#especially the people working there who DONT live with family or any roommates or anything like that

[rottingcompost]

Anyways so I went to a staff meeting at work today because we all had to go, and we all found out that our work place is shutting down. We do have the chance to keep working at bk, but if we want to, we have to move to another city entirely or take the bus or train every single day for hours at a time. Now I dont know about you but I wouldnt move away from all my friends and family to work at a shitty fast food resturant, and I am currently looking for new jobs. Wish me luck. Life just keeps getting weirder and more shitty before it lets me have any sort of break i suppose

[yardsards]

thinking about my future as an aroace is weird cuz like.

unless you want to live alone or go about your life moving between various roommates, you're generally gonna want to get yourself some kind of domestic partner. maybe two or three if you're polyamorous and especially good at compromising and communicating. this person (or couple of people) is going to be more important to your future plans than anyone else.

even if amatonormativity and expectations of a monogamous nuclear family didn't exist, this would still happen to some degree. like if you decided your top 5 friends would be equally important in your future plans, and each of them gave THEIR top 5 friends the same importance, and so-on, then eventually you'd end up with a "household" the size of a small city and nobody would be able to agree on anything.

people who are alloromantic, allosexual, and monogamous already have this issue figured out for them. generally, (unless you both agree the relationship is more casual) it is assumed that your romantic/sexual partner will also be the one who is most important to you and will be your domestic partner in the future

and the whole idea of domestic compatibility is typically considered SECONDARY to the passion of romance. it's just ASSUMED that if you're dating you're gonna spend your lives together (if you dont break up first). you have that safety net and hardly have to think about it! (though imo, more people SHOULD think about it and question why their romantic partner HAS TO be their domestic partner too, rather than a best friend filling that role instead, but i digress)

so when you ask someone out, the main question is more of "do you want our relationship to get more intimate and romantic?" and then "do you want to spend our lives together?" is secondary, to be figured out later.

but i'm an aroace and building a relationship from that kind of passion is simply not an option for me. some aspecs get into queerplatonic relationships, and those don't have the same romantic/sexual passion of more traditional relationships, but there's still usually an expectation that your qpp will be more emotionally intimate with you than your other friends, alongside the whole "let's spend our lives together" thing.

but im a more reserved person and i wouldn't want to be too much closer to any potential partners than i already am to my best friends. so asking someone to be my partner would basically JUST be me asking "hey do you want to spend the rest of our lives together?"

that's basically just a marriage proposal right there! it feels like i cant just *ask* that of someone right off the bat! especially with how young i am! so i have no clue how the FUCK to ask anyone to be my partner because there is no intermediate "dating" relationship state for me! no middle step between "friendship" and "i wanna spend eternity with you"!

and most of the world is allo so even if i DO figure out how to make that work, my options are EXTREMELY limited.

i COULD seek out other aroaces to have that kind of relationship with, but then i'd be meeting a total stranger, skipping normal friendship, and jumping right into "lets spend time together and become friends in order to figure out if we want to be together FOREVER".

none of my friends are full aroace, so it would either be "you have to forego all romantic/sexual relationships for me" OR "let's do some type of polyamory-adjacent thing, and either your romantic partners will have to come second to me, OR me and your partner have to get along really well and be okay sharing a household, along with some heavy discussions to make sure i don't get third-wheeled by you two"

it's so confusing!!! i dont think i wanna be alone forever but like! all those options have their own drawbacks! what the fuck do i do???

[28dayslater]

okay so basically my question is, is uni as fun as it looks?

i'm 23 and never went, i couldn't even finish college bc of mental health and then i never knew what i wanted in life so thought it didn't matter that i didn't go right away and i kept meaning to like figure it out but then i fell into a job i really like and have been here for a few years now and am content enough. no one in my family went to uni so it was never expected of me so when i didn't go there were no consequences y'know.

but social media is full of people in/who just graduated uni and it looks so fun that i feel like i've missed out. people posting videos in their new accomodation and with their flatmates and becoming best friends and staying up all night, going out doing random things and just having fun and being young with no expectations, and i feel like i've never experienced anything in my life.

like i did some of it, i moved out but there's no parties, no events or societies or getting off with strangers. and i hate to admit it but i still only have a single friend, not the friend group i always wanted. i've been on nights out a few times but it's always different because i know i have to go to work tomorrow, it's never the carefree "i don't know where i'll wake up and that's fine just living in the moment" type of experience. everything is different as an adult i guess. i'm tired by 8pm and going out until 10 is late for me.

and like i know myself i know i would not do well in uni due to my mental health and i would have dropped out or failed, and honestly i do not want to study i do not do well in education. i like finishing work and not having to worry about homework or whatever, but i really wish i could have experienced the social side of uni. i don't know if i'd have even enjoyed it, and it might have gotten old real quick, but i wish i could have at least tried it. and especially when everyone i work with met their partners and friends at uni, and i'm here doing everything i want to do just on my own because my singular friend doesn't share most of my interests.

but i also know people often exaggerate things on social media, and that lots of people don't share their experiences so i'm not sure whether uni is as fun as it always seems or whether it's just select people only sharing their few good experiences. idk i'm just kind of feeling like my entire life has just passed me by or something idk.

sorry for the dump omg i did not mean to say all that i was just gonna ask the question but lost the plot a bit 😭

i think the thing with uni is that like most things it is what you make of it. its a wonderful opportunity to hang out with people your own age, party and ignore your lectures and make stupid decisions bc youre on your own for the first time, and theres no other situation where youre gonna be so free to do what you want, but even when youre there that opportunitys only there if you take it. i went uni for three years, spent half of it violently depressed and not getting out of bed or doing any work, fucked up my actual degree and left with precisely one friend that im still in contact with. so even if youre in the position to be having the time of your life its very easy to waste it and end up having had no fun at all.

it sounds like you wouldnt have enjoyed the actual studying and what you're envious of is purely the social side. and tbf the social part of it does get old quickly, i spent my entire third year living with my best friend just watching crap tv every night instead of ever leaving the house or seeing anyone else. but also, theres no reason you cant create that social life for yourself! all the parties and that i went to at uni were just club nights in town or occasionally at the student union, you dont have to be invited or know anyone before you go.

and as miserable as it is to do and as trite as it sounds, you can make friends even when you're not forced together by school or uni or student accomodation. coworkers, friends of friends, roommates, online mutuals who don't live hundreds of miles away, you can ask those people to hang out and see where you can get from there. and as much as it sickens me to say bc i sound like my mum, theres always societies and events and stuff you can join if you go looking. most my adult friendships have only stayed in my life bc ive put effort into them and made a point of seeing those people and actively making plans. fucking sucks shit but thats the nature of being an adult, when youre not forced together by circumstance every day you have to cling to every friendship youve got and dig your claws in hard

but i hope you do okay! and i think you will

[dreamingabouthendery]

Soarin’ (m)

pairing: jaemin x reader

au: disneyland worker!jaemin and reader

genre: fluff, smut

word count: 6.4k

warnings: smut, swearing, mentions of drugs (you’ll see), descriptions of sick? slight tainting of childhood (not enough to scar), controversial opinions (but not literally), unfunny humour

specific smut warnings (in case you dont want spoilers): fingering, blowjob, unprotected sex (but assume character is on the pill), semi-public sex?

summary: You have worked at Disneyland since the first year of uni, which has all but destroyed your ideals of magic. But when a new boy becomes the Mickey to your Minnie, you can’t help but find yourself intrigued by the bright-eyed newbie. Maybe Disneyland is magic, afterall. (this sucks im so sorry)

very, very heavily inspired by this thread on reddit. also, i hope you enjoy! any feedback will be much appreciated (this is my first fic as im sure youll be able to tell)

Ah, Disneyland, ‘The Happiest Place on Earth’. If you’re a child, that is. Not only can you meet your favorite characters who are probably doing lines in the back between rounds, but you have the honour of being able to watch them dangle helplessly from a wire during the firework display and narrowly avoid death. It’s no wonder you’ve been working there since your first year of uni.

‘Johnny told me there’s a new Mickey coming today.’ Eva, Princess Tiana and, quite frankly, the only decent princess in the whole park, says. She’s currently struggling to pull the long, white gloves over her own blue plastic pair of gloves she puts on for ‘safety reasons’ - her words, not yours. Though, it’s not like you can blame her when the outfits only get washed...well, never.

The two of you are currently the only two in the spacious dressing room which is permanently accompanied by the stench of sweat clinging to the walls, especially since it’s summer.

‘Oh, really?’ You ask from in front of her on the worn wooden bench, pulling your clunky yellow shoes on that dwarf your feet in their enormous size. It took you months to be able to walk in them without constantly tripping. Thankfully, it seems they at least got a wash after being puked on a few days ago.

She nods, moving towards the vanity and smoothing down a stray hair. ‘I know, it didn't take them long. Poor Jeremy, though.’

You hum in agreement. Jeremy ran into some trouble whilst covering a shift for the Donald Duck regular, resulting in a few broken ribs, a black eye and a dislocated shoulder. Or so the NDA requires you to say, anyway. Needless to say he quit on the spot.

‘____?’ You turn and see Johnny, your manager, making his way over to you with a cute guy in tow. ‘This is Jaemin. Jaemin, this is ____. He’s the new weekend Mickey regular. I need you to show him around Toontown discreetly,’ He gives you a pointed look to remind you that your characters aren’t supposed to talk. ‘And then you can camp out in Mickey’s House until the attractions close.’

You smile at Jaemin and he smiles back sheepishly as Johnny walks away without another word. Jaemin has arguably the prettiest smile you’ve ever seen, accompanied by the prettiest lips and the prettiest - is that too many ‘pretty’s? -  twinkling eyes and you can wholeheartedly say you have no problem showing him around ‘discreetly’.

‘Hi, Jaemin.’ You say, suddenly aware of your current state of half-dress with your suit still unzipped and bunched around your waist. You catch him glancing at your exposed top-half and quickly zip up the back before clearing your throat and gesturing towards the locker opposite yours. ‘Mickey’s suit is usually kept in there.’

‘Uh, thanks.’ He turns quickly before looking back at you, clearly not wanting to ask you to leave but not wanting to change in front of you.

‘Meet you outside?’ You take the hint and stand up, grabbing Minnie’s head and placing it over your own.

He nods gratefully and you leave.

‘You’ll have to get used to that, you know.’ You say quietly as he joins you. For a late Saturday afternoon in the summer, the park isn’t as busy as usual; only the occasional family loiters in Toontown, though in the distance you can see the beginnings of a crowd forming in front of Sleeping Beauty’s castle in preparation for the fireworks as the sun begins to set.

‘Used to what?’

‘To seeing other cast members undressed and to them seeing you undressed.’ You say simply, waving to a child with a short brown bob and bucket hat that’s walking towards you as you head slowly from the staff area towards Goofy’s Playhouse. The child stops and asks both of you for your autographs, something that every Disney cast member has to perfect before they get to wear their suit.

‘Right,’ He mutters when she leaves. ‘What happened to the guy before me?’

You glance at him from the corner of your eye, momentarily forgetting you can’t see his face. ‘What’ve you heard?’

‘Nothing, why?’

You sigh. ‘He was jumped by some asshole teenagers. You don’t need to worry, though,’ You add quickly at his sharp intake of breath. ‘You aren’t dressed as Donald Duck so you should be fine.’ You joke.

He laughs slightly at that. ‘Who thought dressing up as a kids’ character could be so dangerous?’

‘Oh, you have no idea.’ You laugh, a little too loudly, drawing more attention to yourself than usual but automatically correct your pitch to match Minnie Mouse’s. You wave at the kids that turn to look at you and they hurry over, asking to take pictures. After they run back to their parents, you turn to Jaemin and ask, ‘So, why did you apply for the job?’

‘Wow, it’s like a second interview.’ You shake your head, mumbling a quick apology. ‘I’ve never actually been to Disneyland before, and you know,’ He gestures his hand aimlessly. ‘This is supposed to be The Most Magical Place on Earth’ - he quotes - ‘so, I guess I wanted to experience the magic firsthand.’

‘That’s Magic Kingdom.’ You correct automatically.

‘Huh?’

‘That’s Magic Kingdom’s motto. Ours is ‘The Happiest Place on Earth’.’

‘Huh. I guess there is a difference, then.’

‘Of course there’s a difference. Magic Kingdom isn’t nearly as good as Disneyland.’ You say simply.

Jaemin snorts. ‘I’m sorry I offended you.’

‘Anyway,’ You say, ‘If you’re looking for a magical experience, you’re coming at it from the wrong angle.’

‘Exactly how bad is it to work here?’ He questions, though you can hear a hint of amusement in his tone.

‘The best I can give you is unforgettable.’ You would explain to him the number of times you’ve caught both members of the public and workers having sex in various places including on various rides, and how Haunted Mansion is notorious for having people leave their loved one’s ashes in it despite the fact they just get vaccumed up, but it’s only his first day and you don’t want to scare him off.

‘Gotcha.’ He merely says and you continue on to show him the Chip ‘n’ Dale Treehouse, your favorite place in Toontown. At night, the treehouse is lit in such a way as to make it whimsical, the ragged branches no longer menacing as they are during the daytime. You can’t complain at the fact that it’s quiet due to the fact that most people overlook it, either, instead mistaking it as decoration and not an actual attraction that you can go in.

This makes it the perfect place to hide out in the nighttime, when people are busy with the most popular attractions and has made it sort of an escape to you. Well, that and it’s given you a bad back.

You pause in front of Mickey’s House. ‘This is your crib,’ you joke. ‘Are you ready for your first official shift?’ You say, feigning drama in your tone.

‘Oh, gee, Minnie, I sure am!’ He replies in Mickey’s tone, emulating it perfectly and making both of you crack up.

‘I have to warn you, though, expect your arm to go dead within the first few minutes from all the waving.’

‘Noted. This job isn’t going to give me carpal tunnel syndrome, is it?’ He asks, only half serious.

‘No, but it may make you hate kids.’

He chokes, but before he can say anything in reply, a small boy who looks about four illustrates your point by pulling down his denim shorts and taking a dump right on the tarmac next to the hideous grey mouse-shaped letterbox.

You can read Jaemin’s horror in his speechlessness as you merely sigh and pull out your radio to call in, ‘We have a code Pooh outside Mickey’s House, over.’

As you walk in your front door to your shared apartment with your roommate, Ailee, you catch her and her boyfriend, Sam, making out on the couch in the living room. You two met in the first week of uni when you both ended up at some frat party that you hated and hit it off.

‘Ew, gross, guys. You have a bedroom, you know.’ You say, throwing your bag on the coffee table and slumping down on the couch next to them, sinking into the plush white cushions.

Ailee merely throws her head back and laughs before saying, ‘Tell me all about it.’

You frown. ‘About what?’

She tuts at you impatiently. ‘Work, duh. Everyday you come home it’s been a bad day,’ She plays with a few strands of your hair comfortingly. ‘So, tell me about it.’

You scrunch your nose up. ‘Nothing out of the ordinary happened.’ You say simply, looking at your nails.

Sam laughs. ‘Even I know you look at your nails when you’re lying, ____.’

Your mouth falls open in shock, offended. ‘I do not.’ You insist and scowl internally.

‘You do,’ Ailee agrees. ‘But it’s okay, that doesn’t matter right now. What’s the juicy story for today?’

You roll your eyes. ‘I’m glad my misery is so entertaining. The only thing that’s different is that there’s a new weekend Mickey regular.’

Ailee and Sam share a pointed look. ‘And?’ She asks, drawing out the syllable.

‘And he’s cute. I guess.’ You add as an afterthought.

Ailee snorts. ‘You guess?’

You groan. ‘Okay, he’s cute, period.’ You concede.

‘So, ask him out.’

‘Can’t. It’s against the rules.’ You mumble.

She gives you an exasperated look. ‘____, sweetie, you’re the most lax person with a job still in the whole park. What’s one date to you that nobody knows about?’

You bite your lip. She does have a point. You think about how cute Jaemin was when he was nervous to greet the kids at the House and hide your grin.

‘She’d have to actually see him again, though, right?’ Sam interjects, interrupting your daydream.

‘Sam, don’t be such a Debby downer.’ Ailee whines.

Whilst it’s true that cast members in a couple usually split up, you doubt they would make Jaemin do his second shift on his own. Resolving to pluck up the courage to ask him out, you go to bed that night apprehensive about the following day.

Apparently God is punishing you for some unknown reason, because you don’t see Jaemin at all that day, or the week after. In fact, you don’t even catch a glimpse of him or the big round ears that are telling of Mickey’s character.

Eve informs you that Johnny teamed him up with Goofy for ‘variety’, meanwhile you’re being sent over to Soarin’ in Grizzly Peak, the most boring area in the whole park due to its unpopularity. You can’t help but worry slightly about Jaemin, though, thinking of the previous time you saw Daniel, Goofy’s actor, when he pulled a flask from seemingly nowhere inside his costume and took a long, deep drink before heading back out, slightly stumbling.

Before you step out, Bella, the girl who plays Cinderella (no, the irony is not lost on you), stops you and says, ‘Oh, ____, I heard the new Mickey Mouse arrived yesterday. Fingers crossed you don’t scare him into quitting, too.’ Ever since you auditioned for the part of Cinderella and lost it to her, Bella has taken to rubbing your inferiority in your face every chance she gets.

You roll your eyes and Eve says back, ‘Oh, fuck off, Bella,’ She turns to you. ‘She’s just jealous ‘cause she thinks he’s cute and he hasn’t even acknowledged her yet.’

You snort as Bella narrows her eyes and stomps away as best she can in her flimsy costume heels.

‘He was asking after you when he came in earlier, you know.’ Eve says.

‘Jaemin was?’

She hums before saying, ‘He looked so disappointed to be paired up with Goofy.’

You feel the blood rushing to your face as you smile. ‘Really?’

Eve looks at you knowingly. ‘Yep, said he wanted to thank you for being so understanding yesterday since no one wants to babysit the newbee.’

‘I’d happily babysit the newbee anytime if they looked like that.’ You say and Eve laughs.

Whilst you’re at the most boring attraction in the park, the day is still no less than eventful. You encounter a child stuck in a tree trying to skip the line for Anna and Elsa’s Royal Welcome on your way to the bathroom due to the nearest one being blocked off. After you manage to actually use the bathroom, you’re surprised to see Elsa herself there, half-dressed at the sink and you can’t help but wonder if that’s the reason the line is so long. To top it all off, one of the only times you manage to fill the ride at Soarin’, you notice a couple getting on while holding a backpack that’s moving and alert the ride operators. When they finally report back to you that there was a six-month-old baby in there, they have to convince you not to ring child protective services.

After you slam your locker closed in the deserted dressing room, you sink down on the rigid bench, putting your head in your hands and massaging your growing headache.

‘____,’ A voice starts and you jump, looking up to see Johnny standing above you, clipboard in hand. He barely gives you a second glance when he startles you, instead pretending not to notice and continuing, ‘I need you next Friday for a grad night.’

You groan. Grad nights are the worst events Disneyland continuously puts on, in the past coming second only to Nights of Joy, the annual Christian festival, before it was cancelled for good. Even the managers rejoiced in the abolition of Nights of Joy. ‘Can’t you find someone else to be Minnie? Everyone knows how bad grad nights are.’

Johnny sighs. ‘Fine, then. I’ll put you on watching the cameras for Star Tours with Jaemin.’

You ignore the way you want to immediately jump on the chance for some one-on-one time with Jaemin and raise an eyebrow. ‘Aren’t you not supposed to do that? You know, because he’s new and I’m not trained in…’ You trail off at the glare he’s giving you and purse your lips, nodding your head in acceptance.

‘Great, thanks.’ He says sarcastically and walks out.

At least the next time you return to Hell on Earth it won’t be in a Minnie costume.

You feel strange as you unlock and push open the door to the CCTV monitor room. If you had to put money on it, you would say it’s because this isn’t your job and you technically shouldn’t be here, but you’re not much of a gambler.

The heavy metal door gives way, opening to a small room with roughly fifty monitors, each displaying the Star Tours ride, the attraction itself as a whole and the surrounding area. You note the odd statue opposite the entrance that you don’t remember the name of - the satellites surrounding a distinct shape that is rocket-like. You shake your head internally at the sight. Why are the only pretty decorations reserved for Fantasyland?

You also note the dim red lighting and frown in confusion as your eyes land on Jaemin, sitting in an office chair in front of the wall of screens, wearing the same uniform consisting of a pale blue shirt and black trousers as you, except wearing it a hundred times better.

He turns upon your entrance, smiling as he takes in your attire. ‘I thought I’d set the mood with some lighting.’ He grins cheekily.

‘Oh?’ You say, stepping into the room, locking the door behind you. ‘What mood is that exactly?’

His smile grows wider as he says, ‘Adventure. We’re in for a night, so I hear.’

You groan, ‘You’ll wish you never agreed to doing this.’ You make your way to the chair next to his, sitting down on the flat cushion and leaning back.

‘How bad can it really be? These are literally a bunch of eighteen-year-olds who aren’t of legal drinking age yet and they’re supervised.’

You shook your head in mock sympathy. ‘Sweet, sweet, naive boy,’ You say. ‘Now you’ve jinxed it.’ You eye his coffee cup and wrinkle your nose in distaste at the black liquid. It looks like you’re staring into the pits of Hell. ‘What is that atrocity?’

He follows your gaze and laughs. ‘It’s coffee. Wanna try some?’ He maintains eye contact as he takes a sip and then offers it to you.

‘God, no. I have self-respect.’

He places it back down next to an intimidating set of controls, a hint of amusement in his eyes. ‘Also, I wanted to say thank you for the other week. For showing me around and stuff.’ He looks down shyly.

‘Oh, it’s, um, no problem. How have you been coping?’ You ask slightly awkwardly, not knowing what to do at his sudden personality flip-flop.

‘It’s a lot harder than I imagined it to be, honestly. I thought the worst that could happen would be screaming children and impatient parents.’ He admits.

You nod. ‘I thought the same when I first started last year. Little did I know the Karens were the least of my problems.’

He laughs breathily. ‘Tell me about it. I don’t know how you’ve managed to last so long.’

You shrug, embarrassed. ‘I just like making the kids’ day I guess.’

He coos and you push him lightly, smiling. ‘Why don’t we play a game?’ He asks, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

You narrow your own eyes. ‘What kind of game?’

‘Hmm,’ He pretends to think, tapping his chin. ‘How about twenty-one questions?’

‘Okay,’ You say slowly. ‘What are our rules going to be?’

He smirks. ‘You only get one get-out-of-jail card. And if you use it, you have to do what the other person says.’

You sigh. ‘Fine. Then, follow-up questions to your answers don’t count.’

‘Deal. I’ll go first,’ At your mildly worried look, he says, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you. What are you studying in uni?’

‘Business and management.’ You say instantly, and he looks intrigued. ‘It was either that or English lit, and my parents weren’t too keen on me studying that.’

He frowns. ‘Why not?’

You avoid eye contact as you answer. ‘They’re both doctors,’ You clear your throat. ‘Are you in uni?’ You love your parents with all your heart but sometimes you wish they would just be happy with you being happy.

He takes the hint and moves on. ‘Yeah, I’m actually doing photography.’ He says, scratching the back of his neck.

Your head perks up. ‘Really? That’s so cool. My roommate is studying photography, too. Is that what you want to do after you graduate?’

His face relaxes. ‘I’m not really sure, to be honest. I just know it’s something I’m passionate about, you know?’ At your nod of encouragement, he continues, ‘There’s just something so amazing about capturing a moment forever in a way that really brings out its true beauty.’

You give him a small smile. ‘That sounds really special.’

He shrugs, though you can tell he appreciates it. ‘Anyway, it’s your turn to answer. Do you have a boyfriend?’

If you were drinking something, you’re sure you would have choked. ‘I-no?’

He looks slightly put out. ‘Is it complicated?’

You shake your head, maybe a little too hard. ‘No, sorry, you just caught me off guard. No, I don’t have a boyfriend.’ He looks instantly brighter. ‘Why, are you asking me out?’ You tease.

He blushes. ‘I mean, uh, I, um-’

‘Oh my God,’ You laugh, though you feel disappointed. ‘It’s okay, I was only joking. Ouch.’ You’re almost glad you didn’t get a chance to ask him out and make things awkward between the two of you. Maybe not seeing him for two weeks was a sign from the universe not to fuck up.

‘I didn’t mean it like that, oh God, I’m sorry.’ He groans and buries his face in his hands.

You tap him playfully on the shoulder. ‘It’s fine,’ You can’t help but feel hurt. Why did he ask you if he doesn’t care whether you have one or not? Maybe you’re just reading too much into it. ‘My turn, anyway. What’s traumatized you the most since working here?’

‘Learning that when cast members say ‘have a Disney day’ they really mean ‘fuck you’.’

You throw your head back and laugh. ‘That’s my favorite. Although as far as things go, that’s pretty vanilla.’

‘Maybe I’m a vanilla guy.’ He teases, and you can’t help but let your mind wander to an image of him hovering over you, reaching up to intertwine your hands together as he moans sweetly in your ear and you feel your face heat up.

‘So you’re admitting you’re boring.’ You joke halfheartedly, almost off-beat.

He places his hand over his heart in mock hurt. ‘That was uncalled for. Alright then, little miss kinky, where’s the most daring place you’ve had sex?’

Your eyes widen comically. ‘I-’ You glance at the monitors and see two figures in the back row of the mostly deserted ride, one hunched over with their head in the lap of what you make out to be a guy judging by the other figure’s movements. ‘Oh my God, no!’ You cry and fumble for the microphone.

‘What? What is it?’ Jaemin asks, his eyes searching. You can tell the moment he sees what you’re seeing, because he instantly cracks up laughing.

‘It’s not funny,’ You whine, pressing the red button on the microphone and saying as firmly as you can as monotonous as you can, ‘This is a family-friendly ride. Please refrain from scarring’ - you hiss and the figure has the decency to bolt upright and you see that they’re a girl - ‘the camera operators and fellow riders. Thank you.’ The others on the ride look around in confusion, and you can see the girl turn to say something to the boy. Judging by the way she gestures, it’s safe to assume it’s something biting.

‘I thought you said this happens all the time.’ Jaemin says once he’s calmed down enough to make the words out.

‘It does,’ You keep your eye on the couple, the guy wearing a smug grin as he zips up his trousers and the girl looking meek and embarrassed. Good. Public indecency is no joke. ‘But that doesn’t make it any less gross. This is a kids’ park for goodness sake.’

‘But there aren’t any kids around.’

You give him an exasperated look. ‘Well, I would never be okay with doing it on a ride in public.’

He licks his lips and you follow the movement only slightly too closely. ‘So when I asked where the most risky place you’ve had sex is…’ He trails off, smirking.

‘You can cross a literal children’s park from the list of possibilities, and proudly so.’ You say stubbornly. ‘Please don’t tell me you have.’ You rush to say upon seeing his face.

‘I haven’t.’ He says slowly, crossing his arms over his chest and sitting back in his chair, spreading his legs. You wish they didn’t look so inviting. You wait for him to elaborate, but he doesn’t.

‘But?’ You probe.

‘But nothing,’ He says simply. ‘So, are you gonna answer my question or are you gonna forfeit?’

You scowl at him. ‘What do you want if I do?’ You can feel your pulse racing in both excitement and fear but you keep your face blank.

His eyes shine as he leans forward, bracing his elbows on his thighs. ‘I don’t know yet.’

You swallow at his suggestive tone. ‘Fine, I’ll tell you,’ You concede, and he seems to not know whether to be pleased or disappointed. ‘My ex was a bit of an exhibitionist. He, um, you know, touched me when we went to see a movie.’

Jaemin raises an eyebrow, but you miss the glint in his gaze. ‘I thought you weren’t down for doing it in kids’ places.’

‘We were watching Paranormal Activity.’ You say flatly.

‘And?’

‘And it’s rated eighteen plus!’ You defend.

‘Is that the furthest you’ve gone in public? No compromising positions? No p in the-’

You cut him off hurriedly before he can go any further. ‘I’ve just never done it anywhere risky,’ You sigh dramatically. ‘I think I’m vanilla, too.’

He laughs loudly. ‘You don’t have to say it like it’s a bad thing. Anyway, I never said I was vanilla.’

You frown. ‘Earlier, you did.’

‘Did I? Maybe I was just saying it to tease you.’ He smiles a wide, boyish smile, completely contradicting what he’s implying with his words.

‘Oh?’ You say breathlessly. ‘Well, okay then.’

‘Don’t believe me?’

‘I-what? I never said-’

‘Would you rather I show you?’ He offers and your breath hitches as you meet his intense eyes. The warm brown seems darker and he glances at your chest as you breathe deeply. You can’t believe he said that. In the short time you’ve known him, you’re taken aback at how quickly he can switch between shyness and confidence.

When you merely stare back at him, not knowing what to say, he stands up and closes the short distance between the two of you so that his knee grazes your own as he stands above you. ‘____,’ He says, a slight rasp in his voice. ‘I need you to say it if you want this.’

You swallow and whisper, ‘Yes.’

He cups your face with his hand, his thumb softly stroking your cheek as he brings his lips down upon yours. You lift your own hand to hold his wrist which is currently beside your face and use the other one to grip onto the arm of the chair to ground yourself in the moment.

You let loose a small whimper as he glides his tongue across your bottom lip, and you part your lips to allow it in. He grips you tighter before he pulls away from your mouth to trail wet kisses across your jaw. ‘Guess you ended up tasting my coffee, anyway, hm?’ He whispers lowly into your ear before pecking it and you shudder, with both pleasure and laughter.

‘I guess so.’ You look into his eyes and see the pure hunger that makes you squeeze your thighs together.

Jaemin notices and pulls you up gently, pushing your hips into the desk with the monitors above it. Taking the hint, you spread your legs to give him room to stand between them, and he praises a quick, ‘Atta girl’, before leaning back down to reconnect your lips. You now take note of the slight hint of coffee on his tongue this time but you don’t care as you impatiently and desperately kiss him back and wrap your arms around his neck, bringing him closer. His hand ghosts up your thigh, making you shiver in his arms. He slowly moves to unbutton your bottoms, giving you time to stop him.

In response, however, you whine at what feels like his teasing and unbutton and unzip them yourself, causing him to chuckle as he pulls away. ‘Are you impatient, baby?’ You swoon internally at the pet name and nod, biting your lip.

‘Please,’ You manage. ‘Want you to touch me.’

He moans and slides his fingers into your underwear, not wanting to tease you over them after you asked so nicely. He grins as his fingers slide in your arousal and says, ‘You’re so wet already. Do you want me to make you come all over my fingers?’

‘Fuck, yes.’ You breathe.

His eyes drink in your rapidly rising chest and the utter desire written all over your face as he gently slides a finger inside you. ‘So tight and wet. How are you gonna take my cock if you’re this tight, hm?’ You whine and he eases a second finger in and starts thrusting at a pace that makes you arch your back. 

Your hand flies to his bicep, feeling the way it flexes under your fingertips as he scissors his fingers inside of you. His thumb finds your clit and rubs hard circles into it, the pressure being just enough to make your toes curl. You lean into him and rest your head on his shoulder, pressing a swift kiss to the juncture between it and his neck. You marvel at the way goosebumps rise upon your touch and the way your breaths feel huffing against his rapidly heating skin. You can smell the faint scent of earthiness and wood from his cologne, which you take a deep breath of and breathe in his aroma as your hand winds itself in his hair and tugs when a particular deep surge of his fingers hits a spot that makes your brain go fuzzy.

‘Jaemin.’ You moan and he all but growls.    

‘That’s it, baby, say my name. Are you close? Wanna see your face when I make you cum.’ His words weigh down your lower stomach like a ton of bricks, furthering you along in your chase to find your release. He nudges your clit deliciously, teasing you by rubbing around it every now and then, pulling you away only to bring you back with ten times the sensitivity and it’s enough to push you closer to the edge faster than when you touch yourself.

You feel the coil in your stomach tightening as you nod to answer his question and unbutton your top enough to fit your hand into your bra, your fingers finding your nipple and rolling it between them. You lift your face from his shoulder and stare into the seemingly pitless black of his eyes as they’re stuck to your face and the changes in your expression as he brings you to the edge. ‘Yes, don’t stop, please.’ You manage. His features are hard to make out in the dim lighting, but you notice the way his eyes zero in on your hand stuffed into your bra and it’s when he picks up the pace, fucking his fingers into you harder that you finally let go. Your eyes roll back and your grip on his arm tightens as you moan his name like a mantra.

He takes his fingers out after riding you through your high and makes eye contact as he sucks his fingers clean. ‘Mm, sweet.’ He teases.

You hide behind your hands in embarrassment and he laughs as he pries them away from your face. ‘You gonna let me bend you over this desk, now?’ He grins.

You nod meekly, your legs trembling as you stand up to your full height. Jaemin unbuttons your blouse as you return the gesture on him, pushing his shirt open to run your fingers down the ridges in his stomach. You teasingly flick your thumbs over his nipples and he gasps, to which you smirk and repeat the motion, causing him to moan and you bite your lip at the sound. ‘Sensitive, are you?’

He slaps your ass playfully in response, pulling your trousers and underwear down in one go. You reach behind you and unclip your bra as you step out of the pool of clothing at your feet, pulling it down your arms slowly. He opens his mouth to make a remark, but decides against it as your breasts come into view. He sucks in a breath and reaches up, tugging your left nipple that’s standing to attention. ‘You’re perfect.’ He says, taking in your figure.

You smile, hearing the sincerity in his voice. ‘I want to see you, too.’ You pout, pulling on his belt loops so that he’s even closer and then reaching down to undo them.

He helps you by unbuckling his belt and letting his trousers drop to the floor. You reach into his underwear and run your fingers down his length before wrapping your hand around it and moving it up and down. He throws his head back and you kiss down his neck, tasting the bittersweet salt of his sweat and the natural flavour of his skin. You pull him out of his underwear and begin to pick up the pace but all too soon he puts his hand over yours, halting you.

‘I want to come inside you.’ He phrases it like a question and you nod, turning around and bending over the desk. His hands smooth over the flesh of your ass as he says, ‘You look so good like this.’ Jaemin runs his length between your lips to lube himself and then situates himself so that he’s pressing against your entrance. ‘Ready?’

‘Yes. Please, Jaemin.’ You push your hips back so he gets the hint.

‘That never gets old,’ He pushes himself in steadily and you gasp at the stretch and how satisfying it feels. ‘Been wanting to hear you moan my name since the first day.’

You moan as he thrusts into you, hard and fast. His pace is almost bruising, the way he grips your hips assures you that you’ll feel a smattering of fingertip-shaped soreness tomorrow when you run your fingers over the area. ‘Me too.’ You say in between breaths. He reaches up to roll your bud between his fingers and you whine; your hand travels between your legs to rub your clit. It jumps a little from sensitivity but you keep at it until you just feel pure, white-hot pleasure.

‘Fuck!’ He shouts as you clench around him once he hits a spot that has you grasping his wrist. ‘You feel so fucking good,’ He praises, kissing up your back until he’s whispering in your ear, ‘So. Fucking. Good.’ In between thrusts. You shudder and turn your head, capturing his lips in yours. The kiss is messy but neither of you can bring yourselves to care, too lost in the feeling and taste of each other to pay it any mind. The sound of your hips connecting fills the small room, echoing as it bounces off the walls until your head is filled with his moans and his skin on yours and just Jaemin, Jaemin, Jaemin.

You feel yourself hovering over the edge almost embarrassingly quick and you cry out, ‘I’m so close.’

‘Yeah? Gonna come all over my cock like a good girl?’ He says huskily and you bite your lip and nod. You never would’ve guessed the timid boy you met on the first day who looked so innocent as the new guy had such a dirty mouth. It makes you shiver all over, loving the way his words caress your skin and make your nipples stand to an impossible hardness.

‘Yeah. Wanna be good for you.’

He groans. ‘You are, baby, you’re so good for me.’ At his words, you feel yourself come undone and your legs shake from the effort of holding you up. Jaemin whines as you clench around him sporadically, your breaths coming out in ragged puffs. You swear the sound pushes you harder for longer, wanting to do everything you can to hear him make such a pretty noise again.

‘Wait,’ You say, and he stops immediately. ‘I’m too sensitive. I can’t-’ Your voice cracks.

‘Can’t what, ____? Do you want me to stop?’ You can hear the genuine concern laced in his words.

‘No, well, yes,’ You huff and turn around, letting him slide out of you and you internally cringe at the feeling of him brushing against your sensitive walls. ‘Come here.’ You reach for his hands and pull him back over to you, closing the distance he put between you after you turned around. He looks confused as you smile lazily and kiss him sloppily, your hand moving between his legs to grab him at the base and squeezing him.

He moans and breaks off the kiss. ‘____, if you want to stop-’ You shush him as you drop to your knees and his eyes light up as you lean in to kiss the tip of him lovingly.

You trail your tongue from base to tip and take him in your mouth, suckling the head.

He curses. ‘Please don’t tease, I’m so close already.’

You relent, opening your mouth as wide as you can and sinking down to fit as much of him as you can. What doesn’t fit, you stroke with your hand. You can just about fit your hand around his girth and you can taste yourself on him, something you never thought you’d like but in that moment nothing could be hotter. He fists his hands in your hair, tugging slightly to make you look up at him. When you do, you moan around him at the sight - teeth tugging on his lower lip as he lets out moans here and there when you pay extra attention to the tip and his head thrown back, baring the honey-colored skin of his neck to your hungry eyes. He finally looks down at you and you’re close enough to hear his breath hitch as he watches you take him in and out of your mouth in a trance. You twist and tug him in a way that has his thigh twitching next to your head and so you place your hands on them and take him into your throat.

It’s when you simultaneously fondle his balls that he lets out a quiet ‘fuck’, followed by an ‘I’m coming’ and thrusts shallowly, causing tears to spring in your eyes. He releases into your mouth and you swallow it down and clean him off, earning that whimper that makes your clit throb.

Jaemin pulls you to your feet and into a kiss that you both commit to; one that’s passionate and slow as you calm both of your racing hearts and come down from the high of intimacy. You know he can taste himself on you, but he doesn’t hesitate to give his all. When he breaks away, he leans his forehead against yours, leaving wet kisses all over your face and you giggle. He runs his hands up your arms and says, ‘So, can I take you on a date now?’

You look into his eyes and nod, feeling suddenly shy at his vulnerable stare. ‘Yeah, I’d like that.’

‘So,’ He says casually, pulling you in closer by wrapping his arms around your shoulders. ‘Is this officially the weirdest place you’ve had sex?’

You gasp and slap his chest lightly but he just cackles in return, pulling you back into him.

[rosehvney]

               ♡ . *    have  you  seen  AMORA  ‘AMI’  IZUMI  around  campus   ?   i  hear  they’re  a  FOURTH  YEAR,  SPRING  witch  with  a  specialty  in  ASTROLOGY.  i  almost  never  see  them  without  their  HUMMINGBIRD.  if  they  ever  want  to  be  a  MATCHMAKER  someday  they  should  ease  up  on  being  FICKLE  &  LOFTY.  at  least  you  can  say  they’re  COQUETTISH  &  INTREPID,  too. 

               hey,  hey  !!!   i’m  diana,  aka  ur  resident  girl  group  stan ASJSJSJ  i’m  twenty,  use  she/her  pronouns,  and  reside  in  the  est  timezone   !!    this  is  super  late  but  here  i  am,  finally  introducing   ...   loona   !!!   jk,  under  the  cut  u  can  read  abt  my  lil  spring  witch  amora.  i  was  kind  of  winging  it  the  whole  time  so  i  apologize  if  it  seems  all  over  the  place  but  pls ...  i’m  a libra  i’m  a  little  dumb  it’s  my  nature.  forgive  me   !!   i  can't  wait  to  plot  AKSKSK  let  me  kno  if  u  prefer  discord,  if  not  tumblr  im's  work  fine !!!

♡ . *    𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔    !

full  name :  amora izumi

nickname(s)  :  ami

zodiac  :  gemini  sun,  libra  moon   (  click  )

sexuality  :  bisexual

alignment  :  chaotic  good

pinterest  :  click

♡ . *    𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅    !

amora’s  mother  was  a  spring  witch  and  her  father  was  a  summer  witch.  to  their  delight,  ami  was  born  a  spring  witch  just  like  her  mother.  however,  ami  would  later  realize  this  was  not  as  good  as  it  seemed

her  mother  was  a  midwife  and  she  wanted  nothing  more  than  for  amora  to  follow  in  her  footsteps.  unfortunately,  amora  never  had  any  interest  in midwifery

during  amora’s  teen  years,  her  parents  started  arguing  frequently  about  the  direction  they  wanted  amora  to  go  in.  her  mother  was  set  on  midwifery,  but  her  father  understood  the  importance  of  choosing  your  own  future.  aside  from  arguing  about  amora,  her  parents  stopped  seeing  eye  to  eye  on  many  other  things  as  well,  and  eventually  they  split  up

amora  did  not  handle  her  parents  split  well.  mostly,  she  blamed  herself.  she  feels  like  if  she  had  just  pursued  midwifery  like  her  mother  had  wanted,  none  of  this  would  have  happened

after  the  split,  she  had  to  live  with  her  disapproving  mother.  her  father  not  only  moved  out,  but  he  moved  to  a  different  city  to  be  around  some  of  his  family.  this  kind  of  broke  her  heart  a  lil.  she  saw  it  more  as  her  father  trying  to  stay  far  away  from  her

so,  amora  continued  living  with  her  mom  who  continued  to  disapprove  of  her  choices.  for  a  while,  she  wasn’t  sure  what  she  wanted  to  do.  however,  after  her  parents  divorce,  she  became  especially  interested  in  matchmaking

she  figured  since  she  drove  her  parents  apart,  she  could  redeem  herself  by  bringing  others  together.  she  quickly  became  obsessed  with  the  idea  of  love

amora  more  recently  found  out  her  father  remarried  and  started  a  new  family.  she  doesn’t  really  speak  to  him  much  anymore,  so  the  idea  that  he  is  present  in  the  lives  of  his  new  family  hurts  her  a  lot.  but  in  the  end,  she  still  blames  herself  for  driving  her  father  away

so,  amora  has  a  father  she  barely  sees  and  a  mother  who  continues  to  try  to  micro-manage  her  life  and  make  a  carbon  copy  of  herself  out  of  her  daughter

♡ . *    𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚    !

amora  is  extremely  extroverted.  she  is  a  social  butterfly  and  will  try  to  befriend  anyone  with  a  pulse

she  is  a  little  bit  of  a  people  pleaser.  after  her  dad,  she’s  really  scared  of  being  abandoned,  which  is  why  she  lowkey  seeks  approval  from  others  :(

she  can  sometimes  appear  to  be  a  little  bit  full  of  herself.  she  tries  2  play  off  her  insecurities  by  having  an  ‘i’m  the  best’  attitude  akdjksdjh 

like  i  said,  she  loves  love   !!!   she  gets  crushes  easily,  but  also  loses  attention  fast  because  they  mostly  tend  to  be  superficial  crushes.  typical  air  sign  behavior

kinda  bouncing  off  the  last  one,  she  loves  2  flirt   !!!   she  loves  flirting  with  her  friends,  the  barista  at  the  cafe,  the  girl  sitting  alone  in  the  library,  literally  anyone  and  everyone.  this  has  gotten  her  into  some  trouble  in  the  past  (   when  she  accidentally  flirted  with  one  of  her  professors  during  office  hours   )

a  loyal  friend   !!!!   values  her  friends  more  than  anything  else  in  the  world.  even  though  she  likely  has  a  large  circle  of  friends,  she  wouldn’t  necessarily  consider  them  all  to  be  her  close  friends.  she  would  still  do  anything  for  them,  though

she  is  an  extremely  curious  and  restless  spirit   !!!   she  is  dying  to  see  the  world  and  uncover  all  of  its  secrets.  always  up  for  an  adventure  no  matter  the  risks

loves  to  party  and  have  fun   !!

♡ . *    𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅  𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔    !

partner  in  crime  -  someone  who  always  goes   along  with  her  antics.  someone  who  she  bounces  off  of  and  they  do  dumb  /  fun  shit  together   !!!

ex-fling/gf/bf -  there  could  b  more  than  one  of  these   !!!    they  could  have  ended  on  bad  terms  or  good  terms,  still  have  lingering  feels  or  tension  or  maybe  they  remained  friends  !!!   we  can  plot  this  however  

unrequited  crush -  maybe  she  has  a  crush  on  ur  muse,  whether  it’s  a  deep  crush  or  a  more  surface  level  crush.  OR  ur  muse  could  have  a  crush  on  her  and  maybe  she’s  oblivious  to  it   !!!

requited  crush  -  speaks  for  itself,  but  our  muses  have  crushes  on  each  other   !!!  maybe  it  isn’t  super  serious,  or  maybe  it  is

will they,  won’t  they  -  there’s  feelings  between  them,  but  maybe  the  timing  has  always  been  off.  they  want  to  explore  whatever  they  have,  but  maybe  they’re  scared

current fling/friends  w  benefits -  someone  she  is  currently  seeing.  could  be  no  strings  attached,  or  there  could  b  some  feelings  there.  maybe  they  don’t  want  to  make  it  anything  serious,  or  maybe  they’re  ready  to  take  it  to  the  next  level.  maybe  one  person  is  ready  to  go  further,  and  the  other  isn’t.

enemies  w  benefits  -  imagine  the  tension   !!!   they  started  out  hating  each  other  but  ended  up  hooking  up.  maybe  it  was  a  one  time  thing,  or  maybe  they  can’t  stop  going  back  to  each  other.  maybe  they  keep  it  a  secret  and  don’t  want  anyone  else  to  know.  this  could  develop  in  soooo  many  ways  pls  this  is  so  sexy  !!!!

party  buddies  -  they  always  go  to  parties  together.  maybe  they  don’t  see  each  other  outside  of  parties,  maybe  they  met  at  a  party  and  became  close  friends  afterwards

roommates  -  self  explanatory,  but  they  live  together   !!!   maybe  they  get  along  really  well,  or  maybe  they  have  some  issues

ex-friends  -  someone  she  used  to  consider  a  best/close  friend,  but  they  had  a  falling  out  for  whatever  reason  n  maybe  they  strongly  dislike  each  other  now.  maybe  they  want  to  re-kindle  their  friendship  but  don’t  know  how

sibling-like friendship  -  someone  she  sees  like  a  sibling.  they’re  there  for  each  other  and  look  out  for  one  another,  always  have  each  other’s  backs

dynamic  duo  -  ride  or  dies.  platonic  soulmates   !!  this  person  is  prob  one  of  the  closest  people  to  her  and  knows  her  very  well   !    they  could  b  a  power  duo,  always  looking  out  for  each  other

take  care  -  someone  who  looks  after  her  when  she  drinks  to  much   !!!   someone  who  keeps  her  out  of  trouble  when  she’s  drunk  and  feeling  a  little  reckless.  she  trusts  them  and  might  feel  like  she  owes  them

confidant  -  someone  who  confides  in  her  or  someone  she  confides  in,  or  they  confide  in  each  other.  they  don’t  necessarily  have  to  be  the  closest  friends  ever,  but  they  get  along,  trust  each  other,  and  maybe  they  talk  more  in  private

rivals  -  they  don’t  like  each  other  for  whatever  reason,  which  we  can  plot. maybe  it’s  jealousy  or  their  personalities  just  clash,  but  for  whatever  reason  they  do  not  get  along.  maybe  they  bring  out  a  bad  side  to  her  that  most  people  dont  see

frenemies  -  they’re  friends,  but  maybe  they’re  always  trying  to  one  up  each  other.  they  might  gossip  behind  each  other’s  backs

bad  influence  -  someone  who  is  a  bad  influence  on  her.  she  isn’t  a  goody-goody  but  she  definitely  holds  herself  back  from  doing  anything  too  crazy.  i’d  love  for  someone  to  be  a  bad  influence  on  her  and  get  her  to  do  or  try  things  she  normally  wouldn’t

this  is  all  for  now,  but  i  should  probably  make  a  plots  page  eventually   !!!

[thekatfuzz]

Personal Rambling

Ever since high school, I’ve always wanted to work at Disney World. I would picture myself as a Jungle Cruise Skipper and imagine myself riding to work in the early mornings as I rode the bus to school past the apartments I pretended were on property.  Even before then, its been a huge part of my upbringing and life. But now that I’m older and actually have the opportunity to apply, I’m second guessing myself so much. I wanted to do it my freshmen year but something happened in the fall that made me want to avoid all things Disney for a while (that's another story in itself, for context basically my ex-roommate abandoned me in the Magic Kingdom during Mickey's Not So Scary after I was n the verge of panic attacks all day and got really sick with anxiety for the next week or so) and I applied and got into the DCP during the spring but I wasn't able to do that and take classes. Were those a sign that those things were not meant to be? I want to work there still in theory. As childish at it sounds, I want to be a part of the magic and the community that makes it. I just wanna be there, maybe it’s where I belong. I secretly want to know all the secrets and see the rare and unseen behind the scenes for myself. And I just want to make magic, see the light in peoples eyes the first time they go on a ride or something. But what if I cant? Will I get to choose where I work? And thats another thing, tooo. WDW has so much emotional impact on me, especially the Magic Kingdom. Thinking about being there with my family makes me miss the good old days when I was a kid and thinking about how I can never go back makes me really upset. And so sometimes being there is a trigger for me especially if I see some cute, innocent thing or whatever. I cant really explain it. But it just makes me so sad and triggered. So what if I’m stationed to work somewhere that is triggering for me, i.e The Haunted Mansion (which I wrote another essay explaining why I don't like it and why I can't go near it) Hell, if I have to see something triggering every day at work...and will the supervisors even understand? Can I even say “Hey, I cant work At the HM because it scares me and it makes me feel really anxious?” And having to work long hours there and to see it every day. After I left that night of MNSSHP, I needed a break for a while. I was thinking to myself on the ferry ride back to the transportation and ticket center “i need a break from this. I can't think about anything Disney related for a while.”

And that's another thing, too. I’ve devoted my life to Disney. But for what? Will working at the parks really be beneficial for me and help me get a job in the animation industry? I feel like I live and breathe it even without working there. Is that my answer, then? It doesn't feel like enough sometimes though. Sometimes I catch myself on that. Why, I ask? I mean it makes me happy and is an escape for me. I feel like that should be enough of an answer but judgement says otherwise. Disney owns like everything in the world now so its hard to avoid it even if you want to, and yes, I am aware that they are a corporate monster who only cares about money and yes, I hate that.

That's the other thing too. By having a “dream job” and wanting to work here for low pay, is that me just simply giving into capitalism? Do I really want to work for a billionaire company that could care less about their employees, and just pays them and gives them things because they have to??  I mean. I have to work anyway. That's justs society. So why not work somewhere I actually think I’ll enjoy? Which I hope I do. What if I don't? What if it crushes me and my dreams and I see it differently as I always had? If I work there and it just takes a part of me away. I don't know exactly what that part is but I’m not ready to give it up just yet. Or ever. Yeah I can always quit but after being there and getting a taste of it--i might never be able to see it the same way.

And another thing. I dont want to face Karens. Yes I know I have to face them with any job. But I feel like it;s different here. Oh, also crying babies and children trigger me too. And WDW has a LOT of that. 

TL;DR: I’ve always wanted to work at WDW but do I actually.

[zurilux]

Vent session 4/26/20

A couple things. First, the not so serious. 

I’ve been living with my parents for a little over a year now since the second year of my boyfriend’s ST program basically makes it impossible to work while doing the program. We decided to move our in with our parents to save money (especially since there’s no way I could support us and our two dogs on my own.) My parents are fine. They’re not perfect but they’re fine. I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older though just how different I am from a lot of my family. My parents are definitely products of their time. They dont believe in therapy. I go to therapy. I’ve gone to therapy since I was a freshman in college (When I could go without them paying for it/knowing about it) I’ve recently started Trauma counseling, trying EMDR to process past traumas and maybe stop some of my more toxic/ bad habits and the cycle of abuse. (my current relationship isn’t abusive but I’m scared that I may make it toxic because thats really all i’ve known or if it fails I’ll go back to the cycle)  

I myself have had quite a few traumatic events happen in my life. In the last few years I’ve become pretty open about my mental health, hoping that it might help others (so no one will feel the way I felt, like I was alone etc) I think a lot of my family would benefit from therapy, as now that I am so open, sometimes my family will share their stories. My parents, like I said don’t believe in therapy, and now they also believe they are too old to be fixed. Especially my mom. Which, for me, is really saddening. My mom, when overwhelmed, will hit herself in the head. Which can make it hard to talk to her about anything serious because she also takes a lot of things super personally (and I cant blame her for that. I’m sensitive AF) and it sucks that she feels she, or her inner peace, is worth it at this point. I’ve found a lot of my family just doesn’t really seem to want to better themselves and would rather just say “This is how I am, take it or leave it” 

It’s exhausting to be around people who are in that sort of mindset when you’re working very hard to be better. Trying to be happy, get my anxiety/depression/PTSD under control, process traumas....

Also. some of my traumas happened in the house, or when I was teen living here. SO, sometimes just being in this house is a struggle. Being back in this room where my ex-wife tried to kick me out and pushed me to a breaking point. Being in this room where I found out my ex-wife kissed someone else while they were deployed and decided they didnt want to be with me anymore. Being in this house where I broke down shattered, screaming and crying for the world to stop spinning, and my ex-wife yelled at me, belittled me, harassed me so much over the phone I had to get my parents involved so she wouldnt speak to me again. In this house where I had to hide so much of myself, had to pretend so many things didnt happen....Its really hard being here. especially in this time of super stress, being in Quarantine and a Pandemic due to COVID-19. 

and to add on top of that, my mother has started trying to inch me out. My grandma is supposed to move in when I move out. I guess my grandma is hounding her, so in turn, she’s hounding me. Even after I have explained that COVID has messed with my boyfriends program, and my planned summer vacation. Originally he was supposed to be done in June, and we had a FL trip planned in Sept, so we’d move out after our FL trip, to save money, and hopefully not stress the dogs out. (moving to a new place and then all of a sudden your parents are gone for 8 days might be a little much for our pups). Depending on when he started, and how much money I saved, and if my coworker would be moving in with us we could possibly move in August, gives the dogs a month to adjust to their new surroundings before we would move. BUT, now....he may have to do a summer term, to make up for the lack of ST time in ORs at different hospitals, which means he wouldn’t start working in June, he may, depending on how they do their summer term, not be done with his program till July or August...and obviously he needs to work, for at least a month or two before we could move. also, we don’t know if we’ll be able to travel to FL in September, THere isnt really a point in going if Disneyworld and Universal aren’t open/fully functioning. soooo....a lot is up in the air. The added stress of my mom constantly asking when I’ll be moving out is not helping my stress level at all. It’s irking me more than I thought. I didn’t want to admit quite how much it bothers me. oi. 

Secondly, 

probably a month ago now...or a couple weeks I’m not sure (time is hard right now ya’ll) our dogs started fighting. Very suddenly. We’ve had Carbon since September 2018. Frank (Jake’s dog) and Carbon have never fought till this point. I’m not sure what changed because they both have lived with me (Frank and one of Jake’s parents’ dog dont get along, so he had to live with me) the entire time I’ve lived at my parents house...It seemed like we were making progress, we were able to have them out in the same room without any trouble for a few days recently. (previously we had been crating one, and switching them out about every 4 hours if we were both home) They do fine on walks together. they seemed to be doing okay, but then another fight happened a day or two ago...Jake’s suggestion is to remain living separate. I’ll move in with my co-worker, he’ll either move out on his own or with a roommate with Frank. 

to backtrack, Carbon is a almost 2 year old pit/lab mix. He was a rescue, I got him when he was 5 months old. He’s fairly mellow for his age, but he is 2, he’s young and playful. Frank is a 6/7 year old potato dog (he’s short, a little long and has a round/barrelesque body, supposedly a chihuahua, pug, staffy mix. He isn’t fat either, its solid mass. He’s older and grumpy. so maybe he just snapped at Carbon’s youthful shenanigans.  They both are very much daddy’s boys. they may have fought over his attention (now that they see him more, he has been basically quarantining at my house ) it’s kind of impossible to know. 

I don’t like the idea of living apart. I’m needy. Plus, for a majority of our relationship we have lived together already. Jake is not only my boyfriend but also my bestfriend. I’m very physically affectionate, and Jake kind of sucks at texting...Also, I’m worried that our schedules wont line up. I work M-Thurs 6:30 am to 5pm. his ST schedule could have him working 12 hour days, he could have to work on my days off. having him spend the night once a week is not enough for me, if I can help it, most of this year that’s all I’ve been getting and its been awful (Quarantine has changed that but, thats special circumstances) We already were only supposed to live apart while he was finishing his program, and now we may need to live apart another year...or more...for the rest of Frank’s life, unless Carbon passes suddenly I guess...thats a long time. I get that he doesnt want to crate them “forever” if we lived together. and if we wanted to go on a trip, we’d need specific people to help us, to be sure no fights ensued or whatever, if someone gets bit...it’s over. I understand that...it might not be fair to “crate and rotate” them for however long we need to and neither of us is giving up their dog....I thought maybe if we could get a big enough space maybe it wouldnt be so bad. we could kind of section them off away from each other...(this past year its been me and the 2 dogs in like maaaaaybe 500sq ft) but finding that might be difficult in our price range...especially since we’ll be renting and probably moving to Portland (which is expensive) it’s causing a lot of stress for me...my anxiety is causing me to overthink. Like. is this somehow a sign that we shouldnt be together? He and I got together before i was even officially divorced (granted he was supposed to just be a confidence boost, not actually a legit relationship..but we fucked up and fell in love) and he has broken up with twice over our three years...the second time really wasnt necessary because he was trying to take care of me, to not cause me to be miserable during his second year of school when he knew I wouldnt be able to see him much and that I am needy, but we ended up doing what I had suggested...which is what we are doing now..being together but living apart. sigh. I don’t know. It’s a lot going on right now. I’m not a fan....everything is super stressful as is...and now all this too...oi oi oi. sigh. it’ll work out somehow...right?

[fangirlxwritesx67]

Not Scared (Dean x reader- request)

Tags: fluff, kidnapping, platonic

A/N This was an ask for @werewolfbarbie Their prompt was "Reader gets kidnapped by deranged hunters and Dean has to go on a solo mission to find her. Focus on the friendship." CAN you believe I wrote 2k words without a single smut?

You woke up with a start and opened your eyes. The room you were in was pitch dark and you were lying on a bed tied down with your wrists locked together. Your first instinct was to scream for help. Then you stopped. That's not what Dean would do. You had no idea where you were or who might hear you, friendly or unfriendly and so you waited. You had a throbbing headache that made it difficult to think but gradually you cast your mind back over how you could have possibly gotten into this situation.

You had been hunting with the Winchesters for several months now. It had started when they solved a case on campus at your college, a monster who was preying on the basketball team. One of the young men that had been killed was your roommate's boyfriend. You were there with her when the Winchesters told her the truth about what was going on. You and your roommate stayed with them while they gave the body a hunter's funeral, burning it to prevent anything else from happening. Sam comforted you're crying roommate while you and Dean kept watch.

You were impressed by his stoic compassion as well as his hunting skills, and when he left town you exchange numbers. For a little while you texted back and forth until one day your phone rang.

"Hey," said Dean, "want to go hunting?" Turns out there was a case in your hometown and the Winchesters were hoping that someone with local knowledge could help them out. You joined them on that case and never looked back. Most recently you had been tracking a case of -well at first you thought they were monsters, but the scenes kept turning up signs that hunters had already been there - rock salt, Devil's traps painted on the wall. You couldn't quite figure out what was going on but they always seemed to stay one step ahead of you. Dean, Sam and you had checked into a crummy motel in this crummy little town last night; the boys taking one room and you taking another. Before bed, you slipped out of your room go to the vending machine for a soda. No sooner had you pressed the button then strong hands grabbed you from behind.

"Help," you screamed, just once before a hand slapped over your mouth and you felt a knife at your throat.

"Scream again," said a voice in your ear, "and I'll cut your throat and leave you for those pretty little Winchester boys to find." Then your world went black.

So that's where you were. Kidnapped and tied up by, well, whoever it was that you had been tracking- monsters, hunters, both? Carefully, so as not to upset your pounding head, you turned and looked around the room. The only thing you could see was a tiny sliver of light under the door. You flexed your arms and legs, testing the strength of the bindings. It seems like you were strapped down with wide canvas straps across your hips, chest and feet while your hands were bound together with a piece of rope. You reached as far as you could but couldn't find any hope of freeing yourself. Just then the door opened and you started. A man flicked on a little lamp, and the golden light sent bolts of pain thru your head.

"I thought you were awake," he said. As he drew closer, you could see he was about the same age as the Winchesters. He looked rugged and strong, but an ugly sneer twisted his face. "I'm surprised I didn't hear you screaming."

"I'm not screaming because I'm not scared," you said, even though you were terrified.

"Not scared?" He asked with an evil chuckle. "I've kidnapped you and tied you to a bed in a dark room. How are you not scared?!"

"Dean will come for me," you told him, setting your chin defiantly.

"Yes he will, and that's exactly what we're counting on- Dean Winchester will come for his pretty little toy and then I will have my revenge."

"So this is what this is all about," the pieces started to come together in your head. "All of these killings- it's just been a way to get Dean Winchester's attention?"

The man clenched his fists angrily. "Dean Winchester got my brother killed in a hunt years ago. And damned if I won't have my revenge."

"How do you know it will work?" "Dean Winchester is the best in the business. Trust me, every hunter follows his methods. It was pretty easy to get him interested in monster killings and then I just waited for the right opportunity to snatch you up." "That's a lot of innocent people you killed to get back at one man," you said.

"My brother was innocent too, and because of Dean he's dead." The man turned on his heels and left, slamming the door behind him.

A few minutes later, an older man came in with a plate of food that he set on the floor. He told you he would free your hands and chest so you could eat, as long as you didnt attack him. Seeing as you had little choice, you agreed. Right now you didn't have any strategy for escape. You figured you would find out as much as you could and then before you made your move. And hope that Dean got here soon.

"So is it just you and the angry guy? You asked as you ate. This hunter scoffed.

"He has plenty of reason to be angry and it's none of your business how many of us there are." Still you knew from that answered that it was at least more than two hunters. Your odds weren't great. But then again what had he said? Dean Winchester was the best hunter in the business.

It was hard to tell exactly how long you had been there, especially since you didn't know how long you had been blacked out. You guessed it hadn't been more than a day. But it was hard to say. Eventually the older hunter came back to take your plate. You hated to have to say it but you really really really needed to use the bathroom

"I have to ask," he said. Eventually he came back. "You can go, he said but I'm going to keep your hands tied together in front of you and dont look around or try anything." When he led out out, you blinked in the early evening light. Your instincts had been good about the day. Even with your head down, you could make out enough to see that there were several more people in this hunters pack. When you got back to the room, he commanded you to lay down on the bed and tied you back up.

"I'm not scared," you said "just please leave the light on." He paused then nodded before he shut the door. For one thing you didn't want to be stuck in the dark again. But you also hoped that when Dean came for you, he would see the light under the door and know where to find you.

For what felt like hours, you lay away, unable to do anything but stare at the ceiling. You couldn't get comfortable, of course, and deep down inside, you had to admit that you were scared. What if Dean never found you? What if these hunters grew cruel? What if Dean did make it to you, but was hurt- or worse?? You would have to live knowing that it was your fault.

You couldn't think about Dean, tho, without amazing memories flooding in- all the crazy adventures of the hunters life you shared. He was fiercly protective of his family, but funny and even goofy when he felt safe. And he loved to cook as much as he loved to eat. He was a wonderful man to fight, work and live alongside. Of course, alone in the dark, you did have to admit that you wondered if there would ever be more between you. For everything else, Dean was gorgeous- tall and ripped, with a handsome face. More than once you had wondered what it would be like to feel his pouty lips on yours. Lulled by good memories and sweet dreams, you must have drifted off.

You started awake to the sounds of fighting. Your heart lept with hope and fear. Had Dean come for you? Were things about to get worse- or would you be rescued? You couldn't tell. Finally you decided to take a risk.

"Dean," you shouted, "Dean!"

You heard him shout your name in response and you called back to him.

"I'm here for you; hang on," his voice was deep and he was breathing hard as he fought.

Dean was here! He had found you! But how many men did he have to fight through to get to you?? From the sounds of the fighting, it was several. Suddenly there was a loud crack then silence. You held your breath.

The door creaked open and the soft lamplight illuminated Dean's strong jaw and high cheekbones.

"Dean!" you cried. For just a moment, he sagged against the doorframe with relief, and your name crossed his lips with a sighn. With two long bow-legged strides, he crossed the room to you. His knife made short work of your captivity, and then you were in his arms. You leaned into the comfort of his embrace.

After a moment, Dean gathered himself. "Are you hurt?" He began to pat you down in a methodical way, checking for injury. You shook your head.

"No Dean, they just wanted to use me as bait for you. I'm not hurt at all. I'm just-" suddenly you felt tears in your eyes- "just scared."

"Hey you" said Dean, using one hand to press your forehead to his, "didn't you know I'd come to rescue you?"

You nodded, time seemed to slow in the golden lamplight, just you and Dean in each others arms. For a moment, all you needed was the warm of his body against yours and the comfort of his presence.

After a moment, Dean stood up and held out one hand. Throwing his leather jacket over your shoulders, he warned you not to look as he led you out of the room and eventually, outside.

Once you were in the Impala and headed down the road, you felt some of your tension slide away. The relief brought tears to your eyes again. You had known Dean would come for you.

"Hey," Dean said putting one big hand on your knee, "None of that now. You're okay, and that's what matters. No matter how many deranged hunters I have to fight through, I'll always find you. You know that, right?"

You nodded, wiping away the tears hard. Dean reached for the radio and turned it up. Led Zeppelin, his favorite. He began to sing along, first in that goofy way that never failed to make you giggle. Then his voice grew deeper as he began to really sing, belting out the words in a way you had never heard before.

You reached for Dean's hand. He took it and your fingers laced together on the leather seat of the Impala. You leaned your head back and smiled, in spite of everything. You were with Dean, and you were headed home.

[vitosscaletta]

🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓 Christian, Helena, Gina, Georgie, and Aaliyah!!!

THANK U!!!! sorry this is so late :(

CHRISTIAN

IDK if I ever said this but his whole mansion in Bel Air is modeled after the interior in Versailles - still modern but with STRONG Baroque vibes

His favorite european city - besides Versailles of course - is Venice 😳 he lived there for some time in the 18th century and loved it there... he misses it a lot

He has a ghoul.... his name is Claude, the only living descendant of his favorite sister :(( Christian tracked him down in the early 1900s in Paris and eventually offered him to embrace him, but Claude was like nah... I wanna see the sunlight dude. They’re still living together in Bel Air since they’re the only family they have left :0 

Hangs out in LA nightclubs a lot - not the goth ones we see in the game.. the sexy ones where rich people hang out, he mostly feeds from them there.. slurp slurp!

Can speak english, french, italian, german and a few words in latin.. op king. being that old gives you time to learn languages ig

Went into an overdramatic state of fake depression after Helena dumped him.. didn’t leave his mansion at all, just hung around in his room, not eating (... drinking blood..), moping and talking about killing himself bc Toreadors are fucked up. Claude is like.. get up dude -_-

HELENA

I also dont know if I ever said this but even though shes not the fledgling.. Heather is still her ghoul (she was in the santa monica clinic to get somehting done for la croy and yeah).. she regrets it because Heather is soooo annoying and does all of this shit for her like calling her her master and all that and it’s just so uncomfortable. Especially when she offers her her student loans. Helena is like “oh my god I can’t take this what the fuck?????????? this is yours. okay you know what.. if you insist.. i will take it 😏”

She doesn’t have the heart to kick her out though.. mostly because Helena misses having a roommate :c

The only people who were genuinely sad about her death are her mom and sister jhdsjhds.. the fake rich friends she had before her embrace didn’t really give a fuck about her until they realized they could get attention through it & started posting sob stories on myspace. Helena is mad about it.. those hoes treated her like a third wheel when she was alive 😤

she probably ends up “accidentally” telling her family she’s alive.. 

what annoys her the most about her death isn’t even the fact that she was killed.. it’s the fact that she didn’t die in a beautiful way, she was just some random nobody with no friends or fame who may have been killed by her boyfriend (except that the official story is that she never arrived at his house). Christian couldn’t have waited until she was an established actress so it could have been more poetic, nah he had to embrace her when nobody cared :((

She liked Christian’s Bel Air mansion but honestly?? her weird old apartment was still better - it wasn’t big and the furniture was a mess but it was still her home

GINA

Grew up with a single mother because her father died early in an accident... he was a construction worker or something :c her mom worked as a maid for a rich family until she got fired for stealing from them jdfkjsd

gets to rapture by assuming some rich girl’s identity. idk how she does that but.. somehow she does. Of course nobody knows about that, it’s her big secret 🤫 to the other rapture residents she’s just a rich heiress who acts a little different from New York’s high society because she lived abroad

she dislikes Rapture’s upper class for living so large when the poor have nothing just like she had nothing growing up.. doesn’t do much about it though..  Gina: *donates like a tiny amount of her wealth to an orphanage* wow helping people feels so good :)

Doesn’t have any real friends in rapture either except maybe Diane.. ironically because she thinks everyone else is fake 🙄

She didn’t like F*ntaine AT ALL because she thought he looked creepy but also because the Bronx accent scared her.. she’s really paranoid that he might have run into her while she was still living there and remembers her even though that’s soooo unlikely 😒 every time they’re in the same elevator together she turns away and pretends to look for something in her handbag

The civil war is just the worst for her bc she doesn’t want to align with the rebels they’re all freaks but there’s also no way in hell she’ll be on Andy Ryan’s side.. she’s just like *reluctantly joins rebels because she thinks its the winning team and because she thinks A**** is hot and doesn’t realize its the same guy she hid from at parties* *doesn’t do shit* 

GEORGIE

has a weird relationship with her mom... she died when she was very very young and Georgie really doesn’t remember much about her - almost everything she knows is from her father reminiscing about how beautiful and loving she was but that’s not.. true.. its just how he remembers her, in reality she was a very cold & narcissistic person. she’ll never know the truth though :/

does NOT care about any politician or noble whatsoever but had a soft spot for Jessamine mostly because she made a friendly impression on her (from what she’s seen on posters and all that stuff).. Georgie liked to imagine she wanted to make things better for people like her. (the heart when pointed at Georgie: this bitch digs through garbage cans. freak.)

has little pots with flowers all over her little clinic in the distillery district, it adds a little life to her weird looking little home and makes it look even more goth-ish because they’re all dried out :/

is one of those people who are pretentious about drinking tea

has a weird rivalry with dr Galvani that he doesn’t know about 😒 her clinic is near his home and she's mad jealous of him, this dude has money to fund his research and expensive tools and what does he do with it?? dissect fucking rats? (she heard about it from Granny Rags and yeah she believes everything she says).. she’s out there calling him an idiot, meanwhile Galvani doesn’t even know she even exists

used to be a pickpocket as a kid.. mostly when her dad didn’t make enough money, she still got into trouble for it most of the time though and stopped when she got older -_- its ok though because she got to steal family heirlooms at the Boyle mansion during their masquerades because one of the sisters called her ugly

AALIYAH

unlike the game wants you to believe she’s from Nevarra City rather than Ostwick 😳 the youngest of 5 siblings and the only mage in the family - since Nevarra is pretty chill about magic and has no circles, she grew up without the whole oppression thing that’s going on in the rest of thedas, thus all this templar shit is nonsense to her. We’re fine back home, thank you! Your mages are just fucked up because you put them in prisons!

She was supposed to become a Mortalitasi and have a pretty powerful position in the Nevarran court until idk something political that involved the chantry in one way or another happened and she got shipped off to ferelden’s circle (post blight duh). She managed to escape after a few weeks in its weakened state and joined the mage underground - she never really was a circle mage like in the game 🙄

She and a group of other mages she was friends with were supposed to go to the conclave together to.. vote for mage rights but you know what happened! Also you know this excerpt from a very angry person’s journal you can find in the fade? that was from her best friend who died in the explosion :c She still misses her a lot

The only people she’s close to within the inquisition are Sera, Varric and Dorian.. the rest are either more acquaintances or outright hate her (especially Vivienne.. i love her but BOY did they not get along).. She likes the advisors a little more, Josie is cool they’re not like bffs or anything but they like each other.. Leliana and her got along soooo well I think they were really good friends. Cullen was.. unfortunately her boyfriend but they also hated each other in the beginning. more on that later

The worst thing for her was the attack on Haven it fucked her up sooooo bad :c All those innocent people she wanted to protect dying, she tried her best to save them but it was still too late for some of them despite her best efforts.. it just really messes with her and she hates thinking about it.. she actually tried to run off on one occasion after that 😳

Feels sooo weird about the fact that she’s nevarran because on one hand that’s her home and she’s proud of it!!! on the other hand everyone acts like she’s the biggest freak bc they think she was in a death cult or something and she HATES it :((

[thehopefuldandelion]

Birds, Dreams, and other Happy Things

A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first fic EVER( I’ve read a ton but have never written one). I have been really loving the song Dream a Little Dream of Me specifically by Doris Day and I wanted to create a little fic about it. All grammar mistakes and errors are mine. :)

One shot, everlark...

And I do not own the hunger games...

FanFiction.net : 

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13456901/1/

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“You ready Katniss?” my roommate and singing partner, Johanna, asks me.

 “I guess,” I reply, “what if they hate the song?” 

“They won’t, otherwise I’ll beat them to bits.” That’s Johanna for you. Always telling me the God honest truth. Ever since I started working at this crusty, dilapidated bar a couple years ago, my life has changed. For the better, I guess. Life as an Everdeen has never been easy. Low paying jobs and Ramen have become the highlights of my shitty existence ever since my father died, leaving my mother to check out. My sister, Primrose, has had the happy childhood I never knew because of my efforts. At 16, I became a parent to her after my mother abandoned us, taking my dad’s life insurance money with her. Hell, I don’t know where she is but I hope I never see her greedy face again. Regardless, bills still have to be payed including Prim’s pricey college tuition. My rent is already 2 days late and I can’t afford- 

“Katniss,” someone calls in a gruff voice waking me out of my trance. I recognize it immediately as the bar owner, Haymitch Abernathy’s, voice. "You're on in 2.”

 I reply with a simple, 

“Thanks Haymitch.”

 Here goes nothing. 

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“Peet, pleaseeeeeeee. I really need a wingman tonight. You are the best man for the job,” I can almost hear the pout in my best friend Finnick’s voice over the phone as he says this. 

“Finnick, you know I can’t. I have an important meeting tomorrow I need to be well rested for. This is my final opportunity to expand the bakery throughout the country,” I tell him in reply.

 I've known Finnick since we were in diapers, running around, eating baby food. He’s always been a great friend, especially in college, but can be a real douche when it comes to any and all responsibilities. 

“I’ll have you home by 1 at the latest. C’mon Peeta. You need the distraction after Delly-” 

“DONT TALK ABOUT HER,” I cut him off and then take a deep breath, “Ok, I'm sorry I yelled but you know it's still a sensitive topic for me.” 

He’s not wrong about me needing a distraction. I had just walked into our apartment, excited to tell Delly the news about the bakery, when I see her butt naked on another man. His name was Thom or something like that. What an asshole.  

“Fine,” I grumble, "I'll come BUT only if I get to leave when I want.” 

“YESSSSSSSSSS!” Finnick squeals like a schoolgirl causing me to roll my eyes. And that’s that. 

——————————————————————————

I place a kiss on my father’s picture with my index and middle fingers, a ritual I do before every performance no matter where it is. James Everdeen was a man with both spunk and spirit and sang with the most beautiful voice. If you listened closely enough, you could hear the silence of the birds as if to hear his melodious singing. It wasn't the same since after he died and I am still grieving his death. My mind strays to the thought of Prim hearing me sing tonight. Her college is out of state preventing us to see each other more than 4 times a year. I cherish every second of her company when she visits. 

As I step onto the worn stage and in front of the 1950’s style microphone, I remember how exhilarated I become whenever that spotlight focuses on me. On my left are the backup singers, Johanna and Annie, while on my right I can hear Thresh drop a beat as Gale plays the keyboard. My body and voice are one as the words seem to flow out of my mouth in tandem with the moving of my body. “This is for you dad,” I think to myself. 

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The bar Finnick drags me to is called Abernathy’s, a small but welcoming place, near his apartment. Once inside, we both grab drinks and head over to a rectangular table. I notice Finnick winking at a stereotypical busty blond with fake eyelashes and large boobs. I roll my eyes exaggeratingly while I turn my attention to the stage (more of an elevated platform only 2 or 3 feet off the ground) as someone announces the next singer. I don’t catch her name because of Finnick’s obnoxious flirting.  

The girl, no, woman who walks out takes my breath away. From her toned, olive legs to her enticing grey eyes and dark hair, she is the most beautiful human being I've ever laid eyes on. The moment she opens her mouth I am captivated by her melodic voice. It is both sultry and sweet with a touch of harmony. I’m hooked like a fish on a line. It’s official, I’m a goner and I don’t even know her name.

 -----------------------------------------------------------

Stars shining bright above you   

Night breezes seem to whisper I love you

Birds singing in the sycamore trees

Dream a little dream of me 

As my eyes wander over the surprisingly filled bar, I notice a pair of crystal blue orbs that seem to stand out from the rest of the crowd. His orbs are locked onto mine in a comfortable gaze. Who is this man? Why is he here? And why, oh why, do I want to sing this song for him?

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Say night-ie night and kiss me 

Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me

 When I'm alone as blue as can be 

Dream a little dream of me 

The attraction between the singer and I is heated and I can't seem to tear my eyes away from hers. It seems as if time has stopped and it’s just the two of us. She seems to be singing the song directly at me until she continues searching the large crowd. Who is this woman who has captured my heart in a matter of minutes? 

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Stars fading but I linger on dear  

Just craving your kiss 

I’m longing to linger till dawn dear 

Just saying this 

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you  

Sweet dreams to leave all worries behind you

But in your dreams whatever they be 

Dream a little dream of me 

I tear my eyes away from his muscular body and slightly curled blond hair and focus on finding my sister in the crowd. Her small, slender frame and long blonde hair aren't hard to miss so I spot her right as the musical interlude ends. She gives me a smile filled with an emotion that reminds me of the day she convinced me to sing again. It was a deathly cold winter morning only a couple days after my father’s accident. I shut out the world and anything that made me feel happy including singing. I felt guilty, like I shouldn't sing because my dad is dead and I'm dishonoring him. Prim, darling, Prim dragged me out of bed, made me eat a hearty breakfast, and said she had signed me up for the Christmas caroling competition in town. No matter how much I bitched she would not have it. I did sing and I realized that my dad is still with me, both in my heart and voice. Humming and singing around the apartment has become a habit of mine ever since. Hey, singing pays the bills so how can I complain?

------------------------------------------------------------

Stars fading but I linger on dear 

Just craving your kiss 

I’m longing to linger till dawn dear 

Just saying this 

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you  

Sweet dreams to leave all worries behind you 

But in your dreams whatever they be 

Dream a little dream of me 

Dream a little dream of me 

Dream a little dream.... of me 

When the song concludes, the singer turns her back to the audience and says goodnight seductively over her shoulder causing me to drool. I must have really zoned out with thoughts of her because Finnick shakes my shoulder several times before I respond. 

“You ok, dude?” he asks concerned, “What were you thinking about?”

 I nod my head, anxious to go talk to the dark-haired goddess who just walked out of her dressing room. I jump out of my seat, startling people around me and walk (ok, run) towards my future.

------------------------------------------------------------

As soon as I sing the last note, a wave of contentment envelops me like a blanket. This is where I belong, on a stage, honoring my father through song. 

Annie drags me off stage and leaves to get drinks for all of us. Thresh, the gentle giant he is, just pats my back and smiles. He has never been much of a talker but I appreciate his calming demeanor when I have a shitty day. I feel an arm wrap around my shoulder and see a familiar face, Gale. My best friend since we could hunt. Gale has been Prim and my life support for since my father died and would lug me out of bed on days my depression got the best of me. I can’t imagine life without his ugly face.

“Great job out there Catnip. You always do great,” he tells me. 

I scrunch my nose in response to the nickname he gave me when I was 11. 

“Not too bad yourself. Is Madge here or...?” 

“No, she’s complaining that everyone would laugh at her swollen feet.” He then looks at me with a humorous glint in his eye and says, “Pregnant women. Am I right?”

 Madge and Gale have been dating since high school and are now married with a baby on the way. I often find myself daydreaming about having what they have but I snap out of it. The chances of me having someone who cares for me and would want a family with me are slim. Some would say I’m picky but its more that I’m cautious. I saw what happened to my mother after my dad died. Love destroyed her in the end and I don't know if I could live like that.

 “I wouldn’t know,” I huff, “I will be in my dressing room”.

——————————————————————————

I bump into Johanna on my way back to the dressing room. She notices the scowl on my face.

 “What’s got your panties in a twist?” she asks mockingly. 

“It’s none of your concern, Johanna.” How am I supposed to explain to someone that what I want most of all, I can and will never have.

 A couple minutes later, after I’ve changed into more comfortable clothing, I hear a knock on the door. 

Johanna, in a screeching voice, says, “Brainless, you better get out here. Haymitch wants you to mingle with people.”

I gag. I don’t “mingle”. I avoid people at all cost. My sister is out there waiting for me, though, so I grudgingly walk into the main bar area.

------------------------------------------------------------

There she is. The closer I get, the faster my heart starts beating. She’s even more beautiful up close than I could see from afar. The singer is wearing skinny jeans (which make her ass look divine), a flowy green blouse with a hint of cleavage, and not a trace of makeup can be found. Her hair is in an intricate but effortlessly messy braid. My fingers itched to unbraid it and run my hands through her luscious long locks.  

The woman is hugging a shorter blond headed girl who I assume is a friend or, possibly, sister. This intense urge to grab her by the waist and kiss her senseless bubbles up within me. I push it back down knowing I need to be of sound mind when I confront her. 

As I get closer, the blond girl says something about a cat to which the singer responds with a scowl. I’m about to tap her on the shoulder when a drunken man, about a head taller than me, with bleached hair steps in front of me and asks if the singer wants a drink. She tries to refuse but he doesn’t take no for an answer. On an impulse, I go up to her which shocks the man. 

“Hey honey,” I say while putting an arm around her waist and kissing the side of her head, “I’m sorry, I had to go to the bathroom.” 

My mind gets lost in her forest scented shampoo. She smells like evergreen trees during Christmas and her sweet perfume mixes nicely with the smell.  

The beautiful singer looks at me with wide eyes and a shocking expression on her face.Just when I thought this was a stupid idea, she continues the act by saying, “It’s ok, dear.” She then takes it a step further by laying her head on my chest as well as most of her body weight. 

The douchebag looks pissed, mumbles “whatever”, and walks away.

“Thanks for that...” She says and inquires for my name. 

------------------------------------------------------------

“Peeta,” he responds with a crooked smile, “Peeta Mellark.” 

My first reaction to Peeta saving the day was to yell at him but as I smelled his scent, cinnamon and spices, I decided to play along.

 He sticks out his hand for me to shake. 

“Katniss, Katniss Everdeen,” I tell him. When I shake his hand, I feel goosebumps rise on my skin and an electrical shock go through my arm. I pull my hand away and look at his face. It’s obvious Peeta felt it too.

“Hey, could I maybe buy you a drink?” Peeta questions me nervously. 

“That would be nice,” I say in reply excited to see where this night may go.

Peeta and I end up talking the whole night through. He tells me that he grew up in his parent's bakery and wants to open a new one in New York. His 2 older brothers, Rye and Bran, were troublemakers until they settled down. As the night continues, we seem to drift from surface level topics and dive into the darkest parts of our pasts. When I learn about his abusive childhood from his mother, I start bawling caused by the 1 too many beers I’ve had. I recount stories from Prim and I’s childhoods and my job here at Abernathy’s. When my parents were brought up, I was reluctant to tell this handsome man about my dad but as soon a s I do, I'm comforted in a way I have never felt before. Haymitch eventually yells at us to get out of the bar and I leave with a content smile on my face. 

While I’m walking to the taxi, too intoxicated to drive, Peeta calls my name. 

“Katniss, can I have your number? So, we can... you know... talk... and... stuff?” 

As I turn around, his floppy blond curls are bouncing while he runs towards me. I giggle at his hesitant tone. We exchange numbers and I give him a kiss on the cheek which puts a pink blush on his face. 

------------------------------------------------------------

Katniss and I went on our first date about 2 months later. A simple romantic picnic in the park while watching the sunset.

“Beautiful,” I said but not at the sunset. 

Without warning, she straddles my lap and gives me the shortest kiss making my body ache for more. From then on, we were inseparable. I love her and I want the whole world to know but I am not sure how to tell her. 

------------------------------------------------------------

I have fallen hopelessly and incandescently in love with Peeta Mellark. He’s been there through every painful period, strenuous performance, and temper tantrum. Without him, I’m lost; But how do you tell someone you love them when you have never been in love before?

 -----------------------------------------------------------

I hear the apartment door open and shut. Small, olive arms wrap around my waist. Katniss deeply sighs against my back.  

“Long day?” I ask. 

“Yeah. I missed you,” she tells me in return. 

I turn in her arms so I can face her and kiss the top of her head. Those beautiful silver orbs lock onto mine. A stray hair falls out of her braid, which I push behind her ear in a loving gesture. She rises on her tiptoes and brushes her lips against mine. Katniss sighs into my mouth as we tangle our tongues together.

 I can feel her tug on the hem of my gray Henley shirt which causes me to say sarcastically, "I didn’t cook us dinner just so it could burn.” 

Katniss gives off a hearty laugh and I fall in love with her even more. It seems just yesterday I was listening to her sing and admiring her beauty and now I get to call her my girlfriend. We both serve our plates and talk as we enjoy a relaxing evening at home. 

------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, I wake up and see a handsome, naked Peeta beside me. The sunlight flooding in from the open window hits his golden curls in a way that makes it look like he is wearing a halo. His muscular arms are wrapped around my slender waist and I lean my head back against his chest. This is what I have always dreamed of but never had.  

I give Peeta a languid kiss and his eyelids slowly open revealing those crystal blue eyes I’ve come to love. 

“If that’s my wakeup call every morning, I’m never leaving this bed,” he says in a low voice. 

“Peeta, I love you.” 

I said it. That confession is finally out in the open. I close my eyes, scared of his response. 

He puts a finger under my chin, causing my eyes to open. 

“Katniss, my love, I love you as well,” he says with a crooked smile.

 In that moment, I realize that Peeta is home. And as long as I'm with him, I will never feel lost.

 We spend the rest of the day in bed, repeating our confessions of love, and kissing to our heart’s content.

 -----------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Ahhhhhh that’s it! I hope you liked it. Anyway uhhhhhhh ill check in with you all later. Bye ;)

[kzorcl]

KARA

the first thing she noticed was the open lamp on the table not far away from the kitchen counter. that usually indicated that her roommate was home, so kara made quick work of putting her shoes aside and collecting her bags on one shoulder to haul them up on her loft. it wasn't a hard task, having been doing so for the past few months, and it's practically muscle memory leading her into the bathroom right after making sure that she hadn't left a mess at the common area. showering was also a quick affair, not wanting to occupy it for too long or, simply, not wanting to stay downstairs lest she risked bumping into her roommate which... wasn't usually a bad thing. things were just awkward between them, at least, for kara, it was. sighing, she stepped out of the bathroom whilst drying her hair, fully expecting to make an uninterrupted trip back to the upper deck, but someone was standing only a few feet away from her, startling her into a halt. "lena," she gasped, then breathed out softly as she lowered down her towel. "hi. i'm sorry. i just got back from practice..."

LENA

lena returned from class early today, making her way to her bedroom and reading a book as she passed the time until she could go out that evening. the majority of her lesson had been test prep she didn’t really need, so she decided to make her way back to her own apartment rather than waste her time with information she already knew well. she can hear when kara arrives home, the familiar rustling of bags the only indication the usually silent blonde was in the home. she continues reading her book, until she decides to make herself a light snack, heading to the kitchen only to run right into her shy roommate. lena isn’t overly surprised kara seems startled to see her. the blonde kept to herself and seemed more apt to avoid the other woman than to actively seek her out. not that lena minded, some people weren’t interested in being as social as an heiress socialite, and kara’s shyness allowed her to not feel like she had to impress or put on a show in their apartment. lena was introverted herself, not that she seemed it when she was out impressing her friends with equally impressive family names. “i didn’t know you played soccer.” lena muses with a little smile, realizing she didn’t know a lot about kara, which was a little disappointing. “the season must just be starting, you know if your parents come to town for any of your games they can stay here. i can make myself scarce for your family i really wouldn’t mind dear.”

KARA

their interactions prior to that evening haven't gone past polite greetings and quiet farewells, so for lena to actually bring up a topic that could potentially lead to a longer conversation was definitely a huge surprise for kara. she suddenly felt a little meek, curling her fingers into her towel as she stood a little taller, swallowing thickly as she searched for the right words to give back.  "i've only been with them for a few months so... i don't exactly have that place in the team... yet," she replied, which was true. whilst her coach had been impressed by her performance from high school, the truth was: there were better people already in the team, so the past few months have been dedicated into proving herself to her members and her coach, so she could at least have a place during the big event. kara chuckled quietly, almost sardonically, at the thought of her parents ever coming to any of her games. it was a funny thought, an impossible one, of course, considering that her parents were locked up and would never see the light of day again until they're ready to die. she shook her head gingerly and fiddled with the edge of her towel. "they're not coming," she said in lieu of the truth. "they never did. my- alex might come, though and she's just one person so..." she looked up at lena, only for a few, short seconds, before lowering her gaze down on her towel. it was an unspoken truth to kara, but it was undeniable how attractive her roommate was. "... anyway, you don't have to make yourself scarce. she can just stay in my bed."

LENA

lena’s lips curl into a reassuring smile as she notices kara’s fingers fiddling with the towel. she knew she made kara nervous, so she did her best to try to reassure her with gentle smiles when speaking to her. she wasn’t overly surprised her roommate was an athlete, kara was very physically fit. a fact lena herself was very aware of, even if she did her best not to gawk at her shy roommate’s body. she raises an eyebrow when kara laughs at the thought of her parents coming, a little surprised by that particular reaction. “your parents never come to your soccer games? that’s not very kind. is alex your sister?” lena asks, tilting her head. “i dont actually know much about your family, i suppose i’m a rotten roommate for not asking. i’m sure you know about my family, everyone does. though I promise lex is kinder than most people make him out to be. does your family live in town? is it just you and alex?” lex had been over a handful of times, though he hadn’t really interacted with kara directly. he typically likes to tease lena about her attractive roommate who was totally his sister’s type, but wasn’t about to scare kara by forcing her to speak to him.

KARA

sometimes, it is so easy to forget about reservations one has in life. the smile on lena's face isn't exactly new to kara; has always been directed quite a few of them every single day because despite the reputation that precedes her, kara has known her to be polite and kind to her. kara still doesn't appreciate the noisy friends coming over now and then during friday nights, but kara appreciates that her roommate has enough respect and cordiality for her to not antagonize her on a daily basis. but then the questions don't stop and kara finds herself wanting to brood more than anything else. it's a little surprising to know that her roommate, of all people - the very person she think who'd know everything about her given the number of people she surrounds herself with every day, doesn't know anything about the zorel case. she stomps her anger down and chooses to focus on the gratefulness that comes with lena's ignorance about the matter, but somehow, she knows that ignorance won't last very long. "they never came," she replies, choosing to be vague than direct instead. "and alex is not my sister. she's... someone special to me." it's at this point that kara finally remembers to walk away from the bathroom's entrance, hovering at the opposite side of the island instead so she's closer to her roommate without taking up too much personal space. "you're not rotten for it, don't worry. i haven't bothered asking you about your family, too, you know. i only know that you and your brother love to have parties and... that's it. i choose to create my own opinion about people instead of believing what others say about them."

LENA

lena raises an eyebrow, noticing the anger flash across kara’s face which surprises her. she had never seen her roommate irate, or even annoyed, so the fact she has a reaction to simple questions about her family is definitely something that she wasn’t expecting. kara’s answer is simple, it answers the question in so few words, lena can read the social cues to drop the questions about her family. “She’s special to you? Do you have a girlfriend I don’t know about?” Lena asks with a friendly chuckle, though her chest feels uncomfortable at the feeling of Kara having someone in her life. She tries not to overanalyze it, but she’s a bit jealous of this Alex character she had never met. she tilts to look at kara, smiling softly when kara assures her she’s not rotten. “that’s all you know about my family?” lena asks, a relieved smile on her lips. “thank god, this whole school seems obsessed with the perfect prestigious luthor family, and...they arent perfect. i hope you create your own opinion of them and dont listen to others, the luthors put on a public show.” lena says with a little rueful chuckle. “yes, we do like to have parties. you’ve never come to one by the way, and i was hoping you would.”

KARA

"she is-" kara blinks at the follow-up question, which immediately prompts a snort from her. the thought of dating alex is so laughable that she forgets her manners and inevitably drifts into a full-belly laugh. it takes her no more than two seconds to remember herself though, pursing her lips quickly with a subtle shake of her head. "alex is special to me, but not that special, i'm afraid. i'm too busy with sports and studies to ever consider having a partner. for now, anyway." kara reciprocates the smile, albeit softer and showing more in the crinkles around her eyes as she lowers herself on one of the stools. she's not the best when it comes to talking about family relationships, never really had one to base on other than alex and the danvers', so it is a little odd, makes her feel lost in navigating this particular topic. "so, you're celebrities, then. i think that's to be expected, no? you're filthy rich, your parents are out there, and..." she shrugs. "you have a brother who obviously cares a lot about you. and... about that," she chuckles in embarrassment. "parties aren't really my scene. the only party i've ever been was months ago, required by our captain for team building but, other than that, i prefer to stay here." she purses her lips. "i'm sorry."

LENA

lena smiles in relief when kara bursts into laughter at the thought of being with this alex character. she had never heard her roommate laugh like this, and she likes it. kara seems more relaxed,  more joyful when she’s laughing. “i’m sorry for assuming, well if alex is special to you she’s welcome here any time.” lena nods, celebrities was a fair word to describe the luthor family, even if she detested it, it was accurate. “my brother does care a lot about me. lex is rough around the edges and can be a bit much, especially at parties but he’s a good man and treats me well. he’s always been there for me since the luthors took me in. and, he’s my best safety when my filthy rich parents are out of line.” lena says, her tone serious for a moment before she quickly changes the subject, opening her mouth in a joking display of shock that kara hadn’t been to one of their parties. “maybe parties aren’t your scene but luthor parties are everyone’s scene. maybe i’ll convince you to come some day. you can bring alex.”

[leiasfanaccount648]

Hi, I dont know if you are taking requests at the moment but if you are Can you do a zendaya x fem!reader were they are secretly dating and either tom accidentally tells the world in a instagram live or during an interview? (Also the readers/zendayas reaction to the world knowing?)

Omg I saw this and had the best idea for it (especially for this time of the year lol). I’m really proud of myself and what I’ve written so I hope you all like it as well. I’mm also gonna tag some people who I thought might like to read this:

@spiderrrling @peterspanish @fratboievans @moonkissedtom @gigglyparker

Christmas is the one time of the year to send obnoxious gifts to your friends, or in some cases cheesy holiday cards to the people that mean the most to you. It was about 2 weeks till Christmas when you and your girlfriend Zendaya decided to send out a card to your friends and family this year. Granted some were far away from where the two of you lived but you knew they would arrive eventually. As for your guys’s friends Tom Holland and Harrison Osterfield, it had gotten to them just a little bit before the new year.

A couple weeks later, the boys decided it was finally time to take down and put away the decorations they had up for Christmas. Attempting to make time go by faster while doing so, Tom decided to go live on Instagram while he and Haz got to work on cleaning up the house. About 20 minutes into the live stream, Haz was answering a question regarding any upcoming projects he may have while taking ornaments off of the tree.

Tom was half listening, already knowing the answer and wanting to finish cleaning as soon as possible. He was putting away some knickknacks in a box when he saw the numerous holiday cards he and Haz had gotten from both of their family and friends. Someone in the chat saw Tom in the background looking through all of them and had sent a message in the chat asking what he was looking at. Haz saw it and turned around to look at Tom. “Hey, what’re you looking at, mate?”

Tom looked up at his friend before walking over to where he and his phone was, Christmas cards still in hand. “I found the cards we got this year.” He sat down for a moment in front of the phone, talking the hundreds if not thousands of people watching. “Some of our friends do the craziest Christmas cards imaginable.” He laughed softly as he saw a few in particular and explaining to the live stream what the card basically showed. Eventually he came across yours and Zendaya’s card.

You two decided to do a take on the classic movie Home Alone. Z was dressed in leggings and a cute Christmas sweater while holding the end of a strand of Christmas lights that were wrapped around you, who was dressed in all black with a black beanie to make you look more like the robbers in the movie. The caption at the bottom of the card read “Hope you’re not Home Alone for Christmas!”

Tom smiled to himself, thinking it was fine to show it to the live stream. He had known of the girls’ relationship for the past few months, as the couple had been together for a little over a year. He placed down the other Christmas cards except that one. “This one from (Y/N) and Zendaya is honestly really clever. I swear they’re better roommates than us.” He laughs softly, thinking back to the few times he and Haz had tried to make funny cards for holidays as well.

He looked at the card a little bit longer before turning it around and showing it to the live stream before realizing the card also had a back side to it as well. His eyes widened and he felt his heart drop before quickly putting the card down, “Shit, shit, shit,” and ending the live stream.

Harrison had heard his friend curse and walked over. “What did you do?” He noticed how Tom was holding his face in this hands, obviously guilty about something. He looked around at the floor before seeing the other side of yours and Z’s Christmas card. He picked it up to get a better look.

You and Zendaya were underneath a mistletoe, still in your Home Alone costumes from the other side of the card. The two of you were sharing a sweet kiss while Z held up a bag of ‘expensive’ items that you had ‘stole.’ The caption at the bottom read “We most certainly won’t be.”

There was a second picture underneath the first one where the two of you weren’t kissed but seemed to have just pulled away from one another. Zendaya’s mouth was slightly open, a small speech bubble pointing to it as it read “Keep the change you filthy animal.”

Haz sighed, looking down at Tom as he was still wallowing in self guilt. “You messed up big time, mate.” He laughed softly before walking away to finish taking the ornaments off of the tree while Tom groaned loudly.

Back at your and Zendaya’s house, the two of you were watching some movies and having a lazy day. In between movies, you had offered to make lunch so Z decided to browse through Twitter. She went to the trending hashtags of the day, the first being her own name, and the second one being Tom’s. Confused, she clicked on her name to see what the chaos was about. Her eyes widened as she read through the top 10 or so hashtags explaining what had happened, one of which included screenshots of their Christmas card.

She couldn’t help but laugh. “Of course this would happen because of Tom.” She got up from the couch, walking into the kitchen. “Hey babe,” she chuckled softly, “guess what our god friend Tom did?” You turned around, leaning back against the counter top in thought. “Hmm, did he spoil something for his new movie again?”

Zendaya shook her head before taking out her phone. “Nope,” she walked over to you, leaning back against the counter like you, “but he did spoil something.” She laughed softly before handing you her phone to read through all of the tweets. You couldn’t help but laugh as well. “Damn it, Holland!”

You and Z had been planning your guys’ relationship reveal for the past few months and were so excited for it to, but then again, you should have known that the king of spoiling things himself would do it for you. Neither of you were mad, if anything, both of you thought it was hysterical.

Later that day, Zendaya posted a picture of the two of you during your lazy day regarding what had happened due to Tom’s little mishap. She explained some stuff, mostly just saying how in love with you she was and how happy she was to have you in her life.

Tom of course replied to Zendaya’s tweet saying how sorry he was, which only got a sarcastic reply from you saying how he isn’t allowed anymore holiday cards from the two of you.

[ellerevelle]

okay so im feeling crazy and detached again (as usual lately)

but instead of spiraling into absolute fucking panic, I’m deciding to take today to just ... not wholly subscribe to this manner of thinking BUT. JUST FOR NOW. I feel like taking some of the craziness flack off myself and blaming it on some shit outside of myself. Because feeling this weird and detached cant all just be me. So here’s a brainstorming of whats got me fucked up, in no particular order: 

Trump is our stupid President

That guy who told me he loved me daily and asked me to be his girlfriend after basically living with me immediately after meeting me and I fell for hard despite a ton of red flags CHEATED on me while I was away visiting home. 

And then blamed it on MY bad communication? fuck that guy. 

But now I see one of the girls he slept with (multiple times, three days in a row) I see her everywhere all the time in everyones instagrams, at everyones parties... ugh. 

Um. People are dying. Close to me. More importantly and spefcifically women I love are dead. 

I didnt get to see Inga before she died. I was too busy forging a relationship with CHEATER GUY. Didnt get home in time to see her. Talk to her. 

Grandma. This has been the whole first year without her, come November. Its subtle, but terrible and I hate it. She was my last matriarch. The last woman who’s blood is in me. 

because Mom’s dead too. And has been since August of 2015. 2015, right? God it feels like forever ago now, probably because I’ve pushed it away. She died unexpectedly and NO ONE IN MY FAMILY HAS SAID THE WORD SUICIDE OUT LOUD even though thats what happened. She OD’d on prescribed opiate painkillers to escape her depression. And we NEVER talk about it. 

So I kindof feel insane. Not talking about things that are clearly there. Like, are they not clearly there for anybody else? Now all my women are gone. My brother literally avoids talking about feelings. My dad is a little more receptive but is more the comforting type than the forthcoming, express onesself type. Getting sentimentality out of my brother is like pulling teeth sometimes. But yet if his son does something cute, its God’s Work and he cant help but cry and get that beautiful lovie squishy look on his face. 

I’m jealous of my own nephew. I see the way my Mom loved me, in the way my Brother loves his son. And I miss being that perfect to somebody. My Dad loves me forever and always and there isnt a word for how grateful I feel for our relationship. I dont take that for granted at all. It actually kindof scares me because... hah, well what if Dad dies? Like, before I’m ready? I’ll be even MORE fucked! 

Anyways. Austins been pissing me off. I’m sorry but although Polyamory is possible and cool and im sure quite beautiful for many, 

The Austin poly scene is fucked and tainted and a bunch of slutty people having orgies and not TALKING about anything and its ruining the healthy vibe poly is incumbent upon. 

So, whatever I’m angry. So fuck that noise. 

I feel like because of cheater guy and my anger at the psuedo poly orgy sexy bullshit scene in Austin, I feel like I’ve broken up with a whole group of friends. Like, I dont want to be around any of it. I dont want to see you eat mushrooms and twerk. I dont want to see your stupid, super naked outfit. I dont think its hot you carry a flogger or can pole dance or slink around like a tarantino character. It used to be hot and thrilling and fun, when I felt like it was connected and for love and sharing and caring. But now it all just is slutty and vapid and useless and cold. Like a sad clown. And thats not sexy, its dark and desperate. *this is about both VERY particular people and broad general strokes. There are several extremely amazing friends in the scene and outskirts thereof that truly inspire me and dont fall into this catagory in my mind, although they’d probably still be angry with me for dissing things ^^ the way I just did but. fuck it, this is MY journal entry and I can be irrational if I want to. 

You cant be open fucking minded ALL the time. Sometimes people really arent acting with anyones best intentions but their own. I’ve used up SO MUCH FUCKING ENERGY making myself soften and open and “woke” and trying to go with everybodys flow. And I’m exhausted and over it. I have my own principles and theres nothing wrong with having differing opinions than someone else. 

All summer I’ve been feeling like I’m a bad person for not liking or not understanding this hyper sexual scene in Austin. I thought, “why am I shaming a scene thats giving me opportunity to really shine and be free?” when, in an IDEAL world, yes thats what the scene could be. But in what actually fucking unfolds -- humans SUCK and dudes SUCK and girls SUCK and everybody (especially when horny) are fucking STUUUUPIIIIIDDDD and ideals get thrown out the window! people arent nearly as “woke” as I gave them the actual credit for. Seriously. So! I’m fuckin OUTTIE! 

I’ve felt broken up with a whole scene. FUck cheater guy, fuck poly, fuck orgies, fuck people who are reckless with my love. 

Back to the list:

I’ve been eating too much out of boredom. Which I’ll blame on lack of quality social interaction in this town. Where are the scholars? Where are the sexy edgy BRAINY people? I’m tired of hot people in little clothing in the summer. 

Ah! Another thing for the list. its been TOO FUCKING HOT OUT. FOR MONTHS. 100 DEGREES FOR MONTHS. thats enough to make anyone insane. 

So i’m sick of teenie boppers in their nothing outfits in the heat. 

I want old smart people in peacoats. I miss books and weather and frowns. Irritable debates about literature or physics or religious theories. 

I only like my own brand of cigarettes. 

My roommates are annoying me. I dont really like my house anymore. Theres too many humans and not enough square footage. Four people to one kitchen is TOO MUCH SHIT. EVERYONE BUYS THEIR OWN BANANAS AND THEY ALLLLLL GO BROWN ON THE TABLE. thats four peoples worth of bad bananas. FUcking stupid. 

I dont have a hairdresser here. Sometimes when I feel shitty I like to throw money at the problem. Buy something. Get a haircut. See a show. Etc. 

And my hairdresser love is in Philadelphia and getting a flight to get a haircut is slightly insane (without a longer visit)

I miss Adam. 

What else can I blame my upset on. Shitty politics, shitty weather, shitty social sexual scene in my town, I dont like my house, I dont like my hair. Its too expensive to live here. No one in my immediate acquaintance or friend circle seems interested in the sort of romantic relationship I’m seeking, nor if they did does anyone have the “it” factor I look for which I’ll *try* to describe maybe in another post. 

So. I sit inside my room and try to fix stupid remedial things as if itd make a big impact. I tidy and put away clothes in attempt to feel less cluttered but am too scared to make BIG cuts and BIG changes. So instead I light insence and watch netflix and eat too much. I have started going to Barre3 again more and have been semi regular with therapy so thats something. 

I really ought to start doing “morning pages” like the book Fiona loaned me suggests in its FIRST GODDAMN CHAPTER. But, alas, I am lazy. 

No, I have become recently lazy. 

I’m spoiled. I dont do things I dont want to do. Its a major character flaw. I only push and struggle if I see worthyness in it, and lately theres been serious lack of evidence of that in, well, anything.

 #depression! 

so, I guess in summation- because nothing has been a WORTHWHILE struggle, EVERYTHING feels like a struggle. Humph. thats... thats not good. But it does, because i dont see the worth in a lot of goals or tasks or even relationships, (and i dont mean the greedy “what can I GET for ME out of this!” sort of b.s.) (I mean the... conserve precious energy, is this going to teach me something or help me grow as a person or bring love into my life sort of vibe) ...

when I dont think the energy expenditure is going to pay off, I dont do it. Or I do it half way or lazily or with tentative fear. I guess I could do an experiment and just do everything with HOPE and see if my energy put in will get a different result... but. like. I feel like I did that all summer and he cheated on me. And my “friends” said “dont be angry, be poly” and I couldnt call on my Mom or Grandma and so I call on eating and isolation and running away to visit home where no one cares I dont have a job. where the house is big and the air is cold and my friends are smart. 

I really miss Kristian. That was one of the greatest feelings of self love in my entire life. I felt like, if someone that special noticed ME. Saw ME. Little old, semi chubby, not famous ME, and wanted me around for a couple tour dates. Then I ought to believe in myself TOO. I wanted to dance, I wanted to make art, I wanted to take photos, I wanted to be bold, I wanted to be humble, I felt so open and content with myself. I was motivated to work out, I was motivated to eat healthy and clean and small portions. It was easy. It felt so fun. I loved him. I dreamt big. My imagination was so warm and excited. My inner critic was GONE. 

But he faded away. He got back with his ex. The shooting star left the sky. I’m still grateful for the experience at all, but. 

I feel a little stupid for thinking anything could’ve happened. 

And I truly miss feeling so special and excited about life. 

I dont want to run away from Austin out of fear. But I cant tell if I’m unhappy and want to leave genuinely, or if this is the spoiled part of me thats like, “this sucks, lets leave.” instead of pushing though, curating something better with some struggle, and sticking it out. 

How do people make big life decisions like this? I feel like thats what marriages do. People stay together and fight. But sometimes they get divorced anyways, its just been longer. More years wasted. When maybe it wouldve been healthier to leave sooner and cut the cord and be free to live without, sooner. 

I really like a lot of things about this city. But I really dislike a lot too. And I cant tell where I want my life to go, in a grand sense, so its hard to pick which attributes will matter in the long run. 

I dont think I should leave yet. Maybe a new house. Or like, serious efforts to declutter this one. Is this just excuses? Ugh. 

Declutter this house. If that doesnt feel better, leave the house and move to a new part of austin. If that doesnt feel better, leave austin. 

I need a job. 

[myunknownsource]

Parental Alienation

Hello,

 I am sure you're curious what this would bring you to. And I would love to get right to the point. TLDR at the bottom.

Ronee (candle-jacked) told you all a bunch of lies. The first one being that her ex had abandoned them in October. We had their son for Christmas 2 months after he supposedly abandoned them. We didn't even start dating until December.. And then she told you that he called her on new years eve to tell her they needed to break up even though they had been broken up for many many months at this point. Trust me he was extremely occupied new years eve. The only reason I can think she thought they were together was because at some point before we started dating his roomates girlfriend at the time was thinking about leaving and getting her own place and he wanted to see if Ronee would be open to the idea of him, her, their son, and his other roommate in getting a place. He only wanted to do that so it was easier for him to see his son. He ultimately changed his mind when he was skeptical of her getting a job and pulling her weight evenly, which had never really happened well in the past, the only time it did money was held over his head while he watched and took care of their son. Justin and I started dating at the beginning of December after dating for 2-3 weeks in November. We hit it off extremely well and seeing that we have been together for 4 years says a lot. I’m sure you all know and support someone who started their relationship extremely quickly and if you're ok with that it would be very hypocritical of you not to be ok with this. Which is exactly why I didn't quite understand why Ronee herself freaked out when her entire relationship with justin not only started while she still had a boyfriend but it became a sexual relationship before they were ever bf and gf. Not that I would ever care or judge something like that. I think the next lie we can talk about would be the “paramour”a lover, especially the illicit partner of a married person” shit. Justin and Ronee weren't married, they were not engaged, they weren't even dating.  Its just yet another spiteful name she felt the need to call me, alongside bashing my sexual history (which seems pretty anti feminist to me) as well as telling people I sold my body for money (i wouldn't have even been 18 so lets thank god thats not true) and that i frequently fist fought my mother and my brother, also not true you can literally ask them lol. I have an amazing relationship with my mother who i was actually just visiting in AL where they moved and my brother who just got back from fighting for your freedom just left my house like 2 hours ago. SO yeah. 

Another lie she told me herself when she was trying to get me to turn on Justin was that they were engaged when we started dating. Did she tell you guys about that or just me? Apparently because she didn't like traditional rings she didn't have one to prove it to me because he was designing one specifically for her.. Im sorry guys and no offence to justin but he doesn't care about stuff like that, its weird for him and I have come to accept that. Now on the other hand if she had told me that he asked her to design it I would have maybe believe her because thats more his style. She also told you guys his own family disowned him, that isnt even close to true. She even tried to say it was because I assaulted his sister? Whos was a minor at the time and still is now. SOO lets poke some holes in this story shall we? Justins mother and I are arguing about who knows what, I really cant remember and her daughter is behind her on the stairs (im in the basement with justin) the argument is getting heated and Donna (justins mother) decides to come about 15ft forward until there's about 3ft between us. (his sister is still on the stairs) but apparently mid argument I freak out and punch his sister? Whos 20ft away from me, past his mother? Maybe Ronee can clear that up for us. On top of that if I assaulted a minor that would have been an easy instant phone call to the police and I would have a very easy to find record in Missouri. Yet I dont. Because that didn't happen. Also why did we move back in with Donna when we had to abruptly move to missouri per instructions from our GAL (mareks lawyer from the courts) because otherwise Ronee would get the visitation she wanted which was supervised (though she had no evidence to be granted that) for 4 hours a few times a month. Despite the fact that we lived 4 hours away. Anyways, where were we? Ahh yes. Donna welcomed us into her home because at the time we were her chance at seeing their son (her grandson). I got a semi sincere apology from her for punching me in the face that night and we moved on from it, becasue im a good person. Ronee still says his family hates him but lets do a headcount. Justin, his brother, his mother and his sister, also 2 cousins. WHo doesnt like Donna? Justin, his brother, and his 2 cousins because they all also know what their parents told them about their shitty aunt. Even Ronee herself said she was a shitty mother and that Diane was there for justin more than his mom. 

Now its time for court. Ronees lawyer approached us. We found out that had we not shown up the judge would have granted what Ronee wanted (the 4 hours supervised a few times a month) which is funny because when justin called Diane (Ronees mother) she boasted how she wouldn't let Ronee take Marek away if justin couldn't make it and wouldn't let Ronee do the supervised visits because she knew he was a good dad. BULLSHIT lol. He also specifically asked us to not talk to her about what we wanted in the visitation plan because when we did she would call him crying about how she didnt want Justin apart of anything…. HE TOLD US HE DIDNT WANT TO DEAL WITH HER BS TOO! Eventually we hired a cheap lawyer who we were told wasn't the best but at this point her lawyer won't communicate with Justin even though he was representing himself and we needed someone who could file these documents when we couldn't. We had to explain to the GAL that justin hadn't seen his son in over a year and we had to show him the texts we had from a prepaid phone to Ronee where she REFUSED to let Justin talk to his son for unknown reason (jk we all know why) and he ordered that we get him that day and would start an every other weekend schedule until things got worked out with the courts. She sent her mother to bring hsia son that day and this woman has the audacity to tell Justin that this all could have been avoided. 

But I think one of the most important pieces of information I can give you is that Justin has tried to pay her support for the last 9mo-12mo after he had to quite the job where his money was being garnished. We have the venmo receipts after it took her 5 months to finally agree to accept payment from, then he was laid off for 3 months per his work contract which we also have on file and he sent her about ⅓ of what he was ordered to pay (he had no job and he sent her most of the spending money he got that I budgeted for each of us from my paychecks) about half way through his lay off he asked her something about how he thought it would be a good idea if she reported the CS payments every 6 months to the CS office. It would have been free but she was the only one who could do it. It wasn't even a demand but a suggestion that could have been talked about, we legitimately thought we had finally rounded a curve and we all could start co parenting together, but apparently he wasn't aloud to give her suggestions because she blocked him on venmo, went off on him on talking parents (the app she forced him into using despite the fact that shes in contempt of court for doing that) and specifically told him she would never report the money. We also have snips of that convo if you guys want it. Justin hasnt talked to his son in about 6 months. The few times he “has” it doesnt sound like a 9 yo and its demeaning things that Ronee herself has said in the past. About a month ago he got a call from Marek and was actually getting somewhere after he started to explain things to him. He even told his son about how in June he was parked in front of his house to get him for his 2 week summer vacation and Ronee hadnt let him get him and his son told him in a very said voice that he never knew that. Then the line went dead. Ronee texted from his sons phone saying this isn't the time to talk about that and hes been blocked ever since. 

TLDR; Ronee Halsey (candle-jacked) is abusing her power as a co parent with my fiance and abusing their child through parental abuse. 

P.S. I know I will receive backlash from her closest friends who think they know the story and thats ok because I cant sit here for one more minute while she gets away with this(I will block you though). I would be more than happy to supply everyone with any and all evidence I have. 

P.P.S OMG I almost forgot the worst part. Ronee decided one day she was going to accuse Justin of abusing their son. I knew it was going to end up happening (i grew up with a dad who had a high conflict ex wife) so every single time we picked up and dropped off their son i would discretely ask him to pose for pictures either by himself or with me or his dad. Not even Justin knew I was doing this but thank the lord I did. Because Ronee Halsey crossed that line you should never cross and accused someone of actual physical child abuse. But because shes a mother in the state of MO nothing came of it. Despite the pictures I sent to her lawyer and the GAL he supposedly met with their son and he came to the conclusion that he did infact have a black eye and busted lip but he got it while wrestling his dad. DESPITE THE FACT THAT MY PICTURES OF HIM WITHIN MINUTES OF GETTING IN AND OUT OF M Y CAR FOR THAT WEEKEND SHOWED HE DIDNT HAVE A SINGLE MARK ON HIM. The saddest part is that when I recorded the conversation Justin had with Marek the next weekend he told Justin that he never saw or felt pain from them, he said his mother told him they weren't the kind he could see. I will gladly send snips from those emails to you guys. 

@chewybitart @notlemha @karygurl @sushichan24 @eagleoverlord @thementalwayfarer @angelsdoexist @saltwaterhermit @candle-jacked

[hey-hey-chan]

Afraid of Falling - Changbin

❀ Comedy, fluff, college!au

❀ Word Count: 3.2K

❀ Starting a school year isn’t easy, especially when you swear off boys for the entire year. When an annoying, yet attractive, guy moves in across your dorm, that promise becomes harder to keep.

❀ a/n: HAPPY BIRTHDAY @changbeanie AKA MISSUS RUBY !!! I LOVE U SM AND THANK U FOR BEING AN AMAZING FRIEND AND AN AMAZING LIFE MENTOR FOR ME !! I LOVE U !! :DD and pls follow my advice and find a nice manz in college. or at least dont be afraid of it ;-; 

“New year, new problems.” My roommate said. She was unpacking all her clothes and dumped them into her respective closet. I shook my head at the debby downer. 

“Ok true, but you didn’t have to say it out loud.” I noted. 

I was in my sophomore year of college and although I was excited for the new experiences, I knew the school year was going to be hardest than the last. Especially with my new internship that I’ll have to be working around my homework time. 

“Of course I did. Hey, did Seolhyun message you if she’s here yet?” I checked my phone and of course, I saw the message from the girl.

“Yes, she texted that she was going to be late ‘cause she had to pick up a burger...on her way to move in day.” My other roommate, Jimin, just let out a chuckle. 

“Sounds like Seolhyun.”

It was my second year with these two girls and I would’ve have it any other way. We were practically family now. 

“Hey, I still have some stuff in my car but I have to unpack this, could you-” Before she could finish her sentence, I was already putting on my shoes.

“Fine, Jimin, but you owe me.” She gave me her signature puppy eyes while I strolled out of the door. Jimin could be extremely lazy at times, but I wasn’t gonna turn down seeing new freshmen hussle into their dorms. 

As I was turning the corner, I felt my body crash into a firmer one, sending me back to hit the wall behind me. My tiny body fell to the ground at my weak legs.

“OH MY GOD! I’m so sorry!” I heard a deeper voice say. I groaned in pain  from the collision, but once I opened my eyes, I felt myself stammering over my words. 

The boy in front of me had bright eyes and a mischievous smile, but his eyes looked genuinely worried about my well-being. 

But I was supposed to be pissed at him. So I glared at him. Or tried my best to.

“Um, it’s fine.” I dusted myself off and turned to the staircase. 

“Wait!” He called out. I whipped my head around politely, but felt the urge to run away from this boy who made my heart skip a beat. 

“Yes?” The boy gave me a small smirk and extended his hand to me.

“I’m Changbin, I think we live on the same floor?” He then pointed to his dorm and I saw it was right across from mine...great. 

“Y/n, and yup I guess we do. Well, I have to go pick up some stuff for my roomie, but I’ll see you around?” I said nicely. Changbin gave me a slow nod and waved me off. Before he could say anything else, I ran off, practically sprinting to get Jimin’s stuff. 

I felt my heart pounding uncontrollably in my chest like I was some kind of 16 year old girl, yet I couldn’t help the attraction I held for the random boy. I shook those thoughts away. 

“Relationships are terrible. Stick to the plan and you’ll get things done this year. You have no time for a stupid college romance.” I muttered to myself.

The more I muttered these words, the more I believed them. So I will keep muttering them. 

As I walked back up from my friend’s car, I felt my disappointment when I didn’t see Changbin. I ignored the disappointment in my heart and walked into my dorm. 

Once I walked into, I saw 3 unexpected visitors. And one of them was Changbin. Great. 

I immediately saw a happy Seolhyun who was leaning against her bed with a bunch of bags in her hands. 

“Y/N!” The girl ran up to hug me and I felt myself awkwardly wrap my arms around her. 

“Hey, who is this?” The three boys gave me small smiles, making me feel weird at all the attention.

“Oh! This is Woojin, Chan, and Changbin! They live across the hall from us!” Before the girl could even finish talking, Changbin butt in.

“Yeah, and we were just asking if you guys were coming to the movie night in the commons this evening. They’re showing Crazy Rich Asians.” Immediately, my eyes lit up.

“Oof, you spoke the golden words. Y/n loves that movie.” I turned a bright red as Changbin cooed, but I pulled myself together. 

“I mean, who can’t? It’s such a cute movie and even though it has a crazy, unimaginable plot, it’s all about family and shows normal values and struggles regular people have.” Once I stopped talking, I realized how much I rambled and everyone was staring at me. I combed my hair to the side and made my way to my desk. 

“So I take it as you’re coming?” 

“Yes.”

----

Soon, the clock hit 7:49 PM, meaning it was time to head down to the commons. 

“So, you and Changbin?” Jimin teased. I refused to let my anxiety show, so I shrugged her off. 

“What about me and Changbin?” I retorted. Seolhyun scoffed and grabbed our keys from one of the shelves. 

“Seriously? He is totally into you?” I knew my cheeks were a light blush, but I ignored it.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. He’s just being friendly.” Jimin let out a hum of disapproval and shook her head. 

“Yeah right, the boy was practically drooling at you, it was lowkey disturbing.” 

“He was not drooling. That’s gross.” Seolhyun shrugged.

“It was something like that.” She noted. 

Before they could say anything else, we arrived at the commons. I saw groups of girls gossiping to one another and a few familiar faces scattered the hall, but before I could look any harder, a familiar face popped up once again.

“Hey, you made it.” Changbin noted with a smile. I scanned his outfit and noticed he was wearing all black, just like me. He had a tight black t-shirt on and black joggers, paired with black Nikes. I had on an almost identical outfit. 

“Yeah, um, I told you I was coming? My favorite movie? Hello?” I teased. Now it was his turn to blush a light pink. Now I felt nervous.

“True. But I don’t know, some girls I know like to cancel plans randomly.” I shrugged and gave him a serious stare.

“Well, I’m not one of those girls.”

“Hello? Is this mic on hehe?” The MC, who I noticed was Chan, moved the mic closer to his mouth, making the familiar high pitched echo resonate throughout the room. Even I flinched at the noise. “Ooops! Well, hello all of you pretty faces! I’m sure all of you know that we will be showing the famous Crazy Rich Asians!” The whole crowd cheered, including me. 

“We will be getting started shortly, but please, get seated and be kind to your neighbors so you don’t ruin the experience for them, ok? Ok!” Chan hopped off the stage and went to plug in something to the big projector. 

“He’s a character, huh?” I almost forgot the boy was standing next to me.

“Oh, Chan? Yeah I mean, he’s interesting but he seems nice.” I said truthfully. Changbin took a swig of his Coke and nodded.

“That’s exactly how I would describe him.” The boy then looked around, making me do the same. And then I realized my friends ditched me. Great. “Hey, wanna grab a seat?” I nodded forcefully, still angry my friends left me with some random guy. Like what if I didn’t like him? What if he was creepy?

I took a seat next to Changbin, carefully avoiding his body so we wouldn’t get any awkward body contact. 

“You want anything to eat?” I shook my head politely, even though I really wanted some popcorn. 

“Nope, I’m fine.” 

I was simply just too lazy to get up. Soon, the movie started, which thankfully ended the chat between Changbin and I. 

---

The movie was ... more uneventful than I thought. I avoided all conversation with Changbin during the movie because I hate when people talk during movies. Thankfully, the boy didn’t really talk either. 

When the ending scene came on, tears were filled in my eyes and I casually wiped them away so I wouldn’t seem sensitive. 

“Are you crying?” The boy teased. I quickly turned my head.

“Yes! It’s sad so what if I’m crying?” I spat. 

The boy sat up from his laying position and stared at me with a curious glint in his eye. “Hey girl, slow your roll. I was just asking. You’re a pretty crier.” He noted. If my cheeks weren’t already so red, I would be blushing. Thank god I was crying.

The lights came on and everyone was a tired mess. It was only 11pm yet I already wanted to crawl into my bed. 

“Hey, so..” I heard the boy start. I tensed up at his voice. “Do you like, wanna hang out sometime?” 

Wait, what? 

I felt my heart tense up even more and a chill ran down my spine out of nervousness. What do I say? Do I say yes? I just met this guy like this morning!

“Umm... sorry I’m just not looking for a relationship.” I blurted. Right as the words left my mouth, I wanted to take them back once I saw his hurt expression. “I mean, it’s nothing with you, it’s just...”

“You.” He whispered softly. I nodded sadly. 

“Yeah just-” 

Suddenly, I saw the familiar figure float by, sending my body into a mini shock. 

Changbin quickly caught onto my anxiety and looked behind him. “What?” I shook my head, my eyes not leaving the person.

“N-nothing. It’s fine.” Changbin raised a brow at my pitiful excuse. 

“You sure, it’s doesn’t-” He was cut off when I felt my body jump back out of reflex at the dude. Changbin turned around and looked in the direction of my eyes. “Your ex?” He whispered. I gulped and nodded. 

“You still like him?” 

I scoffed and shook my head harder.

“Hell to the no. He’s just a total creep and weirdo. I hate him oh God why is he here?” I mumbled quickly. Out of nowhere, the heathen started to walk in my direction. “Oh shit.”

“Is he coming this way?” 

I nodded slightly, trying to avoid how close he was getting. I felt my heart pound, wondering why the boy was coming over here. 

“Ok, sorry for this.” 

Before I could ask any questions, Changbin’s lips were on mine.

Wait.

What.

The kiss was gentle yet passionate, making me want to run away yet stay planted for a long, long time.

Where the hell was this boy my whole life and why does he kiss so well?

Before I knew it, the kiss was over when he pulled back softly, still a close distance from my face. 

“Good?” 

I shakily looked passed him and nodded. “Good.” I whispered out.

Suddenly, the situation seemed too real for me. My heart was beating out of my chest and my hands were turning cold. What is wrong with you, y/n? You’ve only known this guy one day. 

“Hey, are you-”

“Sorry, I have to go.” I quickly picked up my purse and ran upstairs, passing all my friends and people trying to say hi to me. 

I quickly ran into my room and shut the door quietly. I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to calm my labored breathing. 

“What the hell was that?” I whispered to nobody. My goal this year wasn’t to make friends or a boyfriend, it was to stay focused on school. And here I was. Standing in the middle of an empty room only thinking about the boy’s lips on mine. I shook away the thought and crawled into bed. “That was fun while it lasted. But you have better things to worry about.”

I slowly closed my eyes and fell asleep, swearing to myself I would never talk to the boy again. 

-----

The next week went by somewhat smoothly. I didn’t get lost on my way to classes and I didn’t get alone with Changbin once this week.

Soon, the sun went down and the sky was dark, signaling it was time to get ready for bed. 

“Hey, y/n, wanna go brush up with us?” I looked over at the two girls but waved them off. 

“Nah, I gotta finish my essay first.” I muttered. I couldn’t focus on anything else when I was in my zone. Typing was pretty much the only thing that made me happy, and I was writing about a topic I was passionate about. 

“Suit yourself.” 

The night went by and finally, at 2am, the essay was finally done. I set down my coffee and stood up. Knowing I wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight, I got up and went to use the bathroom. I left the room quietly and brought my toiletries with me. I carefully shut the door, hoping I wouldn’t wake the other two up. 

I walked into the girl’s bathrooms and did my nightly routine, feeling groggy and awake from the coffee- it was a weird feeling. 

I rubbed my eyes and slowly walked back to my dorm. I dug through my pockets to look for the key. 

Shit.

I 

forgot 

my 

key.

“Oh my shit.” I muttered sadly. Now, I felt fully awake and ready to cry. How could I have let this happen? “That’s the last time I’m drinking coffee that late.” I mumbled. 

“Y/n?” 

Oh great. This night just keeps getting better and better. I closed my eyes and forced a smile. “Hey, Changbin.” The suspicious boy raised a brow and looked at me and then at my door. 

“You’re locked out.” I crossed my arms, mirroring his stance. 

“Ok, so what if I am?” I said with a higher tone. Why does he have to be here? Out of all the nights? 

Changbin leaned against his door and rolled his eyes. “Nothing, I wasn’t gonna say anything mean.” I said nothing to his words as we both stood in complete silence. Talk about awkward. 

“Well, I was actually on my way to the cafe. You wanna come with?” I raised a brow at his statement.

“A cafe? It’s 2am!” I exclaimed quietly, careful not to wake the others. Changbin gave me the familiar smirk and shrug that made my heart flutter. 

“You have something better to do?

----

The cafe was brightly lit which made me squint to stare at my coffee. I twirled around he little wooden stick and ignored Changbin’s intense stare. The boy was wearing a black shirt with a blue flannel on the outside. He was wearing his familiar black beanie and black joggers as well. He hadn’t changed. 

I took a light sip of my coffee, careful not to spill. “So, why have you been ignoring me?” He deadpanned. I choked. I covered my mouth with a napkin to hold in the hot liquid. 

“Um, what do you mean? I haven’t-” 

Changbin interrupted me by scoffing and leaning back in his chair. “Y/n, I’m not stupid. I know you’ve been avoiding me and...” His voice trailed off, leaving me on edge. “And I don’t know why. I swear I thought we clicked right away. I would’ve have kissed you if it made you uncomfortable. I’m sorry.” He apologized sincerely, but I could tell he also felt a bit awkward and a bit upset with himself. 

I shook my head quickly. “No, no, it’s wasn’t that. I mean, sorta, not really.” I sighed and leaned in my chair. “It’s complicated.” I mumbled. Changbin raised a brow and fiddled with his coffee. 

He said nothing and I’m not sure if I wanted him to, because I spilled m feelings anyways. It was 2AM and I was feeling quite open.

“Ok, so basically, um, the kiss...wasn’t bad.” I noticed the smirk on his face and narrowed my eyes at him, but said nothing. “But...” I sighed. 

He chuckled softly. “But is the worst word in the human language.”

“But I’m just...not ready for a relationship right now.” I said quickly, hopeful not to hurt his feelings. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure if I was lying or not. I’d never expected a relationship, but with Changbin, I wouldn’t be upset about exploring one. 

Changbin sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Is it ‘cause of your ex?” He asked. I nodded slightly.

“Well, some about that, some about just...I don’t know, I don’t feel ready.” He raised a brow. “I guess I’m afraid I guess.” I whispered softly. 

I wasn’t sure why I was telling him this. Probably because it’s so late-or early- and my mind was all jumbled and emotional.

At my words, his face turned hard, but then loosened. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking. 

We sat in silence for a moments while he took a big gulp of his coffee. My hands were shaking, I don’t know from the caffeine or the anxiety. 

“You know,” He started. “You shouldn’t be afraid of love.” I ignored his words and mindlessly traced the designs on my mug. 

“Everyone is. It’s normal.” I said truthfully. 

“I’m not.” The boy proclaimed proudly. I scoffed and shook my head. “Serious, I’m not. I love love. I love falling in love. I love being in love. I even love just loving.” The boy confessed. I felt my cheeks go deep red by him saying “love” so many times, but I hit them with my sleeves.

“Even if someone doesn’t love you back? Even if someone hurts you? Do you even love then?” I asked softly. 

I heard the worker in the back shifting around, filling up the empty silence. The clock was ticking louder than usual as I was waiting for his response. 

Then, like I expected from Changbin, he laughed heartily and gave me a sweet smile. 

“You plan on breaking my heart, y/n?” 

I felt my cheeks heat up and I laughed awkwardly to cover my awkwardness. 

The boy chuckled and shook his head. The boy opened up to say something, but my phone buzzed loudly. He gestured to me to look at it.

‘dude, where tf are you????’ I shook my head at Jimin’s question.

‘i got locked out im a doofus. at a cafe’

‘alone??’

‘no.. with changbin’

‘..... come back whenever u want. i’ll leave ur key outside. im going back 2 sleep’

‘thanks jimin!’ 

“Jimin’s awake.” I noted. The boy stood up and pushed in his chair. 

 “It’s late, we should get back now anyways.” I nodded, tossing out my empty coffee cup. 

“You’re right.”

The walk back to the school wasn’t long, it was merely a close 5 minutes, probably even shorter because of the empty roads. Soon, we reached our building and were doing that awkward goodbye thing couples do. Expect we weren’t a couple. Not yet. I shook that thought away. 

“No.” I jumped in shock at his random outburst.

“W-what?”

“No I’m not scared.” He looked at me intensely. Usually I would want to run away, but this time, I just wanted to keep this stance. I didn’t feel scared with Changbin, I just felt...at home. Like this was completely normal. 

“I’m not scared of not being loved back. Because my biggest fear is not trying at all.”

At those words, he gave me a small smile and unlocked his door softly. 

“Good night, y/n.” 

I gave him a smile and mustered up the courage to grab his hand and squeeze it, surprising him.

“Good night, Changbin.”

[uriel-ignatius121]

More Shadantis?? Shiro/Adam/Lance/Curtis is my new OT4

[i am loving this ot4 but i am having a hard time figuring out what i want for their personalities? Like we barely know Adam and Curtis - but it is safe to say that they are awesome dudes because, in VLD canon, Shiro loves them - even with the drama of Kerberos and Adam... but this is my happy-ish AU and i write the rules, and canon is my bitch now - all the ages are different because an institution like the Garrison should enroll people as young as 18 for programs like being a pilot or space explorer etc. Programs for highschool level can exist but just teach you general classes - but leanings towards sciences?? idk.]

Shiro and Adam met first, enrolling into the Garrison around the same time and got into similar pilot programs - though Shiro was more interested with going further than just being Fighter Pilot.

They were roommates and slowly got closer and closer - and then they started dating. Shiro was pretty much an overachiever and thank god Adam was around to nag Shiro to take a rest or eat between studying. Adam was content with his current position and place in life, but he worries about Shiro a lot since he was going to Space a lot and he was visiting the Medical Wing more times than usual.

Lance enters the picture when he enters the Cargo Pilot program at 18 years old with ambitions to move on to be a Fighter Pilot. Shiro is an instructor for basic flying between Space Missions while Adam trains the fighter pilots.

Lance has a huuuge crush on Shiro and practically worships the ground he walks on. When in need to extra help with his classes, especially in improving his simulation scores, Lance was too shy to ask Shiro for any help but he keeps visiting the Instructor’s Lounge or pass by Shiro and Adam’s room.

Adam notices though because he isn’t as oblivious as Shiro and he calls out to Lance one day to offer to tutor him.

Adam is impressed with Lance’s tenacity and charmed by his loud and bright attitude. Adam can see that Lance was very much capable of achieving whatever he puts his mind to, he just needed the occasional confidence boost and praise, which Adam can gladly give in buckets just to see those blue eyes sparkle.

Shiro soon notices Adam spending more time tutoring the younger Cadet and how happier Adam is after his sessions with Lance. Shiro started paying attention to the aspiring Fighter Pilot. He was happy to see the cadet’s scores improving since being taken under Adam’s wing. Shiro also started to see the happy-go-lucky cadet be the friendly, social butterfly he was and how that no matter what assortment of team members he got assigned with, he was able to adapt and adjust accordingly to be as useful and effective as possible.

Adam started out as bestfriends and then best friends who dated but they havent really explored much beyond that in terms of exclusivity. They very much love and care for each other and will like to keep being in love and happy through any means necessary. Shiro was much aware that Adam might be feeling a bit lonely, their schedules never meeting right and Shiro’s missions taking months away from planet... the possibility of seeing other people was never off the table.

They soon have a talk about it, Adam’s feelings for Lance and what Adam believes the depth of Lance’s feelings for Shiro.

 After another tutoring session, Adam asks Lance to stay a bit longer. Lance is curious what this was about and he stays, right after sending Hunk, his roommate, a quick text that he might be late for their study date.

Adam suddenly invites Shiro into the room and Lance starts to feel like a cornered rabbit, but he is quickly reassured by the 2 Instructors what this was all about - inviting Lance into their relationship. First, Lance was totally shocked that his ‘unattainable’ crush and his tutor he was low-key flirting with were dating and second, they want to date him as well...

Lance request that he needs to think this over, he is still confused and unsure... but he promises to give his answer soon.

Lance goes to talk to his sister Veronica who worked at the Garrison as an Analyst. She smacks Lance on the backside of the head for not knowing Shiro and Adam were dating despite being a Shiro fanboy. The 2 siblings have a heart-to-heart, Lance finally admitting to someone who was not Hunk that he was bisexual and very much interested in dating guys - specifically these 2 guys who very much want to date him as well.

Veronica tells Lance that she loves him no matter what and she supports what decision he makes and when he does open up to the rest of the family. She also reassures him that if Adam and Shiro do anything to hurt him, she’ll make sure that their next flying exercises will be hell.

After the weekend, Lance comes with his answer and the comfy duo become a trio... much to Keith’s annoyance that the loud kid from his early flight classes is dating his sponsor and a guy he considers as family.

Fast forward through Shiro’s diagnosis (i dont think his illness would kill him instantly? maybe like cause muscle and nerve damage that would lead to paralysis if left untreated which would cause complications like respiratory distress and other organs and body systems failing), the sudden increase of Shiro’s missions despite his condition, the planning of the Kerberos Mission, Adam and Shiro’s big FIGHT (which Lance was very much concern of Shiro’s well being but Adam isn’t venting his frustrations to the younger man so he is unaware of the fight), the Kerberos mission and the crew’s disappearance, Lance trying to stay strong for Adam and himself, Keith’s expulsion from the Garrison and Lance jump into the Fighter Pilot program which Adam doesn’t instruct anymore because of the stress and depression from Shiro’s ‘death’, Shiro’s sudden ‘return’ and the finding of the Blue Lion.

Adam was at first distraught at hearing Lance’s last call, about founding Shiro but that there is something bigger going on and that he will only come back once everything was okay and he has Shiro by his side.

Adam trusts that Lance and Shiro will care for each other, he is happy that they have each other - Adam doesnt have high enough clearance to be informed of what happened that night, but he meets Lance’s sister who fills him in.

Fast forward some more through the story - Shiro is the captain of the Atlas, Adam is the Commander of the MFE pilots, and Lance is the Red Paladin, the SiC of Voltron.

The MFE pilots are working closely with Voltron while the Atlas stays as back up and support. Shiro is very much inexperienced in leading a group of this scale, a whole battlehip - but he needs to think about the lives that need saving all across the Universe as well as those he cares deeply about. He tries to keep his voice steady and clear and his aura of that as a strong leader... but there are times he feels alone, he is far away and way too busy to be with his friends and lovers. Shiro befriends Curtis, one of the Senior Officers chosen by Commander Holt to be part of the Atlas Crew. (Curtis is younger than Shiro & Adam but older than Lance)

Curtis has more experience in working with crews and ships of this manner, not of the scale of Atlas, but the protocols and basics are there. Shiro usually confides with all of the crew of his limitations in knowledge regarding being the captain of Atlas’ kind, but mostly to Curtis who was always happy to help. Curtis becomes more attuned to Shiro, as he wishes to be as helpful to the Captain as possible, he makes sure that the bridge functions as smoothly as possible - even asking Veronica’s help, which will cost him. He makes sure Shiro is aware of his scheduled meetings with the higher ups and his dates with his boyfriends, checking with the Red Paladin and the MFE pilots’ CO (he also starts to get to know Adam and Lance here as well). Curtis slowly realizes that he was developing feelings for Shiro... his captain who already has 2 boyfriends that love him fiercely that one them even traveled to Space for him.

One day Curtis walks into the bridge, accidentally interrupting some discussion Shiro was having with Adam and Lance. He quickly excuses himself but Shiro calls him back.

Curtis keeps his head lowered, looking at everyone’s feet instead of their eyes. He feels outnumbered and out of place, worried that they know of his feelings for the Captain and that they want to tear him a new one for even daring to even imagine being with him. He is startled by the hand on his shoulder, a friendly pat coming from the Red Paladin of Voltron, he receives a warm smile from him and a friendly greeting and reassurance that he has nothing to worry about.

Curtis looks at Shiro who seems bashful, but looking at him with curious eyes. Adam was the one to break the silence, explaining to Curtis what the current situation was - that Shiro has feelings for Curtis and thinks he might fit well in their little family, that Lance and Adam agree. Shiro and Curtis talk about it further, with Adam and Lance as an audience.

Similar to Lance, Curtis wants some time before he can give them an answer, and with that they all separate to return to their jobs, though Shiro and Curtis are awkward about it at first - they ease back into their roles with work as their main focus.

After a night thinking it over, Curtis calls for all three of them when he says yes, he wants to date them.

And the steadfast trio becomes a family of four