#even remus is chipping in a bit for pat!

[thewriterghost]

Game Night

Pairing: James Potter x reader, platonic!Sirius Black x reader, platonic!Remus Lupin x reader

Summary: Game night with the boys

Note: Hope you enjoy this! Reblogs are highly appreciated!

*****

You knock on the greenish wooden door. It takes them barely a minute or so to open the door.

"Hey, dove. Come on in." Remus opens the door as usual. You can hear the ruffling and bickering from the living room.

"They've already started, I assume?" You ask as you walk in, taking your coat off and hanging it.

"No, that's the usual banter. They haven't even picked the game yet." He rolls his eyes, despite the fact that both of your faces displayed a grin.

He makes his way towards the kitchen as you stand in the doorway of the living room. Your eyes find your boyfriend immediately. And truth be told, it wouldn't be hard for you to find him even if there was a crowd of people. He had this charm, making everyone turn and look twice.

He is on the big couch the boys had in the middle of the living room, occupying almost the entire space by lying down. His signature glasses looking like they are about to fall down from the tip of his nose, yet he doesn't make an attempt to straighten them. You smile as the banter continues.

"Don't just say no-" James starts but Sirius is quick to shut it down.

"No." He says, from where he sits on the floor, in front of the smaller sofa.

"I just said don't say it!" He throws his arms up dramatically.

"What's he saying no to?" You chime in. James sits up the second he hears your voice.

"Hey, love." He pats the space he no longer occupies for you to sit. You sit down next to him and give him a short and sweet 'hello' kiss, straightening his glasses while doing so.

Sirius answers your question. "He wants to play a prank-"

"He is saying no to a prank, love, can you believe it?" James interrupts.

"Prank on you." Sirius finishes, despite James. Your eyes turn to your boyfriend, in betrayal.

"W-well," he looks at you and then turns to Sirius. "You can't just say that!"

"I can and I did. Enjoy the fight." Sirius grins as he gets up and makes his way towards the kitchen."Oh, husband! Do you need help over there?" You hear him dramatically stretch out the word 'husband', to annoy poor Remus.

Your attention turns to James. As if he was waiting for you to be alone, his lips finds yours in a heartbeat. You can't help but giggle, making him back away for a second.

"Are you trying to distract me from the prank thing?" You manage to ask with a smile but he leans in for another kiss and the topic is long forgotten.

"I didn't know you missed me that much." You grin as he pulls away.

"I miss you all the time, baby." He makes it a point to extend 'all'. You hum, affirming.

"I miss you too." Right as you were about to lean in once more, Remus and Sirius walk in with snacks and drinks.

"Get this one out of my hair, will you?" Remus says to you while pointing to Sirius with his eyes, before popping down on the smaller sofa.

"Says like he doesn't like it." Sirius gives you a wink as he lowers himself down to the floor, sitting between yours and James' legs.

Remus doesn't answer, but the look of disapprovement he gives you is enough to make you laugh.

"What are we playing?" You ask, reaching for a piece of chips from the bowl Sirius has on his lap, which earns you a small slap on the hand and a 'get your own bowl' look from him.

James opens the list of games on his account from the tv screen, as Remus passes along a controller to all of you.

"We can continue the last one we played." James suggests as he keeps scrolling. You recall the last one as a bit stressful shooting game.

"I wanna play something cozy for once." You say as you change your position to a cross-legged one on the couch.

"I can't believe I'm saying this but yeah, me too." Sirius adds, as you lean down to steal another piece of chips from him. Which basically means it's decided, because whatever you choose gets a second vote anyways because of James.

James clicks and starts a cozy farm game.

It takes you and Sirius a while to pick a nice outfit and a hair for your characters. ("Oh, I hate that hair." "Oi, Pads, that kinda looks like my hair!" "Yes, Prongs, I'm aware.") But you manage to start playing within the first hour, to you surprise.

James gets up and stretchs right as you finish planting your little pumpkins.

"Don't do anything significant until I get back." He quickly adds, as he disappears towards the bathroom. "And don't you dare talk to that little pixel of a man!"

His jealousy makes you laugh, but before you can answer that you won't, Sirius points out the npc in question, conveniently walking towards you when you have a really nice gift for them.

James decides to come back at that exact moment, right when you were giving the npc their gift. He stands with his hand to his heart, eyes filled with sadness and betrayal.

"I just left for five minutes and you're already romancing people?"

"I'm just giving them a gift-" You try to hold your laughter in.

"Oh, is that how you justify the cheating?" He sits next to you, with a dramatic sigh.

"It's just an npc!" You try to defend yourself, giggling in the process.

"That's all we are to you now, huh?"

"Give up, dove. There's no winning with this one." Remus chimes in, shaking his head in disapprovement, but you can see the way he is holding the smile in.

You put your controller down and reach towards James, cupping his face and pulling him in. You can feel him smile into the kiss. You pull away.

He sends you a boyish smile, making you feel all giggly like a school girl. You scoot over towards him as he puts one arm around you and connects them in front of you with his controller.

"At least they can't kiss you." He mumbles next to your ear, still on about the npc, clearly.

"Should I tell him now, or do you want to tell him that npc's can kiss our characters?" Sirius pushes his head back to see both of you, with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"They can what?" James perks up. "Oh, I'm not leaving you alone for a single second now. No bathroom breaks!"

Laughter fills the room.

[lumosinlove]

Christmas Eve Will Find Me

Four: Sirius

Safehouse Somewhere in Athens

Athens, Greece

No one could know, but Sirius was fairly certain he was going insane. He dreamed of Remus. He glimpsed him in dark, dreamscape spaces and then in London. All of their familiar spots. But he was always turning a corner, or walking in front of Sirius who couldn’t seem to reach forward. His name always stuck in Sirius’ throat.

The dark safe house ceiling was no comfort when Sirius jolted himself away for the hundredth time.

“Do you ever wonder…” Remus had begun that sentence more than a year ago, and Sirius still believed that he wouldn’t have been able to guess what he was about to say.

They had been in London, at George’s, on their second beers and making their way through their chip wrappings. Some happy Irish song was bouncing around the shop, but Remus’ expression had been solemn. He’d chewed slowly, staring out the steamed up window. The fog made his brown eyes look like milk poured into coffee.

“What?” Sirius had prompted, knocking the necks of their bottles together.

He remembered being thrilled to have Remus all to himself this late into the night. He didn’t live near Sirius, but near his parents and his little brother, Julian. Sirius didn’t like thinking of them. He’d tried to look in a few times, but seeing ten-year-old Julian’s face had been nearly as horrible as watching Remus get dragged away. It’s my fault, he’d wanted to say. He’d wanted to beg for Julian’s forgiveness and also tell him that he didn’t deserve it, all at the same time.

“George,” Remus had called. “Can you turn this one up?”

The song was already loud, but George shrugged and dialed it up three more notches. Sirius’ neck prickled. He was worried about listening bugs.

Remus had looked around George’s fish shop before leaning a little closer. Freckles, Sirius always thought. Freckles like stars. “Do you ever wonder about them?”

Them. It was the word for Salazar.

“Wonder,” Sirius had repeated. “What do you mean?”

Remus pressed his lips together.

“Re.” Sirius shook his head. “Talk to me—”

Remus’ phone had started to ring. Sirius had caught a quick glimpse of the name before Remus had excused himself to take it outside.

Pascal.

The memory faded when James, laying beside him, reached over at patted his shoulder comfortingly.

Sirius sighed. “How did you know I was awake?”

“You breathe differently.”

“You’re just used to watching Harry sleep.”

“Maybe,” James said. “Maybe you need a little bit of babying, too, to make up for lost time.”

Sirius snorted. James knew about his parents. Cold, passionate people with their ideas in all the wrong places.

“Leo’s on watch?” Sirius asked.

“Yep. Think we can teach Finn a few tricks so we can all get more sleep?”

“Not a chance.”

James laughed softly. His phone briefly lit up the darkness as he checked the time and then groaned. “You’re right, but damn. We should be asleep while we can. You change over at dawn.”

“Honestly, I think I’ll be glad for the distraction.”

“What, you’re own head getting to you? You? Wow, I never would have guessed that.”

Sirius reached out blindly and whacked him in the chest. James hit him back, but they settled again. He tried to match his breathing to James to see if he’d noticed and received another pat.

“It’s something with their memory.” Sirius had to force the words out.

“Yeah.” James swallowed audibly in the dark. “I think so.”

“I don’t…” Sirius shook his head. “They’re killed—we saw them die, and then they show up and—”

Did Remus not know him? Sirius felt sick thinking of it. He tried to put himself in Finn’s shoes, who he’d left curled on his side with all of his clothes on, staring at the brick wall through his bedroom window. If they found Remus—or, like Logan, let Remus find them, would Remus not recognize him? Did he even know his own name?

“We saw them shot,” James said. “We never…We assumed they were dead. Their trackers went offline, we thought their bodies got thrown over—”

“What if whoever took them disabled the trackers?”

“We need to know for sure who we were dealing with six months ago at Sounion,” James said. “Black market and weapon dealing isn’t enough. We need names.”

Sirius could see the three faces they’d managed to track. The woman, and the two men—brothers, most likely.

“Why did Salazar call off the mission after we lost Lo and Re?” James hit the mattress with a harsh palm. “That’s what I can’t fucking wrap my head around. Why not get those fuckers?”

Do you ever wonder about them?

Sirius didn’t know how to say it to James. Had Remus meant Salazar? He’d refused to speak about it after the fact. But now Salazar wanted Remus shot on sight. He thought of whose safe house they were in, and whether it was really safe at all.

“I never asked before,” James continued. “Because I didn’t think it was any of my business…” Sirius knew what was coming when James turned towards him in the dark. “But did—”

“No,” Sirius said to the dark ceiling.

“You didn’t even hear my question” James asked.

Sirius reached out and grabbed James’ wrist, tapping twice on its inside. Their own code. Someone might be listening. He made something up and knew James would go along. “He wins enough money off me, he kills at poker.”

“That he does,” James replied without a beat, but he was tensed beside him. A moment later, he was pushing himself up. Dawn was beginning to make a faint orange line across the bedroom war, coming in through the kitchen.

“C’mon,” James said. “They’ll be setting up the markets. Leo’s on watch. Let’s bring him coffee and wake up our little passenger and go over that phone call radius.”

Sirius looked up at him in the dim light. “Logan always did like leaving at dawn.”

He was reluctant to rouse Finn. The room was freezing. They would have to do something about that. Finn’s suitcase was open on the floor and clothes half spilled out. There was no room for any sort of dresser—or maybe just no care for it. No one stayed long enough, perhaps.

“I’ll do it.”

Sirius turned to find Leo standing behind him. He looked tired, and cold. He was holding a cup of the coffee that James had made—way too strong.

Leo rolled his eyes a little at Sirius’ expression, then shouldered past him. “He’s stronger than he looks.”

“Really?” Sirius said. “I’d be a mess.”

He already was a mess. It had the intended effect, making Leo pause to look at him before settling on the edge of Finn’s bed.

“Finn,” Leo said gently. “Are you awake?”

“Are you awake?”

Sirius drew in a slow breath before opening his eyes. If anyone had told him, upon entering the academy, that his roommate would be a fucking talkative insomniac, he wasn’t sure what he would have done.

“I am now.”

Remus Lupin’s silhouette pushed up from his cot across the small room. “Are you hungry?”

Sirius could still see him there, half-silhouette and half moonlight. He hadn’t known that he would be entranced, for a long time, by how handsome he thought Remus Lupin was. He’d thought that from the very beginning.

“Sure. I’m hungry.”

Sirius went back into the kitchen. He didn’t want to watch this part. He didn’t want to watch Finn wake up and remember.

James looked at him. He was in his own dark, sleek winter jacket, had a black beanie pulled low, and his contacts in. He cupped his mug close to his chin and watched Sirius add milk to his own—how Remus took it. Sirius looked back at him once he was holding his own mug, too.

James’ single arched brow said all he needed to. Of course Salazar is listening. He darted his eyes around the room. This is their safe house.

Sirius nodded, but he didn’t know how to communicate, Remus was worried about something and I didn’t realize it soon enough in just one glance. He didn’t even know how to say it to himself. Salazar had been a part of their lives for the last decade. They’d got through training together, him, Remus, and James. And then had come Logan and Finn, two years later, and then, finally, Leo. Malfoy and the other higher-ups were old-fashioned and crude, but the work they did was important. Necessary. They were protectors.

James just sighed and took a sip of his coffee. “I miss her grilled cheese.” Lily. He wouldn’t give anyone else who might be listening a name. Just like how, for Logan, Finn was always Red, or Rouge.

What would Sirius have called Remus, if he were a civilian? If he weren’t always at his side. If they weren’t always in danger together. Would that have been better? Remus waiting at home for him? Sirius, waiting at home for Remus? He didn’t think so. He preferred Remus in his sightline. He preferred the option of diving in front of a bullet for him. Only distance prevented him from protecting Remus.

He should never have let Remus go down those cliffs without him.

James cleared his throat to get his attention. He had written something down on a napkin. In his scratchy handwriting,

TELL ME.

Sirius didn’t know what he was going to say, but he looked over his shoulder where he could hear Finn and Leo’s soft voices. He wrote quickly:

R X TRUST S?

James read the words and his reaction fell over his face. He flicked his eyes up to Sirius. Didn’t trust Salazar? Honestly?

Sirius shook his head.

Why?

Sirius shrugged and shook his head again. He’d never gotten Remus to say.

Leo was about to come down the hallway, Finn on his heels. “Are we ready?” Leo called.

James was still frowning, hazel eyes worried, as he stuffed the napkin in his remaining coffee to bleed the ink away.

“We’re ready,” James said, though Sirius didn’t feel it.

[thebibutterflyao3]

Day 19 - Prompt: Past @wolfstarmicrofic

January Daily Series - 688 words

<<<Previous Post OR Start Here

Sirius promptly choked on the chip he’d just popped in his mouth. He coughed and spluttered as he tried to dislodge the offending bit from his throat. Thankfully, he didn’t drown in the tea he chased it with.

“Are you alright?” Remus asked, reaching over to pat his back. The slight wince as he stretched hit Sirius like a fist to the chest.

“Fine!” His voice came out strangled and far higher than normal. Sirius cleared his throat, then tried to move past that mortifying moment with a joke. “I’m fine. You’d think I’d know better by now than to try to breathe with my mouth full.”

Remus’s eyebrows shot up, then he grinned. “It’s been awhile, yeah? Muscle memory fades with disuse, you know.”

Sirius coughed through a laugh. It was impressive how quickly Remus recovered that time. He’d already adapted to Sirius’s flirtatious deflections within a few days of meeting him.

Almost as impressive as those hands.

Heat flared at the base of his neck and climbed to his cheeks. Sirius fanned his face as he reached for his tea. He hoped Remus would assume the flush was from a lack of oxygen instead of embarrassment.

It was official, he was having A MomentTM right now. It was the only explanation for his overwhelming reaction to Remus today. He’d nearly dropped their lunches when Remus groaned earlier and now he was choking on a chip while watching the man lick his fingers.

Why the fuck was that so hot?

Sirius rather enjoyed the warmth in his chest when Remus did something particularly adorable, like when he twirled the cord from his jacket around his finger or tugged on his beanie with a sheepish grin. This comically theatric finger-licking incident should have caused the same reaction. Remus was not even trying to make it sexual. The man was bundled up in a thick jumper with a crocheted blanket in his lap and resting against a heating pad for fuck’s sake!

Yet, Sirius was vehemently repressing a shiver as he watched Remus meticulously suck the tip of each finger into his mouth. Little flicks of his tongue poking out to collect stray salt granules should not be sexy. Remus’s contented little hum as he examined each finger did nothing to dispel Sirius’s reaction.

“Anyway,” Sirius said, tearing his gaze away. “I wanted to thank you for saving James yesterday. He will probably track you down and thank you properly himself, but I couldn’t wait.”

Remus dropped his hands to his lap and shrugged. “It would be a pity for a fit bloke to drown for such a stupid reason.”

“Actually, it would have been two. No way would I have left him down there alone,” Sirius admitted. He toyed with the remaining chips on his plate. “Same for Reggie, if it had been him.”

Remus tipped his head curiously. As if a forty-five degree angle would help him better understand Sirius’s lack of self-preservation. There was nothing logical about his devotion to his best friend, or his brother.

“Really? You would have left Padfoot in your brother’s care?”

“I would hope that a compassionate stranger, like yourself, would step in to save both of them from such a fate,” Sirius teased, smirking at Remus.

“Now wait a minute, I could have kept your dog? Can I go back and-”

“Nope! Too late, you’re already a bloody hero,” Sirius interrupted cheerfully. He lifted from his seat and leaned over Remus to collect his plate. “You must be terrible at chess. Honestly Remus, ignoring an opportunity like that? It’s a bit disappointing.”

Remus cupped Sirius’s elbows as he pulled back, preventing him from standing upright or stepping away. Pale green eyes searched his face with an intensity that Sirius wasn’t expecting after their jocular tone. He arched an eyebrow questioningly.

“What?”

“I made the right choice,” Remus said, a soft smile tugging at his lips. He lifted a hand to tuck the loose strands of hair that fell in front of Sirius’s face behind his ear. “The world needs more people like you, Sirius, not less.”

Well fuck me sideways.

Next Part>>>

[logarhythm-bees]

To Unearth and Back Again; ⛅Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty Seven | Table of Contents

See ronithesnail's absolutely wonderful art for this story!

Didn't know how I could tell you But you could already tell - I don't need anybody, I'm fine here on my own But if I needed somebody, It'd be you I'd call my own.

-Stella, Cereus Bright

They all joined together on Remus’s tea party, Thomas especially lighting up when he realized that Remus’s green tea biscuits were actually really good, and Roman only spilling a little bit of tea on his brother in compensation for this mess they’d been in. He’d probably still fight him later, but for now, he was satisfied to be around his family again. Growing, and new.

Janus gave him the beginnings of a quiet but earnest apology that did make Roman cry a little bit, and he was quickly surrounded on all sides by his family comforting him, Janus patting his hand tentatively and telling him they’d get to a more thorough apology later.

Later, later. So many things to do later, and yet he felt so unafraid in the face of them now with all he’d been through. He blinked a few happy tears out of his eyes, a warmth flowing through him that he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

The biscuits made several rounds around the table, the final one being split between Roman and Virgil. Virgil had taken Roman’s hand under the table again, like he’d done yesterday (and wasn’t it strange, how long ago yesterday felt?) and Roman ran his thumb over the nail polish, chipped in spots now from their adventuring and efforts, but still that deep black color that shone purple when it caught the light. A perfect allegory for Virgil, and maybe for their family as a whole–a little messy, a little bit broken, but more than anything it was beautiful, and it was strong–and it was worth it, to heal with it, Roman smiled to himself.

The sun was reaching its evening position in the sky as the last of the tea was being poured into Janus’s mug, and Thomas got up from the table and stretched, drawing the attention of the room. “I’ve gotta go,” Thomas laughed. “It’s been fun going on this quest with you guys, but I miss my bed. And my phone. And a lot of other things too, but you get the jist, right?”

“I think we do,” Roman said, smiling. 

“See ya’ later, yeah?” Thomas grinned, and Roman mirrored it. “See you later.”

Thomas disappeared with a thumbs-up, popping back into his apartment.

Janus was sipping his tea, seeming content to slowly finish drinking it, but the party’s other attendees seemed to have other ideas.

“Well, you two have something you’ve got to get to,” Remus interrupted abruptly, hooking an arm around Logan’s neck and tugging at Patton’s hood with his other hand as he winked unsubtly at Roman. “And we’ve got some dinner to cook! Right? Right? Right!” Remus laughed. “We didn’t have any dinner plans,” Janus started, trying still to finish the rest of his hot tea, but Remus grabbed his capelet over Logan’s back and sank the four of them out.

“Good luck!” Remus yelled, grinning as he disappeared into the floor in a puff of green smoke that flooded the room.

Roman and Virgil coughed as the smoke billowed around the tower, covering the harsh stone walls and pointy turrets out the window. Roman grabbed onto Virgil, holding him close and waving the smoke away, fanning frantically with his hand. Roman was just about to sink them out to go after his brother again when the smoke abruptly cleared, bricks of granite giving way to rolling grass covered in flora, sharp edges turning to soft clouds, and most importantly, the little plastic table fading into a red-and-purple picnic blanket, complete with a picnic basket and wine glasses where the tea biscuits and and mismatched cups and mugs had been. The only hint at all that this had been Remus’s doing were the Venus fly-traps dotted in among the vibrant lilacs and geraniums. 

A picnic, for him and Virgil. It had sounded wonderful, at the start of this. 

Virgil tucked his arm around Roman, smiling up at him cautiously, and Roman laughed.

Now, it sounded perfect.

Roman was about to bow, wave Virgil to the blanket with an “after you!” and open the basket for them, but he remembered fighting back-to-back with Virgil, sword by sword, side by side, as equals, and stopped. Together, then.

He stood up from where he’d already half-bent, instead offering Virgil his arm awkwardly and shooting him a gentle smile. Virgil took his arm, cocking an eyebrow at him, and Roman swallowed the nerves in his throat. This was Virgil, his fighter, his equal, his love. Together, they would be alright.

Roman linked their hands together on top of his own.

“Shall we?” He said, starting towards the blanket, and Virgil came with him.

The blanket was surprisingly soft. Virgil sat on one corner, facing the sun, in the same moment that Roman sat next to him and placed the basket in between.

“Sorry.” Roman said as Virgil opened the basket. Virgil stilled in confusion. “Sorry?” he repeated.

“About…everything that happened.” Roman continued. “I–the day before yesterday, after dinner, I was just thinking, I really wanted to have a picnic with you.” Roman blushed, picking at the threads of the picnic blanket. “So I asked Remus to keep the other three out of the way for yesterday morning. I didn’t realize he’d take that to mean ‘treat us like your personal dnd campaign,’ but in retrospect, I really don’t know what I expected out of my brother.”

Virgil laughed, open and unguarded, and Roman smiled wide, cheeks sore from all the smiling he’d been doing today.

“I dunno what you expected from your brother either, dude.” Virgil snorted, lifting a mug and spoon out of the basket, white ceramic dipped in purple and gold marbling. He handed both of the items to Roman, and Roman removed the fabric wrapped around the top to reveal a double-chocolate mug cake with purple and red sprinkles. “It certainly didn’t turn out so bad though, did it?”

Virgil lifted out of the basket one of his own, the same cake but in a red-white-gold splattered mug this time. Tentative, but not shy, Virgil shifted closer to Roman on the blanket, asking silently for Roman to meet him in the middle–which he did, leaning against Virgil’s shoulder.

“It did turn out rather good,” Roman said, shoving a spoonful of cake into his mouth.

Virgil hummed, poking at the cake as he thought to himself. “Why’d you want a picnic with me?”, Virgil asked after a second, sounding to Roman like he already knew the answer. Roman didn’t mind affirming it either way.

“I like you.” Roman said, blunt as a blade in a brick. “I knew before, but going on this adventure with you has been…really cool.” Roman felt his cheeks go pink, playing absentmindedly with his spoon and twirling it between his fingers. “I just like being with you, like this. I thought it might be like the other three are, before, like…romantically, but I don’t think that’s what it is, really.” Roman shifted closer to Virgil, who did the same. “I just like- I love being by your side, Virgil. I love you, even if I’m not sure exactly how.” Roman fidgeted at his cloak, nervously wondering if it was a good idea to spill his feelings to Virgil like this after all.

“Is that okay?” Roman asked.

“‘Course it is, Princey.” Virgil said. Virgil laced their fingers together, arms intertwined. “We don’t need to know how we’re feeling for it to be valid, look at how I’ve been before.” A quiet clink of metal against ceramic as Virgil sat there fiddling with the spoon and leaning into Roman, who wasn’t sure how to prompt a continuation.

“I love you too, by the way.” Virgil said, sensing his worry. “I thought you might have figured that out already, though.”

“I did,” Roman said, letting out a sigh of relief, “but it’s nice to hear it confirmed, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Virgil agreed. Roman knocked their spoons together, his right hand against Virgil’s left, making Virgil smile as Roman took note of his soft light purple eyeshadow.

“In that case,” Roman asked, rubbing his thumb over Virgil’s in their joined hands, “do you want to be partners? We don’t have to know exactly what that means, but–I think it would be nice, to be. Partners, that is. Maybe we could have a proper day together when we get back.” Roman lifted up their joined hands to swing them back and forth sweetly. “Paint our nails together, or something!”

Leaning closer to Roman, Virgil settled their joined hands between them where their shoulders pressed together. “That sounds great, Roman.”

Roman pulled away to look Virgil in the eyes. “The start may have been kind of a mess, but I’m glad I got to go on this adventure with you.”

Virgil smiled back at him, touching their foreheads with a grin as the glow of the sky and fantasy flowerbeds reflected off of their skin and their mugs and the blades still tucked in their hilts, symbols now of the bond they had forged together as partners.

“Me too, Princey. Me too.”

To unearth, and back again.

[lcisabc23]

James and the gang came running up to Lily, James had a few pink Lillies he found by the lake he held them out to her. “Here ya go lily flower!” He said shouting a bit with an excited smile on his face. Lily froze before turning to James she looked back from the flowers and up to James she clenched her fists feeling annoyed. As James went to reach out to hand her the flowers she smacks them out of his hands “Can’t you leave me alone already! God, you’re so annoying James! I’ll never go out with you!” She yelled at him. Everyone around them went silent and tense as did James he looked down and tensed up “Right sorry” he muttered before hurriedly walking away.

“Hey, Remus!” Lily said with a wave only to be cut off by three sets of glares. “That was very harsh Evans. If anything you do not deserve James who has been trying his hardest to date you” Remus said pissed off “Yeah we get you don’t like James but you could’ve been nicer honestly Evans you aren’t pretty you aren’t even close to James’ league and you say James is annoying when in reality that are you.” Sirius says grabbing Peter's hand knowing Remus most likely had more to say so Peter and him have to go comfort James.

“Remus.. I…” Lily started as she reached out to Remus “No Evans we were friends mainly because of James yet you couldn’t even act nicely to a boy who is my best mate and who was simply so deeply love you had to tear his heart out? Please do not come near me or the boys anymore or else we will say stuff we will not regret” Remus said walking after the boys.

When Remus reached them Sirius was hugging James tightly as the other sobbed into his arms Peter was saying soothing words while patting James’ back. “Oh, prongs she doesn’t deserve you anyways.” Sirius said biting his lip tears forming in his eyes from his best mate's heartbreaking sobs “That’s not the point I loved her Sirius!” James cried out as he clenched his fists onto Sirius’ back Sirius sent a look to Remus making Remus nod and leave not before kissing James’ head “I’ll be right back” Remus said leaving.

When Remus came back James had calmed down a bit “Whatcha got there moony?” James said sniffling “Some snacks,” Remus said smiling as he sat next to the three boys on the hallway floor “Thanks lads,” James said smiling a bit as he reached out for the chocolate chip cookie. “Whatcha saying thanks to them for I'm the one who brought the snacks” Remus said crossing his arms as if he was pouting in reality he was smirking. James raised an eyebrow “Yeah but I mean for being here for me I know I’ve been acting like a prat and all but I’m lucky to have you guys here with me.” James said with a smile “Aww James are you getting soft” Peter teased making James tense and blush a bit “No shut up!” James said feeling embarrassed as he tried hiding back in Sirius’ neck “Aww our little prongsie embarrassed” Sirius said making the other two laugh making Sirius laugh then James.

“I love you guys, you guys are my family,” James said smiling “As you are mine,” Sirius said “Huh now that I think about it maybe we should kidnap Regulus and make him join our little family,” Sirius said excitedly making the two sane ones look at him “That’s an amazing idea Padfoot!” James shouted excitedly as well “No no no! We are not kidnapping anyone!” Remus said putting his foot down making Sirius and James pout.

Little did the four know the said brother was down the hall listening “They’re planning to kidnap me?” Regulus mumbled confused and immediately turned around and walked back the way he came “That’s the last time I’m ever listening to my brother and his friends” Regulus said with a weirded-out look on his face.

[snowdice]

Creased Hoodies (Chapter 3: An Asiago Revelation) [Folds in Time Universe]

Fandom: Sander Sides

Relationships: Logan/Virgil, Janus/Patton (background), Remus & Roman  (background)

Characters:

Main: Logan, Virgil

Appear: Patton, Roman

Mentioned: Janus, Remus

Summary: Virgil just wanted to go on his planned summer research trip to do an anthropological study in 2005 America. However, when he is taken off course by an unknown enemy, he ends up stranded in the summer of 2018 with no way to get back the the 44rd century. Luckily, 2018 happens to be where a certain illegal time agency is based, and he might have an in with one of its agents.

This is the intermission for the story Folds in Paper. It takes place between Folds in Paper Book 1 and Book 2. It also takes place after the first 5 chapter of “Messages for a Hacker” which are side stories in the universe. Check all of this and more out on my Folds in Time Master Post.

Chapter Summary: Virgil reveals some things.

Notes: Time travel AU

This is a fic I’ve been writing on study breaks that you have probably all already seen at this point. I’ve slightly edited it for wording and grammar, but not for content from my previous posts. Feel free to send in asks to direct it because I’m not 100% sure where this is going and you can help decide if you feel so inclined! You can see the process I went through to build this at this link.

Part 1 Part 2

“Would you… like some tea?” Logan asked once Virgil and Patton shuffled into the apartment.

Virgil was peering at him curiously, which was fair since while Logan had seen his face in Silver Mountain University’s directory and then in various video calls, Virgil had never seen Logan’s own. It made Logan feel suddenly out of place and self-conscious. Virgil seemed to be nervous as well, though Logan wasn’t sure if that was due to meeting Logan or the events leading up to meeting him. He was playing with the sleeves of his hoodie. Interestingly, his clothes were probably more in line with what a standard 21st century adult would wear than what Logan or either of his roommates typically wore. Logan could imagine meeting him at a local grocery store: a tired college professor hoping that if he wore unprofessional clothing on the weekends, then maybe his students wouldn’t recognize him while he was buying hot pockets.

Thinking of unprofessional clothing, Logan suddenly felt extremely warm in his fuzzy pajama pants. “I should probably change,” he said, grimacing. “Pat-” he barely kept himself from completing Patton’s name. “Could you put the kettle on?”

Patton was giving him a suspicious look, but Logan chose to ignore that as he dashed out of the living room to get changed and fix his hair. By the time he’d returned, Patton had herded Virgil into a chair. There was a plate with a cookie in front of him. It was chocolate chip. Good, good, Virgil liked chocolate chip. He always got them from the coffee shop on campus whenever he was hungry in the afternoon.

“So,” Logan said, feeling at least a bit more put together now that he’d had a minute to process what had happened and was in presentable clothing. “May I ask what’s going on?”

“I was going on that summer trip to 2005 New York,” Virgil explained, “and my timepiece broke. I didn’t know what to do, but I ran into Pat and recognized him.”

“Ah,” said Logan. “May I see the timepiece?”

“Sure,” Virgil agreed, taking it off of his wrist and handing the watch like device over.

Logan studied the timepiece for a few moments. He tried tapping the display and pushing different buttons, but the device didn’t respond.

“Can you fix it?” Virgil asked, after watching him fiddle around with it.

“Hmm?” Logan asked, having gotten slightly distracted by the brand-new piece of technology in his hands even if the device was currently broken. “Oh. No, absolutely not.”

“What do you mean no?” Virgil asked.

“I have no idea how this is supposed to work. Perhaps I could eventually figure it out, but the technology involved in it is doubtlessly incredibly unfamiliar to me. Paired with the fact that it isn’t currently in working conditions, learning how it works let alone fixing it will take a very long time.”

“B-but you’re time travelers, aren’t you? And you’re the tech person. You don’t know how to fix time travel gear?”

“Oh,” Logan said. “I could fix my time travel gear with the use of one arm in a dark room with no tools, but that does not translate to being able to even turn this on. At least not outright. We’ve found this technology has a completely different pedigree.”

Virgil looked at him, brow pinched, and Logan realized far too late that he might have already said too much. They had agreed as a group after their first run in with the TPI to not let people from the future know when they were from or that their technology came from a completely different source. It was likely to cause more problems than it was worth, especially consider the first interaction they’d had with the time agency from the future and… Virgil did work with them.

“Great,” Virgil muttered. “He can hack into a highly secure database with an iPhone 5 to rearrange my tv show files, but he can’t turn on a fancy watch.”

“It is a bit more than a fancy watch, Virgil,” Logan said with a frown.

“So…” Patton said. He’d taken a seat at the kitchen table and was leaning forward with his chin propped up on his fist. “Do you two… know each other?”

“He is the person who plugged the iPhone Janus stole from you once into a computer,” Logan said.

“Mhmm?” Patton said with that lilt that said he thought Logan was leaving something out. He was correct of course, but it still made Logan scowl at him.

“Virgil Eran,” Patton continued, “as in Janus’s ex-roommate who burned down the apartment.”

“Oh, he fucking would!” Virgil seethed. His eyes lit up in full blow rage which was a new expression to Logan who had never seen him angry before. “I did not burn down the apartment. If anything, it was his fault! Towel with cooking oil my ass!”

“Well,” Patton said, unconcerned with Virgil’s outburst. “At least we have a general idea of when you’re from in case we can’t fix your timepiece and have to drop you off.”

Virgil’s face paled a bit. “Oh god, I would be in so much trouble for illegal time travel.”

Patton laughed. “To be fair, I’d be the one doing the ‘illegal’ time traveling. You’d just be a passenger.”

“I don’t know if they’d see it that way…”

“Well, I can at least attempt to fix it before we try that,” Logan offered.

Patton gave him a look, but it was Virgil who accused, “You just want to know how it works.”

And then Patton was giving Virgil a look. After a few seconds of staring, he was looking at Logan once again even more skeptically.

“Yes, well,” Logan coughed. “It would be mutually beneficial.”

“Also,” Patton cut in. “I’m pretty sure something caused him to crash. So, maybe I shouldn’t be trying any time travel before making sure whatever caused Virgil’s issues don’t cause any for me. I would rather not have another jungle adventure if I can help it.”

“You think it was sabotage?” Logan asked.

“It was too convenient,” Patton replied. “He ended up near a music stage during a concert. The crowd just thought the noise the crash made was an issue with equipment. That seems like it was specifically planned to cover up the crach.”

“Not to mention he happened to land in a time period where we are based,” Logan added. “That is suspicious as well.”

“I’m not a spy!” Virgil interjected.

Logan quirked a lip. “I know, Virgil,” he said. Patton was looking at him again.

“I would be way too anxious to be a spy.”

“I know, Virgil.” Logan said. “It’s possible they were targeting you more than us or all of us.”

“Why would someone target me?” Virgil asked.

“Well, you do work with the TPI,” Logan pointed out. “In particular, with Janus, who has been investigating some of the other time distortions with unknown sources. We’ve been running into those as well.” He paused to think for a moment. “Perhaps we have a common enemy we are not yet aware of.”

Virgil groaned and put his head on the table. “But I don’t want to be all mixed up in time politics bullshit. I want to go to a Panic! At the Disco concert and observe the beginning of YouTube.”

Logan chucked fondly. “Unfortunately, you seem to already be mixed up in it.”

“This is the worst timeline.”

“You could have gotten stuck in pre-history for 2 months,” Patton pointed out.

“Did that happen to you?” Virgil asked, sounding a bit horrified.

“It’s why I’m tanner than usual,” Patton said as though Virgil knew how tan he normally was. “You can ask Janus whenever he gets back from it.”

“And I get back from this.”

“That too.”

“Wait, so, Janus was stuck in pre-history?” Virgil asked.

Patton hummed. “I do have to thank you for dragging him to that club that taught him to make clay pots. It was very helpful.”

It was clear they were intending to continue the conversation in that direction, but before Virgil could say anything else, they were interrupted. The apartment door swung open with the jangle of keys. “I’m back!” the voice of their third roommate called. “I know you said to get whole wheat bread, but you’re boring as hell, so I made the executive decision to buy Asiago cheese instead, and there was a buy one, get one 50% off deal, so I bought 6.”

Roman wandered into the kitchen with his bags full of far too many loafs of bread that Logan did not ask for (and knowing him, likely some other bakery items Logan did not ask for). He paused in the doorway to the kitchen, visibly confused as to why they had a stranger sitting at their kitchen table. Virgil also seemed confused by his presence.

“Remus?” Virgil asked.

Roman froze and his mouth popped open at the sound of his twin brother’s name.

Now, that out of all of the surprises of the day was the most unexpected.

Want to read more? Click below!

Part 4

Folds in Time Universe Master Post

My Main Masterpost

[an-organized-confusion]

Co-conspirator presented this funny, mildly NSFT scenario (in which Remus is indeed a little shit, but we wouldn’t have it any other way):

Him: April Fools prank from gymrat!au Remus on Janus

A gorgeous cake with the following written on it "Sorry about the sex, Roman."

Janus forgetting it's April Fools thinks Roman’s having a depressive episode

Roman has no clue what's going on, "Why would i apologize for our sex life, it's fantastic? Even with our diminished energy."

Virgil angrily bursting through the door dragging a wheezing Remus - tears streaking his face from laughing so hard.

[Virgil] Starts ripping out the bugs Remus has planted in their place to relay the audio. Remus is flopping like a fish who can't breathe.

Him: Janus goes from concern for his partner being in denial to outrage, to slowly accepting this was a pretty damn good prank and it opened up the topic he'd been stepping around tenderly with Roman.

Then just breaks into hysterical laughter accepting the joke was truly on him.

Then proceeds to hit Remus repeatedly with his cane.

"WHO TOLD YOU TO DO THAT TO ME. YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF. INSERTING YOURSELF INTO YOUR SIBLING’S SEX LIFE."

Roman quickly grabs the cane and goes "woah, nobody gets to hit my sibling for shit like this. EXCEPT FOR ME."

*Immediately starts beating Remus with the cane repeating the exact words Janus used*

Virgil then proceeds to grab the cane "No, stop. You're only encouraging their next prank idea."

Virgil then proceeds to start hitting Remus with the cane "WHO TOLD YOU TO WIRE UP THEIR APARTMENT TO RELAY AUDIO DIRECTLY TO MY PHONE. WHO TOLD YOU TO SEND YOUR SIBLING’S PARTNER INTO A TIZZY. DO YOU KNOW HOW AWKWARD IT WAS TO HAVE MY BOSS HEAR THEIR SEX LIFE DISCUSSION AT WORK?!"

Me: i love this shit (now just thinking abt if lo getting involved in this nonsense)

Him: Lo gets his own beating for encouraging this (buying the supplies)

Meanwhile Patton is just bringing everyone cupcakes cause he decided to bake, walks in on them beating Remus, doesn't bat an eye.

Alas, he pranked them all by making salty cupcakes.

Me: fantastic

... tho he might not give Roman a salty cupcake

so Roman is gonna get more confused

(also just because Pat was being conscientious of Ro's health)

Him: Roman got a hot pepper cupcake

In fact, they each got a different flavor

Remus got black pepper Janus got salt, Logan gets a cupcake with chips inside Virgil is the most confused getting a normal cupcake Patton forgot which was the normal, so he bit into the sour cupcake meant for Virgil

Patton managing to effectively April Fools the entire group. Himself included

[Later]

Me: back to thinking abt the AF joke tangent there and the image of Remus just laughing abt the hits is great (also like to think none of them are actually putting anywhere near full force into the swings)

Him: Except Virgil But he's also targeting the thighs Outer, not inner

Me: inner would be way more awkward targets for a cane strike :,D

Him: Remus meanwhile is laughing so hard they piss themselves. "I'm getting a caning."

[fruitcoops]

if you are still taking request I think that it would be so cute if lily convinced remus to go to the nail salon with her, and he was going to just get like a manicure and clear coat, and he changes his mind and comes home with his nails done sirius' favorite color as a surprise and sirius is just like dumbstruck by how much the little things remus does makes him fall even more in love with him and fluffy cuteness ensues

This is adorable! Enjoy some Loops and Lily, ft. fluffy Coops on this lovely Monday. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!

“Remind me why I’m coming with you again?” Remus sighed as they turned the corner. “It’s just going to chip off in two days anyway.”

“Because you had a shitty weekend and deserve a hand massage,” Lily said briskly. She looped her arm through his and tucked her hand into her pocket, tilting her face up toward the sun and trusting him to guide her along the sidewalk. “You don’t have to choose colors if you don’t want to.”

“If I have to go, I’m not going to half-ass it.”

She grinned and cracked one eye open. “There’s my Remus.”

A gentle bell jingled above his head as they ducked into the shop—Lily called it a ‘salon’, which he didn’t really understand, but it sounded fancy. One woman looked up from a client’s nails and waved, then pointed to the far wall. “Pick whatever colors you’d like! I’ll be with you in a few.”

Remus stopped in his tracks. “That’s…a lot.”

Lily rolled her eyes and dragged him closer. “You’re not chickening out on me over some colors, Lupin. Which one do you like?”

“I don’t know! There’s too many!”

“There’s green,” Lily huffed, planting him in front of about three dozen different shades. “Go nuts.”

“I’m not putting green on my nails. It’ll look weird.”

“Then do red and gold!”

“That’s lame. Can’t I just watch you get yours done?”

“No,” Lily groaned. It wasn’t the first time he had asked, and likely wouldn’t be the last. “It’s about the experience, Re. If you want just a clear coat, that’s fine, but you said you—”

“—didn’t want to half-ass it, I know,” he finished with a grumble. Colors. Colors aren’t that difficult. Green would be odd, orange would be worse…

His eyes caught on a little bottle near the base of the racks. It was a plain, pretty blue; nothing special, yet calming. Sea You Later! the base read when he picked it up. Lily made an approving noise over his shoulder. “That’s cute.”

“It’s not bad.”

“Looks like Sirius’ shirt, actually. The one with the dogs on it?”

Remus rolled the bottle around for a moment. “It really does, now that you mention it. Huh.”

She patted his hip and went back to the shiny, shimmery ones on the right. “You should give it a shot.”

---------------------------------------

Painting nails took a really, really long time. Much longer than Remus was anticipating when he hesitantly rested his hands on the towel and tried not to think about how much bigger they were than Lily’s. He felt awkward in a place like this, where everyone seemed so put-together and comfortable.

His worries were quickly dispelled when the nail artist began rubbing the tension from his joints with peony-scented lotion; he immediately relaxed into her touch, letting the calluses from sticks and weights be soothed. Judging from her pleased hum when she inspected his nails, he hadn’t accidentally been butchering them his whole life—the scrape of the nail file made him grimace, but she didn’t have to do much before a coat of clear polish went on.

“It’s a protector,” Lily said at his confused look. “So your nails stay healthy and don’t turn yellow.”

“This is a lot more complicated than I thought it would be,” Remus muttered as he stuck his hands underneath the miniature fan.

The nail artist laughed as she rolled her chair to Lily’s station. “First time?”

“Yeah. I can’t imagine you get a lot of guys in here.”

She shrugged. “More than you’d think, I bet. There’s nothing wrong with wanting your hands to look nice, and a pop of color never hurt anybody.”

“Good point.”

The clear polish—base coat, Lily said with a teasing smile—dried quickly, and soon two perfect layers of blue shone under the bright lamp. Lily’s design was much more complex than his own, with shimmery bits and spiraled paint, but he liked the simplicity. It even matched his socks.

Lily and the nail artist chatted the whole time, swapping stories about summer activities and everything that had happened since she last visited; Remus waited patiently with his fingertips under the fan and people-watched as the sun grew higher in the sky.

After an hour, they were finally done, and Remus couldn’t stop rubbing his hands together as they headed back outside until Lily smacked his arm. “Stop it, you look like a Disney villain.”

“I’m sorry, they’re just so soft!” He brought his hands to his face and breathed in the soft floral scent. “Here, feel.”

“I’m not going to feel your hands.”

“Feel them.” When she shook her head and kept walking, he jogged ahead and held them out, palms-up. “Lily! Feel my hands!”

“Alright, fine!” she laughed, grabbing them both. Her eyebrows rose. “Damn, they are soft.”

“Told you so.”

“That color looks really good on you, too.”

“Yeah?” Remus looked down at the polish again, smiling to himself. There was just something about them that made him happy. “They match my socks.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope.” He reached down and pulled his pantleg up, startling a snort out of Lily.

“You’re ridiculous,” she said as she linked their arms again. “Did you have fun?”

“It was nice,” Remus said with a shrug. “I don’t know if I’ll go back a lot, but I had a good time listening to you two talk.”

Lily nodded, looking quite self-satisfied. “Good. I bet Sirius will get a kick out of them.”

“You think so?”

“For sure. He always likes mine.”

Remus thought back to the many, many times Lily had displayed her freshly-done nails to them with great pride; Sirius did have a penchant for colorful and sparkly things, after all. Why should his ordinary blue nails be any different?

Lily made sure to take an obligatory Instagram photo of their hands before they entered the house, then immediately laid out in front of the fan by the back door while she uploaded it. “Hey, Lily, it’s good to see you, too,” Sirius said drily as he came in from the backyard. “I’m good, thanks for asking. It’s pretty hot out there, but—”

“Shut up,” she laughed, grabbing the back of his ankle when he stepped over her. “Where’s my lover?”

“Your husband is tormenting my dog,” he called over his shoulder before winding his arms around Remus’ waist for a kiss. “Bonjour, mon amour.”

“Hey, you.” Remus bumped their noses together with a grin he could never even try to hold down. “You know how I never half-ass things?”

“Mhmm.”

He held his fingers up. “Ta-da!”

“Oh, pretty.” Sirius’ eyes went wide as he took one of Remus’ hands. “Your hands are so soft!”

“I know, right?”

“He made me feel them!” Lily groaned from the floor. “It was so weird.”

“You love it!” Remus shot back before leaning onto his tiptoes to kiss Sirius’ forehead. “I figured you’d like the blue.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t do green.”

Heat rose to his cheeks, and it had nothing to do with the sunshine. “It’s your favorite color, right? Not too green, not too purple. Reminded me of you.”

Sirius’ eyes grew impossibly soft and he cupped Remus’ jaw, pulling him in for an unhurried kiss that melted his brain into his toes. “Je t’aime.”

“Love you, too,” he breathed. His face was definitely redder than a fire engine by that point, but he hardly cared.

There was a light squeeze around his hand. “These look really nice.”

A spark of joy lit in Remus’ chest. “I’m glad you like it.”

“Ugh, love,” Lily scoffed, despite the fact that James was pressing a million and one kisses to her neck as he hugged her from behind. 6

Sirius thumped his forehead on Remus’ collarbone. “You are the worst sister-in-law of all time.”

“I know,” she said with a smug smile, tilting her head to kiss James’ cheek. “Hi, lover.”

“Hi. Your nails are so beautiful.”

“I didn’t get them in your favorite color. Sorry.”

“I’ll never recover,” James sighed. “Well, at least we’re not a terrible rom-com cliché.”

Remus flipped him off over Sirius’ shoulder; the nail polish gave the gesture a little extra oomph that certainly canceled out the grin that made his whole face ache.

[fdd700]

Jitters

I'm back from the dead. and by dead I mean I think I've melted

Theme: fluff, the first day of school, domestic fluff Warnings: No warning Words: 973

"I don't want to!" Patton sighed, looking down at ten-year-old Virgil as he pouted on the staircase.

"I know, storm clouds, but you have to go to school," he explains, bending down to Virgil's eye level. "It's very scary, I know but it's important."

"Why?"

"Because I can't teach you these things myself, storm cloud, and your dad and I have to send you to school."

"I wanna stay at home with you and dad." Patton sighs.

"I know you do but Dad and I have got to let you go to big school. You were so excited about it yesterday, what happened?" Virgil says nothing, pouting. "What's up buttercup?" Patton pressed but it met with the same response.

"That's quite the pout, Virgie, what's wrong?" Virgil's eye shoots up at the voice of his dad, looking at Janus' eyes as he comes up behind Patton.

"Will you not make me go to school?"

"Virgie, I work here. I'm legally required to bring you," Janus says and Virgil's pout deepens. "How about this," Janus begins, crouching down to Virgil's eye level. "You tell me what's up and why you are scared, and Pops and I will see what we can do to help."

"I'm gonna be the only new kid... No one likes new kids," Virgil says. "And! My dad's the principal! Everyone is gonna make fun of me." Janus gives Virgil a sad smile, sharing a look with Patton. "Why couldn't we just stay back home. Where we used to live."

"Because, storm cloud, Dad got a much better job here. A job that means we can do more fun family stuff together," Patton says.

"I know but..."

"But it's not home yet?" Janus asks and Virgil nods, leaning into Janus' half hug. "How about this Virg," Janus says. "If you make it through today. Whether it be a good day or even just a day, me, you and pops will go to the nice diner near the arcade and we can drown our sorrows together."

"Drown them in milkshakes?" This gets a chuckle out of both of Virgil's parents, though he has no idea why.

"Yes, with milkshakes, Virgie." Janus squeezes him with one arm. "Or we can order take out and go on the long walks like we used to before."

"Can we do both?" Virgil asks, looking at Patton with puppy eyes, knowing damn well he's easily influenced by them.

"Of course, storm clouds. But you have to promise to have a day and not hide in the bathrooms." Patton ruffles Virgil's hair. "It's okay if you have a panic attack. We'll talk to Mr Picani about increasing your sessions if you can't handle it, okay?" Virgil nods at the mention of his therapist (Picani was Patton's roommate back in college and Virgil's therapist since the child had started getting bad nightmares and anxiety attacks a year prior). "I love you to the clouds."

"And I love you to the sun," Virgil parroted back.

"And I love you all the way back," Janus finished, kissing Patton on the cheek and allowing him to give Virgil a hug goodbye.

"Be safe, boys, okay!? Love you!" Janus smiled and waved at him as Virgil buried himself in his hoodie.

"Have a good day dad," Virgil said.

"Have a day, Virgie."

-

"Not a complete disaster?" Patton said, sneaking another chip off Janus' plate as the three of them sat in the diner.

"Not really. One kid, Remus, talked to me but he was a bit weird. He has a brother named Roman," Virgil said, trialling off as he tried to recall everything that had happened. "Oh and some older kid from the joint high school said my hair was cool. He was drinking Starbucks which I didn't think we were allowed in the corridors" Janus raised his eyebrows. "Oops, probably shouldn't have said that in front of you."

"Technically, purple hair isn't allowed either, Jan, so we can't pick and choose," Patton pointed out

"We, is it now?" Janus teased before smacking Patton's wandering hand. "These are not our chips, Pat."

"Aren't you a communist?"

"Not when it comes to fries, love," Janus joked and Patton rolled his eyes. "How's your food, Virgil? Your Pops hasn't tried to steal any yet, I hope."

"Pops can have as many chips from me as he wants," Virgil said, smiling smugly at Patton's quiet squeal of delight.

"Suck up." Virgil simply stuck his tongue out and Janus ruffled his hair, laughing. "Come on kid, finish up your burger. Think you'll have room for a sundae?" Virgil looks offended at the implication that he wouldn't have room for a sundae.

"Don't make yourself sick," Patton warns. "We are still going for a walk back home." Virgil nods, tucking into his burger. Patton's hand finds Janus'. "How was your day?"

"Good. The science teacher, Logan, he's pretty nice," Janus says. "He says most of the teachers here are a bit bitter that they hired outside the school for the new principal instead of promoting one of them."

"Is he? Bitter, I mean?"

"I don't think he cares much. Long as we don't disrupt each other," he explains. "Nice thought, he showed me a nice place to get a better place to get coffee in the morning." Janus intertwines their fingers. "How about you, Pat? How was your day?"

"Well, I bought some painting stuff," he says sheepishly. "I figured since I don't have to work anymore to make ends meet, I can get back to it."

"That's great, Pat, really," Janus says, squeezing their hands tighter.

Things are gonna be okay, Patton decides. Even if Janus' colleagues are a little bitter and Virgil is anxious about it all, things will be okay. And if they're not, he'll figure it out.

"Virgil you can't inhale a burger you will joke-"

"Watch me!"

"Virgil!"

They'll be okay.

[embrassemoi]

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 20

Pairings: Sirius B, Remus L, [F]Reader      Content: Language, possible errors  A/N: Some ppl asked for a playlist... so ofc I made one! 

Series Playlist or Chap 20 Playlist

【 Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter 】

Chapter 20: Little Lion Man

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

When Regulus was younger, his aunt Andromeda and Sirius were obsessed with Muggle stories. Andromeda would send them loads of books every month to the local Muggle post office to prevent their parents from confiscating them. He remembers the ten minute walks there and back, Sirius holding his hand tight, even stopping to buy ice cream during the warmer seasons. They would greet the delivery men and women, picking up a heavy stack of wrapped books before waddling out, each boy mirroring a large grin.

Every night at twilight, when their parents were asleep, Sirius would crawl into his bed and read to Regulus in a hushed voice. He would read a different story every night, lulling him to sleep. Sirius spent hours gushing about the fantastical tales Muggles wrote; how magical and mystical their minds were despite not having an ounce of magical blood. From Superman to Batman, the Joker to Daleks, Prince Caspian to King Miraz; Regulus quickly learned that they all had one common theme: the good guys and the bad guys.

Regulus often spent his time grappling with the notion; what made someone good? Because the definition changes depending on the person.

Were the good guys good because they were selfless — passionate? Those deemed good never let themselves be seen as selfish. The heroes would sacrifice themselves for the greater good, even going as far as giving up their loved ones. Or maybe it was because they went against the odds. But villains did that too.

So he re-worded the question; what made someone bad? Was it their selfishness or greed? Was it putting themselves above others? Did they know they were on the wrong side of history? Make a mistake, once, twice — but surely, that didn’t make someone bad. Did it?

If virtue is understood by both sides, then the bad guys would immediately cross that line time and time again. They lacked wisdom and truthfulness, filled with too much pride and vanity.

But now as he began to grow up far too quickly for a fourteen-year-old boy, he realized that there was more to people than just being good or evil, a saviour or tormentor, light versus darkness.

The definition of good and bad depended on who told the story and Regulus didn’t know who controlled his; him or his parents. The line was so blurred that he couldn’t objectively make the decision himself anymore. Was he more bad than good?

Laughter — rich and inviting beckoned throughout the library, snapping him out of his thoughts again; but it did nothing but chip away at his heart. Regulus got up, shoving his books and parchment into his bag, making sure to hide his face before they saw him. Today, the Marauders had come earlier than expected and he was caught off guard. He’d been doing everything to avoid them out of pure shame.

Before he went to turn, he eyed Sirius from the shadows. He smiled, carefree and happy, clinging onto Pettigrew, ruffling his hair like he once did to him.

What made them so special, so loved and cherished by Sirius? How were they able to make him laugh so effortlessly, able to brighten his day with a mere glance? What made them more of a family than he ever was to him?

But he knew, it was their family’s values and it had been taunting him every waking moment.

It’s not like he didn’t want to escape that night, but he wasn’t Sirius. He was never as bright or strong or as good as him. Sirius was bold and courageous and certainly had more bravery than he would ever have. Regulus was far too weak, a puppet for his parents to control. Sirius was everything Regulus was too afraid to be — a reminder of what he could have turned into.

Besides, there wasn’t a single doubt in his mind that his parents would have killed Kreacher had he left. And this way with Sirius gone, it left Regulus to be the sole heir. Sirius was free, not being hunted down by his parents now that he bore the title. That was his gift to him, freeing Sirius of all the responsibilities, pain and grief. He owed him that much. Besides, Regulus had already mourned the childhood he never had; that made everything easier.

The day Sirius left was the day before they were set to leave for Hogwarts again and the impact of his absence was massive. He no longer heard the thumping of loud Muggle music nor the clanking of piano keys or doors slamming shut. There wasn’t any screaming aside from his parents shrieking at him for taking his father's wand. The stairs creaked; he could even hear Kreacher padding his way to his room.

It was eerily quiet and lifeless in that damned house, and he was only gone for a day.

Regulus hadn’t been taking it well. Nearly every night, his face was pressed into a pillow muffling his sobs. Sirius had kept his promise, he hadn’t talked to him since.

If only he had a scarlet tie…

Ha! He could laugh; he’d been trying to get his attention in little ways. He’d even gone as far as growing out his hair to match his — coping by writing letters every night with words he wished he could’ve said before storing them in a box under his bed. Forever unsent. Hell, Regulus was a coward, every bit as pathetic as Sirius deemed.

Ever the winter break, his parents were relentless, dumping everything that was meant for Sirius onto him. Letters were sent daily; there were talks about an arranged marriage, lumps of money now being transferred under his name, getting the dark mark… and he was being watched. Every interaction he had, his parents always knew. Especially with Muggleborns; he had to limit his interactions with them to almost nothing, or it wouldn’t end well for either.

His mind reeled back to that night, where his parents and extended family toyed with that blonde Muggle, leaving her half-dead on the dining table, the image branded in his head. It made him sick just thinking about it, he never knew what happened to her, he was too busy trying to muffle out her screams.

Regulus had been questioning everything he was taught. Sirius’ words echoed in his head; was he willing to kill Muggleborns solely because of their blood status? He's a believer in old values and traditions: yes, blood should be kept pure, but to kill Muggles… that was completely different. He’d seen how his dearly beloved aunt was burned off the tapestry, threatened and almost killed for marrying a Muggleborn — a Muggleborn who he’s met and liked and respected. His family tortured them for the sake of it and more. That wasn’t the move of someone good, those were the actions of someone evil; filled with greed, spite and selfishness. But how was he going to stop a whole bloodline from their mania?

Some may call it obedience, the way he’s listened to his parents all these years blindly, but to him, it’s respect. But did he believe that? Did they deserve to be respected? He was miserable and this wasn’t a healthy way to show filial piety.

What did he believe in?

Perhaps there wasn’t such a thing, good or evil, maybe there was only power.

Regulus was lost and confused and most of all, lonely. He remembered Sirius promised him once, before the day he was set to leave for Hogwarts for the first time, that he would never be alone. What a funny thing, promises.

Tears were forming fast and if he didn’t leave then, they would fall any second now. He needed to get out of the library.

Regulus asked himself again; what made someone good or bad — or rather, was he good or bad? He’s veering towards bad.

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

After catching word from Mary that Remus’ birthday was approaching, Y/N had been knitting him a sweater in her spare time (or trying to). It was sweet, simple and showed that she’d put effort into it, especially since he taught her. Although, the sweater was lopsided and she hadn’t quite gotten the hang of a certain stitch or how to close sections. Perhaps she should use magic.

Her fingers fiddled with the needle, looping the yarn over the other side. Without looking up, she made a sharp turn into the library before crashing into a hunched-over figure; sniffling and a complete mess.

An apology dangled from her lips before recognizing the figure as Regulus. It had been two months since she’d last seen him and in short, he looked like shit. His skin was grey and lost all sense of a youthful dewy glow. If Sirius had dark eye circles or Remus looked tired, Regulus beat them by miles.

Y/N stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to do before gently patting his shoulder. “Regulus?” She asked softly, nothing more than a whisper.

There was a flash of pure terror as he looked up, his eyes nervous as his head spun around to look around the place like he always did. He looked mad, almost unhinged as his hands gently pushed her away, signalling for her to leave. “I — I can’t be seen around you.”

“Can’t? What are you going on abo —” She cut herself off, ignoring the matter entirely. He clearly wasn’t in the right mindset.

His voice was strained, quiet as he kept on murmuring, he almost sounded angry. “You can’t — we’ll both get in trouble. Y/N, go — please… ”

At this, Y/N felt her skin rise in small goosebumps. She looked back to the library, just making out her friend’s figures before looking down at Regulus again. She wasn’t going to leave him like this: crying and delusional.

She took a deep inhale before bending down, picking up her needles and yarn off the ground and slipped them into her bag. She placed a cautious arm around Regulus to keep him upright. “Come with me.” But Regulus wouldn’t budge, not until she flicked down her hood, obscuring her face.

She led him up to the astronomy tower, walking and twisting around before setting him down on a nearby bench, making sure to lock any entrances. They sat in silence, aside from Regulus attempting to regulate his breathing. The cold whipping wind tossed his hair and sank into her bones. With a few charms, they were both warm again, but still able to breathe in the crisp air.

He remained quiet. Y/N didn’t push. Instead, she began babbling softly about random things to distract him. When she heard a sharp exhale of air, mimicking a half-hearted chuckle was when she knew he had calmed down.

“Thank you,” he muttered. It’s quiet, barely above a whisper. Regulus’ cheeks were pink, colour finally returning to him from either embarrassment or the cold.

“Any time,” she smiled warmly. Her hand reaches into her bag, fishing out the snacks that were meant for the study group: blackberries that were for Remus, a muffin for Marlene, were now shared between them. She tried to encourage him to eat, to regain any sort of energy.

He listened without complaint, a tense yet thankful air engulfed them. It was only until he finished the food, about an hour gone by, was when he spoke again. “Why are you being so nice to me.” It’s not even a question, just an odd accusation.

She thinks for a while, searching for the best answer. “I wished someone was there for me when I was going through a hard time.”

“But you don’t know me.”

Her eyebrows raised, “Well, let’s get to know each other then. I’ll tell you something about myself and then you can go?”

Regulus looked up at her with a calculated expression, cautious and looked uncomfortable but he nodded.

“Let’s start simple. I have an owl named Celeste.”

He gulped, looking back to the entrance. His answer came delayed, strained and she wondered if she had pushed him too far. “I play the violin.”

Y/N smiled largely. “The violin is beautiful! Hmm… I can’t ride a broomstick to save my life, unlike you.”

At this, he smiles — a real genuine smile that causes his eyes to crinkle and sparkle. “Really?” His eyes burned with curiosity before he looked down, “I can’t swim.”

“Swim?” She repeats, chuckling to herself, “Who doesn’t know how to swim?”

“You’re making me feel grand. Terribly uncalled for.”

Her eyes rolled, “You should learn. It can save your life one day. Who wants to drown?”

“Maybe I’ll ask McGonagall — I heard for tougher punishments she’ll throw you into the black lake.”

“You’re the perfect candidate then.”

After a while, way past curfew, Regulus seemed cheerier; his tear-stained cheeks now replaced with a smile and relaxation. That day, Y/N unaware, was a day Regulus would never forget.

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

March 8th, 1976

“Sirius, shut up.”

“You’re the one yelling!”

“... Right.”

Excused from their afternoon classes because their Puffskein was about to hatch, the Marauder’s dorm was bustling with panic and bickering. When Y/N partnered with Sirius for their project, she expected fighting (which happened every day) but not for Sirius to be like this. He’d been running around the dorm, grabbing warm towels, bowls of water and taking out his panic on her. He gripped his textbook, flicking through notes to see if they had everything. It was as if he was preparing for the birth of an actual baby.

She silently watched him, her mind thinking about Regulus rather than their project. This was the only time she and Sirius were alone and wondered if she should mention his freakout the other day but stopped — it didn’t take a genius to know they weren’t on friendly terms.

Since that night, she’d seen Regulus almost daily, but only at night before their study group. She would spend an hour or so with him before the Marauder or girls came barraging in; Regulus left before they appeared. The entire situation left her deeply confused, worried and most of all, suspicious.

“We need Kettleburn —”

Annoyance began nipping at her. “Calm down.”

“I’m not going to calm down!”

Sirius paced, both firing snide jabs. Too preoccupied in his panicked state, he didn’t hear the quiet cracking of the white shell, forming the shape of a lightning bolt before cascading over.

“Um, Black?”

“Let’s not start. How are you so —”

“Get your ass over here now!”

Sirius pressed his lips together immediately and rushed over, both huddled side by side near the roaring fireplace. The shell twitched, cracking more and they both gasped in amazement. The process was faster than either expected as they saw the small tuft of cream fur peek out along with a pair of black eyes. Its long pink tongue slipped out, already looking for its first meal. Y/N scrambled to grab a nearby dish of dried spiders to feed it while Sirius cradled it in his hand. His smile was wide, buzzing with excitement as he observed it. His hands gently glided over the soft fur as it emitted a low humming sound.

A deep chuckle erupts from Sirius and she could feel the vibrations from how close they were. His laugh, which once made her cringe, now made her skin feel fuzzy and heart flutter. But, it wasn’t like that, she thinks. Of course not! She still wants to jinx him, maybe even throw him into the fireplace. Yes, that’s it.

She snaps out of her violent thoughts when she finds Sirius already looking at her, a pretty flush to his skin as he observes her softly. Her brows crinkled; instead of a frown or on the cusp on an insult, he smiles.

“Do you want to hold it?” Y/N nods eagerly. Sirius shifts his body, placing the Puffskein in the palms of her hands. It’s incredibly soft, adorable and when it leans into her, falling asleep, she swore she fell in love.

“What do you want to name it?” She mumbled, afraid that if she were any louder it might wake it up. Sirius takes a long time to ponder and Y/N braces herself for an insult, already thinking of a plethora of her own.

“It looks like porridge… Oatmeal!”

“Are you serious?”

“I’d be worried if I wasn’t.”

Y/N tries to suppress her smile but fails. The Puffskein did look like a grain of oatmeal. Plain and simple, she liked it.

“Hello, Oats! You’re so cute — I could just eat you up!”

“Morbid much.”

Hours went by before they ultimately decided to head down to Kettleburn’s office for an examination of Oats’ health. Sirius cradled it in a small blanket, shielding it from the rest of the world. Marlene and Dorcas were standing by the sidelines, joining them as they walked past.

“Yours hatched already? Aw, it looks so cute!” Dorcas squealed. Her hands reached out, giddy as Sirius gently placed it into her arms but not without fretting. Marlene only looked down at her with a soft gaze, her face becoming pink as she wrapped an arm around her.

“Give it a rest. She’s not going to drop it.”  

“Now you, McKinnon?! I’m a father now! Our kid deserves the best care! Right, L/N?”

It catches her off guard. Sirius trying to include her in a conversation? That’s a new milestone. “Of course; the proudest parents.”

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

Once done with Kettleburn, Sirius went to bring Oats back to his dorm, parting as Y/N went to find Lily who took her notes for her afternoon classes.

Out in the courtyard, walking around in the snow, both Lily and Snape wandered around before she picked up a snowball, throwing it at him. Snape sent her a deadpanned look as Lily kept hurling snowballs. Most missed him, others hit him before he retaliated and threw some back.

Y/N halted, watching the scene play out and debated whether or not to approach them. But decided to, shouting while striding up to them.

“Petals!”

Lily’s smile grew before her head whipped to her. She stopped her snowball fight, getting up to bounce her way over to her. Snape followed in suit, but as Lily began to babble on and on about what she missed, Snape’s eyes bore into her, vice versa.

“I’ll see you later, Sevy! We need to go,” said Lily, already turning to walk away. Y/N lingered back a pause, just enough to see Snape draw his wand and shoot a spell at her. She had just enough time to block it. Whatever spell it was, it sparkled like a firecracker. If Snape could easily send a hex or jinx her way inboard daylight with Lily just a little ahead, what was he willing to do had they been alone.

His angel persona around her was dropping quickly.

“Whiskers!” Shouted Lily. Her arms raised in question. “Get over here!”

A flurry of thoughts bombarded her before she could process them. She was about to cause a scene, yell and scream until that nasty sneer fell off his face until she felt a tug on her arm. Lily hooked her arm around Y/N, pulling her away. But she still had her wand drawn, ready to block another spell. She tossed one last look at him; he smiled wickedly.

“Are you okay?”

She had enough tip-toeing around Snape. She remained tranquil, gave him the benefit of the doubt and respected their friendship but that was enough.

“No, I’m not actually,” keeping her tone as soft as possible, trying not to sound defensive, “Why do you waste your time around him?”

Lily paused, her eyes going wide. An offended expression crossed her face as she took a moment to digest the remark. “Sev? What are you getting at?” Her tone was guarded which had Y/N debating whether or not to drop the conversation entirely. A fight with Lily was not on her to-do list.

“I just think you should be careful around him.”

“I can look out for myself,” she grumbled, “Severus has been there for me for years. I know how to separate myself from the wrong sorts.”

“I’m only saying this to look out for —”

“I know, but he isn’t like what you’re thinking.” Lily didn’t look mad, just tired as she nodded sharply. Taking a stack of parchment from her bag, Lily handed it to her and walked faster. “You’re around Potter too much. He isn’t like what he says he is.”

Y/N felt annoyance blossom in her chest at the accusation of James but bit her tongue to avoid more conflict. Right now, they trod on dangerous waters.

Neither spoke to each other for the rest of the day.

[honeymooneyy]

Valentine’s Day

context: Remus has been out since the beginning of the year, Sirius realized he likes Remus over winter break, it’s now valentine’s day 

James knew it was silly to be upset that Lily had a date for Valentine’s day. 

They weren’t dating - they were barely even friends. But watching Benjy Fenwick give Lily a box of pink chocolates during breakfast pulled at his heartstrings and he couldn’t help but sigh. Remus glanced at him before following his gaze towards Lily who was now laughing at something Benjy said. 

“Lily didn’t say anything to me about liking Benjy, it might just be a date because it’s Valentine’s day,” Remus comforted, bumping his shoulder against James’. “I can ask her about it later?” 

James smiled weakly, “It doesn’t matter, she wouldn’t like me either way.” 

“She’s warming up to you!” Peter weighed in from across the table. “She’s your partner in Potions.” 

“That was in the beginning of the year, not much has happened since.” 

“Maybe next year, mate.” Sirius just shrugged, glancing back at Benjy once more. “I thought he way gay.” 

“Sirius!” Remus hissed, glancing around to see if anyone heard. “You can’t just say that!” 

Sirius turned to him with wide eyes, “But I thought he was! ‘S not a bad thing, I didn’t know he wasn’t.” 

James snorted at their exchange, thankful for their antics as it improved his mood just a touch. Though he had been kidding around, Sirius caught James’ eye in a silent question and he offered him a smile in return. 

And though he tried to convince himself he doesn’t really care that much, James couldn’t help but watch as Lily left the Great Hall, her long red hair swishing with every step she took. Benjy was still next to her, and they seemed to be in some sort of intense conversation, but James decided to ignore him, instead focusing on her bright smile. As long as she was happy. 

Thankfully, Valentine’s day had fallen on a Saturday this year - so James could go to his dorm and not sulk instead of watching couples make out in every class. Deep down, he was glad none of his friends had dates, they could all be lonely together. 

Even though Sirius and Remus had been hopelessly pining, he knew they wouldn’t resort to making out in the dorm, so he was safe. And Peter, he knew he could always count on Peter to be mindful about stuff like that, even if he had no one to kiss. 

He had totally not been moping on his bed after dinner when Peter plopped down on the foot of his bed with a grin. 

When Peter didn’t say anything he asked, “What’s up, Pete?” 

“I know you’re sad, or not sad, or whatever. But that doesn’t mean we have to do nothing today! Remus had an idea, wanna hear it?” Peter asked hopefully, blue eyes twinkling. 

James couldn’t say no to him. “What is it?” 

“So you know that passageway that leads to Honeydukes? We were thinking of sneaking out and getting some fun stuff!” Peter waggled his eyebrows. “Like firewhiskey fun?” 

James brightened at the idea, “I like the direction this is going in. We going now?” 

Peter shrugged, “It only really takes two of us to make the trip. It’s easy for me to sneak in and get what we need, and someone to help carry it back. Remus volunteered.” 

James narrowed his eyes at this, leaning back to rest on his palms. “Why are you even asking me, sounds like you’ve got it all figured out?” 

“We knew you’d agree,” Peter assured, patting his shoulder and scrambling off the bed. “I think Sirius is heading back, we’ll be back soon!” 

True to his word, as Peter left the dorm, Sirius slipped in. In his arms were various different snacks for the night, and James smiled at the sight of his favorites. He helped Sirius lay them out on the floor, almost like a little picnic, sorting them out by each item. 

“Is this all because Lily has a date with someone else? I promise I’m not that hung up over it, we’re barely friends and it’s just a silly crush.” 

Sirius just laughed, tossing his dark hair over his shoulder. “Nah, we wanted to have some fun. Who knows what we’ll be doing for Valentine’s day next year. We ought to spend it with each other while we still can.” 

“And?” 

“Okay, and you looked downright miserable. Merlin, you’re whipped for Lily,” Sirius caved in despite the smile playing at his lips. He went back to arranging the snacks, shaking the hair out of his eyes. 

“Says you,” James prodded back at him. “Oh Moony, I love your vinyls, of course I’ll sing to you.” 

Sirius cheeks burned red at his words, “I thought you were asleep, you wanker. He was sad and tired and in pain, I was being a good friend.” 

“Right, because I sing to you in French when you’re sad?” 

“Why are we talking about me, what happened to Lily? You never had a problem talking about her for hours and hours and hours before.” 

“Exactly, we’ve heard enough about Lily. Anything new about Remus?” James propped up his face on his palm, watching Sirius. 

“I dunno. He’s still gay, I think that’s good,” Sirius started, obviously uncomfortable with where the conversation was going. “He’s not hanging out with a guy for Valentine’s day.” 

“You are so bad at this,” James groans at the lack of juicy information.  

“I’m sorry I don’t want to talk to you about boys!” Sirius exclaims. “Can’t exactly tell you about his looks and stuff.” 

“I have eyes. Remus is attractive,” James nods motivatingly. “C’mon, just tell me, I wanna know.” 

“Fine.” Sirius pauses, collecting his thoughts before chewing on his lower lip. “This is weird, but he’s gotten a lot more attractive since I realized I liked him. Like, he’s always been hot, ugh it’s so weird to say that out loud, but I dunno it’s different now. Maybe he’s always been like this and I just didn’t think about it?” 

“Mmhm.” 

“I noticed he blushes a lot nowadays. I can’t tell if it’s because of me or if it’s just something he always used to do and I didn’t realize,” Sirius murmured before mirroring James and leaning his face against his palms. “It’s really cute though.” 

“He doesn’t blush around me,” James smiled suggestively. “Maybe it’s something he only does around you.” 

Sirius didn’t really know what to say to that and kind of just stared at him before shrugging. “Blushing doesn’t mean he likes me. I mean, in the end, he’s my best friend. Anything I look into could be normal. I mean, you and I sleep in the same bed a lot, so what’s different about Remus and I doing it.” 

“I don’t sing to you in french, and he doesn’t read to me when I can’t sleep,” James reminds him with a pointed stare. 

“Oh my god, back at it with the singing? He said he liked it and it was after the moon, it wasn’t like that.” 

“You were in his bed with him and were singing to him.” James enunciates every word. “Are you blind?” 

Sirius swiped at his glasses, effectively knocking them off his head. “Says you!” 

Huffing, James grabs for his glasses and puts them back on, pushing back his dark hair. “Not fair. That was dirty.” 

“Oh hush, you drama queen.” Sirius rolls his eyes but it’s all in good fun. “Okay, I talked about Remus, now you tell me whatever it is about Lily that’s bugging you.” 

James finally gave in to his best friend. “Okay fine. I thought things were going okay, y’know? Like, she wanted to be my Potions partner at the beginning of the year. And I tried not to be overbearing or anything and I dunno, I thought we were kinda friends? And then she kind of just stopped?”

“Stopped?” 

“Like, she doesn’t ignore me. But she doesn’t seem much interested anymore. In being friends, I gave up on the whole dating thing for now. And then Benjy just comes in and they hit it off like right away. Kind of hurt, I dunno.” 

Sirius ponders what he said, nodding a bit. “I’m not sure, honestly, girls are kind of confusing. Moony’s really good with it, Peter too, his advice is the best. Maybe you can ask them when they’re back? There’s gotta be a reason, I don’t think she’d just shut you out for no reason.” 

“I guess,” James agrees, but he doubts they can say anything to make this situation better. Either way she doesn’t want to be his friend. 

Remus and Peter worked fast, because soon enough they were back with armfuls of drinks. Not all of them were alcohol, and James spotted a couple butterbeers in the mix. The weirdest though was this bright pink bottle Remus had tucked in the fold of his arm. 

“Did you get a love potion?” Sirius questioned, jumping to his feet to inspect the bottle. 

“No, it’s just a normal drink.” 

“But it’s pink!” Peter chipped in, enthusiastically. “Isn’t the bottle cool?” 

James smiled at his excitement, “Yeah, it’s cool, Pete.” 

Soon enough they had all sorted out the drinks and food and were lounging about the floor. A game of truth or dare had started up only to be shot down because there wasn’t much the boys wanted to know about one another for the truths. This time, there was more than one bottle of firewhiskey so the boys each had one, and it was working wonders. 

Peter had been telling some story when he ended up mentioning Lily, before turning to James with a sheepish smile, “Sorry, mate.” 

“You guys are horrible,” James groaned. “Acting like we just got divorced or something. I’m fine!” 

Remus shrugged, “It’s okay not to be fine. You’ve liked her forever, it hurts.” 

James felt as if he wasn’t just talking about Lily but didn’t say much about it. Instead he spilled the thought that’s nagging at him for the past couple days. 

“Do you think it’s because I’m-” James gestured to his face. 

The boys exchanged looks, ones filled with clear confusion. 

“You’re not ugly,” Peter finally spoke up, though his statement sounded more like a question.” 

“No, I know I’m not ugly,” James blew a breath out, dropping his head back against the footboard of the bed he was leaning against. “I meant that I’m not white.” 

A hush fell over the group at his words.

“I’m not saying she’s racist, or something,” James rushed to add in. “But I dunno, sometimes I think she’d give me a chance if I wasn’t brown.” 

“I don’t think it’s your race, more you being a prat,” Remus assured him. “I don’t think Lily cares about that sort of stuff.” 

James’ voice seemed small when he spoke, “Every guy she’s ever liked or been with was white. It doesn’t matter how attractive I am.” 

Sirius had scooted over next to him and threw an arm over his shoulder, squeezing his arm. “I think you’re overthinking this a bit. I mean, Mary’s black and they’re friends!” 

“Yeah, well she’s not going to date Mary, is she?” James shrugged off Sirius’ arm. “I’m not overthinking this. Tons of people don’t like people like me, it’s just a fact. I can’t ignore it.” 

Peter who had been quiet this whole time finally spoke up. “If she doesn’t like you because of your skin color, then you’re not missing out. Lily’s awesome, but she doesn’t deserve you, if that’s why.”

“See! Peter always has good advice about stuff like this!” Sirius points out, bumping his shoulder against James’. 

“I guess.” James just shrugged, eager to change the subject. “Anything new with you, Peter?” 

He began another story about something he overheard some fourth years talking about, and while James tried his hardest to listen, the alcohol and time weren’t on his side. At first, he decided that lying down and listening to Peter might make it easier, but it did the opposite. WIthin minutes his eyes had slid shut, face nestled in the crook of his arm. 

“Did he just fall asleep in the middle of my story?” Peter asked, thoroughly baffled. He leaned forward and was about to prod his forehead when Remus smacked his hand away. 

“Let him be. He’s having his own problems, let him sleep.” 

Peter agreed wordlessly, and Sirius scooted further away to not wake him up while talking. 

“Remus, you got an eye on anyone?” Peter asked, turning his attention towards him. “I haven’t heard you mention anyone.” 

Remus just shrugged wordlessly, and Sirius scanned his face for any signs of him lying. 

“No one?” Sirius questioned, his eyes zeroing in on the way Remus was fidgeting with the edge of his sweater. 

“Nah, no one. I promise,” Remus assured, raising his eyes to Sirius’. Sirius didn’t pull his away, silently challenging him. They stared for a solid thirty seconds before Remus broke it off, instead glancing at Peter. 

“What about you Peter? How’s your love life going?” 

Sirius tried his best to look at Peter but everytime he closed his eyes he could envision Remus’ warm eyes boring into his one, an eyebrow raised challengingly. Drunk Remus had a lot more confidence than sober Remus. As Peter began talking, Remus shimmied around before ending up lying on the floor with an arm behind his head, eyes trained on Peter. 

“Sometimes, I think I’ll never get my first kiss,” Peter sighed, pursing his lips. “It’s already fifth year, and I’ve never kissed anyone. I feel like it’s even more embarrassing the longer I go without it.” 

“James didn’t kiss anyone till Halloween,” Sirius supplied, trying to comfort him but it had no effect. “I don’t think it matters.” 

“But he kissed someone! What if I never kiss anyone, ever?” Peter covered his face with his hands with a groan. “I’m going to be seventy and still waiting for my first kiss.” 

“I’ll kiss you,” Remus offered nonchalantly, sitting up. “I’m good at kissing.” 

Peter’s eyes widened and he shook his head furiously, “N-no. Gay people are cool and all, but I’m not gay. No offense.” 

Remus snorted at the fact that he was apologizing for being straight. “Kissing a boy doesn’t make you gay. Think of it as practice so you don’t embarrass yourself when you kiss a girl you like.” 

Sirius looked between the two of them incredulously, “Peter, you’re not actually considering this are you?” 

Peter chewed on his bottom lip, contemplating it. “Er, I mean, it would be fast right? And no one would really know…” 

“That’s the spirit!” Remus grinned, seeming way too happy to help. He sat up properly, shifting around to perch on his heels. 

“No tongue, okay?” Peter looked awfully scared, but he crawled closer to Remus. “And do it really fast.” 

“Quit acting like you’re getting a shot,” Remus rolled his eyes before leaning in to place his lips on Peter’s. 

Remus didn’t touch Peter’s face or anything, but he did put a hand on his shoulder to keep him steady. He didn’t use tongue, but it definitely wasn’t a quick kiss. Sirius hated the way he couldn’t look away from the two of them, and honestly wasn’t quite sure what to feel - on one hand, it was the hottest thing he’s ever seen, on the other hand, he wished it was him who Remus was kissing. 

When Remus pulled away, he was smirking, looking very proud of himself. Peter was bright red and he leaned back with wide eyes, before returning back to his spot on the floor. He rubbed his lips against each other before shooting Remus a scared look again.

“I think some of his gay rubbed off on me,” Peter whispered, a blush still painting his cheeks. 

Even Sirius had to laugh at this. 

“What, was it that good?” Remus quirked an eyebrow, and his whole composure about it was so attractive - the way he had been so confident about his skills and how he had taken charge and, Merlin, the way he smirked afterward. Sirius couldn’t pull his eyes away, and then Remus was turning to look at him, catching his gaze. “You want one too?” 

Sirius immediately shook his head, cheeks heating up. “I’m good.” 

“Suit yourself. See, Pete, am I not a good kisser?” Remus turned his attention back to Peter who wasn’t quite as red anymore. 

“Well, I have nothing to compare it to,” Peter began but at Remus’ glare he shook his head, “Er, yeah. You are.” 

Remus grinned triumphantly, lying down on his back again with his hands crossed behind his head. The position flexed his arms and Sirius was once again staring. He knew he was being painfully obvious, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Remus was so attractive he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t do this. 

Peter broke the silence, “I think I’m going to bed. Should we just leave James there?” 

The three glanced at James who was sprawled on the floor snoring. 

“Yeah, I don’t wanna carry him into his bed,” Sirius decided, leaning over to pluck James’ glasses off his face. He folded them up and set them on the nearest table. 

“Cool, night guys,” Peter mumbled, stumbling over to his bed and shutting the curtains as the boys echoed him.

Remus made no move to get up so Sirius nudged his leg with his foot. When he didn’t reply, Sirius crawled over to his side, “Hellooo.” 

This time Remus just hummed sleepily so Sirius layed down onto the floor next to him, stretching out to stretch a bit. The plush carpet of the floor welcomed Sirius and he let out a content sigh at how comfortable the position was, no wonder Remus didn’t want to get up. Barely a minute passed before he grew bored, and turned on his side to face Remus, propping up his head on his hand. His dark hair fell into his eyes and he wrinkled his nose at it, as if it would help. 

“Stop staring at me,” Remus mumbled without opening an eye. 

Sirius scowled at this. “You can’t even see me. How do you know if I’m staring or not?” 

“Magic.” 

“Oh, shove off,” Sirius groaned, smacking Remus’ shoulder causing him to laugh. 

His laugh was soft as to not wake up the others, including James who was barely feet away from them, but was still joyful and it made Sirius smile. Remus’ face relaxed as he quieted down and he looked so utterly content that Sirius wished he could take a photo. It wasn’t often that he got to witness Remus so carefree and just simply existing, and Sirius reveled in it. 

“You’re still staring,” Remus reminded, a cocky smile pulling at his lips that made Sirius’ stomach flip. “Something on my face?” 

Sirius couldn’t be bothered to deny it, instead he brushed a finger against Remus’ cheekbone. “Freckles.” 

Usually Remus’ freckles faded as the cold crept in and would’ve been long gone by a normal February. Yet somehow, they had reappeared, lighter than in summer but still present, dusting his cheeks and nose. 

Remus hummed, “We took a trip to Spain over winter break and I found a spell to stop the fading.” 

At his words Sirius realized that he hadn’t been this close to Remus since long before winter break and that it had taken him a month and half to notice. Despite the fact that it took him so long, he loved them. Remus’ freckles were one of his favorite features about him, and to have them all year long made his smile grow. 

“They’re like constellations,” Sirius mused, letting his finger drift from Remus’ nose to his temple. Though the effects of the firewhiskey were fading, it still gave him a small confidence boost to even think of reaching out and touching Remus like that. He knew that Remus wouldn’t be so willing to be studied if it wasn’t for the alcohol. 

“See yourself?” Remus still had his eyes shut and the dull lighting of the room cast shadows of his eyelashes onto his cheekbones. 

Sirius squinted his eyes at the freckles, mentally going through every constellation he knew. He finally arrived at one and traced it out, “There’s Cepheus.” 

Remus didn’t flinch back but his eyes fluttered open and he looked up at Sirius, pupils blown out to adjust to the lack of light. Sirius realized with a start that his finger was absentmindedly tracing Remus’ face still and retracted his hand sheepishly. 

“Er, I should get to bed.” Sirius stood abruptly, turning towards his bed to avoid Remus’ eyes. “Night.” 

He had just sat down onto his bed and was about to pull the curtains shut when Remus called out his name, having stood up from the floor and hovering near his own bed. But when Sirius turned his questioning stare towards Remus he just swallowed. 

“Never mind. Goodnight.” 

The exchange was weird and Sirius wanted to ask what he was going to say but decided against it. Something about Remus’ gaze was unnerving, he seemed almost scared? 

What could Remus possibly be scared of?

[sof-ingtired]

Touched-Starved Janus Pt. 1

It’s been almost two weeks since I mentioned I started writing this, and I said Monday I’d post this this week, well....the week...hasn’t ended it’s only 00:15 on Sunday. This is being broken into multiple parts, idk how many yet, because my doc is at 3.2k words and is 6 pages long. So! Enjoy Part One of the Touch-Starved Janus fic!

Ao3 Link | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five |

Taglist!( Please let me know if you want to be added for future parts or if you wish to be removed): @daroamine, @janus-sanders-pain, @imma-potatoo, 

Summery: Janus is more snake than previously perceived and reacts violently at the sight of the others hugging, only for it to be revealed Janus hasn’t been hugged in years, so long my that he's even forgotten what hugs are,,,, just how touch-starved is he?

Pairings: Platonic Dukeceit (Parental Remus) , Referenced Past Platonic Anxceitmus

Warnings: overstimulation, swearing, Remus yells at the others at one point, swearing, bold and italicized text, referenced unsympathetic unnamed dark sides and Idk what else please tell me if I need additional tags

Additional Notes: So there is,,,,a lot of headcanons by me in this? Like I headcanon Janus as being the youngest side and being like....really young, just barely 21 young. Also there is a lot of parental and protective Remus. This is also probably really OOC but I don’t mind much tbh?

Janus was in the living room, lounging in the early morning sunbeam that was hitting the couch and reading a book. Virgil was on the opposite side of the couch, scrolling through his phone. The two had fallen into this rhythm of this a month ago when Janus and Remus’ rooms had been moved over to the ‘light’ side as they had been accepted fully by Thomas. It had taken a heavy conversation between all of them and a lot of apologies but they were slowly going back to being a real family like they had been before the mindscape split.

Patton walked into the room and smiled at the two sides on the couch, he was so happy everyone has been getting along, especially Remus and Janus with the others. Sometimes he still felt a bit guilty having sent away the previous ‘dark’ sides, but he knew that it wasn’t good to hold onto that guilt when they’ve stated their forgiveness.

He continued his way to the kitchen to begin making breakfast for all the sides. That was also something that the others had taken time to get used to, proper meals made by the father-like side. When Patton had learned the state of the other’s kitchen he had been horrified, it was no wonder Janus and Remus were so thin. He was working on getting them to a healthier size, they were getting there but were still too thin. 

Patton smiled as he headed back to the living room after almost an hour to let the two on the couch know that breakfast was ready. He made them all pancakes, blueberry for Logan and himself, chocolate chip for the twins and plain for Virgil and Janus, he knew what his kiddos liked after all. “Heya kiddos! Breakfast is ready!” Patton said as he reached the couch. 

“Thanks Pat, “ Virgil said as he stood up off the couch and stretched. He held out his hand to Janus, “C’mon Jan let’s get some breakfast.”

Janus hums and looks up at Virgil, “Ah yes, food.” He takes Virgil’s hand and lets himself get pulled into a standing position, then quickly releases his hand.

With a shout upstairs from Patton it was a few seconds until the other three sides made  their way downstairs. Roman and Remus were groggily arguing about something arbitrary, meanwhile Logan looks like he’s been awake for at least an hour.

Janus and Virgil had already taken their seats at the table when the others began sitting down, Logan on the left of Virgil on one side of the table, with Virgil in the middle, and Janus on the other side of the table in the furthest left seat, Remus seated to his right with an open spot for Roman next to him. 

And then it happens. It was so innocent to them, all Patton had did was give Roman a nice snug hug. They honestly hadn’t known the snake side would react the way he did. They didn’t expect him to jump in his seat and stare wide-eyed at Patton hugging Roman and begin to tremble. And they certainly hadn’t expected his shaky voice and frantic rambling.

“W-why are you constricting him like that!? Are you fighting? Why are you fighting? He didn’t do anything wha-” Janus rambled frantically, looking like he was a second from prying Patton off Roman, eyes wide and breathing picking up.

“Constricting him- Fighting? Janus, he is merely giving Roman a hug. Why are you acting like you don’t know what that is?” Logan asked the trembling and panicking side.

“Janny, Jan hey,” Remus gently scooched the chair with Janus in it away from the table and turned it to face him fully. “Do you remember hugs? Remember how I’d hug you when you were really little?”

Janus shook his head no, blond curls bouncing. As he shook his head no Remus hummed in thought. Janus opened his mouth to speak again but Remus held a hand up to shush him.

“That’s what I thought baby blep, “ Remus sighed before he explained what a hug is. “Well ,a hug is just affection. You wrap your arms around them and give just a little squeeze. It’s not constricting and it’s not fighting.” Remus opened his arms in invitation. “It’s like how we used to cuddle but standing up or sitting, do you wanna try?”

Janus looked hesitant as he calmed down. “Will it hurt?” He watched Remus warily.

Remus gave the younger side a sad look, “No noodle it won’t hurt. It feels nice, and if you don’t like it just tell me and I’ll let go, okay?”

Janus hesitantly moved forwards and let Remus gently pull him into a hug. He tensed at the initial feeling of Remus’ arms around him, holding him, but calmed when he didn’t feel the grip tighten to constrict him. Warm, that's all Janus thought as he melted into Remus’ hold, it was like how they used to cuddle.

Remus sighed and gave the others a glare over Janus’ head. “Want to explain why you’ve never hugged him? I know why I hadn’t, I know why Virgil might not have, but why haven’t you?” He turned his glare to Patton, some ‘father-figure’ he was.

The others stood awkwardly looking guilty, even Virgil looked guilty, but Remus didn’t mind Virgil not explaining hugs to Janus. He knew he never had time as a dark side and any sign of weakness was dangerous so affection just wasn’t given in the open, hell it was rarely given behind closed doors. He had other reasons to be upset with Virgil.

“Affection is not something I generally give.” Logan said after clearing his throat and adjusted his glasses. “I never initiated a hug on the assumption he was like Virgil and did not care for them.”

Remus hummed at the answer and then turned to his twin. “Well Ro? Why haven’t you given Janus a hug?  In the month our rooms have been here why have you never given him a hug?” He held a steady, unnerving stare into Roman’s green eyes. However his stare was interrupted when Janus let out a small whine after a few minutes and he averted his eyes to the smallest side.

“What is it baby blep?” Remus asked softly, honestly shocking the others with how soft he was with Janus.

“Burnsss” Janus let out a small hiss and squirmed in Remus’ arms. 

“Mkay, here I'll let go now okay?” Remus reassured as he let go of the smaller side. “That was overstimulation. You’re a bit touch-starved aren’t you?” Remus internally snorted at the words ‘touched-starved’.  

Janus continued to just stare for a few moments before speaking up, “What isn't that?”

Logan perked up at the chance to explain something and gave a small hint of a smile when Remus motioned for him to tell Janus. “Touch starvation refers to the desire for physical contact that people may experience after receiving little to no physical interaction with others for a period of time. Some people may compare it to the desire for food during hunger.” Logan trailed off at the end.

A look of horror came across the faces of everyone but Remus and Janus. Had they really not gave Janus any physical contact other than the occasional brushing of hands, hands that were always gloved?

“But...what doesn’t overstimulation have to do with being touch-ssstarved?” Janus hissed quietly.

“Well little snake, when you’re touch-starved too much touch at once can cause overstimulation and can feel like you’re burning. We haven’t cuddled in…. a while...so, you’re touch-starved.” Remus calmly explained. He grimaced when various intrusive thoughts about burning flesh flashed through his mind. 

“...ᵒʰ” Janus whispered. He fidgeted in his seat, growing increasingly uncomfortable with everyone looking at him and paying attention to him. “....ᵖᵃᵖᵃ ᶜᵃⁿ ᴵ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵍᵒ ᵗᵒ ᵐʸ ʳᵒᵒᵐ ⁿᵒʷ…” Janus whispered again to Remus, avoiding looking at the others.

Remus blinked back tears at being called Papa for the first time in years. He smiled at the small side in front of him and nodded. “Yea baby blep you can go to your room. Today has been a bit much, huh?” He said as he stood up, stepping away so Janus could leave to his room. He watched with unshed tears as Janus scrambled away.

Once Janus had left and everyone heard Janus’ door click shut they all turned to Remus with questions. “Did he call you Papa?”, “How long has he been touched-starved?”, “How can we help him?” Roman, Logan and Patton all spoke at once.

“One question at a time.” Remus stated, giving them all a cold stare when he turned back to them. “Ro, you first.” Remus gestured at Roman to talk.

“Why did he call you Papa?” Roman asked, genuinely very confused.

“ I raised him. He formed when I was 7, Virgil was 10.” Remus shrugged. He was surprised they didn’t figure that out. Virgil wasn’t exactly the most parental side but he guessed he wouldn’t be seen as one either.

“Wait what?!” All of them but Virgil shouted. 

“Remus are you sure he’s that young? Deceit and denial are formed much younger than that,” Logan questioned.

Remus looked Logan directly in his eyes, making the glasses clad side fidget. “Are you stupid?”

Logan sputtered and Roman looked angry and ready to intervene when Logan spoke up, “Of course not! His primary function is Deceit and that would make him around my age! Ergo, just a year younger than you and Roman as one creativity!”

Remus raised a single brow, “Really? You genuinely believe that deception is Janus’ prime function? Have you ever listened to him? Do you remember him forming back then, before the split?”

“Of course I have! I-...oh” Logan stopped, a perplexed look crossing his face before and understanding look.

“Oh what?! His primary function is Deceit is it not?! That’s why he’s called Deceit!” Roman threw his hands up as he spoke. 

“Deceit is just...part of him Princey, a big part but....his primary function is societal self-preservation. Like Patton said in Jan’s first episode. ‘Deceit is an inner couch that acts with the one intention of self-preservation’ his primary may...seem like deceit but it’s not” Virgil said reluctently.

“Well put Virgey!” Remus grinned unnaturally wide and then as soon as the grin appeared it dropped. “Janus formed when Thomas started to have the desire for things to be fair and when Thomas started forming his sense of self on his ability to perform. He formed when Thomas was ten years old.” Remus stated. 

The others looked guilty. “So...he...he really does want the best for Thomas?” Patton questioned.

Remus groaned and threw his hands in the air. “Of course he fucking does! That’s all any of us want for Thomas! What? You thought that because he often speaks in lies and encourages certain lying he wants to ruin Thomas? He wants Thomas to throw everything down the drain? That he wants Thomas to lose his friends?! Are you fucking stupid!? You and Roman had a whole fucking 50 minute video on the topic WITH HIM! He literally said he’s looking out for Thomas’ mental wellbeing!! The whole wedding debacle in the courtroom was trying to get Thomas to be HONEST with himself!” Remus growled as he stomped around the table to Patton.

 “You all view things in black and white, well Padre , that’s not how life WORKS! That’s not how ANYTHING works! Nothing is in black and white! It’s shades of grey daddy-o!” Remus spat at Patton, a boney finger jabbing him in the center of his chest as he stared down at the ‘father-figure’.

“Like I fucking said in my song ‘good and bad is all made up nonsense’.” Remus huffed as he pulled away and crossed his arms. “Now if you excuse me I need to help a certain snake get used to touch again and not be overstimulated when I cuddle him to death.” 

Virgil went to open his mouth but quickly snapped it shut when Remus threw him a glare.

“You ,Virgil, are the last person to visit him right now.” Remus snapped as he sank out and into Janus’ room, leaving the room cold and unsettled.

[abused-sides]

A Lesson

TRIGGER WARNINGS: EXPLICIT INCESTUAL UNDERAGE RAPE, gaslighting, stockholm syndrome, conditioning, blood, dissociating, let me know if i missed anything!

Synopsis: Roman promises to spend a day with Remus without fighting.

It was Saturday. Remus slept in, curled up in his blankets and holding them to his chin. Daddy had come in during the night, drunk, to quietly fuck him then leave him to clean up. He didn’t like it when Daddy was in a rush, but Daddy’s made it clear that Remus wasn’t in control.

He woke up to knocking at his door. “Hmmph?” He moaned, pulling the pillow over his head.

“Hey, baby bro!” Roman grinned at him. “No one’s home. Wanna play Outlast?”

Remus raised his head and quirked an eyebrow. “You hate Outlast. Where’s Pat and Lo?”

He waved a hand. “I dunno, probably studying and baking cookies. Isn’t Outlast your favourite game?”

“The first one,” Remus clarified. “Not the second one.”

“Right. Well, let’s go!”

Remus sat up. “I don’t know, Ro.”

He pouted. “Why not?”

“I don’t feel like fighting today,” he said honestly. “I don’t have the energy.”

“We don’t always fight!” Roman insisted.

Remus gave him a look. “Really? We don’t?”

“Let me prove it to you!” Roman skipped over and sat in bed. “Let me prove that we can go a whole day without fighting.”

Remus hesitated. Was it worth a shot? He couldn’t say he liked Roman, but he could say he loved him. Truthfully, he didn’t know why they fought all the time. It always seemed unavoidable.

“Okay,” he settled on. “We can try. Outlast?”

Roman grinned. “Yeah!”

They set up in the living room with Mountain Dew and salt and vinegar chips, booting up the game. Remus took the controller first, speedrunning through the first part like he’d done six times in one day before.

“God, you’re good at this game,” Roman said as he took the controller. “But I bet I’m better! I mean— uh… nice job!”

Remus rolled his eyes. Roman trying to be nice was laughable.

“You gotta hide in the locker— Roman, HIDE! You’re gonna get Miles killed!”

“Don’t yell at me! Not everyone is an Outlast freak!”

Remus huffed and went to leave. Roman paused the game and grabbed his hand.

“Wait! I’m sorry, I got carried away. Do over?”

It hadn’t even been twenty minutes. Could they really get through a day without fighting?

But Roman seemed to be really trying, for the first time ever. Remus didn’t understand it but… it felt nice.

“Okay,” he said. “Do over.”

They played through the game with minor arguments but overall having fun. Roman squealed and hid his face in the pillow when Trager cut off Miles’ fingers, then sheepishly asked if they could play Stardew Valley instead. Remus convinced him to finish out the game and it was satisfying watching him cry at the ending, feeling so strongly about something Remus loved with his whole heart.

They went to the kitchen to make lunch. “Let’s make protein shakes,” Roman said excitedly and Remus wrinkled his nose.

“Gross. I want real food.”

Roman frowned. “It is real food! And it’s good, it’s like a milkshake.”

Remus shook his head. “Absolutely not.”

Roman tapped his foot as he thought, looking hurt. Heat chased over Remus’ skin. Shit. He hurt Roman.

“I… well, um… how about… I guess I could try it.”

Roman looked at him hopefully, then smiled and said, “We don’t have to eat the same thing, right? Oh! How about I make you a gross sandwich and you make me my shake?”

Remus thought about it, and decided this was the perfect time to fuck with Roman. “Yeah!”

They got to work, Roman making a disgusting mix of peach, raspberry, and orange Crofters with peanut butter while Remus stuffed the blender full of all the gross things he could. He bit into his sandwich with a grin.

“Mmmmm. Thanks, Ro!”

“Yeah!” He stared at the shake in trepidation. “Yeah. Uh…”

“Aren’t you going to eat?” He asked innocently.

“Yep! Just… Yep!” He took a sip and turned green. “It’s great,” he managed.

Remus burst out into laughter and took the cup. He chugged it down and went to rinse it out.

“Okay, what do you ACTUALLY put in here?”

Roman sighed in relief and instructed him through making the shake. They settled in front of the T.V and watched Coraline as they ate.

They played Stardew Valley for a while until Remus started getting sleepy. He didn’t have a lot of energy lately. He didn’t know why. He slumped over onto Roman’s shoulder and fell asleep.

He woke up to hushed voices. Keeping his eyes closed, he listened.

“-stay away from your brother,” Daddy whispered. “He’s not good for you!”

“We just hung out!” Roman begged, tightening his arm around Remus’ shoulders. “Look at him, he’s just sleeping! We had a good day, Dad.”

“I don’t like what’s been going on with you lately. What happened to my little prince?”

Roman sounded hurt. “I- I still am your little prince.”

“Are you? I thought you hated Remus.”

Remus’ heart clenched. Roman hated him?

“I don’t hate him! I just… get frustrated. I don’t know why we don’t get along.”

“You don’t have to,” Dad insisted. “You don’t have to like him. I don’t.”

“Dad,” Roman said in horror, and it took all of Remus’ strength not to burst into tears right there. “Why have you been spending so much time with him then?”

“I’m trying to get him under control. And it’s working. So please don’t get in the way.”

“I don’t like that,” Roman said. “He doesn’t need to change.”

“You’re too good of a person, Ro. You don’t understand. Don’t you trust me?”

“…yeah, Dad.”

“Good. Now give me a kiss and go to your room.”

“Dad, I… aren’t I too old for that?”

“Now you’re breaking my heart. Are you serious?”

“What— no! No, I just… no, I’m sorry, I take that back. Here.”

Lips smacking together. Roman’s presence leaving, then footsteps. Remus slumped to the couch.

He was picked up and carried into the office. He had to completely dissociate to keep himself from losing it and having a meltdown.

“Baby,” Daddy whispered in his ear, setting him in the office chair.

Remus cracked his eyes open. “Daddy?”

“Now tell me what you and Roman did today.”

Remus hesitated. “Are you mad?”

“Yes. I want you to stay away from your brother. And cuddling with him? Have you forgotten that you’re mine?”

“I can’t…” Remus swallowed, “cuddle?”

“No. And for that you’re getting punished.”

“I don’t understand,” Remus admitted, and he immediately regretted it.

Daddy’s eyes narrowed. “Bend over the desk,” he ordered.

Remus scrambled to obey. Daddy yanked down his pants and disappeared into the closet. He came out with a large paddle.

Remus dug his nails into the desk. He hated this. Fuck, how was he going to get out of this?

“Daddy, please,” he begged. It was just Roman! I didn’t know! Please, PLEASE don’t punish me!”

CRACK! He cried out. Daddy stuffed his pant leg in Remus’ mouth.

“Bite down on that and shut up. You were bad. You knew what you were doing. What are you, a slut? I thought you were all mine! I can’t believe this!”

Remus wanted to beg, to say that he IS all Daddy’s, that no one could ever own him like Daddy could and he was happy with him, anything he could say to get out of this.

But he couldn’t.

He took the punishment, sobbing and hiccuping the entire time, and nearly blacked out when Daddy shoved into him without any prep. He laid there, letting Daddy slam into him, floating out of his body. Was he bleeding again?

His eyes were glazed over. His body knocked against the desk, over and over again. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. His dad gripped his hair, but he couldn’t feel it.

“Thank me,” he growled, and Remus didn’t process it until he ripped the gag out and smacked him in the head. “Thank me!”

“Thank you, Daddy,” he whispered, and suddenly it made sense.

Remus was bad.

Remus was wrong.

His daddy was being nice and trying to fix him. Logan was wrong, this wasn’t abuse.

It was a lesson.

Please send me asks with what you want to see happen!

[evertriedsoywithyourpopcorn]

5 Reasons Roman Is Infuriating (And Why I DO NOT have a crush on him)

Chapter 2: Wasted Effort, Wasted Breath

Read on AO3 (Chapter 1)

Word count: 1363

Tw: Sooo much pining, Food mention, Remus shenanigans (Explicit nicknames, Explicit language, Human body limits being broken, Talk of gore)

Character’s: Logan, Roman, Remus (cause I love a supportive bestie)

~~~

"-pretty sure his favorite flowers are buttercups, but I could always ask... Are you listening to me Specs?"

"Hm? Yes, yes I am." Logan blinks out of his haze from which he was not listening. Don't get him wrong, he does usually enjoy discussions with Roman, but not really when he's making plans to help him woo someone he doesn't even like.

"Oh yeah? Name his favorite kinds of chocolates." Roman challenges.

"Milk Chocolate chips." Logan already knew that before, as he is usually the one to supervise Patton's baking to make sure he doesn't burn down the mindscape. Patton is always a chatty fellow, and Logan now knows pretty much his whole life story. He's used this knowledge before, gaining him a gold star on a family game night. (He has it pinned up next to all of Thomas's other academic achievements)

"Fair enough. I set the bar too low." Roman flops down on the bed, drawing a long sigh. As soon as Roman had found out about Logan's crush, he had dragged him to his room so they could get to the 'gossip' immediately.

At this point, after three hours, Logan is almost more annoyed than embarrassed. After the initial shock of realizing his infatuation, he's had the time to think about it and come to terms with his feelings. It helped that he was in the same room as the object of his affections this whole time, as he's been noticing all of the things he used to repress. Like how he really likes Roman's smile. He likes his prince charming smile, when he's overly confident about something. He likes his bashful smiles whenever he gets shy about something.

Really, he just likes Roman.

It feels very simple when he puts it that way. He can't believe it's taken him this long to find out.

"I think we should take a break from the input of ideas for now." Logan suggests.

Roman sighs and deflates further. "Ah, fine. I shall for now give up on setting you up with your one true love."

Logan stays silent. What? Just because he's annoyed enough to want to tell Roman doesn't mean he has an ounce of courage to actually go through with it. He clearly is all for setting up Logan with Patton, why would he like him back? Logan doesn't want to risk getting his heart broken, figuratively, right after discovering that his heart has been for Roman all along. Figuratively.

"Sooo, what kind of things do you like in Patton?" Roman asks, suspiciously calm and casual.

"I- um, well-" Logan fumbles for something people would find romantically attractive in Patton. "He... He's got... Eyes? And he wears clothes. I enjoy people wearing clothes."

Roman stares at him, confused. "... That's it? Come on, you've gotta give me something better than that Dill Weed."

Well, why not go for things he likes in Roman, he supposes. As Janus would say, every lie works better when rooted in truth.

"I think he's rather dumb," Logan starts off with. "Which should be a negative, but he's just so endearingly stupid. Every time he spews some nonsense, or does anything really, I just want to kiss him. He's also really creati- Kind. Very... Uhh... Sweet. I notice the effort he puts in to make others feel special. And make me feel special. Everyone is included."

"Do you... Like his puns?" Roman asks, half smiling, looking increasingly uncomfortable.

"Dear Newton, I hate his puns." Logan sighs solemnly. That draws a laugh from Roman, if only for a bit. "I do actually like his eyes though. The changes we experience in the mindscape are fascinating, and he's certainly been blessed, with those green, piercing eyes." He says, entranced, looking into Roman's wide, green, piercing eyes, that are looking back at him in shock.

"You mean blue?" Roman asks, oddly red in the ears and fidgeting with his hands.

Logan blinks out of his stupor. "Ah. Right. Blue. Apologies."

They both break eye contact, him looking around the very decorated room as if that would cure his embarrassment.

"You really seem to like him." Roman looks back to him, face pinched but still smiling.

"I do." Logan agrees, admiring the other. "I like him a lot."

"Well. Um." Roman stands up abruptly from the bed. "You did say you didn't want my help for tonight with the whole date ordeal. In which case, we shall resume the noble quest at a later date!"

"You don't want to talk about other things?" Logan asks, tilting his head. Is Roman okay? He looks pained.

"No, I think I'll be off. I have to go do other things. Like, water my.. Turtle." Roman ushers him out of his room. "So long, Geek Chic."

“... You don’t own a turtle-” Logan is left there, staring at the door. It's red with a star at the top center. Tasteful. Very Hollywood dressing room.

He clears his throat, and goes on his route to his own room. That shouldn't be that hard, since the only thing separating them is Patton's (He volunteered to move in between when both of them started arguing through the wall. It's strange because they live in a metaphysical space that only roughly simulates real life and therefore likely have an empty void in between the spaces of their rooms, but Logan suspects where he goes, more logical influence follows.), but fate has an interesting way of working. Or just Remus. Speaking of, there he is. Breaking through the ceiling and landing face-first with a splat in front of Logan.

Remus merely cranks his head 180 to look at Logan. "Heyyy Nerdgasm. How'd the romantic fucking go?"

"I didn't tell him."

"No? Are you scared?" He asks, in a mocking tone but looking concerned.

Logan's shoulders slump. "I don't think I'm ready enough to face rejection from him. Not to mention he seemed rather adamant about giving me tips on how to woo Patton."

"Aww, come on Logie. You can't give up now. I'm not allowed to tell you why, but you do have quite the chance of scoring that loser." Remus says, shifting in and out of existence until he's standing upright. He pats Logan's shoulder. "Now go, cause the next time you see me, you'll never hear the end of the teasing. Like, even if you rip off your ears! I'll still find a way to make fun of you." He cackles.

Logan dreads the moment they meet again. Now that both Remus, Janus and Virgil were proven right, not only will they brag amongst themselves, but they'll surely tease him.

Remus prances off, and Logan finally gets to his room. He takes off his shoes, because cleanliness is a good idea, and prepares himself for bed.

Staring up at his star-covered ceiling (Accurate to it's alignment of today, obviously), he realizes he still has a lot to process.

How did they all know and yet he had no idea? He knows he isn't the most intelligent when it comes to emotions, but come on, neither are most of them. Usually Virgil wouldn't know romantic tension if it slapped him across the chaps. Or maybe he would. He'd just be anxious and/or grossed out by it.

Logan realizes that he must have been obvious. He's sure that he's been caught glaring at Roman many times. And trying to be around him. And Janus is also a living lie detector.

He gets himself into a comfortable lying position, turning off his bedside lamp.

Will he ever tell Roman? He'll probably have to, or keep the feelings to himself for the rest of his existence, hoping they go away.

Which would be better? Sure, never confessing sounds like a tragic way for things to go, but what would be even more tragic would be to get rejected by him, and have to coexist for eternity afterwards. Would Roman avoid him? His heart clenches painfully at the possibilities.

Perhaps he's having cognitive distortions... Roman is rather considerate. If he were to let him down, he'd do it slowly and compassionately.

As Logan's conscience fades, he prays it will all turn out alright.

~~~

[moceit]

Home Is Where...

Masterlist

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Summary: It's boring being a teenager when you have no friends and are stuck working as a waiter at your dad's restaurant. At least that's what Virgil thought until a set of twins move into town and start attending school with him. Now how will Virgil survive after letting himself befriend Remus Rey? Suddenly Virgil's life becomes a roller coaster of never-ending adrenaline that he wasn't prepared for... and neither were his parents.

Pairings: Platonic Dukexiety, Eventual Prinxiety, Divorced/Eventual Moceit, Background/Implied Intrulogical, Brief One-Sided Logince

Chapter 1

Word Count: 2,906

Chapter Warnings: Lmk if something needs tagged

Read on AO3

Virgil is awoken by a loud knocking on his bedroom door. He pulls his comforter over his head to block out the noise, but his papa has other plans. He pushes open the door and stands in the entryway holding a large mixing bowl under his left arm.

"Good morning, kiddo, how would you like your pancakes today?" he asks his son who moans and rolls over to face the wall away from him in reply.

Patton resumes stirring the batter in his mixing bowl as he enters Virgil's room, careful to not step on the clothes strewn around the floor as he approaches his son's bed. He pulls the comforter off his son's head which prompts Virgil to try and hide his face in his pillow, wanting so desperately to be left alone so he could get more sleep.

"Now Virgil, I know you were up late last night, even after I told you to go to bed, but you do have school this morning. It's the first day of your junior year, isn't that exciting!" 

Virgil groans while sitting up in bed. The teenager glares at his papa who stands innocently smiling down at him while he continues whisking away at an already smooth pancake batter. 

"Chocolate chips." he simply says, then stretches his arms and lets out one big yawn.

"Alright. I'll see if there are some left." Patton puts down his whisk and pats his son's shoulder. "Get ready. I'll see you downstairs." Then he walks out, leaving Virgil sitting alone on his bed.

Virgil strips off the old t-shirt he wore to bed and throws it across his bedroom. He blearily scans the room over to his desk chair piled high with clothes he believes have all been washed. Virgil finally stands from his bed and walks over to the chair. He picks through the pile and pulls out a fresh t-shirt that he smells to ensure it's cleaned before throwing on. He follows the same pattern as he puts on a pair of black jeans, then finishes off the look with his favorite hoodie and some socks he left lying next to his bed before finally walking out of his room and jogging downstairs to greet his papa in the kitchen.

Patton is flipping a pancake when he sees his son walk in and plop down at the breakfast table with a mumbled "morning" before hiding his face with his hood.

"Good to see you up." says Patton. Virgil shrugs and reaches over to the cartoon of orange juice Patton left out on the table. "You were in luck. I had just enough chocolate chips for this batch of pancakes this morning."

"Yippee." Virgil deadpans, standing to get a glass from the cabinet, orange juice in hand.

He fills his glass with the orange juice. His papa asks to pour him a glass of juice as well, so Virgil grabs another glass from the cabinet and repeats his action. He brings the glasses over to the breakfast table and sits back down at his spot.

Patton appears behind him carrying two plates of chocolate chip pancakes. He lays a plate in front of Virgil and carries the other plate over to his spot. He sits down across from his son.

"Dig in." he smiles, pushing the syrup he set out on the table towards Virgil for him to get started first.

Virgil pours a little syrup on his pancakes before passing it back to his papa. He starts scarfing down his pancakes, wanting to finish up so he can get out as soon as possible. He was planning on mindlessly driving around town before he had to force himself to pull into the parking lot of the high school that he dreads attending.

"I'm driving you to school today." his papa says abruptly, as if he is reading Virgil's mind. "And your dad is gonna pick you up for work after."

Virgil rolls his eyes and groans. "Why…?!" he whines as he places his fork down next to his plate.

"He's short staffed and needs the extra help." Patton says matter-of-factly before taking a bite out of his breakfast.

"But do you have to drive me? Do you not trust me enough to take myself there after school?"

"Wouldn't it be easier to carpool with your dad instead?" Virgil glares at his papa something quite threatening, but his papa seems to ignore the look "One time. That's all we're asking you."

Virgil looks away from his papa. "Fine." he huffs. 

His dad beams back at him and thanks him for cooperating before returning back to eating.

---

Patton pulls up to the front of Virgil's school. Virgil sits next to him in the passenger seat with his knees up against the dashboard and his headphones on listening to his music. He lost himself in his thoughts and he didn't even register they have arrived until his papa taps his shoulder to get his attention.

Virgil pauses his music, lowers his headphones around his neck, and looks at his papa.

"Remember that your dad will be picking you up after school." says Patton with his ever kind smile. "Have a good day. I love you."

By this point Virgil has already cracked open his car door. "Yeah." he says in reply before swinging the door open all the way and climbing out of his papa's old Chevy Cruze. 

As his papa pulls away from the school Virgil glances back at the parking lot and notices a brand new Lexus ES pull in and park. The sight of a luxury vehicle being quite a foreign concept to all the students around him so Virgil isn't the only one who stops to stare at the two boys who step out of it.

While Virgil definitely couldn't say he knows everyone at the school, having spent his entire school career fairly alone, he realizes these two guys have to be new students.

Virgil turns back around and shuffles through the front entrance of the school. The halls are crammed with other kids excitedly chatting and catching up after three months apart from each other. Virgil watches as two students run up to each other and throw themselves into a hug. The excitement of the two students catching up in his view is something very unfamiliar to Virgil. Every year he walks down these halls and not once has anybody ever bothered to greet him, aside from a couple friendly teachers and faculty members who like to welcome back every student who locks eyes with them.

With nothing for him out in the halls Virgil continues his trudge all the way to his first period class. He's the first one there, even beating the teacher, though that's not a surprise to him. He takes a seat in the back of class and puts his headphones back on, hitting the play button and letting himself enjoy these next few moments of peace.

As it starts getting closer for class to begin students begin filing into the classroom. One of the kids in Virgil's class he recognizes as one of the boys who stepped out of the Lexus this morning. He appears to have already met a couple of the girls in their first period as he walks in with them, chatting away like they were old friends. The group sit down together with the boy two seats up from where Virgil is sitting. 

They're talking quite loudly and Virgil decides to be a little nosy as he pauses his music to eavesdrop on them. If they are going to be louder than his music then he might as well pick up on a piece of their conversation.

"So are you considering auditioning for the fall musical? We do it every year!" Says one of the girls, gesturing to all of her friends with the last statement.

"This fall we're doing The Little Mermaid!" says another girl excitedly. "One of my favorites!"

"Oh, absolutely!" the boy says with an overly grandiose flare in his voice that almost makes Virgil want to gag. "I've been doing theater since I was five so I'm not gonna miss an opportunity now!"

"Great, another pompous theater kid." Thinks Virgil sarcastically.

"Then we can all go to the audition together!" A third girl chimes while clapping her hands excitedly.

"It'll be great. You're gonna love our director." Says the first girl.

Virgil goes to hit play on his music again, deciding the conversation wasn't worth his time listening in to. Virgil was never interested in theater talk. He recognizes the three girls as being some of the most active members of the school's drama club so Virgil should've figured that this conversation would lead to something theater related anyways. Before Virgil gets a chance to hit the button on his phone he's stopped short when the teacher walks in and immediately grabs the attention of her students.

"Welcome to eleventh grade chemistry…" she begins.

---

The day drags on slowly as Virgil is forced to go from class to class listening to practically the same exact spiel as the teachers read off their syllabus for the school year. Then he finally gets to fifth period and he feels a bit of relief knowing lunch comes right after.

As he walks into the class a couple students are already seated but he is luckily able to get a spot in the back. One of the kids already in the classroom happens to be the other boy in the Lexus from this morning. He is also seated in the back so Virgil chooses  to sit on the other side of the classroom. If this kid is anything like his brother (?) then Virgil wants to stay as far away from him as possible. 

The other boy stays to himself as more students continue finding their way into class, but Virgil notices the boy staring at him out the corner of his eye. This unsettles Virgil as he's never had anyone pay him any mind before, let alone look at him with such intent as the boy across the room from him did. Virgil is anxious to say something to him so he tries his best to ignore the boy's glances. He distracts himself by chewing a hang nail on his thumb and bouncing his leg as he tries to stare ahead of himself and not turn back in the boy's direction.

Virgil could still feel the boys eyes on him throughout the entire class. When the bell finally rings Virgil bolts up from his seat and practically sprinting out the door. He takes deep breaths out in the hall as he begins to calm himself down during his walk down to the cafeteria.

Something tells Virgil fifth period World History will be interesting.

---

When Virgil gets to lunch he goes into his usual routine of standing in line, grabbing his lunch and going to the table in the far corner of the cafeteria. It's the usual spot he sits at where he can be alone, just him and his music.

Except this time his normal lunch will be interrupted. As Virgil is enjoying his time to his self his eyes meet with that of the boy's from history. Virgil's heart drops as he realizes the boy is coming straight towards him.

"Oh no" the boy plops down right across from him. Virgil's single table to himself becoming a table for two for the first time in years.

"You look lonely." The boy states. "But I wanna change that."

Virgil pushes his tray closer to him as he desires to curl in on himself and hide away. There's no way he is letting this boy get too close to him.

"I'm fine."

"Wouldn't you like a friend?"

"I don't need a friend."

"Well, I'm not moving."

"Fine!"

Virgil is hoping that the conversation will end there and he can try to enjoy his lunch in peace as usual. He is wrong.

"My name is Remus Rey. I'm new here and I'm looking to make new friends. I saw you last period and thought you and I would get along."

Virgil takes a second to process what Remus is saying to him. He doesn't understand what about him screams friend material for Remus or why that would warrant Remus to stare at him all period long. Should he feel flattered or concerned? Virgil decides it's better if he doesn't think about it too hard.

"I'm Virgil… Hudson-Bullard."

"That's a unique last name."

"It's hyphenated."

"Two last names?"

"Sure."

"Well," Remus begins, "my family moved here over the summer. We live in Oakland Heights."

Virgil's dad lives in Oakland Heights. When Virgil is over at his dad's he likes going on walks. For several years there was one house in the neighborhood that sat for sale. Virgil has always been so blown away by the house’s beauty and size, but the home was way out of the price range for the average person living in town. At the end of last school year Virgil remembers walking past the same house and the For Sale sign had a big red "Sold" over it. Virgil can't think of another house that was sold around that same time so it's safe to assume Remus is talking about the large home in Virgil's mind.

He can't believe the boy sitting across from him would live in such a nice home. If what Remus is saying is true then that would mean his family is well off. Then again, it would add up. He arrived to school in a freaking Lexus! Virgil shouldn't be too surprised but he's still taking time to process all of this.

"You're not talking about the large home at the end of Berry Street?" Virgil is still in disbelief.

"Yep, that'd be the one. Me and my twin brother, Roman are both excited to be starting school here today! We've never been to a public school before."

Twin brother? Virgil looks past Remus over to another table where the boy in question is sitting at laughing with a bunch of theater kids and other popular students that Virgil would rather not associate with. Roman seems to have found his clique and is hitting it off with the others quite well.

Remus notices Virgil's gaze drift behind him so he turns around and traces Virgil's eyesight over to Roman. 

"We're like night and day." Remus says. "He and I don't really get along. We haven't since around the time we started middle school. We got into two different interests and friend groups. People tend to find it easier to get along with Roman than they do me." 

Remus turns back to look at Virgil who's attention has now returned back to him. "I sometimes think even my parents like him than me… at least in our mom's case."

Virgil is almost beginning to pity him. Perhaps it was because he saw himself in the new boy and didn't want to wish the same fate on someone else.

"I've recently been cut off from my allowance." He continues. "So now I'm looking for a job so I can have a little bit of spending money."

Virgil shrugs. "I wish I knew how to help." He says simply to be kind, but also because he really was beginning to feel for him.

"Thanks. I suppose I'll find something eventually?" Remus finally takes a bite out of his lunch before adding. "I really like you, Virgil. I think we'll be great friends."

---

The second half of Virgil's school day felt just as slow as the first half but luckily it lacked any more sightings of the Rey brothers. When the final bell rang signalling the end of the day Virgil finds himself speeding lightening fast out the doors to the parking lot. He starts searching for his dad's car waiting for him all the way in the back. Figures he would make Virgil walk.

Virgil makes his way all the way to his dad's car and slips into the passenger seat.

"How was school." His dad deadpans as soon as Virgil closed the door. His voice sounding as if he didn't care, though Virgil knows his dad well enough to understand it's just his tone and that he was more concerned than he sounds.

Janus starts pulling out of the parking lot as Virgil replies. "It was fine." He shrugs. "Got a couple new kids. The one decided to sit next to me during lunch." Virgil says nonchalantly.

"Oh~" Janus drawls, "you made a new friend?"

"If that's what you wanna call it." Virgil puts on his headphones to tell his dad he is done with the conversation.

The rest of the car ride is silent as Janus drives the two of them over to the restaurant. Virgil stares at the building with no emotion as he slips his headphones off his head and into his backpack.

"I brought some work clothes and your black work sneakers in case you needed them." his dad says as he goes to open the door. "They're sitting in the back seat."

Janus gets out of the car and starts walking inside. Virgil looks at his clothes through the rearview mirror before he gets out himself. He opens the back door and grabs the outfit his dad had for him before going in himself. Time for work.

[averykedavra]

i keep to myself (i want to break through)

Uh, hi! It’s been a while. Again. But I’m here to deliver content before vanishing once more! To get back in the writing groove, I brushed off an older story, one I started right after FWSA. I wrote the first few pages, dropped it for months, and now I’ve cobbled together an angsty mess from the remains. Yay! This is also my first time writing c!Thomas’ perspective, so I hope it turned out alright!

(Title is from Prom Dress by mxmtoon. This fic is on Ao3 here!)

Pairings: platonic Logicality and also Thomas

Words: 9937 (i swear this was meant to be short)

Warnings: crying, a detailed description of a panic attack, overthinking and spiraling, anxiety, self-deprecation and self-esteem issues, identity crisis, maybe a bit of disassociation

Thomas should have been excited.

All afternoon, he’d been thrilled. He’d barely remembered to eat dinner. He’d composed sappy tweets and sang Can You Feel the Love Tonight? until his neighbors told him to stop. He’d smiled so much that his face hurt, flapped his hands until they ached, and danced around in dizzy disbelief.

Nico. Nico, who was a poet and who was funny and who had the nicest smile and wanted to meet up again.

Thomas was overjoyed. Thomas was ecstatic. Thomas couldn’t believe this was real, but after pinching himself five times, he’d confirmed it wasn’t a dream.

Nico.

He had a date.

Thomas should be excited.

And he was, and then very abruptly, he wasn’t.

He’d felt it approaching even before dinner. He’d sang louder to drown it out. He’d grinned almost forcibly, dragging his thoughts back on track, thinking this is a good thing until he could almost ignore the creeping numb clouds in the back of his mind.

And his happiness soured. He ran out of energy. He collapsed on the couch, turning on the Parks and Rec bloopers before a voice told him to watch something educational. He turned on a nature channel instead. Swans mated for life. Wild.

Thomas was feeling, slowly, more and more terrible.

He should do something to stop it. He should call a friend, eat some good food, focus on the positives. He could feel himself inching closer to a cliff, and there was still time to turn back, there was still time--

He got up to microwave some pizza. Maybe eating would make him feel better. He’d exercised today. It was fine.

Everything was fine.

Why did he feel so weird? This had been a good day. Maybe one of his best. He’d gone to that mall directionless, and now someone wanted to date him, a lovely someone who made him feel itty bitty butterflies in his chest and sunshine in his heart.

Except for now. Now the butterflies felt soaked in ice, and the sunshine burned through him and made his eyes prickle.

The microwave hummed away and he bounced back and forth waiting for it. Just a minute until pizza, and then pizza and nature channels and a long evening, maybe video games and soda and a friend on the phone. He’d give himself a self-care night. He deserved it.

Thomas waited for the pizza.

The microwave coughed, scraped, and whirred its way along.

It was dark in the kitchen. He ran a hand along the counter. It was so cold and smooth that it felt like he was touching nothing at all. The moon hung low outside the window, accompanied by the ugly yellow glow of streetlights. He’d forgotten to turn on a light in the kitchen.

Thomas shuffled towards the light switch, decided not to bother, and grabbed a plastic plate for the pizza instead. It was one of the bad plates that could reasonably be a frisbee. A chip and dent combo on the edge nicked his fingers. He winced. Maybe he should get another plate.

Nah, why bother? This plate was fine.

The pizza should be done by now, right? It’d been five minutes. Had it?

The TV was playing in the background. Thomas had forgotten to turn it off. That’d waste electricity--why did he always forget stuff, stupid--

Thomas took a deep shuddering breath.

In and out. This was fine. No matter that he could feel tears clustering at the edge of his vision, no matter that his breath struggled in his chest like a living thing, no matter that the kitchen was dark and still and quiet and made him feel like he was drowning.

There was no reason to be upset.

He should be excited.

Ding!

Thomas almost cried in relief, throwing open the microwave. He grabbed the pizza and opened the box.

Frost clustered on the edge of the crust. It needed more time in the microwave. He’d done the wrong amount of minutes.

Of course he had.

Of course he had.

Thomas let the pizza fall, and a swell of tears rose up to meet him. He grabbed the plate and took it back to the couch, which accomplished nothing but he needed to do something, he couldn’t wait in that stupid kitchen for a second longer--

Thomas collapsed on the couch again, and tried to make himself very small in the corner, like his impending breakdown wouldn’t notice him if he hid.

He pressed a hand to his eyes.

“Come on,” he told himself, and his voice didn’t sound like his own. It wavered and was itchy and staticky, grating at his ears. “Come on, get it together, come on--”

His phone beeped.

Someone was texting him.

Oh, no. Now he had to open his eyes, get the phone, text them, be funny and nice when he texted them, help them if they needed help--too many things, and Thomas was frozen, because he’d meant to microwave the pizza, and the TV was still playing and casting shuddering light over his blanket, and the world was dark and there were too many things to do--

Panic.

He was panicking, wasn’t he?

Thomas took a deep breath. And realized he hadn’t done that for almost half a minute. The air was a relief, and he almost cried right then and there, sunk in one dark corner of the couch.

“Virgil,” he forced out. “Virgil, are you--”

He didn’t finish the sentence. He couldn’t find the words. What would Virgil do, anyway? Virgil would just make this worse--that wasn’t nice--he couldn’t breathe--Virgil was clearly not okay, and--

And Thomas was going to cry, and there was no reason for that, and logically speaking he should be fine--

He was terrified.

Logically speaking, he was terrified, because logically speaking, he’d made a huge mistake.

Thomas choked on a sob. He sent out a summons--anyone, please, anyone, Logan or Patton or Virgil or De--Janus. Hell, he’d take Remus at this point, Remus could knock him out so he wouldn’t have to stay in this itchy dark room with a million things colliding and the TV still on and the pizza cold and the lights off and his phone probably blowing up with texts as everyone slowly started to hate him--

“Kiddo?”

Thomas jerked his head up and kicked wildly at the noise.

“Oh! Sorry,” Patton said, his voice soft. “Didn’t mean to startle you. Can you breathe for me, kiddo?”

Thomas took one deep breath.

“That’s great! I’m proud of you. Can you do it again?”

Another deep breath.

“Good job,” Patton said, and Thomas’ vision cleared enough to see tear tracks on his cheeks.

“You--” Thomas started. But he lost his sentence as soon as he found it.

“Shh, don’t try and talk just yet, okay?” Patton’s eyes were achingly sympathetic. “Can I touch you?”

Thomas thought about it. He nodded jerkily.

“Okay. Thanks for telling me.” Patton’s hand slipped into his, warm and soft, reminding Thomas oddly of his actual dad. “Keep breathing, kiddo. You’re doing amazing.”

A simple instruction. One thing. No other things, no other things around him and no past and no future and no friends or family or Nico. Just him. Just Patton. It was dark and still and Thomas had been told what to do.

Thomas kept breathing.

Patton smiled at him, and the snarled mass in Thomas’ chest lessened, bit by bit by bit. He tried not to think. He tried just to see, to see and hear and touch.

What was it Logan taught him?

Five things he could see.

The glow of the TV over the couch. The moon outside the pale window. The blanket over his legs. His hand in Patton’s. Patton’s face, streaked with tears and so incredibly soft.

Four things he could touch.

The couch. His blanket. His clothes. Patton’s hand.

Three things he could hear.

The murmur of the television--the channel had moved on to flamingos, apparently. The rustle of the blanket when he shifted. The hum of the fridge.

Two things he could smell.

That cold pizza. A vague smell of sweat which was probably him, thanks to all the running around from earlier.

One thing he could taste.

Dinner. Chicken pad thai.

Thomas closed his eyes, opened them, and found himself sitting on the couch, watching TV, with Patton holding his hand.

He was here.

He’d always been here.

“It’s okay,” Patton whispered, and Thomas realized he’d been talking this whole time, murmuring words of encouragement. “It’s okay, you’re doing amazing, just let it out.”

Thomas squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”

Patton’s face lit up. “No biggie,” he said, “who would I be if I left you on your own?”

Reasonable, Thomas didn’t say. Normal.

“Thank you,” he said instead. “It means a lot.”

Patton gave him a long, unreadable look, before patting his hand and standing up. He looked around and clucked his tongue. “It’s so dark! Wait here, I’ll turn on the lights.”

“I can do it,” Thomas protested.

Patton didn’t roll his eyes, but he huffed a bit, and Thomas sank back into the couch with a sigh. Patton was right. Thomas’ limbs felt like jelly and if he tried to move, he’d probably fall right off the couch.

Patton milled about the room, turning on the kitchen light and the light by the stairway and the lamp behind the TV. When he saw the frozen pizza in the microwave, Thomas braced himself for a chiding. Patton was always critical of his cooking skills. Instead, Patton quietly closed the microwave and punched in several numbers. The microwave whirred to life.

Thomas looked down at the plate on the couch cushion. He picked it up and noticed his hands were shaking. “Do you--”

Patton glanced back. “I’m getting you some water, kiddo. Don’t worry, just get yourself cozy, okay?”

Thomas nodded and let out a shaky breath. “Thanks, buddy.”

“No need to thank me!” Patton sent Thomas a smile that was marred by the tear tracks on his cheek, the redness of his eyes, and--Thomas suddenly realized--the cat hoodie pulled tight around him. He couldn’t remember the last time Patton had worn the hoodie. It must have been when Logan had first given it to him. Right after--

“I’m a part of you,” Patton continued, his voice a softer version of his usual chipper one. “I want to help you, no matter what.”

Thomas leaned further into the couch and pressed on his eyes to stop the tears. Was he really so pathetic to cry over a part of himself wanting to help him? It was Patton’s job. It didn’t mean that Thomas was a good person, it didn’t mean anything, it just meant that his morality didn’t want him panicking in front of a documentary about flamingos.

“Here,” Patton said, and Thomas almost jumped. Patton had reappeared next to the couch. He handed Thomas a glass of water. Thomas tried not to drop it. When he took a sip, he realized his mouth was dry.

“You can sit down,” Thomas offered, after a few seconds of Patton silently standing nearby.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to--” The microwave dinged behind them, and Patton looked relieved. “Be back in a hop, skip, and a jump, kiddo!”

Thomas laughed a bit and continued drinking the water. Soon, Patton placed a warm plate of pizza on the couch next to Thomas. Thomas picked up a slice and caught the melting cheese with his tongue. It was perfectly cooked.

“Thanks,” Thomas said, for the third or fourth time. “This is great, Pat.”

“Aw, shucks, kiddo!” Patton looked proud of himself. “It’s just microwave pizza. And I think we know who’s the better cook--”

Thomas smiled and rolled his eyes. “I know, I know, spare me the lecture.”

For a second, Patton looked ashamed. Then he brushed off his shirt and looked around the room again. “Anything else I can get you, Thomas?”

Thomas inhaled the rest of the pizza slice before responding. Patton looked uncomfortable. Not like he didn’t want to be there--or at least, Thomas hoped not--but like he didn’t know what to do, now that the threat had subsided. Patton shifted from foot to foot, pulled at the sleeves of his hoodie, and had been crying. He’d been upset. He’d helped Thomas anyway. Thomas had the feeling he wasn’t supposed to let this slide. That wasn’t what good people did.

Or maybe it was. Thomas wasn’t sure. He’d ask Patton, but Patton didn’t need another thing on his plate.

Thomas balanced the plate of pizza in one hand and let his tired, impulsive brain take over. “Sit with me?”

Patton looked surprised for a second, then strangely hesitant. “That’s what you want?”

“Of course.” Thomas nodded to the couch cushion next to him. “It wouldn’t be a party without my good old pop star, would it?”

“Yeah.” Patton nodded rapidly, as if trying to convince himself, and then sat tentatively on the couch. He balanced on the edge of it. Like he wanted a quick escape.

“You don’t have to,” Thomas said weakly, doubling back, like he always did. “You--you don’t have to do any of this, if it’s just to be nice.”

Patton smiled a bit. “Just to be nice? What’s just about that?”

“You don’t--” Thomas swallowed and tried to sort through the emotions in his chest. He still felt seconds from crying. Was that Patton’s influence? Virgil’s? Or should Thomas stop blaming his own failures on everyone else? “You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to, Pat. You don’t have to--go out of your way to help someone, not if it makes you feel bad.”

“But you aren’t someone,” Patton said. “You’re Thomas. You’re my Thomas, and I’m your good old dad.”

Thomas opened his mouth and closed it again. He didn’t know how to explain that Patton wasn’t obligated to be nice to him. He didn’t know how to say that he wasn’t the priority. He didn’t need to be. He could survive with parts of himself hating him--he was pretty sure a few already did.

“I’m your Morality,” Patton said quietly. “And--I know, I know I’ve messed up, I’ve messed things up so much--but please. This is what I can still do for you. This is what I know isn’t--isn’t hurting you.” Patton paused, and Thomas could hear that he was approaching tears, too. “Please let me help you. Please let me have this.”

Thomas bit off the end of a slice of pizza. Then he shoved the plate towards Patton. Patton looked down, took a slice, and nibbled at it. For a while, there was silence.

“Was it you?” Thomas finally asked, hating himself for it. “Did you get--upset? Is that why I--or was it Virgil?”

Patton sighed. “That’s a complicated question, kiddo.”

Thomas decided not to push it. If Patton wanted to talk, he would.

“We’re all parts of you,” Patton finally said. His voice was shaky, but kind, reminding Thomas of kindergarten teachers talking him through his ABCs. His teachers were lovely to him. But Thomas was only their student, and it was only their job. “We all affect what you do, in different degrees, but we also affect each other. We discuss, we collaborate, we--argue. If you combined all of us into one being, it would be you in a way, but it wouldn’t have the same interactions inside? Does that make sense?” Patton groaned. “Ugh, Logan’s such a better teacher.”

“I think I get it,” Thomas said, looking down at the pizza. “The whole is more than the sum of its parts?”

“Yeah!” Patton nodded. “We all work off each other, even when we don’t realize it. So--anything you go through, it’s not because of one of us. Maybe it started from a single side, but nothing’s isolated. Everything goes through all of us.”

“So...you all got upset?” Thomas asked. “Or was it mainly someone, or--”

“It’s complicated.” Patton swallowed. “Janus didn’t have a hand in it, I don’t think, despite all the ones he has. Roman is very excited about Nico, as is Remus, and I doubt they contributed too much.”

Thomas thought about Roman’s face as he watched Nico leave. Another chance at happiness squandered. “I’m not sure about that.”

Patton sunk into himself a bit. “Virgil--he probably added to the attack when it happened, but he didn’t cause it. He’s too happy about Nico.”

“So…” Thomas let the word hang in the air for a while. “Pat--”

“I’m fine,” Patton said.

Thomas raised an eyebrow.

“I am!” Patton protested. His voice cracked in the middle of the sentence. He didn’t seem to be even trying to hide it. “It--it wasn’t just me, it was--”

“You’re my emotions,” Thomas said. “If it wasn’t Virgil, it--”

“It’s more complicated than that.” True as that might be, Patton’s thin voice said otherwise. “I wouldn’t have done that. Everything’s fine. I know everything’s fine. I wouldn’t have made a fuss over nothing!”

Thomas tried to read between the lines. It was easy. Patton, in the end, was just a piece of Thomas--just a volatile, searing mass of emotions in his chest. “But if someone told you things weren’t fine--”

Patton didn’t say anything.

“Or someone…” Thomas swallowed. “Someone tried to convince you that things were.”

“Like I said,” Patton whispered. “It’s complicated.”

Thomas tipped his head back to stare at the ceiling. He could barely make it out in the darkness, save for the small pools of light from the lamps around the room. Was that a crack? Maybe so. He didn’t really know anything about ceilings, so he’d have to ask someone else.

“What do we want to do?” Thomas asked the ceiling, and Patton, and everyone else who had decided this was a mess they didn’t want to touch.

“I don’t know,” Patton said. “What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know.” Thomas tried to think of what they should do. “I’m asking you. What should we be doing?”

“That’s a different question,” Patton pointed out. “And you really shouldn’t ask me for advice.”

Thomas covered his eyes with his hand. “I just want to know what to do next, Patton!”

“Why do we have to do anything?” Patton asked bracingly. “Relax. Watch TV. Get some sleep. You had a rough night, kiddo.”

“So did you!” Thomas snapped. “Why is everything always about me?”

A few beats of silence, just enough for Thomas to decide he was a terrible person and should dig a hole to hide in. Patton shifted, and Thomas saw he was running his hands across the hoodie again. Did it make him feel better to wear it? Did it remind him of Logan?

“Janus says it’s okay for stuff to be about you,” Patton said, sounding woefully unconvincing. “He says it’s fine for you to focus on yourself.”

“Janus also said you didn’t exist,” Thomas fired back. “He’s not my go-to person for trustworthy advice.”

The moment the words left his lips, Thomas regretted them.

“Janus is trying,” Patton said, a bit more convincingly. “And you shouldn’t--”

“I know!” Thomas tried to hold back his tears again. “I know I shouldn’t. There’s a million things I shouldn’t do, not least that I shouldn’t be upset right now.”

Patton sucked in a breath. “It’s okay to be upset.”

“Don’t you hate lying?”

“It’s okay,” Patton said, and he sounded so much like a kicked puppy that Thomas somehow managed to feel even worse. “It--it is, Janus says so, and Virgil, and Lo-Logan--”

“And they’re right,” said Thomas wearily. “They’re right.”

“But you said--”

“Don’t listen to me,” Thomas said. “I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Patton was quiet again. Thomas wondered what it would take to get Patton to leave. He could probably ask and Patton would go. He could just ask. Patton never argued.

Thomas didn’t want Patton to leave. But he didn’t want to pretend that things were alright. And he didn’t want to make Patton feel bad, he didn’t want to feel bad--he knew a million things he didn’t want, a million things he shouldn’t want, and he couldn’t find a single thing that he did.

“We should talk about it,” Thomas said. “About what happened tonight, and--about everything, you know?”

“We should,” Patton agreed. He sounded miserable but resigned. “We can’t put it off.”

“It’s the right thing to do.” Thomas made up for his lack of confidence with a confident wave of his pizza slice. “We need to talk this out. We don’t want it happening again.”

Patton nodded.

“So...what happened?”

Patton immediately stopped nodding.

“You said someone upset you,” Thomas continued. “Well, you didn’t say, but...someone did, right?”

“He didn’t mean to.” Patton’s voice was almost desperate. “He tried to help--and he’s right, there wasn’t any reason to be upset, I just overreacted--”

“Who?” Thomas asked.

Patton worried his lip between his teeth and said nothing.

Thomas looked at the TV, playing the nature channel, because he wanted to calm himself down, because it didn’t make sense to be upset.

“Oh.” Thomas almost winced. “Logan said something, didn’t he?”

Patton’s silence said enough.

“Of course,” Thomas said, trying to sound less bitter than he felt. “Of course he said something.”

“He can’t help it,” Patton said weakly. “He doesn’t get this stuff. Not really.”

“He does more than he lets himself.”

“He doesn’t want to get this stuff.” Patton sighed. “And like I said, he didn’t mean it, and he did try to calm me down--”

Thomas raised his eyebrows. “By saying you shouldn’t even be upset?”

“I think he might have panicked a bit.” Patton giggled sheepishly. “I was crying and he didn’t really expect that.”

“Yeah.” Thomas didn’t even feel surprised. Logan was the smartest dude he knew, but he could be really stupid sometimes. “Have you talked it through with him?”

“No.” Patton poked at the remaining slices of pizza but didn’t pick one up. “I got really upset, and maybe I’d been upset for a while, and this was just what set it off, I guess? And then he got upset but he wouldn’t admit it, and then I felt you start panicking, so I had to go help you.”

Thomas frowned. “You didn’t have to do anything.”

“I wanted to.”

Thomas let out a long breath. “Okay.”

“We’ll talk it through later,” Patton said. “Sometimes the kiddos need time.”

Thomas opened his mouth to snap about the amount of time they spent just waiting for someone to say something. Then he closed it. Then he opened it again, and the words that came out weren’t what he expected. “Is Logan okay?”

Patton blinked. “I--no, I don’t think so. He’s…”

Thomas motioned for Patton to continue.

“He was a bit annoyed when he found out about Nico,” Patton finished, seeming almost apologetic. Like Patton had a responsibility to keep anyone else from being upset. “I don’t think he really liked the idea of a--boyfriend.”

“Oh,” Thomas said.

“He’ll come around,” Patton quickly added. “He just needs time to adjust.”

“You keep saying that.” Thomas curled further into the couch and picked at a pizza crust. “If giving you all more time means this is going to keep happening, I’m not really sold.”

“I’m sorry,” Patton said quietly. “I really didn’t mean to.”

“That’s not what I--” Thomas groaned and tossed the crust onto the plate. “This is a huge mess, and honestly, I can’t see how this could possibly get worse. I feel like crap. A whole stick of crap, inside and out. And if finding out Logan’s deal will make me feel a bit less like crying, I’d rather get that over with.”

Patton watched him closely. The TV lights flashed off his glasses. “That makes sense. But I’m not sure if he wants that, kiddo.”

“Who cares what Logan wants?” Thomas was probably being a bit uncharitable, but he was too tired and emotional to care. “You said it yourself, he’s a part of me, he’s supposed to help. I’m not gonna have my logic griping about Nico all night, okay? I’m already stressed enough.”

“Yeah, well, he’s kind of the reason you’re stressed,” Patton argued, “which I just realized proves your point. Okay. If he wants, he can talk to you.”

“Thank you.” Finally, a side that actually listened to Thomas occasionally. “Logan?”

The house was silent.

“He might be asleep,” Patton said. “He’s very rigid in his sleep schedule.”

“Is that why I don’t have coherent thoughts past ten pm?”

Patton nodded. “Also, sleep deprivation.”

“It’s not that bad, I’m not up that late.” Thomas sighed. “Logan? Logan, are you gonna come out and talk, or will we just sit on the couch all night with no closure?”

“You don’t have to,” Patton added unhelpfully. Thomas glared at him. “What? He doesn’t!”

“Fine, fine, he doesn’t have to,” Thomas complained. “He can feel free to make you and me upset and then leave us hanging, without an explanation of why he doesn’t like Nico--I mean, how could anyone not like Nico?”

“I don’t think it’s about Nico specifically,” Patton said, as if that was supposed to explain things. “And if he’s not going to talk, we can’t push him.”

Thomas groaned and looked for a blanket to hide in. What was the point of having imaginary aspects of his personality, if he couldn’t actually talk to them when he wanted to? What was the problem--there was no logical reason to be upset, but Logan had made Patton upset, it didn’t make any sense--

“Logan?” Thomas called once more, feeling stupid to be yelling at an empty living room. “We could really use you, buddy.”

When there was no answer, Thomas sighed and sank back into the couch. He glanced over at Patton, who was pointedly watching the TV instead of Thomas--the nature channel was now talking about parakeets--and then the shadows seemed to shift at the other end of the couch.

“Um,” Thomas said, unable to see what exactly had happened.

Patton looked where Thomas was looking, made a soft oh noise, and turned on another light.

“What do you want?” Logan asked.

With the addition of the light, Thomas could vaguely make him out, but he was even more shadowy than Patton. His knees were tucked to his chest and a blanket covered him. He looked like he’d fallen asleep on the couch, just gotten shaken awake, and was irritated about it. His hair was mussed in the back.

“We wanted to talk,” Thomas said, when it became clear that Patton was just going to sit awkwardly between them and not say anything.

“About what?” Logan’s voice was quiet and a bit rough. Maybe from sleep, maybe from yelling, maybe from crying. “Be more specific, Thomas.”

“Logan,” Patton said, barely above a whisper.

“What?”

Patton didn’t respond. Thomas was already regretting this. Should they really try to talk things out while tired, grumpy, and piled on the couch watching nature documentaries?

“It wasn’t my fault what happened,” Logan said defensively, as if Thomas had interrogated him. “I simply pointed out logical facts, I don’t control anyone’s emotional reaction--”

Yeah, this was definitely a bad idea, if it was already going this far south. “Hey,” Thomas said before Logan could dig that hole deeper. “Calm down. Nobody’s accusing you of anything.”

“Do you want me to apologize?” Logan asked.

Thomas blinked at the question. “Uh--do you want to?”

Logan made a noncommittal noise.

“Well, if you don’t have anything against it, I think you probably should.” Thomas motioned to Patton, who squeaked at being included. “You made him really upset, and I know you didn’t mean to, but that warrants an apology.”

“Hm.” Logan adjusted his glasses and sighed. “As you say. Patton, I--I said something that I didn’t realize was upsetting. Because it was a fact that you should be considering, but I am still responsible for my actions alone. So...I apologize.”

“Aw, Lo, I forgive you!” Patton seemed to brighten right away. “It’s okay, really! I know you didn’t mean it!”

“What did he say?” Thomas asked. “What’d you say, Logan?”

They both went very quiet.

“C’mon, do I have to try random bits of my internal monologue to see what it was?” Thomas sighed. “Look, whatever it was, I want to see what I can do to help you out. If you’re upset--”

“I’m not upset--”

“I want to help.” Thomas looked across the couch to Logan. “Let me help, okay?”

Logan sighed in annoyance and defeat.

“You don’t like Nico,” Thomas prompted, as Patton hopped up and went to the kitchen. Thomas didn’t know what Patton was supposed to be doing, since he was just opening and closing the fridge, but he decided to let the guy have his escape route. “Why don’t you like Nico?”

“I don’t like anyone,” Logan said. “That’s not my area of expertise.”

“So you don’t like Nico?”

“I don’t have an opinion on him.”

“Clearly you do,” Thomas said, biting back his defense of Nico. He could argue about how amazing and incredible Nico was, or he could get to the bottom of this without panicking again. “I just want to hear what you have to say, Logan.”

Logan blinked. Thomas wondered, briefly and guiltily, when he’d last said that.

“Nico is fine,” Logan said firmly. “He’s--fine.”

“I figured you’d like him,” Thomas said. He didn’t know what he was trying to do--convince Logan? Convince himself? “He’s--he’s a poet. You like poetry, right?”

There was a long pause. “Poetry is an effective way to convey ideas through a rhythmic and minimal structure.”

Thomas didn’t know how to take that. “Nico’s a good poet.”

Logan let out a breath and curled into his blanket. When Thomas looked closely, he thought he saw purple on it. Had it been a gift from Virgil? Why did that make him feel so crappy?

“You like Nico,” Logan said. He somehow managed to phrase it as a question.

“Yeah,” Thomas said.

“You’ve known him for a day.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t like him!” Thomas said. “Love at first sight, Logan. Believe in it.”

Logan stared at him with disappointment. “No.”

“Fine, not love.” Thomas slumped. “But he’s so cute! And sweet! And smart, and funny, and--”

“I know.” Logan rolled his eyes. “Ugh.”

“I get it, you’re heartless, you don’t believe in love.” Thomas sighed. “I--I just thought you could be--happy for me?”

Logan opened his mouth and closed it. Behind them, Patton bustled around, and Thomas longed for him to return. He couldn’t do this on his own. He couldn’t handle this kind of emotional stuff, which made him sound like Logan.

“I am happy for you,” Logan said quietly. “Er--figuratively. I don’t have feelings. Still...I am--pleased. That you have found someone you feel compatible with. Human connection is important for people.”

Thomas smiled a bit, despite himself.

“And,” Logan added very quickly, “it’s doubtful that the relationship will last so it’s really pointless to object to such a quick fling--”

Patton made a wounded noise from the kitchen. Logan immediately stopped talking.

“Pointless?” Thomas repeated.

Logan pointedly began staring at the floor.

Thomas couldn’t keep the hurt from slipping into his voice. “Is that really what you think?”

“I--” Logan swallowed. “I don’t mean any harm by it, but--”

“Just--” Thomas braced himself. “Say what’s on your mind.”

Logan was silent for several moments. Thomas didn’t say anything. He shoved his hurt feelings as far down as he could, because this wasn’t about him right now. Logan was upset.

And--if Logan was upset about Nico, if Logic didn’t approve--

Thomas didn’t really want to think about that.

“It’s an outdated statistic,” Logan said, “that half of all marriages end in divorce.” He spoke slowly, quietly, way too quietly, and Thomas knew that he’d been the one to lessen Logan’s voice. Spare you my company. “However, the odds remain that relationships you pursue are--unlikely to come to fruition. Either you talk until marriage and/or copulation, living the rest of your lives together, or you separate.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s pointless,” Thomas said. “What, is life pointless because we die in the end?”

Logan paused for a second. “I don’t think so. Unless--”

“No, no, no existential crises tonight, I’m already having a breakdown.” Thomas waved his hands. “We’re gonna assume that my life does have value, okay? And we’re gonna assume that even if Nico and I--break up, which is unlikely--”

“Unlikely,” Logan repeated.

“It is unlikely,” Thomas said, deciding to dig his hole deeper. “He’s so cute!”

“You’re in the infatuation phase,” Logan said, almost pityingly. “You can’t possibly predict anything right now--”

“We get along,” Thomas said. “We barely argued! We have similar interests, he loves Paramore and Disney movies and cartoons--he thinks it’s cool that I sing, and he’s supportive of my career, and--”

“You’ve known him for one day.”

“He’s perfect!” Thomas paused. “Not--not perfect, he can’t be perfect, but he’s--really close! He doesn’t have any flaws, not that I know of.”

“Are you hearing yourself?” Logan sighed. “Thomas, I understand that you are filled with emotions about this subject, but as your Logic it’s my duty to rain a bit on your figurative parade. You don’t know this man. You have met him only once, and you know him on nothing more than a superficial level.”

“He’s not a murderer!” Thomas said. “I can tell when someone’s a good person--”

“One, can you?” Logan asked. “Your judgments on morality are often--”

“Flawed,” Patton agreed from the kitchen. Both of them turned to look at him. “I’m not the best at this, kiddo. Nico seems like a good guy, but--” He leaned onto the counter. “I just don’t know.”

Thomas swallowed. He hadn’t expected Patton to take Logan’s side. “Virgil would--”

“Virgil is infatuated, just like you are.” Logan sighed. “I’m not saying Nico is secretly evil. I’m saying you might not be as compatible as you feel you are.”

“We--” Thomas could think of a million answers. But--did he trust himself to know? Did he trust himself to be in the right?

“What if he’s still working through a breakup, and you’re a rebound?” Logan suggested. “What if he doesn’t have a stable career, and has to rely on you? What if you have different financial priorities, or priorities for intimacy? What if you need to change your own career in order to be with him? What if your love languages don’t intersect, or one of you cheats--”

“I wouldn’t cheat!” Thomas protested.

“What if it doesn’t work out?” Logan argued back without missing a beat. “You’re two adults. You have a million small, intricate parts of yourself and your life that you’ll need to fit together. It’s impossible for every aspect of your relationship to be perfect, and it’s unreasonable to expect that a man you met one day ago will be the man of your dreams.”

“We’ll communicate!” Thomas said. “We’ll--I want this, Logan. Are you telling me I can’t try?”

“I’m saying you need to consider every option, before you barrel into a situation you can’t control.” Logan spread his hands. “What if he hurts you? What if you hurt him? What if you aren’t ready for this, and by dragging him into a relationship, you’re only making the situation worse?”

Thomas tried to laugh and ignore the sting in his eyes. “Isn’t it Virgil’s job to overthink?”

Logan leaned back into the couch again. “I’m not trying to overthink. I’m trying to raise logical points.”

“Are you?” Thomas asked. “Dude, like you said, it’s been a day. I can’t control all these things that will happen in the future! I don’t need to worry about whether we’ll move in together, right?”

“Right,” Logan said reluctantly.

“Is...that what you said to Patton?” Thomas murmured. “Did you tell him--”

“That it wouldn’t work out.” Patton’s voice wavered. He was staring out the kitchen window into the dark backyard. “That we needed to--think this through. And, maybe...not go on the date.”

“Not--” Thomas looked between Patton, whose knuckles were white on the counter, to Logan, who looked ashamed. “Not go on the date?”

“If we go on the date, we’re agreeing to try this.” Logan sounded like he regretted each word that came out of his mouth. “If we go on the date, this is confirmed. He’s our boyfriend.”

“Yeah?” Thomas couldn’t help the way anxiety pitched his voice. “That’s the point?”

“Are we ready for that?”

Both Logan and Patton had spoken at once. Thomas felt like he’d been punched.

“You...you don’t think I’m ready,” Thomas said dully. “Do you.”

“I want to.” That was Patton, finally joining them again, sitting next to the TV and pulling his knees to his chest. “I really want to, kiddo. Nico is so nice, and sweet, and good--”

Something sour rose in Thomas’ mouth. “And--”

“And Logan has a point.” Patton rubbed circles into his pajama pants. “I’m not sure if we are ready for this.”

Thomas sighed and curled into his own little ball on the other end of the couch. Look at him, nearly crying with several aspects of his personality, way too late at night, as the TV told him about chameleons. Chameleons could disappear into trees with a change of their colors. Thomas wished he could do the same into the couch. Or on his date with Nico--he could change into exactly who the relationship would need him to be.

That was what relationships were about, right? Compromise?

Maybe people who cried over chameleons really weren’t relationship material.

“Why weren’t you there at the mall?” Thomas asked Patton, after a few minutes of silence. “I’d have figured that you’d want to help, being the heart and all.”

“Roman...seemed like he needed some time,” Patton said. “Without me.”

Thomas nodded.

“And, well, I was there, in a way! The whole time!” Patton shrugged. “You spoke from the heart, right? That was me!”

Thomas paused. “‘I don’t know when I’m going to know what I want again?’”

Patton looked down. “That was me.”

“I know what I want.” Thomas wondered if he could convince himself by saying it. That sounded like lying. But lying was good now, right? Or not? Maybe? Maybe he could summon Janus if he lied enough, and Janus could handle all of this. “I want to give Nico a try.”

“Roman does,” Logan said. “And Virgil does. And I don’t, and I don’t think Janus has an opinion--”

“He’s neutral,” Patton agreed. “And I’m--in the middle.”

“So only half of me wants to give Nico a try,” Thomas said. “Wonderful. It’d be really cool if, one day, my entire self decided to agree on something.”

Logan made an affirmative noise. Patton sighed.

“We didn’t have this much of a debate with my last boyfriend, did we?” Thomas blurted out. “We just went for it. And that turned out--”

“How did it turn out?” Logan asked, with a touch of something in his voice. Maybe it was anger. What was Logan angry about? “Tell me how it turned out.”

Thomas opened his mouth and the words stuck in his throat.

“We broke up,” Patton whispered, pulling at the sleeves of his cardigan. He looked uncomfortable sitting on the floor, but Thomas didn’t know how to invite him back to the sofa without forcing him into it. “We broke up with him, and it hurt.”

Thomas gave Patton a soft look. Patton didn’t seem to notice.

“It hurt, and it sucked,” Patton continued, the words coming faster and faster. “It was no fun. And I have all these good memories of him, of course I do, but--but it’s not the same, if they’re all tainted by the fact that he left. Was that--was that worth it? Good memories and a bad ending?”

The TV hummed. Logan mouthed along to the narration. An elephant was getting separated from its herd. It tried to follow the footprints of its mother, but it was going in the wrong direction, heading farther and farther into the desert.

“We don’t know that it’ll go the same way,” Thomas said weakly. “This is all speculation.”

“Fine, then, I’ll work from real data.” Logan gave Patton a look, but Patton didn’t stop him. “Thomas, you have just learned that you possess “dark sides” of your personality, that you don’t understand yourself and are doubtful of your career path, and that you’re not as much of a “good person” as you think you are. You suffer from anxiety and self-esteem issues, you have a tendency to catastrophize, and you have intrusive thoughts.”

Thomas raised a hand to object. Logan waved his hand back down.

“None of this means you are incapable of a healthy and fulfilling relationship,” Logan continued. “It certainly doesn’t mean you are ‘unlovable.’ However, it’s important to note that you are not in a good mental state right now. A relationship doesn’t fix that. Instead, it can lead to more issues.”

“My mental state is fine,” Thomas said. He didn’t even know why he bothered to say that.

Logan waved a hand at the living room, and the half-eaten pizza on the couch, and Patton sitting next to the TV as a voice droned on about wolf packs.

“It’s a trash bin,” Patton murmured. “And the waste keeps piling and piling up, until it inevitably--spills out into the rest of their life.” He looked up, his eyes sparkling with tears. “If--when that happens--do we want Nico to be a part of our life? Do we want to--”

“Ruin things for him,” Thomas finished. He felt resigned, worn out. Like this was the only way the conversation could have ended. “Because he’s--he’s so nice, and sweet, and--and good. And I’m...not.”

Patton muffled a sob.

“And I thought, maybe, he could turn things around.” Thomas rubbed at his arm. “I thought this could be the moment I got my life back on track. But--what if the train’s still barrelling down on us? Do I want to sacrifice his happiness for mine? Is that fair to him?”

Logan glanced between Thomas and Patton.

“Does he deserve me?” Thomas almost whispered. “Do I deserve him?”

The TV switched to an episode about seahorses. Abruptly, Logan grabbed the remote and turned it off. The sudden silence made Thomas itch. He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, and tried to take deep breaths, tried not to panic. Was he panicking? He couldn’t tell. He felt crappy, he felt unmoored, he felt like he was asleep and wide awake and floating somewhere outside his body. He was just another Side of himself, another small voice in his head, not a real person at all. Maybe he should go to bed. He’d see things clearly when he woke up.

Maybe not. Maybe he didn’t know. Maybe he could barely remember how things were supposed to feel. He was wrong a lot. He was always wrong. How did he know what was right? How could he count on a single thing? He didn’t even know what he wanted. He didn’t even know who he was.

He couldn’t keep himself safe. He couldn’t follow his dreams. He couldn’t do the right thing. He couldn’t lie.

And he didn’t know anything.

And he was about to throw himself into a situation where he knew even less.

Was that the right thing to do?

Was that really what he wanted?

“Thomas,” Logan said. “You’re spiraling.”

“You’re the one making me spiral!” Thomas blurted out. When he looked at Logan, his vision was blurry. “We’re all spiraling, so stop pretending you’re above us! Stop giving us your oh-so-logical criticism and getting annoyed when it makes people upset!”

Logan huffed. “Well, why am I here if you don’t want to listen to me?”

“Stop!” Patton yelled. “Stop, both of you! Stop talking! If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all!”

Logan folded his arms. Thomas pressed his eyes shut until he could see sparks behind them. Keep breathing. Keep breathing.

Ask for--help? Ask for help. He wasn’t good at this.

“What…” Thomas’ voice trailed off. He steeled himself and tried again. “What do I do?”

“Right now?” Logan asked. “Or--”

“With--Nico.” Thomas let the words hang in the air. “What do I do now?”

Patton shifted next to the TV. “What do you want to do?”

“I’m asking you guys!” Thomas opened his eyes and looked around frantically. “I’m asking for you guys to help!”

“We’re parts of you.” Logan still blended into the couch. He didn’t move much, Thomas realized, when he didn’t want to. Did he breathe? Did he need to breathe before he talked, or did he just start talking abruptly, without the need to pause? “We don’t have any answers that you don’t have.”

“And--” Patton worried his bottom lip. “Thomas, you’re the best of us. You’re all of us together. You have the final say on anything, and you always will.”

“But I don’t know what to do!” Thomas burst out. “I don’t know what to say! I don’t--I have to drag you into every little dilemma because I don’t know how to figure things out on my own! And it’s stupid, and it’s selfish, and I can’t rely on you to solve all my problems, but--but I know you guys. I know who you are. What you want. I...I don’t know myself, guys, I really don’t.”

Logan made a sudden movement, and Thomas deliriously thought Logan was trying to reach for his hand. As quick as he started, though, Logan froze again, and pulled himself further away.

“I don’t know what I want,” Thomas said, the darkness spinning around him. “I don’t know who I want to be. I don’t know what’s good or what’s bad or what’s not--and I’ve got a cute boy who wants to take me out on a date, and I’m sitting here crying because--because--because I’m scared.”

Patton sucked in a breath.

“I’m scared,” Thomas realized. “I’m scared, aren’t I?”

“Elaborate upon those feelings,” Logan encouraged. “Why are you scared?”

“I--I’m scared--” Thomas stared at his hands. He’d shaken hands with Nico, and he’d wished he didn’t have to let go. “I’m scared of change. That’s always it, you know?” He laughed a bit. “I’m scared of--new possibilities. I know I have to take risks to dream big, but sometimes the risks seem outweigh the rewards. Sometimes it feels easier to avoid luxuries. Sometimes it’s--scary, to confront something I don’t know.”

Logan tugged his blanket tighter around his shoulders.

“I’m excited,” Thomas said. “I should be excited, but I’m terrified, because there are so many chances for me to mess this up. I’ve already got so much on my plate. Do I really want to drag someone else into this? Do I really want to--watch him walk away?”

Patton looked up.

“Yeah, maybe I’m not as selfless as I thought.” Thomas laughed again. It sounded more like a sob. “Maybe I just don’t want to get something and lose it again. Maybe I’m tired of wanting things, if I never get what I want.”

“You’re allowed to want things,” Patton said softly.

“You don’t believe that, do you?”

“No,” Patton admitted. “But I want to believe it. I really, really do.”

“And that’s the first step,” Logan said. “Isn’t it? Patton thinking that Thomas should be more selfless doesn’t erase the fact that he chose to say otherwise. Thoughts don’t equal actions. You can feel doubts about this, but that doesn’t have to affect the way you proceed.”

“Doesn’t it?” Thomas waved a hand at the ceiling. “It feels like I’m just strung along by my thoughts willy-nilly. You guys argue, and I get shoved around the food court and into the trash can.”

“Barring that--unorthodox example, I see your point.” Logan adjusted his glasses. The chance to explain something seemed to cheer him up a bit. “It is hard to separate thoughts from actions. However, it can be done. Think of it this way. When we convene to help you with an issue, we represent your thoughts. We give you different opinions based on our own goals, perspectives, and priorities.”

“And it’s loud,” Thomas said.

“And it’s loud,” Logan agreed. “It’s also a process. You listen to your thoughts, debate with them, and come to a conclusion. Yes, you can be influenced heavily by your thoughts, but the one who controls your actions is you.”

“That’s what makes you special,” Patton said, sounding like he was finally understanding. “We’re imaginary. We can’t affect the real world. But you can.”

“You make your own choices,” Logan said. “That’s what makes you your own person.”

Thomas swallowed. “Motivational speech, huh? What happened to ‘Nico is a terrible idea’?”

Logan winced. “I...still do think that, unfortunately.”

“Logan,” Patton said in a warning tone.

“But! But.” Logan sighed. “What you said about not knowing--about fearing the unknown--a lot of that is me.”

Thomas’ eyes widened.

“I’m the part of you that doesn’t want to take risks. I’m the part of you that wants to--to play it safe, because we only get one life.” Logan waved a hand. “If Virgil is the alarm clock that keeps you on your toes, I’m the person who sets the alarm clock. That means I don’t always understand the risks that you take, or the things that you do, and sometimes that’s...isolating. It feels--it seems like I’m unable to connect with you.”

“You do alright, Logan.” Thomas shook his head. “Better than alright. You keep my head on my shoulders, and I can always count on you. You’re better at this than you think.”

“I hope so,” Logan said.

“I know so.” Patton’s voice was firm. “You’re a great kiddo. You always make me feel better--well, not always, but you’re trying! You’re working on it!”

“Thank you,” Logan said, and sounded like he meant it. Patton smiled back.

“So what are you saying?” Thomas prompted.

“That...this is an area that I do not understand.” Logan twisted his fingers together. “Perhaps I felt--powerless, when you began to put such stock in your emotions. I could not help but focus on the negatives of the situation, in order to figuratively shove logic back into the conversation. But--there are conversations I’m not meant to be a part of.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Thomas said. “You just said you focused on the negatives--and you did raise some good points, ones I’m gonna have to think about! But if you focus on the positives, well, you could still contribute some interesting things. Right?”

Logan’s gaze flickered over to Thomas. Thomas gave him a smile.

“You are thirty-one years old,” Logan said. “The average lifespan of a male in the United States is about seventy-five years.”

“Great, way to give me a mid-life crisis,” Thomas teased.

“I’m attempting to say that you have time.” Logan spread his hands. “You have been away from college for less than ten years. Your personal identity is still changing, and there is still time for it to change.”

Was there?

“Yes,” Logan argued, looking more and more determined. “You don’t know everything this instant. However, nobody else does, either. What would be the point of scientific discovery if everyone knew the answers before they asked the questions? Life is about evolution. You have time to learn more about yourself.”

“But I’ve wasted so much time!” Thomas protested, and he almost felt like Logan, like Thomas was echoing everything Logan had ever told him. “I need to figure some stuff out, I can’t just stumble blindly through my life--”

“Except you haven’t,” Logan said. “What have you done with your life? You graduated college with a degree. You wanted to be a comedian, an internet personality, and you managed that. You wanted to be an actor, and you managed that. You’ve written a musical, you’ve befriended many talented people, you’ve discovered that you’re gay. I would hardly call that ‘stumbling blindly.’ You’re simply doing your best with the resources provided to you.”

Thomas let out a breath. “And your point is?”

“My point is that you don’t have much to lose,” Logan said. “This seems like an immediate dilemma in the moment. However, you don’t need to think through every possible option.” Logan squared his shoulders. “I don’t know what you should do. Neither do you. That’s--okay.”

Thomas found himself beginning to smile.

“That is okay, right?” Logan immediately looked at Patton. “I’m not completely off the mark, am I?”

“You did good,” Patton said.

Logan let out a breath.

“And you’re right.” Patton laughed. “Again! You’re right, again.” His face fell. “I--I don’t know what I want right now. But there’s time to figure that out. It’s not the end of anything, and you have a lot of choices to make. A lot of...chances.”

“A lot of choices,” Thomas echoed. “I guess it was kind of silly to think of it as ‘break up immediately or stay together forever.’ I’ve only known Nico for a day!”

Logan nodded. “In the future, you can make whatever choice works for you.”

“And we’ll be with you, kiddo.” Patton smiled. “Every step of the way.”

Thomas let out a long breath and the darkness settled around him. He was in his living room. He knew this house like the back of his hand. He was fine, he was safe, and it would be morning eventually.

“Thanks,” Thomas said, running a hand through his hair. “Thanks, guys. Seriously.”

“You’re welcome,” Logan said. “It’s our job.”

“And our pleasure,” Patton corrected. “We’re happy to help.”

“I am not happy.” Logan paused and reluctantly inclined his head. “Still, Patton is correct. I--find it enjoyable when I can assist.”

“You both did great.” Thomas laughed. “I’m sorry for keeping you up with all this, I really shouldn’t have overthought it as much as I did.”

“We caused the overthinking,” Logan pointed out.

“We did,” Patton admitted. He shifted a bit and looked up, wiping his eyes. “I--I’m scared too, Thomas. I don’t want to...end up heartbroken again.”

“Yeah,” Thomas said.

“But I think it might be worth it.” Patton balled his hands. “Those memories might hurt to look back on now, but they were nice while they happened, and they made us feel happy! The bad parts don’t necessarily erase the good parts. Nico is a good thing. A relationship with Nico, however it ends up, could be a good thing. You’re allowed--” Patton swallowed. “You’re allowed to want to be happy.”

Thomas fought back tears. “And--if it doesn’t work out?”

“We’ll live,” Patton said simply. “We did before, and we will again.”

“Okay.” Thomas’ voice came out like a croak, and he covered his face. “Okay, fine, just--just give me a second. Turns out I really needed to hear that.”

A warm hand hesitantly touched his shoulder. Thomas peeked between his hands to see Logan awkwardly patting his shoulder. Thomas gave him a watery smile.

“We can do this,” Patton said, sounding close to crying himself. “We’re allowed to want. It--it was never that we didn’t know, it was that we didn’t let ourselves, wasn’t it?”

“I want so much,” Thomas forced out. “I want to go on a date with Nico, I want my Sides to get along, I want to be famous and I want to be good and I want to know what I’m doing and I want--”

“It’s okay,” Logan said, barely above a whisper. “Breathe.”

Thomas breathed. In and out. In and out. He knew he could breathe. He had lungs and a heart and blood pumping through his veins and tears on his eyelashes. He knew that. He didn’t know who he was, but he knew pieces of himself, he knew his logic and his feelings and his dreams. He knew where he was and where he’d been. And he could figure things out from there.

“It’s okay,” Logan said again. “You will be okay.”

He would be okay.

No matter what, they would find a way to be okay.

Thomas wiped his eyes, uncurled his legs, and motioned for Patton to join them on the couch. Patton stood up and slipped between Logan and Thomas, making Logan’s arm fall around Patton’s shoulders. Logan started, but he didn’t remove it, and he let Patton lean into his side.

“Gosh, this was a mess, huh?” Patton giggled and took off his glasses to wipe his eyes again. “It’s already so late in the evening and I’m still such a mess of feelings.”

“We could all use a decompression activity,” Logan said. “May I…”

Thomas smiled. “Sure, buddy, go ahead and watch the nature documentaries.”

“Yes!” Logan looked triumphant. He turned on the TV and found one about birds. “Does this work?”

“Sure,” Thomas said. He paused. “So...what do we do?”

“Tonight?” Logan asked. “Watch TV, relax, and go to sleep.”

“And...tomorrow?”

“That’s tomorrow,” Patton said, punctuated by a yawn. “We’re still in today.”

Thomas smiled a bit. “Focus on tonight, huh?”

“Focus on the choices you can make right now.” Logan watched the TV begin to pan over a rainforest. “Sometimes you’re allowed to ignore your thoughts for a while.”

“Sometimes I’m allowed not to know things yet.” Thomas thought about it. “Thanks, Logan. Patton. I know this--can’t be easy for you guys.”

“It’s not,” Patton admitted. “But we’re working to be good people, right?”

“You’re working to be better,” Thomas corrected. “And you’re both doing amazing.”

Patton smiled. Logan hummed and pulled his blanket across Patton’s legs.

“Tonight we relax,” Thomas said, and smiled. “Yeah. I can work with that. I know we’ll figure stuff out soon.”

“You do?” Patton asked sleepily.

“I’ve got you guys in my corner, how could I not?”

Logan flushed before adjusting his glasses. “Likewise, we have you. As we are parts of you, you’re in your own corner.”

“Confusing,” Thomas remarked. “Let me guess--”

“It’s complicated,” Logan and Patton said.

“Thought so.”

But maybe he didn’t need to understand it. Maybe he didn’t need to know everything. He knew that Logan and Patton, and Roman, and Virgil--and Janus--were on his side. He knew they cared about him. He knew they’d help him be okay.

Maybe that could be all he needed. Maybe he just needed to trust in every part of himself.

Thomas looked down at his chest. Patton had slung an arm across it and was already half-asleep. Logan was intently watching the nature documentary. Somewhere in his head, Virgil and Roman were probably celebrating, or sleeping, if they were smart. Somewhere else, maybe Janus was smiling.

Thomas trusted every piece of himself that he knew.

Maybe he could learn to trust himself, too.

After all, he had enough time to make a million choices.

“Goodnight,” Thomas said as Patton began to snore. Logan murmured a response. “I--I love you guys, okay?”

“Love you too, kiddo,” Patton mumbled.

“I--” Logan breathed out. “I--hold you in the highest regard.”

“Love you too, nerd.” Thomas smiled. “You’re the best.”

He knew that he loved them. He loved every part of himself. And maybe, one day, he could get around to loving himself, too.

He knew that he wanted to. He knew that he wanted. He knew that he had the best possible backup, and a very cute possible boyfriend, and that he could get what he wanted, if he tried.

It was okay. It was fine. Things would figure themselves out.

Right now, Thomas was exactly where he needed to be.

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