#even though logically i know i did my best so everyone is still safe and alive so its fine

[unforseenkiss]

having this weird emotional breakdown where I'm bawling and laughing at same time and I have no idea why ?? like it just feels so ridiculous to be sitting here fucking sobbing for absolutely no reason out of the blue that I have to laugh about it cause wtf ???

[modawg]

it’s so sad to me that nico like never learned how much percy tried to help him yk

like percy literally rounded up his closest friends after being the only one to find out nico was the son of hades and decided to at least try to give nico a chance to live his life when the kid literally just tried to kill him, his sister just died, and through everything percy knows hates his guts - like he took all that info and decided to make a suicide pack with his closest friends in order to protect nico when giving nico the prophecy would’ve been the most logical and honestly understandable thing to do

like genuinely do ppl realise how EASY it would’ve been to just give the prophecy to nico his ONLY living relative (other than hades) just DIED they could’ve been like “listen you take this prophecy give it 6 years you’ll be dead with your sister and literally everyone else you know and you’ll be a hero for it” instead even though percy has an entire life, people who love and care for him, and a future wife infront of him he takes it upon himself to DIE in 3-4 years how fucking BONKERS is that

he also almost abandons a WHOLE OTHER QUEST putting himself and annabeth in danger just bc dumbass nico is out doing god knows what in the labyrinth and ends up getting caught (he was doing smth i’m being dramatic but still)

could you imagine being percy your going to war (and from your perspective you’re going to die in the next week or so after methodically doing everything in your power to keep this other random kid who you think hates you from suffering that fate) that kid comes up to you with a plan so you trust him just do be stabbed in the back bc that kids father wants him to be the prophecy child even tho you’ve been mentally preparing yourself to die for the past like 3 years?? id jump that kid too if he randomly came into my deep dark prison cell trying to break me out and then shun him after all that

like i read the way nico talks abt percy and he just seems bitter all the time he’s like “psh percy and his fake friendship what a dweeb can’t believe i had a crush on THAT guy🙄” like you’d be dead if it wasn’t for his friendship gay boy

i want like 5 years into the future annabeth is sitting with nico one day and is like “lol yeah i remember that one time percy made us all pinky promise to keep you safe and we all thought he was dumb bc you hated him sm but he really just wanted you to have a good life and now look at you!! :)” and nico to slow turn to her “…what”

like to this day i get that nico was mad at percy for not protecting bianca and bc of his internalized homophobia or whatever but why not hate on the actual people who sent her on that quest rather than a random kid you just met who said he’d try WHICH HE ACTUALLY DID DO and not idk literally any adult figure who sent her into the fire to begin with

i just want nico to realise that percy is simply just a boy who literally wanted nothing to do with any of this and was trying his best to free nico of that same burden sigh (;_;)

like those two are the fattest example of a miscommunication held together by misunderstood betrayal

disclaimer this is obv dramatic and the prophecy definitely doesn’t work like that but like think abt it ok

[chanranghaeys]

📉 blunt

“They say keep your friends close…and your enemies closer. So I did.” “But why is it that when I got closer, you seemed less like an enemy…and more of something else?”

pairing: corporate!dino x gn!corporate!reader word count: 2.1k tags: angst, hurt, corporate competition, not friendly competition at all, almost office romance but asshole!dino happened? warnings: taunting, bickering, cursing, nsfw teasing, literal “not safe for work” stuff haha

a/n: this is for all the corporate working guys and gals out there. inspired by this video from the gose mag vol 2 shoot and a short twt convo that ensued with my moots and i hskdjfh

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ masterlist . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

“Thank you everyone for your time. See you all for the final presentation next week.”

You slam the lid of your laptop shut—gently—at that last remark from your project lead. This project would make or break the reputation of the whole firm and everyone felt the pressure and tension. No big deal, just millions of dollars, everyone’s jobs, and the name of every person involved were on the line.

You paused for a while to take a moment for yourself when you were broken out of your reverie by a blunt force hitting the back of your head. You look for the source and glare at the black laptop bag in front of your face. Of course.

You looked up and were greeted with a smirking face and an eye roll. He looked like an angel with his platinum blonde hair and playful eyes, but he was the devil in disguise if you actually knew him.

It took all your willpower to remain seated and not burst out. That would not bode well for your professional image with most of the people still in the meeting room. There’s always been tension between the two of you since this project started. And you both knew the exact reason why.

───────────── ౨��� ─────────────

You were tasked to lead the presentation during the meeting last week. It was an important one because it wasn’t just the team in attendance—the whole executive committee would be there. No big deal though, you were prepared and confident. You were wearing your smartest business attire, hyping yourself up because god knows how else you could get through that morning.

People started coming into the board room one by one. And in he came, as if he were the one commanding the room. The other guys came in their best effort, but he walked in wearing a tailored suit, somehow looking dressed down yet dressed up. And you knew he was in the room before you saw him. He took on a distinct scent, sweet but powerful, spicy and intoxicating. You glared at him and he gave a polite nod of the head in return.

“Good luck,” he said. His smile was full of goodwill, but his eyes were telling another story. His line of sight shifted from you to your laptop and back. An alarm bell rang in your head, but you couldn’t risk being rattled before it even started.

When the executive committee arrived, the president was expectant, looking toward his direction when they asked, “So who will be presenting the final proposal today?”

You projected your voice to take back command. “That would be me,” you said with a winning and confident smile, and you began. You breezed through the presentation with ease until you reached the part discussing the budget.

“Something seems off with the figures.” The chief finance officer narrowed their eyes and reviewed the document in front of them, comparing it to the presentation flashed on the screen.

What the… They were right, there was something off. The numbers were wrong and the numbers didn’t make sense, and the executive committee was here precisely so they could see the bottom line and make sure it was logically sound with the proposal. Shit. Why didn’t I see this before?

“If I may…”

“Ah, Chan.” Your project lead signaled you of the happenings, looking at him with a questioning look. “What is this?”

“Well, I reviewed the deck before this meeting and actually saw this coming.” What? Your smile as you looked at him was tight, civil, and seething. “Sadly, there wasn’t enough time to revise the presentation before this meeting, but I can point out how the numbers are supposed to add up.” He met your gaze at that last line as if mocking your seeming incompetency.

He stood up and started talking, pointing out the flaws in your computations. But he didn’t stop there. He continued to point out other flaws in your presentation and how those contributed to the wrong numbers. He didn’t stop. Almost as if…he planned this from the beginning.

You two were assigned to complete the final proposal and you’ve both been working on it for weeks. Believe it or not, you actually liked working with him. He was smart and knew what he was doing, and he was naturally good at it—Too good, you think to yourself sometimes.

But when your team lead assigned you to present and finalize the whole thing, he suddenly became competitive, hard to reach, and infinitely harder to collaborate with. His sudden 180-degree change did not make any sense at all to you, until today. Until you saw him presenting in front of the executive committee, engaging everyone in a way that you did not and could not.

I am his number one competition and he thinks he is better than me. He thinks I don’t deserve it. But that’s what he thinks.

Once the presentation meeting was over, you made your way to the employees’ locker area. With everything that happened today, you needed to breathe. You couldn’t stand the congratulations Chan was receiving, the ones that were supposed to be yours.

You found your way in front of your locker and opened the lock with ease. You didn’t know why you did that though, as your locker was empty save for a spare set of heels and a photo of you and your family attached to the back of the locker door.

He was in the room before you saw him, that sweet and spicy scent following him around wherever he went. The only time you acknowledged him was when he was standing to your right, leaning on the lockers and looking at you with an unreadable expression.

“Why are you here?” You greeted him with a side eye.

“I thought you could use some company.”

“What makes you think I’d appreciate your company?”

Chan shrugged. “You always used to like my company.”

“That was before you became an asshole.”

“I’m hurt. How could you call me that when I wanted to give you my congratulations?”

The scoff you let out echoed throughout the room. “Excuse me? You knew what was going on back there. You knew there was something wrong, and I’m willing to bet my ass that you’ve known about it for days—maybe even weeks. And you did not bother to tell me for reasons I cannot fathom aside from you being a selfish son of a bitch.”

“Ooh, the slander.” He breathed in through his mouth audibly with a hiss. “I can raise this up to HR as degradation.”

“Oh, boo hoo. Suck it up the way you do with the big bosses. That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it? You think you’re way too good to be at the same level as I am that you would go as far as almost sabotaging a presentation like that with this unprofessionalism.”

“Unprofessional? Who the fuck do you think saved your sorry ass back there?”

“Saved? You could have saved it by being cooperative in the first place and those damn numbers wouldn’t be a fuck up in the first place!”

You jump when Chan leaves your side and slams your locker door shut. But you are unfazed and laugh. “Wow, that’s so mature Chan.” But when you turn to face him, he remains there, his left arm caging you against the lockers.

“Chan, get the fuck away away from me.” You push against his arm and chest but he resists, instead folding his arm to frame your face with his forearm and pinning you effectively to the lockers with his height. He towers over you and you attempt to look up at his piercing gaze.

“Chan…what the fuck are you doing?” His perfume washes over your senses with his face and neck mere inches away. He arrived at the locker area more dressed down from the meeting, his coat and necktie gone and the sleeves of his white shirt rolled up. His argyle sweater vest hides a glint of silver from around his neck.

It takes all your willpower to meet his eyes in this close proximity. And you were both daring to do so, knowing that this was an area secluded from the rest of the office.

“Do you remember when you first arrived here, all bright eyes and smiles during your first day?” Chan’s eyes softened for a bit and matched the hushed tone of his voice. You could feel his breath on your face, smelling sweet from a breath mint. “One look at you and I knew why you were hired. One look and I knew you were special.” He raised his hand to slowly, painstakingly brush away a stray piece of your hair, before slowly tracing a finger down your cheek. “One look...and I knew you were dangerous."

“What are you doing?” You whisper as his finger continues to follow a line down your neck and to your shoulder.

“You were dangerous. You were a threat. Instantly, I knew that this new hire would rob me of the years of experience I toiled over in this company to reach my position when you just got it in the blink of an eye.” As he was speaking, the line continued like a livewire of sensation down your arm, to the side of your torso, and finally rested on your waist “How dare you?” When he said this, he tugged at your waist and closed the already minimal distance between your lower bodies. You take in a sharp breath.

You dare not move any part of your body, but he continues. He leans in to whisper to your ear, “They say keep your friends close…and your enemies closer. So I did.”

You briefly close your eyes and remember your first days at this company. Chan was one of the first people who made you feel welcome with his warm smile and infectious laugh, accompanied you during lunch breaks, and taught you the ropes. But you could never forget the mornings in the pantry when both of you would wait together for the machine to churn out the freshly brewed coffee. You stood beside each other in silence when no more topics could be shared, and day by day the distance between the two of you grew smaller and smaller—until the backs of your hands could almost touch each other, until your pinky fingers could overlap when you both set your hands on the counter.

Chan’s voice broke your reverie when he said, “But why is it that when I got closer, you seemed less like an enemy…and more of something else?” His other hand moved from against the lockers to delicately cradle your neck while his lips moved from your ear to hover over your lips with the tips of your noses lightly touching.

You couldn’t control yourself anymore. Your hands move on their own accord, one holding onto his hand on your neck and the other fiddling with his collar as you grab on his silver necklace to pull him as close as you can.

Your open lips touch his and remain there, hovering in an unresolved kiss. You share each other’s breaths as they both quicken and you feel him against your thigh. He tightens his grip around your waist and pulls you in until there is no distance between your bodies. Your heartbeat is in your ears, ringing with desire and a rush of blood to your head.

“So who am I, Chan?” You say this against his lips. “Who am I?” You feel his hand on your neck pull you in and you briefly see his eyes flutter and close in anticipation.

In a brief moment of weakness, you consider giving in. But you kept a rational mind, and the bruise to your pride and ego was all it took to hold him tight and force yourself away from his cage. He stumbles and hits the lockers that brace his supposed fall. Chan looks at you with bewilderment and sexual frustration evident on his face.

You look back in confusion and with pain in your eyes, hoping they mirror the pang in your chest containing the pain and hurt that your professional self could never show. Maybe you could have shown it if things went differently, and maybe you could have shown it to him. But the cutthroat nature of your jobs would never allow it—he proved it in front of everyone earlier.

“Because I know who I am. And I am not someone you just play with and screw over.” You fight back the tears in your eyes. You could not show weakness, not now. “Suck it up. And play this game right.”

You fix your disheveled clothes and hair and turn your back to him, walking away from him and wishing you could do the exact opposite. But there was no other choice in this matter.

[certifiedwhore4slashers]

final girl | coriolanus snow

pairing: ghostface!coriolanus snow x fem!reader

summary: you've become a target, the final girl of a killer's movie.

warnings: dark content, possessive!coryo, dark!coryo, obsession/obsessive behavior, suggestive themes(if you squint), stalking, murder, blood and gore, coryo being delusional, threats of violence, violence, sort of modern!au, no use of y/n, naive!reader, r is too kind.

It was october, not only that but there was a killer on the loose. You were by yourself, much to your parent’s annoyance. You told them,”I’m 18 Mom. I technically could be on my own. Please, let me be on my own. I’ll be fine. I’ve got friends who can help me. And 911 on the phone.”

Your mother sighed. "The capitol’s safe enough. Fine. But if anything happens-” “Protocol, I know, I know all the rules, You replied. You did. Normally, your parents weren't like this. But there was a killer. A fucking killer. Of course they'd be worried for their only child.

You were also the heir to wealthy parents and known in the capitol. Your parents were. If there would be a target, you might be on that list. Either way, you were going to be as safe as you could be.

. You place yourself on the couch. The staff, which included the maids, were on their day-offs today, which was unfortunate for you. Tonight, would be different, though, you had no idea.

Clemensia, your best friend, texted you.

Home alone?

You replied almost right away.

Yeah. It took convincing, though. My parents are kind of protective.

You knew she was sighing and rolling her eyes at your comment. Clemensia was logical, so were you. The both of you were, but sometimes you could be reckless. Her, too, but not tonight apparently.

For good reason. I mean, there's a killer out there.

You wanted to just watch a movie, something that was a form of entertainment in the Capitol, obviously. You decide a horror movie was too gruesome for a time like this, and were planning to watch a rom-com. A surprise, considering you loved horror movies.

Yeah. I feel too... scared to watch a scary movie. That's how bad this is getting.

That was the truth, you were utterly terrified. Terrified to even watch scary movies, as if it'd become true. You check your phone. Updates in the group chat continue.

Your friend, Coriolanus, was discussing the killer. But also said that everyone should be careful. It was a known fact he liked you, but you were oblivious.

You were always so naïve.

They say he calls his victims before he kills them. I hope that's not true. I mean, what if he gets one of us?

The latest kills were students at the school, Gaius Breen and Androcles Anderson. This was tragic, and they didn't deserve it. They really didn't. And it made you wonder, why?

Why?

Clemensia was texting you and then calls. “Hey Clemmie, You say. “Hey! She replied. She sounded a little better but still, she was probably terrified just like you. "You okay, Clemmie, why did you call? You ask her, naturally. "Clemmie" was a nickname given in your childhood. You had a friend group that all had your own nicknames, including you. "I don't know, I don't think I'd like to be by myself, She admitted.

"That's fair, You agreed."I don't think... Hold on. I'm getting another call. Can I be right back on that?" "Mhm, it's not your fault, Clemensia said.

You end that call, and while the number was not one you'd recognize, sometimes you don't put in numbers on accident, or change the name. It happens. "Hello? You say, kindly. No matter who called, you tried to be as polite as you could be. 

"Hello."

Already, you know this is a stranger. For one thing, the voice isn't one yo recognize, secondly, the number wasn't in your contacts. So it wasn't one you accidentally kept the number on. Unless this was a prank. 

"Sorry I have to ask, who is this?"

"Who is this?"

"I already asked that. What number are you trying to reach?"

"I don't know, what number is this?"

You chuckle. "You called me, shouldn't you know?"

"I guess not."

In your mind, you conclude that this must be a wrong number. It wasn't his fault, so you weren't going to be annoyed by it. They seemed to be confused. "Wrong number, it's not your fault, it happens." You hang it up, and it was eerily similar to the beginning of Scream. You brushed it off, and planned to call Clemensia back, when the number called again.

"Hello?"

"I'm sorry. I guess I dialed the wrong number."  

"Oh, then why did you call again?"

"To apologize."

"Well, I forgive you, so-"

"Wait, can we talk?"

You sigh. "I'd love to. But i've got a phone call to do, bye, buddy." You hang up again. You innocently think of this as some joke. So, entertaining the prankster wouldn't be too bad for you. 

However, you needed to call Clemensia back, ASAP. As you were about to tap her name to call, the prankster called again. However, you weren't going to be mad or annoyed, you were that good of a person.

Maybe naïve for your own good, but kind nonetheless. 

"Hello?"

"Why don't you want to talk to me?" 

"Oh, hi, um... I just don't know you at all. Sorry."

"You seem very sweet and understanding."

"I try to be. You never know. What's your name?"

"You tell me your name, and I'll tell you mine."

You place a piece of popcorn in my mouth, my soda beside me by the movie." As much as it'd be nice to make another friend, you'd have to earn that." A while ago, you texted your boyfriend to come over. Where was he? Your parents were gone. This was your chance to finally get intimate tonight. Still, no response. You texted him a couple of times. You frown. Is he cheating on me? You thought.

"What are you eating?"

"Popcorn, You immediately reply. "I'm watching a movie."

"What movie?"

"A rom-com, I can't bring myself to watch a horror movie."

"Rom-coms are cheesy, I think horror movies are incredible."

"Ah, a horror nerd, You joke. "Well, I normally think so, too. But, it's just... whatever."

"What's your favorite scary movie?"

You smile. "I guess I'd say, Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It's interesting."

"A good choice. It's brutal."

You check your phone a couple of times, still on the call, your boyfriend messaged once. He was on his way, and apologized for not being there. You accepted it, he was a good boyfriend, and was normally on time or responded, he was perfect. So, you forgave him immediately. 

"So, you've got a boyfriend?"

His voice was flirty, and suggestive, even. But you weren't flattered or anything. You loved your boyfriend. "Mhm, You say."So, I'm not interested. We're happy together."

"Ah, lovebirds. How cute."

His voice was sarcastic. However, you still tried to remain kind. You didn't say anything as a response though. 

"You never said your name."

"Why do you want my name?"

"Because I want to know who I'm looking at."

You freeze. "What did you say?"

"I want to know who I'm talking to.""

You shake your head."No. That's not what I heard." Panicked, you text your boyfriend and Clemensia. Someone was watching you."I'm hanging up."

"Why would you do that, Doll?"

"I... I just have to go."

"Don't hang up."

You text your boyfriend once more, hoping he'd come quick. Instead, however, you got a disturbing response.

Don't hang up on me. It won't end well for you.

You lock every door in your house, this creep wouldn't come in your house. But you also weren't ignoring his calls anymore certainly. He calls again, and you pick up. "What do you want?"

"Just to talk, doll."

"No, clearly not. Otherwise-"

"You've caught me. I want to play a game. Like I played with your boyfriend."

"What did you do with him?"

"Go check for yourself."

You whimper, stepping towards the back of your large home. You had a feeling it'd be in your backyard, the answer you were looking for. When you turn on the lights, You scream. Your phone drops, but thankfully doesn't break. Your boyfriend, was hung and gutted in your tree, bloody and all. You began to sob, shakily picking your phone up. "Please, why did you kill him?"

"You belong to me, doll. You're mine. I won't let anyone take you from me."

In that moment, a figure with a ghostly mask bursts in, grabbing you from behind, hands on your waist as you begin to fight, what was he going to do? Take you? You kick, your elbow kicking his rips, and a groan came out from him. You run. You held your phone, call ended. You take this chance and call 911. 

Ghostface gets up, and mid call, is fast and you dropped your phone. You yelp, trying everything in your power.You’re thrown onto the floor and now he’s on top of you, knife in hand was clean but probably washed off the blood after murdering your boyfriend.

what was he going to do with you?

He must be contemplating what he was planning to do. Your legs were stuck, so you couldn’t kick him. He tilts his head. His knife trails down your body, suggestively but also mocking you, it's between your breasts, and then you grab his wrist, trying to pry him off of you. But he's stronger. He says,"Be a good girl and I won't hurt you." He must mean death, so you nod, still crying. The police would come. 

You must've hit the floor hard, because your vision was foggy, and you were close to passing out. If this was death, you were ready. But you had no injuries. You clearly were just going unconscious. You use your free arm to take his mask off.

Your eyes widen."Coryo?" You barely see the grin on his face before you black out.

[hello-nichya-here]

Hello, whats your opinion on this as a mai fan

I think this person is either misremembering the show or deliberately mischaracterizing what Mai, because what they're claiming she revealed on The Beach is the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of what she actually said.

She doesn't say "My parents used me as a pawn in their game to get close to royals" or "My parents never wanted me to learn anything about combat." She tells us that her parents will let her do whatever she likes - as long as she BEHAVES. As long as she's invisible. Out of sight, out of mind. They don't care what she does, as long as it doesn't affect them, as long as she's quiet. And that's what she says in an attempt to DOWNPLAY how bad her relationship with them actually is and how it affected her emotionally.

When Mai is complaining that she doesn't like Omashu because there's nothing for her to do, her mom doesn't try to talk to her about activities that could keep her busy/entertained, or show any concern about how she's adapting to moving to a whole new country, to a city where she doesn't know anyone. Instead, she ignores her daughter's attempts to talk about her feelings by reminding her that this is important for her father. There's no attempt to make this situation benefitial for her as well, it's all about how she needs to be grateful that someone else is happy about it.

Yes, when Tom-Tom is "kidnaped", they won't stop panicking, and are overjoyed when he's brought back safely. But there's not a word on them being concerned over Mai's well-being when she's leaving in a potentially dangerous mission. They don't show up to congratulate her at any point after she helps the Fire Nation conquer Ba Sing Se, even though that is a legendary feat. Favoritism much?

In book 3, literally the only adults we see in her home are servants, and considering one needs an airship to go to the island where the boiling rock is, it's pretty safe to say her uncle can't be dropping by too often. They let their 15-year-old daughter live in a different country, without any adult acting as her guardian - that's how much they don't care about her.

And speaking of her uncle, yes, he is doing a good job of being an attentive family member (is aware of her situation with Zuko, immediately lets her out of prison the second he knows he can get away with it) - but using that to claim "Thefore her family life is fine" is absurd because, again, that's her UNCLE, not her parents. By that logic, Zuko shouldn't be complaining about his family either, after all he has Iroh and somehow that is supposed to cancel out being raised by freaking Ozai, riiiiiiight?

And speaking of Zuko, there's a reason why, in a finale where everyone is being reunited with their family and friends, even when the travel time doesn't make any goddamn sense, Mai's happy ending involves a heartwarming reuining with him, and he's delighted to see her - but there's still nothing about her parents. Their daughter was sent to prison for life, then her boyfriend became Fire Lord giving them THE perfect chance to come rescue her, and they STILL are nowhere to be found.

For fuck's sake, AZULA showed more love for Mai than her parents did. Girl was clearly happy to see her again, and even gave her a "hug" that wasn't that touchy because Mai doesn't like it. In "The Lost Adventures" we find out that she was also the one who pushed for her and Zuko to get together (though that also ties into her knowing that was the only way to make Zuko come home despite his guilt over what he did to Iroh). Even on The Beach, she's the one who first connects the dots and realizes that Mai is always so aloof because she's used to being told to shut up when she says something inconvenient.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying her parents had no political ambitions (the Yang comics leaning into that was one of the few good things about his writting). Obviously they were happy that their daughter was best friends with the princess and dating the heir to the throne, and I'm sure Mai didn't appreciate being treated more as asset than as a daughter.

But her complaint was not about that. It was about how her parents are simply not part of her life at all. She's an outsider looking in. She can stand next to them and do as she's told, or she can leave. What she can't do is actually engage with them, mean anything to them, expect anything from them, rely on them at all.

Mai's parents are neglectful to a degree that, in the real world, could potentially have them lose custody of her because she consistently has to turn to literally anyone else instead of them whenever she needs anything.

Is it really any wonder she had a soft-spot for Zuko, aka the boy that is always disregarded by his father, to the point of literally being kicked out of his home, and is actually openly pissed off about it and will let everyone know it?

[hyuganejiswife]

Why Do You Love Me? | Gaara X GNReader

Masterlist

| REQUESTED, Gaara cries, learning to accept not everyone uses him and that there are people who truly do love him

Word Count: 939

“Why do they love me?” That’s the first question that Gaara asked his brother when he’d entered the office. Kankuro had been so caught off guard that he didn’t know what to say.

“Why does… Y/N?” He tilts his head, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I dunno, man, you’re gonna have to ask them about that. It’s not something I can really answer for them.”

Gaara simply nods and turns back to the paperwork in front of him. He didn’t really know what truly pushed the question into his head. He was remembering his childhood, trying to single out the good times, the fun, the love…

He remembers the fear, though. The fear his siblings had for him, the people he now calls his friends, and how anyone in the Sand Village looked at him, he remembers that distinctly. He remembers children being told not to go near him, that he wasn’t safe to play with.

And then he thinks of you. From the Leaf Village. You’d given up everything to come to the Sand Village to be with him. When you’d first met you hadn’t shown him fear or anger like everyone else. You’d shown confusion and compassion, even curiosity. You were intrigued by him and you found him fascinating despite the fact that he’d almost killed one of your best friends in the preliminaries in the chunin exams.

He was wary of you up until around the time he took over as the Kazekage. You often paid him and his siblings visits, bringing gifts from your own missions. It wasn’t until Kankuro pushed him to confront you that you admitted your feelings to him and he struggled to wrap his head around it. Yet, he admitted to feeling quite fond of you and was willing to try a relationship if that was what you truly wanted.

So you did.

The two of you maintained a relationship through letters for a few months until you tired of it and opted to leave behind your life, friends and family in the Leaf Village just to be closer to Gaara. The act in itself confused him. No one had ever shown him as much love as you had by giving up everything you knew. And even still, he granted you permission to act as a jonin in the Sand Village.

What bothered him after was worrying for your safety in the various missions he sent you. Logically he knew you were strong and he had nothing to worry about, but the ache in his chest would not settle until he could see you for himself, often leading to him showing up at your doorstep when you should have been sleeping. A solution you proposed to him was that the two of you should move in together, taking the next step in your relationship while allowing him to keep an eye on you and make sure you were resting and healing after missions.

That’s what made waiting for you to come home again so hard. He needed an answer to the question he’d asked his brother. He needed to know you were safe and unharmed, yet he knew you wouldn’t be home until well after midnight if everything went according to plan.

So when you finally do arrive home, imagine your surprise seeing him sitting at the kitchen table, his head on his arms seemingly asleep. You set your bag down, walking over and crouching slightly to wake him up. Your hand finds his shoulder, squeezing while your other hand finds his knee. “Gaara, my love, come on. Let’s get you into bed…” You smile softly and stand as he stirs, sitting up in the chair.

When you turn away, his hand slips around your wrist and pulls you back. “Why do you love me?” That certainly wasn’t what you were expecting to hear. “I’m a monster. I have done…” He couldn’t finish that thought. He didn’t want to hear you agree with him.

But instead, you step forward as he looks up at you, pushing his legs apart and standing between them. Your arms go around his shoulders, pulling him into your chest. You tangle your fingers in his hair, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “I love you because you make me happier than I have ever been in my whole life. What you have done while you were not yourself does not define who you are. Who you are now and what you do now, that is why I love you. When I think of being happy and my future, I do not see a future without you by my side, my love.”

At this point, you could feel his tears seeping through your shirt, your grip only tightening in realization. “When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I think of is you. I’m so happy that I get to wake up beside you, as well as go to sleep beside you. My chest feels… full when I’m with you, when I simply think of you. I love you for you. And I love you for who I am when I’m with you. I’m the best I can be because of you and because I want to make you happy.”

As he sobs quietly in your arms, you rock him, patient as always and allowing him his moment of weakness without judgement. That’s one of the reasons he loved you so. He was allowed to be weak with you without fear that he’d be judged or taken advantage of. With you and your reassurances, he knows he’ll always be loved and safe.

[crazypaperwasteland]

My Heart-Simon “Ghost” Riley Oneshot

Simon “Ghost” Riley x Wife!Reader

Summary: When Grave’s captures Simon’s wife, he spirals into sorrow while he tries to come up with a plan to get her back. When he does, he realizes he wasn’t the only one hurting from their abrupt separation. 

Warnings: Angst (Just a bit), not proof read

A/N: I haven’t played the game yet, but I think like most people, I have developed an unhealthy obsession with this man. So if there are any inaccuracies, I’m sorry, just roll with it :)

Masterlist

Word Count: 1.2k

Simon’s POV-

I was going to kill Graves. I was going to kill him slowly, and brutally, if he so much as touched a hair on (Y/N)’s head. I’d seen the Shadows snag her after Graves revealed his true intentions. I went into panic mode for a full fifteen or so minutes before I finally managed to pull myself together. 

When Soap reconnected on me over the comms I was able to screw my head on straight and focus. Focus on getting him back. When I did though and we made it to Alejandro’s safe house, there was no mission. There was nothing to keep my mind busy and on track, there was just worry. 

(Y/N) was a pilot, one of the best, hence why Price put her on this task force. She had basic combat training, but it wasn’t enough to keep her safe from getting captured. 

While everyone was getting rest, the safehouse was very dark, very quiet. The only light came in through the window from the moonlight. People were piled in different corners of the room, some snoring softly. 

I sat down, against the wall, staring down at the picture in my hand. The tiny polaroid I kept in my pocket. I didn’t even notice Soap approaching me on light feet until he sat down next to me. “What are you thinkin’ about Lt?”

I didn’t say anything, just stared down at the picture. (Y/N)’s face lit up in a smile while holding her son, Tommy, close to her side, me in the back in my mask, ruffling his (h/c) hair while he swatted at me, laughing. 

Soap looked over, giving the photo a once over. He looked back at my mask, “I didn’t know that you and (Y/N) were so close.” I shrugged. What could I say to that? Me and (Y/N) have been married for three years? We’re in a relationship? Me and her have a son? “That your kid?”

I shook my head, “hers.” I could never take Tommy’s father’s place. Even though he didn’t remember him. 

Soap took a breath in through his nose, “we’ll get her back, Ghost.” I furrowed my brows as I studied that photo, (Y/N)’s face permanently burned into my mind. If I closed my eyes, it would still be there, a perfect picture of her in one of her happiest moments. 

“I don’t know Graves very well, I couldn’t say if he’s killed her or not.” I paused, “if he hasn’t yet, he still might.”

“He won’t, Lt.” Soap assured me, “she is one of the best pilots I have ever seen. If Graves can, he will do everything possible to get her on his side. He has planes, helicopters, fighter jets, he has all the weapons at his disposal, he just needs a pilot to use them.”

I wanted to believe that. What Soap said was true, logically, it made sense. But with my emotions now mixed in with everything, logic was thrown out the window. “I hope you’re right about that.”

“Don’t you know by now? I’m always right.” Soap nudged my shoulder with his, “(Y/N) is a badass, she won’t let anything happen to herself. You don’t have to worry, Lt. We’ll get her back.”

I closed my fist around the polaroid, leaning my head on my knees for a moment. I felt Soap’s hand on my arm, I tensed up at the touch. Shrugging him off, I stood up and stepped outside so I could think in peace. Not that I didn’t appreciate Soap trying to help, but crying in front of my subordinate was not on my bucket list. 

I needed to get (Y/N) back. I needed her to be alive; if she wasn’t, I couldn’t be sure if I would be able to go on living in a world where she wasn’t. I touched the ring hung around my neck alongside my dog tags. 

When we got everyone out of their cells at base, I scoured around the entirety of the base looking for (Y/N). When I found her in solitary, a couple of cells down from where Alejandro had been kept, she was shrouded in shadow. 

I walked in, hearing her breathing shakily. The light coming in through the door allowed me to see the toes of her boots in the darkest corner of the room. “Sweetheart…” I surged forward and kneeled down in front of her. She had her head buried in her knees, not allowing herself to look at me, her arms covered her ears, so as to not hear me. Or whoever she thought I was. “(Y/N),” I reached out cautiously and gripped her forearm gently, not even really grabbing it, sliding my fingers along it. “Look at me, sweet girl.”

Her arms retracted slowly and she peaked at me, then I saw her eyes widen in the dark before she lunged forward, throwing her arms around me. Shaking and sniffling. “Simon…”

“Yeah, I’m here now, it’s okay,” I whispered, I pulled up my mask for a moment and kissed the side of her head. I held her close to me, reveling in the feeling of her warmth. Her closeness. Both of which told me she was alive, maybe not entirely well, but alive. “You’re gonna be okay.”

I felt her tears hit my neck, soaking through the cloth of my mask. She was still shaking. “I wanna go home now.”

“I know,” I stroked my gloved fingers through her hair, rocking her back and forth, still sitting on the gross concrete of the floor. She was sitting in my lap, clinging to me like a lifeline. “We will soon, baby.” 

It was concerning to me how…broken she seemed. We’d been in bad spots before, held hostage before, but she’d usually bounce back quickly when she was out of danger. She would usually pull herself together and get back to work. But she was still shaking, still crying, still clutching me like I’d disappear. 

Her face was buried into my shoulder, “I thought you were dead, Si.” Oh. Oh shit. There was a wet patch on my neck, soaking straight through the mask. 

I’d spent this whole time thinking of her being dead. It never occurred to me that she may not have seen me get away like I saw her get taken. “Oh, no, sweetheart.” I held her closer, “no, I’m right here.” I grabbed her hand and placed it on the opposite side of my neck she rested her face in, pressing two of her fingers against my pulse point. “I’m still here.” I allowed her to feel my heartbeat, I steadied the shaking of her hand with my own. 

I was never going to let her go again. I gripped the backs of her thighs and stood up, she wrapped her legs around me and held on tighter to me. I brought her up to where everyone else was, some of them hugging, others laughing and celebrating our small victory against Graves. 

(Y/N) was still shaking slightly in my arms and still hadn’t looked up from my neck. Soap stared at us as I carried her, so did everyone else who noticed us. But I couldn’t find it in myself to care. I cradled the back of her head, massaging her scalp as I tried to find an empty room for her to calm down in. 

I was okay now. My mission was now to take down Graves, then Hassan, and get my wife, my heart, home to her son. 

[tadpole-apocalypse]

Some spoiler musings under the cut related to Astarion’s act 3 quest

At first when I completed Astarion's act 3 quest I was a bit disappointed with how some of the loose ends were wrapped up with the choices I made, that being setting 7000 spawn loose to do whatever with his siblings agreeing very easily to just...watch over them and teach them to feed, even though none of them have fed from a humanoid themselves. It was all a little too convenient. I felt like it wasn't really treated like a big deal that Seven Thousand Vampires were just let loose on the hopes they'd just peacefully march to the Underdark.

But thinking on it more I think Larian probably wrapped it up the best way they could with the resources and time they had. Expanding on it would make the choice to free them seem like the objectively correct one, and I think I'm ok just accepting I'm neurotic about npcs acting realistically even in my power fantasy games. Though I do wish maybe there was a little something they could have put in, like finding exsanguinated bodies in the sewers a few long rests after finishing Cazador, or something.

I'm assuming Dalyria is in charge, since she's the one who seems to step up and get everyone on board with the plan to head to the Underdark. However, what we don't see is the interpersonal spawn politics, because now Leon will find out the daughter that he did all those vile things for, to keep her safe and mortal, is dead. At the hands of one of the other spawn! So there's no way Leon is on board with this, he's gone, either leaving on his own or choosing to meet the sun.

I imagine a substantial amount of the neglected spawn are just gonna take the first chance to run, probably kill at least one or several people, and probably get killed by authorities/the sun eventually. Hundreds of innocent victims probably die on the way from Baldur's gate to the Underdark. Families torn apart, lives ended and ruined. No way people wouldn't find out and track it back down to Tav's actions.

It's one of those roleplay choices I like, because I tried really hard to pick what I thought my character would do. I had decided that my character, Morgan, grew up in a cult that got raided by adventurers looking to kill her cult's leader. They came in and started swinging swords immediately, cutting down her family and friends and people she'd known her whole life. They weren't fighters or combatants, just regular people who had been taken advantage of and were trying to protect their home, and she only survived by blind luck. She couldn't bring herself to be that adventurer ending the lives of basically innocent victims for the crimes of their master and insisted they be let free to at least have a chance.

I don’t know if any of the companions actually disapprove of this choice (I only got a notification that halsin approved). But I think she probably argued long and hard with a few companions about the choice. Gale and Shadowheart have been traveling long enough with Morgan to trust her judgement, but Wyll and Jaheira would probably have some objections to it. She’s generally a very even tempered and logical person but being challenged on this issue turns her into an emotional wreck because she’s just had a very tense argument talking her vampire down from unlimited power and she doesn’t even know if he’s going to want to be with her still.

[wsdalt]

a "little" post on rubens and self-preservation. quick disclaimer that as much as i've rewatched calamidade, there's always things i could be missing or misremembering, but i definitely hope everything i'm saying is accurate pfft. (and there are things i didn't go into detail about because it will add another few hundred words to this post). it will go under the cut, but here's the first few paragraphs:

One of my favourite things about rubens is how much he isn’t a self-sacrificial character. And that stands out very much because in the season he’s in every other PC is a self-sacrificial character (just look at the scene where they were trying to figure out the puzzle with the masks—everyone was attempting to take the potential pain of failure, but rubens didn’t)

This isn’t to say he won’t put his life on the line to help others (you have to, in this line of work—and I would say he does it more the longer the season goes on (I mean… you saw what happened with kian)), but he is certainly more reserved than the others—to the point where you can pick up on it and note it. In fact, clarissa did in canon, too. He has run from at least one fight even though he was drawn back to it, and his preference against close quarters fighting despite having a weapon for that is also noticeable

And at first it seems kind of selfish, even if it’s an understandable fear. and maybe it's mostly just selfish because you’re looking at it in the context of a self-sacrificial group in a usually self-sacrificial series

But i love the way felps plays it because it’s not that he’s an asshole about it or partially self-serving (as mentioned, he still tries to help with fights and for most of it he could leave whenever he wanted) it’s just that he’s scared. And that’s understandable because it’s a scary world they live in, and he didn’t seem too confident with fighting in opd either

But the further along you go (/the more you think about it) the more it starts to take on a more specific shape. In the end, it mostly ties back to johnny one way or another—and expanding on that thought under the cut:

So here’s the first layer: He’s just recently experienced a major shake up regarding how safe he actually is because his partner and best friend just got badly injured and he’s trying to play it safe. A brutal, traumatic reminder of just how dangerous this line of work is and that anything can go wrong at any moment no matter how experienced you are

Then there’s the second layer: Johnny and Rubens’ dynamic was very much brawn + brain. In their one opd episode together Johnny had pretty much double Rubens’ health, and in episode one of calamidade it’s mentioned Rubens has only ever worked in a duo before. which suggests that it is, in fact, usually just him and johnny

Rubens is… uncomfortable with close quarters fighting suggesting he’s not used to it, but despite that he isn’t afraid to jump in and attack. however at the start of the fight johnny pushes rubens behind him, and rubens doesn’t complain about it or try to stop him. Rubens is also established to know some medicine so:

It feels like: “johnny taking the brunt of the hits while rubens acts as support” could be a logical, pre-existing move of theirs. After all it does make sense, and rubens plays support a lot during late game calamidade too. If rubens (with much less health than johnny, meaning he will go down quicker) goes down and johnny doesn’t know medicine well, it’s going to be a lot harder for him to keep rubens alive than it would be for rubens to keep johnny alive if the situation is reversed. It’s… rough. But it is a tactical move

So: suddenly, rubens is thrown into a group of people who he doesn’t have that arrangement with after just experiencing a major (kind of) loss and a full shattering of whatever illusions he might’ve had about his safety. It makes sense that he seems a lot more jumpy, and a lot more hesitant to join a battle front on (and again: he does fight regardless of this fear. He’s just also very visibly less reckless/self-sacrificing than the others) 

And it really is easy to attribute that to just… being in active battle and finding it hard to fight his instincts. That is certainly part of it, as he mentions to clarissa that he isn’t sure why he ran from a battle—it was just instinct, and he knows he needs to fight it

But what about the above mentioned scene with the mask puzzle? Everyone else was trying to take damage for the others, but he’s the only one who doesn’t volunteer. In his rational mind, he’s already decided to put himself in harm’s way with this job. But he still doesn’t volunteer here. i think if he was asked to, he would take the damage (like when they were trying to open the door in opd). but he wasn't asked to, so he doesn't offer 

Here’s layer three:

This doesn’t come up until closer to the end of the series, but rubens talks to johnny through audio recordings + at his bedside at the hospital. One of the main things he repeats throughout all of that is that he’s “coming back” to johnny. (it’s mentioned like… six separate times at least) When he records the messages he says he’ll be back soon, and when he’s at the hospital he keeps saying that he has to do something dangerous and that the mission isn’t over yet, but he’ll come back. He’ll try to come back. He’ll always come back 

I would say part of his hesitation isn’t entirely trauma-driven self-preservation combined with a technically outdated mindset to his role in his team since he’s now part of a new team with different dynamics—I would say a good part of it is just a need to be there for johnny when he wakes up again

Rubens goes against his team occasionally for johnny. The situation doesn’t come up often, but it is very much there. Rubens kills two Host cultists without waiting for his team’s input, despite there being somewhat of a consensus on keeping them alive, at least briefly

(the first one i don’t think they had decided on what to do with her yet when they found out she was lying, and the second one— despite team argument—they decided on keeping him alive because he might not be bad.

Rubens of course only kills both of them when he’s certain they’re bad, but there’s a distinct lack of communication about it which is emphasised by—after killing the first one—he ignores the rest of his team for a bit so he can search for information by himself. this includes ignoring balu's attempts to get a heal from him—which i would say he only did because dante can also heal and it wasn't serious, but it's still interesting to note)

Johnny is very much intertwined in the things he does. He has johnny’s shirt around his waist, and carries around johnny’s knife to kill Host cultists specifically because it was the Host who hurt johnny, (if i’m translating it correctly) when he ascended johnny was pretty much directly mentioned + rubens said he wished he got out of this life with johnny at the start, and—most importantly to this particular post—he will value self-preservation so he can get back to johnny

(Sidenote: but it’s also interesting how this directly impacts the wider plot, too. Both Carina and Balu (if i’m remembering correctly) mention that they picked the Masks over the Host because of rubens’ experiences with—and (understandable) hatred of—the Host)

And i have to finish this off by saying that despite all this—despite the various layers that feed into his aversion to being self-sacrificial—he let joui kill him at the end of the games. He let Joui win because Joui asked him to let that happen even though he had no idea what would happen to himself

They all hoped that the people who lost before would wake up and be okay of course, but they had no confirmation that that would happen. As far as rubens was aware, he was allowing himself to be put into a magical coma with no cure or potential for recovery.

This death has so much meaning to me. even though it doesn’t stick, and there’s no consequences, and rubens wakes up pretty much straight away, anyway. It’s arguably the safest self-sacrificial death in the entire series and he wasn’t even the first one to do it in the games. But it’s a major change from everything rubens has done before, and must’ve been extremely difficult for him to accept

(it’s also interesting that rubens—if i’m remembering correctly—never rolls to attempt to take over from Amalia despite everyone else trying at least once so they could sacrifice themselves for someone else on the team, even if they failed. The only time he does is when Joui directly talks to him and even then he fails the rolls enough that cellbit has to word of god let him succeed. I think rubens was… somewhat glad that he didn’t have to take control in this. He didn’t have to choose between his friends and his survival. He could just let amalia keep them both alive) 

But yes, anyway… not really sure how to end this oops, but rubens’ lack of self-sacrificial nature in a group of self-sacrificial people is very very interesting to me—especially because of how much goes into it + the moment i mentioned above where he does essentially let himself be killed*

+ the fact that despite his prioritisation of Johnny and his self-preservation he still continues to put himself in harm’s way even after mentioning that he felt he got closure from the fight with the Host—and he almost died to Kian because of this. And when he talks to Johnny again it sounds like he’s going to continue to help them—because as much as the mission became about the Host for a bit, he wasn't put in that team for that to begin with

he doesn't want to be here, and he's scared, and he's not inherently self-sacrificial like the others in his team, but he will try his best to help—and i love that \o/!! i think it's such an interesting character choice \o/!! okay post over congrats if you got to the end, this is like 1700 words

*(and i do find it very sweet that joui returned this emotional step of his by focusing entirely on him when everyone woke up despite the fact arthur and dante’s losses were the ones that were freaking him out the most because of how close he is to them. Of course it’s because joui felt extremely guilty for killing him, but i don’t think rubens (or anyone watching) would necessarily blame him if he got caught up in the relief of arthur and dante being okay. So it’s sweet that all his focus was on rubens \o/)

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #168

I'm not in as much pain today as I expected to be, which is pretty freaking great!! I'm still a bit tired though. I spent my morning doing normal morning things, which, for me, means doing some dishes, feeding my cats, and making tea. Today's swirls were wonderful - as it brewed, as I added the honey, and as I added the cream! Let me show you:

...Sephiroth, I hope you'll remember that the world is filled with so many beautiful things. You just gotta know where to look for 'em. But it's okay if you don't always remember all the time; I forget often enough - I think everyone does. That's why we gotta spend time with people who will help us remember, instead of people who make it easier to forget. We of my house and the people that we chill with like to do our best to help everyone remember. You're welcome to pop by, too, if you need a reminder; you'd fit in with the rest of us misfits just fine, methinks.

E's wife, whose name is H, came to visit for lunch today! We went to an all-you-can-eat sushi place, because they hadn't yet been to the one that is in my city! Here's what we got!

...I wish you could be here to enjoy this with us. I wish I could do better than just send along pictures. I wish that you could be warm and safe somewhere with a happy belly full of yummy sushi. But I know all the reasons that such a thing as you coming to visit us is impossible, even if I do sometimes joke about you popping by my house. I'm not insane, don't worry.

Last time I saw H, we were with E at the shop with all the pretty clothing. They asked about one of my inventory items - besides my owl backpack, my hat, my various long cardigans, and the plush I carry, I have one more inventory item that I found under rather mysterious circumstances. Normally, this item comes in pairs, but there was only the left one when I found it. So, they asked why there was only one, and I didn't feel comfortable explaining in that environment for a variety of reasons. So I explained it to them while we were at Wasabi.

I'll explain a little here, but not fully, because although I think you might understand, I... don't necessarily think that anyone else who reads these will, because even I only just barely understand.

Some time ago, while engaged in ordinary activities, I made a small, silly wish to the void, thinking that nothing would come of it. But not more than two days later, I felt a strong pull of intuition to a random spot in my neighborhood that is nondescript and has no bearing on anything; nobody goes there because they're just maintenance trails in the middle of some trees on hills that are difficult and annoying to climb.

There was no logical reason for my attention to be pulled along in the way that it was, but as I explained to you in a previous letter, when I fail to heed my intuition, usually something mildly inconvenient happens, so for the most part, I've learned to just go with the flow, even if I don't know what's happening, why, or what to expect. And while I was wandering the maintenance trails, following the subtle buzzing of my intuition, I found an item.

The item was wet, dirty, and covered in tree sap, but it was a luxury item, all by itself, in a place that no one goes. It was very weird. So I brought it home and cleaned it up, and when I did, it was very beautiful. It smelled nice, and it was very soft. And... in a very roundabout way, it fulfilled the wish I had made, and that was also very weird. Admittedly, I was even a little spooked at first by how closely it fulfilled the wish I had made, given the circumstances and how reality generally works. But I've since decided that the item is mine now, even if it's missing its right counterpart, and so it is a permanent part of my inventory, even if I sometimes get odd looks from other people for having it.

There's a lot more that I could tell you, but I don't think I will in this space for fear that my sanity and ability to reason might be called into question by others, which would jeopardize the peace that I am trying to work towards for you; how can I convince enough others that you are worthy of it such that it comes to fruition if I cannot be taken seriously? How can I convince people that compassion is the answer to most problems if I cannot be taken seriously?

(...is it even possible for someone like me to be taken seriously by anyone at all...? experience points to "no", because I am not someone with power or influence or officially-recognized credentials, or even the correct body, neurotype, or social background for others to imagine I'm worth anything. if the answer to whether I can be taken seriously is already "no", then logically, I have nothing to be afraid of, but still...)

I explained all the things to H in far, FAR more detail than I explained here; there was a lot of it because there's much that I've carried by myself for a number of years - who would believe me if I spoke on it when even I am having a hard time of believing it even though I am the one these things happened to? More than just the item I found; my whole life, starting from a certain point (maybe you know when...), has been one wild coincidence after another, and it all became dramatically more pronounced since I began writing.

When I finished explaining everything to H, they seemed... I dunno the word for it... some combination of dumbfounded, shocked, excited, and joyful, I suppose? I was understood and believed (assuming they were being sincere), which was a shock to me, because I was thoroughly expecting that my longwinded answer to the question they posed about the item would prompt them to start trying to avoid me, but instead they told me of similar experiences that they had, and I was relieved. At least for today with regards to the things I've kept to myself for so many years, I feel like I am not by myself.

H and I went back to my house after that, and we played a lot of Vampire Survivors together. It's a silly game with not much substance to it, but it's a lot of fun, and it's interesting to play cooperatively. Then it was time for H to go home, and now V is visiting instead; V knows some of the details of what I've explained to H, too.

...I'll still keep it close to my chest in this space, though. I've seen what happens to others when they speak about these things, and the last thing I need is to be mocked and ridiculed as though I'm some kind of lunatic.

Well anyway. M wants to watch Game Changer with me and J and V, so I guess I'll stop writing now and go do that.

I love you. I'll write again tomorrow. Please stay safe...

Your friend, Lumine

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

hi! feel free to disregard this if you feel its an intrusive question or you just wish not to respond.

i saw your response on the post about adhd reward systems and was intruiged and a bit inspired/validated/something. im an undergrad psych/human dev student right now aiming to get a msw and clinical license to do therapy and i struggle with managing my adhd for more than a couple months at a time quite a bit. i often question whether or not i will be able to be in any helping profession due to not feeling like i can manage my own functioning issues. it feels contradictory to me to imagine therapists (and especially possible future me as an lcsw) struggling with anything while still being good therapists. though i know logically that everyone struggles with things from time to time, it feels like one might feel unqualified to help others if they are not able to manage their own issues all of the time.

i was wondering if you had any wisdom about reconciling these things as a therapist with adhd. i was very interested in what you shared about how you manage days when you are having a harder time.

Awwww, rats hun, I'm sorry that you've been worrying about this! I really want to encourage you to reach out off Anon, cuz I'd love to chat more, one social worker to another 💚

That said, I'm gonna try and respond to your ask here as best I can!

First off, it's not too intrusive a question (for me) at all! I try to be really open about certain things in my life, and tend not to reference something on here I'm not comfortable talking more about. Even if it did feel intrusive, I'd answer what I *was* comfy with and declined to comment on the rest.

As for needing to have your own house in order to be able to help others, I mean....yeah, to some extent. But you're a human being, and so are the people on the other side of the chair, and we all benefit from learning how to fuck up safely and come back from that so like. I don't subscribe to the idea that therapists need to be flawless people. There are absolutely things to be attentive to/cautious about (including how we are impacting the person, the space, and the conversation, etc) but I've actually developed BETTER dynamics with clients who let me know I did something they didn't like or that hurt them, and being able to move forward together with a plan to better protect their boundaries in the space. And if the parts of you that you're worried about is outside the space, well. That's why most therapists have therapists. To process, reflect, and monitor ourselves for warning signs that we're sliding outside our boundaries. No one is perfectly under control all the time.

And with ADHD specifically, one of the biggest things people need and deserve access to is the safety to fail, the safety to drop habits and have to pick them back up after things pile up, the safety to not feel ashamed of their experience of the world. Without the active work of unwinding those feelings of shame, behavioral tools/accommodations are often a lot less effective for us. And for a demographic that specifically struggles with emotional security/consistency, that's often an intense process for us to go through. Knowing other people we perceive as successful and thriving may ALSO experience similar cycles and needs to us. If clients genuinely think therapists are perfect, it's easy for those of us on the other side of the chair to let the shame evolve into comparison as a way to self-blame for our perceived failure.

I got my ADHD diagnosis part way through my MSW, and didn't get medicated for it until after I had graduated. I was uhhhhhhhh

Obsessive. About my routines, my organization, my back up plans, all of it. It was hard to believe I could function if I wasn't meeting everyone's expectations all the time. But it's unsustainable. It **can't** last forever. Especially when everything is just. So overwhelming all the time.

So I definitely don't want you to think that the only way to get to your clinical license is to demand that you always operate at 100% capacity in order to justify not be flawless. A lot of us carry that burden with us well into adulthood, and truly? It's the other way around. The more comfort, ease of access to resources, and sense of security we have in our lives, the better we're able to make our way towards patterns that work for us.

I don't want to give the impression that the specifics of my coping strategies are A) comprehensively effective, and/or B) universally applicable. So I'm gonna kinda stick with the underlying philosophy.

Essentially, one of the most important things is that any strategies I rely on are capable of being picked back up without judgement or major disruption. So for example, I keep a daybook calendar. It was recommended by another ADHDer as an effective way of visualizing and navigating executive dysfunction. It's divided up into days, weeks, months, and quarter years. Most importantly, it's undated. I have had this (and been using the exact same) daybook for over 2yrs. Periodically, I lose momentum for days, weeks, or even months. But when I finally get back the bandwidth to pick it back up, all I have to do is turn to a new week and date it for my current week. I just picked back up yesterday after not using it since last summer lmao

There's this concept in behavioral training for dogs called "no failure" where essentially (deeply simplified!!!) you always mark and reward whatever positive behaviors you get from the dog as a process of positive reinforcement of what you want from them. And while you wouldn't reward unsafe or inappropriate behavior from the dog, the second they redirect, no matter what they were doing a minute ago, you mark and reward.

I've been training my dogs this way for a good 5-6yrs now, and everywhere they go people will hunt me down to ask me how I get them to be so polite and responsive.

People aren't dogs, obvi, but this positive reinforcement process still functions similarly. So like, when I work with kids and families on "behavior issues" I get families to like. Essentially remove proactive consequences. Natural consequences happen, because that's life, but you still shouldn't abandon them to figuring out a solution on their own. It's a lot of modeling, marking, and rewarding, and a lot of repetitive and continuous conversations about why certain rules exist or why certain expectations are had, etc. An example here might be a "behavior chart" with tiered rewards. Each day that behavior is in line with safety and meeting needs, you mark and reward it. Every week that this is true for all 7 days, you mark and reinforce with a slightly more valuable reward. And on top of that, you have "high value" rewards for cumulative successes. If you hit 28 days of success (even if they're not consecutive, rather intermittent with non-marked days across like. 3 months or whatever) the reinforcement reward has been earned and that's that.

Partially, this process helps reframe dysregulation from "failure" to "interruption." And partially, this ensures that every success builds on previous successes, making it easier to remember backwards that good and bad days both happen, even when we have a hard time remembering what "not now" feels like.

Everything I build for myself is like that. No failure, mark and reinforce. Sometimes I do it for myself, sometimes my wife helps me, and sometimes I learn to arrange positive and affirming natural consequences of my choices. It just sort of depends what makes the most sense.

Another pillar of the underlying philosophy here is that eveything is contextual. Any change in the circumstances might change how our needs around that circumstance presents. So if a strategy or tool isn't working anymore, it's not because I've failed, it's because something about my physical and/or emotional landscape has changed since the last time I sat with myself about what helps me function. Maybe it's a temporary change (just for the day cuz I'm tired or sick for example), or maybe it's long term (when we moved to the city it became important for me to get regular, intentional sunlight because if I wasn't proactive about it, I would isolate indoors and struggle more for example), but whichever it is, all that matters is that I acknowledge what's changed about my needs without judgement or self-shaming. It's a *straightforward* process, but certainly not an easy or time-sensitive process.

Anyway, hun, you're still in your undergrad. I absolutely ASSURE you, you will not be the same person by the time you graduate from your master's. It's like stone going through pressure and heat. *Something* is always gonna change. So cut yourself a lil slack about where you are now. You aren't pressed for time, I promise.

[mangacupcake]

Drusilla & the Ghost Bride

Drusilla grew up not thinking about her biological family (Much)

And when she was old enough to learn a little more around her being surrendered at a safe haven it still didn’t tell her much if anything.

Now that she’s in an entirely different world she doesn’t really have that high of hopes of finding anything else out.

Or so she thought- cause one day she’s just chilling then some strange ghost guards come in and kick her out of the house?! The audacity…

Drew is about to start fighting back when one of the older looking ghosts stops them “wait a moment- my dear could you please take those off?”

Drew blinks, “you mean my glasses? Uh sure I guess?” And so she humors the spirt and all the guards gasp.

“Those eyes!” “That black hair!” “Even the freckles just like hers!”

Drew learned to stop applying logic to Twisted Wonderland. So she just put her glasses back on and the next she knows she’s being carried away to meet a princess?!

Drew already had questions but seeing Idia Basically frozen in place was just… a lot Drew: Idia, what are you doing here? Idia; on the brink of tears: I don’t know…

That’s when the guards claim they found the princess only living relative, everyone looks at Drew “uh… who is it?” The older ghost from before chuckles “why it’s you my dear. What’s your name?’’

It’s one of those fantasy she had back when had to put all her belongs in trash bags and move across state cause her foster family got tired of her. That she has a family out there and they were looking for her.

But she grew up, and yet here she is being told she’s potentially related to princess??

It’s a very tender moment for Eliza- she’s happy one of her siblings made it out, and Drusilla really does look just like she did!

Eliza is so excited to have a living relative! She starts to ask Drusilla a million questions about her mother grandmother-

Drusilla just quietly says she’s never meet them before. Cue some very confused ghosts, so Drew has to tell them that back in her world she was surrendered to a safe haven- a place where you leave an infant anonymously and they’ll be put into a foster care system.

Or well she tries to explain it the best she can to ghost from another world.

By the end Idia is not crying cause he’s getting married against his will but because damn…

Eliza will have none of it. She’s coming home with her after her wedding.

And even though she knows it’s wrong, Idia doesn’t want to be here, and she was almost kicked out of her house, the idea that someone wants her… that she has a home…

Drusilla never thought about her family or if they came from another world and maybe she didn’t believe that but for a moment that she has someone, and place where there are others waiting for her…

Drusilla holds Eliza’s hand tighter… and just for a moment Drusilla felt like she was home.

@adrianasunderworld @marrondrawsalot @writing-heiress @the-weirdos-mind @nproduction626 @rose-tea-and-strawberries

[lgcxmax]

Personal Development • The One That Got Away

his hands are clammy as he holds onto wook's carry-on, insisting to hold onto it while they make their way towards the terminal. he hates the strict security measurements, remembering days when he could accompany his family to the gate as they saw someone off. now he has to stare at the entrance of the security control and be reminded that there was no way back for them anymore.

max swallows, fighting to ask yet again if he shouldn't come with wook, if they shouldn't try long distance again even though he knows logically spoken they had settled this just a week ago. right after chuseok dinner, max drunk on the warmth of his family and his love, away from practice rooms and coaches for a short while. he'd been content until the conversation was brought up that wookjin didn't feel like his life was centered in korea any longer.

and max couldn't blame him. they'd both been born and raised in different cultures and the differences were frustrating at times, the feeling of looking the same but never quite fitting in. but he couldn't deny that it hurt, churned something uncomfortably in his chest that he'd have to rely on phone calls for god knows how long. and they both knew they couldn't do it.

life wasn't fair. max wanted to drop everything, see if he could reapply for a program in amerika and follow his boyfriend but the suggestion alone made the male mad to a point max worried he'd genuinely punch him. he'd come so far but why was he still here? why did everyone want him to hold on so tightly to something he wasn't even sure anymore he even deserved? would he be happy once he'd debut? would his confidence miraculously be re-established? would he be okay without wookjin?

his gaze rises to study the intricate design of the airport when the recollection of that night made him almost tear up again. he'd promised himself and wook: no more tears.

"well... this is it," he hears his best friend- first big love say. for a moment he doesn't respond, not wanting to respond in hopes it would make him stay a moment longer. a gentle but insistent tug on the carry-on bag in his tight knuckled grip eventually made him look back to what he thought was his other half. why was life so unfair? why did they have to separate? max swallowed again, lips parting but no word left his lips for wookjin shook his head with a small smile on his lips.

he always knew how to read max better than max did himself.

"come on dude. it's not like we'll never hear from each other again. I'll tell my grandma to find you and beat your ass if you dare to ghost me!" and the trainee can't help but laugh fondly at the image because he would. and granny jung would definitely run after him with a wooden spoon no matter if he was an idol then or a trainee still.

"this isn't goodbye," max mutters quietly, a smitten grin on his lips. "of course it's not," comes the sassy reply, a brow raised to almost challenge max into getting emotional on him again.

"I love you...," he can't help but tell him one more time as he finally lets go of the bag and lets go of a piece of his heart, smile a little wobbly as wook's hand lingers on his before holding firmly onto his travel bag. "you know I love you too." and that was precisely what made this so hard for them. both had to inhale a deep breath before exhaling it in a soft chuckle. max had always been the more emotional one of the two but seeing that wookjin was struggling as well made him feel the tiniest bit better in the saddest way.

"have a safe flight. text me when you arrive okay?"

"you'll be dead passed out then-"

"text me," max reaffirms, leaving it unspoken that he would stay up. probably wouldn't even be able to get a moment of shut eye this night and the following few. yet his best friend nods like he knows anyway. for one more minute he forces a smile onto his lips, raising his knuckles for a last handshake between them and struggles to let go as wookjin moves away and slowly but surely disappears into the crowd.

he waits until he can't see him anymore, until the line gets blurry as he sees wookjin faintly step through the security scanner and the gates close behind his back. he waits until he can feel a tear run down his cheek that he's quick to wipe away before he turns and drags his feet as he makes his way out of the airport. without allowing himself a glance back he drags his facemask up his chin to cover his nose before his hands disappear into his pockets. head hung low and shoulders hunched down with a defeated sigh he trots onward, hoping that whatever lies in his future will make him feel less heavy at last.

[plenary-indulgence]

about my cringefail wolship

some more thoughts on cocowedja since i had a lot of work meetings today and that’s what i’m thinking about 90% of the time when i’m supposed to be paying attention in work meetings

i don’t know how or when it started. actually that is a lie i know exactly how and when it started it was that ARR quest in coerthas after the waking sands massacre where you have to rescue wedge under a bridge and he bitches about being cold and hungry and afraid and my brain just went

and so did coconeja’s and that was the moment he fell in love just a little bit; and unfortunately for him he’s really only gotten worse since then

it’s definitely 100% unrequited tho on account of me not being able to invest emotionally in a ship unless everyone involved is miserable but check it: a) coconeja’s low self-esteem will not allow him to believe anyone could actually be into him in that way; there’s nothing really special about him aside from the echo/blessing of light which is a thing that he considers “happened to him” not so much a thing that he deserves to have or has “earned” in any way b) he also sees it as a burden that he carries and does not want to inflict on others. and he’s especially cognizant of how that kind of pressure would affect someone like wedge who, while not as infantilized now as he was in ARR (i have thoughts on this but i do find it funny actually so i let it slide) still is not the kind of guy who handles stress very well lol and coconeja is also all too aware of how being involved with the warrior of light in any capacity essentially paints a target on your back given THE EXACT SITUATION HE WAS SO AFRAID OF HAS ALREADY HAPPENED when omega quite literally blew up his spot honestly i could talk forever about that alone and how that shook him real bad, and he’s still hasn’t really confronted how it messed with him - like he went to a real dark place those few days waiting to see if biggs and wedge would be ok and he really just refuses to engage with those feelings in any capacity now that it’s over. it’s a struggle for him to not resent omega tho even now; knowing all that he knows it’s still an internal struggle not to punt the little bastard into the sea on sight. c) somehow, against all logic and reason, wedge remains totally oblivious to coconeja’s feelings (even though everyone else can tell, much to their exasperation, because coconeja thinks he’s being real on the sly about it but he really, really isn’t) and is still into tataru. and even if points a and b weren’t the insurmountable hurdles that they are he still would never risk their friendship like that by confessing in the first place - and they are really good friends; wedge is probably his second best friend in the whole world (his first best friend being flag of course which is fine because wedge’s first best friend is biggs so it’s all copacetic). even if coconeja weren’t down so bad his heart needs rezoning for a subbasement they’d still be close - they get along well, have the same sense of humor and values, are around the same age and are both kind of huge loser dorks in their own way. they’re both dog people.

so he tells himself that the way things are is fine, and he’s happy just so long as he can be there by wedge’s side and look out for him - that’s enough!! it has to be. like so what if the constant longing is wearing his gay little lalafell heart down into a shriveled little stump; it doesn’t matter. so long as they can be friends, and coconeja can make sure he’s safe and happy always and listen to him dork out about engineering stuff or in turn have someone to vent to who understands imposter syndrome and all the while he’s free to daydream about holding hands or first kisses or fun dates to all the exotic places in eorzea or an alternate universe where coconeja is the coolest and suavest mfer ever and everything he does is super impressive (and he can definitely do a backflip without landing on his face - 10 backflips even!! in sunglasses!!) and he is the kind of person he thinks wedge could actually fall in love with instead of being well, the him that he actually is.

and that will definitely be a fine way to cope forever and is certainly NOT unfair to wedge who is his own person that deserves agency over his own feelings and situation it’s not weird let’s not call it weird here look at all these daydream gposes i did aren’t they the most adorable wolship you’ve ever seen!!! i keep these in a folder called “the shame bucket” like any normal healthy person would :)

[anamericangirl]

And I'm not ignoring the one percent. But using 1% of abortion cases to justify 100% of abortion cases is a logical fallacy. Those are two separate issues. We can talk about sexual assault or we can talk about abortion. When you bring up such a small percentage of something to argue for the whole you are not actually arguing for a special solution for that percentage, you are saying "because there are occasional cases of women who have been raped seeking an abortion, elective abortion should be available for everyone for whatever reason" and that's a dishonest way to argue for abortion. That's my point. That's like me arguing that you should never drink water because some water isn't safe to drink.

Oh I’m not using it to justify it, I made it pretty clear that I’m for abortions in any case but I brought it up because you seem extremely ignorant about SA in general and how victims go about it. I’m bringing it up because you seem all too willing to gloss over it and you still do even though love claiming you don’t. I’m saying that if you use some critical thinking and apply the logic we already know ( the logic being that most SA is not reported, most is also done by family member/friend ) and how poorly rape cases are handled and the difficulty there is to prove them.

That you would know that 1% is not accurate either because most victims would not admit to it and hospitals can not report it because it’s both a violation of privacy and a pretty bad way to sample, since most rapes do not cause injuries requiring medical attention.

https://www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system

https://bjs.ojp.gov/content/pub/pdf/cv16.pdf

https://bjs.ojp.gov/content/pub/pdf/rsarp00.pdf

Here are some links to that shows how underreported SA is by the way since you questioned in another ask how we know SA is underreported. Of course you can always do a deeper dive on your own, there’s plenty of information about SA online.

You only think I'm ignorant about it because you are so bad at understanding what you read and following the conversation.

Once again, you don't understand what we're talking about. We're not talking about the number of sexual assault cases in general. We're talking about the number of abortions that happen due to sexual assault. The 1% number is the best estimate we have. We can't just pretend the number is a lot bigger because of the issue of sexual assault being underreported.

This isn't about sexual assault being underreported. That's a different conversation. The issue of the percentage of abortions due to sexual assault is what we're talking and none of the points you brought up or the links you share have anything to do with that discussion.

The Guttmacher Institute is a pro-choice organization and they did the stats. You can't just say that's not correct and expect your word to be enough. What credentials do you have to refute that percentage?

If we were talking about the percentage of sexual assault cases that are reported then your message would make sense and we could address those things, but that's not we're talking about. What is your evidence that more than 1% of abortions are due to sexual assault?

But even if the 1% number wasn't correct and it was higher, the chances that it's significantly higher are slim to none. So either way, it's still the minority of abortion cases and my point would still stand.

I don't even know how bad your reading comprehension has to be to see the statistic that tells us less than 1% of abortions are due to sexual assault and translate that into some kind of claim about the percentage of sexual assault cases that are reported to the police or whatever. You didn't prove the research from the Guttmacher Institute wrong. You just proved you don't understand what we're talking about.

[paigenoelchas-blog]

Over Your Shoulder

03: Into the Dark

MC's POV:

Jake looks into the rearview mirror and meets my eyes. "The GPS shows that we will reach our destination in about 20 minutes." He is uneasy but calm. This makes me nervous, but I trust him completely to keep everyone safe, I just hope that he doesn't put himself in danger to do so. I know he will if he deems it necessary. Why did Richy come back now, after three years, after breaking everyone's hearts? I may be able to forgive him and understand the reasons for his actions, but I don't think I can forget and I don't know if I can ever trust him again, not in life and not with Jessy. I want to be a better person and move on, but he caused so much grief without a thought for any of us.

Jessy seemed to relax after the impromptu heavy metal portion of the evening. I am not sure if that is what she wants me to think or if it is the truth. I used to be able to read her, but lately, she has been saying things and doing things just to make the rest of the group happy. I am not sure if she is acting or if she is being sincere. What scares me is that I think that she is convinced that Richy is the only thing that will make her happy again, despite the risk of danger. I can't blame her. I would have run into the worst danger imaginable if it meant Jake and I could be together and I wouldn't have given a second thought to living a life on the run with him. The difference is, Jake would have never let me do that. I don't know how desperate RIchy is, or how lonely. Sometimes when you have been alone so long, it clouds your judgment, and let's face it, he has never been the most logical person.

Phil is currently snoring and though I have absolutely no intention of ever becoming involved with him, I can't deny that his little noises are absolutely adorable. I see his appeal. He is charming even when asleep. The more I get to see his heart and the more that he hangs out with Jake, the more I cherish his friendship and the devotion that he has for the people that he has chosen to love. He would never want me to acknowledge that, it would ruin his reputation, so I will keep it to myself. I know it is one of the reasons that Jake trusts him. They have that trait in common.

No one, though, no one is as capable and confident and wonderful as Jake. He is a calming force, both in my everyday life and in moments of stress or possible danger as this one is. I don't know what I would do without him. No one can make my soul rest or my toes curl. No one can make me laugh or feel alive or safe like he does. He is everything and I mean that. I stare at him through the rearview mirror and as our eyes lock, I am lost in the memories of times spent with him. 

_____________________________________________________________

Jake's POV:

She is everything I have in this world and all that makes me who I am. I can't do life without her, If I have to send her away, It will be the hardest thing I have ever done. She will go, but she will hate me just a little until my return. I can't imagine what it will be like for her to have to crawl back into that life of worry. If I could protect her from it, I would. I would, however, also rather die a thousand deaths than live with the idea that I hadn't done absolutely everything that I could to ensure her safety. 

I don't know what we are facing exactly and I suppose there is still hope that this will end well. Richy returning from the dead after three years and saying he needs help makes me fear that this help will not be fast and will not be without a little pain. I hope she trusts me enough to know that I will return to her and never leave her for good. I know that she is strong and can handle it without me in the meantime. I have no doubts about our reunion but remain concerned about the events that will happen in the meantime.

This whole adventure is about Jessy. She needs answers and I need to see an honest smile on her face. I know that she is MC's best friend, but I love her as much as MC does and I know that her happiness leads to the happiness of my beloved. I am fighting for both of those things.

Dragging my eyes from the rearview mirror, I stare at the seat next to mine. Never would I have thought that the snoring idiot lying next to me would be the one person I would want beside me in a fight. He has become someone that I can trust. If we run into a bad situation, I know he will put the women first and he will listen to me and follow my plan. I also know that he has many skills that I do not and in that way, we make the perfect team., though I am loathed to admit it.

We have driven for a long time. The area that we are in is deep in the mountains. I haven't seen a major road in about an hour. The air is getting colder and the trees are becoming taller. I don't know how Richy got out here, I don't know where he has been. This terrain is unfamiliar to me, but I am pretty sure we have crossed country lines into Austria. The air feels different somehow. I have lost the signal on my phone which gives more detail and am relying on a rather rudimentary GPS to get us to our location. It works, but it makes things a little more difficult when trying to plan an escape.

I will find a way to bring us all back to safety. If it is required, that promise includes Richy.

____________________________________________________________

Jessy's POV:

MC is the best friend a girl could ask for, but no words that she has to say can help me get ready for this situation. I love him. I know this and the truth is that I have already forgiven him. Nothing that he has done will keep me from running into his arms and from wanting to be with him.

Five minutes until I am in his arms. 

I don't care what they all think. I have cared for too long. Every second of the past three years has been spent thinking of how to act so my friends wouldn't worry and so I could have some sort of normalcy again. None of my emotions have really been shown. I know that MC, and even Jake see the sadness, but none of what they saw was the depths of my feeling. I made sure of that. 

Since the moment that Richy called to tell me goodbye, my heart has been broken and unable to be repaired. He is the one who knew the depths of my heart. He could make me laugh and disarm me with one of those smiles of his. I wish I had told him and that is much of the regret that I have been living with. To get a second chance, to do things right is something that I won't take for granted. I will not waste this opportunity and I won't be talked out of being by his side.

I had a lapse in the bathroom, one which unnerved MC. I can not allow that again. Once more, I figured out how to push down my feelings and carry on, like a brave soldier. She means well and I love her for it, but life is hard when you are suffocating and think that maybe your last chance to really breathe is so close. Especially when that last chance hadn't really left and was always on your mind, sitting on your shoulder, never leaving you alone. MC is asking me questions and I am answering in my best voice, the one that I have been using for the last three years. 

Five minutes until I can be who I really am, five minutes until my heart can be whole again, five minutes until my lungs can fill with the sweet air that they have been longing for.

_____________________________________________________________

MC'S POV:

Jessy is answering all of my questions and she sounds good, strong even. I sense something dark inside of her. I don't trust it. I don't think she can make a wise decision on her own. I am going to have to do things to keep her safe and she won't like them. I hope she understands. I don't know if I will still have a friend after this, but I am willing to risk it all to keep her safe.

Her safety means more to me than her friendship. 

I dread what I may have to say or do, but I don't trust Richy's actions to be honorable. I believe that he will do what he thinks is in his own best interest and that is not the place that Jessy needs to be. She will hate me when I tell her that we have to go. She will hate me when I keep information from her. She will hate me when I tell her that I can not forget the pain that he has caused. I can not help those things. I will keep her safe and she won't be until this help that Richy has asked for has been completed.

There is a part of me that is willing to give him a chance, but it won't be easy for him to get near her or earn my trust. 

Surely Jessy will understand that in the end.

______________________________________________________________

Jake's POV:

I see a light down the road, out here in the middle of nowhere. I assume that is the place we are headed to as I look back in the mirror at my love. I want to take her image and lock it away in my brain. I want these last minutes with her to become indelible in my heart and mind because I have a bad feeling about what lay ahead. I don't want to go into hiding again, but part of me believes that this is the way it is going to be for a while.

"Is that it?" Jessy asks excitedly from the back seat, pointing at the light in the dark night.

"I believe it is," I answer Jessy and send a look back to MC. It was supposed to be a matter of fact, but MC picks up on my dread.

I reach over and shake Philip. "Hey man, we are almost there. Would you mind wiping the drool off of your face?"

He does just that, and sits up slowly, he better wake up fast. Jessy's excitement makes me nervous.

Phil's POV:

It's about time. I am ready to get this over with. Jessy will run to him and she will risk it all for this idea of love. One of the things that makes Jessy who she is. She can be foolish with her heart. It is one of the things that I admire about her, but it scares me in this situation. I will do all that I can to keep her safe. She is my closest ally and my deepest friend. She may not speak to me after this, but she will be safe

I trust Jake and his plan I know that he loves my sister as much as I do and I know that he will move heaven and earth to keep both Jessy and MC safe. What he says goes, because, in war, there is no room for egos. He has skills that I don't have and that makes us the perfect pair, though I will never let him know that.

The car stops and while the wheels are still moving, Jessy rushes out toward the building in the dark. Damn it. I am going to have to follow her, rushing into the night with no defense. 

______________________________________________________________

MC's POV:

I watch as Jessy runs out of the car with Phil following close behind. 

He moves around the car, with his hand on my waist, trying to help me out and grab Richy's backpack out of the back seat. I spin him and kiss him fiercely. It may seem foolish, but I was not going to let him go without showing him that my heart and soul will always belong to him.

"I love you with all of me, Jake."

"I know," He says with a firm voice, "You have and you are my heart, but we have to focus now, my love. For all of our safety." He says as he holds my cheeks in his hands. "You must do as I say, even if it breaks both of our hearts. I will never leave you forever. I will always come home."

I nod with tears in my eyes. My heart is breaking, but I know this may be how it has to be.

We grab hands and sprint into the darkness and into what I am afraid will lead to a great deal of danger. I know that he can hear my tears and that is doing nothing to help calm him, but my heart is heavy. I will be strong when I must.

_____________________________________________________________

Jessy's POV:

I know it is foolish to run to him as I am. I know that it may bring danger to the people that I love. But right now I only care about him. I only want him. I only need him.

I continue to head toward him at a full run now. My feet can't move fast enough. My heart pushes me forward. The building is close, but I haven't seen him yet.

Then, he peeks out from the door of the dimly lit cabin. It is more of a shack than a cabin. As I get closer, I can see how rough this place really is. How long has he been living like this? It can not continue. 

I know it is him, but only because I hear his voice. He looks nothing like the Richy I remember. Slightly hunched and leaning a little to one side, he is wearing a mask, not unlike Jake's when we first met him. It is both terrifying and intimidating. Not to me. He would never scare me. I know who he is in the best of ways. My arms wrap around his neck and he slides his arms around my waist. The hug is tight as if I am the sole reason that he is able to live. I feel his love. I haven't stopped to breathe, though I know he is my air. "Jessy, " he whispers, " How I have missed you." I refuse to let go even when I hear Phil yelling, asking the man in my arms to identify himself.

"Jessy, I don't want to admit it, but Phil is right. You should be more cautious with who you give these kinds of hugs." He won't let me go, merely slipping around sideways and yelling, "Phil. Remember that weekend we went to Coleville and met those twins, Misty and Mandy. They asked us to...."

"Ok, enough" Phil interrupts. "You may be Richy, but you are still not off the hook. I still don't trust you" 

I grab him tighter. I will get all that I can of him before any of his stories have to come out before the group deems it necessary to remove me from him for safety. They will have a fight on their hands. His arms wrap around me tighter and he pulls me into the shadows, making me feel alive and warm and somehow safe, even when I know it is anything but safe. His eyes dart to the sky from side to side, looking for any threat. I know that he has made mistakes, big ones, but I don't care. He is mine and I am his.