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russellsppttemplates · 6 days

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Straight from the heart (Lando Norris)

It takes a bad race for Lando to notice how much he has neglected your relationship, and he can only hope he can fix it

Note: english is not my first language. I was fighting the other piece I was writing so I jumped to this one and I did something a little bit different (* cough cough * longer) and see how it goes! I'm not sure how good this is (or how much you will want to kill me), but I promise this has a happy ending!! 🥹🫶

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: relationship struggles, curse words

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3

The result on the screen was not the one you hoped. Lando had a wonderful race, but a mixture of bad strategy calls, dark rain clouds appearing on the sky with only a couple of laps left to finish the race and the wrong tire compound made him lose a good number of places, cars overtaking him in the last seven laps.

"Is the race over?", you mother asked as she stepped inside the living room, carrying the curtains she had left out to dry and proceeding to hang them back in their place.

"Yes, just now", your father said as he adjusted the volume on the TV, "let me help you, darling", he offered, getting up and standing beside your mum in case she got out of balance.

"Are you going to call Lando?", your mother asked once her squinty eyes read the position he had finished in. Even though the prescription glasses were on the table, she insisted she didn't want any mishaps after she accidentally dropped her last pair while she was gardening and one of your younger cousins found a rusty frame a couple of months later when he was over.

"I'm not, I don't think - he's flying back tonight and the timezone is so different, I don't want to bother him", you blurted defensively, making up excuses as you went along with your answer, "he's doing the interviews, and I'm sure the debrief will be long and torturous - he will need his rest to fly back", you stated as you got up, "I have to check on the project I handed in on Friday, the professor said he would post the grades around this time and if we want to appel, we have to do it right away - I'll be in my bedroom".

The subject was an open wound that stung everytime you so much heard a mention of it, let one having to seem completely okay with it when it ripped through your heart.

The calendar on your wall is full of stickers, both with notes, urgent matters and things you couldn't forget. It's the last stretch, you tell yourself, one more week and then it's done and you'll have a well deserved break.

A knock on your door catches your attention as you reply with the allowance to let whoever is on the other side in, "is something wrong?", you asked. Lately, the negative side of your mind was the first one to speak.

"That's what I want to ask you - that conversation we just had downstairs was not your usual self", she sighed as she pointed to the living room, "I've noticed you haven't mentioned him much, but I don't want to intrude or offer my help because I know you don't like meddling", your mother looked for your eyes before you could fully focus on the wooden floor.

"Things have been rough between us lately", you sighed, "Lando is keeping me at a distance, and I don't know the reason why, mum", you shrugged, "I don't know if it's because I've known him all my life and the comparison is so profound, but it seems he only cares about racing and his friends, and I'm nowhere in the mix. We rarely call eachother, no texting - I know the triple headers are intense, but all I got from him were reactions to my stories and a little video from Max where he's in it and said something to me", you recalled, "I can't be the only one making an effort, can I? Either he realised where this is going and we catch it while we can, or I don't know where this is going, I don't know where we're going".

Your mother's heart broke as she saw you allow the tears you had held on to fall freely, your sleeves bunched up on your hands to wipe them, "and have you talked about this? A long, grown-up and serious conversation?", she mused.

"We have barely been with eachother, mum!", you whispered shakily as more tears got caught on your throat.

"Couples go through phases, darling - do you think me and your father was all smooth sailing?", she tried to get you to smile as she brushed your hair while she hugged you, "you need to talk to eachother, seriously and let it all out, nothing is off limits because that's how you'll get to where you need to".

You kept your head on your mother's chest, accepting her comforting hold despite being an adult. A mother's hold was truly the best.

You hoped she was right and this was something that would pass. A rough patch that you and Lando would work through a look back on with a sense of accomplishment.

This wasn't how you and Lando end, is it?

Max and Lando headed for the plane as soon as they left the race track, having made prior arrangements to had their luggage there waiting for them once they arrived. Max was the first to sit down and get himself comfortable on the seat, texting his girlfriend to let her know they were leaving.

"Y/N hasn't called or even texted me, nothing", Lando mumbled, "didn't she watch the race? Doesn't she know that I need her?".

Max weighed in the good and the bad that his next few words could do. He could either be honest and encourage his best friend to finally come to his senses, or keep covering the lie and perpetuate the suffering and miscommunications.

"This is not how I wanted to do this - truth be told, I never wanted to have to do it", Max rambled off.

Lando was quick to notice that there was more to it than just this instance, "you know something - she's my girlfriend, Max, if something is happening, I deserve to know", he said in an antsy tone.

"Are you really so blind to it? Have you not noticed it yet? Damn it, Lando, I've been on your side, trying to clean it up and now I'm questioning it", Max declared as Lando only grew more confused.

"What am I missing Max?", Lando snapped, even catching his own self off guard at the reaction he had.

"Mate, think about the last couple of months and whether or not you have been a good boyfriend, or even the boyfriend Y/N deserves", Max offered.

Lando wasn't expecting that answer or point of view.

The last couple of months roll through his memory as if he's watching a movie and when he tries to select the moments he spent with you, he finds himself struggling to gather any at all. He can't remember any of the times you spent together, and considering his memory isn't that bad, it could only mean those moments didn't even happen. Thinking about it, he can remember the last time he held you in his arms, just the two of you.

"Fuck!", Lando shouted, punching the arm rest.

"Glad you figured that one out almost all on your own", Max tsked, "do you really think you deserve any interaction from Y/N? Thought so", Max muttered. He didn't like the situation his friends found themselves in, and he certainly didn't feel any joy in the words he told Lando, but the truth wasn't always easy to hear.

"Seems Y/N doesn't think so either", Lando mumbled, "do you know anything? Has she told you anything?".

He wasn't sure he deserved to know, but he needed to.

"The last time I spoke to her she didn't say anything - you know how Y/N doesn't want to bother anyone with her things and getting information from her is harder than solving the world's problems -, but P and her talk here and there", Max reasoned, "she obviously won't tell me all the details but from what I can tell, Y/N has really taken a toll because of this, P is always quite upset whenever it comes up", Max offered. Quite upset wouldn't cover it, so much so that, unbeknownst to Lando, the last couple of time Max's girlfriend couldn't join them for their plans was an orchestrated excuse from her to avoid being in the same room as the McLaren driver.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!", Lando groaned into his hands, "how could I not realise this was happening?".

"You want the honest, blunt truth?", Max asked and Lando nodded, "I know it's your job, but lately, it's all been about racing, and I think you've neglected Y/N ", Max offered.

McLaren had a one hundred and eighty degree turn lately. From struggling to get their cars in the points, the team had managed to turn things around to the point where P5 and P8 was considered a bad weekend for them.

With the new signings, Quadrant had grown exponentially and it had naturally drawn him to spend more time on it, and it seemed to have alienated everyone in his life that wasn't directly a part of those.

It wasn't intentional, but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt. And by the looks of it, the person Lando loved and cared about most was also the one he hurt the most.

They both sat in silence as the British drive thought about all of it. Things got so good that he didn't look back, he worked his hardest and gave every piece of himself to the cause and the new territory he was paving. Being on the podium was a common feature for him, and the race win was there, up for grabs and he wanted it. Yet, he had been dazzled by it and had let himself fly higher, his characteristic "both head and feet on the ground" posture no longer present and resulting in a degree of neglection for the things and people thay mattered to him.have always been important to me.

"How did I push away the most important person in my life and I'm just now realizing this?", Lando asked, not really expecting an answer, but rather to let out all the frustration that boiled inside him, anger soon following at his late realisation, "what's worse is that I've only come to realise this because you had to tell me - stupid, stupid, stupid".

"I don't know what you want me to tell you, mate, and frankly there isn't much I can, but look on the bright side: now you have a chance to fix it", Max tries to comfort Lando.

"What if it's too late? What if Y/N doesn't want to be with me anymore?", Lando voicesd his deepest fear. What if the anger had finally got to you and you wanted to call it quits?

"Wouldn't you be able to understand that? I don't think that is the case - I've never seen two people who love eachtoher more than you two, it's as disgusting as it it lovely most times. And even though she might feel angry or hurt, I believe she has it in her to forgive you", Max states.

"I hope you're right", Lando sighed as he tapped his phone, his finger hovering over your contact.

"I wouldn't do that", Max chirped, "you should rest before diving into anything about that topic, and today has had too many emotions as it is. Tomorrow is a new day for you to think about it", he advised.

With his head on the headrest, Lando went over everything that occupied his mind, allowing the heavy sinking feeling to settle in. To a degree, he deserved the discomfort he felt. Shame, guilt, frustration, remorse, embarrassment, overwhelm, sadness.

What if he had destroyed the thing that made him the happiest? If I managed to single out the person who loved him for him?

Lan 🧡

Hello. You were probably expecting a text or a call, but the last few days haven't been easy and I needed to ground myself a little. We really need to talk, Y/N. Do you think we can grab lunch today?

It irritated you how quick your heart was beating the minute you saw who sent you the text after you submitted all the projects that you had left. Battling an inner fight of whether or not you should answer it, you decided to so it. Rip the band-aid off, Y/N.

To Lan 🧡

Hello... We do urgently need to talk. I'm on my own today - where do you want to go?

Your tone was cold and unusual when you compared it to the older messages, filled with hearts and the pet names you had for eachother.

We can go to that café by the marina, the one with the paninis you really like.

Yes, we'll meet here at one pm.

Do you want me to pick you up?

No, I'll walk.

Your sunglasses are good enough to hide the nervous gloom on them as you walked to the marina. There is no script or guideline to go about this lunch other than honesty and finally admitting everything you were feeling. It could go either way and, truth be told, you believed it would go down the way it was supposed to.

Stepping on the wooden path to the small café's outside area, you looked for the boy whose arms were where you used to feel safe.

Lando chose a table that overlooked the water, the warm sun shinning and bringing out the blue of it. It would be a big conversation, and while the café wasn't crowded, he never knew how things could pan out so he went for the most demure spot.

When you take a proper look at him, it surprises you. His eyes are not shiny like they usually are - there's a dark hue surrounding them along with sadness.

"Hey", you utter out to grab his attention.

The moment he faces you, you feel naked despite the summery dress you have on. All vulnerabilities exposed for the person who knows you best and who can read you like the back of his hand.

"Hello, hi", Lando cleared his throat, "how have you been?".

Setting your bag on the chair, you shrugged, not ready to engage in casual chit chat.

"Do you already know what you are having?", he wondered.

"The italian panini and iced tea", you mumbled after looking at the menu he handed you, "have you ordered yet?", you mused before calling the waiter to do so.

The silence between you after the waiter left the table was painful and hard to digest. You avoided looking at his colourful eyes - once you did it, breaking down would be in an instant.

"We really need to talk, Y/N", Lando says.

"Do you want to go first? Or shall I?", you asked bitterly, accepting his silence.

The waiter comes back with your orders. The café doesn't have a big menu and it's mostly empty, so the service was quick, "I hope you enjoy it - Bon appétit!", he interrupted the tension filled moment.

"I recognise I need to apologize to you for all the things I did without realizing it an-", Lando was cut off by you.

"Let me stop you there before this derails", you stated, "I'm here to have a serious, grown up conversation, so I'm not going to sit here and listen to dusty and beaten up childish excuses".

If the ground could sink him into it, Lando would've accepted it gladly.

"It's a start that you have realised that something was wrong, but you can't excuse yourself like that, Lando. Not when this situation has taken proportions that you can't fanthom - you can't get away with being sorry for not noticing what you were causing", you argued.

Lando gave you a nod, "I'm still not sure about all the things that led us to this point and what it entails, and that's why I wanted you here. I don't want to be blind to it anymore - I want to get all of it so all the pieces make sense in my head. You probably won't believe it, Y/N, but I'm so lost in this. I feel like I've lived a parallel universe for the past couple of months", Lando added all in one go.

"When did your feet come back to the ground?", you mused, "when did you feel like maybe things weren't the way they should be?". The curiosity was killing you, and the answer could very well do the last stab.

"When I lost all of those places in the race", Lando gulped, "I expected you to call and to hear your comforting words, and they never came. Max was the one to bring my mind to the matter", he admitted and you could see he was the opposite of proud of his own actions, "How I've been the worst boyfriend in the world and how I deserved that you didn't call - hell, I'm not even sure if I deserve that you're here today and willing to listen to what I have to say".

It's difficult to maintain a tough appearance and pretend that his words don't affect you, but alas, you keep your armour on.

"That afternoon was a struggle for me, Lando. I wanted nothing more than to call you and hear your voice, silence your cornerns and negative thoughts, let you know that you're the best driver out there and that a bad race doesn't define you. That it wasn't your fault and that you shouldn't beat yourself up because of it, that I was still so proud of you and how you handled things and that nothing could keep me from shouting to the rooftops. But you didn't deserve it, my dignity has been punched by your actions day in day out for the past couple of months and I couldn't take it anymore".

"I need you to hear things from your side, I need to know your perspective so I can understand what I did wrong and if I'm able to fix it still", Lando asks desperately.

"We should start from the beggining then", you laced your hands on top of the table after taking a bite of your panini, "I think it was at the end of the last season - at the time it didn't seem like it, but looking at it now, it was the start. I even took some time off and travelled with you so we could enjoy your break, then I came back for university. It's never easy, I know, but up until then we never had any issues with it - even if it was a bloody run, we made time for eachother. Then, you barely texted, let alone call - but all relationships hit rough patches and I thought that it was ours. Then Christmas came around and we finally felt like us again, there were no work or uni commitments, and it was bliss. After that, life happened again and I couldn't find a way to spend time with you - there was always a Quadrant video to film or a meeting or some event. You, Max and Martin went to Bali, and despite the fact that I didn't have any exams and could easily do university stuff remotely - like I do everytime - you didn't even think to ask me if I wanted to go or if I had planned something for us in the first place. I just took it for granted that you would spend it with me, but when P showed me the photos I looked like a fool and an ungrateful friend and girlfriend because I stayed back, Lando. I never felt so humiliated. Max had his girlfriend and you didn't, you ignored me as if I didn't matter to you", you breathed out. Ruminating was one thing, talking about it out loud was another. The latter angered you less and hurt more.

"I'm sorry", Lando murmured and you were quick to shoot it down.

"I don't need you to apologize now, Lando. What I needed was for you to make a decision then, one that considered me and what I wanted", you sighed, wiping a stubborn tear that got out, "after that, I just watched you pull further and further away, and I tried to get closer, work things out, but you wouldn't let me in. You floated and floated and I stayed here, both feet glued to the ground as I watched you go higher and higher. You were never like this, letting things get to your head wasn't something you ever did, but it happened. You alienated me in such a way that for this triple header, I didn't hear your voice once unless it was from the TV or the McLaren social media. You only wanted to call when you needed comfort, and it hurts that it took Max to help you see things the way they are", you state as tears fell uncontrollably down your cheeks.

Apart from your earlier bite, both wooden serving boards look full and no one made a move to go further.

"You told me time and time again that you would always be there for me, but when I was the one needing a cuddle and reassuring words, I was all alone in my bedroom, crying because of you. When you said you'd be there for me, I guess you failed to account for the fact that you can't protect me from yourself.. Because what hurt me these past couple of months was you", you declared, sniffling and, finally, looking into Lando's swollen and tear-filled eyes.

The tears Lando has been holding back fell. He was angry with himself, at how he had done the one thing he promise not to do to you. He made you hurt, he was the reason you were in pain and he couldn't keep you from feeling it.

"I wish I could tell you there was a reason behind it and that it all has some justification, but there isn't and I can't lie to you. I was propelled from the results and the promise that this could be our year - my year - and everything else faded away. I know it's not any help, but I'm not proud of what I did, and definitely not proud of the way I made you hurt - I wish I could turn back time and do it differently", Lando confessed.

"I needed you, Lando", she bit back.

Lando couldn't find any words after that and once you began eating the now cold panini, he followed your movements, granting you the quietest meal you ever shared with him. Lando was playful, loud, cheery and giggly on any other day. As much as it nagged you that your words were the ones to dim that light, you had to put yourself first. Someone had to.

"Can we walk along the marina?", Lando asked once you finished eating, earning your nod to his surprise.

You both get up, Lando paying for your meal at the front before you left the establishment. You walked along, looking at the luxurious boats and yachts before you found a part of the wall that you was comfortable enough to sit on, remaining in silence as you watched a couple of people unlock their yachts and sailing away.

Lando wanted to say something, to prove to you that he was sorry and that he still loves you more than anything, but the fear of saying the wrong thing and hurting you even deeper was not something he wanted to risk.

"You're going to break up with me, aren't you?", Lando voiced the biggest worry on his mind since he left his apartment.

"I walked here, so I had time to think about all of this, and all I could think was that I was going to meet you there, be reminded of all the pain you made me feel, and then we wouldn't see a solution to this. And on my way here, it got harder because I passed by the shop where we always go for croissants, and then that park where I tripped and you carried me home because of my bruised knee even though I could walk just fine, the bench where that lady asked if Mila was our daughter when your brother visited. And when I arrived at the café and saw you, I knew there was no way I could do it", you half smiled.

"I struggled to see what was happening, and I didn't see what was clearly in front of me, and I know I can't undo all of the crap that I've made", Lando pointed out, "but I can say that I love you, Y/N. I love you even more than when I asked you to be my girlfriend, which I never thought was possible, but everyday I love you a little bit more. I know I won't be able to love anyone the way I love you and, honestly, I'm not sure who I am without you, because I've turned into a person I don't recognise anymore and I'm afraid that if I don't have you around, this is the real me, and I don't like it. You make me a better person - since day one! I'll love you forever, but I also understand that you don't need this pressure in your life and that you want us to be over. I deserve that", Lando mumbled.

As much as the idea of not being with you hurt him, he knew it didn't equate to the pain he caused you hence why he deserved it if you dumped him.

"You're making it so hard", your groaned rubbing your temples, "It would have been so much easier if you had told me that you didn't care about this, that you didn't care about me anymore".

"That's never going to happen, Y/N", Lando assured you.

"It would be so much easier if I told you to fuck yourself off, wouldn't it?", you chuckled and Lando got to see a small glimpse of the world's best smile, "but I can't do it - I do think, though, that we need to take some time, for both of us to work on our own things", you suggested.

"I get it, you can have all the time and space you need, Y/N", Lando nodded, "would it be too much to ask if I asked you for another shot?", he wondered as you quirked an eyebrow, "I know you just asked me for some time, and I'll give it to you, but I'm not going to let you entertain the thought that I don't care about you or that I don't love you any longer. I'm still the same person you met all those years ago and I want to remind you why you fell in love with me in the first place - if that's even the case", he blurted, "please".

"Slow steps, okay?", you mused with a small small.

"Is it still the case?", Lando picked up where he left off, "are you still in love with me?".

"If I wasn't in love with you and if I didn't love you, trust me, I wouldn't be here", you smiled, squeezing his hand in yours on top of the warm stone.

Over the last couple of days, you felt lighter. University was finally over for the semester and you could rest, and the whole situation with Lando was better. Even though it hurt to tell him all of those things and see his reaction, and even if Lando still had a lot to make up for, you had to admit you didn't expect to feel like this right away. The right path was being trailed and you couldn't feel more at peace with it.

So far, he kept his respectful distance, which didn't mean that you didn't know he was there. Two days after you met him in the marina, Lando sent you a bunch of flowers to your doorstep, your mother being the one to bring them up to your bedroom since she was arriving from work as the delivery man was about to knock on the door, smirking when she saw who it was from.

You were getting ready to go out for a picnic with Lando. The sunny day invited you to go out and Lando seemed to think the same, sending you a quick text with the location and plan ideas.

"Where are you off to?", your mother asked as she noticed you looking for your hat, "you look very nice, dear".

"Lando invited me for a picnic", you offered her a smile despite the butterfly feeling on your tummy.

"I'm glad you're working things out, Y/N - I know how much you care about him. And even if he hurt you, he's doing the work to get you back - a lot of men would just give up, but not Lando", your mother nudged. She always liked him despite her initial concerns when he moved up the racing ladder and the toll it would take on you. For a brief moment, she was upset that she had been right, but she never lost the hope that the young man dating her daughter would fight for them and for her. For you.

"I'm not sure how long I'll be out, but if I'm not home for dinner, don't worry too much", you added, waving at her before closing the door.

You drove yourself to the park, politely declining Lando's offer to pick you up. As you followed the directions, you spotted Lando under one of the trees, seemingly battling with the corner of the picnic blanket.

"Hey, need help with that?", you called as you approached him, noticing his flustered face at getting caught.

"Hey! It's fine, it's fine", he dusted off his shorts, "I didn't fold the corner properly, never mind iron this", he grumbled.

"We're going to sit on it, I don't think we needed it ironed", you smiled, setting your small backpack on the blanket and occupying the space that wasn't covered with glass containers and pape bags, noticing the logo of your favourite bakery and the sweets shop near Lando's apartment.

"So, I baked these - who knew my oven works, hm?", he joked as he pulled out some granola bars that smelled delicious, "Jon did give me the recipe, but I made them! He says they don't have any harmful raw ingredients in them so there's no danger if they're not cooked properly".

"You could've told me to bring something too", you sighed, "you had all this trouble and I'm just going to sit here and eat it", you reasoned.

"I think we've gathered that I deserve all this trouble, even though I didn't mind doing it - I think I finally get it when people say they find baking relaxing, even if I just threw some oats and syrup on a bowl with nuts and chocolate", Lando shrugged.

You smiled at his antics, "this looks lovely, Lan - thank you", before you grabbed a paper napkin to grab the food.

Lando's heart did a little backflip at the pet name - when he thought about it, he can't remember the last time you called him anything other than his name.

He wiped the thought away as he noticed you get one of the paper bags, "It was no trouble, but I did have to make sure the lady at the pastry shop knew I was the next in line because there was this lady, you should've seen her, she was, like, eighty? I don't know, maybe more than that, and she was very posh and very proper and she was trying to cut in line! Then she started saying something in French and I was like 'no can do, madam! I need to get these croissants for my girlfri- for Y/N because they're her favourites' - I bet she wanted to get them first but I did!", he dramatised the scene, earning your loud laugh. How much he missed that sound.

"Seems like it was a little troublesome, though", you teased. Inside your chest, your heart beat fast at his efforts.

"You're worth it", he smiled before taking a bite of the granola bar, "not to toot my own horn, but for someone who eats pre-prepared meals, this is amazing! Try these!", he offered, forming a shell with his hand before he brought it up to your mouth.

For anyone else, this would be just another set of cute behaviours, but for you, it carried a sense of intimacy you hadn't felt in a while. Taking a bite of it and chewing, you had to admit the balance of the nutty taste and the chocolate was on point, "it is good, Lan! You should make granola bars more often - might even make a side business out of it!", you smiled.

"Charles has some ice-cream, there's alcohol from the other guys too - me? Granola bars", he smiled, eating the rest of it and looking at you. He would never be stupid again. He would never take you for granted. Never ever.

The conversation flowed once you started eating, mainly pointing out the new swings in the park or the pretty blooms that were showing up, and even though you weren't acting like you would had it not happened, it was comfortable and Lando had definitely put some effort into this.

"Thank you for this, Lando", you smiled after you helped him clean up the supplies, making sure he wouldn't have any spills and trouble taking the rest home.

"It's alright, really", Lando mumbled as blood rushed to his cheeks, "it wasn't much, but I wanted to make sure you remembered I'm still in and that I love you more than anything", he smiled, closing the basket and getting up with it to walk back to the car, "which actually brings me to an invite I want to make you", he went back to mumbling again.

The invite was a risk, he knew it. After all, it was the reason that got your relationship here in the first place. Yet, he wanted you there and he thought it would be good. Adding to it, it would be the way that he could make sure he was able to see you as it would be a busy day.

"What is it?", you asked as you walked with him.

"The day after tomorrow, we're going karting - Max and P are coming over for a few days, they arrive tomorrow - and I was wondering if you wanted to join us", he invited, "I know it's not the best environment to be in given al-", he started rambling.

"I'd love to go, Lando", you assured, touching his arm confortingly, "I might need a ride though, if you don't mind doing the detour", you pointed out.

"It's fine, of course we'll pick you up!", he smiled, happy and excited at your answer.

"That's me", you nodded to your mother's car, unlocking it with the key, "thank you so much for this, Lan, I appreciate it a lot", you smiled, raising your stance so you could kiss his cheek, "will you text me the details when you know, please?".

"Yes! Absolutely!", he gave you a big smile again, "until then, Y/N!", he waved.

As Lando walked back to his car, there was an extra spring up on his step, a new found energy and a smile that insisted on not disappearing from his lips.

Little by little, he was slowly getting you back.

"Why are we going this way?", Max asked as Lando took the first exit on the roundabout, "isn't the track that way?".

Lando couldn't contain his smile, "we're going to pick Y/N up first".

Max and Pietra exchanged a look before rhe blonde woman spoke up, "you finally came to your senses?".

"P!", Max scolded.

"It's alright, Max - she's not wrong", Lando added, "but yes, I have, and I'm working on it, respecting her but making sure she knows how much I regret it, how sorry and how bad I feel that it happened and how I'm trying my hardest to make sure it does happen again", Lando turned around once he stopped at the red light, "Thank you for looking after her when I didn't, P. I know you have been a good friend to her, so thank you for that", he added.

"She didn't deserve what you did to her, but I'm happy you figured it out and that you're working on it - I don't say it too often, but if you two ever broke up, I would consider that true love isn't a thing, what you two have is something else entirely", she smiled.

"Excuse me?!", Max dramatised, "what did you just say?".

"Did I lie, Max? Who was it that came home in a nervous fit without any fingernails because they bit all of them off after Lando realised what happened? The same person who couldn't even sleep because of it? Who was it, hm?", she quesioned her boyfriend.

Lando chuckled at his friends, thinking that they really had been made for one another, "you two make me look like the sanest person inside this car", he shook his head, pressing the pedal and turning into your street.

There you were, the person he was sure was made for him too. Your outfit was simple, consisting of black jeans, black trainers, a shirt sleeve polo and a cardigan on your arm.

"Hi guys!", you greeted, getting inside the car and kissing Pietra's cheek before putting your seatbelt on.

"Why don't I get a kiss?", Max pouted.

"Because you stink, that's why", Lando chirped in, "all ready to go back there?", he mused, sending you a wink from the rear view mirror.

Blushing, you nodded before looking at Pietra again, accepting her hand in yours as she gave it a squeeze. For the whole drive to the track, you engaged light conversation, mainly listening to the plans they had for the clips they were filming before they raced eachother since you and P would happily drive around in the karts just to pass the time.

For the first segment, you stayed on the stands, watching the team get the equipment ready.

"How have you been, Y/N?", Pietra asked as she handed you a bottle of water she had gone to her and taking a sip of her own.

"I've been well - university is finally done with and I can actually have a thought that doesn't involve it", you giggled, "and Lando is home", you offered.

"Now, I wasn't going to be so blunt, but that is the subject I wanted to get at", she raised her eyebrows playfully.

"He's... Goodness, he's Lando again, my Lando", you sighed happily, "surely, it still stings a little and we need to work through our issues, but we're trailing our way through them. Learning our ways together - it's a bit like falling in love again and it's such a good feeling", you blushed at your admission, "it's doing us well and we're going with it, and not out of it", you smiled.

"Y/N", Pietra cooed, "you have no idea how make that makes me! It's so good to see you so happy and hopeful", she squeezed your arm, "I was ready to avenge you on him, by the way, Max did us both a favour in telling him, because I was sure what I wanted to do to Lando was considered a crime and I'm a good person", she raised her hands defensively.

Once the boys were done, Max waved at you to come down and meet them, giving them the time to get your equipment ready.

"Come here, I need to make sure you don't fly out of your kart this time", Max called his girlfriend after she was fully equipped to go on the single seater.

You finished the makeshift hairstyle before you looked for the helmet, finding it in Lando's hands, "come here, big head, I'll help you put it on", he smiled.

As you approached him, you could see his sudden nervousness at having you so close to him, hands setting the helmet on top of your head and then pulling in on, "Look who's talking", you mumbled quickly before it was all the way in, his fingers gingerly touching your neck as he did the strap buckle.

"All good for our speed daredevils?", Max joked, getting an instant slap from Pietra before he got up.

"Does it feel safe, Y/N?", Lando checked with you, making you wiggle a little to make sure you were strapped tightly enough, making you flash his two thumbs up.

"Ready, set, go!", Max yelled before you and Pietra went off, happily driving on the track despite not extracting the full potential out of the kart.

"You and Y/N seem well", Max offered as him and Lando took a break before they joined you back at the track.

"I don't think I'll ever stop feeling this guilt on my chest, it's like a weird weight that sits here and gets heavy every now and again", Lando explained, "but I think we're going in the right direction, and I'm going to spend every day of our lives making sure it never happens again. Y/N will never doubt my love or affection for her. I just want to make her happy now that she knows I know how much I screwed us up".

"I'm proud of you, man", Max tapped his back.

"You're what?", Lando asked, a little flustered at his bestfriends words.

"I'm proud of you, Lando - you're dealing with this in such a good way! I'm not saying I doubted you would, but seeing you actually do it and make it happen in such a grown up, loving and accountability filled way makes me proud of who you became. As much as I joke about it, what P said in the car was true - you and Y/N are it. Whenever I think about what endgame is, you two are the first thing that comes to mind", he admitted.

"Thanks, mate", Lando replied earnestly.

After a couple of laps from you, you saw the boys joining you in the track, making you assure that whenever they lapped you, you made a Mario Kart like noise, always managing to get a smile and a headshake from Lando and Max.

Once you were done, Max and Pietra volunteered to take all of the supplies back to the storage room.

"Did you enjoy your day, Y/N?", Lando asked as he approached you.

Surprising him, you nodded before you hugged him, "I haven't been this happy in a long time", you cuddled him, letting your head rest on his chest and letting yourself feel enveloped by his arms after the initial shock wore off.

"I'm glad", Lando uttered out before he composed himself, "I just want you to know that I could fulfill all your dreams and that there I'll never do anything to hurt you again. I'm well aware of all shit I've done and put you through, and how accountable I am for it. I just want to make you happy", he chuckled, "I don't want anything else in this world other than to make you happy, to show you how much I love you and that I want make this work, I want to make us work", he let out in such a serious and intense tone that you could feel a knot forming your throat, "you were my first love and I want you to be my last, Y/N".

"Lan...", you gasped softly, "I know it hasn't been good for you, but I just need a little bit more time to put it behind me, once for all", you added.

"I know, and that's alright", he mumbled against the top of your head, "I just wanted you to know that it is coming straight from my heart - everything I do, I do it for you", plucking up the courage to press a kiss there.

You closed your eyes and basked in the feeling, "two Bryan Adams references in the same sentence from the guy who used to DJ? You impress me, Lando Norris", you giggled and teased him playfully, feeling the rubble from his own laugh on his chest.

"I'll make sure to impress you everyday that we're alive, Y/N Y/L/N", he promised.

And he intended to keep it.

Lando invited you to his apartment for a cosy night in, thinking the plans over and over while he waited for you to arrive.

The delivery service was faster than he expected so he wrapped the takeout boxes in all of the kitchen towells he had so they would help retain the heat while you weren't there yet.

The whole apartment was tidy, he had your favourite blanket on the sofa and the TV had your favourite shows ready to stream in the background as you hopefully shared a comforting meal.

Your acceptance to come to his place made Lando feel very pleased with the way you were trailing in your relationship. He had been able to correct his mistakes and make you happy again. Even though there had been moments where he seemed to forget, he now knew that you had always been and will always be a priority in his life. He had never been in love with anyone else, and he was sure he would always be in love with you until his last breath.

A knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts, heading up to the door to open it, "Hello hello! Come in", he gestured as you stepped inside, pecking his lips on the way - a few days prior, you had kissed him out of nowhere when you went to the bookshop and you swore he looked like a cartoon, all wide eyes and blushy cheeks.

Lando assured you you wouldn't leave the house and it would be just the two of you, so you hadn't bothered to put together a proper outfit, opting to wear a pair of leggings and an old Quadrant hoodie.

"I wasn't sure if I should bring anything, so I stopped by the sweets shop to get some of these hard candies, apparently they're very trendy now", you giggled sweetly as you set the bag on his hands so you could take your trainers off.

"You didn't have to, but thanks! We'll do a taste test after dinner - which is here by the way", he guided you to the living room.

Unravelling the mountain of kitchen towells, he had you sit down before he opened the containers, handing you a plate after you chose a bit of each of the dishes he ordered, "thank you, Lan", you smiled, sitting criss-cross on the sofa and waiting for him to do the same before you started eating.

"These are really good, have you tried them? They're new on their menu and when the guy explained it to me, I thought you'd like it", he pointed to one of the bite sized pieces.

"They are! They're not too heavy on the seasoning and they're really nice when you dip them in this sauce - try it!", you offered him the small cup.

"Is this going to be like the time you made me dip my spring rolls in that other sauce you claimed was the best thing in the world?", he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Just try it, Lan!", you insisted, getting one from your plate, dipping it in the sauce and taking it up to Lando's mouth, your hand under the chopsticks in case some of it fell on his clothes.

Lando chewed it before nodding and humming in satisfaction, "is it good", he admitted with a smile after he wiped his lips.

Once you finished eating, you helped Lando bring everything back to the kitchen, saving the leftovers on his fridge, washing the plates and putting them away.

"You didn't have to help, I could've done it myself", Lando nudged before he laced your hand in his and pulled you back to the living room, "do you want to watch something?", he asked.

"There's this new Disney movie I haven't watched if you're up for it - or any of the shows we usually watch, I'm not picky", you answered quickly.

"Disney it is", he smiled sitting down and resting his arm on the back of the sofa, hoping you'd sit next to him and cuddle him.

You shuffled around before grabbing the fluffy blanket, pulling it over your legs and tentatively closing the distance between you, taking the plunge and taking a spot on his chest.

Once the movie was playing, Lando's arm dropped to wrap around you, lulling you closer to him and rubbing your arm.

"I can hear you thinking, and I'm sure you're not thinking about that little goat", you nodded to the screen.

"I'm watching the movie, I swear - and he's quite funny actually! He's also Mila's favourite character, at least he was last week", Lando chuckled, "but I was also thinking about us", he admitted.

"You were?", you turned to look up at him, wanting to know more.

"You do know I will apologize for what I did until the end of our lives, don't you?", Lando reflected out loud.

"Lando, stop it, it's forgiven and forgotten", you offered.

"Is it really?", he asked, a small smile breaking his way into his lips.

"It is, it's behind us now", you kissed his clothed chest.

"I will never forget it, though. It doesn't matter how many times you tell me to forget it or that you've forgiven me", he let out a shaky sigh, "I don't think I will, I hate myself for what did to you, the hurt that I caused you".

"Lando, let's not talk about it right now - not now, not ever. It's a part of our story, yes, and we learned from it, but I don't want to to remember every day. We are good now, and I don't want you to torture yourself with something that is out of your reach and that you can't change", you told him sternly, now sitting back against the sofa so you can face your boyfriend, "Promise me we won't mention this again, Lando".

"You're right", Lando agrees, "Okay, you're right, I promise, Y/N", he stated with a smile.

Your delicate lips peck his quickly before you go in for a second kiss, longer and more intense this time, and you both got lost in eachother.

You couldn't change what happened, but you could learn from it and work everyday to make sure it never happened again.

Lando was crazy about you, about who he was when was with you and how you made him feel, and you felt the same way about him.

"I love you, Lando", you smiled after you pulled away, resting your forehead in his.

"I love you forever, Y/N", he whispered, sealing his promise with a peck and bracing himself, "I'm never taking you for granted, and maybe this is a big gesture and I'm not sure how much this fits our new way - new patch? It's not a patch if we want it to last forever, right? - anyway, I would like to ask you to move in with me", Lando stated, "it doesn't have to be tomorrow or right away, we'll do it when you're ready! I just- I spend so much time of the year away as it is, and I don't want to cut the short time even shorter when it comes to you, so this way we'll be together for a bit longer - even if it's just at nightime and we can intertwine our legs or I can warm up the bed for you", he rambled on and you were sure he wouldn't stop anytime soon.

"Hey, hey! Lando, baby", you cupped his face with your hands, "look at me", you smiled as you straddled his lap, your thighs on each side of his and keeping you from fully sitting on him, "good now?".

"Well, since you're already there - sit, please", Lando added before he allowed himself to stress about your answer.

"I don't want to squash you", you mumbled.

Laying his hands in your thighs, he pulled you down, "I said sit down", he spoke sternly despite the playful glint on his eyes, "it's my home after all, I get to make the rules".

"Oh, I thought it was our home, but maybe I misread th-", your playfulness was cut short as your boyfriend flipped you around, your back hitting the soft sofa cushion with a yelp.

"You're moving in? For real?", he asked.

"Yes, baby, I'm moving in", you cupped his cheek, pulling him for a kiss, "I love you".

"My love, I'm going to spend everyday reminding you how beautiful, how strong", he started kissing your face with every word, "how kind, how amazing, how sexy, how hot, how smart, how kind, how incredible you are", he stopped just above your lips, "how all mine you are - I love you Y/N, forever", before he kissed your lips.

#lando norris imagine #lando norris fanfic #lando norris x reader #lando norris fic #lando norris x you #lando norris fluff #lando norris angst #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 fluff #f1 angst #ln4 x reader

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piscesmoonpress · 7 months

Text

Choices by MesserMoon (@sophsicle)

People make mistakes, but they also make choices. It’s important to James, that difference. He does his best not to confuse the two.

Fandom: Harry Potter Pairing (s): Regulus Black/James Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans, Remus Lupin/Sirius Black

AHHHH I am SO excited to share this bind—but first, I want to say thank you to Soph for letting me make (my first ever) author copies for this story. I'm definitely a beginner bookbinder but I truly hope I've done this fic justice <3

The design process for this bind was probably one of my favorite parts. I decided to go with some really simple design elements in comparison to my other binds, primarily because I felt it was more fitting for the story, and I was inspired by some of the design choices made in my personal copy of Song of Achilles.

Photographed here are the author's copies, so I've held off on posting about them until now:

(The dedications are all pulled from Soph's playlist for the fic, and each quote reminds me of that particular volume, given that there are three. Pictured above is the dedication for the first volume.)

624,188 words | 1,945 pages

Title Font: Cinzel Decorative Body: Crimson Text Headers/Capitalization/Dedication: Palatino Nova

Some elements of this bind were entirely new to me, such as the fact that it was an in-boards three piece bradel binding. It was also my first time painting edges, as well as rounding spines. Neither of these things turned out perfect, even after completing personal copies, but i did learn a lot of don't's.

One of the things that I did in the process of this bind that I LOVED was combining two different decoration styles. I've done covers that are either completely foiled, or completely HTV—but not both. For this cover design, I was struggling to figure out the best way to make the upside-down antlers on the cover pop. Adding HTV over a full foil cover was the perfect way to get the look I wanted:

(The contrast/shininess is best pictured in the process photo on the left.)

Special thanks to both @maybebabyplease for listening to my rants about this bind since July, as well as the @renegadepublishing discord server.

As large a bind as this was, it was so so much fun to bring to life this incredible story that holds such a special place in my heart as well as the fandom's.

#bookbinding #fanbinding #jegulus #marauders #my books #wolfstar #choices messermoon #harry potter #hp fandom #ficbinding

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cursedvibes · 3 months

Text

I think Yuuji getting through to Megumi and finding out he has no will to live anymore would've been more impactful if we saw more of him during his possession than the three panels stretched over nearly 40 chapters where he's always just lying on the floor crying.

We initially get input that he's trying to fight back against Sukuna after he was hit with Jacob's Ladder, but then he's essentially just a footnote. "Btw, Megumi is somewhere in there and he's suffering." But we don't really see it.

I think it all comes down that the moment that really broke him, the Yorozu vs Sukuna fight should've given him more focus and Tsumiki. If that moment really hit and we saw him give up, his lack of presence for the rest of the chapters wouldn't be such a big problem.

The Yorozu fight was really just focused on her and Sukuna and their history. You get a mention that Sukuna is doing this to break Megumi and oh no, Tsumiki would die too, but really it's about Yorozu's character and Sukuna learning to handle 10 Shadows. Everything is about them, their jokes and then as a last addition we get "oh yeah, Megumi is sad because someone who has his sister's face died". Everything is already over at that point there is no tension, we don't feel with Megumi because the focus is on other people who vaguely look like him and Tsumiki. Looks are the only real connection to the sibling drama here and I think Yorozu and Sukuna don't even look that much like them. That should've been better balanced.

Take Yuuji's breakdown in Shibuya for example. That makes him want to die as well and throw everything away. We're there with him, how he goes through briefly raised hopes to crushing defeat, how his face distorts as he sees Nanami and Nobara die before him. He's going through anger, fighting with grit teeth for as long as he can until he just curls in on himself and wants to die like his friends. We hear his thoughts, we can emphasize with what is happening. Even when he finds out what happened while Sukuna took over, we see the memories swarm his mind, he desperately clutches his head, claws at the ground, throws up. It's utterly heartbreaking. And that is because we experience it with Yuuji. We don't just cut to him lying on the floor unresponsive and that's the only feedback we get to his emotional state, not even some thoughts.

Megumi clearly saw or felt what happened while Sukuna was in control of his body (I mean, if we didn't have the editor comment like in the volume release you could also think the Bath just numbed him, but I'm not gonna be that picky here). So show him struggle during the fight against Yorozu aka the body of Tsumiki. Show his reaction to being rendered mute and powerless, unable to even lift a finger to hinder Sukuna. Show me his thoughts, he clearly has them. Show me how he eventually came to just give up and wait for death. Just something, anything. All of this I mentioned I am just inferring, we don't get to go through his emotional journey that is clearly very important to the story. All we see is the aftermath with no additional context and then nothing for another 20 chapters or so.

For that matter, show me Tsumiki, if there's anything left of her at all. That is who Megumi tries to fight for after all and she's a victim in all this too. She might've gone through the same things Megumi did, she might've experienced similar pain, but we simply don't know. What would Megumi even be fighting for? Was Tsumiki just dead or gone ever since Yorozu woke up in the hospital or did she witness what was going on as well? Was the Yorozu fight just pointless in that regard because clearly Tsumiki was long gone anyway and Sukuna is essentially just burying a dead body? This fight could've actually been quite dramatic. It claimed to be that due to Megumi and potentially Tsumiki suffering in the background, but it was in the end completely inconsequential. Sukuna and Yorozu would've fought anyway, if Megumi and Tsumiki were there or not, and Yorozu would've always lost. Since except for some throwaway lines and the end panel there isn't really any acknowledgement of the emotional stakes, they fall completely flat. It's about Yorozu and her understanding of love and also a bit about Sukuna's backstory and all this is nice and interesting, I certainly enjoyed it, but this should've laid the groundwork for what is happening to possessed-Megumi as well.

Same with the Gojo fight. Was Megumi effected at all by seeing Gojo there, was he affected by what Gojo said, his disregard for Megumi's body that made Yuuji and Hana question if he even cared? Did he feel anything when Gojo died? Was he still capable of sensing what was going on outside at all or did he sleep through all that. For that matter, how did those 5 Unlimited Voids affect him? His brain should be toast by all accounts. Did he blame Gojo for anything? This could've added some much needed emotional stakes and depth to the Gojo vs Sukuna fight, but again, we don't see anything, just a repeat shot of Megumi crying on the floor.

Megumi went through some pretty significant character development and I assume that is going to go even further now that Yuuji has made contact, but that all happened off-screen. Especially "Tsumiki's" death and its impact should've been shown to lay the groundwork for what happens now. All we got so far is: what happened made him sad. Like yeah sure, I can imagine, but can't we get more than that? That's like skipping the majority of Shibuya except for Nanami and Nobara's deaths and then going right to Yuuji lying on the floor and Todo giving his inspirational speech without showing us even a hint of all the struggle and emotional turmoil Yuuji experienced in the meantime.

I'm not even a Megumi fan, it's just something I noticed while reading. Honestly, the last 30 chapters or so I pretty much forgot about Megumi. Yes, I want Yuuji to save him, but as for Megumi himself my thoughts were always just "well, I guess he's doing badly, who knows". It was all very abstract and hypothetical when it didn't need to be.

#had to think about this because I saw Megumi's and Yuuji's breakdown in Shibuya compared a lot #obviously they are very similar but I think this further emphasizes how Megumi's situation feels like: *insert suffering here*#jjk spoilers #jjk leaks #jjk 251 #fushiguro megumi

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bottlesofrouge · 2 months

Text

on one condition.

harry styles x original character

part five.

word count: 12.6K

warnings: talks of a past physically abusive relationship, smut (finaalllyyy!!!), nsfr!

27 JULY 2018

harry wakes up to lynn sitting on the arm of the couch. her fingers dance along his arm as his name falls from her lips in quiet whispers. it’s still dark outside, and he rubs the sleep out of his eyes, struggling to remember just exactly where he is.

silas and lynn had gone into the bedroom shortly after dinner. he wasn’t really sure why he was expecting silas to take the couch, but when the click of the lock echoed through the quiet condo, harry knew that he was stuck with the short end of the stick.

there were no goodnights said and no sleepy smiles from lynn. harry sat in the dark for what felt like hours, listening to the muffled laughter coming from behind the bedroom door while he tried to swallow down the ugly, burning jealousy that came bubbling up in his throat.

“harry,” she whispers again. her touch moves from his arms to his hair. “are you awake?”

“yeah,” he hums. “what’s going on? are you okay?”

“i can’t fall asleep,” she says. “not when i don’t know if you’re alright.”

“why wouldn’t i be alright?” he can barely make out anything in the dark. the only source of light was the dim glow of the moon coming in through an uncovered window. it doesn’t do much, but it illuminates her face enough for him to see the way it’s etched with worry.

“the same reason i can’t sleep unless all of the doors are locked,” she doesn’t elaborate any further, and harry’s not really sure what she means by that. “i’m sorry for waking you. couldn’t tell if you were breathing.”

“do you wanna lay out here with me?” she only blinks at him. “you don’t have to, but i think you’d be able to feel if i was breathing or not.”

“are you sure?”

“c’mere,” he presses himself further into the couch, and lifts the blanket for her to slide under. harry’s shocked a little when she actually does.

it’s uncomfortable at first. he lays there like a board, arms straight down at his sides until lynn reaches behind for his hand. he thinks she’s giving him the key to the front door, but instead she presses his palm to her stomach just like he had done the night before.

it really was a complete accident. harry was so embarrassed to open his eyes and find himself wrapped around her the way he was. lynn was still sleeping when he woke up. she never mentioned it, and he had hoped that maybe she never noticed. he could not have been more wrong.

she doesn’t say anything when she does it, so instead of overthinking the situation and letting it keep him up until the sun rises, he leans into it. harry molds his body to lynn’s, letting his fingers stretch across her tummy just like she wanted them to. their legs are crossed at the ankles, and harry can’t help it when he lets his lips press right where her neck meets her shoulder. he half expects her to push him away, but she only sighs, falling asleep mere seconds later.

✮✮✮

“good morning, cuddle bugs,” harry doesn’t wake up again until silas is practically whisper singing right into his ear. the man’s standing over the two of them, a mug of coffee in each hand and a wide grin on his face.

when harry blinks enough to get the sleep out of his eyes, he sees that lynn’s got her cheek squished against his chest and her arm thrown around his torso. both of her legs are in between his and she had stolen their previously shared blanket and selfishly wrapped herself up in it. “were my cuddles not good enough for you, lynn?”

“oh my god, shut up, silas,” lynn groans, letting herself lean into harry even more. “and close the curtains while you’re up. m’so tired.”

silas does as he’s told before coming back over to harry to hand him one of the mugs he was holding. he sits down in the recliner next to them without saying a word, and turns on some local news station for the two to watch.

the volume’s on low, and silas is too focused on whatever stories that are running that he doesn’t try to engage in any conversation. he is so incredibly thankful for it, too. he wasn’t exactly sure what the other had to say about walking out of the bedroom to find his best friend wrapped around him. he wasn’t sure what lynn has told silas about them, but she surely had to have mentioned the fact that he has been treating her so terribly for the last two months.

harry’s free hand absentmindedly travels to lynn’s hair, fingers gently scratching her scalp as quiet, appreciative hums leave her mouth. he can’t really tell if she’s just in and out of sleep or if she’s fully awake, but he doesn’t care as long as he got lynn like this. he’d be stupid not to wrap himself up in everything that she was willing to give him. after all, it’d all go away as soon as they got back to new york.

part of him couldn’t wait to get home, even though he knew that going home meant he would have to face his parents. he also knew that it meant he would be getting back to his new routine. ever since he stopped sharing his days with an entire bottle of hard liquor, waking up has never felt so good.

he was productive. incredibly productive, actually. during the first week, he got around to turning his office into a small art studio. harry had purchased easels and canvases and nearly an entire display of oil paints. of course he put the transactions on john’s credit card. he thought of it as reparations for his shitty childhood, but if his dad asked, he would say it was a parting gift for his frat.

the other part of him wanted to be anywhere but home because home meant no more waking up to lynn and no more soft kisses and warm touches. home meant morning coffee alone and silence so loud that if he closed his eyes hard enough, he would swear he could hear it screaming.

you’re alone. you’re alone. you’re alone. you’re alone.

and honestly, the first few days wouldn’t be too bad. harry thinks he’d use the time to clear his head. the forced proximity had him thinking (and feeling) so many confusing things when it came to lynn. he knew that once they were apart for a little while, they’d all go away. maybe the two would even go back to hating each other.

they’d see each other once a week, maybe twice if they were feeling crazy, and harry would only be brutally reminded of just how alone he actually was. the words would echo in his head like they always did. just like the ticking of a clock.

you’re alone. you’re alone. you’re alone. you’re alone.

maybe it’s his fault for giving himself away so easily. there are so many people who know absolutely nothing about him except for what gets him going in bed, and normally, that fact didn’t bother him one bit. he likes feeling good and making other people feel good, and he loves the fact that he can participate in both of those activities with no strings attached.

however, on the rare days like today, the mere thought of it makes harry want to scratch the skin off his body and start fresh. he wants to be someone new. someone who is loved, and someone that people actually want to know.

and really, that’s where this whole thing stems from. the constant craving for something that is so unattainable for him. he just wants to be known.

harry itches for the day that someone knows just how much he loves ballet and theater. they’ll know he spent the first three years of high school dedicating his life to the drama club, spending afternoon after afternoon designing and painting sets. those long afternoons would soon turn into rehearsing lines in the passenger seat of oliver’s car, nothing but a flashlight on one of their phones illuminating the words on their scripts.

they’ll know he stopped because of how his dad felt about it. they’ll learn all about his senior year football stint, and maybe he’d also be inclined to tell them that he did it just to please him, but even then, john never went to a single game.

“harry,” silas’s leaning forward to nudge harry with his hand. “did you hear me?”

“no,” he admits. “what did you say?”

“i asked if you were hungry. we’re supposed to meet everyone for breakfast in ten.”

“i’m okay,” harry hums. his eyes fall to lynn who’s now created a small wet spot on his shirt with her drool. “you go. she’s been having a hard time sleeping.”

“she has for years,” silas responds. harry isn’t sure if he’s just stating a fact or if he’s trying to make sure he’s aware that he knows lynn in ways that harry never will. “i’ve never seen her out like this though. it’s weird.”

when silas decides to take harry up on his offer, he stands up, stretches, and then puts his shoes on before walking out of the door. it slams a little bit behind him, and lynn jolts at the sound. her head flies up, and she’s looking at harry with wide eyes and parted lips.

“just silas, honey,” his knuckles drag across the highest point of her cheek. “you can go back to sleep for a bit.”

✮✮✮

silas: it’s amelia day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

silas: you better be awake when i get back

silas: first round is on you btw consider it your apology for having to look at you and harry all morning #YUCK

lynn shuts her phone off and peers up at harry to make sure he wasn’t reading over her shoulder. (that would be so humiliating.) she finds him fast asleep underneath her. his head is tilted back, resting on a pillow that was propped up on the arm of the couch. his lips are parted, and she thinks that if she’s quiet enough she could hear tiny snores fall from them. god, he is so cute.

“harry,” she gently shakes him, and when he opens his eyes and blinks a few long blinks like he’s trying to gather his surroundings, she can’t help but laugh. “good morning, sunshine.”

“what time is it?” he rasps out around a yawn.

“nearly noon.” lynn sits up so harry can stretch and sit up properly. “it’s amelia day, so we have to leave soon. get ready, and i’ll make you something to eat. my treat for sharing this uncomfortable thing with me all night.”

lynn only makes them a plate of leftovers that consists of stuff she found in various take out boxes in the refrigerator. it wasn’t anything crazy; yet, it takes nearly fifteen minutes before she has it all set out on the breakfast bar. she shouldn't be blamed though. it’s not her fault that she couldn’t stop thinking about last night.

it wasn’t until silas was knocked out next to her that she realized harry was out in the living room all alone. she didn’t mean to exclude him. it kind of just happened, and she felt so guilty for it. she couldn’t stop wondering just how upset harry would be with her in the morning, and soon after, all of the overthinking turned into wondering if harry was okay.

honestly, she knew deep down there was no reason for him not to be, but that didn’t stop her from going out and checking. that’s all she meant to do, really. she planned on making sure he was alive and well and then she would climb back into bed with silas, but when he made room for her on the couch, lynn couldn’t say no.

she missed sleeping next to him.

it was stupid. they had only been on good terms for a few days, but lynn couldn’t imagine ever falling asleep without him pressed against her again. she thought that maybe it was just the simple fact that she was next to someone that had her sleeping so well, but no. it was harry.

silas has probably spent hundreds of hours helping her fall asleep. nearly every time he’s in town, he sits next to her in bed and runs his fingers through her hair until she’s napping. lynn really did appreciate it so much. she knew she would never get those precious naps in without him, but that was just it. they were always a quick little nap, never lasting more than an hour.

with harry, it was so different. all he had to do was be in the same room as her and she’d be out for hours. it was silly, and all in her mind. of course she knew that, it’s just… she doesn’t really want it to end.

harry doesn’t talk until the two of them are sharing an uber to the town square. he’s exhausted. lynn knows that, and she feels so shitty for having him take the couch. he was doing her a favor being there. the least she could do was give him the bed.

“it’s amelia’s birthday?” his voice is quiet when he asks, like the uber driver hearing would give away the faux relationship.

“no,” she laughs a little, not because of him, but because of what amelia day actually is. “silas pays amelia to watch jane while the adults go out for a few drinks.”

“is it the same day every year?”

lynn shakes her head, “just whenever silas feels like it. it’s usually just the two of us, and he convinces her when he thinks i’ve burnt myself out watching them.”

harry only hums and looks out the window.

lynn sits at the bar, nursing her third dirty martini as she watches silas and harry play a game of darts. silas was honestly great at the game. never once has he let lynn win. however, when harry threw his first dart, she realized that today might be the day her dreams of silas losing come true.

she’s been dreaming of the day ever since she had played against silas for the first time at a bar in her college town. he was visiting her for spring break. nearly the entire school had gone further south to a beach, so they pretty much had the bar to themselves. they played forty seven games that week, and lynn had only been close to winning once.

so, she offers to buy harry a shot if he wins, and when he says he’d rather have a kiss, she says he can have that, too.

she watches as harry goes to throw his dart. he closes one of his eyes and the tip of his tongue sticks out a little at the corner of his mouth every time he brings his hand up to aim. normally, she would’ve poked a little fun because he looked crazy, but she was a couple drinks in and she couldn’t help but find everything harry did to be at least a little bit attractive.

harry throws the winning dart, and lynn already has a shot of don julio waiting for him. she holds the little glass in between her fingers and the lime wedge in between her lips as she moves over to the two guys. a little pool of anxiety fills her stomach when she thinks about what exactly she’s doing. the lime placement seemed like a good idea after she had finished her third drink, but when she sees silas’s face, she thinks that maybe she was wrong.

the worry is only there for a second because harry tips the shot back, and then presses his mouth to hers and takes the wedge in between his teeth. the whole thing has her skin burning all the way from her toes up to her ears, but she doesn’t have time to be embarrassed about it because as soon as he’s done, he’s kissing her.

their kisses are messy and wet, and lynn can taste the lime sitting on his lips and the tequila coating his mouth. his mouth is practically devouring hers in a way that has her chest aching and her fingertips tingling. there’s no way that the vodka and olive juice she had been drinking tasted as good as he’s making it seem.

harry pulls away when silas clears his throat and lynn can’t even work up enough nerve to look over at him. the blush on her cheeks. her heart skipping beats in her chest. the way she feels so giddy. god, it was like she was a teenager again.

“i think we should get another drink before we head back,” silas breaks the silence first.

harry agrees and the two of them follow silas over to the bar. harry’s got his arm around lynn’s back, and his hand rests on her waist. he orders his drink and her dirty martini while she pretends not to feel the way his thumb is sliding against the small sliver of skin poking out between her top and skirt.

lynn sits on a bar stool next to kathleen when her fourth dirty martini is placed in front of her. harry keeps his arm draped around the back of her chair, chatting to silas about their last game. silas claims harry cheated, but harry insists that silas is just a sore loser.

“are you three enjoying your vacation,” lynn hears her dad’s voice from down the bar, and makes no move to respond. instead, she brings her glass up to her lips and takes a big sip.

“i am,” harry turns his attention to the older man, offering him a small smile. “thank you for having me. i really appreciate it.”

“it’s the least i can do since you’ve been putting up with my daughter. she can be a lot to handle sometimes.”

her dad laughs, and lynn can’t help the rage that’s bubbling up in her chest. putting up with my daughter? how would he know what putting up with lynn was like? peter was only around for half of her life, and even then, they’ve only shared a few hundred words with each other, if that. the man barely fucking knew her.

“it’s quite the opposite,” she feels harry moving his hand from the chair to wrap around her shoulder and pull her into his chest. “really, lynn puts up with me.”

“good to know, but i was referring to jane,” he brings his bottle to his lips. “she has so much energy, and at my age…”

lynn doesn’t really care what else her father has to say, so she turns her attention to the bartender and orders herself one more. it would probably end up being a mistake because she could already feel her head going all fuzzy. (and that was obvious a drink ago when she made out with harry in the back corner of the bar.) but, she felt like she needed it in order to stomach being around her parents for a second longer.

“you’re sure you need another?” kathleen’s speaking to her. “don’t want to have a repeat of the last time where you didn’t even make it to dinner.”

lynn decides to pretend like she didn’t hear, and insteads thanks the bartender when he slides the glass in front of her. she didn’t come to dinner the night her mother is referring to because of something more than a little too much to drink, and she thinks that if she lets herself think about it for a minute longer, she’d start crying so hard that she might end up coughing up a lung.

aunt cecilia moves from the other side of her father to sit next to silas. she strikes up a conversation with the two boys, and lynn can’t make the buzzing in her brain quiet down enough to focus on what they’re saying. it is so unfair that being around her mother has the ability to ruin what was supposed to be a fun day with her friends.

lynn gets why silas invited her parents. really, she does. just because they treated her so poorly, doesn’t mean they treated everyone else the same. that was obvious when silas came home from his freshman year of college to all of his stuff sitting on the front lawn of his parents’ house. peter and kathy had moved every discarded item of his into the guest room within the day, and silas claimed it as his own until he moved out for good two years later.

“y’alright, honey?” harry’s voice is so low and breathy. it tickles her ear enough to make her laugh, and he offers her a warm smile at the sound. “there we go.”

his lips tenderly press against her forehead and then he’s leaning back to look at her, worry deep in his eyes. she loves when harry’s soft like this, even if she can see silas rolling his eyes at the two of them in her peripheral.

“i miss your last boyfriend,” lynn’s brought out of her trance by kathleen’s voice. “he never touched you like this in front of us. it’s just disrespectful.”

lynn thinks that she’s misheard her mom at first, but when harry’s hands fall from her, she knows he’s heard it, too. silas and aunt cece are deep in conversation, missing what kathleen had just said, and harry’s looking at her with a frown on his lips. his eyes are pleading with hers, like he’s trying to apologize for something that isn’t even his fault.

“i’m sorry, ms. kathy. i didn’t eve-”

“yeah, well,” lynn clears her throat. “jaxson used to hit me when we weren’t in front of you guys.”

“what?”

she knows that she shouldn’t have said it, especially not here. lynn’s just so upset and angry and sad, and all she wanted to do was make kathleen feel the way she has been making her feel since the day she was born. like a complete and utter failure.

“i couldn’t make it to dinner last time because my mouth was bleeding so bad,” her voice is quiet, yet her confession draws the attention from the rest of the group. “not because of one too many drinks.”

it was definitely the five dirty martinis that had her spilling the secret she’s held on to the tightest, but it’s out now and so were the tears that came flooding from her eyes.

“why didn’t you tell us?” her mom has tears of her own on her cheeks, and it only makes lynn roll her eyes. kathleen never really cared about her, and she wasn’t about to start letting her now.

“don’t you see how you treat me? of course i didn’t come to you. nothing i ever do is worth a second of your time,” lynn feels so incredibly vulnerable as she speaks. she half expects kathleen to tell her to grow up, and the other half expects her to get on her hands and knees and apologize profusely for being such a shit mother.

she does neither. instead her eyes fall on silas and aunt cece, a look of realization spreading across her face. “you two knew.”

when lynn showed up on her aunts’ doorstep after a particularly rough fight with her ex, aunt cece helped put her back together again and let her move in for a few months. they hid it from peter and kathleen, per lynn’s request, and when jane was born, she went home. the three of them never really spoke about it, but lynn thinks she wouldn’t be standing here right now if it wasn’t for aunt cece and aunt rosie.

“this is exactly what i fucking mean,” she stands up from her stool, using harry to steady herself, and then she begs him to please, please take her back to the condo.

and he does. harry doesn’t say anything the entire uber ride back. instead, he holds her hand in his lap and wipes under her nose with the sleeve of his shirt when he’s had enough of her loud sniffing.

“i could’ve found a tissue,” her voice is so scratchy it hurts when she speaks.

“but you didn’t,” harry counters. “‘was kind of grossing me out if i’m being honest.”

“heeeeey,” her hands gently shove his shoulders as she laughs under her breath. it’s quiet for a second, and she can’t seem to tear her eyes away from his. it’s like she can feel the pity from his eyes seeping into her own, and it makes her a little sad. “please don’t look at me like that.”

harry looks away and clears his throat, and lynn feels so incredibly guilty for even saying anything, “i don’t like when people pity me. i didn’t mean…”

“i know you didn’t mean to tell me, but knowing now helps me understand you better.” he’s running his forefinger along the creases in her palm. “and i don’t mean to make you feel like i pity you. i just… you didn’t deserve to go through that.”

“okay,” she offers him a warm smile. “i was going to tell you, but i was nervous that i’d scare you away.”

“you could never scare me away.”

“why’s that? am i your only friend?” lynn only means it in a teasing way, but the way harry’s smile drops says that she’s hit the nail on the head.

“yeah,” his face draws together when he speaks. “um, i don’t know. there’s not really anyone besides you. sorry if that’s weird or makes you uncomfortable. i’m not the best at making friends.”

“s’not weird. i was only joking, harry. i didn’t mean-”

“you don’t have to apologize,” his eyes fall to his lap, and then he looks back up to her. “that’s not why you can’t scare me away. i just… i like having you around, lynn. i don’t want that to change once we go home.”

his words make her cheeks warm, “it won’t. i like having you around, too.” and when that doesn’t feel like enough, “i’m really glad you came, harry.”

29 JULY 2018

when harry wakes up, the bed is empty and the condo is quiet. there’s no echoes of an overworked coffee pot and no hushed whispers bouncing off the walls. his phone reads 11:53am, and there is nothing but a singular text from lynn sitting in his notification center.

getting breakfast with si & then going to the beach. join us when you’re awake :)

harry gets out of bed and heads for the shower to wash the sleep off of his face (and also the sweat off of his body). he’s spent the last two nights wrapped up with lynn in the bed while silas took the couch. the girl loved her blankets, and being next to her sometimes made him feel like he was next to a furnace.

he decides against joining the two when he’s on his second lather of shampoo. after lynn had talked about her last relationship at the bar, the three have practically been conjoined at the hip doing pretty much everything together. even at the family dinners, they sat at the end of the table next to jane and amelia to keep kathleen, or anyone else, from bringing it up.

as soon as harry heard what lynn said, he wanted to throw up. he felt sick the entire uber drive back, and even worse when they sat on the couch next to one another and she told him about the time she had brought him here. lynn was so incredibly kind, and the thought of anyone hurting her was just so devastating.

but, he did as she asked, and tried acting like looking at her didn’t make his chest feel like it was caving in. (because it did.) instead, he offered her kisses and soft touches every time the thoughts got to be a little too much. lynn deserved to feel loved and appreciated, and he was going to make sure she never forgot that.

harry: i think i’ll spend some time with your sisters. have fun with silas

her response comes through almost immediately.

lynn: they’d loooove that!!! couldn’t stop talking about you at breakfast

lynn: i’ll miss you today :(

the grin that spreads across harry’s face when he reads the message is embarrassing. he never really understood what people meant when they said ‘giggling and kicking my feet’, but when he catches his reflection in the mirror, he gets it.

jane and amelia are waiting for him on the front porch of their condo, and as soon as he’s in sight, the little girl runs to him like she’s an olympian sprinter. she giggles as she does, and harry soaks up every last one because he knows there will be a time when he is nothing but a distant memory for her.

the three of them walk to an ice cream parlor that harry has been dying to go to since the first day they arrived. the outside was painted a bright pink and had mismatched patio furniture sitting out in front of it. he always found these ice cream shops to be the best, and preferred them over the lousy chains.

harry orders his usual mint chip and jane her chocolate chip, and then he tells amelia to get whatever she wants. it was his treat today, even though the two girls were the ones to bring up the idea to go. the older sister decides on a plain strawberry shake, and once it’s all paid, they sit at one of the tables outside.

“don’t forget your napkin,” he reminds jane. “i don’t want to return you all covered in sugar.”

the little girl laughs, and wipes awaythe river of melted vanilla ice cream flowing down her chin, “s’okay. mom says it’s bath night anyway.”

harry listens as jane then goes into a play by play of her day. if one singular detail was wrong, she’d have to pause, reset the scene, and then she could continue. it starts with her saying she chose a red shirt to wear, but actually it was more orange now that she’s thinking about it. then, it’s what she ate for breakfast. jane realizes midway through that she had actually eaten four apple slices instead of the five she said previously because silas had taken one from her plate. the whole thing is painful, but harry sits through every second of it with a smile on his face.

“you alright, amelia?” harry asks once jane has quieted down and turned her attention back to her ice cream. “you’ve been quiet.”

“does lynn ever talk about her last boyfriend?"

he swallows. "yeah. she talks about him sometimes. why?”

“he was mean to me,” amelia states. “and i thought you’d be the same.”

“melia, i would never-”

“i know. i know,” amelia’s quick to cut him off. “that was obvious when jane hit you with that ball.”

jane’s shoulders drop at her sister’s words, “i’m still very sorry, harry.”

“i know you are, janey,” his hand squeezes her little arm from across the table. “i already told you to stop worrying about.”

“i feel bad for being so rude to you,” amelia admits. “and for trying to get lynn to break up with you.”

“you what?”

“i’m sorry. i didn’t-” the girl’s stumbling over her words like she can’t get them out fast enough when harry interrupts her with a laugh. really, he doesn’t mean to, but the thought of amelia trying to end a relationship that wasn’t even real to begin had him giggling.

"no need to be sorry," he says. "if i saw my sister in a bad relationship, i'd probably act the exact same. probably even worse if i’m being honest.”

“a man who grew up with girls,” amelia nods her head slowly before sitting back in her chair with her arms crossed. “makes sense.”

“now, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“it’s a compliment! ugh, you’re so old.”

harry laughs at the girls in front of him, a feeling of genuine happiness washing over him. maybe he was planning too far ahead, but he can't help but think that he actually does want to be a dad.

“hurry up and finish your ice cream,” he says. “i think there’s a souvenir shop we can go to just a few stores up the street.”

the three don’t end up going back until dinner time. the two girls walk in front of him, each swinging their shopping bags at each other for no other reason than to be annoying. he didn’t really mean to spend a hundred dollars on the two, but he did. jane always looked up at him with big round eyes and he could never say no.

they had passed a boutique with a blue dress hanging in the window, and amelia made a comment about it matching the shade of lynn’s eyes. she was right. it was printed with this floral pattern and had ruffles at the sleeves. harry couldn’t stop thinking about just how pretty lynn would look in it, and that’s how he ended up with a bag of his own.

maybe it was pushing the boundaries of their friendship a little too far, but he really didn’t care. harry thinks it would be a crime for that dress to belong to anyone besides lynn.

aunt cece is the one who opens the door when jane knocks, and to his surprise, she invites him in to enjoy the dinner that she had prepared. he’s about to say no when she lets him know that lynn and silas had gone into town for an early dinner of their own before he had to go to the airport, so he changes his mind and joins the two aunts in the kitchen.

harry sits at the table while the two shared red wine out of a singular glass along with what seemed like a million kisses. rosie rested herself against cece’s back as she finished transferring the meal to serving dishes. she’d whisper things to the other in tones so quiet harry couldn’t make out the words, but each time aunt cece’s face would flush and she’d playfully push the other woman away.

he hopes he gets a love as pure as theirs when he’s older.

“what’s in the bag?” aunt rosie joins him at the table.

“it’s nothing really,” harry can feel his cheeks grow warm and he does his best to avoid the woman’s stare.

“oh come on, you’re blushing all the way to your neck. what is it? we’re very big on sex positivity, so-”

“oh my god. it’s a dress. a normal dress,” harry can’t listen to it a second longer. his finger pulls the collar of his shirt away from his neck. god, why was it so hot it here?

“aww,” aunt rosie coos at him, peaking into the brown paper bag. “it looks gorgeous, harry.”

he hums. “it reminded me of her.”

“you should take her to that restaurant she was talking about this morning tomorrow. give her a chance to wear it,” aunt cece says from the kitchen, and rosie seconds the idea.

“i overslept today, so i don’t really know which one you’re talking about.”

“hmm,” the woman in the kitchen has her hand on her hip and her face in her hands. “i’m forgetting the name.”

“latitudes,” kathleen’s voice comes from the doorway. “that’s the restaurant.”

harry can tell by her demeanor that she’s trying to be nice, so he offers her a warm smile before thanking her.

dinner isn’t as bad as he thought it would be. he imagined it being incredibly awkward because of what had happened a few days prior, but surprisingly it’s not. he’s not really sure what was said or what happened after he had left with lynn, but he suspects it was something eye opening by the way kathleen is acting.

when gets back to his condo, he finds lynn sitting on the living room floor with at least twenty photobooks sprawled around her. there’s a half full bottle of wine on the side table, and an empty glass seated at her feet. he wasn’t really sure where she kept getting so much wine. they had only purchased three bottles.

“hey,” he’s kicking his shoes off by the door.

“hey,” she doesn’t look up. her eyes are too focused on some photos that she’s holding in her lap, and he takes the opportunity to slip the boutique bag into one of his drawers.

harry changes into his pajamas and then gets himself a glass from the kitchen. with a deep breath, he moves to the living room and sits next to her on the ground. “can i join you?”

“you don’t have to ask,” lynn reaches for the bottle before filling both of their glasses and setting it back down. she offers him a smile, “such a silly question, harry.”

“did you and silas have a good day?”

“the best,” she says with a grin on her face. harry can’t help the jealousy that starts burning in his chest. he wonders if she says the same when silas asks about him. “we found all of these photobooks. what about you? were the girls good?”

“so good,” he replies. “we got ice cream, and had a little shopping trip.”

“i bet they had so much fun,” she takes her eyes away from the photo book to look up at him. her mouth opens and she pauses, and then, “i missed you today.”

they sit next to each other as lynn opens up a fresh book. it was full of photos from when she was only a kid. there were so many pictures of her in the summertime, lounging around a swimming pool wearing rugrats themed swimmies and eating ice cream, and there were even more of her hanging from the monkey bars in playgrounds and posing cutely in flower fields. his favorites were the ones of her standing behind a mixing bowl with a monogrammed apron tied around her waist.

as she turns the pages, the pictures turn from summer to fall and it goes from wide toothy smiles soaking up the sun rays to close lipped grins at school events. there were photos of her at chorus concerts and class parties and some of her sitting with her arms around her friends in the school cafeteria.

there’s a woman who appears in quite a few of the photos, not enough that he would say she was in almost all of them, but enough that harry recognizes her presence. she looked nothing like lynn or any of her family members. her skin was tan and she had long dark hair with matching dark eyes. she wore red lipstick in a lot of the photos, and every time she did, baby lynn had a matching red lip print stamped on the side of her cheek.

“who’s that?” harry decides to ask when she pulls out a picture from the plastic sleeve. it was of the woman hugging her tight while lynn held up a little certificate indicating she won some award.

“she was my au pair,” lynn traces the corners of the picture as she brings it closer to her face.

“the one your dad had an affair with?”

lynn shakes her head. “the one after. elena,” she clarifies. i spent most of my childhood with her.”

“yeah? it looks like she loved you an awful lot.”

“y’know like that feeling that you get when you think of your mom?” she asks. “i get that when i think of her. she was wonderful, harry.”

“do you still talk to her?”

“no, i think my mom stopped hiring her when amelia was two,” her voice is thick when she speaks, and harry can see the glassiness in her eyes when she looks over to pass him the photo. “i still use that recipe in my bakery today. i wish she could see it.”

harry looks at the photo and can’t stop the smile from growing on his lips. little lynn was grinning so wide, her smile nearly went from ear to ear. the certificate was proudly displayed in her hands with a large FIRST PLACE written across the top. elena had her arms wrapped around her body so tightly, you could see the imprints of her fingertips in little lynn’s flesh. his fingers flip the photo over, and his eyes scan the words written on the back.

e. adams, 1998

“you’re what?” harry speaks. “24? 25?”

“i’m 27,” the girl laughs when she sees harry’s face. “what? is 24 too young for you?”

“i’m 21, lynn,” he deadpans. “freshly, too. my birthday’s in february.”

“oh god,” her wine glass nearly tips over when she turns to face him, and harry wraps his fingers around the stem to catch it.

neither of them speak for a moment. her eyes are scanning over his face like she’s not really sure what to say. both of them had just assumed they were each other’s age.

“is that,” harry pauses. “does that bother you?”

lynn’s bottom lip goes between her teeth before she sighs, “i mean, it’s all pretend, isn’t it?”

harry wants to say that it doesn’t feel all pretend when lynn’s got his mouth pressed to his. or when they’re alone and her fingers rub every ounce of stress from his body. or when they’re in bed every night, pressed so closely together that harry can feel the way her heart beats against his own.

instead, he only smiles. “yeah, i guess it really doesn’t matter.”

they each finish their glass of wine, and harry’s quick to pour them the rest of whatever’s left in the bottle. honestly, she was right. what they were doing was supposed to be pretend. it was his fault for letting parts of it get too real.

maybe lynn didn’t need to know that some of his family disowned him because of his queerness. she also probably didn’t need to hear harry’s drunken confession about him being a friendless loser, and she definitely could’ve gone without seeing him sleeping with someone else.

he takes another large gulp of wine when the realization hits. he likes that she knows those things about him.

“evelyn,” her voice is soft as it pulls him from his thoughts.

“hm?”

“i know you saw it,” she points to the discarded photo on the ground between them. harry was so focused on the bolded 1998, he didn’t even notice the tiny e that preceded it.

“evelyn,” the intensity of his voice matches her, and as soon as the words leave his lips, her eye’s fill with tears. “oh, don’t cry.”

“they’re good tears,” she breathes. “promise.”

his hand cradles her face and tucks her hair behind her ear so it doesn’t get all sticky from the now falling tears. the way she looks up at him feels so real to harry, and it makes his chest grow tight. he didn’t know how he’d be able to walk away from all of this unscathed, but at least he had her now. he’d be stupid not to soak up everything she wanted to give him.

“it’s a pretty name,” he’s nearly whispering now. “fits you.”

“it was my grandmother’s,” she chews on her lips. “she was lovely, harry.”

��she sure seems like it,” her head feels heavy in his hand like she’s relying on him to hold it upright for her. “why’d you change it?”

“jaxson ruined it for me, and hearing it was a lot,” she sighs and her eyes squeeze shut. “it’s stupid i know.”

“i don’t think it’s stupid, blondie,” she looks up at him like she doesn’t necessarily believe him, and harry thinks that if he didn’t find out that she was twenty fucking seven years old minutes prior, he’d kiss her. “not stupid at all.”

really, he still wants to. harry wants to kiss her so hard that she forgets that goddamn loser that made her own name sound unbearable to her. the thought just makes him so incredibly angry. he could kill him.

“hearing it used to make my stomach churn,” she admits.

“it doesn’t anymore?”

her head shakes, “no. at least not when it comes from you.”

“i can call you evelyn if that’s something you want,” lynn sits up when he offers, straightening herself so she’s no longer leaning into his touch. he instantly misses the weight of her.

“yeah, i mean if it’s not too much of an ask. and maybe not in front of my family? it’s been forever since anyone’s called me that. i just- haven’t been able to recognize myself in the mirror since i started going by lynn.” she laughs lightly, but it just sounds sad at this point. “sorry, i think i’ve had too much wine.”

“yeah, i can do that,” harry hums, and he can’t help it when he reaches for her hand. his finger trails across the back of her knuckles. “it’ll be our little secret, won’t it, evelyn?”

30 JULY 2018

harry is absolutely gnawing the fuck out of the sides of his fingers while he waits for lynn to get out of the shower. as soon as she went in (for the third time because she kept forgetting things), he had laid out the dress neatly on the bed with a necklace that kathleen had slipped him at breakfast. she had said that it was lynn’s grandmother’s.

he wasn’t really sure if this whole thing was crossing the line of their fake dating arrangement. they’d be going for no other reason than to spend some time together, but really, friends spend time together all the time. silas and lynn just had dinner last night.

but did silas buy her a dress for it?

whatever. it was too late to take it all back now. he hears the water shut off, and harry knows he’ll see how she really feels about it soon. he was going to be sick.

the sound of the door knob twisting echoes through the quiet room, and then, “harry?”

“yeah?” he sounded so fucking stupid.

“what’s all this?”

“um, a dress?”

lynn moves into the doorway of the bedroom to look at him. she’s wearing a robe around her body and a towel in her hair. “obviously. where did it come from?”

“a boutique,” he replies, and she raises her eyebrow. “i bought it for you yesterday. with amelia and jane.”

“you bought me that?” her voice is quieter than before, and she no longer has the teasing smile that was sitting on her lips just a moment ago.

“yeah,” why did he feel so shy? “if you don’t like it, i kept the receipt-”

“don’t like it? harry, i love it. it’s gorgeous.”

“good,” he sighs. “i thought so, too.”

lynn doesn’t say anything else, but she doesn’t move from her spot in the doorway either. she’s got the softest smile on her face, and she’s looking at him like she’s not really sure what she wants to do next.

“well, go put it on,” he’s moving in her direction to get to the shower. “you don’t want to miss our latitudes reservations, do you?”

“no way!” she shrieks, and when harry follows it with a corny little ‘yes way’, she hugs him around his neck so tightly, her feet aren’t even touching the ground. “thank you. thank you. thank you.” her words are being whispered against the skin of the crook of his neck.

“it was nothing, really.”

“you always say that,” lynn leans away from him, still keeping her arms around his neck.

“i just like seeing you like this,” and maybe he should have picked different words.

“what?” she laughs. “half naked and pressed up against you?”

“jesus christ, no,” his cheeks warm, and he can feel the way her fingers are rubbing the back of his neck. “happy. you’re different here.”

“only when you’re the one here with me,” she presses a kiss to his cheek before stepping back. “now get in the shower. we are not missing latitudes.”

✮✮✮

lynn talks so much during the uber ride to the ferry port. she does it with a big grin on her face, and harry can tell that she’s genuinely excited about their night he had planned. she spends the entire drive discussing the menu and comparing it to yelp reviews, and when they’re on the ferry, she tells him stories about coming here with her grandma while her fingers toy with the small pendant that hangs from the gold chain around her neck.

the two talk all the way through two appetizers and a bottle of wine. harry lets lynn order everything for them because she was the one who wanted to come in the first place, and also because she had spent so much time dissecting the menu. honestly, he didn’t really care what he ate, as long as she was having everything she wanted.

their table was right on the beach, and he had a perfect view of the sun starting to set right behind lynn. harry was sure of only two things at this moment. lynn looks breathtaking in her pretty blue dress, especially during sunset, and he absolutely adores hearing her voice. harry thinks he could hear her talk forever and ever.

she tells him the story from the picture of her and elena with the first place certificate. it was a simple strawberry cheesecake cupcake, and the two had spent nearly a month practicing beforehand. lynn swears that they came out perfect every single time, except for the day of the contest. apparently, the first batch of icing wasn’t setting properly because she had cried too hard over the bowl.

when their mains come, harry realizes that this is the first time the two have hung out and gotten to know each other without some depressing undertone hanging around their conversation. sure, harry learned about elena last night, but the conversation was sad. here, lynn talked about her childhood with shiny eyes, and laughed with harry when he did the same with his.

“have you ever been grand gestured?” lynn asks around a forkful of seared grouper. her dish looked absolutely delicious, and harry regretted not getting it himself.

“not unless you’re counting a cheesy promposal.”

“hm,” she hums. “i’m going to have to go with no.”

“what about you?” harry picks up the wine bottle sitting in the chiller and works on refilling both of their glasses. “have you ever been grand gestured?”

“this is as close as i’ve come.”

“this is not a grand gesture,” harry stresses. he’s worried it’ll come across wrong for a moment until she laughs. “i just meant this is the bare minimum.”

“i know,” she smiles at him, and harry wishes he could take a picture of this moment and keep it tucked away inside his brain forever. “thank you for this again, harry.”

he’s a bit tipsy, and he can tell she is too by the amount of giggles leaving her mouth. harry always saw a sad lynn when she was drunk, and he can’t believe he was lucky enough to see this side of her, too.

this side was magical. there was really no other way to put it. she was the kind of woman that people write books about.

when harry gets tired of his pasta, he twirls little bites around his fork before leaning across the table and feeding it to lynn. it was probably a little immature to be doing at a restaurant like this, but he didn’t really care, and he could tell that she didn’t either by the little appreciative hums that fell around his fork everytime.

“ugh,” she groans when harry orders a slice of key lime pie for dessert. “harry, i’m going to explode!”

“s’okay,” his hand reaches across the table to pat the top of hers. “you don’t have to eat any of it.”

“of course i do. you know i love a sweet treat,” and really, he didn’t, but he does now.

their arms are wrapped around each other’s backs as they walk in through the front door of the condo. lynn immediately goes to the kitchen to get the last of their remaining wine while harry takes the bedroom to change into something a little comfier.

“more wine? where all you getting all of these?”

“been swiping them from my mom’s cabinet,” lynn’s sitting on the floor with her back leaning against the couch, and she laughs at harry’s words, the half empty bottle of wine pressed to her lips. after a sip, she stretches her arm out to harry, “c’mon. it’s our last night.”

he sits next to her, taking a gulp from the bottle before passing it back. “did you have fun tonight?”

“of course i did,” her voice is quiet, not much above a whisper. “i always have fun when we’re together.”

harry turns his head so he’s looking at her. he watches as her eyes drop to his mouth and then travel back up. a little laugh makes her hair float around her face, and as soon as harry thinks she’s leaning in, she stops with a loud ow falling from her lips.

and that’s how harry ends up sitting on the couch with lynn between his knees, working at the pinched nerve she complained about.

"jesus, you're so tight," harry mutters as his thumbs dig into the flesh of her shoulders.

"you're not the first guy to say that.”

"absolutely filthy tonight, aren't you?"

she laughs, and rests her head on her knees. a breathy moan pushes past her lips when he digs into a particularly sore area, "feels good. my neck fucking aches."

harry continues working her shoulders and neck, paying extra attention to the areas that make her breath hitch. he can’t stop looking at the way her lips part and eyebrows draw together. her head tilts back, and her neck strains, like she’s trying to stop herself from making a sound. the soft sighs and muffled whines that she does let fall from her mouth are enough to make him half hard.

he’s embarrassed by it, and really, he tries to think of anything else. if lynn knew he was feeling this way, they’d probably never speak to each other again, but her skin is just so soft and warm, and she sounded so fucking pretty. he really couldn’t help it.

“didn’t realize how much i missed this,” she murmurs with her head leaning against his knee.

“getting a massage? you know they have places for that.”

“knock it off,” he can feel her fingers pinching at his ankle. “i meant this… touching.”

harry hums. “i know what you mean.”

“what?” lynn laughs. “is seven days without taking someone to bed too long for you?”

harry hasn’t been with anyone in weeks. not since lynn had walked in on him and the girl from the bar. he wasn’t necessarily avoiding sex. it’s just that every time he’s gotten close to bringing someone home, he couldn’t stop thinking about her.

“s’different when it’s someone you care about,” he says instead.

harry can feel the way lynn stops picking at the carpet. her body stills except for her shoulders which move up with a deep breath when his fingers brush over her neck. he’s not really working out the knots in her muscle anymore. he’s just… touching.

it doesn’t last for very long because lynn is soon crawling up to sit next to him on the couch. she drapes her knees over his with a sigh on her lips and color blooming on her cheeks. her eyes are glassy when he looks into them, and her mouth is open like she’s going to say something. she doesn’t.

instead, her fingers cup his cheek, and then her mouth is pressing short, sweet kisses to his. she’s slow with it. her lips lazily sucking, and sometimes she drags her tongue slowly across his bottom lip, never letting it venture past that. harry savors her kisses, letting her do whatever she wants.

he knows it’s just fun for her. she’ll probably pull away with a giggle and say something about how it’s been so long since she’s been kissed like that. she’d press her lips against his once more and then they’d go to sleep. it was his fault for letting it feel intimate. with every suck of her mouth, he felt the want for her grow hot in his belly. she was just so perfect.

her lazily kisses pick up a little more pace until they’re feverish. she sucks and licks and harry groans when he feels her teeth nip at his lips. he thinks he possibly couldn’t get even more turned on than he is right now and then she’s straddling his lap, her knees tightly pressed at the sides of his thighs.

“fuck,” she gasps into his mouth as soon as he feels her against him. harry can’t even think straight. the warmth of her has his brain going foggy and his heart racing in a way that should probably be concerning. all it took was one roll of her hips, and he was a pathetic, whining mess beneath her.

"maybe you'd like a reward for all of your hard work?" she breathes into his mouth as she grinds down against him.

"i hope it's that mouth," the pad of his thumb brushes across her lips. they’re swollen and shiny with their spit. "y'know how much i like kissing you. still sweet from dessert, too.”

"how does my throat sound?" harry thinks that he’s heard her wrong, but then she parts her lips and takes his thumb into her mouth, sucking hard.

he can’t help the way he groans at the sight in front of him. her pretty blue dress all the way up to her thighs with her red lips wrapped around his thumb. she is going to kill him.

when she opens her mouth and sticks out her tongue, harry pushes his thumb further back before pressing it down right at the back of her mouth. she gags at the intrusion, looking down at him with big, teary eyes.

"don't think you could fit all of me in there," he pushes down a few more times just to see the way her eyes water over, and then he lets his thumb smear the thick saliva pooling at the corners of her mouth down her chin and all the way to her chest.

"wanna find out?"

he hums, leaning forward. "how bad do you want it?"

she laughs a little, the air from her mouth fanning across his face. "i don't beg, harry. especially not for you. don’t you see that?”

"oh really?" he pulls her into a searing kiss, letting his fingers slide all the way around to the back of her neck until they’re threaded in her hair. harry grabs a fistful of the soft strands and pulls her mouth away from his while his other hand nudges her leg over so she’s back sitting next to him. "that's too bad, blondie."

his lips sponge soft, wet kisses from her mouth down to her shoulders, and then back up. he angles her head so he can trail them up the front of her throat all the way to right below her ear. he lets his teeth graze at the soft skin until she’s letting out a shaky breath and pushing his face away.

"god, harry," he thinks she's going to cave. "i know you're practically a teenager, but you don't have to try and mark me up like one."

"didn't realize turning thirty meant you can't have any fun," harry bites back.

"i am not-" he presses his lips to hers, swallowing down whatever else she was going to say. he thinks if he had to spend one more second without his mouth on hesr, he’d die. "you're lucky you're pretty."

"you think i'm pretty?" he's got a teasing grin on his face.

"don't be annoying. look at you.” and that was it. he knew exactly how to get under her skin.

"do you think i'm prettiest in those yellow swim shorts you put in my suitcase?" he’s leaning in so his nose is nudging hers. lynn’s face flushes and she opens her mouth to speak but closes it. "don't get all shy on me now. i've felt you staring all day."

she scoffs, hands coming up to push at harry’s chest. "you wish."

"maybe i do," a kiss. "wore them just for you after all."

lynn fists his t-shirt, bringing his mouth back to hers. they kiss like they’ve been starved of each other for weeks. harry lets his touch slide up her calf, and his fingers caress the back of her knee.

"harry," her words are soft. a whimper.

"evelyn," harry’s fingers push higher, running all the way up to the inside of her thigh and back down. each time his touch gets closer until he’s thumbing at the cotton edge of her underwear. "what's the matter, blondie? you've gone all quiet on me."

"please," is all she says. it’s so quiet, harry barely catches it over the sound of his heart thumping in his ears.

"what was that?"

"you heard me.”

"i don't think i did."

"please, harry," she rolls her eyes at him, but harry sees right through it.

"please what?" his thumb slides a little under her underwear where he could feel the heat pooling. "are you still all achy?"

lynn nods with a whine in her throat and she turns her head to try and hide the pink flush in her cheeks. looking at her is practically intoxicating.

"gonna tell me where so i can make it better?"

when she doesn’t answer, he squeezes her shoulder, "here?"

her head shakes.

“hmm..” his fingers trail to her neck. “here?”

another shake.

“what about here?” he says as his fingers pinch back at her calf.

lynn groans as she takes his hand, pressing his fingers against her cloth covered center. "here, harry."

"poor, baby," harry murmurs against the crook of her neck. his finger is only gently running against the dampness of her underwear. enough to make her whine, but not enough to give her much relief. "got yourself all worked up over what? little old me?"

"you're ridicu-" a moan from deep in her chest cuts her off when harry thumbs at her clit. she’s looking at him with wide eyes and a heaving chest. he’s not sure if she didn’t expect him to actually touch her, or if she wasn’t expecting to sound so loud.

"here's what i think," he’s only looking at her, his hand back to barely touching her. "you like to act all tough, but it's quite the opposite, really. my sweet honey just needs someone to take care of her, doesn’t she?"

"y-yes.”

he adds a little bit of pressure. a treat for giving him what he wanted. "wanna hear you say it.”

lynn doesn’t answer, and harry tsks before pulling away from her. “nothing? what a shame?”

"i need someone to take care of me," she rushes out like she was so desperate for his touch to be back on her. and what kind of man would harry be if he didn’t listen?

"who?" he pushes further. she's looking at him with furrowed brows. "who do you need to take care of you? to make it all better?"

"you," she cries, her voice broken and needy. "need you to make it better. please, harry.”

"there you go," he praises her with a few kisses to her face. "c’mere, baby."

he tugs her hand so she’s seated in between his legs with her back pressed to his chest. she spreads her legs over his when he nudges her with his knee, and then his fingers find the hem on the pretty blue dress to bunch it at her waist.

"being so good f'me," he kisses her neck while he lets his fingers travel over the plush flesh of her tummy. sure, he felt her like this every night, but this was different. "don't wanna do anything you don't want to, okay? just have to tell me if you want to stop."

"okay," she rushes out. "just... please."

"such good manners," he murmurs against her skin. "think you deserve a little reward."

harry wishes he could forever hear the sound she made when he first dipped his fingers in the front of her underwear. he never imagined her to be so noisy, so loud, but with each stroke of his fingers came whines and moans and whimpers so filthy, they would make the devil look away.

his hand is cramping against the restricting fabric, so he pushes her ruined underwear down her legs, leaving her to kick them the rest of the way off, before moving her hand to the back of her thigh and instructing her to hold herself open for him.

“you’re so fucking hot when you listen, y’know that?” lynn whines at his words and squirms against him as his fingers slowly make a mess of her, watching the way her arousal strings between his fingers. harry’s breathing stops when he catches the perfect view of her. all spread open and glistening. just for him.

harry’s thumb rubs circles against her clit while the rest of his fingers move all the way down, teasing at her entrance. he never pushes in further than his fingertip before he moves them back up and starts again. he does this until she’s so wet that he knows it has to be dripping down onto the couch, and then he slowly pushes a finger in.

lynn’s head is tilted back against his shoulder, and he sponges kisses to the part of her neck that she has bared to him.

“do you think y’can come from this?” he murmurs against her skin. “i know it’s-”

“yes,” she’s quick to breathe out. “god, yes. you’ve got me so fucking horny right now. i’ll be the easiest you’ve ever had.”

and she’s right. once harry moves his free hand from her waist to her center to give her a bit more stimulation, she’s a goner. her moans and whimpers turn into high pitched whines, and her back arches away from him. he can feel her clenching on his fingers, and all it takes is one more curl and she’s nearly convulsing.

harry’s fingers offer lazy touches until she’s whining and snapping her legs together. his lips press warm, encouraging kisses against her neck and shoulders and really, anywhere they could reach. lynn melts in to him, her face falling in the crook of his neck. little giggles tickle his skin as he pulls her dress down to cover her back up.

“so perfect, evy,” he whispers. he expects another laugh or maybe a bashful shove, but instead she’s quick to stand up and head for the front door. “wait.”

"i- um, sorry i just," she clears her throat, and then. "i need some air."

"lynn-" the door slams, and harry’s left wondering what exactly he did wrong.

✮✮✮

harry: im sorry

harry: i shouldn’t have let myself get so carried away

harry: i don’t know what else to say but i am so sorry.

lynn shuts off her phone and slips it into her pocket before quietly opening up the door to the bedroom. all of their stuff was packed up. only an outfit that she had picked earlier in the day was left on top of her suitcase in a nice neat pile. the huge mess she had made in the bathroom before dinner was all packed up into her toiletry bag, and when she stepped a bit closer, she could see harry stretched out under the covers all the way on the other side of the bed. he was such a gentleman.

she felt so embarrassed when she found herself calling her aunt to let her into her condo. she didn’t mean to run out on harry the way she did, but once everything started to feel a little bit too real, she didn’t know what else to do. what was she supposed to say? i actually haven’t let anyone touch me like that in over half a decade, but yeah, we can call it two friends just helping each other out.

her aunt offered her a shower and a change of clothes and then sat with lynn on the bathroom floor while she cried so hard, she nearly threw up. aunt cece rubbed her back while she dry heaved over the toilet bowl, and then she sat and listened while lynn told her all about their fake arrangement.

“isn’t that pathetic?” lynn had said once she was finished.

aunt cece only sighed, “i think it’s more pathetic that you’re crying this hard over here instead of just telling him how you feel.”

and once aunt cece mentions that she thinks that harry likes her in a way that’s more than just platonic, lynn starts thinking that maybe letting him know about her feelings wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

they’d spend more alone time together once they got home. lynn would probably invite him to the bakery on a sunday where she could show him everything elena had helped her create. she’d send him home with loaves of bread and all of the muffins his heart desires.

maybe he’d let her watch him paint. they could spend sunny afternoons in the park with a picnic and a canvas. she’s only ever been artistic in the kitchen, but she’d definitely try to paint something for harry. it’d probably end up terrible, but he’d keep it. maybe even hang it up in his house. she knows she’d do the same. covering her walls in harry’s art just because they were made from him.

long nights would be spent in between her sheets, where he’d give her the best orgasms she’s ever had in her entire life (just like he did tonight). and then maybe, he’d let her touch him, too.

“he called me evy,” lynn told her aunt. it was the very phrase that had her running, but this time a smile forms on her face when she thinks of it. “i told him about evelyn, but not evy.”

it was a nickname her grandmother had given her. everyone had called the older woman evie, and so she called lynn, evy. she had said she wanted her granddaughter to feel like her own person, and the name stuck.

the first time her dad called her evy after her grandmother's passing lynn cried so hard she threw up in her front yard. it didn't feel right coming from peter, and even when luke wrapped her in all the love he could muster, pressing kisses to her face and promising evy that everything would be okay night after night, it still felt wrong. it was like there was an itch that could only be scratched by her grandma's voice. and now harry's.

“maybe she sent him to you,” her aunt’s fingers smoothed her hair away from her face before kissing her head. “go see him.”

harry looks up from his phone when he hears lynn step into the small room. “i’m so fucking sorry, lynn.”

his voice is raw and scratchy, and the thought of him crying over what she did to him makes her heart break. she climbs into the bed, sitting with her feet underneath her. “you’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”

“but, i-”

“nothing, harry,” she stresses."you didn't do anything wrong. i just... i get in my own head sometimes. i'm sorry i left the way i did."

"it’s okay," he rolls over so he's facing her. his hand covers hers. "you can talk to me when you feel like that, lynn."

"the guy i dated before my last, he was," she clears her throat. "he was a friend. well, he is a friend and i think..."

she doesn't know how to say what she wants. lynn thinks dating her friend was one of the best decisions she's ever made. that relationship happened nearly a decade ago and she still secretly wishes that she was selfish and asked him to stay when he came to her door.

well, she used to wish. she hasn’t thought about it in a while.

she thinks that maybe her and harry could be like that. or they could try to be like that. they were friends. they knew each other and she was comfortable with him. comfortable enough to let his hand go up her dress. her cheeks warm at the thought.

she'll tell him that being with luke ruined their friendship and she was never close with him again. lynn never really minded the way luke slipped so easily from her life, but she’s terrified that the same would happen with harry. she really likes having him around.

she’s going to tell him regardless, and perhaps she’ll make him promise that trying wouldn’t ruin anything. that if their relationship went south, they’d still have their friendship to fall back on.

"i think that, um," she closes her eyes and harry squeezes her hand. “um, well-”

"it's okay. i'm still hung up on my ex, too. what happened between us doesn't have to mean anything."

oh.

"okay," she breathes, trying to make sure she didn’t look as devastated as she fucking felt. "good. that’s what i was going to say."

harry sighs, "i haven't been able to stop thinking about him recently, if i'm being honest."

shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up!

"why don't you tell me about him?" she gets under all of the covers, an excuse to pull herself away from him. "since you know about mine."

lynn doesn’t really know why she asks, but she did. so, she listens to harry talk about his stupid ex named oliver with a huge smile on her face. like she could not be more elated to be hearing about how much he loves him if she tried. lynn wipes his tears when he talks about how mean he was to the boy when they were in high school, and even holds his hand when he hiccups about how much he misses him.

“you should reach out to him,” she says, letting her fingers card through his hair.

“you think so?” harry sniffs.

“yeah,” lynn hums. “it might be good for both of you.”

when lynn mentions it, she doesn’t expect him to do it right then and there, but he does. he pulls out facebook messenger, and she has to pretend not to notice the way that oliver jones was the only saved search.

maybe they’ll meet up, oliver will want nothing to do with him. harry will have a cleared conscious and he'll come back to lynn. she’ll go to therapy as soon as the plane’s wheels touch down in westchester, so when he ultimately comes knocking at her door, she’ll be better. good for him. yeah, she thinks. that will totally happen.

she clings on to whatever little sliver of hope she had left because that stupid scenario was the only thing keeping her from bursting in to tears.

when lynn looks over at harry, he’s tapping away on his phone screen. the dim light illuminates his face, and she decides if that moment were to ever come around, she’d be selfish. just that once.

✰✰✰✰

a/n: this felt like sooo much information but! part six sooon (hopefully by the end of next week)

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arienai · 1 year

Text

You've heard the Miyazawa memes, now it's time to

Read Otherside Picnic

A post by me

What is it? Otherside Picnic is a book series by Japanese author Iori Miyazawa. They are often called light novels for marketing purposes, but are technically considered "full" science fiction novels. The series is loosely based off of Soviet science fiction novel Roadside Picnic, which itself inspired the film Stalker as well as the video game STALKER.

What is it about? At its core, Otherside Picnic is about two girls who stumble into a weird alternate universe filled with creatures from Japanese internet myths and creepypastas. They go into that world frequently to explore it.

It is primarily a series of novels as I mentioned, however, there are also anime and manga adaptations.

Otherside Picnic is yuri (F/F), explicitly so, however, only the novels have reached this point in the story. If you want canon lesbians, you want to read the novels. I cannot stress this enough.

Okay but what about the characters, are they good? I'm super biased but honestly these are some of the most tumblrina characters I've seen in a while and I'm shocked they aren't more popular.

Sorawo Kamikoshi had a deeply traumatic childhood (though she likes to deny it) and today is a self professed "grumpy otaku" at university who is extremely into spooky shit and creepypastas, which she tends to infodump about. She is very bad at making friends and before discovering the Otherside she often spent her time watching Dark Souls Let's Plays and Minecraft build videos. No, like, canonically. She is a huge loser and I love her so much.

Toriko Nishina was born and raised in Canada with her two lesbian moms but now she's going to university in Japan. She is extremely gay and knows it but is also a complete disaster about it. She has an outgoing personality but struggles to make friends unless she's attaching herself to a new cute girl. I don't want to get too far into spoiler territory but she has a violent streak and has some hot and extremely badass Tiktok Lesbian With an Axe moments.

There are a lot of other great characters too, but you'll have to read to meet them!

And it's explicitly gay, you say? YES, this is a lesbian romance story. Girls hold hands. Girls kiss (with tongue!) Girls ogle other girls' boobs. Apparently the latest volume (not yet available in English) amps it up even more 😳

You're telling me it's literally gay despite being written by the meme "yuri is two wild beasts/a field/etc." Guy? Yes.

Where did the memes come from then? They come from a couple of interviews with Miyazawa where he compared various abstract concepts to yuri. Some of this can be seen in his work, but for the most part it is a straightforward and easy to read lesbian story.

Okay! Where do I read it!: Since they are novels you can find them at many bookstores! You can also buy the ebooks for relatively cheap and read them on your phone.

I hate reading, can't I do the manga/anime? You can if you want but the anime doesn't really go beyond flirty territory with the two girls and the manga is still ongoing and hasn't hit the gay stuff yet. So it's up to you.

Is the series finished? No, it's ongoing. There are currently seven volumes available in English. But we have an extremely dedicated fanbase. Join ussssss you know you want to. Look at these two cuties

Anyway I have so many good things to say about this series, I love the way the main characters are outcasts who come together and help each other learn to love themselves. I love the spooky setting, I love the side characters and of course I love how gay it is, I feel like most weirdo disaster gays on here will find something here to like. And the characters are in their 20's!!! That's still relatively young but it's so nice to read gay stuff about people who are old enough to drink (which they do a lot of).

So yes in closing

Read Otherside Picnic

#my posts #otherside picnic #HERE IT IS THE MASTER POST

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 8 months

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riddle's post-ob flashback in the light novel

Like the Leona post, I’m going to discuss the extended detail that the light novel goes into with Riddle’s backstory, then integrate it with what we know of him from the game. It looks like this is going to be a trend for the light novel, so I’ll most likely do similar analyses for the other OB boys as more volumes come out!

Anyway, read on if you’re curious 👀

Okay, so 🤔 from what we can observe from Riddle’s in-game post-OB flashback sequence, his mother has been dictating almost every aspect of his life, from what and how much he eats to his lengthy, rigorous study routine. As recently as Riddle’s Broomquet vignettes, we learned that even at 5 years old, he had already started and become accustomed to his intense studying. When Riddle fails to complete a task sufficiently, his mother has him redo it or study more until he finally succeeds.

This was Riddle’s “normal”, and he completely bought into it. In the game, this is explained as Riddle having trust in his mother due to her reputation in their community as a competent and well-respected medical mage. "After all, she was the most accomplished mother in the city, and therefore, the most correct." Riddle associates "correctness" with "accomplishments", and we see this attitude carry out in other aspects of the main story. He talks down to Yuu for lacking magic and brags about his own standing as top student to Azul, who regularly fluctuates from 2nd to 10th place. The light novel, however, grants us new perspective as to why Riddle tries so hard in his studies and seeks to please his mom. In turn, we can see how this domino effects into his struggles to connect with others.

In the light novel, Riddle notes that his mother would always tell him "everything is for you". "Everything", in this context, I'm assuming refers to all the time and effort Riddle is putting into his studying, the tight control of his life, etc. His mother has framed all of this as being beneficial to Riddle, and that she herself is pushing him to engage in these things because she loves and cares for him. This is something that Riddle then interprets as meaning she must love him the most in the entire world, something that he tells himself to justify her own actions in his own mind. It becomes a piece of "proof" that, later down the line, will make it difficult to reconcile with his complicated feelings on her once he realizes how toxic her child raising tactics were. (I go into more detail on this topic in this post!)

Riddle also says that if he responds with "yes, mother" then he will be praised for it. This, you'll notice, is a phrase that is very similar to what he demands his own dorm members respond to his orders with: "yes, dorm leader". It implies that Riddle is used to deferring to her judgement and authority, and so expects the same obedience of others when he is in that position of power. This agrees with his behavior in book 1. As Ace points out, Riddle is just acting like a miniature version of his own mom, right down to the angry reactions and shouting when things don't go his way.

Right after that, we get another short but telling line. Referring to his mother's affection, Riddle comments that he "doesn't need anything else", and decides to forgo asking for strawberry tarts ever again. He was willing to give up something he was curious about trying just to continue receiving praise. To me, this illustrates that the love of Mrs. Rosehearts was conditional: if you perform to her expectations, you get her love. If you don't perform to her expectations, well then, it's back to the books for you until you can. (Reminder: this does NOT confirm that Mrs. Rosehearts yells at Riddle or degrades him for not being “up to par”; there is just a sense of disappointment at this.) It implies that Riddle became used to a cycle of receiving the love and attention he wanted only when he behaved in a very specific way that his mother desired—otherwise, she withheld that affection. This is why Riddle believes following the rules will make him happy; it’s a result of what he has learned is the “norm” from his mother’s conditional love.

The light novel also shows us how this unhealthy mother-son relationship spills over into Riddle's other (potential) relationships. When Che'nya and Trey first approach him to invite Riddle to play with them, Riddle automatically says that he can't. He had the answer prepared for them, the response already deeply ingrained into him and likely already told to other children that tried to talk to him before. But even though Riddle rejects them, prioritizing his mother's praise over all else, he still feels a twinge of sadness about it. He even expects that he "let them down". "Let them down"? Now isn't that a funny statement. Why would Riddle be concerned about disappointing total strangers he has zero attachment to? Unless... he's so isolated that he just assumes everyone will treat him the same way his mother will. That they'll withhold love and attention if he doesn't act how they want him to. Thus, Riddle appears to associate failure to perform as resulting in rejection and lack of social acceptance.

This plays perfectly into one of the most chilling lines in Riddle's post-OB flashback: "But Mom... Why? Why does my heart hurt so much? [...] Tell me, Mom, please... What rule do I need to follow to make this pain go away?" These lines indicate Riddle finally coming to the realization that, deep down, he has always desired affection. A desire to make friends and to play with them, to have deeply intimate relationships. All he knew before was his mom was happy when he did well in his studies, so that was what he chose to excel in. Things changed when he was exposed to what unconditional love is like through Trey and Che'nya. Riddle's childhood friends are the ones who will love and accept him no matter what he's like, no matter what fuck-ups he makes or how socially awkward he is with them. He started to recognize that painful emptiness in him that never went way, no matter how many of his mom's rules he followed. Alas, Riddle was never able to come to terms with that sinking feeling because his mom had just torn him away from Trey and Che'nya not too long after learning that he had been skipping independent study time to play and eat a strawberry tart. He would not meet Trey again until enrolling at NRC, and by then, they've spent so much time apart (and, let's be real here, traumatized by Mrs. Rosehearts losing her temper over the tart incident) that her staunch mindset has clawed into Riddle's brain once more. His whole life, the main models of relationships he has to go off of are his mom and his dad, who don't appear to have a happy marriage (implied in his Suitor Suit voice lines). It's no wonder why making friends and truly opening up is difficult for him, even following the events of book 1. What else does Riddle have to reference? Crossword puzzles and textbooks? In Endless Halloween Night, the guy barely knows what a scavenger hunt is or how you'd find joy in it...

Unlike Leona, Riddle already had a pretty fleshed out backstory from his flashback. Instead of expanding on his motivations (as the light novel did with Leona), what the light novel does for Riddle is give us more information that implicates what his home life was like. It's still not that much, but it certainly better explains some of Riddle's oddly stringent viewpoints that we still see in the present day.

I know that this post was kind of a shorter read compared to the Leona one I did, but that's in part because I've already written at length about the complexities of Riddle's relationship with his mom, dad, and Trey. Those posts are bolded and linked, so if you're interested in more, then I'd recommend those readings!

#twst #twisted wonderland #Riddle Rosehearts #Trey Clover #twst light novel #twisted wonderland light novel #Chenya #Che'nya #disney twisted wonderland #notes from the writing raven #twst analysis #twisted wonderland analysis #twst character analysis #twisted wonderland character analysis #Leona Kingscholar

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hashtagloveloses · 7 months

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any time i fall into a depressive episode i have the devastating urge to rewatch fullmetal alchemist, and the october 3rd memes also gave me the urge again. so instead of rewatching, i did something i've been wanting to do for a long time instead - looked up the sheet music for parts of the score to learn on the violin. i'm DECENT on the violin but not the best, so i thought resembool's lullaby would be relatively easy to learn with a bit of practice. i went to sight read it, and despite listening to it constantly, realized quite quickly how it was deceptively way more difficult than i thought. it has a lot of double stops, AKA when you have to play two notes on two different strings at the same time, and getting them to sound good requires a good amount of technique.

there's the basic melody that pretty much anybody could hum, but the texture between and on top of the main melody that makes it special is the hard part. after seeing 800 memes about october third "fail to resurrect your mom and burn your house" day, i realized that the song itself about the elric brothers' home represents the deceptive nature of the taboo they tried to enact. resembool's lullaby, the musical motif that runs through all their travels and follows them just like the horror they experienced after what they did as kids, consists of a few basic, easy to acquire melodic "ingredients", just like the material ingredients edward lists off that physically make up the human body. it is only when attempting to play the theme, just like the boys' attempt at human transmutation, that you realize the extra spark that makes the song come alive, just like a human being, can't be done without a cost. in the song, obviously it is technique and practice, and for human transmutation, it is a soul, which can only be gotten at a price.

this theme shows up a lot in fullmetal alchemist brotherhood - often with a choir, or an orchestral arrangement, but not always the solo violin. the solo violin, though, still has these incredibly difficult chords you have to play the whole time. the most BASIC form of this motif and this theme HAS to have two notes played at the same time through most of it, just like how the elric brothers cannot be apart from each other. the story, the lullaby, their fates, it's always about the two of them, no matter the cost, even in how the music is played.

EDIT: also, the FIRST version on the OST is Lullaby of Resembool, which is played by solo cello, I believe. While the LAST version on the THIRD VOLUME OST is Resembool's Lullaby, which is the solo violin version with the double stops. The themes show up everywhere, but if the solo cello version shows up in the first season and the solo violin version shows up in the last, it resembles how Edward felt alone in trying to get his brother's body back at the beginning, and how at the end they are completely reunited again, even though they shared the same melody, the same story and struggle, the whole time.

#original post #fullmetal alchemist #fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood #fma #fmab #edward elric #alphonse elric

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yowlthinks · 6 days

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Dead Boy Detectives: a no-spoiler review

So I have finished DBDs last night, and frankly, I would have probably finished it in one or two days if not for time limitations. So I wanted to write a review without spoilers and in a Q&A format, so here we go.

tldr: I LOVED IT!

Q: Do I need background knowledge to enjoy it?

A: No, just dive in.

So first of all, a disclaimer: I have not read the Sandman comics, I have read one volume of the DBD comic just after the show was announced, but that did jot even cover the complete case, and I have watched the Sandman on Netflix.

If you are worried that you won't get what is happening, I can assure you, you will. You will get sucked into it immediately and will not want to leave.

Characters from Sandman (it is the same universe) that appear there are a bit like easter eggs: you'll get a kick out of it if you saw Sandman first, but otherwise you just watch them in DBDs and then if you decide to watch Sandman you will get a kick out of seeing these familiar faces there.

Q: What is the general vibe of the show? Is it spooky?

A: The show can be described as a heart-felt mystic detective story. It is funny, sweet and a tiny bit spooky (at a guess, PG13). Overall mood is.. joyful and optimistic.

You know how sometimes you want to watch something exciting, but not too scary?

Dramatic, but optimistic?

Light, but also quite profound and philosophical?

Personally, to me, this show ticks all of the above. And as I watched it with interruptions, at times I felt even lucky to have these because there are just so many big topics this show touches. It was often done by one line of the dialogue, but it would stay with you for the next couple of hours, getting you into this delicious state of philosophical exploration. I feel like at a re-watch this will come forward even more.

Q: I am a GO fan, will this tickle me?

A: Oh yes, it will and despite yourself you will be searching for Clues.

Let me just say that the main characters are another throught-the-ages duo, and you will have a lot of fun comparing and contrasting them with Aziraphale and Crowley, as well as Dream and Hob (these are from the Sandman and are also adorable).

One of the two protagonists wears a bow tie.

Another one is... well, Crowley would love him, I have no doubt in that.

Q: Does it deal well with queer representation? Are there neurodivergent characters?

A: Yes and (I would say) yes

Neil Gaiman was involved, what did you expect? Personally, I think this is one of those instances where the world itself basically treats queer as normal. It is just something that exists, and the world as it is now accepts it. The characters may have inner struggles / self-discovery journeys, but the present world at large accepts them fully and without judgement.

Q: Will it pass the Bechdel test?

A: Yes, with flying colours!!

All the characters are absolutely delicious, and I am not gonna give any more details because I don't want to spoil anything, but you do have all flavours of female protagonists, and you will love them all.

Q: What else did you like?

A: The way it was filmed, the title sequence and music, the humour, the costuming, THE CHEMISTRY between the characters!!

Look, I loved this show, please go and watch it, it is amazing and we need another season of this!

Also, there is a CAT KING!!!

#dead boy detectives #dbd #dead boy detective agency #good omens #sandman #the sandman #edwin payne #charles rowland #niko sasaki

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redgoldsparks · 1 month

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March Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 4 by Ryoko Kui

I'm reading these books so fast I can barely remember which parts of the plot happened in which volume but know that I am still having a great time!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 5 by Ryoko Kui

Oh, this story has taken a darker turn, and also just introduced a whole bunch more characters. Will I be able to keep track of them all? I hope so!

Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb, read by Anne Flosnik

Unfortunately, this is definitely the weakest Robin Hobb book I've read so far. I was expecting to like it less than the glorious, 5-star previous trilogy, but I actually think I'm going to skip the rest of the Rain Wild Chronicles and read summaries online to get to the next Fitz books. This book follows five main POV characters. This works fairly well for the first half, when the characters are all in different physical locations. However once all of the characters meet up, we start getting the same scene from multiple different POVs, which feels extremely repetitive. Also, almost EVERY SCENE includes a flashback, often a lengthy flashback, sometimes to something that happened only the previous day and could have been told as present-moment action. This writing choice baffled me. It's something I can't remember struggling with in any of Hobb's previous books, but by the end it was driving me up a wall. The book also moved very slowly; the stakes feel lower, and the character far less emotionally true than in the two Fitz trilogies. Disappointing, but I will keep moving forward towards the next part of the series I want to read.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 6 by Ryoko Kui

Damn, a lot of characters get murdered in this volume! Good thing almost everyone who dies in the dungeon can be revived. Also, very excited to finally meet the cat ninja I've been seeing fan art of since before I even started the series :3

Delicious in Dungeon vol 7 by Ryoko Kui

I am still completely caught up in this series. I love the glimpse of Senshi's past revealed in this volume, and the lore of the dungeon that is still being revealed. There was a line in here about how the dungeon leaves you alone if you don't ask much of it, but that if you have strong desires it throws even more obstacles into your way. Our heroes have such big goals right now, but they're marching ahead regardless!

School Trip by Jerry Craft

A satisfying new installment in the New Kid series from funny, talented, charming Jerry Craft! I appreciated how this volume started to complicate some of the students who had been left a bit one-dimensional in previous books. Several people stood up to and called out a bully; new friendships were built; and Jordan Banks left Paris even more inspired than ever to follow his dreams of becoming an artist. This series has a lot of jokes, but also a lot of heart!

A Frog in Fall (and Later On) by Linnea Sterte

Minor frog is less than a year old, and is dismayed when winter begins to steal all of the light and warmth from his world. Instead of bunking down safely with his mentor to wait for spring, he sets out on a journey with two vagabond toads passing by on a quest to make it all the way to the tropics. They tramp through the Japanese countryside, encountering tree spirits, new friends, dangers, and views the likes of which minor frog had never even imagined. This is a gorgeous book; every page worth pouring over, an economy of line and detail building a beautiful and mysterious world of talking animals and miniature packaged foods. Made me want to draw.

Dark Rise by CS Pacat read by Christian Coulson

In 1820s London, orphaned Will tries to earn enough as a dockworker to survive- and evade the killers pursuing him. Violet dresses in her half-brother's clothes and sneaks onto a ship in the Thames to watch a man be branded with his master's mark. Katherine excitedly anticipates her engagement to one of London's richest and most mysterious lords; his gallantry nearly makes up for the fact that he's twice her age. And in the bowels of one of that lord's ships, James tortures a man for information. All of these characters are 16 or 17 years old, but all of them are tangled in an ancient conflict between the Light and the Dark which stretches back into an age of magic before history. This is CS Pacat's YA fantasy debut, and it contains a lot of tropes very familiar to both YA and high fantasy- there are shades of both Tolkien and Rowling in this. Its fast-paced and action-packed, but especially in the first third of the story, the characters all felt fairly thin. None of them have quirks, hobbies, career hopes, relationships outside of immediate family, school, or work; or much more than a brief sketch of past. It took until the mid-way point for what I consider Pacat's major strengths as a writer to emerge: intense, homoerotic interpersonal sparring between characters operating under major power imbalances. Every scene in which the seductive, manipulative, powerful evil gay faced off against the good boy chosen one crackled with energy. Unfortunately, there were only four of these scenes in the whole book. It ends on a cliff-hanger, because of course it does, with a tempting set up for book two; but that doesn't entirely excuse the fact that the first 50% felt like set up. I will definitely keep reading, but long-time Pacat fans should take note that this is toned down version of what I expected based on Captive Prince.

Feeding Ghosts by Tessa Hulls (re-read before event)

What an accomplishment! I savored every page of Feeding Ghosts, absolutely floored by the labor and courage that went into the writing of this book. The inking is gorgeous, the history is clear, digestible, and devastating. This book threads the line between honesty and compassion in a way that I appreciate so much in any memoir, but especially one dealing with family. Hulls lays out the story of three generations of women starting with her grandmother, Sun Yi, a Shanghai journalist who faced intense persecution during the rise of Communism in China, who penned a popular and scandalous memoir and then suffered a mental breakdown. This left her only daughter, Rose, a student at an elite boarding school with no parental figures and no other family to lean on. Eventually Rose earned a scholarship to an American university and in the end moved her mother into her California home. Sun Yi haunted that home during the author's own childhood. The unexamined trauma and codependency of Sun Yi and Rose drove the author to the extreme edges of the Earth, seeking freedom from their ghosts. But in the end, she stopped running from her family history and turned, instead, to face it. Shelve this book with Maus, Fun Home, Persepolis and The Best We Could Do. Re-read it for a second time and got even more out of it on a second pass.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 8 by Ryoko Kui

Laios and company realize that their encounter with changling mushroom rings had more consequences than they'd realized- its the body swap episode! This visual humor is contrasted against increasing dangers from both above and below, as nastier monsters and political machinations begin to close in on our heroic adventuring party. I'm now over halfway through this series and almost feel like I should start reading it more slowly to savor it, but I'll probably just keep devouring it instead.

Lunar New Year Love Story by Gene Luen Yang and Leuyen Pham

High school senior Val grew up knowing her family was unlucky in love; for generations, relationships in her family have ended in heartbreak. Her childhood love of Valentines Day ends with a shocking family revelation and what feels like the beginning of a curse. Then her Vietnamese grandmother sweeps her off to a Lunar New Year celebration in downtown Oakland and a pair of cute lion dancer boys catch her eye. Could one of them break the spell on her heart? This story offers a classic and satisfying rom-com, with Val torn between an outgoing, rich, but flaky boy and a broody, shy, loyal one. The story takes several kdrama style twists and includes ghosts, saints, red envelopes, confessions, fights, reunions, tears, and kisses. For a comic, its wordy; the pages are dense with small panels and thick with dialogue, but also illustrated with such warm, humor, and realism. I really liked that the story included as much of Val's relationship with her family and best friend as romance. And the lion dancing scenes practically leap off the page with color and energy!

Witch Hat Atelier vol 10 by Kamome Shirahama

This series remains as visually stunning as ever but I'm struggling with how every single book expands the cast. There are so many characters now that I don't care about that much, and have trouble remembering from volume to volume. I wish the story line would stick more closely to Coco, her classmates, and their main mentors!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 9 by Ryoko Kui

Oh the stories are all converging! The savior at the bottom of the dungeon is probably a demon! Ituzumi saves the day! I am still having a great time reading this series.

A Dowry of Blood by ST Gibson read by Abby Craden

A short, very queer, very poly retelling of Dracula focusing on his coven of enthralled lovers. I liked the way the book breezed through history, as the dysfunctional little family moved from one major European city to the next, with snatched moments of glittering joy interwoven with violence and plague. The story is fairly simple, and has a happier ending than I expected, or honestly think the characters deserved.

City of Dragons by Robin Hobb

I DNFed the previous book in this series and just read a summary online before skipping ahead to this one. I think that was a very good choice for me. This third one was more engaging and a bit more action packed, with some cool discoveries about the city of Kelsingra and the nature of Elderlings. But the Rain Wild Chronicles as a whole do not stand up to the quality of the Farseer books. There are so many POV characters that a few of them get only two or three scenes in this whole book. I don't feel that I deeply know any of these characters; while at the same time watching Hobb pair them off at an extraordinary rate- in the last book five sets of characters got together and in this book an additional two couples are developing feelings for each other. Between this and a kidnapping, a birth, a murder, and a lot of blackmail, this series feels like a soap opera.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 10 by Ryoko Kui

Almost two TPKs in this volume, yikes!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 11 by Ryoko Kui

You know shit's getting serious when the character who has been the series main villain up until now is partially devoured by a different, worse villain. Exciting changes coming to this dungeon under it's new lord and master!

Squad by Maggie Tokuda-Hall and Lisa Sterle

When Becca gets invited to sit with the popular girl clique at her new high school, she's thrilled. But the friendship turns bloody and complicated when she learns that her new friends are actually werewolves who need to kill and feed on a human once a month. If she joins them, Becca will gain superhuman strength and a pack; she'll never have to fear a male predator again, because she will be a predator herself. I loved the queer rep and the twist on werewolf lore; I wish it had been a little longer and more developed. Give me multi-page transformations sequences!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 12 by Ryoko Kui

I love seeing all these plot lines come together! Building towards a wild climax.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 13 by Ryoko Kui

I went out and *bought* vol 13 of this series because my library didn't have it yet, that's how hooked I am. And now I have to wait until JULY for the final volume! (But also, thank goodness I didn't get into this series any sooner or I'd have a much longer wait).

#book reviews #books #reading #comics #manga

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osddid-i-do-that · 1 month

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Just finished reading Elle(s), a comic series by Aveline Stokart & Kid Toussant

I’m struggling to find other people with OSDDID reviewing this, so I guess I’ll drop my 2¢ in.

There was a lot that felt really relatable in here — especially having an alter who goes completely quiet and shuts people out when conflict happens, and people you’re close to feeling confused and concerned by your completely different reactions to things. The art is gorgeous, and the visual indicator of the hair color changing was a neat way to show which alter is fronting.

There’s some inner world stuff that’s central to the story and while there are a lot of fantasy elements, I actually didn’t mind it as a storyline and a way to explain some of the amnesia Elle experiences and her general experience in brain space.

Where I start having issues is the explanation for Elle’s alters. I guess I have to admit, Elle isn’t diagnosed with DID or OSDD in-story. She’s technically (mis?)diagnosed with bipolar disorder (which, I think a lot of people with OSDDID will also relate to. That was a diagnosis I got and then had removed later when it was clear something else was going on). So while the narrative doesn’t explicitly tell you “this is someone with a complex dissociative disorder!!!” it’s very much in the subtext.

Which is why the turn in the second volume is … kind of a slap in the face? (Spoilers ahead.)

I kept waiting to find out what had caused each alter to split. I was especially interested in the personality who doesn’t speak — I figured there was an interesting origin story there.

Instead … the story veers off in the direction of, “Elle is the is way because she was actually several embryos who fused into one.”

Oof.

It doesn’t explore trauma beyond mentioning a kidnapping attempt when Elle was young (and not even delving into it as the cause of a split. It’s just a thing that happened).

It feels like the creators of this work may have wanted to do something else with it? Elle was supposedly adopted as an infant, but there are no baby pictures of her and no photos at all until around age 6. This is never explained. The kidnapping attempt is mentioned but downplayed. The ending feels exceptionally rushed.

It’s frustrating because MUCH of this story is very relatable, and the inner-world fantasy aspects might not be super grounded but they don’t completely come off as misinformation. But that chimera plot point (and look — chimerism in people is real and SUPER cool. It just doesn’t cause complex dissociative disorders) and the pacing issues near the end make it kinda come to a crashing stop.

I guess this means my search for good OSDDID rep in media continues …

#elles #aveline stokart #kid toussant #actually did #actually dissociative #osddid #sysblr #dissociative identity disorder #did system #actually osdd #media review #comic review #sbc system tag: pyxis 🔮

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sugars-fluffy-escapes · 2 years

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Unconventional Ice Breakers and Equally Unconventional Comfort Methods

Eddie Munson x Introvert!ND!Reader

SFW; angsty to fluffy, lots of comfort, new friends to lovers energy, reader has ADHD + Autism

Words: 7883 (oops- jesusfuck- 💀)

Summary: After moving back to your hometown of Hawkins, Indiana, you find yourself connecting with a former classmate of yours that you didn't get to talk to during your time at Hawkins High. As you two come to realize how much you have in common, you open up to him about being a college dropout. In classic Eddie Munson fashion, he seeks to cheer you up and encourages you not to be ashamed.

Warnings: Non-graphic description of past depression + su*c*dal feelings (Though there's nothing explicitly detailed, please do not read if it might trigger you. Your wellbeing comes before a story on tumblr), mild diss*ciation, w33d usage is mentioned by both reader and Eddie (please skip if that makes you uncomfortable. There will be plenty of Eddie content that doesn't mention w33d), fear of failure, self doubt and shame, lots of cussing (as per usual), Eddie being his obnoxious dramatic self <3, fluffy tickles (this is a tickle fic after all which is really no surprise on this blog AHHSHDHF /lh) and lots of comfort, not canon-compliant

DISCLAIMER: The reader in this story is the same age as Eddie and has a mullet hairstyle, but it is neverspecified that their hair is a specific texture or type (being inclusive of fellow Black fic readers is my top priority) It's whatever style of mullet you want it to be. Hell, it could even be a wig! However you want it to look, is how it looks. All of the reader's experiences are inspired by my own experiences as an ND person (and my personal experience being a college dropout, though I am NOT explicitly telling my personal story here). Not everyone who's ND acts how the reader in this story acts. This story is not meant to romanticize mental health struggles, nor make light of how people find ways to stay afloat in the midst of them. (As someone who's been through my own mental health battles, my only hope is that people can find comfort in this story and be reminded that there's a calm after the storm). Also, I'm still not as familiarized with D&D as I want to be (my introvert self needs to find a group to play with), so in this fic, just envision Eddie is acting like he's straight out of a cheesy 80s fantasy movie when his theatrics jump out later in the fic, because he would absolutely watch those films.

*Spoilers for Stranger Things 4 (both volumes) under the cut*

You'd been standing frozen as you stared at the pathway that led to the front door of your childhood home, holding the last box of your valuables, yet to be carried inside. The house had received a fresh coat of paint, soft yellow in color, and in the window, you could catch a glimpse of the banner your loved ones had hung up in the living room.

~WELCOME HOME!~

the banner read, but you didn't feel welcome... The idea of that final trek up to the steps, felt akin to preparing to take the walk of shame. It was a shame you couldn't shake from your head. Despite your family being more than understanding, despite them, in a time where being misunderstood was running rampant like a plague, the shame you felt, the shame your mind haunted you with, would not shake.

The ringing in your ears, brought about by the complete silence that surrounded you, seemed so loud. It was so loud... so loud that you didn't even hear the rumbling engine of the van that had stopped on the street right behind you. As your eyes continued to stare forward, defocusing in the midst of your overthinking, you hadn't heard him calling out to you with concern lacing his voice.

The voice, now louder and closer, snapped you from your thoughts. "Hellooooo? Earth to strangerrrr!" You let out a shriek, body jumping violently before you whipped around and jumped a second time from how close he was, the box nearly slipping from your grip.

Before it could fall, another pair of hands were quick to steady it. You gazed at them, his fingertips nearly touching yours, and concluded that the silver rings that adorned them, along with the chain bracelet on one wrist and a watch on the other, seemed oddly familiar.

"I got you- it! I- got it- the box. Uh... Sorry about the scare. You were standing still an awwwfully long time. Are you good?"

"Y-Yeah... I-I'm... I'm okay..." The KISS shirt he was wearing caught your eye, though it was the black leather jacket and denim battle vest you knew you'd seen before. When you looked up at him to say thank you, the realization finally dawned on you. After the words left your lips, you were silent for a few seconds, gathering the courage to look into his eyes before you spoke again. "Eddie...? Eddie Munson, r-right...?"

Eddie's brows furrowed curiously, initially wondering how you knew his name. The gears stopped turning in his head and he let out a gasp that startled you briefly. He raised his hand with his finger already pointed. "Wait a minute... Do my eyes deceive me, or am I currently face-to-face with Y/N 'The Wallflower' L/N, the most brilliant mind, in the Hawkins class of '84, who's sporting a mullet~?"

"W-Wallflower!? I... Is that what people called me...?"

Eddie chuckled and shook his head. "Noho! Nooooo~ I never heard anyone call you that, don't worry. I-I didn't mean that as a bad thing, promise. You were just... as quiet as a church mouse in school, and I- maybe heard you talk loudly like- once, so..." he shrugged, making sure you had a steady hold on the box before he crossed his arms and let his hands rest beneath his shoulders.

"...the mullet does look nice. Suits you. A lot, actually."

"Thank you." You hummed in acknowledgement, setting the box down beside you, rocking back and forth on your heels as you tried to think of what to say. The silence was painfully awkward, and your often very quiet neighborhood did little to ease the tension.

Eddie opted to make another attempt at breaking the ice. "Have we- ever actually spoken to each other? Like, before now?"

"I..." you knit your brows as you pondered. You couldn't think back to a single time you two had spoken, and Eddie, who already knew the answer, was chuckling. "N-No... We dihidn't! Wait! Hohow?"

"Sahahame age, same grade, eheven had quite a few classes together, buhut we never had a conversation. Funny, isn't it?" He smiled impishly and leaned a little closer, his expression growing serious and his voice lowering in volume. "Were you afraid of me~?"

Were you? Had you been? Was he mad? Annoyed? The question gave you butterflies, and you quickly shook your head in a slight panic, worried he was truly upset with you as you struggled to read his tone. "What? No! I... I wasn't afraid, I just..." Your words trailed off upon seeing that he was laughing again.

"IhIhI'm just teasing you~"

You could feel your face growing a little warm from embarrassment, eyes darting down to the pavement as you tugged on your sleeves. "Right... right... Sorry..."

Eddie tilted his head sideways as he waited for you to look up again, offering you a warm and reassuring smile, his hair beginning to fall in front of his face. You couldn't help but return it, before looking down at the box on the ground. "You back in town to stay? Or are you just visiting?"

The shame that had been churning in your stomach several minutes before, that for a short amount of time, lay dormant, bubbled up to the front of your mind again. "I... Um... I'm back in town to stay..." You were hoping he didn't ask you to elaborate further. Much to your relief, he didn't.

"Wellll, would you maybe... wanna catch up, or something? At some point? Y'know? IhI say catch up, when really we'd finally be getting acquainted. Maybe we can actually get to know each other?"

Eddie's question caught you off guard, and in the process, briefly interrupted your shame, and as your body responded to the sudden joy, you began to bounce on your heels. "Yeah! I-I'd uh... I'd like that, actually."

Your eyes seemed as though they'd lit up when Eddie caught a glimpse of them. He'd seen you happy stim before when you were in school together, but he'd never seen the endearing sight so vividly. His smile morphed into a grin and he nodded.

"Cool! Alright!" He clapped before pointing at you as he began to move backward toward his van, cussing when he nearly lost his balance upon stepping off the curb. "What do you say- SHIT! What do you say, we go grab some food tomorrow or something? I could pick you up. Maybe around four?"

"F-Four... yeah... Sounds like a plan!" You gave a rather awkward thumbs up, and Eddie laughed as he returned the gesture from his spot in the front seat, before giving a quick wave as he began to drive off. As your brain started to catch up with everything that had just happened, you blinked a few times, and took a breath before picking up the box.

You can do this... Last box... Your family's excited to see you... They're still proud of you... You're hanging out with someone tomorrow... You can do this... No shame... no shame...

Those words echoed in your head repeatedly. With one final inhale and exhale, you walked up the concrete pathway, and up your front steps.

***

Your eyes felt heavy as you attempted to talk yourself out of bed the following morning. You'd been surprised with your favorite dinner and dessert combo the previous night, which you accepted with hesitance. Not even your comfort foods could take your mind off of the impact of what you saw as your biggest failure. The sudden ringing of your morning alarm, made you violently flinch and scramble to hit the snooze. You'd woken up a mere three minutes before it had been set to go off.

Throughout the day, you felt as though you were losing yourself. It was as if your mind lagged behind your body. All you could think about, as you looked in the mirror and didn't quite see yourself looking back at you, was one word... failure... As time continued to tick by, you silently got ready, since somehow, you'd done nothing but blink and suddenly four in the afternoon was fast approaching. A soft, collared sweater was your top of choice, with comfy shorts of a soothing fabric.

"So, I ran into Wayne Munson at the market the other day." A family member said from the kitchen as you slowly put your shoes on. "Y/N, didn't you go to school with his nephew, honey?"

At first, the question went through one ringing ear and out the other, but after a few seconds, you registered the statement.

"Y-Yeah... yeah... Um... I'm hanging out with Eddie today."

"Oh? Old school friends catchin' up? IhI'm not teasing, I'm genuinely curious."

You finished tying your shoes and stood up to grab your bag, settling your building anxiety by pinching the fabric of your sweater sleeve between two fingers. "We never actually spoke in high school... S-So, I guess you'd call it new friends getting to know each other... right?"

"I'd say so," your relative said with a smile on her face. "You put that rock I gave you back in your bag, right? The... what was it called...? Sensory rock?

"I got it before I came back downstairs. Thank you for the reminder." Your body jolted with a burst of adrenaline upon hearing the knock at the door. It hadn't been loud, or obnoxious, but your hypersensitivity was in full swing and it left you jumpy.

Eddie was all smiles when you opened the door, and gave a little wave with his hand as he greeted you. "Hihi. Ready to go?" The quiet thumping of your younger cousin running to the door had given you time to brace for them bumping into your leg.

"Mama! Are you and the rest of the grownups aware that a cute guy with funny hair is taking Y/N out?"

Eddie's brows knit together, but he began to chuckle. "Fuhunny hair?"

"They know! And I am a grownup!" You exclaimed quickly, shaking your cousin off of your leg and tugging at your sleeve as you moved to step outside with your former classmate.

An elderly family member guffawed from the living room, which travelled down the tall ceilings of the hallway. "Have fun, baby! Make sure Eddie says hello to his Uncle Wayne for me!"

"He knows my uncle?"

The answer to Eddie's question came seconds after he'd asked it far too quietly for anyone except you to have possibly heard him. "From work!"

"IhI will, love you all, bye!"

"You're gonna dip without introducing him?" Oh boy. You gave Eddie an apologetic look, but he only grinned as your little cousin led him to say hello to the rest of the house. You knew your family wasn't uptight or judgmental, nor did they buy into Satanic Panic, but still, your worries weren't eased right away. When Eddie ended up with an invitation to Friday's dinner and family game night, you knew right then and there that you'd had nothing to worry about after all.

Thirty minutes passed by, and when you'd actually stepped out the door to walk to Eddie's van, you took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry..."

"Don't be! Dohon't be. Your family's really kind." Eddie was smiling bright as could be, taking energetic and funky little strides toward the passenger side of the van, which he held open for you, offering his hand for support as you stepped inside.

"Thank you."

"My pleasure." Eddie hopped into the driver's side, resting his hand on the wheel. "So... This hangout is completely zero pressure and whatever you want to do, so... if you wanted to eat in somewhere, we could do that. If you want to get food to-go and just eat it wherever, I'm down."

The van was quiet as you pondered. "Um... C-Could we... Take our food to go...? And just be somewhere with less people...?"

"Absolutely, we can. You don't mind listening to Black Sabbath on the way, do you?"

Eddie's question had you smiling involuntarily, wrists shaking with suppressed joy. "Orchid is my fahavorite song."

His eyes widened, before his brow furrowed, head tilting in your direction, starting the car and pulling out a Black Sabbath cassette tape which he briefly fiddled with. "Are you telling me that not only is the Hawkins Wallflower sporting a mullet, but they're also a metalhead!?"

"Y-Yes...? Is that... a bad thing...?"

"No! No. IhIt's... it's wihihicked, actually! What uh, what other bands do you listen to?"

The entire time you were driving to get food, Eddie listened eagerly as you info-dumped about all the metal bands you listened to, and at one point, the two of you were head banging to Detroit Rock City, the music far too loud in your ears to be bothered by an elderly couple gaping in horror in the car next to yours.

Another half hour passed by after that, and as you held your food in your hands, the two of you trekked through the woods, venturing to your hangout spot of choice, Skull Rock. It was quiet enough, and oddly peaceful despite its eeriness. Despite the many moments of joy in the evening thus far had helped to distract you from your woes, they were still sitting at the back of your head. The ringing in your ears was still there. The pressures you felt were subconsciously building.

Eddie had been telling you about one of his concert experiences when the ringing became worse. He saw the way your stimming had changed, and recognized it as a sign of stress, one he'd noticed when your class was taking tests or if the room became too noisy.

"Hey. Y/N... are you alright?" It felt as though you were hearing Eddie from several feet away, instead of right next to him. You fiddled with your sensory rock, which sat in your open bag, and took a few seconds to ground yourself.

"Um... Y-Yeah... just... I know we're far from them now but... I was just, overwhelmed by big groups of people today... I-Including my family... I know that's mean to say..."

"Wehell, they love you, and you've definitely made them proud. They'll survive if you need a breather from thehem. I promise."

Made them proud... You didn't feel that way... not one bit... and it was eating away at you now...

"IhI... I don't know about that..."

"Are you kidding me? I can see in their eyes how proud they are!"

"They shouldn't be, Eddie... They really shouldn't." You could feel the pressure in your chest growing heavier the longer the conversation carried on. It became too much. You couldn't skirt around your guilt and shame any longer.

"What could you have possibly done that would make you think your family shouldn't be proud of you-"

"I didn't graduate!" Your outburst was just as surprising to you as it was to Eddie. He'd almost never heard you raise your voice above an indoor speaking level in school. "I-I'm so sorry... I... I didn't graduate college, Eddie."

Eddie smiled in disbelief at the sorrow in your eyes. "Thahat's okay-"

"No... No it isn't. Th-That's... This isn't okay..." You saw Eddie tilt his head in your peripheral vision.

"Do you... wanna talk about it...? Y/N...?"

"It's... so much, Eddie. I don't want to burden you with this. I-I... I really don't..."

You wanted to keep the shame to yourself. You wanted to. But you couldn't...

"Y/N. If you need someone to ramble to, about anything that's on your mind, I'm here. I'm sittin' right here, and I'm not going anywhere." The air was near silent, save for the distant sounds of birds calling to each other in trees, and the crunching of the grass beneath your shoes when you rocked your heels.

"I don't know what happened, Eddie... I... I fell behind in everything... The more time passed, the more I... the more I just..." The tears you had been fighting to hold back, the tears you had been trying to will away, to dry up and disappear, finally fell, and poured out in long streams down your cheeks. "The more I... thought th-that... things would be better... if... if I was gone..."

You hugged your own arms tightly and closed your eyes, too ashamed to look up at your former classmate while your body rocked back and forth.

"Y/N-"

"I spent everyday, of college... more high than sober... Every... hour... that I was awake, I was smoking weed," You rambled, leg bouncing rapidly and body moving in distress automatically. "I'm not ashamed of it, please don't think that I am... I'm not against marijuana usage or anything... I just... I wish it hadn't taken being high all the time, just to keep me here. It was... it... it was the only thing that kept me floating, when all I wanted to do, was s-sink."

Eddie was silent as he looked at you. Never in a million years would he have guessed you went through something like that. You'd always been hyper-vigilant about doing well in school, at one point a teacher even suggested asking you to tutor him. He'd had no clue how to approach you. Neither of you had even spoken to each other at that time.

He'd seen the brightness in your eyes the day you graduated. A student with highest distinction, accepted into your dream college and hopeful about the future, now broken and in tears with your future feeling like a lost cause. You realized he'd been looking at you, and you hastily wiped your eyes with a hollow laugh. "S-Some star student I turned out to be, right...? I... I only made it halfway..."

"Y/N-"

"I-I've embarrassed myself enough, Eddie... I don't... I don't know why you wanted to get to know me... This... This is me... I'm a college dropout... All my potential... it... it was wasted... It is wasted..."

Eddie couldn't let you continue on. "Can I tell you what I've been doing since you graduated, Y/N?" He waited until you looked up at him before he spoke again, and even then, he was silent for a few moments, wondering if what he said would provide you any comfort at all.

"E-Eddie...?"

"I've still been trying to pass senior year..."

"What...?"

Eddie leaned closer to elaborate. "Yeah... I was held back again. I'm the last person, who'd ever judge you for being a college dropout. You have nothing to prove, Y/N. You're... you're brilliant, alright?"

"You're wrong, Eddie. That's wrong. I-I... I'm not."

"Yes, you are-"

Your words came out louder than you'd meant them to through your pained sobbing. "No, I'M NOT! I-I'm not... I'm just living proof that church mice and wallflowers don't make it anywhere..."

Eddie's heart sank even more upon hearing those words leave your mouth. He began to wonder if that nickname had only hurt you more. In your peripheral vision, despite your tears blurring your sight, you saw Eddie offering a hand. With a deep breath, you took hold of it and squeezed it.

"I'm sorry, Y/N."

"For what, Eddie...? You didn't do anything wrong... I'm the failure here..."

"No, no... You're the farthest from a failure someone can be. I never meant to discourage or hurt you with those nicknames. If I'm responsible for shaking your confidence at all today, I'm sorry. You've been through enough and... I made that worse-"

"No, you didn't, Eddie. I swear, you didn't. I've... just spent a long time trying to keep myself hidden. I didn't want to be seen. I didn't want to be judged." You sniffled and wiped your eyes. "I'm just really surprised... I didn't expect to be seen by anybody... I-I really didn't expect it when you asked me to hang out, because it meant that you saw me... A-And maybe that scared me a little bit... But, I really don't mind the nicknames."

"Are you sure, Y/N?"

You nodded firmly, before lowering your head. "I guess... if anything... I-I'm... I'm embarrassed that you ever had to see me like this, Eddie..."

"Are you fuckin' kidding me?" Eddie saw your eyes water and quickly assured you he wasn't mad at you. "Wh-What I'm trying to say is... damn it... Have you seen me, Y/N? I can't tell you how many times I've felt the way you feel... You're looking at the guy who's barely about to, maybe, finally pass senior year and graduate. The obnoxious nerdy 'freak' who carries the weed he deals in his fucking lunch box. You will never, ever, hear any kind of shame, from me, toward you... 'Kay...?"

"Eddie... don't... you don't have to..."

"I'm not gonna give you the chance to feel embarrassed about crying in front of me!" Eddie argued. "So, come on! What's it gonna take to get you smiling again? To get that little fucker known as 'shame,' to leave you alone for a while?"

"I-I don't kn-know..." you sniffled, staring down at the ground beneath you, tugging on your sweater sleeves. A fresh wave of tears fell from your eyes and you sobbed into your fabric-covered hands. "God! I-I'm *hic* such a crybaby!"

"Nononono, no, Y/N! You're not a crybaby. Y-You're... you're processing something heavy and... dammit. Please, don't be so hard on yourself."

Eddie was growing more distressed by the second over seeing you so unhappy. It wasn't usually so hard for him to help someone feel better. He'd become a natural at it; an expert, even. But, your mind was struggling to believe any of his words, and that worried him. He sat in front of you, mindful not to touch you in case it would make you uncomfortable, as he did his best to figure out how to support you.

"A hug? A stupid story? Give me something, please." Eddie moved closer, the panic in his voice evident as he tried to figure out how to make you feel better. Your sobs turned to quiet hiccups, but you struggled to think of something that could make you feel alright, and you silently shrugged, wiping your eyes. "Jokes? Funny voices? Stupid faces? Christ! I-I... I don't know what would help you, and I reallywant to help you... I don't want you to feel sad, Y/N. Shit... Tickling?"

He immediately noticed your breath hitch in your throat upon hearing his final idea, and he saw the faint hints of happy stimming in the way your body moved. Your eyes briefly shifted to meet his gaze, but as quickly as you'd looked at him, you looked away. "Hold on... what was that?"

"What? What w-was what...?"

"You know exactly fucking what~" Eddie pointed at you with a tiny smirk forming on his lips. "Are you ticklish, church mouse?"

"I... I-I don't kn-know!?" you stammered out, sniffling and wiping your eyes. "What d-does this have to do with- why did you- I... I'm not-"

"Ticklish~?"

His sudden utterance of the word caused a squeak to leave your mouth. "Stop saying it!"

"Why? Is it giving you butterflies or something?" Eddie's tone was growing increasingly playful in nature, and he stood up, holding his hands up cautiously and pointing at you, eyes widening. "Carefullll~ They say there's a terrifying presence out in these woods. An all powerful being... A magic user... who replenishes his power, with the sweet... sounds... of... laughter~!"

You jumped when he leaned forward, inhaling with a loud gasp and tucking your arms close to your chest, a giggle slipping out. "Eheddie!"

"Shh! He can hear you~" Eddie whispered, looking around as though he were expecting something to jump out. "Some folks even claim, that he can possess whatever living human being he desires, to carry out his bidding~"

"E-Eddie..."

"Something tells me he's been keeping a verrrry watchful eye... on a certain tearful hero, sitting juuuust beneath... Skulllll Rock~" When he suddenly turned to look at you, you couldn't help the stim that took over your hands, and you attempted to stay composed by once again tucking your arms close to you. He leaned closer again, crouching down so he was at eye level with you, and his voice became hushed and genuine in tone. "I'm not actually gonna do anything unless I have the alright from you. Okay?"

You bit your lip and pondered briefly. The shame was so trapped in your head, so heavy on your person, that you knew a major distraction was needed. Your brain needed to focus on something else. It needed to. With a deep breath, your leg bouncing rapidly, you looked up at him.

"I... I really need the distraction... You can... You can... you know... You have the alright from me..."

Eddie's eyes remained gazing at you, his expression seemingly stuck. You furrowed your brows curiously, tilting your head as you looked at your friend frozen in place. "Eddie...?"

All of a sudden, his eyes rolled back, he clutched his head with both hands, and keeled over with a roar, making you jump and shriek. "It's- GAHHH! He's... he's got me, Y/N! FUCKIN- CHRIST! Hurry! Run! Before he-" He let out a low and gravelly scream through grit teeth as he exaggeratedly writhed and kicked in the leaves on the ground. After a moment, his body was still, and his head whipped in your direction to look into your eyes with a blank stare, his lips having curled into a smirk. The expression on his face was nearing feral.

You felt your heart flutter and skip, still frozen where you sat. "Eddie...?" The moment he spoke, a wave of chills washed over your body.

"I'm afraid you're mistaken, Y/N~ Eddie Munson is now merely a vessel, for the being only ever before described, as nothing. but. a. myth. You, my adventurous wallflower, are now face-to-face... with the Evilllllll... Overlorrrrrd..." he slowly lifted his hands before teasingly wiggling his fingers in the air, "...of tickling!"

The loud squeak you let out had been completely involuntary. Your eyes widened when he took a couple steps toward you, feeling the nervous laughter bubbling in your throat and up to the roof of your mouth. He suddenly lurched forward, with his hands resting on his knees, making you shriek and stim with your legs, your hands covering your mouth to muffle the giggling that he'd startled out of you.

"I have one question for you to answer~ Since it is evident that you are doomed to laughter, I'll let you make this decision for me." Eddie stood back up, and slowly paced in front of you, hands clasped behind his back. "You can attempt the hero's journey; run, hide, or fight... It doesn't matter in the end, but you can try it~ Or, you can continue sitting still, like you are right now, and accept your fate, instead of prolonging the inevitable. Which do you choose?"

"W-Whahat!?"

"Try and run, timid adventurer, or surrender to your destiny. Which. Do. You. Choose~?"

It took a few seconds for you to decide, and even then, you weren't quite sure what you were doing, but you slowly stood up, and began to back away, the sound of the leaves and dirt only amplifying in your ears due to yours and Eddie's silence. "Well then~ A chase it shall be~"

An evil cackle tore its way from Eddie's chest and echoed in the trees, which sent you squealing and running to the other side of the rock. You noticed a lack of running noises in the dirt behind you, and turned back. Eddie wasn't anywhere to be seen.

"E-Eddie...?"

You let out a loud and shrill scream when Eddie jumped in front of you with a startling cackle, wrapping his arms around your waist and wrestling you to the ground.

"EDDIE! You don't play fair!"

"Oh on the contrary~ I did chase you. I just never told you how long or short the chase would be~" He gently took hold of your wrists, and slowly moved them to hover above the ground by the sides of your head. "Now then- play along- I shall cast a spell, and pin these hands, right by your head."

As he emphasized the word, he set your hands down, and, to play along, you kept them there. He was taking his act so seriously that you almost wanted to laugh then and there.

"As evil a being as I am, it's still vital that you're feeling comfortable. If you do not feel alright with me using my hands directly on your skin, I'll respect your wishes." Despite still acting in character, you knew he was reassuring you that he would not cross any of your boundaries.

With a bite of your lip, and a timid huff, you averted your eyes at first, but, to make sure Eddie knew that you weren't feeling pressured, that you were okay with the slightly more intimate affection, you met his eyes once more and answered, awkwardly attempting to tell a joke in your response. "I don't m-mind... It's okay. I-I'm... kihinda... kinda fahahated to l-laughter either wahAHAYYY!"

You couldn't help the nervous squeak when Eddie carefully moved his hands under your sweater, feeling his hands just centimeters away from your torso. "I hope you're prepared to laugh hysterically, you endearing little church mouse."

His pointer fingers began to trace slow, light patterns up and down the skin on your sides, making your nerves jolt, the giggly whimper that left your lips causing you to swear under your breath with mild embarrassment. The smile on his lips was growing wider, dimples and all.

"Mmph- hmhm... ohoho nohohoho! Pffft! Shihihit! ShihIHIHIT!"

"Something tells me that you've just realized you're far more ticklish than you thought you were, my helpless mortal~" His tone was low, the vocal fry in his voice only making him sound more menacing. "I wonder if I... Ah? Ahhhhhh? Uh huhhh~"

He'd begun to brush more of his fingers over the ticklish spots, a grin creeping onto his face as he kept them wiggling agonizingly slowly. A small yelp leapt from your throat in response to the ice cold sensation of the rings making your nerves jump and causing goosebumps to form.

Eddie chuckled mischievously, the sound of which had your ears tingling and growing hot. "Dohohon't laugh! Thehe r-rihings a-are f-fREHEEZING! Mhmph!"

"You can't hold in all of your giggles forever, you darling mortal. Oh~? Another squeak? You do realize, I've only just begun, yes? This overlord has a loooooot of mana to recharge~"

Just as you opened your mouth to retort Eddie's cheesy theatrics, the ticklish sensation grew fivefold.

"EheheheHEHEHEDDIEEHEEE!" A snort soon followed your loud cackle of laughter in response to Eddie spidering all of his fingers on the bare skin of your sides. Your shoulders pressed into the ground as your back arched, and you twisted your torso. "OHOHOH MYHYHY GAHAHAAWWWWD! *snort* SHIHIHIHIIIT! IHIHIHIT'S *hic* SOHO MUHUCH WOHOHORRRRRRRSE!"

"I'm afraid Eddie can't hear you, you giggly little mortal. Must I remind you, that he's been possessed by me~ And, the more you wiggle like a rabid earthworm, the worse it's gonna tickle~ Which is no issue for me, considering my magic replenishes eiiiiither wayyy~" How Eddie was taking his character so seriously, you had no clue. What you did know, is that your cheeks and ears were hotter than a flame, and your stomach had become a butterfly garden.

He snickered, watching fondly at how rapid your happy stimming had become. It was evident that you were trying your hardest not to clamp your arms down to your sides, as your arms twitched when Eddie moved to a particularly bad spot. "It seems that the ticklish mortal cannot withstand even a fraction of my attacks~ However, my spell doesn't appear to be strong enough to keep your hands piHIHINNED- HOHOLY SHIHIT! I was soho right~"

You'd let out a loud squeal and kicked your legs, unable to stop your hands from shooting down to instinctively hold onto Eddie's wrists as his thumbs dug into your hips. He watched you carefully, noting that you weren't actually trying to push his hands away, but you had tightened your grasp to bear with the sensation.

"NohoHOHOOOOAHAHAAAAA! *hic* STAHAAAAP!"

Eddie stopped instantly, though he grew briefly confused by the near sad expression that graced your face. Christ, you were adorable, and he couldn't stop thinking about that fact. "You okay...?"

"I-I... I d-didn't actually mean..." You were growing embarrassed by your own words, and you partially covered your face with your hand. "I-It... U-Um... Reflex... F-Force of habit... I... S-Sorry..."

Much to your surprise, Eddie gently moved your hand away, and back down, holding onto it a little longer before he let go just so he could see you stim by running your thumb over his rings again. "Y-You... uh... want me to keep going?" When you nodded, he began to smile.

"I-I'll... f-figure out h-how to... tell you when I-I really c-can't laugh anymore..." Your avoidance of simply saying 'When it tickles too much' did not go unnoticed by your now-smiling new friend, whom you gazed at nervously as you waited for him to say something.

A screech left your mouth when Eddie's thumbs suddenly began digging into your hips again, cackling obnoxiously and making you scream a second time, giggles spiking in pitch and intensity. "PFFFHEEEEEEEEEEE! SHIHIHIT SHIHIHIT SHIHIIIIIIIIT!"

"As per your request, my darling giggly hero, though I may be an evil overlord, in the interest of ensuring you don't laugh yourself to death, I'll give you a lifeline~" Eddie paused his hands, but kept them on your hips, and though unmoving, you still felt the sensations and couldn't keep from squirming. "If you want to save your friend, Eddie, from my possession spell, and free yourself from my clutches, all you have to do, is say 'tickler, be gone!'"

"W-Whahahat!?"

Eddie hummed before his fingers moved to hover above your belly, where your shirt had ridden up from all the moving. "Three little words~ I know you can do it~ It doesn't have to be now by any means, however." He lifted his pinkie finger, before setting it down and lifting the next, smirking at the way your torso twitched each time he drummed his fingers over your skin.

Once you had looked up at him again, he winked at you, before rapidly clawing at your belly and grinning over how much you were suddenly happy stimming with your body.

"NOHOHOHOT *snort* FAHAHAHAHAIR! NONONONOHOOOO!" You began taking sharp gasps of air between your laughter, hiccuping and squeaking with utter mirth. It took nearly a minute to calm down when Eddie eased up to let you breathe.

The stray hiccupy giggles that came out with after each inhale were an utterly darling sound to Eddie's ears. "I think it's time I give your poor sides and tummy a bit of a break~ I've still got quite a lot of mana to recover. Though, lucky for you, that stray symphony of mirth that continues on even when I'm not actively tickling you, can still be fed on~"

Eddie's eyes softened at the giggly whimper that his statement drew from you. Your hands were hyper with giddiness, a stark contrast to your body, which had become relatively still (save for the rising and falling of your belly) in the leaves and grass as you awaited Eddie's playful attack again. You twitched and squeaked every few seconds when the grass brushed your sides.

"Perhaps I should tell you a little bit about myself, you giggly mortal~ Would you care to hear a little tale about the Evil Overlord of Tickling?" He teasingly wiggled his fingers in the air to add dramatic flair to his words. Despite your initial squeak, you shyly inquired.

"Whahahat ahabout hihim?"

"For many millennia, long before you and my current vessel even existed, the Overlord has been a very misunderstood creature. He's watched, as the fables, the bedtime stories, twist and morph to make him sound meaner, and scarier." You saw the corners of Eddie's mouth falling downward despite his attempts to fight it. He stared at the ground, clasping his hands as he rested his elbows atop his knees. "He began to internalize it... he stopped disputing the rumors and judgement that came hand in hand with it. He saw himself, as an outcast... a freak... a monster..."

Your brows were knit as your mind began to read between the lines. "W-Wait..."

"...but what they didn't see, was the broken soul... not understanding why he was shunned by everyone else... They didn't see him fighting hard to make sure he didn't end up like his father... Didn't see him trying to prove himself, to everyone... by not giving up, when he didn't graduate the first time..."

"Eddie..."

"They also never saw, that his desire to bring mirth and merriment to those around him, came from a place of not knowing how he could have either of those things, for many years of his early life..." Eddie cleared his throat and wiped his eyes, taking a breath as he willed himself to say what he wished to. "And the one thing, he wouldn't let them, nor anyone else see, was that the moment his eyes landed upon the ethereal... mysterious, wallflower... sitting at his table in his freshman year English class, the Overlord felt his heart fluttering. And that flutter, lasted for days... weeks even... months..."

You began to sit up, palms planted firmly in the grass, eyes wide, as you'd fully realized what Eddie was truly trying to tell you. "Eddie...?" He glanced at you, and you jumped, but you outstretched your arm, and timorously offered him your hand.

Eddie took a deep breath and chuckled when you began stimming with his rings once more, even using his silver chain bracelet every so often. "When the Overlord reunited with that wallflower, a few years later, and finally got to talk to them, well... he realized, that the fluttering had never stopped."

You were too nervous to speak, so you gave his hand a quick squeeze with the most mild strength.

"The Overlord just wants his new friend to know, that their value, and their worth, should not ever be determined by their shortcomings. No matter how many times people may have told them, or how many times they may have told themself..."

"What if... what if it takes forever for the wallflower to believe that...?"

Eddie gave a soft smile and raised his brows before smirking at you cheekily. "I suppose that in the meantime, the Overlord will just have to make you giggle your troubles away~"

Your eyelids quickly lifted at those words, and you let out a loud squeal when he suddenly growled and wrapped his arms around your shins. "EHEHEDDIE! EDDIHIHIE! DOHOHON'T YOU DAHAHAHARE! EEEEE!" With a low stubborn grunt, you tried tugging one of your legs free and succeeded, but, it had been at the cost of one of your shoes, which Eddie tossed out of reach, leaving you with only a shin-high sock to protect from the playful attack.

"How many times must I tell you, mortal? 'Eddie' is currently occupied by an ancient tickling creature- GOTCHA!" He exclaimed, catching your ankle and locking it in his elbow with a triumphant guffaw. "WOAH! You kick me and that second shoe is coming off. IhI'm warning you~"

"Whyhyhyhyhyyy!" You half-heartedly tugged at your trapped ankle, one hand already happy stimming from the anticipation.

"Well, I was gonna go for your knees, but, uh... well, I'm not the one who yanked my own shoe off. Is it that bad a spot~?"

"IhI dohohon't kn-knohow!?" How convenient it was that seconds later, you did find out just how bad a spot it was. Eddie trailed one finger up your sock, eyes going wide when you let out a scream and snorted, slowly sinking back into the grass while your abdomen shook with hysterical giggles.

"So it appears the answer to that question was yes~ If one little trace along your foot through fabric is this bad? Well. That's just more laughter for me~"

"NononononoNONONOHOHO! OHOHOH MYHY GAHAHAWWWWDAHAHAHAAA!" It took mere seconds for you to be reduced to silent laughter when Eddie spidered all of his fingers along the bottom of your foot. You stomped your free foot on the ground, happy stimming in overdrive and hiccuping from your mirth. "EHEHEDDIE! *hic* IHIHI *hic* CAHAHAHAHAN'T!"

"Remember the spell if you need it, adventurer~" Eddie's sweet reminder had your face growing hot. "I must say though, I'd be quite content with tickling you to bits for the remainder of the day~"

"IhIhIt's sohohoho bahaHAHAaAaAD! IHIHIT'S SO BAHAHAHAD! IhIhIt TIHIHIHICKLES! AHAAAAAAA!" You let out a scream when he traced his fingers over the top of your foot.

"HOLY- Wohohoah~ Really~? It tickles~? I'm baaaarely spidering my fingers~ Are you sure it tickles, you adorable mortal~?"

You had been far too giggly to notice that Eddie'd released your ankle, only to turn himself toward you and lock your legs with his in record time. "H-Hehey- Wahahait- wahaHAHAaAaAIT! Nohohot thehehere- EHEDDIE!"

"Evil. Overlord. Of Tickling." Eddie made sure you could see he wasn't truly mad despite his grit teeth. "You're in trouble, my adventurous wallflower~"

He spider-crawled his fingers up your legs at an agonizingly slow pace, making your hands flap rapidly as you giggled nervously. Your legs were covered in goosebumps and they twitched from the ticklish trailing. The moment his nails brushed against the skin on your thighs, right above the inner sides of your knees, your stomach turned with butterflies and your squeak echoed.

"Oh? Hmmm? UH HUHHHHH~!" Eddie chuckled darkly before grinning impishly over your reaction to the tickling. Your laughter was the most intense he'd ever heard, and for a split second, he was worried you might run out of air.

"OKAHAHAHAY!" You cried after a few seconds. "SHIHIHIHIT! *hic* OKAYOKAY! *snort* TIHIHICKLER BE GOHOHONNNNE!"

In an instant, like he promised he would, Eddie ceased the playful torment, withdrawing his hands and freeing your legs from his. He clutched his chest dramatically, rolling back his eyes before falling to the grass beside you, making a silly croaking noise that caused you to giggle all over again. Upon "waking up," Eddie grinned.

"Phew!" He wiped the nonexistent sweat from his forehead. "You banished him... But, considering you're giggling like mad and missing a shoe, it appears the Overlord replenished all of his mana by tickling you to tears before you could recite the spell, right~?"

You hadn't even noticed your tears of mirth, but hastily wiped them with your sleeve. When your eyes met Eddie's, you couldn't stop yourself from giggling even harder. He laughed softly, before offering his hand to help you sit up.

"I-IhI got it... Th-Thank you though, Eddie..." Eddie didn't take any offense, as you'd made him aware that you could get touch averse sometimes, and he was more than understanding that all the tickling must have been a lot to deal with.

"How are you feeling...? Honestly?"

"Gihiggly... but... behehetter than I've felt in years..." Your admission was genuine, and out of the corner of your eye, you saw Eddie beaming at you. "Thank you... IhI mean that... Thank you, Eddie..."

"Of course, Y/N. I gotta say, it's awful cute that you like tickles too."

"T-Too? Wait- You..."

"Yes. I'm well versed in the art~" Eddie said with a dramatic voice that emphasized how much of a nerd he was. "Got this whole 'Munson Doctrine of Tickling.' Kihidding. I dohon't have it. Not on paper at least~"

You hid your face in your hands momentarily and playfully swatted Eddie's leg. After a few minutes, as the two of you settled down, you found yourselves leaning on each other, the sky orange as the sunset was fast approaching, air feeling a little colder than it did half an hour earlier.

"Eddie..."

"Hm?"

"I-I'm sorry I didn't say this before, but..." you took a breath, and bounced your leg to recollect your thoughts, "...thank you, for opening up about yourself... You didn't have to... I'm- I'm glad you did, don't get me wrong, it's just that- well... I appreciate your vulnerability. And, I want you to know, that you've brought me a lot of joy in the one day I've spent with you so far... so, I know that the joy you bring everyday to people who know you the best, is too great a number to count. I-I want to help in some way, with anything, because I'm really thankful for you, so... if you did still need a tutor, I could... I mean... What I'm trying to say is... you're wonderful, and you deserve wonderful things... You're not a freak, Eddie, and I wish more people truly knew you..."

Your heart was racing, as you were fearful your words didn't come out right, but when you found the courage to look up at him, his large, brown eyes were softer than you'd ever seen them before. "I will absolutely take you up on that tutoring offer."

"R-Really?"

"Can we count it as a study date~?"

Your brows furrowed momentarily, and Eddie had to resist the urge to poke your nose. "Study- Wait... Do you like me...? I-I... I think I understood when you were telling the story, but... I don't want to have misread your tone..."

"Yeah... I... I do like you. I could see you, Y/N. I did, see you. I just, didn't want you to be frightened, by me-seeing-you. You, uh... looked a bit like a deer in the headlights whenever our eyes mehet in school." Eddie chuckled quietly, before leaning close to you. "You sure you weren't afraid of me~?"

"I wasn't afraid! I- Hey! Y-You're teasing..."

"IhI am. But not about liking you. So..." He bit his lip, and looked toward the setting sun. "Is there any specific time your family's expecting you back home by?"

"I-IhI, uh, never told them a time..."

"Do you... uh... wanna make the rest of this day a first date... maybe?" You could hear nervousness in his voice, and it left you momentarily flabbergasted. If the orange glow of the sunset had not been so strong, you would have seen the red adorning his cheeks.

Your heart was racing, body overtaken by the urge to happy stim, and you welcomed it with a nod of your head and a simper on your lips. Though you had a long way to go before the burden of failure would be lifted from your shoulders, for the rest of that day, your shame was nowhere to be found.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

EEEEEEEEEE 😖💕 FIRST FULL LENGTH EDDIE FIC ON THE BLOG 🥳 I hope this was worth the wait. I'm back in business and the Eddie Munson content train is a rollin' 🥰 (This fic- was so FLUSTERING TO WRITE AGSHHDJFJFJF)

I sincerely hope that this made y'all feel some joy today. You deserve joy, and you deserve to feel proud of yourself. I'm proud of you /gen /p

Love you all!

~ Ushu 🤍

#eddie munson x reader #nd!reader #autistic!reader #adhd!reader #ler!eddie munson #ler!eddie #lee!reader #ticklish!reader #sfw tickle fic #eddie munson fluff #I really can't stop writing angst to fluff-#wow 💀#neurodivergent tickle fic

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