#every now and then I write little bits with those characters but rarely does it turn into anything coherent

[nyehilismwriting]

Hey, I was just wondering what’s going on with your sentinal if? Ik you’re working on other projects rn, and this totally isn’t intended to pressure you or demand anything but I remembered the demo the other day and came back to replay it, and it’s sooooo good, so I was just wondering what the plan is with it going forward?

ouhh thank you!! I'm glad people are still enjoying her...she's in a limbo state rn, I'd love to work on her again but it is...unlikely, if I'm being honest. if I ever do go back it'll likely undergo major changes to the point where it's not really the same game, and I don't want to get anyone's hopes up about that happening.

[thestarfishinjootsoffice]

Clinically Jealous

Your two lovers have a slight problem ♪°

Yandere-ish jotaro x reader x yandere-ish kakyoin

Warnings: mentions of very light threat and violence. Slight yandere behavior? Very Cringe old writing, out of character. Very cringe.

Relationship: romantic.

This has been rotting in my notesapp for a good while now.

"What is wrong with you!?" You shout.

Smack!

"You... You merciless beast! I will take revenge on you!" You dramatically cry out as you pick up the pillow Kakyoin had thrown at your face.

"Ho? Let's see you try." Kakyoin says with a smirk as he picks up two pillows that were behind him.

"Come at me as much as you'd like!-"

Smack!

The next few moments were filled with squealing and laughter as you both throw pillows at each other. Running around the bed you were sure you both could've broken it but you two were having too much fun to care.

The door opens with a grunt following a small 'good grief' could be heard. You and Kakyoin both stop and look at Jotaro who pulled his hat down as he closed the door behind him.

"Wanna join?" Your question was met with an immediate "no."

Kakyoin grins and throws a pillow directly at Jotaro's face, but Jotaro caught the pillow before it could land on him but he couldn't dodge the one that was sent by you immediately after Kakyoin's. In his defense, how could he? When he's so relaxed and off guard around two of one of the most important people in his life? He doesn't need the feel to be cautious of anything. At least not now...

Kakyoin couldn't be any more happier. This feeling of contentment was something he so desperately searched for, with you and Jotaro filling the hole in his heart. He would never, ever, let any of you two go. The moment the anguishing ache of loneliness settles in again is the moment he'll lose his mind.

A proud laugh escaped your mouth followed by kakyoin's chuckling. Jotaro grunted with an unamused expression but let out a small smile as he picked up the pillow you had thrown at him, his hat blocking his face as he bent over to do so. He walked towards you both, a pillow in both his hands with a slight smug look that said he was going to indulge in the pillow fight for a bit. But he wasn't going to hold back...

Out of panic both you and kakyoin started fighting against Jotaro for the sake of both your lives now.

~ ~ ~

You sighed as you sat down between the two men on the bed. Jotaro on your right side and Kakyoin on your left, being sandwiched between two men was quite... The golden experience. Especially if those two men rarely ever showed their bare physique. Kakyoin was in a whole ass pajama but it was relatively thinner than his uniform frabic so you could see more of the outline and curves of his body a bit more clearly. And jotaro was in a damn tank top (plus he finally put down his hat). Almost not being able to take your eyes off of his bare arms, especially since it wasn't everyday you'd get to see someone as buff and chiseled as him this close. Focusing on every vein that bulged out of the back of his hands and forear- you should sleep. You swore you could've almost heard them holding in their laughs.

Of course, you three wouldn't forget the small ritual you would all do when all three of you were in a bed together. You giving them good night kisses that would sometimes be a little too passionate that would sometimes turn into full blown make out sessions that would probably last half an hour- but it never escalated anything above that. Besides it does a great job making you all fall asleep a little faster.

Intertwining your fingers with Kakyoins, he always wanted to be in contact with you one way or another. And while Jotaro insists he doesn't need it, he doesn't try to stop or pull away from you once as you wrap your hand around his. Indulging in Kakyoin's physical wants and needs doesn't stop him from "accidentally" Brushing or placing his hand on certain parts of your body though. (He'll stop if you express your discomfort and will apologize like a million times.)

As you close your eyes, feeling relaxed and comforted by the darkness and the warmth of your two lovers. A small frown attended Kakyoin's face as he exchanged a quick knowing glance at Jotaro who nodded slightly.

"Reader..." Kakyoin called out.

You opened your eyes and let out a hum. Almost simultaneously both Kakyoin and Jotaro got closer to you, inching their bodies towards yours as kakyoin gripped tighter on your hand and Jotaro wrapped his arm right under your chest at your ribcage as he held on firmly onto your left arm as to keep you in place.

"Me and Jotaro have been wanting to discuss about something.. To you." Kakyoin said in a soft voice although there was a bitter undertone in it.

"It's about that friend of yours." A deeper voice you knew as your boyfriend and the person on your left said. Jotaro's voice becoming slightly harsher and cold at the emphasis 'friend'.

All the comfort and relaxation in your body had been thrown out the window, feeling extremely uncomfortable and confused as your heart now pounded against your chest heavily. As if they sensed the fear in you, Kakyoin cut you off as soon as you opened your mouth to say something.

"We won't hurt you or anything, cherry." He says in a soothing tone that would've comforted you if it weren't for the situation you were in right now as he softly caresses your cheeks with his fingers. "Swear we won't lay a bad finger on you.." His voice hushed as he tried to 'reassure' you. It didn't make you feel any better in the slightest, really.

"You know that, Right?" Jotaro asked in an almost threatening tone as his fingers gripped on the side of your face, squishing your cheeks ever so slightly. You quickly nodded.

"Good." With that he let go. Your fear definitely did not subside.

"Now we got that out of the way, I think you should stop seeing them... For a while until or unless they fix their behavior around you. Or... You can let us take care of it." Kakyoin says. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion but then the realisation of what they were talking about hit you.

Of course that one friend who always seemed to laugh a little harder around you. Kakyoin suppressing showing any expression of annoyance but sending occasional glares whenever your back was turned. Even an idiot could tell Jotaro was annoyed and irked just by glancing at his face once.

That one friend who seemed to always brush their hands or arms against yours. Or hugged you a second or two longer than they should've. A clear frown on Kakyoin's face as he clenched his fist while watching the scene. Jotaro's eyes devoid of any indication of being okay with the interaction. For a man of a few words, he was sure good at speaking (anger) through his eyes.

That one friend who always seemed to want to hang with you way too much. Almost every day. Jotaro and Kakyoin pretending it doesn't piss them the hell off when almost everytime you guys are together and you keep getting texts from your friend just for the sake of not wanting to make it apparent they're jealous and irritated. But lately it's been getting harder.

That one friend who seemed to compliment you way too much, way too happy and eager to be around you. There was no mistaking it set both of your lovers off. Upset with the whole relationship dynamic with this 'friend'. Let's be honest here, are you sure they see you as just a friend? If you knew then... You would tell your friend off, right? You would consult Kakyoin and Jotaro about it, right? You wouldn't keep or hide anything away from them... Right?

"They're too damn touchy with you." Jotaro's voice snaps you out of your train of thoughts. "It's annoying as hell." He added, his voice deepening as he did so.

"I... I'm sure they didn't mean anything by it! They're just touchy like that! I'll tell them to stop" You reply and hope they'd be a little more understanding... Although it shows that it doesn't actually help in the slighest.

"See now, it doesn't matter if they're naturally touchy or they didn't mean anything by it." Jotaro's face gets a little closer to yours.

"We fuckin' hate it. And we want it to stop." His voice getting deeper as he continues speaking.

"You wouldn't like it if we let another girl keep touching us, right?" After a few seconds you slowly nodded. I guess it was reasonable enough...

"Good, we knew you'd understand." You feel Jotaro's hand softly caress your hair. "You'd always listen to us because we're your boyfriends and we want the best for you. Don't forget that, there are people out there to harm you and it would kill us if we let them hurt you. Please understand." Kakyoin pleaded softly, something about his tone... It felt so... Odd...

Your hands gripped on the bedsheets to try to calm your nerves down. You controlled your breathing and you felt the panic in you slowly die down. You closed your eyes, hoping this was all a horrible sick dream that you don't ever wanna experience again....

.....

You open your eyes to see the bright orange sunlight flooding in the room, you turn your head slightly. Kakyoin on your left and Jotaro on your right, their faces as innocent as ever... You sigh softly, what a nightmare. You sat up carefully and went over to the edge of the bed, your feet made contact with the ground and you were about to get up.

"Reader?" Startled, you looked back, this unfamiliar gut wrenching feeling in your stomach forming itself deep in your gut when you saw your lovers awake. Almost as if they weren't really asleep the entire time.

"Where are you going?"

"The- the bathroom..."

"..." An eerie silence filled the room for a second.

"Reader?"

"Hm...?"

"This better not change anything between us, alright?" You felt the churning in your stomach manifold and you grip the edge of the bed when you felt like needles were prickling the inside of your throat and your eyes starting to burn. It wasn't a dream. Dammit...

[mncxbe]

Can i request something along the lines of "God look at you, how pathetic. I don't care that it hurts, your one job is to be my playtoy and yet you're not even good at that. I know you're just a dumb mutt but I can tell that you want to please me. Now be the good little whore I know you are and make yourself cum for me." Something like this if thats fine it can be any character you’d like from BSD if you cant do this its completely fine!!

sorry it took so long but yes sure I did my best to write it but it sweetened it a bit. I honestly felt that Fyodor would be best for this so I hope you like it♡ Also not me always having to explain why they're fucking // gentle reminder that I'm still taking requests so send them in

11 p.m

𝑭𝒚𝒐𝒅𝒐𝒓 𝒙 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: smut♡/fluff

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: degradation/ overstim.

Fyodor didn't usually get jealous; and even on those rare occasions he managed to maintain his cool demeanor. He knew you possessed the type of beauty that everyone was drawn to, regardless of their gender. That's what made him feel drawn to you in the first place. He didn't fall for your charms tho, but for your keen intelligence, wits and sense of loyalty.

Every time a man would flirt with you he would watch you turn him down with a smile on your face, waving him off like he was a mere insect. In other words, your boyfriend trusted you and never doubted your devotion.

That was until he spotted you whispering in a corner with Dazai. You were at a party held by one of the town's officials; a man who wanted to join Fyodor's cause. While they were discussing business in a separate room you were left alone with the other guests. You were quite surprised to see your boyfriend's biggest enemy there, quietly sipping champagne from his tall glass.

You walked up to him and struck up a casual conversation.

"Tell me, miss. What's Fyodor's girl doing here all by herself?" he eventually questioned with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I see you know who I am. Well, I just wanted to go out tonight, nothing more"

"So your boyfriend isn't plotting anything with the officials?"

Your lips curled into a grin as you finally understood what formidable a opponent Dazai was, why Fyodor was so worked up about him.

"Not at all" you replied meekly as Dazai leaned in to whisper in your ear.

"Then I'm sure you wouldn't mind dancing with me. Since you're all alone"

At that moment you felt Fyodor's arm snake around your waist.

"Hello, dearest. Sorry I made you wait"

He spared Dazai a quick, spiteful glance before pulling you away, guiding you towards the grand doors. The brunette only chuckled, mumbling something you couldn't hear.

When you got out of the building the car was already waiting for you and you quickly got inside; the wheels squealing on the pavement as you drove off.

"How was it? Did you strike a deal?" you asked your partner, but he didn't reply. You then tried to touch his hand and once again he brushed you off.

The ride home was awfully silent; but as soon as the door of your bedroom was closed, your boyfriend spoke in a low voice.

"I see you enjoyed yourself tonight. How did you find Dazai, quite charmind isn't he?" His voice was laced with anger and you noticed it.

"Not at all" you replied carefully "I mean, he's intelligent but I wouldn't say charming"

"Interesting. You seemed to enjoy talking to him; had those big doe eyes, always fawning over him"

"That's not it, Fyodor I~"

You were cut short by his hand, which wrapped around your neck in a swift motion. His lips crashed against yours as he pushed you until the back of your thighs hit the bed frame. You toppled backwards and fell onto the soft mattress with Fyodor on top of you.

His teeth grazed the soft skin of your neck. "I'm quite disappointed in you, doll. Didn't expect you to behave like that." His voice sent shivers down your spine, your back slightly arching under his touch "Seems like I need to teach you a lesson"

Fyodor suddenly spun you over so that your chest was facing down and lifted your hips while unbucking his belt. His calloused hands slid to your hips as he pulled up your dress, exposing your drenched lingerie.

He let out a chuckle before pushing himself into you. You whined, your legs wobble from the burning sensation.

"Fedya please wait I'm~"

"Yes you're quite wet I can see that" he said as he began moving, earning another moan from you. He set a fast pace, making your whole body shake with pleasure; you loved it when he was rough on you.

Surprisingly enough he let you cum when you felt like it. You fell onto the mattress and laid on your back, heaving.

Your partner's eyes wandered along your figure.

"Take off that dress. I'm not done with you yet" he ordered in a harsh tone.

And you obeyed, undressing yourself and before you knew it you were back underneath him, legs wide apart as he thrust into you. "Look at you, such a mess for me" he spoke again, his violet eyes locked with yours. You could only mumble a 'yes' and roll back your eyes as he pushed you through your second orgasm.

Then the third.

Now he had you on top of him; his fingers buried deep into the flesh of your hips, guiding your movements. After climaxing so many times you were starting to get dry.

"Fedya 's too much. C..Can't anymore it hurts" you mumbled under your breath.

"I don't care if it hurts, your only job is to be my playtoy and you can barely manage that. I can tell that you want to please me though so be the good little girl I know you are and make yourself cum for me."

The tears that were forming at the corners of your eyes started cascading down your cheeks when your heard his cruel words. You nevertheless picked up your pace, grinding on him. "That's it. See, wasn't so hard" He started rubbing circles on your clit, causing you to clench around him.

You reached your high soon after; your thighs squeezed his narrow waist as you leaned forward, laying on your partner's chest with your eyes closed; your tears of pleasure wet his pale skin.

When Fyodor gently pushed you off him you tensed. "Please no more I can't take more" you whined but he only brushed off your tears, caressing your cheek with his hand.

You eventually slowly opened your eyes, daring to look ag your partner. His gaze was a lot softer now, any trace of annoyance or anger having dissipated.

"Are you alright, my dearest? I'm sorry if I went too far" he inquired worriedly.

"Yes, I'm okay. Just a bit sore"

After a few minutes of silence spent calming your heartbeat you spoke again.

"Are you still mad at me for talking to Dazai?"

Fyodor huffed and lay next to you, pulling your body closer to his. "I'm not, my dearest. I just don't want to have to compete with that man for your heart."

You chuckled lightly and nestled in his embrace. Your head came to rest on his chest; arms locked tightly around his torso.

"I could never love anyone but you, Fedya"

"I sure hope so" he eventully replied, but you were already fast asleep.

Fyodor let himself drift into the reals of dreams, your steady breath lulling him to sleep.

[lamemaster]

The Monster Who Ate Words

Request: Hello (*^^*) Can i please request an Arranged Marriage AU story for Maedhors x Vanyar Reader? Let's say reader is a bit intimidated by Maedhors ( who has not shown much interest in her ). And Maedhors doesn't want to scare her so he keeps his distance.

Pairing: Maedhros x Reader

Genre: Arranged marriage au

Summary: Nelyafinwe was good. Good enough in your books. Good looking from the times you had met in childhood, a great politician if rumors from Tirion were to be believed, and tall enough to expect respectably tall elflings in the future. 

AN: Thanks for requesting! I hope you like this :3 I really enjoyed writing this. Unedited for now don't kill me pls I have 3 little fish to feed.

“He hasn’t bothered to show face even once!” You scowl adjusting the errant pendant. “So why should I be the one to write to him?” You turn to your father, who by now has folded into himself like a petulant sunflower at sunset. 

“He is a prince!” Your mother roars undeterred. “He probably does more than just writing children’s fables in his free time, daughter mine.” To this your father protests silently to your mother. Only to flail helplessly.

Such has been the case for your parents. Your father- the distressed damsel and your mother- a fire-breathing drake. 

And you were nothing if not her rage personified. Which was wildly out of place in most Vanya settings. Some astray friends of yours had even jested in passing about you taking after your father-in-law, Crown Prince Feanaro more than his eldest. 

An arranged marriage to Nelyafinwe hadn’t been the most unexpected. Born to Ingwe’s brother, you expected such. Given that you rarely held the passion and patience for sweet nothings for a romance of your choosing.

Nelyafinwe was good. Good enough in your books. Good looking from the times you had met in childhood, a great politician if rumors from Tirion were to be believed, and tall enough to expect respectably tall elflings in the future. 

Additionally, much to your ire and your friend group’s joy, if a certain Telerin minstrel was to be believed then, the son of Feanaro possessed worthy assets. A fact that you swore did not bother you to anyone who dared to bring up the topic. 

Your betrothal to him had been set up 2 loar ago. An agreement was established through embellished scrolls and a piece of jewel exchanged by each side. That jewel now the emerald that had been forged into the pendant that hung from your neck for the past 2 loar. 

Binding you to the Feanorian with the dignity less than that of a stabled mare. 

Love, you did not expect. But such coldness had hurt. Absence of even a single acknowledgement had hurt. This your mother knew well. Better than your soft-hearted father could ever understand. For even rocks nestled in the depths of Earth crack under the pressure of an unyielding hammer. 

“My letter or the absence of it will make little difference.” You whisper and what follows is your mother’s uncanny silence. 

You have written to him. For two loar, you have written. Every week at the beginning of your betrothal, letters about Vanyamar, about your favored writings, or scents and silks that you would like for your wedding. 

Those soon dwindled to monthly updates with perfunctory greetings and everyday happenings. Sometimes about stories that you wrote for the children in court. Or about elflings born to your siblings. 

No matter what you wrote, Nelyafinwe never once did reply. As if your letters by some sorcery never slipped past the borders of Vanyamar. 

The last one had been short. A last-ditch effort on your end. A simple request. To meet at the Feast of Trees. That is all you had wanted of your betrothed. And he had failed. 

Out of all of Finwe’s line, Nelyafinwe had been the one to not show his face. A fact that you bitterly swallowed with a forced smile and cheerfully chatted with your future in-laws.

At least Nerdanel and Feanaro seemed to possess basic decency of character to bear the Vanya thrust their way.

Nelyafinwe despised it. The lingering scent of a promise that his betrothal held. Unfailingly binding compromise. 

A business matter to be ended over correspondence. He hadn’t given it much thought. His resentment did not allow it. 

The piece of amethyst that arrived with the letter had been handed off to Curvo and his father, who within a week produced a hairpin that ended up somewhere in the mess of Nelyafinwe’s room or the drawers of his study on most days. Gathering dust away from his gaze. Next to the letters. 

He had desired a choice. Unlike the horde of brothers and cousins that fate had thrusted into his life, Nelyafinwe had desired love.

But that too had been stripped away from his hands when his grandfather in a matter of a single day roped his father, who on most days detested Vanyar to arrange a wedding with one for his eldest son. 

It started as a silent protest that soon became a habit. The letters from Vanyamar were thrusted into the farthest drawer where the light of the trees barely ever lingered. 

Why could you not understand his signs? Was it not clear that he did not desire such a connection? He did not want your words or get to know you. He did not want it because depriving himself was the only way of showing his father what this had done to him. 

For once, he did not wish to be agreeable, gentle Nelyo everyone had made him into. This was his rebellion.

Some part of him had protested such cruelty towards you. What fault was it yours that elders desired a marriage of convenience? How fair was it for you to be the scapegoat of his ire? But those voices remained quiet.

So it came as a surprise when one day, your words found him despite all he tried to run away from them. 

Crouching next to Ambarussar, who sat surrounded by the hurricane of their mess of toys and all the possible possessions, Nelyafinwe saw tiny books. Handwritten illustrated books that the twins read aloud as Kano snored next to them, sprawled on a chaise. 

“What are you reading?” Maitimo sat next to them, only for the twins to ignore their usual protocol of climbing all over him. Amras sighed, barely glancing up at his elder brother “The Monster Who Ate Words.” He replied, his eyes glued to the book.

The pages of the book, inked it a clean hand, next to the drawing of a long red serpent with blazing eyes caught Maedhros’s interest. “Sister-in-law wrote these,” Amrod looked up at Nelyo, thrusting the book in his hands. “She designed the serpent after you!” The twins giggled now sharing a book as Maitimo flipped through the pages.

A childish tale indeed. The story went- on a long lonely island lived a raging serpent with red mane and glimmering silver eyes. The serpent terrorized the island with his loud roars and ability to devour words. This left the world empty and elflings bereft of any tales or lullabies. 

The ridiculous tale further developed into a group of outcast elflings gathering the words hidden in their textbooks to fight the serpent that detested sums and numbers. 

Nelyafinwe scoffed finishing the book. He was perfectly capable of summing, and no, he did not hate numbers or mathematical calculations. 

It took a moment for him to spot the empty room. Ambarussar had fled to Eru knows where and Kano had left the room unnoticed by Nelyafinwe. Rays of Laurelin had dimmed casting a mellow light in the room. 

Suddenly Maitimo wanted to go far away from the cluttered room. He wished to get on his mare and wander until his mind calmed down. Until his heart rate evened out. He despised this restlessness. 

For his heart could not remember the last time he had held your letter. The last time he had the chance to thrust it into the drawer. He could not remember. 

He had failed to notice it. This settled like dread in his gut. That something had changed. Somehow, from a stranger he had become the monster in your stories. 

Nelyafinwe does not run away. He knows he cannot do that, no matter how much his heart craves for freedom from such obligations. He is the eldest-born Feanorian. Named after the high king of Noldor. 

So seated in the silent dark of his study he opens the drawer full of the same writing as his brother's books.

Picking up the Amethyst hairpin heavy in his palm, he pulls his hair back and uses his betrothal gift after 2 loar. It holds his hair with the comfort he is familiar with. His father’s work never fail their purpose. But this one in specific is achingly familiar as it settles into his hair. 

With a distant curiosity, he wonders what gem of his claim rests on your being. He cannot remember the conversations 2 loar ago. He had merely agreed to the first suggestion by Indis and his mother. 

One by one he reads through your letters. Words leave him heavy with guilt. His throat- scratchy with the fullness of his heart and eyes. 

He is one wretched betrothed. Worthy of all the villainy in your books.

He reads from the first letters of ill concealed excitement of introductions. Of likes and dislikes, ideas of works in progress, to rare fleeting letters about weather and courtly affairs. 

In a matter of hours, he goes through the process of getting to know you and losing you. But he does not stop reading. He does not deserve the respite of that ignorance. 

And so he picks up the quill and begins his labor. For days he sits in his study replying to the letters. His likes, dislikes, hobbies, courtly affairs, and a short review of The Monster Who Ate Words. 

To quell the heartache of his own making. This in the least was of his own choice.

[azaharinflames]

I really thought I would be doing my post on Buck and Eddie's friendship before making this one (and I am still doing it eventually, because oh do I have opinions), but I've been seeing a lot of discourse on Eddie lately, so it motivated me to write this first.

Now, small disclaimer, I guess. Eddie is nowhere near my favorite character from the show, and from our 118 main crew, he ranks fifth on my podium (sorry for not counting Ravi here, only counting mains this time). I don't necessarily dislike him, I just feel mostly neutral about him. I do dislike his actions, and, admittedly, I do dislike how he was portrayed in some episodes in Season 7, but that's mostly regarding the buddie platonic friendship. So. No hate for Eddie. Don't love him, but don't hate him either.

And, look. One of my passions when watching a show is to analyse the fuck out of the characters, and I think Eddie is painted very clearly for us to admire. As much as the writers were at a loss on what to do with him for a long time, we can all backtrack his actions and see an explanation for them (not an excuse. But to explain them).

So. Eddie's actions.

I've seen a lot of discourse on these lately, including criticisms and opinions, and all are valid. Eddie is an incredibly flawed character, and one thing we have going on with him is that he rarely seeks change for himself. He doesn't necessarily want to grow out of those behaviors, and only does it when they reach a limit, or someone else calls him out on it. He's pushed to change, to correct his behaviors, and eventually, he does. Sometimes.

And I think Eddie's selfish actions and attitude directly result from his childhood. And I know we have somewhat little information on what it was, but we do know he had to act as the man in the house from a really young age because Ramón was always traveling. We know he's had a heavy weight on his shoulders since he was very small, and we know that weight only grew heavier once he had Christopher. He had to be a husband, a father, and a provider. We can debate if he did a good job or not, sure, but he did make an effort and a lot of sacrifices to do what he was supposed to do.

And then he gets home, and he struggles. And Shannon leaves. And his parents are pushy and a bit overbearing, and Eddie is kind of drowning. And then he moves to LA.

And it is at this point, and not before, that Eddie lets himself be selfish, in my opinion. He lets himself take from the people around him because, and this is important to note, the people around him are okay with him doing so. He's still a father, and now he's a widower. But things are different because he has a web of people who would do anything for him and Christopher, and he can sort of breathe. And perhaps it reaches a point where he's overdoing it a bit, where he does not realize he's taking too much, or not being fair. But he has not had this before, so how could he realize his actions are not necessarily right? Even more so when no one has ever told him of his wrongdoings?

I am the first to think the Buddie friendship is not 50-50. On a good day it may be 60-40, but not always. Yet, I also think Eddie is not a bad person, and that just like everyone else in the show, his actions are a result of his trauma and his childhood.

I do want the writers to have him finally find solid ground, to have an idea of who he is in the way that every single character other than him does. I do hope Season 8 can bring that to him.

Also, I am not even going to get into how he treats women, because I think that's been heavily debated, but to be clear: I think he's a terrible romantic partner and that every single one of his romantic partners deserved better. Even Shannon, and I am no fan of her.

Anyway. I hope this made sense. I'll still do a post on the Buddie friendship - too many thoughts on it not to.

[musicalmoritz]

A more positive take on fanon Aoinene

I’ve talked extensively about the problems with how Aoi and Nene are characterized by fans of the ship, and I’m not here to take it all back. However, upon reflecting, I realized I may have contributed a bit towards fandoms’ negative perception of femslash. That was never my goal, my point in all my Aoinene-critical posts is that femslash ships deserve to be treated with just as much nuance as slash ships. This includes criticizing them without needlessly bashing them. I’d say I’ve been successful in my journey to make the TBHK fandom take Aoinene more seriously, so today I’d like to celebrate that progress by talking about the things I love about Aoinene shippers!!

First off, Aoinene is among the top 10 most written for ships on TBHK ao3. It’s above multiple canon pairings like Aoi/Akane, Sakura/Natsuhiko, and Sumire/Hakubo. Whether you think it deserves to be above those ships or not, it makes me happy to see a femslash ship be so popular in a fandom. It’s still the only popular femslash ship in this fandom (as much as people talk abt Aoi/Mei, there’s still very little creations for it), but baby steps. Aoinene has so many fan fictions, edits, fan arts, fan accounts, etc. It’s rare for femslash pairings to be so popular in fandoms dominated by male characters. I think it helps that the women in TBHK are generally well-written and important, but I’d say the male characters still outnumber them slightly. So just seeing a fandom so invested in two women getting together is enough to make me smile

I know I’ve critiqued their characterization a lot, but I’ve seen some major progress lately!! Both with how they’re written, and with how the fandom talks about them. It’s not as often nowadays that I see people bashing the canon ships to put them down, and most of their fans seem to be capable of acknowledging their flaws. There are some exceptions ofc but I see Aoinene mischaracterization way less than when I first got into the fandom. I’ve seen an increase in people depicting them as “toxic/doomed yuri,” aka the term that lowkey saved sapphic ships in fandoms lol. Keep in mind that when TBHK first came out, femslash was not nearly as popular as it is now (and we’re only just beginning, there’s still a long way to go). It was common, and still is, for femslash ships in shonen fandoms to be depicted as the fluffy, unproblematic side pairing. Fans saw femslash as a way to take a breather from all the angsty men. Aoinene was turned into another boring ship among dozens, but they haven’t stayed that way. With femslash gaining popularity, I’ve seen improvement in how femslash ships are characterized all across the board

Onto the fics themselves, I have never read an Aoinene fic I disliked!! (Besides the weird ones I skimmed for shock value). The vast majority of them are super cute and written so prettily. When I talk about their mischaracterization, I’m pointing out trends I’ve noticed rather than the fics themselves. The reason you don’t see me talk this way about Teru/Akane and Mitsuba/Kou is because I simply don’t read that much slash fan fiction, even for mlm ships I like (not anymore at least, I used to be way more into slash). I’ve read through the ao3 tags for p much every TBHK femslash ship, but if I’m reading a fic that’s mlm or mlw it has to be suited to my tastes. I could definitely talk abt how Mitsuba and Kou are mischaracterized by the fandom but I don’t really bother with fics that write them that way so it’s not gonna nag me to the extent that Aoinene mischaracterization does.

I'm saying this because I don’t want it to seem like I’m targeting them unfairly compared to other ships, I point out room for improvement because Aoinene is my favorite and I want to see more diversity in the way they’re written. Hear that? Diversity, the problem isn’t the fics themselves, I just want to see more where they’re written in a way that explores their conflict. Fics like this already exist but they’re not as common. My gripe isn’t wanting to see less of a “bad” thing, it’s wanting to see more of a really good thing

And also…not everyone has to agree with me. There are some sapphics that just want to see completely fluffy wlw content, or that want to limit the angst to “it was one-sided :(“. And ykw? I may want to see more than that, but if other fans want to keep writing or reading them a certain way then that’s great. There are also shippers who wish Aoi and Nene had been written differently, and I agree. I wish their friendship was given more depth than the crumbs we get in canon, though I still hold out hope that AidaIro will give them development. Some shippers specifically wish Aoi had been a lesbian, and that Nene had been the one to understand her rather than Akane. I disagree with this take- well okay I would love a canon lesbian character but I’m happy with Aoi and Akane being canon + I like that Aoinene have their own set of struggles. But if other people wish the manga had gone in a different direction then they’re perfectly entitled to that opinion. I don’t have to agree with them, and they don’t have to agree with me

Now I want to talk about some Aoinene fanon tropes I love because I don’t see people do that with them that often:

• When Aoi gets all flustered over how strong Nene is…the reverse is cute too but I have a soft spot for damsel in distress Aoi. Let Nene carry her girlfriend!!

• Fics that have Aoi open up to Nene and let them talk about their problems. THIS is the thing we need more of omg I love it. This is what Aoinene is all about guys

• The flowers!! There are so many flowers in Aoinene fics!! Ahhhhh I love it sm. That one Beecalm fic where Aoi owned a magical flower shop and Nene took one home…it lives rent free in my mind

• Them having constant sleepovers, it feels so biblically accurate

• When they’re always going out and doing things together like going to the beach or shopping; again it feels very true to their dynamic

• Aoi pining is great and all but when people turn Nene into the pining one it’s so galaxy brain. Obviously mutual pining is superior but Nene being down bad for her best friend is so real

• I’m a big fan of fics that acknowledge that Aoi only gaf abt two ppl lmao, when they show her obvious bias towards Nene is makes me giggle

• Any fic that includes Aoi’s mommy issues

• The theme of seasons in their fics!! Omg it’s so creative. “my summer, my winter” by novaselic is a personal fave of mine (in addition to Beecalm, novaselic is also on the Aoinene Mount Rushmore btw)

• I know it’s overused in sapphic fics but I love when they go on picnics

• Nene showing up late to class and Aoi being early

• I love when fics lean into the extroverted side of Nene’s personality or in general have her act like an awkward ball of energy. Yes she’s very insecure and angsty but she’s also so funny and it makes me happy when I see writers capturing both sides of her personality. This girl befriends ppl so easily in canon, we should talk abt it more

• Whenever they simp for Sakura. Idc which one of them it is, it could even be both of them, it feels so canon. Sakura being the Teru to Aoi’s Nene is something that can be so personal

• When their friends know they like each other and tease them/try to wingman. Wingman Akane you will always be famous

Okay I’m gonna end it there because I could yap abt Aoinene fics forever. I might need to reread some, or find some ones I haven’t read yet. Every now and then I go through the tag and find some I’ve missed. Orrrrrr I might write Aoinene fan fiction, I should see if I can finish the Snow White au this weekend. No promises tho

Anyways I wrote this as a love letter to the Aoinene community; I love you guys, keep up the good work. If it weren’t for ya’ll I’d be alone in my hyperfixation so I’m glad others enjoy them as much as I do <3

[rmbunnie]

Red Hood Characterization

This is really long so I'm putting a cut here, I've been thinking about Jason Todd's character motivations and the question of whether or not his actions are based in a Moral Code (I don't think so, not to say he's without any morality) and I talk about that in more depth here.

I saw someone say on here that Titans: Beast World: Gotham City was some of the best Jason Todd internal writing they'd seen in a while, and I've been a Red Hood fan for 8 years or so now? pretty much since I read comics for the first time, so I went and checked out and I thought it was good! The way the person I saw talking about it as if it was rare and unusual made me wonder though, because as well-written as i thought his stances on crime were, there wasn't really anything in it that went against the way I conceptualize Jason?

This kinda plays into a larger question I've been thinking about for a while with Jason though, which is that, do people think that the killing is part of a fundamental worldview that motivates him a la batman, and that worldview is the reason he does the things he does?? Because 8 years ago i was a middle schooler engaging with fiction on the level that a middle schooler does, so I simply did not put much thought into it beyond "poor guy :(" but ever since I actually started trying to understand consistent characterization, I don't really see Jason as someone who's motivated by a moral code in his actions the way batman or superman is!

tbh my personal read is that he's a very socially-motivated guy, his actions from resurrection to his Joker-Batman ultimatum in utrh always seemed to me like every choice made leading up to his identity reveal was either a. to give him the leverage and skill necessary to pull off his identity reveal successfully, or b. to twist the knife that little bit more when he does let Bruce find out who he is. Like iirc there's a Judd Winick tweet like "yeah tldr he chose Red Hood as his identity because it's the lowest blow he could think of." And I think that's awesome, I think character motivations rooted so deeply in character's relationships and emotions are really fun to read! I also think it's where the stagnation/flatness of his character comes from in certain comics, because if his main motivation is one event in one relationship that passes, and he is not particularly attached to anything in his life or the world by the time that comes to pass, it's a little harder to come up with a direction to go with the character after that, because there isn't much of a direction that aligns with something the character would reasonably want? But I do think solving this by saying "all of the morally-off emotionally driven cruelty he did on his way to spite Batman was actually reflective of his own version of Batman's stance that's exactly the same except he thinks it's GOOD to kill people" isn't ideal. To be fully honest, it seems to me like he never particularly cared one way or the other about killing people to "clean Gotham of crime," he just did everything he could to get the power necessary to pull off his personal plans, and took out any particularly heinous people he encountered along the way (like in Lost Days.) Not to say I think the fact he killed people keeps him up at night anymore than everything else in his life events, I just never really thought he was out there wholeheartedly kneecapping some dude selling weed or random guy robbing a tv store for justice.

Looping wayyy back to my question, Is this (^) contradictory to the way he's written/the overall average perception of the character? Because like I enjoyed his writing in Beast World i have zero significant issue with anything there, I just didn't believe it would be a hot take, like yeah, that is Jason. It's been a while since I've read utrh and lost days, but I don't think my takeaway directly contradicts either of those too bad iirc. Idk all this to say I think Jason killing and being alright with killing is an obvious and objective fact, but i guess i've always seen it as more of a practical tactic than a moral belief, and I think taking the actions made during the lowest points of a character's life where he is obsessively focused on this ONEEEE thing and trying to apply it as a Motivating Stance to everything he's done after that, doesn't really follow logically for me.

[countmur]

How Literate Arcane Characters Are - Headcanon Thread

(Vander, Silco, Benzo, Caitlyn, Vi, Mylo, Claggor, Powder, Ekko, Jayce, Viktor, Mel)

I’ve never used tumblr before so please be patient w me 🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️ some minor spoilers for arcane 1 ahead!!

Vander:

Barely literate. He gets by mostly but he reads increasingly slow and needs to read out loud. The undercity doesn’t have an actual school system so the kids usually have to teach themselves or have their parents teach them. Vander was just a little shit as a kid, thought it was useless then and now he’s trying to learn since he’s running a business and all that. He can write, but again, barely. Has to sound out every word and even then it’s not guaranteed to be spelled right. He doesn’t understand how people read for fun. You give him anything thicker than a pamphlet and he’ll look at you like you’re crazy

Rat bastard Silco 🥰

A lot more literate than his brother, he was always more of the brains than the brawn anyway. For his work the ability to write well is a must, and he was a little less of a shit in his childhood than Vander so he actually started learning early on. He does enjoy reading actually!! He’s a bit of an elitist though and thinks he’s better than everyone else for “enjoying” classics. Probably wrote some fanfics as a teen, If Vander could read then he would definitely bully Silco.

Benzo (off topic but he doesn’t get as much love as he deserves)

He’s around the same level of literacy as Silco. Read data sets and instructional pamphlets all the time as a kid. Probably stumbled upon an IKEA furniture assembling guide once as a kid and was so fascinated he just had to figure out what it meant. Vander always comes to Benzo for help when he gets an especially fancy message from Grayson. I think Benzo would actually have some nice handwriting and would be super proud of his signature. He’s used to tinkering with very small and complex machines so he’s got good control.

Caitlyn

Idk what you want me to say here she’s a piltie with a council member for a mom I don’t know how she could be anything less than that one kid in elementary who was reading at a 12th grade level in 3rd grade. Read fanfics as a kid. Still does occasionally. Probably figured out she was a lesbian from reading fanfics. Had a weird obsession with mystery novels back then which may or may not have led her to become an enforcer.

Vi

Yeah she’s obviously Vander’s kid. Didn’t see the need to read and Vander didn’t really push her to so she just kinda never learned to read. To her the most important thing is to be able to speak well and not die. Probably liked to flip through comic books and try and piece together the story from the pictures (that or she just made up her own). Being locked up in prison for several years also doesn’t really help with literacy so yeah. Vi is illiterate.

Mylo

Most literate of Vander’s kids. He’s not super advanced but he’s doing a LOT better than his siblings. Benzo probably gave him a book on lockpicking without telling Vander once and that’s probably where Mylo actually began to read a lot more. He enjoys the usual fantasy and adventure books but rarely has the time to read them. He’s probably around a 5th or 6th grade reading level. Likes to rub the fact that he can understand the comic books into Powders face.

Claggor (I couldn’t find any good gifs of just him sorry 😢😢)

A little less literate than Mylo but he can still read pretty well! Probably likes to flip through craft books and then never make any of the projects shown (cough cough I’m projecting cough). Same with cooking books except he actually MIGHT make a thing or two shown in the book. Likes Fantasy books as well.

Powder / Jinx

As a kid she definitely loved flipping through kids’ encyclopedias with different animals in them. That’s partly why she started reading, cuz she was so interested in what those animals were. She also had a lot of spare time since Mylo would always insist on leaving her behind and sometimes it was enough to convince Vi. Once she got older I think she stopped reading as much. She still knew how to read she just lost the love for it, reminded her too much of her past life. Silco didn’t push her to keep reading either.

Ekko 😢😢😢😭😢😭😢😢😢😭😢🥺😢

Benzo actually pushed him to read a ton, and Ekko absolutely loved and respected Benzo so he wasn’t a tough student. He loved loved loved learning from Benzo and just honestly enjoyed spending time with his mentor. Benzo wasn’t too bad of a teacher either so Ekko became very literate very quickly. Again, after the events of the first arc he also lost his love for reading. He’s a great letter writer tho especially when he needs to give instructions.

Jayce

He got into a university I think you gotta be pretty literate for that. Idk tho. Could be wrong. Again idk what you want me to say for him. Oh but! I think he speaks atleast one other language just not well. He’s highly literate in English but not in the language his mom speaks. He can understand it and can speak it but can’t read or write in it.

Viktor

Kinda like Jayce I think he speaks another language EXCEPT he can also read and write in the other language too! So he’s very literate in both of the languages he speaks. He may be from the undercity but from his accent I want to make the guess that he may have moved to the undercity when he was very young. Maybe the place he was from actually had a decent school system where he learned to read and write in both his mother tongue and English. Seems like a fan of French novels and poetry books. You give him Frankenstein and he gets excited as hell.

Mel She comes from Royalty so she is very very well educated. Speaks several languages that her mom made her learn and can probably read and write in atleast 4 different languages. Traumatized girlboss polyglot!!!

Once she was no longer living with her mother I think she really started to indulge in fiction while before her mom would rarely allow it, saying it was a waste of time or that it promoted degeneracy (off topic but if Ambessa was a politician irl she would 100% use woke unironically). Seems like she’d be a big fan of Jane Austen and Emily Dickenson.

End of thread!!

[sleepingdeath-light]

smoked cheese cookie smut hcs ; 18+

requested by ; anonymous (17/12/23)

fandom(s) ; cookie run

fandom masterlist(s) ; hub | specific

character(s) ; smoked cheese cookie

outline ; “Can u do smoked cheese cookie smut hc?? I really like them. :)) (im 18 btw)”

warning(s) ; sexually explicit content, dominant leaning!smoked cheese cookie, sadist!smoked cheese cookie, collaring, pet play, free use kink, dollification, objectification, dumbification, degradation, humiliation, body writing, marking kink, edging, overstimulation, impact play, bondage, masochist!reader, submissive leaning!reader

note ; i’m not gonna lie smoked cheese cookie was a really difficult character for me to get into the head of, especially since i’ve never written for him before, so this may very well be somewhat ooc. this was also 90% written from my initial thoughts as i was going back through the story snippets in game where he appears, so apologies if this reads as a bit jumbled here and there lol ^^

minors and ageless blogs will be blocked

the first thing we need to establish is that while smoked cheese cookie has an extremely strong dominant lean, he is still a switch and can be convinced to take on a more submissive role in the bedroom every now and again — granted, it’s very very rare that he’s in the mood to sub, so unless you’re extremely patient or know exactly how to get him into sub space it’s unlikely that you’ll get much of a chance to dominate him outside of special occasions

those special occasions usually consisting of the times where he’s absolutely exhausted, defeated, and drained after a long day or a failed plan and he wants nothing more than to be held and pampered and spoiled until the whole ordeal is wiped from his memory — so anything involving body worship, praise kink, long and sensual foreplay, and lots of orgasms is the ideal way to get smoked cheese cookie to sub for you

(and if you start whispering praises about his power and intelligence and strengths as a future leader in his ear whilst making love to him, then you may just be able to send him straight into sub space — depending on how relaxed and vulnerable he’s feeling at the time, of course…)

on the other hand, as a dominant he adopts a much more strict and controlling demeanour, even becoming outright mean and sadistic at times, which means that a lot of the kinks he prefers to indulge in are the ones that emphasise the power imbalance between the two of you and, consequently, his ownership of you as your lover and your dominant

he’s a big fan of objectifying you and will go about it in whatever way you prefer (as cruel as he can be, and for as much as he likes flaunting his status, you’re still his equal at the end of the day and he wants to ensure you enjoy these things just as much as he does) — but the main two methods he defaults to are dollification or dehumanisation: either treating you as a dumb little dolly to be moved and dressed and posed and used however he wants (bonus points if you really perfect the glassy-eyed, thoughtless look), or as a glorified cocksleeve that’s only real purpose is to be a set of holes for him to use and a body for him to own (bonus points here if you get into the habit of presenting yourself to him whenever you’re alone — e.g. falling to your knees and opening your mouth when he spreads his legs for you). he also tends to combine each of these with very degrading and humiliating language, for example blatantly pointing out how much you enjoy being used when he’s deep inside of you, or commenting on how easy you were to train when you drop to your knees on instinct the second he motions for you to do so

(though both of these kinks are only really appealing to him in a sexual context as outside of the bedroom he does generally appreciate having a partner to covet and converse with as opposed to a living toy)

these ideas also go quite well with his love of the ‘free use’ kink as, with your express approval of course, with his busy schedule it’s nice to just be able to snap his fingers or drag you somewhere private to get you both off without having to skip out on his duties too much (he has an image to maintain after all)

pet play is also something he comes to be quite fond of as, again, the idea of owning you and treating you as his possession is something that’s extremely appealing to him — and if you’re up for it then he goes all out: buying you a collar and some matching jewellery to wear when you’re out and about in the golden city, insisting on you kneeling by his side whenever he’s working on some documents at home, having you eat and drink out of a personalised set of bowls, purchasing the best gear that money can buy (what kind of master would he be if he didn’t spoil his pet?), refusing to acknowledge your speech when you’re in pet mode and mocking you for making such a racket (e.g. telling you to stop ‘barking’ if you prefer being treated like a dog), and even getting a comfortable pet bed for you to rest in and a cage large enough to hold you for when you misbehave

being as greedy and possessive as he is, smoked cheese cookie also has a strong thing for marking you as his — sometimes that means covering your throat and thighs and chest with hickeys, and other times that means writing his name and statements affirming his ownership of you all over your body in a neat, but thick, cursive that take several hot showers to fully wash off

when it comes to punishing any bad or bratty behaviour you show, in public or in private, he tends to use a mixture of three different elements: impact play (usually using a flat instrument to swat at your ass and/or thighs until either he’s reached a number of hits he deems suitable for your ‘crime’ or you call the safe word), bondage (using a stretcher bar to keep your legs spread nice and wide so he can have full access to your body, while also using standard bondage rope to tie your wrists together and keep them extended above your head so you can’t reach down and get yourself off), and edging (using his hands and his cock to slowly work you towards the edge of climax before backing off just at the last moment over and over again, paying no mind to your tears or pleas as he continues to degrade and humiliate you for your desperation — recalling how desperate you were for his attention before and how pathetic and needy you’re acting now that he’s finally touching you)

and then once you’ve paid your penance, in his eyes at least, that’s when a different flavour of his sadism comes out as he proceeds to roughly overstimulate you until you physically can’t take anymore: until your throat is so raw that even breathing hurts, until your eyes are so full of tears that you can’t stop yourself from crying, until your voice is so hoarse that even your loudest screams sound like little more than timid half-coughed whimpers, until your whole body is limp and trembling, until the bed beneath you is soaked with sweat and your cum, until you’re so thoughtless and dumb that all you can do is climax over and over again

that’s when he’ll finally let up and get started on aftercare — he may be greedy (greedy for power, greedy for attention, greedy for your pleasure) but he’s no monster and makes sure that you have everything you need to recover from even the roughest of nights in his bed

[nitewrighter]

(Book binding anon) Anon has been given blessings to ramble? *deep inhale* Cindy perfectly encapsulates everything, and I do mean everything, that I have missed from so many fairy-tales, love stories, and fanfictions in the past decade or so. Every character is so lovingly simple--like, everyone involved has their flaws and strengths and a strong voice in and of themselves, but the prose is to the point and simple for their mannerisms, movements, and actions. For all the big, grand things that everyone does (or has done, looking at you, Mrs. Queen), the narrative always treats them as a person making choices. (Just a Lil Guy, if you will.) Which! Is! The Point! Of Cinderella!!! She is amazing because she has always always always chosen to be kind despite the shit going on, and the narrative subtly reinforcing that at every turn not JUST through lawn-chair-sitting author and their impeccable and funny inserts DIRECTLY calling out Cinderella, but in how it frames every character? The Prince's reflections? The slow understanding of everyone around the two of them how powerful that can be if you take the moment to think about it? Amazing!!! (Know that if I could put more exclamation marks and even more synonyms for "amazing" here without cluttering things, I would.) I remember as a kid finding book series like Skulduggery Pleasant which made use of short descriptive phrases and formatting (almost screenplay-esque?), and it read so easily; I'm always delighted to find things that make similar use of the dashes and ellipses to really hit home that cozy conversationalist tone. I can hear every character! Every! One! And there's JUST enough similarity to the way lawn-chair-sitting author speaks for that doubly nice reminder that yeah, we are sitting in their backyard getting told a fun story. Can we also appreciate that set-up? How it parodies so many funny retellings or strangely modern ones, sure (Masterpiece Theatre anyone? Does anyone else remember the horse lady?), but the readers aren't being talked to as kids? Like...lawn-chair-sitting author is tired, man. But they're hopeful. All their asides and inserts and descriptions feel like they're scooting to the edge of their chair to look me in the eyes and ask drunkenly but earnestly, "life fuckin sucks sometimes. But sometimes it's also good. This is my reminder." and sprinkling in all those other classic reminders of all kinds of other morals that make fairy tales so comforting. And! And and AND! It's so! Loving!!! To Cindy!!! I love the bits where the narrative "gives her space," builds her up even though she can't hear, lets her feel, and gets angry f o r her!!! It's just...it's so rare to find pieces where the characters are really, truly loved. Every time I reread it I feel like the story as a whole is just setting a big blanket on Cindy's shoulders and vicariously hugging her through the family she builds. Cindy and the Prince? The build up? The awkward second meeting? The constant communication? The quiet understanding? The build up of e v er y o n e 's eventual friendships??? The whole thing is just...so genuine and loving. I want to gush more, but at this point, trying to put how much I adore it into words just has me sitting at my keyboard making little grabby hands. Much love for your writing style, from the voice you have to the descriptions you use. They're all really wonderful, and when I get this thing bound, I'll send pictures <3

Sorry it's taken me a while to respond to this. I've just been reading it over and over.

I've never read Skullduggery Pleasant! I remember hearing vaguely about it online as a kid in the late 2000's/early 2010's, but I always thought it was a webcomic or something!

It's a little embarrassing to recall it now, but I actually did drunkenly tell a version of Cinderella from a deck chair... I want to say back in 2014? It was actually Sapsorrow from Jim Henson's "The Storyteller," which is closer to Donkeyskin, which uses the whole "Dress the color of the sky/Dress the color of the Sun/Dress the Color of the Moon" mechanic. We were *all* drunk and also passing a bong around but even then I was like... totally thrown off by people actually paying attention to me??? It always stuck with me, but I honestly wasn't even thinking about that time when I made that initial Cindy post. It only really came back to me around chapter 6, and I was like "Oh--this is like that time!!"

But the voice and the sense of spontaneity was very important to me throughout the whole thing. It still like... hits me that the story still emotionally affects people two years later--and I'm not saying that because I'm over it or anything! It's just... easy to kind of feel like you're not doing enough creatively when everything is 'content content content--are you putting out enough content?' these days. It's just... really affecting to be hit with "you floated this out into the world and it means something to people." It really means so much to me.

Thank you so much, I really mean that.

[crabonfire]

Hey, I can I please request for something tf2 Engie related, more specifically, with an gn s/o reader who has… An almost obsessive hoard of stuffed animals decorating their room??? I just think it’d be silly lmao, have a lovely day/night!!

Engie with a plushie obsessed gn! reader :)

character: engineer

note: mental health has dropped to the lowest point this year and I realized writing has actually helped my mind process and get through everything so...I'm back for now. I'm sorry for uh, lack of posts even after I said I'd post start of the new month, shit hasn't been good. I hope you enjoy this babe! I love my plushies, s/o just like me fr.

This is more of a drabble I guess. The reader has a lot of traits like I do with my own personal plushies so, I'm sorry if it's not accurate, it's just how I personally treat my plushies :)

Warnings: none

♡Engie♡

• When the text is in italic, engie is speaking as a plushie!!!

• He was surprised to find your room adorned with plushies first time you offered him in. There were small ones, ones that rest atop your dresser, your table. Some were bigger, all collected over your bed as you slept. You had huge ones too, those stereotypical big Teddy bears kids usually get, you had one that you'd lie on when days were rough.

• He didn't find it weird or anything, in fact he understood where it came from. Tons of people find comfort in plushies, especially cute ones with adorable features.

• He didn't comment on it at first, just thought it was cute.

But as you two grew closer and he spent more time in your room, he grew to truly understand your love for these plushies.

You'd name them and hug them on bad days, sometimes just because you felt like it. When he'd sleep in your room, you'd give every one of those plushies a kiss, and him one too, and he always finds that trait of yours melts him every time.

There had been moments where he wakes up in the morning before you do to the sight of you cuddling them, and it makes him feel a tiny bit jealous, but he finds it endearing nonetheless.

• If you talk to your plushies, honestly, he finds it funny. Often times he does it too.

"How come you hug those plushies more than you hug me?"

"You can't blame me. They're super soft, isn't that right Baymax?"

He turns his head to your plushie, shaking his head and taking it in his hands, facing it towards you over his face and making a silly voice to try and speak for it.

"I know I'm soft, but you shouldn't neglect your boyfriend like that!"

"Exactly. Thank you Baymax."

You simply snicker, rolling your eyes.

• He buys you cute little key chained plushies usually, but on the rare occasion he comes by a cute one you could hold in your hands, he'd present it to you after work and have such a cute smile on his face. Excited to see you giggle and beam at him with those sparkling eyes.

And he loves it when you grin as he explains what the plushie's name is.

"This is Cory. He's a little bear I found on the street, I'd take care of him on my own but...you know me, I'm always workin'."

"Oh Engie...he's so cute."

"Well, thank you kindly! You're cute, too."

• He loves how soft you get over your plushies, he also loves how dramatic you are with them sometimes. Giving them insane backstories or making them "fight", honestly he finds it pretty funny and a nice distraction.

• And sometimes when he misses you or you two get in a fight, he finds himself holding one of your plushies and melting in their plush. He gets why you have em honestly.

[moodymisty]

Hello, this is a request only if you are interested, I understand if you don't wanna do it. It's really hurt/comfort stuff with the intention of softness and comfort at the end. It's meant to be a Samael x s/o drabble. So basically, Lilith kidnapps s/o (seeing them as the horsemen's pet) and winds up torturing them so she can give them as a gift to Samael, not knowing how he really feels about s/o. (You don't have to be descriptive of what Lilith does, the overall premise is blood, pain, tears, and stuff. She's a mean bitch). Samael is given his s/o in really bad shape (not dead). It's up to you how it plays out, but I imagined he shows s/o a gentleness that's only for them as he tries to help them and take care of and assess their injuries. Lilith meanwhile is either jealous or disgusted by the show of mercy, (not what she expected). Maybe Samael flies into a rage upon seeing the human in such a pitiful way or he plays it cool and waits for an opening to be alone with them so he can help. It's up to you, I just wanna see Samael be all soft and gentle and show he cares about s/o. Thank you again for your generosity. I also have a different more smutty idea if you don't wanna do this one. Completely separate from this one.

Author's Note: I've never actually written for Samael at all before, I love his character but I'd never considered it, so this was a fun exercise. This is my first time writing Samael, so please excuse anything that may seem a little OOC while I get the hang of his character.

Summary: Samael saves his little songbird from the mouth of a cat.

Relationships: Samael/Fem!Reader

Warnings: Canon typical violence, Bruises, illuding to torture but no actual torture, Stockholm syndrome??? I guess, Fluff, Some brief references towards the Darksiders book 'The Abomination Vault' which is good go read it,

"Well now,"

His voice carries through the stone laden room, a booming deepness that even when he's only speaking casually, sounds almost as if he's addressing a group.

Samael.

You know the name; Lilith has mentioned it more than once when she talks to her servants and lesser demons. Those few snippets pale in comparison to seeing him, seeing how he towers larger than almost every other demon you've seen; Though still maintains a humanoid-esque shape.

You were apparently- in a way- his gift.

Lilith had cooed it to you more than once before, though she'd mostly been talking at you, as if an ornament. Rarely does she give things that don't amuse her the time of day; And simply chattering to a being she considers far inferior without inflicting some sort of suffering doesn't qualify.

It's the better of many other potential outcomes, at least. You'll take it. It isn't as if there's a choice anyhow.

Samael briefly glances in your direction, one large finger presses on the bottom of the cage that confines you as if to stop it's slow swaying, before his eyes turn back to Lilith. You've noticed her watching with intent, clearly focused on his reaction. If you had to guess, she wants something, and is hoping this will be the ticket towards pulling that favor.

"Where did you get this?"

The links of her chain belt 'tink' against each other, as she walks closer, glancing up towards the larger demon for but a moment.

"Just a little bit of sport; I know you've always been interested in Humanities, goings on."

Lilith finds it all dreadfully boring; At least anything that doesn't benefit or at least amuse her in one way or another. The demon lord takes another glance in your direction, the sharp points of the teeth visible behind his just barely parted lips.

Samael would've been quite interested in knowing how she managed such a feat, especially around the Council's watch, but Lilith seems too disinterested in the human she's captured to answer. She's much more interested in his reaction, or whatever she can get out of it. Even as boundary pushing as Samael can be, he isn't too eager to have the Council hot on his back. As well as the Horsemen; They are quite eager to keep Humanity protected, and are more than willing to obliterate anyone who goes against The Council's rulings.

Samael isn't too eager to deal with the mess of that; Particularly if it involves the youngest.

"You can do whatever you wish with it," Lilith says, her tone lightening and stringing the second half of her sentence with an almost singing tone. "Consider it a gift."

Her eyes move from the large openings in the wall revealing the dreadful hellish sky, an unreadable expression on her face. One might assume it's sultry, and that wouldn't be entirely wrong, but there is far more there; And it goes far deeper.

"You should come by more often. I have far more interesting pets than little humans." Samael's gaze turns from you to her.

"That, I am already well aware of." She seems unhappy with his response, though it seems positive on pure words alone. Maybe there's an undertone that exists only between them.

When she's departed, it's impossible not to feel the way your heart drops in your chest when you see Samael's full attention turn to you. It's just his head turned your way at first, before he fully turns and with loud, thundering steps against broken cobblestone, does he make his way towards you. The cuts and scrapes on your hands hurt as you support your weight, but the pain pushed to the back of your mind in place of fear.

The last time you had a demon's full attention was Lilith, and she isn't one who's attention you want.

"Tell me,"

You don't miss the way his tone of voice seems to change a bit now that he's speaking directly to you; Though it's easy to just assume it's purely manipulative.

"Do you sing, little songbird?"

You don't answer, mouth and throat dry. Fear is a permeant emotion to you now, and you feel it rising up more and more as you feel his glowing eyes focus on you. The way your heart hammers on your collarbone, breath short and ragged. Your jaw hurts from how tense it's been for ages, lips split and cracked.

Samael gives the cage a soft 'bonk' with one knuckle, just enough to send it shaking back and forth. It wobbles and forces you to hang on, watching him as he watches you stumble about. He can see the perpetual fear in your eyes, the way your body is slowly giving away to the amount of hazards it's been through. He's not sure how long you've been here, but it couldn't be that long, if you still have your wits about you.

Lilith always did enjoying playing with her toys until they broke.

Samael has never really made sense of it. In all of his centuries he's always operated with a goal in mind, doing whatever he could to get to it. Lilith's motives sometimes seem, short-sighted. Maybe even a little dull.

But this, now this is interesting.

Samael hasn't seen a human in many years, and while the clothing you wear is different, humanity still maintains the form the Creator originally shaped them in.

That form is, soft.

He can see the tops of your hands and wrists are dirty, covered in small bruises, the same sort running along your neck and cheeks. Your eyes are wide, darting over every inch of him in fear.

Samael stops.

Maybe it's boredom. Maybe it's the desire for something a little bit different.

Samael is old. Far older than your realm, and anything that's been built on it. But in all of those years, Earth has remained a tantalizingly forbidden fruit. The Council forbade access centuries ago, and as such, Samael has been restricted to hearing of Humanity's accomplishments and fumbling through stolen artifacts and hushed whispers.

So he's, curious.

Everything he's ever heard of humanity has been what they lack in strength they make up for in ingenuity, and creativity. And depravity; Depending on the demon you ask.

The long, clawed hand that had just rapped against the cage's bars now holds the lock, fiddling with it before he snaps it between his fingers. When the shattered pieces fall to the ground, the cage's door slowly creaks open. You eye the giant demon, as he seems look at you expectantly. There's no shortage of amusement on his face, either.

"What, you think I won't try to run?" Samael laughs, a deep baritone you can feel in your chest.

"By all means, go right ahead. Whatever you run into out there will be far less inviting than myself." He can see the thought run through your little head, until you make a choice.

You move closer towards him, hedging a bet that he'll be better than Lilith, and whatever she had in store for you.

You've seen that throne of Lilith, and her pets. Her creativity knows no bounds. Whatever end you might meet with Samael, is far better than that.

You let the larger demon take you, leaving one unknown for another.

It might've been easy for someone to scold you on not hearing him coming up behind you, but in your defense, it's easy to miss; Especially when one is distracted.

His footfall is softer than one might expect, though one probably wouldn't exactly call it soft at all. It's his voice you end up hearing first anyways, looking over your shoulder the minute it hits your ears.

"So this is where you've been off to."

You turn around, looking up as Samael approaches. His wings are casually half-folded, watching as you fiddle with a large decorative vase.

Samael's palace is huge. Enough so that it's quite easy to get completely lost.

Far better than a cage; At least in your opinion.

You don't know exactly how long it's been since you left Lilith, but it's not been enough time. The improvement has been astronomical, and you no longer feel the constant, heart pounding fear that had been permanent for so long.

Samael is, oddly nice. You'd expected it to be mostly a ploy, but while you know he's a demon, one capable many, many things, he hasn't tried anything yet.

And so you find yourself almost enjoying his company, and the idea of leaving him now almost seems like a negative. You'd miss him.

"I just wanted to take a look around."

You don't think it would qualify as a 'treasure room', but the large open space is littered with a variety of things; From broken weapons to odd pieces of art that seem clearly inhuman. Most seem to be stolen from battlefields judging by the overall wear and tear, but it' hard to be sure. Some seems like it almost hails from Hell itself, much to your surprise.

Who would've thought demons would be so artistic.

"There is far more worth seeing than whatever rubbish you were throwing around. Let me show you." He kneels just enough to gesture towards you with his hand, and you know what he's asking you to do.

As step closer Samael's eyes rake over your body, taking note of the way most of the bruises and cuts have faded away. What's left is a much more fresh face, one that isn't battered and showing of fear and fatigue.

He lets you up onto his shoulders with a gentle boost, and you take roost quickly. He can feel the gentle touch of your hands on his scale-like skin, as you hold on. He'll show you sights that Humanity has yet to see, or hasn't in millennia.

Glancing up towards you he sees the way you're eagerly waiting, and begins walking.

[thelunaticghost]

xvn fic recs !!

i have been meaning to do this for a while : mostly because fic recs are fun to compile and also thee seems to be a BIG shortage of any fic rec posts!! so here are some fics i have enjoyed over the years!! ofc this list is non exhaustive please note the ratings of each fic and heed the tags before reading! sorry, that i am putting in the shorter summary

anyway!! feel free to put in more fic recs too!! :D

End OTW Racism | over the edge of all our knowings by merthurlin [ G, 10,146 words , 1/1 ]

Years down the line, after the whole business with Lumine and her brother has been concluded, Venti decides to go on a world tour. He sends Xiao letters.

merthurlin got me into xiaoven so ofc my list starts with her fic! this is just so so sweet and even if its not necessarily fluffy there is a warmth to the writing it is a comfort read for me! i recommend every work by her (regardless of fandom). though in xvn End OTW racism | never dreamed of nobody like you is another excellent fic!

nocturne by yanrans [ T, 34,540 words, 4/4 ]

In which Venti sells magical music boxes, Xiao is his unwitting customer, and there is absolutely, definitely nothing more to it at all.

modern au where venti is - a scammer? - i mean a music box seller and xiao is just a regular guy and and. its funny and delightful and absolutely breath taking. i wouldnt elaborate more so as not to spoil anything further but the fic has many unexpected surprises in it! yanrans is another writer i definitely recommend to check out more! their writing style is very flamboyant and poetic.

what hides in neon shadow by morii_tea [ T, 7,547 words, 1/1 ]

In which Xiao is a cyborg, Venti is a thief, and the glittering city of Teyvat hides more secrets than they’re prepared to find out.

its so rare to see morally grey venti is potrayed (even though he isnt v morally grey but still. xiao having to remembering that venti isnt as honourable as he appears is yesssss wohoo). this fic has some thrilling action and a v fun cyberpunk world!! i wish it was longer but it is v exciting nevertheless

every morning in the dark by magicites [ M, 77,124 words, 34/34 ]

Stuck in a time loop where he succumbs to his karmic debt, Xiao struggles to see the point in moving forward. Venti struggles to save him.

READ THE TAGS!!! character death and suicidal thoughts are two major warnings. but DAMN this fic it's just so. SO FULL of everything WRONG with xiao!! and venti too but such a GREAT angst fic!! it gets everything so Right. magicites also happened to have written one of my most favourite genshin fic too :] and if you havent read her other works!! you are missing out!!

the half-life of the yaksha is absolute by GStK [ G, 1,000 words, 1/1 ]

Venti digs his thumbs in to keep open the wound but it is too late His gaze snaps over to the teal essence dancing over Xiao’s fingers. Now all those words will belong to him And Venti will belong to him, only.

READ THE TAGS!! now that i have went into the time loop fic ofc i have to mention the beautiful corrupt xiao prose. the imagery is flowery and grotesque!

foreigner's god by smallghosts [ T, 3,818 words, 1/1 ]

Lord Barbatos falls asleep for a few hundred years. Xiao copes with his absence in strange ways.

a pre-canon fic where xiao becomes - in a way - a worshipper? it's SO GOOD. its about the yearning!!!!!!!!! SCREAMS i dont think i have to explain further

love me like you do by Limerancy [ T, 3,000 words, 1/1 ]

They aren’t the kind of friends that touch.

TOUCH STARVED AND TOUCH AVERSE XIAO!!!!!! this fic makes me a lil bit feral. a little unhinged. i absolutely enjoy reading about the yearning , the desire JUST!!!! AAAA. this writer also writes v fluffy modern au one shots!!! so be sure to check them out too :)

The Kissing Tree by Princeliest [ G, 7,581 words, 2/2 ]

Venti kisses Xiao, and Xiao does not understand why.

VENTI COMMITMENT ISSUES!!!!! as much as i adore reading xiao angst, venti angst is still something i love seeking out and its a tragedy that its not explored enough in this ship :c but anyway!!! such amazing characterization and exploration!! princeliest is one of fav genshin writers and this fic delivers!

wishing on dandelions all of the time by OedipusOctopus [ T, 8,270 words, 1/1 ]

When Venti first catches sight of the swords artfully hung on the wall of his new roommate's bedroom, he regrets putting up the sublease on Craigslist. Firmly believing this guy is a total weirdo, Venti is more surprised than anyone when he realizes the total weirdo is actually adorable. It's not against some invisible Roommate Code to dream about kissing your roommate, right?

ofc there is a classic roommate au fic!! this was one of my most favourite fic from last years xvn week: its hilarious and silly and just a perfect relaxing read!! the characterization and their banter is so entertaining i admit i have read this multiple times!

Where Words Fail by kavvueh [ T, 27,926 words, 11/12 ]

"You're Barbatos," Xiao repeats breathlessly. The young man in front of him nods. "Yep." "But..." Xiao cuts himself off and tries again. "You're the God of songs and poetry." The Anemo Archon nods his head sagely. "More or less." Xiao fixes Lord Barbatos with the most incredulous look he can manage. "... You're failing Music Theory."

this fic is such a delight!! it has some light background lore, some silly shenanigans, miscommunications, pinning - a truly fun mixture! the fic is v light hearted but written with a lot of tenderness. i am v excited to see its conclusion!

what queer sins stain thy soul by Anonymous [ M, 3,232 words, 1/1 ]

In which Xiao, long-established asexual, learns that identity is not as stable as he’d like to believe.

there is some explicit things in it (in non explicit way) i believe religious guilt is one of the best flavouring to xvn. it is an under-explored area in this ship imo and this fic not only has that but also!!! asexuality !!!!!! this fic so so personal and its exploration of desire that gets to me a lot

unholy virtues by morphasia [ E, 17,065 words, 6/6 ]

In exchange for his body in more ways than one, Venti summons a demon to reclaim something that has been stolen from him. It's a just contract. That's all it's supposed to be. That's all it was ever supposed to be.

READ THE TAGS!!! this fic truly went creature/creature. this au is just so fascinating and funny in a twisted way (but not bad). this fic isnt for everyone though but it is definitely worth the shot.

[epithetical]

2024 UPDATE (OFFICIAL)

Hey, everyone. Longtime no talk. Despite being weirdly active on this account, I haven't really made any textposts since high school. So I've decided to fix this by giving a gigantic update post about my very busy 2023. If you're new and don't know anything about me, or knew me as a teen and are wondering what I'm up to now: buckle up.

TL;DR:

Dropped out of art school. Released an award-nominated(???) dating sim, ValiDate. Killed the Golden Girls Take Manhattan DX. Conquered Jaw Explosion Disease. Hung out with some friends. (Also, a lot of NDA shit that I can’t talk about.)

ART-SCHOOL DROPOUT

From 2021 to 2022, I was attending a prestigious and overly-expensive art school for their (brand new!) game design program. When I first graduated from high school, this college was my dream choice, and coming off the success of my early game dev career, it seemed like a perfect opportunity to polish my skills while I kept working on the side. My first commercial game was still in development, but we were feeling comfortable, and I felt like getting greedy.

Pride before the fall. Full Icarus mode. You know how it goes.

The school itself was…alright. Satellite campus, mid-pandemic, hybrid learning. Close enough to commute comfortably, classes just long enough for masks to not give me a headache, and the handful of remote courses helped keep my medical problems at bay. Problems that the school was a little unequipped to help with, though the disability office did their best. I had to drop a class because my body, at the time, couldn’t handle eight hours of classes without some Crazy Side Effects. 

(Keep in mind that every class was, minimum, four hours. And I had to take at least five a semester. Each class also saw me make an entire game from scratch. My body was already at its limit.)

If you knew me in high school, you’re probably waiting for the shoe to drop: I was, famously, the worst at academics. Never did homework, rarely finished projects, slept through first period at least once a week. Surprise, though: I was fucking great at this. My GPA doubled. Turns out that going to school for a discipline you already have a career in, and are kinda obsessed with, kinda does wonders for you. Unfortunately, I picked the worst time to care about school, since my commercial game’s release was the same exact night that my five school games were due.

TL;DR, I didn’t sleep for a week, almost fucked both up, and got burnout so bad that I couldn’t do anything for a calendar year. So I dropped out! Now, about a year of job hunting later (the game’s industry is imploding right now, and the only studios that considered me were… questionable, to say the least), the expensive art school wants me back. So badly. Turns out the whole school is so broke and understaffed right now that they’re basically chomping at the bit for that tuition money. Got a week to decide. Jury’s still out.

VALIDATE POST-MORTEM

So, if you couldn’t tell from the above section, we released a game in 2022!  I was supposed to write a post-mortem for it, but… burnout from the above, combined with general “post-release depression,” and I didn’t feel like touching it. 

Part of me still doesn’t! 

Yet I kinda think the feeling of me not wanting to talk about ValiDate is still worth discussing, so here we go:

For those of you that aren’t aware, I was a head dev on ValiDate, a dating sim that released in 2022. Volume 1 (of 3) did, anyway.

Did a lot of music, did a lot of writing, created some characters people really care about, created some characters people really want to fuck, made a couple Tweets that my boss hated, got accused of being reverse racist a few times. It was truly one of the most exciting and rewarding experiences of my life. And, yes, we’re still working on Vol. 2 behind the scenes. 

That’s actually the reason why it’s kinda hard to talk about Vol. 1!

It was my first commercial game, my first publicly released game, and I think there’s always gonna be a… natural embarrassment toward your first “real” project. Combine that with my natural “if you stare at me for too long, I will kill myself” tendencies, and the game’s release was a special type of torture. It’s one thing to watch people play through a game that you poured your blood, sweat, and tears into, knowing full well that they might hate it (or just misunderstand it), but shit gets so much worse when you know that you could have done better. 

It’s a very special kind of psychological torture to have creative decisions you feel were mistakes, things you half-assed because of burnout or deadlines, or things you did wrong because you just didn’t know any better! The embarrassment was overwhelming, so I just… dipped for a while. Didn’t watch gameplay or read reviews, didn’t do much of anything.

Took me a while to realize that me being embarrassed about the project isn’t because ValiDate was bad or anything. I was embarrassed because it was an incredible learning opportunity for me. The amount that I picked up on game design, community management, leadership, marketing, pitching, porting, etc. in two years is more than any school could teach you in four. Volume 1 was a game made by amateurs, still wet behind the ears, trying to build something from grassroots. 

But Volume 2 is a game-ass game. 

And having done all the work we have on Vol. 2 (which, while I can’t talk about it publicly, is a lot!), looking back at our first release feels like… revisiting your awkward middle school photos. Sometimes it’s hard to not feel contempt for who you were when your biggest struggle was becoming, but learning to choke down that shame? It taught me to feel grateful for the you of yesterday, who clawed their way through uncertainty so that you, today, can stand on sturdier ground. Growing up is embarrassing, and it turns out you keep doing it well into your twenties! Sucks. 

For the past few days, Dani and I have been watching a Twitch streamer play through Volume 1. We’ve been so deep in planning for the future that we figured, hey, may as well revisit the past. Detached from all that embarrassment of becoming, I gotta admit: we made a fun little dating sim. People like it. Hell, I like it. Sure, I know all of its flaws and shortcuts, and I have my fair share of critiques… but fact of the matter is, if I have a problem with something, I can just fix it. 

Admittedly, In the past, that attitude of mine has actually been more of a problem than a solution. “I can fix this myself!” is all fine and good when you’re a solo dev trying to throw something together, but it turns out taking on excess responsibility in a collaborative setting is a way to make shit suck for you and your team. During the Kickstarter demo era, I was literally on every team besides art. Writing, programming, music, I got my fingers in all those pies. It was fun to me, and more importantly, it was sustainable. 

Until it wasn’t.

Volume 1 coinciding with my tenure at [art school], using a (finicky and, frankly, shitty) new game engine, being much larger in scope, introducing minigames (which, surprise, I was team lead on)... I pretty much killed myself trying to get it all done. Honestly, I blame half of our day-one bugfixes on me specifically. Every single one of them was an oversight made because I was pulling the classic “I’m unmedicated so crunching is the only way I can feel alive” type shit. 

Except for the OST. That one sucked because art school sucks all the joy out of creating.

Happy to say that our workflow for Volume 2 has been much more sustainable for me, even if I’ve officially broken my “no art” rule for it. Yeah, turns out I’m finally making use of that animation major. Sucks.

Self reflection over. Except for one last note:

If you’ve followed ValiDate, played our demo, donated to the Kickstarter, replied to our Tweets, played our second demo, bought our game, or just talked about us to a friend… I am so, so grateful. Beyond what words could possibly describe. It’s been my dream for as long as I can remember become a game developer, and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you guys. Vd8 wasn’t what I expected the cornerstone of my career to be, but honestly? I couldn’t have asked for a better one. We have Vriska in our game. How many people can possibly say that?

And to those of you still waiting for Volume 2:

You haven’t seen anything yet.

GAYMING AWARDS

Speaking of ValiDate… Did you hear we were nominated for some Gayming Awards last year? We were! 

Three other head Vd8 devs (Dani: Production, Alexis: Art, Cam: Code) flew out to beautiful New York City for the award show last March, which was actually our first time actually meeting up IRL. Really funny how I’ve known Dani since I was fifteen, but here we were, a decade later, finally meeting face to face. She’s so much taller in person. I’m still taller, but barely.

Meeting up with internet friends is one thing (and more on that later!), but meeting up with internet coworkers? It’s interesting. This was the first moment that ValiDate felt “real,” seeing as it was suddenly important enough to give us comp’d flights and a hotel room, but more than that: the people I’ve been working with for years exist? We’re all hanging out together? We’re wandering through Manhattan all day? We’re eating the most disgusting food at Junior’s in Times Square? We’re trying to figure out what this mystery liquid is? How much did this food cost again? (Seriously, my onion rings were 90% dough and 10% onion.)

While I won’t bore you with the minutiae—I think my friends would prefer the privacy anyway—the entire trip to NYC was fun, exhausting, and a dream-come-true.

Except for that goddamn award show. Jesus CHRIST, what a trainwreck.

No, I’m not saying that just because we lost. We did lose, though. (Personally, I was fine with it, but I also had to travel the least distance to get there. So…) I’m saying that because the entire Gayming Awards industrial complex was, uh, kinda busted this year?

So imagine, you’re us: bunch of twenty-somethings on your Sex and the City shit. Big award show tonight, formal attire. We’re talking high heels, long dresses, full suits, the whole nine yards. Now what do you do in Manhattan? Walk. Sure, we weren’t walking in formal attire the entire time, but it was still a good five blocks to the award center where—wait, what do you mean they relocated the ceremony? The hall they rented is closed for mysterious reasons? Where the hell are we doing the award show?

If you answered “the drag bar where the afterparty was supposed to take place,” congrats, here’s $20. Way further away from our hotel, which meant more walking, and also a way smaller venue with a lot less… formality, let’s say. But we’re young gay people, we don’t care about formalities, who gives a shit! As long as it can seat all of us, then—oh there’s no seating. Ohhhh. Oh! Okay.

I’ll admit, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. There were a handful of couches, VIPs only. Realizing quickly that, oh shit, we’re VIPs, we managed to snag some front-seat couches before any of the pesky old people could. (We’re young! We deserve to sit! You’ve had your entire lives to sit, established games industry people! Let the new generation have a turn!) Unfortunately, when I got up to cash in my free-drink voucher, my seat was stolen by some white lady. 

So I sat on the floor.

March 2023. You, sitting at home, have decided to tune into the Gayming Awards “live” on Twitch, curious to see what Britain’s premiere gayming magazine had to say about, uh, esports. 

This is important to you. 

Fortunately, this year you’re watching a decently shot and scripted award show filmed in a (noticeably claustrophobic) little bar, complete with charming presenters (many of whom are local drag queens) and a myriad of corporate sponsors. You can hardly tell that the entire show was uprooted and moved hours prior!

Yet, for some reason, whenever the cameras cut to the audience… There’s some large man, right in front of the crowd, slumped down on the floor as if he’s bleeding out. With every award given, his clapping grows weaker. The more the camera cuts to him, the more life drains from his body, as if his existence itself is anathema to “gayming.”

Imagine, for a moment, that this man is nominated for an award. 

Imagine that he, after a lifetime of potassium deficiency, has been teetering on the edge of a Charlie Horse Reckoning for hours.

Imagine that the microsecond that his game’s name is called as a nominee, the Reckoning begins. 

Now imagine a world where he wins that award. 

A world where he is forced to stand—from his corpse’s rightful place on the ground!—in front of his peers and superiors, pretending as if he’s not afflicted with a life-ending muscle cramp.

So, yeah. I was pretty fine with losing.

Later, we ditched the “afterparty” to drink at Applebees. (Turns out “green tea shots” don’t have any green tea in ‘em?)

EULOGY FOR THE GOLDEN GIRLS TAKE MANHATTAN DX

Big announcement! I was a team lead on The Golden Girls Take Manhattan DX, a certified Tumblr Gold™ fan-project (by the immortal Grawly) about the eponymous Gold Girls in a Persona-esque parody game! 

Slightly bigger announcement! The game got cancelled. Sorry.

Feels a little weird talking about this, since the year-ish I spent working on the game passed in the blink of an eye, and I’m not going to lie and say that I was an instrumental piece of the team or whatever. I was lucky enough to lead a very talented team, and to play with some very fun devtools, but the game was definitely more important to me than I was to it. (Grawly, if by some off-chance you’re reading this, please click off now. You can peek back in at the Jaw Explosion Disease subheader. I promise I’m very nice and respectful.)

I was in high school when I was first made aware of TGGTMDX. My friend group was very into Persona (in the pre-P5 days), and one of our favorite video subgenres was “videogame UI on top of sitcom scenes.” It didn’t take us long to stumble onto early-build footage of TGGTMDX on Tumblr, and what spawned was a years-long fascination. I’d even consider it one of my many… game dev awakenings? The idea that the only thing stopping me from making “American Persona”—one of my many white whales—was commitment to the bit. Just one of the many things that fueled my teenaged suicidal overconfidence.

Speaking of suicidal overconfidence, about a decade later, I was invited to work on the game! Coming fresh off ValiDate, I was desperate for a chance to make a real portfolio piece (visual novels, while popular, will never get you a job), and this sort of opportunity only presents itself once in a lifetime. Fulfilling a teenage dream while furthering your career? What could possibly go wrong!

That makes it seem like there was some explosive drama behind the scenes that ruined everything. Sorry to say that most game cancellations aren’t that exciting, and that this game’s death was by a thousand microscopic cuts. Most of which are not my place to talk about: this game wasn’t my baby, and cancelling it wasn’t my choice to make! Many people worked on this for much, much longer than I even knew how to code, and they deserve to have their feelings prioritized. Whenever that post mortem gets published, I’ll be the first to reblog it, trust me. 

Instead, I’d prefer to talk a little about this as being my first real “loss” as a game dev. Certainly not my first project to go under, and I’ve had my fair share of shelved prototypes, but something about this cancellation was… different. Working on your dream project is all fun and games until you feel partially responsible for it dying, y’know? It felt Sisyphean at a point, like trying to dig a hole in the sand with a pitchfork. I would work at the game, and work at the game, but nothing I did felt like it made a dent. 

Part of me knew I wasn’t giving it my all, between the school-based burnout (above), jaw explosion disease (below), and ValiDate (omnipresent), it’s not like I could’ve afforded to put more of myself into it. Besides, I was literally a team lead, half my job was telling other people what to do. But the spectre of “you’re not doing enough” was hard to shake. Even when all these other responsibilities ebbed and I could afford to give this game my all, the difference felt minimal. 

We spend a lot of time pitying Sisyphus for having to push that boulder uphill over and over, but none of us ask ourselves “could we even move that big fucking rock in the first place?” Apparently, I couldn’t.

I wasn’t the only one that felt that way, it turned out. In fact, pretty much all the friends I made on the project felt the same. If there’s any “real” reason why the project got cancelled, it’s that. No big falling out, Disney didn’t give us a cease and desist, no secret rebrand going on in the background. Just a bunch of lads getting sick of pushing a boulder. Hell, Grawly’s been doing it for a decade. Let him rest.

Not too much rest, though: we’re already working on a different game together (Date Knight: check it out if you haven’t!), and some of us ex-Golden Girls devs have some ideas for what else we can cook up. 

For money, this time.

JAW EXPLOSION DISEASE

Probably the biggest “development” of 2023 was my sudden horrible nerve pain in July, which started as a sinus infection on the left side of my face, and soon became a horrific jaw pain. Long after my sinus infection healed, the jaw pain remained, which is a pretty bad hand to draw when a considerable portion of your day is spent “talking,” or “eating.” So, for the back half of 2023, I didn’t do much of either.

Instead, I had to take a considerable amount of ibuprofen, visit one doctor, three dentists, two hospitals, and four oral surgeons to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. The dentists discovered an exposed nerve, caused by wisdom tooth removal complications (sick!), the oral surgeons went “okay, we can fix that,” got me all numbed up. But it turns out that my left jaw is immune to local anesthesia! Thinking this was an infection, they kept putting me on antibiotics over and over in the hopes that it’d suddenly work. Took a note from my childhood dentist explaining that, “no, he’s always been like this” to find a surgeon willing to put me all the way under. (And then, the first time they tried, I woke up in the middle anyway! I got a full refund on the copay, at least.) 

Ultimately, I found a very nice surgeon in December that treated me same-day, and did it perfectly, but the damage to my liver from all that ibuprofen was… bad. But it turns out that livers just… regenerate naturally? So, give it a few months, I’ll be at 100%. Hopefully.

OOMFCON

Hilariously, six months after we met up for the Gayming Awards, Dani and Alexis found their way back to NYC for a little combination meet-up/vacation we affectionately titled “Oomfcon 2023.” This time, with bonus friends! Our entire friend server, whose name I’ve been advised not to post publicly, had rented an AirBnB for anyone willing to drop everything and go to Brooklyn. 

It took about a year of planning (mostly by Alexis) to get us all out there, but Jesus Christ, it actually worked.

Admittedly I’m a bit hesitant to talk at length about “taking a vacation”—even though I’m already… from here?—but it really was the highlight of my year. First for actually happening, when most friend groups I’ve had would have written the idea off as a pipedream, but mostly for being a really good time. A lot of walking, a lot of talking, a lot of drinking, a lot of dining. (This was during Jaw Explosion Disease, so you can imagine how my body took most of that.)

To Dani, Alexis, Miles, Haven, Grim, Xtine, and Ty: thanks for coming up here! The city is a lot more boring without you guys in it. I promise to have less health issues when we do this again!

And to everyone else outside the groupchat that I met and bored with my job hunt stories: Nice meeting you guys! Sorry that fate decided every single one of you is forced to keep in touch with me. (And I didn’t even get the shitty corporate job!)

[barbaracleboy]

Etrian Odyssey Series: Compilation of Archetypal Town Characters

I really love the NPCs that show up in each Etrian Odyssey game, in the town you keep coming back to between dungeon visits. Unironically, I'm always excited to see the new shopkeeper, innkeeper, barkeeper, etc. of any given EO game. Because of that, just for fun, I decided to gather official art for all characters of the archetypes: guildmasters (whom you speak to when growing and organizing your guilds), innkeepers (whom you speak to when resting at an inn or storing/taking back items), shopkeepers (whom you speak to when buying goods and armor/weapons), barkeepers (whom you speak to to get and report sidequests), and...mission givers? (officials whom you speak to to get or report important story missions).

Now, some of this art was a bit tough to find, mainly for Etrian Mystery Dungeon 2 and the Mobile game, since neither was released outside of Japan and the latter is more or less lost. For EMD 2 I went to some Japanese articles on 4gamer talking about it (https://www.4gamer.net/games/375/G037512/20170720039/ and https://www.4gamer.net/games/375/G037512/20170622014/) and for the Mobile game I went to this Japanese Article that that talked about playing it a little (http://dihyhi.blog.fc2.com/blog-entry-47.html), which to my knowledge is one of the only documentations of that game, so credit to those sources for the art. I also machine translated those sites for info on the Characters' names and whatnot, so take it with a grain of salt. I know machine translations are rarely very helpful but it's all I had right now, sorry.

It should also be noted that there will be light spoilers for some of the games here, mainly Etrian Odyssey 3. Nothing too egregious, at worst it's for something you find when you beat the second Stratum, but I still feel I should mention it.

One last thing, I will be listing most games as EO plus their respective number (so the first game will be EO1), the Mystery Dungeon games will be listed as EMD and EMD2, for the first and second respectively, the Mobile game will written EOM, and even though in America it's called Etrian Odyssey Nexus I will write that game as "EOX", simply because that's more distinctive as an acronym. I've seen others on here do that so it's probably not so weird but I still felt I should clarify.

But enough talk! It is time to meet the guildmasters, some of the most important NPCs in any Etrian Odyssey game! Mostly rather well-armored looking (except for in EO3, EMD2, and Mobile), these tend to be pretty cool characters, and while we don't always get to see them fight much it's welcome when the chance does arrive.

My favorite of these is probably Marion, with Asuka and Egar as runner ups.

[The rest will be under the Keep reading, otherwise this post would just be way too long by default]

And now, for the group that, to be real, is a big part of why I wanted to make this post: the Innkeepers! Friendly, helpful folks that run the inns where your characters can rest, healing up and saving progress. As some likely remember, I already listed most of these characters in that meme I made some time back, featuring characters I like that have constantly closed eyes (https://barbaracleboy.tumblr.com/post/722662911985778688/forgive-me-if-ive-posted-this-here-already-but-i). I intentionally tried to list every Innkeeper from the Etrian Odyssey series (minus some whose eye aren't closed all the time, whom I will get into later), and I largely succeeded!...except it turns out that there's a unique innkeeper in the Etrian Odyssey Mobile game. Granted, I can't really get on myself for that, it's a Japan-only mobile game that barely anyone seems to have played or heard of and is also not available anymore. Still, that was a slight bummer for me. But look! They're all here now!

My favorites of these is probably Hanna, with Jenetta and Dalla as runner ups.

And now, I can truly have them lined up together.

Look! They're friends!

Next up are various shopkeepers! Fun fact! Napier is not only the Shopkeeper to have run the shop in two separate games (not counting remakes), but one of, if not the only one of these NPCs to have hosted a facility in two separate games.

My favorite of these is probably Shilleka, with Edie and Wynne as runner ups.

This group consists of characters in similar, if not identical roles to the prior group: if I'm correct, in Etrian Odyssey One medicines and equipment were sold at different shops, and at medicine shops you could also revive characters and cure petrification (EO2 brought medicine at the main shop but kept the revival at the hospital). Hoffman, Stiles, and Muse(?) here ran their respective games medicine shops/hospitals, Angie supported Dr. Stiles, Don Chano supported his daughter, Elizabeth (from the prior group), and Lizley and the Merchant of Darkness(?) acted as merchants you coukd run into within the dungeon itself. Also, apparently Hoffman, Stiles, and Angie are (based on) characters from Trauma Center, which is neat.

My favorite of these is probably Don Chano, with Lizley and the Merchant of Darkness as runner ups.

Another big favorite of mine, the Barkeeps! It's always fun chatting with these friendly types, hearing them cheer you on before many quests and compliment you for having completed one. They're so pleasant!...Though. yeah, Kvasir can be quite suspect with some of the things he says.

My favorite here is probably Kirtida, with Niralda and...either Missy or Mukkoran as runner ups...I love them too much, ha.

I don't know what to call this group really but they give the story missions and are about all in some position of power. Some are more involved in the story than others, but overall you will be seeing them often...Also, for some reason I couldn't find anyone that fills this role for Etrian Mystery Dungeon 2? Maybe I just did a bad job at looking but I don't know, I just couldn't find anybody. It's odd.

My favorite here has GOT to be the Outland Count (massively fond of his face, his moustache, and his dog), with Flowdia and Persephone as runner ups.

Last group here, being a variety of characters that act as alternatives or support for some of the other ones. This also has spoilers for Etrian Odyssey 3 (the thing being spoiled is discovered after you beat the second Stratum but still).

Visil is a character you'll occasionally see during tbe story of EO1, Quona is Hannah's daughter who will sometimes greet you at the inn instead of or in addition to her mother, Gradriel is someone you'll see a bit throughout EO2's story, Gutrune is the Princess of Armoroad whom you'll see and/or hear about throuought EO3's story, Seyfreid is the Abyssal King whom you'll speak with and get Subclasses from in the Deep City of EO3, Napier's Sister (who, unfortunately, seems to have no confirmed name) runs the shop of the Deep City in EO3, Angie (who I would presume isn't the same one from EO2 but is based on the same Trauma Team character? I think?) runs the inn of EO3's Deep City, and finally, Yobo is Traoré's brother in Etrian Mystery Dungeon 2, and I...think he assists Mukkoran in giving out quests?...Him being a recolor is pretty lame, tbh.

My favorite here is probably Visil, with Napier's Sister and Seyfreid as runner ups.

HOO! THERE WE GO! Hope you guys liked this little trip down memory lane I guess, ha. I love many of these characters, and if and when EO6 happens I can't wait to see who it introduces that'll enter my heart just like many of these have!

[greenerteacups]

Hello! I wanted to let you know how amazing your fic is, it seems my life now revolves around Friday mornings. I think it may be one of my favorite series ever, not just fics, your stuff is better than most published works I have read. I really could go on and on. Suffice to say, thank you x1 million for just putting this out there for us.

I had a couple curiosities! Is it ever hard to restrain yourself and just post 1 time per week? Or is that necessary for your creative process?

Also, your fic is rapidly growing in popularity, do you ever get worried about how that might change your audience?

Thank you again for the amazing thing you've written, I feel super lucky to be reading it in real time because I know this is going to be one of those legendary classics.

Thank you so much! You're wonderfully kind, I really appreciate it, and I hope I can live up to your expectations!

Weekly posting: Posting once a week is actually something I started for my own sanity — posting it regularly/serially is better for audience response, so there's a natural incentive to do it, but it also gives me more time to write ahead. And having all of a book prewritten in advance is really important for me creatively, not only so as to avoid the possibility of cliffhangers, but also to feel immune from the pressure to change the story based on what audiences want.

Growing audiences: Oof, it's been wild. I've been sort of boggled by the response to my little fic; it was entirely unexpected and the most I can do is work hard to deserve it. For the most part, an increasing audience has been a wonderful, wonderful thing, and I've been so grateful for everyone who's been offering support and praise. I'm seriously insanely lucky. My only point of frustration is that, in general, as a fic grows, readers seem to perceive increasing distance between themselves and the author. For instance, people in my comments have increasingly started to address each other instead of me, or have left comments seemingly without the expectation that I'll read them. But when someone comments on the fic, they're still sending that message directly to the author, and I think that some people might... well, they either don't know that, or they don't care. Like, the audience/author distance might be greater than it is for a fic with only 300 hits, but it's not like I'm a showrunner, or some other media production bigwig who'll probably never see 99% of the feedback generated by fans; it's still my pet project that I read basically every scrap of feedback for.

And sometimes (rarely — most of my comments are just so wonderful, and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but) people do say weird or unnecessary things. One comment for the last chapter read, "if krum dies im gonna drop this fic ngl," and that just irritated the hell out of me. Like, if that's your opinion, cool. Your reading habits are none of my business, and I sincerely encourage everyone who needs to take a break from Lionheart — or, hell, even loses interest — to go find something that sparks joy instead. Reading fic should bring you pleasure. No hard feelings, swear to God.

But my frustration with that comment, in particular, was: you do realize that you've sent that message directly to my inbox, right? You realize that was the first thing I read when I opened my comments section after a long afternoon of writing? Someone directly informing me, the author, that a narrative decision (which, either way, I already made about 4-5 months ago) will lose me a reader? And how does this person expect me to react? "Oh, no! I have to go back and rewrite 90,000 words of the story — God forbid I lose you, Single AO3 User Who Left No Other Comments! How can I live with myself if you're not here??"

It's just a bit frustrating. And, to the point — I say this politely, with respect — but if you seriously can't handle seeing characters die, then maybe don't read the fanfiction that's rewriting a series where very many characters die. Just a thought.