#every reference to this show makes me the happiest I’ve ever been and I’m convinced I’m the only fan who cares ❄️

[overbearingstruggles]

LA 10/11/23

[landinoandco]

Our Love is a Game

Lando Norris x Reader

Request from @jamieeboulos

Warnings: pinch of fluff, cute ending because they are the best

Word count: 2.7 k

Requests are open :)

It all started with a phone number, an innocent exchange that would subsequently change the world you knew; mostly for the better. When you had met Lando, as far as you were concerned you had just met a 21 year old who lived in London and had a passion for cars. How wrong you were. It was only when things started to get serious that he sat you down and explained everything that came with being a formula one driver; more importantly the fandom that he was involved in. 

You had always been a private person and admittedly this piece of information almost broke your relationship but after some time to think you had decided that he was worth it all. You both decided it was a better idea to keep your relationship as quiet as possible - you took every precaution to make sure you stayed a stranger to the fans.

For the past 2 years, you thought you had managed to stay clear of the cameras, the photos and the twitch streams but it wasn’t until a fan-made compilation caused your world to spiral out of control. 

You and Lando were out for a run, it was a part of your morning routine - a great way to start the day and it was time that you two could escape the motor sport world and act like a normal couple without worrying about who might be watching. It was time you both valued and appreciated. On this particular morning, Lando had decided to add to his Instagram story, a short video of his morning adventures - the mist still hanging around the trees as you ran under a heavily graffitied bridge, the early birds song chirping animatedly. At the time you didn’t think much of it as you were too busy tying your hair back up to notice. 

It wasn’t until you got home and looked at his story that your heart stopped, rushing over to the kitchen island you placed your phone down and ran your fingers through your hair. It was a blink and you’ll miss it moment but in the corner of his video - the last millisecond before it ended - there was a flash of a purple top (the purple top you had been wearing) and a swish of brown hair as you chucked it back up into a ponytail. 

“Lando.” You called out, trying to keep your voice as calm as you could. You didn’t know why it had affected you so much - or why you were so desperate to keep your identity a secret. It wasn’t like you wanted to hide your relationship; you were the happiest you ever had been, everyday was exciting and offered new prospects - it was more that you were so used to being in this bubble with Lando, the idea of it bursting seemed rather unappealing. Usually you didn’t care for how others saw you but seeing some of the words that people used to describe him, it would be enough to trouble even the thickest of skins. 

Lando’s close proximity broke your thoughts as he stared down at your phone, pausing on the flash of brown and purple. “I am so sorry, love.” He almost whispered, his eyes widening at his carelessness. He picked your phone up to take a closer look. 

“It will be alright, won’t it? I mean, it’s a blink and you’ll miss it.” You had said, more to reassure yourself than Lando. He didn’t answer, anxiety building in the pit of his stomach because he knew exactly what he had started. 

The fan-made compilation didn’t go viral until a few hours later - as it turns out that flash of purple was the perfect cherry on top of an unappetising cake. Lando was sat on stream - not that this was out of the ordinary and Max had decided to join him, leaving you alone to rewatch Friends for the umpteenth time. 

The pair were sat reacting to videos on YouTube when a clip of a seal swimming into a shoal of fish started playing - the amusing part was that they kept quickly dispersing away from the seal in question. Unsurprisingly, they laughed and Lando spluttered: “This is me trying to find a girlfriend.” What the fans didn’t know was the apparent irony of that sentence and this was what caused the major meltdown; whilst Lando and Max were busy crying with laughter - that chat had filled up with the same link and references to the video you would be redirected through. 

Max was the first to stop laughing, tapping Lando on the shoulder as he pointed at the chat. Hundreds of the same message filled the screen: “That’s not what this compilation shows.” “Lando, what are you hiding from us?” “Lando and Max laughing knowing very well he has a girlfriend.” 

“Chat what on earth are you waffling on about.” Max chuckled uneasily, looking at Lando out of the corner of his eye. Lando sat with a forced smile, his nostrils flaring as he continued through the comments. He could only let out a tense laugh as he swallowed thickly - his throat feeling suddenly dry. You were still sitting, completely engrossed and unaware that Lando Norris was now trending on twitter. 

Max had come up with an excuse to end the stream not long after, Lando uncharacteristically quiet. His thoughts were with you in the other room, had you seen it? Did you know? How would you react? He felt as though he had lost all control, like he had failed you entirely - all he wanted to do was protect you yet he was the one to screw it up. 

“Hey,” Max nudged his shoulder, “It was bound to happen at some point. Let’s go and see if she’s seen it - if not then -” He took a deep breath, “We will watch it together. We need to know what we are working with here.” Lando nodded, unable to reply, his body went into automatic pilot mode and too quickly he was standing facing you. 

Pausing the tv, you looked at Lando - his jaw tightened and facial expressions set as though he had just seen a ghost. “Is everything ok?” You asked apprehensively. 

“There’s something you need to see.” Max reached for his phone, pushing Lando onto the sofa. You offered your arm to Lando, pulling him into a hug. Max pulled up the video and pressed play. A tense atmosphere held the room hostage - breath restricted and gazes fixed onto the tiny screen in front of you. 

It started with a clip from this year’s Goodwood - Lando preparing to drive his last hill climb - you remembered it well, a McLaren hat placed on your head mainly to cover your identity; knowing that there would be more than a few fans around. The clip moved to 3 separate stills - all of you in your McLaren hat. One with your back to the camera, you hand placed around Lando’s waist, the other two a side profile as you spoke to Max. 

The reaction was immediate, you slapped your hand to your mouth, Lando looked horror-struck and Max was watching you carefully. 

The video moved on, this time a clip from the quadrant video where Niran trains like Lando for 24 hours - Lando and Niran were in the kitchen preparing to eat their breakfast when once again the video moved to stills. This time they were of your reflection in the oven - holding the camera. You had thought at the time, if you were behind the camera it would stop every chance of you accidentally being caught on camera. Apparently not. 

The video had moved on again, this time to stills of Lando arriving on track - of course there was no way for you to get on track without being photographed and you were fine with that because you would just arrive after Lando either with Jon or Charlotte. Photos of you arriving with Jon and Charlotte flashed up - with them you were just another member of staff but put with those other stills and it really did yell out that you and Lando were romantically involved. Finally the flash of purple from Lando’s story. The game was up. 

“Oh my-” You stuttered as the video came to an end. Fortunately your Instagram hadn’t been shown but judged by how skilled you knew the fans to be - it would only be a matter of time. “I feel sick.” You admitted, wiping your hands across your face. Lando still hadn’t said a word, staring blankly at the floor. Max was the first to come up with something logical, turning to you and Lando. 

“It will blow over.” He started, “The fans will soon lose interest and move onto the next big headline. We just need to ignore anything we see regarding the subject.” He moved his attention to you. “Maybe avoid social media for a few days. Let everyone cool down -” Sensing your means to interrupt, he held his hand up. “I know you shouldn’t have to and I know none of this is fair but unfortunately people have no boundaries and believe because it’s on social media it is their business. If they were in our situation, I’m pretty sure they would be the first to complain. Let’s just go along with it for now. It will give you time to think about what to do next.” 

Lando cleared his throat, pulling you closer into him. “I’ve failed you. All I wanted to do was protect you.” At this, Max got up and left. 

Shaking your head, you pressed your lips to his forehead. “You could never. Think about how long we kept it secret for. Besides, until we announce or admit anything - it isn’t confirmed.” You offered, trying to soothe his worries. He nodded, still not convinced. 

“Our love is like a game and it’s not a game I enjoy playing.” He croaked, lacing your fingers together. 

“I know, Lando, I know. Let’s let everything calm down and then we can think about what our next step is.” 

Weeks later and it was the night before you were due to leave for your summer holiday. You would be spending it with Lando and some of his friends and family. Due to the current pandemic, it had been so long since you had been away - even if it was a bigger group of you going; you were still looking forward to spending that quality time with Lando. 

Max had decided to take himself and Tom off to the streaming room - leaving you and Lando to sort out the remaining items you needed for your time away. 

“I have a present for you.” He said suddenly, his hands behind his back. You beamed, taking a step closer to him. He shook his head, “If you want it - “ He pointed at his lips. 

Rolling your eyes, you pecked his lips then held out your hands like a child. Lando chuckled, “Close your eyes.” Hands still outstretched and eyes closed, you waited for Lando to present you with your surprise. He grasped your left wrist and attached something to it - “No peeking.” He added. A moment or two later, he dropped his hold of your wrist and said: “You can open them now.” You could hear the smile on his lips. You opened your eyes and looked straight to your wrist - he had given you a pink watch. You furrowed your eyebrows and looked up at him, his eyes twinkled as he then pointed to the orange watch on his wrist. 

“Watches?” You asked, confusion laced your tone. 

Nodding, he said, “We all have matching watches but in different colours - they are for our holiday away.” 

You gave him a lopsided grin and wrapped your arms around his neck, “I love it. Thank you.” 

In the streaming room, Max was having to ignore the majority of the comments because they were all asking the same thing: “Who was the girl from the compilation.” He was trying his hardest to keep moving off the topic, instead showing off the watches - it had been his idea, blue for him, orange for Lando, a child’s watch for Tom and a pink watch for you. He had listed off all of the colours and said who they belonged to: “And then pink-” He paused, mentally face palming. He looked over to Tom for assistance - he hadn’t meant to say pink at all. “And pink is for someone.” He cursed his poor excuse but as if by magic - Lando walked through the door. 

Distracting the stream from his slip up. 

Croatia was a dream come true, the hot summer sun on your back and the time to just relax and recharge. Days spent with Lando sunbathing on the boat or stuck in a tense game of Uno. Not being the only female was brilliant as well - as they got to go off and not feel guilty about leaving you on your own. 

Currently, you and Lando were standing in each other's arms - the afternoon drawing into the evening as the sun began to set. You had your arms around his neck and his arms were around your waist, sighing contentedly you broke the silence: “This is nice.” He pressed his lips into your hair, a sign that he agreed with your statement. In that moment, it was just you and him - everyone seemed to disappear from around you and all worries vanished. It was the simple yet affectionate moments that had always meant the most to you. You felt as though you could relax every muscle in your body, listening to his steady heartbeat - you wished for this moment to never end, to forever be in his arms and to not worry about who sees you there. 

Ever since that compilation had been made, the thought had been on your mind a lot. Were you ready to go public with Lando? At the end of the day you were both happy and surely that was the most important thing. 

Later that night, you were sitting eating your meal when a phone was handed to you, displayed on it was a picture of you and Lando - in each other’s arms. 

Instantly you knew what this meant, looking at Lando you were met with the same expression. He did as well. 

You and Lando had decided it was time to announce your relationship, there was no point sneaking around anymore if people knew and were looking out for you. You had agreed that the best way to do it was if you joined him in a stream, that way they got to know you a bit more for who you were. 

“Is it ok to feel as nervous as I am?” You asked him, pulling up a chair beside him. He was setting up the stream, two mugs of tea placed in front of you. It seemed completely unnatural to sit facing the camera. 

“I mean, this is kind of a big deal so yes I would say, it’s completely natural for you to feel nervous.” He reached for your hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it. Nodding, you took a deep breath. 

“Ok. I’m ready.” You said, your heart beating at a million miles an hour. The corners of his lips turned up, leaning in to leave you a kiss on the lips. 

“I love you and I’m so proud of you.” He admitted quietly, as though you were the only person in the world, his eyes flickered with complete adoration. 

“I love you too. Now, shall we start it?” 

Lando went to press the start stream button but paused. He turned back to face you, his eyes wide and offered an apologetic smile. 

“What did you do?” You asked, a smile toying at your lips as you had an idea of what it might have been. 

“Stream, meet my girlfriend.” 

He had already started it...

[svnflowervol666]

Ma Petite Chérie: Christmas Then (Harry Styles x fem!Reader)

Read more from this little universe, Ma Petite Chérie, in my masterlist!

Word Count: 6k

Summary: It’s the happiest time of the year, but it couldn’t be more miserable for Harry and Y/N.

Author’s Note: Reupload because it wasn’t working in the tags! Here is the first of two Christmas bits for Harry, Y/N and Tallulah! I’ve told you all that I planned on writing about Harry and Y/N breaking up early on in their relationship, so I decided to add a little Christmas spirit into the mix in honor of the season. I promise, the next part isn’t this sad. I always feel like I’m not that great at writing angst, mostly because it hurts my heart too much, but I hope I did this story enough justice. Feedback is greatly appreciated, it helps to keep me going and to write things that you guys actually want to read. Any who, enjoy! The next part will be up by the end of the month. Take care and TPWK.

Harry had never thought that a night out with his colleagues would cost him his world. It was supposed to be a celebration of another successful year at his job, nothing more. It was supposed to be dinner, a few rounds of whiskey with his team, and an early night back to the two girls he loved the most who waited impatiently for his return. It wasn’t supposed to be a trip to the club, where the bass in the speakers replaced Harry’s own heartbeat and made his mind temporarily forget where his priorities lied. He thought that he’d only be there long enough to not seem like an uptight asshole that didn’t care to have any fun, but alas. Harry can be quite the pushover, and quickly slipped into that inedbriated state that often persuades you to do things you know you shouldn’t.

Harry had certainly thought wrong.

Y/N, on the other hand, was only supposed to be gone long enough to clear her head. Steam was practically billowing out of her at lightspeed the night this all happened. It would later be referred to as “The-Incident-That-We-Don’t-Speak-About-Because-It’s-Painful-Too-Even-Think-About” in the future, but right now, it consumed her. Every little detail of that night and the argument that followed haunted her like a reoccurring bad dream that she couldn’t shake. The way he smelled like cigarettes from keeping his coworkers company on the club’s smoking patio, the way his eyes were glassy from one (or two) ((or three)) too many shots of tequila, the way he yelled at her. She had assured him that all she needed was time to think, and then she’d be back to talk. At the time, she had told him that she quite frankly didn’t want to even be in the same postal code as him, so she left. All that was in the duffle bag she packed in four minutes flat was her toothbrush, face wash, and enough clothes to get her through the weekend while she cooled off at her friend’s apartment.

She didn’t plan on being gone for sixteen days.

A lot had occurred to her in her time away from Harry. One, was that this was the first time they had fought. Ever. She’d always wondered if her time with Harry would ever stop feeling like a fairytale that only existed in novels and storybooks. Everything about the two of them was picture-perfect from its conception, and had somehow only gotten sweeter as the years had passed. She firmly believed that they weren’t like everybody else, those that put on a charade around others, but were unbearably miserable in private. She had started to think that maybe it was supernatural, the way that they fit together so perfectly that she thought no one else on the planet could make her feel the way Harry does, perfectly complete and peaceful. But it was turning out to be as simple as the age-old saying, life is not always rainbows and butterflies.

Two, was this really what Y/N wanted? She didn’t give it a second thought when it came to Harry having a child, quickly stepping into the role of being someone important in Tallulah’s life. And Harry let her, too. As cautious as he is about who he involves his daughter with, it was almost scary the way he let her in and allowed her to love and care for her. Yes, scary. Scary, because children are permanent and they are hard work and they include making sacrifices that sometimes don’t seem fair. So, Y/N had been asking herself if this was where she saw herself staying, as she had too big of a heart to become such an important character in Tallulah’s life to decide somewhere down the line that she suddenly didn’t want to be tied down anymore. It wasn’t fair to the poor girl, just a measly four years old, to have to go through losing someone that had promised to love her forever. Twice.

Deep down, she knew that this, Harry’s modest yet still lavish home with a pastel yellow door and vegetable garden out back that was often littered with dolls and abandoned sun hats from the cutest little thing that Y/N had ever seen, was where she wanted to be. But this brought her to the third thing she had pondered whilst she rotted on her friend’s uncomfortable sofa at 2 a.m. as she’d waited for her melatonin supplements to enter her system and send her off into a subdued state.

Could she ever forgive him for what he said?

//

It was just one week before Christmas. Harry texted her at least once everyday, Y/N only replying to the ones when he’d asked her if she was ready to talk, to which she’d tell him that she wasn’t, and that she promised she’d tell him when she was. Part of her stayed away from him for so long because she feared that somehow, deep down, the right thing to do was to stay away forever, and that was certainly going to be the worst day of her life. It would be for the better, Y/N thinks, if that is the case, but she’s trying very hard not to think about that being the endgame for her and Harry. Hence the inner turmoil that’s consuming Y/N’s body whole.

Sarah had promised her that Harry wasn’t coming. They sided with her on this one, she’d said, thus rescinding his invitation to her and Mitch’s annual holiday party. It felt somewhat wrong to be going to see Harry’s friends without him, especially given the fact that they’d more or less been split up for the past two weeks. But as much as they were Harry’s friends, they were also hers too. Harry really knew how to pick the ones he held closest - they were good people. He knows how to chose them because Harry is also a good person and Y/N knows this, and that makes it all the more painful when she pulls into the car park designated for guests of the condominium where Mitch and Sarah lived.

They’d seemed a bit off when they welcomed her into the sizey flat with the small, wrapped gift she’d brought for their exchange, but Y/N dismisses their seemingly rehearsed greetings as pity. Although the last thing she wants is to talk about Harry, she finds their condolences and overall presence soothing. She hadn’t seen much aside from her friend that she’d been staying with and her overweight, powder white cat these days, so human interracton in any capacity was refreshing.

Until it wasn’t.

The longer she stood in the circle of the others that came to the party, mindlessly nodding along to whatever was being said but not actually paying any attention, the longer she was left to sit with her thoughts. She remembers the three other times she’d come to Mitch and Sarah’s for this exact party, and how warm and loved she felt. Right now, all she feels is the cold radiating off of the sliding glass door that she’s leaning on and loneliness. To Y/N, it almost felt like everyone in the room knew what had happened to her and Harry. Like they were trying too hard to be cordial with her because they saw her as the girl that Harry yelled terrible things at and did terrible things too. It was overbearing and she had to get out before she exploded.

Finding aid in the very sliding glass door that chilled her to the bone, she wandered out on the patio to get away from the noise that was so loud yet so quiet at the same time. Tiny snowflakes coated the railing and the outdoor furniture, enough to illuminate her surroundings in an almost purple glow despite the time of night. If Tallulah were here, she’d convince Y/N to catch them on her tongue with her. Any other time, a thought like that would have made her smile, but right now it just made her sad. She wasn’t wearing a coat, yet she couldn’t find herself to care in this moment.

She wanted Harry. She wanted Harry there with her, whispering in her ear that Josie is full of herself and will say anything to get people’s attention and that he thinks they should ditch the party early so they can “warm each other up” at home. Despite the ache in her bones that wished for him, she couldn’t stop thinking about the last time she saw him.

~

“You’re lying.”

“Wha’ are you talkin’ about, Y/N?” he was swaying back and forth where he stood, clearly too drunk to keep his balance.

He almost sounded annoyed, but it was moreso because she’d interrupted his treck to the bedroom where his warm bed was waiting for him to ail his drunkenness and less because of her prodding.

“Clara was there, Harry. At the club. The one you forgot to tell me you were going to? She saw you. Talking to her. Any of that ring a bell?”

She made sure not to raise her voice in fear of waking up the toddler that had fallen asleep on the sofa waiting for her dad to come home so she could show him the ornaments she’d made with Y/N while he was gone, but he hadn’t come home when he’d promised her. Y/N wasn’t trying to fight, just get some answers. Yet here Harry stood, in their bathroom, lying to her face.

“Okay. So she was there ‘n we talked. We work for the same people. You’re not tellin’ me your mad that I talked t’ her about work, are yeh? Talked t’ her about work at a work party?”

“I’m not stupid, Harry. Stop doing that.”

Harry huffed in annoyance, as if her mere presence was beginning to cause his disdain.

“Then stop actin’ like it was somethin’ that it wasn’t. Swear t’ you. She came up to me, asked how Lulah had been, we talked about work for a second, and that was it. Fuck, even told her about you for christ’s sake.”

“I couldn’t care less that you talked to her, Harry. It’s the fact that you didn’t tell me you’d be out later than you said, went to a club, talked to her, the girl that broke your fucking heart, and I found out from a friend. And when I asked you about it, you lied. Do you see how fucking bad that looks?”

“Why don’t yeh ask Clara what she saw, hmm? Since you’re so keen on taking her word for it. She’s gonna tell you that nothing. Happened. I’m truly sorry I didn’t tell yeh I’d be out late. Didn’t think I’d be gone that long and just got carried away.”

Y/N was fighting tears now. He was talking in circles, unwilling to see her side and acknowledge that he’d done wrong.

“That’s what you’ve been saying for the past month, Harry. You’re always getting carried away with work and leaving me to take care of her. I can’t tell you how many times Tallulah’s asked why you’re always missing dinner and why you don’t go take her to her ice skating lessons or help her wash her hair anymore. She misses you. So do I. And then you go and do this. I know you’re busy this time of year but I also know you’re doing more than you’re being asked of, so don’t pull that shit with me. Would it kill you to come home every now and then and at least eat some pasta with your fucking daughter?”

Harry’s brows were furrowed together, eyes dark and half-shut in what was the beginning of a drunken rage. For a split second, Y/N saw a flicker of sadness within the deep green of his irises, but it disappeared as quickly as it came.

“Yeh say that like she’s a burden. ‘S that it? You’re mad that you have t’ babysit?”

“Harry,” Y/N warned him.

He was treading territory that would be hard to back away from once he took the first step.

“What? If it was that big of a fuckin’ deal, you could have told me that you don’t like keeping after her.”

“Jesus, it’s not!”

She was yelling now, unable to keep her emotions from getting the best of her. She looked after Tallulah like she was the one that had given birth to the four year old that slept peacefully on the couch, cuddling her stuffed elephant in place of her father.

“You know that I love her and that I’d do anything for her, but it’s different when you leave me alone with her all of the time. She needs you, Har. More than she needs me, and you’re acting like your job is more important than her. You have to be there for her, Harry.”

A nasty scoff left Harry’s chest that would haunt Y/N forever. She’d never forget what he said next.

“Right. Thanks for the parenting tip. Last time I checked you weren’t her fucking mu-”

~

“Yeh gonna freeze t’ death out here, ya know?”

The same voice that plagued her head pulled her out of reliving the events that landed her here, on a snow-covered patio, just as the first of what she knew were going to be many tears rolled down her face.

Y/N whipped her head around, frowning when she realized that Sarah and Mitch had lied to her and that they definitely had invited both of them to the Christmas party.

“Should have known those two were up to something,” was all she replied, quickly swiping the single, stray tear that stung her cheek as it touched the cold air.

“Jesus, you’re shivering. Here,” Harry began shrugging off his coat, ready to offer it to Y/N to keep her from catching pnuemonia.

She hadn’t realized just how cold she was. Her lips felt like they were going to crack at any moment, and she was almost certain it would take upwards of an hour for her to feel her toes again.

“Harry-” Y/N started, her voice sounding soft and defeated.

“Please don’t be stupid, Y/N. You’re gonna get sick.”

He spoke to her in the way that he would Tallulah when she refused to let him brush her hair after a bath, sternly insisting that she’d wake up with painful knots in her head if she didn’t let him run a comb through it. There was something comforting about it, but also something so incredibly sad about it all at the same time.

Reluctantly and without looking him directly in the eyes, she took the long, fur-lined coat from his hands, almost flinching when she accidentally touched pinkies with him. The coat was well-loved, ridden with his scent and most likely permanently stained with a little bit of spit up from when Tallulah was a baby. It smelled like home, Y/N thought.

There was a long pause between them, neither knowing what to say or where to even start. Y/N found herself missing Harry even more now that he was standing right next to her, brawny arms leaning against the frozen railing.

“How’s Lulah?” she asked, able to find her voice amongst the anxiety prodding every inch of her body.

Harry nodded as if to say she was alright, then cleared his throat.

“Good. Misses you.”

He wanted to tell her that he missed her, too. A whole fucking lot. But he was trying to prolong having that conversation in fear that it wouldn’t end the way he’d planned it in his head and she’d walk away from him forever.

“She asks about you every day. ‘Bout when you’re comin’ home. Said she doesn’t like how quiet it is without your music playing in the kitchen.”

She was crying now. Fat, wet, silent tears in the opposite of Harry’s direction so he couldn’t see. She missed hearing Tallulah’s raspy voice asking her question after question about where eggs come from and why anyone would dare take away someone’s babies the way farmers do with mummy chickens.

“I know you’re not ready to talk,” Harry began.

“But do yeh think you could at least come home? It doesn’t feel right without you there.”

Y/N did what she could could manage the tears streaming down her face like a waterfall, hoping Harry would think her face was just cold as she aggressively rubbed her cheeks with her fists.

She was ready to give in, seeing him in person immediately shattering any bit of strength to stay away from him that she had left. Maybe she’d find some clarity if she stopped sleeping on a pull-out sofa that did absolutely nothing for her already-bad back and went back to where she’d lived for over a year with the two people she felt like she’d spent a lifetime loving.

Slowly, her eyes went to meet his. She saw how tired he looked, for lack of a better word. Even though it was dark, the light from the snow accentuated the deep circles under his eyes. His hair looked like it hadnt been washed in days, the way it used to look when Tallulah was a baby that cried at all hours of the night. His posture was, to be quite honest, shittier than it normally was. Y/N knows it hasn’t been that long since she’d been gone, but she could almost swear he looked skinnier than the last time she’d seen him, given that the hollows of his cheeks looked concave and scrawny.

Just as she parted her surely-blue lips, ready to tell him everything she’d wanted to tell him for the past two weeks, the ringing of Harry’s cell phone caused them both to jump.

“Fuck,” Harry muttered under his breath.

“’M sorry. It’s mum. She’s got Lulah. Give me just one second.”

His eyes were pleading, almost like he was silently begging her not to run off if that’s what she was thinking of doing. Y/N’s ears perked up at the mention of his mother. She wondered if she knew about any of this. Surely she did, as Harry tends to confide in her for just about everything.

She was trying not to be nosy, but it appeared that Anne was speaking quite loudly, so it was a bit hard for her not to. She couldn’t make out exactly what she was saying, but she did hear one word. It was clear as day, and she knew immediately that something was wrong.

Raspberries.

Y/N’s head whipped around in Harry’s direction, and she saw the way his face was void of all color and his chest had started to heave.

“That’s never happened before. Did you give her the antihistamine?....What’s she sayin’?....Jesus Christ, mum. You have to calm down. Just go ahead and take her. I’ll meet yeh there. They’ll probably just have t’ give her a shot or somethin’....Mum, it’s alright. You didn’t know. Just get her in the car, please. I’ll be there in twenty.”

Harry clicked his phone off and shoved it in his back pocket, a sense of urgency taking over him.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’ve got t-”

“What happened?”

Y/N was just as worried as Harry was, feeling sick to her stomach that something clearly awful had happened to her.

“Mum’s watching Rosie, too. Lulah got into the bag Gem packed for her and ate somethin’ with raspberries in it. Said her throat feels scratchy, which is-”

“That’s not normal,” Y/N stated, being keenly aware of how Tallulah only ever tends to break out in a slight rash every time she eats the bright pink fruit.

“Yeah,” Harry replied.

“Y/N, I have t’ go. But I really want to talk t’ you. You don’t have t’ say anything back. Just hear me out, yeah? Please don’t disappear on me again.”

She wasn’t listening to him, only worried about the little girl with too many allergies and a keen interest in anything sweet.

“Can I go with you?”

Her voice was quiet, as if she were afraid of Harry telling her that she wasn’t allowed to see his daughter. She knew it was his decision and that she had to respect it, but all she wanted to do was hold her tiny body in her arms and tell her how much she missed her and that she was going to be alright.

Harry stuttered a bit, clearly not expecting her to ask him such a thing. Part of him was happy that she was willingly offering to be near him, but he supposes it’s only got to do with her worry for his daughter.

“I, erm, uh, yeah. Of course. Let’s go. Mum’s taking her t’ the hospital over by her house.”

He ushered her back into the warm apartment and back out the front door towards his car. They couldn’t even be bothered to acknowledge the stares thrown their way.

//

The car ride was quiet. Harry had left the radio off during his drive to Mitch and Sarah’s, too busy rehearsing what he was going to say to Y/N if she actually let him talk to her. Y/N sat with her knees to her chest, but opted not to turn away from him. That was a good sign, Harry thought. The heat was on, but Y/N was still freezing. She supposes Harry was right about her getting sick.

“Could you drive a little faster?” Y/N asked after some time, fiddling with the cuff of her jeans.

“No,” Harry retorted.

“It’s snowing, Y/N. Don’t need all three of us t’ end up in the hospital.”

She had half the nerve to roll her eyes at him, but she knew he was right.

“Hey,” Harry called out to her.

He started to reach over the center console for her hand out of habit, but felt his heart sink into his stomach when he remembered the state of their relationship and slowly retracted it. He thought she didn’t notice, but she did.

“She’s gonna be fine. Mum said she wasn’t even crying. Probably just needs a few shots t’ make the swelling go down.”

Y/N nodded instead of responding, sinking further into the seat but keeping her eyes on the snowy road ahead of her.

Silence took over again as they trecked through the snow towards Tallulah, with tension so thick it felt suffocating. From the corner of her eye, she saw a pair of Tallulah’s winter gloves tucked into one of the cup holders and she wanted to cry again.

But instead of doing that, she laid her palm face-up on the console, waiting for Harry’s eyes to catch them. When they did, he hesitated, flickering between her hand and her face. She still wasn’t looking directly at him, but he knew she knew he was looking at her.

He tested her first, lying his hand next to hers, but not touching. She didn’t pull her hand away, and he swears when he looked down, he saw her hand inch towards his as if she were coaxing him. Harry thinks this might be the last time he gets to touch her if she decides that she can’t forgive him for what he said, so he goes for it.

He laces his fingers with hers, feeling an overwhelming sense of relief take over his head and his heart when he finally got to feel her skin against his after what felt like centuries. She doesn’t wrap her fingers around his like he did to hers, her hand still lying limp against the arm rest, but he’s okay with that.

It isn’t until they’re pulling into the hospital that Y/N gives Harry’s hand a squeeze.

They were getting there. At least Harry hoped.

//

Y/N is physically unable to keep herself from smiling when she hears Tallulah practically squeal her name the second she steps into the room she’d been given. Her voice was deeper than usual, most definitely due to the accident that landed her here in the first place. Tallulah all but jumped out of her bed to greet her with a hug, which Y/N accepted without a second thought as she wrapped her arms around the small girl and sat with her on the bed, most likely staining Harry’s coat with the emollient cream they’d coated her rash with at the hospital. As if that coat could take any more beatings.

Harry watched from the corner, feeling somewhat out of place for whatever reason. He knew he owed Y/N an apology for what he said to her that night, and at that moment he felt like he owed Tallulah one, too. How could he say those things to her? How could he let his arrogance get the best of him and ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to him?

Anne briefed him while Tallulah had her mini-reunion with Y/N, letting him know they’d given her a few shots and could go home as soon as the swelling in her throat had gone down. She wouldn’t stop apologizing to Harry for causing her grandbaby harm, but Harry assured her for the twentieth time that accidents happen and that it certainly could have been worse. Anne soon sensed the tension between Harry and who she hoped would be her daughter-in-law one day, and told Harry she’d better get going because she’d left Rosie with the neighbor. Her eyes urged Harry to fix this shit at all costs because she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and Harry was not one to disobey his mother.

“Are you coming home?” Harry heard Tallulah ask Y/N.

He locked eyes with her for a split-second.

“Yeah,” Y/N sighed.

Harry felt his heart jump as he was now paying extra attention to the woman holding his daughter like she was the most precious thing on earth.

“Gotta make sure you get tucked into bed alright.”

And then it sunk.

“Will you be there when I wake up?” Tallulah asked with eerily familiar green eyes peering up at Y/N from her lap.

This time it was her heart that sunk.

“I....don’t know, Lulah. We’ll see,” she whispered, feeling tears pool in her eyes once again.

Y/N hid her face in Tallulah’s hair, for fear that Harry would see her.

“How’s Carrot, hmm? ‘S he doing good?” Y/N blurts out in diversion, hoping Tallulah would be more interested in talking about the fish Y/N had won her at a carnival a few years ago than where she stood with her and Harry.

Tallulah talked her ear off, filling her in on everything she’d missed while she was gone. She tells Y/N that their kale plant in the garden was huge now, seemingly sprouting overnight. She also tells Y/N that Rosie can walk now, or at least can wobble a few steps before falling down on her bum.

Harry watches as Y/N pretends like everything Tallulah is telling her is the most interesting news she’s ever heard. That’s what parents do, and that’s exactly what Harry had shouted at Y/N that she wasn’t. He had fucked up in the worst way and only fate could tell him whether or not he’d be able to fix it.

It was Harry’s turn to cry now, pretending to rub exhaustion out of his eyes rather than tears. Much like earlier when he’d instinctively reached for her hand, he’d hoped she didn’t see it.

She did.

//

Y/N kept her promise to Tallulah and tucked her into bed after she was discharged and sent home with a steroid pack and rash cream. She willed away the wave of nausea she felt walking into the house she’d shared with Harry after all of this time, telling herself that she just needed to make sure Tallulah knew she was at least there to tuck her in. She took turns with Harry, each of them running their fingers through her curls and telling her to have sweet dreams and that they hoped she felt better in the morning. Tallulah insisted that she was fine and wanted to stay up and talk to Y/N about what she thought Santa was doing right now and if he was going to bring her the glittery nail polish that she’d asked him for, but the sleepiness in her eyes told a different story.

“Do you want me t’ call Sarah and have her take you back to your car?” Harry asked when they returned to the living room where they’d entered.

“Figured we ought to have that talk,” she said, unable to meet his eyes for the umpteenth time that night.

“Yeah,” Harry replied in a tone that almost sounds like relief.

“We can definitely do that.”

The pair find their way to the couch, sitting faced towards each other, but not touching. It’s awkward and it makes Y/N want to fall apart because this is her Harry and she’s in her own home, yet it didn’t quite feel it.

“You hurt my feelings,” is all she says, picking at a loose thread on the sofa.

“I know I did,” Harry began.

“I can’t take any of that back, but I want you t’ know how sorry I am, Y/N. None of that shit was true. I should have told you I was gonna be out late. Shouldn’t have even gone out with them, t’ be honest. I couldn’t even tell yeh why I lied when you asked if I saw her there. Just didn’t want you t’ get the wrong idea, I guess.”

“Harry, I already told you that I didn’t care that you-”

“I know yeh did,” Harry interjected, “But I want you t’ know that I’d never even think about doing something like that t’ you. You’re quite literally the best thing that’s ever happened t’ me. Sometimes I don’t even think you’re real. I wouldn’t have made it without you. Neither would Lulah. And that...”

He pauses, trying not to burst into tears right in front of her. Y/N sees his jaw tensing, something Tallulah does when she’s attempting to calm herself down after throwing a fit. She isn’t sure why, but she begins to feel at ease the longer he talks. Maybe it’s just hearing the sound of his voice after so long or maybe it’s because he’s telling her what she’s been wanting to hear, what she was once afraid that she’d never be able to.

“That shit I said about you not being Lulah’s mum. That’s a load. I know you know that. You are her mum, whether she knows that or not. I’m sure she does... I know she does. You’ve been there for everything. You never complain when it gets hard. Yeh could’ve been doing anything else besides helping my sorry ass take care of her, but you didn’t. ‘M not sure if I’m doin’ a good job of convincing you to stay, wouldn’t blame you if yeh didn’t want to, but I really hope that you do. If you don’t, I still want yeh t’ know that you’re her mum. You’ve done things for her that she doesn’t even realize. She loves you so much, Y/N. And so do I. You’re the love of my life. Always will be. I don’t think there’s anybody else out there that makes me feel the way you do. You’re it for me and I need you t’ know that.”

He’s blubbering now, not caring that she sees the salty streaks subconsciously flowing from his dark and gloomy eyes. He felt it coming. She was going to leave. She was going to finish packing tonight and walk out of his life and he wouldn’t get to spend the rest of his life showing her how much he loved her.

That’s when he feels a hand on his shoulder. It’s light, but it’s meant to be comforting.

“Can it be my turn now?” her voice laced with tears as well.

Clearly it was a night for crying.

Harry nods, because that’s all he can do.

“I was frustrated, that night. I don’t think I should have made as big of deal out of you staying out so la-”

“No. You should have. I was being an ars-”

“Harry,” she pleads, “Let me finish, please.”

He lets out a shaky, “Okay,” and she continues.

“It’s not a big deal when you go out with your friends. You’ve just been so....absent lately and that was what set me off. When Clara called me that night it was just so, embarrassing I guess? I didn’t know what to say to her, and it obviously didn’t look good. But I know you wouldn’t do that to me. You’re a good person and a good dad, Harry. I hope you know that, even if you don’t feel like it right now. And the Lulah thing...that hurt. A lot. I know you’re stubborn and hate admitting that you’re wrong, so I’m going to let that speak for itself, but I’ve never once regretted anything that I’ve done with you two. I knew it would be different being with you, but I’ve never thought of any of this as a sacrifice or a burden. You guys make me so happy. I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much of a privilege this has felt like to me, to be able to watch her grow up and be a part of it. She is the most magical thing that’s ever happened to me. And so are you.”

Harry’s staring at her, still crying, sillhouette lit up by the lights on the Christmas tree behind her that’s decorated with the ornaments she made with his daughter on that dreadful night. He doesn’t want to hurt Lulah’s feelings, but he makes a mental note to throw them away the second he’s able to so he doesn’t have to think about this ever again.

“I love you, Harry. Please don’t ever lie to me again. Even if it’s about how many minutes you are away from the grocery store. I can’t take it. And I can’t stand to feel so far away from you like this. It’s....gross. And I hate it.”

He perks up at what she’s just said, wondering if she’s saying what he thinks she’s saying.

“You’re staying?” he sounds hoarse and both him and Y/N know he’ll wake up in the morning with a headache from how much he’d been crying.

“Don’t think I have it in me to leave, bubs.”

There’s the slightest hint of a smile on her lips, and Harry’s pulling her into his chest. She holds him as he weeps silently into her neck. The cloud of sadness that had held her captive like a nightmare rushed out of her body so quickly that she couldn’t quite process it. All she felt now were Harry’s arms holding her close and his blubbering into her hair about how he was sorry over and over again.

“I know you are,” Y/N cooed, scratching his scalp in the way that she knew calmed him down.

“‘M gonna keep sayin’ it until you believe me,” he whimpered.

“I do believe you, Harry. I promise. We’re gonna be alright.”

That seemed to steady him a bit as he collected himself. He still held her as his shaking breaths began to even out. He wouldn’t dream of letting her go ever again.

“We’re gonna be alright,” Harry repeated to her, his voice almost inaudible had Y/N not been as close to him as she possibly could have been.

She pulls back to brush the stray curls from his forehead, where she pressed her lips gently to his temple as if he was so delicate that he might shatter if she used anymore force.

This time it was Y/N that saw his face surrounded by the multi-colored lights strung around the fir tree they’d picked from the farm just days before they thought their world was ending. He was beautiful, from the crown of his hair to the tips of his toes, inside and out, she thought. Maybe he didn’t feel like it at the moment, but Y/N made a promise to herself that she’d spend the rest of her life proving to him that he was.

[kaito-is-baby]

Um, can I have the sdr2 boys (if it's not too much) with an s/o that thinks they may be cheating, but they're actually trying to propose? Like they're busy all the time. Hopefully this isn't too much for you, I know you do dr1 a lot. You're one of my favorite imagine writers!

Awww Thank you so so much!!! I do DR1 a lot but I also love my DR2 and DRV3 babies so don't be afraid to request them. Okay, let's go to the imagine

I made Kazuichi, Fiyuhiko and Komaeda so so long so the rest are a little bit simple but I still find them cute, sorry for that

SDR2 BOYS PROPOSING TO THEIR S/O WHO THINKS THEY ARE CHEATING

Hajime Hinata

•He's been really distant lately

•Sneaking out whenever someone calls him

•Making up excuses to not assist to your dates...

•You don't want to think about it but you do

•It really seems like he is cheating

•And you are very sad now

•He tries to convince you to go with him to the beach

•On a date!

•You don't really want to go but you accept and try to talk to him about it

•"Hajime... is there something you are hiding me?"

•"What? No, not at all"

•You choose to trust him and forget about the issue

•Even if you are a little tense

•When nights falls you want to make him a little surprise and go tot he sand to write I love you on it

•And as you walk backwards you crash against something

•You turn around and it's your boyfriend

•In one knee and showing you a ring

•Oh, and you really though he was cheating on you

•He would never! He loves you enough to ask you to spend all your life with him!

•He gives you a long speech about all you two have been through

•And you can't really focus on it because you are too excited

•"S/O I love you, truly and forever, will you marry me?"

•You don't give him any answer, you just jump onto his arms and no words are needed

Nagito Komaeda

•He tried, he really tried so hard to make it cute

•But you know how his luck works

•The first thing he tried was to buy your favourite book and hide a ring on it

•As a reference for that love for books you two shared

•He took you out to a very fancy restaurant

•And you two had a great night

•And then he wanted to give you a gift, the book

•You opened it and no special reaction was given

•Of course you liked it but it wasn’t the reaction he expected

•Well, of course, you didn't know he was proposing

•Because there was no ring at all, it was lost

•He understood it pretty fast and tried another thing

•He tried to propose at the lake after a romantic day on there you two alone

•But a fish ate the ring

•And he tried to propose with fireworks

•But he ended up a little burned

• You started to doubt him, you knew he was hiding you something and all of those weird dates didn’t help, you liked him beiing extra romantic but he had been busy all week and at the end of every single date he looked quite... dissapointed?

• You know Komaeda would never cheat on you, he adores you 

• But it looked like he was cheating definetly

•Luckily, before you went absolutely mad or he killed himself trying to propose, he gave up

•"Look, S/O, I've been trying, really but it looks like my luck isn't on our side for this" he gave you his usual tender smile that smile that made you feel calm whenever you saw it "I love you and all of the bad luck from this world is worth it if it means I can spend my life with you forever, I know it is selfish to want someone as great and hopeful as you all for me and even more if there is no ring-"

• Oh, god, he wasn’t cheating, he was trying to propose all along!

•You cut him with a passionate kiss before he starts degrading himself

•"I want to marry you, Komaeda, I want to marry you because you are the greatest person I've ever met and I don't care about your luck, the ring or whatever you think of yourself, I want to spend my life with you"

•And after a long long kiss Komaeda finally says something

•"Yeah, I am definetely the lucky student, that's how I managed to find someone like you"

Kazuichi Souda

• Kazuichi had been working on his repair shop all week

• And you hadn’t seen him a lot in the past month

• But what made you more anxious was the fact that he hadn’t told you about waat he was working in

• He would usually spend hours talking about his inventions

• And you adored to listen to him because he loked too happy while doing it

• But this time he was keeping it a secret

• And you were a little bothered

• You didn’t want to admit it because Kazuichi was the most caring and attent guy you had ever met

• And he loved you deeply

• But he was also easily distrated by other people

• You knew he would never cheat on you

• But sometimes you were specially sensitive about it if he had been delusioning too much lately

• And that along with the lack of communication issue made you paranoid

• But then Kazuichi called you and planned a date for the next day

• You had to go to his repair shop and so he would bring you somewhere

• You went to his repair shop the next day 

• And the wall was projecting something

• He was trying to fix a projector all this time?

• You see then what is being projected

• It shows all of your relationship

• How you two met, how he felt in love with you, your first dates, your first problems, the moment when you two started to be really in love with each other, the tragedy, the killing game... absolutely everything

• And when you were on the verge of tears the projector started to sho things that hadn’t happened 

• Yet

• Like you dressing for your edding, a big family house,, picures of you to on it

• Cookig, cuddling, playing videogames, talking about his machines... all with matching rings in both your hands

• Some kids maybe?

• And it ends with two elders you on that house, spending all your life together

• And when you turn around and finaly see him he is in one knee giving you a ring

• And you were thinking you had lost him... you had been such an idiot

• He doesn’t really propose because he just can’t talk

• And you can't either, being honest

• You finaly manage to spit out a “yes” between all of your tears

• And then he is hugging you

• With sucb strentgh yuo breath, he is just way too nervious

• Your poor boy is shaking and his heart razes at lighting speed

• And once he calms down he whispers lots of “thank you”s to your ear

• I mean, he is so thankful for having you on his life... expect a lot of spoiling for the next few weeks

Gundham Tanaka

• Let’s be honest you have always been a little jealous of Sonia

• They were always so... close

• And he had been spending his time in her bedroom more than usual

• Canceling your dates to go see her

• To the point when you started to think that his Devas were sleeping in Sonia’s bedroom

• And you were paranoid

• And that was too much

• You were about to lose it when the Devas came to your room

• Carrying a little box with them

• You took it in your hands and opened it 

• To find a beautiful, pure black ring 

• It was a rather scary ring, you could almost see hell inside it

• But that was your boyfriend style and you loved it!

• You knew what this meant

• He wasn’t cheating with Sonia, she was helping him and the Devas prepare all of this

• “S/O my dear” It was your boyfriend behind you “there is no one as powerful and valuable as you in this world, and having you by my side has made my power increase" He took your hand in his "would you be the spouse of Tanaka the forbidden?”

• “Yes, yes, yes, of course I will!”

• He kissed your hand before putting the ring in your finger

• “I swear I will make you the happiest person alive, my queen/king of darkness” 

Fuyuhiko Kuuzuryu

•He asks Peko for help

•And after all your little talks Fuyuhiko knows what he is going to do

•Peko isn't either but she is your friend and can ask you something discreetly to find put what would make you happy

•He isn't the best with this things

•On the next summer festival, during the fireworks he will ask you to marry him

•You said you used to love the fireworks as a child and that Fuyuhiko was always handsome on his yukata

•He was fully prepared to make your week amazing and romantic and end it with the fireworks and the proposition

•Well, you said more things but those were the most important for him

•And you weren't suspecting a thing thanks to Peko

•But then things went wrong

•The Kuzuryuu clan enemies attacked

•And he didn't want you to know

•And a lot of yakuza's business had place during the festival

•And he couldn't attend it with you

•He was mysterious, angrier than usual and failed you on the festival

•And you realized then that Peko had been covering him all this time but he had been very distant

•And then those thoughts about him cheating appeared

•Nah, he would never cheat

•He was too sweet to do it, right?

•RIGHT?

•Peko accompanied you all night long

•It was to keep you save but you thought it was to make you forget about your boyfriend abandoning you on your favourite festival

•When the fireworks ended and you arrived at home all that you wanted to do was cry on your bed

•But then Fuyuhiko was there

•With a little box of fireworks on his hands

•"I'm late, I know, but those fucking morons- I... It took me longer than I thought to fix some problems but I'm here"

•"Problems? What kind of problems?"

•"Yakuza's problems"

•"You should have told me"

•"I didn't want to ruin your night and... I brought fireworks"

•You would like to be angry but you imagined Fuyuhiko with all of his bad temper and anger issues searching for a place to buy fireworks just to cheer you up and you couldn't help but to smile and thanks the world for sending you this wholesome boy

•You went to kiss your boyfriend and watched his special fireworks together when he pulled out a little box of pants

•He was not only worrying about not worrying you and making you enjoy the festival, he was also trying to propose to you

•He was definitely the best boyfriend you could have asked for

•And now he was going to be your husband!!!

Nekomaru Nidai

•He was untraceable all the time

•You offered him to do something and he was too busy

•He wasn't even going to the gym

•Something was wrong here

•And you suspected the worse

•Some days passed by and he kept being ilocalizable and you kept overthinking it all

•Until he asked you to go on a walk with him

•A mountain walk of course because it is Nidai, remember?

•And when you were about to ask him if he didn't love you anymore he disappeared

•And the next thing you saw was a plane on the sky writting with its fume

•It said 'S/O will you marry me'

•And behind you your boyfriend arrived in paracaidas

•With a ring in a box in his hands

•Man, he'd put as many passion onto this as he did usually

•And he almost make you lose your head!

•You run to him and hugged him

•And he spinned you around in his arms

•"I will take that as a yes" he said with his characteristically loud laugh

•That laugh that you loved so much

•And now you would hear it FOREVER!!!

Teruteru Hanamura

•He takes you out to the best restaurant on town

•Your house

•With him as the cook your dinner room will be the best restaurant you had ever been to

•He tries to decorate it as romantic as possible

•But being him it looks more like an acenary from an... adult movie

•You called him and no responses

•But still when you arrive home you love it!

•He has been so distant lately

•And with his constant comments to the people around you it was easy for you to think he would cheat on you

•But no, he was planning this surprise right?

•Yeah, sure it was that

•Your boyfriend's dishes were spectacular

•But your favourite plate was the dessert without any doubt

•And no, Teruteru wasn't the dessert even if he joked about it

•It was a beautiful pink an white cake

•And inside of it a ring

•"S/O, I had never met somebody like you, in you I found another family and I want to be with you forever, will you marry me?"

•"Of course yes babe!!" Is the only thing you say before kissing him

Byakuya Twogami (ultimate imposter)

•They didn't really know how to propose to you

•They had never had nobody that loved them for who they were

•They never had nobody who knew them at all

•Except you

•And they wanted to spend the rest of their life with you

•But how? They dressed up as joyero to ask the costumers about their ideas

•But then you saw them and another person (who were just they digused) and started to think he was cheating on you

•You know where dies he gets all inspiration from

•You eventhough it so much that you decided to ask them once they were at home

•"Oh, S/O, baby" they laughed "I wanted to make it special but it will only make it worse" he se puso sober una rodilla and you already knew what he was doing

•And you were so so happy

•"Yeees!" You answered before they could even ask the question

•You just jump over them tirandola al suelo and hugging then

•You were so so very happy and so were them

[lynn-writes-things]

Good thing u reopened ❤. Since the new trailer i cant stop thinking about my big boy Wrecker...so you can do whatever (even a post war au-everybody lives with a bit of struggling) and u can get spicy if u want (im a big girl cant handle it...or him 👀) so i thought make a donation to request. If u need a prompt, a soulmate is one of my weakness....

Thank you so so so much for the donation!!! and the request, I had so much fun writing this!! I really really hope you enjoy this, and if not, let me know and I’ll redo it!! Thank you again!!!! <3

Word count: 2330

Warnings: nsfw at the end, mentions of sex, ptsd, nightmares, mentions of violence and injury

You’ll never forget the day it was announced that the war had ended. You’ll never forget the moment, you were waiting at your apartment for Wrecker, when you heard over the radio that the war had officially ended. Chancellor Palpatine had been exposed as a Sith Lord by none other than Fox, who had gotten a recording to the Jedi of Palpatine giving orders to Dooku- Dooku even referred to Palpatine as Lord Sidious, removing any trace of doubt. When Wrecker came through your door, you were already crying tears of happiness. You couldn’t believe it- you just couldn’t.

That night, Wrecker took you to 79’s to celebrate with the boys. It was where the two of you had met. Now that the war was over, he had a very important question to ask you, and he wanted his brothers to be there to experience it.

-

The air was cold, and your dress was entirely too short. You had been practically abandoned by your friends, who had convinced you to come out for a couple drinks. Admittedly, you felt foolish for thinking that they would’ve stuck around once they finally talked you out of your house. You had been so busy studying lately that you never got time to have any fun, and though they should’ve been having fun with you, they chose the company of a few clone troopers instead.

“Hey,” Came a voice from behind you. You turned, and came face to… chest, with the largest clone you’d ever met. “You look a little lost.” He commented with a kind smile. Only one of his eyes had an iris, and you found that it sparkled so radiantly that you couldn’t look away.

“Yeah, my friends sort of ditched me.” You said sheepishly.

“That’s not very nice of them,” He commented. “Want to grab a drink with me?”

“I—” You usually would say no, but you figured- fuck it, why not? He was cute, and seemed nice. What’s one drink? “Yeah, actually- I’d love that.” The two of you make your way to the bar, where you both sit and he orders you a drink.

“What’s in this?” You ask, sniffing the brightly colored beverage.

“It’s a surprise!” He laughed. “It’s nothing too heavy, trust me.”

“No offense, but I think we have drastically different perspectives on what is or isn’t a heavy drink.” You joke, and Wrecker belts out a laugh, just happy that you’re finally starting to relax. He couldn’t get over the way you looked- he wanted to take you back to meet his brothers, but he knew that it was way too soon for that sort of thing. He wanted to ask you to be his girlfriend on the spot, but again, he knew better. You try a sip of your drink, and you hum in appreciation for the sweet flavor of the beverage. It hardly tastes like alcohol at all.

“This is really good,” You comment.

“I told you!” He cheers, taking a swig of his own drink. “So, what happened with your friends?” He asks. You were sort of surprised that he remembered you even mentioned them. You had almost forgotten that you had mentioned them.

“Oh, they do this every time they get me out of the house,” You say with a sigh. “I don’t get it. They always want me to come out, but they never want to stick around me.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” He answers. “Who wouldn’t want to hang out with you?” He asks earnestly, and you can’t help but blush.

“You hardly know me.” You say with a lighthearted roll of your eyes.

“Well, I like what I know about you so far.” He smiles, and you can’t help but return it. “And I think you’re beautiful, so I don’t see who wouldn’t want to be around you.”

-

The bar was quiet tonight, unlike the night you first met. But that was okay. It meant for more privacy, which meant Hunter could actually breathe. He was the only one who knew what was going to be happening tonight, and he found that he could hardly stop smiling. He was just so excited and proud of his little brother. The first of them to get married was a big achievement, one that Crosshair would never be able to hold over his head. When you caught on to all of his smiling, Hunter just brushed it off by saying he was just happy that the war had finally ended. You had bought it.

“Hey,” Wrecker nudged you, you had him trapped in the booth. “Can I get out?”

“Yeah, ‘course.” You said, standing up. He did the same, only before you had the chance to sit back down, he dropped to one knee and pulled out the ring he had been holding onto for months now. He knew he wanted to propose to you for ages now, but he always just felt he had to wait for the right time. And, well, this felt like the right time.

“Y/N,” He starts, clearing his throat. Tech starts recording without your knowledge. “I’ve known you were meant to be mine from the first moment I saw you here, years ago.” He says. “I knew from the first time I looked into your eyes that you were the only one for me. You’re my soulmate, Y/N.” He’s tearing up, which is making both you and Hunter tear up as well. You had your hand over your mouth in shock. “Will you please make me the happiest man alive and please be my wife?”

“Yes!” You yelled, gaining the attention of every clone in the bar. “Yes, Wrecker- yes!” You’re crying now, and everyone in the bar cheers. Wrecker stands, and places the ring on your finger. You jump into his arms and kiss him as hard as you could. It was salty, the combined taste of both of your tears. The boys are all cheering the loudest, even Crosshair is smiling.

-

“Okay, okay, my turn,” You began, popping a fry into your mouth. You’d moved to a booth in the back, bonding over beers, shots, and fries. “Would you rather have sex with a Togruta or a Twi’lek?” You ask, alcohol swimming in your veins.

“Depends, which one’s hotter?” He asks, and you snort.

“They’re both pretty hot.”

“Are you there?”

“Why would I be there?” You laugh.

“Because if you’re there, I’m picking you regardless.” He promises with a wink.

“Okay, that was a good one.” You laugh, shaking your head. You couldn’t remember when you started holding hands across the table, but you were reminded by the warmth.

“My turn,” He states. “Would you rather fuck me or a reg?” He asks with a smrik.

“I don’t even know what a ‘reg’ is, but I’d definitely rather fuck you.” You answer, blinking with both eyes, causing both of you to burst out laughing. You laugh so hard that beer comes out of your nose, which makes Wrecker laugh so hard he’s pounding his fist on the table. When the two of you sober up, you agree to head back to your place for the night, with promises to show you why they call him Wrecker.

-

You wake up for the third night in a row to Wrecker yelling. He’s sitting up, covered in a layer of sweat. He’s horrified, again. It hurts you deeply that there isn’t more you can do to help him – he is your soulmate after all.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You ask gently, your arms around him.

“Tech,” Is all he says, and you know all of the details without him having to talk about them. He has had the same nightmare every night since the war had ended and he’d been away from his brothers.

In the dream, they were back on the battlefield, and it’s during a battle that doesn’t go to plan. It starts off fine, though it doesn’t stay fine for very long. Droids get airdropped in from every direction – faster than they can take them out – and they’re overwhelmed before they even know what’s going on. Tech gets captured, and by the time they all find him, he’s badly injured and barely alive. But, in the nightmare, Tech doesn’t make it, and Wrecker’s the one to find him. He blames himself.

“Do you want to call him?” You ask. “He might like to hear from you.”

“I… Yeah.” He says with a shaky sigh. You comm Tech, who’s still awake, and he and Wrecker talk for the better part of two hours while you cuddle up with Wrecker. You gently caress him and place gentle, soft kisses anywhere that you can reach. By the time he hangs up, you can tell Wrecker is feeling better.

“I wish there was more I do to help you, my love.” You say, kissing his cheek.

“You’re here for me,” He says. “That’s all I need from you.”

“Yeah, but…”

“I know.” He smiles softly. You kiss his lips now that he is no longer on the line with Tech, and he kisses back eagerly, passionately, trying to show you just how “okay” it was that you did everything you could to help him when he needed it. To show you how much he appreciates you taking care of him.

“I love you,” He sighs against your lips.

“I love you too,” You whisper against his. The kiss deepens, his tongue prodding for entrance, which you happily allow.

-

You don’t even end up fucking that night, you both agree that neither of you are sober enough to make that choice. But, you agree to spend the night together anyways, and see where things go in the morning. You can ride out your hangovers together.

You wake up first, to find the human equivalent of a heater curled around your body. You melt into his touch, and it’s the closest to heaven you think you’ve ever been. You wiggle out of his embrace, and promptly go throw up in the refresher, brushing your teeth afterwards and getting a glass of water. You down two pain killers with the water, and refill the cup, setting two more pain killers on the bedside table on Wrecker’s side, along with the refilled cup of water.

When he wakes up, you’re in the kitchen making caff, needing the caffeine.

“Morning, gorgeous.” He smiles at you. He barely even squints at the morning sun, and you’re reminded once more than being as large as he is must have it’s advantages.

“Morning, handsome.” You smile back, sipping your mug of caff. He walks over and places a soft kiss to your lips, humming at the taste of caff. “Want a cup?”

“I’d love some.” He smiles. You fix him a cup of caff, and you both sit and watch the morning news.

“So, about last night…” He begins, and you feel your heart sink with anxiety. “I really would like to get to know you better.”

“I… I’d like to get to know you better too, Wrecker.” You smile. “You seem like a really kind, funny guy.”

“I’ll be whatever you want me to be, angel.” He says.

“I want you to be yourself,” You laugh. “I like you quite a lot.”

“I like you, too.” He smiles. There’s a moment of silence between the two of you while Wrecker thinks of something – something you can’t read in his eye. “Will you be my girlfriend?” He asks at last. You beam at him.

“I’d love to be your girlfriend, Wrecker.” You answer happily.

­-

The kissing grows to him laying you on the bed and rutting against you, his lips never leaving yours. You breathe out that you want him, and Wrecker doesn’t hesitate to start fingering you, stretching you open with care. He knew he was bigger than most, and the last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt you – so he did this every single time the two of you had sex.

By the time his cock finally enters you, you’re keening, fucking yourself on his cock. He chuckles at your attempts, before finally giving you what you want. The most amazing part about fucking Wrecker is that he fills you up so perfectly, he manages to hit your g-spot and your cervix without even adjusting his angles – it just naturally happens. You’re convinced that he’s your soulmate, every detail proves it to you, even down to the size of his dick. He starts a slow and sensual pace, before the pleasure starts to get too much for him, and he can’t help but speed up. You’re a moaning mess, crying out in ecstasy with every thrust of his hips.

“Where?” He asks in a pant, and you don’t even need to hear the full question to know.

“Well, I was thinking,” You start, and his pace slows just a little so he can intently listen. “Since we’re engaged now…”

“I… Yeah? Really?!” He asks, sounding enthusiastic and in disbelief.

“Put a baby in me, Wreck.” You plead, and he groans. His big, calloused fingers find your clit, determined to make you come before he does. It doesn’t take long to send you spiraling over the edge, crying out his name as you came messily all over his perfect cock. Wrecker grunts animalistically as he comes inside you, not stopping until you’re filled to the brim with his seed. When he’s done, he stays sheathed inside of you, holding his come in you for several minutes before finally pulling out and laying beside you, pulling you close. You relax into his grip, still shaking from the aftershocks of your orgasm.

“You’re going to be such an amazing mom,” He says. “I’ll have so much fun making you one.”

“I love you, Wreck.” You say softly, nuzzling against his chest. “You’ll be an incredible father.”

“I love you too, angel.”

[msjr0119]

We Belong

Part 14

Evangeline Bruley returns to Cordonia to take over her families Duchy. She was betrothed to the now King, however he is engaged to Duchess Riley but still has lingering feelings towards his first love. What will happen during her time back in Cordonia?

Book: The Royal Romance

Please do not read if you are under 18, if you do you are consenting that you are over this age. Also do not continue to read if any of the below warnings affect you.

Warnings: Swearing, references about sex, slight smut, mental health, depression, mention of death penalty, mention of past murder, mention of attempted murder, mention of adultery (past/present), mention of alcoholism.

Tag list- if you want to be removed just let me know 😊

@pedudley @kacie-0156 @loveellamae @annekebbphotography @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @texaskitten30 @kimmiedoo5 @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @axwalker @rafasgirl23415 @yukinagato2012 @cordonianroyalty @custaroonie @seriouslybadchoices @rainbowsinthestorm @princess-geek @jared2612 @desireepow-1986 @twinkle-320 @queenjilian @princessleac1

******

Everyone arrived back in Cordonia a couple of days after Drake and Evie had become engaged, and Bastien had received the call from Glen.

That night Drake felt like he was in a dream, the girl he had loved for years had agreed to become his wife.

Entering the room, Drake had arranged for the staff to place rose petals on to the bed, along with other extra surprises such as; a fruit basket, chocolate, champagne.

Evie’s eyes widened, her heart sunk knowing how much time and effort he had put into this proposal. Grateful that he had forgiven her- she wouldn’t have forgiven herself if he had ghosted her after she ran away.

“I’m so lucky to have you.” She whispered, but loud enough for him to hear her.

“I’m the lucky one..” Drake couldn’t help but look at her adorably. His Evie. His world.

“We’re both lucky. Decades of friendship, now we have decades of being husband and wife.”

“I can’t wait to call you my wife.” Picking her up, he held her against the wall as he began kissing her passionately. “I hope you’re not tired.. because I want my fiancée all to myself tonight..” lifting her skirt up, he ran his fingers along her thigh- sending shivers down her spine.

“I’m all yours. Forever and always, I love you. I think we should do a toast.” Forcing her way past him, she walked over to the table where the champagne was cooling. Drake looked down towards his throbbing cock- is she serious right now?

Shaking the bottle of champagne, she quickly stripped down to her underwear. Once she opened the fizz, it sprayed in every direction as she attempted to pour it onto herself.

“So Duke Walker to be... have you ever licked champagne off of a beautiful duchesses body?”

That night in the hotel room, ran through Drakes mind on a loop- it was one of the happiest days of his life. The most hottest rendezvous he had with her, as of yet. However, today it would be erased from his memory for a short time- today was the day he finally faced his mother.

****

Walking into the hospital, Drake and Savannah were both hesitant- neither wanted to see their mother. They had put up with her shit ever since they were children, they tried to get her help which she refused. Now they were adults, both starting their new journeys with their other halves she was down the priority list in their eyes.

“I’m not seeing her!” Drake snapped. “She is having the death penalty, and thinks that this little attention seeking will make us all feel sorry for her- give her another chance.”

“Drake...”

“Don’t Drake me, Evie.” Regretting talking time her this way, he apologised immediately. He was just frustrated with the whole situation.

“I’ll go in instead, when and if you both want to go and visit her you can.” Liam suggested to his friend. “I’ll go with you Liam, I chose her fate.”

“No! I don’t want you seeing her, Evie.”

“Drake, it’s fine. She’s not going to hurt me infront of Liam is she?” Possibly? We don’t know what she’s capable of- Drake muttered to himself.

“Come on Drake, we’ll get a coffee.” Savannah pleaded with her brother. Eventually he agreed willingly to them, deep down he disagreed.

“If she upsets you, or tries to hurt you run out of the room.” Evie nodded. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Drake kissed her on the lips, not caring what anyone thought.

****

“Mrs Walker.”

‘That will be you soon’, Liam whispered in her ear.

‘I’ll be the better Mrs Walker, your Majesty.’ Winking at him, they both laughed hoping that she didn’t hear them.

“Evangeline. Your Majesty. Where are my children? I need them.”

“Why did you go on a hunger strike Bianca?” Liam asked in an authoritative tone of voice. He was a busy man- he didn’t have time to pussy-foot around the woman who clearly wasn’t sane.

The guards entered the cell, Bianca was rocking back and forth in the corner- dampness was dripping onto her, she was oblivious to this. Vacant.

“Mrs Walker?” Glen attempted to gain her assistance, he even banged on the wall- but she was still continuing to ignore them. “Your food is here. You need to eat at some point!”

“You have it. I’m not hungry.” Shaking his head, he placed the food in front of her forcefully. Causing her to jump, she noticed him scowl towards her. “Eat it, before you kill yourself.”

Bianca nit picked at the food, not raising it to her mouth- instead was just flicking it around the plate. She was languishing in a cell and was unsure as to how much more she could deal with. Deep down she knew she deserved every punishment that she was given. But would never admit it, until she was desperate. Knowing her life was a ticking time bomb- she would pull out any trick to secure her life. Glen walked away, knowing he couldn’t force feed her. It had been two days since she had eaten anything. With Bianca having already suffered a terrible breakdown when Jackson died- she was close to doing it again. Standing up she punched her knuckles to bloody pulps against the cell door and threw her dinner against the wall. Anguished that no-one was giving her a chance- she believed that she was a victim due to her mental illness. Now that Toby had died, she could and would blame him for everything. It was her word against his. Bianca took a stand when another guard brought her something to eat later on that day, she refused to eat again. As she told him that she wouldn’t eat anything until someone listened to her and helped her, it was clear from her eyes that she was serious, even though this could put her in serious peril. That serious peril, occurred the day after- when Glen found her unconscious on the floor. Immediately requesting medical assistance, he knew he had to break the news to Bastien. He wondered where he was located as he was due back in Cordonia the previous day.

“Bastien. Where have you been? You need to return to Cordonia now!”

“I feel empty without my children... I need them. I don’t want to die. I need their forgiveness. Everyone’s forgiveness.”

“Maybe you should have thought about that before? You’ve caused too much hurt for everyone! You could have killed Evie!” Evie placed her hand on to Liam’s arm, her eyes pleaded with him to calm down- she was grateful for him defending her. But he didn’t need to waste another single breath on her.

“I’m sorry Evie...” pausing she noticed the jewellery shining on her left hand. “Are you wearing Pats ring?”

“Yes, myself and Drake are engaged. We love each other, and you are not going to hurt us anymore.”

“Bianca, I will try and get your ‘children’ to say goodbye to you. Your sentencing is scheduled for next week. I’ll see you prior to that.”

“Liam, please. I need them. They need me.”

“They’ve done well without you. Savannah has Bertrand and Bartie. Drake has Evie. Goodbye Bianca.” Liam held his hand out towards Evie, encouraging her to leave with him.

“Evie, stay with me.”

“It’s fine Liam, I won’t be long..” Kissing her on the cheek, she noticed that Liam had left the door open slightly ajar. Mainly to have access to barge in for any emergency.

“What?”

“Convince Liam to release me and drop the sentencing. I’ll do whatever I need to do. I’ll support you all. You’re going to be family. Please. I’ll stop drinking. I’ll get help.”

“It’s not Liam that you have to convince. It’s myself. As well as the council. I was ready to help you, then you maliciously informed me about my miscarriage. You show no remorse for anything that you have done or continue to keep doing. My parents took in your children for months. How do you repay them? By killing them. How do you repay the royal family for taking over my parents roles? Attempting to kill them all.”

“I am so sorry. I don’t deserve anything, please reconsider my life. If it was Drake with your parents what would you want him to do?”

“Don’t bring my parents in to this. They were good people! I was already saving your life, it was the council that wasn’t. I wanted to help you because you are the mother of the man that I love. You took my parents away from me, as well our chance of being parents. I’ve got nothing more to say to you Bianca.” Reaching out to her, she held onto Evie’s hand with a tight grip. Bianca needed to tell someone. Anyone. The thing that had made her go crazy in the cold damp cell.

“Evie... I saw Jackson. At the wedding.”

“So you was drunk? The only person who can help you, is yourself. You have a week to prove that. You need help if you are seeing your deceased husband.”

“I wasn’t drunk! I heard his voice. He was there! I swear!”

“Evie. Wait. Please.” Exiting the room, she had doubts about what to do.

“Evie?” Wiping the tears away, she turned to face Drake- pulling him flush to her.

“Did she hurt you?”

“No. She just doesn’t want to die. I think you should make amends with her before the sentencing. Stay with Savannah, I’ll get Liam to take me home. I need to pack for London, for Toby’s funeral. I’ll see you at home?”

“Home. It’s still so surreal. I won’t be long. I don’t have much to say to her.”

*****

Arriving in the uk, Evie headed to the hotel to quickly change for Toby’s funeral. There was a mix of emotions running through her mind; relief that he couldn’t hurt her anymore, nerves about seeing the ghosts of her past including Elise, empathy for his family who she was once close to- the family who she believed at the time was going to be her family. After a quick shower, she quickly rung Drake up to let him know that she was safe and had arrived. He explained that he was missing her and couldn’t wait for her to return.

Calling for a taxi, she arrived at the church- seeing people gathering outside, her legs didn’t want to move forward after seeing that woman who screwed her ex fiance behind her back.

“Evangeline. So you’ve returned. I never thought I’d see your sad little pathetic face again...”

“Shut the fuck up before I do it for you! I’m surprised you’re here and not laid on your back somewhere...”

“Just admit it Evie. He preferred blondes. He preferred women who gave him attention and saw to all his sexual needs....”

“We had sex! We was engaged for fuck sake! You know nothing about my relationship with Toby - probably because everything he told you was complete utter bullshit!”

“Or maybe you was just a fuck?” Elise smirked, Evie knew people were around them but she didn’t care. Raising her fist, she was about to aim straight for the blondes nose- hoping that a plastic surgeon wouldn’t be able to reconstruct it. A hand grabbed her before she could inflict any pain- turning around she was shocked as to why he was here.

“Don’t do it. Whoever she is, isn’t worth it. You’re better than that Evie...”

“Hello handsome. Thank you for rescuing me from this mad woman. My names Elise. And yours is?”

“My names Liam.” Elise stepped forward towards Liam, Evie stood inbetween them before she could do anything more.

“Don’t even think about touching him!”

“So you know him?”

“He’s my fiancé, so leave him alone.” Liam looked at her confused as Elise perked her eyebrows up. Fixing his expression, he placed his arm around her waist knowing she was doing this for a reason.

“You know Liam, Evie can’t keep her fiancés on a leash... if you get bored you know where to find me... I’m known for giving the best blowjobs around here...” Nearly physically vomiting, he wondered what the hell Toby saw in this woman. Especially when he was lucky enough to have someone like Evie in his life.

“What the fuck?” The words slipped out, as he was still shell shocked with the introduction with Elise.

“Don’t swear your Majesty. It doesn’t suit you...”

“Are you going to explain what all that was about?”

“Are you going to explain why you are here?”

“Toby was my childhood friend, my meetings got cancelled. I am here on behalf of everyone. Besides I thought you’d need some extra support and company. Now your turn, explain.”

“She’s the slut that ruined my engagement. She was screwing him behind my back. She just gets under my skin...” before she could continue Elise returned with a few other woman that were her and Evie’s mutual friends. Once upon a time.

“This is him. Isn’t he gorgeous? Like a Greek god. This is Evie’s potential second failed engagement. I mean they haven’t even kissed yet...” Elise sniggered along with the other women whilst ‘swooning’ over him.

“We aren’t into the whole PDA. I like to keep my sex life private with my fiancée.” Empathising the word fiancée he had hoped that that would be the end of it.

“We don’t care. Do we girls? Just kiss.” Elise was peer pressuring them as she wasn’t convinced that their relationship was sincere. Narrowing her eyes towards Evie’s direction, she pointed towards the watch on her wrist. Tick tock.

“Oh I will be kissing him and doing a whole lot more when we return to the hotel. Isn’t that right darling?” Evie placed her hand across Liam’s chest, looking up towards his with a fake seductive expression.

“Just kiss. What’s the issue?” Evie turned towards Liam, cupping his cheek. Just pretend that you are movie star Evie. It’s fake. That woman isn’t digging her claws into someone else’s man. Kissing Liam slowly to begin with, his hands roamed her body as the kiss deepened. Opening her mouth, he slipped his tongue in- both tongues battling against each other. Breaking the kiss, Evie noticed that Liam enjoyed that kiss far too much than he should have.

“Did you enjoy your live porn? I mean this is what I do to my fiancé...”. Pointing to his obvious erection, the women all gasped- all now swooning even more over the handsome stranger. Elise grit her teeth together, before dragging her ‘minions’ away.

“What the fuck Liam?”

“You came on to me... I can’t help it. I’m a man.”

“Riley is going to chop your dick off your Majesty. I’m telling Drake why we kissed. To save that slut from ruining anymore relationships. No need to thank me. No matter how hard you resist, Elise always get what she wants. It’s up to you if you tell your wife.”

“You enjoyed it really, Duchess Evangeline.” Winking he was only joking. Even though he had cheated on Riley he did secretly enjoy it- but that kiss was closure even if it was fake. He realised that Evie wasn’t want he wanted anymore. Riley and his child was his world. As much as he loved Evie, he was grateful with how fate had occurred in his life.

“Your Majesty. Duchess Evangeline. Drake. Riley. Not so innocent are we Evie?” Elise spoke quietly standing in the shadows overhearing the conversation- her imagination began to roam wild.

*****

Evie was settling down in the hotel, hearing a knock at the door she assumed it would be Liam. He had offered to take her out for food after the wake but she politely declined, he continued attempting to persuade her but she ignored him. Forcing herself off the sofa, she placed the glass of wine on the table.

“Hello...”

“Hi...”

“Did you not receive my last text?”

“It must have slipped my mind...”

“Well as I said before I thought you’d need some extra support and company. You need me, no matter how much you deny it.” Pulling him through the threshold, she forced a kiss onto his lips.

“I do need you. I want more than a kiss, now that you’re here... we are alone...”

[saintfms]

            hello  everyone  !  i  originally  wasn’t  going  to  make  the  gif  i  used  for  this  intro  because  it’s  already  midnight  thirty  ,  but  i  went  through  with  it  anyways  .  i’m  bay  ,  and  this  is  my  disaster  of  a  disaster  ,  saint  !  he’s  a  fairly  new  muse  and  i’m  sure  there’s  going  to  be  a  lot  about  him  that  i’ll  develop  as  the  rp  goes  on  ,  but  i  think  i’ll  touch  on  a  good  chunk  of  information  as  well  .  i’m  also  trying  out  a  new  intro  style  compared  to  what  i  used  to  do  ,  so  ....  either  i’m  gonna  come  out  on  top  or  i’m  gonna  be  wearing  a  clown  mask  KNFDHSF  .  if  you’d  like  ,  my  di.scord  is  𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐜𝐲.#4090  ,  and  enough  of  my  rambling  omg  .  

❛ ✶ ( HWANG HYUNJIN , CIS MALE , HE/HIM ) . who the hell is blasting NO RESCUE NEEDED by DPR LIVE at one in the morning ? nevermind , that’s just SANG-JUN ‘SAINT’ KIM from APARTMENT 1106 . apparently , they are a TWENTY TWO year old YOUTUBER & FASHION STUDENT AT PRATT from ATLANTA, GA , and they’ve been living at the complex for ELEVEN MONTHS . i heard they can be a bit - HEDONISTIC , but they make up for it by being so + VIVACIOUS — which makes sense , considering that they are a ARIES ! when i think of them , i imagine HAPHAZARD STACKS OF TEXTBOOKS ATOP HIS DESK, A PERFECTLY SITUATED RING LIGHT IN THE CORNER OF HIS ROOM, AND PILES OF CLOTHES DESPITE HAVING ‘NOTHING’ TO WEAR . and of course , don’t forget to follow them at ( @SNTKM ) !

NAME  :  kim  sang - jun  .  NICKNAME(S)  :  saint  (  preferred  name  )  .  AGE  :  twenty - two  .  DATE  OF  BIRTH  :  april  10th  ,  1998  .  ASTROLOGICAL  SIGN  :  aries  .  MORAL  ALIGNMENT  :  chaotic  neutral  .  GENDER  +  PRONOUNS  :  cis  male  +  he / him / his  .  PLACE  OF  BIRTH  :  atlanta  ,  georgia  .  CURRENT  LOCATION  :  astoria  ,  queens  ,  new  york  .  SEXUAL  ORIENTATION  :  bisexual  .  ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION  :  biromantic  .  OCCUPATION  :  youtuber  +  fashion  student  at  pratt  institute  .  NATIONALITY  :  korean - american  .  ETHNICITY  :  korean  .  

            you  were  born  into  the  kim  family  as  the  happiest  baby  there  could  be  .  your  mother  had  diamond  tears  staining  her  cheeks  as  she  hugged  you  close  --  it  had  been  her  first  time  having  a  cesarean  ,  but  you  were  healthy  .  your  father  could  tell  that  you  were  when  he  spoke  with  a  slight  shake  to  his  voice  :  ‘  he’s  got  a  pair  of  lungs  on  him  .  ’  and  it  was  true  .  you  screamed  your  little  head  off  ,  but  it  simply  was  because  you  wanted  milk  .  the  family  you  were  born  into  was  one  of  wealth  .  it  was  no  house  full  of  diamonds  and  designer  duds  ,  but  the  home  was  comfortable  .  your  other  brother  ,  jong - hyeon  ,  was  five  at  the  time  and  he  sat  at  the  end  of  the  hospital  bed  propped  up  on  his  knees  and  wondering  when  he  could  hold  ‘  his  baby  ’  .

          life  for  you  is  everything  that  a  child  would  want  :  your  parents  smother  you  with  love  every  single  day  ,  your  brother  plays  with  you  despite  being  older  ,  and  you’ve  got  a  smile  that  brightens  your  eyes  .  your  childhood  comes  stocked  full  of  everything  you  could  ever  want  and  more  ,  but  entering  your  teen  years  comes  with  a  hefty  bump  in  the  road  .  your  interests  are  elsewhere  ,  loving  the  pretty  pieces  that  your  mom  owns  and  wears  whenever  there’s a  dinner  or  gala  to  be  attended  .  you’re  smart  and  creative  ,  but  your  father  is  against  the  idea  .

            your  father  wears  light  blue  scrubs  and a  crisp  white  jacket  with  his  name  embroidered  on  it  everyday  .  his  office  is  hidden  amongst  the  winding  hallways  of  northside  hospital’s  maternity  ward  ,  highly  respected  by  his  peers  and  loved  by  his  patients  .  your  father  has  a  passion  for  what  he  does  ,  and  he  forces  it  upon  you  and  jong - hyeon  with  an  iron  fist  .  he  wants  his  sons  to  follow  his  lead  into  medicine  ,  already  bragging  to  his  colleagues  about  how  his  sons  will  someday  take  over  the  medical  profession  just  like  him  .

            you  had  no  interest  in  medicine    though  .  your  grades  could  speak  for  themselves  ,  but  you  had  a  low  interest  in  the  sciences  despite  your  high  marks  .  you  hated  being  asked  by  the  stuffy  doctors  who  would  come  to  your  house  what  field  you  wanted  to  specialize  in  ,  and  despite  the  laughter  that  erupted  from  them  when  you  said  ‘  none  ’  ,  but  your  father  wasn’t  entertained  .  you  would  sit  on  the  steps  as  your  mother  would  try  to  calm  him  down  ,  and  you’d  hear  that  your  father  would  refer  to  you  as  worthless  ,  dumb  ,  and  an  embarrassment  .  for  years  ,  tears  would  well  up  in  your  eyes  and  you’d  sulk  to  your  bedroom  with  your  head  hung  low  .  the  last  thing  that  you  wanted  was  for  your  father  to  berate  you  for  crying  .  the  pictures  of  your  brother  seem  to  mock  you  as  you  pass  ,  jong - hyeon  forever  immortalized  as  the  son  your  father  always  wanted  .

              you  hope  that  your  mother  would  be  there  for  you  when  your  father  berates  you  ,  but  she  keeps  her  head  down  to  avoid  his  wrath  .  it’s  at  the  tender  age  of  fourteen  that  you  realize  you  have  no  one  on  your  side  .  your  brother  is  gone  ,  fulfilling  your  father’s  wishes  and  adding  his  two  cents  when  your  father  decides  to  be  snarky  at  the  dinner  table  .  you  keep  quiet  at  the  dinner  table  ,  only  answering  when  spoken  to  and  avoiding  the  disappointed  gaze  of  your  father  .  no  matter  how  much  you  seemed  to  disappoint  your  father  ,  you  also  began  to  stop  caring  .  it  was  evident  that  your  parents  didn’t  support  you  the  way  that  they  did  when  you  were  a  child  ,  so  you  decided  to  go  as  far  away  as  you  could  when  applying  for  college  .

            you  were  over  the  moon  when  the  heavy  acceptance  package  from  pratt  institute  showed  up  in  your  mailbox  once  day  after  school  ,  clutching  it  close  to  your  chest  as  you  went  bumbling  into  your  house  .  most  children  aren’t  excited  to  leave  home  ,  but  you’re  in  desperate  need  of  an  escape  .  your  senior  year  of  high  school  can’t  end  fast  enough  ,  and  although  you  can’t  rid  your  father’s  face  of  the  scowl  he  wears  before  it’s  time  to  board  your  plane  ,  you  want  to  believe  that  he’s  proud  of  you  .  you  want  nothing  more  than  for  him  to  love  you  ,  to  be  proud  of  you  ,  but  he  send  you  sends  you  off  with  the  cut  of  the  eye  and  a  suck  of  the  teeth  .

            living  in  new  york  for  two  years  helps  you  to  come  out  from  under  your  father’s  thumb  .  you’re  happy  ,  you  grow  your  hair  out  and  dye  it  blonde  ,  even  starting  a  youtube  channel  that  has  a  slow  start  ,  but  802  thousand  people  want  to  know  what  you  do  in  your  daily  life  .  sadly  ,  you  spend  your  last  summer  at  home  in  the  thick  of  a  heavy  disagreement  with  your  father  and  brother  .  you’re  mocked  for  your  hair  ,  teased  for  the  way  that  you  carry  yourself  ,  your  brother  even  wonders  why  you  even  returned  home  .  every  night  was  filled  with  you  slamming  your  bedroom  door  ,  speaking  to  your  father  in  a  tone  you  swore  you’d  never  use  ,  and  dealing  with  a  heartbreak  you  never  thought  you’d  experience  .

            your  mother  doesn’t  come  to  your  rescue  when  you  need  her  the  most  ,  but  you  can’t  bring  yourself  to  care  .  no  matter  what  happens  ,  you  swear  to  yourself  that  you’ll  never  return  home  .  you  leave  ,  and  thanks  to  the  money  you’ve  been  saving  ,  you  move  into  the  tower  28  apartments  .  you  need  a  roommate  ,  but  you  don’t  really  care  .  somehow  ,  your  mother  convinces  your  father  to  continue  to  pay  for  your  schooling  ,  but  all  you  do  is  send  him  pictures  of  the  cleared  balances  as  a  thank  you  .  

in  terms  of  saint’s  personality  ,  he’s  a  chaotic  boy  with  a  heart  of  gold  .  he  has  mastered  the  art  of  being  fake  --  he  knows  how  to  put  on  a  brave  face  in  public  ,  but  he’s  struggling  when  he’s  alone  .  saint  covers  up  his  insecurities  with  his  youtube  channel  ,  where  he  comes  across  as  your  typical  college  student  living  in  new  york  ,  but  he’s  the  furthest  from  it  .  he  doesn’t  handle  confrontation  well  and  he  hates  the  sound  of  yelling  ,  and  not  the  fun  kind  that  you  might  hear  at  a  party  .  he  has  a  tendency  of  apologizing  sometimes  even  when  something  isn’t  his  fault  by  a  long  shot  ,  but  he’s  also  a  chaotic  mess  at  times  !  he  flirts  like  there’s  nothing  to  it  with  anyone  who  has  a  pair  of  legs  ,  and  he  quite  honestly  might  call  someone  d*ddy  just  because  he  can  ORUEFSDS  .  

i’m  going  to  create  a  tag  of  wanted  connections  that  i’d  love  to  have  for  saint  ,  but  i’m  gonna  do  that  tomorrow  since  i’m  finishing  this  intro  at  nearly  3am  .  outright  though  ,  i  would  love  to  have  :

an  angsty  ex  boyfriend  👀  like  yes  PLEASE  hand  it  over  i  promise  i’ll  make  you  cry  :D

a  best  friend  !  probably  one  of  the  only  people  who  can  see  right  through  his  ‘  i’m  okay  ’  bullshit  

someone  that  tries  to  make  him  workout  but  in  reality  he’s  sitting  and  eating  a  bagel  on  the  weight  bench 

something  soft ?  something  really  sweet  and  enough  to  make  my  freaking  teeth  rot ?  could  either  be  a  boyfriend  or  girlfriend  thing  or  i  don’t  know  something  literally  anything  just  give  me  the  softness  that  i’ve  been  craving  for  my  boy  .

give  me  a  plot  where  they  full  on  hate  each  other  .  no  lingering  feelings  ,  no  soft  moments  –  give  me  a  full  bred  spicy  hate  ship  that  literally  gets  your  blood  pumping  .  it’s  all  i  want  in  life  ,  thank  u  .

SKINNY  LOVE  DO  NOT  PLAY  WITH  ME

i’m  really  feeling  a  one  night  stand  with  some  substance  ? like  yeah  ,  they  have  their  fun  together  but  they  don’t  pretend  to  not  know  each  other  in  public  (  unless  they  have  like  a  fierce  rivalry  going  on  or  something  )  so  they  probs  tend  to  be  a  little  like  confidants  at  times  but  it’s  still  them  having  fun !

[nnightskiess]

Summary: Y/N's father is forcing her to marry some princess she has never met. The night before the wedding - while Y/N is trying to escape from the palace of Agrabah - she sees a girl doing the exact same thing.

[gif: @mostgirls]  

also posted this in my multifandom imagines book on wattpad, click here

Ever since your father had told you he wanted you to marry some princess who lived in the kingdom of Agrabah, life had felt like a whirlwind. Within a week of hearing the news, they were already making wedding plans and left with the Royal Caravan to the kingdom of your soon-to-be wife. Almost half the kingdom travelled along, not wanting to miss the royal wedding or the feasts that would take place the week after. 

Servants, cooks, fire-eaters, acrobats, merchants who had carts filled with fresh, exotic fruits, the prettiest carpets and fabrics, the most beautiful jewels - they pulled out all the stops to make it a big celebration. Children hopped onto carts being pulled by horses or donkeys and hid in between the crates filled with goods, wanting to see the celebrations, too. The whole kingdom was ecstatic.

In the first few carriages of the caravan, you were feeling anything but ecstatic. The news had felt like a slap to your face and while most people were counting down the days in a positive way, you were counting the days you had left being a free girl - not that you had always been free to go and do what you wanted since you were a princess, but it would definitely be better than being locked up in a palace for the rest of your life.

"Have the tales of her beauty and kind heart never reached your ears?" Iryna, your best friend and handmaid, asked.

"How can people know what she's like when they haven't seen her in years?" You sighed, "And so what? I don't want to marry a stranger. I don't care how pretty or warmhearted she is, or how wealthy her kingdom is - I don't want to marry."

The two of you let silence do the talking, while the carriage waddled through the desert surrounding Agrabah. Just a few more moments and the caravan would finally enter the gates of your new home, after having travelled for a few days.

Iryna gave you a worried look and grabbed your hands, "Listen, you're a princess and how great that might've been before, with that title also comes a duty. Unfortunately, your duty is to marry someone. Not for your own desire but solely for the safety of your people and the wealth of your country." She squeezed your hands, "You've known this your whole life so where is this coming from?"

You gave it a thought. Iryna was right - you had been told your whole life that someday you would have to marry someone and that someone had to be royal. But you had always been a sensitive girl, a girl who admired people with kind souls, not those with pockets packed with gold coins accompanied and a smug smile on their face. You hated people whose only ambitions in life was to become mighty or rich. Rotten apples, you called them. 

However, being a princess meant you were always surrounded by people with power - people who always wanted more of everything they got. You found it mesmerizing that the people that were barely able to feed themselves every day were generally the happiest. 

Once, when you were strolling through the marketplace of your kingdom, a woman had invited you to her tiny home to serve you tea and some halva that she bought with the only coins left in her pouch. You accepted the kind offer and had a wonderful afternoon. All the kids in the street had surrounded you, wanting to give you a handshake and the adults showered you with sweet words and gifts. You declined those, however, you made sure to give every household some fresh food and clothes, much to your father's dismay. It was a waste of money in his eyes but you just couldn't see how taking care of your people was a waste. 

So, having to marry another one of those princesses was the last thing you were looking forward to. Hearing the news that the people of Agrabah hadn't seen their princess in years was a red flag in your eyes - the girl didn't even care enough about her people to show her face once in a while.

"I just don't want to be restrained or have to pretend for the rest of my life."

"I'll still be here, that won't change. We'll make it work, alright?" 

Not knowing how to respond to your friend, you moved the thin, white coloured satin in front of you aside. It hung in the opening of the carriage and blew aside with every little wave of wind. 

You saw the first signs of civilization in front of your carriage. Though part of you was relieved to see a change of scenery compared to the dull desert you'd seen for the last days, you also knew that these were the last moments of freedom.

"If the tales are speaking the truth, and she does have a kind heart, she might let you out of the palace once in a while?" Iryna tried to comfort you.

You shrugged, "I doubt it, Iryna, but it's a nice thought to hold onto." You let go of the curtain. "What other tales have you heard about her? I'd like to know them since I've clearly been left in the dust about her." 

Iryna bit her lip in thought before grabbing your arm in excitement. "I heard Princess Jasmine has a tiger!"

"A..tiger?" You rose a brow, clearly not convinced. You kept observing your friend's face, half expecting her to burst out in laughter. "Yeah, that's clearly a lie. Makes me wonder if the other tales of her kind heart are lies as well."

"It's what I heard.." Iryna nibbled on her bottom lip before plopping another piece of baklava into her mouth.

"Well if it's true, I don't only have to avoid running into my dearest wife, but I also have to avoid that damned tiger if I don't want to be eaten alive." 

The girl next to you snickered, "Seems like it," 

"If he's about to attack, I'll push you in front of me," You teased, "Dying for the greater good, you know?" 

Iryna gasped playfully, "You would never, who's going to keep you company and do chores when I'm gone?"

"Fair enough," You beamed but immediately sighed as the caravan approached the gates of Agrabah. The enormous, heavy doors were being opened accompanied by the sound of drums and trumpets. The children that had previously been sat on the carts were passing by the carriage and ran in front of the caravan. Their laughter and cheers were the only things that made you feel a little less terrible. 

Here we go..

                                           ____________________

You were laying on your bed in one of the guest chambers of the palace, thinking about all that happened the hours after your arrival. The Sultan of Agrabah - who seemed like a genuine man - had welcomed your people into his palace - and your people into his city - and had been kind enough to show all of you around and introduce you to all his people at court. 

However, his daughter - Princess Jasmine - had not shown up. Not to the welcoming ceremony, nor to the big feast or the dance afterwards. Every time your father had brought her name up to ask where she was, the Sultan's smile would disappear and he would apologize for her absence.

A girl, who you later learned was one of the princess' maids, had approached you to apologize on her friend's behalf.

"She's not feeling very well and is resting in her chambers,"

She had told you before proceeding to small talk. You knew well enough that that was equivalent to: 'I don't want to be at the feast so I locked myself up in my room,' 

You told the maid to send the princess your regards and you wished she'd feel well soon, just out of courtesy. You honestly couldn't care less that the princess hadn't shown her face yet, it seemed to be her thing, after all.

"Oh you, stop this." Iryna gestured at how you looked like a puddle of sadness sitting on the bed. She put the freshly washed linen to the side and grabbed your arms, pulling you up so that both of you could sit against the headboard of the bed.

"You lied." 

Iryna squinted her eyes, not knowing what this was about.

"I didn't see a tiger anywhere," You sighed, "And neither does she have a kind heart, or she would've at least shown up. And referring to her beauty - I wouldn't be able to confirm that since-"

"She didn't show up, yes, yes," Iryna finished for you, rolling her eyes. "Stop mocking. Yes, this might not be what you had in mind, but look at today: everyone was dancing, chatting, having fun - try to have some fun, too. Might make things ten times easier."

You looked to the side and met your friend's eyes. Your mouth curved into a smile and your expression softened.

"You still want to throw me in front of that tiger? Because he's real, he exists, I'm telling you,"

You laughed, shaking your head, "Thank you, Iryna."

She gave a quick kiss on your head before hopping off the bed again, "I'm going to get us some sweet bakings left over from the feast and then I'll prepare you a warm bath. Might relax you a bit," She presented you with a half smile before disappearing through the doors.

You sighed and moved your legs to the side of the bed while looking around the big, unfamiliar room. You didn't feel at home here. The people had been nice, yes, but you still longed to go home to your own people - your own familiar surroundings. 

Your eyes scanned the room and fell upon the pile of folded linen that Iryna had just placed on the marble bench close to the balcony.

An idea wandered through your mind. The wedding couldn't happen if you weren't there. Maybe if you hid well and stayed away for long enough, the wedding plans would be cancelled and Agrabah's Sultan would find another suitor for his daughter.

Wanting to know how high up the room was located, you quickly walked over to the railing and looked down. It was too high to climb down or jump. One misstep or slip and it would be over. That clearly wasn't an option. 

You looked around the room and once again, your eyes fell upon the fabric on the bench. Grabbing one of them, you hoped it would be strong enough to hold your weight for a few minutes. You quickly tied all of the cloths together, well aware that Iryna would probably be back any moment. You tied them around one of the pillars on the balcony at least twice and yanked at it a few times before throwing the rest of it over the railing. Watching it fall down, you noticed it stopped about two meters above the ground. You'd have to jump the last part.

Walking through the chamber, you quickly undressed and unpacked the clothes you always wore to feel more at home among the commoners. Your shiny, colourful, with jewels decorated dresses would just make you feel uncomfortable if you wore them outside of your palace. You wanted the people to see you as just a normal girl - not like a privileged, spoiled, more important person. 

You finished the outfit off with a simple, yet beautiful, lilac shawl that was embroidered with white flowers - which you draped over your head. It was a present you once got from a woman after you had given her a few gold coins to take care of her children. She insisted for you to take it, even after you politely said you didn't need anything in return.

Ridding yourself of all jewellery, except your grandmother's ring, you grabbed a small pouch and threw some coins in it. 

You nodded to yourself once you realised it was time to leave. The thought of worrying Iryna and your father - and maybe even some of the common people you had become friends with - stopped you for a few seconds before your gaze fell upon the palace grounds where the wedding ceremony would be held tomorrow morning. 

They'd obviously find the cloths tied together, revealing how you got away. They'd also probably keep searching for you for a while, which could eventually lead to your downfall. And what about the many guards that were guarding the palace at night?

You shook your head, not wanting to lose the determination you had build up.

After peeking one more time over the railing, you eventually stepped over it.

"Okay, Y/N, breathe, just hold on and don't look down until your feet hit the ground," 

You whispered to yourself. You squeezed your eyes shut, tightly holding onto the rope you'd created. You let out a big breath once stepping onto the first knot, letting go of the safety the balcony gave you.

You took your time and slowly but surely reached the last knot when you heard a squeal. Quickly looking up - hoping it wasn't Iryna who had caught you in the act and feared for your life - you noticed it wasn't coming from the room.

A few balconies to the left, a girl was dangling some meters above the ground while holding onto the same kind of rope creation you had made. The girl let go and luckily landed on her feet, still having to balance herself.

You followed the girl's movements and let go only to fall down the moment your feet clumsily touched the ground.

Upon hearing your groan, the other girl turned around - eyes big, like a deer caught in the headlights. 

Quickly standing up, dusting off your clothes, you noticed the girl staring at you. You couldn't really make out her face since the girl was hiding it behind her headscarf, clearly not wanting to be caught.

You stared back before carefully approaching.  “You’re running away, too?” From this distance, it was visible that the girl had long, flowing, dark hair and big, brown eyes.

"Who are you?" The dark-haired girl asked, not replying to the previously asked question. Her voice was as soft as silk and you - unknowingly - replayed those three words and the way they had sounded coming out of her mouth.

"I'm- um, Aaira..," Saying who you really were was probably not the best move if you wanted to run away and hide. The girl nodded, her eyes taking in every little detail of your face.

"Family of the princess, I assume? Since the balcony you escaped from is where she and her attendants are staying..." 

The both of you were now a few steps apart and you caught yourself being mesmerized by the girl. You took in all her features for as long as you could. You noticed the light of the torches reflecting in the girl's eyes, her smooth skin, the tiny mole in the corner of her mouth and the few strands of hair that had escaped during her climb down.

The girl tilted her head to the side when you took too long to reply and rose her eyebrows in anticipation for an answer.

"Uh, yes! Yes, I'm one of her nieces." You blurted out. "Who are you?" 

"I'm Dalia, Princess Jasmine's maid."

The sound of four guards laughing and walking your way, interrupted the conversation. The girl pursed her lips and quickly looked at the guards, then at back at you.

"Follow me, I know how to leave the palace unseen." The dark haired girl turned around and started to walk away with you on her tail. The two of you ran down a few steps and were about to take a shortcut through the royal gardens before you were yanked behind a wall. A gasp left your mouth at the sudden movement. 

"Sorry," Dalia apologized, "Forgot there are other guards patrolling this side of the gardens." She turned her head to present you an apologetic smile. More of the girl's face revealed itself due to your close proximity. You took in every little detail.

"You seem prepared.." Unlike Dalia, you had just left without any thought out plans.

The dark-eyed girl looked around the corner, seeing the guards turn their backs. "Yes, well... I've done this before," She spoke and meanwhile grabbed your hand to make you follow. "Though, so far, I've always returned."

"But you won't this time?" 

"Not for a while, at least," She replied. Dalia stopped once they reached a gate that no one seemed to be guarding and held it open so you could get through. You followed her like a lost puppy as she walked you through a dim lit alley.

"Why are you running away?" 

The princess' maid stopped and turned around and frowned for a moment, clearly debating whether to trust you or not. After all, you were as much a stranger to her as she was to you.

"Tired of living inside the palace walls?" You tried when she didn't give an answer. You assumed that - since she was Jasmine's maid, she never left the palace either.

The dark-haired beauty nodded. "Yeah," She adjusted the scarf on her head before locking eyes with you again. "What about yourself? You just got here today, so why would you want to leave and miss the wedding tomorrow?"

"I'm to marry one of Agrabah's noblemen sons." Y/N didn't quite make that up. A lot of her cousins and second cousins had been married off to some of Agrabah's wealthiest families, just to seal off the bond between both kingdoms.

Dalia only nodded.

They reached a hallway where a little boy - probably around nine years old - was sitting in front of the last door. He perked up once they saw you two approach. 

"Baba is still at one of the feasts in town, I made sure of it!" He smiled at Dalia, who was standing next to you. 

Her mouth curved into a smile and she stroked the boy's cheek. "Thank you, Amir." She crouched down to his level and reached to get something out of her pouch.

"I got you a little something this time," The boy's eyes grew wider at the sight of a tiger carved out of wood. "A thank you for keeping our secret." 

"Thank you!" He was too busy inspecting the tiger to notice the loving look in the girl's eyes. Only when she stepped through the door he was guarding, did he look up.

"When will you be back?" 

Dalia looked down before locking eyes with Amir. 

"Soon!" She reassured the child, though the hesitation in her voice didn't go unnoticed by you.

"I'll be waiting!"

The girl next to you chuckled. "I don't doubt that. You'll be a great guard one day, just like your father." 

And with that, they left the safety the palace provided them with and they were standing in the back alleys of the market of Agrabah.

"We're outside," The dark-haired girl turned around, "I hope you'll be alright on your own?" She presented you with a genuine smile and made way to walk off until you grabbed her arm.

"Wait, I actually have no clue where to go or what to do next."

Dalia turned around, seeming somewhat amused.

"You must be really wretched about marrying a rich man when you put yourself through all this trouble." A teasing undertone laced her voice. She started to walk off again, knowing Y/N would follow her.

"I couldn't care less even if he was the richest man in all of Agrabah. I want to marry someone who I adore, who makes my heart beat faster. Not someone I have never seen before. I had to leave my home behind, I'll have to miss my family, all because the man I'll be marrying will make my family rich or will ensure the alliance between kingdoms."

The girl next to you had been listening to every word and snuck some glances your way every now and again.

"What about you? You still haven't told me why you ran away."

Dalia stopped walking, a grin on her face. "You really want to know, huh?"

You could only nod, being so captivated by her beauty and the way she carried herself so gracefully. 

"Follow me, I'll tell you all about it once we're further away from the palace walls."

                                            ____________________

"So they never let you leave? Not even for a little stroll?"

The girl shook her head.

"Wow, I can't imagine how the princess must be feeling if her maids aren't even allowed to leave. I've always thought she didn't want to go out, not that she wasn't allowed to..."

A comfortable silence fell between the two of them. Dalia had led you to the harbour of Agrabah and had found a nice and quiet place to sit and chat. You had gotten to know the girl better and had grown even more fond of her.

Dalia sighed and looked at the palace, it was such a pretty view from here. She looked at the few lights that were still on in some of the rooms, seeing hers was still on. She wondered if they had already found out she escaped.

"Sounds like we'll both be trapped." You spoke softly upon seeing the girl doze off in some sad haze. 

Hearing the news Dalia had just told you, made your whole opinion about the princess change. She probably really did have a big heart, she was just never able to show it to anyone. They kept her in the safety of the palace - not that you could blame the Sultan for wanting to keep her safe and alive, but still.

"I suppose we should go back," The girl's voice interrupted your thoughts. She gave you a weak smile. 

"You don't want to walk away anymore?" You were confused. 

She shook her head, "I don't think I could ever miss my dad or my friend...or Rajah. And I don't want them to worry about my whereabouts or safety"

"Rajah?"

"My tiger," Dalia smiled but couldn't help but notice the confusion written on your face, followed by recognization.

"Your....tiger?!"

The girl chuckled at your facial expression. "Yes, but don't worry, he doesn't attack anyone if I'm in the room. You'll be able to walk around freely if we are to meet again,"

You nodded absentmindedly, deep in thought. Iryna had told you that Princess Jasmine owned a tiger. How many people in Agrabah have a tiger as a pet? 

"Oh..yes...okay,"

The princess of Agrabah laughed, 

"I'll see you around...probably,"

[writingfortoomanyfandoms]

Golden Globes

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Summary: They want to announce being a couple

Requested: Nope but please send in some requests for me to write!

Warnings: Swearing (I think)

A/N:So this is the one most people wanted me to write!!! I hope you guys enjoy it - remember to let me know what you think by reblogging and leaving comments and sending asks!!! I’ll also write the benxreaderxroger and the Joe one! I’m unsure of how good this actually is but I really hope you like it!!!

“Are you coming to the premier?” Joe asked Y/N, the woman had just joined him on his table at the cafe down the road from Y/N and Ben’s shared apartment and all the guys and Lucy had agreed to meet there a week before the premier.

“Are the others not here yet?”

“Gwil’s just ordering but Rami and Lucy haven’t got here yet,” Joe said, hugging the girl in greeting.

“Ben’s just ordering for us as well,”

“Cute. But you avoided my question - are you coming to the premier?” He asked again. Y/N sighed and shook her head.

“I don’t think so, Joe,” she admitted, dropping her gaze from his as she sat across from him.

“But why?” Joe whined.

“Why what?” Gwil asked, joining the two friends at the table, taking the seat next to Joe. 

“Y/N isn’t coming to the premier,” Joe sighed, propping his chin up with his hand, a dejected look on his face.

“I’m sorry!”

“Why aren’t you coming?” Gwil asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“What’s this?” Ben asked, sliding into his seat next to Y/N and passing her her drink as he placed a kiss on her cheek.

“Why isn’t your girlfriend coming to the premier?” Joe demanded. Ben looked at Y/N with raised eyebrows.

“I don’t know, Joe, I’ve been trying to convince her for months,”

“You don’t have to go for Ben,” Joe said, as though that would convince her. 

“Go for me!” Gwil interrupted and Y/N laughed, resting her head on Ben’s shoulder and shaking her head. Her right hand snuck down underneath the table and she grabbed Ben’s left hand, squeezing it the way she always did when she was nervous. Ben squeezed her hand back, turning his head to place a kiss against her hair.

“We’re not public yet,”

“You guys have been together for two years,” Joe deadpanned and Y/N smiled awkwardly.

“People know I’m in a relationship,” Ben shrugged, as though that was all that mattered.

“You want her there too,”

“Of course I do, Gwil, but if she doesn’t want to come then I’m not going to bloody make her,” Ben was frustrated to say the least. 

He had invited Y/N to every event he had gone to ever since they had gotten together and he wanted nothing more than to show her off to everyone. He had thought the premier would be their chance to go public, she had agreed to go with him after she had met the rest of the cast and had gotten along so well.

Y/N had gone so far as to buy a dress in preparation - Lucy had taken her out dress shopping - but then a week ago she had announced to Ben that she wasn’t going to come. Y/N had freaked out of the idea and it had taken Ben over an hour to calm her down.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered to Ben. He turned to look at her and couldn’t help but smile as he looked into her wide, innocent eyes. He pressed his lips gently against hers.

“Don’t be sorry,” he murmured.

“You guys have been together two years, why haven’t you gone public yet?” Joe pressed. Ben sighed, leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes.

“Because have you seen how his fans reacted when he announced he was seeing someone?” Y/N asked. Joe and Gwil exchanged looks before both shaking their heads. “They were pissed and I just...” Ben squeezed her hand once and Joe and Gwil gave small smiles.

“We’ll miss you,” Joe said and Y/N gave a quiet laugh.

“You’ll have too much fun to miss me,”

“I’ll miss you,” Ben whispered in Y/N’s ear, nuzzling her neck. Y/N laughed and pushed him gently.

“Someone’s gotta look after Frankie,” she teased.

Her heart felt as though it was going to beat out of her chest. Y/N clutched her phone, nervously biting her lip as she paced around her living room. 

“Love, I promise you, it will be fine,” Ben said, coming in from the bathroom and seeing his girlfriend’s panicked state.

“What if they hate me?”

“It’s been scientifically proven that it’s impossible to hate you,” Ben said immediately, coming over to her and placing his large hands on her hips to stop her from her pacing. 

Y/N switched her phone on and off as she had been doing for the better part of an hour since the photo had been posted and Ben rolled his eyes, taking her phone from her and putting it in his back pocket. She sighed and placed her palms on his chest, looking up at him.

“I’m sorry,”

“I don’t know what you’re apologising for, love,”

“Being so panicky about all of this,” she sighed and Ben leant down to kiss her.

“I love you,” he murmured, his lips ghosting over hers and Y/N smiled a little.

“I love you too,”

“Then that’s all that matters,” he promised before kissing her tenderly once more. “Come on, lets watch an episode of The Office to distract you,” he proposed and a grin broke out across her face as she nodded.

“Sounds good to me,”

Three episodes later Y/N stretched and yawned before snuggling back into Ben’s chest.

“Can we check?” She asked and Ben smiled down at her and nodded, kissing her forehead before pulling out his phone and opening Instagram.

Ben and Y/N had posted a series of photograms of them together to go public - Ben referred to it as baby steps in the hopes that it would result in her coming with him to his next event that was coming up. 

The first was of the two of them fairly soon in their relationship, pulling stupid faces at the camera with their heads close together. The second was of them on their first snow day together, she was wearing one of his beanies and laughing as he kissed her cheek. The third had been taken by Gwil at Ben’s apartment - Y/N was wearing a Harry Potter dressing gown and striking a pose towards Ben who was laughing at her from the side of the photo. The fourth was on the set of Bohemian Rhapsody and Y/N was watching Ben with the biggest smile on her face as she listened to him talking. The fifth a group photo with Ben and Y/N in the middle celebrating Y/N’s birthday on set as a surprise. The final one was of them kissing in front of a cinema after they had been to see Bohemian Rhapsody together after the premier.

Holy shit they’re so cute!!!!!

This is who Ben’s been hiding for two years?????

Get you a guy who looks at you like Ben looks at Y/N

How Ben looks at Y/N? Did you see the way she looks at him in that fourth photo?!?!?!?!

Ben smiled at the comments, pointing them out to Y/N who nodded, grinning up at him and kissing him quickly.

“Okay, you were right,”

“I’m always right,”

“Don’t push it,” Ben’s response was to laugh and kiss her again.

“Holy shit I’m so proud of you!” Y/N squealed as her boyfriend of two and a half years picked her up in a hug and spun her around.

“We did it,” he kept repeating under his breath as he hugged her tight to his body and Y/N let out the happiest laugh as she squeezed him back as tight as she could.

“I knew you would,” she whispered and Ben captured her lips in a hard kiss, grinning as she wound her arms around his neck and pulled him tighter to her.

“I love you so fucking much,” he murmured to her lips and Y/N was quick to close the gap again.

“I love you more than you know, Ben Hardy,” she responded quietly as Ben rested their foreheads together, the smile on his face big enough to block out the sun.

“I can’t believe we actually won,” Ben said finally, laughing. Y/N squeezed him into a tight hug.

“Believe it, Ben,” she said into his chest and he felt her lips press against her hair.

“We were in the film too - don’t we get congratulations?” They heard Joe say behind them and the couple laughed, breaking apart. Y/N was quick to tackle Gwilym into a hug, which he happily reciprocated. She kissed him on the cheek.

“I’m so proud of you,” she told him and Gwil grinned down at her, reaching up to ruffle her hair as he always did but she ducked away from him. “Don’t you fucking dare, Gwilym Lee,” she threatened through her laughter.

“She’s all done up ready for the after party, Gwil, gotta look her best right, Y/N/N,” Joe teased as Y/N backed up into his chest, not realising he was stood behind her. Y/N turned and hugged him.

“Congratulations, Joe!” She cheered and Joe kissed her cheek as a response.

“You ready to get completely smashed?” Gwil asked Joe who grinned, pulling his friend into a hug.

“With you? Always,”

“They’re more goals than us,” Y/N said as Ben slipped his arm back around her waist, pulling her back to his body with a grin before pressing their lips together.

“Thank you for being here,” he said. Y/N cupped his face with her small hand and smiled at him, eyes shining bright.

“I’d do anything for you,”

“Come on, love birds, after party awaits!” Joe declared, breaking up their moment, already on his way out of the room.

“Ready to meet some fans?”

“Ready to celebrate?” Y/N countered. Ben laughed and kissed her lips.

“Always with you,”

[bigskydreaming]

In the vein of Dick’s feelings about his first family, pre-Bruce, that’s another reason why ‘Ric’ Grayson bugs me. Other than, y’know, everything about that stupid storyline BUT WHATEVER.

Anyway, I know Rebirth and nu52 before it both have tweaked Dick’s origin considerably, so who even knows what the current ‘canon’ take is, not this guy that’s for damn sure. But until he lost his memories, he was still going by Dick, so unless otherwise specified, his reasons for going by Dick should be just as true for ‘Ric’ Grayson....since he’s still supposed to remember up through Bruce taking him in after his family died. It was only everything after that point that became foggy or whatever.

But Dick only goes by Dick instead of another variation of Richard, because Dick is what his dad called him. And the REASON Dick’s dad called him that, is because Dick was named after his Uncle Richard, his dad’s brother. And his uncle’s preferred nicknames were Rick or sometimes Rich.

And although most adaptations like cartoons and movies and one-shot origin issues streamline the events of Dick’s origin, and go with the idea that it was just his parents who died that night....pre-Flashpoint, it was canon that the Flying Graysons act was never just Dick and his parents. It also included his Uncle Rick and his Aunt Karla, and their son, his older cousin Johnny. Dick was the only one not performing in the final act. It was Dick’s parents AND his aunt and cousin who all died that night....and his Uncle Rick fell too, but survived. However, he ended up with brain damage and has been in an assisted living facility ever since, and that’s why Dick had no legal guardian.

But yeah, the real reason Dick goes by Dick, is because as far as he and every one in his family, every one in the circus was concerned, it was his Uncle Richard who was Rick or Rich. Everyone called him Dick so there was no confusion. And that’s why Dick has never been willing to entertain the idea of going by a different version of his name - his only other living blood relative already has claim to the other variations, in Dick’s eyes.

Tangent - the only vaguely interesting about the amnesia plot actually is the one angle they kinda unintentionally laid out, but haven’t done anything with. The difference in personalities between Dick and ‘Ric’, with Ric being angry and abrasive and just taking a job as a taxi driver and not wanting anything to do with being a superhero....given that he supposedly now has no clear memories of anything after his first few months living with Bruce, his personality change actually makes a lot of sense with his pre-Flashpoint origin at least. Again, I don’t know what the ‘official’ canon is these days, but with the pre-Flashpoint origin, the one where Dick ended up in juvie after his parents died and was only taken in by Bruce after he’d already spent a month there....Ric’s new personality fits that perfectly. It was not an easy transition, originally. Like the way its presented in cartoons and one-shots, as though Bruce just instantly decided Dick was going to come live with him because he bonded with him over their shared tragedy.....that’s not how it played out in the comics. 

In origin stories like Robin: Year One Annual and others, yes Bruce was there the night Dick’s family died. Yes, he felt a connection with Dick because of the similarity to his own tragedy. Yes, he comforted Dick that night, because of that. But then he left Dick in the hands of the case worker who showed up to take custody of Dick, and that was that. Bruce had ZERO intention of taking Dick in himself at that point. He did believe Dick about Zucco having sabotaged the trapeze and started looking into it as Batman right away...but THAT was how the ‘connection’ he felt with Dick manifested for him. He did what he felt Dick would want, would help him the most, get closure for him...the same thing as Bruce had wanted himself, after his parents were murdered. And that was as far as it went. 

Even a lot of readers and fic writers who do acknowledge the juvie part of Dick’s origin treat it as though he was stuck there for a few days while Bruce had to navigate through red tape to get custody of him, but again, that’s not how the actual comics detailing that period depicted it. In that annual I mentioned, he was in there for a month, and it was established that he basically had to fight to survive against bigger boys every single day he was in there. His first night, three guys beat him so badly he was convinced he would have died if the guards hadn’t stopped it. And eventually, after a month had gone by, using his acrobat skills, he escaped. (After Devin Grayson retconned Dick as being Romani, the couple times Dick’s talked about this period of his life since then, he mentions that his English was not very good at the time, and it was this combined with his heritage and circus background specifically that led his racist case worker to decide that obvsly, he was destined to wind up in juvie anyway, so no need to waste a bed elsewhere on him. There he mentions being in juvie for closer to three months, but the takeaway that whatever the actual length of time he was in there, it was definitely somewhere between 1-3 months).

But after that, he had enough of getting the shit beaten out of him every day and was convinced the promises of a new family and getting out of there at some point were all just lies, so he parkoured his way out of the yard and over the fence at night.

And ran into Batman on the rooftops.  

Yeah. Batman was just out doing Batman stuff, and he ran into Dick Grayson running around Gotham’s rooftops with no shoes and detention center-issued clothes. He told Dick he believed him about Tony Zucco and was looking into the case, and then told him Dick couldn’t be of any help to him as a fugitive, and convinced him to go back to the JDC and he’d make sure he got out another way. (Dick btw, cynically thought ‘yeah right, why should I trust a guy who doesn’t even show his face’, and pretty much only goes back to the JDC because he’s sure Batman would just drag him back there anyway if he didn’t.) The very next day, Dick’s case worker showed up for the first time since she’d left him there and led him outside, saying someone had volunteered to take him in, and basically just handed him over to Alfred who was waiting with a car. 

So...yup. Bruce had felt a connection with Dick that night and empathized with him....but that hadn’t led him to just decide ‘hey I’m gonna take in this traumatized kid, I’m obviously the best candidate for that.’

Bruce took Dick in himself because he felt GUILTY.

Because he hadn’t even known Dick was in juvie. Hadn’t thought twice about checking up on the kid after that night, focused totally on just building a case against Zucco, as well as his other cases. I think there was a reference in an issue where Dick said something about how Bruce had made sure his family’s funeral arrangements were paid for, but that same issue Dick said he hadn’t even been allowed to GO to the funeral, so its not like Bruce was there with him like a lot of headcanons and fics depict it. DICK wasn’t even there.

Nope, it was good old fashioned guilt that motivated Bruce to take a personal hand in Dick’s well-being. Because he just happened to run across Dick on a roof randomly one night. THAT’S the pre-Flashpoint origin of the Batfamily. Random coincidence and a guilty conscience.

And it goes a long way towards explaining a lot of Bruce’s later actions in canon. He met Jason when the latter was stealing his tires, when Bruce missed Dick and quite probably felt guilty about driving Dick away. And he runs into this homeless kid who reminds him of Dick that SECOND night he met him, and who is actively engaging in criminal activities and thus could easily end up in juvie, the very place that had traumatized Dick so much because Bruce had just trusted the system with him back then. Its not surprising in that context that Bruce made the leap to thinking he was a better option than leaving Jason in CPS’s hands or with someone who might’ve been less patient with him, less motivated to make sure he stayed out of the JDC, no matter what that took.

I’ve always felt it explains everything about Dick’s choice to make Robin his persona. In one issue, when Dick’s sketching out possible costume ideas, Alfred asks him why not something like Batboy, or some variation of his mentor’s name. Dick said that he wanted something that was completely his, that Bruce didn’t give him. That’s why he picked Robin, his mother’s nickname for him, and why his costume was just a version of what he’d worn in the circus, a reminder of when he was happiest. 

But IMO its also why he’s always insisted on being referred to as Batman’s partner rather than his sidekick. Because Robin was never meant to be an extension of Batman, a part of HIS mission. Robin was Dick’s own mission. Because for all that he and Bruce had the murder of their parents as a shared tragedy, a connection.....it didn’t motivate him in the same way it motivated Bruce, because for Dick, that was only PART of the tragedy. Everything that came after that traumatized him, shaped him just as much. His trauma didn’t start and finish with their murder, and bringing in Zucco could never bring closure for everything he’d been through because he fell through the cracks of a flawed system. So Robin was never meant to be an extension of Batman, something to help Bruce fulfill his personal crusade. Robin was more about using Batman to fulfill his own crusade.

Bruce created Batman for the criminals who caused tragedies like the one he’d been shaped by. Dick created Robin for the people left behind after those tragedies, like he’d been. Just as everything about Batman was meant to frighten and intimidate the people he focused on, everything about Robin was meant to cheer up and comfort the people HE focused on. Bright, happy colors to help soothe a shaken victim while Batman dealt with the perpetrator. Light-hearted jokes and laughter to remind people that even after something terrible happened, there were still good things in the world. 

Dick designed Robin to be everything Batman WASN’T. To do everything Batman didn’t do for him.

So, just saying....as much as I hate the Ric Grayson storyline and still think it was a mistake....it COULD have been an interesting examination of nature vs nurture. How much of Dick Grayson is just innate, and how much would he be different if his experiences were different, like he never remembered being Robin.

Because a Ric Grayson who had no clear personal memories after his first few months with Bruce would absolutely be as bitter and angry as Ric was first shown being at the start of the amnesia plot. Because in those first months with Bruce, Dick had been very, very angry indeed. 

Being Robin is what changed Dick, helped him heal. And not just because it let him put away Tony Zucco. Because even after he’d endured terrible tragedies, it could still remind him that he’d been happy once, and he could be happy again. And as Robin, he reminded other people of that too.

[magical-mistral]

Merry Christmas! May the new year be full of happiness for you, may you have the strength to get through it and don’t forget that sometimes all you can do is laugh your way through problems. This year was spectacular in so many ways - especially because of all the amazing people I had the pleasure of meeting. I love all of you!

@n3rdlif343va – fluff of my life! How can i ever put in words just how much happiness you've brought me this year? You inspire me every day and I owe you so much. Whenever I feel down you always lift me up. You deserve all the sunshine, rainbows and positivity – if I can contribute only a little bit to that I will be the happiest little hamster. Thank you so much, for everything! I'm not good with words – that's your job – but I will do anything in my power to show you how grateful I am that you found your way into my life. Love you, my fluff! <3

@daysinrussiavictuuri – Nugget!! Can you believe it's already been a year since we stumbled over each other through the magic that is the yoi fandom? I cannot thank you enough for all the cheeriness you've brought me over the course of that year and it's been an honour walking down artist improvement road together with you!

@atelerixe – You started out so quietly, always supporting my art even back when it really wasn't that good yet. You always saw something unique in every picture and I know that when I get the thumbs up from you, then I did my job right! Your enthusiasm and excitement are so precious to see, and you never cease to be amazing, even when life puts stones on your path. I really admire you, thank you for being my friend! @eclair – Sweet eclair!! Ever since I stumbled over your art for the first time I couldn't stop looking at it. You have such a distinguished style and such an amazing personality – I'm so happy that we met through this fandom!! Now I just wish we lived closer so that I could stop by the next time you have a table at a con and buy all your amazing stuff...! ;)

@d2diamond – Thank you so much for listening to my morning rambles and a special thank you for calming me down when I was stressing out about my cat's diabetes diagnosis. You are such a sweet and supporting character, thank you for existing, Daiya!

@worldofcopperwings – My fellow artist buddy! Well, at least I refer to you in my head like this. I've been following you for a long time now and it's been such an amazing experience to see how you improve with every single picture. You've developed a really cute and unique style and I always know it's your artwork when I see it on my dash. I don't even ship Otayuri, but your art of them is just so cute??

@dramaticmari – Cute little Mari...! I am honoured and glad I know you now – because I am convinced that in a few years you will be either a really famous artist or an even more famous fashion designer. And then I will be able to say „yup, I've known her from the beginning!“. With every little step you get closer to be Supermari all the time – even without coffee!

@rikichie – We don't talk that often, but knowing you I get the feeling of a person you can 100% rely on. You just have a...sort of vibe I guess – even if we haven't spoken in a while I know that without fail, if I need somebody to listen, you'll be there. Plus, you make Nerd so incredibly happy and I couldn't be more grateful for it!

@phaytesworld – At first I only knew you because you won my giveaway, but I'm glad we've kept talking after that! You are incredible – such a hard-working personality and a brain overflowing with ideas. Thank you for always saying nice things about my art. Also happy belated birthday!

@saniika – I owe you so much! Thank you so much for reaching out to me when I was frustrated with my drawing program and just...couldn't get it to work the way I wanted. I've tried to incorporate your advice into every digital piece I do ever since, and it helps so much. You are such a kind soul – thank you for encouraging me...!

@spainsasscheeks puts on star shaped glasses finger guns at you hell yeah! Where would I be without you? You were the one who introduced me to SAI and showed me the basics when I was totally overwhelmed with how digital art works. I mean it still confuses me, but without you I probably would have never even dared to venture into that unknown territory that is digital art. Thank you so much!!

@stokrot – When I see your nickname I always think of the first art I saw from you. It was for Seungchuchuweek and I immediately thought what a cute style it was! And I was so impressed that you managed to do something for every single day! Thank you so much for always talking to me and showing me your latest works!!

And then there's so many more of you! We might not talk that often or haven’t known each other for long, but I still am grateful that YOI brought you into my life. I hope you are all doing well – thank you for all the kind words you ever said and your encouragement!

@seththeshallow @detective-ryugazaki @slightlystalesushirolls @outoffcks @katsudonforthesoul @gaykatsudononice @nayru37 @rainsdollies @kamisartvonkunst  @catsudon-purrozhki And last but not least a big THANK YOU to those I cannot tag – all the sweet anons you kept sending me messages over the course of this year. Those of you who sent me requests, those who sent me nice asks when I was down, those of you who inquired after my cat's health – I cherish every single one of you! (If I forgot someone I am terribly sorry and it wasn’t on purpose....!!) I hope you are seeing this even though I cannot tag you. Thank you so so much for everything!

[emperor-lover]

Could you do a college au for sungwoon? He's my bias and no one really writes for him 😭 tysm love UR MINHYUn scenarios are so cute they made me soft

aw anon of course!! I can totally relate about not having many things to read about your bias/bias group as well :( and yaasss i’m glad my Minhyun scenarios are having this effect on people hahaha!! I tried my best, hope you enjoy! x

Ha Sungwoon College!AU

first of all, what. a. cutie.

probably the happiest little bean you know at college

he had gone on a gap year after high school so he was one of the older guys in your cohort but his baby face suggested otherwise

literally everyone thought he was one of those young geniuses that had skipped a couple of years of high school 

he is still pretty much a genius though

He’s a business and marketing major, and he just absorbs all the information in lectures like a sponge

maybe that’s why his spongebob impression is so superior

he’s such a people’s person and is so warm-hearted

everyone has a soft spot for him

heart of gold, so so friendly, to the point where you were pretty sure he was a real life angel

you barely saw him angry or annoyed but you had seen him upset once before because his best friend Taehyun was going on an exchange to a college overseas for the entire sophomore year and Sungwoon had cried in his room and refused to talk to anyone

you first met Sungwoon during orientation week as a freshman/first year

you had gotten kinda lost and overwhelmed by all the hustle bustle of the students around you and your roommate that you met a couple of hours earlier had disappeared amongst the crowd

all these seniors had leapt at the opportunity to convince you to join their clubs or organisations

which left you drowning in a sea of flyers

you tried to get the campus map out of your bag in attempt to find your way back to your room, but your hands were too full so a few pamphlets slipped out of them

as you went to pick them up, Sungwoon had already reached down and gotten them

you thanked him and he had smiled brightly before passing them back to you

“oh hey, I was thinking of joining that club too!” he had gestured to one of the many fliers you were holding

you hadn’t even had time to look at them yet so you had no idea which one he was referring to

“Maybe I’ll see you there!” he had beamed before heading off back into the crowd

you manage to reunite with your roommate after a little bit more searching and you both decided to head back to the dorm

You’re waiting for the lift to reach the ground floor because you refuse to climb 9 flights of stairs

as the door opens you see a familiar face

“Hey it’s you again!”

Sungwoon is standing there with one of your close high school friends, Hwang Minhyun

Minhyun looks between the two, “Sungwoon, you know y/n too?”

“I bumped into them before! They were holding a pamphlet for the ballad club that we were thinking of joining!”

He turns to look at you properly, “I’m Ha Sungwoon, I’m sure we’ll see each other lots this year y/n!”

You’re a bit taken aback by his positivity but it’s in a good way

Like you’ve never met someone with such a nice and welcoming aura

And it turns out that Minhyun and Sungwoon are roommates in the floor above you in the dorm

so you’d literally bump into them all the time

you’d lost count of how many times you’d now bumped into Sungwoon in the lift

He’d nudged your shoulder teasingly

“y/n, you’re not stalking me by any chance are you?”

“I could say the same to you!

After getting to know him you realised that Sungwoon was someone who was prepared for anything and everything

It started raining suddenly? Sungwoon’s got an extra umbrella

Feeling hungry? He’s got a special pocket in his bag full of snacks that could rival Ong Seongwoo’s.

You got a papercut? Sungwoon’s got a plaster, antiseptic, first aid kit, the whole shebang

The thing with Sungwoon though is that because he’s so nice to everyone it was easy to presume that he wasn’t flirting with yu

he’s just being the nice soul that he is

like you just assumed that he was this friendly to every person out there

so you never realised during lectures together last year, you were the source of his distraction

his eyes would wander over to your face admiring you from a distance

if you finished later than him for the day, he’d always wait for you in the library to walk back to the dorms with you

there was one day where your timetable was so packed that you barely had time to eat and Sungwoon had just pushed his lunch towards you insisting that he was full

it wasn’t only one way though, you had always been his biggest supporter

You’d go to all his singing performances, cheering him on loudly from the audience

you’d let him snooze on your shoulder whenever he hadn’t been getting much sleep which was often

so you were always worrying about his health because Sungwoon was someone who always put others before himself

He’s someone that you truly cherish in your life

You weren’t sure about your feelings for him, but after a long conversation with Minhyun, the two of you deduced that you indeed had a huge ass crush on Sungwoon

Minhyun was so fcking pleased because you had always nagged him about his crushes so now he could tease you about this one

And whenever he saw you and Sungwoon hanging out (which is often), he’d make little sassy remarks

“oh, guess I’m third wheeling again today!”

Fast forward to the start of your Junior year, you and Sungwoon had driven into the city to shop for new university supplies

The two of you have got the music turned all the way up and you’re both singing at the top of your lungs

Sungwoon’s phone starts ringing so he turns down the music and presses the answer button on the car dashboard (PSA never drive while using your phone!)

“SUNGWOOOON, where are you man?”

It’s Yoon Jisung, a senior and the ballad club leader

In the background you hear a commotion and snippets of conversation

You can clearly hear Minhyun’s low voice

“Jisung hyung, tell Sungwoon that he can’t come back today until he asks y/n out.”

Your eyes widen and you just look at Sungwoon who has gone a very bright shade of red

“Oh yeah, are you finally going to ask y/n out this year?!”

“I don’t know what’s stopping him, I’ve already told him that y/n likes him!” Hwang Minhyun, you traitor, how could you leak this info

“Because I swear, if I hear you gush over her again this year like you did for the entirety of the past 2 years of college I will banish you from the club”

“It’s getting hard for us Sungwoon, so we have to intervene.”

“Sungwoon?”

“Did he hang up on us? Oi, Ha Sungwoon, answer us!”

You’re still blinking rapidly at this discovery but it’s clear that Sungwoon is more shocked than you are at the current moment

You cough awkwardly and you can practically imagine all the guys on the other end of the phone freeze

“Uh…Sungwoon, i guess….you’re not alone….uh we’ll just…uh hang up now,,”

the line goes dead and the car ride just continues on in uncomfortable silence

you keep your eyes fixed to your hands that are fiddling in your lap not sure what to say

It’s so silent that it’s almost to the point where you feel like it’s suffocating you until Sungwoon finally speaks

“y/n, I hope this doesn’t change anything between us, but I guess seeing as I just got outed by the guys, I may as well come clean…”

He gives you a shy smile before returning his gaze to the road

You’ve actually never seen Sungwoon look so unsure and insecure before

“I really do like you. So much. But I totally get it if you like me as just a friend, i can imagine it’s probably quite awkward for you right now…”

You’re not sure if you’re imagining it, but you swear his hands are trembling from his nervousness as his hand tightens its grip on the gear stick of the car

Reaching over, you take his hand in yours and squeeze it gently

“Sungwoon, the feeling’s mutual, i really like you as well, and it’s been a long time too.”

And the sigh of relief that you hear from Sungwoon is the cutest thing ever

He squeezes your hand back, and runs his thumb gently across your knuckles

“You don’t know how much I’ve wanted to hear you say that yourself.”

you guys become the cutest campus couple ever

cute level = legendary

just the fact that you both look out for each other and everyone else around you, makes you such a loveable couple

also Minhyun tries to act all smug because he knew all along that you two were the perfect pair and always tries to take credit for your relationship

“Hwang Gallyang strikes again, I should just drop out and be a fortune teller.” 

And you and Sungwoon are just so done with him, like pls stop third-wheeling our dates hwang, we know you’re loud and proud about being a clairvoyant

but apart from that, you just have such a peaceful and happy relationship that’s full of a lot of adoration and warm hugs and kisses and whisperings of sweet nothings to each other

cries what a wholesome relationship i cant

hey all~! Hope you enjoyed this college!AU - I have a couple of tests at uni next week so posting will slow down a bit, but I have a few drafts that I’m excited to update and show to you all! Please look forward to them

[fire-emblem-heroes-supports]

M!Robin/Soren C-S Support

Written by  starciti

C SUPPORT

Robin: Aha! There you are!

Soren: Excuse me?

Robin: You’re Soren, are you not? Tactician of the Greil Mercenaries?

Soren: That depends. Who’s asking?

Robin: My name is Robin. They say you’re a brilliant strategist, you know.

Soren: Are you trying to bribe me? Flattery is not going to get you anything.

Robin: Peace, Soren. The only thing I want to ask of you is a moment of your time.

Soren: I’ll have to decline. I’m busy at the moment, as you can see.

Robin: Oh? Too busy for, say, a game of chess?

Soren: Chess? Why would I want to play chess with you?

Robin: I’m a tactician myself, you know. And I want to see for myself if you’re as good as they say.

Soren: There’s no need to spend time playing chess, if that’s all you want. If you’re truly so stubborn to be convinced, I suppose I can allow you to look at previous plans of mine.

Robin: I appreciate it, but that’s not what I meant. I want to beat you in chess, Soren.

Soren: Is that so? In that case, don’t bother. You’ll lose.

Robin: Are you truly so afraid of a challenge?

Soren: Quite the opposite, I’ll have you know. But if you’re so desperate for me to prove it to you, I will. As I said, though, I’m busy. Prepare yourself for a swift defeat.

Robin: You’re on!

[Robin and Soren have reached support rank C.]

B SUPPORT

Soren: Checkmate.

Robin: … Yes, it certainly is. Again.

Soren: You’re surprised?

Robin: Believe me, I wish I was.

Soren: It’s good that you’re not. I told you the first time you challenged me that you wouldn’t be able to best me.

Robin: Don’t remind me. You said it would be a swift defeat, and you weren’t lying…

Soren: I don’t tend to if I don’t have to. You are an interesting opponent, though, I must admit.

Robin: Well, thank you, I think. But I still can’t wrap my head around this. How do you manage to win every time when you open with the same move? You should be predictable, but I just can’t figure it out.

Soren: Hmm. Robin, you know why you keep losing, do you not? It’s painfully obvious.

Robin: What? No, I have no idea. What am I doing wrong?

Soren: Well, tactically speaking… nothing. Your strategies are sound, almost impressive; all you really lack is one thing.

Robin: Oh? And what would that be?

Soren: Sacrifice.

Robin: Excuse me?

Soren: I don’t think you should be surprised. My victories have been swift and plentiful, but look at how many pieces I have, and compare it to your own.

Robin: Ah…

Soren: Are you starting to understand? You’re too quick to throw away strategies because they risk sacrifice. Sometimes, that’s just something you’re going to have to accept.

Robin: I see… well, if that’s the case, then I think I’m going to have to admit a permanent defeat.

Soren: So soon? And after you were so intent on defeating me?

Robin: Well, if the one thing I’m missing is the one thing that I refuse to gain, then I suppose I never will beat you.

Soren: Why do you refuse to accept it? Sacrifice is necessary for the greater good of the army, at times. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you begin to emerge victorious.

Robin: Soren… I won’t deny that you’re a genius when it comes to tactics, but that’s just not something I can accept. These may just be pieces on a chess board, but in battle? That pawn is someone’s life. Someone with a family, with friends, with people who love and cherish them… Any soldier understands that there’s a risk of death, but if I can save someone’s life, I will. That’s not something I’m going to be able to change.

Soren: I see.

Robin: I’m sorry. I know I should take your advice more seriously.

Soren: No need for apologies. You’ve taken my advice and thought it through, and decided against it. Neither of us can change that.

Robin: Right… Well, thank you for your time, Soren. It’s been fun. Perhaps we can continue to play together after this, just for the sake of playing.

Soren: Hmm. I’ll consider it.

Soren: …

Soren: … I swear, that man gets more confusing by the day…

[Robin and Soren have reached support rank B.]

A SUPPORT

Robin: Soren? Are you sure you’re feeling alright?

Soren: What? Yes, of course, I’m fine. Why do you ask?

Robin: Well, you seem… distracted. You usually call out your moves as you do them, but you’ve been silent for the past few turns. I’m getting worried about you.

Soren: I… I suppose there is something on my mind.

Robin: Oh? We can set aside the match for a bit, if you’d like to talk with me about something.

Soren: I’ve just been meaning to ask you something; are you still frustrated by the fact that you can’t beat me because of your strategies?

Robin: Well, I mean… it’s certainly frustrating. My tactics work on everyone but you; I think I deserve to be at least a little perplexed.

Soren: I see. That’s exactly what I was afraid of.

Robin: Excuse me?

Soren: Your tactics are nothing to be frustrated with. You’ve mentioned in the past that you have a close relationship with the members of your army back home, correct?

Robin: Of course. The Shepherds are practically my family.

Soren: This is exactly what I was referring to. Tactics like mine, they’re effective, but I’m not exactly well-liked because of them. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Robin: Soren…

Soren: But you, Robin, you have nothing to worry about. Your strategies are effective, your men trust you; you have everything a tactician could ever hope for. It’s everything I could ever hope for, certainly.

Robin: Soren, you’re a wonderful person and a brilliant tactician. You know that, right?

Soren: I’m afraid that not many others share your sentiment. If we’re done with this, it’s your move.

Robin: Yes… of course.

[Robin and Soren have reached support rank A.]

S SUPPORT

Robin: Hello, Soren. Are you busy?

Soren: I always am. But I can spare some time for a match, if you’d like.

Robin: Perfect. I’ve set up the board, if you have some time right now.

Soren: You seem eager.

Robin: Playing with you is always a pleasure, after all. You want the black pieces, I take it?

Soren: It is customary, with us.

Soren: …

Soren: … Robin. Why is there a ring on my pawn?

Robin: Heh, of course you would notice so early. I don’t know why I expected anything different.

Soren: I asked you a question.

Robin: A question that I’m sure you know the answer to. You’re very smart, Soren; surely you can figure out why I’m giving you a ring.

Soren: You must be joking.

Robin: Er… excuse me?

Soren: You can’t be serious, Robin. You can’t… you can’t want to… to —

Robin: Soren, I love you.

Soren: H — Huh?

Robin: You heard me, I know you did. Soren, you’ve taught me so much — about myself, about you, and not to mention about chess and tactics… I don’t think I’ve ever learned so much from one person. You never cease to amaze me; you’re brilliant, and I know you’re a big softie under that cold front you put up.

Soren: Robin, you…

Robin: I want to keep learning. I want you to keep teaching me, showing me things that I’ve never seen before. After all… you’ve already taught me how to love.

Soren: …

Robin: Wh- Soren, are you crying?!

Soren: You… you really are serious, aren’t you?

Robin: Well — yes, of course I am. Why would I lie about this?

Soren: People lie all the time, Robin. It’s what they do. But you… you’ve never lied to me. You’re truthful, you’re determined, and so kind I don’t understand it, sometimes.

Robin: I don’t lie to the people I love, Soren.

Soren: No, I didn’t think you would.

Robin: Soren… If you don’t feel the same way, you can say so. This will probably be our most awkward match yet, but you don’t have to say anything you don’t mean.

Soren: Hold, Robin. You didn’t let me finish.

Robin: …

Soren: To be brief, I’ve not been shown much kindness in my life. The only person who’s ever been nearly as kind to me as you would be Ike. But you show a kindness that’s much different than his. You treat me as your equal, and yet you care about me with a sincerity that I’ve never seen before. It’s… it’s not something I want to let go of. You’re not something I want to let go of, Robin.

Robin: Wait, does this mean…

Soren: Yes, Robin. I will marry you.

Robin: Soren, that’s… ha, that’s amazing! I think you may have just made me the happiest man in Askr!

Soren: An overstatement, I’m sure. Though, I hold the same sentiment.

Robin: I’m glad to hear it. I swear to you, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure that I stay by your side.

Soren: That’s all I could ask for. Thank you, Robin. I… I love you.

[Robin and Soren have reached support rank S.]

[theheightsthatwuthered]

Hi. You once wrote you picture Lucy Snowe being aroace, that's interesting. I would love to know more of your interpretation. How would you interpret her relationships to John and Paul (and maybe even Ginevra)? Didn't Lucy thought in one scene, that Paul is now "more than a friend" for her or something? I'm always here for aroace headcanons (and 'Villette' is one of my favorite books) - so, convince me ;) (Sorry for my english btw)

Lucy Snowe: Aromantic and Asexual

Lucy for me was not a character who would ever want to get married and settle down with kids and all that expected life. She is a ball of anxiety and fear of the future but she is also fiercely independent. Now, of course, being independent doesn’t make you AroAce, you can be independent and attracted to people or in relationships of course. And the vast majority of Lucy’s independence comes from the fact that she has little choice. She has no family to support her and she loses contact with the Brettons for many years, so she is unable to even has that familial support from them.

But on top of this Lucy isolates herself. She speaks a few times of not having friends to speak of, but she also does not make any effort to make friends with anyone. She has a relationship of sorts with Ginevra but for the most part, this seems to be Lucy is putting up with her rather than wanting to be around her. She finds Ginevra tiresome and doesn’t approve of the way she treats people. The way Ginevra expects gifts and strings along men doesn’t fit in with Lucy’s ideals on how you should treat people. Ginevra is also self-entitled and stuck up which is problematic for Lucy who has always had to struggle to keep herself housed and fed. I would never look at Lucy and Ginevra as something in the realms of romantic and sexual because in my interpretation I don’t think Lucy even likes Ginevra very much. I think, for the most part, Lucy puts up with her because it's better the devil you know and there is something safe about the familiarity of the nightmare that is Ginevra Fanshawe.

Lucy is a fascinating character because she isolates herself. She doesn’t talk to people, she doesn’t make friends easily or at all. She is volatile – it is very easy to argue with Lucy Snowe, as M. Paul Emanuel discovers throughout the novel. It is easy to argue but not easy to befriend her. She is a very closed of person and this is a lot, I think, to do with her anxiety [and likely depression] but I think a part of it could also stem from a fear of attachment. If she is not experiencing any attraction in those ways and she is away that people are going to expect that of her, it is easier if she is alone and doesn’t make any attachments at all. However, it also becomes clear within the novel that she needs company. I could write essays on Lucy’s mental state but that’s not what this is about, so I’ll just touch on it. She becomes very ill when she is alone at the school over the holidays, her mind becomes her biggest enemy and she needs company in order to become back within herself. Lucy is a fascinating person who needs people around her but does not allow them to get close to her.

Anyway, moving away from Lucy’s mental health state. She shows, I think, no interest in anyone in a romantic or sexual way throughout the novel. Beginning with Dr John Graham Bretton [who I will be referring to as Graham because that’s what he’s called in my head].

Graham and Lucy know each other from when they were young. Lucy sees him again at the school and stares at him, in order to place the face and prove it is who she thinks it is. He thinks her rude, not knowing who she is at the time. This is interesting because this is a perfect time to show some sort of interest in the male species. But Lucy has none, there is nothing romantic about the language used to describe Graham, Lucy doesn’t talk about particularly liking the looks about him or anything of the sort. He, at point one, refers to her as his ‘God sister’ because his Mother is her Godmother, and siblings is the best way to describe their relationship. Lucy attends the theatre with him, seeing operas and plays, with no concerns from Mrs Bretton about the way the behaviour might be seen from others. Lucy has some concerns, but not because she harbours any of those feelings for Graham but because she knows how other people are likely to talk. Lucy and Graham don’t quite have the bantering relationship that Graham and Mrs Bretton have but honestly, I’m not sure Lucy is capable of having that with anyone, she is very closed off. But what they do have is a familial relationship where they are able to relax around each other and be comfortable but also be frank and honest with each other.

Moving on to M. Paul, the one that has the most right to argue romantic feelings from Lucy, I still don’t think they are there. Lucy and Paul have a relationship that is very on and off. They argue almost every time that they talk. They don’t like the way the other talks, they don’t like the others religious beliefs. But what they do have is a mutual respect. Paul falls in love with Lucy. I believe that from Paul’s side he’s feelings are romantic. He is conflicted for a long time and the religious issue is a big one for him but he is able to move past it eventually and he genuinely is in love with Lucy in a romantic and sexual way. Paul’s love for Lucy is the traditional get married and have kids type of thing.

In my opinion, Lucy does love Paul however, I don’t see it as a romantic thing. I see it as something more like companionship. It’s more a life partner idea for Lucy that it is a romantic partner type of thing. There’s a time when Paul asks Lucy if she will be like a sister to him and this is the time of the novel when we see Lucy most happy. She is overwhelmingly contented with the idea of having a relationship with someone in a familial way. At this point, I think Paul’s feelings for her are similar but for him, they grow into the traditional feelings I mentioned above and for Lucy they don’t. I think they grow for Lucy or rather they expand. I don’t know how to explain Lucy’s feeling, I think they are something beyond familiar but something that isn’t romantic. She loves him, but not in the same way that he loves her.

Lucy basically loses it when Paul leaves and she thinks she’s never going to see him or even get the chance to say goodbye. Her mental state that night [honestly, I need to write something about Lucy’s mental health at some time, it’s such a rich subject] is partly because she has worked herself up so strongly and partly because of what she is given by the directress [whose name is completely failing me right now] to try and settle her. This could, of course, be a big argument for romantic feelings. Lucy works herself into a terrible mental state at losing him? Surely that’s romance? In my opinion, that sort of attitude dismisses the importance of other relationship types. I cannot speak for other people but if I ran the risk of losing any number of my friends without a chance to say goodbye or see them again, I would probably get myself into the same state Lucy was in, in an attempt to find them or find peace again. Paul is important to Lucy because she loves him and he is the first person she has allowed herself to open to when she is always so closed off. That doesn’t have to equate to romance.

The other, and for me, the biggest argument for Lucy’s lack of romantic or sexual attraction though, comes from when Paul is away. Lucy feels guilty for saying so, but the time when Paul is away is the happiest of her life. Lucy is someone who is a lot more contented with doing something with her life, like running the school, than she would be with a romantic and/or sexual relationship. She has no interest in them, she has no need for them. She just needs some sort of connection with people and she finds what she needs with Paul.

Another way I think Lucy’s need for people but not romantic/sexual shines through is in her love of letters. Lucy comes alive when she receives letters from Graham or Paul. It gives her the connection without any strings attached and honestly, I think that sums Lucy up pretty well.

Please let me know what you think of my analysis of Lucy and whether you agree or not. And if not definitely why not. It’s awesome to meet someone who loves Villette, it gets so little love, it’s good to see some for it. Also, thank you for this ask because I’ve been meaning to write about Lucy’s AroAceness for ages and just haven’t got around to it. Disclaimer: If any facts are wrong, I wasn’t about to check with the book because it’s packed ready for me to move to uni. Also, your English is fine, lovely. :)

[in-the-in-betweens-blog]

One.

Life is inexplicable. This isn’t a particularly deep or profound statement by any stretch of the imagination, but it is true. We just sort of became a thing, the human race, without any explanation as to why we were put here. There was no manual, guide, map, or anything handed to us with clear instructions on how to live. One day, through whatever cosmic force you’ve decided to believe in, we just showed up and had to figure out everything for ourselves. No rhyme, reason, or help; just go out and live and enjoy the ride, because, at the end of the day, day, it really could end just as inexplicably as it all began.

Every single one of us struggles. Day in, day out, we all have fears and anxieties that we try our best to tackle. We try to swallow our pride and slog through the sometimes never ending sea of doubt that makes our lives frustrating to actually, you know, live. Some of us are actually pretty good at dealing with it. These are the type of people who, while not the happiest creatures in life, are oftentimes the most well adjusted. They are the types who, when presented with a problem, deal with it head on, because they know that if they don’t deal with it in such a manner, they will live to regret it. This is typically referred to as “common sense.” I don’t mean to sound condescending or anything; I just now that I am someone who lacks common sense in pretty much all facets of his life, so having it laid out in plain English makes me happy.

I like to think that I have common sense, actually. I mean, I’m not perfect, far from actually, but I like to think of myself a certain way. The problem, though, is that I oftentimes act without thinking, which happens way more than I am comfortable admitting. When this happens, I beat myself up internally for being an absent minded mess, and then I lose whatever common sense was actually stored in my head. The problem then has a habit of snow balling and becoming exponentially worse, and I’m left staring wide eyed into the big, glaring void that the world is and wondering just what in the flying hell I’m doing with myself.

Even worse is that not only does my behavior, however unintentional it is, effect me, but it is starting to get to those around me who. That’s one of those things that you never want to admit about yourself, you know? That your thoughtless, ignorant actions affect those that you love, care for, work with and for, and everything else. These people are just trying to do what’s right in their lives, too, and they’ve chosen to surround themselves with me, so my actions are just adding onto the stress that they already have to deal with themselves. Compounding all of this together makes everyone’s lives difficult, and it creates more chaos than needed. It’s hard being imperfect, because no one will ever be perfect, but it’s doubly hard when you have these forces all compounding on each other to form, to coin a phrase, a Shit Mountain.

So what do we do? Well, if you’re me, you’ve ignored these issues for close to 30 years and hoed that they would go away. The trouble with that logic is that not only do they not go away, they get worse. They fester for so long that, when they do come to the surface, you’re not prepared for them. I wasn’t prepared for them at all recently when they came to a head and almost cost me my job, my decade plus relationship, and my own sanity. Today alone, I had to leave work almost 8 hours early because I had an emotional breakdown that resulted in me sitting on the floor of my bosses office and crying. I’ve tried for a long time to convince myself that I had everything under control. I tried for a long time to tell myself that I can get through everything with a laugh and a smile, because I am strong enough to do that without seeking help. I’ve always been self-reliant to a fault, and I like to claim that I know myself, in and out, and that I am incredibly self-aware. I guess I didn’t know myself THAT well, because I wasn’t expecting to have such a break with reality. It’s sobering in more than one way.

Ignoring your problems and your mental health in hopes that one day they’ll magically disappear hasn’t gotten me anywhere in life. It’s put me at such a disadvantage in both my personal and professional lives that it’s almost cost me both. You can only have so much pride in yourself before it comes back to haunt you. I guess that’s why it’s one of the Seven Deadly Sins in the Bible. I’m not religious in any sense of the word, but you start to really wonder sometimes about things like this when it puts you past the point of desperation. Searching for answers in any medium is really all you have left.

I haven’t been particularly descriptive about what any of my actual problems are, and I suppose that’s the point. I’m not even sure what this is going to be, honestly. This was done in an attempt to sort things out and lay a foundation, because I need something right now. I’m not expecting anything out of this, or anyone to really read it. It’s long and filled with rambling bits, and I wouldn’t blame people for skimming and moving on. But, I do know that I love writing, and, in my quest to actually deal with my issues, decided to lay them out in blog form. It’s one of the few ways that I’ve ever been comfortable letting out my problems and not sugar coating things, so here we are, I guess.

Self care and dealing with mental health are, in my opinion, the most important thing in the world that gets ignored. They are the very building blocks of who we are and how we function in our day to lives and relationships with not only ourselves, but with other people. They’re what keeps us from waking into traffic, as horrible and morbid as that sounds. It’s important to focus on them, because taking everything for granted when we have been granted that weird, cosmic journey on Earth shouldn’t be wasted. I think it’s time that I, and everyone else, take care of ourselves a little bit better and to stop ignoring them.

More to come.

Thanks.

[mistleto-3]

Coming To Conclusions

Misaki is in the midst of a sexuality crisis, and is further thrown for a loop when he finds out Tatara is transgender.

Pairing: Misaki/Tatara (trans male!Tatara)

 5,241 words. Fluff.

Content warning for internalised homophobia, internalised transphobia, and mentions of domestic violence. Brief mikorei mention. 

(Slightly belated) Fic for my fav ginger’s birthday. 

AO3 | Ko-Fi

When Tatara had told Misaki he’d finally found a buyer his father’s old home and would be away from the bar for a couple of days to empty the last of the things out of the house, Misaki had been quick to volunteer to help him out. He’d reasoned that Tatara wasn’t exactly strong, and Misaki didn’t know how he’d cope moving heavy boxes and bits of furniture around by himself. Izumo was too busy running the bar to help him, and Mikoto was… well, Mikoto, so Misaki had taken it upon himself. It had taken a little while to convince Tatara to accept the offer- initially he’d been insistent that he would be fine on his own, and Misaki didn’t need to trouble himself, but eventually, he gave in.

It had been somewhat surreal for Misaki to enter Tatara’s childhood home- a tiny, run-down cottage just outside of the city. It didn’t seem like the kind of place someone like Tatara would have grown up. The house was fairly sparse; most of the furniture was gone, save for some of the things Tatara hadn’t had the space to bring with him when he’d moved into his apartment in Shizume city. The only indication Tatara had lived there were the knickknacks and paraphernalia of his old hobbies that cluttered the shelves, now dusty from disuse.

The pair spent the first morning moving out the furniture- most of it was rickety and held together with wood glue and duct tape, so Misaki pulled it apart and tossed the remnants into the dumpster Tatara had hired (he had great fun wielding the axe he’d found in the shed, though Tatara couldn’t watch in fear that Misaki would accidentally chop off his own foot, or something equally silly).

By lunchtime, the house was devoid of furniture. The pair had sat in the unkempt grass of the front lawn to eat their lunch, but as they returned into the building, Tatara was stopped in his tracks by the sight of the house he’d grown up in.

“Seeing it empty is so strange.”

Now that the cosiness of the mismatched and well-used furnishings had gone, the main room looked barren and cold. The wear was easy to see- the floorboards were scratched; the paint was flaking off the window frames, and damp had begun to peel away at the faded wallpaper.

Misaki didn’t know how best to comfort him, so he simply clapped Tatara on the shoulder in what he hoped was a reassuring way. “If someone’s buyin’ it then maybe they’ll do it up and it’ll get turned into a home again.”

Tatara smiled faintly. “I don’t know why I’m getting so nostalgic all of a sudden; it’s not like I had the happiest childhood here. But it’s still strange.” Despite the nod to what seemed to be a dark chapter of his history, Tatara’s expression was as carefree as ever.

“What do you mean?”

“Hmm?”

“About it not being the happiest.”

“Ah. As you can probably tell, we didn’t have much money when I was a kid. My dad… had some troubles. Debt, that sort of thing, and my mother left him when I was younger. He tried his best, but he was absent a lot, so I ended up being here by myself most of the time.” As Tatara spoke, he wandered over to the windowsill, where some of his old things still stood. He was still smiling slightly as he talked, as though he was simply discussing the weather.

Misaki frowned, but followed him across the room. A few photographs in cheap wooden frames perched between the other keepsakes and souvenirs on the sill. Tatara picked one up, leaving in its shadow a clear spot amongst the thin film of dust that covered the rest of the surface, and he smiled fondly at the faded picture.

“I still loved my family, and I still remember the happy times. My dad wasn’t a bad person, he was just troubled. It’s sad to think of what could have been here instead of an empty room if things had gone differently,” Tatara said, and as he spoke, Misaki peered at the photograph he held in his hands. The image had been bleached by the sunlight over the years, but it still clearly depicted a man and a woman, standing with their arms around one another in what looked to be a neater version of the front of the house. The lawn wasn’t overgrown, and flowers grew in terracotta pots beneath the window and beside the doorstep. Between them stood a little girl, smiling at the camera.

“I didn’t know you had a sister?” Misaki said cautiously, looking at the child in the photo. She bore a great resemblance to Tatara, but she wore a lilac dress, and her hair was longer and tied into pigtails.

“Hm? Oh, no, I don’t.” A sheepish look crossed Tatara’s face.

“Is that like your cousin or something then?”

“No, it’s me.”

Misaki raised an eyebrow. “Why are you dressed like a girl?”

Tatara smiled shyly. “I always forget you guys don’t know… I was sort of born a girl.”

Misaki paused, his brow furrowing as he tried to process the information. He was vaguely aware of people changing gender as a concept, but if he was perfectly honest, he was totally flying blind when it came to this sort of thing. He’d heard people mention things about sex changes and transsexual people in the past, but he was dubious about how reliable the information was.

He clammed up, stuttering as he tried to come up with something appropriately supportive to say, but his attempts were thwarted by the dozens of competing thoughts that bubbled to the forefront of his mind at the revelation. He bit his tongue, holding back the questions that even he had the good sense to know were inappropriate. Now that Tatara had mentioned it, it was sort of difficult not to notice how… feminine he was. Tatara had always been effeminate, but Misaki had always put that down to just being the way he was- that and the fact that Tatara was openly queer, and it sort of showed in his mannerisms. But in the light of what Tatara had just said, Misaki couldn’t not pick up on how delicate his hands were, how narrow his shoulders…

He shook the thoughts from his head- they felt disrespectful somehow, but he wasn’t quite sure why.

“S-sorry…” he began. “I’m, uh, not super up on all this stuff…” Misaki rubbed the back of his head nervously. “S-so that makes you, tra… transsexual, right?”

Tatara chuckled gently at his bashfulness, and to Misaki’s relief he didn’t seem offended. “That’s sort of an outdated term; most people use the word ‘transgender’ now, but yes. When I was born, they thought I was a girl, but I figured out as I got older that that wasn’t right.”

Misaki nodded slowly, and apologised again. “Who else knows…?”

“I was already out as a guy full-time by the time Homra really started to form, so the only other people in Homra who know are King and Kusanagi-san. And Anna. I try to keep it quiet- it’s not actively a secret or anything, but the guys have all always known me as a man, so it’s easier just to keep it that way.”

Misaki gave another nod. “I understand… I won’t tell.”

“You don’t have to treat me any differently or anything like that. I’m just like you and the rest of the folks in Homra, just wasn’t born with the same equipment.” He paused for a moment, then smiled, leaning against the windowsill. “I can tell this has kinda thrown you for a loop, hm?”

“L-Like I said, I don’t really… know anything about all of this.”

Tatara started setting the knickknacks from the windowsill in a cardboard box as he began to explain: “I figured out when I was about nine or ten that being a girl didn’t really feel right- I didn’t like being referred to as a girl or dressing in girly clothes. It’s like… how you feel when people say your name is a girl’s name, but turned up to eleven.”

Misaki nodded slowly.

“And then I hit puberty and my body started changing to be more like a woman’s and it made me uncomfortable, but I didn’t really put together why that was until I watched a movie with a trans character in it. I was watching English language films because my hobby at that point was learning English, and there was a woman in one of the movies that was ‘born a boy,’ so to speak. And I started to wonder: if she could be a woman even though she was assigned male at birth, maybe I could be a boy. So I did some research, and here I am.”

“But like… how do you look like a dude?”

“Testosterone injections. I’ve been on them for two years now; they help to masculinise my body- changing the way I store fat, making my voice drop, making me grow a bit of facial hair, amongst other things... Well, we’re still getting there on the facial hair front,” Tatara conceded, fingering a patch of sparse peach fuzz on his jawline.

Misaki smiled a little at the self-deprecating joke. In a way, it sort of dropped it all into perspective for him- worrying about being able to grow stubble was such a normal thing for a guy to worry about (indeed, Misaki had his own insecurities around his smooth face). “That… makes sense, I think. As long as you’re happy, I guess it doesn’t matter whether the doctor said you were a boy or a girl when you popped out, right? S-sorry if I say anything dumb.”

“It’s okay- you’re learning. If you have any questions, you can ask.”

Misaki offered a weak smile. “Thanks.”

The rest of the afternoon passed mostly without incident- the pair continued packing away the keepsakes on the shelves, and by the end of the day, they’d finished emptying the house even though Tatara had predicted it would take a couple of days. Having two sets of hands made quicker work of it, even with Tatara pausing every now and again to recount some anecdote about an old hobby of his, or a childhood memory. The insight into Tatara’s youth was sort of strange for Misaki. Aside from the whole him not always having been a dude thing, it was weird to see him talk so casually about what was objectively quite a neglectful childhood. It amazed Misaki that he turned out to be the sunny person that he had, considering everything he’d been through. Especially considering that the only other neglected kid Misaki really knew was Saruhiko, whose attitude was the total opposite of Tatara’s.

But underneath that, Misaki could still feel himself seizing up. He tried to distract himself with the packing, but there was only so much of his brain he could occupy just putting stuff in boxes. He felt like an ass for it, but he could feel the anxiety he usually only got around women tying knots in the pit of his stomach. And he didn’t know why- he’d always seen Tatara as one of the guys; why should he feel any differently now? He tried to avoid his friend’s eye as he worked, chewing his lip as a wash of guilt settled over him.

And of course Tatara noticed- Tatara was the sort of person who could read people’s thoughts off them like they were typed across their foreheads.

“Yata-san, is something wrong?”

“H-hm? Oh, no, just tired I think,” he offered, attempting to give a reassuring smile.

“Well, we’re nearly done here at least,” Tatara replied, though Misaki wasn’t entirely sure he was convinced by the lie.

It wasn’t until he got home that Misaki could really reflect properly on what it was that had been bothering him all day. He kicked off his shoes, collapsing onto the couch in his apartment and staring up at the ceiling with a deep huff. He didn’t like to think about this sort of thing- in fact, he actively hated it. But he hated the idea of Tatara feeling uncomfortable even more; he didn’t want Tatara to think Misaki’s obvious awkwardness and discomfort had anything to do with him being trans.

In a rather uncomfortable recent period of self-discovery, Misaki had come to the realisation that the reason he wasn’t exactly confident around women was because he didn’t feel the way he thought he was supposed to about them. Ever since he was a kid, he’d seen men in real life and in the TV shows he watched lust over women, pursue them to the exclusion of all else, obsess over them, get in fights and fall out with their best friends over them. It seemed to be the norm to do stupid and detrimental things just to get in some girl’s pants.

And Misaki didn’t get it. He just didn’t. He didn’t get what was so great about the idea of dating a girl or kissing a girl or having sex with a girl or whatever.

And then he’d met Tatara and the pair had become close friends, and Misaki suddenly started recognising the feelings he’d heard people talk about in the past- the butterflies in your stomach, the dry throat, the daydreams, the distraction, the desire to spend time with them. Except he didn’t feel them about a girl; he felt them about Tatara. Tatara was kind and funny and gentle and beautiful and Misaki felt a sort of magnetism toward his clansman that he’d never felt toward any woman.

It had taken Misaki a long time to process the fact he thought he might be gay- even now, he hadn’t completely made peace with the fact, and he’d never breathed a word about it to anybody.

At first, he’d worried he was a misogynist, and that was why he didn’t like girls in that way. Which had made him hate himself. Ever since he’d seen the black eyes his biological father used to give his mother before they’d gotten divorced, he’d promised himself he wouldn’t be the kind of guy his dad was. Being the sort of man who respected and cared for women, the provider, the man of the house, the protector, was important to him. It had taken a while to reconcile this desire with his lack of attraction to women.

In a weird sort of way, it had helped when he started hearing rumours that Mikoto was involved with the Blue King. Mikoto was the kind of guy Misaki had always aspired to be- he was strong and brave and he protected those who couldn’t look out for themselves and he never let himself show weakness. The only depiction of gay men Misaki had ever seen before that were the stereotypical effeminate guys with lisps and feather boas, and as much as Misaki respected those people, that wasn’t what he wanted for himself. And then he’d caught Mikoto and Reisi kissing in the bar, and aside from his initial mortification, in an odd sort of way, Misaki was comforted. It was reassuring to know that someone like Mikoto could still be… well, Mikoto, and still kiss guys at the same time.

It had taken months, but Misaki had finally started to come around to the idea that he might be gay after all, and maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. He’d even started to fantasise about asking Tatara out, and had a plan half-formulated in his brain.

And then this happened. He’d discovered the guy he felt so strongly for had been born with what most people would deem a girl’s body, and now the parts of himself that had fought so vehemently to suppress the idea he might be gay had resurfaced with a vengeance. They told him he was wrong after all- if the guy he wanted to date wasn’t really a guy, then maybe he wasn’t really gay.

Misaki pulled the front of his beanie down over his eyes in frustration with himself, resisting the urge to pull on his own hair. If he’d heard anyone else suggest that Tatara “wasn’t really a guy” because of the way his junk looked when he was born, Misaki would have punched their lights out. He knew Tatara was a guy- he’d been a guy as long as Misaki had known him. But he was having difficulties getting those intrusive thoughts to shut the hell up.

Eventually, he managed to get them to tone down their misgendering, but he still couldn’t quite shake the thought that maybe if he was attracted to someone with what most would consider female body parts, then perhaps he wasn’t gay after all. He didn’t even know what parts Tatara had- even he had the good sense not to go asking about whether Tatara had boobs or what he had in his pants, but even the slightest prospect that Misaki might have a crush on someone with a vagina was enough to sow seeds of doubt in his head.

And Misaki could feel that doubt starting to make him act strange. His nervousness around Tatara continued to bug him, and he felt his cheeks heating up whenever he was in his vicinity. He’d also noticed himself getting more protective of his friend. Tatara’s effeminate appearance often meant that people weren’t quite sure right off the bat how to gender him, and it wasn’t uncommon for people in his vicinity to be heard whispering to one another wondering if he was a man or a woman.

Unfortunately for the whisperers, Misaki overheard some of them one day, and something just sort of snapped in him. A pair of boys from the nearby high school were walking not far behind Misaki, Tatara, and Dewa as they made their way back to the bar.

Chuckling, one of them whispered to the other: “Do you think that blond is a dude or a chick?”

Misaki normally wouldn’t have done more than shot them a glare, but this time, before he could stop himself, he whirled around and snapped at them:

“Are you an asshole or just an idiot?”

The boys looked flabbergasted for a moment, but then had the decency to mumble an apology as they hurried past, abashed.

Tatara tried to assure Misaki that it was alright- he didn’t have to defend him, but Misaki hadn’t been able to resist the urge. A part of him knew he was overcompensating for the intrusive thoughts he’d had after Tatara had first come out to him, and it only made him feel more guilty.  

Misaki could feel himself continuing to acting weird for a couple of weeks. The unwanted sexuality crisis was bad enough, but piled on top of that, his shame at the fact he was even having this crisis in the first place was eating away at him. Tatara was a man, regardless of whether he’d known that his entire life, and Misaki was attracted to him, but not to girls, and that made him gay. It was simple. So why couldn’t he shake the doubt taking root in his mind?

He was also mortifyingly aware of how observant Tatara was, and constantly convinced that his friend would pick up on his behaviour, and somehow figure out what it was that was on his mind. It’s not like it would be difficult- he’d mysteriously started acting strange right after Tatara had come out to him, and he hated the thought that Tatara would assume Misaki was uncomfortable with his gender identity.

Thankfully, he didn’t mention Misaki’s odd behaviour, and when Misaki’s birthday rolled around, he seemed as eager as ever to organise something to celebrate. Seeing as his birthday fell mid-week that year, Tatara had planned something big for the following weekend when more people would be free to attend, but he also insisted that they have a small gettogether on his actual birthday, even if most of the Homra guys wouldn’t be able to make it. Tatara had been so excited to plan it that Misaki couldn’t bring himself to decline (he felt awkward, allowing him to do all this when he was having all these shitty thoughts, even if he couldn’t control them), but he was secretly sort of reassured- at least he knew Tatara didn’t hold a grudge.

To Misaki’s relief, Tatara’s plans for his birthday itself were low-key: movies and pizza and a couple beers (the invitees were instructed not to tell Izumo that Tatara was enabling underage drinking) with the guys at Tatara’s apartment, and all Misaki had to do was show up. Unfortunately, only a few people could make it- most of the clansmen either had plans that night or work the following morning, so either couldn’t come, or could only do so for a few hours. Rikio seemed a little off all day at the bar, and predictably he texted to say he couldn’t make it as he had a stomach bug, which Misaki thought was fair enough, so at the start of the evening, aside from the host and the one celebrating his birthday, the guest list consisted of Yo, Dewa, Kosuke, and Akagi. However, most could only stay for one movie, with the exception of Yo, who left two-thirds of the way through the first film, citing a hot Tinder matchup as the reason for his premature departure.

When Misaki was left alone with Tatara, he offered to leave, not wanting to make things awkward, but there was a genuine smile on Tatara’s face as he asked him to stay.

“There are plenty of snacks left,” he joked, and Misaki gave a weak smile, settling back onto the sofa beside him.

And of course, Tatara immediately picked up on his odd demeanour. “Everything okay?” he asked casually.

“Y-yeah…” Misaki cursed himself internally for his stutter- Tatara didn’t seem too concerned before, but now he leaned forward in his seat, a crease between his eyebrows.

“You sure? You’ve been acting a little strange for a while…”

Misaki shut his eyes in embarrassment. “S-sorry…”

“Sorry? What for?”

“I’ve been acting weird since that day at your place…” he mumbled. “S-since you told me…”

“…Told you I’m trans?” Tatara offered, his tone neutral.

“Y-yeah… And I didn’t want you to think I was bein’ intolerant or anything. I’ve never seen you as anything other than a dude and that ain’t gonna change.” His voice was quiet, and though he’d opened his eyes, he kept them fixed on the coffee table. He drummed his fingers against the half-empty beer can in his hands anxiously; he didn’t really want to be having this discussion.

“I didn’t think you were being intolerant,” Tatara reassured him, and as he rested his hand comfortingly on Misaki’s shoulder, Misaki felt his heartbeat stumble in his chest. “You didn’t seem disgusted or anything like that. But I am a bit worried; what’s bothering you? Are you afraid of saying the wrong thing?”

“Y-yeah.” It was true, but only a half-truth, and Tatara obviously knew it.

“…And?”

Misaki shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I-It’s heavy, I don’t wanna be a downer.”

“You’ll probably feel better once you’ve gotten it out. I don’t mind.”

“I’ve never… talked about it before… I don’t wanna make things weird…” The words almost seemed to physically snag in Misaki’s throat.

“It won’t,” Tatara promised immediately.

Misaki screwed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath. “I-I sorta… had a sexuality crisis… and all the gender stuff brought it back up in my head.”

Tatara patted him on the shoulder comfortingly, waiting for him to elaborate.

“Over the past few months, I’d… I dunno, sorta figured maybe I was g-gay…” He let out a shaky breath- it was strange to hear that said aloud. “B-but it took a while to like… fully accept it, I guess. I thought you had to be like stereotypically gay, and I didn’t want to be like that. I didn’t want to have a lisp and watch crappy daytime TV and listen to Lady Gaga. So I fought really hard against the idea.”

Tatara smiled softly. “That’s okay. You don’t have to fit into society’s stereotypes to be gay; the only thing you have to do to be gay is to only be into other guys. I know it’s easy to internalise all the crap people say about queer folks, but liking other men doesn’t make you any less of a man.”

Misaki gave a weak smile. “Thanks…” Then, he sighed again, steadying himself to force out the next sentence. “I was getting pretty sure I really was… gay… especially after Mikoto-san started screwing the Blue King or whatever, like if he can kiss dudes and still be kickass then so can I…”

“That’s good. I’m glad you’re starting to accept yourself. There’s nothing wrong with being gay; you’re still you, no matter who you happen to fall in love with. Am I the first person you’ve told?”

Misaki nodded. “Mm. I’ve never even said it out loud.”

“That’s okay. There’s no pressure to ‘come out’ if you don’t want to, or even to label it if you don’t want to. It’s nobody’s business but yours, and perhaps any guys you’re interested in,” he added with a grin.

“T-thanks.”

“Is there anyone you’re interested in?” Tatara asked playfully, but then he paused, examining the expression on his friend’s face. “You okay?”

“Y-yeah, fine,” Misaki replied, but he spoke far too quickly.

“…Coming out wasn’t the only thing bothering you, was it?”

Misaki bit his lip. “I-I dunno if you wanna hear the other bit.”

“It’s okay, you can talk to me about anything.”

Misaki huffed a sigh, slumping back against the couch with a torn look on his face.

“I promise. No judgement.”

“Hnn… fine,” Misaki conceded, fixing his gaze on his shoelaces. “I-I thought I’d sort of come to terms with it, you know, the whole gay thing… and then you came out to me…” He paused, taking a deep breath. He didn’t dare look over at his friend. “…And all these stupid voices in my head I couldn’t get to shut up were doing some fucked up mental gymnastics to try and reason that maybe I wasn’t gay after all.”

Tatara tilted his head. “Why would that make you not gay?”

“Because… y-you’re hot, okay? It’s just an objective fact. Like, there isn’t a person alive who’s into dudes who wouldn’t be attracted to you. But these stupid voices were trying to persuade me that if you weren’t born a dude or whatever or if you have girl junk… n-not that I’m asking! Whatever’s in your pants is your business… but like… Ugh, I sound like such an asshole. I don’t know how to say it without coming off like a total douche. Like, you’re a dude, so whatever junk you have is dude junk, and I’ve never seen you as anything but a dude regardless of junk and I really need to stop talking about your junk I’m sorry…”

Tatara continued rubbing his shoulder. “Take your time.”

Misaki sighed, trying to slow down the pace of his words. “The dumb nagging voices at the back of my head were trying to twist you being trans into an excuse to say I wasn’t really gay, because I still think you’re hot even though you’re trans, and I’m pissed off at myself for trying to think that way.”

“You weren’t doing it on purpose. Like I said, it’s hard not to internalise people’s intolerance when you’re figuring yourself out. As long as it’s not really you talking, then it’s fine.”

Misaki gave a stiff nod. “T-thank you. S-sorry, I shouldn’t be making you comfort me for being like this… Y-you’ll always be a dude in my eyes and I’ll fight anyone who says you’re not.”

Tatara was quiet for a second, and Misaki finally lifted his gaze to look over at his friend, afraid he’d upset him. But to his surprise, a faint smile curled the corner of Tatara’s lips, and his cheeks were flushed.

“Totsuka-san?”

“People don’t usually question their entire sexuality just because one person they think is hot turns out not to have the junk they’re expecting them to. It usually takes a little more than that…”

Misaki opened his mouth to protest, but Tatara cut in before he had a chance.

“Yata-chan, do you have feelings for me?”

“W-what? Why would you think that?” Misaki’s heart squeezed in his chest in panic, and he could feel himself stumbling over his words.

Tatara gave him a soft smile. “I had suspicions for a while- you get this look in your eye when you look at me, but I didn’t really dare believe it…”

Misaki paused. “W-what?”

“I thought: ‘maybe it’s just wishful thinking,’ ‘maybe I’m just projecting’.”

Misaki blinked in shock, the surprise almost knocking the wind out of him- he’d forgotten to breathe for a second. He couldn’t quite allow himself to process what he thought Tatara was suggesting. The room felt sort of wobbly, as though he was dreaming.

“A-are you saying…?” Misaki didn’t quite have enough breath to finish the sentence.

But he didn’t need to. The next thing he knew, Tatara had cupped his jaw gently, and had leaned in to brush their lips together. Misaki froze on the spot, unable to do anything more than close his eyes.

Tatara pulled back, and after a moment, he chuckled. “Breathe, Yata-chan.”

Misaki nodded, finally managing to draw in a gasp of air. “Y-you…?” was all he could manage to say.

“…Like you?” Tatara finished for him, and Misaki managed another stiff nod of confirmation. “Yeah, I do. You’re handsome, and you’re really sweet beneath your hardcore exterior. After Fushimi left and we started spending more time together, I found myself really looking forward to seeing you, and getting butterflies and being self-conscious about how I looked because I wanted you to see the best side of me…” He blushed deeper as he spoke, and the sight of Tatara’s cheeks turning pink made Misaki’s chest feel funny.

He couldn’t quite summon words for a few second, and when he could, all he could think to say was: “A-am I awake?”

Tatara burst into a fit of giggles, rocking forward to bury his face in Misaki’s shoulder, almost bashfully. “You’re so cute…”

“S-shut up…”

Tatara looked up, a hopeful grin still playing across his lips. There was a playful twinkle in his eye, and Misaki didn’t think he’d ever seen anything so pretty in his life.

“So what do you say? Wanna go to dinner with me sometime?”

“I’m definitely gay,” Misaki blurted, staring at Tatara in disbelief. Now he’d finally come to that conclusion, he sort of couldn’t believe he’d ever doubted it- it seemed obvious now. He was really god damn gay and he had a big fat gay crush on his closest friend, the contents of his underwear be damned.  

Tatara giggled once more. “Is that a yes~?”

“F-fuck yes!” Misaki didn’t seem able to spit the words out fast enough, and Tatara threw his arms around his shoulders, hugging him tightly with a dazzling grin.

Misaki decided this was the best birthday present he’d ever gotten.