#everybody died before kakashi did

[wind-becomes-lightning]

found the recording that i made for lem where i read her the sakumo memories from kakashi retsuden and I am barely holding it together the entire reading but the break after kakashi almost passes out after the funeral and how minato catches him and says "you did so well", literally kills me

[comikadraws]

sasuke was going to genuinely plan out a genocide and it wasn't something he said in a fit of rage, right?

Was Sasuke Uchiha genocidal?

(2k words of analysis, manga screenshots, and other resources)

To refresh everybody's memory, Sasuke's plan was to destroy Konoha and everybody in it. Not that he actually did but those were his own words.

Now we can interpret this in two ways

Sasuke is blinded by rage and would, in a hypothetical scenario, act on his words (Sasuke is genocidal)

Sasuke is being dramatic and/or would get cold feet when confronted with the scenario (Sasuke is not genocidal)

In my opinion, the first scenario is far more likely to occur and the second lacks sufficient evidence to reasonably rule out that Sasuke is genocidal.

>>Analysis under the cut<<

Let's establish a few things before we begin. But feel free to skip to the next headline.

First, I will judge attempted crime as harshly as committed crime. Since this is not real life, there is no need to reward incompetence or luck. Either way, the focus of this discussion is Sasuke's intent and resolve.

Second, fictional characters don't exist in flesh and blood but as part of a narrative. This means that a character's decisions and psychology heavily depend on the author's intent.

Third, I love Sasuke's character. Do not misunderstand this as hate. This is an analysis of Sasuke's psychology and actions. He has been wronged in horrific ways and deserved better, but that won't make me sanitize his character.

Fourth, the red links are context links, linking back to my own posts. I highly recommend reading them.

The Sincerity of Sasuke's Death Threats

Sasuke rarely jokes around or speaks from a place of uncertainty or dramatics. He says he'll kill Danzo? You bet he does. He says he'll kill Itachi? He does. He says he'll kill Naruto? He tries that as well. Granted, two of these deserved to die (from Sasuke's POV) but what matters here is that Sasuke's threats are meant to be interpreted as sincerity rather than hyperboles.

Not that Sasuke never goes back on his words though, as is the case with the ending (although it is arguably a character inconsistency). The one of the few other time he takes back a threat (chapter 177) it is not a direct threat but an implied one that is based on a hypothetical.

Back then he reconsiders his words - but not really because he retroactively notices he didn't mean them but rather because Kakashi pulls an uno-reverse on him. Afterward, he has 3-4 years to spend on introspection only for him to repeat his threat in chapter 416. Sasuke readiness to induce harm to innocents does not appear to be spontaneous or ill-considered.

Sasuke generally hesitates every now and then. Like when he ends up sparing Naruto after he is knocked unconscious. Or sparing Dosu because Sakura begs Sasuke to stop.

But those moments occurred at an entirely different point in Sasuke's character arc at which he is rapidly bouncing back and forth between cruelty and mercy. More on that later.

The Devolvement of Sasuke's Morals

Sasuke acts entirely differently after the truth reveal. His morals have visibly changed for the worse. Perhaps it becomes the most apparent when comparing chapter 8 to chapter 481. Whereas Genin Sasuke would once help and support his teammates if they could not keep up on their own, a teenage Sasuke disposes of them.

This kind of development first occurs as early on as chapter 56 when Sasuke decides that growing stronger (ends) justifies carrying a curse mark (means). He is on a steady moral decline afterward, first willing to sacrifice his loyalties (Orochimaru), then uninvolved bystanders (Killer B, the other Kage, other shinobi, and samurai), and finally, a friend (Karin) all in pursuit of his goals. It is utilitarian in nature.

Also, please let's not discuss the validity of killing soldiers. We have already dealt with this question during Waves Arc and later when Itachi died. From Sasuke's and other characters' POV (and as evidenced by chapter 343), dehumanizing and discarding a person just for being a soldier on the wrong side is wrong.

What happened to Sasuke over time is, of course, a character arc. A corruption arc, to be specific. Let's make a quick trip.

A character arc is initiated by some sort of trigger event. If said event lies between a version A and B of a character, chances are that their sympathy, competence, or proactivity have become incomparable to each other. This is why a 13-year-old version of Sasuke (pre truth reveal, which is his trigger event for this specific arc) does not inform us about the workings of a 17-year-old version.

Before this triggering event, Sasuke is also in the midst of a turning point in his arc, hence the indecisiveness about killing Naruto. You can view this in parallel to the Hero's Journey's "Refusal of the Call" during which Sasuke is still hesitant about the road he is taking until the triggering event makes the decision for him.

Now, back to Sasuke's morals. Personally, I believe what stands at the helm of Sasuke's corruption arc is a decrease in self-awareness and a growing lack of empathy.

There's a certain hypocrisy to Sasuke's decision-making. Sasuke is grieving a brother but then attacks somebody else's brother. He is enraged about Konoha discarding Itachi as a tool but will then proceed to abandon his own comrades (Team Taka). He condemns the genocide committed against the Uchiha but then plans a genocide of his own. Injustice is only injustice if inflicted on Sasuke but not if caused by Sasuke.

This does not compare to a younger Sasuke, who uses his own trauma to understand and connect with others and to discern right from wrong. Sasuke is capable of empathizing with Naruto because he is lonely (like himself) and Sasuke finds Orochimaru "disgusting" for viewing humans as mere tools (like a genocidal Itachi). But, over the course of his arc, his trauma instead turns into a weapon to distance himself from others.

The in-universe reason for this change is likely that Sasuke's mind is fully occupied with his own grief and rage. He is blinded by it, so much so that he no longer has the mental space to accommodate other people's pain and suffering.

There is also a narrative device to this, usually applied in the "darkest hour", such as "Batman Grabs a Gun". The purpose is to draw attention to the severity of the situation while also providing more depth to a character by giving them an underlying layer (their emotions/struggles/etc.) beneath their facade (their morals/reputation/etc.).

In Sasuke's case, this is used to highlight his grief for Itachi which is greater than any moral principle Sasuke has.

Intensity and Duration

So, Sasuke is definitely blinded by his rage. But is it a "fit"? I suppose that this is a matter of definition.

Sasuke's hatred for Konoha appears to be a constant. It doesn't change. It doesn't lessen. Not after a couple of hours and not after a couple of days.

To me personally, due to its duration, this is no longer a fit of rage but a mindset - one that Sasuke seems to wholeheartedly believe in.

Regardless of this, we have no indication that Sasuke's rage would lessen anytime soon. On the contrary, actually. Sasuke claims that his hatred has only grown since then.

The question we now have to ask is whether or not Sasuke would be able to rein in his rage in time to spare innocent lives. Alternatively, and combined with Sasuke's willingness to kill his own teammates, it is entirely possible that Sasuke's rage would power through, as it did for approximately 300 chapters in canon.

The Attempts

Now, the most damning argument I have to offer is that Sasuke was already intending to make his genocide plans a reality (or take steps to do so) on three occasions. Twice during the Summit Arc and once during the War Arc.

On all three occasions, the reason why his plans don't come to fruition is because Sasuke gets sidetracked or stopped outright.

In addition, there are three other problems slowing him down. Right in chapter 416, Kisame explains that Sasuke is not strong enough to fight the entire village - even with Taka's help but even more so without them. This conflicts with Sasuke's belief that Taka likely won't approve of his genocide plans or should not be involved for other reasons (which is why Sasuke pretends in front of them). He both needs Taka and has to get rid of them.

Later on, Naruto declares that he will always be there to defend Konoha against Sasuke. My interpretation of this is that Sasuke not only honors his bond with Naruto but also recognizes that fighting Konoha and Naruto simultaneously is not strategically wise - hence he needs to defeat Naruto beforehand.

First Attempt

Sasuke takes Team Taka with him, believing them to be necessary backup. Then Obito intervenes who both threatens Sasuke and gives him the wrong impression that Konoha is "no more" - either fully eradicated or too weak to defend itself.

This might erase the need for Taka as Konoha is weakened significantly and Danzo can be targeted separately from the village.

Second Attempt

In the meantime, Sasuke kills Danzo. As explained by Kisame, a greater conflict with the entirety of Konoha is inevitable if you aim at major political leaders.

On his second attempt, he has coincidentally already managed to abandon the entirety of Team Taka, just as planned in chapter 416. But this time, before he can go to Konoha, he instead encounters Team 7. As explained previously, Sasuke soon realizes that he cannot destroy Konoha before killing Naruto. And before that, he needs to get his eyes fixed. This results in Sasuke's withdrawal from the fight.

Third Attempt

On his third try, the one in which he decides to target Naruto first, he instead gets sidetracked by the appearance of Itachi on the battlefield.

"Sidetracked" doesn't mean "giving up" or "displaying disinterest" in a different goal. Otherwise, Sasuke's training under Orochimaru for 3-4 years would be proof of his disinterest in killing Itachi. Sasuke is simply prioritizing urgent matters and acting strategically.

Now, all of this "getting sidetracked" might sound a little convenient. But the question is "convenient for who?"

It is of course possible that Sasuke is openly searching for excuses because he doesn't truly want to eradicate Konoha, making him a harmless villain. The other explanation is that Kishimoto was the one looking for excuses.

In a conversation, @theheirofthesharingan pointed out that Sasuke is being "saved by the narrative" ie. plot armor. Though not in the sense that he is being protected from harm but rather that he is being protected from inflicting harm, probably as an extension of Konoha's own plot armor. This also ensures that Sasuke remains "redeemable" and likable to the audience so that Naruto can fulfill his goal of bringing him back to Konoha.

Conclusion

As I said in the beginning, there is a huge mountain of evidence suggesting that Sasuke not only fantasized but would've acted on his revenge plans against Konoha. This is because

We know Sasuke to be a non-dramatic character who doesn't easily back away from his own words.

Sasuke is on a corruption arc, his morals declining far enough to kill a friend. It seems unlikely that he'd draw the line at a stranger.

From a writing point of view, continuing Sasuke's corruption arc makes more logical sense unless he experiences another trigger event. It also further highlights Sasuke's pain.

Sasuke has repeated his goal multiple times over, leading me to believe that his mood wouldn't change soon enough for Sasuke to second-guess himself.

Sasuke has taken steps towards the fulfillment of his goal. It is entirely possible that, if Konoha didn't have plot armor, Sasuke would've found the right time to destroy the village eventually.

Of course, Sasuke's morals are not entirely gone, as we can see when he refuses to join Kabuto (though potentially just because Kabuto antagonizes Itachi). It is still entirely possible that Sasuke would've gotten cold feet when physically confronted with the task of killing innocent civilians. But this possibility is hardly entertained by any of the characters and Sasuke himself doesn't seem conflicted about his plans. It seems like Kishimoto intended for Sasuke to be genocidal, most evidence pointing toward this reading of his character.

I certainly have my opinions on this matter but, like always, this is a matter of interpretation.

Debating me is fine. I like to discuss my favorite characters. But screenshotting, blocking me, and then attacking me behind my back (and without having ever interacted with me) in a new post is a no-go for obvious reasons.

[lorillee]

im always thinking about kakashi flashback:2 if im honest. its like seriously sickening to me makes me crazy insane two big things 1) how seriously miserable he is throughout the entire flashback and 2) how guy was the one who dragged him out of that hell and kakashi doesnt even know it. like it makes me so crazy insane. like guy was the only one to keep reaching out to him and he never like pushed it he never made kakashi do anything he didnt want to do but he always extended his hand whenever the opportunity arose. and like its pretty obvious to me that by the end of it asuma and kurenai have would have entirely given up on him if not for guy, and its clearly guy's initiative that gets them to go with him to entreat hiruzen to make kakashi a jonin leader instead of continuing his anbu career. like it makes me crazy insane .

because like i said earlier kakashi is just so potently miserable throughout that entire whole like 12 episode long arc i dont think he smiles like once before passing team 7 like they seriously did save him in such a profound and visible way and it was guy's unconditional love of kakashi no matter how much he was pushed away that allowed any of this to happen. like it makes me sick and ill and twisted because literally almost everybody who kakashi forms some sort of emotional attachment to dies (sakumo, obito, rin, minato, kushina) and he blames himself at least in part for the majority of those. like you can tell hes opening back up a little bit when hes hanging out with guy on the night of kuramas attack but then immediately after minato and kushina die, which theoretically couldve been prevented if he had been able to control kurama with the sharigan instead of being pushed to the sidelines, and he immediately shuts guy out again because if another person he cares about dies if another person he cares about gets killed by him either directly or indirectly he literally wont be able to take it.

he shuts guy out in a desperate attempt to not get attached to get him to stay away from kakashi who gets everyone he touches killed. but guy refuses to abandon him no matter what and you can only imagine how much this terrifies kakashi on such a fundamental level and it makes me sick in the head because after forming team 7 kakashi starts opening up his heart again and forming genuine connections willingly for the first time in so so long and it almost seems like everything will work out and then guy willingly attempts to kill himself in one last attempt to stop madara in front of kakashi who is powerless to stop it to do anything and worse yet through his own logic caused it by killing rin and he just has to sit there as a bystander once again while yet another person he loves dies as a direct result of something he blames himself for and it like . Well can we walk off a cliff? Together?

[resolutepath]

*puts on ninja cloak* ✵ Iruka for Kakashi (I'm preparing myself for this to be lowkey unimpressive and borderline insulting to his abilities 🤭)

Their first impression of your muse: Weak. Not suitable to be a shinobi because his heart is too prominent on his sleeve. There was little regard towards Iruka as an individual because at this point in his life, Kakashi was fully immersed in the nature of the shinobi, scorning any who did not fit into the view of them that he'd internalised. To him, Iruka was essentially deadweight, likely to bring any team down, and someone who did not follow the rules that he held so important. In the end there was little regard towards Iruka and he considered him one of those shinobi who would end up on the memorial stone within a year of making chunin.

Current impression: More than he appears. Kakashi, who is now on the path to healing, is willing to acknowledge that Iruka is both a capable shinobi and an emotive person. He can be both. He recognises the ferocity in Iruka, that the man can use his passion and feelings to an advantage to defend (the fact that Iruka stood up to him does resonate, even if he was cutting at the time). Does he think its a sensible choice? Absolutely not, he still finds Iruka baffling, but he suits the role he plays in the village. Just as Kakashi is a weapon, Iruka is a protector and educator.    

Are they attracted to your muse?: He does not know it for reasons I've mentioned before, aka Kakashi and connections. They went to the grave with his teammates and sensei and father*. Is Iruka someone who has forced themself into his realm of awareness and has Kakashi acknowledged him, however? Yes. Definitely. He's recognised Iruka as an individual rather than one of the many chunin who pass through the village, he's given time to learn his name, his identity, things that matter to him. He'll spend time with him, and the most telling, he'll turn up on his doorstep when he's injured or chakra depleted but avoiding the hospital. So is he attracted? No. But Iruka is something to Kakashi. *There are some connections that Kakashi has but through sheer belligerence of the other side aka Gai & Tenzo.  

Something they find frightening about your muse: How obviously he wears his heart on his sleeve. It's a target waiting to be stabbed, a weakness ready to be exploited, an easy way to get hurt and he's doing nothing to protect it.

Something they find adorable about your muse: The moment before Iruka yells when his expression changes. It's one of the few things that spark his more impish nature and encourage him to anatagonise more. He also thinks Iruka is adorable with Naruto in all the ways the boy needs.  

Would my muse sacrifice themselves for yours?: Initially no, simply because Kakashi knows his value to the village. Who is worth more - the sensei or The CopyNin / Sharingan Kakashi who has more missions under his belt than everybody except the three sanin, has anbu experience and can manage Naruto if things go wrong with his seal to an extent. There's no contest. Later, however, we know that changes because Kakashi steps in between Iruka and Pein. I think by then Kakashi has acknowledged that the future does not need weapons, the future needs those willing to nurture it. And if he dies fighting his best to protect the future, then that's the end he can ask for.

Would my muse go on a date with yours?  platonic/romantic:  Not knowingly. Again, Kakashi and connections. That being said, he is not averse to spending some time at Ichiraku's or an izakaya and update Iruka on Naruto's progression either directly or by sharing updates he's received from who Naruto is training with. Does laying on Iruka's floor bleeding count as a date? Again as time goes on and Kakashi comes to acknowledge there is something there, he's curious to prod at it so more willing to explore with Iruka.

One word my muse would use to describe yours: Hurricane. Because while Kakashi is a leaf (shinobi) following the direction of the wind, Iruka is the hurricane that throws off the course he's known and shows possibility. It also describes his personality.  

Would my muse slap yours if they could?: No he prefers to offer cutting remarks in a cold tone with no emotion.

Would my muse hug/kiss yours?: Kiss eventually, hug he's more reluctant. Kissing is fleeting and he can back away if necessary (when he's ready to acknowledge all that is brewing). Before, the answer is no, why would he? But a hug is a lingering gesture and it makes him feel antsy, it takes him some time to get used to them.

↪ Send ✵ and my muse will answer the following. // @uminosensei

[ladyravenjadethe2nd]

Spoilers for If Wishes were Kisses Part 6

So I've told you about the prologue. I'd like to make it one huge chapter and have only one other chapter in part 6 that being the epilogue.

The Epilogue would be in Alluka's point of view. She's old. She doesn't have much time left, but she thinks about her friends and family. We see glimpses of happy moments of her life and as she lay their dying she talks to Nanika about her few regrets....right before she passes she makes a wish....

This will be set up in a way to make sequel although I may let others make their own sequels if they would like. This is a very long story after all so I may not be ready to do it all over again, but if I do have the interest and motivation left I may add one more chapter to this story. I may write the first chapter of the sequel here.

It opens with Zeno Zoldyck's death in the Dark Continent. Only days after the death of his grandson all of his other grandchildren, the future of the Zoldyck family, disappears in a flash of light.

Zeno, Silva and Kikyo searched the world over for them, but they could find no trace.

In desperation to keep the family Kikyo tried to have another baby. She was over her childbearing years so the treatment she needed to carry to term was dangerous.

She refused easier ways and insisted on giving birth to the next Zoldyck heir herself. She died in childbirth and the child did not survive either.

Level headed Silva did not take the lose well. He had been angry, but rational when they could not find his children. His wife's death however led him to being reckless.

He went against what Zeno had so carefully taught him and started a pointless fight. It led to his own death.

Zeno was an old man now. The Zoldyck family could not die with him. His grandchildren were not dead they were only lost at least most of them were.

Zigg was the one that gave him hope. Another doomed venture to the Dark Continent was in order. There he could find a being to grant his wish. Zeno knew he would not make it out alive, but that didn't matter.

Zeno dies in failure. Another corpse consumed by the Dark Continent, but perhaps something was there. Perhaps an Aye did here the wish of his soul.

Zeno wakes up.

If I made a sequel Alluka's biggest regret would be that her birth parents never loved her so her wish would give them a second chance to do so.

I'm leaning towards a Naruto world with the Zoldycks being a Konoha ninja family. Zeno being being the father of both Silva and Kakashi's dad. Kakashi's dad would take his wife's last name and therefore be disowned, but Kakashi would be a Zoldyck cousin now.

Kikyo would be a Uchiha that gets blinded therefore giving her another reason to blindfold her eyes and makes the Uchiha family drama the Zoldyck drama.

I think I would give Silva and Kikyo a proper Adams style love story. Meeting for the first time in this new life on the battlefield bathed in blood. They would make Illumi on the corpse pile of their enemies and laugh at her clan wanting to keep them apart or have her not become a Zoldyck.

I actually like the idea of her clan tries to marry her off to someone in clan and she keeps killing them. They try to accuse Silva and he's just like I was on a mission at the time, but it would be a shame if more of your clan member kept dying wouldn't it? How many of your men do you think my wife is worth.

She gets her way, but the the clan whines until they agree that any kid of theirs that unlocks the Uchiha's magic eyeballs has to go to the Uchiha clan. They are like LOL K.

Illumi gets magic eyeballs at 8, goes to magic eyeball land, gets fast tracked into graduating, becomes a genin, turns around and goes I'm an adult now so I disown myself. I'm going home. In roughly two days at most.

I don't know if I would have all the kids or only some of the kids remember.

Either way Milluki is a fat genius that makes genin only to go straight to RnD where he is the best seal master that ever lived and jumps everybody into a full new tech age with his impressiveness.

He does secretly have the magic eyeballs, but he is smart enough to know they should be used to memorize books and read papers quickly instead of being on the battlefield. He finds a way to safely hide them and tells only his family.

Killua has the special white charka which is now a Zoldyck thing instead of just a Kakashi's dad thing. Zeno and Silva and even Kikyo are a bit unsure about how to raise their perfect child that must be heir to the family, considering how it ended last time.

They consider the fact that they are part of Konoha that focuses on teamwork and painfully deiced that while he will be trained like a Zoldyck he will go to the academy for the regular amount of time and he will be allowed to bond with his genin team.

Only his genin team will be acceptable friends as in Konoha genin teams are often called family.

By the way Gon is here as Guy's kid and it's hilarious. Of course they are a team. Don't know what I'd with Leorio and Kurapika.

Not sure about Alluka either. If she's trans I don't think there is much hope of her family besides Killua being nice about it. One of her regrets could be never fully transitioning so she is born a girl this time, but I don't know how well that would sit with me.

You know what could be kind of crazy? Naruto only had half of the tailed best sealed in him. What if the other half went to Nanika? Or because of Mulika's seals they are able to catch a different tailed beast or demon of some sort and seal in it in her?

If not that then I suppose Nanika would just be a crazy new bloodline limit. I'd like some thing where Nanika acts out and Silva handles it impressively.

Anyway that's all I have for that idea so far and it's a very big maybe on if I would ever try to write it. Such a big maybe I would allow people to take my ideas for a Naruto Zoldyck family to write their own fics about.

[plinkcat-gif]

thought of another silly goofy au

nsmap rin, canon obito, and obikitchen kks are sent to the same universe, due to reasons i haven’t decided yet. however in this universe, they are also their kid selves again, in their team minato days, and each of them think they are the only ones transported back and therefore, must act in character.

this premise is funny because they are all so fucking incredibly op.

scenarios in my head:

rin trying to make a seal back (and failing obv), and screaming “GOD FUCKING DAMNIT” while the seal bursts into flames behind her, getting up to stomp away only to see obkk. collective agreement of “that never happened.” obkk r like “maybe i’m just way more observant now damn rin never used to curse like that”

obikitchen kks using mokuton at the rincident when nobody’s looking, obrin turn around and there’s just 20 soldiers inexplicably dead behind him

EVERYBODY BUT CANON OBITO HAVING PARTNERS SHOW UP FOR THEM. I WILL DIE.

kamui being a vessel for True Forms, so whenever obt goes there he’s his adult self because kamui moves across dimensions or whatever. anyway he takes kkrin there for a moment and he’s like Oh What The Fuck

the rincident, where rin’s like no i NEED to go on this mission. and kks is like FUCK NO. finally admits he’s from another universe and rin’s like OH ME TOO. THATS WHY I NEED ISOBU and kks is like “??? you were going to traumatize me???” his puppy eyes are 1873489274929102848593x worse as a child and rin’s like NO. no. i can talk to him he’ll understand, but we need his chakra to get back to our own worlds

kannabi, obito gets crushed but never gives kks the sharingan because he turns on a dime and fuckign decks kks before they go into the cave, knocking him completely unconscious

kks sees it coming and is like “ah. what have i done to deserve this?” he asks and obt is like “uhhhhhhhhhhfffuckk. have you ever heard of tourette’s?” (<- tourette’s, something deidara always blamed his impulsive punches on (deidara did have tourette’s. the punching was not tourette’s)). obt has no idea what tourette’s is. kakashi does and decides to say nothing of it. it is never brought up again.

rin learning she died in obt’s universe and in her head being like “bitch” while isobu flips her off. so true

[animeomegas]

Omega!Naruto Characters - Death from a broken heart.

Anon:  I don't know if you do, but some aus say that a person can't sruvive after their mate dies, like they die from a broken heart. Do you have that in yours, can you write who would be most likely to die mayeb please xx

(I love this headcanon! In my au, I think that if a person feels like they have nothing left to live for after their mate dies, they die with them. This is my ranking for how the boys would react when you had been mated for a while, but before having children. 

I wrote a Naruto one first, but I’m already half way through a BNHA version, so look out for that.)

Warnings: Suicide, major death, depression.

LEAST

1. Naruto – ALIVE – He is in mourning for a long time, but ultimately, he manages to turn your death into something meaningful. He memorialises you with a beautiful shrine in your home that he can’t bear to leave. He tries to ‘solve’ whatever it was that killed you. For example, if you died from sickness, he would assign lots more funds into the hospital and medicinal research. It’s not easy for him at all, but he could move on someday and take another mate, many years down the line. He has so much love to give and he wants to receive love in return, and he knows you would want him to be happy. However, he would never tolerate a new mate who was jealous of you or wanted him to get rid of your shrine. He could never do that to your memory. He picks a mate he knows you would love.

2. Iruka – ALIVE – He is deeply depressed when you die. He throws himself into his work as much as he can, distracting himself until he has a complete breakdown. He relies on his friends a lot during this time. Iruka eventually learns to distract himself in healthier ways, processing with your death in smaller increments rather than all at once. He might get another mate, but it would be very unlikely I think. It would be more likely that Iruka decides to adopt an orphan and throw himself into raising that child with as much love as he can. He would raise the child knowing you as their other parent, telling them stories about you, showing him pictures and visiting your grave with them.

3. Gaara – ALIVE – He is angry. It has been a long time since he was this angry. Gaara blames himself for a long time, which sends him down a dark path. Ultimately what saves him is his siblings. They keep him sane and happy to the best of their abilities and Gaara throws himself into his family as a result. It’s the only place where he can feel okay, if only for a little bit. If his siblings ever have pups, Gaara is committed to being the greatest uncle of all time and the pups love him. However, he can’t help but get lost in his thoughts sometimes, wondering what your children would have been like. He misses you every second of every day. He would be extremely unlikely to get mated again.

4. Shikamaru – ALIVE – He is furious. With the situation, with himself, and with you, for leaving him alone when you promised you wouldn’t. Another one who leans a lot on his friends and family to get him through the darkest time in his life. He lashes out at people and is very difficult to deal with after you die. I definitely see him as the kind of person to take on one of your hobbies to help him deal with your loss. Whatever it was you loved to do the most, he will start doing as a way to ensure that he will never forget you. He may get mated again, he may not, it depends a lot on if he meets someone he falls in love with again. But if the clan elders ever try and push him to mate again so that he can have an heir, he will flip his shit big time. He sees it as a direct attack on your memory.

5. Shino – ALIVE – He withdraws into himself. He speaks to no one other than his father for about a month after your death, refusing to go about his life as normal. Because it’s not normal and it will never be normal again. He takes a long hiatus from missions which he spends sorting through his thoughts and memories of you. The things he never said, the things he never got to do, the things he should have done. He tortures himself for a few weeks before his father pulls him out of his slump by force. They go for walks together, trying to find certain bugs, just like they did when he was a child. They cook together, Shibi closely monitoring Shino’s diet, knowing that hunger takes a big hit after the death of a mate. This is what saves Shino, but he will never mate again. He refuses. He couldn’t do that to your memory, but he also couldn’t do it to himself. Not again.

6. Neji – ALIVE – He gets so close to death. He stops eating, stops getting out of bed, stops working. He just lays there wasting away. He is convinced that he’s going to die and he feels weirdly happy about that. He doesn’t fight it at all, but instead embraces all his misery. It’s when his teammates come to visit him that everything changes. They find him close to death and panic. They rush him to the hospital, making sure that someone is with him at all times. They tell jokes, they organise games and read to him, anything to make him feel better. And it works enough that he can leave the hospital in a fortnight. Even after that, they keep up around the clock supervision for him, making sure that he is never alone with his dark thoughts for too long. Slowly, but surely, he recovers. But he never forgets. And he certainly never mates again.

7. Itachi – DEAD (kind of) -  Itachi shuts down, but he doesn’t die, at least not immediately. He hyper focuses on his plan, following the steps automatically. He’s happy with every step he completes, because he knows the final step is his death. He clings to the knowledge that he will die soon, which ironically is the only thing that keeps him alive. He is colder than ever. From an outsider’s perspective it might not seem that he is that affected, but when he’s alone he just sits in silence, sometimes tears run down his face. When he is finally an inch from death at the hands of his brother, he smiles. He doesn’t think he’ll see you again. He doesn’t think he deserves that kind of happiness. People like him don’t deserve that. But at least, he hopes, it might stop hurting.

8. Kakashi – DEAD – He’s been through so much, that he thinks he should be able to cope by now. He knew this was going to happen after all. He waited so long to get mated, because he was scared, because he knew that you would leave him or be taken from him like everyone else. He’s tired. He’s so tired. He’s probably at least nearly 40 at this point, he’s far older than he ever thought he’d be. You taught him what it meant to truly live, not just survive. He can’t go back to how he was, he can’t. He goes to your funeral and stands there in silence. He accepts every condolence and offer of help with a silent nod. He promises his friends that he will go to a specialist therapist first thing in the morning. When everybody leaves, he sits by your grave all night, asking you for forgiveness for everything. For not being quick enough to save you, for pushing you away so much at the beginning of your relationship, and finally, forgiveness for what he’s about to do. He knows you would tell him to fight and survive the heartbreak, but he can’t. He heads back to his apartment for the final time, breathing in the air and taking in the sights. He piles everything he has that smells like you onto his bed and lays down in it. He apologises one final time before closing his eyes, knowing that he won’t be waking up.

9.  Sasuke – DEAD – He should have known his would happen. Everything he loves gets ripped away from him, so why would you be any different? He’s furious when he hears the news. He destroys your house, throwing and smashing everything he can get his hands on. And when he’s destroyed everything, he just sits down in the middle of the living room floor and cries. He knows that people will show up soon. He knows that everyone knows he’s at risk for hurting himself, but he won’t let them take away his choice. He doesn’t want to do it anymore, he just wants to be with you. So he collects himself for a moment and then he runs. He doesn’t pick a place he just runs where he knows no one will think to look. He ends up sitting in between some trees on the floor of a training ground no one uses. He watches the stars for a few minutes, remembering every time he would do that together with you. He talks to you quietly, closing his eyes and convincing himself that you’re laying beside him. In the end, he doesn’t wait to die from his broken heart, he does it himself.

MOST

[sup-hoes-its-me]

Skinny Love II (Kakashi x Reader)

A/N: second part to skinny love. This is all angst. Very sad. I just watched the pain arc again and had to write something about Kakashi and what happens. Im guessing this could be tagged for spoilers but Naruto is old soooo. 

Word count: 5000

“I’m just saying, maybe the second novel is better than the first. You’re free to have your own opinion, that’s just what I think.”

“Well, you’re wrong.”

“Whatever you say,” Y/N laughed, rolling her eyes at the masked man sitting in front of her. She was sipping on a hot bowl of broth after coming home from her most recent mission. It was a nice day out, and she thought it would be a good idea to go out and get something to eat with her favorite shinobi. He was dangerously possessive over his romance novels, and felt immense embarrassment when Y/N decided to pick them up as well. 

For a week after finishing the series, she mocked him for liking the gushy, mushy romance that lied on the pages, not to mention the more inappropriate chapters that left nothing to the imagination. Master Jiraiya wasn’t kidding when he said he was doing “research” at the bath house.

“We should go out more often,” he commented, “It’s nice to relax with all this Akatsuki business going on.”

“Definitely. We used to go out like this all the time before you started training those kids,” she hummed. It was true. They had normal outings at that point in time, as the only thing they did was go on missions and then chill at home until the next outing. After Naruto and Sasuke revealed their unique personalities, and got themselves into some sticky situations, the times changed and they spent much more time apart than before. “Not to mention going out with you gives me an excuse to eat whatever I want.”

He nodded in reply, his eyes trailing down to his novel once again which he was skimming over. She didn’t mind him reading at the table. What was he supposed to do? Eat? There was no way he would take off the mask. He was content just giving her company. 

His reading gave Y/N an excuse to admire him. Her eyes would lift from the table every time he looked down at the pages, and she would take in all his features. She swore, he was one of the most handsome men she’d ever met, even with the mask. Without a mask, he probably resembled a god. It was nice to just watch as he relaxed into his novel, enjoying himself without any cares in the world. 

She liked to talk to him even more. He always knew the right thing to say to make her feel important and wanted, even on her worst of days, he was there to make it better. He was brave and strong, but kind and gentle when need be. His soft words in the late nights they hung out, or his concern when she injured herself, or the happiness the times she made him laugh. Each moment meant so much more to her than he realized. 

It was evident to everyone that she had an attachment to him. What kind exactly was the complicated part. While they had been friends for quite a long time, she felt like he was more than just a normal friend or even a best friend. He felt more like a partner than anything, whether it be partner-in-crime or partner-in-love. She loved him with every bone in her body, more than she loved her comrades or her friends, she cared for him like she would a lover.

Maybe it was because she was so shy that she couldn’t tell him how she felt after all this time. Maybe it was fear of rejection. Maybe it was fear of death. She wasn’t sure what held her back from confessing her love to him, spilling all those words she kept under lock and key. She wanted there to be something more, but he’d never let on that he cared for her that way, and surely he would have said something if he did feel that way. It just seemed impossible.

But not to the ordinary person. 

People had mentioned in passing to Kakashi that he acted like a lovesick teenager when he was around the woman. She was just so perfect, how could he do anything but adore her. To him, she was one of the only people that truly mattered as more than a fellow shinobi or comrade.

There was no reason to rush it though. If she truly wanted a relationship with him, she would tell him eventually. He wasn’t one to go around throwing out love confessions first. He would wait until she was comfortable and ready. Until then, he would admire her from a distance, through friendly touches and smiles, and dreamy looks when the other wasn’t watching. To him, that was enough. 

This lunch outing was the perfect time to waste some hours with her just talking and reading in the others company. The day almost felt too good to be true. 

And it was.

First there was the explosion, followed by the screams. Oh, those screams would haunt Y/N’s dreams. Villagers who she’d known growing up screaming in pain. Quickly, she jumped to her feet as did the copy nin.  Their eyes frantically looked through the doorway of the restaurant, but there wasn’t anything on their particular street, just dust from the explosion floating down in thick clouds. 

“Someone’s attacked the village. Shit,” he cursed under her breath. 

They would have to go out there and fight, they both knew that very well. Fight who, they didn’t know, but Y/N could sense that the same foreign chakra signature was coming at her from multiple directions in the village. That couldn’t be good. It was probably that Akatsuki member that everyone was talking about. Pain. Pain with the rinnegan. How could the leaf compete against something as strong as that dojutsu?

“Everybody out! You know the evacuation route,” Y/N called out to the civilians in the restaurant, as she swallowed her panic. She made a move to usher the people from the store so they could run in the direction of refuge.

This wasn’t a normal battle. These intruders were a completely different breed than the ones they were used to fighting. She could feel the impending doom start to blanket around her body, and she took a deep breath. How could this happen? Was Pain here to take Naruto? Naruto wasn’t even in the village, how could that be? Was it the Akatsuki making a big statement attacking one of the five great villages?

There was just something off. She could feel it. Today was going to be one of the worst days, worse than anything else they’d experienced.

“Y/N, let’s go.”

“Kakashi…” she trailed off, not taking a step forward just yet. Was there something she needed to get off her chest before they rushed into a battle with an outcome unknown? As she met his frantic, panicked eyes with her own, she wondered if she should just confess her feelings right then and there, just so he could know before they put their lives on the line. 

Never in her life did she think that her or Kakashi might die. It was never a thought that crossed her mind. She assumed she had all the time in the world to gather the courage to tell him. Now it felt like she had run out of time, and they might never get the chance to see each other again. The chakra signatures around them were just too strong to guarantee they would live against their blows. It felt like this was her final chance. 

She started again, “Kakashi, I need to tell you something.”

“What is it?” he asked, wanting to hurry this along. She could see plainly that this wasn’t the right time. He wasn’t in the right mind to hear her words, or comprehend the meaning behind them. Instead, she lowered her head and sighed. 

And so she kept that secret tightly bound deep in her heart. 

“Nevermind, it’s not important. Just be safe out there. Make it back to me in one piece, okay?”

“You know I can’t promise that,” he replied, and her heart sank in her chest. He was right. If he died, he died. If she died, she died. Nothing could stop fate from doing its dirty work.

“Just promise me. Give me some confidence before we jump into this mess. I-I can’t do this without you promising me you’ll live!” She cried, passion and fear dripping off her words. She had her eyes shut tightly at this point, just trying to keep herself from letting the potential tears gather in her eyes. Her fists clenched by her side as well. “Just say something!”

He nodded, thinking of the right words to say. “I promise I’ll make it back to you, Y/N. Now promise you’ll live. For me,” he demanded, lifting her head to face him. His fingers were strong against her cheek, firm when faced with danger. He wanted her to live, but knowing that Pain killed Jiraiya was enough to make him worry and plan for the worst. 

Why was he even asking? He knew that words meant nothing. That most promises were just bound to be empty. 

Just this one time, he prayed that she’d keep it.

“I promise.”

“Now let’s go. I’ll take this side, and you go that way. Sounds like explosions came from both directions.”

“Got it.”

There was no room for goodbyes.

After that, they went their separate ways. Y/N had to keep herself from losing control. Everything was going to be okay. She was worrying far too much. Kakashi was strong. Stronger than anyone else she knew really. He couldn’t be taken down by some terrorists. It wasn’t an option.

As long as she could sense his chakra lingering in the distance, she would know. 

__________

It was painful, the wound that tore through her thigh. Blood dripped thickly from the cut, but she continued to fight. In this situation, there was nothing else to do, nothing more to fight for than the safety of the village and the people within it. Y/N has never seen a villain this bad, someone so dead set on killing and tormenting that it brought the shinobi of the village to their knees. Yet, here he was, this orange haired creature who popped up at multiple points of their city, each with a different signature move yet a similar chakra pattern.

Y/N knew she couldn’t break down just yet, not after seeing comrade after comrade fall to the ground and lose their lives to the cause. She had to keep going for them. For her friends and her family who died. She was never the most talented at fighting, she was more of a sensory type, stay on the inside and study type of kunoichi. But not today. No one had that luxury today.

Constantly, she could feel the loss of the ninja alongside her, their chakra signatures melting into nothing as blasts continued to ravage their village. The fire within their bodies burned for the last time, disappearing into the ashes.

It wasn’t until she was on her knees, face buried in the dirt and rubble did she really feel the pain this man was so desperate to bestow upon the villagers. Kakashi’s chakra had burned out. It was as if her body gave up after that. She couldn’t move, her bones were broken and she couldn’t afford to stand and fall back down once again, believe it that she tried over and over again. Nothing mattered at this point. How could it? She couldn’t feel her best friend’s chakra signature any longer. He was dead.

Her crying into the dirt was the only thing that signalled another shinobi to come and help her to the infirmary. Someone she barely knew had picked her up by the arm and hoisted it over his shoulder, dragging her by his side to the hospital where the medical nin were no doubt working harder than ever. Her whole body felt like it was caked in bloody crimson mud, dust up her nose and muk between her teeth. 

Everything just made her cry harder and harder until she felt she was gasping to breathe. 

The harsh lights in the building did nothing but sting her eyes, and the dozens of medical nin rushing around those lying on the floor overwhelmed her. 

Sakura stood at the front of all the mess, and her eyes immediately caught onto Y/N and her rescuer. “Y/N-sensei, what happened to you?” she cried, rushing over with her frantic hands hovering over the state of the broken woman as she scanned for the wounds. This only caused more sobbing.

“One second she was fine, the next she was lying in the dirt screaming. I don’t know,” the man said, handing her off to the pink haired girl. “She’s got broken legs, I know that.”

“Thank you for bringing her,” she mumbled as she brought her sensei over to an empty cot, sitting her down on the cloth and beginning the healing process on the worst part of her leg where the bone was exposed. She was shaking so badly it was almost hard to concentrate on her work. She’d never seen Y/N so hopeless and lost. She was strong, she never faltered in the face of danger. It worried Sakura, no doubt.

“Sensei, what happened?”

“It’s Kakashi,” the woman croaked between her harsh breaths. “I-I can’t feel his chakra anymore.” Tears ran down her cheeks furiously, dripping from her chin into her lap. She felt the hopelessness overtake her entire person, the only thing left being complete and utter fear. Her chest heaved, desperate for the next gulp of air into her lungs. 

Sakura nearly faltered at the words. Kakashi sensei, dead? How could that be? He was one of the strongest shinobi they knew. He would never fall victim to a villain, would he? From the sounds of Y/N’s heartbroken cries, the medical nin knew that it was over. That another life had been stolen from them. 

Kakashi was Y/N’s heart and soul. She loved him for years and planned to love him for many more. Everyone knew that. Kakashi and her may have never acknowledged their feelings before his death, but the skinny love lingered in the air every time they were around each other. 

The longing looks when they passed each other in the street. The pain they felt when the other was hurt. The smiles they shared when something good happened in their no-good shinobi lives. They were more than willing to lay their lives on the line for the other, more than just a comrade, more than a friend. 

Her passion for Kakashi was the only good thing she had to come home to after missions. His face was the one thing she wanted to see after a bad day. His stupid face as he read his perverted novels, that grin that she positively adored.

All of that was gone, and her heart couldn’t take it. The pain from her injuries sat in the back of her mind, the only thing she could focus on was the loss. Knowing she would never see him again, never hear his voice. If only she could hear him laugh one more time. It was impossible, but she wished to the heavens above for mercy.

Sadly, no one was there to listen. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry,” Sakura whispered, not knowing what else to say. What could she say? 

“I need him. I can’t do this without him,” she sobbed, her hands shaking by her side, having to clench her fists just to stop the tremors. “Sakura, it’s been 15 years. I...I don’t know a life without him.”

Her heart broke at the words. It was true. She didn’t know life anymore without Kakashi. They’d been friends and comrades for so long that it seemed like that was all she knew. How can you come back from that? Sakura didn’t know. She might be able to heal the woman’s legs, but there was no way she could begin to heal such a broken heart. 

“It’s okay. You have plenty of others. You have Gai and Kurenai and-”

“Fuck everyone else. You know they can’t replace him,” she snapped. “No one can replace him.”

Sakura could only nod solemnly. They could lie all day and pretend that Gai would somehow swoop in and make up for that gaping hole in her heart. They could lie and say that Kurenai and her child would fill Y/N with a happiness she felt with Kakashi. Yes, they could certainly lie about it all. 

At the end of the day though, her pain would be unrivalled. Losing the one man you’ve loved from the moon and back. It would take an entire army and then some to combat such a struggle. 

When Sakura was done healing the woman, she handed her a roll of bandages from her pocket. “I’ve got to tend to others. Wrap this around your calf and then stay here to rest. Please, just rest yourself, sensei. You’ll heal faster that way.” Y/N took the bandages and nodded her head weakly, shaky hands going to wrap her bare and burned calf with the medical bandages.

Her mind still centered around Kakashi. She found herself curling up into a ball on the little bench she was sat at, hugging her knees close to her chest. She just cried. Right now, she couldn’t do anything else. 

Just cry.

________

The village was in complete and utter ruin. Y/N lay painfully utop a mountain of rubble, blood oozing from the back of her head and from her already injured leg. Pain’s final attack, one that completely demolished the village...it spared her life.

How could things get any fucking worse? 

She felt like the Gods were being especially cruel to her on this day. Especially cruel to every single person in the village, but they kept Y/N alive for their own personal amusement, laughing at her loss and her pain and her  frustration. 

Despite Lady Tsunade sending out Katsuyu to protect the villagers, Y/N only seemed to be in worse shape than before. She could feel the slug on her shoulder slowly healing her, but it wasn’t much compared to the pain and the numerous injuries.

Y/N rolled onto her side and groaned, pain shooting up her spine and giving her a brain-shattering headache. When she went to cough on something thick and slimy in her throat, what splattered on the ground was red. Maybe she was just meant to die slow and painfully. 

It was better this way, she decided. Nothing could make this day worth it. Nothing. The pain was unbearable.

“Y/N? Is that you?” a feminine voice called from a little while away, and the woman cursed, spitting up more blood as she did so. Sakura climbed through some of the rubble to approach her. Her hands hovered over the woman’s broken body, scanning over all her wounds. 

Naruto was down there fighting Pain. Everything was going to be okay as long as they had faith in the Uzumaki. Sakura could focus a bit of her energy on healing her sensei. There was nothing else to do except watch the fight below them, in the center of the wasteland that used to be the Hidden Leaf.

She began the healing process, medical chakra flowing into the woman’s chest wounds, the most critical of all. “Sakura…”

“What is it, Y/N?”

“What’s happening? Is everyone dead?”

“No, everyone is alive. Lady Tsunade sent out Katsuyu to protect everyone. It seems that you were injured before your healing slug could get to you. Thankfully, you have both of us to fix you up,” she muttered. Y/N would have been blind to not notice the way Sakura stared past her deeper into the wreckage as she spoke. 

“What do you see?” she asked quietly, as loud as her body could muster.

“It’s Naruto. He’s out there fighting Pain alone,” she said, “He-he’s gotten so much stronger.”

The older woman smiled through her pain, shutting her eyes and letting a soft sigh leave her lips. She hadn’t anticipated Naruto to come saving the day, in fact, it seemed more likely that Pain would kill everyone and leave the village in ruin. Fortunately, Kakashi’s student, the one that people had underestimated for so long, was out there doing what the rest of them couldn’t. 

A hero. No matter if he won or not, these are the actions of a hero.

“It’s his destiny: to save this village,” she whispered. “Jiraiya once said so.”

“Let’s hope he was right.”

Together they lay there in the middle of ruin while Naruto battled Pain. They watched as the two men launched themselves away from the village into the woods, the nine tailed fox coming to life far away from where they huddled together. The village was safe from direct harm at this point and the two women let down their guard just a little bit. Down in the middle of the pit some of the students started to gather, including a heavily injured Hinata.

“Help me down there, Sakura. I need to see Gai,” she said, louder than before. After all that time healing, she found herself strong enough to prop up on her elbows and gaze into the destruction. 

Once down there, Sakura was quick to start healing Hinata, fearing that the girl had taken too much damage to handle. After all, she charged against Pain, the supposedly leader of this terrorist attack. All of that to help out young Naruto. Y/N felt like she was staring at an image of herself for a moment. A young woman ready to sacrifice it all for the sake of the man she loved. 

As her eyes moved around the area, she caught onto the bright green outfit of her long time friend. His eyes caught hers for a moment and quickly, he rushed over to her side. She collapsed onto her knees, wincing at the pain that ran through her body as she did so. She found herself still a bit too weak to stand. 

“Y/N, you’re alive,” he gasped. He knelt on the ground beside her and placed a firm hand on her shoulder, steadying her shaky form. “Your injuries-”

“Forget about that, Gai,” she mumbled. “Something terrible has happened.” He couldn’t imagine what she had to say could be any worse than the destruction of the entire village. But he nodded and sat there listening as she spoke her words carefully, painfully with each syllable that left her lips. “Kakashi is dead.”

He felt his heart drop in his chest. As he looked at the woman before him, he knew that she wanted nothing more to cry, yet there were no tears. He assumed that she had already cried her fill earlier and could only mourn at this point. He didn’t ask before wrapping her smaller form up in his arms and tugging her to his chest, burying his nose in her hair. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face into his shoulder, dry sobs causing her entire form to quiver.

In a moment like this one, he just remained still for her. Sit there and be there through this pain. He felt crushed at the thought of his best friend dead, his eternal rival somewhere out there in all that rubble fatally injured. Gai had lost a brother that day, and Y/N had lost her one and only lover.

He listened as she hopelessly bawled in the comfort of his arms, feeling every bit of her pain sink into his form. They had gone through battles together before, they grew up teammates and friends, how could they not. They had seen death and pain all their lives. This was on another level, incomprehensible to either of them. 

Pure misery. Every emotion seemed to burn in her chest. She wanted to curl up and die herself.

________

It felt like hours went by before the lives were returned. She hadn’t thought much of it when the elderly Toad woke up from his eternal slumber. For a moment, she thought it was just a fluke. That he had never really died in the first place, they just thought he did. But then, she watched as people above the trench started to stand from their resting places on the ground and in the rubble. 

That is when she realized that somehow, someway, the lives lost during this terrible battle had been reclaimed. It was only a matter of time before she found out if Kakashi had come back to life as well. She sat there, focusing all her energy into sensing nearby chakra, sorting through hundreds of people for the one she wanted. 

Gai had left to help out some of the others, so she just sat there waiting. Waiting for Kakashi to come back to her. Just like he promised.

After all this chaos, she couldn’t imagine keeping her love a secret from him any longer. He needed to know. She wouldn’t let this opportunity go wasted. Y/N was given a second chance at finding love in her friend, and she would be damned if she let that go to waste. 

After a while, she began to feel his chakra. At first it was very faint, like he was a mile away hidden underneath rocks and everything else you could imagine. But then it got stronger. 

He was alive.

When she saw his form climb down into the pit with the rest of them, his mask torn and only the bottom layer of his clothes still intact, she nearly cried once again. For hours before this, she was prepared to never see him alive again, never see that masked face look down upon hers once more. She had mourned the loss of Kakashi Hatake, only for him to be returned. 

It was as if the God’s had listened to her prayers.

“Kakashi!” she exclaimed as she struggled to get herself up from the ground. She knelt on one knee, pushing herself up with the other, desperate to walk over to him. Her body failed her of course, and she fell back onto her butt. He noticed her though, her tiny figure in the crowd of hundreds. She was the one person he wanted to find all along. 

He fell onto his knees beside her, his hands coming up to grasp her cheeks with his dusty, calloused hands. She relaxed into his rough fingers, sinking into the warmth that he was sharing. His thumbs slid along her lips and chin, trying to rub away the dirt that was caked in some places. She was a mess, messier than he was. He could only imagine the suffering that she went through as well, to have survived all of that without death as a retreat in the middle.

“Y/N, what happened to you?”

“Pain’s final blow caused some pretty bad wounds, but it’s fine. Sakura healed me enough that I’ll make it through,” she told him. Softly, she lifted her hands to place them over top his, her fingers slowly wrapping around his. “Kakashi, you broke your promise to me.”

“I know.”

She found that the words came out faster than she anticipated. Emotions and feelings being laid out in the open for him to see/ “I-I completely lost myself when I couldn’t feel your chakra anymore. I thought I’d lost you. I couldn’t stop crying, and I was angry at you for breaking your promise to me,” she rambled, “I didn’t know what I was gonna do without you.”

“It’s alright. I’m here now. Whatever Naruto has done saved my life,” he soothed, letting their hands fall into her lap. She wouldn’t let go of his hands even if he wanted them to himself. She was afraid. Afraid that if she let him go once more that he would be gone forever. “And I’m sorry I lied to you. I really shouldn’t have died like that. So irresponsible of me.”

There he was cracking a fucking joke about his own death. She wanted to smack him for being so dimwitted in a moment of vulnerability. Just the thought of being with him again made tears spring up in her eyes, and she shut her eyes to keep them from falling. Happy tears or not, she wasn’t going to cry again.

 “I need to tell you what I was too afraid to say before. What I wanted to say before we went our separate ways,” she confessed, her breaths coming out harsh and rushed. Once again, she gripped his hands tighter in hers. 

After taking a couple breaths, she lifted her eyes to meet his, mouth just agape. He really was all she could ever need. This moment wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t ideal, but it was just right for what she needed to say. “I’ve always loved you, Kakashi.”

“Y/N-”

“Listen, I know it’s not exactly an appropriate time to be confessing my love to you and all, but I couldn’t risk another day going by without telling you.”

“I love you, too.”

And silence. 

There wasn’t anything else to say. The love was mutual, it had been all this time. They just took their time getting around to admitting it, to just hear those words leave the other’s lips for the first time. There were no butterflies in her stomach nor did her heart race in her chest at his confession. 

She could only feel comfort in the umbrella they’d created for themselves, the outside world lost to the both of them. 

In a flash, she lurched forward to wrap her arms tightly around his neck, burying her face deep into his neck. “Don’t die ever again, Hatake, or I’ll kick your ass,” she laughed, the sound of her laugh reaching his ear. He held her to his chest and sighed. 

“No promises.”

Despite what happened that day, he felt comfortable. For the first time, in a very long time, he felt relief wash over him. Everything was going to be okay.

“Kakashi!”

Requests Are Open!

[kimikocanvas]

Only Her || E || ANGST #kakasaku

-------------------------------------

Sakura found a quiet spot on the hospital’s roof, today was one of those hard days where she needed to scape somehow.

“Couldn’t find another place to jump from?” Sakura got startle as she couldn’t find the source of the voice. Kakashi stood in the shadows as he smoked.

“You shouldn’t be smoking! Is bad for your health and bad for hospital’s finance.” He already sensed her intentions, stood up from the cold ground and stepped back further from her reach.

“I don’t know what is worst, me smoking or the best medic in Konoha trying to kill herself” The tension between them grew as Sakura felt attacked by his remark.

“I don’t know what are you talking about, Kakashi. I had a hard time today and I don’t need your bullshit! Can you just mind your own business?” If her day wasn’t acid enough, sure her words are.

“I saw you a few hours ago, don’t play dumb with me. You couldn’t jump earlier, changed your mind?” Kakashi made sure his words hit as hard as hers. He was right, Sakura lost three patients today and knew that she could do so much more to help them, but her incompetence got her.

“Why are you here, Kakashi? Do you want to jump too? Let’s do it together then, you have your problems and I have mine and this is the perfect timing.”

“Now? But it was such a beautiful afternoon…”

“Why are you here, Kakashi? You should go home, the visit hours are over” he knew that already, he didn’t come here to pay someone a visit, but Sakura was here. All he wanted was to see her, her tired form with bags under her eyes from endless shifts and chakra exhaustion.

“I wanted to make sure you are still alive, you are the only one I have left. Everybody died, is just us two. I know you suffered and you still grieving. Its not your fault they died Sakura, is mine. I was your sensei and I had this task in my hand. We can not save everyone”

Kakashi unlocked some memories that none of them wanted to ever talk about.

Three years ago, Sasuke died after his battle with Itachi, when they arrived blood was everywhere but no Itachi or Sasuke still there. Sakura hoped that at least she could bring him home or he was somewhere alive. According to Zetsu, both died but Tobi already took their bodies before them.

Naruto was the hero of the war, defeating Tobi and Edo Madara before they could do more trouble. Although, he was not invincible. His overuse of Kurama Mode killed his body.

The pain of losing so many important people made her loose her mind.

Kakashi just got back from visiting Gai’s memorial stone, a hero that matched Madara’s power but sacrificed his life for everybody in the war.

“Can I try too?” Said Sakura pointing at the cigarette.

“Just don’t throw it, okay?”

“Thank you for loving me, Kakashi!” A small hand brushed his naked cheeks as she inhaled deeply from the rolled tabaco. He leaned onto her warm hand, kissing her delicate fingers.

“Stay with me, Sakura. Don’t leave me too.”

“I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” Sakura kissed his soft lips tenderly as she always did.

“C’mon Kakashi, jump with me. Don’t be scared, I’m gonna hold you. Let’s do it!”

Kakashi intertwine his fingers with hers and both got closer to the edge of the building. Sakura’s smile gave him courage to trust her, but she let go of his hand as she faded away.

 

Shizune watched as the monitor went off. All the nurses that rushed over to help, watched in horror as one of the most feared shinobi in all five nations died. A shinobi that never run from any battle to protect his comrades, a teacher to one of the strongest shinobi Konoha ever had, a lover that cried years at his partner’s grave. So many years alone, so many years in sorrow, finally at peace. No more pain, no more sadness, no more loneliness. Everything is finally over.

 

“What took you so long?”

“You see, I got lost on the path of life. Sorry for being late. But now I’m here, right?”

Sakura smiled softly and took his hand.

“Let’s go, the others are waiting. We can’t make them wait any longer.”

 

~END~

*SIDE NOTE*

 

The first scene is not a flashback but the action happens as Kakashi was in a coma at the hospital. The Sakura from the beginning is a spirit form.

The jumping off the building scene is a metaphor as the spirit Sakura asked Kakashi to finally let go, meaning to unchain his spirit from his body. Sakura faded away because she convinced Kakashi, not because she might have jumped too.

The story itself is not an actual suicide description event, but a transhumance of the spirit from a painful life to where it can rest in peace with people, he/she loves, for eternity.

I reread a few more times and I talked to my friend. I came to a conclusion that some readers might not perceive the whole story the way I did and my poor writing might be at fault.

[panharmonium]

@dreamersscape said: 

Part of why I like Shikamaru testing the would-be chunin with Kakashi’s principles so much is that Kakashi living by those words keeps Obito alive through them, right?  And Obito already had those values, but he was verbalizing them in connection to why he believes Sakumo was a hero, so this combined principle that defines who Sakumo, Obito, and Kakashi are, is now going to live on in Naruto, Shikamaru, and the rest of their generation.  And ofc “don’t put the rules above your comrades” is a good way to live regardless of whether any of their names are attached to it…I dunno, is it dumb to just want this to be Kakashi’s legacy over his other prowess/renown? (x)

NO IT IS NOT; I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!  (And I agree with what you said, that this is likely already how he’s going to be remembered - and I’m so grateful for that, because I think we know that there are many things in Kakashi’s life that have brought him renown but that he doesn’t want to be remembered for.  Thinking specifically about that scene where Kakashi takes out an enemy and Yamato makes that comment about “keep this up and you’ll be famous,” and Kakashi is clearly so uncomfortable with that...Kakashi doesn’t want that kind of recognition, the kind you earn from being particularly efficient at killing people.  He doesn’t want to go down in history as “cold-blooded Kakashi” - that was never something he wanted to be known as in the first place.)

Anyway, I was partway through writing the below post when I saw your replies about Kakashi’s family/legacy in relation to the new Chunin exams, and I just went, “we REALLY are having the exact same thoughts about this show” 🤝 so I’m just turning the rest of this post into a response to your comments, because I could not possibly agree with your angle on this topic more, and I knew my response wasn’t going to fit in the replies XD

The thing I kept thinking about when I saw that Shikamaru’s version of the Chunin exams was passing/failing students based on Kakashi’s criteria was that this is a HUGE paradigm shift for the Leaf Village (and for shinobi culture as a whole).  The new exams say that if you abandon a teammate to complete your mission (aka to pass your test), you’ve made the wrong decision.  The mark of a worthy shinobi, in this new framework, is your commitment to choosing people’s lives over the success of your mission.  But to have something like this enshrined into the Chunin exams would have been unthinkable in earlier generations.  When Kakashi’s father made a decision like this, he was breaking the law, and nothing about his choice was considered honorable or worthy or in any way acceptable.  He was blamed for it by the Land of Fire and the Leaf Village, “slandered and vilified” by his peers (even the ones whose lives he saved), and hounded to the point of suicide.  And even as little as four years ago, when Kakashi started working as a Jonin Leader, his philosophy for evaluating genin was still notorious, and his standards were considered to be abnormal (“It’s a good thing we didn’t get that jonin everybody talks about”/“Who does he think he is, making up his own criteria?”).  

But just a few short years later, the script has been completely flipped.  Now you can’t even become a chunin unless you demonstrate your commitment to putting your comrades’ lives first.  And I just keep thinking about how that must feel for Kakashi, to see the systems that punished his father so mercilessly finally start to crumble and fall.  To see a shift in the culture that indoctrinated Itachi and brainwashed Yamato into murdering family and friends, on the pretense that it was necessary for the sake of a mission.  To see the values Kakashi has tried to live by ever since Obito’s death incorporated into the official structures of the shinobi world, when previously they were grounds for vicious persecution.

To have Sakumo’s choices validated and affirmed by the shinobi world’s promotion structure when just a few short years ago those choices were universally reviled and earned Sakumo nothing but shame, hatred, and harassment must be such an emotionally overwhelming experience for his son, who went through his own kind of crucible in the wake of Sakumo’s departure but ultimately came out the other side more committed to his father’s ideals than ever.  To finally see things changing, and for these changes to be the direct result of Kakashi’s own teaching choices - I can’t imagine what that must feel like.  I don’t even think that Kakashi ever expected to see a world that’s progressed this far, to be honest.  He made a decision to embrace his father’s values, yes, but he did so long before they were considered acceptable, long before they were something he could ever expect to be rewarded for.  That’s why Obito told him “no matter what the village or anyone else may say, I think you’re a great jonin” - he knew Kakashi broke the rules to rescue Rin the same way Sakumo broke the rules to rescue his comrades, and he knew it was entirely possible that Kakashi would catch flak for it upon returning home.  In the shinobi world, the mission is absolute, and people who buck the system are branded as traitors.  If the Battle of Kannabi Bridge had gone poorly because of the detour Kakashi and Obito took, Kakashi may not have been welcomed home quite so warmly.  

Kakashi never really expects his choice to be rewarded or respected.  But despite this, and despite the fact that he knows the potential consequences better than anyone, he chooses to stand by his father’s values anyway.  He makes that decision the day he loses Obito, and he never looks back.  No matter how lost he becomes, or how much pain he goes through (I’ve thought this world was hell, too), he never loses sight of this one thing: he’ll never abandon a friend, and he’ll never bow to anyone who tells him that his mission requires him to do so.  That’s true throughout his time in ANBU (if your orders are to kill a friend, then those orders are wrong.  and the one who gave you those orders is wrong!), and it’s true when he becomes a teacher, too.  He persists in his convictions, no matter how unpopular they are, and he teaches them to an entire generation of children, even when people keep giving him the side-eye for failing entire teams of genin year after year.  

He never expects his behavior to make this kind of difference, and he’ll probably never give himself credit for any of the changes that we’re starting to see now, but the only reason these things are happening is because of the choices he made back then.  The new world we’re on the brink of building now is a direct result of Kakashi having taught his students the values that his father and Obito died for.  Kakashi’s teaching is what helps Naruto go from “when I become Hokage, the whole village will have to stop disrespecting me and start treating me like i’m somebody important” to “how could i ever become hokage if i can’t even save one friend/a true hokage never steps over his comrades’ bodies.”  It’s what helps Sakura go from “you obsessed about Sasuke, who was gone, while Naruto was right in front of you and you wouldn’t lift a finger to help him” to a decision to put her feelings for Sasuke aside in order to release Naruto from the promise he made to her, which is killing him.  It’s what helps Sasuke go from "you thought [your teammates] were so far beneath you they were worthless” to “I don’t ever want to see that again - my trusted comrades falling right in front of me,” as he offers to die for them against Gaara.  It’s what helps even Neji Hyuga go from a disdainful “who does he think he is, making up his own criteria” to an affirmation of those same criteria when telling the Hidden Rain ninja “it’s just the Chunin exams.  The safety of our teammate is more important than passing.”  

All of the changes that we’re seeing now are happening because Kakashi was committed to teaching the next generation the lessons he feels are important, contrary to widely-held public opinions and in defiance of the people who made a near-successful attempt at turning him against his own father: We never abandon our friends.  We never sacrifice our comrades.  If your orders are to kill a friend, then those orders are wrong.  We do what’s right, not what we’re told.  

The Hatake clan may not have a hereditary jutsu to be passed down to others, but THIS is their legacy.  This massive sea change in shinobi culture, the hard-fought shift away from a repeat of the tragically sacrificial Sakumos and Itachis and Tenzos of the old shinobi world, the total inversion of Mission > People to People > Mission - all of that started with Kakashi’s father, who died before he could see his work completed, but whose torch was picked up by Obito, and then by Kakashi, who made it his mission to pass on those ideals to the Leaf Village’s children, some of whom are now making policies that affect promotion criteria for the entire shinobi world.  

Just...I’m thinking about Kakashi taking Sakura out to celebrate and to hear all about her test, and I know she won’t even give Shikamaru’s last question a second thought, because to her it’s just natural that they’d be tested on that; Kakashi’s been testing them on that stuff since day one; it doesn’t even occur to her that there’s anything novel or strange or revolutionary about it; it’s just expected and accepted by her entire class that the principle “people are more important than rules” is something all shinobi should understand - when in reality, things have NEVER been like that before, and it’s taken SO much work to get here.  A question like this being included as pass/fail criteria on the Chunin exams would have been unimaginable just a few short years ago.  Kakashi’s father was harassed to his death for answering this question in the exact same way that is now required of anyone who wants to pass the test.  

What an incredible feeling that must be for Kakashi, who worked so hard and endured so much to keep these values alive.  To see how far the world has come - and to know how much of this progress is the result of his own choices, which he never thought would amount to anything so substantial - what a bizarre, beautiful, bittersweet feeling that must be.

[wind-becomes-lightning]

A man called Tobi

Hey, hi, hello, this is another exchange event fic. Woo! We had "Beach Day Episode" as a general topic- which meant all things summer-y! And I.. well I tried..

My exchange partner was @hkzv which is so lucky because I love her art so much and It was high time I gave something back for how amazing she is. All the Obito goodness and sometimes I get some Kakashi too T_T I truly love what she is doing and I'm just... so.. ah... well. I hope she'll like this

Uchiha Obito x Reader

Rated E. 18+ mdni

7239 words

thank you for beta reading @lemony-snickers. Ilu <3

warning for: vaginal sex, oral sex, fingering and a lot of emo obito thoughts.

Ao3 link [x]

Tired of playing pretend and lost in his many fake identities the masked man leaves his position as Shadow Mizukage behind for a while to visit the beach.

The first time he saw the sea, he thought it must have been a mistake, a trick of the light playing on a large body of water that could not possibly be that vast. But he had been younger and more naive and the world had just changed from colour to grey. Now, as his working eye was looking around the sand along the beach, and he heard the waves rolling in, he was not surprised by it all, but he could not stop being amazed either way.

The masked man had travelled far to get to this place. All the way from the misty coasts of Kirigakure to Suna, the desert, that only had a few beaches like this, but those few beaches were regarded as the best ones in the country. He had always wanted to see them, mostly because they were so pronounced in the children’s books when he grew up. Well, when Uchiha Obito had grown up. Because the masked man was not Uchiha Obito - Uchiha Obito had died long ago.

This was very much the reason he was here. Too lost had he been jumping around the multiple personalities he had taken on after Obito’s death. He was the shadow mizukage, he was Uchiha Madara and he used to be Uchiha Obito, but not anymore. All of these swirled in his mind constantly and when he looked at himself in the mirror, watched the scars on the right side of his face swirl exactly as much, he didn’t know who he was. He was nobody and he was everybody. He needed a break from the many faces he was carrying to wear nothing but a mask.

So he had stepped up as Madara to Kisame and told him that he would take a break to go to Sunagakure for a while. It seemed so useless to tell someone like Kisame this news, as they weren’t friends and not even something like colleagues, but the masked man felt like someone needed to know where he went. Maybe it was some left over feeling from when he was a child, when all he wanted was for someone else to worry over him. Maybe it was just his idea of Madara, who would surely tell his underlings when he just decided to take a month long beach vacation. Or maybe he wouldn’t. It didn’t matter to the masked man.

He had never seen a beach like this before. Of course Kirigakure had its own coast, as it was in the Land of Water, but they were usually rocky and the water was often too cold to step into it. On the other hand Suna had warm streams at their long, sandy beaches. The direct water connection was also the reason a village could even be formed here in the desert. Why he had chosen this exact place to get a break he did not know. It had been a dream of Uchiha Obito’s to see it with his own eyes and maybe the masked man had followed that instinct even though that part of him was long gone.

There were some people laying in the sand, letting the waves wash over them and the masked man wondered how warm the water must be. As he sat out to walk to the waves he noticed how easily his feet sank into the sand, how easily the sand spread into his sandals and between his toes. He decided to go hide out somewhere later so he could properly undress his shoes and feel it beneath his feet. 

The sun was high in the sky and he felt sweaty under his heavy, black cloak, but disrobing was not an option. When he passed people they were staring back at him not only for that, but also for the mask he was wearing on his nose. He had gotten it from Zetsu a while ago. A long, flat, wooden thing with black flames and exactly one hole for his eye. He’d played with the thought to get a new one from somewhere, but he didn’t know what kind of symbol he would want on it. How did he want to present himself to the world from now on? If he wasn’t Madara, if he wasn’t the Mizugake, if Obito was dead - who was he?

“Would you like to buy a fresh orange?”, a voice called out to him from his left, which was his blind spot, so he had to physically rip his head over to look at the direction. The woman was maybe twenty, hair put into a ponytail to get it out of her face. There were several really plump oranges placed in front of her on a little plate and the man had to admit that they did look very delicious, but he hadn’t eaten since Obito died, because he didn’t need to, and so he wasn’t interested in spending his money for that.

He just shook his head at her without saying another word. She frowned a little and put her head to the side. He was aware how stupid he looked in this outfit in this heat and though he’d never seen her before it stung a little that she was apparently making fun of him. She should just go and sell her stupid oranges to people who actually needed to eat them. He definitely didn’t. He walked away and after looking over his shoulder one time saw that her eyes were following him.

There was no opportunity to undress as long as there were so many people around, so the masked Man teleported to a more rocky area towards the end of the beach. There was a little cave there that was full of sand and you could go into the water. Both sides were blocked off by high rocks and it was very unlikely that anyone would ever come down here. The perfect place to actually experience the beach as himself. Or whatever version of himself he was going to be. To make sure he could be undisturbed, he left a shadow clone fully clothed watching at the top of the hill, then he undressed.

Being in an ocean for the first time in his life felt like an other worldly experience. There was a quiet when he put his head under the water that no other quiet he ever experienced could compare to. His ears were rushing in, his eyes were closed, his body was swaying. He knew that coming here had been the right choice from the first time he had touched the sand. The soft but warm grains between his feet. He felt so terribly rested as long as his full body was underwater, as if all his thoughts and anxieties were turned off in an instant. The fish weren’t judging him for his scars, they were not expecting him to lead or make plans or be anything more than a floating human. 

Endlessly fascinated with the waves crashing over and over to the shore, the man stayed in the cave until nightfall upon which he decided to dress up again to return to the part of the beach with other people. Curiosity drove him there, he wanted to watch some people live their lives. He’d always told himself that he did that because he wanted as many memories as possible to make his perfect Tsukuyomi, but when he wasn’t careful enough and his thoughts would slip away from him he did it out of jealousy. How dare these people be happy when Uchiha Obito could not be? How could they live if he couldn’t?

He sat down in the sand and let his cape fall around him. HIs mask was placed on his head again, though his hair was still wet from the swim he did earlier. He enjoyed the little drips from it falling into his neck, after all it was still very hot out here, no matter the daytime. Suddenly he heard footsteps out of his blindspot and he moved the eye to the left, sharingan active and ready to strike if necessary.

“I didn’t see you all day.” It was the woman that had offered him an orange before. She was holding one now too, throwing it up and down in her hand like it was a tiny ball. From size it could have been. The man wondered if he’d ever seen an orange that was this ripe. 

Without asking she sat down next to him and began peeling the fruit: “You are an outsider, right?” He did not know how to reply to that, because he couldn’t think quickly enough about which voice he wanted to use. Madara and the shadow Mizukage seemed threatening and Obito? The man did not know if he could do a voice matching Obito’s. “It’s just your skin is so light”, she pointed to the outline of the gloves. He just nodded, maybe a little too eagerly.

Somehow this made her giggle a little. She offered him a piece of the orange and he, absentmindedly staring at her through his eye hole, took it and ate it. It tasted sweet. So he could still taste things even if he didn’t feel hunger, he thought. This was a new revelation. There was a part of him that celebrated this. Now he could eat all his favourite snacks once again. But then he wondered if this version of him even had favourite snacks.

He let his eye wander over her face as she was concentrating on peeling the rest of the orange. She had long fingers that ended in painted nails, with each nail painted in a different colour as if a child had done it. He followed her and as she broughtthe piece to her lips and noted the way the fruit juice coated them slightly. She looked good doing that, he thought and swallowed hard. Suddenly there was heat at the neck that he couldn’t quite explain, so he looked away again.

“Will you tell me your name?” she asked as if she had noticed how much he had stared at her. “I just think strangers that share oranges with each other should know each other’s name.” She gave him hers.

Panic rose up. He really wanted to tell her his name, any name, but which name was he supposed to use? There was none fitting enough to express himself. He scrambled.“O -” he started and then knowing in which direction he was going stuttered on “O-bi…To-Bi - Tobi.” Somehow that felt right. 

She laughed as a reply: “Obitobi?” He waved energetically with his hand: “Tobi, just Tobi.”

Tobi felt light in the chest knowing that the person finally had a name. Now he could learn the entire identity around it. Away from Madara and Obito. Away from his past and future. Just here under the rising stars with the waves crashing against the shore. Tobi was apparently a guy that beautiful women approached and who would be against that.

“Well then just as an advice “Just Tobi” - if you are not careful in the sun you’ll get a nasty sunburn if your skin is not used to it”, she said, tapping with her finger to the skin beneath his gloves. Tobi pulled his hand back as if she had cut him. Human touch had been something he had not felt in a long time, or better said, it was the first time Tobi experienced it.

“Are you not scared of Tobi?” he heard himself say and was surprised to find out that Tobi apparently talked about himself in the third person. The man thought that this was a really weird thing to do, but she completely let it pass by without comment.

She threw the last piece of orange into her mouth: “I just think you look cool. With that cloak and this mask.” She stared at the mask from the side and Tobi moved sideways to stop her from looking into his face from beneath it. “So no, I am not scared. Should I be?”

 He didn’t know how to reply to that. Was Tobi a violent person? Was Tobi a person to be worried about? Madara was. The Shadow Mizukage definitely was. Obito was not. He was innocent and naive and friendly to the world. It was not clear what Tobi was going to be. For now he settled on: “No.”

“Right then”, she laughed, clapping her hands together, “I have to get home.” She got up and shook the sand out of her pants. “Come back tomorrow if you want to have another orange, Tobi.” She waved at him and left.

Tobi watched the woman walk away and felt the embarrassment in his face. She was pitying him as an outsider, he thought. She thought he didn't look healthy so she offered him food, he thought. But he couldn’T stop thinking about her calling him “cool''. Nobody had ever called him cool before. Never. Even back when Obito was still alive he had been nothing but a loser.

With kamui he returned to the cave he had spent the afternoon in to spend the night. He decided to go see her again the next day, just like she requested.

– –

Tobi returned to the orange stand the next day, just like he had decided he would the evening before. He was again wearing the long robe and the mask, but he started to grow weary of it. Not only was he constantly sweating beneath it, he also felt like it really was time for something new.

The seller was already there, hair flying free this time over her shoulder whenever she swirled around to talk to customers. She once again didn’t have too many oranges laying around, maybe they could not stand the heat well enough. When her eyes found him he could see them light up and she waved at him. Tobi waved back enthusiastically for a reason he did not himself understand, and walked over to get closer to her.

“Hello Tobi”, she smiled at him, which made him uneasy, “I saved one of these for you.” She pointed at an orange to her left. “I cut them up nice and small so you can eat them under your mask. You look like someone who refuses to take his mask off, I think.” The other customers looked at Tobi weirdly from the sides, but he paid them no mind. All that mattered was that she was there laughing at him. He giggled, which was apparently something Tobi did, the man noted.

“You are right”, he said with another quiet giggle, “Tobi does not like to take his mask off, but Tobi likes sweet oranges.” With a smile, she handed the slices over to him and Tobi began putting them into his mouth. They were fresher and sweeter than the evening before and seemed to melt on his tongue. It really was godsent in this insane heat to have something so fresh to eat. The company was nice too, he thought.

She watched one slice after another disappear under his mask and said: “Do you always talk about yourself in the third person?” He shrugged his shoulders and it came out more dramatically than he wanted. That was a good question. Tobi was a new personality that had not yet been refined. The masked man still had to learn all he could learn about Tobi and so far it seemed at least, as if Tobi was someone who spoke of himself in the third person.

“It’s not your real name, am I right? Tobi, I mean.” She was good at this, the man thought. Her intuition could be dangerous if she saw him as a threat. But fortunately, in this goofy disguise he was in, she didn’t seem to be scared of him at all. He took note of this.

“Tobi is this person’s name,” he replied, which was neither a lie nor the actual truth. For all he knew, the man was overall nameless. The only names he had were the ones given to him when he turned himself into another person and the person he was now was named Tobi.

He finished the orange and bowed theatrically as a thanks. “Tobi has a place to go,” he said to finally escape the sun. “Will Tobi be back?” she asked and put her head to the side. He liked the way her hair looked in the sun, he thought. Going to the same place too much could spell trouble, especially if someone saw too closely beneath his mask. But this was something like his vacation, so he felt like he was entitled to do what he wanted. “Yes! Save Tobi orange slices!” he waved and on the inside cringed a little at his behaviour.

The full rest of the day he spent around his cave, just now with two shadow clones watching him. If she was just playing games with them surely by now she might have alerted some shinobi to his presence. If she was a shinobi herself she might have felt his chakra even with his use of suppressing techniques. Of course, she might just have genuinely been a nice person, but Tobi was not only a goofy and giggling little man, he was also suspicious of everyone.

The day after and the day after that and every day he would come visit her in the morning before he spent the rest of the day floating in the water in his hideout. She was expecting him day by day, putting first one, then two oranges out for him to eat. Each time she saw him approach she’d wave at him and each time her smile would become a little wider. In turn he would play up the giggly, school-girl like side of Tobi that he was just now learning about. Not only had he noticed that people stopped eyeing him suspiciously if he played the clown, but also she laughed heartily. So no matter how much he hated himself for it, he could not stop.

No matter the heat and how it drenched him in sweat from head to toe, Tobi always went there completely dressed with a mask, cloak and gloves. Several times she asked him if he didn’t feel warm in his outfit and Tobi had replied in a giggle and waved the question away, but the man beneath the mask had wished he could have said that he would like to take it all off. In these situations he fantasised about the shadow of the cave and the relaxing water that was right before it. Of course he didn’t have to come back every time to see her, he could just hide out in the cave’s shadow as long as he wanted, but something kept him coming back.

With each passing day he stayed a little longer. Soon two oranges turned into three and four. He’d lean against the stand and entertain the children around him with goofy noises and giggles and tapping his finger against his mask. He’d not heard children’s laughter since Obito had died and so he was very delighted to have it around again. It gave him a carefree feeling he had not had before. As if miles from here, in Kirigakure, was not his job and his destiny waiting for him.

“Why are you even wearing a mask?” she asked one day and knocked with her knuckle against the wood of it. She had gotten more daring in touching his arm or ruffling his hair, which always let his nerves act up in a way that Tobi could not control, but also her questions had gotten more provocative. Her statement in the first night had not been a lie, she was not scared of him and the more he played up the innocent, awkward, goofy side of Tobi, the closer she let him get to her. This was valuable information, he thought. For infiltration. To get people’s trust. To get her to touch him again…

Still, the mask stayed on at all times: “Tobi’s face is not a nice thing to look at,” he replied. “You would not like Tobi if you could see Tobi’s face.” He thought of the scars that ran down the entire side of his body. How he sometimes looked at himself on the surface of the still water in the cave. How he hated the sight he saw. He wasn’t even playing, Tobi not liking his face was in agreement with the man behind the mask. 

“I’m sure that’s not true,” she smiled and put her head to the side as she did when she was being stubborn. To his delight she stretched out her arm again to go through the hair at the back of his head. “I can’t believe a man like you could be anything less than handsome.” 

Maybe Tobi was an act that he had put on to get close to her, but the leap his heart made was very real. And he hadn’t felt like that since he had been much, much younger.

The man left her stand behind earlier than usual that day, fleeing the scene as if he had left a dead body there. His head was swirling when he took off his clothes to jump into the water, to put the familiar rushing into his ears that stopped him from thinking. Her smile was in front of his closed eyelids as if it had been burned into them. When he took a breath, he could feel his heartbeat against his chest, loud and demanding. He wanted to be closer even still.

That night he thought of Uchiha Obito, the boy that had died before he could be a proper teenager. If he were here today he might be doing things like trying to get closer to a girl that he liked. He would be at this age after all. Most guys their age probably already had experience at this point and knew how holding someone else felt like, how kissing someone was like, how love was like. 

But Obito would never experience these things. Not only because he was dead for ten years or so now, but also because he couldn’t. Even grown up he would not be the type for anyone to fall for. Obito was a naive person, a childish person, and Tobi was confident and calm. Tobi could do these things. Tobi was strong, Tobi knew how the world worked, Tobi was a man that could be liked, could kiss and could love.

The next day when he returned to her she had a present for him. “Look that is sort of like you”, she said and gave him a large orange in which she had carved a swirl into with a large knife. “There is one hole for your eye look” she held it in front of her face. His heart took another leap and so did his body, as he moved forward to take her into a hug. “Tobi is so flattered you would make him a present,” he said and held her close. Yes, Tobi was a person who was flattered by presents, Tobi was someone who could just hug people that he liked. Even if Obito was still alive, this would never be something he would be able to do.

– –

One night, the height of the summer weeks had already passed, the locals had a lantern festival. She had told Tobi about it a few days ago. “We could go together”, she had said with a smile and a soft hand on his glove. The thought of doing something so trivial as going to a festival with a woman, something that Tobi maybe was capable of doing, fried his brain. He took a step back and pulled his arm out and before he could really consider it, declined. That was just going too far now.

Instead of strolling the stands and sharing the sweet treats with a beautiful girl, he instead spent the night sitting on top of his cave and watching the lanterns go up from afar. He was not dressed in his usual robe, the mask had been lazily put to his side. There were so many lights. She had said there would be about a thousand and he could not help but think of the festivals that Obito used to attend when he was a kid in his village. Of the fireworks he had loved so much seeing, the people he loved spending time with, but that was so long ago. A distant memory that was nothing but a dream.

The lights reflected in his dark eye. Little balls of light in a dark ocean of nothingness. That was how this entire trip felt to the man. Nothing but a tiny glimmer of how something better could be like. Only that he knew there was nothing better waiting for him. He would always be faceless, nameless, a mask for every personality he had to play. And the world would not change until he played his final role -many, many years from now.

He heard the steps coming over the rocks too late, too lost in watching the lights float over the dark waters. Tonight, since he was sitting on top of his cave anyway, he had decided not to cover every angle with a shadow clone. He had believed to be able to look after himself well enough. Evidently, that had been wrong. She was behind him before he could kamui himself out of existence. “Tobi?” she asked softly and somehow his heart leaped at the fact that she recognised him immediately.

Slowly he turned his head, hoping that the dark of the night would cover most of his face. His hand felt for the mask he placed at his side. She looked exhausted, sweat on her brow and forehead. She must have climbed all the rocks to get to him. Why? Why had she come here? How had she found him here? There was no way she could have followed him, right? Most of the time Tobi used Kamui to disappear and that was not easy to track. Unless she placed a tracker on him. Maybe she was a shinobi after all. He took a step back.

“I didn’t think I would see you here like this”, she said and took a step forward towards him. “I come here always during the festival, it is the best spot to see the lanterns.” Excuses, Tobi’s brain screamed at him. She was just playing with him, exactly like every other person was just toying with him. Nobody had ever been sincere their entire lives. This had been a scam. Spending time in this place had been such a waste. The world was cruel and rotten. Tobi knew this now as well as the masked man did.

He growled in his own voice, the dark rumble he sometimes used as Shadow Mizukage, but most of the time only when he spoke to himself: “You should not have come here.” It was a threat, at least he had meant to make it sound like that. “Don’t follow me further.” Quickly he reached for his mask and then kamui’ed his way into the cave below, scrambling to put his things together. It had been a mistake coming here, he needed to get out as fast as possible.

When he heard her footsteps behind him, Tobi closed his only eye. He pleaded with her silently not to come inside. If she would step into the light of the lanterns to see his face, his real face, he would have to kill her. That was how it was. Nobody could know who was behind the mask, because it didn’t matter who was behind the mask. The person he once was had been dead and buried long ago. He was nobody now. Nothing but a wooden face. 

But she ignored his unspoken pleas and entered the cave behind him. “Tobi, I’m sorry I didn’t-” she started and he knew she was going to apologise, but she stopped when he turned his head. The lantern light flickered in her eyes as she looked over him, every inch of him. Tobi hand moved towards his kunai pouch, just one throw and she could never see him ever again. His hand, however, refused to move. Instead he stood there frozen to let her stare at him.

“You- “ she said, stepping forward closer to him, “You have scars..” He made a “tsk” sound and pulled his head away, but she had already closed the gap between them. A soft hand touched his cheek before he could stop it. If he had revelled in their tiny skin contact before, this seemed almost obscenely close. Her hands were tiny, warm and a little roughed up from the climb up the hill. But they felt wonderful on his skin and his heart felt heavy and yearning for more. It had been so long since he’d been touched. Long, long, long, back before he was dead.

She used her pointer finger to trace along the lines of the deep scars on his face, over his functioning eye and under it, carefully, as if she could hurt him again if she would be too harsh. Obito could feel himself melt under it, wishing she would never stop. Right from the beginning she hadn’t been scared of him even though she maybe should have. She had taken him in, maybe out of pity, maybe out of curiosity and spent time with him. When their eyes met again she said: “You’re very handsome, Tobi.”

And there it was, Obito thought. Tobi was the one who could let people come close to him. Tobi could freely talk with beautiful women and have relationships with them in a way Obito never could. Tobi could do whatever he wanted if someone decided to trust him. She liked that about Tobi, the fact that he was goofy and approachable and non threatening. It was only logical that Tobi was also able to get even closer to her if he wanted to. Tobi was the sort of character that could kiss pretty girls if he wanted to. Not Obito. Obito was just the observer, so he thought.

He couldn’t help himself from pulling her even closer, letting their chests push against each other. He half assumed she would push herself away from him, now, after all, disgusted with his face, his only eye, his arms and legs visible to her for the first time, but she did not. She stayed with her hand on his face, holding his cheeks in between them like a rare gift she needed to take care of. And he wanted her to take care of him. 

Obito saw her lips wet right in front of him. He wondered if they felt as soft as they looked. He wondered if she was also watching him and then suddenly felt very aware of his own body’s shortcomings. But her eyes never left his face and when the pull became too strong, Tobi took the lead. Unafraid as always, he leaned down and closed the distance between them. 

– –

Kissing was an absolute wonder, Obito thought. She clearly knew it better than he did. Her tongue lightly touched his lips and then pressed on through to force him to open his mouth, and he did, following her lead wherever she went. She was pressing herself against him flatly now, her hands moving from his face to his hair and back. Obito wanted her even closer. An urge moved him to pull her down with him, onto the place in the cave where he’d laid out some pillows for him to sit on.

When Obito had been young, the boys had talked about this thing the adults did to make children. They’d fantasised about it and sometimes spied on the occasional public couple in their home village. It had all seemed so odd and wrong to him then, but he was still a child. Back when he’d been naive, before he had died. Boys his age usually had much more experience with this by now, but Obito had not had the chance.

Tobi seemed self assured though, and so Obito helped her out of her clothes without even his fingers shaking. When he kissed her neck she sighed, when he graced the thin skin on her throat with his teeth, she winced and when he kissed her she pulled his hair to pull him in closer. All of it was happening at once, and the feeling was overwhelming.

This person melted under his fingers as much as he melted under hers. Each clothing item removed felt like one barrier falling. Maybe if it were Obito he would have been scared of revealing so much of himself to another person, but Tobi was not scared. It was all a big adventure to Tobi. Her boobs were freed and open in front of him and he touched them and kissed them just like he had read in dirty books as a teenager. Clearly those dirty books were not entirely wrong, because soon she began squirming under him.

“I-I’ve never…” Obito suddenly said in his own voice. She had taken his hand and put it between her legs. Her eyes were reflected by the lamplight again and then she sat up. She shimmied out of her own underwear, now completely naked before him, and took his hand again. His cock felt harder against his own underwear than it had been his entire life up to this point.

She angled his fingers and he followed like a puppet. “I’ll show you” Her smile was sweet and inviting. “We start with one.” Then she pushed his finger into her. It was warm and wet. Obito knew that her being wet meant that she had enjoyed what he had done so far and was into it, and it sent a shiver up his spine. 

“Keep your finger angled like this”, she said and showed him with her own hand, before falling back into the pillows. “Yes, like that. Now move.” He did as instructed, pushing his finger as far as he could into her. “Yes.”

He couldn’t help but activate his sharingan to memorise everything that was happening. The way her body moved under him when he angled his fingers. The way her eyelids fluttered when he kissed her nipples or bit her shoulder. He felt unusually proud of his ability to do these things to her, when in reality she had just told him what to do.

Lightly she touched her hand on his hand. He looked up to meet her eyes. “Two fingers”, she ordered, her breath a little heavy now. He did as instructed and angled his fingers into her again. He watched as one of her own hands found it’s way between her legs. She was touching something just above where his hand was. He kept pushing and watching what she was doing with her own fingers.

Her breath came in hard now and her eyes stayed permanently closed. She let out sounds sometimes that he could feel vibrate at his core and his cock. Part of him wished for nothing else but her to undress his pants so he could let it out, but he kept doing what she had told him to do. Making her feel like this, lose herself like this, Obito revelled in it. This was fun. He was enjoying himself. 

“Faster”, she breathed out. He had watched her long enough for his sharingan to memorise the spot she was twirling her fingers over, so he carefully stopped her hand from moving and instead pressed his own thumb on it. This earned him a yelp from her and her hips jerked upwards into him. “It’s… almost”, she said and Obito felt spurred on.

She came with a long sigh as if she’d just been relieved by a heavy burden. Her body twitched underneath him and her insides pulsed around his fingers. He pushed forward, open eye watching her squirm. Her face was red now, mouth permanently opened for the pants that now escaped her. He was glad that the sharingan was available to him. He would replay this moment until the day he died, Obito thought.

“Now… you”, she said and pressed his hand out of her. Obito would have kept going, but she was over him before he could protest. Her kisses were warm and urgent on his skin, her breath was still heavy. Clearly she was still riding the aftermath of her high and didn’t want it to stop. She moved her way down over his torso, carefully tracing his scars and then they arrived at his underwear, which clearly showed the outline of his hard cock

She grinned at him and winked: “We should let that one out, don’t you think?” He wasn’t thinking at all, Obito wanted to say, but his mouth was dry and unable to let out a single sound other than a sigh when her hands traced over the tip of him. She took his underwear off quickly and let his cock reach its full height. For a second she just admired it and Obito felt strangely nervous about the way her eyes shone.

Then she lifted herself up over him, pressing him back into the cushions. They exchanged a look and she let herself down over him, perfectly angling his cocks so that he could easily slide inside. The feeling that invited him almost knocked him out. He moaned in his own voice before he could stop it and that brought forth a little giggle from her side. “You have to promise to tell me when you are close, alright?” she said and he nodded, though the words took a bit to reach him.

She took his hand into hers and kissed it softly before she started moving over him, her hips now the ones going forward and back over him. Obito could not decide if his eyes should be open to watch the spectacle that was happening above him or if he needed them closed to enjoy the intensity of it all. 

He’d touched himself, of course he had. Part of getting to know the realities of the world was getting to know your own realities. But his hand, even with lubricant, had not been as wet and warm as she was. Her hips ever so slightly moved forward. She was clearly taking it slow, probably because he had mentioned it was his first time. He didn’t want it to end quickly either, so he took his eyes off her face and to the ceiling.

This was definitely something he would take into his unending dream, he thought. This sensation, if from her or from anyone else, was absolutely worth keeping. It almost made him feel which just wasn’t anything he had for a while. It made him feel like himself, though who that was still seemed up in the air.

It took him maybe five more minutes until he reached the point in which he was nothing but a gasping mess. “Close”, was the only thing he said and realised he hadn’t spoken much since he’d threatened her what felt like hours ago. His voice was rough and deeper than the one Tobi had. She raised a brow at that, bowed forward to kiss his lips and then lifted herself up again.

Losing this intimate touch was like a sting to Obito’s heart but she rewarded him immediately again, by letting her mouth fall over his cock. The sensation wasn’t quite as strong, but it was electrifying nonetheless. Her tongue swirled over his tip and he gave in, filling her mouth so much that she coughed after he swallowed. 

There was nothing that they could have cleaned themselves with, so she was just content to wipe her face with the back of her hand. Obito reached for her and she gladly let him take her into his arms. They remained like this for a while silently, just the light bouncing off the walls and reflecting in their eyes when they looked at each other.

How lucky was it that Tobi was a person who could talk to someone he was interested in, that he was funny and trustworthy and carefree. Tobi was free to do such things when he felt like it. He was not forced to be Madara or the Shadow Mizukage or the masked man. Tobi was Tobi. The painful realisation hung over Obito like a sword. This wasn’t him she was interested in, it was just another one of his fake personalities.

And now that his skin cooled down and the light got lower and the excitement faded, the reality was also back on his mind. This world was nothing but lies and deceit. He had led her on to come here for him, used her like she was nothing more than an experiment. Maybe Tobi was that sort of person, he thought, but Obito was not.

Her hand wandered up to his empty eye socket that he had covered with a patch. She traced the outline and looked at him, still her eyes shining in admiration. Obito didn’t want to lose the intimacy that he was craving so much, but he knew he was being unjust to her. The future for her might be bad enough, he didn’t need to pile onto it.

So he leaned down and held her chin up with his finger, while her hands framed his face again just like she had earlier in the evening. He touched her lips carefully, almost lovingly to let the sweet taste of her run through him one last time. She sighed and pulled him closer, urging to stay as near him as possible, but when he pulled away she opened her eyes to see nothing but a red fog.

– –

He couldn’t remove all her memories of him, too many people had seen her with Tobi every day when he couldn’t stop himself from visiting her. So he just altered it a little. When she woke in the morning, not far from the rocks at the beach, she assumed she’d just fallen asleep after the festival and nothing more. She went home early in the morning as if nothing had happened.

She continued selling oranges on that place at the beach, holding out for a long while in hopes that Tobi would come visit again, but in vain. Sometimes for no reason one or two or three oranges went missing when she wasn’t directly looking, but this made her none the wiser.

Meanwhile half across the continent in a much more damp place also surrounded by an ocean, a man started gaining a reputation. He was wearing a mask of bright orange, a swirl curving around his only eyehole. If she’d seen it, if she’d ever met him or heard about him, she would have instantly recognised him from that summer at the beaches, but she lived remotely and the shinobi world meant nothing to her.

The woman only saw Tobi again when some deep, powerful sleep took her away for a while. There he welcomed her as if he had missed her just as much as she had missed him.

[trees-and-a-blue-sky]

There is a new ghost there when he opens the door to his room one day. A woman. She sits legs crossed on the window sill, a braid draped over the right side of her shoulder. 

“Hello”, Ren says carefully, stepping forward closer to his bed. The woman turns her head to him, her smile is more like a grin. It dances cheekily at the side of her face. “Hello”, she says back.

“Name is Sayuri”, she waves and Ren immediately has to think of the Sayuri Uchiha he knows. “I’m Ren”, he replies. “I know.” Ren wonders how often his dead Uchiha relatives just hang around and talk about him and his family. How much they watch him.

“We are not related” she says, lifting herself up from the place she had been sitting on. “At least not closely as far as I know.” Ren watches her walk over and stop in front of him. She surely must be older than him, but she isn’t much taller. “I would not have come to visit you like this if I didn’t have a favour to ask.”

Ren isn’t really in the mood to play messenger for dead people today. He frowns a little, caught between wanting to help and feeling awkward about it. Especially to someone that technically does not belong to his family.

Sayuri notices his hesitation. She puts her head to the side that her braid falls to her back: “I am content with being dead.” She says it as if it's true. “I just have one regret that needs clearing up. If you do this for me you will not see my face again. I promise.”

The boy scratches his neck, he really isn’t a person that can deny a request. Especially if its the last wish of a dead person that died in a tragic massacre. “Alright”, he replies finally.

They walk along the busy path of the village and Ren looks out of the corner of his eye to Sayuri, who can’t stop her eyes from wandering around. “It’s all so different”, she mumbles, “but somehow still familiar.” 

“How old were you when you died?” he asks. She answers without looking at him: “20.” 

“Did Uncle Itachi kill you too?” 

“No.”

That is new information to him. After all he had heard that the massacre had been completely Itachi’s doing. He puts his head to the side: “No? Who did then?” Sayuri looks into his face, there is something in her eyes that Ren can’t quite name. “It does not matter”, she says finally. Somehow he can’t shake the feeling that she is protecting the person who did it.

They are at the hokage tower before Ren realises where she’s led him. “Here?” he asks, confused. “I need you to speak with Kakashi.” She says his name so casually, even more casually than his father does. 

“I can’t just walk into the Hokage office”, Ren answers deadpan. “Kakashi-jiji is busy.”  Sayuri waves the concern away: “He will make time.”

Still insecure he gets up the stairs, past the secretaries place and knocks right at the door of the hokage office. Sayuri is right beside him, eyes sternly on the wood of the door. Whatever she wants to see seems to weigh heavy on her mind.

“Come in”, the Hokage says in his usual lazy voice. Ren enters. Sayuri walks past him, directly to Kakashi-jiji and circles him. “He looks good”, she says and grins, which makes Ren shake his head. Of the things he doesn’t want to hear, that must be one of the top ones. 

“Ren”, Kakashi-jiji smiles and puts his hands together in front of his face. “What can I do for you? If you want to know about your father I can presently also not tell you where he is.” Ren blushes at the fact that everybody in town always pities him for his runaway dad. 

He shakes his head and says, a little nervous: “I’ve come to deliver a message.” It sounds so stilted coming out of his mouth. “A message?” Kakashi asks kindly. 

“From Sayuri, Uchiha Sayuri”, he says and his eyes lock with Sayuri’s for just a moment. “Oh what is she up to?” Kakashi laughs, leaning back a little. Ren realises he does not think of the right person, that he too thinks of their Sayuri. 

From the window Ren can hear the woman sigh: “It wounds me, Kakashi, my old friend, that I’m not the first person you think of.” And then more to himself than to Ren: “It makes sense, but it hurts nonetheless.”

Ren scrambles, fingers fidgeting behind his back. He turns his eyes back to Kakashi: “A- A different Sayuri.” Kakashi puts his head to the side. “She- she died when she was 20.” Now his eyes get wider: “What are you saying?” 

The boy really feels nervous now. It is so difficult to explain his ability to others without sounding insane. “She is here”, he says, pointing a shaky finger to the window. “She has something to tell you, through me.”

“Ren, that sounds-” Kakashi starts, but Ren cuts him off: “I’m not crazy!” Sayuri walks around to let a hand fall over Ren’s shoulder. “Tell him what I’m saying.” Ren breathes out: “She said you are a damned idiot and she never thought there would be a time you’d be un-unkind to children. Idiot sandwich.” He has never said anything so insulting to the Hokage before. He never would.

Kakashi laughs: “That does sound like her.” Sayuri walks back to Kakashi, settling herself down on his desk. “Idiot”, she smiles at him, lifting a finger as if she is about to touch his face, but she stops mid air as he talks again: “Ren, tell me, if Sayuri is there. Why did she not come to speak to me personally? If she has a message for me?”

“Because I can see them” Ren answers without hesitation. “There are more. I can see and talk to them. They come to me. Usually it is close family only.” Kakashi furrows his brow. “He has a hard time believing you”, Sayuri states, having gotten up now and walking in half circles behind him.

Kakashi leans forward in his chair again, letting his eye wander around the room as if he would spot her if he just concentrated. “So, Sayuri, what do you want from me?” She stops right behind him. “Repeat for me, please, Ren,” she says and Ren nods, which must look very odd to Kakashi-jiji.

“You lost your sharingan eye”, she says looking into his face again. “Plus you grew a new one somehow.”

Ren repeats her. Kakashi laughs: “A miracle. I gave the gift back to Obito who needed it more.” 

“You buried me”, she continues, now in a much lower voice. Ren repeats her. “You buried me. Most of the Uchiha’s were put in a mass grave but you removed me, away from my father’s house and had me cremated and burned. You paid for it out of pocket. You were there, Gai-kun was there.” Ren feels weird about using -kun for a person that is older than him, but repeats her anyway “You did not have to do that. But you did it anyway.”

“Yes, I did”, Kakashi breathes deeply. “That must have been expensive”, Sayuri continues. Ren weighs his head: “She- she says that you must have paid quite some for that.”

Kakashi scoffs: “Is she here to complain about the fact that I wanted to give her a proper burial? That I tried to keep her eyes out of Danzo’s fat, sweaty hands?” Ren has no idea who Danzo is, so he just looks over to Sayuri. 

“No, she has something to say”, he repeats her words. 

Sayuri settles in front of his desk, legs slightly apart, hands grabbed behind her back. 

“Kakashi”, she says and Ren repeats it with “She is addressing you directly.” Kakashi looks up. “All- all the time we’ve spent together, when it was just the two of us. When Obito left and Rin died and Minato and Kushina died. Each night we spent together huddled under sheets in your bed.” 

Ren chokes at the words. It feels too intimate to repeat, but he does so anyway.

“We were thoroughly messed up, children of a war we had no stakes in, but we had each other and that was enough for a bit.” Kakashi’s eyes blink. “The nights I would sneak out of my house to come to your apartment, because I had gotten too used to having you by my side to sleep alone. It was all friendly of course, childish innocence and touch starved affection.”

She breathes in and out. “It was, without a doubt, the best thing about my short life. The nights with you in your apartment, when the terrible world was too far away to exist in our little refuge. Out there I was alone, but not in here, in here I had you.”

The woman stutters, voice breaking and Ren realises she is crying. He waits for more words. “Is that it?” Kakashi asks softly, worried he might offend. “She- She is looking for words”, Ren says, which is not a lie.

“I should have told you”, Sayuri says finally.

Ren repeats her: “She felt like there was something she should have told you.”

“I was so young then still, not really an adult yet, I did not understand it then maybe, not as well as I do now. It was something I felt for a long while, maybe years, without being able to admit it, but then I did and I could never say it.”

Kakashi lifts a brow. “She wants to tell you to get closure”, Ren repeats.

 Sayuri is crying a lot now, shoulders shaking, lips quivering. Ren waits again for her to get the words together. 

“I guess- I guess it makes no sense to wait - “ She breathes in and out again. “I love you. Always have probably.

Ren stops, unable to say the words he just heard. Too personal. He blushes and takes a step back. “I can’t say that”, he says out loud and Sayuri throws a look at him. It is, however, Kakashi-jiji who speaks: “Ren, please.”

“She-she says she loves you. That she always has.”

Kakashi lets out a sharp breath. “Sayuri- “ he begins but she cuts him off. “I know you are happy now with someone else, I know, I know. You should be, you deserve it so much, but I can’t help thinking what could have been if I’d lived. And maybe nothing would have ever been, maybe we would have stayed friends until the end of both our lives and that would have been fine. I’m not here in revenge or anger. I’m here to tell you that at your lowest, when you hated yourself more than any other person in the cruel world we were young in, I loved you. I want you to always remember that.”

She turns on her heel suddenly, walking away from the desk, still crying. Ren follows her with her eyes, stunned at the exchange. Nobody speaks for a moment or so. “Thank you for telling me that”, Kakashi finally says, his voice so soft, but so full of grief. “I am thankful you did.” 

“He just says that to make me feel better,” Sayuri mumbles under tears and keeps walking. “I cherish our time together too. It's a treasured memory” Kakashi says, a hand running through his hair.

Ren shakes his head. “She tells you to shut up with that sentimental crap.” Kakashi laughs. Sayuri walks right past him to the door. “She says she is leaving now. That she- she wishes you a happy life.” 

“I’ll always be watching over you in some way,” Sayuri says, wiping the tears off her face. Suddenly Kakashi rises, eyes wide again. “Sayuri.” She turns back to him. “She is still there”, Ren points with his finger.

“Did- did Obito…?” he asks, voice shaking. Ren frowns. What has Uncle Obito got to do with it? “She says ‘yes’” Ren repeats for her. Kakashi-jiji somehow grows pale.

“I’m going to see him next”, Sayuri looks over her shoulder and smiles. “Relief him of one burden at least.” Ren repeats her and then, realising what she said, protests himself: “You talked about one favour!”

[dreamersscape]

In Which I Attempt to Wreak Havoc Upon Panharmonium's Heart. Or Something.

Because I am an awesome friend, clearly, and possibly making people sad/verklempt is definitely an excellent way to (belatedly 😔 but I did start before the 15th!) celebrate Kakashi's birthday, right? ;)

I will admit up front that this is nowhere near as deftly structured and compiled as your Kakashi fanmix, @panharmonium, but that is precisely why I'm not even going to try to organize all these songs into individual playlists. Yet. Plus, I have a tendency to over-explain so this way I can better expound on why certain songs remind me of certain characters. Sorry that I sorta went a little... overboard?

Everything--except a few that aren't available on spotify, I'll link to them directly--can be listened to HERE.

What I'm Looking For - Brendan Benson | Kakashi → I may be a little biased with this one because it fits SO many of my favorite characters so well, somehow, but there's just something about the upbeat/tongue-in-cheek musical cues/delivery of lines such as 'I visit hell on a daily basis, and I see the sadness in all your faces' that just feels so Kakashi to me.

Happy Ending - MIKA | Kakashi → This is presumably a breakup song, but I enjoy it so much more in a non-romantic context (and the song itself isn't really boxed in with overtly romantic framing, so I appreciate that!). Anyway, some very important instructions IMO for listening to this with Kakashi in mind: everything before the bridge is about Kakashi up through his ANBU years, but when you get to the 'little bit of love' refrain, picture Kakashi meeting Tenzo, and then becoming Team 7's sensei, opening back up to Gai, adopting all the other leaf genin, assimilating Sai and Yamato into Team 7, and it keeps building with Kakashi gaining more and more loved ones to fill the hole in his heart, and then cry tears of joy with me! Just my personal suggestion. :D

Light - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team 7 (/all his kids)

with every heartbeat I have left I will defend your every breath

→ I've seen this song used for ship vids and I'm all ????? about that because this is clearly a song about the love you have for your child! But I suppose if one of my favorite pastimes is aggressively re-interpreting love songs in non-romantic ways, I can't begrudge the opposite process... too much, lol.

Heroes - MIKA | Team Minato

your blood on me/and my blood on you/but to make you bleed/the only thing I wouldn't do/.../I wish there was a way/to give you a hand to hold/'cause you don't have to die in your glory/die, to never grow old

Long Lost Friends - Transit | Kakashi & Obito

how long/do you have to say that/this is not the person I used to know/you are not the person I used to know/.../because lately, you've been looking at me like you've seen a ghost/and isn't it obvious who's been missing who the most

→ What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck!

Against the Voices - Switchfoot | Kakashi

'cause everybody knows/the hardest war to fight/is the fight to be yourself/when the voices try to turn you into someone else

Out of the Darkness - Matthew and the Atlas | Obito? Yamato? Kakashi? Itachi & Sasuke? Naruto & Kurama? → I'm a bit undecided about this one, or if I should just not worry about choosing one character and just let myself feel all the "inner darkness is not an innate characteristic, Danzo! They're just grieving/in a lot of pain, and they can find their way out of that dark place!" feels.

Save A Place - 1969 | Kakashi & Sasuke

so I'll keep away and save a place for you/and I'll only make the same mistakes as you/.../when all the blood all over your fingers is dried up/the pain will still linger

→ I'm not uber-confident in picking out really fitting Kakashi & Sasuke songs yet, but I hope this hits a lot of the right notes for you. :)

Thrive - Switchfoot | Kakashi

I'm always close, but I'm never enough/I'm always in line, but I'm never in love/I get so down, but I won't give up/I get so down, but I won't give up

→ See, it says right there that he's never in love! Not the crux of the song, and he's not always 'in line' either, but still! :)

Disarm - The Civil Wars | Kakashi & Obito

the years burn, burn, burn

→ I don't know how I keep collecting fictional relationships that work so well for this song, but literally every single line of this song hits so hard for these two?? Will never recover from this. (Also, I usually disregard when 'my love' pops up in the last line of the chorus, as the mood dictates. :) It's pretty incidental as is IMO.)

Renaissance - Paolo Buonvino & Skin | Sakumo & Obito & Kakashi & Naruto

let me show you one last time/let me show you one last sign/you can find it/I can't say that I can change the world/but if you let me, I can make another world for us/let me suffer all for you/make this vision all brand new/we can fight them/I can't say that I can win it all, [but] come with me and I will make my words stand tall

→ Okay, this is a very odd choice given that it's actually the theme song for a different show about the Italian renaissance (if you happen to see this, Mirjam, don't hate me!), but this could be IT! The "those who break the rules are scum, but those who would abandon their friends are worse than scum" anthem that's all about building a better world based on these principles! I really hope our sharing-a-brain talent translates to listening to this song in this way because I am feeling SOME KIND of way about this!

The Lament of Eustace Scrubb - The Oh Hellos | Kakashi → I really liked the song you chose from this album for your fanmix, so now I've feeling a tiny bit too on-the-nose with my choice, but I guess this is just a Kakashi album all around. 😆

Glass Heart Hymn - Paper Route | Kakashi(+ Obito) & Sasuke(+ Itachi)

memories as heavy as a stone/ I am empty, in my end you are my beginning

This Is Home - Switchfoot | Yamato & Kakashi (+ Team 7)

and now, after all my searching/after all my questions/I'm gonna call it home

→ All finding-where-you-belong songs are actually Yamato songs. True story!

Faust, Midas, & Myself - Switchfoot | Obito

you have one life left to leave/you have one life left to lead

→ Could this be any more perfect for Obito? It even has creepy-old-man!Madara!

Pluto - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

Always Gold - Radical Face | Kakashi & Obito/Sasuke & Itachi/Naruto & Sasuke

all my life, I've never known where you've been/there were holes in you, the kind that I could not mend/and I heard you say, right when you left that day/does everything go away?/yeah, everything goes away/but I'm going to be here till forever/so just call when you're around

→ ...but mostly Kakashi & Obito because 'there were holes in you' 😭😭😭

Lemon Boy - Cavetown | Yamato & Kakashi → You already know the delights of this song of course, but I gots to be comprehensive. :)

Everywhere I Go - Lissie/cover by Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team Minato

danger will follow me now everywhere I go/angels will call on me and take me to my home/well, these tired eyes just want to remain closed

→ I chose the Sleeping At Last cover for maximum angst, 'cause sometimes it be like that.

Uneven Odds - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

maybe your light is a seed, and the darkness the dirt, in spite of the uneven odds, beauty lifts from the earth

→ ...just like an earth style: mud wall :') Okay, okay, bad jokes aside, the seed metaphor of course makes me want to associate it with Tenzo, but this is clearly a Kakashi song!

Twenty-four - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito

life is not what I thought it was twenty-four hours ago/and I'm not who I thought I was twenty-four hours ago/still I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/you're raising the dead in me/I wanna see miracles/to see the world change/wrestled the angel for more than a name/for more than a feeling, for more than a cause/I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/and you're raising the dead in me

I'm Still Here (Jim's Theme) - John Rzeznik | Kakashi

and how can they say I never change?/they're the ones that stay the same/.../they can't tell me who to be/'cause I'm not what they see/.../and their words are just whispers/and lies that I'll never believe

→ Yeah, I might've accidentally imprinted on Treasure Planet as a 14 year old, and then someone made sure this song would forever live in my heart by making a fanvid of it with my favorite character from my robin hood show, but! He's still here!

See You Again - Wiz Khalifa (feat. Charlie Puth) | Kakashi & Obito/Team Minato

how can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?/everything I went through, you were standing there by my side/and now you gon' be with me for the last ride

→ I am being very unoriginal here, and there are in fact already fanvids made for these relationships set to this song (along with many others featuring different Naruto relationships), but I don't think I'll be able to rest until I translate the movie playing in my head whenever I hear this song now into an actually watchable format. After all, they have come a long way from where they began, and I intend to make that both as touching and ironically hilarious as possible!

Goodnight, Travel Well - The Killers | Kakashi → Admittedly, I got this idea from a magnificently crafted fanvid done for my robin hood show, but I genuinely think it would be really interesting to make something similar for Kakashi centered around the time he technically died but got better? I don't know how to explain it, but I think it fits quite well.

30 Lives - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi & all the people he's loved and lost → can be listened to here.

A Pound of Flesh - Radical Face | Kakashi

then today I wake up feeling easy/and find I'm on more familiar roads/I got a darkness wrapped inside me/but now it ain't so hard to let it go/so keep a candle burning in the window/I'm almost home

Hold Back The River - James Bay | Kakashi & life getting in the way of him being with his precious people (you may be sensing a pattern here) → @the road of life: Let! Kakashi! And his People! Hold! Each! Other!!! Also, 'tried to square not being there, but think that I should have been' is absolutely about Sasuke's defection and Kakashi adding it to his long list of undeserving self-recriminations.

The Fall - Imagine Dragons | Yamato & Kakashi → 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

Shadowman - K's Choice | could work equally well for Kakashi or Obito, I think

any time tomorrow a part of me will die/and a new one will be born/any time tomorrow/I'll get sick of asking why/sick of all the darkness I have worn/any time tomorrow/I will try to do what's right/making sense of all I can/any time tomorrow I'll pretend to see the light/I just might/.../and doesn't it make you sad?/to see so much love denied/see nothing but a shadowman inside

Paint - The Paper Kites | Kakashi & Team 7

still there's a wound and I'm moving slow/though it don't show, though it don't show/I've got a hole where nothing grows,/how little you know, how little you know

→ A song for just how much Team 7 doesn't know about their sensei.

Always Find Me Here - Transit | Kakashi → ...most likely at the memorial stone. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (why am I like this)

Taste - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

it’s bittersweet, it’s poetry/a careful pruning of my dead leaves/it’s holy ground, a treasure chest/I'm on my knees and only scratch the surface/like fists unraveling, like glass unshattering/we’re breaking all the rules, we’re breaking bread again/we’re swallowing light ’til we’re fixed from the inside

Help - Hurts | Yamato & Kakashi

take my hand and lead the way/out of the darkness and into the light of the day/.../'cause I know what I've been missing/and I know that I should try/but there's hope in this admission/and there's freedom in your eyes/.../I can feel the darkness coming/and I'm afraid of myself/call my name and I'll come running/'cause I just need some help

→ NO ONE TOUCHE ME.

Your Soul - RHODES | A mish-mash of Kakashi & Tenzo and Rin & Obito & Kakashi and Gai & Kakashi vibes? → So like, 'oh you know when you're alone/I'm holding on and on and on and on/to your soul' reminded me of your 'when you're all alone...the only thing you really think about is dying' 'but when there are two of you...the only thing you can think about is surviving.' and now kakashi - who just saved his life - is asking him 'did you want to die' and yamato is saying 'no' there are two of them and yamato wants to SURVIVE. tags as well as Gai's steadfastness as a friend, and 'I just wanna hold your hand' made me think of Rin's "Well then, I'm just going to have to connect the two of you." while holding their hands, and the sunlight/'soul shine'/'your light' motif is just A Lot in this song!!

7 Years - Lukas Graham | Kakashi → Alright, yeah, there are already approximately a gazillion pre-existing Naruto AMVs for this song and even one or two focusing on Kakashi, but they don't capitalize on all the angst possibilities in many of the lyrics or reach the fluff potential of 'will I think the world is cold or will I have a lot of children who can warm me [when I'm old]' and I cannot abide that!

Putting The Dog To Sleep - The Antlers | Kakashi & Sasuke → Okay, on one hand, this song is One Big Oof. But I do like the (potentially odd) way I've conceptualized it for Kakashi & Sasuke? Like, the first half is Kakashi going through all the tragedies in his life and getting lost in ANBU, but then in the second half it transitions to him wanting to prevent Sasuke from having to be as alone as Kakashi once was and they can face life together? It makes me emotional!

Trust Me - The Fray | Kakashi & Obito

I found a friend, or should I say a foe?/said there's a few things you should know/we don't want you to see/we come, and we go/here today, gone tomorrow

→ There are a few lines that call Tenzo & Kakashi to mind, but mostly it's Obito & Kakashi.

The Lightning Strike (What If This Storm Ends?) - Snow Patrol | Kakashi → I had to, right? My mindscape is a little murky/scattered about what specifically I want to think about when I listen to this, but obviously it has to do with Kakashi in one way or another.

Kettering - The Antlers | Team Minato(???) → Honestly not sure if this will make any sense, but yeah, vague team minato vibes?

Swans - Unkle Bob | Kakashi & Obito/Rin/Minato/Kushina/Sakumo → They should be by his side always!!!

Looking Too Closely - Fink | Kakashi → I honestly feel rather ambivalent about this one too, but I can't deny 'truth is like blood underneath your fingernails/and you don't wanna hurt yourself, hurt yourself/looking too closely' always destroys me because... well, you know. I love suffering. :(

Souvenirs - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito & Rin

wolves - Switchfoot | Kakashi

snowfall for the battlefield/roses for the father's sons/see them red on the ground:/bleeding/when the revolution came/we were more than hungry men/we were hoping for more:/bleeding/end. begin again./all of my world is collision and spin/hope is a world that has yet to begin/awaken, oh sleeper/awaken, oh sleeper/a new day begins

→ I wanted a wolf-related song too. :)

PRODIGAL SOUL - Switchfoot | Obito, Itachi, & Sasuke; just all them wayward Uchiha boys

Coming Down - Dear Euphoria | kid!Kakashi & his relationships

the shell/that I wore/it wasn't for fun/it wasn't to make you/stick around/it was for survival/it was what I've learnt/it was for the sun/.../our love has grown/our love has flown

→ Another one I'm a little unsure of whether it makes sense outside of my head or not, but I like the vibes?

Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons | Kakashi & Yamato? → Hmm, can I maybe submit this as a Kakashi-&-Yamato-just-need-to-mske-it-through-this-war-so-they-can-have-a-bright-bright-future song?

All Is Well (It's Only Blood) - Radical Face | Kakashi → ...he said as he's bleeding out or after he's thrown himself in the line of fire protecting someone he thinks is a better person than himself...

Bleeding Out - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi

when the hour is nigh/and hopelessness is sinking in/and the wolves all cry/to fill the night with hollering/when your eyes are red/and emptiness is all you know/with the darkness fed/I will be your scarecrow/you tell me to hold on/oh, you tell me to hold on/but innocence is gone/and what was right is wrong

→ In a similar vein to the previous song. But goodness gracious! Were they NOT straight up describing Kakashi here?

Amaryllis - Shinedown | Yamato & Kakashi → Just tossing this one out there, not sure if it will make sense or if it's a reach... but I like it?

lost 'cause - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Sasuke

are we a lost cause?/or are we just lost 'cause/we won't be the future we refuse to see?/and if I'm your lost cause/it'll be your lost 'cause/you won't see me as I am, the possibility/that I'm not the enemy

→ 214 feels. (And before and after that, but yeah.)

Through the Ghost - Shinedown | Kakashi & Obito

so many silent sorrows/you never hear from again/and now that you've lost tomorrow/is yesterday still a friend?/.../everything that mattered is just/a city of dust/covering both of us/did you hide yourself away?/I can't see you anymore/.../did you hide yourself away?/are you living through the ghost?/did you finally find a place/above the shadows so the world will never know?/the world will never know you like I do ... like I still do

Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men | Kakashi → Just Kakashi having little chats with his ghosts, totally the most heartwarming way to conclude this section. 😅

Sleepyhead - Passion Pit | Kakashi → Just kidding! Here's a slightly less morbid song for the Most Tired Boy Of Them All.™ (Random aside: this was my customary song to listen to on my walks to 8AM organic chemistry classes; I found it strangely soothing! On a different occasion, after a particularly long day for her, one of my roommates didn't have the energy to make it to her bed but nevertheless requested a lullaby from us. So I obliged by playing this song for her, but she didn't seem to gain the same peace of mind from it as I did. 😄 I know it's not my place to propose anything like this, but it does amuse me to imagine bookends!Kakashi in these situations, even though it's not OChem classes he has to go to.)

General/Miscellaneous:

Rise Above It - Switchfoot | Ensemble

don't care what they're telling me/we can be what we want to be/.../just because it's law doesn't mean that it's fair/.../don't believe the system's on your side/.../the curse is spoken/the system's broken; rise above it

→ I mean, how could I not think about Naruto when this song also has the lines 'hear us sing tonight like the last night on earth/we will rise like the tide/like dead men coming back to life/we are rising, rising'? It's fun to be literal sometimes!

Doorways - Radical Face | Allllll the traumatized children → Someone has to put all those tragic childhood flashbacks to good use, after all.

Ghost Towns - Radical Face | take your pick of Itachi, Sasuke, or Post-Kannabi-Bridge!Obito

there's no comin' home/with a name like mine/I still think of you/but everyone knows/yeah everyone knows/if you care, let it go

Blinding Light - Switchfoot | Hey, Hiruzen? You may have coined the phrase, "children are the king" but I don't think you truly understand it... (insert Princess Bride joke here)

hey boy, don't believe them/we're the nation that eats our youth/.../still looking for the blinding light/still looking for the reason why/still looking for the sun to shine/all my life I've been living in the darkest night/still looking for the blinding light/to take me higher and higher

Brother's Blood - Kevin Devine | EVERYONE → ...but certainly so much you could do with Itachi & Sasuke, Obito & Kakashi, Shisui & Itachi, even Hashirama & Madara! Sakumo's teammates turning their backs on him and saying 'I don't know one thing about my brother's blood'?!?! There are SO MANY ideas I have for this song! It gives me chills and makes my brain scream.

We Need Each Other - Sanctus Real | Ensemble → Already mentioned this one to you, but I have to include it here for thoroughness' sake!

Whispering - Alex Clare | the Hidden Leaf's lost/ostracized children/orphans

who will care for the falling?/who will care for the falling leaves?

So this is probably a strange concept to come up with and apply to this song, but the 'whispering, whispering, whispering' parts brought Konaha's virulent gossiping/passing judgement about others and often kids they don't even know problem to mind, too, and yeah?

The World You Want - Switchfoot | Ensemble → If I were to make a fanvid set to this song, I would definitely keep a broad focus, but I can't deny that the lines 'you start to look like what you believe, you float through time like a stream, if the waters of time are made up by you and I, I could change the world for you, you change it for me' FOR SURE has strong Obito & Kakashi/Kakashi & Tenzo vibes.

Red Eyes - Switchfoot | Ensemble, but definitely many dashes of Uchihas 😄 → I would like to thank Masashi Kishimoto for creating a world where red eyes are a Thing of Importance so I can one day make a fanvid using this song in not just the tired or teary bloodshot-red eyes way, but in a very literal sense too.

TAKE MY FIRE - Switchfoot | The Will of Fire → 'Cause I think I'm sooooo clever. 😄

Above The Clouds Of Pompeii - Bear's Den | various parent & child relationships → This obviously derives from the not-caring-about-your-female-characters problem, but it always gets me that all the single parents in the Naruto universe are almost invariably the fathers! I guess sometimes you can safely guess that the mothers are still alive/exist, but either way we hardly ever get to see them. :/ The one exception I can think of right now is Kurenai, but maybe I'm forgetting another conspicuous single mother. Anyway, I don't know if this helps or hinders more a potential Naruto fanvid for this song, but regardless, it still gives me feelings?

Who We Are - Switchfoot | Ensemble → It just makes me inordinately happy that the chorus for this song starts with 'who we are (in the fever of our youth)', you know? :D

Brother - Kodaline | all the friendships we can stuff in here and then some → Quite a well known song I'm pretty sure, but I love how many dynamics one could showcase in a potential fanvid of this. And, not gonna lie, 'oh brother, we go deeper than the ink beneath the skin of our tattoos' deserves to be used in some sort of Tenzo 'n' Kakashi or Team Ro fan creation!

Special Bonus:

Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine | Kakashi & Obito → I'm not sure whether I would have realized how well this works for Kakashi & Obito on my own, funnily enough, but then I found this fanvid of it (containing only scenes you've seen naturally!) and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It's so well done!

[thinknicht]

Kakashi loses his father and Minato gains a puppy

Kakashi had been mad at his dad for months now – for screwing up that stupid mission, for losing all his awesome reputation because of it, for getting replaced by a ghost. Everybody had said his dad was going to cost them the war, that he was a selfish bastard; everybody had whispered and subtly let Kakashi know just how much of a disappointment his father was. 

It was so unfair! Why did he have to make a stupid mistake? He was supposed to be perfect, Konoha’s elite White Fang. Everybody was supposed to love and admire him… it shouldn’t be like this. The Hatake Sakumo he knew and admired was always proud and straight-backed, confident and sure. He wasn’t supposed to make mistakes, to have people hate him so much that they’d treat him and Kakashi both like trash. Kakashi… couldn’t do much. He was just a kid – but he could feel. He’d felt all sorts of things – he had been scared and ashamed and sad at it all – but mostly he’d been furious. He’d been mad at the old ladies gossiping about his dad on the street, at his classmates who’d previously admired him but would now shoot him derisive looks, at their parents who mumbled bad words behind his back, thinking he couldn’t hear – or perhaps not caring. But most of all he was mad at his dad for not defending himself, for not defending him. 

Picking up Kakashi from the Academy, he must have heard the whispering parents too, seen the looks Kakashi’s classmates kept shooting at him – but instead of standing proud whilst slinging Kakashi upon his shoulders like he had used to, Sakumo had bowed his head and said nothing. They had walked silently home, side by side – yet it had felt like they were worlds apart. He couldn't stop thinking about how his dad hadn’t met the eyes of those gossiping parents, or even their children. Of what those parents had said and how his dad’s hand had trembled on his back as he’d led Kakashi away.

The dishonoured White Fang. He too, must know the gravity of what he’d done, they whispered. Just look at him, at those eyebags and posture. It seemed like the pathetic scumbag at least recognized what he was. Suits him right, they crowed, for almost costing Konoha the war. It’d be better if that drunk disgrace just ended it already. 

The words had hurt – but they couldn't compare to his father's reaction. It had challenged some of Kakashi’s most visceral beliefs about what his dad was like. Day after day, his father would pick him up from the Academy and never defend him,  never look anyone in the eyes, like a beat down dog. Then, one day he didn't come. After waiting in the rain for over thirty minutes, Kakashi  had realised this. He’d been forgotten, cast aside.  No one would come to pick him up. Kakashi had begun walking home alone after that – every day. His father hadn’t mentioned it at dinner. The added responsibility was not as exciting as he’d always pictured it to be.

Some days it had all gotten to be too much and he’d said something rude and frustrated to his dad – but he hadn’t really meant it! He’d just been acting petulant. He’d just wanted things to get better… to go back to how they’d used to be. He’d wanted Sakumo to snap out of the weird dazes he got into lately, maybe even get angry at him and defend himself, even if Kakashi had to take the brunt of his fury. It would have been okay. Kakashi had just wanted him to react – anything at all would have been preferred to the emptiness that constantly seemed to follow him, dull grey eyes unnerving… unfocused… wrong . Kakashi had just wanted things to return to how they used to be.

 The winter was cold and harsh, reflecting Kakashi's mood perfectly. Overcast skies and short days were not conductive to good humor, but with the beginnings of spring, Kakashi felt the beginnings of new hope sprout within him. Perhaps, now that everything was brighter and better, his dad would get better too?

He'd been in a good mood all week so much so that he didn't even mind that much when his dad forgot to make breakfast or lunch or shown his face at all. This had happened a few times before, him falling asleep and not waking up for a long time. By dinner Kakashi decided to go look for him, maybe get him to come out to the porch and look at the rabbit den he'd spotted in the garden. And yet dad wasn’t in his room or the living room or the bathroom or the kitchen. After checking everywhere else he could think, he’d gone to the west wing. His father had always avoided it because it contained his mother’s old bedroom, the one both of his parents had used to sleep in before he was born… the one dad never used anymore. 

 There was a smell in the corridor… unpleasant, disgusting. He had been ignoring it until now, and he kept doing so. Maybe his father had left to the bar or even a mission! Or maybe he’d gone to mom's grave. He should just… 

He went back to the kitchen and ate dinner. He brushed his teeth. He put on his pajamas and went to bed. It had been a long time since his father had tucked him in. Normally, Kakashi was responsible in following his bed time, but that night he felt restless. Against his father’s wishes (who was he kidding, nobody would scold him) he flipped on the light again and paged through a scroll – he would look for dad tomorrow, hopefully by then the smell would be gone. But the stench was getting worse and worse and finally he set the scroll aside and propped himself up. There was no way he could keep ignoring it any longer. It had penetrated up his nostrils and into his bloodstream, slinking into the very marrow of his bones.  Those of Hatake descent had extremely sharp noses; at this rate sleeping would be impossible.

Resigned to some inminent pain in his nostrils, Kakashi crawled out of his futon and folded it carefully, his stomach pooling with dread. It was unreasonable. He wasn’t a little baby anymore – he was six . It was just a smell. Maybe some dead animal had gotten in, he told himself. He’d throw it out and that was that. And yet every part of him told him to turn around. He didn’t. 

 Earlier, Kakashi had left his mother’s room out of the search for his father before – perhaps because a part of him had known all along what he would find.  Still, the sight of his father’s rigid corpse shocked him down to the very core. It had to be a joke, a trick, a training exercise, he thought wildly, but he didn’t dare step into the room to check.  Kakashi was a logical creature even then and he knew that that made little sense – Sakumo hadn’t trained or played with him in months, and he was sensitive about strong smells. No. What he was seeing was exactly as it appeared.

He was dead. Not murdered or assassinated – dead.

The body of his dead father was sprawled upon the blood-splattered floor, flies buzzing around it noisily. A katana gleamed, reflecting the moonlight that streamed in from the window as it protruded from his stomach. Sepukku. The samurai’s suicide ritual.

Kakashi had known something was wrong even before going into his mother’s old room, but nothing could have prepared him for this. His father – dead. The flies, the blood, the smell, the choice he had made – seppuku .

After standing there for maybe minutes or maybe seconds, his recollection of the night’s events got blurry. Kakashi barely remembered running out of the house in still in his pajamas and barefoot, or stepping on glass as he rushed away, away, away. He barely remembered barging into the hokage tower, leaving bloody footprints in his wake and sobbing uncontrollably. He barely remembered explaining much of anything, other than repeating ‘sepukku’, ‘sepukku’, 'sepukku’ like a mantra. The look in the hokage’s eyes said he understood. Someone had sedated him after that.

  It had been a month since then. He couldn’t go to sleep at night anymore without seeing Sakumo’s cold body sprawled upon the blood-stained wood whenever he closed his eyes, without smelling that smell . He couldn’t dream anymore, couldn’t get a full night’s sleep. He couldn’t train with Sakumo anymore or count the days until he’d be back from his latest mission. He couldn’t do any of those things – because Sakumo had abandoned him.

 The villager’s behavior toward him didn’t improve. In fact, it was as if Sakumo’s death had been kindling thrown into a fire. Where previously people had only whispered about the White Fang’s shameful, pathetic, selfish behavior, now they all talked about it openly. Every gossiping old lady told their neighbor that they’d always known there was something cowardly and dishonourable about that Hatake dog. Drinking himself into a stupor to then commit suicide, and to top it off with his kid at home! It was rumored that the poor boy had found the man in a pool of blood and sake. What a pathetic waste of space he had been! 

Kakashi’s mask, until then vehemently hated, had suddenly become a reprieve – he was harder to recognize with it. His training, which had previously been the way in which he connected with Sakumo, the way in which he strove to impress him when he returned from missions, now became the only thing he had left. He trained constantly, both resenting and missing Sakumo in equal measure, his exertions the only outlet. During those moments, when his body and spirit trembled and his eyes misted, he swore to himself that he would never make the same mistake.

 Sakumo had died (had killed himself) for breaking the rules. Everybody said so. Kakashi had always known that the rules were important, but a few times he’d felt tempted to question them – like when that frog girl had crossdressed as a boy. He had seen her sometimes afterward, when he’d glanced out of his classroom window, sitting all alone and friendless in the yard outside while her classmates played – and he had known immediately that this was his fault, that his rule-abiding had done that. Before he’d confronted her, she’d had friends, he’d seen it. He hadn’t liked that… somehow it had annoyed him, he didn’t know why. He’d told her sensei about it, just kind of expecting she’d get into trouble for a bit and maybe find him to throw another tadpole at him afterward… but that hadn’t been what had happened. She hadn’t found him to throw tadpoles at him whatsoever, and instead had started looking sullen and withdrawn and sad whenever he saw her from the window. He hadn’t wanted that. He’d just wanted to follow the rules.

A part of him had begun to doubt his decision then. A part of him had felt guilty.

He had thought about breaking the rules other times too, like when a hard test was coming up and he’d been tempted to sneak into the teacher’s room to check the answers – this was practically in a ninja’s job description after all – though he’d settled for studying all night in the end. 

He had felt bad, too, about more indirect breaches like getting all riled up when that frog girl called him names. Ninja weren’t supposed to fall for taunts, it was in the shinobi handbook that they show no emotion because talling for taunts lead to mistakes. But he kind of enjoyed the breach in the monotony that the frog girl and her loud bowlcut friend provided. He liked that they weren’t all admiring and brown-nosing around him like all his classmates, and, though he’d never admit it to himself, he liked the stories they came up with too, and when he was bored in class he would sometimes picture the annoyed faces frog girl would make at him when he outsmarted her and snicker. But ninja should live in the present, without distractions or indulgences in childish make-belief games, he realized that now. That girl was a rule-breaker more than anyone else he knew, and if Kakashi had learned something from his father’s death it was this: he would never, ever break a rule again. Any rule.

 He stopped going to frog girl and bowlcut’s meadow. At first a part of him missed them. He was all alone, after all – but – he still didn’t go, didn’t want to see their looks of pity – or even worse – disgust. He kept wanting to drop by but then not doing it. He had other things to keep him busy, like being a genin. He was a ninja now.

He wouldn’t make his father’s mistakes in his career, he swore to himself. He’d follow the ninja handbook to a T and then nothing like what Sakumo had gone through would happen to him. He had graduated now and frog girl and bowlcut were just kids . He had better things to do than them now, like training and having endless nightmares.

 At night, he couldn’t keep lying to himself. He cried himself to sleep often.

During the day, he kept his mask on and his feelings off, and surely things would get better if he did that. He had been accustomed to living alone from when his father left on missions, but this was different. He was in charge of his dad’s money now and other things like cooking and cleaning and bills and… he felt anxiety just thinking about it. He knew he’d have to pay some kind of bills for electricity and hot water and heat and all that later on, but he didn’t know how or where or when to do it. Money wasn’t an issue, his father had never lacked it, but he still got nervous thinking about what if he suddenly ran out or someone scammed him?

 He had spent the first week after That Night with another family – the Sarutobi household – the first week after his dad had died. Then he’d graduated the Academy and the hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen, had told him that he was welcome to stay with them, though he could become independent now too if he wanted, seeing as he was now a genin – legally an adult. Kakashi had jumped at the chance of being alone. Asuma’s constant invasive presence and probing questions had been stifling, his mom’s mothering unwanted, the pitying looks they all kept shooting at him less than welcome.

“I will return home,” he’d told the hokage immediately. The more Hiruzen had insisted to the contrary, the stronger Kakashi’s determination to be left alone.

  Now, he was regretting that decision… he hated living alone, hated the empty spaces and the silent Estate. At this point he'd agree to live with anyone, but his pride kept him from going back to the Sarutobi household. He missed his dad… he missed frog girl and bowlcut but didn’t know how to reach out. He felt so, so alone. He wanted to be independent and strong and rule-abiding, but he wanted a hug too and a good night’s sleep and some excuse to leave this stifling estate where his dad had killed himself, but he couldn’t let himself look weak, he couldn’t , didn’t even know how – and he didn’t know what to do.

 He had started going to the central market in Konoha, even though it was very far from the Hatake Estate, which was located at the village’s outskirts. He told himself it was just because the central market was better than the small shop he’d used to frequent, even though he’d never bothered to go there Before.

At the market, he would dawdle and soak in the people and chatter, floating through the lively atmosphere. It made the loneliness starker but also duller. Before, he had loved to have his peace and quiet, but now silences haunted him. Now the noises of people had become a balm. He often just walked around the stalls, peering at the wares and at the people and listened . He didn’t do anything else. A part of him had hoped to maybe run into someone he liked there… but of course he never did. He should have known that none of his classmates or frog girl or bowlcut would be there, of course. If he had really wanted to find them, he knew he could, but somehow he didn’t.

 He was shaken out of his musings when the blond man appeared again. Kakashi and the blond man had coincided a few times in the market already. The blonde would often sit on a bench and do nothing in particular, though he’d sometimes bring books to snicker at, or chat up girls and vendors alike when they passed him by. The blonde man had a radiant smile and people seemed to love him, Kakashi had noticed. A part of him wanted to be mad at him for that, for having something he so sorely wanted but didn’t have, not any longer, not after that mission – but he mostly found himself being unable to muster up much resentment.

Sometimes, Kakashi wondered why the blond man would spend so much time at the market, just like him. Was he lonely too? Did his family leave him behind like Kakashi’s father? Despite himself, he’d gotten curious. He had made a habit of going to the market every day and he’d started getting to know the regulars. During his excursions, Kakashi always wore bland clothes and the mask so that he wouldn’t be noticed as much, but he in turn did notice the people, and the blonde man was often there – except sometimes when he left on missions, or so Kakashi assumed. The blonde man was a ninja.

He’d never dared to approach, but today he felt tired… so he sat down on the bench across the blonde to eat an apple he’d bought. He tried to divine what the man was reading, to subtly glance at his book’s cover… but he got caught looking. The blonde gave him a smile, then returned to his book. Kakashi didn’t dare to look again but his heart pounded. A while later, the blonde was cornered by some civilian ladies who wanted his opinion on some of their wares and ushered him away. Finally, Kakashi dared to steal another glance, then stood up and stretched, readying to go back to the estate.

 That smile… it had struck him like a punch to the gut. How long since anyone had just… smiled at him? He couldn’t remember the last time. Lately, he was always alone, and when he wasn’t, all he saw in people’s eyes was either disinterest or distaste, depending on whether they recognized him or not. Sometimes there was pity in the case of his father’s former friends like the hokage. 

Missions weren’t any better. In fact, he found that he hated the whole thing. Without fail, he always got passed around the genin teams, mostly replacing recently deceased members, and was never liked by the other integrants. He wasn’t sure if it was because they knew his reputation, because he was so much younger (and better, he privately thought) than them, or because he was the replacement of their dead friends. Yes, Kakashi thought. Nobody had smiled at him in a long, long time… He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed it until that very moment.

 The next day, he sat on the bench across the blonde again… and the day after too. He always noticed when the man was gone on missions and he… it wasn’t like he was stalking him or anything, but the man – Minato, the old ladies called him – would always smile that warm smile at him, and Kakashi… Kakashi cherished it. He mustn't know who he was, that Minato. A part of him feared what would happen if he found out… would he start glaring at Kakashi if he did?

 One day, Minato sat down next to him. Kakashi froze and almost bolted… but the blonde just pulled a book out of his pouch and calmly began to thumb through it, like always. He talked to the merchants like always too, and Kakashi slowly relaxed. The week afterward, when Minato returned from what must have been a mission, he sat next to Kakashi again, surprising him once more, but he relaxed quicker than last time.

 “Mind if I take one?” Minato asked, peering at him from over his book. “Those oranges look mouth-watering.”

Kakashi startled and looked at Minato suspiciously. “You’re an adult. You shouldn’t be asking kids to give you their oranges.”

The blonde’s lips quirked into that smile again and Kakashi almost forgot he was supposed to be acting pissed-suspicious. “Yeah, but aren’t you one too?” Minato asked with a chuckle. “A legal adult? I’ve heard about you, you’ve made genin, haven’t you?”

Kakashi was startled for two reasons: one – adults never acknowledged he was independent and two – Minato knew who he was! And he still smiled at him?

“I guess you can have an orange,” Kakashi decided, handing it over.

Minato laughed. “Thanks, kiddo. Also, I was going to say that I would pay you back before you interrupted me.” He chuckled. “You’re always here, so I figured I’d treat you next time we meet.”

Next time.

Kakashi’s breath hitched. “S-sure. I mean whatever, it’s just an orange.”

The blonde chuckled. “So you don’t want to get treated, huh? Well, I guess it’s no sweat off my back…”

“That’s not what I said!” Kakashi exclaimed, wide-eyed. He took it back! He wanted to meet with Minato again!

The blonde teen laughed, suddenly reaching out to give him a mighty head ruffle. “Alright, alright. I’ll treat you to some dango then, I think.”

“I don’t like sweets,” Kakashi informed, crossing his arms, but secretly wishing for another head-ruffle.

“You say that now … but have you tried the fried eggplant with honey?” the blonde prodded happily. “Maki-baa makes ones to die for!”

“Eggplant,” Kakashi repeated dubiously, “with honey ? What kind of crazy person would make a sweet out of eggplant ?”

Minato smirked at him. “Just you wait. You’re going to be blown away, Kakashi!”

“H-hey! How do you know my name,” Kakashi muttered. “Stalker.”

The blonde chuckled. “Kid, I’m a master infiltrator. Knowing these things is pretty much my job.”

“Yeah, well you look like a girl,” Kakashi spluttered, embarrassed for some reason. “And way too young.”

“I’ll have you know, I’m nineteen and my looks are great for making people underestimate me, so… peace!”

“You’re weird,” Kakashi declared.

“Ah, wait till you try the eggplant. You’ll join the dark side soon.”

“ Right .”

  Somehow, Minato never suddenly decided that Kakashi was a persona non grata. He never avoided him, never stopped being kind. Kakashi found himself missing the blonde intensely when he was gone on missions, though he never admitted to it.

Life continued and things got easier… or maybe he just got used to his situation. He got used to his nightmares, used to the silence, used to the glares. Like all shinobi worth their salt, Kakashi adapted. He stopped getting crawls just from looking at the Hatake estate, though he still avoided the west wing like the plague. He completed D-ranks with ease and watched as other genin got sent out to the field and didn’t come back. He got used to being a replacement for the dead genin too… there were many. Still, a part of him wished he could have his own team, his own sensei. He wanted it so badly… why couldn’t he have what everyone else did? He surmised none of the jonin wanted to get stuck with the little kid, with the White Fang’s spawn. He understood. He still wished though.

Autumn came and went and the days got colder. Less people visited the market now, but Kakashi still went religiously. Despite his pride, he had finally worked up the courage to ask Minato how to deal with taxes and bills… even though he’d hated doing it, because he was afraid Minato would think he was a little kid after all if he asked. But the blonde hadn’t done that. He’d gone into long-winded, excited explanations on book-keeping, tax-paying, old fogies who might try to mess up his taxes so he needed to check everything over carefully, remember that, Kakashi!, and most importantly, what Minato had happily dubbed ‘money-saving ninja skills’. Kakashi had never enjoyed learning about anything more, but maybe that was because it was Minato who was teaching him.

One day, Minato showed him how to fish in order to save money. Another day he invited Kakashi to a training ground and taught him how to season said fish. Then, the week after they went to the woods and they cooked a rabbit. Minato would often give him tips on how to save money whilst doing all of this, though Kakashi privately thought that the blonde wouldn’t really need to follow his own advice since merchants were constantly gifting him their wares or inviting him over. At the beginning, Kakashi had wondered why everyone liked Minato so much, but now he understood. Minato was special… he was… sometimes, Kakashi couldn’t believe that someone like that would bother to give him the time of day. It was... the best thing that had happend to him in a long, long time. Maybe ever.

  Over the years, someone had taken up the nasty habit of drawing odd preschooler figures on his window when it was fogged up from the cold, or with crayons and chalk during the summer. Kakashi had been trying to catch the perpetrator ever since they'd begun, thinking that it might have been frog girl or bowl cut, but never managed. When he grumbled about it halfheartedly to Minato one day, the blonde  burst out laughing.

“Ah, the henohenomoheji? That was me!”

“What?” repeated Kakashi dubiously. “You’re the person who draws them? But they look like they were made by a preschooler!”

“Ah, I guess it’s a habit, from when my siblings were still… anyway, yeah! I’m not an artist, that’s for sure,” Minato told him sheepishly. “But I wasn’t trying to bother you, I promise. The henohenomoheji were just my way of telling you that I’d returned to the village after a mission, Kakashi. I always stop by your place to sketch a quick one on my way to the tower.”

“Oh.” The tower was on the other side of the village. Kakashi gulped. He felt happy Minato went out of his way like that, he really did, but… a part of him had hoped…

“Kakashi? What’s with that look?” Minato asked softly. “I… didn’t know it would upset you. I’ll stop, I promise.”

“No, don’t,” Kakashi mumbled.

He should have known it hadn’t been those two. Of course they must have thought the same as everyone else, that he was a disgrace and not worth hanging out with. Why had he even expected otherwise? Frog girl and bowlcut had probably forgotten all about him by now. He felt some part of him freeze at that. If they’d forgotten him so easily, he had no reason to expend energy thinking about them either. Firmly, Kakashi pushed the two out of his mind. He would not think about them again.

“Kakashi? Is everything… alright?” Minato’s deep blue eyes were filled with concern and Kakashi felt the coldness that had spread in his gut thaw.

“Yeah, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

Minato nodded slowly. “Well… I have some news that will cheer you up! I applied to be a jonin sensei. How’s that for cool?”

Kakashi frowned. “A… a jonin sensei?” Hope lit up within him. “Does that mean… you’ll…?”

“Yep! You’re my student now, Kakashi! Hope you’re not too put off by this pretty face.”

Kakashi’s lips split into a large grin, his cheeks hurting from the rare action. The mask would cover it, but Minato had never had any issue with reading his expressions before. Smiling brightly, the blond teen lurched forward to give him one of those wild head-ruffle noogies Kakashi adored so much.

“I guess it could be worse,” he muttered, failing rather spectacularly at hiding his excitement.

“Don’t be coy with me, Kakashi! I’m your sensei now and what kind of pupil lies to their sensei!”

“Sh-shut up, Minato… sensei.”

“Awww! And he’s blushing! I need to take a picture!”

“DON’T YOU DARE!”

Note: this is an extract of my story misnomer, hence the frog girl oc, but I figured this chapter pretty much doubled as a Kakashi character stude so here you go! Hope you enjoyed!

(Also, in case it wasn’t obvious from the japanese characters, the image above is not mine.)

[poteeto-chip]

I posted 609 times in 2021

38 posts created (6%)

571 posts reblogged (94%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 15.0 posts.

I added 132 tags in 2021

#sakura haruno - 26 posts

#haruno sakura - 20 posts

#haha - 16 posts

#kakashi hatake - 14 posts

#lol - 13 posts

#hatake kakashi - 12 posts

#itachi uchiha - 9 posts

#naruto fanfiction - 8 posts

#sasuke uchiha - 7 posts

#naruto fanfic - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 80 characters

#and kakashi starts sweating and is like ‘o-oh yeah. i have a uhh report. see ya’

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

New Story!

I started writing this fic a long time ago, but never tried posting it. I abandoned it for a while but I am BACK and we are revamping this story and posting it! You can find it here

I already have the first section out, the second one will be out on Saturday.

Preview:

Sakura then hobbled over to her bedroll and flopped down onto her stomach. She stretched out all her limbs as Kakashi dragged his bedroll closer to hers.

Sakura looked up. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Moving my bedroll closer."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "No, duh. What I meant was why are you moving it closer."

Kakashi sat down right next to where she lay. "I thought that since it was cold out here, we should lay closer together to share body heat."

Also! The second chapter of Alstroemerias will be out tomorrow night!

13 notes • Posted 2021-06-30 05:57:49 GMT

#4

Alstroemerias Chapter 3!

Find it here!

Yes! I posted the third chapter. I got a little bit more explaining done in it, but it's only half as long as the others. Which is sad. But still!

Preview

"Does it hurt anywhere? I mean, I thought I did a good job healing your leg and your arm shouldn't hurt unless I did it wrong b-"

"I'm fine, Sakura." Itachi whispered, successfully cutting off her worried ranting. Sakura's face morphed into one of relief.

"That's good to hear. I assigned myself to be your personal medic." She paused. "Is it true that you have attempted to escape the hospital before?"

Itachi blanched. "So I was right!" Sakura laughed. "Well, if you try escaping this time, I will personally make sure that you will never try to leave again." She reached her hand up to caress his cheek, as if she had not just threatened him. "The receptionist cornered me earlier."

Thank you all so much for the support I have been getting on my stories. I appreciate it SO much. It means a lot.

13 notes • Posted 2021-07-08 03:51:30 GMT

#3

Oh wonderful mother of mine as she walks into my room: Are you okay? Why are you crying?

Me, visibly trying to stop the tears: The main character died (after the first main character was proclaimed dead) but he actually didn't so him and his lover can finally be together without any ties to other places or people.

I swear, my mom would probably think I'm insane. Anyways! I just needed to let everybody know of this amazing Naruto fanfiction I just read. For the second time. I swear, I'll probably end up reading it a third time.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2430922/1/Loophole is part one.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2925965/1/Genshi is part two.

READ.

15 notes • Posted 2021-07-30 05:14:06 GMT

#2

Hidden in the Mist Chap. 4

Heart-Stopping

I know, it's been forever. And I apologize.. I hope y'all enjoy this sadly too-short chapter.

Preview:

"Are you sure you're ready for that, girl?"

Sakura wanted to shout, 'No, not really.' but what came out was:

"Bring it on."

Zabuza laughed then, a deep, gravelly, kind of laugh, and reached for the sword on his back.

I'm going to die today, in this very spot.

Sakura's thoughts must have showed in her facial expressions, for her opponent was laughing harder.

IMPORTANT!

I have limited access to Tumblr, FF.Net, and AO3. My posting will be even more sporadic. I apologize for this, but there is nothing i can really do. I will do my best to update as regularly as I can.

15 notes • Posted 2021-11-02 15:06:43 GMT

#1

Alstroemerias

I have made a vow that I will not ramble on this post, so I am getting straight to the point. I have posted my first fanfic! You can find it on fanfiction.net and my username is RusBallerina. https://www.fanfiction.net/u/14820937/

Preview:

"I have wanted to meet you in person for a while now. Allow me to introduce myself, I am Uchiha Itachi."

Where had Sakura heard that first sentence before? Sakura pondered the man's name for a moment. "You're Sasuke-kun's brother, right?" The man nodded politely. "How may I help you Uchiha-san?"

"I came to take you to lunch." Itachi said. His face remained calm and expressionless, meanwhile Sakura was sputtering in confusion.

"Take me to lunch?" she asked incredulously. "For what reason?"

"I would like to get to know you." That phrase again. Where had she heard it before?

It's a really short first chapter, but I have the second one almost finished and it will be posted Wednesday!

15 notes • Posted 2021-06-28 14:41:12 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[plinkcat-gif]

hi hello sitting in your inbox

i would like to know ur funny au

hi ok since u asked so nicely <3

disclaimer that i did not watch naruto and all my lore knowledge comes from narutopedia fjdkskfjskahd. also pretending that if anything prefaced boruto that involved plot happened, no it didn’t 🧡

also be nice to me i’m shit at writing plot and this is only a rough planning FJDJSKSJDJ and esp be nice to the ending it. it is rough. and bad. i will maybe improve upon it when i am more awake aksjdkakakdj

also i haven’t figured out much more than what’s mentioned about the antagonist because as mentioned, am tired

ok do you think i’ve cleared all my bases nobody can possibly judge me anymore because i already judged myself—/j /lh

blood prison

post war, kakashi is hokage and obito lives

new antagonist: hyuuga who took over root when danzō died

obito is put on trial, just like sasuke. he has to stay in konoha (kakashi takes full responsibility for him) and stay on house arrest for probably the rest of his life. he doesn’t mind this fate, and kakashi looks forward to perhaps rekindling their bond. obito stays in the ruins of the hatake clan home, and it becomes his project to rebuild them so that he’s not just a prisoner out of a cell (kakashi has to tell tenzo not to intervene unless absolutely necessary lol). obito’s chakra is also pretty much entirely sealed except for lifting heavy weights, which he needs to get permission from anbu to do. (had a thought that cat/tenzo watches over him most of the time, but somehow they’d need to resolve the tension between them after obito used tenzo against his will. obito hates asking him to do things (this is too heavy for me to move without mokuton, can you?) because he feels so much guilt for what he did and hates that tenzo might be “indebted” to him somehow. perhaps also a conversation along the lines of “do you need help with that?” obito’s frustrated and defensive, “no.” “how come?” /because of what i did to you/ goes unsaid, underneath obito’s attempts to get tenzo away. he says “you know, i can choose to help you right now.” awkward silence. “you’re not taking my autonomy away again. i wouldn’t let you, anyway.”)

until obito is kidnapped by root agents. the heavenly prison seal is placed on him, “under orders from the hokage.” obito’s furious at first, thinking kakashi betrayed him/didn’t try hard enough to stop it. he has no idea what the seal does, but the second he tries to mold a little chakra to jerk himself free of the guards’ hold, he’s on the floor being dragged to his cell.

kakashi spends a hot minute freaking out because dude, his bestie’s gone!! he’s asking everybody if they know where he went, coming up blank, wondering if he somehow escaped. he lashes out at tenzo once, before he just sits down tiredly. he’s sorry.

he sits a couple nights later in his office, ready to accept that obito may have gotten away and maybe he’s living a better life, until a note drops down on his desk: he’s not dead.

he sends the note to be analyzed. he attempts to track down any left behind chakra signatures, scents, or anything. of course, there’s nothing.

whoever took obito is good.

he goes to the hatake home to perhaps find some evidence with yamato. they search for evidence and yams makes some offhand comments about the architecture, how he could fix it so much faster if kakashi would just let him, and then they make it outside where kakashi just sits. he’s not giving up, but he’s exhausted.

yamato sits next to him on the porch, and kicks at a tree root that’s upset some nearby boards, creating a curve in the porch. he wonders how obito’s going to get rid of it, since when it cracks open under his feet, it’s revealed to be rotten. no good for mokuton.

they stop. they turn, and they stare at each other. “well that’s an omen if ive ever seen one.” kakashi sends yamato to get reinforcements, and then yeets over to the root base.

it’s completely empty. he descends the stairs, and can’t shake the feeling of roaches and infestation.

antag’s voice rings out: how can you let him live?

kakashi doesn’t answer.

why, i think there’s a fine line between befriending someone lonely and befriending someone who’s killed all the ones they were near, hokage. it’s important that we make that distinction, no?

the sound of feet landing on a metal grate platform. sasuke’s (?) voice, a curse. the door opens from above and yamato’s there.

there’s no way that Antag made a lucky dodge like that. they’re a hyuuga. sasuke saw their eyes, a brief glimpse as they turned around. but there’s no way the sharingan/rinnegan was wrong.

great. they have the proof they need, but this causes some tension, because which hyuuga?

kakashi has to ask hiashi if he knows of any stray byakugan users. hiashi is offended, because he knows his clan well, and refuses to answer any questions. besides, why should he care when it’s obito, who killed neji? (depending on public opinion, this is either because he’s genuinely learned from his mistakes or because he’s using neji’s death as a defense.)

kakashi leaves. he is stressed. yams tries talking to him but he’s not sure how to go about this when he doesn’t even know where to start.

obito is in a cell in root hq. roaches and infestation was just root agents blending into the walls <3 he’s slowly losing chakra and can’t use any, and occasionally Antag will come and almost-ignite it because he thinks obito deserves it.

obito talks back. antag tells him what he did wrong. about how he killed neji. obito says he doesn’t even know who that is. antag nearly lights him up. explains everything. “neji was going to defy his destiny and do you know what he did? died for the main branch anyway” as the bars of the cell rattle won’t be force of his blow.

obito finds it all too amusing because do you know where your worth came from when you were an uchiha in the war? your sharingan. and then he was raised in a cave by an old man that valued him only for his sharingan. “neji and i are a lot alike,” he says, which infuriated Antag to no end. obito almost dies that night, it feels.

chapter break probably

eventually obito’s had enough. despite this all, he’s been molding small bits of chakra, just enough to be cracking the wall behind where he sits. he spends most of his time gathering the energy to do this and arguing with anybody who comes by. he’s fighting this imprisonment because if he dies, it’ll be by kakashi’s hand.

it’s a huge risk he takes, because this could be easily seen with the byakugan. but Antag is arrogant enough to put too much faith in his own plan. the hole is big enough to fit his shoulders through, and that’s all he needs. he summons a shadow clone with the ounces of chakra he has left, hacks up blood, and tells it to go and find kakashi. it army crawls through the hole, breaks the rest of the way out, then buries as much as he can behind him. it’s hard work because he’s so low on chakra, but he makes it.

he finds kakashi in his office, makes his way upstairs and inside, says “root base,” and promptly puffs away.

meanwhile the hyuuga finally decides to check how much chakra he has left (in a show of power or whatever), and finally sees the escape plan. he’s furious, but at the same time triumphant because the hole’s unfinished. did obito really think he could make it out before he died?

obito plays up a dramatic scene of crumbling, “all hope is lost,” even begs Antag because he knows it’ll feed his ego.

chapter break?

whatever root agent was in his office to kill obito’s shadow clone is irrelevant because kakashi is already off. he makes it to root base in minutes, and is practically tearing through the place, avoiding root soldiers who were unaware they’d be getting a visit from the hokage.

as kakashi’s primary goal is distance and not defeat, he manages to make it past a good group of soldiers while they try and restrain him. he makes it downstairs, brings the entire wall down so nobody can follow, and continues his way to the prisons. (he has a map of root memorized from sai and tenzo)

he finds obito but unfortunately, also the Antag. Antag threatens to kill obito, who’s currently laying near-lifeless on the ground, and kakashi’s like shit what do i do.

he tries to calmly explain to the Antag a way out, but Antag yells over him about neji and the hyuuga clan and destiny, and The Seal.

and kakashi’s livid. both antag’s hands are cut off before he can breathe. “seal? the same seal that allowed the main branch to kill the servants from the side branch with a flick of their wrist? at the will of only themselves?”

Antag realizes what they’ve done in a few moment’s time. they’re apologizing profusely, and they don’t want to die, their hair falls away to reveal a crossed-out seal, crossed out by thick scars.

they’re only a kid, really. just, a really capable one. kakashi and obito know what capable kids can do.

kakashi imprisons the kid, chakra fully sealed away except for what’s needed to live. the kid has mandatory therapy sessions and many visits from naruto. years later, the kid is released. they apologize. all is well.

maybe some epilogue conversation between kakashi and obito about how obito should absolutely be imprisoned as well. he should not be let off this easy, living in secret. kakashi agrees, and admits he’s probably morally fucked for letting him and sasuke go free after only two years of prison time. but he’s not going to change his decision because he knows that he and sasuke are changed people, and, with maybe a bit of threat, he can stop them now that he doesn’t have the sharingan anymore <3