#except for maybe improved sales a bit

[zalia]

Experiencing Destiny 1 as a D2 player

I picked up Destiny 1 in a sale recently despite being told a lot about its problems, and honestly I'm really enjoying playing it! I feel a bit like a time traveller visiting important places and events from the past.

I also have friends who played Destiny nearly from the beginning and it's fun to go back and go 'ooooh that's what they were talking about!'. I am also very aware that if I had started playing it without already being invested, I would be having considerably less fun. (Also, being fair, much of the fun is doubtless novelty after playing *mumbletymumble* hours of D2 over the past couple of years).

But it's genuinely been really interesting from a design and narrative perspective going back to it and seeing where the story began and how things have changed and I wanted to ramble about it. Full disclosure, I have played up through the first couple of missions of The Taken King. There are also things I can't comment on such as Crucible (because getting enough players for a match has not happened yet), events (no longer happening) etc. Also haven't managed to run a raid yet but hopefully will eventually!

I will start with the bad, to get it over with. A lot of stuff here will be well known and honestly it's probably less interesting than the good/thinky stuff.

The Bad

Oh boy I have maligned D2's New Light introduction so badly since it is miles ahead of D1 just by merit of actually having one! D1 gives you the opening run through the Cosmodrome where they tell you what buttons to use and then refuses to explain anything ever again. (This very definitely ties into it being a game I enjoy now but would probably not have enjoyed if I wasn't already invested)

You don't realise how many QoL improvements D2 has until you have to go to orbit and select a new destination every single time. Also no fast travel points. And no you cannot just look at a map of the place you're traversing. Fashion is difficult too.

Up until Taken King, I am not sure why they bothered hiring voice actors for anyone except Ghost, Elsie Bray, and maybe the Speaker. And I have no idea why they hired Bill Nighy for that part (I mean I do, it's because they wanted to use Big Names for marketing but still...). The Vanguard could easily be replaced with cardboard cutouts because they are basically uninvolved in anything until Taken King begins. I know they aren't involved in every seasonal plot now, but they do appear and develop.

The story and writing is... well, it makes an attempt to exist. It does not succeed until The Taken King. I went in knowing what happens in the story and I'm still not actually sure what happens in the story because it is basically someone's pre-first draft bullet points of a narrative. The only reason I knew I was starting different storylines is because the mission popup tells you which storyline it is. 'I don't have time to explain why I don't have time to explain' is a meme for a reason, but another bit which I think illustrates the point well is from House of Wolves. Petra tells you that Skolas has entered the Vault of Glass and this is bad so you need to stop him. It is never explained before then what the Vault of Glass is, what it does, why it would be bad for Skolas to be in there, or... anything. While D2 can be obtuse, and sometimes leaves important info in easily overlooked lore tabs (or in vaulted content), it at least tries to tell you what the story is. I feel like D1 actively resents that players do not read the bullet points and fill in everything the writers had in their heads. Another example is the Devil's Lair strike. it's the first one you take on in D1, and after doing it in D2, I was expecting backstory and build up. Nope, you just get sent in with nothing to really explain what is going on, who the House of Devils are, what a Servitor is... I know it had troubled development and the story got torn apart and remade very close to launch, and it really shows in the early stuff. It's a series of missions that were made and then had to be strung together with the thinnest of threads. It gets better in Taken King, but at times is still not great. You first encounter the Taken on Phobos, I think Ghost asks about what they are. I was expecting more discussion about them and what they are and how horrifying it is. But nope, they just exist now and we're all fine with that.

So. Much. Grinding. The pinnacle grind was annoying in D2, the grind to just get your light up in D1 is so much worse. You will be doing bounties desperately to try to get your rep up with the various groups just so you can actually get fragments of story and quests. You will be grinding just to level up your subclass and it takes ages.

The places you visit are very expansive - even the Cosmodrome is significantly larger - which is great when they're used well, but a lot of the time they feel very empty, there to make you play for longer to get between areas than because there is anything to do.

The Good

The game is gorgeous! I'm loving getting to see Venus and Mars and the Dreadnaught. They're beautiful environments. Everything feels very expansive which can be very cool (as above, it can also be less good). When used well, it feels like there are so many mysteries and secrets hidden in this abandoned world. There are hidden bunkers and spaces, huge Vex structures and ruined cities, tunnels burrowed beneath the Cosmodrome and the Taken King's dreadnaught. It's genuinely fun to explore (up to a point).

It does an excellent job of making you genuinely feel like it's post-apocalyptic and the existence of humanity is precarious. And you, the Guardian, are brand new and everything is trying to kill you. You don't have multiple gods stored in your vault in the form of guns! Everything feels more dangerous. For example, I think if D2 is your intro, you look back at the Great Disaster and the first Crota fireteam and go 'but how did that happen when I go onto the moon and take out ogres with a single punch? The biggest threat in the Abyss in Crota's End is falling into a pit or getting hit by a pendulum! Yeah no I get it now. In D1 you are much less powerful and it makes swarming thralls and normal enemies much more of a threat. Things feel dangerous in a way that D2 rarely manages. I'll talk about this a bit more in depth later.

By making your supers and abilities less powerful, they have weirdly made them more useful. In D2 I usually save mine for bosses since it feels like a waste to use them on normal enemies. In D1, it makes absolute sense to use your abilities basically as soon as you have them. You should absolutely use your Golden Gun on a normal Hive Knight or Fallen Vandal!

There's some great atmospheric touches. I love hearing the snippets of distorted music when I'm near a Rasputin bunker. Going into some of the ruined buildings on Mars or Venus where it's dark and suddenly seeing so many red Vex eyes staring back at you is chilling.

The opening mission of Taken King is fantastic. Genuinely creepy and the Taken in general in D1 feel much scarier and threatening than in D2.

All the different enemy factions are different colours and designs! I love that!

Weapons still go brrrrr in a very pleasing way. And getting new gear feels genuinely satisfying in a way that it rarely does in D2. I junk 99% of the armour and guns I get in D2, in D1 I end up being much more considering of whether something is useful. Legendary weapons and armour feel precious!

I keep picking up random Warmind weapons to turn into Banshee that I know lead to an exotic quest and I am enjoying the feeling of that being another Secret Thing I am discovering.

Honestly, I really like Banshee's weapon bounties - you get given a prototype weapon to test out and gather data by doing certain things (killing X number of a certain enemy etc.) and that gains you rep. And you can then order a legendary version of the weapon from him to be delivered the next Wednesday.

Thoughts/Observations

Knowing that the 'original' story was seemingly going to focus more on Rasputin, and an exo version of him getting stolen by the Hive makes the appearance of some of the Hive areas on the Moon make more sense. There's some bits that are high tech in a way that feels very at-odds with what we see of the Dreadnaught and, other Hive locations which lean much more towards the organic and magical.

Similarly, Rise of Iron feels a lot more hard sci-fi than much of what Destiny has become, and has such a huge Rasputin focus. I believe it was partially developed by an outside studio, so I do wonder if it was based, at least in part, on the 'original' story of Destiny, and was either too far into development, or the other studio just never got the memo about the change in tone.

Vaguely related to the above, but way more speculative, I wonder if Banshee was originally meant to be a Rasputin exo, then that story got shifted to Felwinter, but the seeds were used for the story of Banshee having been Clovis Bray.

Honestly while it's fun to think about, in general I find the obsession parts of the Destiny community have with 'the original story' (of the 'maybe they're finally going back to the original story!' type where the unspoken idea is that this was the perfect undiluted pure story that was 100% planned and set in stone) to be fundamentally misunderstanding how creating stories work. I can guarantee that even if that first story had been used, after 10 years of multiple writers etc. it would still be in a very different place than where the people who came up with it initially thought it would go. It would have evolved and changed and shifted, even if it was following the same vague plan. That's just what stories do.

Oh wow, suddenly all the Nightmare Hunts in Shadowkeep make way more sense! I get it now!

Actually I get a lot of references now XD

Oh wow Shaxx sounds so depressed. I guess this was before he started therapy.

So many identical caves...

Thoughts on Power Creep

D1 leans much more into the post-apocalyptic setting and it does an excellent job of making the existence of the Last City, humanity, and Guardians feel precarious. Everything seems more dangerous, more of a threat. You really are part of the last bastion of humanity. And there's a few ways this is done.

First, you are much less powerful. Yes, you have supers and grenades, but they do much less damage (and are much less flashy) than in D1. There has been a huge amount of power creep! You won't be one-shotting bosses, even normal Vanguard Strike bosses with golden gun easily.

Legendary weapons feel rare and special, and I am still using Blue weapons at times because sometimes I have to just to get the higher light level. I have reached level 40 and have only just got my first exotic armour pieces which I bought from Xur! They are FR0ST-EE5, an exotic I have never bothered with in D2, but in D1 the recharge for abilities when sprinting is genuinely handy. I don't have any exotic weapons at all yet!

It leads to a very different playstyle - I play much more carefully because I cannot just charge in with something like Osteo Striga and wipe out a room with a few shots. In D2 we have killed multiple gods, taken down an Empire, and forged alliances. In D1, we're just some random Guardian and the gameplay reflects this.

And I hate to say this, but I also kind of get the YouTube/Stream BNFs who complain about things not being hard enough. It's just... they're completely wrong about the reasons and the solutions.

They seem to think that what is needed is more enemies with higher health, and nerf Divinity because it makes it too easy, and everything should be designed to stop normal players being able to do it. And it... it doesn't work? Ghosts of the Deep was fun, but holy fuck the health bars on the enemies make it feel grindy and dragged out. Legend Avalon was a slog because there's Too Much - too many elements at the same time so it's just overwhelming instead of fun. (Starcrossed on legend is tough, but feels more enjoyable and managable. I'm looking forward to doing it again instead of dreading it).

More difficulty isn't what makes D1 feel harder, being weaker is what does this. I have no doubt that if I could put my D2 stuff against D1 enemies I would decimate them. But in D1 I am a lone Guardian with scavenged gear and yes, I have the Light and can be resurrected, and it gives me an edge vs normal humans, but not a crazy amount.

In D2 I have so many exotics and weapons that I can just throw them away. I can have intricately crafted builds to take on any enemies! I am basically one of the most powerful entities in the solar system.

And that's not something you can really scale back. They did it with Red War at the start of D2. Maybe they could do it as a result of Final Shape and do smaller stories focused on Earth and recovery and what you even do after your purpose for fighting for so long is gone (and I think there is value in those stories! I would love it personally). But uh... I don't think most people would actually be happy having everything nerfed on such a scale. Give up your 999,999 Celestial Nighthawk boss damage, for a Golden Gun that with a bit of luck might one-shot a yellowbar?

Give up a lot of creativity in terms of what you use and how you play, in exchange for a tougher game with way less choice for builds, but one that is potentially more atmospheric and in-keeping with the post-apocalypse and the dangers of the solar system?

I don't have an answer for that! And it's not even the most important thing. Gamer BNFs gonna always want to prove that they're better than everyone at pressing buttons, and forget that the majority of players are casuals. But it's been interesting playing a different type of difficulty, rather than the forced difficulty of insanely high HP and Too Many Things.

Power creep is a real issue in a lot of long-running media (just look at superhero movies, or many many monster of the week TV shows). You're in a position of feeling like you need to one-up yourself every time. Every new villain has to be the biggest and baddest, and so you have to become more and more powerful to combat that, which means the next villain has to be even bigger and badder.

With Destiny we've gone from a scrappy underdog, to a god-killer.

I'm reminded of Osiris talking about Saint in The Sundial lore.

'I watched him grow from neophyte to demi-god'.

King of fitting for us to have done the same as Saint's inspiration.

[fuck-customers]

Just a curious question for mods (Rodney) and followers: At your retail job (current or past) what does being a store lead entail? What responsibilities/privileges come with it + what are the upsides and downsides?

My boss recently pushed the idea of being a lead on me and essentially said "someone is leaving, so a lead position will be available, you should do it, you've been here long enough" I haven't officially been offered the position, but she essentially said she wants me to do it.

Which....yes, I have, but the reason I'm not a lead is because a lead has almost all of the responsibilities of a store manager, with the exception of hiring new employees and doing payroll, for about 1/3 of the pay.

Plus, even though a lead position is a management position, it's not full-time.

Essentially, if I agreed to be a lead, I would gain about $2 more an hour, yet still be part-time (so, no benefits) and my hours would POSSIBLY increase from 4-12 hours a week, to maybe 20+. (But not necessarily, because there is a current lead who has 8 hours for this entire week)

Regardless, if I am officially offered the position, I will probably take it anyway, because I need something more for my resume and I think that'll look good. And I'm hoping to move soon, so I won't have to do it for long.

The responsibilities of a lead at my store (to my knowledge) are:

-open/close the store (physically open the door with the key, set/disable the alarm, open/close registers + count the cash, do the sales report at the end of the night) + now we have to clean the bathrooms every night (with no proper ppe, but that is another tale)

-cover employee breaks (this is the easiest and least objectionable one)

-are in charge of getting coverage if an employee calls out/doesn't show up (ask on the clock employees to stay late, call off-clock employees to come in)

-are actually usually the one that has to cover shifts (now I can't just ignore my boss's texts, rip)

-deal with any Karens/unruly customers/get yelled at by customers, essentially any time anyone "needs to speak to your manager" you gotta go over there

-deal with/solve any employee disputes/problems that don't have to do with payroll

-do whatever daily tasks the SM assigns on a list for you to do, usually includes things like putting up/taking down sale signs, cleaning certain aisles, doing inventory tasks, exception counts, etc.. I've seen various daily tasks lists...they're usually 2+ pages long.

I'm sure there's other responsibilities I'm forgetting/am unaware of, but this is all I can think of right now. It seems like a lot for just $2 more an hour, not even full-time tbh.

BONUS QUESTIONS:

-At your current/former jobs, what responsibilities did leads have? More or less than what I listed?

-Any advice? I have a few things in mind that I plan to do, such as always standing by my coworkers and taking their side over the customer. (Unless the employee is 100% in the wrong, but even then, I plan on phrasing it like "I think my coworker here was a little bit confused on the policy, but they tried their best, this is the way it's supposed to be, but it was not my coworker's fault" basically I won't throw anyone under the bus) I also plan on not completely kissing customer ass. If you're a customer and you're being rude and disrespectful to my employee, you will not still get your discount or whatever you wanted. I am not bending over backwards for disrespectful Karens. And I plan on regularly consulting with my coworkers for any suggestions on how I could improve/make things easier for them. Any other suggestions?

I have never worked anywhere that had a "Team Lead" position. So I can't say with experience.

My daughter works at the bread bowl place and when they made her a team lead all they told her was that she needed to train new people and know policies and procedures 100% and they were suppose to give her a $2 raise. But her and a friend started at the same time, made team lead at the same time, but he got the $2 and she got $1.50 and had to fight for almost a year for the .50.

Since her getting the title she has not trained the new people (the new hires have) and she is treated like a normal part timer. She has also said most of the people working are team leads.

-Rodney

[kira-moonrabbit]

i wanna scream from the heavens "GO PLAY LOBCORP AND LIBRARY OF RUINA NOW NOW NOW" like everyone else when it goes on sale, but hear me out. What if you can only buy one. Or only want to buy one for some reason. Or maybe it's like a book and you want to know what's in the book before you buy the book. Let me help you, ok?

For ease of scrolling I'll just put the rest beneath a cut. Below is me going over everything notable about lobcorp and library of ruina that would influence the decision of what you want to buy, positive or negative. Mostly positive, though.

WHAT DO BOTH OF THEM HAVE?

Customizable side characters to get attached to. Employees and Librarians.

A story about the horrors of capitalism, I think.

A world that they expand upon to such a huuuuuuge degree. Lots of worldbuilding. Huge world.

Lots of beasts!

Both have soundtracks that will explode you!

They also have a lot of body horror and gore in them. Be safe, okay?

WHAT DOES LOBOTOMY CORPORATION HAVE?

Lobcorp is a management game. If you like to manage things, it might be for you! Basically, you work on monsters to make energy, and you need to work on them to unlock more information about them to make breaches less likely. It's a game of experimentation!

Failure is about halfway between forgiving and not. Resetting the day if something bad happens costs nothing (barring a few exceptions, but those are very, VERY rare). But you have to actually finish a day to progress. Take the knowledge of what went wrong to try and fix your mistakes! ...But sometimes that doesn't help, either... It's that kind of game.

You have to let your agents work on Abnormalities to improve their stats and let them use better equipment! It's easy to get attached to your little guys, if that's a plus.

Story's pretty good, y'know. I'll leave discussing the nitty-gritty of what Lobcorp's story is about to the professionals, though; I didn't pay enough attention to it cuz I was more focused on the gameplay.

Lobotomy Corporation is STRESSFUL. Your Employees are made of tissue paper, and combat is essentially just ordering them from room to room and hoping they escape from an attack in time. It's very, very hard. That could be your cup of tea, or it could also not be your cup of tea.

It's the less gore-heavy of the two games! Its art style is cutesier. Still, again, be careful.

The game is, admittedly, a bit lacking in polish. It was left with a few bugs unfixed, and some of the workable monsters are nightmares to manage!

...Buuuuut, if it helps, Lobcorp has a modding scene! Albeit a very, very small one. There are a variety of mods to make your experience easier, if that's what you'd like to do. There aren't very many "content mods," though. Like I said, it's a small modding scene. It's also not an "official" modding scene, meaning you need an external tool to load mods in (rather than an official Workshop.)

TL;DR - Very challenging but worth it in the end if you like management sims.

WHAT DOES LIBRARY OF RUINA HAVE?

Library of Ruina is a card game! And also a dice game! You give cards to your Librarians to use in card battles. Each card has its own dice with set roll ranges. (Not classical dice either; no D20s. Instead, a die on a card, or "combat page," will have, say, a roll range of 3-7.) You "clash" against other cards that the enemy is using, comparing rolls on those dice.

There are also various passives and Abnormality pages to use to turn the tide in battles, such as a Passive that makes your pages stronger the faster you are, or an Abnormality page that will make a specific type of die more powerful and inflict a debuff.

Generally, it's easier to play the game to get a proper wraparound for how Ruina works. It's simple to learn, but takes true strategic grit to master! ...Mostly!

It's more laid-back than Lobcorp! It's still a pretty hard game, don't get me wrong, but it's MUCH easier than Lobcorp is. You can take your time with 95% of all battles. (the 5% is a single battle with a time limit.)

The story is a bit easier to understand! Plus, you get to see characters interacting with other characters more.

MUCH, MUCH gorier than Lobcorp. Without spoiling anything, a certain chapter with two characters called Tommy and Merry might be a bit tough to handle especially. Take care of yourself!

It has a Steam Workshop page! And lots and lots of mods! Some better than others, but still, there's a lot worth checking out! Even if you don't particularly want to toy with mods, there are also custom skins to try out.

...Yeah, I recommend Library of Ruina over Lobcorp any day, it's a much more polished experience.

TL;DR - Very polished, if difficult, card battler

Now, I can say it. If this piqued your interest... GO BUY LOBOTOMY CORPORATION AND/OR LIBRARY OF RUINA ON STEAM RIGHT NOW GOGOGO!!!!

[sapphire-mage]

So You Want to Get Into Middle Era Final Fantasy? (A Guide to Final Fantasy I-VI for Those Who Want To Check Them Out)

Some months ago, I posted a bit of an excerpt about Final Fantasy 1-6 (Oh look, here it is!), as they were coming out in Spring 2023. I kind of hinted towards the end that I’d be down to discuss the later games as well, and I suppose now would be a great chance. As someone who as played all the numbers except 11 (which is not listed), I feel it would help to go to bat on this conversation.

This is a dialogue about ‘which of these games should be you’re first FF’ and/or ‘whether or not you should give the game a go’. I won’t be bashing any of them, but instead, making a case for each of them as a way to draw points as to whether or not you would be interested in them. I may state my opinion on some of them, but overall, I have love for each of them. Let’s begin, shall we?

GENERAL TIPS AND INFO:

-Take note that MOST of these games are turn based combat RPGS, in varying degrees. With certain games, the genre does shift in a certain direction, but they still fit the RPG niche.

-FF7-9 have more ‘active mode’ style turn based RPGs, while FF10 has a more ‘wait’ style, giving you A LOT more time to breathe. FF12 functions more as a single players MMORPG with two AI bots helping you, and FF13 is more of a fast paced turn based style with two AI partners. There’s also.... you’ll see.

-If by some chance, Final Fantasy isn't vibing with you: By all means quit. Maybe pick up one with a story that interests you more. Maybe turn based combat isn't your thing. Maybe you want a better leveling system. Maybe you would rather do more modern adaptations. It varies, but don't be afraid to step away. If it's not your thing, it is not your thing. That's okay.

-When it comes to any of these games: Wait until they are on sale. Square tends to put their games on sale pretty often, and pretty often, those sales are a steal. So keep that in mind!

OKAY! Let’s begin!

Final Fantasy VII

To be clear, I am not talking about the remake. This is OG VII.

Gameplay-wise, VII takes a lot of notes from VI. Individually, characters have unique weapons and limit breaks, but you can equip materia that grant magic, skills, and stat boosts. THAT is where the strategy lies. Using what materia slots your character has, you can strengthen your materia while also making the right load out for upcoming battles.

The story is excellent on it's own. Without going into sequels or prequels, FFVII is actually one of the easiest to understand storylines of the bunch. Everything is pretty straightforward, and anything that isn't explained is left in mystery for mystery's sake (unless you go to prequels and sequels). Best of all: The character development is spread out neatly. Each character gets a lot of time to evolve as a character and improve, which is nice.

The music's fame precedes itself, though it has some that I'm not a fan of (namely 'Under the Rotten Pizza'). But if there is any real problem with FFVII, it's the graphics. Those polygons... have not aged well. I can look past it, but it may be a struggle for some. Especially in certain areas where it gets hard to SEE where to go.

But... It was my first Final Fantasy, and I think it's a superb 'first Final Fantasy' for ANYONE!

General Tip: VII isn't too difficult, as far as the series goes, so I don't have many tips. ...Save for two. First off, KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN EVERYWHERE FOR ITEMS! Especially materia! You can sometimes find materia just lying around, and that one chance to get it might to your only chance for a LONG TIME! So, keep your eyes open for green, blue, red, or purple orbs lying around!

And the second tip... At some point in the game, you'll end up going into some place called the 'Temple of the Ancients'.

When you think you're getting close to the end of that area, you should remove Aerith's/Aeris' accessory, give her a weak armor, and a somewhat weak weapon. It'll help you in a later battle.

You don't have to worry about materia, though. She can keep using whatever materia you want.

Final Fantasy Tactics

WAIT A MINUTE! Tactics?!? T doesn't come after 7!

You see, Final Fantasy Tactics holds such a big place in people's hearts, that many consider it as part of the numerical series despite being a spin-off. I AM ONE SUCH PEOPLE! TACTICS RULES!

First off, the gameplay is completely different. If you've ever played or seen Tactics Ogre, Triangle Strategy, or any '_____ Tactics' game, you should know that THAT is the gameplay styling. It can also be compared to Fire Emblem, but it's a much more different beast in a certain regard. Imagine chess, but with RPG numbers and equipment.

But to make it even better: It has a job system like Final Fantasy V. You can change the class of your characters and keep some of the things they learned from those classes. You can have a Ninja that steals like a thief, a Chemist that can dance, a Black Mage with any other magic, etc. THERE'S EVEN A CLASS THAT LET'S YOU USE MATHEMATICS TO FIGHT! AND IT'S OP IN THE RIGHT HANDS!

Storywise, this is one of the richest, yet most tragic stories in the series. It's not a story that will make your cry, per se, but it is a story that will speak of the struggles of the world. While many characters are lovable (especially the main character, Ramza), the story is very heavy and deals with heavy political themes and questions of morality. How the corruption of greed and power ruins innocent lives. That said, it does all of this quite well, and it makes for an excellent story.

This isn't a good 'first Final Fantasy' as it is a spin off that plays completely different from the rest of the series, but it is an AWESOME game that you should play if the sound of this game tickles your fancy. No requirement to play any other number in the series, either.

THAT SAID, I WOULD RECOMMEND WAITING A BIT, BECAUSE THE LIKELY HOOD OF A TACTICS REMASTER IS QUITE POSSIBLE AT THIS POINT! Especially after the success of Triangle Strategy and Tactics Ogre's remaster. But if you can't wait, be sure to play the 'War of the Lions' port, and not the OG PS1 version. The original had some bugs and poor translation.

General Tips: This game DOES have permadeath for all characters, so don't let that timer go past zero when your party members are KO'd. However, if you win the battle before their timers end, they'll be alive again after the fight.

Also: Ramza's 'Squire' class functions differently than the 'Squire' class does for most non-major playable characters. Keep an eye on it, as the class has some secrets that can benefit you later on. But of course, you can do as you please with Ramza's class and fighting style.

I'm so sorry, VIII fans, but from this bundle, this is my least favorite. But I'm still coming from a place of love and understanding.

VIII is quite different in gameplay compared to most of the previous ones. It works somewhat like 7 in that characters have unique weapons and limit breaks, but then the magic system makes things... interesting. You can equip summons still, but now, you have to 'draw magic' out from enemies and random locations. You can't equip and cast 'Fire' unless you draw individual 'Fire' spells out from your enemies to cast it for yourself. It makes a lot more sense in context.

One of the unique things you can do with your magic is augment your magic to your stats to boost them. You can also equip magic to your weapons to change them. Equipping 'Fire' to your weapons or armor could grant you Fire Elemental Attack or Immunity respectively. Same goes for Status Effects like Poison or Sleep. That aspect is really neat and creative for boss strats.

Since the gameplay is so different, it's hard to recommend as a 'first Final Fantasy', but it is not a bad follow up one.

The story is a bit strange and all-over-the-place at times, but the central focus is on a cute romance between a grumpy teenage boy and a hopeful teenage girl. She drives him a bit crazy, which gets cute and fun. There's also a neat flashback story involving a super awesome character named Laguna, but that's for you to figure out.

If this game has one massive selling point, it's the music. One of the best OSTs in the series. Battle themes, overworld themes, town themes, dungeons themes. STELLAR all around.

General Tips: Some might suggest drawing as much magic as you can until you hit max at the start. ...That is insanely boring and kind of torture. Go at your own pace. Draw when you can and have fun with it. There will be other methods to draw magic later in the game, too.

Also: Be careful over-leveling yourself. This game has a leveling system that levels boss battles along with you, so if you decide to max level, be ready for a difficult final boss.

Talking about this game is going to be difficult, because... this game kind of means so much to me, that speaking ill of it kind of hurts. But I have to speak the truth about certain things. I need to emphasize that this game has my favorite story in the entire series. Ever. Just... My god... It's so good. Maybe not perfect, but it's everything to me.

First, let's talk gameplay. Characters function like FFIV, where characters have predetermined classes and roles, but with IX, they learn new magic, abilities, and skills by equipping specific weapons, armor, or accessories. Even if the weapon or gear sucks, you need to master the spell/skill before moving on to better gear.

Also, worth mentioning: Recent ports have some 'aspect ratio' issues that mess with certain scenes. And sometimes, the game can crash after you beat the final boss. ...Yeah. I don't know why Square did a 'bleh' job with the port. Consider a PS1 version if possible, or be ready to watch the ending on YouTube when you get there.

But... This game's story... Holy moly... There has not been a video game, let alone a Final Fantasy, that has made me cry THIS MUCH! Endwalker came close!

Mind you: This is also, easily, the funniest Final Fantasy. The characters are very cartoonish, and this leads to many antics and running gags.

But the moral of this story... Without spoiling much, Final Fantasy IX talks about the value of life. AND MY GOD, DOES IT RIP YOUR HEART OUT BUT THEN ALSO MEND YOUR HEART WITH LOVE AND KISSES! And as sad as it sounds, it's a sadness that gives you hope, and sometimes, changes you as a person.

If it weren't for technical issues, this would be my favorite FF. There have been rumors of either a remake or a TV adaptation. Keep an eye out for that, and hopefully, they won't pull their punches on some of the heart wrenching moments of the game.

But if you want to experience the story now... It's ready for you to take on. Be ready to laugh, but be ready with some tissues.

General Tips: Make use of what each character can offer! If a certain character isn't living up to their potential, but you HAVE to use them, don't be afraid to have them be an item healer.

Garnet has more powerful attack summons, while Eiko has more support driven summons. Zidane and Freya are secretly two of the most busted characters, but they require a lot of grinding to get them there. Vivi is low tier, but if I can beat final bosses and super bosses with Vivi on my team, you can do anything. And again, don't underestimate Blue Magic. EVER!

(EDIT: I made the fatal error to go watch a certain scene reaction to FFIX after proof reading this, and my nose is clogged from how much I was crying. Again.)

I've heard many people point out that Final Fantasy X is the best 'First Final Fantasy'. It has voice acting. It has solid graphics. It's on every console. The story is easy to grasp (at least, the main two characters are). I'd agree, but I'd also say that that is still up to the eye of the beholder. Someone DYING to meet Sephiroth or having a preference for 2D games will point elsewhere in the end. But yes, FFX is a very safe bet.

From a gameplay standpoint, X SEEMS very forgiving, as it has a built in 'Wait Mode'. It could be one of your character's turn to attack, and you can take AS LONG AS YOU WANT! But it has some rough boss fights. Only bad part is leveling. It involves what is basically a 'giant board game where all characters start on different places, each space being a stat/ability'. IT'S HUGE! It leads to a lot of freedom, which is good, but it is extremely time consuming.

Story is... complicated. The lore and pace of the plot gets a little wonky and hand wavey. Like, "Oh! We need to move the plot to _____, so... RANDOM BULLSHIT!" But... that's not to say the story has no appeal!

The appeal of the story is the relationship between it's main characters, Tidus and Yuna. And not just in a romantic way. Yuna is quite honestly one of the most nuanced characters in Final Fantasy. She's absolutely fascinating, especially for people who have complicated religious history or family. And how Tidus and Yuna connect and lead each other to change is done so well.

And the music! Some of it has a strange bounce to it, but many other tracks are so incredibly beautiful.

General Tip: As mentioned above, the Endgame side quests can be really annoying. Be ready to brace yourself for some tedious or difficult tasks. ...Unless you have no interest in doing them, in which case, carry on with your playthrough.

Oh, and there is a segment where you get the chance to teach Tidus the 'Jecht Shot'. Try your best to get it right the first time. It'll take place after you meet Yuna and get on a boat.

Final Fantasy XII

XII is one of the biggest oddmans out. From this point on, 'turn based combat' is technically over. We're now dealing with more complicated gameplay styles.

Gameplay functions in what I can best describe as an 'auto battle programmer'. On one hand, you can tell your characters what to do, but on the other, you can 'program' them to attack using 'gambits'. For example, 'If Ally HP < 30, use Cure' or 'If Enemy has lowest Health, Attack'. Characters will function and respond to these set ups instantly, and even follow priorities depending on how important you consider each gambit to be for each character.

It's very different from the rest of the series, and it was controversial at the time. That said, I really enjoyed it. Definitely fed the former computer programmer in me.

Story is VERY different from most Final Fantasys. While character arcs and development exists, they do not take the forefront. XII, much like Tactics (which takes place in the same world), focuses more on political drama and revolution. That said, the characters are still fairly fun and interesting, so you're not entering a world of lifeless characters.

Music would probably be my biggest issue. I don't dislike Hitoshi's work. Obviously, I liked Tactic's OST, but XII doesn't have many tracks that stick with me. Still, it sounds better than the Tactics Advance games.

Should go without saying, but this one isn't a great 'First Final Fantasy'. I would recommend it to people who really enjoy computer programming or logic statements, though.

General Tips: This game does not have 'dropped gil/money' like most Final Fantasy games do. Unless your opponent is human, they don't drop money. Instead, monsters will drop spoils such as fur, bones, teeth, etc. THOSE can be sold for money.

Unfortunately, there is also an issue where there are certain items that you shouldn't sell, or else you will cheat yourself out of certain future prizes. You may want to look into that online.

The most controversial game on this line up. I lived through quite a fandom war over this game. Where I lie on that debate can be summarized in three statements. 1. I'm not going to deep into that, as I'm here to speak hope into the ether for this game. 2. The 'Hallway Simulator' criticism is a bit absurd, when MANY games do that. 3. Final Fantasy XIII needs friends and deserves friends, and that's what I want to fight for here.

XIII's gameplay is a step back to being somewhat turn based, but it is a lot more automated. You can only control one character, but you can change the 'classes' of your entire party mid-battle. You'll alternate to deal damage, heal, buff, debuff, and set up the right combo to break your enemy's defenses.

Biggest drawback is that if that character your controlling dies, it's Game Over. BUT the game works in a 'Would you like to retry the battle?' way, so retrying is no big deal.

The story... I'm not gonna lie, I am still SO CONFUSED by the general lore and explanation of what certain things are, but... I GET THE CHARACTERS! While some may say that it's a bit 'anime', the characters go through some great character arcs.

Lightning is controversial for... dumb reasons. Sorry, I like my 'big sister' protagonists, and she's no exception. Lightning is cool as hell. And Vanille is a very off-character whose voice acting and behavior will have you scratching your head... until you figure out what's going on with her.

And finally, the music. I don't know many games Masashi has led on his own, but OH MY GOD, I love the music of this game. Absolutely gorgeous! And the fact that the above song is the BASIC BATTLE THEME is crazy!

General Tips: A large portion of the game is pretty straight forward, though chest are scattered around. You may get the creeping feeling of "Oh god, am I missing side quests as I go through here?"

NOPE! The game will open up at a certain point, and it will be EXTREMELY obvious when it does. Then, and only then, do side quests show up. But it won't be for a while.

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Alright, that about wraps it up. I'm not really planning to cover XI, XIV, or XV. Still haven't played XI, XIV is an entirely different beast, and XV is something I'm still processing. If I did anything beyond here, it would probably be spin-offs? I didn't mention X-2 or XIII's sequels (I haven't played the latter, maybe I should get on that), but maybe there I will.

Ranking the games from 'best Final Fantasy to start with'. Mind you, this isn't a ranking of 'Which games are best'.

Final Fantasy VII

Final Fantasy X

Final Fantasy IX

Final Fantasy VIII

Final Fantasy XIII

Final Fantasy XII

I'm a bit biased. VII was MY first! And I didn't rank Tactics because I feel like people searching for Tactics games will gravitate to Tactics on their own. Or at least, everyone should play/try FFT regardless of FF relationship.

Honestly, I feel like these six (or seven) are very much up to factor of 'Which one interests you the most?' And that drive will guide you more than anything. If you're just DYING to meet Cloud and Sephiroth, then you know the answer. If anything I mentioned got you interested, maybe that's the one to go for.

Even if I recommended AGAINST playing one of them first, do it if you want to. Honestly, everyone has something to gain from each of these. I truly don't believe any of these are 'bad'.

[ridiasfangirlings]

Idol au where Munakata wanted Fushimi to sing as main vocal for once but Fushimi sucks at it (doesn't even give it his all). They're wondering how to get Fushimi to sing with emotions and Munakata realizes who could make Fushimi feel anything and drags Yata into it without Yata knowing what's going on. It works and now Yata is invited whenever they need Fushimi to sing. The others don't understand why a Homra member is with them but Fushimi knows but is embarrassed to explain the reason.

That's one way to get him motivated :D I imagine this working not just in a 'show off for Misaki' way but also a 'can't look bad in front of Misaki' way too, like Fushimi can't look as if he's doing badly or else Yata will be able to act all superior about how when he's the center for a Homra song he's obviously so much better at it than Fushimi. Fushimi is usually a solo act but Munakata's been experimenting a bit more with subgroups within S4's label, like having certain members pair up and do different songs. He also wants to do big group numbers and of course he's often the center himself, since he is head of the label and very popular in his own right, but Munakata believes that Fushimi would make an excellent center as well. Munakata decides to create a new group with Fushimi and the alphabet squad where Fushimi will be main vocals, this will only involve a handful of songs that are meant to be performed live but the idea is to make it like this special event that will galvanize sales because people will be looking forward to it.

There's just one problem with this plan – Fushimi does not like working in groups and is clearly not motivated at all, he's not showing any of his usual charisma and is just like a lead weight as center. Munakata attempts to give him criticism so he can improve, like noting Fushimi's lack of emotion and enthusiasm, but Fushimi just clicks his tongue and mutters that he doesn't do group songs and they should just give the center position to someone else. Munakata decides that clearly the true problem is that Fushimi lacks the will to succeed in this area, with the proper push Munakata is certain that Fushimi could do very well in this stage it's all a matter of convincing him to sing the way Munakata knows he could.

As the next live concert approaches Awashima comes to Munakata all concerned, the Fushimi group is still on the concert schedule and Fushimi's performing is still below usual standards. Munakata assures her that he has a plan and that Fushimi-kun will definitely give them a wonderful performance. The day of the concert Yata happens to receive a mysterious anonymous ticket to an outdoor concert, the ticket doesn't mention that S4 is hosting this concert but Yata is named specifically on the ticket. Yata wonders if this is some kind of joke but he's assured it isn't, Awashima gave the ticket to Kusanagi to deliver to Yata with only the instructions that he not tell Yata where it came from. He can assure Yata that it's legit though and that his presence is apparently important, Yata's all huh like maybe I'm a VIP or something. He decides to go check it out and imagine the ticket has like a special door for him to go through and he even gets this prime spot right in front of the stage.

The curtain opens and Yata's surprised to see Saruhiko on stage with the alphabet squad. Yata wonders if this is some kind of mean joke and Fushimi's going to start teasing him or something but at the same time he can't really bring himself to leave. Fushimi doesn't even seem to notice Yata's there – except of course he noticed, he noticed the moment he stepped on stage, and the squad are all amazed at how suddenly Fushimi-san is singing with so much enthusiasm and emotion. After the concert Fushimi finds Yata and taunts him all oh did you come to watch a superior singer Misaki and Yata's annoyed but also like yeah well I guess that was kinda good but not as good as Homra's singing. Of course they both act as if this is some kind of challenge and now they need to out-sing each other but really Fushimi just secretly wants to look good for Yata, the next concert he assumes he can just phone in his performance again until he sees Yata once again out there in the audience and sings with all this emotion and passion (and meanwhile Yata is once again so confused on how he got there, this time Munakata just hired a ninja to kidnap him and Awashima had to call Kusanagi and ask him not to contact the police, they'll return Yata Misaki when they're done with him)

[aeide-thea]

i did not engage with black friday but the absolutely relentless barrage of emails from various retailers about their sales! sales! sales! has had me thinking a bunch abt Shopping nonetheless

and like. there are a lot of things to be said on that front but specifically at the moment i'm frustrated with the way in which my own human failings (ADHD mainly) and also reqs/prefs make it difficult to be as good about things i care abt as i'd like—which frankly is a statement that's true far beyond the scope of this post, lol, but specifically i'm thinking abt like [cut for length]:

i've been contemplating microplastics with dread/frustration/shame and wanting to move towards natural fibers, which also just feel and perform better—but the reality afaict from my reading of reviews is that with actual t-shirt-thin 100% merino,¹ even if it says it's machine-washable, people find that it develops holes within, like, one season of wear, if not significantly sooner? which is obviously not even a little bit sustainable financially, never mind the other costs (shipping emissions, etc) of reordering clothing that often. so basically you either have to accept some percentage of reinforcing nylon in the garment, which means you're still creating microplastics when you go to wash it, or you have to handwash all your shirts, which—i've met myself. that just isn't realistically possible for me. i'm like multiple weeks overdue for doing a Big Wash but i keep ADHD-ing my way past the point in the day that i'd want to have started the process by, so it keeps getting put off, and that's with in-house washer/dryer access—imagine upping the level of difficulty by adding in handwashing! could Not be me.

so ultimately where i end up is that like, in buying corespun merino i'm improving my textural/wicking/temp reg/etc experience, so i do benefit, but the environment isn't benefiting nearly as much as i'd like, although i suppose washing a garment that's like 13% plastic is probably still not-insignificantly better than washing one that's 100% plastic, especially if the anti-stink/anti-wrinkle properties of merino pan out enough that i can actually wash the garment less often? but like. not nearly as gratifying as achieving 100% natural fiber, 0% microplastics. :/

(it's possible merino-tencel blends are hardier? so that might be worth looking into. but also i have very particular size/style/gender prefs/needs that really narrow the field of possibilities, is the thing—wanting to wear a smaller-than-standard men's size rather than a more common women's size, basically—and idk how many merino-tencel blends (if any) fit within the narrow band that leaves for me. [it's maybe possible a men's S could be dryer-shrunk enough to function as an XS, but that sounds (a) more possible with 100% merino than with a blend and (b) like an experiment too expensive to risk having fail.])

⸻ ¹ i do have one (1) fancy merino hoodie i bought years ago as an Investment Piece that's like, 100% merino machine-knit that's fleecy inside—sort of like american apparel california fleece except wool?—and is ime entirely machine-wash friendly: practical attractive impeccable garment‚ after years of amortization price almost reasonable‚ no notes. but i think it's the thickness of the fabric that makes that possible—t-shirts you want to be much thinner‚ and thinness → tearing.

[hangonimevolving]

The Super

Im so happy and relieve that both we, and Ajima and Thatha, are settled into our new-to-us homes. Of course, being settled in hasn’t meant that all house-related work is over. Maintaining a home can sometimes feel like a job in itself - not only all the cleaning and chores, but also the handyman visits, trips to home improvement stores to buy stuff, and replacing/repairing things as needed. This weekend, I’ve felt like the Super of our two houses, fixing issues and overseeing work.

A month ago, I accompanied Ajima and Thatha to Home Depot to shop for new kitchen appliances. The old microwave in their house worked fine, except that the handle had fallen off, and Ajima had cleverly rigged it back up again…with a rope of medical tape from their first aid cabinet.

Yep…. Not the classiest look. She was also interested in replacing their gargantuan side-by-side refrigerator and freezer with a more modern and functional French-door style fridge and undercounted freezer drawer - better for the layout of their kitchen, and her mobility issues. I figured at that point, we also just get them a new range/oven and dishwasher, so everything would match and we could take advantage of “buy 3 get one free” sales.

We ordered everything at the end of April, but the delivery and install date happened to be today, and Ajima and Thatha had a planned trip to DC to visit my sister Rithers and her kids H2O and NiNi…so I told them never to fear, their Super would personally attend to the appliance situation at their home. And so I did. It took a few hours of me sitting around, with a little bit of floor sweeping, fridge shelf cleaning, and replacement of refrigerated items once the time came - but in the end, I think their newly refreshed kitchen is looking rather spiffy and more functional now!

Back at my own home front - an unwelcome issue awaited me as I pulled into the driveway right after helping Ajima and Thatha’s home improvement. I got out of the car to discover this unwelcome sight, with an accompanying (PIERCING) sound:

This is the control box to our sewage liftgate pump. What is a sewage liftgate pump? Yeah, a short 2-ish years ago, I had no idea either. I had to do a lot of reading and educating myself when we bought this house. Basically, it’s a system where the house has its sewage line that ordinarily connects to a city sewer line, but here, the home’s sewer line goes down to a holding tank at a deeper level than where the city sewer line runs….then, the liftgate pump lifts the wastewater up within that holding tank to an elevation where it can appropriately connect to the city sewer line. Its like, if a regular house with a city sewer line and a house with a septic tank had a baby, it would be a sewer liftgate system. It’s like an elevator for poop-water. Gross. And weird. But true. Here, a picture (don’t worry, it’s just a drawing schematic, not an actual picture).

Note: this is not my original artwork; I’ve shamelessly stolen it from the website of some sewer liftgate servicer in an entirely different part of the country than where I live. I’ve left their business name and info on the image as a way of citing them…and thanking them for doing a job that I would never want to do in a zillion years.

Anyway. So - I call the utility company, and they say most likely, our pump is failing, and they put me on the list as first appointment for replacement in the morning. In the meantime, they caution, please be mindful of your water usage, take short showers, and maybe don’t do laundry today. And call if our toilets simply stop flushing at any point.

Ummm. That’s absolutely not reassuring, I tell them - but they insist that there is usually a lot of reserve in the tank so showering/toilet usage and ordinary water usage for washing hands, etc should be okay. I am nervous, but I also do appreciate that they’re giving me first appointment. So I thank them and hang up.

And then…..I decide that as payment for my Super services rendered….we are gonna go right back to Ajima and Thatha’s house tonight for our showers.

[svchengss]

king of hearts | d.sc

PAIRING. dong sicheng x reader

GENRE. high school!au, fluff, slight angst, kind of e2l

WARNINGS. none (lmk if i missed any!)

WORD COUNT. 6.7k

SUMMARY. sicheng’s subtle flirts are not working effectively but it only motivates him to try and woo you more. the devil sure works hard but dong sicheng works harder.

PLAYLIST. king of hearts

TAGLIST. @floraljae @clovdless @mashiihearts @ndr1271 @kunrengui (shoutout to mashi for being a major help in the process of writing this <3)

// just to let you guys know, reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated !! thank you for reading :D

music was blaring through the multiple loudspeakers scattered around the school grounds, booths of various interests that were set-up by the clubs being swarmed by visitors and ecstatic oohs and aahs from the ones playing games can be heard intermittently. the annual school festival of redlands high, an event that is looked forward to by every single student there. or maybe not, you’re quite unsure of the self-made data.

you immediately made a beeline to the dance club booth which is managed by yangyang, the president also holding the title of your best friend. a cartoonish grin crept up on his face when he spots you walking towards him.

“so, what do you think? looks legit, huh?” he crossed his arms together, observing the design of the booth with a proud smile. the set-up is definitely eye-catching, not much decorations going on, adding to the simplicity of the white theme with gold touch-ups. you browsed through the plastered posters on the board, inviting people to sign up for their upcoming audition. looking up to the signboard hanging outside, you showed a thumbs up towards him, muttering a quick ‘perfect’.

“so what exactly is your booth doing? there’s not much… activity going on?” you scratched the non-existent itch on your left eyebrow. the boy in front of you gave you an eye roll before explaining that there will be mini dance games - or just dance as he worded. an amused sound left your lips as you bent down, dropping your signature in the guestbook on the wooden table.

“are you coming to the stage shows tonight? i heard there’s a new band performing,” your ears perked up instinctively upon hearing the words. after your sister graduated high school, nobody paid any attention to keep the band going. the zikas, a trio that made the music club strive back then. either the newer batches were too lazy to make an effort or too scared if they weren’t up to the already high standards of the school.

“i’m going if you’re going,” you simply stated, which made yangyang flash you the same grin from before. you said your simple goodbyes when people started lining up to try the just dance game at his booth. after he reminded you to wait for him by the statue, you went off to check out the food sales, eager to fill your growling stomach since this morning.

you can do this, sicheng. you can do this.

he made sure to double check the tuning of his guitar for one last time before joining the rest of his bandmates on the stage. his tall and slim physique surely left an impact, seeing that some of the audience suddenly became more invested in the performance compared to the others. he’s wearing some band’s shirt - probably green day since it’s quite similar to your sister’s posters in her room, black leather jacket and his black hair middle parted. not to miss the silver pendant necklace on his neck, sparkling under the spotlight.

the moment he struck the pick through the strings of his electric guitar, the drummer and bassist followed after, producing a melody that is pleasing to your ears. he held the microphone closer to his mouth, singing the lyrics as you bobbed your head up and down to the covers they sang - american idiot and helena are the ones you recognized since you’ve heard the songs so often. yangyang on the other hand kept on sipping the chocolate milkshake in his hand, vibing with the music as well.

the next song was a sentimental one which you assumed is a self-composed one, since you’ve never heard this song before. before you know it, the performance is over and the audience have started packing up their belongings to hang out somewhere else or go home.

“good job everyone, we did well,” yuta, who played the bass earlier, high-fived the rest of the band with a sly grin on his face. guanheng chugged the mineral water down his throat before stashing his drumsticks into the bag while sicheng was lost in his thoughts. he doesn’t know why but you stood out from the crowd, only able to see you just now. he wouldn’t say it’s a crush, not knowing anything about you but it definitely made him feel something. a trigger in his heart, not knowing where it leads to. but what he does know is that you caught his attention.

“and you know what he said? i’ll come back crawling to him just like his other exes. what the heck is even that?” you took out the binders from your locker while listening to ningning rant about her love life. since you haven’t had any relationships before, you’re not really a professional in this aspect of life so you just kept your mouth shut to avoid giving useless advice.

“that sounds so rude, he’s such a jerk,” you commented, taking the first bite of your sandwich afterwards. the tea-spilling session eventually came to an end when she reached her class first and you kept walking to mrs. walker’s, english being your first period. nothing exciting really happened in that class except someone got their phone confiscated for texting in class - just the usual things. classes later, it’s finally recess when you met up with ningning and yangyang in the cafeteria.

“first of all, cut him off. block him. everywhere,” yangyang emphasized the last word, knowing how much of an idiot the guy can be. you just scrolled through your socials, double tapping on certain posts that caught your eye. owning a cat looks fun, you made a mental note to bring the idea to your parents later. the bell rang which signals that classes are starting back soon and the same cycle of events continues before it’s time to go home.

you observed yangyang’s sharp moves, following to the beat of the song echoing in the dance room. it’s currently half past seven and he’s still here, beads of sweat running through his hair. and why would he stay in school so late, you may ask? obviously, he’s here for a reason and it being an upcoming dance tournament is the most accurate one. while you’re here, sitting on the floor, back against the mirror and legs straightened out with your phone in your hand. it amazes you how the goofy boy transforms 360°, being all serious when he’s in his element.

“let’s go home, i’m tired already,” he panted out breathlessly, using a cloth nearby to wipe his sweaty forehead. you wait for him by the glass door as he packs up his things when the lights in the music studio also switched off. you wondered it must be the band guys so you paid no attention whatsoever. of course, your predictions were right when you saw two lads stepping out.

since yangyang is taking too much time tidying up the dance studio and the music studio seems unoccupied, you decided to check it out for a bit. it’s been a long time since you last entered the room, always accompanying your sister for her extra practice when you were younger. not much has changed, except some additions of instruments can be seen. not seeing anything in the dark condition as the room is only illuminated by the faint lights from the hallway, you pushed the switches down only to be met by a gasp.

“what are you doing here?” the tall boy approached you, a stern look visible on his fine features. your eyes scrambled around the room in an attempt to find any logical excuses for your ‘break-in’ but to no avail. your tongue was dry, not a sound escaping your throat when you heard yangyang’s voice, signalling your cue to exit the room and escape from the tension building between you and the boy. he just shook his head, the black hair bouncing left to right as he finally caught on.

it’s you, you’re the girl from the crowd. and your name is y/n.

the walk home was filled with one-sided conversations where yangyang kept on babbling about how he should improve the choreography he created earlier while you only added small comments. your mind is filled with embarrassment, too much that you feel slightly mad at yourself. why didn’t you say anything earlier? now, you look like a complete idiot with communication issues in front of that boy.

“yeah, and remember that pasta? we should definitely try it again, it’s like, so good,” yangyang said, earning a nod from you when you saw the boy from last night’s music studio tragedy approaching your table. you tried to look away but it was too late.

“dude, just wanna let you know that mr. park is seeing us after school,” your grip on your fork loosens up when you realized he wasn’t talking to you. maybe he forgot about the incident? you really hope so.

“yeah, totally. thanks sicheng,” yangyang playfully winked at the latter, earning a disgusted look from him who started walking away. he glanced back at you with a smug smile on his plump lips, making you freeze up again.

he didn’t.

“are you okay, y/n? feeling sick?” ningning furrowed her eyebrows upon seeing your sudden change of demeanor. you shrugged her off and continued to consume the macaroni placed on the tray in front of you, mentally cursing at yourself for the poor life choice you’d made. well, at least you know that his name is sicheng, right?

oh boy, you’re in for a long ride.

you can’t wait to go home and snuggle under the covers, today has been a long and tiring one for you. you had three pop quizzes as if all the three teachers intended so, your class had to run multiple laps during p.e. and so on. you’re already planning your routine in your head, trudging your way to the lockers when you saw him leaning against yours, scrolling down his phone.

“crap,” you muttered under your breath.

there it is, the smirk on his face returns when he spots your figure approaching. oh, how you wish you could wipe it off his face. he moved a couple steps backwards to give you some space to arrange your things before locking it, turning your head towards him.

“i’m sorry, why are you here again? and if it’s because of last night, then i’m sorry if it bothered you or anything,” you huffed out.

“what? i didn’t really care, it’s not like you were stealing anything, right?” he squinted his eyes, eyeing you up and down suspiciously, laughing shortly after seeing you get riled up.

“damn, you really need to learn how to take a joke. y/n, right? i’m sicheng, nice to meet you.”

“why exactly are we having this meet-and-greet or whatever this introduction is?” you crossed your arms, waiting for his response. but he didn’t, immediately turning on his heels and making his way towards the stairs, probably going to the studio.

“jerk,” you cursed under your breath, walking out the school building.

“what? you got accepted? seriously?” ningning’s voice echoed against the cafeteria walls, earning surprised and annoyed glances from other students who were either satisfying their grumbling stomach or simply having conversations. yangyang softly nudged her elbows using his, asking her to lower her voice down before telling you to go on. you were quite surprised as well, the acceptance email was not what you expected to receive. when you filled in the application form, it was just a mere shoot-your-shot agenda to see if you’d make the cut. although this is just a camp, you’re still unsure of what lies ahead.

“yeah, it starts next week. but i’m so nervous though,” you sipped the iced coffee in your hands. you’ve only watched videos of people producing their own music from scratch which you start to take an interest in. however, you’ve never done it hands-on before, only having basic music theory knowledge thanks to the piano lessons your parents signed you up for when you were young.

“you’ll do awesome, i promise,” yangyang gave you a reassuring smile, making you release some tension from the overthinking you’ve had since you received the email last night.

“thanks yang.”

now, here you are on the first day of attending the internship camp. you stood in front of the tall mirror hanging on the wall, straightening your cardigan and applying some makeup onto your face as touch-ups. it’s currently 7:40 in the morning, the earliest time you’ve ever woken up on a saturday. your siblings are still swallowed in their states of sleep. you double-checked the contents in your tote bag, making sure that no important things are left behind. you totally don’t intend on leaving a bad first impression on your first day.

after bidding a swift goodbye to your parents who just woke up, you drove your mother’s old honda to the completely new destination - mbyte studios. the tall building with light grey and blue painted walls definitely made it stand out, a futuristic look catching the eyes of the passersby. taking a deep breath, you entered the main lobby before being escorted to a room on the second floor. you assume it’s a waiting room for all participants of the camp, scanning that majority of the occupiers might be college students. you thanked god that the camp takes place on weekends so your high school senior life won’t be interrupted that much.

DAY 1

your eyes widened when you spot sicheng with the same white and blue tag you’re wearing, seated on the sofa. what the hell is he doing here? you avoided acknowledging his presence, trying to make yourself as unnoticed as possible heading over to occupy the seat farthest from his. after quite some time staring at the paintings hanging on the wall, a middle-aged lady with a petite figure entered the room, making you sit up straight.

“welcome to mbyte studios! i’m the assistant director, mrs. hwang. first and foremost, congratulations on being accepted. it’ a pleasure to witness the start of your musical journey embarking here. i believe that we should know each other first?” she gestured for any volunteers. sicheng stood up from his seat, charisma evident in his stance which left quite an impression on the others. the strong confidence in the way he speaks made the woman smile amusingly.

some names later, it was your turn to introduce yourself. the moment you stood up, he immediately recognized you and you were sure you caught him making some faces. the ice-breaking session went well thankfully, mrs. hwang elaborating on the social rules and the itinerary throughout the whole six days. one that caught your attention was assisting the producers on making a track from scratch, just like you had dreamed of.

when it was finally time for lunch break, you shot up from your seat to get away from sicheng as fast as possible but to your dismay, he beat you to it, jogging up towards your standing position.

“i didn’t know you were into music, what’s the sudden occasion?”

“it’s none of your business actually,” you sneered back, obviously not favouring his attention.

“woah, relax. you’ve got quite a temper, don’t you? by the way, we’re having lunch together,” he placed his phone onto a nearby table, pulling a chair for you.

“just eat on your own, i don’t have the appetite,” you flash a sarcastic grin before disappearing into the women’s restroom. he just laughed bitterly at your response before walking towards the food counter, joining his newly made friend, jaehyun. being the same age, they’re easy to click.

DAY 2

“today, we’ll be focusing on the recording process. you’ll be assigned into groups that will have a tour of the whole department. our staff will facilitate each group,” the manager said loud and clear. you remembered his name was johnny. the tattoo on his shoulder really stands out, considering the fact that he’s always wearing a sleeveless shirt.

but what are the odds when your groupmate is none other than the guy himself, sicheng. it’s like the universe truly resented you for having to be associated with him at any event. your group was escorted to the farthest recording studio on the floor. to say that this was a great experience is truly an understatement, making you observe the gears used in astonishment. you hate to admit it but sicheng has a handful of knowledge on this particular topic, always correctly answering the questions directed by the staff. maybe it wasn’t quite surprising upon knowing that his career choice is a singer, not that you care anyways.

again, nothing out of the ordinary happened today, except that you and sicheng had lunch on the same table. of course, it’s not that you accepted his offer but he welcomed himself to the spot. being the quickly favoured participant among the rest, obviously they welcomed him with open hands. he placed himself among the two guys sitting at the right corner, eyeing you whose eyes are still not leaving the article you were skimming through. with the last spoon of food shoved into your mouth, you quietly excused yourself from the group. sicheng just watched your movements in subtle signs of annoyance.

with the final task of doing microphone check-ups, day two of the camp ended with a breeze. you can’t wait to go home, get into a warm bath and spend the night watching netflix. it was a tiring one indeed but you’re not one to complain. pushing the car keys into the ignition slot, the sound of the engine starting is still nowhere to be heard even after a couple of retries. you rested your forehead onto the steering wheel, cursing silently in your head, having to get a taxi and call your mother about this incident. you’re sure to be receiving a handful from her, not to mention her soft but stingful remarks.

“hey, are you okay?” a deep voice interrupts your stressful state of mind. looking up, it’s sicheng with a concerned look on display. you hesitantly shared your problem, making him press his lips together probably thinking of a solution.

“you know, i don’t really know how to fix your broken engine or whatever but i know someone who can. let me just ring him for a sec. and you’re coming home with me.”

and that’s how you ended up in the front passenger seat, sicheng steering with one hand and the other rested on the windowsill. the faint music from the radio can be heard, probably a song by jon vinyl. you’d steal quick glances to see his other hand dancing in the air, enjoying the rhythm of the song playing. besides that, it was silent as both of you are preoccupied with your own things - sicheng on the road while you on your phone. he tried to make small talk but you would say it’s unrequited, only replying with short sentences. after a good ten minutes drive, the sight of your brown painted gate becomes a sign for him to stop the moving car.

“your car is safe with my friend so you shouldn’t worry about it or anything. also, what’s your number? it’ll be easier for, you know the car business of course,” he reached over to unbuckle your seatbelt, handing over his phone to you after. the close proximity made your breath hitch, the dewy scent of his perfume diffusing into your nose. not too strong, he has a good taste.

“thanks and um, i’ll buy you a drink later. just for today.”

“are you asking me on a date?” there it is, the significant tug on the side of his lips making its presence once again.

“stop being so narcissistic and move along please,” you rolled your eyes before giving him a small wave, stepping into your property. sicheng stared at the numerals on his phone screen, a small, proud grin etched on before driving off the lane.

“how was the camp? met any cute boys?” the first thing you hear in the hue of the blue monday morning is ningning’s chirpy voice. sometimes you wonder how she gets all boosted up at this hour of the day. yangyang is the polar opposite, his appearance as if he just got out of bed, the hood of his denim jacket resting on top of his auburn hair.

“it was good and no, no cute boys. but sicheng was there,” you replied nonchalantly, a mischievous grin crept onto her lips. you can almost predict the words that are going to spill out of her mouth.

“what’s up with her?” yangyang yawned, his eyes lazily gaze at you. you just lifted your shoulders, having no idea whatsoever. a ping sound was heard from your phone, notifying that a new message is received.

unknown: hey sicheng here

unknown: ur car may be ready tmr. want me to drive u there?

listening to your heart, you were about to type ‘no’ but remembering the fact that your parents will be busy the whole day tomorrow and yangyang is coming home late once again, you have no choice but to accept the lad’s help.

now you’re back in his vehicle, the same spot as before. you’ve only noticed now that a musical note charm is hung on the rearview mirror, a semiquaver to be exact. you’d say that it looks authentic, gold specks shining when sun rays hit the surface. observing the interior of his car, there are quite a number of small decorations.

“can we get coffee first? my treat for the car and the ride,” you suggested, looking at him whose eyes are focused onto the road. the traffic is quite pleasing today, nobody honking mindlessly at the other drivers and flipping each other off with the famous middle finger gesture. his side profile does look charming, some type of earrings dangling from his ears. if you’re going to be honest, his appearance does seem to be your type. you’re not one to say about his persona though, always managing to bother you at any time of the day.

“sure, wanna go to the new cafe? i heard it’s good,”. you just nodded while he skillfully steered the steering wheel, moving the car to the new destination. you turned your eyes to look outside from the car window, seeing the one hundred and one manners of the citizens. a mother struggling to take her child who’s having a tantrum out of the toy shop, a young couple having their romantic meal in the french cafe. the motion of the car stopping awakened you who was being distracted by your clouded mind.

from the moment you stepped into the place, the interior caught your attention. the light brown painted walls with black furniture complementing each other perfectly, making a retro-like appearance. the funky song playing faintly in the background surely is a mood-setter, just how you like it. even the barista serving you is being friendly, making a couple of small talk in the midst of operating the machines.

you would say that it was a pleasureful day for you. the exquisite taste of latte washing down your dry throat, getting your car back without too much babbling from your dear mother and the gap between you and sicheng closing in for a little.

the last sentence baffled you for a second.

DAY 3

sicheng’s eyes shot open from the short slumber he was trying to get - failing miserably even, upon spotting you enter through the door. he pulled the chair beside him in hopes for you to get his message and take the seat. a frown made its way onto his face when you just waved at him, making your way to another spot a few chairs to the front. he scoffed, head tilting slightly before approaching you instead. you shot him a puzzled look, roughly translating to ask him what he’s doing here.

“i just want to be close to you. now focus,” he redirected his eyes onto the muscular man who just entered the room. he’s a songwriter - the best one in this company to be exact. you were focused on each point he explained, making small notes on your laptop. it’s not always that you’ll get a chance to be guided by a four-time award winning songwriter, might as well gain some benefits from it.

“another tip i have is to use all types of chords. remember, do not stick to the same ones, you’ll lack creativity. for instance, use major, minor, dominant, diminished, and augmented. i promise you, more ideas will be flowing and better quality songs will be produced. you got me?” the questioned, earning buzzing sounds of positive responses from the hall.

DAY 4

another day of group work, you’re given the task to create a melody according to the themes given - for your group, it’s love. looking at sicheng, he’s already on his electric guitar, strumming mindlessly to find the perfect note to start on. the rest of you are now juicing out some thoughts on this particular sense of human nature.

“love gives us thrill, the feeling of excitement, the feeling when you’re uncertain about something but when you have that special someone with you, you’re sure to wing it all,” jaehyun suggests, earning nods of approval from the rest of your groupmates.

“you’re a pro at this, mr. romantic,” you teased him, earning a soft chuckle. a dimpled smile is etched onto his features, rosy cheeks and his eye smile making you fawn. prince-like visual and a sense of humour? a two in one package, totally.

“not really. i guess i’m a sucker for romance movies,” he rubbed the back of his neck. your small conversation came to a halt when you heard a crooked, loud sound coming from the rough strum on the guitar strings. you turned around to see sicheng gazing directly towards the both of you, a sharp one even. jaehyun just blinked his eyes before catching onto the situation unfolding in front of him while you’re still being completely oblivious. you tilted your head in confusion, unsure of what’s gotten into him.

it’s the day that yangyang has been looking forward to since the past few weeks, his dance tournament. you’re seated with ningning on the bleachers, music from the loudspeakers echoing through the walls. with the cheers of the bewatchers whenever someone captivated them with a trick or dance move, usually the risky ones, it truly is a loud atmosphere.

“now, welcoming contestant number 43 to take the stage,” the host announced, you and ningning clapped with all your might, shouting words of encouragement as well. yangyang took a deep breath before lifting his right hand up, cueing for the music to start playing. just then, there’s the sound of someone plopping down on the hard surface next to you - sicheng. he’s looking casual today, a light yellow hoodie replacing his usual dark clothings.

“what are you doing here?” you shout whispered while ningning raised her eyebrows at you.

“didn’t yangyang tell you? i’m here to watch him dance,” he countered your question before darting his eyes back to the boy who’s busy popping on the dance floor, tinashe’s song playing in the background. he ended his routine with a moonwalk, making his way to the end of the stage. you’re confident that he’s going to win the competition, looking at how precise and clean his moves were. all the late night practices he had eventually paid off when he’s announced as the second placer. nonetheless, he’s still proud of himself, not to mention you and ningning who have been with him throughout his whole journey.

“you did well,” sicheng welcomed him with a fist bump which he reciprocated back. you didn’t know that they were this good of friends.

“i’m starving,” he rubbed his hand onto his stomach, making you remember that your stomach has been rumbling since you only ate a cereal bar that morning. you were about to catch up to yangyang and ningning who were walking fast ahead when you felt a tug on your shirt, looking down to see sicheng crouching down to tie your loose shoelaces.

“you might fall,” he placed his hands into the pockets of his hoodies, waiting for you to come along.

“um, thanks,” you muttered out before catching the glances given by your friends, later teasing you about the scene.

roars of students can be heard coherently, filling the basketball court. the basketball captain, a tall one with black charcoal hair is shooting a three-pointer. the players are then called over to their respective sides for whatever strategy their coaches will be implementing in the third-quarter. the home team is currently leading by five points, knowing that the players wearing the significant red and black jersey have been training their asses off for a while now.

but why exactly did you come to the game tonight? besides from the main event happening in the moment, the other reason is now standing in his position, strumming his electric guitar producing a funky sound that vibrates through the walls - a cue for the start of another buzzing stage. sicheng has been bugging you about watching him perform tonight and after quite some time evaluating, why not? when he finally caught you among the crowd, he flashed you a flirtatious wink. right before the band bowed as gratitude to the audience, he gave you a gesture to wait for him at the back of the gym.

“you came! but seriously, thank you,” he rested the sparkly white guitar against the wall, enveloping you into a hug. this is new, you tried to hide the flustered state of yours as you reciprocated his movement. from the corner of your eyes, you can see a black-haired guy approaching the two of you, followed by one with long, white hair and a bandana nicely keeping the fluffy strands in tact.

“ooh, who’s this?” the first one wiggled his eyebrows, later introducing himself as guanheng, the latter named yuta. to your surprise, the bond between you and them are quick to form with guanheng piloting the conversation. not to mention his subtle jokes making you giggle at times.

“well y/n, your little boyfriend here is getting jealous so we’ll excuse ourselves for now. see you whenever,” guanheng banging his drumsticks into the air while yuta gave you a quick wave before disappearing into the store room of the gymnasium. the nickname they gave sicheng surely made you a bit shy.

boyfriend?

DAY 5

you’re seated in front of the computer screen, your chin resting on the palm of your hands and the tabs of different colours left untouched. you redirected your gaze onto the projector screen, the words ‘arrange, mix, edit and master like a pro’ on it. a long sigh leaving your lips, you try to remember what the producer said earlier.

don’t make the song sound too repetitive

a good buildup promises a good melody

you can have a certain instrument playing only on one part for cinematic impact

DAY 6

“i’m hyo and you’re,” she moved the wheels of her chair to the back a bit to take another look at the clipboard resting on the desk, “sicheng, y/n and jaehyun, right?” the three of you nodded in harmony, anticipating for the next order that will be given.

“okay cool, we’ll be brainstorming first,” and she proceeded to explain what the requirements for this project are. you mouthed out the important points she gave, soft rock, heartbreak and drums. you’re on a roll today, contributing your countless ideas during the first few minutes of the discussion. sicheng just looked at you discussing with hyo, your lips pursed slightly. his gaze seems full of adoration, even jaehyun said so.

“any objections?” hyo looked over to the rest.

“i think she made some great ones. i’m sure this project will come out fresh,” jaehyun voiced out his opinions, sicheng nodding after. he went straight to handling the instruments , you and jaehyun collaborating for the mixing process. hyo eventually chimed in on some times, giving small advice whenever you seem stuck in the brain. with the hours ticking by, you’re feeling more satisfied than ever with your earphones in, listening to the final product created.

all of the participants are then assembled in the hall again, waiting for a final speech by the director which formalizes the end of the camp. sure, you’ve earned worthy knowledge throughout the six days. but if you’re being brutally true to the sound of your heart, it would be how you came to learn sicheng’s true antics. he might be the cocky guy who thinks they have the power to do anything but in truth, he’s just some guy with an honest heart, honest intentions to know you better.

summer break, your most anticipated event for the past few weeks. the moment the last bell rang, that scene in high school musical 2 kept replaying in the back of your head, the students doing a parade in front of the lockers picturing how your little heart is doing backflips in your chest right now. all the beach trips ningning planned is making you feel dizzy. you turned around to a voice calling out your name from the end of the hallway, your eyes catching the sight of sicheng jogging towards your spot. he stopped in front of you, hands on his knees catching his breath.

“are you free tomorrow night? there’s a party at guanheng’s and you know, it would be really cool if you join,” his fingers tracing onto each other, waiting patiently for your response.

you didn’t even have the time to process his invitation when ningning crashed her body against yours, yangyang following suit.

“a party? y/n would totally love to come, right?” ningning nudged your arms softly while yangyang tried to stifle a giggle. you were about to mouth out a ‘what?’ before sicheng cut you off.

“cool, you guys should come too. tomorrow at 10,” he and yangyang exchanged finger guns gestures before leaving the three of you. you just stood there in disbelief, eyeing them up and down before ningning dragged you to the parking lot. a stringful of grumbles escaped your lips, making the guy laugh obnoxiously.

“i can’t believe you guys did that,” you extended the seat belt, buckling it to the slot beside you.

“please. but you do want it, right?” you can’t deny, what she said was true. plus, you should have some fun and distress before having to go back to the usual dull routine of yours.

“how do i look?” you turn around, revealing the baby pink crop top and flare pants on your legs. it’s not your best outfit but giving the cliche excuse - you have nothing to wear, the two articles totally complements each other

“you look hot, that’s all i gotta say. right, yang?” ningning lifted her head from the headboard, glancing over at yangyang who’s going over his messages.

“yeah totally,” he lifted his hands, giving you a thumbs up. you threw a jacket onto your shoulders and grabbed the black purse on your dresser, glancing at the wall mirror one last time.

from the moment you stepped into the venue - guanheng’s place, smells of alcohol lingered around your nose, a group of people cheering ever so loudly over a game of beer pong, some already passed out on the couch. not to mention a brownish stain on the carpet - probably from someone throwing up. the mess would take a whole day to get rid off, you note to yourself. your friends are no longer to be found, both of them getting affiliated with god knows what. your eyes scanned the living room for sicheng but his presence is still nowhere to be found.

you decided to step towards the kitchen bar, pouring a drink for yourself. the mixed sweet and sour taste of it remained on your tongue for a couple of seconds. looking over at the snacks served, you grabbed a strawberry flavoured lollipop from the clear bowl. the crowd is cheering loudly for some type of incident happening at the back of the room, the music has been turned up to be a little louder than the volume before and you’re suddenly getting a little bit overwhelmed. you grabbed your purse and stepped out, inhaling some fresh air and looking up to the starry night sky.

“y/n? where have you been?” sicheng approached you from behind, making you a bit startled.

“sorry, hanging out outside can calm me. where did you go?” you popped the lollipop into your mouth.

“some jerk decided to throw up in front of me,” you pinched your nose with a disgusted expression, making him roll his eyes.

“do you want me to accompany you out here?” he offered. you just nod your head, placing yourself on the patio with him following suit. the sweetening flavour empowering your senses. it’s definitely much more calm out here, allowing you to clear up your mind. it’s not that you hate the atmosphere in the house right now, you’re just not in the mood.

“you know, you look pretty,” you turned around to meet his face. his brown eyes brimming with unconfessed love.

“shut up, stop with the jokes,” you lightly land a smack on his arms.

“what if i say i’m not joking?” he looked straight into your eyes, trying to find any emotion inside you. the sudden seriousness is making you feel much more awkward so you forced out a laugh, turning your attention right back upwards. the stars are shining brightly tonight, you can almost spot a constellation.

“i know what you’re doing, dong sicheng. just stop it already, it’s not working on me.” denial, that’s what you’re experiencing in the hot minute.

a gentle tug can be felt on your wrist, his eyes still not leaving yours.

“didn’t anyone tell you before? you’re really pretty. like, i can’t even describe it to you. you’re just,” he leaned over to caress your cheeks, “pretty,”.

what jaehyun said on the other day is true, after all.

love gives us thrill, the feeling of excitement, the feeling when you’re uncertain about something but when you have that special someone with you, you’re sure to wing it all.

your heart is beating so fast, it could fall out of your chest at any moment now. even the faint music blasting through the speakers inside the house can’t flush down the sound of your heartbeat. you’re not used to this, the sudden need of the significant skin to skin contact that symbolizes love between two individuals.

“can i?” his face in a very near proximity from yours, whispering into your right ear with his honey-like voice. you pulled the candy away from your mouth and nod, giving him the approval he needed before he dived in. heat rose from your stomach to your chest. you could only focus on how soft his crimson lips felt on yours, invading your privacy by all senses. you felt the kiss expand beyond your bodies, whirling you round, swirling you into the stars. he pulled away with a soft smile, you thought you could melt right then and there.

“wow,” that was the only word escaping your throat. your jumping heart still hasn’t settled down yet, your very first kiss still feeling surreal. you could see that sicheng is very much mirroring your emotions, his slender fingers grazing over his lips - the one that has come in contact with yours.

“the strawberry lollipop is sweet,” he commented, making the both of you laugh.

a ping from your phone awakened you from the gushy eye contact with him, unlocking it only to find yangyang’s text message. the second part of it made you fluster.

yang: yo r u coming in or what? and congrats for the kiss, we thought we’d have to wait longer for this

[peppertaemint]

So I’m kind of mad because I’m a new BTS fan (I rather not identify as Army cos I just don’t think I fit that mentality) and I’m beginning to feel like I missed their best years?? Not only music-wise but personality-wise as well. Does anyone else feel this way? I look at Vlives and interviews from the past and yes they were probably heavily monitored even then but there was also some degree of spontaneity and their individual personalities really shone through. Now I feel like it’s the same repetitive lines from a script every time they are interviewed and even their behavior in vlives (whenever they could be bothered to do one) seems faker and more robotic. Sometimes they manage to show sparks of their old selves but very rarely nowadays. The only person who still comes across as genuine to me in his interactions with fans is jungkook on his intagram stories, and I bet they’re going to stop those too soon enough. Taehyung also tries, bIess his heart, but there still seems to be something lacking. Jimin is my bias but even I can admit that all we see from him of late (the rare times we even see him) is a carefully crafted idol persona. Even when they claim to be “acting so natural! Wow army we’re not acting like celebrities at all!!” It comes across planned and scripted. I feel so sad and robbed. Maybe it’s the price of their increased popularity and scrutiny, maybe it’s unfair of me to want more, but it honestly sucks. Makes it even worse that they seem to be completely out of inspiration (except when making music for other ppl. I see you Suga) and are focused mostly on charting and awards as opposed to art.And they will likely never know how short they are selling themselves because Army will literally empty their bank accounts for a turd with the BTS logo stamped on it. Hybe will never change their strategy if they keep getting validated financially, the boys will never consider re-evaluating or improving their art if ARMY pukes glitter and rainbows at everything they put out regardless of how bad. I have a tiny glimmer of hope because I have seen more fans openly expressing their dissatisfaction about this upcoming comeback than I ever did before, so maybe there will be just enough of a dip in the sales to cause HYBE to step up their game. A more rational part of me knows however that the sales are going to be through the roof and things are only going to get worse for BTS artistically.

Hi Anon,

I can relate to how you're feeling. When I started paying attention to them, there was this brief period where things felt really buzzy and exciting. The Vlives were spontaneous and funny, their fashion was A+ and Dynamite was this one off that no one expected would become their dominant style. When BE came out, even tho I didn't like the music (except maybe Stay which idk is still kind ehn), the entire thing of it felt like a step in the right direction. I looked back at the editorial shoots that Tae organized the other day, and they are really good. Probably the last time they looked that good. 👁👄👁

BH doesn't seem to be a place where individuality creativity and personality is allowed to flourish, warts and all. I add in that last bit because at some other kpop labels, we see a lot more imperfection and individuality. People trying things and reflecting on it, success or failure. You also see more genuine interactions between artists. Men working with women, people having disagreements or arguments then resolving them. People trolling one another, lol. With BH brands, because I do sense this with TXT too, unfortunately, things feel neutered to a degree. Though watching TXT be bratty en masse is rather something LOL. The company culture is different at BH/Hybe, and it does feel like even BTS are still tip-toeing. They're in their 9th year now. In SHINee's 7th year (I hope I'm mathing right, lol), they signed a contract that gave them huge freedom and last approval above the board. Jonghyun and the others had been writing songs for a while, but with ODD etc, things became that much more artistic and "shinee". For whatever reason, I still don't see this happening with BTS. Instead, things are becoming well... whatever Butter, PTD and collabs are. Top 40 Billboard pop.

[kyotakumrau]

2021.03.10 USEN STUDIO COAST 2nd session with Toshiya and Kyo

Fujieda and Takabayashi again came on stage when the tables were ready and after greeting everyone and introducing themselves F asked fans to give band members a loud applause👏

Toshiya and Kyo came back and they both changed for the second session!

Unconfirmed until DIRT announcement, but most likely T was wearing DIRT items: light grey cardigan and black and white floral print set, top and bottom, with a thick white stripe with black frame on the sides. Plus sunglasses.

Kyo was wearing Madaraningen, MANG white shirt with the tie and black slacks, white socks with colorful accent, gold choice of Madara jewellery. And big glasses.

They sat in the same order as for the 1st session.→F K T Ta

T: I'm Toshiya, yoroshiku onegaishimasu

K: I'm Kyo.

The whole time during the 1st session K was turned slightly to the right, but during the 2nd session he was basically sitting facing F.

F: (after he talked about Rock-May-Kan footage) It's the first time you performed Ochita koto no aru sora. Did you have any trouble with it?

T: hm. Chorus is hard.

F: continues fast.

T: yeah. But you just practice and get used to playing it.

F: Shinya said that thanks to the rehearsal you did as the rhythm section songs he got them back quickly.

T: I see. He should be grateful😆

F: How about you, K? Any trouble?

K: don't know (he's looking to the left side of the venue)

F: you've only performed it once.

K: wah! (still intensely looking at the left wall of the venue or somewhere that direction)

F: 😱?! why are you looking there?? Can you see anything?!

K: thingy there is moving and moving...

F: whaaaaat, don't scare us like that!

K: ... (he continued to look there).

👻？😂

F: Didn't you play Jealous first time in a really long time? Wasn't it hard?

T: it wasn't a big surprise, we were planning it originally for the SOGAI tour.

F: the cancelled tour.

T: We were waiting until the last moment to see if we can go on with it or we have to cancel, so we had the proper rehearsal for the tour. So when rehearsing it for Rock-May-Kan show it didn't feel like it's been a long time.

F: K you said it was embarrassing to remember and perform it?

K made the 'robot move' from PV with a totally blank face😂

F: you also played Umbrella, so will you be playing more old songs?

K: Anything is okay except 'Toriko'. There's a drums solo in the end, it's so long and the switch to the next song gets so confusing.

T: How about we leave S and just go?

😂

Then they talked how Shinya fans and other fans would react.

K: Wouldn't fans be troubled with [he made the robot move]?

😆

F: you T don't mind old songs?

T: they're fine/no problem.

F moved the talk to the flyer and their new artist photo.

K: Auspicious/celebrating. Like New Year. And osechi.

F: I see, if using food to explain it's like osechi.

F: How was the filming of the PV?

T: Really long. But speaking of refreshing/Sawayaka, do you know the hamburger shop with that name?

F: it's in Shizuoka (F then again got very enthusiastic talking about how delicious is the meat there, how very juicy etc)

T: so PV is like that (like a juicy meat😂).

F: the single cover art is very unexpected for you.

K: I know and like this artist from before, I asked her to do it for us. I really like it.

After that was time for the merchandise topic. F announced that he confirmed that the rechargeable heat pack can also work as a charger/power bank. K who asked about it in Yokohama and was then told that no, it's just a heat pack just gave him such a look. F, you're not gonna get out of this alive😂

K: ...it'd be such a good item in winter, so it's for the next one? We don't sell it in winter, only for warm season. Wow, heat pack for the warm season...

/s by K👌💯

F started to enthusiastically advertise the towel saying like a muffler it can be worn on a cold day to keep you warm, and K...😂

But T was also poking so much fun at F with his reactions, 'oh I see! Wow!' 😂

T: I think we haven't had wristbands in a while.

K: what are you actually supposed to do with it?

F: you can wipe the sweat off (he gestured wiping sweat from his brow)?

K: I see. Then what about the towel then? (he also gestured using a towel with one hand and a wristband with the other at the same time [kinda like the Jealous robot move], the look he gave F and that pause when he waited for F to dare to answer, oh my, F, you're so dead🤣)

But T and Ta said that guitarists actually use it to keep sweat off their hands etc.

K: so with all of these fans are settled for the show at Tokyo Garden Theater?  (F was nodding to all listed items) These and the ticket and we're good? And the train ticket? Ah no, commuter pass? What should they wear? (F: The hoodie) But then we don't sell any bottoms, should fans go without any pants? What? But we have two items to wipe sweat!

F: fans can bring the travel pouch, usb, they all fit perfectly in the bag! All good items especially if you come from outside of Tokyo.

K: and no bottoms😆

F: well, they need extra money for the ticket and their own bottoms.💦

F also advertised venue limited edition of Ochita.

K: so there are no plans for normal sale? When it gets sold out that's it?

F: yeah.

(it's contradictory with Kaoru's tweet, not sure if I trust F😂)

After that we moved to the section with questions from fans. F as usual split the papers so everyone got some, K this time didn't even read them, just putting them in F's pile😂 but then he was leaning over all the time trying to read what F was looking at😁

F said there many questions about where T stands on the seat choice.

T: on shinkansen I prefer window, on the airplane aisle.

F: why?

T: if I need to stand up to go to toilet etc it's easier.

F: but on the train you prefer a nice view, I see. Shinya said he prefers window seat any time.

T: He's a kid.

F then told her about the rest of the seat preference story (table down idea and S not needing to stand up at all).

F: "are you okay with the pineapple in a sweet and sour pork? Is there any food you're not okay with?"

K: I don't mind. I don't like milk and coriander. But there's something, not exactly food, that I totally hate. You know when you go to a shushi restaurant, conveyor belt sushi, there's alcohol to clean your hands. (K then said if there's a perfume like smell in it you can't enjoy food or something like that).

K (looking at the venue wall calmly): oh it moved.

F: WHAT??!😱

😂

T: I don't mind the pineapple, it's actually very good to help make meat more tender

F: Is there any food you hate, T?

T: The food F doesn't like.

(does it exist??😂)

K: F, you have to understand pineapple's feelings.

F:

K: I thought you F would get pineapple's feelings.

F: I'll try to step in pineapple's shoes...

K: Pineapple is often disliked, but it's being helpful...

K tried to sway F a bit more into becoming a pineapple...

Ta: I'm ok with it, pineapple's feelings are safe.

T: "please tell us F's one good point and one thing you would like him to improve". F is so popular.

F: Not at all😅

K: despite the pineapple...

F: so, T?

T: He can appreciate food/has good appetite, is energetic. Something to fix is that he answers everything with そうっすね/yeahsure

F: K said something similar.

T: About Tooru (he used Takabayashi's given name), he's very good at laying groundwork for projects. Something to improve... well, when I think of something I'll let you know (to Ta).

Ta: Anytime.

K: Ta's good point, he does his job in a matter of fact manner. He doesn't exactly has something to fix, but he can't eat cheese, so fe when we go abroad he can't have pizza.

K: there are so many things F should fix.

F: That ﾊｲﾊｲﾊｲ・yeahyeahyeah

K: ...🙃 just answer with one proper はい

K also complained again about F's eating manners that he opens his mouth too much when eating, sometimes also will turn his head when eating ramen like it's easier to eat (K demostrated F eating posture, arms high and head turned - a bit like Jealous robot pose😆)

F: any good points?😆

K: ...hm. You make every place comfortable. I can relax with you, I wouldn't be speaking at all if you weren't here.

Both fans and F went 'Aaaaaw😊'

Ta: "are there any electronic goods you want right now?"

K: ...hm, solar panels.

F: does that count as electronic goods?

K: isn't it electronic? I want one you can put on the roof and make your own power.

T: yeah, solar panels would be nice.

K: And you can sell electricity to power companies. It's expensive at first, but after 10 years you can start make money, also you can use it if there's an earthquake.

F: can we get it at the store?

K: Why not, you could carry it home on your back!

F: Maybe not...

K: Can I put one on you F?

F: No.

K: then tattoo the giraffe on you, one long giraffe stretching from neck to knees.

F: You like giraffes.

K: Yes (noded)

K got so excited about the giraffe, F won't hear the emd of this idea😂

F: " do you have a favorite female idol or singer?"

K: This morning I was listening to Togawa Jun, レーダーマン.

F: you T?

T: No one in particular. But ones from the past.

F: like globe?

T: isn't it wrong age?

K: globe is the band with Sam?

F: I think that's TRF, in globe it's Mark Panther and Komuro Tetsuya.

F: "how about favorite artist or band you like?" Or just music you like.

K:  I'm listening now to Sekiri (赤痢), an old female band.

F: foreign band?

K: From Japan, with 3 female members.

T: I just use shuffle, listen to music without choosing who to listen to.

F: It's a streaming age now.

T: Is it?😆

F: Ok we still have plenty of time, "what's your shoe size?"

K: 24.5, for sports shoes 25.5.

T: 27, for sports I go bigger, maybe 28 or 29. Boots are better just right. But why do you need such information?😅

F: Usually fans can't ask such things, like do you pull your hoodie strings? (?)

K: I don't.

T: it depends on my mood.

F: ok, not much time left now, we will finish soon.

T: but you just said we have plenty??😆

Ta: "what your favorite album/single cover art?"

T: to pick just one is tough.

Ta: S said that Oboro is in his top 5 now.

T: Favorite cover... hm... what is it, I know, MISSA!😆

F: it's cool, it has members photo.

T: it does?😂

K: For me its DUM. It really captured album's worldview.

F (unsure): are you angry?

K: S answered that Oboro is in his top 5 to the question what's your favorite? Why?😑

F explained the situation, that it wasn't to the same question, K just replied 'I see'.

And then when F just wanted to finish K said they should do all of the leftover questions, but without thinking too long, very rapid q&a

(and absolute nightmare to write down but so SO entertaining🤣 sorry I'm not sure about all the questions it was TOO FAST)

K: hurry up!

F: (something about some time in their life)

K: now, next.

F: what about T?

K just rushed him😆

F: food you want to eat now.

K: choboyaki

F: T, a fragrance you like (?)

T: Aroma.

F: sakura season will start soon, do you have favorite spot?

K: when is soon supposed to be?

F: T, is there something you want now?

T: No.

F: K, do you color your hair by yourself?

K: Yes, next.

F: Bread or rice?

T: Both.

F: what do you buy in convenience store?

K: sweets

F: what do you do first after waking up?

T: open eyes.

D: which convenience store do you like best?

K: Convenience store.

F: do you eat skin on the chicken?

T: I like the skin best.

F: (how do you deal with stress??)

K: stress.

F: T, do you sleep naked or wear pajama to bed?

T: Pajama.

F: (something about Oboro photo shoot???)

K did the robot move in reply😆

F: which style of clothes you like when shopping?

T: simple.

F: To finish, what's your favourite obento side dish?

K (gave F disbelieving look): You want to finish with this?

F: We asked others tok, everyone had different preferences.

K: what were other members answers?

F: for Kaoru green beans or asparagus, for S hamburger, Die... we talked yesterday, but what was it?

K (seriously): I like unagi.

(marinated eel is delicious, but also very expensive, so definitely not a side😅)

F: it's delicious.

K: It is.

T: is this really needed? Don't have one, just nothing that makes food soggy... Ah, but you know when you have a pickled plum on your rice, you move it and there's this pink spot with plum flavor? I like that!

Then it was really the end and time for the last comments.

Kyo: I don't have anything.

F: By this you surely mean you're looking forward to seeing everyone in May...

K (killer face): ...💢

Toshiya: Thank you for coming today. We are having a concert in Tokyo Garden Theater on May 6th, please come if you want to. Thank you.

[heybeybey]

Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

Pairing: Rivetra | Levi x Petra

Summary: Forced to retire from the Scouts due to a major injury, Levi thinks he'll be spending the rest of his days in domestic solitude. Petra, however, has another idea.

Loosely based on The Way of the Househusband.

Or: Captain Petra x Househusband Levi canonverse AU

AO3 Link

A/N: Okay I've had this outlined for WEEKS (no ending in mind tho) but I never got around to actually drafting it. But....... I had some time this morning and the inspiration after seeing this post so yay.

Thanks to @sleeperswakewriting for introducing me to The Way of the Househusband. It's cute and funny and DEFINITELY RIVETRA in another universe.

This is going be a drabble series btw but no assurance on when I'll be updating each chapter (My Royalty AU draft is glaring at this fic rn tbh). Some chapters will be based on the Netflix show but Levi's condition is a bit different from Tatsu's so it'll probably be loosely based at best.

And yes, the title is from the song My Girl. But I like this version since I think it fits Petra the most :3

Also also, we all know deep down that Levi wants to be a househusband so here you go.

- - -

Chapter 1: The Ceremonies

There was a time when his mind wandered to how his career in the Scouts would end. Levi always thought he'd die on the battlefield, just as he witnessed among his comrades. He'd accepted that reality, sometimes even waiting for it despite his will to continue fighting on.

For some reason, retiring has never crossed his mind.

"Honorably discharged due to major leg injury, incomplete spinal cord injury, and loss of right eyesight."

He can still hear the pity and sadness from Erwin's voice from that day in the hospital when they talked over where he will go from there. The doctors mentioned that his spine will heal over time, but his leg is broken way beyond repair. It's worse enough that amputation was considered at one point. He'd be good as titan food should he retain his current position in the scouts.

At first, he wanted to scream. He wasn't the type to show some outwardly emotion (except for when he's beating down new recruits or the three males in his squad) but being a part of the Survey Corps is what gave this shit of a life some meaning after he was pulled out of the underground.

Frankly, he didn't know what's next.

"Hey, Captain." Petra's sweet voice snapped Levi out of his thoughts and he forces himself to get out of his bad mood. This was her day and he'd be damned if he ruins it for her.

Levi takes her in and the corner of his lip quirks up. He feels pride fill his chest as his eyes strays a bit on the insignia freshly pinned on her uniform.

"I think I should be the one calling you that, Ral." He replies. "Congratulations."

Wheelchair-bound for what may be the rest of his life, Levi and his squad had to sit down and talk over what's next for the Scout's elites. The obvious choice was Eld, but Levi and the rest of the team were surprised when the blonde man turned down the promotion. He says that while he had the leadership skills and the years of experience that makes him more than qualified, he knew that he didn't have the same burning dedication to the cause as much as he'd witnessed in others.

Eld said that he'd be glad to support the next team captain instead. Oluo, while skilled, had often been too focused on his kill count. Gunther has a strategic mind but didn't really have the charm to bring people together.

So they all turned their attention to Petra.

To be honest, Levi had always wanted to promote Petra as his second-in-command. However, Scout regulations demanded a certain number of years that she didn't have yet at the time he first chose his elite squad. He'd never had a problem with Eld, but his and Petra's ability to synchronise on the battlefield is the reason why he'd always turned to her when he needed a second hand.

It makes sense in his eyes and to the rest of the team, even when Erwin and the other soldiers were doubtful of his choice. They've seen how ferocious Petra is during expeditions, but still had the heart to cry alongside her dying comrades. She's kind and helpful, but knows when a hard decision is needed to be made. She'd pitched in her ideas and opinions every time she accidentally passed by the officers' meeting sessions (she always brought them tea so she sometimes hear the conversations). This was often met with a surprised look from her higher-ups but having worked with Petra for quite some time, Levi would just smirk at his fellow veterans.

She's still rough around the edges and she definitely still has more room to improve, but the potential is there. He wouldn't have chosen her as part of his team in the first place if he didn't see that fire.

He wasn't surprised that Eld, Gunther and Oluo supported her, even when Petra was terrified to accept such a responsibility. Levi was firm in his decision.

In the end, Erwin stamped on his approval.

Levi was the one who pinned the insignia on her signifying her new position during today's pinning-on ceremony.

- - -

"Hey, Captain!"

"I think you should stop calling me that, Petra."

"Sorry. Habit." The ginger blushes slightly as she steps closer inside the apartment, basket in hand. "I bought something for you."

She brings out a few fruits from the basket, laying it down on the dining table in his humble apartment. "The farmer's market was on sale today and I had the chance to pass by before they closed."

"You didn't have to buy me all these, Petra."

"I had to use my pay raise for something, Captain," she jests. He wheels himself towards her to assist her with unloading the basket and they both work in silent contentment.

"So, how's your first day?" Levi asks after washing the fruits. Petra's face lights up at his question and the whole room seems to come alive as she chatters on.

"Holy Maria, Captain. I didn't know the team can be this stupid. No wonder you had dark eyebags after training us for years!"

- - -

It's been three months since he resigned from the Scouts. The new captain never fails to come home to the apartment he's renting near the Scout HQ everyday.

Come home? Tch. How delusional can you get.

He'd welcome her back every expedition and every training day. A part of him feels a bit of guilt gnaw on him when he sees how tired Petra is whenever she comes home, thinking of the time when he was her direct commanding officer.

"Captain, can I sleep here tonight?"

Now, he sees the sorrow and fatigue in her eyes. "You're always welcome here, Petra."

He offers to give up his bed for the night but she declines, saying that she'll be fine on the couch. She's unnaturally quiet, but he knows that this is how she typically is after expeditions.

They're both on the couch right now and she snuggles closer to him. Levi motions for her to lay her head on his lap, their boundaries thinning with every single visit.

He's quiet when he sees the tears start to fall from her eyes. Soon, Petra's sobbing and she wraps her arms desperately around him. His hand starts to slowly run through her ginger locks, hoping it gives her some comfort.

"She was the last in my and Oluo's batch." She starts, voice shaking and he gives her space to talk and mourn her comrade. "I wanted to save her... but it was either her or compromise the mission. I had to give the order."

"I'm sorry." Because if someone understands her better, it's him.

- - -

"Levi?"

It's the scout's day off today and they're all allowed to leave the vicinity to visit friends and family, or simply just to fuck around if they wanted.

Petra, not surprisingly, decides to spend another weekend with him.

"Hmm?" He's currently preparing their lunch, wheeling himself around the kitchen area.

"Did you ever think about settling down when you were still in the scouts?"

He cocks an eyebrow at her question. "And leave a widow crying on my grave? I didn't even have the time to date, Petra."

And he didn't even want to date someone else. Not when he kept having wet dreams about his own subordinate at that time.

"Well, you have a chance now, right?" Petra starts to help with laying down the dishes on the table. He looks at her, eyes taking in her body language. She's doing that thing with her hands again where she tries to occupy it with things to do whenever she's nervous. She's too tense for this to be some absent chatter.

"Just spit it out, Petra."

"What I'm trying to say is that I'm always here. In this apartment. Whether I'm back from training or meetings or expeditions," she starts. Levi wheels himself forward to grab their food from the small kitchen but he attentively listens to each of her words. Seeing that he won't be replying, Petra decides to continue.

"I like coming home to you, Levi. And I'm still devoted to you." Petra nervously says, the redness on her cheeks intensifying. Levi feels his heart thump at her last sentence. He stops what he's doing and looks straight into her amber eyes, the same moment as she reaches out to delicately hold both of his hands. "I'd like to continue doing so... if you'll have me in another way."

Bold as ever is the first thing that fondly came to his mind. He feels emotion start to climb up his throat but he never wavers in staring back at her. The next thing that came to mind wasn't exactly a thought, and the answer leaves his mouth with a certainty he didn't know he had.

"Okay," he quietly replies. Not much of a talker, as usual. Still, his sure answer was quite a surprise to the both of them.

Was it loneliness? That fear that he'd most likely die alone because of his automatic ability to push people away? Maybe it's some deep hidden desire to live a domestic life with someone—something that he allowed himself to fleetingly dream of while he was still in that underground hellhole—that he has since accepted wouldn't be in his future.

Until now.

He and Petra decided to have a shotgun wedding that same afternoon.

[hellothere-generalangsty]

I HAD A BRAIN WAVE MOMENT

DO YOU REMEMBER WAYYYY BACK WHEN EVERYONE HATED ASOKA? DAVE DID THAT ON PURPOSE SO HE WAS IN CONTROL OF WHAT PEOPLE HATED ABOUT HER. OK NOW THIS MIGHT BE A LONGSHOT THAT HOPEFULLY DOESN’T END UP LIKE LONGSHOT THE CLONE, BUT, IM HOPING THATS WHATS DAVE IS DOING WITH TBB. BEING IN CONTROL OF WHAT THE FANDOM HATES ABOUT IT AND THEN IMPROVING IT SLOWLY BIT BY BIT.

PLEASE IM DESPERATE FOR A EXPLANATION!

(also where’s my explanation about why the clones are white washed, dave? hmm? where is it dave?)

OMG LOOK.

It wouldnt excuse the whitewashing or the weak scenario, because he got us used to some good stuff now (tcw s7, Mandalorian, that kind of things)

But it would make sense - to a certain extent - to work that season as a "cliché team in a cliché scenario" and see how people react to be able for a second season (if there's a second season) to improve it

_

Disclaimer: I'm a white, abled person so I'm not trying to speak on behalf of poc/disabled people, but I think it's important to support them and listen to the critics they make about SW and it's content

Also this is quite long I got carried away but worth it it is!

I linked some of @rebekadjarin 's post here because I read a bit through her blog today and agreed with her posts; and I invite you to check out the "#whitewhashed tbb" if you want more extanded and developed information about that matter! (As my knowledge on the matter is still quite limited/ incomplete due to my privileges, and this post is more of a summary than a real analysis)

_

So here, we know that the fans are unhappy about:

- the whitewashing of the Bad Batch (especially since they proved they could animate dark skinned people/ more generally poc with the first seasons of tcw, Kanan in Rebels and the Separatist in the latest TBB episode)

It is a real problem and it shouldn't have happened in the first place. Even if they are different, the Batchers are still clones and it's really not that hard to show their enhancement while keeping Temuera's features and skin colour (I mean, look at all the artists who did and do it everyday on this app; no excuse here)

Star Wars has wasted a lot of potential on numerous occasions because they keep doing stuff like this; and it's quite ironic (and very sad) to see that racism, ableism and stereotypes are prevalent in a universe where people fight for equality and peace...

Here and here are two posts about it (if you're the author of these posts and want me to delete them from my post please tell me so; I took the liberty of adding them because I think they highlight quite well the issue and do a clear job at showing the whitewashing in SW/ around the clones)

~

- the way Crosshair is treated; both by the Batchers and the writers, he's manipulated by the chip yet no one is talking about rescuing him and we see nothing about the effect of his absence on the Batchers (they don't mention him, don't try to save him, and Hunter is more distraught by Omega's absence than by his own brother's)

And don't get me wrong, Omega is a kid and she's nice, of course they have to take care of her and protect her

But they also don't know her purpose; why is she here? She could be a bad omen (maybe she doesn't even know it! The Kaminoans probably didn't tell anyone about her real purpose and I stand by the idea that the infos they got about her are all wrong and purposefully misleading) and I have the dark feeling that she will be the end/ death of the Batchers by the end of the serie, even if she didn't wanted it that way

But Crosshair is never mentionned, except for when he's needed in the scenario. Which is a shame, because he's a Batcher too even if he's mind-controlled and (for now) working for the Empire. He's supposed to be a main character, and he's a key element to the plot; yet out of 10 episodes we saw him in only 3, and only the moments where he was acting bad (i'm excluding the lonely moment at the end of ep2 because it had a lot of potential about him fighting the chip but that was all we had and i'm still bitter about it lol)

Here is a post about it

~

- speaking of plot; I feel like it's always the same disk playing since episode 2-3: They have a mission given by Cid, they do it, things go wrong, Omega saves the day and they get the money.

Crosshair is doing bad guy stuff so no need to tall about him (haha right?)

Now. I'm a good public. I know when to activate the Dummie™ in me and enjoy a show about a found family doing crazy jobs for a criminal and raising a newly adopted daughter at the same time. It's fun, it's sweet, sometimes it get emotional and the animation is beautiful (the lights are amazing I am always in awe)

I can enjoy it and be in awe and see Echo sniffing food and Tech smiles and Wrecker playing with Omega and feel happy about it.

But I also expected more. I hadn't any clear idea because I didn't wanted to set expectations (how ironic) but I can't help but feel sad about the wasted potential around Empire! Crosshair and the rise of said Empire.

If you want to antagonize one of the main character, do it, but do it fully and do it well. Show us Crosshair getting really invested in a plan to catch the Batchers and suddenly making a scene for a tiny detail that could blow it up; show us Crosshair and Hunter fighting each other hand to hand after they disarmed each other, and Crosshair getting the upoer hand until something holds him back; just enough for Hunter to take control again

Show us a complex character who suffers but doesn't fully realise it, and show us brothers mourning yet hoping to get the family back again you know?

~

- the way Echo is treated by the Batchers. And as much as it saddens me, they do him dirty in the show.

Echo is a war veteran, an ex- prisoner and a disabled character. He went through a lot; first he lost the Domino squad, then he lost brothers on Kamino (including 99 who was close to his squad), then the Citadel happened and he lost both his legs, an arm, his freedom, his brothers and probably any hope to be saved.

Then they found him in that freezer, and he probably realised that, if Fives wasn't here to save him, it meant he lost him too.

Then he left Rex to go with a team of 4 because he probably didn't feel like he belonged with "regs" anymore; he chose strangers over brothers because he thought he couldn't find his place there. Which in itself is sad and problematic.

And now he's with the Batchers, and they don't seem to grasp the importance of his trauma. I mean; they always had the 4 of them and never lost a brother (apart from Cross; which is another wasted potential here because they could have exploited that trauma and made a parallel with Echo being so used to losing brothers and them experiencing it for the first time on such a personal level you know) and they do some crappy stuff to him.

Selling him as a droid? Not cool.

Brushing off his trauma for a mission and some credits? Not. Cool.

And Echo can't say anything because he chose them, and now he has nowhere to go anyway because Order 66 happened; and he probably doesn't want to be a burden to Rex, and he probably doesn't want to abandon his brothers especially now that Cross is gone and they have a child to take care of

But yeah there are a lot of things happening - or NOT happening - around Echo and his trauma and his disability that are wrong and people are right to talk about it

Here is a post I read and I agree with it

~

- Overall, the way the show and the characters are handled; they often feel very stereotyped/ cliché and the basic plot doesn't really help for character development or improvement

I read a post about it and it was really interesting; they linked the whitewashing of the characters with their abilities/enhencement

Tech and Crosshair are the smartest and the whitest in the group (which is bad)

Wrecker is portrayed as the Bid Dummie™ and he's the one with the "darker" skin and the features closest to Temuera/ Maōri features (also very bad)

Hunter is straight up a Rambo with a face tattoo, and Echo - and you guys know I love him - is whiter than a sheet of paper (all so bad)

Not only this, but there is no improvement in their personality or thinking

They don't seem to evolve, and just like their mission, they end up playing the same song over and over again

Hunter is the broody soldier and though people enjoy talking to him as a Dad (count me in) but he's not a good dad for Omega (he calls her soldier and is always acting awkward and uncomfortable around her)

Wrecker could be a better dad for her; but again they display him as a big dummie and give the impression he couldn't take well care of her

Tech is here to be the smart one, we only see him when they need someone to do the smart speaking and the complicated computer things

Echo is the grumpy reg, the "more droid than man" and sometimes the Mom™ but they never show him talking about the Empire or the trauma or how the I am not Freaking Out™ I did came back for this Shit™ he's just here to... Be here and be grumpy and bring the oldest clone wars fans to watch TBB

And Crosshair is almost non-existent.

Here is another post about it

~

What could it be then?

So either Dave is pulling a Ahsoka on us; but he'll still have a lot of things to correct and explanations to give because I can excuse a bad plot but I draw the line at blatant racism ans ableism (especially when they KNOW the fans and they KNOW what people want and they KNOW it would probably bring more people to enjoy and get invested in the show)

- If he's doing this, he will probably work with the animator to correct the whitewashing (because it really is the only really wrong thing in the animation, the rest of it is quite good to be honest like the light, framing and all)

- Understand that Tbb and Mandalorian are two different shows and cannot be treated the sale way; so he'll get back to the main plot and hopefully work on Crosshair's arc and hos his absence/ him being controlled by the chip affects him/ the Batchers/ their relation

- He'll probably work more on displaying the effect of their trauma; collective and personal, and see how it reflects on their relations (and give Echo the healing he deserves)

- By extension, give the characters more depth and complexity, dig their stereotypical surface and reveal their true nature (show me a ruthless yet easily overwhelmed Hunter; a smart but constantly anxious Tech, a very emotional Wrecker playing the big explosive dummie to protect himself, etc.)

Well, that's what I would do

Or he's just... Doing this and not planning any changes; in which case I'll probably do what I did with SPN s15: stop watching, scroll through tumblr to get some infos and gifs and tell everyone about how dirty they did the characters, and they did us.

~

But I really hope he's hearing us and taking our remarks into account; the show in itself had a lot of potential and I'm still hanging on the thin hope that the ending could "save it"; but I also have no expectations and am in fact waiting for a disappointing ending

On a brighter note, I'm glad the fandom exists because I see artists and writers and gif-makers and theorists and all kind of people creating and sharing their own content, headcanons, art, writing and they all feel right and better than the canon

Like yes, give me a in-character dark skinned clone who deals with his trauma and the sudden changes around him in a realistic way

Tell me about the real effects of the war on soldiers, and the truth behind the corrupted government taking over the galaxy, and the efforts everyone has to make to survive, exist and live together

If Dave and his team cannot do it, I know you guys can and that's why I'm glad to be here too; you give me hope when they fail to do so 💙

~

I hope I like... Answered this correctly? 😂 I got carried away but yeah, though I'm usually not vocal about it and try to enjoy it with my Dummie Energy™ I still see and read about what you all think, and usually I agree with you; the show deserved better and we deserved better

Now back to ignoring the canon and writing a fic about my very much alive and beloved Fives 🥰

[the-melting-world]

Strength | Side B: “Chasing Dials”

Art by @ligiawrites

~ In which a secretive barhand brings in the new year…

The Trio Appearances: Kipling | Khleo | Ozy

Arcana LI appearances: Asra | Nadia | Lucio | Valdemar

Track Origins: “Chasing Dials” by Blanco White

Not sure if this is the right track? The full album can be found here: Strength

Khleo is Non-binary and uses she/they pronouns interchangeably

cw: alcohol, implications of vampirism, mentions of blood

~  2.3k words

***

Fireworks broke and rained hot glitter over the southern border of Center City and Goldgrave. A handful of bartenders were off duty and on the move.  

Khlee von Heine walked among them. She was the only one who hadn’t taken the time to change out of her work clothes. Her coworkers were loud, merry, and prone to recklessness as they stumbled from one pop-up bar crawl to the next. 

“Another year,” Gabe managed to roar over the next round of fireworks. “Can you believe we fucking did it?” He took a deep swig from the communal growler. The night was far from young and the barhands had lost track over how many times they refilled it. Gabe reluctantly handed it off to the next coworker so they could say their piece.

Khlee hung back in order to stand under a wooden arch whose sign was eclipsed in dead vines. But Khleo had committed its message to memory years ago.

Der Biergarten.

The plot of land overgrown in weeds and other invasive species was still up for sale, to Khleo’s relief. Though it was out of the way on most of her delivery routes, Khleo did her best to stop by every now and then. Just to make sure no one had bought up the property.

The barhand checked to see that her coworkers were distracted as she stepped up and snatched a flyer with the lot info off the gate. She folded it up and quickly tucked it in her pocket before the arm of a good friend looped around her neck. 

Basil leaned on Khleo as he pressed the convex surface of the growler against her sternum.

“Your turn.”

Khleo playfully shoved him off of her, but kept the growler. She took a sip. Basil and the other barhands chided her — she was supposed to make a toast.

“Fine. Fine.” Khleo held up the bottle. “To progress.”

They made a show of peering into the depths of the amber glass. “Maybe this year we’ll get lucky and actually make some, yeah?”

Someone snatched the growler out of their hand. Gwendolyn? Max? The streets were too dark to tell.

Khleo’s friends were off. They blended in with the city’s bar crawlers as they chased down the next booze cart. People wanted refills that night, not whatever Khleo was about to say next.

Later when Khleo had returned to her apartment, she traded her work clothes for something softer and more comfortable. Then she dug through the pocket of her discarded jacket and retrieved the folded up flyer.

It was a short walk from her kitchen to the bedroom. There was no bed frame or vanity, just three lumpy mattresses stacked on top of each other that she rescued from the alley when she first moved in.

The room was already small, but it felt even more congested thanks to the uneven piles of text, of which there two types — loose leaf recipes or pages ripped out of cookbooks and cheap serial novels with depictions of bejeweled dragons on the covers.

The only piece of real furniture around was an antique dresser, the drawers of which were broken and jutting out like crooked teeth.

All except one.

Khleo took a deep breath before crouching and using both hands to work the bottom drawer open. Like always, it did not come quietly, but with a little patience and a lot of swearing, Khleo managed to pull it out.

Most of the drawer’s contents belonged to her late adoptive father, Hans von Heine. However, it was an unmarked jar that Khleo reached for. She screwed it open and tucked the flyer for the piece of real estate between old flyers and newspaper clippings back when the garden used to host events. The jar had cash in it too. Whatever Khleo could spare went into the jar. Most of it came from what was left of her tips after paying rent, bills, and whoever she needed in order to keep certain people off her back and out of her business.

Khleo sealed the jar and did her best to ignore the tightness in her chest as she struggled to get the drawer to shut all the way. Once she had, she found that her breathing had become more than a little unsteady. It only got worse when she heard the fireworks going off outside.

Khleo shut their eyes and leaned their forehead against one of the crooked drawers, trying not to dwell too much on where they were this time last here. As it turned out, they were right here, drunk and crying at the foot of this very dresser.

Khleo curled up on their side. Yes, tonight their head was buzzing from the alcohol, somehow both heavy and light. Yes, the tears had found their way to the surface again. Khleo was never one to hold them in as long as they could find the space to spill them. 

Things would be different this year, Khleo told themself. They would make sure of it this time.

***

(Lucio’s POV)

Lucio hated the smell of this place. Rotting and damp. It was hard to believe that they were still in Vesuvia.

“You always have such a sour expression on your face whenever I come to feed. Why so, my Count?”

The silky, sardonic voice belonged to Lucio’s host, Quaestor Valdemar. 

“Don’t call me that,” Lucio snapped. He wanted to fold his arms and stifle some of the shivers running up his back, but he couldn’t as long as he was hooked up to Valdemar’s device.

“My apologies, Lucio,” Valdemar corrected themself coolly.

Another shiver climbed up Lucio’s neck as he bit back the urge to say, I don’t want to be called that either.

“Tell me, what plagues you?” They added with a chuckle. “Don’t you like your living arrangement?”

Ever since cutting a deal with the scientist turned demon, Lucio had been living out his days in the lowest cellar of the Lazaret. When he was first brought back from the Devil’s realm, he had been too weak to demand anything else. At the time, all he cared about was that he was alive and wouldn’t be devoured by the courtiers.

Lucio glanced at the tube looping around his forearm, its transparent pathways already inflated with his blood.

But at what cost?

Lucio grinded his teeth. It was too late to consider that now. 

This was how it always went anyway. Lucio would be presented with an opportunity — a way to improve what he could not on his own. He would leap at it, no questions asked.

Why, after all this time, after all those treacherous dealings could he not bring himself to stop and think things through?

As the last of Valdemar’s toll left his body, Lucio started to wonder what his mother might say about all of this. But he’d rather eat another shitty bargain than go down that road right now.

“Your contribution to our arrangement hasn’t been as satisfying compared to when we first began.”

“What are you trying to say?” Despite his nasty tone, Lucio was grateful for the distraction. “My blood’s not tasty enough for you?”

“It used to be,” Valdemar said. “I’ll be honest with you, Lucio, I agreed to keep you around as an energy reserve primarily for that reason. The notion of devouring you in one sitting and having to share with my dear contemporaries was not nearly as attractive as the possibility of having your flesh to dine on whenever I needed to during this indefinite campaign in your current reality.”

Lucio hissed as Valdemar unceremoniously removed the needle from his vein. He wasn’t sure how to react to what he had just heard. Thanks to Valdemar’s mask, all Lucio could read from their expression was the growing crow’s feet at the corners of their blood red eyes.

“So?”

Valdemar applied a cotton wad to the puncture wound and dug it in with their thumb.

“Ow! Hey – Owie!” Lucio yelped.

“So, my Count,” they sweetly clarified as they kept up the pressure, “I need you to find a way to restore that vitality you once possessed. Technically, you’re in peak physical health. I don’t know if you’ve looked in the mirror lately, but the evidence of your tussle with the plague has all but disappeared from your eyes. Your hair has been growing…” they took a moment to scan their critical gaze over the pale blond patches clinging to Lucio’s jaw. “You could easily blend in with the citizens.”

Lucio swallowed. “B-blend in? Why the devil would I want to blend in?”

Valdemar made a less than human sound as they peeled back their mask and bared their needle-sharp teeth at the former Count. 

“Right now you taste like a boneless, gutless, gill-infected inferior breed of mackerel. And I prefer to have rare, mercury-rich, vinegar-glazed bluefin tuna. Captivity is poisoning your blood. So I’m giving you permission to get out there in your beloved city and find a way to sweeten it.”

The Quaestor gave Lucio a not-so-gentle shove in his chair. They replaced their mask as they straightened up. The former Count’s eyes widened as he covered his hand over his arm. The last thing he wanted was to piss off Valdemar. But he didn’t know the first thing when it came to what they were asking him to do. 

“What happens if I can’t, erm… make my blood taste better? What if spending time in the city doesn’t work?”

The Quaestor sighed, their emotions back in check. They were already half occupied with cleaning their instruments and storing the sacks of Lucio’s blood in a portable cooler for later.

“Then I will have no choice but to invite my courtier companions over for a nice potluck dinner.” They glanced up. The crow’s feet were back. “And you’ll be the forgettable appetizer that no one asked for.”

Later, when Valdemar was kind enough to row Lucio across the stretch of water to the mainland, they suggested, “You should find some people who are very healthy. Outside of captivity, fish are the most robust when they’re in competition with other capable anatomies.”

Lucio hugged what was left of his royal uniform – a tattered speckled cape – around his shoulders. He grumbled, “Would you, for fuck’s sake, stop comparing me to a fish, Quaestor?”

Unperturbed, Valdemar said, “We’ve arrived.”

Lucio lowered his hood and blinked out at the morning overcast sky. His top lip curled into a distinctive snarl as he recognized where they were.

“Not here. Anywhere but here.”

Valdemar gestured to the nearest dock. “Get out, Lucio.”

The former Count wanted to blot out the images of the slumped architecture and purge his nostrils of the stale watery stench. 

“Not the Flooded District. I can’t stand this place. Can’t you see that it’s a failure that I don’t need reminding of?”

“Lucio, don’t be so foolish,” Valdemar said almost tenderly as they nudged him out of the boat. “The entire city is your failure. Much of which is hard to see. Oh, but it’s there. Now go on,” they said as if encouraging a child at the fairgrounds, “go find someone healthy. I’ll come to retrieve you in a fortnight’s time.”

Lucio couldn’t believe he was watching Valdemar row off into the mist. He tried to take a deep breath, but the air was so bad that he just ended up coughing. 

Even though Valdemar had been correct about Lucio’s appearance, looking nothing like he did in the days when he was the Count, he still found himself trying to crowd off his features with his hood any time a resident passed him by on the floating, rickety streets. But to his relief, no one seemed to know or even care about who he was or might be. 

As soon as Lucio relaxed his shoulders and began walking with more confidence, the inner walls of his stomach suddenly contracted. Then he remembered. He had just given blood. Lots of it. Usually, the Quaestor supplied him with something to eat, but this time they hadn’t.

“Damn them,” Lucio hissed. He cradled his abdomen like it was made of glass as he tried to make his way towards some kind of common plaza. He had no money, but perhaps he would be able to find a dumpster to rummage through.

He was passing by a narrow alley when he caught a glimpse of the impossible out of the corner of his eye.

A lion.

Its coat was creamy and short all over. Its size was nothing short of mythical. 

Lucio was tempted to shout at the two idiots occupying the alley with this beast on the loose, but they seemed both aware of its presence and entirely calm about it.

One of them was slumped against the wall of the grimy building. Despite their threadbare attire and weary expression, they were smiling at the other. 

“No, Khlee. Please don’t. You’ll be late for work.”

The person squatting before the first seemed to be focused on the task of sewing up what appeared to be rips in a heavy cloak. Even with their short jacket, Lucio could detect the shape of their arms. Their brown curls had enough volume to hide most of the details in their profile.

“Nah. I’m already late. This’ll only take a minute.”

There wasn’t much time to take in the rest of their features before the big cat stepped up, blocking Lucio’s view of them.

< Can I help you? >

Lucio ran. He nearly tripped over himself getting out of there so fast. But he didn’t go far. He gripped the edge of a building and poked his head out, waiting for the lioness and her human to emerge. When they finally did, Quaestor Valdemar’s words from earlier echoed in Lucio’s mind.

Go find someone healthy.

Well, the individual strolling confidently down the street with a full grown lion at their side was definitely looking like the healthy sort.

At the moment, Lucio wasn’t really thinking about what would happen to him if he failed Valdemar’s taste requirements.

Right now, his stomach was hurting. 

If the body of this lion tamer was any indication, they knew where Lucio could find himself a meal.

[razieltwelve]

My Origin Story

I’m often asked about how I got into self-publishing. It’s something I’ve talked about in previous posts, but I want to talk about it again. It’s been years since I started, and I think time has given me something of a different perspective.

I’ve wanted to be a writer for a long time. However, I first began to take my writing more seriously in high school. I started posting my writing on the internet under various pseudonyms, and I gradually honed my skills. I won’t say I was good back then, but I steadily became less horrible. It still wasn’t something I showed to people I knew in my everyday life, not even to my family. My writing was, in my opinion, still too rough and raw to present to others, except via the anonymity of the internet.

Fast forward to university. I continued to improve my writing as best I could. In fact, I devoted most of my spare time to writing. It was at this point that I began to write fan fiction. Now, I can already tell what some of you are thinking, but writing fan fiction was honestly the best decision I could have made at the time. Fan communities are wonderful things. You don’t have to be the best writer to be welcomed, and you can get access to a far larger amount of critique and advice than you would get as some random lone writer on the internet.

My writing improved markedly during this time since I was now getting regular feedback. Now, obviously, it’s true that most fan fiction readers aren’t professional writers or critics. Sometimes, all you get is “I like the bit where people got stabbed”. Yet amongst all of the one word reviews, random hate messages, and simple but welcome words of encouragement, you do meet people who are genuinely interested in helping you improve. I’m talking about detailed reviews that can be pages long, covering everything from sentence construction to overarching plot critiques.

In my Honours year, I finished my first novel. Before you ask, it’s not something that I’ve published although I do intend to go back and fix it up one day. What mattered wasn’t how good it was. No. What mattered was that I actually finished a novel-length story. It was a bit of mess at times, but it was 100,000 words of original fiction. Sure, it wasn’t great, but it was mine. I actually printed it out and had it bound in a manner similar to my Honours thesis.

During my PhD years, I continued to write, and I began to submit my short stories to fiction magazines while sending out inquiry letters to agents and publishers about my longer stories. Over the four years of my PhD I wrote three novels and many short stories.

And this is where my origin story takes a bit of a dark turn.

Do you want to know how many short stories I got published?

Zero.

Do you want to know how much interest I got from publishers and agents about my longer stories?

Zero.

That’s right. I got absolutely zero interest from anyone about my original fiction.

That’s not a good feeling, let me tell you. It can be very disheartening. I might have thrown myself into fan fiction with a bit more enthusiasm then because at least there, in those communities, people liked what I wrote. Despite all the rejections from publishers and agents, I could at least say that in certain communities, my writing was well-loved and respected.

After bashing my head into the proverbial wall for a couple of years, I began to look into self-publishing. If my writing was genuinely good, then surely I’d be able to sell at least a few copies if I self-published. I wasn’t going to get ahead of myself and predict best-seller status or anything, but I had to be able to sell something, right?

I spent the next few months studying the market and learning how to make eBooks and design covers. Finally, I was ready. The very first book I self-published was The Last Huntress. That book was a labour of love. I pored over every sentence. I obsessed about the characters and the setting. I promoted it as best I could via the communities I was a part of, and then I sat back and waited for the magic to happen.

That last part, the bit about the magic? That was sarcasm.

There was no magic.

In that first month, I sold something like 17 copies.

All told, that translated to around $6.50 for me.

Staring at that result was not the happiest moment of my life. I did the mental arithmetic. Even if I increased my sales a hundred fold, it still wouldn’t be enough for me to make a living via writing. Heck, I could increase my sales three hundred fold and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Luckily, my years of unrelenting failure had somewhat numbed me to this latest failure. I decided to try again. The sequel and some other stories actually managed to do a little better, but that was hardly saying anything. It’s kind of like how if your leg has been cut off, you probably won’t feel the pain of a broken finger all that much.

After a full year of massive failure, my knee decided to explode because of course it did.

Cue surgery.

Cue misery.

Cue six weeks with my leg locked straight in a brace.

Sitting on my couch with my leg propped up beside me, I decided that I wanted to write something different. No more serious fantasy. No more high fantasy. My humorous fan fiction was what had first endeared me to readers, so maybe it was time to write something funny. Besides, it might take my mind off the fact that I had weeks of my leg in a brace to look forward to along with months of physiotherapy.

And don’t even me started on how awkward it was to have a bath or use the toilet.

I was throwing around ideas for what kind of story I could write when a scene came to mind: a necromancer being forced to beat his own wayward creation to death. All I really had was that one scene. It sounded pretty funny to me, so I started writing just to see where it would go.

Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf is what that idea became.

That book sold more copies in a month than all of my previous books combined had managed in a year. In fact, it managed to outdo all of my previous books combined several times over.

I can’t tell you how much it meant to me to see those numbers rolling in. It wasn’t a bestseller by any means, but it was the first time that I began to think that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t wasting my time, that maybe I could actually do this.

Things have changed a lot since then.

I’ve written more books, and although they’ve had varying degrees of success, they’ve all done so much better than I could ever have imagined during the doldrums of that first year. Humour, it seems, is what I’m best suited to, along with slice of life, and I’m more than happy to embrace that. I’ve even been lucky enough to have some of my books turned into audiobooks.

So there’s my origin story.

It’s easy, I think, to only remember the things that worked, but it’s important to remember the failures too. Writing isn’t an easy thing to do, especially if you’re aiming to make a living out of it. People can be cruel. You’re going to get reviews from people saying that you’re awful, that your story sucks, and that you should quit writing. But you’re also going to get reviews telling you that your story made someone’s day, that you made someone smile, that they can’t wait for the next book.

I wouldn’t be the writer I am today without those years of failure and disappointment. One of the most important qualities to have if you’re going to write humour is the ability to laugh at yourself and to make light of both the very strange and the very mundane. Moreover, a writer should be honest with themselves if they want to improve.

You can argue with reviewers. You can argue with critics. But you can’t argue with $6.50 worth of sales in a month.

I suppose that’s why I tend to be quite sympathetic to the underdog in my writing. I am one. I know what it’s like to put your heart into something and come up empty handed. I had that happen to me for years. I also know how important it is to celebrate the little wins and the small triumphs. Sometimes, they lead to bigger things, and sometimes, they’re all you have.

Well, that’s it. That’s my origin story.

It’s not exactly glorious. It’s filled with more than its fair share of failures. But it is my story. Mine. And that matters. Anyone who tells you that there isn’t some luck involved in the writing business is crazy. Luck is definitely a thing. But just being lucky isn’t enough. It takes years of hard work to become good enough to make the most of that luck, and it takes a certain level of idiocy/stubbornness to keep going despite everyone slamming doors in your face.

It’s a good thing, then, that I’m a lucky, stubborn idiot.

If you’re interested in my thoughts on writing and other topics, you can find those here.

I also write original fiction, which you can find on Amazon here or on Audible here. Also, just in case you missed it… The Sheep Dragon is out on Audible now! Get it here. It’s 26 and a half hours of fun, humour, and adventure!

[deliberatelyvague]

Please Eat (diavolo x fem!reader)

Started: April 4, 2020 at 10:10pm

Ended: April 5, 2020 at 12:19am

Word Count: 3,669

Ships: [Diavolo x fem!reader]

Trigger Warning(s): depression, eating disorders, self harm (cutting), stressful events

Author’s Note: Uh okay first thing: I’m sorry this is so long, it just keeps going. Second: I’m not sure if doing something this deep so quickly on my page is a good idea, but I’m going to do it anyway. Requests are open and appreciated!

—————

If anyone ever tries to tell you that RAD tests were easy to study for, the best thing for you to do is to either laugh in their face or ask them to tutor you. It might be because the tests in general are much harder than the ones administered on Earth, or maybe it was because you’re a human who hasn’t had any background to any of these topics other than the background taught in class.

And you paid attention, you took notes (when you weren’t distracted by Mammon, that is) to the best of your ability, and you asked for help when you needed it. You even stayed up almost all night the first time you had a test studying and revising your notes, rewriting them and even finding videos to watch on that subject. You had walked into the classroom the next morning, hyped up from (caffeinated beverage) and ready to kick this test in its butt.

The downfall of this attitude came when you looked at the first page of the test to not recognize almost any of the material, only a few things scattered here and there. You say in your chair, staring at the paper and trying to work your way through the questions, making the most sense out of them that you could, but it wasn’t helping all that much.

You weren’t surprised when your test came back with a barely passable grade, but Lucifer was. Oh, Lucifer laid into you for a good two hours, talking about how you were going to ruin Diavolo’s program, and that you should study harder next time and ask more questions. You assured him that you would, and he didn’t seem all too believing in your answer, but he let you be.

His speech stuck something into you, however. Something that you felt all too well in the human world: inadequacy. You felt terrible, you had tried your best, you had studied, but it still didn’t help anything. That night at dinner you heard all the brothers talking about the test, and even though you hadn’t done the worse (that medal went to Mammon, who even though he didn’t study or even pay attention in that class, still managed to only get a few point worse than you) you by far hadn’t done the best. Lucifer and Satan tied for that position. Asmo, Beel, and Belphie got somewhere worse than those two but better than you.

You picked at your food, not all too interested in it, your stomach filled with your old friend. You could feel Beel’s eyes on you, and then once you looked at him you noticed his eyes were actually just on your food. You took your napkin from your lap and placed it on the table next to your food.

“You can have the rest of my food if you want it, Beel. I’m not that hungry,” you say, and leave the dining hall, no one bothered by your exit. There was a sting of pain, but you quickly ignored it. You didn’t need to be their priority 24/7, that’s just ridiculous.

You went immediately to your room, sitting at your desk and looking over your test and then at your notes and textbook, to see where you went wrong. Turns out there was an entire section you had forgotten about, which was what almost the entire test was over. You made revisions on your test and slid them into a file to save for the final over that class, and started to read the next chapter in the textbook.

You idiot, you really didn’t double check that you studied everything? You don’t deserve to be here, you’ll tarnish Diavolo’s name. Worthless, they should’ve picked someone else.

You gripped the edges of your textbook, trying to shake the words from your head. You knew they weren’t true, but deep inside you, you couldn’t help but feel like they were true.

You tried to come up with excuses as to why you had just forgotten about that section, but you couldn’t. You had locked everyone out of your room except for Diavolo and Lucifer, of course, so that you could study. You didn’t have anything distracting you, no demon or phone (which you had hidden away in a drawer by the bed).

So you really just forgot about it? You should be punished for that. You know how to do it, so why not administer them yourself?

But you hadn’t self harmed in so long. You had been clean for multiple years now, and you hated the thought of ruining that for a measly test.

But it’s not just the test, is it? You have possibly tarnished the name of your beloved boyfriend, you broke the respect you’ve gone through so many lengths to build with Lucifer also. You don’t deserve to have either of them, or to be in this program. Just do it, they won’t notice. You need to be punished.

Silently you went over and got the razor out of one of the new pencils sharpeners you had bought a few days ago because you thought they were pretty, and they were having a sale. Moving over to your bathroom, you shut the door and locked it, bringing the blade to your wrist and slashing it a few times. You let out a small breath, an almost instantaneous relief washing over your body.

The dopamine that you had been drastically craving for so long flooded into you again, and you almost didn’t notice the knock on your room’s door. You quickly applied bandages to your wrists after you cleaned them, slipping the razor into the folded towels under your sink and pulling down the sleeves of your turtleneck. You were still wearing your school uniform, just without the jacket on top of it.

After being grilled for two hours and then having to finish homework before dinner you just hadn’t had the time to change. You stepped out of your bathroom to find Diavolo standing by your desk, his back turned toward you and one of his hands placed on something, looking it over.

You felt your stomach drop and you wanted nothing more than to curl up in your closet with a nest of blankets and pillows and just wallow in the darkness, but your boyfriend turned to face you, his hand now gripping the paper, a mask of confusion covering his face.

“I-I’m sorry, I know that grade isn’t acceptable, I thought I studied hard enough I just-”

“[Y/N], I know you studied hard for this test. You didn’t let me talk to you for a good three hours. What happened?”

Tears welled up in your eyes and he came over, wrapping his arms around you, one of his hands stroking the top of your head.

“I forgot an entire section from the chapter. I’m sorry,” You sobbed, and he shushed you.

“You don’t need to apologize, Princess. Sometimes that happens. It’s happened to me, it’s happened to Lucifer. Sometimes we just forgot.”

“But ‘Volo, I can’t forget. My mistakes look bad on the both of us, not just me. Imagine if that grade was worse, how tarnished this exchange program would be?”

His eyebrows laced together.

“Princess, your grades can always come back. One bad test doesn’t harm much, considering your grade in that class, it shouldn’t affect you much.”

You stayed quiet, biting on your bottom lip.

Don’t listen to him. He’s lying to you. That’s all demons do, lie. Are you really going to believe him over me, something you’ve known for so long?

You wrapped your arms around him, heat radiating off of his body. You didn’t believe him, he didn’t discredit that your grades could tarnish the program, so you would just have to make sure to study more. You could stand to skip a few meals, anyway. Then you could study and still manage to keep up your social life.

“‘Volo, no offense, but why did you come to my room anyway?” You ask him after you calm down a bit.

“I’m supposed to take you dress shopping for the ball coming up, remember?”

Suddenly the conversation the two of you had a few days ago came back. He wanted to instill some human school things, and you mentioned dances to him, and he was more than thrilled. He scheduled one for a few weeks from now as soon as he could gather the student council.

“Oh, yeah. I’m not changed or anything, just give me a few minutes, please. He nodded and walked over to your bookcase, filled with books from the human realm that you enjoyed, though some spots were vacant due to Satan.

You chuckled at him, going to your closet and picking out a long sleeved shirt and some skinny jeans, tucking in the shirt and making sure the sleeves covered your bandages.

“Alright, I’m good,” he turned and smiled at you.

“Beautiful, you know I love that color on you.” You blush and nod, taking his hand as he drags you to dress stores to find a base dress because “Barbatos can add anything you want to it.”

You felt bad, but then thought that Barbatos might enjoy something else to work on other than Diavolo’s issues.

You both decided on a simple long-sleeved crimson a-line dress, asking Barbatos to add whatever he felt would look nice. You had enough trust in him, and you’re sure that Diavolo will pitch in some ideas, too.

————

Your plan of skipping meals had worked well enough, you steered away from the brother’s questioning by grabbing a granola bar from the supply you kept in your room and showing it to them before you left for school each day. You packed a few grapes and other soft fruits for your lunch so when you were in the library you wouldn’t disturb anyone.

You had been studying enough that you felt confident in your next few tests in any classes, and your efforts paid off when you passed all of them. Lucifer seemed pleased, and so did Diavolo when you showed him.

You still ate dinner with the brothers when Diavolo didn’t invite you out, but slowly you started to lose your appetite. You didn’t want to eat. You’ve noticed how much trimmer your waist was, and how much clearer your skin was. You knew it wasn’t healthy in the slightest, but you felt better about yourself. And if you could improve your grades and lose a few pounds, it couldn’t hurt to do this for a few more weeks, right?

That night was a try-on for the dress for the dance, to make sure it fit you correctly with the shoes you planned on wearing and the add-ons didn’t take away from any place or attract eyes to any place you didn’t want them to.

You were met by Barbatos at the foyer, and he led you to the dress’s room. You gasped when you saw it. Underneath a light and on a mannequin stood your dress in all its glory: the red dress had black tulle added underneath to add a bit of volume to the skirt, and red flowers were embroidered to the chest area and the sleeves.

“Barbatos, this looks beautiful!” You exclaim, walking over it to feel the fabric.

“I told you she’d say that,” you hear your boyfriend’s voice, and you look over at him and smile, quickly looking back at the dress. “Are you going to try it on, or are you going to let the mannequin model it?”

You squeal and nod, Barbatos unzipping the back and leading you and the dress over to a division. You quickly undress and step into the dress and he zips you up.

You look in the mirror and frown slightly. It doesn’t sit on you like it did, and you expected that because you were losing weight, but you didn’t expect this much. It had only been a few weeks- maybe two or three- it shouldn’t fit you like this.

“Is something wrong, Miss?” You quickly look at Barbatos and shake your head.

“No, no it’s amazing,” you run your hands over the gap in the waist and the shoulders before stepping out from behind the curtains.

Diavolo’s face flashed confusion for the quickest of seconds before returning to adoration.

“Ah, that looks stunning on you, Princess.”

You feel blood rush to your ears and cheeks before Barbatos comes at you with pins, pinning it where it needed altered. He fit it so that it laid against your body like it had in the dressing room at the shop.

You thanked Barbatos when he was finished, and he brushed off the thanks, saying that it was his duty.

You walked with Diavolo back to your dorm, and he offered to buy ice cream. The thought of ice cream made your stomach rumble, but then the thoughts of how many calories filled it also came and you told him you were hungry.

“[Y/N], I asked Lucifer and he said you hadn’t eaten dinner for the past few days. I also find it hard to believe that a granola bar and handful of fruit can keep you filled at all. Why aren’t you eating?”

He had stopped and grabbed your wrist directly over where the scars were healed, but the skin still felt slightly tender. You winced slightly and pulled away.

“Princess, please. Talk to me. I won’t judge you,” he comforts after you stayed quiet.

Don’t tell him. You’re perfectly fine. You know you are. Why is it his place to tell you what’s best for your body?

You felt a sudden wave of anger so strong you wonder if there was a lesser demon of wrath around impeding your judgement.

“Why does it matter?” You snap at him. “I’m thriving right now, I’ve never done better in school and I’m managing to lose a few pounds. I’m doing good.”

He’s just jealous. He’s trying to hold you back.

“Why are you trying to hold me back? I thought you would be proud of me.”

“I am proud of you Princess, but you can’t sacrifice your health to make me proud. Please, Princess I’m worried.”

You roll your eyes and look at anywhere but him.

“Can you just take me home, please.”

His mouth opens like he wants to say something else, but instead just closes his mouth and nods.

“Of course, Princess,” he comes over to you and laces his fingers with yours, and you walk in tension.

He kisses you when you reach the gate of the House of Lamentation, and you part ways.

—————

You didn’t have another issue until the next night, when you were setting up a small nest of pillows in your closet. You had put a light in there and made it a perfect place to study, other than your desk.

“Hey, Normie, Lucifer says you have to come to dinner tonight,” you hear Levi’s voice call to you through the door.

You huff and call back that you weren’t hungry and you could practically hear Levi’s eye roll through the door.

“He said if you said that to send Mammon so he could pester you, so I think I’ll just save you the agony of that and just tell you to come now.”

You scoff and pull on a flannel, buttoning it up over your sports bra you had been wearing.

You open the door and walk with him to the dining room, sitting at your place. You could feel all of the brother’s eyes on you, and you could hear Asmo whimper slightly.

“[Y/N], what have you done to yourself?” You hear him whisper, and you choose to ignore him. You hadn’t seen any of them but Lucifer for at least 5 days and that’s what he chose to start whatever conversation they planned on having with you?

You look at the plate in front of you, it was spaghetti and a side salad with garlic bread. Coincidentally, one of your favorite meals on Earth.

You pick up the fork to the side of your plate and place the napkin on your lap, stabbing a tomato from the salad and putting it in your mouth. You could still feel the eyes of the brothers on you.

“Why are you all staring at me? Please stop,” you ask them, and they almost immediately diverted their gaze to their food where they started to eat.

You finished the salad and took a bite of the garlic bread, almost gagging immediately. Not because of the taste, you noted. So why had you gagged? You placed the garlic bread down before taking your napkin off of your lap and setting it beside your plate.

“You think you’re done?” You hear Lucifer ask. You frown and look over at him, your heartbeat picking up in your chest.

“Yes? I’m not hungry. I wasn’t planning on coming to dinner but you made me anyway,” you told him, and pushed away from the seat.

“No, sit back down. You’re not done eating,”

“Yes I am, Lucifer,” you shot back, but you didn’t move from your seat.

Suddenly you were overloaded with all of the brother’s pleas that tried to make you eat. You felt the room start to spin as you look at the plate of food. You could only imagine the embarrassment of trying on that dress and it not fitting correctly, of you looking like a laughing stock next to Diavolo in an ill-fitting dress.

“[Y/N], please, you have to eat.” You heard a brother say, and to be honest you couldn’t remember or discern which one it was. All of their voices were melding together.

“No! I don’t have to do anything! I’m not fucking eating okay? You’ll have to deal with it. I can’t. I can’t eat this food, I’m sorry. I’m leaving.”

You stand up from the table, rushing out of the room and to your room, fastening the lock on your door that even Lucifer couldn’t get through with his powers, only Diavolo. You went directly into your closet after grabbing the blade from the towels and shut the door. You were in almost pitch black other than the little sliver underneath the door, but you didn’t bother turning on the light before you cut into your wrist. But you didn’t feel the dopamine this time, so you made another one.

Your movements were in such hysterics at this point that you didn’t notice how many you had made and how bloody it had gotten before you heard your door open and a bunch of feet come running in.

“Princess,” you hear Diavolo’s voice.

“Please, make them leave. Please,” you whimper out, loud enough for them to hear. You hear a few pairs of feet leave and a door close before Diavolo opens the door, looking at your wrists.

“Princess-” he started, and you sobbed.

“I’m sorry, ‘Volo, I’m so sorry, I just-”

“It’s going to be alright Princess,” he soothes you, and thankfully the cuts weren’t that deep, they had already stopped bleeding when he rinsed them in the sink.

He brings you to your bed after he puts ointment on the cuts and bandages them.

He sits leaning against the headboard and brings you to his lap and leaning against his chest.

“Princess, I don’t expect for you to talk to me unless you want to, I’ll wait here as long as you need me to.”

“Are you angry with me?”

“No, no! Of course not. I’m more disappointed than anything. Princess, you know you can tell me anything, and I’m saddened that you thought that the only resort you had to take whatever you were feeling out was on yourself.”

“I didn’t want to burden you. You have so many duties.”

His hand came up to rest on your hair, stroking it and rocking you slightly.

“All of my duties can be waived. I can always deal with my duties at another time, but how would I be able to console you if you are dead? How am I supposed to help you, Princess? I don’t want to lose you. I’m watching you waste away to nothing right in front of me and I don’t know why, I don’t know anything!”

“I just feel a lot of pressure from school, I guess. It’s a lot of changes at once, and I was never very good at changes. Then I started studying more in place of meals, and I started losing weight, and I liked the results. But now I can’t eat more than a few bites of anything substantial at mealtimes, because I’m scared I’ll look like an oaf standing next to you in my dress if I gain any amount of weight.”

“Princess, you shouldn’t treat yourself like an object. You aren’t just any ‘exchange program member’, you’re my girlfriend. You’re the one I want to marry, the one that will carry our children eventually. You aren’t an object to make me look better, you are your own self. You shouldn’t base your value or how you treat yourself off of other people’s perception of you or how you think they perceive you.”

You stayed quiet for a good while, thinking about what he said. You leaned back away from him, looking into his beautiful golden eyes, bringing one of your hands up to rub your thumb on his cheek bone.

“Can you help me, please? I need help. I don’t think I can do this alone.”

“Of course I’ll help, Princess. Everyone will help. Lucifer, Satan, Asmo, Beel, Belphie, and I’m sure even Mammon and Barbatos will help in their own ways.”

You smiled slightly.

“I love you,” you tell him before laying back on his chest.

“I love you too, Princess.”

————

This was written by me in no way trying to romanticize mental illnesses. I try to write what I feel would help me in the moment. I completely understand that mental illnesses don’t just ‘disappear’ when you’ve figured out that someone loves you or someone helps you once- that’s why I don’t write what happens after in most cases. If you are struggling, please reach out to anyone you trust, or call a hotline.

[michiigii-writes-mysme]

What if the RFA+3 were in quarantine?

How would they all be like in 2020, Plague Nation?

Some #relevantContent that nobody asked for! I meant to post this months ago. And then I didn’t. You know. Like a liar.

These all take place after their routes end.

Zen:

For a little while, he would be kind of lax about wearing his mask or washing his hands, because he never gets sick!

But then he realizes that he could be a carrier and get MC sick.

So he becomes more careful about what he does with his hands, and always remembers to wear a mask when he goes out.

Money gets kind of tight, due to his theatre company cancelling shows, and production companies postponing projects.

Karaoke at home all day err day

Wakes up early to do workouts at the park before anybody else is there, then runs back home. MC is not your personal cardio workout, Zen.

He gets really extra, three days in, because he hates getting locked up. MC always sends him to get groceries, both so that he can get rid of some of his energy, and so that he can see people.

Posts a lot of covers online to keep himself busy. Considers making an JustFans account to make a little extra money, but Jaehee and Yoosung talk him out of it

Yoosung:

Gets a lot of studying done, at first. Worries how his grades and degree will be affected.

Gets back into playing LOLOL to take up the time. Eventually convinces MC to make an account so that they can hang out online.

His neighbours end up asking him for advice about whether their pets need emergency care or not. Vets are closed to non-urgent things, so Yoosung does his best to soothe their worries when small things happen to their pets.

Does some blogging for mental health awareness during quarantine. Knows how dangerous being isolated can be.

Gets into the habit of calling his parents once a week, both to keep in touch, but also to take up time.

Apartment gets super tidy after a while.

Mostly just misses having dates with MC.

Jaehee:

She has All the Zen DVDs.

Lots of movie marathons, either alone, or streaming with MC and Zen.

She’s more worried about business for her café, though.

Closed means no income. She has some savings, but it won’t last forever.

After a few weeks, she cautiously takes on a few odd jobs for Jumin’s company, just to make ends meet/help Yoosung out. The money is just enough for groceries and rent; she doesn’t take any more work than just enough to make what she needs.

She makes cute/stylish homemade masks in her spare time, at home.

As soon as she can, she opens up patio space so that she can work the cafe, again. She also puts up her masks for sale.

Jumin:

Works from home like nothing has changed.

The only new headache is reworking the company so that their nonessential branches still have support.

MC begs him to promise not to make any layoffs during the pandemic. He manages to juggle staff from nonessential branches to the essential ones, to provide work and prevent burnout, but it’s not easy, and not everyone is happy with the temporary arrangements.

MC is also a staunch advocate for ensuring pandemic support to employees that were affected by the virus. Jumin takes a lesson in loyalty to subordinates.

The truth is that C&R is losing money. But Jumin is more focused on pleasing his wife than amassing further wealth.

Mr. Han and the company’s board are not pleased, but Jumin is no stranger to doing things his own way. They only pray that business will go back to normal soon.

Saeyoung:

Most of his stuff is done in solitude, anyway, so other than wearing a mask before going out, his life is pretty much the same.

His toymaking business was always available online, so income is basically normal, aside from delivery wait times being a bit longer.

His main concerns are his brother’s mental health, and keeping in touch with MC.

But Saeran does better in solitude, and Saeyoung has touched up the RFA’s app to include live video.

Saeyoung makes some handy dandy sanitization robots. He also upgrades the RoboCat to include scanning for fever, black light to check for germs, and reminders to wear a mask.

Saeran:

You live alone, isolated in a little house with a garden...Saeran is Living the Life.

Nothing has changed, except maybe washing your hands a little more often.

Living. The.  Life.

V:

His hippy lifestyle now includes washing hands often and wearing a mask.

He now has even more time to pursue painting/violin playing/personal improvement in The Arts(tm)

Travelling is no longer possible, though, which he misses.

And he misses spending time with his friends. It isn’t good to be lonely.

MC notices that he gets a bit overzealous with his hobbies, if left alone for too long. He admits that he’s worried his old doubts and personal insecurities will rear up in the quiet and solitude. He would rather keep busy.

Vanderwood:

Nothing has changed.

Still gotta go out and do missions. Apparently, espionage is an essential service.

Wearing a mask is good for hiding one’s identity.

Wearing gloves and keeping clean is good for not leaving evidence behind.

Additionally, Vandy can avoid Seven in the name of social distancing.