#except that a lot of teachers don't understand this stuff either so oh well | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

0tivez · 2 years

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i love all ur posts so so much!!! thinking about being childhood friends with gojo/geto/nanami/toji and how protective they would be of you😵‍💫😵‍💫even if it was a no-curses au

jjk men as your childhood friend

note: aah thank you anon!! sorry this took so long to finish, i wrote it 3 times cause i just couldn't be pleased with it :/ i added an apology gift at the bottom!! anyways this is part hc/part scenario aka a mess cause i just couldn't do either by itself. also, i don't know how but these all sort of turned out angsty? just a little bit

characters: gojo, geto, nanami, toji

warnings: female reader, no curses au, toxic geto (not surprised), inexplicit nsfw toji (duh), mentions of p.e class, swearing

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gojo

⁜ childhood friend gojo was a menace

⁜ he would bite other kid's ancles it's canon

⁜ he wouldn't bite yours <3

⁜ he would drag you two into trouble all. the. time

⁜ you bought him candy every time you two would meet

⁜ he was home schooled so he didn't have any friends except for you

⁜ he moved to your school after you two met

⁜ he got popular pretty quick

⁜ he threatened boys to not come near you lol

⁜ would talk about girls all the time

⁜ knew nothing about games, he had strict parents so he wasn't

⁜ allowed any games (don't come at me with oh but he was spoiled he had strict parents that man is the product of a strict parent's kid left free in the wild aka jujutsu tech)

⁜ you taught him how to play mario kart

⁜ he would come to your house just to play mario kart lol mf would beat your ass in that game too

⁜ called you 'bestie' before it was cool

⁜ your mom loved him, dad hated him

⁜ at 14, your dad talked to him about treating you right and not breaking your heart

⁜ coincidentally, he left for a mysterious, prestigious boarding school without saying goodbye

⁜ who knew your first heart break would be over your best friend?

⁜ you got over him after years

⁜ you never truly felt connected to anyone as you did with gojo, both romantically and friendly

⁜ honestly, you never really thought about him romantically as a kid. however, as years passed by, you realized you had feelings for him after all

⁜ gojo had a picture of you, put neatly on his messy desk at jujutsu tech his boarding school

⁜ like, his room would be inhabitable but your picture would sit perfectly neat on his desk

⁜ he would often stalk you, follow you in the streets if he ever got the chance to

⁜ once you left for college, he completely lost your track

⁜ he got over you (eventually)

⁜ you two ran into each other years later, he was crowded with women. you honestly had thought he was a celebrity

⁜ he got MUCH prettier after puberty

⁜ he thought you looked as pretty as ever, though

⁜ you were angry at him at first, but aah it was years ago. he must have had his reasons

⁜ he did not mature AT ALL

⁜ he would get you two in trouble again, constantly getting yelled at by shop keepers and stuff

⁜ you couldn't imagine a generation gojo would raise after you heard he was a teacher

⁜ but the students loved you!!

⁜ especially nobara, though she couldn't understand why someone like you would ever look at a dumbass like him

⁜ "n-no, wait, we're not--"

⁜ you saw them a lot after, too, since they move around tokyo a lot

⁜ gojo would occasionally send flowers to your workplace

⁜ your dad still hated gojo

⁜ gojo flirts with your mom a lot

⁜ KQKSKKASK your dad came to accept him as he is. gojo often comes to dinner with your parents, so he really didn’t have much choice anyways lol

⁜ gojo would trash talk your exes

⁜ he would shit on you for having a terrible taste

⁜ somehow, all your dates would ditch on you? that had never happened before

⁜ one day you were texting this guy, next day he was gone

⁜ “that’s weird” gojo says “must be cause of your shitty taste”

⁜ “yeah not everyone’s perfect like you”

⁜ "i'm perfect? well, don’t stop there, go on love"

⁜ "not gonna boost your ego, nice try"

⁜ "well, i just think a beauty like you shouldn't waste her time on no good guys like them"

⁜ "what would you know about good guys anyways?"

⁜ "i'm a good guy! i would treat you right, you know?"

⁜ pause

⁜ "you serious?"

⁜ "aah, well... i sorta had a crush on you. sorta."

⁜ "huh."

⁜ "and i can't say i really got over you."

⁜ "interesting. i suppose you are also the reason why i never had a--"

⁜ "well i can't help it if the boys are scared of me y'know? it's just my natural aura that scares people"

⁜ you slapped him on his chest "you fucker! i always thought something was wrong with me!"

⁜ "now now, let's not lie to ourselves." he smiled, leaning down on you. "i always made you feel special, didn't i?" his finger now gently tilting your chin

⁜ gojo grasped your cheek with his free hand, hand light as a feather as his finger on your chin worked its way up to your lips to gently brush over them.

⁜ "cat got your tongue? lemme see." his finger gently separated your lips. he examined your lips thoroughly. finally, his lips met yours in a soft kiss. you could almost feel the fireworks behind you and the audience going 'finally!'

⁜ "so glad we got to meet again." he breathed against your lips

geto

⁜ met him in kindergarden

⁜ picks flowers for you

⁜ shares his bento with you during lunch breaks

⁜ saw your hair braided once, asked you to braid his too

⁜ this kid is super sweet

⁜ his teen self was a bit more… manipulative

⁜ your mom ADORES him

⁜ she already has wedding plans for you

⁜ your dad tries so hard to dislike him, he just can't

⁜ geto puts extra effort into having a good relationship with your parents

⁜ he would also scare boys away from you, and then blame it on you

⁜ SO, you would feel so down and upset, and he could cheer you up

⁜ no one else could cheer you up like him

⁜ he was your only shoulder to cry on

⁜ oh how he loved that

⁜ he taught you how to bake

⁜ this man is the perfect malewife, so naturally as a kid, he was a malewife in the making

⁜ super athletic

⁜ forces you to join him during p.e

⁜ he would keep you single to his liking while going around with girls

⁜ he was surprised that you weren’t jealous like he would be, you were just happy for him

⁜ knows how to braid hair, but acts like he doesn’t so you can play with his hair

⁜ “i have taught you this before, sugu.”

⁜ teases you a lot

⁜ "what's your type?"

⁜ "hmm... charming, funny, smart, tall"

⁜ "interesting. i know someone exactly like that"

⁜ flirts with you as a 'joke'

⁜ watches your weekly shows just so you can have someone to talk to about them

⁜ he tells you how in love you are with him every time you get mad at him

⁜ like

⁜ “i can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were talking with her!”

⁜ “i didn’t want you to get jealous cause you’re sooo in love with me”

⁜ “in your dreams, dumbass”

⁜ ice cream ‘dates’

⁜ best shopping buddy ever

⁜ you slowly lost contact after you moved away for college

⁜ you kinda realized how toxic he was most of the time

⁜ keeping you away from boys while he was often around girls himself

⁜ you still kept talking but it was just dry and boring

⁜ yeah geto is manipulative, are we even surprised?

it's what makes him sexy

⁜ AHEM

⁜ anyways

⁜ the calls and texts stopped after some time

⁜ you were surprised to see he had unfollowed you, especially right after you had posted a picture of your new boyfriend

⁜ "whatever" you thought to yourself

⁜ geto made sure to watch you behind closed doors

⁜ he made sure you were under his surveillance

⁜ you thought it was that easy to get rid of him? he made sure you would crawl back to him

⁜ who were you to leave him all alone while you were partying all day in college?

⁜ well, to be fair, you really did miss geto

⁜ your confidence wasn't high without him

⁜ this time, he wasn't there to call you pretty after a heart break

⁜ you crawled back to him eventually

⁜ connecting back with geto was easy but oh boy did he make sure you regretted every day you spent without him

⁜ the first time you met again, you made sure he knew about your intentions

⁜ he made sure you begged of him lol

⁜ anyways, some sacrifices to become his queen

⁜ you couldn't even wait that long to come back to him

⁜ and he made sure to remind you of that

⁜ "two years without me was too much for you, hm?"

⁜ he treated you like a queen. no one would dare hurt you, let alone come close to you

⁜ he made sure he was giving you anything you needed

⁜ he knew you like the inside of his palm

⁜ brings up your childhood memories a lot

⁜ would fuss about something childish you did. as a child.

⁜ yeah, your newfound relationship with geto might be a bit problematic, but he made you happy nevertheless

nanami

⁜ absolute sweetheart

⁜ are we even surprised? this man is perfection

⁜ your mom's friend's son

⁜ your mom liked him, kinda found him a bit boring ngl

⁜ as long as you're happy i guess

⁜ well as a kid, he was pretty asocial

⁜ not cause he didn't have the ability to be social, he just hated everyone and everything, even as a child

⁜ you were a loner too, so you two got along alright when you got paired in class

⁜ you loved his blonde hair. so one day, he cut a piece from his hair and gave it to you

⁜ kinda creepy but i mean kids are creepy anyways lol

⁜ buys you books as birthday gifts

⁜ he would do anything you wanted to

⁜ go shopping? great. go to the park? he liked the park anyways

⁜ at your home one night, watching a film, you saw a couple kissing.

⁜ "i definitely know how to do that" (untrue) "wanna kiss?"

⁜ he was your first kiss ever

⁜ "eww that was so gross! i'm NEVER kissing again" you shouted

⁜ "yeah, it's so gross" nanami chuckled, cheeks tinted red just like yours

⁜ you were a loner, but definitely more social than nanami

⁜ puberty did you well, so high school gave you an ego boost

⁜ when your crush asked you out, you ran over to nanami to tell him everything

⁜ he was happy to see you excited! you looked adorable with your smile all over your face, eyes shining bright

⁜ he wouldn't threaten boys like gojo and geto, but he would make sure to investigate the boys around you to make sure they wouldn't do you wrong. he would warn you to stay away if he got bad vibes from someone

⁜ you ran over to nanami after your first break up too

⁜ you cried on his chest for hours and told him all about it, he just listened and hugged you

⁜ "boys suck anyways" you said. "i hate them all"

⁜ "even me?"

⁜ you paused

⁜ "you're alright"

⁜ nanami waited after school for 'the boy' to have a manly conversation with him

⁜ his face stoic and cold, he gave a speech about treating women right (my LORD)

⁜ this is high school bruh the boy and his friends attacked nanami

⁜ he beat them all up no problems

⁜ not even a scratch

⁜ you saw your ex and his friends all bruised up. of course you knew nanami was behind it

⁜ you tried to kiss nanami as a thank you gift, he turned his head and refused

⁜ "you're not in a clear state of mind. i can't accept this"

⁜ EMBARASSING

⁜ he forgot about it quickly tho (untrue)

⁜ honestly you were so comfortable around him that you didn't even care about being embarrassed

⁜ you never lost contact since your families got along well

⁜ your mom often joked about you two getting married

⁜ "you know, that kento kid got a pretty well job! no wife at his age, gotta mean something"

⁜ "are you asking me if he's gay?"

⁜ "don't know about that but you sure aren't in line to be his wife with that big mouth of yours"

⁜ you weren't as close as you were. he barely had time cause of his work

⁜ he still called you every week

⁜ even if you couldn't hang out, he would find a way to be in touch

⁜ you would still tell him everything

⁜ this man takes a gossip well

⁜ he knew you would find your soulmate sooner or later

⁜ he knew he couldn't, cause you were his soulmate all this time

⁜ he regrets not taking your thank you kiss that night, even though he knows he did the right thing

⁜ one day, he heard the news of you having a serious accident

⁜ his heart felt heavy, a chill down his spine

⁜ he ran to the hospital

⁜ there you were, pale and sickly

⁜ you were alright, awake but sleepy (mom's spaghetti)

⁜ nanami had thought he would lose you

⁜ and god, he was sure he died and got buried for a second

⁜ your mom greeted you, thanked you for coming and left the room for the two of you

⁜ you left a shaky "nanami" his way, lips pale as your cheeks that used to flush with excitement every time he greeted you

⁜ you could hear his heart beat

⁜ he sat next to you and held your cold hands with his warm ones

⁜ he put your hand to his lips, his heavy breaths warming your hands

⁜ "what happened, honey?"

⁜ "dumb driver. not much. how bout you? left work for me, huh?" you took a deep breath. "how will the economy survive your absence?"

⁜ nanami laughed, not breaking eye contact for a second. you could see the relief in his eyes

⁜ "i think this is the part where the guy kisses the girl"

⁜ nanami's smile widened. he leaned over to you slowly and put a soft peck on your lips

⁜ "said you were never gonna kiss again, hm?" nanami hummed to your lips

⁜ "i like talking big. y'know, you were my first kiss."

⁜ "you don't say?" nanami laughed, drawing circles on your hand with his large thumb while sitting back to where he was. "you were mine, too."

⁜ he softly watched the redness rushing to your cheeks once again

⁜ "i would like you to be my last as well."

toji

⁜ stole your pebbles

⁜ this man is old so you will be old too hun you played with pebbles and rocks

⁜ stole your lunch too

⁜ your mom hated him

⁜ he would act like your home was his home

⁜ calls your parents by their first names

⁜ calls you by the wrong names often

⁜ he would annoy you a lot but he had a bad house environment so you gave him a slack

⁜ not many people did that to him

⁜ your other friends never understood how you could even put up with him

⁜ despite what people thought of him, he was usually pretty chill to hang out with

⁜ he was open to anything, so you would have weird adventures together

⁜ you would go search for abandoned buildings and explore them

⁜ he took you to your first bar, gave you your first drink

⁜ he even taught you how to shoot and fight

⁜ he had girly girly girlfriends, which surprised you cause you had thought he would find baby girls annoying

⁜ he would also trash talk your boyfriends

⁜ leaves without saying anything and comes back 2 weeks after

⁜ fails at school despite being super smart

⁜ absent all the time

⁜ fights with other schools' boys

⁜ rude but not a bully

⁜ never takes you to his house

⁜ "i wouldn't take ya there even with a ring on your finger"

⁜ crashes at your house a lot

⁜ your parents used to kick up a fuss but they got used to it eventually

⁜ he even has a set of pajamas in your room

⁜ introduced you to all his friends, not something he did even with his girlfriends

⁜ would tell his friends to look after you if he wasn't there to do the job himself

⁜ would often bitch about how short your skirt is smh

⁜ gives you his jacket if you two got caught in the rain

⁜ don't want boys to see the bazoongas

⁜ sorry

⁜ doesn't like it when you wear make up

⁜ "you look like a girl"

⁜ "if you don't shut the fuck up i'll make you look like a girl"

⁜ takes you to horse races

⁜ just the two of you, not with his friends like he usually does

⁜ even if he's in a relationship, he makes alone time for you two

⁜ one of his friends attempted to crush on you, didn't last long after toji gave him a deadly stare

⁜ everyone's confused, he definitely doesn't look in love with you. he wouldn't go slutting around if he was in love with you, right? then what's with the protecting?

⁜ the truth is, he knows how badly women can be treated (ahem zenins ahem) so he naturally wants to protect you from the outside world

⁜ then why doesn't he show the same protectiveness for his girlfriends?

⁜ toji has always been attractive, so girls would follow him around a lot

⁜ he wasn't interested much in them most of the time, but seeing you around him a lot made girls despise you

⁜ lots of gossips were spread about you, dirty ones too

⁜ well... to some extent, they were true

⁜ you did hang around him a lot because you had a crush on him

⁜ not from the start, you started feeling things after some time

⁜ you also felt safe around him. no one could hurt you if you were with him

⁜ you always wondered if toji felt the same way too

⁜ honestly, this man wouldn't recognize love if it hit him on his head

⁜ what he knew he felt for you was jealousy

⁜ he couldn't bare see you with another man

⁜ he hated all your boyfriends, he wanted to beat all of them up

⁜ he wouldn't even talk to you when you were in a relationship

⁜ that must mean something

⁜ and the thought of someone else touching you...

⁜ that's why he was the first to touch you

⁜ he welcomed you to his bed, you didn't complain

⁜ he was patient with you. he took his time to make you feel comfortable. peppered kisses around your body where it hurt the most

⁜ you wrapped your hands around his neck, his head buried in yours

⁜ "let's stay like this forever." you said. "promise?"

⁜ "..."

⁜ that was the closest you two ever got

⁜ and whatever that awakened in him, he couldn't ignore

⁜ just seeing you felt agonizing

⁜ what was that feeling anyways?

⁜ that's why he left once and for all

⁜ leaving his family behind was child's play. thinking about leaving you was the hardest part

⁜ toji isn't an emotional man and neither are you emotional, but just the thought of you crying felt heavy

⁜ that's why he didn't say goodbye

⁜ and now there you were, a fresh divorcee, washing her problems away with liquor in a rusty bar stool.

⁜ love wasn't ever on your side. toji had fucked up your standards so much that you couldn't find anyone to your liking

⁜ marriage was something you did on a whim

⁜ "eeh everyone gets married, right?" you mumbled to the bartender

⁜ "since that bastard left me, nothing's been going well"

⁜ is the bastard your ex husband or your childhood lover?

⁜ "talkin' about me hun?" a husky voice called behind you.

⁜ the myth, the man, the lege--

⁜ a... slap?

⁜ that's what you're gonna do?

⁜ i mean go off

⁜ "need to work on your hits, hun. i see you forgot what i taught ya"

⁜ "yeah it's not like it's been, what, 15 years? what the fuck, toji?"

⁜ "ah don't be so fussy now. c'mon, lemme buy you another beer"

⁜ this man knows no boundaries honey, he held your waist and sat you back on your stool

⁜ you couldn't even bare be angry with him. you were just glad to find someone to talk with

⁜ you two talked for hours. you told him what everything that happened after he left, he didn't tell you what happened or why he left

⁜ "no kids, huh?" he asked

⁜ "nah"

⁜ toji chuckled he bout to give you one bestie run away

⁜ "y'know what? i loved you" toji's beer and all the beers you had drank earlier has now kicked in. "i loved you, but you left. was it because i slept with you? was it your end goal? you fucker"

⁜ toji laughed loudly. oh how cute you looked drunk

⁜ "nah. i didn't want anyone else to touch ya."

⁜ "but you touched everyone else? how is that fair?" you took another sip. "whore"

⁜ "i missed ya, doll. i just had to leave. if it's gonna make ya feel better, i never forgot about ya."

⁜ it did feel better. at least he felt the same way you did

⁜ "what now? gonna fuck me again and leave?"

⁜ "i'm gonna get ya home and put ya to bed"

⁜ so he did. he changed your clothes, tucked you in, kissed your forehead and sat beside you

⁜ "i missed you, toji."

⁜ "missed ya too doll"

⁜ "how did you find me?"

⁜ "i didn't. i come there a lot, saw ya before with that bastard"

⁜ "he really is a bastard" you laughed to yourself. "will you leave again?"

⁜ "not unless ya want me to."

⁜ "stay, then."

⁜ "okay."

⁜ "stay forever. promise?"

⁜ pause

⁜ "promise."

thanks for reading! please enjoy my poorly drawn emo nanami as that (ㆆ_ㆆ) kid meme. see ya (̶◉͛‿◉̶)

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 3 years

Text

𝑭𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝑫𝒐𝒘𝒏 (𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒊 𝑺𝒂𝒏) 𝑹𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐢 𝐒𝐚𝐧 (𝐀𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳)/ 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞)

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐒𝐦𝐮𝐭, 𝐍𝐨𝐧-𝐈𝐝𝐨𝐥! 𝐀𝐔

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐌𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞/ 𝐭𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩, 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭, 𝐮𝐧𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐱 (𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧)

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟓.𝟓𝐊

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐅𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝, 𝐒𝐚𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬.

𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲: 𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐃𝐨𝐰𝐧, 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐉𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐭 𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐬

ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.ılı.lıllılı.ıllı.

Taking the milkshake glasses off the counter and making sure the space was throughly wiped down and sanitized, San's eyes looked up when the familiar midnight blue Nissan sedan, whose model he'd never given a damn to memorize, parked in front of the restaurant, signaling the arrival of the person working the closing shift that day. His heart practically somersaulted when he caught glimpse of the soft, silky [insert color] hair stepping out of the vehicle, the owner such pretty hair owning an equally beautiful face. While his heart pounded, his stomach turned sick when he saw the driver come out as well, going over to where she was, whispering a goodbye in her ear. To anyone passing by, it'd look like a normal couple, a boyfriend bringing his girlfriend to work and giving her a kiss, no doubt promising to pick her up later.

But San knew better.

His eyes always caught on to the way she stepped back slightly, her arm folding across her body when his hand reached out to caress it, his fingers no doubt gripping down harshly on her skin. She didn't kiss him back, she just allowed him to place his lips momentarily on hers before patting her cheek lightly with his palm and soon going back to his vehicle and driving away. He watched her take a deep breath before she felt ready to go inside and start her shift.

"Hey Y/N!" He did his usual friendly and warm way of greeting her, his smiling eyes and dimples putting a genuine smile on her own somber countenance.

"Hi San. How's it been?" She inquired as she punched her number in.

Shrugging his shoulders, he sighed.

"Same as almost every Wednesday. Dead, boring and mostly the regulars or just travelers."

She shook her head, already mentalizing herself that it'd be another day spent cleaning what's already clean and over stocking the merchant just to pass time. She went inside the office to put on her uniform shirt and apron. San in no way ever peeked in to see her cause he was a pervert, he respected her and would never allow himself to think of any inappropriate scenarios involving her. However, he would always sneak a tiny glance every now and then for one particular reason. Tilting his head slightly so he could see through the tiny cracked door, he watched her take off her denim jacket and felt his grip tighten on the glass cup he was currently drying when he spotted some purple blotches on her bicep. He immediately looked away as he did not want to get angry in front of her. He hastily put the cup back in the shelf under the counter, throwing the rag onto the marble counter in a rather aggressive manner.

"Ok San, tell me what needs to be finished."

Coming out in full uniform and hair held up with her usual choice of a colored scrunchie, this day choosing yellow, Y/N looked at her coworker and waited for him to give her a task.

"Nothing really except wait on customers. I already stocked the fridge and pulled out the stuff needed from the freezer."

He was always doing that, doing not only his side workload but also hers, which more often than not had her pouting at him.

"So I'll just be bored to death?" She huffed.

Chuckling, San stepped closer to her, making sure to keep an elbow distance from her, knowing she tended to get apprehensive when someone came to close to her than she was comfortable with.

"Not really. There's plenty of things to amuse yourself with. Besides.......maybe now you won't hurt yourself so much from lifting heavy objects..."

His tone lowered involuntarily at that last part. He knew very well the bruises weren't cause she'd accidentally hit herself on the railings in the back because she lost her balance carrying stuff in and out of the freezer. She herself tensed up a little at his words.

"Oh right......heh.....clumsy me right?" She tried to plaster an unfazed smile on her face, only succeeding about halfway.

Unable to control his movements, San's hand reached out to tuck some of the hair slipping out of her ponytail behind her ear. It hurt him to no end when she flinched slightly at his movement, he could feel her tensing up when his fingers made contact with her temple. As he squinted his eyes, he could make out the uneven patch of concealer and powder on the area close to her hairline, a tiny hue of reddish purple peeking slightly through. She relaxed when he finally retreated his hand.

"Just try to be careful and take care of yourself. I don't like seeing you get hurt."

She probably didn't know, or maybe she did, he was painfully obvious when it came to her, that he meant what he said in more ways than one.

"You too....see you San."

Once more, he held himself back from blurting out everything that was kept in his chest, instead opting for giving her a farewell and going out to the parking lot to get inside his red 1989 Ford f150 and drive over to his friend's house, the bunch of them waiting for him to complete his shift and come over to their place.

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"Aish seriously San, just forget about her. Plenty of fish in the sea." One of the pair of giants told him as he chugged back the remnants in his bottle.

"And you have a lot of fish waiting for you to reel in your rod so they can bite right in." His friend sitting next to him wiggled his eyebrows at him.

"Stop you guys." San pushed the blonde away.

"Mingi and Wooyoung are right though San. You have girls and guys lined up all willing to drop their pants for you at anytime. Lucky bastard." Yunho, the other half of the giant squad chuckled lowly.

"I don't want any of them though... you guys don't understand." San looked down at the floor.

The other blonde haired male in the room, Yeosang, rolled his eyes at him, unable to understand his infatuation for the girl.

"You've been pining for her since high school. When are you going to let her go? She chose and still chooses to this day Lee Taeyong."

Slamming his fist on the table, San angrily looked at him.

"Don't fucking mention that asshole's name near me!"

Everyone grew quiet, the members who were bordering on getting tipsy suddenly sobering completely up as if there was absolutely no drop of alcohol in their system. San was usually a very friendly and sweet person, but he was also sensitive and emotional, and lately he'd manifest it through anger and rage, and it was truly terrifying to them. But they knew he had reasons for lashing out like that. They knew his hatred for Taeyong, not just for being able to score the girl he'd been in love with for ages, San would have stayed content and wholeheartedly happy had she'd been loved and cared for like she deserved to be. But instead, he had to watch as she was constantly belittled and sometimes shoved hardly into the ground, landing her scraped knees or bruised palms. He could only imagine what went on behind closed doors.

"San......you have to accept reality, all of us do whether we like it or not. Her friends aren't blind to what's happening to her. Teacher's at university aren't either, they've all tried approaching her about it.....she won't listen to anyone." Yunho decided to finally say what everyone was thinking.

"She doesn't deserve it! It's toxic and sick!" He cried out in desperation.

"But ultimately it's her choice........ you can't force her to get help or leave if she doesn't want to. She's been with him for years."

Unwilling to hear anymore, San quickly picked up his leather jacket and stormed out the house. He drove the streets like a mad man, his fist hitting the steering wheel every time he stopped at a red light. He would have continued his angry drive back to his place had he not spotted an all too familiar denim jacket walking on the road. Slowing down the truck, he pulled closer to the right side and stopped right in front of the figure trembling in the cold night air.

"Y/N?" He rolled down his window so she wouldn't be startled by some stranger suddenly pulling up next to her.

"Oh! Hey San!" She said through chattering teeth.

"You're walking home all alone?" He could not believe this.

"Uh....yeah! My boyfriend got caught up at work....didn't want to bother him so I'm walking home...it's not that far!" She tried to sound reassuring, but he could see right through her.

"You want a ride?" He offered.

She hesitated for a moment, wondering if it'd be a good idea or not.

"Hey it's ok. I'm not going to kidnap you or anything. I'll just drive you straight home. We don't even have to talk if you don't want. Just you, me and some old jams playing on the radio all right?"

Unable to resist that dimple smile that always made her feel fuzzy inside, she allowed him to open the door for her from the inside. After giving him her address, she found he stayed true to his word and just drove in silence the entire time. She was kinda thankful for it. She was tired after her shift, exhausted from walking and from how late it was, and more than anything, she felt like she was going to spill tears any minute if she even got out a single word. She felt worn out, her head resting on the window, eyes opening and closing as tiredness began to overtake her. She only awoke when she felt a light hand caress her cheek. In other circumstances, she would have immediately swatted the hand away and pushed the face near her own as far away as possible. But she didn't do that, she felt strangely safe and protected by the male next to her as he brushed some hair off her face.

"We're here. Safe and sound just like I promised."

Safe.........

For some reason she felt anything but safe as she looked at the house in front of her.

"Thanks San." She smiled weakly at him as she began taking off her seat belt.

"Call me if you ever need a ride. I mean it. I don't want you catching a cold...or-or worse..." He admitted.

"Thank you, really. Good night. I'll see you tomorrow."

She took slow steps to the front door, San didn't drive away until he confirmed she was inside. With a heavy heart, he drove away back to his place, unaware that the girl he dropped off was watching through the peephole his departure, still staying there moments after he had disappeared from sight. She sighed despondently as she dropped her bag onto the floor, slumping her body onto the couch as it was useless to try to go sleep in the bedroom given the pornographic moans and thumping noises coming from inside it. Wouldn't be the first or last time she came home to such sounds. She simply curled up into a fetus position, falling asleep in the usual way:

Tears falling out of the corners of her eyes.

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"What do you mean she's not coming?"

San nervously gulped as his boss told him Y/N's boyfriend called to say she had a little accident and couldn't go in that day. He knew it was bullshit and he was going to find out what really happened. After going to classes the next day, he actively searched around campus for any signs of her or Taeyong. After asking around, a girl motioned to the football field, saying that's where they'd often go to at times. San squinted his eyes as he looked all over for them, finally spotting them near the bleachers. His fist tightened as he watched Taeyong once again put his filthy hands on Y/N, shoving her to the ground, making her land face first, her palms outstretched and scraping against the grass under her. He watched as Taeyong simply walked away, leaving her there, not caring about if she was seriously injured or not. Unable to hide any longer, San sauntered over to her, his arms picking her up from the ground.

"Y/N it's me!"

He didn't mean to shout at her, but having her scream and cover her head protectively gave him no other option. He nearly began crying himself when she lifted her head, her eyes full of fear and panic.

"Oh! It's you San! Sorry for that!"

As she stood up, she began dusting the dirt off, ignoring the throbbing pain in her ankle. Faking a smile, she giggled nervously.

"Clumsy me again, tripping on some-"

"Y/N stop lying to yourself. I saw everything."

Her face darkened at his words, her eyes becoming glued to the floor as she avoided his gaze like she did the others. She hated seeing their pitiful stares and shameful eyes, she believed San probably had the same look as well. She couldn't be more wrong as his eyes just looked at her in despair and agony.

"Why? Why do you put up with it? Why do you stay with him? Why do you torture yourself like this?.....

Why do you love him?"

He asked that last question more to himself than her. Y/N crossed her right arm over her chest, her hand clutching her left bicep as she gently massaged the muscle there. San knew it was the same bruised arm he had seen a few days ago, it was probably even more battered up than the last time he saw it.

"I can't......I don't know....."

Seeing her struggling to form words, San opted for gently hovering his hands around her, maneuvering and ushering her to sit on the bleachers without ever laying a single finger on her. Opening his backpack, he took out the mini first aid kit his older friend, Seonghwa, had given him, actually deciding to put it to use for once.

"I'm going to clean these scrapes ok?"

He looked at her and waited til she gave him permission to touch her. She did not flinch away at all when he began wiping off the dirt and blood accumulated on her knee or hands, only momentarily when he applied the disinfectant spray on her wounds.

"Sorry." He apologized.

"It's fine.......I'm used to hurting...." She finally admitted.

He wanted to speak up again, but found it hard to find the right words. He focused on applying ointment on her wounds and bandaging them up nicely.

"How long has he pushed you around?" He needed to know.

"Started 3 months after we became official.....but even before that, he'd often tease me and what not........ it doesn't hurt ....." She lied once more.

"The Y/N I knew never lied even to save her life. Sad how someone like him managed to change that." He finished wrapping the gauze around her knee.

"I haven't changed at-"

"Yes you have." He interrupted once again.

"The Y/N from then was a cheerful, happy ray of sunshine known for her bubbly personality and kindness to others. She loved going out with friends and hated staying indoors for too long. She was always honest and ready to help anyone in need, especially cute abandoned animals, she was a real softie for them."

She chuckled softly at his words, not denying any of it.

"I still am soft for them." She corrected him.

"But you're no longer happy. You're sad, somber and being in pain all because of an asshole who doesn't deserve you.......he doesn't deserve your love."

Although she heard him and wanted to believe his words, her mind blocked out such reasoning.

"But he does love me.......he swears it....every time it happens, he apologizes and promises-"

"It's all lies Y/N! He doesn't love you! If he loved you he wouldn't hurt you physically and emotionally. He wouldn't be the reason why you're only a shell of the person you used to be. He doesn't love you and he'll never love you..."

She let his words sink, trying to digest what he was saying.

"I know because I've loved you for so long and I'd never even think about putting you through half of what he has."

She whipped her head up at his words, seeing the earnest and emotion in his eyes as he finally confessed what was in his heart.

"San......" She was left speechless.

He teared up, scoffing at himself as a dry smile formed on his face.

"You have no idea how much it hurts seeing you be in pain and not able to do anything about it. Having you flinch at my touch when all I want is to comfort and hold you."

Without thinking, he cupped her cheeks, thumbs wiping away the tears that began falling down her eyes.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself Y/N. You can't spend the rest of your life living in fear and chained to someone who just wants to make you suffer. You can't allow someone to take away your joy and peace of mind. You shouldn't be afraid to be free and enjoy life. You deserve to be happy and loved."

He used his last bit of self control he had and stopped himself when he leaned his face too close to hers, his nose brushing against hers, expecting her to shiver away from his touch, but instead she seemed to wait for his next move. Knowing he'd never forgive himself for it, he pulled back, leaving her disappointed and himself in agony.

"Please take care..."

Taking off his leather jacket, he placed it on her back, fanning out the sleeves so it'd cover her shoulders. Then he turned around and began walking away from her, shoulders slumped down and heart aching to go back and just take her away for good. But he resolved himself not to. Not until she specifically asked him to.

When Y/N finally got back to her place, Taeyong wasn't there. He was probably spending the night at one of his side chick's place, no doubt getting buzzed and high out of his mind. Her soft bed no longer comforted her, so instead she slid down and sat on the floor, hugging her knees and occasionally running a finger through the fabric of San's jacket. His scent was still on it and every time she inhaled it, it had a soothing and calming effect on her mind and heart that soon helped her tense body relax until she felt sleepy. It took a lot of effort, but she climbed into her bed, not bothering to cover herself with the blanket or change into more comfortable and less confining clothes.

San's jacket was the only comforting thing at that moment......

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Nudging him with his elbow, Yeosang whispered to the male next to him the presence of the girl that was slowly approaching them. Always reacting to anything related to her, San turned his head and smiled softly when he saw Y/N walking up to him.

"Hey." He greeted her.

"Hi.....I came to return this. Thanks for letting me borrow it." She held out his leather jacket, neatly folded and visible clean.

"Oh Y/N, you really didn't need to go that far." San became shy at her gesture, and worried about if she washed it cause he had forgotten to and it disgusted her.

"Don't say that. It's the least I can do for all you've done..."

She looked up at his eyes as she said that, her heart fluttering when he rested his hand on top of hers when he tried to take back his treasured article of clothing, letting it stay there for a moment, his fingers giving her hand a light squeeze. His friend behind him looked back and forth between the both of them, confused by what was going on and internally gagging at their mushy scene.

"I wanted to say thank-"

"Y/N!"

The voice calling out for her roared in her ears, sending her into a panic mode as she pulled away immediately from his physical contact. San noticed the way her body tensed up and her eyes became afraid. His own eyes narrowed at the icy blue haired man strutting up to them, a chilling smile on his manga like visuals.

"Hey baby, I've been looking all over for you. What were you doing?" He asked in a concerning tone, face bearing down on hers rather uncomfortably.

"I- I was j-just giving San back this.." She stammered as she gestured to the jacket in her hand.

Letting out a barely audible scoff, Taeyong gripped the jacket, prying it off her delicate fingers before tossing it back to San.

"Thanks bud."

San glared at him, resisting the urge to throw a punch to his face. Seeing him unresponsive, Taeyong just shrugged and suspiciously wrapped an arm around Y/N.

"Come on babe. Let's go back home."

His fingers dug into her skin, applying very painful pressure to her bruise, an occasional whimper coming out of her mouth as they walked across the football field. San's jaw tightened as he watched Taeyong lean in and whispered something in her ear, no doubt some degrading words judging by the way she cowered beneath him.

"San just let it go." Yeosang's voice said.

"I can't Yeosang. Every time I see him even breathe near her.......I feel like combusting." He grunted in frustration as his friend tried to calm him down.

"Taeyong, please stop. It really hurts." Y/N cried out, her fingers prying his hand off her aching arm.

"Shut up you little bitch. How dare you go talk to that punk? Making me look bad and having me talk to that low life." He cringed in disgust.

"I was only thanking him for lending me-"

"So what? Were you going to lend yourself to him too? Is that what you were going over to him for?"

She instantly shook her head.

"What?! No!"

"Yeah right. I bet you already whored yourself out to him...didn't you?!"

Not caring that there was still people nearby, Taeyong harshly yanked her by her hair before tossing her onto the ground, catching the attention of everyone around, including San and Yeosang.

"Fucking whore." He spat at her.

"Don't." Yeosang held his hand out when he saw San taking a step forward.

"But I can't-"

Yeosang kept an arm around him to keep him in place.

"Don't get involved. You'll only make things worse."

San looked back at the scene, his heart breaking seeing Y/N once again on the floor, trembling like a frightened kitten who had no protection. When she looked up, he saw tears already brimming down her face.

"Get up. We're going home." Taeyong sternly commanded, turning to walk away as usual.

"No."

He stopped dead in his tracks at her refusal.

"Excuse me?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

Not knowing how or where she got the strength from, Y/N got up and faced him with determination.

"I've finally had enough."

Both San and Yeosang were shocked at hearing her words, one of them more incredulous than anything and the other proud of her for finally standing up for herself. Taeyong too was put out of sorts seeing her be so bold.

"Haha, real funny baby. Now let's go home." He walked closer to her, reaching out to yank her arm, but she slapped it away.

"No! I told you! I've had it! It's over!" She declared.

Sensing he was really losing his power and control over her, Taeyong lunged at her, fist held up in the air.

"Listen here you-"

Y/N covered her face, stepping back when he came close to her. She opened her eyes and uncovered herself when she felt someone suddenly step in front of her, their hand blocking Taeyong's fist from even approaching her.

"Stay out of this Choi." Taeyong grunted.

"She told you it's over Taeyong."

San easily pushed him away single handedly, making him stumble backwards.

"Now leave and never bother her again."

Not giving up yet, Taeyong looked back at Y/N menacingly.

"And do tell me Y/N? If it's over, where are you going to live now?" He taunted her.

Realizing he was right, she almost felt defeated until San spoke up again.

"She's going to live with me." He firmly answered.

"I fucking knew it. You were being a whore with him."

Unable to hold himself back anymore, San swung hard, fist colliding with Taeyong's face, sending him falling down against the floor. Y/N covered her mouth as she gasped sharply when San picked Taeyong back up from his collar, shaking him fiercely.

"Call her that one more time! I dare you to!" He warned him as he got ready to take another swing.

"San stop!" He felt Yeosang intervene once again, holding his elbow with his hands.

"Yeosang! Just let me-"

"Stop for Y/N's sake, she's already seen and lived enough violence, I really don't think she needs to see any more." Yeosang tilted his head to the Y/N who had already began backing as far away as possible.

Realizing his friend was right, San begrudgingly let go of his most hated rival.

"Try to come near her again and I will end you."

With those final words, he went over to where Y/N was, his face softening up when he looked at her. He held out his hand to her and waited for her response. He felt happy when she finally reached out and allowed him to guide her out to the parking lot, and thankful that he decided to park somewhere where there weren't a lot of people.

"You all right?" He finally spoke up when they were finally inside his truck

"Uh...yeah...actually...I'm fine.... can you believe I actually did it?"

Although she sounded enthusiastic, he heard the crack in her voice and her nervous laughter wasn't helping her case. Instead of turning the car on, he shifted to his right to look at her. He watched as the smile left her face, her fidgeting hands suddenly shake uncontrollably and her laughter suddenly turned to her hyperventilating. Knowing what was happening, San immediately pulled her into an embrace for the very first time in his life, holding her tightly, hands running through her hair as she began breaking down, sobbing violently, finally releasing all the pent up pain and suffering she had been bottling up for years.

San himself wanted to cry, but he didn't for her sake. He just let her cry her eyes out. It took a little over 10 minutes, but finally she started to calm down.

"Thank you....for everything."

Kissing her forehead, he poked her nose and smiled at her.

"Don't mention it. Let's get you somewhere warm now."

He made sure to play soothing music for her on the ride to his house. He noticed how once again she was drifting off to sleep and simply allowed her rest, knowing she was probably exhausted not only from crying so much but also from standing up to her abusive ex boyfriend moments ago. That certainly took a lot of energy and strength from her part and he was proud of her.

It was already dark when they got home, the brooding and cloudy day shortening the daylight and making it night at such an early hour. San gently picked up Y/N and got her out of the car, carrying her sleeping figure bridal style inside his house. It was small, but at least it was cozy and would be safe for her. Peeling back the covers from his bed, he carefully laid her down on it before tucking her in. When he made sure she'd be comfortable, he turned to leave the room, deciding it'd be better for him to sleep on the couch, not wanting to overstep any boundaries or have her freak out. He barely got to the door when he heard a tiny and hushed whisper of his name.

"San?"

He immediately looked over to see what she needed.

"Could.....could you please sleep by my side?.... I'd feel more safe that way..."

She didn't want to admit it right then, but it had been so long since she'd slept in someone's arms and she really craved physical affection from him. Happy to oblige, San went over and got into bed with her.

"Are you going to be ok if I wrap my arm around you?" He asked for permission first.

"Please just hold me." She begged as she cuddled up next to him, her face burying inside his chest.

He wasted no time in throwing his arm around her, his delicate fingers drawing soothing circles on her arm.

"Don't be afraid. You're safe now and you're going to be all right. I'm here and I'll protect you."

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More than a year passed. It was a long and arduous process. At first Y/N didn't want to go through it, but San kept insisting she get therapy. After promising to accompany her and staying by her, she finally gave up and started seeing a psychologist. It wasn't easy, for neither of them. It was painful for her to finally speak up about all the abuse she endured for years and it was equally torturous for San to hear the rest of the untold story. It truly sickened him that one day he nearly busted Taeyong's face when he met him outside the school, but was ultimately held back once more by one of his friends. Besides his main priority was helping Y/N, helping her to properly function again and to bring a little more joy into her life, even going out to adopt a cat for her, naming her Byeol. She became their cute little baby, even if she was a total, well, cat at times and didn't want to cuddle.

"That's ok. I know a cat willing to cuddle me." Y/N chuckled.

San looked around confused.

"Wait! You got another cat? Where is- Oh! You meant me." He blushed hard when she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her body next to his as she snuggled next to him on the couch.

San did not hope for and did not expect Y/N to ever return his feelings, he was satisfied with her just being out of that horrible situation and being able to help her. Never did he dream she'd ever accept to be his and especially not ever cross his mind that he'd ever be able to actually claim her as his own.

But here she was, looking so beautiful underneath his body, wearing nothing but his leather jacket as he rolled his hips against hers. His fingers were laced with hers as his lips pulled apart from hers so he could look at her.

"Fuck...you're so damn pretty."

He leaned back in to place open mouth kisses on her jaw that traveled down to her neck. Although he nibbled occasionally, he made sure not to leave any marks on her soft and delicate skin.

"San...." She breathed out heavily, her hands breaking from his grasp to run through his black hair, paying close attention to the faded green streaks near his bangs.

"Oh god- please repeat that a little more." He groaned, loving the way she called out his name with such lust.

One of his hands traveled down her sides to cup one of her thighs, lifting her leg so he could hit deeper inside her. Feeling him at a whole new angle had Y/N gripping his muscly arms, her panting now becoming more erratic as she began clenching around him.

"San-" She called out again.

He chuckled slightly, hips snapping up to thrust just a little harder in her.

"Go ahead beautiful. Cum all over me, I want to feel you."

Hearing his low and suddenly husky voice urging her on, she let out a tiny whimper, her legs wrapping around his waist, using it as leverage to ride out her high. Her nails raked themselves into his back, her body pressed as close as it could be against his.

"Oh my god!" He gasped out as he twitched inside of her, his cum coating her walls, leaving her feeling full and complete.

He collapsed on top of her, his labored breathing occasionally resulting in a little choke as he tried to compose himself. When he finally came to, he brushed his lips against her temple.

"I love you so much."

She smiled at him as he adjusted the jacket that enveloped her, a real genuine smile.

"I love you too Sannie."

Giving her a tiny peck, he began sliding the jacket off.

"Let's get you out of this. It's probably too hot to be wearing it anymore."

She huffed and pouted.

"Baby no. I love wearing it. It feels like it's hugging me." She grabbed it and wrapped it around her more tightly.

"You know what else wants to hug you? My arms. So take off the jacket and let me snuggle you love."

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689 notes · View notes

angel-riki · 3 years

Text

Dazed & Dreaming {Ch. 3 }

summary: Y/N's life was always quite normal, some may even consider it boring. However, Y/N enjoyed her simple life and the little pleasures it brought. Unfortunately, that all changed the day she found out her best friend's biggest secret. Her discovery leads her down a rabbit hole of a new and confusing world she never knew existed. She must now navigate this new life filled with love, fear, and the supernatural. What awaits her down this path?

pairing: enhypen x reader (vampire au)

warnings: light swearing

word count: 1,658

chapters: [Ch.1] [Ch.2] [Ch.4]

~~~~~~~~~~

God, the weekend can't come soon enough. You sighed as you strolled through the hall to go grab the books for your next class. As you approached your locker, you noticed Heeseung was there waiting for you. He was hard to miss since he towered over all of the lockers. Has he always been this tall? Your heart fluttered and you couldn't keep from smiling. He waved at you as you got closer.

"Hey, Y/N!" he said cheerfully.

"Hello," you replied, "What are you doing here? Not that I mind or anything!" You tried not to sound rude, you were just confused. Your schedules were completely different and his locker was in an entirely different wing than yours. Usually, you only saw each other at lunch.

"I just thought I'd come see you...I missed you," he admitted.

You were not ready for that answer. It was like he was trying to make you fall in love with him. Your face was burning up, you probably looked ridiculous.

"Oh, that's really sweet. I missed you too," you returned his kindness with a giggle.

Now, it was his turn to blush. He looked away from you, trying to contain his smile. It seemed like you had the same effect on him that he had on you.

Heeseung ended up walking you to your next class, chatting on the way. You were sad you only got to talk for a few minutes, but you'd see him soon since lunch was right after.

You set your stuff down at your desk and pulled out your books. As everyone settled into class, your teacher announced that today was going to be a work day. You were relieved because you had a couple of assignments you desperately needed to catch up on. You cracked your knuckles before getting to work. You managed to focus surprisingly well, considering Heeseung was taking up 90% of your thoughts. You ended up getting completely caught up with all of your assignments before the bell rang. Feeling accomplished, you packed up your books and headed to the cafeteria.

*****

You looked around for Jake and Heeseung like usual, tray in hand. You spotted them sitting with three other boys that you didn't recognize. Two of them were blonde and the other had black hair. Maybe they're those other boys that Jake and Heeseung talked about, you thought while heading to their table. Jake looked up from their conversation and noticed you approaching them.

"Hey, Y/N!" He smiled wide while motioning for you to sit next to him. The rest of the boys looked up and noticed you as well. You waved at them all, a bit intimidated. As you joined them, Jake introduced you all. "Everyone, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Sunoo, Jungwon, and Niki," he explained. You smiled at the new faces,

"Hello, nice to meet you all," you said with a gentle smile. Wow, they're all so cute, you thought. Were all of Jakes friends this good looking? The three boys stared back at you in awe.

"Wow, you're Y/N? Jake has told us so much about you!" Sunoo chimed in excitedly. He really reminded you of a puppy.

"Yeah, he talks about you a lot," Niki admitted.

"It's nice to finally meet you!" Jungwon added with kind eyes.

You became less tense as you heard their words. You were touched, Jake really talks about me that much? You looked over at him and you noticed his cheeks were dusted pink. Why does he seem embarrassed? You decided not to think into it too much as the boys carried on their conversation.

"Where's Sunghoon? Shouldn't he be here by now?" Niki asked, confused.

"He had lunch detention so he'll probably get here pretty late, if at all," Jake said. They all chuckled. None of them looked surprised, a few even rolled their eyes. This seemed to be a common occurrence.

Everyone continued on talking and eating for a few minutes before the boys suddenly perked up and began waving at someone. You turned around to see who they were waving at.

Oh no.

It was that strange boy you had run into in the hall last week. The universe just loved making you uncomfortable, apparently.

"Sunghoon, you're here!" Sunoo exclaimed happily.

"How did you get out of detention?" Jungwon asked.

"I got up and left." Sunghoon said like it was obvious.

"Didn't the teacher try to stop you?" Heeseung joined in.

"No, she went to the bathroom."

The boys laughed and shook their heads. Sunghoon sat down at the table as Jake began to introduce you once again,

"Sunghoon, this is Y/N-"

"Oh, we've met." Sunghoon cut him off, grinning as his eyes went to you. The rest of the boys looked slightly confused.

"Uh yeah, we're in the same english class. I didn't know he was a friend of yours," you chuckled nervously as you tried to explain yourself. You didn't want anyone to get any weird ideas since Sunghoon seemed like he was trying to imply something else.

"Ah, that makes sense," Heeseung said. They all nodded, understanding now.

"So, how did you get detention this time?" Niki asked, changing the subject.

"I didn't do my homework." Sunghoon answered.

"What class was it for?" Jungwon questioned.

"English."

Jake perked up at his answer. "Oh, you should have Y/N help you! She's great at english and you're both in the same class, it's perfect!'" He explained. You shot Jake a look for volunteering you.

"What a good idea, Jake." Sunghoon turned to you, smirking with his tongue in his cheek. "Whaddaya say, Y/N?"

"Uh, yeah sure," You laughed awkwardly and accepted his request, not wanting to appear rude. Although you really did not want to.

"Great, I'll see you after school," he said, pleased with the way things were playing out. You weren't expecting to start today, but you weren't about to argue with him.

*****

The end of the day finally came as you checked the time and sighed. Time to go meet up with Sunghoon. You grumbled as you headed to the library. How did I let myself get roped into this?

You entered the library and looked around for the dark-haired boy. You noticed him sitting far off in a corner by himself. As you walked over to him, you realized he didn't have any of his books or work with him.

"Where are your books?" You asked, confused.

"Eh, I didn't feel like bringing them," he said, uninterested.

"Why would you ask for my help if you clearly don't want to do the work?" He was starting to get on your nerves.

"Because I wanted to see you, obviously," he said smugly.

You scoffed before sitting down next to him and pulling out your books for him to use. You weren't going to let him off this easy.

"Well lucky for you, I have my books with me. So let's get started," you retorted. He rolled his eyes at you. "Hey, you wanted this, not me." You said, holding your hands up defensively. He sighed and accepted defeat as you opened the book and began going over the assignment.

You had only been working for about 15 minutes but you were already over it. Tutoring him was like pulling teeth. You would put in the effort to thoroughly explain something to him, just for him to write down the most half-assed answer ever. And what made things even more frustrating was that you could tell he understood everything perfectly, he wasn't dumb. He was actually quite smart, he just didn't care and didn't want to care. You quickly realized he didn't actually even need your help. Your patience was wearing thin as he began tapping his pencil against the table rather loudly.

"Can you please stop that?" you asked, unamused.

"Anything for you, princess." The nickname dripped off of his tongue so naturally. Too naturally. You rolled your eyes and turned back to your book. Yet, your heart was beating faster than you'd like to admit.

You continued working, but after a while he stopped listening and just began staring at you. You didn't want to give in. You carried on while trying to ignore him. Sadly, you failed. You turned to face him, visibly uncomfortable.

"Are you even paying attention?" You asked.

"Not to the work, just to you." He answered honestly.

Why were your cheeks getting hot?

"Why do you keep doing that?" you questioned, irritated.

"Doing what?" He said with a teasing grin.

"Saying weird things," you said, "Do you like making me uncomfortable or something?"

"Yeah, I do. It's fun. Plus, you look really cute when your flustered." He stated simply.

You hated to admit it, but he did have an affect on you. You convinced yourself that it was just because of his good looks. There was no way you actually liked him, right? Right? Either way, you were not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing he had such an effect on you. You stood up and gathered your things, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. You were frustrated in more ways than one.

"Aw, leaving so soon, princess?" he asked.

"Yes. You're driving me crazy." You replied, already heading towards the library doors.

"Yeah, in a good way." He said, satisfied with himself.

You pretended not to hear his last remark as you left.

After exiting the building, you finally felt like you could breathe again. God, Sunghoon was suffocating to be around. Jake, why did you have to befriend such a jackass?

~~~~~~~~~~

Hello! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I tried to pick up the pace and add some more ~romance~ hehehe. I also finally introduced all of the boys except Jay (don't worry he'll come into the picture very soon). Until next time!

~Elle <3

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slyther-bi · 3 years

Text

I finished it yay! Probably not the best but whatever, I kept losing focus when writing this. Tho I'm glad I finished it regardless, enjoy.

@avalonmoonshinesstuff

also it's a few minutes after 12 so happy late birthday @snapewrld

Red, that was all Lily saw when James spoke. Everything happened so fast you'd have missed it if you blinked.

No one noticed Lily raise her arm and form a fist in the midst of James attempting to ask her out and no one noticed the clear look of seething anger in her eye. It was only after Lily's fist had collided with James's face along with hearing a horrible cracking noise did they notice how angry Lily was.

Yet for some reason James nor his other friends seemed to understand why she did what she did. They all stood there in shock as James stumbled to the ground while holding his nose. There was blood running down his face and he was confused on what just happened.

"What the hell?! What was that for!!?" James shouted out as he stood up. Lily glared at him and was ready to deliver another punch "Are you kidding me?! You're seriously asking me why the bloody hell I punched you! Are you that fucking ignorant!!" She shouted out, it took everything in her power and will not to kill James right then and there.

"Listen to me Potter, I want you to stay the bloody hell away from me and from Severus. The same goes for your pathetic friends, I want nothing to do with any of you arrogant pricks" Lily stated and stormed off. She needed to go to a quiet place and calm down before she did something irrational.

As she was thinking about where to go she didn't notice the person she bumped into. 'Great...' she thought, she let out a snarl and was ready to say something but was stunned into silence when she realized who it was she bumped into. "Oh...Severus" She spoke softly her anger seeming to fade at the sight of her best friend. Severus gave her a smile "Hi Lils, have you got your heads in the clouds again?" He asked which caused Lily to laugh.

She smiled "Yeah, yeah I do. Sorry about bumping into you" Severus let out a soft chuckle "It's alright, I'm heading to the library do you wanna come along?" Lily nodded and together the two made their way to the library.

Once at the library the pair sat somewhere near the back. "Hey Lils, is everything alright? you seemed annoyed when we ran into eachother earlier?" Severus asked with deep concern. For some reason he felt like he had done something wrong but wasn't sure what. Lily let out a sigh and rested her head on the table "No everything is not alright, Potter and his stupid friends pissed me off. Potter tried to blackmail me, he said if I go out with that he'll leave you alone and I felt so goddamn sick hearing him say that" She explained and tears began to form, it was still hard for her to believe that that had actually happened.

"He kept talking most of it was insulting stuff about you and somewhere along the way I ended up punching him in the face. Everything he said pissed me off so much, I'm almost certain I broke his nose." She added and let out a forced chuckle. Severus pulled her into a hug and she clung to him for dear life "Don't worry Lily, they'll get what's coming to them" He spoke.

After several minutes they both pulled away and where soon interrupted by Professor McGonagall. "Sorry to disturb you kids but Miss Evans the headmaster wishes to see you right away" She stated sternly, Lily looked over at Severus who gave her a reassuring smile. She looked back at McGonagall and nodded before standing up and following her to Dumbledore's office.

When they have arrived she was greeted by Dumbledore and she was also greeted by James Potter. Seeing him there made her blood boil and she felt like tackling him to ground and punch him or to just simply hex him. Tho instead she took a deep breath and sat in the other empty chair in front of his desk.

"Headmaster you wanted to see me" Lily said as calmly as she could.

"Ah yes miss Evans, I have something to discuss with you along with Mister Potter here. It has come to my attention that you miss Evans punched mister Potter which resulted in him having a broken nose. Would you care to explain why that is?"

Lily clenched at the hem of her skirt and forced herself to smile "Well Headmaster, I did what I did because Potter here decided to try and blackmail me by using the safety of my best friend Severus Snape. Someone who he seems to go after a lot, I would have simply said no but it's seems that Potter only hears what he wants to hear because he keeps coming back to ruin my day as well as ruin the day of my best friend and everyone else in this school along with his friends" She stated through gritted teeth 'I hope to Merlin this is over soon or else I'm going to explode' she thought to herself 'Don't worry Lils, soon the Headmaster will punish Potter and all will be well' she added and waited patiently for Dumbledore's response.

It felt like hours before Dumbledore spoke again "Well, well this is very problematic but I must say that there were other ways to solve the issues miss Evans instead of using physical violence" He stated calmly like always. Lily frowned, she'll admit she could have done something other then to punch Potter but she was too blinded by anger that she didn't think rationally at the moment.

"You're right headmaster and I apologize" Lily spoke and looked down at her lap. Dumbledore nodded "Good, now for your punishment, miss Evans you are to have detention with Mister Filch for a month" He explained which caused Lily to gasp, she opened her mouth to argue but Dumbledore held up a hand to silence her.

Lily looked back down at lap and waited for Dumbledore to continue. "Mister Potter you will also receive detention but with Professor Slughorn for two weeks" He stated "And 50 house points will be taken from both of you" He added. Once Dumbledore spoke those words Lily quickly stood up which resulted in knocking back her chair.

"I'M SORRY WHAT?! WHY DO I GET DETENTION WITH MISTER FILCH AND POTTER GETS PROFESSOR SLUGHORN!? THIS ISN'T EVEN A PUNISHMENT FOR HIM!!! SLUGHORN ISN'T EVEN A COMPETENT TEACHER!!!! IF YOU AREN'T USEFUL OR RICH HE DOESN'T SPARE A SECOND GLANCE AT YOU!! POTTER HERE ATTEMPTED TO BLACKMAIL ME INTO A DATE WITH HIM AND HE SIMOLY GETS DETENTION WITH SLUGHORN WHO DOESN'T DO CRAP! OH BUT BECAUSE I PUNCH POTTER IN ORDER TO PROTECT MYSELF I GET DETENTION WITH MISTER FILCH, SOMEONE WHO ADORES GIVING OUT PUNISHMENTS!!!" Lily shouted out in anger, if Dumbledore wasn't the headmaster she'd have punched him the same way she punched Potter.

"BUT NOT ONLY EVER SENSE ME AND SEVERUS CAME TO THIS DAMN SCHOOL HOPING TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE WONDERS OF MAGIC! POTTER AND HIS STUPID FRIENDS HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT STALK, HARASS, AND ATTACK US! WE CAN'T TAKE ONE STEP WITHOUT EITHER ONE OF THEM RUINING OUR DAY!!! AND YOU ALONG WITH EVERY OTHER ADULT IN THIS SCHOOL HAS DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT IT EXCEPT PUNISH ME AND SEVERUS WHEN ITS CLEAR WE'RE THE VICTIMS!!! WHAT KIND OF HEADMASTER ARE YOU THAT WOULD THIS TO CONTINUE!? ARE YOU BIASED OR SOMETHING!? MY GOD YOU SHOULDN'T BE OUR HEADMASTER NOR SHOULD POTTER AND HIS FRIENDS BE ALLOWED IN THIS BLOODY SCHOOL!!!!" She added. Once she was done speaking she took several breathes to calm herself down. Lily crossed her arms and glared at Dumbledore who looked extremely surprised at her outburst.

Dumbledore opened his mouth to speak but was stopped by Minerva giving him an intense glare of her own. "Miss Evans is correct, it seems that anytime Mister Potter and his friends break the rules you turn a blind eye to it" She explained and crossed her arms.

After several more minutes speaking, well more like arguing, did Dumbledore provide a punishment suitable for Potter and his friends. Tho sadly neither would be expelled this was enough for Lily cause atleast not if they ever tried anything again she could simply go to Professor McGonagall who for now on will handle any punishment given to the Marauders.

Lily walked down the halls feeling a little better then before. Minerva had gotten Dumbledore to lower her punishment so now she wasn't allowed to attend Hogsmeade and she'd have a week's detention with Professor Flitwick. Not only that but Potter was given detention with Mister Filch for the remainder of the school year plus he and Sirius were both removed from the quidditch team even tho it pained Minerva to do so it had to be done. Sirius, Peter, and Remus will also be given detention with Mister Filch for the rest of the year and they all will not be allowed to attend Hogsmeade ever again.

Lily couldn't help but smile "Oh I can't wait to tell Sev the good news" She said to herself. She had stopped by the library but it seems that Severus had left. Next she went to the Slytherin's room and after some threats were exchanged a roommate of Severus's told her that he hadn't returned. She let out a huff and frowned "Where on earth could that boy be?" She muttered. Lily continued her search for her best friend, after a few minutes she heard some faint shouting.

She quickly began running to the source of the shouting and saw a sight that made her blood absolutely boil. There right in front of her were the Marauders tossings hex after hex to the very person she calls her best friend, Severus. Lily quickly pulled out her wand quickly casted the expelliarmus spell to expel the Marauder's wands.

The boys in question turned around in shock, anger, and confusion only to come face to face with a very pissed off Lily. She stepped towards them wand still pointed at them "I told you to stay away from him.......I TOLD YOU IGNORANT AND ARROGANT BASTARDS TO STAY THE BLOODY HELL AWAY FROM HIM!!!!!" She shouted out and casted the knock back jinx.

The jinx hit James and she quickly casted it again while aiming for Sirius. Both Peter and Remus stood there practically frozen, well that was because when Lily casted the first knockback jinx it had given Severus enough time to grab his wand and cast the stunning spell on them both. Lily turned her attention to them both and decided not to cast the jinx on them, instead she rushed over to help Severus up off the ground.

"I'm taking you to Madam Pomfrey's" She said but Severus shook his head "Don't, just take me back to the slytherin common room" Lily opened her mouth to protest but Severus held up a hand the same way Dumbledore did to stop her. "Please Lily, just listen to me, just this once" He spoke and Lily simply nodded.

The pair quickly made their way to the Slytherin common room. Once they reached the entrance Severus spoke the password and soon the common room was revealed to them both. They quickly went inside and Lily guided Severus towards the long couch. She carefully sat him down "Sev are you sure you shouldn't go see Madam Pomfrey?" She asked in concern. Severus simply shock his head "I'm sure, Lily I need you walk up the stairs leading to the boys dorm, the seventh door is my room. When you reach it ask for Rosier, he has blonde hair, just tell him it's the marauders and that's it" He said softly.

Lily nodded and did what she was told, she ran up the stairs when she reached the top she began counting the rooms "One, two, three..." she mumbled to herself. Once she reached the 7th room she hastily knocked on the door. A few seconds later the door opened and she came face to face with the very person Severus had asked her to speak too, Evan Rosier. 'Just tell him it's the marauder's and that's it' she thought "Severus, the marauders" She spoke out and as quick as she spoke the door slammed shut.

She stood there confused and upset "Hey!" she shouted out and began banging on the door. A few minutes later the door swung open, Rosier stepped out of the room with a bag in his hand "Follow" was all he said as he made his way downstairs. Lily quickly followed him, once they reached the bottom she watched as Rosier made his way towards Severus. He knelt down in front of him and opened up the bag he had. Rosier began pulling out several potion and made Severus drink them.

Once he was done doing that he picked up the bag and exited the common room. Lily walked over to Severus "Don't worry Lils, he gave me some healing potions I made myself" He said and leaned his head on her shoulder.

"Where is he going?"

"I'm not sure but I know it's best not to question it"

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five-rivers · 4 years

Text

Reaching Back

This is a trade with @gally-hin-phantom! The prompt was the headcanon that Sam and Paulina used to be friends when they were kids. Enjoy!

At four years old, Samantha Manson already had a finely developed sense of when something was awkward. This? This was awkward.

The other girl sat across from her, staring at the table, her hair pulled into severe braids on either side of her head. She picked at her food. Samantha had already forgotten her name.

Samantha glanced at her mother, sitting next to her. She was discussing something with the other girl's daddy, her hands moving around like hummingbirds. First they touched her pearl necklace, then the edge of her plate, then the fork, so she could take a quick bite, then the napkin, to clean her fingers and lips, and finally Samantha's shoulder.

Samantha hated it when her mom was like this. It was so- so-! She didn't have words for it.

Something hit her knee, and she jerked her head around to glare at the other girl, who gave her a rather devious-looking smirk. Samantha scowled. She was quite proud of her scowl. It never failed to make her mother stop when she saw it.

The girl turned to her father and said- Something. Samantha couldn't understand it, and that made her angry. She knew a lot of words! Grandma said so. even Dad said so.

Well, 'angry' might have been the wrong word, but her vocabulary had yet to extend to more complex emotions.

"English, Paulina," said the other girl's father. "We are not at home."

The girl, Paulina, pouted.

"You need the practice, love. Ask Mr. and Mrs. Manson."

The girl sighed and turned to face Samantha's parents. "Can Sammy and I go play?" she asked.

"Of course, dear," said Samantha's mom. She patted Samantha's head. "Stay in the living room where we can find you."

"Okay," said Samantha, sliding off the chair. She still wasn't sure how she felt about Paulina, but she didn't want to be at the table anymore. Besides, she'd learned how to play with people she didn't like and still have fun. She had to, since her parents insisted on inviting over the most boring people ever.

At least Paulina wasn't going to be boring.

"Hey," said Samantha, "what were those words you said before?"

"Huh?" asked Paulina.

"Before. With your dad." Samantha poked Paulina in the side, and the other girl giggled.

"You mean Spanish?" The girl puffed her chest out. "It's my native language. But Daddy wants me to learn English."

"Oh," said Samantha, brows knit together. She'd never heard anyone speak another language, except for Rabbi at the synagogue. But what Paulina had said sounded a lot different than what Rabbi said.

"What do you want to play, Sammy?"

Samantha scowled. Only her mother called her that. "That's not my name," she said, crossing her arms.

"It's a nickname! You can call me Lina. Or Pauli, I guess."

Samantha considered this. "Fine," she said. "But then we've got to play evil tea party."

"What's that?"

"It's a tea party, but evil. I get to be Maleficent!"

"Oh, from Sleeping Beauty?"

"Yeah," said Samantha. Maleficent was her favorite, because she turned into a dragon.

"Ooh, ooh, then I want to be," Paulina bounced for a second, thinking, "I want to be Ariel! She's so pretty!"

"But she's not evil," said Samantha.

"Then I'll be evil Ariel."

"Okay," said Samantha. She walked over to her toy chest and pulled out the plastic tea set her parents had given her. "So, the first thing you have to do at an evil tea party is an evil laugh."

"Hey, Sammy," said Paulina.

"Ugh," said Sam, leaning back against the banister.

"What?" asked Paulina, sitting at the top of the stair. "Nice dress, by the way. Is it new?"

"Yes," said Sam, picking at the floral embroidery. "Can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure," said Paulina.

"Don't call me 'Sammy' anymore. Mom's finally completely ruined it. I mean, I'm not a baby anymore!" She kicked the stair.

"But what would you be called instead? Samantha? I thought you didn't like that, either."

"Sam. Samantha is too... weepy."

"What happened, anyway?" asked Paulina.

"Mom called me 'Sammykins' in front of my whole class. I can't wait 'til third grade when I can go to a normal school like a normal person."

"It's not that great."

"Yeah, but you're there, and maybe I can get away from all the people who just want to make nice because of money."

"There's always going to be people like that, as long as they know you have money," said Paulina. "Or if their parents know."

Sam blinked. There was something to that.

"Oh, no, don't give me that face. The last time, you almost got me banned from the zoo forever!"

"It isn't like that!" protested Sam. "I was just thinking, what if they didn't know? How are they going to find out, if nobody tells them? I'm the only one in my who wants to transfer out. You'd be the only one who knew, and you wouldn't tell, right?"

"Well, yeah," said Paulina. "That sounds like a hard secret, though. You wouldn't be able to have anyone over at your house."

"I wouldn't invite anyone over until I knew they were my friends for real," said Sam.

"Sammykins! Come down and meet your guests!"

Sam rolled her eyes at her mother's voice. "They're not my guests," she grumbled.

Paulina bumped her foot into Sam's. "At least I'm here, right?"

Paulina finished her section of the reading, and the teacher thanked her before choosing a new reader.

"Can't even talk right," muttered one of Sam's new classmates.

She turned around in her seat. "Huh?"

The redhead looked her up and down. She could practically see him slot her into the 'new kid' box in his brain.

"She shouldn't volunteer to read if she can't even talk right," said the boy, plaintively, with just slightly more volume.

The three day suspension was totally worth it. That'd teach him to talk like that about Sam's best friend.

"I declare our friendship over!" shouted Sam.

Paulina sniffed. "Fine!" she shouted back. "But I get Danny!"

"Fine! That means I get Tucker!" Sam grabbed Tucker by the back of the shirt and dragged him away.

Paulina dragged a shocked-looking Danny off in the opposite direction. They disappeared behind the play structure.

"Uh," said Tucker.

"Shut up!" said Sam.

Recess ended.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier," said Sam.

"Me too," said Paulina. She rubbed her eye. "Are we friends again."

"Forever!" said Sam.

"Girls are so weird," muttered Tucker.

"At least we can hang out again," said Danny, digging his elbow into Tucker's side.

"Hey, we're trying to have a touching reunion here!"

"Yeah!" said Paulina.

"What were you two even fighting about in the first place," asked Tucker. He raised an eyebrow. "Was it boys?"

"This is why you don't have any other friends, Foley," said Paulina.

"Next year," said Sam, "we'll be in middle school." It was the last day of school, and the field day events were starting wind down. Danny and Tucker were still at the dunk tank, trying to soak each other.

"Yep," said Paulina. "It'll be different."

"Yeah," agreed Sam. "No more recess."

"More than that," said Paulina, with a little snort. She tucked her legs up so that her heels rested on the wooden planking of the play structure. "Do you think we'll be different?"

"I hope so," said Sam. "Mom promised I can pick out all my own clothes this year, and I can get my ears pierced." She tugged on her lobes.

Paulina sighed. "Jealous. Daddy won't let me until high school. But that's not what I meant."

"Then what?"

"We won't let anything get between us, will we?"

"No way," said Sam. "You watch too many teen movies, Lina." Sam climbed up to the top of the play structure and spread out her arms. "What would we even fight over, anyway? Boys? Makeup?"

Paulina laughed. "Gosh, no. But, like, drifting, that's a thing."

"I promise you, if we stop being friends it isn't going to be because of drifting. We'll have a giant blow out, or something. Like way back last year."

"What were we even fighting about?"

"I don't know. But I bet it was stupid."

"I think Danny has a crush on you," said Sam, pulling on her stockings. This Halloween she was going as Wednesday Addams.

"I know," said Paulina, scrunching her nose.

"What wrong? I thought you wanted to start trying to date?"

"Yeah, but not with a friend," said Paulina. "That would be weird. What if we broke up? We wouldn't be able to hang out anymore."

"Why not?"

"I don't know, it would be weird, wouldn't it?"

"Maybe," said Sam, shrugging.

Paulina sighed. "I mean, I guess Danny's cute and all, and he's trying to learn Spanish, which is like, you know, a gesture, but..." She trailed off and laid down on Sam's bed.

"You think Danny's cute?"

"I guess? Like, you know, a bunny or something. What about you? You thinking about dating? I know some guys are checking you out." She made a face at the last sentence. "You're pretty."

"So are you," said Sam. "But, dating? Gross. No way. Do you think they'll stop if I shave my hair off?"

"Sam."

"No, really. I've been thinking about getting an undercut."

"You're unbelievable."

"I can't believe your dad is sending you away for a month to learn about girl stuff." Sam mimicked his deep, gruff, voice for the last two words.

"Yeah, well, Mom's not around, so Tia Carmen it is." She stuck out her tongue and folded another pair of jeans into her suitcase. "Don't worry, I'll be back here in time to rock eighth grade with you."

Sam smiled. "I'll miss you."

"Come on, you'll have those two idiots to keep you company."

"Not Tucker so much. You'd think I shot his dog or something." Sam rolled her eyes.

"He'll come around, don't worry," said Paulina. "A friendship isn't going to be ruined over going vegan."

"Yeah. Hey, let me take a pic of you before you go! It can go in our scrapbook."

"Just because we're not friends anymore doesn't mean I'm going to spill your secrets," said Paulina. "So you can get down off your high horse and calm down." She pulled paper towels out of the dispenser with a violence that would have startled her at any other time.

Sam slouched against the bathroom door, arms crossed. Her purple-black lipstick made her skin look washed out and pallid. The overhead lights didn't help.

Sam could do so much better.

Paulina pursed her lips and put her hands on her hips. She didn't mention it. Sam wouldn't appreciate it. Hadn't appreciated it, even though Paulina was just trying to help.

Didn't Sam realize that being in charge, being on top was so much better than being laughed at? Didn't she realize that if they had worked together, they could have pulled Danny and Tucker up with them, too, despite how weird they were? Tucker had skills, and Danny was, well, once you got past his weirdness, he was pretty charismatic.

But only if Sam helped. Paulina didn't have enough pull by herself, no matter how pretty she'd learned to make herself over the summer.

Of course, Sam didn't realize, or if she did, she didn't care. Fundamentally, Sam was selfish and self-centered, and Paulina had always known that, she had liked it, but she hadn't thought it mattered.

"Fine," said Sam. "Not that I care what you do. Just stay away from me."

Paulina didn't cry as her oldest friend stomped out of the room. It would ruin her mascara.

#danny phantom #art trade #phanfic #writing

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haitangblossoms · 4 years

Note

Hello! I don't know if you've seen it yet, but today on weibo a lot of people are talking about a supposed insider who leaked shimei's plot. Basically she is the main heroine, and even her terrible acts were deleted (she just killed those who personally killed her clan, is basically just a pitiful girl who wants to avenge her clan and loves chu wanning)... Do you think there is a chance this is true? And if yes, won't this affect how Ranwan are percieved? the show will turn to a bg drama :(...

2ha spoilers above and ahead!!

I’ve had very little time lately to check weibo so I missed this (also I’m just getting started now with Chinese language and can’t read much yet, G-translate often doesn’t translate properly either).

I’ll be replying to your question first anon, then give my personal opinion because -if people here still have doubts about it- i am very, very skeptical when it comes to rumours and how much truth they hold. But that’s an issue for later.

If you ask me, I would say that it wouldn’t be impossible for SM’s character arc to be portrayed like that in the drama. It would, first of all, avoid an incredible amount of hate to be poured over Chen Yao. We know already that a big portion of the fandom is not happy with her casting (for various reasons), and how quickly that discontent tends to reflect in real life harassing and cyberbullying. Because a much bigger public will be exposed to the drama compared to the novel, I would understand if they toned it down in terms of violence/reasons for SM’s actions. Also remember that HBN is played by a different actress (another anon previously suggested for surprise effect), and it’s not certain that their lives will reflect the paths they followed in the novel. I don’t think that would influence how ranwan is portrayed too much, though. Remember that censorship is still there, and I guess we’ll be getting a lot of gazes, implied meaning, methaphors and romantic stuff camouflaged as “teacher/disciple relationship” regardless of what SM does or doesn’t do. What it will change is SM’s potrayal in the drama compared to the novel: SM begins regretting his actions at a certain point, it makes sense for them to show a pitiful SM vs. a vengeful HBN. Though I wouldn’t completely like that, it’s something I can personally let it slide for an adaptation. But I’ll be honest here, SM is one of the characters I like the least while HBN is one of my favourites so my discourse could be very biased. I apologize for being impartial but hey, faves happen!

For the rumours part, I’ll be blunt and just say that I am tired of them. Since filming finished we haven’t seen a single proof of any so called rumour that has been spread until now. There’s been more pics of ranwan moments popping up, and not a single pic of any other member of the cast (with the exception of one video with QPL I think). The drama is probably in post-production, what do people want to do? Storm Tencent’s studios and threaten them if they as much dare have MR look in SM’s direction? LOL. We might as well come to terms with the idea that a good first part of the series will be like that, because 2ha is like that. After that? Too early to say, but I don’t feel dispirited when I look at the leaks. If anything, it just gives me more and more the impression that they tried their hardest to make this as romantically explicit as possible without risking being c0ckblocked by the censorship. I want to trust Director He’s loving gaze every time he looks at ranwan. <3 Perhaps, if I’m wrong, in a couple of months people can bring this post back up and accuse me of being an apologist. I’ll be taking responsability, but until then.

Oh, just a final thought: while SM/HBN’s actions may be inexcusable (mainly because they bring harm to people who were just innocent casualties and had no part in the BBBs’ tragedy, like MR and CWN), it’s a good exercise to try and put oneself in his shoes and see his life from his own perspective. I completely hated both characters by the end of my first read, and only learnt to understand them during my second read. If everybody tried to do that, how much more peaceful and constructive would all fandoms be, don’t you agree?

#haitang talks #replies #long post #2ha spoilers #you can see i recently finished an essay cause im still in long talk mode LOL #but seriously...i am tired #i just want ranwan #yeah sm can have some of that go and kiss mr for all i care i dont mind #id like to have a piece of that too #shizun share some of your luck #also...gonna hide this in the tags and hope no one reads it but #i ship ranmeng SO #WHAT ABOUT IT #planning that mr/xm/cwn #....one day #haoyixing

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jedi-order-apologist · 4 years

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(1/3) Hi! Since your metas are great, I was wondering if you had any insight on TCW ep10. I'm confused by Maul's claim that Ahsoka left because of the Council's hypocrisy and by Ahsoka not denying it. I know his criticism of the Jedi is hella biased, but what exactly are they supposed to be hypocritical about? Hypocrisy is claiming to have higher standards than you truly do, pretending to believe in stuff you don't, or not doing stuff you preach. Except they don't do any of that?

(2/3) Except *maybe* for Mace Windu telling Ahsoka that her ordeal worked out for the better because it's made her grow as a Jedi and him *maybe* not actually believing that but saying it so he doesn't have to admit they've screwed up (which I don't really believe, since it literally takes place in the scene where they apologize), the Council isn't hypocritical. I also can't believe that it was Mace's single comment that would motivate Ahsoka's clearly thought-through decision. I don't get it.

(3/3) Is it supposed to be hypocrisy about attachment and emotions? Like, they preach to let go of stuff but don't actually believe it's possible/don't do it? Well no, it's possible and they do (see Obi-Wan). Do they hold themselves to a lower standard than the Order? No. Do they pretend to be morally perfect? No, they repeatedly acknowledge that they make mistakes. And yet many fans/characters use "hypocrisy" to criticise them. Why is that? What are they supposed to be hypocritical about???

I’ve touched on the “hypocrisy” thing before, because fandom does like to throw the word around a lot (like “stagnant”, it’s a vague and easy byte-sized condemnation that doesn’t actually mean much), but I’ll copy over what I said back then:

people cry “hypocrisy” to the point of rendering the word meaningless. If no one was supposed to give guidance to others on something that they’ve personally struggled with unless they’ve permanently overcome it forever, the world would be very short on teachers. And the Jedi Order values teaching so highly, so of course everyone is expected to lend guidance and advice whenever they see the need. It’s a way of helping your peers stay accountable to themselves by reminding them of your shared values/goals - and they’re expected to do the same for you whenever you get off-track, too.

Hypocrisy would be “I can criticize you for this but I can’t be criticized for it” - but we don’t really see that at all. Most of the Jedi are fairly self-critical, and are expected to be gracious in response to genuine corrections - this aspect of their culture is established almost immediately in TPM, literally in the first scene between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, which says a lot to me about how important it is in defining the Jedi Order when it’s intentionally the first thing the audience learns about them in the prequels. But I think, unfortunately, that a lot of fans misread these reminders as condemnation, rather than guidance and constructive criticism.

For the record, I don’t think Anakin advising Rex on not letting personal feelings get in the way is hypocritical either (I’ve seen that one a lot). Ironic, yes, and darkly hilarious considering how he struggles with it much more than Rex ever has, and will fall to it in the end - but not hypocritical. Because, as much as some would prefer otherwise, Anakin very much believes in the values of the Jedi Order, even if he tends to lose sight of them in the heat of the moment. Besides, it would be incredibly stupid to see someone making a mistake you know you’ve made in the past, and think, “oh, well, I’ve made that mistake so I have no place pointing it out to him”, especially when it threatens to be a problem when going into such a dangerous and high-stakes situation. Anakin pointing out to Rex when his feelings are getting in the way is the right thing to do. As is Obi-Wan or Padmé pointing out to Anakin when his feelings are getting in the way. It’s not hypocrisy; it’s good advice.

As for Maul, and honestly probably the fandom now that I think on it more (and people have made good points about how Maul is the stand-in for the audience, so...it might be a stretch, but it’s possible that the use of the word “hypocrisy”, specifically, is being used because it’s something the fandom says), it’s not really anything specific that he’s calling hypocritical, it’s this idea of “the Jedi claim to be good, but here they are, being less than perfect! How hypocritical!” Except the Jedi don’t actually purport to be an infallible moral authority, so even this is not hypocritical - though it must seem like it to the people who’ve built up this idea of what they “should” be, what they think the Jedi are claiming to be, out of, I think, a misunderstanding of what the Jedi ideals actually are - they’re something to strive for and work towards, not static traits they believe they already possess. The Jedi are a growth mindset culture, not a fixed one. And with the Sith, and those fallen to the dark side in general, being stuck in a harmful defeatist mindset, they do not understand that concept, so it looks like hypocrisy. And to some of the fans, either they take the Sith at their word for some reason, or they also have a bit of this defeatist outlook/fixed mindset (it is a difficult thing to overcome even without the literal supernatural aspect of the Force, so I’m not saying this without sympathy) and interpret the Jedi through that.

And I don’t know, maybe people really do think that giving advice and asking people to make better choices is wrong if you’ve ever made mistakes in that area. But I will say, again, if no one was supposed to give guidance to others on something that they’ve personally struggled with unless they’ve permanently overcome it forever, the world would be very short on teachers. The Jedi are striving to make better choices themselves, so it’s not hypocritical of them to ask it of others as well - they’re not asking anything of anyone that they would not do themselves.

#discussion #in defense of the jedi #on the sith #on fandom attitudes #on jedi teachings #tcw spoilers #Anonymous

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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A good description. For my part, I don't like talking about it because of my own experiences. I can, however, see Batman, a story where nearly every memorable villain and even the protagonist himself is a Svengali, could attract a disproportionate number of rape apologists, though fandom is full of them. (Oh, hey, that's the other thing with Jason. Talia.)

Ugh I’m so sorry to hear you can relate, and I totally understand not wanting to talk about it. I have no idea what your particular situation is, obviously, but I also want to reiterate since its been awhile since I’ve mentioned this part.....I don’t feel any like....basically, my choice to talk about this stuff is simply put, MY choice, made for my own reasons, that aren’t a reflection on any other survivor. There are a million and one reasons NOT to come forward, or to struggle with it or not to be open about what happened to us, and none of them are a reflection on any of us, but rather the position it puts us in.

Again, I don’t know your situation or what gender you might be or anything else, and this isn’t at all because your ask made me feel defensive or anything like that. This is just something I’ve wanted to put into words for awhile now seems relevant today, and here’s as good a place as any to put it down:

For myself, being a male survivor....like, there’s never really been any getting around the existence of that kinda, idk, caveat that not many male survivors come forward. Sure, we all see the posts and tweets reminding “remember, men can be raped too!” But that’s not the same thing as men sharing their stories and experiences the way far more women have come forward. And that’s why I ultimately began talking about my own experiences in order to express how I felt about my own positioning in society and how as a survivor I interact and am interacted with by others. Because frankly, there wasn’t anywhere else I could really look to in order to see others talking or sharing about similar things and see myself reflected in what they were saying or the experiences they were describing. So, if I couldn’t find what I felt I needed or could have benefited from, I figured at least I could put it out there in case anyone else who could relate could benefit from mine.

Except, ultimately I’ve come to feel that I honestly don’t believe its that men just flat out don’t come forward with their stories or experiences, its that even when we do, we’re rarely signal boosted - as you can kinda see from the fact that I can post the most inane shit and get it to a thousand notes, but in the five plus years I’ve been making posts about this subject, I’m lucky if I can get a single post on the topic to double digits as far as notes go.

People just flat out are a combination of uncomfortable with the novelty of actual discussions about and around male survivors as well as being not really sure how to talk about it because we’ve never really developed the tools for it.

And to be 100% clear, this has NOTHING to do with female survivors, as a point of comparison or ANYTHING else. It drives me up a fucking WALL when people try and compare and contrast even just how much men being raped is talked about vs women being raped, no matter WHAT their reasons are, because I promise people, I PROMISE - NO survivor, of any gender, has EVER benefitted from being pitted against other survivors to ANY degree. Its not a zero sum game and it doesn’t help male survivors to pull shit like “well at least female survivors are acknowledged” because a) eww, and b) nobody asked anyone to say that on our behalf, and c) hyper-visibility isn’t a privilege (or whatever the best parallel to that might be, I’m not trying to appropriate an anti-blackness specific term so much as its the closest comparison I have at the moment for something that isn’t even a matter of marginalized identities but rather marginalized experiences) and d) its COMPLETELY beside the point and actually misses the point by a WIDE margin.

Because what I’ve come to realize over the years, from my own experiences and talking and sharing with survivors of all genders and demographics and walks of life, is that first off....nobody really needs the reminder that hey, men can be raped too. We see it happen all throughout entertainment and other aspects of society, its not an experience that’s hidden away from the light, its just not ever really CALLED what it is, or followed up on, and talked about.

Like Dick Grayson isn’t a statistical outlier in media. Take Horrible Bosses, a summer blockbuster comedy a few years back with a cast of fairly big name comedians, and whose running B plot throughout the whole movie was Jennifer Aniston’s character wanting to rape her employee, Charlie Day’s character. Not only was this not objectionable to audiences in any sizable way, not only did this never really get called out as wtf by critics and reviews, the movie was successful enough to warrant a sequel with even BIGGER names in its cast, like Christopher Pine, and the continuation of the Aniston’s character trying to rape Charlie Day’s subplot. With zero awareness. And its not like that’s the only movie. There’s plenty more I could name.

Or then you’ve got television, where like, take Riverdale, a well-promoted, well known CW show....whose first few episodes featured the lead character Archie in a sexual relationship with his much older female teacher. Except not really a relationship, because that’s textbook, no debate, literal statutory rape.....that ended with Archie’s character being condemned for it as though he were on equal footing with the teacher, who ultimately left town, and it never really acknowledged that he was literally a victim of statutory rape, that any teacher who does that is not an equal partner but a predator. I stopped watching the show for a lot of reasons by like the fourth episode, but I see enough gifs on tumblr to know that several seasons later, this left little enough impact that some kind of Archie-goes-to-jail plotline has resulted in more memes and jokes about prison rape than I can count, and zero awareness that people are compounding jokes about a character who is literally already an unacknowledged survivor.

That’s one. Or you can take Once Upon A Time, a popular ABC show of multiple seasons, and the running subplot where Robin Hood’s character is raped by the Wicked Witch literally the same way Dick was by Mirage in the comics. She shapeshifts into Maid Marian, who ends up dead, and has ‘sex’ with Robin Hood (no, she rapes him) and ends up pregnant. Not only is this never really called what it is, later on, other characters LITERALLY CHEW HIM OUT for objecting to this baby being left in the care of her mother, aka his rapist, and for ‘not being willing to give her the benefit of the doubt/let her change’ as though him not wanting to co-parent with his rapist is no different from any of the show’s other dubious redemption storylines....except for the fact that this particular part of her redemption arc isn’t ever really one she actually needs redeeming for, because nobody ever fucking points out that she literally raped him and he was her victim. Fast forward to the end of the series, Robin Hood’s been dead for seasons, the Wicked Witch is happily redeemed and has a loving wholesome relationship with her daughter, named after Robin Hood like they were some kind of loving, happy family instead of a rapist, her victim, and the child that was born of it.

Or you can take Grimm, a fairly successful NBC show of multiple seasons WHICH LITERALLY DID THE EXACT SAME THING. The main character Nick was raped in season two by the antagonist of the time, who shape shifted into his wife and had ‘sex’ with him, with him not realizing the truth until later on, by which point she’s pregnant with his child. Fast forward to the end of the show, not only was this never really called what it was, his wife’s character was killed off seasons earlier and he is now, get this, ‘happily’ in a romantic and sexual longterm relationship with his rapist (who he by now knows exactly what she did do and what happened between them and just.....got over it without ever actually like, reacting to it)....and oh yeah, not only are they raising the child born of it together, they’ve had a second child since then.

Anyone ever hear much outcry about the male rapes in these shows? And again, like Horrible Bosses, tip of the iceberg. There’s a LOT more shows I could name, just like there are movies.

Or take comics. Its not even just Dick Grayson that’s a survivor. Or Bruce. Or Jason as you pointed out, which......I know a lot of people ignore both Morrison AND Winick’s take on Talia in order to not write her as the rapist she is in their stories, which I can totally understand as she was a well-established character of color for long before either of them got their hands on her and its perfectly valid for people not to want to have to write her as being tarnished as a rapist because two different writers wrote her that way....without.....either of them ever really acknowledging that was literally how they were writing her. I myself write her as a character of complicated and often dubious morality, but never a rapist, for that reason and many others, but its definitely there. And even in a fandom that has never lacked for acknowledgment of Dick being a survivor whose rapists were women.....a LOT of people still romanticize Jason’s ‘relationship’ with Talia as being something other than a grown woman taking advantage of a minor in an extremely vulnerable and compromised state.....with a TON of other takes out there about the two of them, in posts and fics alike, where its somehow danced around or outright called something other than “that time Talia raped Jason in the comics.”

But its not just the Batbooks. Its like how I’ve mentioned in the past, Garth Ennis wrote into one of his storylines that Kyle Rayner was raped when he went to Gotham one time.....not to make it a plot point, but to use it as a JOKE. Or take Marvel comics, Bobby Drake, one of my other all-time favorite characters....who is also a rape survivor of multiple occasions, without it ever acknowledged as such. Like, he was briefly in a relationship with Mystique, who turned out to have entered the relationship under false pretenses, shocking, and who used having sex with him to depower him and take him out of the upcoming fight between the X-Men and the Marauders, which...we don’t have time to unpack all that right now. But fast forward about a year later, and Bobby has since gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend Opal Tanaka.....who, it turns out, is actually just Mystique in disguise, having sex with him again without it ever being called rape since he was consenting to sex with Opal, not the woman who slept with him that one time just to make sure he was helpless to stop a whole lot of people from getting killed. But hey, forget about Mystique! How about that time Chuck Austen wrote him ‘having sex’ with an empath who was EXPLICITLY noted in the narrative as using her powers to manipulate his emotions to even WANT to have sex with her in the first place, and when an issue later it comes out she’s married and her husband starts beating up Bobby for ‘sleeping with his wife’ all the other characters present, all of them friends and teammates of his, condemn Bobby for this without it ever being acknowledged that he was literally manipulated into it by a superpower and he was the victim.

Again. Tip. Of. The. Iceberg.

But you see what I mean? Male rape isn’t an outlier and it isn’t an unknown....its everywhere! Its just.....never called that, really, and never really talked about, even by people who normally would, except for the fact that I don’t think we as a society have ever really forced ourselves to FIND a way to talk about it, because of the fact that like.....the very notion of it threatens and undermines the essence of the patriarchal beliefs that are hammered into us all from day one. Even when we know the patriarchy is crap, we still have so much ingrained in us from early childhood that stuff like this, which is a blatant symptom of it even if not one aimed primarily at disadvantaging women.....like, it slips under the radar because its never fully called out or spotlighted in loud enough or widely enough ways to keep us from overlooking how much its impacted our POVs.

Blatantly put, the patriarchy and sexism RELIES on the idea that men are somehow more powerful/stronger/whatthefuckever than women. And male victims - of abuse as well as rape, though definitely rape.....like, even just a widespread awareness of our existence is enough to kinda destabilize that belief that is so foundational to the patriarchy its DEPENDENT on it being upheld as unassailable truth.

Because if forced to acknowledge that men are just as vulnerable to even something like rape as anyone else in the ‘right’ situations or dynamics, it forces confrontation with the reality that no matter what the patriarchy has claimed for as long as its existed.....men aren’t inherently any more powerful, or stronger, or resistant to harm/humiliation/VICTIMIZATION as anyone else.

And the patriarchy flat out can’t afford that confrontation, so it can’t afford to acknowledge male survivors.

Again, just want to be beyond clear - nowhere here am I okay with making this about a compare and contrast between the experiences and interactions society has with male survivors and around male rape, and the same with female survivors and rape. Because I mean, we all should be more than aware that society as a whole sucks at the acknowledgment, addressing and handling of rape in any context, in any of the ways it comes up as a topic, in terms of any survivor who comes forward no matter who or when or how.....like. We suck at this topic, and at any and all discussions about this topic. Period. Flat out. So when I say the patriarchy can’t afford to acknowledge male survivors, I am in no way aiming to diminish the reality that it does just as fucking an abyssmal job at acknowledging and responding to female survivors....the point here is not the poor reception any and all survivors receive to disclosing their experiences in our society, but rather the specific why of this when it comes to male survivors just as the particular subject of focus here.

And again, like, my only credentials here are just like. My life experiences, lol. I’m not trying to claim anything more or other than that, make no mistake. I’m a literal college drop out, this is not the result of comprehensive studies or vetted by the scientific method. This is literally just “like, my opinion, man” and makes no pretenses at being other than that. Its just the conclusions I’ve formed over the years and why, completely anecdotal and not aiming to be any kind of authoritative or expert viewpoint with my personal take here. Largely because I haven’t really found anywhere that I feel the conversation has proceeded enough in earnest that its even at a point that would ALLOW for that yet. So this is all more just.....my feel of things, and why, as just kinda idk, hopefully a starting point for further ACTUAL exploration of all this. My attempts at starting the kind of conversation I feel we need to be having in order to be at all productive instead of just constantly spinning around in circles, which is what it so often feels like.

So when I say I think the patriarchy can’t honestly AFFORD to acknowledge male survivors specifically, I’m not positing some grand conspiracy or active cover-up.

Because nothing like that is even necessary.

Its built into the framework of the system itself. Its not that I believe anyone goes out of their way to “hide” male survivors from anyone, I’m saying there’s no need. Because its been so ingrained into us from such a young age and in so many ways, most of us never even think to question whether anything is even being hidden, or if its just as simple as, well men don’t really come forward, because their pride and self-esteem is so impacted by what happened to them, due to the expectations heaped on men by the patriarchy.

Its kinda stunning, actually. Even while ACKNOWLEDGING that the patriarchy does impact male survivors in ways as well, we’re kinda....led away from the ACTUAL ways and ACTUAL reasons why....because despite literally calling the patriarchy out as the bad guy in this way, it still manages to weasel itself out of this confrontation by virtue of the fact that you can’t ever really effectively address a problem when you’re being misdirected to a tangent that’s not really the REAL problem that needs addressing.

So personally, I’m of the belief that its not that men just don’t ever really come forward. Its that even when some do, like myself, we can scream our heads off for years and it just echoes into the void, because its not being heard in the ways we need to be heard in order to effectively....signalboost our stories and experiences and needs. Much like I just mentioned above, its misdirection......everybody’s too focused on addressing an issue that doesn’t actually NEED solving (ie, reminding everyone/promoting awareness that men too, CAN be raped), and thus at least feeling productive, feeling like they’re contributing to tackling the problem.....that meanwhile, the ACTUAL problem (men CAN be raped too, and are, and here are men talking about it only for the signal to get lost and fizzle out rather than get boosted)....it flies right under the radar.

Because in line with what I said earlier about how it does no good to compare our experiences, both in terms of assault and our lives in the aftermath, with women survivors - its because its apples and oranges.

Rape isn’t a gendered issue, because it can happen to anyone of any gender, at any time....its situational. Dependent on context. Rape culture, however, IS a gendered issue.

Because rape culture, how our society INTERACTS with the very idea of abuse and rape and its victims and perpetrators....spills out entirely from that core foundation of the patriarchy and sexism, and thus much like those things themselves, how it affects women survivors is always going to be totally different from how it affects men who are survivors. Our experiences are not interchangeable - that has nothing to do with being better or worse, more publicized or less, etc, etc. They just....manifest different ways. The cause of our trauma-related problems might be the same thing, but the problems it creates for us are not, and none of us can ever really benefit from it being treated as a one size fits all kinda deal, nor is it to our benefit to treat it like there’s only so much conversation about the topic available to go around.

What I mean here is, like I said, the patriarchy at the foundation of our society can’t afford for it to be widely acknowledged that men can be victimized too.

But it can’t actually stop this from happening, given that its basis for saying it never happens is an inherent uneven-ness that only exists because it made it exist, not because like....we’re innately born uneven.

So....it had to come up with a narrative, a response, for when men DID step forward and say hey, I too was abused. I was raped. Etc.

And it did.

As a result, a lot of women don’t come forward because they fear not being believed, with reason. And this is true for a lot of men as well, just as the following is true for a lot of women too....

Which is that IMO the bigger reason/more immediate reason a lot of men don’t come forward, is that our concern isn’t so much that we won’t be believed....

Its that we will be believed, but rather than this getting us the help we need or the justice we ask for, it only ever really creates more problems for us, due to the patriarchy’s go-to fix-it job for this situation:

Paint the male victim as being not so much a victim as a victimizer-in-training.

See, the lie that men are innately more powerful, stronger, more ‘deserving’ of being in charge can’t afford the admittance than men are also vulnerable, can be victimized, taken advantage of.....

But it CAN afford the idea that men can be abused/raped/etc with this going on to eventually result in us becoming abusers/rapists/victimizers ourselves in the future, as long as THIS is kept the clear focus and emphasis of the narrative.

Because after all, there’s nothing in the idea that we all inevitably take out our pain (whatever it may come from) on others that contradicts the idea that we’re stronger, more powerful, etc.

And its not like the patriarchy and its supporters give a shit if this throws even other men under the bus, because the only thing institutions and systems of power actually care about is POWER.

They’re not our friend, even if in a different life, we could have ended up wielding more of that power than we do in this one. Even if we do in other aspects of our lives gain social and other forms of power more easily/with less obstacles than other people.

They only care what we can do for them, to spread that power, perpetuate it, preserve it....so just like white supremacy will happily screw over poor white people and America doesn’t give a shit about its prison population and the LGBTQ+ community so often ignores the issues of its members of color and so on.....the patriarchy is more than willing to make male survivors from any and all groups and communities take the hit it has no intention of taking by letting it be confirmed its built on sand and bullshit.

So just as much as we’re ingrained from early childhood with the idea that men can’t be victimized the way others can, the linked lesson we’re taught is that men who have been hurt badly or in certain ways will almost certainly end up hurting others.....

With the implicit acknowledgment that there was just an admittance that we can be hurt badly/in certain ways ending up just swiftly glossed over. As the focus is instead kept on the harm done to our hypothetical future victims.

Because the easiest way to keep someone from being sympathetic, is to give people someone else to sympathize with MORE. To give people reason to feel a person doesn’t even deserve your sympathy in the first place.

And so now think about not how often we see men victimized by abuse and rape in media, or how often we see men portrayed as survivors and yes, victims of these things.....

Think instead of how often in media we see men who victimize others, who are the antagonists, the villains, the serial killer/rapist/abuser of the week.......and with it offhandedly being dropped into a scene and then never really focused on again, that these men were almost always said to have been abused or raped or victimized in the past....and this is the REASON for why they all ended up doing what they did.

Suddenly, the numbers go up, don’t they? The second you think about it from THAT angle?

Its just....the reason that angle literally exists to the extent it does in society and the messages we’re fed, the entertainment we’re given.....is because that’s the POINT.

Because its natural for us not to think of any of those men as victims when by the time we find that part out, we’ve already internalized our view of them as victimizers, and solidly put our sympathies with their victims in the present. Because what was done to them in the past doesn’t excuse what they do to others in the present. Being hurt doesn’t give you carte blanche to hurt others. We all know this. Hence....WHY IT WORKS.

Except, this isn’t actually a reflection of reality. The myth of the perpetual cycle of abuse is just that, a myth. Oh, it happens, certainly. With men, with women, quite probably more often with men than women, not much doubt about that....

But its not that it happens, we’re told. That’s not the issue here.

Its that we’re pretty much told it ALWAYS happens. Its always GOING to happen. That there’s no real point in sympathizing with a male victim who is most likely going to end up victimizing someone else in the future and thus he’s not really gonna deserve your sympathy at that point, will he? Which makes him not really worth wasting it on him in the first place. Makes it easy to come up with something to focus on more instead of his story or experiences, something just as deserving of your focus or sympathy, but that you’re less likely to end up regretting in the future like you would if a male survivor you sympathized with now ends up in the news five years down the line for having hurt someone else.

Because over centuries and generations the idea of male survivors at all has been cultivated into having this almost mythic quality, there’s just enough subtle feeling of wrongness around the very idea of it, like, that it just doesn’t quite make sense...that it ends up being almost a relief to give our minds a reason, an explanation for why they don’t have to come up with a way to adjust the paradigm there, to make room for that idea, realign a worldview into one where there’s a specific spot for male survivors much like any other subject that needs focusing on or evaluating for whatever reason.

And this point, this conclusion that no matter how tragic what happened to make a male survivor was, it will only ever ultimately end up in the same spot, with him later on passing along the harm, a warped kind of paying it forward....this is hammered home over and over. We see it everywhere, without even often realizing what it is we’re seeing and internalizing, like with the examples I cited of all the times men are raped in entertainment without it being called that. Its the flip side of that....the times that men are raped in entertainment with it being called that, but swiftly moved past that to introduce the reason not to care that that’s what it was we just saw.

And thus throughout several seasons of Law & Order: SVU we’ve had male survivors, usually teens, who at first seemed eminently sympathetic for what had been done to them.....but who by the end of the episodes, ended up becoming school shooters exacting revenge on their bullies. Or ended up killing the coach who raped them in high school and then went on to rape a dozen others. Or in the last scene of the episode is found kneeling over their abusive father’s corpse with blood on their hands and the detectives standing over them in sadness that now they had to take the boy they thought was the victim away to jail as the victimizer he didn’t have to end up becoming.

Except.....he only becomes that because they make the choice to write him becoming it! Every single time!

Like in 13 Reasons Why, where another male survivor ends up....another school shooter. Or in Criminal Minds, where pretty much every single killer throughout the series ended up with a backstory of abuse and rape and victimization as a child, making it ‘all the more tragic’ and with the protagonists often literally using the phrase “almost like the guy never had a chance.”

Well no, they didn’t. Not when it was written to BE that way.

And then we see the idea root and take hold in audiences. And spread and perpetuated. Validated.

Its why I hate the woobification thing in fandoms, where fans of (white) villain characters fill in their backstory for themselves with all the REASONS they are the way they are, and with the reasons never being that they’re just a sadistic entitled asshole, but because they were hurt. They were abused as a child, they were raped offscreen, the heroes said mean things about them in the burn book once and that’s why they just had to kill the hero’s whole family, see.

And everything comes full circle.....not only is it that all male victims are destined to end up victimizers....its equally true that all male victimizers must have once been male victims. Even if we didn’t see it onscreen or on the page.

Except, and why I loathe that fandom tendency.....

THAT NARRATIVE IS NOT AN INEVITABILITY AND NEVER WAS! The end point and point of origin presented there are NOT innately set in stone!

And all that does is just validate and accept as truth the LIE that patriarchal society puts forth in order to play smoke and mirrors with this one specific facet of human experiences that innately possesses the potential to destabilize the lie at the very rock bottom foundation of everything the patriarchy’s ever built at everyone else’s expense. The reason it offers up for why its not only allowable, its for the best that we look elsewhere from any male victims that actually step forward and say hey, can you all listen to me for a second, I want to tell you what happened to me.

And the fun irony of THIS aspect of things is if you think this woobification fandom thing benefits male survivors as a whole in some way or another, like the tendency of fans to find even villainous victimizers sympathetic means that they can and do sympathize just as much with actual male victims.....I’m fairly certain it doesn’t.

See, because with villains in fandom......this retroactive sympathy for imagined past traumas happens to only the characters that fandom has already decided they liked DESPITE the awful things they’ve done. Its made up to be used as an excuse instead of an explanation....

And like we all know damn well, even if we don’t always admit it or like to acknowledge it....

Explanations are not actually excuses. The harm you do can not be wiped away by the harm done to you.

So, because that’s still inside of us, our awareness of that, even if its ignored on the surface while defending hot white villains or whatever.....it doesn’t actually give anyone reason to ignore the narrative our society constructs around actual male survivors who it encourages people to condemn or ignore on the basis of purely hypothetical FUTURE abuses or wrongdoings.

And after all, you can’t actually decide you can look past the harms a person enacts and still view them as sympathetic if....you don’t actually know yet what those harms are going to end up being and thus whether you can make your peace with them, can you?

You just know that harms WILL be done, so....might as well err on the side of caution and assume they won’t be forgivable when deciding here and now to be thrifty with sympathies and spread any actionable effort taken on behalf of survivors in areas where those sympathies are more likely to be put to better use.

And yeah, all of this plays into why I focus so much on certain aspects of Dick’s narratives, and they usually AREN’T the rapes themselves.

Because for me, for many other male survivors I know......

Acknowledging those happened, examining how he felt when those happened....its not the biggest issue. Just like in our own lives, having it acknowledged or known what was done to us, having to face how it made us feel....that’s not really our primary concern.

Its what happens AFTER that.

How people view us and treat us AFTER their initial sympathies, whatever they are, dry up - which, we’re given reason to believe, they always inevitably will.

Because it isn’t all that different from what I frequently complain of happening with Dick in fandom, and hell, its WHY it bothers me so much, because its literally been a recurrent theme throughout my life:

The most widely acknowledged male survivor in comics, just also happens to coincidentally be....

The character most often spun as having a wicked temper, being almost irrationally angry at times, with his temper being likened to things like an eruption, an earthquake, a NATURAL DISASTER....something to be avoided at all costs, something the other characters fear, with good reason, but also impossible to avoid, because its too intrinsic to his nature. Its an inevitability. Dick Grayson WILL erupt or explode again at some point, and its going to be ugly. Like he’s a time bomb.

Even though....as I frequently go in depth on.....Dick’s never actually been shown as having particularly poor self-control either on just its own merits or specifically in comparison to others. He doesn’t really actually HAVE a track record of taking out his own hurts on others. On giving people REASON to be afraid of his temper even while they continue to take no responsibility for giving him reasons to be angry at all.

Its why I so often emphasize the discrepancy between the fact that whatever someone’s own personal character preferences, the FACT remains that Dick Grayson is the character in this family that most often bears the BRUNT of everyone ELSE’S anger.......just as the fact equally remains that Dick Grayson is still ultimately the character most often singled out in posts and headcanons and fanfics as unleashing his temper on others in unjustifable ways and usually without actual provocation.

None of this is a coincidence to me.

Its how we see over and over again that its okay for Dick Grayson to be angry FOR others, ON others’ behalf....its just when he’s angry FOR HIMSELF, for being taken advantage of, ignored, walked all over or mistreated....that’s when his anger is unjustified. Irrational.

Dangerous.

Or you guys know that one fanon about how Dick forces his hugs on his siblings, and his displays of physical affection are often unwanted, and thus violations?

Yeah, that one hits me right in the Issues too, because again, that’s not remotely supported by anything in canon....there has NEVER been an instance of Dick’s family asking him to cut it our or feeling like......IMPOSED upon because he likes to hug his family.

Its not to say people can’t feel that way about even well-meaning displays of physical affection that aren’t cleared with them first....

Its that this is something that people had to DECIDE to make a thing with Dick and his family. To actually craft the narrative that the many-times victim of unwanted touching was effectively violating his family’s wishes and boundaries every time he hugs them without being asked or invited to.

With that number being however many times a writer wants to write him doing when highlighting it as a violation.

And is this a thing we really see with any other character? Is my question there. How often do you see literally any other character being chewed out or resented for....hugging?

Just the one character most known for giving physical affection freely with his FAMILY and close friends.....

Who just so happens to also be the one character most often the guy who has his bodily autonomy violated.

The canon rape survivor has literally had HUGS weaponzed against him.

With the end result being.....every time he does it, every time this pings on a reader’s radar as Bad and Unwelcome....the linked takeaway is its one more reason for that reader to then ask themselves....well if he doesn’t care whether other people want him touching them, why should I care when he doesn’t want people touching him either?

Which ultimately just winds up another form of: why should I feel bad if bad things happened to someone who isn’t really that great of a person?

See what I mean?

Its all connected. Its not me getting frustrated with a bunch of different random things, its all the same thing at the end of the day, all so often traceable back to the same places.

I couldn’t untangle myself from so much of this and how it impacts me and my view of things even if I wanted to, to such an extent that in the end, want really has very little to do with it.

(And uh, you think those bug the shit out of me, let me tell you about just the very SIGHT of all those fics where Dick the widely acknowledged, perhaps best known male rape victim in comics.....is a rapist himself. Because yeah....even if people like to keep their incest light and fluffy or sweet instead of predatory, to someone who is y’know, personally familiar with all of this, Dick and ANY of his younger brothers is never going to appear as anything BUT predatory. As yet one more time where the linear journey of a male survivor all the way to the final evolution into male predator is born out and treated as so matter-of-fact, so inevitable, it hardly warrants noting as anything especially obscene or gross to write about a character famous for his survivor status. And its not like Dick is actually the only character in the franchise I like, so its not like its any better when its Jason painted as the aggressor in a fic, for instance....and while I will always be hugely critical of how Bruce is written as abusive in canon, that’s a wildly different thing from sexually preying on his sons so again, seeing him as his own sons’ rapists is yet again more upsetting than most people would think without connecting Bruce’s own status as a canon rape survivor, whether we like that story or not.....and plugging it into again, this pre-programmed route traveling from survivor to predator, over and over again. Victim to victimizer. Like clockwork.)

Anyway, my point is not to harp on this but rather to just lay it out there in this way. And how it plays into so much of my own personal approach to dealing with all of this when it comes up.......because the simple fact is I have to, there is no opt-out lol, and it comes up a lot, in large part because its so easy t reframe as being something else that most people who don’t have direct experience being directly impacted by all of this in its various myriad expressions are understandably not going to see it pinging on their radar and getting logged into their awareness the way it always does in mine.

*Shrugs* It is what it is. Its there. Avoiding it has never done me any favors, so.......as I so often demonstrate in a variety of degrees of Hmm Probably Coulda Done That Better, lol, I try and deal with things head-on and adjust as needed.

Easier said than done, not always pulled off, never any guarantee that I’m going about things the right way, just that like.....

There’s problems that need addressing that stem from all of this, and I know where mine lie and put a lot, a LOT of effort into addressing them and keeping an eye on them and not letting them get the better of me.

But the flipside of paying that close attention and that much means I’m also keenly aware of when and where I couldn’t take responsibility even if I wanted to, because the responsibility literally just isn’t mine to take....because yeah, I live in a society but guess what, so does everyone else, and its the same damn society, so at the end of the day, no matter HOW well or not I go about handling the matter of my rapes and their overall impact and shaping of my life.....that’s just me handling the rape part of things.

The rape culture? And how THAT affects and informs every survivor’s life in whatever way it does going forward?

That’s kinda.....only ever going to be improved upon or not, on like....a cultural scale. That’s a society thing. Not a survivor thing.

Because we are all shaped by our cultures, every aspect of our cultures, and this one is unfortunately no different. But, its shaped by us too.

But to actually shape it INTO something, or more accurately, to shape it into LESS of what it is, blunt some of its edges, lessen some of its ability to do harm to survivors, to compound the harm already done.....

Something like THAT requires intent. Conscious effort.

And intent requires like....first being able to SEE what problems need addressing.

And that’s kiiiiinda the whole point of survivors coming forward when so rarely, so MINUTELY does it EVER result in actionable justice for that individual survivor.

And I don’t for a second believe a single one ever believes or assumes otherwise.

Cuz its super not fun. It never like......I don’t fucking know how it looks to other people, tbh, because I’ve literally been a survivor since before I even really knew that I was being abused or molested, that there was something I was surviving....but trust me, I’ve thought about it, I’ve wondered, and I don’t know if like, people think a survivor ‘telling their story’ is somehow an equivalent of like, getting a book deal or something, there’s the attention it brings after all, and isn’t there that saying that no publicity is bad publicity.....

LOL. Yeah. Umm. Just saying, if you don’t have personal experience as a survivor having come forward or shared openly about your experiences, let me refer you to another saying as counterpoint: Don’t believe everything you hear.

Cuz that’s definitely not one anyone else ever forgets when ‘listening’ to any of us.

Anyway, wrapping this up by bringing it back to like.....my extremely evident mood and irration of this past week.....this is ALL connected, this is ALL part and parcel of every single time this comes up as an issue for me and its never less of one at one time than it is at another, its never a little easier this time because this reason or that....its always the same damn frustration every single time. Stuff like this doesn’t get doled out in manageable portions, its all or nothing. Its either a problem right this current second or its not, and if its not, that’s only until the next time its a problem again, likely sooner rather than later.

And that’s the part that makes me talk about this as much as I do, and get as frustrated as I do when people just do not seem to get.....

I don’t have an off switch on this matter because there IS no off switch for me. The times I get frustrated and vent about this stuff are actually only at MOST a TENTH of how often it rears its head for me to deal with.....the times my reactions or responses boil over into public view, into something you guys see, or ‘have to deal with’ are literally just the times where there is no keeping a lid on it because the pot was already full to start with.

And so it really. Epically. Beyoooooond doesn’t help matters, when despite being the only male survivor I’m aware of being consistently vocal on the matter in the only fandom I know of where a prominant male character is almost universally acknowledged as a survivor....

I usually only ever hear the response:

“Mmmmmm, I’m not really sure what makes you think there’s a problem here and that it has anything to do with us, when see, I don’t agree, and I don’t really see why you think your opinion on the matter of how this particular character is written about and viewed and depicted interacting with others and how fandom interacts with him, is like.....of any kind of real relevance? This is just like....your opinion, man.”

Me: ........have I ever claimed for a second it wasn’t? Didn’t I use those exact words at least once in all of this already?

fahsklhfaklhflakfhalffha

Cuz for the record, ultimately, that’s what this all boils down to. I’ve wanted to post about this stuff for awhile now, but make no mistake:

It literally is all just my opinion? Formed of my own personal experiences and the conclusions I’ve taken away from them. Laid out as fully and extensively as I can manage, specifically SO people can take all of that into context when deciding for themselves how much weight or not to GIVE my opinion......

In which case, y’know, the experiences I have with this matter and how they correlate to these opinions, like, have contextual relevance and seem necessary to include.

Its NOT because I’m trying to use them to browbeat everyone into agreeing with me because I think I’m the only one whose opinion matters here, lol.

No. Just that like....it DOES matter? And its kinda exhausting when people act like all of this is arbitrary and abstract to me, that its some kind of superiority complex or me moralizing from a pulpit or some shit when I’m literally saying none of it is abstract or arbitrary to me, and the louder I say that, the more people THEN say “oh so basically your opinion is the only one that matters here unless we disclose the same kind of experiences or background huh?”

*headdesk*

I just.....it seems my stance is either born of self-righteousness and nothing personal whatsoever....unless I make enough of a fuss about how that’s NOT true, in which case my stance is that apparently I think I’m the only one who is allowed to have an opinion here because I’ve made such a point about it being personal.

But its definitely not that people are just determined to invalidate anything I have to say on this subject one way or another, right?

Anyway.

So all of that’s like...whatever that was. Make of it what you guys will, but I do hope that at least for some people whom it might be a new perspective or new information to, you’ll consider asking why is it that in a fandom that prominently features a canon male survivor whose survivorhood is so frequently denoted as a key and critical part of his character....someone like me, who is frequently cited as a resource on many, many other kinds of meta about Dick Grayson......seems to have more people interested in discouraging me from ever expounding on my own experiences in this matter and any correlations I see between those and Dick’s experiences and narratives, than there are people interested in like......utilizing me as the freaking resource on male survivor experiences and viewpoints that I’ve literally been out here offering to be from day one....specifically BECAUSE of how rarely men are viewed as coming forward and being open about our shit here.

*Shrugs*

Just food for thought.

#rape cw

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not-a-space-alien · 7 years

Text

(fuck this i wanted to go on anon but you know what i don't want to go through all the process of logging out, typing the submission then logging in again so here i am off anon)

alright so here it goes

first things first, i’m french and i’m quite unfamiliar with the concept of GPA (although i roughly know what it is), so i’m going to use the french grading system which is on 20 when talking about grades. to give you an idea:

a grade under 10 is bad, most likely either misunderstood the question, didn’t know any answer, or didn’t study at all.

10 to 12 is average-low

12 to 14 is average

14 to 17 is good

17 to 20 is excellent (it’s pretty uncommon to get such a high average grade though since that would mean almost no mistakes ever in any test)

now, i was a good student in middle school. most of the time, my average was around 16 or 17/20, i never caused trouble, teachers liked me. the only thing i hated (except being bullied and having only “friends” who made fun of me) was PE. do you know want to know why?

it’s a mandatory class

if you don’t have any friends or if the people you’re doing sports with don’t like you, chances are they’re not going to play with you and you’re going to get a shitty grade even if the teacher knows it’s not your fault and you’re doing what you can

the PE grade counts in your average grade for the trimester and the year

you only get one or two grades per trimester, which means if you fuck up twice you can’t bring the average grade up again (there is no extra credit to salvage it)

you only practice the sport for 2 hours per week for 5 or 6 weeks, then you’re graded and you switch to another sport, which means you don’t actually get the time to get better at something. the moment you finally start to get used to it, it’s over

why is PE a mandatory class? according to the teacher i asked when i was in school, it’s because physical exercise is important.

i agree, but then why is it necessary to get grades for it? the teacher said it’s because that way kids who aren’t good at studying but are good at sports can get their average grade up a little thanks to it.

that’s great, but then what about kids who aren’t good at sports? i was always doing my best but my best was a 9/20 and a few unlucky times, a 7/20.

why not make it a bonus?

is it because they fear it would encourage kids to slack off during PE?

let me say that kind of incentive sucks, it only made me stress over PE class because i knew i would never get a good grade and i knew it would make my average grade drop by a point or two. it never made me better or more serious about sports because i was already trying my best and my best was 10/20 at most. let’s say my average grade sans PE was 17/20 and i’ve got 6 subjects (can’t remember the exact number but it’s pretty close): french, english, maths, biology, physics and PE. now i fuck up in PE and get a 7/20. let’s assume each grade is worth the same and calculate my average grade with PE: 17 x 5 + 7 = 92. then 92 divided by 6 and we get 15.33. i went from 17 to 15 just because of PE. it’s still a fairly good grade but it’s not the same thing.

and that was the case for a person who’s good at studying, but what about people who aren’t? i had a “friend” whose average was around 11/20 and her PE grades were around 5. her average grade didn’t benefit from PE at all.

the general atmosphere of PE classes is pretty bad. you’re restricted by many things:

you don’t get many hours of practice per week: 2 hours, once a week, you can’t just become good at something magically with so little practice especially since you change sports every 5 or 6 weeks. i understand that learning different sports is a good thing but it’s extremely frustrating to start getting good at something then you get an average grade and switch to another sport you haven’t practiced for a year which is going to take you 5 weeks getting used to only to get an average grade and switch to another sport.

in team sports, if the team sucks, you get a lower grade than other teams. if the team doesn’t like you, they won’t play with you and you’ll get a shitty grade because the teacher needs to have something to grade and if you show nothing you get nothing.

in individual sports, if the people you compete against are strong, no matter how good you’re getting you’ll still be the loser and get a lower grade than them

it’s downright unfair, in my opinion, that the reason for your grade isn’t just your own performance but the performance of other people as well. it’s like asking 4 kids to do presentations and then decide the best one will get 20, the second best 15, the second to last one gets 10 and the last will get 5.

what do i think we should do instead?

have PE be about physical exercise more than about practicing sports. i would rather spend 20 min every day doing aerobic exercises than 2 hours once a week trying to learn a sport which usually involves a lot of waiting and running/walking after a ball.

i understand that competition is important but i think it should be better to compete against yourself and progressing rather than comparing yourself to others and feeling like a loser. there is always a loser and a winner and usually it’s the same few students who are stuck in the loser group and can’t get out even if they work hard and progress and i think that’s unfair

also, i think one thing that would be great is to start with easy exercises and gradually increase the level of difficulty and to be consistent in such a way that everyone even the ones with the most difficulties can reach a certain standard and will always keep to that standard. (i’m thinking for stuff like push ups for example or in gym class with things like standing on your hands)

have more PE, more spread out around the week. maybe 3 or 4 times instead of just once a week. so you have time to get used to the things you practice and more importantly so it actually serves as physical exercise. it’s better to do less more often than do more only one day of the week and nothing during the rest of the week

this reminds me: teach how to warm-up and stretch. not just a couple times. every time. i recently met with a cousin who is in her 30s and she didn’t know how to stretch so me and my brother had to show her and i bet if teachers drilled warm ups and stretching into our heads instead of just leaving all this up to us we wouldn’t have this kind of problem

i think i’m done now. thanks for reading haha i can’t believe i pretty much spent 2 hours writing all of this and i didn’t even manage to organize it neatly sorry

(also it’s late so please forgive any typos/weirdly phrased sentences and thank you for taking the time to read this i hope it makes sense^^)

Oh my GOD. i feel this so hard. I’m having flashbacks to high school here because gym class was so so so so awful if you didn’t have any friends in it. There were semesters where i actually shuffled my schedule around to be in gym with my friends because it was just so awful to be in there alone. Fortunately for me I was never graded on performance, just participation (ie, if you changed your clothes and actually made an attempt to exercise, you got full credit). The thing about my high school was that we didn’t have the opportunity to shower (I don’t remember if there were even showers there but there definitely wasn’t enough time for all of us to shower and dry off before getting to our next class? we had like, 5 minutes between being dismissed and the next class starting), and we had gym every day, so like? I would have liked to exercise, but I also didn’t want to be known as that person who always smelled like body odor, so I mostly just walked on the track and talked with my friends. The group was too big for us all to do one activity like play a game of sportsball, so everyone got to pick whatever they wanted to do, so that wasn’t so bad.

and then one semester. oh fucking boy. someone on the school board decided we had to have more tests!!! even in fucking gym class!! a written test!!! It was one of those things where the coach/teacher could have not taken it very seriously and just made it easy to help us get As (the swimming teacher did that) but they didn’t, they made it a serious test with real actual hard questions

about

sportsball

In the American school system a 4.0 is a perfect grade average and I managed to achieve that for all 4 years of high school, which is I’m pretty sure the reason why i made it into a good college because i didn’t do jack shit for extracurricular activities and the resume-building bullshit that everyone else did. This ONE test in FUCKING GYM CLASS almost wrecked that. We were given NO preparation, NO material to study, there was NO advanced warning about what would be on the test. The questions weren’t even about activities we had been doing in class; one was about calculating batting average despite the fact that we didn’t have the equipment to play baseball there. I managed to get a low C and only got that much because a lot of the questions were about which muscles certain exercises work, and I remembered everything from my anatomy class. My grade for that semester managed to stay above an A, but only because I had perfect participation, otherwise it would have been goodbye 4.0. I switched back to swimming eventually

tl;dr gym class is a fucking scam

#personal #submission #atrilam #long post

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bsd-hq-writer · 7 years

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WHACHA MEAN IT IS STILL BEAUTIFUL> ADMIN LAURA. IF i could get part 4. You don't have to if you are not up for it. But thank you for the parts

Thank for for supporting me! Hope you like this.

Reader’s POV

Making yourself feel negative emotions was the easy part. The hard part, had been seeing how broken the sticks got. Of course, they were very skinny sticks so very were easily broken but the shock wave you released didn’t even take a millisecond to break them. The broken parts also didn’t hang from the sticks, they were all completely severed. Where once were 20 sticks, now were 40.

All Might, Midoriya and Aizawa all had watched your performance from the bleachers, at a safe distant. A simply safety measure.

Your first shock wave had had a radius of 6 centimeters. Aizawa asked you to try a few more times after he sent Midoriya to get more sticks. The second wave got as far as 10 centimeters. The third, got 12. The fourth and fifth couldn’t get past that.

“So that’s your radius for now.” Aizawa pointed at the twelfth broken stick after coming down from the bleachers. “We needed to know that because one, you should know as much as about your quirk as possible and two, we know how far away to stay while we train you.”

“Okay.” You listened carefully, Aizawa seemed like he had more to say.

“You need to disconnect your quirk from your emotions. You have to own it, maybe think of it as a part of your own body that you can control.” He stood by, hands crossed over his chest with a pensive expression on his face. “That might take a while.”

“We already knows she can trigger her quirk by feeling negative things. Of course that’s not ideal but it’s something.” Midoriya yelled from up where he was, he started sprinting down the stairs a second later. He stopped right in front of you. “I know you’ve had bad experiences because of your quirk but it’s not all bad. I’m sure you can think of positive things about it.”

The moment you hit Todoroki replied in your head again. It triggered a series of painful memories, like all the friends you lost in middle school. All the friends who didn’t want to be near you after you hurt one of their friends. You also remembered the time you accidentally used your power against your dad, making him leave your mom to take care of you on her own. All the tragic moments in your life only happened because of your quirk.

You could not see a silver lining.

You shook your head at your friend, looking at the ground. “I can’t, Midoriya-kun. I really can’t.”

Midoriya stretched out his hand to touch you. He touched your arm and it was the first time he ever got so close to you after the accident. He wasn’t acting scared anymore.

“You can’t go on like this, Y/N-chan.” His words made you look up again. “You’ll be torturing yourself for the rest of your life. And Todoroki-kun…” He stopped, as if he was not sure he should’ve spoken his name. He continue when your eyebrows furrowed, pleadingly. “Todoroki-kun isn’t scared of you, Y/N. He never was. But he did get hurt. I know you well enough to know you don’t want that to happen again.”

Your lips trembled as tears threatened to fall. Every word he said about you was true and you couldn’t argue against them. Yet you felt so weak and unmotivated. You wanted to give up right then.

Instead, you shook your head violently. So much, it made Midoriya take a few steps back in alarm. After that, you slapped your own cheeks, something Uraraka always did when she needed go focus.

“I really don’t.” You agreed. “I’m going to kick my own quirk’s ass.”

“You sound like Kacchan.” Midoriya said, smiling.

Of course that by the end of the day, your progress had been very little. Regardless, you couldn’t let yourself feel hopeless anymore. There was no room for hopeless.

When you got back home, you were ready to tell your mom what you had spent all your afternoon and part of the night doing. You found that Y/M/N had been waiting, anxiously, sitting on the couch with the TV turned on.

She hugged you tight as soon as you stepped through the door, not giving you time to close it before she squeezed you.

“Mom, I never went off to war, you know that right?” You joked, laughing in relief.

She gave you another squeeze. “I always worry about you, Y/N. It’s my job as a mother.”

“I know, I know.” Both of you pulled apart. “Wanna hear all that I did today?”

Your mother smiled but you soon realized, she was only mirroring your own expression. No matter how tired you were then, and how lonely you had felt in the begging of it all, you were genuinely happy with the decision to get control over your quirk. You were happy that you have two beloved teachers who made sure to be there to help you, you were happy you had a best friend who thought of everything you could do to help yourself, you were happy to have a mother that worried.

“I’d loved to.” Was the worried mother’s response.

Todoroki’s POV

Some of his classmates looked at him with pity.

“Oh look at the boy who got messed up by his own girlfriend. He’s such a pity case.”

No one said it out loud, and no one actually thought that either. His classmates were worried. They cared about him as he did for them. Yet the stares were uncomfortable and their conviction to avoid the topic at all costs was unnerving.

Todoroki wished with every cell of his body that Y/N could come back to class already. The thought was absurd, he knew. She would take long to return there, if she did at all.

As the students talked to him about all sorts of random things - except Y/N and what she did to him -, Todoroki spaced off. It wasn’t until Midoriya called that he came back down to planet Earth.

“You okay?” He asked his friend, who was clearly distressed.

“Yes.” Todoroki replied, untruthfully.

Midoriya sat on the desk next to his friend’s. “You’re dying to hear from Y/N.” He didn’t need to ask.

Todoroki grinned his teeth. “Even her mom won’t let me see her.”

“It’s a good thing, Todoroki-kun.” Midoriya said as if it was a reminder. “She needs time. And space. You either have to be patient or move on.”

“I don’t exactly have much to move on from.” Todoroki was unintentionally rude. He sighed to make himself before opening up his mouth again. “It’s just that… She gave me a note. That was all I got. I don’t know what she’s doing now, or if she’s thinking of me at all, or anything. I don’t have much to move on from.”

Before Midoriya could continue to reassure his friend, a teacher entered the room and class began. Todoroki knew his friend was trying to come up with more to tell him, but failed. He silently appreciated having Midoriya as a friend.

After classes were over, Todoroki wanted to walk back home alone. His plans were interrupted when Uraraka caught up to him near the exist.

“I need to talk to you.” She breathed the words out, hyperventilating. She had been running to get to him.

“Then do.” He replied while he kept walking, looking right ahead.

“You have to understand,” Uraraka sighed. “pushing you away was probably one of the most hurtful things Y/N ever did. More for her than for you. And if she could redo everything, be born with a different quirk or even quirkless, she would. She’d redo everything if it meant she never hurt you and you were still together. But she’ll be dammed before she lets herself get near you again right now. Not while she can’t control her quirk.”

Todoroki thought about her words for some time before responding. The silent in between her speech and his felt necessary. “Does that means she’s working on it now? On how to control her quirk?”

Uraraka nodded. “She has lots of help. And you know how determined she gets…”

“I do.” Todoroki smiled to himself as Uraraka stopped walking and he continued on his way home.

Reader’s POV

Next time you trained, Aizawa took you to the same place, with the same people watching. Except this time, Uraraka showed up as well. She ran up to hug you. It was the first time you had seen each other in almost a month.

“Don’t push us away again.” She whispered, squeezing you tight.

You wanted to say you wouldn’t. You wanted to believe you wouldn’t. You just couldn’t be sure. You simply gave a nod.

“Midoriya-shounen was right.” All Might said suddenly. “When he said there are positive points to your quirk, Y/N. Quirks aren’t all bad or all good, they distinction doesn’t apply to them. You have to put that in your head, or you’ll always think your quirk is a burden.”

“You’ll never get control over your quirk if you keep thinking of it as a problem.” Aizawa completed.

“We wanted to come up with exercises for you to do but you should feel comfortable with them, so we’re discussing it now.” The other teacher put a hand on your shoulder as a gesture of comfort.

You nodded at him, agreeing.

“Hey, Y/N. Do you think you can aim your quirk?” Midoriya questioned, finally speaking up. “Cause if you can, Uraraka-san would make some stuff float and you could aim your wave at them.”

“It’s worth a try.” All Might looked at you and subsequently everybody else did. They waited for your response.

“Yeah…” You agreed more out of pressure than of certainty that you could do it. “I meant… why not?”

~Admin Laura

#admin laura #todoroki shouto #midoriya izuki #bnha scenarios #bnha #boku no hero academia #uraraka ochako #aizawa shota #all might #shouto todoroki

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