#experiences with exorsexism

[genderkoolaid]

Does being told that I'm either an "egg" in denial or a cis woman trying to feel special and invading trans spaces count as exorsexism?

Absolutely. The idea that NB/GQ identity is either a stepping stone to being binary trans before you can let yourself realize it, or just cis people with wacky presentations that has nothing to do with your gender, is a very old exorsexist idea in trans spaces.

[our-abinary-experience]

it is interesting how many people pride themselves in supporting transgender and nonbinary people, but apparently that support stops when we're too far removed from the binary and/or simply don't want terms with binary connotations applied to us. you just literally took your mask off and are showing us you only support nonbinary people if they're related to the binary or are at least comfortable being put into binaries. that is, you basically don't support nonbinary people at all. like, please fucking tell me what terms we're left with if almost every term is based on the binary. of course we have to make up our own shit. the world wasn't built for us so we have to create small parts of the world that are for us. mocking that just means you hate nonbinary people as a whole. and every single term we create either gets mocked for being uncommon or "weird" or demonised for supposedly being transmisic.

if your support for nonbinary people stops at

abinary people

xenogender people

neopronouns users

nonbinary people who use uncommon terms

nonbinary people who aren't comfortable being grouped into any sort of binary

nonbinary people who use "contradictory" labels

then you're not a nonbinary ally and not a transgender ally and not a queer ally. it's either all of us or none of us.

"i support nonbinary people, but..." will NEVER be allyship.

[trans-androgyne]

They always say “read Whipping Girl” but never warn you how often the book is hostile towards or just straight up wrong about transmasculine & non-binary people whenever they’re brought up. Like I’m starting to see why so many people who say that are transandrophobic tbh

[our-lesboy-experience]

it drives me crazy how ppl delegitimate our genders by making multigender men seem as less of a man. they only "recognize" us if we act as if "gender is fake"

I can literally tell how these people see multigender people's genders as less legitimate or "other" from binary people's genders from just having conversations with them. it's literally in their wording. they just say "men" and when I bring up multigender men they go "I meant cis/trans men 🙄🙄🙄" like okay but that's not what you said

[nonbinarymlm]

I wish there were more posts on malgendering sharing many different trans experiences. I think every trans person (and likely other LGBTQIA+ and GNC folk) have experiences with it and it’s so insidious.

So. This is going to be an open post for LGBTQIA+ folk, particularly trans and intersex folk, to talk about your experiences with malgendering.

Malgendering is when you’re gendered correctly, but that gendering is treated negatively or used to justify bad treatment. It could include a wide range of behaviors, from trying to silence trans people who discuss their experiences from before coming out to being passive aggressive about gendering someone correctly to using a trans person’s gender so justify violence.

Do you have any experiences with Malgendering that you’d like to share? Aspects of it that you want others to understand? Would you prefer being misgendered or malgendered? This is a post to share your experiences and thoughts! (While respecting others.)

[hazel2468]

I know I've said something similar before but like.

People are all "uwu we shouldn't let kids do hormone blockers or have surgeries because children can't consent to that!" and like. Aside from the fact that no one is doing gender affirming procedures on kids.

I would be willing to bet my left tit that these are the EXACT same fucks who would have given me shit from middle to high school and into college about getting laser hair removal, about my voice change from a soprano to an alto (not severe but noticeable, as I was a singer), who said I should amputate my healthy stomach so I could be more thin and "ladylike", who gave me ENDLESS shit for my body hair, including facial hair, who demanded I shave and pluck and squeeze myself into clothes and an image that didn't fit me and who ENCOURAGED me to take medications and have procedures that would permanently alter (and in the case of weight loss surgery? Damage, most likely) my body to fit what THEY thought I should be.

All because I have PCOS. My body is not what people expect of a cis woman's body.

Gee. It's almost like it has nothing to do with kids not consenting, and EVERYTHING to do with these chucklefucks wanting to deny trans kids access to life-saving care AND wanting to force intersex kids into medical treatment that they, by their own logic, cannot consent to.

But that's all fine when they're making us intersex folks "normal", huh?

[faggypuppywhore]

Everyday i open this app and I see posts telling me my lived experiences don't matter because I don't fit into the binary of trans oppression yall have created and I fucking hate it

[nonbinary-vents]

Nonbinary discourse is so ridiculous, because the people partaking in it seem to make sure that no enben are actually a part of it. Someone will say something like ‘nonbinary people never transition’, argue with a bunch of non enben about it, and then completely ignore an actual nonbinary person saying ‘hey, I’m transitioning!’ to go back to fighting with the imaginary nonbinary person they’ve made in their head

[this-is-exorsexism]

exorsexism is people not understanding that I can be a masculine-aligned and male-aligned genderqueer/nonbinary woman. being cross-aligned is a real thing!! and I shouldn't have to use a label I don't really see as fitting me anymore (butch) for people to understand that.

same for feminine-aligned and female-aligned genderqueer/nonbinary men. and for cross-aligned agender men and agender women.

(also no you don't HAVE to be multigender to be cross-aligned. alignment(s) =/= gender(s). you can be a totally unaligned man or woman or any kind either ffs. I have one gender!)

this is exorsexism.

[transmaverique]

'binary' isnt a slur, it isnt a mean word, it isnt a bad word. there are differences between how binary trans people are treated by others both within and outside of the trans community, between how you move through Cisiety and are harmed within it, and how nonbinary trans people are. there are things binary trans people are benefited by that actively hurt nonbinary trans people, and ime, whenever i bring those things up as being harmful to me, binary trans people wave them away because they are beneficial to them as binary people.

i dont need to coddle or comfort you and say things like "ohhh yes of course your gender is just as multifaceted and complex as minee!!". i don't need to justify myself when i point out that being or passing as a binary gender brings can give you certain situational advantages that being nonbinary bars from me. i dont need to continuously capitulate, i dont need to be constantly scared over whether or not im hurting your feelings by asking you to acknowledge my experiences as a nonbinary trans person.

[genderkoolaid]

For the exorsexism thing:

I have a weird, horrible relationship with gender that leads me to the generally correct labels of “lesbian man”

Because of this, my genderqueerness and my refusal to make myself palatable, I have been harassed by peers multiple times. By friends, even. So I’ve stopped bringing up my dykishness in public places.

It’s not institutional but it is a part of our current queer culture. Everyone expects us all to be Good Queers, and have digestible labels, and be able to explain, and defend those labels in debates (in which they will not listen to you even for one second once you’ve been deemed the wrong sort of queer).

It’s frustrating to have to hide my lesbianism to remain acceptable to the only people that are safe to be around

Oh I relate to this hard. Queer spaces will say they are nonbinary inclusive and then get mad when NB/GQ people will use "weird" labeling to identify. Even though cultural exorsexism means we literally have no choice but to either create our own language (which will be mocked and derided as cringe, useless, unnecessary, etc.) or adapt binary language to express our existence (which will be labeled Bad using a number of excuses that all boil down to "stop threatening the binary you're scaring the squares!!!)

Thank you for sharing.

[our-abinary-experience]

let's talk about anti-xenogender bigotry, as it often reveals a lot of how people see gender, and especially nonbinary gender.

this post in particular is inspired by a reddit post i found by accident when i just wanted to download the xenogender flag (lol).

the post was shared by a trans woman who claimed that xenogenders aren't genders and thus not valid. she made sure though to say that she totally supports nonbinary people.

her first point on why xenogenders don't exist was that how valid a gender is is determined by its societal support, and since xenogenders are only supported in "fringe extremist "trans" spaces", they aren't real.

firstly, interesting that any trans person who supports xenogender people gets their trans card revoked. we're no longer trans, we're "trans".

secondly, hinging the validity of a gender on the amount of social support it has directly contradicts with her supposed support of nonbinary people. maybe she happens to live in the most nonbinary-friendly place ever, but overall, the very concept of nonbinary gender does not have a lot of societal support. so, according to her logic, nonbinary people are inherently less valid than binary people. some might even say that only fringe extremist "trans" spaces support nonbinary people. and, while trans itself is not a gender, if we add gender modality to the mix, then binary trans people don't exactly have massive societal support either. as a trans woman, does she consider her womanhood less valid than cis women's? basing the validity of a gender on societal support doesn't make any sense because there actually isn't a single monolithic society, and the societies that have historically recognised and celebrated more than two genders have been forcibly binarised by white european colonisers. did nonbinary gender become less valid over time and now it's slowly gaining validity as support for us is slowly growing? none of her logic in this makes sense. her rhetoric is inherently exorsexist and binarist, not just against xenogenders but basically against any nonbinary gender which she claims to support, and against cultural genders too.

the "societal support" argument completely falls apart because it means that every marginalised identity of any kind is inherently less valid and less real. she's revealing her bigotry here: it's not really about societal support, it's about which genders she arbitrarily decides are real and valid.

her second argument why xenogenders are not real was that any gender that exists outside of a triangle of male, female and genderless doesn't exist. you can only slide between those, like being hallway between male and genderless or in the middle of all three, but not outside. this is the classic gender trinary of male/female/agender and it's how i used to see gender as a baby enby.

firstly, gender isn't bound to whatever spectrum you personally decide is acceptable. there are many ways to be outside of that triangle besides xenogenderness. this logic basically says that the only valid way to be abinary is to be agender. not even abinary men or women exist in that logic, since the concept of abinary doesn't exist besides agenderness.

so, how can someone say she supports nonbinary people while saying a whole lot of us aren't real, even the ones who aren't xenogender, simply because she, as a binary person, thinks she has the right to decide what the gender spectrum looks like and whose gender is real and whose isn't?

all her points on why xenogenders aren't real also apply to multiple or all nonbinary genders. especially coming from a binary person, it reveals a huge ignorance to the nonbinary experience as well as a very narrow view of gender.

we're all in this together. clearly, exorsexists can't tell the difference between someone who is xenogender or someone who is, for example, ilyagender, or maybe even someone who happens to be within that gender triangle but within that have a gender that is not socially supported, like proxvir.

this is all the more reason for all of us nonbinary people to stick together and not draw lines in the sand about which nonbinary gender is valid and acceptable. if something harms one of us, they always end up harming all of us in some way. we're in this together.

[trans-androgyne]

Oh, you’re transfem and you don’t like the word transandrophobia? Boohoo. Your opinion matters exactly as much as transmascs’ opinions on the word transmisogyny and binary trans people’s opinions on the word exorsexism. I am sick of being in the minority for believing that an oppressed group should be the only one giving input on how their oppression is discussed. Before you try to pull something about tme/tma, that’s exactly the problem I have with it too. Call yourself tma all you want. But if you’re telling other people they’re exempt from a broad system of oppression no matter what experiences they may have and share? You’re pulling this shit too.

[boywithbear]

randomly thinking about how the anti "transandrophobia truthers" people never think trans men ever face misogyny, especially if they're out of the closet and can pass as a man, and i'm here masculine as hell and would pass to THEM but yet my voice gets me misgendered all the time, to the point during phone calls people will refuse to believe I am who I say I am because of the masculine name not matching up with the voice and so they always automatically assume I am my own sister or mother, and my own urogynecologist fully sees me as a woman despite my FULL BEARD and my bear of a body

like yeah totally i completely have all the same exact experiences and privileges as a cis man! /s

Edit: actually lol to make the point further, I am still here with the full beard and masculine attire and so I'm probably what they'd call "cishet passing" and yet when I go out, I am misgendered ALL the time now because of the combination of my voice, my long hair, and wearing a mask that covers up a good bit of my face. I'm misgendered more than I'm gendered correctly, actually. Like really blows my mind bc I will see these ppl call ppl they dont even KNOW irl "cishet passing" based on seeing pictures of them when that doesn't = reality and also that's a fucking gross ass term.

[queerasf4ck]

“Nonbinary people aren’t oppressed and need to stop talking over binary trans people,” says the person loudly talking over nonbinary people and who has never bothered to listen to nonbinary people speak about the oppression they face.

[samaspic31]

Nothing makes me angrier than people trying to validate trans people’s gender through sexism. That’s not fucking helping anyone im not here to validate your misogyny and i do not agree with your gender stereotypes i don’t care that you accept gender conforming trans people in it