#our abinary experience

[our-abinary-experience]

"abinary people can be gay, lesbian, veldian & straight" & "orientations that are explicitly inclusive of abinary people need more visibility and to be taken more seriously" are two statements that can and should coexist.

i see way too much "abinary people can be lesbian etc." and not nearly enough people lifting up orientations that are more explicit in our genders or in people's attraction to us. tbh, this is true for midbinary genders too. there's way more "nonbinary people can use [orientation with binary connotations]" and not enough "look at these orientations that honour us".

trixic, toric, enbian and other mestric labels for specific genders deserve as much love as lesbian, sapphic, gay, achillean, veldian.

not to forget there are many people who are both! for some people, "gay" just doesn't tell the full story and they might identify as a toric gay specifically.

all abinary experiences of orientation deserve visibility.

[our-xenogender-experience]

Whenever I see someone identifying as xenogender they almost always have a specific thing they corelate their gender with (like a song-gender or a sky-gender exc.)

But I like using Xenogender to just mean something that doesn't fit with how people normally see genders in the female/male/nonbinary categories but it's still a strong gender, and I've been worrying recently that I shouldn't using Xenogender like that '^^

Any advice?

You can absolutely use xenogender however it works best for you!! Sounds a bit like you might like the term abinary or maverique though, if you want to see what those are! If you like xenogender though then go with it!

@our-abinary-experience and @our-maverique-experience are blogs you can check out for that!!

[it-is-only-a-novel]

Our X experience blogs master post

There are a bunch of our-_-experince blogs that are totally awesome, and I haven't seen a master post yet. So here goes, in no particular order:

our-queer-experience

our-abinary-experience

our-nonbinary-experience

our-genderqueer-experience

our-genderfluid-experience

our-aroace-experience

our-transmasculine-experience

our-transfeminine-experience

@our-maverique-experience

@our-sapphic-experience

@transsexual-experiences

@our-bigender-experience

@our-genderflux-experience

@our-multigender-experience

@our-mspec-experience

@our-asexual-experience

@our-transhet-experience

@our-transgender-experiences

@our-xenogender-experience

@our-unlabelled-experience

@our-mlm-experience

@our-t4t-experience

@our-bisexual-experience

@our-aromantic-experience

@our-queerplatonic-experience

@our-demiboy-experience

@our-outherly-experience

@our-lgbtq-brazilian-experience

@our-questioning-experience

@our-abro-experience

@our-pansexual-experience

@our-afab-transfem-experience

@our-polyamorous-experience

@our-boyflux-experience

@our-voidpunk-experience

@our-agender-experience

@our-aplatonic-experience

@our-butch-experience

@our-futch-experience

@our-femme-experience

@our-androgyne-experience

@our-demigirl-experience

@our-loveless-experience

@our-gnc-experience

@our-gay-experience

@our-neurogender-experience

@our-lesbian-experience

@our-otherkin-experience

@our-amicus-experience

@our-fictionkin-experience

@our-ambiamorous-experience

@our-sapphillean-experience

@our-trans-youth-experience

@our-aspec-experience

@our-greyromantic-experience

@our-oriented-aroace-experience

@transfem-experience

I know I've missed some, and new ones will probably pop up. So tag them in the comments/reblogs, and I'll update the post.

I used this post to help me out.

There's a maximum amount of blogs I can tag. As more blogs are added I'll untag earlier ones and leave a link to them instead.

Update: 12/4/2024

I recommend you check that you're rebloging the most updated version.

[genderkoolaid]

i am genuinely confused by something you said in your joan of arc post & i would love if you could clarify. you said "women afab can be trans. men amab can be trans." i understand how that applies to intersex people, who may be assigned a sex they identify with but have other sex characteristics that they get dysphoria from. or theyre assigned as one sex but once puberty hit they developed far more traits of the other sex, so they had to transition back to what they used to be. i understand those scenarios. but as far as we know, joan of arc wasnt intersex & you dont bring up intersex in your post. how can a non-intersex person transition to something they already are & have been for their entire life? changing how one presents, like changing their style of clothes to better suit their gender & personality, doesnt count as "transitioning" imo, cis people do that aaall the time, multiple times throughout their lives. so what do you actually mean by this??

So my definition of trans is very much inspired by Leslie Feinberg's definition of trans(gender): An umbrella term for "everyone who challenges the boundaries of sex and gender," in which ze specifically includes cross-dressing and GNC people who are men AMAB and women AFAB. I would define trans as being inclusive of anyone who queers sex and/or gender.

In my humble nonbinary opinion, we way over-rely on the idea of trans as being about identifying as a gender that isn't your assigned sex. I, for example, was assigned female and identify as (amongst other genders) a woman, but my womanhood is very much trans. For one, I was on T for two years and intend to get bottom surgery, but I was also alienated from typical cis girlhood for my entire life and my womanhood is inherently tied to me also being a man and abinary. My womanhood is not cisnormative at all.

"Woman" and "man" (and male and female) are all constructs. Just because someone may call themself a woman, and have been assigned female at birth, does not mean they identify as the same kind of woman that society expects and demands them to. There are different ways of constructing womanhood. The "gender identity that isn't AGAB" definition was built on the idea of trans people as going from one binary point to the other, with the assumption that "woman" and "man" are still Real Things with one natural meaning. Attempts at being nb-inclusive have basically just said "well nonbinary isn't a gender assigned at birth, so its trans!" which is completely true, but it also ignores all the nonbinary and genderqueer people whose genders are more nuanced than that.

On Jeanne d'Arc specifically, I actually have some relevant quotes on this:

(from Vested Interests: Crossdressing and Cultural Anxiety and Clothing and Gender Definition: Joan of Arc respectively)

This is why I included that line: because we often assume, in our exorsexism, that a historical figure must identify as a man/woman (cis), as the opposite (trans), or maybe as neither, but those are the only options. We are still limiting ourselves and these historical figures' by limiting how we understand gender and genderqueerness. To Jeanne, being a cross-dressing female virgin soldier could be its own gender, something different than the genders of cisnormative mothers and nuns.

& as a note: I feel like, a lot of the time, non-intersex people in the community will make exceptions for intersex people (like "well, intersex people can be transfemmascs/male lesbians/etc" but no one else!!!") which. doesn't actually seem that great for intersex people? Like aside from assuming that these genderqueer experiences can only be had by intersex people, it also means that if you identify that way, you must Prove that you are Allowed to be doing that, by both outing yourself as intersex and arguing that you are intersex Enough.

[anticapitalistmongoose]

putting together a comprehensive list of all the our-blank-experience blogs

@our-queer-experience

@our-transmasculine-experience

@our-transfeminine-experience

@our-bisexual-experience

@our-transgender-experiences

@our-demiboy-experience

@our-demigirl-experience

@our-mspec-experience

@our-pansexual-experience

@our-agender-experience

@our-transhet-experience

@our-bigender-experience

@our-mlm-experience

@our-nonbinary-experience

@our-abinary-experience

@our-queerplatonic-experience

@our-aroace-experience

@our-asexual-experience

@our-aromantic-experience

@our-questioning-experience

@our-unlabelled-experience

@our-genderfluid-experience

@our-genderqueer-experience

@our-genderflux-experience

@our-polyamorous-experience

@our-xenogender-experience

@our-multigender-experience

---

blogs yet to be made as of now:

our-intersex-experience

our-lesbian-experience

our-wlw-experience

our-gay-experience

our-aspec-experience

our-gendernonconforming-experience

our-polysexual-experience

our-otherkin-experience

our-demisexual-experience

our-demigender-experience

(these are just the ones i could think of feel free to add more blogs that could be made)

---

i will update this post as new blogs are made and feel free to add new blogs or ones i missed!

[our-unlabelled-experience]

Hello! I’m Meret or Linn and I haven’t seen an unlabelled of these “our _ experience” blogs so I decided to make one!

of course @our-queer-experience inspired this, as did @our-abinary-experience and @our-bisexual-experience!

Feel free to send in your unlabelled themed asks, whatever they may be!

[the-delta-quadrant]

telling nonbinary, and especially abinary, people to "just make your own posts/spaces/whatever" when we dare talk about nonbinary & abinary exclusion in trans spaces is wild, because...

nonbinary people need to be included in all discussions on trans issues because we share so many experiences with binary trans men and women. abinary people need to be included because we share so many experiences with transmascs and transfems. we need to be included in trans spaces because many of us identify as trans.

but the reason we are excluded is exorsexism.

so we're forced out. we're forced to make our own posts and make our own spaces. and then what happens? we still don't get visibility. exorsexism remains unrecognised as its own specific thing. exorsexism in trans communities remains unaddressed.

it's not like we make our own posts and have binary & binary-adjacent trans people lift us up. that barely happens. it's more like we're either ignored or harassed for existing. people will seek out our spaces and our content to harass us.

many people don't really want us to have a space or a platform. they just don't want us "invading" theirs by challenging their binary worldview.

"just make your own stuff" keeps being used by queer exclusionists time and time again. it's been used against aces and aros in queer spaces. TERFs use it against trans folk. it's been used against bi+ folk too. it's literally just code for "you don't actually belong here, your issues don't matter, go do your stuff away from us so we don't have to see it", and it doesn't suddenly become okay when they do it to nonbinary & abinary people.

if you see a nonbinary or abinary person be angry at constant exclusion and exorsexism and your response is "just go make your own stuff", you've internalised queer exclusionist rhetoric.

[themaveriqueagenda]

the coiner of maverique themself identifies as maverique and non-binary but specifically not as trans. they continuously advocated for people who may fit a definition but don't identify with that label. they were explicit about the fact that definitions don't always translate into identities.

so i will not accept any hostility here towards non-binary people, especially maveriques, who are not trans or people who aren't binary, especially maveriques, but are also not non-binary. if i see you be hostile towards someone i reblogged from about their experience, i will block you.

i do not care how inclusive you think the terms trans and non-binary are. the truth of the matter is that especially abinary people enter either community just to be put in binaries yet again, just to be reduced to what's happening with our bodies again. yes, even in non-binary communities. you do not get to be angry at someone for disidentifying with communities that only made them feel unwelcome. you can say "trans doesn't mean transition" or "trans isn't binary" all you want, that doesn't change the fact that most of the trans community still centres around hormones and surgeries and treats other milestones as lesser, treats non-medically transitioning trans people as lesser and operates on a masc-fem binary. truscums are alive and well. to get hostile at someone talking about their experience in those communities and act as if they are misconstruing the labels rather than echoing how the community treats that label honestly borders on gaslighting. we're tired of our experiences being treated as not real.

if you don't respect maveriques who aren't trans, you're not honouring the term maverique and its origin.

(not to forget that expecting transness disregards intersex people who can't put themselves into cis or trans categories.)

[our-abinary-experience]

it is interesting how many people pride themselves in supporting transgender and nonbinary people, but apparently that support stops when we're too far removed from the binary and/or simply don't want terms with binary connotations applied to us. you just literally took your mask off and are showing us you only support nonbinary people if they're related to the binary or are at least comfortable being put into binaries. that is, you basically don't support nonbinary people at all. like, please fucking tell me what terms we're left with if almost every term is based on the binary. of course we have to make up our own shit. the world wasn't built for us so we have to create small parts of the world that are for us. mocking that just means you hate nonbinary people as a whole. and every single term we create either gets mocked for being uncommon or "weird" or demonised for supposedly being transmisic.

if your support for nonbinary people stops at

abinary people

xenogender people

neopronouns users

nonbinary people who use uncommon terms

nonbinary people who aren't comfortable being grouped into any sort of binary

nonbinary people who use "contradictory" labels

then you're not a nonbinary ally and not a transgender ally and not a queer ally. it's either all of us or none of us.

"i support nonbinary people, but..." will NEVER be allyship.

[your-bigender-big-brother]

Don't forget abinary people when discussing trans rights. I see too many posts talking about trans men and trans women, and maybe nonbinary people, but never anyone outside of that. The trans experience is a vast and varied one, and people don't always fit into the gender trinary we've created. We need to open up our worldview to make sure we see everyone.

- Your Bigender Big Brother 💙💚

[our-maverique-experience]

OUR MAVERIQUE EXPERIENCE

this is one of those really awesome our-(label)-experience blogs. inspired by blogs like @our-queer-experience , @our-abinary-experience , @our-aroace-experience , and many many more!!

this blog is mostly powered by users like you who send asks, though i will occasionally reblog anything maverique-related if it presents itself!

you can ask here anything related to maverique, doesn't have to be just experiences! questions, labelfinding, whatever :3

off topic posts are tagged with #off topic.

anyways, hi!! i'm cameron/cam. i use any pronouns. i'll see you around!!

[xxlovelynovaxx]

[Img ID: post reading "it doesnt matter if we're feminine or masculine or androgynous. they'll want us dead anyway. THIS POST IS ABOUT TRANS MEN AND TRANSMASCULINE PEOPLE. DO NOT DERAIL. MAKE YOUR OWN POST." /end ID]

I think actually we've reached terminal selfishness and self-centeredness when "look basic transphobia. THIS IS ONLY ABOUT SOME TRANS PEOPLE. MAKE YOUR OWN POST" is considered acceptable behavior, like

1 this is the reblogging posts site. if you don't want it "derailed", turn off reblogs

2 it's not "derailing" to talk about experiencing the exact same type of oppression for the exact same reasons. like, this is tagged transandrophobia. y'know, the word coined to talk about oppression UNIQUE TO or MORE TYPICALLY EXPERIENCED by trans men and mascs? Like I know we're all super sensitive to "it's just transphobia" because bad faith actors use it to shut us up about our own oppression, but even if transandrophobia is ANY transphobia experienced by transmascs, this one is SO not unique and SO universal that calling other trans people "derailing" for daring to acknowledge they experience it is honestly transphobic itself

3. Are you being transmisogynistic or exorsexist it both? Do you find it offensive that a group even more erased than transmascs (trans people who are neither transfem nor transmasc) might "take the spotlight" by experiencing the same pain as you? Are you just mad that transfems suffer from hypervisibility (a key factor in transmisogyny, no less) that you're wrongly viewing as some sort of privilege?

Like this is the logical end conclusion of exclusion, separatism, and the idea that it's immoral or even just dickish to talk about SHARED experiences of oppression. Even those who aren't convinced that there's no overlap and oppression fits into neat little boxes based on your actual identity (and that people with multiple identities experience each oppression as discrete separate forms of violence OR a new unique form of oppression that no one else ever does) are like "I have the right to shut people out of a discussion of their own pain and trauma just because *I* experienced it for THIS reason

Like, I draw the line at someone saying anything more exclusionary than "oh I didn't name all groups that experience this because this was a more personal vent post, but please share your experiences because this isn't exclusive to us".

Idk I can't even articulate what's so gross and off-putting about this. But whatever, this intersex transneufemmasc is making their own post so they aren't (implied) transandrophobic by, idk, being transmasc but also other things and experiencing this same thing based on those other identities, or acknowledging that those other identities share these experiences in the absence of transmasculinity.

Also, nontransmasculine/non-trans-men experience transandrophobia, you fucking asshole. Transneutral, abinary/atrinary, neutrois, maverique, and other trans people that are seen as transmasc by bigots experience no material differences in the oppression they face. Their experiences are almost identical to yours - except they have to either be misgendered to be acknowledged or get erased. What functional difference do you think there is between an afab person pursuing what you forcibly label a "masculine" transition facing this exact shit, and you, other than that they respect your gender and you don't return the favor. Or you do, only to shut them out of a conversation that they have less of a voice in than you do.

That's just fucking transphobia. Fuck off.

If you're being so defensive over past trauma you bite people BEFORE you know they're unsafe, maybe you need to get a fucking grip.

[our-outherly-experience]

New blog.

Share anything related to outherinity and the different qualities under it on this blog.

...

Tagging: @our-maverique-experience @our-abinary-experience

[angelkittycore]

not to invite discourse but after i've been on tumblr solely for a few months after leaving twitter i've sorta let go of a lot of things that i was vehemently against and my opinion HAS shifted a bit.

(just saying straight away that you're welcome to engage with me on this topic but i am not seeking to incite arguments, fighting, or heated debate whatsoever and you're not likely to get me to change my mind on this. also if you're going to yell at me for using the term monosexuality please shut up and stay in your lane. if your first thought to reading that word is "bisexuals are being homophobic" then you have a biphobia issue.)

so it's not that bi lesbians/gays don't exist, i think their experiences are very much real. it's just the choice of contradictory labels, and the inherent biphobia, lesbiphobia, and taking self-autonomy from both bisexual men and women by attributing our entire bi rights movement to being a product of terf lesbian separatists, that i have a problem with.

terfs/political lesbians/gold star lesbians did spur an exodus of bisexual women from the umbrella of lesbian, but what came after was all us. and i both feel and think that it was a natural evolution of the communities because bisexuality is more than just women who love women and men, it's also men who love men and women. and nonbinary, abinary, trans, cisn't, gnc, and whatever else. (not to say that the last few aren't also included in monosexuality but i'm talking about bisexuality here.)

attributing the fight for our rights and voices to be heard solely to terfs is ahistorical and insulting. the want to be seen as a whole, valid, separate identity and community than both lesbian and gay has absolutely 0 to do with terfism and similarly aligned political bullshit (such as fascism/white supremacy/plain ol transphobia.)

wanting to go back to lesbian being an umbrella term for all lesbians and bi women feels way too traditionalist and downright conservative (in terms of the literal meaning of the word) for the lgbt/queer community. it's not about challenging cishetalloamatonormativity by simply existing or being unapologetically queer in a word that wants to stamp us out violently in this regard, it's wanting to reclaim a space and label that is no longer theirs because they feel entitled to do so.

to me, lgbt/queer progress is about growing and changing, and adapting to the world, and thriving in spite, and despite it all. and not clinging to relics of the past, however recent or not it was. as some examples, the meaning of asexuality has changed from its original coining. same as bisexual, and pansexual has gone through it's fair share of bullshit as well. why can't and why shouldn't lesbian do the same? however i do not feel that a change backwards is a change for the better.

as an another example, lesbian also used to mean homosexual women exclusively attracted to homosexual women but now it includes every flavor of nonbinary you can think of, who may or may not be women, women aligned, or even feminine at all.

lesbian no longer includes bisexuality under it and that should be okay. lesbian is a monosexual label, and that's okay. you do not experience bisexuality by also being attracted to similar/same genders, regardless of binary or nonbinary umbrella. because bisexuality, inherently, means attraction to similar/same AND opposite/different genders. (note, my descriptions here also includes xenogenders, alternative alignment systems, etc. it's up to the individual if they want to be included in any attraction, including lesbian, gay, bisexual+, and straight. grouping a wider group under lesbian attraction just because they are nonbinary is inventing a trinary and misgendering at worst.)

on the reverse, having a preference, however strong, does not make you a lesbian, or a monosexual gay. you are still experiencing bisexuality, you just have a preference. that is all. not everybody is bisexual, and not everybody is monosexual, and that's okay.

(should also note that comphet doesn't make a lesbian bisexual.. that's comphet.)

anyway tl;dr i think the language, terms, and labels you use you justify your valid experiences is.. not great, to put it politely, lol. i think your insistence that you should be able to call yourself bisexual or a lesbian when you're the other has problems stemming from misunderstanding both labels and attractions, and misunderstanding what exactly nonbinary is. i've also seen definitions of bisexual lesbians that say they are bisexual because they are also attracted to trans women which is.. do i have to say it?

anyway bisexual is not a dirty word or attraction. bi is beautiful, and the convoluted ways people try to get out of identifying as bisexual or solely as bisexual (if they are allo) is internal biphobia, which is not something to celebrate or be proud of. you should work through it.

[anser-crystallan]

Gender-Inclusive Trans Pride Flag (Trans Diversity Diamond)

(This was originally in a reblog but op seemed upset about alternate designs so I thought it was best to separate)

The premise is that the trans flag we have was made primarily for binary trans people (non-binary people have adopted the white stripe but the original meaning was more to do with how transitioning takes you beyond conventional understanding of gender than about living there full time, and it certainly doesn't encompass the diversity of the non-binary community). It would be useful to have something that explicitly includes non-binary people and acknowledges our place in the community.

Colours/symbolism below the cut:

We start with the stripes of the original trans flag, bracketed with grey for uncertainty. They sit outside the blue and pink because the represent genders outside our experiences and understanding. These stripes accept that there's no neat in-a-box model to fully describe the diversity of gender experience.

The diamond within is placed at an angle rather than included in the stripes for a similar reason, reinforcing that the goal is to accept people as they are, not try to assimilate them into a normative gender model. It also calls back to the arrow shape on the progress pride flags.

The colours in the diamond were chosen for reoccurring across various non-binary pride flags. They can be read as purple for midbinary, black for genderless, green for abinary, and yellow for xenic. However more generally, the idea is that at least one of these colours will feature on most non-binary pride flags, allowing people to read their specific identities into the diamond.

Yellow was placed in the centre so the intersex circle can be easily added. I'm not intersex myself and I don't know someone who is personally, so I'll leave that decision with the relevant community. However no idea of trans progress would be complete without also considering how trans and intersex issues interact so the space is there.

[the-delta-quadrant]

"binary language is fine for a simple post" ok but why is that all we ever see? social media as a whole is full of supposed "simple posts" talking about systemic issues in a binary way.

other-aligned people are successfully drowned out by all the binary posts when we talk about our experience of transmisogyny or transandromisia. i literally make a point of following many abinary people and even i barely see any abinary person talk about these issues.

but you know what i have seen quite a lot? abinary people being pushed into identifying as transmasc, transfem or both due to the binaryness of these discussions.

and the few abinary people i did see try to speak up were often silenced by people saying "transneutral people shouldn't talk about transmasc/transfem issues".

it's not a simple binary post if it's all of them. it's not a simple binary post if the conversations are dominated by transmascs and transfems respectively. it's not a simple binary post if abinary people are effectively forced to adopt labels they don't identify with to be heard. it's not a simple binary post if posts that are explicitly not binary get dogpiled.