#firey please go to therapy

[fireoinz]

haiiii ^_^ !!! im nevr online here ehhehebdb -💸

[moonlit-positivity]

Lets talk about emotional regulation on a deeper level

Here is a wildly controversial truth: your emotional responses actually make a lot of sense considering what you've been through in your life.

The way you react to stress- the way you shut down, isolate, deny, avoid, daydream, escape, use addictions, and/or self harm? Or the way you lash out, get revenge, get violent, manipulate & gaslight, and project your emotions onto others? Or the way you fawn, people please, shut down emotionally, prioritize others before yourself, and freeze? These responses are born out of pure survival. Every last one of them. At some point these responses were there so you could survive an environment that was trying to kill you. If you don't think that's accurate, then consider that your body & mind felt threatened enough to give you these responses in the first place. It actually makes a lot of sense that your reactions to high stress is to revert to what saved you as a child.

Here's the thing though, what saved you as a child is no longer serving you the same purpose now as an adult.

If you're entering new relationships and friendships as an adult under the same mindset of, "these people are trying to kill me," then here's what's going to happen: your partner, friend, etc is going to inevitably make a mistake that is going to trigger you into that primal, neolithic state of survival. And you are going to unconsciously react in the same ways that saved you as a child. But the difference is that, the person next to you isn't actually trying to kill you. They're just making an honest to goodness mistake and now you're going at them like they're evil incarnate. Or, you're withdrawing and hurting yourself and probably gonna ghost them now because you're too scared to communicate what it is that's bothering you. Or, you're going to pretend like you didn't see it and shut yourself down emotionally and just hope that it works out, until one day you're gonna snap and all that pent up anger is gonna explode out of you like Mount Vesuvius on firey steroids.

This is why it's so important to learn how to do the following things:

1. Spend some time reaffirming that what you went through as a kid was absolutely not normal, under any circumstances. That shit was batshit insane and it shouldn't have happened to you. You really need to dig deep and reaffirm that no, most of the world isn't actively trying to kill you, attack you, or make you suffer. What you went through was truly an isolated incident of pure fuckery. And yeah, it sucks but people will inevitably hurt you again. Learning about boundaries can help with this. But the sooner you realize that most people around you are genuinely not trying to hurt you, the better your life is going to get. Trauma therapy can be a great place to unload these kinds of things.

2. Spend some time processing how your parents'/ abuser's reactions, overreactions, abuse, neglect, gaslighting & projections, etc made you feel. This is important. And yeah it hurts like fuck, but this is important because once you actually allow yourself to feel & process the pain and suffering they did to you, your body starts to shift out of survival and you start to understand exactly how your own emotional responses feel for you & others around you. It gives you a deeper sense of understanding. And yes, this works for low empathy disorders like NPD too. If you were abused as a kid then it literally doesn't matter what your diagnosis is. The fact that your childhood robbed you of safe & secure connection, attunement, regulation, trust, and autonomy, is actually 100% the entire reason why your symptoms exist. And it sucks that the current mental health field does not acknowledge this. You can't pour from a cup that has been empty since the day you were born. You need to turn that attention inward and start unpacking all that shit.

3. Find ways to foster empathy and compassion for yourself with gentle parenting. Your childhood guidance is missing. You need to go back and essentially re-raise yourself. This is the hard & laborious work of inner child healing, emotional regulation, DBT, attachment theory healing, learning how to communicate, etc. imo this is what therapy should be about tbh.

4. Find safe ways to be vulnerable in peace. Restoring your own sense of control over who you allow into your life and what you allow them to do to you, is one great way to gain the safety you need to do this kind of work with. But the one hard inevitable truth of this world is that you are actually going to have to learn how to be vulnerable. You are going to have to learn how to foster grace and compassion for yourself enough to be seen on a deeper level. Again, I'd suggest trauma therapy.

I'd say this is one helluva controversial take, because most spaces will tell you things like, "your reactions are the problem." And well, yeah okay fine. You got a point. But how do you actually do the work in a healthy and safer manner that gets you actually motivated to self inspect and change your ways? This is how you do that. Recognize what you went through was pure survival, so you can foster a better sense of compassion for yourself. Finding a good trauma therapist can help with this. By doing this your body automatically gains the regulation needed to process the fact that yeah, okay, there actually is a different way to do things. Everything else comes naturally over time. And I do mean time. This isn't something you can do once and then call it good. You're gonna be doing this for the rest of your life.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Hope this helps

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

[lilacmingi]

Hi! I've been reading things from your blog for a couple months now, and I've always wanted to request a certain scenario that tickles my brain just right. But, I don't know if you're comfortable with it or not. I just went through your rules and I'm not for sure, but if you want to decline this request then that's okay! I understand :)

I've been wondering how BTS would react of they spontaneously just decided to adopt a kid, around 14 years old but looks much older. Like, she looks 17. She has an attitude that's a little too firey and she curses worse than a sailor. She had a rough past and she can act mature and nice when she wants to, but she usually chooses not to. She's more reserved and maybe some of her violent wants are a little questionable, but she never acts on them? (She low-key needs therapy but refuses to go cause she's stubborn)

Sorry if this is super personalized and specific but I had some things happen when I was 14 and that's how I acted afterwards, and I just want to know how your amazing mind would put this together!

Again, you don't have to do this so please don't hesitate to tell me if you're uncomfortable with it! I love your work and your sexy brain for making these! ❤️

Hello! 🫶🏻 I’m not sure if you saw in the “about me/rules/about the blog” post, but I mentioned that this account was just for funsies and that I wouldn’t be taking requests. If you happened to overlook it, please let me know so I can try and make it more noticeable for anyone who comes along in the future! <3 I’ve actually had a post drafted for a month that I’ve been meaning to post where I reiterate that I don’t take requests and explain why, but I keep forgetting to do it.

Even if I was accepting requests, I don’t really feel comfortable writing something like what you’ve described. I don’t write things about pregnancy, adoption, having kids, trauma, mental disorders, swearing etc. (I don’t swear, so my works reflect that)

I know you said it was okay if I said no (and you were so sweet too aaaa) but I’m sorry 😭 I also just kinda wanted to explain why I’m saying no. Thank you for taking the time to leave this ask though, and thank you for reading my stuff and enjoy it!! 🖤💜 I wanna share more of my BTS stuff here, as I’ve got 3 books worth of imagines over on Wattpad that I hope to go through and share here in the future

[xaytheloser]

Eternal visiting Burning a little bit (like a few months) after she's basically starting over (and pining over elder has started)

She's quiet as she approaches his prison, but she's not showing any signs of being uncomfortable or wary, her wings are spread out and her tail is wagging a little because she's just like "my husband! my firey dumbass husband! oh my husband :<"

she's sitting in front of him, watching him for a little before reaching her hands out, trying to pull him close, pull him into her embrace so she can wrap her wings around his trembling body

Eternal is so gentle with Burning as she tries to reassure him, tries to get him to listen to her, because she still cares about him and the other beasts, she wants them to be free too, but she's back on her virtue bullshit, not her beast bullshit anymore, they're liabilities until further notice, so she can't help them out until they're better, because helping them now would break benign and elder's trust in her

She holds his face, gently presses her forehead to his, rubs his cheeks with her thumbs as she gently reassures him that she's doing this of her own volition, she of course doesn't expect him to believe her, but she hopes that saying it enough will eventually get it through to him

"Burning Spice, I promise, I made this decision on my own, so please, if you're upset, don't be upset with anyone else, be upset with me."

And poor Burning is probably so confused and conflicted because he can't be upset at her, he wants to blame elder but it's coming right from Eternal herself that she's doing this entirely on her own, she made her own decision and he's not sure how to take it because it doesn't feel like a decision she'd make

And then she says this:

"We aren't happy, stuck in these prisons, are we? No, we aren't. Being here, watching the world pass by with nothing but ourselves and the void, no victories to celebrate, no banquets to feast upon, doesn't bring us any joy. Does it?"

And he realizes that she is being genuine

She's made a decision for herself on her own volition even if it's against them but she still cares about them, cares about them desperately, cares about him,

And it probably breaks his heart a little, but he can't muster up the words, he knows she's just trying to do things right, trying to fix what broke so many years ago, repair what they tore apart at the seams be it on purpose or not, because that's what she always used to do, she used to be the one fixing up plushies and mending outfits, hell getting dents out of armor, because it made them happy

It made them happy to have a little piece of her with them, to have something repaired and fixed up by her, and she didn't mind at all, because they were happy

She ends up leaving (not without giving him a kiss of course), but promises to visit and tell him everything that's been going on, as long as Shadow hasn't already told him

Poor Burning is left there with way more questions than before, for himself and the others, especially because he can't help but notice that eternal so easily slipped back into her old role, like she never quite left, like she never stopped caring about how others felt, and he doesn't understand how himself and the others aren't the same, how their time as beasts has affected them so greatly that they just cant try again, not without help

EEUEU UEUEU EUEUEU🥺🥺🥺 /POS

I think Burning Spice will be the hardest to get through to, second compared to Shadow Milk of course, but still- he's spiraling with a mix of emotions as Eternal Sugar leaves, and eventually just goes back to his default mindset of "oh she's probably just saying that bc she's obviously brainwashed" bc of his confusing emotions, he ends up breaking down even more, thinking he needs to save her and Benign Butter before it's to late and Elder Faerie takes them for himself In conclusion, PLEASE get this man some therapy- /silly

[bnhxx]

Lim Hanrim

I'm talking about her now shhh

- not to be the astrology bitch but the Aries rising energy in her 🥴 she definitely at least has Aries in her big three there's no way I would be this attracted to her otherwise

- she's wayy more ready for a relationship then Na Hwajin. Like, she's not actively looking for it, she's confident in herself and can admit her faults and call out others-please just date me ma'am I'll go to therapy for you

- She really looks up to Na Hwajin and this extends to relationships-she would have doubts of the relationship if Na disapproved of them. (To be honest idk if she'd ever get into a relationship that Na would disapprove of since he's mentioned he trusts her conviction multiple times. She's a great judge of character.)

- that being said if her s.o was insecure in the relationship she'd be quick to shut that shit down. If it were her strength they were insecure about she'd find it childish, but resign herself to reassuring them that she doesn't want an s.o that can protect her from baddies- she's been trained to do so from her special forces days. It doesn't make them any less capable themselves, surely if she chose them to be her s.o she saw something in them right?

- on that note, she's not in any rush to find a s.o. If she does find someone, it's someone who caught her eye-someone who continues to attract her with each passing day.

- If s.o knows Na, get ready for a hell of a lot of teasing. If they don't know him it's likely Lim is trying to avoid his teasing even for just a moment. Don't worry, she can't keep a secret to save her life. He's definitely gonna know about them.

- Shes kind of a think later, act first kind of girl. I think she'd like someone who really gives her a chance to sit back and take things in carefully, kind of like Na. Something to balance out the more firey side of her personality.

- She makes me think of those military men memes where they just want someone to settle down w n marry on the second date ksbsjsbsnsnsnsn like emotionally immature Lim is a uhual lesbian 😔 it's true

- I can't say she's straight but she'd probably be bisexual (I love her too much)

- Is still slightly uncomfortable in her sexuality tho 😳 she's from a conservative traditional society and has worked most her life in the military, what did you expect?

- So she'd more likely get with a guy then a girl (sad gay hours here 😭) it's not to say she wouldn't get with a girl, just that it would take a while to process her insecurity in her sexuality and her identity as a whole. The relationship would be rocky to begin with.

- Mentor Na to the rescue he's gonna help her through her emotions and smoke a cigarette up for that dork kshsjshsjk

- She is a very confident lover, but she's not invulnerable to teasing. Like oml she'd die if her s.o was a teasing mf like PLEASE STOP MAKING ME BLUSH INFRONT OF NA SHES BEGGING YOU. ON HER KNEES.

- She's actually sort of afraid of getting an s.o because of Na's past. In a different way tho. Lim wants to make sure her s.o isn't targeted especially because of her occupation, she'd be even more worried if you were in one of the schools she was sent to reform. She worries constantly for her s.o's safety.

- would enjoy a sparring match with her s.o. She'll "go easy on you" and you'll still end up on the floor with your ass handed to you, but she makes it fun regardless.

- I think she'd do well with an s.o that doesn't take things too seriously, but has a strong moral compass. She prefers assertive ppl who know what they want, but she open to being the more dominant one in a relationship.

-If s.o is meek watch out. She's gonna tease the hell out of them. She usually dislikes ppl who are meek and mild mannered, since she associates them with inaction or a silent bystander to a lot of the violence she's seen, particularly in schools. But I think having a shy s.o would force her to realise that's not the case. Once she does, she's gonna be teasing the hell out of them. Their reactions are just too cute!

-not really one for pda. It depends on the relationship, tbh. If she's in a straight relo she'd be more open to it, otherwise it's very clear she's nervous as she holds your hand under the table. She'd give double time affection in private, though I think she'd also strive to work on her hesitance on showing her s.o off regardless of their gender. (Lots of deep chats together she's not gonna sit and let her relationship falter bc of comp het)

- I can see her love language being quality time or words of affirmation. She really listens to Na and same would go to s.o, if they give her a little reassurance it goes a long way. She knows when words are genuine and when they're false, and she wants nothing but the truth from them.

-I can also see her pulling her s.o away for little trips-to the grocery store or even out on dates, she just likes to be in s.o's presence. It refreshes her and leaves her ready to battle whatever new troublesome school she and Na will take on.

[meltedcapsy]

fireafy

isa very complicated ship. bad writing, bad execution bad everything. "but they are on better terms now!!" idgaf. listen i know bfdi isn't about all dark stuff and emotional tings and feelings and bla bla bla and it's a kids show that was made by little teensie winsies who know nothing about writing and all that, but they're adults now - theyre not children anymore. can we please stop glorifying them? the show itself literally attempted to be more mature in bfb. the fireafy made up arc was clearly fanservice, it was too rushed "buT it was at The eNd of the show how do u except them to fit it all in" NO, that's why I think they should've made fireafys' made up arc start from bfb 1 and end in bfb 7/8. why did they wait so much just to cram their shit into the 2 episodes of the near finale?? bfb 24 is the result of jacknjellify noticing how fans were responding to leafy being villanized in bfb 22 and u cant tell me thats not the situation bcs the only thing firey apologized to leafy there about was ignoring her and the fandom has occasionally said that firey was being a jerkass to leafy the entirety of bfdia and bfb. he did so much more to her than that. and most of what we see is just from leafys' perspective so how the fuck do they except us to sympathize or empathize with firey in any way shape or form, words arent enough-if anything theyre better off as friends for now. please, give them therapy first please oh my god oh my god

FUCK FIREY I HATE HIM HE CAN GO AND DISSOLVE IN THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL!!!!!

imagine, a leaf with sociopathic and narcissistic tendencies and possibly abandonment issues is better than you??? DAMN

[babygangsta11037]

How about Celestia, Gundham, Peko and Ryoma helping their S/O-who has a fear of cats-overcome it?

I already did Gundham and Ryoma in another ask but I can do Peko and Celestia!

H/C = Hair Color

Peko and Celestia helping S/O with their fear of cats.

Celestia

We already know that Celeste has an cat.

And as such, she treats it like royalty.

So when you came over and immediately jumped behind her expensive leather couch because of the cat, she was a bit taken back.

You? Her prince/princess? Scared by the little lord that is her cat?!

Celestia chuckled and pick up her cat (I forgot it’s name).

“S/O? Dear, can you come out?”

You poked your head out from behind the couch and crawled out.

Celeste came over with cat in hand.

To you it was like bringing an loaded gun over so you crawled against the wall.

Celestia immediately put the cat down on you.

“S/O, we aren’t leaving until you get used to the cat.”

(Just pretend she used its name. Please I don’t know what it is)

She kept you pinned against the wall with the cat.

She is forceful and so you had to submit to her exposure therapy.

Eventually, you’d submit to the cat and live happily with it.

She is very demanding and will make you do it.

But only because she loves you.

And if you were going to be her knight, you needed to learn not to fear basically her child.

Peko

The way she found out was when you both were going on an walk.

You walked past an shelter and Peko stopped to look at the fluffy animals.

Remember Peko loves the fluffys.

So y’all stopped at the window.

And what do you know? A bunch of kittens were playing cutely.

As Peko’s heart was melting, you were panicking.

You clung onto her arm.

She didn’t notice but continued to look at them. The demons. The firey clawy demons that had already possessed your girlfriend. The demons…

One jumped at the window. you screamed, and leaped into Peko’s strong muscular scarred beautiful arms….

Jesus Christ. I’m so gay for Peko.

Peko was confused with the situation but could tell you wanted to go.

So she carried you home.

At home, she put you down.

That must have been an sight for the rest of the yakuza.

She asked what happened in her room.

You told her your fear of cats. And about how those demons had possessed her and were planning to use her to end the world.

She just blinked at you. A bit confused. But shrugged it off.

Peko cuddled you and said if you didn’t want to be around cats it was fine. But deep down, she was upset.

Because A: Animals run away from her, and B: Her S/O was afraid of the kittens that didn’t run away from her.

You sensed this and said that you didn’t want to be afraid of cats but you just were.

You then asked if she could help get over your fear.

She immediately said yes because then y’all could get a cat. And well fluffy.

She took you back to the shelter and asked if you two could be around the kittens.

She spooned you in her strong muscular scarred arms…..

I’m getting off track.

So you both sat there with he kittens for a while and Peko held one in front of you.

It was the one that had jumped at you.

The demon was gray and had red eyes.

“S/O! This one is so fluffy!” She giggled.

“You petted the cat because it looked like Peko.

You then looked at the kittens. One looked like Fuyuhiko, One like Natsumi.

Soon you could see that the cats looked like your friends in 77-B.

So you warmed up to them.

You asked Peko if you could adopt the gray, cream, and H/C one because they looked like you both, plus Fuyuhiko.

Peko blushed and nodded.

You now have three kittens in the Yakuza and they were named after y’all. But Jr

Peko jr, Fuyuhiko jr and Y/N jr.

[elentiyawhitethorn]

The Bet | Chapter Fifteen

Day 44

Things were finally settling down. It had been a week since the incident with Tamlin. Azriel had let Feyre and Mor know that it was safe to go back to their own apartment several days ago. Apparently, Tamlin had gone back to Detroit. No one knew what he was planning, but as Azriel was keeping close tabs on him, they would know if he returned. He had also told Feyre he would notify her about any updates concerning Tamlin or Lucien.

Feyre had spent the last week paining in her studio, trying to get the whorl of emotions she was feeling on canvases. So far, she had created a dark landscape with jagged rocks and firey tones to represent her fear and anger. To represent attack.

She had also painted an ocean. The waves were calm and the sun in the background was setting. Despite its calming appearance, a closer look revealed sadness and a touch of despair. Pale colors. A chilling atmosphere. The way the waves slowed, and the sun inched down in the sky, an end to the sunny day.

Feyre refused to acknowledge this sad painting had been inspired by her feelings about being friends with Rhys. Just friends.

Speaking of, the two were getting along well. They smiled and joked. They comforted and enjoyed each other’s company. But Rhys didn’t flirt anymore.

Even after what had happened when Feyre got stuck in her studio, when she had had a full-blown panic attack, he kept on giving mischievous grins and winks. Calling her darling. Rhys hadn’t once called Feyre “darling” since the attack. It hurt a lot more than Feyre was willing to admit.

At least she had therapy today. Dr. Suriel would listen to her vent and make Feyre feel better. Hopefully.

Feyre set down the stack of papers she had been sorting through and headed to the door. She felt a squeezing sensation in her gut when she tried to open the door, as she had every day since it got stuck, but it easily opened. There had been no trouble with it sticking since the incident, once she got it fixed.

Feyre was really enjoying her routine in Greenwich Village. Walk. Take the subway. Enjoy the sounds of people going about their day.

Finally, Feyre reached the therapist’s office. She walked up to the receptionist’s desk to check in when he glanced up and recognized her from her previous visits.

“Miss Archeron,” the receptionist said. “I regret to inform you that Dr. Suriel has turned in her resignation.”

Feyre blinked. “Really? She didn’t say anything about leaving.”

“Yes, it was very sudden. I’m not entirely sure why. Some blonde woman approached her almost a week ago after her last session. Then Dr. Suriel came to me and told me she was leaving her job.”

“Wouldn’t she have just taken a leave of absence?” Feyre asked.

The receptionist smiled sadly. “That’s what I asked her. She said she was leaving and not coming back. It’s a shame. I enjoyed working with her and her patients really seemed to enjoy working with her as well.”

A moment passed as Feyre processed this. Normally she would be concerned about Dr. Suriel’s family - had some relative passed away? What exactly had happened? But now... almost a week ago was right after seeing Tamlin. What if...?

“Could you describe this woman please?” Feyre questioned before she could stop herself. This was probably just a coincidence, but it didn’t hurt to check.

He gave her a strange look. It was, after all, a strange question. “Well, she was blonde, as I said. Slim, teal eyes. Dressed well. A bit... haughty-looking, I think. She wore silver rings and silver bracelets. A lot of them. I don’t really remember anything else. Miss Archeron, another therapist is filling in for her while we look for a replacement. You can sit down and wait if you like.”

Feyre had frozen. “Actually, I just remembered I have somewhere to be. I need to be on my way.”

Without waiting for a reply, Feyre turned and sped to the door, about jogging. She made it outside and looked around. Obviously, there was no one there, but Feyre was terrified. She needed to leave.

Feyre made it halfway to the subway station when she remembered Rhys.

Rhys quite likely had an appointment today, right after Feyre’s. And she needed to warn him.

Because the woman that the receptionist had described could be none other than Ianthe.

-

Feyre waited the duration of her appointment near the therapist’s, but not too close. She had debated calling Rhys, then remembered that while he may have her number, she didn’t have his.

She texted Mor, but it was her shift at the cafe, so she didn’t answer.

Being new, Feyre still hadn’t gotten anyone else’s number. Yes, she hung out with then more often now, but meeting at the gym or the cafe, or having Mor plan something didn’t require communicating like that, so no one had ever thought to exchange cell numbers.

And now Feyre had no way to contact Rhys. So she leaned against a street lamp nearby and waited.

While she stood, Feyre pondered the meaning of this. What exactly had Ianthe said to Dr. Suriel? Had she threatened her, or maybe her family? Did Dr. Suriel have a family? And what earthly reason would Ianthe have to kidnap her? Or possibly worse...

Feyre just prayed to the gods that Dr. Suriel was okay. And selfishly she prayed that this hadn’t been caused by her. Though Feyre knew better than that.

Finally, Feyre recognized the figure walking down the sidewalk toward the therapist’s office. Rhys was on the opposite side of it as her, and Feyre took off sprinting.

She passed the door and didn’t let herself look inside the glass. As if Ianthe would still be here.

Rhys took in the sight of Feyre sort-of running at him and paused, surely wondering what the fuck was happening.

“Is everything alright?” was the first thing Rhys said.

Feyre grabbed his arm and spun him around, dragging him back toward the direction he had come. “Dr. Suriel is gone.”

“What? Why? And why are we running?”

Feyre frowned. She finally stopped jogging, and the pair slowed to a halt.

“I’ve been really paranoid. So when the receptionist said she quit her job suddenly after talking to a woman, I asked him to describe the woman. And it was a friend of Tamlin’s, Ianthe Priestess.”

“Ianthe?” Rhys paled.

“You know her?”

A second passed while Rhys thought about his answer. “We’ve met on occasion. Are you sure it was her?”

“Well, almost sure. Teal eyes, silver jewelry, haughty-looking. It certainly sounds like her. It can’t be a coincidence.”

Rhys took a deep breath. “We can go ask Azriel to look into it. We should leave.”

They were a decent distance away from the therapist’s now, but both were concerned. Feyre and Rhys started walking again, toward the subway stop. She didn’t let go of his arm. He didn’t comment on it.

The subway ride was tense, both of them thinking about how Ianthe knew about Dr. Suriel and what she had done with her.

Feyre still clung to Rhys on the short walk from the subway to his townhouse. She tried to blame it on being petrified.

Inside, Cassian was no where in sight. He was likely at the gym. Azriel was sitting at the dining room table, sipping something from a mug and reading a book.

He looked up at Feyre and Rhys when they entered the room, took one look at their pale faces, and said, “Sit down.”

They did, and Rhys started talking. Feyre didn’t listen, though. This was when everything started blurring.

I did this. I did this. That sweet, caring woman is in danger because of me.

The movement of Azriel standing from his chair and walking off brought Feyre back to attention. How long had they been sitting there? Her thoughts were still drifting, but she could register Rhys looking at her worriedly.

“What are you thinking?” Rhys reached out an hand to brush away a tear that had begun sliding down her cheek.

“I-” Feyre paused for a moment. “I did this. This is my fault. Everyone I care about gets hurt. I’m contaminated.”

Rhys’ eyes darkened. “Please don’t ever call yourself that again. You had the misfortune of getting taken in by that monster. He is the one responsible for this. Not you.” His voice quieted. “Not ever you.”

The sincerity of Rhys’ tone calmed Feyre. “Thank you. Gods, I’m such a mess.”

Rhys just shook his head and slid a thumb across Feyre’s face, collecting more tears. Feyre’s breathing quickened, and she cursed herself for being so responsive to his touch, even now. When he heard her reaction, he pulled his hand away as if he had just been burned.

Rhys stood. “I should get some tea for us.”

Feyre was reeling, seeing how he had pulled away. How he had realized he was being too personal for the friend zone, a place he very much wanted to stay. Because he didn’t want her like that. At least Feyre had enough presence of mind to say, “Tea? Rhys, I should go.”

He paused in the doorway, having made it there while Feyre collected her thoughts. “You should stay. For a little bit, I mean. You’re crying and you look absolutely petrified, Feyre. I can’t just let you leave like this.”

She hesitated. “Fine. Thanks, I mean. Tea would be very nice.”

Rhys gave a small smile and left the room. But Feyre barely noticed it, too consumed with rage. Not at Rhys; he hadn’t done anything wrong. But at the situation. At Tamlin or Amarantha or whatever deity had decided to make things this way. Because hearing Rhys say “Feyre” without an added darling was the worst kind of torture.

Rhys returned soon with a mug of tea for Feyre and one for himself. He sat across from her gave a friendly smile.

Feyre smiled back.

This is getting ridiculous. We can’t even sit for one minute without awkwardly staring at each other, Feyre thought to herself.

“What did Azriel say? I kind of stopped listening.”

Rhys winced. “He said he was going to look into it. I don’t really question his methods. Did you know Ianthe well?”

The change in topic was abrupt, and Feyre welcomed it. As much as she dreaded discussing Ianthe, she absolutely did not want to talk about finding Dr. Suriel anymore. She just felt guilty thinking about her.

“She was around a lot, but I would never say I knew her well,” Feyre started. “Ianthe was... I’m clearly not the best judge of character. I was with Tamlin for many months, and the first few I actually think I loved him. But even then, I hated Ianthe. She was so condescending and hateful, but not outright. Tamlin thought she was a saint, but I... didn’t. How do you know her?”

Rhys smiled shakily. “Long before anything happened with her - Amarantha, I mean - Azriel, Amren, Mor, Cassian, and I would go on business trips together. I think they just liked the first class hotels the company could afford. They didn’t actually do anything.

“I was meeting with Tamlin and some others at one point when I met her. I didn’t like her. Ianthe just seemed like a type of person I didn’t like at first. There was something about her that made me want to run away. She constantly flirted, long after I declined her advances. Not just me, either. Azriel was harassed by her so often that he came back here early.

“After that, I was a bit more on edge with her. Then one night I went into my hotel room, and found her. Naked, on my bed.”

Feyre gasped slightly here. She hadn’t realized what a bitch Ianthe was.

“I threw her out. She wasn’t pleased. Still, she continued to throw herself at me and my friends and basically anyone in sight the next few times we met through business. That’s all, really.” Rhys finished, looking angry. Hell, Feyre would be pissed if someone did something like that to her and her friends.

“I’m so sorry,” Feyre said. She didn’t know what else to say. Realizing she’d gotten distracted and let her tea get cold, she took a sip.

Rhys gave a tight smile. “Yeah.” He paused, clearly thinking about everything.

Feyre knew what it was like get lost in your own thoughts. If she knew Rhys at all, he was almost certainly blaming himself for this. And, to her surprise, Feyre realized she did know Rhys.

To distract him, she said, “Cassian says I’m getting better at kicking ass. He also seems to think you’re out of practice. Apparently, a little more practice and I might be able to beat you.”

Rhys’ lips twitched. “Is that so? Cassian clearly doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

A raised eyebrow was all Feyre allowed. The flirty undertone to his voice had her too fucking excited for a conversation like this, with someone who had explicitly agreed to be her friend. But- “Are you sure? You’ve been at the gym most times I was there, but not this week. And you do seem a little... out of shape.” Who was she kidding? The man was no less ripped than before, and to claim he was gaining weight or losing muscle or anything was ridiculous. From the look on Rhys’ face, he knew exactly what she was thinking.

Rhys smirked. Shit, she hadn’t seen that smirk in too long. This was a horrible idea, trying to get reactions out of Rhys that she knew didn’t mean anything to him.

Unaware of Feyre’s inner turmoil, Rhys spoke. “I suppose I’ll just have to keep going to the gym, then, if I’m so horribly out of shape.”

Feyre’s eyes snapped to his biceps, clearly visible and defined through his t-shirt. She allowed only a glance before averting her gaze back to Rhys’ face. He was grinning.

She winced internally. He had turned this conversation around on her. They both knew what Feyre was thinking when she looked at his muscles and it was not that he needed to go to the gym more. She was edging the line between an innocent distraction and real flirtation. The latter of which was not something she needed to deal with. Nor did he, for that matter. Not after what had happened last time.

“That’s a good idea,” was all Feyre could manage. Rhys could clearly spot the change in her face. But he was surely thinking that he had gotten too flirty, and Feyre didn’t want that. Damn it. She was making such a mess of things.

He stood. “I can get some more tea. Or a snack.”

Feyre shook her head. “I’ve taken enough of your time. Thank you, Rhys, I really do appreciate it. But I should head out now.”

Rhys didn’t try to stop her as she hurried out the door.

[outcast-thingz]

Hello my lovelies im back once again with a song fic. I'm feeling SUUUUPER DUUUUPER iffy on this one, I don't like how I ended it but I'll put it up for now. Just know it may come down later for editing... anyways enjoy!

Pairing: Kyotani x Reader

Summary: loosing a match results in new friends and a new spark?

Warnings: fluff, and a bit of cussing here and there

Love at First Kick

       "Y/n please!" Oikawa begs. You briefly glare at the whiny boy. You grunt and struggle to win the arm wrestling match with Iwaizumi.

"I'm not going to be your-" you grunt again and successfully push Iwa's hand down on the table, "manager." You turn in your seat so you are fully facing Oikawa. The sinister look on your face is a complete 180 of how you normally look and act. "You interrupt one of my arm wrestling matches with Iwazumi again and I will send you to an early grave Trashbag. Now you two should go, you'll be late if you don't." You threaten. Oikawa smirks,

"You love me and you know it. If you didn't you wouldn't hang around Iwa-chan and I so much!" He lifts a finger as if a light bulb lit up above his head, "what about this? One more match with Iwa-cha. If you win I will stop pestering you about being our manager."

"And if I lose?" You dare to ask. Oikawa frowns,

"I'm surprised you have to ask Y/n-chan~" he returns to that stupid smug smirk, " I thought you were supposed to be smart. You are in smart classes aren't you?"

"Get to the point Trashbag, or I'm leaving." You threaten, he briefly glances at Iwaizumi

"If you lose then you have to agree to be our manager." His eyes narrow and his smirk deepens. Before you have the chance to argue Iwaizumi grips your hand. 

"I-... fine" you roll you eyes, "just be ready to look for someone else to be your manager." You agree begrudgingly. The match begins and you realize your mistake. While you had both been struggling for three round before this, you knew Iwaizumi had a bigger stamina than you. 'That asshole! He waited to ask for this match on purpose!' You thought to yourself as the struggling Iwa successfully slams your hand down. The moment he releases your hand you slam both of yours on the table and rise to your feet.

"Did you let me win earlier!? Because you were NOT pushing as hard as you were earlier!" You argue knowing you were wrong. Oikawa busts out laughing. Iwaizumi shakes his head,

"No, I just refused to lose this because I didn't want to listen to Trashy-kawa moan and complain for the next two weeks about failing again." He crosses his eyes and narrows them at you, " You let your guard down, not me. Maybe part of you wants our manager afterall." His eyes soften as you purse your lips knowing you'd been caught red handed. 

"I do not!!" You lied.

"Awe Y/n-chan~, or should I say Manager~. you don't have to be shy. You can say I finally got to you. After all everyone falls for my charms at some point." Oikawa teases before starting to run off. You spin on your heels and just barely miss being caught by Iwa.

'On the first day of class; you walked into the room; a hot little thing; with a bad attitude'

       You're hot on Oikawa's heels. If you hadn't been mad you would have fell over laughing when he looked over his shoulder and yelped seeing you so close. He busts into the gym where only one other boy happened to be. You kick Oikawa to the floor and quickly pin his arm behind his back.

"Damn Y/n I didn't know you were into that" Oikawa jokes as he winced in pain. A whistle rings out in the gym. Before you could do anything else to the aggravating captain a pair of arms wrap around you. Not knowing who it was turned all of your anger into panic. You struggled for a moment before realizing what you had to do to get free. You slam you head back/up hitting your capture's chin. Then you stomp on their foot as hard as you could. They release you. You spin and round house kick the boy kid that held you. You foot reaches the ground and a chilling grip lands on your shoulder.

"Y/n, calm down." Iwa's voice come from behind you. You work on slowing your breathing as you search for whoever held you. Once you spot him you look up at Iwa who nods and let's you go. Iwaizumi drags Oikawa off by the ear to the changing room where the rest of the boys were exiting from. You extend a hand to the poor boy, 

"Here." He looks you up and down, huffy, and grips your hand. As bright as his yellow hair was you could help but hold your gaze in his glaring eyes. His cold intimidating aura mixed and tangled with his firey, piercing eyes. You gripped as hard as you could and helped him to his feet. You could see his eyes soften as a warm light seems to hide behind the swirling honey brown pot for eyes he has. 

'And I knew, I knew; I knew you were trouble baby'

        "Are you okay? I'm sorry I kind freaked out when I realized it wasn't Iwaizumi who had their arms around me" you apologize. The brooding boy just stares at you for a moment. You purse your lips to the side and lift an eyebrow. After waving a hand in front of him, "hello? Did I really hit you that hard?" And calling to him he blinks. He shakes his head and sticks his hand out to you.

"Kyo- Kyotmmi" he mumbles as he keeps his eyes glued to the outstretched hand. You can't help but giggle and smile. You grip his hand and his eyes snap up to yours like an excited puppy. 

"Y/n," the two of you shake hands. Your hands part and fall to their respective sides. The rest of the team lines up beside Kyotani. You back up so you are in front of them but lined up with the middle person. They go down the line introducing themselves.

"Hello~! It's a pleasure to meet all of you, I'm Y/n! I will be you're new manager, so feel free to ask me any questions." You bow. "Pleasure to meet you manager!" All but one of the boys bow breifly and speak in unison. After a second or two Yahaba turns, slaps Kyo's back and laughs,

"Jesus Mad Dog. Breathe." The rest of the team joins in laughter. Once again you find yourself smiling and giggling,

"Relax Kyo-Kyo. I don't normally roundhouse people, just Oikawa when he gets on my nerves." 

       "Wait!? You roundhouse kicked Mad Dog!?" Kindaichi shouts with wide eyes. You cross your arms and rub your thumb back and forth on your bicep, 

"Yeah… again im really sorry about that Kyo-Kyo."

"I'm sorry did I hear you say Kyo-Kyo~? Awe Y/n-chan~ are you already falling for mad dog? What a cute nickname for him but kinda of opposite from his personality don't 'cha think?" Oikawa teases as he approaches the team with Iwaizumi. Iwa smacks the back of the captain's head. "Iwachan you're so mean!" Oikawa whines.

"Wait. Did you not say Kyo-Kyo? I- oh my! I-I I'm sorry, I really thought you said your name was Kyo-Kyo!" You blushed furiously as you explained yourself. The daggers shooting from Kyotani's eyes at his captain could kill an elephant. 

"Quit saying it if you don't mean it!" He barks at you as he turns his head to the side and stares st the ground. 

"What's that suppose to mean?" Yahaba jokingly elbows Kyotani who is matchingabout blush. Kunimi raises his hand to his chest,

"It was an accident but I think our Mad Dog actually likes our manager's nickname for him." Kyotani growls and glares at Kunimi. Oikawa stomps his foot like a child having a tantrum,

"Don't call him Mad Dog! That's my nickname for him!" Kunimi turns to his captain, pulls the bottom of his eyelid down and sticks tounge out. "RUDE! Don't do that to your captain!!" He chides. You watched as the other team members teases Kyotani while Kunimi messes with Oikawa. 

       Out of worry that the team was overwhelming you Iwaizumi gently places his hand on your shoulder. 

"Y/n?" You smiled and began to laugh. All mouths shut and eyes landed on you. You continued to laugh as the boys shared confused glances. "God, it's no wonder Iwaizumi is stressed all the time." You pause to continue laughing, "it certainly explains why on his bad days it's impossible to beat him in an arm wrestling match. He must be taking his frustration out on the matches. You all are insane…" you laughter dies down but your smile stays. "Losing that match might have been the best thing that's ever happened to me. I can't wait to manage you guys." You admit.

       Everyone shares a collective laugh and practice finally starts. Once it ends Kyotani runs up to you with that excited puppy look in his eyes again.

"Will.. will you arm wrestle me sometime?" He asks, his voice once again a mumble. You nod your head,

"Of course any time Kyotani!" His eyes became dim, almost as if he didn't like you calling him by his real name. He starts to shuffle away. You shake your head smiling yet again because of this hot-headed boy. "Hey!" You call out, "how about after some ice cream, you and I have a match?... Kyo Kyo~" His eyes light up but his face remains blank. You could see that inside he was smiling as he nods. Just like that your free night had a new date.

Taglist: @red-riot-rat @oof-she-needs-therapy @gayfanficanonymous

[confinedinthisflesh]

11x04 rewatch reactions by remmie

👀 spoilers ahead 👀

warning i am in pain, more irritable, and not completely mentally here so take these reactions and any posts after this with a grain of salt

- freddie is so cute!!

- love that the preview is the first scene

- btw what lady?? who moved in to the house after tony??

- "i spy, you shoot" 😦 wow

- god i know i'm more irritated rn but i really just don't care about carl again

- ohmygod franny no! djsjfkd is that a normal experience for young children? cutting their hair by themselves? i mean i gave myself bangs by essentially shaving the front of my part. it seems normal.

- oh god gallagher relations

- oh my god stop with carl please

- oh wow ian felt that

- fjsjdjd LOVE THAT IAN IS WATCHING BATMAN DJSJDJDDJDJ

- WJAJDJAJFIS WHY IS IT SO ZOOMED IN- HE LOOKS LIKE THAT FISHEYE FILTER MEME SJSJDDJSK I CAN'T LAUGH

- frank you used to sleep in your vomit and piss- while i hate terry with a burning pit of firey hell- you are also unhygienic and shitty as fuck

- okay wow they really are trying to make terry and frank do the homer ned fighting

- AWW UNCLE MICKEY MOMENT

- ooooooo sandy made a point!!!

- mickey your family is awful see through it please (therapy would help 😉)

- what is this shit? no? TAM TAM????

- the antiacid tablets in the back

- mickey you're going to give your husband a stroke ohmygod

- wow once again amy vs gemma stuff again 😔😔😔 when will gemma have rights

- oh wow they really put the flag in there, shameless people who work on the show why did you choose to do th at especially with trying to make this "battle" just a neighborly haha battle thing (i don't make sense when in pain)

- okay the pain meds have kicked in, debbie did you just kick out your girlfriend?? i mean she was never invited to move in but??? you never kicked her out before???

- HEY IAN AND MICKEY PUT ON YOUR MASKS????!!!!?????

- okay at least mickey can see it- oh wow ian looked too proud of himself

- AJAJSJSIDDJ SJSJDJEJSSJD DNDSKKDDKDJDJSDJSJSJDJSFJSJ THE SJSJDJSJDKSF SMIRK AND THE "MICK!"

- oh wow carl's past is haunting him 😐

- EWWWWW NO GROSS STOP IT BAD VIBES BAD VIBES

- wow okay please go back to the lip and tami scene, this is fucked

- bro if the gallaghers all move out into a new house i might cry harder at the end of the season

- kev made a good point i hate that i laughed

- debbie you did not put your ginger kid in a blonde wig 😐

- wait you went to his house?? excuse me??

- a h okay teacher who groomed tami, fun, so much fun haha 😐😐

- hey british shit is good leave it be

- oh my wow milkoviches are just that name

- oh wow debbie's "don't do this to me", hey debbie your kid doesn't owe you shit

- SHSJJDJS ohmygod, badass walk though

- ohmygod kev

- ABAJAJDJAJFJAKD IAN HOLDING BACK MICKEY- i lauGHED and almost dislodged my gauze

- ... tami... tami... ohmygod tami... 😦 you were groomed and taken advantage of...

- can y'all keep a consistent mask policy please- ohmygod debbie that's not what she means by privilege

- the amount of new milkoviches they have now my god

- frank. 😐

- oh wow someone really wrote this script

- that's a lot of weed

- oh my god lip can you please like report him?? to someone??

- okay y'all both went too far with calling each other out please stop please just listen to what your kids actually want

- the fact ian let mickey answer that

- also w o w a grand?!?

- PLEASE REPORT HIM! PLEASE!

- okay good speech but i could tell they were just gonna announce the winner

- wow okay didn't need to picture that

- OH HELL NO

- wow okay tami i love you you just did your own therapy

- THANK YOU LIP- now go report him!

- see why can't carl be robin hood esque

- ew ew ew ew

good episode i think, can't wait to see how and where exactly the security thing goes

[fireoinz]

I sure do love being trans -🔥

[popculturebuffet]

Jake Reviews Stuff: Star Vs: Friendenemies

Happy pride all. I’m getting ahead of this one for a number of reasons:  1) It’s pride month and this episode is one of the most shiptastic things i’ve seen with two male characters since Robochris from bravest warriors. I mean it dosen’t quite reach “Creating a skull robot of your best friend because he won’t touch you a lot to make him jealous enough to do that” levels of romantic tension but it tries. 

2) My good friend @jess-the-vampire​ is a tomco shipper, and with things being rough for her I figure she could use this sooner rather than later. 3) Shows are actually coming back with Amphibia emerging from it’s year long odinsleep the same week Close Enough finally escapes from it’s dumpster after 10,000 years to conquer earth before it gets put back in there then escapes again and marries lord zedd.. I lost the metaphor the point is I want to keep Tom train, and other star arcs I have planned, moving at a steady clip. 

So with all of that yeah, i’m ready to go. No real exposition to dump again, come on let’s go after the cut!

We open with Marco at his laptop nervous about something and Star coming into his room tangled in christmas lights... so normal day at Casa Diaz.  Anyways Marco can’t help star out of her latest self made prison because he’s preording tickets to a Mackie Hand Film Festival. Mackie Hand is Marco’s faviorite martial artist and movie star, who died performing a stunt on himself.. accidentally.. did he give himself a death punch? Is this the same universe as regular show.. please say yes.  Anyway as is natural for Marco in the first two seasons as god apparently hates him, the tickets sell out instantly and he dosen’t get them, banging his head against his laptop as Star TRIES to comfort him , saying he might still be able to get them. Marco also says “Good things don’t happen to me”

I mean just look at Season 3. Anyways tom comes in licking a rainbow snowcone for no explained reason other than they wanted to make it obvious this was the Tomco episode. Tom asks to hang out and after Star, understandably at this point given you know, the horrible date where he tried to murder her best friend and the gaslighting a few weeks back, tells him a million times no, Tom explains he’s not here for her.. he’s here for Marco. Marco, given tom’s threatned to kill him twice now and tried to at least once, isn’t biting. Tom naturally has tickets to the festival as a trump card, and assumes that time he kidnapped marco and played him in ping pong for his freedom counts as a friend hang out, and geuinely apologizes for his behavior promising not to get angry. Really while as you probalby know we DO get the reveal later he was partly doing this whole thing to finish his anger managment... I do get the sense this apology, and a lot of this is GENUINE. We’ll get more into the why in a bit, but he does seem to genuinely want to bury the hatchet.  Marco pulls star aside and, given the last two times he saw Tom, the boy had some horrible scheme up his ripped sleeves, he understandably, and as it turns out correctly, thinks Tom is once again up to some sort of scheme, star is fully on board. I have. mixed feelings about this. On the one hand STar did forgive tom for the previous episodes mess and Ponyhead for much worse and it does set up the tiny plot curnel of corn that would grow into an entire corn field of her still having some friendly feelings toward tom. But it just feels weird, even with how cahotic star can be to have her flip flop from “Stop calling me” To “You should totlaly go on a date with the guy who harassed me and tried to kill you twice now. “. Especially since next time she has an episode with Tom, She’s fully resentful of him and a bit snarky and spends and episode, in part thanks to aformentioned magical severed ponyhead, suspicious of him playing games with her head again. We’ll get there soon obviously, i’m just saying it feels mildly off. 

So Marco decides, much like bart simpson that getting where he’s going’s worth it even if he has to ride with the devil himself and reluctantly agrees. We see the inside of Tom’s carriage for the first time, and see my good personal friend dead horse again on the outside, and it’s really nice.. lit by torches because mood lighting, but similar to his room it’s plushly decorated and even has two serious speakers and according to Tom 6 flatscreens. Damn I wish I had one of those.. that and I wouldn’t have to drive since I can’t due to my anxiety. Plus who wouldn’t want a firey horse skelton sidekick? Anyways Tom offers Marco cold cereal and Marco is frank with tom, pointing out he’s suddenly being nice to Marco after never being nice to him before and understandably isn’t sure he’s even a mackie hand fan but a bit of banter and trivia shows Marco that no, Tom really seems to be telling the truth.  Tom then confides in marco that he gets why Marco didn’t belivie him: Most people dont’ get past their preconcived perceptions of him. And here the series does flesh tom out a bit: Tom admits to not having many friends.. which frames the previous two episodes in a diffrent light. Sure his actions to Star are still very much not okay... but you at least see WHY he was so obessive about her: She was probably the first real friend he had that wasn’t a casual aquantince, his own family member, or a pet. Most Mewman kids his age probably weren’t too keen to hang out with what to them was a monster, rich or not, little raicst shits. And in the underworld most people probably just did whatever he asked because they were afraid of his temper or his parents fury, even if his parents are the nicest people in the underworld. So when he lost her, Tom didn’t know how to properly react and while his first attempt to win star back was genuine, it was marred by his refusal to adress his anger or control issues that likely lead to Star dumping him in the first place. While Star’s forgivness HERE is a bit werid, her willingness to give him another shot wasn’t: Tom was SEEMINGLY genuinely trying. He was in therapy, he’d been anger free for several days and most glowingly, when a stranger karate chopped his hand off in a misguided attempt to protect star.. he got upset but instnatlly went into his coping mechanisms.  The problem was as I covered in that review.. Tom didn’t WANT to change. That’s the thing about changing: you need to both know there is a problem and WANT to fix it. And even then, as we’ll see sometimes i’ts hard. I know, i’ve had my own personal issues i’ve had to change up as years went on. It’s a slippery slope you have to constnatly climb up. And BMB era tom.. just didn’t WANT to change he just wanted to do what he thought star wanted that would get her to take him back, and couldn’t understnad why she wouldn’t just listen to him and obey, two things not in star’s vocabulary for anyone much less her ex. 

So , much like I did, rather than blame himself for screwing things up, he just saw it as Marco being in the way and tried to fix that. And so he sunk to rock bottom.. but it didn’t fix their relationship and it took Marco having an honest conversation, as someone who was also very close to her and knew her well, to get him to see that Star wasn’t going to take him back unless she wanted it.. what he was doing was selfish and self destructive.. and Tom probably realized in that moment he had to stop. He let her go, and thus as I put al ot of emphasis on last time, made his first step to being better.  And to me that’s why this makes sense as his next step: While it’s partly to fufill a checklist... you get the sense he really DOES like marco on some level. They hung out, which I do feel tom did genuinely feel was like friends hanging out instead of you know the second highest stakes game of ping pong i’ve ever seen. 

The first if your curious. So while part of this is Tom just wanting to get through anger managment for likely his parent’s sake, part of it is also him genuinely wanting to be somebody’s buddy, anybody but a bumbling butler. It’s just being Tom, he dosen’t know HOW to make friends or get them to see past who he is surface wise; a spoiled angry boy and see the inside, a nice kid who just has no idea how to talk to people beyond a surface level or understand them and we’ll see that more both in this episode and as we go. Speaking of going back in the episode proper, two bros drive up and insult Tom’s carriage also wondering if he’s going to his grandpa’s funeral. Fuck you both.. both on general principal and becaause his grandpapapapapapaaaaaaaaaaaa is alive and magnificent. 

Satan bless you Relicor. Anyways, Tom is naturally pissed at this and Marco challenges them to a race.. but eases tom off actually following them as, since this isn’t a fast and the furious movie, the police immidelty arest them and we get the blessed image above. Let’s see that again.

NOGODWHY

Not right but it’ll have to do I fear what may happen if I try again.  ONE BALLON DICK GIRAFFE LATER, our boys are on a high, as Tom finds there are things more fun than obletarating people. #tomhaskilledmultiplepeopleandisstillthebestboy. Marco is reminded of a song from his faviorite band Love Sentence, and Tom, suprisingy given his My Chemical Romance with a splash of metal astetic, is not only a huge fan but has a giant Helga Patiaki esque shrine to them complete with a cd player with shuffle. Fancy. 

We then get a wonderful, shiptastic montage of the two just hanging out, hanging out with a white tiger. Having themselves a party. And given the song itself, sung by 98 Degrees and horrible realtiy show Newleywed’s alumnus Nick Lachey, even says “we used to be enimies but now we have chemistry” yeah I think this is intentional and they are a good ship. Are they my prefered ships for the characters? No tha’ts kelly and flame princess... the last one was recent and I love a good crossover ship sue me. But I do headcanon both as still Bi and still find the ship great, it’s just not my main one. 

However the good times can’t last as it is film time... but Tom refuses to let marco leave befor eblowing his top off... dude that’s not how you build a suppportive relationship, you know this by now. Turns out the white tiger I haven’t mentioned to now is actually Brian, vocied my boy Stephen Root who apparently just.. lives at DIsney’s animation studios now as he has a tendency to show up in every other animated disney show. You may know him from Gravity Falls as Bud Gleeful, THe Mayor from Amphibia, or , in non disney voice work, Bill Dautrive. Turns out as I haven’t even tried to hide, Tom was in the final stage of his anger managment class and to get out of it had had to spend 3 hours with the person he hated most. As I said I do think part of it was GENUINE on tom’s part, that he was trying to be what he thought friends were... it’s just he didn’t get that Marco, if grumblinignly, probably STILL would’ve agreed if he were honest.  However.. it’s still a step up. While i’ts still a scheme, and his LAST on the show.. it’s more benign after the last two; Instead of being harmful his scheme this time is just “Bribe my worst enemy into hanging out with me and get out of anger managment” it’s still not quite right, but compared to the things he’s done with star, it’s an improvment and a sign he is changing despite himself. He could’ve just kidnapped marco again and forced him to spend the three hours.. granted this might’ve just been Brian saying, obviously no tha tdosen’t count, but still, instead he tried being nice and giving an apology. Even if it was for personal gain on some level, Marco’s words clearly got to him and he’s now trying genuinely unselfish tactics. It’s also notable since he spent the three hours with marco, and at least half an hour of awkarndess before it got all fun, WITHOUT getting angry or falling back on old stratgies and only beefing it at the end because, as i’ve established, he dosen’t get people.  So naturally tom gets mad.. while it is a sign he’s getting better he dosen’t do his trademark horrifying demonic EXPLOSION of rage... he’s still being petulant and sore over his failure is mad at marco for pritoritzing the tickets nad destroys them. Marco naturally calls him out, angry over him manipulating him to get some badge , as he puts it, calls him a jerk and a liar, accurate and the worst part to marco? “I WAS DUMB ENOUGH TO FALL FOR IT”

Credit where it’s due while I may not LIKE adam mcarthur as a person...as a voice actor he is excellent and his delivery here is perfect as you do get the pain in Marco’s voice as he genuinely ahd grown to care for tom. Wethere it was friendship or wanting to make out... probably wanting to make out, you get the pain in his voice. Tom admits the love sentence hting wasn’t a lie.. but too little too late.. whcih is marco’s second faviorite love sentence song and leads to another moment of shippy goodness. Seriously I see why this ship exploded in popularity after this. Also I will say both Adam and Rider have damn pretty voices.  So Tom does what any romantic lead faced with a third act breakup would do.. say a demonic chant and bring Mackie Hand back from the dead. This is also the first time we see just how fucking powerful tom is. Before we’ve seen him summon his carriage and immolate some stuff and easily reattach a hand.. but this is the first time that we see he’s every pit as powerful as star, who probably could raise the dead she just dosen’t want to. Granted I don’t know why this sort of undead stuff hasn’t been used on say, Moons assitnated mother, but presumibly anti-monster stigma combined with the fact that we don’t know HOW she died or how much was left, and are probably better off that way solve that. It goes a long way to explain why Tom’s family are allies instead of the conquered like most monsters: They have equal , if far diffrent and spookier, magic power and are the only kingdom with this trump card besides the butterfly kingdom. 

So as we close Marco tries to use Mackie to get in, the usher dosen’t buy it and a fight insues, but Marco and Tom patch things up, Tom becoming a fan of Mackie now he’s seen what the guy can do and Marco forgiving tom since, evne if his actions were still a bit greasy, he immidetly did his best to try and fix what he broke. The two are friends again despite them both saying they hate each other... but they clearly mean it playfully. The End.  Final Thoughts: After the Slog that was last episode this one is a fan faviorite for a reason... well okay 2 reasons. One...

And two.. it’s excellent. I feel bad it took me years to see this one, but it’s one of season 2′s finest. It’s funny, has great character stuff for both boys, introduces a new ship that’s fantastic and a great new dynamic between Tom and Marco that would carry for the rest of the show. It also beliviebly advances Tom’s character arc: He’s TRYING a bit but he’s still got a bit of the scheming and selfishness that defined his earlier outings, but it’s telling that after this episode, and hurting marco, he stops. This episode REALLY gets him to change that and for the better.  Sadly Tom would only make one more apperance this season in Naysaya, an episode I will cover when I cover Jackie and Marco at some point, but has him show up for a cameo when it turns out the episodes antagonist, a curse that takes the form of a sentient head that spills the target’s worst secrets and insecurities when they try to ask someone they like out, is Tom’s fault from back when he was a baddie, and Tom genuinely apologizes and tells him how to vanquish it, if ribs marco a bit since he cast that curse presumibly sometime between BMB and MCC and is delighed and suprised that Marco seriously hadn’t asked anyone out in that time. But it’s a nice bit that shows their not only still friends but Tom is genuinely sorry for some of his earlier behavior. We’ll see more of that as we go and more of tom trying to be better.. he’s made up with Marco, next time we come back to tomtrospective, we’ll see how it goes with Star. 

Coming up besides the obvious, as Pride Winds down I’ll have my first steven unvierse coverage, one of the first openly gay couples in western animation, and some asexula pride as we take our first look at Bojack Horseman..’s loveable rommate todd. Until we meet again, stay safe, black lives matter and later days. 

[lunartearrose]

Because i can't decide on what else to do: headcanons

Some assassination classroom headcanons about Gakushu, Karma, and Nagisa within the seven year gap. Or it all can be taken as just in general stuff because heck, it probably counts for other parts of their lives. Here we go!

For Gakushu:

-got addicted to coffee and now constantly has a mug of the stuff with him. He's got different mugs to keep variety.

-his highest amount of coffee cups per day is 15. But thats just on record its no quota

-rarely ever sleeps unless someone knocks him out or he has a sort of crash

-everyone refers to him as Asano, even himself. One could say he's kind of having issues with a problem of being unable to separate his own identity from his fam, but if you throw this in his face he'll deny it and be extremely conscious about it for a while.

-morning involve him getting out of bed, having a bagel or something and lying to his dad's face about getting enough sleep. Lets all face it: they both lie to eachother about sleep and just kind of keep it that way, neither wanting to bother to fix their issues enough to validly bring up the other's

-gakushu, if ever involved in a scheme where nagisa would usually be put in the dress, openly volunteer to both spare the boy and reason it as upstaging, specifically because either karma or rio said "nobody does it better than nagisa". He does it better because he's actually confident with the look, and nagisa was pretty grateful.

-he still group texts his big 5 pals

-can imitate voices crazily easily

-nagisa is helpful for asano. He helps him figure out his feelings and maybe reveals what emotions he tries to cover up.

-he at some point wonders how he would look with long hair and one summer, against his father's wishes, Gakushu grew it out. And due to his superhuman devil fam genes, it grew out pretty quick and shocked his class

-actually pretty impulsive when it comes down to things. Things got a little ugly when he tried to quit his addiction, and so karma had to be summoned to stop gakushu from, well, drinking pure caffiene he extracted from basically sciencing a bunch of coffee.

-expert at other people, fool when it comes to himself

-has heard stories and hates nagisa's mom. Zero trust

-supports nagisa and karma in things, tho usually subtly

Alright! On to Karma:

-prankster that can't resist doing what he thinks is funny, especially if it involves Asano

-tries to remember to call Asano by his first name as much as humanly possible. Though Gakushu is longer saying wise, its the guy's name.

-texting nagisa at any opportunity

-adores guys, adores guys in dresses, and just. Yeah he's gay keep scrolling

-visits good old E class to pick the lock and hang out in the empty rooms. Keeping desks clean, doodling on the chalkboard, all sorts of that stuff. He doesn't admit it, but he sometimes cries soley because he misses people

-karma is really emotional but does a good job at surpressing this when he needs to and generally acting chill all the time

-would throw hands with any enemy if they return, especially takaoka the friggin bastard

-and yes, be will put his pals in dresses. Anything that looks nice, yes

-catch him off guard and he still gets that full face blush

-throw hands with him he dares you

-if its a fun impulse he will let gakushu do it, and in fact, encourage it

-visits the guy through his lil balcony. Wants to visit nagisa but nagisa is far away and it makes him kinda sad

-apprehensive and embarassed at first, but yes, he shall dawn the dress one time. Gakushu and nagisa have bunches of pictures. The tables have been turned

-finds it fun when people get passionate over things - this is why he likes to fight gakushu in academics and the occasional spar if the guy wants.

-will call u cute in that certain tone he uses for people

-supports nagisa's haircut. Like hell yes!!! Nagisa is being himself!!!!

Now, finallyy, Nagisa:

-really just polishing his already perfect assassin skills

-paints his nails so they look shiny like snake scales, like that metallic green that shines to blue to purple in certain lights. Who said nail paint had to be a girly thing? Especially when it looks so cool

-still working on getting his mom to leave him alone and undo some of the damage she's left him with. Also uses his knowledge on how to cope to help Gakushu get past his sleeping habits and air out the bits of toxicity that remain between him and his father. Remember, if you get more sleep than your jerky father, you're better than him and winning

-will decline crossdress requests until further notice. He wants to be comfy with his own body and until he can get himself away from the thoughts of his past with his crappy mom that still bother him, no skirts.

-goes to therapy because he wants to get better and get past feelings he has trouble with letting go

-the afformentioned boys love his spooky faces and smiles

-will give a cheek smooch to close pals if they ask him. Cheek smooch is platonic in his eyes usually!

-he and kayano are gossip buds and often talk over feelings. She supports him and he does his best to do the same

-he wants to visit karma but... there is so much schoolwork.... hfkjgh

-also! Deathly afraid of growing apart from his friends, esp. Karma

- "asano please for the love of god take the dresses mom keeps sending me i dont want them burn them"

-if takaoka ever became a problem again things would probably escalate to bloodshed this time

-he is still the best assassin and can definitely sneak into wherever his classmates or even where asano starts work to visit them

-will give other pals nails the snake gradient paint job. Karma's will have a firey scale look and asano gets a cool purple to lightish red

-suggested the new hairdo karma has

-rlly honestly just cool and love his friends and supports them

Thats all i can think of for the moment! Hope y'all enjoy these. Ive been writing a fic featuring some of these so i hope you enjoy these until im finished w that💖

[lavender-montgomery]

Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark (2019) - Thoughts [SPOILERS]

So I finished watching this movie about 51 seconds ago. I was very excited for this film when it was first announced. I only read one of the books when I was a kid and I don’t remember it, I was more a Goosebumps and Pointe Horror kid, however I was still excited. I saw the trailer I believe before Annabelle: Creation when I went with my friend, and we vowed to go see it in the cinema. Spoiler: We didn’t go see it in the cinema. I completely forgot. This was August 2019. It is now March 2020 and I have only just remembered, so I watched it for free online. Don’t tell the police. I’m kinda glad I didn’t pay to go see it, although I do feel it woulda been better in the cinema environment with the surround sound. If you’re watching this on a computer I 10/10 recommend wearing headphones/earphones. I put mine in half way through and it improved it greatly, even when my laptop was on full blast. 

So the film starts and immediately I notice it’s set in the past when President Nixon was a thing, so correct me if I’m wrong but I believe that was early 70s. I dunno, I’m British and don’t know much about American history. It also begins on Halloween - excellent, we’re off to a great, spooky start already. A touch I appreciated was the Halloween costumes the cast were wearing. Home made costumes of a spider, a clown and a witch. Loved them, kids don’t wear stuff like that anymore. I’d love to have costumes like that. So it starts off with the three main characters getting revenge on some bullies - pretty standard. One character annoys me when he takes it too far by throwing a bag of poop lit on fire into the bully’s car - which his big sister is sat in. Oops. Can’t help but judge this character already as that was pretty stupid. Didn’t bother me that much though as I’d forgotten about it until going over my notes just now. The kids hide in someone’s car at a drive thru, in comes the fourth main character, Ramone. That’s another thing I loved, the drive thu showing a black and white horror film on Halloween night, all of the old cars pulled up. That’s a rare thing nowadays, I think in the twelve years I have lived here I’ve only seen one drive thru - and I have kept an eye out always as I’ve wanted to go to one since seeing Greece when I was a kid. 

Obviously the kids make the stupid decision to go to the town’s creepy house that has a scary story attached to it. What else would they do? And also obviously they find a secret door no one has ever found so OBVIOUSLY they have to go through it and get locked in by the bullies. Duh.

I noticed this movie has a very dark colour scheme. I get that adds to the spookiness, but damn I’d like to be able to see what’s going on every once in a while. I kept adjusting my laptop and moving the screen but to no avail. 

What’s the scary story, you ask? There was a family who lived there who had a daughter named Sarah who killed a load of kids in the town who then killed herself. Please note the whole plot of the movie revolves around Sarah’s book of scary stories that come true and kill kids, and she writes in it in the afterlife. I was a bit confused about if this book killed kids before the movie was set and it was a known thing, or if it happened for the first time in this movie. I THINK it supposedly happened before but I can’t say for certain - I was texting when this was spoken about, my bad. 

Something that had me frowning was when they went into this secret room that was supposedly locked for a hundred years... The candles were lit. Why? How? I didn’t see any of the kids light the candles, but there they were, lit and burning bright as anything. Like I mentioned, they get locked in this room along with their big sister by the school bully they through the firey poop at. But the book sets them free. Somehow. 

Come to think of it, it must be known that the book has killed kids as they mention it. Silly me. So nerd girl Stella continues to read after being told it kills kids... Stella, are you thick? Characters like that drive me mad. She even took the book home. Dumb ass. Then again, she is a huge horror fanatic as her bedroom is plastered in horror film stuff, and she’s a mega nerd, so how could she not take the book? I would. It’s a bit spooky when she’s looking at the book later on and it isn’t finished and ink is still wet as it’s still being written. Reminded me of in Harry Potter.

I started to suspect this movie would be like the Goosebumps movies. It was more what the Goosebumps movies shoulda been - no offense to those movies or the cast, I just feel they were aimed at an audience younger than the book audience both old and new. 

The first monster we saw was the scarecrow. He was a bit creepy. I realised all the monsters in it are targeting specific kids with their worst fear. ‘You don’t read the book, the book reads you.’ The scene with the scarecrow made me think of umm I think it was called In The Tall Grass on Netflix, because of the dark corn field, the sound of the plants in the wind and the fact he couldn’t get out of the field. What I don’t get when the bully Tommy died, he turned into a scarecrow - why was this scarecrow not found? It still looked like him. 

Ruth. Ruth is one of the kid’s big sister. She’s beautiful. Not much to say on her really, she wasn’t in it THAT much. But she was incredibly pretty. 

I liked the part where Stella took the book back to the house then when she went home, Ramone found it in her bedroom. It was a bit cliche but it worked. 

The next monster we saw was a scary ghostly figure missing her toe. The kid this ghost was targeting stupidly hid under his bed while the door was being opened then only seconds later he emerged. Suprise surprise he was taken/killed. I’d be under that bed all night if it was me, stuff coming out seconds after the door is opened. He did a quick look left and right then that was it. Made me feel a bit grim when he almost ate this ghost’s toe in the stew in the fridge. Bit of background: the ghost walks around saying ‘who took my toe’ as the toe is missing off her/his body. Not sure why. I’m sure there was a reason why this kid was scared of this monster but I don’t remember it and for some reason I didn’t take note. Feel free to let me know and I’ll add it on. 

The next monster we saw wasn’t really a monster, it was spiders. A lot of them. Which, to be honest, is the worst one of all the horror characters as I am extremely terrified of spiders. The sister Ruth had them all crawling out of a ginourmous zit/spider bite on her face. It’s quite sad that she’s hospitalised for her breakdown and is absent for almost the whole rest of the movie. I quite liked her, woulda liked for her to be in it more. The scene where she’s covered in spiders reminded me of one of my psychosis hallucinations that I have bugs all over my body, hundreds of them running over me - before anyone asks, yes, it is scary. 

So for some reason there’s a character called Lulu who is an old lady who I think is blind and she’s a bit off her rocker. When she was a child she was friends with Sarah. She didn’t really do much for the story. The only benefit was they found out Sarah killed herself at hospital not at home, but I’m sure they coulda discovered that elsewhere. It’s a shame as she was a very interesting character. It was a bit creepy when the music box just like Sarah’s starts playing and Lulu sings along, then when Sarah’s book is shown the music stops. 

The sad part about Sarah is her family had her sent to the hospital and they lied about everything. Her own brother was her doctor, giving her electroconvulsive therapy and abusing her. No wonder she came back and killed a load of kids, she was put through a lot in her childhood when she was completely innocent, she wanted to help. She didn’t do anything she was accused of. In voice recordings of her interview she kept saying ‘I didn’t do it’ and you could hear her get electrocuted. This made me so sad, I really felt for her. She tried to save the kids by telling people what her family were doing to the water, so her family framed her. Tragic. It was a bit creepy when after this part, the recording they were listening to then spoke to them saying ‘I’ll tell you what you want to hear’. One of the creepiest parts of the film, sadly. 

The next monster we saw was the fat pale lady. She was a bit creepy and weird, my favourite monster out of all of them. She didn’t really do much, though. But her design was cool. The costume was so well done, she was chilling and realistic. The teen she was after couldn’t run away, no matter which way he turned she was there. I’ve had a nightmare similar to that, so the scene gave me a bit of anxiety. She looked how I imagined Umbridge in the Harry Potter books before she was in the movies. 

Broke my heart a little when the girl Stella was on the phone to her dad. He was so worried and wanted to help but he couldn’t. You could tell he really loved her, especially after everything they’ve been through what with the mum leaving. 

It took me ages to catch on - each monster/story is of the victim’s worst fear. 

Next monster was the Jangly man. He was also very well done. The way he moved was unnatural and creepy. I feel they overdone the dead look and sound effects but that’s okay. He was truly disturbing. I loved how he managed to squeeze between the bars in the police cell to get to Ramone. Also loved how he could dismember himself and put him back together. 

I appreciated how the film wasn’t reliant on jump scares like something I watched recently *cough* Brahms: The Boy II *cough*. The monsters in this mighta scared me if I was a young kid. 

So it ends with the girl Sarah who was writing the stories was doing it for revenge, and Stella talks her into stopping. Predictable ending but it worked. I liked when Stella became Sarah back in the past when she was locked up and they didn’t know she wasn’t Sarah. When Stella was locked in the basement, everything went back to normal and she was Stella gain. The creepy music box played again and Sarah appeared, angry. I felt the acting in this scene wasn’t great, it was like watching a year eleven GCSE drama duologue. 

When Ramone was drafted and he said goodbye to Stella, they shown that they had feelings but they didn’t kiss which I am glad about. That would have been a very cheesy ending to the movie. 

Is there going to be a sequel? It ended with Stella, Ruth and dad going on a hunt with the book as Stella thinks the book can bring back all the kids that went missing due to the stories. Will it work? Maybe in another movie? I kinda hope not. I most likely won’t watch it, this movie wasn’t good enough for a sequel. The script and cast were meh, the plot was eh, I’m rating it a 4/10 and that’s being generous. Wouldn’t recommend to others especially adults and I won’t be watching again - I am so glad I didn’t pay to go to the cinema to see this.

[triplealysine-blog]

disco space cat

Let’s see. I’m an Aries and I need to fucking analyze everything otherwise it makes me go insane.Or i’m just insane all the time. I mean I used to just add things to my agenda so I don’t have to deal with feelings but I don’t know, I physically cannot focus and do that. Plus, I’m trying to get better so maybe writing things down and taking care of my emotions head on will help me deal with things better. 

So here we fucking go. I mean on Thursday I went along my day knowing that I would intentionally make bad decisions. I was trying to be convinced by my friends to not do any of that, obviously, but you know me. I’m an Aries, if i’ve already made my decision and I know it’s for sure going to get me an outcome that is a “win” then here we go. Even if it’s going to drag me through fire, I’m going to fucking do it. And by winning, I mean like idk...I’m not trying to conquer this person, b/c people are their own people and I DUNNO. When I have a goal, I do everything I can to achieve it, no short cuts (that’s questionable with this situation? hmm). Anways, them. It’s one of those fucking Romeo and Juliet fucking situations. Me and them...We both socially associate and are friends with VERY DIFFERENT groups of people. I obviously feel insecure about it, I already know my friends don’t approve. One of them said “ you slept with that person?!?!” After seeing a facebook picture of them. To give context, my friends care about how they look a lot and I feel like they need to fit the social construct of beautiful, tall, and skinny. 1 of those traits is genetic so that can’t be changed, but you get the drift.  And then i’m that short, one asian friend. How have I assimilated to their group? Who knows. Off tangent. Uhm anyways I’m jumping around here because I’m so frazzled and don’t know how to coherently talk about this story. Uh so this person I’m interested in. I dunno, We like the same random things in a lot of areas of music, books, and movies and just things. Like very specific, not popular things. They’re no bs from what I see and they feel so comfortable in their own skin. They also just seem so invested and have so much compassion and drive for something they want to do. That’s a quality I like to see in people, just seeing someone so engrossed with something and really trying to perfect the nuances for what they’re working. That drive to tirelessly accomplish something they’re passionate about. 

Let’s just back track to when I first met them. It was in an improv class last year. I absolutely abhorred that class, because i’m a classical musician (long story short I ended up liking it even though i bashed on it weekly). First day of class we all did those introduction and ice breakers bullshit....It felt like one of those group therapy sessions. We were all sitting in a circle, staring at each other and trying to take in how each individual is so fucking different and in so many different majors. Anyways, they were there, so //strikingly// different and they just stood out with their newly dyed hair and some getup that was so fucking abstract to me. They introduced themselves with another name at the time and told the class that they were interested in improv but were very shy. They wanted to be in this class to become less shy and perform for an audience with their voice without all the jitters of insecurity, etc. As the semester rolled by they would always intensely stare at me, and I would stare fucking back. These improvs were long, so sometimes it would just be a staring contest. Usually they would win. It was annoying. From what they told me //yesterday// they said they would stare at me because I looked passionate and beautiful >///> when I played. UGH. Slay me please. Back to last year...I dunno, I always felt so drawn to them. I sound like a fucking 14 year old girl (according to my friends and myself). Anyways, I would try to hang out with them during breaks and be down for anything and everything. I accompanied them to Walgreens one time and they just told me a bunch of random things about themselves and I was definitely into it.  I also started to make jokes and mess with them ( I usually don’t do that unless I know a person for awhile). We did hang out like that a few other times, at some point I gave them my number. Jump to the more recent days where I’ve been an absolute mess and they’ve asked me to do an improv with them and a few others (who were also in the improv class last semester) for a performance called TNS (Thursday Night special where people play what they’re working on and get totally shit faced, the shit faced aspect is obviously drawing me bc i’m a fucking binge alcoholic). Obviously I said yes and so I’ve been practicing with them the last few weeks. Oh, did I also say that during this time I was on tinder? I saw them on tinder and swiped right just for fucks and obviously to wonder if they swiped right. AND GUESS FUCKING WHAT, we fucking matched bitches. My first message was “lol.” So fucking smooth right? They sent a message back like a day later with the eyes emoji.  We exchanged a text more or two and then they finally said “So was this a friend or a something else swipe because tbh I am completely fine with both.” I responded all “cool and calm” saying “I’m down for either. I don’t mind.” And then a few minutes later I got the balls and said “ And you’re cute so :P”..They responded with “ OH dramn...so like in that case we should like....hang out more....Also, you are also very cute, fancy that.” We exchanged more texts on tinder and such, very minimal. Onto the second week we started practicing for their piece titled...let’s say “Cassiopeia.” We started to play the improv, and they were conducting me, and the 3 other musicians. Obviously I’m staring at them to perform and just b/c i’m like high-key like crushing on them. During the middle of the improv, for some reason they fucking kept on staring at me like 75% of the time. After contemplation during this improv I fucking winked at them. They basically lost it and their face was so fucking beet red. As fucking red as their fucking firey dyed hair. That blush killed me. Literally. We like giggled and laughed it off during those like 20 seconds. We were all still playing of course, the harpist and the bassist were like into the music and not paying attention to this little fiasco. But i fucking turned my head to the left where the sax player was playing and she laughed and had a very confused expression, mouthing to me “what’s going on???” and obviously I just shook my head and turned. Yeah fuck me b/c AGH. Their blush was...*cries*..reminds me of really gay and horribly written fanfiction. Anways, that week goes by and we have another rehearsal in which I was rushing to leave bc my friend was crying and i had like work to do. As I was leaving somehow I agreed to hang with them afterwards? Skip to me hanging out with them in their room...I forgot they had a fucking cat and I was hella allergic and my eyes were getting so ugly and puffy. THey were coughing so I offered to give them my inhaler (probs a bad decision but ill get another one) so I could run to my dorm and get that plus take some allergy pills. I was so fucking excited so i ran to my dorm (tripping occasionally,) and got the inhaler, plus a strong steroid one to give them and like scarfed down 2 zyrtecs and my strong nasal allergy spray...Anyways, we just hung out and chilled on their bed. Nothing happened, but as the time went on (till like midnight-1am) I progressively got closer to them. Did I tell you they’re warm as fuck?

Onto the next week for TNS (which was this past thursday). That’s the fucking day where I knew I would make very bad(but good?) decisions. OBviously everyone drank and smoked and played music. our improv went so fucking well and I hung out with them and followed them everywhere. THis other dude they’re interested in was there so idk. He kissed her on the cheek and I was like “ should I get the other side” and I fucking kissed their cheek. I was probably drunk at this point and very bold lol. Did I tell you that their cheeks and face is literally so fucking soft. I’m going to finish this later b/c i am sleepy.