#from my dbt group

[sakuranightmarez]

[bpdamn]

so i finally made a list with all the therapists (31 in total - fml) i‘ll have to call and i really fucking hope i‘ll ACTUALLY do it this time. i desperately need a stable support system especially with uni starting again in a month

[scarletcomet]

ngl besties but i am not doing so great right now. anyone else not able to function because of constant thoughts of hurting yourself and crushing depression?

[bbygirl-obi]

"the jedi don't have therapists-"

jedi philosophy, and in particular the practices and teachings that jedi were expected to implement in their everyday lives, was therapy. dialectical behavior therapy (dbt), to be exact. anyone who's familiar with dbt knows where i'm already going with this, but like genuinely look up the basic tenets of dbt and it's identical with what the jedi were doing.

dbt, to put it simply, is a specific therapy technique that was designed for ptsd and past trauma. it's pretty different from traditional talk therapy. it combines a few different environments (individual, group, etc.), recognizing that no single format of treatment can stand alone.

the key focuses of dbt include:

emotional regulation- understanding, being more aware of, and having more control over your emotions

mindfulness- regulating attention and avoiding anxious fixation on the past or future

interpersonal effectiveness- navigating interpersonal situations

distress tolerance- tolerating distress and crises without spiraling and catastrophizing

i'm sure it's already clear from that list alone how much the jedi teachings correspond with the goals of dbt. the jedi value, teach, and practice the following:

identifying and understanding emotions

mindfulness and living in the present

compassion, diplomacy, and conflict resolution (on interpersonal scales, not just planetary or galactic)

accepting and tolerating certain levels of distress or discomfort (particularly mental, such as discomfort at the thought of losing a loved one to death)

idk man seems almost as if jedi mental health practices and dbt are two sides of a completely identical coin. (fun fact: both star wars and dbt are products of the 70s.)

and guess what? dbt was specifically designed as a treatment for borderline personality disorder. remember that one? or, if you don't, maybe you remember a specific character, the one who was literally used as an example by my professor in my undergrad psych class when she was teaching us about bpd?

tldr: simply existing within the jedi community, practicing jedi teachings, surrounded by a support network of other jedi of all life stages, was the therapy for anakin. even when viewed through a modern lens. it was even, more specifically, the precise type of therapy that has developed in modern times to treat the exact types of mental issues he was struggling with.

[pixiis-blog]

...

[copperbadge]

RE watching thoughts: I’m not 100% sure, but it might be that the whole “I am not my thoughts” is about engaging and identifying with your metacognition MORE than your initial thoughts. Because I get where you’re coming from - what is a consciousness but a collection of thoughts and feelings? But you can also have thoughts about your own thoughts that are more useful for dealing with whatever situation you’re in, I guess. (Random aside - every time I start thinking about thinking about thinking my brain inevitably starts thinking about Tiffany Aching and The Wee Free Men.)

I really should have replied to this ask sooner because it's going to seem like a non-sequitur now (this was sent much earlier in March) but I'm kind of glad I didn't, because I've been chatting with people about this and I think I understand more why there's an emphasis in some therapies on the idea that we are not our thoughts.

(I uh, haven't read the Tiffany books so I'm not much help there.)

I am coming to understand that many, perhaps most, people judge themselves, comprehensively and harshly, based on their thoughts. Perhaps it's just a lot of people who struggle with mental health, but given the commonality of the sentiment I don't know if I'd confine it that tightly; generally it appears that people cannot conceive of themselves as anything other than a binary of good or bad. So many people I've talked to about this portion of DBT, the watching-questioning-identifying thoughts portion, say that it helps to snap them out of a spiral of "I'm a horrible person, I deserve to suffer/die, I can never be redeemed" after they've failed at something, or had a negative thought, or reacted poorly to an unexpected event.

That is not something I've ever experienced. I mean, jokingly maybe, but not in a real, internal sense.

And that's not to brag -- I'm not saying I think I'm a good person, either, because I don't think I'm a good person. I don't conceive of myself in terms of good or bad. I never cuddle my cats and think "I'm such a good cat dad" or forget to feed them and think "I should die now." I have a perpetual morally neutral attitude towards my own existence; my thoughts and actions might trend me one direction or another but I'm aware of the temporary nature of that. If I fuck up I'll worry about who I might have hurt or whether I'll be fired or what's going to happen as a consequence, if I am polite to someone who didn't deserve it I know I was acting kindly in the moment, but I don't make an inherent moral judgement of myself based on that. And it seems like the vast majority of people do. Which you would think would make me feel pretty good about myself, but honestly...I don't know.

A lot of people I know who have ADHD or are Autistic have talked about seeing themselves as other, as alien -- like that one webcomic artist who draws themself with little antennae to indicate they're strange and different. I've always understood why one might do that, but I never felt that way myself, before or after the diagnosis. After all, let's remember, I was The Normal* Child of my siblings, and if I was The Normal One before the diagnosis, why wouldn't I remain Mostly Normal after?

* As ever, I'm using "normal" as a cultural term, to indicate what we think of as mainstream, not because normal is a thing that really exists.

My life has been relatively solitary -- I have friends and family and I love them but I'm rarely part of a large group, I don't spend a lot of time out in public interacting with people, I'm not a big socializer. Before the Adderall, I really couldn't be, I took too much psychic damage from interpersonal interaction, so I chose those very carefully. And now my DBT class has been a rare moment when I'm encountering contradictions to a lot of my assumptions about the way human beings in our society interact, react, and behave. I just...don't fit that mold very well. I think of it as having crossed wiring, not in the sense that I'm faulty but just in the sense that I'm very, very different. Not Normal. It's not exactly a bad feeling but it's certainly not a great one, internalizing the sensation of alienness.

DBT is proving to be a mixed bag but not in the way I or my therapist intended -- it seems to be either things I was already instinctively doing or things that simply do not apply to me. In one way it's disappointing because it means there isn't much help to be had (we're a little over halfway through the course and I keep thinking "Maybe next class will be useful") but on the other hand it's validating that so much of what I came up with myself as unconscious coping mechanisms is literally what I would have been told to do anyway.

Sometimes it's a combination of both, though, which really blows. I guess most people, if they reframe another person's actions, actually find emotional relief in that, and I don't. An example from the class is that if someone is rude to you, you can consider how they might be having a hard day, and be polite in return; that's great, in terms of defusing a situation, and it's something I do a fair amount of. But apparently it's also something that for most people results in feeling less awful about the interaction, and that's not the case for me. Which is why so much of DBT feels to me like lying to oneself. It's not lying for most people.

So, yeah. I'm going to finish out the course and keep trying things with the therapist but I suspect given everything, I might already be at "as good as it gets" in terms of emotional work. Which isn't the worst thing in the world, and there is still the option to try medication that could help, but I think there will come a point where I'm going to have to deal with the fallout of just how different I am, and how that has impacted my life. Might end up a good thing; something I've really been trying to resolve is unhappiness over being unpartnered and highly likely to remain that way, and at least if this provides a better understanding of why, then perhaps I can process that and put it to rest in a way I've been trying to do but not succeeding well at.

So, we'll see. But I find it both fascinating and kind of horrifying how many people can believe they are irredeemably bad, even if the belief is only temporary, simply because they had an uncharitable thought or impulse. It makes me somewhat grateful for the crossed wires, at least.

[sapph1cyearning]

Wilhelm's Mental Health; Autism or Borderline Personality Disorder?

Wilhelm’s mental health status is a complex issue that has been heavily commentated on by the fandom, from what I've observed within the YR fandom, a large number of fans headcanon Wilhelm as having autism but I hope to explore autism and it's symptomology outside of the white male perspective that is defaulted upon in autistic representation by overviewing symptoms that contribute to the interpretations of Wilhelm having either Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). These two disorders can show up in similar forms, and often get misdiagnosed (especially women and non-white people are immediately pointed toward the BPD diagnosis rather than ASD due to assessor’s prejudice and society's higher expectations for minority groups to mask autistic traits while in public). A key difference between the two is that ASD is a genetic disorder while BPD is a disorder that develops due to childhood trauma. Both disorders have a high likelihood for comorbidity with other mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD.

Content Warning: Frank commentary of symptoms associated with Borderline Personality Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder, including: self-harm, substance abuse, and emotional dysregulation.

Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional but I am autistic, and I’ve known quite a number of people with either BPD or autism [In my teenage years, I stayed at a long-term DBT-based treatment center, a therapeutic specialty for created to address BPD that has been expanded to treat other mental health struggles and disorders that go hand-in-hand with BPD symptoms (Substance abuse, self-harm, OCD, etc.)]. This is also solely based on what is seen in the show, not actors' interpretations that are expressed through interviews.

Throughout the series Wilhelm (W) is seen engaging in a multitude of behaviors and experiences feelings that he expresses verbally that could be interpreted as fitting as symptoms of both.

Notably the scene where W is seen smacking his temple with his palm (1x05) can be interpreted as either: purposeful self-harm (a common self-destructive coping mechanism for overwhelming emotions in BPD; his alcohol and drug use could be described similarly) or a self-stimulatory behavior (stimming), a characteristic of ASD to aid in regulating or expressing intense emotions (while W is engaging in this with a “negative” emotion, stimming is used with all emotions), other example include his chest-rubbing, and frequent caressing of different textures.

Intense mood-swings, anger, and difficulties with emotion processing, this is quite evident in W's actions, emotional responses, and feelings he expresses verbally. Both disorders have been observed to have intense changes of emotions at a “drop of a hat.” ASD mood-swings are typically related to exposure to sensory input that is quite uncomfortable, overstimulation, and/or meltdowns (breakdowns due to a culmination of intense feelings, sensory input and/or overwhelming experiences). BPD mood-swings and impulsive actions are more related to triggers of trauma responses, and a lack of regulatory measures

Symptoms Specific to Each Disorder:

BPD:

Attachment to Favorite Person (FP), a symptom of BPD where one idolizes one person in their life to an extreme degree, wanting to spend all their time with their FP, and intense anger and despair with perceived betrayals/slights against them/mistakes. W goes through 2 FPs (Erik and Simon). He adores Erik, and feels betrayal when Erik leaves him at Hillerska. Simon quickly becomes a FP, seeing him as perfect and feeling betrayal when Simon messes up (drug dealing) and the utter despair and hopelessness when Simon needs space and starts dating Marcus; “It feels like I’m going to die” (2x04) (Could be a consequence of being utterly isolated due to being Royal and latching onto anyone who shows care to him)

Unstable / Ineffective Relationships (Simon, Kristina, Minou, and other hierarchy figures): BPD is often associated with people with the disorder lashing out against "completely innocent" people for "no reason", while this can be accurate, it does not account for the triggering of such episodes (See above)

Substance Abuse: People with BPD may utilize alcohol and/or other substances to "numb themselves" from BPD symptoms or distance themselves from harmful memories (autistic people also experience substance abuse and addiction at higher rates than the general allistic population but it is often seen as a crutch to cope with the constant stress of existing in an allistic world which is not implied in what pulls W to substance use throughout the show)

ASD:

Expansion on Sensory Issues: W seemingly wears the same sweater-button up combo often, just with different sweater colors — Grey, teal, and that god-awful bright orange — ensures safe textures when buying new items but he might just have a clothing stylist with horrid taste. W's struggles with the suffocating feel of the suit (2x05). He rarely utilized the overhead lights in his room, instead relied on his string lights, lamps or natural lighting (Florescent and LED lights can trigger light sensitivity and contribute to sensory processing difficulties in autistic people)

Preoccupation with the concept of normalcy (1x01), as a kid being autistic often ostracizes you from your peers, being deemed the “weird kid” is very damaging thus W may have been enticed by the prospect attending a regular high school to like "normal people" (this concept is intrinsically tied to social class throughout the show, W wants normalcy of a lower class while Sara wants conform to a higher class but that's a different spiel). This can lead to masking; the act of forcing oneself to hide their autistic traits in order to fit into Allistic norms. (My one dispute to this interpretation is he's seemingly more disgruntled by the pomp and circumstance of being Royal that "others" him rather than peers judging him)

Lack of social cues (Not even going to waste my time explaining this one, the man had no game, absolutely none, it’s a wonder that he pulled Simon)

This far from a full list of symptoms seen in W's characterization but it's a broad overview of the signs I saw from an autistic lens. I lean towards Wille having Borderline Personality Disorder based on the fact that significant aspects of Autism Spectrum Disorder can be correlated to his unfortunate circumstance of being royalty.

[tabithatwo]

Can I ask why you don’t like this new season of yj? No hate or anything, I’m just genuinely curious

I’m so tired and probably won’t be very coherent but that’s okay there’s like six more of these in my asks if I want a second more thorough answer tomorrow lol but a lot of how I feel is in posts on my blog and I’ll just talk mostly 2x08 here. I’ve been hanging on tight until this episode but it has BROKEN me. Like I’m in mourning lol. To anyone who likes it I’m so happy for you I’m not coming for you at all.

But to me the main issue I’ve had is how they have constantly had opportunities to go DARK and SHOW the devolution but they played it very fucking safe (the makeup being the catalyst, Shauna’s birth being truly the safest option possible, like an episode of call the midwife except a fucked up dream happens, etc) and there was no actual build to the level of violence and depravity (or even RELIGION BUILDING) that the card draw sacrifice calls for. The ate Jackie because she was already dead and the wilderness slow cooked her, they were all mourning the baby last episode, they showed us Misty feeling potentially genuine remorse and guilt for Crystal? The “cult stuff” up until now has been mostly fucking dbt techniques and self harm. Yes the shauna lottie last episode was intense but we got absolutely zero follow up on it in any real characterization way for shauna this episode.

Then they kicked us out of the room when the decision was being made and I PROMISE people who think that was a shit move are largely not thinking they needed to explain the card game. It’s about showing your characters in pivotal huge moments. Yellowjackets is advertised and set up in s1 as a psychological horror. I want to see the characters GRAPPLE with things in a psychological horror. Seeing how they got from point a to point b isn’t about understanding the rules of their game, it’s about seeing developed characters reactions to crazy fucking shit.

Instead we get a jump straight into everyone drawing a card and the group deciding to kill one of their two hunters. Would some be on board with no questions asked? sure, but to ask the audience to believe that it just Makes Sense that they landed here after being very fucking relatively TAME all season until that one fight (I was so scared after that scene and no one reacting that this is the jump they were making, based on one moment alone and I was so sad to see it happen lol) is a big ask.

Now add on top of that the way they’re cutting us out of the actual character driven moments. That wasn’t psychological horror, that wasn’t delving into characters psyches like we’ve been promised. It was a thriller moment, change on a dime, maybe for shock value I guess. To me that interim would’ve been a very hard scene to write, a glimpse even of them deciding and reckoning with this belief and darkness in themselves. It’s a large group with a lot to juggle and big messy dynamics. And the easy way out of that is to just not show it at all.

People keep saying “they don’t have time to develop things this season because of side plots.” But they CHOSE to have those side plots in the first place. They’re filling shit in because they don’t WANT to get into the nitty gritty. We watched musical theater and cops and whatever the hell else and whatever. Fine. Sure. But it isn’t that those plots magically overtook some extra brilliant deep moments that they planned on showing with these characters to actually WITNESS their devolution, like s1 set us up to expect. They added them to fill empty space.

I GET that they become brutal. I GET that they devolve. I UNDERSTAND that from moment fucking one. The draw of the show to me is not watching them chase someone. We got that in the first scene. It’s seeing HOW they get there. What has to happen to get them to that place AND how does it impact each main character. Don’t just list the bad things for me. Show me their reasoning and their religion building and their arguing and their giving in. That’s what the real story is to me. Because we just saw them do their first ritual kill, but we didn’t see much more DEPTH to it, with these characters that we’ve now spent 18 episode getting to know, than the pilot already showed us.

1 am ramblings please forgive confusing turns of phrase or typos lol

[trans-axolotl]

for anon asking about NPD/ASPD resources

For context, anon sent in an ask searching for nonstigmatizing resources for support with PD diagnoses and other stigmatized diagnoses.

And this is such a good ask--it is so fucking frustrating and dehumanizing to try to search for support when half the stuff that pops up is using really cruel language or just directed towards family and friends. The community definitely deserves better, both when it comes to the way psych professionals perpetuate stigma and in regards to the prejudice and sanism that shows up in other communities in our lives. Unfortunately, I don't have a ton of resources on hand, although I do know one good support group. The rest of the resources I know of are kind of mediocre or not PD specific, so if other people could add on I would really, really appreciate it!

Neuromancers runs a discord and a Cluster B peer support group that I've heard really good things about. I haven't been myself, so I can't 100 % vouch, but they're a group with abolitionist and mad pride values.

This might not be exactly what you're looking for, but it's an article exploring cultural bias in PD diagnosis that links to a lot of sources that talk about how psychiatry contributes to stigma around personality disorders. I clicked through some of the studies that it links to and it does use a lot of medicalized language, but I thought I would link the article anyway in case it's ever helpful to have academic sources to show to other people.

Also not exactly what you're looking for, but another article debunking some of the common talking points about NPD in pop psychology (Content warning that it is discussing some very ableist myths in the context of challenging them)

Last sort of general resources for peer support that I have some trust that they are PD friendly are the Wildflower Alliance and Hearing Voices Network Groups. Wildflower alliance groups offer a lot of different general peer support and I have one friend with NPD who has spoken positively of those spaces. Hearing Voices Network groups can vary a lot depending on location, so defintely plan to email ahead, but I've been to a few groups that welcome people who generally identify as psych survivors/mad/ex patients who want to share community spaces around those values. Also want to share is the neurodivergent friendly workbook of DBT skills (the link is to buy it directly from the creator but if anyone who is interested can't afford it rn, dm me and I'll send you a pdf.) Again, I know this is really not super relevant to what you asked for but is one of the less stigmatizing, less medicalizing workbooks I can find for accessing info about coping skills and this is one of my general favorite support resources.

Overall I'm really sorry that I don't have better resources to offer you, and I think that really should be a sign to the mad pride/psych abolition/peer support community that we need to do a lot better job in making sure that our spaces are explicitly welcome to people with stigmatized PD diagnoses. The work shouldn't have to be on you to try to navigate these spaces and figure out whether or not you're welcome, and any spaces that offer peer support, are aligned with mad pride and psych abolition, really should be doing the work to make sure lateral violence and sanism aren't being perpetuated.

followers, esp followers with lived experience, please add on!

[drdemonprince]

You answered an ask a few days ago about “curing” unwanted autistic traits and your reply really connected the dots on something for me. There is so much neurotypical focus on eradicating unwanted traits and in addition to how abusive aba is, that focus really decreases quality of life for us by denying us opportunities to simply learn how to live happily WITH autism. for instance, you mentioned that dbt has been helpful for your emotional regulation, and I have found the same thing- dbt has vastly improved my life and I’m still autistic. It has actually allowed me to revel in and enjoy and discover autistic traits that I love, now that I’m not totally overwhelmed all the time. Key to this is the fact that I dont have an official diagnosis and thus have been given enough respect and compassion by practitioners to actually benefit. At the same time I actually prefer to use tools like dbt on my own- so i can skip over the sections about using appropriate facial expressions etc. obviously you know this and have written a lot about it but its really interesting to think about how many other tools are being geared towards neurotypical/allistic people and if only autistic people were seen as actual complex people we could benefit so much.

Thank you so much for sharing! I'm so glad you're on this path, it seems to really be working for you. I just got off a zoom call with Fern Brady (an Autistic stand up comedian from the UK for those who haven't heard of her, we were talking about her book Strong Female Character), and she shared that she has this great therapist who doesn't try to cure or treat her Autistic traits, but instead helps her game out getting her needs met in ways that don't make her more vulnerable. For instance, she really gets sensory issues from all the intense hair spray and makeup that gets put on her before a TV broadcast. Her therapist helped her practice lying and saying that she gets migraines, so that she doesn't have to tell her makeup artist that she's Autistic (the person might not even know or respect what that means anyway).

So many resources for Autistic people are targeted at training us to be more neuro-conforming or imitate neurotypical people, from social skills groups (we already have social skills) to ABA to all manner of professional and dating advice. it's refreshing to see resources that instead just empower us to do our own damn thing the best ways for us.

[woman-for-women]

So usually I wouldn’t ask for advice of this genre, but I’m genuinely worried. I think my already abusive parents are catching on that I’m a trans guy. I seriously want to detransition but it almost feels physically painful. What do I do? For context, I’m pre-op, pre basically everything. I still look like a girl and stuff.

Hi! I'm sorry you're going through this. I would consider myself dysphoric/desisted, but not truly detrans because I didn't truly socially (de)transition or medically (de)transition. I have some suggestions (adapted from one of my earlier asks on this topic), but it might be useful to talk to detransitioned women to get another perspective.

Talk to a trusted adult in your life. It could be a parent, an aunt/uncle, a teacher, or an older sibling. The adults in your life generally want the best for your health and happiness. If your parents are abusive or you are afraid to tell an adult you are trans, you can just tell them you are distressed with you body/gender roles and want help.

Contact your doctor or a local gender clinic and ask if they can point you towards detransitioning resources (if you have medically transitioned)

Search online and see if there are any detransition support groups near you (unlikely this will pan out, but it's worth a try). If you happen to know anyone who has detransitioned, you can also reach out to them.

If you are able to, please look into counseling. If you are dysphoric, you can ask for a counselor that will help you explore your discomfort with your body/gender roles and reconcile your relationship with your body. I’d avoid any therapists who advertise themselves as LGBTQIA2S+ friendly: they may be well meaning, but their primary method of treatment for dysphoria will likely be transition. Therapists and other mental health professionals tend to have bios where they list their background and what they specialize in: I'd suggest looking for a therapist who is female, and possibly someone who is comfortable gender non-conforming (someone who doesn't see being unhappy with gender roles or gender non-conforming as being the same as being trans). I went to a counselor who was an older lesbian. You can also send an email to Gender Exploratory Therapy Association (GETA) to see if they can match you with a therapist.

If you can't go to counseling, I strongly recommend this DBT Workbook (the link is to a free PDF version). Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is a way to cope with distress and improve your distress tolerance through different techniques.

You can journal how you feel. It doesn't need to be fancy (it can be a notes page on your phone or some binder paper, but if journaling with markers and stickers and washi tape helps, you can do that too). Ask yourself what made you feel like you weren't or couldn't be a woman/girl? What does the thought of detransitioning make you feel? It can just be how you feel in general. If you're comfortable, you can also share your journal with a trusted adult or counselor. Or, it can just be for your eyes only.

Work on improving your integrity and comfort with your body. It helps you feel wonderful feelings, taste your favorite foods, see beautiful things... your body is not trying to hurt you or work against you. For example, your body is not menstruating because it is "punishing" you for not being pregnant (this is something I heard a lot growing up). Menstruation is just something female bodies do. It's vital to regulating your hormonal health, bone density, and weight. While yes, you can get pregnant and be a parent if you choose to as an adult, your body is not telling you to do anything. Your bodily functions are not a mandate. You exist for you!

Try to avoid seeing your body as a problem, or as fractured parts you want to fix: your body is just your body. Don't think of your body as a decorative object you need to change to please anyone. Your body exists for you and (most importantly) your body is you. Treating your body well is part of treating yourself well.

To improve your relationship with your body, I would recommend picking a sport or physical activity. Do something you like that makes you comfortable! If wearing a swimsuit fills you with dread, wear a more modest one or don't pick swimming. It can be as simple as walking, stretching, or yoga in your room. The point of a physical activity is not just to keep in shape, but to feel how your body is capable of doing whatever you want it to. Your body doesn't have to look a certain way for that.

Your image of your body and your comfort with being female might also improve if you take a social media break. I know it can be hard, but try to commit to a short break (a week, a month). Use this time to read, listen to music, draw, relax, exercise... whatever will keep you happy and healthy. Social media is saturated with images of sexualized, objectified, and impossibly thin women. It can be stressful to feel like you don't "measure up" to what the Internet tells you a woman is supposed to be. Take this time to remind yourself that you don't need to imitate these people to be happy.

I would also recommend you unfollow any social media accounts that make you feel bad about your body or talk about transitioning and gender all the time (you can always refollow later). Focus on how you feel about your body and yourself, not what other people promote.

What or how you decide to change socially, who you tell, or how you say it is up to you. You don't need to disclose why you're detransitioning either. You can just tell people you've decided it wasn't for you or that you'd like to go by your old name/pronouns. Don't let anyone, especially other transitioned peers, pressure you into doing or revealing anything you don't want to. If you have a friend group of trans peers your age, don't let them make you feel bad! You have the right to do what's best for you. If you have friends that aren't supportive of you doing what's best for you, it might be best to look for a new friend group.

If you've been happiest dressing in "boy" clothes or doing certain "boy" activities, none of that has to change when you detransition! Detransitioning should be about accepting that your natal biological sex is female. Being female is a neutral fact, like being brunette or being 167 cm. Being female has no bearing on what you can do, who you can love, what professions, hobbies, or interests you have... that's all gender. You don't have to change how you dress, think, feel, act, talk, etc. None of these things can disqualify you from being a woman or girl. Just be yourself and know there's no wrong way to be female.

Being a woman or girl can be scary. Menstruation sucks, sexual harassment sucks, sexism sucks. But there's light at the end of the tunnel, and that's other women and girls! Reach out to them. They are your lifeline. Build friendships. There are other women and girls just like you. You are never alone.

On that note, having positive female role models and consuming books/TV shows/movies/music by and about women can help you feel better about detransitioning and reconciling with being female.

Don't discount the wisdom of older women! They're not nags, shrews, or "Karens". They're female, too. Many of them have likely felt what you feel.

Detransitioning doesn't mean you need to feel a certain type of way on gender or trans issues. Don't let radical feminists, conservatives, or trans-rights activists bully you into saying or doing what suits their narrative. It's your life, so do what's right for you!

Lastly, here are some resources I would recommend, both about transition and detransition:

A Booklet on Gender Detransition

The risks of binding

Testosterone use and pelvic health

The LGB Alliance USA also runs a virtual group for adult dysphoric women every other Wednesday

Detransition may feel painful now, but I truly think accepting my body and working hard to deal with distressing thoughts like dysphoria has improved my quality of life a lot. It will take work, but freeing yourself from the expectations of gender and treating dysphoria like any other body dysmorphia (as that can be improved over time) is a lot better in the long run than trying to obsessively tailor every aspect of your life to be gender affirming to lessen your feelings of dysphoria.

The prevailing narrative told to dysphoric and trans-identifying teens is that you need to transition, you need to go on hormones, you need to do xyz or you will die. This is not true. Most dysphoric youth who do not medically transition end up as happy, alive adults. (If you are having suicidal thoughts, please tell a trusted adult or call a hotline). So I’m going to tell you instead what I was told, and what other lesbian, gay, and bisexual kids were told growing up: it gets better, and you are going to be okay <3

[findingmypeace]

Have you considered a harm reduction approach rather than pushing for full recovery? I know it’s a bit controversial & I think you can have full recovery if you want it, but that seems intolerable for you at this stage of tx. Which isn’t a criticism & we know ambivalence is normal, but my belief is it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing choice. You discussed thinking about how your body can’t tolerate going back to bx, but truly you don’t have to go back to purging most food, no water & abusing diuretics if you aren’t eating the full meal plan & totally b/p abstinent. Maybe you just commit to not using diuretics, not purging on workdays or whatever doable minimum you can manage that allows you to work & feel functional. Whenever you can, you do more & continue to try to decrease bx over time. I’m a DBT therapist & have found that many people who struggle with abstinence from addictive behaviors really benefit from a dialectical abstinence approach. Are you familiar with that section of the book in DBT? I hope you can tell this is meant constructively & with compassion, I just think that sometimes tx centers can be rigid about what “success” is & they don’t bother to ask clients what they want out of their own life & what their limits are in recovery. I wish you well in any path

Edit: This is also an older question. I was able to halfway respond but then I got interrupted and couldn’t finish. So here it is now.

Original response: thought a lot about this over the years. I’m truly not sure what approach would work for me ie: ‘cold turkey’ vs ‘harm reduction’

Response on 2/10/2024: I started with a new therapist this week and we are going to do a harm reduction approach. I put my recovery on a spectrum of 0% (total relapse) and 100% (total recovery). I said that right now I would rank my recovery at 45%. We are aiming for 80% right now. I started meeting with my outpatient dietitian 2 weeks ago. I don’t have a meal plan but we are going to make a new one and I’m really going to make an effort to follow it.

I agree with you in that sometimes 100% recovery is too large of goal. I am so sick of having an eating disorder and at the same time full recovery seems in possible.

And DBT. I am VERY familiar with DBT. I’ve done so many DBT groups as a patient but I’ve also used it for various clients over the years. To be honest, I’ve always thought it was great for my clients but I hated it for myself. But with this last time in treatment I’ve started to see how it can be useful for me, especially in those moments of complete despair. I realized I can tweak some of the skills so it’s a better fit for myself. For example one of the skills (I think it’s in ACCEPTS) is comparison. That is not good for me so I’m going to take that out. Now it’s just a matter of implementing the skills into my life.

Anyway, thank you for this ask. It was thought provoking and I appreciate that.

[granulesofsand]

Demon Eyes (littlie rebellion)

This is one of our littlies, caught between programs. I’m gonna annotate it so we can see how many run in the background for every alter.

I’ve never been away from home (only the trained ones call that house their home) like this, living separate from my family (heavy on first person pronouns, separates alters from the system) (meant ‘family’ as a positive). I feel guilty for enjoying it (not allowed to use verbs without the ‘I feel’ , got worse after DBT) (shame flashbacks, humiliation over moral guilt). It’s nothing like what I would do for my space, but it’s somehow still so perfect.

There are stars on the ceiling, glowing and arranged, probably constellations. I used to have this above my bed before we moved (younger than 7 we lived immersed in the group), just scattered on the side of the overhang.

My sheet is gone, replaced with a throw like fur. The top quilt is weighted. The pillow is the same texture as the one Nana (long dead matriarch) had, but it’s green and tube shaped.

There’s so much room. I guess my bedroom had more, but I was only allowed on the bed or in the closet (kept in a locked room with two closets, one for a person, trained not to leave the blanket unless she was being punished). There are chairs and a desk, and nobody yells at me if I pace around (she was told the toys reported on her, but people could probably hear her footsteps from downstairs). The stuffies here don’t tell on me.

I was scared of the glowing eyes (demon eyes, circles of light on the ceiling or pinpricks in dark openings) up in the corner, but it’s a projection from the charger on the desk. I wonder if that’s how they did it at home, too.

I’m not supposed to talk bad (loyalty don’t-tell training) about my parents. They own me, and I owe them (epsilon program, dog type) my life. Talking about them behind their backs is the same as talking bad. I keep checking around to see if the demon boy (her internal reporter, whose eyes she was told made the light) is around to inform them. I’ll be punished for thinking it (the boy might hear her thoughts, but his reporting helped their mind-reader shtick) anyway.

I’m going to do it. I don’t believe the men who say no one will tell. It’s gathering information, so I can investigate them like they’re doing to me. It’s not a lie (she thinks she’ll be interrogated, more when than if with her reporter), and I’m supposed to watch out for suspicious activity (it mimics the airport announcement, so maybe they had her fly to customers). It really is part of my job.

And she’s gone.

I did take out a bit that was too revealing, but it was mostly one big chunk. She won’t be in trouble with her demon, he’s been redirected, and the piece I cut was a good step if not for the internet. It’s a long effort, and it’ll help the other littlies to see the growing crowd of healing kids.

She took that effort herself, used to be a sneaky writer. Her stories were carved into pencils and scrawled in tiny print on sticky notes. Her name is the same as one of her stuffies, so we’ll nudge her to pick a new one. She’s got a gleam to her yet, and small sparks start wildfires.

[irregularbillcipher]

going through my old childhood bedroom and cleaning things out and i find my old DBT worksheets from when i was a teen in group therapy and on the back of one about mindfulness i find a doodle i did of bill cipher. i can’t even make a joke about this it writes itself. jesus christ

[bbygirl-obi]

Hello, I just wanted to say I appreciate your detailed and thoughtful response to my reply. I do think I accidentally fell into an ongoing discourse I'm not really familiar with so I'm taking responsibility for that miscommunication/misunderstanding on my part. I in no way ever meant to imply, nor do I believe, that the genocide on the Jedi is anything other than a tragedy. Even if people have faults that never justifies violence. I'm very sorry that was not clear. I don't identify as an anti and I am chill with the Jedi. Lots of things you wrote about are reasons I like the Jedi and SW in general.

Since it seems I've caused harm I don't really see value in me trying to "defend" where I was coming from but I might be wrong, I'm not sure. The interpersonal relationship section of DBT has always been the hardest for me to grasp and I think that's really showing right now. So, sincere apologies again for my miscommunication.

(This ask is in reference to this post)

Hi, thank you so much for reaching out! I was a bit heated when writing that response, so kudos to you for not getting defensive and for hearing me out. I do really appreciate it. I'd love to help you understand a bit more why this hit me so hard, especially since this was unintentional on your part. There are three things that I think are important to understand here. I'll talk about them below.

1. There's kind of always been a worrying amount of racism, sexism, and anti-Semitism that's baked into big parts of the Star Wars fandom. It's unfortunate, but it's there. Many of the women and/or PoC characters/actors have experienced awful slews of online hate throughout the course of the franchise, specifically for being women and/or PoC. Ahsoka, Reva, Rey, Finn, Rose... the list goes on and on. There are also communities of fascists or incels who use the Empire as inspiration porn. These groups do not make up the entirety of this fandom, but they are a very loud part of it. AND their influence extends beyond their circles into the rest of the fandom, in the form of things that other people with privilege do not always register as bigotry.

2. Star Wars is unfortunately one of those fandoms where a lot of the discourse tends to step on the toes of real-life cultures. As I mentioned, the Jedi are based heavily off of Buddhist culture (George Lucas has been very explicit about this), and the targeted genocide is very similar to the real world's Holocaust. The rise of the Empire is pretty directly based off of the rise of Nazi Germany, to the point of the Empire's aesthetic being based off of the Nazis and Palpatine's rise to power directly paralleling Hitler's. Because the real-life connections are both significant and explicit, Star Wars intersects with the real world a lot more than other fictional or sci fi franchises do. There's a greater burden on members of fandom to investigate things before speaking on them as a result.

3. There are a lot of fandom misconceptions about the Jedi, including that they stole children, that they erased cultures, and that they were emotional, unfeeling people with no relationships. There are also a lot of sentiments that the Jedi were at fault for, or deserved, what happened to them (either because it was "balance" or because they created the man who genocided them). Some people arrive at these conclusions because of the racism mentioned in #1 intersecting with the non-white cultural influences mentioned in #2. Some people arrive at these conclusions because they see it elsewhere in fandom (from group #1), and don't recognize the dogwhistles because they aren't familiar with the cultures being trodden upon.

So when someone says the kinds of things you said in your post:

Jedi children are "stolen from their homes and raised devoid of their culture and families"

All Jedi initiation "traumatizes their subjects"

"Attachments are human relationships and…are integral to mental health"

All Jedi "have absolutely nowhere to turn to for comfort"

"The Jedi order is more akin to a cult"

The Jedi "sterilize" and "manipulate" DBT and force their practices upon their members as "the one true way to live"

The Jedi are "about eradicating big emotions"

Their "goal [is] indoctrinating the children they stole"

"Anakin is the direct product of their failure"

Sure, the first thing that jumps out is the misinformation. But since almost everything you're critiquing about the Jedi is something that also exists in Buddhism, you are simultaneously deriding Buddhism as something that is detrimental to mental health, that provides no support network to anyone, that is sterile and emotionless, and that is a form of indoctrination.

The paternalistic idea that Buddhists were victims of backwards, harmful cults, and needed to be "saved" from their own culture by white people, is both old and insidious. These are things that have been said about Buddhism with the intention of painting it as stupid and even harmful, so that white people could justify oppressing both Buddhism as a religion and the PoC cultures who originated and practiced it. This is still used today as a justifier for modern-day forms of racism, but it's also been used for centuries as a justification for the colonization of entire countries.

I've discussed the genocide aspect in my other post, but I'll just reiterate that the sentiment "the Jedi are not to blame for their genocide" cannot coexist with the sentiment "Anakin, the perpetrator of said genocide, is the direct product of the Jedi." The idea from your tags that the Jedi "killed" Anakin is also a tricky one, since the idea that Anakin's death was Vader's creation is a popular fandom trope turned canon with the "you didn't kill Anakin Skywalker, I did" line in the Obi-Wan Kenobi series, and to say the Jedi killed Anakin is therefore to say the Jedi created Vader, their genocider.

I guess part of me also wonders why, even if it is true (I think it isn't, but people can and do disagree), it's relevant to bring up under the type of post I made. Take the example of a school shooting. People have died, children have died, a member of their community has betrayed them, and the community is hurt and grieving. Let's say someone makes a post celebrating the community, celebrating how kind and supportive they are to one another. And let's say someone decides to comment below that post saying that the other kids in the school were mean to the shooter. Even if it were true, I hope this example helps illustrate how (1) it comes across as excusing the shooter's actions, and how (2) that sentiment is just so incredibly tone-deaf and victim-blamey. That's kind of how it feels to have someone comment these misinformed things (of racist origin, even if they are not of conscious racist intent) below a post that I made celebrating the practices of a culture that was genocided. It's neither the time nor the place.

And remember what I said in point #3, about how people arrive at these conclusions one of two ways? When I read stuff like this, it's really hard to tell which of the two groups a person falls into. It's hard to tell if the coded racism is simply going unnoticed, or if it's there intentionally. But it's there, regardless. And in my experience, the hidden or unintentional racism can be the most dangerous, because people will often get defensive and gaslight the hell out of you when you try to call it out. Thanks for not doing that, but you're unfortunately the minority.

So when people say these things, I usually have to assume that they are not a safe person. Because like I said: Whether or not the racism was deliberate, it was still there. You might have not originated these ideas, but you were willing to accept them without investigating further, to adopt them as your own, and to spread them further online. I think there's something to unpack there for you. Some great next steps would include doing research into the following topics:

The nuclear family and how it ties to white supremacy and homophobia (this gives context for the institutional aversion to the Jedi's form of community; you can find an article by a Black man about this here)

The American Jewish Committee's resources on identifying subtle or hidden forms of anti-Semitism (this gives context to how seemingly innocuous statements can have very problematic histories; you can find it here)

The phenomenon of "Holocaust Distortion" (a real-life example of how harmful it is to distort facts to place greater blame on the victims of genocide; you can find an article from the Holocaust Remembrance Alliance about it here)

The history of Buddhist groups suffering religious persecution (this gives context for ways in which the religion has been deliberately misrepresented for the purpose of harming Buddhists; Wikipedia is a great place to start, here's an introductory link)

The colonization and oppression of countries with large Buddhist populations (this gives context for the global racism I mentioned; look into the countries of Japan, Cambodia, China, India, Vietnam, etc.)

Though there can also be room for excitement, not just depressing homework, because it seems there's a lot of great stuff about the Jedi (and Buddhism) that you didn't know about, and now you get to learn all about it!

[theredtours]

Hi, I have a question, point me elsewhere if you’ve answered it :) but how do people like Steve and hiloy get access to these songs, and how are they legally allowed to have them? How was anyone able to sell Taylor’s unreleased music? I would guess they have no legal right to that and that Taylor would be able to use her resources to stop it (again in a legal sense). How does that work?

Oof, this is gonna be another long answer, just as fair warning:

So the way that I know Steve got a hold of songs was a little different than everyone else these days, because he was sort of the "founder," if you will, of the Swift unreleased world. He had connections to a lot of people in the industry, and started collecting back in either '07 or '08, right when she was really gaining traction, before the release of Fearless. He was able to get his hands on several old demo CDs, and then started a resource site known as Dark Blue Tennessee, or DBT.

This was before my time, so the info I have is a little shaky at best, but apparently that site started a bunch of drama because he started giving songs away to his trusted companions, and then made a big stink when the songs started leaking and took down DBT. A couple years later, he came back with a new site, Taylor's Inner Circle, or The IC. This one hosted descriptions of all his collection, as well as songs that were registered under Swift's name but hadn't fallen into his possession yet. The IC was up when I first got into the trading world, so I have vivid recollection of checking it almost weekly to see if there were new updates. It was also kind of a sore spot in the fandom, because despite its being a useful resource, a lot of people felt that it was more of a "bragging rights" situation, as anyone involved in the site would hype up a song to the nth degree and then chastise you for even ASKING about the POSSIBILITY of buying/trading for it.

I'm skipping a lot to try to keep this short (and also because it's been over a decade of nonsense so it's kind of hard to keep track of it all), but The IC was up and running until 2020, when Steve leaked info that hinted at Swift making new music, specifically, giving the description of a cardigan as a nod to the song with the same name. Shortly thereafter, we all kind of assume he got caught by Swift's team, because The IC was taken down, and no one has seen hide nor hair of him since.

On the subject of legality--none of this is legal. Unless you have a physical copy of the demo CD, you should not be in possession of any unreleased songs. Period. And even then, you're not supposed to share them. Any sale or distribution is actually incredibly risky. It's just that at this point in time, it's been going on for so long, it's really hard for companies to mitigate or shut down the activity, especially when a lot of it happens in places that aren't necessarily publicly accessible (like through email or physical hard drive sharing). It does happen though, as you can see if you take the time to read through the group buy drama I posted about.

Basically, you get unreleased songs either from an old demo CD, through hacking, or through knowing someone, and it's quite illegal, but there's not much that can be done once it hits the public domain. All they can do afterward is play clean-up.