#fucking around with her pronouns a little bit in the wip

[gay-otlc]

Tiergan might not be a man but she is still very much a Dad. Her dad vibes transcend gender.

[k-atsukibakugou]

you're finally being introduced to your girlfriend's friends, invited to a last minute party, any confidence melting from you when you see another girl clinging to her arm. ────no quirks

pairing: gender bend/masc lesbian bakugou x f!reader w/c: 6.7k (i need to be put down) warning/s: fauxcest (bakugou referred to as your step sister/sister), dubcon, bakugou is TOXIC, feminine/girly reader (she/her pronouns; wearing makeup; nails + a dress; long hair/out/on her face), reader referred to as a puppy (degradingly not petplay lmao), pet names (pretty + baby), emotional manipulation, cheating (on reader, implied to be with ochako but not overtly), alcohol + weed mention, reader a lillll bit of a crybaby, public/car sex, oral (r! receiving) notes: i have so many feelings about masc lesbian bkg *head in hands* um this is the most self indulgent thing i've ever written so this is my entry to @mechamedusa's self indulgence collab bc i really didn't need to make bakugou a lesbian on a power trip who treats you like a pet but who's going to stop me? NO ONE inspirations/acknowledgements: frat party playlist ; like a girl does ; soaked ; one of your girls + 10sim's art & @0301995 for always enabling me lmao

crossposted to ao3 • masterlist • wip updates & voting • kofi • askbox

fidgeting with your phone, you check the address once again, about the fourth time since you'd left home, the thumping bass worming its way through the walls to the courtyard enough to confirm it was the same party your girlfriend texted you to meet her at, reassured again seeing a group of boys crowding around something, loud whooping and cheering echoing when the tall redhead at the centre of the huddle landed the small ping pong ball in the final cup across the tabletop, the victor soaking in the cheers of his friends like he was an athlete in front of a stadium filled with screaming fans. with sweaty palms, you slid your phone away, your text to katsuki still reading delivered beneath it.

your fingers don't stay still for long, falling to the hem of your new dress, the one katsuki told you to wear when she'd sent you an invite. the hem sat at your mid-thigh, a little shorter than you usually went for, the long sleeves doing little to warm you from the cool night air, the lack of coverage everywhere else making you shiver while you made your way up to the front door.

checking your phone again, seeking the familiar sound of katsuki's text tone to soothe your nerves, your eyebrows pinched together in a small frown; the screen was still free of notifications, no reply from katsuki since she'd sent you the address hours earlier. with a soft sigh, you tucked it back away, pushing the door open. the music amplified tenfold when you stepped over the threshold, the beat making the ground beneath your feet vibrate and the walls shake, the vocals hardly legible over the sounds of speakers buzzing. tentatively, you closed the door behind you, taking a step toward the heart of the music, searching each room you walked past for the familiar blonde hair, finally spotting the spikes in the den towards the back of the large share house. your heart skips a beat in your chest at the sight of her seated on an outdated, soft dark green couch tucked in the far corner, her cropped shirt riding up on her abdomen when she leaned back, the white band of her bra poking out of the bottom, her legs lazily falling open, knocking knees with the black-haired boy beside her, her other knee nearly taking out the blond seated in front of her, his legs crossed on the floor, cradling a colourful glass bong between his thighs, the boy poking her thigh with a bright yellow lighter, not interrupting his conversation with a brunette girl just to tell your girlfriend to fuck off. an excited smile split across your face seeing her, wasting no more time, you excused yourself through the crowd separating you and your girlfriend, her eyes glinting predatorily in the low light of the lamp when they met yours.

katsuki looks you up and down, a pleased smile on her lips seeing your dress, dark eyes flick back up to your face, drinking you in. she thinks you look like a nervous puppy like this, obedient, bright, excitable but apprehensive, waiting for the order to speak, girl.

you raised your arm higher to wave to her, your anxiety melting away every second longer she looked at you, more teeth on display the closer you got to her. your movements caught the attention of the two boys with her, lazy, half-lidded eyes looking you up and down as you squeezed past the final person keeping you from your lover, the blond boy the first to speak, tilting his chin up without looking away from you, "this your newest fling, baku?"

your smile falters, your heart beating unevenly against your ribcage at the analytical look coming from the black-haired boy, hadn't she told them? she invited you to introduce yourself, didn't she? katsuki's expression hadn't changed from her minute smirk, no sign of the confusion you're sure is written all over your face, the only change being a lasting glance toward the girls the blond boy passed his bong to. brown and yellow eyes alike roam your features, everything about you is exactly katsuki's type, especially the cute, naive smile on your sparkly, glossy lips.

"huh? her?" she has a bored look on her face, vermillion eyes lazily falling from your face to inspect her chipped black nails while her friends dissected you, heavy gazes watching you fidget with the sleeve of your dress. her tone didn't leave much room for you to laugh it off, to introduce yourself properly, to smack her shoulder and whine that her joke wasn't funny.

your mouth goes dry hearing her suck her teeth, her head rolling on her shoulders like this interaction was exhausting her, languidly raising her hand to gesture to the dark-haired boy, then dropping to the blond, "sero, kaminari, meet my stepsister."

your blood rushes in your ears, drowning out her introduction, surely you misheard her?

"the old woman said i had to make her feel 'part of the family'." slender fingers make quotes in the air, her dark eyes flashing with something you couldn't place, almost amusement when they meet yours again. the blond, introduced as kaminari, climbs up off the ground, untangling his lanky limbs, arms stretching high above his head, chin at his shoulder while he cracks his neck, "so we gotta play nice?" he joked.

as if looking for guidance, or permission, you glance at katsuki, her chest rising and falling steadily, her heartbeat even under her skin a stark opposite to your deranged pulse. pulled from your thoughts by a shoulder bumping against your own playfully, kaminari held your trembling hand in his, "then we better get you a welcome drink!"

with his hold on your hand, you were whisked away before you could get another word in, stumbling through the path cleared by kaminari, dragging you hot on his heels toward the kitchen. steadying yourself, you spare a look back over your shoulder to stare back at your girlfriend, confusion and embarrassment painting your expression. a wave of anxiety washes over you, uncertainty twisting in your stomach, what did she want you to do? she didn't tell her friends she was kidding, and you were unwilling to disagree with her alone with kaminari, what if her friends just laugh off your claim?

maybe they were all high and they'd forget about it all by the next time you saw them. it was a bad joke, yes, but you'd get to try again another time.

your attention snaps back to the boys ahead of you, sero bringing you back down to earth with an arm plopped over your shoulders, boyish charm oozing from him, "what do you drink, gorgeous? you don't look like a cheap beer kinda girl."

your tense shoulders relaxed ever-so-slightly at his playful teasing, manicured fingers still fussing with your sleeves while you scanned the countertop littered with liquor and premix cans, spotting a bottle of confidence-boosting clear liquid, "vodka with raspberry soda? that's what i normally have."

your voice isn't as timid as you expected when you speak, your tone even, curious, albeit soft compared to the boisterous pair. your face warms when sero salutes you, a smile creeping its way back to your lips; he grabs a cup from the top of the stack in the centre of the counter, quickly mixes your requested drink, offering it to you after swirling it under his nose, muttering about its "bouquet".

his playfulness makes you giggle, finding easy comfort with him and kaminari.

"so you're bakugou's sister?" you choke on the chilled drink, body alight with embarrassment again, you'd nearly forgotten what katsuki had said, your gaze drops to the floor when you clear your throat. stiffly, you nodded, glancing over the rim of the cup to katsuki across the room, butterflies erupting in your twisted stomach when she winked at you. you really didn't want to make it awkward, claim you'd been dating her three months, you didn't want to see her upset with you, to storm out with you asking why you'd disagree with her, why you'd embarrass her in front of her friends. looking back at the pair, you nodded again, more certain, compelled to agree with katsuki.

"step, yeah, it's a boring story, though, i promise there's not a lot to say." you laugh, gulping down the last of your drink, wetting your dry mouth before changing the topic, wanting nothing more than to forget the spike of anxiety from katsuki's introduction, "what about you guys? how'd you three meet?"

falling back into the ease and comfort of chattering with them, you listened to sero and kaminari telling you all about their meeting in high school, stories of how crass she used to be, how smart she was, how they saved a room here for her after their first year in the share house, katsuki usurping kirishima's bed after many bar crawls; the image of your drunk, grumpy girlfriend kicking out the muscular six-foot-something guy had you in fits of laughter. apprehension melted from you the more you drank and laughed with the pair, your cheeks warm and aching after being with them for only fifteen minutes, your fingers almost permanently digging into kaminari's shirt to support you between giggles.

even with tears of joy in your eyes, you couldn't resist twisting around to check on katsuki, every atom in your body wanting her to join you, to wrap her arms around your hips and show you off, craving the way she'd toy with the hem of your dress, even wishing she would pinch at the soft skin of your thighs just to feel you squirm in her arms. instead when you spun around, the first thing you saw was the brunette girl, perched on the arm of the couch closest to katsuki, her pink-haired friend taking another hit from denki's bong beside them, oblivious to her friend leaning in front of your girlfriend to point at the newest piercing in her ear, her legs draped over katsuki's lap, even her slender fingers wrapping around the brunette's ankle to keep her steady. your eyes were glued to the couple, a morbid curiosity refusing to let you even blink while katsuki's cherry eyes idly traversed her body, her dress shorter and tighter than your own, your girlfriend's gaze was trained on her plush thighs, squishing together when she adjusted herself to tip closer again, blurred pink lips brushing against your girlfriend's earlobe as she spoke.

"you alright?" kaminari asks, you're slow to tear your eyes off katsuki, finally facing your new friends again with what you hope is a composed expression, "sorry?"

the boys snickered at the pitiful look on your face, your eyes almost cartoony with how big and sad they looked, "you look like a kicked puppy."

"c'mon, i'll get jirou to play untouched, you'll feel better." again, denki was tugging on your wrist, leaving you stumbling along behind hanta's confident navigation, the pair of them clearing a path ahead of you for you to stumble through. tripping over your own leg, you caught yourself with a hand at the back of denki's bicep, giggling at your sluggish clumsiness, your quick movements quickly making you realise how tipsy you really were, forgetting your worries about katsuki the longer you drank, laughed and danced with them, hanta returning just in time to pass you another icy cup, pulling you closer to dance.

"i love this song!" shouting far louder than necessary, hanta laughed with you, singing the lyrics along with you.

naturally, with your eyes half-closed in a smile, you scanned the crowds again for katsuki, your eyes automatically locking to the couch, your heartbeat spiking when you realised she'd moved, your slow eyes zeroing in on her in the next room by the time the next song had ended. she was lounging on the carpeted floor beside the same brunette girl as earlier, swirling a non-alcoholic beer around in her hand while the girl spoke animatedly. even as denki squeezed closer to you, his chest to your back while he danced, you studied your girlfriend, the edges of her body blurred, not missing the way her eyes raked over the girl's body, resting far too long on the low neckline while other people gathered in a circle around them; your attention piqued when the girl leaned over katsuki, taking the bottle from her grip and downing the remnants of the drink before placing it on the floor in front of the blonde.

hanta spun you around, his chest now to your back, his hands resting high on your hips, pulling your body in rhythm to the music blaring through the speakers scattered around, glancing up at him, you flashed a small smile, certain it was lopsided this far into the night.

"what are they doin' in there?"

"huh?"

blinking slowly, all your movements outside of his hold in slow motion, you peered back over your shoulder to stare at katsuki again, catching her staring back at you with a wicked glint in her eye before she turned her hungry gaze on the brunette crawling over her, leaning back on one hand with an arrogant air around her, the other snaking around the girls neck to drag her into a deep kiss, the pretty girl melting into it the moment their lips met.

squeaking, you snap your head back around, your embarrassment apparent on your face when you face denki again, his curious yellow eyes trained on your mouth open in shock. the wolf-whistling in the adjacent room catching his attention, his lips tugging up into a smirk, "don't tell me you wanna play that."

hanta chuckles, bloodshot eyes shining with a mix of curiosity and judgement, what kind of step-sister were you to want to join their game, and where could he find one?

laughing nervously, you shake your head, mumbling something that has denki leaning closer, his pierced ear coming in line with your mouth, "say again?"

"i wasn't expecting to see that…" you repeat as loud as you can muster, suddenly shy once more, denki's eyebrows furrow until he looks back over again, watching the same thing you had, your girlfriend and the other girl he recognised as katsuki's ex from high school, kneeling beside her, a delicate hand tangled in blonde spikes, the other squeezing, pawing at katsuki's hip, travelling down the outside of her thigh while their lips were locked together in a kiss far more sensual than ever necessary in a game of spin the bottle.

dazed, you couldn't speak, couldn't tear your eyes away, watching the shadows cast from eyelashes stretch across katsuki's high cheekbones, edges of her lips tugging into a smile in the kiss, even as your eyes blurred at the edges. unsure if it was the alcohol or tears, you shook your head in an attempt to clear your thoughts, to ground yourself again by focusing on hanta's hold on your hips and denki's soft shirt under your fingertips, too drunk to think straight, too drunk to think of anything but her.

inhibitions clouded, you gulp down whatever is left in your cup. determined to have a good night with katsuki, you spin back on your heel, stupidly excusing yourself to go make another drink. upside down on the sink you spot a shot glass, emblazoned with the logo of some random city you'd never been to, deciding it was good enough to pour vodka in, holding it in your hand while you scan the counter for the bottle, only finding dregs left in countless clear bottles. about to take a wobbly step back to the dancefloor, you were stopped in your tracks when you were face to face with your girlfriend again. well, your face to her back.

your throat closes seeing her on the stairs, stunned into silence watching her heavy black boots climb higher and higher up, the brunette already around the corner, all you could see of her were her fingers sliding through katsuki's belt loops, the belt hanging uselessly either side of her hands while she dragged your girlfriend closer. blinking dumbly, you catch one last glimpse of katsuki before she eagerly submits to the girl pulling her along, her frame disappearing behind the wall, and you even think you can hear a door slam and lock above you over the sound of the music.

stunned, you stand still, stuck in the same spot by the cluttered counter, staring at the landing at the top of the stairs katsuki had just disappeared behind, questioning yourself if that's even what you just saw, trying to convince yourself it wasn't, mentally counting the amount of vodka raspberries you'd had. before you could fall too far into your delusion, denki manifests beside you again, snatching a packet of chips tucked away at the top of the cupboard closest to you, "lookin' for your sister?"

your eyes are slow, your head turned toward him entirely before your eyes caught up, meeting his citrine irises, a polite smile pulling at the corners of your mouth, the rest of your smile tight. just as quickly as denki appeared, hanta did, slotting himself beside you, slinging his arm over your shoulder to offer you his cup. you eagerly accepted, taking it in two hands, finishing whatever mix of liquor was in it in one gulp.

"yeah, what's with the sad puppy dog eyes? we're not enough fun for you?" sero jokes, squeezing you closer, your face burning his skin through the fabric on his shoulder, their teasing, the alcohol and your anxiety making your face only grow warmer. you tried your hardest to laugh off their joking, to play into it, your mind clouded by the look on katsuki's face when she told her friends you were her sister, the look on her face when she watched you dance, the look she had kissing another girl, the look on her face being dragged up the stairs.

even after shaking your head, trying to jostle the invasive memories, all you could see was her face staring up from between the pretty brunette's thighs, red eyes sparkling in the moonlight cascading in through a window, dishevelled but still smug.

you're not quite sure how long has passed since you were dragged over to the couch, your eyes flicking back and forth between hanta, denki and the bottom of the staircase, occasionally distracted by their banter and body heat, your eyes drawn back to the flashing screen each time your shoulders and thighs bumped with theirs. they don't keep your attention for long, every sign of movement having your eyes snapping back to the staircase, hoping every hint of blonde was her. stuck in a loop, their jeering and impish jabs dragging your attention back to the screen long enough to see the blood red fatality light up the TV before you were again checking over your shoulder for katsuki, losing every match against one of your newfound friends before they grew bored of watching your character idle; denki whining nearly immediately when hanta takes the controller from your hands, "that's so unfair, han, i had more to smoke than you did."

with the two bickering like siblings, you gave into your compulsion once more, looking through your hair to the bottom of the stairs before watching the pairs rematch; doing a double take when at last, you spot katsuki sauntering down the wooden stairs.

her spiky hair was mussed, a tuft gathering at the centre as she pushed it off her face, her lips glittering under the lights with a sparkly pink gloss that you knew wasn't her own, the tip of her tongue smearing golden flecks over her bottom lip as her slender fingers hooked through her now empty belt loops, bringing your attention down to her dishevelled shirt and band of her boxers poking out of the top of her baggy pants. without even a second glance behind her for the brunette girl, katsuki beelines for your trio, the hem of her pants hanging over her shoes only adding to her self-assured aura, nothing like your own perfect outfit, meant to impress katsuki and her friends, emphasise your assets, now crumpled between two sets of thighs.

reaching your group, katsuki drops onto the couch beside denki, her legs taking up far more space than necessary as she squeezed between him and the arm, scarlet eyes shining as you squished further between the two, your arms pushing against your chest and pillowy thighs pressing closer together with the space getting smaller. sheepishly, you spare a glance at your girlfriend, her eyes glimmering with a strange look you can't place your finger on as you shift again, your hem rising further up your thighs the more you adjust your position, timid again around her as she lounged back on the couch, draping her arm around denki to brush her fingertips along the nape of your neck behind him.

as quickly as she touched you, you jumped forward, your cheeks burning hearing hanta's wolf whistling, busying yourself with pouring yourself one more drink, something to busy your hands as the pair began interrogating katsuki about what happened upstairs.

katsuki doesn't respond with a single word, her dishevelment, glossy smirk, and a picture she flashes them enough of an answer; her phone screen dimly displaying the cute girl she had gone upstairs with, now with her brown bob messily strewn over the pillow she laid on, fringe sticking to her forehead when she smiled up at the camera, holding up two fingers as she posed with her the top of her dress buttoned up unevenly.

you want to look closer, a morbid curiosity washing over you, simultaneously wishing katsuki would answer every question hanta and denki threw her way and wishing she had never even invited you to this party, never met her friends, never seen the look in her eyes as the girl tugged her upstairs. never met her.

you're standing before you even register your movements, stumbling a little on your feet as you stand, only just managing to steady yourself before spilling any of your drink. three pairs of eyes are trained on you, all of them curious, intrigued, denki is the only one to cringe away from you, worried you might vomit where you stood. gingerly, you spun back around to face the group, a shock of adrenaline sobering you when your glassy eyes locked on katsuki's mischievous ones.

"you wanna go, or somethin'?" her voice was rough, deep like it was when she spoke half asleep in the mornings at your place, shrouded in dim morning light with your fingers tangling in the shorter hair at the nape of her neck. again, you grew quiet, a heat swirling inside your stomach that didn't match the jealous upset circling your head.

your tinted lips part, but your wobbly voice stays stuck in your throat; looking back down to the dark timber floor, you nodded, glancing up at her through your eyelashes to see her bidding goodbye to the pair beside her with a boyish handshake and a slap on her back. coming to stand beside you, katsuki gestures towards her friends, an ash blonde eyebrow quirked in a silent command, speak, girl, only moving down the hallway for you to follow out when you mumble a quick goodbye, their names nearly running into one, "'snicemettingyou."

katsuki walks ahead, each confident step thumping against the flooring, her hands tucked deep into her pockets to search for her keys; you wanted desperately to reach for her hand, to loop your arm through hers and walk beside her instead of trailing behind her with wide eyes and a trembling lip. your need for her only grew as you stepped outside, the night air far cooler than the humidity, the air growing stale from too many cigs, vapes and bongs littered around the house.

"you need to stop poutin', baby." your heart swells at the pet name, desperate for a hint of affection after being denied the whole night. she's just a blurry figure ahead of you when you glance at her through your eyelashes, slowly beginning to clump together with unshed drunken tears stuck in your lash line. katsuki observes you over her shoulder, studying the way you wring your hands together, how your dress slowly rides up your thigh with every step, and how hard you're trying to blink your tears away, she especially pays attention to the way you wobble on your feet, tripping over a stray pebble at the edge of the pathway.

the blonde steadies you with a warm hand at your wrist, gently guiding you the rest of the way to her car, parked in her usual spot. finally, alone together again, katsuki was back to being the perfect girlfriend, keeping her hand firm at the small of your back, opening the back door to her car for you as the first tear broke free, sliding down your cheek, holding out her other hand to you to pull yourself into the backseat.

your eyes easily focus on your girlfriend still standing outside the car, the courtyard a mix of blurry colours and shapes, but her image clearer than ever, the shock of cold air and your tears making you feel far soberer than you did when you'd started playing video games with your newfound friends; you looked her up and down, sniffling a little when you locked eyes with her again, the dark of her pupil staring intently at you while she gets herself comfortable slotted between your legs still dangling out of her car.

you're even more focused on the scent of her pistachio caramel shampoo in the car, sucking in a deep breath of the night air to clear your mind when her hand settles at your thigh, the very tips of her painted fingers crawling under the hem of your dress. you're unsure if it's her touch or the weight of her gaze making you squirm, her fingers twitching on your plush thighs just to analyse your reaction, like you were a specimen, like she was dissecting through your brain tissue to read your thoughts.

they'd be boring, you think, everything was just an echo of her.

your bleary eyes dropped back down to your wringing hands, only watching katsuki from the corner of your eye, she looked… soft in the blurry corner of your eye, all unclear, soft planes, like you were looking at her through an unfocused camera, instead of her typical jagged, harsh spikes, even her eyes looked nearly adoring.

"what are you doin', baby? what're my friends gonna think if you keep gettin' jealous over me like that, huh?" her fingertips are so soft underneath your ear when she cradles your jaw, tracing gentle shapes while she reprimands you. her voice dropped lower, inching closer to you hidden in the dark, her mouth only a breath away from yours, pink lips could easily brush against yours if she just dipped her head, "you gotta behave around them, pretty, or they're gonna think you're some kinda pervert… you want that?"

you shake your head rapidly, your mouth opening to defend yourself, to tell her you wanted her friends to like you, you liked hanging out with them, your throat too tight to get anything more than a whine out, "oh, baby, it's alright, i know."

your chest blossoms with heat, your stomach burning like a heath set alight by her matchstick words, a single fat tear falling from your eyes to roll down your cheek, running down your neck until it was joined by another. katsuki catches your tears as they roll down your face, slowly swiping a thumb over your bottom lip, sucking her own between her teeth before closing the distance between you.

her lips pressed to yours felt euphoric, the feeling of her tongue licking the remaining salty, raspberry taste from your lips as close as you thought you'd get to heaven. katsuki deepens the kiss, parting your lips with her own, her hand on your jaw keeping you hard against her while her tongue slides against yours. the kisses between the two of you are always messy, charged, full of hot, wandering hands, sharp teeth, her raspberry-sweet tongue and a foreign-tasting lip gloss tacking your bottom lip to your chin.

you sigh into the kiss, a whiny, needy sound that you never made until her, your eyelashes tickling her face when you press your lips harder to hers, pouring every ounce of your love and affection into her through your connected lips. a perfect, manicured hand travelled up her chest to tangle in the blonde spikes at the base of her neck, an apprehensive tug at her hair tilted katsuki's head back, your kiss deepening with the practised movements; always starting slow and sensual before devolving into a mess of neediness, swollen lips, sharp teeth and insatiable tongues.

"you're the one i take home, though, aren't you?" katsuki rests her forehead against yours, her breath mixing with your heaving gasps, her deep garnet eyes flicking back and forth between your own, blown pupils staring back at her. adoration bloomed in your chest at her confession, nodding your head as much as you could against hers pressing hard to your own. you paw at the collar of her shirt, intoxicated by her proximity; her figure clouding your thoughts, the image of her towering over a brunette, smiling up at your girlfriend as you did, katsuki's hungry eyes devouring her when her head falls back and her spine arches, the girl's hands digging into the same spot on her abdomen you clung to when you came, their lips wet with each other's affection. glancing down to katsuki's clenched fist at your hip, gathering the fabric higher and higher, you cleared your mind of the girl, you were the one in her car, going home with her, you were the one katsuki was comforting, the one she'd take home and cook for, she'd have probably offered to wash your hair for you if you'd cried any longer.

"you want me?" she asks, revelling in the way you vigorously nod, 'want' nowhere near what you felt anymore, only increasingly more pathetically needy for her.

"do you want me?" you repeat her question between heaving breaths, a sweet sigh escaping you again when katsuki's lips find their place under your jaw, kissing, licking and nipping at the sensitive skin until your ankles cross behind her back and your head falls backwards with a whine. her grin is like saccharine against your skin, slender fingers topped with chipped polish trace the crease of your thigh, only pausing when she feels the heat at the peak of your thighs, "you need me to show you, pretty?"

her forefinger follows the seam down the centre of your panties, huffing out a laugh when your hips buck at her touch, your free hand finding hers under your skirt, manicured fingers gripping her wrist to guide her to your puffy clit, "huh? this is what got you so desperate?"

you don't answer her, can't answer her, your hips bucking off the cloth seats into her touch, scratching at her scalp with your nails, hoping the gentle bite of your manicure at her skin is enough to tell her you need her, need this, the comfort of her touch, her lips, her tongue, whatever it was she usually did when she made you forget how cold she was, to remind you how your heart raced beneath her.

"let me give you what you need," you're not certain you hear her entirely, the blood rushing in your ears drowning out her low voice when she drops down to one knee on the pavement outside her car, her hair looking nearly black in the dimness of the night when she disappears under your skirt; although you're certain you hear a chuckle when she snaps your cold, wet panties against your skin. katsuki sets your skin alight with every expert pinch at your trembling thighs, never giving you a chance to worry about the open courtyard her car was parked in, instead already getting you squealing and whining out her name in the sweet voice you saved just for her ears.

"katsuki–" she rewards your needy gasp of her name with an animalistic stare, her eyes bright even in the darkness watching you, her breath warming the seam of your panties, "people might see."

katsuki thinks you're like a little mouse when you whimper her name, not even trying to hide from her sharp, hawk-like gaze; a dumb field mouse, lying with your stomach exposed to her talons. her clouded eyes drop back to your drooling pussy right in front of her face, the peak of your thighs slick with what your panties couldn't catch, "i'll make it quick."

there wasn't another word whispered into the night when she finally gave you what you needed; pressing her lips to the junction between your thigh and your cunt, not even bothering to slide the panties you wore just for her down your legs, instead settling for holding it out of her way to expose your pussy to her ministrations, a sigh against your skin the only indication of your effect on her.

not wasting any more time, her tongue was at your cunt, your euphoric gasps drowning out katsuki's own moan at your taste, her tongue flat against you to taste as much of you as possible in a single wide lick to your clit. your jolt flicks a switch inside the blonde, her nose pressing so hard to your pubic bone it nearly hurts when her tongue swirls around your throbbing clit, her saliva mixing with your wetness, the mixture already starting to gather on her bottom lip, not bothering to catch the string of cum dripping from her lip to the backseat.

your grip on her hair never weakens, pulling and tugging whenever your hips rose to meet her tongue, muttering out a swear between breathless murmurs when her tongue flicks over the bunch of nerves, following your movements every time you try to escape the pleasure washing over you, simultaneously grinding onto her tongue like you needed more. you can feel her smile against your skin when she licks at the wetness dripping from your cunt, her tongue and lips sliding against your skin like a debased makeout session with your pussy.

not ignoring your clit for long, katsuki's lips drag up your skin to suck at your skin, your noises only getting louder and higher with every flick over it, your girlfriend insatiable, refusing to give in until your thighs were clamping around her skull, "uhnnn, please, 'tsuki, i need it."

you can't see her face under the skirt of your dress, but you can imagine the evil twinkle in her eye, the same ravenous shine pooling in the blood red whenever she got you begging, whenever she had you humping her face, your nails leaving parallel marks at the base of her neck.

"tell me what you need," her words run together in her desperation to get her lips wrapped back around your clit, her tongue still half hanging out of her mouth when she speaks. your mouth bobs open and closed dumbly, wracking your mind for a word other than please or katsuki.

"you know what i need–ah" you try, raising your hips again, whining again when she licks back down to your wet hole, dipping her tongue inside only enough to feel how you clenched your cunt around the muscle, "cum on my face, and i can take you home and give you everything, baby."

katsuki's voice is rough and deep and it breaks on the last syllable.

your eyes roll back in your skull at the broken pet name, your hair knotting against the cloth seats when you nod, a string of unfiltered babbling leaving your lips when her mouth closes back around your puffy clit, "please, 'ki, yeah, i-i think i'm gonna cum, i wanna cum, i need you to cum."

your long moan echoes through the car to your own ears, too blissed out to feel embarrassed at how ruined you sounded for her, too dazed to do anything but buck your hips at her groan vibrating against your soaking cunt, sticky with cum, saliva and glittery lip gloss.

your cheeks burn feeling her tug your panties back in place, fighting the urge to lock your legs around her head and shield yourself from the chill, the loss of her body pressed between your thighs making the damp spot on your panties feel even colder than it was, "c'mon, pretty, let's get you home."

the smile she flashes you when she climbs back to her feet is sweet, despite the point of her incisors shining under the moonlight making her look viscous, like a vampire ready to sweet talk her way to your jugular. you'd fall for it, you think to yourself, the girl beneath the harsh lines so sweet, sincere when you were alone with her, you'd be disarmed, too powerless to deny.

a loud holler at the back of the house reminds you where you are, your thighs snapping shut, your ears hot when katsuki laughs at your sudden bashfulness again, your hands flying to tug your skirt back down your thighs, shielding your exposed skin like she wasn't just kneeling, face to face with your drooling cunt. you finish adjusting where the hem brushes your pillowy thighs at the same time katsuki finishes brushing stray, crisp leaves from her knee with one hand, her other on yours, pulling you from the backseat, both of you as dishevelled as the other; lip gloss smeared over chins, matching tangled hair and slick thighs.

you stare at her like she hung the stars in the sky just for you when she opens the passenger door for you, deep vermillion studying the way your bottom lip tucks between your teeth at her sweetness, the way it did every time she did something like this to you, leaving you waiting on your front steps for an hour for her, whenever she cancelled a plan an hour before when she knew you'd already be getting dolled up, suggesting you both just play video games at her place instead of whatever nice date you'd planned. and yet, it ended with her lips and fingers slick with the tartness of your cum and you, staring up at her with lovesickness shining in your eyes, every time.

katsuki winks at you when she closes the passenger door with a soft thud, hardly loud enough to be heard over the party still raging nearby, the fact giving you some comfort in knowing your lover was the only one to hear your desperate whines and moans.

you track her movements around the car, unable to tear your eyes away from her sharp beauty, amplified even more so by her smile; all dangerous teeth and silver tongue on display, still watching her when she turns the key in the ignition. the engine vibrates and purrs with life, the headlights and radio flickering on with one last turn of the key in the ignition, "wanna put on our song, baby?"

reaching into the cup holder for her phone, the picture of her friends reminding you to ask her to tell her friends the truth about you, maybe tomorrow, not wanting to staunch the adoration pouring out from her. leaning close enough to smell her shampoo and perfume again, you queue your song, katsuki turning the volume knob with one hand, reaching her other arm behind your seat, shifting the car into reverse. effortlessly, she manoeuvres between the countless other cars, each of them parked wonkier and messier, most people pulling into any spare spot they could get.

excited for your and katsuki's song, you lean forward with your tongue bitten in concentration, attempting to press the small skip button beside the obsolete CD player embedded in the car, sluggishly bumping a button, the song skips back, a curse leaving your lips. still trying to press the correct button, you're oblivious to the flash of her phone screen, the illumination dim but clear, unmistakably the same contact photo your girlfriend showed off earlier lighting up the screen, only a pink heart as the contact name beneath it.

i can't wait to see you again x

© all works belong to @k-atsukibakugou, @gwen0m, and dlirious on archive of our own, do not plagiarise, translate, repost or recommend my work on other platforms or translate my works, i do not give permission for my works to be bound and sold. 18+ minors and ageless blogs do not interact.

[drizztdohurtin]

Rolan Headcanons: Fatherhood

pairing: Rolan x afab!reader (use of she/her pronouns)

[ masterlist ] [ wip list ]

Warnings: fluff and angst

gonna tag my beloved Cherry again ( @viennacherries ) bc we've discussed so many of these headcanons privately and I want to throw her some credit for any of her ideas that have seeped into my brain and bled into this post <33

Suggested pre-reads: tiefling hcs | tiefling purring hcs | deciding to start a family with Rolan | pregnancy hcs

Fatherhood

even as a full-time member of Rolan nation, and a certified connoisseur of Rolan content - I still can't decide how many kids he would have

I can see him having only one - this, in my brain, is for very angsty reasons

I can also see him having two, and that is probably what I lean toward the most

and I can see him having three because I love the idea of him being overwhelmed by his 3 tiny little tiefling babies running around screeching and pulling each other's tails

I'm a 'Rolan's firstborn is a boy' truther (I have spent hundreds of hours thinking about this)

I'll still use gender-neutral terms for this post in case anyone disagrees

BUT !! I need you to hear me out... I really like writing him as having a boy first because it gives me an opportunity to give him this little character arc

please check out this post about 'Rolan's first day as a dad' that I initially wrote for this post but then it got too long and turned into a blurb so I posted it separately

so while I think that Rolan would react the same whether he had a boy or girl (seeing them as perfect and making him realize that what he sees as perfection, his parents saw as abandonable), I particularly like the idea of his first being a boy because his son would be a perfect reflection of himself when he was a baby

then he'd be seeing exactly what his parents saw when they abandoned him

his love for his son helps him find more love for himself - helps him find more healing from his childhood

becoming a father is what would finally make him realize that the issue was never with him, it was always with his birth parents - no matter how many times anyone up to this point had told him so

he'd also realize that 90% of the intense anxiety he felt about becoming a father during your pregnancy was just a reflection of how much he cared for his baby, and how badly he wanted to do good by both of you

he realized he had been convinced that he was defective - convinced he inherited some gene that would make him a horrible parent

the accumulation of all of these feelings and realizations would overwhelm him a bit at first, and he'd think about it a lot in his moments alone

but being around his baby always made him feel better and like nothing else mattered

He LOVES holding his baby, he is incredibly physically affectionate with them

He is always giving them kisses or gently tracing their features with his thumbs, rubbing/patting their backs, or smoothing down their hair, literally anything

He loves placing gentle kisses on the spot on their forehead between their horns (or where their horns would come in)

He also sometimes rubs his nose against theirs affectionately or softly leans his cheek against their head while he's holding them

He's also fucking obsessed with how his baby smells (as are most parents), so he can be seen smelling the top of their head multiple times per day

Gets cuteness aggression (internally) often, especially when he's holding them close to his chest and he can smell them and they're making the cutest little noises and have his clothing balled up in their tiny little baby fists and he just is like kfdfshfasdfdffffff fuck this is the most perfect thing on the planet

Rolan would carry the baby around constantly if you let him

he'd get those body wraps that allow him to him the baby hands-free so that he can go about his work in the tower but also have his baby with him at all times

honestly, he'd get a few of them so that he always had one to match whatever robes he was wearing that day

yes it's hands-free but he'd still almost always have a comforting hand rubbing or patting his baby's back - ducking down to place kisses on their head idly as he read through books or mail

Rolan always had a habit of talking to himself while he's trying to mull things over in his office - and now that he has a baby he'll occasionally be met with a babbling response

like imagine him alone in his office reading over a paper, thinking about it out loud as he paces, gently bounces the baby on his chest, until he hears little babbling sounds - and he says some shit like, "Ah, yes, good point."

he won't make a sound if his baby's sleeping, though, and he'd speak in a gentle whisper if anyone came into the room to talk to him

He'd also read everything out loud when they're awake

and they always look at him with the utmost intrigue, their little yellow eyes wide and glimmering, their mouth hanging open slightly

he's just one of those parents who's always talking to their child - knowing how stimulating it is for babies, even when they don't know what you're saying

for example, he'll read books and papers out loud to them, and whenever he notices them watching his actions he'll explain what he's doing, especially if he's cooking

While his baby is still a baby, he takes time to refine the skills he learned when he was young and had to care for Cal and Lia - revising his healing spells and ensuring he still remembered how to mend tears in clothing

Rolan is a very anxious and protective father, only trusting a select few to touch/hold them or care for them when he's not there

although he tries to protect them from everything he possibly can, some things are unavoidable

He dreaded the day his child's horns would start coming in and once it finally started, it was the most difficult week of his life

most of the days were hell, his baby so uncomfortable that all they could do was scream and cry - and Rolan was there every second of it

in the worst moments, all he could do was hold them close and focus on providing the rumbling at the top of his chest that normally worked so well to comfort them

sometimes he'd cry with them, his chest tightening at seeing his poor infant trembling through their sobs, clutching the fabric of his clothes tightly in their fists

he did everything he could think of to try to relieve his child's pain - he'd hold an ice pack to their head, he'd attempt to get them to eat, and he'd try healing spells even though they don't really work that way

he had to sit with the guilt of not being able to help his little love as their cries pleaded for him to make it all stop

the child wasn't only in pain, they were also exhausted from crying and from a lack of sleep - which really only made it all worse, like a never-ending cycle

there was only one day he barely had to worry about it, the discomfort finally giving his child a break - allowing them to rest comfortably and smile and laugh throughout the day

and once it was all over, he can't remember the last time he felt such relief

raising his kid in the tower turns out to be the most stress-inducing thing ever, and strongly considers buying a house for you all to live in instead

Rolan's protectiveness and general anxiety over his child would start to manifest as strictness once his firstborn was a bit older

he'd be quite stern with them, and he doesn't really mean to be - he's just so concerned about his child's safety

He's literally so scared of something happening to them their entire life - but at least when they're a baby he can actually protect them

But he knows he has to give his child freedom as they grow, and that's when the paternal worry really sinks its claws into him

He wouldn't be strict in a way that pushes his child away from him, though

he'd always make sure to tell and show his kids how much he loves them - he could never be a dad who refuses to show any emotion to his kids

Because of that, he'd actually do a really good job of building enough trust with his child to the point where they can go to him for anything

His kid(s) know they can go to him with anything, and he won't punish them for telling the truth

Lowkey one of those parents that's like "You're not allowed to drink under the legal age but if you're going to do it, do it at home"

"I'm not saying that it's okay to do, I'm just saying if you're going to do something stupid, then at least do your mother and I a favor and do it as safely as you can."

Rolan loves being a father so much

and despite how actually insane toddlers are, that stage of life is probably his favorite when it comes to his kid(s) because it's the only stage where they have both the perks of babies and slightly older children

They can finally understand and use language, they have their own preferences and opinions, and they can run around and play, like older kids

But they're still small, and they need more sleep than older kids, and they still drink milk and need to be rocked to sleep, like babies

It probably also helps that he is incredibly patient with his kids, rarely ever losing his composure with them

His favorite nights are when he puts his toddler to bed - when he gets to put them in their soft little onesie and talk to them about their day before he reads them to sleep in his arms

But this is a toddler we're talking about, and they get crazy sometimes, especially before bed

there's one night when his child still had pent-up energy from the day, and Rolan knew it would be hard to get them to go to bed willingly

When he brought his child into their room, shut the door, and set them down, they immediately started running around and trying to play with toys

Rolan tried his best to get his wriggly toddler to sit still so that he could get them out of their day clothes, change their diaper, and put on their pj's

he got as far as putting on a clean diaper before his child wiggled out of his hands and started running around

he was often able to reason with his child, but on this particular night, despite his best efforts, it did not work

he stood up, staring at his tiny little tiefling where they stood on the other side of the room with the goofiest smiles on their face

his often serious face cracked a smile before he ran towards his baby with arms outstretched, pretending he was going to catch them

his child shrieked with laughter, beginning to sprint around the room, avoiding their father's outstretched arms

Rolan chased them around like that for minutes, utterly in love with the loud, mischievous chortles erupting from his baby until, eventually, they let him catch them

with a playful roar, Rolan would hoist his baby up in the air above his head as he made his way back over to the changing station

He lowered his child with a bunch of wild, sloppy kisses to their cheeks as he lowered them to lay down, before deciding to get one last laugh out of them

he'd duck his head and start blowing raspberries onto their big ol' baby belly, gently tickling their sides with his fingers - laughing along with his child's loud, gurgly shrieks of joy

He would always remember how hard they laughed that night, along with the pure joy that had been plastered on his baby's face the whole night

[tiannasfanfic]

Tongue Tied

Adrian Chase/Vigilante x Reader (Fluff)

| Adrian Chase Masterlist | AO3 Link |

Summary: After a long week of boring busywork and aggravating allergies, Adrian Chase does something a little unexpected.

Rating: General

Author Note: Gender-neutral Reader, no pronouns used. This started out as a different story, but I lost the thread of it. It's been sitting in my WIPs for months now. With a bit of editing, it is now a fluffy oneshot.

CW: Allergies and mention of taking over the counter medications for them.

Word Count: 1,620

4:59pm

The clock had been stuck on 4:59pm for five hours now.

Or at least that’s what it felt like as you stared at it.

“Burning a hole in it ain’t gonna make it go any faster,” Leota said to you from her desk, which was close to yours.

“If anything, you just cursed us by staring at it,” Harcourt said, who was sitting nearby and scrolling through her phone.

The group was between missions, but none of you had been dismissed to return to your regular jobs yet. Even Adrian hadn’t been allowed to go back to his position at Fennel Field’s, which was just fine by him. There was speculation among the six of you that meant something screwy was coming down the wire. None of you had any idea what it could be, but the whole thing was highly suspect. Amanda Waller never let you all sit around with nothing to do for this long before, even prior to your coming to the team, according to the others.

And so, the last five days had been filled with nothing but in-office busywork.

Everything that needed to be done housekeeping wise got done on the first day. The first half of the second day was spent finishing up some fine detail cleaning and supply restocking, then rest of the day after lunch was filled by filing paperwork. The third day was spent cleaning all of the weapons in storage to make sure everything was good for the next mission. But there had been nothing to do since then.

However, while everyone was simply bored out of their minds while waiting, autumn in Washington was playing hell with your allergies. While both John and Harcourt were being affected in similar ways with some sneezing and runny noses, over the counter allergy medication was working fine for them. You? Not so much. Something in the Evergreen air absolutely hated you. The sneezing had stopped, at least, but your eyes wouldn’t stop being itchy, which was making them water, and now you could feel a sinus headache starting to build up behind your forehead and eyes.

5:00pm

“Oh, thank fucking hell,” Harcourt exclaimed as she stood up and pocketed her phone.

You eyed her, then chuckled as you began packing your laptop away in your bag. “Now who was watching the clock?”

Harcourt flipped you off, which made you really laugh for the first time all day. She headed back to her office to collect her things, leaving you to finish gathering yours.

After saying goodbye to Harcourt and John, you and Leota walked out together. You didn’t see Chris, Eagly or Adrian and just assumed they had left early. That was pretty standard for them if there wasn’t actively something to do. Once you were outside, the work mode you had been trying to maintain slipped, and you rubbed your forehead, groaning softly with a slightly pained look on your face.

Leota looked over at you with an empathetic look. “The Zyrtec not helping anymore?”

You shook your head.

“Or the Advil. They really only took the edge off though,” you said, sighing. “I’ll pick up some NyQuil or something on the way home, just sleep this weekend.”

“That’s a good idea,” Leota gave you a gentle hug. “If you need anything, give me a call, okay? Keeya and I will be doing our errands tomorrow, so we can grab you anything you need.”

You told her you would, then you both headed to your respective cars. You were parked further down from her a couple spaces away.

“Hey, Y/N! Wait up!”

It as Adrian’s voice, not Leota’s, that called out to you. You turned in the direction it came from to see him jogging your way from the other side of the building. Your gaze shifted behind him to see Chris and Eagly watching Adrian from around the corner. They were not trying to be stealthy about it at all. In fact, Chris even waved at you when you looked at him.

“Hey Adrian,” you said, your gaze shifting back to him as you smiled tiredly. “What’s up?”

Adrian took a deep breath, fidgeting nervously.

“Would you-“ he started, then stopped. “I was curious if you wanted to-“ And he stopped again. “If I was to-“

Adrian stopped again and turned around suddenly, looking back at Chris and Eagly. They both gave him the “get on with it” gesture; one with a hand, the other a wing.

You glanced over at Leota. She was rapidly looking back and forth between the two of you, eyes widening and a big, excited smile spreading across her face.

Shifting your eyes back at Adrian, you were just in time for him to turn to you with an extremely serious look on his face. He looked you dead in the eye with an intensity he’s never directed at you before. It was as if a sudden blaze had sparked behind those green eyes of his. Butterflies started flapping around in your stomach.

Adrian opened his mouth to speak.

“Do you go out?” he asked.

You blinked.

He blinked.

“That was a dumb question,” he said quickly, his face turning a shade of red that looked like a sunburn. “Obviously, you do go out because you’re out right now, and you have to go out to be able to go to work or the store or on a mission, so that’s like a big ‘duh’ to that. And I’ve seen you out doing errands, so-“

You heard a slight “kaw” from Eagly and glanced behind Adrian again. Chris was rubbing the bridge of his nose in what looked like aggravation, and Eagly was staring at Adrian like he was about to fly over and start pecking at him. You looked back at Adrian, who was still rambling about all the things you’d have to leave your apartment to do.

“But I- what I was asking was- um- what I was wondering is…do you go out…in other ways?”

Adrian was looking at you with a hopeful expression.

“…I guess?” you said slowly, confusion really setting in. “I go out to eat sometimes, but that gets expensive, so I try not to very often.”

Adrian perked up. “Awesome! Did you want to eat something one night?”

You blinked again.

He blinked again.

���Er…” you said, really confused now. “I usually eat every night after I get off work.”

Now Adrian’s sunburn blush was pushing past moderate territory.

It looked like he was having trouble speaking now, which just added to your confusion. Adrian looked back at Chris, so you looked over at Leota with a questioning gaze to see if she could give you any indication as to what exactly was happening right now. Leota’s expression didn’t give you much as it was frozen somewhere in between excitement, secondhand embarrassment, and abject horror. But that made you feel a little better about the whole thing since you didn’t understand any of this at all. Between your head checking out for the day as soon as your allergies started and Adrian’s fumbling with words, you were properly confused as hell.

A few seconds after you looked back to Adrian, he got his voice back.

“Well, what I meant was- that is, what I was asking you is- I didn’t know if you- what I meant to ask you- I mean, would you like to possibly- or, if you’d like, totally up to you- um, I-“

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Chris exclaimed from behind Adrian, and Eagly kawed in agreement. “Y/N, would you like to go out on a date with Adrian and have dinner with him tomorrow night?”

Adrian blinked, suddenly a bright red and looking terrified.

You blinked, your face suddenly blushing a very deep red.

“Oh!” you said, your eyes wide.

While Adrian had been leery of you at first after ARGUS transferred you to Evergreen, seeing you take most of stress off of Harcourt while she recovered had quickly gotten you into his good graces. She was able to focus more on her physical therapy that way, which aided in her speedy recovery. It really didn’t take long for you to develop more than friendly feelings towards him. The feeling definitely was mutual as the flirtation between you two had been heavy for weeks now. But you figured if anyone was going to make the first move, it was going to have to be you.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to, no worries,” Adrian said hurriedly, his tone reassuring, but he did a very poor job of masking a disappointed expression. “I’m really sorry about asking. I didn’t think you would be interested, but Chris said-“

“No no, I’d love to,” you quickly interrupted him with a smile. “Sorry, I was just surprised.”

The look on Adrian’s face was priceless. He seemed unable to stop himself from jumping into the air and fist bumping the air above him. Then he turned red again, realizing he just did that in front of you and everyone else.

A thrumming behind your eye reminded you that you needed to get home soon before your head got much worse.

“Pick me up at seven?” you asked him.

Adrian nodded rapidly, and started to say something, but at that moment Eagly swooped over to peck Adrian in the leg, resulting in a “owowow” from him.

Regardless of what the bird thought of Adrian’s technique, you were going on a date with him tomorrow night.

And that made you smile for the first time all day.

[welcomingdisaster]

I also have an insane Gil-galad epic in progress! I'm curious-- tell me a little bit about yours?

oh hey hey hey! you are opening a pandora's box lmao.

basically! i'm a fin-galad truther and also a "gil-galad is both complicated and deeply flawed" believer and i have a little WiP i keep chipping away at that goes through each name gil-galad holds over the years. this involves a vaguely genderqueer/transmasc gil-galad, with oscillating points of view and pronouns. the outline, which i will probably fuck with, goes along the lines of:

finduilas: finduilas, born in tol sirion, comes to nargothrond as a child. her father, orodreth, loves her very much but is deeply protective of her after the ruin of his island, and wishes to shield her from the realities of war. she begins to idolize finrod, her uncle, and models herself heavily after him. feeling stifled by her father's protectiveness, she also develops a habit telling little lies that spins into a habit of telling big lies. after finrod's leaving, finduilas and orodreth fight about the placement of a family portrait. orodreth, grieving his brother and feeling abandoned by his kin, asks her, for the first time -- whose child do you think you are, mine or his?

faelivrin: chapter of three interspersed scenes, which are told out of order, cutting in and out of one another. in the first, gwindor and finduilas fall in love, and he gives her the name faelivrin. in the next, a badly wounded faelivrin returns to nargothrond, sneaking around a sleeping glaurung, and finds the bodies of both gwindor and her father. finally, in brethil, one of the women of the haladin tell a journeying elf-lord the story of burying the elven princess, unaware of whom they speak to.

finellach: the refugees of nargothrond gather, and debate where to flee. it is then that the king's child returns, wounded in the chest/shoulder and carrying orodreth's crown, recovered from the wreckage. they refuse the name faelivrin, speaking of the defilement of the pools, and take on the name finellach. the chapter ends with finellach cutting their hair in grief and taking the crown of nargothrond as the last surviving member of the royal family. gildor, a ward of finrod's house, crowns them.

finwain: after a short timeskip, we see finellach with their hair dyed black, styling himself after the kings of the noldor of old and very pointedly seeking power. when some of his newest followers, refugees from gondolin, are confused about his parentage, taking him for a descendant of fingon's house, he neither confirms nor denies. he meets with cirdan, who is troubled by this development and urges him not to forget his roots. finwain, whose following and influence among the noldor grows, dismisses that. forgetting is both emotionally and politically easier.

artanaro: war of the wrath chapter! meeting with finarfin, his grandfather, finwain speaks in rusty quenya, having partly forgotten the language he had learned in childhood from orodreth. he wishes to tell finarfin everything, but cannot bring himself to do so, and when finarfin asks if he is orodreth's daughter, he denies it, naming himself a son of finrod. finarfin knows he is lying, but not push. after a moment, finwain gives him the name artanaro, orodreth's mother-name.

ereinion: post war of the wrath! elrond, who is treating ereinion's ever-present shoulder injury, presses him about which kings he is the scion of. ereinion jokingly tells him several different stories, none of which are true.

gil-galad: after ereinion's fall in the battle against sauron, elrond and gildor speak of their legacy, and of the way the story will be taught in rivendell.

this is basically the summary!! it might change a million times over as i actually write it! but it's definitely a "story that plays on repeat in my head while i drive" kind of vibe lmao

[fearofahumanplanet]

Updated Intro

My Cluster B-exclusive 18+ Discord server can be found here!

Yeah, so my first intro was Bad and I've gotten so much more involved on this site than I thought I would - so it's time to wipe time and do it all again!

Hello, I'm Jane Doe (not my real name - you'd be amazed how many people think so, but really, it's not). I'm a writer and a mouthy sufferer of several personality disorders, and both of these things have kind of become the focus of this blog (bc I can't help but vent in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping).

General Taglist: @aohendo, @athenswrites, @impaledlotus, @bardic-tales, @carefulpyro, @marinesocks, @writingpotato07, @hey-its-quill

MASTERLIST AND WIP INFO AT THE BOTTOM OF POST

This blog contains NSFW (18+) content - I don't really impose any limits on my writing, and it is and has always been an outlet for my trauma! You have been warned.

THIS BLOG IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE A SAFE PLACE FOR ALL LGBT+ & QUEER PEOPLE, ALL CLUSTER B DISORDERS (INCLUDING NPD & ASPD), ALL DISABLED PEOPLE (PHYSICALLY OR MENTALLY), ANYONE OF ANY RACE, ETC. IF YOU'RE A BIGOT IN ANY REGARD, FUCK RIGHT OFF.

Now that we're through with that...

A Little About Me

I am twenty-one years old & Irish-American, I use she/her & it/its pronouns, I am hella LGBT, and I am a loud & proud anarcho-communist

We are a system that suffer from a combination of severe symptoms from all Cluster B personality disorders, but most severely borderline personality disorder (BPD), antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Outside of those I also suffer from dependent personality disorder (DPD), bulimia nervosa + ARFID, chronic insomnia, major depressive disorder, agoraphobia, CPTSD, and am autistic, & with this blog I have decided to make it everyone else's problem :P

I am open to DMs, asks, & tag games at all times! But I may take a bit to get back to you

If you'd like to beta read or just read any of my WIPs, let me know! I usually share PDFs when at least a couple drafts are finished

I have been studying English for about as long as I've lived and writing for about eight years, and I'd like to think I've become pretty damn good at these things. I love beta reading and helping to edit other people's works, so if you have a WIP and you'd like some help, feel free to contact me (ESPECIALLY if it fits snugly into my interests).

Outside of writing, I have a deep love for horror movies & games, video games (especially first-person shooters & roguelikes), HEMA, reading (of course), punk & metal music, snakes & dogs, psychology & philosophy, and staying awake long enough to make inadvised chaotic decisions without a worry. Recommend me music of any kind, please!

I have also devoted almost a decade of my life to studying mythology, theology, history & culture all around the world - I find these things endlessly fascinating, brilliant, and inspiring, and I am always eager to find out more about foreign cultures! If you need any help regarding mythology/theology (basically anything there) or specific parts of history (ask!) feel free to message or ask me!

Stuff Regarding My Writing

I am an all-around speculative/weird fiction writer, though I am willing to try literally anything if the idea intrigues me enough. That being said, almost all of my work returns to horror eventually, as it is my beloved and my most faithful muse. Besides horror, some of my other favorite genres to write include dark fantasy, urban fantasy, historical fiction, noir, & cyberpunk.

My writing style itself is a mix of a more casual style with more complex words & obscure references mixed in. My work tends to be quite bleak & dark in content, as it started as a coping mechanism for my trauma, but I don't believe in grimdark stories and I work to make sure there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, however dim. There is also, very frequently, stylized and detailed gore & elaborate, over-the-top action in my work.

My writing takes a very psychological, character-driven bent at all times - I feel no shame in having simpler plots so that I can focus on the mindsets of traumatized and fucked-up people. Mental health is a primary focus in all of my writing, and I tend to feature antiheroes or legitimate villains as protagonists.

Black-and-white morals are a thing of fiction in my work - with the rarest of exceptions, I strive to discard "good and evil" as constructs entirely and write human beings instead.

I usually write female protagonists and/or protagonists of marginalized & underrepresented groups. Everything I write will have some LGBT people somewhere, it's a guarantee.

Thanks to my areas of study, I also write a lot about mythology & theology - good luck finding a single project of mine that doesn't sneak in a reference to some god somewhere, if not straight up including them. I also really enjoy ancient literature and will frequently incorporate references or quotes from older epics. Drinking game: Take one shot every time I reference Dante's Inferno in something (don't actually do this for your own safety)

While my settings & stories tend to be very fantastical, I always seek to ground them in reality as much as I can and give them a grittier feel - combat in my stuff is a lot less cartoony and a lot more focused on broken bones and bloody bodies. I also write HEAVILY about real-world politics with an explicitly leftist anarchist view, so if that's not something you're prepared to deal with, I'd advise you turn around now.

My Current WIPs...

Karma Killer (full post here) - Slasher, Psychological Horror. In the fictional mountain town of Lake Leer, Colorado, a bullied teen named Kora Lynch is driven to suicide, only to be saved by a wrathful goddess and given a kabuki mask and the ability to know anyone's sins with a mere glance. Indebted to her new lord, Kora takes up the name of "Karma" and begins tormenting the people who drove her to die - only to start losing herself and her ideals with every bloody body she leaves behind her.

The Serpents They Stone (full post here) - Mythological Urban Fantasy, Cyberpunk. In an alternate version of our world where gods lived alongside humankind and brought them to a new level of technological prosperity, the dreaded World Serpent Jörmungandr reveals herself to have survived Ragnarok while rescuing her villainous old flame, the Phantom Queen Badb. Quickly finding herself pursued by the entire world for the prophecy that promises she will end the world, Jörmungandr dedicates herself to saving Badb from the "Black Pharaoh" that enslaves her - even as Badb is forcibly driven to remain sinister and create chaos.

Miasma (full post here) - Historical Dark Fantasy. Based on the Anglo-Norman invasion of Ireland & the later Black Death, the island of Ériu is besieged by the foreign Anglii and their High King is killed. His daughter, Hail, dies with him, but she is resurrected by the serpent goddess Corchen with one objective - to kill King Godric across the ocean, no matter the cost. Her mission soon intertwines with that of a mysterious plague doctor's, who seeks to stop an oncoming plague - one that could spell the end of all life.

Short Story Masterlist

D.N.R. (Character study about BPD) (full story here)

Ghost (Dungeon-punk horror) (full story here)

rusted from the rain. (Folk horror) (full story here)

[multi-lefaiye]

:3c. i'm a big fan of shitty shitty guys (fictional only). would you like to tell me more about narkissos?

hohoho hello :3c thank you for stopping by

so narkissos started out a lot shittier than he is now, but he's still kinda shitty in a lot of ways. at least, at first.

(also for context, i tend to use 'he' a lot for narkissos but her pronouns are he/she, so i'll probably switch around a few times in this post)

narkissos is one of the major characters in my wip CUDAAS, aka "Currently Unnamed Demons And Angels Story," because i still don't know what to actually title that one.

the main thing issue that leads to me not knowing how to really talk about him is uh. well. a lot of my narkissos thoughts are big spoilers. but i WILL say that narkissos is a fascinating character to me b/c he embodies a big theme i want to explore in cudaas--that being the idea of duty and the importance of questioning authority.

narkissos is a guardian, the equivalent of an angel, and he was created to follow the gods' orders without question. all guardians are. and narkissos has been praised his entire existence for BEING such a good soldier and following the gods' orders to the letter, at all costs. so, like a lot of guardians, narkissos has built his entire identity and self-worth around following orders.

which becomes a problem when the gods' orders start getting a bit more fucked up, or at least narkissos starts to REALIZE how fucked up they are.

now i'm not gonna say narkissos never does anything wrong. on the contrary, she does quite a bit wrong! but god i am so excited to explore her character arc as she tries to fix it and starts to rebel against the gods.

without going into too many details b/c spoilers. narkissos' character arc across cudaas, summarized:

book one: little bitch who just wants attention and approval all the time always and cries for three centuries because alekto was a little mean to him one time

book two: oh he is so traumatized and sad and broken and riddled with guilt and a desperate desire to fix what cannot be fixed. i'm obsessed with him.

book three: YO THIS ANGEL'S OFF THE SHITS LET'S GOOOOOOOOO WE'RE KILLING THE GODS NOW

also one of my other favorite narkissos moments is one where alekto kicks his ass and he immediately falls a little in love with them. i see u, narkissos.

[mosstliest]

mcyt movie night headcanons!

(cc!) Dream , George , Sapnap , Technoblade , Wilbur , Eret , Fundy , Nihachu , Quackity , Karl

requested? yes / no

pronouns used : they / them

cw! light nsfw (Dream) , mentions of jumpscares (horror films)

Dream

he is a big fan of a good old netflix and chill session

something about the warm, dark living room only illuminated by the moving images on the screen, your silhouette barely visible under a blanket and whatever snack you’d found on his cupboard on your hands gets this man in a raunchy mood

he’ll pull you to his lap or slide next to you and start pecking at your neck

“But it’s just getting to the good part”

you stretch your neck to give him more room anyways

“Oh we’re about to get to the good part”

you chuckle and bite your lip to stifle a sigh as his lips begin to trace your jaw

the movie gets paused is what I’m saying

he refuses to buy any snacks from the candy shop  whenever you do go to the cinema

“It is unnecessarily expensive!”

“You have twenty million fucking subscribers!”

“BUT FOUR DOLLARS?!”

he has the most creative ways of smuggling sweets

it started with a classic tote bag

it’s become sort of a game

once, he bought the most ridiculously bulgy jacket and wore it in scorching florida weather solely for the purpose of hiding crisps

he laughs easily at movies and his wheeze has made you get kicked out of a movie theatre at least once

will talk about his favourite parts of the movie for hours after it’s finished

will laugh whenever he thinks about the funniest parts for days

George

(sort of George with a film buff s/o)

he doesn’t talk during movies and actively dislikes people who do

will complain if he doesn’t like the film but only in quiet whispers and not if he suspects you are particularly enjoying it

you made him watch a Tarkovsky film one time

he swears he didn’t fall asleep

he did

but he tried his best <3

can’t choose the movie for the life of him so you always end up having to pick

every time you try and analyze color symbolism he’ll chime in

“I’m colorblind”

before you can finish

you bait him honestly

he likes listening to you talk about your favorite movies and all the films you want to show him

he’ll look up facts about your favourite directors and will make fun of your least favourite ones with you

makes a great snobby-tarantino-fan “you’ve not known real cinema until you’ve watched pulp fiction”  impression that never fails to make you cackle

he is not a fan of horror films

you tried to make him watch one once

“I don’t really like horror movies but you said this one was good so- WHAT IS THAT?!”

turned it off immediately and you ended up watching the hobbit

Harry potter marathons are a must

he can imitate maggie smith’s accent to perfection

Sapnap

you watch anime together

I don’t give a fuck if you don’t like it

he doesn’t either

he’ll make you watch it

he has good taste though, so you end up enjoying it

cuddles with Sapnap cuddles with Sapnap cuddles with Sapnap

movie playing on the tv, your head in his chest and his hand in your waist, blankets wrapped around you and the AC running just a little bit too cold = his absolute definition of happiness

you binge watch shows in one sitting and then get sad when they’re over

he always burns the goddamn popcorn

daily movie nights!

you order in and eat a late night dinner in bed

Your pick monday, wednesday, friday

his pick tuesday, thursday, saturday

a full on debate on sundays trying to figure out a good middle ground

Whenever the movie runs late and you end up falling asleep, he’ll turn the tv off and quietly pull the blankets over your body before kissing your forehead in the sweetest way imaginable

he yells at the screen

he loves watching horror movies but gets jumpscared easily

“Awww are you scared baby?”

“Shut up y/n I’m only holding you so you don’t get scared”

“I won’t :)”

“...I’m not letting go if that’s what you’re fucking thinking”

Technoblade

(take a shot every time popcorn is mentioned and pass out)

one of your first dates was actually a movie date

he turned and whispered in your ear whenever a clever wip popped in his head and his commentary was so funny you had to bury your face in your hands so your laughter didn’t disturb the other people in the theatre

he talks during movies, he can’t help it

"heh?!"

he doesn’t like cinema popcorn and will exclusively buy chocolate

you didn’t get it until the day he made you try his trademark-techno-popcorn and wow

“holy shit this is great!”

“I know”

he’s completely ruined popcorn for you

“please don’t ever leave me, I don’t think I’ll be able to eat normal popcorn after this”

“wasn’t planning on it”

he is secretly into romcoms

you watch movies in bed, laptop propped in his legs and an obligatory bowl of popcorn in your arms

he plays with your hair for the whole time

you hate-watch bad movies all the time and your chests hurt from laughing by the end

he can easily memorize entire scenes and will repeat them to you in a totally monotone voice

It’s great

has never cried during a movie, is dreadfully proud of himself for it

sometimes he’ll get distracted and just stare at you, movie reduced to white noise in the background

“you’re so pretty”

Wilbur

makes dinner for you whenever you have a movie night

his snack game is kind of weak though, as much as I hate to say it

water and dark chocolate only

if you think he doesn’t insist on rewatching hamilton at least once every two months you are wrong

he is a goddamn hamilton kinnie and he likes the fucking songs okay?

constant change of cuddling positions

you made him sit through the entirety of the twilight saga “as a hate watch”

he now quotes it on a daily basis (never on stream, chat would eat him alive)

“Whaddaya mean team jacob? He’s a glorified furry!”

you watch a lot of documentaries

the way he concentrates on taking in every single bit of information is almost more entertaining than the actual film

he’ll tell you random facts he learnt watching the documentary and you’ll have to remind him that you watched it with him

you act out iconic romance scenes and he gets so into it

he can be anything from Jack Dawson to mr. Darcy and William Thacker and it gives you butterflies every time

you’ll stand up whenever characters are slow dancing and dance along with them

You’ve tried to watch shows together but you always end up forgetting or one of you will binge an entire season and

he’s insufferable when he doesn’t like a film but will refuse to change it

he criticizes the smallest details in a way that would make Anthony Lane look like an absolute sweetheart

you dance to the end credits theme

Fundy

(long distance!)

Netflix parties ALL THE TIME

+ discord calls / facetime

you coordinate snacks

sometimes you’ll switch whatever you’re watching to dutch for a second so he can make fun of the god awful translation

most times,you fall asleep together after the movie ends even if your time zones are far apart

you watch entire shows together, the longer the better

four or five episodes at a time

You both get super invested and will have heated discussions about whether rory should have ended up with logan or jess

whenever you talk about meeting up, watching a movie and actually cuddling comes up

he used to be kind of quiet during movies

he won’t shut up now, it’s fun, having his voice in your ears with whatever film you’re watching in the background makes it seem like he's in bed next to you

his voice would be easy to fall asleep to if he didn’t yell so often

he can guess the precise plot of every single horror movie

like word for word, scene for scene

he gets scared anyways

he sent you one of his hoodies once, after you begged for weeks

you wrap it around a plushie or pillow and cuddle it whenever you watch something together

“can’t believe a fucking sweater gets more action than me”

“oh shut up you big baby”

Eret

lots and lots of movie dates

he has excellent taste in films and shows so you let them choose most times

stacking up on cinema sweets and a huge bucket of popcorn when you go to a theatre

buying tons of crisps and candybars when you hang out at home

not the biggest cuddler in this specific setting

would much rather have her arm around your shoulder and your legs up on their lap

you watch award shows solely for the purpose of roasting the outfits

bed/couch absolutely crammed with plushies and pillows

you always make milkshakes together

not smoothies

not frappes

milkshakes

with syrup, whipped cream and a cherry on top

the night isn’t complete without them

you watch a lot of period films

“you’d look great in that”

“who are you pointing to again?”

“doesn’t matter, you’d look great in everything”

(you’ll get them to wear a corset if it’s the last thing you do)

he turns to kiss your cheek every fifteen minutes

Nihachu

you bake cookies before movie nights and decorate them specifically for the theme of the film

you did a horror marathon once

(it may have been a sneaky way to get her to hide in the crook of your neck but we don’t talk about that)

the plate of cookies flew out of her hands in minutes

she got so worried

“but you worked so hard on the decorations :(“

“it’s fine babe, we’ll just eat the plain ones”

she wrapped her arms around you and kissed your cheek so it was totally worth it

the decorations were kinda shit anyways

you watch a ton of coming of age movies and will listen to the soundtrack for days after

she’s so funny during movies

sometimes a character will do something stupid and her remark will be so absolutely stingy both your hands will fly to your mouths and you’ll stare at each other, eyes wide, before falling into a fit of giggles

simping over powerful women with Niki

you have a huge watchlist of gay films and high five everytime you cross one off

cuddling under a huge pile of blankets

switching sweaters

Zuko climbing unto the laptop and pausing the movie at the most inconvenient times

Quackity

he eats dry cereal during movies because he’s just chaotic like that

you sit on the floor with your backs to the couch and eat takeout and drugstore snacks

the amount of times you’ve watched the fucking bee movie

you like watching things in spanish

everything from crappy soap operas to almodovar films

he likes to translate things and can do it super quick so you never really need subtitles

you watch a lot of superhero movies and he has made you watch Adam Sandler’s entire filmography

the floor always ends up messy and cleaning up afterwards is almost as funny as the film itself

sitcoms!

lots and lots of sitcoms

Karl

pillow fort is obligatory

monster energy drinks and a huge variety of candy

microwave popcorn with too much butter

hot cocoa with too many marshmallows

you mostly watch cartoons and 2010’s nickelodeon shows

scream singing the iCarly theme song and hating on tori from victorious

getting really into the adventure time lore

tickle fights when the film gets boring

he takes recommendations from “indie film” tiktoks and you mock him for it endlessly

he has weirdly obscure knowledge on every show you watch

he has a big colección of dvds/videotapes so you get to watch some oldies

he falls asleep with his head in your lap or your shoulder

he gives you a sweater or hoodie to wear and lends you plaid pyjama pants

you quote movies on stream and have ton of private jokes

can you tell I got lazy at the end?

likes and reblogs are always appreciated and have a wonderful morning/day/afternoon/evening/night <3

[kuromhiel]

Crush in Disguise

Free Imagine!

School!AU

RG: Gender-Neutral!

Warning(s): Swearing.

Love Interest's pronouns: They/Them!

C/N = Crush's name.

﹥*:ꔫ:*+ﾟﾟ+*:ꔫ:*﹤﹥*:ꔫ:*+ﾟﾟ+*:ꔫ:*﹤﹥*:ꔫ:*+ﾟ﹤

This. Was. The. End. Of. The. World. For. You.

God no, please no.

They were going to a fancy restaurant with someone else?

You were secretly sobbing on your seat, not allowing yourself to face C/N for the whole day.

One look at them and you were sure you would burst out crying or glare at them for so long.

Now, you were alone in the classroom with your best friend. She was a supportive one, a very cute one too.

A lot of boys would be head over heels for her and that's the reason you are very scared and hesitant to have another crush, because they would all fall for her!

But you were defeated, you had fallen for another person.

But now, you are starting to feel like your heart was breaking once again. Dear Lord, they said they would go out with another girl in another restaurant?!

That was so offending.

"BSF/N!!!" You whined, standing up from your seat, walking to the window where she stood at.

You leaned into her shoulder, sniffing silently. She lazily looked over her shoulder, seeing small tears forming in your eyes.

She immediately turned to you and cupped your face, gently wipping the tears out of your face.

"My poor baby! What happened to you?!" She shouted, you put your hand over her mouth, telling her to tone down a bit.

"Oh God, BSF/N!!! Shush! You're so loud!" You said, removing your hand away from her mouth.

You started to space out, your head blurring the sounds that was going in your ear, strings of your name slowly disappeared as you stared into the wall, blankly.

"BSF/N!" You shouted and finally stopped spacing off. "WHAT?!" She said, squishing your cheeks.

"I have an idea...Remember that C/N is going to a restaurant with another girl?! We should go there, using a disguise!" You said, stars are practically showing up in your eyes.

﹥*:ꔫ:*+ﾟﾟ+*:ꔫ:*﹤﹥*:ꔫ:*+ﾟﾟ+*:ꔫ:*﹤﹥*:ꔫ:*+ﾟ﹤

Good, now you're here. At the restaurant.

You sneakily walked up to your table, which is near to where C/N and this "girl" was sitting.

You saw them laugh, their smile is so...

Wait. Where the heck was BSF/N?

You looked around, your palms turning sweaty.

"Oh my fucking God, BSF/N. Where the hell would you be now?!" You whispered.

You looked at C/N's table, seeing BSF/N talking to the girl he was sitting with.

Oh God, she's gonna blow our cover.

This is the end of the world.

How will I explain this?!

Your eyes shot wide open, when you saw the girl move her hair away...

She looks...A little odd?

You quickly walked to their table, your hands shaking and temples sweating.

"BSF/N...Hey..." You said, your voice shaking. Clearing your throat to change the tone of your voice.

"Ah, let's go order already. Time's really fast, we need to eat and go to sch- I mean, YOU need to go to school. My job's lunch break is...Uhm, only 20 minutes!"

Lord, C/N was staring into your soul, but you couldn't deny that their eyes make you feel so safe, warm, and mostly lost.

"You could come eat with us." They said, giving a warm smile.

"WHATT?" You shouted, quickly regaining your posture and clearing your throat, again.

"O-oh! I mean uhm, no. No thank you, C/N."

"You know my name...?" They asked.

Shoot. You should've just waited for BSF/N to come back to your table. You were making YOUR OWN SITUATION worst.

"OH! Well, ahem, BSF/N actually told me a lot about you. I was really curious so she told me, haha!"

Please, I want to cry.

"Ah, I see." They said, nodding. Slowly turning to their friend.

"Dear...I'll pay for it okay?" They said.

Dear...?

They have a GIRLFRIEND?

You huffed, turning around.

Your eyes almost filled with tears.

You're never gonna fall in love ever again.

Your best friend frowned, grabbing your arm and slowly walking out to the exit, not even saying a single goodbye to C/N.

You were now outside, walking on the sidewalk, until you felt someone's hand on your shoulder.

The force is strong, making you halt in your tracks. You quickly looked around seeing C/N frown, BSF/N slowly walked away to another store, secretly peaking.

You wiped your eyes, your eyebrows furrowed and you gave them a forced smile.

"Yes? What do you want?" You tried to say without your voice shaking and trying not to sound rude at all.

"Y/N?" They asked.

"Ye- What?!" You said, eyes widening.

Fuck, you almost blew your cover, AGAIN.

"Who's Y/N?" You asked, acting confused.

"My lover." They said, smirking.

Your face slowly heats up, awkwardly coughing.

"Oh, I thought that girl was your lover?" You asked.

"That was a gay friend of mine, she calls me dearest, I call her dear."

Oh, now it makes sense.

"OHHH!!! HAHAHAHA! NICE ONE BUDDY." You laughed, patting his back.

"Oh! Sorry ri-" You backed off, you lost your balance since your other foot slipped on a broken cement.

They quickly pulled you in, taking your mask off and kissing your lips.

"Mmm...My sweet Y/N, I knew it was you." They said, parting from the kiss, eyes still closed.

You awkwardly laughed, and kissed back.

God, you wished this could last forever.

But right, there were people on the sidewalk watching...

﹥*:ꔫ:*+ﾟﾟ+*:ꔫ:*﹤﹥*:ꔫ:*+ﾟﾟ+*:ꔫ:*﹤﹥*:ꔫ:*+ﾟ﹤

AHHH OH MY GOD, I'M BACKK!!! IT'S BEEN MONTHS OR DAYS OR WEEKS??? EXAMS JUST ENDED TWO DAYS AGO AND I AM RELIEVED.

HERE'S A FREE IMAGINE FOR YOU SIMPS<3 PLEASE SEND IN REQUESTS I'M HAVING A BIT OF A WRITER'S BLOCK!!!

HAVEN'T CHECKED ERRORS, SO THIS MIGHT HAVE PRONOUN ERRORS OR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS.

LOVE YOU GUYS, THANK YOU FOR READING THIS!!!

[definitely-not-a-wasp]

I'm okay with a bunch of disorganized rambling honestly 😂. But if I had to narrow it down then I guess I want to know about main and side characters and how they compare to the original?

I know that tumblr is the Prime Site for disorganized rambling, but I have perfectionism issues. But that is a great question, nonnie, and I will be happy to ramble is a slightly less disorganized fashion.

When reading Maximum Ride as a somewhat-formed adult who discovered they enjoy English classes about 3.5 years ago, I noticed that JP, when writing, doesn't understand consistency. At all. Which means, in many ways, I have a free sandbox to work with.

Spoilers for my rewrite WIP, because I strongly believe that if a story would no longer be good if one had spoilers, then it wasn’t a good story in the first place.

I'm trying to keep the backstories the same, plus or minus the scientific method and a few characters (RIP my OCs. I want to bring you back so bad but it wouldn't fit with the thematic narrative). I've mostly kept their (starting) abilities the same, too. Without further ado, I'm going to introduce some WorldBuilding. (If I'm good at nothing else, I'm good at world building)

First off. Logically.

How are they getting Cable?

How are they getting internet?

How are they getting money to eat and stuff?

JP's answer: handwave it off. Sometimes you need to ignore logistics for the sake of plot. This is an answer I'd accept from an author that I like, such as Julie Kagawa, that makes amazing worlds, characters, and narratives that I will happily handwave a few things that wouldn't work in the real world. James Patterson, on the other hand, did not make any of that; he made a cool concept, some good rough-draft characters, and nothing else, and therefore this is an unforgivable sin.

Wasp's answer: They are not getting any of that.

Introducing Cottagecore.

The house is off the grid. Solar Panels and a wind turbine create electricity. They have their own well. They grow their own food, raise livestock for eggs, milk, and wool, and trap fish for meat. They get money through dumpster diving and pawning. They still have to steal half of the necessities they can’t make themselves. They do have a TV, but it can access about three channels on a clear day. Internet is only a thing when they go to the public library.

Giving the flock a background that’s heavy in farming and livestock rearing shores up the plot holes mentioned above, but in my opinion, ties the flock more tightly to the environment, thus giving them something tangible to lose when they have to leave the E-shaped house. Because they’re not just leaving a house and a safety net— they’re leaving their entire way of life with no promise of getting it back. It also gives them a tangible connection to the earth in case I want to actually pursue the global warming themes.

Main Characters

Maximum “Max” Ride (Birthname: nonexistent)

First off, I'm letting her be Latina, James Patterson.

In the original, Max was very much the headstrong, independent, action girl. Leaning into Strong Female Character (TM), but overall she had a strong, solid foundation and enough character consistency through the first three books for me to not have to just make an entire new character. However, I felt that she was, in some ways, a bit too Action-Girl and Strong and Capable. Yes, Max is incredible and competent, but she’s also fourteen. She’s a child.

In the rewrite, Max’s character is still headstrong, independent, capable, and sometimes not the best at listening to others. All of that’s the same. But she’s that way not because of girlboss energy, but because there’s no one else to do it. She doesn’t want to lead, necessarily. She wants to get some rest and let someone else handle the problems life keeps throwing at her. But she knows if she did that, the responsibility of leader would fall to Fang and Iggy, and she can’t ask that of them. She doesn’t want to place that burden on anyone else (Look, there’s a reason I chose Ayano’s Theory of Happiness as one of her signifier songs, okay?). Her narrative is very much centered around burden, and also around loss. She lost her cultural heritage when she was taken away from her birth family, she lost her childhood to being a leader, she lost a good deal of her friends to the school (RIP my OCs), she lost Jeb, and then she lost her stability. And she’s going to lose a lot more before the end of the story. So a lot of her character arc deals with learning that there are some things she can’t fix, some things that can’t be recovered. She can’t get the E-shaped house back. She can’t get her Little Baby Angel back, even after they rescue her. She can’t get her friends back from the school. And instead of working so hard to recover those or find something to replace them, she has to learn to live with that sense of loss and move on with her life without feeling guilty for leaving things behind. And she has to learn that asking for help and sharing her burden is selfish or weak.

Other changes I made that don’t necessarily fit into her narrative arc, but you asked for rambling so rambling you shall get:

Max hallucinates, because mental illness is also a prominent theme in the rewrite. She doesn’t have a psychotic disorder, but her C-PTSD causes visual/audio hallucinations, especially when she’s stressed or sleep deprived. 

Max ends up having a Gender Discovery throughout the story and goes by He/She pronouns eventually. I don’t know when, but it will happen.

As far as genetic modifications/special quirks go, she can fly faster than the rest of the flock, but not 300 miles per hour. She averages about sixty mph with diving speeds of 240. She cannot breathe underwater or shut down her organs on command. She also has the Super Special Power to predict the weather, but that’s not because of genetics, it’s because she has chronic pain in her right arm that gets worse when weather fronts change.

Her favored weapon is her trusty rebar that she picked up from a condemned building. I think she’s going to name it eventually but I don’t know what yet.

Fang (Birth name: Gabriel Xue)

In canon, Fang is characterized in early books by being the “dark, strong, silent type”. He’s probably the most reserved member of the flock, to the point of falling into the Brooding Mystery Man trope in parts of the book. They care a lot, but they’re not the best at conveying that, especially with the younger members of the flock, and at times their high empathy leads them to making mistakes. Despite the high empathy, he’s often compared to a robot due to his lack of expression and external emotions.

Well, first change is that they’re not a man, so jot that down—

If Max’s narrative is centered around burden and loss, I would probably say that Fang’s is centered around humanity and moving on. None of the flock was treated as human while in the school, but Fang was more often than not treated like a wild animal due to “behavioral issues”, and therefore had and continues to have a difficult time considering themselves real and alive, let alone human. This manifests through a several different ways— where in canon Fang definitely had a ‘fight’ reaction, in the re-write they have a ‘freeze’ or ‘shut down’ instinct. They’re selectively mute for multiple reasons (including derealization, jaw pain, the fact that they didn’t learn how to speak until they were 10, and genuinely forgetting it’s something they’re capable of), a period of Cotard’s syndrome, and a tendancy towards self-loathing and self-sacrifice. In short, Fang is still halfway stuck in the mindset that most of the flock grew out of when they escaped in the school, and doesn’t know how to move past it.

Much of their character arc revolves around not necessarily seeing themselves as human, but learning to treat themselves as human even when they don’t feel like one (or even feel real), and knowing that just because they don’t feel human all the time doesn’t mean anyone else can treat them the same. They never start easily expressing their emotions, and they’re always going to be selectively mute, but they learn to accept that those aspects of themself aren’t character flaws or signs that they’re sub-human. 

Other additions to Fang’s character include:

They don’t get their hair cut in New York. It stays long through the entire series. They have the longest hair in the flock by the end of the series, and they can wear it in so many styles.

Fang uses they/it pronouns because themes of reclaiming the weapons used against it and, more importantly, Gender.

They’re actually really good at spelling compared to the rest of the flock, because they and Iggy communicate with Print-On-Palm when they’re nonverbal, and they’re nonverbal for some pretty long stretches of time. 

They and Max have... zero romantic tension. At all. There is none. The number of times Max calls them her sibling/little sibling in the first arc alone is staggering, and that will not change.

Igneous “Iggy” (Birthname: Jamsetta “Jamie” Griffiths)

I’ve talked about Iggy before. Canon doesn’t give us much to go off of, but from what’s shown, he’s smart, sarcastic, has sharper edges than Fang and Max, and also has a sizable ruthless streak. So that’s what I have to go off of.

The big difference between Iggy and Fang&Max is that Iggy has a much better memory of the School. Most of the flock have areas (months or years) that they don’t remember, or people that they’ve blocked from their mind, but Iggy... doesn’t. So he’s the one that remembers all of the other AVIAN test subjects that were old enough to have names and identities but died due to complications. Max might have the burden of leadership, but he has the burden of memory. And that has lead to both a massive fucking guilt complex, because why did he survive when they didn’t, and, as mentioned above, a ruthless streak that he doesn’t shy away from.

Which is to say, by the end of the story, Iggy has the highest kill count.

I love, love writing Iggy next to Max and Fang. I love writing Iggy next to Gazzy and Nudge. Because, I say this with all of the love of the world, but Iggy is not a good person. He is loyalty and love incarnate, and the world can burn down if he and his siblings are safe. Max and Fang will always try to save as many people as they can. They will wonder what’s wrong with them the first time they kill and don’t have a mental breakdown about it. They are good in a way that Iggy is not. He’s okay with killing Erasers. He’s okay with killing humans. He’s okay with killing people who might not necessarily deserve it, if they show themselves as a threat or are simply in the blast radius. He knows perfectly well that most of those Erasers he’s murdering are four and five and he is okay with that, because a lot of the AVIANs were that age when they died. (Yeah, in the rewrite it’s not Fang who has an issue with Ari; it’s Iggy who wants the 7-year-old wolf-boy dead.) 

And this is, of course, juxtaposed with Iggy being really, really good with Nudge and Gazzy (especially in the beginning). Because, again, he actually remembers being a child. He remembers a lot of kids that died and is therefore fiercely protective of the kids that didn’t, as well as fiercely protective of the innocence that he never got. So he’s the one that cooks their favorite foods when they’re having a bad day, always makes time when they want to talk about something, and convinces Max to let them go to that toy store in New York because, yeah, he Max and Fang aren’t kids. They never were. But Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel can be. (And if he has to be a murderer to preserve that, then he’s perfectly okay with that.)

He and Angel don’t get along very well, though. The telepath doesn’t like hanging out with the person with the most clear memories of the school.

Other additions:

Iggy is trans and says trans rights

He also has paranoid episodes, because C-PTSD. Sometimes they’re very helpful. Sometimes they are not.

I actually decided that he’s one of the flock that doesn’t meet their parents. I know in canon he did, but I always found that very clunky because it didn’t add to his character. He was one of the characters who, until it was convenient for the plot, seemed to care the least about his family. I’d much rather give that to a character whose arc would benefit from it.

Iggy! Gets! Older Sibling Rights! Seriously, he’s two months younger than Fang, he is just as capable.

Iggy does not know braille because Jeb decided it wasn’t necessary for him to know. Iggy is also the best speller in the flock, because Print-on-Palm was the only way to talk to Fang for a solid year. Yes he mocks everyone over this.

Iggy is the only member of the flock that enjoys swimming and can take into the air from water. Everyone else in the flock is incredibly jealous.

Nudge (Birthname: Monique Robinson)

If Iggy is defined by his memories, Nudge is his polar opposite. She was seven when she left the School, but she has next to no memories of it. She is missing a lot of time in the first year she escaped. And that causes... a lot of things. It makes her feel disconnected from her older siblings, it gives her the ability to function in society in a way the other’s can’t, it lets her feel less grief over the ones that didn’t make it and she doesn’t remember, it makes her feel guilty that she doesn’t remember what she’s old enough to know. 

Basically, in order for me to keep the character of Nudge as I saw her (more extroverted, not afraid of the world, fascinated with humans like her siblings aren’t, desiring to fit in instead of isolate), I had to put a little bit of distance between her and the flock. Of course, she loves them— that will in no way change— but she’s old enough that she should remember the school (and her dead friends) unlike Gazzy and Angel, but she can’t, and she very much fears forgetting the flock if anything happens to them. So she’s trying desperately to keep the flock close and wants desperately to experience the world at the same time, and doesn’t know what to do when she can’t have both. That’s her biggest character conflict throughout the series, along with that in-between area where she’s not quite where her older siblings are but understands so much more than Gazzy and Angel, and where she stands in that.

So yeah. Nudge’s journey is that in looking for belonging in the world, in her family, and in herself.

This is why she’s one of the ones that gets to find her parent, James Patterson. 

Other additions include:

She never straightens her hair. Never. Her resources at the E-shaped house aren’t perfect, but she still has learned how to take care of her hair and has a few styles she cycles through.

She becomes the default person Max sics on people when the flock is trying to befriend them. Also their de-facto diplomat around strangers.

As in canon, she does take some time away from the flock to expirience ‘normal life’. This does not last long due to the stress of being separated from her siblings/not being able to help them and [REDACTED]

Nudge is... not the only person in her head. I’m not focusing on it much because she doesn’t actually know and neither does the flock (I don’t know if they ever figure it out during the series, either), but she has dissociative identity disorder. She’s not aware of her alter(s?). Her alter isn’t super aware of her, either. 

The alter that I’ve developed is named Oxy and is not super aware of the outside world. In her eyes, she’s still seven and they’re still at the School. She would not recognize the body as her own if she looked in a mirror.

Nudge actually leaves the flock for a while to pursue her dream of living a normal life. She deserves it. She learns how to make muffins and the basics of software development. These things are unrelated.

Gasman (Birthname: No first name, surname “Falk”)

Honestly, writing Gazzy is kind of hard for me. Partially because I’m not great at writing kids, and partially because I feel like he’s a pretty surface-level character in-series that... isn’t super compelling in canon. But even if that’s the case, I try to treat all of my characters with respect, so here we go. In my rewrite, he escaped when he was four, which was half a lifetime ago for him, so his memories are ill-defined. Therefore, he managed to circumvent a lot of the trauma that the rest of the kids have, and not in the way Nudge did, which is by creating an elaborate blockage in her memories. 

Which means Gazzy... really doesn’t know how to deal with all of this traumatic stuff happening. So much of his development turns out to be a coming-of-age narrative. Learning how to deal with the horrors of what his siblings grew up with. Learning the fears that they had the entire time. Losing his innocence when everyone around him never had it in the first place, and being so terribly alone because of it. Because, really, how can you explain such a deep loss to people who never had what he had? How can they help in a way that matters?

Also, relationship-wise, I’m slowly deteriorating the relationship between him and Iggy. Slowly. Or, changing it, at least. Gazzy hero-worships Iggy in-series, and for good reason, because Iggy is super cool, especially in the eyes of an eight-year-old, and especially when Iggy has taken care to cultivate parts of his behaviors to be child-friendly. Part of growing up is seeing the flaws in your heroes, and Gazzy has to learn how to deal with it. End of the series Gazzy is much less closer to Iggy than beginning of the series Gazzy, and neither of them are really okay with that, but they learn to live with it, because that’s really all they can do.

Notes:

I’m keeping the mimickry! It plays a bit of a bigger role because that’s how Gazzy learned to talk. I’m debating whether or not he has his own voice or if he just borrows the flock’s as he sees fit. He also uses it to scream really loudly and occaisonally burst the eardrums of Erasers.

At one point he cosplays as Jessica Jones. No you don’t get any more context than this.

He has a horrible sense of fashion.

I’m changing his name eventually because it sucks. He’s either going to change it to Gannet, Garrison, or Ivy Mike temporarily, and permanently to Zephyr. (I never said I was going to make his name GOOD, because he’s eight, but it’s changing. You’re welcome.)

Angel (Birthname: No first name, surname “Falk”)

It’s just... a completely different character, at this point. I’ve changed so many things about her in an attempt to make her consistent and act like a six-year-old and work in the whole “telepath before she has a solid sense of identity”, so it’s a different character. Also, I’m tired of writing coherently or in paragraphs, so have some interesting facts.

She has epilepsy! Super severe epilepsy! I think she might also develop juvenile MS in the future because her brain has so many scars from being a fucking six-year-old telepath. There’s no way she could get out of that unscathed.

She has more memories of the school than Gazzy, but only because she keeps accidentally reading the minds of Max, Fang, and Iggy. On a related note, she interacts with Iggy as little as possible.

The mind reading means that she has a hard time developing as a normal child with a normal sense of identity or reality. She can’t tell how much people are individual people and how much they’re just extensions of her. Conversely, she can’t tell how much of herself is actually her instead of the thoughts/opinions/identities of someone else. It’s... kinda fucked? But also super not-her-fault. 

She’s albino because white wings. Also, because I thought it was cool. This also means that her vision sucks, though. Also she has the biggest straw sunhat and the most stylish sunglasses a six-year-old can have.

She’s responsible for Max shaving her hair off.

She has the highest swear count because I think it’s funny. She’s the only person allowed to say the fuck word in writing. Everyone else can only say ‘hell’ and the occasionally ‘damn’ but she can say whatever she wants for dramatic and comedic value.

She is NOT THE FUCKING VOICE, J*MES P*TTERSON.

Honorable Mentions

Jeb

I’m skipping Jeb because of how little I care about him. He’s a little bitch, next character.

Ari

STILL HASN’T BEEN REVEALED AS AN ERASER. I’ve been writing for 50,000 words and he’s over here saying ‘nope nope not yet, not dramatic enough’. He’s had speaking lines but has refused to make himself known to Max. I am so frustrated with this seven-year-old wolf-child that I’ve already considered how I would kill him, if I decide I want to kill yet another child in my writing.

So, my main thoughts for Ari is that he... really just drew the short end of the stick in every possible way. While Jeb didn’t sign him up for Eraser expirimentation, he didn’t do anything to stop it, and pretty much cut his losses when he realized this expiriment made a wreck of his ‘perfect, unflawed’ son, because Jeb doesn’t consider children of any species to actually be humans. So, Ari really hates his dad, which makes things complicated, because he also really loves his dad and really wants his approval. 

Which means that he also really hates Max, because she’s the child that always got Jeb’s time and attention, even when Ari was human. I think, on some level, he knows that trying to tear Max down to a less-favored level isn’t actually going to help his situation— infighting for the love of an abusive parent won’t make them any less abusive— but he’s also seven, and his development is already severely stunted due to becoming an Eraser, and he doesn’t see ‘leaving ITEX’ as an option like the Flock does. ITEX is his everything. It’s all he’s ever known, and they tell him he’s doing the right thing, and he wants them to love him. He wants his father to love him. He knows that if he ever questions ITEX, his father will never love him. So it must be his older sister that’s ruining his life and being a horrible child, and once Ari drags her back down to his level, Jeb will realize who the best child is and love him properly again.

Ari, on an even deeper level, does care for Max quite a bit, because she’s his older sister and he wants that to mean something in a way that ‘Jeb being his father’ obviously doesn’t. He wants what she made for herself, and he hates the Flock because she loves them and obviously doesn’t love him. 

Ari, if anything, is the product of neglect, and both loves and hates everyone who shows a chance of caring about him. And he’s seven, so he can’t notice these patterns, let alone break them.

So. Notes!

He doesn’t look like an adult. I thought that was gross and unnecessary. He’s seven, but he looks closer to thirteen or fourteen. Still young enough that he looks like every Eraser’s little brother, and the Erasers high-key treat him like it.

On a related note, he’s the only Eraser who can talk. The others don’t have the mental capacity or vocal structure to replicate human speech, but they can understand language (at about the level of a two or three year old) and are very good at nonverbal communication. This is why Ari managed to climb the ranks despite only having three years of “service” and also looking like a tween.

He doesn’t have an expiration date because that is SUCH a stupid plot point.

I’m giving him a chainsaw! I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but he deserves to have a chainsaw and GODDAMN I will give it to him.

Emergency and Gene

The OCs that I love and also killed pre-series. They don’t have any scenes, because they’re dead, but their deaths greatly effected Max, Fang, and Iggy, and they are very commonly referenced. Their voices are probably Max’s most common hallucination, to the point where she sometimes pretends they’re ghosts that she can talk to. They’re not ghosts. They’re dead.

Dr. Valencia Martinez

I’m actually keeping her pretty close to canon— loving, supportive, the type of person to take in a gsw victim with minimal questions. The difference is that rather than kindness fueling her actions, it’s incredible guilt. She has three goals surrounding Max: Give her as much support in any way she can, teach her as much about chicane culture as possible, and never let Max know that she’s her birth parent.

(She’s probably going to fail at AT LEAST two of those, but it’s the thought that counts.)

Notes:

She has a pet fox named Robin Hood that she rescued from an exotic animal salesman that got arrested.

I think I’m going to kill her. I don’t know yet, but it’s on the table.

Anne Walker

Y’know, the fake FBI Agent. Who’s not actually a fake in my story because I hated that plot point. She’s genuinely an FBI agent who put the Flock into pseudo-witness-protection in order to build a case against the Institute of Higher Living, accidentally got attached to her prime witnesses, raised them for a few months, realized a [SPOILER] and promptly had to let them get the hell out dodge.

I really like the Anne Walker that lives in my head. She is a VITAL part of the Flock’s development, their mental/emotional recovery, and adding to their safety net to fall back on. She serves them as their first adult role model, and is the first adult to show them what parent/child are supposed to look like from a healthy perspective. Though she has several fuck ups, she becomes someone that the Flock genuinely trusts and loves, which makes it all the more difficult for them to leave when [REDACTED].

Notes:

She and Max do butt heads initially, because Max is paranoid and also afraid of becoming uneeded. This ends up being incredibly important because Max needs to learn how to live and find meaning in life without being the designated Leader/Parent/Big Sister

Anne, at one point, sits the entire flock down to teach them about consent, which was something no one ever talked about with them before. She goes in talking specifically about consent in a romantic/sexual sense (because they’re fourteen and that’s something they need to know), but quickly turns into a full-fledged no, people are NOT allowed to do that to you, what the FUCK.

She’s responsible for giving the flock a laptop. It’s because Angel is online schooled (bc telepathy makes actually learning difficult) and was therefore provided with a computer.

Anne is also allowed to swear, but only when it’s funny.

Michael “Grey” Rivers

Aka Grey from the Sewers Aka GR3Y H47 Aka Mike from the Bronx Aka Gifted Child Syndrome Incarnate Aka Would-be-in-MIT-if-his-parents-weren’t-horrible. He’s my son, your honour.

Basically, his backstory boils down to him being a genius, getting into MIT at 14, his (horrible) parents wanting a perfect child who could “make it out” of the Bronx and represent his family/neighborhood/borough to the world. When he inevitably failed their expectations due to stress, a schizophrenic-spectrum disorder that completely alienated him from the rest of his support network, and refusing to take his psych meds because the side effects were horrible and they made it harder to think (and therefore pass his classes), they kicked him out. He fully intends to go back to MIT when he turns 18 and has control of his finances/scholarships/medication/therapy.

So that’s how the flock meets him. 

Mike ends up in a very prominent support role for the flock both in technological persuits (helping them track their parents, helping them get information from ITEX, trying to disable Max’s chip and failing multiple times until it becomes a matter of personal honour—), in helping the older members of the flock figure out how to deal with hallucinations/delusions (because he’s actually been to therapy, unlike them), and in being one of the only people who talks to them and helps them without any ulterior motive. He’s not trying to build a case against ITEX/The Institute of Higher Learning, he’s not double crossing them, he’s not plagued with guilt. He just genuinely wants to help them, and they genuinely want to help him, and that’s their first introduction to a healthy, non-codependent relationship.

My many disorganized notes on Michael Rivers:

He’s from specifically Morris Heights, Bronx, NYC.

He would say that his last name is actually Rivera, but his grandparents changed it to Rivers so it would sound more English, and his family has been in America for so long that he doesn’t know much about any Latino heritage he may or may not have. He identifies as African American, not Afro-Latino. He’s just bitter that his family felt the need to change their surname to have better opportunities in New York.

Nudge aggressively befriends him pretty much the moment she meets him, bullies him into teaching her how to code, and he very quickly adopts her as his pseudo-little-sister.

His delusions in the book seemed to involve government conspiracies, but as that’s the one delusion that is proved correct in the book, I’ve decided it would be best if his delusions and reality intersected a bit less if I don’t want to write him having a manic/paranoid episode in the second scene he has screen time. So his delusions are more based on “none of this is real”, “someone is recording everything I do and setting me up to fail” and “my ill-wishes on people can and will come true if I dwell on them too long.”. Government conspiracies are one of things he is skeptical about because he thinks most conspiracies are either “CIA admitted to this twenty years ago” or “antisemitism”.

He’s taking online free college classes that don’t actually give him any college credit, but they have good information and help him feel like he’s working towards something. He plans to double major in computer sciences and electrical engineering, minor in marine biology. He’s wanted to join NOAA since he was twelve and he is nothing if not stubborn.

There you go. These are my characters, now. I have custody.

[mxpseudonym]

Just Good Business III

Pairing: Tommy x Reader

Reader Gender Expression: She/Her pronouns, “wife”

Summary: Reminding Tommy that he didn’t marry a fool was the greatest thing to happen to your bedroom.

Length: 1650 words (allegedly)

Warnings: 18+, sex, hints of rough sex, cursing, and as usual, underlying tones of forced/arranged marriage

A/N: There’s a forehead kiss and a sprinkling of Dom!Tommy in here for your patience! I am pretty sure I’m going to have this be a total of five parts. Part IV may not come right away because I’m in the middle of a WIP though.

Part I | Part II | Part IV

Reminding Tommy that he hadn't married a fool set several things in motion. First and foremost, you and Polly managed to successfully persuade your husband into conducting family business, not that it was hard. You knew London quite well, and one glance at the Eden Club's books had you asking Arthur if he could count to ten. Much of the above-board dealings in London were now your responsibility- properties, charities, and a social life that allowed you to see your friends more often.

Unfortunately, this meant regularly making the trip to Birmingham for the family meetings you'd been avoiding. It wasn't so much the meetings as it was Birmingham itself. One has no great hopes of Birmingham, as they say. However, there was a significant consolation that made it all worth it. 

Tommy Shelby, in action, turned you on. 

Actually, it was one of many things about Tommy that turned you on. With Tommy's guilt out of the way, you saw him around the house more. He came to bed, albeit late, nearly every night, and you got at least two breakfasts out of him a week. Along with finding that Tommy was much funnier than he let on when he wasn't talking about work, you also noticed that you had much in common. Tommy was as stubborn and prideful as you were. After six months, you still credited happenings between you with a desire to conduct good business- and business was excellent. Stubbornness, pride, your appetite for adventure, and Tommy's addiction to risk resulted in one shameless, exciting sex life.

You'd had partners before. Why deny yourself the world's physical pleasures? But while none could keep up with your desire to find and push boundaries, Tommy had mastered it. You thought you'd have to ease him into it, but it really just took you asking, "What are you going to do, Thomas? Spank me?" while bickering to get you on the same page. 

Not that Tommy wasn't enjoying himself as well. He'd met his match in his back talking, neck biting, hair pulling new wife he could hardly bring himself to say no to. What was coming to work late more often or your hands down his trousers while driving the Bentley in the grand scheme of things? 

So at the Birmingham family meetings, there was something about the way he was no-nonsense when he firmly told you where to sit and give updates when asked. If you were both being honest, while you loved taking orders from Tommy in the bedroom sometimes, you were on the fast track to giving them too. For now, you watched with thighs pressed together, and bottom lip pulled between teeth as he commanded the room. 

After Arthur wrapped up the meeting, you'd meant to mingle with your sister in law, but were quickly distracted. Ada didn't need to follow your gaze to know what was stopping you from listening to a word she said. 

"Good god, stop staring at my brother like that," Ada pleaded. You looked at her only long enough to say, 

"I almost wish I could say I was sorry." You had just caught Tommy's eye and smiled. "He can be quite good looking." 

"Ugh, okay, he's coming over here. I'm going to find Finn," Ada scoffed, then all but ran away only to have Tommy replace her.  

"Can I help you?" he asked, amusement evident in his voice. You chuckled and looked up at him.  

"You're already spoiling me, Mr. Shelby. What more could I ask for?" 

"I'm sure you have a list," Tommy said. You plucked his cigarette from between his fingers and took a pull.  

"As a matter of fact, I do."

"Should I make you beg for it?" 

"I don't beg," you said, defiant as ever. Tommy rolled his eyes but moved closer. You could feel the warmth of his wool suit, and it matched the heat that was rising to your cheeks. 

"Then what do you call what you were doing the other day in my office?" Tommy asked. You thought for a moment then smirked. 

"Minding my manners. Please and thank you, Sir," you said, making him laugh. 

"Oi, stop flirting on come on," John yelled in partial disgust from where the family was gathering near the door. 

"Yeah, yeah, we're coming," you shooed him. You gave Tommy a knowing look as you grabbed your bag to join the group at the Garrison. 

"Gonna tell me not to get any ideas?" He asked. 

"Of course not. Get as many ideas as you can from here to that pub." You pointed a stern finger at him. 

"Yes, ma'am." 

Tommy had long given up trying to get a grasp on what to expect from you. 

"God only knows what's going on up there," he'd say while tapping your temple. 

But nothing surprised him more than your absolute willingness to have him any time, anywhere. 

"Skirts hike up for a reason, Thomas," You once told him in the stables. Tommy had yet to find a good enough argument against that, so here you were, shushing him through breathy laughs as he almost tumbled into you. 

It was a busy night at the Garrison, and it wasn't hard to leave your group to find the back room. Now you were pressed up against a shelf that wasn't nearly sturdy enough. Tommy's pants were unbuckled in a hasty moment, and your knickers were pulled aside, and you were both stifling your moans. 

"Oh god, fuck, Tommy, how do you always feel so good?" You asked, your grip already in his hair. He groaned at the question and thrust deeper.  

"You're the one always warm and wet for me, aren't you?" He squeezed the flesh of your bottom, making you moan. He quickly relocated you further into the dark and onto a crate. "Such a naughty little thing I've got on my hands."  

"Just the way you like it." You bit his ear as you played with fire. His thrusts got hard and deep, earning more high pitched moans from you until he pressed a hand over your mouth. He kept his grip firm, just how you liked and spoke in your ear. 

"I'm giving you what you asked for with all of these people just out there. Do you want them to hear you?" He leaned back to see you nod. Of course, you did. Tommy shook his head as he chuckled. By the sound of your yearning moan, he just knew you were pouting beneath his palm.

"I know love, but when we get home, you can be as loud as you want. You can let the maids hear you, what was it? Minding your manners for me. How's that sound?" You accepted his counteroffer with a nod and was rewarded with Tommy moving his hand. He relished in the smeared lipstick that was now on your chin before adjusting his grip on you. 

"Now, be good, and stay quiet for me." 

Tommy had to give you credit for carrying out your version of quiet. You forfeited your usual words of encouragement and panted hotly in his ears, a whimper or moan periodically coming forth.  

"Tom," You pleaded his name under your breath. His grip tightened around your waist, and you knew it would bruise, which only shoved you that much closer to the edge.  

"That's a good girl," he praised you, knowing what it did to you. In this case, it made your thighs tighten around him. "So good, you can tell me where you want it. Should I make you walk around with me all over your face?" 

He felt you shiver and swallow a moan that came out like a sob. His thumb reached between them, and it only took a few circles of your clit to send you over. 

"Oh fuck," You bucked against him as you came. Tommy's eyes squeezed close while you kissed his neck. It was truly incredible, you had to admit. You knew he was close and you had to decide. "In me."

"In you?" He repeated, not fully registering anything as he got closer. 

"I want you in me, Tom. Please," you said again. You kissed him, then pulled back to look in his eyes. "I'm begging you." 

You loved watching him come undone. Even in the low light, you took in his parted lips, creased brow, and flushed cheeks. He rested his forehead against yours for a moment before you pulled away and began putting yourselves back together.  

"I'm excited to go home if you keep your word," you said, leaning against the crate while Tommy pulled out a cigarette. 

You quietly smoked and thought about how strange this was. Before it was sprung on you, being married was something you hadn't expected anytime soon. Being married to someone you actually enjoyed was a fate every woman you knew hoped for but knew not to anticipate. And here you were with both a marriage and an enjoyable husband. 

"What's wrong?" Tommy asked, tossing away his cigarette. He brought his hand up to stroke your cheek, but you caught it and observed the silver band around his finger instead, running your thumb over the metal. 

"Do you like this?" Your eyes lifted to meet his. "The ring?" 

The ring, the marriage, what was the difference? He smirked then turned his hand, interlacing your fingers. 

"So much that I think there must have been a mix up of fortune. A better man should have it, maybe." He said, then kissed your forehead and started towards the door. "Come now, I think I'll let you walk around with me dripping out of you for at least a half-hour."

"I may just have to give you a proper thank you on the ride home then, Sir." 

Tommy expertly ignored questions about his whereabouts from his brothers and knowing looks from his sister, all while holding your hand. You smiled to yourself and thought, 

I have a crush on you, Tommy Shelby. 

--

Tommy Tag List: @soleil-dor; @amysteryspot​

JGB Series Tag List: @biba3434

[sixstepsaway]

Writeblr/Artblr/Tumblr Introduction 2022

Hi, hello, I am Jess. I'm 29, mostly femme, any/all pronouns you literally cannot fuck my pronouns up, you also can't misgender me lmao, ADHD and autistic, and I've been on Tumblr since... Oh no. I must have been 16 or 17? Yikes. 2009, ish. With different blogs. I find it hard to maintain multiple social medias and have mostly been doomscrolling Twitter for a few years, but I always end up coming back to tumblr, I guess and let's just say my page is, right now, a bit of a WIP again because things have changed since 2020.

Anyway I am a Jess of all Trades, I do a little bit of pretty much everything. I draw, I write, I code, I do videos-- honestly, I do too much to list, so let's do some sub-lists.

About Me:

I am pro-ship, pro-expression, pro-fiction, anti-capitalism, anti-radfem, pro-kink, anti-terf and anti-swerf and big time anti-censorship. I don't believe that just because GRRM writes about twins murdering children he thinks twins should go murder children. It's art. It's a book. I believe that fiction is often an escape. Fiction is not reality.

If you don't agree with that you likely won't enjoy my blog or my work? So yeah.

I'm also hecking queer as heck and make it everyone else's problem, much like my hyperfixations, I believe in practicing radical kindness though I don't believe in being nice to the detriment of myself and others (for example I like helping out when I can if I see a GFM or something like that, but if someone tells me to Kay Why Ess I'm going to tell them to go fuck themselves with a cactus, ya know?), and I'm constantly working on my mental health and my life outlook.

What I Write:

♥ Speculative fiction (sci-fi, fantasy, superheroes etc) ♥ Queer. I might write M/F relationships sometimes, but all my work is queer at its core. ♥ Genre-bending/mixing: I love a good space romcom or fantasy slice of life or whatever. I like mixing it up. ♥ Long AF/Episodic: Most of my work runs long and written like reading a TV series. All my work has 'volumes', a lot of them have 'parts'. Runners, for example, is three parts each with three volumes a piece. ♥ Often 'problematic'. I like dark fiction as well as happy fun times! ♥ Fanfic. Usually E-rated.

My Current WIPs:

🌿 RUNNERS : Believing them to be their saviors in a time of war, the mages of a land of myth and magic known as Aosi summon four young adults to their world to fight their battles for them.

🌈 THE RAINBOW LEAGUE : It's been known since superpowered individuals first showed up that 'all supers are gay', be they superheroes or supervillains. When Kyle Jordan Kramer discovers his abilities at the ripe age of 16 and has no doubts in his mind that he is, in fact, heterosexual and cisgender, the only superhero group that will have him is the 0.5 star rated 'Rainbow League', a group made up of every jaded superhero that's ever had enough of the life of super-ing. Determined to turn the poorly rated group around and make it something special, he embarks upon a journey of discovery for himself and drags those around him along for the ride.

🏴‍☠️ QUARTZ SHORES: The seas have risen and a new golden age of piracy is upon the world. Captain of the Cursed Cutlass, Evie Quartz is devastated to discover one day that the one person she trusted above all else, her first mate, Robert Deniau, has seized the loot from their last few hauls and made off into the mist. Hunting him down and retrieving the gold becomes the prime objective of the ship, but when the Cursed Cutlass makes berth at an equally cursed vacation island, things soon get out of hand.

💞 MY SOUL REMEMBERS: It's been 21 long years since the death of Elizabeth and Damien's sire, Sebastian, and finally they've found his soul, reincarnated into the body of a young woman desperately trying to keep her family afloat after the untimely demise of her parents. It was simple once, to imagine forcing the soul to roll back to Sebastian and reunite the group as they're meant to be, but faced with Jazz and her small group of kids all reliant on her and her alone to see their next meal, Elizabeth and Damien are forced to confront the question: How far will they go to see their Sebastian again?

🤖 WHITE SCAR: Rescuing Alec has been Danni's prime objective for as long as she can remember, but once he's back within her grasp and safe once more, what happens next? Luckily for Danni, her rescue of Alec is primed to begin a chain of events that she may not be able to stop…

🚀 BOUNTY: Melanie Day was rich, spoiled and trying to find her own place in the world, up until the day her parents died. Now depressed and struggling more than ever, she might just be grateful when a group of alien bounty hunters inadvertently kidnap her and take her out amongst the stars.

CURRENTLY POSTING/IN EDITS:

🌻 FARM HANDS: Trying to keep her dead parents' farm from going under, Ashley West takes on a rich and famous uptown boarder who is hiding from a stalker. [This has already begun posting and you can find the links to reading it in my sidebar! ♥]

What Else I Do:

I'm a freelance editor always looking for new clients. I try to be affordable while also providing a good service.

I also make book covers!

And I draw!

I'm branching out into painted book covers this year, I hope.

My Current Fandoms:

My fandoms come and go because of my ADHD, but my current loves are:

• Our Flag Means Death (blackbonnet, izzy hands, and generally the whole crew have my heart) • Doctor Who (9, 11 and 12, haven't watched 13 yet, I tend to fall behind) • The X Files (Mulder/Scully/Skinner canon triad polyamory YOU CAN FIGHT ME ON THIS BUT I'M RIGHT) • The Untamed/MDZS (wangxian, xiyao, chengxian) • Word of Honor (wenzhou, gx surviving the show) • Guardian/Zhen Hun (weilan! I'm reading the book too)

Misc Other Loves:

Crafting, painting, bullet journaling, tarot/stuff like that, sewing, knitting, collecting notebooks I'll never use, animals (I have pet indoor house ducks (UK has bird flu rn), pls ask to see them, I desperately love showing them off), candles, video games (loving Hades at the moment, and Green Hell), and falling into endless YouTube holes.

Follow Me If:

You like any of this, I suppose? If you're interested in my work, which I'd like to post a lot of honestly, but I always forget. I'm hoping to get my ADHD medicated in the next couple of months, so my writing should uptick!

Talk To Me If:

Same as the above! Please send me asks. Interact with me. I am but a queer little goblin person who longs to be spoken to like a zoo attraction.

Okay, that's about it. End captain's log or whatever.

[faorism]

Hey!! just saw your post about the awkward 'meet the fam' dinner fic, have you written that? if so where can I find it cause that sounds AMAZING. Thanks!!

[long post / wip snippet and because of that the h/c is hurt/no comfort]

i assume you are talking about this post, about an offshoot of my notp series wherein maria doesnt break up with eliot and legit lesbian-centric semi-nonsexual throuples him with her primary yolie, and then sophie makes eliot bring his partners to a family dinner but it goes south very face because eliot, parker, and hardison are soulmates obviously and maria is like... so... the fuck?

the answer is no i haven't written it! (i didn't even have that post saved in a doc yet, but! i just did.) i am partway through a ot3 LR canon adjacent fic (previewed here) and a harry/eliot pwp (i know i know).

but! i have notes about the Revolving POV awk meet the fam dinner. one moment i really thought through is from hardison's pov which would go like:

between courses the group has a little bit of a break because it's hot and to let things digest a bit, so everyone is drinking and mingling outside the order of sitting at the long table. one of these times yolie is loudly laughing with eliot and bre and emily, saying to the couple: im serious! this is a lesbian huddle we got here like pls let me convince you of the beauty of eliots dykeness. and yolie does that thing where you grab someone's chin and shake it a bit. which eliot allows. with. out. a. fuss.

eliot rolls his eyes. shes been on a year long campaign on this. at this point i might have to agree just so she can stop with the powerpoints

yolie is like, eliot listened to her first indigo girls song last week and she even liked it I'm so proud.

and alec is floored. because it's so sweet and funny and clearly its affirming for eliot on some level. but. the gender stuff wasnt something even remotely on his radar for eliot. and even if it was, hardison would have never pushed it like yolie clearly does. which... eliot even told them that yolie can be brash with her jokes and just to ignore her; but... there's something to the ease eliot accepts yolie playing around with his pronouns, and eliot's smile at yolie as she goes on about her Proof, and how apparently maria couldnt stand yolie's first attempt at powerpoint design so she made it all fancy for eliot and...

alec plays so safe with eliot about queer stuff and romance and everything and.... now theres ppl in eliots life that will challenge him in ways alec didnt even anticipate. and he feels so gross that hes upset but hes also so upset.

alec just wants eliot so much and he just let eliot slip through his fingers for eight years. and he can accept that. but what breaks hardison is seeing an eliot that is not his, (potentially) changing in some beautiful and significant way without alec to witness it, and that.... hurts. they're... they're not changing together.

alec was standing next to harry when this went down who is like ohhhhh boy you..... look like you're gonna... hey let's step outside okay????

harry needs to console a wrecked alec who is like, ooooh nooo eliot Doesn't Love Me But Can Love Those Two i guess????? okay?? (information that was faculty when it was picked up and definitely now years out of date in any case.) i... just thought... i was always hoping, yknow. that he would change his mind. he knows i still.. i always will... i just hoped, y'know?

harry hasnt gotten an eliot monologue about how much he loves parker and hardison that night (yet) and Has Learned from holding out for his ex wife. so he tells alec: im so sorry. :( yeah its hard to let go. and harry and alec are trying to get alec to accept that possibility that this truly is it. that this is the night he has to give that hope up. that dream. eliot isnt even with parker any more. he really has moved on. harry is like: give yourself tonight, hardison. let yourself really be in this space. tomorrow... tomorrow is a new day to start. but i wont tell anyone if you hold out for tonight, even if you are being rude to maria and yolanda. just blame jetlag! i do it all the time :')

alec nods because the logic is sound and he accepts a very kind hand on his shoulder pat from harry.

[zet-sway]

@the-wip-project day 35:

I don't know what today's question is but I gotta write a wall of text about what happened last night because holy shit

I was on the verge of falling asleep and, like I usually do, I decided to hunt for some spicy fanfics to read on my phone. I found one.

All my posts are long but this one is real fucking long. CW for touching on dub-con and injury mentioned in the type of context it probably shouldn't be.

It's time for me to admit that not only am I a oneshot writer, I'm also a oneshot reader. I am drawn to short fanfics. If I click on a chaptered fic, it's (usually) because it's rated E for smut and I'll go in with every intention of skimming it for the spicy bits. I'm not proud of this. I've avoided saying this for years because I don't want to disappoint people who work hard on their very long and well thought out chaptered stories. I have a short attention span, and I know what I want.

But anyway, last night I clicked on a fic with 5 chapters and some amount of words, around 30k? Long, by my standards, but I was tired and I just wanted something to read while I dozed off.

This particular fic hooked me in, though. I still skimmed it, but the writing was so unique in a way that made me writhe with writer's envy and admiration. Whoever wrote this had their own language - nothing borrowed - their own vision.

I guess I should tell the good people who read my posts (ya'll, seriously, thank you) that the fic in topic is called Fault Lines by Recidiva on AO3. I would link to it but uhhhh I may be using my work PC for "extracurricular purposes" right this moment ^^; so maybe when I get home I'll remember to add it.

I skimmed it - like I said above - for the spicy parts. It generally follows the plot of Bioware's canon. Thane begins as possessive and manipulative, likely uncomfortably close to dub-con for a lot of people. He kisses her and knows full well that his kiss will make her willing but intoxicated, and how he will use that to fulfil himself. But as the story progresses, he falls in love. Their relationship is what I'll call "edgy." Both of them are renegades. There's a scene where they get down in the shuttle after a fight and they're both still injured and it borders on downright unrealistic but fuck it, it's fanfic and I bought it. However their relationship develops a certain heart-wrenching tenderness. She asks him what Siha means over and over again, and eventually tells him she thinks "bitch" when he says it. But in that moment they have a playful banter, he knows full well she's probably already looked it up on the extranet, and they fall into bed together. The smut is mind-boggling.

By the time it gets to Shepard's arrest, he's taken up a place on Earth and visits her, breaks into her house arrest. There's a scene where they see each other for the first time in a while, she tells him how much she's missed his mouth and how it's not right how bad she wants him, and wants him bad enough to smother him with affection. She says something to the effect of "if you're looking to die, I'd volunteer to be the cause," implying that her lust is powerful enough to endanger his life. And it was at this moment I realized I fucked up.

It's established that I live in my own headcanon and I'm not burdened with considering the end of Thane's life as part of my fics. And the suspension of disbelief was such that I forgot he doesn't make it. So at this moment in the fic, chapter 4 out of 5, I realized "Oh shit this isn't going to have a happy ending." I skipped to the end right away, I wanted to confirm my fears.

In their final exchange, she asks him to lie to her - something that's repeated in other chapters of the story. I forget what he says, I was reading desperately, but he asks her in return to tell him something true. She kisses him and tells him she loves him, and he breathes his last breath with the lingering tingle of their kiss to carry him to the other side.

I was so entrenched in the depth of their relationship up to that point. The level of fathomless love the author conveyed, unlike anything I've ever managed to write before, but more realistic to my own understanding of love as I've experienced it. Not because they're renegades, but just the selflessness with which they feel, communicate, banter, and make love.

When I read that last paragraph, something inside me broke. That sounds dramatic but that's honestly how I would describe it. It felt like waking up from a night terror, when you bolt up in bed from a dream so bad you immediately get up even if it's 4am because nothing feels real and you're so terrified you have to get up and do something - literally anything to take your mind off it, to ease you back into reality. I put my phone down and stared into the darkness of my bedroom and told myself "it's just a fanfic, no need to get upset." And then I started to cry and I didn't stop for 30 minutes.

My husband was downstairs watching Bohemian Rhapsody and I went down there and wrapped myself around him so tight and cried. Bless this man, from the bottom of my heart - bless him - for his unfathomable kindness. I felt like a fucking fool because I was crying over fanfiction but he paused his movie and just listened while I tried to articulate how it wasn't exactly about the character death, or the characters at all, it was just the writing and how it wormed into my brain so convincingly. I felt the loss like it was my own loss. I am terrified of losing my husband. So many feelings coalesced and I realized one day I may be in that situation, kissing the man I love goodbye for the last time, never to hold him again. I'm at work right now and I'm tearing up because it's so hard.

I tip my hat to the author, but I genuinely wished I hadn't read that fanfic. And isn't it kind of funny after that grandstand I took yesterday about not wanting to write the pain of loss and grief, that I ended up reading it instead and probably fucking myself up just as badly, if not worse, than if I had tried to write it myself?

It gets worse, too. Because it got me thinking about my own writing, and how I could never hope to achieve what that author did. So I sat there crying out my painfeelings while simultaneously feeling like a shit writer and like nothing I put out matters. I got up from the couch, sat down at my PC and picked up where I left off in the Omega DLC in ME3 because video games are great for taking the mind off things. It didn't exactly help with the intensity I'd hoped for, but I managed to fall asleep, by 3am.

Fast forward to this morning. I dragged my sorry ass out of bed 4 hours later and drove to work. By some fucking miracle, no one is here right now except our field director. And I'm stewing in how this one fic really fucked me up bad, reconsidering everything. I feel like I've been put in my place.

So what changed?

Yesterday I posted about how I'm struggling to write a plotline. I know what happens, but I'm not interested in the little bits that tie it together. I want to write the romance. I think there's a way to write the plot and the romance at the same time, but it's damn hard.

I started doing this because I wanted to grow my skills as a writer, and I knew it might be more than I could chew. I'm at that moment now where I'm about ready to give up.

Even if I felt like a shit writer last night (and still kinda do this morning), I know that the stuff I've put out has value. We can't all write these epically tragic smut-romance-renegades-to-lovers tales, we'd all be sad all the damn time. There's a time and a place and - I would argue - even a need for lighterhearted fic out there. There are really no rules. I'm confident in what I know how to do.

But the plot. Fuck it, man. I think maybe I'm trying too hard to be something I'm not. I'm trying really hard to write like other people. I may have mentioned before that I saw a post about how many artists spend their time pining for the skills of others, thinking "wow, when I can draw like that, I'll have made it as an artist." That same post cautioned against this, basically saying you already have your own unique style, it's just harder to see through the lens of your own eyeballs. It's fine to challenge yourself but try to acknowledge what you do that sets you apart already. I feel like I have that something - maybe not to the extent that I wish, but I have something.

So what's the point of the plot? Why do I need to tell my readers how I cured Keprals? I'm asking myself important questions here. I like to think I've come up with ideas that no one else has, but as I said above, I don't read a lot of chaptered fics. I very well may have come to the same ideas as other writers and I'm not even aware of it. I don't know if my ideas are unique but I still arrived at them all by myself.

The challenge here - the thing I'm struggling so much with - is how to put them together with the same elegance of my fellow writers. I'm looking at you, shrios fam (yeah I'm calling you that, yall know who you are). I know I can write words, but it's like I have a bunch of pieces from completely different jigsaw puzzles and I'm struggling to make a new picture out of them. I struggle with the transitions between them.

The point here is I have to find my own way. And I have to stop taking myself so seriously. In fact this level of "seriousness" is one of the things that got me into so much angst over World of Warcraft over the last two years. At least I know how to recognize it.

I have to find my own way. I have my own things that are worth sharing. The author I read last night had a language all their own, and I have a language all my own too. Their wordplay was actually more choppy than I would ever write. I've talked before about how I'm scared of starting too many sentences with pronouns, how I maybe write too many run-on sentences, whatever. This author did that with reckless abandon. It worked for them. So if they can make that shit work, I can make my own shit work.

I have to find my own way.

My most current WIP is Thane and Shepard's first time. I've been working on it pretty nonchalantly because I hadn't intended to publish it until I built up to it. It takes place further into my timeline, and it would probably ruin the point of a slow burn if I put it out there now. There are some really memorably moments in this WIP, and there are other moments that need to be smoothed over as well. I never knew what I'd really imagined for their first time but I think I've mostly developed something that's unique in its own right, and I think will be fun for people to read.

I'm just so fucking torn over what to do with it. I feel guilty for working on it. I should be writing "other shit" leading up to it but I don't fucking want to. I actually wrote probably 2-3k words this weekend, which is a pretty staggering amount by my standards. Some of it was for this smutty WIP and some was for something I just threw together, Thane observing Shepard on Horizon and the emotional toll it takes on her. He's seeing her humanity. I don't know if it's worth it to continue but I wrote a lot of it and the words are more precise than usual for a draft, I don't know. I have so much fucking insecurity. Fuck dude. I want to write this longfic, but I don't want to write it. I want to skim to the spicy bits like I always do.

I am wracked with insecurity, of my own making. I know what I can do but I feel compelled to see this idea through. Somehow I have to find my own way.

TLDR I feel like if I don't publish something soon I'm going to burst and I don't even know what the fuck to work on first and fjslfjsojoiejrj

I would be really down for, like, a bunch of hugs and a bowl of ice cream shared over memes and fanservice.

[alotsgonnachange]

Fan apprentice Bios

for the alotsgonnachange/the arcana cinematic universe that eye personally believe to be better than the original game...

Name: Isabella Ciccino

Meaning: Promise of God

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/Her

Height: 5′10

Birthday: October 28th

Star sign: Scorpio

MBTI: ISFJ-T

Patron Arcana: Justice

Sexuality: Lesbian

Favorite Food: Lemon chicken orzo

Drink: White wine (Vinho Verde)

Magical abilities: Plant care/recognition (green witch), Foraging

Ethnicity: A small rocky/mediterranean esque island off the coast of Venterre that would strongly resemble sicily and malta.

Family: Mother, Angela Ciccino (deceased). Younger sister, Annamaria Ciccino (deceased)

Backstory: WIP

Occupation: Seamstress/tailor

Hobbies: Ballet, reading, drinking wine, dancing, tending to plants

Familiar: None (for now i guess??)

Love Interest: Nadia

Description: Isabella is a mysterious and alluring magician. To most people she is kind and charming, but private. She is incredibly helpful and caring to those she is friends with and cares about and will drop what she’s doing to assist. Likes to do quiet introspective work like reading, sewing, knitting and caring for plants. She’s a bit of a homebody in that sense. She comes across as level-headed and assertive in formal settings and does not allow others to talk down to her. With friends, she is a bit more sassy and teasing. She hates answering personal questions and has strict boundaries, which can lead to her being standoffish and stubborn at times.

As a Love Interest: Very loyal and committed, generally very gentle towards whoever she is seeing. You are going to have to get her to open the fuck up though she’s not good at being vulnerable AT ALL. The type of gf who may or may not qualify as a therapist/mother which…yikes. needs to work through her fear of intimacy before she can have a healthy relationship awwww 5/10

___

Name: Danielle Dupont

Meaning: God is my judge

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/Her

Height: 5′6

Birthday: September 7th

Star sign: Virgo

MBTI: ENFP-A

Patron Arcana: The Sun

Sexuality: Bi

Favorite food: Pain au Chocolat (Chocolatine for my canadians…)

Favorite drink: Espresso or a good wheaty ale

Magical Abilities: Sexual magic, chemistry/potionmaking, candle magic, topical balms/solutions

Ethnicity: Whatever the Arcana equivalent is of like. Western Europe germanic? A country including but not limited to Germany, France, Belgium, Luxembourg, Switzerland. Who cares really she is white and an Orphan

Family: Orphan!

Backstory: WIP

Occupation: Shop owner who sells potions, balms, candles and various other uhhh items usually of the purpose of sex (literally think a modern day sex shop with dildos and shit but also candles and skincare too)

Hobbies: Socializing, singing, making/testing potions, foraging, baking

Familiar: None, is in fact frightened of several animals due to trauma :(

Love interest: Lucio (Her taste is questionable and that’s okay!), also portia

Description: Danielle is a cunning and animated witch. She’s outgoing, bright and carries herself with confidence. In the past this has made her friends and enemies alike. She’s charming but can be a bit of a trickster. Her demeanor is generally calm and she does not often experience strong anger. She’s very smart and dedicated to her craft, and she is a perfectionist. As a worker, she gives excellent customer service and is a good saleswoman. To her friends, she’s teasing and wild, but loving and encouraging. On her worst days, she has the potential to be a bit more inconsiderate and is not the best at handling huge displays of emotions from others.

As a Love Interest: Girlllll…. first of all she needs to stop being emotionally stunted! My good sis cannot handle open displays of emotion at all and tends to shut down! The physical aspects are all there and excellent and she is going to be sweet, caring and loving but she needs to take things more seriously and be able to talk about feelings!!! 3/10

____

Name: Jia Song

Meaning: In korean it’s “clear” or “good”

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/her

Height: 5’5”

Birthday: August 5th

Star sign: Leo

MBTI: ENFJ-A

Sexuality: Bi

Favorite Food: Pulled pork or a good seasoned steak

Drink: limeade

Magical Abilities: Potions/herbs and healing

Ethnicity: Her father is from the same country as Ki (in a modern AU, this would be like. Korea.) and her mother is from somewhere uhhhh near nopal or something. Warm tropical nice (in a modern au this would be Brazil), but she grew up in her mother's country.

Family: I don't currently have names but basically, her father, mother, aunt (deceased) and two younger brothers.

Backstory: will be linked coming soon

Occupation: Healer, researcher, linguist

Hobbies: Dancing, reading, adventuring

Familiar: None

Love Interest: Julian

Description: Jia is a bright and curious magician. She’s a bit nerdy and loves reading/learning new disciplines. She is an energetic and altruistic person who is liked by many. She comes off as kind and forthcoming. She is very helpful and if she can’t help directly she will find someone who can with her connections. To her friends, she is loyal and sweet and affectionate, but also has the potential to be grumpy and even a bit negative. She’s very determined in hard situations and won’t back down until things are made right. Despite this, she can potentially overthink and overestimate situations and is incredibly stubborn when she wants to be.

As a romantic partner: loving, but definitely also able to keep independence. Not necessarily a stage 5 clinger but somewhere in the middle. She will love just spending lots of time with a partner and just picking their brain and learning everything she can from them. The type to brag about them to her friends. A wonderful listener but give her a chance to speak too she likes talking a lot as well! 10/10 would recommend

____

Name: Ki (Kiyoung) Kim

Meaning: Debatable but Ki alone means arisen and i’m getting “Vigor and eternal” But i think names differ based on the characters u use i am not korean so take this with a grain of salt

Gender: Nonbinary i think...

Pronouns: He/him or they/them doesn't have a preference

Height: 5′8″ Short king

Birthday: February 27th

Star sign: Pisces

MBTI: INFP-T

Sexuality: Gay

Favorite food: Budae Jjigae or Yongeun jorim

Favorite drink: any alcoholic beverage where you can’t taste the alcohol and strawberry milk

Magical Ability: Divination and mediumship (idk what the proper term is) so he can communicate with spirits/the dead

Ethnicity: Think of a small nation veeeery far away from Vesuvia that's cold for a lot of the year (for reference, think Korea).

Family: a twin sister named Jiyoung, 3 older sisters (Jiwoo, Jeongyeon, Joonhwa), mother and father and paternal grandfather and maternal grandmother who are living.

Backstory: will be linked coming soon

Occupation: Musician - mostly guitar and piano. Enjoys instrument care, arranging and performing in large ensembles, not a soloist by any means. He’s a great singer but he’s shy and singing gives him anxiety

Hobbies: Playing guitar, composing/arranging, reading, writing, shopping

Familiar: a tiny white dragon named Egg. Idc if dragons exist in this world but i feel like they HAVE to..

Love Interest: Asra

Description: Ki is a perceptive and witty magician. To most he comes off as a bit anxious and shy, which he is. Once you get past that, he’s eager, forthcoming and empathetic. He is very kind and likes to believe people have good intentions. He is very helpful and always tries to make sure others are comfortable and happy. He enjoys music and learning musical instruments. He prefers to work more in the background so as to not draw attention to himself. With his friends, he’s actually very talkative, silly and goofy. He’s prone to anxiety and may tense up or feel attacked when put into frightening situations. Unfortunately he has self destructive tendencies and low self esteem and has a hard time due to that.

As a Love Interest: perfect little s/o shut the FUCK UP…. that is if u can deal with low self esteem and anxiety! He really really tries though! He’s also shy with physical affection but will warm up to it eventually with familiarity and trust. Very doting and randomly shows up with delicious food and takes care of u when ur sick. 8/10

____

Name: Mathilde “Tilly” LaRue

Meaning: Mighty In Battle? Lol

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/her

Height: 5’11

Birthday: January 16

Star Sign: Capricorn

MBTI: INTP-A

Sexuality: Bi

Favorite Food: Lentil soup

Drink: Black coffee

Magical Abilities: Divination, telekinesis, herbs, defensive magic

Ethnicity: From a large urban area with a large population somewhere in an area a bit cooler and rainier than Vesuvia. (think like. England)(in a modern AU think Afro-caribbean)

Family: Mother and Mother and an older sister named Topaz

Backstory: will be linked coming soon

Occupation: Court Magician (but like simply a well rounded witch who goes wherever the money is)

Hobbies: Exploring, foraging, reading

Familiar: A white ferret named Elle

Love Interest: Muriel

Description: Mathilde is a gentle and thoughtful magician. She is soft-spoken and hates raising her voice, and is often making bizarre and thought provoking side comments in most situations. She is curious and intuitive when it comes to magic and often able to use several methods to predict the future for others. She carries herself in a dreamlike/contemplative manner and does not really care what others think - She’s off in her own world. With friends, she has a good source of humor and gives good advice and is a very good listener. She has an affinity for animals and nature, and would generally prefer to be outside. She can tend to be unrealistic and naive and loses hold on her emotions in tough situations (angry crier…) and feels misunderstood by those around her.

As a love interest: Downright adorable. Sweet, will bring you cool items she found and very endearing. She’s also encouraging and surprisingly cheesy. Not outwardly clingy but if you let her she will. but good fucking luck starting to date her! She is extremely pretty and gets asked out almost every day, turning down 99.999999% of applicants because other people do not particularly interest her and her taste is insanely picky! 10/10 but FAT CHANCE

[axemetaphor]

im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now