#gender experiences ig

[troutpopulation]

Shaving off the beard I went through hell to grow every morning is one thing. Its keeping myself under a blanket, teeling it to hush and I'll be back to feed it when night comes. Just stay put. Just be quiet, don't let anyone see you except old friends and family. And me. I'll be back for you tonight. Plucking that beard from the roots, thinning it forever, after years of dysphoria and torture to go on T feels like burning down a house. I cried with joy when my beard connected as a young boy. I built that home with my own two hands and I lived in it. And I loved it. And it loved me. For a decade I fought for this house and it fought for me back. And when the wax heats up I am lighting a match.

I mistook my indifference with how others percieve me and my curiosity for how fun and exciting femininity is for a fulltime commitment. I based the rest of my life around it. I found the man of my dreams who looks at me and sees a girl he loves and cherishes. And he cares for the boy I was, he kisses my stubble and shivers with delight at the sound of my deep voice and revels in the size of my tdick- or clit now. (Or always has been.) But he loves me as a woman.

When the world looks at me, sometimes a person catches a glimpse of my 5 o clock shadow or the bass in my voice and think "something happened here". I am a girl, tilted to an angle, adjusted to the left, an odd flavor, but a girl. I used to never need to explain my proximity to masculinity, to queerness. It was evident, a constant. A tomboy child to butch and boy and butch again. Gone femme, gone incognito, gone silent. I revelled in the anonymity. Straight passing. I loved that. The weight was off my shoulders, the eyes were off my skin. And I don't miss being stared at. I don't really know what I miss. Not T, I got what I wanted and kept what I needed. I don't want to be a man, I'm around them enough to not want any part of that again. I think I found myself through my transition, and I am scared of losing myself. When they see a woman I have no time to say "wait, something DID happen here" and tell them I've lived a thousand lives and was so many other people just to go back to square one because I thought since it didn't matter to me, I'd take the easiest option, the one that made people be the nicest to me, the one where transphobia was something I could ally against instead of bear the weight of it on my back every second I breathe. and yes! Maybe it makes me feel stupid to think I found an easy way out only to regret it! And maybe it was fun to learn to be a girl! Transition twice and watch my body go through a third puberty! I'm not allowed to say it, I know it. It was fun to progress and go, go forward, as much as I hated it, learning everything the other girls already knew.

I suppose I just wish all that struggle showed like it used to. I have done twice the work with nothing to show for it.

Overall, all that time, all that struggle. Just for net zero.

[decolonize-the-everything]

Reminder that I am a trans non-binary person.

Not theyfab, not confused cis, not a trans man. I'm not a man, I don't identify with womanhood, and hate such a limited gender binary.

I'm a trans non-binary person who is also feminine and will continue to be Mostly feminine for Most days even if/when I get bottom surgery.

[uncanny-tranny]

The idea that manhood is a type of violence that can be wielded is definitely something that I've found impacts me - the idea that to be a man, I have to fight and bleed for it, that fostering anything else is sacrilege. It's honestly really sad to look at cis men who are entrenched in this idea because it's a curse. I've also found this threat of violence wielded against me in order to "prove" I'm not a man, that if I can not beat people into submission that I am not truly worthy of manhood.

I ultimately see this viewpoint of manhood as fragile - not because manhood or masculinity is inherently so, but because it relies so heavily on other people and if they approve of their manhood. It relies on climbing on other people through any means necessary. Should our manhood only be expressed through the blood on our knuckles? Is it right that we bathe ourselves in so many layers of machismo and false arrogance that our true selves are frozen beneath layers upon layers of apathy and fear?

[thepileofclothesonyourdesk]

Intersectionality is not like math

It not like being trans gives you +1 oppression and being a man gives you -1 oppression

Intersectionality is like chemistry

you add being transgender to being a man and you get a completely different chemical (experience)

it may have some of the properties of the parts it is made up of, but its ultimately its own thing

and no identity is neutral

Growing up rural vs urban is a part of the cocktail of your experience, even if that isnt something you would bring up about yourself when talking about your identity

[danothan]

I like to think of halbarry as two gay men who haven't come to terms with their sexuality and complete denial bc of their trauma and bullying

like what you said in flashpoint paradox where in that timeline he got the support system and no trauma I think

I think it makes sense to me them being gay than bi/pan. etc

oh this could not have come at a worse time, i’m drawing the most bisexual halbarryisms in the world rn 💔

[arrowsperpetualcringe]

Hey Arrow would you do more art featuring the other pensioners and also I freaking Love your Genderbend Kazui Design she looks like a total MILF you should do more art

OKAAAAYYYYY the people WANT what they WANT and they want more gender swaps, so HERE WE GO IG

All milgram prisoner gender swaps in order.

I hope this suffices, and I hope i did the character's justice in my genderbends

[wysteriadelights]

ITS FUCKING DONE

i went ahead and already compiled every portrait. i just am going to sleep on it before i release it on nexus (after bestie Sectonia finishes making sure its programmed right for the Yandere Elliott Mod). juuuust in case i wake up and see GLARING MISTAKES and then kashoot myself

[fellasleepinbaltimore]

it's just like I'm struggling bc in a sense it feels like a surrender like ghtjyju I would be fine with being a man if like it was a meaningless category like if it was actually okay to be something other than what is expected as the ideal if it was the actual like... "just be an effeminate man" like if it really meant nothing and if my body didn't automatically push me down someone's mental conveyorbelt of social interaction in a way that forced me to participate in this dance where I'm aspiring to do the best in part that is not suited to me and I never asked for if people could like see me as I am in my brain and not always looking at me and what I do or say through the lense of manhood like saying I don't id as man or woman would be enough, it would be enough to say I'm person before I'm any gender if it changed anything like I know it about myself but how I do convey that to everyone else? how would they know? how does one convey personhood in a non gendered way 😭😭 like

it feels like a surrender to a society what will only judge and ridicule nonconformity but also as making peace with the world as it is and maybe the most responsible choice to make for one's own sanity.

it eats me up inside bc I really like never asked for it. to be this way and I'm not trying to shit on it like there's something wrong with it it's just so much work. it's already so much work to figure everything else out I'm literally unemployed uneducated constantly living off of others I'm struggling to like build a basic life for me add on the fucking sisyphean task of jailbreaking your genetic code like I literally don't know how im going to do this. I don't want to keep living the life I lead before but I don't know that I'm brave enough to go forth with the path before and I'm so serious about it.

if I was rich and independent it'd be different but I'm not I'm poor and surrounded by people who simply don't get it and likely never will even if they love me.

having to be a man is not something I can swallow I need to be allowed to be soft but I don't know how to go from me here what my life with look like it's so much pressure and I don't know if I can do it it's so much fucking work constant shaving and voice training and clothes and money and laser removal and extensions and makeup and indignity and shame and fighting it's a constant fight and it sounds exhausting and I'm already fucking tired bro like this has already been so fucking much I'm so fucking tired already I already have shit I have to fucking carry it's not woe is me I know everyone does but I'm kind everyone else people have limits and I feel like I'm fucking at mine it's constantly grating at me but I can't fucking do shit about it!!!

so much fucking fighting for something I don't want!!!! I don't want to pass!! or be a woman!! but I'll have to be if not maybe I'll end up fucking dead!! bc regardless I have to conform! I have to be beautiful, I don't get to be, I'll have to be.... it's literally trading one thing for the other and it makes mad I can't stay where I am and maybe I'll like where I go better but it still will be insufferable!!

this is why I think regardless of how I was born id still feel nonbinary and like there's just something wrong with me and gender for some reason idk and tbh gender doesn't matter most of the time but when it does it hits and it feels sicklyyyy like free me fr!!!

I feel like I can't decide bc I genuinely don't want to I literally wish with all my heart to shapeshift at will like I wish I could walk the line between the two worlds and be perfectly acceptable as I am

[biteybunni]

Can any femboy be actually cis? If he's born assigned male it seems like yes. But isn't presenting femininity while identifying as male gender queer in nature?

[thatone-churro]

does anyone have/know of good posts that discuss/talk about/bring using “lesbian” as both your sexuality and/or your gender?

for obvious reasons i just wanna see what other people feel abt it/how they describe it

[sillycreaturecreations]

Happy birthday to me.

[chaoticgouda]

[oysterie]

i do acknowledge i need to watch what i say wrt gender women men cis ppl etc just augh.

[queers4years]

Fellas is it neurotypical to treat large social gatherings as a psychological simulation where you are both the scientist and subject 

[coffeeastronaut]

i am once again giggling over MOFFAT of all people understanding (or at least getting extremely lucky in how it comes off) doctor gender better then the two ‘progressive’ writers. incredible stuff

[patronsaint-ofthedenial]

I don't like the term "platonic love" or "platonic attraction" mainly cause in my language we use that term for when there is romantic feelings involved but it's either unrequited or it's not acted upon, and also because we have separate words for just love in general and romantic love, but also like bro. I just love my friends it's not that complicated