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iwhishtomeetinournextlife · 3 years

Text

An anonymous lover (part 4)

Summary : Y/N sees Sirius Black running away after a particularly rough letter from his mother. She wants to cheer him up and decide to send him a letter, anymously, she knows how much he hates her house.

Warnings : Slytherin!Reader, female!reader, not proof read

Word count : 2.6k

English is not my first language, sorry if there is any mistakes

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - You're here - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

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Sirius was slowly starting to desparate, it has been now almost three weeks seen he received the letter from that mysterious person and he had no idea who it could be. He and the marauders –with the help of Lily- had search for them among Evans’ friends, but none of them matched the headwriting or even admiting being the writer of the letter.

He is not that surprise, after all it was said in the letter that they didn’t know each other that well, and most of Lily’s friends were people he knew himself and was close to, but it was worth the shot he told himself.

He was in potion, lost in his own mind, he didn’t hear someone calling next to him and he snapped out of his mind, “You said something ?” It was Y/N, his potion partner, despite being a slytherin, she was always nice, a bit discreet in class, even if he heard a story or two from Lily of little mischiefs she has done, the more time they spend together, the more he was surprised she was a slytherin.

“I was asking you to give me the mandrake leaves”, Sirius looked on his left were the leaves were, he then looked at the cauldron on the table, it had a greenish color with some pinkish sturls, bubbling heavely. He wasn’t paying attention at the beginning of the class so he had no idea on what that was, so he decide to just hand over the madrake leaves to Y/N.

She ground the ingredient before putting it in the cauldron who turned completly pink. She then looked at Sirius, “Are ok ? Y' look a bit.. Off"

Sirius straighten his back on his stool, trying to look more composed but he sighed, “Yeah yeah ‘t‘s just...”, he hesitated a bit, should he talk to her about it ? But she looked so concerned. “It’s just there is that person who gave me a letter a few weeks ago and I don’t know who it is. I’d like to meet them” He was playing with the little kiss card, he had since forgotten the feeling and the paper was slowly tearing up by being touch all the time.

Y/N simply smiled at him, “Yeah, I heard about it. Who knows, if you’re lucky maybe they heard about it too and will come to you ? Or send another letter ?”

Sirius just nob a little, he hoped she was right and that wasn’t just a one time thing. He decided to pay more attention for the rest of the class.

After the lesson of this morning, he went to the Great Hall with the marauders to eat, his stomach was rumbling louder than Peter’s snorring at night. At the table he thought about what Y/N had said, apparently some people had heard about his desire to find a mysterious lettermaker, maybe indeed they had heard of it and would send another one ? Maybe even directly talked to him ? He tried to not put his hopes too high but he couldn’t resist to look at the owl’s entry and wish to see one arrived for him, he wasn’t a patient person after all.

He tried to pay attention to what James was saying, something about the perfect plan to ask Lily on a date. “She will say yes !” the boy was confident.

“Of course, like the 437 other times” mocked Remus, his friend open his mouth agape, absolutly scandilise, “Don’t be a party pooper Moony ! Friends are s’pose to support each other !”, Sirius was about to retort something but his head snapped at the sound of wings flapping around, making his friends laugh. “You think you will have another letter ?” asked Peter.

Sirius sighed, “I hope so ! They can’t just send me a wholehearted letter and then send me obsoutely nothing ever again !”, he waited a bit and his eye widen when an owl landed in front of him with a letter decorated with stars in the beak, he was completly overjoyed. “NO WAY !!”, he screamed a bit, making heads turned to him, includind Y/N’s, who observed him from afar.

Sirius looked at the enveloppe, it had a new constellation draw on it, and didn’t wait to open the letter, completly ignoring the owl who was waiting for his reward, it’s Remus who ended up feeding the animal who then flew away, the marauders all looked at Sirius, waiting for a reaction, who just had the biggest grin on his face.

It was written in a beautiful emerauld green this time, with forget me not flowers as well as lilac, it smelled beautifully good and was quite soothing.

“Dear Sirius,

I heard you were looking for me ? I must admit that I’m flattered and happy you liked the first one so much, it warm my heart to know it had the reaction intended.

Looking at you from far away searching for me at the wrong place is very entertainning, that’s why I’m going to let you keep looking for me a moment”

Sirius open his mouth in shock. “What, what are they saying ?” James leaned accross the table, trying to see. “They wants to play a little, apperently it makes them laugh to see me struggle finding them”;

James laugh, “She seems fun !”, “Or he” told Sirius.

“FINE ! Wanna bet ? 5 gallons it’s a girl !”. Sirius stopped to think for a moment, he didn’t care of the gender of the person but he really wanted to bet with James, they did that often and it wasn’t a big deal in the end. “That’s a deal then, Prongs”. Sirius then went back to the letter.

“But since I am not a complete monster, I am going to give you a hint : I am not a gryffindor. And because I will dare to say I am quite generous, I am going to let you write to me too if you desire to do so. You may have noticed with the kiss from last time –that a hope you liked- I like inventing a few things, in the enveloppe you will find pieces of paper to stick to you letters, the charm of the paper will transcribe you’re message onto a parchment that I possess. I could tell you all the magic behind it but I will keep it for another if that interest you.

Game on Sirius Black ! 3 gallons you can’t find me before at least two months.

P.S : The pieces of paper are a new creation so it might malfunction, I will send you an update in ten days if I have no news from you, or you could always scream in the Great Hall if you want me to send something sooner”

Sirius looked in the void for a few second, ok, that was a lot of information to take at once, he let James took the letter so he could read it. He looked in the enveloppe and there were indeed five pieces of paper, he guessed it was singled used. He looked some more and was incredibly disappointed to not find any kiss in it. He had really hoped he could feel it again. Well, from them, when Sirius better explain to James what was the kiss he had felt, he put into an habit to kissed his friend good night to tease him, always getting a smack from Sirius in return.

“Wow, they seemed brillant” said Remus who had now th letter in hand before giving it back to Sirius. "Must be a ravenclaw” remarked Peter, that’s where they will be looking next. But for now, he couldn’t wait to write to them, the first thing he will do once back in the dorm.

---------------------------------------------

And that’s what he did right away once the day ended, he thanked them for the letter, telling them how much it had helped him to feel better and how grateful he was for all the nice things they had said. Of course he took the challenge, he never back away from an opportunity to win, especially one such as this one, he had flirted a bet a date at Hogsmeade he will find them before those two months. He ended the letter by demending more kisses to use, obviously.

Once he was satisfied with it, he decided to try out the piece of paper to transfer the message. At first nothing happened, he was a bit scared the thing wouldn’t work, but when he was about to voice his worries, the lines started to shine of golden glow before slowly disappearing. Wow, they are brillant.

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Sirius was more than happy to received a letter the next day, the paper had perfectly worked out ! That letter was way more casual, with less decoration, talking about the few past weeks with an added candy, their favourite one they said, Sirius made sure to note that somewhere in his mind as he was eating it, sour, just like he liked them.

He also was delighted to see they had added kisses with that letter, two, with three used each that made six in total, he used one right away, he had missed the feeling too much. He had to slap away James who wanted to try it out too, to see what was so great about them.

“C’mon Pads, you said it could be reused !” had he complain. “And it’s not like you’ll run out, now you can have more whenever !”, Sirius just threw bread at him, “Don’t you fucking dare Prongs, I wil envoy each one of them !”.

Him and the rest of the marauders have given up on searching on their own who the person was after a few days, they used energy for not much and apparently the anonymous person envoyed sending them in the wrong direction, Sirius having some akward conversation with people he barely knew to know if they were or not the person he was looking for. He decided rather to focus on the letters.

-------------------------------------------

And that’s how Sirius and the anonymous penpal fell into a routine, he will write in the evening and have an answer the next day at lunch, writing to each other almost everyday. He smiled at the evolution of the letters, it became more natural, the penpal slowly loosen up the handwriting to a point were it would be impossible for someone who didn’t lived “the downfall to incomprehension” as he tease them about, but he loved that, it fell special to him to be able to read them so well when other struggled.

The marauders had read the letters occasionally when the penpal was giving hint of who they were, which was a rare occurrence, bu they had given up days ago. James had froaned at the letter, he thought he had seen it before but he couldn’t recall where, he simply pushed that idea in the back of his head.

He groaned a bit when they turned out to be a she, handing five gallons to James who simply sang “I told you so” over and over again. At that Sirius simply rolled his eyes and went back to the letter.

They were always written in colored ink, with always at least one doodle, often of flowers, especially roses, she apperently loved them very much. He keep that in mind among the other little details about her and the gifts he could bring her once they met. He also were given more kisses, some on the cheeks, or the hand, whether on the knuckles, fingers, the palm, he loved it all. He received one on his jaw that he absolutly loved, but he has teased her about it and so as a punishment he never received more of these.

Truth be told, Y/N was simply completly embarassed of what she has done, she send this one a day were she felt particulary bold and regretted it the very next day at Sirius’ teasing.

He also received some hugs. Boy did he loved those, they never lasted long enough for him. He finded them so comforting, and by the repetition of them, he could tell she was smaller than him and that had him completly melted. And he swore he almost passed out the day she sended her voice.

It wasn’t much, just “Have a nice day, Sirius !”, but he listened to it every single day, delighted when he was told it was unlimited. Y/N had took a big risk that time, but she really wanted to send him just that special one, he often told her how much it made him a bit sad that the hugs and kisses were so limited, so she sent that one line, modifiying her voice just enough to be a bit out of her ordinary one.

She wasn’t as scared as before to meet Sirius, after so many days speaking to each other, she would dare to say they were close, both had confessed in their letter deep secrets and insecurities, and they trusted each other enough to be vunerable with one another, she almost asked him to meet in the astronomy tower.

But a few things were preventing her to do so ; the bet, she was a slytherin after all and wasn’t going to lose to a gryffindor; her insecurity, despite feeling better than before, a big parts of her still was terrified to the idea of meeting him as the person he has been writing to for weeks, she didn’t know how she would react; and finally, she has heard Sirius badly talked about slytherin a few times, and she didn’t want to ruin everything because of who she was, she was proud to be a slytherin despite the surprise of many people to discover which house she was in, but depise that she had let her feelings for Sirius get in the way and now very selfishly didn’t want to let that go.

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The two months were soon over, and Sirius still didn’t know who his penpal was, he wanted to win the bet but didn’t know how to at this point, with the tests and essays they recently had, he didn’t took the time to search for her. He was planning on asking her in his next letter if she will revealed herself by the end of the bet, hoping with all his being for her to say yes.

He was now in potion, sitting next to Y/N, both were silently taking notes, as for once, Sirius decided to stay quiet the whole time, he had a bit of struggle with this potion and he needed to focus, not used to have difficulties in class.

Y/N saw his struggle and decided to talk to him. “Do you need help with that potion, Black ?”

The boy looked at her for a few second and sighed, “Yeah, that one’s a bitch, can I burrow your notes ?”

Y/N hesitated a bit, not knowing if she should, she knew he could read her handwriting but didn’t know if he would put two and two together. She decided to hand them to him, after all she proposed her help and it would impolite to stop now, and she told herself he will probably not recognise it, some handwriting could look alike without being from the same person.

Sirius gave her a greatful smile, “Thanks Y/L/N”, she gave back a smile “No problem”, she put the rest of her stuff away and spoke without thinking, “Have a nice day Sirius !” and she got out.

Sirius immidiatly froze, was that ..?

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Taglist : @blackpinkdolan @jentaculargums @bruxa0007 @deathkat657 @theincredibledeadlyviper

#sirius black x reader #marauders x reader #sirius black #an anonymous lover

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hyperesthesias · 3 years

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How the Batch Comforts You with Your Chronic Pain

SUMMARY: Some Soft headcanons on how The Batch Boys™️ would take care of you on a flare day.

CONTENT: Gender Neutral ; No ailment is specified in particular, besides chronic pain ; brief allusion to cannabis ; SFW.

NOTES: I love our Boys! <3 They would take very good care of you when you're hurting. I really enjoyed writing this, I may continue writing for the chronic pain/disabled SW community. We don't get a lot of recognition and it's been therapeutic to write some visibility for us!

Enjoy, loves! 💖

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Crosshair

Is the protective one.

Seriously. He will fight anyone who comes near you while you're trying to rest. If you need your space, consider your space locked down just for you.

He can see exactly what is bothering you and where. Which makes him perfect at back massages. He also has impeccable taste in lotions and oils, from having rough hands himself, so you have a selection to choose from!

These massages can be strictly platonic, or very sensual! Whichever you prefer. He's very respectful of your space and needs. He gets it, he needs a lot of space and has a lot of boundaries himself.

Gives you lots of words of reassurance. Chronic pain can take a toll on the mental health, and he can see that, too. He gives you quiet whispers of comfort. No one else can hear them, they're just for you.

He's also perfect to lean against. You can sit right in front of him, leaned back against his chest with your full weight and he'll support you.

He thinks it's cute when you fall asleep like that. 💖

Echo

He draws a bath for you. Puts some Epsom salts in, along with some healing tinctures. It's so comforting and relaxing. You're able to float there, buoyant and without any pressure on trigger points or joints.

If you want him to join, he's more than happy to! All of his prosthetics are completely waterproof so there's no concern. He likes taking baths, too, it relieves pressure from his connective joints. But if you prefer to be alone, he's more than happy to put your clothes and towels on the counter and wait outside for you.

He makes you a pain relieving concoction: a tea and a lotion. He's studied many alternative remedies to help with his own struggles, he's got a whole notebook full of ideas. It helps. It's soothing, and it's nice to have the quiet company as you both sip your tea together. He also has an herb you can smoke, too, but that's entirely up to you. ;)

When you're feeling a bit more mobile, or if you're feeling stiff, he has a gentle stretch routine he would practice in his recovery. It helps wake the joints up and lubricate the bones a bit. It's simple, nothing strenuous, and it soothes some of the aches. He's right there to support you if you lose your balance or can't continue.

He's very empathetic, someone you can trust with how you feel. You know he gets it, and he's always very compassionate.

Hunter

He can sense when you're going to have a flare the day before.

He has a whole game plan on how to help you.

It's a little excessive.

Once he chills out though, he realises all he needs to do is listen. He's a great listener.

You both come to an understanding that you have similar physical experiences. He didn't really consider it before, but he realises he has a degree of chronic pain, too. It was all he'd ever known and he didn't know anyone else who was different like him, too. It's a very personal, bonding experience between the both of you.

This makes him easy to talk to. You're able to get a lot off your chest on how your illness affects you, how it makes you feel. It's not something you get to talk about often in a safe setting, he just sits and listens.

He doesn't judge you if you cry.

He lets you borrow his most prized possession: his fuzzy blanket. He bought it for himself after an assignment on Naboo. It's soft, silky, so warm and cuddly. Nothing about it itches or tickles or scratches. It's the only thing that doesn't cause pain against your skin.

He's determined to buy you one next time they're on Naboo.

Tech

This man has the lo down on every symptom you have. Literally. Like a whole ass binder full of every piece of knowledge on your particular ailment. You're practically better off consulting him than a doctor (which, let's be real, would probably be for the better anyway).

He knows he can get real clinical. He also knows you've probably had a lot of that in your life already -- like he and the other clones. He knows how tiring it can be, to be looked at like an object or an experiment instead of a living, breathing being.

So his most sensitive side comes out when you're having a flare. He speaks quietly and deliberately, he tries not to touch you, he reminds you to take your medicine on time. He even has it in a little pill box with a glass of water or juice for you.

He's very thoughtful. He anticipates everything you need. He has a heating pad ready, ice packs in the freezer, he even makes you a nutritional drink for you to sip on if you're not up to eating.

Is secretly a cuddle bug. At night when you're preparing to go to sleep, he wraps you in the blanket you're sharing and puts his arm around you. You fit perfectly against his chest, a snug little spoon. He gives you a kiss on the head and wishes you sweet dreams, mesh'la. 💖

Wrecker

Oh, Wrecker. He's the gentlest of them all. So tender. He knows he can be super loud, so he does his best to whisper. It's a loud whisper, but still. You appreciate it. Sound can be hard to process through the pain.

He is PREPARED. Like he has a whole ass kit ready for your flare days. He keeps it for you, special.

At the end of the day, he just wants to be useful. He knows he's not usually equipped to handle sensitive situations like this, so he does the absolute best he can to learn and do what he can.

He is the best person to marathon TV shows with. Complete with hilarious commentary.

This man would do anything to make you laugh. He loves laughing with you.

It helps take away the pain. Takes your mind off of everything. His sense of humour is the perfect balance between just dark enough, and wholesome.

OBVIOUSLY a huge cuddle bug, too. A very gentle cuddle bug. He knows his strength, and he knows when to be tender.

He likes playing with your hair, stroking your scalp -- it calms you both and brings you both some comfort.

💖

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nicknellie · 4 years

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Ok, so obviously Luke’s relationship with Emily was very strained before he left home. But what about with his dad? I present to you, headcanons about Mitch and Luke Patterson’s father-son relationship, featuring trans!Luke.

(I tried to keep this light-hearted but it didn’t really work so... I’m sorry.)

Luke and Mitch were always close

I’m talking all the usual father-child activities: Mitch taught him how to swim, how to ride a bike, took him to his first sports games, they went fishing once (but Luke fell in the lake so they never did it again), they go camping together, everything and anything

Luke wasn’t the best behaved child growing up though, so his parents were always trying to think of things that would calm him down or at least distract him

It was Mitch’s idea to buy Luke his first guitar

Mitch used to play acoustic guitar and thought it would be a fun thing to share with Luke, and it might help him be better behaved

The first time Luke played he wanted to give up immediately because he couldn’t do it on the first try

Mitch sat him down and taught him everything he knew (very patiently, because little Luke was not willing to learn)

Eventually he got the hang of it and loved it to pieces

It made Mitch so proud to see his son enjoying himself so much

Mitch was the first person Luke spoke to when he was questioning his gender

He was ten or eleven and knew next to nothing about gender identity, so he went to his dad because he had been so good at explaining things in the past

Mitch was as supportive as you could imagine - as soon as Luke felt ready, the two of them headed out shopping to buy new clothes and things

Truth be told, Mitch didn’t know a lot about gender either, but he made it his mission to research it until he felt that he knew enough to be truly supportive of Luke

After Luke had also come out to Emily, the three of them went to their first pride event - Mitch didn’t think he’d ever seen Luke smiling quite so brightly

(Luke wrote My Name Is Luke and played it to Emily as his way of coming out - she was also incredibly supportive, and Mitch cried)

Luke asked for an electric guitar for his fourteenth birthday

Emily wasn’t so sure, but Mitch was the one to persuade her that it could be a good idea

“You know how much he loves music, it’s not as if it’ll be a waste of money.”

Luke, of course, adored his electric guitar

He’d put on “shows” for his parents, which were really just him sat in the living room, blocking their view of the TV, singing covers of his favourite songs

Then he met Reggie, Bobby, and Alex one by one, and they formed Sunset Curve

This is when things started to go downhill

Emily didn’t want Luke in the band - not because she didn’t want him to enjoy music, but because she had a lot of misconceptions about rock musicians and things like drugs and drink

When the arguing started, Mitch was stuck between a rock and a hard place - agree with his wife or agree with his son

He could see both sides of their argument and whenever they argued he either tried not to get involved or tried to calm it down

Neither tactic really worked

It hurt him to see his family falling apart

After the first big argument between Emily and Luke, Luke stormed off to his room

Mitch spoke to Emily first

“If he’s enjoying it and staying safe then what’s the problem?” he asked her

She had sighed and said, “I just don’t want him to get hurt.”

Later, Mitch hesitantly knocked on Luke’s door

Luke said, “Go away,” but Mitch ignored him and walked in

“If you’re here to tell me that mom’s right and I should quit the band then you can save it, I’m not leaving.”

“I wasn’t going to say that. You want to go somewhere? Get something to eat, just go on a drive? You can’t stay in your room all day.”

When Luke didn’t reply, Mitch said, “Just the two of us.”

They went to Luke’s favourite fast food restaurant and Luke’s mood brightened steadily

Mitch listened to him gush about the band, talk about all the gigs they had lined up, laugh about his friends’ antics

He didn’t think the band could be dangerous or a bad idea, not when Luke so clearly adored it

The fights only got worse - it became routine for Mitch to calm Emily down first, then go and take Luke somewhere

They went to the cinema, crazy golf, the beach, museums, the planetarium, haunted houses in October, Christmas markets in December, or they would just wander around or go on a long drive

Whatever Luke needed to take his mind off it, Mitch was happy to help him

It got to the point that after an argument Luke would be stood by the door with his coat on, ready to leave

We know Luke and Alex dated for a bit in the nineties - Mitch was the first person Luke told when they got together, and he was the shoulder Luke cried on when they broke up

Mitch was just arriving home from work the night Luke ran away

He could see his bike disappearing around a corner, and Emily was falling apart

She explained everything - Mitch held himself together; he thought Luke would come home eventually

He blamed himself a bit; he felt he was the one who had taught Luke that if an argument got too heated it was alright to just leave

After three days, he started to worry

He called the police, told them of a missing person

“Please, it’s my son. His name is Luke Patterson, he’s been missing since Wednesday night. Apparently he hasn’t been in school either. My wife and I... we miss him so much, we just want to know he’s safe.”

He and Emily made missing person posters together, along with the ones issued by the police

The ink on most of them ended up smudged after one of them cried on it

Mitch took out newspaper ads in the hopes that somehow Luke would see it

(Luke did see the ads, he just never responded to them - he would tear them out of the newspapers and keep them in his pocket because it felt like that way he had a bit of his parents’ love with him)

He and Emily went to Reggie, Alex, and Bobby’s houses to ask them if they’d seen Luke - on Luke’s request, none of them really gave a straight answer

One night, Mitch was looking out of the living room window

He thought he saw someone in the bushes

He wondered - hoped it could have been Luke

When he did a double-take, he saw that no one was there

He decided it was a trick of the light

On the night of Luke’s death, the police showed up at the Pattersons’ house, lights flashing, sirens wailing

Luke had been missing for months - of course Mitch and Emily assumed the worst

Of course they were right

They identified the body together

Mitch cried as Emily hugged her son - that probably wasn’t allowed, but she did it anyway

Emily whispered something to Luke but Mitch couldn’t hear what it was

Mitch said goodbye afterwards

He smoothed down his son’s hair, closed his eyes, straightened his jacket, held his hand, hugged him gently

Silently, he thanked Luke for everything he’d given him and done for him, for making him a better person and teacher and father, for being so perfect

That night, Mitch picked up his own old acoustic guitar for the first time in years

He played a lullaby he and Emily had sung to Luke as they tried to get him to sleep as a baby

He played the first song he’d ever taught Luke

He played a few of Luke’s original songs, the ones he’d liked so much that he’d learnt them himself, without telling Luke

He played the guitar at Luke’s funeral

But he didn’t play again after that

He remembered his son in other ways: framing hundreds of photographs and hanging them around the house, volunteering at a youth group on Friday nights, switching career paths and training as a teacher

One year, for Emily’s birthday, Mitch named a star and gave her the certificate

He had called it Luke

“Our boy was always going to be a star,” he told his wife, “and now he really is.”

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winterscaptain · 4 years

Text

absence.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader a joyful future fic

a/n: the next installment is here! this is the second-to-last piece in the berry hill section of a joyful future. as it has been lately, this one requires little ajf context, but i would recommend reading berry hill and waldosia, if you haven’t already. (thanks to aimz @ssaic-jareau, kira @good-heavens-chris-evans, and sabina @writefasttalkevenfaster) edit: this has been heavily revised as of april 29th, 2021. the changes and additions address continuity errors and ongoing subplots.

words: 7k (prev. 3.8k) warnings: language, vomit mention, really accurate satellite phone protocol (eat your heart out, cm writers), beard!hotch, jack hotchner content, one last slow burn

summary: “absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great” - roger de bussy-rabutin. au!march-september 2011

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | taglist | what do you want to see next? updated: april 29th, 2021

There’s a moment where he stops at your desk on the way out of the bullpen, but you just stare at him. He opens his mouth as if to speak, then closes it. After a moment, he finally says, “Jack is with Jessica tonight.”

You have no idea what your face looks like, but it’s enough to drop his shoulders and send him on his way, defeated.

+++

You let yourself into his apartment, slamming the door behind you. He’s been waiting for you, leaning against the windowsill across from the door.

“How dare you.”

He sighs and presses a hand to his forehead. “You have to understand that I -”

“Bullshit, Aaron. I don’t have to understand a goddamn thing. What are you thinking? We need you.”

His head tips up, and he looks through you. The haunted look in his eyes almost makes you falter - it so acutely reminds you of the days following Haley’s death - but you keep your resolve. He doesn’t say anything, just lets you yell at him until it's out of your system. You could never actually hate him and he knows that, which makes some of it easier, but not all of it.

The tears start and pick up speed as you continue, nearly at a shout. “You've known for seven months that you were going to leave for Pakistan. I read the brief. Seven. Fucking. Months, Aaron. Since September, you’ve known and you didn’t tell us about the task force assignment in fucking Pakistan!”

You pause, but the final nail in his proverbial coffin leaves your mouth without permission. “Emily died, and you’re still leaving?” He flinches. “You’re leaving me and Jack. You’re leaving our team. I never thought you could do something like that to us. Maybe them, but not me. Never to me. I mean, after everything we’ve -” You cut yourself off and raise the back of your hand to your mouth, unable to finish the unbearably painful thought.

He’s not sure which part is the most painful - the fact that you list yourself with Jack instead of with the BAU, the fact that you say ‘our team,’ or the tone that drips with hurt. The sob that rips through your chest breaks his heart. He leans heavily against the arm of his couch, knocked down by the weight of your tears.

No. The hardest part is knowing he deserves it, that you aren’t saying anything that isn't unfair or untrue.

“I can’t even look at you right now.”

He can only watch you as you walk back out, leaving the door open behind you.

About twenty minutes later, he receives a text.

9:34pm I’ll be there tomorrow at 12:30 to take you to base. Be ready when I get there.

He crawls into bed about half an hour later, and receives another text.

10:05pm Goodnight.

Fuck.

+++

The ride to base ride is mostly silent, and you know something’s wrong. It’s nothing you can articulate or even really put your finger on, but it’s something bigger than just his imminent absence.

He’s boarding a C-130 supply transport with a few Marines and various agency task force members to an outpost in Pakistan. It will no doubt be a long and deeply uncomfortable flight. His go bag, packed with desert fatigues and a couple of creature comforts, looks smaller than usual at his feet.

“How long?”

He sighs and shakes his head. “Task force operations are need-to-know.” There’s so much he can’t tell you, and it eats at him. Because it’s you, and he’s been an ass, he concedes a little. “Probably a couple of months.”

“We’ll be okay, Aaron.”

A little laugh leaves him, and it pulls a smile from you.

“What?”

“Remember when you chased me down last night to tell me the team couldn’t do this without me?”

You roll your eyes. “It’s still true, but we’ll manage. We always do.” There’s a moment of silence, and you continue. “And you’re going where you’re needed. That helps.”

It’s true. Your anger had cooled (just a little) overnight, and you decided you didn’t want to be upset with him when he leaves.

You already miss him.

“Don’t think I’m not still mad at you.”

He looks out the window, and you can hear the wheels turning in his head. Jack is on his mind, and so are you. There’s nothing more nauseating than the thought of leaving you while you’re still hurting from Emily’s loss. “I know.”

Why are you going through with this, Hotchner?

Oh, right. You’re a coward.

“I just don’t want our last conversation before you leave to be a fight.” You sniff, but don’t look at him as you continue driving down the highway.

I am perhaps the most undeserving man on the planet.

He says, “Thank you. I don’t want that either,” but he hopes you can hear what else he can’t say.

I love you. I’m sorry.

+++

“Alright, you’ve got everything you need?” You stand next to him on the tarmac, shading your eyes from the sun.

Aaron hikes his bag higher on his shoulder. “Think so. You gonna be alright?”

You nod and reach for him. He embraces you, tucking his head into your shoulder. “You be safe, Aaron Hotchner. If you die out there I’ll kill you myself.”

He chuckles, and you hope the sound is enough to keep your heart from breaking too much over the next couple of months. Your eyes close as he presses a kiss to your cheek. “I’ll check in when I can.”

Shoving against his chest, you turn him around and push him toward the plane. “Get outta here.”

He takes one last look over his shoulder when he reaches the loading ramp and offers you a wave. You return it.

+++

You manage to get to the highway before the tears start. The only person you want to talk to is Emily. She’d know exactly what to say, and she’d make sure your days off were full of fun and good company. You pull off on the side of the road, your head falling into your hands, sobs wracking through you.

When you’re able to keep driving, your chest hurts beyond belief.

Without her, these months seem to stretch before you forever.

+++ april 2011 +++

It’s not the first time you’ve ended up in his office alone, but it’s the first time you’ve really noticed the evidence of his absence.

The picture frames on his desk started gathering dust, so you brought a little duster to the office. His desktop computer has stopped making noise, so you turned it on and off once out of pity. His phone hardly rings, unless it's the NSA trying to get a hold of one of you for a sat phone call, so you and Morgan take turns taking forwarded calls.

The silence is overwhelming and seems to pull something intangible from you. It’s exhausting.

“When’s the last time you slept?”

You turn, finding Penelope in the doorway. You’re not sure how long she’s been there, watching your acquiescence to the bees that seem to have invaded your brain in the last couple of weeks.

“I slept last night,” you tell her. It’s not technically a lie.

She doesn’t look impressed. “Did you sleep through the night, or are you just trying to play one of your Jedi mind tricks on me?”

With a sigh, you cop to it. “No, I didn’t sleep through the night.” You look out the window to the bullpen, and you know she sees something on your face.

“I don’t like it either.” She looks over her shoulder, finding Spencer and Ashley playing a game of Go on the desk. Unsurprisingly, Spencer’s winning. Rossi and Derek speak quietly by the little kitchen, looking just about as tired as you feel.

The short-handedness is getting to you. “There’s just…” You search for something to say. “There’s just so much to do.”

Penelope looks back. Her mouth twists. “And we’re down a couple’a hands.”

That’s an understatement.

+++

“I would understand if you needed some time to think about it.” Erin leans forward in her chair, elbows on her desk. “With your team cut in half, even I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending you to another unit without some time to train a replacement or two.”

“Or three,” you add.

She looks at you and nods. “Exactly.”

You pick up the letter from the Special Agent in Charge in Los Angeles. You’d be his right hand - essentially the liaison between operational support divisions and units operating in the field. It’s a hell of an opportunity, a huge promotion, and a significant bump in pay.

“Can I take you up on the offer to think about it?” You slide the letter across the desk again.

Her eyes are soft, and you almost feel close to her in that moment. “Of course. Take your time. It’s a position created just for you, so there’s nobody else in line for it.”

“Thanks.”

+++ may 2011 +++

“Ready or not, here I come!” You call across the apartment, sneaking through the familiar rooms with practiced ease.

Aaron’s been away for close to a month, and you’ve settled into a routine. Cases, of course, keep you busy. Derek’s rather good at playing unit chief - decisive and collaborative - but you miss Aaron’s steady, even hand.

Really, you miss everything about him. You try not to think about him too much.

You fail, often.

Avoiding thoughts of Aaron gets even harder as you creep into the master bedroom. The smell of him hasn’t left. Past the doorway, the air is spicy, masculine, and warm. You squint at the bed. One of the pillows moves, just a little, and you pounce, pulling the covers back and grabbing the wiggling pillow.

Jack screeches and throws himself at you. You catch him and fall back on the bed, laughing. “I found you!”

Jess is off running errands for the afternoon, taking some well-earned time off. You’ll more than likely spend the night over here tonight to give her more of her weekend. It’s never any trouble to stay with Jack. You adore each other.

Usually, Jack leaps right to his feet for another round, but he stays put after his fit of mirth passes, sprawling across your chest.

“What are you thinking about over there?”

He sighs, and brings his little hands under his chin, propping his head up so he can look at you. He’s six (and then some), now - still very much a boy - but the pensive look on his face starkly reminds you of his father. “When’s Dad going to be home?”

You push some hair off his forehead. “I’m not sure, my love. I’m hoping it’s only a couple more weeks, but it could be a little longer than that.”

He sighs, and it breaks your heart a little. You turn on your side, and he curls into you, resting his head on your arm and tucking under your chin. “Are you and my dad best friends? I have a best friend named Connor and he says best friends are really important and I was just wondering.”

You laugh a little. “Yeah, I think so. Your dad and I have known each other for a long time.” His little hands play with the collar of your shirt. There’s more to his question. Jack’s just like his dad and takes a bit of ferreting out. Luckily, you’ve had plenty of practice. “What are you curious about, little bug?”

“Do you miss Dad?”

A track of Aaron’s laugh, his smile, the way his arms feel around you flies through your head. “Yeah, I miss him a lot.”

“I’m happy you’re here so we can miss him together.” You can almost hear Aaron’s voice in Jack’s. It sounds just like something he would say, and probably has said, talking to his son about Haley.

“Me too, buddy.” You kiss the top of his head. “Me too.”

Jess returns about an hour later, groceries in-hand, to find you and Jack curled together in Aaron’s bed, snoozing the afternoon away. She snaps a picture with her phone, saving it in an album she keeps for Aaron. After she puts the groceries away, she escapes, leaving a note.

You’re on your own tonight and tomorrow. Have a good time with breakfast - he’s been picky lately.

XO, Jess

+++

“You know,” Jess says, a little out of the blue one afternoon. “Haley told me something once.”

You snort. “I’d imagine she told you a great number of things.”

“Well, sure. But I mean about you and Aaron.”

It’s pretty stupid that your body decides to panic over absolutely nothing. If this was a polygraph, you’d fail outright. And yet, nothing’s happened between you and Aaron. You’re just friends.

Yeah but you love him.

And he probably loves you, too.

But we're all to chickenshit for that.

What a-fucking-bout it?

You take a little breath and a sip of your tea. “Oh?” You hope the query sounds casual enough and doesn’t give away the cool sweat blossoming over your palms.

Luckily, Jess isn’t a profiler.

“Haley told me - and this was the summer before she died, so it’s not like she told me under duress or anything - that she thought there may have been something between you and Aaron after the divorce.”

She says that like it’s the simplest thing. You’re not sure what to say, so you keep your eyes on the grain of the coffee table, tracing the lines with your eyes. Eventually, you decide to answer in the simplest, most honest way possible.

“There’s never been anything between Aaron and me. He’s one of my best friends and I care about him.” That sounds evasive even to your own ears. “I care about him a lot.”

Jess hums. “I know, but Haley always had a sense about these things. And she knows Aaron better than anyone.”

Her slip into the present tense makes your chest pull.

“I don’t say that to put you on the spot or anything.” She shrugs. “I just think you guys would be good together. You’re good for him and I think he’s good for you, too.”

She’s more right than she knows, but you can’t think about it for too long. You miss him too much.

Out of a need to respond, you offer a half-hearted, “Maybe.”

Jess reaches out. “He’ll be home soon. When he gets back, I think you should at least think about it. Or talk about it.” She shakes her head. “Or something.”

“I have -” You cut yourself off, not really meaning to share.

She squeezes your knee. “I know you have. So has he.”

+++ june 2011 +++

Back to back cases - five of them, to be exact, pull you through the next four weeks by the ear. Formal leadership wears on Derek more and more by the day, and you find yourself making just as many decisions as he does. You’re immensely proud of him, but the whole thing is exhausting. Spencer does his best to slip back into his normal role, but Emily’s loss continues to wear on him. You don’t blame him.

Most days feel held together by duct tape, with you and Rossi acting as the adhesive. All that and the offer in Los Angeles you’ve hardly had time to process.

Thus, your evening with Jess is both well-earned and much needed.

“Wanna crash here tonight?” She sets a mug of tea down on the coffee table in front of you and sits heavily back on the couch. “It’s pretty late.”

You check your watch and find it is indeed late. Before you can answer, your phone rings, and you answer it with an apologetic glance toward Jess. “Hey, Morgan. What’s up?”

“We have sat call notification from Hotch. Can you come in?” He sounds exhausted.

“Yeah, I can be there in twenty. Is everything okay?”

He sighs. “Yeah, looks like a routine check-in.”

Jess sighs, knowing the drill. She goes to the kitchen and pours your tea into a travel mug.

“Are you calling anyone else in?”

“Nope. Just you. See you when you get here.” He hangs up.

You stare at your phone as Jess sits next to you again. “We have a call from Aaron coming in, and I have to head to the office.” She hands you your travel mug, and you take it gratefully.

“You’re welcome back here - I can set up Aaron’s room for you. We’re a lot closer to the office than your place, and I don’t want you to drive if you’re too tired.” She sets a hand on your knee, and you reach over to embrace her.

“Thanks, Jess.”

+++

When you arrive, Derek’s already on the phone. “... So, no leads?... Right.” He looks up and catches your eye. “Here, Hotch.”

You take the phone. “Hey.”

“Hi.” He sounds relieved. “Are you doing okay? How’s Jack?”

His questions make you smile. “We’re good. He’s good. I just left the apartment - Jess and I were having some grown-up movie time.”

You’re warmed by his laugh. “Good. Glad to hear it. I was just telling Derek that the leads out here have gone cold, but we’re still working.”

“Ah. Any chance you’ll be home soon?” You avoid Derek’s searching gaze.

“It doesn’t look that way, no. We’re picking up on some chatter out there, but nothing firm. We’ll have to keep out for a couple more weeks at least.”

Your heart drops, but you hide it as best you can. “Alright. Anything you need from us back here?”

“Just keep doing good work.” You know he can’t say much more than that, with more than a couple of NSA guys in between you on the line, not to mention the archival recording of the call. Even then, you know he means looking for Doyle. “That’s all I need from you.”

“We can do that.” You give him a quick rundown of some recent cases, all surface-level. You’re mostly stalling, using up incredibly expensive satellite time just to hear his voice.

You hear him sigh. “Alright, I gotta get back. Tell Jack and Jess I love them.”

“Of course.” You hand the phone back to Derek and wait while they finish up. Your eyes wander over the volumes of law books in Aaron’s bookshelf, the pictures of Jack and Haley and Jess behind his desk. Wandering over to his chair, you sit down and rest your head on your arms.

Your eyes wander to a photo taken a year and a half ago at Haley’s service. You’re not sure who took it, but you’re crouched on the ground talking to Jack, while Aaron stands behind him with a hand on his head. Jack's little hands are in yours, and he’s smiling a little.

Of all the photos to keep on his desk...

Derek hangs up the sat phone and puts it back in the lockbox. He crosses the office and leans against the desk beside you, placing a hand on your shoulder.

+++

When you get back to the apartment (indeed much closer than your home), Jess is asleep in the guest room, and Jack’s still out like a light.

You change into your pajamas, stuffed into your go bag, and curl up under the covers on Aaron's side of the bed. His pillow smells faintly like him, and you burrow into it.

The bed feels far too big and far too cold without him.

+++

“JJ!” You stand to greet her. “What are you doing here?”

She holds up her credentials. “I’ve been reinstated as a profiler on temporary assignment, so don’t get too excited. It’s a contingent favor for the FBI and I’m sure the State Department will call to collect sometime soon.”

You clear your consults and subpoenas off the desk beside you. “Good to have you back.” Looking over at the intimidating stack of files you ask, “Need anything to do?”

+++ july 2011 +++

The next time a sat call comes in, you can’t go into the office. Jack has the flu and is absolutely miserable. You can’t, in good conscience, leave Jess to her own devices. Between the vomit and the sleeplessness and the tears, four hands are absolutely necessary.

“Derek, I can’t leave. Jack is literally puking his guts out as we speak, and I don’t have any new intel for Hotch.”

Morgan huffs into the phone. “Come on. You know you’re the only one he actually wants to talk to and the only one who has any actual updates about Jack.”

“You just have to tell him that I’m up in the middle of the night with his son, who has the flu. Isn’t that enough of an update?” You don’t really mean to snap at him, but the lack of sleep has made you a little punchy.

“Fine. If he -”

“Yeah, I know. If he gets upset, just blame me. He can deal with me when he’s not in Pakistan. As long as there are five time zones between us, I’ll take my fucking chances.”

“Fair enough.”

He hangs up, and you return to the hall bathroom, where Jack’s cheek is pressed against the toilet seat, his forehead clammy and face pale. Jess is taking her turn to sleep - you’ll switch off in an hour.

“Hey, bubba.”

He mumbles something that sounds like, “Hi.”

“Can I get you some crackers or maybe some Sprite?”

Jack shakes his head and lifts himself up, holding his arms out. The risk of illness far from your mind, you gather him up and lean against the cabinets, rubbing his back.

“Can you try to close your eyes for me?”

“I don’t feel good.” There are a few tears in his voice, and it breaks your heart a little. You’ve so been there.

“I know, baby. I know. Just close your eyes for a minute, okay?”

He does, and his breathing evens out eventually. He’s still feverish, but you’re happy he’s sweating, at least. It could break by morning at this rate.

The makeshift towel-bed on the bathroom floor looks more than inviting. You gingerly shuffle over and lay down, keeping Jack flat against your chest.

It’s the best sleep you’ve had in weeks.

+++

“Strauss offered me that transfer to LA again.”

Derek looks up at you from his report, his brows drawn low over his eyes. “You gonna take it?”

You heave a sigh. Before you can say anything -

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” He puts his pen down, giving you his full attention. “What’s stopping you?”

So many things.

There are only a couple of them you can say aloud. Luckily, they have the benefit of being true, albeit incomplete. “I love this work. I love this team. I don't know if I want to be a lackey for an almost-politician.”

“And?”

He’s got you. He knows there’s more because he knows you. Even then, you can’t bring yourself to say exactly what it is that’s holding you back. So, you hedge your answer, knowing he’ll understand.

“I can’t -” leave Aaron and Jack. You clear your throat. “I can’t leave this team. Maybe that makes me a coward or suggests a lack of adventure or something, but I can’t do it.”

“It doesn’t,” Derek says. “It makes you human.”

You smile a little.

“And for the record, I don’t want you to leave. And I don’t think Jack and Hotch do, either.”

A little incredulous laugh leaves you. Derek simply smiles, but doesn’t say much else. It makes your point for you.

Nobody else knows you like this team.

+++

The hardest days are the ones where you end up by yourself. Derek’s picked up kickboxing with Penelope, Spencer has withdrawn almost entirely, JJ has her family, and Rossi retreats to the cabin by the lake with an alarming degree of regularity.

Thank God he’s not as cranky as Gideon.

That would be too spooky.

Everyone is out of the office, scattered to their respective distractions. You sit on the floor of Aaron’s office, leaning against his desk. Your laptop sits open in front of you, but you’re only half paying attention to the movie playing.

It was only this afternoon you realized his office smelled more like stale paper, your house, and Tiger Balm than Aaron, and it broke your heart a little. Your only solace was his apartment - the evidence of his existence was inescapable there. With Emily gone for good, you often needed the reminder.

His office phone rings. You pause the movie, stand, and answer it.

“Agent Hotchner’s office.”

NSA is on the other side, dry and professional. “We have an incoming call from Agent Hotchner. Is Agent Morgan available?”

You tell him he’s not, but that you’re the next in line to receive task force updates. In an equally dry and professional tone, you relay your credentials and your unique intel code.

“Thank you. Please stand by.” Click.

You roll your eyes.

God, they’re boring.

Sitting down at Aaron’s desk, you wait for the armed guard to arrive with the phone. As per protocol, you’ll sign for the call and remove it from the lockbox yourself. You’ll return it for pickup when the call is completed.

The guard shows up and you step through the motions, finally getting the phone to your ear.

“Hey.”

“Oh, it’s you.” He sounds surprised, but not displeased.

You laugh a little. “Yeah, it’s me. Morgan’s unavailable at the moment.”

“I see. Is Jack feeling any better?”

“Yeah. He’s been alright for about a week now. It was a pretty nasty bug, but he’s a trooper. Any new chatter down your way?” You trace the wood grain of his desk with your finger, only a little absent-minded.

“There’s a little bit of activity on the border. We’re monitoring the situation. Is everything going okay over there?”

“Yeah, for the most part. We’ve been feeling the heat a little since Seaver transferred to Andy’s unit, but we’re managing alright. Dave’s called JJ back in to lend a hand, and she’s doing really well.”

He hums. “That was a smart idea.”

“I’ll tell him you said so.”

“Oh, please don’t. It’ll go straight to his head.”

You smile. “Fair point. Any updates on the timetable?”

When are you coming home? Please make it soon.

“Not at the moment. I think we’re getting closer. Few more weeks.” There’s something behind his voice you can’t quite grasp, but you let it go.

“Alright. Keep us posted.”

“Will do. You know the drill.”

“I sure do. I’ll relay the information to the team, tell your son you love him, and talk to you in a couple of weeks.”

You can almost hear his smile. “Exactly. Talk soon.”

“Be safe, Aaron.”

“Hey, before you go,” he says. “Can you, um -”

You smile, tracing the wood grain on his desk. “I’ll tell Haley you said Happy Birthday.”

“Thanks.”

+++

Jess’s hand only shakes a little as she lights the candle and holds the cupcake between the three of you. While she takes care of the cake and begins to sing with Jack, you hold the camera, filming the impromptu party so Aaron can see it when he comes home.

“Okay, Jack you have to help Mom blow out the candle,” Jess says, holding the cupcake in front of him. With a great amount of glee, Jack extinguishes the candle with a big breath and a laugh.

You turn the camera on Jess, who says, “We couldn't let Haley’s forty-first go unrecognized - she’s officially old and we had to let her know.”

With a laugh of your own, you turn the camera around and wave before turning it off.

“Can I eat the cake now?” Jack asks.

Jess nods, pulling the candle and setting it aside on your picnic blanket. “Of course, but after we eat some fruit, okay? I don’t want the ants to get to the basket before you do.”

The July sunshine beats down on the three of you, picnicking beside Haley’s resting place. It is, in fact, her forty-first birthday. You can only imagine the look on her face she would have adopt when you reminded her of her age.

“Oh please,” she’d say. “When you get to be as old as me, you’ll never hear the end of it.”

Jack sits in the sun, munching on a little apple slice. You reach over, rubbing a little splotch of sunscreen into his skin. He already has a little sunburn from your adventure to the District earlier in the week and you’re not about to make your life even harder.

Aaron’s absence, even in its fourth month, is glaring. Jack has mostly stopped waking in the middle of the night looking for him and having regular meltdowns, but he always looks up when the front door opens with an expectant look that breaks your heart. He’s an adaptable kid, but months without contact from his father have taken their toll. If you’re honest, it surprised you a little bit.

With a little bit of perspective, months are different than days, or even a week or two. Jack relies on Aaron more than you realized and the difficulty of helping Jess where you can has only further illuminated your ignorance.

“Will Mom always have a birthday?” Jack asks.

Jess looks over at him. “What do you mean?��

He thinks for a moment, a little pensive. “I mean, because she’s not here. Do people who aren’t here still have birthdays?”

“They do,” she replies. “That’s why we have to celebrate for them. They aren’t here, but it’s still special.”

He nods, a kind of understanding look on his face that makes you think he knows exactly what that means.

+++

“Yeah?”

You smile. It’s been a minute since you heard his voice, over the phone or otherwise. “Hey, Dr. Reid. How’s Vegas?”

“Hot. But it’s nice to be home.”

“How’s your mom?” You trace aimless patterns over the mat on Aaron’s desk, watching the suede imprint and erase as you go.

He sighs. “She’s alright. I think she’s about ready to kick me out, though.”

“It’s only been three weeks,” you laugh. “Surely you can make yourself useful?”

“I sent in her most recent publication to the journal, so I’ve outgrown my use until I find her a new thesis.”

You can almost see it - the two geniuses, mother and son, bickering over a game of chess or fourteenth-century novel. “Better find her a new thesis, then.”

Spencer’s thin smile is audible through the phone. “Guess so. How are things over there?”

“It’s a little hectic. It’s just me, JJ, Morgan, and Rossi now. Penelope’s still working with us regularly, but counter-terrorism keeps pulling her for ‘special projects,’ whatever that means.”

You don’t mean to guilt him into coming back or anything - you know he needs the time to recharge. He’ll come back when he wants to or feels he needs to but at this point, there’s hardly a difference between four and five agents on the team. You need Aaron. And Emily.

“With the amount of summer task forces coalescing, that doesn’t surprise me.” He pauses. “I’ll probably spend a few more weeks here unless there are any developments between now and then.”

By developments, you know it means any confirmed sighting of your target. “That sounds like a plan. We’ll be glad to have you back but take your time. You’ve more than earned it.”

“Thanks.”

+++ august 2011 +++

“How’s Jack?”

“He’s doing alright,” you tell him. “He misses you.”

I miss you.

Aaron sighs. There isn’t time for everything he wants to say, even less for the things he could. “I’m probably going to miss his first day.”

“That’s what I figured.” It's hard to think about and probably going to be harder than you can imagine, especially if there’s a case that takes you away from home. “Jess will take lots of pictures and I’m sure he’ll be happy to tell you all about it when you get home.”

It’s hard to keep the bitterness from your voice, but neither one of you could have anticipated this would go on for this long. ‘Over the summer’ seems a little abstract until the end of the summer arrives.

This isn’t his fault. It isn’t. You know that.

But it’s his fault for going in the first place.

Conceptual anger isn’t useful. That’s another thing of which you’re keenly aware.

And yet…

“Thank you for being there for them,” he says, as if he’s reading your mind. “I know this isn’t easy.”

There’s nothing you can really say, but you hum anyway.

The pair of you are just eating satellite time now, so you say goodbye and good luck before tipping your head back against his office chair.

When the tears slip down your cheeks, you’re not sure if you miss him more than you’re mad at him or the other way around.

+++

“Chief Strauss?” You knock lightly on her door and she beckons you in, just finishing up a phone call. She gestures to the little sitting area in the corner of her office, and you make yourself comfortable on one of the couches.

She hangs up and joins you. “Have you thought more about the offer?”

“I have. Thank you for your patience. I know it’s been a little while since we first spoke about it.”

Erin waves her hands, brushing off the implied apology. “The BAU’s work in the last few weeks has been exemplary. I’m impressed, especially considering the significant funding and personnel obstacles you’re facing at the moment.”

You laugh a little. “I hope that doesn’t make anyone think working with this many people is acceptable, ma’am.”

“No,” she assures you. “I’ve made that very clear.”

There’s a small moment of silence before you speak again.

“I won’t be accepting the position in Los Angeles.”

Strauss sighs but doesn’t look surprised. “That’s as I expected. I will, however, add something that I did not share with you before to further inform your choice.”

You sit up a little straighter, a little more attentive.

“The push for a transfer is also in an effort to protect your reputation. I know the BAU has continued investigating Ian Doyle and while that is noble, it could go very wrong. And that much is above my head. DHS, ATF, NSA - they could all be upset by your unofficial involvement. This could go as high as Congress and could result in your permanent termination from the bureau, making you ineligible for work in federal law enforcement.”

“Yes, ma’am. High risk, high reward.” You shrug. “Or at least, that’s what Dr. Reid tells me.”

A wan smile pulls at her mouth. “Yes. As long as you’re comfortable with the consequences.”

“I am, ma’am.”

“Good.”

+++ september 2011 +++

“Alright, buddy! You ready to go?”

Jack adjusts the straps on his little backpack while Jess finishes putting his lunch together. “I’m ready. Just need lunch.”

“It’s right here!” Jess says, bringing his Captain America lunchbox to him and strapping it to the outside of his backpack. “You’ve got a ham and cheese sandwich, a juice box, some carrots, and a brownie. Does that sound okay?”

He nods.

“And if it’s not enough, we can always get some more food after school okay? It can be a special treat.”

Jack grins and you all head off to the car together.

+++

The little meltdown arrives when you and Jess move to leave him at the door of his classroom. Jack’s brown eyes get wide and rapidly fill with tears as soon as you take a step away from him.

“Jack, baby, c’mere.” You drop to your knee and open your arms. He steps into them and you can feel his shaky, hiccuping breaths against your shoulder.

While you hold him, you hear Jess debriefing his new teacher about their current situation, and the way things are in general. Dad in Pakistan, dead mom, goes by Jack rather than Jonathan, the whole nine.

“You are so brave,” you whisper into his hair. “You are so smart. You are a good friend and you are safe.”

He nods.

“I’m so sorry your dad can’t be here, honey, but he’s going to be so excited to hear all about it as soon as he gets home. And I'll tell him how brave you are on our next secret superhero phone call.”

‘Secret superhero phone call’ was the best way you could describe using the sat phone (and why Jack couldn't talk to Aaron himself) so you just went with it.

Jack nods again, sniffling a little and pulling back. You reach for him, wiping his tears with your thumbs.

“I love you so much, bud.”

“I love you, too.”

You kiss his forehead, reminding him, “I might have to get on a plane for work, but otherwise I’ll see you after you’re done with your first-ever day of school, okay? This is so exciting!”

He finally smiles, and your work is done. When he steps into the classroom, he doesn’t look back.

+++

Thankfully, you’re not pulled for another case until the end of the week, so you’re able to see Jack through his first-ever week of school.

It hits you more than once that you’re the person next to Jess right now while he hits these milestones. Long gone is that toddler that would giggle in his mother’s arms as she danced around the living room to Hall and Oates. In his place is an insightful little boy with a rapidly burgeoning sense of humor and a wickedly kind smile.

You love him.

+++

The entire team got an emergency call, so you're all gathered in the roundtable room when Aaron walks in, looking all the worse for wear and -

Is that a beard?

Wait. He’s back.

You just spoke to him on Monday, with news of a “few more weeks,” even in the face of developments on the Doyle case.

Fucking bastard knew he was coming home, didn’t he?

All of your joy in seeing him evaporates, and you narrow your eyes at him. Just like the last time you were in this room together, there’s an apology in his gaze.

“Welcome back.” Derek doesn’t sound surprised, and your head whips toward him. He doesn’t look at you.

Unbelievable.

“Thanks. Everyone, have a seat.” You follow Aaron’s instructions, and sit, crossing your arms. It’s childish, sure, but the balance of personal and professional life has flown out the window.

This feels like a personal slight, rather than a professional one. You try to push it away, but it lingers in your sternum like a lit flare. It’s uncomfortable, and you hate it.

“Why?” Derek sounds a little concerned. Your anger cools a little bit. Derek doesn't actually know anything. “What’s going on? Is everything alright?”

“Seven months ago I made a decision that affected this team.” You notice, brow furrowed, that JJ stands beside Hotch like an ally. They both have odd looks on their faces. “As you all know, Emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle.”

No.

“The doctors were able to stabilize her. She was airlifted from Boston to Bethesda under a covert exfiltration.”

No.

“Her identity was strictly need-to-know. She stayed there until she was well enough to travel. She was reassigned to Paris, where she was given several identities, none of which we had access to for her security.”

No.

There’s silence, and you can’t tear your eyes from Aaron.

“She’s alive?”

“We buried her...”

Penelope and Spencer’s comments rush past you and you feel much like you did in the waiting room on that horrible, horrible night seven months ago.

“As I said, I take full responsibility for the decision. If anyone has any issues, they should be directed toward me.”

His eyes finally meet yours, and you find your vision blurred. You blink away your tears.

It was a necessary lie.

You go into this business expecting to be lied to.

Not by Aaron.

That’s not the issue and you know it. He left.

He missed Jack’s first day of school. He was gone for five months.

He left us.

“Any issues?” Derek’s disbelief is marred by hurt, but you can’t reassure him through your own shock. “Yeah, I got issues.”

He’s cut off by Penelope’s glance toward the doorway.

The team, save for JJ and Hotch, rushes toward her. You’re stuck to your seat until she approaches you. At her touch, you come back to life, throwing yourself into her arms. Her name sounds strangled leaving your mouth. “Emily.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.” Her grip on you is tight, but your arms, looped around her shoulders, don’t feel like they’re attached to your body.

She lets you go and continues to speak. Derek’s frozen, and you can’t imagine for a minute what’s going on in his head. Emily wraps around him. He’s stock still, his eyes misty. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding when he brings his hand to her shoulder, his cheek falling onto the side of her head.

It’s back to business faster than you can blink, and now you’re sure you’re not the only one ready to kill Aaron where he stands. Derek is livid.

They stare at each other while Spencer starts asking questions. Eventually, they focus back. Aaron crosses to you, contributing where necessary.

You don’t acknowledge him. It’s horrible. You hate being so angry with him, but there’s nothing to be done.

You can’t be upset at him about Emily. There’s too much to understand, and yet the initial shock of it is like a never-ending bucket of cold water poured over your body.

Selfishly, you realize you’re upset with him because he didn’t tell you he was coming home. It’s so small when there are other, much bigger, issues to address.

Emily’s lie is professional. Just part of the job. This one feels personal.

You’re a child. Let it go.

He knew and he left.

He missed Haley's birthday.

He knew and he left.

He shouldn't have gone.

He didn’t tell you he was coming home.

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner #hotch x reader #hotch #aaron hotchner imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds #tali writes fanfiction #tali talks cm #a joyful future fanfic

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91percentpynch · 3 years

Text

jean moreau x pride months

happy pride month kids, here‘s some wholesome jerejean content for your soul!! does this make any sense? no. is it a mess? yes. hope you enjoy this!!

the first pride month

it‘s the beginning of june and jeremy starts acting weird

he smiles more, the real smile normally reserved for winning an exy game or when he‘s alone with jean

he started drawing flags on his face or on his eye lids, jeremy never wore make-up, not more than his usual eyeliner and nail polish

„what does that mean?“, jean asks, pointing at the flags on his cheeks.

„the pink, yellow, blue one means i‘m pan. you know, i like more than one gender, i told you that already. and the grey, purple, white and black one that looks like an arrow? that means i‘m demisexual, you know how i only feel sexual attraction to people i have a bond with? that‘s demisexual. those are pride flags, it‘s pride month. didn‘t you know that?“

of course jean didn‘t know, after all he was locked up in a bassement for 10 years and he didn‘t exactly talk the first time he came over here last year at the end of june.

„what‘s pride month?“, jean asked softly, knowing that jeremy would never judge him, never think he was stupid.

„it‘s a month for lgbtqa+ folks. that stands for lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgender, questioning, asexuals, aromantics and everything inbetween. we celebrate ourselves this month, show how proud we are of ourselves and our community. we celebrate marsh johnson, the black transgender, gay sex worker who started the riots, stonewell, and basically threw a brick at a police officer and started the fight for gay rights“

„how do you know you‘re not straight?“, jean asked quietly. thinking about the way his mind keeps wandering back to jeremy, keeps wandering back to the thought of kissing him, holding his hand, the feeling of his soft, badly dyed ginger hair between his fingers.

„well i always payed more attention to the personality, than the gender. i never really cared what‘s between the legs. and it took me quite a while to figure out that i only feel sexual attraction to people when i have a connection to them“

„have you ever kissed a guy?“, jean asked, curiously now. in the nest it was forbidden, but kevin wanted to try it once, in the dark of the night, the saftey of their room. jean couldn‘t tell if he enjoyed it or not, he never really felt any kind of attraction really. only bone deep fear. burning anger. and whatever the fuck his heart was doing when kevin held him close.

„yeah, i had a boyfriend throughout highschool, sophmore year until the end of summer of our senior year. and then freshman year of college i had this girlfriend who was really controlling and yeah. that‘s it. have you?“, his voice was soft, it reminded jean of the sunlight forming some kind of halo behind jeremy.

„kevin wanted to try it once. riko caught us. that‘s how it began“, jean replied, a shadow crossing over both his and jeremy‘s face. in a moment of weakness, at the beginning, jean told jeremy what they did to him in the nest, after jeremy accidentally touched him from behind.

„do you want to try it again?“, jeremy asked, a small smile on his lips. „with me, that is“, he added, barely audible.

„okay“, jean replied, leaning in.

jean was a couple inches taller than jeremy, and jeremy had to stand on his tiptoes to close the last few inches between them.

it was a soft kiss, a different than the stolen ones from kevin. better. these tasted like sunlight, like warmth, like home.

jean kissed jeremy back. carefully, softly, being scared he would break him, destroy him with his darkness.

„how was it?“, jeremy smiled at him after they were done, exchanging kisses, not stealing them. they were equals, no one would hurt him for wanting this

„i think i‘m only attracted to you“, jean admitted quietly. „but like not sexually. i don‘t like sex. never did. i never thought anyone was sexually attractive, i never wanted this and i still don‘t. i‘m sorry“

„you don‘t have to apologize, jean. that‘s being called asexual, the lack of sexual attraciton that is. and the not wanting sex part? sex repulsed. very valid. i will never be like them, i will never force you to do anyhting you‘re not comfortable with“

„and what if you miss having sex and want it and i can‘t give it to you?“, jean asked, tears burning behind his eyes. „i‘m not worth of your light, your warmth, your love as it is. i‘m broken, i‘m dark, i‘m everything you don‘t deserve. you deserve someone who is fixed and happy and can give you the entire world and go places without a panic attack and and and“

„ssh, jean. it‘s alright. it‘s alright. i want you. no one but you. i really, really like you and i am glad you like me to. you‘re not broken, you‘re not dark. you are wonderful. and no one is fixed, we‘re all a little broken in our own ways. i struggled with an eating disorder. i have adhd. sometimes i feel a little sad without any reason and can‘t get out of bed. sometimes i can‘t sleep and other days i could sleep for days. i don‘t need the entire world, i just need you“

it was this june, about a year after jean arrived in california, that he not only found a person who saw more in him than his scars, but a person who loved him not despite of them but for them

the second pride month

it‘s been a year since jean and jeremy kissed for the first time. a year full of highs and lows, fights and making up, miscommunication and cuddles, sweet kisses and ones tasting of tears. but it was also the year jean figured out that he might not be a boy after all.

„do you ever feel like you‘re not a entirely a boy?“, jean asked softly, threading his fingers through jeremy‘s soft blonde hair.

„dude, i‘m genderfluid, remember? alvarez bursted in our room and threw these in our face so people could refer to me with the right pronouns“

„that‘s why you changed your middle name to sol isn‘t it? because you like the sun and you like your hispanic heritage and it‘s a female name?“

„exactamente mi corazón“

„what are you today?“, jean asked softly, as he did every day.

„they/them, i don‘t feel like a guy or a girl today. just vibing“

„i- i think i‘m not entirely a boy either. like i know i was born as a boy and i‘m okay with that. but i feel like there‘s more to that. i can‘t put it in words but i think i want to try to go by he/ they. what do you call those people who don‘t quite find in the binary? i think i‘m that“

„that‘s nonbinary darling. i‘m proud of you. you‘re doing great“

jean didn‘t know how to repeat to that so he just decided to pull jeremy closer to him.

this pride month jean found a little part of himself, another puzzle piece to the mystery that his own person and it felt like a tiny little step towards a future he never dreamt he would have.

it was also the month he started wearing nail polish, because he loved the look on jeremy‘s face when they did them. occasionally he will wear some eyeliner.

the third pride month

another year passed, this year jean got himself a support dog. to help with the anxiety attacks. to help him heal.

it‘s a dalmatiner, called luna. she was trained to feel when he is uncomfortable and come closer to him, licking his hands, being close, being there

it is also the month he wanted to join jeremy for pride

„what are you today?“

„a girl i think. jeremy or sol are both fine“

„will you draw the flags on my face?“, he asked on the day of the parade.

„are you sure you want to go honey?“, sol asked softy, while she went to the bathroom to get her things.

„would i have asked if it wasn‘t moi amour?“, jean replied. „wait hold on, don‘t answer that“, he laughed looking at jeremy‘s face.

„but i‘m sure. first of all it makes you happy. second of all you missed it the last two years. third of all it will piss kevin off and i love that almost as much as i love. and lastly i have luna, she makes sure i‘m fine and i can always leave when i feel uncomfortable“

„okay, babe. what do you want me to do?“

„i want my flags on my face and maybe you can do my nails“, jean replied, smiling at jeremy as he did ever so often. „cover the tatoo, will you?“, he asked softly, touching the cursed three, counting the days for his cover up appointment in july.

„it‘s soon gone honey. it‘s gonna be alright“, jeremy whispered, feeling the tension in jean‘s shoulders.

„which color do you want your nails? mine are pastel rainbow look! alvarez got me those for my birthday last month! do you want matching nails?“

„whatever you want darling, you can choose“

„neat!“

this year jeremy‘s hair were a soft pink. it was 2 am when he bursted into the room whisper shouting „jean i‘m gay i must do something drastic to my hair. help me?“ and who was jean to question his beautiful date mate.

so jeremy took jean‘s face carefully in his hands, starting to draw jean‘s pride flags (demiromantic, asexual, nonbinary) on his face, hiding his tattoo underneath the black/ white/grey/ purple stripes of the asexual pride flag.

„they have no power over you anymore mi corazón. and if anyone gives you shit i will come for them“, jeremy whisperes against jean‘s lips before softly kissing them. „and now give me your beautiful hands so i can do your nails. i‘m feeling a pastel rainbow“

for the parade jean is wearing one of the shirts jeremy got him. it‘s yellow with a rainbow on it. „so you have a little brightness in your life“, he would tell him when he go it for him. it was before they started dating. it was before jean was able to tell him „but you are the brightest thing in the world and somehow you chose me as your person“, paired with light blue ripped jeans and his yellow fans. they started wearing yellow when they came to california, cutting off black completely, replacing it with colors and brightness.

jeremy on the other hand wore rainbow dungarees with a white shirt and white doc martens. his hair was up in two space buns, little pride flags put into them.

„do you think they get the hint?“, she smiled with a blinding smile.

„you‘re so unbelieveably beautiful sol“, jean replied.

they got luna and went to the parade.

it was scary, yes. but it was also beautiful.

people approaching them, asking for selfies, talking to him.

at first he was a bit anxious, but sol took their hand and luna licked his feet and it was alright. no one was hurting him. no one would punish him. he was surrounded by pride and love and happiness.

at some point he asked a girl with rainbow hair, she reminded him of renee, if she could take a picture of him and jeremy. she said yes, took one of them smiling, one of them kissing, and one of them where jeremy just smiled at his person.

it was the pride month he came out via social media. it was the pride month kevin called at two am, telling him how happy he was for them. that he himself found a boy, fell for him, but is too much a coward to do something about it. it‘s the year where he gets a lot of love, many fans telling him how proud they are of him and at least the same amount of hate. but it was alright. they had jeremy and that was all that truly mattered.

now

year after year they returned to the pride parade, with flags on their faces, or around their shoulders

sometimes neil and andrew or aaron and kevin would join them, sometimes they would go with laila and alvarez and sometimes jean and jeremy would go on their own

after college jean quit exy, jeremy went pro and gave his money to moriyamas, while jean opened his own tattoo studio, wrote songs, wrote crappy poetry and slightly better novels, tried himself as a part time model and fashion designer

they found happiness and home in each other and celebrated their love not only in pride but also every single day of the year

jean and jeremy got more dogs, an apartment of their own with big windows so they could watch the sunrise and sunset together

they have their ups and downs, like every other couple, but that doesn‘t matter. never did. what truly matters is that they keep finding back to each other. that they keep ending up in the same bed, in each others arms.

jean moreau never believed in love, never believed in soulmates and yet he found their soulmate, found the love of his life. and they are happy they stayed, kept fighting, to find this. to make a difference to the world. to be finally free. to be alive, living instead of only existing.

„jean?“, jermey says, fidgeting with his fingers.

„what is it moi soleil?“, jean relies getting lost in these ocean blue eyes.

„do you remember what happened five years ago?“, jeremy asks, his eyes looking anywhere but jean.

„we kissed for the first time?“, jean answers, panic slowly crawling through his veins.

„exactly so i thought we could celebrate this at the beach. you know, where our first date was?“, jeremy says nervously.

„honey are you alrighgt?“, jean is getting more and more worried, jeremy has never been that nervous.

„sure, come on mi corazón“

so jean slowly gets up and carefully puts on his shoes. something is weird here, something is wrong

jeremy seems off the entire ride to the beach they had their first date at.

when they arrive jean takes jeremy‘s hand, noticing that they are shaking ever so slightly. it is something like a nervous tick of them.

jean and jeremy arrive at the beach in time to watch the sun setting, making place for her lover the moon.

jean looks over to jeremy, when they suddenly get up and start pacing.

„jer, you‘re scaring me. please tell me what‘s going on up there“, jean says touching his head lightly.

„okay. i can do this“, jeremy mumbles as he gets down on his knee. „jean moreau, you are the love of my life. the light of my existence. ever since i saw you for the first time i knew i liked you, more than i was supposed to. i never dared to hope you would ever like me, or love me for that matter, but somehow you did. somehow you didn‘t turn away when i told you i‘m demi or pan or genderfluid. you stayed. you supported me. you love me. and i want to spend the rest of my life with you, so do me the favour and in the name of god, should they exist, do me the favour and marry me“

jean feels tears running his cheeks. „of course i will marry you, you loser“, he laughs, as he pulls jeremy down to him and connects their lips together. and it feels like their first kiss. it always does. and they would do that for the rest of their lives.

#all for the game #the foxhole court #the raven king #the king’s men #jeremy knox #jean moreau #jerejean #jeremy knox x jean moreau #ship: jerejean

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sweetleaf-cafe · 3 years

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I was wondering if you could do a scenario where dazai's s/o Is like umaru from 'umaru-chan'? Like at the day time she's the perfect girl and is helpful and kind then when she gets home she's a gamer who is legit so lazy and eats too many potato chips? Thank you! Do take your time!

Thank you for the request! We are happy to do this fic for you! Please note that we decided to keep this gender neutral so that a wider audience can enjoy this piece!

TW: Dazai (A.K.A. Mentions of suicide.)

(Y/n) smiled as they helped the old lady cross the street, helped comfort a child and bought them some ice cream, helped a lady with her bags. They were the perfect example, when they walked the streets it was like they glowed. "Do you see them?" "They are golden child, their parents are blessed," "They are so cute! Do you think they would go out with me?" People would whisper as they passed, as (Y/n) skipped up to their apartment they saw a kitten about to cross the road as a car approached, right away they grabbed it before it could be hit, sighing (Y/n) scolded the scrap of fur lightly "You should be more careful, here I will help you cross."

"Well aren't you a kind soul for helping a kitten... maybe you could do a double suicide with me!" A voice said out of now where, jumping up in surprise (Y/n) looked around to find a tall man approaching them running a childish grin on his face "Hey you! Come join me in a romantic double suicide!" He yelled jumping, (Y/n) dodged and the man fell face-first on the ground, the kitten meowed like it was laughing. "I am so sorry you just surprised me! Here let me help you up!" (Y/n) said scrambling to help the man up and bowing, the man chuckled, "I'm fine, but back to my offer, do you want to join me!?" He asked, (Y/n) sweatdropped. "Um, well, sorry but I have a lot to live for like helping at daycares and stuff, I hope you find someone to do a double suicide with you one day." (Y/n) responded, the man looked down sad but then smiled and looked back at (Y/n). "Hey! Hey! What's your name? Mine is Osamu Dazai!" He said shaking (Y/n)'s hand vigorously, "I-I-I a-a-am (Y-Y/n) (L/n-n), u-u-m-m-m co-u-ld y-ou pl-ea-se sto-p sh-ak-ing m-y-y han-d-d-d " (Y/n) responds and Dazai lets go of their hand. "Tehee, sorry I was just so excited to meet a beautiful person like you, " He said scratching the back of his neck. (Y/n) shook their head. "It's fine, now if you will excuse me , " (Y/n) said bowing, the kitten meowed like, 'Hello, I am still here!' "Oh sorry, here let's cross the street now " (Y/n) said looking both ways and crossing the street, to her surprise Dazai followed them. "Um, why are you following me?" (Y/n) asked and Dazai gave a toothy grin "Because such a lovely being like you shouldn't be alone in this big city, I will escort you to where you live!" He said, (Y/n) gives him a sweet smile but in their head, all they can think is, 'Is he an idiot? I just want to go home and play games, eat potato chips, and go to bed, oh well, if he is just walking me home that's fine.' "Thank you " (Y/n) says and the odd pair continue on their way. When they at last reach (Y/n) apartment, (Y/n) turns. "Thank you for escorting me, but I am fine now." (Y/n) said and then began to walk to their room, Dazai still following their. "Um, why are you following me to my room?" (Y/n) asked, facing him. "Oh well, I was a little hungry so I was wondering if I could have something to eat..." He asked all that (Y/n) could think was ' IS HE FOR REAL?! ASKING FOR FOOD! Ok, ok, calm down (Y/n), be the sweet person that everyone thinks you are, no that you are, here I go.' "Oh! Of course, let me go get something for you!" (Y/n) says quickly and turns, walking to their room, they unlocked the door and took of their shoes, "Please wait here, I will be right back, are you allergic to anything?" They ask and Dazai shakes his head, quickly grabbing the first bag of chips they could get their hands on, they walked back to where Dazai was supposed to be waiting, but he was gone. "Um, Dazai-san?" (Y/n) called out worried, "I'm in here!" He said, it was coming from their living room 'HE WAS SUPPOSED TO WAIT HERE!' (Y/n) internally screamed rushing into the room, there they found Dazai trying to make a nose with their controller wires. When he saw (Y/n) enter, he smiled brightly and waved, (Y/n) felt their eyes twitch "Um, what are you doing?" They asked in a calm voice "Oh! Well, I got bored waiting so I came in here, I saw these lovely wires and decided to make a noose, also it's pretty messy in here!" He said as he stood on their (Y/n) gamer chair and tied the handmade noose to a support beam, "Dazai-san, could you please not hang yourself in my living room? And please untie your noose," (Y/n) said Dazai looked down at them with puppy eyes but after a look on their face he did exactly what they said. Once that situation was sorted (Y/n) gave Dazai his bag of chips and began to usher him out the door, "Do you have everything? Good, well I hope to see you again (not) and I hope you find someone to commit double suicide with!" You spoke in a rush, because one you were embarrassed, two in the rush you gave him your favorite brand of chips and you couldn't ask for

back, three he bent the cords on your controllers. As Dazai began to walk out he stopped and turned to face (Y/n), "It's all right to take a break and be lazy sometimes, also your secret is safe with me, thanks for the chips!" He said and left, (Y/n) sat against the door frame admiring the setting sun, they didn't really regret giving him their favorite chips anymore at least for now~ (Later...) "THAT SUICIDAL CHIP STEALER!" (Y/n) screamed as they realized that Dazai stole all of their favorite potato chips.

#dazai x reader #x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs scenario #dazai #osamu dazai #bungou stray dogs fluff #dazai fluff #bungou stray dogs headcanons #dazai headcanons #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #fluff #dazai scenario

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xnchxntmxnt · 3 years

Note

OMG HAPPY 2OO LUV!! ILYSM, AND YOU DEFINITELY DESERVE MORE!! AS EXPECTED I'M HERE FOR THE MATCHUP EVENT AND I'M SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE KSDJFHSDF

1 | name : amie 2 | pronouns : s/her 3 | preferred gender : doesn't really matter 4 | self-description :

— it's ya clown sho <3 anyway, i'm an ambivert but more inclined towards the introvert side. my MBTI is INFJ and i'm a Gemini. i'd describe myself as someone who's very observant? yea, i guess. i'm awkward and you know it. My favorite color is blue, specifically sapphire, but i love all pastel colors. My fav show is Chicago Medical and all the psychological and crime thrillers out there are my favorite ( silent patient is my #1 though ) I love painting, playing piano and basketball!

— what i look in a partner you ask, uh, someone who can tolerate my silence. there are times when i go quiet for a whole day, i'll barely speak, no interaction nothing. i want someone who'd not exactly 'deal with it' but 'understand it.' also, i want someone who i can talk to without any hesitation. i have a hard time opening up so i don't do it but when i do, i spill almost everything. i might cry, might have anxiety attack, i might even shout. i know it's not very healthy but i want someone who can help me with those. plus someone who i can read with please <3 cheating and not having any respect for personal space would be the major deal breaker for me

5 | gen. aesthetic : my fashion sense starts from sweats and ends in sweats. i'm a big fan of those oversized hoodies and shirts, like something really comfy. however, i do have a collection of formal wears like blazers and dress.

6 | color/s to describe myself : red, actually. if not read then blue. it switchers but red 90% of the times.

7 | fav song/s : literally everything by Chase Atlantic and The Neighborhood. However, my absolute favorites are some of the famous classical pieces like Experience by Ludovico Einaudi and Chopin's Ballade No. 1 Op 23.

8 | fav genre of music : classical music ( Beethoven, Einaudi and Chopin own my heart )

Lol this is very lengthy I'm sorry, btw congrats again!

I looked into MBTI, I looked into zodiacs, I went off of what you said

Here he is, the man, Seijoh’s do-it-all guy

HANAMAKI TAKAHIRO ur new boyfriend

There is not enough content for him, anyway

How You Met

Bear with me here

Think about this

Artist!hanamaki

You love painting? Art club.

Idk if youre actually in any art club but shhh

Anyway, it was probably some sort of community thing full of tons of different age artists (bc you’d have basketball or something after school and he had volleyball)

So like once a week on thursday afternoons everyone gets together and does all sorts of artsy stuff

Everyone listens to lo fi music (or you can bring headphones) and chit chat and just paint for a couple hours

Its in the back section of a library (bc the library near me does stuff like this its awesome) so if you want you can go read a book while you wait for things to dry

One day the person that ran it suggested you talked to the new guy

He was about your age, it was his first day, they didn't know what all he was good at, and tbh they thought you two would look cute together

Just the vibes yk

So you set up your canvas and stuff next to him and introduced yourself

And you guys just vibe to the playlist

He’s REALLY good

Compliments you a lot too

Which is fun because he’s cute so it makes you a little flustered

You find out you guys go to the same school and he’s on the VB team

And says he has a (practice) game that weekend and asks you to come if you can

Which you do

And they win! So its fun!

Matsukawa basically asks you out for him though

He’s heard all about you already

“You don't get it issei! She’s so pretty!! God, she touched my hand and I thought I was gonna die!!!!!” “the enthusiasm is new for you” “shut up asshole” (conversation from the night before)

So he walks up to you after the game and is like “Hey so,,, we’re going out to get some lunch, you wanna come?”

Makki thinks HES flirting with you and is pissed off about it

Until you all sit down for lunch and oh, the only open spot for him is next to you (since when is matsukawa willing to sit between iwaizumi and oikawa??)

He asked you out after art club that week (Mattsun threatened not to give him any more monster for the rest of the month if he didn't get the guts to do it)

General Headcanons

You date hanamaki, you're also dating matsukawa

There’s no separating them (good thing ur MBTIs work together too, especially for strong friendships)

This was literally my first thought

Good luck with both these trolls

More on that later

Of course he’s going to be worried if you go radio silent for a while, but he'll understand

There are some days he’s not gonna wanna talk either

He’s really supportive on your bad days of course

Expect a random text in the middle of the evening from him

“Hiya sweetheart, just wanted to remind you that you’re beautiful, I love you, and I hope your day is going well.”

When he’s having a bad day, the same thing is all he needs from you to keep moving

He’s a really honest person. If you want to talk to him, be prepared not to get any sugar coating. If you tell him to shut up because you don’t want advice, he will. But if you expect advice from him, expect brutally honest advice. Subtlety is not his strong suit, so when it comes to advice, he’s going to tell it like it is. He's just trying to help, yknow?

However, he’s pretty good with people, so will know how to comfort you when something is bothering you. Tea and cuddles? Gotcha. Dancing at 11pm because neither of you want to sleep yet? On it. You want him to hold you? Perfect.

He’s not like...the most touchy person? There are some things he’s really indifferent on, and other things he’s stubborn as hell with. Whatever you wanna do, though

His weakness though

⚠️this part is slightly little bit suggestive⚠️

He will randomly walk up to you and pull you against him, give you a really deep kiss, smirk and walk away like nothing happened

Like hands in hair probably almost making out and then just

Walk away

Because that’s how he kisses and it’s breathtaking every time

It’s either little temple kisses or forehead or cheek pecks or something

Or that

And probably leaves you flustered and it’s funny (to him) (and to me if I was there with you) (bc that would be funny)

Hmm I’m thinking

I’m thinking hair dye dates

He needs help doing his hair from time to time Y’know (he doesn’t he just likes spending time with you) and he wants to make it pink again

So he teaches you how to do his hair and even offers to dye yours one day

Either just a strand or the ends or everything, up to you

Imagine having twinning hair dye with makki isn’t that cute

I think it’s cute

I said ur platonically dating mattsun right

Yes you are now

He absolutely adores you and loves how much makki loves you

Probably would have asked you out if makki didn’t but he was really pushing for makki to because he was just all over you in the beginning

He wasn’t overly attached to you romantically so being friends? Perfect. Sounds great

You two get along wonderfully though like you act like siblings once you warm up to each other

Again, very brutally honest person, but a little more awkward so doesn’t know what he’s saying might come off as he’s acting like a dick

He doesn’t try to though and he does really care about you

Flat out told makki if he breaks up with you and breaks your heart he’s gonna kick his ass (makki doesn’t know he had the same (less aggressive) conversation with you)

Tbh all of the VBC at seijoh loves you

Oikawa loves talking to you he thinks you’re great for makki

Gets you in on he and makki and mattsun’s antics

Iwa thinks you’re good too he just doesn’t know you as well

I think that kunimi would like you (he was almost a runner up--)

Kindaichi too

The first years just think you’re cool even if they won’t say it out loud

Seijoh VBC loves you

You got mattsun’s approval

And hanamaki loves you with literally everything in his life

You’re pretty set with your strawberry baby huh

Date Night!

SLEEPOVERS

I was waiting for some matchup to come along that gave me sleepover vibes

In a perfect world where you could do sleepovers with your bf because most parents would,,,not let that happen

Imagine…

He shows up at like 7:00 after practice, pizza in hand because he picked up dinner

You two eat, chat about your day, he probably scarfs down half the pie bc it’s after practice ofc he’s hungry

So when you guys are done eating you head up to your room

And make pillow fort

It’s mandatory

Different design every time, but there’s a pillow fort nonetheless

And then when there’s just enough room for the both of you to climb in

You get a blanket and a couple pillows and one of your phones or laptops or whatever and watch a movie and cuddle

When the movie is over you guys break out the face masks

You ever wonder why he has such great skin? It’s thanks to you (or if you don’t have masks, he picks them up on the way home from practice)

But anyway you guys talk shit about people for a while and sit with the masks on (it’s usually him talking about how Oikawa is a bitch as much as he loves him) (or about whatever he and Mattsun were talking about lately)

You both get chances to vent while the masks sit on your face and you just vibe with music (usually that you pick) (he listens to like,,,meme songs and like CORPSE yk)

After masks you guys make/get some snacks and munch on those during another movie but this time you’re in comfy jammies and more relaxed Y’know

Less paying attention to the movie you’ve seen a million times and just vibing in each other’s presence and it’s just really sweet

Fall asleep on his chest

Let him fall asleep on yours

Either way, you’ve got him whipped for you he loves you

Not that he doesn’t already but that’s his favorite thing ever so please just let him do that

Always makes sure to tell you he loves you before you sleep too

If you fall asleep first he takes embarrassing pictures of you with your hair being a mess & you best bet he sends them to mattsun because “she’s so cute omfg” “dude” “dude what” “you’re so fuckin stupid” “?” “Whatever—good luck being whipped just tell me when you need to get a ring, k” “you’re such a jackass” “yeah yeah Gnight”

Zodiac/MBTI

Okay so I’m not doing a big long paragraph for all this BUT from what I understand, Gemini/Aquarius are really compatible, and ENTP and INFJ are known as “perfect matches” sO (I had a really hard time deciding between Atsumu and Makki because they're both ENTP)

Psst Gemini + Leo is compatible and so is INTP + INFJ,,,, so, again, asking you to marry me sho 💍💍

Aesthetic/Vibes

Playlist

Prelude and Fugue No. 1 in C major, BWV 846

Linus and Lucy by Vince Guaraldi Trio (meme song)

Sky Full Of Stars by The Piano Guys

Someone To You by The Piano Guys

Shut Up And Dance - Simply Three

Runners Up

Miya Atsumu, Tsukishima Kei

#sho — 💍#//ᴍᴀᴛᴄʜᴜᴘꜱ

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wardens-stew · 3 years

Text

my review of The Mask Falling - an ode to Arcturus and Paige

For me, the soul of this series has always been the relationship between Paige and Arcturus. It’s apt that this book, the exact middle of the series and as @sshannonauthor describes it, its heart, spends so much time with this pair. The intensity and uniqueness of their bond really emerges as the shining jewel of this series.

It’s clear that Samantha Shannon was intentional about putting Arcturus and Paige on equal footing for the first time in The Mask Falling. She manages the power dynamic between them with such attention and nuance, reversing their roles often and fluidly escaping gender roles. The protector role comes naturally to Arcturus, given his immortal strength and anxiety about losing Paige (it’s even part of the etymology of their names), but for much of The Mask Falling he is her silent shadow, trailing being her and supporting her quietly. They negotiate their differences with refreshing candor and in good faith, their arguments free from ego. “My fear is not your cage,” Arcturus tells her. “I will never ask you to mold yourself to it.” His affection for her is empowering, supportive, never constrictive or diminishing. Paige herself is markedly independent, doing the bulk of her fighting and plotting on her own. When she does seek support from Arcturus, there is no sense of her own strength being diminished, and as often as he rescues her, she turns around and rescues him just as easily.

Indeed, while Arcturus is the immortal god, it is Paige’s power that really shines in this book. Her incredible ingenuity and strength is on full display, getting her out of certain-death scenarios at such a gripping pace I had to cover the pages with my hands to avoid glancing ahead. She couples her incredible powers with extraordinary mental fortitude and an acute conscience; each of her escapades has a satisfying emotional resonance that enlivens her broader quest. Whereas many YA heroines possessed of supernatural power oscillate between immobilizing moral anxiety and moral bankruptcy, Paige tempers her impulsiveness with reason (most of the time) and a powerful motive for justice. It’s clear that she has yet to access the full extent of her abilities, and I’m eager to see what roles she’ll play in the fight to take down Scion.

While previous installments show Arcturus/Warden on various levels of guardedness, The Mask Falling gives us time and space in excess to see his true character. I was struck by his compassion, his hopefulness despite all that he has endured. He is often reassuring and comforting Paige, his optimism clear-eyed and measured. The contrast is especially stark with his persona in The Bone Season, where he appears cold and calculating, morally gray at best. In this book, he is almost unbearably kind, devastatingly sweet and thoughtful. As Paige remarks, “there was nothing terrible before me now.” The almost unimaginable beauty of his character is achieved with such a soft touch; the books are not about Arcturus being the the epitome of goodness - he simply is.

A central thread of tension of this book follows Paige and Arcturus negotiating their relationship and coming to terms with their mutual attraction. Samantha Shannon manages this tension beautifully, carrying it forward constantly with poignant moments of intimacy interspersed with Paige’s honest internal dialogue. The smallest interactions and gestures between them felt so heightened. There are all the classic scenes - getting drunk and saying too much, jealousy spirals about past relationships, almost-kiss scenes interrupted, near-death confessions - all building up to a beautiful and satisfying climax.

Samantha Shannon writes intimacy incredibly well. The love scenes feel specific to the characters, managing to be both meaningful and erotic. Romances between an immortal man and a mortal woman in particular tend to translate the man’s primal instincts and extreme physical strength into a voracious sexual appetite that leaves little room for gentleness and consideration. Arcturus really breaks the mold in this respect. He is so reverent, so sincere, so generous with Paige in a way few male characters with female partners approximate. Rather than relying on an imbalance of power in order to convey eroticism, the sexiness of Arcturus and Paige’s dynamic derives from the equality of their relationship. It’s so difficult to create a heterosexual romance unsullied by patriarchy, and Samantha Shannon gets close to that here.

I wonder if it is Arcturus’ immortal nature that makes him such a uniquely engaging character. Samantha Shannon really commits to that aspect of him - he’s not just a hot teenager. The best word I can think of to describe him is mature. He is so beyond the petty concerns of YA love interests, so ego-less and self-reliant. One of my favorite ways he diverges from human men - and traditional male love interests - is his lack of fixation on Paige’s physical appearance. This book has several of the classic moments that would typically elicit a remark or a look from the love interest on the heroine’s appearance, often framed as a cute romantic moment. Yet when Paige dresses up, or dyes her hair - even when she asks him outright - he never comments on the way she looks. “A human might have whispered in my ear, told me I was beautiful or perfect, but not him.” I love that. I’ve never found that lustful, almost predatory demeanor in male love interests nearly as sexy as the author would like it to be, and it always rubs me the wrong way when the man telling the woman she’s beautiful is framed as the epitome of romance. It strikes me as a very lazy way to convey attraction, for one thing, and it reeks of benevolent sexism. Arcturus never plays into those supposedly romantic tropes of disparaging other women in favor of the heroine or being selectively kind. His love for Paige is so pure.

I continue to be impressed by the sheer scale of worldbuilding in this series. Many books attempt to create fictional tyrannical governments, but few succeed in building one as convincing and elaborate as Scion. The Mask Falling peels back even more layers of this complex world, bringing to fruition seeds planted in the very first book. Although the basic plot leans on some familiar tropes, Samantha Shannon always manages to add an additional twist of the screw. The complexity of this series is truly extraordinary, drawing on etymology and mythology, dropping mysteries and complicating loyalties with incredible dexterity.

SPOILERS!!!!! --> I am still struggling with Arcturus’s possession and Paige’s failure to connect the dots and realize the reality of his situation. I see Samantha Shannon has pointed out on Twitter that Paige’s trauma and illness may have affected her judgment and decision-making. She says, “There's a particular scene where Paige reacts to an event in a way that is so deeply rooted in her PTSD and past experiences.” (I assume this is the scene she’s referring to.) I think that’s fair - Paige has been so inundated with the Rephaite aversion to humans that it’s almost as if she only needed one piece of evidence to confirm her doubts and destroy her trust in Arcturus. And it’s not as if she just takes it at face value, either - she does question him and try to convince him otherwise. But I still can’t help feeling that it’s a stretch. The Mask Falling makes Arcturus’ character so clear that the prospect that he would be loyal to Nashira the whole time is just ludicrous. Not to mention the fact that Paige somehow overlooked the obvious signs that he was being possessed. His eyes were such a dead giveaway - Paige had already seen that same thing happen when she possessed him! And when he moved to strike her and then suddenly stopped and his eyes flared - come on! That’s a classic mind-control trope. Paige is usually so perceptive, and they had built such a strong foundation… it feels unrealistic that she wouldn’t have connected the dots just because she hadn’t thought there could be another dreamwalker.

If I had to find fault with this book, and it is difficult, I would say that it leans a little too heavily on some YA dystopian fantasy tropes towards the end - the mind-controlled love interest, for example, instantly made me think of Divergent, The Hunger Games, The Mortal Instruments, etc. Likewise, the forced memory loss is a fairly common fantasy trope that tends to be really frustrating to read. I have faith that Samantha Shannon will keep it from sliding into those tropes, and of course there remains so much mystery still to be untangled from those final 100 pages. /END SPOILERS :)

This was the kind of book that captivated me immediately, left me lying awake at night and had me eating energy bars for dinner so I could keep reading. It was such a visceral, immersive experience, the kind where returning to the physical reality is almost physically disorienting. It’s been two days since I finished it and I’m still clinging to that fictional world, wishing I didn’t have to leave. Books like these are rare for me, and I’m still marveling at the miracle of finding that book that in Arcturus’ words, exists for everyone: “a book that will sing to them.”

#the mask falling #the bone season #arcturus and paige #warden and paige #the mask falling spoilers #spoilers #review #otp #Samantha Shannon

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buckybarnesbingo · 3 years

Photo

BBB Week 6 Roundup!

Little bit late, Mod Meg was on vacay over the weekend.

Title: Cute Quaterbacks Collaborator(s): Tori/samandbucky Link: AO3 Square: B4 - Sharing Clothes Rating: Teen Ship(s): Steve/Tony Major tags/warnings: AU, School, Fake Relationship, Protective!Bucky Summary: Steve and Bucky grew up as childhood best friends and are now roommates in college. Bucky dares Steve to bring a date to one of his upcoming football games after Steve suggests he could date anyone he wanted to. Enter Tony Stark. Word count: 1767

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Title: The Curse Collaborator(s): Tori/samandbucky Link: AO3 Square: K4 - Kiss Rating: Teen Ship(s): Bucky/Clint Major tags/warnings: Fluff, Established Relationship, Magic, Curses Summary: Clint gets hit during an alien attack with some dark magic, Bucky and Steve can't wake him, so they go to the only person they know who can undo the curse: Stephen Strange. Word count: 1364

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Title: A Regular Harry Houdini Collaborator(s): Bird Link: AO3 Square: K4 - Prisoners/Captives Together Rating: Teen Ship(s): Sam/Bucky Major tags/warnings: Minor Episode 5 Spoilers, Post-The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, Captured, First Kiss Summary: “You know, if Steve kissed me in the middle of an escape attempt, he would bring it up after,” Sam said. “I thought we weren’t talking about Steve,” Bucky grunted, closing his eyes. “I’m going to take a nap.” “I can’t believe you’re pretending to take a nap right now.” “I’m 106, Sam. I’m allowed to fall asleep whenever I want.” Word count: 1365

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Title: K5 Card B096 Soulbond Collaborator(s): Rufferto Link: Tumblr Square: K5 - High Fantasy, Curses, Shiny Sword Steve Rating: Teen Ship(s): Stucky Major tags/warnings: Fantasy Warrior Bucky, Curses, Art, Sword Steve Summary: When Bucky went off to war Steve was cursed into a sword. Bucky managed to find him because they share a bond but he's cursed. Bucky now carries Steve into battle wherever he goes looking for a way to have Steve at his side again. This was done on Hot Press Water Color Paper with Windsor & Newton and Arteza paints. I don’t much like the scan, there’s something always lost when a watercolor image is scanned but I will try some other time to get a better photo of it. Word count: none it is art.

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Title: Benevolent Overlord Collaborator(s): IndigoNight Link: AO3 Square: K1 - Bucky Bear Rating: Gen Ship(s): Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Major tags/warnings: Fluff, PTSD, Codependency, Alpine the Cat Summary: “Hi,” Bucky says, wincing a little at how hoarse and rough his voice sounds from disuse. The kitten just hisses at him again, huge green eyes narrowed into slits. “Yeah, I get it,” he agrees with a grimace and a commiserating nod. Word count: 4921

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Title: I'm James Buchanan Barnes Collaborator(s): e_hytes Link: Tumblr Square: C2 - Art Style: Black and White Rating: Gen Ship(s): No pairing/ship Major tags/warnings: #buckybarnes #wintersoldier #jamesbuchananbarnes #mcu Summary: A drawing of Bucky/Winter Soldier black and white Word count: N/A

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Title: Someone Like You Collaborator(s): Nicnac Link: AO3 Square: C4 - Prison Rating: Mature Ship(s): Bucky/Reader Major tags/warnings: Enemies, Uneasy Allies, Hydra Agent Reader, Negotiations Summary: Taken from their SHIELD prison cell, the reader finds themself alone with The Winter Soldier negotiating for their life. Word count: 2693

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Title: Sambucky Incorrect Quotes Collaborator(s): snowstark Link: Tumblr Square: U2 - Partner-In-Crime Rating: Teen Ship(s): Sam/Bucky Major tags/warnings: Enemies to lovers vibe, Humour Summary: “Bucky, we tried things your way already.” “No we didn’t.” “I did it in my head and it didn’t work.” Word count: N/A

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Title: darling, you’re the one i want in paper rings Collaborator(s): cyanica Link: AO3 Square: C5 - teasing Rating: Gen Ship(s): steve/bucky Major tags/warnings: first time, demisexuality, period-typical homophobia, fluff, friends to lovers Summary: "Okay, I don't know why I’ve never – you know!” Bucky said after a moment, a soft laugh spilling from his lips – something so genuine and bashful, that Steve wasn’t so sure what to make of. “You're just – you're the only one I've ever had eyes for. You're the only one I’ve ever wanted.” Or, whatever deity had constructed the fragmented pieces of their souls together, they were made of the same smithereens, and Steve was sure he had known that as a child, holding Bucky’s slightly larger hand and accepting that they were of the same love, without even knowing what such a concept was. Word count: 1630

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Title: Unexpected Alliances - Chapter 4 Collaborator(s): PoliZ Link: AO3 Square: C5 - Lending a Hand Rating: Mature Ship(s): Stucky Major tags/warnings: Fantasy AU, enemies to friends/lovers, referenced/implied torture Summary: Buckthorn’s refusal to use his fae magic to support his captor’s cause has left him battered and broken; when he is given a dangerous shifter as his cellmate, they overcome their differences to become allies and perhaps something more. Chapter 4: Upon reaching the shifters’ camp, Buckthorn meets another of Stephen’s companions who seems to have a chip on his shoulder when it comes to fae folk. Word count: 1034

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Title: A Story Told in Flesh, Chapter 3: Together In Dreams Collaborator(s): ChrissiHR Link: AO3 Square: B2 - Rocket Racoon Rating: Explicit Ship(s): Bucky x Darcy x Steve Major tags/warnings: Big Swingin’ Dick!Steve, smut, nsfw, dream sex, sex positive Summary: Bucky and Darcy get massages and discuss Aesir medical treatments; Darcy has an erotic dream about Bucky & Steve. Word count: 1270

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Title: Written In The Scars (On My Heart) Collaborator(s): IndigoNight Link: AO3 Square: K5 - Just Do It Rating: Explicit Ship(s): Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes Major tags/warnings: Past Rape/Non-con, In Heat (but not A/B/O) Masturbation, Sex Toys, Mildly Dubious Consent, Body Worship, Self Body Worship, Rimming, Fuck Or Die (sort of), Porn with Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Inability to Orgasm, Body Image, Reference to Past Medical Experimentation, Self-Lubrication, Touch-Starved, Touch-Averse Summary: He swallows hard, struggling with himself one last time and losing. “I need your help,” he manages to whisper, voice cracking. The air in the room immediately changes. The wound up tension drains out of Steve, his posture and voice going soft. “Sure, Buck,” he says, cautiously moving back toward him. Bucky can’t move, his arms locked tight around his knees, and he can’t lift his gaze higher than Steve’s knees either. Steve pauses when he’s still a few feet away, squatting down and angling his head in an effort to see Bucky’s face through the curtain of his hair. “Anything. What do you need?” It’s everything Bucky can do to hold still, every cell in his body vibrating with the need to throw himself into Steve’s arms. He opens his mouth, but his throat sticks and he has to swallow again before he can force the words out. Slowly, by sheer force of will, he drags his gaze up to meet Steve’s eyes. “I need you to fuck me.” Word count: 41k

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Title: Acceptance is the first part of Healing Collaborator(s): Laevateinn Link: AO3 Square: C4 - Denial Rating: Teen Ship(s): N/A Major tags/warnings: 1e3 : Power Broker, TFATWS coda, TW for : implied sexual abuse/assault, dissociation, PTSD, flashbacks, Angst, hopeful(ish) ending Summary: "You good ?" Wilson asks him, after he fought against eight men. "You okay ?" Wilson asks him, when they get to Sharon’s house. "You hurt ?" Wilson asks him, when they get out of the car. Yes, Wilson. All good. Now if the guy could shut up and carry on, that'd be great. Why would he be "not fine" anyway ? It's not as if anything that happened that day hasn't happened before. Word count: 906

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Title: The Maze Stumbler (Moodboard) Collaborator(s): Turtles Link: Tumblr Square: B3 - Labyrinth Rating: Teen Ship(s): Darcy Lewis & Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson Major tags/warnings: Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, Thor, Cocktail, Labyrinth Summary: Something, something, Thor spikes the punch at the party and they all decide to re enact the Maze Runner… or something like that. Sam and Bucky wake up in the middle of a maze, nothing but Darcy’s voice in their ear giving them directions and critiquing their methodology Word count: N/A

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Title: The Maze Stumbler (Fic) Collaborator(s): Turtles Link: AO3 Square: C1 - Stranded Rating: Teen Ship(s): Darcy Lewis & Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson Major tags/warnings: Thor's Asgardian Booze, a labyrinth, Dubious Timeline, Everybody Lives, Crack Summary: Don’t drink Thor’s Asgardian booze. Ever. Word count: 1657

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Title: 5 Times Steve Received Plums from Natasha or Sam and the 1 Time Steve Realized the Plums weren’t from Them Collaborator(s): Girl_Back_There Link: AO3 Square: K5 - Bucky/Steve Rating: Teen Ship(s): Bucky/Steve Major tags/warnings: 5 + 1, Bucky and his Plums, Angst and Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug Summary: Steve keeps finding plums in his hotel rooms or his bag. He thinks it is Natasha or Sam trying to be a good friend by making sure he is eating and keeping up his energy in the search for Bucky. Each plum he finds reminds him of Bucky growing up in pre-WWII New York. The times they would give each other a plum as a way of saying “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Word count: 2998

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Title: Faith and Desire and the Swing of Your Hips Collaborator(s): IndigoNight Link: AO3 Square: U2 - French Kiss Rating: Explicit Ship(s): Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes Major tags/warnings: Crossdressing, Nonbinary Steve Rogers, Oral Sex, Body Dysphoria, Gender Exploration, Supportive Flirting Summary: “You look gorgeous, doll,” he drawls, dragging up as much of old Brooklyn as he can to infuse into the words. Steve startles, even though the doorway and Bucky in it are clearly reflected behind him in the mirror. Steve’s eyes flick to him and away again, his face going pink from the tips of his ears and spreading all the way down to his chest. He fidgets with his skirt, hands smoothing over the folds of it self consciously. “It looks a little silly,” he mutters, chewing on his already chapped lower lip. Word count: 5470

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Title: Stay Collaborator(s): Bird/plutosrose Link: AO3 Square: C3 - Free Square Rating: Explicit Ship(s): Sam/Bucky Major tags/warnings: Post-Canon, First Time Summary: “So, are you keeping the outfit?” Word count: 1919

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Title: It's Not a Miracle You Need Collaborator(s): UisceOneLove Link: AO3 Square: Y3 - At a Crossroads Rating: Teen Ship(s): James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers Major tags/warnings: Post-Endgame, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hopeful Ending Summary: Sitting out on the dock of Tony's lakehouse while the others slept, Steve thought about where he was expected to go from here. It's a good thing Bucky's around to help him see where that can be. Word count: 1584

#buckybarnesbingo2021 #bbb2021 #bbb weekly roundup #bbb week 6 #bbb round three

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