#genuinely the number of times in the last year something i was interested in got canceled is UNHINGED and it's ALL on netflix

[kazz-brekker]

the thing about tv shows is that i watch them for enjoyment and to feel GOOD bad emotions about them (stress over plot! sadness over character! distress over drama!) and if it verges into like legit sad feelings over stuff like an excellent adaptation of a truly beloved book series being canceled after one season it does make me want to throw my laptop in a lake and then follow it and never watch another tv show again for the rest of my life.

[theemporium]

[2.9k] when your boyfriend is giving his piano more attention than you, you set out to remind him just where his hands should be instead. (smut)

based off this request

.

It was torture.

Pure fucking torture. 

That was the only way to describe his current predicament, and yet, a sadistic part of him enjoyed it. He enjoyed it far more than he should have. He enjoyed it more than he ever thought he would. He didn’t even know if he wanted it to stop, even if his body was begging for it too. 

The situation leading up to this moment was stupid, honestly.

Charles loved the piano and it was a fact known to everyone. Despite the love and passion he had for racing, it had become a source of frustration in more recent months—something the people close to him knew all too well. And even if he kept loving it, there was times where he needed to step away from the sheets of data and the SIM car set up in the spare room of his apartment. 

There were times he just needed a release. 

And, it came in the form of the piano. 

At first, it was just a simple skill he decided to pick up in hopes that it would be a nice distraction from the endless hours he spent worrying about racing. Then, it became a hobby, a genuine interest to further the skill he had and become better. He was competitive after all.

Then, it became a way of expression. 

The notes flowing as his fingers danced across the keyboard felt freeing. The way the instrument did exactly what he wanted when he wanted it was something he lacked in other aspects of his life in recent years. The compositions were something to be proud of, a mark he could leave on the world beyond his career in motorsports. 

The piano became an outlet for Charles, something he became more reliant on in the last few weeks than he even realised. 

And it left you as a very sexually frustrated girlfriend.

You loved Charles. There was never a doubt in your mind that you loved Charles. You loved and supported what he did, you encouraged him to express himself whether it be in words or notes played on the piano. But, something bitter and resentful bubbled inside you at the fact you were fighting for your boyfriend’s attention, and your competition was a fucking musical instrument.

It just became easier for him to vent out his frustrations in a wordless hobby, and you understood that. But you missed him. 

You missed his touch and the way his fingers would glide over every inch of your body. You missed his kisses and the way they would leave you panting and breathless. You missed the way that when you were with him, you were his whole fucking world.

You missed your boyfriend’s attention just being on you, so you decided to teach him a lesson.

Maybe it was cruel. Maybe it wasn’t cruel enough. Maybe it was exactly what your boyfriend needed to remember the pretty girl he got to call his. 

“I didn’t say you could stop playing, Charles.”

He let out a shaky breath, a shiver running down his spine as his eyes snapped down to the keyboard beneath him. His hands were hovering over the white keys, his fingers itching to move but his brain was blank. Every single coherent thought was lost and he couldn’t fucking remember how to play a chord, let along a song.

But you asked him to keep playing, and who was he to deny his girl?

Even if said girl was currently lying on top of the grand piano he bought a few months back, clad in some lacy number he swore he had never seen before as her hands glided over the body he should have been touching, kissing, loving.

“Play, Charles. Show me what you’ve spent the last few weeks composing instead of touching me.”

He cleared his throat, his brain scrambling to remember the song that flowed so easily for him mere hours ago. But now, all he could think about was the noises that you were making, that you sounded better than any song he could ever compose. He was thinking about how he could listen to your pretty moans for the rest of his life.

His fingers were moving, slower and less confident that he would usually play, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as he watched you closely. 

The slick, black wood beneath you was cold. It was cold and refreshing against your heated skin as you ran your hands down your stomach, your touch feather-light and teasing as you heard your boyfriend let out a strangled moan. 

Your eyes were closed but you could imagine it so clearly. You could imagine the flush on his cheeks, the colour sweet and pink and a colour you wanted to pain the world. You could imagine the dazed look in his watercolour eyes, the same look he got when his head was between your thighs and he had no expiration on when he had to pull away. You could imagine the way his broad shoulders tensed, the stiff movements as he tried to grasp onto whatever self-restraint he had left.

“Cherie, please,” he whispered, almost too low for you to hear. 

Your lips twitched upwards. “Play me your pretty song, baby.” 

He was distracted, and his playing told you as much. He was distracted with the way your fingers glided over your nipples, the way they hardened beneath the lacy material you wore that barely covered them. He was distracted when your other hand slid lower down your body, as your fingers slipped past the waistband of your panties.

He was distracted by the small gasp that left your lips when your fingers pressed down on your swollen clit. He was distracted by the needy whine you let out as your fingers glided along your soaking cunt, collecting your arousal before you finally slid one finger inside yourself. He was distracted by the way your body squirmed and arched as you touched yourself, as you moaned his name with his broken playing in the background. 

Charles was completely enraptured by you. He couldn’t fucking get enough of you. He didn’t care about the piano or his song, he didn’t care about anything other than the pretty girl fucking herself in front of him and the fact his cock was straining in the confinements of his boxers and sweatpants right now. 

He needed you. He needed you so fucking bad.

“Let me,” he croaked out, his eyes locked on the way your back arched off the piano. “Let me make you feel so good, baby. I can make you feel so good.”

Your head turned to the side, your eyes fixated on his glassy eyes and pouty lips. 

“Charles,” you moaned, your face contorting as you felt the coil in your stomach tighten.

“Please, baby, please,” he continued to beg, one hand dropping away from the keyboard to palm the length of his cock over his sweatpants. “Anything you want, let me give you it.”

You tucked your lip between your teeth. “Anything?”

“Anything,” he repeated breathlessly. 

“Make me come, Charlie,” you whispered. “Show me what a good boy you are.” 

The words had barely left your lips before his hands were on you. His fingers were digging into the fat of your thighs as he turned your body to face him, as he pulled you towards the edge of the piano until your panty-clad cunt was inches away from his face.

His fingers ran over the lacy material of the nightgown you were wearing before he pushed it further up your stomach, until it pooled just above your belly button. He looked up at you, his eyes meeting yours as he leaned down to lick a strip over your clothed cunt.

“Fuck,” you groaned as your head fell back against the piano, your eyes fluttering shut as his tongue pushed against the material of your panties. “Charles—”

“I know, cherie,” he murmured, his words hot and breathy against you as his nose nudged against your clit. “I know, I know what my baby needs.”

“Thought you were my good boy,” you goaded, your hands fisting the material of your nightgown as his arms wound around your thighs to lock you in place.

“I am,” he mumbled, his eyes falling shut as he placed kisses along your inner thighs, the slight stubble on his cheeks scratching against your skin in a way that made you arch closer to him. “Gonna show you how good I am.” 

The sound of fabric ripping was the least of your concerns as he tossed them away, the cool air hitting your exposed cunt for less than a few seconds before his mouth was on you. Charles loved being between your thighs, he could have spent his whole life between them if he got the chance. 

And now, with your thighs squeezing his ears and the sounds of your pretty whines echoing through the room, he realised just how long it had been since he had found himself in this position. That between the countless meetings, back-on-back race weekends and constant travelling, that he hadn’t been giving his princess the love she deserved. 

That he had been depriving himself of his favourite meal.

“Charles!” You cried out as his tongue sloppily lapped at your cunt, appreciating groans vibrating against you as your legs squeezed around him. You tried to clench your thighs together, only for him to pin your legs open again. 

Charles was a starved man, and he was fucking devouring you. 

The words leaving his lips were better off being incoherent to you. Phrases mixed between French and Italian that you didn’t quite understand, but it was hot as he lapped and licked and sucked and kissed every inch of your needy cunt until your thighs were soaked and you were certain that you were dripping down onto the keyboard.

“Shit, shit, shit,” you whined, your hands darting down to entangle themselves in his thick curls he had grown out. He let out a needy noise from the back of his throat, one that had his fingers digging into your skin so tight that you were sure it would bruise in the morning, but you didn’t care. “Right there, baby, fuck! Feel so fucking good, Charles, so good—oh!”

Your nails scratched against his scalp as his eyes fluttered shut, as he groaned against your cunt until you were coming. Your body tensed and shook, your moans pathetic and loud and just the way he liked it. His name was like a mantra on your lips, repeated over and over like a prayer. 

But Charles didn’t stop.

The swipes of his tongue were slow and lazy, but he didn’t stop even after you came. He licked up the mess he had made, he pressed your hips into the piano as you wiggled and squirmed under his hold. He enjoyed the dull pain as you pulled on his hair as he licked your wet thighs and needy cunt until you said the single phrase that could make him pull away from between your legs.

“Please, Charlie,” you whispered, breathless and whiny and greedy for more of him. “Need your cock.”

The noise that left his lips was some pathetic mix of a groan and a whine as he pulled away from you, his lips and chin glistening with your release as his tongue darted out for one more taste. He pushed himself up onto his feet, the piano bench now long forgotten as he quickly shoved his sweatpants and boxers down to his knees. 

His hand slid up your leg, lightly slapping the side of your thigh until you lifted your head to look at him. 

“Turn around, baby,” he murmured, his voice lower and gruffer than it was before. “Show me that pretty ass, cherie.”

Your hands were braced against the piano as Charles placed one hand on your waist, the other guiding his cock deep inside your cunt until he was buried to the prim. You let out a noise of content, the desire for the slight burn of his thick cock pushing into you eagerly fixed after weeks of craving him.

Your head fell back against his shoulder, a desperate noise leaving his lips as his head dipped down to press his lips against yours. And you let him kiss you. You let his tongue swipe over your bottom lip, you let yourself taste your release on his tongue as he deepened the kiss. You let him kiss you until your lungs burned for air and your body craved for him to move.

“Fuck me,” you whispered breathlessly against his lips. “Fuck me like you miss me.”

“I have fucking missed you,” Charles groaned as he buried his face into the crook of your neck. “Missed every single part of you, cherie. You’re fucking perfect.”

“Show me, Charles,” you sighed as your fingers gripped the edge of the piano. “Fuck me on this stupid piano and show me.” 

Charles was a patient man. He was a patient man who had the tolerance and restraint that would make a saint envious. He was usually so collected, so calm and put together even in situations where he didn’t have to be.

But any semblance of patience was thrown out the window when it came to you, especially when it came to fucking you.

The room that was usually full of beautiful notes and passionate music was now replaced with the sound of skin on skin, slapping against each other and accompanied by debauch noises that left a pink tint to his cheeks.

He had one hand pressed against the middle of your back, keeping your tits and face pressed against the cool wood as he fucked you from behind. His thrusts were hard, his tempo was fast and you felt the coil in your stomach tightening faster than you ever had before.

He could feel the walls of your cunt clench around his cock, could feel the slick of your arousal staining his own thighs but he didn’t fucking care. His lips were red and raw from how hard he was biting down, his skin felt like it was on fire and his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. 

And yet, he never wanted to leave that moment. 

The sight of you bent over his fucking piano, your ass jiggling with every snap of his hips and your nails desperately trying to dig into the glossy wood like you needed something to grip onto, like you needed a lifeline to ground you. The way you screamed his name, the way you screamed for his cock and the way he thrusted deep inside you, hitting that spot over and over again until you could feel him in your stomach.

“So good f’me,” he groaned as his hand groped the meat of your ass in his palm. “You were made for me, cherie, my perfect fit.”

“Charles,” you choked out between moans, but your boy knew you better than you knew yourself.

“That’s it, baby,” he whimpered. “Come for me, let me feel you. I wanna feel how good I make you feel, princess.”

The nickname wasn’t used often, but it was more than enough to tip you over the edge. The noises you let out were borderline pornographic as Charles continued to fuck you through your orgasm, as he leaned over until his chest was pressed against your back and his cock was hitting a new, deeper spot with every thrust. 

His lips were on your neck, kisses placed on your skin between whispered French phrases of praise as he finally came, as he released inside you and felt your walls clench around him like you didn’t want his cock to leave you just yet.

You were panting and breathless, your cheek pressed against the grand piano as you let your eyes fall shut at the feeling of his gentle kisses and the soft touch of his hands all over your body. Your lips twitched as you heard him murmured ‘I love you’ over and over again in different languages until he needed to pause for a breath of air.

“Je t’aime aussi,” you murmured back, your pronunciation still a little dodgy despite the time you’ve spent dating the Monegasque, but it made him smile nonetheless.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured as he ducked his head down to kiss your cheek. “I love you more than the piano, you know that?”

You snorted. “Well, I sure hope so after that.”

Charles grinned. “Nothing could ever compare to fucking you, mon amour.”

You peaked a look at your boyfriend. “Nothing?”

“Nothing,” he confirmed.

“Not even round two?” You teased. 

“Depends,” Charles murmured as his fingers pulled at the hem of your nightgown you were still wearing. “Do you have any more surprises for me?”

“I did a lot of shopping while you were gone,” you told him with an innocent smile.

His eyes darkened. “Cancel all our plans for this weekend.”

You raised your brows. “Charles—”

“We aren’t leaving the house,” he told you as he squeezed your hips. “We need to make up for lost time, even if that means fucking you on this damn piano in every single piece you bought.”

“We need to eat, Charles,” you murmured, though the problem sounded just as dumb as it did in your head when he grinned at you.

“I’ll order you food in.”

“And what will you eat?” 

Charles’ smile only widened. “Jump up on the piano again and I’ll show you, princess.”

It was safe to say, neither your friends or family heard from you or Charles until at least three days later.

.

[arminsumi]

two freaks

CHOSO ちょうそう

note : choso crack lol. i love him.

synopsis : you and choso have been the weirdest, freakiest, off-beat duo since the very beginning. your chemistry with each other thoroughly confuses the people around you. just two freaks in freaky love with each other.

warnings : 🔞 some suggestive content, mentions weed/getting high, unedited

no one knows how you and choso started dating. it's a mystery of the universe.

because you and him were always like mismatched socks. and yet you ended up together, for some reason. hell, even when you and choso were just friends you made an inside joke with each other;

"i have a type and you're not it." you'd joke.

"yeah i could never date you, either." choso would joke back.

if one of you accidentally flirted with the other, then you'd laugh and accuse each other of being horny.

"you're horny." you'd say.

"no i'm high."

"i thought you were choso?"

"no i'm your man."

"shit alright, let's get married."

your friends would sometimes overhear this and pull a funny face.

("are you guys crazy or high?")

"bitch, we're both."

you and choso met each other one day at an instrument store. you were accompanying a friend, they were choosing a guitar to gift someone — or whatever it was. anyways, so you were there lingering.

"you listen to the smiths?" choso scrunched his nose up.

"what's that face for! the smiths are great!"

so you and choso stood there, arguing about music. your friend just let you two be and snickered with the store's staff, who knew choso well because he practically lived in the store with how much he visited.

you visited that music store a lot and met choso over and over again, probably for a year before even exchanging numbers. neither of you were interested in each other, and you always argued about music... or at least it seemed like that to everyone else.

you and choso had an underlying comedy to each argument — yes obviously the both of you knew it was not that serious. choso just enjoyed debating music with you and was excited that someone finally debated back. sometimes he disagreed with your opinions even if he agreed, it became an inside joke.

"i like... (artist)" you'd say and then choso would shift his shoulders and lift his chin and reply with "oh, well now i can't like them if you like them. i refuse to associate with you." and you two would laugh.

the music store's staff genuinely thought you two were high every time you spoke, but at the time choso had a rule of never getting high and going in public because he'd embarrassed himself too many times.

sometimes you'd have a spontaneous hang out with choso. because he was spontaneous and you aspired to be.

one time, he said something unexpected when he lit up a blunt. you and him were loitering by a fast food restaurant's drive-thru.

"you know, i like the chemistry between our souls. i think we must have known each other in a past life."

"do you think we were also freaks in our past lives?"

he laughed and nodded, rubbing his watery eye when smoke got into it.

"we were definitely freaks."

"well, i also think our souls have got good chemistry. our souls are freaky."

"yeah, freaky souls."

you and him stared at each other. he seemed high but the rush hadn't even kicked in yet, so it must have been just because of your company.

"yo..." he cooed awkwardly. "sorry, didn't mean to stare." he mumbled something like that and looked away.

"eyes are the gateway to the soul. were you trying to perve on my soul?" you joked.

"yeah, i totally just perved on your soul." he laughed.

on that day, you distinctively remember talking to choso about how you two would be the last people to ever date. and he replied with some joke about "what if it were the apocalypse and we had to breed for repopulation purposes?" (how did you reply? he can hardly remember, all he knows is that he blushed at your reply until his cheeks burned.)

and then a year after knowing each other you were making out violently in his car after some friendofafriend's party. maybe you kissed him because he charmed you by playing the guitar earlier that night — he looked hot doing it, with his hair down, plectrum in between his teeth as he tuned it.

too many times have people scrunch up their noses in confusion when you and choso act like a couple.

whenever they ask;

"oh, are you two dating?"

with a weird attitude in their voice, you and choso troll them;

"no, we're partners in crime."

"yeah i do the killing and she gets rid of the evidence then we make out violently in the back seat of my car."

they look like they regret asking anything about you two. clearly you and choso were freaks.

people in your friend group make jokes all the time about how choso's in it for the pussy and you're in it for the weed.

"no actually i've been cutting back on my pussy consumption." choso replies with a face so plain that you could take him seriously.

"oh i been hittin' that blunt from the back lately i just can't get enough of it."

you completely confuse the people around you and troll them just for amusement. but truly you and choso do get fed up sometimes. it's sickeningly repetitive.

sometimes choso gets snappy, especially if it's a guy asking you;

"that's your boyfriend?"

"yeah that's her boyfriend." choso clenches his jaw and steers you into his arms.

ah, and his most classic response;

"are you her boyfriend?"

"no, i'm her wife."

© arminsumi

I do not permit the copying/reposting/translation/plagiarism of my works. Do not steal what I've worked hard to create.

This is fictional work.

[theloneotaku158]

As of Batman: The Brave and the Bold #12, local precious-gremlin-who-I-would-die-for, Maps Mizoguchi, is now officially(?) the sixth Robin. Or at the very least, she's now "in" on The Secret™.

If this isn’t a set up for her taking up the Robin mantle officially then I genuinely don’t know what is.

As one of the twelve Gotham Academy enjoyers in existence, I am having the extremely normal reaction of "FUCKING FINALLY! LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO--!"

In all honesty, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't seen this coming from miles away. Like, Maps has appeared in a number of seemingly random cameo roles recently, including Batgirls (2021), and even technically as Robin in the backup issues of Batman (2016) #119-121, and in a short story in Batman Black & White. And most of those got collected in a standalone titled "Maps of Mystery", which specifically gathered all her appearances as Robin (and the Gotham Academy Belle Reve story).

And then, of course, her recent time-travelling Future-Trunks-esque appearance in Birds of Prey (2023), as the tech-based Meridian, from a potential future timeline where she apparently makes it as a superhero using gadgets she apparently designed, proving that she's hero material.

That's not something you do for a character for no reason. That's the sort of thing you do when you want to keep a character in the conscience of your readers for whatever reason, because you have bigger plans for them.

Also interesting to consider that, in the "Mother's Day" story where this took place, Alfred is standing right there and not lying down six feet under wood, dirt and a stone slab, and that Bruce is in the old Batcave under the manor so he still has Money™. So we must assume this was some nebulous time in the past (after GA: Second Semester(?), but before City of Bane)... which I won't bother to analyse the exact timeframe of because DC doesn't care about the post-Flashpoint / New 52 / Rebirth / Prime Earth / idfk / Dawn of DC timeline, so neither should I.

But I think it's really funny that this presumably means Maps has known The Secret™ for a long time relative to present-day comics, but always acted like she didn't.

But if all her appearances are in chronological order, that means Bruce is only the fourth Bat whose identity she discovered.

Like, she discovered Cass' identity almost by accident on a trip to the zoo, Damian showed off his grapple gun and gave her an actual Batarang during the three hours he was enrolled in the school (as if she wouldn't immediately put two-and-two together even back then), and she even found out Terry fucking McGuinness would become Batman in a future via a time-travelling grandfather clock.

No I did not make that last part up. Read Gotham Academy istg.

Did Cass know that Maps had been acting as a Robin when she met her, both at the zoo in Batgirls and her future version in Birds of Prey?

Does Damian know the one (1) friend(?) he made in Gotham Academy is potentially in the running for his job?

Is Bruce himself aware that she knows as much about their identities as she currently does?

How is DC going to retcon this so it all makes sense in the barely-functioning canon of the modern DC universe?

I'm digressing. Where was I going with this?

Point is, she's destined to become a Robin, and I'm glad DC finally pulled their fingers out their asses and capitalised on that destiny.

Let's just hope it doesn't take another year for them to follow up on this plotline again.

Bonus: Jason Todd, after learning of Bruce taking yet another happy kid under his wing as yet another Robin, giving her some advice:

[abbyscherry]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ “we fell in love in October”

Abby genuinely doesn’t understand how she hadn’t disintegrated or burst into flames on your first date. She was nervous, finding it so hard to focus on what you were saying when her eyes were more focused on the way your lips moved, and the way the gloss sparkled when all she wanted to do was kiss you under the dim light of the restaurant. You had talked to her about your interests and disinterests with such softness that even when she did finally hear what you were saying and wasn’t too focused on how your lips would feel against hers, she noticed the small things. The way you would move your hands around when talking or explaining, how you would tilt your head to the side, your hand covering your mouth when you giggle about a distant memory you were sharing. Or even how you throw your head back, and let out the most beautiful laugh she’s ever heard when you quickly remember something funny that happened to you when you were just a reckless teenager.

Even if she was nervous then, Abby still loved to see you happy and smiling. It took her so many times to agree to you taking her on a date. Not because she didn’t want you to, but because she was so in awe of you, and how pretty you were, and she was always stumped on how someone like you, so carefree, so full of so much hope and happiness, would ever think of her in the way she thinks of you. To put it easily, you were just as nervous as she was, always wondering if you had said too much, or said too little when you’d spot her walking around bookcase after bookcase of the library at 11pm. Would she mind if you had sat beside her? Would the broad-shouldered blonde care if you made a comment or recommendation on a book you had found her reading? Would she get irritated with the way you would sometimes read what you were reading, aloud? Would Abby ever—

“What’s got you thinking so hard?”

The rasp of her voice brings you back to reality where you find her, sitting in the chair opposite you, head buried in her current read, an eyebrow raised. A sign all her attention was on you, but still in her book. The sweater she was wearing, fitted her perfectly. “Just thinking about when i fell in love with you” You replied truthfully, looking back at your own book, bottom lip tugged between your teeth as you tried hiding your smile at the way her eyebrows shot up.

“Oh yeah? When did you finally realize you were so head over heels for me, sweet girl?”

“I remember the storm . . the one at the beginning of October last year? do you remember? i was stuck here, and you stole my number from a friend, just to tell me to not leave in case i got stuck out in it, or ended up getting hurt. And you drove 4 hours just to bring me a hot chocolate because you somehow knew they calmed me down with the loud sounds. You drove for 4 hours, in a storm we were told not to be out in, just to bring me a fucking drink. Then a few days later, i came here again to find you, to thank you for risking your life to make sure i was safe, and you were sat right there— at the table by the window, to be precise. You were wearing one of your old, as you know i like to call them, grandpa sweaters with your cute Harry Potter glasses and you came up to me before i could and you asked if i had a Library card because you were new around here and didn’t have your own yet”

How could she forget that day? For her, it was embarrassing and borderline exhausting rushing around, having to borrow someone else’s card to simply read a goddamn book. It felt easier when she spotted you again though. Unaware that you were waiting for her to turn up. Curled up on the couch, your jacket covering your slightly shivering body from the cold weather, and a cup of whatever hot beverage you had decided to buy at the café that morning, and a book, one she can’t remember because you read so many she can’t keep up, in your hands. You looked like an angel in her eyes. You always have.

“I would risk my life any day just so i know you are safe, no matter what” She admitted softly, book long forgotten as she smiled at you. “I was in love with you for a long time, you just made me extremely nervous. I asked your friend for your number in hopes it would make me feel less nervous but it didn’t. Everything about you is so perfect that i felt like i wouldn’t have a chance? But when the storm happened . . i didn’t want you to be alone, i never want you to be or feel alone”

“With you, I never feel alone Abs”

[atinystraynstay]

Game-Winning Goal - Lee Seokmin

Synopsis: Your college's soccer team was competing to secure a spot in playoffs - the first time in the history of the program. Everyone cheered for him, and it felt like sometimes your voice got lost in the crowd. However, each time he took the field, he prayed you were in the stands just for him.

Pairing: Soccer Captain!Lee Seokmin x fem. reader

Genre: Angst - jealous reader, classmates to lovers

Word Count: 2.4k

Got inspired by the very picture posted on Weverse a few days ago hehe hope you enjoy it!

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Everyone was standing at attention underneath the lights of your university's soccer stadium. You wondered how many students knew even about the stadium up until a few weeks ago.

Like other universities, students rallied around the sports teams that were doing good. Soccer was one of the very few people rarely talked about. At least, that was the case up to last month. The soccer team, led by Lee Seokmin, has picked up momentum and have been making strides. That includes that for the first time in the program's history, they had the chance to potentially secure a spot in the playoffs.

All the boys were eager to see the stands filled up. The game even sold out on tickets, something that also never happened. Most of the time, the boys had to beg friends to come and support them. It was nice to see people were genuinely excited, but that only increased the pressure to perform well.

There were 7 minutes left in the match. The score was 2-1, the opposing team.

Your eyes were locked on Lee Seokmin, the captain but also a friend of yours. To be honest, you weren't sure what to classify him as.

You've always been aware of who Lee Seokmin was. The two of you met at freshman orientation. You still remember how his face lit up with excitement when he announced he was on the soccer team during an ice-breaker. He thought he would be one of those faces you see walk around campus and have the vague memory of.

It wouldn't be until junior year when you two were placed in the same writing seminar that your paths would cross again. You thought he wouldn't have recognized you from two years ago, but you were mistaken. Seeing a familiar face gave Seokmin the perfect excuse to come sit next to you in the lecture hall. And then again as a way to work together for peer-editing, or at least that's what he claimed.

The peer-editing sessions led to you two exchange numbers, but it still wasn't enough for Seokmin. Sure, he enjoyed getting to hangout with you outside of the classroom but it was always for classwork. He craved more which led to him asking you out.

Due to the practice and traveling schedules of the team, you only have gone on three dates so far. Each date was wonderful, of course. Seokmin was the definition of a gentleman. It was easy to be ever about the potential of what you could be.

His teammates knew who you were. You were the girl who made their captain happy. While they never asked for specifics when it came to the two of you, they were just content to see Seokmin enjoying life. You showed up for the games, often lingering around afterward to congratulate the guys and Seokmin on their victory. It was easy to win their support when you showed interest in the sport that bonded them all together.

You couldn't deny your bubbling jealousy as girls around you screamed for him. He was yours. You've been the one seeing him off the field the last few weeks. However, the rest of the student body wasn't aware of that fact just yet. Or at least, you were hoping one day to make things official with him.

"Have you seen the captain?" "Oh you mean Seokmin? Yeah! He's so tall and dreamy." "The definition of tall, tan, and handsome."

A chorus of giggles erupted around you in agreement. Your heart twitched as you wanted so badly to snap at them. Yet, that wasn't your place a tall. You guys were not even official.

"He just is so hot. I bet he's great in bed." "I mean, he's got to have good hand eye coordination."

Give me a break.

"Okay guys, we cannot leave any up to chance," Seokmin spoke to his teammates. They were all gathered in a quick huddle as the opposing team called a timeout. The perfect opportunity to strategize to make the game-winning play.

Not only did Seokmin feel pressure to get the team to playoffs, but he knew you were somewhere in the stands watching him. You've been to a few games throughout the season, but this was the first game you were in attendance as the girl he was seeing.

He felt like everything he worked for, one and off the field, depending on the outcome of this game.

"Jeonghan and Mingyu, you need to make sure you are blocking their defensive. I can kick the ball to Seungkwan who then can kick it to Jihoon," he described.

Instead of going on dates with you, he has been studying playbooks and videotapes from previous games. He has sacrificed investing time with you because his team needed him at the moment. Everyone was looking at him to make quick decisions, and to be dependable.

It honestly made him feel guilty because he wanted to spend time with you. Yet, you were so understanding. You encouraged him to put his all into the game.

He just knew he couldn't disappoint you.

All the boys exchanged looks with each other, nonverbally saying they like the plan and are ready to defend each other. They were hungry to win.

"Let's go win this thing, boys," Seungcheol called out.

The referee blew the whistle, signaling that timeout was over and the game needed to resume. It filled Seokmin's chest when he heard the roar of the crowd, as Woozi took the play to the corner to throw the ball in. What made Seokmin's heart rattle was the fact your voice was mixed in the crowd. He just knew you had to be out there, watching him.

And there was no other place you wanted to be. It was a crisp evening once the sun had set. You were wearing a leather jacket, leg bouncing a bit uncontrollable. You were undoubtedly nervous for all the boys, but mainly for Seokmin. He just deserved all the good that this world had to offer.

All eyes were on the soccer ball that Woozi threw in. The stadium roared with excitement as Jeonghan and one of the opponent players tried maneuvering the ball in their respective team's favor. The cheers got louder once Seokmin's team took the advantage of the ball.

You felt like you couldn't breathe. You were nervous and excited, hopeful.

Even being in the stands, you could see the sweat starting to drip down Seokmin's face and neck. Strands of his hair were starting to stick to his forehead. He was giving his all to the game right now. You couldn't be anymore proud.

Jeonghan kicked the ball to Seungkwan. However, he was beginning to be cornered by the defense. He kicked the ball to Seokmin which suddenly made everyone cheer louder.

You suddenly thought back to the eager freshman boy you met the summer before college. You wondered if he ever believed he would make it to this moment - where everything seems to be falling into place. He wore a sly smirk as he kicked the ball back and forth, tricking and even frustrating the opponent in front of him. Seokmin then kicked the ball over to Seungcheol behind him who began running towards the end goal.

This was it. The final minutes.

Seungcheol looked like he was about to attempt to score. He had a good angle, but just had to weave through some defensive players who were determined to stop him.

Seokmin jogged up behind, ready to assist. And it was a good thing he did because one of the opponents kicked the ball away from Seungcheol right underneath him, popping the ball away. "Shit," he murmured.

Never before has Seokmin run so fast. He knew if they lost possession of the ball the game would be over. And that was something he was not counting on happening. Not when they were so close to securing a spot in playoffs.

Seungkwan managed to get the ball away from the opponents which made Seokmin smirk. Good. The ball was kicked back towards Seokmin. This was all on him. He stopped the ball fro rolling with his foot.

Quickly, his eyes scanned all his options. All his teammates were being blocked by defensive players. He had no choice but to kick it. If he tried running with the ball again, he could very easily lose possession. It would be a tight kick to get it in the net, but Seokmin was determined. The crowd was screaming at Seokmin to kick it, to just try.

He was the only hope.

From the corner of his eye, he noticed the other team was trying to calculate his next move. They were basically ready to pounce on him. He had to kick now or forever would regret it.

Narrowing his eyes on the goal net, he tried analyzing quickly which would be the best pocket to aim for. Their goalie was crotched down. He could aim low, making the goalie believe he had to jump for it. It was a risk. It just didn't help that Seokmin was at a tighter angle away from the net than he'd prefer, but he had to try. If not for himself, for his team and for you.

Time froze as Seokmin moved his leg back. He kicked the ball with all his might. The roar of the crowd died down to him as all eyes were locked on the ball, anticipating it to be caught by the net and not the hands of the goalie.

You held your breath, praying to the heavens that everything Seokmin had worked for would finally prove worth it.

CLINK

Your eyes widened as the ball hit off the goal post, going over the heads of several players. The fans of the visiting team broke out into cheers as their team was able to claim possession of the ball.

Groans were surrounding you as people quickly began to gather their belongings. The game was over. You felt your heart shatter as you could see the look of disappointment wash over the face of players for your school's team. You then quickly looked at Seokmin.

Your whole world shattered even more when you saw the rears in his eyes. Almost as if it was in slow motion, he fell down to his knees. The referee blew the whistle, signaling the end of the game. The opposing team cheered, ecstatic that they clinched a spot. Your team, your boys, all lowered their heads. A few of them went over to Seokmin to check on him.

You too gathered your own belongings. You couldn't stay here.

People began climbing the stands to exit the sports arena, whereas you pushed your way down to get to where the turf met the bleachers. A few people looked at you, confused as to why you'd want to make your way onto the field especially since the season was over. It was the only place you wanted to be.

Seokmin slowly got up, but he couldn't bring his feet to walk off the pitch. He had given everything and then some for this team, for the game. As captain, he felt as if he had let everyone down especially the seniors who now just played in their final game. It wasn't the outcome they all hoped for.

And to make things worse, he saw the floods of his fellow classmates leaving the stadium. He wasn't surprised if you left with them. God, why would you even want to be with him now that he was the sole reason why the team's season was over.

"Seokmin!"

His head picked up, confused. It wasn't an angry voice as he was anticipated. He was convinced he was going to be on everyone's shit list until the end of the school year.

He didn't even have time to process who had called out as the voice was distant at first. All he felt was arms wrap around his torso, nearly knocking him over. Yet, his feet were glued to the turf. Maybe because hew as in denial that the game was actually over? Or that once he walks off, the season was truly over.

The only thing that brought him back to reality was when he looked down to see it was you. His arms instantly wrapped around you yet his eyes were wide as the moon. You didn't care how sweaty he was. You even tightened your hold on him.

"Y/n? Why are you still here?" His voice was soft, almost broken. Were you about to end things right here with them all because of the game? "Coming down to tell you how proud I am of you."

Proud? Why? Did you even watch the same game?

Yet, he didn't have the strength to question your intentions. His eyes swelled with tears as he buried his face into your shoulder. He squeezed your body delicately yet held you closely as if he was afraid you were going to float away from him.

The scent of your perfume has always been a comfort to him. Whether it be he was stressing over a paper, or that he was trying to relax after a game - you were a comfort to him. He squeezed your body again, hoping that with as non-communicative as he was being in the moment, you could feel how much he appreciated you just being here with them. He was speechless that you didn't give up hope on him, even if he let everyone down including himself.

"You did everything you could, put your whole heart out in the field tonight," you whispered into his ear. His eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of both your warm body against his own, and the way your fingers were currently driving through his hair. It was as if you knew exactly what he needed without him having to ask.

"No, y/n, sweetie. My heart was in the stands tonight."

He pulled back and you could see the tears both in his eyes and staining his cheeks. However, he wore a gentle smile. You smiled gently up at him as you kept one arm wrapped around his torso. Your other hand lifted up to gently brush the tears away. Not once did you take your eyes off of him. How could you when you had him, a pure work of art, standing in front of you?

"And I'll always be here, waiting for you either after the game to embrace you. No matter, win or lose, I'm don't plan on going anywhere, if that is okay with you." "It's more than okay," he whispered.

Winning tonight and securing a spot in the playoffs would have been nice. However, Seokmin now realized the greatest victory was making you his one and only. That's the goal he's been aiming for all season.

[buckets-and-trees]

Hehe I’m here with a dare 😏

So I’m such a sucker for angst but with a happy ending - I’d love to hear how you would go about writing a forced proximity meets the one that got away fic, from what I’ve read of your writing I feel like you’d really do those tropes justice

Alright, Em... let me stretch my fingers and get ready for this one...

I THOUGHT about this.

Ari Levinson

Modern AU - college and then mid-to-late-30s Ari

We're going to call this... er... maybe an "imagine-novella"? It kind of ended up being a 2500-word plot exploration. No content warnings, only some language.

You meet Ari in college. He’s tall and toned and tanned, always in a baseball cap unless forced otherwise, and he’s already sporting a full beard and looking good with it. He’s a couple of years older because he worked out of high school before for a couple of years - long enough to put enough away to pay for tuition without being a burden on his parents. When you meet him, it's when there's the huge club rush out on the quad your junior year. It's in the middle of campus in the first weeks of the semester so everyone does wander through by the nature of when and where it is. You see the table for the radio station on campus. Truthfully you don't even notice him at first. You're standing twenty feet away looking at the sign and thinking about whether or not it's worth it, maybe shake things up, you love music - you're that friend always making the playlists, discovering new songs and bands, dying to go to big music festivals, etc, and your campus has a radio station...

Someone else was talking to him as he's running that table, and they leave and then he sees you standing there, and, "Hey! You!"

It jolts you out of your thoughts and you're caught off guard for just a half a second, and go, "Me?"

He grins, "Yeah, you."

Your feet move before you even really think about it because ... that's just what you do when people call you over. It’s an instant crush for you but you try and reign it in, because he's excited that you're actually interested in the station, and you genuinely are excited about it. He's a Journalism and Communications major and the station manager, and so he gives you the pitch to come to an info meeting they're going to have, he'd love to see you there.

And you do go. Because... it doesn't matter that he's cute. The more you keep thinking about it, you decide it would actually be fun. You get a show, you make a lot of new friends with the other station people - some of them are total nerds, but they're all fun or nice or a little bit irreverent, and so station meetings once a month are fun. You're a good DJ. You have fun with your shows. Ari takes note - he appreciates it. The station is his baby. He puts everything into it. He's not outgoing, even though he's charismatic, but he can't help but gravitate to the people who really fucking love it like him. You don't get to know him super well that first year, but when it's time for him to appoint new directors to run the station the next year, he pulls you aside and says he loves what you've done with your show and wants you to think about applying for a director position.

You do. It's going to be your last year of college, the DJ gig hasn't been work, it's just been fun, and ... you love being part of the team, love to work on exciting projects, dig your hands into the dirt and make something great, so yeah. You throw your hat in the ring, because why not? And it could be an extra thing to go on your grad school applications.

Ari not only picks you for the team, he actually ends up picking you to be the director of programming, his number two, the one who oversees the DJs and putting together the roster for shows each semester. And that's what launches everything to a new level.

You lock down DJs that you want to come back the next fall, you both go away for the summer, but now you're texting somewhat regularly about ideas for the next year, things you'll work on, and the real working friendship develops. When fall semester starts and it's full speed on the ground, you and the team of directors really work to make the station great, but it's A LOT of you and Ari.

And to say he becomes one of your best friends senior year? Maybe. You tread that line because there's still that part of your heart that crushes on him, but the part that loves doing everything station and music and working on this big beast together? That's big. You let that be the focus. Because it's fun. And he's fun. And he's brilliant (like you, which is why he likes you) and ambitious (like you) and he's got this great, rich laugh that you get to hear a lot. And a lot of your other friends are busy with their senior years, too, and so are you, and so you don't mind any of the time you spend working on the station with Ari and the other directors and the DJs who are just this pack of a couple dozen people who come and go. But a lot of you and Ari.

And he doesn't date anyone. Not the entire time you know him. You heard/thought maybe there were some hook ups he indulged in during your junior year, but not that year before you both graduate. He clearly doesn't have time for a girlfriend and doesn't love anything more than the station, but you do think - just a little bit - just in the back of your head sometimes - that maybe you don't hear about him with anyone this year because... he's not going to date you - that would be unprofessional for you two and the station - but maybe it's because you are close. And maybe as you get closer to the end of the year... maybe he's going to make a move. He's always said he's already a confirmed old bachelor, but the way he smiles at you, the way he values your opinion, how often he says how amazing you are and how he appreciates you... you're going to be the girl who finally gets him.

But time is running out. And even though you both pour your hearts into the station together, there are never any late nights (those are given to studying, passing classes, etc). The last month, he says stuff like he's never going to see any of you again. Jokingly. You all laugh as directors because how could he mean it? He's made you all a family.

He makes more comments like that in the last weeks and days, and when he says he's going to shut down all of his social media, because he only had it to run and promote the station, you call him on his bullshit. And he says no. He's serious. He's going to go into journalistic photography, and he's going to create the network he needs where he needs it, but he's not playing the PR games to do it - the dream is wild nature photography, work in remote locations, never talk to humans again if he can help it. And it's so stupid. You tell Ari he's being ridiculous. He can't want to live so far off the grid.

"I'm sorry," he says, kindly but matter-of-factly. "But when we graduate, I'm never talking to any of you ever again."

You scoff. But this conversation is now just you and him in the station on a Saturday afternoon. But then you look at him for a half a second and really see his face. And you think he means it. "Ari, I did not give my fucking heart and soul into this station for the last year as your friend for you to never talk to me again. You at least owe me a lunch five years from now."

He smiles. "Okay. Maybe in five years. You find me in five years and I promise I'll take you to lunch."

And you graduate a week later, and he says goodbye, and you're not sad about it. Maybe just a bit wistful for what might have been. But after that specific "five years" conversation, you realize it was only you who was maybe a bit foolishly hopeful. He'd really never led you on. You never told him you had a crush (you had tried to keep it professional, because you did genuinely love the friendship) and he'd never given you or anyone else any illusion that he was there for anything other than working on the station and that bonding and camaraderie. If he had led you on, if there had been late nights, maybe you would've been hurt. But aside from being secretly hopeful, there really wasn't much harm done by your pining. But maybe in five years, you'll look him up for that lunch he agreed to.

He does fall off the gridl You take a busy summer job and then a paid internship in the fall, and you try and track him a bit, but you do just… get busy and move forward. You think of Ari a lot, but less and less as the time goes on. You know the name of the newspaper he was going to start off with right after graduation, and although he got rid of social media, he did have a beautiful website he set up for his photography. And you check that once in a while, but less and less. You get a fulltime job after the internship, and your life becomes even more full with the things that aren’t Ari, and sometimes you think about him, but most times you don’t.

When that five years rolls around, you start to think of him more again.

But you let it come and go.

You didn’t necessarily feel like you were living your best life, and if you were going to get one lunch to win over the one who got away and make him realize you were the love of his life… maybe you’d feel a little better – a little more accomplished, go to the gym more, be really something – in ten years.

Fleeting thought in ten years. Though you do think of him when you realize it’s that ten year mark. And you just kind of smile because ten years ago you was so wildly for him, and five years ago you was still a touch foolishly hopeful, and wouldn’t it be something if you did look him up now? But you really don’t need to anymore.

Then a couple of years later, you move to a new place, and without ever even trying, who else should somehow be living two doors down from you but Ari fucking Levinson?

And he sees you first. He’s just gotten home, opened the door from the garage into the house to be reunited with his good girl – a beautiful golden retriever who’s waited for him all day, walked with her trotting along at his side out to his mailbox, and looks down the street to see who’s just sending off the movers out of curiosity for who’s moving into the neighborhood, and he does a fucking double take because it’s you.

His god damn jaw drops and he laughs and then calls out your name.

You turn, hardly believing it but knowing that voice anywhere, and you laugh and shake your head. “Ari Levinson?”

You push the messy hair from the long day’s work of moving out of your face and are glad you’re not besotted for this man anymore, even if he does look like even more of an Adonis now, because you do know you look a mess, but you don’t even care. Having moved out of state for this dream job, you couldn’t be any more happy just to have someone from your past right at your new home base.

“’Of all the gin joints in all the towns in the world!’”

He meets you halfway, and he pauses a beat away from you because he’s not a hugger, but somehow there’s just this draw to hug you, and so he does. Only surprising to you for a second, but you’re so tired and it’s been a good day but a long day, and you were excited for this move, but you can’t deny a familiar face just feels good, so you melt into him just for the comfort of it for a moment. It’s just nice.

And when you pull back, the obedient but attentive dog draws your attention, lighting your face up with a beautiful grin. “Can I pet your dog?!”

But the two of you are already drawn to each other and bonding before he gets the, “Sure, of course,” out of his mouth.

He doesn’t wear those old baseball caps every day anymore, so he pushes his hand through his hair, and that move has practically made women drop their panties for him over the years, but you don’t even notice, too busy showering affection on his sweet golden girl while the two of you exchange the kind of words two of the oldest friends do when they haven’t seen each other in ages. Why is his chest so tight and warm all at once. Why does he have the thought cross his mind that you showing up here feels like home? Why are you falling in love with his dog and not with him? Wait, why did he think that?

This feels like a slippery slope.

But maybe he doesn’t fucking care.

When he is back inside his house, starting to pull something from the fridge to heat up for dinner, he remembers that he promised you a dinner.

It’s later than you two made the deal for, but… he’ll start there.

Just old friends who are new neighbors.

That night when he’s plugging his phone in to charge before bed, he remembers that he never did get rid of your contact in his phone. You might have the same number.

What he doesn’t know is that when he left the harbor, sure, you waited with that boat hopefully for a bit, but then you finally took your ship and sailed – everywhere really – and you may be eager to fall happily in love with his dog and genuinely grateful to know you’ll have someone in your corner on this new adventure, but you want nothing more than that good friendship in your life. He was one of your greatest friends all those years ago. But you finally got over that pining crush, and here’s no way you’ll be foolish enough to fall for him again, nor do you want to. You couldn’t ask for more than to have your old friend as your new neighbor, with his gorgeous golden retriever.

Ari does text you that night… just a welcome to the neighborhood again, and that he thinks he owes you a dinner, if he remembers correctly (he does, he’s just being casually clever), so he’s gotta take you out tomorrow night.

And it is still the same number, but you fell into the blissful rest of your bed, exhausted after move in day, so you don’t even see it that night. It will wait until you get to it in the morning.

Just like Ari will have to wait for what he wants. And work to try to even bring you around again.

Will he have waited too long and you’ll be the one who got away?

[canyouiimagine]

DO I WANNA KNOW ? | CL16 x Black! Reader

PART 1

Masterlist

✧ Paring: CEO! Charles Leclerc x CEO black!reader

✧ Warning: Mentions of cheating, no smut but some sexual tension.

✧ Summary: How far is Mr. Leclerc willing to go to get you.

✧ Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not own nor know these people personally. I also do not claim this to be an accurate depiction of their character. 🥰

✧ A/N: This was actually about someone else but I thought why not use Charles for this 👀. Also, English is not my first language so 👉🏾👈🏾.

It had been five years since the last time you were here.

Nothing had changed much. The same African Blackwood walls, the same wood flooring. The same lingering perfume in the halls. His perfume.

“Mr. Leclerc is ready to see you.” The receptionist told you. Five years ago, you were at her place. Which is how you knew that Mr. Leclerc enjoys coming to get his guests in Person. Matter of fact, you remember him getting angry more than once when guests were sent to his office instead of him being called to come and greet them. Sure, anything could change in 5 years, but you knew more than anyone that Mr. Leclerc was a creature of habit and that he would not be so quick to change something he had been practicing long before you even worked for him. You also knew that he was doing all of this to rile you up.

You got up and followed the receptionist towards the oh so familiar door of Leclerc’s office.

You entered and there he stood before you. Mr. Charles Leclerc in all his glory. The same luscious hair that you longed to run your fingers through. The same well-tailored suit. The same expensive Tom Ford perfume. And the same smile. A smile that used to make your day. A smile that you felt like belonged to you, and only you.

“Miss Y/L/N! I’m glad you could find the time to see me! I know you’re very busy these days.”

If you didn’t know any better, you would think his comment was genuine. But you had gotten to know him like the back of your hand. Mr. Leclerc was used to always getting what he wanted. He wanted to see you, and he made sure you had no other choice but to come to him.

“As you said, I’m very busy these days so let’s just get straight to the point. What do you want?”

He wasn’t taken aback by your rude response. He just smiled and motioned for you to sit down while he made his way around his desk to do the same.

“Leclerc has been looking into expending its horizons to fashion.” He started. But you knew better. While it is true that Leclerc was a group of the diverse ventures, the billion-euro transnational had never shown the slightest interest in anything fashion related, or in selling goods in general. Matter of fact, his family would probably have a meltdown if they knew about this. If they knew what he was willing to do to get close to you. “There are additional millions in turnover that we aren’t making by neglecting the fashion industry.”

“There are more than a hundred fashion brands to choose from in this country alone. So why go after mine?”

“There might be as many as you say but no other independent brand has your numbers, Miss Y/L/N.” He said to and smirked.

He knew how to talk himself way out of any questioning, and this was no exception. Your company was doing well, that is true. Some might even say it was doing better than most. He knew you couldn’t argue him on that. But as you said earlier, Charles is a man that knows how to get what he wants, and if your company was what he wanted, he would have just gone for it. Instead, he had gotten a formal acquision proposal sent to your office adding that if you did not agree to a meeting, he would resort to buying up company shares until you would be left with nothing.

“If my company was really what you wanted, you wouldn’t go out of your way to threaten me with a meeting Charles. What do you actually want?”

He was no longer smiling.

“Come here Y/N.” You couldn’t help myself. You did exactly as he said and made your way to stand before him. He looked you up and down and the smile that he adorned earlier was back.

You dressed up for him and he knew it.

“Sit down.” You didn’t need to ask where, you already knew “where you belonged”. It felt like a repeat that night. Except today you would be standing your ground. Today, you wouldn’t be falling for his lies. Your face hardened.

“The proposal for the acquisition better be withdrawn by tomorrow, Lee.” You said with a cold tone, before turning around to leave.

“We really did divorce Y/N.” There he went again with his lies. His comment had made you stop but you quickly regained your composure and left.

Charles was a married man. Something you wish someone had told you before you fell for him.

Hope you enjoyed it 🥹💖

Here's my ko-fi in case any of you want to support me by giving donations 🥰: https://ko-fi.com/canyouiimagine

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for asking my spouse to open up our relationship?

Tl;dr: He said no years ago but our sex life is non-existent and I'm climbing the walls.

Full story:

Me (early 30s, NB) and my partner (late 30s, M) have been together for over a decade. We have a kid, a mortgage and enough interests in common to keep each other entertained. He's a genuinely good person and the last thing I want to do is hurt him. BUT.

We met before I hit 20, and he was my first ever serious relationship. Our sex life tanked about two years in, but we both had other things going on, and over time I blamed many different factors: living conditions, shift work, my weight gain, health issues, differences in upbringing, levels of queerness - you name it. In the last few years I helped him through a serious medical condition (think two surgeries and a long recovery), but once he was nominally in the clear my mental health went down the drain and I haven't really been back to normal since.

For a while, I had a really good counsellor and for once got to talk about some of the less savoury shit going on in my noggin. It all ended up on a Realisation that we only had sex while sober on a laughably small number of occasions, and any and all attempts on my part to spice things up ended at best with affectionately confounded denial or just a straight up brick wall. I got sober a few years before he did (I'm talking 'uh oh maybe we're having too many too often' rather than 'out of control alcoholism'), which effectively ended our sex life altogether. At this point I'm looking at a solid year since my husband last touched me, and even then it was after he came home from a pub in a silly mood so neither of us ended up getting much out of it. And it's not even the longest stretch.

I floated this as an issue a number of times, and every time he agreed it's something to work on then did precisely zilch. I told him point blank once that I wouldn't be opposed to an open relationship, but he was vehemently against, because that's the first step to a break up in his mind. I suggested he might be ace (there are several clues to that, not just my increasingly unhinged internet history), bought the book as a way to start a discussion - he put it on a shelf and never looked at it again.

After my Big Bad Breakdown earlier this year we ended up in family counselling. It quickly became clear that there are so many things he just Didn't Consider that the sex thing didn't even get mentioned, then we ran out of slots and he hasn't followed up on any of his revelations from the sessions, so I feel like digging in is a lost cause.

I love him, don't want to leave him and quite frankly couldn't even if I did because the UK is a financial ruin. I also have some extremely unfulfilled needs, and can't even rub one out in peace because he finds it weird (???). Even if I didn't find cheating morally Too Far it sounds exhausting and I already have too much going on. I haven't been the easiest person to be around for the last few months, but this has been a years-long issue. So, WBITA to start the conversation on the open relationship again, despite the negative feedback I had previously?

(If it helps, we both have different flavours of neurodivergence, although mine is under treatment and his largely ignored.)

What are these acronyms?

[jweekgoji]

Hi <3 are you taking requests? If so, could i request some headcanon/senarios of yandere!five x yandere!reader? I love the manipulative reader series you did and imagine this version to be alittle similar with a dynamic sorta similar to joe and love from the netflix show 'you'.

When five first meets reader she comes across nieve but sweet and he falls for her innocence and kindness towards him. Shes always looking out for him and supporting him and he cant help but wanna protect her. Hes so preoccupied with spending time with her, scaring off any looks from other men and taking advantage of her kindness that he doesnt relise that the waitress at the cafe they went to together last weekend who had written her number on the inside of the napkin she gave to five when giving him and you your coffee has mysteriously gone missing..

He wonders if your just too innocent to really understand what hes saying when he vaguely admits hes done terrible things and you respond with a flippant 'me too' with a smile, little does he know you understand completely.

so i had some researchers about those two from 'you' series and now I'm interested in it!! anon, thank you ~

Five couldn't take his eyes off you.

For someone who is so good at controlling his emotions, he seems to have forgotten how he should behave in such situations.

Something about your pretty figure made him truly have an interest in you, forget about his job, about the obligation to be the hero in this story and spend another sleepless nights trying to save everyone.

And he definitely doesn't need to keep staring at you like that. Come on Number Five, you've got a lot to do and you're a very busy man, just turn away and start doing your work— Oh, fuck, now you noticed.

Five's heart beats faster when he sees your gaze directed right at him and his first reaction was to quickly look away and pretend that he was looking at the clock or just zoning out, while you, by a lucky chance, were just in front of him.

'Just a coincidence' , he justifies himself.

He grumbles, muttering something under his breath, until he finally turns away, trying to fully concentrate on his business and try to ignore that cute picture of your face in his head, your pleasant voice when you ask him to help you with something so simple, light touches on his shoulder when...

The sound of clicking pen is so loud that it's probably already getting on the nerves of his colleagues nearby, but he didn't care what they thought, when all he could think now was you.

You stand so close next to your work colleague that your hands can barely touch their body. You look happy, and Five genuinely enjoys the fact that you can stay in a good mood in any situation. That's why he works so hard for you. One of his main points is to keep watching the people he love are safe.

But could you step back for a couple of meters, please? The second, more jealous side of him is louder in his head and telling him not just to watch, but these are just simple work conversations during a break, right?

Five believes you, he is ready to trust you completely, but the people around you are not reliable and after all those years of his long, eventful life, he knows that every potential person that you meet can actually harm you.

Therefore, as your hero, he is obliged to intervene and protect you, the love of his heart, like a beautiful and not quite young prince, from a big and terrible villain.

You hear a noise behind you and a bright short flash of blue appears for a moment, which makes you smile slightly, already knowing what will happen.

You're holding a cup of coffee and you make an confused, surprised face as you turn around to look at Five, then give him your usual bright smile.

The person with who you just had conversation seems to be just as confused, but now for real, when they see Number Five in front of them, still as gloomy as usual.

Five comes closer to you, his hand resting on your interlocutor's shoulder and squeezing suspiciously tight, with a forced smile on his face that made the other person swallow nervously.

“Sorry friend, I hope you don’t mind if I steal them for a while?” 5 says, smugly grinning.

“Actually, we are—” the person starts, before Five interrupts them.

“Great,” he answers casually, focusing his attention at you instead, smile drops immediately as soon as he turns away from them.

Five is not even trying to listen to what they wanted to say, he quickly grabs your hand and blinks away, not bothered by what others will thought about this scene. Old man had enough of sharing you with everyone else today, now it's his time to be with you.

You almost stumble after this unexpected act of jealousy from Number Five, and his hand holds yours tighter, preventing you from falling.

A soft sighs comes from you when you notice that man's arms were held protectively around your waist.

“Please, warn me when you try something like that next time,” you lean closer to Five, trying to calm him down.

“I will,” he rolls his eyes. “If only you will promise me not to be all day around those idiots.”

You laugh at his words, appreciating his overprotective behavior towards you and only nod at him, which causes a soft satisfied purr from Five.

“Okay, okay,” you try to reassure him and give him a soft kiss on the corner of his lips. “ The same goes for you.”

Five just closes his eyes, resting his forehead against yours, enjoying the time he can spend with you and only you alone. He didn't think twice before giving his answer, just quietly mutters : “Deal”.

⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

You love this old man so much, but sometimes you wonder if he does it on purpose?

Does he have to smile like that at every waitress in the cafe?

Should he call every woman he meets as 'dear?'

Does he have to stare at every woman named Delores? I thought you two go through this line a long time ago.

This might be just his politeness or the ghosts of his past, but it makes you clench your teeth in anger, every time you sit on your goddamn place trying to pick an order in this stupid shit hole.

You bite the inside of your cheek as you try to ignore the conversation around you, concentrating, or at least trying to focus your attention on the clock, counting seconds before your order arrives.

“How much longer do we have to wait?” you ask impatiently.

“Are you in a hurry, hun?” Five turns his gaze to you and smiles slightly.

You smile back at him and shake your head, resting your cheek on your hand as you look at him.

“I'm just so tired...” you say sweetly, sighing, to make your words more sounds like truth. “Can't we just take our order and go home instead?”

Five is silent for a moment, as if trying to see whether your words are true. But after a few seconds, he leans closer to you and tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“If you really tired then let's go home.” he gets up from his seat to come and pick up your order.

You just nod and silently follow his every action with your eyes, watching from afar. You wanted to find any reason to leave as soon as possible, trying to exclude any attempts by that annoying waitress who is trying to get close to your lover.

And it was so fucking difficult to control yourself from grabbing that terribly hot coffee from her hands and just splashing it all over her face when you notice those obvious attempts to flirt with your Number Five.

You blink once, then again, interrupting your disturbing thoughts. No, you shouldn't have to think like that, you convince yourself. What will Five think if he saw you like this?

Your slight smile slowly fades from your face and you look rather bored, tilting your head slightly, deciding not to disturb this sweet conversation between the two.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

You were glad to be able to spend a good night next to your lover. Every moment of peace and quiet with Five was very dear to you, especially if it meant that somehow you were able to put this poor guy to sleep.

His hands always holding tightly onto your body, as if afraid to let go and at one moment wake up without seeing you next to him. You were dozing, head pressed against Five's chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat. You was so close to fall asleep again until you felt his hand slowly rubbing circles on your back as if trying to calm his nerves.

Slowly lifting your head up, you look at him with half-open eyes, silently asking what made him so worried in the middle of the night. This was not new to you, it's easy to predict that he might have possible problems with his sleep, knowing how lonely and abandoned most of Five's life was.

“I didn't mean to wake you up,” he mumbles softly, trying to avoid talking to you. “Just go back to sleep, don't worry about me”.

You pout playfully at his words, wrapping your arms around his waist and closing your eyes, “Five,” you whisper. “You don’t have to hide everything from me. Please, tell me what's on your mind and it will get better, I promise”.

Five sighs tiredly and it makes you sure that he will try to open up to you tonight. You never forced it on him, expecting that eventually, someday, he would feel comfortable enough to share with you the things that catches his mind. Your attention was focused on what he might said while your eyes were still resting from a hard, long day.

“Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you after all the shit I've done,” he curses, frowning slightly. “I'm not sure you even understand me.”

“Many people have done bad things in their entire lives, besides, you had no other chance, Five,” you suddenly say, looking perfectly calm. “And me too, actually. We should just move on from that”.

Five pauses for a moment, his eyes concentrated on your relaxed figure next to him, enjoying the warmth between your bodies. It seems like you didn't really think about what you were saying because of how sleepy you were, Five thinks, so he don't have any idea about the significance of your words, deciding that you, as always, were just trying to support him.

Did you feel bad for what you did? Maybe, after all, you were the same living person, you tend to feel at least a drop of compassion. But right now, you don't care. The only thing that matters right now is to be with the person you care about. It seems that tomorrow morning you should remind Number Five not to go to your favorite cafe tomorrow.

“Yeah, of course,” he says, totally not taking your words seriously as he pulls you closer towards himself, finally closing his eyes and trying to rest, ending this conversation. “ Now let's get some sleep, love”.

[lonelyroommp3]

would you share the video essay? i also would like to be doing nothing rn

honestly it was not very good so i won't share that particular one lol but my favourite casual watch channels in general include -

if you want to get a recap of drama you would otherwise not know or care about:

emma in the moment - craft/fibre arts related drama (think dodgy yarn dyers, crochet plagiarism accusations, etc)

treacle tatts - tattoo related drama; mix of longer drama recaps & tiktok reaction vids. you could definitely waste an entire afternoon just watching the tattoogate series

izzzyzzz - very much in the sarah z/strange aeons school of "old fandom drama i almost forgot about" but i find izzzyzzz's videos tend to focus more on fandoms i'm not as familiar/don't have history with (my little pony, creepypasta, deviantart in general, etc) so it kind of fills a different niche for me in terms of learning something new as opposed to getting a cursed nostalgia hit. their mary sue video is a particular fave

if you like messy pop culture drama throwbacks:

casey aonso. honestly one of my fave youtubers in the game atm as someone with a big interest in 2000s/2010s pop culture, i've mentioned it before but her fifth harmony video is quite possibly my number one comfort watch of all time. cracks me up every time without fail

if you are a public transport enjoyer:

both geoff marshall and jago hazzard do very interesting & informative videos mainly focusing on the transport for london network but also going further afield. mostly shorter form content but there are a couple of interesting longer ones like geoff's video about riding every tfl bus

i find noel phillips' videos interesting from a pov of exploring various niche airlines but i can't lie him talking to camera on an otherwise silent plane & also surreptitiously recording his interactions with airline staff DOES give me potent second hand embarrassment and genuine moral qualms respectively so tread carefully on those ones i suppose

if you REALLY want to turn your brain off and just have some background noise i am a big fan of 1) level crossing videos. just search "uk level crossings channel" and go wild. 2) livestreams of planes landing in various airports. pairs well with flightradar24 in another tab especially if you happen to live somewhere underneath an airport's flight path so you can get what i like to call the "dual monitor experience" of seeing the plane irl and on the stream

if you want oddly satisfying content

HOOF TRIMMING VIDEOS!! if you just want something clean and satisfying watch horse hoof trimming vids. if like me you don't mind or arguably even prefer complex & occasionally graphic medical cases then cows are where it's at. the big two cow hoof youtubers - mootubers, if you will - are the hoof gp (scotland based, mix of straightforward short form trims and longer vlog style videos, more comedy & banter sprinkled throughout) and nate the hoof guy (usa based, more straightforward and calm delivery, come for the hooves stay for his commenters' absolute vendetta against the hoof gp under nearly every single video)

i love girl with the dogs for dog/cat grooming videos. she has two channels, one with very short (2-5 min) grooms and another with longer (15-20 min) more in depth videos

back in my last year of undergrad i got really into soap making videos. mainly watch royalty soaps who can be... a bit gratingly cheerful in her delivery but if you don't mind that the actual content is very relaxing to watch

[sabo-has-my-heart]

Time's Up

"1. Sabo and fem!reader has an arranged and timed marriage where they both don't have feelings for each other and they only have to be married for one or two years. Well... Actually just Sabo not having feeling for reader because she has been secretly crushing on him. The marriage could be between nobles, or between countries, etc. Even though he doesn't like her romantically, Sabo treats her nicely and she also is very supportive of her. She listens to all of his stories and takes interest in his hobbies. Sabo gradually falls in love with her and is actually hoping that the marriage will last. Reader doesn't know the change of his heart, she just thinks that Sabo treats her nice and is grateful of that. Then Sabo confesses on the day their contract ends. Massive fluffy ending where reader and Sabo shows their goofy love in public even though they are famous nobles. (I have this idea while reading some Korean manhwas lol)"

So this isn't in two parts because somehow, somehow, it was exactly 2000 words! I was writing it and wasn't really worried about length, and was super surprised when it was so perfectly numbered!

Warnings: hurt/comfort, light angst, happy ending, arranged marriage

Word Count: 2000

     Sitting on a wicker chair in the garden, you sighed, one leg pulled close to your chest. You’d had feelings for the young man for years, ones you’d even attempted acting on. It never ended with much more than a ‘hey, it was nice to see you’, but at least you were trying. When you’d heard that there would be an arranged marriage, you were ecstatic. A chance to marry him?! It was a dream come true! It might not be out of love, but maybe you could get there? Maybe by being married you could get him to fall for you? Learning that it would only be for two years ruined your hopes. How could you get him to fall for you in 2 years? Maybe if it were 5 years, but two? 

     Sure, you smiled for all the pictures, you smiled whenever you were out in public with him and you put on a good face with him but in all honesty, you were actually kind of distressed. Two years, that was all you had. You two didn’t even share a bed. He hadn’t wanted to force either of you to sleep in the same bed when your marriage was just a timed arranged one. So you had separate rooms, you did your own things. You still had meals together, you still greeted each other in the mornings and you tried to take an interest in his hobbies, but in the time you got alone, you let that all fade away. Your smile fell, your eyes watered and your heart ached. How were you going to get him to fall for you? Could you get him to fall for you? What if this was all just platonic for him? He was always nice to you, he supported everything you did, always gave you a cheery smile and if he noticed you were feeling down, he’d give you a comforting hug. Not that you let him see you down, not if you could avoid it. Was it healthy to hide away from him like you were doing? No. Would letting him know that you were upset bring you closer? Probably. But if you let him see just how distressed you were, he’d ask questions, he’d want to know what had you so upset so often and you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him.

     Leaning against the balcony railing, Sabo stared out into the garden. You didn’t know it, but from his balcony window, he had a perfect view of the center of the garden where you sat. You always went out there when you were feeling down. He wished he could do something for you, but it was hard enough to get you to admit you were feeling down on the occasions that he caught you normally. He hadn’t been too worried when the two of you had first gotten engaged. It was timed, meaning once the two years were up, you were both free to go your own ways. Now, it was starting to cause him some of his own distress. You were always so sweet, taking an interest in each tale he told you, asking about his interests. The blond wasn’t easily fooled either, he could see the genuine interest on your face. But the timer was ticking away and with each click of the clock hands, he felt the aching in his chest grow stronger. He had to find a way to make this marriage work, had to find a way to make it last. Running a hand through his hair, he took a deep breath. You were so kind to him, so nice, so what about the marriage made you so upset? Was it that you only saw him like a brother? A platonic love? Oh fuck, he hoped not. Perhaps you only saw him as a friend? Someone who held similar interests but didn’t love him in that way. 

     He’d always tried to be supportive of you, to treat you well. Even if he hadn’t felt that way about you in the beginning, he didn’t want to make your married life hell. But with each passing day, his feelings drifted from acquaintances… then to friends… love… he swore he was nearing obsession. He needed this marriage to work, the thought of you leaving him left him wanting to curl into a ball and sob. Both hands were in his hair now gripping his head. He had to figure out something. Why had he insisted on different bedrooms?! Married couples slept in the same bed even if they didn’t love each other, he should have shared a room with you! Besides, the bed was more than big enough for two people! Hearing the chime of the clock made him shake. Another hour gone. Another hour closer to the end of the contract. He had to make you fall for him no matter what! He had almost a year left, 11 months, he had to do whatever it took to make you love him and he had 11 months to do so.

     Walking down the street together, you were both lost in thought. A few months, a few months and this would be over. You’d both be gone from each other’s lives. You might get to be friends, close friends, but the marriage would be over, you’d both move on. Well he might move on, you weren’t entirely sure. You just wished he loved you.

     He hoped he didn’t look as downcast as he felt, he didn’t want anyone to ask questions as to why he looked so down while he was with the most beautiful girl of the millenia. Didn’t want people wondering what was wrong with you that had him looking so down when he had you with him. He only had a few more months before this was over, before you’d be gone from each other’s lives. The best he could get was close friends but you wouldn’t be married and the two of you would move on. That wasn’t entirely true. You’d probably move on, find a man you were head over heels with. He just wished you loved him. 

     He’d tried being even nicer to you lately, tried showing you more attention, tried being more affectionate, but each time, you’d head to the garden and stare out mindlessly while your mind swirled with despair. It was driving him insane. He hadn’t even been coming on strong, he’d been making sure to take it slow! Yet nothing he did helped, it only drove you out to the garden with increasing frequency to escape him! Did you really dislike him that much?! He had one last chance, his all or nothing. He hadn’t wanted to reach this point, he’d wanted for you both to gradually fall for each other, you’d spend more time with him, and one day you’d both realize that the contract had been up a long time ago. You’d both laugh at how you’d forgotten it before cuddling up to one another again.

     You only had a few more days. Just a few more days and your contract was up. He’d been more… touchy lately. Sweeter. Probably because he was happy the contract was ending. He could leave and go do whatever he wanted. It had you out in the garden more often. Where he couldn’t see you or your despair. Did he even realize how much his touch and affection hurt? You’d crushed on him for years, for him to act like this, it was absolutely tearing you apart!

     Standing in the main entryway, you stared at him. Your bags were packed upstairs, you knew where you’d be going once he told you it was over. He wasn’t the type to tell you to pack your shit and get out but you didn’t want to stay a second longer than you had to. In his hand was a folder, one that held the contract. You knew it did. You were going to head out, get everything checked out, and sign the divorce papers so you could go your separate ways. Sabo took a deep breath as he gave you a sad look.

     “Before we uh… before we go, can I say something?” he asked, watching as you nodded. It would probably be the last thing he said to you, “Thanks. Listen, I know these last two years have probably been really hard on you. You could be out doing whatever you wanted, dating whoever you liked, but uh, I just wanted to say that I really didn’t mind being married to you. I was a little skeptical at first, but you’re… you’re actually really amazing. I… I kinda wish the contract wasn’t up. I wish that… that this wasn’t a timed marriage. Sure it was arranged but I’ve actually fallen for you. Y/n… I know you don’t want to be trapped in an arranged marriage, but I want you to know that I love you. Even if we don’t ever see each other again, I don’t think I’ll ever forget you.”

     His words left you stunned. He… he loved you? Was he joking? Did he actually love you? Tears began to stream down your cheeks, sending him into a panic as he dropped the documents, trying to wipe your tears away.

     “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, I just didn’t want to end this without telling you. I didn’t mean to make you cry! I’m so sorry!” his voice was panicked as he held your face in his hands, trying desperately to wipe away your tears. 

     “You… you love me? I… are you serious?” you asked, your heart pounding. Sabo paused, giving you a sorrowful look.

     “Yeah. Yeah I am. Please, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry.” he said softly, still trying to wipe away your tears, though more slowly and gently. You let out a choked laugh, taking his face in your own hands as you kept laughing past the tears. Pulling him close, you kissed him with as much passion as you could even as tears kept falling.

     Sabo felt his heart skip a beat as you kissed him. His hands moving from your cheeks to around your waist, holding you tightly.

     “I love you too. So, so much.” you said once you parted, giving him a loving smile, “I never felt trapped in this marriage. I was terrified that it was going to end. Sabo, I love you more than anything. I never wanted the contract to be up, I still don’t. I don’t want to get a divorce. I love you.” you admitted, pulling him into another kiss. Another, then another until you were both left breathless.

     “Then we won’t. We won’t get a divorce. We can stay married. The timer was how long we had to stay together, not how long we want to stay together.” he said happily, pulling you close, “Come on. I want to take you out. Wherever you want! I want to take you out on a real date.” he said, taking your hand and pulling you towards the door. You just laughed as you both hurried outside. Neither of you cared that you were on foot, that you were just running down the street laughing. You didn’t care that others stared as he picked you up in the middle of the park and spun you around before pulling you into a kiss. And you didn’t care when it started pouring down rain, absolutely drenching the both of you as you continued to laugh and enjoy yourselves. Even when you walked into the fanciest restaurant in town, drenched head to toe and dripping on their fine carpet, you both just laughed. The maitre de forced to seat you despite how casually you were dressed or how wet you were, lest they lose your business for good. Not even the looks from those in the restaurant could ruin your good mood. Not when you were both in love with each other.

[ofliterarynature]

FEBRUARY 2024 WRAP UP

[loved liked ok nope dnf (reread) book club*]

The Djinn Waits a Hundred Years • The Memory Librarian • Pixels of You* • Arch-Enemies • Moby Dyke • Pip Bartlett’s Guide to Magical Creatures • A Sinister Revenge • Lud in the Mist • Crying in H Mart • Something Close to Magic • Hula • (Renegades) • The Divorce Colony • Foundryside • Earthlings • A Far Wilder Magic

total: 13 books (12 audiobook, 1 print)

Not as many books this month! And not just because February has fewer days, I was really in a funk this month and struggling to pay attention to my audiobooks (and enjoy them). You wouldn't think there's such a thing as too many books, but I think the overtime hours at work are hitting their peak mental health destruction. Here's to hoping things improve in March!

The Divorce Colony (4.5 stars) - genuinely can't believe this was my 3rd nonfic of the year already! I picked a print copy of this up at a library sale in December after hearing about divorce colonies in the early 20th century on a recent episode of the 99% Invisible podcast. Turns out this book was actually about the beginning of the moment that took place in Sioux Falls, South Dakota in the 1800's. Western states had shorter residency periods and less strict divorce laws, so women (and the occasional man) would travel west and live there for several months in order to obtain a divorce. This book tracks the movement through the stories of 4 of the more infamous cases to make the papers, and does an incredible job of weaving in the surrounding political and religious discussions. Would recommend, and has a great cover to boot!

Renegades (3 stars) - a reread, and for some reason it was torture. I originally read this back in 2018 and loved it, and wanted to tackle it again and actually finish the rest of the series. But I kept getting worked up and frustrated this time around! It kept trying to take itself seriously while also being very YA and kind of superhero-camp, and I was absolutely overthinking it lol. I found the strength to press on into book two, Archenemies (3.5 stars). I liked it a bit more! Something about it being new, the story being a bit more settled and maybe getting a better grasp on its message/politics, the characters growing more, me figuring out that I shouldn't listen to the audiobook for more than an hour or so at a time, lmao. Not great, but fun, and possibly worth reading? I'll keep y'all updated when I finish book 3.

Hula (5 stars) - incredible. Part generational family story, part history, part discussion of what it means to be Hawaiian, culturally and legally. Not always the easiest of reads, but it was so so worth it. It was also doing something very interesting with parts of the narration voiced by a collective "we" (culture/community?) that I would love to get a look at in print. Highly recommend, I'll definitely be getting myself a copy.

Something Close to Magic (4.5 stars) - an absolute delight! The Gail Carson Levine comp on this one is not entirely unearned, anyone who's a fan of fairy tale type fantasies will enjoy this, I had a great time! Very interestingly, it has characters who are in their mid to late teens, but is written in a way where they're still allowed to be young, to the point I'm surprised it didn't get shoehorned into MG instead of YA. If the author writes any more of these I'd be happy to read them.

Crying in H Mart (3.5 stars) - nonfic number 4! I'm sure everyone's heard of this one by now, which is why I finally picked it up. It's fine (which is why it got an extra .5 star), but on the scale of take it or leave it, I'd leave it. It just wasn't for me and I kind of wish I'd dnf'd it. A great cover though.

Lud-in-the-Mist (3.5 stars) - this one seems to be considered a sort of early precursor to fantasy and fairy tale type stories from the early 20th century, and I was eager to try it! While I definitely don't think it would feel out of place amongst it's more recent fellows (think the Last Unicorn, Robin McKinley, DWJ, etc), I absolutely could not get into it. Probably the chief recipient of "my brain doesn't want to cooperate, sorry," so maybe I'll give it another shot someday.

A Sinister Revenge (4 stars) - enjoyable as always! Not to hide this deep in my reviews or anything, but have the Emily Wilde people tried Veronica Speedwell yet?

Pip Bartlett's Guide to Magical Creatures (3 stars) - This one's been sitting unread on my shelf for a while, and since I was on a bit of a Maggie Stiefvater run, I figured it was perfect! Well. Unless you are like 7, this was so bad. Not good. Having previously read and not liked a book by Maggie's co-author Jackson Pearce, I think it would not be unreasonable for me to assume she did most of the writing while Maggie did the illustrations - if the audiobook had been any longer than 4 hours I'd have absolutely DNF'd it, and I have no intention of continuing the series.

Moby Dyke: An Obsessive Quest to Track Down the Last Remaining Lesbian Bars in the Country (4.5 stars) - part of me was wondering what I was doing trying this lol, not being someone who drinks or goes to bars, OR, as previously mentioned, is not the biggest fan of memoirs. It was not, as I hoped, also part research project, but it is a travelogue, and as a consequence has a strong narrative thread. It also has a lot of discussions about issues in the LGBTQ+ community, and overall I really liked it once I figured out what it was doing!

Pixels of You (3.5 stars) - a very short sapphic rivals-to friends-to lovers graphic novel about a human-form AI and a human with an android eye competing for a photography internship at an art gallery. The creators clearly put SO much thought into their characters and worldbuilding, but sadly there is nowhere near enough length here to do it all justice, and a number of elements felt very odd or under explored. The relationship parts are great! I just think this needed to be twice as long to really given everything its due, or maybe explored in prose instead.

The Memory Librarian (3.5 stars) - to start, I know nothing about the musical album this is related to, so I don't know how much that might have affected my reading. Overall I wasn't super impressed - when I discovered that the first story was cowritten by Alaya Dawn Johnson - no shade to her - I almost dropped it then, I just really didn't like her writing style in the one book I've read. But I stuck through it. Of the five stories, only one really stuck in my mind - Nevermind, cowritten by Danny Lore, which I could have read an entire novel about. I wish I could recommend it on its own, but overall I just don't quite understand the world Monae has created.

The Djinn Waits a Hundred Years (3.5 stars) - I probably should say more about the book, it was fine, I was surprised to find that it's set in relatively current day, I found myself a lot more interested in the second narrative about the house's history, which did make me cry a bit. Mostly though, I really just want to let you know how MUCH of a non-entity the djinn was in this story, I have no idea why it was there and why it was included in the title of the book. All the author had to do was make the house a little more sentient and haunted and it would be fine, idk. Read it if you want, but it's not one I would rec.

DNF'S

Foundryside - I was so ready. I had the first two audiobooks checked out, I had the third one on hold. I started this but oh, the writing. bleh. I was looking thought reviews and someone referred to it as something like "21st century internet speak." In a high fantasy novel. I noped out at just 10%.

Earthlings - I've considered the author's other book before but haven't read it, but thought maybe a sci-fic book would work better for me? The beginning was odd but not uninteresting, and I might have continued if it had stayed that way. But then the main character was in school(?) and her teacher started getting handsy after class and I wasn't invested enough to stick it out.

A Far Wilder Magic - the success of Something Close to Magic made me a little too hopeful I think, bc while I'm still a little leery around YA, I know people have liked this. And it sounded interesting, truly, and I love the cover. But first it was the religion stuff. And I didn't really like the characters. Then it's like, oh, this is the same plot as The Scorpio Races, but nowhere near it's quality in any shape or form. I decided to stop while I was ahead, before I started to actually dislike it. (anyway here's your PSA to go read The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater, I recommend doing it in October if you can).

[itjazzbicch]

Have You

Pairing: Lee Chaolan x Fem Reader 

Summary: Being a high-ranked employee at Violet Systems, Lee has always taken an interest in the reader, but due to her past, she tries to block him out but opens up on Christmas Eve when she realizes Lee's pure feelings within his gift for her...

Requested by: @sacredwarrior88 (I hope you enjoy it! Merry Christmas!)

Warnings:  SMUT! (18+ ONLY! MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DNI! YOU WILL BE BLOCKED!) 

Word Count: 1.6k 

"You're still here, Y/N? It's Christmas Eve!"

"Yeah, so?" As a high-ranked official in Violet Systems, work was always my number one priority, even on holidays, which my boss, Lee Chaolan, was sometimes astonished by.

"It won't hurt to get out of this place, you know?" Trying to persuade me, I wasn't even looking at him, only at my monitor as he popped up behind me and proposed, "How about we go look at some Christmas lights? Come on, my dear."

Rolling my eyes, I should've known he'd try to work his charm on me, considering all the times he's tried to romance me, ignoring him, but he was persistent:

"How about a Christmas gift? I've got you something that you've been wanting! I'll be nice and let you have it now, hm?"

Now I was curious, side-eyeing him because I didn't tell anyone what I wanted for Christmas. He finally earned my attention, turning my chair around and smiling as he went to another room:

"Just sit tight!"

Letting out a deep sigh, I could only imagine that this 'gift' would be entirely out of my element or he'd make this about himself. Despite my doubts, I stayed silent and let him bring a box to me:

"Merry Christmas!"

"Thanks," I mumbled, placing the box on my lap. It was light, and I was a bit more curious, opening the red and gold box to be stunned.

"Sooo," He couldn't stop smiling at my reaction, looking into the box to see the final piece I needed for a robotics project I had been working on for a long time. It was tough to find and very expensive. I thought it would be impossible to find, "Do you like it?"

"A-Are you serious? Is this real?" I almost couldn't believe it, being delicate while examining it. "Oh, it's real," He winked, pointing something else out too, "There's more in there too."

Looking into the box again, there was a slim, folded piece of paper. A brochure? Not a brochure, but tickets and all the information I needed for a week's vacation at a fabulous resort in the Philippines.

"That lasts until a year if you don't want to go immediately," Lee explained, smiling more as he knew me well, "Maybe after you finish that big project."

"Wow, I-" No one had ever given me such a gift, my smile genuine as I looked up at him, "Thank you, Lee. I appreciate this so much."

"You deserve it," He smiled back, offering again, "So, let's enjoy the holiday, hm?"

His gift showed how he knew me and cared, so I let the wall I always had up down a little, turning back to my desk, "Just let me secure this piece, and we can look at lights."

Doing so, I had to hide my laugh as I heard him cheering to himself, but after securing the robotic piece, we got our coats and headed out to find a snowy night sky.

"It really feels like Christmas, don't you say?"

"Yeah," Looking up at the snow falling, glistening past all the holiday lights that colored the night, the Christmas spirit was contagious, "It's beautiful."

Our walk was lovely and peaceful, pointing out some rather flashy decorations, giggling and smiling at some jokes Lee was making, but a strong, freezing wind made me seize up, hugging my body.

"Geez, guess it's going to be cold tonight, huh?"

"Here," Taking off his jacket and wrapping me in it, I was protected from the cold, but saying to Lee as he was left in just his dress shirt:

"It's okay, really. You should be wearing a jacket."

"I'll be just fine," He assured, his kindness making me smile again, "You don't have a far walk home, right? Let's get out of the cold."

Nodding and walking to my apartment, the freezing wind was growing stronger, and as we made it to my doorstep, the tip of Lee's nose was red, but he was still focused on me:

"Did you have fun?"

"I did," I meant, loosening up a little and offering, since he'd done so much for me tonight, "Come inside and warm up, Lee. I have a fireplace."

Being so open took him aback slightly, but still cheerful and honest as he shivered inside, "Thanks. That wind was strong."

I had to giggle because I knew he was struggling without his jacket, but I made up for that by lighting the fireplace in the living room, having him sit and warm up, and getting us two cups of hot chocolate.

"This will help too," Bringing the drinks over and sitting with him, his nose no longer read and a smile on his face as he took his cup:

"Thank you."

"Of course," I sipped mine, staring at the fireplace, spacing out a little as I thought deeply.

"You okay?" He whispered, only checking on me, and I didn't expect my emotions to hit me like they did when I admitted:

"I'm fine. It's just been years since anyone's spent Christmas with me. It feels-; It's so nice. Thank you again for everything."

As our eyes locked, we couldn't stop smiling at one another to the point where we started laughing. I had to put my cup down, looking as Lee opened his arms up to me, pointing out that it was now midnight:

"Merry Christmas!"

For the first time, I hugged him, and it felt so right. I thought about all the times I had been such a grinch towards him; my past had made me close up so much, but deep down inside, I knew I could open up with him, repaying him for all my attitude that he's had to deal with by kissing his cheek softly:

"Merry Christmas."

Caressing my cheek, I was floating on a cloud headed for heaven as his lips found mine, so soft and tender against mine. My heart was overwhelmed, pressing my lips harder as my eyes shut tighter, not noticing the tear rolling down my cheek.

When that tear met his hand, he pulled back to check on me, thinking he messed up at first:

"I'm sorry-"

"It's okay. I promise," I breathed in deep, more tears swelling as I met his gaze to explain, "I just have a bad past with men, but you-; You-; You are-"

I couldn't find the words to explain it, and Lee showed that we didn't need words with a simple instruction:

"Come here, dear."

Resting back in his arms, I held his face as I kissed him, a craving taking over me and guiding him back onto the couch. Each kiss told how I only wanted someone who wanted me for me, and I was sure I found that in Lee.

Straddling over him and sitting up for a deep breath, we were stuck smiling at each other again, Lee noticing:

"I think tonight's the first time I've seen you smile."

"All thanks to you," I cooed, feeling the mood in the air, whispering an important question, "Do you truly want me, Lee?"

"You and only you," He cooed back, in a trance, as I took off my shirt, skin highlighted from the fire, coming back to kiss him and unbutton his shirt, tongues clashing passionately.

Sitting us up, we both stripped out of our clothes, Lee guiding me back to his lap, rubbing over every inch of skin he could reach, kissing:

"I've always known how special you are."

With his hands on my hips, I pressed my forehead against his, feeling a slight ache as his tip began to stretch me, letting me work at my own pace as I adjusted to his girth, slowly rolling my hips and working to take more inches.

"Oh my god," I was worked up from all the slickness I felt between my thighs, hips rolling smoother and a bit quicker, then sitting on all his cock, gasping at how deep he was in me, "Lee!"

"Stay just like that," He cooed, peppering my neck with kisses, rocking my hips back and forth at a steady, even pace, his mouth falling to my breast, closing around my nipple and sucking.

It had been so long for me, my tingling nerves jolting through my head to my toes. All these feelings weren't just from the sex but from the fact that I finally had someone who could make me happy.

By the time he picked his head up, my entire chest had been glistening from kisses, and the way he looked into my eyes drove me wild, his hands digging into my hips when I suddenly started to bounce on his cock, getting a moan to spill out of him.

He kept his eyes on me, loving the view, but his head fell back as he grinned:

"Damn, Y/N."

That made me feel confident, just smirking and returning some kisses on his neck, leaving some marks, his hands sliding down to my ass, squeezing and kneading, then throwing up his hips, making me hug his head.

"Oooo! Lee!"

Hugging my waist and thrusting up again, brushing past my sweet spot, made my walls clench up harder and harder each time, my moans growing louder and mixing with soft whines.

"I have you, baby," He cooed, kissing my cheek, a hand running up my back and holding my head against his, whispering in my ear, "Let it all go. Cum for me."

"Just don't stop," I whined, squeezing his head as my back snapped into an arch, his thrusts growing faster as I gushed around his cock, the friction following with an aftershock, making me squirm and tremble slightly, jaw-dropping at the so many feelings that swirled in my head, only able to process the same words, "Oh my god, Lee. Oh my god."

"As I said," Easing down to a still, he knew I needed a moment to regain myself, brushing the little hairs away from my face, kissing my nose, "I have you."  

2023 © itjazzbicch — do not repost or translate my work. Likes, reblogs, and comments are always welcome 

[bozepomagaj]

How to train your dog.

College AU!Trigun (part 3)

Summary: a couple of days pass and you find out that your professor set you up with none other than Nai Saverem to work on a thesis. You, however, decide to make the most of this and finally confront him and show him who's the 'big dog' now with the help of your new friend, Vash.

A/N: I stalled this for far too long for too many reasons but here it finally is! This year is gonna be hectic as I have an undergraduate to do but I'll do my best to stay consistent this time and continue writing this. This one's a bit shorter than the last two parts but I hope that nonetheless people still enjoy it. Like always, criticism is appreciated.

CW: light swearing, mentions of being roofied/drugged

Word count: 1.8k

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3]

You thought everything was going to go smoothly. You thought that your plan was perfect: befriend Vash's friend group, get closer to Vash, and make Nai's life hell. Except, of course, you were never that lucky.

"Can't I just do this by myself?"

Obviously, he'd say that. As rude and brash as ever, however, you had manners so obviously you didn't talk back. Your professor leaned back in his chair sighing in annoyance. He was an older man and it was very clear he was not here to have a debate with you two.

„Listen, the event is in 2 weeks. The topic is very complex and detailed and I don't want you overworking yourself. I gave this assignment to you both because out of everyone here, you two are the only ones who look like their will to live hasn't evaporated yet and seem genuinely interested in what I'm talking about. Not only that but both of you have made some exceptional projects in the past. I need this to be perfect, it's gonna be representing the entire school.“

Open Door Days. The singlehandedly worst and best event every year. Your classes were shortened or simply canceled which was wonderful but then at the same time all the best students were chosen to do all kinds of different projects to „encourage young people to choose this major“.  And of course, you just so happened to be this „best of the best“. This also meant that you'd have to be there, standing for a whopping 8 hours watching annoying high schoolers giggle at you as they eat all the snacks and don't even appreciate all the hard work you've put into these theses.

„Plus, what kind of impression would we leave on the younger generations if we didn't promote teamwork?“

Nai's annoyance was so terribly obvious and irritating. Couldn't he at the very least pretend to be fine with this out of respect?

„Right, my apologies. So the due date is in 2 weeks?“

„A little earlier. We need to submit it by Tuesday so try to get it done by Saturday so I can review it in case there are any mistakes. If you get stuck at any point just come to me and I'll help you out.“

You and Nai both silently nod. The professor hands you 2 large Encyclopedias on the probably largest and most complex topic: bacteriology. Nothing specific, just something from that field which just so happened to be so complex that you could spend at least a week picking which topic to do. In any case, this was a nightmare for both of you. You were responsible and you could get over this silly little grudge but Nai? Oh, he would never. To everyone, he was a force to be feared and reckoned with, terrifyingly intelligent, hard-working with an immaculate work ethic. He took care of his body like it was a sacred temple. Everything about this man oozed with pride and adoration. That was until you got to his shitty personality. At times it honestly felt like you were conversing with a child rather than a grown man. But it was too late to say anything now, with scoffs on both of your faces, you both exited the classroom and you immediately stepped in front of him so he didn't get a chance to run off.

„I need your number. Also, we'll be meeting up at your place cuz it's nicer.“

Quick and straightforward. You learned that this was the best way to make him even listen to you. He cocked his eyebrow and clicked his tongue, a habit he got recently and only did it when he was annoyed.

„Alright. But I expect you not to make a mess of my apartment.“

He handed you his phone and you entered his phone number into yours then entered yours into his. The moment you were done, he snatched the phone from your hands and walked off. You scoffed and yelled after him.

„I'm coming over at 4!“

Whether he heard you or not you really couldn't care less. Your entire walk home was ruined, all you could think about was him and his irritating face, his irritating attitude, his irritating... well, everything at this point. Once you were home all the frustration melted as your dear puppy jumped up on you excitedly. He was honestly a better friend than most humans. It's like he'd always know what you needed. Whether it be silence and some quiet time with his paw resting on your leg while he quietly pants or him dragging you out with his leash in his mouth, urging you to take him on a walk to forget about everything. The only thing was, he was young, healthy, strong, and very much untrained. Plus, as a border collie, he had the energy of not one but five horses. Sure, he was a great source of motivation but sometimes you just couldn't keep up with him. Times like these made you realize why your mom told you that it might be best to leave him at home with them where he could go out and play far more often. You glance over to your living room... ravaged living room, to be more specific. He seemed to have another one of his energy spurts and decided to redecorate everything. Plants on the floor, pillows everywhere, and a couple of pictures broken. You couldn't get mad at him because you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into. Instead with a heavy sigh you send him to your room and go sit down at your computer. You spent some time looking up tutorials and blogs about how to train your dog but most of the time, it was about puppies or saying how the dog should've had prior training when they were younger. Which he didn't have. With a heavy sigh, you finally found a blog on which a young woman complains about having a rather large and active dog who wasn't trained prior and is now a total menace to her and everyone in her household. Huh. Seems like there were some people like you after all.

After spending some time looking through the comments, reading the replies of professionals or just random people who learned how to work with dogs you came to two conclusions:

There was still hope for you and there is still a chance that your big puppy could turn into the greatest boy ever with enough treats and reassurance and you won't have to pay concerning amounts of money for him to receive proper training and number two.

Nai was more similar to a dog than you thought.

You kept thinking about him since you were gonna have to meet him up in.... oh crap, less than an hour!? You decided that it was time to pack your stuff if you wanted to be on time. Unfortunately to you, the apartment he lived in was quite a bit away from yours so you needed to take a bus to there. The neighborhood wasn't unfamiliar to you because Meryl lived in the same apartment complex, her parents knew the couple who owned the place and decided to lower her rent slightly, while she got to live in a fancy apartment. Lucky.

As you wait for the tram (because you managed to miss the bus by a couple of seconds), your bus vibrates. You quickly take it out expecting it to be Meryl but instead, it's an unknown number. You make a face, thinking it is some kind of a scammer, but then again would a scammer really send you a message that says:

„Heard you're coming over :D“

You quickly type up, asking the mysterious person on the other line about their identity to which they immediately respond, almost like they were waiting.

„Did you not save my number? It's Vash :)“

Huh. It seems like you did forget to save his number. You finally see your tram pull up and you quickly jump on, trying to find your spot. Once seated, you start typing:

„yeah srry forgot about it lol“

„It's fine, but are you actually coming over?“

„on the tram rn so yeah, should be there soon“

„Great :D. I'll get some snacks ready.“

Oh, he was so nice. Just as nice as the last time you saw him. This means Nai is going to be positively fuming once he sees you two interact.

The ride to their neighborhood was quick, you played some music to pass the time and with a positive mindset, you skipped over to the apartment complex and walked in (you knew the passcode because Meryl gave it to you numerous times), walking up the stairs up to their apartment. After ringing the small bell you heard some commotion inside and rather than being greeted with Nai's scowl, you were greeted by a big hug from Vash.

„There you are! I already got worried you got lost or something.“

He ushered you to come in and now, that you saw the apartment during the day in all its glory, all you could say is that you were truly in awe. Beautifully decorated with lots of unique flowers and greenery you've never seen.

„Holy crap. I'm guessing you're the one that decorated this place? Cuz my God, it's gorgeous.“

„No, it was me. And since when are you on such good terms with my brother?“

Ah, the man on the hour was finally here. You spot him in the kitchen, a scowl on his face, and he clicks his tongue. Like always. You side-eye him and wait for his dear brother to enlighten him on the situation and the moment Vash opens his mouth, the biggest, most evil grin adorns your face.

„Nai, they're the ones who helped me out the other day. Y'know, when I almost got roofied? They were the ones who dragged me here. Honestly, I can't tell you how grateful I am to them.“

He looks over at you with the biggest smile in the world. Unlike you, he had pure intentions and wanted to show you how grateful he was all the while you were busy watching Nai's face contort, showing far more emotion than he ever has. He looks over to you and the moment he sees your shit-eating grin, it's like you could see the fumes coming out of his ears.

„Well... seems like I misjudged you then. Sorry.“

Sure, he whispered it, sure, you could barely hear him say anything but boy did it feel good to have THE Nai Saverem apologizing to you. And just like one of the commenters on the blog said:

„in order to train your dog properly, you first need to assert dominance and show them that you are confident.“

And it seemed like it was finally time to train this dog properly.

[causesciencethatswhy]

Was thinking how we get confirmation of some of the things years later. Like in today's ep jm said him, jk (confirmed) and either one of jin and yg (jm was a bit confused who but it could also be that yoonjin both left later like jikook) were the last ones to leave their dorm and remember how we used to think jikook "might" live together cause they used to share car alot during 2019-2021. Now idk exactly when they left their dorms but i do know the news of RM and jm buying house in nine one hit the media around june 1st 2021. Also that one BTS video where the boys were interviewing e/o and jk asked jm what was the most enjoyable thing these days and jm replied "The most enjoyable thing these days is waking up and seeing jungkook" idr but wasn't it around 2019-2020 when he said that? And jikook and yoonjin used to share car, jikook the most of times so i think yup jikook used to live in the shared apartment be it dorm or whatever that is. So we were basically right.

Intersting thing is even after RM and jm buying house we still saw jikook sharing cars now idk why that. Yes when minimoni brought their houses they shared car but it was like only few times but jikook still has shared cars few times here nd there so i wonder why is that maybe they love sharing cars or their houses are near or etc etc.

Maybe as the besties they're when it comes to car sharing they just simply put these two together knowing they have shared it before too. Remember how they shared car 4 days of concerts in LV? There's another thing who's confirmation we got way later but i don't remember that now but yeah.

Also the way tkkrs be like "but jungkook don't cook for jm he doesn't even have jm's number" both got denied in this ep....i know it's only them who believed their shit theories but they're sooo many in number and they spread it everywhere so it's like thousands of them i think like 99% of them belive that shit. "Jungkook doens't have jm's number why is it a problem it happens people don't have e/o's numbers why are you blaming tkkrs for it" i remember mfkr dionysustkk tweeting this. The way i wanna bitch slap that identity crisis human. Like bitch not only he has jm's number (sounds so fking silly to say even) he literally knows jm's House password and walks like he knows the place and even cook for the two of them so you can sit in a corner and cry me some river

Thank you for this mini timeline compilation anon!

I found it interesting that jimin knew for sure that jk was still with him at the dorms but couldn't confirm whether yoonjin were there too. Seems like a detail you'd recall I feel, unless you were spending a majority of your time with one person. And if we are to go by your timeline it does seem that even after moving out jikook seemed to have made a deliberate choice to take the same car on multiple occasions. I do think there was a period in mid 2021 and early 2023 where jkk were maybe not seeing each that frequently based on some of their conversations, but this docu has really made me re evaluate a lot of these assumptions.

Since 2020, we have gotten almost 1/3 the amount of behind the scenes ot7 content and that definitely had an impact on many peoples assumptions on the members relationships. It's why certain "groups" felt more confident in proclaiming that jikook were never close or only fanservice.

Tkkrs and their cult leaders will never stop in their attempts at undermining jikooks relationship with false narratives. It's something I didn't understand the need of when I first entered shipping spaces because if you believe tkk are real and in a healthy relationship, then why would assuming jikook are close friends, in any way would come in the way of that? Why did jimin need to be the villain in their theories so bad? It's only now that I kinda get that as a tkkr, they can't possibility perceive that tkk are in a 'genuine and healthy' relationship if they have to take jikook at face value. Cause the way those two interact and prioritise one another, does really throw tkkrs off gaurd. Which is why so much of their belief and foundation hinges on all of jkks interactions being fake and forced and jk secretly hating jm. Because the alternative cannot be that they're 'close friends" for them, once they start 'really seeing' jikook for the way they are around one another, it disturbs their perfect ideal.

Not saying that there's no possibility that jikook are in fact just close friends after all, but I think once you do see that underlying spark that makes one go "?" ,it's kind of hard to unsee it.