#getting sentimental in the tags? on MY blog? it's more likely than you think

[hydrachea]

Yknow I was also thinking... if Neuvi were to ask Furina to become immortal again for his sake, she might actually say yes. Which is exactly WHY he'd never ask her to do so, because as much as he dreads her inevitable absence, he won't condemn her to that fate again

You got it. Because when she took on that curse half a millennium ago, it was also a request she agreed to. For the sake of all of Fontaine and not just the sake of Focalors, but it's still all too similar. Even if she said yes to him because she actually wants it then, who's to say she'll always want it? Who's to say the decades, the centuries won't weigh heavier and heavier as they pass, just like before? Who's to say she won't have to ask him to make her mortal again? And that would be even more painful than simply letting her go when she's meant to. So instead he'll treasure the time she has, that she's more than earned, and he'll do everything he can for her to treasure it too.

[meowchela]

god following a couple swiftie accounts is healing my soul ngl.....like i'm so used to people on this site wanting her dead in the streets its nice to see someone else who actually likes her music for a change 😭

[dearreader]

k so i made this poll awhile ago to answer my question on if people would rather spend a date with a swiftie or an anti-swiftie (someone who hates her and devotes their life to hating on her). i mentioned i didn’t have the spoons to handle it being longer than a day and know it was going to be biased as it would start in my circle and would work it’s way out, so i wanted to do a longer poll when i had the energy to handle a week long poll like that. (i’m assuming when i post this, as i’m pre making it, i’ll be in recovery from my nose surgery since i’ll be stuck at home a week so i’ll have more time to monitor and look at the tags)

so nows the time, but i’m going to addendum the question a bit:

*some extra things that came up on the original poll i didn’t elaborate on fully that i want to make clear:

- you don’t get a say in what type of swiftie you get. assume that you’re going to be spending the evening with someone who massively loves her and her music and wants to discuss it. they’ll talk about songs, their favorite lines and meanings, symbolism behind the reputation album, etc.

- YOU MUST TALK ABOUT TAYLOR SWIFT. even if it’s the anti-swiftie you must talk about her. i understand the sentiment people made on her not coming up, and that’s valid, but that’s not the question i’m asking. YOU HAVE TO SPEND THE EVENING WITH SOMEONE WHOS GOING TO TALK ABOUT TAYLOR SWIFT NONSTOP, WILL IT BE THE LOVER OR HATER?

- im just trying to gather a general consensus on this and want to get data from a lot of people which means this is going to end up on people’s blogs who probably hate swifties and are annoyed by them. that’s okay as that’s the point of my question. but if you’re going to go off in the tags about how much you hate her or hate swifties and be an asshole about it im blocking you. you can just simple say “i hate her/i hate swifties” and don’t need to elaborate. you don’t need to sit in the tags going off on how much you hate her and trying to “defend” yourself from swifties. i just want an answer to the question.

- ALSO, this is not an open poll to go harass anyone in general. if you are a swiftie and see an hater in the tags and wanna fight DON’T FUCKING DO IT. just block and go read/watch your favorite media and think of blorbos kissing or whatever, but DO NOT SEND HATE OR HARASS ANYONE.

the hypothesis im trying to prove is that people in general would much rather spend an evening with someone that is going to talk about something they love all night vs someone who will spend the evening talking about something they hate. i want to gather as much data as possible to get a good consensus and if you go and be an asshole to someone because of their tags on this poll, either side of the swiftie to anti-swiftie spectrum, your disproving the point. if you see tags you don’t like just simply block and carry on. understand? k good.

- in general this is not meant to be a very serious or heavy question. it’s meant to just let me pick people’s brains and see what they’d want to do. i just want to get my results and go. just vote, drop your opinion in the tags, and go.

- also, this last part is silly and not at all related to my data, but since i’m forcing you on a dinner date i’ll at least let you pick the restaurant and food you have. so if you could also say what restaurant/food choice you’d want and what you’d want to order i’d love to hear it. sky’s the limit here. go nutz or even very specific on what you’d want to eat. i am trying to learn to cook and don’t know a lot of recipes or different food types, so i’m hoping this will give me a bigger idea of what food is out there to make. (this question is not meant to be a way to stick it to anyone or for you to go “i’ll go to a shitty ass restaurant and take a swiftie/anti-swiftie and make them eat garbage 🤪”, it’s just a fun question to give people something positive to add to the poll if they want. AGAIN IF YOUR GOING TO BE AN ASSHOLE ILL BLOCK YOU.)

- i’m going to be annoying and ask that you reblog for a wider sample size and such, if you don’t want to that’s fine, but i’m going to be polite and ask you nicely.

that should be everything, thank you for reading my long ass list and voting in this poll. i hope you have a good day and such.

[lucyandthepen]

last young renegade | jjh

summary: your valentine’s day plans with jaehyun may have gone down the drain just a little. (okay — a lot.)

pairing: jaehyun x reader verse: canon, idol!verse rating: t warnings&tags: reader & jaehyun are in an established relationship, quite frankly there is nothing too out of the ordinary in this fic which is a shocker, it’s a rewritten fic so pls excuse any errors I may not have caught! word count: 5.02k

a/n: happy 2024 friends and family !!!!!! and advanced happy birthday to the man who created valentine’s day, he who is perhaps my first love in nct, jaehyun! this is actually just a fic I’ve been hoping to re-write a bit from before, and since it’s valentine’s themed, what better time to post it!! Enjoy enjoy, and may this year bring more fun, laughs, love (and debauchery) to this blog!

Yᴏᴜ sᴀɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ sɪᴄᴋ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ ᴏғ ɪᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴏʀɴɪɴɢ, ɴɪɢʜᴛ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴀʏ.

♡ jaehyunnie ♡ I know I said birthday dinner but practice is running so late ㅠㅠ ♡ jaehyunnie ♡ Can we meet after? I’m sorry ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ How about I call you when we’re done? Maybe 11:30?

At times like this, you often wonder if it’s all worth it.  

You know thinking that way is counterproductive, not to mention a little unfair. You knew exactly what to expect, getting into an under-wraps relationship with an idol, and so far, it’s lived up to most of your assumptions, and then some. It doesn’t help that Jaehyun, even just by name, tends to attract an unbelievable amount of attention. You know you can’t blame him; it’s not like he wants to be high on the radar every time, either. For some reason, though, you seem to be looking for something or someone to blame, which you also know is a dead end. You have no one to pin the blame onto apart from yourself by frequently generating doubts that keep your mind running around in circles.  

It’s not even the sneaking around that gets tiring; it’s the waiting — waiting on calls, waiting on free time, waiting on a good opportunity to do something that doesn’t involve him suddenly getting pulled out to attend to one of many of his celebrity responsibilities. Over the last few years that you’ve dated, NCT has only ever gotten more popular; with that popularity came the fact that the public eye was trained on them, focusing on every microscopic detail of their lives. Jaehyun hates that more than anything, which is why he’s given up on trying to avoid it by practically escaping it altogether, locking himself up in the dorm with you when he has his precious few days off. 

While it’s true that you definitely don’t miss having to play espionage when going out for a cup of coffee with him, you’ve also managed to memorize every single inch of Jaehyun’s room, which isn’t good for your mentality, you’re pretty sure. You have to keep reminding him to open the window whenever the both of you are in there, because all you do is stay in and watch English movies without subtitles to see who can understand the most without asking questions (obviously, he always wins) while eating food he runs up and down the stairs to get every other hour. And while him trying to imitate the British accents on these shows is genuinely funny, you’re starting to suspect even he’s starting to get tired of watching Harry Potter over and over again. Twenty hours sounds like a long time unless you spend every twenty-hour period you have together marathoning the exact same films. Much to both of your disappointment, your suggestion to watch it totally out of order did not make it cooler.

Still, you suppose it’s not all bad. Jaehyun also taught you how to play Fortnite on a couple of his days off back to back, and while you hadn’t been as good a player as you both had hoped, he’d still patiently waited for you every time you got lost on the map. He’d even given you his account’s password with the sentiment that this was him ‘taking things to the next level with you,’ and you get to log into his account and play whenever you want; he doesn’t even get mad when you’ve wasted all the stuff he’s farmed on your subpar gaming skills. And, well, the bigger picture was that you loved him. Based on how much effort he put into the relationship, plus the bonus of his trust in you when it came to his Fortnite account, you could at least be confident in that he returned the sentiment.  

Except, sometimes, you still wonder if it would be easier for the both of you if he flew solo and didn’t have a girlfriend that tanked all of his player’s ammo and health kits and generally made a fool out of his cute little avatar while he was out breaking his back onstage.  

You aren’t sure if Jaehyun’s been noticing the turmoil in you; you’re not that good at hiding how you feel, anyway, but if he has, he hasn’t said anything thus far. You do observe how much more he texts you when he has free time, which makes you feel doubly bad, because you know that he’s spending precious minutes he could be resting with on talking to you instead, which isn’t the best trade-off for someone who’s constantly busy — and thereby constantly tired — like him.  

♡ jaehyunnie♡ ___________ I’m going to practice again, okay? Wait for my call ㅠㅠ You I’ll wait for your call ♡ ♡ jaehyunnie♡ I love you ㅠㅠㅠㅠ ♡ jaehyunnie♡ You love me too — a lot, right? I’ll keep my phone now, but I’ll make sure to check that you said so. ㅋㅋㅋ You Right! ㅎ I love you a lot! ♡

When the clock hits 12:01, and your phone is silent, your mind starts working on overtime again. It’s only when the special ringtone you’ve set for him comes to life at half-past midnight that you break your train of thought and put on your socks so you can meet Jaehyun at your front door.  

You’ve made a rule — sort of like a deal — between the two of you that apologies aren’t necessary when work holds you up. You’ve cashed in on that deal a couple of times, but you’re both aware that it’s more for Jaehyun’s sake than anything else, and he keeps to his word on that much when you open the door and duck into his car. All he does is smile at you, and you smile back, and for the rest of the car ride, everything seems okay.  

He always asks you about your day — unfailingly, at any chance he can. It’s never an off-handed question, either; Jaehyun takes great pride in his memory, and the sweetest thing about him is that he’s dedicated a good deal of it to knowing almost everything about you. Right now is no different. He asks you about your team manager, what you had for lunch; he grills you on if you took your vitamins today and if you got to break in the new shoes you bought online — the ones you’d been pining over for the last three months. He even asks you about the guy from the neighboring department who keeps asking you out for after-work drinks.  

“He wanted to go to Hongdae tonight,” you tell him as he slows for a red light. “There’s some new pub of his friend’s doing a soft opening there tonight.”  

“You could have gone.” He keeps his eyes on the road. “I wouldn’t have minded.”  

“I didn’t want to.”

“Good.” He glances at you, a grin slowly spreading on his lips. “Because I lied. I might have minded a little. Or, you know, a lot.”  

“Don’t tell me after all these years, you’ve turned into the kind of boyfriend that doesn’t let his girlfriend go out without him.”

“That’s impossible for me, and you know that,” he chuckles. “You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. Just not with that guy from the other department.”

“Don’t worry.” You tinker with the little charm dangling on your phone — half of a flat, metal heart dangling from a gold chain that Jaehyun had given you two years back on your birthday. He keeps the other half, but since he can’t freely attach it to any of his belongings, he keeps it wedged between the back of his phone and its case. You like watching him change the backing because he does it so carefully, like he’s worried the other half of the heart is going to break if he rips off the case willy nilly. “I told him my boyfriend and I were going out on a date tonight, so he backed off. Although he did wonder why I keep talking about a boyfriend he’s never seen.”

“And? What did you say?”

“I said it was none of his damn business.”  

Jaehyun laughs loudly, and you go along with him, but you don’t miss how tired he looks when he sobers down, the green light illuminating all the shadows on his face as he steps on the gas again.

Nothing good is open this late at night — that is, nothing you haven’t seen before. You hadn’t even expected to go out at all, but since it was the day before Valentine’s Day as well as his birthday (or it would have been, if you hadn’t waited until midnight), Jaehyun had wanted to do something special without having to run into a huge crowd of couples on the day itself. Your only option is this from-out-of-town carnival that’s set up in tents and even has a medium-sized ferris wheel by the edge of the metal barricade. The parking lot is practically empty when Jaehyun pulls into a slot; you joke that he should break one rule and park in two slots, which he smugly replies to by saying he couldn’t park badly even if he tried.  

He tucks your hair back behind your ears as he loops the strings of a face mask around them, using another one for himself. Between that and the brim of his cap, you can barely see his eyes. The only knowledge that you have that you’re walking next to the man you love is that he takes your hand in his, slender fingers finding their way between yours.  

The carnival is half-closed when you get to the middle of it; there are still a few stragglers, but half the kiosks have their lights off already. There’s a woman dressed in flashy clothes standing on a patch of dead grass a few feet away, and she’s holding a hoop that a ginger cat is jumping through. Jaehyun steers you to them, and you stand there for a good five minute watching the cat roll on the ground and stand on its hind legs, but you can tell it’s been going it at for most of the day because at one point, it just ignores the lady, opting to weave its way between Jaehyun’s and your legs instead. You do have a pretty good time when he picks it up and cradles it in his arms so you can pet it for a second, but it just hisses when its owner approaches and jumps out of his hold, disappearing behind a row of trash bins.  

Jaehyun doesn’t have anything in his wallet apart from his credit cards and 50,000 won, and the coin machine operator says he only has enough coins left to break down 5,000 won for the games, so you end up having to jog back to his car so you can fish out some coins from inside his glove compartment. You come up with a grand total of 1,500 won, and you have to sheepishly go back to the coin machine operator to change four 100 coins and a couple of 50s just to get the last 500. Jaehyun tells you to hold onto the three coins so he doesn’t run off with them entirely and leave you destitute.  

You learn you can only do three things at most — you dedicate 500 won for the Ferris wheel entry tickets, which leaves you with 500 won each. The both of you agree on choosing one kiosk to play in, and with only about five left that are open, you don’t really have that many options. You end up dragging Jaehyun over to a stall with a pond filled with those magnetic toy fish, but 500 won only gets you one fishing rod. Since it’s your choice, Jaehyun lets you play, but you feel kind of stupid doing it on your own with him just watching you. In the end, he decides to stand behind you, his arms around your waist like he thinks closer contact isn’t even more distracting. You do manage to fish out 10 fish and win a small bear on a keychain. It doesn’t even pass through your hands as Jaehyun takes it from the stall operator immediately. 

“That’s mine!” You whine, reaching out in vain to take it from him; he just holds it high over his head. His eyes are twinkling under the shadow his cap casts over his face. “I worked hard for that.”  

“Let me keep this one,” he mimics the pleading lilt in your voice. “I’ll put it on my bag.”

“You know you can’t! Give it back.”

“I’ll win you a bigger one,” he promises. “Let me keep this one. It’s cute. It reminds me of you. I’ll kiss it goodnight before I sleep.” He starts to laugh softly. “And then you’ll feel this weird spirit kissing you at like two in the morning, and you’ll know it’s me.”  

Your arms aren’t long enough to retrieve it, and you don’t really want to, so you settle with twisting his ear. He takes it in stride even if he over-acts, making pained noises while leading you to the kiosk he wants to go to. It’s a shooting range stall, and he pays his own precious 500 won for a dart gun. He’s barely paying attention when the guy starts explaining how many points are assigned to each balloon color, more concerned with talking to the bear keychain in his hand and pretending like he’s cooing at you. You have to hit him across the shoulder to get him to focus.  

“You need to start picking out what prize you want,” he tells you — the actual you, not the animal keychain version — as he lifts the dart gun.  

“I’ll wait for you to finish first.”  

“No way.” He tilts his head, closing one eye to steady his line of sight. “Pick already. Or just go for the biggest one.”

“You know that Fortnite and dart guns aren’t the same thing, right?”  

“Yeah, but I’m well-motivated.” He grins at you, one eye still shut. He looks like a baby pirate. “Go ahead. Pick the biggest one.”

“Why don’t you just shoot, and we’ll see.”  

“Pick it,” he insists. “Tell me you have faith in me. Tell me you love me.”

“Okay, I love you,” you agree. “But I have no faith in you when it comes to this.”  

“One out of two is fine,” he concedes, taking aim.  

All three of you, including the stall operator, let out a disappointed groan when he misses his first shot. His comes with a sheepish laugh as he reloads, suddenly telling you to pick the second biggest prize instead. You can’t even watch him miss over and over, so you pretend to be interested in a bunch of teenage boys playing a game of cups one stall over, trying not to giggle when you hear him get increasingly more frustrated at himself. When you turn back around, you notice he’s holding two small pieces of gummy candy, offering one to you like a kindergartener. He helps you tug your face mask down so you can eat it.  

There’s a food stall nearby that, thankfully, accepts credit and debit; Jaehyun fishes out his card to get you a corndog — only one because he’s watching his weight for the upcoming concert, apparently. This is information you hate hearing but have no say in, and he knows this; you know he does because he says ‘don’t worry about me’ totally out of the blue, like five minutes after the conversation ceases to be relevant.  

His phone starts ringing when the food comes out, and he takes a tiny bite of it — more bread than hotdog — before he answers. You know it’s Taeyong by the way he answers.  

“Hyung, sorry — can we talk later? I’m out with ____________.”  

Taeyong says something loud but indiscernible on the other end. You piece together that it’s about tomorrow’s schedule when Jaehyun speaks again.

“I know. I’ll be home in a bit; don’t worry about it. I haven’t forgotten.”  

There’s more garbled speech on the other line; Jaehyun gestures for you to keep eating, and you do, but you more concerned with the morphing expressions on his face than you are with the act of chewing. He’s making noncommittal noises in response to what seem to be commands and reminders. You’re pretty much done with the corndog by the time he says ‘Okay, hyung. Hyung — I’ll see you later, okay?’

“Taeyong hyung says hi,” he tells you once he’s hung up the phone. “He says you still need to give back that book you borrowed from him last year.”  

“Oh yeah,” you finish off the last of the food. “I’ll drop it off within the week.”  

“Don’t worry about it. He doesn’t actually mean it.”  

Jaehyun watches you snap the stick in half and toss it in the trash bag.  

“We can go home,” you say finally. His eyebrows shoot up. “You’re busy tomorrow. I forgot.”

“I didn’t forget, and it’s fine.”  

“It’s almost two in the morning.” You check your phone to verify. “You probably have to be up in a few hours. You need to sleep, or you’ll die, Jaehyun. I’m too young to be a grieving widow.”

“Let’s at least ride the Ferris wheel,” he suggests. Before you can protest, he tugs you towards the rickety contraption, digging the 500 won out of your pocket and handing it to the bemused operator. He lets you choose what carriage you want because literally no one is on it anymore, and Jaehyun asks for the best carriage. You’re not sure how it differs from the rest, but he makes a show out of guiding you into it, and you don’t miss the corny ‘my lady,’ he mutters under his breath.   

It’s small, clearly meant for either a tiny group of children or couples who want to be as close together as possible. It’s also not air-conditioned, and only one of the windows is open, so you end up sticking to Jaehyun’s arm on the way up. The view is still great, though, and you feel his hand settle on your knee as the carriage makes it slow ascent.  

The ride up is quiet, and you press your face as close to the glass of the carriage as you dare, but Jaehyun doesn’t move an inch. His hand is still heavy on your thigh, but it doesn’t do anything but lay there. When you’re close to the top, you’re hit with the urge to do something romantic — kiss, maybe, tell him happy birthday, or say ‘I love you’ to him in the most sickening way possible — but when you turn to look at him, you have to hold your tongue.

Jaehyun is asleep, leaning against the corner of the carriage, head tilted down a little. His shoulders are rising and falling slowly, and he’s pulled down his face mask a little so he can breathe better; his lips are slightly parted by the slackening of his jaw. His left hand is shoved in his pocket, like he’d passed out halfway through reaching for something in there.  

He doesn’t wake even when you move slightly so you can lean back next to him, rocking the carriage a little — not even when you reach up and adjust his head so he can rest on your shoulder. He breathes deeply, evenly, and you wonder if his ear against your shoulder allows him to hear your heart plummet unfairly to the bottom of your stomach.  

You have to shake him to rouse him when the ride comes to an end; when he opens his eyes and realizes what happened, he looks mortified. Instinctively, he opens his mouth, but you fling the carriage door open and step out before he can apologize.

You have a deal, and he knows what he shouldn’t be doing.

His grip on your hand is much tighter as you walk back to the parking lot, and he doesn’t let go, even on the road. The trip back is quieter, maybe because it’s late, or maybe because there are a ton of things the both of you want to say but can’t.  

He slows down when he gets to your street, but when he stops in front of your building, he doesn’t immediately unlock the doors to let you out. Instead, he turns to you, licking his lips a little nervously.

“Can you…” he clears his throat because his voice cracks a little on the first attempt. “Can you come back with me? To the dorm?”  

“I have work tomorrow, Jaehyun.”  

“It’s still at eleven, isn’t it? I can bring you home before that. You still have some stuff in my room. You can get ready there.”

“Won’t you be too busy?”  

“Just—” he sighs softly. “Can you? Please?”  

You don’t know how to say no to Jaehyun, and tonight isn’t a night you’re willing to try. It’s why fifteen minutes later, you’re walking through the front door of his dorm. Donghyuck, sitting at his computer in his room with the door ajar, greets you sleepily as you pass by.  

Jaehyun steps in the shower with you; you don’t talk, maybe because you’re worried you might wake the others up if you start a full-blown conversation in a bathroom surrounded by other bedrooms. He just passes you what you need, and you do the same for him, and somewhere in between, he kisses you under the spray of the water.  

Later, he falls asleep with a face mask on, and you have to peel it off for him and toss it into the trash. The tip of his nose is shiny, and you want to kiss it, but you know it’ll wake him, and you noticed he’d set his alarm to go off two hours from now. He’s set out a couple of earplugs for you so that you don’t hear it, but you don’t put them in. You want to see him before he leaves, even if it’s in the deadest hours of morning, so you just crawl into bed with him. A minute before you doze off, you feel his damp skin press against your neck, his form curled up against your back.  

The alarm never wakes you; the sun is out when you open your eyes, and when you check your phone, you see that it’s already half-past nine. You also notice that there’s nothing from Jaehyun on your screen, but you try not to dwell on that, considering that you’d been expecting to wake up to an empty bed. His side of the mattress is cold, which means that he’s been gone for some time.  

You don’t know if it’s just because you’re groggy, but your insides still feel like lead when you sit up. The part of you that nags about this relationship is back at full force when you start thinking about Jaehyun going to a pre-recording two hours after spending the last of his energy on you. You start wondering if you’re doing the right thing if it feels like you’re just dragging him down. Your heart clenches tightly when the worst thought hits — maybe, just maybe, he’s tired of you, too.

But you won’t let him go. More to the point — you can’t. He’s the best part of your life; it’d be a cold day in hell if you decided to leave him.

Even the thought of it makes you feel like dying.  

Then again, this isn’t all up to you.  

You’re rubbing the sleep out of your eyes — and maybe a couple of frustrated tears — when the door creaks open. You see two mugs and his hands before you see the rest of him come through the doorway. Jaehyun whispers a careful good morning as he sets the coffee down on his table, making sure to push his keyboard away to avoid accidents, before sitting down next to you. You notice that there’s an envelope next to one of the mugs; the flap is slightly open, and from under it, a flash of red peeks out.  

His hand finds its way back to your knee — it’s his favorite resting place, he’s told you once. Your lap feels like home, he’d joked. Maybe he touches it every so often because it’s like a reset button for him.  

He doesn’t ask if you slept well, or if you want to get ready before having your coffee, or if you’re okay. He just squeezes your knee a little tighter. It’s you that has to start the conversation this time.

“How did it go?”

“It went great. You’ll see it on TV later tonight,” he starts rubbing your thigh idly. “You’ll watch it later, right?”  

“Of course. I’ll call you and tell you how cool you look.”  

He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. When you lapse into silence again, it’s because you’re expecting him to say something, but he doesn’t come out with it directly. You try not to let it show that you’re worried, that you’re skeptical, that you’re wondering if he thinks he’s too tired, too busy for this, too.  

You’re expecting him to start how most break-ups start. You know I love you, right? And then the telltale but… would come, and you would have to hold back your tears and smile for him, and tell him you know, and that you understand it isn’t the right time, but maybe one day, someday, when he isn’t everyone’s Jung Jaehyun anymore — only yours.  

“You love me, right?”  

It’s not what you’d been expecting. Nor is it the playful little text he’d sent — no laughs, no jokes. His expression is somber, mouth pressed into a thin line.  

“You know I do.”

“A lot, right?”

“A lot,” you confirm softly.  

“Then whatever it is that you’re thinking about us,” he says quietly. “Don’t. Don’t think it. Don’t do it.”  

“Jaehyun—”

“I know it’s hard,” his fingers dig into your skin a little. “I know I put you through a lot. I know you think that I’m suffering because of this relationship too. I know everything. But whatever you think I’m going to do, I won’t do it — not ever. So if you’re thinking of it too, I’m begging you. Don’t. Please.”  

Maybe he had noticed all this time. A wave of guilt washes over you when you see the pained look on his face; perhaps you were even more transparent than you’d originally thought. You nod slowly to show your understanding, and he continues.  

“I know yesterday wasn’t the best you could have hoped for,” he carefully avoids apologizing, although it’s written all over his features. “For me, too. I… I wanted something different. It’ll be better next time. Do you believe me?”  

You hear him swallow — his nails are biting into your thigh a little, so you have to gently peel his hand off. Your fingers replace it, tightening around his palm as you nod.

“I believe you.”  

“And you trust me, right?”

“With my life.”  

“Then can you put your faith in me right now?” He asks. “Don’t panic. Just — just say yes.”

He pats around his pants, finally deciding to slip his hand into his left-hand pocket. Unlike on the Ferris wheel, he manages to extract something, but he keeps it closed in his fist. It’s shaking a little as he takes your hand in his other one, pressing something small and hard into your palm before he curls your fingers over it. His hold keeps your fist closed as he starts talking.

“It’s not immediate. We’ll figure it out. We’ll tell the right people, and they’ll help us tell everyone else — the public, the press. It doesn’t have to happen right now, or any time soon either— not if you don’t want it to. We can take it slow, or whatever. Anything you want — just as long as it’s with me.”  

“Jaehyun,” you shake your head, a little dizzy. “What are you talking about?”  

He slowly loosens his hold on your fingers, his hand dropping to the same spot on your knee. You’re free to open your fist, and when you do, you can’t help but feel a little stumped.

“I don’t mean now,” he repeats, now sounding doubly worried. “It’s not — It’s just…”  

“You’ll get in trouble. We can’t.”

“I won’t. Not if we do this right. Like I said, we can do it slowly. Months — years, however long it takes to do it well. What it is — it’s just… a promise.”  

“A promise,” you echo. It does have a nice ring to it.  

“That I’m not leaving you. Not ever. And… if you say yes, that you won’t either.”  

Your coffee has probably turned cold. Jaehyun is watching you carefully, looking like he’s trying hard not to bite his lip. You look back down at your hand, and he speaks up again.  

“You know I love you, right?”  

You smile slightly. “No but?”  

“No but,” he agrees.  

The ring fits nicely on your finger; maybe it’s well-measured from the amount of times he’s held your hand tightly in his.  

“Okay, Jaehyun,” you whisper. “I promise.”  

When you place your hand on his, he twists his palm, slender fingers gently twirling the ring around the base of your finger.  

Minutes later, he hands you your coffee. It’s sweet and milky, the way he knows you like it best. When he settles back down on the bed, you notice his eyes travel to your finger again, a small smile playing on his lips.  

Perhaps, in this moment, you finally learn to ask the right questions — not about if it’s worth it, but if he is.  

And in this moment, where he sits in silence with you, the sunlight pouring in from his window hitting the tips of his hair and the end of his nose, with the knowledge that his heart is as full as yours, you come to realize that there can — and never will be — any doubt of that.  

[seeds-and-sins]

Light My Fire - Part Six

Pairing: Ben "Soldier Boy" x F!Reader

Rating: M (Crude Language, Curse Words, Sexism, descriptions of explicit sexual content)

Description: The Deep and Phoenix are sent to investigate a certain set of twins.

Tagged: @tonixe @chernayawidow, @deans-spinster-witchs-favorites, @ophennie @virgoelf-blog, @my-obsession-spn

Part Five

Sure. Soldier Boy understood you, but that didn't mean he really wanted you. It didn't mean that he would have chosen you over all else. He didn't care about you. When you think back on it, on the memories once lost in your head, now found, you were vulnerable. You allowed him into your heart when you shouldn't have. You knew better than to do that.

And Ben stuck. Ben attached himself to you like glue and you allowed it. Why would you allow that? Ben treated you so poorly back then, why would you allow him to get to you? A few words of sentiment, the exchange of an unsaid promise that was empty and forgotten. You had lived far too long to fall prey to such stupid sweet nothings. When Ben propped his chin on your head, when he wrapped his arms around you and told you that you were safe, you fell for it. How could you?

For years you tried to figure out what happened to him, and when you did Vought fucked you up worse than you already were. Why go through that for someone who didn't even care? Someone who would never choose you?

So, you chose John.

"You're not going to um..." Your droopy gaze shifted in the Deep's direction and the man's words crumbled with his composure. The Deep became a stuttering mess, eyes wide, a hard frown on his lips.

"What?" You breathed, swishing the glass of bronze liquid in your hand before bringing it to your lips for another sip. "Spontaneously burst into flames?"

"Um..." He cleared his throat. "Yeah."

"No. I'm not gonna' do that." Your eyes returned to the massive screen in front of you. The pixelated words had blended together, camera footage and images of Soldier Boy flooded the screen.

"Just making sure..." The Deep began, his adam's apple bobbed as he gulped. "You've been sitting here for a little bit, drinking."

"I can't get drunk so, it doesn't matter anyways."

"Yeah but, doesn't alcohol like-make you worse-I mean-"

"Shut up." You stated firmly, in a dead tone. You hadn't had many interactions with the Deep since you had arrived back at the tower all those months ago. What you did know was that you hated him. You didn't need to know much about him to know that he was a piece of shit. The news and tabloids agreed, but even more so, the way he weaseled a spot back into the Seven made you sick to your stomach. You thought Swatto was bad all those years ago. The Deep was worse. At least Swatto owned up to the horrible accusations, the Deep tried to pretend like nothing happened. Coward. "Can you look something up for me?" It wasn't much of a question as it was a demand. The Deep knew as much when he cast a side glance in your direction.

You kicked your feet up onto the desk, still dressed in your hero suit. You tucked the glass of whiskey in your lap and crossed your ankles.

"Sure-uh-what exactly?"

"Look up me." You stared intently at the screen, not flinching once at the expression on the Deep's face.

"Are you-"

"Look me up now." And the vigorous tapping of keys sounded through a devastating silence. Images of you popped up, old and new, as well as a few files and a short synapsis of information. "Hmm..." You sipped from the glass, calm and collected. "That's my name." You pondered, the Deep squinted at you.

"You didn't know your name?"

"I forgot my name. Last person to call me by it wants me dead." You shrugged, the tip of your finger tracing the lip of your glass. "I want to know something specific." Your voice was distant, you felt like you were hovering above your body looking in.

"O-kayy~"

"Pull up my file for the year 1994."

"1994?" The Deep muttered in confusion, a few moments passed in quiet as he scrolled across the search and clicked through files. He paused with a frown. "It's classified."

"Classified?" You spat, abruptly jerking up from your seat and slamming the glass down onto the desk. The Deep flinched, he held his hands up from the keyboard.

"Look, man, I don't know. It's just classified." You stood fully and crossed your arms, eyes skimming the screen, everything was blacked out.

"Open it then."

"That's not how it works. Some of this stuff needs security clea-"

"You're in charge of fuckin' security! Do it!" You fumed and the waves of heat rolling off of you were enough to send the Deep in motion. He was shaking as he tried to find a way into your information. The Deep wasn't suited for this job, but Homelander was convinced that the Deep was a useful pawn in his quest to takeover Vought. Just then, the Deep accidentally clicked a distant file and a video popped up on the screen. "Stop!" You leaned in. It was Vogelbaum, he was wearing a mask, speaking into a camera, sitting at a desk, your unconscious body was resting on an examination table in the background.

"Day Three. It is approximately eight in the morning, eastern time, on September 23rd, 1994." The quality of the footage was old. Voegelbaum was younger then. The mask muffled his voice, but you knew what he was saying. "After repeated attempts, I have concluded it to be impossible to harvest any cellular matter from Subject 665's body. Her skin is impenetrable to the extent that even the scraping of simple tissue matter is impossible. It is fascinating how the carbon monoxide weakens her thermodynamic abilities, but retains the sturdiness of her cellular structure as a result of those abilities. Attempts at transvaginal ultrasound aspiration have failed, but I have been in the process of creating a concoction that might be capable of targeting the cells in her body, making it easier to harvest the egg follicles residing in her ovaries." You cupped a handle over your mouth, tears peeking at the corners of your eyes. What did that mean? The pills?! You had been taking them for years, only having recently stopped. What did that mean?! "We will keep Subject 665 in containment for a little longer, given that Mindstorm's treatments toward her mental state continue to work."

The video ended.

"More!" You hissed at the Deep and he aggressively began typing away, when another video popped up:

You were sitting at a white table, all too familiar to you. You were dressed in a tank top and baggy sweatpants. Your hair was disheveled and your eyes were sunken and the light inside you was fading bit by bit.

"Phoenix," It was Vogelbaum, sitting somewhere outside of the camera's view, your neck craned back and you chewed anxiously at your bottom lip. "Do you recall where we started off last? Or would you like me to refresh your memory?"

"What do you want?" You whispered, your voice was shaky and you sounded like you were on the verge of tears.

"Tell me what first made you suspicious of Soldier Boy's death." You crossed your arms, eyes frantically looking around the room.

"It-It didn't seem right. Everyone was too normal."

"Your peers didn't seem to like him, so you can't blame them-"

"No. It just wasn't right." You blurted out, jabbing a finger at your chest. "I knew! I knew it wasn't right!"

"Okay, okay, calm down." Vogelbaum urged, you saw his hand enter the frame of the camera from across the table, but he didn't dare touch you and risk burning himself. "And what did you do after that?"

"I went to Nicaragua." You said, releasing a shaky breath.

"And what did you do there?"

"I-I-" Your looked away, hands now rested in your lap, twiddling your thumbs. "I needed to find out what happened."

"Of course," Vogelbaum chirped, "I expect no less."

"The locals didn't want to answer my questions." You lowered your head, Vogelbaum pressed further.

"And what did you do?"

"I killed some people."

"Some?"

"Okay..." You sighed, then timidly admitted, "I killed a lot of people."

"Is there a reason why Soldier Boy's death affected you so?"

"If he could die..." Your breath hitched, "Maybe I could too."

"Interesting." Homelander piped in from his place behind you. You had assumed he had been standing there for a while because he wasn't looking at you the same. You were like a damaged animal and he was your abusive keeper. "I'm sending the Deep and you to go check on the twins." The video continued running in the background, but John didn't seem to care about the images and sounds circulating from the screen.

"Why me?" You snapped, John blinked down at you with cold, steely eyes.

"You think the Deep can fight Soldier Boy head on?"

The answer to that was 'no', everyone knew that.

"I know he can't, but I would rather just leave him to die."

"Wow, that was heartfelt." The Deep blurted out, immediately regretting his sarcastic remark with a hand slapped over his lips.

"Phoenix." John sighed, placing a firm hand on your shoulder, a warning. "I need your help on this. We know Soldier Boy's next marks. This is our chance to get a jump on him."

"If he's half the man he was when I was working with him, we'll never get the jump on him." To anyone else, John was Homelander. To you, John was a boy. He had the same look of fear in his eyes now that he had the first time you introduced him to a crowd. It was overwhelming. You didn't blame John for being scared, but there was something else. There was always something else.

...

You dropped Deep onto the concrete pavement of a lengthy driveway. You were about twelve feet up, he hit the ground with a hard thud and plopped onto his side.

"Fuck!" He hissed, "Was that necessary?!" Phoenix ignored him as she lowered herself, clasping her hands behind her back as she considered the mansion in front of them. Oh, how she wanted to run through it like a knife to butter. These TNT twins lived in luxury after what they had done to Soldier Boy, after what they had done to you, and you would take that away from them first before taking away their lives.

"Come on, sea slug. We got business to take care of." The Deep trotted up to your side, albeit wincing and rubbing at his arm.

"What did I do to you?! Hmm?" He had somehow gained the courage to confront you, when now wasn't really a good time. "I've been good to you."

"You sexually assaulted and raped dozens of woman, and you want to know why I don't like you? That's funny." You said in a dead and even tone that must have sent chills down the Deep's spine because he stopped walking. You approached the mahogany doors, glaring at them, feeling the fire burning in your blood. "You're going to have to do the talking."

"What? Why? Weren't these guys on your team all those years ago?"

"I want to kill them." The Deep gulped, nervously stuttering out nothing before nodding his head and bringing a fist to the door.

"Yeah, I'll do the talking." As you were waiting for the door to open, you couldn't help but get the feeling that you were being watched. The mansion was surrounded by a large plot of land, a sparse tree line bordering it. It could have been nothing, but then also it could have been something. Even with pretty much every part of yourself being 'superhuman', you never had the ability to hear someone's heart beat or see through solid objects. The most you could do in that regard was focus really hard and you might be able to detect nearby heat sources. And that was if you focused really hard. But what you did have was a sixth sense. Your old team used to comment on it all the time. You always had a feeling that something was going to happen before it did. You could always feel when something was off, not right. It was how you knew that Soldier Boy never really died in Nicaragua, it was how you found John in that lab all those years ago, and now, it was how you knew that something was about to happen. Something big.

What if Soldier Boy was here? What if that was why Tommy and Tessa weren't answering the door? Maybe Soldier Boy had already killed them? Your anxiety spiked. You weren't ready. You thought you were, but you weren't. You were anything but ready. What if he was the one that answered the door? What would you do?

You weren't the same person. Neither of you were the same person. He wanted you dead.

"Jesus Christ. Knock again." You crossed your arms, cape swaying behind you, your eyes frantically tracing the tree line once more. The Deep knocked, hitting the door a little harder this time. The door swung open. Music emanated from inside, loud moans and screams of pleasure and booming conversations and-

No. Fuck no. It couldn't be...

They were still doing this shit?

Tommy and Tessa were standing there. Tessa was wearing a leather dominatrix-esque outfit and Tommy was wearing a golden robe and a pair of dirty looking boxer shorts. They both looked aged. Old and worn down. Part of you envied Tessa's wrinkles and Tommy's grey hairs and you wanted that, but it was only a distant thought before you tuned in. They were pleased when they saw the Deep, but the moment their twin eyes landed on you, you could noticeably see the fear blossom in their very souls. Good, you thought, they should be afraid.

"The Deep..." Tommy began, "Captain of the Seven Seas, and..." Tommy choked, eyes wide as he looked you up and down.

"Phoenix." Tessa said cooly, nursing her cigarette. She was as tough looking as she was when you first met her, attempting to put on the persona that made her seem ruthless and brave. But Tessa was terrified, and you knew it better than anybody. You fed off of their fear like a lion did their meat and you were starving for it. "Long time no see."

"Well..." The Deep cleared his throat. "Sorry to drop in like this unannounced."

"Not at all, um-" Tommy froze up again at the sight of your unflinching stare, honed in on him. "We were having a bit of a celebration." He chuckled nervously, clapping his hands together. "You guys are welcome to come on in." Before the Deep could speak, Phoenix piped in:

"You know who started Herogasm?" Tommy glanced at Tessa, they sent each other uneasy looks. "Soldier Boy. You remember him, right?" This smile crept up onto your face, plastered on, hard and sharp.

"Yeah." Tessa snorted, shrugging. "Figured we'd keep the tradition alive. Why not?"

"Hmm." You sighed, stepping forward and scooping Tessa and Tommy in your arms and into a tight hug. Your head was between theirs, they stood stiff like wooden boards. Neither of them were strong enough to protest. "So good to see you guys again." You leaned back, a hand on either of their shoulders and you held them in place, looking between them with that same smile. "I just wanted to let you guys know that I know." Tessa squinted at you, she had dropped her cigarette in fear when you looped them into your death hug.

"I'm sorry?" She whispered with a wince. Tommy chewed his bottom lip.

"K-K-Know what?"

"Everything." Your whispered back as your grin widened. You didn't have to have super hearing to know that Tommy's heart skipped.

Return to Masterlist

[purrsongs]

Hey I know reblogs are worth more than likes, and I fully support liking and reblogging, but the phrasing on your mapleshade post is very abusive and guilt trippy!! /nm

hey first of all i wanna start this off saying i'm not trying to start a fight or drama or anything, i have conflict anxiety i don't want to start shit in the reblogs

also, i understand that posts that say things like "if you don't reblog this i can't trust you / signal boost / everyone reblog this i don't care" can be very harmful, i myself tend to avoid reblogs that say that.

however i really don't think that "don't like if you're not going to reblog" is abusive or guilt tripping, ESPECIALLY abusive? that is a very strong accusation to make and i don't appreciate the sentiment that the language i used is abusive or a guilt-tripping. my caption was not meant to be a guilt trip either. it was meant literally, and it was meant to be a little firm - i don't want likes. reblog art.

i've gotten several asks in the past about this caption that i put on my art and i will repeat myself: likes. are. worthless. on tumblr likes have no function. only reblogs matter when it comes to art and artist exposure. to me, getting a like on my art is like getting a notification that says "this person didn't care or like your art enough to reblog."

reblogs share art with others, give the artist exposure and allow for comments and thoughts in the tags, maybe gain new followers. it's so much more rewarding and motivational to receive a reblog whereas a like does nothing.

reblog art or you will stop seeing art.

if you have a replacement suggestion that isn't "reblogs > likes" which people tend to ignore, i'd be happy to hear it, but first, take a look at this.

this is a piece of my art, posted on my main blog, without my "don't like if you're not going to reblog" caption.

this is a piece of my art, posted on my main blog, with my "don't like if you're not going to reblog" caption. (and even still the likes are higher than the reblogs with about 200 more likes)

my caption is firm because it has to be, because tumblr has a MASSIVE problem with artists and me and all my artist friends are pretty much at the end of our patience.

[tubbytarchia]

I'm baffled that people are hating on you for having an opinion on a fictional Minecraft block man aksbahf. Even as someone who does enjoy FH (mostly the fandom version of it honestly), it's bonkers to judge someone for NOT liking a ship? Or not enjoying a character's behavior? Or for interpreting on-screen interactions differently than they do??? Like jesus, the whole point of fandom is to enjoy it the way you want to. You're not hurting anyone by seeing a pairing as negative based on what you watched. Look at friggin' Desert Duo, half the fandom writes 'em as toxic and divorced, and the other says they're devoted and inseparable. Different stances and interpretations make for a mixed and flavorful fandom experience and a melting pot of awesome stories and art. Good lord, god forbid you like something different or dislike a specific part of a media that you love lol

Keep doing you friend, you're great! <3

- 🧚‍♀️

Oh god if only it were like desert duo, if only... But lmao yeah right!! I'm sorry that Scott smajor damnthatsalongusername is a guy that exists in real life I really don't care. I just want to discuss what I see from the series! And the more I see people with similar opinions to mine talk, the more evident it becomes that those opinions used to be so minimal because of this kind of fandom treatment. And so my heart goes out to anyone who dares talk about said opinions even if it gets them accused of homophobia lol. I'm with you guys...

And the fact that you like FH... but you're on my blog and share this sentiment... Is that so hard... Is it so hard to be decently sensible about different opinions and interpretations...

Also I do like FH too haha, I don't think I can say I ship it but obviously it's really compelling to me, and I've said it before and I'll keep saying it that I very much enjoy a lot of fluffy FH art and I really like them in ESMP1 for example. But no, I said they were toxic in 3L so that means I hate them!!!! It's ridiculous how much of a black and white matter this is to so many people, I don't understand... And the thing is that I WANT to understand! As you said, it's cool and intriguing! Differing discussion only adds to any one subject matter. Soft FH people probably wouldn't change my mind but I'd love to understand their points if only those points weren't something along the lines of "shut up you're wrong" (obviously not everyone!! But it is what I keep seeing in the FH tag lol)

I've seen people proclaim Jimmy as the abusive one, or proclaim ranchers as toxic etc, and I don't see it but man does it intrigue me! It's absurd to me personally, but I'm not telling you to shut up - you can't just say that and not tell me more! I wanna know what people are thinking without shutting one another down...

[arofulboyfriend]

howdy! i'm seren (he/him) and this is my shiny new blog after a long time away from tumblr (or rather just lurking in the shadows). decided to rejoin after a few months of chilling in the aroacespec tags and slowly coming to terms with my own aro identity, and because i think any community could always use another token transmasc /lh

im not big on using social media, so i may post somewhat infrequently, but i do love to meet new people and chat so my ask box and replies are all open and i try to check my notifications often!

about me (brief): like i said my name is seren, i use he/him pronouns, and like the bio says i'm transmasc, lovequeer, and aroace, in broad strokes. i'm an adult in my mid 20s and i like genshin impact and pjsk and a bunch of other things, so you may sometimes see fandom reblogs if they relate to aroace-ness (will always be tagged)

on labels: im still coming to terms with my aro (and, to a lesser extent, ace) identities, so these are subject to change entirely, as of time of writing though, i'm gnc transmasc, bellus- and idem- romantic, bi-alterous and sex-repulsed ace. i recently saw the term "lovequeer" and really liked that too, so it's been added to the hoard (tm). more explanations below the cut for how i personally define and relate to each label!

about the blog: will use cw/tw tags where needed. i dont personally need tone indicators but i try to use them myself, but usage may be inconsistent. if in doubt, just ask, but 99% of the time i probably sound more cold/angry than i actually am. no dni or dnf just don't be a weird exclusionary or separatist a-hole

other than that, thanks for stopping by!

for simplicity i will always default to calling myself some combo of: transmasc, queer, aroace, or aro, but i'm all of them at once

gnc transmasc: i am transmasc, not trans man, trans boy, boy, or man (the "boyfriend" in my url is meant to be understood as a separate label from "boy"). i prefer masculine forms of address from non close friends, i do not like any feminine terms like girl, sis, etc. i am not out to anyone except close friends and safe parties (like pride) irl, and am not on hormones and cannot get surgery for a variety of reasons, but i do not mind dressing feminine, but by default i kinda tend towards tomboyish fashion regardless

bellusromantic: i enjoy conventionally romantic (as per US social norms) gestures in purely platonic contexts, such as holding hands, cuddling, cheek and hand smooching, calling my friends babe/dear, etc. not fond of mouth kissing.

idemromantic: probably bcus of the audhd, but i do not and have never seen an actual difference between "being besties" and "being romantically involved" - i lovingly call myself homie oriented. internally i never understood a sentiment of "more than friends" or whatever and politically speaking i am loudly, angrily critical of said sentiment.

lovequeer: a term i saw on tumblr a few days ago at time of writing. i feel like my relationship to the concept and feeling of "love" is inherently queer (as in "odd/weird" /pos)

bi-alterous: even though i'm aroace, "bi" was the first queer label i ever connected to, and im not willing to drop it. i am able to form close, intimate relationships with any person of any gender

sex repulsed ace: im repulsed by the idea and concept of specifically irl sex/pornography. i indulge in the occasional smutty fanart or smut fic bcus sadly i do have a libido, but i currently and for the foreseeable future only trust one person with any smut oriented discussion and i only make jokes with close friends

[nothorses]

sorry to bring this to your inbox but i got nowhere else to bring it and i need a yell. I was going through the transgender tag for more information on the CEO's transmisogyny debacle and came across a post that started out by stating that transmisogyny has been on the rise on tumblr as a whole; reasonable and true. but they started their list of examples with "1. The entire concept of transandrophobia" and I just.

What the goddamn hell is wrong with you*? (not YOU you THEM you) Why the fuck are you throwing your trans brothers under the bus for the actions of a pissbaby CEO? There's a wave of false reports and deletions - TARGETING TRANS WOMEN - and your response is to try and shift the target to transmascs for... talking about their experiences? Your response to outside harassment is to try and spark more infighting? What's your fucking problem????? We need to be coming TOGETHER not picking a fucking target to spit on!!! Christ alive. And people wonder how it's so easy for terfs to turn us against each other. God.

Ok rant over thanks for listening

I just want to challenge your wording here a little bit; did you check this person's blog and how they identify? Do you know if they're a trans woman, a trans man, nonbinary, etc.? Even what they might have said on their blog about how they identify should be scrutinized- we don't actually know who this person is, and they could for sure be lying. It's really, really useful for people outside of our communities who want to stir shit up to pretend they're not outsiders at all.

The post you're describing is horrible either way, and you're 100% right that it's stirring up harmful infighting. I think it's really easy to see that kind of thing and think, "oh my god, people are falling for it! they're actually fighting each other now!!"

It's a scary thing to see, and it's incredibly hard to ask critical questions when we're afraid, or otherwise emotionally activated like that. And there's nothing wrong with being emotionally activated, either; of course you are! That's some really hateful, really wrong, and really dangerous shit! Sentiments just like that one have caused so much harm to our community, and so much harm directly to individual, vulnerable people- probably people you know. Certainly people I know.

But it's reactions from that state of emotional activation that lead to the success of these kinds of infighting campaigns. We get activated, we make assumptions and act from that activated place, other people get activated and do the same, and the cycle continues.

What's worse, you're the only person who saw the post in question; I can only react to what you're telling me. I can't go look at the post, check OP's blog, and answer any critical questions about the nature of the situation. I have no way of knowing whether this person might be transfem, or just a TERF trying to stir shit up. I don't even know if the OP was an anon ask sent to someone else. I don't know how many notes the post got, or how big OP's audience is; I can't really conceptualize the amount of harm the post has done. I don't know if anyone has debunked it in the notes, or if OP has since posted an update denouncing that original sentiment.

Again, that's not to invalidate your emotional response, or even really question how honest you're being here. For all I know, you did check all of those things, and this is worse than I think it is. It certainly seems pretty realistic to me, just based on my own experiences with these kinds of conversations.

I just want to push back on that wording a little bit because like... as much as it is a real problem that a lot of transfems really firmly believe that Transmascs Talking About Cis People Being Transphobic To Us is the most serious & urgent form of transmisogyny facing the transfem community today, it's also a real problem that transmacs will jump on that same line of thinking in an effort to paint themselves as "one of the good ones".

Cis women will often throw transmascs under the bus in the same way in order to avoid Cis Guilt, oftentimes avoiding talking about their cis positionalities- which leads people to assume that, because they're talking about trans issues so much, they must be trans themselves! Which, again, perpetuates this illusion that "the trans community is full of infighting" and that much more dangerous to various trans people.

(Granted, this is a complicated issue; I don't think it's wrong for cis people to talk about these things, and I don't think trans people should have to out themselves in order to do so, either- but I have absolutely seen this pattern taken advantage of by hateful anons, TERFs, radfems, and cis women who revel in being called "honorary trans women" for bashing transmascs frequently enough.)

Is this post demonstrating the success of cis people's efforts to stir up infighting in the trans community, or is it just an example of cis people trying to stir up infighting? And if you know it's the former, how do I know? How do all of my followers know? Is it better to understand it as one vs. the other?

I'm sorry this got so long and off-topic; I'm sure this isn't what you were looking for when you sent me this ask, and I'm sorry for criticizing your wording over providing the emotional reassurance you probably needed a lot more than this. And also, I do feel a responsibility to think about the people reading asks before I think about the people sending them (particularly if they're on anon), and I felt this was the message that most needed to be received from anything I could say in response. I hope you're able to find the emotional reassurance you need regardless, and I appreciate you bringing this to me in the first place. 💙

[detransdamnation]

hey, i'm a transgender person who came across your blog while looking through some tags. i don't necessarily agree with much of your views (i'm very much not a gender critical), but your posts have given me a new perspective on detransitioners. i didn't hold any animosity towards them before (or much of an opinion at all really), but my understanding of them didn't have much depth. i just wanted to say that i feel a great amount of empathy for you. transitioning might have not been the answer for you, but i hope someday your dysphoria dissipates and you're able to find peace. you aren't a freak for pursuing a path that didn't end up being right for you, you simply tried to alleviate your dysphoria in the only way you knew how to. i'm sorry it didn't work out. and i'm sorry so many of my peers treat detransitioners with vitriol when we really should be extending our support to them. i apologize if this came off as me pitying your situation. i'm not good at conveying words through text, but i just want you to know that my sentiments are genuine. i'm sure this is kind of a weird thing to get in your inbox (probably even weirder coming from a transgender person, sorry). i suppose we're at odds with each other, but i hope you are able to find happiness and someone who will love you for you.

Thank you so much for this message, sweet. One of the driving forces in my decision to publish my mostly unfiltered turmoil in relation to my dysphoria (beyond the fact that I just need a place where I can drop it and forget about it) was/is the wish for people to gain this very perspective through my blog. I find that a not-insignificant portion of the gender-critical community consists of people who (self-admittedly) do not actually experience long-term dysphoria to the degree that I and many other transgender people experience (meaning they're just parroting talking points without a personal, in-depth understanding of what it is actually like to hate yourself and your body to such a degree and be so fucking desperate to just make it stop), while the wider detransitioned community (contrary to somewhat popular belief) do not actually criticize gender identity as a concept, and in fact, often continue to find comfort in upholding it post-detransition. I also find that the ways in which dysphoria is approached and talked about in both communities can be a bit... shall I say... missing-the-forest-for-the-trees in that there is so much emphasis on "curing" dysphoria (whether through the means of transition, therapy, or simply "growing out of" it) riddled into the ideologies that when they come across someone like me—someone who has continued to have severe, persistent dysphoria through transition, detransition, and pretty much everything under the sun—they, very often, have no idea what to do or say because I exist outside of the plane of generalizations they have based their beliefs off of. I believe, if you want to have an honest conversation about mental health, you have to acknowledge that you can do everything "right" and still suffer—I am living, breathing, walking proof of that shitty fact. I choose to be pragmatic about it, to show that both "solutions" to this internal nemesis have caused me pain in different ways, because I think it's way too easy for people—including myself—to forget that real people's stories are often much more nuanced and complicated than mere theories would have you assume. Maybe that's cliché, dramatic, pessimistic or self-defeatist of me. But it's messages like yours that show my decision has made the intended impact.

You have nothing to apologize for. I don't read your message as your pitying my situation (and even if I did, I'd totally understand, considering the content of some of my posts lmao). I'm so glad to know that you have found some value in what I have shared here, even more so that you read through my blog and came to a place of compassion instead of defense. I'd go out on a whim and say we're not so at odds with each other, seeing as how I do still live my offline life as a transgender person currently, although I understand how many would disagree with me on that considering my perspective. Especially in this past year, it can be very hard for me to not look at this clusterfuck of an issue and want to throw back all of the anger and hatred that the trans community has shown me in the past, I'll honestly admit that—but through it all, I try to hold out hope that we will move past this weird timeline of extremism (on both sides) and we will all be able to come to a place of mutual understanding that will benefit all dysphoric people who precede us.

[kiefbowl]

I know this isn't a "real problem" according to radblr but I feel so insane when I read a lot of feminist literature about sex. It's always about how penetration is evil and centers male sexuality and I get that, I truly agree that men feel entitled to penetrate women. But there's always that implicit message that you cannot enjoy penetration, or that women only really enjoy clitoral stimultation. I had no idea my case was so rare before feminism: I have never orgasmed from clitoral stimulation by another person, unless you count rubbing my vuvlva over someone else's genitals. With another person I have only ever orgasmed from penetration by a penis, or fingers one time. When I have penetrative sex I pretty much orgasm every time, sometimes multiple times. On my own I can orgasm very easily from clitoral stimulation but never with someone else, and it's not like the guy I'm with doesn't try, he knows where the clitoris is, he actively and enthusiastically goes down on me. And I know this sounds like a non-issue, a sort of "good for you, nobody else is like that" kind of thing. But I find it difficult to connect with a lot of sentiments about sex on here. A lot of it makes me feel like I can't talk about the way I experience sex and desire, because I sound like I'm sucking up to the patriarchy or to men. Centering male sexuality, even if I'm really not. Sorry to rant

There's a couple things I want to address here, and you might not like them all, but please keep in mind I'm writing this in good faith and not to lecture. I'll just take it one bit at a time:

"I know this isn't a "real problem" according to radblr but I feel so insane when I read a lot of feminist literature about sex."

First of all, radblr is a tenuous concept at best. It's not that it isn't real, or that it isn't important, or we should flippantly dismiss what happens on radblr, but you have to understand that what you specifically are experiencing as "radblr" is extremely unique to you. You have the only dashboard you experience. You get to follow who you want, you get to block who you want, there are settings you can toggle, you can block tags, and most importantly, you get to publish whatever content you want. So whatever it is you’re experiencing as “radblr” is not going to be everyone’s experience. So when you say “I know this isn’t a ‘real problem’ according to radblr”, it comes off as myopic and self-indulgent. You don’t know what everyone’s “problems” are, and frankly a lot of women come on tumblr to specifically not have “problems.” They’re here to have a good time, which leads to my second of all:

You caring about something or feeling uncomfortable about something and finding that most others don’t care or are dismissive or are even critical or even mean doesn’t really say anything about feminism or radblr, but says more about what you’re spending your time on tumblr doing. You’re allowed to quit tumblr. You’re allowed to have 20 sock puppet accounts. Stop expecting other women on here to be endless supplies of validation. In fact, expect them to be not even a fraction of their “true, irl” self here. Every single person on tumblr has a real life that is is more interesting than anything happening on tumblr and just literally has nothing to do with you. If you really can’t handle how a woman is using tumblr to blog about her life, just block her. She won’t even notice.

I guess the rest of my response is going to address the “insane” part...

(the rest under a cut for length and descriptions of het sex, not too graphic):

“It's always about how penetration is evil...”

I think if you’re reading feminist literature about PIV and your take-away is that it’s calling it “evil”, you don’t really give much respect to the validity of feminist literature as social, or political, or even philosophical theory. You see women as play-acting male intellectualism. Evil is a moral concept, and more often than not a religious concept. Maybe you’re throwing this word around unthinkingly, you mean it in some colloquial way and you didn’t really intend it’s full (and varied) meaning, but if you want to engage with female literature as intellectually relevant, and you want to be critical of it, you need to choose your words carefully. Does feminist literature critical of PIV claim penetration is evil, or are you just uncomfortable reading critical theory about PIV sex?

Evil in general is a pretty broad concept, so what is intended to respond to PIV critical theory with such a broad response? It means you don’t really want to engage, because you haven’t brought much to the table. You’ve brought your feelings, which aren’t unimportant, but have you really explored beyond that? What is your theory, your hypothesis, your maxims? What’s your thesis? Are you doing the heavy lifting, or do you just want to “not feel insane.” That’s fair to an extent, but if that’s the case, stop reading things that make you “feel insane” and go about your business. Engage or don’t engage, commit or don’t commit.

“...and centers male sexuality and I get that, I truly agree that men feel entitled to penetrate women. But there's always that implicit message that you cannot enjoy penetration, or that women only really enjoy clitoral stimultation.”

Many different women are coming to the table to discuss feminism, and even the most intelligent and well resourced women has the limitation we all have, which is at the end of the day we can really only speak to our own experiences. No woman can tell you what it is you like sexually, you are the only person who is experiencing your sexual history. If a woman says “women can’t enjoy penetration”, and you think she’s wrong, that’s your answer. What do you want from her? She will never ever validate your sexual experience and frankly she doesn’t have to. Validate your own sexuality.

Personally, I understand that there’s two nuances here: (1) the human body is both measurable and yet varied and diverse, and (2) sexual satisfaction can’t be divorced from socialization and mentality, which PIV critical theory attempts to explore. I’m already getting into more intense and complicated discourse than the average tumblr post, because if I really wanted to explain my feelings on both those points and then connect it to what I’ve already discussed above, we’re talking pages. Pages and pages, words and words, work I don’t want to do. I’m not getting paid, neither is your random tumblrina.

Which leads me to another point...are you reading feminist literature, or are you just kinda sorta hanging out on tumblr? No shade, I think just hanging out on tumblr is fine, and I think there are a ton of intelligent and smart women hanging out here too making some great content. The last time I read a feminist essay I honestly can’t tell you. I haven’t been doing my own heavy-lifting in awhile, I haven’t been doing my due diligence. I also trust, as a grown woman, I’ve done enough of my own studying to rest on my laurels a bit. I’m not convince of that for everyone I see on tumblr, but I’m also not their mom and I’m not going to lecture women to read or what to read. I encourage it, though! But at the end of the day, if the extent of your feminism is hanging out on tumblr reading what cool women are saying on their personal blogs when the mood strikes them, I’m not saying that’s bad or not enough, but you have to temper your responses to what you read accordingly. I think it’s awesome the internet allows women to congregate, and the anonymity of it allows women to speak more freely than they probably do in real life. It totally makes sense that internet communities are a big entry point to explore feminism for lots of young women, especially if they’re missing that community in real life. Love love love it.

But it does blur the lines of what is (in my estimation) the three “pillars” of any social movement’s text: theory, action, and personal account. To expand on that...

“I had no idea my case was so rare before feminism: I have never orgasmed from clitoral stimulation by another person,”

Were you actually “called to action” to only enjoy clitoral stimulation, or is it more likely many women have personal accounts of not enjoying penetration, enjoying clitoral stimulation, and having their needs disregarded by male partners? If we have so many personal accounts, what can we theorize? What you personally act on with that information is not that important in the grand scheme of feminism because you’re just one individual. The call to action is better suited to the group: how can we make women more comfortable standing up for their boundaries and their pleasure? How can we protect women from sexual violence? How can we educate them? When it comes to you, no one can stop you from making the choices you want to make, and that’ll be true for everyone. But the more we talk about these things, the more we can help women in general.  

“... unless you count rubbing my vuvlva over someone else's genitals.”

Why wouldn’t we? No honestly, this strikes me. I think this speaks to the issue a lot of women have where they’re primed to view their own sexuality in 3rd person, downplay what they experience as “real” or “correct”, and view sex from a male POV.

YOU orgasmed, that’s reality. Every orgasm you have counts. Every orgasm you have is real. Who cares how rare it is? Who cares if it fits the idea, the “social script” about sex?

Many, many, many people discuss het sex as if the only way to have genital sex is penetration, even so much so that when discussing other sex besides penetration, people point to oral and manual, and seem to be unable to envision genital sex without penetration. But genital sex without penetration is sex. You had sex and you orgasmed without penetration at least once from what I’m reading.

So yes, I count it. I count you. Now imagine a woman in your experience deciding for herself that’s how she wants to pursue orgasm, and standing her ground that she’ll never have PIV sex again. I see that as brave, and wonderful. It doesn’t matter what I do in my sex life, which includes PIV. I’m not a factor in her sex life. But I applaud her, I support her. You could do the same while changing nothing else in your life, so why wouldn’t you?

“With another person I have only ever orgasmed from penetration by a penis, or fingers one time. When I have penetrative sex I pretty much orgasm every time, sometimes multiple times.”

I’m very glad you’re having orgasms. Lots of women don’t, so it’s exciting to hear that’s a big part of your sex life.

“On my own I can orgasm very easily from clitoral stimulation but never with someone else, and it's not like the guy I'm with doesn't try, he knows where the clitoris is, he actively and enthusiastically goes down on me.”

Another way to have sex is mutual masturbation, which you’re claiming doesn’t lead you to orgasm, which I’ll admit sounds strange to me. Why would stimulating your clit work with masturbation but not with a male partner? Are you so positive social conditioning isn’t playing a role here? In any case...

Another way to have sex, though some might disagree with me (I don’t care), is to masturbate together. As in separately. If you were to masturbate with him there doing idk whatever he’s doing (maybe he’s not even touching himself maybe he’s rubbing your feet or brushing your hair who knows), I call that sex and you have again successfully orgasm without penetration and by clitoral stimulation. So again, are you that different from other women?

Maybe, hopefully, this might give you some pause just to think about it. You don’t have to do anything different, but maybe you should think about it. What is so different about you? You don’t sound different or rare to me. You sound typical. Is there nothing to glean from PIV critical theory if you push past feeling uncomfortable, if you don’t treat it as a call to action, if you just sit with it an think about it? Maybe there is something scary on the otherside, but maybe with the new scary thought comes something exhilarating. Maybe there’s even more pleasure than you could even imagine. You will have to discover that for yourself.

“And I know this sounds like a non-issue,”

To circle this back to the first point, don’t speak for me :) Kindly meant, I will tell you what sounds like a non-issue to me.

“...a sort of "good for you, nobody else is like that" kind of thing. But I find it difficult to connect with a lot of sentiments about sex on here. A lot of it makes me feel like I can't talk about the way I experience sex and desire,”

Get over those feelings. You have a personal narrative, you can bring to the table your personal account. One of those pillars I mentioned above. But make sure you’re aware...your personal narrative is not enough to “call to action”, and is not a significant sample size to theorize.

Not to mention, this is tumblr. Like it’s a personal blog. Say whatever the fuck you want. If you’re not using tumblr for fun, I can’t imagine how you’re using tumblr. Like if it isn’t fun, go do something fun instead it’s better for you.

“because I sound like I'm sucking up to the patriarchy or to men. Centering male sexuality, even if I'm really not.”

Part of putting your feelings out in the world is that they might be met with criticisms. But it sounds like you want to do it, so get tough. Harden that skin. Get in there get messy, make mistakes. People are going to come at you with legitimate counters, and that should be so exciting and titillating. Don’t you want to learn? Don’t you want to grow? I’m getting so pumped thinking about it, women’s minds coming together to make an unique and interesting place on the internet, be still my heart.

And sometimes people say stuff that’s bullshit. Okay, so trust your own mind and judgement? Respond back. Tell them they’re wrong, present your argument, present your logic.

You have to make the value here, and if you’re not getting any value, again...maybe tumblr isn’t for you.

“Sorry to rant.”

I manifest for all women everywhere to stop apologizing to me for saying things from the heart. I could say sorry for writing 1000 words (I didn’t count) but I’m not going to fucking do that because I get to write whatever I want when I want. I don’t have to be sorry for existing and neither do you.

Cheers! :)

[spopsalt]

https://www.tumblr.com/zhanael/737323861598748672

This person missed the point of the criticisms SPOP has been receiving completely. I haven’t seen one person complain that the world was saved with the power of friendship bc it WASN’T. It was saved by a poorly written rushed abusive romance. In fact, the critics actually wanted to see Adora’s friendships save the day instead of her awful romance with Catra since the show is called She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, despite the princesses barely getting a role. And if there HAD to be a romance, it could’ve been with Glimmer, which would’ve made more narrative sense and sent a better message to kids.

Next, I’m not sure why OP described SPOP as a show with a “pastel color palette about friendship and love and unity” as if these things detract from the bad writing, plus these themes weren’t even handled well. I have no issue with Catra being redeemed and I liked her in seasons 3 and 4. That’s not why the show is being accused of abuse apologism and this isn’t comparable to when Sugar was accused of being a nazi apologist over the SU finale. SPOP was rushed as well (I’m not sure if it got canceled like SU) but Catra’s redemption either should’ve started sooner or the romance should’ve been ditched. SU at least had a much better writing, representation, and messages for kids. It’s funny since imo SU and SPOP are not two sides of the same coin as OP claims. If OP wants shows that are ACTUALLY comparable to SU with “pastel colors, nuanced yet positive and relatable messages about love, fun for kids,” then they should watch MLP and Amphibia instead. Also I haven’t seen one SPOP critic who’s “appalled by anything that is remotely challenging to toxic masculinity” so that’s a load of BS. As for the remaining claims, those may pertain to the SU critics for all I know, but I have yet to see any SPOP critics express such sentiments or behave in such a way. The “hate blogs” for SPOP are really just critical blogs like yours that make valid points rather than “a shit ton of bad faith misinterpretations” and aren’t “tearing [the show] to shreds,” plus the only harassment I’ve seen towards teens over a kid’s show has been from SPOP fans themselves.

This post also included a bunch of nonsense in the tags which I can no longer see since OP recently deactivated their account (in fact the only reason I’m able to share a link to the post is bc someone reblogged it), but they contained more misinterpretations of the criticisms along with slander towards the critics. I’m so sick of SPOP fans continuing to have no critical thinking skills while blindly defending the show and demonizing anyone who dares criticize it. It’s pathetic.

Thanks for the ask! Yeah, the show was saved because of a rushed abusive relationship. The thing is, I wouldn't be half as mad if it wasn't directed towards kids. I don't believe it's intentional, but kids are getting the thought that the way Catra treated Adora is ok because she loved her. Basically the "He bullies you because he likes you!" thing. Instead of actually considering if they have a valid point, they just assume that the critical blogs are just angry homophobic white straight men when a lot of the blogs are queer women like me. Also, yes a pastel color palette makes up for us having to watch a rushed toxic relationship in season 5. It's like spop stans don't realize that their perfect little show can have flaws and anyone who calls them out are homophobic racist. Also from my experience, nobody said the creator romantizes abuse, they are complaining that the show itself does whether it realizes it or not. This show is being marketed to kids and kids will believe that this is ok. That's probably my biggest gripe with the show.

[yandere-daze]

have you ever think about people who might be defending themselves not to reblog because they have a right to decide or something? this has been bugging my mind... no offense to anyone though, sorry, and love your works !

Rant incoming, just as a warning lol

But yes, obviously people have the right to decide if they want artists and writers to keep being motivated to post works on here for free or not.

As a writer myself, I just don´t understand the rationale behind it. There is literally zero reason not to reblog. It takes just as long as leaving a like and if you have zero patience to type out the tags then you don´t even have to necessarily to do that ( even if I will literally love you if you do!)

Likes do and mean nothing. They´re the equivalent of being left on reading after writing a long and heartfelt message.

Reblogs help our words getting spread around and actually show us that people care about our posts and want us to keep doing them.

But why have some people decided that they just refuse to do the thing the entire website is built around that would actually help their favorite blogs to stay motivated?

They have the choice not to reblog anything but it´s a selfish one and they better not complain when they get blocked or their favorite creators stop posting.

Just think about it: People ( me included) take hours out of their busy lives to write something and then post it because they want people to read and enjoy their works.

Writing sometimes takes hours of time and effort and it´s not always easy. If we were just going to do it for ourselves there would be no need to type out all of it out because the main fun part of the creative process to me is just daydreaming about an idea I had.

Actually putting it into words to tell a compelling story is tough and takes lots of patience. But we do it anyway because we want to share our ideas with other people, we want to talk about them with others. We want to ramble and fantasize about different scenarios. That´s fun.

It´s only natural to want at least some sort of feedback after spending so much time on something. And then it just hurts when people refuse to reblog your posts for ctually no reason at all, other than that they´re lazy or think a reblog is something super rare and special that only the "best" posts get to benefit from.

( Seriously, I don´t understand the sentiment of "Oh I really liked this but I didn´t like it enough to actually reblog and share it with other people. I don´t think the author should get any recognition. Oh but they better keep writing anyway and fast!")

At this point, rambling about ideas in a friend´s dms feels way more fulfilling. You guys have no idea of all the extensive rambles I went on with Korka that most likely will never see the light of day.

Why should I put in the effort and write it down to share with others when they can´t even bother to spend a single second to reblog it to show me that they appreciated what I wrote.

It makes no sense. Feedback and the back-and-forth with readers and fellow writers is what keeps us going. It´s super fun to get a conversation going about a cool idea you had! It´s not fun at all to see the notes on a post go up but no one saying anything. All that tells me is "huh, I guess people didn´t like this one. Guess I won´t post any of that anymore"

This complete lack of feedback from readers combined with work picking up is actually the main reason why I stopped writing for a few months. It didn´t feel rewarding anymore.

The recent yandere Alcryst post is actually one of the reasons why I started considering posting a bit more again. I was pleasantly surprised by all the nice tags and comments that one got and it made me smile every time I saw a new one pop up. I don´t care if it didn´t get as many notes as most twst works, I still felt way more satisfied and proud of it.

And that´s sort of where I come to the conclusion of this post:

Feedback matters, it really does! Likes tell us absolutely nothing, you could have downright hated it for all I know. But rest assured that I do screenshot every nice tag or comment I get, no matter if it´s actually a thought-out comprehensive analysis or just someone going "HJVJMVJM". I appreciate all of these so much. I save all of them in a little folder and look at them to cheer myself up when things might be tough.

So please, if you want your favorite blogs to continue then reblog! Maybe even leave a nice comment! Don´t forget that you get all of this stuff for free, creators are the ones keeping a community truly alive. You would probably be sad if your favorite writer or artist suddenly stopped posting due to a lack of support.

Please. Take that single second out of your life to hit the reblog button. It helps out more than you think and goes a long way to keep us motivated.

[creatively-cosmic]

dare i say that i love your art? I love it and im eating it up…

berserk cacao is so cool and just so sad and just so petrified :((( my poor baby i just wanna hols him in my arms or sit in his big hand and rub his face to let him know everything is going to be okay

i’m sorry i just like babying enormous creatures or killing machines. Or both.

also wondering if you’ve ever drawn young prince choco before?? If not, you should!! he’s really fun to do! and if so, do you have any photos?

(sorry for the long ask!)

ahh thank you so much!! im glad youve been enjoying it!

the big guys def been fun to think on and draw. and god i understand the sentiment i used to be exactly the same way with werewolf cookie LMAO you dont need to apologize (ill just find it a little funny bc this cacao is a 60 year old father. if anything he'd baby you)

as for the young prince... a few times, but not anything recent. we were way more into the cr franchise a while back which is when we did these

(+ a storybook thing we did on an old discontinued ask blog)

also hii under the cut just so this doesn't get too long, but i saw your tags under another post n wanted to clarify that yes its dark choco in front of cacao in our latest art! a. LOT of our designs of anyone from any media ever have a lot of discrepancies from the base design. we like to personalize each one to really make it our own as often, the characters we post are introjects in our system (also why we don't often maintag posts. don't take this as us saying we're uncomfortable with people enjoying our drawings and the characters- we like seeing people's takes and thoughts! the guys in our head are much different than the characters they take after)

all this a roundabout way of saying Yeah we've always drawn dark choco with longer hair. this went up the other day but this is the full design of the fella from that post

[zoobus]

Alec Baldwin, huh.

(in reference to my tags on this post)

I don't agree with the sentiment, I'm just SAYING if you write media analysis like this, you're a moron:

For those of you who can't watch videos, it's the famous speech Alec Baldwin gives in the cinematic masterpiece Glengarry Glenn Ross. Baldwin's character -- whom you assume is the villain -- addresses a room full of dudes and tears them a new asshole As smarter people have pointed out, the genius of that speech is that half of the people who watch it think that the point of the scene is "Wow, what must it be like to have such an asshole boss?" and the other half think, "Fuck yes, let's go out and sell some goddamned real estate!"

Or, as the Last Psychiatrist blog put it: "If you were in that room, some of you would understand this as a work, but feed off the energy of the message anyway, 'this guy is awesome!'; while some of you would take it personally, this guy is a jerk, you have no right to talk to me like that, or -- the standard maneuver when narcissism is confronted with a greater power -- quietly seethe and fantasize about finding information that will out him as a hypocrite.

Here are some quick indicators you can disregard someone's media opinions, whether you've seen whatever they're describing or not

They tell YOU what you'll assume about a character

They tell YOU what the "correct" read of a character is

They think there's two primary reads of the story and they flatten down to "my interpretation is smart and says something good about myself, all other interpretations are superficial and evidence of a pathetic lack of self-awareness"

They talk about award-winning, complex media like a storybook for small children. This guy is actually the villain! This guy is actually the hero!

They're so so so certain that they know exactly how everyone else interpreted the movie

Take American Psycho - when I finally watched it, I *did* find takes I disagreed with, and I *did* find takes that I felt misunderstood certain characters. But very few, if any, disagreements were due to the other person's perception of characters as purely heroic or otherwise. I found takes that I didn't object to exactly, but came from viewpoints I felt too ignorant to fully grasp or comment on. I found gaps in my own understanding, gaps I don't think I'm capable of filling (I don't get music, sorry).

It wasn't 50% dudebros who wished they were/wanted to suck off Patrick Bateman and 50% wise women smartly explaining why the racist misogynist is in fact a bad person. The most annoying, shallowest takes I've found I'm most hostile to are those "you aren't patrick bateman, you don't even wash your face/teen girls with a skincare routine understand American psycho more than any dudebro could" memes. The take with actual effort that I bristled at the most was an essay that seemed oblivious to how severe homophobia was in the 80s.

I haven't watched Glen Glennie Ross, I'm just saying this guy's read of it lends me to believe he's not a reliable source.

[littleroaes]

spread some love !

talk about your favourite mutuals and why you like them

thanks for the ask anon! ngl ive been scared of this one😭 I knew it would come one day but I can’t hold a conversation, even if there’s a gun to my head! but I’ll try😭 I’ll choose a few, but truly everyone ive talked to here, even just an exchange of a sentence or two, have been more than welcoming !

@from-izzy I don’t remember how I discovered Izzy, but I always tagged Izzy in the tag games! at some point I felt bad like “sorry I keep tagging you” because we’d hadn’t talked yet. but Izzy’s so funny, so sweet, so cool! I feel like I relate a lot to izzy lol. not for any specific incident or topic really, just when reading fics, I emphasize a lot with the sentiments of the settings and plots! Izzy truly brings me out of my shell, I feel really thankful for that ! idk, Izzy’s so supportive, what a lovely soul you are ~~~

@seolboba said I had a pretty blog ! how lovely ! mako said ocs weren’t as cool but I truly think your ocs are great! ( side note more oc appreciation! ). it’s really fun talking to mako! often get a dm of a post about Kevin or moonbae, then we just causally talk about it, but it’s still so fun! just recently mako shared the tbz pollination title collection lol. I will forever thank mako for imprinting tbz in beekeeper clothing in my head lol. also truly a hustler! posts like everyday and is quick to answer ! every boss’s dream employe lol

@sanaxo-o been some time but sana is really funny! ngl sana has me praying a bit, if met irl i think i would look a bit awkward and scared at times lol but truly sanas so sweet and lovely ! i still remember when sana wrote the Eric serenade fic! I had been dreaming about boy next door Eric and that song, though, I knew I would never get around to it myself. but when the hero was needed, sana came to us! the Eric fic was so fun and cute ! I loved it !

@cloverdaisies we haven’t talked that much to be fair, but I want to mention clo cause I think our interactions have been so wholesome ! I think it all kind of started with the reblog for hey chat! I love that fic so much, I’ll never stop talking about it lol. recently clo supported my teaser for my most recent fic, and it honestly made me so happy. clo said I was so nice, not only to clo self, but people all over! It feels relieving and lovely seeing someone say that!