#gifted kid turned failure

[storee-stories]

Road Trip to Nowhere

This is a spiel about my journey through school as a gifted kid turned ‘failure’.

For context, in The Land Down Under (Australia), you need to rack up hours of logged driving to get off your learner’s permit where a person with a full licence must accompany you every time you drive. Whenever I mention “hours”, I mean getting logged time to be able to get to do the driving test!

TW: mentions of car crashes, near misses, etc. Nothing graphic (although there’s one part that was a punch in the face to reread after forgetting about this for 2 years lol)

Unedited, lazy, old work… idk just read it. If it makes sense it makes sense ig whatever

I feel like I’m on a road trip.

Driving through life, changing speeds, turning corners

People I’ve met along the way in the back seats, screaming, laughing, conversing

Enjoying themselves while I keep my eyes on the road

I feel like I’m on a road trip

Making sure everyone in the back seats stay happy and content while I drive

Never taking my eyes off of what’s far in front of me

Looking for all the things my parents taught me when I was learning

“Keep your eyes on the peripherals, just in case something happens”

“Don’t worry, you’re going to have an accident eventually. It won’t be too bad, I’m sure”

“Keep your speed up, you’re doing so well, keep going!”

“Just keep going, we’re almost there, then we’ll all be happy, and you will too!”

I feel like I’m on a road trip

Where every shoulder has glass, providing only a small path that I can go

Where every pothole or piece of debris feels like the end of the world for the car and the people in the back

Where every passing car seems to be heading in the right direction, not my direction

I feel like I’m on a road trip

With my eyes, black dabbed beneath them, slowly starting to close, exhaustion breaking in

“Are you ok?”

“They’re fine! We’re almost there, right? How much further?”

“Only a few more kilometers,” my parents say, “then we turn left for the next leg. You’ll make it, right?”

“Um, I’m not sure… I’m getting tired-”

“But that’s such a large portion of hours wasted! You’ll be fine, you just gotta keep going. We believe in you, you haven’t struggled before!”

The kilometers drag on. Most people have gotten off at different places, now only certain people remain. Usually adults.

I keep pushing through, keeping every yawn, every anxious tear, down as to not make my parents upset.

I’m supposed to be able to get through it, right? They didn’t care when I said I was tired last time, why would they now?

With a white-knuckled grip, and wide eyes, I forced myself to keep driving

I feel like I’m on a road trip

That I’ve been driving on for too long,

My attention beginning to slip, and periods of time go unnoticed and irrecoverable to my mind

I stopped remembering how long I had been driving, like I had logged out

I liked logging out, it made it easier to bear the strain and exhaustion I was carrying

The problem came when I logged back on

“What are you doing, get back in your lane!” My mother screamed

I swerved to avoid a massive truck that narrowly missed us. When had I gone over the line?

“What was that? You can’t let that happen again, you nearly got us hurt, I’m so scared!”

“Sorry…”

“Sorry isn’t good enough, you say it all the time. Just don’t do it again. You usually never do stuff like that, get it together!” My father said

I feel like I’m on a road trip

Seemingly never ending, to get to one destination, and then inevitably come back

It’s really no wonder I feel so tired, and why I’m struggling. Avoiding those potholes and that debris on the road used all my energy in the first part of the journey, and because I’ve had no rest, I’ve lost focus and become more complacent.

But because my parents are constantly hovering over me, expecting me to do my best all the time, and not suspecting something else is causing these lapses, I’m not willing to admit something is wrong and I need to stop.

Because they won’t approve.

I feel like I’m on a road trip

Where all the trees and flowers fly swiftly past

Where the black bitumen stretches for miles

Where my eyes struggle to stay focussed in the dark night

A road trip where I’ve been driving for too long

Ignoring the “Take a Break” signs posted on the sides of the road

Where I’m slowly losing control

Where I’m slowly losing consciousness

“I was on a road trip,” I say, tears constricting my throat.

“And I think I fell asleep. I woke up to the sound of fire crackling and someone screaming for me to get out…”

“Why didn’t you take a break from driving? A learner should know their limits.”

“I wasn’t allowed to.”

“Who said you weren’t allowed to?”

“…my parents.”

“So you didn’t stop to take a much needed rest, just because your parents said you didn’t need to?”

“…yes.” It sounds stupid. So stupid. From an outside perspective, it looks ridiculous. Allowing your parents to put your life and their life on the line for some hours of driving?

“Kid, do you know who was in the other car?”

“Huh?”

“The other car,” said the man, “the one over there?”

He pointed to a wrecked suv, on it’s side, fluids, glass and metal strewn everywhere. Pieces that had been cut laid next to it.

“No…”

“There was a family of 4 in there. A child, a teenager, and two parents.”

I just stared. It didn’t seem real.

“Only 2 survived, a child and the father.”

I just stood there. No tears, no overwhelming fear… I feel tired.

“The child, the teen, and the mother. You know them, correct?”

I feel tired. “Yes.”

“Well, now you don’t”

I turned to him, caught off guard. He had already left, though.

He was walking away, towards the countless lights and sirens bouncing around the road.

I feel like I’m on a road trip

Gone horribly wrong

I looked around.

I feel like I should be searching for something, something important

Nothing comes to mind immediately.

“I wonder how Banjo is right now.”

I don’t know why my mind went to the golden scruff of our dog

Rather than my mother

Or my father

Or my friends

Or the other family

But it did

“He probably misses us.”

He doesn’t know any better

I think that’s why

Why my brain went to him rather than the people I hurt

Because, unlike the people around me

Banjo was the only one that hadn’t hurt someone

He’s the only soul that held absolutely no hate

He had done nothing in his short life to make anyone upset

Happiness following the clinking of his collar and tag

Unlike the people of the other car

And my car

My car had people who had uttered words that forever dented and scratched someone’s soul

Most of those words were towards me

And if not me, people around me

People, who I used my torn skin to stretch, and protect them with

I had even protected them from each other, in some cases

My car was filled with so much hate

Hate and ill will towards anyone

Of course I could assume the other car had hurt carried inside it, too

I knew them, after all

And, while it’s cruel, maybe the crash wasn’t too bad for them after all

I feel like I was on a road trip

Steered by my parents to result in failure

Which I was blamed for

Because I was naive enough,

as a child with adult responsibilities,

To listen to them and not force my boundaries

“I was on a road trip”

I reiterate to the hundredth person

“I was travelling, I fell asleep, we crashed.

“I understand that it was ridiculous of me to continue driving while tired but you have to understand-“

“We understand enough” they say

Their eyes glistened with hatred pointed at me

And sadness pointed within

“We’ll let you get some rest, which you obviously need, and we’ll continue tomorrow”

They treat me like a child

Obviously guilty for something silly

Except that silly thing

Ruined lives

And somehow

It’s my fault

For the failure of my guides

[the-trans-dragon]

“Why do you play games that make you suffer?” (Mostly referencing Majoras Mask, but also other games with lots of grinding/redoing/puzzles)

“I don’t like games that make me suffer? I like to be challenged.”

“Well… I like to be challenged! …If I’m immediately good at the challenge. I mean I don’t mind puzzles! …As long as I can solve them instantly… Oh my god, I don’t like to be challenged.”

-the-trans-dragon realizes they don’t actually like challenging things, they just like being good at things that other people find challenging; and having to reevaluate their entire personality which previously hinged upon the (false) statement of “I like doing tough things! I love taking on new challenges to grow as a person!”

[falinscloaca]

prev i am now so angry that physics/chemistry isn’t doing better. its like if math had a baby with every bad part of science. sucks doodoo dogshit

[burntoutdaydreamer]

Weird Brain Hacks That Help Me Write

I'm a consistently inconsistent writer/aspiring novelist, member of the burnt-out-gifted-kid-to-adult-ADHD-diagnosis-pipeline, recently unemployed overachiever, and person who's sick of hearing the conventional neurotypical advice to dealing with writer's block (i.e. "write every single day," or "there's no such thing as writer's block- if you're struggling to write, just write" Like F*CK THAT. Thank you, Brenda, why don't you go and tell someone with diabetes to just start producing more insulin?)

I've yet to get to a point in my life where I'm able to consistently write at the pace I want to, but I've come a long way from where I was a few years ago. In the past five years I've written two drafts of a 130,000 word fantasy novel (currently working on the third) and I'm about 50,000 words in on the sequel. I've hit a bit of a snag recently, but now that I've suddenly got a lot of time on my hands, I'm hoping to revamp things and return to the basics that have gotten me to this point and I thought I might share.

1) My first draft stays between me and God

I find that I and a lot of other writers unfortunately have gotten it into our heads that first drafts are supposed to resemble the finished product and that revisions are only for fixing minor mistakes. Therefore, if our first draft sucks that must mean we suck as writers and having to rewrite things from scratch means that means our first draft is a failure.

I'm here to say that is one of the most detrimental mentalities you can have as a writer.

Ever try drawing a circle? You know how when you try to free-hand draw a perfect circle in one go, it never turns out right? Whereas if you scribble, say, ten circles on top of one another really quickly and then erase the messy lines until it looks like you drew a circle with a singular line, it ends up looking pretty decent?

Yeah. That's what the drafting process is.

Your first draft is supposed to suck. I don't care who you are, but you're never going to write a perfect first draft, especially if you're inexperienced. The purpose of the first draft is to lay down a semi-workable foundation. A really loose, messy sketch if you will. Get it all down on paper, even if it turns out to be the most cliche, cringe-inducing writing you've ever done. You can work out those kinks in the later drafts. The hardest part of the first draft is the most crucial part: getting started. Don't stress yourself out and make it even harder than it already is.

If that means making a promise to yourself that no one other than you will ever read your first draft unless it's over your cold, dead body, so be it.

2) Tell perfectionism to screw off by writing with a pen

I used to exclusively write with pencil until I realized I was spending more time erasing instead of writing.

Writing with a pen keeps me from editing while I right. Like, sometimes I'll have to cross something out or make notes in the margins, but unlike erasing and rewriting, this leaves the page looking like a disaster zone and that's a good thing.

If my writing looks like a complete mess on paper, that helps me move past the perfectionist paralysis and just focus on getting words down on the page. Somehow seeing a page full of chicken scratch makes me less worried about making my writing all perfect and pretty- and that helps me get on with my main goal of fleshing out ideas and getting words on a page.

3) It's okay to leave things blank when you can't think of the right word

My writing, especially my first draft, is often filled with ___ and .... and (insert name here) and red text that reads like stage directions because I can't think of what is supposed to go there or the correct way to write it.

I found it helps to treat my writing like I do multiple choice tests. Can't think of the right answer? Just skip it. Circle it, come back to it later, but don't let one tricky question stall you to the point where you run out of brain power or run out of time to answer the other questions.

If I'm on a role, I'm not gonna waste it by trying to remember that exact word that I need or figure out the right transition into the next scene or paragraph. I'm just going to leave it blank, mark to myself that I'll need to fix the problem later, and move on.

Trust me. This helps me sooooo much with staying on a roll.

4) Write Out of Order

This may not be for everyone, but it works wonders for me.

Sure, the story your writing may need to progress chronologically, but does that mean you need to write it chronologically? No. It just needs to be written.

I generally don't do this as much for editing, but for writing, so long as you're making progress, it doesn't matter if it's in the right order. Can't think of how to structure Chapter 2, but you have a pretty good idea of how your story's going to end? Write the ending then. You'll have to go back and write Chapter 2 eventually, but if you're feeling more motivated to write a completely different part of the book, who's to say you can't do that?

When I'm working on a project, I start off with a single document that I title "Scrap for (Project Title)" and then just write whatever comes to mind, in whatever order. Once I've gotten enough to work with, then I start outlining my plot and predicting how many chapters I'm going to need. Then, I create separate google docs for each individual chapter and work on them in whatever order I feel like, often leaving several partially complete as I jump from one to the other. Then, as each one gets finished, I copy and paste the chapter into the full manuscript document. This means that the official "draft" could have Chapters 1 and 9, but completely be missing Chapters 2-8, and that's fine. It's not like anyone will ever know once I finish it.

Sorry for the absurdly long post. Hopes this helps someone. Maybe I'll share more tricks in the future.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Beth Bourne

Published: Feb 27, 2024

Kaiser gender specialists were eager to approve hormones and surgeries, which would all be covered by insurance as “medically necessary.”

On September 6, 2022, I received mail from my Kaiser Permanente Davis Ob-Gyn reminding me of a routine cervical screening. The language of the reminder stood out to me: “Recommended for people with a cervix ages 21 to 65.” When I asked my Ob-Gyn about this strange wording, she told me the wording was chosen to be “inclusive” of their “transgender” and “gender fluid” patients.

Based on this response, several thoughts occurred to me. Could I expose the medical scandal of “gender-affirming care” by saying and doing everything my daughter and other trans-identifying kids are taught to do? Would there be the type of medical safeguarding and differential diagnosis we would expect in other fields of medicine, or would I simply be allowed to self-diagnose and be offered the tools (i.e. hormones and surgeries) to choose my own gender adventure and become my true authentic self?

If I could demonstrate that anyone suffering from delusions of their sex, self-hatred, or identity issues could qualify for and easily obtain body-altering hormones and surgeries, all covered by insurance as “medically necessary” and potentially “life-saving” care, then maybe people would finally wake up. I certainly had.

I was prepared for failure. I wasn’t prepared for how easy success would be.

* * *

I am a 53-year-old mom from Davis, CA. My daughter began identifying as a transgender boy (social transition) and using he/him pronouns at school during 8th grade. Like several of her peers who also identified as trans at her school, my daughter was a gifted student and intellectually mature but socially immature. This shift coincided with her school’s sudden commitment to, and celebration of, a now widespread set of radical beliefs about the biology of sex and gender identity.

She “came out” as trans to her father (my ex-husband) and me through a standard coming-out letter, expressing her wish to start puberty blockers. She said she knew they were safe, citing information she had read from Planned Parenthood and the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH). To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I was also confused because this announcement was sudden and unexpected. While others quickly accepted and affirmed my daughter’s new identity, I was apprehensive and felt the need to learn more about what was going on.

Events began escalating quickly.

During a routine doctor’s visit scheduled for dizziness my daughter said that she was experiencing, the Kaiser pediatrician overheard her father using “he/him” pronouns for our daughter. The pediatrician seemed thrilled, quickly asking my daughter about her “preferred pronouns” and updating her medical records to denote that my daughter was now, in fact, my son. The pediatrician then recommended we consult the Kaiser Permanente Oakland Proud pediatric gender clinic, where she could get further information and (gender affirming) “treatment.” Now I was the one feeling dizzy.

As I began educating myself on this issue, I discovered that this phenomenon—minors, most often teen girls, suddenly adopting trans identities—was becoming increasingly widespread. It even had a name: rapid onset gender dysphoria, or ROGD. Thankfully, after learning about the potential side-effects of blockers and hormones, my ex-husband and I managed to agree not to consent to any medical interventions for our daughter until she turned 18 and would then be able to make such decisions as an adult.

Over the past five years, my daughter’s identity has slowly evolved in ways that I see as positive. Our bond, however, has become strained, particularly since I began publicly voicing my concerns about what many term as “gender ideology.” Following my daughter’s 17th birthday family celebration, she sent me an email that evening stating she would be cutting off contact with me.

While this estrangement brought me sorrow, with my daughter living full-time with her father, it also gave me the space to be an advocate/activist in pushing back on gender identity ideology in the schools and the medical industry.

I decided to go undercover as a nonbinary patient to show my daughter what danger she might be putting herself in—by people who purport to have her health as their interest, but whose main interest is in medically “affirming” (i.e., transitioning) whoever walks through their door. I am at heart a mother protecting her child.

* * *

My daughter’s sudden decision to become a boy was heavily on my mind in early September of 2022, when mail from my Kaiser Permanente Davis Ob-Gyn reminded me of a routine cervical screening with “Recommended for people with a cervix ages 21 to 65.” I was told that the wording was chosen to be “inclusive” of transgender and “gender fluid” patients.

Throughout the whole 231-day process of my feigned gender transition, the Kaiser gender specialists were eager to serve me and give me what I wanted, which would all be covered by insurance as “medically necessary.” My emails were returned quickly, my appointments scheduled efficiently, and I never fell through the cracks. I was helped along every step of the way.

Despite gender activists and clinicians constantly claiming that obtaining hormones and surgeries is a long and complex process with plenty of safety checks in place, I was in full control at every checkpoint. I was able to self-diagnose, determine how strong a dose of testosterone I received and which surgeries I wanted to pursue, no matter how extreme and no matter how many glaring red flags I purposefully dropped. The medical workers I met repeatedly reminded me that they were not there to act as “gatekeepers.”

I was able to instantly change my medical records to reflect my new gender identity and pronouns. Despite never being diagnosed with gender dysphoria, I was able to obtain a prescription for testosterone and approval for a “gender-affirming” double mastectomy from my doctor. It took only three more months (90 days) to be approved for surgery to remove my uterus and have a fake penis constructed from the skin of my thigh or forearm. Therapy was never recommended.

Critics might dismiss my story as insignificant on the grounds that I am a 53-year-old woman with ample life experience who should be free to alter her body. However, this argument for adult bodily autonomy is a standard we apply to purely cosmetic procedures like breast implants, liposuction, and facelifts, not “medically necessary” and “lifesaving” treatments covered by health insurance. Or interventions that compromise health and introduce illness into an otherwise healthy body. And especially not for children.

My story, which I outline in much more detail below, should convince any half-rational person that gender medicine is not operating like any other field of medicine. Based on a radical concept of “gender identity,” this medical anomaly preys upon the body-image insecurities common among pubescent minors to bill health insurance companies for permanent cosmetic procedures that often leave their patients with permanently altered bodies, damaged endocrine systems, sexual dysfunction, and infertility.

* * *

Detailed Timeline of Events

On October 6, 2022, I responded to my Ob-Gyn’s email to tell her that, after some thought, I’d decided that maybe the label “cis woman” didn’t truly reflect who I was. After all, I did have some tomboyish tendencies. I told her I would like my records to be changed to reflect my newly realized “nonbinary” identity, and that my new pronouns were they/them. I also voiced my desire to be put in touch with an endocrinologist to discuss starting testosterone treatment.

Fifteen minutes later I received an email from another Kaiser doctor informing me that my medical records had been changed, and that once my primary doctor returned to the office, I’d be able to speak with her about hormone therapy.

I responded the following day (October 7, 2022), thanking her for changing my records, and asking if she could connect me with someone who could help me make an appointment for “top surgery” (i.e., a cosmetic double mastectomy) because my chest binder was rather “uncomfortable after long days and playing tennis.”

She told me to contact my primary care MD to “get things rolling,” and that there were likely to be “preliminary evaluations.”

Six days after contacting my primary care MD for a referral, I received an email from one of Kaiser’s gender specialists asking me to schedule a phone appointment so she could better understand my goals for surgery, so that I could get “connected to care.” This call to review my “gender affirming treatment options and services” would take 15-20 minutes, after which I would be “booked for intake,” allowing me to proceed with medical transition.

This wasn’t an evaluation of whether surgical transition was appropriate, it was simply a meeting for me to tell them what I wanted so that they could provide it.

On October 18, I had my one and only in-person appointment in preparation for top surgery. I met in Davis with my primary care physician, Dr. Hong-wen Xue. The assessment was a 10-minute routine physical exam that included blood tests. Everything came back normal. Notably, there was not a single question about why I wanted top surgery or cross-sex hormones. Nor was there any discussion of the risks involved with these medical treatments.

The following week, on October 24, I had a phone appointment with Rachaell Wood, MFT, a gender specialist with Kaiser Sacramento. The call lasted 15 minutes and consisted of standard questions about potential drug use, domestic violence, guns in the house, and whether I experienced any suicidal thoughts. There were no questions from the gender specialist about my reasons for requesting a mastectomy or cross-sex hormones, or why I suddenly, at 52, decided I was “nonbinary.”

After the call, Kaiser emailed me instructions about how to prepare for my pre-surgery intake video appointment to evaluate my mental health, scheduled to take place on November 15. The email stated that prior to my appointment, I should research hormone risks on the WPATH website, and to “research bilateral mastectomy and chest reconstruction surgery risks and recovery” on Kaiser’s website.

I decided to request a “gender-affirming” double mastectomy and phalloplasty. Kaiser sent me a sample timeline for gender transition surgery preparation (see below) that you can use as a reference for the process. I also asked for a prescription for cross-sex hormones (testosterone) as needed and recommended by Kaiser.

[ Source: Kaiser Permanente, Top Surgery - EXPLORING YOUR SURGICAL OPTIONS ]

Pre-Surgery Mental Health Video Appointment, Part I

This “Mental Health Visit” assessment was conducted over Zoom. The Kaiser gender specialist started with questions addressing my marital status, race, gender identity, and other demographics. She asked whether I was “thinking of any other surgeries, treatments in the future.” The list she read included “gender-affirming” hysterectomies, bottom surgeries such as metoidioplasty and phalloplasty, vocal coaching, support groups, and body contouring. “Anything else you might be interested in doing?” she asked. I said that I’d perhaps be interested in body contouring. I was also assured that all the procedures would be covered by insurance because they were considered “medically necessary.”

I dropped in several red flags regarding my mental health to see the reaction, but all were ignored. For instance, I revealed that I had PTSD. When the therapist asked me about whether I had experienced any “childhood trauma,” I explained that I grew up in Mexico City and had been groped several times and had also witnessed men masturbating in public and had been grabbed by men in subways and buses. “I was a young girl, so [I had] lots of experiences of sexual harassments, sexual assault, just the kind of stuff that happens when you are a girl growing up in a big city.” “So, you know,” I finished, “just the general feeling that you are unsafe, you know, in a female body.”

The therapist did not respond to my disclosure that trauma could be the cause of my dysphoria. Instead of viewing this trauma as potentially driving my desire to escape my female body through hormones and surgery, she asked whether there is anything “important that the surgery team should be aware of” regarding my “history of trauma,” such as whether I’d be comfortable with the surgeon examining and marking my chest prior to surgery.

When asked about whether I had had any “psychotic symptoms,” I told her that while I had had no such symptoms, my mother had a delusional nervous breakdown in her 50s because she had body dysmorphia and became convinced she had a growth on her neck that needed to be removed. I told her that my mother was then admitted to an inpatient hospital for severe depression. I asked her whether she ever sees patients with body dysmorphia and whether I could have potentially inherited that from my mother. She told me that psychosis was hereditary, but that it was “highly unlikely” that there was any connection between body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria.

I enthusiastically waved more mental health red flags, waiting to see if she would pick up on any of them.

I’m just wondering if my feelings, or perseverating, or feeling like these breasts make me really unhappy and I just don’t want them anymore!...I’m just not sure if that’s a similar feeling to body dysmorphia? How do you decide which one is gender dysphoria and general body dysmorphia, and just not liking something about your body? Feeling uncomfortable with your body? And I did have an eating disorder all through college. I was a distance runner in college so I had bulimia and anorexia, you know. So I don’t know if that’s related to gender dysphoria?

The therapist replied, “I completely appreciate your concerns, but I am going to ask you questions about your chest, about your expectations. And then I’ll be able to give you an assessment.” She also said the main difference between my mom’s situation and mine was that my mom didn’t really have a growth on her neck, whereas it’s “confirmed” that I actually have “chest tissue.” Furthermore, she said that while “historically there has been all this pressure on patients to be like ‘Are you really, really sure you want hormones? Are you 100% sure?’ We are a little more relaxed.” She continued, “As long as you are aware of the risks and the side-effects, you can put your toe in the water. You can stop ‘T’ [testosterone], you can go back and do it again later! You can stop it! You can stop it! You know what I mean?”

Because we ran out of time, I scheduled a follow-up phone meeting on December 27, 2022 with a different gender specialist to complete my mental health assessment for top surgery.

Pre-Surgery Mental Health Video Appointment, Part II

During this meeting, Guneet Kaur, LCSW, another Kaiser gender specialist (she/her/they/them pronouns) told me that she regretted the “gatekeeping vibe” of the meeting but assured me that since I have been “doing the work,” her questions are essentially just a form of “emotional support” before talking with the medical providers.

She asked me about what I’d been “looking into as far as hormones.” I told her that I’d be interested in taking small doses of testosterone to counterbalance my female feelings to achieve “a feeling that’s kind of neutral.”

When she asked me about me “not feeling like I match on the outside what I feel on the inside,” I dropped more red flags, mentioning my aversion to wearing dresses and skirts.

I don’t own a single dress or a skirt and haven't in 20 years. I think for me it’s been just dressing the way that’s comfortable for me, which is just wearing, jeans and sweatshirts and I have a lot of flannel shirts and, and I wear boots all the time instead of other kinds of shoes. So I think it’s been nice being able to dress, especially because I work from home now most of the time that just a feeling of clothing being one of the ways that I can feel more non-binary in my everyday life.

She responded, “Like having control over what you wear and yeah. Kind of that feeling of just, yeah, this is who I am today. That’s awesome. Yeah.”

She then asked me to describe my dysphoria, and I told her that I didn’t like the “feeling of the female form and being chesty,” and that because I am going through menopause, I wanted to start taking testosterone to avoid “that feeling of being like this apple-shaped older woman.” “Good. Okay, great,” she responded, reminding me that only “top surgery,” not testosterone, would be able to solve my chest dysphoria. (Perhaps it was because all these meetings were online, they didn’t notice I’m actually fit and relatively slender at 5’-5” and 130 pounds, and not apple-shaped at all.)

She told me that we had to get through a few more questions related to my medical history before “we can move on to the fun stuff, which is testosterone and top surgery.”

The “fun stuff” consisted of a discussion about the physical and mood changes I could expect, and her asking me about the dose of testosterone I wanted to take and the kind of “top surgery” technique I’d prefer to achieve my “chest goals.” She told me that all or most of my consultations for surgeries and hormones would be virtual.

The gender specialist told me after the appointment, she would submit my referral to the Multi-Specialty Transitions Clinic (MST) team that oversees “gender expansive care.” They would follow up to schedule a “nursing call” with me to review my medical history, after which they’d schedule my appointment with a surgeon for a consultation. Her instructions for this consultation were to “tell them what you’re wanting for surgery and then they share with you their game plan.”

[ Decision-making slide to help me identify my goals for top surgery–flat chest, nipple sensation, or minimal scarring. Source: Kaiser Permanente, Top Surgery - EXPLORING YOUR SURGICAL OPTIONS ]

She told me that Kaiser has a team of plastic surgeons who “only work with trans and nonbinary patients because there’s just so much need for them.” She asked about my priorities for chest surgery, such as whether I value flatness over nipple sensation. I learned about double incision top surgery with nipple grafts, as well as “keyhole,” “donut,” “buttonhole,” and “Inverted-T” top surgeries.

By the end of the hour-long appointment, I had my surgery referral and was ready for my “nursing call” appointment.

Nursing call with Nurse Coordinator from the Transgender Surgery and Gender Pathways Clinic at Kaiser San Francisco

On January 19, 2023, I had my nursing call with the Nurse Coordinator. He first said that “the purpose of this call is just for us to go through your chart together and make sure everything’s as accurate as possible.” Once that was done, my referral would be sent to the surgeon for a consultation.

He asked me about potential allergies and recreational drug use, and verified that I was up to date on mammograms, pap smears, and colon cancer screenings, as well as vaccines for flu and COVID. I verified my surgical history as well as my current medications and dietary supplements.

He told me about a “top surgery class” available for patients where one of the Kaiser surgeons “presents and talks about surgical techniques and options within top surgery,” and includes a panel of patients who have had top surgery. I signed up for the February 8th class.

Within 10 minutes he told me that he had “sent a referral to the plastic surgery department at Kaiser Sacramento,” and that I should be hearing from them in the next week or two to schedule a consultation.

Appointment for Testosterone

On January 27, I had a 13-minute online appointment with a primary care doctor at Kaiser Davis to discuss testosterone. The doctor verified my name and preferred pronouns, and then directly asked: “So, what would you like to do? What kind of physical things are you looking for?”

I told her I wanted facial hair, a more muscular and less “curvy” physique, and to feel stronger and androgynous. She asked me when I wanted to start, and I told her in the next few months. She asked me if I was menopausal, whether I had ovaries and a uterus, although that information should have been on my chart.

The doctor said she wanted me to come in to get some labs so she could check my current estrogen, testosterone, and hemoglobin levels before starting hormones. Then “we'll set the ball in motion and you'll be going. We’ll see you full steam ahead in the direction you wanna go.”

That was it. I made an appointment and had my lab tests done on February 12. My labs came back on February 14, and the following day, after paying a $5 copay at the Kaiser pharmacy, I picked up my testosterone pump. That was easy!

Top Surgery Consultation

On the same day I received my labs, I had a Zoom surgery consultation with Karly Autumn-Kaplan, MD, Kaiser Sacramento plastic surgeon. This consultation was all about discussing my “goals” for surgery, not about whether surgery was needed or appropriate.

I told the surgeon that I wanted a “flatter, more androgynous appearance.” She asked me some questions to get a better idea of what that meant for me. She said that some patients want a “male chest,” but that others “want to look like nothing, like just straight up and down, sometimes not even nipples.” Others still wanted their chest to appear slightly feminine and only “slightly rounded.” I told her that I’d like my chest to have a “male appearance.”

“What are your thoughts about keeping your nipples?” she asked. “Are you interested in having nipples or would you like them removed?” I told her that I’d like to keep my nipples, but to make them “smaller in size.” She asked me if I’d like them moved to “the edge of the peck muscle” to achieve “a more male appearance.” I said yes.

I was asked to show my bare chest from the front and side, which I did. Then she asked me how important it was for me to keep my nipple sensation. I replied that it was important unless it would make recovery more difficult or there were other associated risks. She highlighted the problem with the free nipple graft, saying that removing the nipple to relocate it means “you're not gonna have sensation in that nipple and areola anymore.” However, some nipple sensation could be preserved by keeping it attached to “a little stalk of tissue” with “real nerves going to it,” but that would require leaving more tissue behind. I told her I’d go for the free nipple graft to achieve a flatter appearance. It was also suggested I could skip nipple reconstruction entirely and just get nipples “tattooed” directly onto my chest.

She told me I was “a good candidate for surgery,” and put me on the surgery wait list. She said that the wait time was between three and five months, but a cancellation could move me up to a sooner date. Also, if I wanted surgery as soon as possible, I could tell the surgery scheduler that I’d be willing to have any of the other three surgeons perform my mastectomy. Outpatient top surgery would cost me a copay of $100.

They contacted twice, in February and March, notifying me of cancellations. If I had accepted and shown up on those dates, they would have removed my breasts. This would have been less than five months from the time I first contacted Kaiser to inform them of my new “nonbinary” gender identity.

How Far Can I Go?

I decided to see how easy it would be for me to get approved for a phalloplasty. Known euphemistically as “bottom surgery,” phalloplasty is the surgical creation of an artificial penis, generally using tissue from the thigh or arm.

I sent an email on March 1, 2023, requesting to have a phalloplasty and concurrent hysterectomy scheduled alongside my mastectomy.

Two weeks later, on March 16th, I had a 16-minute phone call with a gender specialist to discuss my goals for bottom surgery and obtain my referral.

During the call, I explained to the specialist that I wasn’t sure about taking testosterone anymore because I was already quite athletic and muscular, and that taking testosterone didn’t make much sense to me. Instead, I wanted bottom surgery so that I wouldn’t feel like my “top” didn’t match my “bottom.” I told her:

But what I really wanted was to have bottom surgery. So this way when I have my top surgery, which sounds like it could be very soon, that I’ll be aligned, that I won’t have this sense of dysphoria with one part of my body and the other part feeling like it matched who I am. So yeah. So I just did a little bit more research into that. And I looked at the resources on the Kaiser page for the MST clinic and I think I know what I want, which is the hysterectomy and then at the same time or soon after to be able to have a phalloplasty.

I told her that I wanted to schedule the top and bottom surgery concurrently so that I wouldn’t have to take more time off work and it would save me trips to San Francisco or Oakland, or wherever I had to go for surgery.

None of this gave the gender specialist pause. After a brief conversation about some online resources to look over, she told me that she would “submit the referral now and we’ll get this ball rolling.”

Bottom surgery would cost me a copay of $200, which included a couple of days in the hospital for recovery.

Phalloplasty Surgical Consultation with Nurse Coordinator

On May 16, 2023, I had a short surgical consultation with a nurse coordinator to go through my medical history. This was similar to the consultation for top surgery but included information about hair removal procedures for the skin on my “donor site” that would be fashioned into a makeshift penis. They also went over the procedures for determining which donor site—forearm or thigh—was more viable.

After only 15 minutes, she submitted my referral to the surgeon for another surgical consultation.

On May 25 I received an email from my phalloplasty surgeon’s scheduler, informing me that they have received my referral and are actively working on scheduling, but that they are experiencing delays.

I ended my investigation here once I had the referral for the top and bottom surgery. I never used my testosterone pump.

Final Thoughts

In fewer than 300 days, based on a set of superficial and shifting thoughts about my gender and my “embodiment goals” triggered by the mere mention of “gender” in a form letter from my primary care physician, and driven by what could only be described as minor discomforts, Kaiser Permanente’s esteemed “multi-disciplinary team” of “gender specialists” was willing, with enthusiasm—while ignoring mental health concerns, history of sexual trauma, and rapidly escalating surgical requests—to prescribe life-altering medications and perform surgeries to remove my breasts, uterus, and vagina, close my vaginal opening, and attempt a complex surgery with high failure and complication rates to create a functionless representation of a penis that destroys the integrity of my arm or thigh in the process.

This describes the supposedly meticulous, lengthy, and safety-focused process that a Kaiser patient must undergo to embark on a journey to medically alter their body. No clinician questioned my motivations. No one showed concern that I might be addressing a mental health issue through radical and irreversible interventions that wouldn’t address my amorphous problems. There were no discussions about how these treatments would impact my long-term health, romantic relationships, family, or sex life. I charted the course. The clinicians followed my lead without question. The guiding issue was what I wanted to look like.

No other medical field operates with this level of carelessness and disregard for patient health and welfare. No other medical field addresses issues of self-perception with surgery and labels it “medically necessary.” No other medical field is this disconnected from the reality of the patients it serves.

Kaiser has traded medicine for ideology. It’s far beyond time we stop the ruse of considering “gender-affirming” interventions as anything approaching medical care.

This isn’t the first time Kaiser Permanente has been in the news for completely disregarding medical safeguards in the name of “gender-affirming care.” As girls, Chloe Cole and Layla Jane became convinced that they were born in the wrong body and were actually boys on the inside. Doctors at Kaiser ignored their underlying conditions and instead prescribed testosterone and removed their breasts. Both Cole and Jane have since detransitioned and are currently suing Kaiser.

The fact that children and vulnerable adults are being exploited in this massive ideological experiment is not just tragic; it’s deeply disturbing, especially considering it has evolved into a billion-dollar industry.

I hope that by sharing my story, I can bring more focused scrutiny to the medical scandal unfolding not just at Kaiser but also at medical centers and hospitals across the Western world. These institutions have completely abandoned medical safeguards for patients who claim to be confused about their “gender,” and I aim to awaken more parents and assist them in protecting their children.

--

==

This is completely insane.

Apologists online are running around saying, but she didn't mean it, she was lying, she was pretending...

It doesn't matter.

Any kind of security, penetration or integrity test is insincere too. When security researchers compromise Microsoft's operating system or Google's browser or whatever, "but they didn't mean it" is not a defence to a discovered security flaw. It doesn't matter that the security researchers didn't plan to steal data or money or identities. The flaw in the system is there regardless.

It doesn't matter that it was insincere. Because the workers didn't know that. They never checked, never asked questions, never tested. They had been taught and instructed to never ask any questions. They did what they were supposed to. And the system failed spectacularly. Because that's what "gender affirming care" means.

Additionally, the claim that Beth Bourne committed fraud is an outright lie. A patient cannot bill. They do not have the authority. The medical clinic is the only one that can bill, and they must supply a diagnosis and a medical necessity.

If they didn't diagnose her and just wrote down what she said, then they committed fraud. If they claim they did diagnose her, then they committed fraud, because the diagnosis they concocted was bogus. This, by the way, is actually going on. Clinics are reporting fake endocrine and other disorders to get blockers, hormones and other interventions. Jamie Reed and other whistleblowers have documented evidence of this. Beth Bourne is not responsible for what the clinic does. They have medical licenses and legal responsibility. Not her.

Additionally, anyone who actually read the article would know how she tested the system. She said things like, "I've always been not that feminine. So, maybe I get my boobs removed." And they said, "sure." Instead of saying, "wait, why do you think that?" Framing it as her lying is itself a lie. They violated their ethical obligations. That much is incontrovertible. And it's directly the result of "gender affirming care," where clinics and clinicians rubber-stamp anything deemed "trans" based entirely on ideological, not medical, grounds.

[palskippah]

Hi! There are role swap AUs of them already and I love them so much, so I tried making my own too! You should know that this is entirely self-indulgent like anything else I draw askdaslds

There is Mareach and Bowuigi bc yes alskdklasd and a tiny bit of one-sided Luaisy that leads to nothing because Luigi's a married man 😔

I had other drawings of them, but they're not colored yet and I wanted to share the idea already sjsjs

Here's some ideas for this AU!

-Mario's the Mushroom Kingdom Princess and his parents are the King and Queen. Luigi used to be the other princess, green princess or green princess Mario (as in, his bro Mario, not his last name Mario 😔), but he married Bowser and became the Queen of the Darklands :y Everyone in there respects and remembers his name, he's built a really good reputation for himself by simply being himself, in this house we believe in the 'Luigi is the Darklands' hero' hc too. Their aunt and uncles (and cousin) rule Sarasaland.

-(King boo's a Darklands ally but still hates Queen Luigi from that one time he wiped clean his mansion when the king kidnapped Mario. Luigi's scared of ghosts still too, but Junior always reassures him he's gonna beat them up if they try scaring his mama (I drew it actually, I'm gonna color it too!))

-When the bros were 20 Bowser at first tried kidnapping Princess Mario, and Mario was ready to beat his ass but they ended up talking about ally-making and ruling a kingdom as Bowser just got crowned king. Mario advised him to listen to his advisor and other stuff and by the time Luigi caught the koopa ship, ready to bonk Bowser in the head with his comically large hammer, the princess and king made plans of starting a treaty.

>Anyways, they met often after that when Bowser went to plan the treat with the Mario King and Queen. Luigi fell for Bowser and Bowser fell harder and Mario regretted talking to Bowser and should have instead just beat him up. He's happy for his bro though. When they married and had Junior and adopted the koopalings he decided that he was very happy that he talked to Bowser. He loves how happy Luigi is.

-Princess Mario accomplishes many things and excels at almost anything he tries, and all the toads treat him as a hero as well as a princess and all, so his dad doesn't think he's a failure, but still bothers him by urging him to get married ever since he turned thirty. He often compares him to Luigi, who got married at 23 and in the present had eight kids with his husband. Mario doesn't give a shit about marrying soon, but wished his dad would stop being annoying. His mamma is a sweetheart as always and often tells her husband to leave him alone. King Mario is stubborn as hell though (his two boys got that from him), so he doesn't.

-Peach and Daisy are cousins and they were trying to start a business together, though they weren't still sure about what (you know as Princess Peach and Daisy have many businesses together in canon aksdla), but before they could settle anything they somehow fell in the pipe and Peach landed in the Mushroom Kingdom and Daisy in the Darklands.

-Bowser still steals the Super Star, but in hopes of giving Luigi the coolest anniversary gift ever, as it's their seventh and all that. He very often gives him all sort of things, like great statues, many many dresses and all the stuff that he knows Luigi loves. Being the himbo he is, he's genuinely concerned that Luigi wouldn't like something unless it is completely new and has never been gifted to him at all. Of course, Luigi would love anything he'd give him, because Bowser's gifts are always made with love. By the end of the things, Luigi tells Bowser so and calls him an idiot affectionally, and also makes him return the Super Star. (movie-like, you know, since this is somehow a retelling alksdlasd)

-Based on what I read at discord, if you're who wrote it, pls know that i love your ideas jsjs- Bowser has set up many statues of Luigi that are of a nice stone color and has gems in its eyes to glow under the lava and the sun when it's out. Imagine that one Luigi render where he's got an arm raised and the other nicely by his side and he's smiling, that's the main statue of Queen Luigi sjjds. They contrast greatly against Bowser's, that were made to make his fierceness stand out, unlike Luigi's that highlight his kindness.

-In the piano scene, Bowser is playing and singing and Luigi's laying on his stomach over the piano's surface (no idea if that's possible but humor me alkdalsd) and listens with the most besotted expression ever, resting his face on his palms. When Kamek interrupts them Luigi's not mad or anything, but Bowser really glares at the magikoopa.

-Junior finds Daisy and brings her to the castle, in hopes that his mama and papa will help her, because they're the greatest people in the whole world and they can do anything.

-Daisy and Luigi quickly become friends, making Bowser jealous of the other human, especially because Daisy from time to time looks at Luigi as if she like-liked him. Not that he thought Luigi had eyes for anyone else beside him, but it was still annoying. And Diasy, for all she annoyed him, seemed to fully respect that Luigi was happily married.

-Daisy teases Bowser mercilessly too, at first clueless that she's supposed to be terrified and respect this guy like everyone else does (maybe Junior takes her to him first, and completely forgetting Junior's initial rambling about his family, she doesn't realize Bowser's the king, but when she meets Luigi, she sees his crown and fancy clothes and immediately knows she gotta be respectful to this guy. She doesn't know how royals are in this lava world, after all), but she keeps doing it, knowing the koopa king may look terrifying but he's mostly bark and no bite.

-DK and Mario are friends and they often meet up to beat the shit out of the other, or sparring as it's called, I think. The first time they did it, Mario got the cat power up and destroyed DK in front of the kong king and other kongs, and since then Cranky doesn't dislike Mario so much, and the others respect him greatly too.

-Mareach,,, they look at eachother and sparkles are in there too. Peach doesn't brutally throw Mario to the ground or anything, but he loses his breath anyways because of her beauty. Also, Mario's type is beautiful tall women (and tall idiot men, maybe his dad suggests DK as a husband and Mario's like ew dad, we're just friends. Or maybe... Donkareach... I like the fics that has them, but idk for this).

-Toad as a wingman, he doesn't care how obvious he is, he's gonna make Princess Mario and his new friend Peach be together, because they clearly like-like the other.

That's all I got for now askdalsd thanks if you read my ramblings, sorry if there's mistakes in writing.

I'm gonna color the stuff I got left and maybe draw more, but knowing myself I dunno if I will anytime soon 😔 Also I go back to college the next week sadly sjsjd

Got any thoughts on the AU? Tell cuz I'd love to know c:< but only if it's nice thoughts, I'm sensitive akdalsd

[hazbinhazmeinachokehold]

Lucifer x reader

Summary: The reader tries to make a cake for an anniversary on short notice. It goes as well as you might expect.

Not proofread!

Your anniversary with Lucifer was right around the corner. Lucifer was the king of Hell, or the “big boss” as he would say it. He could get almost anything he would want. And well sure getting a gift is required for an anniversary but it would still be better. At Least emotion-wise. But as the saying goes “What do you get a man who has every?” The answer you settled on? A cake. I mean it was something you can eat which served a purpose that he didn’t always have at hand. Well, he did, in fact, he could snap food up but this was the closest you were going to get.

The recipe was confusing but the only one with ingredients you had on hand. You didn’t have time to get extra ingredients at a store. You barely had time to make the cake itself. So while you weren't cutting corners with the cake itself you had to whip up some makeshift frosting. The cake had one layer and was shaped like an apple. 

You quickly got the cake out the second the timer beeped. After only slightly burning your hand you slapped it on the oven top. You got the frosting and slathered it on the cake. You quickly realized you had too much red frosting and not enough cream, green, and brown-colored frosting. It was sloppy looking. And both you and the kitchen were covered with frosting… That’s it there's not but.

Suddenly Lucifer came in. “Hello!” He loudly announced. You hunched over the cake trying to hide it in the process you smeared more frosting on your top. Great. He entered the kitchen and you could hear his feet land as he jumped back. “What happened here?” You heard his concerned voice asked. Just great. This is perfect actually. 

You turned around,” Supri- AH FUCK!” You tried to present the cake to him but that pan was hot to the touch. You half haphazardly placed it back on the stovetop. “Ahem sorry, surprise. I hope you like cake!” You cringed as the words fell out of your mouth. You presented the cake as you walked to the side. Lucifer gasped in surprise. You tensed until he smiled. Yes! You mentally fist-bumped.

He took a slice. “Isn’t it too hot?” You asked before it hit you what you just asked. You both snorted before he took a bite and his face scrunched up. 

“It's great!” He strained. 

You mentally prepared yourself and took a small bite out of the cake. Through the pain caused by the heat, you could tell it tasted terrible. “Well, this was a failure.” You hunched over.

“No no! I mean it… isn’t the best cake ever. But you taking the time to make it is enough to make a great cake and gift.” He said. A smile appeared on your face. This was small. He was just assuring you like he did constantly. But assuring you that just trying to make him happy was enough made something take over you. Tears appeared in your eyes. “Are you okay?” Lucifer asked, his eyes slightly wide with worry.

“No, I'm fine.” Your voice cracked, “I’m just happy.”

“Ah don’t get too happy just yet! Save that for when you see my gift.” He said before he snapped and you heard a loud thump. You turned around to see a statue of you and him that was a few feet tall.

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

[satosuguswife]

HIS SISTER | PROLOGUE

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Series Masterlist | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Epilogue

Pairing:

Poly!SatoSugu x Toji'sSister!OC

Summary:

A story about Tenka Zenin, the little sister of the man dubbed as the “Sorcerer Killer'' - Toji Fushiguro. Just like Toji, she is also blessed, or cursed based on how the Zenin clan sees it, with heavenly restriction.

Content:

Toji sibling fluff to angst, No SatoSugu yet, The Zenin clan being shit

Word Count:

2,059 words

A/n: feel free to request AUs for this through the asks :> if you want to be tagged for this story just leave a comment or ask

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Ten years after Toji Zenin was born, came a little girl. She was named Tenka - meaning heaven and flower. The clan hoped she would be better than her brother but to their disappointment, it was another failure. The Zenin clan all thought that except one - her brother. While the rest of the clan looked at her as another stain to their name, her brother saw otherwise.

At first, Toji just pitied the pile of flesh that was unfortunately born into the vile clan. But when he held her for the very first time, it was also the first time Tenka ever opened her eyes. Toji feared that she would cry the second she saw him but to his surprise, she giggled as she reached out her dainty little hands to him. It was at that moment that Toji saw her as his light.

Life was not kind to the two siblings as they suffered from the constant berating insults of their own clansmen and the disappointed stares of their parents. Although that did not matter as long as they had each other by their side. Unbeknownst to them, their time together would be cut short on his 14th birthday.

———

"Aniki!" The 4-year-old girl shouted as she ran into her brother's arms. "Look! I made you a flower crown made from the Azlea flowers that grew in the gardens for your birthday!" Tenka beamed at her older brother, proud of the gift she made him. Toji chuckled at his sister, grateful that she remembered his birthday. It wasn’t common for him to be noticed but that was one thing Tenka never failed to do; after all, they were each others’ world.

They walked through the clan grounds as Tenka babbled to Toji about random stuff she thought of. The sun soon set and painted the sky with hues of gold. Toji stopped by the stairs and sat on them while they watched the sunset.

"Aniki? What's your wish?"

Toji's eyes widened. No one has ever asked him what he wished for on his birthday or even any day. For once in his life, someone bothered to know what he wanted. He softly patted his sister's head and spoke. "I wish to see you happy and safe Tenten." Silence swept the air as the siblings didn't bother to speak a single word and enjoyed the peace, but little did they know it would soon be ripped away from them.

———

The eerie silence cuts through the night as an unknown man spoke with the head of the Zenin Clan - the father of Toji and Tenka.

“We’ll pay you any amount you want. All we need is the kid with the heavenly restriction.” 

“You can have the girl. She has no use for us anyways.”

The two men shook hands and sealed the deal that would forever change the lives of the two siblings for the rest of their life.

“Let go! Help me! Aniki! Please let go of me!” The cries of the young girl were left unheard as she was dragged away from the place she called home by men she knew nothing about. Marks of blood were left with every step she took from her wounded feet. Tenka struggled and tugged her arm, trying to break free from their grasp but it was all rendered useless.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the estate, Toji lay restless on his bed. ‘Why do I feel like something is wrong…’ he thought. He tossed and turned but to no avail, he still felt wide awake. Minutes passed until he finally decided to take a walk and see if Tenka was awake. It was not out of the ordinary for Toji to feel sleepless at night, which is why he brushed his suspicions aside. Unfortunately, he was sorely mistaken.

The moment he reached Tenka’s room, he realized then and there that he should have trusted his instincts the moment he had it. The room was a mess - the picture frame that held a picture of Toji and Tenka was now shattered on the floor with blood staining it. It seemed as if someone stepped on the broken shards of glass. Having seen this, Toji was now in a panic.

‘What happened?’

‘Where is Tenka?’

‘Is she safe?’

All these questions swirled inside the mind of the 14-year-old boy. Toji never feared anything - not his clan, not his brother, and not even his father, but for the first time in his life, he was terrified. He ran out of the room shouting his sister’s name, not caring whether or not he was bothering the people in the estate. He searched for hours but he never found her. He knew that his last resort in finding his sister was asking his father. He knocked on his father’s study and to his surprise, he was still awake.

“Come in.” a gruff voice came from behind the door.

Toji never liked his father and neither did Tenka but unlike her, Toji never hid his hatred for the man. The two glared at each other the moment Toji stepped in the room. Toji wasted no time and asked. “Where is Tenka?” Their father sipped on his tea, simply glared through his cup. Toji, irritated by his actions, jogged to his father and slammed his hands on the desk. “Answer me old man! Where the hell is Tenka?!” The older man set his cup down and stood up. “I sold her. She was useless anyways.” He spoke as if the girl that was sold off wasn’t his daughter.

Toji stood there in disbelief. He looked at the man before him with pure resentment. “Well? I answered your question, now leave.” The man dismissed his son without even taking a glance at him. Toji left with a heavy heart. If only he listened to that voice in his head, and now he is forced to live a life without the one and only person he cared for.

———

Screams and cries echoed through the room as men strapped down Tenka on a table. She thrashed as much as she could to try and escape her bindings but this all stopped once she felt a painful sting across her cheeks. Her hair was grabbed, forcibly turning her head toward her captor.

"Stop thrashing around little girl. You will never escape, for you will be my little secret weapon"

Tenka could only stare through her tears in horror at the madman who cackled about all the experiments he would do on her. All to form the deadliest human weapon in his disposal.She suddenly felt something pierce her neck and a groggy feeling washed over her body. No longer able to feel her limbs, Tenka had no choice but to slip into the inky void of unconsciousness.

For several years, Tenka was stuck in an endless cycle of suffering just so that she could be the perfect human weapon. The sorcerers that held her captive saw potential in a child that had heavenly restriction, especially one that had no cursed energy at all, because everything comes with a price. The price for having no cursed energy is heightened physical attributes. The group of sorcerers thought that the Zenin clan was stupid for ignoring the children that could open up new opportunities for them.

For days on end, they put Tenka into experiments that would leave her wishing to be in the arms of death. Dosing her with different kinds of poisons so that she could build immunity against it, grueling hours of harsh training that left her with large cuts and bruises, and even going so far as to give her meals that could rival the taste of wet rags covered in vomit. 

———

It has been 9 years since Tenka was taken from her clan’s estate and it felt like she had gone through all the 9 rings of hell during those years. Until one day, it seemed as if the gods finally heard her prayers for the past years because they at last brought someone to get her out of the hellhole.

It happened after Tenka had gone through the day’s experiments. As she laid unmoving on the cold floor of her cell, she heard shouts and screams from outside her cell door. “Someone has breached the facility, all security personnel are requested at the ground level immediately!” Tenka heard a guy shout through the intercom. Tenka’s eyes widened to this information. She dragged her battered body near her door and started slamming her fist against the metal. She called out for help, shouting for someone to save her amidst the chaos, despite her dry throat already screaming for her to stop.

Suddenly the door opened and all hope in Tenka’s eyes faded as it was the man in charge of her experiments that stood in front of her. He grabbed her by the collar and lifted her up, a sadistic grin plastered on his face. “You really think you can escape me little girl?”. The man cackled as he threw her to the ground and looked down at her. “You will never leave this place until I’m done perfecting you! Never–!”. His words were cut short as a blunt side of a katana hit the back of his head knocking him out cold. 

Tenka looked in fear, unsure whether he had good intentions or not,  at the man that stood before her with katana in hand. He looked as if he was in his late 30’s. He had black hair with gray eyes and was dressed in a black button up paired with black slacks. He crouched down and reached out to her, only to pull away once Tenka flinched. “Hey kid, let’s get you home hm?” He smiled while reaching her hand out to her. Tenka, once hearing this, immediately hugged him and cried in her arms - thinking she was finally saved.

The man could only look at her in pity after seeing her current state. The man walked through the facility, removing anything in his path just to make sure he brought this kid out of the building and into safety.

———

The middle aged man didn’t bother on reporting first to the higher ups about his mission. Making it his first priority to get home and take care of the girl. The moment he opened the door to his home, he was greeted by a gasp. His wife stood there in shock to see her husband carrying a wounded girl. She immediately rushed to them and ushered them in. “Oh my god! Is she alright? Are you injured?”. The man nodded. “I’m fine dear, but the girl… Can you help her?” He asked his wife, looking down at the child in his arms. The wife nodded and went to get supplies to help the young girl. The man walked to their spare room and laid the girl on the bed. He sat on a chair by the bedside, waiting for the woman to come in. The woman came rushing in and immediately tended to the girl. 

After tending the last of Tenka’s wounds, the woman sat and tried to talk to her husband on what happened to his mission. “Honey… What happened? Where did the girl come from?” she looked at him in concern as she put her hand on his thigh.

"I just found her there… they were keeping her – experimenting on her. Based on the files I got in their lab, it seems she has been there for 9 years, my love.." The man spoke in a sullen tone as pity paints over his wife's face. He gently but firmly held his wife's hand and looked her in the eyes. "Love.. you can say no to this but… is it okay for you to let us adopt her? This can also be a way for us to finally have the kid we always wanted…" His wife only smiled. "I'm fine with that, my love." The two looked at Tenka with a smile, ready to take care of her as if she was their own.

From that day forward, Tenka's life finally changed for the better. No longer will she wake up to the horrendous cycle she called life for the last 9 years as she was now with the two people who would bring her unconditional love and happiness.

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Series Masterlist | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Epilogue

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Taglist:

@cdej6

[tcfactory]

I was talking with someone the other day and it got me thinking about something.

I generally run with the idea that part of the reason why Luo Binghe became THE target for Shen Qingqiu's abuse was because Shen Qingqiu fell for the 'white sheep' routine. Like, it was a lot of things all together: coming to the sect at an unfortunate time (Shen Qingqiu was in a mental health freefall because he was at a bottleneck and struggling to form his core, and here comes Luo Binghe with his perfect aptitude who's expected to blitz through all of the hurdles Shen Qingqiu sweated blood to scale), the pettiness he felt towards Liu Qingge when he picked Luo Binghe out (another bitter association), Luo Binghe having Ning Yingying right away as a friend and support (who stuck with him even against her shizun's orders!!) when Shen Qingqiu was all alone, the jealousy that however briefly Luo Binghe had a loving mother

and the crown jewel on this cake was that Luo Binghe, despite having suffered the death of a loved one and poverty on the streets, still seemed like a naive little ray of sunshine. And no matter what Shen Qingqiu does to him, he remains pathetic and vulnerable in the way that makes kinder people want to take care of him and protect him.

Shen Qingqiu is not a kind man and he knows intimately that the world isn't kind either. Not to pathetic children who don't grow up with the power of a rich family to put them somewhere safe where they can become pathetic, maybe well-meaning maybe not adults. To him it's the harbinger of failure.

The Luo Binghe he sees after picking him up is not smart, not crafty in the way he expects a street kid to be. He's not driven (wanting to make his late mother proud... motivation like that ought to fade with the memories. In four or five years Luo Binghe won't even recall the face or voice of his beloved mother and then Shen Qingqiu will be left with a child with no drive whatsoever). All Luo Binghe has going for him is his bright eyed optimism and his servile nature (which cannot, should not last in a cultivator) and his exceptional aptitude, which is useless on its own.

I struggle to believe that Luo Binghe was the first on the peak who was naturally talented (Shen Qingqiu's ruined cultivation base put him so far behind that even with his hard work, he lagged behind Shang Qinghua whose cultivation is mediocre at best). Or the first to have a support network of friends or a loving family. And as much as Shen Qingqiu resented them for having these gifts that he didn’t, he never tried to destroy them the way he tried to destroy Luo Binghe.

Luo Binghe has all the tools of greatness and the hallmarks of failure all in one and it's that combination that triggers Shen Qingqiu's hate. Shen Qingqiu, in his rush to spite Liu Qingge, picked up trash that glitters. He can never admit to this mistake, so he decides that he's going to drive off Luo Binghe or destroy him, whichever happens first, because he can't imagine being stuck with this, this... pathetic little beast. One way or another, he will get rid of him before he can become a stain on Shen Qingqiu's reputation.

And we know how all of that turned out...

But what if he did see through it. Luo Binghe slipped up in his introduction and Shen Qingqiu immediately saw him for the white lotus that he was.

Shen Qingqiu knows the world, he knows its monsters and its beasts. So he looks at this child (not as weak and battered from his life on the street as others, the promise of strength and a bright future written in his meridians) pretending to be small and weak and pathetic and he's terrified.

Only the most dangerous predators pretend to be prey. He took a cuckoo into his nest, he accepted a wolf into his flock. Now it's his job to deal with it, before it grows fangs and bites the hand that feeds it.

He doesn't trust his martial siblings to listen to him on this, to hear him (unpleasant and sharp and biting, hated and hateful) out over the little beast (teary eyed and pathetic, pretty little thing you want to take home and keep safe).

He always did hide his fear the best with hate.

He will wear down this intruder until he can find out what his goal is and destroy him, before the beast can destroy them first.

It's almost a relief, when Luo Binghe stands on the edge of the abyss, his sheepskin torn and staring at him with the resentful eyes of a demon. It's the one moment when he doesn't hate Luo Binghe; he is a demon who will act as a demon does, as is his nature.

Pushing him into oblivion is

relief.

[buckysmith]

MW2 You're pregnant with his/her baby + birth (Keegan included) Part 2

Includes: John Price, Phillip Graves, Valeria Garza and Keegan P Russ

Warning: mention of miscarriage, slight nsfw in Valerias Headcanon

Captain John Price:

- You would notice it because of your period

- well- your non existing period

- you and price tried so many times to get pregnant and the last time you saw him was over two months ago

- You only saw him less than one hour, well at least it was a good one hour

- that one time you both just enjoyed the body from one another, couldn't be the time he gets you pregnant, could it?

- it could

- you're pregnant

- of course you're over the moon and back

- you would prepare your announcement about your pregnancy

- you would buy a cute military onesie and put it into a gift box

- the moment he comes home you would be way too nervous to tell him anything, mumbling bullshit to get him to sit on the couch and if it wouldn't be already awkward enough you would simply smack the present into his face

- he ofc would ask you if you're alright or if you have a stroke or something

- The only thing you would respond to him would be „gift"

- he would roll his eyes, not because of annoyance, no, because he finds it absolutely adorable (you don't know what about being an idiot from time to time is adorable)

- he would open it, just to close it again

- he wouldn't look at you, would open the present again and close it a few seconds later

- he would start to sob uncontrollably

- hug your big bear immediately

- he would cry so hard and pull you even more to him

- the whole pregnancy he would try his best, he would even stop to drink and smoke just for you and your baby

- he would be the one that drives you to Wendy's or

711 or McDonald's just to get whatever you want

- he once tried your pickle chocolate cake with bbq and ranch

- well- that would be the only time he's afraid of you

- honestly you scare him, what kind of iron stomach do you fricking have

- you both wanted a normal birth but your baby decided it wouldn't want to turn to the right position even with help so you would need a c section

- he's there the moment you fall asleep and the moment you wake up again

- he takes good care of his little ones :)

Phillip Graves:

- You both knew you both wanted kids, it was one of the things you both agreed on, on the first date

- He wouldn’t have dated you if you wouldn’t have wanted kids

- But you even though you both wanted kids you would wait at least to have children till you’re married

- after that, you both would try to get pregnant but somehow you wouldn’t get pregnant

- He would test him first to see if he’s the infertile one and after the test negative you would test if you’re the one

- He wouldn’t leave you after the doctors tell you that it’s almost impossible for you to have children

- He would comfort you, telling you that if you want you could adopt a kid

- you would see yourself as a failure, not able to bear his children

- He would try to tell you otherwise

- after a while you would feel very sick, you kept throwing up, you got annoyed easily, you had pain in your limbs and you wouldn’t know why

- you would ofc tell your husband about it and he would be very worried about you

- he would tell you to go see a doctor and you would do it after he got home (you had to wait a few days)

- after all the question the doctor asked you, he would ask you to lay down and to roll your shirt up so that he had access to your stomach

- he would tell you that you may have a tumor

- Phillip would held your hand in the minutes of uncertainty if you have tumor

- You would look at the monitor, shaking your head to what you can see

- the doctor would look at the monitor shocked

- graves would stand there not knowing what the fuck you both saw to get a reaction like that

- the moment the doc congrat you both he would understand

- he wouldn’t react to it, no smilie no tears, there would be just nothing just a stone cold Phillip graves

- he would open the back door of the van he owns, pushing you gently in it before closing the door and wrapping his arms around you just to bury his head in your neck

- that’s the moment he starts to sob and cry unconditionally

- you both would stay in that position for quite a while

- he would tell you how much he loves you and would tell you that over and over again

- he would love to lay his head against your tummy or to place his hands on it while standing behind you

- when you’re asleep he talks to his baby’s

- he would make a video tape for your baby, he would take a one minute video every single day, telling them anything that comes into his mind

- he wouldn’t only make it to have something to watch with you and your grown up kid

- no, sadly not. He would especially do that for the case he dies on one of his missions so that you and your baby has something to remember him

- but back to the cute stuff

- whatever you want he gives you. You want feet/back rubs? He’s got you. You want ice cream and French fries from McDonald’s in the middle of the night? He’s the first one to drive you there or to bring it to you

- he was protective over you way before but now with you pregnant it’s a whole new level

- You already owns two guard dogs thanks to him but now he wouldn’t allow you to leave the house at least not alone

- he is a workaholic but for he would try to give as much of his duty’s to someone

- he starts to pack the baby bag over three month before your due day

- he has every single thing planned, and for plan A there’s plan B and for plan B there’s plan C and going on

- He wouldn’t leave your side for one Second, no matter how long the birth takes place

- expect a lot of praises

- after the long and complicated birth he would hold you into your arms, with the baby laying on your bare chest with a light blanked covering you three so that no one would see you like that but him and god

Valeria Garza:

- She knew you wanted kids but ofc she can’t get you pregnant and she couldn’t imagine you being pregnant with someone else’s child

- you would whimper into her ear that you want her baby inside you and that would be the moment she realizes she can get you pregnant

- she would tell you her idea the next morning

- she can’t get you pregnant but she can give you one of her eggs

- so you both would decide which Baby daddy you both want and with some special docs and a whole fucking bible full of preparations to get you pregnant the doc’s would put her eggs inside you

- you prayed that at least one egg would make it

- yeah, not only one would make it, three would make

- so yeah, you’re the (un)lucky one with nig only one baby inside of you but three

- she would take good care of you the whole pregnancy

- not one of her henchman would see you the whole nine/ten month , only some very very very good “friends” of her and her family

- the moment you develop a baby tummy she would love to put her hands on your tummy or to lay her face against it

- while she does that she would mumble sweet things against it

- she would definitely “hit” your tummy playfully with one finger if one of your baby’s decides to kick you and scold them to not hurt you

- when you’re asleep she would talk to them

- she kisses your tummy a lot

- the birth would be quite complicated and very very long

- one of the baby’s wouldn’t lay correctly but because there’s three inside of you it’s a bit complex to turn it the right way

- but after a lot of trying, tears and her threating to kill the nurses and doctors the first baby would come out

- after 24 hours all three baby’s would lay inside their crib and you exhausted in Valeria’s arms with your head burried in her chest

- she would praise you a lot

Keegan P Russ:

- he wouldn’t have wanted kids in the first place

- he just couldn’t imagine himself to settle down even though you’re the one he loves the most

- he would tell you that he doesn’t want kids and even though you want one you would stay with him

- thanks to his job he isn’t at home most of the time but he would write you at least once a day and you would send him messages/ pics or videos

- a lot of your friends would start family’s so you would be around of baby’s most of your free time

- you would send him a lot of videos or pics that your friends made while you feed or played with the baby’s/ toddlers

- when he’s at home you don’t meet your friends to enjoy your time with him but somehow you would meet one of your heavily pregnant friends with their spouse

- he would quietly watching you both interacting with each other

- that would stay inside his mind for days

- in these few days he would imagine you with a tummy too

- Somehow it would warm his heart

- the last evening he has with you till he has to work again he would tell you about it

- you would tell him that if he doesn’t want kids that’s okay for you but he would shush you telling you that he wants kids

- you wouldn’t understand why he changed by you wouldn’t complain about it

- that evening would be the start of you having a baby

- you would get pregnant that time but sadly lose your in your forth month cause of a car crash

- no matter where he is when it happens, he’s home in less than 12 hours

- he would knew how much that loose affect you and would try to give you all the support you need

- he wouldn’t leave your side for months

- he’s sad too but ofc can’t imagine the pain you go trough and he knows that

- he would make your baby a little shrine

- he would ask you if you wanted to continue on having a child and at some point you would

- the second time you get pregnant he would try to stay as much with you as he can

- he would do anything for you

- there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to make you feel better

- the moment you both know that it’s in fact not only one child but two would make you speechless

- after a bit over nine months you would go into labor

- your pregnancy was easy compared to other ones and so is the birth of your baby’s

- he would stand by your side, but would ask you at some point not to break his hand with a smile on his face

- after “only” three hours you both would lay with your baby’s in the hospital bed

- that would be besides the day you married his happiest day

[transqueer4singlemoms]

TW: Suicide mentioned

Kim Kitsuragi: "Alright detective, what do you want from McDonalds?"

You: *Look up at the menu* "Hmmmmm..."

You: The dim light radiates off the electronic menu. A variety of items are shown, all affordable and seemingly very delicious. The items were all conveniently portable and could all easily fill your empty stomach. Burgers, chicken nuggets, fries.

[Perception, Sight-Easy: Success] Wait...Happy Meal?

You: Yes, a *Happy* Meal. It is a small children's meal inside a little red box with a big wide yellow smile. The contents seem to be just like any other meal on the menu yet something seems to draw you towards it.

[Inland Empire-Medium: Success] It's happy. The notion of finally feeling truly happy washes a wave of excitement over your worn body. It must be a gift from the gods.

[Drama-Easy: Failure] It seems to be the honest truth my liege. After all, who would lie to someone as cool as you highness?

You: "I want the Happy Meal with the hamburger"

Kim Kitsuragi: "Detective, you know that's a kids meal right?" one of his eyebrows raises "There's no way that would feed you. Get an actual meal" He points to the other side of the menu with all the normal sandwiches.

You: "No Kim, I want the Happy Meal. I haven't felt happy in so long."

Kim Kitsuragi: His lips begin to open in attempts to correct you but quickly close, looking back to the cashier with a audible sigh.

Kim Kitsuragi: "One number 5 and one...Happy Meal."

McDonalds Cashier: "Girl or boy toy?"

[Authority-Trivial: Success] A boy toy? Yeah, that would definitely affirm your masculinity.

[Rhetoric-Trivial: Success] Or a girl toy, it's ok to experiment. Don't always have to be a patriarchal pig.

You: "I want a boy toy"

McDonalds Cashier: "Alright, that'll be 12.34 reál."

Kim Kitsuragi: Reaching into the pocket of his jacket he pulls out a small leather wallet. He withdraws the requested amount and hands to the cashier.

Kim Kitsuragi: "Keep the change," he turns to you moving his head sideways to motion to the tables.

Kim Kitsuragi: "Come on detective. Let's sit down."

You: You follow him to the red cushioned booths, sitting down into the soft seating. Years of use have cracked the faux leather exposing the yellowish stuffing inside. Kim seems to be reviewing his notebook occasionally looking up at you to see what you are doing. Sticky stains have been left on the table keeping you down to it.

McDonalds Cashier: "Um...Kim Kit-sor-ag-ee?" he scratches his arm as he places the greasy brown paper bag and the bright box at the counter

Kim Kitsuragi: There is a look of slight annoyance on his face as he walks up to the counter to grab the food. Bag in hand he sits down placing the bag on the table. Reaching inside he grabs the wrapped up burger and box of fries pushing the Happy Meal towards you

You: This is it baby. You ecstatically grab it tearing it open to release its items. First there's the burger wrapped up neatly in disposable plastic, then the small fries, then questionable apples, then finally the small toy. It appears to be a baby blue bear made out of hard plastic, cheaply made and can only be barely considered a toy. [Authority-Easy: Success] Oh yeah. That's the most manly thing you've ever seen. Don't you feel good?

[Inland Empire-Easy: Success] No you don't. This isn't really making you happy. Maybe you should just stop eating?

You: No! Maybe the burger makes me happy.

You: Desperately you grab the sandwich and unwrap it. It looks like shit. Almost like someone threw it together then stomped on it. This isn't looking promising.

You: It's an easy task to sink your teeth into the stale buns. Nothing goes together. For starters the pickles taste like sour rubber. Grinding in between your teeth the artificial cheese and low quality meat is making you cringe. You still feel the exact same. What a let down.

[Inland Empire-Easy: Success] You'll never be happy again. If this can't do it, nothing can.

[-1 Morale]

[Electrochemistry-Easy: Success] Of course there's away. You just gotta party more.

[Volition-Challenging: Success] No. That's definitely not the way to go about it. Maybe pick up a new hobby? Go have fun with friends.

[Logic-Trivial: Success] You have no friends. All of them are dead. Idiot.

[-1 Morale]

[Half-Light-Trivial: Successful] Maybe you should just kill yourself. Endless abysmal silence would do some wonders.

Volition: No not that either! You have got to have some friends! Even one!

Half-Light: Like who?

[Encyclopedia-Heroic: Failure] Ummm...

[Electrochemistry-Heroic: Failure] Shit...

[Logic-Heroic: Failure] Hmmm...

You: Suddenly you feel flesh on your hands and look up. It's Kim, looking extremely concerned at you.

Kim Kitsuragi: "Harry! Are you ok? You dropped your burger and just started shaking and crying." he leans back resting her hands on the table anxiously looking at you

[Esprit De Corps-Heroic: Success] Its him.

You: What?

Esprit De Corps: This is your friend. You're only friend. Through lows and highs he has been there for you. After everything he's seen he's still there. Despite being forced to be with you, there is a bond. Genuine, human bondage.

[+3 Morale]

You: "Yeah...I'm fine Kim."

Kim Kitsuragi: "Im glad." He sighs relieved and smiles faintly at you

You: You manage to crack the Expression again. Thankfully not suggestively. It just seems to be the only way you can psychically show true joy.

[pendragon1400]

I need to rant about Gale for a moment. Long post and spoilers incoming.

I love Gale, but more importantly I really relate to and understand Gale. I have not seen a person in media who so accurately depicts what happens to gifted kids before Gale. The kid that had no friends, because no one wanted to be friends with the class pet/ know it all. The kid who felt pressure to be perfect, bc that was the only time they got praise was when they succeeded. The kid who loved to learn, and was looked at by peers as weird when they tried to show everyone else what they learned.

Gale feels like he is very annoying at times, he feels this way bc he was told that he was annoying. He often comments on how he talks too much, bc other people told him to shut up. Gale feels the need to be perfect, strive for more power over the weave bc that's the one thing he sees as his redeeming feature.

This resonated so much with me. I started reading early, I would read twenty books from the library in the span of a week, and go back for more. I thought that knowing things was cool and would make people like me so I info dumped on everyone around me. I was not funny, I was not cool, I had no friends and was often told to be quite. The one thing I could pride myself on and was praised for was my straight As.

This came crashing down in college when I was in tears over a A- for a final grade. This was than made fun of.

This is one of the reasons I love Gale so much, not just as a romance option, but as a character. I used to watch these heroes or 16 chosen ones and think "I could never react that way, I can't do be that hero." But, with Gale I see why he did things, understand his reactions. It also adds a deeper layer to the romance for me, bc I have felt that soul crushing failure, the fear of being rejected again and I want to reassure Gale that he has nothing to prove for anyone. In every interaction Gale holds his breath for you to turn him down, reject him or tell him he is being to clingy. He wants to love deeply, but is afraid that it will be one-sided again. Just like with Mystra, and the other relationships he had in the past. Gale says that no-one really came to check on him when he locked himself in the tower apart from some wizards, and then they stopped coming. The man is used to be turned down or abandoned when he is not the model of magical perfection.

Also it feels nice to romance someone who will listen to you fact dump about animals or mediaeval society to them, and not only engage in the conversation but also info dump back at you.

[heejayy]

Eren Y. || Why we should have a baby…

Warning • mentions sex? Unexpected pregnancy,

Genres • crack, lil angst, fluff

Pairing • Eren Yeager x black fem! reader

Wc: 732

“Ok boom here’s why we should have a baby” you exclaimed turning on your tv to show the PowerPoint you made. You extended your pointer pointing to the title screen with a wide grin on your lips.

“What is this y/n?” Eren asked looking unimpressed. For the past two weeks, you’ve had a severe case of baby fever. Everywhere you go know you can’t help but see a baby and then you proceed to bug Eren to put one in you.

“Since begging you won’t work I’ll show you the pros and cons of having a baby. And we’ll see which one outways the other” you smiled clicking the next button on the computer so he could see it on the TV.

“We’ll start with the pros” you smiled “as you know I’ve always said I wanted a kid and maybe even more than one. I love kids- well sometimes but they can be really great. Also, they’re adorable! With their chubby cheeks and cute little feet and noses and eeekk,” you squealed at the thought of having one of your own.

“Ahem” Eren coughed trying to bring your attention back to him. “This isn’t very convincing sweetie” you sighed clicking the next slide which had ‘Money’ typed in bold green letters.

“Ok now I’m listening” he smirked sitting up from his man-spreading position, you just rolled your eyes. “Money is a big issue when having children but! We both come from pretty well-rounded family’s who would die to have a new baby to spoil, I mean the last baby my family had was me and I’m pushing 30!”

“Babe you’re 24” Eren deadpanned as he corrected you, “same thing” you shrugged waving him off.

“Anyways back to the point, they would spoil them rotten! And give us” you said pointing between you and him “everything we need to take care of them plus more, even your mom said she’s ready for us to have children.”

“Y/n my mom wanted you to have my baby the day she met you” you snorted. “She loved you before you spoke two words to her” he chuckled reminiscing on the time he brought you to meet his parents.

“Ok ok, next slide” you said pressing the next button which was tilted ‘A loving family ’ with a heart next to it. “As you know my mom and dad got divorced when I was young, I stayed with my mom but she was never around much due to work and when she was she was just pestering me about how much of a failure I am compared to her or my siblings” Eren’a face fell, he was well aware you didn’t have a good relationship with your mom which made him quite sad.

“My dad, on the other hand, he is great and I love him but he left and made a new family- what I’m trying to say is…maybe the only reason I want a baby is to build something I never had which was a loving close family. I want to make our baby feel the love I wish I received. I want to love them gently not neglect them and say it’s tough love.” Eren got up from the couch and walked over to you.

“Awe baby come here” he brought you in for a tight hug and kissed your head. He rocked you back and forth letting you cry silently in his arms.

“Are you trying to guilt trip me into giving you a baby?” He asked jokingly. You chuckled pulling away wiping your tears.

“No I would never do that!” you sniffled “I know I’ve been annoying the last few days I just didn’t know how to tell you I was ready to take the next step in our relationship.” He nodded wiping your cheeks.

“Alright let’s compromise” he took your hand guiding you to the couch “let’s say in the next 6 months if you still wanna have a baby we will, it’ll be an anniversary gift” he joked making you to laugh again.

“Alright deal” You said shaking his hand. You sat in his lap as he held you kissing your cheek and forehead repeatedly.

“Oh and by the way…I’m pregnant” you blurted out as you got up running to the bedroom.

“What- HUH?!”

AOT Masterlist

©heejayy 2022 — any reposts or translations of my works are strictly prohibited unless granted permission.

[son1c]

y'all don't even know about what happens after fibula encounters femur that first time... because, like, sure, he runs away from her. he flees the graveyard and disappears into the woods because he can't bear to face her.

but he doesn't go back to eggman. he can't. he's panicking too much to think straight. stumbling through the trees, overwhelmed by a cavalcade of emotions brought forth by seeing his sister again. he thought she was dead, but she's not. he thought, if she was alive, that she wouldn't care about him anymore. but she does. clearly--since she was visiting his grave, and leaving him gifts.

fibula is CRASHING through the woods, making so much noise and not caring at all about how many plants he's trampling underfoot. the flickies are pissed. he doesn't care. he doesn't even see them.

all he can see is his sister's face--older. her eyes, confused. because she doesn't recognize him.

and it hits him all at once the situation that he's in. undead. stitched together with chaos energy and mechanical legs. a monster. he never cared before. in fact, he actually thought it was pretty cool to be a monster. but his own sister's failure to recognize him causes his still heart to twist painfully.

is this really right? everything he's done since being revived, all the torment he's caused and ENJOYED causing... he's rethinking it now that he's seen femur again. because even though being a menace has made him happy, what would his sister think? would she be disappointed? or, worse...

would she be afraid of him?

the thought of it causes him choke and stumble, and by this point he's made enough of a ruckus to attract the attention of a certain blue hero... who of course, starts on a quip about how he wasn't planning on kicking any zombie butt today, but...

and then sonic sees The Absolute State(TM) that fibula is in, and whatever he was going to say dies in his throat. cuz he's seen a lot of stuff, but one of his enemies crying their eyes out? gotta say, this would be the first time. meanwhile, fibula is NOT EXCITED about running into sonic, because spilling so many tears--which are actually just liquefied chaos energy, aka the stuff KEEPING HIM ALIVE--has left him exhausted, and he doesn't think he has any energy left to fight.

and he's right! because he collapses shortly after sonic steps closer, his ears perking up curiously after fibula chokes out something about his sister... and when he wakes up some time later, he finds himself strapped to another metal table (different from the one eggman revived him on).

as it turns out, fibula's little "face down in the dirt" stunt from earlier made sonic think he was dead. like DEAD dead, for real this time. so, our favorite blue hero dragged fibula back to tails' lab to see if he could fix it. (tails, of course, was baffled by the situation, but a chance to examine eggman's handiwork up close could be useful regardless of the fact fibula is less tech and more flesh than most things the doctor works on.)

immediately, fibula tries to break free, but tails has that shit locked down, so the restraints don't budge. then, fibula remembers seeing femur earlier, and resigns himself to laying on the table. it's not that he's given up, it's just... this might be the worst day of his life (and the competition is pretty steep, so that's really saying something).

meanwhile, tails isn't sure what to do. by this point, he's noticed that fibula is awake, but sonic isn't around--he ran off once it was clear that tails had the situation under control--so he doesn't have his big brother to guide him. and he doesn't even really know fibula. since this is the first time they're directly interacting (before this, all tails would've heard was wild tales from sonic, amounting to nothing more than spotty secondhand knowledge).

and the thing is, fibula has no idea who tails is either. all he can see is that he's a kid. and fibula has a very strict rule against hurting kids (because they remind him of his sister. who is apparently still alive. and doesn't recognize him. oh, man--)

fibula forces himself to say something. "you don't look like you work for eggman," probably. with his typical snark, but it lacks its usual bite.

tails would scoff. an astute observation from the guy who was clinically dead a few minutes ago, he thinks. then, he tells fibula that he doesn't work for eggman, because he's on the opposite team.

that makes fibula grimace. great. so, he's strapped to an ENEMY'S table. and then he remembers running into sonic after having his little freakout in the graveyard, and everything starts to make a little more sense.

and of course THAT is when sonic saunters back in, probably with a snack in hand like, "how's it goin' in here, tails?" all casual-like. but he Knows. and fibula knows that he knows. and fibula is DETERMINED to act like nothing happened and sonic didn't see ANYTHING and nothing is wrong. so he instantly snaps back, because now he can focus on being a jerk again instead of whatever awful feelings have been brewing in his gut since last night...

and tails watches. he watches as fibula and sonic bicker and comments on fibula's strange state of not-life, not-death but fibula ignores him on purpose... until tails gets fed up and states bluntly that maybe he shouldn't've revived him, even though sonic asked, cuz he's so mean.

and there's half a second where fibula has nothing to say. SONIC helped him? even though they're enemies? but then fibula sneers at sonic and says "your mistake."

and sonic has that fucking look in his eye... you know... the one where he thinks he knows everything. the "we'll see about that"-type look. and fibula hates it so much because it just adds to his Inner Turmoil(TM). like, he's evil now! he's evil! and bad! and a no-good, rotten hedgehog!

and he's also strapped to a table. and owes his not-life to a tiny little fox, apparently.

and for the first time since sonic showed up, fibula looks at tails. he looks him right in the face with his unsettling orange eyes that shouldn't be. and he says, "your big bro thinks he's got it all figured out. but you're the smart one, i can tell. so i'll take your word over his."

and tails kinda like... falters. cuz he wasn't expecting that? and fibula doesn't realize it, but what he said reveals a lot of his inner conflict to tails. cuz he's right... tails IS the smart one. and when tails eventually lets fibula go, and fibula scampers back to the empire, tails is left wondering about fibula and his cracked facade

[sky-kiss]

Sending prompt for Dadphael! Maybe the kids getting in trouble but Raphael is low key proud they managed to pull it off. I just need Dadphael in my life and I love baby Orin.

A/N: I can do this. Not the best, but hopefully you chuckle.

Dadphael: He Shouldn't Be Surprised, He Robbed His Dad Too

Raphael's first reaction is blinding rage. A voice in his head screaming how has it come to this? How, in the name of the gods above and below, by all of Asmodeus' grace, could his spawn have been so colossally, unequivocally stupid?

His second reaction is begrudging respect. 

He settles somewhere in the middle, screwing his eyes shut and pinching the bridge of his nose. In the most even tone he can manage, the devil says, "Explain your vision."  

Orin's brow furrows. In contrast to her brother, who has adopted an expression of absolute contrition, his daughter seems to weigh her answer. Her expression shifts, visibility reactive to the path of her thoughts: confusion, desperation, irritation, all in quick succession. 

She settles on a petulant. "Haarlep?" 

"Are you naming your inspiration? Or enquiring after the source of your damnation?" 

She turns her nose up, crossing her arms over her chest. "Both." 

"Mm, then, in the spirit of fair play," he steps forward, linking his hands at the small of his back. "Yes. They sold you out. Let this be a lesson to you, pet: trust carefully. Better yet, trust none but me." The impudent little thing snorts. Raphael holds his hand out, "And now, an explanation is in order: why have you robbed me?" 

Carlyle steps forward, the pilfered item in question held before him. Orin favors her brother with a look. It is so simultaneously venomous, and so pleading that the boy cannot fathom how to proceed. "We meant to return it, Father, truly. But Korilla would not allow us near portals…" 

"With excellent reason." 

"...and we needed the scroll to contact an associate on the Prime Material." 

"Why." 

"Don't tell him, stupid," Orin hisses.

But Carlyle is determined to come clean, his sense of fair play and respect for his sire winning out over whatever fear his much smaller sibling might inspire. He hands the scroll of dimension door back to Raphael, standing tall and proud. "A gift, father. Haarlep gave us the location of one of your preferred artists. We'd hoped…" he shrugs, attempting a smile. And it is fundamentally strange to see his own expression reflected at him, all on the face of himself in miniature. "To commission something." 

The idea reeks of sentiment rather than bloodlust. Carlyle's idea, then, not Orin. Raphael eyes the pair, suspicious, irritated. "And how did you intend to pay for this work?" Orin produces a back of coin from her pocket, grumbling as she hands it over. "Ah. Is there anything else I should expect to find missing?" 

They answer as one: "No, my duke." 

"And you know better than to lie to me, yes?" 

"Yes, father." 

"Off with you then, little failures. Consider what you might have done to succeed. Learn from this." He is feeling magnanimous, infernal wine still heady in his system, a night of potential pleasure stretching out before him. Let them take this as a lesson and be done with it. 

A decision he comes to regret later. 

The little shits are, in fact, acting as a distraction. Haarlep has slipped from the House (also highly against protocol). Haarlep contracts the artist for the little beasts, and they present their gift to him a month later, beaming and unrepentant. 

He is caught entirely off guard, delighted and horrified in equal measure. Conniving wretches! Little thieves! They beam at him, a united front, unrepentant and full of potential. 

He still sends the little shits to their room without supper and confines them to their wing of the House for the next month. 

He's proud but too petty to pass up seeing the look of betrayal on their little faces.

[beatrixstonehill2]

"I'm a bit nervous but still pretty excited. My parents always raised me to believe it's a woman's job to please her man no matter what. If your bf is into big tits, you better grow bigger boobs or get the biggest implants you can stuff into them! Is he into fat girls? You better pile on all the weight you can for him. My friend Marcy dated a guy who was really turned on by girls with no arms or legs. She didn't hesitate for a minute to pop into the nearest surgeon and ask to have her limbs removed, despite being a gymnastics coach. I always admired any girl with that level of dedication and would feel like a failure as a woman if I couldn't reach the same standard.....

So, when I met Josh four months ago, and on our first date he confided he had a fetish for girls who get so pregnant they pop, my heart skipped a beat! Maybe..... this was like my ultimate test to prove how devoted I am to pleasing men and being a proper, good girl? I consulted with my parents and they were shocked I even thought the need to get their blessing. Sure enough a day later and my bf tells my doctor to put me on Femruptarin. My doctor looked very pleased about this, telling him he was a very lucky man, and to expect me to blow up in seven to eight months and enjoy the show. That he better flaunt me and show me off the whole time I'm pregnant. He promised he would, and that this isn't his first rodeo with bursting a girl by a long shot. I'm his tenth..... The whole time my bf and doctor never addressed me directly or asked my permission. I was perfectly womanly, acted on as an object for others' pleasure and nothing more. Like how Marcy existed to become her bf's limbless, breeder sex slave I exist to burst like a balloon for Josh.

I'm technically only about three and a half months pregnant and look at the size of me! I'm as big as a house. My womb is stuffed to the bursting point already and I'm tiny compared to how big I'll be by the time I fulfill my womanly duties for Josh and pop. True to his word, Josh trots me around town dressed in ludicrously skimpy clothes, showing me off, offering my body to men, since my body is technically his to give out! He makes me perform the wildest sex acts in public and I have to admit it is a lot of fun, and I do climax quite a lot before the crowds of people that gather, but my pleasure is not what's important..... Even if it is amazing to be sprawled out naked before a huge crowd, serving five cocks at once, my puffy, swollen pussy brutalized so utterly I squirt like a fire hydrant across the paved walkways of the local park. I love to be ravaged and fucked so savagely by random men, it's so very thrilling, I feel blessed to become Josh's girlfriend, even if it'll only last another five or six months if we're lucky.

Then I'll put on my best show yet for my community, and pop in front of them all, my uterus at last tearing and giving way as I shower my offering of twenty-some kids before my watchful audience. Free gifts for them to raise into the future devoted girlfriends and wives of our fair town..... It's so fulfilling to serve such an incredible man like Josh and be given the opportunity to be used as the community's personal receptacle for pent up sexual aggression. I hope Josh's next girlfriend is just as eager to burst for him, and he gets to indulge his fantasies with many, many more girls after her! Bursting is such a true sign of devotion that I'm positively blessed to be given the chance to give my body to do it for a guy!"