#give me an hour and google docs and I will post

[aloraaki3]

y'know what, fuck it.

I AM GOING TO WRITE A FIC SO OBSCENELY NON CANON THAT NO ONE WOULD EVEN THINK TO READ IT AND I DON'T CARE

[many-gay-magpies]

I Wish To Explode

[caterpillarinacave]

Hello! Could you please publish a mea culpa snippet when you have the time? I'm really loving it!

He knew, vaguely, that his stomach was still turning; that his head and chest ached, that every muscle was screaming, and that cold still clung to every inch of him. He was somewhat aware that something was very, very wrong; it just felt so far away, as if it was happening to someone else, someone who could most certainly not be him.

-WIP Snippet, Mea Culpa, Chapter ???

[irondad-creator-awards]

And The Finalists Are... Part 1

The 2024 Story Finalists Are Now All Bookmarked And Added To The Collection - Or Permission Requested.

Best Multi-Chapter

A Sky Full Of Stars By Olliecollie

Broken Mirrors And Fragile Things By Evienyx

Dark Matter By Mysterycyclone

Get Off My Lawn, Or I'll Turn The Hose On You By Bergen

Leap Of Faith (Catch Me If You Can) By Erinwantstowrite

Best One-Shot

How To Get Banned From Monaco (Again) By Niniblack

King Of The Interns By Isadancurtisproduction

Moonstruck By Jaworley

One More Time By Bluesweatshirt

The Shoe Shining Business Is Booming By Bergen

Best Drabble

Christmas With You By Badass_Bookworm

Peter Parker Needs A Hug By Happyaspie

They Happen Because Of You By Diamondshard143

Walk To The Parkperseus By Phoenix_Black61

Best Plot Twist

Dark Matter By Mysterycyclone

The Hoax By Happyaspie

Occupational Hazard By Bergen

Delete That Footage By Iron_Spider

Identity Saga By Kitcat992

Best Biodad

All I've Waited For (Where You Belonged) By Jaworley

For We Are Bound By Symmetry By Kingdomfaraway

I Believe I'm Lacking Some Context By Bergen

Men Of Iron By Spdrmain

The Moon And Stars (And Gummy Worms Where They Shouldn’t Be) By Jaworley

Best Worlds Colliding

4.2 And Running In Circles (Don’t Give Up Kid, I’m Here) By Jaworley

Heir Of Stark Industries By Inkinmyheartandonthepage

King Of The Interns By Isadancurtisproduction

Peter Parker Would Like It On Record That He Didn't Know About The Google Doc Robin07

Peter’s Tony By Mswinifredquale

Potluck By Mswinifredquale

Best Hurt/Comfort

If You Find That You Feel Lost, I'll Be Your Ticket Back By Kingdomfaraway

Peter Begins : The Lost Episode By Peterparkersbff

Take All Your Chances While You Can By Theregularwriter

To Be Built Back Up Again By Fotibrit

Tony Stark Is Humandetective_Sarcasm

Best Homeless

Leap Of Faith (Catch Me If You Can) By Erinwantstowrite

Dark Matter By Mysterycyclone

Hierarchy Of Needs By Bergen

Broken Mirrors And Fragile Things By Evienyx

Occupational Hazard By Bergen

Best Adoption

Hierarchy Of Needs By Bergen

Fostering Hope By Happyaspie

7 Times Peter Starts To Realize He Has A Family + The One Time He Knows He Does Jaworley

100 Hours (Community Service Is For The Turtles) By Orphanaccount

But Don't Give Up (Just Hold On Tight) By Olliecollie

Best Fix-It

A Lapse In Memory By Inkinmyheartandonthepage

Broken Mirrors And Fragile Things By Evienyx

The Fifth Stage Of Grief By Bergen

Tis The Damn Season (For A Christmas Miracle) By Peacockgirl

Try, Try Again By Mak5258

Best 5+1

5 Times Peter’s Metabolism Screwed Him Over By For_The_Night

7 Times Peter Starts To Realize He Has A Family + 1 Time He Knows He Does By Jaworley

Make Yourself At Home By Happyaspie

The Iron Dad Protocol By Peacockgirl

What Means The Most By Mswinifredquale

NOTE: Sorry for the split posts. Tumblr wouldn't let us post as one.

[bunnysbrainrot]

Bunny's Masterlist

Hi everybody! Below you'll find my works organized by fandom and character. Take a peek at the new WIP category - stay in the loop on what's coming up, and if it's not something you're itching to read, send in a request!

Supernatural: Dean Winchester: If You Change Your Mind - Ch. 1 If You Change Your Mind - Ch. 2 If You Change Your Mind - Ch. 3 Back Seat Guessing Game (ft. Sam) He Wants To Watch (ft. Sam) Discreet A Lesson in Manners

Sam Winchester: Keep Watching No Vacancy - Day One No Vacancy - Day Two No Vacancy - Day Three Guessing Game (ft. Dean) He Wants To Watch (ft. Dean) Size Matters Research Sinners (Teaser)

Crowley: Your Rightful Place Fitting Room Vices and Virtues

Castiel: Obedience at Its Finest (Lucifer!Cas) Vices and Virtues

The Last of Us: Joel Miller But I'm Better (Series, DBF!Joel) Blood Flow Daddy's Girl The Real Thing Our Little Secret

Too Sweet (Series, Jackson!AU) Bourbon and Mead Unspoken Rules Friendly Competition

The Walking Dead: Negan Smith: Easy Access

Other: Pedro Pascal: Sway Coat Check

Sinners (Full) - Sam Winchester x Reader Unlike Your Brother - Sam Winchester x Reader A Lesson In Manners - Dean Winchester x Reader Step by Step - Dean Winchester x Reader

Requests are open! Be aware that if the request is incredibly long, oddly specific, or awkward it may be altered or unused. Some past requests have been questionable, gross, or illegal and I have no intention of immersing my brain in that for hours [*thousand yard stare*]

But, I digress!

Thank you for all of your support, as always. It means so much more than you know! If you have a request or simply want to say hi, my inbox is always open! Daily life impedes quite a bit, but I'm incorporating writing whenever I can. Feel free to give me some creative homework!

Also, check this link to see who I write for, and this link if you'd like to be tagged in future posts! The latter will be a lengthy process to finish, but I'm going to give it a shot! There's gotta be an easier way than doing this with a Google doc, right?

Here's to our lil' family, and to more fanfiction!

xoxo - Bunny

[the-way-astray]

The Ultimate Anti-Keefe Sencen Rant (Part One: Keeper through the first half of Unlocked)

taglist: @ahoyimlosingmymind @lucyshypemaster @myfairkatiecat @lilliesandlight @noideawhattodoorsay @sacrificialloving @i-want-to-be-hit-by-a-car @loreintheaether @whatistheretofearlookatrunfrom

Disclaimers before I start:

Do not, I repeat, do not hit that read more button right now. You will regret it. I promise you, you want to open this post in a new tab before you hit that button. This post brings new meaning to the word "long". To give you some numbers, this post is about 75 pages long in Google Docs, size 12 Times New Roman font. It took me more than three hours to read through it. You shouldn't expect to read this entire thing in one sitting. Do not, under any circumstances, hit that button without opening this post in a new tab. I'm warning you.

This rant will be very biased against Keefe. I'm only listing the things I do not like about Keefe. I have not listed a single thing I enjoy about him, few that there are. So if you're going into this looking for an unbiased "pros and cons" analysis, you've come to the wrong place. This is not an analysis. This is a rant. Do not confuse the two.

I will only list things I do not like about Keefe. If you want to argue that "oh, but [other character] did that too, and you didn't mention them!!!" that's because I'm not getting into any gripes with any other characters in this particular post. I despise Forkle just as much as I despise Keefe, for instance, but this is not a Mr. Forkle rant. This is a Keefe rant. This is solely focused on the things I do not like about Keefe. I may or may not agree with you on whether that other character that supposedly did the same thing deserves to be scrutinized for it, but the point still stands that I will not be getting into any Keefe vs. [other character] debates. In my rant, I do occasionally compare Keefe to other characters, but that's just to highlight my points about Shannon's treatment of him.

I am not a Sophitz shipper. I don't ship Sophie with anyone, actually. This rant does not come from a place of "Fitz is a better love interest for Sophie because Keefe sucks so much!!!" I will just put that to bed right now.

Feel free to pick fights with me or tell me that I'm not being fair. Feel free to counter every single one of my arguments. But please don't make bad faith arguments like "Keefe was basically just waiting around for Sophie and Fitz to break up in Legacy!!!" that are just not true in the slightest. (Yes, that is in defense of Keefe, I'm just trying to show an example of a bad faith argument.) I tried my best to be fair and not extrapolate anything beyond what I genuinely think Shannon Messenger intended for the audience to understand. So if you want to make a counter-argument, I kind of expect the same.

I actually really like fanon Keefe. No problems there whatsoever. Every single gripe I have is with canon Keefe. So, obviously I will only be discussing canon Keefe moments in this rant. I won't be talking about fandom issues at all.

My problems arise with both Keefe the person (his personality) and Keefe the character (the way he's written/his character arcs/development), so obviously this will be heavily critical of Shannon Messenger's writing. Just be aware. But I don't hate Shannon. In YouTuber withcindy's words, I find her writing to be unbearable sometimes, but I hope she gets her coin. I don't want this to make anyone hate Shannon. I don't hate her, her writing choices just frustrate me sometimes and I think it's fair to criticize them. There are many things I love about Keeper, like the worldbuilding (I have an entire post in my drafts ranting about how great the world is for the themes Keeper's trying to convey). I directly "address" Shannon at several points, but that's mostly for the sake of not making this a boring slog to get through.

I don't have physical copies of Keeper, Exile, Lodestar, or Nightfall as of the making of this rant. So quotes from those don't have citations. Every other book has a page number. I probably should've cited chapter numbers instead for those four but I didn't think of that at the time. Oh, well.

This will be very negative and discourse-y. I'm not really planning on sugar-coating anything. In my opinion, it's really important to be able to criticize the things you love, and I do love Keeper. So if you want to have a purely positive, uncritical fandom experience, it's probably not a good idea to keep going. Also, if you ship Sokeefe or like Keefe, just be prepared. While I personally do not believe they/he were written well, I understand that some people do enjoy them/him. I don't want this rant to make any people that genuinely love Sokeefe or Keefe start hating them/him. If you don't like Keefe or Sokeefe, you've probably come to the right place.

This entire rant is my personal opinion. We can agree to disagree. I get that some things I say are completely subjective, such as when I talk about Keefe's humor. That doesn't mean I think that anyone who loves Keefe's sense of humor is an idiot. I do use some strong language to describe some things, but that doesn't mean I think people who have different opinions than me are stupid. We just clearly have different tastes when it comes to things like this.

New disclaimer that I need to add right before posting this: I am not that blue anon (or any anti-Sokeefe or anti-Keefe anon). I don't even know how they managed to do that on anon. I also don't think Keefe was emotionally cheating with Sophie in Legacy. That's a completely bizarre statement to make. However, I do find that some of that person's statements are valid, however weirdly and passive-aggressively they made them, but I'm going to try to address it in a more respectful manner. So hopefully, if you continue reading this and you do like Sokeefe or Keefe, you at least understand where I'm coming from.

Keeper

“‘I mean, I can’t really blame her’—he gestured to himself—’but still, it’s awkward, you know?’” I don’t tend to like characters that brag about their looks. I know it’s a popular male-love-interest trope, but I can’t stand it. It makes the author feel like they’re trying way too hard to make the character ““““““cool””””””. Yes, I know he’s joking, but it quickly goes way too far later.

“From his disheveled blond hair to the way he’d rolled up his sleeves and left his shirt untucked, she could tell—he was cool.” Again, the narrative tries way too hard to get us to buy into the “cool bad boy” thing and it just makes me cringe so hard.

“He clearly wasn’t going to let it go [ . . . ]” Just keep in mind, Keefe just met Sophie a second ago and he’s already starting to push her for things she doesn’t want to tell. Yes, in this case, it isn’t particularly serious, but this definitely becomes a habit later on.

“‘Wow, most girls would be crying about a wound like that—most guys too. Even I’d be playing it up for sympathy and stuff.’” Going to let this go because they fix Keefe’s sexist comments in the graphic novel, so it clearly wasn’t intended for him to come across that way, but I’d just like to say that I’m so tired of the casual sexism in YA novels as a way of making a male love interest seem “cooler” or “snarkier”. It makes me cringe every time. (Keefe isn’t the only one that’s like this either. Fitz and Dex both make similarly sexist comments as well earlier: “What is it with girls?” said by Fitz and “Girls” said by Dex.) It comes across as even more annoying when you consider the whole thing about how the Lost Cities are supposed to be gender-equal. Shannon. What the heck.

“‘Makeovers?’ Keefe scoffed behind them. ‘You girls sure know how to have fun. Maybe you can braid each other’s hair and giggle about boys while you’re at it.’” Again, I’m going to let this go because they fix it in the graphic novel, but oh, boy. I have no idea what Shannon was thinking when she wrote this. All the guys make sexist comments, but Keefe easily gets it the worst. It just proves my point about how Shannon jacked it all the way up to eleven in an attempt to make Keefe “cool” and “funny”. 

“‘Actually, maybe that last part is a good idea. You could get the dirt on Foster, find out which guys make her heart go pitter-patter.’” This is completely subjective, but I find Keefe’s general sense of humor to be incredibly cringy. Like, who talks like that and doesn’t immediately cringe at themselves??? In real life, if someone spoke like that, I can guarantee that everyone around them would laugh at them. Also, he still doesn’t know Sophie very well and he continues to put her on the spot.

“‘Eh, that’s what they all say. But deep down girls always have one guy they can’t take their eyes off—isn’t that right, Fitz?’ ‘Why are we talking about this?’ Fitz complained.” Say what you will about Fitz, but I will forever be grateful to him for shutting down that nauseatingly cringy shitshow.

“‘Aw, don’t go getting good at alchemy, Foster.’” Again, this is completely subjective, but I find the way he calls Sophie by her last name to be a cheap trick to make him seem funnier and cooler. Which, in my humble opinion, it doesn’t.

“He winked, reaching for her hand.” Again, completely subjective, but my number one pet peeve when it comes to love interests in fiction is winking. Why is it that everytime an author wants to make a guy “cool”, they just make him wink so much you’d believe he has an eye twitching disorder??? Keefe is so unoriginal as a character. I have seen this sort of male love interest a thousand times in a thousand different YA series. 

“‘It’s almost too easy to annoy you, you know that?’” The thing about Keefe is that he doesn’t just joke around. He usually jokes around with the intention to annoy or embarrass someone. 

“[ . . . ] forced instead to sit alone in the corner while Keefe winked at her [ . . . ]” He winked at her throughout the course of an entire detention??? Wow. That’s just. Okay.

[cut because character limit]

“‘What do we have here?’ Keefe asked, snatching a red box from her thinking cap. He was definitely back to his old self without his father around. He glanced at the card and cracked up. ‘“Dear Sophie. I really enjoyed our dance, and I hope we can do it again sometime. Love, Valin.”’” Another example of Keefe making jokes that are just straight up embarrassing for someone else. Also, he just grabbed her present like that without her permission??? 

“‘I’m just teasing—sheesh.’” Keefe literally pulled the “But it was just a joke!” excuse as justification for putting Sophie on the spot like that. Wow, such a great friend.

“Keefe nudged Dex’s arm, then grinned at Sophie. ‘Interesting.’ ‘What?’ Dex asked. ‘Which one’s your gift, Dex?’ Sophie interrupted. She didn’t have to be a mind reader to know what Keefe was going to tease Dex about.” Here we mark the start of Keefe using his empathy to learn people’s secrets without their consent. He feels not a hint of remorse for it, and instead uses it as a way to breach people’s boundaries and embarrass them. As a lot of people have already said, Keefe is the primary reason empathy should have similar restrictions on it to telepathy. 

“She stared at Dex for a minute, so amazed she wanted to hug him. She knew Keefe would have a field day, though, so she fought the urge.” You shouldn’t be scared to hug your friend in front of your other friend for fear of what the other friend will say. 

“He’d hardly looked at her gift when he opened it, too distracted by the tunic Keefe gave him, which had I know what you’re thinking—and you should be ashamed of yourself embroidered across the front.” I will give credit where credit is due, though. This was cute as hell. But it also makes me frustrated, because it shows that Keefe can be a good friend if he tries. It’s not like he straight-up doesn’t know how to. He just doesn’t. Which is arguably worse.

“‘Yeah, busy juggling two girlfriends,’ Keefe interrupted. Alvar grinned. ‘Three.’ ‘Three?’ Della’s voice was as horrified as her expression. ‘Alvar, that’s awful.’ ‘Are you kidding? It’s awesome!’ Keefe corrected. ‘You’re my hero.’” That’s right, everyone. The sweet, thoughtful, funny, perfect Keefe dreams of being a cheater one day. What the heck, Shannon? Why would you make a guy you clearly want your audience to like and will eventually be the love interest a wannabe cheater? It’s clearly because she wants to make him seem cool and funny! So hilarious. Although this is more on Alvar. I know the fandom headcanons about polyamory, but given the use of the word “juggling”, it’s more likely that Alvar is a cheater. But I will also assume that this was another product of Keeper’s time, and will be changed in the second part of the graphic novel.

“‘All right, enough girly drama,’ Keefe said, shoving his way in. ‘I was part of the rescue too, remember? I’m the one who knew the tree you told Fitz about was the Four Seasons Tree, so if it weren’t for me . . . ’” How self-centered do you have to be to make the rescue about yourself??? Like, my guy. Have some self-awareness. Also, acting like Biana apologizing is just “girly drama” instead of a very real emotional moment is so, so degrading (and misogynistic, yippee). Disgusting behavior (which I wouldn’t mind if he ever apologized for it and showed some development, but it’s Keefe, so he never does, of course). 

“‘Ella!’ Sophie buried her face between the floppy ears, ignoring Keefe’s snickers.” Imagine laughing at your supposed friend (and crush) during an emotionally and physically devastating recovery period because you found it funny that she sleeps with a stuffed animal.

Exile

“‘Hey, a guy’s gotta look his best for the ladies.’ Keefe patted the back of his head. ‘Right, Foster?’” Ah, Keefe’s trademark cringily atrocious “humor” starts again. 

“‘Why do you need my help? Aren’t you the expert?’ Keefe snickered. ‘Ooh, good one, Foster!’” Another thing I don’t like about Keefe is that Shannon uses him as narration sometimes in order to pat her own back over making a joke. Like here, Sophie makes a comment regarding Vika’s ability to train Silveny, and we, the audience are obviously supposed to be like “Ooh, good one, Sophie! Get her ass!” But instead of just letting the audience have their natural reaction, Shannon feels the need to tell us what she thinks we need to feel. It becomes annoying because Keefe does it so much. It’s like Shannon doesn’t trust that the audience will have the correct reaction, so she has Keefe have that reaction so the audience knows what to feel. It’s basically the writing equivalent of saying “Get it? Do you get the joke? The joke was that Sophie made fun of Vika. Do you get it now?” This is more a Shannon thing than a Keefe thing, but Keefe gets it the worst. 

“‘Lame. I vote for The Unstoppable Team Keefe! Or Team Foster-Keefe if you’re one of those egomaniacs who needs your name in there. I can share some credit.’” Ah, here we start with Keefe’s list of atrocious nicknames for things. It’s one of my least favorite aspects of the way Shannon writes “humor”.

“‘What was up with the whole Amazing Flying Foster routine?’” Completely subjective, but I find Keefe’s nicknaming tendencies really grating.

“‘That’s another day of detention, Mr. Sencen,’ Sir Rosings shouted. ‘And one for you, Miss Foster!’ ‘Ooh, we can be detention buddies again!’” It’s a little thing, but Keefe never feels regret when he gets someone else in trouble. He only lathers it up with more teasing. I’d be so angry if someone got me in trouble and it wasn’t even my fault. It’s just terrible behavior.

“‘I’m not talking about anyone. I’m talking about you. And I know you’re up to something. I can feel it.’ He grabbed her hand, sucking in a slow breath as the crease between his brows relaxed. ‘I can feel your hope. It’s not much—but it’s there. And there has to be a reason for it. Besides—you’re going to need my help. Who knows the Vackers better than me?’” Keefe uses his empathy to force his way into Sophie’s fixing-Alden’s-mind plan. He tries to read her emotions without her permission so that he can use it as justification to get her to let him help. It’s just so icky. He then manipulates Sophie by insisting she needs his help (even though she logically doesn’t). 

“‘It’s a date, Foster!’ Keefe shouted, turning every head in the corridor and making her grit her teeth so hard her jaw hurt. ‘Looking forward to it.’” Keefe stop humiliating Sophie in front of everyone challenge. 

“‘Wow—you really sleep with this thing? I thought Fitz was kidding when he gave it to you when you were recovering.’ Sophie snatched Ella away [ . . . ]” Keefe continues to make fun of Sophie for her stuffed animal tendencies. You know, it’s possible to be funny and make jokes without actively tearing people down. But wait, you may say. Keefe shows some development later because he starts to sleep with his own stuffed animal! Doesn’t that mean he learned and grew? No, I would argue back at you. The issue is not actually that Keefe made fun of Sophie’s stuffed animal in particular. The issue is that most of Keefe's jokes actively revolve around making fun of someone and putting them down. And that never changes, even later in the series. This is simply one example.

[cut because character limit]

“‘This isn’t nearly as exciting as I thought it would be,’ Keefe complained as Sophie finished explaining her theory about removing Alden’s guilt and how she was trying to track down her own journal. ‘When do we get to, like, fly into the line of fire or sneak away to the Forbidden Cities?’” Another thing I don’t like about Keefe: he’s so whiny. For no reason. Shannon loves to use his whininess to make him ““““““relatable””””””. And he never develops! Ever! Most of the things I list about Keefe here would be fine if Shannon acknowledged them as character flaws and let Keefe develop. But he never does.

“He reached out and brushed Grady’s arm. ‘Whoa—that is some serious tension radiating off of you. Is it that bad?’” Again, here we see an example of Keefe breaching boundaries and using his ability to get people to tell him things they aren’t comfortable telling him. If Keefe was a Telepath, this would be breaking the law. In case you care. 

“‘Is that a diary?’ Keefe asked as Sandor handed her the sparkly journal. He tried to snatch it, but Sophie yanked it away just in time.” I- I don't even have the words to describe how atrocious this behavior is. Keefe just casually tried to invade Sophie’s privacy. For a joke. And imagine if she had written something embarrassing in there and he’d managed to grab it from her. He’d never stop embarrassing her over it, never stop spilling its contents to other people casually in the name of “humor”. And he’d treat it like a joke, instead of a very serious breach of personal boundaries.

“‘Should’ve figured it would have something to do with a boy.’ ‘I was five, Keefe.’ ‘What, and cute boys didn’t exist when you were five? Well, it’s true you hadn’t met me yet, but . . . ’” Ah, Keefe’s trademark cringy-ass flirtation starts. For the record, I think this might be my least favorite aspect of Keefe’s “humor”. I don’t tend to like characters that go on about how good-looking they are. I just find it so incredibly cringy and tone-deaf. But that’s just my opinion.

“‘Now we know they still have the pages. So we just have to figure out a way to steal them back.’” Ah yes, Keefe’s straight-up stupidity, which isn't quite my least favorite quality of his, but is the most frustrating. He’s really, really stupid if he thinks he can just. Track down the Black Swan and steal the pages back from the infinite amount of places they could be. 

“‘Hey, Captain Mood Swing,’ Keefe said, gently grabbing her arm.” Keefe’s cringy sense of nicknaming humor continues. 

Also Keefe’s nickname for Silveny will never not be the most cringeworthy thing in the entire series. His nickname humor is already horrible enough, but combine it with his tendency to crack potty jokes like he’s six? Simply atrocious.

“‘It’s just a theory right now—I need to think it through.’ ‘You mean we,” Keefe said, hooking his arm through hers. “We need to think it through. Team Foster-Keefe!’” Keefe stop forcing yourself into Sophie’s personal business challenge.

[cut because character limit]

“‘So, let me get this straight,’ Keefe said when Sophie was done explaining the new plan. ‘We don’t know where we’re going, or how long it’s going to take us to get there, and we’re flying to meet the Black Swan—who may or may not be evil murderers—and this whole thing could be a trap?’ [ . . . ] ‘Awesome! ’Bout time this project got a bit more exciting.’” Keefe is so fucking tone-deaf. He learns they need to go meet the Black Swan (who at that point they thought were maybe-murderers) to heal Sophie and that’s what he says? Wow. Real upstanding guy. It really just shows how he thinks this whole thing is a game, not a serious issue. (Yes, I know he later says that his jokes are a mask and that he does care and see the seriousness in an issue, however that doesn’t change the fact that his jokes are just straight-up insensitive to the people around him.) Also, remember what I said about Shannon using Keefe as narration? She does it like this, too, where she’ll recap a lot of what she just wrote using Keefe as a mouthpiece, just to make sure the audience really gets it. It’s a sign of insecure writing. But it’s not boring recap exposition, because a funny character says it! Right, guys?

“‘Of course I told them. Sheesh—you act like I’m some sort of troublemaker.’ He winked.” Take a shot everytime Keefe winks. You won’t even make it through half the series. It highlights another issue I have with Keefe. He thinks he’s so cool. With the swagger and the winking and the hair and the clothes, he tries way too hard to be ““““““cool””””””. And for me it just makes him extra cringy. But that’s completely subjective. Yes, I am aware it is a mask. It does not make it any less cringy. It just doesn't feel like something anyone would ever do in real life. I don't know how to explain that it just feels unrealistically fake. It’s just so . . . try-hard-y to me. 

“‘No—for the millionth time. You’ll know when we are because we’ll stop flying.’ ‘Okay, that’s how I’ll know when we’re there. But how are you going to know?’” Another example of Keefe being intentionally annoying, and another example of Keefe being so stupid you have to wonder if his abusive parents dropped him on his head as a child. Two for one!

Keefe continues to be stupid and annoying on purpose for a few more lines of dialogue during this scene, but it’s too much and I don’t want to copy it all. I’ve already put a sample in the previous bullet. 

Have to say, I love how annoyed Sophie is by Keefe in Exile. Everytime she is forced to involve him, she expresses visible annoyance. Wish that carried through the entire series.

“But then he leaned closer—close enough that she could feel his breath on her cheek as he said, ‘I know I crack a lot of jokes, Sophie, but . . . that’s just because it’s easier, you know? It’s how I deal. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I do. A lot.’” Ah, the famous boy-behind-the-jokes confession scene. First of all, why does he need to lean closer and get all up in Sophie’s personal space??? Especially since they are already really close together. That is so ugh. Secondly, just because he uses humor as a coping mechanism, doesn’t mean his jokes have to be rude, annoying, embarrassing, cringy, over-the-top, cracked at the wrong times, and just plain stupid. It’s possible to have a sense of humor that’s, get this, actually funny and cheers people up instead of tearing them down.

[cut because character limit]

“‘You don’t have to be. I meant what I told Sandor. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.’” How chivalrous. And how exactly is he going to do that? By being stupid at the kidnappers? Just the fact that Keefe thinks that he can protect Sophie shows how unprepared he is. But seriously, Keefe has only demonstrated stupidity up until this point. I still don’t understand how Grady thought it was a good idea to involve him. He’s just as vulnerable as Sophie, so that’s just a second person that’ll get hurt if something goes wrong. He’s not a bodyguard and he doesn’t have any training or special experience that would qualify him to protect Sophie. He’s just some guy. I think the logic was “Sophie’ll have a second person to protect her in case of an emergency”, but that makes no sense, because Keefe can’t bring anything to the table in terms of protection for Sophie. But how else are we going to kickstart a fan-favorite ship?

“He leaned back, taking his warmth with him. But at least she felt like she could breathe again.” Yep, Sophie literally felt like she couldn’t breathe because Keefe was all up in her personal space.

Everblaze

“‘Want me to push you?’ Keefe offered, laughing as Sophie jerked away from him ‘Come on, it’ll be fun—for me at least.’” (4) I have a physical copy of Everblaze, so I can list page numbers, and boy it didn’t take long for Keefe’s jerkish tendencies to show. He literally admits to Sophie that he’d find it fun to watch her be uncomfortable, which not only makes him completely selfish, but also somewhat cruel.

“But he shot Sophie a look that seemed to say, You will tell me everything later [ . . . ]” (63) Again, an example of Keefe insisting he should be a part of Sophie’s personal business. Why does he constantly want to know every single thing she knows? It’s none of his business.

“‘Dude, what is up with them not rhyming?’” (113) Shannon also does this thing where she’ll make Keefe use the same joke over and over and over. This is only the second time Keefe has made this joke, but it happens again and again and again. And even though the first time was pretty funny, the overuse kills the joke. 

“‘Write this down, Gigantor: You may not want to meet, but we definitely do. Name a time and a place or we’ll pelt you with sparkly poo.’” (114) I really wish Shannon would stop with the potty humor. Keefe is fourteen, not six. It makes him look even more annoying and childish. 

“‘That’s why you keep me around. Well, that and my stunning good looks.’” (115) More of Keefe’s trademark cringy and tone deaf flirtation. Nobody talks like this in real life, Shannon, because they would be laughed at.

“‘But I’m coming over after school and you’ll tell me whatever you’re hiding.’” (121) It is so annoying how Keefe thinks he’s entitled to Sophie’s secrets. He doesn’t ask her. Just forces his way in, just like he forced his way into everything else. It’s textbook manipulation. And she does. Not because she trusts him. But because he forces his way into everything. 

“‘You let Keefe help.’ ‘Not by choice.’” (124) Sophie literally admits that she didn’t want Keefe to help her. But in typical Keefe fashion, he forces his way into everything, because he’s nosy and rude and can’t keep himself in line. I’ve said this already and I’ll probably say it again, but I wouldn’t mind this if Shannon treated it like a real character flaw instead of just a quirky little trait. I would be okay with it if Keefe realized what he was doing was wrong and apologized and made an effort to get better. But he never does. 

“‘This is just a normal day for you, isn’t it?’ Keefe asked . . . ‘Go to school find out you’re covered in a dangerous substance, melt off a few layers of skin, and then hail your besty Councillor, tell him you’re ditching study hall to save the world, and he says “Cool, I’ll come with you!”’” (149) Leaving aside the objectively incorrect spelling of bestie, here's another example of Shannon using Keefe to recap and narrate at the audience. It’s like she doesn’t trust us to understand the story ourselves. You don’t need to pat yourself on the back by summarizing what just happened, Shannon. It doesn’t make it any less exposition-y if the character info-dumping stuff we already know at us is ““““““funny””””””.

“Keefe replaced it immediately. ‘I could do this all day.’ [ . . . ] Then he snatched the rest of Sophie’s effluxers and raced away, stabbing them in random places all over the grassy field.” (179) Keefe understands why guarding the school from ogres is so important, and yet he treats it like a joke. I’ve seen people say that Keefe can be serious when he knows something is important, but here he is, abusing a serious security protocol for cheap laughs and frustrating Sophie. He tries his very hardest to be annoying and honestly if I were Sophie, I’d just walk away and let him do his own thing. He can’t be serious, and he’s incapable of thinking about anything except playtime for more than a few seconds at a time. 

[cut because character limit]

“Okay, I’ve changed my mind,’ Keefe said . . . ‘Let’s plant this somewhere she’ll trigger it.’” (181) Keefe gets Sophie in trouble and once again shows no remorse. I don’t understand why Sophie hangs around him when she doesn’t need him in any capacity (at this point) and all he does is annoy, embarrass, and get her in trouble. If you want to get in trouble, that’s your prerogative. But dragging others unwillingly into your plan is one of the most selfish, egregious acts you can do.

“‘Has he ever even had detention?’ ‘Only when he listens to me. [ . . . ]’” (183) Yet another example of Keefe dragging someone down with him, this time being Fitz.

“‘Clearly it’s not a good idea to get you angry. Uh-oh, should I be afraid?’” (221) Keefe continues to be annoying on purpose.

“‘Oh—maybe we could be the Keefitzter!’” (343) When will Shannon stop torturing me with this painful nickname humor?

“‘That doesn’t really have the same ring,’ Keefe told her [ . . . ]” (344) This is like the third time he’s made this joke. Repeating a joke over and over doesn’t make it funnier; it’s quite the opposite, actually. 

“‘Nah, I’ll save it for my own wedding. Make my bride feel even luckier.’ He winked.” (396) I think the worst part is he really thinks he’s being smooth there. Honestly, it just comes off as needy.

“‘ . . . keep in mind that Miss Foster is, and always will be, my first priority.’ ‘Mine too,’ Keefe said [ . . . ]” (408) Another thing that strikes me as incredibly weird with Keefe is this strange obsession he has with Sophie. It becomes incredibly apparent in later books, but it definitely starts here. Sophie should really just be another random friend he’s made at Foxfire, but he’s willing to go to so much trouble for her, but why? There’s not a particular reason. Sophie didn’t do anything that meant he owed her and therefore had to help her and they didn’t have a particularly strong bond at all before he forced his way into her reverse-Alden’s-guilt plan. It’s understandable now that they’re closer friends, but the fact that he was just ready to fly across the ocean for a somewhat random girl is just. Very strange. Keefe is a massive case of obsessed-with-the-love-interest syndrome that plagues YA novels everywhere you go. And he doesn’t even have a particularly good reason.

“‘Cute and smart. No wonder Dex gave you a ring.’” (410) Keefe continues to make unfunny jokes that embarrass Sophie for his own amusement. 

“Plotting and scheming really were Keefe’s forte.” (431) We’ve been told this, but it’s simply not true. Keefe hasn’t come up with a single good plan up until this point, so I don’t know what Sophie’s talking about. Telling isn’t showing, Shannon. Show us a single good plan that Keefe has come up with. You can’t just tell us that and expect us to believe it because “Oh, it’s Keefe!!!”

“‘Admit it, Foster—you’ve been checking out the Keefster. And maybe even . . . the keester.’ [ . . . ] ‘[ . . . ] Unless you’d rather I go first so you can admire the view.’” (440) I think this might be Keefe’s cringiest joke yet. It’s a perfect combination of Keefe humor: annoying, embarrassing, tone-deaf, a dash of potty humor, all topped off with a finale of horrific flirtation. 

Neverseen

“‘I totally could’ve pulled that off. But then again, I’m Batman, so’—he draped an arm over Sophie’s shoulders—‘I could be your hero any day.’” (9) Keefe's horrible flirting is back. And he very obviously sees himself as Sophie’s “hero”, ready to save the day for her, as if she’s completely helpless. (I know it seems like this is just a joke at the moment, but there are several moments later on down the line that prove this point. I just wanted to put this quote here so I don’t miss it later.) That’s another thing I hate about Keefe. He’s always sacrificing a good plan for his own, because he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else and wants to be the hero. (Again, there are several moments later that showcase this, we’ll get there.)

“Keefe grabbed Fitz’s wrist and pressed his fingers against the exposed skin. ‘Hate to break it to you, but I can tell you’re hiding something.’” (26) Another example of Keefe breaching personal boundaries and using his empathy to extort secrets out of people to get him to tell things they wouldn’t ordinarily tell him. This happens a lot starting in this book, and yes, I am going to point them all out. By the way, what Fitz was hiding was not at all important to their mission. It’s a secret of Sophie’s that Fitz accidentally saw and was forced to tell because of Keefe. And Keefe tries to make fun of Sophie for it, but is cut off.

“‘[ . . . ] and tell the Black Swan to knock it off with the lame, non-rhyming riddles.’” (27) Shannon, repeating a joke for the umpteenth time isn’t going to make it funnier. And Keefe gets this the worst.

“‘You know he’s going to keep pushing until he gets what he wants, right?’” (31) That quote is said about Keefe, for context. And yes, I do know that. It’s one of Keefe’s most annoying qualities. But what I want to focus on is the fact that Shannon herself acknowledges that. It’s not like she isn’t aware. She just doesn’t want to give Keefe any development, instead treating it like a quirky little habit. 

“‘Uh, you guys are totally ignoring the much more important question,’ Keefe interrupted [ . . . ] ‘Am I the only one who’s noticed that dude is naked?’” (38) Keefe doesn’t know how to be serious, even when the time calls for it. They were in the middle of a discussion about how the Neverseen could’ve set a fire in the Forbidden Cities, and Keefe just jumps in and completely derails the conversation for a joke. Keefe. Learn the time and the place for this sort of behavior. No, indeed, Keefe cannot be serious, even when the time calls for it.

“‘They’ll have to keep their faces very close together,’ Mr. Forkle noted. ‘Foster and I volunteer!’ Keefe shouted.” (59) Volunteering someone for a very uncomfortable experience without their permission, ah yes, my favorite. And yes, Dex does it too, and so do Fitz and Mr. Forkle. I’m not exempting any of them from the blame. I’m just saying that this was something Keefe unironically said (and he said it first, too).

“He leaped from his pleisosaur to hers and prodded Sophie’s eckodon to swim away from the rest of the group.” (63) Shannon forgot to add “without Sophie’s permission and without giving any thought to breached personal boundaries” to the end of that sentence. Seriously, he just leaped onto Sophie’s eckodon with no sign she wanted him to, just because . . . he wanted to? Sophie’s wishes? Never heard of them.

“‘Relax,’ he said, tightening his grip on Sophie’s waist. ‘I won’t let you fall.’” (63) I hate when Keefe does things that Sophie doesn’t need “for Sophie”. It’s his worst quality, by a long shot. He projects what he thinks Sophie wants and then tries to fulfill his projection. Sophie wasn’t even scared she was going to fall. And he randomly starts putting his hands all over her. But I guess when you’re a love interest, that can be seen as ““““““romantic””””””. Keefe stop treating Sophie like a helpless object that he needs to save challenge.

[cut because character limit]

“‘I will never let my mom hurt you again.’” (63) It’s hilarious that he thinks he can control that. Just adds to his mind-numbing stupidity. There’s naivete, then there’s Keefe. Also, this entire scene is the first in a series of scenes that I like to call “forced consolation”, where either Keefe or Sophie will try to reassure the other of some fear they don’t have or are just not in control of. Shannon loves to lather these scenes up with “I promise I won’t hate you”s and “I will do everything I can to protect you”s and all sorts of other things that feel either forced or over-the-top. And at the end of the scene, you feel nothing’s changed or developed. It’s just Sophie and Keefe repeating things at each other and at the end you just feel like it was handled with too heavy a hand and you didn’t really get anywhere. In other words, it’s one of Shannon’s favorite forms of filler.

“‘Thanks,’ he whispered back, so close she could feel his breath on her cheek.” (65) He managed to be even creepier! Wow! This feels incredibly forced, too. I think Shannon assumes she can make any scene “romantic” if she makes Keefe lean too close to Sophie and then makes a mention of Sophie's heartbeat.

“‘We know some of the Neverseen are hiding in Ravagog. Give me a green crystal and I’ll hunt them down.’” (90) Moments that make me want to shove Keefe into a brick wall. Is he stupid??? Like, genuinely. He is so dumb. I cannot stand stupid characters. Maybe that’s me, but oh my gosh. This. This is just. I don’t even have the words to describe how stupid Keefe is. And the worst part is Keefe clearly thinks this is a smart plan. Like, wow. He’s so arrogant he genuinely thinks he’s the savior they all need. Not a stupid, reckless boy with no experience or training who’s going to get himself killed. Keefe. What are you on.

“‘Why is everyone assuming I’m going to get caught?’ Keefe asked. ‘You guys are clearly forgetting how awesome I am!’” (91) Because you will. Hundred percent guarantee. He knows nothing about ogres and their technology, nothing about sneaking into places with a large amount of security, he probably doesn’t even know what a Markchain is and why he’ll be found out because of not having it. The English language doesn’t have the words necessary to describe how dumb Keefe is. And he doesn’t even realize it. He’s just so convinced he’s better than anyone else and that other people haven’t created anything strong enough to hold the all-knowing Keefe Sencen. But stupid characters that genuinely think they’re amazing is a personal pet peeve of mine. 

“Fitz said something else too, but it was drowned out by the plethora of gagging sounds coming from Dex and Keefe.” (96) I don’t like Dex either, but that’s not what this is about, so we’re gonna leave that alone for now. Anyway, Keefe and Dex are both incredibly immature, acting like six-year-olds as opposed to thirteen and fourteen. And it’s rude. It’s not a good quality. They clearly do it on purpose to be annoying, so. Tearing down people because you can’t keep your nose out of their business is just not good behavior. Again, I’d be fine if Keefe showed some development. But as far as I know, he never apologizes for his rude behavior at all. (I believe Dex does, though, so Shannon clearly knows this is a possibility.)

“‘In fact, after I swear fealty I should have you all call me Emo.’” (110) I don’t think you know what emo means, Keefe. Also, in my humble opinion, it makes no sense that elves have a concept of being emo. My guess is this is Shannon’s attempt to make Keefe seem more like Tam. But more on that later.

“‘You’ll be Sophitz! Or Fitzphie!’” (110) I hate it when authors put ship names in their stories. It’s so cringy and almost feels like the author is trying to pat themselves on the back for acknowledging a certain ship in the series. And of course, it’s an undeniable aspect of Keefe’s “humor”. I can’t just not address it. 

“‘We can be Keefex!’” (111) Another instance of putting ship names into the series, although I doubt Shannon meant it that way.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Yeah, Fitz can pull off anything.’ Sophie blushed as she considered the implication of her words. Keefe groaned. ‘I knew we should’ve gone with the balding elixir. Next time!’” (123) To be fair, the argument I’m about to make is very thin, and I acknowledge that, so feel free to disregard it. But notice how Keefe immediately suggests a balding elixir right after Sophie complimented Fitz’s looks. It’s almost like he’s jealous of Fitz, which is not a bad thing, necessarily. Jealousy is a very natural thing to feel. But so many people try to make arguments that Fitz was cruel and jealous toward Keefe later on down the line, so I thought I’d point out an example where (in my opinion) Keefe is being jealous.

“‘And don’t think I was going to allow a Sophex meeting to happen.’” (135) More cringy ship name “humor”. 

“‘Anyone else getting tired of the Black Swan bossing us around?’” (142) God, Keefe’s whininess is so annoying in this book. Yes, the Black Swan are being annoying. But he should’ve dropped it after the first few times that he complained. Complaining isn’t going to fix anything and only makes him look annoying. 

“‘Is it okay if I enter your mind?’ Fitz asked. ‘Dude, do you realize how creepy that sounds?’ Keefe interrupted. ‘It’s less creepy than reading her feelings all the time without telling her,’ Fitz argued. ‘Hey, it’s not like I try to do that! You’re just mad that Foster can’t hide things from me.’” (144) Keefe gets bored, so he interrupts Sophie and Fitz’s cognate training for no reason. You know, because he’s incapable of keeping his nose out of others’ business for two seconds. And not only that, he has the audacity to say he doesn’t try to read Sophie’s emotions. Sure, he’s not doing it all the time, every time, but he does it when he feels she’s hiding something. I’ve already pointed out several instances of this, and there are many more to come. Instead of letting her keep her secrets and tell him on her own time, you know, out of trust, he uses his empathy to force it out of her, or pressure her to talk when she’s not ready (which by the way, is a textbook sign of a toxic relationship). He does this to people besides Sophie, as well. So yes, it is creepy. Way more creepy and toxic than asking someone for permission, by the way. So not only is Keefe straight-up lying about not trying to read Sophie’s emotions, he’s defending it. And the last part where he says that Fitz is jealous because Sophie can hide things from him. He’s missing the point entirely. When someone tells you something willingly, without being extorted or pressured, they trust you. When you have to force them and guilt them into telling you, they don’t trust you. So Fitz has no real reason to be jealous here. Keefe’s just being an asshole.

“‘You make her super nervous,’ Keefe answered for her. Sophie wished the Black Swan had given her laser eyes so she could skewer Keefe with her death glare.” (144) Keefe not only reads Sophie’s emotions without her permission, he also breaches several boundaries by announcing them to the entire room before she’s ready or when she doesn't want to. Why? Because he’s selfish and wants to cause a scene. Why? Because he’s bored. I wish I were kidding. That is seriously the reason. He got bored. He doesn’t care about Sophie’s feelings, or else he would respect them. 

“‘Promise me you won’t hate me,’ he whispered.” (175) We go into another one of Shannon’s famous forced consolation scenes. It makes no sense that Keefe would worry about Sophie hating him. He hasn’t done a single thing to make her hate him. Shannon just realized that she needs something for Sophie to comfort Keefe over, so she pulled something out of her ass. And it makes no sense. 

It makes so little sense that Sophie tried so hard with Keefe, but didn’t do the same with Fitz and Biana in Exile. This forced consolation scene goes on, ending in a “window slumber party”. Another thing I don’t like about Keefe is that it’s very obvious that Shannon favors him. It’s very unsubtle.

[cut because character limit]

“Keefe ruined the moment by grumbling. ‘But you didn’t learn anything! You had the Neverseen right in front of you—you talked to him!’” (197) That’s right, everyone. The sweet, selfless Keefe blamed Sophie for failing to learn anything! Which, by the way, he never apologizes for and never shows remorse for.

“Sophie heard him mumble under his breath, ‘He was right in front of them.’” (198) Keefe continues to blame Sophie for not figuring anything out, as if he could’ve done any better.

“‘My mom was probably part of everything that went down with Jolie.’” (221) No??? No! Jolie died over sixteen years ago. Keefe says this in response to the knowledge that his mom joined the Neverseen shortly after becoming pregnant with him. Keefe is only fourteen, meaning Lady Gisela was not part of what went down with Jolie. This is probably just Shannon forgetting her timeline again, but oh, boy, does it make Keefe look stupid. 

“‘When you or Fitz start dating, there will be crying in the Foxfire halls.’” (236) Another example of Shannon trying way too hard to make him seem “popular” and “cool”. It appears she hasn’t set foot in a school, because that’s not how it actually works.

“‘Everyone loves the bad boys.’” (236) Did. Did Shannon unironically write that??? I’m laughing. Oh my gosh. The sheer tone-deafness and cringe, I can’t.

“‘And Fitz isn’t perfect, by the way.’ ‘He’s close enough.’” (238) No??? Nobody is. And here’s a fine example of another forced consolation scene. Keefe lathers it up with the self-pity and feeling sorry for himself, and later on down the road, Shannon realizes that and her solution to that particular problem is hilariously atrocious. I’m writing this quote in blue so that it’s easy to come back to later, because I’m going to talk about it once we get there. But for now: Keefe’s personal pity party is clearly only there to make the audience pity him. All he’s doing right now is acting weirdly whiny and jealous of Fitz for . . . being “perfect”? Which again, jealousy is natural. But Keefe has never in his life tried to achieve perfection, and has in fact always tried to do the exact opposite, so why would he be jealous of Fitz for being perfect all of a sudden? It’s completely out of character for him. Shannon. You can’t just make Keefe jealous of Fitz for the sake of being jealous of Fitz because you want a forced consolation scene. It has to make sense. Keefe would never be jealous of Fitz for this particular reason. Keefe doesn’t try to be perfect at all. Why would he care that Fitz is “perfect”?

“‘I hate watching it,’ he whispered. ‘Them and Della. It’s all so happy and easy.’” (238) Wanted to include this because this is a good example of how jealousy actually works. Keefe has never had a loving family. So naturally, seeing a loving family would make him jealous. So, again, I will give credit where credit is due: this makes sense for him. 

“‘And you’re also there when your friends need you.’” (238) That is a laughably twisted version of the events of the previous couple of books. Keefe is not “there when his friends need him”, rather he forces his ways into their plans by either pressuring them or using his empathy very dubiously. The way Shannon has tried to twist Keefe into this pitiable, pathetic boy is just. Not working, when you consider what he’s been doing for the past few books. Just straight shot after straight shot of him annoying and embarrassing the crap out of Sophie and extorting things she very clearly doesn’t want to tell him out of her.

“‘[ . . . ] you promised you wouldn’t hate me.’” (239) Obligatory “don’t hate me” plea from this particular forced consolation scene. 

[cut because character limit]

“His aim with the throwing stars was flawless [ . . . ]” (343) How??? He hasn’t had any proper training??? And this goes for the climax of Exile, too, by the way. Shannon once again wants Keefe to be flawless at everything and save Sophie, but she fails to make any of it make sense, because Keefe never trains with throwing stars. This is a textbook sign of a character the author wants to make look “cool” without making it make any sense whatsoever. Why is he good at using throwing stars? Not because he trained! Probably because Shannon just wanted to make him look cool and badass. 

“‘You know what I think when I see things like that?’ ‘I never should’ve agreed to help such a loser—even if he has awesome hair?’” (345) Here’s another forced consolation scene. Why would Keefe think Sophie thought that, when literally a few seconds ago she confirmed she didn’t? I’m not kidding, Sophie literally says “‘You shouldn’t have to carry all that alone’” (345) just a couple of lines right before this line. She clearly doesn’t think Keefe is a loser, but he’s so wrapped up in his self-pity, he’s not listening to her. Shannon’s trying to milk the shit out of this, so she repeats the same thing over and over and over to instill pity for Keefe. And again, she lathers it up and uses too heavy a hand, so it just feels like we’re suffocating in Sophie’s pity for Keefe, not to mention Keefe’s pity for himself. 

“‘I have a major dark side, Sophie.’” (347) Shannon tried to make this all serious and dark, but it just made me laugh. Like, no. He doesn’t. He doesn’t have a dark side whatsoever. He’s stupid, sure, but he’s really soft, too. The fact that Shannon is trying to get us to believe that and trying to put us on edge is laughable. 

“[ . . . ] ‘and it’s a lot creepier when it’s Sophorkle.’” (369) Did. Did Shannon actually write that???? And the editor saw nothing wrong with that??? Oh, boy . . . I don’t even think I have to explain this one. And yes, this is in the name of Keefe cringy-ass “humor”.

“‘If you’re saying we should sneak into ogreville instead of sitting here watching Dex poke a gadget with sticks, I’m in,’ Keefe said [ . . . ] Keefe tried to drag her toward the door.” (405) Why did Shannon make that so literal? She literally made Keefe just be like We’re going to Ravagog right this minute, and then had him drag Sophie to the door. Like, wow. The literalness of the action is just so cartoonish and comical. Like I’m watching an animated cartoon for seven year olds. I don’t know how else to describe this.

“‘I say we storm Ravagog,’ Keefe said. ‘Who’s in?’” (457) Keefe continues to push for a plan that has no merits whatsoever and will just put people in danger. You know, because he couldn’t use his brain if his life depended on it. Also the way he says it implies he sees it as this fun joke-like thing, not something that needs serious thought put into it.

“‘And I thought secret Telepath conversations were the worst. Just so we’re clear,’ he told Tam. ‘I’m the president of the Foster fan club. And we’re closed to new members.’” (474) Keefe acts jealous of Tam for . . . talking to Sophie. What a great guy. What a non-possessive, non-controlling, completely justified thing to do. He acts like Sophie just talking to a guy is a threat to him. And let’s be honest, he says that the Foster Fan Club is “closed to new members” because he’s worried about whether Tam could like Sophie, or vice versa. And the fact that his idea is to try to stop Tam and Sophie from talking to each other is easily the ickiest thing he has done. Like, please go bang your head several times into a wall, Keefe. Hard.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Someone needs to tell Shade Boy the role of Troublemaker with Daddy Issues is already filled.’” (478) I- I don’t even have the words to describe how uncaring this is. Keefe literally sees a struggling teen and his first thought is “My ‘position’ is in danger”. How selfish is that? Tam (and Linh) have struggled way more than Keefe can even comprehend and yet all he can think about is this stupid jealousy he has for Tam. Also, the fact that he literally thinks in stereotypes and archetypes is laughably bad writing on Shannon’s part. Dumbing people down to categories to check off is atrociously terrible writing, and this is another symptom of Shannon using Keefe as a narrator to tell the audience things she doesn’t trust us to pick up on ourselves. She doesn’t trust us to know that Keefe is a troublemaker with daddy issues, so she has to tell us. Just like she doesn’t trust us to realize the same about Tam, so she has to tell us. 

“He’d turned into the boy in the boobrie dude’s tent again—scared and angry and lost.” (479) That doesn’t justify his callousness and horrible behavior towards Tam. Just because you can see why someone is doing something, doesn’t automatically absolve them of blame. Someone should’ve kept Keefe in line by explaining how tone deaf that comment was. But of course, since it’s Keefe, his actions will always be justified by the narrative instead of corrected.

“Keefe laughed. ‘Annnnnnnnd, the Foster panicking begins.’ ‘I’m not panicking,’ Sophie told him [ . . . ] She ignored Keefe’s laughter as she gave Fitz permission to enter her mind.” (496) First of all, counting and typing out all those Ns was a nightmare. Second of all, I think the reason Keefe’s intrusive behavior is accepted is because it’s just so normal. It’s just something you expect to happen with him because it’s Keefe, and treated like a joke. But it shouldn’t happen. Just because Keefe can feel Sophie’s emotions, doesn’t mean he has to tell them to people she’s clearly uncomfortable telling them to. And third of all, he laughs. He laughs because she’s panicking. What an upstanding guy.

“‘Whoa, now everything’s red and ripply,’ Fitz said. ‘Is that because she’s angry?’” (497) Keefe literally annoyed Sophie for his own amusement and fun. You know, as good friends do.

“‘Just tell them to stare into each other’s eyes and they’ll be good.’ ‘None of that, Mr. Sencen.’” (497) I will give credit where credit is due, Shannon did finally hold Keefe to a modicum of accountability. But this is the one time in all his atrocious behavior that he’s been held accountable, and even then, he never says sorry. 

“‘Why didn’t you tell me about this?’ Fitz whispered to her. ‘Dude, you don’t get to ask that,’ Keefe told him.” (505) Fitz can ask whatever the hell he wants. Especially concerning a group that they are all fighting. Telling someone they don’t get to ask why something was hidden from them is so completely out of line. And guess who calls Keefe out on this? Nobody.

“‘Because I seem to remember you having a bummer few weeks and then everything went back to perfect Vacker-land. So where’s my perfect fix?’” (505) Keefe disregards other people’s feelings and problems if he sees them as not as bad as his own. Now, you might be thinking, didn’t Fitz lash out at Sophie during Exile? Why isn’t that bad? Well, that’s not as bad because Fitz realizes what he did was wrong, apologizes for what he did and tries his hardest to improve and develop. You’ll notice we don’t get a similar heartfelt apology from Keefe for this incredibly hurtful and invalidating statement, or anything else he does or says throughout this book.

[cut because character limit]

“She knew Keefe didn’t want to talk to her, but when she saw his lights on she couldn’t walk away.” (507) Another piece of evidence suggesting that Sophie paid way more attention to Keefe and spent way more time making sure he knew she was there for him than she did with Fitz and Biana in a similar situation. Here Keefe is mad at her, not wanting to see her, and she still tries too hard to make him see reason, which is not something she does with anyone else. And that is another thing I hate about Keefe: Shannon shows clear favoritism toward him. He gets let off the hook for things other people don’t. He gets Sophie trying and trying and trying to make him see reason when he’s mad. And later, he gets a plotline all to himself, and takes up so much page time, it squeezes the other characters out. You can already see it in this book. 

“[ . . . ] she could’ve sworn he muttered something about Sophitz.” (510) Keefe is a horrific friend. He tears Sophie and Fitz’s cognate relationship (and friendship) down every chance he gets, and nobody calls him out on his incredibly possessive behavior.

“‘How are you going to get inside the city? And if you do get in—what then? You don’t even know where you’re going.’ ‘I’ll figure it out.’” (560) Keefe is so unbelievably stupid. The justification Shannon gave was that the guilt is making him reckless, but recklessness doesn’t equal stupidity. And when Sophie asks him perfectly valid questions, he says “I’ll figure it out”, meaning he put not a single thought into this. He’s really so arrogant that he thinks he can just walk into Ravagog with no plan and steal the cure. God, he’s so stupid, they should just leave him out of their plans for everyone’s safety. Stupid characters are a particular pet peeve of mine, so if I seem angrier than I should be, that’s why.

“‘Fine. I’ll wait until tomorrow night,’ he said. ‘Then I’m leaving.’” (561) Sophie didn’t even manage to completely dissuade him, she just stalled him. That proves that Sophie can’t save him from himself. Nobody can. And later, Keefe puts so much more than himself at risk. He has Sophie constantly worrying about him, so his actions affect her, too. That’s selfish behavior. And how much does he grow from it? I’m sure you can guess. 

“‘Yeah, this is why I should go by myself,’ Keefe said. The suggestion was met with a resounding ‘No!’ But Sophie knew Keefe wasn’t going to listen. If she didn’t figure something out, he would go alone.” (564) They just talked through all the challenges of their plan, none of which Keefe has a solution to, yet he’s still arrogant enough to believe that he can do it all himself. Stupid characters that think they’re great are the worst kind of character to me. The fact that Keefe genuinely thinks he can sneak past ogres and find the cure is mind boggling. He thinks he’s so great that he won’t get caught, but we know he would’ve. Someone is going to pop out of the ground and say “Well, he’s only fourteen!!!” Yeah, he’s fourteen, but this is straight stupidity, not youthful naivete. And the fact that Sophie specifically thinks to herself that he’ll go if they don’t figure something out just proves how selfish he is. Nobody wants him to go alone. He’s not achieving anything for anyone, and his actions do more harm than good. So, no, his actions are not selfless. More so the opposite than anything. He’s doing something that nobody wants and nobody needs. Except himself, of course. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Oh good, Bangs Boy decided to join us,’ Keefe grumbled [ . . . ]” (570) Instead of being grateful for extra help that could get them out alive, Keefe continues to take shots at Tam for no reason. No reason other than he’s strangely possessive of Sophie, of course. Also, can I just say that Shannon wrote this rivalry so poorly? It’s not even a rivalry. It’s completely one-sided. And in later books, Shannon tries so hard to convince us that Keefe and Tam don’t like each other and it’s this whole thing and it’s all drama and this and that and the other. But she puts so little effort into describing why they don’t like each other that it falls so flat. Tam doesn’t even dislike Keefe. My guess is that he just (rightfully) sees Keefe as a nuisance. So really, it’s just Keefe that has this pathetic hatred for Tam, while Tam barely even acknowledges Keefe. As he should. But that’s just a guess. To know for sure, Shannon would actually have to focus on characters that aren’t Sophie and Keefe, so. 

“‘How do we know his little Shade tricks are even going to work?’” (572) Valid point, but Keefe is so unnecessarily mean and rude with that comment.

“Keefe snorted. ‘How does it feel to be rejected by dust?’ ‘Pretty good, actually,’ Tam snapped back, ‘since it means I can survive this mission.’” (573) Yeah, get his ass. About time someone called Keefe’s constant whining out. Keefe continues to haggle on Tam’s power, which will no doubt save his life several times, for no other reason than his pathetic hatred for Tam. 

“‘I could be back with the cure while the rest of you guys are still sleeping.’” (575) Words cannot describe how much I want Keefe to try to do just that, so the ogres can lock him in a cell and we never have to see him or his stupidity or arrogance again.

“Dude, you did not just insult the Hair.’” (581) Have some more cringy Keefe humor.

“Sophie couldn’t fight back her sob as Keefe handed Alvar the cache.” (661) We’ve at last arrived at the famous betrayal scene. And this is Keefe’s most selfish, asshole-ish action yet. First of all, it’s not him who was entrusted with the safety of the cache. It was Sophie. Which means that by handing over the cache, he puts her in massive potential danger with the Council, not himself. But that’s typical Keefe behavior. Thinking about how your actions will affect the people around you? Never heard of her. If the Council entrusted the cache to him, then it would be somewhat less selfish, because he’s the one that would then be in trouble with the Council. So he puts Sophie in danger and tosses the world’s most important secrets to a terrorist group without a thought in the direction of how he’s going to get it back. And for what? For the miniscule chance that the Neverseen would trust him and he could learn something important enough to finish this? That’s the thing with Keefe. He’s stupid, but he doesn’t think he is. He takes huge risks where the reward can’t in any scenario measure up to the price. It was a stupid risk. Not in any capacity could anything he learned ever measure up. But of course, Keefe thinks it’s brilliant. Because, you know. He’s stupid. Tell me why anyone trusts this guy again? Oh, and in case you think that Keefe learns or grows from this mistake, just you wait.

“‘I have to do this,’ he said. ‘Please don’t hate me.’” (663) Keefe has no right to ask this of Sophie in this scenario. He’s chosen his path, and that was his choice. He will and should suffer the consequences of that choice. Including all the people who now see him as a traitor. But of course, since this is Keefe, he doesn’t suffer a single consequence, and Sophie never truly hates him, although that would’ve encouraged at least a single iota of development for Keefe’s arc. 

Lodestar

“‘Sorry my note was so hasty. Next time I’ll make sure it rhymes.’” Sorry, no more page numbers, I don’t have a physical copy. I don’t know why Shannon insists on running the rhyming joke into the ground. Repeating the same joke over and over doesn’t make it funnier. 

So the thing about this scene where Keefe breaks into the principal’s office is that he does get held somewhat accountable. Every time he makes a joke and isn’t serious, Sophie calls him out. When he plays dumb and says he didn’t expect Sophie to hate him, she calls him out. He tries to defend his atrocious plan, she shuts him down. But that doesn’t last. 

“And there it was. Keefe’s guilt.” I still don’t understand what Keefe is guilty over. Because Shannon doesn’t bother to make it make sense. No logical person would feel guilty over their parent’s betrayal. Especially not when they didn’t like that parent much to start with. But how else are we going to get our precious forced consolation scenes, if Shannon can’t make up something for Keefe to angst over?

“‘What is the Lodestar Initiative?’ she pressed. ‘And what other lost memories did you recover? You said there were more.’ ‘It doesn’t matter.’ ‘Obviously it does.’” Sophie tries to get solid answers from Keefe and he continues to withhold. These aren’t just any old personal secrets either, they’re secrets that have something to do with the enemy they’re both fighting. By keeping this information away from Sophie, Keefe actively hinders her cause. But of course, he’s so stupid and arrogant and thinks he knows what’s best for Sophie that he’ll never see it that way. He is such a frustrating character and this book is almost the worst portrayal of him. 

“‘There’s always a choice, Keefe.’ ‘Yeah—I’m going to find a way to end this on my terms. That’s my choice.’” Wow, Keefe is such an arrogant idiot. He really just admitted that he was the only person he was going to listen to. Not anyone smarter than him, more experienced than him, hell, not even Sophie, who he’s supposedly doing this for. No, it’s just his way or the highway. Because he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else. Including their enemies, who have proven time and time again to be at least twenty-two steps ahead. He doesn’t even bring up his plan with the Black Swan. They might’ve taught him or told him something that could help. But no. He does it all himself, but he only cares about his own opinion, and Sophie’s. Oh and by the way, Sophie doesn’t call him out on any of this this time around.

“‘What happens when they notice it’s gone?’ He shrugged.” He literally just admitted he didn’t have a plan. That’s his thing. He’ll do something reckless (like giving Sophie the pendant back) and then not think about the consequences. He is so stupid, it hurts my soul. I cannot fathom how he manages to entertain this delusion that he can beat the Neverseen single-handedly. 

“‘You’d rather keep hurting the people who care about you?’ ‘I’m helping you!’ ‘And hurting us.’” He’s not helping. At all. Helping would be executing a plan that everyone agreed was a good idea. Helping would be brainstorming ideas for a plan with a group, so they can figure out all the pros and cons and go from there. Helping would be being there for the people that need him. But, no. Keefe instead embarks on a selfish quest to end things all by himself so that he can feel good about himself and maybe even so that Sophie will think highly of him. He doesn’t care about anyone else, he just cares about himself. If he did care about other people, he would consult them and consider their advice instead of disregarding it and assuming he’s the smartest person in the room, when in actuality, he’s most likely the stupidest. By a lot.

[cut because character limit]

“‘That’s what I’d been hoping for. But [Fitz] didn’t even raise his voice. He just looked away so I wouldn’t see him crying. So did Biana. Even Dex teared up.’ Seconds ticked by. Maybe minutes. It felt like forever before Keefe whispered, ‘What about you?’ [ . . . ] ‘I also helped you escape,’ Keefe reminded her.” Another thing that is so irritating about Keefe is how he doesn’t care about anyone except Sophie and puts her on this pedestal. He doesn’t care about any of his friends as much as he does Sophie, and he only bothers opening up to her. He doesn’t try to form a bond with anyone else, and he neglects all his other friends for Sophie. In this example, when Sophie tells him how the others reacted, he simply changes the subject back to her, instead of saying something about the others. When Sophie tells him how she reacted, he acts interested again. 

“‘Even if it is, the things you’re doing are real. That cache could destroy everything. And you handed it over like it was no big deal—’ ‘Because it wasn’t! They can’t open it. They’ve had all their Technopaths working on it, and they can’t break through the security.’ ‘And when they finally figure it out?’ ‘I’ll steal it back long before that happens. I can handle this, Sophie.’” No, he can’t. He’s proven that he’s incapable of thinking even an inch into the future, with his response to the monocle pendant situation. There’s no feasible way Keefe could’ve known how incompetent the Neverseen’s Technopaths are at getting into the cache. He’d never even heard of a cache before Neverseen. So it could’ve backfired massively. And how is he going to steal it back? He has no plan. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.

“‘It’s not a test. They . . . sent me here.’ ‘Why would they do that?’ Keefe’s eyes returned to the ceiling. ‘Probably because I suggested it.’” So let me get this straight: Keefe told the Neverseen to send him to Foxfire where all his friends go to school, and he thinks they didn’t find that suspicious at all? I'm laughing. Honestly, that’s hilarious.

“‘Miss Foster understands Mr. Sencen in ways the rest of us simply cannot. [ . . . ] He opened up to her. Leaned on her. Trusted her.’” Yes, because she wouldn’t leave him alone. Which is not a level of effort she put into anyone else’s problems. Think about when Fitz was spiraling over his father in Exile. Or when Fitz got stabbed. She didn’t pay nearly as much attention as she did to Keefe in his times of crisis. Again, Shannon has a massive bias toward Keefe. He’s treated much better than the rest of the supporting cast. But somehow, despite that, he doesn’t get any development at all. And the reason Keefe opened up to Sophie and nobody else is because he only cares about her opinion, and nobody else’s. He pedestalizes her heavily.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Need I remind you that Keefe’s doing the same thing our daughter tried to do?’” Oh, boy. I hate when people use this argument. In short, while Jolie and Keefe had the same plan, their executions couldn’t have been more different. Jolie was reached out to by both sides and the Neverseen had no idea that she was involved with the Black Swan at all. The Neverseen are well aware of Keefe’s involvement with the Black Swan. So, where Jolie just had to get the Neverseen to trust her, Keefe has to convince them that he betrayed his friends, a much harder task. Jolie also had a feasible motive, to get her bad match status erased. Keefe doesn’t have anything even resembling a possible reason for why he’d want to join the Neverseen. So the Neverseen are going to be even more suspicious of him. Jolie trained. She told the Black Swan what she was doing. She planned. Eventually, she got the Black Swan’s approval and she had their help. Keefe, on the other hand, did not do a single modicum of actually valuable training. He didn’t tell anyone, and he didn’t talk his plan through with the group. Nobody thought it was a good idea, and nobody’s helping him. He’s completely on his own. Keefe also has to live with them, which Jolie never did. That’s more opportunities to slip up, and a small difference like that can add up. And I know I’ll sound like a broken record, but Keefe is just. So stupid. He doesn’t think about his actions and their consequences, just barrels right into them. Jolie has proven to be very clever, leaving a list of clues that she knew only a Black Swan member would be able to find. 

“‘Oh good—so the thing That Boy stole is putting all of us in more danger,’ Grady muttered.” For the record, I find Grady to be an incredibly immature guardian, with what and his calling Keefe “That Boy”. But that’s not what I’m here for right now. And he does make a good point right here. Keefe is putting them all in danger, and he doesn’t even know if what he’s doing will have any sort of payout.

“How does Fitz not pee his pants every time you do this—or wait, DOES HE?” This book easily gets it the worst when it comes to Keefe’s humor. The potty humor is at an all-time high, and Keefe is even more cringy and annoying than usual.

“Besides—if she was going to trust Keefe, she had to trust him.” Why??? He didn’t do a single thing to earn her trust. Why should she trust him??? This shouldn’t be about Sophie’s feelings, they’re in the middle of a war, and that’s what should matter. Keefe has compromised a very important piece of intelligence, so she shouldn’t be trusting him at all. “Oh, but he's her friend!” Yes, he’s her friend, but the war is always more important than foolishly placing your trust in the wrong hands because of . . . feelings.  

“[Keefe] Luck had nothing to do with it. I planned it perfectly. [Sophie] That’s exactly the kind of overconfidence that’s going to get you killed. [Keefe] Not necessarily.” He really thinks he didn’t get lucky and that the whole thing was because of his “perfect” planning. But no plan is perfect. That fact that Keefe doesn’t know that is proof as to why he shouldn’t be doing this. A good planner understands that every plan has inherent risks and never, ever gets cocky because something can always go wrong. Keefe’s just not willing to see the risks to his plans. And that makes him dangerous. And so, so stupid.

“Yep—it’s a date. Tell your boyfriends not to be jealous.” Have some more cringy Keefe-style flirtation. 

[cut because character limit]

“[Sophie] Keefoster? [Keefe] Sounds way cooler than Sophitz or Dophie, right? And don’t even get me started on Bangs Boy.” Keefe’s cringy ship name humor is back at it again. I’m pretty sure he uses ship names more than the entire fandom combined. God, Shannon needs to stop using him to pat herself on the back. Keefe once again displays jealousy toward not only Tam, but Fitz and Dex. He subtly tells Sophie that she should be with him, not any of them, which is so utterly out of line that I don’t even have the words to describe how much I want to punch him in the face for his possessiveness. It’s not his right to tell her that. Also, objectively speaking, Keefoster sounds atrocious. It also sounds like “Keefe Foster”, and I’m sure Shannon is patting herself on the back for seeming so subtle. Sokeefe is a much better ship name, but is never actually brought up in the series. If Shannon intends to continue with this atrocious in-story ship-name-dropping, she could at least use a good one.

“[Keefe] [  . . . ] it is kinda nice having someone look out for me. [Sophie] You don’t make it easy. [ . . . ] His floating thoughts made it clear how determined he was to protect her.” Yippee, another forced consolation scene! Sophie and Keefe basically tell each other that they’re out to protect each other. Sophie says Keefe doesn’t make it easy on her, which is true. He takes advantage of her trust, runs into dangerous situations without a care in the direction of how it’ll affect Sophie’s mental state. And Keefe doing this whole thing to protect Sophie . . . no. Just no. He’s already admitted he’s doing this because he’s only willing to do it his way. He wants to do this for a multitude of selfish reasons, one of which is Sophie’s opinion of him and his character, which is not the same as doing something “for Sophie”. He’s doing it for himself. He doesn’t care about Sophie’s opinion on what he should do, or he would’ve listened to her. And the part about how it’s “nice [to have] someone look[ing] out for [Keefe]” is just. I can’t even. Keefe is so whiny. Plenty of people care about and look out for him. The Black Swan, frustrating as they are, Alden and Della, his friends, even Grady and Edaline. But of course the only one he cares about is Sophie. Because he only cares about Sophie’s opinion of him and nobody else’s. 

“You can ignore it all you want, Foster, but sooner or later you’re going to have to solve the triangle. Or should we get real and call it a square?” Fantastic, some more horrible Keefe flirtation! Also my feelings on authors using the term “love square/triangle” in their books is pretty much the same as my feelings about authors using ship names in their books. It’s so pick-me, like Look! I acknowledged the love triangle in my own book! Aren’t I the greatest? Isn’t that so self-aware of me?

“There you go, rocking the whole adorable-when-you’re-angry thing. I think that’s what I’ve missed about you the most.” Keefe infantilizes Sophie by saying she’s cute when she’s angry. She is trying to express her feelings, and all Keefe can do is be all Awwwwww. Isn’t that so cute? She’s angry! How adorable. It’s a form of invalidating someone’s feelings, by treating them like they’re just entertainment or by brushing them off like that. It’s some of the most manipulative behavior out there. It also saves Keefe from having to actually take Sophie’s feelings into account. His infantilization of her also shows up in his incessant need to protect her. It’s icky and gross, and authors should stop encouraging this behavior.

“Yes, I will call you Lady Lectures-a-Lot every time you transmit to me.” Have another example of Keefe’s cringy-ass nickname humor. 

“[Sophie] And can you focus for one second? [Keefe] I suppose I can try. . . . ” Keefe continues to try to frustrate and annoy Sophie on purpose. You know, for his own entertainment. As good friends do.

[cut because character limit]

“‘We also found my favorite bramble jersey,’ Fitz added. ‘I knew he stole it.’” Because stealing your best friend’s personal possessions and never giving them back is a completely normal thing to do. 

"But she needed to see Wylie’s memories for herself and make sure Keefe wasn’t there.” Here’s an example of Keefe’s decisions impacting Sophie. Her mental health has been on a decline the entire time she was at Dex’s; all she thinks about is whether Keefe will be involved and whether he’ll be able to trick the Neverseen and how he’ll get out of this one. All she does is worry, worry, worry. And it’s all on Keefe. He didn’t take Sophie’s advice into account when he made his decision (which he would’ve done if he truly cared about her) and it’s affecting Sophie.

“‘I know you’re going to get mad at me for saying this. But before we keep trusting him, we need to find out what he knows—and I don’t just mean the little bits he tells you during your nightly flirt sessions.’ ‘That’s not what they are,’ Sophie snapped. ‘Maybe not for you. But I doubt the guy who calls himself the president of the Foster Fan Club is going to have a bunch of private convos with you and not use that chance to try to keep winning you over.’” Exactly. Thank you, Tam. Finally, someone in the story who gets it.

“‘Keefe—we’re serious,’ Sophie said. ‘Oh, I know. Fitz is giving me his “I’m so serious” scowl. And you’re hitting me with a whole mess of emotions.’” Can’t believe I have to put up with Keefe again after all this page time without him. And does he know that? Does he really? Because if he knew, he would be serious. But Keefe is incapable of acting serious, even when the time calls for it. All he can do is joke. 

“‘We need to make sure you weren’t involved.’ Keefe rolled his eyes. ‘Would I be here if I was?’” Yes??? He could do all kinds of things. And Fitz was perfectly valid when he said that they needed to make sure Keefe wasn’t involved. Keefe is currently working with the enemy. It’s as simple as that. It’s not unreasonable to want to know if he was involved with one of their plans. On the other hand, it is unreasonable for Keefe to ask them to put all their trust and faith in him when he’s working with their enemies. He needs to stop demanding everyone change to accommodate him, and accept the consequences of his actions. 

“‘I would never be in your position,’ Fitz argued. ‘Yeah, you’re better at taking the easy way.’” No, he’s better at taking the smart, unselfish way. He’s better at not throwing everyone’s faith and trust in him down the drain because he wants to be the hero. 

“‘They have a network that stretches way farther than you could ever imagine. I’ve only seen a tiny piece of it, and it’s seriously terrifying. I can’t fight it without making some hard calls!’” By Keefe’s own admission, the Neverseen’s organization skills, plans, and goals are “seriously terrifying”. And yet, he thinks he alone can defeat them by working from the inside out. He also uses the word “I”, like he thinks he’s the only one. A Freudian slip if I’ve ever seen one. No, Keefe, you are not the only one fighting the Neverseen. 

“Uh, hello—you have me. I know I got a few details wrong yesterday [ . . . ]” Keefe says he got “a few details wrong” as if those few details didn't result in someone getting tortured. He’s incredibly incompetent, but trying to hide it. He’s got it flipped, actually. He got the plan as a whole wrong, and only got a few details correct. He didn’t get any actually useful information, and still thinks they should rely on him despite the fact that he’s proven he has nothing useful to offer. Because he’s stupid and arrogantly wants to believe that his way is the best way.

“‘Dude, are you blushing?” Fitz asked. ‘Only because I can feel what Foster’s feeling,’ Keefe snapped back. Sophie rolled her eyes. ‘I’m not feeling anything.’” Nothing particularly wrong with this, just this exchange makes me cringe every time. But that’s subjective.

[cut because character limit]

“[Sophie] You get why we had to make sure, right? [Keefe] It’s still not awesome knowing you guys sat around talking about how you don’t trust me. [Sophie] You don’t make it easy.” They can’t trust him. This is bigger than Keefe’s pathetic boo-hoo-my-friends-don’t-trust-me. They would if they could. He ran off and joined the enemy and they’re in the middle of a war. They have to think with logic, not emotion, and logic always says that anyone working with the enemy can’t be trusted and must be treated as such. It’s not a personal attack on Keefe. But Keefe will always see it that way.

“I can’t worry about that, Foster. I can’t think about what-ifs or maybes. I can only take it one day at a time—one assignment at a time—and fight my way through.” Did- Did Keefe just admit he doesn’t plan ahead? And try to spin it so it looks like a good thing? This is the guy they’re supposed to be trusting??? This is the guy that thinks he’s smarter than the Neverseen, who, by his own admission, have networks that stretch farther than the mind can comprehend? Serious???

“And ten minutes ago you thought I was Wylie’s fourth kidnapper. Remind me to thank Bangs Boy for that the next time I see him. And the Fitzster.” Thank them for making a logical decision? During a war? Yes, you should. 

“[Keefe] Aw, come on, Foster. I’m the cute guy who chooses to save the kids, remember? How can you resist me? [Sophie] Who said anything about cute? [Keefe] It totally goes without saying. Don’t even try to deny it.” Keefe’s flirtation is back and cringier than ever!

“[Keefe] And in the meantime, maybe I need to lose this cloak and see what happens. . . . [Sophie] Bad idea—especially after you took such a risk to meet with us today. [Keefe] There you go again with your logic. It’s really cramping my style.” First of all, why does Sophie need to tell him that losing the cloak is such a bad idea when Keefe himself literally said a few pages ago that it was a bad idea? Is he really that drawn to ideas that seem stupid? Is he really so arrogant that he thinks he can get away with that a second time? And secondly, here’s another example of Shannon using the same joke again and again.

“Ugh. I guess you do need to see that memory, don’t you?” This isn’t the best quote (said by Keefe, for context) to represent what I’m about to say, but oh, well. I can’t copy this entire scene down because this goes on for a while, but Keefe literally stalls on his end of the bargain he makes with Sophie for quite a long time. He considered not even holding up his end, even though Sophie had already held up hers. He only relents when he realizes Sophie needs to see the memory. Which is not good. It shows that he can’t be trusted to hold up his side of a deal unless he decides he needs to. 

“Keefe turned away, watching the waves crash onto the beach. ‘I don’t want you feeling sorry for me.’ ‘I can’t help it. But it’s not pity. It’s . . . I don’t know what the word for it is. I’m too conflicted.’” So, remember that quote I wrote in blue? We’re circling back to it. I said that Keefe is constantly feeling sorry for himself and that the scene just drowns in his self-pity. Shannon then realizes that this isn’t really a good thing necessarily, and her solution is just to have Keefe say that he doesn’t want Sophie feeling sorry for him. This is a sentiment that continues through the story, where Keefe claims he hates people pitying him. But that’s just Shannon telling us that. What she shows us is a completely different story, and that reveals that Keefe does nothing but wallow in his own self-pity, usually during his forced consolation scenes. It doesn’t matter that Keefe apparently doesn’t want anyone to pity him, because Shannon spends so much time trying to convince you to pity him that the whole thing falls flat. There are several more instances of this, but for now I’ll just write this in blue as well, because these two quotes are connected in one larger point I’m trying to make. 

[cut because character limit]

“[Keefe] Wow. That’s just . . . He burst into a fit of snorty giggles. [Sophie] I’m glad you find this so amusing. [Keefe] You don’t? Don’t tell me you actually believe him.” This isn’t about whether or not something sounds strange or funny or ridiculous. It’s about whether or not it’s plausible. At this point in time, it was very plausible that Keefe was created as a counter to Project Moonlark, even though he’s older than Sophie. So they were treating it like a real possibility. But Keefe laughs at it, because it sounds stupid to him. He doesn’t even consider it. Just immediately discards the possibility. Which isn’t a good thing. It’s a very close-minded attitude to have. Which is not good in the middle of a war.

“‘They know I’m here,’ Keefe told her. ‘There’s an ogre enzyme that stinks like the entire world is rotting, and I may have accidentally knocked a vial of it into the laundry basin while I was washing Fintan’s favorite cloaks. It can only be removed with selkie skin, so they sent me to get what I need to clean up my mess.’” I’m laughing so hard. Collecting selkie skin probably isn’t going to take more than a few minutes, and they’ve been talking a long time, so the Neverseen are definitely going to be suspicious of him. Honestly, this plan is even dumber than I remember.

“‘And I used those five seconds to drop off the bead before I headed here. It was perfect.’” Every time Keefe describes a stupid part of his plan and then refers to his plan as “perfect”, I take psychic damage. Smart people know that no plan is ever perfect. So the fact that Keefe thinks his plan is shows why he isn’t ready to be a double agent.

“‘Woo-hoo for bonus Keefoster time! Try not to get jealous, Fitzy. She still likes you better than me—but someday I will wear her down. I’m sneaky like that.’” Was- Was that a real line??? That Shannon actually wrote??? And then didn’t immediately erase? Keefe is such a jerk. This line proves he just sees Sophie as the rope in the tug-of-war he’s playing with Fitz. He doesn’t care about her. He just wants to “wear her down”, as if a real person with real emotions is something he can just mess around with until he gets what he wants.

“You’re so cute when you worry, he told her.” More classic Keefe infantilization. He once again invalidates Sophie’s feelings by dumbing them down and acting like they’re this cute, quirky, inconsequential thing.

“Fine. Forgive me for trying to have a little fun after yesterday’s drama.” Did you know. That it’s possible. To have fun. Without infantilizing others? More of Keefe’s jokes being mean/rude/generally atrocious behavior.

“[Keefe] She puts Bangs Boy to shame—and she doesn’t have stupid hair. [Sophie] I thought she always hid under her cloak. [Keefe] She does. But as the crowned king of good-hair land, I can tell when I’m talking to one of my rightful subjects.” Keefe’s jokes about his hair are so painfully unfunny and come off as cocky when Shannon oversteps. Which she does. A lot. We get it, he styles his hair to look a certain way because he’s such a wannabe bad boy. Now can we talk about anything else?

“But after everyone went to sleep, I tore open the seam in my cloak and found another black disk right where you said it would be.” He . . . tore the disk out of the cloak. When they have no idea what it does. And they know the Neverseen put it there for a reason. And he’s trying to be careful. He just tore it out??? How’s he going to put it back in and make everything seem normal again??? Is he really that dumb?

“Actually, I’m pretty sure this is good enough news that you’re going to want to kiss me—and I’m happy to accept an IOU, by the way.” Ah, Keefe, your humor never fails to make me cringe.

“[Keefe] ‘Ode to Keefe Sencen—that brave, lovable nut. He may not have teal eyes, but he has a really cute—’ [Sophie] KEEFE!” Keefe’s favorite pastime of annoying Sophie rears its ugly head once more. Also, will he stop comparing himself to Fitz for two seconds?

[cut because character limit]

“[Keefe] And brace yourself because I’m about to blow your mind. Are you ready for it? [Sophie] I’ve been ready for the last five minutes. [Keefe] You think you’re ready. But there’s no way you possibly can be. [Sophie] JUST TELL ME.” More of Keefe annoying Sophie just for the heck of it. I honestly don’t understand why she’d constantly want to be around someone who’s so annoying, it makes no sense.

“Just like I haven’t gotten any more info about the ogres’ test, or King Dimitar’s meeting with Fintan, or Fintan’s cache, or any of the things I can’t get anyone to talk about [ . . . ]” I don’t understand how Keefe is so stupid that he can see all this evidence right in front of him, even admit it to Sophie, and still think his plan to join the Neverseen was a good one. I- He’s just so stupid. He just ignores every. Single. Red. Flag. Just because he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else. You cannot trust someone this tone-deaf. You just can’t. I don’t know why the narrative keeps pushing the idea that Keefe just needs Sophie’s trust and he’ll be fine. Can’t he understand that Sophie just cannot trust him? That it’s just not possible?

“[Keefe] I did warn you. I just didn’t know the specifics. [Sophie] I know. But that’s the thing neither of us have wanted to admit. If you can’t give the specifics, everything you’re doing is worthless.” How stupid do you have to be to have to have that spelled out for you? You need to give specific warnings or they’re worthless. But Keefe needs to believe what he’s doing is worth something. How else will he keep his head inflated?

“He thought she didn’t have a plan, and that everything she’d said was just an angry rant.” Wow. Just wow. Keefe doesn’t trust Sophie, nor does he listen to Sophie. He only listens to himself. Sophie just admitted that to herself. By not listening to her and taking her advice to heart, he invalidates her feelings and her plans for his own. Now, why is Sophie’s plan better than Keefe’s, logically speaking? Because Sophie has a specific idea of what she’s going to do now. Keefe doesn’t. And he doesn’t listen to her or take anything she says into consideration. If he genuinely believes he’s doing this “for Sophie”, he’s seriously delusional. 

“Is this going to be another one of those nights where you spend the whole time yelling at me to come home? Keefe asked, making her sit up straighter as his thoughts filled her head. Because as much as I love it when you get all feisty on me, now’s really not a good time.” God, Keefe is so subtly invalidating. He treats Sophie like she’s just his personal worry machine, not a person with valid concerns and ideas. The flippant way he talks about her worry for him makes me so mad. He takes her worry for granted and throws it back in her face, without a care for how it would affect her mental health. He brushes her off and invalidates her because he thinks he’s so much smarter than everyone else. Not to mention he calls her worry “feisty” and further infantilizes her feelings and ideas. 

“‘Dude, save your daddy issues for another time,’ Tam ordered. ‘Fintan doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t trust you. And if you go back to him, he’ll destroy you.’ Keefe’s eye roll was epic. ‘Don’t you need to go fix your bangs or something?’” In case you need more proof that Keefe is the stupidest, most pathetic idiot ever. First of all, Tam brings up a valid point. And Keefe’s response is to make a personal attack. You know, because he’s stupid and has nothing actually good to say in response. He’s completely pathetic, with his stupid rivalry with Tam clouding all his judgment. He treats Tam’s suggestion like it’s stupid because . . . Tam is the one who said it. He can’t even dignify Tam with a proper counterargument. He is so stupid, I can’t stand it. He doesn’t know when to stop joking around or when to stop taking shots at people. He’s straight-up mean, and this isn’t even a time to be joking. This is a serious situation, and all Keefe can think about is this pathetic animosity he has toward Tam. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Please don’t do this,’ she begged. ‘If you leave here with that crystal, you’ll trap us—and you’ll compromise Alluveterre.’ ‘The Black Swan can sacrifice one hideout for what this will get me,’ Keefe said. ‘And you can teleport. There has to be a cliff around here you can jump off to get the momentum.’” Yes, what this will get you. What that’ll get you is . . . something that you turned over to the Neverseen yourself (Kenric’s cache). This whole mess is Keefe’s fault. If he had just been less stupid, he wouldn’t have to sacrifice the Black Swan’s hideout to get the caches. Yes, Fintan’s cache would be a gain, but it’s not strictly necessary or needed. Nobody asked him to get it, he just arbitrarily decided that it’s what they need. You know, because he thinks they need it. He doesn’t understand risk or reward, and he doesn’t understand that some things aren’t worth sacrificing. Other people will have different opinions on whether or not something’s worth something else, but Keefe doesn’t do teamwork. He hijacks plans, then ruins them. He works off of what he, an inexperienced, scared, reckless teenager, thinks is best. Then he executes his atrocious plans without a drop of consideration from anyone else. 

“[ . . . ] but I’m even better at fixing things.’” No, no you’re not, Keefe. When has he ever fixed a single thing, up until this point in the story? Never. He’s only ever tried to do things that would get him killed but then is always stopped by Sophie. No, not stopped. Stalled. Even Sophie can’t reel him in. He’s only ever made Sophie go out of her mind with worry over him. He has no credibility to say that he’s ever “fixed” something. It’s simply untrue. The truth is: Keefe messes things up way more than he fixes them. 

“‘[ . . . ] know that I will end this.’” Keefe still thinks he’s everyone’s savior, he still thinks he’s the hero they all need, instead of the idiot all their carefully arranged plans are ruined by. I have never seen such a stupid, idiotic, arrogant, blind character. But maybe I just need to read more.

“You realize I’m not actually pooping, right? I mean, I know we’ve shared a lot of things, but I don’t think poop should be one of them—unless it’s sparkly and from an alicorn. Or blasting like a geyser out of a gulon.” Keefe knows Sophie is mad at him, and knows he should be grateful she’s even reaching out to him, and yet all he does is make the stupidest, unfunniest jokes to annoy her. It’s like he’s trying to sabotage his relationship with her. Also, Shannon’s use of potty humor never fails to feel incredibly out of place and so, so juvenile. 

“It doesn’t matter what I think. It’s not like you listen to me. The thought had a snap to it, and Sophie could see Keefe’s mind sting. But she wasn’t going to apologize.” Good. She shouldn’t. He deserves to feel that “sting”. All he’s done is ruin things, worry Sophie, and think he’s the greatest ever. He deserves to be put in his place. This isn’t even half of what he deserves. 

““I’ll be outside Lumenaria as soon as I bust out of here. I don’t care if there are patrols, I’ll find a way to evade them. I want to be close—that way if you need me, I can help.” Keefe, you realize you can’t just bypass security, right??? Like, they’re experts, and you’re a stupid teenager. You can’t just hide from them forever. Also, wow. The sheer arrogance Keefe needs to have to assume that Sophie’s going to need him, and him in particular. He still sees himself as Sophie’s savior.

[cut because character limit]

“[Sophie] I wish he wasn’t coming here, she told Mr. Forkle. It’s way too risky, and he’s only doing it because he feels like he needs to make everything up to me. [Mr. Forkle] He does need to make it up to you. Haven’t you realized that yet? That’s why you and Mr. Sencen work so well together. You both push each other to believe in yourselves. Don’t go easy on him now because you’re afraid he’s too fragile. The more you let him prove himself, the more he’ll realize he’s still worthy.” He does need to make everything up to Sophie, but Mr. Forkle is just. So wrong. If someone consistently ruins everything, they shouldn’t be given several more chances to prove that they’re “still worthy”, especially not without some additional reflection on their actions and especially not in a high-stakes war. They’ll just mess everything up again??? That should be common sense to a leader of a rebel group. Keefe needs to learn his lesson, and the only way to have that happen is to punish him for his actions. He needs to face consequences, and in a way that makes sure he doesn’t screw anything up again. And that’s by forcing him to stand on the sidelines. He cannot be allowed onto the “battlefield”, so to speak, when he actively puts everyone in danger by being there. He needs to understand everything that happened was his fault, and he needs to do something to stop himself from screwing it all up again.

“Keefe’s smile was somehow both breathtaking and heartbreaking, but it faded as he stroked her cheek [ . . . ]” Why is he randomly stroking her cheek when she just got up??? It’s so weird. Nobody does that. It’s weird and he needs to stop. And no, “they’re good friends” is not a good excuse. It’s incredibly strange to start touching someone’s face out of the blue. I can practically see Shannon patting herself on the back and thinking it makes their bond so much stronger. Really, it makes it so much creepier.

“‘All those months with them, thinking I was playing everything perfectly. I bet they were onto me the whole time. Just like my mom said. And they were planning this.’ He punched the sand, sending it spraying around them. Sophie held him tighter. ‘This is not your fault, Keefe. None of us realized what they were up to.’” Ah, another forced consolation scene, my dearly detested! And, look, Shannon even squeezed a “It’s not your fault” in there. While Lumenaria coming down is obviously not Keefe’s fault, it definitely speaks to his ego that he thought he was smarter than the Neverseen. Yes, he’s realizing now that he was wrong, but it doesn’t change the fact that he should still have to face the consequences. He joined the enemy without anybody’s approval. He can’t work with a team without hijacking everything himself and overturning everyone else’s ideas. He should still have to face the consequences of what he did. “I know now that I was wrong” doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t show any real consequence. It shows a tiny bit of growth, but nothing solid or meaningful. It’s a throwaway line that you could honestly miss if you weren’t paying close attention.

“‘It’s still huge,’ Sophie promised. ‘I know it doesn’t feel like it—but the secrets in those caches have to be important. That’s a victory!’ ‘A pretty weak one,’ he grumbled, trying to look away. She reached up and turned his chin back, waiting for him to meet her eyes. ‘You have to let this go. Don’t let this ruin what we have here.’” No, he’s right, Sophie. For once in his life. Sophie tries to comfort Keefe, and this entire scene feels so weak, like Shannon is desperately reaching for drama to fuel her beloved forced consolation scenes. In reality, it’s very simple. The caches have nothing on real-life implications. So, yes, the caches are a victory, but it’s a very, very weak one, and not at all worth the things Keefe did to get them. Also, Sophie grabbing Keefe’s chin like that is very, very weird behavior. Nobody does that with their friends, just grabbing their chins to force them to look at them.

Nightfall

“He’d also been working every day to make up for his mistakes.” Thank you for telling us that instead of showing it, Shannon. If he really felt sorry, he’d understand that he needs to change and stop being so reckless before he can safely be a part of plans and schemes again. If he doesn’t realize that, he’ll never stop putting people in danger.

“So, when Fintan asked for my blood, I told him he needed to prove that I could trust him by answering one question. And once he did, I had to hold up my end of the deal.” In case you’re wondering, the number of things Keefe screwed up during his time with the Neverseen is now: compromising Alluveterre, giving up his blood, freeing Alvar (although we know that probably wouldn’t have mattered, since they got away, but Keefe didn’t know that at the time, so I mean), and being wrong several times about the Neverseen going after Grady and Edaline. 

“But Fintan interrogated me when I got back, and I had to use the crystal to convince him not to burn off my arm.” This is the guy Keefe thought trusted him, by the way. Come on, he can’t be this stupid. 

“[Sophie] Do you really think Fintan would help you steal the caches if they’re actually important? [Keefe] Yeah, Foster. I do. Because he had no idea that he gave me the other piece of the code phrase weeks earlier, after he had too much fizzleberry wine.” Wait, the leader of the Neverseen got drunk in front of a teenager he doesn’t trust, and Keefe didn’t find that suspicious??? At all??? Really??? I can’t believe Keefe is that dumb . . . actually wait. This is Keefe. Never mind, I believe it entirely. 

“Trading my blood was a bad call. But I SWEAR the caches are still a score.” Keefe’s cockiness has come back in full force, y’all. Remember that forced consolation scene at the end of Lodestar where Keefe lamented about how the caches were a weak victory? Well, why bother with consistency? He thinks they’re a “score” now! This is what I mean when I say the forced consolation scenes are so dumb and only there for Shannon to milk some worthless comfort between Sophie and Keefe. She has to force it, which means half the time it makes no sense, so she either has to pretend it didn’t exist and reset for the next one, or contradict herself like she did here. Either way, it will just lead to another forced consolation scene, and eventually there’s only so many times you can take Sophie and Keefe having the same conversation over and over again.

“I’ll fix this, okay? Keefe promised. I’m going to fix everything. You mean ‘we,’ Sophie corrected. WE are going to fix this.” Speak of the devil. Here comes a forced consolation scene. Also the fact that Keefe still believes he’s going to fix everything by himself shows he learned absolutely nothing from his mistakes. It’s Keefe, so why am I surprised that he’s gotten zero character development?

“Does that mean you don’t hate me? Keefe asked. His mental tone sounded softer—almost timid. [Sophie] I told you, I’m never going to hate you, Keefe. [Keefe] But I keep giving you new reasons to change your mind. [Sophie] Yeah, you really need to stop that. She offered him half a smile, and he gave her the same when she added, But we’re in this together.” Wow, Shannon didn’t even take that long to dive into a whole mess of a forced consolation scene, complete with a trademark “Don’t hate me, please”. Again, it makes no sense why Keefe thinks Sophie would hate him. She’s talking to him, isn’t she? And she never stopped. She isn’t mad at him and she doesn’t hate him, and that’s plainly obvious to anyone with a brain. But how else is Shannon going to milk the drama for all it’s worth, if not by repeating the same conversation over and over and making her characters look dumb in the process?

[cut because character limit]

“Sophie fussed with her jeweled sleeves—which matched the emeralds lining the knee-high boots she’d slipped over her lacy gray leggings. Biana had frustratingly pointed out that elaborate clothes would do a better job of disguising her gloves, so Sophie was trying to force herself to get used to wearing glitter and frills. Keefe’s lips tilted into his famous smirk as he crossed the room to stand closer. ‘I meant that as a compliment, Foster. Sparkles look good on you. So does the new hairdo.’” I know this is a (very annoying, very harmful) trope in fiction, but the fact that Sophie is visibly uncomfortable wearing fancy clothes, and Keefe's only response is to be like “Well, it looks good!” is so objectifying and degrading. It shows that he doesn’t particularly care about her feelings or comfort, only the way she looks to him. I get that it’s a trope, but most things about Keefe that I’m criticizing are tropes, so. 

“He reached up, his fingers skating gently along the edge of the intricate braid weaving through the front part of her hair.” Possibly Keefe’s most creepy trait is the way he just . . . randomly touches Sophie. Like completely out of the blue. He’ll just touch her face or hair, which is so strange. Like that isn’t normal, and you shouldn’t be touching someone there without explicit permission. Especially not in such a . . . implicative way.

“‘If you’re trying to impress me, it’s working,’ he told her, and she felt her cheeks warm—until he added, ‘But, you always impress me, so maybe you were thinking of someone else?’” What makes him think she’s dressing up for him specifically, or even for someone else? That’s such an arrogant assumption to make. As if everything Sophie does out of the ordinary must immediately be for him or some other guy. Also, if Sophie and Keefe are so close, why doesn't he know about her plan to dress up to hide her gloves?

“Somehow he’d moved closer, and Sophie’s throat went dry as he reached up and touched her braid again.” Keefe sure invades Sophie’s personal space a lot in this scene. That’s not romantic, by the way. It’s creepy and possessive.

“‘[ . . . ] and while I’m sure you and the Fitzster won’t mind the excuse to stare into each other’s eyes—’ ‘It’s called Cognate training,’ Sophie corrected. ‘And that’s not what we do.’ ‘Keep telling yourself that.’ Sophie ignored him.” Again, Shannon making the same joke over and over again isn’t going to make it funnier. Also, Keefe is once again annoying Sophie because he thinks it’s funny and cool. Sophie having to ignore him shows that she doesn’t want to talk about it.

“‘And yeah, she’s fooled me in the past. But I’ve had a lot of time to think about things, and I’m pretty sure I’ve figured her out.’” You’d think that Keefe would learn not to underestimate a Neverseen member from his double agent catastrophe (and he did, canonically), but of course, Shannon now needs to undo all his (small bit of) character development so he can make the same mistakes over and over. He is so stupid. And arrogant. And so many other things. If he thinks he can outsmart his mom, who’s been playing the long game this entire time, without a care or thought in even the vaguest direction of a plan, then I don’t even know what to say. And his use of the words “I” and “me” prove that he still thinks he can do this all himself. With no input from anyone else. So tell me, where exactly is his development from his failed double agent disaster?

“‘Pretty sure?’ Sophie repeated. ‘You want to risk everything on pretty sure?’ ‘The only thing I’m risking is me.’ ‘Which is way more than I’m willing to lose.’” Again, Keefe doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings about a plan except his. He only wants to barrel his way through life and he’ll do what he believes is the best thing for everyone, regardless of whether or not everyone else agrees. His constant need to risk himself is tiring and repetitive. When is he going to change and grow? It’s also incredibly selfish. He knows how that will affect his friends and loved ones, especially Sophie. And yet, he still wants to do it anyway. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Keefe snorted. “I’m betting Bangs Boy won’t.’ ‘Well, maybe he would if you’d stop calling him Bangs Boy.’ ‘Yeah, but that’s never going to happen.’” Shannon once again makes a pathetic attempt to create this narrative that Keefe and Tam have this mutual dislike of each other and it’s funny because they’re similar and this and that and the other. Again, no, the “rivalry” started when Keefe got jealous of Tam because he saw Tam as competition over Sophie. And Tam doesn’t even hate Keefe. He just finds him an excruciating nuisance. Which he is.

“‘Sorry, Gigantor,’ he said through gritted teeth as he scrambled to the other side of the room. ‘Foolish is my specialty.’” Keefe displays a resistance to valuable character development and change, almost as if Shannon heard complaints about Keefe’s lack of development and doubled down on it, but none is as bad as this book gets it. Keefe adamantly states that “Foolish is [his] specialty”, as if that justifies his actions, and talks about being stupid as if it’s just a quirky little personality trait, not a flaw he needs to work on and fix. It’s not a flex. It’s something that he needs to fix, and as soon as possible, too. He can’t just keep being stupid and, when confronted, say “Well, that’s just how I am, so you’ll have to deal with it”. That is so selfish, I can’t even process it. He displays such a resistance to change, such an arrogant attitude toward himself where he thinks he’s fine the way he is, that even though he actively puts people in danger, he doesn’t see a need to work on himself.

“‘I’m all good now, Foster. Unless you want to try kissing it to make it better.’” Have some more hideously horrific Keefe-style flirtation.

“‘Unleash the lecture! Here, I’ll even start it for you.’ His voice shifted up to an uncanny impersonation of hers. ‘How dare you ambush me, Keefe? I don’t care if you’re the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever seen—WAY better looking than other guys with their dimples or weirdly teal eyes. You had no right to show up and surprise me like that!’” Keefe just can’t stop bashing Fitz or Dex, can he? He’s so possessive that he actively brings down his supposed friends in his quest to gain Sophie’s attention and approval. Tell me, if he’s really meant to end up with Sophie, why does he act so insecure about her friendships with other guys? And the fact that he’s treating a very serious issue like a joke shows, once again, that he cannot be serious. He can’t think about other people for even a millisecond if it means going against his own wishes. And when it’s all over, all he wants to do is joke about it and hope that calms the other person down so he won’t have to face the consequences of his actions. It’s really quite manipulative, if you think about it. Means that he can distract the other person from the fact that he disregarded them and brush it all under the rug. 

“‘Don’t I at least get points for not hailing her by myself, making the deal alone, and running off to Ravagog without you?’” No, because he still forced his own plan onto Sophie and didn’t care about her opinion at all, despite the fact that apparently they’re a team. Remember, Sophie did not have a say in any of this. 

“‘I didn’t want you hesitating because of me, so I thought I’d make the hard decision for you—but everything after that was up to you.’” There is no good justification for taking someone’s choice away from them, and the fact that “everything after that” was “up to” Sophie is irrelevant, because she’d already been forced into a course of action she didn’t believe was correct.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Or maybe you’d rather I put my incredible Empath talents to work and help you solve the complicated square you’re always telling yourself is a triangle?’” More cringy humor that’s Shannon's horrible attempt to be self-aware in her own story, featuring the literal use of the word square and triangle with regards to Sophie’s love life.

“‘Come on, Foster, admit it—that was pretty clever.’” There is nobody on the face of this planet that brags as much as Keefe does when he pulls one tiny, slightly smart thing.

“‘Did the Mysterious Miss F. just agree that I’m a genius? Because that’s what I heard! And it’s filled my heart with all the warmest, softest fuzzies.’” This quote is only a couple pages after the one before and oh, boy. Keefe really can’t stop patting himself on the back for a single good idea. I wonder where that comes from . . . maybe that arrogance I was talking about . . . 

“‘But whatever it takes, it’s going to happen. Do you know why?’ When she didn’t answer, he took both of her hands, and she couldn’t ignore the rush of warmth that tingled through her when she met his eyes. There was no teasing glint to be found. Just pure determination when he told her, ‘Because Team Foster-Keefe is going to win.’” Shannon’s ability to cram forced consolation scenes into just a few lines is truly astounding. First of all, this is incredibly cringy. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Keefe’s dialogue has never been so horrifically embarrassing to read. Also, the way he just randomly grabs her hands and stares into her eyes is so weird and so forced. Isn’t that what he’s always making fun of Sophie and Fitz for? At least they have a good reason. So that also makes him a hypocrite. 

“‘Just the usual,’ Keefe told him. ‘Foster’s going on and on and on about how she can’t live without me. It’s really quite exhausting.’” Keefe’s flirting is at its worst in this book. It’s genuinely so bad, I can’t understand how it can be mistaken for charming or funny. 

“‘His idea of excitement is when he changes the way he parts his hair.’” More examples of Keefe tearing people down using his jokes, even if it’s subtle.

“‘Maybe not run off and join the enemy?’ Fitz suggested. The words were like a record scratch, screeching everyone into awkward silence. This was the first time they’d all been together since Keefe’s betrayal. Keefe cleared his throat. ‘Yeah . . . so . . . about that.’” Keefe only apologizes because Fitz brings it up. He never would’ve done it without that. He doesn’t bring it up himself, so it doesn’t really mean much. Yes, Sophie tries to tell him he doesn’t have to apologize and he still does it, but he wouldn’t have without Fitz bringing up how he ran away. 

“‘I’m sorry. I know you think I’m an idiot for running off. And . . . I guess I am. I thought the fact that my mom had built something she called my “legacy” meant that I was valuable enough to the Neverseen that they’d bring me in on all their plans and I could find a way to stop them. But it turns out I’m worthless.’” He’s not worthless, he’s stupid. And the wording of this is very intentional on Shannon’s part. It’s intentionally worded to attract pity and sympathy. It’s poor Keefe again, being called worthless again, oh, we should all go and feel sorry for him now. He is such a pity magnet. And he didn’t even apologize for the right thing. He apologizes for being stupid, sure, but he never apologizes for disregarding everyone’s feelings and ideas and forcing his own plan into action without consulting others. He never apologizes for not considering others’ feelings. It’s all just me, me, me with him. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘No, you’re not.’ Surprisingly, the words came from Tam. ‘Having a family like yours messes with your head,’ he added, tugging his bangs over his eyes. ‘I know how that goes. You still made a bad call—or lots of bad calls, actually. But . . . if you don’t do it again, we’re cool.’” Oh, and it works! The next line is Tam telling him that it’s not his fault, because his family’s bad! That doesn’t change the fact that Keefe made a decision to not tell anyone what he was planning, deciding to compromise several key pieces of intel so he could get back something he gave away, and generally be very arrogant. He didn’t consult or talk with anybody about it. Yes, Tam acknowledges that Keefe made “bad calls”, but where’s the mention of Keefe’s utter disregard for ideas that aren’t his?

“‘The only reason I’m including Keefe is because his mom seems to want him involved. Why else would she insist we contact her with his blood?’ ‘Plus, y’know, Foster can’t live without me,’ Keefe added. ‘Don’t make me smack you,’ Sophie warned. Keefe smirked. ‘I’d like to see you try.’” First of all, Sophie’s reasoning is chock full of logical fallacies. Yes, Keefe’s mother wants him to be involved, but why does that mean he, in particular, needs to go to Ravagog? They have no information at this point that says that he needs to be the one to go. And why should they listen to Keefe’s mom anyway? They don’t trust her. Also, Keefe annoys Sophie on purpose once again, and his annoying flirting gets even worse. Also, Shannon insists on making the same joke over and over, but this time, the last time he made that joke was less than a chapter ago, so it’s even more annoying. 

“‘Should we take bets on how many stairs Foster makes it up before she trips?’ Keefe asked. ‘I say she’ll lose it on the sixth step.’” Who. Wrote this??? It’s genuinely so bad. I swear, almost everything Keefe says in this book is top tier cringe.

“He snickered. ‘At least this proves I know you better than the Fitzster.’ ‘No, it’s that I have more faith in her,” Fitz corrected. “That’s what being Cognates means.’ ‘And yet, I seem to remember Foster hiding some sort of important secret from you during your trust exercises. Did something change while I was gone, or . . . ?’” Keefe is so weirdly possessive of Sophie. He acts like every single thing is this ridiculous tug-of-war over her with Fitz. He never passes up an opportunity to take shots at Fitz, his supposed best friend. Also, guessing when someone will trip is pure chance. That doesn’t show any sort of bond at all. I’m going to interpret that as a joke, because there’s no way even Keefe is stupid enough to believe that. He prods at Sophie and Fitz’s weak spots (the secret), like he’s hoping it will unravel. All he cares about is putting down Sophie and Fitz’s cognate relationship and bolstering his own relationship with Sophie. It’s such a disgusting yet subtle thing to do. Honestly, if Shannon had handled Keefe better, he could’ve been a character that could be used to teach kids about subtly manipulative and toxic relationships.

“‘Ugh, anyone else ready to vomit from the Fitzphie?’ Keefe asked. ‘I am,’ Dex said, as Linh asked, ‘Did Fitzphie become an actual thing?’ ‘I don’t even know what “Fitzphie” is supposed to mean,’ Tiergan noted. ‘Want me to explain it?’ Tam offered.” Seriously. Who wrote this. Shannon. What. What is this. The excessive use of in-story ship names is atrocious, but Shannon decides to double down on it. Leaving that aside, Keefe expresses a desire to “vomit from the Fitzphie”. Tell me that’s not possessiveness. Keefe is such an atrocious, toxic friend, and Shannon really cranks it up to eleven in this book. All he does is whine about how close Fitz and Sophie are, tear their cognate relationship down, claim his relationship to Sophie is better, and generally act very possessive of Sophie.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Ugh, score one for Fitzphie,’ Keefe mumbled.” Here, we see Keefe literally track points as if Sophie is a game he needs to win against Fitz (his “best friend”). All Keefe does is act jealous of Fitz and Sophie because he selfishly wants to be with Sophie. His constant whining is so annoying and again, Shannon use of ship names in-book is the most cringy, appalling move I’ve seen her make.

“‘I know! Our little girl is growing up and getting so snarky!’ Keefe pretended to wipe his teary eyes. ‘I’ve never been so proud.’” “Our little girl” . . . that totally isn’t creepy or infantilizing at all. The way Keefe talks about Sophie here is genuinely so gross, even if it is a joke. 

“‘We still do,’ Sophie argued. ‘We just have a lot going on.’ ‘And yet I sure seem to see a lot of Keefe these days. . . .’” He’s not wrong, Sophie. You kinda, sorta neglect everyone that’s not Keefe. It’s annoying how much attention he gets when he’s not even the main character.

“Keefe spotted the crush cuffs about ten seconds after he got to Havenfield the next morning—despite the long-sleeved tunic Sophie had worn to keep them covered. And he dragged out the rest of the story with a relentless bombardment of questions.” Can Keefe keep his nose out of Sophie’s personal business for even a minute??? The “dragged” here is very telling: Sophie would not have chosen to tell Keefe all this of her own free will. He bombards her with questions, and so she tells him, not because she wants to, but because she knows that he won’t shut up until he has the full story. This is Sophie’s secret. Sophie’s business (and Dex’s). Keefe has no right to ask about the cuffs at all. The fact that he “retelentless[ly]” asked her questions until she was forced to tell him the entire story is not a good thing. It does not demonstrate trust, but quite the opposite: a breach of personal boundaries. Keefe is so toxic, I honestly find it impressive how Shannon has twisted him into a seemingly perfect-angel love interest.  

“‘In his head, he wanted the Dexphie ship to set sail so badly that he kept fighting for it, even when he got some pretty clear signals that he was bound for a crash.’” I’m sure you can guess my feelings about the use of the word “ship” in-story with regards to romantic ships. Shannon really needs to stop making Keefe act like he’s outside of the story observing it like the audience is. It’s just. Too cringe. 

“Keefe smirked. ‘So that’s what kept you up tossing and turning? Wondering if I’ve registered for the match?’ ‘Ugh, that’s so not what I was saying.’ ‘Suuuuuuurrrrre it wasn’t.’” Keefe once again annoys Sophie just because he thinks it’s funny. Also, thank everything that’s holy for e-books. I would not have looked forward to typing that whole word out by hand. 

“‘Everything?’ Keefe asked. ‘Even . . . ’ He made an obnoxiously loud kissing sound. Sophie shoved him away.” Keefe’s horrific flirting is even cringier than normal in this scene. Nobody talks like this. And his favorite pastime of annoying Sophie comes around again.

“But then he leaned back and added, ‘I have way too much fun annoying you.’ Sophie sighed. ‘That does seem to be one of your talents.’ ‘And you adore me for it. In fact, maybe we should find out if we’re meant to be.’ He puckered his lips and Sophie shoved him a little harder that time.” Keefe blatantly admits that he loves to annoy Sophie. Annoying someone is not the basis for a good relationship. What are Keefe and Sophie even going to talk about once the Neverseen are defeated? It’ll just be Keefe annoying Sophie and Sophie acting annoyed, and Shannon pretending that’s romantic. And the part where Keefe says Sophie “adore[s] [him]” for annoying her??? What??? There are several points in the story where it’s clear that this isn’t true (and I’ve pointed out all of them, hopefully). Nobody likes being annoyed. Especially not on the regular and especially not when that’s Keefe’s only real personality trait. Put this all together with some of Keefe’s heinous flirting, and you get the recipe for a perfectly cringy scene. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Do you realize that thanks to you, sweet, innocent little Dex has now kissed someone before I have? And you too?’” It’s not a competition, Keefe. Geez. Also, wow he really thinks that because he’s a “cool prankster rebellious bad boy”, he should be the first one to get a kiss??? That’s what the “sweet, innocent little Dex” comment is telling me. Does Keefe really, actually think in stereotypes???

“‘I realize it’s hard to believe, considering . . . ’ He waved his arm in front of himself, like his looks said it all. ‘Don’t get me wrong—I’ve had plenty of offers, but . . . ’” Kill me now. This is a fantastically cringy line, complete with Keefe’s cringy tendency to draw attention to his looks. We get it. You look good. It doesn’t need to be your entire personality. 

“‘How about I steal the Fitzster’s match packet for you?’ Keefe suggested.” I hope that wasn’t a serious suggestion. Genuinely. But Keefe is such a shitty friend, I think he would’ve done it if Sophie had wanted him to. He’s willing to steal a very personal document and give it to someone Fitz doesn’t want to see it. You know. Just because.

“‘Am I supposed to see this as bravery?’ Dimitar asked him. ‘The arrogant young elf lord who dares to taunt me?’ ‘Psh, like the Council would ever make me a lord,” Keefe snorted. “Though, Lord Keefe does have a nice ring to it.’” Who responds like that to that sort of question??? Keefe was accused of arrogance by a king that has something he desperately needs and his response is literally just make jokes. More evidence that he can’t be serious even when the time calls for it.

“‘That’s not what we agreed on!’ Sophie snapped. ‘Maybe not. But I’m not going to let you face any consequences for this.’ Keefe slipped his mom’s scroll from his pocket and Sophie felt her jaw fall, wondering when he’d stolen it from her.” I think you know what I’m going to say, because I’ve said it a million times already: Keefe doesn’t care about Sophie’s feelings or input, he hijacks their shared plan for his own, he steals from her, blah, blah, blah. But you might be thinking, Wait, but Sophie does get mad at Keefe this time and does hold him accountable this time. He actually learns and grows! And you would be partially correct. But not completely. So this quote is mostly here because I’ll refer back to it later. I’ll write it in red so you can find it easier. 

“‘That was an incredibly dangerous move,’ Lady Cadence told Keefe, blocking him from following the ogre king. ‘Oh, you want to talk about dangerous?’ he asked. ‘How about the part when you almost started a brawl with King Dimitar? You were supposed to be the person at this meeting that he actually likes—that’s why we brought you!’” The two scenarios are not even remotely comparable. Keefe acted irrationally, with no inkling as to how Dimitar would react. He didn’t know what would happen, and he clearly planned this all in advance, even though he knew it was dangerous. Lady Cadence simply pointed out a breach in trust in her relationship with King Dimitar and told him she didn’t appreciate it. She knows Dimitar and considers him a friend, so she knew she wasn’t in any real danger from him. The idea that she “almost started a brawl” with the king is a complete exaggeration. She also wasn’t planning on having that conversation, it simply came up.

“‘And you can hate me if you want. But I made a promise when I found out my mom was with the Neverseen—she only gets to hurt me. It’s the only way I can live with myself.’” How noble. Except it gives him a convenient excuse to play the hero and ruin a group-made plan in favor of his own because of his own arrogance and overconfidence. So, not so noble. 

“Keefe grinned. ‘You really are adorable when you worry. But you don’t need to. I wouldn’t have agreed if I didn’t know I can handle it. See?’ He pulled his hands free and showed her how steady they were.” More of Keefe’s infantilization of Sophie! Yay! And if he really thinks he can handle it, he’s a massive idiot. A massive, arrogant idiot.

[cut because character limit]

“His motions were somehow both sluggish and erratic, and when he tried to pivot, the weapon slipped from his grasp.” And here is where we need to talk less about Keefe as a person and more about the way he’s written. Here, it’s explicitly stated that Keefe is terrible with a blade. Makes sense, he’s never handled one before. But, as we know, he’s about to defeat the ogre king in a sparring match. Keefe largely uses his skills in the match, but in terms of plot, it still makes no sense that he’d be able to defeat the king of a species whose entire culture is based around fighting and war. Yes, he’s trained in his skills extensively, but he’s never actually used them in a spar like this. There’s so much more to battle besides simply throwing everything you’ve got at your opponent. Dimitar should be able to predict what Keefe’s going to do next, even if Keefe tries a sneak attack, because Keefe’s never learned to hide that and never learned how to disguise his next move. Dimitar should be able to wear Keefe out so much that he doesn’t have the energy to use his skills anymore, because Keefe’s never learned how to conserve energy in a useful manner during a battle and never learned how to make every single strike count. Dimitar should be able to take Keefe down in a single strike, because Dimitar should know where the body’s weak spots are and how to cause the most pain with the least effort, which Keefe doesn’t know. So, no, Keefe simply using his skills should not be enough to defeat Dimitar when he has nothing else in his arsenal. And this is all to say: the point of this sparring match is to make Keefe look a hero. Even if it makes no sense. Keefe is written to be triumphant in this scene. It’s plot convenience at its finest. Shannon loves to do this with Keefe, where she’ll make him have some ability he realistically wouldn’t have because she needs him to be somewhat badass to uphold his “bad boy” image. 

“‘The grip on that one’s faulty,’ Keefe mumbled, kicking the weapon aside and snatching a dagger with a palm-length blade. ‘This one looks perfect for sneak attacks.’ ‘You can’t sneak up on him in an open ring,’ Sophie argued.” More evidence of Keefe just straight-up being incompetent when it comes to fighting. Which is fine by itself. But he can’t be incompetent at fighting and also win a sparring match against the king of a species known for their legendary fighting skills. Again, this scene is a massive example of plot convenience to make a character look good. It shows how Shannon favors Keefe. Honestly, he should’ve just lost the sparring match. Would’ve made the scene more interesting, and might’ve given Sophie, the main character, a chance to shine by quickly improvising a way to talk King Dimitar into giving up the starstone anyway. It might’ve also curbed Keefe’s ego, though I doubt it. 

“‘The only loss will be yours!’ Keefe sidestepped Sophie and charged into the ring, dagger raised, eyes wild, leaping for the ogre king.” Another example of Keefe’s straight-up stupidity. 

“‘There you are,’ Keefe whispered, his breath warm on her cheeks. ‘You’re good now, right?’” Keefe stop breathing all over Sophie’s face challenge. 

“‘I’ve never been so proud of us!’ Keefe said, holding up his hand for a high five.” I’d just like you to remember that Keefe can feel Sophie’s emotions. He knows how angry she is at him right now. And his immediate reaction is to try to joke his way out of it instead of treating it seriously until he’s forced to by Sophie. He literally tries to dumb this down and make it seem like it’s not as bad as it is so that Sophie won’t be mad at him. It doesn’t work, but it’s an incredibly manipulative thing to do. 

“‘Awww, my girl keeps getting snarkier and snarkier,’ Keefe said proudly. ‘I’m not your girl,’ Sophie snapped back. ‘And don’t think I’m done being mad at you!’” Keefe calling Sophie “my girl” is a form of infantilization, because he obviously doesn’t mean “my girlfriend”. Thankfully he gets called out on it. This time. 

[cut because character limit]

“Foster’s not ready to face her feelings,’ Keefe stage-whispered. ‘I’m ready to strangle you,’ Sophie countered.” Keefe’s joking here (and in the process annoying Sophie, but what else is new), but the implication is obviously that Sophie’s too scared of her feelings to face them and that she needs Keefe to swoop in and decipher them for her. Her own feelings. Do you see how that might not be the best thing to say, Keefe? Do you? Even if someone is wrong about their own feelings, that’s their prerogative. It’s always their choice of whether or not they want to face their own feelings or not.

“‘Maybe you’ll finally knock some sense into him.’ ‘I doubt it.’ Keefe winked, but Sophie looked away.” More of Keefe acting like his stupidity is just a quirky little trait instead of a flaw that could cost him or someone else their life. Being stupid is not a personality trait. It’s a flaw. He needs to stop treating being stupid like it’s this innate trait that’s just a part of who he is. It’s not.

“‘I’m guessing at least a week. Maybe more.’ ‘Yeah, that’s not happening,’ Keefe told him. ‘You’ll regret it if you don’t,’ Elwin warned. ‘Play this smart and the most you’ll have is a thin scar. But if you’re not careful, you could end up with nerve damage.’” Is Keefe really so stupid that he’s going to choose to have permanent damage because he won’t bed rest for a week of his life? This is. I can’t even.

“‘That depends on what my mom tells us,” Keefe argued. “If we’re heading straight to Nightfall—’ ‘You’re not going to Nightfall,’ Sophie interrupted. ‘You’re doing bed rest until Elwin says you’re better.’ Keefe smirked. ‘It’s cute that you think that.’” Why does Keefe need to be so stubborn about everything? Even this??? He literally throws away a perfectly smart thing to do with no drawbacks because . . . he wants to be with Sophie when she goes to Nightfall. That’s it. Again, he pedestalizes Sophie to such an extent that it makes him stupid. 

“Keefe wrapped his arm around Sophie. ‘Foster gets all worked up when she’s trying to protect me.’ ‘That’s not what this is about!’ Sophie snapped, pulling away.” Keefe literally tries to flirt his way out of Sophie’s anger, with a dash of infantilization thrown in for funsies. 

“‘Though would it kill you to do the smart thing, just once, and actually listen to someone when they’re giving you good advice, instead of thinking you know everything and doing whatever you want?’ Keefe considered that for a second. ‘Yeah, that might actually kill me.’” I seriously have no words. Keefe literally admitted that he’s stubborn to an excruciating extent, stupid, and arrogant, and he doesn’t see a problem with that at all. He genuinely just believes that they're innate parts of him, not flaws. 

“Sophie couldn’t look at Keefe after that. She didn’t want to see the hurt in his eyes as she dug out her home crystal.” If he’s hurting in this scene, then he deserves to be hurting. All he’s done is do stupid stuff and hijack everything without consideration for other people. So, yeah. He deserves it. 

“‘In case you need help deciding, I’d go with the part of you that wants to run over here for an epic Team Foster-Keefe hugfest, and not the part that wants to rip off my arms and smack me with them.’” Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. Starting in this book, Shannon uses the suffix “fest” incessantly, and doesn’t stop. It’s such a terrible choice that while it’s cringy the first few times, it quickly becomes unbearable as she keeps doing it. And Keefe gets it the worst.

[cut because character limit]

“‘I’ve also been eavesdropping outside—plus, Forkle hailed me this morning and caught me up on everything that’s been happening. So I already know about the giant beast things my mom made, and how we have a drugged Alvar in custody, and how all that boring stuff from Lady Cadence’s report about bacteria turned out to have something to do with flowers, and how there’s apparently another Nightfall in Atlantis that’s not part of my legacy, and that’s where we need to go to get your parents. Oh, and my mom wants us to steal from it and destroy it—which totally kills the fun, but I’m still game for blowing a Neverseen hideout off the planet.’” Another example of Shannon using Keefe as narration. It’s like she doesn’t trust that her audience will follow the story, so she feels the need to recap it. But wait, that’s boring! It’s fine, just have a ““““““humorous”””””” character do it! It’s a trick a lot of writers do when they think their audience is stupid, or they think what they wrote is too convoluted and want to make sure their audience has it straight. It’s also something authors do to pat themselves on the back, like, See? I wrote all that. And you just spent the last third of the book reading all that. Now, appreciate how much work I put in. I’m not saying Shannon doesn’t deserve praise for that plotline, and I genuinely think it's good, but I can’t stand it when she uses Keefe as a summary or narration gimmick. She could’ve just had Keefe say “I know everything I missed” and left it at that.

“‘How much groveling am I going to have to do before you trust me again?’” Keefe shouldn’t have to “grovel” to regain Sophie’s trust. Groveling is just words, no action. To regain trust, he’s going to have to prove that he won’t hijack everything and take over again. This is why this particular arc (miniarc?) of Keefe’s makes no sense. He only goes through this development because Sophie was mad at him, not because he actually realizes something about himself. And then Sophie immediately trusts him again and lets him work with her on everything again without any period of time where she’s suspicious of Keefe. What I’m saying is, Keefe’s breach of Sophie’s trust never really impacts their relationship. They have a fight, immediately make up the very next time they see each other, and then it’s over and done. There’s no period of time where it’s still a sore spot. No work to get to a point where Sophie feels like she can really trust Keefe again. As a result, it falls completely flat because Keefe didn’t earn anything. He just apologized and that’s it. But that shouldn’t be it. He should have a long way to go from now. An apology is just the start. Sophie shouldn’t forgive instantly. It just feels so cheap. It really shows how Shannon just wants a quick fix to Keefe’s problems instead of a real arc with real character development. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘I’m sorry, Sophie. Really. And I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. That’s why I stayed in bed, even though I knew my mom had to be dragging you into a million dangerous things. I wanted to prove that I could do the right thing. Well, that and Ro threatened to tie me down and cover me in flesh-eating bacteria if I didn’t, and I could tell she meant it.’” Keefe says that he stayed in bed because Sophie would’ve wanted him to and because he wanted to “do the right thing”. That’s . . . not what his motive should’ve been. His intention should’ve been to get stronger and heal. That’s it. There should be none of this nonsense about “doing it for Sophie” or “doing the right thing”. He should want to get better so that he doesn’t have permanent damage. Again, his weird obsession with impressing Sophie and doing whatever he thinks she’ll want is showing through, and had Shannon been a better author, she could’ve made it a flaw and related it back to his abusive parents and how he’s always craving attention because he never got enough from them or something. But instead, it’s hailed as a great quality. So, remember when I said I’d refer back to that quote I wrote in red? This quote is a primary example that, while he does apologize to Sophie, he doesn’t actually change from this incident. There are several moments down the line where you will see that Keefe still hijacks plans and still disregards Sophie’s feelings. An apology, sure, but there’s no actual growth. (I’ll put this quote in red too, so it’s easy to see that these two things I’m bringing up are connected into one big point.) So to people making the argument that Keefe was finally held accountable and developed from this whole thing, I hate to say it, but Keefe is just as infuriatingly arrogant as before. 

“‘Because you can be wrong and still smarter than these guys,’ Keefe told her with a grin.” Ah, Keefe’s arrogance never fails to make me cringe practically out of my body. Maybe if he was more open-minded, we wouldn’t have to deal with his stupidity.

“‘So maybe you do it wrong,’ Tam suggested. ‘It’s a puzzle,’ Keefe argued. ‘The pieces should only fit together one way.’” Keefe is so stupid that he literally tries to claim that the “pieces should only fit together one way” after just having seen evidence to the contrary. Literally, I’m not kidding, Sophie just put the puzzle together differently than him like two seconds ago and he says this. I knew he was arrogant, but damn. Can’t Shannon tone it down a little to at least try to make it seem like she gave Keefe actual development?

“‘She probably thinks I’m too dumb to put the key together the right way.’” This logic is so stupid. Even if Keefe was dumb enough to not be able to put it together, it’s not like he works alone. Someone in the Black Swan or something would’ve figured it out. And his mom knows that. His entire argument here makes no sense.

“He reached up and wiped one of the tears trickling down her cheeks.” Another weird example of Keefe touching Sophie’s face. It’s quite creepy, and it’s strange how Shannon tries to make it seem touching.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Okay, two choices,’ Keefe told her, standing up and tilting her chin toward him. ‘You can tell me what’s wrong. Or I can put my Empath powers to work—but keep in mind, Option B will likely pick up on all kinds of other feelings.’ Sophie gave him her surliest scowl, but he didn’t back down.” First of all, here’s another example of Keefe touching Sophie’s face creepily. Secondly, Keefe just extorted Sophie’s personal feelings out of her. He just threatened to use his empathy on her if she didn’t tell him what was going on. He then said that if she didn’t tell him the thing she obviously doesn’t want to tell him, he’d not only use his power on her and figure it out, but would also probably pick up on other things she doesn’t want him knowing about. Sophie then makes it very obvious that she doesn’t want to do it, but he “didn’t back down”, by which Shannon of course means “didn’t respect Sophie’s feelings and her right to keep them to herself”. That is so. That is just. I don’t understand how Shannon somehow managed to twist this into Keefe caring about Sophie. He threatened, coerced, manipulated, and extorted her into telling him, sure, but caring about her??? Don’t make me laugh. Keefe is possibly the most toxic character in this entire series, and it is disgusting how Shannon gives the impression that this is caring behavior, or correct in any capacity at all. When someone wants to be left alone, you leave them alone. Keefe needs to go back to seventh grade health class, where they teach you that no means no. 

“‘I take it that means you haven’t joined Team Foster-Keefe?’ Ro asked. ‘Because I have to admit, they’re pretty cute together. Especially when she gets that look in her eye like she’s going to tear off his head.’” Ro is . . . a whole other subject. But oh, god. Shannon. What are you doing. If someone consistently and constantly “gets [a] look” in their eye like they’re “going to tear off” the other person’s head, then that’s a sign that that other person is annoying and that they don’t enjoy spending time together. The other person is obviously driving the first person crazy and enjoys it, so why would you encourage that??? Stop feeding into this narrative that that’s a healthy thing to have. It’s not. It’s completely toxic for Keefe to take pleasure in annoying Sophie, and it’s disgusting that Sophie is just expected to put up with it.

“‘Figured you guys would say that,’ Keefe told them, ‘even though you can’t really stop us.’ He winked at Sophie.” Oh, boy. Shannon’s really leaning into Keefe’s “bad-boy” persona, isn’t she? Someone needs to explain to her the level of cringe this invokes. Also, the winking is back. Wow, isn’t Keefe so cool. You know, cuz he winks at Sophie like they're in on a secret or something. Isn’t that so badass.

“‘But I think you’re also forgetting, Foster, that we’ve managed to get a lot done when school is in session. We stopped the gnomish plague while going to Exillium—and you managed to look into the Everblaze while juggling midterms. You even got your abilities fixed—and healed Alden—during the first term this year.’” Shannon, please stop using Keefe as summary and narration. We know. We read the series. We don’t need you to recap it for us. We’re well aware.

“‘You’re welcome for making it so you don’t have to stare at ten thousand reflections of yourself every day,’ Keefe told him. Sophie elbowed Keefe as she sat beside him. ‘You don’t get to brag about leaving me covered in shattered glass.’” Keefe literally just joked about destroying Foxfire . . . wow. The audacity is. Just, wow. Sure, Sophie calls him out, but it’s very light-hearted. Again, Keefe is incapable of being serious, even when the topic or time calls for it.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Much as I’m enjoying this sudden overflow of adorable Foster-rage—it’s not worth it.’” Ah, more of Keefe infantilizing Sophie and invalidating her feelings. If someone finds your anger or worry “adorable” and acts like it’s this cute little quirk, then that’s never a good thing. Especially if they enjoy it. Someone who cares about you should never enjoy seeing you angry or worried. 

“‘Uh, we all know Foster can’t bear to be away from me—and art is about honesty. That’s why I made sure I have the best hair.’” Sometimes, I wonder how some of the shit Keefe says can even be real. How is he not collapsing from the cringe? Keep in mind, this is all taking place in front of a large audience.

“‘Only for some people,’ Biana noted. ‘He gave the rest of us mood candy. Again.’” Yes, because he only cares about Sophie and prioritizes her over everyone. He only cares about her feelings and her wishes. He doesn’t extend the same courtesy to anyone else. In other words, he pedastalizes Sophie to such an extent, it makes him blind to other people’s wishes. He has such tunnel vision, it’s funny. He’s very neglectful of his other friends.

“‘I’m sure she didn’t. This’—he traced a finger over the crease between her eyebrows—’doesn’t make you very convincing.’” Keefe really needs to stop touching Sophie’s face weirdly.

“He strode over to her, and she tried to back away but crashed into the wall.” Ah, the infamous scene. Keefe once again invades Sophie’s personal space. He moves toward her, and when she tries to move away from him, he doesn’t let her move. Wow. Real upstanding guy. This is not romantic. This is creepy. 

“‘Oh, I know. But you’re forgetting something, Foster.’ He was close enough to reach out and gently tuck her hair behind her ear as he leaned in to whisper, ‘I like a challenge.’” And then, as if creeping all over Sophie wasn’t enough, he gets up in her face, touches her face, and says this cringy-ass line. Again, this is not romantic. This is creepy. 

“‘On the one hand, the look on Fitz’s face is pretty priceless right now, and I know it’s killing him not to say, ‘But we’re Cognates!’ But on the other hand . . . don’t go thinking this lets you into the Foster Fan Club, Bangs Boy!’” Can Keefe let any guy in their group do anything for Sophie without immediately seeing him as a threat?

“She could feel him reaching for her glove—and yanked her hand away.” Keefe tries to breach Sophie’s boundaries. But what else is new.

“If she’d had it her way, she’d be alone. She’d even tried asking Keefe to leave, but there was no getting rid of him.” Sophie literally asked Keefe to leave her alone, and he didn’t. He disrespects her boundaries, invalidates her feelings and assumes that she wants him around all the time, even when she tells him she doesn't want him there. That’s not being caring, that’s thinking you know someone else’s feelings better than they know their own feelings. This might be Keefe’s worst act yet. When someone wants to be left alone, you leave them alone. You don’t assume that they don’t know their own wishes and encroach on their space, instead. It’s disgusting and manipulative, and the fact that Shannon said that in a throwaway, forgettable line shows that she doesn’t understand how horrific that is. It’s also another example of Keefe being arrogant and assuming that Sophie always needs him when she’s down. Only him, because he knows her so well! It’s very cocky and somewhat entitled behavior.

Nightfall Short Story:

“‘Look! I’m all better!’ Keefe promised [ . . . ]” Why did Shannon have to make Keefe so unbearably annoying. Like, seriously. He’s told he’s going to have permanent damage if he doesn’t do bed rest and his reaction is literally Oh, well. He needs to stop treating serious issues like jokes.

“‘I can always pry those pouty lips open and pour it down your throat,’ Ro added with a smile that showed every single one of her pointed teeth.” Why is Keefe refusing to take his medicine??? Is he really that stupid and excruciating?

“‘It’s only for a week’ ‘Uh, do you realize how many times Foster can almost die in a week?’” Does Keefe really think he can stop Sophie from almost dying??? Just because of his . . . presence??? Wow, he’s even more arrogant than I thought. 

“He didn’t care what anyone said. Sophie needed his help.” Oh, boy. He really does see himself as her savior. How adorable. And by adorable, I mean obsessive and creepy. Is he really so stupid and stubborn that he’s willing to risk doing permanent damage to his body just so he can . . . see her? He won’t even be able to go with her to Nightfall??? What exactly does he think he’s going to do?

“Then he was lost to his floaty dreams, most of which focused on the gold-flecked brown eyes he could never get out of his head.” What Wattpad author held a gun to Shannon’s head for her to write this??? Damn . . . he really does have an unhealthy obsession with her. 

“‘It is. It’s going to take me a little while to make it—but it’ll seriously top every gift she’s been given before.’” Fantastic. So he’s still as arrogant as ever. Even after whatever miniscule amount of character development he supposedly gets in this story.

“From that point on, he only had one goal: to be whatever Sophie needed. Not the hero. Not the one taking charge of everything. Just a guy ready to listen and help and be there for her. A friend. Until she was ready for more.” The fact that his “one goal” is essentially to be obsessed with Sophie is kinda. Not good. Keefe is a classic case of obsessed-with-the-love-interest syndrome. It takes over everything and he can’t even do a week of bed rest without obsessing over her every single day of it. Also, the part at the end where he says “Until she was ready for more” . . . bro. I do not have the words to describe how disgusting that is. He just sort of . . . assumes that one day he and Sophie will end up together. Now, think back to all the times he’s begged Sophie not to hate him. Even at this moment, he knows Sophie’s angry with him. If he truly thought she would hate him, why would he assume that he’d end up with her someday? It’s a walking contradiction. It’s so revolting to assume that one day someone you like will end up with you. It also proves my point that Shannon only throws all those “Please don’t hate me”s in there to attract pity for Keefe. If he actually believed she would ever hate him, he wouldn’t assume so readily that one day she would be “ready for more”. Pick a lane Shannon: he can either be sure Sophie will want to be with him someday, or he can think she hates him, but you can’t have it both ways. They’re opposites.

Flashback:

“‘[ . . . ] forced herself to meet Keefe’s ice blue eyes. ‘I’m fine.’ When he raised one eyebrow, she added, ‘I’m just frustrated [ . . . ]’” (7) That’s right, the page numbers return. And I have physical copies of the rest of the series, so they’re here to stay. It may seem like Keefe is just trying to check on Sophie and make sure she’s okay, which is a noble cause, but when someone says they don’t want to talk about something, that means they don’t want to talk about it. That does not mean you prod and prod until they spill. So many things Sophie tells Keefe get twisted and people think she tells him because she trusts him, but more often than not she doesn’t and he just prods her or extorts them out of her.

“‘You’re so adorable when you worry. I’ve told you that, right?’” (12) Yes, you have, and saying it more doesn’t make it any less icky and gross and infantilizing. It’s like he’s dumbing Sophie down to this object who only exists to entertain him with her adowabuw wittle feewings, instead of a person with very real, very complex emotions.

“He traced his thumb over the sliver of skin between her glove and the edge of her beaded sleeve. ‘There’s something you’re not saying right now. I can feel it.’” (12) Keefe once again breaches boundaries because he can’t keep his nose out of other people’s personal feelings. He has no right to just help himself to Sophie’s emotions like that. It’s a massive breach of boundaries, and then using that to try to pry the secret out of her is nothing short of repulsive behavior.

“‘Come on, Foster. It’s me. You know you can trust me.’” (12) Does she? Does she know that? Because it seems like in order to trust Keefe, Sophie would have to know that for herself, instead of having Keefe feed that to her. Sophie likely does trust Keefe, even if her trust is misplaced, but saying it like that is very, very manipulative. And Sophie really shouldn’t trust Keefe, because almost everything she tells him is manipulated and extorted out of her. She’d tell him a lot less if it weren’t for his toxic traits and extortive empathy. 

“‘Lord Hunkyhair,’ Keefe corrected. ‘What? It’s accurate.’ He tossed his head like he was in a shampoo commercial.” (20) I forgot about this atrocious nickname.

“‘Fintan knew Keefe would be dumb enough to go after them,’ Ruy added, ‘so he had our Technopath make a couple of replicas.’” (89) I mean . . . he isn’t wrong about Keefe’s stupidity.

“Tam and Keefe had been feuding since the moment they’d met—even though they were so similar it was kind of hilarious.” (117) Again, if Shannon wants us to believe that Keefe and Tam have this deep rivalry, rather than Keefe being jealous of Tam and Tam thinking Keefe’s annoying because he gets possessive of Sophie, then she’s going to have to put a lot more effort into it then that.

“‘It’s okay to hate me,’ Keefe said from the doorway.” (138) Oh, boy, here comes the forced consolation scene pity-party. That’s going to take up a whole two chapters, by the way. I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want to watch Keefe wallow in his own self-pity while Sophie strokes his ego for two entire chapters. 

“‘Fintan’s good. His emotions always felt normal when I asked about the caches. A little nervous. A little suspicious. Exactly the way he would’ve felt if they were real.’” Wait, Keefe asked Fintan about the caches??? This is just getting better and better, by which I mean Keefe’s getting stupider and stupider. My guy. Have some subtlety. When asking about something you want, you don’t just outright ask that. Keefe’s even dumber than I thought. Seriously, how did he think he was smarter than the Neverseen?

[cut because character limit]

“‘Don’t beat yourself up about the caches. We’ll figure something out.’” (140) That’s the thing, though. Keefe needs to do some serious thinking about his choices and how they affect the entire thing. He needs to have that development. But Shannon wants to convince the audience that he’s fine the way he is. He doesn’t need to repent and change! He just needs to be entirely devoted to Sophie and everyone will still love him. He faces no consequences for running off with the Neverseen at all, despite the fact that he set them back. A lot. He’s still allowed to be in on all their plans and still trusted. Do you see what I mean? It’s like it never happened. It’s like he never ran off to join the Neverseen. There’s no impact. Everyone still trusts him, everyone still relies on him, nobody’s wary, nobody thinks he’s going to mess something else up, even though he’s proven, time and time again, that he’s reckless and cannot be trusted. Keefe cannot be trusted. But the narrative refuses to acknowledge it. He should be forced to sit on the side while everyone else comes up with a plan that excludes him. That should be when he realizes he can’t be trusted because he thinks he’s smarter than everyone and messes everything up. Keefe’s arc practically wrote itself for Shannon, but she refuses to let her character have growth. Keefe needs to have people, especially Sophie, be mad at him, so that he can realize what he did that was so wrong.

“‘You don’t have to tell me I’m a jerk,’ Keefe mumbled. ‘I already know.’” (147) Does he? Because if he was truly sorry, he would volunteer to sit on the sideline, so he knew he wouldn’t mess anything up again. He would volunteer to face whatever consequences he should’ve had coming for his actions. But he doesn’t. Because he isn’t truly repentant. He’s just throwing a pity party for himself. In the end, he’s just a pity magnet whose only purpose in the story is to lay it on thick so that he can gain more and more pity. There’s really nothing to pity him for. He did the action, so he has to face the consequence. It’s that simple. But he doesn’t. Remember what I said about how Keefe, despite Shannon claiming he doesn’t want pity, really does nothing but wallow in his own self-pity to make the audience feel sorry for him? Well this entire scene is a prime example.

“[ . . . ] every reckless decision he’d made over the last year was all part of his desperate attempt to relieve the shame and fear that were eating him up inside. That was the problem with guilt.” (148) By the way, Keefe’s whole “legacy” backstory is just another excuse for his actions. In the barest sense, nothing Keefe’s mom does or plans for him is on Keefe. He has no control and none of that’s his fault. So the fact that Shannon built his entire story on the fact that he’s guilty over something he didn’t do is so stupid I don’t have the words for it. If he doesn’t have something to be guilty over, how can he be a pity magnet? But if he does have something to be guilty over, he’d actually have to do something to deserve that guilt, right? So Shannon tries to have it both ways. Her precious Keefe can’t do anything actually wrong, or he won’t be so perfectly innocent anymore. So where’s his sob story going to come from? Oh right, he’ll just feel responsible for his mom’s actions. A perfect fix to the conundrum. But really it makes no sense at all. And it gives her every excuse to heap a suffocating amount of pity on him while simultaneously having him insist he hates pity.

“‘Too bad I’m stuck being the designated loser,’ Keefe said under his breath.” (149) Quite the pity party he’s throwing for himself there. Nothing ever got accomplished because someone wallowed in their self-pity. And that’s all Keefe does. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Do you trust me?’ she asked. ‘Of course I do---that’s not the problem.’” (151) No, he may think he trusts her. But he really doesn’t. If he truly trusted her, he wouldn’t keep thinking he’s smarter than her and making plans without consulting her. He would value her input in his plans if he trusted her. He would stop feeling this incessant need to protect her and trust that she’d be able to handle herself. Because, let’s face it, more often than not, Keefe ends up giving Sophie more grief and worry than anything. She’s always worried about him and he’s even set her progress back several times. But he still thinks he needs to be there for her all the time. Not to mention, he doesn’t trust her decision when she says she doesn't want to share her feelings and thoughts with him, so he forces them out of her. True trust isn’t constantly leaping into that person's business and constantly trying to save them when they don’t need or want you to. True trust is trusting that they know what they want and need, and acting accordingly. 

“‘Umber wouldn’t have been able to find you if I hadn’t given you that pendant. Just like the day the Neverseen broke Silveny’s wing because of the Sencen crest I was wearing.’ ‘And you know what both of those things have in common?’ Sophie asked. ‘You had no idea that the Neverseen were manipulating you.’” (151) You know what I’m going to say. Forced consolation scene. The first statement Keefe says is valid. That mistake was on Keefe. He’s the one who thought he was smarter than everyone and then made such horrible mistakes that Sophie and Fitz will now have to recover for a third of this book. That was entirely on him. And honestly, pity shouldn’t be the automatic reaction. Anger is fine, too. But if Sophie’s angry at Keefe (as she should be), how can the narrative continue to pity him? But Keefe’s second statement is clearly thrown in there to attract pity. Look, it’s poor Keefe again, blaming himself for his mom’s actions again. It’s not pitiable. It’s just plain stupid. That wasn’t on Keefe in the slightest. The narrative then tries to equate both these actions with each other in Sophie’s statement, which is clearly an attempt to absolve Keefe of any blame for what he did when he was with the Neverseen. He underestimated his opponent and in his overconfidence, thought he could outplay them. He took a stupid risk without considering what his team would think and stole the pendant back without a thought in the direction of whether the Neverseen would suspect him. He even says in Lodestar that he didn’t know what he was going to do if the Neverseen figured out what happened (I have the quote up there somewhere). That’s the thing. That entire situation is on him. It’s his mess and his fault. But the Sencen crest isn’t. Shannon, please stop comparing two incomparable situations to make Keefe look good. Also, what does Keefe even want? What is the point of him doing all this wallowing? Does he want Sophie to blame and hate him? No, obviously not. Does he want to be punished and face the consequences of his actions? No, because if he did, he would suggest that. So, in the end, all his wallowing, and dare I say whining, is just that: whining. It leads nowhere, does nothing, results in no ideas for how Keefe wants to prevent something similar from happening again, and is just Shannon trying to make Keefe pitiable. There is no point to any of this. It results in no change, no development, no ideas from Keefe about how he will change, which makes it the perfect recipe for an easily resettable conversation. Because that’s all these forced consolation scenes are. The same exact conversation, which results in no change, so that it can be had over and over and over. 

This scene is so unbearably long, and for what? Unfortunately, I can’t copy down the whole thing, but oh, boy. Shannon really needs to stop these horrible forced consolation scenes that eat up so much time. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Ugh, I shouldn’t tell you this, since it’ll just make you think I’m even more messed up than you already do—’ [ . . . ] ‘All I know is, weapons and blood don’t bother me the way they bother other people, so . . . yeah. Feel free to think I’m super creepy—” (161) The forced consolation is really being laid on thick. Shannon has switched from Sophie comforting Keefe over his guilt over something he didn’t do (over and over and over, just so Shannon can really annoy the point into us) to Sophie saying Keefe isn’t creepy because . . . weapons and blood don’t bother him. Huh??? Why would someone get freaked out because someone else isn’t bothered by blood??? That doesn’t automatically make them a killer. What kind of leap in logic is this??? But of course, Shannon has to have something to fuel her forced consolation scenes, and she’s burnt out all the Keefe’s-guilt-over-his-mom thing, so she has to switch to something else. Also, Keefe couldn’t be more of a pity magnet. He literally thought that Sophie would hate him because . . . weapons don’t freak him out. While they’re in the middle of a war. Wow. Shannon so badly wants us to pity him, it’s pathetic. Sophie needs to be Keefe’s personal assurance robot over something, so now it’s his nonaversion to blood. That’s the thing. Sophie always has to reassure Keefe of some dumb thing he shouldn’t worry about, and Shannon loves to blow it out of proportion to make it seem like this huge thing when it’s not. That’s why her forced consolation scenes are so forced. Because the consolation happens over the stupidest things. And there’s so many of them, like Shannon’s trying to convince us that we should really think this is something worth spending so much page time on. 

“‘Well, I think it’s safe to say that the Fitzphie slumber party is a total snoozefest,’ Keefe said [ . . . ]” (219) Keefe’s incessant use of ship names and the term “fest” returns with a vengeance. I honestly don’t get how Shannon didn’t see how juvenile his dialogue sounds. He doesn’t sound fifteen. He sounds six.

“‘You’ve had this campus to yourself all night every night, and you haven’t caused even a tiny bit of chaos.’” (223) Is this guy for real??? Serious??? While she’s literally on bed rest? I- I don’t have the words to describe how stupid he is. And if he isn’t being serious, then oh, boy, are his jokes so atrociously bad it concerns me.

“‘I’m really not in the mood.’ ‘I know—that’s what makes it extra fun. Go on.’” (225) Keefe stop salivating at any opportunity to annoy Sophie for his own amusement challenge. Keefe stop being a selfish piece of shit challenge.

“‘I thought if they saw me as Captain Committed, they’d teach me something good.’” (227) Shannon really needs to stop with the atrocity that is her nickname humor. 

“‘I shouldn’t have brought up any of those worries. Edaline warned me that you need to stay calm right now.’” (231) Nothing to say about this right now, but just remember this quote. I’ll touch on it in a little bit. Coloring it green to make it easy. 

“‘Rest. Recover. Take whatever medicine and time you need to get strong again. And trust the rest of us to cover anything that comes up while you’re down.’” (233) If only Keefe had taken his own advice a book ago . . . and someone's going to say "But he learned his lesson, didn't he?" To that, I say I've already covered all the reasons why he really didn't.

“‘I didn’t get swoony,’ Sophie felt the need to point out. ‘Keep telling yourself that, Foster. Keeeeeeeeeep telling yourself that.’” (235) First of all, counting those Es out was misery. At some point in Nightfall, Shannon really starts to jack up the amount of times she does that stretchy-word thing. And secondly, Keefe’s lack of self-awareness is as cringy as ever.

“‘I think Scaley Butt should be near Krakie so it looks like they’re swimming together. And then Bitey could be close to The Stink so it looks like he’s trying to chomp him.’” (251) A perfect example of Keefe’s atrocious mixture of potty humor and nickname humor, in the worst way possible.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Yeah, what time should we arrive to catch the Great Fitzphie Ooze Fest?’” (301) Someone needs to take away Shannon’s ability to type the word “fest”. Also Keefe’s horrible nicknames paired with immature humor strikes again. 

“‘I thought you weren’t supposed to be teasing Fitz,’ Sophie reminded him instead. ‘I’m not, but . . . he makes it so easy.’” (303) So when Keefe doesn’t want to set Sophie’s recovery back, he takes measures to make sure he doesn’t (remember that quote I told you to remember?), but when he has to do the same with Fitz, he doesn’t even seem remorseful when he slips up. He clearly favors Sophie, and remember, Fitz is supposed to be his best friend. He really doesn’t care about Fitz or his recovery at all. But he cares about Sophie’s.

“‘Hear that, Ro?’ he interrupted. ‘She’s giving me her serious voice.’” (304) Another example of Keefe infantilizing Sophie and dumbing her feelings down for the sake of a joke. Awwww, isn’t her serious voice so cute? She only does that when she thinks she has something important to say to us grown-ups! Awwwwwww. 

“‘He really doesn’t know when to quit, does he?’ Ro asked Sophie. ‘I’m pretty sure it’s a disease,’ Fitz told her. ‘Coping mechanism,’ Keefe argued.” (309) Shannon, pointing out Keefe’s flaws doesn’t give him character development. You actually have to like. Develop him. Also, the fact that Keefe had the perfect chance to reflect and change and instead decided to be as resistant to growth as he always is really says something about him.

“‘Why else would you spend so much time helping Miss Foster’s cause?’ ‘Uh . . . you’ve seen how cute she is, right?’” (312) Oh, gosh. Shannon really cranked Keefe’s atrocious humor up to eleven for this book, and since a good chunk of this book is filler, that’s all we have to go on for a good section. And if I thought it was bad when it was sectioned out, it’s even more unbearable now that Shannon is dumping it all on us at once. First of all, Keefe basically flat-out admitted a good chunk of his motive is because he wants to impress Sophie. People will argue and say that he’s just joking, but reading his short story was proof enough that he’s not really kidding. And second of all, Shannon really uses the word “Uh” a lot in this book right before someone makes a joke. It was fine at first, but it becomes so noticeable as the book goes on. It’s like she’s trying to tell us to brace for a joke. 

“I tell Keefe that stuff because it’s been the only way to get him to open up to me, she explained.” (323) Actually, more often than not, she doesn’t want to tell him anything. Usually, he forces it out of her with his empathy or manipulation or his general annoying demeanor. But thank you for twisting the narrative, Shannon. 

“Keefe guessed most of the story on his own, and I couldn’t deny it because Empaths are annoyingly impossible to lie to.” (324) That is not what happened. It’s explicitly said that Keefe “dragged the story out of her through relentless questions” (paraphrase, I have the real quote up there somewhere). He didn’t have to ask that. He could’ve respected Sophie’s boundaries and feelings. But he always has to stick his nose in everything when he thinks it’s his business. Fitz actually has a way better reason to know than Keefe; he just wants to improve their cognate relationship, but Keefe just wants to be nosy.

“She wasn’t sure if they were allowed to tell him—but it was so much easier than arguing.” (336) Keefe has literally annoyed Sophie so much that she doesn’t even think it’s worth the fight to keep a secret. That’s not good. It means that Sophie just succumbs to whatever he wants without a thought. That’s pretty much the highest sign of a toxic relationship.

“‘But you're kinda scraping bottom if you’re using me as the model of good decisions. Especially decisions concerning my parents.’” (337) Once again, Keefe shows that he’s fully aware of how dumb he is, he’s just so overly stubborn that he refuses to change. Shannon acts like this is an innate part of her personality and refuses to acknowledge it as a flaw. 

[cut because character limit]

“It’s always fun when you get feisty.” (355) I’ve said this about a gajillion times, but Keefe’s infantilization of Sophie is so horrific, it’s like he doesn’t care about her at all. He just sees her emotions as amusement for himself. 

“My life isn’t perfect, Fitz argued. Maybe not. But it’s pretty close, dude. I mean, yeah, Alvar’s a creep—but you still have your dad. And your mom. And Biana. And you’re still top of our class. And you’re Foster’s Cognate and . . . even without all of that, you’re still a Vacker. You’re always going to be the golden boy everyone expects greatness from. And I’ll always be the mess.” (360) Wow, Keefe is throwing quite the pity-party there for himself. If he didn’t want pity (which he explicitly says), then why does he keep saying he’s a mess? What are people supposed to say to that, besides You’re not a mess? Does he want them to tell him he’s a mess? This is a real thing people do, by the way, where they say negative things about themselves so that other people will reassure them they’re wrong. Keefe’s a massive hypocrite. If he truly didn’t want any sympathy, he wouldn’t keep saying he’s a mess and keep forcing the subject. Also, Fitz’s life is not perfect. Especially not now. I touched on this briefly before, but Keefe wouldn’t be jealous of Fitz being the top of their class. It makes no sense, when Keefe goes out of his way to cause trouble for himself in the academic department. It might make sense if Keefe tried and studied and still never matched Fitz, but we already know he doesn’t care. So this is another statement that’s just meant to attract pity and sympathy.

“Sophie had no idea what that meant—but it didn’t matter. I’m always going to be your friend. So am I, Fitz added. You sure about that? Keefe asked [ . . . ]” (361) Again, if Keefe really didn’t want pity, he wouldn’t keep going out of his way to say things that invoke pity. He would try to stay as far away from the subject as possible.

“‘Remember that? Such a classic Keephie moment!’” (380) Shannon needs to stop doing this whole self-aware thing. It doesn’t make her look smart to have Keefe talk about the ships in this series like he’s not involved in the story. It’s incredibly cringy.

“Is this that thing adults do where they make you think they’re giving you what you want but really they’re just wasting your time?’” (381) Another thing Shannon does is try to make the kids ““““““relatable”””””” by having them complain about adults all the time. Which is not how teenagers actually are. And once again, Keefe gets it the worst. Also, ungrateful much? Tiergan essentially offered to give him what he wants and he still fights it.

“‘Yeah, well [Sophie wearing Linh’s tunic] still breaks the fan club rules. As penance, I’m getting you a tunic that says, Empaths Give Me All the Feels, and I expect to see you wear it twice as often as Bangs Boy’s.’” (421) This is a joke, but the fact that Keefe makes such a big deal out of the tunic says a lot about his pathetic jealousy of Tam.

“Nah, he likes you better than me. Everyone does.’ ‘No they don’t.’ ‘Oh really? Tell me this: Have you heard from the Fitzster since he went home for the happy family reunion?’” (519) Another example of Keefe wallowing in self-pity. This book easily gets it the worst. It feels like everytime Keefe’s on-page, Shannon uses it to invoke more and more pity for him. If he doesn’t want people to pity him, then why does he keep saying things that invoke pity??? He doesn’t need to. Again, what exactly does he want Sophie to say? “Yes, Keefe, everyone hates you”? He is such a pity magnet and I get so tired of his constant whining because Shannon just does it so much. Then Keefe has the audacity to turn around and say shit like “I don’t want your pity”. Like, Keefe. My guy. You kinda sorta aren’t really giving them a choice with the things you say. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Everything okay? Need me to leap over there? I will—I don’t care if Ro wins the bet.’” (521) First of all, if Sophie was not okay, what is Keefe going to do to make her feel better? Talk to her? He’s already doing that right now. Maybe read her emotions and extort a secret out of her? Also why does he automatically assume that Sophie needs him when she’s feeling down? That’s just. Such a bold assumption to make. Also, the fact that he’s so obsessed with Sophie to the point of throwing his bet under the bus just because she . . . looked tired? Is not good. That’s not a good thing. It’s a textbook sign of obsession. And Keefe’s obsession with and prioritization of Sophie is incredibly toxic. Again, if Shannon had made that out to be a negative quality on his part, it would be fine. But instead, she makes it seem like a desirable trait. He’s probably not willing to do that for anyone else, too. Like I’m sure he wouldn’t be willing to do that for Fitz, since he’s already admitted that he hasn’t talked to Fitz since he left the Healing Center. That’s on Fitz, too, sure, but a relationship goes two ways. So it’s also on Keefe.

“‘Sounds like I need to head over there after Daddy’s little hugfest tomorrow.’” (522) I just ranted about his obsession with Sophie, but this line is mostly here because it’s another example of Shannon’s love for the term “fest”.

“‘I can tell there’s something you're not telling me right now—but I’m not going to force you to talk about it. If you say you’re good, I’ll trust you.’” (522) Where did this sudden change come from? I know I’ve complained about this incessantly for this entire rant, but this seriously came out of nowhere. There was no development that led to this. It’s also a complete throwaway line, like blink-and-you-miss-it kind of thing. It’s a good thing, but it feels like Shannon randomly realized how creepy Keefe has been this entire time and shoehorned this in so it’d make him feel less creepy. Well, telling isn’t showing, Shannon, and it doesn’t change the fact that Keefe does this. A lot. 

“‘[ . . . ] if you and Fitz are visiting troll-baby hives without me, I am definitely losing at life, you know?’” (671) Someone needs to tell this guy that he doesn’t have to be a part of everything that happens in Sophie’s life. 

“‘So . . . you don’t hate me?’ Sophie rolled her eyes. ‘Ugh, how many times do I have to tell you—I’m never going to hate you!’ His smile looked tired. ‘Well. I guess that’s good enough. For now.’” (684) Again, Shannon really tries hard to make us pity Keefe. Also, that last part. Sophie not hating Keefe being “good enough” “for now” obviously implies that Keefe expects something more from her in the future. Shannon almost certainly wrote this with Sokeefe implications in mind, which is such a shitty thing for Keefe to say. He’s basically saying “You being my friend is fine for now, but one day I expect something more”. It’s honestly incredibly shitty. But also really subtle. So it can be skipped over or accidentally ignored.

“‘Thank you for thinking about me,’ he whispered. ‘No one does that.’ ‘Lots of people care about you, Keefe,’ Sophie gently corrected. He sighed. ‘I guess, but . . . ’” (725) The end of that sentence should be “those people who care about me aren’t you, and yours is the only opinion I care about because I pedestalize you heavily”. Again, if Keefe really didn’t want pity, he wouldn’t keep bringing things like this up. Plenty of people care about Keefe. He just pushes them all away except Sophie and then turns around and basically claims Sophie’s the only one thinking of him. Again, he prioritizes Sophie and then gets all woe is me, nobody cares about me except Sophie when he is the one pushing them all away.

[cut because character limit]

There isn’t really a quote to go with this, but Keefe only uses his emotional-calming breezes for Sophie, when it’s been proven they can work on anybody. He doesn't use them to help Fitz, although Fitz definitely could’ve used a couple throughout the climax of this book. He doesn’t use them to help Linh, either, when Linh learns about Tam. It's another way he pedestalizes Sophie to an unhealthy extent, and it’s not a good thing. 

Flashback Short Story: Keefe

“‘Sophie’s not some prize that Fitz and I get to fight over. She’s a person. And she has her own feelings—and no one knows those feelings better than I do!’” Again, it feels like Shannon randomly realized she had Keefe act like a jealous, possessive, manipulative asshole for the past book and wanted to turn that around so she added this in. But saying it doesn’t make it true. The mountain of evidence I’ve provided should make that clear enough. Again, it’s part of Shannon’s not-so-subtle pedestalization of Keefe. And the part where he says “no one knows those feelings better than I do” . . . oh, the nerve. The only reason he knows why she’s feeling what she’s feeling half the time is because he uses his empathy to extort her secrets out of her. It’s usually not because she wants to tell him or trusts him with whatever she’s feeling. 

Legacy

“‘Tell me why you have that cute little crease between your eyebrows.’” (70) You already know what I’m going to say. Keefe finding Sophie’s worry cute is textbook infantilization. But also, if he finds her worry and anger so adorable, what’s he gonna do when the Neverseen are defeated and Sophie doesn’t have as many things worrying her?

“‘You already know my mom gave me a letter to deliver to a house in London with a green door,’ he reminded Sophie as she made her way over. ‘And you said Fintan told you she sent me there to recruit somebody.’” (75) Yet another example of Shannon using Keefe’s dialogue as narration for things the audience already knows. I’m sure you’ve all heard of the “As you know” cardinal writing sin, but this is even worse than that because writers usually use it to convey something the audience doesn’t know. But Shannon literally used this to convey something the audience is already aware of. What the heck??? Shannon, stop treating your audience like we’re stupid. We read the previous book. We know what’s happening.

By the way, Sophie has some of the issues I’ve talked about here, too. Within a few pages alone in this chapter, she’s already gotten butthurt that Keefe left her out of one of his personal projects and tries to force her way into it (being nosy about things that aren’t strictly her business) and grabs one of his notebooks without his permission while he looks visibly uncomfortable and flips through it (invading his personal privacy). So it’s not just Keefe that has the problems I’ve listed here. But this list is strictly about Keefe, as I’ve said, so I won’t talk about anyone else, so in case you’re thinking “Well, [other character] did that too, and you never talked about it”, it’s because this list is solely reasons I don’t like Keefe. 

“‘I’m not sitting any of this out! And if you try to lock me up, it’s on.’” (88) Keefe once again demonstrates a startling lack of growth. He acts like a petulant child whose parents won’t let them go outside while it’s raining or something. He just got information that the Neverseen, specifically Tam, have been ordered to kill him. And knowing this, he insists on not “sitting any of this out”, even though he knows that he’s been ordered to be killed. He once again doesn’t care about how this might impact Sophie’s mental health, and his stupidity is back with full force. When you’re told that someone wants you, specifically you, dead, you listen. He’s so headstrong and arrogant that he thinks he can just, what, not be killed by pure determination? The Neverseen have already proven he can’t just do that. If Keefe could just make a single smart decision in his life or listen to a single good piece of advice, he might not be so annoying and frustrating as a character all the time.

“‘If something goes down in Loamnore like Forkle’s predicting, I will be there with you guys. Just like I’ll be there for anything else that happens—so let’s not make this into a fight, okay?’” (90) Once again, Keefe proves that he cannot take good advice. He throws his loved ones’ mental health under the bus because he’s too selfish not to sit one battle out for their sake. He still hasn’t faced a single consequence for the whole running-off-to-join-the-Neverseen thing, which he admitted in the last book was his biggest mistake. Actions like that should have consequences. And when you’ve been preemptively warned that you might be killed and still choose to go into the battle . . . wow. That’s just plain stupidity. And again, the fact that Keefe is willing to forsake Sophie’s opinion on the matter is ridiculously arrogant and taking-over-ish.

[cut because character limit]

“‘You’ll say, “Wow, that’s the hottest Wanderling I’ve ever seen! Who knew a tree could have such awesome hair?” And then you’ll all sit under my stunning leaves and write poems about my general amazingness.’” (91) Again, Keefe doesn’t know when to be serious. You can’t just joke your way through everything. Some things need to be treated with an appropriate amount of gravity. And Keefe doesn't know when to shut up with the jokes. It’s not a good quality. It makes him tone-deaf and insensitive. 

“‘I can joke about anything!’” (91) Like I just said, this isn’t a flex. It’s not a good thing. It’s very much a bad quality to have. People don’t need jokes all the time. They need them during appropriate times. 

“‘We’re always complaining that we don’t have any good leads. But I’m the lead. And I can’t help you guys if I’m hiding.’” (93) Keefe’s even stupider than I thought, which is really saying something. If Keefe’s the lead, then by definition, he doesn’t have to go anywhere to be useful. His argument is literally “I’m a lead to possibly useful information so you should let me go places”. Serious??? Real??? Bro. Keefe can be a lead sitting at home just fine. You don’t have to go anywhere to draw in a notebook. The fact that this is his argument and the fact that it’s not countered is just plain ridiculous. And stupid. Did I mention stupid? Because this argument is so stupid.

“‘Master elixir maker, ultimate gadget manipulator, and he scored a Foster kiss before Fitzy.’” (94) Keefe literally just casually spilled Sophie’s secret, emphasis on secret, to Sandor and Ro when he knew Sophie didn’t want him to. That’s just. And it’s treated so casually by the narrative. Sophie gets over it in half a second, and she just tells Keefe to stop distracting her. That’s it. This is a huge violation of trust and privacy and Keefe just every-so-casually violated it to try to distract Sophie for half a second. That’s just. It’s so. That is revolting behavior. It’s toxic, it’s selfish, it’s embarrassing (for Sophie), and Keefe, once again, faces no consequences for his actions. The line is a complete throwaway one, and Shannon’s attempt to make this a seemingly normal thing to do instead of the disgusting thing it really was is pathetic. I’d also like to mention that just a book ago, Sophie wouldn’t even tell Fitz, her cognate, who only wanted this information for the sake of their bond, the full story, because Dex had not consented to having the secret spilled. And now Keefe just spills it and you’re telling me Sophie’s just chill with that???

“‘See, but “smart” isn’t my brand. I’m more “reckless dream guy without a care”! It’s part of my whole “bad boy” image.’” (95) Did. Did Keefe just describe himself using blatant stereotypes? Wow. I- That’s just. Wow. Shannon really doesn’t have a single iota of shame. Also, her trying to make Keefe’s recklessness seem like a personality quirk instead of a very real flaw that could get someone else or himself killed is very troubling. Shannon. Stop treating Keefe’s recklessness like a good thing and stop letting him do reckless things without a hint of consequence. I promise nothing bad will happen to you if Keefe is allowed to grow and develop like a good character.

[cut because character limit]

“‘Yup! But I can’t stop her, so I might as well let her take you down with me.’” (97) This is Keefe talking about Ro using him as a lie detector to extort Sophie’s secret out of her, by the way. Which Keefe agrees to do. Which he wouldn’t do if he really was a good friend. Just like Sophie wouldn’t have to make this deal with Ro if Keefe would just listen to good advice for once and do the smart thing. But he doesn’t care about Sophie’s mental health, and he doesn't care about Sophie’s feelings, because or else he would respect them by agreeing to stay out of the Neverseen’s way and not using his empathy to extort secrets Sophie clearly doesn't want to share out of her. And Ro. Honestly, she’s even worse than Keefe, partly because of her personality, but mostly because of the wasted potential. Keefe was always going to be the “bad boy angsty prankster with daddy issues that causes trouble” trope that we've seen a million times. But Ro could’ve been so much more. She’s the ogre princess, and the most Shannon could do with her is make her a Sokeefe fangirl.

“‘He just doesn’t take no for an answer—you know how Keefe is.’” (147) Take that quote out of context, Shannon. I dare you. I wish Shannon would stop treating Keefe’s toxicity as a quirky little trait. The “you know how he is” implies that he’s like that because Keefe’s just Keefe, not because he forces his way into everything even when he shouldn’t. No means no. That is the number one rule of a healthy relationship. We teach this shit in school to teenagers so they don’t end up in abusive relationships, come on, Shannon. Even some random kid with a C- in health class knows more about toxic relationships than you do.

“‘I just love how it took you less than a day after your little chat with Bangs Boy to cut me out of everything.’” (215) Why are we looping back to this conversation??? We already spent almost a hundred pages of the book on it, and no, that is not an exaggeration. You can check. But of course, Keefe can’t not whine. He can’t not be annoying. He can’t not be stupid and nosy and unconcerned for his own safety and take everything Sophie does without him personally.

“‘Not saying she wouldn’t try. But I bet you anything Keefe will find a loophole.’” (270) I really wish people would stop acting like Keefe’s this super smart, all-powerful entity that can get out of any situation just because he’s Keefe. More often than not, Keefe is really stupid. He’s certainly not smart enough to figure out a way to escape an ogre dungeon. People need to stop acting like Keefe could get out of anything. It’s just another way Shannon tries to convince us he’s this smart guy, which is another way of propping up his arrogance.

“‘Yeah, Dex told me all about how not exhausting that was last night, when he checked in to tell me how things went for you two in London, while someone was off doing something with Mr. Forkle that was clearly both frustrating and intense—as most things with Forkle tend to be.’” (351) Sophie immediately goes to Keefe, and he subtly blames Sophie for not telling him what happened because of what she was doing with Forkle, which he even admits was frustrating and intense. That is such an asshole move, I can’t even. He literally blames her for not checking in with him because she had an emotionally exhausting day. Wow. It’s like he expects Sophie to be as obsessed with him as he is with her. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘But do you really think you’re going to be able to leave here without telling me what happened with the Forklenator? If you do, you’re going to be sorely, sorely disappointed—and covered in biscuit crumbs.’” (351) Again, Keefe as good as admits that he’d force Sophie to spill if she didn’t tell him what happened with Mr. Forkle. His extortive ways need to stop being glorified and start being treated like the horrific manipulation it is. 

“‘Soooooooo, what you’re saying is, you think I’m the king of bad decisions,’ Keefe said, laughing when Sophie fumbled for an apology. ‘Relax—I know what you meant. I’m just giving you a hard time. And you have a point. I’m not necessarily great at doing what I’m supposed to do and giving people what they want. And I’m not usually sorry about it either.’” (352) Those goshdarned Os. Shannon. Please stop doing that. It’s so annoying. And why is Sophie trying to apologize? It’s clearly Shannon’s way of making Keefe seem somewhat right. But the truth is, Keefe needs to have these hard truths shoved in his face. He needs someone to tell him unapologetically that he makes horrible decisions and he needs to reflect on that and change. And lastly. That third sentence. Keefe literally sounds . . . proud. Of the fact that he’s never sorry. He’s never sorry about his horrible decisions and he’s fine with that. His arrogance extends so much so that he knows he’s made bad decisions and knows that he should apologize, but doesn’t. And then he brushes that off so casually, like Haha, I don’t apologize for my mistakes. Aren’t I so quirky? People who are genuinely trying to be better usually aren’t like that. Keefe's toxicity and refusal to change even when he knows he should is so frustrating. Like he’s completely resistant to change and Shannon thinks that’s cool and badass. It’s not. It’s cringy and try-hard and most importantly, annoying.

“Keefe snatched Fitz’s wrist. ‘I knew it!’ ‘Knew what?’ Fitz shouted, trying to wrench his arm away. Keefe tightened his grip. ‘Shhhhh, let the Empath work.’” (367) Oh, boy. Keefe really is such a manipulative asshole. He grabs Fitz’s hand to read his emotions because he wants to know why Fitz is offering to search his dad’s memories. He really can’t respect his supposed best friend’s privacy, can he? He can’t control himself; when he wants to know something he needs to have it right away. He breaches people’s trust and boundaries. Fitz tries to “wrench his arm away”, meaning that he’s uncomfortable and clearly doesn’t want this. But Keefe instead tightens his grip and forcibly extricates what he wants out of Fitz, even having the audacity to say “let the Empath work”. What an asshole. Honestly. He’s such a piece of shit. He’s a terrible person and the fact that Shannon is romanticizing this behavior is revolting.

“Keefe smirked. ‘I think the moral of this conversation is, females are cruel.’” (369) I know I said I was ready to forgive Keefe’s sexist comments in the first and second books because they likely weren’t intentional in the way they came off (and are more of Shannon’s problem than Keefe’s really, but all of Keefe’s problems are inevitably Shannon’s, so) and they’d been removed from the graphic novel, so it was safe to say that Shannon didn’t want them there on second thought. But this book? It was released in 2019, seven years later. So yes, I’m counting this. And I said this once or twice already, but authors need to stop having male love interests be so casually sexist as a way of making them ““““““cooler””””””. Especially in a world where sexism isn’t supposed to even exist, oh my goodness. 

[cut because character limit]

“But she couldn’t leave without making sure Keefe was okay. He assured her he would be—and the third time he said it, he almost sounded convincing.” (371) That’s right. Sophie checks on Keefe not once, not twice, but three times to make sure he’s okay. Because . . . his dad’s going to have his memories searched by Fitz. Something that doesn’t even really involve him. But Sophie didn’t show even close to the same level of concern for Fitz, even though he’s clearly going through something with Alvar and Keefe explicitly says he’s feeling a mixture of embarrassment and anger. She doesn’t try to talk to him about it, doesn’t try to make sure he’ll be okay. Nothing. But Keefe has to be pampered and pitied. Of course. It shows another clear prioritization in the narrative of Keefe.

There’s not really a single quote I can pull to show this from Legacy (although there is actually a quote from Flashback page 48 that I have up there somewhere), but Sophie claims she understands all of Keefe’s actions because he’s doing it because of guilt with what happened with his mom. Every reckless decision he’s made was in an attempt to cope with that, right? But now, Fitz is going through the same thing. And not for a single second does Sophie try to apply the same understanding to Fitz about what it must be like to feel guilt and shame over a traitorous family member. Instead, all that spare pity goes to Keefe. The double standards, honestly.

“‘And don’t think I’m going to forget about the E.L. Fudges you owe me,’” (371) It’s a small thing, but Keefe never actually asks Sophie to get him the cookies. He just demands it from her, and now she apparently “owe[s]” them to him. 

“‘I mean, I feel like if there’s one thing Fitzy and I both excel at, it’s making you angry.’” (542) You should never excel at making someone you care about angry. That’s not a good thing. (Yes, this applies to Fitz as well, but at least he always apologizes and makes amends. Keefe, not so much.)

“‘Okay, but just because you guys are smart enough to think of that doesn’t mean the Neverseen are,’ Keefe argued. ‘And even if you’re right, isn’t it worth it to double-check?’” (558) Is he really this stupid. Please tell me this isn’t real. Keefe. This is the Neverseen. Of course they’re smart enough to think of that! They’re always a million steps ahead and for the last seven books, we know that underestimating them leads to terrible things. Keefe’s stupidity is really just so. Ugh. And no. It’s not “worth it” to “double-check” a place where they know the Neverseen frequently go. All Keefe ever wants to do is run straight into danger without a plan and all Sophie (and the narrative) ever does is let him without any consequences. 

“‘Yeah, well, then you proved my mom’s a murderer, so excuse me for freaking out a little,’ Keefe snapped, tearing a hand through his hair.” (559) Freaking out would be understandable. And he is. But Keefe wants to go straight to London to a place where the Neverseen are known to go without a plan just because . . . he thinks it will trigger a memory. No guarantee, he just thinks it will. This guy is so stupid, and I’m so tired of the way everyone in the story (mostly Sophie) just bends to his will. Because it’s Keefe. 

“‘I don’t care about safe or smart right now,’ Keefe added quietly. ‘I care about finding the truth. Just let me walk those streets. That’s all I’m asking.’” (559) No, “all [he’s] asking” is to go to a place where they know the Neverseen go. He also literally admitted that he doesn’t care about safety or being smart. Why the heck does anyone take this guy seriously? He should be put in his place right now, not encouraged. But that’s what the narrative does. Instead of punishing him for his reckless behavior, the narrative instead glorifies it. Not to mention, he’s not supposed to go anywhere the Neverseen could be right now. Because they think they’re trying to kill him. 

[cut because character limit]

“Mostly, though, she’d seen Keefe like this before—dangling by such a very, very thin thread. There was too high of a risk that it would snap and he’d run off without her.” (560) And when Keefe needs something, everyone needs to bend over backwards to accommodate him. He’s such a spoiled brat and it’s so tiring to watch the narrative justify his actions over and over again. He gets special treatment. As soon as he needs something, even if it goes against every single logical decision that could possibly be made, Sophie will make sure he gets it. Or at least Shannon will. He should not be encouraged, he should be punished for this. 

“‘I know I’ve made huge mistakes in the past, but I’m trying to learn from them—and the last thing I ever want to do is let you down. Okay?’” (568) He says, while going on an excursion to a place where the Neverseen regularly go after blatantly admitting he doesn’t care about safety or being smart. He just wants to get his way. That’s his problem. He’s so emotional, and not at all rational. He can’t see two steps in front of him because all he cares about is himself and what he thinks he can find, and he’s willing to sideline smarter ideas because he still thinks he’s smarter than everyone. So no, he has not learned a single thing. It’s laughable that he thinks he has. And we also get more pedestalization of Sophie, with him saying he never wants to let her down. What about letting Fitz, his best friend, down? What about the rest of their team? What about Mr. Forkle? What about Alden and Della, who he thought of as his own parents? Goodness.

“[ . . . ] she was planning to use midnight as the ‘we need to get home and face the consequences of our actions’ handy cutoff [ . . . ]” (573) It’s worth it to say that Sophie doesn’t want to go to London. She never did. She only goes because Keefe goes, and she knows that he will do something dumb if she is not there to babysit him. She knows it’s a bad choice, but she (rightfully) doesn’t trust Keefe, so she takes the responsibility to make sure they get home safe on herself because she’s knows Keefe will not prioritize that. The fact that she goes is again, another clear show of her lack of faith in Keefe, because all he’s done is do reckless stupid things. To say Sophie trusts Keefe is blatantly false, because if she did, she would not have given into him so easily even though she herself thinks this is a bad idea and she would have trusted that he wouldn’t try to run off himself.

“‘Thanks for the warning, by the way,’ he told Tam. ‘As you can see, it worked super well.’” (579) Keefe is just so. I don’t even have the words. Not only does he not listen to Tam after being warned about a possible attempt on his life, but he literally flaunts his disobedience and stubbornness in Tam’s face. He’s so arrogant, he literally cares about one-upping Tam over the possible attempt on his life. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘We had her,’ Keefe said again. ‘And Tam would’ve been free if he’d just come with us.’ [ . . . ] Just like she stopped herself from reminding Keefe that when he’d been with the Neverseen, there’d been a moment when he’d chosen to help Alvar escape instead of fleeing with her and her friends. They’d have that conversation later. Once Keefe had calmed down. And once she’d had more time to process what had happened—because even if Tam did have a good reason for what he’d done, it could still end up being the kind of mistake they’d all pay the price for.” (587) Except they never do “have that conversation later”. Shannon loves to drop the ball on important conversations that should take place between Sophie and Keefe in exchange for her forced consolation scenes. Then she says that even if Tam’s “betrayal” had a good reason, they’d still all pay the price. Which she never thinks about when Keefe did a similar thing in Lodestar. She never allows herself to think that Keefe may be in the wrong after Keefe escapes with Alvar and the crystal. Even though Keefe did that of his own free will and Tam was forced. Just. The double standards when it comes to anyone that’s not Keefe. It’s just another example of how the narrative favors Keefe. 

“‘This . . . is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me—by a lot.’” (598) Again, with the pity-partying. I don’t understand why Shannon insists on making Keefe wallow in all this self-pity. He takes any opportunity to remind Sophie of just how terrible his life is, even when it’s not relevant, and then we’re supposed to believe he doesn’t want pity? That’s laughable. Why would he keep saying these things if he didn’t want pity or sympathy? That’s not how that works. Also, this statement is objectively untrue. Alden and Della cared for him as much as they could. All the adults offered their places when he didn’t know where to go. But, once again, Keefe only cares about what Sophie does for him. He takes everything else for granted. It makes him come off as whiny. I think offering your place to stay is a much better favor than getting someone cookies, but okay. Why must he be such a pity magnet?

“‘I mean . . . the next time I see Bangs Boy, I’m going to kick him somewhere extra sensitive.’” (598) For what? For helping Gisela escape? Like Keefe did with Alvar when he was with the Neverseen? Oh, what a hypocrite. By that logic, someone should kick Keefe, since he did much worse things. Here’s a list: compromising Alluveterre, giving up his blood, freeing Alvar (which probably wouldn’t have mattered, given the whole Lumenaria thing, but Keefe didn’t know that at the time), being wrong several times about the Neverseen going after Grady and Edaline, giving up the cache and bringing back fakes, and giving Sophie the tracker that led the Neverseen to her and Fitz. Where’s his punishment for all that? Why is everybody so ready to forgive him? Of course, Sophie doesn’t call Keefe out for any of that despite saying she would not even fifteen pages ago (the quote from two bullet points ago). 

“‘If you have other things to do—’ Keefe tried to tell her. But Sophie shook her head, channeling Sandor when she told him, ‘I go where you go.’” (625) Sophie then sidelines her duties for Keefe’s incredibly stupid mission to find two black bottles from literal years ago. When I say the narrative favors Keefe. This is what I mean. Sophie puts Keefe above her team. She cares more about his ill-fated search for the bottles than she does about her own job. Shannon. Stop acting like everything Sophie does when she blatantly puts Keefe above everything is justified. 

[cut because character limit]

“‘Uh-uh, Foster. You’re not making me sit all this out.’” (643) Keefe is really so dumb that even now when he has all the information, he still wants to go running straight into danger. And I think this is a good time to talk about one other thing. You can count on two things when it comes to Keefe. One: He’ll always throw a pity party for himself and mope around and whine and cry and be all It’s all my fault, woe is me, and then immediately follow that up with a “I don’t want your pity”, as if that lessens his pity-partying, and two: He’ll always want to be in on the action because he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else, although he’s usually the stupidest person in the room. However, these two things are directly contradictory. If Keefe really thought everything was all his fault, he would volunteer to sit missions out. He would say that he’s a liability and that he’s trying to work on himself and that he wants to make sure he won’t fuck anything else up, so he’d want to sit out things like this to ensure he didn’t mess everything up. That’s how I know he doesn’t actually care about anyone but himself and his wishes, and that he’s just trying to make everyone feel bad for him when he brings up how everything is his fault. If he really did want to change and improve, he’d do some self-reflection, realize he’s always the problem, and tell everyone that he’s going to not go into the field so he doesn't mess everything up like he always does. Yet, he’s the opposite. He always wants to go straight into the action without a thought or plan. When he throws his pity-parties, he never explains to Sophie how he’s going to stop himself from messing everything up again. He just says “I’ll do better, I’m trying to be better”, and then he just leaves it at that. If he truly felt that everything was his fault, he would not always think he’s smarter than everyone and override everyone’s plans with his own. Bottom line is: Keefe’s a massive hypocrite. Every single thing he does or says is in stark contrast to something else he says or does. And the narrative just lets him get away with it, every time. He is so frustrating. 

“‘You won’t be missing out on anything, except watching me fail epically at being Team Valiant’s leader and Fitz’s girlfriend,’ ‘You’re not failing at either of those things,’ Keefe assured her quietly.” (644) Oh, she definitely is. And Keefe is a major part of that, too, because Sophie favors him over everyone, including Fitz and her team. But that’s not his fault, it’s the narrative’s. What is his fault is telling Sophie that she’s not bad at these things. Good friends know when to call out their friends on their bad behavior. They don’t instead tell their friends to stick their head in the sand and ignore it. They don’t pedestalize their friends to such an extent that they are incapable of believing they could ever be in the wrong. This is an extreme example, but if your friend was an alcoholic, would you tell them that everything’s fine and that they aren’t failing miserably at life because they’re drunk before ten in the morning everyday? No, because good friends know when to call their friends out. They don’t encourage it or sugarcoat it. If Keefe would stop pedestalizing Sophie, he would tell her that yes, this is all her fault, actually, and he would assure her that she can still fix her mistakes and might even give her pointers on how to do that. But Sophie is failing at these things. It does nobody any good to pretend she’s not. Navigating this miserable minefield of a forced consolation scene and getting to this quote actually made me put down the book and laugh. Because seriously. How is this real? How?

“And Sophie started to shake her head, but he reached up, gently grabbing her chin.” (644) Another example of Keefe creepily touching Sophie without her permission. It’s not okay, even if they’re close.

[cut because character limit]

“Sophie closed her eyes, taking a second to remind herself that Fitz had every right to be upset. But for some reason that felt hard to believe at the moment.” (675) There’s no real quote that goes with what I’m about to say, so this’ll have to do. This has more to do with the way Keefe is written rather than the character himself. When Keefe has a reason to go batshit, Sophie’s there with him, usually in an atrociously written forced consolation scene, comforting him and telling him it’s not his fault. When she’s not, the narrative at least justifies his actions a considerable amount. Most other characters don’t get that same treatment. For example, Fitz. Fitz told Sophie and Keefe both (well, actually, it was forced out of him by Keefe, but details, am I right?) that he was searching for Alvar. It’s that same mix of guilt and frustration and anger and embarrassment (the last two are canonically confirmed, page 367, I have the quote up there somewhere) that causes him to embark on this quest. Sound familiar? That’s exactly what Keefe feels with regards to his mom, and his feelings manifest as reckless decisions. They make him stupid. They make him overly emotional. They make him dangerous. And most notably, they make everyone fall over themselves trying to feel sorry for him. Of course, Keefe does deserve some sympathy, but the amount that the narrative showers on him is completely over-the-top. Where is that treatment for Fitz? He embarks on a mission to find Alvar to relieve himself of those same feelings, which isn’t viewed with nearly as much sympathy as Keefe’s reckless decisions to do the same with his mother are viewed with. Then when Keefe and Sophie take over his project and completely screw him over, then literally let Alvar go which is exactly what Fitz has been trying to avoid which they are fully aware of without even getting Fitz’s permission, the narrative makes Fitz out to be the bad person. He’s just trying to do the same thing Keefe is, in a less reckless, dangerous, stupid, and emotional manner, may I add, and he’s instantly villainized for it. How much do you want to bet that if this exact thing had happened except it was with Gisela and Keefe, the narrative would have tripped over itself to justify Keefe’s (rightful) anger? Oh wait . . . it already did. With Tam in London. I almost lost sight of that moment among the mashpot of similar moments that are all designed to heap as much sympathy as possible onto Keefe. That’s what I’m saying. Most people don’t care as much about Fitz’s feelings as they do Keefe’s, not because his feelings aren’t valid, but because the narrative drains any excess sympathy you might feel for him and dumps it all onto Keefe. It’s nothing but biased writing. 

“‘I mean, how hard is it to shape a threat into a clever couplet or two?’” (694) Shannon needs to stop making the same joke about rhyming notes. Also, Keefe once again demonstrates a lack of seriousness during a crisis.

“[ . . . ] ‘you don’t have to worry. I’m not going to let my mom hurt anyone.’” (694) As if he can control who his mom hurts. You would think he would’ve learned that by now, but it’s Keefe. I am not even close to being surprised. Also, another example of a forced consolation scene with no point! Yay!

[cut because character limit]

“‘Did I not mention?’ Keefe called from somewhere in the shadows. ‘I brought friends.’” (729) Exactly. So he didn’t have to come. He claims he came to help out with an exit strategy using Linh’s dwarven bodyguards, right? So really only Linh was necessary here. Keefe didn’t have to come at all. His excuse was pathetic. He really can’t stay out of the crew’s way, even when everyone, including Keefe himself, agrees that it’s the best plan. But he can’t help but hijack their shared plan for his own. Sound familiar? That’s right, it’s what he did in Nightfall and so many other books and claimed to be learning from. But this right here is proof that he didn’t learn anything. The crew’s entire plan hinged on the fact that Keefe wasn’t going to be in Loamnore. That was the whole point. So by coming, Keefe didn’t just trip up a few small details, he literally ruined their entire plan. He didn’t have to come, he came because he wanted to. Because, once again, he really thinks he’s smarter than everyone. His arrogance never fails to astound me. 

“And she wondered how much it had cost Tam to give her that warning about Keefe. How desperate he’d been to avoid the exact situation they were now in.” (740) And Keefe knew that. He knew exactly what it would mean for him to come to Loamnore after explicitly and clearly being told not to. He’s literally that ungrateful of all the warning attempts, all the ways Tam risked his life to deliver them, and completely takes Tam for granted. He’s a horrible excuse for a person, honestly. 

“‘I know,’ Keefe told him. ‘And I tried to listen.’” (744) What does that even mean??? Excuses, excuses, excuses. He could’ve listened if his head wasn’t so far up his own ass. Once again, the “reason” that Keefe came to Loamnore was because he realized they didn’t have an exit strategy, right? But the exit strategy didn’t need him. It needed Linh’s bodyguards. He was completely and utterly unnecessary.

“Keefe slept through the next day—and Sophie chose to stay in the Healing Center with him.” (774) Which she never does for anybody else. Not Fitz in Neverseen, not Biana in Nightfall. As a matter of fact, she never even checks in with Biana on-page to see how she’s doing after the Nightfall incident. More examples of Sophie and the narrative favoring Keefe to such an extent it’s ridiculous. And of course, Sophie will neglect several things and people because of this. And it’s even worse because Keefe brought this all upon himself, while Biana and Fitz didn’t.

“Victory? Didn’t they care about what happened to Keefe?” (776) The narrative is so caught up in what happened to Keefe that it’s completely biased. What happened in Loamnore was a victory. Everyone survived and Enki was made to pay for what he did. That is literally a victory. But as soon as something bad happens to Keefe, that’s enough to make it so that it’s not??? It’s another example of biased writing. 

“He hadn’t woken up the next day either—the third day—even after Sophie decided to transmit the plea over and over.” (778) Sophie literally stays in the Healing Center for three days to look after Keefe, who’s not even awake for her to talk to or cheer up or anything. So she’s effectively wasting time, but of course the narrative doesn’t see it that way. How else will Keefe get his special treatment? How else will Sophie neglecting everyone for Keefe be justified? It’s honestly such an insult to both Sophie and Keefe as characters. Keefe is favored far too much by the story and it’s very obvious that Sophie would do several things for him that she wouldn’t for anyone else (and vice versa), like stay in the Healing Center with him while he’s unconscious for three days just wasting time. 

Unlocked Part One (Sorry, I only finished everything up until the novella. Part Two coming soon, I guess?):

First of all, I have to say that Keefe’s editing of his file is just ridiculously immature, even for a sixteen(?)-year-old. It’s very obvious that Shannon did this because people like Keefe so much and because she’s trying to make Keefe seem “cooler” and more of a bad boy. Personally, I find the attempt hilariously pathetic, but it probably landed with most people, so. And his edits are so boring and unwitty, too. Typical Keefe.

“SPYBALL APPROVAL: None [BUT I HAVE FRIENDS WITH CONNECTIONS, THAT’S ALL I’M SAYING. . . .]” (92) Why would you. Say that. In an official file. And purposefully cast suspicion on people around you. Why.

“SIGNIFICANT CONNECTIONS: [ . . . ] [SWORN PROTECTOR OF THE MYSTERIOUS MISS F]” (93) I would say this is probably a joke, but given Keefe’s attitude throughout the series, It’s very clear that it’s not. Why would you embarrass yourself like that in an official government file???

“[[ . . . ] SHE THINKS SHE’S WAY SMARTER THAN SHE IS. [ . . . ]]” (93) Oh, I think she’s pretty smart. Gisela’s shown time and time again that she’s capable of outwitting and manipulating people into doing what she wants. Meanwhile, here’s Keefe, a stupid teenager, who, by the way, as of this point hasn’t gotten the better of her even once. So I’m not really sure how much we should be believing this guy.

“[[ . . . ] ‘HE KNOWS FOSTER BETTER THAN YOU DO! BETTER THAN SHE EVEN KNOWS HERSELF’?]” (94) I- I don’t even have the words. This is the cringiest thing I’ve read today. Possibly the cringiest thing I’ve read this year. Why is he saying this weird shit in an official government file??? Is Shannon really that desperate to show us that Keefe has a crush on Sophie??? Also, nobody knows anyone better than they know themself. To say that is to write off someone’s feelings. Sophie will always know Sophie better than Keefe knows Sophie. That’s just how it is. Also, this section is about his empathy, nothing to do with Sophie. But see how his mind jumps right to her and immediately connects her to it? That's a textbook sign of obsession and pedestalization. Sophie has nothing to do with his strong empathy. But he brings her up anyway. That’s not a good thing. 

“[THOUGH . . . KEEPING IT REAL? THE FOSTER OBLIVION CAN BE KINDA NOT COOL SOMETIMES.]” (94) Why the hell would you say that in an official government file??? Also, the fact that he thinks the “Foster Oblivion” is not cool . . . like that’s literally none of his business??? God, I wish people would stop harping on Sophie for being oblivious. It’s literally none of their business and also not a bad thing. Sophie can decide what she wants or doesn’t want to believe.

“[BUT THE REST OF THE STUFF IN THIS SECTION IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GETTING REDACTED. SERIOUSLY—BOUNDARIES, PEOPLE! FOSTER’S AMAZING—AND OBVIOUSLY WORKING WITH ME MAKES HER EVEN MORE AMAZING. . . . ]” (97) First of all, counting out all those Os was hell (there are twenty-two). Shannon really needs to stop doing that. That’s what italics are for. Second of all, “boundaries”? Oh, wow. This is so funny, considering all the times Keefe violates Sophie’s boundaries all the time. So not only does he encroach on her space, now he’s a hypocrite. He (rightfully) thinks it’s weird that the Council have an entire section speculating on their relationship, but then in a previous section he says that the Foster Oblivion can be “kinda not cool sometimes”? What?

[cut because character limit]

“[[ . . . ] FOSTER GETS TO DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS, OKAY? SHE CAN LIKE WHOEVER SHE WANTS OR BE CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT SHE’S FEELING. SHE CAN EVEN BE OBLIVIOUS—IT’S HER LIFE. HER CHOICE. AND EVERYONE NEEDS TO STAY OUT OF IT.] [EVEN ME.] [ESPECIALLY ME. I WOULD NEVER WANT TO . . . ] [NEVER MIND. MY POINT IS, LET THE POOR GIRL FIGURE THIS OUT ON HER OWN. [ . . . ]]” (98) If you’ve seen withcindy on YouTube, you probably know about the whole “It’s your choice” thing and how Rhysand invented feminism. If you don't, I highly recommend watching her ACOTAR videos. They’re hilarious. Anyway, that’s what immediately came to mind when I read this scene. Aw, how noble Keefe is. I really wish Shannon would stop beating the audience over the head about how good and sweet and pure and selfless and kind and amazing and spectacular and perfect and angelic and endearing Keefe is. Like Shannon, show not tell. Every time Shannon wants us to see how perfect Keefe is, she just makes him spit out some bullshit that nobody would realistically say. Then he just turns around and continues with his shitty actions, and Shannon thinks that makes him the perfect guy. No, it does not. He’s honestly giving fake-woke vibes with this word vomit. You know, the kind of people that say all the right things but never put it into action? That’s Keefe. He claims everyone needs to stay out of her life because it’s her choice, but then he goes around reading her emotions without her permission and extorting information out of her that she isn’t comfortable sharing. What a hypocrite. Honestly, Sophie should be running. He then says to let Sophie figure it all out herself and even he shouldn’t interfere, which directly contradicts all the times he himself interfered and made jokes about Sophie’s romantic life for his own amusement. More hypocrisy! Love this guy.

“[[ . . . ] I DIDN’T FIGURE IT OUT FAST ENOUGH, AND SHE USED ME FOR A WHILE. BUT THAT’S ALL DONE NOW, AND IT’S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE I TAKE HER DOWN. LET’S MOVE ON, SHALL WE?]” (98) Here, we have a serious contradiction. We’re constantly told Keefe feels overwhelming guilt at his mother’s betrayal (for what reason, I can’t fathom, but whatever) and that he thinks he messes everything up. But at the same time, he’s also easily able to brush right past it and claim that at some point he will for sure “take her down” (because his arrogance is the only thing that can trump his guilt). 

“[[ . . . ] I REALLY DON’T NEED ANYONE REMINDING FOSTER HOW MAD SHE WAS AT ME. [ . . . ]]” (100) Another example of the section having nothing to do with Sophie (it’s about him becoming a Mercadir), yet Keefe still somehow managing to drag the topic of Sophie’s anger at him into it. She’s on his mind all the time. I cannot emphasize enough how strange it is to think this is a good thing. It’s not romantic, it’s obsessive and borderline creepy. Also, Sophie is not going to read this file. Calm down, Keefe.

“[WHY IS THERE NOT A SECTION ON MY AMAZING HAIR????]” (100) Have some more old-school, cringy Keefe “humor”. Ah, it’s just like the good old days when he would talk about his hair almost non-stop.

[cut because character limit]

“But I was only half listening because she gets this cute little crinkle between her eyebrows when she’s trying to be serious, and it makes me want to reach up and smooth her forehead with my fingertip—and I’m betting she’d think I was super weird if I did that, since it’s not like she’s my . . . ” (481) Yes, this is an actual thing Shannon wrote that got past the editors without anyone dying of cringe. First of all, I hate the way Keefe talks about Sophie. She’s just this soft, kind of ditzy, child-like sort of figure in his head. He admits that he doesn’t care what she has to say, he just cares about how adorable she looks while she says it. This is a textbook sign of a toxic relationship. You should care about what your partner/crush says, because that shows that you see them as a person, not as your personal cover model. Also “trying to be serious” paints Sophie as this impudent little child who’s trying to get the attention of the older, more experienced adults and it very much implies that Sophie is not serious, but awwww, look how cute she looks trying to be serious, isn’t it adorable? Except Keefe and Sophie are the same age. So this is another case of textbook infantilization. I hate how this is made out to be normal and healthy in this series, it makes me so angry. And that last part isn’t anything specifically bad but it reads very oddly and is not at all the way real people think. What the heck.

“Pretty sure I’m just stalling, because this feels kiiiiiiiiiiiinda pointless.” (481) Not a Keefe-specific thing, but Shannon needs to stop stretching out her words like that. Especially since he’s literally writing this. Who writes like that??? Just underline it please, Shannon.

There’s a whole paragraph here on page 482 (if I had a digital copy I would copy-paste it here just to show you how cringy and long it is, but sadly, I don’t) which is clearly Shannon just trying to make Keefe look smart while also rubbing his daddy issues in our faces so we can drown in our pity for him. It’s not funny, which I assume it was meant to be. It comes off really, really cringy.

“I’m sure I’ll be digging into my mess of mommy issues soon enough. For now, let’s get back to the day Daddy Dearest met the Mysterious Miss F, shall we?” (484) Correct me if I’m wrong, but the point is this whole draw-memories-and-write-about-them thing is to try to find stuff Keefe’s mom might have erased from his head, right? So why is he completely sidestepping that very valid quest for a deep-dive into his daddy issues? This is not an issue I have with Keefe the person, but rather the way he’s written. Shannon sidesteps what makes logical sense for the story in order to fluff up the story with more Keefe content. In other words, the story’s coherence and logic is sacrificed for more Keefe page time where it doesn’t make sense. And I’m sick of it. It’s ridiculous, and nothing short of shameless fanservice.

“Once they do, they either feel awkward, or weird, or they start pitying me for having such a horrible family.” (485) Maybe if you wouldn’t talk about it all the time and rub it in people’s faces all the time, people would pity you less, hm? (And I am not saying Keefe shouldn’t talk about it, by the way. I'm just saying talking about it so much is not indicative of a person who wants to repress this or doesn’t want people to pity them. If Keefe truly didn’t want anyone’s pity, he wouldn’t keep bringing up his family all the time when it’s not necessary. But he does. It’s really contradictory. Pick a lane, Shannon.) It’s very clear Shannon only has Keefe constantly talk about how much he hates everyone’s pity because she needs to hide the fact that half the time, he’s the one committing that particular act. 

[cut because character limit]

“Thankfully, Foster didn't do that. She just felt sad—and a little bit indignant. And if I hadn't already known I liked her, I would’ve—” (486) First of all, what? Sophie has pitied Keefe for his horrible family several times over the course of the story. It’s constantly shoved in our face as every single other character takes a backseat in the story because poor, precious Keefe needs his pity from the audience, remember? So he’s not even right. Also, how is feeling sad for someone significantly different than pitying them? In both cases, you understand what the other person’s going through and wish it weren’t that way. You feel sorrow at the other person’s suffering. Pity is bad, but feeling sad for someone is good? What? Shannon’s really out here in the trenches trying to make Sokeefe sail off of weird, irrelevantly tiny details and minute differences like this. Keefe literally says that if he hadn’t already liked her, he would’ve started liking her . . . because of that completely insignificant difference. What. What, what, what. The entire point of this horrifically put-together explanation of the memory is to push Sokeefe. Please, can we please involve Keefe in something that isn’t designed to push Sokeefe? That last sentence . . . nobody talks like that. Certainly nobody writes like that. I think it’s supposed to be cutesy, like awwwww, look at poor Keefe with his adorable crush on Sophie, he’s so down bad, but it comes off so weird.

“[ . . . ] I guess that might’ve also had something to do with the bumps and scrapes and broken ribs I got when Mommy Dearest and her Neverseen buddies showed up and tried to steal Silveny. [ . . . ] But that’s not what this memory was about.” (486-487) Once again, we are veering in the exact opposite direction of what the point of this all is. Why do we care about Sophie and Keefe on an alicorn? What exactly does that have to do with Keefe searching for memories his mom might’ve taken from him? Nothing. It’s just another example of Keefe and Sokeefe being pushed above all sense and logic. It’s ruining the cohesiveness of the story. Why do we care? What is the point? 

“All I did was make a bunch of jokes to distract her—and it was super fun feeling her get all annoyed and embarrassed. I mean, look at that adorable blush! I could see it even with the moonlight washing out most of the color.” (488) Keefe’s thoughts about Sophie are truly heinous. He enjoys annoying her and embarrassing her, even back then, when he didn’t really know her that well? Wow, sign me up! I love it when guys annoy and embarrass me. Makes me feel really great. Definitely makes them well-rounded and grounded in reality. I suppose the comment on Sophie’s blush isn’t infantilization in this case, but the way Shannon tries so hard to push Sokeefe at every moment possible is really grating on me. And that last sentence. Who talks like that??? “I could see it even with the moonlight washing out most of the color” what the heck. Why does he talk so stilted like that??? Who. Talks. Like. This.

[cut because character limit]

“In fact . . . if I’m keeping it real . . . I’m pretty sure that blush is the reason I drew this memory. [ . . . ] That was the first time it felt like . . . maybe I had a tiny shot at making this brave, beautiful, blushing girl like me. [ . . . ] But there’s a teeny, tiny chance. And that’s enough. For now.” (489) This all feels so incredibly forced, like Shannon wants so desperately to show you why Sophie and Keefe would be so good together before she actually puts them together. It’s such an insecure way of writing. You shouldn’t have to spoonfeed your reader with weird rambles to show why a pair clicks. The readers should be able to see that themselves through the genuine, candid interactions you write. Through their dynamic. Through their relationship. But Sophie and Keefe’s relationship is chock full of boundary breaching, constant annoyance and embarrassment, and a lack of trust. So spoonfeeding it is! Also the way Keefe thinks about Sophie is just so. Ew. To me. Like it’s so over-the-top for no reason. Nobody thinks like this, even about their crush, even about their long-term crush, even about their long-term crush who they really, really, really like. I cannot believe this got past the editors, I am dying of cringe here. Also, I really wish Keefe would stop tacking “for now” at the end every time he talks about who Sophie will pick, because it really undercuts his supposed support for her choices. What, sometime in the future, he’ll feel like a chance isn’t enough? That’s what that “for now” is giving.

Keefe: I don’t want your pity. Also Keefe: “It’s super, super fun to be me, isn’t it?” (491) (Yes, I am aware that he said this in a private journal. But he says plenty of stuff like this out loud, too. So yeah, he really is just an overhyped pity magnet.)

“Any trust I was supposed to earn from handing over Kenric’s cache vanished the second Sophie did. And I knew the Neverseen were never going to trust me.” (494) He knew that from the start? And didn’t just leave after that? He knew his plan was hopeless and still went along with it. I know I’m beating a dead horse but somehow this makes his plan even stupider than it already was, which is pretty stupid. He literally knew his plan was bullshit. And he still did it. Because he wanted to “save[] the day and fix[] everything” (493). What the heck. Keefe is just. I don’t know how this is a real character. He is just so infuriatingly stupid, I’m actually speechless.

“And I’m pretty lucky no one got seriously hurt, and that Foster forgave me. I wasn't sure if she would.” (494) She really shouldn’t have, not without some serious work on Keefe’s part to gain her trust back. And what has he done since then? Oh, right, he’s hijacked their shared plans, refused good medical advice until he was forced to, extorted her feelings out of her, spilled personal secrets, and not agreed to stay away from the Neverseen when they thought they were specifically gunning for him. Where has he ever done anything to show even the slightest bit of development? He’s basically the same Keefe. No growth, no change. It really is a miracle that Sophie forgave him. Oh, wait, no it’s not. Because Shannon’s writing the series, and she needs Sokeefe to happen. Right. I forgot.

[cut because character limit]

“Sometimes I still worry that some tiny part of her holds it against me. That she’ll never fully trust me. That she’ll always see me as the guy who betrayed her and stole from her and ran off with the enemy.” (494) This would be really cool to explore if it was actually done. Sophie holding this against Keefe and struggling with that in the aftermath of Lodestar would be an awesome way to develop their relationship and have them overcome that hurdle and give them both some much needed development. But we know that aside from a single line at the beginning of Nightfall, Sophie never really blames Keefe. She just immediately forgives him for his time with the Neverseen. It’s pathetic writing. Something like that should have consequences. But it doesn’t, because then our poor Keefe will have to be *gasp* villainized. There could be this whole arc about how Sophie doesn’t trust Keefe the same and it impacts their relationship subtly and both of them feel it but don’t want to talk about it and it’s this giant, gaping hole. Then finally there’s a climax where Keefe confronts her about it and maybe she yells at him and he agrees that he’ll do anything to get her trust back. Then he does it. He does the smart thing, takes the smart advice. And he learns. He understands what he did was wrong and is truly a different person now. Honestly, the fact that Shannon explained this out shows me that she’s aware the possibility of this arc exists, but unfortunately, didn’t actually put it into action. Would it have been the most original conflict ever? No. But it would’ve been much better than whatever this dumpster fire of a lack of an arc she actually wrote is. I think I might’ve genuinely enjoyed Sophie and Keefe as a couple if she’d just made them have some distrust that they overcome through genuine work and growth.

“I make myself remember that expression every time I have to be around Fitzphie. It stops me from screaming, DON’T PICK HIM—PICK ME. [ . . . ] I did that. Not sure I deserve to be forgiven.” (494-495) One thing I really don’t get is why we need this commentary. Half the actual novella is written from Keefe’s perspective. I’m sure Shannon could’ve snuck in something to this effect into his actual inner monologue. Instead, we get this incredibly unsubtle, beating-over-the-head of a pity party. The implication here is that Keefe feels if he hadn’t made so many mistakes, he would’ve been a better partner for Sophie than Fitz, which is not his right to decide. Even if Keefe was a perfect angel who’d never made any mistake ever in his life, Sophie still has the right to choose who she wants to be with. Being a perfect person doesn’t automatically make you entitled to a romantic relationship. So the fact that Keefe thinks this is just so icky and gross. Seriously, the only thing stopping him from being unsupportive of Sophie and Fitz’s relationship (who are his friends, may I add) is the reminder of his own mistake? So if he hadn’t made that mistake he would shamelessly think he was a better choice for Sophie? This is borderline “nice guy” behavior. Then at the end he throws himself a pity-party as a little cherry on top, but of course he doesn’t actually think that, because if he was truly worried about whether he should be forgiven or not he would try to be better. Listen more. Deflate his head a little. Stop thinking he’s the smartest one in the room all the time. But he doesn’t, because he doesn’t care. He is a walking contradiction, the definition of a hypocrite. He annoys the shit out of me.

Also this memory contributed nothing to finding his erased memories and was instead just another vehicle to beat us over the head with Sokeefe content, which makes the Everblaze memory the only one that has actual significance to the task at hand so far.

[cut because character limit]

“I almost lost her. And if I had, it would’ve been all my fault. All of this is my . . . ” (497) Keefe go one page without throwing yourself a pity-party challenge (impossible). Seriously, instead of blaming himself for things that are his fault and that he can learn and grow from, he blames himself for this??? I don’t know how Shannon is even coming up with this stuff. But how are we going to get our pity-parties, no matter how little they make sense, if she doesn’t pull drama out of her ass? Also, once again, this memory has nothing to do with Lady Gisela or Keefe’s erased memories or anything to do with his condition at all.

“That’s been my plan for a long time—and not because I don’t think she can take care of herself. Because she shouldn’t have to. She’s dealing with enough pressure and responsibility and people trying to kill her. If there’s anything I can do to make things easier for her, I’ll do it. No matter what.” (499) I really wish Shannon would stop beating us over the head with all the reasons Sophie and Keefe are perfect for each other. Stop spoonfeeding us, Shannon. If they really do go together well, we’d be able to see it from their bond with each other. We don’t need to have all the reasons they should be together listed out in front of us like we’re reading a textbook. Shannon makes Keefe say all the perfect relationship green flags, as if any normal person talks, writes, or even thinks like this. This is an amazing example of Shannon’s tendency to tell, not show. Now that we’ve covered the tell, let’s talk about the show. Keefe feels the need to take care of Sophie because “she shouldn’t have to”. Okay, but that goes beyond just her physical health. What about all the times she’s wondered what stupid shit he’s going to do next and worried about him? What about her constant need to babysit him so he doesn’t do something dumb? What about the fact that she’s started giving into his plans because she knows she can’t stop him (when they go to London, for example)? Does he care about her enough to think about how his decisions might affect her? Is he even really taking care of her in any effective way? Oh, and this next part actually made me laugh out loud. Sophie’s dealing with so much pressure and responsibility, what if I made that worse by constantly doing stupid things and making her not trust that I’ll listen to good advice? What if I made that worse by making her constantly worry about me because she can’t trust that I’ll do the smart thing? “No matter what”, my ass. If Sophie asks him to sit something out, he doesn’t. If Sophie asks him to obey good medical advice, he won’t. If Sophie comes up with a plan with the group, he ruins it. He’s clearly not willing to do even the most basic things for her. Again, telling us this doesn’t make it true, Shannon. If you look at Keefe’s actions throughout the story, they tell a very different story. When has Keefe ever done anything to make Sophie’s life easier?

Also, this is another memory that doesn’t add anything to Keefe trying to trigger his lost memories. Just more Sokeefe propaganda. Yes, I’m calling it propaganda, because as I’ve hopefully made painfully clear, often the things we’re being told in this commentary thing don’t align with Keefe’s actions throughout the story.

[cut because character limit]

“Or the fact that I was only there because Alden basically asked me to join Team Fitzphie. (Yeah, I know. I wanted to say no. But I said yes for her. She deserves to decide what she wants—even if it’s not me.)” (500) Even if it’s not you? How generous of you to make that clear, Keefe. Sure, Keefe’s above the bar, but the bar’s in hell, so I don’t really know how much that means. Also, he only came because of Sophie? Sophie? The trial wasn’t even personal for her. It was personal for Fitz, his supposed best friend, and Biana, who he apparently thinks of as a sister. And he came for Sophie? Keefe’s gargantuan tendency to pedestalize Sophie and revolve every single one of his decisions around her strikes yet again. He wanted to say no, and the thought of Sophie changed his mind. Sophie. Not Fitz and Biana, for whom this would certainly be a strenuous occasion. Sophie. Goodness. 

“Pretty sure that’s what my mom is counting on. . . . And before I go any farther down that depressing thought-path, let’s move on.” (501) Isn’t that the point, though? To think about his mom and try to see if that triggers anything important? He really should go down that path. Why does Shannon keep sidestepping the actually valuable point of this exercise in favor of . . . whatever the heck it is that I’m reading???

“Pretty sure that proves this project is a waste of time. It hasn’t triggered any new memories. I haven’t learned anything new about stellarlune, or those humans my mom killed, or the letter I delivered, or anything else. Seems like a pretty epic fail. But what else is new?” (502-503) No??? Keefe cannot be this dumb. I refuse to believe it. Maybe the reason the project failed was because . . . none of the memories you chose were of your mom or anything to do with her projects, with the exception of the third and last one, and in those cases the connections to the behind-the-scenes of his mom’s projects were so vague that it’s hard to get anything solid. We know for a fact that Keefe drew the human guy holding the letter. Why didn’t Keefe try to write about that? That actually has a connection to his mom’s project. Same things with the shattered memory they discovered. The memory he remembered about his mom using a starstone to leap to Nightfall. The memory of his mom talking to Brant and Alvar. Anything actually connected to what he’s trying to find. No shit you aren’t going to remember stuff about stellarlune if you draw and write about riding an alicorn with your crush. Are we being for real right now??? And yeah, Shannon could’ve done any of the things I just described. This Keefe-draws-his-memories-and-comments-on-them concept is actually a great idea, Shannon just used it in the worst way possible: to push Sokeefe instead of actually using it for its intended purpose. Imagine how cool it could’ve been if we got a drawing and commentary on the letter or the starstone, or even anything Keefe may have seen during his time with the Neverseen. This is such a waste of potential it pains me. I really wish Shannon would stop sacrificing logic for the love triangle. It’s ruining the story.

Congratulations, you made it to the end. That must've taken you at least a few hours. Go drink some water. I'm going to make a Part Two after Unraveled's release, so. That's a thing.

[abibliophobiaa]

I'm bad at giving prompts because I never know what authors would be inspired by, so I'm going to give you vague ideas and you can pick whatever parts suit your fancy. I know you'll write something cool no matter what :)

Soulmates, but only one party knows they're soulmates

Eddie insecure of his scars

Walking in the woods

"Don't you know I care about you?"

Some innocent cuddling or handholding

did you look for me?

i ended up going with eddie being insecure about his scars and the anniversary of one year post S4. eddie munson x f!reader. warnings: drinking to the point of intoxication; eddie becomes physically ill - throw up mention; wound description, scar mention; smut, but the vague, sort of poetic kind. formatting is also kind of weird because i did not use google docs and…it shows. (3.5k words)

He’d told you he’d be going out with Steve. Wanted to get out and spend time with him on the day Vecna almost took everything from you. He’d left with a kiss brushed against your forehead in the night, his hands lingering over the dip of your hip, cooing softly to ease the tiredness from your form as you shifted and raised yourself up onto your elbows in bed, palms brushing against your eyes to bring some life back into them. 

“Just going out for a little while,” he promised, thumbing at the curve of your jaw. Wiggled your chin until you smiled. “You worked all day. Please get some sleep, okay?”

“I love you,” you’d mumbled, face pushing back into the endless comforters lining your shared bed. 

“I love you too, sweetheart. I’ll see you soon, okay?” 

And you should have known. Should have been more awake to argue with him to stay home. To stay here. Should have anticipated what an absolutely terrible idea that had been. Not when you’d known what he’d experienced. Not when you still remembered that day so vividly. The call from one of the kids—them crying that something had happened, just as the world beneath you had rocked endlessly.

An earthquake, you’d been told. 

Eddie had been hurt. Badly. The kind of hurt that had you fumbling with your keys in the ignition of your car. Cursing and slamming your fist against the steering wheel when you’d lost grip of them and they clattered onto the floor to taunt you. The kind of hurt where you’d gotten a flash of him as he’d been thrown onto a gurney shortly after you’d arrived, someone already there balancing on the edge of the table doing chest compressions until they could get him into a room, because his heart had stopped. 

A whole minute. For a minute, you’d lost him. All of you had.

For a minute, Eddie had left the world, lingering somewhere away from his body. Away from you. Nearly gone. And then…not. He’d come back and had been immediately hooked up to endless machines and taken in for surgery. Surgeries that had seemingly lasted for hours, your feet carrying you back and forth in an endless back and forth line you hardly cared about potentially leaving a burn mark in the carpet. 

After that it had been days of touch and go. Months of healing, tending to his scars, watching him adjust to the way he looked in the aftermath of it all. He pretended to be okay. You knew that. Watched him hide behind smiles, behind a joke, behind doing the things he’d done before. Watched him strum away on his guitar at band practices, stand in front of rooms of people suddenly intrigued by the boy who had been cleared of rumored murder charges, the boy who had defeated death and came back.

A “Freak”—yet this time, one of their own making.

He carried on with the kids as usual, too. Started up Dungeons and Dragons meetings, began growing the group. Invited the girls, invited Robin, Steve and yourself. You always clung to the outskirts, watching him do what he did, watching him try and make sense of the world after the unimaginable. Putting his best foot and face forward, if only to protect those around him from the monsters who roamed his dreams at night, with endless teeth and flapping wings.

So no—no, it comes as no surprise when later at three in the morning you receive a phone call from Robin. The motherly figure of the small trio that had gathered that evening. She’s short and concise in speech, oddly enough for her, in her explanation of what’s gone on. Eddie drank…and quite a bit, from the way she describes it.

Exactly like a year ago, you fumble with your keys in your car, slam your palm against the steering wheel when they drop near your feet, and eventually peel out of the parking lot of your apartment complex.

He’s out on a lounge chair in Steve’s backyard when you find him. When Steve opens the door and apologizes. Says he didn’t realize Eddie must have drank before even arriving, and then offered him more on top of it. Your hand curls around Steve’s shoulder, grimace settling into place as you walk out onto the patio, eyes searching for the familiar form of the man who stole your heart two years ago now. The man who is lost now in his mind, swirling around a drain, staring up at a starry sky.

“Hey, handsome.”

Your chest flutters as he turns his head over the side of the chair, his flushed cheeks tugging upward with the silliest smile that spans his features, body gravitating to yours as it always does, flailing limbs and all. His dimples practically strain from it, though he nearly falls off the chair upon doing so, hand slapping against the ground to keep himself steady.

“Careful there,” you sigh, stepping closer into his proximity, gesturing to the small space on the chair near his hip. At his nod, you settle down, grimacing as he loops his arms around your waist and presses his forehead into your neck. Eddie on a normal day is a big fan of cuddling. Drunk Eddie’s favorite pastime is cuddling. “How about we get out of here? I’ll drive you home and we can get ready for bed?”

“I was just trying to forget.”

It’s like a hammer coming down to pulverize your heart. The quiet tremor of his voice, the sharp inhale of breath, the moisture on your collar bone. But you grant him that safety of your comfort, instead. Curl your hand around his ringed fingers and help him to his feet, quiet and careful as you lead him through Steve’s home, mindful of the sharp corners he bumps and sways into.

Steve’s there at the passenger door to help ease Eddie down inside, a sad frown set in place as he claps his friend on the shoulder and wishes you both a good night. Robin reminds you to call if you need anything else, and blows Eddie a kiss, both waving as you pull away from the Harrington home and head back to the place you share with Eddie, certain you have a long night still ahead.

—

The night is long, as you expect it to be. Getting Eddie into bed is one thing. His hands rest on your shoulders as you help him out of his jeans, his gangly thighs tangling in the material, nearly sending him careening backward into your shared mattress. He strips out of his shirt next, insistent that it’s too hot in the room. And for a spring day, with the windows already gently parted, you’ve needed to put on a hoodie to block out the chill in the air. But you watch him undress all the same, his back falling against the plush pillows beneath, a loud exhale spilling from his lips.

“I’m going to go get you some water and some pain relievers, okay?” Moving to make your way toward the bedroom door, Eddie’s fingers snatch yours before you can go any further. Chocolate brown eyes lift to meet your face, beckoning you back onto the mattress beside him, grunting as he throws himself on top of your chest, arms tangling in the fabric of your hoodie. “Eddie, you really need to drink some water. I’m serious.”

“I’m sorry for upsetting you,” he mumbles.

“Eddie, I’m not—”

“I can see it in your eyes. I know you.”

“I was worried, that’s all. I promise.”

“I’m sorry.” And there it is again. That lightning bolt to your chest. That feeling of anguish that rattles you deep within your bones. “I haven’t slept in days. I needed…”

Days. He’s gone days and you’ve been too busy with work to see it. Guilt drops like an anchor in the pit of your stomach, grief joining it there. Pity—for the man pressing close to your body, shame swallowing him whole, suffocating him. Fingers reach out to untangle the strands of dark curls on the back of his head, running through each coil, patting them into place. He sighs and sinks further into the mattress, and eventually stills, the sound of your heartbeat lulling him into sleep.

Hours later, you wake to the sound of retching in the adjoining bathroom. Eddie’s groans of displeasure echo off the tiled walls. Careful to not startle him, your feet drop down to hit the carpet beside your bed and carry you across the short distance between the bedroom and softly parted bathroom door where yellow light spills out into the hallway.

“Eddie?”

You catch him swishing mouthwash around puffy cheeks. He spits into the sink and glances your way. Eyes red-rimmed and tired. The sort of tired not even the best night of sleep could take away. No words are spoken as you step into the bathroom further, as you run your fingers along the side of his chest. Against the curve of his cheek, where new stubble has grown in since he’s last shaved.

“You been up long?” you ask, even though the fear of the answer has you weary. He nods, but at least he seems more aware of his surroundings now. More himself, despite his haggard form. “You should hop in the shower. It’ll make you feel better. While you do that I’ll make you the waffles you like. Strawberries and all.”

It’s a silent parting. You slip away from his side with a squeeze of his hip and a brush of your lips against the corner of his lips, making your way down the short hall to your shared living room and connecting kitchen. It’s small, but it’s yours. Has been for months now. After a serious conversation with Wayne, about how Eddie was struggling even if he hid it well, you’d all come to the agreed upon conclusion that he needed space away from the rest of the chaos of Hawkins. Away from those who still sneer at him in supermarkets, or shout out false accusations in parking lots.

Murderer. Freak. Killer. Psycho. Names thrown around, barbed wire and daggers, aimed at the man who had done nothing wrong.

It doesn’t matter Hopper had his name cleared shortly after the events that occurred that horrible week. Those who hated Eddie Munson hated him long ago. Chrissy and the other’s deaths were just further ammunition to leverage their ill intent.

Your apartment at least grants him the peace of safety and solace of quiet. On the edge of town, away from prying eyes, and close enough to both your jobs. The other renters in the complex leave you both be, despite a few noise complaints you’ve made about the rowdier tenants just above your bedroom, and it works for the time being. Until you can save up for something new; something you can grow in, grow old in.

Humming to yourself, you begin unloading the things you’ll need from the fridge. Pausing only to pet your presently purring orange kitten, dubbed Frodo by your boyfriend, when you notice that the apartment is still quiet.

There’s no water running.

The bathroom door is still open. Just as you left it. Slowly, so slowly, you walk over to the door, breath catching at the sight of Eddie standing in front of the mirror, fingers tracing over scars. Over the patch of skin over his heart, where it’s the worst, over grooves and ridges of what once was smooth flesh. Trails his fingers lower, to the marks along his abdomen, on his arms. The movements still along his cheek, over the divots you’ve kissed numerous times now. Remember the day you saw him when his eyes first opened in the hospital, and he’d asked you how bad it was.

“Still handsome as ever,” you’d promised, and you’d meant it.

Still mean it now as you knock on the doorframe, jolting him from his slow perusal of his frame. “Are you okay? Didn’t hear the water running.”

“‘M fine,” he says, kicking off his sweatpants for emphasis.

Turns then toward the knob in the shower and sets the water to run hot, fingers lingering under the stream to test the temperature. You open your mouth to speak but he slips out of the bathroom and into your bedroom for a moment. Out the corner of your eye, you watch him retrieve the tablets you left on the bedside table. He swallows them down with a swish of water from the glass laid out, and then returns to your side, where the water now steams up the bathroom mirror.

“Right…I’ll…uh,” you mumble, slipping out from around him into the hallway.

He slowly closes the door, leaving it only slightly open now, and you walk down the hallway. Frodo’s yellow eyes meet yours, and your resolve hardens, feet propelling you back from whence you came. Inhaling deeply, you shuffle inside, calling out into the open space that you’re coming in.

This part, you don’t think about. You strip off your leggings and hoodie with ease. Toss your underwear in a pile with his. He’s quiet as you enter. Those dark eyes of his roam your form, though their usual appreciative and amorous affection is replaced by a hollowness unfamiliar to Eddie’s usually spirited features.

“You’re far away from me right now,” you say softly.

Eddie lifts his head, tangles of wet curls falling loose around his shoulders, rivulets of water trailing down his cheeks like freshly fallen tears. “A lot on my mind, sweetheart. You know…sometimes I forget they’re there.” He gestures vaguely to his chest, waving a hand in front of himself. “And then I catch myself in a damn mirror, and it’s like I’m there all over again. In that fucking dimension, laying on the damn floor, waiting for it all to just…stop.”

“Eddie…”

“It’s hard to not believe you’re a monster like people think you are, when you look in the mirror and might as well be.”

Your hands cup his cheeks, forehead against his. Bodies slick with water, inches apart. More space than you like between you. “You are not a monster, Eddie Munson. You have never been. It’s not in your nature.”

Arms slowly twine around your form. A face against your shoulder, hair brushing your shoulders, his body flush with yours. That distance, that crevice, sews shut in an instant. Comfort comes in the form of his palm along your lower back, in the form of your lips against his shoulder, palms against the middle of his shoulders, holding him tight as the cries of a broken man fill your bathroom. As rain begins to splatter against the window, crystalline shards like diamonds rolling down the pane, the rumble of thunder drowning the blood racing in your ears.

He draws back with a deep exhale, the remnants of his tears visible in the red rims surrounding his eyes. In the shaky inhale, the hiccup that shudders in his chest. Fingers slide up across his chest, over his shoulders, the side of his neck, his cheek. He cradles your palm there, over the space you brush with your gentle thumb. Kisses the inside of your wrist, whispering how much he loves you.

An idea forms.

The hand resting on your face is lowered in the space between the two of you. Your hand flips his palm upward. The fingers on your opposite hand trail his callus scored palms. Tease at the yellowy skin there, at the marks that reveal countless hours of practices. Of time spent honing his craft, trying to make something of himself, trying to be the best at it.

“I love these hands,” you tell him idly. More to yourself, maybe. But he lifts his head all the same. Looks into your eyes as you meet his, the water warm against your back. “They make beautiful music. Music that I’m sure will change the world some day. They write songs. Beautiful songs that mean something. And they write stories. For those kids who absolutely love and look up to you.”

You trail your fingers up along the inside of his forearm. Over the tattoos there. Along his bicep, where you pause. “These arms are pretty great, too.”

“Yeah?” He chuckles at that, and you nod.

“They fix cars and…we know that’s helped me out of many tricky situations.”

Like last week, when you’d had an issue with your car starting and he’d been able to fix it before you were ever late for your shift.

“But they also give the best hugs,” you sigh, sliding up against his chest, relishing in the feeling of them caging you in close. Tight. “They feel like home. Safe. Like nothing could touch me, as long as I’m right here.”

He squeezes you tightly, and you know it’s his way of reassuring you that as long as he has breath in his lungs, you’ll always have somewhere to run to. The safe space in the cradle of his body, a place that he knows you fit perfectly into.

“Don’t even get me started on your cheeks,” you laugh, tipping your head back to press a loud kiss to both of them.

Eddie’s nose wrinkles. “My cheeks?”

“Don’t make fun. They’re adorable. Bite me,” you grumble, pinching at one of them for emphasis. “Really, the whole face is adorable.”

His forehead rests against yours, eyes dark in the dimly lit room, the room growing darker by the minute from the storm rolling in outside. They shift downward as you rest your palm over his abdomen, gliding upward slowly, along scarred flesh, over the parts of him he hates most, until you stop over his sternum.

Over the rapid thrum of his heart.

“I love this heart the most. Because despite everything, it’s kind and loving and warm. And for a minute that day it had stopped and I thought I’d lost everything.” He kisses your forehead as you heave a sob, as your breath chokes off at the memory of him lying on that hospital bed, eyes closed, swathed in bandages, uncertain if he’d ever wake up again even though the doctors reassured you he would. “But then you came back. You came back to us. To me.”

He sniffles, thumbing at your lower lash line as you continue, “And I know you hate this body some days. But I love it. I love it because it’s beautiful and it holds your soul, and…I-I—”

“I love you.” He cradles the back of your head and kisses you.

Once. Twice. Three times.

For each word. Each a promise. Each a swear.

Never to be parted again.

—

He lays against you in silence. His head on your chest, his thighs a tangle with yours, a hand around your hip to keep you close. Bare chests covered only by thin bedsheets. In white linen draped along thighs. You’re not sure what time it is, but time doesn’t exist here. Not right now. Not with him quietly slumbering at last after five days of running from the demons in his mind.

Safe, at last, in the circle of your arms.

Safe and sound, you tell him quietly, fingers combing through his hair.

Safe and sound with you. Here, in this apartment, in your home, where no one can touch you.

Vecna is gone. The kids are okay. Your friends are fine. The world is whole again. The monsters are gone.

He doesn’t have to run anymore.

There will be days like these. The hard ones. More to come in the years that will surely follow. But now, right now, there’s only peace.

And later—later he wakes and kisses you slowly. Softly.

Languid.

Perfect presses of plush lips against skin. He asks you a question. You nod, and he slides the blanket away from your form, baring you to him. Later there’s heat that builds and grows as he trails along the curve of your neck. Over the swell of your collar bone. The valley between your breasts. He divides his attention between your breasts, teasing nips and taunting brushes of tongue and teeth against sensitive skin. Quiet murmurs of praises from his softly parted lips, and peals of pleasure from yours. Fingers knot in hair as he trails lower, as the heat of his tongue glides through the honey of your center, as fingers pull you closer and closer to a precipice. Pulls you nearer as you plummet, planting a kiss against your forehead.

He’s quiet as he rolls over you. As your hand reaches down between the two of you and guides him to where you crave to feel him. Suddenly it’s the comfort of being so full of him that robs you of air. The familiar roll of his hips against yours, fingers bracing one of your thighs over his hips. The slow drag of him; in and out, in and out torturously so, stars bursting behind your vision with each breathless thrust.

Your fracture around him like dozens of stars visible through your bedroom window.

He holds you until sunrise. His chest rising and falling against yours, both of you content and sated.

Cheeks warm, skin warmer.

Tangled as two people could ever be.

And it’s a new day. One neither of you will take for granted.

——

xoxo love you all.

[taekooktimeline]

Hello 👋🏽

I’ve completed uploading episodes 1-4 of “are you sure” 🥳It goes without saying, but this is a Taekook focused blog so all of these posts, just like all my other posts, highlight Taekook and their bond (or in some instances, my posts archive important pieces of information so others can’t distort facts).

I wanted to upload episode 3 as one post, and episode 4 as one post, but Tumblr wouldn’t let that happen due to their sizes. When I shrank photos to make each episode one post, text and images became blurred and my OCD couldn’t stand it. I hate that they each have 2 posts, but I preferred it to the alternative of unreadable pieces.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever gone in depth about the uploading process? It’s quite an undertaking for long pieces. I first draft the posts in Google docs. This can take days as I rewatch things, chat with friends and gather what people have noticed from my timeline. One episode can take 3-4 hours to watch, as I draft as I go and then go back through and fill in further, then tighten it all up.

After this, I upload the draft into Word Press. It’s not straightforward anymore. When I copy and paste the draft into WP, only the text follows. I have to then go back to Google docs and copy / paste the pictures one by one, and then add the timestamps and hyperlinks under these pictures.

Once that’s done, I convert the post into HTML code. I can’t simply hit “select all.” I have to drag my finger down the entire post and carefully hit copy, or else I erase the whole post (which has happened). I then copy / paste the HTML code into my email and email it to myself.

From there, I copy / paste the code and upload it into Tumblr. Tumblr won’t let me post more than 30 photos a post now, sadly, which means splitting posts up. I have to read the HTML code and decide where to break things up.

I upload the post, then reblog it to its respective year, so you can read the post in the “main” timeline, but also in chronological order in the year it happened. When it’s reblogged to its year of occurrence, I have to scroll to events that happened around that date to determine what backdate to make that piece, so it lands in the correct spot of the timeline.

Uploading these posts took me all morning. Factoring in drafting, I spent at least 2-2.5 days on these episodes.

I’m not sure why I felt like sharing that today, except that I wanted to really take a moment and sincerely thank anyone who stops by to read my blog and let you know it’s so appreciated. Even if no one read this blog, I archive Taekook’s moments as one way of supporting them. I really enjoy preserving their moments - we have so many! - and looking back fondly.

So I’d do it no matter if no one read this, but knowing people do read this blog and treasure it as much as I do means so much to me. I’m thankful for the friendships formed, the people I’ve been able to talk to and some I’ve been fortunate to meet in real life, and it’s all thanks to this blog.

Not only that, my anxiety gets the best of me. I greatly admire those who tweet on Twitter, or post on Instagram, without giving much thought. I can’t do it. I wish I could. I will sit on posts, get anxious, bail out of posting, or post then mute because I’m so tense. I’m not sure why that is. Sometimes I wish my accounts were smaller so I could maybe feel more comfortable freely speaking my mind. But I also think I’d be anxious no matter what because social media is so toxic and dark and my energy can’t stand it. It doesn’t help I’m still trying to figure out my medical mysteries, and that’s been such a drain on my energy. I can’t find it in me to do much more than lurk on Twitter and IG right now.

Here on tumblr, I feel like I’m in my little safe space. It’s quiet here, I post my pieces and show my support, and my support is measured in a more meaningful way for who I am as a person (in addition to streaming, buying their merch etc). I really am so grateful for this space. We all support in our ways and though I wish I was bolder on TW and IG, I appreciate those who are and I also appreciate that we are all here to equally love and support Tae and Jk. That’s what matters.

So if you’re reading this, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here and reading this blog💜💚

[lovemari]

IMPORTANT: Hello! My old account, Lovemari, got deleted. Therefore, I had to make a new one. I'm honestly pretty upset about this so I'll take some time to recover! Thankfully, all my posts are saved as I write them in google docs before posting. Please like and reblog so I can reach my old followers and potentially new ones!

Cuddle, Stress and Safety - Wanderer x Reader

Reminder: I'm not an experienced writer so construction criticism is always welcome! Also, I write for fun. I just wanted to share my work around the world!

Pairing: Wanderer x Reader

Synopsis: Wanderer taking care of you in the cutest way ever.

Notes: I wrote this with myself in mind. I often feel skittish or easily frustrated. Also, I'm back from my very short hiatus. I just had a small writer's block haha!

You're quite timid, often stressing about small things or feeling alone and separate. You often break down easily or begin to act somewhat differently when you hear loud noises or sounds.

Recently, you've gone to your boyfriend for comfort and care in those bad times. You wanted to be held by someone you loved and cherished so dearly. Wanderer is your comfort.

Although, Wanderer is definitely rough and intimidating, often having his enemies cowering in fear the moment he attacks. His hands are tough and dominating, yet when he's with you, they're simply gentle and soft.

Wanderer has never comforted someone before, so he's often confused on how he should caress your hair or whisper sweet, soothing words. It was different, to say the least. Wanderer is so vulnerable and gentle with you. It's like he's another person completely.

The truth is, he just wants you to be happy. He knows how much your breakdowns affect you. He wants you to feel safe and pleased. You're his heart and he wouldn't change that for anything.

He'd often ask you, “Is this the right placement?” Or, “Want me to touch somewhere else?” during these peaceful moments. It shows that he truly cares for your well-being despite being such an adamant and unsettling individual.

Though, when he finishes asking numerous questions, you're already fast asleep. Wanderer would let out a quiet, light chuckle, followed by a smirk. He knows how pure and benevolent you are towards everyone and everything.

Wanderer would stay put for hours until you woke up, finding yourself in his arms. A simple, “Good morning, sleepy.” was enough to make you feel at home. Wanderer was addicted to your smile, as he knew a majority of them were meant for him.

Once you're fully awake, Wanderer will prepare your favorite dish. He would make sure everything was made right, as well as having a drop of love into his foods. It may sound corny, but it's true. All of his dishes are made with you in mind.

Wanderer would serve your food, as if you were royalty. Then he'd give you massages, even though he doesn't really know how to do them. This is because Wanderer wants you to feel loved. He doesn't want you to cry or have a meltdown.

Wanderer would watch over you every afternoon. Watching the sunset and having you on his chest made him feel loved, cherished and appreciated. He always hoped those feelings were mutual. After all, you come first, in his agenda.

When the day is over, Wanderer would tuck you in, before climbing into the bed himself. He would kiss your temple before wrapping his arms around you, giving you extra warmth.

Wanderer would watch over you, making sure danger wouldn't dare to come near you. He didn't require sleep, so it didn't hurt his mental wellbeing. After all, he got to make sure you're safe and secure.

You're the best thing that ever happened to him.

[feudalconnection]

The Nomination Period for the 3rd Term 2024 Inuyasha Fandom Awards is now CLOSED!!

Hey everyone!

Below the cut you'll find a complete list of all of the Fanart nominations received for this term! You can also find it on Google Docs.

Click here for the complete list of Fanfiction nominations.

Thank you to everyone who participated in this term for taking the time to do so. We hope you enjoyed your experience! If you do not see your nomination, please reach out to us as soon as possible!

We strongly encourage that when you view a work of art or read a fanfiction, please reblog or leave a review to let the creators know how much their work and talent is appreciated!

As a reminder, we are giving 3 weeks time to enjoy all of the creations. The voting period will begin October 6th and end October 20th.

In order to be able to vote, you'll need to register so we can keep it all neat and clear. We will be posting the link to the voting form on the first day of the voting session.

Got a question? Check out our FAQ or send us an ask. You can also message one of the mods directly!

Thank you to everyone who nominated for making this 3rd Term absolutely wonderful, and happy voting!

Best Action/Adventure

"She was a girl, he was a half dog demon 🌹" by @eleuphii

"Moroha's Bravery" by @jess-oui

"Now I will be the one to protect you" by @geda-art

Best Alternate Universe/Reality

"Untitled (Mechanic Inu & Kagome)" by Hullo Yokai (TW)

"A change in art style" by @weeeting

"Unnecessary" by @mayarab

Best Canon Universe

"Untitled" by @redundantz

"InuKag Slow Dance" by Hullo Yokai (TW)

"All grown up" by @istehlurvz

"Robe of the Fire-Rat (newest)" by _taisana_ (TW)

Best Angst

"Now I will be the one to protect you" by @geda-art

"Moroha's Bravery" by @jess-oui

"Untitled" by @rinsilverstar223

"Protect" by @pachworldx-1

"Cycle." by @anisaanisa

Best Dark

"Passion" by @akulols

"Sesshōmaru-punk 2077" by @june-v

"untitled Inuyasha" by @hycopank

"Protect" by @pachworldx-1

Best Humor/Parody

"Nothing like a fake 'stach-off in front of the mirror" by @clearwillow

"ZOOMIIIIES" by Angel_KagomeX (TW)

"Kagome needs a bike upgrade" by @bandsandwristbands

"Leashed" by @valgreys

"zoomies!" by @purpledemonart

"He's cooking" by @melaugo

Best Kiss

"Love is in the Air" by @cam3llia95

"Untitled MirSan" by Angel_KagomeX (TW)

"Spring Fever" by @stardust414

"Inuyasha & Kagome" by @pachworldx-1

"Untitled" by @bakutenshi

"Hungry like a wolf" by @otaku-108

Best Character

"Kikyo from Inuyasha" by @lynndylee

"Untitled (Bandaid)" by Lenbarboza (TW)

"Untitled" by @little1bird

"Sango, beautiful with her scars" by @eliza-faust-diary

Best Duo/Pairing

"Untitled" by @louffeine

"Untitled (Mechanic Inu & Kagome)" by Hulloyokai (TW)

"Kagome needs a bike upgrade" by @bandsandwristbands

"A Rare Moment" by @moonnueart

"A dip to cool off, you and me ❤️" by cricriart (TW)

Best Doujinshi

"MINI COMIC UPDATE!" by @jhdanes

"Claws and Roses" by Lenbarboza (TW)

"April Fools" by @mitsiepitsie-blog

"Inu-Illiterate" by Garish_Wyvern (AO3)

Best Redraw

"I finally finished Inuyasha 😭💕" by @girls-with-boys-names

"Honesty with Consequences" by _taisana_ (TW)

"I'm a Diva" by @julytheartist

"ZOOMIES" by Angel_KagomeX (TW)

Best NSFW

"Sex at the Well" by @brain-rot-hour

"tiempo a solas" by @lucky-chan34dl

"Morning Routines" by @the-lone-huntress

Best InuKag Romance

"{Born to Meet Me}" by @artblogofanekophile

"Stardust Birthday" by @clearwillow

"InuKag Slow Dance" by Hulloyokai (TW)

"Untitled" by @moonnueart

"Inspired by ETERU" by @geda-art

Best MirSan Romance

"Untitled" by @kalcia

"Untitled MirSan" by Angel_KagomeX (TW)

Best Romance

"A Rare Moment" by @moonnueart

"Nothing like a fake 'stach-off in front of the mirror" by @clearwillow

"Untitled InuParents" by @brain-rot-hour

"Afterglow" by @stardust414

"Mistakes Made at Midnight" by @heavenin--hell

"Unnecessary" by @mayarab

Best Group Depiction

"Untitled" by @redundantz

"Honesty with Consequences" by _taisana_ (TW)

"SessKag Festival 2024" by @julytheartist

"Izayoi meets Kagome and Moroha" by @jess-oui

"Family Portrait" by @mayarab

"Sixteenth Night" by @travelingneuritis

Best Improved Artist

"Robe of the Fire-Rat" by _taisana_ (TW)

"11 years later" by @rin-afananditshows

Best Overall

"Stardust Birthday" by @clearwillow

"Untitled" by @kalcia

"Untitled (Bandaid)" by LenBarboza (TW)

"SessKag Festival 2024" by @julytheartist

"Inuyasha & Kagome" by @pachworldx-1

"Just a piece of My otp 😫🌹🌹" by @wisejazz

[itsonlydana]

"passenger princess" | final chapter

the hobbit | a modern!AU by itsonlydana

❱ pairing: Thranduil x fem!reader

❱ wordcount: 7,5k

❱ summary: the rules of a man keeping love from himself and the girl who broke them

❱ warnings: mature language

❱ an: so, here it is. The last chapter. This was originally 24k on ao3 and now we hit 42k and around 148 pages on google docs. This has been unbelievable and i'm so glad to have added this and that and posted on here <3 thank you all for every comment & kudos & repost and just all of it🩷

general m.list + series m.list

🌿 reposts and comments are appreciated, they motivate me a lot - especially with longer projects <3

CHAPTER NINE: WHISPERS

The drive was a lot quieter than usual.

The radio still played classical music, the soft piano music filtering through the stereo and cradling you in welcome melodies. Instead of the usual chatter, you opted for silence, preferring to listen to Thranduil as he talked to you about his day in the softest of voices.

Once or twice you huffed out a wet laugh through your nose at something he sayed, a quip against one of his coworker or a joke he thought off, nearly soundless but Thranduils lips quirked up nevertheless.

He proved to be correct about the weather forecast too; shortly after the car departed from the city streets and ventured onto the highway, the skies opened up.

Initially, the rain descended in a gentle pitter-patter, small droplets defiantly challenging the windshield wipers. The lights of passing cars transformed into watercolor circles, providing a soothing spectacle that eased your eyes and calmed your nerves.

And not once left Thranduils hand your leg for longer than necessary.

You were watching him, looking at his side profile as he drove you through the night and quietly chatting. Giving you time. Not pushing you into telling him why he had to pick you up crying and had to hold you while you were crashing down a cliff.

He'd done it without a second thought, picking you up this godless hour like he hadn't been in bed already and abandoned sleep for you.

Thranduil, who waited for you to be ready to tell him what happened, throwing his evening plans for you overboard, once again coming to get you and comforting you with his touch; the spark inside your heart soared.

If this wasn't love, what else could it be?

By the time you arrived at the Oropherion home, the soft drizzle of the rain had turned into merciless streams of water crashing down to earth, obscuring the view out the front window as soon as the ignition died and the wipers came to a stop.

The seatbelts clicked loudly.

"I forgot an umbrella."

You turned your head from the shape of the house you could make out through the water streaming down the window to Thranduil. He had leaned forward to be able to look out the window as well, head tilted sideways and his mouth curled downwards at the sides.

"I guess we will have to run," you said softly.

"No. I will run, grab one of the umbrellas in the entry hall and pick you back up."

You let out a snort and your hand all but flew to your mouth.

"What?" Thranduil asked but you shook your head. "Why did you laugh?"

Your hand fell back into your lap, down to Thranduils one. "You don't have to run and then come back only for me to be dry. That's really unnecessary," you told him, biting your lower lip as you felt a smile blooming inside you "Though it is appreciated that you would do that for me."

He mirrored your smile and it's so heartful and warming, the way his lips changed from the frown and lifted up and you could see the smile reaching his eyes, his eyebrows relaxing as well as his jaw.

"Then let us run quickly and hope we are fast enough," Thranduil agreed, leaning towards you and opening your door, then his. He looked at you. "On go?"

You nodded.

"Three."

"Two."

"One."

"Go!"

Both of you jumped out of your seats, slamming the doors shut and then you were off. The rain poured down relentlessly as you and Thranduil dashed through the downpour towards the entrance of the house.

Within seconds you were completely soaked, wet from head to toe and your clothes clung to your body when you stumbled up the steps to the door, Thranduil close behind you.

So close, that he nearly crashed into you, as he took two steps at a time and stopped just a few centimeters from where you leaned heavily against the entrance, trying to wring out some of the water out of the sweater.

His hands landed next to your head with a thump as he stopped himself, the momentum of his halting resulting in his hair following his body, smacking against your face like a lasso. Not with much force but it still had you spluttering to get a few of the strands out of your mouth.

Thranduils face contorted in embarrassment as he realized what had you smacking your lips and huffing out a cough and he threw his long hair back over his shoulder. "Don't grin at me," he groaned while pulling his keys out of his pocket "I will die of humiliation if you ever speak of this in front of Legolas."

"What of?" you teased, "That you nearly ran me over with your tall body or that I got a taste of hair because you can't control that tall body?"

"Neither!" he growled, then yanked his keys out and jammed them into the keyhole. Before turning it, he stopped, locking down at you, flattened between him and the door.

His perfect thick eyebrows raised almost in a hesitant question in themselves. "You won't, right?"

Knowing he had been an – involuntarily – witness to many of the evenings Legolas and you had spent in their living room wearing your cutest pajamas and face masks that had scared him more than once, while you painted each others nails and gossiped like you would get paid for it by the minute, you understood the underlying fear in Thranduils voice.

Chuckling, you raised a hand, and curled your fingers around one of the few strands that clung to his drenched sweater and glistening jaw.

"I won't," you said but the eyebrows rose higher at the light amusement in your voice so you reassured him while brushing the strand behind his ear, following the curve of it to the pointed tip and felt him shuddering under the light touch.

"I promise! Pinky swear that I won't tell Legolas anything that involves your hair or your body," As soon as those words were out of your mouth, you grimaced.

Thranduil did too.

That didn't came out like you had wanted it to.

Even the simple thought of telling Legolas anything that involves anything private with Thranduil... no– you're sure that this would never happen.

You had tried talking to Legolas once more about the matter, checked in with him to ask what he thought of the progress you and Thranduil had been making after the cabrio conversation, and he had simply given you his permission if he wouldn't have to call you "mother"; a compromise you had rushed to agree to.

"Ew," you murmured, teeth being close to chattering as the wind slapped a fresh wave of rain your way "Never mind."

Thranduil nodded quickly. The one hand pressed against the door slid down and to your waist, leading you into the entrance hall after the key had turned and the both of you were stumbling into the safety of the house.

Inside, water dripping on the dark hardwood floors, Thranduils other hand found your waist as well, as he led you through the dark house from behind you.

You didn't bother with turning on the lights, you trusted Thranduil with finding his way through a house he had lived in for his whole life.

It almost ended in stumbling, especially given the trail you left behind, practically begging for a "caution: wet floors" sign. Thranduil was so near that you could feel not only his hands but occasionally his chest too, particularly when rounding corners or ascending stairs.

Somehow though you found yourselves in front of a closed door on the third floor with no injuries except for that ache in your heart that while being number than earlier, seemed to be a constant companion for the time being.

You knew in an instant what was behind said closed door.

It's quite an accomplishment to know what was behind it, looming, if you would have to be specific.

There were a lot of doors in the Oropherion house: the kitchen had three, there was a pantry door, Legolas bedroom door, the guest room doors, the library doors, the door to the cellar, and if you were in the right state – beer pissed if there was no other option but preferably wine tipsy – there was no telling where you would end up.

Well, the chances of you crashing into a storage room when you were aiming for the guest room you always stayed in were pretty high, high enough Legolas – or Thranduil nowadays – would accompany you up and save to the door, making sure you slept in the bed rather than a makeshift situation out of aprons and rags.

How easy it would be to lie and say that only happened once…

But no matter the level of alcohol in your blood and head, you never dared opening this door.

This was the only door you never touched, never even stopped in front of.

Sure, in your mind you were a regular visitor but that was between you and the fantasies coming alive ever since Thranduil had picked you up from that bar the one fateful night!

In reality, notably, a reality where you were much closer to those fantasies now than ever, there had never been an opportunity to come up to the third floor.

There were only three rooms up here.

The study behind the last door at the end of the hallway was where Thranduil would sometimes disappear into. You knew he hoarded some very special editions of books that you two had discussed.

The first door was to the old nursery, now no longer used but for an empty threat Thranduil held in his hands if Legolas dared to ignore the very few rules they had. If the threat was that Legolas would move back into the nursery or if Thranduil would bring out whatever was in there was not the matter, it was enough to bring Legolas back on track if needed.

And of course…

The master bedroom.

Thranduil's bedroom.

The one Thranduil was currently opening before you, his hands on your waist and his breath hot on your neck as he steered you into the room.

Unlike you, he didn't seem to give the situation a second thought, much less a third, fourth and from the way he kissed you on the back of the head and then walked to a door on the right side of the room, he wasn't on the verge of a nervous breakdown either.

You, on the other hand, could only stare at the room unfolding, exchanging the images of it you had drawn in your mind.

The bedroom you had imagined had been clinically tidy, in no more colors than grey, white and maybe he would be crazy and had thrown some black in there, and he would've had few pictures and books but just the barest minimum to have it look like this wasn't a furniture exhibition and not too much that the room could mess with the image of the cold, serious, stern and intimidating lawyer he put out for strangers.

For once, the walls were painted a beautiful dark green with gorgeous panels that graced them from the dark wood floors to the high ceilings, similar to the bay windows that reached the ceilings as well but had a slim bench.

The windows were framed by long rusty colored curtains. These windows would surely flood the room in the sunlight whenever the weather wasn't dark and gloomy like today.

Right now you couldn't even look out, but you knew from the guest room one floor under you, that this room had the perfect view of the garden that stretched behind the house and Thranduil would be able to look out right into the cherry tree.

There was a giant king-sized bed pushed against one of the walls without windows, the sheets midnight blue and most certainly silk, the pillows propped against the wooden headboard, and there were enough of them to make it look like the perfect place to disappear into sweet dreams.

Two nightstands were on either side of the giant bed, both had a simple lamp and some burned-down candles on them, as well as a book and a picture frame that was facing the bed.

On the left side of the bedroom door was another door left ajar, allowing you a small peak into the en suite bathroom, because of course Thranduil had his own private bathroom and you nearly snickered thinking of the many hair and skin products that he would hide in there.

On the window-side of the bed were two floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, filled to overflow with books, many of which you recognized even from afar. There was also a comfortable-looking old wing chair in front of the shelves, a wine-red blanket thrown over its arms.

Your eyes wandered to the right side of the room, to the door leading to the walk-in closet where Thranduil was currently pulling out some clothes.

Next to the door was a small desk with another bookshelf. Papers lay scattered on the surface in front of a dark computer, around them opened books and even more picture frames.

The room shocked you in the best way possible.

Everything looked so… well lived in.

From the pictures on the wall, shelves and every surface that they fit onto in an aesthetical, home-y way, to the phone cable next to the bed (you would tease Thranduil about that later; after all was he the one always bickering with Legolas that he shouldn't sleep with his phone in his bed), and the used cup with a coffee stain on the side next to one of the many books next to the wing chair.

He had some potted plants as well, tall ones in between the windows and smaller ones on shelves and the benches, and they didn't even look close to dying.

Not like the little cactus in your room that you would forget to water and if you remembered you would throw in whatever you were drinking that moment into the pot.

You could even spot a pair of socks next to the bed. Next to the unmade bed.

Thranduil had said on the phone that you'd called him when he was about to retire to sleep but seeing the rustled sheets and a thrown of pajamas right before you made it all so real.

This was Thranduil's bedroom, littered with pieces of his personality and you were standing right in the middle of it…

… dripping on what was probably a very expensive carpet.

With that realization you took a step back, whipping back and forth on your heels, eyes landing on Thranduil.

"Okay, I took the liberty to pull out some clothes for you," Thranduil said and stepped out of the closet, a gray sweater and what looked like black shorts in his hands. "You can change in the bathroom over there, through the door next to the bed." The clothes landed in your hands, you carefully held them away so as to not get them too wet and Thranduils smiled at you. "If you need anything, yell, alright? There should be some towels in there as well and I have a spare toothbrush under the sink."

You just nodded.

Entering the bathroom was another shock, considering it was as big, no definitely bigger, than the whole of your room and you could have sworn even the curved bathtub was bigger than your bed.

Right then, it looked more comfortable as well.

You switched on the lights and instead of one big light, many smaller ones lit up and bathed the room in a somehow quiet light. How light could be described as 'quiet' was beyond explanation for your tired mind, it fitted nonetheless.

Peeling the cold and wet sweater off pulled more on your heartstrings than on the synapses in your brain that would normally scream because of the fabric clinging to your skin most unpleasantly.

You hoped you could wear it again another time. You carefully draped it over the edge of the tub and the dress you had put on followed regardless of how dry it had been thanks to the sweater.

You couldn't get it off fast enough.

Certainly, you were aware that you had it on; you could feel the fabric stretching over your curves.

However, the encounter with it in the large round mirror above the sink was a startling surprise. Before you knew it, your mind was replaying the events of the evening right before your eyes.

Quickly and trying to avoid the breakdown winding its way up your body you scrambled for a towel, drying off the rest of the rainwater on your damp arms and legs, as well as wringing out your hair in an attempt to at least stop the dripping.

Then you all but jumped into the warm clothes Thranduil had given to you. The sweater that now pooled over your hands was long enough to reach your thighs and as inviting as the thought of ditching the pair of shorts was, you felt the slightly cool air nipping your legs.

But not even the soft fabric and nice smell, pines, and laundry detergent, could hold off the impending tears that came up when you brushed your teeth with the promised toothbrush and stared at yourself in the mirror.

You were able to wash off the makeup with some wipes and now there was a red, puffy face that pulled the same grimaces as you, the evidence of your crying as clear as the hurt in your eyes.

After spitting out your toothpaste and washing your face once again, you turned off the lights and stepped back into the bedroom.

It was dark there as well, the room illuminated by the lamps on the bedside tables, their glow casting golden hues on the face of the man standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

Your lips were automatically drawn upwards at the sight of Thranduil, especially now that he wore the dark blue pajamas. His hair was thrown together in a bun at the top of his head, some strands framing his face perfectly and lining up with his jaw.

His tongue swiped over his lips, cerulean eyes watching you intensely and you didn't miss when they raked over your body and how they lightened up.

"Did you find everything?"

"Yes, thank you."

More silence.

Thranduil took a step towards you, stretching his hand out in a wavy indication to the bed. "Uhm–" he cleared his throat "I don't want to impose but do you want to stay here tonight?"

Your jaw fell open at the invitation which prompted Thranduil's eyes to widen in shock. "You don't have to if you don't want it! I can bring you back downstairs to your room if you prefer some solitude after today–"

"No–"

"I wouldn't be mad, love."

"Thranduil," the second his name fell from your lips he shut his mouth.

"I will never get enough of that," he said quietly and you tilted your head in question. "Before you, my name was such a strange sound on the lips of others. Now.. now I fear that nothing I'll ever hear will sound as beautiful as my name when you say it."

Your face flushed hot at this admission, spoken so honestly that you knew it to be true.

"Well, uhm, Thran– Thranduil, I wouldn't mind… sleeping here, I mean," you rambled on, the thoughts in your brain scrambled like eggs or flown away like the leafs on the cherry tree outside; his words were a strong wind shaking your composure to the point you adverted your eyes in the fear of proclaiming all your love all of the sudden.

What came out your mouth instead, was a long yawn.

The exhaustion of the last two hours (how it had been only two and not more since the party) was rushing to your head now that you were finally in warm and dry clothes and additionally in Thranduils company, your body aching for rest.

Thranduil ultimately smiled, nodding once before he placed his hand on your lower back and turned you around. "Then it would be my absolute pleasure to have you here with me this night and every night you wish. Now, hush hush to bed or else you'll fall asleep right there"

Your cheeks turned another shade of pink and you wished the guest room a swift goodbye, not once feeling bad about abandoning the room next to your best friend if it meant you could sleep next to Thranduil.

That one morning you had awoken on the sofa was the sweetest of memories, especially the feeling that his tall body hugging you close to his chest had awoken.

He was someone that could protect you.

The moment you climbed onto the bed – and yes, climbed; the bed was high enough to have you move with one knee first and then try to gracefully jump the last part – the fabric of the sheets drew you in with their soft and light feel to it.

Thranduil joined you, slipping under the sheet on the right side of the bed and arranging the pillows in his back to his liking.

You observed the action, the routine in the movement of his hands as they pulled out the hair tie that had held his hair back and now removed, let the silver strands fall down his back and sides.

He grabbed his phone after he discarded the tie on the nightstand, the glow of the screen in the dark reflecting in his eyes as he switched to his alarm app and turned off the one single alarm that he had.

You snorted at that, pulling his attention to you.

"Sorry," you quickly said at his raised eyebrow "I didn't want to snoop. It's just funny that you have a single alarm while my phone in the morning rings nearly at a one-minute tact."

Thranduil chuckled and looked at his phone before turning to you. "Oh, I wondered why the hell you were getting calls in the morning when you sleep here. Not even my line in the office is that busy. And you still oversleep with that awful noise blasting your eardrums," he teased and you rolled your eyes at him.

"I do not oversleep!"

"You don't? My love, I can hear those appalling ring tones for what? An hour, two?"

"That's not oversleeping," you retaliated and lifted your nose into the air "I simply set my alarms an hour before I have to wake up so I can get that sweet sensation of being able to fall back asleep again and again," you sighed, reminiscent of the moments your head was being pulled back into the world of dreams

"and again..."

"You can't possibly fall asleep in those five– no two minutes that your phone is quiet before the next alarm screams out," Thranduil looked at you with disbelief.

"Of course I can, I'm a student. I will even accept the five minutes I have when Professor Baggins is making himself a cup of tea"

The sole look on your face told Thranduil you were serious and he shook his head, laughing to himself.

"It's been a long day," Thranduil said and you stifled a yawn. He chuckled, leaning over the small gap between you and breathed a short kiss on your forehead. "Let's sleep, my love," he murmured against your skin there and kissed you again. "You need the rest and I do too. We shall not wake with any alarm, you will sleep as long as you want."

"Uhm, then I would never leave this bed. Ever," you said and grinned, leaning against his lips in an attempt to get another kiss out of it.

He complied, laughing while doing it and the hot air of his breath caressed your face nearly as intimate as his hands on the side of your face.

You smiled but feigned a serious voice, one that could sound threatening if your smile wouldn't have shone through it: "I mean it! I will never ever get out of this bed, you will have to deal with me being here until I've worn out these gorgeous sheets."

Huffing, Thranduil sat back, a grin wide on his face. "Oh, how terrible that sounds! Most unfortunate... for your friends and university. I shall call them right in the morning and tell them Sleeping Beauty has fallen into her slumber and there was nothing I could do against it."

The sheets rustled as you giggled and wiggled down until your head rested comfortably on one of the pillows.

He looked down at you, the grin fell to a dramatic frown as when he reached over and stroked your cheek. "This fate must be so hard on you; staying here with me for all eternity."

You copied the dramatic sigh of his and tilted your head to face the ceiling. "The journey will be hard, but these pillows are soft enough to even it out. Besides, I'm sure there are worse possible outcomes for my future than sleeping here and waiting for a pretty prince to kiss me awake"

Grinning a Cheshire cat-like grin you snuggled deeper into the covers, pulling the sheet up your chest and inhaled the very masculine smell of them.. Thranduils smell.

"Maybe you can send Legolas up here to try"

A low blow, yes, you knew.

But Thranduil simply raised his eyebrow, he was so good at that, you envied him and wondered if he was born with simple talent or if he had worked for the perfection of the timing and the arch, and pushed the hair that had fallen on his chest back behind him.

"I would lock the door before allowing that," his lips curled in amusement.

Looking him up and down you pinched your lips. "Now that you say that, you do have an astonishing resemblance to Mother Gothel," For a moment you pondered "We would only need to dye your hair black, a shame, but– oh look! You even have the same scowl!"

Thranduil did indeed stare you down, cerulean eyes glaring until you saw the tiniest twinkle of mischief not just in his gaze but in the corner of his mouth as well. "I fail to see a resemblance between you and Rapunzel but if you exchange the Adam Sandler look you are wearing right now with a white nightgown I could see you as a slightly more obstinate Berta Manson," He reached over again and poked a long and slender finger into the pout of your cheeks. "And look at that, even the third floor fits!"

You gasped out loud at that, feigning hurt across your features whilst crossing your arms in front of your chest.

But before you could think of anything to retort, a yawn took over for you, breaking the teasing.

Thranduil promptly dropped his act as well, not fighting the besotted smile as he gave you another kiss, this time to the cheek. His hair tickled you when he leaned down and you scrunched your nose.

"As much as I would love to hear what comparisons you could up with," he started and his voice was low, deep, rolling through your entire body in pleasant waves "I believe sleep is in order. Good night my darling, sleep well." He leaned to the side and grabbed the cable hanging there, connected it with his phone, and set it down on the table, turning off the lights while he was at it.

Without making much noise Thranduil settled into the pillows again and his legs brushed yours under the covers.

"Excuse me", he said softly and drew back.

The rain was still heavy against the windows, supported by a low rumbling in the distance and the howling of the wind that shook the trees outside the house.

Nature was loud with everything, from the brewing thunder to the raindrops collecting in a puddle on the window sill in a constant drip drip drip...

The silence inside the room was unbearable loud for you. The rustling of the sheets when you moved even the tiniest bit was as loud in your ears as the roaring ocean waves crashing against the shore, hell, you even thought your swallowing and blinking would make enough noise for Thranduil to hear.

Just as all the lights had gone out, something had settled over the room.

You couldn't put your finger on it, didn't know what it was exactly that was now present but you could feel it in your stomach.

It wasn't awkwardness.

Not like you had sometimes felt it after one night stands when the guy would stay in your room and it would suffocate you to have this person next to you that you really didn't want to have there.

Not like you had felt it the first time you had to crash at Aragorns and he you had fought about where you would sleep and he'd made the argument that you both were adults and could sleep in one bed after twenty minutes of back and forth.

You had kept your distance to him that night and it was like every bit of friendly affection was put on hold for the six hours you had tried not to move and accidentally brush against him.

It wasn't like that now.

It wasn't discomfort either.

It was more pressing, eating away at you and crawling it's way up your body, from your stomach where it fluttered similar to nervousness, biting down in your chest and had you taking a deep breath until you felt it in your throat.

You tried to swallow only to found your mouth full of words that pressed against your teeth and lips, urging to be said out loud into the silence of the room.

You slightly opened your mouth, wettened your lips as the words formed each other to a sentence.

A statement.

A question.

"You never asked what happened tonight."

A whisper.

And then, the rustling of sheets.

Thranduils voice was hesitant at first: "It isn't my place to question it. I figured you would either tell me when you are ready or not at all and I would be fine with it either way." While he talked you could hear and feel him moving, sitting up against the pillows again. "I was worried, god yes and so much, but as soon as I knew that you were safe– safe with me, then I gave you the choice," he talked quietly, concern etched into the words when he seemed to remember the phone call.

The answer wasn't enough to satisfy the restlessness that harbored your body, it seemed to fuel it further and you had to sit up as well to try to calm a few of the nerves. "Yes, but wouldn't you want to know?" you asked in the direction you could make his face out. "I had you driving to the city without telling you anything and you did it. Without question."

"Are you mad at me for doing so?" he asked, the frown audible in his voice.

Your frustration grew and you felt the childish need to kick your legs or cry again. "No!" you said, far too loud and immediately lowered your voice, "No, I'm not mad. I just can't wrap my head around it. If I had written any of my friends they wouldn't have let go until I told them anything and then try to strangle whoever is responsible."

In a second the lights were switched on again and you saw a horrified look on Thranduils face. "Whoever is responsible?" he repeated, the words strangely choked "I– sweetheart I believe you if you tell me you are alright but if there is anyone out there that hurt you I promise you I can help."

You lowered your head as he talked but soft and cold fingers on your chin forced you to look at him again.

His eyes wandered over your face with the same precision of taking everything in and he fixed you with a worried expression. "I care for you, very much so and I know this day was exhausting for you so if you want us to go back to sleep I'll rest but you worry me. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Could you hold me? Please?"

It took a lot for the words to come out, the question not an easy one but you found yourself being tugged over to Thranduil, the man pulling you without as much as a question or hesitation, and struggle.

You landed on his lap in seconds, your knees digging into the pillows at either side of him and you fell into his chest with a deep sigh.

Almost instantly his arms wrapped around you, pulling the sheet up to cover your back and him with it and you rested your head on his shoulder, your arms holding onto him with the same eagerness to hold him close as his.

"There was an argument at the party," you began, whispering the words into his shoulder loud enough for him to hear them.

"My roommate wanted me to meet a guy, the brother of the guy she had been hanging out with; and at first I made a joke about her with these two guys, brothers because she had been joking too but then she told me one would be there for me."

Pausing, you took a deep breath. Your hands had wandered, twirling starlight blonde strands between your fingers. It calmed you, grounded you.

"And I was shocked, really shocked and annoyed because why would she invite a guy for me to make out with as if I didn't have a say in it? Who does that? I have told here before that that's not something I do, especially not now…" your voice trailed off, "Not since you."

"She got angry so fast. In one second she was laughing about making out with two guys and in the next she said these really hurtful things and I stood there, listening to her yelling at me at a party I originally didn't even want to be at and she didn't stop, didn't pause, just throwing every negative thought she had about me on me like our friendship had meant nothing. Well, it wasn't really a friendship."

You were two identical puzzle pieces that had somehow pressed into each other when you had met in your shared apartment in the dorm three weeks before the start of university.

A friendship, much more based on forced harmony and the desire to desperately know someone in this new place than matching preferences.

The rest grew around the shared space, shared experience and somehow you found things you both enjoyed, partying mostly, before you concentrated on the friendship with the boys.

"She was so mean, Thranduil," you mumbled, hands continuing their work on braiding his hair absently minded. "I had to get out of there, it became to much too fast and I couldn't look at anyone anymore. The people there must have heard everything... there were some guys I knew from Saurons class– I don't even want to think about what they think of me now."

Thranduils hand stopped the reassuring movements on your back and they moved up to your neck, guiding your head to look at him.

"I am so very sorry that happened to you," he started and his eyebrows drew together over the cerulean eyes filled with concern.

"Firstly I think however she thought she was helping you with inviting that boy, she should've checked with you and accepted whatever answer you gave her. I don't want to defend her in any way but maybe in her mind that was how she wanted to spend the evening with you." He worded his opinion carefully, ever the lawyer and you could imagine that he had quite a bit of practice with Legolas as well.

"Yes, she did. After I moved into the dorm we went out.. a lot," you abandoned the finished braid and moved to the next few strands of hair, right behind his ear. "And sometimes she would bring a guy home and I did too, once or twice. It didn't made me happy, not really. I think she was jealous because I have Legolas and Gimli and Aragorn and with them I don't need some guy and alcohol to tolerate a party."

"But jealousy isn't a good enough explanation for hurting you, nothing is," Thranduil moved his head, giving you room to pull out some of the long hair from behind him before settling again. "Do you want to tell me what she said?"

You froze, hands still in his hair, thin strands slipping between your fingers like water.

'Do you know how disgusting it is to see you being driven home at night by a man as old as my father? Not to mention it's your best friend's father'

'At first I really believed you were sleeping with Legolas since you were always with him and god I would have understood that'

'Is he paying you for sex? Or what does he want from you of all people?'

It was like you were confronted with them for the first time, your body reacting to remembering the tone, the venom and you tensed up.

Thranduil felt it inevitably as your thighs squeezed around his legs and started to pull in to your chest.

"Hey," he whispered, leaning forward to press his forehead against yours "Breathe for me, darling. Everything is alright, you are here."

"No it's not," you let out a breath as instructed, sitting up on Thranduils lap. "It's not and it's not fair that she can say these things and here I am, stupid enough to believe them.. or not doubt them. Stupid–"

"You are not stupid!" Thranduil said, his voice taking on a stern tone "You are far from it."

"Then how do you explain that it takes a simple 'no one really wants you if you're not fucking them' to have me crying on a curb in the middle of the night?"

You nearly didn't dare to open your eyes again, not when the tears were starting collect in them like the rain drops on the window sill but then Thranduils hands cupped your face fully, hands on your cheek and his thumbs followed the curve of your trembling lips.

"Look at me. Please, look at me," he whispered and you couldn't not follow.

The sight of Thranduil was blurred until you blinked a few times, sniffing to fight the tears from falling.

Thranduil's face was so close to you, close enough to nearly feel the words he was speaking. "You are a wonderful woman, my love, and these thoughts are poisoning your mind. If she said these things she doesn't know you as I do," He paused, holding your gaze and his heartbeat thrummed in your chest.

It beat in the same tact as the rain against the window.

Building up as your hand slid down from his hair to his chest, halting right above his heart.

"You never kiss me," you said in nothing more than an exhaled breath and the beat under your hand stuttered.

His eyes flickered down to where his thumbs where swiping over your mouth, hesitation in them when he looked back at you. "I know, I know. I wanted to, god I wanted to kiss you every time I dropped you off at your dorm and hated myself for letting you go with that look in your eyes that waited for me to do so," his voice trailed off into a sigh, his nose nudging against yours "To be honest with you my love, I was scared of how deep I would fall if I got closer to you, that I would lose myself. Ever since the night you stood in front of that painting, I could feel myself losing control over the rules I had set."

"Rules?" you interrupted, too confused to let that conversation drift away from that specific point.

He sighed again. "Yes, rules. Stupid ones really. When Legolas started talking about you I was intrigued, glad he found friends, yes, but the more time he spend just awing about your wit and how smart you were, helping him through exams, forcing him to study the more curious I got."

Thranduil's hands followed the curve of your cheekbone, continuing to talk as he caressed the skin in gentle movements that kept your head steadied on him.

"And then imagine my surprise when I picked you up that night at the bar–" He kissed the tip of your nose, "and here you were, not only smart, polite and so nervous but beautiful as well. And then you came over more and more, spending the night, reading more books in my library than I could count and you started these discussions at the breakfast table"

Thranduil huffed at the memory, shaking his head minimally.

"Politics, literature, oh even that one morning when you convinced Legolas to not skip class and he went out of the house with his night wear just because he wanted you to stop talking! I knew that if I didn't hold myself back I would move through hell and back if you asked me to. So I thought of these rules."

"Not touching you, not staring at you in awe, not lingering in the living room when you were over–", he counted on his finger of one hand.

"You did a good job at that," you whispered. Thranduil huffed out a laugh, his whole body heaving under you.

He nodded, "Yes, I may have failed sometimes–" You stared at him "Okay often! All that fell away after the moment at the painting. I knew I would never rest peacefully if I didn't try to find out what your true feelings were after you stared up at me."

"That's when things moved a lot faster. Why you were all hot-and-cold. " you concluded, your head feeling all fuzzy after listening to him.

All of it fell into place then, the hesitant touches, the disappearing into his study.

Have you two been suffering for much longer if you could have just talked to each other? But then, the teasing and the tension had been utterly electrifying.

"And, please tell me if I'm wrong, the night you asked me out, to the concert I mean, were you sure then? That this could work?"

Thranduil nodded, nose once again brushing against you. His hands fell down to your waist, which you gratefully leaned into. Your face had grown considerably warmer with his fingers stroking your lips.

"It was either the concert or Netflix and chill," he responded in such a wishful tone that had you laughing out loud.

"That wasn't my proudest moment. I swear you asking me out on a date was unbelievable. I missed the whole lecture from Sauron the next day because all I could think about was if you had been serious"

"Of course I was serious, the evening is all planned out in my mind. Frankly, I had planned it when I got the tickets and still had to ask you if you wanted to go. But I think we are getting of track here," You stared at him, thighs shuffling nervously around. You saw him swallowing, adams apple bobbing in his throat as his eyes darted down to your lips.

"I think," he started with his voice an octave deeper than before "I would very much like to kiss you now– if you'll still have me"

All you could do was nod and then Thranduils lips hovered over yours, his eyes searching your face for a final permission and when you gave it to him in a barely audible "please," his lips finally touched yours.

The first kiss was soft, almost just a brush. It was the catalyst, the lighter for the fire sizzling inside you.

You closed your eyes and let yourself fall. Hands fisted in his shirt you leaned closer, closing the gap between you for another kiss, this one more daring, lips starting to move against each other in a hurry.

Thranduils hands grabbed your waist more forwardly, bunshing the fabric up, fingertips ghosting over your heated skin and you gasped into his mouth at the feeling of the cool and smooth digits.

He used it as an opportunity and licked over your lips with his tongue, crashing every thought you would ever had into a mess.

This was not like other first-kisses, this was not some fumbling around and trying to get into a rhythm.

Thranduil's lips moved with a purpose and directed urgency reflecting the hundreds of thoughts you both shared individually about this moment.

A deep and rumbling hum of appreciation vibrated in his chest and his hands spread all over your hips, holding you close to him as if you would ever think of leaving again.

When you broke apart, gasping for air and chest heaving, you could only stare at him. Thranduil's gaze was wandering over your face, dilated pupils hushing right and back, taking you all in in a way, gaze so pure and open with all of his feelings pouring out of it, that your heart screamed and her bones ached.

It was then and it was right.

There was no more space, no more shadows, just you and him.

"Again"

taglist [still open]: @mushroomemeralds, @mssuguru, @solartoge, @12134z03, @fruitymoonbeams-blog, @lady-of-imladris , @finallyforgotten , @123forgottherest @tomhockstetter7-111 @marshymallo @emily-roberts @howlerwolfmax @tigereyesf @seththetinydemon

[cr-pisacs-evil-brother]

Pathologic Bachelor ARG Megapost

This post is a culmination of months of (mostly my own) research into the Bachelor ARG. For far too many days and far too many hours, I’ve been doing my best to solve this, with the help of a few other people. I looked very deep into most Fyodor Vitin posts, played through The Marble Nest several times, looked extensively through the Pathologic wiki, and read/analyzed countless outside sources for this post, and I will link as many of them as I can. (If there are links that you think would help the ARG that you’d like included in here with credit please let me know.) For any people that are credited, an “@” before their name implies that it’s a Tumblr username, while a “u/” proceeding their name implies it’s a Reddit username. I have discovered and analyzed dozens of leads, some of which are more likely to be important or intentional on the part of IPL than others. The primary purpose of this post is to give all of you Pathologic fans new leads and theories to analyze in pursuit of solving the mystery behind this ARG, so many of the things within this post should be looked into further! With this post, I will lay out my findings in a series of sections, all of them having several connections to each other. This post is more than 10,000 words and is not meant to be read all at once, so feel free to read sections, take breaks, re-read sections, or skip around if you'd like. “Observations, Research, Analysis” is a vast majority of this post and consists of observations made about the ARG material, as well as any research I did into those findings that bore fruit, and analysis/connections to other things. The additional notes section consists of some of the conclusions I’ve reached after putting all of my evidence together, as well as some connections I didn't really make in the previous section, but keep in mind they’re still just theories so they could obviously be wrong. I would like to emphasize that I am not a native Russian speaker, but I did have many native Russian speakers helping me along the way, and in particular, I’d like to thank @kurury-chan for her massive help with this. She transcribed the newspaper for me, provided tons of consulting, translated many other Russian sources, and actually went out of the way to go on an irl tour of a certain ARG-related location to see if my theories about it could hold any ground! Because I'm not a native Russian speaker, the sections where I'm required to analyze Russian text (notably the newspaper section) will probably be the least interesting and I'll probably end up making a lot of points that aren't valid. Additionally, I’d like to thank @cryingsyren (who also happens to be my bf) and @ded-not-ded for their help. As for formatting, since Tumblr doesn't have tiered lists for some fucking reason, all main points will be written as bullet points, and any sub-points within that bullet will then have numbered points afterward. For example like this:

The first main point about a topic

Sub-point of the first point

Second sub-point

The second main point about a topic

I'll either do that or I'll do it like this:

First main point

First sub-point First sub-sub-point

Second sub-point

Second main point

Edit 1: I've had to revert much of the Chat text (the font I used for the sub-points above) to regular text because of a formatting glitch that irreversibly changed most of the Chat text to bold, which was very confusing.

Depending on which looks better in the context of the points. Because that formatting is so awkward and clunky I'll try to minimize the use of tiered lists as I convert this from the Google Docs format to the Tumblr Format. Most of the time that I use tiered lists here it's to deal with the character limit Tumblr has on single blocks of text within a post. With that out of the way, let's just get into the post.

Observations, Research, Analysis:

"The Accident" Fyodor Vitin post

The first thing I noticed about the newspaper when I took a good look at it was the use of bolding with certain letters. If you look at the Newspaper you’ll also see ink splattered on the page in several areas, which could be a clue toward noticing the bolded letters, or it could be something else I’ve yet to discover. I knew I wouldn’t be able to transcribe the entire newspaper by myself, not being a Russian speaker (although I’ve just started learning!) so I enlisted the help of @kurury-chan, a native Russian speaker, and she transcribed the entire newspaper for me in Cyrillic. After getting this transcription I went through and spent a couple of days looking for which letters were bolded, writing them down, and coming up with possible translations/meanings. I’ve come up with lots of possible meanings for these, but for many of them I couldn’t figure anything out, and I’d love help if anyone has any idea what they could mean! To me many of them seem like word fragments that are simply missing one or two letters, and so in the document where I list all of the bolded letters I put some words/phrases that are very close to the seemingly fragmented words. Once again keep in mind that, while I’m trying to learn Russian, my understanding of the language is still rather weak, so I may have mistranslated some of these. Another small detail to mention is that there’s a prominent crease on the left side of the paper that runs through a decent portion of the bolded words. First, I’ll start with the bolded letters on the left side of the page. I may have missed a couple, and I may have written some of them down as bolded when maybe they aren’t supposed to be seen as such.

Here is a link to a list of all the letters I think are bolded on the left side, which lines they’re on, and possible meanings, many of which I’ll be discussing here. I will not go individually through what I believe all the bolded letters mean, but I will go through and explain the ones I think are most meaningful and important, as well as some connections I’ve made with them. And here is a link to the original Russian transcription and my best attempt at an English translation.

It’s possible that the crease that runs through the left side of the paper and notably runs through many bolded words somehow denotes that those particular bolded words are special, or perhaps that they should be seen as separate from the other bolded words.

Line 15 has a rather interesting bolded phrase, because it actually appears to make a somewhat coherent 3-word phrase, but one of the words seems to be a surname, “Pepe.” Additionally, the crease on the left side of the page starts right above the word “ПЕПЕЛИЩЕ” in the title, and splits it so that “ПЕПЕ” is separate from the rest of the word. (ПЕПЕ is Pepe in Cyrillic.) If you want to know what the non-Pepe words say, skip to the next bullet point, because the rest of this one is my analysis of the ПЕПЕ part. So, of course, I looked into the name a bit, looking through all notable historical figures with the last name, and found one that I think is of special interest: Guglielmo Pepe. Born in the small ancient town of Squillace, Pepe entered the army at a very young age, and was an Italian commander during the early 1800s, but his military career was fraught with trouble, as he also had rather revolutionary politics, which angered both the government he was serving and many of his peers, and he was exiled on several occasions. Upon Pepe’s return to Italy at the age of 30, he was given the rank of general. After this, the most notable events in his life would largely consist of his attempts at going rogue in revolutionary attempts to change the existing power structure, for which he was usually punished. (It’s also perhaps worth mentioning that his brother was part of the attempted French invasion of Russia.) All of this is to say, Pepe obviously shares some striking similarities to General Block, perhaps the most striking of which is his status as a 30-year-old general, which is an aspect of Block’s character that is highlighted several times. So, of course, I looked into Block’s character a bit more, and discovered that in the Russian version of the game he is called “General Ash” instead of “General Ashes.” “Strange,” I thought, until I saw that in Russian, Ash is “Пепел” which is pronounced as “Pepel” for anyone that isn’t familiar with Cyrillic. If we look into it, we do see that the letter after the Пепе is л, but it is notably not bold. This is, if you're counting, two separate times in this paper where the plural for ash, пепелище, is split up so that only the пепе is emphasized. As for other connections between Pepe and Block, we could look at them both harboring some revolutionary tendencies and being punished for it, both by The Powers That Be and his peers. General Block also tells Artemy that he was born in a town not too dissimilar to the Town on Gorkhon; this is interesting because there are some connections to be drawn between Squillace and Gorkhon, primarily that both of them preserve the beauties of ancient times that have all but been lost to most people. Related to this, it should also be noted that I believe the plot of The Marble Nest was heavily based on the plot of The Seventh Seal, which is the same movie that inspired the character Alexander Block.

The rest of line 15 is also interesting, but I’m not sure exactly what it’s supposed to mean yet. It translates to “Heaven on Pepe” basically. I consider the “Pepe” part to probably be the most important, since there’s a large crease that runs through it, which I think probably denotes a level of importance? The line’s meaning might be related to the fact that “heaven” is sort of a synonym for “utopia,” or the character that Block is based on is the protagonist of a movie that revolves around the ideas of heaven and Christianity, which is something we saw very briefly with Block in Pathologic 1. If you have any ideas please post about them and tag me, or simply comment/reblog this with your ideas!

Line 1 and line 18’s bolded letters both start out with “ов”, and for my English speakers out there it is pronounced sorta like “ove.” ов is interesting because if you translate it as о-в it actually is the shortened form of “island” in Russian. Line 1’s bolded letters read as “ов попо”, and for people not familiar with Cyrillic попо is basically “popo.” There are, apparently, many Popo islands in the world, and I couldn’t find one that I think directly connects to the ARG or Pathologic, but maybe someone else out there will, or perhaps that line has a different meaning to it. As for line 18, it says “ов испустивших” and according to Russian wiktionary, the second word is one letter off from the word “Emitted.” I looked a bit deeper, though, because that didn’t satisfy me (why would they use the incorrect spelling of a word after all?) and I didn’t see much, but I did find two things that used the exact word “испустивших” that interested me: A Saudi Arabian newspaper that has been translated into Russian, as well as a Russian poem from 1777 celebrating the birth of Grand Duke Alexander Pavlovich, also known as Alexander I of Russia. The latter is more interesting to me for numerous reasons, the first one being that it might serve my theory about the connection between line 1 and 15, as line 1’s bolded letters end with попо and line 15’s end with пепе. The connection is weak, too weak for me to make it a separate bullet point, but strong enough for me to want to explain. So, as we know, there is a connection between line 1 and 18, it’s what this whole bullet point is about, and this theory (using the term “theory” loosely) relies on us seeing them as very closely connected. Basically, Alexander I was the ruler of Russia during the French invasion, which is interesting because, if you’ll remember, Guglielmo Pepe’s brother, Florestano Pepe, took part in the French invasion. This, to me, is an interesting connection, but I do admit it’s definitely a reach.

That’s where I’ll stop talking about the bolded letters on the left side of the paper. If you’d like to see what other bolded letters there are, what they could possibly mean, and try to decipher the meaning for yourself please go to my linked Google Doc(s).

As for the right side of the Newspaper, there are some bolded letters, but I can't seem to make much sense out of them, and by this point in my research I was starting to pursue more promising ARG leads, so this section is rather incomplete. Just as a reminder, the right side of the newspaper is an advertisement for a lantern/kerosene shop. I personally think the right side is more interesting than the left for a couple reasons, but most of them are either self-evident or will be discussed later.

The lantern on the right side of the paper is the same model that’s used throughout the Haruspex’s route, but most notably it’s used a ton during The Marble Nest as set dressing. And when I say "a ton" I really mean it.

I also remembered vaguely an unused lantern item found in the game files of Pathologic 2, so I went to the Pathologic wiki to look for it, and surely enough the exact lantern used by Artemy, the one that appears so many times in The Marble Nest, is also an unused item present in the game files. When using console commands to give yourself the item, you’re able to click on it and select the “touch” option, upon which you’ll see the number 6192355001378070 where the name of the item should be, and 6192355001378072 where the touch text should be. I’m not sure exactly what these numbers are supposed to mean; my first thought was that they seemed long enough to be coordinates, so I put them into google maps and it does lead to a location in Russia! Nonetheless, the numbers are a little bit too long to make sense as cohesive coordinates. Still, it might be something worth investigating. You'll see later in this post just how significant numbers and number patterns are in this ARG.

The word used to describe one of the victims of this inferno, “academician,” has sorta interesting connotations in countries that were once part of or heavily influenced by the USSR. This person is referred to as “Mr. F.L.” in the article. This guy is also said to be a historian and a “бытооописателя,” which as you can probably tell by the fact that I’m not using the translated English version is a weird word. Perhaps the strangest thing about this word is the fact that it clearly has 3 o’s where there should only be one. The actual meaning of this word is odd, as it’s very rarely used, and according to all sources I could find (including native Russian speaker and linguistics enthusiast @kurury-chan) it is either an archaic term for a historian or a term meaning “writer of everyday life.” I’m honestly not sure what that means, and at first, I thought it meant something like a blogger. The most complete and coherent definition I could find describes it as “author of works describing everyday life.” A different translation I found seems to say it means something like "chronicler," which I suppose makes some sense.

In the bottom right part of the paper, you will notice what at first appears to be a signature. Admittedly I had almost no hand in this part of the investigation, except for the isolation and upscaling of the text. Most of the work here was done by @cryingsyren with some help from @kurury-chan and @ded-not-ded. Here is the image that I got for them of the text, and here is our current interpretation of it: It at first seemed to be Russian cursive (and it probably is supposed to be), which complicates things quite a bit, and @cryingsyren spent a couple days trying to figure out exactly what it says, (with some help from @kurury-chan) and as far as we can tell it’s four letters, which are separated into either two or three sections. I think we have a decent grasp on what they’re supposed to be in Cyrillic, but the interesting thing is that they do look a lot like both Russian and Latin cursive. I’ll describe them now using what Latin character they look like in quotes followed by what Cyrillic character they look like in parenthesis. The first section is an “M” (М) and a “K” (К), which are very clearly connected. The next section is either an “H” (Н) or an “H” and an “n/u”. We’re not exactly sure whether the H and the n/u are supposed to be connected, but the n/u being lowercase seems to imply it is. The interesting thing about the n/u is that, while it looks like it could be a Latin n or u, it also looks like it could be a Cyrillic и, which is the italicized version of the Russian letter и. It seems all too coincidental that all of the letters they used have almost exact visual counterparts in the Latin alphabet. At the moment our working theory is that it could be initials, and this is where I come in, because for days I knew I recognized the "MK" part of the signature, but I couldn't remember exactly where from until today. For anyone that has played too much Pathologic Classic HD like me, you may recognize the "MK" signature from the center of the loading screen in that game, scrawled in a way that most people wouldn't pay attention to it, and certainly that most people wouldn't have it committed to memory like me. During the roughly 170 hours I've spent playing the game I've probably looked at that MK more than I've looked at my youngest brother. This presents the question, who is MK? Well at first I thought it could be Mr. Katzman, as referenced in the "Mask" post, but that didn't seem right to me. This is when the fact that so much of my brain is Pathologic lore facts came to help again, when I remembered state inquisitor Mark Karminsky, who you may remember as being one of the men people thought would come to the town before Aglaya Lilich showed up. As for the rest of the writing, I'll leave that up to you guys to figure out.

Something to note for later on: We know there to be 19 inquisitors when Pathologic takes place, and in this ARG the number 19 becomes very important with later clues.

"Mask" Fyodor Vitin post

Arguably this is the Fyodor Vitin post I’ve done the most research into, and it eventually led me to develop a very deep and passionate interest in the Buryat peoples that has so far caused me to read several books and around a dozen academic papers about them. I haven’t only done research into the Buryats for this post, though, because although the Buryats are the primary inspiration for The Kin, they’re not the only inspiration. Despite all of this research work, this section will be rather short because I’ve already been through and exhausted most possible leads I’ve found, and this is what remains. Since the post is in English, and I think everyone that follows me presumably knows English (если вы не говорите по-английски, я хвалю вас за то, что вы зашли так далеко) I won’t summarize it, so I’d recommend reading the Vitin post and then coming back.

We see in the post the mask of “Muu Shubuun,” which we’ll immediately notice is almost the exact same mask as is used by the Executors in the game. Actually, in the Marble Nest, you can acquire the Executor mask, and its touch text reads, “The mask of Muu Shubuun, ‘the wicked bird.’ Part of the Reaper costume from the local theatre.” I have found several different sources that lead me to believe this is based on actual Buryat folklore, however, I’ve heard several conflicting accounts on whether Muu Shubuun is an evil spirit that tricks people by taking the shape of a beautiful woman, or if it’s closer to what we see in the game/ARG, but both seem to be documented as existing within sources on the Buryats. I think this confusion between the two likely means the stories and connotations associated with Muu Shubuun vary based on different groups of Buryats. An alternate spelling I’ve seen used is “Mu Shuvuu.” Possibly related to this is the character “Shar Shuvuu” (which means “eagle owl”), who appears in The Marble Nest during the “marriage” scene in the steppe camp behind the cathedral. In fact, a surprisingly high number of NPC characters in this DLC are named after birds.

The phrase used in the post to describe a seasonal festival, “dosoo ba beshē tēēhēē” is where I’ve devoted much of my research, with most of that research being from about a month ago. Only the third word in this phrase, beshē, appears as a kin word in the games as far as I know. However, we can use a method here that people in the Pathologic community have been using for years to figure out the meaning of kin words: Most of the steppe language in the game is based on one of many languages: Buryat mostly, Mongolian sometimes, Tibetan sometimes, and some parts of it also take inspiration from other languages of similar origin to these. A majority of the language seems to be based on Buryat, and many Kin words come straight from the language. A few words in the game seem to be made up entirely by Ice-Pick Lodge, and many are based on words from the aforementioned real languages but tweaked slightly, as if to indicate that the steppe language spawned from those languages but has some distinctive elements. To determine what this phrase means, I tried my best to dig into the languages and find parallels:

“Dosö” in Buryat means “inside”

In Mongolian “dooshoo” means “down”

In Mongolian “ba” means either “and,” “we,” or “sorcery”

In Tibetan, “ba” means “cow”

“Beshē” in the game’s steppe language means either “not” or “other”

The prefix “të-” in Buryat means “to transport”

In Mongolian the prefix “te'e-” also means “to transport”

As for the “-hee” part of the word, I have not found a single source that could tell me what it means. I’ve found several Buryat words that end in “he,” but I can’t seem to find a connection between them strong enough to suggest what it denotes.

Upon first seeing this festival mentioned, I believe I commented somewhere on the Pathologic subreddit that it might be the same one we see in the Kin’s camp behind the cathedral in The Marble Nest. While I’m not 100% convinced still, I also don’t doubt it that much. One interesting thing to note for any people that might wanna investigate this in the future is that I’m pretty sure what we see in the Marble Nest is the same thing that Nara and the Haruspex perform in the abattoir, as they both seem to happen on day 10, and if you look close you can see that Nara is the one that is cut open in The Marble Nest. Seemingly with the Haruspex gone, there is no one that knows the lines and so the ritual doesn’t go as smoothly as it could.

“Messages” Fyodor Vitin Post:

This particular Fyodor Vitin post is the third one, which if you know Ice-Pick Lodge certainly has some importance to it. The post is a series of letters and images, one depicting an Executor and one depicting Voronika Kroy, who's a minor character in Pathologic 2 and the main character in the Pathologic Feverish Feelings ARG. The letters detail how the recipient’s reports about Voronika Kroy have been seen and have started an investigation by the Federal Bureau. What’s most interesting to me are two things: the jumble of (Latin alphabet) letters in the bottom left, and the number used within the letters (the post-card letters in this case).

The number in question is “196-17-1” which is apparently the case number used for the Voronika Kroy investigation. This number will be more important later in relation to other clues. One interesting thing I've found is that the RGB value for 196-17-1 is a deep red.

The jumble of letters at the bottom of the picture is “eiamrucdvrturxoevecid”. It is 21 letters and can be divided up into chunks of 3 or 7 letters. 3 and 7 of course being Ice-Pick Lodge’s favorite numbers. Up until this point, it has been assumed that this is an anagram, and I have no reason to doubt that. It has already been pointed out in the Pathologic subreddit that the words “Executor” and “Corvid” can be found in the anagram, as well as the Latin words “Cura”, “Curare”, “Curari”, “Medici”, and “Vivam.” Credit for finding the Latin words goes to u/apostforisaac who is apparently studying Latin at university! Additionally, u/Own_Sympathy_9814 deduced a possible meaning by unscrambling the anagram and finding “MAVRUD + VERIDIC + EXECUTOR”, which they believe hints toward the answers lying in the Marble Nest (I wrote the entire Marble Nest section of this post before finding their post about that, so I do feel pretty validated by it). Many people have been approaching this anagram, like many other parts of the ARG, as if they have one right answer, and frankly, I just don’t think that’s in the style of Ice-Pick Lodge. I’ll quickly list out some words/phrases I found in the anagram and what they mean/how they could relate. I will also include words that have already been discussed, and they’ll be marked with a “*” so you don’t think I found them. Most of the ones marked with a * I won’t be discussing, as most have already been discussed extensively. I also won’t be discussing the ones that I think probably don’t have much meaning, but I’m including them because it still could be something later on down the road.

I am You don’t actually even have to unscramble the letters to get this one, as the second, third, and fourth letters of the jumble simply spell it out. What's interesting is that the 7 "I am" discourses are a crucial part of the Christian Gospel according to John. The Gospel according to John was an important clue during the Feverish Feelings ARG, which revolved around Voronika Kroy and her Inquisitor father, Peter Kroy. If we're speaking of the four canonical gospels, we must also address the Gospel according to Mark, which coincidentally is the name of an inquisitor that has popped up elsewhere in this ARG. Following this theme, there is actually a non-canonical Gospel According to Peter, which seems too cool to be a coincidence.

Eve This is one you don’t have to unscramble also. Interestingly, Daniil is often compared to a snake, even being called a snake-man in Marble Nest by Shaazgai, a man belonging to the Kin. In the biblical story of Adam and Eve, it is a snake, often thought to be the devil, that convinces Eve to eat the forbidden fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Retroviridae The scientific name for a retrovirus. If I was more knowledgeable about biology I would say more, but this seems important.

Rex Iudaeorum Translating in Latin to “King of the Jews,” this was the inscription that allegedly was put on the cross that held Jesus of Nazareth, as detailed by 19:19 in the book of John. Very interesting as Daniil does compare himself to Jesus at least once in the Haruspex route, on the night before Aglaya comes. The Gospels, as discussed before, all detail the life and crucifixion of Jesus Christ. The "19" connection is also interesting because of the inquisitor detail, and I'll talk about more of the connections to 19 later in the post.

Cardio Commonly used medically as a prefix for heart conditions, “cardio” is a Latinized version of the Greek “kardia,” which simply means heart. Heart imagery is very common and significant to the Bachelor.

Eva This is similar to the Russian version of Eve.

Corvid*

Cura*

Curare*

Curari*

Medici*

Vivam*

Mavrud*

Veridic*

Executor*

Order Could relate to the committee in The Marble Nest and the fact that after they’re replaced by tragedians the absurd order begins getting sent out to the orderlies.

Carex ericetorum This is a plant that would almost definitely be present in/around the Town on GorkhonThis is a plant that would almost definitely be present in/around the Town on Gorkhon

Creature

Marble Nest:

The Marble Nest, as we know, is very concise, only really lasting half a day in-game. Because of this, the dialogue does tend to feel a lot more intentional, as though the named characters are not necessarily speaking only to The Bachelor but also trying to convey a message to the player. This, of course, is because The Marble Nest takes place inside Dankovsky’s head. If this ARG will be revolving partly around The Bachelor, as it seems to be, then there’s no better place to start than digging into his head, which is why I’ve played so much of the Marble Nest for this.

There are several specific stories/myths/historical figures that are mentioned through Marble Nest. First, we’ll go through some of these.

There is a very interesting conversation that The Bachelor has with Georgiy Kain, where he is trying to justify his decision to lift the quarantine restrictions to The Bachelor, who is rather upset obviously. I’ll cut down and paraphrase most of the dialogue, since if I didn’t this would be much longer, but basically the conversation goes as:

[Georgiy introduces himself, and says he decided to let The Bachelor sleep so that he would have the strength to face the upcoming trial] [Daniil asks if Georgiy lifted the restrictions and let the plague into The Stone Yard] Georgiy: “Quite so. It's plain to me that you are on the verge of shredding me into pieces. But still your wrath. As a great Athenian once said, ‘Strike, if you will, but hear.’” Daniil: “Themistocles, I know. He met a rather gruesome end, by the way. Died of plague.” Georgiy: “No, it was Pericles. You are a learned man, but history is not your strong suit. Which is why you should listen to me. Perhaps it will help you see something that you missed in your previous studies.” [Georgiy then goes on to explain a bunch of other stuff about the plague, which as far as I’m concerned isn’t all that useful to the task at hand.]

I find this so interesting because The Bachelor, in his own head, poses a question to himself, gets it wrong, and then has another separate figment of his imagination correct him, and then proceeds to tell The Bachelor that he’s not great at history and should listen to Georgiy more. What’s even more interesting is that, as far as I can tell, Georgiy and Daniil are both wrong, it was actually Themistocles that said “Strike, if you will, but hear,” and it was Pericles that died of plague. I found this interesting enough to look into who Themistocles and Pericles were, and here’s what I found:

Themistocles was a politician and general that broke the mold by being non-aristocratic and populist, which gave him the support of the people but put him at odds with the nobles and some of his peers. He turned 30 in 494 BC, which qualified him to run for the position of Archon, which he did, and won the position the following year. He had a prominent rivalry with another politician named Aristides. Whereas Themistocles was populist, Aristides primarily fought for the upper class. Themistocles eventually 20the rivalry after Aristides was exiled. Years later, though, Themistocles himself was exiled, and while he was gone his enemies took the opportunity to charge him with treasonous activities, knowing he could not defend himself. Because of this, Themistocles could never return to Athens, and so found employment and a home among the people that he once fought against while serving Athens. Given military command once more, he was actually Themistocles who said “Strike, if you will, but hear,” and it was Pericles who died of plague. I found this interesting enough to look into who Themistocles and Pericles were, and here’s what I found: Pericles, to me, has less interesting things about him in relation to Pathologic, with the main two being that he rehabilitated the image of Themistocles and he died of a plague. What could be interesting is the fact that General Block and Captain Longin are in both Pathologic 1 and 2 often compared to Achilles and Patroclus, two Greek soldiers from ancient folktales, primarily known for being two of the most important characters in The Iliad. To me, drawing a connection between Achilles and Block, as well as Pericles and Longin, isn’t that absurd. What could also be interesting to note is that Pericles was the main character in a play written in part by William Shakespeare. While Themistocles' life almost exactly fits the character arc of General Block, down to the weird connection between him dying of the plague in The Marble Nest and Themistocles drinking bull blood (as well as Dankovsky thinking Themistocles died of the plague), I think how Pericles fits in could lie in the Shakespearean play, as we all know how important theater is to Pathologic. You see by now at least partially what I think this alludes to, but I’ll talk more about it in the additional notes section.

Next, I’ll discuss a mythical story brought up in the Marble Nest: The Tower of Babel. This is brought up by the clerks sitting directly outside Georgiy Kain’s house. I think most people would talk to these guys right before talking to Georgiy, but I have more to say about it so it’s written second. When talking to one of the clerks during their argument about the plague, one man mentions that he thinks The Polyhedron is at fault, and no matter how Dankovsky replies (he has 3 options), the man then says “History already knows an example of people trying to erect an impossible tower. It ended in tragedy.” I could go on explaining why I believe this guy is talking specifically about the Tower of Babel, this post is already long enough so just trust my reasoning here, please. Notable to the point I’m trying to make, one of the other clerks brings up that he thinks the plague was started because of the irreconcilable differences between The Kin and the town, and the fact that the Kin have been forcibly mashed into the town. When Dankovsky asks the man if something is holding the Kin in the town, preventing them from leaving and returning to the earth, the man says “Someone is… our rulers. They have embedded the steppe people into this town, carved them into its warm flesh. This isn't a town, it's an honest-to-God minotaur. A chimera. And chimeras have remarkably short lifespans and bad health. Can you breed a snake and a crane? You can, yes. But the progeny won't live long.” This dialogue is interesting for a few reasons, one related to the tower of Babel and two related to other possible ARG clues. The first interesting thing is that what he’s describing, drawing a connection between the Tower of Babel and the Polyhedron, actually makes a lot of sense. To him, the Polyhedron is not only an affront to God, but its accentuation of human hubris coincides with a beating down of nature and the earth, represented in part by most of the Polyhedron’s mass being concentrated far above the earth while also piercing the earth’s heart. The story of the mythical tower, to oversimplify it, is essentially a tale of people from many different walks of life all coming together to construct a giant, seemingly impossibly tall tower in order to avoid the possibility of a second biblical flood destroying most of humanity. God sees this attempt as an affront to both him and the natural order, and so before the men are able to finish the tower he divides them all by making them speak different languages, making it impossible for them to understand each other. So, in this second clerk’s interpretation, the plague is a result of the town both rebelling against/abusing nature and also taking the Kin into itself. Unlike the first man, who believes the tower itself is at fault, this second one believes it’s all because of the town making itself into a “chimera,” which he believes cannot live long. What’s clear to me, though, is that although these men believe they disagree, their explanations complement each other very well, which brings us to our third man, who has a rather simple but somewhat confusing explanation. This clerk believes that this plague occurred in the town because men should not be “remodeled or altered,” and when asked what that has to do with the epidemic he replies “I don’t know… It wasn't we who designed the world like this. I believe in men, Doctor; in superhumans, I do not. This earthly life wouldn't fit them. Immortals have no place in the world of the living. This is just how it works. Take from it what you will.” This man seems to be implying that Simon Kain, the immortal man, is the reason why this plague appeared in the town. This is when it all started to come together for me: these men's stories do really all complement each other, because here they are posing the Polyhedron, chimera, and Simon as all the same. This will further be explained in the additional notes section. Three parts of one whole if you will.

Now, the mention of the Tower of Babel is interesting for two other reasons, one of which will be discussed in the additional notes section and one of which I’ll discuss here. In the Fyodor Vitin “One can work here” post there are numerous items displayed in the room pictured, but perhaps most interesting to me is the golden bull statue that sits at the front and center of the photo. My first thought when seeing that image was “Oh! This reminds me of the biblical story of the golden calf statue, which I bet is what they’re referencing.” For those who aren’t familiar, I’ll be oversimplifying another biblical story now. While trekking from Egypt to the holy land, Moses leaves his people behind to climb to the top of a mountain and commune with God. Moses is gone for forty days, upon which the people are fearful that he will not return, and so they molded a calf statue out of gold to worship. God, upon seeing this, sends Moses down to the base of the mountain to punish his people for their sins. Moses burns the golden calf in a fire, ground it to powder and water, and forced his people to drink it. He then killed all of them basically. My thought process was related to the fact that The Bachelor is punished severely by The Powers That Be for his own affront to God, the pursuit of immortality. Now, after that previous discussion about the Tower of Babel, I am noticing some very interesting things in this picture, and primarily that there are two other related statues. Now that we have the previous context about The Tower of Babel and the clerks in our mind, we can see new meaning in these statues: a black statue of a centaur, and a white bust of a man. The interesting thing about the centaur should be obvious, it is another chimera. The bust of the man, which seems to be made of marble, reminded me somewhat of ancient Greek statues that are chiseled to glorify certain leaders and make them seem somewhat perfect while also immortalizing them in stone. You can probably see the connection I’m making here, and so I will leave the rest of the explanation for the additional notes section.

Another thing that's interesting to note is the aforementioned three men, unlike most characters in Pathologic 2 and the Marble Nest, do not stop moving when you pause the game; their animations continue to play even after you bring up the pause menu. If you’re unaware, there is actually a small detail in Pathologic 2 where pretty much everything nature-based or that is a natural force of the world, as well as everything that’s supposed to be seen in a meta-narrative sense, does not stop moving when you pause the game. This includes rain, leaves falling, the particle effects that come off the clocks, fire, executors (not orderlies), plague particles, etc. Once I noticed this (while trying to get a screenshot of some things to analyze) I tested out some other NPCs in The Marble Nest, and all of the other people I tested seemed to freeze when the game was paused. However, this is not to say that no other characters in the Marble Nest move when the game is paused. I only tested about 4 guys besides the primary trio we're discussing, mostly just to make sure it's not a thing that all Marble Nest characters do. If one of you people reading this would like to go through and see which characters in The Marble Nest also possess this trait, it could prove fascinating.

Finally, I’ll talk about two somewhat modern (at least modern compared to the previous two) stories that are brought up in The Marble Nest, although not directly: The Time Machine by H.G. Wells and The Masque of the Red Death by Edgar Allan Poe. Admittedly, I have not read either of these stories (it’s possible I read the EAP story 5-6 years ago and just don’t remember it), but I do actually know quite a bit about the stories and their themes from a couple of literary studies on specific genres I’ve done over the years. Additionally, for this section, I have done some more research on the plots and themes of these stories which yielded fascinating results.

The Time Machine is brought up when The Bachelor visits The Cathedral and speaks to a Tragedian standing within. The Tragedian talks about how the building is not a temple, but a machine. Daniil asks what kind of machine, and The Tragedian responds “This is a time machine. Time works differently on the inside and on the outside. It's frozen now. I think something's broken.” To which Dankovsky can say “A time machine? Are you saying it can transport me to the past or to the future? Like in that Englishman's book, what's his name…” For this, I did some research into what book he could be referring to, and almost instantly Time Machine stood out to me for a number of reasons. I think there might be something interesting to be said about how this relates to the ARG, but I’m not going to be the one to say it, because I’m honestly not sure how or if it does. I will describe how it connects to Pathologic though, in case that sparks anyones mind. The work is apparently seen as popularizing the idea of time travel and the time machine, which relates to what IPL has said about The Bachelor’s route I suppose. As for the plot, it’s about a Victorian man using a time machine to travel to the year of A.D. 802,701. He meets two races of people, one descended from the oppressed working class and one descended from the pampered owning class. Over hundreds of thousands of years of this lifestyle, the two races have started to diverge, with the owning class becoming child-like and basically useless, while the working class has been forced into a life of toil and hardship which has shaped them into a race of underground-dwelling animalistic race of people. Essentially the novel is a depiction of class struggle and the class contradictions inherent within capitalism, but with a bit of a metaphorical twist. The toiling of the working class underground is what allows the upper class to live in abundance without the need for work. There is very interesting commentary here to be made on the worms/odonghs in the game, as well as the eternal youth that is present in some elements of the stone yard, but this isn’t a Pathologic essay, it’s a Pathologic ARG essay.

The Masque of the Red Death is alluded to by The Bachelor in a dialogue with a wandering citizen, who opens up the conversation by saying “A masquerade ball will be held in the main square this evening. People want to celebrate our victory over the sand pest. You don't mind…?” To which The Bachelor has 3 possible replies, one of them being “I seem to vaguely remember a rather famous story about a masquerade held to celebrate a victory over a plague. Remember how it ended?” To summarize, The Masque of the Red Death is about a group of noblemen taking refuge in an abbey to hide from a plague (the plague is known as the Red Death). The plague’s symptoms are gruesome, and all people who contract it apparently die within a half hour. The main character, Prince Prospero, and his fellow noblemen believe themselves to be entirely safe, though, as they have welded shut all the doors and isolated themselves in the abbey. To entertain the guests, the prince holds a masquerade ball that takes place in seven of the rooms of his abbey, each colored differently. The first six rooms are blue, purple, green, orange, white, and violet, with the last being black and illuminated by a red window. No guests venture into the seventh room, as they are all scared to enter it. Every hour a clock in that room chimes, upon which the guests freeze and go silent momentarily, before resuming normal activity once the chiming stops, only to do the same thing after an hour. Once midnight comes, a person appears in robes covered in blood and resembling a funeral shroud, wearing a mask that depicts a person clearly infected with the Red Death. This figure walks through six of the chambers before the prince starts chasing them with a dagger. Confronting them in the seventh room, the prince immediately falls dead upon seeing this person’s face. The other party-goers all charge the figure, stripping them of their clothes and mask, only to find that there is no one underneath. The conclusion of the story states that the figure was not a person, but rather an embodiment of the Red Death. The Red Death also appears as a reference in the novel The Phantom of the Opera, as well as several film and musical adaptations. The titular phantom dresses up as The Red Death, and in many adaptations wears a skull mask as part of the costume.

I believe Hamlet is also brought up at some point in The Marble Nest, but I can’t seem to find the dialogue so I’m unsure if that’s true.

Next, I'll talk about another random Marble Nest clue

The Bachelor’s hover text for the beetle item says “I used to collect these as a kid. Left the collection with my father.” @pseudoquiddity found that a paper on the top of “The Beginning” Fyodor Vitin post spells out Mechnikov, which is almost definitely referencing Ilya Ilyich Mechnikov, who was a Russian zoologist and immunologist who achieved incredible scientific discovery during his life, and notably for us he was largely focused on the issue of aging and extending human life. Mechnikov was actually brought up in an IPL teletype post as one of the Bachelor’s main influences scientifically, alongside Albert Einstein and Max Planck. The relevant thing about Mechnikov here is that, as a zoologist, he did many notable studies on insects throughout his career to see how their bodies reacted to things compared to how ours did. One thing that’s interesting to me is that the type of beetles we see in the game, I believe, are based on Trypocopris Vernalis, commonly known as the spring dumbledor or spring dor beetle, which is not known to inhibit the region that the Town on Gorkhon would reside in. Another thing I find interesting is the touch text from the Alpha version of the game, which reads “Some fifteen years ago, the Soul-and-a-Halves, the gang of children who are defined by sharing special bonds with their pets, actually considered to allow flower chafers as their "Halves" due to the beetles ‘looking as though they knew something’. The idea was quickly abandoned as ridiculous.” Maybe I’m just 8.6 thousand words into this post and have finally gone insane, but I think the beetles “looking as though they know something”, combined with their close connection to Dankovsky, it seems too intentional.

In the “Feverish Feelings” ARG, the Beatles (the band) were brought up indirectly and used by the players as a clue to get more information. This also related to the clue relating to the Gospel according to John. Additionally, speaking of Mechnikov, u/Fantastic_Advice5593 theorized that the numbers on Daniil’s train ticket from one of the original ARG notes could be hinting toward the date May 15th, or 5/15 (15/5 if you use the non-American dating system I believe), which is Mechnikov Day, and is commonly recognized as Mechnikov’s date of birth. Proving this connection further, the “Messages” Fyodor Vitin post was posted on May 15th. Another interesting thing is that if we convert the time that the “Messages” image was posted to the time scheme used in Pathologic (that is, a 24-hour clock), it comes out to 19:35 (Using GMT+3 time zone, as that’s where Moscow is located.) This is interesting because “Messages” was also posted 19 days after the previous post, and I know for a fact that 19 is an important number in this ARG: The newspaper from the “The Accident” post was labeled as issue number 19, the bible passage that we saw referenced in the anagram from the “Messages” post is John 19:19, the jumble of letters that we found in the touch text for the unused lantern item includes “19,” and so does the 196-17-1 number from Messages. In a way, the number 19 is sort of a self-checking method to substantiate some of the clues we’ve found thus far.

Griffins’ Tower

Many of the details in this section wouldn’t be possible without @kurury-chan who, upon my inquiry about the tower and its accompanying pharmacy, actually visited it, got tons of cool pictures, and translated a ton of the history for me! I literally cannot thank her enough for her help with many elements of this post, but especially in this section. In the original Pathologic ARG, “Feverish Feelings,” the Griffins’ Tower is brought up a couple of times throughout, and was part of an intensive fandom discussion because many elements of it paralleled many themes and plot points of Pathologic. The following connections/possibly related facts are a combination of fandom discussion from the time and my own research:

The tower is connected to a pharmacy that has existed since the 18th century. Both were once owned by the Poehl family, who were a rather eccentric yet somewhat mysterious rich family. Rumors from the time (The 18th/19th century) speculate that members of the family engaged in “…alchemy and witchcraft, and in the basements of the house he turned mercury into gold and bred griffins. Since ancient times, it was believed that griffins, mythical creatures with the body of a lion and the head of an eagle, were the guardians to secret sacred knowledge and treasures.”

In 1994, the artist Alexey Kostroma, together with the society "Here and There" (Tut i tam), organized a demonstration/art-piece to advocate for the preservation of the tower and the revitalization of the city, which they believed was falling apart before their very eyes. During this demonstration, they hoisted a large egg (approximately 1.5 meters) onto the top of the tower, and they painted (I’m not sure what was used to put the numbers on the tower, but I assume it was paint) numbers on almost every brick of the tower. While the purposes for the those two additions rarely get brought up in conversations surrounding it, the egg and the numbers are now some of the most well-known parts of the tower, despite the fact that neither of the two are there anymore. The Polyhedron, as we know, is a tower that at the top houses children and is made from its own complex blueprints. Additionally, in the Marble Nest, but also throughout Pathologic as a whole, there is a common piece of imagery that connects eggs and the Utopians. In the opening of The Marble Nest, the item that’s used on the loading screen is an egg. If you look at the egg sprite in P2, you’ll see a crack in it that heavily resembles the Polyhedron. Daniil Dankovsky commonly uses the Latin phrase “ab ovo,” which means “from the beginning” but when literally translated means “from the egg,” and his touch text for the egg in Marble Nest reads “To understand anything, start ab ovo — ‘from the egg.’”

While playing through The Marble Nest several times for this ARG, I noticed something that gave me more confidence in The Griffins’ Tower playing a role in it. If you guys have played Pathologic as much as I have you’ll know there’s a tower in between the Stone Yard and the steppe that you can’t enter and is barely ever really explained. If I’m picking apart my brain correctly for Pathologic 1 knowledge, I believe it is implied to be a Focus of some sort. If you’ve only played Pathologic 2, or you haven’t played through The Bachelor’s route in P1 enough, or you haven’t read through the Pathologic “Corpus” entries, you probably have an incomplete idea of what a “focus” is and all that it entails. I won’t go too deep into it now, but it’s said in one of the Corpus entries that, on top of the Polyhedron, Cathedral, Stillwater, Crucible, etc., there were a number of experimental Focuses that were built for Simon Kain to test the limits of what buildings could capture the human soul and memories. It’s a building you can’t ever enter, but it does have a visible door, which is very similar to the way that Simon’s focus is described by Victor Kain. I’d like to draw your attention to the visual similarities between that tower and the Griffin Tower. I’d also like to draw your attention to the fact that, in the original design concepts of Pathologic 1 every character is associated with a specific animal, and Simon Kain’s is a griffin. What is a griffin? Well, it’s a fusion between two drastically different creatures, a lion and an eagle; a griffin is a chimera.

Interestingly, in 2005 (the year Pathologic came out) the pharmacy connected to The Griffins Tower was closed for a while because it became flooded with water while trying to extinguish a fire.

There is a photo in the pharmacy connected to the tower (which has now been converted into a museum about the history of the place and pharmacies in general) that depicts, during the early 1900s, the pharmacy sitting next to a theater called “Simpatiya” (Sympathy).

While @kurury-chan was on a tour of the pharmacy/museum she found an interesting marmite that was on display. It was created by Samuel Clarke and it’s called “Pyramid,” and the marmite has an accompanying poem: Когда ночи темные, подумайте о Кларке, который попал точно в цель. Его ночные огни создают светлые ночи, в которых вы прекрасно видите. (When the nights are dark, think of Clark hitting the mark. His night lights create bright nights in which you can see perfectly) This is interesting largely because the poem reminds me somewhat of the body text for the lantern ad found in the newspaper post.

In the original email mentioning the Griffin’s Tower, Voronika Kroy appends the message by saying “P.S. I feel like I’ll need this memory later.”

Seventh Seal

I watched this movie after discovering all of the allusions to General Block we’ve seen thus far, but being unsure what to do with any of them. For those that don’t know, the movie The Seventh Seal’s protagonist Octavius Block has been listed as one of the main inspirations for Alexander Block, and since IPL seems intent on leading us to analyze certain works of literature/film/theater for this, I decided to look into it. What I found is incredibly interesting I think, because it seems that one of the main inspirations for The Marble Nest is The Seventh Seal.

The title is based on a bible verse (from the Book of Revelations) that reads “And when the Lamb had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour.” This verse appears both at the very beginning of the movie and then again toward the end. This thirty minutes/half-an-hour element appears prominently in both this story and The Masque of the Red Death. One other place it appears is on the pocket watch in the first Fyodor Vitin post, where the time on it is 2:30. I am very confident that it also appears in The Marble Nest once or twice, but despite looking I was unable to find it. If anyone else knows where it might be, either comment on this post or message me, and I will put it in this section and credit you.

The movie's plot revolves around Antonius Block, a disillusioned medieval knight returning from the Crusades. Block is struggling throughout the movie with his inability to believe in God and his realization that his whole life has been wasted. He wishes more than anything to do one last deed before his death to give his life meaning. The movie is set during the Black Death, with prominent elements of the story revolving around the plague. The movie largely focuses on how Block takes in several poor and out-of-luck folks fleeing the plague, inviting them to stay at his castle and escorting them along the way.

Toward the beginning of the movie, Death comes to take Block, but he convinces Death to play him in a game of chess for his life. This game of chess continues throughout the movie, with Death allowing Block to take several breaks in order to find clarity about his life and death. Toward the end of the movie, he allows Death to take his queen, effectively ensuring he would lose the game in the next turn, so that his companions could get away without Death noticing. After returning to his castle, everyone has a nice meal before Death arrives and takes everyone, excluding the people that Block helped get away by tricking Death.

Many things from Pathologic seem to take inspiration from this movie; most notable being the storyline of The Marble Nest (Dankovsky’s “People” screen categorizes people as chess pieces, essentially implying that his struggle against death is a sort of chess match), but there are also some smaller things. For example, there is a scene where the characters encounter someone afflicted with the plague who cries out for help, and one of the women tries to get closer to give the man water, but another person stops her, as giving water to a plague victim is futile and dangerous; almost immediately after this, a personification of Death appears. This heavily reminds me of the intro/tutorial of Pathologic 2, where a similar scene occurs.

While watching the movie, it’s very easy to see how Block was directly inspired by the main character, but it’s hard to convey exactly how without describing many scenes in detail, so I will simply describe one of them. After leaving a church confessional where he admits to his faith faltering and wanting to perform one meaningful deed before he dies, Block encounters a young woman who’s about to be burned at the stake for allegedly having ties to the devil. He takes pity on this woman, seeing something special in her, and believes she can tell him about life after death. This, to me, seems very reminiscent of Block’s storyline with the Changeling in P1.

Another small lead before this part of the post is finished: This lead, I will admit, I stumbled across completely at random, and will not talk about much because there’s not much I can say about it that isn’t obvious. It might be worth looking into the Russian philosopher Nikolai Fyodorovich Fyodorov, and perhaps thinking about if Fyodor Vitin was based partially on him, since we know Vitin works closely with Daniil.

Additional Notes/Comments:

In the newspaper clipping, it is said that a man with the initials “F.L.” had been one of the apparent two victims of the fire that burned down several buildings. This man (who I’ll simply refer to as “F” from now on) is an academician, historian, and writer of everyday life, which obviously fits well with the man that we know as Fyodor Vitin, and it has been assumed up until this point that he was the victim of this fire. I think there are three possibilities here: Fyodor Vitin was not the victim of this fire somehow, Fyodor Vitin is not his real name, or the newspaper is lying to us. In connection to the light/lantern emphasis in the newspaper, it might be worth it to note that the word “vitin” in Faroese means something like “the lighthouse”/“the beacon”, while in old Swedish it means something like “to know.” What’s more interesting is that Vitin in old Swedish is a second-person plural present indicative, and for people that got a useful education, that means it’s a verb that’s used to factually describe the current actions of the people that the speaker is saying it to. If Vitin isn’t his real surname, his username could mean “Fyodor beacon”, or “Fyodor (that you all) know”.

As discussed extensively in the section on the Tower of Babel, there is a direct connection drawn between the Polyhedron, Simon, and chimeras. We elaborated a bit on this connection in the section on the Griffins’ Tower. What’s especially interesting then is the fact that, in The Marble Nest, the Polyhedron is labeled as “focus,” implying that Simon’s essence is infused in the Polyhedron, as is what happens in the first game. This, I believe, confirms our theory about the connection even further. What then makes this even more related to the ARG is the fact that in the “One can work here” post by Fyodor Vitin, we see the three statues depicting the golden bull, the centaur, and the marble bust of a man. It is then worth noting that this bust of a man made of marble could be a reference to The Marble Nest, perhaps trying to get us to look there for clues. I believe, if the golden bull is meant to represent the Polyhedron (or at least the Polyhedron argument in The Marble Nest), and the centaur is meant to represent the chimera, then the marble bust of the man is meant to represent Simon (or, once again, represent the Simon/immortal man argument from the Marble Nest). This is supported by my point about the marble busts both immortalizing men and also making them more into concepts than men (as the statue can only depict a small part of a man’s life, usually depicting him in battle, leading a governmental position, etc). In the original game, and as can slightly be seen in hints of the second game, Simon is sometimes seen as more of a concept than a man; he is the ideology of the utopians incarnate, the perfect man that represents everything humanity could be. As a chimera is vital to Burakh’s quest, so too is it vital for Dankovsky’s (and it’s interesting to note that Burakh has the chimera revelation while in conversation with Dankovsky.) If the Marble Nest is used to represent the stone yard, or the “town” in its purest form, then Simon Kain is the marble man. It then becomes important to figure out where the “One can work here” picture is supposed to be depicting. I believe, if the statues there are supposed to represent all that we’ve said so far, the location should be representative of Dankovsky’s fight against death, and therefore I say it probably has to be Thanatica.

Now, as for all the connections with General Block, there are obviously many of them, from the Guglielmo Pepe hypothesis to the mention of Aristides/Pericles to The Seventh Seal to the whole “ash” thing, it seems far too much to be a series of coincidences. I don’t think it’s too crazy to connect the prominent appearance of the number 30 in the Block/Pepe/Aristides context to the prominent appearance of the number 30 (as in half an hour) in The Seventh Seal, which makes the appearance of the number 30 in that first Fyodor Vitin post even more interesting. It’s long been theorized that, from what we see in the Haruspex’s route and what we’ve seen in Pathologic 1, the Bachelor’s new route will probably feature General Block much more prominently. Perhaps, as the first ARG was so focused on the inquisitors, we’ll also get to learn more about the army in this one. Maybe General Ashes even had something to do with the building that was reduced to ashes?

The topic of religion, and specifically Christianity, comes up a lot in The Marble Nest. I think all the connections I’ve made in this post to Christianity have convinced you that it’s seemingly an important part of this ARG. In the first ARG, there were certain biblical passages that acted as clues, specifically from the Gospel according to John, which we talked about in the section on the “Messages” post. As is also mentioned in that section, the connection to Inquisitors Peter Kroy and Mark Karminsky seems to be driving us toward looking into The Gospel according to Peter and The Gospel according to Mark. It’s also talked about in that section how these both relate to Daniil. Mark Karminsky specifically also seems to have had something to do with the "Accident" mentioned in the newspaper, and so perhaps combining numbers from the newspaper within the Gospel of Mark could lead to some clues.

Still, as much as I’ve said in this post, there is more I wish to analyze but have not yet. This post has been in the works for a while, though, and I don’t want people to be waiting any longer, so I’ll have to save that other stuff for another day.

If anyone can somehow get into the game files of the Marble Nest and retrieve the texture/model for any of the letters or books (like the two linked images), that will end up being very helpful.

Other screenshots from Pathologic 2/The Marble Nest that could be of interest:

Grigory Gorky (Pathologic 2) Grigory Gorky (The Marble Nest) Mikhail Goba (The Marble Nest) Daniil Death Certificate (The Marble Nest) Rug (The Marble Nest) Book (The Marble Nest) Familiar Bloody Handprint (The Marble Nest) Tipped Over Lantern (The Marble Nest) Staff Sergeant Plover (The Marble Nest) Avrely Gubar (The Marble Nest) Odd use of Roman Numerals (The Marble Nest) Cathedral Letter (The Marble Nest) Plant that I found several times in the Cathedral (The Marble Nest)

[zzencat]

Paid Readings Info!! - zzencat

Confidential + Personal + Raw + Clarification

Feedback 1 —————— Feedback 2

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-> Last updated: September 24, 2024 PST

Hey guys!! This is everything you need to know for personal paid readings. Why pay? You will help in supporting me in my daily life and I hope to support you in yours with guidance. - Teddy :)

• My readings are sent through email or Tumblr DM, and are in the form of Google docs.

• Regular paid readings take 1-7 days maximum to complete upon payment. For Packages, please allow up to 7-8 days max. I will be transparent with you about how much time and how much I’ve finished for any reading.

1) First and foremost, you HAVE to be a follower of my blog and you have to have seen my readings before.

Why? Because I need you to be familiar with how I do my readings—which include of bullet points, hella commentary and extra notes from the Teddy + spirit team pov (which can be funny, helpful, or both), some slang, cursing, and letting my spirit team ramble. A lot of the info is blunt and very no bullshit. (Bear w/ me; I got the Queen of Swords on my spirit team lmfao 😂) My readings could get a bit long, thorough, and maybe overly detailed, varying from the info I receive. My body serves as a host for my Spirit guides, and connecting with Spirits :)

Make sure you read through my Quick Starters Post (it’s pretty short n simple). Keep in mind that tarot readings are a tool for clarity, and not an all seeing eye. Everything is susceptible to change. Time is fluid, and nothing is fixed. The readings are based on your energy now.

***When to request? You can request at any time. (I’m in the PST timezone so if I don’t respond to you, that’s because I’m sleeping or doing summer hw. I always respond within 24 hours tho!)

Where + How?: You can dm me on Tumblr or email me ( teddiebearrr69@gmail.com), and state the reading number that you’d like. Your reading will be received in 5 days or less. and I’ll send you the PayPal link where the money will go through. You will choose 3 photos out of a pile of 9 (that I have chosen for you.) The decks I use: Tarot of Sexual Magic, RWS (circular edition), and Deviant Moon! Oracle cards will be pulled if I need more info or further clarification.

***ALSO IMPORTANT, if you’d like me to do readings for you, please leave your door or window open at any point of our session (for at least a couple of hours.) You may close when you’ve received your reading. This helps me connect with your Spirit team better :)

Readings I do are belowowowow👇

————————————————————

• • • • • Readings (for now) • • • • •

Reading #1 (and also my most requested reading):

(*For Singles*) Future Spouse (with optional brief 18+ section) | $8 USD

Note: This is different from final spouse bc I can’t say whether you will or won’t face divorce/separation 😅). However, I can give you a vibe of where it’s headed. (Prepare yourself!!)

HEAVY DISCLAIMER: We will take a look into your past and your future lover’s past to see if there should be any trauma to be worked on. This means we will potentially cross very private and vulnerable information on both yours and your lover’s side.

↳ We will cover:

• their current energy now—if you met now vs when you meet later.

• positive and negative aspects of this person/relationship, and how this can develop (pos or neg.) over time (with examples. Like I said, these readings will be similar to the ones I have posted but a lot more in depth and personalized.)

• rockiness and toxicity within the relationship; what to expect while dating; how you both can help improve the relationship; a look into their past selves (relationship, hardships, IF THEY ALLOW THIS INFO TO BE TOLD, but I will try to reason with them.)

• things they need to work on before and after meeting you + what you can do to prepare for this person coming in

• how will you recognize them + how they will recognize you

• their possible occupations at the moment and later — basically where they’re at in life ( + emotionally)

• overall advice for both you + future spouse

🔓 $2.44 USD to unlock: a brief, general overview of sexual relationship + potential kinks. there will be a small deal of vulgar language and graphic descriptions. BUT the 18+ section here is not as detailed as #2.

***PLEASE KEEP IN MIND !!!!! that I will give you “warnings” here and there, and will be transparent if their inner child or spirit guides do not want me discussing some issues/does not want me going in depth.

This is how you’ll get an idea or hint on what they might be secretive about, and personally, this isn’t a good sign, especially if they’re likely to hide mistakes. I would advise you pay attention to these *cryptic* areas, because those are where the bigger problems are at. Yes, some are insecure about it, but that just means they have some work to do. The more open they are about their past, the better. It shows maturity and a desire for growth, and that they won’t hide if they’ve messed up somewhere. That’s a good sign to me.

———————/////—————/////——————

Reading #2:

(18+) What does your sexual relationship say about your overall relationship? - Next Partner/Final Spouse | $7 USD

↳ We will uncover:

• Your person’s 18+ thoughts/fantasies from your first meeting/impression to developing friendship to newly dating stage.

• What will lead to your first time with them, feelings + emotions on their side, what will happen during the act?

• Their feelings/overall sex life mood when you’re both comfortable with each other (including yours!) Stagnancy? Contentment? Needs more spice? Sexual conflicts?

• Their kinks!!! Graphic imagery and descriptions, but not at a smut novel level haha (maybe tho…depends on the cards and context)

• Fears and how to improve the relationship, where it could go wrong

• Honestly this reading could get suuuper thorough real quick- hopefully your partner gives me permission to pry heheh 🙂‍↕️

———————/////—————/////——————

Reading #3:

(18+) What Your Sexual Energy Says About Your Past + How To Achieve Peace in Your Life | $7.44 USD

↳ We will uncover:

Intrusive-ish reading to an extent. It shouldn’t be too bad (I hope...) But there’s no need to be embarrassed! (I used to write smut lmfao)

This is where I will do a regular card reading for you to see where you are, mainly relying on my Sexual Magic deck (which is cleansed before each reading.)

• your desires/hidden fantasies (now + possibly future) and potentially why you have them

This reading lets us know where you are in your life, what blockages or concerns your subconscious is facing and how this affects your daily life and even future.

Note: I personally like doing sexual readings and they come out very accurately since my sacral chakra and sensuality is so essential to me as…well, me hahaha. My highest good keeps me in high sexual energy, which is probably why I connect to the Tarot of Sexual Magic deck so well :)

———————/////—————/////——————

Reading #4:

“I’m Still Feeling Stuck. Where Did This Come From? What can I do about it?” (95% Trauma based.) | $6 USD

↳ We will uncover:

If you‘ve seen my reading on stagnancy or reading on little things to uplift your life, this will be pretty the same BUT more in depth and in accordance to your energy. It’ll be personalized to you 🤗

advice!!

I think the messages do need to be taken seriously so if you learn a bit about yourself in this reading, I’d be seriously happy.

———————/////—————/////——————

Reading #5:

Wtf happened in my past life? What did I do to deserve this? Can I still turn things around? / Past Life Reading | $7 USD

↳ We will uncover:

One of my favorite concepts ever. We all wonder where we went wrong to go through such hurt in this life. Wtf exactly happened? You and I will unlock what and who you possible were, your occupation(s), family life/relationships, conflicts, romantic relationship(s), potential betrayals, life lessons your soul carried from that life to this one. This can also be read as just a past life reading!!

Approx. 10-12 questions asked about past life during reading

What can you learn from? What can you let go and move on?

Or perhaps…this is your first life? What lessons do you need to learn in this life?

———————/////—————/////——————

Reading #6:

A question and some advice (can get pretty deep depending on the person.) | $3 USD/per question. You can ask any question of your choice (read “no questions about” for more info), as many questions as you’d like, but each question is $3 USD., relating to a specific situation or different things.

❌ No questions about: if you and [celebrity] will date 😂😂, altho you can ask about what your compatibility would be! Singular future spouse, warning, or what to look forward to, 18+ questions in your current/future relationship are welcome. No death-related or specific physical + mental illness/disease questions please.

Feel free to reach out for further questions or details, or if you’re confusion as to what you can or can’t ask! And please don’t feel embarrassed (I’ve seen it all fam ✋🥲)

One of my readers,🫀(on feedback), has become a regular and a friend of mine!! She’s asked if it was okay to do an anime character relationship compatibility between her and said character with her personal list of prompts/questions!! Pricing varies based on how many questions there are. | $3 USD / question

———————/////—————/////——————

Reading #7:

Warnings in the near future based on your current energy? (within 3 months to a year from now) - $4.44 USD

↳ We will uncover:

• advice, how to see it when it comes, what to look forward to, what’s likely to happen?

+ $3.22 USD to unlock: Your prediction sounding kinda rough? How can I likely prevent it? Can I change it or do I need to go through this?

———————/////—————/////——————

Reading #8

“Okay, be honest. Does this person like me? Do I stand a chance with them? Are they the right person for me?” - $8 USD

↳ We will uncover:

• applies to situationships, potential partners, the person on your mind, secret admirers, unrequited love

• get ready for honesty right here babyyyy (if you buy this reading, ya gotta brace yourself. I’m telling you here and now and when you dm me as well!!)

• things they need to work on before they’re ready for commitment

• How will I know if they’re the one?

• red and green flags about your person

• personalized advice to you

+2 USD to unlock: How do they see me in general?

———————/////—————/////——————

Reading #9

(Single or Currently Seeing Romantically) Future Spouse’s Past Life!! - $7 USD

• Refer back to reading #5 about your past life!! Everything there is applied here but about your future spouse this time!

—————/////—————/////—————/////————

-> Introducing Packages! :

1) Cat-Sees-All Package - $26

↳ We will uncover:

• reading #1 - future spouse reading (optional brief 18+ section)

• reading #5 + #9 - past life reading on yourself

• overall advice

Disclaimer: these can get heavy realllllly quickly. My future spouse ones are usually extensive and deep anyway (especially since we look into more subconscious and past issues/trauma so I suggest you grab some popcorn. Maybe some tissues too if you need.

———————/////

2) LENZ Package - $24 (minors dni)

↳ We will uncover:

• dark, sensitive, mature and potentially triggering material

• this is pretty much a combination of readings #3 + #4, but we tap into your future spouse’s/lover’s sexual energy/preferences/lifestyle as well yours through kinks!!

• figuring out significant events in yours and their childhood and if trauma has played a role on your daily life and theirs; AND both yours + their individual feelings/energy/view towards and of sex (including deep rooted trauma)

• how sex preferences heal their inner child + how your sex preferences heal yours

• how do they seek this in daily, normal behavior and communication with others + how do you seek it? how does this seep into your daily lives?

• overall advice

🔓 + 2 USD to unlock: Will you be able to heal your wounds together through sex? What is it about you that attracts your partner, personality and sex-wise?

Disclaimer: this is also a really deep reading that includes psychological factors and sensitive topics, so if you’re an empath or are sensitive to this material in general, you might wanna take a couple breathers and come back. It can get pretty dark and negative as well, so I recommend that you don’t get to your reading until the end of the day or when you’re certain nothing can ruin your day.

——————///

3) Custom Package!!

• here, you’ll be able to create you own list of questions (within the boundaries ofc- rmr, nothing about death, illness, politics, etc.) | $3 per question

this is catered towards those who have very specific questions they want answered, anything they’re curious about that hasn’t been answered in the “we will uncover” section of the readings! This allows for modifications or adjustments to be made in order to create the best list of questions well suited for you 😎👍

Ex) 5 questions = $15 USD

7 q’s = $21 USD, etc., etc….

—————————————-

-more coming soon…brr brrr

**Constructive feedback is heavily encouraged so pls lemme know how it was for you, how it resonated, however many paragraphs you’d like. I’m happy to talk about it w you!! No judgment here.

- Teddy :)

[tragedynoir]

— TRAGEDYNOIR'S MILESTONE GIVEAWAY

We recently hit over 100 members in our server, and I'm so thankful for all your support in helping me reach this number so quickly! Every like, reblog and purchase has warmed my heart, and I read every lovely note you leave in your tags. Doc making has been a way for me to unwind and have fun, so I'm very grateful that so many of you love what comes out of it! I hope that you will continue to enjoy the releases I have in store.

As a token of my appreciation for helping me come this far, I wanted to give a little something in return!

— THE PRIZE

One lucky winner will be chosen at random for a free 4-page google doc template commission. I will be working closely with them to create a template tailored to their tastes for their personal use! This template will not be sold after, so it is exclusively theirs to use & keep.

— HOW TO ENTER

To earn entries for this raffle giveaway, you may do any of the following before July 31st 2023, 2359H, UTC-4 (EDT):

+ 1 entry for joining our discord with the member role

+ 1 entry for each reblog (must be following @tragedynoir)

you may reblog as many times as you want, but please do not spam reblog all at once. ensure that you space out your reblogs!

+ 2 entries for each unique post in the discord server of you using any one of my templates

If you've already done any of them before this giveaway, you automatically get entries for those! ;-)

I will be choosing the winner randomly via a randomizer and contacting them by Aug 15th 2023 either via a private ticket on the discord server or tumblr IMs. They will have 24 hours to respond, so please keep those communication channels open! If you have any questions at all about this giveaway, please reach out to me. Thank you once again for the support, and good luck ♡

[tj-is-down]

Squire Squabble (pt. 1) Podrick Payne x reader

So, I wrote this fic in 2022 and it's been sitting in my Google Docs ever since. Enjoy it! There's a Part Two that I'll probably post tomorrow.

Summary: Pod and Brienne meet one of Brienne's old acquaintances while traveling, and Pod does not get along with the man's squire.

Word count: ~2.1k

Warnings: Swearing, maybe? I can't remember. But I know that's really it. Also, most of my fics are gender neutral, but this one is written with a feminine reader in mind. Sorry!

Pod and Brienne sit in a tavern at nightfall. Pod is eating quickly and hungrily, having not eaten anything since the day prior. His fault, really, messing up the fire and forgetting to skin the rabbit and--well, it’s best not to get into it all. Brienne, he notices, isn’t eating, despite having eaten the same amount as he has in the last twenty-four hours, which is none.

“Are you not going to eat, my lady?” He asks, mouth full of food.

Brienne doesn’t answer, instead continuing to glare in the direction of another table behind Podrick. He goes to turn his head, but is stopped by Brienne.

“Don’t you dare,” she grunts, freezing him in motion.

He slowly turns back to face her. “What are you looking at?”

“Not what,” Brienne clarifies, “who. In this case, Ser Carac McLane of Tarth.”

Pod waits for her to continue, confused. “Who?”

“We grew up together,” Brienne says, “and he tormented me every day of my life. Everything I did, he had to be better. Learned to fight before me--because he’s a man, of course--and he’s never let me live it down. He thinks that age somehow triumphs over experience and skill--two things I have, and he doesn’t. He’s arrogant, ignorant, and classless. And that’s not the half of it.”

“How long has it been since you’ve last seen each other?” Pod asks, taking another bite. “Perhaps he’s changed, or--”

“People like him aren’t ones who change, Podrick,” Brienne interrupts. Her face suddenly drops. “Shit. He’s walking over. Stop eating, and sit up straight. Don’t give him any reason to critique you. Podrick, I said stop eating!”

How am I supposed to swallow this if I can’t chew? Pod thinks, yet he doesn’t have another second to resolve his issue before they are approached by Ser Carac, along with a younger individual about the same age as Pod.

Brienne stiffens, moving to stand up, but Ser Carac waves her off. “No need for formalities, Brienne of Tarth. We’re past that by now, don’t you think?”

“I suppose so, Ser Carac of Tarth,” Brienne responds. “This is my squire, Podrick Payne.” She gestures to Pod, who nods his head, mouth still full of food. Ser Carac nods in his direction, yet his companion doesn’t, instead choosing to half-smirk at him, seeing right through his facade. He glares back at them, trying to be as menacing as possible. He realizes, however, that it’s entirely useless, as he looks like a chipmunk with his mouth full of food.

“You’ve a squire now?” Ser Carac asks incredulously. “I never thought I’d see the day you reached such a high rank. This is Y/N, my squire.”

 “What brings you to this area?” Brienne asks. “I’d have thought you were retired, old as you are.”

“Might I remind you, I’m not much older than you,” Carac states.

“Your lack of hair could’ve fooled me,” Brienne replies. Podrick nearly spits out his food holding back a laugh. He’ll have to commend Brienne for that later.

Both Carac and Y/N look over at him, Y/N shooting daggers at him. Carac, however, seems to ignore it, instead turning back to Brienne.

“Well, as much as it was a pleasure seeing you, we must be off.”

“Don’t choke, Podrick,” Y/N says,harshly patting him on the back before turning to walk away. Pod starts coughing, the food getting stuck in his throat. He quickly gulps from his cup and turns back to glare at Y/N. They’re looking over their shoulder at him, half-smirking. 

Pod decides at this moment that he dislikes them. Immensely.

“Told you,” Brienne says.

* * *

Pod and Brienne are long beyond the tavern now, about a day’s journey out. The sun is concluding its descent, and the two have decided to stop for the night, when they see the faint orange glow of a fire coming through the trees.

“Should we see about that up there?” Pod asks.

“Well, seeing as you can’t start a fire for shit, there’s no harm in joining those who already have one going, is there?” Brienne replies.

Apparently there was harm in joining those who already have a fire, since those happened to be Ser Carac and Y/N, who seem to have just begun to make camp.

“Lady Brienne, what a surprise!” Ser Carac says, although he seems more annoyed than surprised. “I didn’t know you were going this way. We could have traveled together. Although, I know how much you enjoy your beauty sleep, despite its lack of effect. I, on the other hand, wake up with the sun.”

Brienne rolls her eyes, ignoring his comment. “Would you mind if we joined you, Ser Carac? I would hate to intrude.”

“Too late for that,” Carac mutters. “But since you’re here, please, join us.”

Pod and Brienne dismount their horses, tying them up to a couple of nearby trees. Y/N stares at them as they do so, eyes following their movements. “Lady Brienne,” they say, nodding their head. “Podrick,” they add, suddenly stone cold and straight faced.

He doesn’t reply, instead taking a seat across from them by the fire.

After an hour or so, Carac speaks up. “I’m getting tired. Y/N, Podrick, make up our tents, won’t you?”

The two nod, getting up to do as he says.

They walk a short ways away from the fire, making sure they’re within eyesight but far enough away that they’re hidden if anyone sees the fire from afar and comes to attack them. Now that night’s fallen, it’s too cold to be without fire, regardless of the dangers. Pod and Y/N work silently, a wordless agreement that despite their dislike for each other, putting the tents up together is much faster than doing it alone. They put the first two up effortlessly, but when it comes to the third, things all come crashing down--literally.

Pod pulls a piece of fabric from the pile at the same time as Y/N, who then attempts to take it away from him. He pulls it back towards himself and Y/N does the same, resulting in a competition tug-of-war. After a moment, they hear the sound of the fabric tearing, and sure enough, the cover is ripped in half.

“You ripped the tent,” Y/N shouts, angry and nervous at the same time. “And now I’m going to have to answer for it.”

“That’s because it’s your fault,” Pod retorts. “You pulled too hard on the cloth, not me.”

Y/N scoffs. “Are you joking? You’re the one who pulled too hard. And I don’t appreciate--”

Pod speaks up, interrupting. “Now, that is not true, and I don’t appreciate--”

Before long, the two are in a brawl, shouting over one another and shooting daggers with their eyes.

“What’s going on here?” Brienne says as she and Ser Carac approach the pair.

“Your squire ripped the tent,” Y/N and Pod say to Brienne and Carac at the same time. They glare at each other at the realization.

“We’ve lost a tent?” Brianne asks rhetorically. “Well, I’m not sleeping on the ground. Are you, Ser Carac?”

He shakes his head. “I am not.”

“Well, then. That settles it.”

“I’m not sleeping on the bare ground,” Y/N says, turning to Pod and crossing their arms. “Be a good squire, will you?”

“Absolutely not,” Pod laughs. “You’re the one who ripped the tent, you should be sleeping on the ground.”

“You can’t be serious, I--”

“Both of you, sleep in the tent,” Ser Carac interrupts. “Or you can both sleep on the ground.”

At the sight of their faces, Brienne smirks. “And we don’t want to hear another word from either of you about it. That’s an order, Podrick.”

“You too, Y/N,” Ser Carac adds. With that, the two disappear into their tents.

“Since when did those two get along?” Y/N mumbles, staring after them, while Pod starts gathering the leftover materials for the last tent. He gets a fair bit through before catching Y/N’s attention.

“What are you doing?” They whisper to him, careful not to get the attention of either Brienne or Carac.

“What does it look like? I’m making up the tent.”

Y/N shrugs. “Have fun. I’m sleeping out here.”

“No, you’re not. You heard them, Y/N. Either we both sleep out here or we both sleep in there. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather a roof over my head, however thin.”

“I don’t care what orders we have, Podrick. I’m not sharing a tent with you, and I’d rather lose my hand like Jaime Lannister than sleep next to you out here.”

“Lucky for you, that can be arranged,” Pod grumbles. “Now, I’m serious Y/N. Come on. I’m not getting in trouble because you’ve decided to be a spoiled princess about this.”

“A princess? Me? Please. If anyone here’s acting that way, it’s you. Why does it matter where I sleep?”

“Are you even listening to me?”

“No.”

Pod rolls his eyes before continuing. “We’ve been given orders, Y/N.” He grabs their arm and tries to pull them toward the tent. “Come on.”

Y/N pulls back. “No.”

“Y/N, please, I won’t do this all night--”

He pulls harder, but Y/N loses their footing and falls onto him, toppling into the tent.

For a minute Y/N is frozen on top of him, shocked at the quick change in position from standing up to laying down. They feel the warmth of his breath on their face, and his eyes flicker quickly to their mouth before meeting their eyes again.

“All right, Princess,” he says, slowly rolling Y/N off of him. “Off you go.”

“What did I tell you about that nickname?” They reply, exasperated.

“When are you going to realize that it doesn’t matter to me what you tell me?” He cocks an eyebrow. “You might think you’re royalty, but you aren’t. You’re a squire, just like me.”

“Believe me, I’m nothing like you.”

“Thank the gods. Now, go to sleep, will you? I’m tired.”

* * *

Pod is still awake a while later, though he’s not sure how much time has passed. Y/N shakes and stirs, clearly attempting to not make a sound. They are unsuccessful.

“You’re keeping me up,” Pod says monotonously. “Go to bed.”

“I’m cold,” they say, and Pod hears them turning to the other direction. The two are facing outward, away from each other, about a foot apart. There isn’t much space for anything more than that, since the tent is so small. The temperature has dropped drastically in the night, and although Pod has a coat, he can still feel a chill in the air.

“Aren’t you from the North?” Pod asks.

“So? I’ve not a coat, Podrick. A wolf would be cold in this weather.”

“Well, I’m not giving you my furs,” he grunts. “Then I’ll be cold.”

“I wasn’t asking.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

Y/N continues to toss and turn, not caring whether or not they keep Pod awake. Why must they make him suffer just because they are?

After a moment Pod lets out an irritated sigh, and shuffles over. At the feeling of his body behind theirs, Y/N stiffens.

“What are you doing?” They ask him.

“Getting you warm. I need sleep, Y/N, and I won’t very well get that with you moving around every ten seconds. Now, come on, move closer.”

They wait a moment, he assumes in order to process his words. He’s not gotten along with Y/N since their meeting the day before, and he knows they’d rather not give in to anything he says or asks, but at this point he also knows they’re too tired and cold to care. They scoot backwards a half an inch, seemingly satisfied with the positioning as Pod wraps an arm around them. He tries to keep his face away from theirs, but eventually gives up and rests it in the crook of their neck.

“This means nothing,” Y/N asserts, stating matter-of-factly.

Pod doesn’t buy it, though. He feels their heart beating and their breath evening, giving away the comfort and ease they feel in the position you two are in. “Whatever you say, Princess.”

“I hate that nickname. And I really hate you.”

“Whatever you say, Princess.”

[goodluckclove]

So apparently when I drink enough to start posing real questions (such as "what spec fiction author would be the most fun to party with"), my body reacts poorly and I end up with insomnia. I've been lying in bed for about four and a half hours just pondering before I realized I'm an adult and I can just change locations.

I'm in the living room now. Bob seems happy for the attention. And I'd like to share my central ponder of the night, centered around how much of a bummer it is that like most of the online queer centered spaces I've seen consist of rampant in-fighting.

Stay with me here. Seriously this is a long one I'm very tired.

I'm not coming from some nonsense centrist place of no conflict ever. I just feel like so much queer conversation I see is either vague blanket support, or a massive thread that somehow starts in the middle of an argument. And as someone who is not necessarily old, but definitely not active online, this is super isolating.

I think it's a really interesting anthropological concept that as queer culture develops it becomes more niche and simultaneously more vague. That's cool. The downside is that I am now the human embodiment of that Griffin Mcelroy meme about not knowing what something is and being too afraid to ask. And every time I see someone who is clearly super passionate about some queer take, I really want to ask why they think what they do or how they came to that conclusion, but holy shit that feels dangerous.

Like it's not an immediate invalidation to ask why. More modern queer identities are so varied there's a very good chance two people experiencing the same circumstances might have two radically different reasons and ways to get there. I am at the point where I no longer think anyone can speak for our collective queer experience unless they use the broadest of terms. I'm genuinely just grieving that we're immediately giving each other shit over variations instead of getting together and comparing notes.

Oh but Google is free - fuck off. Like straight up. That shit flies for the surface level information and it's crazy to me that more people don't acknowledge that. Google is free for people who think there's only one intersex variation. Google is free for people who really want to know if scissoring is real. At this point in society there are multiple generations of queer people (or people in general) with multiple senses of online validity. Someone who grew up in the 90s might trust a more traditional source for information rather than a google doc or Tumblr post or reddit thread or tiktok, and by that logic they aren't really going to be convinced by any Googling they do for a lot of new cultural shifts.

Like I was a teen with shit opinions. I was snarky about "transtrenders" who used neopronouns. Not online or to anyone - I wasn't a complete dipshit - but I definitely thought it. If I posted about it online I'd say all the regular arguments and the opposing side would say all their regular arguments and we'd block each other and accomplish nothing.

Which would be a massive shame because one of my shining qualities is my ability to admit when I'm wrong. There's a much better alternate reality in which I did post about how people who think you don't need dysphoria to be trans are cringe, and some kind trans person asked why I thought that. Because then I'd say something like because everyone wants to be trans that doesn't mean you're just allowed to say you are.

And then they'd probably be like yeah maybe you should talk to more people about this and consider where you're coming from, saving me like ten years of gatekeeping myself from my own identity.

Like I tried the Googling thing for something niche that I'm curious about. I learned about aplatonicism recently and was like huh. New info. But every post I see in the aplatonic tag is already angry about being aplatonic so I'm not about to take space with my own curiosity.

But after scrolling a Reddit thread I am more confused than ever. I don't know what a squish is, friends. I mean, I know the definition - but my brain doesn't think of human relationships like that. People were talking about having friends that they love but they don't have squish love or friend love, also aplatonic describes some autistic people, also also aplatonic is a word specifically used for aromantic people who don't want QPRs. I don't think any of this is wrong. I do think that it is so much information that it cancels out in my brain, and now I kind of just think aplatonic is a word that means things sometimes. And that's not what I want.

I'm being self indulgent because I don't think anyone is reading this far and I'm feeling relaxed because I took an Adderall earlier today and I feel like I can actually think for the first time in months. I want to ask some aplatonic people what they think "friend love" is supposed to be compared to what they feel for their friends, if they have them. If they don't have a need for friends, I am very curious to know what they think about the friend list function on virtually every social media website and game. Like this is not a bit. I've been awake in bed for almost five hours and it occurred to me that might be a bummer. Maybe some people use them out of convenience, but I think it would be interesting to meet a person who's so staunch in their philosophy that they just don't. I feel like there's probably a lot of aplatonic people who are like just straight up not online and don't even know that's their vibe.

I want to ask some loveless aros what they consider to be positive emotions or motivations in their lives. Like I'm so full of love for virtually anything that the concept of not having that emotion across the board makes me wonder if something else fills the space. Like do loveless aros love ideas? Do they love their hobbies? I don't think aromantics are sociopaths at all, I've just seen people who both say that loveless is reclaiming a slur and also defining a lack of love and I'd like to know more about both.

I saw a post on my feed about how anyone should be allowed to get gender affirming surgery even if they aren't trans. I don't disagree. That argument has honestly never occured to me and I really wish I could've asked why someone would want that. Because "a cis man might want a vagina" is valid, but doesn't fly in terms of actual logistics. You have to make so many appointments and wait for so long and answer so many questions. I'm aware my opinion on this is heavily biased by being Agender and actively ridding my body of as many secondary sexual characteristics as quickly as possible. I am not immune to the propaganda of my own identity. I would just like to have an in-depth conversation with a cis man that wants a vagina and ask why and also if they think it's worth the maintenance. Because, like, there IS maintenance.

I'm not doing it to judge. If this hypothetical man is like "yeah I know I'd have to keep up with the upkeep and maybe wear hormone patches from now on, but structurally it makes sense for my view of my own manhood", I'd be like "that's really interesting, I considered adding a penis to my architecture but then decided that it would probably be a sensory nightmare for me. I'm surprised so many cis men can ride a bike."

And then maybe he'd say "where do you think cis men put their pensises when they ride a bike?" To which I would say "I don't know the mechanics of a penis and at this point the thought of learning in which direction I'd have to stick my hypothetical one makes me anxious."

And then he'd kind of scoff bemusedly, and we'd go out together for banh mis.

I think at this point in my rant I'm realizing that my major issue here is that the world as a whole is not friendly to genuine curiosity. I also get triggered by hate bait, and it bothers me that I can't pull the subject of the cringe fuel aside and be like what are you doing? Like, not judgementally. I want you to explain to me what you are doing and why it's important to you.

I don't think it'll convince me every time, but I'm pretty sure I'd be like "ah, okay. Makes sense." And then move on with a greater understanding of the growth of humanity.

And also we can get banh mis.

I really want a bahn mi but I can't bike to get one or else my guts will fall out. Gender affirming surgery is a mistake for the sole reason that it prevents me from yummy Vietnamese sandwiches.

Kidding. I'm kidding, not having a uterus anymore has been pretty cool.

The sun came up.

Fuck.