#given all the other blog plans I have lined up at current and in the near-ish future—

[take-ya-to-the-ghey-bar]

I mildly regret the fact that I’m currently still awake lol (not that I feel like I’d be able to sleep soon anyways, even tho f my eyes feel fuckin dry) but— I can at least now report that I’ve watched all 8 eps of Hazbin Hotel available on prime~

[starcursedluvrs]

"TALK"

I suguru x pregnant!reader

“And I’d be the immediate  Forgiveness  In Eurydice.  Imagine being loved by me.” 

part I of suguru x pregnant!reader (this isn’t completely canon compliant, and will probs be 3 or 4 parts and will go up to December 24th, 2017 on the current JJK timeline).  

summary: you loved suguru more than anything in this world. and you could argue he felt the same for you. actually, he would end the world for you. so, he took you with him the night he defected, and you happily obliged. however, in the midst of the chaos of leaving your life behind, two little lines appear on a certain test causing you to rethink your entire plan. 

A/N: heyyy!! i'm arden!! this is my first try at ever posting the fanfic I’ve written so please enjoy! I started this specific fic as a hobby back in December, and I finished it a little over a month ago (I’ve just been kinda nervy to post hehe) so here goes nothing! likes, reblogs, and comments are highly appreciated <3

MINORS / AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT. YOU WILL BE BLOCKED. 

warnings!: SPOILERS FOR GOJO’S PAST ARC. THIS IS A PREGNANCY FIC! 18+. nsfw. f!reader. suguru and reader are over the age of 18. explicit sexual content. unprotected sex/oral (f!receiving). breeding kink. fingering. creampie. pregnancy. unplanned pregnancy. lactation kink. mentions of child abuse. cute domestic fluff hehe. 

wc: 14.5k

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

September 2007 

4:27 PM (16:27)

“Wait…so what are we doing again?” you asked, riding atop one of Suguru’s many curses. You were straddling the pink alien-looking curse, legs dangling off either  side. One of Suguru’s large hands held your waist steady while the other controlled the motion of the cursed spirit. His chin was buried in the crook of your neck, so that he had easy access to press kisses into your skin. 

Suguru left a line of sweet pecks down your shoulder before answering. 

“This village in the sticks was reported to have kidnappings and abnormal deaths. Shouldn’t be anything unusual,” he said nonchalantly. 

You leaned back against him so that you could look up into his honey irises, pouting. His hand left your waist, moving comfortably behind him to support both of your weight. 

“Then why did you ask me to come along? Seems like you could handle it yourself, you’re a special grade. I’m only a semi grade-one,” you reasoned, reaching up to play with his stray bangs. He grabbed your hand before you could reach his neat, inky bun, pressing light kisses into your knuckles. 

“Well, if all goes well, maybe we can find a hotel or do something nice. Charge it to the school and say it took longer than we expected, so we get to stay somewhere overnight without waking Satoru,” Suguru replied, smirking a bit on the last line of his speech. 

“I like the way you think, my love,” you beamed, melting into his touch. 

… 

January 2007 

You and Suguru had been in a committed relationship for the past nine months, and friends for even longer.  You started secretly fucking around at the beginning of your third year at Jujutsu High. You had always been attracted to him, but given your tiny class size and the complexity of Jujutsu Society, you didn’t want to cause any drama or make things weird between you two. 

Well, life doesn’t always go to plan. 

Especially that one night at the beginning of your third year when you, Shoko, Satoru, and Suguru broke into Yaga’s liquor cabinet, stole two bottles of sake, and got a little handsy. With your judgment impaired, you might have let it slip that you thought Suguru was very attractive and often wondered how his sculpted body would feel beneath his Bontan pants and uniform shirt. The thought was reciprocated by the raven head. 

One thing led to another, and the next morning, you woke up in a tangled mess of inky black hair and bedsheets. Suguru just held you, keeping your body close to his, whispering sweet nothings into your ears. It was nice, you did not have to say anything to fill the comfortable silence that had fallen upon you two. 

Eventually, he placed a kiss on your forehead and started to pull his clothes on from the previous night. 

Last night. Was last night a mistake? 

Should you have let Suguru taken you out to dinner or something before he fucked you into tomorrow? 

“Wait…Sug hold on.

What does this mean? 

For us? Our friendship?” you asked in a panic before Suguru reached the door. 

“It doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to,” he replied in his calm, collected tone, looking at the floor with his back to you. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you sat up, still covered by the soft sheets, pulling your knees into your chest, slightly offended. 

“Just that we don’t have to make a big deal out of this if we don’t want to. We also don’t have to do this again if you don’t want to. I know this could complicate things if we keep at it,” he paced around to face you again, the distance still rather daunting.

“Okay.” 

“Cool.”

The comfortable silence from before slowly turned awkward. 

“Um…thanks,” you offer. 

“…for…what?” Suguru inquired. 

“Last night. It was…fun,” you flashed him an unsure smile. 

A deep rumble came from his chest as he chuckled, “Yeah, let’s see how much fun you have walking today. See ya in class,” before leaving the room.

“SUG-“ you called after him, blushing at the cheesy line as he left the room, disappearing back into the cocoon of sheets. 

…

March, 2007 

You tried to keep your distance from him. Being a child of the Kamo clan, you were probably destined to be forced into some relationship that benefitted Jujutsu society, and not your happiness. This was just one of the many things that you hated about Jujutsu Society. Therefore, Suguru was all that more enticing to you. 

You found yourself perched on Suguru’s desk the next week. Your legs were spread wide, held apart by his large hands to assure you didn’t squirm around too much and get away from him. Suguru was lapping at your folds like a man starved. He dragged his tongue up and down your slit, and worked his way up to your clit, giving it a little kiss and suck. 

“Ngh Suguru. More.” You moaned, bucking your hips up to his face. 

“That’s not how we ask,” he replied, pulling away. 

“Suguru. Please.”

“What happened to complete sentences?” Suguru pressed one of his large thumbs to your nub, holding pressure, but refrained from moving it. 

“Fuck YOU Suguru I-“ 

“That’s what I’m trying to do, doll. You’re just not behaving.” 

He started to swirl his thumb around gently. It wasn’t enough to make you cum, but the pleasure was still intense. 

“Suguru please, I need som-something inside. Fingers. Yours. Please.” You croaked out, your head going dizzy with pleasure. 

“Awww, what’s wrong? Can’t think straight?” He said, plunging his slickened digits, adorned with a few silver rings, right into your core. 

“At least you said please, so I guess I’ll let you cum this time,” Suguru voiced in that smooth, sultry voice of his. 

He started moving those two digits back and forth in a “come here” motion, not giving you a chance to adjust to their circumference. A lewd squelching noise filled the room as he continued his ministrations. “You’re being such a good girl for me, taking my rings and fingers so well. Yeah, you like that, don’t you?” 

You let out a loud moan, and Suguru immediately pushed his thumb in your mouth for you to suck on. That way, you wouldn’t draw attention to any unwelcome visitors who might be walking the halls of the school. 

“You don’t even have to answer with that pretty mouth, your body is answering for you. You’re so tight. Gods, you’re gorgeous.” he whispered into your ear. 

He put his mouth back on your clit to suck, and added a third finger. He kept thrusting it in and out, hitting that sweet spot that had you seeing stars, as if he had your g-spot memorized. 

If Sugru ended up drowning in your juices, he would die a happy man. He absolutely loved lapping up at your sweet pussy, the earthy scent intoxicating to him. 

Soon, you felt the familiar coil in the depths of your belly start to come undone, and your cunt fluttered around Suguru’s fingers, the stimulation becoming too much.

“Come apart f’me. I got you love. I got you. Cum f’me,” Suguru commanded in his pussy-drunk haze. 

You let go as your orgasm washed over you, relishing in the pure bliss as Suguru helped you through the aftershocks. When you came to, he captured your lips in a hungry kiss. You could still taste your essence on his tongue. 

The next night, you were folded over the same desk as he pounded into you with his fat length. The bathroom stalls. The pantry. Behind the bleachers at the field. You could not get enough of each other. 

You and Suguru both fell hard and fast for each other. His unwavering sense of morality, intelligence, and kindness towards others drew you even further into his grasp. The way he spoke, his scent of freshly done laundry, his loyalty to his friends; these were all things that you loved about Suguru Geto. He was one of a kind. 

As Jujutsu Sorcerers, you were well aware that your tomorrow was not guaranteed. Suguru made you feel alive, which, to you, was worth more than any amount of fame or glory that your clan could bestow upon you. He truly wanted to make the world a better place for you, and any future you might have together. On the third month of your official relationship, you confessed your love: 

“Suguruuuu,” you giggled as he kissed up your neck. 

You had been laying in Suguru’s bed, in the midst of a heated makeout session. Your back was pressed flat into the mattress, knees at an angle, and feet flat against the soft duvet. Suguru was positioned right on top of you, in between your knees. He held your face in both of his hands, and your arms clung to the back of his head, getting lost in the inky strands. 

“I love you.” He whispered, as if he was telling a secret. 

In lieu of an answer, you brought his head down into a deep, passionate kiss. Your tongues danced together for what seemed like forever and no time at all, until you broke the kiss and said, “I think I may love you more.” 

“Unfortunately, doll, that’s simply not true. I’d end the world for you.” 

You were hopelessly in love with Suguru Geto.    

…

May 2007 

“You have a list of baby names picked out? Dude you’ve been together for like a few months.” Shoko taunted, a cigarette tucked between her lips, clicking away on her silver flip phone. 

“Oh, come on Ieiri, I think every person has a baby name list.”

“I don’t.” Shoko deadpanned. 

“You’re a lesbian who has no desire for kids,” you shot back.

“Touché. I do have a cat name list, though, if that counts,” Shoko added.

“I think it does.” you replied. 

“Ugh, fineee, gimme the list,” said Shoko, already grabbing the journal out of your hand. After scanning through the list of names, Shoko looked up at you and burst into laughter.

“Ok, you cannot name your kid Shigure. Or Kyo. Or any character from Fruits Bask-“

“Yo, WHO’S having a kid” interrupted the lanky, white-haired person with blacked-out sunglasses and a mischievous smile. Suguru appeared next to Satoru, holding a basketball, running to kiss you hello. 

“NO ONE’S having a kid,” you replied. 

“Ok, wait I need to know, do either of you have baby name lists? I feel like every person has them.” 

Satoru sighed, and thought about the question for a second. Suguru sat on the ground and started rolling the basketball in the dirt. 

“I haven’t even thought about baby names. To be honest, kids are kinda hard to have when you’re a sorcerer. You have to go on missions and then come home and change diapers, no thanks. Like, what if it poops on you? Also, I kinda wanna spite the old geezers in my clan.” Satoru added.

“You raise an excellent point, Gojo. This is one of the reasons why I love being a lesbian. Less of a risk for accidents,” Shoko took a drag from her cigarette.

“I can’t be the ONLY person here who has a list,” you sighed. 

“Lemme see that-“ Satoru said as he grabbed your journal from Shoko’s grasp. 

“…These are just Fruits Basket and One Piece charact-” Satoru snickered. 

“Wait Satoru, have you read the new One Piece chapter yet? I heard it’s crazy.” Suguru cut in. 

“Oh, no not yet, I haven’t had a chance to get the new volume,” Satoru whined. 

“What are you doing right now? Wanna go pick up some coke from the vending machine, then get to that bookstore in Shinjuku and grab a copy?” Suguru explained with excitement. 

“Honestly, a coke sounds amazing right now. Either of you wanna come?” Satoru gestured to you and Shoko. 

“Nah, I think we’re gonna go steal some of Yaga’s booze,” Shoko informed. 

“Yeah, he’s on a mission for the next day or so. Might as well take advantage of it,” You said, a little defeated and disinterested. 

“…’kay see you guys later then.” Satoru said in a sing-songy voice. 

Suguru walked up to you, pressed a quick peck on your lips, and said, “I’ll be back. Love you.” 

But that wasn’t all.

Under his breath, so that no one else could hear, he whispered, “Don’t think this conversation is over yet, doll,” and walked away as if he hadn’t uttered anything. Your stomach was filled with butterflies and you felt your cheeks go hot as he walked away. 

… 

Later the same day, May, 2007

You were sitting on Suguru’s lap as he twiddled on his PS3 controller playing one of his games. Suguru was sitting on the floor, his legs criss-crossed while you leaned against his back, feeling his warmth though his clothing. You were sporting one of his large white t-shirts, wearing only your favorite pair of panties underneath. 

“Sug?” You question softly, turning around to face him. 

“Yeah, doll?” He replied not looking down from his game. 

“So…about that comment earlier. Why did you say the conversation wasn’t finished yet? And which one? About the One Piece chapter? Or the baby names? I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable asking that question, I was ju-“

Suguru paused his game and looked at you, a smirk on his face. 

“It did the opposite of making me uncomfortable, actually. It made me feel a little more normal, or as normal as we can be given our lifestyle. I have a baby name list too.” 

Your heart fluttered. Of course he did. 

“I saw the list over Satoru’s shoulder. And we actually had one name in common.”

“Which name?” 

“Riko.” He replied softly.

His answer made you happy and sad all at once. You wish you didn’t have that name on your list. Riko Amanai had meant so much to the both of you. She represented the freedom that you could have from Jujutsu Society, as well as everything that was broken and corrupt about it. Riko’s death is what radicalized the both of you. She set you both on a path to work towards a better world. 

For a moment, you thought about what your life would be with Suguru had you not been Jujutsu Sorcerers. You would probably get married as soon as you graduated, get a job somewhere. Buy a cozy house in the countryside. Make home cooked meals, have children, adopt some dogs. You would grow old together and not have to constantly worry about the fact that you could die a gruesome death in the morning. 

You were lying down on your side now, your back against Suguru’s chest. Suguru moved a hand under your shirt, to your stomach, slowly rubbing circles, drawing you out of your trance. 

“I love your tummy, it’s so cute” Suguru sighed into your ear. 

You giggled.

“What’s so funny about that, love?”

“I’m sorry that just sounded so funny in the moment.” 

“I don’t think it’s that funny, especially when my baby’s gonna be in there one day.”

He said it so nonchalantly and matter-of-factly that you thought you had misheard him. You blushed, hoping you didn’t mishear. 

“SUG-“ you turned around and gave a playful slap to his arm. 

After a pause of giggling from the both of you, Suguru just couldn’t let the topic get away from you. 

“Ya know, I think about it a lot,” he continued. 

“Think about what,” you questioned.

“Think about what our future would be like. A house that is actually full of love. And little feet running around.” 

“Tell me more,” you said against his lips. 

“Maybe we’d live in a really remote village away from everything Jujutsu related. We could get a little farm, raise some sheep, horses, chickens, crops. We could add to the world instead of just taking.” 

“Why do we have to wait for the future to do that? Money isn’t the issue here,” You answered, referring to the handsome compensation you receive for such a risky career path. 

“True, I could just fuck a baby into you right now.” 

“I was talking about the house, and you knew that.” You shot back, a laugh escaping your chest at an attempt to be serious. 

“That’s another thing I think about.” 

“What?” You were taunting him now. You wanted to see where this was going.

“You, your tummy all round with my baby. God, you look so good when you’re stuffed full f’me,” Suguru slurred. From the dim light of his paused video game, you could see that his pupils were blown with lust. He kissed you hard and messily, tongue intertwining with yours.

Suguru removed your (his) shirt and started to kiss down your body, landing at your breasts, hovering right over a nipple. 

“These would look so good with milk. So pretty and soft,” he purred, taking a nipple into his mouth. 

The warmth of his mouth felt so good against your pebbled nipples, you couldn’t help but let out a moan. He licked and sucked until you were a drooling, wet mess underneath him. 

“You like this, huh. Baby, I’ve barely touched you. And you’re already this worked up?” He taunted, moving to give attention to the neglected nipple. 

“What else?” you slurred, ignoring his question. He still hadn’t admitted it.

“Everyone would know who you belonged to. All because of me.” He continued, releasing the nipple from his mouth. 

His words sent shivers down your spine, and you felt your arousal start to pool uncomfortably in your underwear. You needed them off. 

“Suguru, what do you want?” you asked the obvious question, just wanting to hear him speak more on the topic. 

“I wanna stuff your pretty cunt full of cum ‘till you can’t take any more, doll,” he grumbled, grinding his impressive erection on your clothed cunt. 

“Wanna get you pregnant so bad,” he continued pressing feverish kisses down the length of your body. “You’ve been asking a lot of questions about what I want.” He made his way to your panties, “But, before I take these off, I need to know what you want.”

Your hole was clenching around nothing at his words, you were getting rather impatient. 

“Please touch me.” You whined. 

“Hmm, I have been touching you my love,” 

“Sugu- stop t-teasin-nghhh.” you moaned as one of his thick fingers started moving in a circular motion on your bud. Soon, one finger became two, and he moved them from your clit to your slick folds, swirling the juices around, occasionally ghosting your eager cunt. 

“Suguru gimme your dick,” you begged. 

“Baby, one, you can ask nicer than that, where are your manners? And two, I have to get you ready to take me first. Gotta make sure I can fit the most amount of cum in there as possible,” he let out a small moan on the last word. 

“Open your mouth, doll,” he commanded. 

You complied, opening your mouth as he stuck his two slickened fingers in, pushing them as far back as they could go. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see a dark stain forming on his gray sweatpants. He must have been impossibly hard. 

Your moans and gasps vibrated against his digits, and when he thought you had been teased enough, he finally offered you the sweet relief of his fingers filling you. Definitely not as large as his cock, but they reached the parts of you that you could not with your own hands. Suguru started thrusting in and out, curling his fingers along the way, hitting your g-spot with brutal precision.

“Sug-nghhh, I’m gonna-” 

“Shhh baby, you can let go for me, I got you. So good f’me.” 

With the thumb of his hand, he lightly stroked your clit, and you felt the familiar heat bubbling in your core. After a few more thrusts, and praises from Suguru, you were cumming all over his fingers. He helped you through your orgasm, your head full of wool as you came down from your high. Suguru brought his drenched appendages to his mouth and sucked, cleaning your fluids from his fingers.

“If only curses tasted this good. I can’t get enough of you.”

In your post-orgasm clarity, you realized that your boyfriend was still clothed. That wouldn’t do. You sit up, rummaging through sticky sweats and underwear to pull his dick out. A long strand of precum dripped from his tip, breaking away as you pulled him out of his boxers. His penis would never fail to surprise you; he was of average length, but so thick, you could barely close your hand around him. You wrapped two hands around his cock as your mouth watered at the beautiful sight before you. But, just as you were about to taste him, two of his strong hands pushed you back against the bed, forcing you off of his dick. 

“What was that for? I wanna suck you off,” you pouted.

“Sorry, doll. We can’t waste any cum,” he said as his nose ghosted against yours. 

“But I just wanted to make sure, you never said it out loud. Do you actually want this? Can I actually get you pregnant? Don’t wanna pressure you if it was just a kink.” He looked into your eyes with concern, needing your verbal confirmation to continue. 

“Suguru. Put a baby in me.” 

You think you broke your boyfriend after saying that. He let out a grunt from deep within his chest and grabbed a pillow from the pile that fell off the bed in during your earlier activities. He placed the pillow underneath your lower back and whispered choruses of “I love you,” on your skin. Suguru’s fingertips traced over your skin, eventually grasping your legs, throwing them over his shoulders. 

“I don’t deserve you, doll.” He pressed a quick kiss to your nose. 

“This is called a mating press,” Suguru explained as he grabbed his cock and lined up with your twitching hole. “I did some research as to what position would get you pregnant the fastest, and I think this one has a good success rate.”  He sounded so methodical in his explanation, which was so in character for him. Of course your Suguru would do research into this. He would do anything for you to make you happy. And you would do the same for him. 

When he pushes the head in, you both gasp at the contact. He kept sliding in until his balls slapped against your ass and your pelvic bones met. There was such little resistance, and you let out a sob as he bottomed out. 

“You ok, baby? You’re taking me like such a-a, nghhh- good girl. Feels like heaven in your pussy. My pussy.” It was so attractive when he got possessive over you, your ovaries felt like they were about to burst in more ways than one. 

“Sugu- ngh- move-“ 

Instead of moving, he licked the inside of your upper thigh, dragging his tongue impossibly slow to tease you. 

“NGH- plea-ahhh please,” you could feel tears pricking in the corner of your eyes. He made it so easy for you to fall apart. 

“Good girl, look at you using your words,” he sounded wrecked, his voice gravely with arousal. And with that, he began moving. At first, his thrusts were slow and deep; you could feel every vein and ridge on his dick. His balls slapped against the fat of your ass, creating an embarrassingly loud clapping sound that bounced off of the walls. It felt delicious. 

You weren’t just having sex - he was making love to you. It was emotional and sensual. The tears you felt earlier spilled over on to your cheeks as Suguru picked up the pace, his cock pistoning in and out. He kissed your tears away as you muttered broken moans of both his name and explicits. 

Suguru’s grip was surely going to leave bruises in the morning. One hand was holding your body in place around your waist, while the other kept your leg over his shoulder. He let go of your leg for a moment as he grabbed another pillow that was somewhere in reach, and gently slid it under your hips so that he could reach you at a deeper angle. Your vision went blurry. He was impossibly deep, you thought you could feel him rearranging your intestines. 

Finally, his thrusts started getting sloppier. You knew Suguru was close. 

“Gonna fuck my baby into you,” he half moaned. “Fuck, love, I’m close. Want ya to let go first,” and with that, he moved his possessive, bruising touch to rub your clit. After a few rotations around your nub, you let go, your vision going white as you came hard, your cunt clamping down on his cock.

The vice grip of your pussy is what finally sent him over the edge, and Suguru began to fill you up with his thick load. 

“Thank you, baby, thank you,” Suguru chanted, like it was a prayer, and you were the goddess who was receiving his offering. You laid like that for a while, him still inside, your hips tilted up to keep his cum inside of you. He left a trail of kisses down your sweat-drenched neck as his cock softened in your walls. 

After about fifteen minutes, you felt Suguru starting to fill out again, his body gearing up for round two. 

And then three.

And then four. 

You lost count of how many times you had cum that night. Your tummy sported a small bump with the amount of Suguru’s seed trapped in your womb. You were so full that you couldn’t possibly take any more. And Suguru loved you like that. 

Of course, he loved you always, but this was different. He took one of his large hands and gently massaged your sore, slightly swollen belly, pressing wet kisses all around. 

“I hope our baby looks like you,” you whispered into the crown of his head. 

“I was just thinking the same thing. I hope our baby at least has your eyes. I get lost in them sometimes,” he responded. “Ya know, your eyes are probably my favorite part of you, besides your tummy. And your beautiful brain. And every other part of you.” 

“I love you so much, Suguru. I don’t think I can put it into words. You’re such a good man, so good to me. You’re gonna be the best dad one day,” you confessed.

“Hopefully, that day will be soon,” he smirked, “I’m gonna go get you water and a hot washcloth to clean you up. Want anything to eat?” 

You smiled back at him and shook your head, blowing a kiss to him before he left. 

You expected yourself to be more freaked out by his comment, “hopefully, that day will be soon,” but you couldn’t help but feel excited. Life as a Jujutsu Sorcerer was so unexpected, you never knew when a mission was going to be your last. You decided it wouldn’t be a bad thing to have a little mini Suguru running around, allowing the three of you to finally have the family that neither you nor Suguru ever did. 

… 

August 2007

It was a disgustingly hot day outside. You were so sweaty, you felt your clothes sticking to you, and the humidity felt as if you were walking through a sauna. 

Since it was so unbearably hot outside, you and Suguru decided it would be a nice day to go to a water park. Of course, that meant Satoru and Shoko had to tag along. 

You and Suguru were in charge of packing, as the other two would not have chosen enough food or towels for your journey. They would probably also forget things like sunscreen and umbrellas, opting to fill your beach bags with bottles of booze and sweets. You and Suguru were practically the parents of the friend group at this point; sometimes the other two would even refer to you as “mom and dad.” Suguru would give you a smirk any time this happened, reminding you of the conversation you had back in May. 

After you fought Satoru on the fact that he could not in fact take an entire box of ice cream mochi to the water park, you were set to leave on your adventure. The four of you and your bags all piled in the car of an assistant director. Excitement and easy conversation flowed through the vehicle, as all of you relished in the relief of the cool air conditioning. 

Shoko sat in the front, smoking a cigarette, choosing which CDs to play, while you sat in the back with Satoru and Suguru. Suguru, being the gentleman that he is, gave you the seat behind the driver’s side. You tried to resist, explaining that he and Satoru would have more leg room if you just sat in the middle, but Suguru insisted. 

The four of you finally arrived at the water park about an hour and a half later. 

Maybe this was a bad idea. 

As you walked through the wooden gates, the park was swarmed with families, teenagers, and college students. There were colorful slides entangled in each other at the center of the park, with a lazy river surrounding it. To the left, there was a wave pool with people attempting to surf, and to the right, there was another large pool with buckets of water that would dump on patrons randomly. The lounge chairs were spread throughout the park, and it seemed like the entirety of Japan had come to this one water park to beat the summer heat. 

“Ok guys let’s stay together and try to find some lounge chai-” 

“Shoko! I’m gonna beat you down those slides, ready?” Satoru screamed with glee, like a young child. 

“Hold on, lemme finish this,” Shoko replied, motioning to her cigarette. 

“NO! We. Are. Going. To. Sit. Down. Let’s just stay together, it’s a madhouse here,” You put your foot down. 

“If I wanted to be mothered, mother, I would have gone home for the summer,” Shoko rolled her eyes at you. You just ignored her, too bothered by the heat to even come up with a good comeback.

“I sent out a curse to go find us a spot - wait. Where’s Satoru?” Suguru chimed in.

“Let’s be logical about this. Where is the nearest ice cream stand?” You asked. 

“Ha, there he is,” Shoko nodded her head towards the nearest ice cream stand. In the line of children, there was one with white hair who was almost as tall as the stand itself. Bingo. 

You marched over to the line, and went to tug Satoru by his ear back to the group. Alas, his Infinity was on, and you could not touch him. 

“Oof, I would not wanna be him right now, that one has a temper,” Shoko joked, as she put her cigarette out over the trash can next to them, watching you and Satoru argue. In that moment, Suguru couldn’t help but stare at you, taking in how beautiful you looked against the summer sun. You were glowing, radiant, even as you berated his best friend. 

“I haven’t seen you look at someone the way you look at her.” Shoko broke Suguru’s thoughts, pulling him out of his trance. 

“Yeah.” Suguru responded, smiling. 

“Wow, you didn’t even try to deny it,” Shoko smirked back. “OOooo someone’s in looovee,” Shoko teased. 

“I am. And I’m so lucky. I love her more than anything in the world,” Suguru said with a content sigh. 

“Ok, now you’re just gonna make me vomit, that’s so sappy,” Shoko stuck out her tongue, making a fake gagging sound. 

“It’s true,” Suguru responded, still in his trance.

“What if I can treat her better than you,” Shoko teased. 

“Maybe,” he said, the slightest flicker of insecurity in his eyes. “I don’t think I deserve her sometimes. She’s not as tainted by curses and cursed energy as I am. She’s not the one who absorbs curses day after day.” He looked tired. Shoko noticed the bags under his eyes, but just as she was about to say something, you came running with Satoru’s wrist in your hand, pulling him with an ice cream cone in his hand. The ice cream was beginning to drip everywhere.

“I can’t believe they only had vanilla. What a ripoff,” Satoru sighed, annoyed. 

“You dumbass, you didn’t even get napkins!? How am I supposed to call you a functioning adult, you’re literally about to turn 19, and you didn’t even get napkins?!” You berated him again.

“Oh, looks like the curse found a place for us to sit. It’s keeping the area clear so non-sorcerers aren’t determined to sit there,” Suguru interrupted. 

You all walked towards a little spot in the shade with three lounge chairs and a table. You figured you would just share your lounge chair with Suguru and sit in his lap. Or he could use your lap as a pillow and you could braid his hair. Either worked. 

Just as you were setting out your towels on the chairs, you heard a PLOP and crying following after. A little kid had slipped and fallen down on the concrete. He used his hands to break the fall, and the skin of his palms were broken a little bit, blood splintering through the cracks. He started hysterically crying.

“Oh no, sweetie! Are you okay? Where is your grown up?” you rushed over to the kid. 

“I think I packed a first aid kit in the bag, let me get it,” Suguru added.

Of course he did, that man was prepared for the end of the world.

Suguru took an antiseptic wipe from the kit, and bent down so that he was at eye level with the kid. 

“This is probably going to sting, but it will feel better I promise. Your bathing suit is dope by the way, I love the colors,” Suguru cooed at the kid, trying to calm him down. 

“You remind me a lot of my little brother, his name is Noritoshi. He’s really brave. Are you brave like him?” you added. 

The child stopped his hysterics and let Suguru clean him up, listening to both of your kind words. He nodded his little head of pink hair at your question and pointed towards an elderly man slowly, but frantically making his way over to the kid.

“Yuji! What happened?” the old man asked.

“I falled and getted a boo-boo,” the kid, called Yuji, sniffled. 

“He slipped and hurt his hand, we have some antiseptic disinfectant and bandaids though, so we fixed him right up,” you told the man as he got closer.

“He was really brave,” Suguru added, smiling down at Yuji. 

“Thank you, so much. You two are very kind,” the man said in a monotone voice. Though his voice showed no emotion, his eyes did. His eyes looked tired, but definitely grateful to the kindness of you and Suguru. 

“Feel better, dude!” Suguru yelled to Yuji as his grandfather led him away. 

After about an hour of tanning on the lounges with Shoko, you looked to see where the boys went. It wasn’t very hard to spot the two best friends, as they were acting like children, making big waves in the lazy river. On Suguru’s shoulders, you noticed something: the kid with the pink hair from earlier. 

Suguru and Satoru were having some sort of chicken fight with him, all three of them laughing and having the time of their lives. 

“You are hopeless,” Shoko rolled her eyes, a new cigarette in between her lips. 

“What do you mean?” You replied. 

“Don’t play dumb, I know what you’re thinking,” she smirked back.

…

September 2007 

“Suguru, you look like you’ve lost weight, are you okay?” Satoru asked, as he twirled a pencil in midair with his Infinity technique. 

“Just tired,” Suguru responded. 

Over the past few weeks, Suguru had developed dark circles and bags under his eyes. He looked pale, and was often exhausted. Not too exhausted for you though, apparently. 

It seemed the two of you spent more and more time together holed up in one of your rooms when you weren’t on missions. It was just so nice in your own little world, away from everything. You didn’t have to care about who lived and who died. You only had to focus on each other. 

Satoru attempted to carry on the conversation. 

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.” 

“You probably won’t see me for a while again.” 

“Yo, what’s that supposed to mean?” 

“I need to get out of here. Both of us do. We’re not fit for Jujutsu Society.” Suguru said, referring to the two of you. 

“Ha, ha, so funny.” Satoru sarcastically added. 

“It’s not a joke.” 

“What do you mean? Dude, you’re a special grade, you seriously think they’re gonna let you quit?” 

It was true. The elders wouldn’t just let Suguru run away and walk free. If he was not with Jujutsu society, he was probably against it. And letting a special grade sorcerer and his grade one partner roam free would pose a threat to the stability of the elder’s iron grip on the status quo of Jujutsu society. 

He’d have to get the elders to denounce and force you out. 

So, here you were, flying with the man who was your boyfriend, your one and only, on the back of a curse, headed out for a mission, and hopefully, some much needed seclusion with Suguru. 

… 

7:03 PM (19:03)

You and Suguru decided to split up for the mission. It had been reported that there was a sighting of two possible curse users and a separate cursed spirit. Thus, Suguru wanted to deal with the curse users, and you to deal with the curse itself. 

You exorcized the curse with ease, using piercing blood to slice the monster in half. There were a few other lower level curses, which you could have eliminated with your eyes closed. It seemed too easy. If Suguru was sent on this mission, there had to be something else, another factor. After a few minutes of patrolling for any other cursed energy residue, you decided to find your way back to Suguru. 

You found him standing outside of a small house on the outskirts of the village. He seemed out of it; he was staring right at the door, but did not enter. As you approached, you saw the strong cursed energy residue leading from the door. 

“Sug, I exorcized those curses. I know you hate the taste of swallowing them, I didn’t want to make you do that if you didn’t have to.” If Suguru heard you, he showed no acknowledgement. 

“Suguru?” You pinched the sleeve of his white collared shirt.

“Dude? Did you hear me?” You squeezed his thick bicep, pushing your manicured nails into his skin, effectively bringing him back from whatever plane of reality he was on. 

“The locals in the village told me this is the home of two little girls, twins. Their descriptions match the ones for the curse users. So…” He insinuated, leaving the rest for you to figure out. His amber eyes were dark and cold. 

“Oh.” You said. You and Suguru had both been through a lot and hated Jujutsu Society. You and Suguru had your incident with Amanai a little over a year earlier, and your uppity clan kept you from your mother, a heartbreaking decision by the family head in order to give you the best possible chance of becoming the leader of the clan. A position which you despised.

Over the past few months, in the afterglow of sex, you two would lay there, embraced in each other's arms, dreaming of a world without curses, without clans, without people to produce those curses. “Monkeys,” as Suguru referred to non-sorcerers, from which curses were created. In your and Suguru’s fantasy world, you wouldn’t even have a reason to use curse techniques. You could get married, have children, live a peaceful life without fear of a curse coming to take that happiness away.

The bottom line is you knew Jujutsu Society was unfair, but never would you think you would be asked to harm a child. What was wrong with these people? You thought of your little brother, Norotoshi, who was also six years old. He was supposed to be your “competition” for the title of family head, but you never really wanted to fight him. He was just your sweet little brother. 

How could you harm someone that is the same age as your little brother? 

A wave of nausea ran through your body as the reality of the situation dawned upon you. Suguru kneeled down on the floor with you, rubbing your back and holding your hair back as you vomited. 

“Shhh, I got you.” He wrapped you in an awkward embrace on the floor, and pressed a kiss to your sweat-sheened forehead. “It’s going to be okay. I have a plan.” Suguru’s entire demeanor changed in an instant. He smiled, but there was no emotion behind his eyes, and his voice sounded like it was coated in honey. 

His behavior was strange, but helped you to feel more at ease. Suguru gave you some hope to cling on to. 

… 

8:46 PM (20:46) 

You were both sitting on the stairs leading up to the front of the house. You were leaning on Suguru as he brushed a hand over your hair, occasionally placing a kiss on the top of your head. You had finally finished sobbing into Suguru’s chest after an hour, the teardrops staining through his white collared shirt. You felt so many emotions. Anger at the broken system. Hatred, for the Jujutsu Society elders. Confusion, for what would happen once you committed to your plan. Grief, for the people in your life that you would lose. Betrayal, from the society that was supposed to protect people. Suguru sat with you and validated your feelings, making you feel like you and your emotions were the only things in this world that matter. 

The plan was simple. You were both going to defect. 

Both you and Suguru were sick and tired of the way the world functioned. You were sick of watching comrades, comrades who were teenagers, who were children, die. 

During one of your late night conversations, Suguru once said, 

“If being a Jujutsu Sorcerer is like running a marathon…

What if what’s at the end of that road…

Is a mountain of our fellow sorcerers’ dead corpses.”

In that moment, Suguru had played it off as some dark joke, but part of you knew that he was right. 

As for the plan, you two were to wait until some of the elders of the village led you into the small house, as they apparently kept multiple locks on it to keep the supposed dangerous young girls at bay. Then, you were going to take the young sorcerers on the back of one of Suguru’s curses and run to Kyoto and find somewhere to stay for the night. Suguru said he would “take care of the rest.” You trusted him with your whole being, even if that meant him ending the lives of a few non-sorcerers. It would serve them right for causing the very existence of curses. 

…

9:01 PM (21:01)

The two elders from the village arrived shortly after. You took Suguru’s hand and shared a reassuring glance, his thumb rubbing gently over your hand as if to say, it’s going to be okay. Shaking with exhaustion, anxiety, and some of the nausea from earlier,  you slowly made your way up the stairs as the elders parted the shoji doors. The building seemed to be one long room with some sort of wooden cage at the end, almost like the house was made to hold animals at some point. 

The building was dimly lit, but you could see the outline of two small figures huddled together in the center of the wooden cage. Your stomach turned once again, and you tightly squeezed Suguru’s hand.

“What is this?” Suguru firmly questioned, his free hand going up to brush his bangs away. 

The two of you stepped closer to the makeshift prison, and the two small figures were shaking. As you made your way towards the children, they had obviously been beaten. They were covered in dry blood, scratches and bruises. They both had one black eye. 

How could these children, these SIX year olds, legally be kept like this? THESE were the scary curse users that were terrorizing this village? It was disgusting. 

“My grandchild was on the verge of death because of these two,” spit the woman who led you in.

“These two use strange powers and often attack the villagers.” defended the other man in your presence.

Suguru dropped your hand and squatted down to be at eye level with the girls, pinching his nose bridge between his pointer finger and thumb. 

“So you mean to tell me that you monkeys think that these little girls, these children are responsible for the incidents that have been occuring, is that correct?” Suguru grumbled, his voice icy and dangerous. 

“I already dealt with the cause of the incidents, they’re innocent children, what is wrong with you people,” you cried. You were full of rage, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. 

One of the young girls, clutching a well-loved stuffed animal, bravely spoke up and declared, “We didn’t mean to hurt anyone on purpose, they were trying to-”

“SHUT UP YOU MONSTERS!” The elder woman screamed. 

“Your parents were the same. I knew we should have killed you when you were born,” the man added. 

“Exactly, twins are bad luck. We should have known better,” the elder woman snorted. 

Suguru looked down at the girls and whispered something that would not have been obvious to someone who did not know him as well as you did, “It’ll be okay.”

He started drawing a curse from his arsenal of cursed spirits, and gave you a nod. The signal to go ahead with the plan. 

That same silky smooth, almost frighteningly nice, voice that Suguru only used when he was especially angry. 

“Let’s step outside for a second, shall we?” Suguru tutted, producing the same pink cursed spirit you flew on to get to the village. He walked out the door with the two older adults and shot you a glance. 

I’d end the world for you. 

It was the same expression he bore when you confessed your love for each other, all of those months ago. 

The girls immediately stood up when they sighted the curse. They were terrified, understandably so. You moved towards the thick metal lock of the wooden cage and knelt down.

“Hey girls, I’m not going to hurt you, I’m here to help. You’re safe. I know it must seem so scary right now, but me and the other man you saw me with are going to get you out of here.”

You told them your name, and assured them that you were like them. Using your piercing blood to cut through the thick lock, you explained to them about your technique and talked to them about your little brother to keep them (and yourself) calm. 

As soon as the lock broke, the girls ran to you and hugged you tightly. They were shaking, crying, and clinging to your body. A series of thank you’s flooded from their mouths, and you kissed the top of their heads, attempting to dry their tears away. 

“The pink curse over here is going to take us to safety. Suguru, that man who’s talking to them, is also a sorcerer, and he’ll meet us wherever we get to.” you explained. 

You sat the girls on the curse side by side, and then climbed in back of them to make sure they did not fall. Using Supernova, you blasted a hole through the roof, and the cursed spirit started to levitate off of the ground. Quickly, you gained altitude and left the village behind. You covered the girls eyes as you looked back, just to see what was happening. The entrance to the house was ablaze and you could make out Suguru’s cursed spirits crawling throughout the village. 

Shit. Well, there wasn’t any turning back now. 

… 

The Next Morning

Overnight, you had flown the girls to a small hostel on the outskirts of Osaka. You purchased a small, private room for the three of you to stay in. 

As the sky turned from a deep purple to a ombré of orange and blue, nausea from the previous evening returned in full force. You held yourself over the toilet as you threw up what felt like your entire gut. You stayed like that until you heard four small feet walk into the bathroom behind you. 

With the light properly shining on them, you got to see how truly filthy they were. The girl, who called herself Mimiko, had short brown hair that was knotted, matted, and crinkled with dry blood. Her sister, Nanako, was not faring much better. Her blonde curls were also matted, and there was crusted blood left on her forehead. They both were covered from head to toe in bruises, had dark circles around their eyes, and seemed to be alarmingly skinny. 

“Um… are you okay?” Nanako asked. You took a deep breath, happy to focus on something other than your churning stomach for a moment. 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I think it’s just nerves.” You answered. 

“Let’s worry about you two, I’ll run you a bath, then we can go to the 7/11 across the way and pick up some food. Sound good?” You declared. 

Mimiko’s stomach rumbled. “I think your belly answered for you, Mimiko,” you chuckled softly. 

… 

While the girls bathed, you went down to the Lost and Found of the hostel and grabbed a few items that looked like they would fit the twins: some hoodies, leggings, and a skirt. You also fixed yourself up, washing the vomit out of your mouth and splashing your face with hot water from the sink. 

Once the girls looked decent enough to go outside without raising suspicion, the three of you ventured out to the 7/11 across the street. 

The smell of food was a welcome scent as you walked up and down the rows of food, snacks, and other items. You grabbed whatever you thought a few six year olds would like, and on your way to the cashier, something caught your eye. A row of 100 yen pregnancy tests and other feminine care products. Whether it be a metaphorical gut feeling or the actual nausea that had persisted for the last few days, something told you to purchase a stick to pee on, just in case.You snuck the test into the pile of items you and the girls were purchasing. 

When the three of you got to the hostel, the girls scarfed their food down, and you tried to take little nibbles and sips of water. You put the twins down for a nap. 

You tried your best not to think about Suguru. You didn’t know what to think of him anymore. The man you spoke to the previous night could not have been your boyfriend. The Suguru you knew would never kill without a point. He would never just murder an entire village of people. 

You hoped and prayed that you were wrong. That he didn’t actually harm anyone and just showed off his curses to teach the people of the village a lesson.

Wait.

What if he was killed? 

It was all so confusing. You loved Suguru. He’s the one person who seemed to have love for you, besides your younger brother. 

Noritoshi. A pang of guilt wracked through your frame, heightening the gurgling of your stomach. 

If he murdered those non-sorcerers…you would have been deemed an accomplice. 

 So…

What would he think? 

Your baby brother?

Would he be okay? 

He’s a boy with an inherited technique in the Kamo clan. But would people look out for him? Would they keep him from your mother as well? 

In your spiral of thoughts, you noticed the 7/11 bag on the counter and remembered the supplies you bought earlier that day. You grabbed it as quietly as possible, as to not wake the girls, and stepped into the bathroom, clutching the goods inside. Your hands were shaking from lack of food over the past day and a half, but as carefully as you could, you retrieved the pregnancy test from the bag. 

The box was small, but felt so heavy in your hand. 

Why not? It probably won’t be positive, you told yourself. 

Why do I have to convince myself it won’t be positive, you thought. 

You know what, it will get my brain off of Noritoshi and Suguru for a bit, you reasoned, pulling apart the tucked in top of the box. 

After you fully unwrapped it, you read the directions, and followed suit. You put the test in the cup on the sink of the bathroom, and walked out to see the clock in the room. You waited five minutes until the results developed. 

Wait…this was probably a bad idea.

What were you thinking? 

This was so stupid why would you go and do this in the first place? 

You needed to get some air, your chest felt tight. You felt the nausea creeping back again. 

Suguru, where are you? 

You grabbed a room key off of the counter and slowly walked out into the hallway, desperately trying to keep yourself from waking the girls. One of the first things that caught your eye in the hallway was a vending machine. 

Maybe some soda would help settle your stomach? 

You walked over to the machine and plucked a few coins from your pocket, listening to them clink through the slot. You selected a Ginger Ale and Coke, reasoning that if you didn’t drink it, Suguru would when he got back.

If he got back. 

No. You can’t think like that. 

You took as long as you could getting back to the room, stepping on every other square of the carpeted floors, trying to ground yourself back to reality somehow. You arrived at the door a few minutes later and opened the door. 

The windows in your room were wide open, allowing a little breeze to blow the curtains. You dropped both bottles of soda. 

You had locked the windows before leaving the room. You made sure of it. 

You panicked, running for the girls to make sure they were okay. Alas, they were sleeping soundly, no new scratches or blood on them. 

You turned your attention to the bathroom, where the door was closed and you heard some rustling. 

Slowly making your way towards the door, you lined up your piercing blood technique, in case you were about to be attacked. 

“Baby, is that you?” you heard from the other side of the door. 

“Suguru.” You didn’t know if you should be more frightened or relieved. 

Part of you wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and kiss the scratches and dried blood away from him. Other than that, he looked relatively unharmed. His usual neat bun was not apparent on the top of his head, instead he let his hair hang loose, his bangs tied up in a messy half-up-half-down. He was dressed in all black, a dark oversized crew neck and baggy black sweats. As insinuated by the dark bags under his eyes, he didn’t look like he had eaten or slept in the past day or two. 

“Whose blood is that? Yours? Or someone else’s.” 

“That’s one way to say hello.”

“Answer.” 

“Doll, what’s wrong?”

“Suguru, are you okay?”

“My love, I took care of everything. We’ll be safe for the next few days, alright. We just have to lay low for a little while.” 

“Suguru, answer me.” 

“Shhh, everything is okay, doll. Your body's working overtime right now, and the pregnancy hormones can’t be helping.”

What? 

You stared at him. No way. 

“That test is your’s, right?” he questioned, his face filled with concern. “It’s positive.” 

You stared at him, then at the test. It was. 

“I- I’m gonna be a dad,” Suguru’s face cracked into a sincere smile. 

He picked you up and spun you around, planting kisses all over your head and face. 

“And you’re gonna be a mom! To my baby. Our baby. You’re gonna be the best mommy, you're so good with kids.” 

You stayed silent; you were still processing everything that just happened. 

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” he cradled your face gently in his hands. 

You stood frozen, thinking of words to say, but they never made it out of your mouth. Your vision went blurry with water, and the churning feeling you had been trying too hard to suppress returned to your stomach. You gagged, running over to the toilet. 

As you held yourself over the bowl, your body felt like it was trying to expel all of your organs out through your mouth. Suguru leapt to your side and held your hair back as you threw up, rubbing soothing circles into your back. 

“Shhh, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out, this is just one of the best things that’s ever happened.” Suguru cooed. 

You took a deep breath and wiped any stray vomit from your lips with the back of your hand. 

As you hurled your guts out, you felt his large, warm hand, rubbing circles on the small of your back. The other of his hands went to hold your hair out of your face. 

You stayed like that for about an hour, just sitting there, pondering your impending motherhood. 

Mother. 

You were going to be a mother. 

It simultaneously freaked you out and surprised you. Suguru, the person you loved most in this world, actually got you pregnant. Of course he did. He always stuck to his word.

When that man was committed to something, he was going to have it. He was possessive, territorial even. That made him all the more dangerous, but it wasn’t him you were afraid of or for. You were afraid for the rest of the world. 

I’d end the world for you. 

His promise echoed in the back of your mind. 

“Sweetheart, it is going to be okay. I think I may have gotten too overexcited and freaked you out. You don’t have to keep it if you don’t want to, I’m here for whatever you need. But, thank you. Thank you for this precious gift.” 

It was a gift that forever linked the two of you together. 

… 

September 2007

You found her waiting on a bench in the center of Shinjuku, trying to find something in her pockets, probably a lighter for her cigarette. 

“Hey, need a light?” Suguru asked, offering out a lighter. 

“Hi,” you waved shyly. 

“If it isn’t the criminals, trolling girls who smoke?” Shoko replied

“Just testing our luck I guess, '' Suguru joked. 

“Mmhmm, well, I’ll go ahead and ask. Any chance the charges are fake?” 

“No, unfortunately not

“Then I’ll ask another question, why?” 

“To create a world of only Jujutsu Sorcerers,” 

“We don’t want anymore of our comrades to die,” you doubled down on Suguru’s point. 

“Ha, that doesn’t make sense, but whatever,” Shoko said, picking up her phone and dialing a number. Someone on the other line answered. 

“Hey, Gojo? 

Yeah, found ‘em. 

Shinjuku. 

No way, I don’t wanna get killed.” She said before quickly hanging up.

“Do you have the thing we talked about?” Suguru asked before walking towards the area his best friend was said to be.

“Yes, I’ve got her,” Shoko looked into his eyes, 

“Okay, I love you,” Suguru said, placing a kiss on your forehead and walking off. 

Shoko put her cigarette out. 

“Shoko I’m okay, just, um, okay how do I put this…” 

“Dude, spit it out, you're scaring me.” 

“I’m pregnant.” you blurted out. 

“Shit.” the mousy brunette replied. 

 “No, it’s okay, really, I’m happy, we’re happy, just…scared - ” 

“Did you not use protection? You of all people? The mom friend? Well, now, I guess literal mom friend,” Shoko put her hands in her hair, scrunching it out of stress, “And you’re a fugitive! Both you and Geto have been sentenced to death by the elders. Jesus Christ Y/N, how the fuck are you going to raise a child as a fucking criminal.” 

“I’m sorry Shoko, I-I couldn’t,” your last word was muffled by the huge lump in your throat. You knew Shoko of all people would rip you a new one, but you didn’t expect it to hurt this much. Tears clouded your vision, and you were sobbing so violently, that you started to choke on the snot and water running down your face. People were staring. 

“Woah, dude. Shhh, it’s okay, I’m here now,” Shoko reached down to wipe some of the snot off of your face with the sleeve of her uniform. “Come on, let’s go get you cleaned up, I have some supplies that I brought in my bag.” 

Shoko grabbed your hand and led you into the nearby metro station. You rushed past the crowds of people, until you made your way into the gate. Shoko kept leading you further underground until you reached a room that was sectioned off for mothers and infants. 

“Get inside, we shouldn’t be bothered in here for a while,” Shoko stated, her tone gentle. You walked in, and she locked the door behind you. 

The room was small, but cozy. There was an infant changing table to the right, and to the left, there was a small blue couch with a table next to it. There were a few blankets packaged in sanitary wrappers laying on the side of the couch, and the room was decorated with pastel flowers all around. You felt completely safe for the first time in a while. 

“Sit,” Shoko commanded. You complied and took a seat on the couch. 

“I got one of those portable ultrasound things from the infirmary. I don’t know why we have these things but, hey, it’s coming in handy.” 

“How did you know to bring an ultrasound kit with you?” you asked suspiciously. 

“Oh, Geto told me to bring one. So, I kind of already figured you were pregnant, or you had some kind of internal bleeding. But with the way he was being so secretive, I figured the former.” Shoko replied, fiddling with the machine. It looked like a tiny foldable computer, the probe attached to a wire that fed into the screen. 

She KNEW???

“If you knew, then why the fuck did you make me say it out loud?” you demanded. 

“Because I needed to be sure this wasn’t a trick or something to kill me,” she shot back, “If ya didn’t know, your boyfriend -” 

“Fiancé -” 

“Fiancé, whatever, killed an entire village of people.” 

“I know, but he did what he had to do. We’re trying to make the world a better place, a place without curses, so you don’t have to keep seeing people die.” You refuted. 

“I’m not talking to you about this right now, I’m here to make sure you and the fetus inside of you are okay. You chose your path, and I chose mine. I’m not trying to change your mind, what’s done is done. I don’t support what you two did, but you’re still my best friend. I’m here for you,” Shoko finished and scooched on the couch to give you a hug. You were crying again, fat tears streaming down your cheeks. 

After five minutes, you two finally parted, and Shoko reached into her bag to produce some supplies. She pulled out sanitizer, a bottle of gel, a pair of gloves, and a little blue cloth. Shoko sanitized her hands, and gave some to you as well. She then put the pair of gloves on and asked you to pull up your shirt to reveal your abdomen. Finally, she tucked the blue cloth into your pants, so that the gel would not get on it. 

“This might feel cold. I also don’t really know if I’m doing this 100% right, so, you should probably find someone with a medical degree and not just reverse curse technique to look at you,” Shoko added, the usual banter reappearing between you two. 

She squeezed some of the cold jelly-like substance on your abdomen. You winced at the uncomfortable feeling. Shoko took the end of the probe and started gently pushing it around on your stomach. After about a minute, something appeared on the little screen. 

Woah. 

That’s your kid. Your and Suguru’s baby. You started crying again. 

You loved them already, and only wished Suguru could have been here to see this. 

“Yeah, there’s a whole-ass kid in there,” Shoko confirmed.

“As opposed to a half-ass kid?” You joked. Shoko laughed. 

Next, Shoko reached into her bag, producing a thick textbook. She turned to a page that was marked by brightly-colored post-it notes. 

“Okay, based on this development textbook, you’re probably about 9 to 10 weeks along. Can you use your technique and give me a blood sample fast?” 

9 to 10 weeks. 

That’s a lot farther along than you thought. 

You took a deep breath. “Okay,” and slowly produced a handful of blood from your palm, dropping it with a PLOP into the test tube Shoko held out for you. 

“I’ll run a test on this once I get back to the infirmary at school, I just wanna check your hGC levels to make sure they’re good. But in the meantime, start taking these,” she produced yet another item from her bag. “They’re prenatal vitamins. Also, I know Geto has to have some connections somewhere with doctors. Have him find one for you. I can check on you once in a while, but not all the time or it will get suspicious. I love you, but I’m also an eighteen-year-old who doesn’t have a medical degree yet. I’ll leave first with Satoru to make sure there aren’t any sorcerers around so that you and Geto can escape. Stay safe and healthy, please,” 

“Safe and healthy, coming from the chainsmoker?” You joked. 

Shoko rolled her eyes as she gave you a final hug, exiting the room, leaving you alone with the bag of medical supplies and textbook. 

… 

Mid January, 2008 

As the months passed, you did not think it possible, yet you fell deeper in love with Suguru. He doted on you and the twins constantly, spoiling you with gifts, having his followers help construct a lavish living space for you in the back of the monastery. Mimiko and Nanako shared a large room, their western-style four poster beds were adorned with silks and all of the stuffed animals they could desire. They had large walk-in closets full of dress-up gowns and expensive designer brands.

“Only the best for my girls,” Suguru would say. 

As for you, he had a beautiful master suite built, the double walk-in closet filled with comfortable, yet elegant, maternity clothing and a California king bed dwarfing the rest of the room. The walls were painted white with navy and gold accents throughout the room. 

When he was not tending to his cult, Suguru also kept you close to him as much as possible. Sometimes, he would even have you sit with him as you both tended to his followers throughout the day, him consuming their curses and you collecting their money. 

Though he saw you as an equal, he was still overly protective and territorial of you now that you were carrying his child. He would sit you down on his lap in front of your followers, his hands caressing your now-evident baby bump, proclaiming to both you and the people in the cult that you were a goddess among mere mortals. When the monastery was empty, sometimes he would just sit and hold you, breathing in your scent. You would sit like that for an hour sometimes, him feeling the baby kick against his large palms, trailing kisses up and down your nape. You would curl yourself up as much as you could to put your ear to his chest, his heartbeat drumming with excitement.  

When you weren’t helping Suguru, you were with the twins. Playing with them, going on walks, teaching them little things about the world that they missed while living in that cursed village. They were really excited to have a new sibling and talked about all of the clothes they would dress the new baby in. You had to remind them, of course, that the baby was not a doll. They also threw out name suggestions, but you had to tell them that unfortunately, “Princess,” and “Hello Kitty,” were not appropriate names to call their soon to be baby sibling. 

At the end of your long days tending to the needs of non-sorcerers that were actually useful to your cause, Suguru would have you both change out of your robes and start to cook dinner while you played with the girls. True, he could have hired someone to cook for your little family, but he wanted to take it upon himself to make sure that you were getting all of the nutrients and rest you and the twins possibly could. 

You somehow succeeded in carving out a nice life for yourself under the harshest of circumstances. Sure, it wasn’t the utopia you and Suguru had always imagined all of those nights back at Jujutsu High, but you had a little family of your own and were working towards a better, safer world. 

… 

After he finished tucking the girls into bed one night, you curled up with Suguru on the couch, your head tucked against his chest, and knees in between his hips, using him as a body pillow. One of his hands was around you and the other was used to cradle his head on the arm of the couch as you both laid there. 

None of your pre-maternity pants fit you anymore, so you threw on a pair of Suguru’s gray sweats and a white t-shirt. You practically lived in his clothes at this point. 

He started rubbing small, gentle circles on your swollen belly, seemingly in awe of your changing body. If you ever got insecure about your stretch marks, or how much weight you gained, he would make you stand in front of the mirror in your shared chambers, kissing every inch of your body. In the shower, he would take the time to wash your hair and help you shave. He wanted to let you know that you weren’t alone. Suguru was right there the whole time. 

You felt a fluttering in your stomach where he was rubbing your belly, and Suguru gasped, breaking the serene silence. 

“Hi, baby,” he whispered to your bump. Joy flashed through his tired eyes as his lips curved into a dopey smile. Then, he leaned up to press sweet, wet kisses into your neck. 

“The most beautiful woman in the world. How did I get so lucky?” Suguru cooed. 

“You’re stunning,” he continued, pulling you into a deep, passionate kiss. 

Since falling pregnant, you were sensitive to the slightest touch. Your fiancé was sensitive to the slightest glance from you. Your sexual appetites had grown increasingly insatiable. 

From his words and kisses, you could feel yourself drenching your underwear. As Suguru’s tongue continued to slither into your mouth, you absentmindedly started grinding against his muscled thigh, the friction feeling delicious on your clit. 

“Ngh- Sugu- p-please touch me. No teasing. Need you,” you moaned. 

“Do you need my fingers? I bet I can take you right now from how soaked you are,” he purred. 

“Don’t care. Want something inside,” you whined. 

“Lemme check you first. Don’t wanna hurt you.” And with that, he felt your soaked, clothed cunt through your pants and underwear. You were so wet, that a dark, sticky patch was starting to form on your sweatpants. You nearly ripped the pants off of you in the midst of your carnal need to have some part of him, any part of him, filling you. 

Suguru got right to work, stripping you of the layers concealing you from him. After a few circles on your clit, he sunk his middle finger into your cunt. There was no resistance; he was able to sink his finger all the way down to his knuckle. So, he added a second finger, which you took just as easily. 

You felt relieved to finally have something for your fluttering hole to suck on, but you needed more. You needed to be stuffed to the brim, completely full of him. 

“Suguru I need you inside,” you gasped, your cunt continuing to clench on his thick fingers. 

“Whatever you want, my love,” he replied, slipping his fingers out. You almost cried at the loss of contact, but you knew you were about to be rewarded tenfold. Suguru pushed his sticky fingers into your mouth as he rearranged the two of you. You licked his fingers clean, and he let out an unrestrained moan at the way you deepthroated his digits. 

Suguru sat you up, and scooted himself against the back of the sofa. He took his length out from his underwear, letting it smack his stomach, the tip weeping precum. Suguru removed his fingers from your mouth and used the remaining spit to cover his cock; a makeshift lube for the two of you. While he stroked himself, you climbed up on his lap and attacked his mouth with fiery, desperate kisses. 

He helped you remove your top, and then shed his remaining clothing articles. When he took your top off, you could tell that Suguru’s thoughts about the day had gone out the window. Suguru always had a fascination with your tits, now even more so that your tits had grown at least 2 cup sizes since pregnancy. He took one of your pert nipples into his mouth, sucking softly and grinding up into your wet heat, letting a grunt rumble through his chest.  

“Love, please,” you cried out, tears threatening to spill down your face.

With your pleading, he helped you to climb on top of him and lined his cock up with your greedy cunt. You slowly sunk down on his dick, feeling every ridge and vein inside of you. You both hissed as he breached your tight hole. 

Finally, you thought. 

Suguru resumed his sucking on your nipple, moaning around your soft mound, sending vibrations through your body. You were so overstimulated and sensitive that you felt like you were about to cum right there and then. 

He could feel that you were close by the death grip you had on his cock. So, he reached one of his large hands down from your waist and found your clit. You sunk your nails into his wide shoulders in response. 

“Give it to me,” Suguru growled on his way to give your other nipple the same treatment. 

The coil in your tummy snapped, the sensations driving you hard into your climax. Suguru moved to nibble on your earlobe, whispering what a good girl you were. 

As you came down from your high, Suguru’s hands moved down to your bump, staring in awe. 

“I told you I love this tummy,” he commented, his large hand splaying across your bellybutton. He pressed his forehead against yours. “I think it’s so beautiful, that your body submitted to mine.” 

“Mr. Geto,” you said with a fake gasp, sarcasm dripping from your voice, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re getting off on my predicament, you pervert.” 

“Touché,” he smirked. “I think it’s hot your body is going through all of these changes, just because of me. You’re mine,” he growled out the last words. 

“I’m yours,” you confirmed. 

“Suguru, I’m tired, I don’t know if I have the energy to ride you like this.” You realized he still hadn’t cum yet, he was probably in pain with the deep arousal he felt. 

“Okay, I’ll carry you to bed and we can finish there,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead and slipped out of you, your juices trailing behind in a sticky string where you were formerly connected 

He then picked you up, bridal style, and started the short walk towards your room. The cool air felt sensitive against your hot pussy and swollen clit, your arousal and cum now rolling in small beads down the back of your thighs. 

He set you on your side on top of your California king mattress, covered in fine fabric sheets. Then, he took one of the large decorative pillows and pushed it in between your knees to allow him easy access to your cunt. This position would also allow some relief to your aching lower back. Suguru knew you loved it when he massaged your back, so he started there, pushing circles into the sore muscle and kissing up your spine. 

His erection rubbed up against the back of your thighs, rendering the both of you delirious. 

When you both couldn’t take it anymore, he finally slipped into your warm, wet heat again. 

“How would you like me to fuck you, love?” Suguru questioned. 

“Slow and deep. Wanna feel all of you,” you drooled.

“Mmm, sounds perfect,” he responded, pressing wet kisses into your neck. With that, Suguru started a long, deep thrust into the depths of your pussy. You felt every part of him; every ridge, every vein. You made a sound that you didn’t even know could come out of you. 

Suguru picked up the pace a little bit, leaving little whimpers and groans in your ear as he rutted into you. Suguru was usually pretty reserved during sex, but he recently started to be more vocal for you. It spurred you on even more, made you even more aroused, which felt impossible at this point. 

“I love it when you whimper-nGHH,” you moaned, as Suguru punctuated the end of your sentence with a particularly harsh thrust. The sex started to feel desperate, animalistic almost. Suguru felt something primal within him snap. He needed to fill you, to stuff you so full, he would watch his cum leak out of your pussy. 

“Suugguuhh-“ you felt your second orgasm of the night closing in on you. 

“Cum with me, doll, lemme fill you, ngh, u-up,” he grunted, moving a hand down to toy with your clit. “You look s-so good, full of me. Ngh- your tummy all round, tits all plump, making milk for my m-my baby,”

For some reason, that sent you over the edge, clamping down on his cock and coming hard. Your cunt sucked him in with a firm grip, and you could feel that he was close too. As he continued to fuck you through your climax, his heavy balls slapped once more against your thighs, and he came with a gasp, a series of, “I love you’s” and “Thank you’s” flooding from his mouth. 

He fucked himself through his orgasm, and finally collapsed into the mattress. After a few minutes, Suguru pulled out, watching in awe as his release dripped out of your hole. His fingers traveled down to the mess the two of you made and swiped his pointer and middle fingers through your folds. 

“I probably sound like a broken record, but I don’t know what I did in my past life to deserve you,” he said, kissing the top of your head, moving both of his hands to rest on your bump again. 

“C'mon, let’s clean you up, doll,” he said, trying to drag you out of bed. But you were already fast asleep. 

Suguru smiled to himself, running to the bathroom to get some warm compresses and clean towels. When he finished cleaning you up as best he could, he made his way to his closet, where he fetched his favorite graphic t-shirt. He handled you with more care than he would a butterfly or a flower as he dressed you, and headed to the bathroom to clean himself up. 

After he deemed himself decent enough, Suguru walked over to your sleeping form and bent down to the level where your belly was. He criss crossed his hands and rested his chin on them. 

“I love you and your mommy so much, little one. You’re so loved already,” he whispered, reaching one of his hands towards your belly. 

Suddenly, he felt a small fluttering beneath his hand. Suguru smiled, his eyes alive with pride and wonder.

… 

The next morning, you awoke to the smell of something delicious. 

And four little feet running across the floor.

“Shhh, Nanako, you’re gonna wake up Kamo-san,” Mimiko warned her sister. 

“It’s okay girls, I’m already up,” you sighed, yawning. “You girls sleep good?” 

“Yeah. Can we get crepes today?” Nanako asked, changing topics rather quickly. 

“It depends on what time me and Suguru get done at the monastery, but there should be enough time. The baby has been craving some chocolate,” you chuckled.

“I have a new name for the baby,” Mimiko declared, starting to climb on your bed.

“Oh, yeah? What?” You scoop her up and bring her into your lap somewhat successfully. 

“Peach. Like the princess,” Mimiko said, matter of factly. She looked down right proud of herself. 

“Mimiko, that’s a fruit. I think it should be Sparkles,” Nanako responded back to her sister. 

“Well, we’ll have time to think about what the baby’s name should be, but for right now…I think we should eat some breakfast and see who can get dressed the fastest,” 

“Geto-san made some breakfast,” Mimiko stated. 

“And I helped,” Nanako exclaimed, attempting to have her voice heard in the conversation.

“I helped too,” Mimiko scolded with jealousy. 

“Why don’t you girls go help set the table too and I’ll be there in a minute,” you said, pressing kisses to their foreheads. 

“Fineee,” Mimiko rolled her eyes playfully. 

You freshened up, brushing your teeth and wrapping your body in a luxurious silk robe Suguru had purchased for you. 

As you made your way down the long corridor and into the kitchen, you could hear the sizzle of something cooking. You turned the corner to find Suguru, shirtless, standing over the stove of your enormous kitchen. You decide to sneak up on him, letting your finger creep around his waist as you pulled him back into a hug. You couldn’t press yourself flush against him, as your stomach got in the way. 

“There’s my girl,” Suguru cooed. 

“You’re making breakfast?” You beamed with tears in your eyes at the stack of American-style pancakes next to the stove. For some reason, this small gesture was making you really emotional. 

“Of course, baby. I let the chef take off this morning to spend some time with my beautiful girls before I have to head over,” he replied, snaking his arm back to grab on to yours and place a kiss on your palm.

It was so domestic. It was so normal. 

“Okay, order’s up. Mimi, Nana, will you help me put these on the table?” Suguru asked.

“Yes Geto-san,” Mimiko sang as she skipped towards the tower of the fluffy, golden deliciousness. 

“Thank you, sweetie,” Suguru whispered, giving her hair a ruffle. 

…

After the pancakes were eaten, and the syrup had ended up on the faces of the twins and Suguru, you pried the girls out of their seats to get dressed for the day. You and Suguru headed back to your quarters to change into your robes. 

As you let the luscious silk fabric cascade off of your body as down to the floor of your shared closet space, you felt the presence of your fiancé behind you. 

“Hi,” he smirked into your shoulder, starting to press kisses up your neck. 

“Hi,” you whispered back. 

One of his large hands reached down to your bump, caressing it with the lightest of touches. 

“Can I listen to her?” He asked like a giddy child. 

“My love, you never have to ask, you’re always welcome to,” you beam as he excitedly makes his way towards your protruding bump. “Baby’s been hanging out towards the bottom today if you want to feel them move,” you added. 

“Hi baby girl, this is your da-” 

“Baby girl? What makes you think the baby's a girl?”

“What makes you think she’s not?” he quipped, his usual banter-like tone making you giggle. 

“As a wise man once said to me; touché.” The two of you fell into a comfortable silence, soaking in each other’s presence. After all, slow moments like this would be rare when the baby arrived. 

Your peace was disrupted by a loud knock at the door. 

“Geto-sama, Kamo-san, there is someone here to see you, he says it is urgent” you heard Suguru’s assistant shout through the door. 

“Tell whoever it is that they have no right to request my presence. I will meet with them when I am in my proper attire,” Suguru snapped. 

“Of course, master. It’s just… this kid…” 

“No exceptions, I don’t care if it’s Satoru fucking Gojo himself, whoever it is can wait,” Suguru pressed, getting annoyed now. 

“Yes, of course, I wi-AHHHHHH,” a blood curdling scream erupted from the other side of the door, followed by a loud thump. 

Sensing danger, Suguru leapt into action, putting himself in front of you and summoning a curse. “Who’s. There,” he demanded. 

Blood started to leak under the door and into the marble tiles of your room. 

Suddenly, the door flew open to reveal the collapsed assistant on the floor, covered in her own blood. Next to the body, there was the figure of a small boy drenched in the scarlet substance. 

“Noritoshi?” you questioned, tears filling your eyes.

…

END OF PART I

dividers by @bunnysrph

[franklinfinley]

Hey! I'm Franklin, he/they. First year student at Naranja Academy, but I've been through several Gym Circuts for 7 years at this point. The school year's just started, but things are already looking up! I'm a ghost and fire type specialist, as well as a general Drowzee/Hypno specialist LOL

MY CURRENT TEAM:

Koraidon: a strange form of Cyclizar given to me by my friend Arven, originally owned by his mother Professor Sada. He doesn't battle, morseso acts as a riding mount and food-stealer >:P

Lullay: my service Hypno and first partner Pokemon. We've been a duo for 14 years now! She doesn't primarily battle, she mostly helps with my anxiety and insomnia. She steps up for defense if we need it, though.

Tabasco: my Skeledirge and chosen starter for Naranja Academy! He's a little scrapper and eager to prove himself in a fight, and just as eager to sit back, sing his little songs, and eat all my oranges. Little orange heathen even as he grows up

Sparky: my Luxray! He's a bundle of energy and a reckless battler. He loves nothing more than getting to flaunt his stuff and also wail and cry and flail his fists on the ground when he loses

Sushi: my Curly Tatsugiri, and an odd quiet fellow. He likes splashing water on the other teammates for funny pranks and curling up in my collar or hair. That being said, he is a FIERCE battler. Honestly kinda scary with what he can pull off from such a tiny body...

Arthur: my Beartic! He's very polite with me and the team, but fierce when it comes to defense. It might take a while for him to warm up to any of my friends...

Strawberry Lemonade: my shiny Amped-Up Toxtricity, who i rescued from the wild as a Shadow variant. She's clingy and packs a MEGA punch, currently working through a bit of trauma regarding an awful ex-trainer. She's getting better every day :D

Montez: my Garchomp, and just what you'd expect from such a feared creature. She's the meanest of the group and always first to volunteer for a fight. She swings hard and fights to kill. I'm currently working to make her more tame and willing to be calm.

Things at Naranja are going great! My friend Nemona has shown me all the ropes, and I feel like I'm gonna have a good few years here. This might just be my Yelling About Things blog. So if you're into that thing feel free to tag along!

[OOC UNDER CUT]

Heallo this is the in character blog i have for my self insert!! I follow from my main @yatgb

Be prepared for Main Character And Mary Sue Shenanigans, and dont be afraid to ask abt stuff he mentions in posts!! I plan to have this going as a whole thing with arcs and all that, basically going through all of scarvi's plot, including DLC down the line. This WAS gonna be an art-based askblog but i dont rlly have the time for one of those :( but ill be posting story snippets later down the lind!

Pelipper Mail is on as long as its something small, he wont accept like new pokemon or money or anything. Think like what youd get from a mystery gift :D Magic Anons are off!

Also, dont take everything Franklin says at face-value. He's got a loong history, and some secrets to hide. There's a chance he could be lying about some stuff ',:) expect a well meaning but unreliable narrator

That being said, I like to do my own worldbuilding so whenever he goes into biology details dont look too hard into it. We're havin fun here. I also don't plan on doing any multiverse shenanigans. This is a self contained story about an oc thats very dear to me :D so just go with the flow. I might interact with other blogs as long as its feasible they could on Rotomblr connected through a multiverse.

Other character interaction is encouraged, as well has sentient pokemon except Legendaries! He has his own lore with a lot of legends it would be a little wack

Here's what he looks like! With Lullay!

[badaziraphaletakes]

This may be a bad place to ask this question, but I have a bad headache and feel like making poor choices.

If some fans who have posited this turn out to be right-I will not feel surprised or that the story choice was unfounded or unearned- but at the moment I'm of the personal opinion that Aziraphale really did like the idea of going back to Heaven to fix it from the inside with Crowley and that his face at the end is a mixture of sadness about breaking up with Crowley and alarm at what Metatron has just revealed about the second coming.

If we take the story at face value-I am struggling to see why this would engender quite so much hatred of Aziraphale. In taking the narrative at face value as I am currently doing- I see a being desperate for approval and acceptance in an abusive system that they've believed in their whole lives and breaking out of that is really really difficult and sometimes there are setbacks. I guess one of the emotions I feel for Aziraphale right now is pity.

Given some recent blog posts of your's on my dash, I think there might be something I'm missing though?

This may be a bad place to ask this question, but I have a bad headache and feel like making poor choices.

Hi! Thanks for reaching out! It’s not a poor choice! We definitely want to keep these lines of dialogue open :) We try our best to be respectful when engaging in discussions like these! After all, our goal is to promote a more respectful and inclusive fandom.

If some fans who have posited this turn out to be right-I will not feel surprised or that the story choice was unfounded or unearned- but at the moment I'm of the personal opinion that Aziraphale really did like the idea of going back to Heaven to fix it from the inside with Crowley and that his face at the end is a mixture of sadness about breaking up with Crowley and alarm at what Metatron has just revealed about the second coming.

It’s certainly possible. I don’t blame him for wanting to believe what the Metatrash said - after all, ever since Crowley fell, Aziraphale has never for one moment imagined that there’s any possible scenario where he and Crowley could be safe together, so no wonder he leapt at the idea of them both being able to be in heaven together (assuming that’s what happened and he wasn’t, idk, bluffing or something - but I’m not even gonna open that can of worms lol). Also, I don’t personally think it’s wrong of him to want to try to fix heaven from the inside, either. It’s not like he has any other choice, after all.

I am struggling to see why this would engender quite so much hatred of Aziraphale. Us too! :)

In taking the narrative at face value as I am currently doing Fwiw, I don’t think anyone is or isn’t taking the FF “at face value”. It’s very clear there’s a lot of the FF we didn’t see and a lot of things about it that were deliberately meant to be confusing. It makes sense that some people think Aziraphale was happy at the idea of Crowley going back to heaven and some people don’t and some people think Crowley stopped time and some people don’t and some people think the whole thing was planned and some people think Aziraphale had a bullet in his mouth and some don’t, lol! :)

I see a being desperate for approval and acceptance in an ab*sive system that they've believed in their whole lives That’s definitely one possible explanation and if that is what was going on in Azi’s brain, that’s FINE and NOBODY has the right to condemn him for it.

But here’s the thing: We saw that Metatrash could hear what was being said in the bookshop and that Aziraphale knew that.

Given that, it’s a very safe bet that the conversation was very different because Aziraphale knew he was listening.

(We also have the extremely unsubtle “coffee or death” metaphor and we saw that Metatrash tapped the Coffee or Death logo which just happened to be facing toward Aziraphale and that Aziraphale saw him do it. Metatrash was holding a gun to his head.)

Is it possible that Aziraphale wants Metatrash’s/heaven’s approval and acceptance / still believes in him to some extent? Sure. HOWEVER. We should never assume victims believe the things their ab*sers force them to say. As a survivor, I can attest that that assumption is exceptionally painful and burdensome for victims to have to live with and multiplies the psychological harm. (And sadly, the assumption is rampant in our culture. There have been studies that show that people think victims in hostage videos who read statements prepared by their kidnappers with a gun held to their head actually believe the things they’re being forced to say. It’s deeply troubling. Not saying this is what you’re doing just to be clear lol!)

Victims get into this horrible mental pretzel of thinking that they’re as bad as their ab*ser and must secretly like and/or deserve and/or "cause" the ab*se, and so on, yada yada yada. It plays into the ab*ser's goals of causing alienation from friends and loved ones so that the victim has to depend completely on them for physical and emotional reasons, and of eroding the victim's sense of self, by making them think they're a bad person. (E.g. Victim thinks "I must be a bad person, because if I were a good person, I wouldn't have let [ab*ser's name] make me say that my friend is fat" etc etc). It’s really one of the most depressing aspects of ab*se.

Given that, I think practicing giving Aziraphale (or whatever character) the benefit of the doubt and defaulting to the interpretation of his motives that attributes as much influence as possible to the literal gun to his head lol (i.e. he’s going back to heaven because he doesn’t have a choice and needs to do it to protect Crowley, slash also to save the world, because, let’s face it, it’s not like they have any other options; they were only able to interfere with Armageddon in S1 because Crowley’s official position working for hell gave him an in) is good for us to get into the habit of, so we can make sure we extend the same respect and dignity to real-life victims/survivors. (At this blog we are HUGE believers in the idea that the way we behave toward characters informs the way we behave toward real-life people, and also reflects it).

and breaking out of that is really really difficult and sometimes there are setbacks.

Absolutely. The physical setbacks (i.e. “my ab*ser will kill me if I leave” &c &c) are far too often underattributed, however, with far too much of victims’ motivations for staying being put down to “psychological confusion” or “emotional ties” or whatever. I wish we as a society would pay more attention to how to solve the problem of ab*sers committing ab*se in the first place, and then why they are so much more likely to kill their victims if they try to leave, rather than the question of why some victims are still in love with their ab*sers and so on and so forth. Because that is the only way we'll ever find a solution. Whether you’d want to stay with the ab*ser even if you had the choice to leave is completely irrelevant when you can’t leave because they’d kill you if you did.

I guess one of the emotions I feel for Aziraphale right now is pity.

Us too!

Given some recent blog posts of your's on my dash, I think there might be something I'm missing though?

Hope this helped! :) Again, thank you for a very thoughtful ask! It gave me an opportunity to revisit some points that I think bear re-iterating frequently on the blog anyway, so I appreciate that!

[thenightfolknetwork]

I have been debating if this is the place to ask for advice, but I need help with a problem.

For context, I’m a recent graduate from uni and gotten a decent paying job and currently renting a flat with a roommate. I still keep in regular contact with my parents and make a point to go to them or they visit for Fridays supper. My issue is my dad scaring off partners I have.

For context, me and my mum are Homo sapiens (which did make me wonder if I should message here) but my dad is a giant.

Now, I never had an issue with it and I’m fairly open about that with friends and some co-workers when they see the photo I have at home, though most ask if he still has the “I’m the dad that stepped up shirt” (he does) more than him being a giant.

The issue is recently whenever I invite a partner over to meet my parents, my dad always scares them off with things like casually showing his sharp teeth or how ‘fragile’ said partner is to him.

Now I know my dad isn’t a violent man, but that’s little comfort to my partners.

Everytime me or my mum tell him to stop, he just says “I just want the best for my little girl” and “if they ran off, they weren’t right in the first place”. Which only makes me think he still sees me as a child, not helped at times when he picks me up like when I was in primary.

It’s frustrating as it does feel like I’m trying to argue with a brick wall. Is there any advice to help out?

I'm very glad you decided to write in, listener. The advice given on this blog, and indeed on our radio programme, is intended for anyone struggling with issues related to the liminal world.

Not only does that not preclude sapios like yourself from writing in, but in fact, intergenus relationships and how we interact with others unlike ourselves are among the most common sort of question we receive.

So, to your question. I think you're right that your dad's behaviour is more in line with an outdated view of you as “his little girl”. Many parents find it difficult to navigate the transition from taking care of their children as children, and taking care of them as autonomous adults.

The issue isn't that he wants to help keep you safe. It's that his specific behaviour in this case is inappropriate.

There are three points at which you can address this behaviour: before, during, and after. When you are planning to bring a new partner home, find some time to speak to your dad one-on-one and tell him about your concerns.

Avoid making accusations here. Tell him that you're excited to bring your new partner to meet your family, but you're concerned that they might not be made to feel welcome. Let him know that you understand that he loves you and wants the best for you, but that his behaviour is actively upsetting you.

You can also discuss with your partner and your mother about how you are all going to react if your dad does indulge in this bad behaviour during the meal itself.

During the dinner itself is no time to launch into an in-depth, emotional conversation. Your dad will be in no mood to listen, and there's a risk he'll feel pushed into a corner and react poorly.

Instead, you, your mother and your partner should react to his behaviour as you would to anyone being unnecessarily rude in public. Stay calm, and give him a moment to correct himself – preferably a good, chilly moment. If he doesn't take the opportunity to smooth this over, ask him outright, “Do you know how that comes across?”

With any luck, he'll catch on and apologise. If he doesn't gloss over the moment with all the awkwardness you can muster. If he tries to defend himself, change the subject. Don't worry about making him feel uncomfortable – discomfort can be extremely educational.

After the meal, leave it a little while before bringing it up. I'm not advocating you give your dad the cold shoulder. If you would usually communicate in this time period, by all means, do so. But don't launch into the conversation all at once.

When you do bring it up, again, you want to remain calm and communicate clearly. You know your dad loves you, and wants the best for you. You want him to be part of your life and that means spending time with your partners. But his behaviour is making that difficult. Hopefully, this will be enough to convince your dad that he would do a better job of looking after you if he stopped throwing his weight around.

At the end of the day, though, you can only control your own choices, not his. If he insists on carrying on in this way, take steps to limit the possible damage he can do. Instead of introducing him to your partners early on in the relationship, wait a while. Concentrate on getting to know your new partner, and strengthening your bond with one another.

Then, when the time comes to introduce them to your family, you can rest easy in the knowledge that your dad can show his teeth and flex his muscles all he wants. The only thing he's going to achieve is making himself look ridiculous.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[neowinestainedress]

© neowinestaindress; all rights reserved. do NOT repost, modify, or translate any work from this blog on any other platform and claim it as yours. you can find my works on ao3 (neowinestaindress) and wattpad (winestaintedress_; currently inactive).

LONG FICS

amami ancora ; 12k — bodyguard au  [s] [f] [a] (can be read as a stand-alone, since initially it wasn't supposed to have more parts) —Jaehyun knew he wasn’t supposed to fall for the Princess. It was supposed to be just sex and their affair was already dead on the vine given their social rankings. But he lost control and fell down the rabbit hole. Loving her was tiring, soul-draining, but it was also addicting, and he couldn’t stop coming back to her, wanting more and more. But nothing lasts forever, and the only things he had to hold on to were phantoms of a story that seemed like a lucid dream. 

ya’aburnee ; 22k — part two of amami ancora [s] [f] [a]   —  not every love story is all fun and games. Some are hard, star-crossed, damned to the point they might get stained with blood. For some loves, you have to fight ten times harder, risk a bigger price and put your heart on the line. Sometimes waiting for the Prince to come and save you is not what’s written in your destiny. Scarlett wanted to be saved, but not by a Prince, by a bodyguard that vanished in that far morning of late March. So she had to take the matter in her hand and hope to make it out alive. Pray that all of them were going to make it out alive.

forever is the sweetest con ; 21k — part three of amami ancora [s] [f] — after the storm always comes the rainbow. And finally, after eight months, Jaehyun and Scarlett can live their life with fewer fears creeping in their bones and with the consciousness that nothing and nobody can take their little paradise away from them. So they decided to take some days off to make up for all the wasted time, filling their hearts with sweet and cherished moments with each other and Eunbi, that somehow always know how to surprise them. 

our gentle sin ; 51k — final part of amami ancora [s] [f] — an unexpected meeting leads to an unexpected proposal. It takes just one decision to change forever the ending of their story. Can they grasp both love and power, or will they lose everything they fought hard to get? Will they rise from the ashes of their past like a phoenix, or will they stain their reputation with sin even more?

under summer sky ; 10k — poly johnjaetaeyu [s] — a stressful week of work leads johnny, yuta, taeyong and their girlfriend to have some fun. But Jaehyun doesn’t like to be left out at all, especially when he had been working all day, so when he finds out what happened a hot night of passion takes place under the summer sky of London. 

wrapped in red ; 15k — poly johnjaetaeyu ficmas [s] [f] — Johnny and Jaehyun have been far from home for a month now. And the distance starts to feel unbearable when they announce to the others that they won’t make it home before Christmas Eve. But little do they know that to make up for the lost time, a lot of unexpected gifts are waiting for them at home. They’re probably not going to make them end up on the good list, but they’re surely going to give them a good time. 

la dolce vita ; 16k — poly johnjaetaeyu sub!jaehyun [s] [f] — Jaehyun had a plan; a romantic night together during their romantic summer trip to Procida… but the night took a wild, unexpected, turn. Or where Jade’s dream finally comes true.

I knew you were trouble ; 27k — part of the “loving him was red” series — falling into the trap of the wolf is easy when you’re naive and heartbroken, when you only want to be wanted and loved. She knew how sneaky that path was, she knew she shouldn’t have followed him that night and kept living her boring life. But emotions get people’s heads and make them feel lightweight, and Jaehyun made her fly so high she never wanted to come back down. Unfortunately, every prize comes with a price, players stay players, and you’ll be nothing but a notch in their belt for them.

rock, paper, scissors ; 11k — johnjaenomin fivesome [s] — five friends rent a house together for a few weeks to enjoy summer like they used to do when they were younger, thinking that nothing could change their friendship. But teasing leads to pent-up tension and tension leads to problems. Problems that can’t be fixed by playing ‘rock, paper, scissors’ like when they were young.

can you handle it? ; 12k — johnjaenomin fivesome part 2 [s] — Johnny drags her wildest fantasies out of her mouth, or to be more precise, out of her phone. But can she handle it?

into the woods ; 11k — inferno event | werewolves (feat kun, johnny, jeno, yangyang) [s]  — ‘don’t go in the woods, past the first two rows of trees.’ It’s a simple rule, planted in every kid’s mind in the village since they are born. Nobody knows why, but nobody dares to question why. But pride leads to do dangerous things and what’s supposed to be a silly bet to prove something, gets you lost a bit too far into the scary forest. And those who seem to be polite strangers turn out to be something they’re not.

sweet deception ; 19k — inferno event | x reader | various monsters, multiple members [s] — on Halloween, nothing is as it seems. You end up in a room with six guys thinking they have amazing costumes only to be struck by reality when it’s too late; those are not costumes at all. But remember, on October 31, nothing is as it seems.

any time, any place ; 9k — poly johnjaetaeyu smutmas | free use [s] — the hectic rhythm before the holidays is stressful, but nothing that a lot of sex can’t fix.

for your eyes only ; 6k — poly johnjaetaeyu smutmas | cross-dressing [s] — jaehyun doesn't know it yet, but he looks really pretty in pink.

do you want to play a game, detective? ; 10k — ghostface/scream!au [s] — in these past months your only goal is to find the killer that is terrorizing the town of Woodsboro, but when you get close to him and feel like you finally have the upper hand, Ghostface turns the game around again. Or, Ghostface wants to play with you but not like he does with his victims, and you let him.

SERIES

all’s well that ends well to end up with you (you don't need to read this to read the other poly johnjaetaeyou one shots) marigold ; 17k — jaehyun [s] [f] [a] — their relationship feels like an eternal battle. the more they try to push each other away, the more they are drawn back together. it’s like being on a carousel that never stops and keeps going up and down. they can’t make it stop. but the worst is that they don’t want to make it stop.  ixora , 27k — jaehyun + johnny [s] [f] [a] — it was supposed to be just a fun night together. It was never supposed to end like this. daffodil ; 33k — jaehyun + johnny + taeyong [s] [f] [a] — sometimes it takes a miracle to bring light into somebody’s life, but other times it only takes three amazing strangers to show that love is not as terrifying as it seems and that somewhere on earth there’s a place to call home. And surprisingly, home can be found in the arms of the people you never expected to fall in love with. anemone ; 39k — jaehyun + johnny + taeyong + yuta [s] [f] [a] — good things start coming, new starts, new possibilities, and it looks like the sun never shined so much in the sky. But the sun sets even in paradise. tulip ; 65k  — jaehyun + johnny + taeyong + yuta [s] [f] [a] — putting back what’s broken is not easy, but with time, love and patience, you can mend the wounds, and find out that no night is too dark if you have your stars shining on you. After everything, all’s well that ends well. 

DRABBLES

₊‧.°.⋆˚₊‧⋆. fireplace ashes ₊‧.°.⋆˚₊‧⋆.

BLURBS / HARD HOURS

₊‧.°.⋆˚₊‧⋆. fireplace ashes ₊‧.°.⋆˚₊‧⋆.

[kraefishh]

figured i'd post mine and my friends wols on main for the time being while im still stockpiling stuff for when i eventually make that side blog for em

basic stuff is - 1) there's more than one wol 2) by more than one i mean there are seven of them 3) each one/two of them are designated for a specific expansion 4) i have so much stuff planned for them all and have not even finished stormblood (please help me)

also im putting them under a cut so the post isnt naturally extremely fucking long

SO WE'LL START IN ORDER!!!!

Alidae Mendica -- ARR WoL. only one without a "traditional" name convention. SMN/MCH/GNB. bloody banquet happened and she got to ishgard and went "NOPE. I'M DONE." and goes and spends most of her time at the skysteel manufactory with garlond ironworks.

i love her very much she was the first i made. i nearly played an elezen but then really wanted to be small. so after finishing the opening cutscene i restarted and well!! shes here!! shes ready to kick some ass!!!

T'lyr Kho -- 1/2 Heavensward WoLs. is half miqo half garlean, possesses the third eye as well (hence the shaggy hair+forehead coverings). PLD/DRG/DRK/SGE. is never doing well at any given moment. he is (not) coping.

he's the one who made me spiral and make 3 more characters. i love him so so dearly.

Touya Kawa (@twisted-solace's wol) -- the other Heavensward WoL. WAR/DRG/RPR. the most shy and well spoken but will not hesitate to cleave you. works himself to death (quite nearly literally!).

i wish i had more to say about him other than he is very silly. him and t'lyr picked up lancer as a bonding experience and then got roped into dragoon lore (whoopsie!!)

Koren Cadoret -- 1/2 Stormblood WoLs. has 1v1'd Zenos too many times to count. very very protective of his sister and friends. MNK/SAM (plus blue mage and soon to be viper!!).

I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM!!!! punch first ask questions later. wants to be everyone's friend. separation anxiety got his ass in shadowbringers cause he was the last wol to be summoned to the first.

Raana Cadoret -- the other Stormblood WoL. took her brother and left her village the moment she was declared to be the next matriarch. DNC/AST/RDM. likes to give koren shit about his poor decisions.

she makes me go :) !!!!! we really cant decide if she picks up astrologian on the first or if she does it beforehand.

Sthallona Dhemskyltwyn -- 1.0 WoL and also Shadowbringers at the same time?? shes going through it. WHM/BLM. grew up the daughter of a famous pirate. Thancred's childhood best friend.

feigned death after the calamity until she gets pulled to the first and is like "AH SHIT. HERE WE GO AGAIN." she gives me perhaps the most brainworms.

AND FINALLY

Sarangerel Malqir (@trying_to_cosplay on insta's wol) -- Endwalker WoL while also being a whole can of worms by herself. was her universe's only WoL before shit collided in shadowbringers and she met everyone else

the love of my life-- ahem. currently only Warrior canonically because my friend is not even halfway through ARR. very much younger sibling energy to the rest of the scions/wols.

last notes - 1) t'lyr and touya are gay (lovingly referred to as 'the boyfs' by me and @twisted-solace) touya nearly fucking dies for t'lyr and t'lyr proceeds to go oh wait fuck i dont want to lose you. normal shit for their line of work. 2) koren canonically says "you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid" to zenos. and zenos proceeds to get very confused. zenos isnt even who he ends up with koren just likes fucking with him. 3) raana went through 4 different wol/npc ship ideas before we finally landed on hien. that was hell. 4) alidae and cid are best friends!! stamp of approval right here!!! alidae also hates nero's guts. 5) if biggs and wedge (who i lovingly refer to as the 'lab boys') are around, alidae is not far behind. 6) alidae was named before i realized there was a character named alisaie. this is canonically a struggle for everyone. 7) sthallona swam her ass to sharlayan upon realizing that thancred had been taken under louisoix's wing. insert LET ME IN. LET ME IIIIIIN gif here. she wrote a thesis on how to combine conjuring and thaumaturge magic before ever knowing what a red mage was. (she is very stupid but also unnaturally smart). 8) t'lyr can't use magic. point blank. his third eye fucks that up for him. only reason he can be a Sage is because the magitek does it for him. on the bright side he's really good at parkour!!!

anyway if you got down this far thank you for looking at my blorbos. i am working (not very) hard to get that sideblog set up for these weirdos. i appreciate them very much they consume my every waking thought.

[commentaryvorg]

The Great Ace Attorney Final Trial Commentary: Day 3, Part 3

This is an ongoing mini-commentary covering the final trial of The Great Ace Attorney (Resolve) in line-by-line detail. It’s written from a perspective of already knowing the full truth of things, so there will be spoilers for facts that only get revealed later on in the trial. This is not a commentary to read along with one’s first playthrough!

(The commentary will update on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Check this blog to find any other parts currently posted, and if it’s not yet finished, follow to catch future updates!)

Now that we’re below the readmore, I can add that this isn’t quite a commentary for everything going on in the final trial. It’s focused specifically on Kazuma and what’s going on in his head, only covering things which are relevant to him in some way (for the most part). I already had a lot to say about him in a big analysis post over on my main blog – but I have even more to say about him during the trial in even more detail, so here we are!

We’re past the save point, just after Kazuma’s huge emotional breakdown and without any recess for him to have processed and collected his emotions. But of course he managed to pull himself back together in zero time at all, because Kazuma is nothing if not an expert at bottling things up and appearing Completely Fine.

Kazuma:  “You were there at the time. So you must testify! You have an obligation to tell the truth about what really went on!”

Ghh, Kazuma is still so desperate here. He knows that Mikotoba’s testimony is his only remaining chance to prove that things really were fabricated and his father was innocent.

(He’s probably also feeling some kind of way about the realisation that Mikotoba, his guardian, has had an eyewitness account this whole time that could prove his father’s innocence, and he never talked about any of it to Kazuma. If only Mikotoba had told Kazuma the truth of what really happened to his father… or if only Kazuma had found the courage to confront him about it once he received that letter.)

--- Testimony 4 ---

(As a reminder, I’m using different testimony-numbering to the game’s chapter select, because the chapter select bizarrely treats it as if day 2 and day 3 are one continuous day, when they are not. Add two to these numbers to match those in the chapter select.)

Kazuma:  “No indication…? NOTHING to suggest fabrication?!”

Ugh, Kazuma’s so worked up at the fact that Mikotoba didn’t immediately go “yeah it was totally sus”. Of course he wasn’t going to say that! If the fabrication was that obviously apparent, he would have said something ten years ago, Kazuma!

I’m sure nobody in the judiciary watching this is feeling at all suspicious of the fact that the judge starts chuckling evilly at this. Stronghart, please.

Stronghart:  “You claim the inspector confessed just before his death. But that… THAT is the fabrication!” Kazuma:  “No! He freely acknowledged it! I swear he did!” Stronghart:  “Freely? With the tip of a sword at his throat? The man was clearly at his wits’ end.” Kazuma:  “…!” Stronghart:  “The court will give no credence to this ‘confession’ that was uttered in obvious desperation.”

Whoops. Kazuma is beginning to see just how unhelpful of a plan threatening Gregson was. Stronghart isn’t even trying to argue that Kazuma could be making up what he heard, but simply that Gregson’s confession means nothing when it was given under threat. If Kazuma hadn’t been so desperate as to resort to threats, maybe he’d have more of a leg to stand on here!

For the record, I highly doubt that Gregson only confessed because he was desperate and at his wits’ end at all. Based on his demeanour that we see in the flashback, he seemed barely bothered by Kazuma’s threats – perhaps he would have told Kazuma just as much even if a sword hadn’t been pointed at him. But of course, because the court doesn’t have an actual flashback and only has Kazuma’s word on what happened, it’s very easy for those in the courtroom to imagine that Gregson might have been only confessing out of fear and desperation, simply telling Kazuma what he clearly wanted to hear.

Ryunosuke:  “I have the right to cross-examine every witness after testimony. And I fully intend to exercise that right!” Kazuma:  “Ryunosuke…”

Kazuma is so glad that his friend is this determined. Stronghart was about to declare things closed without a cross-examination, but no, Ryunosuke is going to probe into this further, as much as he possibly can, and Kazuma is so, so thankful for that. He really wouldn’t be able to do any of this without Ryunosuke here.

Ryunosuke:  “You, you couldn’t say?” Mikotoba:  “No, sadly not.” Kazuma:  “But then you couldn’t say there wasn’t any indication either, could you?” Mikotoba:  “……… No, true, I couldn’t.”

Kazuma’s comment comes across as so desperate… but really, it’s exactly what Mikotoba was trying to hint at and hoping to have the opportunity to point out! Mikotoba was strictly ordered to avoid any supposition, but thanks to Kazuma’s insistence, we’re able to establish that Mikotoba wasn’t watching the entire procedure and that fabrication was possible!

Stronghart:  “Genshin Asogi confessed to all of his crimes upon his arrest. He admitted to having taken the lives of all five members of the aristocracy.” Kazuma:  “Argh!”

Kazuma does not enjoy being reminded that his father confessed to all the murders. Why on earth would he have done that? His father wouldn’t lie!

(I have no doubt that Kazuma’s particular insistence on never telling a direct lie comes from principles he learned from his father.)

Gorey:  “…but they did find an amazing piece of evidence. Something unbelievable!” […] Kazuma:  “Come on, Dr Gorey! What was it?”

It’s kind of interesting how Kazuma has to desperately demand this piece of information from Maria, because it’s not in the autopsy report. The report we read in the Court Record only states that “vital evidence” was found in the victim’s stomach, and not what it was. No doubt this vagueness was on purpose of Wilson, so that it would be impossible for anyone reading the autopsy report alone to notice what was contradictory about the evidence, if they didn’t know it was a really pointy ring that should have left abrasions on the throat.

Kazuma:  “M-My father’s ring… was inside the victim’s stomach?”

Kazuma reacts in shock to this, perhaps at the fact that this really does seem to indicate the killer must have been his father. Not only does the autopsy report not state specifically what kind of object the vital evidence was, it doesn’t even explain why it implicated Genshin – that it was one of his belongings. Hearing this here, without any time to think through the details and find the contradiction, it must feel to Kazuma like maybe his father really did do it.

Or, perhaps, he’s simply having a visceral reaction to the fact that one of his father’s precious possessions that he remembers from sixteen years ago was found in such a grisly place.

Mikotoba:  “It wasn’t on his hand, of course. Moreover… there were deep abrasions on his finger where it had been pulled off.” Van Zieks: ……… Mikotoba:  “…They arrested the man there and then, right before my eyes.” Kazuma:  “How could they?!”

Oh, Kazuma. It’s really pretty apparent why they would arrest Genshin, under those circumstances! But he’s just having an instinctive reaction to the image of his father being handcuffed and arrested that Mikotoba’s account has conjured into his head. Guhh, this poor kid who adored his father more than anything. How could they do anything bad to him, how dare they.

Van Zieks’s pointed silence here is also interesting. Perhaps it’s there to imply that he’s beginning to consider the possibility of how Genshin’s ring was really pulled off his finger, if things were in fact a fabrication.

Stronghart:  “After further investigations by Scotland Yard, the man admitted to his crimes.” Kazuma:  “That’s a lie! My father was no killer! Barok van Zieks! It was you! You twisted the truth to suit your purposes!”

Hhhh, Kazuma. This bit comes from pressing van Zieks’s one statement in this testimony, but even then, it comes across as pretty uncalled-for that Kazuma goes from hearing again that his father confessed, right into blaming it all on van Zieks, which is several steps away from the point right now. Kazuma just cannot remotely wrap his head around how or why his father would ever have ended up confessing (it can’t be that he actually did it – but he wouldn’t lie, either), so in his inability to resolve that, his mind just reflexively defaults to the usual no it’s all van Zieks’s fault, it has to be.

(It’s fun how Kazuma is fanatically blaming van Zieks as a deflection from the idea that his father might have been the killer. A very similar kind of deflection is also the reason that van Zieks so furiously latched onto blaming Genshin for his brother’s death, so that he didn’t have to consider the far worse alternate possibility.)

I would say it’s notable that Kazuma’s still very much thinking that it’s van Zieks even though it’s now been suggested that it might actually be Stronghart and a part of him earlier seemed to be recognising the logic of that possibility… but then, this particular thought process of his definitely has absolutely zero logic involved.

Props to Maria for insisting on bringing the ring here so that we can see just how pointy it is, despite that she apparently wasn’t supposed to! She is a good, wanting to do better than her mother did.

Ryunosuke:  “That the ring was never in the victim’s stomach to begin with! It’s entirely feasible that Dr Wilson fabricated that detail about the autopsy!” Kazuma:  “What are you saying?! That Dr Wilson…”

It’s remarkable that Kazuma reacts with surprise here. You’d think, being more desperate than anybody else for the autopsy to have been fabricated, that he’d have already been imagining that Dr Wilson did just that with the ring, and so Ryunosuke asserting as much shouldn’t be surprising to him. But instead, it seems like he’s somehow one step behind Ryunosuke. Perhaps he still is caught up on the notion that his father confessed for some reason and the ring was in the victim’s stomach, and these things are making him subconsciously fear that maybe it was all true, such that he isn’t thinking along the lines of how to prove the fabrication like Ryunosuke is.

Ryunosuke:  “This evidence… right here.” Kazuma:  “That’s the autopsy report!”

Again, Kazuma seems one step behind Ryunosuke – like it never occurred to him to think about how he could possibly prove that the ring wasn’t actually swallowed by Klint.

Mikotoba:  “That’s precisely why I had my doubts about the findings myself ten years ago.” Kazuma:  “Then why didn’t you say something at the time?!”

Oh, Kazuma. Why didn’t Mikotoba, his trusted guardian, stop his father being killed if he had the opportunity to do so after all? Of course he would have tried, Kazuma. Genshin was his friend.

Wilson:  “Doctor Mikotoba, may I remind you… that I have vastly more experience than you.” Mikotoba:  “I’m, I’m terribly sorry.” Wilson:  “I can think of plenty of ways to explain why no injuries would be seen.”

Nonetheless, it’s still tragic that Mikotoba didn’t try harder to protest what he knew was suspicious. He could have challenged Wilson to explain those supposed ways it wouldn’t have left an injury! He could even have presented it not as a challenge, but just as an “I’d like to learn more from your expertise” kind of thing! But alas, that Japanese politeness, and perhaps Mikotoba just being kind of meek in personality, led to him lying down and accepting it even though he knew something was off.

(Genshin, meanwhile, was a determined and stubborn enough person that he’d absolutely have questioned this further if he’d been in Mikotoba’s shoes. But then, Genshin being someone who didn’t bow to his superior telling him “shut up, you’re wrong, I know better than you” when things were suspicious is exactly why he ended up confronting Klint himself and sealing his own fate.)

Kazuma:  “So I was right! Dr Wilson deliberately fabricated the results of the autopsy to implicate my father!”

Oh, Kazuma. Despite being one step behind Ryunosuke just now, as soon as he understands what they’re getting at, of course he’s the first one to jump to insisting that this proves his father was framed.

Van Zieks: “…of Genshin Asogi saving my life.” Kazuma:  “What?! My, my father… saved YOUR life?”

Aaa, of course Kazuma can’t believe the notion that his father would do that. Van Zieks is the monster who would go on to kill him! His father saving such a man is backwards!

Or perhaps, the fact that his father apparently considered van Zieks someone worth protecting suggests to Kazuma that maybe he’s not a monster after all, which goes against everything he’s trying to cling to.

Van Zieks proposes the possibility that the thugs who attacked him that night were actually out to steal Genshin’s ring in order to frame him, and…

Kazuma:  “Objection!” [he slams his bench in anguish] Kazuma:  “You… you pathetic coward… You expect me to believe that you weren’t involved?”

On some level here, Kazuma must be beginning to accept that van Zieks can’t have been. If this really was the one chance the conspirators had to frame Genshin by stealing his ring, and it was done through an apparent attack on van Zieks… of course van Zieks himself wouldn’t have been in on that. And it’s clear from the van Zieks here right now that he genuinely only just realised the significance himself. He’s not making this up. It’s not him, and it never was.

But… Kazuma doesn’t know how to deal with that realisation. He’s been clinging to his hatred of van Zieks for so, so long as the only thing keeping him going throughout his grief. What on earth is he supposed to do with all this pain if he can’t hate the man any more?

Kazuma:  “It was you, wasn’t it? You’re the one who took it. You stole my father’s ring!”

He’s saying this, but there’s none of the fierce conviction and vitriol that there’s always been before now. He just looks lost and desperate, and pleading. It has to be van Zieks, doesn’t it? He needs it to still be van Zieks.

Kazuma:  “You set the whole thing up so you could paint him as a mass murderer and have him arrest—”

Kazuma does a finger-point animation here, but something about the way it’s framed – perhaps something to do with the subtle screen flashes and shakes that there always are (or a lack thereof) – makes it feel like there’s absolutely no force in it this time. He’s just emptily going through the motions, not truly believing in it any more, but he doesn’t know what to do if this isn’t the truth.

Ryunosuke:  “Objection! Kazuma… open your eyes.” Kazuma:  “R-Ryunosuke?” Ryunosuke:  “You must know deep down… The truth can be completely obscured even when your judgement is only slightly clouded. But at the moment… you seem to be floundering through a dense fog.” Kazuma:  “…!”

Ryunosuke has of course known all along that Kazuma’s emotions have been clouding his judgement. (Well, to some extent, though he never quite picked up on just how twisted some of his earlier arguments were.) But it looks like he’s able to see here, based on Kazuma’s demeanour, that he might finally be receptive to being told this! Kazuma very much doesn’t seem to truly believe it’s van Zieks any more, so this is the perfect time for Ryunosuke to reach out to him and try to help him see just how misguided he’s being.

Kazuma’s reaction certainly suggests that he’s listening. From anyone else, he might not have – but this is Ryunosuke, the friend he trusts more than anyone.

Ryunosuke:  “Is that why you were so insistent I should be present in this trial? To see you like this?” Kazuma:  “………”

I strongly suspect that the a lot of the real reason Kazuma insisted on Ryunosuke being here was, on a very not-consciously-acknowledged level, precisely for what he’s doing right now! A part of him always knew that he might have been wrong about van Zieks, and in that event, that buried part of him trusted Ryunosuke to be able to see that and prove van Zieks’s innocence to him – to pull Kazuma off this path of vengeance before it was too late. I like to think that Kazuma’s silence here is him finally letting himself consciously acknowledge that this is what he wanted Ryunosuke here to do.

Meanwhile, Stronghart is chuckling evilly, because Kazuma’s obvious over-emotional desperation is making it very easy to argue that he just made the whole fabrication thing up and missed the obvious “contradiction” in it. Said contradiction being: that Genshin didn’t try to contest the fabrication in court and confessed to the crimes willingly.

Stronghart:  “Your twisted loyalty and clouded judgement are hampering your ability for logical thought.” Kazuma:  “Argh!”

Interestingly, this is the part that Kazuma reacts to most strongly – not the reminder that his father quietly accepted the verdict, but the notion that his emotions have been hindering him. Kazuma really does care in principle about being fair and diligent and logical in his approach to cases, and thanks to Ryunosuke’s words, he’s realising just how horribly far from that he’s been in this trial.

Stronghart:  “There was no fabrication of evidence during the autopsy of his final victim ten years ago!” Ryunosuke:  “AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!”

And it’s Ryunosuke, not Kazuma, who reacts violently to Stronghart shooting down their argument. He ends up with his head in his hands, despairing, but Kazuma…

Kazuma:  “Objection! Thank you, Ryunosuke. If it wasn’t for your frank words just now… this trial may very well have ended prematurely.”

He’s managed to figure something out, all thanks to Ryunosuke talking him down from his emotions and making him realise he needs to look at things more objectively! They are friends.

I also love how quickly Kazuma’s able to turn himself around like this. There really was always a buried part of him that suspected he was wrong about van Zieks and wanted to do this better, and all it took was his friend talking some sense into him for him to be able to push aside his emotions and act on that more logical side of himself, like he always should have been.

Kazuma:  “You claim that my father’s silence was due to the fact that there was no fabricated evidence. But there’s another possible explanation. You’ve overlooked the possibility that he had a reason for maintaining that silence!”

This is not a line of logic Kazuma would have been able to think through if he’d still been letting his emotions drive him. He truly believes in his father as a paragon of justice and integrity who would never lie, and never engage in any kind of underhanded deals. From that perspective, the question of why his father would ever confess to crimes he didn’t commit just makes his mind short circuit and think about something else.

But if Kazuma approaches this logically, unemotionally, just thinking about why somebody in that position might give a false confession… there is actually a possible reason that he can argue for here. He still doesn’t like to believe that his father would do such a thing, but he’s putting that emotional thought aside for now to focus on the facts.

Van Zieks:  “If the autopsy results were an invention, there’s no conceivable reason why the man wouldn’t have protested!” Kazuma:  “Objection! Oh, those results were an invention alright. There’s no question of that. Or are you forgetting that two people with a connection to that autopsy have been assassinated?”

And look at him being so confident about this! Up until just now, Kazuma was floundering every time Stronghart tried to insist that the fabrication wasn’t real – but now that he’s got his head on straight, he’s able to find the perfect argument as to why it has to have been real. Not one that’s based on his emotional belief in his father’s innocence, but one based on objective facts that he can cite. Look at him go! He’s actually good at this after all!

Kazuma:  “If I force the grievances I feel from my mind… I start to see you in a very different light. I think perhaps it’s you who’s been living in delusion these ten years.”

Look at him empathising with van Zieks! He’s seeing him as a person who’s suffered and had his view of the truth twisted by grief and hatred and denial just like Kazuma has! It really is remarkable how quickly Kazuma was able to turn around and realise this – which just goes to show that there was always a part of him capable of seeing that van Zieks is in fact a human being. It’s just that he’s finally listening to that part of him now, instead of fervently shutting it away.

(Although, really, Kazuma, it’s both of you who’ve been deluded in one way or another for ten years. Acting like it’s only van Zieks and not you after all sure is some projecting.)

Van Zieks:  “M… Me…?”

Oh no, van Zieks, he’s so defensive about this – but of course, there’s always been a buried part of him deep down that suspected it wasn’t actually Genshin, and if it wasn’t Genshin, then it must have been—

Ryunosuke:  “…it led to his escape. An escape that was only possible because he’d been sentenced to death.” Kazuma:  “Although I find it hard to believe my father would have negotiated in that way… the defence is correct.”

Aww, Kazuma. He still does believe in his father and at least wants to mention that fact… but he’s no longer letting it stop him from following the logic of what evidently happened.

Kazuma:  “The prosecution wishes to summon new witnesses to the stand!” Stronghart:  “Witnesses?” Kazuma:  “People who can testify about the jailbreak that took place ten years ago.” Ryunosuke:  “Ah!”

And look at Ryunosuke being surprised – he’s the one who’s one step behind now! Kazuma had already thought all of this through and realised that he was going to have to call these witnesses, probably as soon as he objected earlier. He really is on top of things, finally!

[ashenwinds]

Meet the Mun

Saw this on the dash and decided at almost midnight that it was time to steal~

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ? A CERTAIN SOMEBODY dragged me back into SoT when safer seas was released back in December '23 and went "hey let me show you what is at this red tornado and only tell you that the third phase you have to dodge meatballs and you should keep your ship away". Little did that bish know I got immediately hooked on the Ashen Lords and after a small thought of "You know, I think Warden Chi is non-binary" since honestly I thought they were male by their voice and appearance I started thinking more into it and doing a bit of research to find there is absolutely no lore on them aside from the fact they are the Warden for Flameheart's prison. So, I started thinking about headcanons about them and a whole backstory. . . and then I got into the lore of Flameheart and went "I want that skellie too". I also have two other muses that are currently rattling around as well which are listed on the pinned post.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ? It's not my cup of cocoa, but slice-of-life threads. I can only do them for so long without getting tired // losing interest. I'm just not a chill happenings sort of writer. I'm not a huge fan of p.orn without plot either. I need sustenance // some meaning to what I write and I am not fully comfortable writing smut

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ? HORROR. Gods damn give me horror and tense situations. Give me villains thriving and making life hell, give me a bad end where shit hits the fan and everything's fucked up. But also. . . give me some good angst and maybe a bit of fluff ( ironic considering neither of muses on this blog are exactly fluff material )

ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ? If you have followed my other blogs, you know I analyze the HELL out of any sort of material I can get. Analyzing voice lines, the model of the character and how they stand // move, the bits of lore given about them or the lack of substance when it comes to Chi. A lot of my headcanons stem from thoughts about how they would interact with their surroundings // others, what parts would fit into their history // story. Basically analyzing their psyche and pondering how they would develop or adjust to situations.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ? I almost always have music going on when I'm doing replies. Either that or some playthrough I have been watching. Silence just sorta kills my energy

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ? Bit of column A bit of column B. it depends on how high my muse is for that character + thread. The more excited and engaged I am, the easier it is to get into the headspace of the muse and to write out a reply without thinking too much about it, but sometimes I like to have a plan at least how the thread will go

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ? Most of the time? Yeah, it can be fun. In the case of this blog? Ehhhh it would greatly depend. I can be quite into ships depending. I do tend to be a sucker for villains in relationships ( but not the ones where they are "turning good" for their lover ) or the smol and tol dynamic, big scary with a soft but can be scary smol -- be it romantic or platonic

ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ? Ra, but I also respond to Captain

ᴀɢᴇ? Closer to 30 than 20 ;v;

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ? December 22nd

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)? purple and black

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)? We would be here for hours if I listed them all. Lately I've been listening to Ashes, Keelhauled, The Herald of Flame, Hollow, and well my go-to for vent writing // drawing: Vengeance is Mine

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ? . . . I honestly cannot remember? Maybe it was Over the Hedge for nostalgia reasons?

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ? Overlord. Binged all 4 seasons in less than a week while working

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ? P.A.R.T.Y by Alestorm

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ? I mean as of right now it's just pepperonis. . .

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ? Autumn or winter tbh but I am a mountain cryptid so

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ? Fun fact is I met my bestie here on tumblr! 💜 I think it's almost been 5-6 years since we first met in a whole different fandom. We met through a mutual bitch and ended up bonding after shit hit the fan. Now, I owe her an onion ring and child support for our son Speedy.

[dalxewanabee]

Hello everyone this is the octo blog repping all of splat net! The sun has come up on anther splatastic week! The splatfest has ended so lets see who won!

Team alie- wait nessie?? Well that was a shocker, to me at least. Since we are on the topic of Splatfests I would like to bring you Splatfest law!

Article 1. Normal splatfest

When a fest is announced via a predetermined theme voted on by Jellyfish or made by producers or from the fax machine one team will battle to see who is legally the best.(Or whatever conditions are applied to a fest)

Section 1. B Scoring

At the end of the fest all the points will be collected. The point consists of Conch shells collected, Votes, Open, Pro, and Tri Color. Whom ever wins the most of each sections wins and is legally declared the best. (Or whatever conditions are applied to a fest)

Section 1. C Conch shells

Conch shells can be obtained through leveling up your catalog. They can be used in any Gen 3 lobby mostly seen in the splatlands. If one cannot use Conch Shells they can be refunded for points towards their team.

Section 1. D Votes

When a fest is announced a player can vote manually and or electronically. When vote is casted a player will be given a tee with a bracelet number on it.

Section 1. E Game modes

Open, Pro, and Tri color are all modes you can play during a fest. The new Anarchy idols Deep Cut have 3 members so now there are 3 teams. Open and Pro are only A team vs B team, but in Tri color its A team vs B team vs C team. Tri color is a 2 vs 2 vs 3 mode.

Article 2. City Participation

When a city hosts a fest it must set up voting systems and a stage for performances. The city also must set up screens for splatfest messages.

Section 2. B Building laws

When a city hosts a splatfest any technology they need will and shall be provided. The city does not need to be inside standard building laws or regulations. Nothing needs to go past a board or other forces just presented. Any and all litter will be cleaned up in the hours between the end of the fest and winner is placed.

Section 2. C What determines a city of code

A city will be evaluated before an construction begins. If the city has an water leaks or extreme rain. Its criminal rate will also be evaluated. If it is not approved it will be assigned N/A. After the finalfest of a city it will be determined retired.

Article 3. Idol Participation

The current Anarchy splatcast idols must have a debut song to play during turfwar and in the city while on the stage.

Section 3. B Picking a team

The idols mangers and or bosses will determine what team they are on. The idols will be provided with outfits matching their teams color and will be provided top of the line ink dye.

Section 3. C Idols from retired cites

Idols from retired cites also hosting a fest will be provided the same luxuries and will be able to pick a team on their own. Cites with 2 idols will have to change the color of the lobby tower to the 3rd team.

Section 4. Final fest

Article 1. B Timing

After about 2 years of planning a Final fest will be announced. The Final fest will have custom gear made for the teams designed by the head of each team.

Section 3. C Out come of fest

When the winner is announced the leader of that team is able to activate any of the following sections.

Section 4. D Winners World

If the Leader choses to invoke this they get to pick a new city for the turf war industry to move too. The city the fest premiered in will be abandoned and will be list as N/A.

Section 4. E Forgive and Forget

If the leader choses to invoke this the final fest will be forgotten and nothing will happen.

Section 4. F War against War

If the leader invokes this both teams fight against each other until the other one wins.

Congrats Team nessie!! It was a wonderful fest I hope to see you next time.

Octo blog signing off!👋

Note the splatfest rules are made up by me and are in no way cannon to the source material. You are welcome to add or create your own

[reflections-of-mobius]

Just me getting some more of my thoughts in a row for the events for Enlightened Darkness and Wielders of Chaos. If you're interested in muses from those universes, or interested in the events, then... I leave it up to you if you want to read the spoilers/my thoughts. Please do not go under the cut unless you're ready.

Also: I have the next three days off, I'm around to chat today, plan to work on drafts and the like tomorrow since I worked this morning and brain is 'blblblblbl-'

So, first off is Enlightened Darkness. I won't start on the event proper until I get a few things out of the way first. Murk and Tenebrosity have to meet, and a muse I'm considering adding- the leader of a cult dedicated to Mephiles the Dark- will begin to appear around that time. I don't plan to make them a complete muse on the blog, not until the event actually kicks off- which it will, with the new character warning Arwen, Ten, and Fin that Murk has been captured by S. W. O. R. D.

From there it's going to turn into a general hack-n-slash. I'll probably make Murk and Ten's events separate things in the timeline, so Murk's kidnapping will come first- and Ten's will be later down the line.

As for Wielders of Chaos- I wanted to start that universe off with the events of Sonic Unleashed, but I came up with another idea- which would lead into the events of Sonic Unleashed, though that game would probably be a multi-month 'general updates' thing in-blog.

This may cut off some people or prevent their muses from participating, but I plan to make it so that Dr. Eggman kidnaps all the known Wielders of Chaos- and locks them all in a virtual reality program while he prepares an armada with the Chaos Emeralds he's collected. If you can't guess, the 'virtual reality program' is going to be Sonic and The Black Knight. Of course, the Wielders of Chaos will gradually convene and, when they all meet up, escape.- Just in time for Dr. Eggman to split Mobius into multiple pieces.

Admittedly, I'm fond of the idea I have for Wielders of Chaos because I have wanted to incorporate the knight game into one of my worlds, but could never think of how.- Until it hit me at work the other day, that I could have my cake and eat it, too.

Of course, the knight even will also be multi-month, so Wielders of Chaos has...several multi-month things going on. And people who'd want their muses to participate in Wielders of Chaos' world would need to let me know before hand, so we could work out how their muses could fit into the chaos.

The main muses for Wielders of Chaos will be Cinn and a new muse, Rust.

Wielders of Chaos' Shadow. He's going to be shipped with Cinn- it's been a thought in my mind for a hot minute.

Of course, after the events of the knight game, pretty much all the wielders of the Emeralds are going to come away with certain properties and mannerisms given to them by the virtual world. I'll decide on those as I write out the events for Sandstorm and Enlightened Darkness.

Do keep in mind that Rust is currently not available for RP, nor does he have a doc. He's just an idea, right now.

Anyway. I've got a few drafts to work on...so of course I'm going to play MC...and hopefully work on the drafts tomorrow (I don't work the next three days, so y'all are stuck with my crazy a$$ for a hot minute).

Mostly just around to chat, today.

[helperhome]

Welcome Home!

Hello Everyone,

After months of procrastinating, I feel like I’m finally ready to get this thing up and running. My intention for this blog is to spread the mental health resources I've gathered freely so that anyone with access to the internet can have access to this information.

God, Allah, our creator, or whatever you call it, has blessed me with a unique perspective on life. During a time of intense turmoil, I was blessed to have a top-of-the-line health insurance provider. Not only was it a top-tier provider, but my coverage plan was also exceptional. For reference, it covered every ambulance ride I’d had AND a trip to the E.R. via Life Flight - so you could say it was pretty freakin’ good. On top of that, it gave me access to a multitude of resources as well as an abundance of medical professionals to choose from. During that time, however, I had no idea what kind of blessing that actually was. As a child, I knew nothing about insurance and had no interest in learning about it. Compared to now, I have state-covered health insurance and it’s nearly impossible to get an appointment with someone who is actually qualified to help me. The provider pool is drastically limited as a whole when you have this type of insurance, but in the psychiatric field, it’s even worse. An already scarce option pool becomes even more limited when you go down the tiers of health insurance, with the number of limitations rising as you go down the tiers. This can make it seemingly impossible to have access to the help you need, not to mention the financial burden of it all. Having a hard time connecting with providers forced me to rely on myself and my connection with God in order to make any sort of progress. Luckily for me, I absolutely LOVE doing research and broadening my understanding of things. Combined with my never-ending curiosity, my ability to absorb information has given me all the tools I need to heal myself repeatedly. 

Back in the day, I had a gut feeling to hold onto the information I was given by my various therapists, counselors, case workers, and other professionals along my journey. I may not have understood the actual depth of this then, but I knew those papers had value to them. I knew they needed to be shared with the world. 

Fast forward to the current moment, I now have an entire binder full of worksheets, exercises, and other information that I’ve been collecting since 2011 or so. Along with that, I retained a lot of the practices and principles I was taught by educated professionals still to this day. I’ve used them in tandem with other resources I’ve found and ultimately it has been a successful journey. Now it is time that I offer all of this to the world, so you may find the tools you need to help you along your healing journey. 

Remember that this journey is one that is never-ending, with old traumas resurfacing and new events taking place on a daily basis. It is hard at times, but it is truly worth it. When you are able to say that you deserve the help you need, you begin to heal in ways you may have never thought possible - and I want to help. It’s also important to mention that without the aid of my medication, I don’t think I would be able to make it as far as I have. I found a nurse practitioner who took me in even though I was far from what her experience had her accustomed to - we both knew that - but she did her very best to help me. (She did an amazing job with what she had, and I'm forever thankful for her.) Things changed in both of our lives, so I was forced to search for someone better qualified to help me. Thankfully I had an abundance of varying doses of the medication I rely on for daily function, so I have been able to keep medicated while waiting for my new provider. Medications are a valuable tool in this process, so I highly recommend trying to find something that helps you. For me, it's 50 mg of Nortriptyline - a medication used to treat narcolepsy but also in more severe cases, C-PTSD. The medications themselves do not solve all of the problems you have, so if you go at it from that perspective you’ll be met with disappointment. Rather, they offer enough relief from the symptoms that are disrupting you so that you can navigate your mind to find the solutions yourself. The change truly does begin with you.

[wander-wren]

steps onto my soapbox

i am going to be so meticulous in my sideblogs. just so you all know. and my guide for flfverse when i get that off the ground (it’s in the works! yay!). why?

let’s talk about fandom history and archives and the internet and art, friends

when i was first getting into the baby beginnings of writing free falling/flfverse, which is my first attempt at a bdsm au, i was already familiar with the trope from honestly too many years of fanfic given my age. but i went to the fanlore page and….it barely resembled the trope i’d been reading, and hadn’t seen major updates since it was created in 2011.

at first, i thought some of the info was just straight-up wrong, so naturally i went on a deep dive to figure it all out. i’m still picking at threads on that, the hyperfixation ran out so it’s slower going now, but the fanlore page has been updated with some more of the info i found since i started the project, if you’re curious.

but it is/was an absolute goddamn nightmare to look through. the trope is generally agreed to have begun in 2006, when one fic (Stargate Atlantis fic, General and Doctor Sheppard by Xanthe) created it and then people started copying that fic etc etc. but ofc this was still in a time of purges on ffn and livejournal, ao3 was in the works but wouldn’t be online for real for a couple more years, and fandom was also spread across other individual websites run by creators. which makes it really hard to track things.

i’m currently working on closing the gap between the early 2010s (when the trope started appearing on ao3) and 2006-7 (when it was initially gaining popularity) and let me tell you, very few people bother to note where they got ideas from, or if they made things up themselves. i can see the shapes of certain trends but can’t pin them down yet. it’s fascinating and frustrating because i don’t know, ever, if i’m just not looking in the right place or if some info is just lost forever to purges and the like.

but it’s not like it matters, right? i mean, who actually cares about mapping the origins and spread of a kinky fanfic trope. no great loss of culture if it all vanished tomorrow, right. it’s not like, in the grand scheme of things, my projects mean a lot to the world.

maybe, hear me out, all art is important and valuable. maybe i find this interesting and that’s enough reason to look into it. maybe the trope is just an excuse to write a lot of smut; maybe, sometimes, it’s something else. i could go on about that angle but i won’t, not in this post. i’m not an 18+ blog. but sometimes, yall, the sex is a metaphor. or something.

i work on fanlore in my spare time for a reason. i’m looking to volunteer at ao3 as soon as i can for a reason. fandom history is really more fucking important to me than it has any right to be and i wish i could articulate why but i can’t do any better than this:

if i don’t care, who will?

a big chunk of the world already dismisses fandom, or at least fan labor, as fast as it can. i’ve dedicated countless hours of my life to this and i would drop my life plans in a heartbeat and dedicate everything to it if i could make a living but it’s fan stuff so i can’t.

what i can do is make my little guides and my blogs and keep separate archives for myself and document everything as meticulously as possible so 17 years from now when some small internet sleuth comes looking for answers to a question no one else thought to ask yet they will at least have that much.

maybe that’s dramatic. i don’t know. i tend that way. i don’t mind much.

(side note: talking about my little quest for knowledge isn’t really me asking for help with it. for one, i’m very protective of it; it’s my job to do, i got here first. for two, no offense, hypothetical internet person, but i can almost guarantee i know more than you. every time i’ve cast a line out so far on the off chance i get useful info i only get things i already know or things that are straight-up wrong. if you want to try to contribute anyway, knock yourself out.)

[f0rt1e]

Devlog #4 | Planning & Management

Hey there,

It's been a while, but I'm back—and for a good reason! Over the summer, I spent a lot of time polishing up the game to make it look nicer and feel more solid. Why? I was gearing up to participate in a game development competition.

One of the competition rules was that I couldn't share any updates or materials about the game until it was all over. But now that the competition has wrapped up, I can finally get back to updating this blog.

In my last post, I mentioned that I'd share some thoughts on planning and managing a project, so that's exactly what I'll dive into in this post.

Planning 

I won’t dive into the ideation stage of coming up with your game’s main concept—I’m guessing that’ll hit you either by chance or during brainstorming sessions. Instead, let’s focus on the day-to-day routine of game development.

For me, game development is a hobby. I work full-time, so I don’t have eight hours a day to dedicate to my game. Because of that, I have to make the most of my spare time, which means avoiding chaos and carefully planning everything—my resources (time, energy, motivation) and tasks.

Given my limited time, I don’t set strict deadlines for myself, and I don’t prioritize tasks based on time. Estimating time accurately is tough, so instead, I categorize tasks by a few key factors: complexity, type (bug fix, new feature, polish, refactoring), and dependencies—will this task impact others?

For example, let’s say I’m adding a new job for my peasants. It sounds straightforward, but it involves a lot of steps, so I break it down into smaller subtasks. I usually start with the art (assuming I’ve already figured out the functionality). First, I draw the building, then add it to the game and set up the scene. Next, I write the code—what should this building do? Will it function independently, or does it need to connect with another building? These are crucial questions. Once the building and its code are ready, I add the job itself, update existing code as needed, and run tests.

In theory, this process sounds quick and clear, but in practice, you’ll encounter bugs, new ideas, and more testing than you expect.

That’s why I try to avoid tackling big tasks all at once. Instead, I break them down into smaller, manageable pieces. It’s easier to get started, easier to track, and you see progress faster—which, in my experience, is key to staying motivated.

It’s also smart to think ahead when adding new features or updating existing systems. Rather than asking, “How do I implement X feature?” it’s better to ask, “What’s required to implement X feature?” Gather all the requirements upfront, and you’ll have a solid plan with everything laid out. Consider how the new feature interacts with your game’s current systems. For example, if you’re adding a jump mechanic, think about the details:

Is the jump predetermined?

Can the player control their character mid-air?

Can they jump off a ledge before falling?

Will there be a double jump?

Do certain terrains affect jump height or power?

Any new feature can impact your entire game design. For instance, adding jumps to an infinite runner game would significantly alter the level design.

To sum up what I’ve learned so far:

Avoid big, daunting tasks—break them down into smaller, manageable ones.

Gather requirements first, then set your tasks.

Categorize tasks based on factors like complexity or type, not time.

Management 

I can’t offer much advice if you’re planning to be a full-time solo game developer. When you have eight hours a day (or more) to dedicate to your game, the process looks very different. But in my case, where game development is a part-time passion, management is just as crucial as development itself.

At first, I thought, “It’s just a hobby game; I don’t need to worry about management. I’ll remember everything.” Yeah, right. As your game grows, you end up with more lines of code, functions, art, assets, sounds, and interconnected systems than you can’t possibly keep track of in your head. That’s when I realized I needed to get serious about task management.

There are plenty of tools out there—from a simple paper notebook to complex solutions like Amazon tools. I wanted something that wasn’t overkill, so I landed on Trello. It’s perfect for my needs: easy to use, easy to adapt, and super flexible.

I use Trello boards to keep everything organized. I’ve got columns for ‘Ideas,’ ‘In Progress,’ and ‘Done,’ and I also categorize tasks by type (new feature, bug, polish), importance (a ‘crushing bug’ is obviously top priority), and category (art, sound, coding, etc.). For me, Trello is a lifesaver. Plus, it’s free!

Honestly, I don’t think complex tools like Azure DevOps are necessary if you’re a hobbyist or solo developer. But it’s all about finding what works best for you.

I’m also a big fan of sticky notes, both physical and digital, for those quick, spur-of-the-moment ideas. Sometimes you don’t have the time or energy to hop over to your Trello board, but you’ve got a great idea in your head. Just jot it down on a sticky note and stick it where you can see it. It’s a simple trick, but it really helps.

To sum up:

Start managing your thoughts and ideas early on, even if it’s just jotting things down. It’ll be a lifesaver as your project grows.

Find a task-tracking tool that works for you—whether it’s digital or physical, like a whiteboard.

Categorize your tasks.

Set small, achievable goals to keep your motivation high.

I hope these tips help you on your game development journey! Feel free to drop any questions in the comments below.

See you in the next post, where I’ll cover what’s changed and what’s been done during my competition prep. Up next: a new interface!

[alianoralacanta]

Renault and long-term driver strategy (29-04-2007)

Context: Renault had swapped Fernando Alonso out for a rookie, Heikki Kovalainen. While McLaren prospered, Renault wilted under a car that did not co-operate with its drivers' desires - and a team boss who already appeared bored of Giancarlo Fisichella's presence. This was the first of three annual posts in a "Alianora gives advice to team boss she was never met on a tiny blog" series. I can't find the other two, but let's say I saw no evidence that Renault took my advice and that Giancarlo Fisichella's eventual exchange for promising newcomer Nelson Piquet Jr proved a downgrade…

Renault's predicament has been surprising in its magnitude, if not necessarily in its occurrence. It is currently fighting over minor points in races and sometimes scrabbling to get twelfth in qualifying. And as Martin Brundle said in 2002, "Flavio [Briatore] doesn't really do twelfth, does he?"

It would be fair to say that this entry got inspired by Formula 1 Latest's blog entry on the same subject. However, my response is too long to put in their comments box, so I thought it was fairer to put it here where people who like long monologues can enjoy it better.

Before the season started, the people who thought Renault were going to be in trouble mostly appeared to believe that the main reason was the drivers. Fernando Alonso has done a sterling job for Renault in the last two years, and continues to do a good job for McLaren. He was never going to be an easy act to follow, particularly bearing in mind that many doubted Giancarlo Fisichella was up to the task, and that Heikki Kovalainen was a rookie (even great drivers need some time to become world-beaters.

In fact, Flavio Briatore has really got himself into a pickle over his drivers this year. The plan was so obvious and so likely to work - keep on Fisichella to show Kovalainen the ropes and maintain continuity (he has a proven track record of both, and with all the personnel reshuffles and the tyre swap, a dip in form was likely even if Alonso was still there). Groom Kovalainen to be the team leader for 2008 (as Uppili said, Flavio thinks he's the next Alonso) and put Nelson Piquet Jr. in as Heikki's second in 2008 (as the Alonso-after-next). This would produce a lovely conveyor belt of superstars to pay Flavio money and bring Renault long-term glory.

Two things have put spanners in the works. Fisi has done better than Flavio expected relative to Heikki. I'm sure Flavio thought they'd nearly equal each other by Bahrain, but Heikki's currently too busy working on his driving-mediocre-cars technique to worry about his catching-the-team-leader technique. Also, Heikki hasn't been able to display the level of team leadership required for him to take the No. 1 role for 2008.

This combination is especially awkward as Flavio still doesn't appear to have quite forgiven Fisi for the last two years and Nelson probably has a Heikki-like (and fairly common) clause that he be given the car should either of the current racers not be available.

As a result, the whole discussion of who may replace Fisi as team leader may be rather premature. Until Kovalainen demonstrates some team leadership skills or a point is reached when both Fisi and Heikki can be dismissed at the same time, Flavio cannot remove Fisi without giving himself the rather weak Heikki-Nelson line-up. If I were Flavio, I would be pleased that I could have a Fisi-Heikki pairing and get back to overseeing car improvements. Flavio probably wouldn't be so happy…

If Nelson's manager has been silly enough not to negotiate himself the reserve driver clause, then Webber is the most likely target. Button is probably so restrained by contractual bounds that even his and Flavio's combined will to change teams would not prevail against the CRB (though it might net Flavio some cash to try, as well as add pressure to Webber's salary negotiation). Bear in mind that he signed a 5-year Honda extension only at the end of 2004, so Button is stuck there until the end of 2009.

The Ferrari and McLaren drivers can be safely ignored - all four are (as far as I can tell) contracted beyond 2007, and only Alonso is anything other than delighted at the prospect. Even he is probably only temporarily irritated by the Hamilton hype and won't flounce off-stage like his predecessor Juan Pablo Montoya did.

Mark, on the other hand, is probably on a normal contract and could be bought out if necessary. He will also be keen not to repeat his mistake of disregarding Flavio's instructions twice in succession. Adrian Newey would be a factor against the move, but is Mark's loyalty to his chief designer stronger than his loyalty to his manager? So if it's not Fisi-Heikki next year, I think it will be Mark-Nelson. The former is more likely, however - though it will be gritted teeth on Flavio's part, it would be the more successful arrangement.

As for the cause of Renault's problems, I think what's wrong at Renault is the tyre compatibility. Renault have had the rearmost weight distribution since 2001, and switching to Bridgestone tyres caused a problem. This was because Bridgestones require a more forward weight distribution whilst maintaining broadly the same aerodynamics as 2006 (note Super Aguri's supremacy over Honda). The weight distribution had a lot of effects. Also remember Renault's budget is relatively small, which makes tackling two different research tracks at once difficult.

As a consequence, there ended up being compromises on both the distribution and the aero, which have proved a very bad combination. No amount of good driving can completely compensate for a mediocre car. In essence, Fisi's performance relative to Heikki is because Fisi is better at dealing with mediocre cars (he's been in this situation before - 2001-2003, anyone?), but that's not going to win Renault championships; car improvements are. And the car improvements necessary are too numerous for Renault to deal with. Which is why Renault are hovering around lower points-paying positions right now.

[roserysttrpggarden]

Happy ultra belated anniversary + other things

Hey there!

Been a while, hasn't it? So, all the way back in march this blog officially turned a year old, pretty cool huh? Anyways I don't have a whole lot to say, but I want to give some updates on plans and such I have down the line

The Exalted

Work on the Exalted (Formerly known as the Avatar) has been on and off again due to varying levels of motivation and me working on other projects, however, I can say that I have made great strides with this divine class with (As of writting) 35 epithets and seven different divine sparks (Their subclass) alongside a momentum like mechanic known as willpower. I hope you'll enjoy this demigodly class when I do release the playtest and eventually the full class.

The Accursed

Another class i've been working on that i'm excited to eventually show off is the Accursed, based on a similar class made by the one and only ross leiser, the accursed is someone that's become inflicted by a magical curse, however, they've since been able to control their curses power, using it for their own ends. While i'll go more in-depth with the accursed later, i'll give a basic rundown of the class

The accursed is a constitution based half caster that, rather than relying on spell slots instead uses a new resource called hex points, which it uses to both cast spells and fuel other various accursed abilities. Accurseds also have a few other features, such as Burdens, negative effects they've gained as a result of their curse, and overchannel, an stance that causes them to unleash the full power of their curse, regaining their hex points and granting them subclass specific abilities. The accursed is still in the design phase but I am super proud of how it is coming out as of now, and I cannot wait to showcase it to the public

Compendiums

While this is planned for the far future, I also plan on possibly packaging some of my content into large compendium PDFS down the line, like potentially packaging both the accursed and the exalted in one pdf, alongside some new spells and subclasses. I already have an idea of a purely martial based document, complete with new weapons, feats, subclasses and two new martial classes: The Juggernaut and The Sovereign. But more about those will be discussed in due time.

Warlock Reborn Update

Ah the warlock reborn, my first published homebrew on this silly little blog, my attempt to rework the warlock class due to my dissatisfaction with the version presented in the One D&D UA. While I may cringe at the lacking quality now adays, it helped me get my name out here on this small side of the homebrewing community. While it is not on my mind, I have thought of going back and remastering the whole document, touching up the class features, subclasses, spells and more and providing a version much closer to my current design philosophies. Mind you this isn't exactly my first priority so it isn't guaranteed, but it might be fun to do given how much i've changed as a designer since then.

That's about all I got at the moment for this update, thanks to everyone who's followed, liked, reblogged my content (Especially the homebrew class design series) I hope ya'll will stick around for whatever content I put out in the near future.

But until next time, thanks for reading, go make some homebrew.