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rubenesque-as-fuck · 1 year

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You Melt Me

Acrylic on canvas, 22" x 28"

#you melt me #faye's most excellent art projects #acrylic painting #finished painting #this is d's birthday present #he asked me to paint him something #oops painted something hugely personal and chock full of feelings symbolism #possibly also my favorite piece that I've ever done #giving it away is going to hurt a little #I should have just painted 'still love you stupid' in bubble letters it would have been more subtle 😂

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fourthapprentice · 7 months

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some people want friendships but only the benefits of one. they want the company, the entertainment, the attention, etc. but don’t want to put in the “emotional labor” / effort of actually BEING a friend to someone

#it’s exhausting #go away fern #some people want effort to be put into understanding them but will refuse to understand others #some people will want emotional support but won’t offer it in return #you get what you give when it comes to most relationships and when you give nothing you should get nothing i’m sorry #i’m tired of seeing one-sidesd relationships/friendships where one person puts in all the effort/energy and the other person does little #bc it almost always ends in the person giving everything burning out and getting hurt

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brown-little-robin · 4 months

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あ

#Robin processes emotions on main #already I am struggling with studying Japanese #not with the language itself so much. I'm making progress on that #but with this horrible kind of anxiety #I writhe not being the best at things that I'm trying to do. I writhe wondering if I should just give up.#this is why I had a horrible time studying Greek in high school as well: can't know it well enough fast enough #it's like I'm dying a little every day convincing myself no it's FINE not to know everything right away. it's OKAY.#it's okay if you stop learning Japanese in the future and it's okay if you keep learning Japanese. it's okay it's okay it's—#hhhhhhhhhhhh #it's such a complicated language it's making my stomach hurt right now thinking about how I want to learn kanji but it's So Much #and I don't know HOW to learn it #I've never really learned a language before (Greek does NOT count) and I'm learning all the complexities of the Japanese language and going #going oh....... this is........ actually extremely much...... and I'm never going to be a native speaker.......#I'm trying So Hard to embrace dying a little to my perfectionism every day but it's HARD. WAILS #No one Told me learning a language would make me want to cry because it's simply impossible to master!!!!#WAH!!!!#I'm trying to keep sight of the fact that it's not about my pride it's about having fun and embracing Small challenge and Small rewards #I really do feel so happy every time I recognize a word or understand the grammar when watching anime #it's just thinking about the Entire language that's psyching me out #Robin learns Japanese

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found--family · 2 months

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am i the only one who sensed some jilted lover vibes from jensen?

#burcon #cockles #thoughts #at the start of the panel and through a few particular interactions he seemed very standoffish #he was giving a little bitter and hurt and perhaps even resentful - maybe he only learned of misha's gf #at this con too! maybe it was news to him. on top of not seeing misha for months i can understand #if he was feeling a bit neglected and out of the loop. there's also the matter of misha's gf not being #in a poly thing with jensen and dee like vicki was ie. what she has with misha is seperate so i'm sure #that's another difficult thing to deal with knowing their time together is strictly separate #i've no doubt he wants misha to have a partner and be happy but there's an adjustment period #letting new people into your life and whoever misha's partner is now or in the future is going to #affect jensen on a personal level and moreover his relationship with misha. it's all very intriguing #and while i like what little i've seen and heard about this woman for misha i just think no matter who #she is it's going to take a toll on jensen's relationship w misha. i thought it was plain to see on jensen's face #during their panel: numerous moments where he was giving a poker face that wasn't covering a laugh #but instead like he was trying to smooth out his bitterness. or so my eyes and brain and heart tell me.#just various moments where things looked uncomfortable and jensen making off-colour jokes that didn't land #and which furthermore were barbed and snarky - not in their usual banter way but like he was lashing out #and using the excuse of chaotic panel convo to explain away his comedic pitfalls. but again maybe i'm #looking to much into it? idk. there are some lovely moments! fun and caring moments - but they #mainly came from misha's direction ngl. it seemed like misha was trying hard to keep the peace #while jensen was just running his mouth on comments and jokes that kept not landing - for me #everyone on my dash is loving their dynamic this panel - and i want to feel that love! it is possible that #learning misha has a gf has skewed my perception a little like i'm putting context onto moments #i otherwise wouldn't. but i also think i would've laughed and generally felt better watching their panel #if that was the case. idk. whatever the reason i do think something was OFF between them on stage #and it was coming from jensen from the start. misha picked up on it partway though but things felt #a little strained throughout. like jensen wasn't looking at misha as much as usual or reaching out for him #misha tried to salvage and not react to things. but both their answers to the last Q were passive aggressive af #and when they left the stage together they weren't close or touching or chatting like they usually are...

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da-proti-toku-grem · 23 days

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how do you know the difference between a huge anxiety attack and a panic attack?

#i think i had a panic attack yesterday but idk......#god it felt so awful and it went on for like 3 hours #but i also had like a hundred things going on so idk if it was like the accumulation of everything or if it was really a panic attack yk #i was at the fair with my family waiting for my best friend to arrive bc i was going to hang out with her #and yk it's a place full of people and we were standing right next to a huge speaker hearing a man talk #and also each place in the fair has different music playing super loud and you can hear all of them at the same time (+ the flashing lights #all that causes me anxiety every since i was little (even if i didn't know it was anxiety back then)#so i *knew* i was going to have the greatest time and i didn't really want to go there in the first place #but even with that i wasn't really haven't a bad time (yet)#we were just stading there and i was waiting for my friend to call me so we could go somewhere else #she called me to tell me she was coming and right when i hung up the phone i felt a really strong pang on my belly #and idk at first i thought it was period cramps but it was weird bc my period had actually stopped that same morning #also i had taken a painkiller right before going there bc all that i mentioned earlier also gives me migraines so there's that too #so yeah the pangs kept getting stronger and it hurt so fucking bad to the point my legs started trembeling #my vision blured and every sound around me seemed to almost fade away #there wasn't any place i could sit down so i gad to cling to my dad and he had to hold me so i didn't fall to the ground #i think i almost (?) fainted in his arms too #after a while the dizzines went away and my dad went to get me smth to drink and i mostly got my hearing and vision back to normal #all that was like 10 minutes max but then the pangs kept hitting every minute or so for the next 3 hours #we found a place to sit and find smth to eat but i couldn't eat anything without wanting to throw up #my legs wouldn't stop shaking like fucking crazy and i kept going from feeling like i was freezing to sweating from how hot i felt #idk i've had smth like this (w/o the pangs) happen to me before a bunch of times but never That strong and it usually lasted 5-10min max #we ended up having to go home and i had to take some more painkillers and my sleeping pills to be able to calm down a little #i'm pretty sure i fell asleep from exhaustion after everything and i'm still feeling a bit weird after almost 24 hours since it happened #anyways. the thing is idk if all that was caused bc of my anxiety #or if it was smth completely unrelated and i just had such a bad tummy ache that it made me feel bad enough to cause All That yknow #i think it felt pretty much like how i've heard people describe a panic attack but again i'm not sure #yeah.........#maca speaks

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totheidiot · 2 months

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i hate that the solar eclipse just now serves as a reminder that nobody loves me.

#🍂 arian's shit #IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND NOTHING HAPPENED. but yeah #i will always think of the solar eclipse i witnessed and think about that #two people one of them my friend the other i thought i could consider my friend but HE PROBABLY DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT.#they both talked and did their things and laughed and they are so damn close to each other it almost made me cry and reminded me that #it was such a profound moment too when i realized what was going on #they were in another world that didn't have me and i get that. i do. they have known each other for a year and i abruptly showed up #two months ago and one of them we are getting close she likes me around #at least i think #the other one he is nice he is supposed to be like this he is nice to everyone that is who he is #so what is happening: he is completely indifferent to me. most he did was remember my name and face. but he is nice.#i like them both so so much it almosg does hurt when i stood there awkwardly almost like i was intruding #and i realized that i have never not been close to anyone #no acquaintances all the friendships i have had they sre the reason why i live and i know that they live for me too #we have known each other since kindergarten. they held my face and cried and told me that i was love when i was leaving for the last time #they love me. i am sure of it.#but now i don't have anyone near whom i do love. people don't love me. i used to be love.#it also hurts that i am Average Person In The World #i am not funny. i do not have unique quirks. i do not have a single talent.#all i am good for is saying the wrong things all time.#even in my old life i was someone. someone who isn't the same as the person who saw the solar eclipse today and felt all this #i was the idiot. I WAS THE IDIOT. i was the writer person.#i don't feel like any of these things now. they had a thing in common: their capacity to love and be loved.#i love very easily but i am not an easy person to love.#vent post #god this is such a small little thing i am the most pathetic thing in the world #feel free to scroll away don't even read this shit #arian contemplates his universe

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deus-and-the-machina · 1 year

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Frothing at the mouth what do you MEAN pearl gave Scott a life in ll for their alliance to be sealed oh myg od THAT MAKES EVERYTHING SO MUCH WORSE AND SO MUCH BETTER

#pearl literally gave him part of her life and they ended up soulmates and he REJECTED her even still like. ow #what fascinates me about the divorce quartet and specifically pearl and Scott is how more than any particular slight the thing that stops #them from coming together is their stubbornness. scott was prolly too harsh on pearl but he’s not backing down no way besides she’s lost it #now and is hostile right back and so they hurt themselves to hurt each other and build up more and more animosity #cleo concedes a bit to martyn bc she knows it’s practical for survival but scott and pearl are the messiest of messy friendship breakups #you witnessed in hs because they’re both (mostly scott tho ngl) are so STUBBORN #and with how he and cleo seemed to be so eager to go off from their soulmates maybe it’s also like. it doesn’t really matter who their #soulmate was. at that point scott was sold on the two seasons in the making full time alliance with cleo and vice versa #they wanted to cause problems on purpose and they found the perfect reason to split from fate even if it was a tad of an overreaction #pearl and martyn were collateral. and with the context of what she did for him in last life you could argue she’s one of the reasons he won #at all by giving the yellow name a life. so no wonder it stings so bad they’ve done so much for each other. SHES done so much for him and #he throws her away over a nether excursion? did their bond really mean that little? ough. ough man #double life #pearlescentmoon #scott smajor #last life

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girlcrushau · 2 months

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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

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savage-rhi · 6 months

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✨️Magenta✨️

#I've been really sad lately #its logical I've had a lot happen and a lot going on #and I've been mostly bedridden the past week cause of fibro flares #my brain can see the logic of why my body feels burnt out and why i feel anxious #but i also have this profound sense of loneliness that's been weighing on my chest #I feel the need to isolate and get away from people because it feels like it doesn't matter how much i try to blend in someone #will catch onto me being an “alien” or not quite fitting their mold or having a difference of opinion and i get bullied or ostracized #out of participating with folks or doing activities #and i get so overwhelmed by people and their literal energy/vibes that it feels as though I'm caught in a sneaker wave and being pulled #from shore and this is compounded on top of that feeling of being surrounded by people like tons of them who may even enjoy your company #but still feel very much isolated and alone the whole time #it could be winter triggering trauma responses in me due to childhood abuse related to the holidays #and then there's me trying to brainstorm how i can make money with my creativity when i have little to no help with anyone #and no one will give me a chance to bounce ideas and get a third persons opinion #its felt like this since i can remember: people value that i listen and reflect all the while show compassion #and then when i really need it myself and attempt to reach out i get the door shut in my face #it feels like the only people that have truly listened to me are therapists lmao and it hurts cause its like i gotta pay someone #just to listen to me go off on this idea i have for a side hustle a creative pursuit something i love #and i can't really share that with anyone irl because I'm supposed to be everyones therapist #and its shitty i dont get paid for it if thats the case lol #i feel like tumblr is the only spot I really have where i can share a lot of myself and make things that make others and myself happy #i don't know what id do without it #magenta is my safe word for venting #thanks for coming to my tedtalk as i write into the void #getting shit off my chest at 4am #i aint gettin no sleep cause of yall yall not gon get no sleep cause of meeee

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binah-beloved · 6 months

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listening to Binah's meltdown theme again. invigorating

#project moon #lobotomy corporation #library of ruina #binah #binah lobcorp #binah library of ruina #i love the fact that it's essentially split into two separate parts #mostly because it gives me more food for thought #i imagine that when her meltdown starts everyone is rightfully panicking #and so are you #until you actually encounter her #and can just sense the despair and fear she's feeling #it's all hidden away so well that no one else can see it but you can #so instead of running you go over to her #and she stares at you with a slightly tilted head #then just barely grazes the top of your head with her hand #she doesn't want to hurt you #and the tension eases a little because you gave her something to live for and the second part of the theme starts up

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talentforlying · 8 months

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no but i've GOT to talk about how constantine is the walking breathing embodiment of endurance. like the man takes "fake it til you make it" to extremes.

you can hit him as hard as you can and he will just keep going. you can destroy his life, hurt his friends, take everything he has and a few things he doesn't and he will just. keep. going. not because it didn't hurt, not because you didn't try hard enough: because he just won't let you have the fucking satisfaction of knowing you got to him. and he'll still break down or bleed out or lose his mind later; you might even destroy him, for a time. but that's for later. until you're gone, he's smiling and quipping and chatting shit and immensely ruining the vibe. most annoying person to kill/torture you've ever met.

#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#that one photoset that says THIS PIGEON WILL NOT GIVE UP!!! that's him. he's zombified roadkill #the extremes he will go to to make you feel like you haven't done shit to hurt him are Vast #there's city of demons where he's about to pass out from pain & he just has two zombies prop him up so it looks like he's fine #there's that one issue with The Beast where he sticks his arm up to the elbow in boiling water when he's on trial #with the caveat that it would only burn him if he lied. and then he Lies. and waits until they're miles away to freak the fuck out #he's just. a shitty stubborn little liar man and he will Never let you know if you're winning or being tricked #( headcanons. ) I'M JUST LIKE THE BASTARDS I'VE HATED ALL ME LIFE.

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kairospy · 8 months

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Wait 👀 I thought I knew canon Reg pretty good, how do we know about him being slightly shorter than Slughorn?

I ADORE your posts!!! You’re saying everything I’ve been too shy to say. Thank you thank you thank you!

hi!!

You know that horrible, terrible, nightmare-inducing pic of Regulus from the movies?

The actor that played Slughorn (Jim Broadbent) is 1'88 cm, so roughly 6'2, and in that photograph they're standing side by side and Regulus doesn't look much shorter than 2 inches (~5 cm) at most.

I'm grasping at straws here, honestly, but everyone in the Black family is described as tall (Bellatrix is literally around 6 ft, and so is Sirius in the books), so Regulus being tiny would make no sense

And thank you so much!! I've honestly just reached a limit, seeing people speak of his character like he'd be someone with social anxiety and fear of setting boundaries and nonsense of the sort. It's true he's 90% fanon made, but let's at least be honest and not project this much -- it wouldn't fit at all into the context we have of the Black family (and what little we know of Regulus from canon)

#kairospy answers #regulus black #marauders #black brothers #noble and most ancient house of black #regulus arcturus black #dead gay wizards #regulus and sirius #lets please write over this ridiculous “regulus is just a little guy with anxiety” narrative #he sat at meetings with death eaters AND VOLDEMORT from age 16 VOLUNTARILY #“he had no self esteem”…… are you sure… are you sure.#he thought he was the shit #walburga fueled this man's ego like a fire to ensure he wouldnt change his mind and follow sirius. im so sure of this #they were both abused but sirius endured much more of the emotional sort #if anyone's self esteem took a hit it was his!! imagine being shamed and hurt by your parents for being yourself #sirius deserves a happy life away from that house #and regulus deserves a redemption arc thats not “oh i actually never wanted this and cry myself to sleep”.#thats just not how it'd go after two decades of that lifestyle #i want to see him struggling to be a better person but trying anyway #james seeing the potential. “it might take time but i could give sirius his brother back” and then falling in the process #sorry for this fucking rant jesus #im done now #(i'll keep posting about this until i'm banned from the internet)

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truethes · 2 days

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hsr spoilers: sunday has brought in one of my favourite tropes for villains, the ones who, while having an awful way of bringing it and are still making some of the worst decisions around, show such humane and relateable paths to their downfall.

his love for humanity is not simply for selfish reasons, but rather misguided disbelief and trauma to watching so much death happening to those around him that he wishes to save them by ... completely stopping their ability to be able to run into those dangers instead of trying to help them fight it, because he simply believes that no matter what you try is inevitable. still, one of his earliest decisions end up being backed up by both the protagonists and a stell.aron hunter at that.

his plans are unethical and unlawful, but the reasons behind them are not as evil as one may explain.

#❛ ♡ › jupiter : 𝐨𝐨𝐜.#personally? not going to write sunday i want to write WITH one a lot!!!#would i expand on this? yes if i didnt finish playing on his decision ...#because its one of my favourite tropes. i joke about my villains being down right AWFUL on this blog #but some reasons for at least part of the majority of their actions .... some of them are. a little bit understandable #ts.ubaki making a family with his subclass'. jun.ko giving her classmates the opportunity to kill her simply bc she loved them the most #shiros is a tricky one. im still wrapping my head around everything for him but! alas #thinking of other things ive been into. there was confirmation by the creator that hand.some jack had. despite doing terrible things #deluded himself into thinking he was saving people. esp his daughter (when he wasnt at all)#idea factor.y has an insane amount of ya.nderes who snap from the li's being hurt ...#cordel.ia in turn in hsr. her and sun.day def have some deeper parallel somewhere #theres a lot to think about and honestly. i love his dynamic with robin so much. i love the twist that isnt quite a twist #( robin getting away from that cage - the fact shes out of it on her splash art - it's so neat )#its always siblings. always those doomed siblings. why do elder siblings always sacrifice themselves for their youngers its so painful #( im a younger sibling before u ask. that would devastate me if my sibling did that for me )#anyway enough rambling this has fulfilled my wish to write so i will begin it :)#spoilers /#EDIT I FORGOT YAS.UKE HERO COMPLEX MATSU.DA SHAME ON ME. SHAME ON MEEEE #ka.i satou is the reverse of this. you hate the man for ages and then discover that in the end he was out here trying to save you

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anthromimicry · 18 days

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where do you carry your pain?

your arms.

you have tried to hold onto what is dear to you, only for it to be wrenched from your hands...

tagged by: @divingdownthehole!

tagging: @frostise, @redvived, @dispatched, @twcfaces, @vulpesse, and anyone else who might like to do this quiz!

#ALL POWER DEMANDS PAIN AND SACRIFICE: musings.#rp memes.#oof... WELL. this one hurt a little JSJSJS #i mean the two people that misao loved more than ANYTHING ( her mother && her half-brother ) were both taken from in a way.#so i'd say this is pretty accurate NGL. i mean kaiyah misao's mother was forcibly taken from her by a hunter-#and she loved her SOOO much even despite all of the complexities within their relationship. thus misao would-#pretty much give anything to have her back tbh and with ryuuji or misao's half brother-#she feels as if he was taken from her by her own hand because misao felt all of this PRESSURE and responsibility to take care of him-#y'know? though misao knows that it wasn't kaiyah's fault of course that she couldn't take care of him that well. however regardless of-#whether it was or not it led her to feel like she DESPERATELY wanted to run away from her situation the more time went on-#and whenever kaiyah died that was kind of the straw that broke the camels back for her i think. like she couldn't-#deal with anything at that time and misao felt like she just HAD to leave even though she had someone depending on her.#and as a result she felt like she stripped both ryuuji of a good childhood + herself of a good relationship-#with her half-brother and it was all her fault. like if only she had been stronger then she could've stayed with him-#but she wasn't and misao honestly agonizes over that fact even though the situation is much more complicated-#than it being her fault because of everything that she was going through. and by that i mean the amount of despair-#she felt was IMMEASUREABLE + her emotional needs were not met so misao not knowing what to do when faced-#with a crisis as bad as your mother dying in front of you is honestly kind of understandable. so yeahhh #i feel like misao could really use a hug TBH but she probably wouldn't accept it even if someone offered one to her ):

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nerdynikki94 · 10 months

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Honestly? Did I want more from DTAMHD? Yes, I did. I wanted something signifying actual progression for Dennis' character (even just a crumb of genuine growth) , and I sincerely don't think we got that. However... we did get a fascinating insight into the process of his mind. Dennis' level of self-denial is so ironic and profound. He can't acknowledge the inevitability that he's middle-aged.

(I swear this episode honestly has given me an alt hc, that the show is based in his mind; because logistically, a man of his lifestyle and malnourishment could not commit the feats he is constantly sailing through. TGGB & DTAMHD... back-to-back? What happened to his hand? Did he even sprain it? Or is he just the most dramatic brat in the gang - clearly the latter.)

It is important to note that he didn’t fix the actual problem. He momentarily masked the symptoms, but ignore long-term help with blood pressure medicine is not going to fix the issue, nor is it going to protect him from fucking keeling over in a stressful situation (when he's not in a contained and quiet Doctor's exam room) and his blood pressure spikes.

I'm honestly a little jaded at this point (16 Fucking Seasons of crumbs, y'all), but if one were to continue 'trusting the structure' this episode conveyed a lot.

The B Plot: The pressure cooker. The metaphor parallels the building pressure Dennis quick-tempered bouts of rage. So, to toss out a little 'cat-in-the-wall' conjecture here: The pressure cooker is Dennis, but we all saw him eat that bloody diamond in the end and we all heard Mac's speech about coal turning into diamonds under massive pressure. Dennis' experience is a theory of pressure, he daydreams it all in the span of a minute or so. He's roleplaying with hypothetical obstacles. There's no risk. Maybe Dennis, isn't the pressure cooker, but the coal.

If I were to try and take anything hopeful out of this episode, it would be the way the narrative is showing us that this episode acknowledged that Dennis isn't ready yet. It's not his turn to break. It's going to take real, substantial pressure to get that diamond.

It was a hell of a misdirect (and honestly a little bit of a slap in the face), but if these characters live in the real world, where people are bound by the laws of mortality, then Dennis should have his time.

Genuinely, who fucking knows?

I'm not hating on the episode. We all know this is the trashy dick joke sitcom. I just thought that if Mac & Charlie could have moments of genuine heartbreak, culminating in deep catharsis, that maybe Dennis could have that too.... but no.

Can't wait to see the sunny dudebros miss the point & proclaim Dennis Reynolds - SA victim, traumatized individual with an emotionally tumultuous personality disorder - the new Andrew Tate.

I'm sorry, but yeah. I'm a little miffed. It was all a dream, and everything goes Dennis' way. Y'all I'm fucking tired. This was a great episode for Glenn, but a fucking frustrating episode for Dennis. I may have wanted a little macden, but all I cared about was seeing Dennis face the limitations of his mortality, to see that he's failing his body and his brain. He didn't have to actually take the medicine (I wouldn't expect him to), but Goddammit, everything seems to work out in his delusional favor. So, of course he's going to continue being delusional, and probably only change for the worse.

I'll say it: I wanted a broken Dennis, and we did not get that. He didn't even crack, the unbearble and apparently now canonical Golden God. That episode's title was intended to tease sunnyblr.

Excuse the plethora of tags. I just kept getting more irritated.

#what i take from the episode is further insight to the lengths of Dennis' repression which adds to my fic #iasip s16 #i will say this: i can't dislike this episode solely because of how phenomenal glennjamin's performance was.#I'd say I'm retracting the title of macden 'truther'. I'm still a stan. but this ep made me realize dennis is too coddled by the narrative #with TGGB he's constantly winning. even the game he doesn't stay to watch the end of. his body performing near miracles. wtf #the real reason I'm seriously bothered is the sunny dudebros. they already idolize dennis #this ep has only made it worse because the obvious point of Dennis' actual delusions will go right over their heads.#anybody with a grounded sense of reality can tell you that dennis did not solve a problem #he dreamt up a scenario in some kind of toxic meditation session. he's getting older. and his denial is metastasizing #Dennis' denial isn't sustainable. I'm kind of cutting off my investment in that regard. he's a fucking mess & he's currently being idolized #dennis reynolds #definitely not my favorite episode. not bc of lack of macden. a little bc Den needs limitations. mainly bc 'it was all a dream' is cheap #ranting.excuse me for wanting 1 of my fave characts actually have his poor health.self-destructive coping mechanism/trauma acknowledged #can't believe i was actually afraid i wouldn't be able to write because too much might happen in DTAMHD...! 🤣#it should've all happened. but instead ended w/him getting charges pressed when he tried to break into ceo's home #ngl. this one hurt. I'm ready for Mac to give up on Dennis. i just wish this fucking show would let him.#excuse me while i go bawl like a baby watching MFHP. because I'm heartbroken that Dennis' BPD makes him push Mac away.#let's just say that realization has been bogging me down in my personal life the last couple of days. & this bummed me out.#Robert McElhenney. I'm outside the studio screaming at you to just let Mac move on & actually meet someone!#I'm not saying he deserves a relationship. but fuck... after 40 yrs of repression can he at least have a fling & fall out of love w/Den?#Dennis won't ever let him meet someone. & he'll never treat Mac like he actually cares about him.bc his own vulnerability terrifies him.😭

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skrunksthatwunk · 1 month

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found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now #sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him #no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my #best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh #he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to #say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am #and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him #and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken #but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him #and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not #like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her #and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all #the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess #like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.

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