#gotta give them a little gap moe

[flowerakatsuka]

listening to stuff nakamura has sung yesterday got me thinking about mitsuki saiga's ( kuroba's voice claim ) singing and, by extension, kuroba's singing capabilities. saiga has a pretty pleasant singing voice, but i think it'd be really fucking funny if kuro was just like. horrifically tone deaf.

[thatwildnya]

Pov: you look and dress like Rika from Pokemon

no idea how tall Rika is but for these hcs imma say you’re 6 feet and just for fun you also have a clodsire named Muddy Buddy

notes: female pronouns used, images of Rika and clodsire at the bottom

Idia

he is winning in life and knows it

you are hot and cute and handsome and sexy all in one

does not believe in love at first sight but when y’all first met he might have changed his stance cuz DAMN YOU LOOKIN’ FINE AS HELL

happy he can hide behind you without having to bend down so much

loves the gap moe you have

your neutral expression makes you look so cool and dignified

then you see something cute and the way your face lights up makes his heart go into overdrive

Ortho also loves and adores you and Idia loves watching you interact

please please please do something hot like kabedon or use a finger to make him look up at you he will melt

just make sure you have access to a fire extinguisher at hand just to be safe-

he loves your big goofy looking buddy too

finds the big goof fascinating and a joy to play with and likes to use him as a portable AC when it’s scorching outside

he used to lay on him then he discovered that Mud can make some of his bones shoot out of his back after he let out a sneeze

thankfully he didn’t have his whole body draped over him-

dress up in a butler cosplay for him he will be foaming at the mouth

Epel

has a love hate relationship with your looks

on one hand you look so cool and awesome

but on the other you look so cool and awesome

he wants your gender give it to him

everytime without fail people confuse which is the girl and boy between you two

you do your best to help him pick outfits that will make him look more masculine

unfortunately you somehow always end up picking outfits that just make him look more feminine

it’s very weird and frustrating to both of you how does this keep happening

appreciates your height he can hide behind you when needed like Idia

you are the only person who can come up from behind and pick him up without warning

you have an unspoken agreement of how y’all cuddle

if you’re laying down he’s the big spoon but if you’re sitting up he’s snuggled into your side

met Muddy Buddy before you, his mama sent over his weekly crate of apples and he dropped some

Mud happened to be nearby and since Epel didn’t want them to go to waste he let him eat them

Mud would be waiting for him every week when he came to pick up his goods to get his share

Epel is more than happy to feed the big goof more often than not there are always some leftovers that go bad

Riddle

did not realize you were a girl until post blot battle

why you ask? because your shirt got torn and part of your bra was on display

the speed of him tying his cape around your chest would make a nasa race car envious

it’s a bit awkward after that but it gets worse after he fixes your tie during chapter 2(correct me if I’m wrong-)

he gets a nice close up of your face for the first time and realizes you are very attractive and it’s all downhill from there

his crush is very obvious and everyone is teasing him about it left and right

how do y’all end up an item? well when he heard you were staying with Leona cuz your dorm had been snatched he left so fast there was a dust cloud left behind in his wake

he’s all winded from his sudden marathon but that doesn’t matter

you are promised an actual bed and no chores

unfortunately for him it’s the night before azul’s overblot so you have to stay where you are for one more night

he was going to put you in his room and let you use his bed

once y’all finally get together you become a powerhouse duo

gotta do 14 stacks of paperwork bigger than grim? ha you’ll be done before dinner

you cannot tell me Riddle prefers to be the little spoon

he likes to snuggle into your chest and curl up

same as Epel you are the only one who can pick him up without warning and not get your head chewed off

Muddy Buddy is your son and is spoiled rotten between the two of you

Riddle makes sure he always gets a share when dessert is involved

one time he went to a study group with the other second years and Mud tagged along cuz you were busy

Kalim brought a cake (made by Jamil) to share during break but to Riddle’s horror there wasn’t enough available for Mud to get a share

as any good parent should do, he gave half to his son

Mud was delighted and to say thank you he gave his pops a big hug

study group was cut short due to Riddle almost dying of suffocation

Vil

you are the envy of every fashionista couple in the world

if the dictionary had a picture next to gender envy it would be you two

the moment you walked into the room for ch.5 auditions he knew you were going to be apart of the group whether you liked it or not

in this timeline Grim is the manager not you

y'all'd've slayed the competition but since Vil has to lose during the overblot fight you sprained your ankle or somethin’ or whatever idk you just don’t get to dance oof

you went to one of his modeling gigs and immediately got roped into doing a shoot with him

he 100% knew this would happen

now you are making bank and don’t have to rely on the crow for money

Crowley did bring up rent once but immediately retracted that after when an angry mob of teens showed up outside his office

his favorite thing to do with you is clothes and makeup shopping even if you whine and grump half the time

let him run wild every once in awhile he loves styling you up

has a love hate relationship with your pet to be honest

yes he is very sweet and cute but he is so messy dear seven

the derpy baby is not allowed inside until he was been rinsed and dried, has to be hand fed since food will get everywhere otherwise, and under no circumstances is he allowed anywhere near anything that holds Vil’s precious Gucci and Porsche clothes

one time Mud got a bit too excited and accidentally ruined a pair of his heels

naturally Vil got mad and in the heat of the moment yelled at him

of course he apologized once he cooled down but poor Mud was now scared of him and this broke Vil’s heart

he knows how much you love your derpy blob of a pet and that if he can’t fix this the two of you would end up separating

so he sets a master plan in motion

you get a distressed call from Epel about Vil having lost it and when you arrive you find that your beloved has turned an area of the dorm into a huge mud filled paradise complete with a pond and sprinklers

and to top it all off Vil has designed clothes specially made for him to play with Muddy Buddy

in that moment you knew you were going to marry this man

oh and he collects Mud’s poison but nobody knows what he does with it

Azul

power couple tm

you are the classiest couple in the school

loves that you’re tall he is 100% a clingy sleeper and there’s plenty for him to grab on

you help out with duties at the lounge ranging from paperwork to serving to bartending

he has 100% noticed an increase in sales whenever you're serving. the reason? you look damn good in the uniform it shows off all your best traits and your personality only increases your attractive meter

this was a win for him until customers started flirting with you and kept you in one place for longer than you should be

you were moved to the bar but that was even worse

the last straw was when one of Those kind of people got a bit too cocky and thought it would be a good idea to give your buttocks a slap

whether or not the twins were there to step in didn’t matter neither you nor Muddy Buddy were going to put up with that

nobody knows what the two of you did to the student since you dragged him into an empty room but he had transferred out before the end of the week (this happened on a Thursday)

and speaking of Muddy-

Azul has adopted him as his son and baby talks him but will never admit it

any leftovers go to him without question

always buying him new toys to slobber over and gets him little hats to match with both of you

even tho he refused to let you do anymore serving it wasn’t a huge loss

thanks to your child both of you are making bank

one of the VIP rooms was cleared out and turned into a room made specifically for spending time with Mud like some animal cafes have

because Mud is smart and loves his mama he only cooperates if 75% of the revenue goes to you how sweet~

Floyd constantly gets poisoned by him because he likes to squeeze him and Mud does not appreciate this so Azul forbids him and Jade from being left alone with the baby

why is Jade not allowed to be alone with the baby? you found out he was secretly collecting your son’s poison and he refuses to tell you the reason

[nalpurex]

i got souyo brainworms again and i gotta share some thoughts i have

this ones a long one so ill put a 'keep reading' thing here just in case yall dont wanna scroll past a wall of text

basically some headcanons about a healthy mix of chad narukami and normal yu, injecting loads of gap moe into this guy

(and it eventually devolves into some weird semi-story because my brains really spiralling here)

okok so, hear me out, chad narukami isnt that bad as an idea...? maybe as a more calm iteration, just another layer to yu

in the p4 manga, we get to see some of yu's backstory. (its been a while since ive read it so i might get some details wrong but) his parents are very busy people, always working and moving around, so yu's always moving around with them

because of this, hes a very independent but also lonely kid. poor guy doesnt talk much with his own mom and dad, and he never really have a good enough chance to form lasting friendships

so when he moves to inaba and starts making friends there, hes like 'oh i really want to keep these guys around...' so he starts putting up a bit of a persona (hah), some cool, unfazed guy that everyone can rely on thinking thats what people might like more. to his credit, it works pretty well, but its a bit stifling for yu himself. hes never had this many friends though, so he'll keep it up

we all know yosuke admires him quite a fair bit as is, just as a dependable friend and a strong leader. he looks up to yu in these aspects, thinking hes basically the perfect guy. (and lets never unpack that thought.) talented, charming, 'gets all the ladies', that kind of stuff

at some point its just the two of them, maybe walking home from school or something, yu gets pretty comfortable and his facade slips a little. maybe he says something completely silly, or heavens forbid theres a stray cat along the road! ("awww look at the little guy, cmeree, pspsps- oh- ahem- uh, its pretty cute...") it surprises yosuke quite a bit. he's thinking about it a lot as they part ways, it was... definitely a new side to his partner, but its also not a bad thing...

after that, yosuke starts noticing more small things about yu. whenever he invites anyone to share his lunch, its always something they like. whenever the IT are talking, he makes sure no one feels left out. he likes cats, a lot more than hes willing to show, and he loves nanako a whole lot too. his partner's... a bit of a softie under that calm and collected vibe, isnt he?

(alternatively, it'd be really funny if the entire IT knew? like "yeah, hes got a straight face all the time and sparkles fly around him whenever he strikes a pose, but hes got a dedicated schedule for hanging out with us and hes always asking when we're free. hes a big puppy, really.")

anyways, yosuke tries to encourage him to show more of this other side of him. stuff like "c'mon, we'll think you're cool either way!" and yu at first is a little hesitant, so yosuke suggests he just try it out with him

he feels some pride about it, because hes the first to learn about this side of yu! his partner trusts him the most, hes the most comfortable around him! (whats this strange other feeling? hm. dont like that.)

yu takes a little more time with the others, but theyre very welcoming about it nonetheless. specifically, they find it very charming! (making cute shapes in your bento? sewing cute stuffed toys with kanji? playing with literally every single stray cat you lay your eyes on? hell yeag.)

of course the facade doesnt completely shatter, because some parts of it are still true to yu. its just that he'll now crack the dumbest joke youve heard in your life with the same old straight face

(aaand now to derail for the sappy stuff huhuhu)

because yosuke's usually the first to be exposed to whatever new shenanigans yu's up to, eventually he starts getting some... weirder things. he brings some of it up to the other IT members and he looks insane, like:

"what? he hasnt been giving you guys origami?"

"why would he? i mean itd be cool, but thats just his part-time job isnt it? hes probably sick of paper cranes!"

"cranes... haha, yeah..." (as he thinks about the row of stupid paper animals sitting on his windowsill)

yu over time starts getting real sweet with yosuke, and he kind of gets the feeling he should just... keep this to himself...? especially when he doesnt see him acting this way with anyone else, and a small part of him wants to keep it to himself. all of this, just for him.

but that would be kind of gay, wouldnt it? hes not gay, is he...? he gets pretty happy whenever yu smiles at him, whenever he does something for him, but its just because he appreciates him as his partner... right?

eventually it all comes to a head when yu invites him to that... that spot high up in inaba. (ykno the one, its got the railing and shit.)

yosuke's climbing the hill, wondering whats yu gonna tell him, and at the top he sees him already waiting there as the sun's about to set on a nice breezy day

he kinda jokes a bit about it, like "damn did you ask me to come here now for the atmosphere?" but yu's strangely quiet

so they kinda just stand in a bit of an awkward silence before yu clears his throat... and confesses to yosuke.

...

they just. stare at each other for a bit. yosuke's at a loss, heat slowly rising in his cheeks, because what the hell?

and then yu explodes into a flustered mess, bumbling about "hey yeah man you dont have to accept if you dont wanna, i was just saying things yknow? you dont really have to-"

yosuke cuts him off, sighing a little. he tells him its okay, hes kinda had a feeling he felt the same way but he wasnt ready yet... and now his partner's confessing to his face, he cant really put it off anymore, can he?

("by the way, did you plan this? like, the timing and everything?"

"i... had a hard enough time saying 'i like you' with a straight face as it was, i kind of had to..."

"... ah.")

[ulabewriting]

Olja Agregor.

he/they.

TW : quite a bit of cursing, (mystical jerk)! ! !

• is supposed to grant you a wish but… declined every single one so far.

• “Soooo… I grant you one fucking wish, with absolutely no limits and the whole ass opportunity to go wild, and THIS is what you wanna wish for ? Yeah no. Think harder.”

• grinning and smirking 24/7. either that or staring into your soul like you’re the weirdest, most confusing creature ever. (quite ironic. eh.)

• his green skin shines in the moonlight. Frankly, when he’s just sitting on your windowsill, shutting his mouth for once, and the moon lights up his skin, making it seem so glittery; it’s one of the most gorgeous scene you’ve ever witnessed.

• 5’10 with a terrible posture.

• gremlin type of mf looking ethereal, somehow. The gap moe is insane–

• likes fruit. any fruit. He loves raspberries. He’ll pout and mumble a little “thanks” if you ever bring him some.

• has his own demonic(i guess-) grimoire to cast powerful, forbidden spells but fucking HATES reading. Never read the whole thing and never once used it.

• will lose his shit if you ever try to touch it, tho.

• “Get your disgusting little human hands away, DUMBASS, are you out of your GODDAMN MIND????”

• jealous bean. Not the kind to be over the top, but if you ever get home later than usual unannounced, he’ll definitely be pouting, floating away, arms crossed, his back facing you.

• “fuckin’ human, think they can just leave me alone like that”

• playful goblin jerk.

• “you were hanging out with WHO?? No wonder you can’t formulate one coherent wish for the life of you; you’re polluting your brain by befriending stupid idiots like that”

• “uh ? No, you’re a dumbass too. You’re definitely a dumbass, you’re just… You’re… alright. I guess.”

• suddenly blushing and avoiding your gaze.

• “no, i’m not fuckin blushing?? No, I’m not– Just– Just fuckin look away, shut your stupid mouth– i’ll send you to hell if you don’t shut it, you fuckin–”

• a tsundere. Obviously.

• bares his teeth like a dog when he’s pissed off.

• will swear up and down he hates your guts… but he gets worried out of his mind when you’re coming home late, fears you’re mad at him when you get silent, casts spells to make you warm when you’re cold, cleans your room while you’re away “just cuz he’s bored”, his eyes go wide in panic when you cry while watching a movie, always gives you a bite of his fruit, even when you say you don’t want any, is bitching on your “friends” when he feels they did you wrong, will get snappy if you tell him you’re seeing them again, stares at you when you sleep; not long enough to be a creep, just enough to make sure you’re real and still breathing…. . . .

• loves when you’re annoyed and actually snap back at him.

• “oh ?” he quirks his eyebrow, smirking devilishly, openly daring you to keep going. You’ve never seen him look this interested. This jerk–

• secretly cares about you. (he thinks he’s discreet enough and you have no idea but… oh well.)

• weirdly supportive. “C’mon. I know it’s hard waking up every day to study but you’re strong, you gotta do it, you’ll survive it, little troll.” / “Yeah, I think that’s about right. Hey, you’re not as stupid as you look, human!”

• talks big about himself all the time.

• “hey human, did I ever tell you about this one time I, ALONE, fought like THREE evil spirits, definitely by myself, and sent them back to the void? like, ALONE. I’m a fuckin legend, kid.”

• but surprisingly bad with compliments. Like, you’ll mention how cool you think his big witch-like hat is and here he goes, pouting again, furrowing his brows, mumbling little “thanks, yeah, whatever” while a darker shade covers his cheeks.

• twisted inferiority complex masked with a false superiority complex.

• gets sentimental every once in a blue moon. You get home and he’s all quiet, staring at nothing. When he seems to register that you’re here, he looks at you. Like, really looks at you. His yellow eyes dive into your soul and seem to admire your whole existence.

• “It’s actually… nice, being here with you.”

• insanely protective. Oh my god– don’t you DARE going out without a coat or skipping breakfast, “your weak human system needs it”.

• hums the same tune all the time. You’ve asked multiple times what it was but he never really answered. His voice is warm and comforting. You bet he sings like an angel. (he does :] )

• loves cats! especially black cats. (“mf felines as dark as my soul”, he said.)

• sometimes you joke around about summoning another creature to have some company and his face goes dark in annoyance. “I don’t need another dickhead circling around my human all day.”

• likes to flick your forehead when you’re not paying attention to him.

• please pay attention to him. He desperately needs it, for some reason. He’ll definitely tease you for doing so. “What ? Becoming my biggest fan already ? Can’t get enough of me, uh ?” but will pout if you don’t.

• can seem very…. explosive, but never really gets angry. Nothing more than a tough exterior, honestly.

• wraps his tail around your wrist to pull you close to him. He’s too proud to openly ask for cuddles but… you know that’s his signal.

• LOVES cuddles. He’ll just never admit it. ;)

• his symbol is a flower : lily of the valley. Sometimes he just makes one appear in his palm and stares at it in silence, like he’s dimensions away from here. You’re not exactly sure what his link to it is.

• whenever he starts pestering about something, just take off his huge hat and slide your fingers in his hair and he’ll instantly melt– not remembering what he was even saying, closing his eyes and humming in pleasure, pressing his head harder against your hand.

• likes to bite. Even though he has the longest, pointiest, most terrifying fangs you’ve ever seen, he somehow manages to never really hurt you. You know… just enough to mark.

• once, he annoyed you so much, you threw your pillow in his face, hitting him straight in the nose and causing his hat to fall on the ground. It’s his personal mission to make you do it again one day.

• likes to rate your outfits just when you’re about to walk out the door. “Hm mh, ok, yeah, you’re definitely serving today, that’s a 10 for sure.”

• follows you around your house like some kind of lost puppy. Gets hella defensive when you point it out.

• “Me ? Your fuckin’ pet? Do I need to remind you I’m from the deepest pit of hell, you dookie head??”

• rolls his eyes as hard as he can whenever you ask for a new wish.

• But what IF…. the only reason he refuses to grant you a wish is… because he knows once he does; meaning his mission is accomplished, he’ll disappear again. And so, what IFFFFFF…. he just doesn’t want to leave your side so he won’t grant you no fucking wish to remain with you forever– I’m just saying WHAT IFFFFF———

[moemoemammon]

Ok. I need to get this idea out to someone. Solomon and mc are messing with potions for class and he accidentally gives mc a “youth” potion that makes you look younger. It turns mc into like a 4 year old for like a couple of days. What do you think would be the demon brothers (any) reaction to babysitting their master? What would they do? Idk i think it would be a little funny.

You’ve Gotta Be KIDding me, MC!

(Feat. GN!MC and the Demon Bros)

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Lucifer

He'll be exchanging words with that sorcerer bastard later. You can bet on that.

Lucifer doesn't take kindly to the idea of MC having run ins with magic in general, but at least this seems to be on the tamer side of the magical spectrum. And he had to admit, it's sort of amusing.

He intentionally watches you try to handle things on your own. Be it reaching for things too high up, stubbornly carrying things too heavy for your tiny arms, or making messes when you try to tidy up, Lucifer waits patiently until you ask for help (or until he can't take it anymore).

Treats you like he always does, despite your size. He doesn't talk to you like a child, or try to force toys and nap times onto you, but may or may not tease you when it's only the two of you. After all, you may look like a child, but that doesn't mean you are one. It's still funny to harass you a little, though.

"As independent as you may be, please refrain from trying to climb up onto the counter. If you need something, ask one of my brothers, or myself. If that isn't obvious enough, perhaps a 'time-out' is in order?"

Mammon

When Mammon recovers from laughing for twenty minutes, (and also making threats on Solomon's life) he then decides to take a billion pictures of you. Now calls you 'munchkin' and variations of it.

And if you thought he was clingy before, just wait till you see how he is now. You're ACTUALLY helpless and vulnerable. I mean, you'd hardly make an appetizer for a random demon! So Mammon's gotta keep an eye on you. Maybe even a toddler leash-

Unintentionally treats you like an actual child. His older brother mode kicks in, and he finds himself taking care of you as naturally as breathing. Mammon? Being responsible?? It's more likely than you think.

He hands you a cup of juice before you can say 'I'm thirsty'. He'll slide over some sliced up fruits before your stomach has a chance to growl. You're tired? No kidding. That's why he's got a blanket and pillow on the sofa for you.

"Where do ya think you're goin', short stack? Nowhere without ME, that's where! I already told ya, if there's somethin' ya need, just tell me!" "Huh? I'm spoilin' ya too much? S-so what if I am?!"

Levi

Solomon came in with a child in tow that looked a hell of a lot like MC, and this man nearly had a heart attack. There's no way... did those two have a secret love child?! Th-that's just-!! Oh, it's only MC.

WAIT A MINUTE...TH-THIS IS....! ISNT THIS JUST LIKE 'DETECTIVE C*NAN'? Uwaaah... Just look at you! You're still just as smart as before, but you've become super small! Talk about the ultimate gap moe!!!

Levi isn't a big fan of the idea of tiny, sticky hands touching his things, so he's glad you've still got your normal brainpower. That being said, he finds himself talking to you normally. Maybe even easier than before!

It kinda throws him off that you guys can't do the things you'd normally do together. Your fingers don't have their usual dexterity so playing games is a challenge, and your attention span is a little shorter so these TSL marathons are killing you. But have no fear, Levi knows a ton of other things you could do together! He won't let something like this spoil his time with his dear Henry!

"If you can't use the controller, let's try something that doesn't need one! I've got a new Ruri Hana VR game with REAL motion and voice tracking! If you say the spells out loud, you'll cast them in game! Ah, and it auto-adjusts to the player's height, so there's nothing to worry about!"

Satan

HES DOING HIS BEST NOT TO LAUGH. SATAN WILL HANDLE THIS WITH POISE AND GRACE, BUT MAN....

Watching you struggle to enter the House of Lamentation in your oversized RAD uniform nearly sent him to the stratosphere. He inhaled tea when you almost tripped over your blazer and had to get a couple of slaps on the back from Asmo.

Does his best to find a cure for your 'little' problem, but the most that can be done is waiting it out. In the meantime, would you like him to read you a story? Large books are probably difficult on your tiny hands.

Constantly catches himself treating you like a tot. He's not trying to, but he can't help himself when he sees your round eyes staring up at him, or when he watches you try to climb up onto an armchair.

"Up we go- There. It must be hard for you, having to climb up into the chairs like that. I've got a stool if you'd like to use it? Though, I don't mind if you sit on my lap, too." "Hm? I'm embarrassing you? I-I didn't realize how overzealous I was being. Ehem...."

Asmo

Oh that Solomon and his silly spells and potions, always making trouble! It's just one of his many charm points! And seeing as there are no permanent consequences from this harmless mishap, Asmo's enjoying it to the fullest.

Can you blame him? You're SOOOO cute~! So tiny and adorable! Why would've know that was possible?? Look this way, MC! He wants to take some pictures of you! Lowkey uses you as a photo op prop

He used to work part time at a daycare, you know? Asmo's great with kids! But that also means he's treating you like one. There's personalized snacks, cute little nicknames, and he's already gone and bought you a week's worth of clothes. Nobody tell him it'll only last a day-

He can be a little annoying with the baby talk and all the little activities he's planned for you, but you can tell he's enjoying himself.

"MC, look~! I've got plenty of ribbons to decorate your hair with! I'll let you choose your favorites, and then we can set out in town!" "Hm? Where are we going? To the playground, silly! You must be dying for a play date after being stuck in this dreary house all day, right?"

Beel

He was kinda teetering between whether or not he should throw Solomon across the yard like a football when he saw him carrying a teeny MC, but all was forgiven when he learned it was an accident.

Has now designated himself the permanent MC carrier. Your feet will never touch the ground so long as you're a child. And it's no problem for the likes of Beel, when you're as light as a feather! That makes him a little more conscious about being careful with you though-

Be it piggybacking or carrying you in his arms, he hasn't released you since he's spotted you. And don't think he's forgotten about feeding you. Beel's also taken your meal prep upon himself. You'll prefer things that've easy to eat, right? Though it kills gum to give you smaller portions than usual.... it feels cruel...

Somewhere between babying you and treating you as usual. He speaks normally to you as he always does, but prioritizes your needs over everything else. He wants to make sure you're well taken care of until this potion wears off.

"You're sure you've had enough to eat? I know I gave you a snack earlier, but... to think you really can't eat as much as before.. I'll talk to Solomon again. It must be torture to have such a tiny stomach, I'll do my best to get you back to normal."

Belphie

There's obvious opportunity here, and Belphegor won't let it go to waste. (No not for murder)

He's getting a kick about your new mini mode. How's the weather down there? Do you need him to pick you up so you can reach the high shelves? Don't worry, he'll get you a sippy cup.

When the teasing has settled down, he pays attention to a more pressing matter: you're now the perfect side for cuddling. You're a living hot water bottle, not too big, not too small, tiny and soft and adorable. Er, he won't mention that last part though.

Anyway, Belphie thinks a little kid like you should go on and take a nap now. It's exhausting having such short legs and wandering around the house all day, right? He gets it. You look tired and he knows the solution.

"Ah, you're just as cozy as I thought you'd be... Though, it feels kind of weird holding you like this. It's like holding a stuffed animal, but you're not nearly as cute." "Pfft, what's that face for? Sorry, sorry, I was only teasing."

[osakaso5]

La Danse Macabre Rabbit TV Part 4: The Fourth Intermission

Part 3

Momo: Ah, Haruka! Great job out there!

Haruka Isumi: Ah... ...Y-you too...

Momo: You haven't had any trouble during filming, have you?

Haruka Isumi: ...Trouble...

Haruka Isumi: Not me personally, but I'm not sure about him...

Momo: Who?

Haruka Isumi: ...Rokuya-san.

Nagi Rokuya: Yamato! Hug me!

Yamato Yamato: Give me a break..! We JUST hugged!

Nagi Rokuya: I want another!

Yamato Nikaido: I'm not gonna keep embarrassing myself for you..!

Momo: Ahaha! Oh, you meant Nagi. He's been like that 24/7 lately!

Haruka Isumi: He always acts like that? That's kinda different from how I imagined him...

Momo: The cool prettyboy and the guy who can't contain his love for his teammates are both Nagi, y'know!

Momo: What about your group? Do you guys have the kind of relationship where you can show each other even the more embarrassing parts of yourselves?

Haruka Isumi: ...I... I think we do.

Momo: Okay! That's good to hear!

Yamato Nikaido: Momo-san! Help me out, here. You and him are both in the Church of Nerve, so maybe you could get him to stop...

Momo: Nyahaha! But Nagi acts completely different during the shoots.

Momo: We don't get to film with the rest of you nearly as much, so it makes sense that he'd get a little lonely.

Nagi Rokuya: OH, worry not, Mister Momo. I have Yamato firmly in my arms.

Yamato Nikaido: And I'm telling you to let go of me, already..!

Momo: Even Haruka's shocked to see the guy who said lines like, "'Tis a man-made Heaven, but it needs a Hell below to prosper" acting this way!

Haruka Isumi: ...I was just a little surprised...

Nagi Rokuya: Hehe. Thank you, Isumi-shi.

Haruka Isumi: T-that wasn't really a compliment...

Nagi Rokuya: You have plenty of gap moe, yourself.

Haruka Isumi: Moe..?

Yamato Nikaido: Nagi. Don't go teaching the kid any weird anime lingo, now.

Nagi Rokuya: ...Right, my mistake. What I should have said is that you are much like Arme.

Haruka Isumi: Huh?

Nagi Rokuya: I happened to overhear you talking to your grandmother on the phone the other day...

Nagi Rokuya: You had the gentlest voice when you told her that you would return home soon.

Yamato Nikaido: Wow, really!? Come to think of it, you do live  with your grandma.

Momo: Oh my gosh~! That's the kind of stuff that really gets me emotional..!

Haruka Isumi: Wha... I thought nobody would be around to hear that..!

Yamato Nikaido: Ah, sorry about him, Isumi-kun. Nagi's got a knack for hiding his presence...

Haruka Isumi: A "knack" for it..?

Momo: ...Hold up. Nagi, teach me how to hide my presence!

Yamato & Haruka: Huh?

Nagi Rokuya: Oh, there are moments when you wish not to be seen?

Momo: ...I wanna film Yuki's daily life without him noticing.

Nagi Rokuya: Hm, I see...

Haruka Isumi: They're actually having a serious discussion over spying on people...

Yamato Nikaido: You're better off ignoring them. Trust me.

Momo: Besides, I think it'll help me play Eternea better!

Nagi Rokuya: ...Very well. I shall teach you a method of subterfuge anyone can use.

Momo: Please, Master Nagi!

Nagi Rokuya: The most important step is adaptive movements.

Yamato, Momo, & Haruka: Adaptive movements...

Nagi Rokuya: You must be aware of the other person's movements, without so much as looking at them. Match your walking speed with theirs, for example.

Momo: Uh-huh...

All: .......

Nagi Rokuya: I feel thirsty...

Yamato, Momo, & Haruka: .......

Nagi Rokuya: I do believe I left my phone over here...

Yamato, Momo, & Haruka: .......

All: .......

Nagi Rokuya: My suspicions have been confirmed. Not one of you could ever hope to become a spy.

Momo: Ah..! Crap, we were all following Nagi around..!

Haruka Isumi: I-I didn't even mean to do it...

Yamato Nikaido: ...Wait, who said anything about becoming a spy!?

Nagi Rokuya: Good grief. You cannot be trusted with looking after Misericorde if this is the best you can do.

Momo: N-now he's switching around the characters in the drama, too..!?

Nagi Rokuya: ...The role of Misericorde is very important. Since I have been chosen to play him, I shall fulfill my duty, even if it means betraying my friends.

Nagi Rokuya: However... I wanted to do at least one battle scene!

Momo: Ah, you and me both! As Nerve, we're basically the only noncombatants in the story.

Yamato Nikaido: I guess you are. You guys are so strong spiritually that I kinda forgot...

Momo: Yeah. We can be super imposing. That's why I really gotta hand it to Arme, or rather, his actor Haruka!

Haruka Isumi: ...Me?

Momo: You're probably not used to working with us yet, but you still manage to get past all the scenes that are really intense and tiring on you mentally just fine.

Momo: Lots of people get swept up in people's performances, but you never let that happen to you.

Momo: Your role's a really tough one, but let's both do our best!

Haruka Isumi: Y-yeah..!

Momo: By the way, Yamato, Yuki thinks your role fits you perfectly. Isn't that great!?

Yamato Nikaido: Why would it be great!?

Momo: Also, he said being ordered around by you gave him chills, Nagi!

Nagi Rokuya: Oh dear. It appears I have made yet another soul my captive.

Haruka Isumi: U-um... Everyone.  

Yamato Nikaido: Hm? What is it?

Haruka Isumi: ...I've been learning a lot from working with you. Thank you very much.

Haruka Isumi: I'll continue to do my best.

Yamato Nikaido: Yeah! Right back at you.

Nagi Rokuya: Heh. We are all counting on you.

Momo: Ahaha! You're so cute, Haruka. No need to be so formal!

Momo: I know, we should all go do karaoke after this! I mastered PoiGang the other day!

Haruka Isumi: Huh!? Whose parts did you sing?

Momo: Toma's! I can even do the rapping parts!

Haruka Isumi: W-wow..!

Momo: Yamato, you sing Minami's parts. Nagi, you're on Torao duty!

Nagi Rokuya: OH! I have been entrusted with yet another important role. Let us give our all, Yamato!

Yamato Nikaido: A-are we really gonna do karaoke together..? I don't know if I have the nerves to sing in front of you guys...

Momo: Got it... Got it... Got it...

Yamato & Nagi: Say wassup!

Haruka Isumi: Ahaha! That was good!

Nagi Rokuya: Perhaps I should even make myself appear more like Mido-shi. Shall I take off my shirt?

Yamato Nikaido: And how do you suggest I make myself look like Natsume-chan..?

Haruka Isumi: Uh... First, you need to make your eyes droopy...

Momo: I've got tape, if you need any!

Yamato Nikaido: I'm not gonna have to do some kind of weird party tricks for you, am I!?

Haruka Isumi: Ah... Or you could tilt your head up a little and make a face like you can see right through us.

Yamato Nikaido: Uh, sure...

Haruka Isumi: Rokuya...-san, you need to stand more proudly...

Nagi Rokuya: Like this?

Momo: Ahaha! That looks really good! Let me style my hair a bit differently, too!

Haruka Isumi: U-um, would any of you mind if I took a picture of this?

Momo: Of course not! It'll make for a nice behind-the-scenes shot, won't it? C'mon, scoot over!

Haruka Isumi: Ahh...

Yamato Nikaido: I guess I'll just have to grin and bear it!

Nagi Rokuya: This will be a picture for the ages!

All: Peace! 

End of Part 4.

[yappacadaver]

obviously we're all a bunch of little freaks, but what specific kinks/scenes do you think are the hottest when it comes to kk/ob??? ur fans need to know ;__;

!!!!!!!! I have fans? O_O! I'd give u all party favors for coming to my blog i s2g

My biggest thing with these two is "they can make each other worse" pre-war and then "they can make each other better" post-war

making each other worse is so much sexier tho ToT I like Tobi to be unhinged, manipulative, a troll, and sadistic. I think he's really hot when he's being insane! I like the idea of him severely fucking with kakashi while he has the advantage of keeping all his secrets close.

Mostly this is about kakashi though. I just love the "gap moe". I recently learned about this concept and it's like getting a diagnosis, i finally have the words to describe why kakashi has blorbo status xD He's a tough scary dude who is highly competent and lethal... but he is ALSO goofy, soft, bashful, and prefers to be passive. I need to see that soft side, and maybe watch someone stick a knife it it O_O

so, all in all, for these two (pre-war) I like humiliation, degradation, bdsm (can i write that? will i get nuked?), overstim, edging, pred-prey, dubcon, ahegao, predicament, basically anything that emphasizes a power-gap and makes them insane that isn't unsanitary. Not into any "daddy" stuff though i find it weird xD I jsut want tobi to do sexual batsu games with kakashi without any sort of impact on the overarching plot lol

and im really REALLY obsessed with kakashi being humiliated via icha icha i mean... That scene where he had to read portions aloud awakened something in my 15 year old heart. Now that I'm an adult I gotta get all that shit out of my system xDDD

[vr2]

a warm take but game diluc is the hotter diluc by virtue that all canon dilucs we are offered are mediocre. the reason ingame diluc looks bad is because hes just ugly and the models honestly lack variation and are reductive with how much they limit the actual character design. i stick to the fact that physically imposing beefy diluc with his cold face, soft hair and fucking terrifying blood-red eyes is hot because the gap moe of a huge sadistic murder knight who runs around frothing at the mouth during the night but is actually a sweet big brother type who wants to look out for everyone in his entire town is peak moe. my brain is huge and i make all the rules. making him a skinny twink is not bad but its like ... this is like venti without the melancholy or his little hat, whats da point? no flavour at all, i diagnose you with termimally bland. cooki cutter.

genshin itself fails to communicate any charm or depth of his actual character design esp in the manga where they blatantly bastardize him into being even more generic which is a crying shame because kaeya and amber’s specific designs really shine in the manga. i think its a symptom imo of wanting gacha characters to appeal to everyone all the time rather than be niche or polarising bc that way you maximise profitability. idk why but it really feels like of all the gacha games ive played genshin chars have this certain like ... squeaky clean quality that feels like theyve been designed by a committee of like 30 people to minmax consumer receptiveness rather than have any texture to them, all the edges rounded off til they just sort of slip through your fingers but the bsns execs do not understand that the grit is where all the fun parts grip their little teeth into your flesh! i am out here valiantly doing damage to every generic anime boy twinks physical and mental integrity to try and fix this problem.

i can understand people going insane over every new character in genshin when yea they all look like pop candy anime design its very fun! but theyre disappointingly lacking in anything truly exciting and i think they always will do because its both the limitations of the models, strict adherence to certain design tropes and marketability. i think the closest they came to making a truly fucking cool character design was with kaeya and xq even then i think both require a bit of legwork to really reach the turning point of fucking cool. with everyone else, after the music video, intro, leaks w/e, as soon as you break through the surface appeal they kind of feel toothless. i feel like as cool as they can make characters look i really doubt they have it in them to make a characters that doesnt rely heavily on tropes to look good. most of the charm of these characters is well and truly just like a mass hallucination and sheer fucking will, am all for it but i wish billion dollar game company could step up and make something exciting with all the talent at their disposal but it feels like the more money you give them the more theyll just continue to pump out next hot new cool shiny anime character who was always totally meant to exist and isnt just retroactively added to the story then immediatelt forgotten about two minutes after release. not to mention as we’re a bit further in, visually, it’s beginning to feel a bit stale already. everything is different from the last but never truly breaking out of convention, one after another ... 

tldr you gotta stop taking the e-numbers out of my dluc m*hoyo, he needs the flavour

[omisbreakfast]

tell me about your fav a3! boys. give me your top three. tell me why they’re you’re favorite & if you’re able to, gimme one thing about them that pisses you off to no end <3 muah

this ended up kinda long

1. kazunari. honestly, i never knew why i love kazunari so much, but i do. he’s always been from the moment i met him and that’s just how it is. i guess i can somewhat relate to him ? not really. i’m not nearly as nice as him, but forcing yourself to change because people used to cast you out because of your nerdy ways? yeah. i like that he’s interested in so many things, he’s a curious soul and never seem to stop wanting to learn. (well, art-subjects at least). i like that instead of getting discouraged of the future, he looked at himself, and just found something for him and him only. i respect that a lot. also, i’m never gonna say it enough, but, basic respect is common sense, but being kind is a choice. and he is kind. maybe a little too much, i don’t know, but you gotta give him props. yes, he’s a people pleaser so that’s what he does, but at least he’s fucking dedicated to it. and as far as i’m concerned, he’s doing a damn good job.

one thing i say that pisses me off about him ? i guess the fact he probably use social media as a form of validation. i mean, i get it, i used to have some really cringe moments, but yeah. babe you shouldn’t need to have 600 likes on every pictures to feel accomplished. :( but do i really blame him ? nah. it’s the insecurity.

2. omi. listen. LISTEN. i’m in love with soft gentle giants and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. i know some people find him boring because he’s “too perfect” (kinda like sakuya. also if you think that, fuck off.), but you guys realize he probably had to work on himself a shit lot to get where he is ? he used to be in a gang, alright. i don’t think he used to be as nice as we know him. and i respect that amount of work he probably spend to improve himself. also, this is just me, but i like that he got revenge for his best friend. i like that he just didn’t leave it at that and said “if i do like them, i’m no better.” (this is the most bullshit thing). he went out of his way to accomplish his revenge. and then he turned his life for the better. and that’s respectable of him. besides, mad respect to the guy, because he’s the oldest of many brothers and he had to learn how to take of them before taking care of himself at a young age. it sucks, ok. probably why he had some wild years to release the pressure. and now he’s taking care of the youngest of mankai like they’re family. that’s.. so sweet ? also, i’m obligated to mention that he’s absolute husband material now. i’m proposing right now.

one thing that piss me off about him... i guess it’s how he probably convinced himself that negatives emotions are EVIL and he doesn’t allow himself to be sad. or angry. at all. so he just repress his feelings and hope it’ll pass. but it is okay. i just him to express himself without being scared people are gonna hate him for it.

3. juza. oh my god. ok. so. if you’ve been following me for a bit you know i’m lowkey obsess with the guy. if you saw it, no you didn’t. i guess it’s because of the soft gentle giant trope as well, like omi. did you notice that my favs are very nice persons ? yeah. i just. mad respect to them. i guess the gap moe also plays a part? scary looking guy who turns out to be a total softie ? yeah, that’s pretty neat. listen. physically i am here, mentally i am on date with juza hyodo. he’s just <333. i’m trying to find words. i just woke up. i love that, like kaz, he’s working hard on himself to change. wanting to affirm himself, being to talk to people more easily. also, i like that he stood up for that one kid. also, his quote “even one person believing you can make a difference”. (or something like that). LISTEN. i dont where this is going. i just love juza hyodo (a normal amount, of course). and a big respect for not going mental when your roommate is a 6ft asshole who thinks everything is super easy and have everything going on for him. because lords know i would have become violent.

one thing that piss me off about him... his lack of self confidence. i mean, i guess i get it, but still. he’s canonically handsome, he’s kind, hardworking, loves sweets and just want to be left alone. unproblematic. and literally is no worst than others. baby, why do you lack confidence ?? i have this hc that if he smiled more he would have people fawn over him all over, instead of being scared. so please, some self confidence for juza hyodo 2k20. let’s start a petition.

[ghostietea]

Akito × Author

It was a day in a season after the rona' had subsided, and Anya was on a mission:3. They rolled up to da Sohma estate and walk right in through the wall hole :O. "SHIGURE!!!" they said "I am taking ur girlfriend rights away! Meet me in the courtyard at 12 swords drawn" (ง'̀-'́)ง Then they fought and Shigure fell on his ass XD and Anya won ᕙ(`▽´)ᕗ, because they are lesbian and haven't you seen utena? (Just a little reference uwu) Akito, dazzled by this audacious newcomer, realizes she is a gay and also that Shigure is a butt (finally ὺ.ύ) Akito goes to say hi to Anya and they try to seduce her but actually pass out from gay (╥﹏╥). When they awake Akito asks to be their gf (○=○) but ALAS it is TOO LATE, Anya has to go back to the U.S. (America) to complete their school things :,(:,(:,( "Gotta go" they said, giving their gf a first goodbye kiss "I'll wait for you." said Akito in a 1/2 grumpy 1/2 cute gap moe way (Aki's so kawaii ≥^.^≤) They leave behind nothing but the scent of whatever shampoo was on sale last month and a referral card to a therapists office. After 4 long yrs ╯.╰, Anya returns (`▽´)!!! Akito, who has made friends and went to therapy and texted with Anya, meets them at the airport in her stupid little gay theater kid outfit and they... HOLD HANDS :O!!! Then they r wives but Anya does not tell her frens her waifu used 2b evil because she's supposed to have good taste the end!!!! (っ◕‿◕)っ ♥(っ◕‿◕)っ ❤ (thank u 4 reading!!!:3 no haterz ὸ.ό!)

[momestuck]

Epilogues: Meat ch 28-32 [Epilogue 5]

So now we’re in different hands.

chapter 28

We return to John, this time with alt-Calliope narrating about his alarmingly blunt teeth. Also on further thought I have no more reason to use ‘she’ pronouns for alt-Calliope than proper Calliope (alt-Calliope does not even seem to use the name Calliope in narration, just things like ‘the dead cherub’), so I will use they pronouns, and will edit the previous post to reflect that.

alt-Calliope declares that they are not going to be ‘inserting thoughts into peoples’ heads’, though they will be ‘truthfully’ reporting those thoughts with more clarity than the subject of narration is necessarily prepared to acknowledge.

john would be mortified with human embarrassment if he could understand the clarity and precision with which i am willing to telegraph his thoughts. but his embarrassment is irrelevant to me. as always, the truth is paramount.

This mortifying description of how John thinks of Terezi includes a reference to “gap moe”, because of f u c k i n g course it does.

John worries if this makes him like a creepy weeb who collects body pillows, but in dialogue dismisses this as something that would only make sense to a human. Unfortunately, Tegiri exists to disprove that sentiment!

Despite alt-Calliope’s avowed dedication to ‘truth’, there is obviously more to this than not contradicting the ‘truth’ of events or thoughts... she is deciding how to present the ‘true’ information, what to state and what to leave implicit and what to brush over. a story also concerns what’s ‘relevant’ and ‘essential’, as Rose said so long ago.

chapter 29

Jane, it seems, has been using the trickster-mode lollipop during her campaign. This leads to an argument with the narration about whether or not it’s “problematic” - neither Jane nor alt-Calliope think so, though neither can be considered someone presented in a 100% positive light at this point...

(Jane mostly argues in the in-universe political campaign situation, when of course the argument about ‘trickster mode’ was the whole ‘caucasian’ shitshow)

Anyway, despite her prior statements, alt-Calliope is not above interfering in the narration if it’s for the sake of cherub artefacts.

jane rubs her eyes under her glasses and groans. trickster mode is also quite exhausting. what a strange quirk of human biology that excess euphoria must necessarily be followed by crippling despair. she carelessly tosses the lollipop on the floor, lurches toward her desk...

no.

she turns around promptly, her body jolted by the surprise of her sudden reversal. she bends over, cradles the lollipop reverentially, and situates it carefully in a place signifying respect: atop the mantle, after clearing space for it by shoving several brittle, worthless objects to the floor.

alt-Calliope narrates that she’s totally got Dirk’s number - “he probably thinks he’s a very clever boy, my brother did too” - as Dirk works on a long red rifle in between other tasks designed to distract.

Jane wonders about trying to blackmail Jake by revealing that he’s been having sex with trolls. Dirk challenges this as xenophobic. There’s an odd exchange...

JANE: What ISN’T xenophobic?

DIRK: Well, for one thing, what you just said there?

DIRK: Probably also xenophobic.

JANE: WHAT?

DIRK: Sorry, that’s just how it is.

DIRK: You either gotta roll with the woke shit, or decide to commit laborious, symbolic, melodramatic suicide in the process of utterly giving up.

This may be referring to his suicide in the other branch, I guess? idefk what this is trying to say ><

chapter 30

Karkat and Dave are attempting to win over Jake. This involves a lot of jokes about “neoliberal austerity measures”, super pacs, and so on... and the two of them playing off each other. Dave has been presenting “visionary”, “avant-garde” campaign ads based on SBAHJ.

alt-Calliope notes that Jake has now been freed from Dirk’s indirect narrative control, able to make his own decisions. In tiny text, Dirk grumbles about this. Without his control, he declares, Jake is a purely reactive ‘dead bug’; with it, Jake is like an ant controlled by Cordyceps towards a “greater purpose” (i.e., reproducing Cordyceps ¬¬)

Anyway, Karkat ultimately makes a speech: he doesn’t say he’ll be the best president, but that whichever one wins, it will set a precedent on the matter of troll reproductive rights that will last for a very long time. Jane is, necessarily, far more concerned with nice appearances than doing right:

KARKAT: NO MATTER HOW NICE SHE WAS WHEN YOU WERE KIDS, HER DEDICATION TO THE APPEARANCE OF THAT “NICENESS” HAS ALREADY LED HER DOWN A PATH OF CORRUPTION AND DUPLICITY.

KARKAT: BECAUSE WHEN YOU LIVE INSIDE A SKIN THAT’S A LIE, YOU’LL EITHER GROW TO FIT IT, OR COLLAPSE UNDER THE UNBEARABLE WEIGHT OF YOUR OWN SHIT-SPEWING COGNITIVE DISSONANCE.

KARKAT: TRUST ME, I FUCKING KNOW, BECAUSE I USED TO SPEW AN UNTOLD AMOUNT OF SHIT.

I think this is well put. I think it gets to the heart of a lot of things, that this story is talking about, apart from the free will/alternate possibilities stuff...

Anyway, that wins Jake over to their side.

chapter 31

Back to Terezi eating weird things in space. (Nice!)

Do god tiers need to eat? ...come to think of it, Terezi never actually went god tier.

Anyway, Terezi and John have a heart to heart. About the doomed timeline... and about Vriska. Terezi refers to the Remem8er flash, where she found a connection with the Terezi from the Game Over timeline.

TEREZI: TH4TS WHY 1M OUT H3R3

TEREZI: YOU S33...  

TEREZI: TH4T DOOM3D T3R3Z1 M1SS3D VR1SK4 *SO* MUCH, 1T W4S L1K3 4 HOL3 1N H3R H34RT

TEREZI: 1 R3M3MB3R TH3 W4Y SH3 F3LT, B3C4US3 ON3 T1M3, 4LL H3R M3MOR13S C4M3 FLOOD1NG B4CK

TEREZI: 1 3V3N GOT TO S33 WH4T H4PP3N3D WH3N SH3 D13D

TEREZI: SH3 4ND 4NOTH3R VR1SK4 GHOST F1N4LLY FOUND 34CH OTH3R

TEREZI: 1T M4D3 M3 SO H4PPY G3TT1NG TO F33L TH4T, 4S 1F 1T W4S ON3 OF MY OWN M3MOR13S

TEREZI: 1T JUST R31NFORC3D TH3 F33L1NG TH4T TH3R3 W4S SOM3TH1NG SP3C14L B3TW33N US

TEREZI: 4ND 1 JUST K3PT H4NG1NG ON TO TH4T B3L13F, R1GHT UP UNT1L...  

TEREZI: OH, 1 DONT KNOW

TEREZI: NOW???

TEREZI: 1V3 PR4CT1C4LLY D3VOT3D MY L1F3 TO C3RT41N M3MOR13S, TO TH3 1D34 TH4T TWO P3OPL3 C4N B3 M34NT TO B3 W1TH 34CH OTH3R ON SOM3 COSM1C L3V3L, 3V3N 1F TH3Y 4LW4YS S33M TO G3T 34CH OTH3R 1NTO TROUBL3

TEREZI: 4LL TH4T 1NV3STM3NT, 4LL TH4T S34RCH1NG...  

TEREZI: 4ND FOR *WH4T*?

TEREZI: OV3R 4 SW33P TOG3TH3R, 4ND SH3 JUST D1S4PP34RS 1NTO THE VO1D 4G41N?!

TEREZI: WH4T 4 HUG3 B1TCH

T_T

Anyway, this gets to the crux of the matter: Earth C may supposedly be paradise, but it doesn’t feel like it for either of them. To quote a certain book series, “perhaps some people just don’t have the knack of being happy”.

Anyway, Terezi can’t bear to part with John just yet - so she offers to take a look at his tooth wound. There’s a very funny moment where alt-Calliope narrates the blade drawing in a way so as to personally antagonise Dirk, who is pissed.

Terezi removes the poisonous tooth and then dresses John’s wound - I’ll be interested to hear from @drc4ble if her wound care is up to snuff. Then they have post-surgery makeouts.

Literally any even slightly intimate moment lol (or even a fight)... I miss feeling able to be that affectionate with people.

Although this is a het scene, it actually feels surprisingly... not het. idk. Not sure how to clarify that.

alt-Calliope, I guess, hasn’t lost her obsession with shipping and intimacy from when she was small. She claims she’s merely allowing John to perceive his “true” thoughts - and that’s why he’s being so bold. But that involves a decision, right, about which of his thoughts are “true”?

chapter 32

Apparently “proximity to a black hole”, a proxy for void, renders Roxy’s internal monologue perceptible to alt-Calliope, even though it wouldn’t normally be for those “on a higher textual plane”.

as for alt-Calliope, narrated as Jade:

looking beyond the wall she faces, and beyond everything past it, through the very fabric of narrative itself. they scan the ciliary veins of pacing, motivation, foreshadowing, irony—a continuum that has been upended by the prince’s interference. 

Dirk and alt-Calliope are back to arguing in the narration - about how diverse the crowds are, for example. Dirk dismisses alt-Calliope’s narration as “fake-woke”.

Anyway, despite Dirk’s needling in the narration, Roxy and Dave have a well-observed conversation about like, figuring out your gay/trans/nb/etc, coming out and so forth. Dave talks about like, various stages of more-or-less-ironic self-denial. Dirk gets increasingly irate at the discussion of gender and sexuality that doesn’t lead straightforwardly into like, clear-cut relationships.

Also he’s preparing to assassinate Jake. Unable to force his thoughts into narration, he just speaks out loud, and I guess alt-Calliope reports his words.

Dirk starts climbing the bell tower. Alt-Calliope tries various means to stop him: narrating that his feet feel heavy - he monologues that he has determination to get past this - dropping a bell on him - he monologues that he’s destroying the bell with his sword. Then they just dismiss him as boring...

Alt-Calliope resorts to warning Dave of the assassination attempt. This is turning into Death Note here... “ah, but what you didn’t realise is...” type shit stacking on top of each other. Dave stands in front of Jake, which would be a Heroic death, something Dirk isn’t willing to expose him to. But Dirk’s gun isn’t loaded with bullets, but with... tranq darts. But moreover, he was misleading us as to his intentions.

He wasn’t going to shoot Jake at all. He was going to shoot alt-Calliope/Jade... giving him back control over the narration!

That was interesting though. Cherubs are fuckin’ weird, I’ll totally concede. Still not sure what makes them tick. What they idealize, what they really want. It all comes across to me as a little cloying. Perfection to them is a sweetness beyond comprehension. Sugar so potent it’s poison to us. To our bodies, to our souls. Like the place she was operating from was a realm of self-construction. A bubble of pure, phantasmal confection.

Well, I for one have had enough of that goddamn toothache. I’m back in the protein saddle, motherfuckers. I’m clacking my tongs, and the charcoal is hot.

Now who’s hungry for meat?

Epilogue 5, in toto

So this is just a ludicrously meta version of Death Note now? ok, ok...

Dirk has essentially taken the role of Caliborn, in terms of representing one of two poles of what Homestuck is “about”. Where Caliborn was about tedious masculinity and over the top carnage, Dirk seems to want plots: plans unfolding, some kind of big elegant modernist [that may be incorrect] construction where everything is “in its proper place” according to an artistic vision.

alt-Calliope now seems to want to tell a story about the personal, about complex but ultimately happy relationships, and of course to let these characters fulfil ‘their own will’, somehow...

[murasakiyuzu]

List your top 5 Anime Characters, then tag 10 people

thanks for tagging me @glassmoonfortuneteller! sorry it took be a while to do this lmao -w-

in no particular order bc that would kill me:

1. Oikawa Tooru (Haikyuu!!)

i love every single character in this heckin anime, but oikawa rly messes up w all my feelings. im too weak for characters w gap moe, even if its the ‘looks very nice, is actually a bit of a demon’ kind and not the other way around, lmao. the thing abt oikawa is that he twists in and out of himself; he is handsome, charismatic and endearing at first glance, but hes also cunning and easily overcome by feelings of jealousy, inferiority and egoism. even so, hes an observant and hardworking leader who places his strength on the strength of his team as a whole, never thinking himself higher than his teammates. oikawa looks like he got everything easily, looks like hes a genius, but everything he has he worked very hard for. oikawa built himself to be a winner but never got the victory he wanted the most. nothing w oikawa is as it looks, and that why i cant help but love him.

2. Noiz (DRAMAtical Murder)

u knew he was going to be here, its gotta count for something that i, at least, didnt put him on number 1 too lmAO

just like oikawa, i fell victim to noizs gap moe as well. i mean, u give me a delinquent in weird clothes whos rude to everyone, pushy and even violent, and then turns out hes like a little kid at heart who buys foods without knowing their names, who doesnt know when to stop fighting bc he doesnt feel pain and no one ever cared abt his safety and thinks hes a monster bc of his insensitivity and silently suffers bc of it, ofc im gonna lay down my life for him. im gonna die for noiz ya hear me

theres not many scenes in anything that fucks me up more than the scene (that didnt make into the anime, sob) where he fights w aoba as theyre hiding in the oval tower, and then he tells aoba abt his insensitivity to pain and aoba pulls him down to him and tells noiz the world isnt as bad as he thinks and makes noiz slowly open up to him and learn from aoba how is it like to care abt someone else. its beautiful to see him, whos so young but is both hardened by the ugliness of the world hes seen and ignorant to the good things the world still has to offer, finally open himself up and make the first steps towards growth, and meaning to grow beside the one he fell in love with. im soft. my heart was found full of love.

3. Olivier Mira Armstrong (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood)

ive been in love w this woman since i first read the manga and when i watched the anime i died, thats the story

just like haikyuu!!, i love every single character in this anime, like, im physically Incapable of hating any of them. but olivier stands out for me. i think theres people who prolly had a bad impression from her as she antagonized ed and al right when she showed up, but young me was in awe of her attitude and her strong resolve in seeing for herself what ed and al were worth. shes known as ‘the ice queen of briggs’ and she leads her men with an iron fist, but its also clear that shes fair and values the life of every one of her subordinates, like when buccaneer and the others were late in coming back to the surface after their rescue mission and thought they would be left for dead, only to find that olivier had subtly made sure they would be received any time they came back.

her confidence in her own judgement, how she dealt w miles’ conflict as an amestris soldier and part ishvallan and the way she doesnt rly give a fuck abt whats lawful and correct and goes through with the things she herself considers right, are all things i love so much abt her. when i was a kid i even tried to get my hair to be like hers LMAO

tldr; queen of my life

4. Kinomoto Sakura (Cardcaptor Sakura)

cardcaptor sakura was my first true anime. i did watch saint seiya and naruto on tv around that time as well, but cardcaptor sakura was the first one i actually watched in full and then rewatched again and again and obsessed over, lmao.

i was rly, rly young then. not a baby anymore, def; i was about 10-12? it was an age at which i was building my own personality. honestly, at that point in time i think i was already kinda Messed Up, lmao; id get on Moods and be rly depressed and then super cranky, and i was always socially awkward. sakura made a huge impression on me; it just seemed like her attitude made everything better. she talked to everyone and had lots of friends and it seemed like she had a lot of fun like that. i tried to be more cheerful like that (i wanted roller blades too but i dont live in a place where i can use it a lot, and my parents never bought it for me lmao), and while i never got the hang of being super bright to Everyone and im still kind of moody, i think she rly taught me to be lighter and not take myself too seriously, to always try to see the bright side of things and believe that everything will be alright.

5. Nino (ACCA: 13-ku Kansatsu-ka)

thats not an anime a lot of people watched, i think, and on that note, if @ u all didnt watch it, GO WATCH ACCA ITS SO GOOD UR LOSING OUT???, so theres prolly not a lot of people who would put nino in their top 5 favorite characters lmao

but hes absolutely worthy of it. its fascinating to see the mystery of his identity and actions throughout the anime slowly unravel itself. i even wrote a oneshot that delved into what he was doing and what he was thinking as the events of the show progressed, trying to fill the blanks that the canon didnt show. ill try not to be spoilery w this one bc i want u all to find out for urselves, but i love ninos intelligence, his attitude and his strong loyalty, and in that loyalty, the conflict he feels between his duty and his desire. the episode that shows his past is one of my favorites bc its so heartrending. i love how naturally he fits in with jean and lotta and how the three of them look like a family. anyway, watch acca and love nino w me ♡

I’m tagging @lithuanina, @satyr-syd, @realm-of-spells, and thats it bc im not in contact w a lot of people and tumblr is apparently not letting me tag some others either lmao rip

[italicwatches]

Comic Girls - Episode 09

Okay, today so far is going better than yesterday. Let’s keep it that way. It’s Comic Girls, episode 09! Here we GO!

-It’s a celebration! Koyume got her first ever color pages! With a hero that looks like Tsubasa cross-playing. …Tsubasa, please, you have to notice at some point that all of Koyume’s heroes look like you. Please. This is getting ridiculous—KOYUME YOU SURELY NOTICED RIGHT oh god they’re denser than a black hole. At least Ruki and Kaos know where they stand as perverted lesbians.

-Opening!

-So Koyume is working hard on those pages, and Kaos tries to motivate herself to step up a level…There’s only one problem. Her brain is fucking cooked and she can’t draw together an idea…! While Koyume has decided to take a break and clear her head. Could this be the secret Kaos is missing?! She’ll come with you! Teach her the Koyumethod of manga!

-Actually, what does Koyume do when she goes out? She meets up with friends, chats about fun stuff, eats yummy stuff, and tries on some cute clothes! …KAOS CAN’T DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS. She is not a beautiful sparkly high school girl! DESPAIR! And Kaos is lost in the Kaospiral.

-To out and about, with the whole gang! Tsubasa got pushed to do a fun slice-of-life chapter by her editor, so she’s out here looking for ideas. So the beautiful princess got captured for a long time, surely the first thing on her mind would be…

-Sweets!

-MEAT

-…No, Tsubasa. So to fancy cafe for ideas, where Kaos has a freakout over her fancy parfait, and Koyume gets herself pancakes, and…

-I’m just gonna quote Tsubasa, word for word, as she watches Koyume eat those sugar-soaked breads. “I think liking sweet things is cuter.” And “Speaking so seriously when you have whipped cream on your face…That’s really cute.” She doesn’t even know how thick and strong she’s laying it on.

-To clothes. And…Look, real talk, at this point if I quote every incredibly sapphic line out of Tsubasa’s mouth I’m gonna be here all fuckin’ day. And Tsubasa doesn’t know the first thing about fashion so she’s lost in trying to make it work, and is just leaning on Koyume’s wis—

-KABEDON

-KOYUME JUST KABEDON’D TSUBASA

-What were we talking about

-And then Koyume drags Tsubasa into a changing room and suddenly their roles are entirely revKOYUME IS TAKING OFF TSUBASA’S SHORTS THIS IS NOT A DRILL THIS IS NOT A DRILL RED ALERT ALL HANDS ON DECK

-Okay it was just to find her sizes. And soon Koyume has Tsubasa dressing up and Kaos is watching all of this with a mighty thirst.

-We’re seven minutes in. We’re seven minutes in, there’s a 90 second OP, and this might be the most sapphic the show has ever been and that is including the episode that spent half its runtime focused on how Glasses Girls are Best Girls. (The show is correct about this, for the record. Glasses Girls ARE Best Girls.)

-Tsubasa found a clock shaped like a baby chick and the gap moe is overwhelming. I think you killed Kaos. We need her for the show. But Ruki, Ruki is just seeing the old Tsubasa shining through. Back when Ruki first met Tsubasa, when they were kids, Tsubasa wasn’t nearly so…performative about being a tomboy. She loved her shonen manga, but was really girly, too. She was small and adorable! But the deeper she got into manga, the more stoic she became, and the more she just started dropping everything that took effort…And, well, being a frilly sort of girl takes effort, so it became pants and hoodies and short hair.

-Until everything went stoic and functional. But Koyume’s drawing out some of her old passions and desires…All at the heart of the Koyumethod! The what now.

-Back the dorm! Tsubasa got right to drawing, full of inspiration. …And also she keeps cosplaying as she draws, in multiple costumes, switching as she goes. Which is eating up a lot of her time. But, I mean, if it works…

-Indeed, after her next meeting, Tsubasa’s all excited. And Koyume got good reviews from her work, too! They’re linking up wonderfully! Ruki and Kaos are so happy to see it. A true, proper senpai/kouhai duo. …Unlike them. …OH GOD KAOS SHE’S FAILED YOU SHE’S SORRY

-But later that night, Ruki’s got to be the one to notice that Koyume’s time with Tsubasa has meant less running around. And yet her sweets intake hasn’t slowed. And, well, she’s getting a little…soft around the middle. Koyume thus begins to panic as she realizes her many sins against slimness…And that’s when Tsubasa gets back with cream puffs! Oh god, Koyume is caught in the middle.

-And thus begins the debate. On the one hand, Koyume’s cutesy demeanor works just fine with a little softness, and Tsubasa don’t care. On the other, Ruki uses her as a model and you can’t model graceful shoujo waifs if you have a tummy. And on the gripping hand, Ririka points out how hard it is to keep the weight off as you get older. And they’re all just squishing and squeezing Koyume!

-Who cannot seem to focus on her manga later because of this weight panic. …She’ll wear something cute to cheer herself up! Like this favorite dress! …Oh god it won’t zip up. OH GOD

-Episode 09: Kaospiral

-Eventually she’s in the bath with Ruki and trying to figure out what to do…Ruki likes to use muscle massages in the bath to help keep things trim. There’s even ones for improving your bust size and anyways that’s how they get into a grope battle. And Kaos just listens with a mighty thirst while she does dishes.

-After bath. Koyume turns to her Tsubasa-sama. Senpai. Sensei. Something with an S. Who thinks the answer is you’ve just got to fuckin’ work out. Calories out has to be bigger than calories in. That’s all there is to it. So that’s how Koyume gets roped into Tsubasa’s morning run.

-Very early morning run.

-There’s a six in the morning now?

-Also Koyume overdoes it so when Tsubasa gets back, she’s carrying the stupid dork. But eventually, Koyume is on the right track, and just needs a little bit of dieting and portion control…Except now her lust for snacks is causing them to appear in very odd places in her art. That boy is wearing a cake for a hat. Okay, okay, fix it! Gotta be diligent, diligent, delicious, she ate the page.

-And when Koyume goes to her editor meeting…Her editor is disappointed. It feels…Like something’s missing. It’s a bit lifeless. Not like your usual work…And Koyume almost keeps a straight face, right until she runs into Tsubasa. And then it all spills out.

-Koyume’s caught in a thick mess of a conundrum, as they end up stopping into a little restaurant to talk. There’s her yearnings and urges. There’s her desire to be thought of a certain way by Tsubasa. And there’s the path to her manga. All of them spinning and spiraling against each other, until finally, he decides there’s only one thing she can do…

-Lean into the passion. She’s gonna have herself this delicious looking pie, redo her pages, and clear her head. And go on the next morning run with Tsubasa to try and keep things under control.

-And she ends up pulling a whole all-nighter to completely and utterly redo the chapter from top to bottom, with her real true self properly expressed in the work! And it might be a bit fluffy, but in the end it worked out that she burned so many calories(and dropped enough water weight) pulling that all-nighter that she still lost that last kilo. She’s even got her manuscript with her at school so she can turn it in to her editor after school…Be careful you don’t lose it!

-Which is when Tsubasa has a panic, because guess what happened.

-So before we go any further, I’m about…75% sure Miharu stole it to read it before anyone else.

-But okay, first they’ve got to check back in class! Tsubasa was working on it during class, but that should also mean it wouldn’t have disappeared from the classroom…Fuuuuck, that entire chapter…! Koyume’s an expert in losing and re-finding things! I’m not sure how great that sounds either, Ruki. Okay, first, what classes did you have that took you out of the normal classroom? Well, there was science…TO THE SCIENCE LAB!

-Which is as barren as the desert. Okay, next plan! The lost and found! No luck, but Koyume found a bunch of things she was missing. Okay, last ditch effort! To Nijino-sensei to ask for help! She’s got a simple plan. She’ll describe the booklet as something she lost, which should get them to respect her privacy and hand it over without looking into it. You four should split up to look through the school while she starts asking around.

-And off everyone goes…With Miharu secretly hoping she can find it so she can read it first, before anyone else! Okay so my theory was wrong. But soon everyone’s charging through, with Tsubasa and Koyume trying to find any sign of things, and Tsubasa so obviously cares deeply for finding those pages…She pours her heart and soul into them, from her very core…!

-While Kaos and Ruki try the library…And Ruki spots something between two shelves! A space too narrow for Ruki to fit. Come on, Kaos, squeeze in…And grab onto it, while Ruki pulls her free!!! And this is not Tsubasa’s manuscript case. Then whose could it possibly be? It looks old, too…

-Cue Miharu. …Oh god they found her high school manuscript she hid. HOW DID YOU FIND THAT?!!!!

-Oh god THEY FOUND HER OLD YAOI DRAWINGS

-Kill her now. Just kill her right now. She’s…Going to put that in the lost and found! For whatever other student, entirely unrelated to anyone you know, to find it! Please go keep looking. Far away from here. Other end of the building. Go go go!

-Eventually the sun is low in the sky, and they’ve still had no luck…And at this point, Tsubasa’s ready to give up. To let her life be over. The manuscript will be leaked. The identity of Wing-V will be revealed. All she can do now is let it happen, and keep as many people out of the crossfire as she can. …No. They’re sticking by you and they’re making this work. They’re gonna find that manuscript!

-And cue Suzu who found it earlier in the science lab and has been looking for Tsubasa all day to get it back to her. And looks quite cute when she’s not playing full spookum. Enough that they don’t even recognize her…But then she unpins her hair, goes full spookum, and chases the girls across the roof. Naturally.

-Credits!

Man, these things get dense. And that, was, a lot of sapphic stuff in the first half. I never thought I’d see Koyume pulling a kabedon. But with all that said, now that we’ve had some Koyubasa, it’s time for some Rukaos, next time in episode TEN of Comic Girls! Wait for it!

[eirian-houpe]

Disparate Pathways - Chapter 13

Fandom: Once Upon a Time (TV)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Relationships: Belle/Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold

Characters: Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold, Belle (Once Upon a Time), Maurice | Moe French, Gaston (Once Upon a Time), Spinster(s) (Once Upon a Time: Think Lovely Thoughts), Mad Hatter | Jefferson, Blue Fairy | Mother Superior, Black Fairy (Once Upon a Time), Baelfire | Neal Cassidy, Emma Swan, Prince Charming | David Nolan, Colette (Once Upon a Time), Red Riding Hood | Ruby, Widow Lucas | Granny, Dove (Once Upon a Time), Captain Hook | Killian Jones, Wicked Witch of the West | Zelena

Additional Tags: Abusive Parents, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Violence, Gun Violence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Torture, Dubious Consent, Eventual Smut, UST, First Time, Drama & Romance, Kidnapping, Extortion

Summary: Gold has a past, a past that he has rejected, but it seems one that will not let him go.  Belle, daughter of Governor Maurice French has been kidnapped, along with her mother, and just as the authorities raid the organization that is holding her hostage, decides to make her own bid for freedom, unknowingly derailing an undercover sting, and Agent Milnor has not choice but to take her into 'protective custody,' but is he all that he seems?  As the threads of the story grow more tangled and the threat to Belle, and to Gold, her appointed protector, grow ever more real, a growing, mutual attraction makes everything far more desperate and far too personal for Gold to ignore what he knows to be the truth.

Read previous chapters on AO3

Chapter 13 - ...Will Go Wrong

By sheer force of Will, Jefferson kept himself from blacking out, even for a second, from the force of the impact and the sudden deployment of the airbags. He knew that if he did they were either caught, or dead, and neither option sounded good to him.

“You’ve nowhere to go, Milnor.”

So they knew his name. It didn’t make much difference to him at that point. They could just as easily have been the bad guys, and he’d blown his cover during that clusterfuck of a takedown, or they could really be agents, with orders to take him in. He’d been under so long it was a distinct possibility that many agents had ‘missed the memo’ as it were, and he didn’t much feel like spending the next several hours locked up before he could get word to his handler and maybe… maybe somehow keep his cover intact. Besides, he didn’t really trust anyone but himself, or the man to whom he was taking Belle to keep her safe.

“No one has to get hurt.” A different voice, but no more friendly, “just step out of the vehicle, and surrender. Give up the girl.”

“Over my cold, dead, and decomposing body,” he murmured as he leaned over to take the gun from the glove compartment. He’d seen it when he was looking for the handcuffs. When he had it in his hand, he pulled out the clip to check that it was loaded, before replacing it, and then doing the same for his own weapon. Then he turned his head to Belle, and released the seat belt before gently pressing on her shoulder to encourage her to slump lower in her chair. “Stay down, and still, no matter what you hear,” he told her softly.

He reached beside him to tug on the handle to release the door, hoping like hell that the impact hadn’t jammed it shut. Luck was with him. It still took a good nudge with his shoulder - and he growled to push back the ache he felt when he did - to get it open a crack before he called out, “Why don’t you just toss your keys on the ground and back away. Let me go!”  He took a deep breath and fearing he spoke prophetically added, “That’s the only way this is going down without a fight.”

“No can do,” the first of the men replied. “Be reasonable.”

“That is me being reasonable,” he came back at them with barely a breath. “Walk away, gentlemen. You don’t know what you’re getting into.”

He started to slide carefully through the widening gap in the doorway, but was force to duck back inside in a hurry as a shot rang out, accompanied by the whine of a ricochet off the metal of the, now dented, recycling container beside his car.

“That’s the way you want to play it then,” he asked the air in a surprisingly mild voice, given the situation. Then he took a deep breath, pushed open his door as far as it would go, ignoring the way it bounced back off the metal box at his side and, committed, he slipped himself first to one knee behind the door for cover, and then stood suddenly, fired one round in the direction from which shot had come, and turned, a second toward where he estimated the other man to be.

As quickly as he moved out of cover, he ducked back in, sparing a glance for Belle, who was now almost curled up in the foot-well. He felt for her, but knew that if he didn’t get them out of there, things were about to get very complicated.

He huffed a sigh. They were alread complicated anyway, and about to get more so, and as if to prove his point, several more shots rang out, and ricocheted off the trash container by his head. He swore softly, and gestured to Belle with an outstretched hand to stay down; stay low, before slowly backing away along the length of the car.

He figured that they thought they had him pinned down behind the door. If he were going to get the better of them he had to move from that position; get somewhere where he might be able to see a better way of getting out of the mess they were all in, and to prevent them from forcing him some place he really didn’t want to go. He didn’t much like the odds of that happening though.

The darkness was his ally if not his friend, and he almost made it to the deeper shadows beside what looked as though it used to be a free standing ATM kiosk, before one of the men spotted him. The man called out to his colleague to tell him where Jefferson had gone, and for a moment Jefferson found himself pinned down again by a flurry of gunfire.

As best as he was able under the current assault, he tried to keep an eye on the car, and Belle within it. He knew he couldn’t let them keep him pinned down for long, not if he were going to keep her safe and as if they read his mind, one of the two men began moving toward the car in which Jefferson had left her sheltering from immediate danger.

“Fuck!” he hissed.

With no choice remaining, he had to take action, even if it mean he risked getting shot. If he got hit, or if they got to the car, they’d take Belle anyway, so what was the difference? He couldn’t let them take her. He drew in a deep breath, and using the muzzle flash as his guide, stepped out from cover, weapon raised, and released two shots in quick succession in that direction, before swinging around to fire again into the ground between where he’d last registered the other assailant, and the wrecked car.

He was rewarded by the sudden shuffling of feet as the man that had been heading in that direction pulled back, and having bought himself another few seconds, he ducked back into the lee of the abandoned ATM.

“Give it up, Milnor.” The call came from the man he’d first fired on. “You’re outnumbered. You got no place to go.”

He didn’t answer, but used the respite to circle around the back of the ATM, moving as silently as he could. If he could reach the other side without them realizing he had moved, he’d have the chance to get to at least one of them; to incapacitate the man without resorting to anything more drastic. After all, he still wasn’t sure on whose side anyone truly was.

It wasn’t to be.

Whatever luck had held for him so far gave out and as he moved, light spilled out from somewhere he hadn’t anticipated, revealing his position and drawing a shout of warning from the man he’d driven back away from the wrecked car to the other man, who immediately turned and sent a volley of bullets his way.

He threw himself sideways, into a roll, felt the heat fly past his cheek as he did and thanked whatever gods were looking out for him as his completed his roll and came up to one knee. He fired three shots in quick succession, then heard the soft thud of a body hitting the asphalt.

Knowing he didn’t have time to waste he came to his feet, weapon leading as he half ran, half sidestepped toward where he knew the man had been, kicking the gun away to a safe distance, before leaning down to check the man still had a pulse.

As he straightened up, the darker shadow well over him, and light and heat seared across the top of his shoulder. He turned on pure instinct to see the other man standing barely a car length away, gun outstretched. He raised his firearm, reflexes sharp in spite of the pain. As the other man opened his mouth, no doubt to tell him to surrender, Jefferson shifted his aim and squeezed the trigger.

**

As silence after the last single gunshot extended past a few breaths, Belle risked uncurling from the ball she’d squeezed herself into and peeked out through the windshield. She drew in a sharp breath as she saw Jefferson leaning against the hood of the other car - the one that had been chasing them.

Was he hurt?  Was she going to be stuck here, not knowing where she was, no phone, no money…

She closed her eyes, trying to steady her breathing. No sense in panicking. That wouldn’t get her anywhere. She felt tears welling in her eyes in spite of the talking to she was trying to give herself. She felt shaky and a little sick. Part of her realized she was probably in shock

She jumped, and gave a little squeak of a cry as the door beside her suddenly opened and Jefferson reached inside to hook her by the arm.

“We gotta move,” he told her. “Come on.”

“What?” she stammered even as she let him help her from the car. “Where? Why?”

“I promise you, I’ll answer your questions,” he said as he began to hurry her toward the other car, “but right now we need to be away from here, and quickly. In a neighborhood like this, someone is bound to have reported the gunfire.”

She looked around her as they hurried across the dim lit parking lot, all but running to keep up with Jefferson’s long stride. Her breathing quickened and she tried to pull away from him as she saw two men lying on the ground, but he held fast to her arm, though he did stop moving.

“I had no choice,” he told her, and in his tone she detected something almost reassuring - frustration, recrimination… sorrow? “I promise you, as soon as we’re out of here, I’ll call for help for them.”

She stared at him for a moment, and then nodded, caught somewhere between suspicion and trust. Tears of uncertainty and confusion brimmed in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. If she started now, she was afraid that she would never stop.

As if he read her mixed emotions, Jefferson relaxed his hold a little on her arm, and more gently, began moving again toward the car, and helped her to climb in to the passenger side, before he walked around the car - the second, she noted, but only to herself, that he had ‘commandeered’ that day - and leaned in to pop the hood. She heard him, but could not clearly see what he was doing, as he rummaged around in the engine compartment. After several more minutes, she heard the sound of something being wrenched free, and Jefferson’s small grunt, before he dropped the hood back into place and climbed inside the car.

“Okay,” he said softly, “that should give us a little room to breathe, but it would be better to find a car that doesn’t belong to Uncle Sam.”

“How?” she asked, her voice trembling between fear and anger at the thought of him stealing a car from some poor, unsuspecting civilian. He looked over at her as he began to drive toward the exit of the parking lot.

“We’ll drop this off somewhere away from here, and take a Ryde to go pick up my car,” he answered, adding, as though he was once again reading her mind, “No more desperate measures.” She nodded then, feeling a kind of relief until he added, “I hope,” then she turned to look at him again, examining him in the dim light of the abandoned retail lot.

That was when she noticed the tear in his jacket, and the blood stain that had seeped over the front of his shoulder.

“You’re hurt,” she gasped softly, frowning when he shook his head.

“It’s nothing - grazed is all. Jacket came off worse than I did.” Then as though talk of injury had jogged his memory, hi fished out his cell phone and quickly dialed 911. She bit her lip as she heard him answer the rescue dispatch officer on the other end of the line. “This is Agent Jefferson Milnor, FBI. Badge number JTTx97584211, We have agents down…”

She closed her eyes and the rest of his words faded into the the fog of exhaustion that came creeping over her.

****

End Notes:  Quick word on badge numbers: Quick research leads me to understand that not all agencies use badge numbers, and if they do, not all agents within that agency have badge numbers. I therefore confess that the inclusion of Jefferson's badge number is entirely literary license. No need to hit me up in the comments over that on

[toonstarterz]

BECAUSE I’M NOT POPULAR, I’LL READ WATAMOTE: CHAPTER #125

Nico Tanigawa decided to waste no time and jumped right into the next field trip arc. I’m sure some fans are concerned that the pacing is a little too fast, but I honestly think that’s only because we don’t have many hints as to where this manga is going after the field trip, at least in terms of tangible school events. There’s still plenty character relationships to explore in this manga, so I’d say we just go with the flow, and see where Tomoko’s experience at the House of Mouse will lead her. 

Chapter 125: Because I’m Not Popular, I’ll Start My Field Trip

Yuri would probably die without her pockets.

Showing exposition through character is another strength of this manga. We don’t need the teacher or some omnipresent narrator to explain how the field trip is gonna go. We just need the character’s thoughts to set up the context of the chapter. Tomoko’s comment on how hands-off the teachers are implies a lack of adult supervision, which then raises the stakes for whatever shenanigans our girls will inevitably get into.  

Yoshida’s default scowl is now her default smile. I’d expect nothing less at the Happiest Place on Earth. 

Like I said, these tidbits of conversation actually give meaning to events that happen later on. In Yoshida’s case, knowing that she plans to hang out with others is going to be very significant for what’s soon to come. 

Team Normie from left to right: Finding Nemo, Glasses-kun, Short Guy I Don’t Recognize, Suzuki, Guy I Do Recognize But Don’t Remember Where, Little Fanged Bitch, Class Mom, and Pineapple-chan. 

Layouts like this are awesome because of how much they show without any words. If you showed this panel to someone unfamiliar with Watamote, they could likely tell that Nemoto and Okada don’t like each other because of how the six in the middle are facing inward, while the girls on the far ends are facing outward. 

On that note, I’ll always be impressed by how well Nemoto can hide her negative emotions under a smile. Okada, not so much. 

Perhaps this is just my limited experience with manga and anime talking, but I always find it interesting by how platonically intimate the boys and girls are in Nemoto’s group, i.e. using nicknames. Granted, close friends across different genders is nothing surprising in manga/anime, but there’s often this romantic subtext, usually from other characters, which fans often take as evidence to there being something more. In Nemoto’s group, I haven’t seen this implication at all other than first year Tomoko’s delusions. It’s rather refreshing when I come across a series that can pull this off.

Flustered Minami is annoyingly cute. 

Guess I better stop beating around the bush and address the elephant in the room.

In actuality, I had thought that Nemoto and Okada had got into a fight in the previous chapter, but I didn’t touch upon it because I didn’t think there was sufficient evidence and I would’ve been talking out of my ass. But, lo and behold, they really were having a fight. 

It’s Yuri and Mako from the previous trip all over again.

As for what that fight was about, I’m 99% sure it was about Nemoto coming out of the otaku closet. And if I may guess, I don’t think Okada has an issue with Nemoto’s interests, but that the latter lied, or at least, dodged the truth, about her desire to be a voice actress. A barrier of trust seems to have cracked between them, and because Watamote is a great manga that doesn’t let its audience take any obvious side, it’ll be interesting to see how they patch things up.

So here’s a question: Why doesn’t Minami go off with her other friends? Y’know, the ones she had before she got placed in class 3-5? Perhaps her friends were not as close to her as she originally thought, but more likely, I think it’s just that Minami is trying to cement her “place” in Katou’s clique. Given that’s still in the periphery zone, disconnecting from Katou’s group would bring her two steps back, so better that she strike now while the iron is hot.  

More like a fourth wheel, but same difference. 

Nemoto’s at it again with the half-lies. If we’re getting real here, I honestly don’t think Nemoto would join up with Tomoko’s group if she could help it. Right now, she just has a convenient excuse to not join her usual friends, and at the moment, Tomoko is her rebound. Of course, she has to play it up as her being extra friendly, or she wouldn’t be Nemoto. 

Mako, bless her soul, is obviously the go-to-gal to speak with, being the most socially adept of the three. She may just be the indisputable nice girl of the series, next to Yuu. 

I’m inclined to believe that little blurb of how they’ve never talked to each is all in Nemoto’s head, ‘cause there’s no way she’d ever be that tactless. In any case, it’s be a real treat if Yuri and Nemoto ended up on the same ride, only to start discussing their mutual buddy, Tomoko. 

Nemo gotta chill with that passive aggression. Physically imposing herself over Tomoko, and speaking in such a manner that leaves the latter with no room to argue...Nemoto is quite the manipulator, and it’s totally intentional on the mangaka’s part. On second thought, keep it up Nemoto, because it’s admittedly entertaining to see you go at her like that.

Writing about Nemoto is always hard because it’s very difficult to get a good read on her. It does often seem that she’s actively pushing Tomoko out of her comfort zone, but whether she’s doing that out of simple kindness or to feel better about herself is unclear.

I do wonder how Yen Press is going to handle the censorship for this arc. Obviously, Disneyland is going to be asterisked, or renamed into “Mouseyland” like in volume 9. But does Splash Mountain require censorship? It is a real name, so I believe it would...

I’ll get back to Nemoto and the whole mouse ears thing later. 

This scene was more significant to me than was probably intended, because I believe it’s the first time Tomoko has viewed Yuri with any obvious admiration. Yuri’s unwavering nature is one of her likeable traits, and for someone like Tomoko, who often finds herself sucked into uphill battles, being able to go against the flow must really speak to her. Hopefully, this will develop Tomoko’s side of her friendship with Yuri.

PFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTT.

Ucchi’s presence was a mandatory for this arc, and it’s great that they manage to include her in the story in a way that is both times utterly ridiculous and completely realistic for this manga. 

Playing the victim card is entirely Ucchi’s modus operandi, to varying degrees of effectiveness. It allows her to hopefully achieve her objective, while at the same time removes any responsibility for her actions. Is it an effective strategy? Certainly. Will Ucchi pull it off? Not a fucking chance. 

dem crocodile tears.

Because Ucchi, a.k.a My Legs are Numb, is such a terrible liar, she has to rely on her second tactic when the first tactic inevitably fails: false accusations. By putting the blame onto Mako, Ucchi continues to free herself of responsibility while Mako is pressured into helping her out of guilt. I call this accusation “false” because I’m not entirely sure to what extent Mako and Ucchi are friends. But it doesn’t really matter at the moment, because as long as there’s a sliver of friendship between them, Ucchi will use it as ammunition.  

I remember asking for this girl’s name back in my review of chapter 117. Wish granted. (But now I’m gonna start thinking of Studio Ghibli films whenever she shows up.)

And because nothing can ever go Ucchi’s way, her final tactic is...throwing a tantrum. Admittedly, it takes a lot for Ucchi to start openly freaking out, and only when is on the verge of losing or is losing the thing she wants. It’s here where Ucchi’s logic becomes very suspect, and her bitch tendencies start to become more apparent. 

Props to Mako, for being so collected during this hissyfit.  

Subtlety...

...Ucchi is not. The dramatic irony of this manga is spectacular whenever Emoji-girl is concerned. For the two girls here, Ucchi’s antics probably come off as her just being physically assertive. But the readers all know what’s really going on. Ucchi forcing herself between them is clearly a bold attempt at getting closer to Tomoko, and it’s crazy how supposedly meaningless actions like this suddenly carry so much meaning when performed by a particular character.

6 seconds...7 seconds....8 seconds...

I fully expect the fanart to explode with this image. 

Many people in the fandom are calling this fan-service, and in way, that’s true. but I want to distinguish what part of this is fan-service, and what isn’t. To put it finely, Yoshida dressing up in Disneyland gear is not fanservice, because the series has long since set this up as a part of Yoshida’s character, so narratively, it makes perfect sense for Yoshida to be donning mouse ears and a faux-Tigger jacket. 

What is fanservice is how Yoshida’s presented, and, in the most objective way possible, how erotic it is. It’s not just the “gap moe” of a tough girl in cute clothes, but Yoshida’s appearance is obviously meant to titillate the viewers. The roughened up demeanor, the jacket slightly falling off, the bruise clearly meant to look like a blush, and her pouty expression are all an intentional decision meant for the Yoshida fans. 

As a final note, I’m not condemning the mangaka for this, because as far as fanservice goes, this is very tasteful. Why? Because it says more about Yoshida’s attractiveness as a character than any half-assed attempt to put her in “sexy” situations.   

As I had just suggested, I love how Nico Tanigawa subverts our expectations by giving Yoshida what looks like a blush, when it’s actually a bruise. Well played.

Nemo, I don’t think anyone expected Tomoko and Yuri to be friends with Yoshida, at least as close friends. She likely finds it confusing that a delinquent like Yoshida would get along with relatively good people like Tomoko and Yuri, but as is a common theme in this manga, strong friendships are forged not through similar interests, but in shared temperaments and values, by which the T-Y-Y group most certainly have.

23 seconds...24 seconds...25 seconds...   

Funny you should think that Nemoto, considering that you were the one who first suggested you’d all get mouse ears in the first place. But in all seriousness, this surprise could just be exclusive to Yoshida. Buying mouse ears as a group falls in line with the “typical things to do at Disneyland”, so it’s natural from Nemoto’s perspective. Yoshida, whose character is rather atypical to Nemoto, likely came off as the type to be resistant to such cute things.

You have a lot to learn in this group, Nemoto. 

And this is the first hint towards the question, “What happened between Yoshida and her friends?” The common theory going around seems to be that Yoshida and her yankee friends got into a falling out, possibly over Yoshida’s cuteness, leading to the bruise on her face. Given I don’t see any other reason why she would switch plans, it does suggest that at least something foul went down, which could possibly lead to Yoshida being more comfortable with her loner crew in the future. 

Also, that bruise healed up fast.

Something tells me Nico Tanigawa are trying to beat the readers to the punch by tsukommi-ing at points where the readers may have doubts. I certainly wouldn’t want them to do this often, or would be more of a crutch than anything. But used sporadically, it helps assure the users that the mangaka has considered the same thing, and will likely proceed the story with that in mind.

67 seconds...68 seconds...69 seconds...

Ucchi, BLINK for crying out loud! 

Nemoto: I’ve always liked how Nemoto’s opinion on Tomoko is neither positive or negative. Just...interesting. If I had to say where I think this opinion will end, it’d be a begrudging respect for Tomoko and her weirdness.

Ucchi: Emoji transcended the fourth wall and came out with an insight straight out of 4chan. Her annoyance, I believe, stems from a realization that Tomoko is more likeable than Ucchi thought, which sort of negates that feeling of importance Ucchi gets from Tomoko’s supposed attention. 

Yuri: Not surprisingly, Yuri totally blindsided Nemoto and Ucchi when referring to their four-person group. I don’t think Yuri’s eager to add more people into her circle, but hey, Nico Tanigawa may come to surprise us.

Mako: With that stoic expression, Mako? Then again, only a bestie like Mako could see the subtle changes in Yuri’s emotional state. 

Yoshida: So aggressively cute! Leave it to Yoshida to head the group at a time like this. I must admit, I was worried that Yoshida would fall too much into the “delinquent likes cute things” cliche, but I like how it’s done here. Yoshida’s demeanor isn’t a lightswitch that changes between ‘violent’ and ‘adorable’ with no in-between. Her toughness is still present, whether she’s beating up Tomoko, or fawning over cat plushies. 

This was a set-up chapter, all things considered, but it gets the job done by hyping the readers for what’s to come. If I know this series as well as I hope I do, something will happen in this arc that will change up a character relationship for the rest of the school year. It could be anything at this point–Yoshida breaking off with her delinquent buddies, Ucchi giving a cringefest-of-a-confession to Tomoko, Nemoto and Yuri sharing an unexpected bond–the possibilities are endless.

Place your bets!

[michrob87]

Talking about “talk shows.”

By

Rob Hoffman

on November 16, 2017 at 5:30 AM

1

Let’s face it, there’s only one way to speak to somebody, and that’s from behind a desk.  The next time you have to speak to somebody regarding just about anything, and you are not behind a desk, chances are they are not going to listen.  In other words, America loves “talk shows.”

For reasons that will most likely be lost to future generations, the American people enjoy watching people talk, and if the host of that conversation is behind a desk, it would seem to carry a gravitas that the American viewing public responds to in a way that says, “Sure, that guy is qualified to ask questions of Paris Hilton, Bryan Cranston, LeBron James, and Supreme Court Associate Justice, Sonia Sotomayer,”  (By the way, that’s a pretty enviable line-up for any talk show.)  after all, even though nobody could possibly be qualified to interview such a diverse group, the fact that the person is sitting behind a desk makes him instantly qualified.

For those of you who are not familiar, this kindly looking gentleman is Jack Paar, the second host of “The Tonight Show.”  The original host was comic “genius,” Steve Allen, the man who invented everything.  Paar would run afoul of the censors when he uttered the shameful phrase, “Water Closet,” when telling an excessively tame joke on his show.  The censors cut it from his broadcast without consulting with him, infuriating the mercurial Paar.  Personally, in a nation where every other public figure of any renown has turned out to be a serial sexual abuser, it’s refreshing to see our sense of decency defended by the friendly neighborhood censor.  (You Tube)

The concept of the television talk show can really be broken down into three categories.

The Late Night Talk-Show – This was made popular by the late, great Johnny Carson

The Afternoon Talk-Show – Here is where you’ll find oodles of pleasant personalities like Ellen DeGeneres, Dinah Shore, Mike Douglas, and of course Oprah!!!! This brand of entertainment is rarely controversial, and the content is “light.” How light you ask?  So light your television might literally float away.  Sometimes on these programs, the host can be seen giving out advice, crooning the occasional standard, dancing awkwardly, and handing out gifts like a new car!!!!!

The Splashy/Trashy Tabloid Influenced Talk-Show – This brand of television talk is populated by the likes of Jerry Springer, Maury Povich, and Geraldo Rivera.  Here you’ll find the hard-hitting discussions that typically revolve around crazy “Klansman,” jealous girlfriends, and contested paternity cases.

Could you live with Regis Philbin?  Well, Phil Donahue did at Notre Dame,and after surviving that ordeal, he went on to practically invent daytime talk television.  He also married that girl.  You know that girl who starred in “That Girl.”  She’s free to be you and me?  (Getty Images)

The late night talk-show is probably the most copied format in all of entertainment history, and it really owes its existence to two individuals, Johnny Carson and David Letterman.  The format is essentially this: A pleasant, midwestern looking man in an expensive suit comes out to wild, over-the-top applause, tells some topical, supposedly biting jokes that attack the status quo, pokes fun at the modern foibles of the era, including what is usually a harmless and superficial attack on whomever the current occupant of the White House is, and then follows their monologue up with a skit or some sort of comic segment where the host sits at his desk and does some sort of bit.  Then the first guest comes out, usually for one or two segments, followed typically by a second, less famous guest, and then finally, either a young or “B” level comedian comes out and does a few jokes, or a singer or band performs their latest song.  There’s usually a ton of commercials, and the television viewing audience rarely makes it to the end of the show since they are too tired.

One of my all-time favorite bits from “The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson,” Carnac the Improbable.”  One of the things that I loved about Carson was that he seemed to be letting the audience in on the bit, and that he knew that at best it was corny, and at worst it was awful.  However, Johnny used this idea to make the skit even funnier, while also appearing to be drifting in and out of character, thus increasing his “hip-ness.”  Of course, it was all an act, but he was so effortless at it, the audience never really caught on.  (You Tube)

I have nothing against the current crop of late night television talk show hosts, in fact, some of them I try to watch on a fairly regular basis.  I loved the “Daily Show” with Jon Stewart, and I enjoy his replacement, Trevor Noah.  I like Stephen Colbert as well as Jimmy Kimmel.  I appreciate Jimmy Fallon’s talent, and the fact that he tries to do something different, as well as the fact that he’s a local boy done well, hailing from nearby Saugerties, New York, and attended even “nearer-by” St. Rose College.  However, I find his giggling, and adolescent schtick a bit much for my ever-increasingly curmudgeon like attitude, especially since he’s only a little younger than me.

The fact that there are three fairly successful late night talk shows on at the same time is a borderline miracle, and a sign of how much the times have changed.  For decades, ABC and CBS attempted to dethrone Carson from his late night perch, only to see the “King of Late Night” swat away would-be pretenders to his throne, including Joey Bishop, Pat Sajak, Joan Rivers, Arsenio Hall, and Dennis Miller, (The great impressionist Rich Little used to do a killer Johnny Carson.  I always thought that ABC or CBS should have just hired him to do his Carson impression on their networks.  It could have worked.  Carson was just mailing it in the last ten years he was on the “Tonight Show” anyway.

Johnny definitely had his regulars that would appear every few months on his program.  Angie Dickinson was definitely one of his all-time favorites.  When Johnny wasn’t listening to one of Angie’s inane stories, the two were usually making “googly eyes” at each other.  (You Tube)

For many baby-boomers, The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson represented a coming of age.  I can remember when I was first able to stay up late enough to watch “Johnny,” and I can recall thinking, wow, I’m like an adult now.  There was something “cool” about being old enough to stay up and watch Johnny.  I remember thinking how “hip” Carson seemed, and that in some way, he represented “adult” humor.

As it would happen, Johnny wasn’t really all that hip, especially when he was compared to the man most people considered his heir apparent, David Letterman.  Like Carson, Letterman had a laid back “Midwestern” attitude, but delivered his comments with a sarcastic edge that let the audience know, “Yeah, a lot of this stuff is stupid, and I’m aware that we’re not exactly curing cancer here.”

David Letterman might not have been the classic “good-looking” television host, but his “painted on hair,” and his famous gap-toothed smile, seemed to enhance his outsider, “wise-ass” status.  (Getty Images)

David Letterman actually got his start as a television weatherman.  Letterman became a legendary stand-up comedian out in Los Angeles, and eventually became a fixture on the Tonight Show.  After a failed stint as a daytime talk-show host,  he became the host of Late Night, and it was in this gig where Letterman took Carson’s model, and made it all his own.  He innovated such famous bits such as “Stupid Pet Tricks,” “Stupid Human Tricks,” games with the studio audience where he gave out to all contestants, canned ham, pre-recorded shtick that was filmed outside the studio, and of course, his greatest gift to the world “Larry Bud Melman.”  Letterman’s program appealed to older high school students, as well as the college crowd.  Letterman represented “hipness” on television, and while he was unceremoniously passed over by NBC in favor of Jay Leno when it was time to replace Carson, Letterman was given a late night show on CBS , and he established the network as a competitor in the late night television market.

It’s not exactly Abbott and Costello, but David Letterman and Larry Bud Melman, a.k.a. Calvert DeForest, produced some memorable moments on the Late Show.  (You Tube)

Afternoon talk-shows tend to be a little softer and fluffier.  Oprah Winfrey of course is known as the “Queen of Afternoon Talk.”  Oprah parlayed this success into becoming one of the most influential and wealthiest women in entertainment.  Oprah has established herself as the last word on love, race, which books to read, how to seek forgiveness for a public transgression, who we should vote for, and how to give away a car to a television audience.  However, most afternoon talk-shows were a little bit like “lite” versions of the late night fare.

Mike Douglas was an extremely likable crooner who hosted a very popular afternoon “schmooze-fest,” that featured guests as eclectic as John Lennon, (Who along with Yoko, actually guest hosted with Douglas for a week’s worth of shows.) to Moe Howard from the legendary Three Stooges.

There are two things I’d like to point out here.  First, give it up to Mike Douglas, always a good sport, duking it out with Moe in a pie fight, and secondly, you gotta love Moe keeping his classic hairdo, even though his hair is all gray.  He’s dedicated to the look.  (You Tube)

Even more incredible though was the fact that John Lennon and his wife, Yoko, appeared for a week straight on the Mike Douglas Show as special guest hosts.

This is one of those odd curiosities.  The ultimate square breaking bread with the ultimate in cool.  (And John Lennon wasn’t too shabby either.)  I wonder if 50 Cent ever appeared on Oprah?  (You Tube)

Basically, the afternoon talk-show is good for learning tips on how to keep your children safe at Halloween, dieting ideas, fashion advice, and of course, the inevitable cooking segment. Occasionally an “A-list” celebrity will appear, and act very humble while pretending to be best friends with the host, or if it’s Ellen, they’ll dance, and act a little silly.  The most probing question that will be asked on an afternoon talk-show would probably be something along the lines of, “So tell me Julia Roberts, how do you keep your skin so exfoliated?”

Perhaps the most popular type of daytime talk-show, at least for a few years, was the “flashy-trashy” kind.  This is the Jerry Springer, Maury Povich, or Sally Jesse Raphael category of talk where literally anything can, and often does happen.  These are the programs where Nazis, Klansman, as well as dead-beat Dads crawl out of their rabbit holes and appear for us so we can all rail against them.  Jerry Springer, the former mayor of Cincinnati hosted what was by far the wildest and most popular of this brand of talk-show.  However, once it came out that Springer’s program was scripted, and basically the equivalent of professional wrestling, he lost a lot of the buzz that had at one time made “Jerry” the name to beat in afternoon trash-talk.

I’m not sure what Jerry has cooked up here, but I’m sure it’s classy, and um, fake.  (You Tube)

The sad part regarding daytime trash-talk, is that most of it can trace its roots to Phil Donahue.  Donahue’s program dealt with serious issues, particularly those that impacted women.  Donahue would frantically run around his studio, trying to make sure that as many members as possible of his audience could be heard.  However, from Donahue’s noble beginnings, an unfortunate sideshow emerged where sizzle eclipsed substance, which unfortunately took us from Donahue to Springer.

Of course today, in addition to the three white males who host late night talk-shows, there is Bill Maher, Chelsea Handler, very late night talk-shows featuring the likes of Seth Myers, as well as the soft-spoken Charlie Rose, the professorial talk-show host who can be found late-nights on PBS.  Rose’s talk-show is a bit of throwback to the days of Dick Cavett.  Cavett’s softer approach allowed for real conversation to take place, minus the bells and whistles one finds on so much of today’s distracted talk-show programs.  It’s amazing what one can learn about an individual when the audience isn’t “hooting,” and the band isn’t blaring.

Dick Cavett may not be a household name today, but in his prime, he interviewed all of the biggest stars in politics as well as in the world of entertainment.  For instance, did Dick Cavett interview Groucho Marx?  You bet your life!  (You Tube)

If Johnny Carson and David Letterman were the gold standard in television talk-show excellence, who are the all-time bottom feeders.  Well, since nobody asked, here are my all-time worst talk-shows:

The Magic Hour – This starred Magic Johnson as a late night talk-show host, with Sheila E. as his musical director.  It only last two months, and that may have been too long.  The highlight of Magic’s program, an appearance by the Howard Stern band, “The Losers.”

The Chevy Chase Show – This lamentable effort lasted only three weeks, and that was probably too long.  Let’s just say that this wasn’t in Chevy’s wheelhouse, and he was much better suited for hosting “fake news” on Saturday Night Live.

The Pat Sajak Show – CBS “spun the wheel” on Sajak, the very successful host of Wheel of Fortune, but the quips he dropped so effortlessly on “Wheel,” seemed to elude him on his late-night attempt.  Not even having Vanna White turning letters behind him naked was going to save this program from going “bankrupt.”  (Now that was a healthy amount of “Wheel of Fortune” jokes to squeeze into one blurb.)

Wow, I can’t understand how Sajak’s program failed.  I mean, this is a “heavyweight” line-up.  By the way, and I’m just spit-balling here, I’m guessing that this picture was taken before Rush’s “Oxycontin phase.”  (You Tube)

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the worst, most fascistic talk-show that ever existed, “The Morton Downey Show.”  Downey was a chain-smoking lunatic who screamed at his guests, while his meat-headed audience would get all of their “Nazi-like” anger out, and egg on old Mort in his insanity.

As always, it will be interesting to see who the next great talk-show host will be.  I’m thinking that Howard Stern could still take a run at it.  He already does the best interviews on radio, why not take a crack at television.  How about Barack Obama?  I think people would like to “open up” to the ex-president.  Perhaps Harvey Weinstein can find employment as a talk-show host?  They say that the best way to elicit interesting answers from your guests is to not let them feel too relaxed.  Is there anybody who can make people less relaxed than pervy Harvey?