#guess i have to speedrun the show

[this-is-a-podcast-fanblog]

I don't really care about the plot of Hanibal that much I kind of just want to watch it so I can understand all the fucked up problematic tw cannibalism fanfiction about it

[sunsetuniverse]

"There's a power in seeing yourself in another, in resemblance..."

[imflyingfish]

.t

[sysig]

Does anyone happen to have the settings for Firefox to show the blog panel on the right

Mine’s only showing up on blog/[name]/1 page :/

[valentronic]

Waking the monster

Chapter 2 - "The dead don't die"

In which Henry attempts to solve all his problems by setting them on fire, and William wins the award for the world's normal-est man

Something had to be done, he knew that. Something was very wrong, and though Henry still didn’t know what, he knew he needed to do something about it. Keeping an eye on Elizabeth and Micheal was a welcome distraction, even if they asked too many questions, and bringing Charlie over to visit them was a good distraction for the kids too. He hadn’t been visiting Will as much in the hospital.. More accurately, he was almost afraid to. He’d been acting strangely, erratic. Even though Will was typically a little strange, a little erratic, this was too much, even for him. 

He’d be discharged from the hospital soon.

That meant it was Henry’s last chance. 

Fredbear’s diner had been closed for months, ever since.. Well, people just called it “the accident” now. No need to add any detail. No need to say what happened. Just an accident. With the restaurant closed, one might think there was no need to worry about a bloody room. Henry had been worrying about it nonstop. He didn’t want to go back there, everything in his most primal instincts wanted to prevent him from opening that door, but he did it anyway. 

It was a horrible sight. The floor streaked with blood, the pieces of William’s springlock suit scattered around. He nearly threw up in his mouth. 

Worst of all, there it was.  An empty suit Henry once wore. An empty suit that took the life of an innocent child. An empty suit that the child’s father is convinced still harbors his soul. The eyeholes followed Henry as he walked towards it. What if he was right? As impossible as it sounds.. What if he was right..?

“No..” He mumbled to himself in the empty room. “That’s not possible.” But, there was a thought in the back of his head, if there was a soul within that suit, he needed to be set free. 

Set him free. That’s what this is. 

He picks up the suit, much lighter without the endoskeleton inside, and carries it out into the alley behind Fredbear’s. He can clean up the workshop later.. This feels more important. He takes a lighter out of his pocket, and sets the suit ablaze. He watches the fire for what feels like hours, the slow crackling as the synthetic fur turns to ash. 

This didn’t do anything, it’s just fur and fabric, it isn’t alive. There wasn’t anyone in there, that little boy went to heaven. Maybe, just maybe, if nothing else, this ritual would help William let go… 

Or not. 

There’s no time to think about that. 

He puts out the fire, sweeping the ash away, before returning to the workshop, making a mental list of everything that needs to be done. The floors will need to be mopped, there’s blood on the table, he’ll have to do something with that springlock suit, bloody as it is.. He wishes he could just burn it too.. 

— 

“Daddy! You’re home! I knew it, I knew you’d be okay!” Elizabeth practically leapt at him, wrapping her arms around his leg in her typical greeting. 

Will winced at the pressure on his wounds, but didn’t draw attention to it, ruffling the small girl’s hair. “I trust Mr. Emily took good care of you two?” 

“Yes! I got to play with Charlie too!” 

“That’s wonderful! Go get Mikey for me, okay?” 

She let go of his leg, looking up at him, and immediately noticing the bandages around his arms and neck. “Daddy! You’re all wrapped up like a mummy!” 

“Heh, early halloween costume?” 

“Ohhhh! That’s so silly!” She dashed off to get Micheal out of his bedroom. 

Micheal walks out, clearly in no real hurry, Elizabeth following like a puppy. “Dad?” He eyes the bandages immediately. “Damn. Bet you look real gross under there huh? Like, splatter movie gross.” 

“Eww!” Elizabeth stuck out her tongue. 

Will chuckled a little at that reaction. “It’s not that bad! Just some stitches.” 

— 

The phone rings for a few agonizing seconds, before William picks up on the other end. “Hello?” 

“Hey, Will.”

“Henry! Why don’t you come over sometime, I’d love to show you these new animatronics I’m sketching out.”

Henry shakes his head. “You’re.. Already designing more?”

“Of course, this time Fredbear and Bonnie will have some new friends too!” 

“This time? You want to reopen, after what happened?” 

“You should know better, Henry! I’m not giving up that easily.”

“...I was calling to ask how you’re doing, Will, you were acting strangely in the hospital..”

“I was just a bit delirious from blood loss, but it’s all a-okay now!” 

“Alright.. If you’re sure.. I cleaned up the workshop, and your suit..” 

“Ah, I hadn’t even considered that, thank you.” 

“Daddy? Who are you talking to?” There was Elizabeth’s squeaky voice on the line. 

“Just Mr. Emily, we’re planning out some new robots, okay?” 

“Oh! Can you make one of them a chicken? A pretty yellow one?” 

“We’ll think about it.” Will smiles, giving Liz a wink. She always was more interested in her father’s work than her brother, though she wished he would bring some of the robots home too. “Sorry about that, Henry.” 

“It’s alright, I’m glad she’s doing well. I can’t imagine it was easy for any of you.” 

“No.. It wasn’t..” 

“Let me know if there’s anything I can do, okay?” 

“That’s alright, and thank you again, Henry.” 

“Never scare me like that again.” 

“I won’t, I won’t.”

—

Even with the Fredbear suit gone for good, the nightmares just didn’t stop. Again and again. 

A man in a bunny suit leaps out of the ball pit at him, bloody holes where its eyes should be, red seeping from every seam, the sound of Will’s strangled breath as it approaches. 

It’s not him. It’s not real. Wake up, Henry. 

Black ink leaks out of the eyeholes, an empty stare. It reaches an arm out towards him, grabbing him by the neck. 

“H-enr..y…” Will’s voice. There’s no denying it. He sounds choked, strangled by the springlocks stabbing into his throat. 

“Get away, get away from me!” Henry tries to back up, clawing at the mechanical arm with his fingernails. It doesn’t do any good. 

“..The d..ead..don’t..d..ie…you…won’t die...” Spring Bonnie’s jaw unhinges, revealing rows and rows of impossible teeth. 

“Stop! Please! Will!” He struggles, managing to get one of the animatronic’s hands away from his neck. 

It isn’t fast enough. It’s an impossible battle. 

The last thing he sees are countless razor sharp teeth, on all sides. 

The last thing he hears? A sickening crunch. 

A noise he’s heard before. 

Henry wakes up in a cold sweat. 

—

“Hey dad? What are you working on?” 

Will looks over his shoulder at the young boy standing in the doorway. “Just some plans. What are you doing up, Micheal? It’s getting late.” 

“Can’t sleep.” His eyes drift to the exposed skin of Will’s arms, the strange pattern of lines and circles at each joint, the scars still raw and red. It made him think of Terminator movies, the robots ripping off synthetic flesh to reveal machinery underneath. “Woah-” He walks over to Will, just to get a closer look. “That’s sick.” 

“Not quite the phrase I’d use for it.” 

“Does it hurt?” 

“Only when I touch it, or get water on it, or- well you get the idea.” 

Completely distracted from his father’s blueprints, Mike looks closely at the scars, before spotting similar circular marks on Will’s neck. “Is that stuff all over you?” 

He absently runs a hand over his neck, not aware that the scarring was visible there. “Yes, except for my face, luckily.” 

“Gnarly. What’s that?” Mike pointed to a sketch of an animatronic fox. 

“One of the new animatronics, I know foxes are your favorite, but I feel like this one’s missing something… Oh, I could put him in a little pirate costume like what you used to run around in!” 

Micheal scoffs at the sketch, clearly more interested in Will’s scars. “So… What are springlocks?” 

He visibly flinches at the question. “I’ve told you about that already, you weren’t listening, were you?” 

“Well I didn’t think they were cool until now!” 

“I don’t think we’ll be using them anymore, not if Henry has his way.” 

“Lame.” 

“I know, I know, I’m hoping to get back to Fredbear’s to get those springlock suits back, maybe you’ll get to see them up close-! If Henry hasn’t changed the locks on me.” 

I left him there. 

I left him behind. 

All to maintain appearances. 

Just momentary irrationality. 

Nothing more. 

A rational explanation. 

That’s what he wanted. 

—

`I can’t shake the sinking feeling that something will go wrong. Maybe it already has. Maybe I’m too late to stop it. I can’t shake the sight of the black holes of Fredbear’s eyes. I’m glad I burned it. I really am. Will hasn’t mentioned it since I visited him in the hospital. It’s been weeks now. He wants me to visit, see what he’s working on, but I just haven’t. Maybe he doesn’t remember what he said, that’d make sense… I hope so.` Henry closes his journal with a sigh, hearing the door creak open, and smiling at the sight of Charlotte’s face in the doorway. 

“You’re up late. Bad dreams again?”

“Mhm..” She was carrying a doll in her arms, one meant to look like a mime. Most of the other kids found it creepy, but it was Charlie’s favorite. 

“Me too.” Henry holds out his arms, gesturing for Charlie to come give him a hug. “We can both stay up a little while tonight, how’s that sound?” 

She falls into his arms, giggling a little. 

Despite it all, it wasn’t so bad.

[baekuras]

me, noting it is almost 1am: hmm i should be responsible and go to sleep my brain out of nothing: hey wanna rewatch Black Sails? here are all memorable moments at once you remember aka basically the entire show lol me: ...

[foxstens]

been playing hk again

[writeshite]

How would Thor/Homelander/Soldier boy react to them accidently hurting (emotionally or physically) their bf?

Thor:

Probably the only one here with some emotional intelligence, and yeah, he used to be arrogant, but he's a sweetheart, an absolute angel. Thor is most likely very in tune with how you convey emotions, I mean he worships the ground you walk on.

If he hurts you physically, and you end up scared of him, I can see two things that could happen, he either distances himself from you for a while to work through the mental breakdown that probably hits him. Second option is he hovers; I mean, the man can summon thunder and control lightning - regardless of what species you are (Kree, Human, Asgardian, Elf, Skrull, etc.) - he's gonna be concerned cause I mean, he could maybe indirectly stop your heart, or crush your internal organs, or just hurt you brutally and painfully in any other way.

If he hurts you emotionally, he's groveling; he's doing everything in his power to show how sorry he is and how much he loves you. He'll probably ask you what you want, if you want distance he'll give it to you, he'll stay away until you call back and hopes it doesn't lead to a breakup.

Homelander:

Like father like son, I guess. Sort of. I think with all the time he's spent around people and getting high of approval, he at least has some sort of knowledge on emotions, but not like in a healthy normal way, more in a 'I've been around people crying and whining before I know enough to be able to speedrun the crying stage and get to the forgiveness part' if that makes sense.

Also, I feel like it would also depend on how your relationship is; if you and Homelander have a genuine thing going on, then he'd probably put in effort cause he doesn't want to lose the only source of actual genuine affection in his life. So you'd probably get an apology, some gifts, anything Homelander thinks will get him back in your good graces. And then cuddles.

If your relationship is a fling of some kind or fake relationship to hype the masses with no romantic feelings of any kind involved on his end, then you ain't getting no apology honey 💀, because I mean, he likes to embarrass people who he perceives have wronged him, so even if he's the one at fault for hurting you physically or mentally, it'll somehow become your fault, so he'll probably bring the fight out into the public, use Vought to paint you as the one in the wrong, if you don't want that to happen then you should apologize, you're the one who's wrong here.

Soldier Boy:

I love Ben, I do, but I know this man has like the emotional bandwidth of a rock like he's probably still trying to process being attracted to not only women while also trying to unpack his goofy ass douchebaggery.

I don't think Ben would notice at first if he hurt you emotionally, or if he does, he'd probably think you'd get over it and then be shocked if/when you don't. He'd feel bad and experience the wonderful world of guilt.

If he hurt you physically, he'd notice a lot quicker, and probably feel worse, I feel like he's the kind of guy who takes physical injuries/pain more seriously than emotional and mental.

[epickiya722]

Can, I ask, why do you think Yuuji is one of the character that is so underated in JJK? He is the mc, but many people (in fandom) treat him like a side character? At first, I don't think so, but I love many shounen, and somehow Yuuji is one of the mc that is underated in their own story....

Sorry if I'm wrong, just I love Yuuji and want him to get the spotlight he deserve....

I wouldn't say you're wrong, Anon! In fact, I would say he is an underrated character. Yes, fairly popular, but when it comes to how the fandom treats him compared to characters like Gojo, Yuji is Underrated.

I feel exactly how you feel about Yuji. To me, he is the best JJK character. Oh, yeah, I'm being bias, whatever, but it's how I feel.

My guess as to why the fandom treats him like a side character because Yuji isn't like how most older gen MCs are written, let alone the others of the cast.

Let's be real, when the mid-late 2010s rolled around, how fandoms started to treat the new age MCs is opposite of their treatment of other MCs. It's because they're a different formula and honestly, I feel like folks who bash on Yuji and others like Tanjiro and Izuku, just don't want to try something different.

They're used to the MCs who speedruns their training and powerups and suffer little to no drawbacks, "trauma, what trauma" and want to be the best because they got an ego and pride they don't want hurt.

Today's MCs? Pain, not afraid to show a range of emotions, training? Oh, they get the hang of it but still a lot to learn and watch out! They have the scars to prove that they almost lost an arm!

Now focusing on Yuji, as I said he's not like other JJK characters.

He's not overpowered, but he's not weak either. He's a bit of a goof and he's says he's an idiot, but he actually isn't all dumb he makes himself out to be. He's not flashy, but he has amazing moments where he gets to show off.

He has a goal to get strong, not being he wants to be the top or anything. He just wants to help people.

He has a sad backstory, but it's only until later we realize how messed up it is and even still we don't have his reaction to realizing those messed up bits. Yuji was raised by his grandfather and he states he is a loner. But unlike how we see with most characters, Yuji is relatively fine with that. He brushes off knowing about his parents, unlike most MCs who would literally beg for answers. He's a loner, but he's not a loser. Note how people around him in his hometown treats him. They gave him a nickname to reflect his impressive physical prowess that amazes them and yet, he doesn't care for the popularity.

Yuji has this balance to him where he's both spontaneous but also pretty chill. A lot of the cast outshines Yuji because they are more showy than Yuji, even calm characters.

Unlike Gojo and even Yuta, Yuji is literally what you call the audience surrogate. Through him, we learn about the Jujutsu world while experiencing (growth).

From the start of their stories (referring to JJK 0 and Gojo's Past Arc), both Gojo and Yuta are established as powerful sorcerers from the start. Yuta may have had inexperienced but he was still recognized as a powerful kid. Both are born lucky with having such powers. The most Yuta and Gojo really develop and change is their personalities and attitudes towards certain ideas. That's it. They don't even have to do anything and immediately their auras show who they are.

In contrast to Yuji, how is he recognized?

As just Sukuna's vessel. Most of the time, he is literally called that. When he's recognized by his strength and abilities it's when he actively has to fight. Then it's like "oh, so he does have capabilities". Yuji actually has to show he can be just as capable as the others because when people first look at him it's "Sukuna's vessel" or back in Sendai it's "Tiger of West Middle".

It's not "Yuji".

Hell, he'll even be compared to Maki. It's not "Maki's like Yuji". No, it's "Yuji is like Maki". Megumi is the first character to do this. Maki is unique enough that if someone, in this case Yuji, displays a similarity to her, she is the template.

However, for Yuji, while he's unique it's almost like it's not enough to be acknowledged until he has to show them. Like, he has to prove something when he actually doesn't care to do that. Yuji doesn't care to get stronger than the next person, especially at this point. If anything, he seems to be the only one from the very start recognize that none of this is a test of strength when people are dying. Note how he acts during a fight. Every major to majorly minor character has displayed some sort of enjoyment out of a fight or fights to show they're not weak.

Not a single time has Yuji ever even smiled. Look back at all the fights and you will see that he hasn't done such a thing. He fights not because it's a game. He fights because he has to and only that.

And it's not like it gets better for him because he later identifies himself as "a cog". It's like Yuji never really had his own identity.

He's the odd one out.

It's how I think some of the fandom sees him. Without an identity, without recognizable traits. Hell, go on any post that praises Yuji and Yuji alone and there's gonna be a hater to bring up another character.

To some, I feel like Yuji only exists to them to hate on. Only a tool to bring in their praising of other characters to put him down as if that's all he's worthy of. It's a damn shame, too, that people actually feel the need to bring down a character to build their faves. Oh, feel like your fave can't stand on their own and show their greatness?

[billpottsismygf]

Space Babies! Weird episode, but it had a charm. I had already prepared myself for the fact that RTD's era was notoriously camp and weird, and that I would for the first time be experiencing new episodes by him as an adult rather than as a 9-13 year-old, so it's not news to me that there would be some campy nonsense with a deeper message, and that this might be more jarring than I'm used to. The deeper themes were really thrown out (refugees, anti-abortion hypocrisy, genocide, capitalism) without being dwelt on, but that's not necessarily a problem.

The babies themselves were... a little unnerving? The mouth movements were quite uncanny, along with their voices and the general "I love you, Ruby!" of it all. I've just now made the connection that the latter puts me in mind of adverts for baby dolls.

The gunky snot monster felt very early 2000s British children's TV. If you weren't there for that, just know there was so much slime; think Slitheen exploding. I am very glad it got rescued. Nice message with the Doctor not usually running from things just because they look scary and, even though this is a creature specifically manufactured to be scary, it still deserves a shot at life.

It feels like a strange story to start with because I suspect it'll have mixed reviews. I would think you'd want a slightly more solid episode to draw people in with. Anyway, there was still a lot of thought put into making this a proper jumping off point with all its Doctor Who 101 stuff. Funny for a long-time viewer hearing it all rattled off in record time, but important to establish for new people, and I do think it's important for the show to remain accessible to people who haven't been obsessing over it for twenty years or more.

As a jumping off point, it very specifically reminded me of The End of the World. There's the big observation deck on a space station where the new companion, in her second episode and first off-world adventure, gets her phone updated so she can call her mum, in particular. The parallels to Rose are interesting, especially with the lecture the Doctor gives Ruby about how they can't travel back to meet her missing parent(s).

Speaking of that, there's some intrigue there with the snow appearing and the memory changing. I didn't like the Doctor doing a DNA scan of Ruby without her knowledge. It feels very 11th Doctor, especially when he literally scanned Amy and withheld medical information, but also the way he treated all his female companions as mystery boxes to solve without telling them. I guess we'll see what that's all about at a later point.

I'm still not completely sold on Millie Gibson, but Ncuti Gatwa is wonderful, and I do really appreciate their chemistry.

Small things:

Jocelyn was a good character, and the Nan-E filter made me laugh several times.

That place name before the Doctor turned the translation circuits off was absolutely not in English. Slightly weird way to phrase that line if it's going to be called Pacifico del Rio.

This is a very early point in the series for Ruby to get a TARDIS key! We're really speedrunning the usual steps here.

[terezis]

ok i was thinking about how the editor of the taz gns said he really wanted them to break lup out of the umbra staff early during tsg. and while i don't actually want that in the comics it IS interesting as an au.

like ok the washing machine-sized machinery falls on taako. the umbra staff breaks. taako breaks, some bones. lup's here! hi lup! she's pissed. now what.

i think first up barry would be so shocked and overjoyed to see her that he would have to reveal himself early. and edward and lydia would not be pleased about these two liches showing up on their turf. so maybe bossfight speedrun edward and lydia vs. lup and barry (and taako and magnus and merle.)

but beyond that since the whole arc really only takes place in a few hours, i don't think there would be much time to deviate that much further. like what would they do. i guess magnus keeps his body maybe? depends how the fight goes. taako would be having one hell of a time tho

like he almost died. again. there was a ghost in his cool staff. he no longer HAS a cool staff. that sucks. come to think of that must have been why his umbrella tried to kill his boyfriend, who btw is not answering his texts??? the red robe in his umbrella IS weirdly overprotective, AND he's weirdly emotional at the sight of her, like something missing in his chest has been stitched back into place, like he's just taken a deep breath of air after being underwater—but also that might just be his bruised ribs from the washing machine crushing. weird day for taako

[tartrazeen]

I am once again insisting that the "Naked guy covered in flammable jelly has to put a super long code into a safe using only a tea candle for light so he can get the antidote to the poison that Jigsaw stuck him with and also there's glass on the floor ouchie" is

✨A Good Trap✨

This was Saw 1, people. The irony was in full high-concept fever.

What was this guy's crime?

Faking a work injury to scam his insurance (aka the genius way to take a vacation in no-sick-days America)

Why does Jigsaw give a shit about insurance companies with everything we see in Saw 6?

'cause the guy was getting insurance money when insurance said no to jiggy 😞 (also jigsaw's a serial killer who preys on people already going through the shittiest time of their lives, like how he not-murders a dude for the crime of - i guess - pussying out of suicide? that's canon btw. that's the guy they show us immediately before naked-jelly-safe man)

So what's the irony in this otherwise impossible, bullshit trap?

The door's open, the guy can leave, he's not actually poisoned

Jigsaw likes to lie. Especially Saw 1 Jigsaw.

Jigsaw also likes making his win conditions exceedingly obvious in hindsight.

Sometimes it's a straightforward, "Jump into the pit of needles and find the key. No riddles. Gogogo." And then you're like, "ohhh damn, i really should've just done that faster"

Sometimes it's an uwu troll of, "I dunnoooooo detective, i guess maybe if you talk to meeee you'll find ur son somewhere................ SAFE?!?! uwu" And then you're like, "ahhhhhh (⁠☞ﾟ⁠∀ﾟ⁠)⁠☞ you got me with word play again"

And then sometimes he's like, "I'm gonna need you to speedrun some brain surgery. no no, on your own brain. It's ironic because you can't. Also I'm going to melt your face in an Aztec face mask 'cause i'm also like... i'm ngl, i'm a little racist uwu. plus the irony's that you live in a hot country or something i guess idk i have five these in this movie, hurry up and fail jfc"

So here, Jigsaw didn't say the door was locked. He told the suicide-guy that, so he will say it if it's actually going to happen. But here, he just said the guy had to carefully step around the glass and crack the code.

You know.

The insurance fraud guy.

The scammer.

Being - ironically - scammed.

Buddy could've left right away, but he was very, very sure he'd actually been poisoned and stayed (then burned) to try to get to an antidote he didn't need.

$5 says the safe would've been empty, too. Like that was the cure: nothing, because he wasn't sick in the first place.

... also this means Jigsaw only targeted him because he was jealous someone else was getting insurance payouts.

So who's the REAL jelly man now, John?!

[indelicateink]

so today i fell down a rabbit hole with The Vampire Lestat. @aquarines made a good post noting rolin saying TVL will only be one season. which got me sitting down with the book to see how they could possibly speedrun this bad boy to cram it into 8 episodes (worst-case scenario; 15 if there’s a god).

idk about you guys, but I could squeeze it into a tight 9 episodes, MAYBE (estimates below)? BUT: I didn’t account for the present-day stuff, which would surely push it over 9 episodes by my outsider guesses(/wishes; I didn’t make huge cuts, just modest ones). and i adore you, lestat, but the present-day stuff is also hugely important to me. bc although the book is almost wholly autobiography of lestat’s past, they’ve promised us Louis and Daniel and Armand aren’t going anywhere. so they’ll surely be bringing in other plot from the rest of the chronicles, and possibly hints of Talamasca things bc of the sister show...?

like. the beginning of TVL's a piece of cake--

Downtown Saturday Night in the Twentieth Century - 1984

All exposition. Hi I’m Lestat and I’m a vampire and a rockstar. How I woke up from my long sleep. How I started my band. Omg the 20th C, I love it. Interview With the Vampire is a book that exists? Okay: here are some opinions.

This can be massively condensed to an exchange with Daniel, so that’s…16 pages down. Out of 481.

but the central part of the book–

(putting this wild ride behind a cut for book spoilers)

The Early Education and Adventures of the Vampire Lestat: Part I: Lelio Rising (44 pages [hardback])

lol THERE’S SO MUCH, THIS WHOLE CENTRAL “TEEAAOTVL” SECTION COULD BE THE WHOLE SEASON ALONE NO COMING UP FOR AIR, LBR. but it can’t be, so:

his early life/whole childhood summed up. shitty family, the running away, Gabrielle intro/characterization.

the wolves.

meeting Nicki, the romance (if they’re speedrunning, this is probably half montage and we possibly won’t get the witches’ place, his existential crisis, etc??), then peacing tf out from Auvergne.

starting life w Nicki in Paris, joining the theatre, falling in love with acting, signs of strain with Nicki.

hey, I’m being stalked.

Maybe they do a lot of implying with his early childhood/family situation and just jump right to the wolves; 23 minutes for Nicki and their romance; then boom Paris and hello theatre. 1 episode? [or, A BRUTAL EDIT: 5 minutes my life/family sucks beyond the telling, 5 minutes for the wolves, 10 minutes for Nicki, okaylet’sgotoparishii’minparisilovethetheater!! 10 minutes. In a 44-minute episode (why not), we now have 14 minutes for the present day.]

The Early Education and Adventures of the Vampire Lestat: Part II: The Legacy of Magnus (60 pages)

massively important part of the book.

abduction by Magnus, death/rape/turning by Magnus

learning being a vampire, learning how to be rich, rediscovering Paris & haunting/tainting his former life and Nicki, getting his newfound wealth/shit squared away with his attorney Roget, meeting Armand and the coven.

Gabrielle has come to Paris to die.

THIS IS LIKE 2--3 if life loves me--EPISODES RIGHT HERE. idek, the professionals will make this work.

realizing it's interesting louis told lestat's origin story to the whole world (unlike the books, where it's in lestat's book). the story louis had to practically pry out of him. lol uh hope the guy was okay with that.

The Early Education and Adventures of the Vampire Lestat: Part III: Viaticum for the Marquise (47 pages)

Gabrielle, Gabrielle, Gabrielle.

death/turning, learning to be a vampire along with the guy who doesn’t know how to be a vampire yet.

fighting with armand and the coven. armand stalking this guy like JOIN MY COVEN YOU TOTALLY WANT TO BE WITH ME JOIN MY COVEN, SON OF A BITCH WHY ISN’T THIS WORKING— meanwhile lestat is like…I admit this guy is super hot, but maybe a tool?

the coven abducts nicki (who lestat has been avoiding post-vampirism): lestat is officially done with this shit.

god they could make this 1 episode if they REALLY burn rubber, but it should be 2 because there’s so much to cover, and you know lestat would want Gabrielle alone to be like 3 episodes at the very least, lol. they might really change the coven stuff based on what they did in S2, which saves some time. [or, A BRUTAL EDIT: 20 minutes for gabrielle to die, be turned, the novelty of becoming a vampire, woo incest on main. 10 minutes of the coven pestering them and armand coming on heavy with the mind gift and obsessive stalking. 1 minute for omg Nicki kidnapped! we now have 13 minutes for the present-day.]

section 2, part IV. The Children of Darkness (52 pages)

the coven abducts lestat and gabrielle. Lestat’s devastating powerpoint for the coven that their life is a lie and they’re full of shit. existential crisis! the coven collapses. Lestat & Gabrielle drop the mic and leave with Nicki.

Nicki’s deranged from being a vampire chew toy and wants to be a vampire. Lestat only knows how to make really good, reasoned decisions, so ofc he turns him. that relationship implodes. Gabrielle teaches Nicki how to vampire.

okay, deep breath: Armand destroys everyone in the coven who doesn’t escape, Lestat encourages those vampires to figure out the new century, Armand preternaturally studies up on How To Be A Person In This Century (lestat describing him as insect-like as he consumes the contents of a library), Armand is STILL trying to seduce lestat via stalking, shit goes to hell between lestat and nicki and the theater of the vampires is created with Nicki and the former coven members (and later armand)

THISISSOMUCH. that could be like half a season right there. but! they could TOTALLY elide almost all the stuff with the coven here because it’s not hugely important to lestat’s arc? they already filmed lestat breaking it up (from armand’s POV) in s2. the focus of this part could be the relationship with nicki reaching its extinction-level event. okay. it’s not undoable that this is 1 episode, pooooossibly less with merciless cutting. [or, A BRUTAL EDIT: 12 minutes to refute Armand’s version—telling the coven to wake up to themselves and get a life off in the TdV, how Lestat didn’t tap the gremlin…idk, this blends pretty well into the next part. Maybe 24 minutes if they crush the Armand bits in this section with the next section. 7 minutes for the Lestat/Nicki implosion. We now have 1 minute for the present-day.]

The Early Education and Adventures of the Vampire Lestat: Part V: The Vampire Armand (41 pages)

before there was The Vampire Armand the novel, there was this entire section of Lestat’s book.

aaaand it starts out with armand seducing lestat with the mind gift (granted, you sense this was not super needed because lestat was already smitten, but armand is practical if nothing else), and he proceeds to either rape lestat or just drink off him by force, depending on how we’re reading that. lestat breaks the spell and fights him off, and beats the entire snot out of him in front of a crowd of party-goers in the rain.

then lestat and gabrielle take armand back to their place, because—lestat’s still fond of him! LMAO PEOPLE HE REALLY IS A WEIRDO, I CANNOT EXPRESS WHAT A VILLAIN CUT WE GOT IN S1

to hugely sum up: armand’s past, lestat learns marius exists and becomes obsessed that someone could be a Functional Vampire, armand reallyreallyreally wants to hang with lestat (and gabrielle) for eternity but they are like. pal. your thirst is destructive. a world of no. you gotta go figure out how to live in the world on your own.

okay here we get into total unknowns on how amc wants to handle this. do they devote an entire episode to armand now, or save it for his own interview? god, in deference to limited S3 time I bet they don’t go deep into his backstory beyond quickly dropping the vital marius info? this entire part V is potentially a whole-ass episode, though, buuuuut I feel like they could squeeze a decent amount of present-day stuff in that ep, too.

it would be objectively hilarious if lestat started to tell armand’s story and armand threw the shit fit of all time and they decided to skip it. (for now.)

The Early Education and Adventures of the Vampire Lestat: Part VI: On the Devil’s Road from Paris to Cairo (34 pages)

okay thank god we’ve come to a part that it would be easy(?) to majorly cut if need be. gabrielle & lestat travel, existential questions are asked, lestat searches for marius leaving giant carved-in-stone letters to him all over the place like a lunatic, gabrielle gets more and more restless/distant.

what’s important here: we learn about armand cutting off nicki’s hands, and nicki’s suicide.

oh, and that gabrielle sat on a letter for some time about how all of lestat’s mortal family except his father were murdered in the revolution, because she hoped he’d go off to the jungle with her or…idk, some fuckin thing, it’s wildly selfish.

anyway, lestat and gabrielle make their bittersweet split, and lestat is so depressed from everything that's happened that instead of going to new orleans as planned (his father had fled there), he goes into the earth to sleep for awhile.

then: hi marius. (AR does love her cliffhangers)

I mean. bullet points are: nicki’s death explained in a letter and lestat’s family’s death explained in a letter and gabrielle’s departure and marius’s entrance. It’s possible it’s not a whole episode. idk how fast they need to move, though.

The Early Education and Adventures of the Vampire Lestat: Part VII: Ancient Magic, Ancient Mysteries (109!!!!! pages!!!!)

okay. to sum: marius takes him home, we learn marius’s story (more to come in the Blood and Gold novel), we meet Akasha/Akasha allows Lestat to drink from her, Enkil is pissed, Marius asks Lestat leave (friendly) and hey, threatens to fuck his shit up if he tells anyone/any fledglings about the existence of Marius & Akasha & Enkil et al (not so friendly lol). this…matters later. as you know.

Lestat arrives in New Orleans.

lol SORRY MARIUS YOU FUCKO, WE CAN TOTALLY CUT MOST OF YOUR STORY FROM S3, YOUR CHAPTER IS MASSIVE, LOL. i honestly think they have to cut his big backstory except for an outline, jesus. we are so pressed for time. (i don’t truly hate you, marius, but christ you’re a pompous dick who has caused so much suffering.) but yeah, they’re going to have to keep in how he came to be caregiver for Akasha and Enkil and all that. It’s the Marius Mystique Episode. Anyway, the Akasha/Lestat here is HUGELY important, so that and Marius…this is all an episode’s worth at the very least.

Epilogue: Interview with the Vampire (16 pages)

jesus

this part is devastatingly sad.

“But my story isn’t finished, no matter how reluctant I might be to continue it. And I must consider, at least briefly, the painful events that led to my decisions to go down into the earth in 1929.”

here lestat touches on the events of IWTV very briefly; he’s far kinder speaking of louis in his book than louis was speaking of lestat. (also, ofc, when AR wrote IWTV she didn’t know TVL was coming. lestat has to poke holes in some things: yes, we were in love, explicitly [“Read between the lines.”]; louis didn’t know how gorgeous he was; omg I was down bad; I was wealthy and he didn’t understand that; we were doomed, I was selfish; I cursed claudia when I condemned her to that body and I deserved everything that came to me, I did it because I wanted to, I don’t regret our family; I don’t blame her for killing me, “it was the sort of thing I might have done myself”; our family was together almost 70 years, which is very long for vampires to stay together, apparently (note: the show gave this to armand and louis instead: don’t even talk to me right now?); but “little things like this don’t really matter. He told the tale as he believed it.”)

something important that I hope/anticipate they’ll come back to is lestat then challenging the events of the trial and armand’s betrayal. it’s an order of magnitude more fucked up in the book for lestat than how it seemed to play out in s2? so i’m not sure what to expect in the s3 POV.

and then: lestat goes to rot in nola, and eventually goes into the earth. before he goes underground armand visits him here in the 20th C to whine that louis—who, okay, I lied, is alive, and he didn’t know you were alive either bc I lied to him, too—has left armand after all these years together and btw lestat, can I hit? I know you’re busy rotting in your depression hovel, but I really, really could use the d right now. aaaand lestat tells him to go suck a fuck. (I guess we're leaving all that out, though.)

So it's only 16 pages, but this seems pretty important given that lestat’s POV on s1 and s2 seems kind of promised? and a counterweight to the villain edit he's had for the past couple years? do they condense this to 1 episode or pepper it throughout?

Dionysus in San Francisco - 1985 (28 pages?!)

ROCKSTAR LESTAT! aside from the parts of 1984 in the very beginning, this narrow chapter is all that actually exists of rockstar lestat!! rolin, please give us a healthier meal than this. I trust you on this implicitly.

so: vampires internationally threatening lestat and his band, rockstar lyfe, brief reunion with louis (shamefully SHORT), hey it’s the big concert, shit happens, oh shit it’s Gabrielle saving the day!, okay let’s adjourn and regroup tomorrow this has been a wild ride, OH NO AKASHA— finis.

I’m assuming this is threaded throughout s3, heavy on the final episode. the louis part we already know will be different--they've had a reunion.

idk how all that works, but I have total faith they’ll make good television.

I am baffled, on the face of it, how they pull in Louis—unless they get creative with blending in the other books NOW.

frex they could OPEN the season just dumping us in with Lestat at Marius’s island where he/we meet Akasha and touch briefly on that, and then flash forward to the present-day interview and jump around the telling of TVL like that. but, vitally, we’ve been introduced to Akasha from the start, so hints of her can start showing up in the present-day plot in a way that makes sense to the (unread) audience, which gives us a big plot-driving reason to spend a lot of time in the present day, with louis, possibly the talamasca, possibly Jesse and the fam. or the talamasca does an infodump on akasha early, idk.

whatever they do, I need them to be creative and get me so much louis up in here. matched! set! do! not! separate!

honestly I’m not sure how they squeeze this all down to 8 episodes without a chainsaw, but! again: i have faith. though honestly i'm hoping for 15 episodes.

[littleandless]

SEASON 2 EPISODE 7 THOUGHTS

i wonder how rhaenyra will discover that addam is corlys’s son. because there’s no way that can stay a secret, right? either corlys himself will make it known when he asks her to legitimize him or mysaria (if she knows—which i assume she does or will soon). i understand why addam didn’t just tell her outright, even if it would have been easier in some ways. corlys is still his liege lord before anything else and airing out his dirty laundry probably wouldn’t get him a pat on the back from papa either.

NEW TULLY LORD!!!! oscar and his men outnumber daemon, so he can afford to get a bit sassy. it’s a shame about willem though. oh well! i knew he was toast as soon as he started pleading with daemon to rescue him…he doesn’t give a fuck my boy😭 plus all the war crimes

more visions of viserys. i didn’t find this one very compelling, seeing as it’s just “i never wanted to be king boo hoo. why do you want this shit so bad?” when it is all so very obvious. and no alys????? i better see at least 10 minutes of screen time from her in the next episode.

we finally got an emotional outburst from jacaerys! thank the gods. his mother royally fucked him over by making him bastard-born and now (despite it being necessary) weakens his only claim to legitimacy. he has every right to be upset. as aegon2 once said: “everybody knows.” he loves his mother and is loyal to her, but he can’t quite cope with the danger she’s put him in. and she could never fully appreciate what it means for her sons, even if she does hear the insults. she can’t bolster her own claim without weakening his. poor jace, luke, & joffrey. they were truly doomed from the start. my sweet boys :(

we finally had a proper gathering of potential dragonriders and not just one measly person at a time. that’s good. i don’t like that they all had blonde hair, though. you’re telling me all the other bastards got white hair but not rhaenyra’s heirs? the blood of the dragon is just that strong? jacey is so doomed by the narrative.

also…hugh son of saera????? i was kind of hoping he’d just say her name but i guess we’re being coy about it. it’s a fun easter egg i suppose but 1. it reaffirms the targaryen blood purity BS they were just questioning two seconds ago and 2. poor saera not only had a shit dad that shamed her but also a failson who’s embarrassed of his rich sexy princess mother #justiceforsaera

alicent deciding to fuck off into the woods was the right decision. it’s probably the last moment of peace she’ll ever have. so hey, why not run away and go for a swim, take in the fresh air, ride a horse, and dream of disappearing forever? i said it before, but her part in this power struggle is basically over. now all she can do is wait.

am i wrong or did aemond send his brother’s bffs to the wall? i can’t remember their names and i don’t care to look it up, but it seems the most likely.

larys wants aegon to recover so bad lmao. i know he will eventually, but still. give it a rest bro i doubt he is as charmed by your camaraderie as you think he is…especially since you’re making him speedrun these physical therapy sessions! i’m surprised he’s still bothering with these people. he also basically fucks off in f&b and then reappears later. i wonder if that’s going to happen in the show or if he’s here to stay.

alrighty. the scales have tipped in rhaenyra’s favor. now she has seven dragons: syrax, vermax, moondancer, seasmoke, vermithor, silverwing, and caraxes (kind of). sheepstealer hasn’t been seen in the show yet, but since rhaena will probably claim him we can tentatively add his name to the roster. in f&b the blacks also had tyraxes, who i believe was shown last episode but is obviously still a baby. team green has vhagar and now tessarion. dreamfyre as well, even though i don’t believe she’s been shown before. i assume they’ll have to now unless the showrunners want to make the balance very dramatically skewed. and princess jaehaera has morghul but he also hasn’t been shown, and in f&b he was never even ridden. sunfyre is dead i think? so yeah, wow. sky lizards abound.

can’t wait for more! i’m sad we only have one more episode of this season. but hey, at least george said the writers are meeting up soon for season 3. hopefully we’ll only wait one year instead of 2😆

[thefloorisbalaclava]

i want you to want me [johnny 'soap' mactavish x f!reader]

🢒pairing: johnny 'soap' mactavish x f!reader 🢒words: 2,986 🢒warnings: SMUT AHEAD - friends to lovers, sex on the first date, unprotected sex, some dirty talk, oral sex (m and f receiving), woman on top 🢒summary: you finally take soap up on his offer to take you out. by the end of the night, he ends up in your room.

🢒a/n: so this is basically a friends-to-lovers speedrun. sorry, not sorry.

ꔪ[masterlist]

You and Johnny were fast friends. Anyone who met him had a tough time not being his friend. He was funny, spontaneous, and charming in his unique way that drew people in. At times, he could get a little cocky, but even then, he was magnetic.

And he liked you—a lot.

The truth was, you were afraid to take things any further with him because you two were such great friends. There was some harmless flirting here and there, but there was no denying the attraction between you. It was apparent to everyone else as well.

Johnny wanted you, and he wasn’t afraid to say it, even in a joking way. He looked at you from across the table and winked, and you stuck your tongue out at him.

“I’ll show you what you can do with that, lass,” he warned with that cocky smirk.

“In your dreams,” you teased. Even when he looked away, your gaze lingered on him. You checked your watch and jumped up. You needed to be in bed to be up bright and early to lead PT tomorrow.

“Leavin’ us so soon?” Soap asked.

“Yup. Bye, losers!” you joked before walking away. You counted the seconds in your head for how long it took Soap to follow behind you.

“20 seconds this time, Johnny. You know how to leave a girl waiting, huh?”

“Don’t be like that,” he said, feigning sadness. “Got something I wanna ask ya.”

“Should I be worried?” You stopped and looked at him.

“No,” he chuckled. He rubbed the back of his neck. Was he nervous? “We’re all going out tomorrow night, and I was wondering if you’d like to…accompany me….”

His words trailed off. He knew that every other time he asked something like this, your answer was no.

“I know you’re going to say no, but I’m a persistent fella,” he said.

“No shit,” you joked. You pretended to think, tapping your chin with your finger. “Sure, I’ll accompany you.”

“Okay, well, can’t say I didn’t—wait, what? Did you say yes?” The smile on his face grew tenfold.

“I said yes,” you giggled.

“Holy shit…fuck…um…I’m gonna hug you now,” he warned before wrapping his arms around you, making you laugh even more.

“You better let go of me before people get the wrong idea, Johnny.”

“Would that be so bad?” he asked, pulling back to look at you. His hands still rested on your waist.

You shrugged. “I guess it wouldn’t be too bad.” You ruffled his hair, and he let you go. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay!” he said excitedly, the smile never leaving his face.

Leading PT kicked your ass, so you were excited about going out tonight and not thinking about anything but having fun.

Soap knocked on the door as soon as you stepped out of your bathroom. You looked through the peephole and watched how he smoothed down his clothes, ensured his hair was straight, and ran his tongue along his teeth before you opened the door.

“Thank God,” he said as he hugged you. “I was afraid you’d stand me up.”

You pulled back. “You think I’d do that to you, Johnny?”

“No. I mean…I don’t know. I know I can…ruffle yer feathers sometimes and—”

“Let’s have fun tonight, okay? I’ve been looking forward to this.”

“You have?” he asked in shock as you walked into the hall and closed the door behind you. “I mean…of course you have. I’m a blast to be around.”

“Oh, Johnny, you never cease to amaze me,” you teased.

As always, Johnny made you laugh until you cried. You found that he was even funnier with a few drinks in him. His accent became a bit stronger too.

“I hope you don’t mind…” he started.

“What?!” you yelled over the noise of the pub. He leaned in close, his lips touching your ear.

“I said I hope you don’t mind, but these drinks are making me wanna be very honest with you right now….”

“I thought you were always honest with me, Johnny.”

“I am, but…this is different. I want…I want…” he stammered.

“You want?”

“You!” he shouted, and you blinked at him.

“I’m pretty sure I already knew that,” you told him.

He shook his head. “Nah, you don’t get it. I want you.” He gave you a look, and finally, it clicked.

“Oh…oh!” You quickly brought your drink to your lips and finished it all. “Excuse me.” You stood quickly and walked to the bathroom. Luckily, it was empty.

You stared at yourself in the mirror and pondered. It’s not like you hadn’t thought of it before, but that was in your private thoughts. It’s not like you thought you would ever really sleep with him—it was just fun to think about.

You worried that it would make him see you in an entirely new light if you had slept with him so quickly.

“Who the fuck cares?” you mumbled to your reflection. After a few more deep breaths, you walked out of the bathroom and found Johnny wallowing in his whiskey. He perked up once he saw you making your way over.

“Look, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable…” he started.

You leaned so you could talk in his ear. “You wanna get outta here?”

He was taken aback. If his eyebrows went any higher, they would be at his hairline. “Like…now you mean?”

You nodded, then turned to the others. “I’m going. Bye, guys!” You walked out, and a few moments later, Johnny joined you.

“I-I think they might know,” he said.

“Of course they do. Do you care?” you asked.

“Not if you don’t.” He seemed a lot more nervous than usual. “Um…it’s probably not a great idea if I drive.”

“We’ll Uber and come back to get your car tomorrow. Sound good?” You looked at him, and he was staring at you in disbelief.

“Are you real?” he asked.

“You’re not that drunk, are you?” You found an Uber that was only 2 minutes away.

“So, this is happening?”

“Yup. There’s our guy,” you said, pulling him along by his wrist.

He appeared to be in a daze the whole way back. He did so in a complete trance when you told him to follow you to your room. Even when you let him inside, he just stood by the door.

“Johnny?” You kicked your shoes off and stood in front of him. “Are you okay?”

“I think so. Yeah.” He finally looked at you and smiled.

“Hey,” you said.

“Hey.”

“Wanna watch some TV?” you asked.

“Sure.” He took his boots off and joined you on the small sofa, tensing up when you put your legs across his lap.

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah.” He smirked and relaxed a little more.

Before long, you two were more interested in what the other had to say than the television. You could listen to him talk for hours on end.

“When are you gonna kiss me, Johnny?” you asked.

“You want me to?”

You nodded. “I’ve always wanted to know what your lips feel like.”

“Really?”

“Really.” You sat up on your knees and moved closer to him. He cleared his throat and wet his lips quickly before leaning in. You met him halfway.

The kiss felt so natural—like it was meant to happen. He sighed happily, and you deepened the kiss, nearly laying your entire top half over his lap.

“Wait,” he breathed, then shrugged his jacket off before helping you climb into his lap and kissing you again.

You had always loved his arms. As you kissed, you rubbed them, feeling the dips, veins, and muscles running through them. When you found his hands, you brought them up to your cheeks. He pulled away to look at you.

“What?” you wondered.

Slowly, he traced your lips with two fingers and then pressed against them lightly. When you opened your mouth, he smirked. You closed your eyes as his fingers slipped deeper into your mouth.

“Look at that,” he whispered, and you opened your eyes. “Good girl. Look at me when you do that.”

You whined playfully, but you’d be lying if you said hearing the words good girl coming from him didn’t turn you on.

He pulled his fingers from your mouth only to claim your lips again. He didn’t care if there was saliva all over them or your chin.

“Are we fucking tonight, Johnny?” you asked as you swirled your hips against him.

He gave a long exhale, watching you grind on him. “What kinda question is that, lass? Fuck…just like that…”

Suddenly, you grabbed his arms and pinned them to the couch before leaning in very close.

“Do you wanna fuck me, Johnny?”

“Y-Yeah, I do.”

“That’s better.” You slid off his lap, and he was about to protest until you were kneeling in front of him.

“Oh, lord…” he mumbled.

“What’s wrong?”

“Okay. Don’t kill me for saying this, but you have no idea how many times I’ve gotten off to this very scenario with you.” He swallowed hard.

“Oh, you mean with me on my knees…sliding my hands up your thighs until I reach the button of your jeans…which fit you perfectly, by the way.”

“Thanks,” he chuckled.

“…then I carefully unbutton and unzip your jeans to find…boxer briefs…I knew it.”

“Wait, you’ve been trying to figure out what type of underwear I wear?” he asked.

“Duh. I knew you were a boxer briefs guy.” Before he could say anything else, you slid your hand into his now unzipped jeans, finding his cock through his underwear.

“God in fuckin’ heaven,” he said through his teeth.

“Oo!” you exclaimed. “Is that all for me?”

“Fuck yeah, it is,” he groaned.

“Can I put it in my mouth?” you asked.

“Please,” he gasped.

You carefully pulled him out of his boxer briefs and stroked it a few times, using your thumb to spread the precum at the tip.

You sat up a little more, then looked into his eyes as you spit on his cock. As soon as his eyes rolled back, you wrapped your lips around him.

“Fuck! You fuckin’….ah!” He gently held your head as you bobbed up and down slowly. “Look at you suckin’ my cock. Eyes, lass.”

You looked him in the eye and took him as deep as possible, making yourself gag.

“What a good fuckin’ girl. I love that sound. You wanna do it again for me?”

“Mm!” was the only answer you could give as you took him down your throat again.

“Guess that’s a yes.” He threw his head back and pumped into your mouth gently. “Can’t believe…fucking…happenin’…” he groaned. With a growl, he pulled you off his cock and kissed you hard.

“Why did you stop me?” you asked, voice a little rough.

“That’s not how I wanna finish the night,” he said.

You giggled as you undressed. His eyes grew wider and wider.

“What a fuckin’ gift you are,” he said. You started walking away but told him to follow, leading him to your bedroom.

“This is better.”

He nodded. “It is. Lie down.”

“No. Not until you take everything off.” You sat on the bed patiently as he undressed.

“Are you gonna say something?” he asked after you only stared at him for a while. He looked as though he was going to cover himself up.

“You’re lovely, Johnny.”

“Thanks, doll. Now, can you lie down for me?”

“I can.” You lay flat on your back with a giggle.

“Are you always this giddy during sex?” he teased as he climbed onto the bed.

“Ask me again next time,” you said.

“Next time,” he repeated before kissing you again.

He explored your body slowly, using his hands and his mouth. You could tell he liked your breasts because he spent much of his time there—sucking, biting, playing. He moved down to your stomach and kissed every inch of it he could.

You knew where he was going after, but nothing could have prepared you for his…skill. He teased you at first, kissing and biting at the soft skin of your inner thigh. When his tongue finally found your slit, you cried out so loud you were sure everyone could hear you.

“John!” you cried, and he pulled away. “Why…why…”

“Did you just call me John?” he asked.

“Yeah. So?” You held onto his hair, trying to force him back down.

“I thought I was Johnny….”

“John…please!”…you begged, and he chuckled before giving in. “Yes, John! Yes!”

“Yeah, that’s my fuckin’ name,” he said against your pussy. He swirled his tongue around your clit as he slowly slid a finger inside you.

“Don’t stop,” you whined.

“Jesus, you’re tight,” he said.

“Thank you,” you joked before he sucked on your clit, making you whimper.

“Cum for me, darlin’. Go on.”

“Yesssssss!” As you came, you held his head against you, and he slurped at you hungrily. You eventually let go and tried to catch your breath.

“I could have died there, but what a lovely way to go,” he joked, and you rolled your eyes.

“I’m just gonna sit on your face next time.”

“Please do.” He laid back, putting his hands behind his head. You turned and looked at him.

“I’m sorry, are you tired already?”

“What? No. Just catchin’ my breath…”

“Good.” You straddled him.

“Whoa!” He grinned up at you. “This really is a dream come true.”

“This is almost my dream come true,” you admitted.

“Almost?” he wondered.

“Yeah. It would be complete if you wore a kilt,” you laughed.

“Oh, very funny.”

“Yes, I know I am. Thank you,” you said before bending to kiss him. You rubbed your pussy along his cock, letting him feel how wet you were.

“I need to be in there,” he said.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” he grunted.

“How badly?” You reached down and wrapped your hand around him.

“Real bad.” He was breathing heavily.

“You want me to ride your cock? Make you cum inside of me?”

“I’m gonna cum on the outside of you if you don’t stop that kinda talk,” he joked.

“You can put it anywhere you want.” With another kiss, you sank onto his cock, and you both gasped.

“Anywhere?” he asked as he grabbed your ass, urging you to move.

“Yeah.” You kept your upper body against him as you started bouncing your ass on his cock. “But I want it inside me.”

“The good girl gets what she wants,” he said before groaning loudly. Holding you tightly, he began thrusting up into you. “She wants cum in her pussy, she gets cum in her pussy,” he growled.

“Fuck, yes! Please, John!” You could barely keep yourself upright anymore. He must have noticed because he rolled over so that he was on top now.

“Rub that pretty little cunt for me, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you whined. You loved that he looked down to watch you play with yourself as he fucked you. It didn’t take you long to cum again.

“God, you’re practically gushing all over me,” he said, tilting his head and watching his cock move in and out of you.

“You’re too far away,” you complained, holding your arms out to him.

“Sorry, love.” He leaned in and rested his forehead against yours. “How’s that?”

“So good,” you moaned. “Cum inside me. Please, John.”

“Close,” was all he could say. He was grunting with each thrust now, his brow furrowed in determination.

“Cum inside me, Lieutenant.”

“Ah fuck! I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum….” He let out a sound close to a roar when his orgasm first washed over him then he was whimpering.

You both lay there quietly. His head was on your shoulder, and his eyes were closed.

“Johnny?”

“Hm?” He opened one eye.

“You okay?”

“You kiddin’ me? I’m better than I’ve been in a long time. Christ,” he mumbled before pulling out of you and rolling onto his back.

“That was…”

“Pure dead brilliant!” he finished, and you looked at him before laughing.

“That’s one way to put it. Be right back.” You rolled out of bed and did a little run to the bathroom. When you came back out, you were sure Johnny would be sleeping, but he was wide awake.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

“Pure dead brilliant,” you teased.

“Hush. Gimme a minute,” he said as he got out of bed and went to the bathroom. You watched his tight little bum the entire time.

When he walked out, he froze when he saw you looking at him. “So…do you want me to go?” he asked.

“No. Do you want to go?” you asked.

“No.”

“Then get back in bed.” You smiled as he walked over excitedly and jumped into bed. “I have a super important question to ask.”

“Oh boy…okay…” He turned to you and propped himself up on his elbow.

“Why the haircut?”

“That’s your burnin’ question?” He made a face. “I dunno, really. I don’t quite look right with too much hair, but I don’t look right with too little hair either, so…it’s a good in-between.”

“Good to know.”

“I mean…do you like it?” He reached up and touched his hair.

“I do.” You moved his hand and played with his hair.

“You think this will change anything between us?” you asked.

“No, I don’t, but if you’d rather not do this again, I get it.”

“Just promise me that we’ll always be this close.” You put your hand on his chest.

“Lass, I don’t think two people can get any closer than we just did.” He laughed, and you hid your face in his neck. “Nah, I know what you mean, in any case. I ain’t going anywhere.”

“Good.” You wrapped yourself around him, and he put an arm around you.

Pure dead brilliant.

[cybertron-smash-or-pass]

you know the transformers fan to objectum pipeline always blows my mind, particularly how short it is

Oh dude absolutely. This series is built for people to speedrun objectumization the same way space jam speed runs the furry pipeline.

Like. You get a whole metric fuckin of series to choose from with incredibly entertaining, distinctive, and well designed characters. There's variety in tone so the net gets cast to a really wide range. Most shows have good character writing so it's super easy to get attached. And since there's a lot of variance in design too, it's not particularly hard to find SOMEONE to be attracted to in robot form.

But you can't really ignore how they turn into vehicles. It's just an intrinsic part of their species, of their character. And it's really easy to go from "oh this is a weird novelty." To "man if I was dating this robot he could give me rides all the time haha" to "wouldnt it be nice to take a little nap in back of his altmode? He could even give me hugs by squeezing the seatbelt <3" to "oh dear god I'm attracted to a truck"

And it goes even further because not only do they turn into vehicles, but they're based off a toyline. It's so easy to get your hands on the figures, and more often than not in the current era of tf, they're built to be media-accurate. They capture the character and all their personality that you've come to love really well. Definitely helps that there's probably a figure for every possible fave you might have, well-known or wildly obscure. If you fantasize about snuggling up with shockwave, holding hands with acidstorm, or giving ratchet a lil forehead kiss, guess what! You can!

There are so many ways Transformers leads to objectum territory it almost feels intentional. Helps that the series has been for the weirdos since the start (like c'mon if they weren't trying to make the robots attractive they wouldn't have had two different bot on human romances in g1 alone), but its still very funny to think about.