#have had the pdf from here for years but just was thinking about abuse the other day | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

why-do-we-do-this · 3 months

Text

After several days of slowly translating, here's my version of Cellbit's pdf, translated into English.

I've included a brief summary under the cut for anyone who might not want to read the whole thing or who are wary of the warnings.

This was my personal method of processing, and I encourage all of you to do what you need to do so as well, whether that be stepping off of the internet and letting the moss reclaim you for a while, drawing, crying it out, comprehending the beautiful insignificance of existence for as long as you need to, or talking this situation through with somebody else.

tws for:

sexual assault, aphobia, suicidal ideation, manipulation, victim blaming

Chronological Event Summary

At age 9 Cellbit had an awkward and very violating encounter with a neighbor girl who was older than him which left him traumatized. He questioned his sexuality as he was growing up, and thought things would make sense once he actually lost his virginity, which he did to his first girlfriend at age 18. Since then, he's been sure of his asexuality. However, this girlfriend was aphobic and constantly pressured him into having sex with her or urging him to seek medical help for his lack of interest in sex. She would embarrass him in front of his friends, gaslit him into thinking that no one else would ever accept him for who he is, was physically violent towards him, and cheated on him. Once he was finally able to pull away from her, she started making incessant posts about Cellbit being abusive, mean, and jealous, which caused backlash against Cellbit and his content, and she even used his depressive period and suicide attempt as reason to incite hate against him. Cellbit remained in silence in response to this, fearing what might happen if he tried to fight back, but, with the recent new allegation that this ex made accusing him of sexually assaulting her, Cellbit had enough and broke his silence with this document. He's said that he doesn't want this to affect him and his loved ones any longer, and he doesn't want to speak about all of this any more than he already had to.

Cellbit's pdf

MY RESPONSE, 7 YEARS LATER

7 years ago I was in a relationship with a person who lied compulsively, cheated on me, tricked me and has tried to ruin my life up until the present, though I've always tried to stay silent.

This week, she accused me of sexual assault.

This is a complete lie.

It's time to finally tell everything that I have lived through.

[A messaging string between Cellbit and his ex-girlfriend, dated 22nd May, 2018]

(ex-girlfriend) "There's no normal way to ask this / I'm just curious / but are you actually asexual? / or something?"

(Cellbit) "as in, not enjoying sex? / I am"

This relationship began in 2015. I had just turned 18 and she was 20. 9 years ago. I broke up with her in 2017, two years later.

After we broke up I never responded to any of the allegations that she publicly made against me. I didn't want my followers going on a witch hunt, and even less to expose a personal relationship which used to bring me so much pain.

The only statement that I made was related to me doing therapy, I never mentioned her name and never spoke about anything that she did to me. I NEVER attacked her nor encouraged any kind of hate towards her during all of these years.

And, despite her always claiming that "she doesn't want to revive that subject", she is literally the only one who keeps talking about it, inventing and distorting more things every time, even 7 years later. And I have always maintained my quiet, always held on to my silence. But this week, she has made the worst accusation so far, and there is no more silence to hold on to.

This is a document directly relaying all the facts of what I lived, with any evidence that I could get in order to confirm things. This is not me asking for forgiveness. I am not here to try to convince anyone that doesn't like me to change their opinion.

I've learned after all these years that in this situation I always am going to be seen as the one at fault. It doesn't matter what I say. Any kind of defense or argument is going to always be accused of "silencing" her.

And, if I keep quiet, like I did for all of these years, that would be interpreted as me "keeping quiet because it confirms the truth". And she'll continue accusing me of more and more absurd things.

So then, like I said, this is not an apology, it's clarification. A report detailing everything that happened, point by point, about all of the events that were "exposed" by my ex-girlfriend. And from there, you all can draw your own conclusions.

I know that even after everything that I write here, many people are still going to refuse to consider the other side of things. There is an image that has been constructed of me, where I am a psychotic monster, which is difficult to erase. But this document isn't for the people who believe in that. This clarification is for those who have always been willing to understand.

I just want people to finally hear my story and take away what they will from it. I am no longer going to let this destroy the lives of the people that I love in the same way that it destroyed mine.

ASEXUALITY AND THE SEXUAL ASSULT ACCUSATION

I am going to begin by directly responding to the accusation that is making me publish this report after all of these years of silence. I have never been accused of something as absurd as this, and I am completely certain that I can PROVE that it is IMPOSSIBLE that this claim is real.

After years accusing me of countless things, for the first time my ex-girlfriend has decided to accuse me of an unforgivable crime. She posted a tweet that mentions me by name, implying that I sexually violated her.

Without any proof, after years of making one exposure after another, trying to destroy my image and my life, she's finally decided to call on a lie about the worst thing that she can:

[A tweet from a fan and a reply from the ex-girlfriend]

(Fan) "I'm never going to forget the details she gave about how insane it was to give pussy to Cellbit because his dick was thick"

(Ex-girlfriend) "I really want you guys to stop reviving the sexual assault that I sufferered without having any understanding of things, as if it's funny. Unfortunately, I thought it was normal to feel pain and suffer a shitload of pressure to feed into his self-esteem publicly, and so I said shit that I thought would please him. You all should be embarrassed, bunch of assholes."

I am asexual.

All of my personal friends have known for many years that I am asexual, and I had mentioned it before in some different places publically. My sexuality was never a subject that I spoke much about, but was also never something that I tried to hide.

[A messaging string between Cellbit and an unnamed individual, dated 27th July, 2020.]

(Cellbit) "[Fans on YouTube] made a compilation of all the times I've shown being asexual on the internet"

(unnamed) "afkahfkhfks amazing / people are talking about that / you're fine with it?"

(Cellbit) "It doesn't matter to me, I won't have to suffer prejudice for it if I don't reveal it directly / despite wanting to eventually, only for those who are able to comfortably accept it as is"

(unnamed) "I understand / If one day you want to, you should speak about it. I think that it's more of a positive thing than a negative tbh lmao"

To be brief, this doesn't mean that I cannot have sex, but I simply don't have interest or desire to.

[An image of a youtube video thumbnail and title. The thumbnail is of Cellbit with a quote that says "I don't like to have sex," the title is "Cellbit, are enigmas better than sex?" the video is dated to four years ago. A link to this is included in the original document]

I've always been like this, ever since I was a child. And, despite being interested romantically in people and falling in love normally, I do not feel the desire to have sexual relations of any kind.

I always grew up feeling that there was something different about me in contrast to other people. I questioned my sexuality a lot, not understanding if I was gay or if there was something physically wrong with me, and I thought that maybe I would understand everything once I lost my virginity. This happened with my ex-girlfriend, and ever since that first time I had sex, I knew that this was really just the way I am. I began researching, reading about asexuality on the internet and talking with a psychologist about it.

Despite this, I can have and have had sexual relationships in my life. I just don't feel any desire or physical need to have sex.

Including, actually, that I have a healthy sex life with my current girlfriend.

My ex-girlfriend is now accusing me of sexual assault. We had sexual relations consistently, always when she wanted, it was always her who initiated, and she always told me that there was something wrong with me. It was a topic that she repeatedly brought up to humiliate me around friends, as well. Sometimes as little jokes, but other times in much more exposing ways. On one occasion, for example, we went out with some friends and she asked for one of them to give me a "lesson on sex" so that I "do things more enthusiastically."

She also constantly would tell me that I should go to be examined and get medical treatment to try and "fix" me. All of the sexual relations that I had with her went until she felt satisfied, and then she would tell me to finish up alone.

I talked with her numerous times about being asexual when we were together. I mentioned that I'd spoken about it in therapy and that I was reading more about it in online communities. She didn't believe that it was possible, and insisted that I had something wrong with me.

[A messaging string between Cellbit and his ex-girlfriend, dated 22nd May, 2018. This is a repeat image of one that appears earlier in the document]

(ex-girlfriend) "There isn't a normal way to ask about this / I'm just curious / are you actually asexual? / or something?"

(Cellbit) "As in, not enjoying sex? / I am"

Even after we ended our relationship, when we spoke again in 2018, she still invalidated my sexuality.

I lost count of how many times she made me feel obligated to have sex with her, even when I clearly didn't want to, just so that she would feel satisfied, because of the fear that if I didn't do it, she would cheat on me.

Even knowing that it was a matter I didn't want disclosed, she still spoke publicly about our sex life just to make me feel more pressured to "go and see what's wrong with me sooner."

[A screenshot of a video with the thumbnail most of the way cut out, titled "Cellbit's girlfriend talking about his dick", dated 6 years ago. A link to this is included in the original document]

I couldn't understand exactly why she decided to lie about something that she knew I would never have had the capacity to do.

THE ABUSE THAT I SUFFERED

In addition to all of that, I had been sexually abused when I was 9 years old by my neighbor when I lived inland in the countryside, and she knew about this. This is a story that I avoided speaking about the most that I could, I never had the courage to even tell this to my mother, and my ex KNEW that I NEVER wanted to disclose this to the whole internet, no matter what happened. It was something that left me with massive trauma that is still very difficult to talk about.

Very few people in my social circle know about this, because it's something that pains me greatly to remember. In 2019, I also told part of the story to some mods and people in my off-stream chat community that I trusted.

[A series of chat history messages from Cellbit, dated to 19th May, 2019.]

"The older person wasn't a man / ...... / The story starts in the chicken coop / when I, my neighbor [redacted], who was the same age as me, and his older sister were playing wedding / I was the groom, she was the bride, and [redacted] was the minister / Their parents had left the house and it was just us three in the chicken coop of the abandoned train station house / After the ceremony, we didn't kiss, but me and the girl went into their parent's bedroom to have a "honeymoon" / but, I was only 9 years old and didn't know what sex was / I just knew that people got naked on a bed / so [redacted] stayed outside of the room, and me and his sister got naked on the bed, rubbing against eachother pretending that we were having sex. I thought that that was actually real sex and was mortified, she was a lot older and I didn't know why she was doing that"

And now, YEARS AFTER living that hell, being humiliated different times by her, questioning my own sexuality, feeling used, she makes a post implying that I committed the worst and most disgusting crime that exists. A crime that I suffered through.

A person that she KNOWS would never be able to commit that. But she feels free to accuse me because until today I have always kept silent.

Accusing me of something that was literally never mentioned by her before, suddenly, on the week that I am going to participate in an international award ceremony. It's something that comes up in a new story that she deletes soon after giving people just enough time to take a screenshot, like she always does.

She always alleged that we had a toxic relationship, but now, in 2024, she accuses me of sexual assault, without any kind of proof, and never having spoken about that before in all these years.

Even after 7 years, she continues controlling my life, forcing me to publicly humiliate myself and talk about the most intimate side of my life, making me expose my sexuality and the fact that I was abused when I was a kid, just to be able to prove that I would never do something as terrible as that.

For me, this is the limit.

I have always had empathy and concern for her, and she never stopped. I just want to live my life in peace.

THE BEGINNING OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND THE OTHER ACCUSATIONS

I met my ex-girlfriend in 2015, at an event called XMA 2015. I had a panel to talk with some followers and take some photos after. During these events, all of the guests stayed separated in some rooms where we could talk. There, I met her for the first time and we very quickly began to flirt with eachother.

[An article heading titled "XMA Mega Arena 2015: Event assembling champions and stars of e-sports" the subtitle reads "Fans of the main e-sports titles are able to watch the championships of the major Brazilian gaming teams," dated to the 1st of May, 2015]

[A video thumbnail titled "XMA - day 1," dated to 8 years ago. It is set 6:48 into the video, a woman can be seen on camera from waist to chin]

My ex-girlfriend present at the event in a video:

[A link to the above described video, which is included in the original document] - Video proving that she was at the event.

[An article headline with the title "XMA Mega Arena 2015 | Youtubers are a big attraction in an e-sports event," the subtitle reads "On the first day of the event, content creators call more attention than the champions", a quote at the top of the article reads "Man, do you guys know if Cellbit is going to leave to give autographs?" dated to 1st May, 2015. A link to this is included in the original document]

An interview that I gave at the event, proving that I was there.

We chatted for around 30 minutes, I had just turned 18 and had never had a partner. She was older, 20, and had already had various boyfriends before. We got eachother's numbers on WhatsApp, and I left to do my panel. At the end of the event, we encountered eachother again and continued talking a bit more.

During that night, I went to send a message to her and noticed that her WhatsApp profile picture was a selfie of a man, not her. I thought that she had given me the wrong number, but I sent a message and in a few seconds saw her changing her avatar to a photo of her and responding to me soon after.

I asked who it was in that photo, and she said that it was a joke that she was doing pretending to be a friend. We continued flirting and exchanging messages for some time, until someone informed me that she apparently had a boyfriend.

She was dating a professional LOL player, and had gone to the XMA event as his companion. His team was participating in the championship of the event.

[A low quality image of an information page about XMA 2015, including the location and date of the event, and some teams]

The LOL championship at XMA that her boyfriend was playing in

When I asked about this, she told me that he was just a fling (he wasn't, they were dating), but that she was going to end the relationship soon because she claimed that he "was rude to her." She said that she was just waiting for the right moment to be finished with him because he "was in a championship and she was going to affect his career."

While this was happening, she asked me to travel to her city so that we could meet. It was there that, a few days later, we found ourselves in Monte Alto, a small town in the countryside where she lived, and we stayed together in an inn.

[An image of a travel ticket for Cellbit, dated to 13th May, 2015]

Fare to Monte Alto, 10 days after meeting her at the event

[A post by the ex-girlfriend, dated 28 May, 2020. A link to this is included in the original document]

"I lived in Monte Alto"

It was in this inn that she cheated on her boyfriend with me, and was then that I lost my virginity, believing that she already wasn't speaking with him anymore. As it was my first time, she was constantly complaining and making jokes about me being inexperienced.

That was the day that I started to understand that I am asexual, something that would become important later on in our relationship.

We continued our relations for a few more weeks, where she would always give excuses for the reason she had not broken up with her boyfriend yet, saying that she was almost finished, that there was just one more game of his, it was just one more weekend.

Eventually, she asked me to help her write a breakup message for her boyfriend in a skype call, and finally we could have a "real relationship." But, the damage was already done, and I just hadn't noticed yet. I still didn't have any idea what I was getting into, and she was my first girlfriend. I was in love with a person who was manipulating and lying to her previous boyfriend, while she did the same thing to me.

Some of the people in the LOL scene who had met her informed me that she used to "switch boyfriends quite frequently" and that they had heard stories about cheating before.

That whole situation left me extremely traumatized and paranoid, but this was only the beginning.

A few months passed, we dated long distance for some time, and afterwards the two of us moved to São Paulo into different apartments. She was living with her sister and studying at college, and I moved in with some friends into an apartment.

All of this initial context is important for what came later.

HER ACCUSATIONS

In the accusations that she made after we broke up, the events have always been distorted and described in an ambiguous manner, using words like "abuser" and "aggressor" in order to give the understanding that what happened may or may not have been some kind of assault.

Among other things, she said that: "I kicked her out of the house," that she "was locked in a bathroom," that I called her names and that I "threw her things away."

All of these stories are distortions of one singular event.

On the contrary from what she insinuated when she said that "I kicked her out of the house," we never lived together. She was 20 minutes away from me, though she slept at my house sometimes, because we were dating.

During our relationship, she was constantly telling stories about a specific ex-boyfriend. An abuser who did cocaine, sexually harassed her, broke into her house, threatened to kill himself to stay with her, and that she'd had to call the police on him before. She said that she had him blocked everywhere, but that he still tried to talk with her after years, and had even followed her back to her house one time.

Eventually, in a moment where we were together, she was using her phone beside me and a Facebook Messenger notification appeared on the screen. It was a message sent by this ex, who I'd heard numerous stories about being a psychotic abuser, apparently responding to a message from her. I have never in my life seen someone swipe a message off the screen as fast as she did in that moment.

That was that day I discovered it wasn't just that she hadn't blocked him, but that they were talking about possibly getting back into a relationship. All of those messages were from the same week, as she was still dating me.

I confronted her for cheating on me, then, and told her to leave my apartment and go home. She began to scream and cry, shoved me, slapped me in the face, and locked herself in the bathroom saying that she wouldn't leave.

She used to hit me constantly, which back then I believed was "normal" because it was my first relationship. I thought that all girlfriends must hit their boyfriends, and even more so because she was a woman and smaller than me. At that time I didn't consider it to be "actual assault," even if it did hurt me.

Even with her slapping me and shoving me more than once, I never fought back or laid a finger on her.

I knocked on the bathroom door saying that she needed to gather her things and leave my house, and she refused. This is the story that she turned into "I locked her in the bathroom"- since, because the bathroom key was kept inside the bathroom, it would have been impossible for this, and illogical to lock a person outside of the bathroom while I was trying to break up with them for cheating on me.

As she'd refused to leave, I said that I would leave her things at the exit of the apartment and when she decided to go she could look for them there. I then put her bag in the building's garage. This was what she made into "I threw her things away."

[A tweet by the ex-girlfriend]

"He woke me up, angry because I warned a friend not to talk to him anymore because my ex was jealous, so he kicked me out of the house without shoes and threw my things in the apartment's garbage."

And yes, I did call her names when I discovered that she was cheating. And she called me just as many as I called her, if not even more. She'd make me feel like a monster no matter what'd happened, literally inventing things that I never said and making me believe I said things that I don't remember saying.

After that, we stayed apart for some months, but still kept in contact and saw eachother a few times. She invented dozens of different excuses, from "It wasn't exactly that and I understood wrong" to "She was just talking to her ex then because she was scared that he would do something to me."

She always knew exactly what to say and how to manipulate things in a convincing manner. Eventually, we went back to dating again, but obviously my psyche was already completely destroyed.

With the passage of time, our relationship kept getting worse and worse. I would catch her lying about little things compulsively and all of the time. I noticed that she would always change some details in stories she told, she constantly talked shit about all of her friends and mainly about her best friend at the time, or other specific things that didn't make sense like saying she'd never felt attraction for any man besides me.

At events, she would say that other streamers were hitting on her, just to see my reaction, and in one situation in particular, she flirted with another influencer so much that he tried to kiss her in front of me. Then when I confronted him, he justified it by saying she'd implied that we had an open relationship.

Besides this, she continued having more and more violent outbursts, often in public over small things, such as yelling at me in the middle of a restaurant with my friends because I put ketchup on the side of the fries plate without asking for permission from her, and then calling an uber and leaving.

Or even to the point of creating situations to blackmail me with, like hiding the notebook I was using for work and refusing to give it back to me until I'd done what she wanted.

Another one of her stories included a party where I "abandoned her and left"- at this party, we had a fight after I saw her giving her number to a guy she'd just met while I was in the bathroom. She justified this with "He looked sad so she went to talk to him and let him know that if he needed anything he could send her a message." After that, I went to the other side of the party, and when I came back, I could not find her anywhere. I looked everywhere for her and nobody had seen or knew where she was. I had her phone with me, and searched the party for almost an hour without finding her. I thought that she'd maybe gotten a taxi home or hitched a ride with someone. An hour later, a friend of hers dropped her off at my apartment and she said that she had been on the second story of the party (which was a closed off section, there was no party there, I never would have thought of going up to the second floor to look for her) venting and talking with a friend.

She also claimed that I wasn't supportive and that I tried to hinder her from creating content on the internet, when all of the first edited vlogs on her channel were recorded on my camera, and I was also the one to teach her to edit her own videos.

She made me believe that I was dependent on her, that I would never find someone who really loved me, that all of the others would only stay with me for the interest and the followers. And I believed her.

Eventually, after two years of an extremely toxic relationship, I finally decided to break up with her in 2017.

Even after we ended our relationship she continued her behavior of compulsively lying and manipulating. In the same month that we ended our relationship, she got together with another influencer that she had been talking with for a while. In 2018, while she was still dating him, she would secretly talk with me and say that she still loved me.

[A messaging string between Cellbit and his ex, dated 9th July, 2018]

(ex-girlfriend) "You were enough [text that is cut off on the screenshot] / just for understanding who I was / or laughing at my jokes / or staying with me / etc"

(Cellbit) "I love you / sorry that's fucked up"

(ex-girlfriend) "I love you too / eh, [I'm] equally fucked up JFDKSJKA / It's too intense to ignore"

(Cellbit) "But I could never stop fucking loving you, Flavia"

(ex-girlfriend) "Okay, look, I already knew this / IQ of 220"

(Cellbit) "And I know that you have a boyfriend and I never wanted to intrude or say anything because I know how unfair that would be for you"

Including, we had NUMEROUS conversations about our relationship where we asked for forgiveness from one another. Even with her publicly saying that "we'd never resolved it" in her livestreams, we talked normally as if everything was fine.

This is literally the last interaction that we had before she blocked me and did the streams claiming that I was a psychopath who destroyed her life:

[A messaging string between Cellbit and his ex-girlfriend, dated 4th August, 2018]

(Cellbit, in English) "Hey / ummm / I love you and think you are [incredible] okay. Maybe today is a normal day but I want you to remember that when you are feeling down or anxious or sad. I dunno, okay bye sleep well / Also this really looks like a drunk message but I swear I'm sober / [audio message] Here's Tingrinho being a little engine as proof"

(ex-girlfriend) "WHAT A CUTE PURR / and really, thank you / c:"

The last interaction before all of the exposures in which she claimed that "we'd never resolved it" and never talked about it.

After everything, she still had the capacity to use my depressive period and exposing my suicide attempt as a way to VILLAINIZE me. It was the worst time I went through in my life. I couldn't work, I started doing drugs for some months, and could only think about committing suicide every day. I only made it through alive because my BEST FRIEND went rushing to my house to save my life.

It's something that I am always going to be grateful for, something that I am never going to be able to forget, and something that he also never spoke about because he knew that it was something I was trying to forget. It was an extremely traumatic period in my life and I promised that I would never relive it.

Another story that I NEVER wanted to have to tell, and one that she EXPOSED on a livestream of hers, like somehow me trying to kill myself was proof that I am a monster.

And even after all of this, I continued my silence, watching her distort everything that we'd lived and transforming me into a monster for all of the internet, scared that if I responded, everything would become 10 times bigger and worse, and the internet would make both of our lives hell.

When I gave an interview on the program of another influencer and was asked what the reason was for the breakup, I tried not to start a war or create gossip, giving a generic answer, saying that we went our ways and that everything was fine, because we really were talking normally. My ex used this to villainize me, saying that I was trying to lie about our relationship in the interview in order to "erase my wrongs."

[A messaging string between Cellbit and the interviewer, dated 4th August, 2019]

(Interviewer) "Man, this bullshit is all exploding, do you want to speak about this with me?"

(Cellbit) "Hey, [redacted] first off I'm very sorry that you got stuck in the middle of this without having any relation to it / So, about your video, this is by far one of the most unfair things in this whole story, because she made it out as if it was a lie, but everything I said was 100% true. / Or at least that was what I thought at the time, that we had everything resolved and were both fine on our own. / Considering, she and I used to talk just fine on WhatsApp"

(Interviewer) "Magical. I imagine that she was insulted by me because of the video"

Explaining to the interviewer that what I said was true and that we were speaking normally, like the screenshot above proves, despite her not believing it.

I was always scared that everything would become a circus, everyone watching as two lives collapsed, when all that I wanted was for her to be fine and leave me in peace.

After we broke up, I spent years without being able to have a relationship of any kind with anyone, holding on to numerous traumas, believing that I would never be able to trust other people again, and that I was never going to find someone who would accept my asexuality.

It took more than 3 years to be able to finally trust in someone again, and today I am in a new relationship of almost 4 years. An extremely healthy relationship that showed me what it really means to be able to trust in someone, and has made me into someone who becomes better every day.

But, once again, like has happened many times every year, my ex-girlfriend continues reviving and creating new stories every time something relevant happens. If I'm canceled for being an asshole and banning a guy playing Tetris, if another creator is canceled for an abusive relationship, or if I'm a participant in an important international award ceremony, she appears once more, posting something about the subject, and deleting the tweets some time later to remain in the role of someone who is being attacked and "not left in peace." Just like she's probably going to do again now.

With the passage of time, she has gone from distorting events to inventing completely new things, until at this point even the public is starting to question her motive for bringing up the same topic again and again, like saying that I "controlled what she ate" or that I "tracked her location with GPS" which are complete lies.

She also enjoys blaming me for things that I don't have the smallest relation to, like saying that my fans made her lose her Instagram and "lose job opportunities," when in reality her Instagram account was reported when she was canceled for a post complaining about an event and was mocked by various influencers and sites.

[An Instagram post by the ex-girlfriend]

"I did an event with them, two days to earn 1500 reals. They gave me the cheapest room in the hotel. IT DIDN'T HAVE ROOM SERVICE- dinner options were risotto or lasagna (both microwave meals) and I had to get it downstairs. I have half a million followers and I seriously felt like a nobody."

The post of hers that resulted in the mass report that deleted her Instagram

Another thing that keeps being said incessantly on the internet is that I "never suffered any consequences even after she exposed all of that"- I lost dozens of contracts from all of the publicity agencies and producers that closed their doors on me and never invited me back to events or ads. But, I never publicly complained or disclosed this, because more than once that has resulted in a war involving the public.

All that I could do was keep working and keep believing that at some point this would all end. But everything that happened caused a surge of hate against me which generated accusations of various very serious and unacceptable crimes that random people on the internet all believed I'd committed, even without having any proof at all.

And I will not stand this any longer. I cannot put up with this knowing that my mother receives threats and terrible DMs, seeing people telling my girlfriend to kill herself or cheering for her to be abused in order to confirm the theories and accusations of my ex-girlfriend and see "Cellbit exposed once again"

[Three tweets from fans, all responding to one tweet made by Cellbit's girlfriend addressing the ex's allegations]

"In a max of 2 years she's going to post that Cellbit ruined her life with psychological problems, that he was abusive and forced her to post this"

"I hope you get fucked a lot!!! You and your shit boyfriend"

"Guys, remember when he attacked his girlfriend? Go fuck yourself Cellbit, kill yourself you piece of shit"

And I'm going to continue prosecuting everyone who continues to invent lies about me on the internet, it doesn't matter how much the engagement. If you have something to say, it's best to have proof you can take to court. It took me too long to understand that I didn't need to stay silent in the face of the atrocities that were said about me, and I am not going to stop again now.

They have already destroyed my image and my life on the internet, but I am not going to let this continue with the people close to me. I want to be happy with the people that I love, and I am not going to accept being treated like a criminal any longer.

She accused me of sexual assault, something that could end me publicly, believing that I would likely not respond because I have never responded before. She was not accusing me of being a mean, jealous or possessive boyfriend like she always used to, she accused me of a serious crime.

And now, she's going to set herself back into a position where this document is an attack on her, when all that I am doing is defending myself from the worst false accusation that has been made against me, of a crime.

I want to make it CLEAR: this document is NOT an attack or an attempt to induce hade against anybody. I am simply defending myself and giving my statement of the facts that happened. I DID NOT WANT TO BE DOING THIS, but it was the only way to be honest and true to all of the people who have supported my projects and my community.

I know that people who already disliked me, whatever their reason, are still not going to believe me. Like I said, I am not here to try and change anyone's opinion.

In the end, here in this document is the proof of a pattern of lying and manipulative behavior that has happened with many people before me and that continues to happen with me repeatedly. I just want to live in peace knowing that I finally accounted for all that I experienced, and leave the space for people to draw their own conclusions.

#cellbit #qsmp #I put everything under the readmore but I don't know if I still should tag all the triggers or not? theres probably a lot #this is a shit situation all around but to my fellow aces and my beloved brazilians lqm we'll all get through things together #also if there's any massive translation errors I've made please let me know I checked over everything like five times and cross referenced #with Cellbit's english translation afterwards but You Never Know. it's wild that a year ago I knew absolutely zero portuguese #took me like 10 hours total to fully translate this but I feel better now I think 👍#shoutout to my sibling for helping me english when I got so deep in Language Mode that I couldn't understand sentence syntax anymore

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spoiledsummerdasies · 5 months

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Usually I don’t respond to these kinds of things but I think this is a good opportunity for educating people on what an introject is as well as romanticism.

First let’s cover introjects. I’m an introject, which means an alter based on a pre-existing person or thing. An alter is an “alternate personality” a separate state of identity that shares a mind and body with someone else. It’s a part of having DID/OSDD or other plural based disorders/ states of being.

I am an alter BASED on Delores Hayze in a system of around 16 alters. I’m the youngest at 14, and the oldest is literally an ageless being. The body I front in is 21 in a few months. Despite myself being 14 and having the personality of a 14 year old, the brain and body is 21. Which means I am mature enough to understand that my source is controversial and a very complex story. I am fair from impressionable. You can’t control who you split into the system. I didn’t ASK to be Delores. No one in the system actively decided “let’s split the victim from a very controversial source”.

Next, let’s talk romanticism. Simply existing as an introject is not romanticising anything. I, and the rest of the system are very very anti-child exploitation. We are firmly against things like proshippers, the sexualisation of children, the romanticism of Lolita and stories like it etc. why wouldn’t we be? It’s common sense. And we’re a system for gods sakes, many many systems are created FROM traumatic events like being harassed as a child. I don’t like older men, no one in the system does. We’re all creeped the hell out by them, that’s why we HATE people like Humbert and communities like ‘teacher crush’ and all that shit. While it’s fairly normal for teenagers to think people like older celebrities are attractive, that’s just puberty and hormones, they shouldn’t be actively seeking out older men. Anyone with a brain cell knows that. I promise you the only people who romanticise Lolita are people with no media literacy or actual PDFs. The majority of coquettes like it because they can unfortunately relate to being a victim of an older man (weather it’s just creepy comments on the internet or full blown assault). It’s an unfortunate reality that most people raised AFAB have had older men be creepy to them in some way as a minor. Weather it be a catcall or something more extreme, we can all unfortunately relate to the feeling of disgust and vulnerability that comes with being a young victim. That’s why so many of us like Lolita as a story, we can relate to the tragedy of Delores loosing her innocence at such a young age.

Liking the fashion in the movies isn’t romanticising it. Literally thousands of of people in the 1940-50s dressed that way. Liking vintage Americana as an aesthetic isn’t romanticising anything, it was a real time period that millions of people lived through. Lolita isn’t the only movie set in that time. I personally like these things because I’m an introject of a person that lived in that time period. It’s nostalgic to me.

As for Lana del Rey, she’s not telling anyone to do anything. Her music is commentary on the American dream, the way life was back in the 50s and how people weren’t actually living this perfect life Hollywood made it out to be. That’s why she’s got songs like ultra violence (about abusive relationships), Carmen (about the horrors a 17 year old has to face as a street worker), born to die (feeling hopeless and lost), blue jeans (about a lover leaving you). Her image of a romantic 1950s America is commentary on how all the glitz and glamour was a thinly veiled cover for the hardships regular people faced at the time, how Hollywood is a major lie. Sure she has her happier and raunchier songs here and there, but the main image of the ‘Lana del Rey’ character is just that, a character. It’s telling a story. Most people understand that, and those who don’t are either too young to be listening to her or have no media literacy. So no, she’s not telling anyone to do anything and liking her music for the commentary and story it tells isn’t romanticising anything.

I don’t doubt there’s people out there who romanticise these kinds of things, I’ve seen it. But simply liking an aesthetic/fashion and being unfortunate enough to be an introject from a controversial source doesn’t mean I’m I’m romanticising anything. If you actually looked at my whole blog you’d see many posts that are directing the book and highlighting the horror aspects of it, I very much understand it’s not a love story. That’s why I like it, it’s an unfiltered look at what abusers are actually like. Lying, manipulating, disgusting perverts. It’s a conversation that’s hard to have, but needs to be had.

TLDR: liking vintage Americana aesthetics/ fashion is not sexualising anything. Liking a horrific story doesn’t automatically mean romanticising it. Being an introject from a controversial source and having a connection to said source isn’t a bad thing, you literally can’t control who you split as.

In fact, the fact you saw a blog run by a 14 year old alter full of frilly socks and Coca Cola and immediately thought it was sexual, says more about you than it does me. And just a tip: coming into strangers blogs and coming off this aggressive won’t stop them from doing anything, it comes off as hate. If you genuinely want to stop kids from being in unsafe places, you need to be more gentle and compassionate. They’re kids, they don’t know any better.

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victorromeofox-blog · 1 year

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Recognizing Abusive and Controlling Relationships

Abusive and controlling relationships have been coming up in a number of my conversations recently, so I wanted to make a quick post about it. There are tons of great posts and infographics about BDSM vs. abuse that I’ve seen around Tumblr, and people calling out abusive behaviors and people, which is great to see.

One resource that I always go back to and recommend to others is Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft (2003). I’ve found copies at just about every bookstore, you can grab it on OpenLibrary here, or find a PDF version on Archive.org. It contains knowledge, experience, and insight that Bancroft has gathered through over 30 years of work with abusive relationships and counselling abusers. It is written to be very easy to read and understand, despite the difficult topics presented.

For example, in Part I, Bancroft addresses various myths about abusers and explains why these myths don’t hold up under examination:

He was abused as a child

His previous partner hurt him

He abuses those he loves the most

He holds in his feelings too much

He has an aggressive personality

He loses control

He is too angry

He is mentally ill

He hates women

He is afraid of intimacy and abandonment

He has low self-esteem

His boss mistreats him

He has poor skills in communication and conflict resolution

There are as many abusive women as abusive men

His abusiveness is as bad for him as for his partner

He is a victim of racism

He abuses alcohol or drugs

I’ve seen these excuses a hundred times from people in abusive relationships, or from people who have witnessed abuse from the outside but don’t think that they need to step in. There is no excuse for abuse - it is always unacceptable, and the weak rationalizations that abusers try to employ as distractions fall apart under scrutiny. The realities that Bancroft puts forth instead are that:

He is controlling

He feels entitled

He twists things into their opposites

He disrespects his partner and considers himself superior to her

He confuses love and abuse

He is manipulative

He strives to have a good public image

He feels justified

Abusers deny and minimize the abuse

Abusers are possessive

Bancroft illustrates all these points with not just theory, but actual examples of conversations and counselling sessions he’s had with abusers in the past, which really help to drive the point home (and show how insidious abusive thinking and behavior is). Even just reading Part I has been tremendously helpful to establish a common language and understanding around abuse, clearly identify when abuse is happening in a relationship, and untangle the cognitive distortions that are knotted up around abusive behavior on both ends.

This should be a must-read for everyone regardless of age, gender, or relationship, but especially those in D/s dynamics. We need to be particularly vigilant and self-aware of the line between BDSM and abuse and always be introspective about our motivations, goals, and power dynamics. ▪️

Bancroft, L. (2003). Why does he do that?: Inside the minds of angry and controlling men. Berkley Books.

#vrf #out of character #reality check #abuse #control #resources

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pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 1 year

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do you think we should forgive people who havw hurt us? even if they aren't sorry or even aware of the hurt theyve caused? you dont hava to respond to this if you dont want to , but i am just thinking, is it actually wise to let specific people exist in my life , (a parent) when they are delusionally unaware of the lifelong damage theyve caused me (and will never understand), or anyone really. Is there a point in.. getting angry, when they oncr again show that they really dont know or care. Still, i enjoy talking to them. So im thinking that maybe forgiving would be better . but i feel like that way i might be gaslighting myself. Have you ever read anything on this?

there is a good book on this anon, "adult children of emotionally immature parents", u can read it online for free if u google the PDF. it is monumentally eye opening. other than that, i can speak from my own experience w/ my parents. i'll put it under readmore cus im bout to get a lil personal;

so, basically, i have one parent, my mom, because my dad has been dead for over 15 years. my parents were alcoholics who worked full time dead end jobs and we never had a close relationship, but i was closer to my dad. when he died, my mom absolutely lost her mind, like, maybe this is dramatic but i do pretty much consider myself an orphan because in 2006 i lost both of them. my mom chose booze, despite the fact that it made her act completely volatile and disturbed, she chose the liquor over me n my sister. my sister is an extrovert and she started spending All her time at other ppl's houses so i was constantly alone with my mom. the emotional abuse she dealt me after my dad's death i think are the wounds within me that truly can never be healed. worse than having to watch him die. my mother would berate me for everything i did, my appearance, the fact i was flunking school, my friends, and most of all, she would always remind me that i am a bad daughter who doesn't love her enough. once i started w the suicide attempts her abuse and guilt trips only got worse. i made a lot of reckless decisions just trying to get away from her. i still feel immeasuable guilt that she is my only living parent but i can't be her daughter. i havent seen her in 3 years..

now that the context is out of the way, here's how i feel about forgiveness: you HAVE to forgive. you have to. for your own sake. to free yourself. for me, when im so so belligerently angry at my mom, i imagine her as a child. i think of her childhood where she was born to a 16 y/o polish ww2 orphan girl and a 17 y/o fatherless boy who had already been thru several detention camps + was forced to join the navy to avoid jail time. i think of the stories she'd tell me from her childhood where she constantly moved from trailer park to trailer park, the caretaker of her 3 younger sisters while her parents worked, her dad often disappearing for months at a time w no explanation, her mother in and out of psych wards. she's always casually bringing up how her parents would beat her if the trailer wasn't spotless when they got home. she was mercilessly bullied at school for being poor so she's never had many friends. she never got any education and has worked retail/cashier positions her whole life. she had to watch her husband slowly waste away, then go right back to work so we could just barely afford to eat. i think of all these factors and it's so so easy to forgive her, despite it all. like if i could reach into her chest and grab her heart and pour all of the forgiveness inside of me into her body just so she could feel happy and light for one single day, i would do it. we are all so broken and forgiveness is the only way we can ever put things back together.

that being said anon...i still have an immensely hard time talking to her. every time we talk on the phone she immediately just starts dumping all of her problems onto me, like how she used to do when i was a kid and she was drunk. she refuses to acknowledge she could ever possibly benefit from therapy. she can't even begin to acknowlege the ways she hurt and abused me. she is deeply, deeply emotionally immature. when i talk to her it rly feels like im talking to a severely damaged child. our conversations are short. i dont tell her anything about my life, i never have. we'll never be close, i've accepted it. sometimes i have days where i'm so angry at her that im ready to send myself to the psych ward over it. but the damage is done, it cant be taken back, only moving forward. and at the end of the day, i forgive her. and i want her to be ok.

i'm not sure what's happened to you with your parent anon, but just know, you can forgive from afar, you don't have to keep engaging with them if they continuously harm you. i really really reccomend reading adult children of emotionally immature parents. its only like 200 pages and you'll fly through it. like i said, available for free as a pdf online. i wish you the best anon and im sorry you have to go thru this but you're not alone. #<333

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greaseonmymouth · 2 years

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Hi! I just wanted to say that your works are so pretty, and they look so professional and polished and I always feel inspired whenever I glance at your page! I’m starting to get into bookbinding myself (I’ve done one or two A4 books) and I was wondering if you had any guides or tips on how to bind in the A6 size? Thank, and keep being amazing!!

Ahh thank you so much! My photos are carefully taken to hide as many flaws as possible, so half of it is an illusion. ;) I’ve only been binding for about a year, and only on weekends when I have the time, so I’m still learning and am in no way an experienced professional.

For A6 (or A7, which is even smaller), I use an imposition tool hosted on GitHub named bookbinder JS iirc, in my bookmarks bar it’s labelled cocoa’s imposer because that’s the name of the person who made it. This tool can impose PDFs for you into pretty much anything, and it’s worked really well for me!

I typeset in indesign (I have an adobe creative cloud subscription through work and I abuse it to typeset fanfic outside of work) but you can typeset in anything, what you want to do is make sure you typeset at the right page size. If you’re making an A6 book the page size has to be A6 son that when you imposition it to print (on A4 sized paper) it will look like this:

(Screenshot from my phone of an A4 sized PDF with four A6 pages imposed on it)

You print this out and then fold and cut. I have a TikTok account where I’ve put up a few videos where you can see me fold and cut pages for A6 - I can’t link on mobile sorry but here’s a screenshot of which videos show it:

I’m @ashmouthbooks on tiktok as well.

A7 looks like this:

(Screenshot from my phone of an A4 page with eight A7 pages imposed on it)

So a bit more folding and cutting than for A6. Follow the folding instructions on cocoa’s imposer if you use that, for folding, I don’t know if other imposers do things differently. I think there are more resources linked on @renegadepublishing and if you want to join our discord server instructions for how to join are there too. It’s a really useful and supportive community and I wouldn’t have tried out A6/A7 sized books of not for them! Seeing what others are working on is such a huge inspiration.

I hope you have fun trying out making smol books! I feel a little like I could never go back to A5, I like the little books so much.

#bookbinding #fanbinding

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screechingkingdomhottub · 5 months

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RATING DIFFERENT MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELLING SERVICES (UK)

Soo bit about me is im bisexual, trans, autistic, depressed and have had some Bad Coping Mechanisms so trigger warnings for sh, suicidal thoughts, alcoholism and addictions, anything else lemme know and i'll edit this. When I was a young boy, I realised bad things in my brain and after struggling finally got encouraged to reach out for help, here's how i'd rate my experiences. First though, regardless of any of these ratings you should seek help, because even if the help sucks which it might, you get a little boost in your brain that you're trying and it could be the difference between 1 day but that 1 day is special. I believe in you. As someone who has been struggling for 10 years now, it does get better but your struggle doesnt magically stop. So this is in no way me saying "all help sucks dont bother" but the exact opposite like always choose to seek for help.

First we have Mr Big Boi Jo AKA the samaritans, I have reached out to them so many times since I was like 13. The email feature is amazing like being able to sorta control when you are willing to not only send the message but also check the response is wonderful. I'd pour my heart and soul out and then be able to step away and recover from that vulnerability, be excited for when I'd get an email back, if I didn't feel like responding in that moment then I would not have to. But they have a tendency to sign post you quite easily like i've been sent to chris at lgbt , childline, some autism stuff that rubbed me the wrong way. It can feel kinda like you're getting dismissed and told to bugger off. "But that's not what they're doing!" oh right i forgot people in mental health crises should think more clearly, how dare i think they may have thinking issues and be sensitive in those times, ridiculous of me /s so I'm gonna rate them 6.5/10. This also probably depends on who you get. I'm gonna have to DQ [email protected] because I genuinely forgot I had any interaction with them, they seem alright and I suppose if you're struggling with gender and sexuality they're worth a shot? I'm rather comfortable in my identity now so I don't want to take that resource away from people for any experiment like this. CHILDLINE - Not just that one phone number you call if your parents are abusive. Genuinely childline is so misrepresented due to what we classify as abuse like if you are under 18, you can go on childline and play games, have a live chat feature with counsellors, ask on message boards, view message boards or send as an email instead of the chat. You can choose! I think it would be amazing even for adults but once again, no stealing resources. "But I have DID and it's complicated cause my little needs help-" dude I'm not qualified for that, you probably know more than I do like don't put this on me. I cannot remember one negative experience with them. I just remember being scared and messaging people, OH AND THE NOTES YOU CAN ASK THEM TO READ NOTES SO THEY'RE CAUGHT UP ON STUFF EVEN IN LIVE CHAT. 9.5/10 would be a 10 if I was still a child but I'm unfortunately 23 so im bitter. It may have changed but now but I strongly encourage people to try it because I didn't want to because I thought it was only for kids being physically abused, it's also for like teenagers who are self harming. SHOUT - Oh Shout, you are the most 50/50 out of these. I genuinely use SHOUT more than samaritans now but it can go really bad. I message and am like "hello i wanna drink myself to death" but if i do that on like friday nights or something, the wait times are massively long and I've found some other way to soothe myself but when they are there they do talk very gently, they offer valid resources about things like as pdfs this time not just links to websites of people that can help. It's similar to counselling in person imo so it's about vibes sometimes. 8/10 or wait/10 damn those wait times KOKO - I'm glad it exists but haven't found much help from it personally. I do like that it sorta puts less stress on people that want to help social media accounts in crisis like that's a very important thing we didn't have when I first had the internet and it caused a lot of damage but in terms of the rating of how it helped 4/10.

GP - OMG GPs right? Anyone in the UK that's been to a GP for depression will immediately be thinking "oh right a WALK ADN SOME TEA RIGHT??" because that's always your first offer. Always. I should also mention I never went to CAMHs because of how my GP saw me, I went to a different centre for at risk youths in a different town in the most wonderful and bizarre therapy I've ever had but that place has shut down and there's absolutely no way other people have had that experience because whenever I say this stuff to people they may as be looking at me like I'm talking about narnia. GPs don't really seem to take you seriously until you're 18. But people don't seem to be really listening, your antidepressants aren't gonna stop your depression. They're going to fight it a little bit but you gotta do other stuff to get the endorphins and that's where the walks and exercise come in. People will bitch about theirs not working and they don't listen to what the GP says like "they keep upping my dose cause it isnt working!" then you find out that person has been drinking every other day which cancels those meds out. So with all that said, GPs are getting a 5/10. Some of mine were really helpful, some sucked, age is a big factor.

I hope you are able to use this info or even just now be more aware of all the help you can get in the new year. It's time to get happy again <3

#mental health

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arwenkenobi48 · 3 years

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The PDF That Saved My Life - Why I Love “All Tomorrows” With All My Heart

(Content Warning: Discussions of trauma, suicidal ideation and sexual abuse)

*clears throat* So, as some of you may be aware, the past few weeks haven’t been easy, not in the least. I was struggling with serious suicidal urges and feeling extreme anguish towards my own body and soul. I believed myself to be tainted, filthy and all manner of destructive and negative things.

The reason behind this breakdown was due to the realisation that I had experienced sexual harassment and assault multiple times throughout my life, including an occasion last year in which I was groped by an immediate relative. I had been aware of the incident since it happened, but was in denial. I was thinking “It couldn’t have been that bad, right?” But after trying unsuccessfully to repress it, I had to face the facts that she did what she did. I was heartbroken and I’m still deeply saddened by the realisation. Everything just seemed to fall apart and I psychologically imploded, plummeting into a dark pit of worthlessness and childlike sorrow. I felt as if I had been thrown into a mental oubliette; just tossed away and forgotten about on every level. Whenever I wasn’t bawling my eyes out and grieving my lost innocence, I was stress-eating and lying in bed, feeling nothing. Every now and then, I’d receive a short burst of energy, but nothing substantial, and the feelings remained.

Despite all of that, though, I didn’t want to die. A small part of my mind wanted to hold on and ride out these waves of suicidal thoughts. But I also knew I shouldn’t have to be going through this cycle of building up and breaking down, so I finally managed to seek professional help. There’s another thing that also pushed me towards seeking help and eventually guided me out of this dark place, and that’s the work of science fiction I mentioned in the title. All Tomorrows by C. M. Koseman (I hope I’ve spelled that right).

I don’t remember exactly how I came across it, but I think it was the video by Alt Shift X on YouTube that did it. As you can imagine, my dark thoughts weren’t only directed towards myself, but the world at large. I was wondering how life could be so cruel as to let something so horrific happen to me. I saw the thumbnail of that video and I didn’t know what it was. I had vaguely heard of All Tomorrows, but was more familiar with the much more nihilistic Dougal Dixon book Man After Man, and as such I got the two confused. I clicked on the All Tomorrows video, barely paying much attention and dismissively thinking: “oh great another sci-fi dystopia that predicted humanity’s inevitable downfall”.

What that video showed me absolutely blew my mind. As I discovered C. M. Koseman’s intricate worldbuilding science fiction project, I became fascinated and enthralled by the journeys and evolutions of the various post-human species, from the fun-loving Satyriacs and the mellowed out Snake People, to the bloodthirsty Killer Folk and the horrifying Bone Crushers. Yes, many of the stories were very, very sad. The Mantelopes lost everything and devolved because intelligence was so painful. The Striders, Titans and Temptors were all wiped out before they had the chance to truly reach their full potential. The Qu and Gravitals, one could say, ruined everything. But what truly amazed me was the fact that many, many of these stories also contained great happiness.

The Colonials, for example, suffered through the kind of torture that I wouldn’t wish on the Devil himself. Being wedged together into a wall of flesh bricks, all while retaining intelligence. And yet, they managed to turn into the beautiful Modular People and create a utopian society. Yes, the Killer Folk are traditionally violent, but the ones that made the biggest progress were the ones that chose peace over war. The Satyriacs started off as the mindless Hedonists, but were able to use their intelligence to appreciate every moment of their joyful lives. The lowly Worms became the comfort-loving Snake People, always able to appreciate the little things in life. The flattened Lopsiders rose up from the ground and became the proud, tall Asymmetric People. The list goes on, but you get my point.

The point is, even though this future humanity went through the sort of Hell that makes the past few years look tame by comparison, they always managed to rise up. Sure, nothing was ever quite the same again, but they managed to make something new and wonderful out of that. When you cut an orange, you may not have a whole fruit anymore, but you have lots of slices that can be shared with everyone. The best thing you can do is move forward. The future will always hold something better for you, even if that seems impossible. Don’t be afraid to reach for it. The final quote of this incredible piece of sci-fi wiped away the remnants of dark still clinging to me: “Love today and seize all tomorrows.” To me, that meant “Be a kind soul and you can achieve anything.”

This entire story ignited a strong feeling of empathy within me; an emotion I thought I was too traumatised to ever properly feel or express again. I think that was the point. Sure, the many strange post-humans may not look like us, but we cannot deny that they are human and that brings out the best in us. We shouldn’t be afraid to show empathy for our fellow humans. Thinking lowly of what collectively proves to be our best quality, claiming we’re “above” it and aiming to become “bigger than” everything else deprives us of our humanity. Empathy, compassion, love, that’s what makes us truly powerful. If we can learn to love today, the utopian future we all dream of will finally be ours.

Love is something that, from an early age and for over half my life, I was never truly given. But that doesn’t mean I can’t give it to others. Just as the post-humans were able to move forward and rise from the ashes, I fully intend to do the same. I’m safe now. The people who hurt me are gone from my life and will never hurt me again. I’m surrounded by loving friends, in a city I love, attending a university I love, receiving the therapy I need to heal and soon to be medically transitioning too. Even though I still struggle to accept it, I’m learning to love myself as well. I think that’s the greatest love someone can ever feel. If I continue to love each today that comes, all the tomorrows will be brighter and brighter.

And to think this all started because of a PDF about the hypothetical future of humanity. I’m determined to hold on no matter what. Idk if C. M. Koseman uses tumblr or any other social media for that matter, but if he comes across this somehow, I just want to say “Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wouldn’t be here today without All Tomorrows.”

https://youtu.be/-WIk29qtrIo

youtube

(PS: I know I have stumbled and made mistakes on my platform as well. I’m still a little bit unsteady after being in such a dark mental state for so long. I’m sorry about that. I am doing better. Thank you all if you made it this far. I love and appreciate every single one of you.)

#arwen speaks #tw: abuse #tw: suicidal ideation #tw: trauma #all tomorrows #personal philosophy #Youtube #science fiction #the future #empathy #the power of love #queue

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whump-a-la-mode · 3 years

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Nemesis - Choose Your Own Whump 2

With A receiving the most votes on my last post, for this adventure we are going with a drugged Villain whumpee. Sorry about the generic name for this one, I really couldn’t think of anything else ^^

I hope you enjoy, and thanks to everyone for replying to the last post! As always, votes can be sent in through any method you want. Comments, asks, and PMs are all just fine. I’ll see it!

CW//Falling off a building, hostage situations, shapeshifting, medical abuse, extensive talk of sedatives, brief mention of a needle

Please note that the third scene of this piece is from the point of view of a drugged character, and thus the scene has some aspects that could be described as unreality. Please skip this scene if this would make you uncomfortable.

The video was grainy.

It was always grainy. That was the strange thing about it-- everyone carried around miniature computers in their pockets, equipped with tiny cameras that would have rivaled the most powerful devices of years prior. Any civilian could take a 4k quality video on some social media, but the moment anything actually important was happening, technology seemed to regress twenty years.

Hero supposed it didn’t matter. Their memory of the incident was certainly clear as day, better than any camera could ever capture.

And yet...

They clicked a button on the remote, and the clip restarted.

The sides of the screen were blocked out in fuzzy grey-- the video having been taken through the bars of a metal fence. Between them, the camera focused at first on the foot of a brown brick building, before panning upwards, only stopping upon reaching the roof. It took a moment for the visual to adjust, focusing against the glare of the sun overhead.

Two figures, on the building’s roof. Two figures seen so often together, in so many similar videos.

The standoff had taken from dawn till sunset. How Villain had gotten into the building unnoticed had yet to be fully understood, but, regardless of method, they wasted little time in taking hostage a group of professors, eating lunch together. A single one had been released, bringing with them a message:

“Everyone leaves. No one comes in. Everyone stays outside the fence.”

It had seemed like a trap, at first. Of course it had. It wouldn’t be the first time that Villain had played such a trick. After much debating, however, evacuation was deemed to be the best option, and the campus was soon barren.

The hours afterwards had been as long and hot as they had been nerve-wracking. The very thought of following orders from Villain made Hero’s stomach twist, but their orders were incredibly clear: Don’t do anything stupid.

It was an incredibly difficult order to follow.

Establishing a line of communication had been the hardest part. Villain had quickly disconnected any security cameras in the vicinity, alongside confiscating any technology their hostages might have held.

In the end, it was decided that a reporter would be the one to go in. One of the most recognizable faces in the city, and one that was neutral. Not fighting for either side, but representing the citizenry.

The whole plan bet on one fact: That the shapeshifting Hero could pull of the imitation.

It worked. At least, it worked for as long as it needed to. Villain accepted the olive branch, and allowed the supposed reporter to enter unharmed.

Of course, the illusion broke as soon as Hero opened their mouth. No matter how good they were at changing their shape, it did not change their voice. In the brief moment of confusion, the hostages had managed to make their escape.

Leaving only the two nemeses, and the building as their battlefield.

It was hard to remember the fight. They had waged so many battles against one another, they all seemed to blend together, at one point or another. There was broken glass, pushed over tables, exploding equipment, and then-

And then they were on the roof.

Villain was stupid, but they weren’t, well, they weren’t stupid. They may have had the moral compass of a kleptomaniac feline, and the brain cells to match, but they had common sense. A sense of self-preservation.

Forcing them to the edge of the roof... it was supposed to be like pushing them to a corner. Trapping them.

In the video, the two figures danced. Forward, and back, until one took the lead. Until they were up against the edge, with nowhere left to go.

They were supposed to stop. They weren’t supposed to fall.

They stopped their own fall, or at least they tried. They were telekinetic. Of course they did. But they were surprised, or confused, or, or something. They slowed themself down. But they did not stop. The force with which they struck the concrete parking lot below was more than enough to knock them out.

The video ended.

And... that was it. The end. Years and years of battles, some won, some lost, all ended. They should have been happy, and they were! They hated Villain, sincerely and truly hated them.

But no other villain fought like them. No other villain had their tongue, their wit. Their skill. Their fight.

Villain’s defeat should have been epic! The ultimate confrontation of good and evil, of chaos, and order.

Yet, their downfall was a simple trip.

In the corner of Hero’s TV screen, small white text helpfully reported to them just when that video had been recorded.

One year ago.

One year, since that day. Since Villain’s downfall. And now...

Hero’s phone buzzed. A text message. The confirmation of a meeting.

One whole year, and still, Hero’s mind was consumed by their lost nemesis.

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The diner was terribly busy, and yet, when Hacker walked through the door, Hero had no doubts as to their identity.

Despite their rather stereotypical appearance, there was nothing about the person’s manner that would have indicated the sheer amount of time they spent behind a computer screen. They greeted the receptionist, pointed to Hero, and exchanged a few words beyond that. With a smile, then, they parted, and made their way to Hero’s table.

Their manner only seemed strange when they sat down, and Hero noted that the way they smiled seemed to pain them.

“Is this seriously what you people act like?” They hissed through bared teeth. “Can I stop smiling now? Or will they look at me weird?”

“They’re already looking at you weird.”

“They are?”

“You- You don’t need to do that.”

“Oh thank god.” Immediately, their expression fell into one far more analytic. Far less friendly. “I, uh, don’t get out much.”

“Really?” Hero raised a brow incredulously.

“I’ve got more important things to do than, uh, than going out. Anyways.” They stuck a hand outwards. It was partially covered by a fingerless glove. “I’m Hacker.”

“I figured.” Hero shook the offered hand. “I’m Hero, though I suppose you already know that.”

“You’d think people here would be, uh, a bit more in awe? It’s not everyday you get to eat in the same building as a superhero.”

“Keep your voice down, please.”

“Oh, sorry. Is it, like, a secret? You don’t have a secret identity, do you?”

“No. But when I’m out of costume, I’m not exactly that recognizable. So let’s keep it that way. Kapish?”

“Kapash. But, still, oh my god. This is so cool! A real life hero...”

“Yeah... Yeah. A real hero alright.”

A hero who could hardly focus during battle. A hero who infuriated their team leader more than they aided them.

“Anyways.” Hacker raised their head, a far more natural smile coming onto their face. “I have the... thing.”

“You mentioned that. It’s about Villain, right?”

“Mhm.”

The person across the booth leaned down, prying a laptop from a carrying case and placing it atop the table. It was a bulky thing, and as soon as it was turned on, the shrill sound of fans struggling not to overheat filled Hero’s head. Hacker clicked around a bit. They gripped the edges of the device, as if about to spin it around, before they stopped, frowning.

“It’s been a year now, hasn’t it?” They commented.

“Since Villain was captured. Yes. 374 days.”

“You remember?”

“Yes.”

“You miss them, don’t you?”

It was so direct. Hero couldn’t help but stutter:

“I don’t- Of course I don’t miss them. I hate them.”

Hacker looked up over the laptop screen to give them an incredulous look. It wasn’t a convincing lie.

“I don’t miss them.” Hero stood their ground. “But I want to make sure they’re contained.”

“I just... I don’t know if this is something you want to see. You’re trying to move on, and-”

“Show me it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. If it’s something to do with their containment, I need to know about it. I can’t let them hurt anyone else.”

“Well, that’s not the problem here. If you’re sure.”

With a sigh, Hacker spun the computer around, so that it’s screen faced Hero.

They weren’t sure what they expected. Some kind of... deep web threat? A message from Villain? A copycat? An escape attempt?

But they didn’t get any of that. Instead, the screen displayed a simple PDF. Medical records. At the top, in bold letters and a rather ostentatious logo, the header read:

Specialized Criminal Rehabilitation Unit of Organization

For the most part, the page was Greek to Hero. A slew of ID numbers and attending physicians with far too many acronyms following their names. What did make sense to them was the spreadsheet that made up most of the page, labelled:

Approved Daily Medication Dosage for Patient: Villain

The spreadsheet took up two pages with solid text. Hero did not recognize the medication names, of course, but they did not need to be a doctor to understand the entries written under the column labelled “Medication Purpose.”

Every single data cell, even as they scrolled to the bottom of the document, contained only one word. The same word.

Sedation

“This is...” Hero muttered, furrowing their brow. Scrolling up and down. This had to be wrong, somehow.

“I don’t understand most of it.” Hacker commented sheepishly. “But, uh, I have a few friends with some more medical knowledge than me. They’ve never seen anything like it. It’s more than enough medication to sedate a fucking elephant- sorry, excuse my language.”

“It’s fine.” The confusion in their voice was rapidly melting to fury.

“Even for major surgical procedures... nothing near this level would ever be used.”

“This has to be a mistake.” Hero shook their head. “A mix-up. Maybe it’s like... all the medications the facility ordered. And they just labelled it wrong.”

“Well, if it’s a mistake, they’ve been making the exact same one for an entire year. I’ve got 374 of these files. Newest one just got uploaded a few hours ago.”

“And they’re always the same?”

“With some minor dosage adjustments, but yes. That’s not, um, that’s not all of it.”

Hacker reached over, dragging the computer back so that it faced them again. There was more clicking this time, along with typing at a speed that made Hero’s fingers hurt, just to watch it.

When the laptop was spun back around, this time, it was a video.

A camera feed.

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Villain felt about to choke on their tongue.

It wasn’t a new feeling. More or less, it was the only thing they felt, anymore. That heavy block of muscle in their mouth, threatening at any moment to block throat choke air no air no-

They were losing their words again. Words... wordsssssss... Voices. Voices spoke words. Sometimes, they did. Sometimes they grumbled and muttered and sputtered and murmured like a car murmured. Cars... or was it cats? No, cats didn’t murmur. They purred. What else did they do? Not bark... no, barking too loud for cats. Cat go mew mew, real quiet like.

Cat’s meow, that is a cat’s voice. There were other voices, too. Quiet like cats. Two of them, two voices. They knew those voices, those were the doctors’ voices. The doctors liked to talk a lot. They talked, but they did not see. Or... no. They were not seen. Villain did not see them. They wanted to, but their eyes were broken. The engines in their eyelids would not run anymore, would not open the garage door, Sally!

One of the doctors’ voices got closer. A million miles away, a hand was laid upon Villain’s wrist, flipping over their hand so that their palm faced downward.

“Let’s move it.”

It was a silly thing to say. Nothing moved in this place. Nothing that Villain could see, as their eyes were broken.

“Is the other vein healed enough?”

“It’s going to have to be.”

Silly words... Villain wanted to laugh, but their muscles were firmly locked away behind a padlock.

“Okay.” The doctor sounded so sad. Why were they so sad? Villain’s mouth was full of soil. The doctor was tired. “I’ll get the rest of the medicines.”

“We’re going 30 milligrams up from yesterday on the Propofol.”

“Oh? Why?”

“They opened their eyes, yesterday.”

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Hero felt sick. In the top right corner of the security footage, the same logo from the medical records was displayed. The Specialized Criminal Rehabilitation Unit of Organization. Below it, a subtitle.

“Keeping the city safe.”

Was this safety? It shouldn’t have been. They had known, of course, what had happened to Villain after their capture and very brief hospital stay. It was what happened to all villains. They were sent to the rehab unit.

A therapy program. Helping villains to control their powers and reform their lives. To return them to the straight and narrow. But, now that Hero thought about it...

Villain was the only one who had never been released.

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Thanks so much for reading! Just like last time, there are two options along with every part of this story. Alongside each options is a question, so that you guys can give more specific suggestions if you so wish. The option that receives the most votes will be the choice that our Hero makes!

A.) Tell someone about what is happening - Who should Hero tell? (They are on a small team, as well as part of a larger Organization, for reference.)

B.) Attempt a more direct approach. Visit Villain in the rehab program - Should Hero try to rescue Villain immediately?

#whump #whumpee #whumpblr #whump community #hero villain whump #drugged whumpee #drugged villain #villain whumpee #hero villain prompt #choose your own whump #choose your own adventure #nemesis

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ethrenisnotthehero · 3 years

Text

@hogwartsmystory is a predator (final)

If you haven’t read the other parts of this callout, I encourage you to start here. As in both previous posts, the normal tags are not included in order to allow this to reach as many people as possible. Potential triggers are listed below, and the main content is hidden to keep sensitive individuals from being unintentionally exposed.

TW: Pedophilia, Abuse, Gaslighting, Sexual Assault, Self Harm, Suicide, NSFW Topics, Faked Illness, Faked Mental Illness, Faked Death, Victim Blaming

Originally, I intended to craft this final part to you, the reader, as an emotional appeal. To be wholly honest, there’s only so much evidence that can be utilized without either forcing Jill to relive unnecessary trauma or exposing deeply intimate or personal parts of her life. Until now, everything I’ve told you and everything I’ve shown you is what was enough to convince me when Jill first reached out to me. If you, the reader, don’t believe the factual information that’s been presented so far, then I don’t think that you will. If you, the reader, believe Jill and her story, then no further evidence is going to magically make her story more true.

However, I don’t have to. Instead, I can let the friends-- the family--that Ren created on his website speak for themselves, and show you with their own testimony just the kind of person he was. Jill wasn’t the only person that Ren hurt. Jill wasn’t even the only person Ren preyed on as a sexual predator. Many people on staff, and many people outside of it, knew Ren and grew to have what they thought was a close relationship with him. People regarded him as someone to look up to, to find comfort in, to aspire after, to lean on; people thought of him as a friend and a hero in his community.

On April 12, 2021, at 9:57 AM Greenwhich Mean Time, the current administrators of Advanced Scribes issued a statement addressing Ren’s actions and his faked death. An additional announcement was made the following day. While the announcements themselves and the replies (including moderator statements) are publicly available, I have saved a print-to-PDF versions on Google for you to browse at your leisure.

I intentionally waited until the initial panic and outrage died out a little to let the most important statements come to light. Included in the PDF are sentiments that I personally thought were the most important sentiments; edits have been made and pages have been deleted, so you can see the current state of the conversations by visiting them directly. You can find the first discussion at https://advanced-scribes.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=42100#p1454263 and the second discussion at https://advanced-scribes.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=42107#p1454361.

Before you continue reading, please look over the statements and replies. The words of former staff former friends say more than I can ever hope to about Ren and the kind of reality that he stood for. Additionally, Jill herself has added to the conversation (username Rakuen), so you can read a bit from her perspective by looking into these announcements. After you’ve taken a look, continue below and I will sum up my final thoughts on this predator and his legacy.

Advanced Scribes • Our Statement (PDF)

Advanced Scribes • Change (PDF)

The Act of Grooming, Part 3: Entrapment

One of the reasons that predators get away with their crimes for so long is because they trap their victims. When they gain access to and successfully lure in their prey, they then engage in entrapment behavior to separate victims from other people and build reliance. The reason why kids are so prone to predation is because of how vulnerable they are. Young people just want to belong. They just want to have community, security, and affection. When they can’t get those things in their lives, they seek it out and take it where they can get it even when the situation is obviously bad. Kids can’t be held accountable for being smart because they’re kids. Jill was vulnerable. She wanted belonging and support. She fell into Ren’s lures, and he trapped her. He used his affection as a tool to solicit sexual favors and pictures from her, but never shared his face with her. She was always chasing his love, and all the while he was simultaneously preying on other individuals in the community. For God’s sake, this man had a selfie thread where underage girls would send pictures of themselves publicly on the site for him to look at, and he even intentionally disabled the website’s COPPA features.

Before Jill, there was Buttercup. Buttercup was also an admin, and she was also 13 when she met Ren. While Ren was a minor during he and Buttercup’s relationship, his behavior with her was just as predatory and Buttercup attempted to warn Jill via PM before she ended her relationship with him.

The picture he sent Buttercup wasn’t even him.

The entire time that Ren was convincing Jill that Buttercup was evil, and jealous, and a spiteful, hateful person, he was manipulating her the same way he was manipulating Jill. Ren is a predator who knows what he’s doing; he always has. He draws in his victims and makes everyone hate them so that he’s the only person they have. He makes them so desperate for his approval that they let him screw them over time and time again, and for what? Just to see his face. Think about what you read. He didn’t just do this to Jill and Buttercup. He did this to every person he cheated with or got close enough to get a grip on. Even if he didn’t sexually exploit someone, he emotionally did. An entire community of people suffered through this over and over and over again. Read the statements again. If you only read the live version, read the PDF.

I also want you to bear in mind that everyone on staff was equally a victim as they were an enabler. It doesn’t erase their responsibility, but their roles in this story or more nuanced than “moderator bad, burn the witch!” Some of Ren’s supporters were as young or younger than Jill when they met him. The two people most notorious for standing at his side right now were both “rewarded” with a relationship with him in the fallout of his faked death.

At some point, this man looked at his behavior and not only decided that he didn’t need to take responsibility, but that his victims daring to try and claim some kind of ownership over their own story was a personal affront to him.

Ren is a monster of his own creation. He chose to be that monster again, and again, and again.

What makes his enablers equally to blame is when they became adults and made a conscious choice to ignore what was happening, which brings us to the next topic.

Finally... How Old Was Jill?

Despite everything I’ve said and shared so far, I still get this question in my inbox.

How old was Jill? Did she lie about her age? Is she free of guilt because she was a kid? Did he know how old she was? Was she legal in her country?

I gave you all everything I had. There were some things I just couldn’t confirm because there was no proof either way. However, all of that changed when the announcements were released. I now know exactly how old Jill was when they began dating, exactly how old she was when people knew about their relationship, and even that Ren was public with all of this information. I also know that staff knew everything, and chose to do nothing.

As you can see in the screenshots above of Buttercup’s message, it was sent on Jun 17, 2015. At that time, Jill was 14 years old. By Buttercup’s estimation, they had been dating for around a few months, which is how I was able to discern the previous exact age of 14 years old at the time they began dating.

However, Ren himself refutes that fact in a Valentine’s post for Jill. As pointed out in the “Our Statement” thread, the post that user amnesia. references includes very sexual and disgustingly graphic descriptions of Ren’s activity with her. It also says this:

As per the timestamp of this particular post (as seen below), Jill was 16 at the time. Ren, a man claiming to be twenty-five years old at the time, was proud to admit that he had been with Jill since she was 13.

You can view the full PDF of this post to see what else he said here, but please be warned that his descriptions are NSFW and absolutely disgusting.

Warm Fuzzies Post (PDF)

No adult should talk about a kid like that. In the statements, several staff members admit that they knew that the two were dating when she was 16, and that it grossed them out. But none of them did anything. To amnesia.’s credit, they claim they tried to pursue legal action but found no viable routes.

From the discussions and statements, we can discern five things:

1. Jill was 13 when she started dating Ren. 2. She did not lie about her age. 3. Ren did not lie about her age. 4. Ren knew how old she was. 5. Staff knew how old she was.

Jill’s feelings and her opinions on staff and their behavior are separate from my own. She does not share my beliefs here, and I need to make it very clear that what I’m saying next is entirely my own opinion.

To everyone who was staff at that time: shame on you. It’s one thing to be a victim yourself and to not understand how or when to stand up for what’s right, especially when you’re young; it’s another to become an adult and to have let something like this permeate your legacy and your community for all this time. From what I understand, none of you are completely innocent in this. Ren wasn’t secret, he was loud and proud and he didn’t give a shit what anyone thought. Everyone who was an adult then and is an adult now shares some responsibility for that. Those of you who mean your apologies, thank you, but those of you who are using this event as a stepping stone to make that website into your own personal playground know who you are. Stop. There’s an entire generation of kids between AS and CS who have lost years of their childhoods to this shit and the only right thing at this point would be to turn the site over to the police so that Ren can answer for his crimes the right way.

To everyone else: protect the people around you. People like Ren don’t think about how other people think or feel. They don’t care who gets hurt or who they trample under their feet. Look around at your community, and ask yourself if those who interact with you know that you are safe. Inevitably, someone is going to get hurt. Are you the kind of person that they can come to when it happens, or are you the kind of person who will turn your head away?

Be the person that everyone knows they can come to, because, eventually, someone’s going to need you.

#ethren is not the hero #ethren whitecross #ethren #chicken smoothie #chickensmoothie #harry potter #hphm #hphl #hogwarts mystery #hogwarts legacy #aaron #aaron strider #strider #advanced scribes #advanced-scribes #skyren #captured hearts #aven #lucian

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1111jenx · 3 years

Note

Hi,🤍 I appreciate your blog! It has helped me to learn more about astrology. Could you give some learning tips on astrology? Did you learn from books or went study to astrology school? How old were you when you started to study about it? If you don't want to answer it's okay.💖

Hi luv,

Honestly I'm soooo blessed to have you guys with me throughout my journey;) I was so lowkey on here for the longest time ever and had like 10 followers when I have been undercover for years haha

Also, your kind words are too much and honestly make me feel so appreciated hehe butttt to answer your questions luv:

1. tips i wanna give yall: buy. astrology. book. please!!!! even the pdf version if you don't paperback😭 they're usually written by credible astrologers/ people that dedicated their whole life to astrology and put in work as well as relatively huge scale research! (years of observations and notes guys!! years!!!) some of my favs author so far are Chris Brennan book on Hellenistic Astrology, Predictive Astrology by Ricke💗(changed my life), Celeste Teal on Planetary Triggers!!!(in depth, interesting takes) Also the second tip is too always learn more and expand your knowledge!!! others knowledge are as amazing as yours and clashes in opinions usually generate GREAT convos and discussions🖤 last tip is too always CITE. gosh i can not stress this enough. i've seen sooooo many time when people(esp on platforms such as twitter,ig and tumblr) abuse others work and didn't credit the astrologer/author for their information and studies/observations. this is why works on tumblr are always so repetitive since no one ever credit the OG author it's rly rly sad😭 it's horrible for smth as such to happen and for bloggers who put in the effort, this is very demotivating y'all:( tag the OG authors if you wanna repost or use their info please! as someone who just started to share my knowledge, I've already experienced this

2. I didn't go to school for astrology luv! I'm actually working towards a science&business degree haha🤣 But i would say that reading books 100000% expand my knowledge as well as constantly spending hours on Astrologers websites haha! I'm so fortunate to come across Nikola Stojanovic's websites when I first started and this completely transformed my journey🥰 A lot of reputable black/LGBTQ+ friendly astrologers also strongly affected my take on astrology! (Matthew Swann on Bitcoin War and @iJaadee on twitter for example!)

3. Regarding how old I was when I started. Phewwwww I think I started pretty early on! I grew up in a fairly religious family yet my mother has always been lowkey so fascinated with astrology, so I was introduced to the basic concenpt of witchcraft and astro when I was very very young. But tbh with y'all, I think I was in middle school when I started to pick up on astrology seriously! I have been studying astrology for wayyyyy too long imo but after years of studying it, I still feel like a newbie and get so so excited learning new info(mercury in gemini thang y'all😃)

i have many many tips i wanna share to you guys tbh🥺 please don't hesitate to ask more questions below! i can't wait to geek out on astro with y'all <3

love,

saint jenx🥀

#astrology observations #astro notes #astrojenx

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ihopesocomic · 2 years

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Random Question, sorry if this weird: where did you find the screenshot of that scene in the My Pride original story?

I’ve honestly tried finding the original novel because people were saying how awful things were in it and I got curious. I just like seeing the differences between the original story and the adaption(s). (Side note: I also like collecting books of movie adaption such as Howl’s Moving Castle, The Fairy Tale stories, Dracula, etc. it’s pretty fun seeing the original story and how much has changed. I haven’t gotten the books, yet but I found them and can’t wait to start collecting. My main goal is to find books of movies people didn’t know it were adaptions. :3). While I didn’t find the original story- I did find some differences between the show and book. People were right. 0-0

I heard the creator wants to publish the book- I haven’t heard from a good source so if it’s true, I honestly don’t want to buy it if it does. I was hoping to find the book where it was originally published before it was taken down but it appears I was too late. I did eventually give up- I couldn’t find the original story but what I have found out happens in the book is making me wanting to find it less and less.

Initially, Tribble published bits of the novel here and there as Literature submissions on DA and that's where I found it. The full original novel was published on DA as a pdf. file but she deleted it randomly one day. Presumably because it went into wayyy more detail about the abuse that Hover suffered at Proudmane's hands, which caused a degree of controversy when it was revealed that hints of it would be in the show (like him demanding she have a litter of cubs, despite her being a lesbian). I am not going to publish what she went through on this blog in a million years but all you need to know it's highly violent and disturbing. And it's not an isolated incident either. The way Nothing's mother - who was named Silentspring or something like that in this adaptation - dies was particularly gruesome too.

I actually didn't read the original novel until the concerns you mentioned grew about it and how it formed the basis for an "LGBT+ friendly" show. I figured early on that the show was a separate entity altogether and I wanted to treat it as such. But it didn't make great reading when I finally did get around to reading it. Not because it was badly written - I don't expect a 14-year-old to be Shakespeare - but because of how over-the-top it was in certain areas. And how some hints of this actually made it into the show.

Honestly, if Tribble had been transparent from the start and stated that this was an adult show and didn't present it as a fun, LGBT+ road trip buddy series in the original trailer, I think she would've been fine to adapt it. It's the fact that it being an "adult show" wasn't revealed until AFTER funding was secured and Tribble kinda used the LGBT+ angle to advertise it. It was a good call to make it clear that it was an "adult show" and contained adult themes but 1) the warning came too little, too late and 2) the trigger warnings were mishandled in the most painful and non-professional way imaginable.

There are things you do NOT get creative and fun with and trigger warnings are one of them, folks.

Personally (emphasis on 'personally' here), I didn't get her need to want to adapt it upon reading the original novel but, then again, I think I was pretty biased against the show from the beginning because I loved Cow of the Wild and I kinda knew My Pride was gonna be its death knell. I supported it because I liked Tribble and her work at the time but, yeah, I really wish she'd attempted to revamp or finish Cow of the Wild with the IPF funding instead. That show seemed to have a better sense of identity as it went on and didn't mismanage its themes nearly as bad as My Pride did. With the exception of the Marra and Rune storyline, of course.

As for rumours that she plans to publish the book, I haven't heard anything about that. She is planning on publishing the rest of the show in written form if she can't secure funding for a second season but, again, I don't know how she's gonna go about that.

#ask #ask us stuff

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gunterfan1992 · 4 years

Text

“Exploring the Land of Ooo” out NOW

Surprise!

To all the average Joes and Josephines who follow this blog: I am pleased to announce that my book, Exploring the Land of Ooo, is officially available for download!

Get a PDF copy FOR FREE through the University of Kansas’s ScholarWorks portal!!

If you were curious, here’s the cover:

And here’s what the blurb on the back reads:

Exploring the Land of Ooo is a detailed consideration of Adventure Time, the colorful and exuberant animated television series that initially aired from 2010–18 on Cartoon Network. Created by visionary artist Pendleton Ward, the series was groundbreaking and is credited by many with heralding in a new golden age of animation. In this manuscript, author Paul Thomas presents a thorough overview of the series, explicating the nuances of its characters, its production history, its storytelling methods, and its vibrant fandom. Based in part on interviews with dozens of the creative individuals who made the show possible, this book aims to ensure that, when it comes to Adventure Time, the fun truly will never end.

There are a ton of folks who deserve mad thanks, chief among them being the crew members whom I interviewed (see below), the many fans who chatted with me about their experiences with the fandom, my ol’ Land of Ooo forum mates (who gave me suggestions and inspired me to keep writing), @j4gm (who read over a previous draft and offered me his never-ending wisdom about the lore of Ooo), and everyone who follows this blog (y’all kept me motivated and made me want to produce something I’m proud of).

I hope that you all enjoy it!

And now for a number of questions/comments that I anticipate I will receive:

“Who all did you talk to?”

This is an exciting question, because the answer is quite long! Over the year and a half I wrote this book, I talked to (in alphabetical order): Sam Alden, Alex Campos, Casey James Basichis, Ako Castuera, Ashley Eriksson, Evil, Graham Falk, Ghostshrimp, Polly Guo, Tom Herpich, Derek Hunter, Ke Jiang, Tim Kiefer, Derek Kirk Kim, Laura Knetzger, Sandra Lee, Kirsten Lepore, Patrick McHale, Jesse Moynihan, Justin Moynihan, Kris Mukai, Hanna K. Nyström, Kent Osborne, Jack Pendarvis, Gary Portnoy, Andy Ristaino, Lindsay Small-Butera, Rebecca Sugar, Soichi Terada, Rich Vreeland, Thomas Wellmann, Steve Wolfhard, Michelle Xin, and Niki Yang. That’s a lot of people!

“Why did you release this for free?”

This is a long story. You see, I was initially planning to release this through McFarland and Co. (they’re an indie book publisher that I’ve worked with in the past), but then something happened...

Our story begins around the beginning of this year. Around this time, I got in contact with Rebecca Sugar and Adam Muto, both of whom were willing to chat with me about their experiences on the show. However, CN’s PR department got involved too, and, after initially working with me, they suddenly sent me what was effectively a “gentle cease-and-desist” letter. At first, I assumed it was because of copyright—and that’s how they were framing their objections—so I told the network that I’d release the work for free and eschew royalties. This, for whatever reason, did not sway their judgement. At this point, I was confused, since my work had effectively become something like an open-source dissertation or a free Wikipedia article.

Why did CN snub me? I’m not sure—and I have to emphasize that this next bit is just speculation—but I think it’s because I was asking questions about Bubbline. You see, it was only after I received answers from Rebecca (who specifically addressed the origin of Bubbline) that CN said I couldn’t use any of her or Adam’s quotes, as they were “unauthorized.” What exactly did Rebecca tell me that was explosive? tldr, Bubbline was her idea, she pitched it to Adam when they first started to work on WWM, Pen et al. were supportive of the idea, and while the crew succeeded in getting the relationship confirmed (eventually), the homophobic culture of society/Hollywood made the journey very difficult. Rebecca told me that she also saw Marceline and Bubblegum as queer characters, and wrote them that way pretty much from the get-go. Anyway, I don’t think CN wanted me to delve into this, since it doesn’t exactly paint the company in the best light.

It was then that Dean Kevin Smith of the University of Kansas Libraries stepped in and allowed me to publish the book through the library and upload a PDF to the library’s “ScholarWorks” portal. This means that anyone the world over can download the book for free! At the end of the day, I think it’ll reach more people this way!

“Can I get a physical copy of this book?”

Message me for details, yo!

“I FOUND A TYPO!”

Excellent! Please let me know. I still have access to the proofs and can upload a fresh copy of the manuscript to ScholarWorks when it is necessary. I’d love for you all to take a look and see if you can find any typos or wonky sentences. With that being said, I already know that I love to put prepositional phrases at the start of sentences; I also heavily use (and likely abuse) semicolons and parentheses. (See what I did there?) I hope you’ll forgive me.

“Will you be expanding the book once all the Distant Lands specials are out?”

Right now, this is my goal. I waited to publish this until after “BMO” was released, as I worried that the episode might contradict some of my more speculative sections, but I do no think this came to pass. As such, the version that you’re getting is only slightly tweaked. Once more and more production info comes out about the specials, however, I would love to go back and expand pertinent sections. Keep your eyes peeled for updates! (And if I do release a new edition, it will be free, too.)

“I have a suggestion...”

Let me hear it! I’d love to take your input and work it into the manuscript. Like I have said above, I plan to release an updated version if/when that becomes necessary, so I’m always going to keep my ears open to any critiques or suggestions that will improve the work!

Happy adventuring, y’all!

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nothingtoseeherejajaja · 3 years

Text

“Boy will be Boys”

TW: Mention of sexual, verbal and physical assault, rape, domestic abuse, child abuse, violence against women and children, femicide.

“If a boy is mean to you, it's because he likes you”. I think of this phrase every single time a man has sexually harassed or assaulted me, flabbergasted at the normalization of violence against women. I think of the white man three years ago who caressed my thigh on the bus ride home and told me he wanted to “rape me and show me the night of my life”. Did he like me? I think of the boyfriend I had who constantly belittled me, physically and verbally assaulted me and made me want to die. I think of all the countless stories women have told, and the ones never told because they never had the space or support to share. I think of the women and children sex trafficked everyday and the countless videos of non-consensual violent pornography displayed to the public, both crimes and profitable for those uploading it. I think about how one of those videos could have been me when I found out my childhood babysitter was a pedophile who abused me and other kids. Or when I found out one of my high school teachers was arrested for child pornography and making minors do sexual things for his pleasure. I think of the never- ending stories of violence our women endure, profitable within our society. Like the murder of Marisela Escobedo Ortiz and her daughter Rubi Marisol Fraire Escobedo. Her daughter was killed for wanting to leave her murderer, after finding out he wasn’t who she fell in love with. And just like her daughter, after protesting and raising awareness relentlessly of the murder and the Mexican government’s compliance in it, Marisela was silenced and killed.

Women are constantly having to fight for their right to live and be treated as equals. And when we do, we are either criticized, assaulted, raped, silenced or killed. It’s difficult to live within a world that thrives off of breaking you and normalizing your pain, Your oppression becomes part of their daily routine. There's a poet called Olivia Gatwood and her poem “If A Girl Screams In The Middle Of The Night'' (2019), describing the violent endings many women encounter. She begins her poem by stating in caps the truth that society will hide from many women in order to control and oppress them;

“IF A GIRL SCREAMS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

and no one is there to hear it

here’s what happens. i’ll tell you.” (Gatwood, 5, 2019)

Gatwood illustrates the violent murders of women and the suffering endured.

“if she is in the woods, it shoots

from the cannon of her throat

& smacks itself against a branch,

whips around it like a tetherball.” (Gatwood, 5, 2019)

The disappearance of women.

“if she is facedown in the moss,

it seeps into the forest floor’s pores,

& every time a hiker passes through,

the days beyond her unravel..” (Gatwood, 5, 2019)

Mistreatment of women experiencing trauma and violence.

“if the girl is in the city,

the scream get lodged

in the cubby of a neighbor’s ear

prevents him from sleeping at night

& so naturally, he sells it to a second hand store

he takes it to the buying counter

in a jewelry box & says,

i don't know who this belonged to

but i don't want it anymore.

& though the pierced & dyed employee

is reluctant to take it, she sees the purple

bags rotting figs under the neighbor’s eyes

so she offers store credit.” (Gatwood, 5, 2019)

Pleasure derived from perpetrating violence on women.

“& so not to startle customers,

a small label will be placed on the box

that says A SCREAM & each time a person cracks

it open the the girl’s rattling tongue will shake loose

into the store. this happens for months but no one

wants to buy it, to take care of it. everyone wants to hear it once to feel something & then go back

to their quiet homes, so the store throws it

in a dumpster out back, where the garbage

truck picks it up & smashes it beneath

its hydraulic fists. the scream will get buried

in a landfill somewhere in new jersey

& later the landfill will be coated in a grass,

where a wandering child will see a hill,

will throw her body against it

& shriek the whole way down” (Gatwood, 5-6, 2019)

Femicides occurring in Juárez Mexico are proof of institutionalized violence against women. Since the mid-1990s, “international media began to fixate on hundreds of gruesome killings of women: mostly young women of modest means. News stories reported on bodies found en masse in the Chihuahuan desert, at times describing evidence of trauma and torture in lurid and objectifying detail. No one knows exactly how many women have been killed or kidnapped in Juárez, but gender-based killings continue”. It wasn't until 2019 when the Mexican government “registered 1,006 victims of gender-based homicide across the country, with 31 of those in Chihuahua state, where Juárez is located”. According to Mexico's attorney general, that is a “137% increase over five years”, including only women who have been found”. Countless amounts of “crimes go undiscovered, unsolved and unpunished, enough that homicide on the basis of gender has generated its own official classification in Mexico and in much of Latin America: femicide”. Femicide encapsulates not only the “killing of victims who happen to be female” but also “the systematic violation of human rights. Whether through domestic violence or sexual assault, the victims of femicide are women who were killed because they are women” and it should be recognized as such (Chin & Schultz, 2020).

Women’s stories are constantly disposed of, silenced and erased from the world because it exposes the structural violence we experience and how embedded it is within our society. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, “1 in 5 women” are “victims of rape or attempted rape during their lifetime”,”1 in 5 women” have “experienced contact sexual violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime”, “19.1 million women” have been stalked, and “1 in 2 female murder victims” are “ killed by intimate partners” (NCADV, 2, 2020). The list goes on and on. And that again, only counts for REPORTED acts of violence. For an institutional and global issue, we must create an institutional and globally effective solution to end the normalization of gendered and sexual violence against women.

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence:

If you are in immediate danger, call 9-1-1.

For anonymous, confidential help, 24/7, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

National Child Abuse Coalition:

If you know someone who is in trouble or needs assistance, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-Child (1-800-422-4453).

Works Cited:

Chin, Corinne, and Erika Schultz. “Disappearing Daughters.” The Seattle Times, 8 March 2020, https://projects.seattletimes.com/2020/femicide-juarez-mexico-border/.

Gatwood, Olivia. “If You Hear A Girl Scream In the Woods.” The Life of the Party, 1 ed., Dial Press Trade, 2019, pp. 5-6.

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (2020). Domestic violence. Retrieved from https://assets.speakcdn.com/assets/2497/domestic_violence-2020080709350855.pdf?1596811079991

#endviolenceagainstwomen #protectourwomen #endrapeculture

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p-artsypants · 4 years

Text

Integrity (Part 4)

Ao3 | FF.net

As they claimed their seats, Adrien was aware of dirty looks being thrown in his direction.

Is this how Marinette felt when Lila lied about her?

Alya leaned forward in her seat. “Adrien, I’ll talk to some of the girls. I’ll get them to do that critical thinking thing you mentioned. And I’ll try to get Kim to apologize. What he said was just stupid.”

“Thanks Alya, I appreciate it.”

Miss Bustier entered the room. “Alright class, let’s get started.”

“Miss Bustier!” Rose called, putting her hand up. “I think it’s best if Adrien left. Lila shouldn’t have to be in the same room as her abuser!”

“Abuser? What’s going on?”

Adrien dropped his head into his hands, exasperated.

“Adrien touched Lila inappropriately, and when she told Gabriel about it, he fired her!”

Miss Bustier looked horrified. “Class! This sort of thing is really none of your business! If this did happen, Lila needs to come to talk to me about it in private. I would like to be accommodating, but I find it unfair to deny class to someone without due cause.”

“There is due cause!” Max yelled.

“I have heard nothing about this from Lila herself, or Mr. Damocles. Has a restraining order been filed? Has any sort of investigation been launched? I find it extremely hard to believe Adrien would do something like this.”

“That’s what Gabriel said!” Lila wailed. “He said Adrien was a perfect angel and he’d never do anything wrong! No one’s believed me yet! So why would Mr. Damocles?!”

There was a knock at the door.

Miss Bustier held up a finger, asking for a moment of silence, before she went to open it.

Gabriel Agreste, looking minutely more frazzled than usual, strolled into the room, in person.

Adrien swallowed and clenched his fists.

The room was silent and tense.

“Adrien, may I talk to you out in the hall, in private?”

Trembling, Adrien answered. “No. You read my note.”

“There’s nothing for you to be afraid of. Stop being so dramatic.”

“I think I have every right to be afraid of you.” He whispered, the damn of emotions he had held back all morning just threatening to burst.

Marinette got up from her seat, only to sit next to him, her arm around his shoulders.

The action didn’t go unnoticed by anyone.

Gabriel’s nostrils flared. “Did you tell her?”

“No.” Technically, not a lie. “I haven’t said anything to anyone. She just...saw I was upset.”

“About what?” Asked Kim. “That you lied about Lila?”

Gabriel’s steely gaze pierced Kim, forcing him to shut up. “This is none of your business, shut up.”

Kim swallowed and shrank into his seat.

“Now,” Gabriel continued, hedging his words. “I need to clear up some of what happened last night. It seems that you have assumed the worst. I don’t want to discuss it in front of your peers. Step into the hall with me.”

Marinette squeezed his shoulder.

“No. I don’t want to. I’m not comfortable with that.”

“I don’t care about comfort right now, Adrien. I care about—“ he bit his tongue, censoring himself. “I care about our family.”

“If you care about our family, then know I’m scared of you.”

Gabriel exhaled roughly. “You don’t need to be.”

“The evidence says otherwise.” Adrien spoke softly. “So either say what you need to say, or go. I’m not moving.”

Gabriel ran a hand through his hair, loosing some locks and becoming even more frazzled appearing. “Please?”

Adrien shook his head.

Gabriel rolled his eyes, and considered his words. “I told you I trust you. I’m...sorry, about what happened last night. It wasn’t fair, but I was...paranoid, and frantic. That caused my regrettable actions.”

“Did you ever find it?” Adrien asked.

“No. And I don’t think I will. I have reason to believe I’ve been betrayed. So it’s over.” He breathed a long sigh. “There’s no reason for you to stay away.”

“With all due respect, Father, I need some time to trust you again. And forcing me to come home won’t magically fix that.”

Gabriel was quiet for a moment, clenching and unclenching his fists. It looked like he wanted to yell, to fight, to grab Adrien by the wrist and drag him out.

But he did none of those things.

“You’re a good kid, Adrien. I surmise you’ll be a great man. A better man than I ever was. I’ll give you your space.” He placed Adrien’s phone on the desk. “Just, please text me every once in a while, just so I know you’re safe. Alright?”

Adrien took it. “I can do that.”

“I’m sorry it came to this.” It looked like he had more to say, but he hesitated with so many eyes on him. So he just didn’t say anything and headed for the door.

“Mr. Agreste?” Miss Bustier asked.

He stopped in the doorway.

“It seems like there’s a bit of...a catastrophe going on in my class at the moment. I was hoping you could shed some light on the situation?”

“This is none of your business, Madame. Adrien and I will clear it up.”

“With all due respect, sir. Lila has already gotten everyone involved. My students seem to want Adrien to leave the class.”

He turned and looked at her. “What? Whatever for? She’s got nothing to do with this.”

“Could you explain what Lila said to you yesterday?”

“Miss Rossi?” Gabriel looked back at her, eyebrows furrowed, and then at Adrien. “Oh. I had forgotten. I didn’t speak to Miss Rossi yesterday. Adrien and I had a long talk about trust. He confided that he wasn’t uncomfortable around her because she touched him in a way he didn’t like, and asked that he not model with her anymore. I made the decision to fire her. I served her severance papers, and one of my managers contacted her. I didn’t talk to her at all.”

“Mr. Agreste! How can you be so cruel to me?!” Lila shouted, real betrayal in her voice. “You said you trusted me! I could come to you about any problems I had! And I did! Your son molested me, and you fired me instead of believing me! And now you’re acting like it didn’t even happen!”

“Do you have your severance papers with you?” He asked.

Lila’s eyes widened. “No, they’re at home with my mother.”

“I have a copy on my phone. Along with all severance letters we serve, because they are fairly similar in terms and conditions.” He took it out, and pulled it up. “Here, Madame, if you wouldn’t mind reading this.” He handed the phone to Miss Bustier. “Since Miss Rossi wants an audience, I will give her one.”

Miss Bustier studied the screen for a moment. “This looks like a scanned pdf of a letter, signed by Mr. Agreste. It reads as follows:

“‘Mme. Lila Rossi,

“I regret to inform you that we have decided to terminate your contract with Gabriel as of today. This decision is based on several conditions, as witnessed and corroborated by several Gabriel employees. These conditions include unprofessional behavior on set, including excessive noise when asked to be quiet, not following instructions, and yelling at other staff; tardiness and unexplained absences, falsified resume, and sexual harassment of another Gabriel employee. As per the terms of your contract, you will receive the allotted amount of your last modeling session, as enclosed with this letter. Please be advised as you apply for further employment, putting Gabriel on the application as a reference will automatically forward this letter of termination to your next employer. If you would like to reapply at Gabriel, you may do so after a two year waiting period. A second termination will result in a complete ban from Gabriel, including all positions of employment and communications with employees. Depending on the severity of your terms of termination, Gabriel reserves the right to seek legal compensation.

“Signed, Gabriel Agreste.”

“Thank you,” Gabriel took his phone back. “In case you didn’t realize, I work with a lot of models. There are situations where changing happens in front of other people. We take sexual harassment very seriously. Adrien came to me first about this, and so I acted on it. If you want to counter sue and maintain that he’s at fault, feel free to do so. But, if it turns out you’re lying about this, and it goes to court, you’re looking at jail time.”

Lila swallowed. “I’m not lying. I never lie.”

“Like the time you lied to get into my house? Sure. I’ll see you in court then.”

“Wait...” Lila paled. “We don’t need to take this to court. Just bring me back on as a model, and I’ll drop the whole thing.”

“No.” Gabriel shrugged. “I don’t make any decisions without my lawyer present.” He turned towards the door. “One last thing,” he glanced over his shoulder at Marinette. “Take care of him, Miss Dupain-Cheng. He’s fragile.” And then he left.

Desperate to not lose this game, Lila started her crocodile tears. “No! It can’t be! I can’t afford a lawyer! There’s no way I’ll win this case! I’ll lose just like all the other girls!”

“Wait a second,” Mylene spoke up, hope in her voice. “You were just telling us last week that your uncle is one of the top attorneys in Florence! Surely he’ll help you!”

Oops.

“Oh...yes, I guess...I had forgotten about that.”

“I think you’re going to need a good lawyer if you’re going to continue to lie.” Spoke Chloe, standing up. “I’m sorry Miss Bustier, I think we need to clear this up before class even starts, don’t you think?”

Miss Bustier sighed. “I still maintain that we don’t need to be discussing this, but I know no one is going to be paying attention in class after all of that’s been said.” She walked around the front of her desk, leaning against it with her arms and legs crossed. “This is a very serious issue. This isn’t a courtroom, and I’m not making any judgement calls. If there truly is a problem here between Adrien and Lila, it will be solved in the courtroom.” She narrowed her eyes at her students. “But you all see and talk to each other every day. Rumors and one sided stories are going to spread either way. I’d rather have everyone have the same information and draw their own conclusions to maintain their own relationships. Nothing said here is to leave this classroom. So, let’s talk.”

Marinette had yet to move from Adrien’s side. And she hadn’t spoken since coming into the classroom.

Ever since Miracle Queen, Marinette had been disappointed in Chloe. There had seemed to be some hope for her, and yet Hawkmoth’s—or Gabriel’s rather—temptation to get the bee back had just been too strong.

How many second chances could a girl get? Of course she was going to stand up for Adrien. He was her oldest friend.

Marinette opted to watch patiently and see just where this went.

“Lila, we know what Mr. Agreste said and what his timeline was. What happened to you yesterday, if you would share?”

“I don’t know…it’s just so painful.” Lila wiped a tear away. “But, yesterday, after Marinette burned me with her coffee—“

“When did that happen?” Miss Bustier asked, patiently.

“Right after class. You had a meeting and we were all hanging out and talking. Everyone witnessed it.”

“The coffee was cold, and I tripped.” Marinette defended, exhausted over this plot point.

“Either way,” Lila continued. “I went to the bakery and told Marinette’s mother what she did. She called my mother and told her that I deserved what happened to me!”

Miss Bustier frowned. “Sabine said that?”

“That’s what I’m saying!” Nino scoffed.

“So then I went to Mr. Agreste.”

“Why?” Asked Alya. “What prompted that?”

“W-well at first, I wanted to let Gabriel know what kind of company his son was keeping, but then when I got there, everything spilled out! I confessed that Adrien molested me and he fired me!”

“So, when did you punch Adrien?” Asked Max.

“Afterwards! Adrien came home and he tried to grab me and threaten me! I punched him!”

“What time did that happen?”

“Right after school.”

“I was with Marinette until 8 yesterday. You can ask my bodyguard, and her parents.”

“And I have the text you sent me at 6.” Nino held up his phone. “You were still with her then.”

“Th-then it was after 8!” Lila clarified. “I wasn’t paying attention to time!”

“Okay.” Miss Bustier spoke calmly. “Now, Adrien. What about you?”

His eyes slid over to Marinette’s for reassurance.

She squeezed his hand.

“After the coffee incident, I ran to the locker room to catch up with Marinette. She wasn’t doing well, and I offered to walk her home. Then we noticed an akuma coming after her, so we tried to run. She almost got akumatized, but she fought it off. Then she cried for a while. I stayed and watched out for another akuma. Then, we went to her house just as Lila was leaving. As she passed, she said ‘I’m going to your father next’ while smiling.”

“That’s not true!” Lila shouted.

“Lila, Adrien was quiet and patient through your account. You need to let him speak.”

She huffed and fell into her seat.

“I stayed at her house for a while until my father called, telling me to come home. He said that he ‘knew’ Marinette was violent. I knew that he thought that because of Lila. So I confessed that I didn’t feel safe around her, and that he shouldn’t trust her. He allowed me to stay with Marinette for dinner, and then when I came home, we talked more in length about how I felt. Then…things happened…and well. I don’t want to talk about it. But Lila wasn’t at my house when I came home. Last time I saw her was when she was leaving the bakery.”

“Okay,” nodded Miss Bustier. “You’ve both given your side of the story. You’re both accusing the other of inappropriate behavior. One of you is lying. But until you admit it, we’ll never know. But, this moment will shape the perceptions of your classmate’s opinions. I hope everyone sees how dangerous lying and manipulating is. Does anyone have anything they want to say as character testimony?”

Chloe raised her hand. “Adrikins, I’m going to put you on blast.” She grinned wickedly at him.

He shrugged, helpless.

“Adrien Agreste, male model, top student, all around great guy, is desperately, hopelessly, and pathetically in love with one Ladybug.”

Nino snickered from Adrien’s side. “Oh, we been knew.”

“Every time Adrien and I talked, he would dissolve into talking about one of three women. A. His mother, of whom he missed dearly and was a saint of a woman. 2. Marinette Dupain-Cheng, of whom he respects and admires. And lastly, and most importantly, Ladybug. He talks about her the most. Ladybug this, Ladybug that. I love—loved Ladybug as much as the next girl but honestly, it was a little annoying. ‘I wonder how soft her hair is. Are her eyes the same bluebell blue without the mask? I wonder how far she could throw me? Do you think we could make it work if we dated?’” She mocked a gagging sound. “Never once did say anything sexual about her. Never did he ever mention Lila. And never has he had any sort of romantic relationship with anyone.”

There were nods around the classroom, as students agreed with this logic.

“However. Lila has lied to me, personally. She told me she had a secret code that got Ladybug to come to her when she needed help. It didn’t work, and I almost got akumatized over it. Furthermore, as we have already discussed, it was Lila’s evidence that got Marinette expelled, and Lila’s admission to having some stupid disease that reversed the punishment. Are all of you numb nuts starting to see the pattern here?”

Nino stood, ready to present his own opinions. “Lila has promised us connections. She’s boasted about people she knows to get us parties, favors, and whatever else we need. But not once has she followed through. And not to mention all the ailments she’s claimed to have.”

“It’s not fair to pick on someone for being disabled, Nino.” Kim argued back.

“I’m not. Because she’s not disabled.” He pulled up his tablet. “I started keeping a list of her ailments, so Alya and I could make sure everything we did as a class was inclusive to her.” He raised a brow. “I don’t think Lila keeps track of her own illnesses.” He cleared his throat. “Ahem. Tinnitus in the left ear. Tinnitus in the right ear. Arthritis in the left wrist, arthritis in the right wrist. Ulnar necrosis in the left wrist. Fibromyalgia. Multiple Sclerosis. Cystic fibrosis. Asthma. Glaucoma. Seizures. Vertigo. OCD. ADHD. High blood pressure. Low blood pressure. Heart murmur. Anemia. Allergic to wheat, dairy, gluten, chocolate, soy, nuts, mold, shellfish, corn, cats, dogs, feathers, wool, polyester, and hot peppers.”

“That’s all correct.” Lila stated cooly.

“Except you eat pasta for every meal, and you only mention your allergies when someone brings in food, making yourself the center of attention. And you never seem like you’re in any pain unless it’s convenient to get out of an activity. My grandma has MS, and it’s no joke. Also, I double checked with the nurse this morning to make sure I didn’t miss anything. I shared my list with her, and she was really concerned because she didn’t have any of that on your file. She only had one thing written down. Do you know what it was?”

Lila just stared at him, daring him.

“Mythomania. Pathological lying. So your lying disease was the only truth you told. I deduce this was put on your file after you told Mr. Damocles.”

Lila frowned at him. “Nino! I thought we were friends! How could you turn on me and lie like this? I know you and Adrien are friends but—“

“But nothing! Lila, you’re not my friend! You don’t listen to me, you don’t remember things I tell you, unless you can twist them to your favor! I mention an artist I like? You suddenly know them. You inspired them. But they’re shy and don’t meet with fans. I mention a movie I like? You were there during production. You know the director. But he’s out of the country on holiday. It’s the same story over and over. What’s my brother’s name?”

Lila stammered. “It’s...it’s Mark!”

“It’s Chris, and you’ve babysat him before!”

“I have short term memory loss!”

Marinette snapped her fingers. “Nino, make sure to add that to her list of illnesses.”

“Oh my god.” Alya breathed.

“What?”

“That right there. I saw it. Her lying in real time. She didn’t even hesitate, just lied to cover her tracks. She’s been doing that the whole time!”

“That’s what I’ve been saying.” Marinette stated, calmly.

“I noticed this not too long ago,” continued Nino. “I assumed she was just exaggerating for attention. A storyteller. It was harmless. But yesterday, when she outed Marinette’s crush, lied about the coffee, and then went to tattle at the bakery? That was too much. I realized her lying wasn’t just telling stories. She was really dangerous. Especially in a time with Akumas.”

Marinette and Adrien both tried not to smile, hiding the joy that that wasn’t a problem anymore.

“So what’s it going to be, Lila?” Chloe asked, arms crossed. “Are you going to fess up now? Or are you going to go to court with Mr. Agreste and face jail time?”

Lila’s jaw shifted as she gnawed on her tongue. “Can I speak without being interrupted?”

Chloe scoffed. “Only if you aren’t going to lie your way out of this.”

Lila narrowed her eyes at her, but didn’t reply. Instead, she explained, “some of my stories are exaggerated.”

Someone snorted.

“I wanted to be the interesting new girl. I didn’t mean any harm in it. I was just telling you all what you wanted to hear. But apparently this was horrible according to Marinette. She threatened me in the bathroom, and said that she was going to expose me as a liar. I told her that that wasn’t going to happen. But she insisted that the truth was more important to her than friendship. I think it was jealousy. Adrien was being friendly, and Alya interviewed me. Suddenly, all her hard work and generosity didn’t matter, because I was more interesting. She kept up warning me, reprimanding me like I was a child, and trying to humiliate me in front of everyone. I knew the only peace I was going to get would be to get her to leave.”

Alya folded her arms. “So you…fabricated evidence to get her expelled?”

“To be honest, I just wanted to shake her up, get her to realize what she was messing with was dangerous and unfair. I didn’t know Mr. Damocles was going to expel her.”

“Shake me up? Is that what you were trying to do when you laid on the floor at the bottom of the stairs and pretended I pushed you down?”

“You wouldn’t back off!”

“I just wanted you to be honest with people! Lying like you were was going to lead to disappointment! I didn’t want you hurting my friends!”

“That’s a fine excuse. But are you sure you weren’t a little bit jealous?”

Marinette groaned. “Jealous? No. Worried? Yes. I didn’t like the way you were hanging off of Adrien—”

“Oh, like the way you’re hanging off him now?”

Marinette prepared to retort, before Adrien wrapped his arms around her, and hugged her tightly.

“She’s not hanging off of me,” Adrien explained. “She’s the only thing keeping me steady right now.”

Nino was quick to squeeze his shoulder in reassurance.

Marinette hugged Adrien tight, and then continued. “I was worried about the way you were hanging around with Adrien. Like I said, the lies you were telling could only lead to disappointment, like it has with Nino. You might think they’re harmless, but when you constantly let someone down, you do a lot of damage.”

Something about that sentence got Adrien right in the gut. It was just like his father. He was trying hard to save his mother, and thought disappointing Adrien wasn’t a big deal in the long run. But instead, he left lasting damage. Self doubt, trust issues, and hopelessness. Marinette was right.

“Oh, like you don’t lie and bail on everyone all the time anyways? Do you know how many times I had to pick up babysitting for Alya and Nino because you suddenly ‘forgot’ about some other obligation? Or all the times you gave a flimsy excuse to leave a hang out? Alya told me all about it. You’re hiding something big.”

Miss Bustier spoke up. “This conversation is supposed to be solving what happened between Lila and Adrien, whatever Marinette has to do in her free time has nothing to do with it.”

“I think it does!” Lila argued. “It’s very hypocritical for Marinette to point her finger at me and call me a liar, when she’s doing the same thing!”

Miss Bustier frowned. “She has been slacking in her representative duties…”

Marinette gaped at her. “I thought you were on my side!”

“I’m staying neutral.” Miss Bustier said firmly. “I think it’s important we get our grievances out so we can have a more wholesome learning environment. It’s up to you to answer. You’re not under oath.”

Marinette frowned. True, she could lie. Though it would be a really sucky time to do so. Furthermore, Hawkmoth was gone, so her identity wasn't as crucial to hide. But she really didn’t want Lila to know, especially after that stunt she pulled with Oni-chan.

“Whatcha thinking about, Marinette?” Asked Lila, “trying to come up with a convincing lie?”

“I’m trying to weigh the consequences of telling this truth. Because it’s not just my secret. So therefore, it’s not right to share it. I haven’t done anything wrong, so I don’t think I’ll explain myself.” She shrugged.

“Petty.” Lila bit.

“I think it’s fair.” Alya disagreed. “If it’s something that affects others, she shouldn’t have to share.”

It affected everyone in Paris actually, not just her and Chat Noir. And so Marinette let out a breath of relief.

“Okay,” stated Alix, trying to clarify what had happened. “So, Marinette knew you were lying, so you ‘accidentally’ got her expelled to get her to leave you alone. But what I don’t understand is why you’re bringing up beef with Adrien all of a sudden. We thought you guys were together, and you modeled together…and then he started dating Kagami. What’s the story there?”

“I’m not dating Kagami.” Adrien clarified. “I considered it, but…I don’t actually have any feelings for her. I just didn’t know how to say no. But as I said, I told my father I didn’t like the way she was touching me. This had been going on for a while…”

“What prompted you to tell your dad?” Alya asked.

“Well, after what happened yesterday after class, I walked Marinette home. She had almost gotten akumatized, and I wanted to watch over her. Lila had gone to the bakery and told Sabine her side of the story. She was about to bring down the hammer, but I asked her if she trusted Marinette. That…that made me wonder if my father trusted me. If I could go to him with my problems and he would understand. Lila went to him and told him her side of the story as well, and he called me home. But I asked if he trusted me, and then told him I didn’t like Lila and…well, everything else. We continued the conversation when I got home. I’m assuming that since I actually made a stand, he took it seriously.”

“Wait wait,” Alya spoke. “Lila, you went to tattle at the bakery, and to Gabriel?”

”I thought Gabriel should know about the kind of friends he’s keeping.”

Adrien laughed. It wasn’t a funny laugh, it was actually very painful, as he remembered a cutting blow from last night. “Lila spied on me for my father. He used her to find out what was going on in class.”

“Ew.” Nino stated. “That’s super skeevy.”

“Um, I’m a spy? Why don’t you talk to little miss ‘I followed Adrien and Lila and fished a book out of the trash’?”

Heads swiveled back to Marinette.

“You should be glad I followed you! Adrien got taken out of school for losing that book! He’d be gone for good if I hadn’t rescued it from the trash! You stole it from him and threw it away!”

The heads swiveled back to Lila.

“How was I supposed to know it was important?”

Marinette threw her hands up in the air. “It doesn’t matter! It didn’t belong to you! So don’t throw it away!”

“You know, I’m glad you brought that day up, Lila. Because that was when I knew you had a lying problem.”

“You knew she was a liar a long time ago?” Asked Nino.

“Of course. But I didn’t know she was being malicious. Like you, I thought she might just be lying to get attention. In fact, it worked for a little bit. I thought she really was friends with Ladybug. But then Ladybug herself came up to us and blew that lie out of the water.”

Lila jutted out her jaw, trembling with anger.

“Ladybug called her out too?” Asked Alya.

“It makes sense,” Adrien continued. “Why would Ladybug be happy about anyone claiming to be a weakness to her? Alya, you were already targeted a lot just as the leader of the Ladyblog. Of course she’d be pissed about a civilian painting a giant target on their back.”

Alya gasped, “oh my god! I didn’t even think about that when I posted that interview! Lila, you could have been targeted and hurt! Not just by Akuma, but anyone else who wanted to know Ladybug’s identity!”

“Well, nothing happened.” Lila shrugged. “Ladybug and Chat Noir would protect me no matter what, anyways!”

“Yes, like how Chat Noir saved you from Kagami when you ‘twisted your ankle’?” He put in quotes.

Lila gaped. “How did you know about that?”

Marinette was wondering the same thing.

“Chat Noir helped me sneak a bag out of my room last night. Then we talked.”

“Oh, so now you’re friends with Chat Noir?” Kim scoffed.

“Not particularly. He helped me out a whole lot last night, but I haven’t spoken to him much before that.”

“Ugh, you keep mentioning last night like it was the biggest thing that’s ever happened, and yet you refuse to talk about it! Now Chat Noir was there? What else?”

“Adrien has already stated that whatever happened between him and his father is private and that they don’t want to talk about it.” Miss Bustier reminded, patiently. “If it has nothing to do with Lila, then I don’t think he needs to bring it up.”

“But isn’t omitting the truth still lying?” Asked Lila. “Both Marinette and Adrien are being dishonest and hiding things, and I find it extremely unfair to be accused of lying if they aren’t telling the truth!”

“And I think if whatever they’re hiding has nothing to do with you, Lila, it doesn’t need to be brought up.” Said Alya, crossing her arms.

“Alya! You don’t believe me? What about standing with your fellow woman?”

Alya frowned. “Okay, Adrien’s been my friend longer than you, and I find it hard to believe he’d do anything wrong. And second, I’m supposed to believe you because we’re both girls?”

Kim shot to his feet, “As I said previously, men can’t be molested! Especially models! I think you’re just being a coward, Agreste!”

Adrien hunched his shoulders.

Seeing the opportunity for a teaching moment, Alix reached over and grabbed Kim’s butt, making him yelp and shuffle away.

“What the hell was that?!”

“What? Didn’t like it?” Alix asked with a coy smile.

“Uh, no? Not from you.”

“Because you aren’t attracted to me?”

“I mean, yeah?”

“Now imagine if I was Lila and you’re Adrien.”

It was like a lightbulb went off above Kim’s head. “Oh.” He turned to look at Adrien. “I get it. I’m so sorry.”

“While I don’t agree with the method,” Miss Bustier explained, “I’m glad you see what the problem is, Kim. No one should be touched without their permission, no matter how ‘attractive’ the perpetrator is.”

“Attractiveness is a sliding scale anyways.” Added Alya, “just because some people find Lila and Adrien attractive, doesn’t mean everyone does. And Adrien already mentioned he’s not attracted to Lila.”

“Yeah, I guess…I just don’t see it. Lila is really pretty!”

Adrien just shrugged. “She’s just not my type.” He looked to the teacher. “Miss Bustier, I think we’re kind of going around in circles at this point. Can we wrap this up?”

“Sure. Does anyone have anything else they want to add or need clarification on?”

Everyone shook their heads.

“Good. I’m sorry to air out dirty laundry, but I really wanted to avoid gossip. Right now, this classroom is your world. When you grow up, scandals and mistakes will be made by all sorts of people. I want to teach you now to do your research and not just blindly follow whatever source you find first. Alright?”

“But we didn’t solve anything.” Rose lamented.

“Our goal was not to find out who did what to who. It was to bring both sides of the story forward, and allow everyone to consider who they are going to believe versus who they won’t. It’s up to you to decide if you are loyal even when faced with deception. And if you can be open-minded enough to listen to others.”

The room was silent as she let them all milk over that thought.

“Then let’s get into today’s social studies lesson. I think there’s some practical crossovers between what just happened.”

#miraculous ladybug #ml #fanfiction #integrity #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #adrienette #lila rossi is exposed

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