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alexplayssimsnstuff · 4 years

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Bella Goth Disappearance FINALLY Solved!

Back in the day, I had originally subscribed to the theory that Bella was abducted by aliens that were set on her by the Caliente’s who then murdered her when she returned, and so I went in the game to do a walkthrough as to how I came to that theory. That’s when I found that I WAS WAYYYY OFF, there is a whole ass rabbit-hole here, and like a total Alice, I fell in it.

And, after 16 years of wondering and imagining different scenarios, I finally found out the truth. Turns out, we were ALL wrong, and the truth has been staring at us in the face the whole time.

Just as a warning, this is VERY dark and bleak and depressing. Bella wasn’t dealt a good hand, guys. What happened to her was all sorts of MESSED up.

Just for clarity, I do base this off of events that happen in the official sims storyline, because while the game is ultimately up to us to live life as we like, go ahead and do whatever with your game, there IS a story being told here, but in a way that doesn’t conflict with our own free will. It’s ingenious, really. This goes with the main Sims games released for PC and Mac. However, the console versions do provide a lot of insight to further details and situations. Specifically the Sims 2 for PSP, and the Sims 3 for the Nintendo DS.

So, first off, it has been verified what happened to her: In 2014, Twitter held an AMA for the SimGurus just before the release of the Sims 4. Someone asked the following question, and SimGuru Sarah responded.

It was later confirmed that Bella Goth of Lunar Lakes IS the Bella Goth of Pleasantview. She does look like the rest of the ghosts there with pale skin and yellow hair and eyes, and with that in mind, you can see for yourself…

That’s her, alright.

Okay, if she died on Lunar Lakes, there are still questions that need answers:

1. Did she ever go home?

2. Does her family know what happened to her?

3. How did she die on Lunar Lakes?

Well, she died of old age, that can be found out easily enough, but I found the answers to the other two: Kinda and no.

So, just to recap, I’m gonna review Bella’s life as we know it canonically.

Bella was born to Simis and Jocasta Bachelor of Sunset Valley. She grew up the road from her childhood best friend, and later, husband, Mortimer Goth, with her older brother Michael. She always had a sense of the macabre and dark and was known as “the best dressed girl in town.” Even then she wore a red dress. A more child appropriate red dress, but a red dress. She just came from an average suburban family who had a fascination for the not average. She’s still a child, and not a Goth yet. She still goes by the surname Bachelor.

Twenty-five years later, she shows up in the Sims 1 with her childhood best friend and now husband, Mortimer Goth, and they have moved into their own home, and have a daughter, Cassandra. Her in-laws moved out of their home in Sunset Valley and moved into what would later become the Goth House of the Sims 2 in the beginnings of what would be known as Pleasantview. Unless you got her a job, she was a housewife, and she was known to be athletic, elegant, and friendly towards her neighbors. I remember her often being the first to come and say hello to any new Sims I’d move into the neighborhood. Her brother, Michael, is also in town, however, there is no acknowledgement of them being siblings. A family tree system didn’t really exist in the Sims 1, and I’m sure they didn’t even think to make them siblings back then, but the fact remains that they have no relationship at this point in time. The only reason why it’s known that Cornelia and Gunther Goth are Mortimer’s parents is because it straight up says so in the bio. That and their names are the same, but anyway.

So far, things are simple.

That’s because in the 25 years between the Sims 1 and 2, a series of events occurs that really makes things interesting.

Michael joins the science career track. One can assume the reason why he settled into domestic living years after Bella had done so was because he was at grad school. Because he was graduated from grad school, he gets a jumpstart in the career and climbs the latter a lot faster than Mortimer does.

1. Scientist Sims contribute an invention into the Sims world. Michael’s invention was cloning technology. He cloned himself, and a test subject: Skip Broke.

a. Even though he died before it happened, arrangements were made so Brandi could be the next test subject and the first female subject, and when you start Pleasantview for the first time, she is pregnant with her own clone. The baby is always born a boy.

b. Michael’s clones have a 100% rate of being male, genetic identicals to those they were cloned from (Brandi’s just being a boy rather than a girl) and so far, a 100% rate of dying at the same time as the original. They are genetically identical, but wear different clothes.

2. Michael and Bella don’t really have a relationship in their adult lives because Michael leaves Pleasantview early on while Cassandra is still a child and moves to the city.

3. Mortimer follows after Michael, and invents the age reversal serum. Bella is the first test subject, and, the day of her abduction, she takes the serum until she reverts back to being a brand-new adult. Probably to allow herself to fit in her red dress as strikingly as she does, I don’t think an elderly woman could pull that off.

4. Cassandra enters private school.

5. Around this time, Gunther Goth dies. Bella, Mortimer, and Cassandra move out of their home and in with Cornelia to be with her in her last stages of life.

6. Michael marries Dina Caliente. It is speculated that, because of the age gap, they only marry for Michael’s money. But it is worth noting that Michael was Dina’s first serious relationship and she didn’t begin to cheat on Michael with Don until years later just before Michael died.

7. Alexander is born.

8. Shortly after Alexander’s birth, Cornelia dies at the same time Michael does.

9. Dina inherits Michael’s estate and moves in with Nina. They then move to Pleasantview.

10. Don follows them and moves the next day.

11. Bella goes to introduce herself to her new neighbor, Don. They get along, and Don gets the wrong idea and puts the move on Bella. Bella rejects him. He then runs off to go be with Kaylynn and is not there when Bella is abducted by aliens.

12. Bella is never seen again, but shortly after her abduction, a UFO crashlands in Strangetown, and reports that Bella is in Strangetown start rolling in. But, spoiler alert, that’s not the real Bella.

Then, after Bella’s abduction and before you start Pleasantview for the first time, the following happens:

1. Mortimer and Dina hit it off rather fast, and marriage is definitely in the picture when the game first starts.

2. Cassandra, Mortimer, and Alexander all age up on the same day 2 days after Bella disappears.

3. Cassandra goes to Don’s house to find out what he knows about what happened to Bella (jack squat since he wasn’t there) and that’s where they meet for the first time. Don tries to seduce her, probably not knowing who she is, and Cassandra, as much as you gotta love the girl, is naïve as all hell and thinks she won the jackpot and falls for Don quickly.

4. Alexander goes to private school

5. Mortimer retires

6. Cassandra gets engaged the VERY day the game starts.

That is an important thing to note because people like to speculate that Don had something to do with Bella’s disappearance because he made the moves on her mother and they were engaged and he didn’t want to jeopardize that by Bella opening her yap. This is NOT the case because Cassandra was still a teenager when Bella vanished. Don may be a hoe, but he isn’t a pedo. Chris Hansen doesn’t need to be called for this one.

Another important thing to point out is that it’s not known if Dina and Nina knew Bella. At least, not well, since it can’t be established if Michael and Bella had a relationship at all. Despite the fact that they were friends when they were younger, Mortimer has no memories of Michael, and neither do Cassandra or Alexander. They never met their uncle.

ALSO, yes Dina and Nina do have alien ancestry. Their father was a result of an alien abduction pregnancy. But he was born human, so they’re not part alien. Which means they didn’t order ANY aliens to go and kidnap anybody. Why would they? They don’t know her. Not even normal alien sims do that, y’all are just racist.

It’s also worth noting that Mortimer is COMPLETELY fine with Bella being gone. He’s not heartbroken and he isn’t desperately trying to find her like the game tries to suggest. He’s strangely cool about it.

Why is Mortimer fine with Bella being gone?

Because they are no longer married and haven’t been since around the time Alexander was born.

And THAT, guys, gals, and nonbinary pals, is the BIGGEST part that y’all need to just remember. If you can only take one thing away from this part, take away the fact that they’re divorced. It’s S U P E R important.

Now, it is possible to bring Bella back with the Tombstone of Life and Death. She’ll only stick around for a short while because she has a death token that activates when you save the lot, go into Pleasantview, and reload the Goth House. She’ll disappear. Interesting to note that if she’s in the middle of doing something, like talking with a sim or cooking food, she doesn’t disappear completely until she’s done. She does turn see-through and it kinda glitches out…it’s really creepy. Give it a try, you’ll see what I mean. But when she’s done, she’ll disappear, and you’ll get a notification saying she died somewhere else and her spirit has returned to where she was buried.

However, if she dies this way, you cannot resurrect her with the resurrect-o-nomitron. It doesn’t matter who tries it, where they are, or anything. Grim acts like he doesn’t know anything about Bella being dead and even if the Sim COULD resurrect a sim, Bella is not listed.

Since we know Bella is buried in Lunar Lakes, this means she died sometime between the week of her abduction and Cassandra’s wedding where the game starts.

However, while you have Bella in your household, you’ll find she’s brought back with no personality points. She has no memories besides what happened to her children after the first load of Pleasantview. So let’s say that between loading the game and bringing back Bella with the Tombstone, Cassandra gives birth to twin boys. Bella will come back with memories that Cassandra had twins, and she will even know who her grandchildren are. (I use this example because in my most recent Pleasantview playthrough, Cassandra had twin boys named Hendrick and Caspian with Don Lothario.)

Bella will have NO relationship at all whatsoever with Mortimer. You can see before you bring her back on the Goth family tree that they are not married at that point, and Mortimer and Bella start their relationship over as acquaintances. If you let them progress their relationship naturally with no cheats, they actually fight a lot and do not get along at all.

Now, any townie and NPC created before Nightlife will have their turn-on and turn-offs randomized. But it seems to constantly make it so that Bella is never attracted to Mortimer and Mortimer is RARELY attracted to Bella. This is a consistent thing. Interesting to take into consideration.

It’s clear to me, at least, that there were some problems boiling up for some time before Bella vanished.

--they get divorced at around the same time Alexander is born

--they do not get along at all

--Mortimer is completely fine after Bella’s disappearance and isn’t the frantic husband he’s marketed to be at this point in time.

--Mortimer gets into a relationship with Dina Caliente extremely soon after Bella vanishes.

--If Bella does come back and Mortimer is still alive, they naturally do not get along at all.

Which is weird, right? They were always shown to be this desperately in love couple who couldn’t live without eachother. I remember them having a good relationship in the Sims 1.

Also worth noting, Bella is a romance aspiration sim. In the Sims 2, they tend to hoe around a lot. There are a few other adult sims in Pleasantview who are also romance aspiration sims.

1. Don Lothario (the epitome of the romance aspiration)

2. Nina Caliente

3. Daniel Pleasant

4. Skip Broke was also a romance aspiration sim when he was alive.

What is interesting is that while for the most part, romance aspiration sims like to hoe around, there is one exception to this rule so far: Nina Caliente. Nina Caliente’s only romantically involved with Don Lothario. Unless you have another sim start putting the moves on her, then it’s a whole other story. If it were a thing back then, Nina would have been a soulmate romance aspiration while the others would have been serial romantic aspirations.

Bella COULD have been the same way, but that wouldn’t make any sense with the myriad of problems with her relationship with Mortimer.

So, in conclusion, Bella had an affair. Mortimer found out about it, which caused them to, at the least, separate for a while. Then, Bella became pregnant with Alexander, which would have brought up an important question—who is Alexander’s father? Once Alexander was born, and as he got a little older, it becomes clear that he resembles Cornelia, therefore verifying that Mortimer is indeed his father. This would have caused them to try their relationship again, and Bella would have turned down Don in good faith to Mortimer.

Who did Bella have an affair with?

Don wasn’t in town yet, and they hadn’t met. Neither did she meet the Caliente’s yet. Which leaves two possible contenders for Bella’s secret lover: Daniel Pleasant and Skip Broke.

On one hand, Daniel was Bella’s neighbor. She knew the Pleasants, and was friends with Mary-Sue. Daniel had an affair with Kaylynn going on, so he definitely could have some action on the side with Bella, too. My only reservation on that would be that I couldn’t imagine her doing that to her best friend. But then again, she did have an affair on her husband, so who’s to say what her morals are.

Then, there’s Skip Broke. This one makes the most sense to me, personally. While she wasn’t close with Michael, that doesn’t mean she completely avoided him altogether. She would have heard about Michael’s cloning experiments and could have met Skip that way, or she came to say hello and that was how they met. There is a theory going around that Brandi found out Skip was cheating on her, and that’s why she killed him and took his insurance money.

Maybe I’ll do another thing on that because the Skip Broke incident happens to be another rabbit hole altogether.

So, we know that Bella had an affair with Mortimer and things weren’t going so well between them at the time of her disappearance. We know that the Calientes and Don are completely innocent, at least as far as her disappearance goes. (And Nina is innocent altogether, she just loves Don and is completely oblivious to the fact that he’s doing her sister and two other women. She is ALSO a victim here, you guys. Give some love to Nina Caliente, she needs it.)

She dies sometime in the week between her abduction and the first time the Goth household is booted up from old age on Lunar Lakes despite the fact that she was a brand new adult again thanks to Mortimer’s reverse age serum.

Then a UFO crashlands in Strangetown and shortly thereafter reports of Bella Goth being in Strangetown start swarming around.

And yes, this Bella is a clone—there are subtle facial similarities, she is not in the family tree at all for the Goth house, but other than that, she’s structured exactly like the Real Bella goes as far as her outfit, her personality, and her aspiration.

(The Wiki says it’s her despite the fact that it’s been verified she’s not, and it also has MANY discrepencies, saying she’s related to the Curious Family and they appear on her family tree, which is incorrect because Strangetown Bella’s family tree is COMPLETELY EMPTY.)

So, clearly, when Bella was abducted, something went wrong. But what?

Well, why would the aliens even abduct her in the first place?

They tend to go after sims who are wealthy, high-skilled, good-looking, popular, anything like that. Bella was ALL of those things. She was the epitome of the perfect sim to the aliens. They practically worshipped her and their queen took her name and appearance. (This is referenced several times, specifically in the Sims 3.)

So, if something were to go wrong, why would the aliens worship her unless she had been being watched for some time before her abduction?

And what went wrong that caused her to lose her memories, her skills, her personality, her youth, everything?

Aliens also do not abduct children, the elderly, and pregnant sims because their experimentation could go drastically wrong.

She wasn’t a child, and reversed her age so she wouldn’t be an elder for quite some time—

So the only thing that’s left is that she was pregnant when she was abducted and that was why things went wrong.

She wouldn’t have known this, and neither would the aliens—it’s possible that the baby was conceived that day, which helped Bella in the case where Don was hitting on her—she wouldn’t go cheating on Mortimer if she were trying to rekindle their relationship and they had made it to woo-hoo that day.

Also worth noting is that there IS another Goth on Lunar Lakes who happens to look exactly like Bella.

Anyone recognize her?

This is Mathilde Goth.

She is the long-lost third child of Mortimer and Bella Goth.

No, they don’t appear on eachother’s family tree, but they wouldn’t if Bella died shortly after giving birth to her and Mathilde was put in the orphanage.

Mathilde looks almost identical to Bella with the exception of her blue eyes. She also has a preference for blue where Bella preferred red.

Mathilde has no idea where her mother came from and the fact that she has a family on Earth who is just as oblivious to her existence as she is to theirs.

What happens to Cassandra and Alexander after they find out about Bella’s death?

Remember how I said scientist sims end up inventing something?

Cassandra’s invention is time travel. She makes a time machine and the first use is to send Don to the future after her, Dina, Nina, and Kaylynn find out that he was playing all of them. She then goes on to live her life. We don’t know how that looks yet, but she never finds out what happened to her mother and that she has a younger sister.

Alexander is greatly affected by his mother’s death. He has no memories of her being abducted by aliens. Normally toddlers remember things like that so it’s odd that he doesn’t when the rest of his family does. What he does remember is her disappearing, Mortimer being okay with it and getting together with Dina really fast after she vanished, and then finding out that his mother was dead.

Alexander is a child prodigee. He’s a smart kid. So, he would go with any other conclusion someone would go with that limited information: he believed Mortimer killed her.

Well, Cassandra still has her time machine after she uses it to get rid of Don. And as we all know, Alexander’s name shows up in the Sims 3 a few times despite the fact that he doesn’t exist yet. And, according to the Goth family tree, it’s not a family name of an ancestor of his, he is the only Alexander Goth.

Once again, we’re going to reference a console game. This time is the Sims 3 for the Nintendo DS. Alexander actually makes an appearance, and this time, he’s not alone: he’s married to a woman named Cecelia. The family bio says that their gloominess is BECAUSE of Mortimer. Alexander dyed his hair orange. Probably he was trying to bleach it and didn’t know what toner was. He doesn’t have that great of a relationship with Cecelia, as a matter of fact, she has a better relationship with Don Alto than she does her own husband.

Back in the realm of the PC games, Alexander wrote two books when he went back in time to the continuity of the Sims 3:

Baron Graff Van Gold, which comes with Supernatural,

And then there’s the one that appears in the base game.

Murder in Pleasantview.

To string it altogether, Alexander remembers her being gone, then learning she died. He suspects Mortimer was the one to do it but he never actually talks to his father about it. He doesn’t know anything about the abduction, if anything thinking it a ridiculous rumor. He grows up, gets married, and decides at some point in time to go back in time to try and prevent his mother’s death. So he and his wife go into the time machine and try to go back to when it happened, but instead get sent back wayyyy too far to when his parents are still children. What happens to the time machine? It breaks. He’s stuck in a period of time where Time travel wasn’t a thing and no one really knows how to help him and he sure as hell doesn’t know himself. Effectively, he’s stuck there.

So, he writes A Murder in Pleasantview to tell the story of what he thinks happens to his mother. He doesn’t know it’s really all for nothing, but at the same time, it is because of what ends up happening as a result. A result he probably didn’t even know would happen.

See, A Murder in Pleasantview is a best-seller. It blows up the world of 50 years before his time. Every bookshelf has a copy of this book, standard-load. Sims would have read this, and would be influenced accordingly. They would have made better decisions, not wanting this tragic thing to happen to them.

And yes, it does literally take the world by storm. Better decisions in the past truly make for a better future.

This is where the Sims 4 comes in. It is a different continuity, but it is different because they are aware of what Alexander believes to have happened to Bella. This would be why their personalities are so completely different, why the age gap between Cassandra and Alexander aren’t so extreme, why the Goths are so much more reclusive.

Alexander did something that inadvertently changed the future, eliminating himself and his circumstances entirely. He vanished suddenly, probably in a series of events identical to Back to the Future, where he is then allowed to live his life as a child with his mother in the picture, having no idea what he believed happened to her, nor knowing the truth. He erases his little sister altogether, but he can’t be blamed for that since he didn’t know she even existed.

What happened to his wife? Did she get erased like Alexander did?

No, actually she died. She tried repairing the time machine, failed, and was electrocuted to death as a result. She died young and is buried in the Goth mansion’s graveyard, confusing future generations because no one knows where she comes from because she has the surname Goth but they can’t find her on their family tree.

Lolita Goth was the wife of Alexander Goth.

Yes, it says she’s single, which means one of two things happened:

Either she tried repairing the time machine one last time after Alexander vanished and died,

Like Alexander’s marriage to Cecelia, they didn’t have the best relationship and they ended up getting a divorce, then, possibly with Alexander still around, did the same and died.

She clearly wanted to go back home to her time and wasn’t happy with Alexander for being stuck there.

And it makes sense that she would have been electrocuted with the time machine because there are no other objects in the Goth Mansion that would result in her electrocution.

Which would ALSO explain why the Goths of the Sims 3 can’t figure out who she is. You can’t list a descendent and their wife on your family tree if they don’t exist yet, can you?

Tragedy is just par for the course in the Goth Family, it matches their dark and dreary macabre air. But Bella’s story is just really extra sad. Imagine trying to repair your failed marriage, going to meet a new neighbor only for him to put the moves on you without invitation, then get abducted by aliens where their experiments go wrong, causing you to lose your memories, your personality, your youth, and then you find out that it went wrong because you’re pregnant, which you didn’t know about that either, and your kidnappers take a tissue sample from you, and then drop you on a strange planet far from home where you have no way to communicate to them that you’re there, but you don’t remember anyone but your children anyway, leaving you to have a baby you didn’t even know existed when you were abducted and live just long enough to name her?

The truth has been staring at us in the face since 2014, but we all missed it. Me included for the longest time. It’s been 16 years since Bella went missing, and we all had theories and ideas, but THIS is the truth, and it’s really. Messed up. Yeah, I found out what happened to Bella, but do I like it? No, not at all. Bella deserved better, and so do her children. Mathilde especially. She grew up in an orphanage never knowing she had a family who would have loved her so very much, only to become a mailcarrier on her home planet. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a mailcarrier, don’t get me wrong.

Dina Caliente is innocent, but seriously? Bye.

Nina Caliente is innocent, and really deserves better.

Don Lothario is innocent, but yet he sucks.

Mortimer Goth used to be my favorite out of the Goth family, yes, even over Bella. But after learning everything about him I have mixed feelings about the guy. I don’t blame him for not trusting Bella, and I don’t blame him for wanting to move on, but jeez, at least show a little genuine emotion, Morty, she was your childhood best friend, and, if nothing else, the mother of your children.

There was no plot to get rid of her and swipe the Goth fortune.

It was just poor timing on the alien’s end, and bad luck altogether.

So, yeah.

That’s what happened to Bella Goth.

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renegadewangs · 3 years

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Van Zieks - the Examination, part 11

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).

Disclaimer: (see Part 1 for the more detailed disclaimer.) - These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I’m outlining stems from my own views and experiences. If you believe that I’ve missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly. -The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. - I’m using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what’s said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent. -It doesn’t matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Bring on the game's credits! BRING IT! The Resolve of Ryunosuke Naruhodo part 2 is here!

Episode 2-5: The Resolve of Ryunosuke Naruhodo, part 2

This is the first time in a while that I actually want to try other options to see what happens. The 'accusation' leads to some witty banter with a frustrated Stronghart, but 'report' is one that gets a reaction from Van Zieks himself. Ryu theorizes that 'since Klint was a well-bred and fastidious man, and knowing the end was near, he might have wanted to tie up some loose ends in all of his outstanding business'. Van Zieks immediately replies that his brother had no outstanding business.

DID I JUST GET PENALIZED BY THE DEFENDANT??? Just for implying his brother might've had some loose ends to tie up? Van Zieks really hates it when people show his brother even the slightest bit of disrespect, huh? Well, it's about to get a whole lot worse. Let's go for the confession option! Van Zieks definitely doesn't take kindly to this one.

“What are you saying? Do you even realise?! A confession...about the true identity of the Professor... That, that would mean...”

He fumbled his speech, there. We've never heard him do that before. And he's gone back to that bobbing, unsteady animation halfway into the above dialogue. Ryu insists it's the only explanation that fits. The man who murdered those members of the aristocracy wasn't Genshin Asogi at all, it was the one believed to be the fifth victim, Klint van Zieks himself.

Welp. We broke him. Stronghart remarks that Pandora's box has opened at last, making it clear he already knew what we just revealed. The gallery is outraged.

We've gone from well-bred to thoroughbred, have we? Susato feels very bad for Van Zieks, but Ryu asks himself whether such a brilliant prosecutor never suspected “what his older brother really was”. To clear up doubt further, he asks whether Klint Van Zieks owned a dog. Barok doesn't intend to dodge the facts of the situation, it seems.

Not what the concept art says, but it's possible Klint owned a different, smaller dog before Balmung. Van Zieks talks about how loyal the dog was and how it wore a jewel-studded collar which was stolen from the house “some years ago now”. This implies it was less than ten years ago, and must've been kept in the house as a keepsake even after Balmung passed away. Ryu and Susato bring up that they've seen such a collar; it was Selden's loot in case 2-2. They note the fancy B emblem on it, and this is the first time we find out that Klint van Zieks was a married man. His widow's maiden name was Baskerville. It's a little odd to me that for someone who thought so highly of his brother, Van Zieks never mentioned his sister in law before now. Conveniently, it never came up for the sake of a twist, I suppose. Either way, the emblem confirms the collar they saw was Balmung's. Ryu notes there was a considerable amount of blood on the collar (nobody washed this thing?) and while it could've come from typical hunting trips, it could just as well have been human blood. With that, the gallery begins to lean towards the truth that Klint van Zieks really was the Professor himself. Stronghart seems to have realized there's no way out of this now and announces that 'they may have the truth'.

Here comes that 'true nature' thing again, just worded a bit differently. Van Zieks doesn't intend to shirk away from it, though. He's open to the insinuation that his brother was, in truth, something truly horrible. Stronghart explains that Klint attempted to fight the growing darkness in London, only to end up being consumed by it. He also admits that after the fourth victim fell, Genshin showed up at his office, putting forth the accusation that Klint was the Professor. He didn't have any evidence and needed a warrant to get some, but Stronghart refused to anger the aristocracy based on the accusation of a visiting student, so he sent Genshin away. As a result, the man headed over to the Van Zieks mansion and Klint perished. Stronghart continues to admit that he was responsible for pinning the Professor's crimes on Genshin, right down to ordering Gregson to fabricate evidence. Sure enough, the late inspector's earlier claims ring true: it seems he did genuinely believe Genshin to be the killer, but was reluctant to falsify anything until Stronghart strong-armed him into it. The jailbreak agreement was also part of Stronghart's plan; he manipulated Genshin into agreeing by proverbially dangling his 14 year old son in front of him. Van Zieks brings up one more point: that Stronghart was the mastermind behind the Reaper organization. Not only does he admit to it, he calls it a “brilliant idea” and even takes credit for how his “minions” worked tirelessly to ensure Van Zieks was never accused of being the Reaper himself. What a smarmy bumhole. He insists it was all for the preservation of law and order across the empire, and the gallery is actually suckered into falling for this ploy. It seems as if he's going to get away with his masterminding without decent consequences. Kazuma now has one more question for Van Zieks, and it's the exact one Ryu asked himself earlier; did he never have any doubts about his brother?

“My brother's sense of justice was extremely strong. Perhaps...too strong, I observed. […] During the time of the Professor killings, my brother did not appear to be himself. But it was only once. Not more. Klint wasn't the culprit. That was my conclusion at the time. And I still believe that now. […] The third victim...was the Lord Chief Justice at the time. It was he who had recognized my brother's potential and trained him as a prosecutor. No matter what the circumstances, it's unthinkable that my brother could have killed his friend and mentor!”

So here, we learn that Klint wasn't an infallible paragon of virtue in his brother's eyes. Simply by saying that his sense of justice was “perhaps too strong”, a flaw is being brought to light. Younger Barok saw that Klint's need to ensure justice was overpowering him, and he also saw that during the time of the killings, something was off about his behavior. Enough to have the younger Van Zieks consider, for a brief time, that perhaps the Professor was him. However, the death of the third victim was like a lifeline to him, a flotation device keep him from going under- or perhaps more like a straw to grasp. It offered a sort of justification to him; a firm belief that Klint would never kill his own mentor and therefore he couldn't possibly be the Professor, and Barok was wrong to ever doubt him. However, it was just a very meager excuse to put his suspicions at ease and blind him to the truth. There are, after all, plenty of reasons why Klint would kill that Lord Chief Justice if indeed he were the Professor.

So Stronghart now tries to wrap everything up with a neat little bow, saying that's all the truth they'll be able to get from this trial and he'll present himself at the Ministry of Justice for whatever sanctions are deemed necessary. Since he's the Lord Chief Justice, I can't imagine the Ministry of Justice will give him more than a slap on the wrist. However, he says just a bit too much in his closing statement and Ryu jumps on that immediately. A third page of Genshin's will was hidden from everyone! Turns out, it was a personal message to Kazuma that they never bothered to send to Japan. Governor Caidin conveniently brought it with him and the contents are read aloud after some pressuring. With this last secret message left behind by Genshin, Ryu manages to find Klint's last will and testament hidden inside the Asogi clan's sword. GASP.

Oblivious to the shenanigans playing out in the Court Record section of the game, Stronghart once again tries to end the trial and even goes so far as to say Klint was basically insane when he took his mentor's life (to which Van Zieks objects fiercely). Ryu interjects, saying he has one more piece of evidence to present. When Stronghart calls the very notion absurd, Van Zieks once again raises an objection, pointing out that “this gentleman has an uncanny habit of producing evidence at the final hour that had escaped everyone else's attention.” Which, y'know, is true. That's how Ace Attorney works. I do want to draw attention to the fact that he said “this gentleman” as opposed to “this Nipponese” or even something like “this barrister”. He considers Ryu a gentleman now! So with that, Ryu has the opportunity to shove Klint's will in everyone's face and things escalate very quickly.

Ooh, his speech faltered again. He is shook! And it gets even better when he gets a closer look at the document.

Stronghart panics and demands Ryu hands the document over to him at once. When that fails, he even tries to forcibly adjourn the trial and get everyone to clear the courtroom. If that isn't suspicious, we don't know what is. It sure is satisfying to watch him squirm. Naturally, he can't actually put an end to the trial now- not with so many people watching, so the document is read aloud. It's revealed that Genshin challenged Klint to a duel, so that he might “depart this world with honor”. Klint goes on to write that he finds himself undeserving of this honor and that “the Japanese are a truly merciful people”. So here, already, we get the final nail in the coffin for Van Zieks's entire motivation for racial prejudice and for hating Genshin in particular. Klint never thought ill of Genshin, not even in his final moments. If anything, he was grateful for being put out of his misery and being allowed to 'depart the world with honor'. Genshin's actions were not betrayal; not ever. They were merciful. (COOL MOTIVE, STILL MURDER.) What we also learn is that while Klint did indeed take the life of the first victim on his own accord, he was then immediately identified as the culprit and blackmailed into the next three killings by someone else. You guessed it, it was Stronghart! Despite his earlier panic, he now has a myriad of justification ready, talking about how sacrifices have to be made for the sake of justice and whatnot. He also explains that he was the one who pressured Jigoku into shooting Genshin in the graveyard when Drebber showed up there. He acts like Jigoku is the only one to blame, but considering Stronghart was basically screaming in Jigoku's ear, I wouldn't be surprised if this poor man pulled the trigger by accident simply because he was startled by the shouting. Stronghart was the one who decided that Genshin needed to die and forced Jigoku to act, so Stronghart is the one ultimately responsible. Naturally, Ryu and Kazuma both attempt to argue Stronghart's justifications into the ground. At one point, Stronghart plays the victim card and asks them to acknowledge his 'struggle', but Kazuma insists that this jerk has done nothing and:

WELL. Okay. Looks like we've finally convinced Kazuma that Van Zieks is a victim in this whole ordeal, as well as someone who 'acts justly'. That's a wonderful way forward. With all this out in the open, though, Stronghart offers a literal round of applause. It's true; he's “done nothing” and “merely been surrounded by fools who've acted very rashly indeed”, which means he can't be charged with any crimes. We can't even prove he threatened anyone into doing his bidding, as he says it might as well have been “bargaining”. Thing is, bargaining with someone to end a third party's life is known as “contract killing” and is, in fact, illegal. I can't find any sources to verify whether it was already illegal in 1900 England, but I can only assume so, or people would've gotten away with murders very easily. I guess the bottom line here is that we can't prove Stronghart really did extort or pay anyone to take a life, since there's no material evidence for that sort of thing, nor anyone who can testify on it. Stronghart claims that the minutes of the trial will be heavily redacted to remove matters not related to Gregson's death, in the interest of preserving law and order, as well as to protect the queen. The gallery has now turned against us as well, chanting Stronghart's name.

Here we have a singular opportunity to deviate into the closest thing to a bad ending this game series has. Anyone who remembers the iconic 'the miracle never happen' ending in AA2, or even the bad endings in AA5 where either Trucy or Athena is implied to be killed by Aura, will be sorely disappointed by this one. First, to compare... In the standard ending, no matter how far along you've gotten in the trial- including proving that Stronghart was the Reaper- Van Zieks will still be found guilty. Stronghart will utter the words that he “would like to think however misguided, [Van Zieks] acted out of a sense of justice nonetheless”, and then pronounces the poor man guilty of crimes we've already proven were never committed by him. Now, in this slightly different ending, if you run out of all your penalty points because you fail to present Harely, the dialogue is tweaked. Stronghart declares that for the sake of justice, “the only correct course of action has been unanimously acknowledged by the clear majority here present. All mention of that which has been discussed in this courtroom today will be struck from the records. Barok van Zieks – Or should I say, Reaper of the Bailey... The heinous crimes committed by your brother, Klint van Zieks, will be lost in obscurity, this time forever. May you also find peace now as you join your sibling in the eternal darkness.”

And then, just as in the standard ending, Van Zieks is pronounced guilty and the doors slam shut. So effectively, the only real difference here is that Stronghart really rubs it in our faces that Van Zieks is taking the fall as the Reaper in the eyes of the public. He knows Van Zieks isn't the Reaper- everyone present in the courtroom knows it. However, since the entirely gallery is siding with the real mastermind, the minutes of the trial will be confiscated and destroyed so that the truth will be lost forever. Neither Kazuma nor Ryu reacts to this turn of events on-screen, which is a shame. Van Zieks doesn't fight the adjudication either, he simply accepts the verdict in silence- Hang on, where have we heard that before? Genshin? And didn't Van Zieks say that so long as his death served a purpose, he wouldn't mind dying over being called the Reaper? Stronghart certainly seems to feel that Van Zieks ought to be thrown under the omnibus and sent to the gallows for the sake of minimizing crime in London.

But we're not going to let the true antagonist of this game get away with his bullshit! Time to pull Harely's ears! Cue another (S)Holmeus Ex-Machina where it turns out the entire secret trial has been livestreamed to the Queen of England through holograms. By royal decree, Stronghart is stripped of his title and will be prosecuted for his crimes at a later time. FINAL BOSS, DEFEATED.

With Stronghart out of the way, Van Zieks has some closing sentiments to offer.

“Is that my brother left this world without a word to me.”

I can see why that might bug him. Van Zieks always looked up to his brother and shielded him from disrespect even a decade after his death, but Klint in turn didn't seem to want to leave any parting sentiments for him, not even a simple farewell. That's not the case, though! Susato points out there's actually more to Klint's will than was read aloud, so let's hear it now.

“Barok, you have always looked up to me, and now, you follow in my footsteps to become a prosecutor. It is my fervent wish that my unspeakable deeds should not hinder your advancement. I ask not for understanding, for none could understand my depravity. I ask only for forgiveness. Asogi is a fine detective, and a hunter worthy of respect. He has agreed to honour my final two wishes. The first is that this document survives. The second... I cannot commit to paper. I have confessed my sins to my wife. May she find resolution in my death. With my eternal gratitude to my Japanese friend, I rest my quill.”

Imagine how different things would've ended if the will had found its way to Van Zieks shortly after Klint's death. It would've prevented so much grief and so much prejudice, because if Van Zieks had learned that Klint still regarded Genshin with so much respect and gratitude even in this situation, he would never have blamed him for Klint's death nor considered it too great a betrayal. Everything that happened was in line with Klint's wishes. As it stands now, the words in Klint's will basically serve to scold Van Zieks for his attitude and hatred these past ten years.

Yep, there we go. The final straw. He's been truly, utterly embarrassed and made to confront his mistakes. When Stronghart explains how his ambition to become Attorney General is what prompted him to silence people like Watson and Gregson. Van Zieks asks him whether he ever bothered to count the number of brilliant people he had killed. Kind of a questionable remark, since Stronghart mostly had criminals killed. We don't even know for sure whether Watson was a good person or not; he comes across as a cowardly skeeve. I guess Van Zieks is mostly talking about Genshin, but even that is... Uh...

I received an Ask a while back, bringing up the matter that Genshin appears to be exonerated of any wrongdoing when the truth of Klint's death is revealed. That despite duels being outlawed and it being literal murder, Kazuma seems to take this truth as his father's name being cleared. Indeed, going over everything we've learned so far, it feels as if the narrative has set up both Klint and Genshin, and even characters like Jigoku and Gregson, as victims of Stronghart's manipulation. The thing is, though... Both Genshin and Klint took at least one life of their own free will, Jigoku pulled a trigger twice for the sake of his own career (and recruited someone into an assassin plot), Gregson conspired with a notorious assassin to commit over a dozen murders just because his boss told him it was the right thing to do... Feeling bad about murder or resorting to it because 'the other person is even worse and needs to be stopped' doesn't change that it's murder. It doesn't seem as if Kazuma or anyone else outright says their loved ones are absolved of any responsibility/their names are cleared, but it does really come across as if the narrative wants you to forgive them. So uh... Yes. This is something the game should have properly addressed, instead of just going 'oh, these poor people, all used as puppets by the final boss'.

Anyway, (S)Holmes takes the time to remind Van Zieks that he's the defendant in this case, not the prosecutor. Our old friend Santa Judge returns for the adjudication! Turns out, he was in the gallery all along. (Was he chanting Stronghart's name too?) He talks about how the darkness of the past ten years has lifted, in part thanks to a bright young star from the East. Awww, we've completely won over the judge! Van Zieks now also has something to add.

“I had the faintest of intimations. That if British justice, so warped and twisted over its long history, was finally to know change... This might just be the man to do it. But at the time, I wouldn't allow myself to acknowledge the possibility. I couldn't overcome my hatred of the Japanese, after the circumstances of my brother's death. Mr. Naruhodo...”

He takes a flourishing bow here, an acknowledgment that Ryu is worthy of his respect and perhaps even that Ryu is superior to him, then stands up straight again for the final whammy.

Ryu is shocked and Susato is brought to tears. We did it, y'all. We've secured the full, heartfelt apology. I'm not sure there's really anything to add to this, nor anything we could want from it at this point in time. Ryu doesn't say he forgives Van Zieks for his discourtesies, but considering how hard he worked to get this guy cleared of murder, that would feel kind of out of place. The forgiveness happened long before Van Zieks apologized, or so is the implication. (Is that the correct narrative path? Not at all, but I'll get back to that in the conclusion.) So after some more closing words from Ryu, Van Zieks gets his not-guilty verdict and court is adjourned.

In the defendant's lobby, Ryu feels a bit conflicted about how this whole thing went down. Susato tries to cheer him up by saying that everything will seem much better once he sees Van Zieks's smiling face. Indeed, in most other Ace Attorney games, this would be the point where at last, an emotionally distant defendant/witness drops their walls and allows themselves to smile (or cry). Just think of Gina, Lana Skye or even Athena Cykes when she cries tears of joy during AA5's ending. Hilariously enough, Van Zieks is not one of those characters.

This is a really fun subversion of expectations and Ace Attorney tropes. And I still believe his face got frozen like that. Even so, he's got something heartfelt to say.

“For you to have risen to the level of excellence you demonstrated today... Well, it's quite remarkable.”

Sounds like a hatchet job of a compliment at first glance, but the sentiment is there. It is extremely remarkable for a foreign exchange student who's only been in the country for about 9 months- and who only spent like 2 of those as an active lawyer- to rise to such a level that he not only uncovers the truth of the current case, but of a cold case from 10 years prior, which was part of a huge cover-up. Ryu points out that he exposed a most 'unpalatable truth' in court and that he feels as if he robbed Van Zieks of something precious. Van Zieks doesn't seem to agree. He reminisces on Stronghart's words.

“But that... That was just the feeble excuse of a coward. Only those with a steadfast eye for the truth have what it takes to fight the dark forces of crime. You made fine work of establishing that fact in court today.”

So once again, he's complimenting Ryu's courtroom performance. Not only that, but he's acknowledging (in different words) the earlier sentiment that the truth needs to come out, no matter how painful. Perhaps, indirectly, he's calling himself a feeble coward as well. Ryu and Susato are proud of Van Zieks's growth, with Susato saying that surely Kazuma would be smiling if he were here. Naturally, when he shows up at that very second, he isn't smiling at all. Like mentor, like disciple! Kazuma takes a polite bow before Van Zieks and congratulates him on his acquittal. Naturally, after watching Kazuma prosecute so ferociously for two whole episodes, that doesn't feel sincere. Van Zieks asks him whether he doesn't instead want to curse him. Kazuma apologizes for his earlier behavior, which does feel 100% sincere.

“Your father, Genshin... If I had been stronger, then perhaps... I made an unforgivable error of judgment. … I can offer no excuse.”

One more apology to add to the pile! And here we once again reach that question of whether the narrative is acting like Genshin should be absolved of all blame. In a technical sense, Van Zieks wasn't wrong to prosecute Genshin, since he did seriously murder Klint. That alone is already warranting of the death penalty, so the added crimes of the Professor on top of that don't change too much. However, I don't think Van Zieks's lines truly relate to the Professor trial itself. The error of judgment, in my eyes, can also be seen as the blind acceptance that Genshin betrayed him (as well as Klint) when there was actually far more at play. This notion that Genshin was a horrid traitor who abused their trust and hospitality was then allowed to grow into an irrational hatred which festered for a decade. Regardless of whether Genshin killed Klint, the insistence that the man's true nature was that of a monster was wrong, and I think that's what he's apologizing for. To be clear, he's not apologizing for racist sentiments uttered towards Kazuma or anyone else from Japan with these lines. This purely relates to his treatment of Genshin. However, he already apologized for his many discourtesies back in the courtroom and I think the racist outbursts were part of those discourtesies.

Kazuma says he can offer no forgiveness, which is totally fair. Kazuma isn't obligated to forgive this man. He does, however, admit that he has respect for Van Zieks, since he “fought for justice and the truth”.

Awww! Remember how in my very first 'strong thought about Barok' post, I pointed out that Barok almost appears to have been designed to be Kazuma's rival prosecutor instead of Ryu's? Yeah. Here we see it very clearly. The reconciliation conversation between these two feels like a much better resolution than the conversation between Van Zieks and Ryu.

So now Kazuma brings up that Genshin promised to do two things for Klint, but the second wasn't mentioned in the will. Mikotoba shows up to share a very heartbreaking tale about Klint's unnamed widow, the lady Zieks-Baskerville, who was hiding out in Dartmoor and passed away from childbirth very shortly after Genshin was executed. The newborn baby girl survived, though! Van Zieks blurts out that that makes no sense. “Why on Earth wouldn't Klint have entrusted the child to my care in that case?!” And that alone is already kind of tragic, but what really packs a wallop is this:

This means Klint and his wife deliberately kept the pregnancy from him. It's never explained why. Genshin showed up at the manor in the spur of the moment and Klint died that very same night, when his wife must've already been around 8 or 9 months pregnant. (she gives birth about a week or two later, after all.) Klint says that he 'confessed his sins to his wife', but that also must've been very recent, if not that very same night, since Stronghart was threatening to tell Klint's wife and brother of his misdeeds. Stronghart's hold on Klint would've weakened if he'd told her the truth months ago, which in turn implies the both of them decided not to tell Barok while she herself was still oblivious to the Professor truth. Honestly, it all feels like a vague plotconvenience.

What is explained is why the newborn baby wasn't entrusted to Van Zieks. It isn't because Klint had the amazing foresight to know his younger brother would become a salty, loner alcoholic; it's because he and his wife feared the truth of the Professor might come out. Heck, if Genshin had never been arrested for Klint's death, perhaps it would've come out for certain. “The girl would be forever branded as the daughter of the infamous mass murderer.” So the baby girl was distanced from the Van Zieks family as much as possible, with all of London unaware of her existence. This girl is, of course, Iris.

Right on cue, the Harely plushie activates to receive a call from (S)Holmes and Iris. She invites everyone over to 221B for a feast and makes sure to invite “Mr. Reaper” too. He very awkwardly declines the offer.

Humanization? Humanization! He does, however, give Iris his word that he'll present himself at 221B in the near future to express his gratitude. I think a big part of why he declined the offer was because he wouldn't feel at home during the big celebration when a whole group of people is there. He'd much rather visit Iris during a more quiet, private moment and that's sweet too. Plus, I don't think he's in the mood for a celebration, considering all the horrible truths he's learned in a single day.

So now Kazuma prepares to leave and asks Van Zieks to accompany him. The wording of “would you care to-” makes it very clear this isn't a demand, it's a very soft request that Van Zieks is free to decline. Not that he hesitates for even a second. Here's some more parting words.

“I believe... You saved my life.”

He takes a deep, flourishing bow and honestly I've lost track of how many times he's praised/thanked Ryu by now. More than Edgeworth thanked Phoenix, most likely. The prosecutor duo prepares to walk away, but Ryu calls after Van Zieks, asking him to wait. Which he does. Ryu asks him what he intends to do now.

... “Prosecutor van Zieks chooses death”??? In a way, he's thinking of pulling a similar move. He intends to publicize the full truth of the Professor, and I can only imagine that includes Stronghart's involvement in what went down 10 years ago. Maybe he'll even share the truth of the Reaper who's haunted the courtroom all these years. He believes that “once that's done, the Van Zieks family will be ostracised completely from London society.” (I don't think he means living family members, but rather, the legacy of the Van Zieks name and the rights associated with it.) So because of that, he intends to leave the capital as soon as he's free of his employment. Considering how easily this man took a five year sabbatical and adding in the fact that the Lord Chief Justice just got arrested, I expect his resignation could be as easy as packing his desk and leaving his office without saying a word. Kazuma, however, calls him a fool and a coward. He basically dares Van Zieks to keep going now that he's finally freed from the pseudonym of the Reaper. Van Zieks neither agrees with the sentiment nor shoots it down, instead saying it's unexpected to hear those words from Kazuma of all people. With that out in the open, they leave for realsies.

Just as Van Zieks doesn't attend the Baker Street party, he isn't there when Ryu's at the docks to return to Japan. I like to think Kazuma did bother to tell Van Zieks that Ryu is leaving the country, because withholding that information seems like a bit of a jerk move, but... Well. Not showing up at the docks to say some final farewells is even more of a jerk move on Van Zieks's part. Though it's possible he felt he wasn't wanted there, and may eventually ask for Ryu's address so he can write a letter (which is far less imposing than invading a heartfelt farewell with a scowling face). It's a shame, though. I would've liked to hear his thoughts on Ryu's departure.

We learn that Kazuma will “stay in Lord van Zieks's tutelage for the time being” to become a full-fledged prosecutor. Which is fine, I guess. It doesn't matter whether he's a defense attorney or a prosecutor; all that matters is the pursuit of the truth. What catches my interest is that even with all that bad blood and refusal to forgive Van Zieks, Kazuma still agrees to keep studying as his disciple. This implies to me that he sincerely doesn't believe Van Zieks to be a bad person anymore, and acknowledges he can learn a lot from this man. Which is not the same thing as being on friendly terms with him, but at the very least he's giving Van Zieks the benefit of the doubt when it comes to improving their... Well, their dynamic, I suppose I should call it.

On to the credits scenes we go! This time, Van Zieks legit does get a scene of his own, but before we address this one, I want to skip ahead real quick to Albert Harebrayne's scene.

“He sent me a very nice letter saying he'd like to show me around now that everything was settled. B-But what have I done? I was so excited, I picked this splendid hotel and now I can't afford the bill! Oh Barok! Come to my rescue again, please! I, I wish I could just vanish into thin air sometimes!”

Several things of note can be taken out of this little scene. First of all, with the Reaper nonsense behind them, Van Zieks seems to have wasted very little time with asking his best buddy to return to London for that sightseeing that was promised. Presumably, he even paid for the trip (again), since Albert still seems to be very low on money. This, coupled with the fact that Van Zieks was reading that letter with quite a bit of dedication in his jail cell, indicates to me that he's longing for the good old days, when he could smile and have friends. He's trying to return to a sense of normalcy and since Albert is still considered his closest friend, it makes sense he'd reach out to him instead of a relative stranger like Kazuma. Baby steps. Now, the fact that Albert says “come to my rescue again” sets the very clear tone that this guy believes Van Zieks has helped him before- during the trial, of course. It's another reinforcement of the notion that Albert is thankful Van Zieks chose the role of prosecutor in order to defend the teleportation theory, even if it meant that he himself would be branded a murderer. Despite his gruff exterior and blunt words, Albert thinks of Van Zieks as a sort of knight in shining armor who will come save him. … With cold hard cash, in this case, but it's the gesture that counts. Van Zieks might allow Albert to stay in his mansion instead, but it depends how high the risk of assassination is at this point in time. People are probably hating on the Van Zieks family now that the truth of the Professor is out.

On to credits scene of Van Zieks himself! We have confirmation by now that he hasn't retired as a prosecutor, since Kazuma already expressed his intent to keep studying under him. So we see Van Zieks in his office, addressing Klint's painting.

“In those days, when I was known as the Reaper, I felt your presence at my side. Once, unable to bear the burden of that grim pseudonym, I even retired from the courtroom. Despite everything, I still wear your prosecutor's badge with pride. But the darkness that beset me is no more. As you, too... Are no more.”

The first two sentences of this bit feel very disjointed and barely related to me, so I had a quick look at some fan translations. First is the sub translation on Youtube: “I could feel you standing by my side through the days in which I was called the Reaper. Yet there were times I could not bear the burden of that name, and left the courtroom far behind me.” The “yet” is very crucial, since it makes the insinuation that feeling his brother's presence was very important to Van Zieks, but the burden became so overwhelming that he retired anyway. Taisa the Gamer's script doesn't have a “yet” in it, nor any equivalent, but the sentence structure still flows well enough not to cast doubt on how he felt about Klint's supposed presence. Contrasting that, the localization's wording with “even” almost makes it seem like feeling Klint's presence was a negative thing- that he was overwhelmed by it and that this was the burden associated with the Reaper name, as opposed to the killings. Which can't possibly be right; he already admitted to us that the idea of his brother's ghost helping him was one of the main reasons he kept on being the Reaper. So long story short, the localization's take on these first two lines is a little off.

The prosecutor's badge thing, however, is spot on. Despite everything- despite the 'true nature' of Klint now exposed, Van Zieks still wears the badge with pride. We know the badge is symbolical, of course. He still believes in Klint's sense of justice and he's still going to openly admit to being Klint's brother- to being a Van Zieks. That's sweet. He goes on to say that the darkness within him is no more. To really grasp what that means, let's go back to the end of case 2-3 for a second. There, Van Zieks says that after his brother's death, he found himself in “a very dark place indeed”. In case 2-4, he mentions that he refuses to trust others to protect himself against betrayal, but has now sunk into a proverbial mire which makes it impossible to breathe. All of that is the same darkness he's referring to now, I'm sure. I don't believe depression can lift this easily; there's no way that darkness is no more. However, I think what he means to say is that it no longer has such a strong hold on him that it manifests in paranoia and irrational hatred. He has a chance now to start fresh and that's what he intends to do. He's striding away from that darkness, towards a brighter future. In order for a person to change for the better, they themselves have to want to change, and it looks like Van Zieks is all for that. Which at last brings us to the conclusion of this essay series! The conclusion, which looks back on the original query posed in Part 1, will once again include a load of screencaps. To keep the post size lighter, I'm going to put it in a separate post. I hope you'll look forward to it!

#dgs #dgs spoilers #tgaa #tgaa spoilers #barok van zieks #ALMOST THERE #HHHHHHHHH

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andsmile · 3 years

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tbh i don’t mind BA in the show so much, no reason for me to ship them but no reason to hate them. but the worst reason a BA stan could give to ship them is the comics. Because Archie treated Betty like a doormat in the comics- there wasn’t even a proper alternative for her but sometimes she got a side character like Adam and i thrived off that.

from all the ba anons i got, this one i was looking forward to answer, because it’s some actually interesting discourse. i have absolutely nothing against the idea of betty and archie. their characters together don’t appeal me but i think that if you look at them as paralleling kids in paralleling houses with paralleling lives that go from light to dark, i think that could be a very interesting story if told the right way.

my problem with ba runs way deeper than just “it’s a ship composed by the characters of a andrews and b cooper that people cheer for” and i’m adding some discourse about it under the cut (including the comics discourse):

the bav dynamics in the older comics is outdated and sexist. va are the better ship in there if only because the woman has the upper hand, and i ain’t about to start cheering for men, but they also suck. with ba, not only you have archie making a human doormat out of her, you also have her willingly placing herself in that position and more than often showing obsessive and psychotic behavior with him. the best comics are those where b+v say fuck an archie, and we all know that. i have trouble understanding anyone that actually ships their dynamics like this, but well--digests are meant to be funny, and in the most recent series they toned down these stereotypes a lot. and you have some verses where ba work as a ship. you have universes where they don’t--imo, riverdale is one of them.

i understand when there’s a sense of entitlement that stems from the comics with ba, though. because b is a character that mostly pined for a for over seven decades and the fans of the archieverse sometimes want to see a pay off for that. they see archie as her prize, like she’s entitled to end up with him this time.

they also see the same for him: he should get ‘the girl’, since he’s ‘the main’. he should get ‘the good girl’, since he’s ‘the good boy’. he should get ‘the one that got away’ because ‘he let her get away’. a lot of comic fans also don’t like how in the comics archie is seen as veronica’s doormat, so they want archie to have a chance of a love that’s ‘pure and true’ (and virginal, and white, and middle class, and self-insert) instead of a rich bitch.

...except that rich bitch this time is not just any rich bitch. veronica is a latina, in riverdale. the lodges are a mexican family. she’s not even a bitch--she’s a reformed rich bitch. and that already changes the entire varchie dynamics. riverdale also changed the entire ba dynamics when they had both ba look the other way for the first time and given her a love interest that could actually compete with archie. this is a different universe. these are not those characters ////// we can discuss how they haven’t given veronica a proper alternative yet, but some other time.

so what’s my problem with ba in the universe of riverdale?

veronica. veronica is my first problem. archie is veronica’s only valid love interest so far and they want to build ba’s narrative by invalidating her. veronica already is a latina woman whose main reference of goodness are the characters of archie and betty, the whitest, most american, most middle-class of the show. veronica's character is seen as sinful, sexual, criminal, dark, bad. she has seen people say that to her face. she has apologized and repented but it’s never enough. her father is sick in the head and many, many riverdale viewers say point blank that varchie are just sex, despite all their build up and romantic highs, that all she has to offer is that she’s hot.

many, many riverdale viewers also say that archie is only waiting for betty now, or that he’s waiting for himself to be ready for betty. idk exactly what they say. that would be fine, except it isn’t anymore. it’s not fine that archie’s had three woc as girlfriends and people will deadass say that he’s just passing time and getting his dick wet while he waits for the white girl next door. it’s not. how can anyone think that’s fine? and whenever the show gives any indication to support this narrative, it disgusts me.

it’s also not fine that betty has finally found the character development needed and broke out of the sexist molds she was made of--always waiting for archie--after literal decades and now people think that because of that, archie should be her prize. archie choosing her is what she gets for breaking the mold and being better. betty finally has someone who loves her and chose her, and who’s the most compatible to her (istg, i have never seen two characters more compatible than bughead are, regardless of my shipping preferences), but people think she needs to do better than “trailer trash” (arguments i’ve seen around). she should get the abs. she should get her first love. she’s entitled to him. he’s entitled to her.

so i don’t support ba in riverdale not only because i don’t think the writers know how to write a compelling story about them like they could, but also because i think this sense of entitlement and this embodiment of awful stereotypes and hurtful prejudices is too much. there are many ways they could write them connecting more interestingly, but the way they’re doing it, and did it already, isn’t it. maybe it’d would work better in a coming of age show that could build some nuances more carefully without just throwing out character development, but that’s not what riverdale is. like i said, it might work in some universes. not in this one.

plus, the way 95% of their fandom behaves is absurd--and i know there are many absurd shippers around, in every fandom, but they also use of many racist and sexist comments towards veronica, classist comments towards jughead; they want veronica to sob and cry, they want jughead to be dead, they want the entire thing to fall apart so the entitled neighbors entitled to be together get together, and it all DOESN’T SIT WELL with me. it just doesn’t.

so, yeah. they’re happening and i always knew that, and i do feel like the show itself sometimes gives out these ~feels about them being entitled to each other which ignites them being hateful, spiteful and spoiled, but the way they wrote it was so careless. i do think that if ras was in actual charge he wouldn’t have messed up so bad, but ras doesn’t really care anymore. anyway. these are my eleven cents.

#anti barchie #rd negativity #anti b*rchie #anon #reply #re: riverdale #for actual discourse lets go lol

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pepsi-writes · 3 years

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chapter 3: the tears of the gang smp are the best candy

"Make sure it won’t happen again.” The boss crossed their arms, maintaining an intimidating posture.

The narrators bobbed their heads, immediately turning around and dashing out of the office. They were lucky to have gotten off the hook so easily after letting that omega robot bastar - nevermind. That’s unimportant.

Hello again, bitc-readers!

I hope you’re glad to see us, which you obviously aren’t, but please say you are 🥺😩

Now. Why focus the story on the narrators, when you’re just here for everybody else’s dumb-assery?

Sleepy took the dog-ear-headband thing off, throwing it in some random direction of the room, as they strolled right through the seventh doorway they’ve made it through after they had escaped from the other cursed room.

Addict followed them closely, though they seemed a bit timid. “Well,” Sleepy broke the awkward silence, “That was annoying.”

Addict glanced down at them. “Ok, but was the bashing really necessary?”

He shrugged. They reached the end of the long hallway (there was a long hallway???), and carelessly opened the door.

It opened to what seemed to be a waiting room, but he couldn’t place his finger on it oh who the fuck am i kidding it’s a waiting room.

“Took you long enough,” Rose mumbled, lounging on one of the chairs. He had searched endlessly for an exit, eventually giving up out of exhaustion.

They both ignored the comment, sitting down in random places in the room. Better to not acknowledge it at all then to make a fuss!

“So, is there, like,” Squid the bird person said, “any exit to this place?”

The room went quiet, so fey took it as a cold, hard, no.

“Hey, Squid,” Addict said, to break the silence, “you, uh, look different!”

Fey laughed in response. “Yeah, I know. The writer finally found out what my design is!” Squid the intellectual alpha was not shocked that the narrators didn’t know of feir design.

Besides, what was their rank in the a/b/o system-

Uhhhh, let’s move on so shush!

Addict let out a chuckle in response, mumbling something about it being cool under their breath.

There was nothing to, kinda talk about, really. Nothing at all. Zero. Nada.

Anyways, they had all been paid to dress themselves in dumb-ass dog costumes and play out an entire script for an episode, skit, whatever the fuck I want to call it.

However, when they actually tried to do the thing, these two bitches- uh - weird things, that called themselves the “narrators” (yeah, that’s us 😎), were keeping the entire performance under check and under control.

The whole thing made no sense whatsoever, but they went along with it anyway, because cash is worth more than their sanity. It would mean that the group would get paid handsomely, so, why not?

But, when they were actually finally fucking finished, they weren’t let out of the room. How fun.

Instead, more people were let into the room, like Sunny the dead racist moth, and Rose the dense mf.

And, they were given an entirely new script, given no time to rehearse or whatever, and told that they’ll be all paid double.

Now? They were in a creepily nostalgic waiting room, with seemingly no exits other than the way they came.

Sunny crossed her arms. “Do we really have to wait in a room with a,” - she glared distastefully at Quartz - “piglin?”

Quartz’s eyes widened at the snarky comment. “I am not a fucking piglin, you short-ass little shit.”

“Well then,” Sunny replied, smiling like the racist bastard she was. “Are you some sort of blaze?”

Quartz simply ignored her useless blabbering. They had no time for her anyway.

Suddenly, the door to the waiting room opened, with a loud slam!

“Hello!” Narrator said, stepping in with an eerie yet pleasant air around them. “Hope you’re all glad to be seeing us again!”

“Oh, great,” Squid snarled, wrinkling up their nose. “We’re going to have to do this dumb dog thing again.”

Yep yep!! Now come on, isn’t this all super fun? 😩👉 👈

“No! This is all fucking terrible, actually,” Rose yelled from the back. He suddenly shut up, with the narrators’ magic writing powers ah fuck let’s get on with it.

Glad to see you’re all excited for Episode 3 of the fun yes times ^﹏^

A door appeared across from where this narrator had entered.

They walked over and opened it.

Now, follow me :)

Everyone followed, because getting threatened by your best friend and crush in order to get a jab at the other person whom you love, is way too boring to actually watch.

Anyways, the narrator led them to another place, shoved everyone in it, shut the door, and locked it. Why? Because yes <3 Anyways they walked over to a room with a big ass window, into the room where they could now safely control the gsmp people bitches, without risk of dumbass robots hitting me and destroying the careers that they both had worked years to get to lmao.

“I hate it here,” Quartz groaned, any spark of happiness or peace seemingly draining from their eyes.

Sleepy whipped their head to the side, a snarky frown on their face. “Well, what fun thing are you making us do now?” A question mark appeared on their screen; obviously it was there to pester the narrators.

The narrator suddenly paused. They didn’t know what to do now. The other narrator didn’t know what was going to happen too (spoiler alert they both know they’re just being bitches lmao)

Irrelevant, nevertheless we have someone new for everyone to have your fun with :D

The narrator pressed a button on the control panel that appeared because fuck logic, and a door appeared on the ceiling, seemingly out of thin… wall.

Guess what it dropped? Uh, fuck it, you’ve all read the original already, it’s our favorite little goat, Scar!!!!!!!!

The door suddenly disappeared, slamming shut as its edges dissipated. Rose, who had climbed on top of Addict to try and reach it, cursed in frustration. Addict, who had absolutely no mercy towards him, wiggled so that he fell out of their grip. Rose cursed again, standing up and massaging his terribly injured arm. “Anyways…” he grumbled, “Welcome to hell.”

Addict sprinted to him, helping them up. “Hey…” they said to Scar.

“Yeah,” he coughed, brushing out his shirt, “I just kinda fell.”

he looked around the colorful room “Uh… where am I-“ Scar was suddenly quieted with the narrators’ awesome powers lmao.

Hey, stop questioning this now anyways put on these!

I pressed another button. The ceiling opened up again, and a dog-ear-headband clambered to Scar’s feet. A look of confusion passed their face, but he didn’t question it.

Now, they get to officially be a part of the a/b/o fic!

“...What?”

Woah. Both of the narrators, ending on a cliffhanger?

Wowsers😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳

Haha that was fun right guys :)

#writing #a/b/o fic #a/b/o verse #a/b/o au #gang #gsmp #gang smp #gsmp a/b/o fic

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sagebaileyspeaks · 4 years

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A Final Word About Pink Diamond, the perpetual abuser

So.

I told myself I was going to stop making posts about Pink Diamond because people don’t like it and I get a lot of push back but the amount of defending she receives every time we uncover another horrible action just drives me up a wall.

More often than not the argument made in Pink’s defense boil down to a) Pink was raised by abusers and was abused herself b) was young and didn’t understand the impact of her actions and c) grew and changed as a person.

As you can expect, I’m going to break this down piece by piece starting with: “Pink was raised by abusers and was abused herself.”

If a child grows up in a house where they are physically assaulted day in and day out are they then allowed to grow up and beat their own children? No. If a person is sexually abused as a child are they then allowed to grow up an abuse other children? No.

No matter where you come from or what you grow up in, at a certain point your choices are your own. You make the choice to lash out. You make the choice to throw tantrums. You make the choice to hurt others. And even if these choices are influenced by the only life you’ve ever known, if you are able to recognize that those behaviors are harmful to you, you should damn well know that they’d be harmful to others.

Abuse is an explanation. It can never be accepted as an excuse.

b) “Pink was young and didn’t understand the impact of her actions”

A few days ago my son broke something of mine and I was rightfully upset. When he saw I was upset he became slightly agitated and said, “But it was an accident.” I asked whether or not my thing was still broken, he said yes. I asked if he was the one to break it, he said yes. I asked, “Does your doing it by accident make it any less broken?” He said no and the point is, you have to use that same line of reasoning here.

Children are generally excused when they do bad things because they fully don’t understand the scope of their actions but every child understands consequences. “If I do this, this happens” it’s one of the first things any child learns. Whether or not someone understands the impact of their actions, they certainly know there’ll be a consequence (good or bad) and a lack of awareness also does not excuse Pink.

It’s like trying to excuse racist teenagers/young adults because “they’re too young to understand!” which completely ignores the fact that the people they’re acting out towards, who are likely the same age, do understand. You can’t say one side understands consequences more than the other when the offending side is older and has more privilege and/or power. Also, we also assume Pink was a child but there is nothing in the canon that confirms this. Referring to her as “immature” and “small” does not equate her being a literal child, it just means she was the youngest Diamond.

There’s no way you don’t understand what you’re doing when you’re screaming and someone is cowering in a corner. There’s no way you don’t understand what you’re doing when you tell your subordinate to stand and wait for you on an isolated planet. There’s no way you don’t understand what you’re doing when you poof a Gem, stash it in your pet and outright LIE about what happened.

Pink Diamond was not a toddler. She is accountable for the impact of her actions and the consequences of her behavior regardless of her “intent.”

c) “Pink grew and changed as a person.”

Now here’s the real controversial one, I don’t feel that Pink Diamond changed at all as a person. She dressed herself up as a new person and presumably stopped throwing tantrums, but underneath it all she remained a selfish, immature person. And if you don’t agree with that, look at the actions she took as Rose Quartz:

Started a war not to free all Gems, but to scare her sisters off the planet.

Used Pearl to come up with a cover story and lie to the other Gems.

Poofed Bismuth, hid her in Lion’s mane and outright LIED about knowing where she was.

Faked her own death leading to the corruption of all Gems on Earth.

Lied to the Crystal Gems (army) and co (Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl)

It doesn’t seem as though Pink made any decisions that didn’t further her own agenda and even when you move into the current 500 year stretch, after the war was over, after it was just the four of them and she finally settled down and stopped doing things that negatively impacted those around her (except for you know, the LYING;) the only attempt Pink made to right the wrongs she brought into the world was to try healing the corrupted Gems.

She didn’t go back for Spinel. She didn’t free Bismuth. She didn’t release Pearl from her servitude. She didn’t tell Garnet or Amethyst who she was and let them decide for themselves if they wanted to stay.

For the duration of her time on Earth up until meeting Greg, she was still living as Pink Diamond just with a new coat of paint.

When the movie first aired I said that Rose/Pink was objectively terrible and didn’t learn empathy until the last twenty to thirty years of her life and while I do believe she learned to love Greg and would’ve loved Steven, learning empathy in the last thirty years - out of thousands of years where you did fucked up shit - does not equal a redemption arc. It doesn’t equal growth, it doesn’t equal change especially considering that at this point she is still actively LYING to the Gems.

Is she complicated? Yes. Is she flat out evil? No. But call a spade a spade and stop trying to excuse abuse just because something good came out of it. You can’t make amends to everyone your toxic behavior has ever hurt, but when things are within your control and you still refuse to make those choices (PEARL. BISMUTH. THE LYING) then I’m not going to sit here and call you a good person because you aren’t. Pink Diamond was not a good person. Her legacy is one of lies, trauma and abuse.

#is this a rant?#pink diamond #rose quartz #steven universe future #steven universe #su #suf #steven universe future spoilers

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jorjdsfeadle-blog · 4 years

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mainly as regards to international terrorism

worldwide tensions between Islam and the West. Striking examples of this style encompass Kabir Khan's New York (2008), Karan Johar's My Name is Khan (2010), Rensil D'Silva's Kurbaan (2009) and Apoorva Lakhia's Mission Istanbul, to name a few. Films like Anil Sharma's Ab Tumhare Hawale Watam Sathiyo (2004) and Subhash Ghai's Black and White (2008) consciousness on terrorist problems in the Indian subcontinent itself. The latter films have continued inside the subculture of pre 9-11 terrorist movies like Vidhu Vinod Chopra's Mission Kashmir (2000), Mani Ratnam's Dil Se (1998) and Bombay (1995). Ratnam's Bombay treated the devastating Hindu and Moslem riots in 1991, which value over a one thousand lives. Study in Canada after Graduation Chopra's Mission Kashmir dealt with a situation of neighborhood terrorist activity inside the Kashmir location sponsored by global terrorist cells operating from Afghanistan. In this manner the terrorist style is not a wholly new style in Bollywood, nor is terrorism an strange phenomenon in the day to day sports of the Indian subcontinent (the maximum current and brutal terrorist assault was the Mumbai bloodbath in 2008). What makes the current spate of terrorist movies thrilling is that they have entered the global sphere and have emerge as component and parcel of a transnational talk between East and West and Islam and the opposite.

To make the terrorist style extra palatable, Bollywood has traditionally spiced up the violence and suspense with the hallmark Bollywood music and dance interludes and sentimental romantic exchanges among the hero and heroine. Mission Kashmir is infamous for its swish dances and stirring emotional exchanges between the primary protagonists, played out on the violent backdrop of terrorism in Kashmir. Mani Ratnam's Bombay likewise mixes up the maximum brutal scenes of Hindu and Moslem hatred and violence with scrumptious comedy and a forbidden love affair between a pious Moslem woman and a boy from a highly positioned Shaivite Hindu circle of relatives. His father is the trustee of the village temple and each the family patriarchs are violently opposed to the youngsters marrying out of doors their caste and non secular community.

Karan Johar's My Name is Khan

Following inside the Bollywood lifestyle of blending genres (known inside the enterprise because the masala or highly spiced recipe movie), Karan Johar's My Name is Khan blends comedy and romance with the political hot potato of post Sep 11 bigotry and racial hatred inside the US. The film's theme of ultra-nationalist extremism culminates in the senseless killing of a younger Indian boy Sam or Sameer, who's overwhelmed to dying with the aid of youths within the soccer ground, in part due to the adopting of his stepfather's name Khan. Overflowing gushes of emotion and coronary heart stirring romantic songs, inclusive of the integration of the 1960's counter tradition anthem "We Shall Overcome" (sung in both Hindi and English), arise at some point of the film to both lighten the tension and to exemplify the presence of light and hope in a global darkened with the aid of the bitter shadow of world terrorism. The truth that the imperative protagonist Rizvan Khan is a pious Moslem, and politically impartial to the hysteria of the debate, is considerable. Brought up by using his mom that there aren't any constant labels including Hindu and Moslem, however best good and bad human beings, Rizvan Khan freely practises his religion with identical love and admire for all other races and creeds, simplest differentiating among what is within the hearts and minds of humans, now not to what religion they profess, or to what race, culture and nationality they belong.

My Name is Khan is also considerable for Bollywood fanatics in that it reunites the most important heart throb couple of Hindi cinema from preceding decades, Kajol and Shah Rukh Khan. The duo was previously paired in of Karan Johar's in advance blockbusters Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (1995) and Kabhi Kushi Kabhie Gham (2001). Both of these movies had been sentimental gushy romances, literally overflowing with juicy outpourings of emotion and feeling; a phenomenon which is termed rasa in India. The song and dance sequences were also very elaborately staged and blended a stability of the traditional Indian music and dance forms (Hindustani tune and traditional folk dances) in addition to contemporary Western forms. This ensured the movies' immense reputation in both India and diaspora countries like Canada, the USA and the UK.

Karan Johar continues to utilise the Bollywood masala formula in My Name is Khan, exploiting a sentimental and once in a while drawn out love affair between the autistic hero Rizvan Khan and his eventual Hindu spouse Mandira, a proprietor of a a hit hair dressing salon in San Francisco (the "town of love" which symbolizes the 1960s counter lifestyle motion exploited through Johar inside the "We Shall Overcome" sequence). In the preliminary scenes of the movie, America is portrayed because the land of freedom and opportunity, the nation wherein all races and religions are given the opportunity to move forward and gain prosperity and happiness in a way that is visible to be nearly not possible in a rustic like conventional India, buffeted as it's miles with caste and non secular prejudices and between half of and two thirds of its population living in poverty.

For overseas nationals or NRI's (non-resident Indians), however, Sept. 11 radically adjustments this formulation and shatters the American dream nurtured for decades by using an Indian diaspora which has merged its Indian cultural roots with American beliefs of person freedom and patron prosperity. According to Johar's film, this is now the plight of the Khans who, instead of persevering with to act as fully included contributors of the mainstream community, now find themselves at the outer edge of a post-9-11"us and them" rhetoric, fuelled through an ultra-nationalist Republican President, who perceives the sector in black and white realities, that have little to do with the ordinary lives of the average character. It isn't any accident that it's miles the newly elected President Barack Obama (played by means of his appearance alike Christopher B. Duncan) who greets Rizvan Khan on the quit of the film and applauds him for his faith in God and his humanity and perseverance. For Karan Johar, Obama's election is symbolic of the "us and them" divisions within the US psyche being delivered to a close in conjunction with the restoration of the innate beliefs for which the American Republic and its people stand.

Before the nation's divisions are healed, however, the Khan's revel in intense non-public hardships due to their ethnicity. These hardships culminate within the tragic death in their teenage son Sameer, overwhelmed to death in the school playing field by way of racist youths. In her grief, Sameer's mother Mandira blames her husband Rizvan, accusing him of the truth that if she and her son had not taken the call of Khan, he would now not be dead. She then tells him that the handiest way he can make amends for this stigma of being a Khan and, by means of implication a Moslem, is to fulfill the United States President (at the time it's miles George W. Bush) and to inform him that: "My Name is Khan and I am now not a Terrorist." This easy phrase turns into a form of mantra throughout the film, powerfully confronting the viewer's post-September 11 prejudices by way of refusing to link the two standards of Islam and terrorism together: i.E. My call is Khan, therefore I am a Moslem, however on the identical time just because I am a Moslem, does this mean that I am a terrorist? Unhappily, for the duration of the hysteria that followed inside the wake of September 11 for many Westerners the two terms, Moslem and terrorist became quite plenty synonymous.

This is a movie consequently which, in contrast to its predecessors, isn't always simplest aimed at teaching Indians and West Asians (it broke all data in Pakistan), however is also geared toward teaching and enlightening Westerners. This it does in a completely diffused and didactic way, no longer simplest thru its exploitation of acquainted West Asian icons, however additionally thru its exploration of issues and photographs established to the USA and the West: the 1960s counter way of life, the plight of the coloured people in the South and references to the civil rights movement through the film's subject matter tune "We Shall Overcome." This well-known anti-establishment song from Sixties when sung in Hindi via a religious Moslem in a black gospel church offers the target audience an nearly surreal feeling of each merging and, at the equal time transcending, national, racial and socio-spiritual cultural borders: a direction to global brotherhood and solidarity which has been courageously expounded via of the 20th century's brilliant non secular leaders, India's Mahatma Gandhi and America's Martin Luther King.

Karan Johar therefore attracts upon both the Western ideals of liberty and individualism, as well as propounding the roots of West Asian non secular piety and communal solidarity. By doing this My Name is Khan proposes an alternate version of worldwide brotherhood and transnational identities and exchanges. This new worldwide model for Johar is one that attracts its notion and ideals from the grass roots level- from the terrible coloureds of Georgia, from the socially ostracised Moslems, and from the autistic and mentally handicapped. All of them are an integral a part of this international humanity and in the end the parent of Shah Rukh Khan, the most important megastar in the worldwide forum today (such as Hollywood), speaks for all of them, when he says my call is Khan and I am not a terrorist, now not an outcaste and now not a hazard to the US or the crucial values which it seeks to export to the relaxation of the sector. Rather, as pious Moslems, those like Rizvan Khan have some thing of value to contribute to america and the West, and while the ones in strength allow them to do so, the vital values which have made the US excellent can no longer most effective be maintained however extended and broadened. On the other hand, ultranationalist extremist practises will handiest create increasingly hatred and division, in order that even the ones who have assimilated the American Dream will grow to come to be its maximum sworn enemies. This is the main topic of Kabir Khan's New York, which I will briefly discuss in part of this article.

Kabir Khan's New York

Although now not as a hit on the box workplace as Karan Johar's blockbuster, Kabir Khan's New York is possibly an even more exciting example of the transnational trend in the Bollywood terrorist genre. Released in 2008, New York makes a speciality of the lives of three brand new young Indians analyzing at New York State University together. The usual Bollywood masala romance dominates the first 1/2 of the movie, specializing in a sentimental love triangle between Maya (Katrina Kaif), Sameer or Sam (John Abrahams) and Omar (Neil Mukesh). Both Katrina Kaif and John Abrahams, in addition to Irrfan Khan (gambling the FBi agent Roshan) are properly installed stars in Bollywood (Irrfan Khan also starred as the policeman who interrogates the primary protagonist in Slumdog Millionaire). And the presence of these stars, along with the solid musical score and the dramatic love triangle situation, assured the film's success despite its debatable subject. Significantly, Sam and Maya fall in love and shatter Omar's emotional world at around the same time as the two hijacked passenger planes are driven into the Twin Towers. As with My Name is Khan, real pictures of the terrorist attack at the World Trade Centre is utilised in the film.

From this factor onwards, a film which has been mainly concentrated upon a sentimental love conflict between three friends now becomes a political indictment of the Bush administration's post-9/11 terrorist policies. Sam, as part of the FBI's nationwide hunt for terror suspects, is arrested, incarcerated and tortured. These tortures are graphically depicted within the film and are apparently primarily based on actual life debts of harmless victims, who have been illegally arrested and incarcerated for no other purpose than their having the wrong ethnic historical past and spiritual persuasion. During the final credits a grim word to this impact informs the visitors of the records that: "In the days following 9-11 greater than 1200 guys of overseas origin within the US had been illegally abducted, detained and tortured for as lengthy as three years. The government did not discover proof linking a unmarried one among them to the 11th of September assault.

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snapemeadowmalfoy · 5 years

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How Dare He! (Ronald Weasley x Reader)

Warnings: Bullying, A little bit a Sexual Harassment, Swearing

(Y/N) - Your Name

(Y/L/N) - Your Last Name

P.O.V - Point of View

Intro

You were (Y/N) (Y/L/N). Yes. THE (Y/N) (Y/L/N). You belonged to a filthy rich pure blood family who everyone respected and feared. Your family was even more rich and powerful than the bloody Malfoys! Unfortunately they were racist. They loathed muggle-borns and half-bloods. You didn’t. You were sorted into Slytherin just like most of your family and were very proud of your house and riches. You didn’t mean to brag but....your were a goddess on earth. You strut up and down the hallways and left boys in a trance. It seemed like every boy wanted you and they did. You could have anybody you wanted but you only had eyes for one boy. A certain redhead. A certain Weasley. Ronald Weasley. What you don’t know is that he feels the exact same way but can never tell you out of fear of rejection and embarrassment since first year all the way to present fourth year. So what will he do when he sees a certain Slytherin trio of boys trying to get some from you?

(Y/N) P.O.V

I jogged down the hallway towards Potions class. My most hated. My father always told me that Professor Snape was a teacher I wanted to be a favorite of. I never was. I hated Snape, Snape hated me. Simple as that. And to make it worse for myself...I was late. Out of ALL classes it had to be Potions I was late to. I mentally kicked myself when I approached the door. I put my ear up against the door. Snape was talking to the class. Shit. I took a deep breath and stepped inside. Everyone turned to face me and looked absolutely horrified for me. Snape stopped mid sentance and stared daggers at me. I held my breath.

“Late today Ms. (Y/L/N)?” Snape said in his cold monotone voice. He was holding a thin black book that I recognized to be the book on Potions he gave us yesterday after class. It was given as homework that of course, I didn’t do.

“I-I’m sorry Professor. My—erm—books fell out of my bag while I was trying to get here.” I lied. I couldn’t just say that I was daydreaming about Ronald Weasley and then saw the time, Ron is in my Potions class for crying out loud!

“Then perhaps you need a new bag...or perhaps Hogwarts must install a class that could elaborate on the art-of-a-good-lie. Take your seat—Ms. (Y/L/N). Detention as well.” Snape sneered.

I sighed. Great. A god damn detention! I heard some other kids snickering but I ignored it. Snape stepped aside so I could walk down the isle of desks and find a seat for today. I looked around. All the seats were taken. Except....the one right next to Ronald Weasley. My breath caught in my throat. I had to sit next to Ron Weasley! I was certain that the whole class could hear my heart hammering through my chest.

“Well..take you seat Ms. (Y/L/N), we haven’t got all day!” Snape’s booming voice broke into my thoughts. I gulped and took the seat next to Ron. I sighed and got out my books and put them onto the desk.

“As I was saying before being so rudely interrupted..” Snape continued.

Ron’s P.O.V

(Y/N) (Y/L/N). The only bloody thing I loved more then food...was sitting right next to me. In Potions class. I felt my cheeks get hot. She was so close. Right there. I looked at her sideways. She was focused on Snape and what he was writing on the blackboard. She’s so bloody beautiful. Not only that but she’s smart, funny, brave, makes the best comebacks, humble and great at cooking! She’s the complete package. The only things were, her parents are exactly like Malfoy’s, she’s a Slytherin, filthy rich and powerful, and she has a whole school full of boys who chase after her like lovesick puppies. Even Harry likes her! Rumor has it that Malfoy does too!

“You may begin to brew the potion with your partners.” Snape broke into my thoughts and I looked at the blackboard. My heart dropped. I wasn’t paying attention at all and had no idea what was on the board or what potion we were doing today.

Everyone started to brew their potions I gulped and turned to (Y/N). She was already looking at me with those big gorgeous eyes of hers. I sighed and gave her a small smile. She smiled back and I felt like I could melt right then and there.

“Erm...w-what are we doing?” I rubbed the back of my neck. What the bloody hell Ronald? That sounded so stupid! Now she’s going to think your stupid. But instead she giggled. The most amazing sound I’ve ever heard in my life next to her voice.

“We’re gonna brew a small healing potion. It seems pretty simple though. Don’t worry Ron, I’ll help you.” (Y/N) spoke soothingly and smiled again. I swear this (Y/L/N) girl will be the death of me.

~~~~~

(Y/N) P.O.V

Eventually Ron and I finished the potion. We had a good time brewing it. We talked and joked around. Ron told me the story as to why he has a deathly fear of spiders. I laughed and he got very flustered. It was cute. Eventually we got to the topic of me having so many boys chasing me. I tried to turn the conversation towards him more than me and it worked.

“So who do you like?” I asked as casually as I could without having my voice tremble.

“U-um...” Ron went red but he smiled a little. “T-this one girl....” His voice trailed off.

“Oh.” My heart dropped a little. “Do I know her?”

“Y-yes..” Ron mumbled and looked down at his desk.

“Am I friends with her?” I wanted to figure out who this girl was.

“I-I think so...yeah.” Ron nodded.

“What’s she like?”

“W-well...s-she’s beautiful. So beautiful. The most gorgeous girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. She’s bloody brilliant too! Good in all her classes. She’s really brave and absolutely stunning, makes the best comebacks and just...well perfect. So many boys want her. I just wish I could give her who she deserves.”

Must be Hermione. I felt a wave of sadness and jealousy overtake me. What made it worse was Hermione was my friend. One of my best. I tried my best to put on my best fake smile.

“She sounds perfect. I’m sure every girl would want to be her. Heh heh.” I tried to laugh but I couldn’t. So instead I smiled.

Ron chuckled and looked into my eyes. “I’m sure they would.”

After Snape checked our potion and his bias ass gave Slytherin 10 points for a potion well done, the bell rang. I gathered up my books as quickly as I could. I slung my bag over my shoulder and made my way out of the classroom.

“W-wait! Hey (Y/N)!” I heard Ron call after me but I ignored him and kept walking. I didn’t want him to see me cry if I suddenly started. Since Potions was the last class of the day I decided to walk off my sadness. Ron doesn’t like me back. All of this things he described to be the girl her liked, it was all Hermione! I sighed and stopped by a wall to put my quill back in my bag. I walked out of Potions with it in my hand and never got a chance to put it back. I knelt on the floor and opened up my bag. I heard some boys coming my way but I figured they were just passing by. Until a pair of feet came into my view. I zipped up my bag and stood up to meet the blonde everyone knew too well, the one and only Draco Malfoy. On his left, Crabbe and his right, Goyle. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

“What do you want Malfoy.” I spoke with annoyance.

Malfoy and his gang were the only people in the school who hated me it seemed. I never knew what they had against me. Probably because I was the only rich pure blood who had racist parents and still hung out with “mud bloods and blood traitors.”

“What I want (Y/L/N) is for you to stop risking us house points” Malfoy sneered.

“When will you learn that when I’m late it’s none of your business.” I tried to walk away but he blocked me. “What’s your issue?” I scowled.

“My issue is you and all of these other guys who think they can take you from me.” Malfoy glares at me.

What the hell is he saying?! “What the fuck do you mean take me from you? We’re not even dating!” I scoffed. “Now get out of me way!”

I tried to walk away again but instead of just blocking me, Malfoy grabbed my shoulders and pinned me to the wall. What the hell is he doing?!

“You know (Y/N), your a very exquisite girl. You deserve the best. Someone like me who won’t taint your children with filthy mud blood.” Malfoy smirked. “Also, with a body like that you might just watch you virginity slip between you fingers...I for one promise that it will be in safe hands if you hand it over to me tonight.” Malfoy whispered in my ear and bit it.

I couldn’t believe my god damn ears! Malfoy really DID have it bad for me! But I hate him! What does he think I’m supposed to be, some slut? If it was a slut he desired, he could go find Parkinson!

Ron’s P.O.V

What did I do?! I screwed everything up! I said too much and now she hates me! My worst nightmare came true and I couldn’t handle it. The girl that I absolutely love and would die for hates me. I sighed as I walked down the corridor. I checked the time. It’s nearly cerfew and I still haven’t seen (Y/N). I just needed to make sure she got to her common room okay.

“NO! NEVER YOU! GET OFF ME!”

(Y/N)

I ran to the source of her voice. I found her, she wasn’t alone. Malfoy and his posse had her. She was pinned to the wall by Malfoy and it looked like....no. Malfoy had his hand on her ass.

“Ooo fiesty are we? Great news for you babygirl, the more fiesty you get, the more screaming you’ll be doing later on~” Malfoy chuckled. Crabbe and Goyle laughed at this.

“MALFOY!” I screamed down the hall.

Malfoy turned to me and scowled. “Get lost Weasley! This is none of your concern!”

“Ron! Please help me he’s going to-“

Malfoy covered her mouth. “Oh I see. Your dating a Weasley? A Weasley when you could easily have me? Your absolutely daft (Y/N). So go on and tell Weasley that you prefer me instead! Actually..I’ll do it so you can save your voice for tonight~” At that, I saw (Y/N) tear up.

That’s it. I walked over to Malfoy and punched him square in the jaw. He stumbled backwards but caught his footing. He clutched his jaw groaning in pain. Crabbe and Goyle were at his side trying to help him up.

“Get off me you idiots!” Malfoy snarled at them.

(Y/N) backed away from the wall and Malfoy. I immediately grabbed her and held her close to me wrapping one arm around her and the other arm to point my wand at them.

All three of them stared at me with wide terrified eyes.

“IF YOU TOUCH HER AGAIN, I PROMISE I WILL KNOW. AND IF YOU DO, I’LL KILL YOU! ALL THREE OF YOU THICKHEADS!” I screeched at them.

“Y-you’ve gone mad-“ Malfoy tried to speak but I cut him off.

“I HAVE GONE MAD HAVEN’T I MALFOY? STAY AWAY FROM HER!”

I felt (Y/N) clutch onto my shirt. She was shivering and I felt wetnesss on me which told me she was crying. I backed away from Malfoy and his gang with (Y/N), still pointing my wand at them. We reached a corner and I put my wand away. I led (Y/N) to the Gryffindor common room. I figured she’d better sleep there for the night until it’s safer for her to go back to her common room.

“Banana Fritters” I said to the portrait. It opened to my command and I lead (Y/N) inside. Everyone was already asleep so I sat her on the couch. She was no longer shivering but she looked distraught.

“(Y-Y/N)?”

(Y/N) looked up at me and burst into tears instantly.

“No no no shhh. Shhh. It’s alright.” I pulled her close to me and hugged her. (Y/N) tried to muffle her sobs in my shirt. The sound of her crying like this broke my heart. This was by far the worst sound ever. By the time she was done crying we were silently hugging each other on the Gryffindor common room couch in front of the fire. Her head rested on my tear soaked shirt with her arms wrapped around my waist. Her breathing was now steady instead of sniffling. One of my arms was around her shoulders while my other hand rested on her head stroking her hair slowly. Lovingly.

(Y/N) P.O.V

Is this a dream? Ron was stroking my hair and we were cuddling in the Gryffindor Common Room after he just made a death threat to Draco Malfoy who he caught sexually harassing me. I don’t wanna wake up then.

“You alright now?” Ron said softly above me.

“Y-yeah. I think so.” I mumbled.

“I’ve never seen you cry before.” Ron said slowly.

“I’ve never seen you make a death threat either so I guess we’re even.” I smirked.

Ron chuckled.

“Wait...y-you made a legit death threat. To Draco Malfoy. You could have just told him to piss off or something you know?”

Ron went quiet but eventually said “I saw what he was doing to you though. He wasn’t going to get away that easily. Right foul git he is! How dare he! Do something like that to a girl? Do that to you? To my girl?”

My girl? “ R-Ron? Y-you said...my girl?” I torn myself from him to sit across from Ron. I stared at him.

Ron’s P.O.V

No no no no no! That was NOT supposed to be said aloud! “ I- I said my girl?”

“Yeah” (Y/N) gazed at me with interest.

I felt my cheeks get red hot. I stared at the fire.

“Ron? Is there something you want to tell me?”

What did I do? Bloody hell Ronald Weasley! Get yourself together! No more hiding there isn’t a point anymore just say it!

“Yes a-actually..” I started.

“Yes?”

“I-I...um”

I glanced at (Y/N). She was looking at me with those eyes I can’t stand. The big innocent ones. I took a deep breath and met her gaze.

“So in first year we had our first Charms class and remember how you helped me more than Hermione and Harry did? From then on I liked you. A lot. I watched all of the other boys and how they would chase you and the girls and how they got so jealous of you all the time. How all of the professors love you , except Snape of course but he hates everyone, how Harry swoons over you and I just thought that I would never be enough to match you standards for a man or a boyfriend and I never confessed until now. I saw your beauty and your brightness and your kindness. Others saw your riches and your body like Malfoy did. I never thought that you would like me back so I-“

She cut me off with a kiss. It caught me off guard but I melted into it. It just felt...right. Her fingers ran through my hair as our lips danced in the fire lit Gryffindor Common Room. Her lips were soft and supple. She moved to sit on my lap. I licked her bottom lip to ask for entry and she let me in. Our tongues fought for dominance. (Y/N) moaned lightly as we did this. I ended up winning. We pulled back to breathe. (Y/N) put her head on my shoulder and I held her close to me.

“I love you too Ronald Weasley.” she whispered. “I don’t care if you aren’t the richest guy in Hogwarts and I don’t care if my parents don’t like your family or you. I still love you. Forever.”

I smiled. “That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Besides Harry saying that he’ll buy the whole lot first year.” (Y/N) giggled at that and kissed me again.

Hey! Sorry it was a little long but I hope you liked it! It was also my first so sorry if it’s not that good 😅

- Rivera

P.S

Requests are open

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teamwindsorroyals · 5 years

Text

I am personally annoyed as hell with the people saying shes faking the pregnancy. I don’t care for Markle but she is pregnant no doubt. I do think she was padding early on though.

Another note, I don’t like some of the articles that have been put out against her as some have had racial undertones but others have been legit criticisms that Kate has also gotten and people still label that as racist which it isn’t. I even had one person accuse me of jealousy and racism when I said that Meghans spending was bad optics. Apparently saying something is “bad optics” means your jealous and racist. I understand royals want to look like “royalty” but there’s simply no reason to spend 500k on clothes in less than a year on clothes.

I think it’s sad to see her fans have this misconception about royalty and think royals have to spend thousands on top designer brands just to look ‘royal’ when that’s simply not the case. It’s like they think the royal family is the live version of all the disney films where they need to be in jewels all the time or something. It’s like they don’t realize that’s there’s good brands, good quality clothes that don’t cost thousands and you can still look like a royal. It’s not just the clothes, it’s also the way the royal carries themselves and takes care of themselves. Showing up to an engagement with a messy bun and ill-fitted clothes isn’t a good look. People think it’s “chic” but this is royalty not hollywood or high school. They also say that her spending is justified with the amount of engagements shes doing but that is also NOT justified. This is where Meghan needs to take a page out of Kate’s book and realize that there are certain events that do not require a 5k outfit. The other excuse is “building royal wardrobe” like really? No other royal has had the need to spend 500k in one year on clothes & they do more engagements than she does.

My other note, I don’t think the marriage will last. I never thought it would last since the statement was put out. Harry always seemed like the type who would be the one to divorce atleast twice. Hes not stable like his brother & unfortunately never has been. I definitely see divorce rumors by next year.

I don’t consider myself one of those crazy tinhatters but I didn’t need anyone to tell me this marriage was doomed from the beginning. They both rushed into things and had too many misconceptions about married life. There’s too many other red flags as well. It’s a shame.

I’ve stood up for Meghan regarding some of the racial undertoned articles but in regards to the sexist & classist articles, her fans should be looking in the mirror with how they treat Kate & the Middletons before bitching about the “sexist & classist” articles against Meghan. The shit they’ve called Kate & the Middletons is disgusting especially when they turn around and bitch about a “sexist” article against Markle, like really? Kate has been bashed for over a decade, so Meghan fans need to grow the fuck up and realize that all royal wives get hammered by the press.

Cont.

I’m not saying all crap articles against Meghan are warranted but her fans are absolutely atrocious.

They’ve called Kate & Carole sluts, hags, crinkly bitches etc all over twitter and then five minutes later will tweet an article thats “sexist” against Meghan and will go into pure rage. Clearly these fans haven’t seen the crap Kate has been put through and those who say that they have, yet still complain on articles about Meghan, are the biggest liars.

Her fans refuse to accept any ounce of negativity towards Meghan and that right there is toxic and the definition of a cult! It’s unhealthy.

Her fans think she’s been treated unfairly yet she got an engagement with the Queen right off the bat, a more expensive wedding than the future King/Queen that the RF paid for no less, christmas with the RF as a fiance as well as other engagements as a fiance that nobody else got, she got quite a few patronages from the Queen within 6 months of marrying. Shes gotten so much that others haven’t, her fans have no room to complain. She’s spending more than any other royal and her fans say shes being treated unfairly? PU-LEASE!!

ok I’ve done my rant for the day.

************

Hi, Anon, Thanks for your submission 😊 I’m just going to edit in my reply.

*********

OK, I resorted to going on my desktop as my phone was driving me crazy. Probably better as I’m a fast typist.

I started my Tumblr five years ago. When Cressida and Prince Harry broke up, I chose to not rebrand my Tumblr. I’m happy with the various themes I tend to share. Of course if there is anything about Cressida that I want to share, I do. I thought she was (and she is) a class act and her family are fascinating. They’re this fascinating, blended (as in half siblings) family who are related by marriage to the equally fascinating Bransons.

So five years ago and later, I did check Twitter more. But TBH I prefer Tumblr as people curate interesting content here. Some of it is recent and some of it is historical. And some of the Tumblr users in the Royal Fandom are extremely knowledgeable. I’ve learnt a lot! I also prefer the more visual format.

I do use Twitter just a touch and recently I had someone send a tweet my way with vitriol about CB? Why? What is CB to this person? I checked that person’s Twitter feed and it was a whole bunch of obsessive nonsense in support of one Royal and against everyone else. I think if you’re thinking about a celebrity or royal that much, you simply have too much time on your hands and you need a hobby. I don’t even bother engaging with such people. It’s an immediate call for blocking.

I was surprised the other day to read someone’s comment that they were too young to remember PW and the DofC’s wedding. Wow! That set me back a bit. Lately, people have been sharing videos showing what the DofC went through with the hoardes of paparazzi while she was dating for the better part of a decade. I think it’s important to know that about her. Chelsy also had these issues. And for two years Cressida had to struggle with it as well and still experiences the after effects of her dating PH years.

I think that you can compare the Middletons and MM. Both sides are self made in their own way. The Middletons are the British version of living the American Dream. MM made a meteoric leap from being a suitcase woman in a slinky dress to a supporting actress and aspirational lifestyle blogger/Instagrammer. From there she parlayed her way into circles in little ol Toronto that included every person in town who knows PH. Plus she was chummy with JT (Justin Trudeau). She certainly knows how to work her social connections. So if you don’t like the Middletons for their “rise” in society, then you can’t like MM, and vice versa.

I’m not sure why people choose to hurl such vitriol at the Middletons. And with such language. And I’ve seen the B word put under MM’s photo too along with a lot of critique about her looks. I always cringe when I hear the age 40 hurled at her as if it’s an insult. If these people are not someone’s cup of tea, fine. Then focus on something else.

As for MM, it was PH’s choice to want to get married after a relatively short courting period that was mostly done at a distance. I think that they should have waited longer. But they made the decision and now they need to make it work as they continue to get to know each other.

My rule of thumb is to never write anything about anyone - including Royals - that you wouldn’t say to their face.

Also, I think if you are fan and you want your favourite Royal to survive in the BRF over the long run, you should encourage harmony and getting along. On the side of the fandom and hopefully wishing for the same within the BRF. You should celebrate the positive and not encourage division.

Of course there is room for constructive critique. MM said she wasn’t really aware of the BRF before she got married. (TBH I don’t believe that.) But many fans have been following the BRF for years and even decades. Of course that is looking in from the outside. But they’ve seen all the drama unfold and know that while it’s not easy to marry into a large and affluent family, it’s even harder to marry into something like the BRF. As is the case with most large and wealthy families, individuals are in their own silos looking after their own concerns and interests. You have to tread carefully so as not to threaten anybody or step on their toes. So if MM is making repeated missteps and outsiders can see them, it’s fair to call out the problems.

Leaking to the press? Not a good idea. Being seen to be more demanding of staff members or spending more money than others? Also not a good idea. Of course these just might be spin jobs from other camps but we know how perception is 9/10s of reality as far as onlookers are concerned. I think it’s better to put your head low and keep a simple profile. They say a good leader will join a company and will spend six months walking the halls and getting to know the employees before making any major changes.

It’s also been my observation that whether you’re Prince Philip, Princess Diana, the Duchess of Cornwall or the Duchess of Cambridge, if you’ve married into the BRF you can’t take the spotlight away from your spouse. That’s just how it works. If you choose to not heed this advice, you will encounter push back.

The fashion part is an interesting one. I don’t like this notion of “oh there’s an event tomorrow. Let’s see what the young and senior female royal is wearing”. They aren’t clothes hangers. Their first priority is to visit a charity or represent a charity. Promoting a fashion brand (hopefully from the Commonwealth) is an extra perk. Many of the senior BRF wear expensive clothes - both casual and fancy. The Duchess of Cornwall is very well dressed and is a leading example of looking fabulous in her 70s. Even the casual clothes they wear can be expensive. EG boy are the Le Chameau rainboots that the DofC wears expensive. But then for the average person, most of those clothes are expensive. Even a L350 dress would seem too much. And if the Royals had to wear dresses under L100 for example, like most of us do, they would have to choose from over priced and poorly constructed dresses made out of thin fabric. (Such is the reality of fast fashion these days. The struggle is real when we hit the shops. I prefer thrift stores, as a result.)

I don’t think they have to wear clothes from Britain and the Commonwealth all the time but, if you think about it, there’s a vast array of options from Britain and the Commonwealth. There are some gorgeous clothes out there that could inject interest into Brand Britain and also designers from other countries. MM has worn some Canadian brands and that’s great. But it’s a good idea to switch it up and not look like she might be connected to Jessica Mulroney’s business interests. That perception is out there strongly and that needs to be axed. If JM is offering styling advice for free, you have to ask - what is the benefit for JM financially?

I’m a bit surprised by the amount of negative press circulating right now. Maybe that’s the reality of having so many more fast moving and soft news outlets like social media. I hope that it will get better after the Sussex baby is born. Maybe having the Sussexes move off into a little cottage in the woods of Windsor is a good idea after all.

Thanks for your submission. I hope I expanded on the main topics you raised.

#brf #prince phillip #princess margaret #duchess of sussex #duchess of cambridge #duke of cambridge #duchess of cornwall #british royal family #kate middleton #meghan markle #british fashion #prince harry #submission

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addicted2electronics · 5 years

Text

A Tour

Today, I’ve experienced a lot of sadness.

I was woken up by my younger sister, telling me it was 6:40 or something among the lines..

Then my brother was yelling at her, once our mother came in the room he said that she was yelling at us for 30 minutes. I didn’t want to get up, and I didn’t say anything.

I’m the oldest, by the way.

Then once I got up, I was given 6 bucks so that I could get food. Then we got in the car.

It was raining. I didn’t have my phone with me because I left it somewhere else.

We made it to my school and I was late. I had to go in to get a tardy slip, and the electronic dispenser wasn’t working, so I got a little extra late while waiting for that.

Then I got to my class, Algebra 1 B. The back seats were taken, and that’s where I usually sit to avoid the laughter and the grins that feel like are directed at me, but I’m really not sure.

I had a quiz. Tried napping, but didn’t. I finished it and I feel like I got the content down pretty well, I’m sure I got a high grade. Most of the time, though, I could just feel the grin of the two boys next to me, and they were just pounding down on my patience.

Class ended, as it should. I walked with my shoulders and head up. At least, it felt like my shoulders and head were up. I walked up the stairs to double check whether or not my Wellness class was in the gym, and turns out, it was. So I walked back downstairs.

While walking downstairs, there was this kid with black hair and mixed skin. He does some stuff that I would never do myself, but I just tell him not to get caught. He was a little aggressive at the beginning of the year, but I made friends with him, telling him that I wasn’t his enemy. Now he has my back.

At least, it seems like that. I’m glad I made friends with him.

I walk down to the gym and everything goes on, we sit down, and this girl next to me just doesn’t stop talking.

I go to complain to one of my “friends,” but the upfront person he is, he just tells me that he straight-up doesn’t care. I’m a little bitter, now, I try and go to talk to a girl that I wanna be friends with, but she says she’s occupied.

I go to do sit-ups, and my friend accidentally hits me in the face. He comes over and laughs, asking if I’m okay. I just say “I got hit in the head.” He head off and hit me by accident on the back a third time.

Today isn’t going well.

I’m becoming self-aware. Is it because of the way I look? Do I smell bad? I haven’t taken a shower in a couple of days, I must stink. I don’t want anyone else to smell it, so it was a bit of dilemma for me. After a couple of attempts to socialize, I eventually give up and sit up against a wall, secluded off to the side. Some guy that I clapped in smash brothers comes over and he’s like “are you okay?” Something along the lines. I say that I’m fine.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“Yes.”

The bell is close to ringing. I get up and grab my stuff, and it’s really going downhill for me. I don’t have my phone to complain to my friends.

I start to identify why I’m upset. The people that I want to talk to aren’t talking to me, and I’m growing lonely and depressed because of it.

I get to English. I sit down and just start looking at dog memes after being told to rest for a moment by the teacher.

The Lunch bell rings. I sigh, close my laptop, grab my Lunch money, and tell my teacher I’m not feeling the best. She tells me that she cares, but she has to talk about it later.

I get out of class, and so does the teacher. I slip in my reasoning for my emotions while I walk. Then I go back downstairs, to the first floor.

Maybe it’s because I look too intimidating. I didn’t feel like smiling, so I just raised my eyebrows.

I then get to the lunchroom. I grab my food and pay for it, and my best friend is at the front of the line. I walk up to him, and I say “The one person that can make me smile today.” Of course, I was genuinely smiling, and he did so as well. I went to sit down with him and we started talking, I started complaining..

Lunch ended pretty soon. Because Lunch started in the middle of English. I start reading through the book that was assigned to me, “The Hate U Give.” I hate a lot of the people in this book, especially this racist girl Hailey. I’m scowling in class, wanting to go the the bathroom and punch something.

I go to the bathroom. I don’t punch anything, but I swear to myself a couple of times. I go back to class and it ends a little bit afterwards. Now, alongside of having to do my Math notes, I also have to finish a chapter for the book I’m reading in class..

I walk to Creative writing. This was a lot longer than I may be painting it, but I dunno, I just want to get it out. I see one guy that I’m interested in, and maybe he detects that I’m upset, I dunno. I tell him that it’s an off day, he asks why, I tell him it’s because nobody was talking to me. He points out that I was talking to someone while coming to class, but that was an exception from the whole day. I sit down with them, though it isn’t my assigned table. I’m told to move back. I’m starting to feel terrible. I write down my emotions disguised as written work. Nobody hears them. I begin to think.. my book is due on Friday, the second book for the whole semester but the one for this class.. I haven’t even started on it. I begin to stress out as the teacher puts up the main assignment for the day, shedding a coupe of tears silently. I make my eyes only visible to the teacher, but she doesn’t acknowledge them at all.

I pass out.

A couple of minutes later, it’s time for us to go, and I begin waking up. I stand near the teacher, also where the guy and this other girl I’m friends with are standing. The girl just walks off without acknowledging me and so does the guy. I’m just standing there as I tell myself it’s an off day. I’m in that odd state of mind that you get when you wake up and you’re just neutral for a good 3 minutes.

The 3 minutes expire. I start getting upset. I see my middle school friend and my ex talking. Neither of them seem to care much about me at the moment. I turn and apologize to the teacher for passing out in class, she says that I didn’t pass out in class. I tell her sorry for slacking on the work. She tells me she’ll help my table out.

I walk out of class, slow as all living hell. I’m in no rush.

I walk in on the bus. My ex, who I’m still friends with, is sitting on the bus. I try to sit next to her like I do some days, but she tells me that she’s saving the seat.

I walk towards the back, there’s this kid that looks like he’s in 6th or early 7th grade, super skinny. He’s like “you ain’t sitting here.”

I sit on his legs. He kicks me off. He starts yelling, calling me a little hoe, saying that he doesn’t have room to move as I sit back on the seat. I move my legs to let him move. I tell him that he’s doing this to himself.

He starts trying to talk to me about my ex, and he doesn’t know I broke up with her. I didn’t tell him anything. Somebody in front of him says something and he’s like “I’m trying to ask flip-phone about his girlfriend.” I had thoughts of hitting this kid, but I didn’t. I turned to him and said “I don’t wanna talk to 45-degree-angle-nose.” A bit of a mouthful, but it gets the point across.

I endure a bus ride. My stop comes up. The kid’s like “bye!”

I said “I’m sorry for sitting on your leg. Have a nice day.”

I think I surprised him. “It’s okay. You’re alright.” He mutters after a moment.

I get off the bus and just stand on the sidewalk until the bus drives off, until this couple walks off, until I feel alone and spaced out enough.

My eyebrows furrow and my mouth perks down.

My mom asks me how I am, I tell her I’m not doing very well. I don’t get into it very far.

Then I type my story about today online, hoping I get some positive, wanted attention and maybe some sympathy.

I know for a fact that I can be very petty and pathetic.

#vent post #diary #personal #depression #anger

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knightofbalance-13 · 6 years

Text

No Dudeblade, that’s just your reflection.

http://dudeblade.tumblr.com/post/176667343064/jaune-fails-so-much

Take a shot each time Dudeblade lies or misinterprets a scene.

And here’s why his failures are worse than the other characters’.

My guess the list consists of:

Racism.

Sexism.

And projection.

It’s because jaune’s intended character was to be an audience surrogate. Like I alluded to in a different post, jaune seems to be there to insult the audience.

As I said:

The insult only exists in your head. No one else sees this because you’re delusional.

I wish to expand on that.

Not hard to understand.

“I’m racist against white people”

“I’m sexist against men.”

“I want to kill Miles Luna.”

That’s all there is to it. I’ve long since learned you people are nowhere near as complex as I assume people to be.

“So, wait; you won’t capitalize Jaune’s name in the post, but you’ll do it for the title?”

Stan, it’s the first letter of the title. Be happy that this is fairly recent. I might hate jaune, but my appreciation for good grammar and punctuation exceeds my disdain for him… sorta. I don’t capitalize his name after other punctuation outside of the title.

Dudeblade, you don’t even use good grammer on your fucking fanfic.

“Okay, so I looked through your stuff, and you have like… an entire tag dedicated to ripping on jaune. I think you have issues.”

The guy is an audience surrogate. Said audience surrogate cheated his way in the school because he wanted to be a hero. It wasn’t “So I could save people.” It wasn’t “So that I can travel the world and help people while doing that.” It wasn’t “So that I can try to help the oppressed.” It was “So that I could be a hero.” It makes me feel that the writers think the following:

A) That we, as the audience, aren’t good enough to make it into the school on our own ability.

And B) That we would want to join a prestigious school just to become a hero. Some of us would be more selfless than that.

He only wants the glory of being a hero. He doesn’t really want to actually do the heroic things that would make him a hero.

So jaune insults the audience through his actions and motivations. But since we’re ordinary people, surely the person representing us would have to face realistic consequences if we were to do the same actions as jaune, correct?

A. What Stanly would be saying here would be: “You preach Fiction is Reality, want to kill Jaune and cannot separate him from Miles Luna. You even refuse to capitalize his name like Jaune’ s AND we know what that means from you (http://dudeblade.tumblr.com/post/164274588366/dont-capitalize-donald-trumps-name). You’re fucked in the head. End of story.”

B. Jaune has outright said that his parents never had faith in him. Wouldn’t it be logical that they PREVENTED him from going to a Huntsmen school? ... I just broke your whole issue with Jaune didn’t I?

C. Jaune wanted to be a hero NOT for the glory of it but because he felt a desire to live up to his ancestors. No ambiguity, he DIRECTLY states this. And this is actually a very common motivation among people, a desire to live up to what their predecessors did out of a form of respect.

D. Jaune isn’t suppose to be a perfect reflection of the audience, he has his own character dumbass. It’s what he is generally, someone out of their depth but tries their damndest while still being clueless, is what is suppose to be the audience. And considering most of the audience has no combat training like Jaune: That’s pretty fucking accurate.

And E. This sounds more like you Dudeblade. You want the glory of a writer without actually IMPROVING as a writer. Me thinks you hate Jaune because he hits a bit close to home.

I have a feeling where this is going…”

NOPE! jaune gets covered by Pyrrha and never has to answer for his cheating ways!- Like how the audience would get a hyper-competent amazon to cover for them.

Or how about how jaune was apparently allowed to keep asking Weiss out despite her straightforward ‘no’ and how he wasn’t really portrayed as in the wrong for that.

Let me go ahead and replace Stanly here:

A. Stan: “So the audience should expect that no one will ever act like their friend and help them out so they should try to everything on their own...which is exactly what Jaune did and showed was a bad idea?”

B. Stan: “What about when Weiss goes and demands that Neptune be beaten up by team NDGO for flirting with them?”

Dudeblade: “... She’s a woman.”

Stan: “And that’s sexism.”

“Oh come one! That’s how all teenage guys act. Doesn’t mean- wait! Did you just say that he wasn’t portrayed as being in the wrong for that?”

Yes I did, Stanly. jaune was met with sympathy from other characters for Weiss’ rejection. Yang even said “Maybe next time.”

Yang also said that Weiss’ rejection of jaune was the reason why she was called ‘ice queen.’ Weiss has every right to reject jaune. And if a straightforward ‘no’ isn’t enough, then what is?

She slammed the door in his face for crying out loud!

Stan: “What about how Weiss went and assumed Jaune’s motives without actually talking to the guy? What if a guy just rejected a girl thinking she’s just a slut?”

Dudeblade: “...”

Stan: “You can’t answer that without being sexist can you?”

“Okay, but admittedly, the narrative does make that a funny scene at the expense of Jaune when Weiss slams the door in his face. That’s got to be worth something.”

Sure, but he deliberately lied when he was asked if he wasn’t going to ask her out again, and we’re just supposed to… let that slide?- The narrative didn’t seem all too eager to make jaune out to be the one in the wrong there. Instead, we’re supposed to sympathize with jaune, and feel bad that he got told ‘no.’

Stan: “That was a joke. By that same logic, Weiss is a Yandere who wants every guy she likes to be beaten up for showing interesting in other guys.”

Dudeblade: “A-”

Stan: “And even then, HE was the one who had to learn a lesson and humble himself! So even if he’s suppose to be sympathetic, he’s still in the wrong!”

Dudeblade: “...”

Stan: “You are really bad at this.”

“So the problem isn’t that he kept trying, it was the lack of the narrative saying that he was wrong for constantly trying?”

Yep. In fact, since jaune is supposed to be the audience surrogate, it could easily be interpreted by younger audiences that you can keep asking out a girl, and not face consequences. That’s harassment. Just because it wasn’t the intention, that doesn’t change the fact that that’s what it amounted to.

The fact that jaune doesn’t face consequences makes it hard to relate to him. In fact…

Stan: “... yeah, I already showed why that’s shit. Also: Cardin, Neptune, Cinder.”

“Oh no. Are you going back to that whole ‘he started the fight and got rewarded for charging in on his emotions while Yang got punished for doing the same when she wanted to save Blake but Jaune just wanted revenge’ rant again?”

……… Well thanks for stealing my thunder. So instead, I’m going to a different talking point.

The part where apparently he’s tired of ‘losing everything’ (Despite Ren, Nora, Ruby, Weiss, Blake, and Yang losing far more) but then later, he’s willing to let Tyrian attack Ruby without so much as a scream of defiance.

Stan: “Hey Dudeblade, remember that remark about Taiyang being an Armchair critic? Well, isn’t quite the armchair critic thing to do to say what someone who has suffered in a war should and shouldn’t be doing?”

Dudeblade: “No-!”

Stan: “So which is it? Is Jaune right or is Taiyang right?”

Dudeblade: “...” *falls to the ground, gargling on his own bile*

Stan: “Yeah, saw that coming.”

“Wait… What are you talking about?”

The part where he looked away. This is a guy who charged a Nevermore weaponless to save Pyrrha back in volume 3, right? But he just… stands there. As if he’s waiting for Tyrain to take Ruby away from them. Then later he blames Qrow for everything bad that happened. Which, while he is right, he didn’t seem to have a problem when Ozpin showed up a volume later, despite it Pyrrha’s death being more Ozpin’s fault than Qrow’s. jaune was right to be mad, but considering that he was being ungrateful towards Qrow when he literally was the one who save Ruby single-handedly (literally in that case), but when Ozpin shows up, he has… no grudge?

And the most scathing thing we see is the rest of the team giving him glares.

Stan: “Yeah-has it not occurred to you that Jaune knows he can’t go after Ozpin without hurting Oscar, an innocent? Or is this a fucked if Jaune does, fucked if Jaune doesn’t situation because you don’t actually care about what happens?”

Dudeblade: *still gargling on his bile*

Stan: “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Maybe he was told off off-screen.”

That’s bad writing though. What’s the point of doing something on-screen if they’re going to face consequences off-screen? Resolving conflicts off-screen makes little sense because having the characters face consequences on-screen helps us to see them grow. And seeing them grow helps us connect with them more. Certainly much more than simply telling us that they’ve grown. If they were talking about a physical aspect, that would be one thing. But they literally had Ren just say that they grew in character. Which… pretty much erased all that growth. If you have to pretty much directly tell the audience that you’ve grown as a character, then you haven’t really grown at all.

Dudeblade: “Okay, I’m back. And I am gonna KI-”

Stan: “Storm Hawks did this too.”

Dudeblade: *goes back to gargling his bile*

Stan: “Also people have been noticing these changes for an entire Volume before Ren said it. Even so, You still haven’t debunked my previous argument so Jaune could still just not be involving an innocent person.”

“So, what does this have to with Jaune?”

Thanks for getting me back on track. The way this connects with jaune is that he hasn’t really grown at all. He’s still that hotheaded, entitled, whiny, consequence-free brat that we saw back in volume 1. He hasn’t grown, and that’s the problem. He keeps acting as if Pyrrha’s death mattered only to him, and that’s a problem. Ruby isn’t allowed to mourn because she has to keep it all in so that jaune can brood.

Stan: “... Jaune has stopped hitting on Weiss, Jaune WASN’T hotheaded in Vplumes 1-3, Jaune is more willing to call people out and HE EVEN FUCKING SAYS RUBY LOST PYRRHA TOO YOU IDIOT!”

“Didn’t you say that a big problem with Pyrrha is the lack of connections with other characters?- Wouldn’t it make sense for her loss to be only mourned by the only character she actually interacted with?”

Ruby saw her die though. Not only that, she also saw her kill Penny. Shouldn’t Ruby be having conflicting feelings for her? I mean… if Pyrrha’s death was what set off Ruby’s silver-eyes-machina, then shouldn’t that mean that she obviously has feelings and opinions about her death?- But no. Because it’s jaune that needs to brood, Ruby has to hold it all in.

jaune taking away character development from other characters makes it harder to connect with him, since he’s only ‘developing’ himself. He doesn’t develop Pyrrha, he doesn’t develop Ruby, he doesn’t develop Ren or Nora- he’s just a screentime black hole who alienate the audience by never facing consequences that the audience would realistically face.

Stan: “Yeah, We already know this is all bullshit. And Jaune has had LESS focus than fucking Illa. So bullshit.”

Wait… So why do people still project onto him?”

Because he’s a wish fulfillment character. He’s there to say that you can cheat your way into a school, and get an amazon to not only cover for you, but also get one to slobber over your dick. He’s there to tell the audience that you’ll get respect from a girl you kept asking out as long as you tell the person she wanted to take out to dance with her. He’s there to tell the audience that they can rush in based on their emotions to get revenge and never face consequences for it.

He’s just there to be a wish fulfillment character. And since his original creation was to make him the audience surrogate, that makes him a conflicting character. He is meant to be one thing, but ends up being another. Which is why he fails as a character. Both in his role, and as an actual realistic character.

Stan: “Yeah and guess what? He’s there to say that you will be mocked endlessly by everyone around you, always get rejected by the girl you like in the cruelest way possible even after you tried to SAVE HER LIFE, that women can be basically stalkerish but god forbid you ask someone out twice, that you’ll be beaten and tossed around like a ragdoll while earning the respect of none, that your feelings are secondary to everyone else’s, that no matter what you do nothing will EVER go right in your life. Real fucking great wish fulfillment.

But that just goes to show how fucking delusional you are, that you will outright DENY REALITY just to suit your wants and desires. You want to be racist/sexist/socipathic? Claim the white boy is a self insert so you can bash a man until he hates his job because he was born the wrong gender/skin tone.

Face facts, Dudeblade, because even a Strawman like me can see it: You’re a psycho. You’re fucked in the head. Face reality.”

#dudeblade

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crewhonk · 6 years

Text

We’ll Talk Tomorrow.

Word Count: 1,838

Warnings: Implied smut, Swearing, (a little bit of angst at the end?)

Pairings: Billy Hargrove X You

Summary: In the early stages of your relationship with the Keg King himself, you happen across information that may change things.

Masterlist

When you parked next to Billy Hargrove in the spring of ’84 you never thought anything would come of it, but when you found him pummelling Tommy H. on the side of your 1970 Ford Escort you knew you’d finally have to interact with him.

“Stop, stop! What the hell do you to think you’re doing?!” Pulling the two apart, you glared at both of them. Billy, only four inches taller than you was breathing hard and was wiping away the blood that was falling into his eye. Tommy, who was half a foot taller than you, was already having bruised bloom across his face and his lips were cut in several different places because of the chunky rings Billy was wearing.

“He was talking to Carol behind my back.” Tommy snarled, stepping closer to you and jabbing a finger in the direction of his opponent.

“And you think beating Billy up is going to fix it?!” You replied, pushing him away from you with your pointer finger, “take a walk, Thomas.”

“But he had no right to be talk—“

“Take a walk. Thomas.” You said, staring him down until he rolled his eyes and turned on his heel. You had known him since you were little fetuses, and while you had never been close with him, your gentle nature forced people to listen to you when you put your foot down.

You heard a barking chuckle from Billy, and your head whipped towards him with a fire in your eyes. “You.” You growled, stalking up to him and stopping once you got toe-to-toe with the Alpha. “You had no right to beat his face in, you bastard. You were in the wrong. You had no right. We graduate in two months and then we’re being sent out into the real world where there is no detention and no second chances. Grow. Up.”

Since you had put Billy in his place, he couldn't stop thinking about you. He thought of the fire in your eyes, he thought how the power rolled off you in waves, and he thought how beautiful you and your spark would look on top of him. How much he would love to draw breathy moans from your throat, and how much he would love to make that fire spark in your eyes.

He could not stop thinking about you.

So when you walked past him without so much as a glance towards you, his eyes followed you until you were out of sight. They followed the way your hair bounced with every step, and the way your hips swayed, and GOD he wanted you and whatever he wanted, he got it. He pushed himself away from Tommy and Carol to follow you down the hall and when he got to your locker, he rested his hand above your head.

“Hey.” He crooned.

“Um… Hello?” You said, raising an eyebrow and continuing to grab books that you needed for the day ahead of you. You knew he had stopped focusing on girls, and you knew his eyes followed you through the halls, so while you weren’t too surprised when he approached you this morning it wasn’t something that you exactly wanted. “Can I help you?” You asked, sighing and leaning against your locker and looking at him through your lashes.

“You kill me, you know that Y/L/N?” He sighed, pushing your hair behind your ear and pulling lightly in your turquoise dangly earring. You waved his hand away and fluffed your hair back over your ear despite the burning in your cheeks.

“I’m honestly not.” You pushed past him and headed upstairs to your biology class. You knew he was following closely behind you, and you knew he was looking at your ass. “Take a picture dude, it’ll last longer.” You turned to him and glared down. He smiled widely and placed a hand on your hip, rubbing his thumb in circular motions.

“Could I, Doll?” You glared and slapped his hand away from you before bolting upstairs and losing him in the crowd.

Okay. The lost puppy tactic was growing on you, honestly. He followed you around the school and hung around the record shop you worked at, asking you questions about records you didn't even know existed. He brought you your favorite coffee (he found that out through your best friend who was so shocked that she couldn't even think of the word ‘no’) every other day. He was nothing but charming to you, and the people you cared about so when he asked you to be his prom date (he bumped up his grades from a D- to a solid B simply to impress you) you couldn’t help but smile widely.

“Green.” You grinned.

“What?” He blinked.

“My dress is emerald green, Bill.” You had never seen the boy smile so widely in your entire life.

“Tubular.”

“Excuse me?”

You found out Billy’s dark side when you told Nancy later that day when you were tutoring her in English. She said that in November they had gotten together for a Dungeons and Dragons session and while she and Jonathan left to pick up their Chinese food order Billy had dropped by and lost it on Steve when he found Max alone with him and the black boy, Lucas. He had pushed Lucas against one of the Byers bookshelves so hard that the boy had chipped his left shoulder blade. He then turned on Steve and beat him so much he was left with a swollen face and a concussion that put him out of school for a week. You had remembered seeing Steve on his first day back, and being so afraid for his well being that you actually had nightmares about it for three days after.

You didn't realize you had been crying until Nancy reached across the table and wiped away a tear from your cheek.

“Do you mind if we cut today short? I need to take care of something.” You whispered, stone-faced. She only nodded and you slammed your books shut, shoved them into your bag, and pushed your chair away when you stood up—making it scrape on the floor, leaving marks. Surely, the librarian would have your head (you and Nancy were here every Tuesday and Thursday in the same spot) but at this point, you were seeing red.

You stormed to your car and pulled out of the parking lot without even buckling yourself up into your seat. You sped through Hawkins, through the winding roads and swinging through the roads to avoid potholes that had been there for years. Unhinged, and unhinged and scary. Immature and how could you have not seen it. He was aggressive to everyone besides you and was kind to those you cared about (excluding Steve) just to.. to what? Get in your pants? You were a fool who was wearing rose-tinted glasses and it wasn’t fun anymore. You weren’t having fun.

You arrived sooner than you expected, and you glared at the house for about five minutes before you even thought about getting out of your car. When you did, you stomped up tot he door and banged the side your fist on his door until a sweaty Billy opened the door. Any other time you would be breathless and blushing at his wet skin and at the curls clinging to his face. He smelled like a man. Pure, unadulterated man. He had a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, which was curled into a seductive grin.

“You make me blush more than any other person in the state on Indiana. You make my heart race, and you make my stomach do The Thing. You follow me around like a puppy and it's charming and it makes me feel like there's a radiator in my chest. You make me feel like every other girl in the entire school and that’s not okay with me. It’s not okay with me because you're a horrible person. I don’t know what you're going through at home or in your head because you have this macho cardboard cutout you hold in front of yourself but whatever it is, it’s no excuse to be a racist asshole who breaks kids shoulder blades and beats in peoples faces. It’s not okay with me because I don't know who you are and I can’t start something with a stranger.” You said, face red and flustered.

“You know me, Kitten. You know me.” His voice broke.

“No, I don’t. It’s been two months and I haven't met your parents. I don’t know if you guys eat dinner together, or if you know how to throw a baseball. I don't know if you have family game nights, but how you talk about your sister I doubt it. I don't know where your mom is, or if you have a good relationship with your dad. I don't even know if you have a pet, or have ever had a pet. Do you have a fish? I wouldn't fucking know,” You punched his chest without any gusto and continued doing so until you started putting effort behind it.

“Kitten. Baby girl. Princess. Please.” he said grabbing your waist and pulling you towards him. You resisted against hugging him but stepped closer to him nevertheless.

“What do you want from this?” You stepped away from him to motion between the two of you with your hand. “Have you just been leading me on to fuck me? Is that all you wanted? You thought I was just playing hard to get and- and you thought I was something to conquer? What do you want from this, Billy.” You whimpered, leaning against the post of the porch and staring at your feet.

“I’m not good at this.” He said after a moment of silence. You looked up at him. “I’m not good at relationships. I don’t have a good relationship with my family. I don't have good relationships with girls and I don't have good relationships with any of my friends. The only good relationship I’ve ever had was with my—“ He took a breath and stepped closer. He put a hand up to your neck and swiped his hand across your cheek. “I’m scared I’m going to fuck this up. I really like you and it makes me feel like a little preschooler and I don’t know, baby. It started out with wanting your body. And then you started giving me the time of day and something changed. When we were having milkshakes it was the first time I wanted someone to stick around— and yeah. I’m an asshole. I’m racist, and I’m a dickhead who doesn’t handle emotions because I haven't had any good influences in my life.” He whimpered.

“That doesn’t excuse your behavior, Billy.” You sighed, leaning into his hand.

“I know, but that was old me. That was November me and now it’s June and we’re graduating in two weeks and I really like you, Y/N.”

“I need to think, okay? Please.”

“Kitten—“

“Please.” You whispered, turning away and walking to your car.

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thequietoftheroom · 6 years

Text

Hi. Is this thing on? Lauren Graham said in her new book that we should write more so this is my attempt at that. Oh by the way, I started reading again. I write these for myself so why don’t I just use “we”, but that will probably be weird reading it back. I’ve read Feminasty: The Complicated Woman’s Guide To Surviving The Patriarchy Without Drinking Herself To Death, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice On Love And Life From Dear Sugar, and now I’m almost done with Talking As Fast As I Can: From Gilmore Girls To Gilmore Girls. I’ve gone through several lists to pick out the books I plan on reading in the next few months, at least if I can afford them, but I like to think the books I ultimately bought found me and not the other way around. I have been read cover to cover, my soul pierced, and my mind opened. Of course fiction books have a similar effect but I never thought I would be interested in what people had to say about this grand thing called life and I learned that I cared a whole lot, not because I wanted to model myself after them but because I care about people and reading their explanations on life is like suddenly remembering they’re my best friends and they’re just catching me up on little secrets that come packed with nuggets of wisdom.

I got myself into several situations I never planned on getting myself into even though the red flags were there and even though the people very openly said “Hey, this is exactly who I am”, but you know how your mind works when you have anxiety and depression. You start to convince yourself the puzzle pieces you find yourself assembling are actually part of the picture even though they don’t fit because deep down you’re trying to finish the puzzle of your life and no one is giving you quite the right pieces. In other words, and to quote my friend Allie, I drank a nice glass of “dumb bitch” juice. Which lead me to want to consider joining a dating site sooner than I planned. I know these things take time but it’s been 3 days and I’ve sent 40 likes (I think that’s how okcupid works idk) and practically got 0 back. Here’s why that sucks. On okcupid they focus strongly on your personality and beliefs. So someone not only saw my face and said “yeesh no thanks” they took the time to get to know the information about myself I put on there and were still like “yikes I don’t think so”. So all in all this was an experiment in derailing my self esteem and increasing my depression. What crazy color will I dye my hair to suddenly avoid dealing with my problems? Or maybe I’ll give myself another buzzcut. Stay tuned!

On a serious note, a lot of the stories I’m reading made me SO relieved that at 27 I’m still very much single and have only had 1 relationship which wasn’t that great (it was both of our faults). There were so many stories and anecdotes about young love being messy and about true commitment coming in your 40′s. Honestly, idk if I can wait that long. If NASA and the CIA and the FBI were like “you have been randomly selected to test mating with androids” I’d be like “yes please but can I choose their face”. I mean realistically I’m in the worst position to be in a relationship. For one, I don’t have much money saved because I’m sadly addicted to ordering things online, most of which are either useful to me or to my job (and no I don’t get reimbursed but I think the prospect of waiting for something in the mail to kill time is momentarily greater than the prospect of having more money later). I still live at home. Obviously, that’s a hella yikes and tbf I’m reading to get the fuck out of here but {see A: i have no money} and I have no one to move in with. I keep doing extensive research but I learned that in 2018 everywhere is problematic. So as much as my love for NYC is slowly fading I also realize this is it for me! I’m a city gal who needs to be surrounded by diversity. I can’t do suburbs and I can’t do living near more than 50% white people. I’ll die. I know that’s discriminatory but we are in the dawn of BBQ Beckys so can you blame me when the majority of white people keep voting against my existence. So I’m stuck. Every once in a while I look up “most LGBT friendly places to live” or “least racist places to live” and hope there’s a magical place with both but there isn’t (especially since, hello, twinks are hella racist). But I’ve literally cuddled my body pillow to death: it broke apart and I need a new one. And I learned I can’t fall asleep unless I’m cuddling it because I’m that lonely.

Everything in life is so complicated. I hate not being out at work but at the same time everyone there is ignorant so I wouldn’t be any more comfortable having them walking on eggshells around me. I love the individuals though and sometimes I feel very motherly or big brotherly towards them and they make me REALLY love work. But I want to be me. And I want to get rid of my legal name. Every time someone calls me John I die inside. Sometimes I don’t even respond because I have to be like “oh shit that’s me”. Can I change my name now? Probably, just have to have the money and redo all my paperwork at work? Will i? No because then either a) the individuals will have to learn my new name and their lives are confusing as fuck as it is or b) i keep my current legal name as a nickname but then it will get confusing for paperwork. I don’t like inconveniencing people that much even for something super important to me. I’ll just die inside until I save enough money, do my last few undergrad psyche classes, and then get into grad school. So like in 5 years, knowing me.

I’ve developed some little crushes here and there but most of the time it’s people that live out of reach or are straight or bottoms or any combination of them or I can just tell they will never like me in that way. So honestly, why bother. I miss the days when I didn’t care about this and the only thing plaguing my mind was what show I should marathon while building in minecraft.

Speaking of games, I play a lot with my friend Sal. He’s like my best friend which is weird because he was my boss once on a minecraft server but now I can’t ever think of him that way? He’s more like an older brother now, even though he’s younger than me. We talk a lot and also enjoy a lot of silence, and introduce each other to different games and shows. But mostly games. We’re both obsessed with 7 Days To Die and I check constantly for news about the update (no set dates for Alpha 17 AHHHH). To fill that void we started playing Fortnite, which I know a lot of people make fun of but it’s actually fun. Here’s a fun fact about me: I can’t take serious games serious so if there’s no building element, or fun element, or explosives I can blow things up with, I won’t do it. I have 0 competitive bones in this body. I like to have fun. That’s why Fortnite is perfect because it is a competitive FPS type game but it’s also a parody of that genre and it’s so whimsical. Save The Day is a lot like 7 Days To Die so that’s been fun. Listen, when you play a game with someone and you beat it, especially a survival game, it’s such a relief and you learn so much and it’s like you went on a literal adventure with that person. Did Sal and I actually get stranded on an island full of mutants and cannibals? No but that’s what it actually felt like after finishing The Forest because it was that real for us. My love for Pocket Camp is fading because it’s the same stuff, new textures. I mean the prospect of having a cute camp is fun sometimes (fun enough for me to spend way too much money on it. HELP!) but now it’s like “oh they just stand there and I don’t really do anything”. ALTHOUGH they are saying that now they are adding a LOT more gameplay to the point that you need at least 1gb of space of the game so I’m excited. I’m still obsessed with minecraft so there’s nothing new there.

Here’s something weird. I spent much of my time, when I identified as gay, being annoyed at gay stereotypes and mostly twinks being like “if you don’t do x,y,z you might as well be straight”, so much so that now that I came out as queer those things still bother me and I have to be like “it’s okay that’s not you anymore you literally figured this out which is why you’re this person”. That’s how I should introduce myself tbh “Hi I’m the Q in LGBTQ”. I don’t care about fitting in but because of my lack of in person friends sometimes I worry that maybe I should care, just a little. I’m so tempted to try Tinder just for that but then I think of all the people who have Tinder that live in this building and I’m like God that is a huge mistake. I need a huge life change. I need someone to come in and shake up my life but no one has volunteered. I’m kind of regretting thinking of all those stupid romantic things like “Oh I want my future boyfriend to teach my how to ride a bike :)” “I want my future boyfriend to take me traveling” “I want my future boyfriend to serenade me”. I’ll just become a full on Capricorn and teach myself everything, travel the world alone, and serenade my goddamn self.

Speaking of which again, can my depression like.. not? I was so into learning and practicing chords daily and I just stopped? Like my motivation was like “It’s been a nice 1 week. back to not caring about anything again” I mean I started to try to learn Burn and Satisfied from Hamilton (well, “learn”) so I at least have interest and I still listen to classical music and jazz to light that fire under my ass but still. I’m just going to do what I always do and restart from lesson 1 and hope I make it to 3 although my extensive research of chords has already put me at an advantage for lesson 3, which is chords. Of course I would go and try to learn something in an unstructured manner because I have a problem with routine and authority even when that authority is me.

I should write me. Which reminds me I was going to write about this one dream I had on my regular blog. See ya!

#personal #2018

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theliterateape · 3 years

Text

Keeping The Faith

by Wayne Lerner

PART 1

6:10 am

The organ announced the opening of the morning mass with a soaring C Major chord followed by the rumbling B flat bass note played on the pedals by Sr. Agnes. Younger than the other Sisters by almost two decades and the last of the new recruits, Agnes had a bit of playfulness in her heart. Every so often, she would veer from traditional religious demeanor much to the dismay of the older Sisters.

She was always the first on the dance floor at the hospital banquets, hopping around to the beat of the DJ’s music. And, when no one was around, Agnes would sneak into the chapel and play her favorite music on the organ, Gershwin and Scott Joplin. The other Sisters would hear the music as it reverberated throughout the Motherhouse and just roll their eyes.

“It’s that Agnes, again,” they would say with a disparaging look on their faces, speaking in their mother tongue which they knew Agnes did not understand.

As if Agnes knew they were talking about her, she would end her personal concert with Malotte’s The Lord’s Prayer which made the Sisters go silent and ask for forgiveness for thinking bad thoughts. Agnes finished the emotional song, sat still for a moment in the majestic chapel, and thanked the Lord for the blessings she had received throughout her life.

After all, the Superior, Sr. Theresa had recruited Agnes to the congregation and knew her tendencies well. She always encouraged Agnes to bring the Lord’s prayers to all concerned in the ways she knew best even though some of the more conservative Sisters were sure to disapprove.

“Blind adherence to tradition does not help us find and make new friends,” Sr. Theresa liked to say.

Sr. Theresa was deep in thought as she entered the chapel.

“Today’s the day. If our prayers are ever going to be answered by the Lord, it has to be today. Without the support of the Cardinal and his Bishops, we’re done. Our legacy will be finished and our hospital will be no more. Almost a hundred years of toil, and for what?”

Theresa sighed, Her shoulders slumped down. Thoughts flooded her mind and, with them, consequences.

“People from miles around will have no place to get care. How can they let this happen? Why are they so shortsighted? Sure, we’re asking for something out of the ordinary but we’re still going to be true to our faith, to our religious directives, to our ethics. We’re doing what’s necessary in order to keep our institution alive.”

Theresa sat straight up as she looked around at her beloved chapel with new-found strength.

“I’m going to say extra prayers today.I know the Sisters are doing the same. It is their hard work which will be for naught if the Cardinal succumbs to those who don’t want us to change.”

6:30 am

The door to his personal chapel squeaked as it opened and then slammed shut as the Cardinal and his assistant, Father Paul, entered for morning prayers.

“Oh my God,” said the Cardinal. “With all the money we spend around here, can’t they get this fixed? Between the door, the lack of reliable heat in the winter and the squeaky floors, all I want is peace and quiet as I prepare for my daily prayers. I would be better off in the Brothers’ residence next door rather than in this Gothic monstrosity. Who needs a place this big and old? All I need is a bed, a meal and a place to pray.”

Father Paul nodded in agreement.

“If simplicity is good enough for the Pope, why not the Cardinal of Chicago?” said the Cardinal. Status, prestige, power don’t contribute to a man’s moral standing, values and actions do. There are many who don’t see the world as I do. And some of them will be here for the Bishops’ lunch today.”

Father Paul broke the Cardinal’s train of thought.

“Your Eminence, the meeting later today is going to be especially difficult. The agenda is replete with arduous issues, which churches to close and which parishes to merge. None of them have the resources to remain open by themselves anymore. What’s worse is that they are all in the underserved neighborhoods.”

“How can we retain or even increase the number of people of color to our faith if we can’t help them keep their churches open?” replied the Cardinal. “That’s problem enough but the final issue today, that one, will be the most contentious.”

“That’s for sure, sir,” said Father Paul. “The new partnership the hospital wants to enter into with

that Federal clinic system has never been addressed before. Are you ready for this, sir?. They are asking for a lot even though they have the best of intentions.”

The Cardinal looked down as his right hand began to shake.

“The tremors are coming more frequently,” he said to Father Paul. “Everyone can see them. Some will recognize it as a sign of weakness. They will want to take advantage of my condition.”

“It pains me to say this but some your most formidable adversaries are not outside of the faith but inside,” replied Father Paul. “Several will be sitting around your table today. One, in particular, wants your job and will do all he can to get it.”

The Cardinal nodded in agreement. “Yes, I know. I’m conservative but he’s at an extreme. There’s no gray for him. You are of the faith and abide by the rules to the letter or you don’t. And, what’s worse, I suspect he has racist and prejudicial biases based on his offhanded comments. That’s not a formula for a populist Cardinal.”

“The problem is he carries a lot of weight with the other Bishops,” said Father Paul. “Many listen to him because they agree with his stance on Church proceedings. Others are just afraid of him.”

The Cardinal sighed. “I just hope I have the wherewithal to make the right decision and stand tall for those who need our support more than ever before.”

“Anything else I can do for you this morning, Eminence?” asked Father Paul. “No, thank you. Please leave me. I have much to consider.”

Father Paul left the chapel as the Cardinal’s mind drifted to the prayers of the day. As he did every morning, he asked for forgiveness for recently committed sins.

“Many would be surprised that I ask for the Lord to forgive me my frailties during my prayers. Cardinals commit sins. We are but human. So are those around me. They sin too but they rationalize their grab for power as being good for the Church.’

The Cardinal paused to look through the stained glass skylight to the stars which still shined bright in the early morning sky.

“Lord, I could use your help today. Please send me a message on which road to follow. Perhaps the clue will come from an unlikely source. Or maybe, just maybe, this is a burden I have to carry myself and discern the right path to take, regardless of the consequences. There is much at stake.”

The Cardinal crossed himself and slowly rose from his knees, his hands shaking but still strong. He straightened his clothes, said another prayer and proceeded out of the chapel to begin his day.

6:42 am

The static from the alarm clock erupted from the speakers as it tuned in WBBM-NewsRadio. In his slumber, David heard a loud voice sing out, “Good morning, Chicago. It's a glorious December day. Sunny, windy but cold… “

His hand smashed down on the top of the alarm clock as he tried to reach the snooze button to grab an extra 10 minutes of sleep. Looking at the time, he realized more sleep was not an option today. He stretched out his muscles trying to force circulation throughout his body. As he looked down towards his toes, he saw a rise in the cover sheet.

“Oh, good morning, buddy. Are you feeling a bit lonely these days? I can understand that. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Well, you’re gonna have to wait a bit longer. Got a tough day ahead of me today.”

David looked around his barren bedroom which gave him pause. 48 years old and living in a hovel as more than half his pay went to his ex-wife.

“Jesus! What a shit hole. I sure would like to live downtown like many of my friends. But where am I working? For a hospital which takes care of the poor. I love their Mission and I make a decent living but to what end? C’mon David, stop being sorry for yourself. Focus!”

Today was critical to the future of the hospital. They had to get the Cardinal’s permission for the radical partnership they had put forward. It was the last option they had to right the ship and bring new patients to the hospital.

“The Cardinal is not leaning in our direction. We are proposing a precedent which changes the way which we enforce the Ethical and Religious Directives. There are several Bishops who don’t agree with this change. They like things the way they are even if it means schools close...or parishes or hospitals.”

David paused to reflect on the situation, its complexities and the strategy they had developed. Then reality hit him.

“And I know It really rubs them that a non-Catholic CEO is proposing this change. I should have gotten a job in the suburbs. I’d be making a ton more money and wouldn’t be living like this. Stop dreaming. These are the cards you chose to play. Maybe I’ll go to heaven because of the good we are doing. Then you’ll get out of this hovel.”

David smiled at that thought, dragged himself out of bed and went into the tiny bathroom. The water in the shower’s pipes squealed as the water began to trickle out of the sediment-filled shower head.

“Shit!” he said out loud. “Now, I’ve got to wait 15 minutes for the water to warm up. I don’t know how much more I can take! The fucking landlord refuses to do anything about this shithole!”

He leaned over and put his head in his hands as he began to feel even more sorry for himself than he usually did. Just then, the water stopped squealing. He knew there would be just enough hot water for a quick shower and shave so he had better get his ass in gear. 20 minutes later, David was dressed in his best blue suit with a matching, conservative striped tie and polished shoes as he knew first impressions were important. Then, another reality hit him.

“Bishop Piwonski knows who I am and doesn’t like anything about me. The other Bishops only know what they have heard from him. We are fortunate Father Garrity has been working with us on this change and has the Cardinal’s ear as his Vicar for Healthcare. Garrity likes me even though I am not of his faith. He knows the Sisters and I have bonded over our concerns for our community. We have been resolute in our efforts to save the hospital.”

David put on his overcoat and went outside to see his car covered in snow. Muttering to himself, he swept the snow off his car, got in and began his 60 minute drive, first, to the hospital and then, down the block, to the Motherhouse.

11:45 am

The day was gloomy with the remnants of the last snowfall strewn across the steps of the Motherhouse, the lawns and streets.

“Typical crappy, December weather in Chicago,” David said to himself. “I hope this isn”t an omen.”

David saw her approach the door to the Motherhouse and began to get out of the car when she waved him off. She always waved him off. She was one of the most independent people he had ever met.

Sr. Theresa was dressed in her usual uniform. Gray dress and top with her face framed in a white wimple. Her diminutive stature and gentle demeanor hid seven and a half decades of inner strength, experience and knowledge of health care. But it didn’t hide her service to her congregation and commitment to her Lord. If there was a biased bone in her body, no one could find it. Different from some of the other Sisters whose prejudices were clear just below the surface, Sr. Theresa lived her life believing in the goodness of every person. And she showed it

by her behavior. Protesting against voting restrictions, striving for fair housing laws, investing in Catholic healthcare and education for all and time for prayer.

If she had a failing, David couldn’t find it. Plus she rooted for the right team. Sr. Theresa was an avid White Sox fan. She never said a bad word about the Cubs but he knew she silently rejoiced when the Sox won and the Cubs lost.

Sr. Theresa took her time walking down the stairs to make sure she didn’t lose her footing. David got up from his seat to open the door for her but she waved him off once again. She slid into the front passenger seat and closed the door without making a sound.

Putting on her seatbelt, she turned to David, smiled and said “Good morning, Mr. CEO, are we ready for our adventure today?”

“Yes, Sister,” David said with a smile. “I’m ready. There aren’t too many tomorrows for our hospital without implementing our plan. I think I’ve got a strategy to handle the meeting with the Cardinal and his Bishops but I’m going to ask you to follow my lead when the meeting starts.”

“OK,“ she said, “but let’s go over that approach one more time. The Cardinal’s decision is critical to the future of the hospital and our legacy.”

“That’s the story we have to tell, Sister,” said David.

“Yes. Our congregation, the Sisters, have worked for almost a century to bring education and healthcare to the poor and underserved. We can’t afford to let that die now,” said Sister Theresa.

“After introductions, Father Garrity will take the lead,” said David. “His influence with the Cardinal along with the approach we will take should make for a forceful but tactful presentation. The Bishops have received our proposal in advance. They know what path we want to take. When we are done, they will see we have no other viable alternative to keep the hospital alive.”

Sr. Theresa bowed her head and was silent for a few moments.

David had seen this before.

“She’s saying a prayer. I hope it is a powerful one.”

David and Sister Theresa knew the hospital was down to two days of cash and didn't have any realistic options. They had looked at many alternatives, for profit and not-for-profit. No organization wanted a “mission” hospital or responsibility for a hospital which treated the poor and underserved. There were no suitors, no partners, who were willing to work with them or take on the hospital. The State needed them to stay open but couldn’t allocate funds to just them without making enemies with the other hospitals. The Sisters, dwindling in numbers and aging in place, had spent the last 10 years trying to discern a solution.

Sister Theresa looked up from her prayers.

“Before you arrived, David, we loaned the hospital money when it looked like it couldn’t make payroll. We are out of ideas. That’s why this meeting is so important. You have to lead this rescue plan. There’s no one else who can do the job!”

David was quiet as he took in the overwhelming responsibility facing him. He knew that the Sisters had depended on his executive skills for the past 6 years just to keep the hospital afloat. With the Board’s help, they had done just that, kept it alive but on life support. Now, the end was in sight and it wasn’t pretty, for the Sisters or the community. He finally understood why he had come to this hospital and not stayed in the suburbs. Some things are just more important than money or where he lived.

“I think our plan has legs, Sister,” he said. “It’s a bit of a stretch and may require the Cardinal and his henchmen to think beyond their normal boundaries and prejudices, but it’s doable. And it will preserve the Catholicity of the hospital.”

“Legs? What do you mean? Do you think the plan can stand on its own? How will we convince them that, if we merge with another system, not of our faith, but of our mission, that we will continue to bring the Church to the faithful, as a Catholic institution?”

David explained the thinking behind his approach. “The plan dictates that we draft a special agreement with any new partner which allows them to fulfill their responsibilities set down in the law and their bylaws, but still abides by the Ethical and Religious Directives. If a woman needs counseling for reproductive services, with the help of Father Garrity, we have drafted language the partner must agree to use to refer the patient outside of our hospital. That way, all parties have satisfied their obligations and we have stayed true to our Catholicity requirements.”

“Do you think we can convince the Bishops, especially you know who, that we are not decimating our obligations by using this technique?” Sr. Theresa asked. “If the three of us can assure them that everything we are proposing is in line with the Directives, then maybe, just maybe, the Cardinal will decide in our favor.”

“That’s what we are banking on, Sister,” David replied. “We are out of options. If we don’t succeed today, you and I both know that we’ll close our doors on March 15th. The community and 1200 employees depend on our survival. The proposal says it clearly. Father Garrity and I will emphasize these facts in our presentation.”

David and Theresa knew they had to depend on the goodwill of the Cardinal and his ability to see their reality without succumbing to Church politics. He had to recommend to Rome that this agreement was ok to sign. In order to get to this outcome, the Cardinal may have to overrule some or all of his Bishops.

“We’ve interacted with the Cardinal enough to know he has a big heart for his faithful and the underserved,” said David. “He has to convince himself this plan accomplishes a greater purpose without diminishing the Catholic protocols all of us live by.”

“You’re right, David,” Sister sighed. “I just wish we had more support around the table. Even our Bishop will be silent in Bishop Piwonski’s presence.”

“Don’t underestimate Father Garrity, Sister,” David said. “I talk with him almost every day, including this morning on the drive in. He knows how we feel but he remains upbeat about the possibility of this getting approved. Maybe he has a pipeline to the Big Guy,” David joked to release some of the tension in the car.

Sr. Theresa didn’t respond but bowed her head in silent prayer.

David looked over at her with admiration and respect. Then he said a prayer, his favorite from long ago.

“May the Lord bless us and keep us. May the Lord...”

PART 2

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ndx94 · 3 years

Photo

My pro-choice Democrat anti-Trump pro-CCP parents are furious with me that my college girlfriend and I twice procured emergency contraception in 2007 and my brother will not talk to me as it turns out I’m not a virgin retard, but had sexual intercourse within a committed thought-we’d-get-married love-relationship in my senior year of college and lived with her in the year following that and twice in my life I committed seminal ejaculation within the context of a female anatomy belonging to someone who badly wanted to get pregnant and be “settled” with me at the age of 21, after our parents had very carefully trained us not to have sex before marriage, warned us about attending Rutgers University, and also demanded us to “take responsibility” in the case of conception.

I am not happy about being an abortionist, babykiller, or anything like that but the idea that I wasn’t put up to it in the least or that you can vote for Bill Clinton and love porneia and still hold your son 100% accountable for his morals at the age of 21 when he was traumatized by the Iraq War and sleep-deprived for 3 years due to stress and emotional abuse by his racist Pakistani anti-white roommate in college and naturally he would then not want to come inside girl to cope or work out and be a nice person in hope of getting love in general rather than gun for Law School. TW-1 and I thought we would get married; we were both virgins in the autumn of 2006 and I at least have not so much as copped a feel of a breast-outline or buttock since TW-1 and I broke up in summer ‘07 let alone ‘played the lottery’ (pregnancy is winning).

I don’t like talking about this but it’s one thing people want to know about and I feel the right to say a few words in my defense on Planet Roe America and as a person who I’m pretty sure was conceived both outside of wedlock and in cis-rape or rape by deception, and if my little “Jaehee’s helper-bird” friend is correct, son of a guy who got so mad I didn’t myself rape the American Korean Presbyterian Pastor’s daughter (a.k.a. my sister) in the summer of 2002 that he fond some girl to drug and rape as symbolic coping.

I still remember well the autumn afternoon I met Taiwan-1, whose name is Rebecca or in Mandarin means “pure literature” or as I like to say “pellucid and literary” or “limpid and well-lettered.” As with the pastor’s daughter I in retrospect devoutly if not ardently regret not being closer to her father, who cared about me far more than my biological begetter; a Confucian gentleman and natural scholar / lover of moral philosophy who happened to become a banker just b/c he had to help his family (and all of Taiwan as a national-level financier), rather than a scholar of history and poetry as I apparently myself have become.

The evening Taiwan-1 and I met was the first day in my life I drank a full glass of wine. It was at a Rutgers English Department function related to the Honors Thesis I wrote, also on Taiwan and the director Hou Hsiao Hsien. I had originally wanted to write my thesis on a videogame called Final Fantasy VIII which in retrospect was an augury of how E. Asian media would summon people to Love not just through Squaresoft but later SM Entertainment, about which I also hoped to write an academic thesis before breaking hard toward political scholarship and military or what I call the sort of “hard science ofo Korean Studies’ like statistics, economics, history, primary source documents, constitutional and legal analysis, reading the daily papers, esp. 38North which is an amazing labor of love from generals who just think all day every day about saving their boys.

The emotion that I felt as I drank that my first wine - I had just come from dropping off my desktop / tower PC to be repaired at the Livingston Campus Rutgers PC shop, and was looking forward to working on my writing on my father’s Windows 98 laptop (I didn’t like laptops at the time but felt comfortable / nostalgic using Win98 in 2006, the apparent end of the universe) - was like, “Wahh [soft but real cry], does David Johnston really deserve nothing and no one?” I’m not trying to say I am selfish or unselfish but I had no friends, the only person I really liked was Big Bad Boris a.k.a. Aleksey “Alex” Kasavin who worked Google later on then Microsoft via Yale MBA program, but he doesn’t like / has never opened up to me or wanted to be close or committed or “eternal roommates” as I used to feel about him. I recently wrote Aleksey a last letter just expressing frankly “sorry to you + sorry to me too” that I always wanted to be close with him and this was not reciprocated; it might’ve been a little cross but after 18 years of this person grinning at me without hugging me (platonically but I have always wanted a close male friendship like a I briefly had with Danny Shin in KR), what am I supposed to do but say something?

When Rebecca looked up at me at the RU English Honors Program welcoming gala at Zimmerli Museum I heard what was either glass breaking - like a Jewish wedding where the couple stomp a glass before kissing, a ritual I love / adore somehow - or at least someone toasting. I had talked to this Korean grad-student. Because of Rebecca I came out of my shell a bit and decided instead of pulling ice cream or delivering pizzas I would try to be slightly more social and get a job as a writing-tutor instead, since I was working on my creative writing daily since 2005, and had started my “bioweapons Taiwanese- and Korean-America families + abortion + China and America assassinating indigenous peoples” novel in 2003 (the “soft sci fi of Sci-Rom / Futurist Romantic Realism) novel that my parents hate me not publishing since it predicted Covid in a way), and had a good “ear” as a reader (I loved imitating esp. Haruki Murakami and a little Gao Xingjian).

TW-1 and I courted between September and November. One of the formative drives in our relationship was her parents’ moving back to Taiwan for her dad’s job and mine moving to WI leaving us all alone together in New Jersey. Another, we were both studying Taiwan. My uncle’s wife is also Taiwanese. I don’t want to give the details of our sexual relationship since this person is an important working professional, a scholar, but we lost our virginities in a hotel suite in Washington, which is why I posted this pic of drapes. I’ll never forget how the day afterward I felt an insane, idiopathic “atheist-thought-bullet-packet” in my head then spent the day working on my creative writing at the “business lounge corner” of the Embassy Suite while TW-1 watched anime in her t-shirt. For some reason that day when I went on my PC to check e-mail I got a communication from my online DAI Forum friend who hadn’t reached out to me in more than a year, as if psychically he just knew that there had been a disturbance in the force or, as I like to say, the great “gayakeum” that binds some people had been detuned or returned.

This is “American Korean Millennial Lit; the story of some semen / sperm” but it seems meaningful somehow that on the night I actually punctured her virginal membrance neither of us completed orgasm / ejaculation. She started crying and then I stopped and we both went to sleep and left each other alone. Then all day we just nursed ourselves in our way, she with Japanese stuff and I with my creative writing or “journals.” We went out to dinner and it was a very “Maison Ikkoku” moment in the November weather in her metallic dress and my military jacket and polo shirt and taped glasses. That night I also discovered my incredible intuitive capacity for what you might call “air-braking” or being able to stay inside really really really close to the moment of potential impregnation. I don’t like talking about porneia and had wished I left it all behind but like in JAV when they have to j--- themselves before doing something obscene that men of my gen. were influenced by the millions to do to insult their GF’s and wives t’s pathetic to me that they can’t “air-burst the A-Bomb at 100 feet.” It was 15 years ago and today I think like why did God create sexual organs to look that way and be that way, stuff like frankly what’s the relationship between male circumcision and conscience (removing the ”foreskin of the heart”).

I am not without tremendous fault in my relationship with TW-1 esp. due to the fact that all the while we were together I was haunted by the presence or memory or eventual wish to be together again with S’hai-1. I could never fully convince myself that TW was better and yet by the same token if I’m being honest my attitude in 2006 was, “If Kate doesn’t want me / is never coming back I am still gonna live life and try to be married with children and a profession because I am not trash just because she gets mad and fires me whenever she feels like it.” Our relationship was also marked by meddling from both her family and friends and mine.

I don’t know why I’m saying this now as it is the ancient past and I am writing almost something that I fear the Holy Ghost does not want me to as everyone has to work out their salvation for themselves with fear and trembling and their seed and eggs are their own or the Lord’s.

TW-1 and I had a good relationship in all honesty except for money. The MD at Aurora Psychiatric and my brother and parents are mad. The MD was like “get a car maybe blahblah then do some Bulgarian deadlifts, Axe body spray” ahhaha alright just the car and I LOVE and thank Hananim for this man but he is Indian-American anwyay I was like “Dude we traveled around half the world, we shared so many meals in so many places.” MD didn’t realize relationships are like that; you don’t just arrive but share the whole journey of two lives as one, and it’s infinitely sad when you share that way with one person then another rather than one all the way through. It was really liek a marriage in the sense that pace Ecclesiastes I was “seeing the world with my wife.”

My very favorite day together with TW-1 was in Princeton, NJ at Panera or Au bon Pain drinking espresso. I later wrote a scene in Hot Pursuit in Princeton and also K-pop fanfic in which I was married to I-know-not-whom but we were dropping off our daughter Krystal for classes. It was common for Millennials at Rutgers at least in the honors program to visit Princeton as a vacation or “different oxygen” since P is only about 1 hour down the road from this mad disheartening to some soul-breaking suicide-inducing state school, nestled in woods. Educational Testing Service / the makers of the SAT and TOEIC and TOEFL also have their headquarters around there adn I nearly got a job there in 2007, my first dream job as I believed that the SAT protected gifted young people from arbitrary often intellectually envious subjective teachers; a view on standardized testing shared by all rational governments but especially Korea and Asia in general, and also by the serious and caring moral, now basically religious scholar / sociologist Charles Murray, who believed he was saved from racists, as were many Jews in the days the Ivy League was hyper-anti-Semitic (word to the wise: they’re now anti-Korean mutatis mutandis).

The Lord is high and lifted up

The Lord is lifted up

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redditnosleep · 7 years

Text

My Student Submitted The Most Disturbing "Living History" Project I've Ever Seen

by gretelcat

One of my least favorite parts about being a middle school history teacher is the bullshit “Living History” assignments we give at the end of every school year. Kids are supposed to sit with their grandparents and video tape, voice record, or transcribe their oldest memories for posterity (and for an easy way to bring up their GPA).

I have been doing this for seventeen years, and when I collected the projects this time around, I assumed they would be as dull, if not duller than usual. This had not been a particularly bright class.

So I went home, poured myself a glass of wine, and prepared for a long night of “I only owned two pairs of pants when I was your age” and “My brother got beat with a newspaper for hitting a baseball into a neighbor’s yard.” And of course, these projects were peppered with innocent, old-person comments that were so horribly sexist and racist you just had to laugh.

Now, I had a girl in my class whom I will call Olivia. She was pudgy, quiet, and proved herself a consistent B student. I expected her project to be as unremarkable as her, and perhaps that’s why I was so profoundly disturbed by what I witnessed that night.

Olivia had submitted two discs for some reason, so I began with the one marked “interview.” My screen hiccupped twice before a grainy image of a living room came into view. The place was a hoarder’s hell. Olivia was curled up in an armchair clutching a notebook and looking like a scared animal. Across from her sat a man with a somber countenance, smoking a cigarette and staring at her expectantly.

“Go ahead,” a woman’s voice whispered from behind the camera. Olivia’s owlish eyes flashed towards the screen, then back to the man.

“I am here with my Great Uncle Stephen,” she began almost inaudibly. “He is going to tell us about his oldest memories from being in the army.”

Great Uncle Stephen looked like he’d rather be in a goddamn trench at the moment, but he waited patiently for the questions to begin.

Not surprisingly, Olivia read verbatim from the suggested questions sheet I had handed out to the students. He answered her curtly. Once or twice I heard her mother whisper “speak up, Olivia” from behind the camera. Typical, boring shit.

So I was intrigued when Olivia set down the notebook and asked, “Did you like being in the army?”

That was totally off-script. Great Uncle Stephen emitted a chain smoker’s wheeze. “Nope. Glad to get out of my town though.”

“Where did you go?”

“Balkans.”

“Uh-huh,” she said. I doubted she knew what the Balkans were, and my suspicion was confirmed when she asked, “Was Baukiss very different from here?”

“Yes.”

Mom cleared her throat from behind the camera, perhaps encouraging Great Uncle Stephen to be a little more forthcoming.

But Olivia seemed genuinely interested. “Uncle Stephen,” she asked, “what is your very worst memory from the army?”

The old man crushed his cigarette in the ashtray and then slowly lifted himself out of his chair. “I’ll be back,” he mumbled. The camera cut off.

When the screen flashed back on, everything was the same except Great Uncle Stephen had several pieces of paper in plastic sleeves laid atop all the crap sitting on his coffee table. One, he held in his hand.

“I was a kid when I enlisted,” he said, looking at Olivia. “Your brother’s age,” he told her. Olivia nodded. “I never saw combat. Both of my deployments were to cities in Eastern Europe that had been destroyed by civil wars. Everything was a mess. I felt like a janitor for fuck’s sa-”

“Ahem!” Mom coughed.

Great Uncle Stephen sighed and looked at his paper. “My unit was assigned to a school that had been obliterated by all the violence. Broken windows, caved in rooms – and for some reason, the part that got to me the most was that the school had been like this for years before we got there. No one had lifted a finger to fix it. I saw kids walk by it on their way to go beg for money or whatever shit they did-”

The camera dipped towards the floor as I heard Mom whisper harshly at Great Uncle Stephen. I couldn’t make out what she was saying, but it wasn’t hard to imagine.

“Do you want to hear this goddamn story or not?” I heard him bark in response. “Then you better let me tell it how I want.”

“Mom,” Olivia chimed. “Please stop interrupting.”

“Are you presenting this in front of the class?”

“No, Mom, we’re just handing it in to the teacher.”

“I’m sure he’s heard the word shit before,” Great Uncle Stephen contributed helpfully. I wasn’t a “he” as a matter of fact, but other than that the statement was accurate.

The camera was lifted and after a couple of blurry focus adjustments, the shot was the same as before.

“Ahh I’m talking too much anyway,” he grumbled. He lifted the piece of paper in his hand close to his face. “In the basement, I found this letter. I didn’t know what it said but I had a buddy of mine translate it. So I’m gonna read it now. And then I’ll tell you what I saw in that basement.”

A chill ran down my spine. Mom zoomed in to Great Uncle Stephen and his letter. His palsied hands trembled as he held up the paper. This is what he read:

Dear Sir,

I never loved my country. So many of these skirmishes are born from patriotism, a power struggle for the shards of a once-great empire, but I do not care what name my home has on a map. This fighting is senseless and I stay as far away from it as I can.

It was not these attacks and disorganized violence that took the lives of my wife and child. It was illness. Mercifully, it happened quickly for the baby. Nadja suffered for longer. I watched in horror knowing I could do nothing for them. My only solace is that I was there for them every step of the way. I stopped going to work one day, and no one came after me. I doubt they noticed I was gone. Since the school was simply across a field, visible from my window, it would have been easy to go for a few hours each day and come home quickly to care for them. But what was the point? All I did was clean floors. I was as useless to the world as I was to my family.

I tried to take Nadja to the hospital, but the journey was too long and taxing. I brought her home and she died that night.

After Nadja and the baby were gone… well, I don’t remember much. I didn’t leave my hovel, barely ate and slept, thought many times of taking my own life. Tempting though it was, I felt paralyzed by my own helplessness.

The one thing that kept me sane was my radio. I never turned it off once. Even though I didn’t listen to the words being said – in fact, the channel I got the clearest was in English (I think) which I don’t speak a lick of. But the voices, the music, and the true knowledge that life existed beyond this violent city sustained me.

I have no idea how long passed before I saw the light of day again. I was dizzy from hunger, so finding food was my priority. My radio came with me, of course. Since I first holed myself up, it has gone everywhere with me. It talks to me as I sleep and as I wake. I don’t know what it’s saying, but I know I would die without it.

Once I had some water and food, it occurred to me that the only thing left to do was go back to work. So I did. The following morning, I simply returned to the school where I was a janitor and got back to work.

Nobody made a big deal out of it. Like I said, Nadja had been sick for a long time, and those who worked at the school knew it. I appreciate that no one had pestered me to come back to work during the hardest days of my life. The teachers never said much to me, but we smiled at each other in the halls and that mutual respect was perhaps the reason I decided to come back at all.

The place had gone to the dogs without me, so I simply grabbed my broom and rags from my closet and set to cleaning. Everyone is grateful to have me back, I know. And the best part is that nobody minds my radio. I bring it with me everywhere and keep the volume low enough not to disrupt the students. No one has ever complained. In fact, I suspect they like it.

The schoolhouse is not very big, but does require a lot of maintenance. The floors are always sticky and stained, so I spend most of my time mopping. Kids make messes – I guess that’s why I’m still in business. Sometimes I have to move things around to make sure I get every spot on the floor beautiful and clean, but I take pride in that.

And the repairs! The school always needs tune-ups here and there, and I am happy to help. Some days I’m reconstructing a desk that broke as I whistle along with the radio, other times I handle more serious, structural issues. Days when I have work like this, I feel truly instrumental, like a cog in a larger machine. How could this school survive without me? It took me a long time, but I once again feel that I have purpose.

There is a larder behind the school that is full of preserved food. In lieu of payment, I am allowed to take as much food as I need. That arrangement is fine – what would I do with money anyway? I used to bring the food back to my home, just one field away from the school, but when I started sleeping in the basement no one seemed to notice. This school is special to me and I cannot leave it unguarded.

When I am besieged with memories of my wife and baby, I turn up the volume on the radio to drown out such thoughts. It works for me every time.

Except this morning.

Because this morning, I woke up to dead silence.

I frantically examined the radio to see what had happened. I honestly cannot tell you how many days in a row I have been using it. Did it simply live out its life and die naturally? I have spent the entire day trying to fix it. Most of this time, I have been crying. I am losing my mind without it.

I have given myself until sundown. If I cannot fix it by then, I am going to take my life. I am writing this because the sunlight is starting to die and I know what my fate shall be.

I have thought about taking one last walk through the halls of my school, saying goodbye to the students and teachers. I know I will be missed. But I cannot bring myself to leave this room. I cannot go anywhere knowing that my radio is dead in here.

There are no more tears in me. It feels now like I can’t catch my breath. I vomited what little food I had in my stomach and I am growing dizzy again, like I did after Nadja died. I am not long for this world.

But before I take my life, I have closed the door to this room and stuck a chair beneath the handle. It is the only room in the basement and has a small casement that lets in just enough light for me to see what I am doing. If anyone is kind enough to come looking for me, they should not be met with this gruesome sight. Perhaps they will see the door is blocked, smell my rotting body, and simply forget I ever existed.

But I have placed both my radio and this note outside the door. Kind sir, if you are reading this, I have one humble request: please fix it. Save my radio. It did not deserve to die in its sleep and I am ashamed that I cannot revive it.

Now I am ready to join Nadja and little Ludmilla in heaven. I hope this school can find another janitor who loves and cares for it the way I do.

The hour is now. Do not forget my radio.

Stanislav

When Mom zoomed back out, Olivia had tears in her eyes. “Thank you for sharing, Uncle Stephen,” Mom said, her voice choked. “I think we have enough.”

“Wait!” Olivia chirped. “He said there’s more. What did you find?”

Before Great Uncle Stephen could open his mouth, the image disappeared. My jaw dropped. Was that it? What did Great Uncle Stephen see?

I promptly remembered that there was a second disc. This one was unmarked, but I hoped it contained the rest of the interview.

There was no video, only audio. The voice that started up was Olivia’s.

“Hi Miss Gerrity. I’m sorry about my mom, but she refused to record the rest of what my uncle was saying. But I asked him to continue and secretly recorded the story as a voice memo on my phone. I remember you said earlier this year that history is written by the people who win wars.” She sucked in a breath and commenced crying. “But everyone’s history is important, even if they are sad, pathetic people and even if they never won a single thing in their life. I haven’t slept through the night since I finished this project, but you have to hear what my uncle has to say.”

There were tears in my eyes, too. The sincerity of her words was beautiful. I was also flattered that she had remembered some trite phrase I threw around because it was what my history teachers said to me.

Before I got too sappy over it, the audio began again.

“Fine,” came Mom’s frustrated voice. “If you want to hear the rest of the story, fine, but this is not appropriate for a school project.”

“Let me finish,” Great Uncle Stephen snapped. “If it’s too much for you, help yourself to a snack in the kitchen. But Olivia wants to know what happened.”

I heard her mother mumble something and walk away. Olivia and her uncle were alone. I imagined her looking at him expectantly.

“So did you find the radio? Or did it get ruined when the school got blown up?”

He rasped and I heard the distinct click of a lighter. “That letter,” he began slowly, “had a date on it.”

“What date?” she inquired hungrily.

“It was dated two weeks before we started rebuilding the school.”

“Didn’t you say the school had been destroyed like two years ago?”

“Yes,” replied Great Uncle Stephen. “It had been.”

There was silence as I felt goosebumps on my arms. The images that came to my mind were almost too overwhelming to express, but Great Uncle Stephen put them into words effortlessly. Clearly he had spent his whole life thinking about it.

“This man, this Stanislav, went to a vandalized, falling apart schoolhouse and cleaned up blood and rubble like it was spilled drinks and dust. He smiled at dead bodies in the hallway and believed they were smiling back at him because they liked his radio. He moved around corpses so he could sweep the ground under them. The roof was half collapsed, so when it rained, he must’ve gotten soaking wet but was so oblivious that he didn’t even feel a thing.” I could hear Olivia crying steadily. “I found the larder he was talking about. It was all pickled, preserved food that probably tasted like shit. Most of the stuff was moldy.”

“Did – did you see the dead body?”

“Yes. Hanging from the ceiling, but still amazingly… lifelike. He wasn’t rotting away. This hadn’t happened years ago.”

“Did he look peaceful?” she asked, a chord of desperation in her voice.

“Couldn’t tell you. The smell was rank, and his face was blue and his eyes were bulging. Like this.” I imagined him demonstrating.

“And the radio?” Olivia wept.

I heard Great Uncle Stephen take a long drag of his cigarette. “It was there, alright. And it was still on.”

#creepy #horror story #gretelcat

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