#here's hoping that training tonight will tire me out so much i fall asleep early!

[studiousandrogynousfox-blog]

(almost) fully independent at clicky and zoomy stuff

this morning i received training to use an electron microscope independently! i'm now allowed to open and close a vacuum chamber on my own and play the video game of aligning everything to make the focus better! it's honestly mostly just clicking buttons in a software and carefully sliding a door open and close lol

in the afternoon after installing all the equipment i'll need in the vacuum chamber i was allowed to operate the microscope on my own and managed to measure two samples. the other seven i'll hopefully manage in the next two days :)

[winter-soldier-vibes]

Where’s my white flag? (Bucky x reader)

Bucky x reader

Word count 2620

Warnings: Suicidal ideation, depression, worthlessness

Summary: Reader is on the roof experiencing suicidal ideation and Bucky talks her down from it. 

A/N: Please, PLEASE, if you think this will do more harm than good, skip this one. I don’t want to harm anyone in their journey, but writing comfort helps me feel as if I am getting it. I hope that you can feel some too, because people do care. If you feel similar ways to this fic, please reach out, you're not alone. As always, my messages are open too. <3

Taglist: @buckys2thicc @abitgryffindorky @thatfangirl42

---------------

It was a gorgeous night, really. It was a warm summer night, a light breeze blowing your hair. The sky was clear, stars scattered across it. The moon was bright, and the streets weren’t too loud for New York. The buildings lit up the streets, and even in the busy city setting, it wasn’t as harsh as it could be sometimes. It really was beautiful.

Especially looking over it from the roof of Stark Tower. 

You knew you weren’t doing yourself a favor, sitting with your legs over the edge gazing out at the streets below. You knew it wasn’t the best choice for your mentality. Not that you cared much anyway.

See, life had been less than kind to you recently. You loved your family, the Avengers, and being on the team. But one day, doubts and stress had crept in. you don’t know why or when exactly it happened but soon the bad days became bad weeks. It wasn’t long before a good day came as a surprise, and lately you had stopped hoping that they would come. You were used to this numb depression. That didn’t mean you enjoyed it.

But you never thought you’d ever be able to get out of it.

You knew the team loved you, you knew you were good at what you did. But even so, every night you somehow found yourself doubting your worth and questioning your abilities. You had been able to hide behind fake smiles for some time, but soon it became easier to hide in your room. No one to hide from, no reason to hide. 

You felt like you were living on borrowed time. You didn’t know when living became a chore and not just...living. Most people will find work boring or basic chores undesirable. But for you the basics of living as a human had become too much for you. Exhausted from the slightest interactions or basic human needs.

Your emotions would slide from one extreme to the other or disappear entirely. Feeling too much or nothing at all. It’s one thing to be trapped in a place physically. It’s another when your body is the cage and somewhere you had lost the key.

Which is why you found yourself out here on the roof. Again. You’d been coming up here  more and more recently, driven to desperation. You never knew if you would ever go through with it. If there would ever be a time you would actually jump, or if every time would be chalked up to getting fresh air. You put a lot of thought into it and this was the best way you could think of to end your pain. Yet even though you wanted to die, you never quite felt like you could ever do it. 

Not necessarily that you wanted to die - more so you just didn’t want to live the life you had been given. It was too painful. And you were tired of fighting for something that had proved to you that it wasn’t going to work out. 

You had people, a family. No matter how much you doubted your worth, you know it would have an impact on them. Tony would overwork himself in the lab. Natasha would shut down emotionally. Steve and Bucky would blame themselves even though it had nothing to do with them. They were the reason you had been able to stay for so long.

But they wouldn’t think that. They would only see that you were gone and blame themselves for not noticing. Even though they had been - checking in on you or having you sit out missions out of worry of the risks you took. They cared about you, and you didn’t want to hurt them.

But lately, the pain of everything building up had begun to outweigh the worry of the impact you would have on them.

It was better this way

They’d be better off

You wouldn’t be in pain anymore.

Just lean forward, close your eyes and -

“Y/n?” you heard a familiar voice behind you.

You let out a small breath before opening your eyes. You knew who it was. Without turning around you replied with a small “Hey Bucky.”

You looked up from the ground, still not looking at him. “Beautiful night isn’t it?”

Bucky started walking towards you nervously. He had noticed how withdrawn you had been but he never imagined….swallowing, he asked “What are you doing out here?”

You merely shrugged, still not meeting his eyes. You still weren’t sure how tonight would end. “Just clearing my head I guess.” you replied with. You spoke as if you were sitting on the kitchen counter with your legs dangling over. As if you weren��t over 1,000 feet above the city streets below.

Swallowing nervously again at seeing your feet dangling over the edge, he cleared his throat. “Can I sit with you?”

You nodded, still unable to look at him as he sat down next to you. You knew the emotion would be overwhelming if you did. He felt his heart rate pick up looking over the edge, knowing that a wrong move from either of you would certainly be lethal. “Do you want to go inside and talk?”

You were silent. 

“Why don’t we move back a little bit, it’s pretty dangerous to be this close to the edge.”

“I know,” you said, finally meeting his eyes. “That’s kind of the point,” you said almost emotionlessly. Bucky looked back at you, eyebrows creased in concern. You held the edge of the roof in your hands tightly, knuckles turning white. You looked back down at the streets below. “You ever think about dying?” you asked suddenly, emotion starting to grow inside you as you felt tears prick your eyes from being so vulnerable. No going back now.

“Y/n, why don’t we go inside, we -”

“I know I wouldn’t want to drown” you looked at him and shook your head. “Slow and painful. Not for me. I’ve thought about pills but it isn’t always effective and I could just end up getting really sick, and depending on the medication it could be painful.” you laughed bitterly as tears filled your eyes, looking back out at the skyline. “Some people think you take meds and fall asleep but it’s not always like that. I know if I died I would want it to be quick. A gunshot, snapping my neck…” you paused for a moment, letting the tears spill over. “...Falling off a building.”.

Bucky could feel his heart pounding in his chest at your words, breaking at how casually you talked about this and how much thought you had given it. “Do you think about it a lot?” he asked, voice wavering from anxiety. 

You swallowed dryly as you felt Bucky’s eyes on you. “A gunshot is the easiest. It’s messy, but it’s certain. But if I did that then one of you would be the first to find me, and no one would ever want to go in the training room again. It’s nearly impossible to snap your own neck. But if I jump…” you tilted your head back and forth a little. “The public finds me first. You wouldn’t be the first to see me.”

You took a deep breath and brought your eyes back to his. “I think about it every goddamn day.”

Bucky took a deep breath. You started to stand up and Bucky did too, nervous at what you were going to do. He reached out his hand to try to grab you but you swatted it away, walking away from the edge slightly and turning your back to him.

“Y/n, talk to me, let me try to help you.” he said. “Please,” he added, desperation threading his voice. 

You turned around, arms crossed. “You can’t help me, no one can help me.” you shook your head. “Every day I wake up and it’s the same shit. It's the same tiring life and routine, over and over. It’s the same feeling 24/7. There’s no escape from it, there’s no break.” you started getting more passionate and put your arms out. “Even if I could get a break I’d come back to the same shit at some point. There’s no escaping my life and my feelings, I can’t turn off my mind.” your voice was rising through tears of frustration. “I don’t want this life anymore, okay? I want to die but I can’t do it. No matter how much I want to, I CAN’T! Where’s my fucking white flag?!” you shook your head again. “When do I get to tap out? I can’t do this anymore!” you shouted. “I’m tired of fighting for a life that I will NEVER have!”

Bucky looked at you sadly, knowing all too well the feeling of craving an escape. He walked closer to you, you trying to walk away. He grabbed your hand and you wrestled out of it. He came closer and grabbed you by your shoulders more firmly trying to bring you into a hug. “Get the fuck off.” you said, trying to get away, punching his chest. It didn’t affect him, and he just kept trying to hold you still despite your wrestling figure. Eventually your anger melted into agony, as you let out sobs against his chest, giving into the embrace.

“Please, just let me die…”

“It’s not your time yet,” he whispered.

You began crying harder and he held you protectively, whispering “I got you. It’s okay.”

He kept repeating that and hushing you, keeping his arms tightly around you, supporting you. “I don’t want to do this anymore…” you sobbed into his chest. 

“I know,” he said, his voice cracking. He cradled your head against his chest. “I know.”

After standing there for a few more moments, he said “Let’s get you inside. It's going to be okay.”

And with that, he moved to pick you up, doing so with ease. You hid your face against his chest, trying to contain your cries. You were embarrassed to be so emotional. Luckily for you, your room was close to the elevator and seeing as it was early morning now, no one was roaming the halls. 

He brought you into your room and sat down on the bed, still holding you in his lap. You were still crying, both from the situation and out of shame for being so vulnerable. He still held you tightly, whispering comforting words to you and breathing steadily. Eventually you were able to find your own rhythm, still crying softly. It wasn’t until now that you realized how badly you were shaking. 

After a few minutes of silence, Bucky began to speak. “I just want you to listen, okay?” when you nodded he continued. “I know that you might not believe me but I felt the same way once. Remembering everything I did as the Winter Soldier and the nightmares, they just...wouldn’t stop. Remembering was the worst part. Knowing what I did, even if I didn’t have control, made day and night hell. I couldn’t make it stop.” Your eyes filled with tears, knowing how much he blamed himself. 

“I couldn’t control the memories and the nightmares. I couldn’t avoid my metal arm. It was a constant reminder of everything they made me do. And I didn’t want to feel the guilt that I did. But death wasn’t the answer.” he guided your face to look at his. “Death is never the answer. The memories stay, but the guilt fades.”

 “You are such a good person.” when you scoffed he added “I know these feelings and thoughts tell you you’re not but you are. I know it may seem like it will never end, but it can get easier. You don’t have to be okay, you don’t have to be strong for us. But taking away your chance at every future good experience by permanently preventing the bad ones isn’t worth it.”

Your eyes filled with fresh tears. “Sometimes it feels like it’s all about pros and cons. Like no good experience could outweigh the pain of all of this.” you let the tears fall and shook your head. “Life isn’t supposed to hurt.”

He hugged you tightly. “No one asks for pain, no one asks for this. It’s not your fault that you feel this way and it’s okay. But it can get better, I promise.”

You cried into his chest. “I don’t know how to do this.”

“There’s no right thing to do. You don’t have to do this alone. I’m here for you, and I know the whole team would be too if you needed them to be. You’re not weak, you’re not stupid. You’re going to get through this, because you are strong.”

“I just…” you started, shaking your head a little. “This was never supposed to happen. I don’t know why I can’t control it anymore. It’s been bad for a while but I was always able to function and push down this type of thing. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know where I went wrong.”

Bucky shook his head. “It’s not your fault. You can’t control it. These things happen, there doesn’t always have to be a reason. Emotions are what they are and our own minds can be our worst enemy. We know the best way to hurt ourselves, we know what our weaknesses are. Sometimes our minds take advantage of that.”

You moved to look at him. “How did you make it stop? You said it got easier, how did you do it? How do you turn it off?”

“It’s not quite that simple. I know deep down that I wasn’t in control. It was what HYDRA had created that killed those people, not the human I was before. And I tried to remind myself that I still had the person I was before HYDRA in me, somewhere. And slowly I tried to find who I used to be to help create who I could be. I don’t know if that makes sense -”

“It does,” you said as you leaned into his chest again. you squeezed your eyes shut. “Thank you.”

“Anytime. I’m always here to help you okay?” you nodded. “Why don’t you try to get some sleep, and we can talk in the morning, okay?” you nodded again, and Bucky gave you another hug before standing up. You lied down, you being too tired to care about changing out of your day clothes. They were comfortable enough. 

Bucky, not wanting to leave you alone, went to go sit in a chair. He didn’t want to cross any boundaries. Before he could sit down though, you sat up and turned to him. 

“Can you lay with me please?” Bucky nodded. “Yeah, of course.” He took off his shoes and climbed into the other side of the bed, giving you some space. You moved to be flush against his chest, his heartbeat soothing to you. “Thank you,” you said softly

“No need to thank me.” He said softly, wrapping his arms around you, making you feel protected. “I should be thanking you.” He added

“For what?” You asked, confused.

“For not giving up.”

[mountswhore]

𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭 — mason mount

summary: after an argument ensues between the two of you, you’d decided to go for a drive. only for it to end worse than expected for the both of you.

warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of a car accident, mentions of blood and cuts

notes: requests are open

“I’m not ready to lose you.” + “Wake up! Please don’t do this to me.”

“Maybe you aren’t understanding,” you sighed, tired of the argument you and Mason were currently having, “I live with you, for fuck’s sake. I see you every night and every morning, so on my only day off, I want to see my family. We visit your family all the time, what about mine?”

Mason was tugging at his hair in stress, trying his hardest to keep his cool. It started when you’d gotten home late, after a nice day out with your mum and sisters, Mason sitting on the couch in complete silence. His argument was that you barely spent time together, especially since your careers kept you busy all the time. Your argument was that you see him during the day, whereas you don’t even speak to your parents for more than a minute on the phone. You understood his argument completely, you wanted to spend time with him, but he was dismissing your argument entirely.

“I rarely get time to spend with you, so when I actually get home from training early, you’re out all day with not even a note to tell me you’d gone.” Mason whined, following you into the kitchen as you left the living room. You both hated arguments, especially shouting, it wasn’t you at all. And usually your arguments were solved with just quiet talking, and a compromise. But tonight was something else.

“I don’t get that much time off.” You stated, making yourself comfortable on the island stool. You’d hoped Mason would just drop it, or at least see where you’re coming from. “If I knew you’d be finishing early, I would have offered you to come with me. But I didn’t know, Mase. I’m tired of this now.”

“You don’t think I’m tired of this?” Mason’s voice was gradually getting louder, and you squeezed your hands together to keep calm. “I’m tired of only seeing you when you’re sleeping, or half asleep as you walk through the door. I just want you, Y/N. We don’t even have sex anymore.”

“It’s not about sex, Mason. Not to me, anyway.” He was pulling every string and managed to get on every single one of your nerves, it was almost as if he were waiting for you to snap at him.

“Don’t try and spin this, I never said it was about sex. It’s just one of the many things we used to do, and don’t do anymore.” He’d shouted at you, his tone making it out to be your fault. You were the reason you didn’t have sex anymore, you were the reason you barely see each other any more.

“You can’t even have sex leading up to a match,” you reminded him, stopping at the stairs as you pulled your shoes back on. They’d only been off for twenty minutes, your bag still on your shoulder. “God, I’ve met rocks smarter than you,” you mumbled, reaching for the door handle.

“Oh, fuck off Y/N. Why don’t you go and sleep at your family’s house if you want to see them so much?” He shouted back at you, walking to the kitchen and away from you. You’d made a habit of slamming the door after you, stomping over to your car and starting it up. Another thing you’d always done during your arguments, was wait until you were away from Mason to cry.

You’d left the driveway, tears falling from your eyes as you left Mason in your house alone. He was sat against the kitchen island in defeat, head in his hands and beginning to regret saying what he said. He didn’t want you to go to your family’s home and sleep there, he wanted you in his bed. Close to him. That’s all he wanted.

You’d taken a hand from the wheel to wipe the tears from your eyes, no doubt ruining your makeup in the process, and as another had fallen, you squeezed your eyes to push them all out. In the split second your eyes were closed, you’d heard a large horn and felt your body jolt to the side, hitting your head on your window. All you could manage to do was grab your phone and see a bunch of texts, vision blurred so you couldn’t see who they were from.

Whoever it was, you’d texted: ‘hel p.’ Before letting the darkness, that was pushing your eyelids down, consume you.

Mason had received your text and almost threw up with worry. He clenched his teeth tightly together as he threw on his shoes, running out to his car and taking the route you always took to your parents. He knew you avoided motorways whenever you could, and he finally saw your car, both sides battered completely. He could barely breathe as he leapt out of his car, leaving the door wide open and going to check on you.

Your head was rested against the cracked window, he could see small shards impaling the skin of your face. His eyes were bleeding tears at this point, yanking on the doors but they wouldn’t open. Finally, your door had been forced open by his hands and he held you tight. He could feel your breath on his arm, so he knew not to assume the worst. His tears were landing on your hair, creating a small wet patch on your hairline.

“Wake up, please don’t do this to me.” He whimpered, holding you tighter to his chest as if it were doing something, “I’m not ready to lose you.” Your body felt limp, lifeless even, it was a feeling he never wanted to feel again. His chest ached with the sobs leaving him, wanting to curl up with you in bed. With you alive and well.

Finally, after holding you close to him, he’d called an ambulance. His voice shaking as he named the road and gave them your details. If he’d just listened to you, you wouldn’t be here right now, completely knocked out and in pain. He’d taken you from the car and carried you in his arms to his own. The sirens were rapidly approaching, his tears still falling from his eyes when they took you. He didn’t want to leave you, but he’d followed the ambulance to the hospital.

For hours he waited, eyes hopeful as a doctor left your room, but they’d walked the opposite way. The last he’d heard was that you were being taken into surgery, to remove the glass shards and stitch up the wounds on your head. He was advised to go home, grab you a change of clothes and get some sleep. But he refused. He wasn’t leaving this hospital until you were out with him. He wasn’t leaving until you knew how sorry he was for what he’d done.

He wept into his hands silently in the corner of the waiting room, lifting his hood up to avoid anyone who might know who he was. He’d contacted your family, telling them you’d been in an accident and that you were awaiting surgery. Of course they’d told Mason to keep them updated, wishing him and you well. He was shaking the entirety of the time he waited for you, finally a nurse coming up to him as he’d closed his eyes for a short while. It was almost 11 now, forgetting you’d gotten home late that night.

“She’s out of surgery,” the nurse confirmed, Mason’s heart beating faster for you, “she’s being transferred to a private room, and you’ll be able to see her there. We will have to keep her overnight, and we don’t allow visitors during the night. But visiting hours open at 6 tomorrow morning. Mason just nodded, he’d do whatever to see you again.

After an hour of waiting, he was finally allowed into your room. You were still groggy but upon seeing Mason’s face, all was forgotten. Grateful was an understatement, you’d been lucky enough to see Mason again. He sat down beside you, hand slipping through the wires and into your own, squeezing it gently.

“Hello, bubs.” He whispered, afraid of his voice breaking from the tears that had started back up again. You smiled weakly at him, biting you lip to contain your smile. “How you feeling?”

“Like death, if I’m honest.”

“You still look gorgeous even after being in a car wreck.” Mason admitted, brushing the hairs away from your eyes. The tiny cuts and stitches were dotted around your face, but your eyes still gleamed hopefully. Like they did when you first met.

You couldn’t hold it in anymore, “I’m sorry.” You cried, trying to turn away from Mason but it hurt to do so. Your whole body ached from being slammed into so hard.

“There’s not a thing to be sorry for, bubs.” Mason assured you, the pads of his thumbs wiping your tears away, “forget about the argument. Spend as much time as you want with your family, I don’t care. I’m just glad to still have you.”

“I should spend more time with you,” you mumbled into his hand, kissing his palm softly, “I’m sorry for not being around much. We need to make time for each other.” Mason just nodded, so full of joy to have you back with him.

[yesimwriting]

Solace (part 2)

SOLACE (part 2)

A part two but kinda works as a stand alone!!

A/n y’all seemed to like the first one so I thought I’d make a part two :)) This was NOT meant to be a series but now I kind of have an idea to make this a mini series where each part is kind of a blurb that connects to the last part and I think I might do that. 

Pairing: General Kirigan/the Darkling x Heartrender! reader

Summary: The day after you go visit General Kirigan at night is also the day he decides he can become more honest about his intentions for you. The softness of it all is starting to get to you but you have a good friend to remind you that it’s okay to feel happy. 

-- 

The sunlight peers into the room shyly. It stirs me awake into a soft bliss. Warmth. When was the last time I woke up feeling so warm? So rested? I squint my eyes open, still calm. But when my vision finally adjusts, I feel like ice all over again. This is not where I’m supposed to be. 

Memories of sneaking here in the darkness of night, speaking to Kirigan so freely, and then letting him convince me to stay. He had seemed to want me here then, in the night when loneliness finds easy prey in even the most hardened individuals...but now, in the morning sunlight--he’ll regret it. We made it clear I’d stay only that night--and that night is now gone. Maybe he expects me to be gone before he rises. I know that’s what most men expect after taking company for the night, but we didn’t exactly partake in activities like that. I think what we did is worse. 

Relations like that are about desire, falling asleep with someone else borders on intimacy. One misstep and who knows what I’ll invoke? I shift my gaze upwards, careful to not move in hopes of not disturbing the arms he’s draped across my back, holding me to him. Kirigan seems different in sleep, softer. His features are still sharp, but there’s something gentle about seeing him vulnerable. Something about the way his lashes brush against his cheeks and his lips stay parted just slightly. This moment can never repeat itself. It can never happen again, so I’ll have to hold onto this. 

Cautiously, I prepare to slip out of his grasp even though it feels like its the only thing tethering me to this world. I touch his first hand, moving it off of me slowly. I wait a second, and when he remains unstirring I move his other hand. 

“What are you so eager for, little wolf?” The raspy, tired quality of his voice leaves my stomach fluttering. His words jar me so much I find myself frozen. 

He reaches lazily, placing an arm on the center of my back, trying to ease me back into place. “It’s morning now.” 

His thumb brushes up and down my back in a way meant to lull me. “I’m the Shadow Summoner, the night lasts as long as I want it to.” He lets out an easy breath, “And I’m prolonging it.” 

Ignoring the warmth the implications of his words bring, I decide to focus on how dramatic he is. “Dramatic even so early in the morning.” 

Kirigan’s eyes flutter open, the slightest smile playing at the edge of his lips. “Watch yourself, little wolf.” There is no malice in his voice, only something hinting at teasing too humane for me to trust. 

I roll my eyes, letting his fingers brush wherever he wants them to--up and down my back, down the arms I am too aware of. The desire to touch him easily, casually, just to prove that I have that privilege. I stretch, pushing down thoughts of rejection as I place a hand on his chest. He pauses, one hand frozen in place on my back. Slowly, he moves his hand away from me. I tense, preparing to retract my hand. He catches my hand before I can pull it away, moving it towards him easily until my hand is against his cheek. 

“Y/n.” He’s called me my name so few times, and the restraint in his voice leaves me unnerved. “Will you wear a black kefta today?” 

His color. Perhaps he meant the promise of solace more literally than I thought. Anyone who sees me will think I’ve been claimed by him in one way or another. Perhaps I have been. The thought stirs my chest, moving me in a way I can’t distinguish as a positive or negative. I feel myself being ensnared in a lovely trap, but when I look at him, at the honesty burning in his gaze, it’s almost as if he’s asking me to claim him. 

“Yes.” Again the word leaves me as if willed by some outside force. 

Kirigan’s intensity dwindles slightly. His hand drops from over mine, but I keep mine on his cheek, running my thumb across his skin. “You’ll do good for me today, little wolf.” His words leave no room for argument. I think speaking like that is a talent of his. “You always do so good for me.” The admiration in his words melt something in me, my entire body warmed in a way I don’t understand. Kirigan brushes his knuckles across my cheek again. 

I’ve been silent for too long, each second I waste inflating his ego. “You’re suspiciously nice in the mornings.” 

“You’re only skeptical because you never let anyone take care of you.” His words are chiding and the implication of them leaves my face warm. “So much promise,” he muses, hand trailing down my jawline, “So much power,” his fingers skim down my neck and across my collarbone. “I wonder what someone like you could do with an amplifier.”

An amplifier. I’ve seen them in use, and knowing what I could do with something that strengthens my already abrasive abilities. I could be a monster so easily. Kirigan must see some of my concern because he’s quick to sit up a little more in order to close the distance between us the way he did last night. He brushes his lips against my collarbone in a way that leaves me distracted by wanting. A wanting for what, I’m not sure. I ease into his touch. 

“Today everyone will know what you are.” His voice is gentle against the base of my neck. “And they will know that we are meant to be equals.” 

I feel the need to panic rise in my chest, but it’s dulled by the warmth his lips leave against my skin. “I’m only a Heartrender, I can’t be your equal.” 

“You are,” he whispers, so assured, “With a heart as good as yours you may even be more.”

His words are too weighted for so early in the morning, but there is always tension with him. Shadows are meant to be weightless but I think they’re like anything else--carry enough of them and eventually you’ll break. 

When he straightens I move to follow him, pressing a quick kiss against his cheek. “You’re good, too.” There has to be goodness in him. No one capable of such warmth and gentleness can be made up entirely of wicked things. 

“You claimed I was a villain.” 

Did my words really impact him so? “My opinion isn’t law.” 

Something strange flickers across his features. “It might as well be.” 

I swallow back a bundle of nerves. “Sometimes I’m wrong.” 

The words crack something vulnerable in me. A part of me thinks he can feel the part of me that’s breaking in hopes of offering him something. 

“You really are my solace.” I don’t know how to reciprocate such a gilded sentiment. 

I rest my head against his shoulder, taking his hand. “I’m glad to be that.” 

He squeezes my hand. “We should go get ready before people start to notice our absence.” 

I consider reminding him what he told me last night, but he has a point. There’s a difference between a rumor of me pacing in the night and both of us showing up late at the same time. Still though, a part of me is already grieving this version of Kirigan. Outside of this room his coldness will return. ‘Just for tonight’. We had agreed on that. But when the night ended, and the morning sun colored us both sane again, he had asked me to wear his color. 

“I’ll go get dressed,” I stay still. 

Kirigan runs his thumb over my knuckles. “I’ll have a black kefta sent to you.”

That has to mean something. Wait--do I want it to mean something? I pull my hand away from his stiffly, standing because I know the longer I’ll wait the worse it will be. “I’ll see you during training.” 

“My door will be unlocked after.” 

At that, my chest swells. He’s offered me an opening. “Good to know.” 

His eyes narrow slightly at my coyness. “Find me after?” 

“Only because you’re nicer in here.” He wants me to come back. 

--

The black kefta does not feel like my own. The color is too alluring, too dark and enthralling. It is not meant for someone like me. It feels borrowed, but I’m not entirely uncomfortable. It’s almost like he’s still with me, keeping me from being alone. 

When I walk down the halls, I feel the stares of the others sticking to me like tar. They barely tolerated me before--the grisha plucked from the slums after a fateful night in which Kirigan saw the extent of my abilities. 

“New clothes, l/n?” 

Julian’s words coax an easy smile from me. Always so open, so accepting. Even now he doesn’t pester me about the black kefta. “I barely noticed.” 

My lack of real response earns me a playful glare. “Is that the only explanation I get? Moving up the ranks without me?” 

I roll my eyes. He’s joking, but he’s drawing more eyes to me. “I’m not leaving you, Julian.” He’s been too good a friend for me to leave. “Nothing’s changed except the color of my clothing.” 

“Good.” Julian’s lips twitch upwards, offering me the kind of smile that’s earned him many trysts with many women. “I’d miss you too much.” 

And while I doubt that my disappearance would do anything else than up his popularity, I appreciate the sentiment. “Oh I’m sure you’d find a way to find company.” 

He half laughs, “What are you implying of my virtue?”

Laughing, I roll my eyes as we continue to walk down the halls. “You’re not as funny as you think you are.” 

Julian reaches for me, touching my forearm. I stall. “In all seriousness, y/n, I really appreciate your friendship.” 

Aw. Never did I think I’d have so many people to appreciate here. I think of Kirigan, of the vulnerability in his words and the new facet of him I saw last night that I somehow always knew he had in him. He may be a villain, or just one in the making, but he is more than a dark shadow. I find myself releasing I appreciate Kirigan too. It’s different than the way I care about Julian, more fragile, but it’s still a relationship I’ve created here. 

I look down at the space where his hand touches my forearm. “I really appreciate your friendship, too. You’ve gotten me through a lot.”

“You need to give yourself some credit.” He releases my arm, turning to continue to walk forward. 

I turn as well, “You should too.”

 I look forward, and there, in the near distance is Kirigan. He’s staring at me, eyes lacking everything he had earlier. I offer him a small smile. He does not return it, his drops slowly to the ground. Weird. I guess he’s just turning on his indifference for a day of training. He asked me to wear his color, he asked me to come back. 

Does he regret it? Maybe it was a premature request for me to wear his color so publicly. His gaze finds mine again, and with a tilt of his head he gestures for me to follow him.

--

General taglist: @theincredibledeadlyviper

[jt-artsandfics]

If you’re still doing asks/imagines could I request Dad Bi-Han ones? 🥺 I’m weak for him being a Father. Thank you love! 💙

Y'all are getting Dad Bi-han becuase I say so. And becuase I also want Dad Bi-han with a passion man makes me want to riot.

Warning: Almost sex scene, cock blocking. Family time mainly fluffy stuff.

Dad Bi-han

Head cannons.

-this man is protective of his partner as it is, and throw in them being pregnant he will glare at everyone and everything. Does not matter if it is his little brother or some random on the street. No one is getting within five meters of his S/o if he can help it.

-man doesn't know how to paint.

-as much as he would love a son he would spoil his child regardless.

- he doesn't want his child/children to be part of the Lin Kuei if he can help it. He'd rather they take after his S/o if anything.

- he is very soft with his S/o when they are pregnant, he stays with them as much as he physically can.

-Man has seen alot of gore but does not wish to put you thought the pain of birth again.

-even fucking softer when his child is born. He's so afraid to hold them becuase of his body temperature. He doesn't want to hurt his child.

-will sleep with his child between him and his S/o he moves the room aroudn so that the bed is in a corner away from Windows so that his S/o is agaisnt wall while his child is between then. Becuase If anyone comes in they will have to go thought him before they can even thought his family.

-family is strange for him, he doesn't wish to turn out bad, and he dreads that he will look in the mirror and see a reflection of a man he isn't.

-promises he made to himself. To never hit is S/o or his child, to do the best to keep them way for his "work" as much as possible becuase he does not ewant them to come to harm.

- he sings lightly too his child, he doesn't believe he can sing but only does it for his little one. His S/o hides on the otherside of the wall to listen to him sing.

- Kuai laing is the only one who knows about Bi-han's family and it was becuase he accidently meet Bi-han's S/o very early in thier relationship.

----------

Fatherly love.

Bi-han had been away for nearly a week. He had hoped not to be gone for so long, he walks up the small path that leads up to the small cabin. The snow fell lightly reminding Bi-han that he is finally home. He sees the door slam open and a blur of pale blue and black clothing come running out.

"Fùqīn!, Fùqīn! Your home!" His daughter yells as she runs towards him, her hair almost floating behind her as he runs to him. He almost rips his mask off as he sweeps his daughter off her feet and spins her around. "Wǒ de xiǎo ài diayu" he says holding her close. "Missed you Fùqīn" she laughs as she rest her head against his shoulder. He hums lightly as be carries her back to the cabin.

"Now where is your Nari?" He ask as he walks them inside. "Nari! Nari!, Fùqīn is back" she yells as she basically climbs down her father. His s/o makes their presents known as their daughter runs up to them. The pick her up before making their way to Bi-han.

"Hello my love" is the first thing he say, his S/o smiles wrapping their spare arm around their husband. "Missed you Bi, but I think your daughter missed you more" they say leaning in to kiss him. "I've missed you both, I'm sorry I was gone longer then I anticipated." He replys giving his partner a kiss on the lips before placing one on his daughters head.

"I'll let you spend sometime with her while I finish up dinner, I should have enough for all of us" they say smiling lightly. Bi-han sets down his bag along with his equipment before he lays down on the floor beside his daughter. "Daddy, do you think tomorrow we can do training again?, I wanna learn how to make snow crowns" she says while flopping down on his chest.

He laughs lightly. "I don't see why we can't do that Ai-Daiyu, but let's lay here for a bit, I'm tired and we will have dinner soon, but tomorrow we can make as any as you would like" he replys to his daughter pulling her closer too him. They both lay there until his partner calls them for dinner. "Lets go eat Ai-Daiyu"

"Hello my love" Bi-han says as he pulls his lover into his embrace. They rest their head against his shoulder and the sway lightly to the music playing on the small stereo in their bedroom. "Hi baby, I missed you" his S/o says leaning up to claim his lips in a kiss.

Bi-han effortlessly picks his lover up wrapping their legs around his waist had he walks them over to the bed. "And I have missed you my love" he says beginning to trail kisses down his S/o's neck. He kisses them again enjoying finally being home with his lover.

They both nearly miss the knock on the door. But Bi-han hears it and groans before rolling off his lover. The door too their bedroom opens slightly. "Nari, Fùqīn can I sleep in here with you tonight?" She ask holding her stuffed polar bear. Bi-han looks to his lover before smiling to his daughter. "Come up" he says and her smile brightens as she climbs up into the bed.

"Thank you Nari, Fùqīn" she says as she cuddles In between them. She falls asleep rather quickly once her father wraps his arms around her. "Getting cock blocked by our daughter already" his S/o mumbles earning a small nudge from their husband. "Behave" he says lightly. "And I thought I'd be the one telling you to behave Bi-han" they say leaning over to press a kiss too their daughters forehead before kissing their husband.

"Don't tempt me Love, you remember how Ai-Daiyu happened, and I do so love taking bathes with you" he taughts lightly earning him a flick on the nose. "Love you, you dork" they say snuggling closer.

"I love you too my sweet snowflake" they both lay their quietly before Bi-han speaks up again. "Bathroom tomorrow night, I intent to enjoy a bath" he says before closing his eyes and processing to fall asleep with the two most important things in his live.

------

Ai-Daiyu (name of Bi-hans daughter in my fic from now on.)

Nari- gender neutral term for parent.

Fùqīn - father.

[sushi0989]

Pick Me If You Want To (part 1)

Summary: Set in the early 1950s, you are an aspiring photographer that is currently working at a toy store until you make your big break. During a surge of Christmas shopping, you are first met by Wanda Maximoff, a mother of twin boys and married. She leaves her gloves, which gives you the opportunity to meet her again. She takes fond of you, and you of her, but her messy divorce with her husband, Vision, risks the custody of her twins. Does she continue your blossoming relationship or fight for her kids? Based on the movie Carol

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Warnings: none (i think)

Word Count: 4823

A/N: I actually thought of this idea in the middle of the night while lying in bed and I literally jumped out of bed to write it down haha. I have 2 parts written so far and I plan on having 4 parts in total. I’m also not sure if I want to include smut because in the movie they hook up once, but I’ll think about it. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy :)

Christmas was the most hectic time of the year, for shopkeepers especially. You were struggling to stay afloat during the Christmas present buying palooza. The customers kept flowing in searching for the perfect toy for their child or nephew or grandchild, constantly asking what was the best of the best. Not to mention, the annoying Santa hat perched on your head was a little too big for you, so it kept sliding off and obstructing your view. Your shift ended ten minutes from now, you only had to keep at this for ten more minutes, you assured yourself.

That was when a woman walked in: curled chestnut red hair falling just above her shoulders, red lipstick glistening in the store lights, and wore a tan coat over her light blue dress with matching gloves. She looked at the different products quizzically as you tried not to stare. She began to come to your area at the counter, so you pretended you were writing in the sales slip.

"Hello, sorry to be a bother, but I was wondering if you could help me?" the woman asked you, her voice was warm but also had a richness to it you couldn't quite describe. Perhaps like honey.  "Of course, ma'am. How could I be of assistance?" you responded with your customer service voice, perky and obnoxious, two things that you were not.

"I was hoping to get something for my twin boys, but I'm not quite sure what I should get them, you see. I was wondering if you could point me in the right direction," she continued, her eyebrows furrowed while addressing you, her green eyes not leaving yours.

Your thoughts about annoying customers disappeared all for this woman. There was just something about her that made you drawn to her, but what was it? "May I suggest a model train? It would be a great gift to share between the two of them," you suggested. The woman felt that she could trust you with anything, you had this energy that she wanted to relish in, but your interaction only lasted for 2 minutes. You gestured to the model train showcase behind the woman and she nodded in agreement. "Yes, I think I would like to order that, thank you, doll," she said to you, your stomach fluttering at the nickname.

"Could I get your name please?" you asked so you could fill out the sale slip, you tried maintaining your professional composure. "Wanda Maximoff," she answered. You asked her to sign the bottom of the page, and she took her gloves off and placed them on the counter beside her to do so, your eyes glanced at her gold wedding band on her ring finger. You stared away to check on other customers as she signed and you noticed an older woman who appeared to be needing help. "If you would excuse me, I need to help another customer. Darcy over here will help you with the purchase," you told Mrs. Maximoff as you made your way to the old woman by the action figures.

She nodded her head and watched you as you turned away. Darcy came over to Mrs. Maximoff and assisted her with the payment, but as Mrs. Maximoff was leaving, she was so focused on you that she had left her gloves sitting on the counter. When you were about to leave for home, you noticed the light blue gloves still lying on the counter, but Wanda was nowhere to be found. 

You went to your boss, "Mr. Stark, it looks like one of our customers has left their gloves," you stated with a ring of fear that he might get angry. He crossed his arms and huffed, "well then go look at the sales slip and contact them." You nodded, "yes sir," and pulled out the sales slip for the day. There was written, 'Wanda Maximoff' along with her address and phone number. You wrote the address down on a separate envelope and placed the gloves inside and mailed it off on your walk home. 

 You got back to your apartment, and much to your disappointment, your boyfriend was there, too. "Hey, baby," he said as you walked into the living room, engulfing you into a hug that you weren't really in the mood for. "Hey, Steve," you said into his chest trying to pull away, the strong scent of cologne invaded your nostrils. He wasn't a terrible person, but you couldn't stand him most of the time by his 'lovey-doveyness'. Your first year with him was great, your love felt pure, but over time it felt bland and repetitive. He, however, was infatuated by you, always wanted to be with you in every waking moment like a puppy. 

"Come to France with me," he whines, but you've already told him dozens of times that you didn't want to. You were in the midst of potentially getting signed on as a photographer for The New York Times thanks to your friend, Bruce, who works there. "I already told you no," you groaned, walking away to put your bag down and ready to shower. "Come on, I have so many things planned for us," he pleaded, but you didn't want to hear it and locked yourself in your room. Little did you know, he wanted to propose to you with a candlelit dinner on the Eiffel Tower.

"Open the door," he knocked aggressively, but you didn't want to deal with him right now, or else you would say things that you wouldn't be able to take back. "I'm tired, I'm going to take a shower and crawl into bed," you groaned through the door. "Why don't I join in," he murmured seductively. "Not today, I'm not feeling it," you replied flatly. Steve sighed and walked off, now relieved, you gathered your showering items and went to the bathroom.

Wanda arrived back at her home late at night, her sons running up to her as she walked through the door of her grand estate in New Jersey. Vision, her husband, gave her an irritated expression as she hugged her children. "Go off to bed, kids, I need to talk to Daddy," she cooed and kissed the tops of their heads and they ran off up the spiral staircase. 

"Took you long enough to get home."

"Well I was running errands," Wanda huffed and went over to the cupboard that contained alcohol and poured herself a glass of whiskey. She walked over to a chair in the living room and sat with her legs crossed eyeing her irritated husband. 

"Errands," Vision chuckled dryly. "It's my turn to sleep in the bedroom, you can stay in the guest room tonight," he seethed while going up the stairs and slamming the bedroom door shut. 

Wanda sighed as she chugged her drink and slumped further into the chair. Once the divorce was finalized she could finally be free from his judgment. She could do whatever. Wanda eventually went upstairs and quietly entered the room of her sleeping boys, giving them each other kisses and tucking them in as they were fast asleep.

In the morning, Wanda received a package with her gloves inside, the return address reading 'Stark's Toy Emporium.' 

Wanda picked up the phone and called the store.

"Hello, this is Stark's Toy Emporium, Tony Stark speaking," a man answered, seeming to be in a rush. "Hello, I just received my gloves I misplaced at your store in the mail, I was wondering if I could thank whoever found them," Wanda replied.

Soon you were being called over by Tony, his eyes rolled in annoyance, as per usual. You quickly grabbed the phone hoping it wasn't Steve, "Hello?"

"Hi! This is Wanda, I just wanted to thank you for sending my gloves," she chimed through the speaker. "Oh it was nothing ma'am," you replied, trying to shake off the feeling you were getting from this woman's voice. "Well, I was wondering if I could take you out to lunch as thanks," she invited, her voice was a bit softer, deeper than before. "No, ma'am it's okay, it wasn't that big of a deal," you answered back. "Oh come on now, it's my treat. I'll see you at 2 pm at Barnes' Bistro," she hung up the phone before you could object.

It was already noon, only two more hours before you had to awkwardly make small talk with a woman you very well are intimidated by for some odd reason. You hung the phone back on its receiver and returned to work, the rush of people continued through till the end of your shift. There was not even a moment of rest before your lunch. You masked your exhaustion as you entered the restaurant, the aroma of cigarette smoke mixed with delicious food circulated the air, but you would take this scent over Steve's cologne any day. 

A waiter noticed you enter and greeted you, "Good afternoon, ma'am, do you have a reservation?" You quickly scanned the restaurant and noticed the top of the chestnut red hair in the back corner. "Um, I believe the name is Maximoff, I see her back there," you pointed in the direction of the redhead. "Ah yes, Mrs. Maximoff, right this way ma'am," he gestured for you to follow him towards the back of the restaurant. It was rather dimly lit, the booths were occupied either by two men in business suits or a man and a woman, all of whom were smoking a cigar or cigarette.

"And here you are," the young waiter said as you stood at the end of the table, Mrs. Maximoff glancing up meeting your eyes. Her fingers also held a smoking cigarette, but you didn't mind since it was the norm, however, you personally didn't smoke. "You made it!" she exclaimed quickly, getting up and kissing both of your cheeks as a greeting. You awkwardly smiled and sat across from her in the booth seating. 

"What drink would you like, ma'am?" the waiter asked. "Oh, uh, water should be fine, thank you," you replied quietly, your nervousness could be detected from miles away, but Mrs. Maximoff seemed to be shocked for some odd reason. "Water? No dear, let me treat you to something nice, could you get her a glass of Chianti?" she requested and the waiter nodded enthusiastically and rushed off. Mrs. Maximoff took one last puff of her cigarette before putting it out in the ashtray.

"So, I don't think I ever got your name, dear," she began. "Y/n Y/l/n" you answered quickly. "That's a pretty name for a pretty girl," she smiled and picked up her glass of red wine and took a swig. Your face blushed at the compliment, you looked down at your hands fiddling with the spoon on the table to avoid her eyes. The waiter came back with the glass of red wine meant for you and placed it next to your hand. "Thank you, Peter," Mrs. Maximoff said to him. He nodded his head before dashing off again.

"How long have you been working at the toy store?" she questioned. "It'll be one year next month, it's just a side thing," you answered embarrassed to mention your true dream. "Well, what is it you want to do?" she raised an eyebrow. "I uh- I'm a photographer," you stammered. "That's very intriguing, y/n" she complimented, you were flustered by the use of your name.

"Have you had any success in finding a job relating to photography?"

"I just met with a photo editor at the New York Times last weekend, I have to put together a portfolio and send it off to them to be considered for a position," you explained, finally looking up at her and putting your spoon down. "That sounds exciting! You must show me your work!" Mrs. Maximoff exclaimed with genuine excitement. Steve would complement your photography, but it felt half-hearted, maybe it's because he didn't want you to overshadow him someday.

After lunch as the two of you headed out, Mrs. Maximoff and you exchanged a farewell. "Thank you again for the lunch, Mrs. Maximoff," you thanked her in a quick hug. "Oh, it was my pleasure. And please call me Wanda, you're making me feel quite old. How about I give you my number and we can meet again?" she offered and you couldn't help but nod. As much as you weren't keen on continuing this friendship or relationship or whatever was happening, you felt like this woman understood you in a way no one else did.

You decided to go visit Bruce to thank him for getting the meeting with the photo editor. The thought of Wanda's phone number written on a slip of paper in your handbag added pep to your step as you strolled into the office building. You walked up to the front desk saying you were going to visit a friend, "Mr. Banner is on floor 11," she said. The elevator let you off on the floor and you saw Bruce in his office typing away on his typewriter. 

"Y/n! What a pleasant surprise to see you here!" he beamed and got up from his desk to give you a kiss on the cheek. "I figured I should stop by since you're the reason my dreams have a chance of becoming a reality now," you smiled and took a seat across from his desk. "It was no problem, your talent would add so much to the paper. You're also welcome here whenever," Bruce stated leaning back in his armchair. 

"Where are my manners? Let me get something to drink! I've got whiskey, gin-" "I just had a drink actually," you countered declining his offer.

"What's one more drink gonna do? Come on, live a little!" he pressured you and got up to go to the corner of his office to pull out two glasses and a bottle of gin. "Fine, only this once," you caved in. He poured two drinks and handed you one. The gin went smooth, but it still burnt your throat, however, you were able to mask it. 

"How are things with you and Steve?" Bruce inquired with skepticism, which you found a little out of character, but the alcohol toiled with your mind and proceeded to spill all of your thoughts. "He wants me to go to France with him even though I've told him not so many times. I can't deal with him anymore, but I've been with him for so long now that I feel bad to end things," you confessed, making Bruce intrigued. He leaned on his desk directly in front of you.

"Is there someone else you think is causing you to lose interest in him?" Bruce asked in a low tone and leaned towards you a little bit, but still your slightly tipsy self didn't see the red flag. "I mean, I haven't really thought about that," you answered pondering, thoughts of Wanda flashing in your mind, but you were quickly brought back to reality when Bruce's lips were on yours.

You shrieked, forcing him to pull away. You angrily got up, "what the hell, Bruce?!" you scolded him. "I'm sorry! You weren't reacting when I was leaning closer to you so I just went in!" he defended his actions. "God! All men are the fucking same!" you complained and downed your drink before rushing out of his office. Bruce rubbed his forehead realizing the mistake he made, but it was too late to take it back now.

You arrived back in your apartment to emptiness, Steve was nowhere to be found. Thank god, you thought. You stumbled onto your pea-green sofa and laid there in anguish. Nothing seemed to appease you, nothing went your way. As soon as these thoughts rang in your head, your telephone rang as well. You groaned as you begrudgingly made your way to the kitchen where the phone was hung. 

"Hello?" you groaned in a tired and yet apathetic voice which Wanda was a bit surprised to hear. 

"Hi, sweetie, it's Wanda!" 

You held your breath realizing you rudely answered the woman. You cleared your throat and corrected your shoulders before speaking again. "Hi- uh I'm- hi!" you stuttered, grumbling to yourself for this embarrassing encounter. 

"I was calling to invite you over to my house, I would love to have you over," Wanda said, biting her lip hoping that you would say yes. She twirled the cord connecting to the receiver around her finger patiently waiting for your answer.

"Oh, really? I mean, I can. I don't have a car though-"

"I can pick you up!" Wanda interrupted with excitement. "When are you free this week, dear?" 

"I'm free tomorrow," you replied with a smile to contain yourself. "I'll come tomorrow at noon then," Wanda concluded, little did you know just how much she was looking forward to seeing you and your adorable self. She couldn't get enough of you, and neither could you get enough of her.

Steve never came home that night, and you didn't care one bit. He was a nuisance to your life, especially right now since he knew how much this photography opportunity meant to you, but his pestering was going to make you snap and break his heart at any second.

You looked your best self, wearing a navy blue blouse with black trousers. It wasn't that common for women at the time to be wearing such things, it was more progressive, however, all you cared about was comfort. You occasionally would wear dresses, but you preferred pants and a shirt. You could say that it was for Wanda, but it was for yourself. People, particularly women, would examine your modern style as appalling, but not Wanda. You figured why not be comfortable and stylish. 

You made a small breakfast before Wanda arrived. You had a bit of a headache from all of the alcohol you had the day before, but that was barely on your mind. All you could think about was making sure you looked presentable as did your apartment before Wanda came. You just finished drying the last dish when you heard a knock on your door. You dried your hands with the dish towel before scurrying to quickly let Wanda in. 

There she was, standing in a red coat that hugged her figure in all of the right ways. She wore a beige dress underneath, hidden by the boldness of the coat that you couldn't keep your eyes off of. She was also wearing a matching red hat that looked beautiful with her chestnut hair. 

"Ready to go?" she asked, seemingly in a hurry. "Yes, let me get my bag," you turned around and grabbed your bag off of the coffee table, inside holding your wallet and your camera just in case there was an opportunity to shoot. 

You walked with Wanda side by side in a comfortable silence until you reached her car. You sat on the passenger side, which was connected with the driver's seat. 

"Would you like any music?" Wanda inquired as she pulled out of the parking spot on the curb. "I'll listen to whatever you do," you answered. You didn't listen to music all that much, you didn't have the time to nor did you have a radio. 

"I like to drive in silence, the sound of the wind soothes me," Wanda replied. You turned your head and saw how the cool wind tousled Wanda's hair around, but never did it ruin her perfect curls. 

"There's a Christmas tree farm on the way that I wanted to check out if that's okay with you," Wanda imparted quickly glancing at you but focused on the road. "That's fine, I don't mind," you said. Wanda's cheeks feathered a light pink, delighted that you agreed. She soon pulled into the small but crowded Christmas tree market. There was Christmas music playing, kids laughing and sprinting around completely oblivious to the disgruntled shouts by their parents, and the occasional newlywed couple admiring what tree was to be their first one.

"You can stay in the car if you'd like, I'm just going to pay for one and bring it back some other time," Wanda was saying to you standing right out of the passenger window. You didn't even notice her get out of the car let alone walk around to get your attention away from the beautiful scene you were watching. "That's fine, you go ahead," you answered, glancing up at her face. 

Wanda turned around and made her way towards the clerk, the cool winter breeze ruffling her coat and hair. Your attention was now focused on the woman, how her smile stretched from ear to ear, her mannerisms like how she would play with the ring on her finger while speaking to someone, or how she would partially bite her lip while thinking of a response to a question in conversation.

Your hand automatically reached for your bag and pulled out your camera. You stepped out of the car and shot some candid photos of Wanda, capturing her elegance. As Wanda finished up, you took pictures of the rest of the scene you were so enthralled in before Wanda had caught your attention again. Once you were satisfied, you went back into the car and wrote your name onto the foggy window. 

"Dirtying my car I see," Wanda teased, making you tense up. "I'm sorry, I'll wipe it-"

"I'm just kidding, you're so uptight! Let loose! I don't bite," Wanda assured you, but you still held your breath around her. You didn't want her to think badly of you, to set her off in any kind of way even though you barely know this woman. You responded to her with a weak smile to exemplify that you understood her suggestion, you reprimanded your subconscious for looking into her enchanting eyes.

She got into the driver's seat once again, only her left hand gripped the steering wheel while her right hand rested on her lap. After another 20 minutes, you arrived at her home. It was evening by the time you got there, the sunset earlier in the winter, but the area around her room was beautifully lit. It was just as you imagined, a large estate with a grand yard filled with all kinds of bushes and flowers surrounding it. 

"Wow," you gawked in amazement. You both entered and your head swiveled to take in all of the details perfectly situated around her home. Your eyes lingered at a family portrait of her, her twin children, and what appeared to be her husband, a tall man who had a strained smile, forced, no true happiness lying beneath it. There was no one in the home, was what you thought at first until you heard the giggles of children emanating from upstairs.

"Billy! Tommy! What are you doing?" Wanda shouted, her hands on her hips facing to look up the spiral staircase in the direction of the laughter. "We're just playing, Momma!" one of them shouted back from the bedroom. 

Wanda turned back to face you and sighed. "They can be a handful, but I'm just glad they have one another to keep each other entertained." You nodded in understanding, you had younger siblings who were reckless little misfits that you had to take care of, so you knew exactly what it was like. 

You noticed a beautiful grand piano located in a room beside the dining area and your legs automatically took you towards it. You hand caressed the top, you had never seen such a luxurious piano, you've only ever played cheap upright ones. "Can you play?" you asked Wanda, your eyes still admiring the ivory keys. 

"Sadly, I cannot. My husband can, but he hasn't touched it in years," Wanda confessed, a twinge of disappointment in her tone. "Can you?"

"I can, but I'm not the greatest," you chuckled dryly. "Oh, you shouldn't have said that, y/n because now I'm going to need to hear you play for me," Wanda smirked and walked over to you and the piano. "Oh gosh, I'd rather not. My hands probably have lost their ability and my voice-" 

"You sing, too?! Now I must hear you play and sing!" Wanda was elated, she leaned on the piano as your face heated up. You sighed knowing that you were a guest and you brought nothing to give, not even a bottle of wine. "Since I didn't bring you a gift for inviting me to your home, this can be it," you grinned nervously as you slowly sat on the bench and placed your hands on the keys. 

Your fingers automatically played a run, completely captivating Wanda at the effortless ability. You cleared your throat and began to sing.

"Everybody loves somebody sometime. Everybody falls in love somehow. Something in your kiss just told me, that sometime is now." You carried on singing, your voice lulling Wanda as she swayed to the song. She crept over and took a seat next to you on the piano bench as you continued playing, trying not to stutter your words when you felt her leg brush yours.

"Everybody loves somebody sometime. And though my dreams were overdue, your love made it all worth waiting for someone like you," you slowed the song and the piano still hummed the last note. Wanda placed her hand on your thigh and whispered, "that was absolutely beautiful." You shuddered by the touch and curled your toes. 

"My dad taught me how to play. He would always sing this song to my mother. He loved her so much, I swore that I one day want to love someone the way my dad loved my mom. When he passed, I would play this song for my mother in his place, but then she started to lose her memory and now she stays with my younger sister in New Haven," you explained solemnly. Wanda furrowed her eyebrows, her heart ached for you. She moved her hand from your thigh to your face, cupping your cheek.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I am certain, however, with that talent and song you can win over anyone's heart in under five seconds," she smiled and kissed your forehead. You blushed and looked deeply into her green eyes. You tried to capture this moment into your subconscious. She was no longer in her coat, just her beige dress, a pearl necklace, no gloves, and the same red lipstick. Her mouth was slightly open, she glanced down at your lips and began to close the gap.

The front door of the house abruptly opened and a man wearing a suit hiding underneath a black coat walked inside with a brown briefcase. Wanda quickly dropped her hand from your face and stood up. You turned away from her as well. He took notice of the tension and scowled.

"Wanda. You brought your antics into our home. My home. Under my roof. Already moved on from Monica and now you've brought someone else!" he fumed and aggressively put his briefcase down. "Don't yell in front of her, Vision! We can discuss this privately," Wanda hissed at him. 

"I'm taking the kids to Florida with me for Christmas, right now," he announced as he ran upstairs to their room. "You're what?! You didn't discuss this with me!" Wanda yelled at him running after him. He soon was holding each kid in either arm and pushed Wanda out of his way. "You can't do this!" she began to cry, but he ignored her, anger clouded all around him. There was a car outside with a chauffeur, Vision put them in the backseat. You stood there watching this all unfold, unsure of what to do. 

You rushed over to the front door to see Wanda sobbing while on her knees on the porch as the car drove off. You crouched down and embraced her, she put her arms around you and burrowed her face into the crook of your neck and shoulder. Her sobs wracked her entire body, her breathing was uneasy, so you rubbed circles on her back. She eventually calmed down and pulled away.

"I'll drive you to the train station," she said with her broken voice. You nodded your head, she needed time to herself and you were right now a reminder of what she just lost. "I'll call a cab, you should go get some rest," you responded and held her hand in yours. "Are you sure?" Wanda replied. You gave her a smile, which she took as her answer.

The cab arrived within ten minutes, Wanda waved goodbye, no hug or kiss on the cheek. You waved back through the window and the view of her became smaller and smaller as the cab drove off into the night.

[cuteykat]

Hello friend!! I have decided to ask something for my daddies favorite characters! If that's okay? I didn't see any rules or anything soooooo

I'mma just go on gut instinct

Maybe some fluffy cuddles with Lucci, Crocodile, Mihawk and Ace? (And anyone else you wanna throw in? Any daddies I missed) Oh and headcanons unless u wanna do scenario? Please and Thank you!!

Hello! Thank you for the request! These scenarios will be in short story form to I hope your okay with! They’re are two extra character I added in there too! I hope you enjoy

Ace: It was early morning sailing along on a winter island. Snow was failing everywhere and it was very cold. Everyone would usually be wearing something warmer, well except Ace.

Ace was walking along the ship until see you noticing how cold you were.

“ are you okay (name)?” He ask being a bit concerned

You look down before looking back up “ Ace do you think we could cuddle since it’s very cold?” You ask the fire man.

Ace was quiet embarrassed that you asked, his face turned bright red not knowing what to say at first but he nods his head walking over to you. He kneels down beside you hugging you tightly in his arms feeling like a heater

“ Thank you ace” you mumble and start to close your eyes. The man was like a living heater and you could peacefully fall asleep in his embrace. Shortly after you did fall asleep to which he smiles

“ Your so cute (name)” he picks you up gently bringing you to your bed so they could cuddle more.

Lucci: it was early morning in enbies lobby but no one could tell due to how it was always sunny night and day and the stars never showed themselves.

You were doing your regular task along the ships feeling sad. You didnt particularly know why you felt that way but you did. You kept a smile on your face to which most people would assume that you were happy except for Lucci. He could sense how you felt at any given moment, have it be due to the Neko neko fruit or just pure instinct. He wouldn’t go right up and ask but he would follow you around a bit till you were both in a secluded area. The man walks up to you having a small hint of worry on his face.

“ Something the matter?” He ask looking down at you

“ I guess I can’t really hide it Huh” you look down at the ground “ Just feeling sad, I don’t know why” you think about it till it hits you “ Maybe because I miss seeing the stars and moon. We don’t get to see it here and it’s just something I miss” you sign before smiling “ But thats okay! I enjoy being here”

Lucci nods and gets an idea “ Meet me by the gate at 7 pm alright?” He waits for your confirmation

“ Of course lucci sir” you say even though you were genuinely confused

Through out the day you felt a bit better but there were times you thought about the stars. All so beautiful in the sky.

In the afternoon lucci goes to speak with spandam “ I have something I have to do later tonight so I’ll be taking the night off” he says while rubbing hattori chin

“ What’s so important?” Spandam complains like a whiney child

“ None of your business” he retorts

“ Probably bringing (name) somewhere” Kaku says to which slightly embarrasses Lucci.

“ None of your business” lucci walks out

7 pm comes and you were standing outside the gate when seeing the man hold something that was like a picnic basket and a train comes around

“ Get on” the man instructs.

You both get on the train and it starts to ride having it be only the two of you. It was quiet but he opens up the Picnic basket to where they’re was a small home made meal along with some snacks before he opens up the window “ Take a look outside”

You mod and look outside, you were out of enbies lobby and you could see the stars. You start to cry at the nice gesture before he sits next to you holding you.

“ You said you were missing the night sky right? I thought I would let you see it again”

“ Thank you so much!”

You both cuddle and eat watching the night sky before you start to get tired.

You yawn and hug the men quietly thanking him before falling asleep.

“ If I could do this more with you I would” he puts his face into the crook of your neck as a shooting star flies by. Maybe the stars would grant that wish.

Mihawk: it was close to midnight, it was a rainy day after the whole sky be pitch black with no stars shining through at all. The whole day Mihawk had been busy running around unable to see you all day. And right as he gets a break he can see the red hair pirate walk in

“ Yo! I’m not interrupting anything am I?” Shanks says with a smile

“ Right as I get a break to. Come inside I guess. (Name) will be happy to see you” Mihawk says seeing shanks also had alcohol with him

“ Great!” Shanks says walking in going to the living room seeing you were wrapping something up

“ What are you up to (name)” shanks ask looking over

You jump looking surprised “ I’ll tell you but you can’t tell Mihawk”

The red hair man smiles “ deal!” He opens up some rum for the both of you

“ I made ( or bought depending on how you choose) this for Mihawk. I’ve been waiting till he wasn’t busy so I can give it to him but he been busy all day” you say holding the scarf in your hands clenching down on the fabric before seeing Mihawk walk in

“ Mihawk I-“

“ Sorry I’ve been quite busy today. Let’s drink alright?” Mihawk says not noticing it we’re holding something

“ y-yeah!” You put the scarf into pocket

A few hours hours and you were already drunk and leaning against the greatest swordsmen getting tired

“ mihawk~” you say looking at the men before hugging him “ love you” you fall asleep closing your eyes

Mihawk looks quite surprised only to see shanks laugh

“ What’s so funny shanks?” The man looks at shanks with his golden eyes like he was staring into his soul

“ She fell asleep before she could show you it” he points to your pocket “ Look in her left pocket”

Mihawk wonders what the hell the other man was talking about but reaches in your pocket and grabs a scarf

“ it’s a scarf”

“ Look at it closely!” Shanks laughs drinking more alcohol

Mihawk observes it and sees his name is engraved into the scarf making his face turn a light hue of red before wrapping it around his neck and hugging you tightly starting to cuddle you.

You smile in your sleep and mumble “ I love you Mihawk” you go back to being quiet

“ I love you too” he mumbles under his breathe before gently picking you up in his arms and starts to carry you to their shared room “ Goodnight shanks” he mentions.

“ Goodnight you lovers!” He laughs seeing how cute Mihawk was being to you

Mihawk sits both of you on the bed and he watches you with his golden eyes. He thought you were the most beautiful women he has ever seen.

“ Goodnight my love” he kisses your forehead and hugs you tighter falling asleep cuddling you the whole night.

Crocodile: it was about 8 Pm in Alabasta. The sun was setting meaning it was starting to get cold. The days were scorching hot and the nights were freezing cold. Crocodile had another busy day but that was usual for the man but usually once he would have seen you walking around to either have tea ( or coffee) or feeding the bananagators. He’s not one to worry much but for you it was different.

“ where could that women be?” He walks and goes to his bedroom to think but he sees you were in his bed not looking too good. Your face has a red hue to it and you had blankets wrapped around you. You looked sick but crocodile was surprised you were in his bed and not your own

“ What are you do-“ he saw that you were asleep and looking visibly in pain and before he could continue to think nico robin appeared

“ She almost passed out near your room Mr.0. I brought her here earlier this morning. She must of been asleep the whole day”

Crocoldile sighs “ Fine. Can you leave us two alone women”

Nico smiles and leaves the two of them alone

Crocodile looking at form seeing you were still shivering despite being under 3 blankets. His face had worry in it before going to the bathroom grabbing a thermometer.

You open your eyes slowly seeing the man walk over to you “ I’m sorry cr-“

“ Don’t talk” he puts the thermometer into your mouth and when hearing the beep he takes it out. You definitely had a fever. He goes to call a doctor but can feel your hand grab on his clothes

“Please cuddle with me” you ask before letting go. You were so tired that you couldn’t even keep your grip on the mans coat

Crocodile wouldn’t admit it but he did find it cute that such a strong women like you would ask for something like that. He would completely deny any one else but he sighs shaking his hand “ Alright” he gets in bed and wraps his coat around you knowing you like his coat before seeing you wrap your arms around his form and closing your eyes once again

“ Thank you crocodile” you fall asleep having your face show the real pain you were in once again.

The man hugs you lightly not wanting to hurt you but let’s put a small smile before frowning “ Your definitely seeing a doctor tomorrow. But for now I will cuddle with you. I love you (name) you are a very strong women and I can’t see you being sick” he goes and turns off the light “ Goodnight (name)” you both sleep the whole night together having crocodile keep your warm the whole night.

Sanji: it was 7 pm, the stars were shining beautifully through the night sky. Everyone had finished dinner but you had decided not to eat. You wanted to watch the stars in the sky and think about the solar system as a whole. They’re were so many theories out there but one that was always on your mind is that the people you missed were a star in the night watching over you to keep you safe. It had been a while since you were on the ship with your crew but you missed the people you love and watching the stars made you feel closer to them. You were so lost in the stars you didn’t even hear Sanji yell your name

“ (name)-chaaaaaannn!!” Sanji rushes over with food that he had saved for you but he sees that you were so intently looking at the stars that you didn’t even notice he was there, to which made him shock

“ (name)-Chan?” He says poking your shoulder to which makes you jump “ Didn’t mean to scare you but you never came to dinner so I saved you some food”

“ O-oh thank you Sanji-Kun” you smile a bit taking the food and give him a hug in thanks before eating quietly and watching the stars

Sanji felt like he could pass out at the women, your hugs were like a hug from the goddess, your smile was brighter then any star in the sky.

He goes and sits down next to you wanting to spend some time together

“ What are you thinking about cutie?” He ask to which your face gets bright red

“ I-I well” it takes you a moment before speaking again “ When I look at the stars it brings me peace. They’re are so many different things people believe in when thinking about the stars. But the first thing that comes to mind for me is the people you love, the people you miss. They are the stars in the night watching over you, protecting you to whoever may harm you. They are the guiding light in the night sky” you take a bit of your food almost chocking when Sanji hugs you close, smelling the strawberry shampoo in your hair “ Are you missing someone right now?” He ask rubbing your hair trying to soothe you

You hum and nod your head “ I love being with everyone here, it’s always a fun new adventure waiting to happen but...” you take a breathe “ I do miss some people in my life. Every day I’m grateful for being here with everyone but I do miss them”

“ It’s okay (name)-Chan. That’s completely normal feeling. Everyones loves you here but I love you more then anyone else on this ship. I’m always here for you” Sanji looks up at the stars

You finish your dinner and lean against the cook giving him a kiss on the cheek “ Can we stay like this for a bit longer? I know you have to clean up but being with you like this... it makes me happy”

“ of course darling, anything for you”

Both you and Sanji spend a long time in each other’s arms watching the stars in the sky and enjoy each other’s company.

Zoro: today had been quite a peaceful day on the ship to which was a very rare occasion but it did sometimes happen. You were able to relax peacefully, everyone doing there own things but all you could here was Zoro grunt when lifting weights. You knew he was lifting inhuman number of weights but he was being very loud today for some reason. You stop whatever your doing and try to walk to him but you start to fall off the ship and before you go overboard Zoro had dropped his weights and grabbed you quickly

“ Z-Zoro...” you look at the man “ T-thank you”

Zoro humans but starts to hug you tighter while putting his face into his shoulder seeing some of his crew mates staring

“ Zoro is something wro-“ before you could continue Zoro quickly lifted you up your feet and carried you both to your bedroom placing you on the bed

“ Zoro what’s going o-“

“ I want to cuddle with you (name)” a light blush forms on his face “ I wanted to all day but I couldn’t get the words out. But seeing you almost fall off the ship it-“

You go and kiss the swordsmen cheek smiling “ It’s okay. I would love to cuddle with you”

He grins and gets in bed with you. He wraps you both in a blanket before hugging you tightly. One big arm wraps around your body while the other plays with your hair. He loved you so much, toot smile, your laugh, the way you shine in the sun, the way you could make his day with a snap of the finger. Zoro would never have thought of falling in love but with you, it was a whole new feeling, one he would never want to stop.”

“ I love you (name)”

“ I love you too Zoro. Thank you for cuddling with me”

He hums and the rest of the day you both cuddle and talk having it be a peaceful but very nice day, to which you both will hold dearly in your hearts

Im sorry if there are any grammar mistakes as I didn’t check before hand due to it being my birthday and I wanted to get this out as quick as possible! Again I hope you enjoy!

[ifmywishescametrue]

First off, hope the date went well 😉

Second, I'd love to see what you come up with for Stony and the prompt "What are you doing in my kitchen at 3am?". I feel like it could be very sweet and funny. No rush, and only if you feel like it. Zero pressure ❤

thank you, it did go pretty well! hope you like what i came up with for this one :)

Tony is used to not sleeping. Three hours a night, maybe four if he’s lucky and the insomnia and nightmares take it down a notch for a bit. He knows how to cover the dark circles under his eyes with just the right amount of concealer, and he’s trained his body not to yawn anymore. He uses the extra hours for work, which is actually convenient because it allows him to keep up the illusion during the day that he doesn’t do very much. The illusion is good for him, he’s learned. Always better to have people underestimate him. 

Steve, however, is the early to bed and early to rise kind of guy. The kind that likes to pull Tony into his arms at the end of a date night and fall asleep together, and Tony doesn’t want to tell him that he never actually falls asleep on those nights. In the four months they’ve been together, Tony has become an expert of sneaking out and sneaking back in. He knows where all the creaky floorboards in Steve’s apartment are, and how the hinge on the bedroom door only makes a sound when it opens past 50 degrees. If he uses the lamp next to the couch instead of the overhead light, it’s enough to let him work without waking Steve. 

Sneaking back in is a little trickier, but he’s starting to get the hang of that, too. There are a few different variables that factor into when Steve will wake up, and if he does the calculations wrong and Steve starts to wake right as he’s crawling back under the blankets, he can always say that he was coming back from the bathroom. 

Tonight he figures he has at least until seven. Steve had two glasses of wine with his dinner, and they followed it with a failed experiment with edible body paint that turned into shower sex instead, which kept them up almost an hour later than usual. With those factors, Steve’s normal wake up with the sun routine is going to be thrown off a bit, and Tony plans on using that extra time to get even further ahead on his projects. 

He slips out of bed with the usual care, gently putting Steve’s arm on the bed where his own body once was and muffling his laugh behind his hand when Steve pulls the pillow closer to cuddle it in his sleep. He lingers just a little longer to look at him, and he feels that familiar ache of longing to be able to stay here with him instead. But his tossing and turning would only annoy them both, so he tiptoes out of the room and heads for the coffee machine in the kitchen. Making coffee in the dark is a skill he’s had for years. 

Leaning against the counter, he watches as the coffee starts to drop down into the pot and lets his mind drift off. He’s contemplating fixes for an overheating problem in the latest phone model when a voice makes him jump. 

“Baby, what are you doing in my kitchen at three am?”

Tony presses his hand to his chest, feeling the rapid beating of his heart as he recovers from the scare. He turns to see Steve rubbing the sleep out of his eyes in the archway to the kitchen, still dressed in just the boxers he went to bed in, but now hanging lower on his hips. 

“Um, nothing,” he tries, but it comes out sounding like a question. 

Steve comes closer, looks over Tony’s shoulder at the filling coffee pot, and frowns. “You’re making coffee?” 

“Yeah, I, uh, couldn’t sleep.”

Steve nods in understanding. His hands find Tony’s hips to pull him in, and he dips his head down to rest on Tony’s shoulder. Tony smiles and holds him right back. He loves the way Steve clings when he’s tired, even if it makes it harder to sneak away some nights. 

“Come back to bed with me,” Steve murmurs, lips brushing against Tony’s neck. He starts to move back, taking Tony along with him, but Tony shakes his head.

“I’m not tired.”

“You only slept a couple hours. ‘s not enough.”

Tony shrugs and offers a small smile, aiming for casual,  “I’ll come back later, okay? Try not to wake you up, either.”

He must not sell it well, because Steve’s frown deepens into concern. “What’s keeping you up? Is something wrong?”

“No, no,” Tony reassures. “Just, uh, had some ideas, and I don’t want to lose them.”

Steve must accept that, because he leans in to kiss Tony’s cheek. “Okay,” he says, leaving a second kiss on his lips. “Just come back when you’re done. Don’t care if you do wake me up.”

Tony nods, and he watches Steve walk back towards the bedroom. There’s a sour feeling in his stomach, though, and he hates the half-truths. Guilt makes him blurt out the rest of it before Steve can get too far. 

“I don’t sleep well on any night,” Tony says, and Steve turns again. “I come out here every night, and then I sneak back in before you wake up. It’s not ideas. There’s insomnia, and even when I can sleep, I still get nightmares from Afghanistan sometimes, and I can’t sleep again after them. I make coffee and do some work, and then I come back so it looks like I never left.”

Steve’s face is so neutral that Tony can’t tell what he’s thinking, but he knows it can’t be good. He’s done this before, more than once. Pepper thought he could fall asleep if he just tried harder, and he couldn’t stand all those sleep apps she downloaded to try to help. Eventually it was easier to not even sleep in the same bed at all, and that was really the beginning of the end. Ty used to accuse him of not liking being in the same bed as him specifically. A lack of commitment to their relationship or something like that. Either way it’s always been a problem.  

“Every night?” Steve asks.

“I’m sorry,” Tony sighs, deflating. “I promise it’s not because of you. I do the same at my place, just, you know, without the sneaking part. It’s just - it’s me.”

Steve’s expression softens as he comes back into the kitchen, and he pulls Tony back into his arms. “You could’ve said something before. You didn’t have to hide it.”

“You’re not upset?” Tony asks tentatively. 

Steve lifts a hand to smooth away the furrow between Tony’s brows with his thumb. “Why would I be upset, sweetheart?”

“Because I’m not sleeping with you.”

“Well, it’s not like you’re off sleeping with someone else,” Steve laughs softly, and Tony smiles at the sound as much as the words themselves. Steve takes his cheek in his hand and gently strokes across his cheekbone. “I wish you were getting more sleep, but as long as you’re okay, I don’t see why I should be upset with you.”

Tony feels a rush of relief, muscles losing the tension he hadn’t realized had gotten so bad. “I can try to come back with you,” he starts to offer, but Steve shakes his head. 

“Do whatever you need to, honey. I’ll be right in there whenever you want to come back,” Steve says, pressing another kiss to Tony’s cheek. He pulls back, and the fondness in his eyes is almost overwhelming. “Always.”

[fearixfox]

Valentine’s Day Mess

So this is a fic I’ve had sitting in my docs for a while. @bazzpop​ told me to post it so here we are. MC loves Diavolo because I’m a simp but all the boys get some time

Word count: 7.2K

"It's a secret," you laugh as Mammon trails behind you boring holes into your skull. "Is it at least someone I know?! It totally has to be." "Maybe, maybe not," you smile up at him, giving him a pat on the head. He blushes and turns his head away. "Besides, why do you take such an interest in a lowly human like myself?" His blush deepened. "Yeah yer right I shouldn't care about some human. It's not even my problem. See ya later." He storms off with his ears steaming.  Cute.

It was early February and the brothers were stirring up a "friendly" competition as to who would get chocolates from you. As much as you adored each of them, you had your eyes set on a very different prize this month.  You shuttered at the thought.

 It's not your fault for falling for Diavolo. It's his fault for being so darn cute and hot at the same time. For being so kind and happy. For making your life here just a bit easier.  You opened a window in your room and stared at the castle in the distance. If only he wasn't the prince. If only you could see him more and get to know the real him. If only. 

You sigh and continue folding your laundry on your bed slowly revealing a sleeping Belphie under the pile of clothes. "What in Devildom are you doing under my clothes?" 

"Ah, y/n." He mumbles slightly waking up from his nap. "It was warm and you were distracted by Mammon so-" He slowly nods off again.  Whatever, at least he's happy. You proceed to finish most of your laundry until Belphie pulls you into bed. 

"Mmm warm y/n." You blushed a little letting out a small sigh. "Am I gonna get chocolates from you y/n? I would be the happiest demon in the devildom if I did. Plus it would make Lucifer a bit upset." He chuckled as he pulled you closer. 

"Who knows at this point Bel," you shift to stroke his hair to which he moved away. "I'm just gonna have to see what I come up with." You look back and he's asleep again. You slowly get out of his grasp and decide to take a walk outside. 

You find a bench facing the castle and put your head in your hands. As if you could give chocolates to Diavolo. The brothers would go bonkers for all different reasons. It's taboo at this point. "My, my, my, what have we here. A distressed y/n. What a rare sight." You look up to Simeon giving you a gentle smile. "What's wrong, sweetheart? Demon troubles?" 

He's an angel. Oh duh yeah he is. You shook your head. "I mean maybe. I have a dilemma but you can't tell a soul if not I'm afraid I won't have one by the end of the night." You felt your face getting red and a bit of a sweat coming on. Simeon sat next to you and gave you his full attention. God this sucks. 

"I kinda may or may not have fallen for Diavolo fully aware that he's farther from me than my own human world," You blurt out in one breath. Simeon laughs and you turn even redder than before. 

"Of course you do. It's pretty obvious." Your eyes widen at the celestial being. "Wait you knew?!" "In fact I did. I could see it radiating off of you. Just utter infatuation and admiration. However, I don't think any of the other brothers have noticed, save Lucifer." Oh no. Anyone but Lucifer. 

"Don't worry, y/n. I took care of that myself. He has no clue." "How?" "I convinced Lucifer of your courteous character and realized that you are just a respectful person in general. He seemed to agree." You felt honored by that. Both Simeon and Lucifer held you in a high regard. It made you feel appreciated.

 "Thank you Simeon. Although I think it's best for me to give up on him. It's doing more pain than good." "Maybe so," Simeon coos, "but you never know unless you try." 

"Do you think I should?" You say absentmindedly. "I think you should do what you think is best. You'll find that out eventually won't you." You nod your head even more conflicted than before. 

"There you are, Simeon!" You jump at Luke almost falling off the bench. Simeon steadies you with a grin. "It's your turn to cook today Simeon and we have dinner soon. Ah, hi y/n'' Luke smiles. 

"I'll be right there Luke. You go on ahead." He nodded and skipped down the pavement. "Well I must get going then. I hope you find the answers you're looking for." Simeon boops your nose and walks away as gracefully as he came. 

It was your turn to make dinner and you saunter into the kitchen and stick your head in the freezer. You were even more confused now. Chocolates are a pain to make. Will you even have time to make them? Should you make them all chocolates that way they'll shut up? That seems like a good idea. 

"What are you doing?" a familiar voice asks.  "Cooling off." you mutter.  "I see that. Is dinner going to be ready soon? I'm hungry." Ahh yes. That's what you were doing. "Yeah, just give me a minute."

 Beel moves past you and sits down at the counter in the kitchen. "I'll just wait here." You laugh. Classic Beelzebub. You gather your ingredients and start chopping. "Is curry for dinner okay?" Beel nodded, already starting to drool at some chopped potatoes. At least they tasted like potatoes anyway. 

You knew that Beel wasn't very into the chocolate competition but you were curious as to his thoughts about it. "Beel, would you want chocolates-"

 "Yes" 

"from me?" You finished in a small voice. You snickered as he looked unbothered, his eyes trailing every potato you chop.

 "I like chocolate, y/n but I think it would taste better from you." His stomach growls as you start up the frying pans.

 "You think so?" You smile at him. "I'm glad. I'll make sure to make a big batch." You continue chopping and every so often sliding various pieces to Beel. He smiles with glee every single time.

 You somehow give yourself a cut. You wince and put it to your mouth. Beel perks up and is at your side in an instant. He takes your hand and immediately kisses it, stopping the blood. "BEEL!" You squeak, slightly mortified, slightly embarrassed and full on fuzzy. "I used to do this for Lilith from time to time. She said it made her feel better." He kisses it once more and dragged you over to bandage it.

 "Thank you," you whisper. Beel gave a soft smile in your direction. Diavolo who? Beel chuckles at your expression. You shook your head and kept on making dinner.  

Dinner was loud. Lucifer had business at the castle and Mammon was making a scene as always. He and Levi were fighting over something. You tune them out and focus on your curry. You loved all the brothers. You let them hang all over you to be honest. You wonder if that's okay or if you're giving off the wrong message. Mammon taps your shoulder "Right y/n?" You nod just to keep him at bay and he leaves to prove his point. You have your fill of curry and give the rest to Beel. 

You lay sprawled out of bed watching your fan go around and around. Look, my train of thought. Great decision making y/n. Absolutely spectacular. Grade A. A knock at the door brings you out of it.  You open it to see Mams in his pj's giving you a puppy eyed look.

 "Come in," you sigh. He smiles and lays on your bed ready to snuggle with you. "Hey, are you good? Ya seemed off at dinner." "Yeah I'm fine. Just a little tired from school and cooking tonight. Beel has a splendid appetite." You hum. 

"Pfft are ya kidding. Beel would eat everything and the kitchen sink. We’d be 1000x richer if it wasn't for him." You weren't gonna even retort. You get into bed next to him and nuzzle his chest. He jumped "Oi, oi y/n this isn't like you bein all compliant and all." He started stuttering and you could feel him heat up. You giggle. "Sorry. Just wanted to see what you would do."

 "Tsk, don't tease a demon like that. Ya don't know what they're gonna do." 

"You wouldn't hurt me, let alone make a move on me." You tease. In an instant, he pinned you to the bed. "Ya know I've been real nice to you human but don't get thinkin that I won't do anything." You smile and press your head against his face. "It's not because you're a demon that you won't. It's because you're you, Mammon." 

You nuzzled into him once more. He broke down and moved away from you in a pout. You spooned him a bit and rubbed his head. "You're a sweet guy, Mams.  Don't forget that." He turned to you and stared into your eyes. "Yeah tell that to the rest of my brothers," he huffed. "Don't worry about them. You're kind and goofy and it's the best." He blushes again and closes his eyes. "Goodnight y/n." "Goodnight Mammon." 

You trudge through the day absolutely exhausted from your coursework and desperately needed a break. You hear a ping from your phone. 

Bubblegum bitch:Y/n~♡

Me:Asmo~

Bubblegum bitch:I'm going shopping for a new outfit for Valentine's day and you absolutely have to come with me~ 

Me:Okay I'll come. 

Bubblegum bitch:Yay~We can get some chocolate supplies on the way for the chocolates that you'll give me. 

Me: Haha okay. I'll be right there. 

You throw on some casual clothes and head to the entrance of the house. "Y/n~, are you ready for a shopping spree?" Asmodeus hums with Goldie in hand. Your jaw drops. 

"How in the world?" 

"I have my ways besides I do this all the time," Asmo giggles. "I would say Mammon would kill you but-" 

"I'd like to see him try," Asmo says sticking his tongue out. "Anyway let's head to the mall and find outfits for the two most beautiful beings in the world." 

You try to hide your bashful expression but holds your chin to face him. "I wonder what kid of expressions you give to the one you love most,’ He teases. His eyes were anything but joking. "Ahum," you break away, "let's get going." 

You guys arrive at the mall only to find Solomon there waiting for Asmo's arrival. "You brought a friend I see. " He gives you a knowing look. 

"As if y/n was just my friend, they’re my valentine~" Asmo give you a tight hug snuggling your cheeks. "Right," he says disinterested in Asmo's antics, "well either way we'll eventually need to visit the bookstore. I need the new volume for my next spell." 

Asmo took your hand and dragged you along to store after store trying on all sorts of dresses and cute outfits. Asmo showers you with almost as many compliments as himself. You see a red long sleeve sweater with white bottoms. As if I have the confidence to wear that. By the time you finished the thought it was too late. 

"Y/n-chan~♡ that would look absolutely drop dead gorgeous on you! Try it on right away." Before you could respond he takes the outfit and shoves you into a dressing stall. I guess I have no choice. You come out all hesitant and shy. 

"Not bad y/n," Solomon says with a smirk. You turn to Asmodeus. He fell silent with red dusting his cheeks. He takes your hand and kisses it in a bow. You pull your hand away quickly a bit surprised by his actions. "I was right. Your beauty rivals mine." He smiles and gives you a twirl.

 "Let's show off that beauty to everyone, okay?" He gives you a kind smile. You look away embarrassed by his words. "Thank you Asmo." 

"Anyway, we need to get to the book store now. I think I've indulged you enough," Solomon deadpans clearly irritated by our exchange. 

You stop by the chocolate store on the way and get a variety of chocolates to work with. I wonder what I should make. Who even knows at this point. Each brother is picky in their own way. Except for Beel. You decide to get a special chocolate that induces relaxation for Diavolo. You wonder if you'll end up using it.

You rejoin Asmo and Solomon in the bookstore. "Y/n, y/n," Asmo coos, "this place is dusty. I'm going to wait outside." You nod and peruse around the bookstore. You find a picture book about Ruri-chan. He'll freak if I get him this. You laugh and decide to get it for him. You head to the human section and find an amazing array of the warrior books. No way. I loved these as a kid. You look at all the cat covers and they remind you of a certain someone. Well, he won't know they're for kids right?  You place another one into your cart. 

You check out and walk to get bubble tea with Asmo. “Ano ne y/n, you seem to be bubbling with a lust for someone~ I wonder who is making you that crazy.” Your jaw drops at his accusation and you stumble to reply. 

“P-pft. Naw. I’m pretty good right now I got a g-good head on my shoulders and just focusing on surviving. I don’t have time for such things.” 0w0 Asmo gives you this look. You’ve been had. “Leave it alone Assmo.” 

“Y/n meanie. I’m totally right and you choose to give me such an ugly nickname. I kinda like it though.” He whistles and teases you to the point where you were about to break.

 “What’s the hold up,” Solomon says coming back from the store. You immediately hide behind him. “Solomon, Asmo is trying to feel me up~” You make it sound as cute as possible in hopes to keep Asmo at bay.

 “Asmo, leave them be. They’re just trying to exist,” he scolds not seeming to care about your cute manner. Tough crowd I guess. At least Asmo stopped. Solomon you’re an angel.

You end up back in your room all tired out. Lusting huh. You’ve been thinking about Diavolo more. You couldn't help but think about him but lusting over him. Never... unless. You let your head go into the gutter. Mmmm Diavolo tiddies. Strong arms and broad chest. 6’4 here we come. You went through different scenarios in your head. You wondered how his weight would feel against yours. How his voice would sound in your ear. How this man could manhandle you in any way he wanted with a heavenly smile on his face. Goosebumps formed at the thought. 

You heard a knock at the door and your soul nearly jumped out of your body. Ugh out of all times. You open the door. “Mammon not tonight I’m-” you look up to see a confused Satan. “Ah, sorry is this a bad time?”

 “No, no it’s fine Satan.” You let him come in and sit on your bed. “Hey y/n, are you alright?” He gave you a concerned look. “You’re red. Do you have a fever?” He puts his lips on your forehead. “No, no fever.”

 You immediately heat up even more. “Uh Satan. I’m fine, just a little flustered is all.” He gives you a smirk, “alright y/n, whatever you say.” He decided not to press further. “So, you wanted to see me?” You muster.  

“Oh yeah, I was wondering if you finished that book that I lent you. Leviathan is asking for it.” Your eyes widened. “Oh yeah, this one.” You went up to go grab it and was reminded of your own gift for Satan. You grabbed both and placed them in front of him. “What’s this?” He gestured to the Warriors book. 

“Something from the bookstore. I used to read this series when I was younger. I thought you might read it when you’re bored or whatever.” It finally occurred to you that maybe your childhood cat novels weren’t the best read for him.

 “Actually,” you squeaked, “maybe this is too childish for you.” You start pulling the book back towards you. Satan stops your hand and pulls on it lightly. “It’s fine y/n. I’ll read it.” You pull a bit harder. “No, I really think it’s far below your reading level, it's fine” He pulls it back somewhat irritated. “You bought the book for me. Why can’t I have it?”

 You both tug back and forth on the book until he falls on top of you. Your noses touch. Satan laughs a little. “Why are you so stubborn? You decided to get a gift for me and decide to take it back. Right in front of me.” 

You flush pink. You couldn’t tell if you were embarrassed about the book or Satan’s weight on top of you. You couldn’t tell anymore. “Listen, I just had second thoughts. It’s embarrassing that I read it. I had a phase and I forgot about it.” You look away in a pout. Satan, please get off of me soon. Only so much torment I can take.

 As if he heard your thoughts, he sits back and pulls you up to sit next to him. “You know, I would like to get to know young y/n no matter how cringy they may be,” he razzes. “No, you wouldn’t but I guess I have no choice. I did this,” you sigh. “Yes,” he giggles, hugging you, “you did. This is better than any chocolate I could have received. Thank you y/n.” 

You finally hit the hay and think about your interactions with the brothers. If I didn’t know any better I would think that I’m dating all of them. You ponder their familiarity towards you. Is this really okay? It’s not like you were dating anyone. The one guy you want to date just happens to be the Prince of Hell. You think about all the cute and delectable brothers around you. It would’ve been easier to date one of them but noo of course not, Prince of hell it is. You decide to let it go. It really doesn’t matter. He’ll probably be too busy for Valentine’s day anyway. 

TS~

“Levi, stop being shut in for one second of your otaku life.” You slam your head against the door a few times. “Go away y/n. I’m getting to the good part.” You continue to slam your head against the door. Why am I kind to this weeb again? You continue your head slams, almost falling forward when he opens the door. 

You bust through his doorway and take a load off on the couch. “I didn’t say you could come in.” Levi says in an exasperated voice. “Yeah, but you wouldn’t have let me in otherwise. Here you go.” 

You throw the Ruri-chan picture book toward him and he just barely catches it. Unathletic weeb scum. You were a weeb yourself but that wasn’t the point. His eyes light up almost immediately.

 “WOOAAHHH! Ruri-chan’s rare limited edition illustration book! How’d you get this? It’s sold out online everywhere.” Of course he would never think of going to a bookstore. “Just happened to pick it up,” you smile, “I thought you’d like it.” 

Next thing you knew he was hugging you, giggling to himself. 3-2-1 “Ah!” He jumps away from you and completely changes his demeanor. “I mean of course you would get this gross otaku stuff for me, you normie.” His face was completely red and his eyes closed.

 “Levi, that didn’t even make sense.” You can’t help but snicker at him. You take his face in your hand. “Muah.” You planted a kiss on his nose. “W-wha-whaaaat are you doing y/n?!” God this is so easy it hurts. 

“Anyway, what’s the anime you wanted to show me?” He snapped out of his blushing state but stayed wary of you. “It’s Akagami no Shirayuki-hime,” he huffed. “I thought we could watch it together.” 

“A romance anime, huh. I didn’t think you were into those. I’ve never seen it so sure.” The story was about a prince who falls in love with this regular girl at first sight and begs her to become his. You keep watching and can’t help feeling called out. By the time you finish watching, you are mortified and depressed. You lay your head face first on Levi’s lap. 

“Y-y/n?” He squeaks. If only that would happen. This sadly isn’t that type of reality. I don’t think I would be able to be at his side. Not in a million years. “Sorry Levi, just give me a few.” He feels small wet spots soak into his joggers. “Y/n?” He lifts his hand up to pet your head and decides against it.

 You get up and wipe your tears. “Sorry the anime was really moving. It’s been a while and romance anime always gets to me,” you say with a crooked smile. “I’ve gotta go get ready for Valentine’s day. If you’re good enough, I’ll make you some chocolate with extra love~,” you whisper. 

If he was drinking something he would have choked. He was completely flabbergasted and opened his mouth to say something only to close it again. “Anyway, I gotta go. Love you, Leviachan,” you say escaping his room. 

You arrive at your room, pull the shades down, and snuggle a pillow under your blanket. That anime made you realize how stupid your hope really was. You are only here for one year. You have no means of getting close to Diavolo. You don’t even know if he is in love with Lucifer. No, y/n that’s just your fantasy...is it though?  Ultimately, you are human. Exchange student status aside, you don’t matter to any of these demons. They just use you for their own relief and to solve all their measly problems. That’s a fact. If you disappeared tomorrow, they would get over you pretty quick. You give into your destructive train of thought and cry yourself nearly to sleep. 

A series of knocks hit the door. “Y/n, Lucifer wants to see you,” one of the brothers said. “I’ll be over in a minute.” You yelled back. The brother walked away.  You lazily get up and put on Beel’s oversized hoodie to cover your face. You make sure to avoid people in the halls until you make it to Lucifer’s. You knock. “Come in.”

 “Yes, Lucifer?” You muster an indifferent sounding voice. “Y/n. I was looking at your progress reports and I wanted to congratulate you on your high achievements towards your studies. Diavolo is ecstatic.” You shrink at his words. Lucifer walks over and lifts your chin up, unveiling you from your hoodie. You move your head away. “I’m fine, Lucifer. I was just napping,” you say softly. 

“Well you don’t seem fine to me, y/n. Leviathan said you were off today but I didn’t think to the point of crying,” Lucifer sighs. Ugh, this is the worst. Levi you snitch.  You could have shown your soft side to any of the other brothers and you would have been fine. You could put up a front and handle your feelings alone afterwards.

Sadly, the demon before you seemed to have other plans. “Well y/n, it seems like you have no choice but to listen to some music with me.” He gestures to the two chairs by the fireplace. You gave him a pleading look. 

“Nope, this is an order, you can’t escape from it.” You sigh and flop in the chair. “You know, therapy isn’t as effective if it’s forced,” you mutter. He summons some tea and hands you a cup. Show off. “Well,” he says sitting down “good thing this isn’t therapy.” You sip your tea quietly and listen to the music in the background. “Don’t you have better things to do?” 

“In fact I do,” he hums, “however, I think this is a good use of my time.” “Well if you have better things to do then go do them,” you scorn, “no need to pretend you give a damn about me. It’s all about looks with you anyway.” What am I saying. “You guys don’t give a single damn about how I feel or where I’m at. I’m just an exchange student, a simple human that can never think to get the attention of the most beloved prince.” 

 Your eyes widen at your sudden outburst. You aren’t like this. Even at your worst you can hold back your anger and sadness. That ability amplifies in front of important people so why are you yelling at Lucifer one of the most powerful demons of all time. “What did you do to me?” You ask, your voice shaking. “It’s a simple spell really. It removes your super ego and allows raw feelings to flow.” He takes another sip of his tea, studying you carefully. 

“This is all just a game to you. All of you. You and Diavolo may have picked me for a reason but I doubt it was for you to toy with me like this.” Tears started to flow and you took a fetal position, crying unstoppably into your knees. “Y/n this y/n that. I’m not a fucking therapist. I’m a human with a fragile heart, yet you guys,” you sob “you all take so much out of me.” “As for Lord Diavolo, I know I wouldn't be able to capture his attention and that’s only if you aren’t dating him.” Oh. Oh no.  

Lucifer sets down his tea, giving you his full attention, quite surprised at your accusation. He seems to want to scold you, but allows you to continue. “I can’t even think about what makes me happy. Not that I even deserve it but one can dream even if their hopes are crushed by the weight of the world.”

 The demon sighs giving you a concerned yet perplexed look. He rises from his chair and picks you up. You attempt to struggle but the glint of his red eyes tells you not to move. He puts you in his lap and cradles your head to his chest. 

“You don’t have to do this. I’ll tell Lord Diavolo that you manage me perfectly and that I’m nothing but happy,” you sniffle. “Sometimes y/n, I have my own agenda and that is making sure you’re genuinely okay,” he sighs once more. You can hear his heart beat slow and he kisses your head. “Lucifer?” Your eyes widen in surprise. 

Lucifer has never attempted to touch you until now, let alone show any type of affection towards you. “Please forgive my brothers, y/n. They have no idea what they put you through. I would know. I’ve been doing it for years.” He smiles a bit. “However, you are wrong about us not caring about you. In fact, it could not be further from the truth.” You look up at him with teary eyes. He wipes them away with his thumb. 

“Since you have arrived, the House of Lamentation has grown much brighter...the brightest I’ve ever seen and you’re right. Diavolo chose you for a reason that did not include all the drama my brothers created, however they all made pacts with you one way or another. They respect you and do genuinely care. The shut-in decided to pay me a visit to illuminate your awkward state.” 

Lucifer smiles and strokes your hair. “He would never do that for his brothers nor anyone else. Keep that in mind.” He may be right. I’m probably just too tired. Overthinking and tormenting myself.  Lucifer’s warmth soothes you and you nuzzle his chest. He rolls his eyes with a slight pink in his cheeks.

 “As for the beloved prince.” Aww shit. “I’d advise you to let that go. The prince is too busy for such actions and we cannot allow his reputation to be harmed.” Lucifer gives you a stern look. You already knew that was going to be his answer. “Yes, sir.” “As for the other accusation, there is nothing between him and I. I treasure him dearly; however, ultimately his career is of utmost importance.” You stare at the fire and muster some courage.

 Well if I’m giving up on Diavolo I’m totally going to savor this. You give Lucifer a loving look and kiss him. “Thank you, Luci.” You surprise him with both a kiss and a nickname. He usually would string you up but he decides to let it slide. Just this once. You hear his slow heart beat and allow it to lull you to sleep in his arms. “You’re welcome y/n.”

You wake up to the patter of rain on your window. It takes a few seconds for your eyes to adjust. When did I head to my room? You jump up and quickly give yourself a look over. Looks like he didn’t take advantage of me. You flop back in bed and try to go back to sleep. Too late, I’m already awake. You slither out of bed and throw on some old clothes. “Well y/n, if it’s chocolate they want then it’s chocolate they’ll get.” You freshen up and take your hidden box of chocolates and supplies downstairs. I’m really glad Beel didn’t find them. 

It was an early Sunday morning and you apparently woke up at 5:30. At least the boys won’t be here to bother me. You read the recipes on your D.D.D. and start playing some lofi. You felt good today. The quiet morning seemed to help with that. “A chocolate pots de creme for Lucifer, some heart shaped chocolate cookies for Mammon, chocolate cupcake with pink icing for Levi, chocolate covered strawberries for Satan, some heart shaped macarons for  Asmo, truffles for Belphie and a big chocolate cake for Beel.” 

“That sounds like an awful lot of work, young master.” Young master? You turn to see Barbatos in the doorway. “Barbatos, what are you doing here?” He rarely hangs anywhere besides the castle. You were astounded to see him. “It seems I’ve been given an ‘off day’ by Diavolo,” he sighs, “‘to enjoy the festivities’ he said.” He gives you an angelic look. “I knew you would do something for the brothers and I thought you could use my assistance.Think of it as my way of following Diavolo’s orders” 

Your eyes widen “of course, you are the best baker in all the worlds. With you, my treats will be immaculate!” You give him a triumphant smile. You start on the oldest brother with Barbatos instructing you along the way. “Thank you, Barbatos. I truly appreciate it.” He smiles. “So you decided on giving treats to all of them. I’m quite impressed but also I believe it’s the best move.” 

You laugh nervously. “If I gave chocolates to one of them I would never hear the end of it. Although I wish-” you stop yourself short. No y/n you decided to let that go last night. “Hm?” Barbatos gives you a confused look. “Ah it’s nothing,” you lie, “I just wish they would pamper me for once.” “They may do so. White day is celebrated here after all.” You drip chocolate on your shirt. Oh shit, White day. 

You immediately wanted to take back your words. The last thing you want is a fight over that. “You know on second thought, I think this is fine,” you say, gesturing to all the projects in front of you. You continue to plow through them with Barbatos making them even more beautiful than you imagined. You stop to write little notes for each of them making sure they are color coordinated as to not mix them up.

 “Y/n, you put so much thought into this. It’s impressive. Are there any brothers that have truly caught your eye?” Barbatos asks sincerely. You really just went and asked that. “No,” you admit, “although I do love them all. They make my life anything but easy, but without them I don’t think I would be as happy as I am.”

 “Well,” Barbatos hums “you surely have changed them for the better.” He takes his handkerchief and rubs the chocolate off your face. You jump at his actions but let him clean you up. “Thank you, Barbatos,” you say with a soft smile.  “My pleasure,” he whispers with a divine grin. Is he really a demon? You both finally finish and it’s 8:30 am. Barbatos took all the gifts back to the castle and promised to return when dinner rolled around. You cleanup a little and take a nap. 

You wake up to Belphie’s arms around your waist and his sleeping face on your back. Not even in the sanction of my own room can I have peace. You decide to lay with him for a while before you get ready. You pet his dark bluish hair and he moves into it. Liar. You love being pet. 

“Y/nnnn,” he mumbles, “ everyone was looking for you. I finally found you and I’m not sharing with my stupid brothers.” He whisks you around and snuggles into the crook of your neck planting a soft kiss. 

“Heyy, no foul play.” He giggles at your reaction. “As suspected, naps are always better with you, y/n.” He slowly gets up and stretches out. “Well, I’ll see you at dinner.” He gives you a lofty smile as he walks out the door.

You finally look at the time and see you have two hours before dinner. Might as well go all out. Just because I have no one in my heart doesn’t mean I can’t look nice. You shower and do your hair and nails. You stare at the outfit Asmodeus tricked you into buying. I really don’t have the confidence to do that. You hear your phone ping. 

Bubblegum bitch: Y/n~ You better wear that outfit we picked out or I’m gonna be sad. :(

Ugh creepy. He knew of your self-consciousness. He boosted your confidence. That’s his favorite thing to do. For Asmo. No, for me! You finally put on the outfit and looked in the mirror. You looked surprisingly good. You finally put some light make-up and twirled around. Good enough. 

You finally made your way to the dining hall to see everyone already seated. “Sorry, am I late?” you look at your D.D.D. and finally look back up to see the surprised faces of the demons before you.  “Ahhh~! Y/n, you look so beautiful!” Asmo whines and hugs you. You blush from embarrassment.  “Do a twirl,” he commanded. You twirl around and give a cute smile. 

“It suits you, y/n,” Lucifer compliments regaining composure, “as for your timing, I had a discussion with my adorable brothers about private matters. No, need to concern yourself.” You give him a smile and take a seat next to him. “Hey Lucifer,” you point to the open seat next to you, “who’s that for?” He just smiles refusing to answer the question. You assumed Barabtos told him about this morning and was joining us. The door to the dining hall busts open. 

“Happy Valentine’s day, everyone!” Diavolo booms, rolling in a cart of the finely wrapped gifts for the brothers. Baratos came in after him, somewhat displeased. Oh no.  Lucifer gives you a look that you knew all too well. I won’t.  You get up in front of the cart keeping it from getting raided.

 “Guys, these are all made by me for you. You all are irreplaceable and I care about each of you.” You feel your cheeks heat up. “So, Happy Valentine’s day,” you say with a bow. 

Brothers.exe stopped working. Their presents were passed out and you all sat back down. They all express an array of emotions from delight to a blushy mess. Your pride swells just slightly.

 “WOAH, Beel you got a whole cake?” Leviathan says, looking at his cupcake clearly jealous. Beel looks the happiest you’ve ever seen him and eats it within a few seconds. Yeah, seems about right. You watch Asmo try to swipe a strawberry from Satan who immediately slaps his hand. Mammon just has tears in his eyes, clutching his cookies. Belphie starts making fun of him. Your attention was so focused on the brothers that you barely saw the man to your right sitting down to eat. 

“I’m glad this worked out for you, y/n!” Diavolo says with a hefy laugh. You almost jump out of your seat. Ah, he teleported. “I’m sorry for not getting you anything. I owe it to you for taking such good care of me,” you apologize. “No, don’t pay that any mind. Seeing others having a wonderful time is more than enough for me.” He gives you a kind smile and you look away. Stay strong y/n. “Y/n, the pots de creme looks exquisite. I cannot wait to eat it,” Lucifer smiles.

 Right. You manage to keep yourself calm through dinner. Dessert starts and Mammon starts arguing with Levithan about the gifts. You sigh, “took them long enough.” Diavolo chuckles.

 “Y/n,” Mammon booms across the table “if you didn’t pick any of us then who are you really interested in?!” 

“Eh?”

“Solomon?”

“No.”

“Simeon?” 

“No.” 

His eyes widen, “Luke?!” 

“Of course not, ” you say, raising your voice.

 “Diavolo, then?” Diavolo’s attention was on you, now. Dammit Mammon. Lucifer places his hand on your knee. “Absolutely not. Mammon, believe it or not it is possible for me to not like anyone romantically,” you laugh. “Lord Diavolo, are they lying?” You look at him. 

You wanted to die. To yeet yourself into the sun and feel the burn envelope you. His face gave nothing away. “Well, I think it’s best to leave the human’s secrets alone, don't you think,” he smiles in such a way that no one think to press you further. That was it. It’s out in the open and he won’t even acknowledge it. 

“That makes sense, if they can resist the GREAT MAMMON then they can resist everyone,” Mammon laughs nervously. The brothers immediately retort but you don’t hear them. You turn to Lucifer, “I woke up extremely early today so I think I’ll turn in.” He gives you a concerned smile and nods. You bow to Diavolo, avoiding eye contact.

You arrive at your room and flop on your bed. You want to cry but your body won’t let you. You just lay in your bed in a ball. You kept your door locked that night. You didn’t have the energy to give. You slowly drifted off to sleep, letting your emotions go and exhaustion to take over.

TS~

A week has passed and you’ve been going through your normal routine. You haven’t seen Diavolo since. I guess I scared him off. At least Luci got what he wanted. You were laying down in the grass in the gardens staring at the stagnant night sky. 

“Y/n. I found you.” You open your eyes to see Luke standing over you with a crystal rose. “This is for you,” he says, giving you the luminous flower. “Lord Diavolo wants to see you.” Your heart skips a beat but you don’t get your hopes up. “Why’s that?” 

“He won’t say but he just told me to give you the flower and tell you to meet him,” Luke pouts, “I was in the middle of baking so it better be important.” You blush a bit, averting your eyes to keep up a breaking facade. 

You find yourself in the foyer of the castle, waiting for who knows what. As quick as lightning, you were lifted and carried upstairs into Diavolo’s room by none other than Diavolo himself. He places you down apologizing for touching you in a rough manner. You faze in and out unsure if this was a dream or reality. 

“Y/n.....Y/n?” Diavolo hovers over you trying to get your attention. You faze back in. “Yeah, I’m fine,” you affirm. I’m just alone with Diavolo in his room is all. “Oh thank goodness. Please sit.” 

“Thank you for the rose. It was very thoughtful,” you give him a forced smile, “but I’m afraid I must decline it.” He looks surprised at your words. “I know you know and I’m sorry for putting you in that situation. You’re a very busy leader and I know you don’t have time for such things.” Lucifer’s words taste like iron in your mouth but that was the reality you face. “I will continue being your star pupil and make sure you have at least one student to be proud about,” you smile, making your way to the door ready to leave everything behind. Diavolo takes your hand. “Please y/n, before you decide,” he pleads “let me speak.”

 You didn’t want to hear him out. Rejection is easier when you’re the one rejecting. Why is he making it hard? “First, I’m sorry you had to wait this long. I had business with my father. I would have come to you that night. In fact, I did. Your door was locked and there was no response so I decided to give you space. I realize now that it wasn’t the wisest idea. For that, I apologize.” 

You turn slightly away from him, desperately trying to hold back tears. “I don’t know what you’re thinking but I don’t despise you or dislike you...” You glance at his reddened face. “In fact, I am truly fond of you. I enjoy sitting next to you and hearing your voice, seeing your astounding progress in school.” Tears cloud your vision as Diavolo continues on. He hesitates then pulls you in for a hug. 

Your eyes widen at the sound of his heart racing as he continues on. “I am not very good at conversing with people casually. It’s always Lord Diavolo this, Lord Diavolo that. That is not the me I want you to see, to know.” He lifts your chin up to face him. 

“Now I can admit, I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. I never allowed myself to feel those emotions because of the duty I possess. However, your feelings have allowed me to hope, which I have scarcely allowed myself before. When I see you with the brothers, I can’t help but feel jealous and crave all your attention as well. I am aware that you are allowed your own freedom however, if your freedom includes loving me, then I’ll take that chance.” 

Your mind was trying to process that all at once and failing miserably. All you could muster was pulling him close for a kiss. You could feel the heat radiate off of his face as he kissed you back. “I love you too, Diavolo.”

[dreamcatcherjiah]

Tight Hearts | JHS Part 12

💞Tight Hearts (Idol!Hoseok x Reader)

Plot: The red string of fate was visible when our grandparents were children. They would play around, following the strings from one person to their soulmate and laugh happily when these two people inevitably found each other. It was a reason for happiness. But little by little, people stopped seeing the threads. In bad times, it was dangerous, it was a liability, so people stopped seeing them to protect each other from harm. When I was born, nobody saw them anymore, they just felt their soulmate. Anxiety, happiness, sorrow, love, the hearts of the soulmates are one, feel the same things, but it is almost impossible to find your soulmate, now that the threads cannot be seen.

Tight Hearts Masterlist

Part 12

A/N: AND SO IT BEGINS! The first of my July updates guys! I hope you guys liked this part as much as I loved writing it! Let me know your thoughts!🥺♥️ If you want to be added to the taglist, send me an ask!

Three weeks later.

Sitting in the kitchen island with your laptop open and your work email mocking you from the screen, you pulled your hair and you wondered what, apart from Hyejin, was keeping you working for that company. 

After some nasty negotiations with your boss by BigHit’s lawyers, you had been allowed to work from home while the situation normalised itself and you could be on the oposite side of town away from Hoseok without feeling pain. If you had known the middle aged man who called himself the soul of the company and took advantage of your absence would spam your mailbox with thousands of emails a day, you wouldn’t have had second thoughts about quitting. Damn the company and damn getting paid, you would think about finding a job using the time you were wasting answering all those emails. But no, you were a very headstrong woman and you would be damned if all the efforts you had put into securing that job went down the drain because you had happened upon a patronising asshole of a boss. 

You let your head fall to your hands. Tomorrow was going to be a long day, Hoseok and the boys had to be in three different places throughout the day, filming advertisements, recording for their comeback and getting ready for the different end-of-the-year performances. You would have to tag along, posing as Sejin’s new shadow, manager in training he called it, so people wouldn’t be suspicious of the new addition to BTS’s entourage. According to the head manager, if you just kept a low profile and didn’t stop tapping away in your computer, no one would think to question what your were doing. But for you to be able to calmly tap away in said computer, you needed to get all the phone calls done before you left the apartment. 

Some arrangements had been made so you could stay in they guys apartment the nights when there was an early schedule and Hoseok couldn’t stay with you in his own apartment. Taehyung was now Jimin’s new roommate and he had kindly (not unteasingly) offered his room for you and Hoseok to share when you simply couldn’t waste time commuting to the dorm and then the company. 

You could hear the cheery voices of the boys in the living room, watching some movie about a train full of zombies on its way to Busan. How they had managed to rope Hoseok into watching the movie was beyond you but you guessed that, since you two had been spending huge amounts of time together, it made sense that now that you could stand further apart, Hoseok spent time with his brothers. Your heartbeat accelerated and that was all the warning you needed before a shrill scream that sounded suspiciously between a mixture of Yoongi and your soulmate reached you in the kitchen. Chuckling, you put your phone down and listened while holding your breath for the next round of groans and complaints. What a big bunch of babies. What you did hear were some rapid footsteps approaching you and you didn’t bat an eyelid when two slim arms snaked their way around your waist and the head of your soulmate settled on your shoulder. Hoseok had taken to hugging you from behind when you weren’t paying attention to him, the uncertainty and nerves that you felt through the bond letting you know that he was still uneasy about invading your personal space or distracting you. Every time you noticed how he was about to extract himself from you, you would hold his wrist and tighten his hold around you, nesting against his chest. This time was no different and you let go a small sigh when you relaxed against his frame, your head finding purchase on his shoulder. You let your head roll to the side, ghosting a small feather-like kiss on his ear, making him giggle.

“Why do you leave me alone with all those adrenaline-junkies, horror-movie-lovers when you are just here scowling at your computer?” He asked as he moved your bodies side to side in a playful manner. “How long do you think you still have before you can come to the living room with us?”

You raised your hand to his head and caressed his brown hair out of his eyes.

“I don’t want to be in between you and the boys, I have done that for almost a month already,” you told him, a smile tugging at your lips at how he started shaking his head no the moment the words were out of your mouth, “go back to them, I still have to make some calls.”

He disentangled himself to you and, turning the stool where you were sitting, put his hands on your shoulders. His lips formed a small pout. That was something you had started noticing as the weeks went by. He was reserved most of the time, keeping contact to the minimum and only opening up when the two of you were alone. You guessed that falling asleep one in each side of the bed and waking up in each other’s arms had something to do with his (and your) gradual openness. But when it was late and he was tired, he became clingy and tended to use his cute face to get what he wanted from you. Usually it would be to turn off the lights or to get him a glass of water from the kitchen before you went to bed; but tonight he seemed to have a different plan.

“You are not in anybody’s way, do you hear me?” He sternly chastised, waiting for your nod to continue, “the boys were the ones who asked me where you were and invited you to join us in movie night. Now, what have we told you a million and one times about not isolating yourself?” His chin up and a fake angry look on his face, he was enjoying himself way too much with the whole telling you off thing, but still, you could not just not humour him. Not when his brown hair was tossed in every direction and looked as fluffy as it did right now.

“That I am part of the family now and I have every right to be anywhere with you guys as long as I don’t hide food from you and don’t try to isolate myself…”

His face lighted up like a christmas tree and he proceded to exaggeratedly motion to your work set-up.

“And what are you doing right now?” He question, eyebrow nearly reaching his hairline.

With a cheeky grin you booped his nose and took advantage of that brief moment when his face turned all shades of red and he looked at you open-mouthed to turn back around and answer your phone as it started ringing. I am working, you mouthed to a still malfunctioning Hoseok, with a wicked smile pulling at the corners of your mouth.

While you talked on the phone, you could see him look back towards the living room at the same time that a bit of uncertainty reached you through your string; at watching the movie or leaving you alone in the kitchen alone, you wouldn’t know.

Then Hoseok walked towards you, kissed the crown of your head and began cleaning the kitchen. It was a weird feeling, the both of you being in the same room, you working and him organising cabinets full of ramyeon, in companionable silence. It felt domestic. That word would have scared the living daylight out of you a few weeks ago; thinking only of the strong reactions you had when you thought that meeting your soulmate was automatically loosing your independence made your head spin. That had been only three short weeks ago, when you had been so guarded against this sweet man, who would buy four different bottles of shampoo in case he didn’t buy one you liked, the man who would put his life upside down for you, going as far as spending every possible night in his own apartment away from his brothers in case you felt uncomfortable living with seven men. You knew that somewhere deep down, he felt guilty for keeping you from your life as it was before you found him, he sometimes felt violent when some gesture or caress felt more a produce of the bond than natural and genuine. He felt sad when he had to say goodbye to his brothers when the managers dropped them off at night, and felt imposing when you had to follow them around to three or four different schedules in a day. In fact he had been mulling over that last one for the past few days; it wasn’t as if you could read his mind, you had just learned to map his emotions and the second he started looking at you sideways and feeling anxious you knew it was because of the busy schedule they had the next day.

Voices distracted you from your musings and you focused on how two sets of footsteps neared the kitchen accompanied by two hushed voices.

“… but I don’t want to interrupt her, hyung. She is working and that is her first priority…” whispered Yoongi.

“Well, if you had been a bit longer around her instead of being buried under your huge pile of self-imposed work, you would know her boss is an a-hole,” answered Jin. They were not walking anymore, they had stopped near the kitchen entrance, thinking they were whispering low enough for you not to hear them. You couldn’t help but agree with Seokjin. “I am this close to making her quit and hiring her myself, even with our workload she would be less stressed. Now kindly shut up and help me pry those two from the kitchen and take them back to the sweet delights of watching Joon internally scream.”

Pretending not to have heard anything, you swallowed a giggle and, noticing Hoseok hadn’t realised his brothers were coming, you went back to your laptop playing the oblivious victim too.

“Oh the joys of working over-time!” Exclaimed Seokjin as a way of making their presence known and he managed to startle Hoseok into dropping the cup he was rinsing into the sink.

“I promise I tried to stop him Y/N, you can keep working,” said Yoongi, who cleared his throat and, seeing Hoseok’s frantic movements behind your back, added, “But on the other hand, since you have been working very hard these past few weeks, I think it’s time you take a small break.”

His face was a sweet confused picture, torn between his desire to let you know that you could keep working if so you wanted and the one to please Hoseok.

“Come on, you two. Hobi, drop that cup, if you keep cleaning it you’ll turn it transparent. And Y/N stop being an excuse for him to get out of watching the movie,” Jin’s eyes, gleaming with mischief moved from a fumbling Hoseok to you and you rolled your eyes.

“Let’s go, it’s about time I clocked out at…” you looked at your watch, “well, 11pm.”

Hoseok walked up to you, nerves reaching you from his side of the bond, and guided you behind his brothers to the living room where Jimin got closer to Namjoon to open up a spot for you both.

The rest of the boys didn’t even flinch when Hoseok hugged your waist and rested his head against your collarbone; they all knew Hobi needed some sort of support to get through the rest of the movie and while he might have relied in one of the boys to get that emotional help in the past, none of them seemed to care you had now become his buffer. In fact, they all seemed to be smiling happily and content when you joined them.

The movie was in full swing now and, more than once Hoseok had opted to hiding his face against your neck, letting small whimpers linger in his chest. His body was tense and you could feel his lips pouting against your neck.

To try and calm him down, maybe take his mind off the movie, you started caressing his neck with your nails. Any other person would have started giggling at being tickled, but not Hoseok. He told you one morning when you woke up with him wrapped around you with his head on your chest that when he was a child, his mother and sister would caress his arms and his chest to get him to fall asleep. Since that particular piece of information had been incorporated into your knowledge about him you hadn’t been able to use it until now; running your nails in circular motions at the nape of his neck, up behind his ears and down to his shoulders. His body slowly started unwinding and relaxing against yours, his eyelashes fluttering against your skin and his slowing breath lulling you slowly to sleep. You wouldn’t know who fell asleep first, but soon you were drifting off. 

Hushed voices arose you from your deep sleep but too comfortable now nested under Hoseok’s arm you didn’t stir. The voices were gaining more definition as the seconds passed and becoming easier to understand.

“… and you were out hyung, like a log,” was saying Taehyung.

“I didn’t expect you to be so comfortable with her so quickly, if I am to be honest,” continued Namjoon and you tried not to tense up.

Hoseok took a deep breath and dropped a small kiss to your head.

“It’s not the bond, if that’s what you’re getting at Joons,” he told him firmly, “she is IT, guys. Her personality is brilliant, she can keep up with us, she knows just what to do when I am tired or frustrated… Just the other day she took a look at me, dropped her bag and latched herself to my studio chair with me. I just worked but she was there, steady, dependable, sweet. She doesn’t crave attention, mine or anyone else’s, she’s just happy being there. I can’t put into words what she makes me feel, but the fact that she’s my soulmate is only one more certainty for us. I can see me perfectly falling hard for her when we get to know each other more, that’s how I feel.”

Silence had fallen over the room as his brothers processed what Hoseok had just said, and you were happy enough to repeat your three word confession inside your head, not knowing Hoseok felt and reciprocated the same feelings through the bond. Verbalising is taken for granted, but you two had your own way of showing love.

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[misora-msby]

scarred love.

rating : mature

word count : 4.3k

themes : angst, slight fluff, implied and mentions of sex

notes : based on vistlip’s CLASSIC OPERA // this is my first work on this blog, i hope you enjoy!

“I don’t think he loves me anymore.”

“No way… That’s not the case, I’m sure!”

“That’s what I want to think but…”

Suna could barely believe as he stood outside the bedroom door, hand barely making contact with the handle. Was that really what you thought? 

“I wonder if it’s normal for couples to fall out of love at this stage.”

“Mm… there’s certainly been couples I’ve known like that. They were in love for years but after they got married they decided it wasn’t the life for them and divorced.”

Suna heard your gasp follow the tinny voice from the phone. He had heard of similar stories before but never thought it would happen to him and you. 

Ever since you had gotten together, he was always subtle in his love. He was never the type to outright say “I love you” in public or to boldly proclaim his love for you on social media. Suna preferred linking pinkies while walking or to post photos of your study dates with simple captions like “another ‘10 minute break’” or “we are going to collapse”. 

Despite this, when you were in the privacy of your apartment, he almost never left your side. It was either his head on your lap, his legs laying over yours on the couch, or you sitting on his lap in some way albeit still being relatively quiet. 

So to think you were getting upset with the little attention he was showing recently had him confused. Wasn’t he always like this?

“But Y/N, I doubt Suna-san’s fallen out of love. Isn’t it just that his new job with EJP Raijin is keeping him busy?” 

“Y-Yeah but… he hasn’t said anything about it. He comes back late and leaves early and it just… It just sucks so much! I don’t know what to do!” you sob and Suna can hear the sound of you blowing your nose and coughing through your tears. 

Taking a step back from the bedroom door, the middle blocker moved to the couch and sat for a moment, head in his hands. He knew love couldn’t be perfect. A perfect relationship without fights or problems was just waiting to crumble from the slightest crack in it. But he wanted to at least prevent you from thinking this way. 

He wanted you to know he did love you. 

Later that night, he crawled into the bed, freshly showered and in his pyjamas - an old thin t-shirt and a pair of boxers. You laid beside him in your own pyjamas - one of his big t-shirts and a pair of shorts. 

“Y/N,” he turned onto his side and called your name, causing you to almost jump while attempting to fall asleep with your swirling thoughts.

“Yes, Rin?” 

“You have a free day tomorrow too, don’t you?”

“Well… yes. Why?”

The bed shifted under his movement to hold himself over you. 

“W-Wait a second! Rin! I’m not prepared or anything- mmf!” 

He pressed his lips to yours, his fox-like eyes shut delicately as he kissed you passionately. Before you knew it, his hands moved to your sides and began to lift the edge of the shirt up, but were quickly pushed down. 

“Rintarou,” you lightly pushed on his chest, “I uh… I’m not wearing any nice underwear… A-And I haven’t shaved. Can I go change and do that?” 

Honestly you were very surprised that he suddenly wanted to do this. Suna was always one to do things out of the blue; your relationship was built on impromptu dates and spontaneous gifts he claimed ‘reminded him of you’, but this really had came out of nowhere. 

You hadn’t been intimate in weeks and you wanted to at least look good for it, but Suna just shook his head. 

“You’re fine like this. I love you however you look.” He leaned back down and began to place kisses along your jaw and neck. 

His kisses were softer than usual, you noted. And his hands weren’t rushing to tear your clothes off like he usually did.

“Rin- ah! Rintarou, why are you doing this all of a sudden?”

“We’re both free tomorrow. Can’t I spend my free day with my girlfriend the way I want to?” he asked, looking up at you through his thin lashes. 

“Still! That gives me more time to go get ready.”

“No,” he shook his head and continued to kiss and bite along your neck and collarbones, leaving his marks of love on your skin, “I want to spend every second that I can with you now that I have the time.”

“Wait a second.”

Suna finally pulled his lips away from your skin, now littered with little marks, “What’s wrong?”

“Since when were you so romantic? It just… Don’t get me wrong, I’m super happy it’s just a little funny…” 

His eyes widened at the sight of tears welling up in your eyes.

“Y/N, are you okay?” he asked, cupping your face in his large rough hands gently. 

“I’m more than okay! No… I don’t know why I’m crying…” you sob softly, rubbing at your eyes. 

Suna chuckled lightly. “Is it because you’re filled with overwhelming love for me?”

“Rintarou!” you whined and hit his chest lightly. “You’re absolutely insufferable!”

“You say that but you were the one who asked me out on our graduation.” 

“...you little shit. I really do love you.” 

“Mm, I thought so. I love you too.” He continued to kiss and strip you.

Unlike your usual nights together which were spent fucking roughly, leaving bodies sore and lightly scarred, tonight was slow and loving albeit passionate as ever. Soft kisses and laughs were exchanged in the dark as Suna made love to you, thrusting slowly while mumbling words of love into your body. 

The next morning, you were woken up by the feeling of a kiss on your forehead. Your eyelids fluttered open and you squinted in the morning light to see Suna sitting on his side of the bed, clad only in boxers. There was also the scent of eggs and toast, and when you looked down, you saw it sitting on a plate between you two.

“I’m no Osamu here. But I think my cooking is still edible,” your boyfriend sighed before flopping down onto the bed beside you and closing his eyes. 

“You actually woke up to cook for me?” you asked, sitting up to look at the sunny-side-ups with broken yolks and the toast that was just a little too toasted for your liking. 

“Surprised myself too,” he yawned before squinting his eyes open, “More like… I wanted to surprise you. And wake you up with a kiss.”

“You’re so cheesy today, aren’t you!”

“I know, I think it’s weird too.”

On that day, you knew he still loved you. And you loved him more than ever before.

But that happiness couldn’t last forever. In the city of Tokyo where sadness and troubles rained down, something was bound to happen. Even the most heavily cemented cracks could once again break under a heavy enough pressure. 

Even if it took a couple of months.

“Rintarou! Welcome home!”

“Mm.”

Your brow furrowed slightly as you noticed his short answer. After shutting your laptop where you were answering some work related emails while waiting for your boyfriend, you made your way over to Suna who was hanging his winter coat by the door.

“Rin, are you alright?”

“Just tired.”

You sighed softly, “You shouldn’t overwork yourself. You need breaks sometimes too, you know?” And reached up to begin massaging his shoulders as you usually did. But he only pushed your hands away quickly, saying, “Not tonight,” before walking further into the apartment.

You bit your lower lip to prevent it from trembling any further while your hands stayed still as if frozen mid air. You were hesitating to tell him what you wanted to say earlier.

“Rintarou… Tomorrow you don’t have scheduled practice, right? I…” you took a deep breath as he turned to face you, eyes dark and heavy-looking. 

“Yeah.”

“I was wondering… Well, I don’t have work tomorrow either so I reserved a place at a nice restaurant for dinner! I think we both need a bit of a break, work’s been so busy and you’re also training so intensely and-”

“No.”

“H- Huh?” you laughed nervously, “What do you mean by ‘no’?”

“It means what it means, I don’t want to go.”

“Rintarou, you can’t just- I can’t- I promise it’s a really nice place! A-And I wanted to spend some time with you…” there was a lump welling up in your throat as you tried not to suddenly pour out your recent feelings towards him. 

The recent frustrations of not being able to spend much time with your boyfriend anymore, the annoyance at the way he would always spend his free time doing self training, the anger towards his schedule which rarely ever allowed you to meet, the sadness of the fact that your shared apartment no longer had the sound of laughter when you two played games or watched silly YouTube videos together...

All that frustration felt like it was just being held up behind that lump in your throat, and to think he would simply dismiss it without a second thought.

“You should’ve asked before you started making plans. I’m going to the gym tomorrow again. We have a match against the Red Falcons in two weeks so I need to become at least a bit stronger,” Suna explained monotonously, as if you should have known that already.

“I- I know but… I thought… it’d be a nice surprise…”

The man sighed and turned to walk towards the bathroom, ready to just shower and go to sleep. He simply could not be bothered to argue with you, thinking this problem would solve itself like it always did. But you had had enough of this issue.

Suna hadn’t even realised it was coming until he felt a small bell keychain hit the back of his head. It fell to the hardwood floor with a loud clang which lasted for far too long, causing him to inhale sharply and turn around, anger and annoyance replacing the bored expression on his face for once. 

“What the hell is-” he was about to raise his voice until he saw the way your features trembled and your eyes had already become red and puffy. His own features softened and his body unstiffened. “Y/N…”

“You know, the least you could do is try to be nice to me!” you yelled, furiously wiping away the tears forming. “You could at least say “Mm, I’m really not free but we can do it some other time.” or some shit like that! But no! I- I’m busy too, you know! I’m trying to get promoted so I don’t have to rely on yer dumb ass all the time, but I still want to make time for you because I love you so much! But I don’t think ya get that!” 

Something in the back of your mind was telling you not to say these things, that maybe you could just talk this out calmly. Maybe you didn’t have to explode, but something else told you this was the only way to get a point across.

“I’m your girlfriend, but I feel more like a roommate or burden at this point! Ya know, even ‘Tsumu’s able to make time for his girlfriend! And- And Bokuto’s always doing his promotions and ads but still makes time for his boyfriend! Ojiro-senpai too! Miyu-chan tells me he’s the one planning the dates! But ya can’t even be bothered to pretend you’re happy I tried ta plan somethin’ for us!” 

Suna knew you really were angry when your dialect started coming out but he just didn’t know what to say. He could only stand there in silence with his head hanging like a child being scolded.

“Rintarou… I love you so much you know… I just wonder these days- no, I just wonder if you ever loved me back the same way.”

Oh, he knew. Ever since that night when he heard you crying on the phone, he knew he wasn’t doing enough. 

“I… I’m sorry.” Suna looked up when he suddenly heard those words from you amidst the sobs and chokes. 

“I already left your pyjamas on the bathroom counter… Please don’t… Just please don’t talk to me tonight.” you hurried to the tiny kitchen to wash your face as he silently made his way to the bathroom, thoughts swirling around in his head. 

Suna stared at your figure silently for a second before bending down to pick up the bell - a cheap gift he had given you for your third month together right after you two first started university. It was old, the string slightly frayed and loose, and the golden paint had chipped in places to reveal the stainless steel underneath it. There was even a dent on the bottom from when you accidentally dropped one of your heavier textbooks onto it. It was old, and Suna had told you countless times it was fine to throw away, but you always kept it. 

The man took it and carefully placed it back on the key rack before heading into the bathroom. He took his time in there, gathering his thoughts as he knew he wouldn’t be sharing a bed with you tonight.

It was understandable really, he hadn’t been a great boyfriend. Suna knew a relationship took work from both sides and he shouldn’t have been as blunt as he was earlier that night. 

One couldn’t count the number of times he had muttered profanities aimed towards himself while sitting in the bathtub thinking about his mistakes. He didn’t know if you would even want to see him tomorrow morning. Maybe it was for the best he just went to the gym…

The next morning, Suna woke up early. Even in winter, the sun rose far too early in Japan for his taste. Sitting up and grumbling, he rubbed his eyes and stumbled to the bathroom to begin his morning routine.

Looking at himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth, he could only sigh at the sight of the dark circles under his eyes. 

Though you made him sleep on the stiff couch last night, you gave him the shared duvet and his pillow while you took the slightly thinner blanket from the closet. 

Despite the added comfort, Suna could barely fall asleep. He kept twisting and turning, thinking about you. Your pained face, your strained voice, your kindness even when angry at him. 

“I fucked up so bad,” he muttered once he washed his face and stared at his pathetically tired self in the mirror, water dripping from the ends of his hair. Would you want to break up with him after that? He’d understand if you wanted to, though he knew he would never be able to forgive himself for losing you because of some stupid mistake he could have prevented. 

Suna sighed for what felt like the thousandth time in the past 12 hours and dabbed his face dry with a towel. He knew that now would be the hardest bit - entering your bedroom to get his change of clothes.

Opening the door as slowly as possible in order to prevent the loud whiny creaking that he wished he had fixed months ago, Suna walked slowly towards the open closet. As quickly as possible, he grabbed a set of clothes and turned to face the door. Though it wasn’t without looking at your sleeping form on the large bed. 

Your face was puffy, dehydrated from sobbing last night, only emphasised by the wads of used tissues on the nightstand and floor. He noticed your breathing was a bit heavier than usual and your body was curled up as you hugged the thin blanket as close to yourself as you could.

The sight pained him intensely. 

With silent footsteps, Suna set his clothes on his side (the empty side) of the bed and tiptoed out to grab the duvet before returning and carefully laying it over your body. He tucked it right up to your chin as you always liked it and sat on the floor, eyes scanning every little feature on your face. From the smallest moles he loved to kiss to each individual eyelash.

“You’re not hearing this, I guess,” he muttered, looking down at the floor for a moment before looking back up at you, “I thought about it for a really long time. I really should’ve been better to you.”

The silence in the room was deafening. 

Suna gulped and bit the inside of his cheek as he thought about his next words, wondering if you could hear him in your sleep. 

“I always left you alone but you would always be nice to me. When you could, you’d make me bentos and clean the house while I did the laundry. Hm… putting stuff into a machine isn’t anywhere equal to cooking and cleaning surfaces, but I guess that’s another point to make.” 

Suna smiled to himself just a bit at the memory of you running into the bedroom to make him try your new pastries or dinner creations. He always thought you were so adorable in your old and stained apron that sometimes he would just stand in the kitchen to chat with you or watch you cook.

Then he was reminded of the dinner you had planned for the two of you and he suddenly frowned remembering how horrible he acted towards you the night before.

“You never expected me to be perfect since day one. I think I’m the furthest thing from a handsome prince on a white horse. But you’ve always been wonderful to me. And I was thinking…” You were asleep, right? Was it worth it to say such cheesy things?

“I kept wondering if you would leave and I thought I don’t want to lose you. I’m nowhere close to a prince but I thought I want to always be the one who wakes you up with a kiss. Or, I want you to wake me up with a kiss. Either is fine really. But… yeah. I’m sorry. Really, really sorry. ” He was certain you weren’t hearing these things yet there was a dark blush on his cheeks.

Until he saw you shift in the bed. 

Suna swears his heart stopped momentarily as he leaned closer, checking to see if you had woken up. 

Your eyelids slowly opened and you squinted tiredly at Suna, just barely able to see him with how blurry your vision had become. “Rin…?”

The man hurried to his feet, hoping his morning wouldn’t feel any heavier than it already did. 

“I’m gonna give you some space. I’ll be back after my jog.” 

Suna turned to exit the bedroom but was stopped by the sound of stumbling, followed by your warmth around his waist and resting on his back.

“Please… don’t go.”

He stared silently at the floor in front of him. 

“I don’t think you want to-”

“Stay here! …please?” 

Your soft voice broke but mended his heart at the same time. The scratchiness and fear in your voice contrasted with the words that he wanted to hear so badly.

“Did you…”

“Yeah, I heard everything.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Of course I’m still a little mad. But right now I’m just really happy you would say those things when you normally wouldn’t tell me how you feel. So… please, don’t go. Stay with me.”

The few moments of silence seemed to pass in eons as Suna took in a shaky breath before turning to hug you tightly, burying his face into your neck so you couldn’t see his tears of relief.

“Of course I will. I won’t go anywhere, babe.”

Four years have passed since that night. Suna yawns and scrunches up his face slightly at the way the sunlight enters your shared bedroom. Squinting his eyes, he looks around the room and wonders if maybe he should’ve put on a shirt like you did last night to deal with the first bites of winter. Then again, you did take his shirt.

He then looks to you, sleeping quietly by his side. You looked a little like a mess; hair messy, dwarfed in his big shirt, cheek smushed against the pillow, but he thought you looked adorable. 

It’s cold, but he feels warm by your side. 

And when he looks down at your left hand resting under his even in your sleep, the sight of the silver ring with its diamonds adorning your finger makes his heart even warmer.

[winter-soldier-vibes]

Burnout (Bucky x reader)

“Burnout”

Bucky x reader

Warnings: burnout, overworked, mental breakdown/panic attack

Word count: 3377

A/N: Take care of yourself, burnout is real and you CAN get sick. Trust me. I’m always here if you wanna talk to someone about anything or want another friend. Stay strong <3

Includes: Lyrics from the song “Weight of the World” by Citizen Soldier

Tags: @buckys2thicc @thatfangirl42 @thundering-barnes @abitgryffindorky @ladyfallonavenger

---------

These nights were becoming more common. And that wasn’t a good thing.

You sat at your desk surrounded by papers, empty cans of energy drinks, and a bright laptop screen. You held your head in your hands and you tried to keep your eyes awake, turning the screen brightness higher. 

1:46 AM

You sighed and rubbed your eyes, trying to rub the sleep out of them. You took your hands away and looked back at the screen briefly before covering your face again. 

You lived with the Avengers and were a huge asset to the team. Not only were you enhanced with powers, but you were incredibly intelligent. That being the case, you worked with Tony and Bruce in the lab either developing new ideas or fixing suits after missions. As well as being on the mission yourself. Therefore you trained early every morning with Steve and Bucky. You also did most of the mission reports, switching off with Steve once and a while.

Most nights you could be found either working through paperwork, down in the lab working into the morning with Tony, or researching for new projects in said lab. You never meant to stay up as late as you did, but no matter how hard you worked, more work kept appearing. Every 10 PM soon turned into 2 AM, and you could never quite catch a break. You had turned to caffeine not long ago, quickly using it as a crutch to supplement sleep. 

You had just gotten back from a long mission with the team, and were incredibly sore. Steve hadn’t gone on this mission, leaving you to finish the report. Add to that, Tony wanted to make a better suit for Peter, and Sam’s wings were busted. Tony was working on Peter’s suit, wanting to make it perfect, leaving you with fixing the wings for Sam. 

You decided to work on Sam’s Falcon suit first, seeing that you lived on Planet Earth and he could be scheduled for another mission at any time. What seemed to be superficial damage turned out to be extensive, and required much more repairing that you had anticipated. What you had planned to be a 2 hour process had turned into just over a day of work in the lab. 

Not wanting to lose your place and needing a distraction from the soreness, you had worked for hours straight, only breaking to relieve yourself every so often. You were exhausted and ready to fall asleep when you laid back in your bed. Only to check your notifications and see an email from Fury requesting the mission report immediately.

Sent hours ago.

Which led you to where you were now. You hadn’t slept in almost 48 hours, sore from the mission, with a tedious mission report to fill out. Taking a deep breath, you removed your hands from your face.

 2:07 AM.

You groaned, but brought your hands back to the keyboard and began typing. The words were blurring together and you shook your head a few times trying to stay awake. Somehow, you finished the report and sent it off and looked at the time again.

3:13 AM

You rubbed your temples before climbing back into your bed, sighing out as your eyes filled with tears. It wasn’t uncommon for you to go to bed this late/early. Lately Tony had been coming up with more ideas and would ask you to help. Since Tony works through most of the night, you had learned to do the same. You don’t remember the last time you had more than 3 or 4 hours of sleep. 

You were off the hook for training for a few days, due to having just gotten back from a mission. And while you had been hesitant at first, you were grateful now that you had a bit more time to sleep. Despite the caffeine you had consumed to stay awake, you were absolutely exhausted. Tears threatened to fall from your eyes but you tried to breathe through it. You just wanted a break but couldn’t seem to catch one. 

You curled into yourself as your stomach began to growl. ‘When was the last time I ate?’ you thought. Not that it mattered, there was nothing that could bring you out of your bed at that moment. You drifted off to sleep.

-----

You woke up to your phone chiming and groaned, picking it up to see what was so important. Your eyes find the top message, informing you that the mission report you had submitted was incomplete. You jolted out of bed and over to your desk to begin working on the report again, biting back tears of embarrassment at such a ridiculous error on your part. How could you have been so tired that you missed an entire section of a report?

You cracked open another energy drink that you kept in your room and began guzzling it. You were still in the same clothes as the day before and you hadn’t taken your hair down from it’s bun in days. Your stomach grumbled but you answered it with more of the energy drink. You would deal with hunger later. This was much more important. 

Your head was pounding and you could barely sit up straight. You had barely gotten a few hours of sleep and somehow felt more tired than you had before it. Your sight became more blurry as it became harder to suppress the tears. You were angry at yourself, why couldn’t you just get this one fucking thing done?

You worked through the section quickly, or at least, you tried to. You kept having to reread sections, not comprehending what the words were saying anymore. You rubbed your eyes aggressively and shook your head, trying to concentrate. You reached to grab the energy drink again, but instead accidentally spilled it all over yourself. Letting out a “Fuck!” as you stood up, something inside you snapped. 

You threw the can across the room, not caring how much was left inside of it. You flipped your chair and crumbled the miscellaneous papers on your desk. You let out a scream of frustration, and threw a picture frame across the room. After which, you bent over and placed your hands on your knees, small sobs beginning to wrack your body. You were just so tired, you had work to do, but you couldn’t do it no matter how simple it was. 

You walked around the mess and into your bathroom, closing the door. You turned on the shower and got in, not even bothering to take off your clothes or wait for it to warm up. You didn’t care. You couldn’t. You sank to the floor, tears streaming down your face as the shower began to warm. You couldn’t bring yourself together, every time you tried to calm down a new wave of frustration and exhaustion would hit you and you would start crying all over again. You held your hand to your chest, trying to catch your breath a little, not having much success. You were gasping for air, it felt like you were breathing fire. Unable to fight it anymore, you started choking out lyrics to one of your go-to sad songs.

Feel the weight of the world over me tonight.

If I break, if I break down this time

You took a shaky breath and choked out the next line

Hope you know I tried…

Meanwhile, Bucky had been thinking about you. The two of you were very close, you had been ever since Steve had introduced you to him. He was in awe of how you could both rival Tony in the lab and himself in the training room. That and how much you did for others. You had helped him a lot when Bucky had first come to the compound. And he was very grateful.

He knew you had gotten back from a mission a few days ago, and were probably exhausted. From what he had heard it had been a brutal mission. However, in the past, you had usually gotten back into the routine of daily life pretty quickly. He hasn’t so much as seen you since you got back. 

He couldn’t help but worry.

He decided to go to your room to check on you, seeing as it was later in the morning and you had had a chance to sleep. Little did he know, you hadn’t. When he got to your door he knocked and waited for a response. He was met with nothing. However, with his enhanced hearing, he heard muffled singing from inside. He couldn’t hear the words, but you sounded in pain. 

My mind’s such a mess, I can’t handle it, I’m at the end of my rope.

Worried, he let himself in and took in the state of the room. It was completely trashed, shattered glass, overturned furniture, crumbled papers. He heard the shower running and could hear your cries through the lyrics

My neck is breaking body shaking

Sometimes it’s so hard to breathe

But no one sees it follows me i always end up underneath

The weight of the world…

You began coughing, still gasping for air and holding your chest. Bucky came over to the bathroom door and opened it, concerned you were in pain. You were sitting on the floor, drenched and shaking. Steam filled the room, fogging up the mirrors. He came over to you, trying to get your attention but you couldn’t hear him. Worried, he stepped into the shower as well, swearing as it burned his skin. He crouched down in front of you and took your face in his hands, trying to guide your face to his.

“Y/n, y/n can you hear me? Can you look at me?” he said. 

Coming back to your senses slightly, you tried to figure out who was in front of you. You grabbed one of his forearms and focused your eyes, still struggling to breathe. You found Bucky’s blue eyes looking back at you.

Bucky, knowing you were now aware of his presence, reached to turn off the water while still maintaining eye contact. You were coughing, choking on each breath, still shaking and crying. Bucky had never seen you like this. You tried looking around again, forgetting briefly where you were and what had happened, breath picking up again in confusion.  “Hey, hey, y/n? I need you to keep your eyes on me okay?”

“It...hurts..” you gasped out, feeling like fire filled your lungs. Your arms had gone numb and in the absence of the warm water your wet body was now shivering from both the cold and anxiety. 

Bucky quickly looked you up and down. “What hurts, y/n?” he said calmly but firmly even though he was freaking out internally.

Fresh tears spilled out of your eyes. You tried to talk but couldn’t speak through your panic. You rubbed your chest, willing your heart to slow down but it wouldn’t. 

Bucky, still keeping his eyes locked on yours, said “Listen, y/n, I need you to try and breathe with me slowly, okay? Like this,” he breathed in deeply and let it out slowly. You tried to copy him and after a few breaths lost your pace. You shook your head. “I can’t…. I...I…”

. “It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re safe y/n. Try again, I’m right here okay? Look at me.” he said, still breathing deeply. Eventually, you were able to find a rhythm and catch your breath, becoming aware of the situation and everything that had happened. Now able to breathe, you felt new tears of shame rush to your eyes. There were a few moments of silence

“What happened?” Bucky asked, concern etched on his face. 

You let out a small sob and covered your face, and Bucky’s heart shattered. He had never seen anyone this upset, nevermind you. You had always been so strong, energetic, joyful. And here you were, soaking wet and shaking on the shower floor. What the hell had happened to you? 

He stood up and got out of the shower, also soaked, but he didn’t care about that right now. He leaned down and put one arm behind your back and the other looped under your knees and he picked you up. He placed you down on the vanity and stood in front of you. He carefully took your wrists and pulled them away from your face, you looking at him through bloodshot eyes. 

“You - you’re soaked,” you said, both out of shock and in an attempt to deflect the attention from you.

“Wh- I mean, yeah, so are you,” Bucky said. “Y/n, can you tell me what happened?”

You looked down at your hands and swallowed thickly, embarrassed. “I, uh…” you cleared your throat. What had happened? You closed your eyes and rubbed your head. 

The shower

The song

Your room

The report

The energy drink

Oh fuck

You sighed out “Shit, I just…” again, shame began to overtake you. “It’s stupid, forget about it,” you said, trying to stand up. 

Bucky stopped you, confused. “Y/n, whatever just happened, that…  That’s not caused by something stupid. I’ve never seen you so upset before. Hell I’ve never seen anyone so upset before. But I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“Really, Buck, I’m fine,” you said.

“Then why are you trying not to cry?”

You sighed. There was no other way out of this. You looked at him and said, “I was just done.” You looked back down at your hands, and continued trying to keep the waiver out of your voice. “I just, um...After the mission I had to fix Sam’s wings, and it took me longer than I expected. And then I still had the mission report which took me all of last night and then I found out that I had missed an entire section. And I got mad that I couldn’t focus or stay awake and I just kind of...broke.”

As you looked back at him, face not as red, he could see how tired you seemed. “Are you sleeping?”

“I mean, a little bit it’s not like I’ve been awake this whole time but -”

“Y/n.”

You looked at him. “A couple of hours a night at most,” you said quietly. 

Bucky nodded sadly. “Anything else?”

You opened and closed your mouth a few times. “I mean it’s not a big deal -”

“What I just saw was a big deal,” Bucky said gently.

“I haven’t really made time to eat either,” you tried to laugh it off a little. “Just kind of chugged energy drinks. But then I spilled it all over myself, so...bad idea I guess.”

Bucky wasn’t laughing. But he wasn’t angry either. He was, but not at you, never at you.

“I’m sorry,” you said. 

“Why didn’t you say anything? The days off after missions are there for rest.”

You shrugged. “I had important shit to do.” 

“Well you’re pretty important shit too,” he said a little more firmly, but still not angrily. He sighed. “But really, if you’re not okay then nothing gets done. You’re going to get sick if you keep doing this to yourself. When was the last time you had more than a few hours of sleep?”

“I don’t know,” you answered honestly. 

He sighed once again. “I’m sorry,” you said, fearful that he was angry with you.

“No, it’s not your fault I just…” he looked away for a second before looking back at you. “I don’t like seeing you like this. I don’t want you pushing yourself so hard and getting hurt.”

You sighed sadly and rubbed your eyes. “Every day I tell myself it’s the last day I’ll stay up so late. I always tell myself I’ll eat after my project is done. But no matter how hard I work there’s just more and more work that needs to get done. And I can’t keep up. I feel like I’m drowning. But no matter how much I hate it I...I always come last,” you said. 

“You shouldn’t have to,” Bucky said.

After a few moments of silence, Bucky pulled you in for a hug, you still sitting on the counter. You closed your eyes against his chest and sighed out, feeling good finally getting all of that off of your chest. 

“You’re taking the next few days off.” he said. 

You pulled back and looked at him. “But the report -”

“Is mostly done and Steve can get the rest of the information from Sam.” Bucky finished for you.

“But -”

“Nope. There is not a single thing you could say right now that is going to prevent me from making sure you take care of yourself for a few days.” he said, and you knew he was right. Nodding, he pulled you back in for a hug. 

“We should get out of these clothes.” you said softly, shivering a little. 

Bucky laughed a little. “Yeah, we really should.” 

You moved to stand up from the counter, still a little weak as you leaned on Bucky a little. You walked slowly out to your room and were met with the mess you created earlier. “Shit,” you said, taking in the broken glass and furniture.

Bucky turned you around and said “Do you want to come to my room? We can deal with this some other time.”

You simply nodded, stepping around the broken shards of glass and to the hallway. Bucky’s room wasn’t far from yours, and luckily no one was in the hallways to comment on how both of you were in wet clothes. Once in his room, he closed the door after you and went to his dresser. He pulled out a pair of sweats and one of his T-shirts and handed them to you. “They might be a little big but -”

“Thank you,” you said, taking the clothes and heading to his bathroom. You closed the door and peeled your current outfit off of you. You found a spare towel and dried off the rest of you, and pulled on Bucky’s clothes. They were huge on you, but you didn’t mind. You took your hair down and redid your bun before splashing some cold water on your face. Deeming you looked more presentable, you came back out and saw that Bucky had also changed. Smiling warmly, he pointed to the bed. 

“So you are going to lie down, and I am going to go make you some food. I’ll be right back.”

You started shaking your head. “No, it’s okay, you don’t have -”

He raised his eyebrows, still pointing to the bed. Swallowing a laugh, you nodded and sat down on the bed. Bucky then left the room and returned a few minutes later with a sandwich. After you had eaten it, you laid back in the bed, melting into the softness of the mattress. You faced away from Bucky, who was sitting next to you on his phone. He was (slowly)  texting Steve to finish your report, which took very little convincing. 

After a few minutes, you asked “Can you lay down with me?”

Bucky smiled a little to himself. “Sure, doll,” he said, and he moved to lie down next to you. Unsure of what exactly you wanted, he gave you space. Not soon after, you turned over and scooted closer to his side. After a moment of shock from Bucky, you asked “Is this okay?” Readjusting a little, he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you closer. “Yeah, is this okay?” he asked in return.  You merely hummed in approval, already feeling safer in his warm embrace. He let out a small laugh. “Try to get some rest, y/n. I’ll be here whenever you wake up.”

It was the most peaceful sleep you had ever had.

[haikyuu-scenarios-drabbles]

Shower Friends (Miya Atsumu x F!reader)

The dorm you live in has co-ed bathrooms. Why that’s remotely a good idea is beyond you; and recently, your precious shower time is being interrupted by a certain blonde haired setter for the volleyball team. When he lies to his teammates that he has a girlfriend, somehow you get roped into his scheme.

genre(s): college!au, fake dating, angst, fluff, mutual pining, enemies to lovers (kinda), eventual smut  words: 2.2k

a/n: and here we are at the end, tbh im a little sad this fic is over, it was so fun to write and i am DEFINITELY more in love with Atsumu than i was before

one | two | three | four | five |

Epilogue 

Four years have passed since you and Atsumu finally got together, and this is the third year in a row he has an away game scheduled on your anniversary. It’s hard for you to actually be mad, he can’t control his schedule. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be disappointed.

And Atsumu hates that he’s let you down again. Wanting more than anything to finally spend your actual anniversary together instead of substituting for an early or late celebration. You’re a good sport, and he loves you for that, supporting him and his volleyball career without complaint despite his long absences and track record of missing important events.

Though the night before he’s set to leave, you’re sitting beside him on the couch, tucked under his arm while the two of you watch something on the TV. For the past few minutes, you’ve been fiddling with his shirt between your fingers and he knows you’re gathering the courage to say something. He’s pretty certain he can guess what it’ll be about too. And all he can do is brace himself when he hears you huff.

“What if you mysteriously came down with something?” You finally say.

He has to laugh at that. “That’s pretty diabolical of you.”

You shrug, already feeling silly you brought it up at all. It’s not really a big deal, but it’s been three years since either of you were even in the same country on the day you swallowed your pride and stormed into his dorm room to confess to him. Sue you for being a bit put out by it.

“Did you poison my dinner or something?” His heart lifts at the small chuckle he gets out of you from that.

“No, but don’t give me any ideas.”

He rests his cheek on the top of your head, eyes still on the TV as he jokes, “Besides, ya think they have any chance of winning without me?”

He feels your smile against his chest, then jolts at the jab you give him in the side. But still you say, “They’d be nothing without you.”

Pulling you into his lap, he cradles your face in his hands and looks at you seriously. And even after four years, you’ve never gotten tired of the way he looks at you—still like you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever laid eyes on.

“I’m sorry,” he says sincerely. “I know it sucks.”

“It does,” you pout.

Pressing his forehead to yours he murmurs, “I’d be with you if I could.”

You love these intimate moments with him, when you both let your teasing natures fall away and all that’s left is how much you love each other. Even after four years, it’s still abundant, and somehow still growing every day. So, you sink into his embrace and reply, “I know.” And you do. That’s what makes it bearable. Knowing that even though he’s off in some exciting country, playing the game he loves—there isn’t a minute that goes by that he doesn’t think about you.

“You gunna watch the game?”

It so happens that this year, his game landed on the exact date of your anniversary. When he’d found out, he’d vowed to make you proud; to make him being away so often worth it to you. And it makes his heart swell when you say without hesitation, “Of course.”

So, a couple days later as he’s about to leave for the airport, he tugs you to him, lowers his lips to yours and kisses you as if he’s going off to war or something. He knows it’s a bit overkill, but he doesn’t really care. He wants to do everything he can to make it up to you. And damn, is he slapped in the face with how much he loves you when you finally separate and you tease him, “Sheesh, you’ll be back in a couple days.”

His response is to kiss you again and again muttering between kisses, “Gotta get my fill now to tide me over.”

He only leaves when you’re practically shoving him out the door. “You’re going to be late!” He reluctantly let’s go of you, hefts his duffel over his shoulder, takes his suitcase in hand and heads down the hallway towards the elevator. On his way there, you shout, “Say hi to the boys for me!”

He smiles smugly, winking over his shoulder at you. “Will do.” Knowing full well his teammates are extremely jealous of him because of you. And why yes—he absolutely does love rubbing you in their faces.

Once he’s out of sight, your smile falters as you shut the door and turn to your now empty apartment. A sadness falls over your heart that’s familiar but unwelcome. You have to find something to distract yourself, otherwise you’ll just let yourself wallow, which you know Atsumu wouldn’t want.

On the night of your anniversary, you eat dinner at Osamu’s restaurant as you normally do on the nights of Atsumu’s away games. You sit at the bar alone, watching the game on the many TV’s around that Osamu always has on the sports channel when Atsumu is playing. Tonight, you notice Osamu chats with you more than he normally does, and you’re certain he’s picked up on your somber vibes.

He even sits at the bar next to you, talking with you about the game and doing an excellent job of distracting you from the hole Atsumu always leaves whenever he’s gone. Tonight, that hole feels even bigger than it usually does.

“He’s playing good tonight,” Osamu notes, his trained eyes fixated on the TV. No matter how many games you watch, or how often Atsumu talks about volleyball, you’ll never have the same understanding of the game that Osamu does.

Chin resting on your palm, you glance at him from the corner of your eye. “Is he?” To you, it always looks like Atsumu is playing well.

But you like listening to Osamu’s technical breakdown of his gameplay and aren’t opposed to helping his endeavor of distracting you. “He’s tuned in,” is all he says by way of explanation.

You watch the TV with newfound interest, noticing that Osamu seems to be right. Atsumu is normally pretty focused, but tonight whenever the camera shows a closeup of him, the look in his eyes is razor sharp. And yet, he’s still making those insane plays that catch his opponents completely off guard. You can feel your pride bubbling up in your chest like it does every time you watch him play, quirking your lips upward into a small smile.

You love how much Atsumu loves volleyball, and whenever you can you go to his games here in Japan because watching him on TV is nothing compared to in person. Plus, it’s way more fun getting swept up into his arms in the heat of the moment after a win than several days later when the excitement has died a little.

You watch Atsumu the rest of the game, noting how the closer they get to match point, the more tenacious he becomes. But unlike other times, when he gets too excited and starts making insane plays that might not work, he seems to be dialing in even further, pulling the best out of all of his hitters even when they’re at the end of their rope. You at least know enough about volleyball to appreciate just how amazing that is.

To your delight, the Black Jackals win, and as usual several of the players get interviewed afterwards. Somehow, Hinata and Bokuto are still full of energy despite playing a full match, speaking excitedly to the interviewer. The coverage switches to Atsumu’s interview, and you can’t help ogling him a little bit. He somehow manages to look good, his hair damp from sweat but eyes gleaming from the adrenaline of the match.

And as you suspect, like Hinata and Bokuto, he’s pretty amped after the game. Amped enough that he completely ignores the interviewer’s questions and looks right at the camera. Immediately, you’re struck by the feeling that he’s looking directly at you. “I’ve only got one thing to say and that’s happy anniversary to the lovely lady I got waiting for me at home.”

The interviewer flusters, changing gears quickly and trying to get Atsumu to comment more on his relationship, but all he does is give the camera his signature smile and a wink before turning his back to the screen and rejoining his celebrating teammates. You don’t hear what the interviewer says next. You’re pinned to your seat, stunned, until your natural reaction is to burst out laughing at his proclamation.

Osamu just eyes you curiously, a small smile splaying across his lips as you say, “Only Atsumu—I swear.”

He shrugs. “Hey, you picked him.”

“Yes,” you laugh. “Yes, I did.” And you really wouldn’t have it any other way, no matter how long or how many times he’s apart from you.  

You leave shortly after the coverage of the game has ended, bidding Osamu goodnight and thanking him for his company and hospitality. He waves you out, and once you’re on your way home, you’re suddenly overwhelmed by the loneliness you’ve successfully kept at bay until now. The thought of climbing into a cold bed that feels too big when Atsumu’s not there settles into the front of your mind and it’s hard not to spiral into the sadness that’s been looming over you all day.

You sigh, wrapping your coat tighter around you, trudging towards your apartment that you know is going to suffocate you with its silence. You know it’s pretty pathetic missing him so much, feeling sorry for yourself that you’re alone once again on this day, but you can’t help it. The hope that next year will be different is nearly gone by now, your determination to refuse to accept it finally broken.

Entering the dark apartment, you toss your keys onto the counter and make your way to the living room, fully intending on spending the rest of the night mindlessly watching some TV show until you fall asleep. Subconsciously, your thoughts wander to what Atsumu is doing right now. The team usually goes out after games, especially ones they win. And it’ll be a day or two until they leave wherever they’re at, so they have plenty of time.

Part of you aches at the thought of him out, having a good time with his team, while you’re here—alone, watching some lame TV show and feeling sorry for yourself.

What you don’t know, is that Atsumu has forgone the celebration tonight. In fact, he’s rushing to the airport to catch his late flight back to Japan. He booked this flight the day after he found out he was going to be gone again. He might not make it back in time to be there on the actual date, but he hopes the gesture is enough.

On the flight, he thinks about your reaction, imagining your laugh and beaming smile at the sight of him. Daydreaming about sweeping you up into his arms and kissing you until you’re both breathless and dizzy keeps him awake, though he doubts you’ll be when he arrives. That’s alright, he perfectly happy surprising you in the morning too.

He gets back to Japan in the early hours of the morning, and when he enters the apartment, he finds you fast asleep under a blanket on the couch, the TV casting a faint glow into the room. He smiles softly to himself, allowing himself a minute to appreciate how adorable you look. Leaning down, he finagles his arms beneath your shoulders and legs and hefts you into his arms to carry you to the bedroom. To his surprise, you don’t wake up. Instead, you mumble quietly, and his heart nearly bursts at how even in your sleep you press closer to him.

Tucking you in, he kisses you lightly on the forehead before climbing under the covers beside you. Pulling you into his arms, you fit nicely in his embrace, and he falls into an easy sleep.

~

In the morning, your eyes flutter open, blearily looking around and realizing you’re now in the bedroom. When did you move in here? Did you put yourself to bed last night without realizing it? It’s then that your eyes snap open at the realization that the apartment smells like breakfast. Heart thundering against your chest, you throw the covers off you and head towards the kitchen so fast you almost trip in the hallway.

Upon seeing Atsumu standing at the stove, his back to you, it’s hard to keep your feet under you. And without your permission, tears well up in your eyes so fast that a few drops are already sliding down your cheeks. You sniff to try and get a hold of yourself, which gets Atsumu’s attention.

He whips around to find you standing at the entryway of the hallway with tears streaking down your face and immediately his heart softens. “Happy anniversary, love,” he says by way of greeting.

You can’t stop yourself; your feet move before your brain can catch up with them, throwing yourself into his open arms. He squeezes you tight, and then your lips are on his, your fingers tangling into his hair pulling him closer as you slot your body against his. He can’t help chuckling at you, despite thoroughly enjoying this reaction to his surprise.

“I’m trying to cook breakfast,” he says between kisses.

You don’t think he’ll be very hard to convince to abandon the eggs on the stove. With one hand, you turn the burner off. “Don’t care,” you say, pushing him back towards the bedroom.

He happily obliges.

~

taglist:  @apollochjld @kurosarium @vicassa @carbs-need-more-love @underratedmage @idek-at-thispoint @wtfeverbrandi @food8me @yikes-buddy @ntimacy @nyxiie @oikawasbooty @chocolate3010 @sugawarabby @greenyiplier @kritiiiii @tokyosdawn @youstydiaa @h3llok1ttygirl @honeyapplepi @iminlovewhaikyuu @moonlightaangel @tetrapot-melon-tea @putmeinyourdeathnote @fireworkemoji102 @angrylittleriri @anime-simp @hxked @silverwhare @grandfestivalalienlight @waitforitillwritemywayout @tendo-sxtori @plxstic-rose @hqissodelicate @unknownloving @cielhidalgo @mattsunsoswag @yoitsseulgi @whenyouscream @cereal-kileeeeer @jackadlersstuff @oopsliales @sssjuico10 

[ceo-of-daichi]

Request ~ ‘Lydz! I need a Daichi fluff so bad. SO BAD. Could I request a long distance relationship with Daichi, and one day after s/o cries over the phone saying that she misses him, he decides to fly to her as a a surprise!! 😭💖 it can be a hc or drabble one-shot, whatever you’re comfortable with! Thank you bb ily ❤️’ ~ @mrs-kuroojinguji

Characters ~ Sawamura Daichi x Fem!Reader

Genre ~ Fluff

Warnings ~ Kinda a rollercoaster of emotions... a bit of the reader crying

Word Count ~ 1.8k+

A/N ~ Haven’t written a long fic in a while so i hope you guys enjoy this!!!💛 Thank you to @scorpiosanssexy for beta reading this☺️ Also i’m so sorry this took so long for me to write Ana😫

‘I love you baby…’ You hear as you hang up your phone, tossing it to the side. Another night where you slept in an empty bed. You had lost track of how many it's been without him by your side physically. A year? Maybe closer to two? The hope that one day soon you would wake up to his warm arms around you, his breath fanning on the back of your neck. Comfort, something he automatically provided. It was in his aura, whenever he was close and sadly you hadn’t felt it in a while.

As much as you loved the UK it was far away from home, not only your family but your friends and from Daichi. The one you wished you could spend every waking moment with, someone who you could see yourself with for the rest of your life. You felt so far away from him, 5,732 miles to be exact, a number you had spent so many sleepless nights thinking about. As your head hit the pillow you figured tonight was going to be another one of those nights. 

Your day seemed to drag as all you could think about was Daichi’s words to you last night. ‘I can’t come see you yet, I'm so sorry, work is piling up and with my family wanting me home I just can’t spare the time to fly over… I’m so sorry, I'm going to have to fly over in summer.’ Was what he had said, he was meant to come see you after Christmas, but as it was early into January now you had lost hope for seeing him. 

It wasn’t long before both of your universities started up again for the new term, you would have to pray he would be able to come visit in summer or you could get the funds to see him. It was getting hard to be away from him, everyday the ache seemed to worsen in your chest.

Even when you both first got together, he knew that all you needed to feel better was a hug or his arm comfortingly on your back. To be pulled onto his lap so he could hold you impossibly close, you were always someone who has loved his touch. You were addicted to it. Both of you knew that it would be harder long distance yet you couldn’t bear to break up. But it was starting to prove to be harder than you anticipated.

‘You know you don’t have to continuously stir the pasta right?’ Your roommate Beth said, you wondered how long she had been watching you. Glancing at the clock you realised you must have been there for at least 40 minutes. 

‘Hm? Yeah of course I know, I just like to make sure it's done… which it is.’ You replied, as you looked down at the pasta that was now basically mush in the pan. Letting out a deep sigh you drained it and put it in a bowl.

‘You’re seriously going to eat that? Oh god no [y/n]...’ She said as she took the bowl straight from your hands throwing the whole thing in the bin.

‘Hey! I like that bowl?!’ You protested as she led you to the couch.

‘Lets order takeout, I can tell you have been thinking about him again… Still no chance he can come?’ Beth asked as she scrolled through her phone for both your favourite takeout. You didn’t reply as you got lost in your thoughts once again. You didn’t realise how obvious it was that you weren’t doing well and even though Beth knows you better than anyone, she wouldn’t mention anything unless she thought it was serious. 

‘He just said he couldn’t come… It's been almost 2 years since I have seen him physically, not on the other side of a screen. I miss him so much and it's starting to get harder to talk to him over the phone because everything hurts Beth… I love him so much.’ You practically word vomit as your eyes start to prick with tears.

The hurt evident as she pulled you in for a hug, letting your tears free as if they had been trapped in your ducts for years. Quickly dampening her shirt as she tried to do as much as she could to calm you down, it was no use though. ‘Do you think he just doesn’t want to see me? Maybe he’s found someone else?’ You questioned out loud as loud sobs continued to wrack your body.

‘Hey… Hey! I don’t know much about this guy, but from what you have told me he seems like a really respectable guy who loves you. Plus he’s your boyfriend so he has to be amazing! Have you thought about telling him how you feel?’ Beth asked getting up quickly to grab you some tissue. 

‘No, I haven’t! I don’t want him to think I don’t trust him, because it's not that at all…’ Before you could finish sniffling out everything you had to say your phone lit up. A bright picture of Daichi from the last time you saw him covering the screen, arm around your waist and a goofy smile adorning his face. Daichi who you loved so much, who it hurt so bad to think about for no reason other than he wasn’t here. He wasn’t by your side, he was 5,732 miles away.

As you got up to go answer the phone in your room, Beth gave you a sympathetic smile and a quick mouthing of ‘tell him’. A deep sigh passed your lips as you closed the door separating you from the kitchen, you knew she was right but something was holding you back. 

Cleaning yourself up slightly you finally answered the facetime call. ‘Hey baby…’ You said greeting him with a small smile. You knew he could tell you had been crying the minute he answered when his face dropped. ‘Hey baby-girl, you okay?’ He asked and that was all it took. You couldn’t keep it from him anymore, tears spilled once again from your eyes as you told him everything. 

Daichi’s heart broke as he watched you cry on the other side of the screen, he wanted to gather you in his arms and tell you it was going to be okay. That you would both get through this together, however he was lost for words. He couldn’t hold you, he couldn’t even get you your favourite food to cheer you up. He wasn’t there. As you both talked it out, he couldn’t stop apologising, every ‘i’m sorry’ that fell from his lips felt so natural yet should it be? 

Once you had calmed down and the facetime ended, Daichi couldn’t get the image of you crying out of his head. How had he not seen the person he loved and cherished so much in almost 2 years? 

The night was long and tiring for both of you, neither could sleep, plagued by thoughts of what’s next? What can either of you do to better the situation? You couldn’t dream of leaving him but what if you had no choice. It was 3:27am and you decided it was probably better to try and take your mind off the situation, falling asleep in front of the TV was better than not falling asleep at all. 

A couple days passed, although you couldn't stop thinking about Daichi you had gone back to normal with him. You thought it was strange but since that night Daichi seemed a lot more upbeat, wanted to call you more and was texting you constantly. You weren’t complaining though, you loved how he seemed to be making more of an effort since you had confessed to him. 

‘Wow you actually managed to cook the pasta properly this time?!’ Beth said, an amused expression on her face as she sat at the table across from you. This caused a laugh to erupt from you, she was right once again. ‘Yeah I guess things are improving huh?’ You replied as she laughed along. You had made pasta properly, not as if it was anything special but it tasted good you thought. 

As you both chatted and giggled away you were interrupted by a knock at the door. ‘Did you order food?’ You question as you got up to answer, wondering who it could be at such a weird time as your eyes scanned the clock, 10:36pm. Swinging open the door your whole body froze. 

His brown hair was tousled and out of place, his grey sweatpants hanging off him perfectly and although he looked tired and rushed to anyone else. You had never seen someone so handsome before, not being able to stop yourself jumping on him. Despite being exhausted, Daichi still managed to catch you in his arms. ‘You came…’ You whispered into his shoulder, taking in his scent. How you had missed his slightly woody smell, it smelt like home.

‘I couldn’t not come… It broke my heart to see you cry because of me, I dropped everything to come’ He smiled, as he rubbed your back comfortingly placing a kiss to the side of your head. Suddenly 5,732 miles didn’t feel long at all when you were in his arms, realising the exact reason you didn’t break it off with him originally, he was worth the ups and downs. Worth the long nights of falling asleep on facetime because of the time difference, worth every ‘i love you’ text and every ‘i miss you’ whispered over the phone.

As he let you down and grabbed his stuff to bring in you couldn’t help but admire him. Has he got bigger? His arms looked so much more refined and muscular, the 2 years training to be in the emergency services sector clearly having an effect on his body. Before you knew what you were doing you gripped his bicep softly, he really was stronger than before you thought. 

‘You okay there baby? Something interesting?’ He chuckled as he watched your face heat up, scooping you into his arms again. Not wanting to admit you really liked the change in his body you buried your face into his neck. ‘I just missed you a lot…’ You confessed, not like you hadn’t told him this before but being held in his arms made it so much more real. ‘I missed you too princess…’ He whispered, lifting your chin to look at him before pressing his lips to yours.

It felt like a lifetime had passed since the last time your lips had met, but it was just as amazing as the first time. All fears and worries suddenly dissipated, the only thing that mattered right now was him and how much time you had to make up for. 

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[agoldengalaxy]

To Be Trusted

read on Ao3

Bucky witnesses Sam having a nightmare. He does his best to help.

--

Warm water gently rolls down his knuckles as he scrubs at a plate, handing it to Sarah, who runs a towel over it. “Thanks for helpin’ with the dishes,” she says, and he smiles, turning off the faucet.

“Least I can do. You’re letting me sleep on your couch.”

“Bucky Barnes, you are always welcome here, and don’t you forget it.” Waving the towel at him accusingly, she smiles as he laughs, hanging it over the faucet to dry. “It’s nice to have an extra pair of hands around here. Especially tonight, since Sam decided to go to bed early like an old man.” She pauses. “No offense.”

Smirking, he shakes his head. “None taken.”

Sam had been tired out after the Flagsmashers excitement, and neither of them could blame him. But Sarah was his sister, so of course she was still going to tease him for it. “Speaking of which, it’s probably about time I went to bed, too. I’m supposed to be takin’ the kids to Gloria’s in the morning. You and Sam can do your training or whatever it is you Avengers do.”

Bucky smirks again, sticking his hands in his pockets. “We’ll try to make ourselves useful.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” She pats his shoulder with a wink, then heads toward the stairs. “Good night. Get some sleep.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he replies, watching her go with another smile. “Good night, Sarah.” She waves, and then he’s standing alone.

Giving the kitchen a once-over, he turns to turn off the lights, stretching his arms above his head. Even though it’s dark in the house, with the only source of light being the moon peeking through the window curtains, he doesn’t feel that sense of dread he used to when he lived in that apartment on his own. Things are so different here with the Wilsons, and he doesn’t think he would ever be able to express just how much that means to him.

He’s pretty tired from everything that happened, too, but he’s so used to powering though that it’s a strange feeling to actually want to sleep. But this house, and that small, worn couch he sleeps on, makes him feel safe. Like his memories can’t reach him here, because he’s busy making new ones.

And right now, the couch looks pretty inviting.

But first, he quietly heads down the hall. The boys’ shared room as well as Sarah’s is upstairs, but Sam’s is right across from the bathroom. And Bucky glances toward the closed door as he passes, wondering how Sam must be feeling. He’s finally accepted the mantle, but surely he must have a lot of pressure on his shoulders; yet, he’s been handling it all with grace. Bucky couldn’t be more proud to call him his friend...and partner.

He changes into a t-shirt and sweatpants and exits the bathroom, standing there in the hallway for a moment to let his eyes adjust to the dark. He’s about to continue walking when his ears pick up a quiet noise coming from behind Sam’s closed door. Bucky’s not one to eavesdrop (unless it’s for a mission), but his curiosity - and concern - is peaked. He steps up to the door, straining to hear something further. It sort of sounds like he’s talking to someone under his breath. “Sam?” he calls cautiously, waiting to hear a response. He doesn’t get one, and the noise continues.

His gaze slides down toward the doorknob, and he can’t help but hesitate. He has this feeling of dread building up in his chest, because he’s pretty sure he knows what’s going to be waiting for him on the other side of the door. He knows because he deals with it all the time. Not as frequently since he began staying with the Wilsons, but still there. And he doesn’t want to have to see Sam like that. But he knows if it were him, Sam would come to his aid, and so the choice is simple. Metal fingers curl around the doorknob quietly, and he pushes it open softly.

The room is almost completely dark, save for the moonlight that streams through his window. Sam is on his back, legs tangled up within the blankets, his face twisted up in pain. His head jerks back and forth, incoherent mumbles escaping through parted lips, body tense and rigid.

Bucky stands there for a moment, his heart aching. It’s exactly what he was expecting, but it still hurts to see Sam so distressed. He’ll be damned if he makes him suffer any longer than he already has. Stepping forward, he places his right hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Sam, hey. C’mon, pal.” It takes a moment, but the words work. Sam’s eyes fly open and he sits up straight, gasping loudly. Bucky moves to stand in front of him right away, keeping a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, it’s alright. You were dreaming. You’re safe.”

Sam’s bare chest rises and falls quickly with each shallow breath, glazed eyes barely blinking, staring at Bucky but not really seeing him. And then his gaze slides upward, and they make eye contact. “Bucky?” he breathes, voice broken, a sheen of sweat covering his face and chest.

Just his name on the other’s lips breaks Bucky’s heart. He wonders what it is, but thinking on it for just a moment makes the answer become clear. Sam is always put-together, incredibly strong and brave, a good head on his shoulders. Seeing him like this just hurts, and Bucky almost doesn’t know what to do. But he recovers as quickly as he can, offering a sad smile and moving to sit on the end of the bed.

“Yeah, it’s me,” he says, keeping his hand on Sam’s shoulder to ground him. “Take some deep breaths, Sam. You’re gonna be okay.”

His eyes fall closed again as he tries to steady his breathing, unconsciously leaning in to the touch. Bucky continues to coax him, knowing it’s what Sam would do for him. It’s nice to be looked after when these things happen; and he’s glad he can be there for Sam this time.

A few long minutes pass. It’s a slow, gradual process, but Sam’s breaths are soon evened out. He opens his eyes again, letting out a quiet breath. “Thanks, Buck,” he mumbles, and it’s genuine. Under normal circumstances, Sam would almost definitely make some smart comment, but now isn’t the time. Bucky nods, slowly letting go of the other’s shoulder.

“You’d do the same for me.” It’s certain, he has no doubt in his mind. Sam is calm now, but he doesn’t look much better than he had a few minutes ago. So Bucky shifts his weight a little. “You wanna talk about it?”

Sam exhales slowly, looking toward the window. “...It’s been a while since I thought about him.”

Bucky frowns, face betraying his confusion. “Who?”

“Riley. My wingman.” He releases another shaky breath. “We were partners when I was in the force. There was nothing I could do to save him. Was just up there to...watch it all happen.” His shoulders sag a little, and he lets out a humorless chuckle. “He’d hate to see me like this. Tell me to get my head outta my ass and keep moving forward.”

Sighing quietly, Bucky offers a small, sad smile. “Sounds like a pretty good guy.”

Sam eyes him for a moment. “You two would have gotten along. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.” Quiet falls between them. Bucky wracks his brain to try to find something else to say. Something to make Sam feel better.

All he can do is lift an arm. “You want a hug or something?”

Under normal circumstances, Sam would most likely laugh at him for even suggesting such a thing, probably assuming that the other was joking in the first place. But he doesn’t laugh, he just stares for a moment, and then he leans forward, resting his cheek on Bucky’s shoulder, much to the latter’s surprise. “If you say anythin’ about this, I’ll kill you,” Sam mumbles, but the threat is empty.

Swallowing, Bucky’s heart skips a beat and he smiles a bit, wrapping his arms around the other. “What, me? Tease you? Never.” If anything, he’s just grateful Sam hasn’t started crying. He has no idea what to do in those types of situations. But this? He can definitely do this. It’s been a long time since he’s embraced someone so fully, but he finds himself glad that it’s Sam who ended up being first after so much time had passed.

He’s warm, and Bucky passes the time by watching Sam’s back rise and fall, much more even than it had been before. He can see the curve of his spine, the muscles relaxed along them, outlined thanks to the pale moonlight. And what a strange situation Bucky is in, he thinks, holding the man who once tried to kill him so gently, hoping that the nightmares that plague him will leave.

Bucky can deal with his own dreams. He doesn’t think he can take knowing that Sam also has to suffer.

It’s been quiet for awhile, so Bucky glances down. “Sam? Maybe you should try to get some more rest. It’s gettin’ late.” There’s no response. He shifts a little, trying to get a look at his face, brows knit together. “Sam?”

He can’t see it too clearly, but he knows by the silence that his friend has now fallen asleep on his shoulder. Somehow. Heat creeps up Bucky’s neck and toward his cheeks and ears, grateful for both the darkness and the fact that Sam can’t see it. He’s not sure why he feels so...warm. Sam trusted him enough, felt safe enough against Bucky that he was able to forget his terrible memory and rest again. And Bucky...doesn’t remember what that was like. To be trusted so fully when for so long, he couldn’t even trust himself.

Slowly, he releases his embrace, taking Sam’s shoulders gently. Maneuvering carefully, supporting his head, he pushes him back to lay against the pillows. Much to Bucky’s surprise, Sam doesn’t stir. His face is a big contrast to what Bucky had found earlier; his jaw is slack, his brows are relaxed, and he looks at peace. Bucky can’t help but stare for a few moments. Under the pale moon, Sam has finally found restful sleep, thanks to Bucky. And Bucky looks on with a fond smile.

After what seems like hours, he moves to pull the blankets over Sam’s chest, who mumbles something under his breath before falling silent again. “Just needed a hug, huh, pal?” he whispers, smiling a little to himself in the way he’d never be caught dead doing if Sam could see him. “You big softie.” Of course, he knows he’s a hypocrite, but he doesn’t really mind much.

Finally, he rises from the edge of the bed, walking toward the door. He knows Sam would rather die than talk about what happened come morning, but Bucky’s okay with that. He doesn’t mind keeping it a secret for him. Glancing over his shoulder once more, he smiles again. “Good night, Sam.”

And with that, he leaves the room quietly, heading to the couch, and falls into a dreamless sleep.

When he wakes in the morning, the blanket is thrown over him and a cup of coffee is already poured on the table. A single sticky note reads, “Thanks.” And Bucky grins, getting up to grab the cup and head out the door toward the boat, where he knows Sam will be waiting for him.

[bonjour-rainycity]

Double Heart | Chapter Twelve ~ Cosima

|previous part|

Pairing: Haldir x OFC

Rating: PG-13

Word count: 3433

Warnings: None

**Read on Ao3 under the user “bonjour_rainycity if you prefer!**

A/n Sorry for the delay! Thanks for your patience and for reading :) Also, I’m so glad you liked the cuteness of the last chapter <3

I wake to an insistent pounding on my door.

I grumble against the noise and the sunlight, pulling the thick duvet over my head.

“Cosima,” a voice sings from behind the wood. “Rise and shine, it is well past lunchtime.”

I crack open an eye. The sun shimmers aggressively, forcing me into a state of awareness. Too early. But Rumil’s wake-up calls and knocking are insistent, so I haul myself out of bed and dress quickly, running a washcloth over my face and a brush over my teeth. When I’m decent, I swing open the door to fix Rumil with what I hope is a withering glare.

He grins brightly. “You look tired.”

“Wow, thank you,” I deadpan, opening the door wider to allow him in. He jaunts to the chaise lounge and reclines on the pillows, evidently in the mood to borrow the luxury of my guest room.

I offer him a glass of lemon water and pour one for myself, then sit on the couch opposite him.

He gives me a sly look. “You know, Haldir came into our room quite early this morning.”

I freeze mid-sip.

Rumil nods gleefully. “Woke me up—quite rude, if you ask me. Though I do have to wonder, what kept him out so late? Surely he was exhausted from his long day at the borders.”

I take a deep breath, trying to relax the tension that has shot its way into my shoulders. Rumil just likes to tease. You didn’t do anything wrong or scandalous — not even anything of interest.

He continues. “And then I come to visit my friend out of the goodness of my heart and find her sound asleep at two in the afternoon. She greets me at the door with such dark circles under her eyes — did she sleep at all? What was so interesting that kept both my brother and my good friend awake into the early hours of the morning?”

I roll my eyes, trying to seem nonchalant about it. After all, there’s no reason to feel cornered like Rumil is so obviously trying to achieve. “I couldn’t sleep. I was on my way to the gardens when I ran into Haldir and he ended up coming with me.”

“To the gardens?”

“Yes.”

“Late at night?”

“Yes.”

“Alone?”

“Yes, Rumil,” I huff.

He looks positively delighted. “And what did you do to pass all that time in the gardens late at night by yourselves?”

I squirm under his gaze then force myself to stop. It looks suspicious. “We talked a little. And then stargazed. At some point I fell asleep, he woke me up and walked me back to my room. The end.”

“The end,” Rumil echoes dubiously.

“Yes,” I insist, just about done with this conversation. It’s ridiculous — we did nothing to warrant this questioning. “If you don’t believe me, you can ask your brother.”

“I did.” My eyes blow wide in disbelief. Somehow, Rumil looks even more smug than he did a second ago. “He quite forcefully told me to leave him and you alone. Such a strong reaction over a little thing, wouldn’t you agree?”

I fight the urge to groan loudly and instead take a sip of my water. I cross one leg over the other. “Is there something you would like to say or are you just here to interrogate me?”

He shrugs, looking completely unapologetic. “No, I think I am done for now. I’ll let you know if that changes, though.”

“Please do,” I snark.

He stands, placing his glass on the table. “I did actually come here for a larger purpose. Orophin and Lavandil went riding and missed lunch, so we’re having an impromptu picnic in one of the towers. It has some lovely views. Would you join us?”

The emptiness in my stomach begs me to agree, but the word ‘tower’ gives me pause. Rumil guesses the direction of my thoughts and huffs. “The tower is encased in stone, it is perfectly safe. You would have to jump onto the barrier and lean over to be in danger of falling off.”

I consider his words. That doesn’t sound too bad, and I am hungry. “Alright,” I agree. “But I’m inviting Alex.”

Rumil makes a noise of general acceptance and gives me directions to the tower. Before leaving, he snatches one of the thicker quilts from a storage basket. “Cost of attendance is the blanket we use to sit on. See you there!” With a cheeky wink, he disappears, leaving me feeling whiplash from the quick turns in our conversation.

Before leaving to find Alex, I pull a few pillows from the seating area. They’ll make for some extra cushion on the hard stone. And, since Rumil annoyed me, he will not be getting one.

Ha.

At my knock, Alex throws his door open, greeting me with a wide smile. “Hello, Cosima.”

Well, that’s not what I was expecting. I blink and step into his room, careful not to tread on one of the many books and scrolls scattered around the floor. “Uh, you’re more chipper than I thought you would be after yesterday. How are you doing?”

He shrugs, throwing his hands into his pockets. “I mean, it didn’t feel great to find out that Elrond can’t help us, but I am holding out hope for Lady Galadriel. In the meantime, though, I’ve borrowed some materials from the library to see if there’s anything I can learn to help in getting us home. Most of them are in that Elvish language—Sindarin—so I’m having to learn the basics of the language first. Baranor offered to help — we’re meeting this evening after he’s done with his shift in the healing wards. Want to read the English ones with me and then come along? I’m sure he’d be fine with teaching you, too.”

“Um…” I trail off, feeling guilty. I’m attending a picnic with my friends while Alex is pouring over resources and learning the language of this land — he’s doing something helpful to try and get us home.

But if I’m being honest, I don’t want to do research right now. It’s not like there’s likely to be anything we could do, anyway. The best option is to just wait for Lothlórien and see what Lady Galadriel says. I clutch the bulky cushions tighter in my arms. “Can I take a rain check? A few of us are going to the tower to have a late lunch. That’s actually why I came here. Want to come?”

Alex looks at me like I’ve grown a second head. “You don’t want to see if there’s something in these books to help us?”

I shift my weight uneasily. “Not now…I haven’t eaten yet, and I already said I would go to the picnic. And I mean, come on, how likely is it that there’s something in those books Elrond isn’t aware of? It’s his library.”

“It has forty-two thousand volumes.”

“He’s lived a long time,” I defend weakly.

Alex’s eyes tighten into a glare.

“Look,” I try, “I’m gonna go eat, but what if I joined you and Baranor this evening? It’s smart to learn the language. And then maybe later I can help you look through these books.”

He sighs and shrugs his shoulders, looking frustrated but resigned. “Yeah, that’s fine. We’re meeting at five-thirty on the second floor of the library.”

“Okay,” I exhale, relived to have avoided a larger argument “I’ll be there. You sure you don’t want to come eat?”

He shakes his head, crouching to the ground to pick up a particularly withered scroll. “No, I ate in the dining hall. See you tonight.”

“See you,” I mumble, backing out of the room. I feel bad for not helping him, but hopefully joining him and Baranor tonight will smooth things over.

Following Rumil’s directions are relatively easy and, before I know it, I’m navigating the hallways to one of the towers built into Elrond’s home.

“Cosima!”

I stop in my tracks and turn at Haldir’s call. He jogs to catch up to me, having just entered the long hallway, and greets me with a pleasant smile. As always, he looks perfectly rested and put together — not a strand of hair out of place. Today he wears a tunic of deep grey, his clear blue eyes standing out in stark contrast.  

“Hi!” I wait for him to fall into step beside me. Unbidden, Rumil’s gleeful teasing enters my mind, and I feel my face go hot. What? I clear my throat. “Are you going up, too?”

“Yes, it’s—here,” he pulls the four bulky pillows from my grasp into his. My arms drop limply at my sides, suddenly relieved from their task. To give them something to do, I tug on the sides of my dress, trying to smooth the wrinkles that have somehow already appeared.

Haldir continues. “Rumil insisted it would be fun and it’s such a nice day I figured, why not?”

We turn a corner and begin our ascent up a tall spiral staircase. I remember a snippet of our conversation from last night. “Has Glorfindel come around?”

The edge of Haldir’s mouth pulls into a frown. “No. I talked with Elrond anyway and he’s agreed to my plan. It has set Glorfindel and myself at odds though, since I went over his head.”

I purse my lips. Though Haldir doesn’t say it, he’s clearly bothered by this outcome — it’s obvious he hoped to resolve things peacefully with Glorfindel and gain Elrond’s support. I hurry to try and make him feel better. “You did the right thing. So what if you went over his head? If it keeps people safe, I doubt it really matters how the plan came to be. And as commander, isn’t it his job to recognize advantageous strategies regardless of where they come from? I wouldn’t worry too much about being at odds with Glorfindel — the two of you will reconcile soon enough. And in the meantime, it’s good that Elrond agreed with you. Now Imladris has more time to better prepare.”

Haldir pauses on the step above me, turning with his head tilted slightly to the side.

I freeze. “What?” Did I intrude? Did I offend him somehow?

“No, it’s—I…” He sighs, offering me a soft smile. “Thank you.”

Oh, good. I breathe out in relief, returning his smile. We resume our climb.

“Elrond gave the order to call up the entire force and rotate the soldiers — they should all be switched in about a week. He’s asked me to oversee their training, to teach the strategies I use with my own guard in Lothlórien.”

I snort. “You’re going to work while you’re on vacation? That’s the most you thing I’ve ever heard.”

He rolls his eyes, but the smile never leaves his face. “It’s important and something I enjoy, so I am happy to help. I haven’t forgotten my offer to you, though.”

I furrow my eyebrows. Huh?

“Do you still want to learn how to defend yourself?”

“Oh! Yeah, definitely, if you’ve got the time.”

He steps onto the landing, moving forward to make room for me. “Of course I’ve got the time.”

I step up next to him—

And immediately return to the staircase.

Haldir alternates between looking at me in confusion and scanning his eyes over our surroundings, wondering what would make me practically jump away from the landing.

He doesn’t have to wonder long.

“You said it was encased in stone,” I shout accusingly over Rumil’s wailing laughter.

“Did I say encased? I meant made of. Whoops, my mistake.”

“Rumil,” Haldir grumbles in annoyance, but that only seems to make his brother laugh harder.

The tower is not, as Rumil promised, encased in stone, but rather a circular platform with only a roof and four stone pillars to protect from falling. There is no guard wall or even a thin railing. And we are stories above the ground.

“Cosima, it’s alright,” Lavandil coos, though her encouraging words are damaged by her giggles. “Elves have wonderful balance, no one is going to let you fall. And look—we are set up right in the middle.”

“If it helps, I can shove Rumil off the tower to demonstrate elven reflexes,” Orophin offers through a chuckle.

This does make me feel slightly better, and I crack a small smile. On the step above me, Haldir waits patiently. Maybe I’m just being silly. I take a deep breath and step up to join Haldir on the landing.

And nearly sway in fear.

To my right and left are open sky — and too many feet below, the hard, deadly ground.

I suck in a sharp breath.

Rumil waves in joyful greeting. “Good to see you both. Now do sit down, Cosima, I worry you will faint and tumble over the edge.”

His words resonate with a very real fear and I scurry forward and practically throw myself onto the blanket. Haldir follows closely behind, offering a cushion to myself and Lavandil before using another to hit his youngest brother over the head. Even in my nervous state, I can’t help but join Orophin and Lavandil in their shocked laughter.

“Didn’t our parents teach you not to lie,” Haldir drawls, dropping the cushion to my left and sitting upon it. He tosses the other to Orophin, raising an eyebrow at Rumil as if asking him to challenge his choice.

Rumil grins, completely unaffected. “Then I apologize, dear Cosima, but your face was hilarious. And don’t you know we all like you too much to let you die?”

I huff, rolling my eyes and feeling better as long as I focus on the faces of my friends rather than the nearness of the edge. “Thanks.”

Lavandil wisely changes the subject. “No Alex?”

I shake my head. “He’s doing some research today. I’m supposed to meet him in the library at five-thirty — Baranor’s going to teach us Sindarin.”

A chorus of approval runs through the group.

“That’s a useful skill,” Rumil nods, taking a sip of what looks like orange juice.

“I’d be happy to practice conversation with you once you learn the basics,” Lavandil offers, and I accept readily. From the little I’ve spoken with her, I like Lavandil, and it would be nice to spend more time with her.

Tired of being the focus, I turn the conversation on my friends. I gesture between Lavandil and Orophin. “How did you two meet?”

Lavandil launches into an animated account of her relationship with Orophin from start to where they are now. Apparently, they met eight years prior when Haldir and Orophin were part of a company escorting Lady Galadriel to Imladris. Orophin was taken with her immediately, but it took Lavandil a little longer to come around.

“I always swore I would marry an architect—anyone but a solder,” she laments with comical exaggeration. “But eventually he persuaded me to give him a chance, and I haven’t looked back since.”

Orophin takes her hand in his and squeezes, staring at her like she’s the center of his world.

I don’t want to pry, but I do wonder how elven relationships differ from human ones. Just the time they’ve been courting—eight years—is much longer than I think is the standard for humans. I am lacking in memory, but surely with how short human lifespans are, they get married quicker? I make a note to ask Lavandil or Rumil about this later. Though, with all Rumil’s teasing of late, Lavandil is probably the safer option.

After I learn how Lavandil and Orophin got together, I have a lot of other questions about the lives these friends of mine lived before I knew them. As afternoon passes into evening, I discover that Rumil—unsurprisingly—has been the instigator of no less than four human bar fights, Lavandil once snuck from her childhood home to try and explore the mountains (and was promptly sent back to a furious mother), Orophin is apparently the life of the party after a bottle of Elvish wine, and, in his first few years of the guard, Haldir constantly challenged his superiors, to the point where they would send him off on solo trips just to be rid of the relentless suggestions. Before I know it, the first stretches of sunset streak through the sky and it’s nearing the time I set to meet Alex and Baranor.

I stand, sighing with no small amount of regret. I wish I could stay here with them all night. “I’ll see you tomorrow! I’ve got to get to the library for lessons.”

Rumil waves goodbye. “I’ll drop the blanket and cushions in your room. You know, as penance for tricking you.”

I roll my eyes, concentrating on his face rather than the open sky all too close to my feet. “That doesn’t even begin to cover it, but thank you.”

“Do you know the way?” Lavandil looks up at me with mild concern. I assure her that I’ve visited the library before and am mostly confident in my ability to not get lost.

Haldir wraps an apple and some bread in cloth and passes me the bundle. In response to my raised eyebrow, he quirks a knowing smile. “Baranor is likely to keep you well past dinner. He loves his lectures.”

I chuckle, agreeing that Baranor probably will, and thank my friend. After a final round of goodbyes, I hurry as quickly and carefully as I can to the security of the stairwell and head in the direction of the library.

{***}

Sindarin is complicated. Baranor seems to have an endless reserve of patience — how? I have no clue.

Alex struggles just as much as I do, but it is clear that he is more dedicated than I and pushes to keep his attention into the late hours of the night. I’m grateful Haldir had the forethought to send me with food, as are Alex and Baranor, who share the dinner. By the time ten o’clock rolls around, I’m fighting back yawns. I think I’ve got the alphabet down, though that isn’t even technically Sindarin — it’s the writing system called Tengwar — so I don’t even have any conversational phrases to try with Lavandil.

At midnight, Baranor finally calls it, acknowledging that he will need some sleep if he is to put in a full day tomorrow of researching with Elrond and doing a shift in the healing wards. But he graciously commits to teaching us three evenings a week after dinner and maintains that, after practice and time, we will improve.

We say our goodbyes and I practically stumble out of the library. I can think of nothing more than my plush duvet and cool mattress. Alex, on the other hand, somehow almost vibrates with energy. He seems rejuvenated, renewed, and for the first time, I recognize him as the same man in my memories — no longer is he weighed down by malnutrition, injury, exhaustion, and defeat. But it’s more than that. He’s no longer angry — hope lights up his eyes. He smiles broadly and insists on walking me to my room.

“Worried you’re gonna fall over, Cosi,” he reasons, sending me a wink. Even in my tired state, I have to blanch. It’s like being with a whole new person. But at the same time, I know this person. I like this Alex. At the very least, I know what to expect from him — he’s the friend I remember.

Though I do worry…what will happen to him if this search for answers is a dead end? What if we can’t get home?

I don’t want to think about how he would feel, then.

I don’t want to think about how I would feel, then.

We climb the stairs and reach my door, pausing outside it momentarily. I turn to my friend, giving him a sleepy smile. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Me too,” he agrees, leaning against the doorframe. “I just needed something to do. Now I don’t feel so helpless. And you’re okay? After yesterday’s setback?”

I sigh against the drowsiness. “Yeah, yeah I’m good. Don’t you worry about me.”

He nudges my shoe with his. “Good. Alright, I’ll leave you alone. Sleep tight, Cosi.”

I smile, waving as he walks down the hallway. “Night, Alex.”

Entering my room, I see that Rumil kept to his word and left the folded blanket on my couch with the four pillows stacked neatly on top. Still doesn’t atone for all his foolishness today. Crawling into my bed, I instantly fall asleep.

A/n Thanks for reading! Let me know if you would like a tag :) Comments, likes, and reblogs make my day! 

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