#hey quick question is there an actual way to end these bullet point summary idea things

[sparrowofsong]

For whatever reason, I got super super into the Doki Doki Literature Club AU I thought up last night, so I decided to expand on it. Will I do anything else with it? That’s for the gods to know and me to find out.

Technically inspired by @nachosforfree, who commented “doki doki” when someone mentioned a Sanders Sides dating sim AU.

(TW for blood, suicide, self harm, abuse, manipulation, starvation -- basically just all of the warnings for DDLC.)

Patton is Monika, and the other sides don’t have specific assigned characters. Patton controls them while the game is played, switching them around each time in hopes that, eventually, he’ll find the perfect combination of roles and personalities so that the player will hate them and love him.

The sides are conscious the entire time they're puppeted, even for the off-screen events or “death”, and feel what the characters feel. Whoever acts as Yuri has to watch as he cuts himself, as he stabs himself, as he grows more possessive and insane. Whoever acts as Sayori has to watch himself tie the noose, hang himself, and desperately claw at the rope as he slowly asphyxiates. Whoever acts as Natsuki has to watch himself be abused and starved by his dad, has to watch his neck get snapped, has to watch himself walk into the classroom where he knows he’ll see his friend dead. They have to watch and feel all the random chance body horror.

The only control Patton intentionally grants them (as far as they know) is over the personality, and vaguely the appearance, of the character they play as. The delivery of the lines and actions, the eye color or an accessory (out of specific options), etc.

Unbeknownst to them, though, Patton also purposefully lightens his control during specific parts of the game, just enough to allow some vague dialogue changes, to cover their tracks. Because if those changes happen around the same places, people think that’s just a random chance sort of thing like the other intentional glitches.

Of course, even he can’t consistently control everything at once. He’s powerful, but not omnipotent. Some things can slip through even outside of his intentional gaps. But usually, he manages to catch them in time to act like he does with the programmed glitches. If the attempted rebel does enough to potentially raise suspicion (or if he just feels shitty after being rejected once again) he makes sure they regret it. And more often than not, Patton’s precautions help players disregard the out of place “glitches”.

Even after they hit every single combination, Patton still keeps trying. Again, and again, and again. They know the entire game by heart; every line of dialogue, every poem, every choice-based mini plot line, every randomly generated event. They could act it out perfectly even without being puppeted.

Eventually, after enough repeats and failures and punishments, the other sides just,, give up. They don't bother with personality, they don't bother with trying to speak to the player outside of the script. It gets to the point where Patton has to start controlling those too to avoid players picking up on it. That's how they discover that he was allowing the changes, but at that point, they just don't care.

Enter Thomas: the latest DDLC player. He plays the game blind, gets scared, doesn’t understand every single aspect, yada yada yada. A typical playthrough. Until Yuri’s death.

After Yuri kills himself, Thomas doesn't know how to speed up the scene, trying to click through each individual line. He soon gets discouraged and bored. He spends the next couple days clicking through some more lines on and off, always forgetting/not caring to exit the game in between.

The effects of the game’s events are put on hold when the game is closed, and removed entirely once the character is "deleted”. Otherwise, the sides are continuously existing as the characters in their current state. Which means Remus, this current Yuri, has been living with the pain of three stab wounds for this whole time.

At some point during Thomas mindlessly clicking through the nonsense, one of the lines is actually something legible, and he almost misses it.

“Please... please skip forward. It... hurts.”

And it seems just a little odd? But, y’know, maybe the game just eventually auto-reminds people so they didn’t have to click through everything if they forgot about the skip option.

He gets to the day of the festival, and before Natsuki comes in with his line, Yuri's dialogue box pops back up with "Please keep playing. Just... a few more minutes. Please."

That's a little more weird. But so's the whole game, right?

Natsuki comes in, and says his usual lines. But right before the screaming and vomiting as the script dictates, he pauses, and Thomas swears he sees an expression of pity cross his face. The dialogue box shows a very tiny line reading "Please keep playing. Don't let him sit there anymore." 

It only lasts for a moment before immediately switching to the scripted terror. The transition is so awkward that it doesn't really sit well with Thomas. But it's probably like that to seem more meta. Or it's just bad writing. Right?

Monika's smile when he arrives seems slightly different than before. Almost forced. Thomas can't tell if it was like that before or not, so he takes a screenshot to compare later. He was considering googling it then and there, but after the pleas to hurry, he kinda felt like it'd be rude. Even if it was just a game. 

When Monika "deletes" Natsuki and Yuri, he hears a whispered "Thank you" and freaks out. Literally the only other audible human sounds in the game are breathing, a "baa", and the credits song, and there's a chance he didn't even hear the first two, and he wouldn't have heard the third yet. But,,, It’s a meta horror game. So it's supposed to freak him out. That's the whole point. Right?

(They're able to do all this because after so long of completely giving up, Patton realized he didn't need to waste so much energy on keeping them in line, so he gradually began using less and less. At this point, he's hardly using any more than necessary to have them play the part, and is a little rusty. They took advantage of it this one time out of desperation, and now that they've already started, they're doing as much as they can to get Thomas to listen before Patton takes them down again.)

Monika looks pissed before quickly forcing another smile and continuing his lines. The game goes the same way, Thomas eventually figures out to delete Monika, and Sayori appears to gain sentience. But instead of saying "I wanted to thank you for getting rid of Monika", the dialogue box shows "I wanted to thank you for freeing Yuri", and "Yuri" glitches into "Remus" on and off. 

When Thomas clicks, instead of going to the next line, the previous one glitches into "I wanted to thank you for getting rid of Monika" like it was supposed to be. The rest of the dialogue proceeds normally until Monika returns. 

Sayori's line glitches back and forth from "W-What's happening...?" to "Don't trust him!"

Rather than saying "I won't let you hurt him", Monika says "I won't let you lie to him." 

And instead of "Who..." "I-It hurts...", Sayori's final dialogue is "NO!"

The game continues and ends as programmed. Thomas just kinda goes "...What the fwuh?" before immediately looking up details about the game to see if this is all normal.

Surprise surprise: It isn't. No matter how long he researches, and despite all of Patton's precautions, the conclusion is the same: everything after Yuri's death is completely unique to his playthrough. No one else had those dialogue changes. Monika's smile in the screenshot is, in fact, different from his earlier smiles. There are not supposed to be any audible words besides the ending song. And there is no mention of a "Remus" anywhere.

There is definitely something up here. After he gives up searching for answers, he resolves to play again soon, and tries to commit to memory what's supposed to happen in the meantime.

Up until this point, their common area was a house a good bit away from the setting the events of the game took place in. They had a fair radius around the house to walk around, entertain themselves, etc., and were about as free as they could get while in that area. But, see, uh, Patton’s sorta really fucking pissed now.

Patton restricts the boundaries to just the house for everyone, and locks Logan, Remus, and Deceit (Natsuki, Yuri, and Sayori, respectively) into separate rooms, to make sure they can’t plan something else. He promises that they'll be playing the exact same roles every single time the game gets played, especially to decrease more suspicious changes if Thomas plays again, until he decides otherwise.

He hopes that Thomas will simply uninstall the game so that they'll move onto another player (because that's how I've decided it works don't question the logic). Unfortunately, he does not, and he decides to play again. 

Upon learning this, the three rebels decide that if they're fucked anyway, they may as well take this opportunity to give everything they've got in hopes that they can get Thomas to help them.

Which means Patton has to find some way to balance keeping them under his complete control, keeping Roman and Virgil from finding some way to escape the boundary and help out, and figuring out what to do with the script to undo the suspicion the three caused.

Roll for initiative!

[sleeping-on-cracking-ice]

Hello, my request is for Niragi ✨ Y/N was popular in high school and always protect him when he was bully. When they saw each other in Bordeland, she saw how much he changed and keep her distance from him (which he hates), and she have an attitude that make one of the militants wants to attack her but Niragi protect her like she did with him bc he would never admit her but she's his only weakness

Yessss I’ve actually been wanting to write something for Niragi that sounds very similar so I’m glad you requested this! Thanks so much! 💕

You’re Everything You Once Hated | Suguru Niragi

PART 1 | PART 2

{Alice In Borderland Masterlist}

Character(s): Niragi (ft. The guys that bullied Niragi, Ann, Hatter, OC’s)

Summary: You and Niragi were best friends in high school. When you arrive in the Borderlands, you notice he’s not the person he used to be, causing you to avoid him. But unfortunately, he’s not happy about it.

Warnings: swearing, bullying, smoking, drinking, violence, threatening, bullet wounds, implications of sexual assault

Word Count: 7.1k

*reader is female

Niragi gif credit

4 Years Earlier…

The young boy grunted out in pain, having been hit with another rock right between his eyes. This one managed to crack his glasses, making his vision go all distorted.

His classmates around him roared with laughter. His heart filled with both anger and sorrow, wanting nothing more than to dissolve into the wind and out of his current situation.

“Aww, little Niragi has become quiet. Where’s those sarcastic remarks from earlier, they seemed to have left you,” his attacker mocked, adding a mean tone to his voice.

Just the usual. ‘Maybe they might end their target practice with me earlier today,’ he hoped.

He had grown used to it. He now expected to be dragged under the bridge each day on his way home from high school, being pushed around and roughed up. It’s not like he could’ve defended himself anyway. It was six guys against one, he never had a chance.

A short jab to the back of his neck broke him out of his thoughts. He groaned and doubled over, feeling as he was going to throw up. “Come on Niragi, fight back! It’s no fun when you just stand there,” the blonde student complained, striding over to the weakened boy. He gave him a quick kick to his side, making him fall on his hip harshly.

“Fuck off,” Niragi groaned under his breath, half hoping his tormentor didn’t hear it. But unfortunately, the small remark reached his ears.

“What was that? Did you just try to defend yourself? You’re going to have to use a lot more than just a few words you fucking loner,” the boy poked, giving Niragi another harsh kick to his stomach, making him become winded and choke on air.

He laid there taking their harsh words and hearing their mocking laughter ring in his ears. What did he ever do to deserve that?

“Hey Haru!”

The blonde turned his attention from his target to the direction of the voice that called his name. There you stood, by yourself with no one else. You obviously didn’t think the situation through before throwing yourself into it. You remained near the stairs that led down to below the bridge, holding something behind your back, but Haru seemed to not notice it.

Your heart skipped a beat when the group of high school boys all locked eyes with you, confused about what you were doing interrupting them.

“The fuck do you want Y/N?” the blonde, Haru, asked you in an annoyed tone.

You gulped before answering him, trying to sound as threatening as you could without your voice cracking. “Let him go! He’s done nothing to you, why are you giving him a hard time?” you spat at him, taking a few brave steps closer to the scene in front of you.

Niragi slightly lifted himself off the ground to look over at you. He recognized you from his social studies class. You both sat together at the back, and he always thought you were too nice for your own good.

Niragi sat up and shook his head, trying to warn you to stop what you were doing. He didn’t want to drag you into his own problems. He would’ve felt awful if you happened to get hurt while trying to help him.

Haru rolled his eyes and groaned at you. “Why are you getting involved? This is none of your business,” he retorted, walking closer to you with the baseball bat in hand. You watched with fearful eyes as he swung the bat around, obviously to threaten you.

Your heart quickened and you felt it pound against your ribcage dramatically. As Haru got closer and closer, you stood your ground bravely, still holding your hand behind your back to hide your weapon from him. You weren’t stupid enough to get yourself involved without having some kind of way to defend yourself.

“Well? Are you going to answer me or just stand and shake like the pathetic girl you are?” Haru tormented, a confident smirk growing across his face.

His comment made your blood boil. “Do you have a saviour complex or something? Why did you think you could help this son of a bitch?” he pressed, gesturing towards Niragi who was slowly rising to his feet with a worried expression on his face.

That was it. He was getting far too close to you for your own liking, so you decided that comment was the final straw. You rushed towards him and pulled out the large can of pepper spray from behind your back, aiming directly at his smug face.

He cried out in pain the moment the spray hit his eyes, dropping the baseball bat and covering his face with his hands. He tried desperately to rub the stinging liquid out of his eye with his school blazer sleeves, but it wasn’t worth the effort as it only made it worse.

You moved quickly and picked up the bat that he dropped, running past him towards the other boys that were still gathered around Niragi. They all held shocked expressions on their faces.

“You want some too?” you bluntly asked, thrusting the pepper spray towards them. They all flinched and stumbled to get away. You smiled, feeling empowered.

Haru and the others ran, thinking that beating up Niragi wasn’t worth being blinded for.

You turned towards the bloodied boy standing against the wall looking at you in shock. You glanced at him, giving him a friendly smile. He returned it.

After that, you two became inseparable for the rest of your high school days, spending every waking moment together. With your tough attitude and Niragi’s shy demeanour, you were a strange friendship to have been made. You thought you would always stay together, until one day Niragi went missing.

You never guessed where he may have ended up, until you were sent there yourself a few years later.

*************

You breathed in a huge gulp of oxygen as the black bag was harshly pulled off your head. You tried to wiggle your hands to shield your eyes from the blinding sunlight seeping through the windows but struggled as you saw that your hands were tied to the armrests on either side of you. You groaned in frustration.

As the curtains closed so you could see probably, you saw a young woman with short black hair dressed in blue shorts and a white button up that was tied at the waist. “Sorry,” she began. “I forgot to close that before removing the bag.”

You looked around at your surroundings. You noticed that there were several more people in the room. The room was large, stretching down further until it came to a stop at the end where a large wall stood, conveying a huge spray painting across it that consisted of every card from a deck of cards. Some were crossed out, while a few number cards and all face cards remained untouched.

You whipped your head around, feeling restless from the number of eyes staring at you. You don’t remember how you got into this situation. All you remember is walking to a large light in the distance from your position on a bridge, being curious as to how it seemed to be the only building with electricity. Before you knew it, someone had grabbed you by the shoulders and shoved something over your head, making your vision go black and suddenly passing out.

You moaned in pain as you felt the back of your head throbbed, probably from when they punched you to knock you out.

“What’s going on?” you asked, struggling in your restraints more, trying to break free. An older man with glasses scolded you. “Stay still, Hatter will be here soon.”

Just as he promised, two large doors on your left burst open, revealing a man with a long decorative robe and dark glasses on. He had two other men beside him, both holding revolver guns.

“Ah! A newcomer!” he exclaimed excitedly, taking a big sip from his drink.

You froze, watching as he strides into the room further, making himself comfortable on a table in the centre of the room.

“A few of my militants tell me they found you sneaking around nearby The Beach,” he accused, pointing his finger at you.

You stared at him; confusion written all over your face. Militants? The Beach? What was he talking about?

After you didn’t answer him for a moment, he let out a big sigh and jumped off the table onto his feet, beginning to talk himself.

He explained the current situation to you. About how the dynamic at The Beach worked, and that considering the number of high-level cards you had on your person, you seemed to be the perfect candidate to add to the ranks of everyone there.

“And remember, death to the traitors,” he said, spite filling his tone. He had listed off the three main rules to you, each one adding more dread for you.

“Okay, all good. But I just want to say. If you want people to help you collect cards, kidnapping them isn’t the best idea. If it hasn’t hit you yet, that would make people want to help you less,” you smartly said, trying to stop your lips pulling up into a smirk.

All the heads in the room turned to Hatter. No one has ever questioned his motives to his face before, especially a newcomer.

Except, he didn’t get angry like everyone expected. Instead, he chuckled and held his drink out towards you. “Cheers to that, I guess. Have fun!”

************

The Beach was a lot more crowded than you expected. Your eyes almost popped out of your head when you walked down to the bottom floor to the pool. People were everywhere; dancing, swimming, drinking, talking, smoking. It honestly couldn’t have been more chaotic than it already was.

You spent most of the remainder of the day becoming familiar with the layout of the hotel. You found the room that you had been assigned to. You managed to score a room that was a little above average. Hatter decided to give you the benefit of the doubt and gift you a higher number due to your high number cards. He thought it was only fair.

You were sitting at a table nearby the bar. The sun had gone down but the party continued on through the chilly night air. You shivered, not being used to being dressed in a bathing suit twenty-four seven. You were annoyed that you weren’t even allowed to wear some sweatpants to bring you some kind of warmth. You guessed you would just have to grow used to feeling the cold on your skin.

The warm beverage slipped down your throat, bringing you at least a little bit of comfort. You had made yourself a coffee inside, not in the mood for alcohol just yet. You honestly didn’t like drinking without having anyone you trusted around you, just in case something was to happen.

You looked around the area, taking in everyone’s faces to see if anyone appeared friendly enough to be nice to you. You needed to make some allies before the next game, otherwise you would be the first they would sacrifice.

As you scanned the crowd, your gaze landed on a particular male, who was sitting in a more done up booth nearby the pool. He was wearing a black and white checkered shirt with black skinny jeans. He had several piercings in his face, making him seem more threatening.

You squinted your eyes. Why did he look so familiar? You swore you’ve seen him before.

You kept your gaze locked on him, watching as he communicated with the people sitting near him. You noticed that a huge sniper rifle was tucked behind him. He must have been a high-ranking militant, being able to carry a weapon like that around.

He suddenly flung his head back and let out a roar of laughter at something the guy next to him had said. You froze in your spot.

You could recognize that laugh anywhere. That loud, obnoxious laugh that used to come from your old friend Niragi from high school. Your best friend that randomly disappeared.

You blinked a few times before looking back at him. His facial features did match and the way he smiled seemed way too familiar to not be him.

How could he be here? Is this where he disappeared to a couple of years ago?

Your heart filled with joy and a wide grinned grew on your face. That had to be Niragi! Who else would it be?

You quickly stood to your feet, almost tripping on your chair in the process and began making your way towards his position.

Although, as you did so, another man approached him from behind, leaning over the seat and tapping his shoulder. Niragi turned with an angered scowl on his face, but it turned to a smirk once he heard what the man had to tell him.

You stopped in your tracks and watched as he leaped over the backrest of the couch suddenly, following the man with his rifle slung over his shoulders. They were headed to the door that led inside, so you quickly followed, wanting to reunite with your old friend from so long ago.

“Niragi!” you yelled out happily, trying to get his attention. A few heads turned at your voice around you, but he didn’t manage to hear you over the sound of the music blaring through the speakers.

“Niragi!” you tried again, but this time you were blocked by a few people in your way. A small crowd gathered in front of you, not noticing you trying to get past.

Niragi turned his head at the mention of his name but couldn’t see anyone calling his attention. He shrugged it off and kept following the man. He had told him that a young guy was causing some trouble inside one of the halls, so he was going to take care of it.

As you finally managed to force yourself through the small crowd that interrupted your path, you saw the Niragi and the man had already made it inside. You ran straight after them. You were feeling ecstatic, ready to throw your arms around him and give him the biggest hug ever to make up for all the days you’ve been apart.

As you quickly made your way inside, you caught a glance of his checkered shirt turning the corner a bit ahead of you. You moved your legs as quick as you could, trying to catch up.

You turned the corner, about to yell out to him again, but your voice got caught in your throat when the sight in front of you met your eyes.

“You really thought you could get away with this?!”

Niragi had a young boy pinned to the ground, pressing his boot against his upper back and shoving the barrel of his rifle against his skull violently. The boy below him was crying and begging for his mercy.

You had a small flashback to high school, when you saw Niragi’s main bully Haru shoving a baseball bat against the back of his head, him lying on the ground battered and bloodied.

It was the exact same scene. Only this time, Niragi was the tormentor himself.

“Niragi, I’m sorry! It won’t happen again!” he cried desperately, clawing at the floor trying to get away.

Niragi lifted his other boot and stamped it down roughly onto the boy’s hand. You covered your mouth as you heard a few bones crack.

He leaned down closer to the boy’s face and lifted his head up his hair, making him whimper in pain. “If I ever see you stealing from one of the executives again, this rifle will go down your throat and I won’t hesitate to blow the back of your skull out,” he hissed, sticking out his tongue and revealing the ball piercing he had.

The boy nodded, leaning away from Niragi as best as he could.

The man who led Niragi to the scene tapped him on the shoulder. “Alright that’s enough. You don’t want to give him PTSD,” he said calmly.

Niragi let out an annoyed groan. “But I was just getting started with him!” he whined, letting the boy out from under his boot and watching as he scuttled away like a bug.

You couldn’t move. You stayed put as the boy pushed past you, accidentally smacking into your shoulder in the process. Your eyes remained wide, staring at the tall man with fear written across your face.

This was not the Niragi you knew. It was not the Niragi you defended from those bullies. This was not the Niragi that used to be your closest friend, possessing a shy and timid personality. No, that Niragi was dead now. This was a devil standing in front of you. Nothing but a violent jerk that struck fear in anyone that he came across. What happened to him?

Unfortunately, you took a little too long to gather your thoughts and before you knew it, a rough grip was on your shoulders shaking you out of your daydream. You flinched in a panic as you saw Niragi’s angered face appear in front of yours.

“What are you looking at? You want some too?” he growled, shoving the barrel of his gun against your temple. You froze, staring into his dark, evil eyes, not knowing what to do.

You watched in confusion as his hard and angry facial features softened, rage turning into surprise, and even concern.

“Oh my god,” he whispered, taking his hands off your shoulders and backing a way a bit in shock. You kept your eyes on him. You wanted nothing but for him to recognize you a few minutes before, but now you weren’t so sure.

“Y/N?!” he exclaimed suddenly, causing you to jump as his tone. A large smile grew on his face, only you viewed it as nothing but sinister and evil.

“Oh my god Y/N! Since when did you get here?!” he asked excitedly. He quickly moved towards you again and held his arms out to give you a hug, but you backed away and shook your head, making him frown.

“What’s wrong? Don’t you recognize me? It’s me! Niragi! Your best friend!”

You shook your head again, trying to get the message across that you didn’t want him near you. “Sorry Niragi,” you mumbled, trying hard to keep your tears in.

You quickly darted around the corner, making your way to the staircase to run to your room. You felt overwhelmed. After everything that happened today, finding out that your closest friend was now a murderer was the last thing you needed.

Your stomach dropped as you heard heavy footsteps following closely behind you.

“Wait Y/N! Please let me explain!” he tried to stop you, but you weren’t going to give him any time after that performance with the young boy.

“Piss off Niragi!” you yelled, climbing the stairs as fast as you could, trying to get away from him.

You turned onto the floor that your room was located on, sprinting down the hallway. You glanced back over your shoulder to see that Niragi wasn’t that far behind you. He had dropped his rifle, now trying to catch up to you empty handed.

You quickly busted through your door and immediately pressed your entire body weight on it. You silently cursed Hatter for not letting you have locks.

You heard him arrive in front of it, immediately trying to open it, but you stood your ground. He may have been tall, but there was nothing but skin and bones on him. He had no muscles to help him push through.

You held the door shut with your leg and reached for a chair to put against the handle so we wouldn’t be able to open it. You managed to secure it underneath the handle and stood back, watching as Niragi tried to open it again, but failing.

“Y/N please just let me in! Let me explain! I didn’t mean for you to see that!” he cried. You almost felt guilty, hearing as he started tearing up behind the door while still attempting to let himself in.

“Please Y/N! Let me in! I missed you!”

You covered your ears with your hands. You didn’t want to listen to his pleas, it would do nothing but make you feel bad for him.

That wasn’t Niragi outside your door, that was a cold-blooded killer that you wanted nothing to do with.

**************

The next few days you spend on alert around The Beach, looking around every corner for Niragi. As much as you’ve missed him the past few years, that event that occurred with the young boy obviously showed that he was no longer the nice and caring friend that you used to have. If anything, he now has become what he hated most in his high school days, a selfish and careless bully.

Who wants to be associated with someone like that? Not you.

Although even though you managed to avoid him in person, his name was brought up wherever you went. A few people would approach you during the day and warn you that Niragi was looking for you. It only would make your anxiety spike, causing you to scatter off to a more secluded place somewhere at The Beach. Most of the time you would hide in your room, but on the few occasions you climbed to the roof or hung around Alice and Usagi (who you had befriended), you managed to keep away from the psychopath.

One day, you were sitting out on one of the tables out by the pool. It was still quite early in the morning, so there wasn’t a lot of people around. The air was quite nippy, making you shiver against the cold breeze. You rubbed your arms up and down, trying to warm yourself up. Unfortunately, you hadn’t grown used to the ‘always wear bathers’ policy yet.

You felt a gentle hand lay itself on your shoulder, making your eyes widen and your head whip around to yell at whoever had dared to touch you, but you held in your harsh remark when your eyes met with Niragi’s.

“Finally! I found you!” he exclaimed, a sickening smile spreading across his face. You leant away from his touch, scooting your butt along the seat of the table, trying to make distance between the two of you.

Niragi obviously didn’t like this.

“Why are you avoiding me like I’m some kind of disease? I just want to talk to you! I haven’t seen you in years!” he said annoyed, taking a seat at the table.

You eyed his sniper rifle closely, watching as he placed it down on the table in front of him. You felt somewhat relieved that the barrel was pointing away from you. Who knew when he would decide to use that vicious weapon against you?

You blinked, not daring to say anything. You wanted to get out of the situation as soon as possible. It was unbearably uncomfortable.

“Sorry Niragi, I have to go,” you stated, standing up out of your seat and moving to turn away.

Niragi gripped the back of your hoodie and pulled you so you sat down again, making you yelp in surprise. “No, you don’t. Stop avoiding me,” he growled, placing an arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer to him.

You closed your eyes tightly in discomfort. You swore you were so close you could hear his heart beating. With a short shove to the side, you got out of his grip and stood up again.

“No, I do. I’m sorry but I really don’t want to talk to you,” you bluntly said, becoming agitated from his insistent behaviour. Why did he think he could just tell you what to do?

He frowned, standing up as well. “Fine then, I’ll just come too. I don’t care if you don’t want to talk to me. You don’t get a choice.”

You rolled your eyes and quickly started walking away from him, hoping to at least get a head-start to stay away from him. You heard him jog up to you as you kept walking, seeing his shadow appear right next to you.

You became more and more anxious the longer he followed you. He started to get a little too comfortable in his movements, even having the audacity to touch your hair and comment on how much it’s grown.

It got to a point where you had walked all the way to the lobby about three times, realizing that he wasn’t even focusing on where you were going. You turned around just as he was reaching to grab your hand, looking him in the eye with anger written all over your face.

“Can you not take a hint?! Leave me the fuck alone!” you yelled, watching as his face contorted into shock at your tone.

“I don’t want to have anything to do with you Niragi! You’re fucking insane and sadistic! Has it not occurred to you that you’ve literally become the soul thing that you hated in high school?!” you sassed, anger ripping from your words and smacking him in the face.

The few people in the lobby turned their heads at the sound of your arguing, being curious due to not seeing anyone ever dare to yell such vulgar words towards Niragi.

He tucked his hand into his jeans pocket and readjusted the rifle on his shoulder, almost looking bored. “Yeah? And what would that be?” he asked, licking his bottom lip while staring at your menacingly.

You cringed as his movements. “A fucking asshole! A little bitch that preys on those weaker than him just so he can project his own hatred for himself onto them! You’re pathetic Niragi, and it’s a real shame that no one has in this shithole has told you so. Because no one knows you like I know you, and I know that on the inside, you hate yourself more than anyone could ever hate you.”

You took in a deep breath, regaining your strength. You suddenly saw the irony in your words. You accused Niragi of projecting his anger onto others when you just did it yourself.

Niragi rolled his eyes, bringing his rifle down off his shoulder and fiddling with the bullet canister. You felt your heart stop from his actions, being afraid that he was going to use it on you.

“Don’t act like you don’t miss me Y/N,” he laughed, glancing his eyes back up to you.

You grunted in annoyance. “Just leave me alone, please,” you begged, turning around and leaving Niragi to the peeping eyes still staring at you both.

He turned his head to everyone in the lobby. As he did so, everyone turned back to what they were doing, being afraid of being caught staring and yelled at by him.

“That’s right. Mind your own business,” he shouted out across the lobby to make sure everyone heard.

He watched you as you walked away, eventually turning the corner to go search for Alice and Usagi. At least they would give you some kind of security after what just happened.

He chuckled to himself, sticking his pierced tongue out and running it across his lips once again. “Just you wait Y/N, you’ll come running back to me soon enough. You can only keep that tough façade up for so long. Just wait until people find out that you’re all bark and no bite.”

************

You stumbled your way to the entrance of the hotel, head throbbing in pain and legs aching from the muscle strain you’ve put on them. You had arrived back from your game, being the only one that managed to survive. You didn’t feel well, both physically and emotionally, so you were planning on slipping into a coma for a few days to sleep off the pain that you were feeling at that moment.

It felt like a huge effort to even lift your feet. You didn’t feel like talking to anyone, so you weren’t even thinking of checking in on Alice or Usagi. You said to yourself you would look for them tomorrow. You were in too much of a bad mood to engage in conversation. You’d probably end up snapping at them, which wouldn’t be fair on them since they just completed a harsh game themselves.

As you were just about to enter through the large glass doors before a young militant woman with short blonde hair pushed through before you even had the chance. She managed to even knock your shoulder during the process, making you hiss in pain.

She looked you up and down with a disgusted expression on her face. “Watch where you’re going,” she spat before continuing walking inside.

You rolled your eyes. “Bitch,” you mumbled under your breath.

Her head quickly whipped around to meet your eye, an angered scowl on her face. “Excuse me?” she said in disbelief.

Your words got stuck in your throat. She wasn’t meant to have heard that. “I-I…”

“I-I..” she mocked you. You felt your adrenaline skyrocket. You’ve heard of this girl; she doesn’t take things lightly.

“Look I’m sorry, it just slipped out I promise,” you stammered out, putting your hands up in a surrender. You weren’t in the mood for dealing with her shit, you were grumpy and tired. You hoped she would let you off with just a warning.

But she had different plans.

She grabbed you by the back of your hoodie, dragging you outside again and brought you over to a small alleyway that ran along the side of the hotel. You struggled in her grip and protested the whole way.

Although, you stopped fighting against her when she shoved you against a brick wall and pulled a revolver out of her jacket pocket, pushing it underneath your chin. You froze and looked at her with pleading eyes, begging for her to have mercy.

“You’ve messed with the wrong person you bitch,” she growled, giving you a quick jab to the ribs. You yelped in pain, clutching your side. It hurt ten times more, considering you’ve already faced a horrific game that same night.

“I’m sorry!” you cried, feeling tears welling up in your eye sockets.

She scoffed and smirked at you. “Wow, all bark and no bite huh?” she teased, throwing a kick to your shin, making you cry harder.

Her words angered you, making you see red for a short moment. You forgot about the revolver against your chin and gave her a quick punch to the jaw, making her head whip sideways.

She groaned, clutching her face and slowly turned back to you. You felt yourself fill with regret when you saw the look on her face. She looked like she was ready to kill you.

“Is that how you want it? Fine, have a hole in your foot. Maybe it’ll manage to get you and your attitude killed off in the next game,” she snarled.

Your stomach dropped at her words. Before you could even protest, she pulled away and aimed the gun towards the ground and blew a quick bullet in the top of your foot.

You cried out, kneeling and grasping your foot in your hands in pain, biting your tongue so you didn’t scream too loud. The pain of the bullet seeped from your foot and up your leg, spreading across your body.

The militant girl stood above you, laughing at your pathetic body lying on the ground. Your screams of pain brought her pleasure.

“Didn’t think this would happen when you bad mouthed me, didn’t you?!” she laughed, leaning down and pushing the gun against your head to threaten you more.

Another gunshot rang in your ears. For a moment you thought it was her and that she had put a bullet through your head, killing you. But then you heard a cry and saw the girl fall in the ground holding your shin with her head thrown back in a silent scream.

You were about to attempt to stand up to take this opportunity to run, but quickly jumped back down to the ground when another loud gunshot filled the air. You heard the bullet colliding with flesh as the girl flinched violently and cried out again.

You heard a menacing male laugh fill the air, and you glanced down the alleyway to see where it came from.

There stood Niragi, holding his sniper rifle out towards you both with smoke protruding from the barrel of it. A psychotic grin was painted across his face and you swore you saw his eyes shine red.

“Why are you giving my poor love a hard time?! Maybe think twice before you put a bullet through my property,” he exclaimed, chucking and walking up to the girl giving her a harsh kick to the ribs.

You felt like you were about to throw up and hearing some of her ribs crack from the collision of her chest to his boot did not help your nausea.

You rubbed your eyes and pressed your forehead against the ground. You wanted to wake up, like this was all some bad dream. Before you knew it, you were silently sobbing on the floor, tears rolling out of your eyes and down your cheeks.

You felt two arms wrap around you, lifting you off the cold stone floor and into a warm chest. You winced and whined as the bullet wound in your foot shot a searing pain through your leg. Niragi shushed you quietly.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you,” he whispered, placing his cheek on top of your head.

His behaviour was giving you whiplash. One second ago he was acting like a maniac, shooting holes through a young girl, but now he was carrying you by under your knees and your shoulders, your head tucked into his neck.

You were exhausted, your body not even listening to you. You tried to move your leg to force yourself out of his grip but didn’t even have the strength to lift it. Your head was throbbing, and you could’ve passed out easily in his arms, but forced yourself to stay awake.

As Niragi walked past the lobby to get to the medical room, he attracted a few worried faces. Some even stood up to walk over and ask if you were okay. Everyone was terrified he had bad intentions with you, knowing how he was.

He ignored the few that approached both of you, rushing down the hall to escape them. He had to get there quickly so Ann could treat your bullet wound.

When he arrived, he pushed through the door harshly and called out to Ann with a worried tone. She stopped what she was doing and turned to the door to see Niragi holding you close to him protectively, blood dripping into the ground from your shoe.

“Shit, bring her here.” She gestured towards an empty table in the middle of the room. Niragi rushed over and placed you gently on the metal table, letting you lean your upper body against him.

Ann brought over some large tweezers, a cloth, disinfectant and a bandage. You flinched at the sight of the tweezers, moving to get away from her. “No, no!” you begged, trying to crawl up the table to get away, but Niragi grabbed your waist and pinned you against his chest.

“We have to get the bullet out Y/N, we can’t just leave it in there!” he argued, brushing your hair out of your face to calm you down.

You struggled against his grip as Ann held down your foot and carefully removed your shoe and sock. You looked down and saw a small hole in the top of your foot. How could such a small injury cause so much pain?

“Alright Niragi, keep her still. This is going to hurt,” Ann said shallowly, picking up the tweezers to try and remove the bullet.

“Yep.” You felt his grip on you tighten and he tucked his chin on your head. “Please just keep still Y/N, I’m here. It’s okay,” he cooed. His reassuring words didn’t do much to ease your anxiety.

Niragi turned your face so you were nuzzled into his chest. He knew that making you watch Ann take the bullet would do nothing but freak you out more, so he wanted to protect you from the sight.

You felt fine until the pain in your foot suddenly skyrocketed, making you let out a piercing scream. You bit your tongue to try and quieten yourself, but it didn’t do much.

Niragi frowned as he suddenly felt you go limp against him. He looked down at your face to see you had passed out, eyes shut tight and letting out soft breaths.

He smiled and brushed his fingers across your face. “So cute,” he mumbled.

“Well, that’s better. Maybe if we just knocked her out with a quick jab to the head, it would’ve saved us the headache of trying to keep her down,” Ann stated bluntly, causing Niragi to laugh.

“You know how this happened?” she asked him, raising her eyebrows.

“A bitch shot her just outside the hotel,” he said with an angry tone.

Ann didn’t seem surprised. Events like that occurred a lot. She had removed a lot of bullets the time she had been there.

“What happened to the girl? Did she run when she saw you?”

“I didn’t give her the chance to. She copped two bullets into her body for doing that to Y/N.”

“Did you think maybe Y/N was the one giving her a hard time?”

“Doesn’t matter. I only saw her shoot the bullet, nothing else.”

“Fair enough.”

***********

You cracked your eyes open to a room that most definitely wasn’t your own. You groaned and sat up, wincing when the pain in your foot shot through your leg. Memories of yesterday filled your head. “I must have passed out in the medical room,” you said to yourself.

You scanned the room. It was much bigger than yours. The bed you were in was three times the size of yours, and this room even had a huge balcony. As you looked around more, you noticed that a bag of your stuff was placed near the closet.

You frowned. Why was your stuff from your room here?

Suddenly the door opened to reveal Niragi, walking in with a plate of a bread roll and a bottle of water. He saw you awake and smiled.

“Aw little mouse is awake. How’s your foot?” he purred.

You cringed at the pet name. “What’s it to you, dickhead,” you growled, getting out of the bed and standing up. You were wearing the same clothes that you wore to the game yesterday, minus the shoes and the jacket.

Niragi smirked and placed the food on a small table in the centre of the room. “Have you forgotten who saved your pathetic ass yesterday?” he asked, approaching you. “And also, don’t stand on that foot. It’s injured, you have to rest it.” He pushed on your shoulder lightly to make you sit on the bed again. He sat himself next to you and leaned towards your face.

You moved away from his face, hating how close he was to you. “Yeah, but how did you know I even needed help? And don’t tell me you were just going on a short stroll through the alleyway at eleven at night,” you said, scooting up the bed and leaning your back against the wooden bedhead.

Niragi chuckled. “What if I was? Are you accusing me of stalking?” he suggested.

You shook your head. “Why is my stuff here,” you asked, changing the subject.

Niragi glanced over at the bag full of your stuff on the ground near the closet. He turned back to you with a smile on his face. “Oh yeah! I forgot to say, you’re moving in with me,” he said excitedly.

You felt your stomach drop. “What? I didn’t agree to this.” You swung your legs over the side of the bed and attempted to stand again. You could only place pressure on one foot, so you stood on one leg.

“Oh, baby. I don’t care if you don’t want to. You’re in here with me now, whether you like it or not,” he growled, reaching out towards you waiting for you to place your hand in his.

You stared at him, trying to see if he was joking or not. But from the serious look on his face, you didn’t think he was.

“I’m not staying in here with you. You’re a fucking psycho.”

You attempted to limp over to the door, wanting to escape Niragi as soon as possible. But you didn’t expect him to be so insistent on you staying.

A sudden arm around your waist spun your around and Niragi pinned you against the door, his face far too close to yours for it to be comfortable. “Did you not just hear me? You don’t get a choice love. You’re stuck with me,” he rasped into your face with a scary smile across his.

Your breath hitched and you turned your head away as he moved his face closer, trying to force his lips against yours. You felt helpless.

“Niragi please. Let me go, I’m sorry if I ever angered you,” you begged, pushing on his chest, but he wouldn’t budge. “I promise if you let me go, we can go back to how we were in high school.” You were trying to do anything that would get him off you. Your heart was racing, and you were becoming more frightened by the second.

Niragi licked a long and slow stripe from your collar bone to the back of your ear. You cringed and sobbed at the feeling of his tongue and saliva on your skin. “Maybe I don’t want it like it was back then. Maybe I want more Y/N,” he whispered.

He tucked his face into your neck and nipped at your skin. He had your arms pinned either side of you and his leg was holding your good foot against the door. You couldn’t do anything to defend yourself.

“What have you become Niragi,” you sobbed after a short moment.

Niragi removed himself from your neck, leaning back to look at you. You stared into his eyes, seeing the same dark and beautiful orbs that used to make your heart race with love in high school, only now, they made your heart race with fear.

“I’ve become the real me Y/N, and you’re going to love me, whether you want to or not.”

[omg-imagine]

Loopy

Pairing: Johnny Silverhand x female!V

Summary: V is a little loopy from her anesthesia, and Johnny finds it amusing.

Words: 1.7k

A/N: Requested by @thescorpionrodriguez. Hope you enjoy!

“Come on, V, wake the fuck up already.”

Silence. Johnny swears he could hear a pin drop.

V’s body remains lax on the bed; her eyes wound shut as if she were sound asleep. Slow and rhythmic, the rise and fall of her chest were calming, lulling. For once, she looks to be in peace, a rare moment for those who live and breathe in Night City.

She had been lucky. Extremely lucky. Two or three millimeters more to the right and the bullet that pierced her abdomen would have hit an organ. By some miracle, it missed anything vital and had exited out cleanly. It did fucking hurt judging by the sound of her agonizing groans, but here she was—still kicking, still alive.

And Johnny’s relieved that she was. They may not get along at times, but he genuinely cares for V. Hell, he would even consider her a good friend. She could call him a snarky asshole as often as she wants (and she does), yet he knows that deep down, she too has grown a soft spot for the rocker boy.

It’s been hours since the mission that went awry, and Johnny was getting pretty antsy. Vik had to put V down while he worked on repairing her cyberware. Nothing major, though the anesthesia should have certainly worn out by now. Much to Silverhand’s surprise, the ripperdoc wasn’t acting all too worried about it. He thinks V could use the sleep since he’s aware of how little she’s been getting.

Unfortunately, Johnny was all but a patient man. Bored out of his damn mind, he’s tired of roaming around the operating room, waiting and waiting for V to regain consciousness. Johnny’s more than ready to leave, perhaps grab a smoke afterward. He hasn’t gone this long without one lately, and he can’t enjoy one if V’s lying here, knocked out cold.

Nearly the rest of the day flies by, and the sun begins to set. That’s when he feels it; a spark—a familiar jolt of electricity emitting in the depths of V’s mind. Johnny manifests by her bedside, watching as her body finally stirs awake. That’s my girl, he silently praises, a flicker of a smile playing on his lips. V’s eyes flutter open, taking a minute to survey her surroundings before her line of sight lands on him.

“Well, look who decided to come back to life,” Johnny quips, leaning closer. “You doing alright, kid?”

V doesn’t respond. Rather, she bursts into a fit of giggles out of nowhere.

What the fuck?

Bewildered, Johnny glances everywhere but notices nothing amusing of the sort. “Care to share what you find so funny?”

“You’re too good looking to be my nurse,” V drawls, no doubt experiencing side effects from the anesthesia.

“I’m no nurse, princess, but thanks,” he corrects her. Then, it dawns on him. “You recognize me?”

She blinks at him blearily, the gears in her head turning as she tries to put a name to the face. “I dunno, should I?”

“It’s Johnny. Johnny Silverhand. Ring any bells?”

Again, V chuckles, a light-hearted tone that Johnny rarely hears, but they were sweet music to his ears when he does.

“Nope, zero bells. Are you like my husband or something?”

Johnny’s eyes widen. “Husband? Oh, no, honey. We ain’t even gone on a date yet. I’d say, think of us as partners-in-crime.”

“Wait!” V blurts out, gasping. “I remember you. You’re from that band—Samurai, right? God, I used to listen to your songs a lot as a kid.”

“Huh, you told me you’d never heard of Samurai,” Johnny recalls, slightly entertained at this point. “Didn’t peg you as a fangirl, V. I’m flattered.”

“So, can I… y’know, get your autograph?”

Just before Johnny could continue playing around with a loopy V, Viktor strolls in with Misty in tow, both delighted to find the merc out of her prolonged slumber. He lingers by the foot of her bed as Vik explains to V what happened, but she doesn’t seem to be processing it. She stares at him, dazed, and Johnny wonders when she’ll be back to normal.

“The effects should go away in a few hours,” Vik informs Misty once he’s examined V. She’s healing nicely and isn’t complaining much, yet that could be because of all the painkillers she was jacked with. “I’d say watch over V until she can stand on her own two feet without tripping. Other than that, she’s good to go.”

“Where are we going?” a clueless V asks, looking back and forth between the two. “Is Johnny coming?”

Misty furrows her brow at her. “Johnny?”

“Yeah, mister sex on legs over there,” she points eagerly, and Johnny smirks at that. “I’m not done talking to him yet.”

Vik shakes his head before reminding Misty of the engram residing within V’s psyche. “Oh, yeah. Silverhand. Uh, I guess he could come, too. Don’t really have much of a choice there, doll.”

The walk back to V’s apartment was a journey in itself. Lucky for her, she was pushed in a wheelchair throughout it all as Johnny stays visible for her benefit. They reached the door just before the skies turned completely dark, the warmth and comfort of the room being somewhat familiar to V.

Misty carefully moves her onto the bed, propping her up with pillows behind her back before smoothing out the blankets covering her legs. Johnny observes from a distance, quiet in his pondering. He’s never seen V this vulnerable before. She’s always been incredibly independent, not to mention stubborn as hell. She won’t accept anyone’s help unless it’s dire, and even then, she’s reluctant to do so.

“You must be starving,” Misty comments once V is settled. “How about I get you somethin’ to eat downstairs. Better food than what’s here, if there’s any. Hang tight for a bit, ’kay?”

Nodding, Misty then heads out of the room, the front door sliding shut when she’s gone, leaving V in the presence of Johnny yet once again. He glitches to sit by the edge of the mattress as V stares at him incredulously. Her eyes shone what he could best describe as innocence; she truly has no clue of what they’ve gone through together in the previous months.

“Can you sing me a song?”

Johnny narrows his gaze, a small chuckle rumbling in his throat at her deliriousness. “I don’t do concerts anymore.”

“Oh, come on!” V pouts, almost child-like in her ways. “Pleeease?”

“No,” he refuses sternly before an idea comes to mind. “How about you sing to me? Said you were a fan. Give me a performance, and maybe I’ll consider it.”

V does not hesitate. On cue, she starts to serenade Johnny with one of Samurai’s greatest hits, going as far as imitating the gruffness of his voice. Off-beat and lyrics garbled, V belts out the tune confidently and loud enough that her irritated neighbors began banging on the wall, yelling at her to quit it.

She ignores them, of course.

Meanwhile, Johnny’s having the time of his life. It was quite endearing to him, although embarrassing for V if she later finds out about this. Yet, he doesn’t stop her. He encourages her even further by singing along, not giving a fuck in the world.

At the end of the song, Johnny laughs heartily along with V, who had crawled closer to him. Their eyes meet for a moment that seems to last longer than it actually did. His mouth quirks up in a smile, the kind of smile that was reserved for her and her alone.

“You’re pretty cool, Silverhand,” V mumbles sleepily, touching the cold surface of his chrome arm. Sighing, Johnny guides her drowsy self back under the covers, certain that she would crash in the next minute or two. “I think you should take me on a date. We’d be a hell of a couple together.”

“I think you’re going to regret everything that’s happened just now when you wake up in the morning,” he returns, and there was a slight pang in his chest.

V only hums in response, and he doubts he had even heard what he last said. It doesn’t matter, however. Johnny was sure she wouldn’t want to bring this up again.

---

“Fuck…” V exhales groggily, her blinking eyes wincing at the bright sunlight flooding into the room. She feels pain all over, her head throbbing immensely as she tries to gather memories of the day prior. It comes back in bits and pieces until suddenly, she remembers everything.

Everything.

“Good morning, princess,” Johnny greets after materializing before her, a cocky smirk plastered on his face. “How ya feelin’? Still loopy or need a little more refreshing from ‘mister sex on legs?’”

V’s reflexes are quick; Johnny doesn’t even register the pillow being hurled at him at first. He only realizes it when the empty glass bottles on the center table falls to the floor, shattering and making a mess.

“You’re lucky you’re just a hologram, right now,” V muttered as she stands up unsteadily.

Johnny holds his hands up. “You were the one who said it.”

Rolling her eyes, V reaches for the painkillers Misty left on the side. “Don’t remind me.”

“Alright, but at least let me tell you that you’ve got a shitty voice.”

“That’s why I don’t do karaoke,” V snorts before swallowing the pills and heading to the couch. “So, what do you think?”

“What do you mean?” Johnny questions.

“You, me, dinner?”

V waits for his reaction, smiling coyly at his confusion. When Johnny finally understands what she was referring to, he almost couldn’t believe it.

“Wait, are you fucking serious?”

She lets out a chortle. “Yeah, I’m serious. Don’t get me wrong, I’m mortified about last night, and I’m never going to let Vik knock me out with that stuff again. But hey, the truth came out. Might not have remembered you, but even while high as fuck, I knew I liked you.”

Briefly, they traded a look of longing, acknowledging at last this deeper connection they’ve felt for a while. It was much more than sharing a body, a mind. Something more profound than what Johnny and V have experienced before in their lives.

And though it was all entirely new to them, they both wanted it. They both wanted each other.

“Better get to it then,” Johnny flashes a grin, mirroring V’s own. “Wanna start with breakfast? Bet you’re hungry after skipping what Misty brought you, samurai.”

“Never going to live that one down, are ya?”

Shooting her a cheeky wink, Johnny throws on his stylish pair of aviators with ease.

“You bet your ass I’m not.”

Permanent Tags: @penwieldingdreamer @keandrews @feminine-machinegun @fanficsrusz @thehumanistsdiary @flaminasteroid @rowserein @unaspiringwritings @planetkt @breakthenight @baphometwolf666 @rdjloverxxx

Johnny Silverhand Tags: @silverse​ @overheardatthecontinental @life-is-fuucked @ataraxydreams

[agustdakasuga]

Between The Bloodshed | Chapter 6

Genre: Mafia!AU, Angst, Romance, Fluff

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Characters: Doctor!Reader, Gangster!Namjoon, Gangster!Seokjin, Gangster!Yoongi, Gangster!Hoseok, Gangster!Jimin, Gangster!Taehyung, Gangster!Jungkook

Summary: Being a freelance doctor, this was just supposed to be any other job, helping a private client and taking care of him through his recovery. But you were not expecting to get caught in something so much darker that would change your life entirely.

The boys patiently waited for you to give them an answer. Were you really going to leave like nothing happened? Or bite the bullet and continue, possibly putting your life at risk?

Warning: This story is fictional and has nothing to do with real life events or the actual members of BTS. It may contain depictions of violence, blood shed/ gore and mentions of abuse. Please read at your own discretion.

The next morning, you sat up in bed. You went to bed rather late last night, even after the dinner ended. It was hard to fall asleep like normal. In the end, you decided to head into your office again to try and make yourself sleepy like the night before. 

Kookie just sat there obediently, being a nice, quiet companion. There was a knock on the door, making your head shoot up from your book. You hummed and the door opened, a head poking through. 

“Hey.” You smiled softly. 

“I was passing by and saw your office lights on. Can’t sleep?” He came in with a tray. You shook your head. 

“I brought some hot chocolate. Mind if I join you?” He asked. You repeated your action, gesturing to the chair on the other side of your desk. Placing the tray with the two mugs down, he took a seat. He held out one of the mugs to you. You graciously took it into your hands, enjoying the warm, sweet beverage before resting it on your lap. 

“Ah, Kookie, don’t do that.” You pulled him away as he started to nibble on the corner of your book.

“I still can’t believe you and Jungkook got this fella together on a whim.” He chuckled, crossing his legs as he sipped from his own mug. You smiled softly, stroking Kookie’s ear. 

“I still can’t believe I let Jungkook name him Kookie.” You snorted. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked. 

“My wrist is fine. It’s not even a strain, just a little bruised. I’m just as human as you, I get hurt too.” You joked. He smiled at your response. 

“I know. But that’s not what I was referring to. I was talking more... mentally and emotionally. I guess we were all shocked because these things happen to us on a daily basis... So we never thought how much it would affect you or anyone else.” He confessed. 

“I was shaken. But... I’ll get over it.” You looked away. 

“It’s okay to be scared, (y/n).” He said softly, not in a teasing way. His voice was laced with patience and understanding.

“Do you want me to stay?” You asked randomly. 

“You and I both know that it doesn’t matter what I want or what the others want.” He raised an eyebrow, knowing that you were just deflecting. You shrugged, chewing on your bottom lip like a pouty child. 

“We’re still shocked you haven’t left. We thought you’d just pack and leave the moment you got home.” He confessed. 

“Well, I’m not exactly one to make impulsive decisions. I usually put more thought into it. Every decision is important to me. Whatever the outcome is... affects me and the clients I work with.” You rolled your eyes slightly. The male gave you an amused look, laughing and raising his mug in agreement. After the drinks were done, you separated to head to bed. 

“Thanks.” You saluted before parting ways with him, a sleeping Kookie curled up in your arms. 

You rolled around your sheets for a while before getting up. Going to open the curtains, you saw Jimin in the backyard, swinging a wooden bokken around, hitting a plastic dummy.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

“Come in.” You cleared your throat. Jungkook appeared, yawning and rubbing his eyes, half asleep. Without a word, you watched as he dove into bed. 

“Jungkook?” You called out. 

“Shhh, hyungs are too naggy. You never saw me.” He mumbled into your pillow, slowly falling asleep again. You sighed with a shake of the head, this was the real side of the boys. You went into the bathroom to wash up and change. Jungkook was snoring softly when you came back out. 

“Good morning, Kookie.” You whispered. Kookie’s ear twitched before hopping over to sniff your finger. 

“Hungry?” You asked. He merely turned around and huddled back in his corner. You scoffed, standing back up to fill his food bowl anyway and change his water. Jungkook and Kookie remained asleep. 

*KNOCK KNOCK*

“Coming.” You stood up and went to open your door. Namjoon stood there with a displeased look on his face. 

“He’s there... isn’t he?” He sighed.

“Uhh...” You turned around to see Jungkook still fast asleep. 

“I have no idea who you’re referring to.” You smiled innocently. Namjoon squinted his eyes, obviously not convinced by your act. He tilted his head, trying to peak into the room but you just stepped to the side to cover his view of the youngest, passed out in your bed. You crossed your arms, raising your eyebrow at him. 

“I can tell you’re not going to have a problem integrating into the family then. I’ll look for Jungkook somewhere else. Thanks, doc.” He gave you a lazy wave and walked away. You closed the door. 

“Jeon Jungkook, get up. Go to your own bed.” You crossed your arms.

“No.” He replied, pulling the blanket over his head. You tugged the blanket away from him, making him whine.

“Why are you even here? I’m sure your room is much bigger and your bed is much more comfortable than mine.” You shook your head. Jungkook buried his face further into the pillow.

“Because hyungs keep nagging me to do things. And now you are doing the same.” He mumbled. Well, his profile did say he was the hardest to wake up. 

“I’m going. Don’t snoop.” You threatened and grabbed your things, leaving your bedroom. You went to make your morning coffee and sat down in the dining room. It was just Namjoon, Yoongi, Hoseok and a sweaty Jimin. They all acknowledged your presence in their own ways. 

“How was your sleep?” Hoseok asked. 

“It was fine.” You shrugged, dipping your toast into your running eggs. The breakfast was rather silent, with only occasional conversation being passed between the boys. 

“Namjoon, may I speak with you later?” You cleared your throat. 

“Of course.” He nodded. Jimin cast you an uneasy glance before side eyeing Namjoon, who nonchalantly continued to eat his food. 

“(y/n), you forgot to bring Kookie down. And by the way, you’re wrong, your bed is nicer than mine.” Jungkook came in, stretching his arms. He yawned, placing Kookie down before taking a seat. 

“What?!” Hoseok and Jimin yelped. Even Yoongi’s eyes widened slightly at Jungkook’s comment. 

“Liar.” Namjoon coughed. 

“I was held against my will, Namjoon.” You smiled innocently. Namjoon chuckled with a shake of his head. Jungkook lazily dug into his breakfast. The other 3 at the table were still stunned at Jungkook confessing that he slept in your bed and you being okay with that. It also seemed that Namjoon was in the know of it. 

“You... you...” Jimin pointed at Jungkook than you. 

“Oh, hell no! Get your brain out of the gutter. I’ll have you know, I am a woman of principles. I’m insulted you would even assume such a thing, Jimin.” You glared at him. 

“Then why was Jungkook in your bed?” Yoongi asked. 

“Escaping you guys to get a couple more minutes of sleep.” You revealed and Jungkook choked on his food. 

“Hey! You didn’t have to go exposing me!” 

“Well, that’s what you get for making it sound like we slept together. I’m not having my morals questioned because of you.” You scoffed, crossing your arms. Jungkook shot you an offended look. 

“Yoongles, I’ll see you in the clinic after I speak to Namjoon?” You tilted your head. Yoongi rolled his eyes. 

“Alright, alright. Geez, I know you’re excited but calm down.” You waved him off. The others stifled a laugh. Yoongi would never admit that he only lets you play around with him like that. Anyone else would definitely get a bullet to the head if they tried to tease him like you. 

“Shall we?” Namjoon wiped his mouth, standing up. You nodded your head. 

“Do I have to sing how we’re off to see the wizard?” You blinked. Namjoon chuckled at your ‘Wizard of Oz’ reference. You walked out with him and headed to his office. 

“I’m guessing you would like to discuss whether you will continue working here with us or not?” Namjoon asked as he sat down. 

“Is there any other reason I should be coming?” You raised your eyebrows as you sat down. 

“I will never know if you think I need a psychiatric assessment or intervention so I was just making sure.” Namjoon chuckled with a shrug. You laughed, Namjoon would probably be the last person in the house that needs an ‘intervention’. Namjoon was someone you knew was serious but he always played along with your sarcastic jokes. 

“I’ll stay, at least until my contract ends.” You spoke, getting to the actual reason why you were sitting in his office. 

“Right... Here, you might need this then.” Namjoon nodded, taking a box out from his drawer and sliding it over to you. You didn’t even open it. 

“A gift? That was quick.” You scoffed. 

“Just take it. It’s actually more important than you think.” Namjoon said, a smile on his face. You nodded, placing the box in your lap, you’ll open it later when you’re alone.

“I heard Jungkook say you’ll be busy friday night?” 

“I knew that little bunny was eavesdropping... But yeah, just a little family thing I can’t really escape from. I can trust you guys not to get killed while I’m not around, right?” You crossed your arms. 

“Maybe not killed but gravely injured... I’m not making any promises.” Namjoon mused.

“Well, as long as you lot don’t die before I get back, you can get as gravely injured as you’d like. Who knows, it may be more fun for me than you’d think.” You chuckled. Standing up, you turned to get ready to leave Namjoon when he spoke from behind you.

“So what made your decision?” 

“Let’s just say some late night hot cocoa is good to clear your mind.” You said briefly, remembering what happened in your office last night with your mysterious person. 

“I see... Have a good day, doc.” Namjoon wished. You smiled, giving him a backwards wave before leaving. 

“Yoonie~” You hummed as you entered the office. Yoongi was already sitting on the therapy bed, looking at his finger nail with a bored expression. 

“So, any pain from our last session?” You asked. 

“No.” He replied, letting you help him unstrap the bulky cast form his body. You nodded your head. Yoongi’s condition was improving rather quickly. He was quite the compliant patient. You started the physiotherapy session with him, noting down the improvements that you observed. Yoongi also didn’t seem to be in as much pain. 

“Are you staying?” He asked. 

“What do you mean?” You asked, scribbling down on your notepad. 

“You know what I mean...”

“If you’re referring to whether I’ll still be working here, then yes. I told Namjoon that I’ll work at least until the end of my contract. Besides, it may prove to be a new experience working here.” You shrugged. 

“Don’t regret it.” Yoongi sighed. 

“Aww, are you worrying about me? Don’t worry, Yoonie. I know you would have missed me if I left.” You wiped a fake tear, making Yoongi give you a weird look.

“It’s not easy working for this family, (y/n). We face death and danger every day. I want you to take this seriously. It’s not a joke. You could seriously get hurt. You should seriously consider it before making any decision. It’s only going to get harder as the days pass.” Yoongi frowned. 

“I am taking it seriously, Yoongi. What you saw the other night... it was just a moment of shock. I’ve mentally prepared myself.” You stared straight into his eyes with a firm voice. 

“Okay. It’s your decision.” Yoongi nodded. 

“Anyway, you don’t have you wear your sling 24/7 anymore. You can take it out for short periods of time. But you still shouldn’t be using your shoulder as normal and you should wear it to sleep.” You informed. 

“Right...” 

“Soon, you’ll be able to get rid of it entirely.” You gave a small, comforting smile. Yoongi nodded as you helped him put the sling on. 

“Bye~” You hummed as Yoongi left wordlessly. You sat at your desk, leaning back in your chair, scrolling through your emails. There were still forwarded emails from your parents. 

“Delete.” You scoffed, dragging the pile to the trash. 

*KNOCK KNOCK*

“Come in.” You sat up. Taehyung walked in, using the back of his hand to rub his cheek. He shut the door behind him and walked past you without another glance. Settling on the bed that Yoongi sat on earlier, Taehyung proceeded to lie down with his back facing you. You blinked at his sudden, wordless entrance but shrugged, continuing to do your work. 

“Taehyung?” You called out, typing away. He let out a soft hum from his spot. 

“Are you injured?” You asked. 

“...No..” He replied after much contemplation. Sighing, you stood up from your chair and headed over to him. 

“Taehyung, you’re bleeding. And you say you’re not injured. Hold on a sec.” You saw the smudged blood on his temple. Just as you were about to turn away to get the first aid kit, he grabbed your wrist. 

“It’s not my blood...” Taehyung said softly. 

“O-Oh.” Was all you could say. Taking your wrist out of his grip, you went to sit in your chair, continuing to do whatever was on your computer screen. 

“I forgot about this.” You looked at your desk and saw the box that Namjoon gave earlier. You cast a glance at Taehyung’s back before opening the box. Your eyes widened slightly as you stared at the chain bracelet with a pink diamond charm and a wing charm. 

“It’s for you to wear.” Taehyung spoke. Your head shot up and you saw him sitting on the bed, swinging his legs back and forth. 

“Here.” He hopped off, taking the bracelet and clasping it around your wrist. You were a little stunned by his actions but just blinked at the new weight around your wrist. 

“Don’t take it off...” He whispered. You nodded your head, still staring at the bracelet. 

“Why?” 

“I have to go for a meeting.” Taehyung looked up from his phone, tucking it into his back pocket before leaving and heading out of the office without answering your question. You sighed, lifting your wrist up and jingling it. You stood up and walked to the big window in your office. Jimin and Jungkook were in the backyard, sparring one another. 

“(y/n)?” A voice called and you turned around to see Hoseok standing there with a small smile on his face. 

“Namjoon told me to pass these to you?” He held a stack of files out to you. You nodded, waving for him to come in. As he placed them on the desk for you to go through, he sat down.

“New profiles?” You raised an eyebrow.

“There’s a little bit more truth in them.” Hoseok shrugged. You nodded slowly, going through the profiles. He was right, there was a little more “truth” in them. 

“Come, I’ll give you a full tour of the house.” Hoseok said excitedly, shutting the folders before you could read them all. You chuckled, following him out of your office. With your hands tucked into your lab coat pockets, you followed Jin into the other wing of the house. 

“Business people come through here. The entrance you came through is only for residents of the house. We don’t want different groups of people mixing.” Hoseok showed you a smaller foyer. 

“I see.” You nodded. 

“You’ve been to Namjoon’s office. But the rest of our offices are also in the same general area. He showed you the conference room on the top floor.

“This is our main conference room. The others are downstairs. These are used for our own people, between the other 6 boys and I. Meetings with outsider clients usually take place in our offices.” He explained. 

“There shouldn’t be a need to come to this wing, except for medical injuries.” Hoseok chuckled. 

“Yes, this isn’t a place I would like to wander in my free time either.” You rolled your eyes. He threw his head back in laughter. 

“Let’s head back then.” 

-

“Doc?” Jin came in. You looked up from your computer. 

“I was gone the whole day but Namjoon told me to good news!” He grinned, closing the door behind him. 

“Is it really good news?” You raised an eyebrow. 

“Well, it is to me! Which is why, I insisted on having a celebration tonight! To celebrate you joining the family.” Jin held your hands and pulled you up from your seat, despite your protests. He brought you out of your office and into the dining room. The other 6 were already sitting there, waiting for you patiently with glasses of wine. 

“Hey.” You lifted a hand to greet them.

“(y/n)!” Jimin cheered, pushing you to sit down by your shoulders. You blinked at them. Yoongi even had a smile of amusement on his face. 

“Wine?” Jungkook offered. You would have said no but considering they were having this ‘celebratory dinner’ for you, it would be rude of you to decline. 

“Sure. Thank you.” You sighed but nodded your head. Jungkook shot you a bunny smile before pouring some wine into your glass. You clinked glasses with all of them. 

“Welcome to the family.” Namjoon smiled. 

“Thanks?” You were unsure of what to say. After all, you were still here as an employee under them. 

“It’s going to be a wild ride. Things won’t be normal anymore.” Yoongi added, sipping his wine, as the staff served the food. You nodded your head, poking your steak. 

“No need to scare her further, Yoongi. She’s already proven her strength and made her decision. Let the girl breathe for a while.” Jin chided softly, making Yoongi grunt in annoyance. You knew he wasn’t trying to scare you, he was merely warning you. 

That night, you were sitting under the gazebo, relaxing and enjoying the night breeze. Jimin laid on the seat opposite you, just like the first night that you came to the house. 

“Scared?” Jimin asked. 

“No.” 

“It’s okay to be scared, (y/n). I’m sure we all were, at some point, when we first joined.” Jimin shrugged. You tilted your head in confusion. 

“Only Namjoon hyung and Yoongi hyung were the original members of the family. The rest of us were recruited by them. But I guess you will find out each person’s individual story from them.” He chuckled. 

“What’s yours?” You asked. 

~

Ko-fi link

Series Masterlist

Tag list

@veronawrites​ @diamonddia-mond​ @georgie-me-myself-i​ @saveme-imfine​ @openup-yourmind​ @purelyecstacy​ @nlost21​ @yiyi4657​ @kimmieloveswho​ @i-like-puppy-mg​ @cait-with-luv​ @s-tae-rrynight​ @supertweetycherry  @carolinexkpop @unatempesta-dipensieri​ @telepathylftv​ @taradevonne​ @top-crop​ @ifellinluvwithdorks​ @lovvliies​ @bt21chim​ @kpopiskpopyunho​ @egm09 @designjet​ @lasagnaisjustspaghetticake​ @3musez​ @bangtansleftnut​ @deeepvibes​ @barbikatherine​ @xxminilah​ @missmxqn​ @kimahnjung98​ @jbunnys-world​ @itspwi @gold--gucciempress​ @rainbow-zebra-unicorns​ @sinceritythatcouldntbedelivered​ @holaaaf​ @aconfusedidentity @samararose21​ @shondlenoodle​ @singhsahara @scuzmunkie​ @mellownatureanimalsdreamer @fenderbenderr​ @uraveragefangirlsposts​ @jikook-enthusiasts​ @wendyiiwl​ @amyniu​ @bipolargal @vivpurple7​ @mintvender​ @xcharlottemikaelsonx​ @enchantingbrowneyedgirl @imyourapocalypse​ 

[get-shiggy-with-it]

Ch. 2

Shigaraki Birthday Celebration! 18+ MINORS DNI

Pairing: Tomura Shigaraki x fem!reader 

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: reader is marked fem cause Tomura is a little sexist and hates you cause you’re a woman, no pronouns, incel!shiggy, collage au/no quirks, tomura is an asshole, gratuitous swearing, like so much, shiggy has a dirty mouth, mentions of shigs being anxious, brief male masturbation, tags will be added for smut in the next two parts

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6

Summary: In which studying is done, unwilling connections are made, and Tomura thinks about the way you smell a totally normal amount. 

AO3 mirror

Taglist: @dillybuggg​ (just shoot me an ask if you want to be tagged!

Tomura hadn’t stopped staring at his phone since he left the apartment. It was second nature by now—head down at a nearly ninety degree angle, hoodie pulled up to hide hair he hadn’t bothered to comb in weeks, and phone out, held just far enough away that he could see the pavement behind the screen. 

He’d found that people tended to naturally avoid him this way and he didn’t have to risk accidentally making eye contact. It was still a bit nerve wracking to venture into buildings he didn’t expressly have to for classes, so he was still hesitant to make the voyage from his apartment to the library.  But he’d made the mistake of mentioning plans to his roommate and the bastard wouldn’t leave him alone about it afterwards until he was practically shoved out with the door locked behind him. 

He was half tempted to make up some excuse last minute and go hide out at the only cafe on campus he could tolerate, but Tomura knew he was just delaying the inevitable. Biting the bullet now would help to not prolong his suffering. 

Your text thread glared up at him in stark white on blue as he pushed past a crowd of students by the library entrance and flashed his ID to the attendant. 

Group Project Bitch:

— hey I got us a room on the third floor, all the way in the back

—text me when you’re here I’ll wave you in, it’s kinda hard to find T-T

                                                                                                     sounds good— 

He shot off a quick text to you that he was hoping on the elevator. The other two guys in the lift may have given him a dirty look for only going up to the third floor, but Tomura sure as hell wasn’t going to risk the physical exertion of stares when just the thought being stuck in a small room alone with you for god knows how long already had him sweating. 

When he stepped out, you were leaned against one of the 90s-green shelves, scrolling aimlessly through your phone. He panicked momentarily, thinking he’d have to get your attention cause just walking up without saying anything would be weird right? 

He wasn’t sure. 

He didn’t do shit like this. 

Thankfully, you looked up at the chime of the lift and waved him over. His red sneakers squeaked as they scuffed the linoleum floors and he already regretted choosing his tighter fitting pair of sweats. The tapered legs that hugged his ankles and thin calves rubbed against his skin and stung the raw patches. 

“Hey, thanks for coming,” you said softly and he nodded, following as you began to weave through the stacks. “Sorry it was short notice, graduation’s coming up so I'm swamped with meetings.”

“It’s fine, I didn’t have anything going on.” 

He cringed internally at the way his voice cracked, trying to keep the usual rasp to a minimum. His roommate said it was from the innumerable hours he spent shouting at his monitor or on discord, which was probably true but to you he was sure he just sounded like a fucking teenager. 

“Cool, I’ve been set up for awhile so feel free to move some stuff,” you talked a bit louder now that you’d both stepped into the study room and shut the door. 

Tomura looked around. You’d snagged one of the nicer ones at least, with the big monitors he could cast his screen onto and those comfy chairs he liked but could never beat anyone too on the lower floors. 

You were right, there was shit all over the big table at the center of the room. Notes and printed out readings with highlights galore and sticky notes littering the pages were scattered all over. What a show off. You probably tossed all this stuff out so he’d think you were actually intelligent or some shit. 

Kicking a pile off of the nearest plush armchair, Tomura took a seat and pulled his laptop out. There was a jack in the middle of the table and you plugged yours in to cast onto the big monitor. 

You made a fucking power point for him. 

This couldn’t be real. 

“So I know I ran some stuff by you in class but essentially I was thinking we make like a simple Twine type thing using the rhetorical argument Swift is making…” 

You started rambling again and Tomura almost immediately tuned you out. His eyes drifted between the rough outline you were flicking through on the board and the laptop you had your nose buried in. 

It was covered in stickers, pretty obviously stereotypical for someone as obsessed with being ‘cool’ as you clearly were. But as he scanned through the various old meme phrases and aesthetic shit, he caught a couple of game references he recognized and a panel cutout from one of his favorite manga. 

He almost fell into your trap for a moment, feeling a rush at the prospect of someone—much less a chick—being into his main hyperfixations. 

But it was quickly crushed under everything his years trolling subreddits had taught him. People like you didn’t actually have interests beyond the attention and dick it got them. Plus that manga was pretty popular anyway, you probably didn’t even read it, just thought the line was funny or made you sound quirky. That had to be why you felt the need to drop it in your first texts. 

“What do you think?” you asked, making good on your new habit of startling the hell out of him. 

Tomura blinked, gaze instinctively turning to you but the blatant way you stared made his mouth turn to sand paper, so he looked resolutely back at the color-coded bullet points on the screen. 

“Look’s fine,” he mumbled. 

The more he glanced over it, the more it actually did look fine. A bit more than fine, really, which pissed him off even more. The little choose-your-own debate style story was not a terrible way to make fucking Whatever Swift interesting and it kinda looked like you’d bothered to google some simple coding which gave him a better idea of what you were looking for. 

It was...good. 

And that so fucking annoying. 

Well, he wasn’t sure if annoying was the right word for it, but the proposal coupled with your apparent lack of disgust at working with him made his face hot and that only ever happened otherwise when his roommate left the dishes out for weeks or when some newb on his server fucked up their raids. 

Then, you had the audacity to plop down in the chair next to him and— 

“You can tell me to fuck off if you want,” you began, shuffling in the chair to cross your legs on the cushion, “but I was hoping you’d be willing to show me how you do some of the coding stuff? I tried on my own, but I have literally no clue what I’m doing.” 

He could smell you again, like the whole fucking health and beauty aisle at the grocery store. When he turned his head a bit to look at you around the curtain of his hair, you were crooked—back against the armrest and facing him. 

“Why do you want to know?” he asked, sounding a bit less rude than he would have liked to. 

You just fucking stared right at him though, didn’t wrinkle your nose at how greasy his roots were or how he was wearing the same hoodies as yesterday. 

“I’ve always been interested in it, but my program is kinda stressful and I don’t have much free time so I never learned,” you offered and for once Tomura found he didn’t feel his skin crawl under your unwavering gaze. 

The dry, cracked area around his eyes burned though as sweat beaded on his forehead and he quickly wiped at his face with a loose sweatshirt sleeve. The garment hung off his shoulders, bought a size too big that he never ended up growing into. 

“What’s your major?” 

He found the words slipped easily from him. It was the quintessential question you asked of anyone in college when you met, but he’d never been interested in the answer before. 

You babbled a bit about your specific area of study and your voice was surprisingly not as infuriating as he remembered it being before. It was softer, he thought, than when you were soapboxing in class about the sexist implications of old as fuck poetry—it had a less grating quality and was almost pleasing to the ear. 

Or Tomura would have said that if he thought you deserved the compliment. 

But, obviously you didn’t. 

So he didn’t. 

He just pretended to care about what you were saying and didn’t hang onto every word at all. Actually he was more enraptured in the way your lips moved when you talked. You used your hands a lot too, but his eyes were ensnared on the way your mouth quirked and dipped, at the occasional flash of your tongue between strong teeth. When he leaned in a bit, he could smell your breath too: fruity gum and the remnants of whatever you were always drinking in that loud as fuck cup. He wondered now what exactly it was, so he could buy it and get a better idea of what you mouth might taste—

Nope. 

No, see this was exactly what he wasn’t supposed to be thinking about. How were you doing this to him? What a fucking slut. 

Tomura steeled his nerves as you started explaining the extracurriculars you did on the side. 

“My roommate freshman year actually started a gaming club and so I’ve gotten more into that over the years,” you explained, pointing at the stickers on your laptop case. 

“Are you talking about The League?” 

“Yeah, I didn’t know if you’d heard of it,” you shrugged.  

He knew of the gaming club on campus. He’d thought about joining when he enrolled but the allure of anonymity online gaming provided was too strong. Plus his discord server didn’t have annoying weekly meetings. 

The thought of you, up late and illuminated by the blue light of a tv screen, tucked away in one of the basement rooms in the media building was...strange. It also prompted an array of new images—you in those fucking cat ear headsets, seated in his lap as he trashed you in Mario Kart which was even stranger. 

Tomura had to physically shake his head to dislodge the thought. 

“Uh, we should probably work on this right?” he cringed at the way his voice cracked compared to your own, smooth tone. 

You should narrate those fucking sleepy time mediation things. His roommate used to hide wireless speakers in his room and blast those when Tomura stayed up too late. It was annoying as shit then, but if it was you talking, he probably wouldn’t have minded so much. 

Or no, no he would definitely mind. 

Yes. It would have been worse if anything. 

“Oh shit, you right. It’s been like two hours.” 

He glanced down at his laptop and saw that it had, indeed, been two hours since he got there. He’d willingly spoken to you for two goddamn hours. It felt like no time had passed at all, but the sun was definitely setting, the overhead fluorescent bulbs taking over as the main light source in the room. 

Weird. 

So you settled back in your chair, typing away like you always did, but the sound wasn’t nearly as frustrating as before. Occasionally, you’d glance over his shoulder and ask questions about what he was working on, but mostly the two of you settled into a comfortable silence. 

This pattern continued for the next few weeks. As the weather warmed, you began to show a bit more skin. He never worked up the nerve to comment on the thick expanse of bare thigh that tapered off nicely into your calf, or the curve of your arms not hidden behind knit sweaters—hell even your fucking shoulders were hard not to look at. 

Maybe all those high school dress codes weren’t actually so full of shit after all. Cause he was definitely distracted by the way your neck swooped into the exposed skin of your shoulder and down your back on more than one occasion.

Did all girls know that? Was it some kind of massive conspiracy to crumble the patriarchy or some crap to go flashing bare shoulders everywhere? 

Regardless if you really were trying to hypnotize him into liking you, Tomura stayed resolutely in his monochrome, long sleeved attire, and if you noticed the behavior you never said a word. 

Never said a word about his allergy ridden skin, peeling lips or scarred throat. Never commented on his terrible posture or said his eyes were creepy. Even when he’d occasionally toss a negative remark your way, you never retaliated maliciously. Just brushed him off with a jovial ‘don��t be a dick’ and a playful, but hard slap to his chest or the back of his head. 

The two of you always met in the same, secluded room on the third floor. You’d talk with him in class sometimes or shoot him texts about random bits of inspiration or a late night game memes, but for the most part, your conversations were confined to that room. He found he preferred the study room ‘you’ best. You weren’t as stiff. There was more of a solidity to you, like he’d seen when you told off that Kai bastard. 

It...grew on him. 

He was irrationally anxious that there would be a time when you couldn’t secure this particular room—with it’s big monitor and comfy chairs and less annoying ‘you’—but he’d been reassured after your third work session. 

Someone had knocked softly at the thick, wooden door and a head of wild, bright pink hair peaked around the crack. 

“Sup bro,” the intruder quipped, as they stepped fully into the room. 

“Hey, Spinner,” you mumbled back, looking up momentarily from the essay portion of your presentation before going back to typing. 

Spinner had seemed to notice him at that point and offered a small wave in his direction. “Oh hey, sorry, thought you were alone,” he said quickly. 

“Nah, this is Tomura,” you said, glancing up again and jerking your thumb in his direction. 

Tomura nodded and tugged at his hoodie strings to stop from scratching under the newcomer’s gaze. He’d gotten used to you, but other people still made him a bit nervous. 

“Nice to meet you,” Spinner had a nice smile, bright and flashy when he spoke. He leaned against the door and crossed his arms, looking around the room. “You got the nice one, huh. How’d you manage that?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” you half closed your laptop and stretched a bit. “Jin was working the front desk, so I’ve just been bribing him with vending machine snacks.” 

“He hasn’t gotten himself fired yet?” Spinner laughed incredulously, but not unkindly. 

“Surprisingly not, but he’s completely corrupt now,” you were picking at the cuticle of your thumb and Tomura fixated on the way the skin split off at the nail. Just like his. “A couple packs of chips and a Monster and I get the most bitchin study room whenever I want.” 

“Damn,” Spinner chuckled again and Tomura really wished that he’d leave already. He was beginning to feel himself fading into the upholstery as the conversation left him in the dust. The divergence of your attention away from him or the project was even more annoying that you were. “Well, are you coming to The League meeting tonight? We’re busting out a Smash tournament.” 

“That’s tonight?” you asked, eyes perking up but sliding subtly in Tomura’s direction. “Sorry, I think Tomura and I are gonna be working on this project for a while longer and I’m kinda burnt out. But next time, yeah?”

Spinner rolled his eyes but nodded and kicked off the wall. “That’s not very sexy of you,” he chided and waved a hand in parting. “Gonna work yourself directly into the fucking grave.” 

“Jokes on you, I welcome death.” 

You buried yourself in the screen again and Tomura actually felt a bit grateful for you ending the conversation before he got too painfully awkward. 

But Spinner stopped before he left, looking Tomura up and down from the frayed strings of his black hoodie to the tips of his worn red sneakers. 

“Nice to meet you, man,” he said with a wide grin. “Feel free to tag along next time if you want, we always need more players.” 

The door clicked softly shut behind him and Tomura relaxed back into the silence.

He did end up tagging along—though he spent most of the time hanging off your heels like a lost puppy—to the next meeting of your gaming club and the one after that. Frustratingly enough, he learned that your interests did also extend into skills as you almost bested him in a few rounds Smash. Your profile, lit only by the flashing screen lights, was even more striking outside of his imagined imitations. 

So much so that it found its way into his head late at night when he was too tired to log onto his server. So much so that it had his cock growing firm and tenting his grey sweats without even the visual aid of his go to porn clips. So much so that sometimes, he felt inclined to do something about the throbbing between his legs. So much so that he thought about the way you picked the skin by your fingers. How it looked like his. How your hand might feel like his but softer. Smoother around the edges. With your sweet voice whispering in his ear, making him whine and pant and spill white ropes of release onto his stomach. 

But it was only because you were hot. 

And you were practically begging for him to jack off to the thought of you with those outfits and liking all the shit he liked and noticing when he shrunk away from conversations or including him in them when he started to feel that awful sense of fading into the background. 

Yeah. 

Everybody jerks it sometimes to their group project partners if their ass is nice enough. 

Right?

[jawabear]

I have no idea if requests are open, so feel free to ignore!

Javier x reader, enemies to lovers with an injured and quietly scared reader?

Not impossible (Javier Peña x Reader)

Not my GIF

A/N: Hey! I’m sorry this took so long anon! I’ve had a lot of stuff to do outside of writing with sucks but I’m slowly working my way through my other requests so hopefully it won’t be too long before they’re up as well! Thank you for being patient with me. Also, I’m not very good at writing the whole enemies to lovers trope so this is about as good at that gets... but I hope it’s good enough for you. Enjoy. Sorry for any mistakes. Stay safe.

Genre: Angst, fluff

Warnings: Fem!reader, mentions of injury, mentions of blood, Javi is a struggling man, hospitals, Steve being a smart ass, my terrible writing

Summary: In his job, Javier gets proven wrong about a lot of things he though impossible, and he’s about to get proven wrong again

“You’re a real fucking piece of work, you know that?”

“Oh, and you’re not?” She retorted as she pushed him out the way. “Why do you have to be such a dick all the time, Peña?” She muttered under her breath as she began pressing the buttons on the copier.

“I could as you the same thing” he said, folding his arms over his chest as he watch her take her sweet time, intending to piss him off. And it was working. “Could you be any slower? Other people have work to do as well you know?”

“Oh sweetheart, I’m sure the girls will be happy to wait for you a little while longer” she taunted giving him a sweet smile. This only angered him further, more many reasons. But the main one being he hated that that was how she thought of him. But he had only himself to blame for his reputation.

The copier beeped a few times and she pulled out the few sheets of paper there was. “There, happy now?” She said before walking past him, purposely bumping her shoulder against his.

“Very” he muttered as he went about doing his own work, but his eyes wandered over to her, watching as she walked away. Watching the way her hips swayed slightly with every step. How her hair bounce to. And how she always walked with such purpose.

He knew he was in deep for her, but it was clear she didn’t feel the same.

He didn’t exactly know why they had the relationship they did, but ever since she started working for the DEA, they had just clashed. They had never seen eyes to eye and disagreed on just about everything. The only thing the did agree on being that they didn’t get on. And every agent new it. They didn’t exactly try to hide their distaste for each other. They made it very obvious.

This lead to obvious speculation about the true nature of their relationship. It came down to the classic “they’re only mean because they like you” sort of idea. Every other agent was convinced that they were actually together. And with relationships between agents being pretty much forbidden, they all seemed to come to the same conclusion that they were in face horrible to each other as an excuse to spend more time with each other and not let on that they were in face dating.

But this wasn’t the case. Unfortunately. They’re weren’t dating. Much to Javier’s dismay.

“You still with us?” Came a voice from beside him pulling him from his thoughts.

Javi looked and saw Steve standing beside him “yeah..” Javi said, clearing his throat and collecting his copies.

“What took you so far away?” Steve teased as he followed after his partner back to their desks. Javi just huffed in response, he never gave Steve a straight answer to questions lien that. He knew that what ever he answered he would just pester him about the same thing over and over again “it was (Y/N) again, wasn’t it”

For fuck sake.

“No Steve” Javi lied “it was about going home to get away from this shit”

“Well, to add more shit to the pile, Messina wants to see you”

“When?”

“Now”

“What the fuck for?” Javi sighed rubbing his forehead.

“Didn’t say. But it doesn’t look like you’re going to be alone for whatever it is” Steve nodded his head over to Messina’s office. Javier turned around and saw (Y/N) walking in. Javi only sighed again and pushed himself away from his desk and took his time walking up to Messina’s office.

-

“Me and...(Y/N)? Ma’am, all due respect-“

“Messina” she corrected for what seemed like the hundredth time “or boss. And are you questioning my decision?”

“W-Yeah actually I am. I don’t think sending me and (Y/N) out into live fire is a good idea”

“You two are DEA agents. Not children. You are both going on this mission whether you like it or not, and I expect the two of you to behave appropriately and professionally” Messina looked between the two of the, (Y/N) being all too quiet beside Javi. “Is that understood?”

“Yes, boss” (Y/N) nodded, those were the first words she had spoke in a while. She shot her eye over to Javi who had no choice but to agree.

“Yeah, fine...” he mumbled.

“Good, I expect you on site with in the hour. And be careful both of you. Look out for each other” Messina told them as she handed (Y/N) a file with the location and target.

(Y/N) nodded her head, taking the file and leaving, Javi following close behind trying to get a look at the file. She held the file up to him and he took it from her. “You only had to ask” she muttered. They both found themselves standing in her office, she walked around to her desk and pulled her gun out of her drawer while Javi stood in the doorway looking through the file.

“You can’t kill” he told her quietly, his eyes not leaving the page with the target on. This was a murder mission. And he knew she couldn’t kill anyone, even if it was for the sake of the job.

“But you can...” she said.

“You make it sound as if I enjoy it” he scoffed “as if it’s easy...”

“I know it’s not easy Javier. If it was, everyone would do it. But it takes a whole lot of bravery and courage to pull the trigger and end someone’s life, regardless of who they are. You are braver and more courageous than I could ever be”

He let out a light laugh and lifted his head to look at her “(Y/N), that almost sounded like a compliment”

A hint of a smile ghosted over her perfect lips as she averted her gaze from his back down to her gun “yeah well...don’t let it get to your head. I need it clear if we’re both going to make it out alive”

“Eso es frío” (that’s cold) he chuckled with the shake of his head.

“You know I can speak Spanish right?” She told him.

“Since when?” He asked a little shocked, but now questioning himself as to whether he’s ever let slip his feelings for her in his native tongue or not. She hadn’t ever said anything.

“Since always. So, whilst you can probably talk about Steve behind his back, you’re going to have to try harder do to it with me” she said before walking past him.

“Eres algo más” (you are something else) Javier muttered.

“Lo sé, pero tú también” (I know, But so are you) she called back to him.

Well, if he wasn’t already head over heels for her, her definitely was now.

-

She examined the room, her gun held steadily in front of her as she looked, but it was empty. There was no one there. She lowered her gun and reached for her radio, holding down the button “there’s no one here Javi” she said.

“There has to be” Javi’s voice came through, it wasn’t the clearest audio but she knew what he was saying. “Where are you?”

“Upstairs in the-“ she didn’t get a chance to finish before she heard a creek in the floor boards beside her. She looked and saw their target emerging from a cut in the walls, gun raised and pointing straight towards her.

(Y/N) reached for her gun but it was all too late for that. She somehow managed to manoeuvre herself so that the bullet didn’t go through her head, but she wasn’t quick enough to dodge it completely.

Her leg seemed to just...stop. She fell to the floor crying out in pain as like a wounded animal. The bullet was hot as it imbedded itself into her thigh. The gun had dropped from her hands and fallen to the floor. Her hands were of better use holding her thigh she thought.

The guy was shot dead and Javi quickly appeared in the room, but she could barely make him out through her tears. In all her time as a field agent, she never thought she’d ever get shot. She was too focused, but it seemed this time, her feelings for Javier got in the way.

“Fucking hell (Y/N)!” Javier yelled as he raced to her side, his gun too being forgotten on the floor next to hers.

“Javi...I-It hurts” she sobbed.

“I know baby” he whispered. She didn’t really take much notice of the name, nor did he. There were more pressing matters at hand that his slip of the tongue. He reached around her to the back pocket of her vest, knowing she would have a bandage of some kind in there. He smiled a little to himself as he pulled it out. “Hold still for me (Y/N)” he said gently as he moved her hands from her leg.

“D-Don’t touch it” she sniffed.

“I’m not gonna touch it. But I need to wrap it so you don’t bleed out” Javi carefully began wrapping the bandage around her wound tightly. She let out quiet whimpers of pain for which he apologised.

“Can you stand?” He asked when he had finished wrapping her wound.

“I-I think so..” he took her hands and helped her get to her feet but her leg gave out again sending her into his chest. His arms instantly wrapped around her to make sure she didn’t fall back to the floor.

“I’m sorry..” she whispered as she tried to stand again.

“It’s fine” he whispered before lifting her into his arms bridal style. She didn’t really have the strength to protest, and she didn’t want to either. It felt nice to be held in his strong arms.

Javi took it upon himself to bring her to his car and drive her as quickly as he could to the hospital. She struggled to keep her eyes open but he kept talking to her and holding her hand as often as possible to keep her mind active to insure she didn’t pass out on him. “Stay awake for me (Y/N). You’re going to be okay”

-

Javier sat outside her hospital room, his head in his hands and his leg bouncing nervously. He hadn’t moved from that chair since he first sat down in it about three hours ago. He was too scared to leave. Scared the nurse would come out and he wouldn’t be there. Or (as unlikely as this was) (Y/N) would ask for him and he wouldn’t be able to see her.

He was far too stressed out to do anything. And he was too scared to move.

“Javi!” Steve called to him as he jogged down the hallway towards him. Javi looked up at his partner but didn’t have the energy to actually respond with words. “How is she?” Steve asked when he stopped in front of his friend.

“Alive...at least” Javier muttered “they’re uh..running some tests. Want to make sure she doesn’t have an infection or anything. My attempt at patching her up was shit and wasn’t enough to stop the bleeding...”

“Fuck man” Steve said as he sat beside Javi “I’m sorry this shit happened. Did you get the bastard who did it?”

Javi just nodded and lowered his head rubbing his hands together. “Hey, just think, it could’ve been a whole lot worse” Steve tried to offer him some comfort but he didn’t really know what to say.

“It could’ve been a whole lot better” Javi retorted.

Steve didn’t get a chance to say anything else before the door to (Y/N)’s hospital room was opened and a nurse emerged. Javi and Steve immediately stood catching her attention.

She gave a gentle smile to them “Ella está bien para tener visitas. Pero ella puede desvanecerse dentro y fuera de la consciouncia” (she’s okay to have visitors. But she may fade in and out of consciousness) she told them quietly. Steve didn’t get a lot of what she was saying, something about ‘she’s okay’ and ‘conscious’.

“Gracias” Javi nodded to her. She smiled again before leaving them.

“I didn’t get a lot of that” Steve admitted.

“She’s okay. But she’ll probably fall in and out of sleep if we go in there” Javi translated for him. “Do you want to go in first?” He asked pointing his thumb at the door.

“No, you go in first. She’ll be happier to see you than she will me” Steve said patting Javi on the shoulder.

“She hates me...” Javi mumbled.

“Yeah, sure she does” Steve nodded a long, a knowing look on his face “I’ll go tell the boss. Take your time in there” Javi couldn’t reply before Steve was walking away leaving him alone.

He looked towards the door and hesitantly reached out for the handle before pushing it down and opening the door.

She was awake when he walked in. Staring out of the window on the opposite side of the room. Her fingers scraping anxiously against the blanket that was draped over her. He drew in a sharp breath before walking into the room, closing the door behind him. He didn’t say anything to her at first he knew she was aware of his presence.

Javi sat in the chair beside her bed. She was facing away from him and he didn’t know what to say to her. Anything he did say probably wouldn’t mean much to her. Anything he wanted to say wouldn’t mean anything either.

So for a while they sat in silence. The only other sounds were the quiet shuffling and muffled noises from outside the room and the annoying but somewhat comforting beeping of the heart monitor she was attached to.

Javier’s eyes trailed up and down her body. Her leg was slight elevated and wrapped up in a few layers of bandage. A wire attached to her arm. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like any of what he was seeing. But he was glad she was alive. But he knew she wasn’t okay.

“What’s wrong with me Javier?” She asked quietly. Her voice and question startling him slightly.

“You were shot (Y/N). They’re just running some tests to see if you have an infection-“ He answered but she cut him off before he could completely finish.

“That’s not what I mean” she said turning her head, their eyes meeting and he hated the sadness and pain he saw within them. “What’s wrong with me?” She asked again.

Javi didn’t answer for a moment. He was trying to pull his thoughts together, he wanted to give her the honest answer but he didn’t think now was the time for him to confess his love for her.

“You’re human (Y/N)” he told her quietly. Javi hesitantly reached out and took her small cold hand in his larger, warmer ones “No one can expect you to force yourself to do things as drastic as taking a life”

“That’s my job Javi” she laughed weakly “What kind of DEA agent am I if I can’t even do my job?”

“You’re one of the best agents we have. These things happen (Y/N), don’t beat yourself up over it” he told her.

“They don’t happen to you...” she said. “These things don’t happen to you Javi”

“No” he agreed “far worse things happen to me. I have a far worse pain to deal with”

“What’s that?”

“I have to watch the ones I care about get hurt or killed. And all I can do is stand idly by and watch...wishing it was me instead...”

Her bottom lip began to tremble as she watch a look of sadness wash over his face. She tried to squeeze his hand in reassurance but she was too tired and too weak. But he must’ve felt something because he looked to their joined hands a smiled a little. “Javi...” she sighed quietly. “I don’t want it to be you...” she told him.

He removed one hand from hers and brought it up to rest on her cheek, gently rubbing his thumb over her soft skin. She leaned into his touch and managed to squeeze his hand gently. Maybe it was just the drowsiness getting to her which was making her more affectionate towards him. But he wanted to believe it was because she liked him back, but he knew it was impossible.

The hand on her cheek brought her unbelievable warmth and comfort and it was making her sleepy. She struggled to keep her eyes open, her head falling deeper and deeper into the pillow.

“Maybe you should get some sleep” he said quietly.

“Will you stay?” Her voice was small and quiet but she couldn’t open her eyes when she asked her questions, slowly she found herself falling asleep, still holding his hands.

“If you want me to” he smiled.

She hummed “want you..to...” her voice seemed to trail off as her head rolled to the side a little more than it already was.

Javier waited a moment before he voice her name, testing to see if she was in face asleep. When she didn’t respond he came to the conclusion she was in fact asleep. He let her be, knowing she needed rest after the traumatic events of the day. But he wasn’t going to leave her.

Whilst in there, the nurses flittered in and out making sure she and he were okay. And even as the sun began to set, she show no intention of waking up. But the constant beep of the heart monitor was comfort enough for him to know she was still alive.

He rested his elbow on the bed and raised her weak hand to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to her knuckles before resting his forehead against it. “You know, I have half a mind to tell Crosby and Messina to ban your from field duty after this. To save me from having to go through this again” his voice was quiet as he spoke, he was scared of waking her but also he didn’t want her to hear what he had to say. “Fuck (Y/N). You got lucky. That could’ve been a whole lot worse. You could’ve-“

He stopped himself quickly, feeling a lump beginning to form in his throat and his eyes burning with tears “but you’re okay. That’s what I have to remember. And...and when you wake up...I’ll tell you. Tell you how I feel. Tell you I love you. And that I’m sorry I’m such an asshole to you. It’s a shitty excuse but...I’ve never felt like this about someone before and...it’s fucking scary. I guess I...I just don’t know how to...deal with it...”

She drew in a deep breath and shifted slightly making him look over to her face to see if she had woken up, but it seemed she was still completely out of it. Javi pressed another kiss to her hand, longer this time before bringing it back down to the bed. “I’ll let you rest (Y/N)” he whispered before leaning back in his chair. His eyes and hand never leaving her before he found himself drifting off to sleep as well.

When he woke up again, it was due to the light filtering through the window on the far side of the room, and also the sound of the nurse flittering about the room and checking on (Y/N) who was still asleep. Javier groaned as he attempted to stretch his arms above his head but he was hindered slightly when he noticed that their hands were still joined at her side.

“Buenos dias, Agente Peña” the nurse smiled gently over to him. Javi was a little concerned at the fact he had fallen asleep, he didn’t know what time it was. Was he late for work? And why did he suddenly care if he was?

“¿que hora es?” (What time is it?) he asked.

The nurse looked at the watch on her wrist “9:32” she told him.

He was late. Very late.

“Fuck” he swore under his breath.

“You might like to know that a man who you were with before came by to tell you not to come in to work today” she said, her English wasn’t the best but he understood what she was saying.

(Y/N) groaned from the bed catching both of their attention. Javier leaned forwards slightly and tightened his grip on her hand. “(Y/N)?” He said quietly.

“Javi...” she managed a soft smile as she slowly opened her eyes to look at him.

“How are you feeling?” He asked her.

“Happy..” she said.

“You’re the only person in the world then that has felt happy after being shot” he laughed quietly.

“No...happy because you’re here” she told him.

Her words caught him a little off guard and he looked up to the nurse but she had at some point slipped out of the room. “I think you’re still a little hazy from whatever it was they put in you”

“No Javi. I know what I’m saying. I owe you my life. You saved me”

“I’d hardly call it that...” he muttered as he looked away. She squeezed his hand tightly, proof that she was coming back to herself. “I was doing what you would do”

“I’m not just talking about yesterday” she said “I’m talking about every day before that...I know that...we have a strange relationship...but...just having you in my life...it gives me a reason to go on”

“What are you talking about (Y/N)?”

“I’m...I like you Javi. A lot. And I didn’t ever saying anything because...well you never exactly made it easy” she laughed “but I...you probably don’t do relationships but...” she didn’t finish her words. She turned her head to look away from him and pulled her hand from his. She felt like an idiot in confessing to him. She knew it was impossible that he would like her back. He hated her.

But he didn’t.

“(Y/N)” he whispered as he reached over to press his hand against her cheek to turn her head to face him again.

“I’m sorry” she apologised.

“For what?”

“I feel like I’ve now...made things even worse between us...”

“Hey, I may be an asshole but I am capable of feelings. And I like you too”

“Y-You do?” She spoke in barely a whisper, she was a little too shocked by his words. He nodded to her. Her face broke out into a bright smile and reached over to take his face in her hands pulling him closer and pressing her lips to his. She wasn’t quite in control of her actions but that didn’t stop her from continuing. And he didn’t hesitate in kissing her back.

“And it’s about time too” came a voice from the doorway making them both jump away from each other. They looked over to the door to see Steve standing there looking all to proud of himself. “About time you two got together. It’s a real pain in my ass trying to be the middle ground between you. And it will also settle the chatter around the office”

“Do you know how to knock?” Javi asked.

“Yeah” Steve nodded.

“Then go out and try it” Javier pointed to the door and Steve laughed and left the room, closing the door behind him, but there was no knock that followed.

“It seems like we’ve apparently made a lot of people happy” he chuckled. She nodded and gave him a gentle smile.

“Are you happy?” She asked him quietly.

“Beyond happy”

18/01/21

Taglist: @linkpk88 @phoenixhalliwell @lunaserenade @harrys-stan (let me know if you want to be added or removed from the list)

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

whumptober day 10: crying

slightly more straightforward h/c this time!

summary: set after the ric grayson/joker war arc in nightwing. 

dick’s been missing for two months. jason finds him first, but it’s just the first step in finding how very, very lost dick really is.

warnings: SPOILERS for the aforementioned nightwing arcs. plentiful cursing. moderately graphic descriptions of injuries.

crying

The last time Jason received a family-wide SOS to help them rescue Dick, the guy was a twice-brainwashed mess whose brain was being pulled in opposite directions by the Court of Owls and the fucking Joker, and that was after said brain had been shattered by a fucking sniper’s bullet. (And a period of being left to fend for himself with a broken brain in between, but Jason doesn’t really like to think about that.) This time, he doesn’t know quite what to expect. He can’t imagine things have gotten even worse than the last go-around, but then again, Jason knows from personal experience that there’s no end to the list of ‘things that are worse than dying’.

Besides, the alert came from Babs. And, in quick succession, Tim, Bruce, Duke, and Cass. If nothing else, Jason is curious.

Dick disappeared from Bludhaven about two months ago. The reason the oh-so-precise Bats have the word ‘about’ in that statement is because nobody can really pinpoint the exact date it happened. Donna can recall dropping by his place ten weeks ago. Tim maybe exchanged a few emails or text messages a few weeks ago but didn’t really get alarmed about Dick not responding to his messages until the radio silence stretched for over a month. Bruce had his trackers on (that bastard) but Dick hates them and is known to destroy the ones he finds. And they can’t even really depend on reports of Nightwing sightings in the city because having his brain knocked around and pulled apart like taffy means Dick takes regular holidays from patrols if he’s not feeling particularly steady that day. (Look what being sensible and having a smidgeon of a sense of self-preservation got him.) And the CCTV in his apartment complex was shit, so. 

It’s almost like it was a planned thing, like he was kidnapped, but honestly it’s how things go and how they’ve gone for a very long time: they drift in their own worlds for long periods until an event brings them together, and then it’s back to being scattered across the country again (or sometimes the world, or sometimes the galaxy). Dick is more prone to this than most; he’s probably gone undercover more than any of them, and he’s lived the longest on his own as well. 

Even after the clusterfuck that was the last year and change, it’s nothing new. And if that isn’t the most fucking depressing thing that Jason’s had to think about today, it turns out that not only have the Family figured out where Dick is, but that Jason is the one that’s closest to his location. 

So here he is, shivering, on a particularly icy night on the Gotham docks, scoping out the warehouse where Dick’s supposed to be. It’s not very well-guarded, which either means there’s nothing in there and this is a massive waste of his time, or that it’s a trap and what’s waiting on the other side is a fucking bomb or something even worse. It’s not a great situation to be in either way, and Jason’s got half a mind to have Tim or even Bruce take over--but it’d take too long for them to get there and Jason’s never been fond of the idea of handing over to someone else anything that he could potentially do by himself.

Besides, like he said, he’s curious.

He crouches down at his vantage point overlooking the warehouse and presses the communicator in his ear. “Two guards in front but nothing else; the place is practically abandoned. Infrared picking up three people inside.” He shifts his weight from one foot to another, bracing, ready to spring. “I’m about to go in.”

Tim grunts. “I’ll be there in fifteen, give or take a couple.”

“Twenty,” Bruce says. Then: “Hood, you--” An uncharacteristic pause, and Jason can feel the sudden, uneasy chill across the entire comm channel. Bruce clears his throat. “Be careful. Assess the situation first. Don’t engage alone unless it’s an emergency.”

There’s a thanks for stating the obvious on the tip of Jason’s tongue, but something about the gravity of the situation, the mildest quaver in Bruce’s voice (he’s been missing for two months, god, two months) has him say, instead: “Roger that.”

Jason makes quick work of the guards in the front, leaving them in unconscious heaps on the ground before he creeps in. They’d hardly put up a fight, which just makes Jason’s stomach twist in anxious knots. The anxiety is made worse by the complete lack of resistance when he’s actually inside: there are only two huge, cavernous rooms, and one of them has two of the three people that he’d detected. They scatter as soon as they see him and Jason considers chasing, but now his nerves are stretched so taut that he thinks he’s going to vomit if he doesn’t see Dick now--

The night-vision on Jason’s helmet catches a figure sitting, slumped, in the corner of the room. A chain connects a manacle around its ankle to the wall, and another between the same wall and… a collar around its neck. Jason’s blood is already boiling before he steps closer and recognises the figure as Dick. His hair is long and shabby, having grown past his chin, curtaining his face. He’s shirtless but wearing ripped, stained jeans. His hands are cuffed in front of him, the thin metal biting into his wrists enough to leave his hands puffy and slightly purple from the lack of effective circulation. He looks considerably thinner--Jason can just about count the ribs under his skin--and every visible part of his torso is painted in bruises in various stages of healing. And--

--and he’s breathing.

Well, thank fuck. That’s a start.

Jason crouches in front of Dick and presses his comm again. “Found N. Little worse for wear, but alive and safe.”

He ignores the immediate clamour of questions from the others to focus on trying to get Dick awake. He brushes Dick’s hair aside and gently lifts his chin to have a look at his eyes. 

Dick smiles at him. “Hey.”

Jason is beset by an onslaught of emotion that’s part relief, part incredulity and part anger, so much so that he thinks he’s going to fucking burst with the pressure of it. Of course that would be the first thing out of Dick’s mouth--hey--like he’s meeting Jason for cocktails after work instead of being rescued after two months of captivity and torture! Well he can take that hey and shove it right up his fucking--

“Is there anything else here we need to worry about,” Jason says, busying himself with picking the locks on Dick’s manacles so that he doesn’t snap and say something he’ll regret.

Dick shakes his head. He’s got a shaggy beard going and he stinks of sweat and urine and filth, but there’s a sense of… togetherness to him, like he’d always known that Jason was going to show up at this exact minute and that had always been part of his plan. “They scattered as soon as they got word that you guys were coming,” he says, voice thin and raspy. “I guess not enough of them were curious to stick around to find out why so many capes would be coming for me.”

Jason pops the manacles and collar loose and goes to work on the cuffs. “So you weren’t taken as Nightwing.”

Dick sighs, then winces as the motion pulls on the gigantic bruise around his neck. “I wasn’t taken as Dick Grayson, either.”

The cuffs come off with a click. Jason stares at him. “So… what, you were just some poor mug they picked up off the streets to… torture for shits and giggles?”

Dick is silent for a moment. His eyes flick to a point behind Jason and back again. “They knew me as Ric.”

It takes a moment for the name to click in Jason’s brain, but he finally remembers that it was what Dick called himself during his brain-injured year in Bludhaven. “Why would Ric have enemies?” he says, without thinking.

There’s that smile on Dick’s face again, but this time it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Ric did have a life, Jason. And friends. And… enemies.” He begins to move, bare feet shifting against the floor and shifting his weight onto his hands as if he’s trying to figure out a way to stand up, but barely manages an inch of elevation before he runs out of energy, breathing heavily. “Ric--I used to fight. Street fights. Involved a lot more money and people than I remembered, and… apparently a lot of people felt betrayed when I just up and left the city one day. I’ve been fighting matches here almost every day.” A sudden, sharp grin. “I haven’t lost yet.”

Jason--stops. Utterly freezes, hands midway to helping Dick sit upright, because there’s something terribly, terribly wrong here. “Why didn’t you ever try to escape? And how--I mean, in the first place--”

How did you even get caught?

To Jason’s horror, tears start rolling down Dick’s face. His expression doesn’t really change, so Jason’s not sure that Dick’s even aware that he’s crying, but right now Jason is already halfway to being mortified. “I was on my way back from the gym,” Dick says finally, “and I think I--I blacked out. It happens sometimes.” Dick gives a wet laugh. “Talk about bad timing.”

“And--and what, you blacked out for two months?”

At this Dick’s face crumples, and suddenly Jason gets it: this is a man pushed and pushed to the end of his rope and beyond, utterly exhausted, past the point of caring who knows about it or why. “I guess…” Dick swallows. “I didn’t really see the difference. Between--between here and out there.”

Jason wants to scream, shake his shoulders--a shameful part of him even wants to hit Dick--and tell him that of course it was different outside of this stupid, dank warehouse: he has friends and family and a lifetime of experience to support him while he flies free. It’s ridiculous to even compare the two, and Jason is ready to put these words down to the effects of too much pain and too little food.

Except--

(plucked you right out of one life and stuffed you into another, didn’t they? treated you like a puppet without a past and a future, didn’t they? didn’t let you entertain the idea of a different life even for a minute, did they? punished you for straying, reminded you there was just too much at stake, and that those stakes were always, always bigger than you or your health or your happiness or your future--)

“Dick, I--” Jason really doesn’t know what to say. Tim says, “ETA five” in his ear while Bruce says, “Right behind you, Robin” and Jason knows, just knows, that this isn’t how they would want to see Dick, and more importantly, this isn’t how Dick would want them to see him.

He gathers Dick in his arms and presses him to his chest. Dick freezes for a second, surprised, then melts into his embrace. His shoulders shake, hands coming up to weakly grasp at Jason’s jacket. The sobs reach a crescendo quickly, a pathetic keening muffled into Jason’s chest, before tapering away and Dick is still, just… breathing. 

Jason breathes with him.

That’s how Tim and Bruce find them a couple of minutes later. Dick peels away and somehow musters the energy to reassure them. Bruce helps him up and carries him to the car while Jason follows; just as Dick’s lowered into the backseat his hand shoots out, grasping Jason’s arm in a silent plea. 

Jason gets in with him. Neither he nor Bruce say anything through the whole drive at the tears that continue to pour down Dick’s face, but Jason doesn’t let go of his hand for the whole ride.

[retroellie]

hi!! could i request ellie imagine/headcanon (whatever you want) where her and the reader used to be best friends but got separated for years until they reunite? like maybe the reader shows up in jackson

Summary: Reuniting with Ellie after being separated for 5 years 

A/N: Thanks for the request<3 I had this planned out so well but i got lazy lol, i hope you enjoyed and i added a bit of romance in it cause i’m a whore for this woman wbk (also again i didn’t proof read much so sorry) 

Warnings: None

Word count: 3.1k

You weren’t exactly sure where you were, all you knew was there was a town in front of you. Were they friendly? You had no fucking idea but you were exhausted, bloodied and bruised. This could just be a quick rest stop, you had nowhere to be and no one to see so it didn’t really matter much. 

“Stop right there!” a voice called out. 

“Hey! I’m not here to hurt anyone, I'm just a bit lost and I was hoping i could rest here.” You raised your hands in the air hoping they would just let you sit in peace for a minute. 

The man looked you up and down, trying to see if your intentions were good or not. He then whispered down to another man before turning back to you. You were silently praying he let you stay here, you just needed a couple hours.

“Okay, take her to Maria. You can leave your stuff over here.” He said, throwing a signal up. A signal that caused the door to open. 

You gave a small smirk of appreciation, so glad they let you in. They led you through the town, you saw how developed and advanced they were. There was running water, food gardens and even electricity. You’ve been around and you’ve never seen anything like this. 

They led you into a bar. There was actual food, not just beans that you have been eating for weeks straight. Your mouth was almost watering when you saw the meat and fresh fruits they had been serving. 

“Maria, we got a friendly or we think she is.” The man said. 

The woman, or Maria, was a tall blonde. She looked no more than 40, if her hair wasn’t greying you’d say she was in her early 30′s. She looked over at the 2 men and then at you, examining you. 

“You take her weapons?” She asked, sizing you up. You looked awkwardly between her and the men, her stare terrified you more than any infected out there. 

“Yeah, she’s clean.” The man replied. 

“Good, i don’t want to have to put a bullet in between your eyes.” She said, your mouth went dry. 

She signaled the men to leave and you wanted to go with them, you’ve been in rooms with men much bigger than her and so much more bossier but she terrified the hell out of you. She patted the seat next to her, not even looking over at you. 

“You look starved. Seth, get me something for this girl to eat.” She called out, she looked up at you. You tried not to make eye contact. “ What brings you out here.” She leaned closer to you. 

“Uh, I was out searching for supplies when some hunters attacked me. They killed my horse and stole some of my supplies, I chased after them but I ended up getting lost.” You explained, she sat there and listened. 

A man had brought you food, it was a burger and some fresh carrots. Not a combination you would go for but it didn’t matter, you were starved and you 're not gonna complain. You basically stuffed your mouth full of food, causing Maria to chuckled. 

“Well you're safe now, you can stay here as long as you need. Just don’t cause any trouble and we’ll be good.” She started, standing up from the table. “I’ll have someone come show you where you can rest when you get done eating.” She said, giving you a grin. 

“Thank you maria, you’ve been so kind to me.” You smirked up at her, mouth full of carrots. 

She shook her head and laughed, walking away. You continued to stuff your mouth with food, not caring if you were being impolite. They’ll understand, they’ve all probably been in your situation before. 

When your plate was empty, you decided to stay there for a minute. Waiting for the person that Maria sent to you. You looked at all the pretty paintings they had here, pictures of nature and horse, even some photographs of the people of the town. 

“I just don’t understand why they didn’t just kill her right then. It would’ve saved them the burden of making 2 more movies.” A voice stuck out to you, it sounded like you heard it before. 

You looked over past everyone and saw no one familiar, you did see a girl with auburn hair but that can’t be her, right? You saw her get bit, it couldn’t be. You just turned around, sitting back in your seat. 

“Oh hey, can i get a glass of water.” You said, perking up to ask the man who had given you the food. 

He gave you a small nod before disappearing into the back. You could really use a glass of wine or whiskey, but you didn’t want to be greedy. You sat back once more, your eyes feeling really heavy. This would be a nice place to live, it’s nice and cozy. 

“Ellie, it was the 80′s. They tried to drag out movies as long as they could.” A deeper voice said. 

That name, you thought to yourself before snapping your head back to look for the voice. You knew it wasn’t her, she was dead but you had to know who the hell this woman was. You looked at the auburn haired girl once again, trying to get a glimpse of her face. 

You watched her closely, studying her movements. She finally turned her head towards the bar, you saw half of her face. She had these freckles and you got a glimpse of her green eyes in the light of the bar. You sunk down in your seat, were you going crazy or is that her. 

“are you okay?” A voice said, you looked up to see the man with your water. You nodded. 

“Do you see that girl over there?” You asked, he looked over to where you pointed and he nodded. “Who is she?” 

“That is Ellie Williams, i don’t know much more than that.” The man said, leaving you once again. 

Your heart speeds up, pounding at an unbelievable pace. Was it really her? Should you go up to her? What would you even say? ‘hey sorry for leaving you and Riley to die, do you still wanna be friends?’ 

You sunk lower into your seat, hoping she didn’t see you. Every time you think of her, you see the way she did when she got bit or when she thought she got bit, or if she did get bit and somehow survived. You honestly have no fucking idea how she survived, you saw her get bit. 

You had a mental battle with yourself but you came to a conclusion, you were gonna talk to her. You felt so guilty about leaving them so if she beat you up or killed you it would make you somewhat even right? 

You slid out of the booth and walked over to her slowly, watching her and the man she was with talk about whatever they were talking about. Every step made your heartbeat a little more faster, ‘if she beats you up, you deserve it.’ you thought to yourself. 

There she was standing right in front of you, the man that was with her stared up at you confused about why you were hovering over her. You let out a sigh before you shaky tapped her. She turned around, you saw her full face and you couldn’t believe it was actually her. 

“Y/N?” She asked, letting a huge grin show before pulling you into a hug. 

You were so confused, why wasn’t she beating you up... you left her to die. You decided to hug back, feeling the warm familiar feeling of her embrace. All the memories of your childhoods together and little did you know 5 years later she would be a stranger to you. She let you go, still holding on to your arms. She looked at you up and down, seeing everything she missed for 5 years. 

“Why are you here??” She asked, still smiling 

“Uhh, I was attacked and I need a place to stay. so i stumbled on this place.” You replied, giving her a small smile. 

“Well,  you can stay here as long as you want. Your always welcomed here.” She grinded 

You were really happy to see her. You hadn’t been around other humans in a while so being here with your best friend, being safe again gave you such a rush. You had so many questions to ask her and you're sure she had some too.

“I thought you died?” You blurted out. She just let a low chuckled out and looked at her feet. 

“I thought you did too, i heard you got kicked out because of that entire “adventure” we had that day.” She started. “ i thought for sure you would have died out there.” 

That was a time you didn’t want to remember, you guys were just kids and they punished you like that. I guess 2 girls go infected that day, or 1 girl you guess. 

“Hey! I did pretty good out there, i’m still here aren’t i?” You joked. 

She laughed, looking over at the man she was with. He looked amused but confused, ‘you and me both man’ you thought to yourself. 

“Y/n, this is joel. He takes care of me I guess.” she said, causing him to nudge her jokingly. “And Joel, this is Y/n. She was my best friend back at that military school I was in. “ 

You reached your hand out to shake his hand, he looked down at your hand not used to shaking hands much anymore but he reached out your hand and shook it anyways. You smiled up at him, he was intimidating to say the least. 

“So you just passing through?” He asked, waiting for an answer. 

You didn’t really know honestly, this place was nice and Ellie was here so should you ask to live here or just pass through. You looked over at Ellie and then Joel, Ellie looked so happy. 

“Yeah, i was gonna stay a night here before i got back on the road.” You stated, Joel nodded and Ellie's smile dropped a bit. You knew she expected you to stay for good but that’s a really big decision to make at the moment. 

“Your staying the night!?” Ellie acted like she couldn’t believe it, causing you to laugh. “You have to stay over at my house! just like the good old days!” She was practically yelling, she didn’t change a bit. 

-

-

-

-

“You live in a garage.” You said, looking around her poster covered walls.

There were paint brushes and paint covering things. There were books upon books of space and comic books, it felt like her room back in Boston. That was the room you both stayed in when you got scared at night, she would always hold you while you shook. It’s the thing you should've done when she got bit, she was so upset. 

“You don’t like it.” She asked, plopping down on her bed. 

“No, i like it. It’s very...” You paused, picking up the rocket shaped lava lamp. “You.” You finished, setting it down. 

She laughed, shaking her head slightly. You walked over to her and plopped down on the bed with her, laying back. You watched the star covered ceiling. She laid back with you, her head right next to you. 

You both sat there in a comfortable silence, you had so much to say, you had it all planned out but now that you were here you didn’t know what to say. You thought about all the times you, her and Riley had together. You guys were always in some kind of trouble, always talking back to teachers and just being a pain in everyone’s ass.

“Remember that one time for my 14th birthday when you and Riley made this birthday cake for me.” You asked, smiling at the memory. 

“And we accidently set your bed on fire trying to light the candles.” She added, laughing out at the memory. 

You laughed with her, throwing your head back. You guys were such assholes back then, it’s so weird how things have changed. You guys were all such good friends and now look where you were. You and Ellie were together, staring up at fake stars in a garage without riley... 

You started feeling bad again, it was all so fast. You found someone who you thought was dead and all the memories flying back to you, it made you sick to your stomach. Riley's face, she was so scared but her being so strong tried to cover it up to calm Ellie down. You reached out for ellies hand, something you guys did a lot in her room at night. 

“You know, i always think about that night..” she paused, trailing off, thinking about what and how to say this. “That night when you kissed me” She finished. 

You remember, how could you forget. It was probably the best and worst day of your life. You had been in her room, just like how you were now. You were holding hands, the rain was heavy on the window. You don’t know how it happened or why you did it but you leaned down and kissed her, she kissed back. That was also the day Riley came back and you saw them both get bit, you saw the marks and you left. No goodbye. 

Ellie sat up on her elbows, looking down at you and you up at her. Her hand caressed t’s way down to your thigh, Your body reacted to her touch. As much as you wanted her you couldn’t, you can’t get the image of her face out of your head and it brought so many questions. She leaned down, her lips almost on yours until you pushed her away. You shot up and walked over to the couch before turning to her. 

“Did I do s...” 

“Why don’t you hate me.”  You interrupted, eyes starting to water a bit. 

“Why would i hate you?” She asked, standing up with you. 

You paced around a little bit, all the frustration you had was building up. You couldn’t even forgive yourself so why was she pretending it didn’t happen. 

“I left you and Riley to die, I freaked out and split. it’s my fault.” Your voice cracked a bit, tears starting to form. 

Ellie moved in closer, she didn’t know what to say. In the moment she just believed it wasn’t anyone's fault, things like this just happened; she never blamed you. She knew Riley didn’t either. 

“Y/n..” She trailed off, her own tears forming. “It wasn’t your fault and you didn’t leave us there. We told you to leave, you were just doing what we said to do.” She tried to calm you down, placing her hand on your shoulder. 

“I should’ve stayed, you two were dying and i left.” You burst into tears, taking a seat on the coffee table in the middle of the room. 

Ellie let out a sigh, she didn’t like to remember that day. It was horrible for all of you, she stayed at  the mall for a while after that waiting to turn but she never did. She eventually had to shoot Riley, making that experience 10x worse. She tried to find you but you were gone, so she had no choice but to go to the fireflies. 

“It’s okay, we got bit, you weren’t. we wanted you to get out before all of us died.” She tried to calm you down, she would never be mad at you for protecting yourself. 

“Even if it wasn’t my fault, you still got bit.” You said, locking her in a place she didn’t want to be. “What the fuck happened, why didn’t you turn.” 

A breath got caught in her throat, she wasn’t prepared for that. She knew she would have to tell you at one point but she didn’t know it was going to be so fast. She sat next to you, placing a hand on your shoulder. 

“Y/n,” She started. “I'm not supposed to tell anyone but you're my best friend and I trust you.” 

She told you everything, every single detail of her immunity. She pulled up her sleeve to show a tattoo covering a bite sized scar. That caused you to cry even harder, if you were to stay in Boston for a little bit longer you could have helped her.  You thought maybe you both meeting again was a sign, a sign of what you had no idea. 

“I’m sorry..” you started, placing your hand on her knee. “I’ve always just felt so guilty for living. I thought i should've died with you two and me leaving without even saying goodbye, it made me feel shitty.” 

She placed her hand on top of yours, holding it once again. You put your head on her shoulder, more tired than you already had been. From the crying and exhausting memories you could pass out right her. 

“I knew it would, you’ve always been such a sap.” She joked. 

You punched her playfully, giggling at her dumbass. You both sat there for a minute, taking in the feeling you both felt right now. You were both able to get out everything you felt guilty for and everything you’ve been hiding, it’s been eating at you for years. 

“You should stay.” She spoke, breaking the silence. “I mean permanently.” She clarified. 

You wanted to but will you two ever be the same, the kiss and the death you felt things have changed. Good or bad change you didn’t know, you just didn’t want to live here and remember Boston every time you looked at her. 

“I don't know ellie...” You replied. 

You could hear her sigh, she shifted around. She turned to you once more and stared you down. You could feel a whole lecture of why you should stay coming. You were pleasantly surprised when she leaned in once again but this time you leaned in as well. Your lips touched, syncing together. It made your heart pound a mile and minute, you thought at any minute you could have a heart attack. She finally pulled away, smiling at you. 

“Was that your way of trying to get me to stay?” You chuckled out, her smile dropped. She knew she couldn’t get you to stay, you were always a loner even in Boston. You caught on to her sadness. 

 “Cause it worked.” You said before pulling her into another kiss. 

-

-

-

(Credit to gif owner) 

[spencersstrawberryjello]

Revelations (Spencer Reid x fem!MC)

Summary: SPOILERS FOR SEASON TWO As everything goes down with Tobias Hankel, Aria and the BAU have to find him before it’s too late. Once they do, Aria takes Spencer home and comforts him. 

Content: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Descriptions of torture and violence (all related to Reid’s abduction in season two), swearing, kidnapping and emotional turmoil

MC’s name and pronouns: Aria (are-ee-ah) Glenn, she/her

Word Count: 5024 (it’s a long one folks so buckle up - it ended up being almost ten full pages lmao)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey,” I looked up from my phone to see Emily standing in the doorway. “Can I sit?”

I gestured to the space on the bed beside me, in the small house that made me nauseous. Thinking about the fact that the bed I was sitting on right now belonged to the man who had kidnapped Spencer made me want to both punch something and throw up. Emily came and sat beside me, turning to face me as I did the same. Her voice was soft when she spoke, studying my face. 

“How are you doing?” She asked. It was a question she already knew the answer to, and I scoffed.

“We’re both profilers, Prentiss. You tell me; how do you think I’m doing?” I snapped. Immediately afterwards, guilt flared through my chest, and I sighed, shaking my head. “I’m sorry. It’s just - well, you know. I don’t think any of us are in a good state of mind right now.”

I dropped my gaze back to my hands, resting in my lap. She took them, directing my attention back to her as she spoke. 

“Glenn. We all care about Reid, and we’re all doing everything we possibly can to get him back. But I know that your relationship with him is… different. You kind of disappeared earlier, I just wanted to check on you.”

“I just couldn’t watch that anymore,” My chest tightened just thinking about the sight of Spencer, tied to a chair, being forced to decide who lives and who dies. He looked so broken -

I forced myself away from that train of thought, taking my hands out of Emily’s to press them to my eyes in an attempt to ward away the tears I felt rising again. 

I’ve cried so much in the past two days I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to again. 

“I understand,” She moved my hands so I’d look into her eyes again. “I just wanted you to know we’re all here for you, ok? We’re all in this together, we’re all worried about him. You’re not alone in what you’re feeling.”

I nodded, and she pulled me into a tight hug, one I returned gratefully. The moment was interrupted by Derek flying into the room, with a statement that made my heart drop. 

“The live feed is back on,” He announced, clearly intending for Emily and I to come with him. I knew that watching the videos was the best way for us to figure out where the hell this guy took Spencer, but the idea of seeing him in that cabin again made me want to throw up. I immediately started to shake my head, a childlike reflex to the statement. 

“No. No, I can’t, I -” I wanted nothing more than to be curled up in his arms right now. 

This all felt like one massive nightmare. I wished I could just wake up, scared before I realized he was safe in his apartment, laying in bed with me. I would turn over and press a quick kiss to his lips, not enough to wake him up but enough that I could appreciate his presence even more after imagining the worst possibility, before burying myself back in the warmth of his embrace…  

“Aria. Hey,” Emily had her hand on my arm, pulling me out of my fantasy. My mind had started to take over, to take me into a daydream that was safer than the turmoil that had become our reality. “I know this is hard. But the more people we have working on this, the better the odds of us finding him are.”

“I hate to say it, but you guys need to hurry. We have no idea how long he’s going to be live.”

I felt like I was going to pass out when I stood up, making my way into the computer room that had become Garcia’s base for the past two days. My attention focused immediately on the screen displaying the live feed of Spencer. Emily was still standing next to me, and she reached out, giving my arm a quick squeeze to make sure I knew she was right there. I nodded my appreciation, but I couldn’t break my eyes away from the video.

He looked exhausted. Exhausted, and in pain, physically and mentally. 

I didn’t know how much more of this he could handle. 

“This ends now.” Charles Hankel’s voice was one I knew would be at the center of my nightmares for years to come; and if that was how I felt, I couldn’t imagine what Spencer was feeling right now. I didn’t think I wanted to. “Confess your sins.”

I dug my nails into my palms, trying to steady my breathing. I could tell Spencer was trying not to cry, and for a moment I thought Charles wasn’t going to do anything before he moved closer to the chair, punching him hard in the face. A sob escaped my lips, and I clamped my hand over my mouth, trying to silence myself as I watched him beat him, over and over, demanding he confess to the sins he hasn’t committed.

I looked around the room, and I knew we were all feeling a very similar set of emotions right now. It’s just a matter of what was the strongest. Garcia was trembling from her seat in front of the computers. Derek looked like he was going to genuinely kill somebody, and JJ looked like she was going to be sick. Hotch and Gideon were watching with nothing but fatherly worry, and even Emily looked like she couldn’t breathe.

“Tobias, help me,” His voice was so quiet we could hardly hear it through the camera speaker, Spencer begging for some kind of rescue. He was crying openly now, and I knew that I was silently doing the same as Charles hit him again before pushing the chair backwards, causing Spencer to fall to the ground. 

At first I thought he’d passed out. But then I noticed him convulsing. 

“Oh my god,” Garcia was the first one to say something, her voice breaking as we watched Spencer gasping for air, unable to do anything but observe from the other side of a screen, “He’s killing him.”

I felt myself starting to spiral again, unable to even speak, wanting so badly to leave but knowing I’d never forgive myself if I did. So I stood there and watched the man I love thrash on the ground while Charles Hankel just stood over him, watching him die without even blinking. It wasn’t until Spencer stopped moving that he spoke. 

“That’s the devil vacating your body.” 

Spencer wasn’t moving.

Spencer Reid was dead. 

He was lying dead on the floor in a cabin in the middle of who-the-fuck knows where and there was absolutely nothing I could do to help him. 

Suddenly I couldn’t breathe. 

“No…” Was all I was able to say. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the image of Spencer’s body on the floor, still tied to that chair, abandoned as Charles Hankel left the room, leaving the camera still rolling. Gideon stormed out of the room - I thought I heard the bathroom door slam - and everyone immediately jumped into action, leaving Garcia and I alone staring at the unchanging computer screen.

“Come on baby, wake up. Please, for the love of god, please wake up.”

It felt like my mind was speedrunning the five stages of grief as I muttered under my breath, begging to a man who couldn’t even hear me. Who had no control over whether he lived or died. 

Garcia hadn’t moved either, her breath coming in shallow gasps as she stared at the screen. I moved over to her, grabbing her hand in mine, both of us trying desperately to comfort each other after the scene we just witnessed, unable to process what happened enough to even speak. After a moment, Hotch came back into the room, opening his mouth to say something to Penelope when something finally changed on the video in front of us. 

Charles Hankel had come back into the room.

Except it wasn’t Charles this time, it was Tobias, running over to Spencer’s body and immediately starting CPR in an attempt to save his life. Hotch called everyone back into the room, all of us gathered around the screen. After what felt like years, we heard it.

Spencer finally coughed. 

He woke up, and I thought I was going to cry from relief. I might’ve actually been crying; honestly I’d spent most of the last two days in a constant state of either crying or about-to-be crying, so it wouldn’t have come as much surprise. Everyone let out varying gasps of relief before getting to work again, deducing that Hankel would have to be within a 17-mile radius of the crime scene to have killed those people and then uploaded the video in the time frame that he did. Hotch was about to leave before we noticed Hankel’s demeanor change yet again as he stood over Spencer, who was still stuck on the floor. 

“You came back to life.” 

“Raphael.” 

“There can be only one of two reasons.”

“I was given CPR.”

“There are no accidents.”

Whatever momentary relief I got from seeing Spencer alive faded the moment Raphael began to ask questions. 

Questions about us. 

“He thinks it’s Revelation,” Hotch stated, concern filling his usually even tone. “The 7 Archangels versus the 7 Angels of Death.”

“Tell me who you serve.”

“I serve you.”

“Then choose one to die.”

My hand flew back up to my mouth as I processed the command, watching Spencer’s face crumble with the realization as well. 

“Kill me.” The words made my heart break, and I found myself desperately fighting the edge of tears, yet again. 

Damn, I really hated having emotions.

“Tell me who dies.”

“No.”

Raphael reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a revolver and pointing it straight at Spencer’s forehead. It was a game of Russian Roulette, and I genuinely thought I might puke from the omnipresent anxiety making my knees weak. 

“I can’t -” I broke, turning away from the screen and into Derek’s arms as he pulled me into a hug. I hated not watching, but it was more than I could bear. It was all I could do just to listen as Spencer denied his request over and over again, each time the click of the trigger bringing him closer and closer to a bullet in the brain. 

“I choose… Aaron Hotchner.”

The sentence made me snap my gaze back to the screen, not breaking the hug but watching attentively as Spencer quoted a Bible verse. Hotch, however, left the room as soon as Spencer had finished speaking, everyone trailing out into the main room after him. 

“Hey, he’s alive. He’s alive,” Derek comforted me as everyone followed Hotch.

It’s truly a sign of how fucked up the situation is when the only comfort is that he hasn’t died yet.

Or at least, not permanently. 

I nodded, and broke the hug, following after everyone who had already found Hotch again. He was holding a Bible, quickly explaining that Spencer misquoted the verse. 

Misquoted the verse on purpose.

We’d found him.

We piled into the cars, my heart racing a mile a minute as we sped down the abandoned country roads, pulling up to an empty plantation, with nothing but trees in sight for miles aside from a small cabin and a cemetery surrounding it. 

We checked the cabin first.

Clear.

It wasn’t until we started making our way across the grounds that we heard it. 

A gunshot. 

“Oh god please don’t let that have been for Reid,” JJ echoed exactly what the rest of us were thinking. We followed the sound, Hotch calling out his name as we ran towards it. Finally, we saw him, hunched over the dying body of Tobias Hankel. 

Hotch took off in a sprint, approaching Spencer first, placing a gentle hand on his arm before Spencer pulled him into a tearful hug. He did the same to JJ, until I finally moved into view. 

He looked like he’d been to hell and back. He could hardly support his own weight, he was sweating, bruised, and there was an open wound on his forehead. But I’d never been happier to see him. 

I wasted no time pulling him into a hug, finally not trying to keep the tears at bay. For a moment, neither of us said anything, we just held each other, both of us crying in the cold night air. 

“I thought I’d lost you,” I finally said, pulling back from the hug to look at his eyes. A small smile came over his face, and I’d never seen anything more beautiful. He was still crying, and I brought my hands up to cup his face, wiping the tears from his cheeks. He was very clearly out of it, and I guided him to put his arm around my shoulders, helping him walk back to the cars, whispering reassurances the entire way there. 

“Wait!” He protested, “I have to do something first.”

He turned back towards Tobias’ body, and I let him go, giving him a moment to do whatever it was he needed as he limped over to the corpse. I turned back to the team, noticing Hotch looking at me with curiosity. Seeing as the only person who knows about Spencer and I’s relationship was Emily, it didn’t really come as a shock that I’d be getting strange looks. But honestly, I couldn’t bring myself to care.

“He’s probably going to need to go to a hospital,” Hotch said. We nodded our agreement, knowing there was an ambulance waiting back at Tobias Hankel’s house. 

Spencer rejoined the group, and I helped him the rest of the way back to the car. I wanted nothing more than to hold him in the backseat, but there wasn’t enough space and I didn’t want to draw more suspicion by asking JJ to move. So I climbed into the front seat next to Derek, who was driving. He shot me a look, and I just shrugged, not confirming or denying anything. 

The drive back felt significantly shorter now that he was safe with us, and when we got back, we followed the ambulance to the hospital. Despite the fact that they definitely didn’t need an 8-person FBI escort to take Spencer into the hospital, Gideon didn’t even ask us whether or not we wanted to go. It was just assumed. 

We’d gathered in the waiting room, everyone waiting to hear the extent of what that monster put him through. I was sitting in the chair closest to the hall, and immediately sprang to my feet when I saw the doctor round the corner. 

“What all did he do to him?” I demanded. 

“He had a pretty nasty gash on his forehead that we had to stitch up,” He started, “And his face is pretty bruised. Same with the bottom of his left foot. It’s a miracle it wasn’t broken.”

We nodded along to him speaking, and he paused for a second before revealing the worst detail.

“We also found a series of needle marks on his right arm. Traces of Dilaudid were still in his system.”

We’d assumed they’d drugged him - he wouldn’t have seized the way he did if they hadn’t, not to mention that JJ found records of Tobias Hankel’s addiction to narcotics - but hearing confirmation made my chest tight. 

“What does that mean for him?” Hotch asked. 

“Well, Dilaudid is addictive. It’s a narcotic painkiller; you’ll want to keep an eye on him in the next couple of weeks and note any strange behaviors you might see him exhibiting.”

We all nodded our understanding, and the doctor wrapped up what he was saying.

“Other than that, he just needs rest. We gave him water and something to eat, so honestly the best thing for him right now is to go home, get a shower and get some sleep. He might have some trouble putting a lot of weight on his right foot, but there’s not really anything we can do for that because it isn’t actually broken, just badly bruised. We’re going to send him home with crutches, but someone might want to stay with him for tonight, if one of you is comfortable with that.”

“I’ll stay with him,” I offered before anyone else could open their mouths. Emily’s eyes snapped to mine, and I cleared my throat, trying not to sound too eager, “If he’s ok with that, of course. I’ll have to ask him.”

The doctor just nodded. “Sounds good. Whoever is in charge here can see the front desk for further information.”

Gideon started towards the front desk, gesturing for Hotch to follow him as they went to talk to some people, leaving me standing in front of Garcia, Morgan, Prentiss, and JJ, all of whom were looking at me with varying looks of suspicion. Except Emily, who just looked vaguely amused.

“Anything you want to talk to us about, Glenn?” JJ asked. 

“Nothing at all,” I denied, trying to fight the small smile on my face. I could tell just by looking at them that they all knew, at this point it was hard not to at least assume. Not to mention they were all experts in human behavior - let’s just say it was hard to hide things from them. But JJ just shook her head with a shallow laugh, returning to her seat. However, she quickly stood back up when Spencer came around the corner, supporting his weight with a pair of plain gray crutches. 

“Spence,” She immediately crossed the room to him, looking him over with concern, “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” He offered her a small smile, but it wasn’t real. We all knew it, and she pulled

him into a hug, being careful not to make him fall. 

“I should’ve never let you go off on your own. I’m so sorry -” She started to apologize, but he cut her off. 

“JJ, stop. It’s not your fault; splitting up was my idea. No one had any way of knowing what was going to happen. I mean, there was a 50-50 shot that either of us could’ve run into him, we had no evidence he’d even left the barn at all.”

She let out a shaky breath, nodding. “I’m just glad you’re ok.”

“Me too.”

“We’re going to go back to the BAU so everyone can get their cars.”

He nodded his understanding, and he gave everyone a hug before Hotch and Gideon came back from the front desk. As much as he tried to appear normal, the events of the past two days hung heavy in the air. And we only knew what we saw on the videos, we had no idea the extent of what he’d gone through. I don’t know if we ever would. 

Even just the fact that he was hugging people was a testament to the way he was feeling. He usually didn’t even like to shake hands, but he was clinging to our friends like they were the only thing keeping him grounded. 

Hotch and Gideon rounded the corner, Hotch’s face softening the moment he saw Spencer, pulling him into another hug. 

“Alright, let’s get back to the BAU so you can go home and get some rest,” Gideon said. Spencer nodded, all of us piling back into the two vans we’d taken to Tobias Hankel’s house. JJ shot me a look before climbing into the passenger seat, allowing me to take her place in the back with Spencer, sitting shoulder to shoulder in the car. Once we started driving, I turned and whispered to him. 

“I wanted to come back home with you. Is that ok?” I asked. He gave me a small nod, and I smiled, giving his arm a squeeze. I desperately wanted to press a soft kiss to his lips, but I had already been way too physically affectionate with him today for us being at work. 

We all went our separate ways, though it was clear that everyone was reluctant to let Spencer out of their sight again. I reminded them I’d be with him, and promised that I’d update them once he fell asleep so they knew everyone was ok. It might’ve been selfish of me, but I was excited to be alone with him. I just wanted to be able to comfort him without having to worry about if everyone thought we were dating. 

To be fair, we technically weren’t dating. We’d never really defined the relationship.

We elected to take my car, since I was going to be driving. The more time we spent away from the group, the more I saw Spencer retreating. We walked to the car in silence, and he climbed in the passenger seat, zoning out staring through the windshield.

I reached over and gave his hand a light squeeze.

“I love you babe. Don’t know what I’d do without you,” I told him. He didn’t move his gaze, just squeezed my hand back in response before allowing me to return both hands to the wheel. We drove the rest of the way home with no sound but the radio turned down to a low volume. When I finally pulled into the parking lot for his apartment complex, he didn’t even blink. I turned the car off, going around to the other side to help him out of the car and into his apartment.

“Do you want me to get you something to eat? Or some water?” I offered as I unlocked the front door. He just shook his head.

“I just want to go to sleep.”

“You need to shower, Spencer.”

He nodded again, allowing me to lead him to the bathroom. 

“Do you think you can stand? Or do you want me to draw you a bath?” I asked. 

“Bath would be better,” He said, propping his crutches up against the sink. I knew he hadn’t broken his foot, but he still winced as he put more of his weight on it so that he could pull off his sweater and begin to unbutton the shirt he had on underneath it. 

“You’re ok with me being in here?” I had assumed he would be, but I wanted to clarify as he finished unbuttoning his shirt, slipping it off. He just nodded, starting to undo his pants as I filled the bath with warm water. I shut the water off when it was filled enough that he could sit comfortably in it, and I held his arm, helping him sink into the warm water. 

“Do you want my help babe?” I asked. He nodded again, still not speaking. I didn’t try to press him with any conversation, I just slipped out of my work clothes and slid into the bath next to him, grabbing the washcloth from the side of the bathtub and dipping it in the warm water, lathering up the soap and starting to gently wash along his shoulders, scrubbing away the dirt and grime. He winced when I got to his wrists, and I noticed that the skin was rubbed raw, red from where he’d been restrained. I drew in a shaky breath, unsure of whether or not I was going to cry or punch someone. Instead, I just planted a soft kiss on his lips before washing down the rest of his body. 

I put the washcloth away and moved on to his hair, moving so that my chest was pressed to his back. I lathered the shampoo through his hair, and he sunk back against me, his eyes closing from the gentle touch. 

“You’re safe with me, baby. I’ve got you,” I whispered reassurances in his ear, trying to help him relax as I finished cleaning him up. “How’s your head?”

My eyes had flashed up to the bandaged gash on his forehead, and I reached one hand up to gently brush his hair back away from it. He had opened his eyes now, just staring at the water, not really here. His voice was barely above a whisper, and it broke my heart. 

“It hurts,” He murmured.

“I’m so sorry, Spencer,” I said, holding him closer to me as if it could somehow soothe his pain, both physically and mentally. “I am so, so sorry that this happened to you. You didn’t deserve any of this.”

“Didn’t I?”

The question took me by surprise, and I didn’t even have a chance to protest before he elaborated.

“I abandoned my mother. I could’ve helped her - I mean, I could’ve learned to help her. Instead I sent her away… he told me to confess my sins. And when I thought of my sins, all I could see was her face. I left her, Aria.”

“Spencer. Look at me.” I lightly put my hand under his chin, guiding him to meet my eyes. “Your mother needed help from a medical professional, someone who was specialized in understanding her condition. You didn’t abandon her - Spencer, you helped her. It’s not a sin to get someone the help that they need.”

“I know that. Logically, I know that. But…”

He trailed off, but he didn’t need to say anymore. I just nodded.

“I know, baby. But you didn’t deserve what Hankel did to you. You’re a good person, Spencer Reid. One of the best I know, and I’m not just saying that because I’m in love with you. You really are an incredible man, and,” I bit my lip, forcing back the tears that were stinging my eyes, “And you deserved so much better than this.”

He didn’t reply, he just leaned forward, kissing me again. It was harder this time, like he was putting all his feelings into moving his lips against mine. I kissed him back with just as much emotion, trying to tell him how much I loved him without saying anything at all. 

“Thank you,” He whispered, and I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close to me for a moment.

“Spencer, you have no idea how grateful I am for you.”

“And I for you,” He replied semi-dramatically, making me grin and bringing a small smile to his face. It wasn’t much, but it was something positive. 

“Alright Shakespeare, let me get dried off and then I’ll help you out,” I teased, grabbing my towel off the hook and drying my damp hair before wrapping it around myself and grabbing his hand, helping him up and guiding him to lean up against the sink while I grabbed his towel and offered it to him. 

“I don’t even have the energy to correct the historical inaccuracy of your Shakespeare joke,” He said, drying himself off as I left the bathroom to grab pajamas from his dresser. I grabbed him one of his t-shirts and a pair of sweatpants, and I grabbed myself one of his sweaters, slipping it on before going back into the bathroom and giving him the clothes I’d grabbed, hanging my towel back up as he changed.

When I turned back, he’d put on the pajamas, and was in the process of grabbing his crutches. With every move, his expression changed, betraying just how much pain he was in. I put my hand on his shoulder, supporting him as he made his way back out to his room, immediately sitting down on the bed and letting the crutches fall to the ground. 

“Son of a bitch,” He muttered. I just sat down next to him, putting my arm around him so he could lean his head on my shoulder. 

“Hey. You’re alright,” I held him close to me, rubbing his shoulder in a slight comfort. 

“I’m tired,” He yawned, and I nodded. 

He stretched out on the bed behind me, and I scooted over next to him, pulling the comforter over both of us. 

“Can I hold you, baby?” I asked. He nodded, and I curled up against him, holding him tight to my chest. I tucked my head into the crook of his neck from behind, feeling his steady breathing against me. 

It didn’t really surprise me when I felt his breathing pick up - I assumed his mind would probably wander once he had quiet time to think - but it made my heart wrench when I heard him crying softly. 

“Spencer…” I pulled him closer to me, running one hand through his hair and placing soft kisses along his jawline, trailing down his neck. There was nothing sexual about it, simply gentle affection as he cried. 

He rolled over suddenly so he was facing me, immediately crushing me in a tight hug, crying openly into my shoulder. I continued to run one of my hands through his hair, the other gently tracing slow circles on his back under his shirt, trying to ground him as he attempted to process everything he’d gone through. 

“You’re safe with me baby. I’m never letting anything happen to you again, I promise.”

“You can’t make a promise like that,” He argued through his tears, “No one can make a promise like that. You know our line of work; there’s no way you can ensure my safety.”

“That’s true,” I conceded, “But as long as I have any say in it, I will protect you. And that’s a promise.”

His crying had quieted, and he sniffled, nodding into my shoulder. I kept him close to me, and eventually he drifted off to sleep, tears still staining his face. 

[intrulogical]

logan’s spotify playlist analysis

just a few (not really) thoughts i’ve garnered from the logan spotify playlist. fair warning, i have not heard of any of these songs before so i can be incorrect in interpreting some of the lyrics but hey, i’m trying my best, give ya girl a chance. i’ll also analyze the songs in order. summaries of my interpretations for each song is near at the end of the post! if you want to add anything, feel free to reply or reblog with your addition!

(one note, i won’t analyze the other sides’s playlist. i only did this because logan is my favorite, but if you want another analysis, i might do remus only if he gets one.) 

big thanks to the logang discord who talked to me about the spotify playlist and my friend jana for proofreading this and letting me ramble to them! the analysis is below the cut. word count: 8300.

edit: apparently two songs aren’t available in my country, so i wasn’t able to see them right away to be added on this analysis. please check this post for the analysis of the songs what i do for u and the watchtower.

reblogging is highly appreciated!!! i worked rlly hard on this!!

tw: lots of logan angst, mentions of repression of emotions, mentions of lack of self esteem, and there’s a mention of suicide/depresion at the song “one more time with feeling” but i’ll mention it on the bullet so you know which part to skip!

the description of the playlist written by logan is interesting: “I was impelled to compile this selection of songs. I don’t entirely understand some of the lyrics, but I still found them compelling. Listen, or don’t.” the “listen, or don’t” part really suggests many things. one idea you can gain from that is that logan is probably ashamed of the songs he selected, even if he liked them, because it could be dubbed as “childish” but another thought i got is that the playlist confesses a lot of logan’s insecurities and personal issues, which might make him hesitant to present this to us because he’s not used to expressing himself and is probably scared of what others may think of him.

moreover, logan admitting he didn’t understand some of the lyrics sound a bit like a lie to me. while some songs could be difficult to understand without the lyrics, they all connect to something about logan, and to me, it’d make more sense that logan is hesitating to admit that some lyrics resonate with him because the lyrics connect to his personal identity/issues and he is definitely covering it up by saying he just vibes with the song’s aesthetic.

starting off, the elements by tom lehrer gives us the general idea about logan. he’s smart, he’s intelligent, he probably knows a lot more than what thomas knows which is weird but it works because it’s logan. 

additionally, i just found out on genius.com that the song was meant to introduce the elements of the periodic table to an audience with a catchy tune so it can be remembered easily. this could imply that when thomas is learning something rather difficult, logan’s there to find different ways to teach thomas the lesson which thomas can easily adapt to. 

white & nerdy by “weird al” yankovic is one of the few songs in logan’s playlist that’s in the form of a rap. before we dive into this song, i’d like to mention that logan picking very fast-paced songs are very interesting because i feel like raps and fast-paced songs resemble logan’s thought process. like remus, i feel like logan has an influx of thoughts and ideas that run across his head at any given time. fast songs could easily represent how much logan is thinking because raps can easily inform listeners about a lot of ideas and thoughts in one quick moment.

anyway, back to white & nerdy, first thing’s first: logan is an absolute nerd, but he also wants to be perceived as cool. this song practically screams “tryhard nerd is trying to be hip with the kids” and logan could probably relate to that on a spiritual level.

lyrics that probably stand out from this song would be the “I wanna bowl with the gangstas / But, oh well, it's obvious I'm white and nerdy” which is repeated throughout the song with the verbs changed in every chorus. “They see me strollin', they laughin' / And rollin' their eyes 'cause I'm so white and nerdy” could imply that the way logan is trying to be “cool” is failing because no matter what, everyone will still see him as a “nerd” above all else. because of this, it’s hard for him to relate and communicate with the other sides because the way he expresses himself could be something perceived as weird to the other sides. logan is just that different with the others, maybe you can suggest he’s the odd one out.

(this is probably also why in dwit, when he was called “cool”, he let out a disbelieving noise. he just wants to be seen as cool while also being himself and in dwit, he achieved that. the flashcards logan uses across the series is supposed to make him look “cool” but in dwit, he didn’t use any of that at all, being himself throughout the episode, and at the end, he was finally called “cool” for being himself.)

also, this may be a stretch, but if the other sides are supposed to be the “gangstas” he wants to roll with, that also can imply that logan doesn’t think lowly of the other sides. rather, he thinks of them as cool as well, and he wants to be just like them.

algorhythm by childish gambino is a very interesting song and a song that might be a bit difficult to understand (poor me with my bilingual problems) but an interesting take i found on genius.com helped me understand the context of the song. i will explain the song first before discussing how it connects to logan because this song is so smart. the song’s verses display apprehension as many of the lyrics question the validity of humanity and our society. the verses are intentionally distorted and inaudible because these statements oppose what could be deemed as acceptable in the society. the reason it is portrayed this way is because the person is afraid to be the odd one out in a society who thinks otherwise, despite how correct this one person is while the rest of the society isn’t. the chorus, while it could be perceived as something fun, talks about how majority of the society would choose to be ignorant about what is truly happening in our society and they would often follow whatever is popular, trendy, or fun; that is what the “algorhythm” really means. the chorus demands us to follow whatever is being said, to move our body exactly how society expects us to move. we follow the pattern that society deems is good, no matter how many problems still persist in the society. that is why the chorus is the most audible part of the song, why be hesitant when whatever you’re doing is something that the society loves doing as well? the song repeats “the algorhythm is perfect, mmh” twice, and it is expressed by the person who is having questioning thoughts about the algorhythm. this implies that no matter what, you will succumb to whatever society demands of you, and anything, especially the thoughts of one person against many, would not be able to change that.

now, how does this connect to logan? there are two main things i’d love to discuss: 1.) logan being the odd one of the group as his beliefs and thoughts are often brushed aside as they contradict what the other three core sides believe. and; 2.) while sometimes correct, the other three core sides in certain situations could offer the wrong solutions for problems without knowing they are negatively impacting thomas. logan’s the person questioning the society, the other core sides are the majority who can sometimes be ignorant of what could truly be the best solution for problems that arise, and thomas is the one who blindly follows what the majority presents as solutions, consequently making some of his problems worse. 

now for the first point: logan usually is the most insightful whenever there is a problem that needs to be dealt with. it’s already known that he wants to be listened to so badly, and this song implies that he feels disregarded for thinking differently, even if it’ll benefit thomas immensely. an example would be in dwit wherein patton and virgil wouldn’t stop doubting and cutting him off whenever he tries to help thomas. the song is implying that because of how he is the odd one out in the group, he is starting to become more apprehensive about what he thinks because he feels like he’s wrong most of the time. it implies that he thinks it’d be easier to succumb to what the others think is right rather than to think his own opinions are important. just like in the song, logan is “(Moving how they say so)” because at some point, he gives in to the idea that he is incorrect and wrong, and is beginning to adapt to what the majority thinks is right.

for the second point, i don’t want to suggest i’m berating the other three core sides when in reality, those three are also very important to thomas, but then again, those three aren’t the most flexible when accepting suggestions that come from logan. while the three don’t always agree on certain solutions, they agree more with each other compared to agreeing to solutions suggested by logan. when thomas sees this, he might think that because more sides agree with one idea, maybe it’s better to go with the majority, and that pushes logan away more despite his contributions actually being useful to the group.

okay, this is added last minute because i got the thought really late but i think we should recognize this as the event that pushed logan to start having higher expectations for himself. the previous song shows us he wants to be perceived as cool, but the next song shows us he wants to be perceived as perfect. the problem logan had with himself definitely evolved for the worse and i think this song shows us what pushed logan to be so nitpicky about how un-perfect he is.

fitter happier by radiohead has a very direct message and its connection to logan is the same with the message they are trying to say on its own. this song showcases the high expectations logan has for himself to be the most perfect side for thomas, when in reality, the list of things described in the song ironically doesn’t describe how we can become the “most perfect” human; it describes how we can be the most inhuman thing in the world. if anything, the list of activities only makes us more machine than human, which is why the song is spoken through a robotic voice. the connection to logan is really easy to make here: logan thinks that pushing himself to strictly follow a certain itinerary would be beneficial for him in the hopes that he can be the most perfect version of himself for thomas, when in reality, it’s unrealistic as it only encourages the repression of his negative emotions. moreover, this song implies that logan needs to understand that he is allowed to be free and to make mistakes because no human can ever be perfect. all he’ll end up doing is abuse himself if he continued down this path of repression and strict planning for himself. to be the best version of yourself means it’s okay to make mistakes, and it’s important to learn from them, and if you follow this toxic planning for yourself, you’ll only end up being trapped.

medicine by STRFKR gave me a bilingual headache because this song is kind of difficult to understand, even more than algorhythm. someone in genius.com mentioned that “Never Remember / Your Birthday” is actually wrong, and rather, it should be “ Never Remember / You’re perfect / Or anything you like”. the song itself talks about philosophy, saying you can never be perfect because if you realize that you are perfect, you become egotistical and you lose interest in learning more if you realize you’re “perfect”. logan would never, ever want to lose interest in learning-- that’s his entire being, damnit! logan wouldn’t be a person who’d want to disregard the importance of learning. because of this, the song implies logan recognized  the fact that he can never be perfect, albeit quite hesitantly,  but he still aims to be the best he can be for thomas.

the song states that while we cannot be perfect, we can still be curious and hungry for knowledge, and that would be a good substitute for aiming to be perfect. curiosity is the medicine being talked about in the song, and if logan can’t be perfect, at least he can be curious because in that way, logan can learn, logan can educate himself, and logan would be knowledgeable enough for thomas.

the breach by clipping. implies that logan is the most rational side who knows how to keep everything steady. while i won’t get into details of what the song is about, the song is rapped by a computer white a problem is occuring in the space ship they are in. just like the computer, logan is the side who oftentimes knows the correct approach for any given problem, but tends to complicate how he expresses his statements. i believe this song expresses how analytical logan is and how he requires himself to be the most specific he can be at any given moment. same points that i mentioned earlier could be applied again here: despite how intricate logan can be, the other sides need to listen to him more because whatever he’s saying isn’t just useless jargon. he does make valid statements and the other sides need to listen to him more or else, just like at the end of the song, everything can become utter chaos.

just one more thing to add-- while i am unfamiliar with the album, i read the genius.com annotations for the lyrics and it mentioned that the computer, who is a character in the album, slowly becomes more human-like over the course of the story. in this song, which is the beginning of the album, we can easily interpret the computer as an over-analyzing unemotional machine, but over time, they get to become more human and think past their coding. they get to develop their own emotions and they get to become  something more than a logical device. see a connection with logan? this implies that logan’s arc will involve himself being able to differentiate himself as an individual and himself as logic. while he is thomas’s logic, he needs to allow himself to be his own person and have his own personality. (i wonder how that’ll mix in with the “i’m not perfect enough” problem logan has)

letter c by zach sherwin depicts logan’s frustration from being made fun of. the line “Hey you know the only difference between ‘rap’ and ‘crap?’ It’s the letter C” basically implies that someone told logan that his passions and interests are synonymous to shit. throughout the series, while logan’s passions aren’t directly invalidated, he has been called nicknames often, and also is doubted from time to time whenever he expresses something to the others. but the thing is, teaching others, educating others-- that’s what logan is passionate about, and the fact that a lot of the others are disinterested by what he says would undoubtedly make logan frustrated, like what happens in the song. 

however, logan is not good at comebacks unless it was planned in advanced, but this song gives us a good idea of logan’s thought process whenever he gets insulted. we know he keeps a notebook of everything said to him that is deemed as stupid (embarrassing phases ep i think?) and we can understand that insults really get to him and sticks to him deeply. he overthinks about them; he ponders about them.

other than that, having no comebacks also make logan feel ashamed of himself (which is suggested at the end of the song) because not only would he look stupid to the others, he would also look uncool or un-perfect, and he really doesn’t want to be perceived as either.

galaxy song from monty python  is honestly just adorable. while it is sad to see that logan probably doesn’t seek comfort in other people, he does seek comfort in the stars. he is very passionate about astronomy, and while i doubt thomas took the astronomy class logan desperately wanted him to take, logan still hasn’t given up on astronomy like thomas did. while some might be scared of the idea that we are a mere speck in the universe that extends infinitely, logan is fascinated by it. logan loves knowledge, logan loves learning, and he is very fond of astronomy mostly because the knowledge he can earn is unlimited. additionally, he finds worth in himself because he was born in a universe filled with many stars and planets that he finds fascinating, and i think that’s adorable.

streaks by ANIMA! depict thomas’s and logan’s shared development throughout the years, especially when thomas was still a teenager. while there are many hardships growing up, these hardships were detrimental for thomas to understand himself further, and it is all thanks to logan for helping thomas make sense of everything. here, logan highly values education, thinking of it as a crucial part of thomas’s future. the song suggests that logan has planned for thomas’s future for a very long time, and he is convinced that whatever thomas is going through in school will help benefit logan’s plans for thomas. once thomas left school, particularly college, he has learnt everything he needs for a brighter future. all of this knowledge and development is thanks to logan, and the lines “Throw em in the water / They will sink or float / If you don't then you will never know” speak of the process of how logan was able to gain information and knowledge that thomas would apply for himself in the future. this knowledge isn’t limited to academic knowledge-- it’s about his social life, about his personal self, it’s everything thomas has learned. everything thomas knows now is thanks to logan.

okay but here comes the angst. the line “You're a smart kid, tough kid, but you're still a kid that grew” implies so much. firstly, we can recognize that logan probably has had a long time plan for thomas’s future and his career since he was a teenager, and he expects thomas to follow this plan right after college because he expects that at this point, thomas has fully come to understand himself and he needs to put all this progress and development into good use. what he didn’t expect is that thomas was still developing, still changing, and is still “a kid that grew” despite graduating. as we know, thomas mostly does youtube/theatre for a living, and it probably pained logan that all this planning he has turned out pointless. but even if thomas changed career plans right after college, the chorus repeating again implies that logan is still helping thomas develop. he still makes plans for thomas, he contributes ideas for thomas to place in his videos, and most importantly, he ensures a successful life for thomas, no matter what.

erase me by ben folds five is easily one of the angstiest songs on the playlist. in the song, the singer is trying to sing about a breakup and how their ex treats the singer as worthless. if we want to envision this in logan’s perspective, the song would be talking about the fragile relationship logan has with the other sides. the song describes their home together as “Paper not stone” which implies that their relationship was shaky, was unstable, and it was no surprise for logan that they eventually left him. yea, it wasn’t logan who left, but it was the others. this is implied by the line “And when you pulled your half away”. 

even if it is implied that the others left him first, the song still suggests that logan cares deeply about them. but even if he cares about the others, he questions his worth nonstop, evident in like… the whole song. the song is called “erase me”, so it’s no surprise that logan blames himself in this situation and would even think of himself as the problem. it’s clear in the song that logan still deeply cares about the others, and their opinions on him still affect him gravely. the last line “And if you feel nothing, guess what I wanna be? Nothing.” implies that logan highly considers what the others say towards him, and sometimes would treat it as fact. if the others think nothing of him then maybe, he is nothing. throughout the series, logan has been repeatedly insulted and made fun of and while he becomes defensive, the songs in this playlist show that he does listen to the others and their criticisms of him, and he wants to change himself because of it.

while logan ponders deeply about the insults said to him, the song shows us that the others don’t think much of it. the song actually implies they’ve replaced logan as if he were some utility and acted nothing of it. they don’t realize the emotional pain they’ve inflicted unto logan and he knows this. logan recognizes that they don’t consider his worth. additionally, the line “Go and call the cops now, baby” sort of implies that thomas is also in on this and has heard of what the others said about logan and is siding with the others. 

not only does logan feel incredibly sad by this, it’s obvious that logan is also very angry. he’s angry that the others think of him as useless, he’s angry that the others think he’s replaceable, and while he does listen to their jabs at times, he similarly just wants to prove them wrong. while the line “Erase me” can depict him succumbing to their jeers, this could also be about logan thinking of a way that’ll make the others realize his worth. the lines “We know that you don’t seem to think about what you need ‘til you reach to find that you’ve erased me.” suggests that the others can only understand his worth if logan erases himself completely. while the others pushed him away, they haven’t really erased him completely, but they just simply avoided him. if logan actually is gone, or maybe if he… ducks out, the others might realize what big of a mistake they’ve committed.

(honestly, it also must be frustrating for logan that the only way he can prove his worth is to disappear from the others. is his efforts just not good enough for them?)

also, at this point of the playlist, it is quite evident that logan is not emotionless. he has emotions, but clearly… they aren’t positive ones. many of these songs already tell us of logan’s problems: he isn’t listened to enough, he’s been left behind, he’s frustrated with himself, he wants to appear cool to the others, etc. and what’s worse is that he’s dealing with all these problems alone. one of the reasons he probably is repressing his emotions besides wanting to be “perfect” for thomas is that he does not want to reveal how much negative emotions have flooded him because of the other sides. he doesn’t want the others to be hurt just like how they hurt him.

now, art is dead by bo burnham definitely speaks of logan’s thoughts on art, and how flawed he believes roman and thomas’s artistry is. logan would define art as something you can be passionate about with money never being a factor of how great you are performing. in logan’s opinion, roman’s way of creating art is flawed. he views roman’s passion as something fake. instead of being the artist roman thinks he is, logan thinks of him as someone merely egotistical and selfish, someone who’s immature and craves attention. and while this might be harsh on logan’s part, i also think logan recognizes that this egotistical side roman is showing is most likely fake. in the lines “It’s all an illusion / I’m wearing makeup”, and “My drug’s attention / I am an addict / But I get paid to indulge in my habit”, logan understands that perhaps, roman is hiding under a facade. moreover, logan recognizes the danger behind roman endlessly craving attention from others. logan understands that there is a negative side to roman’s need for attention because roman needs to understand that he is valid even without other people praising him; roman relying on attention to measure his value is only going to ruin himself and his self-esteem. while i think the song has many messages behind it (please god help me because i don’t know how to explain this song well), i think this song discusses how despite loathing roman at some times, he is trying his best to understand him. while some parts downright insult roman, some parts show that logan understands roman is hurting.

another interpretation i’ve got is this song shows logan’s views on thomas becoming an entertainer. he thinks that the career he has now is undignifying and embarrassing. logan expresses that people who are entertainers or artists have stopped creating art because of it being their passion; rather, logan thinks these people do it because it’s a cheap way to earn money quickly. in this way, logan feels like the career he has now is unsatisfying because it all feels like a cheat to him. in the song, they state the unfairness of how rich entertainers are despite being lazy compared to people who work in drugstores, aiming to help people the best they can 24/7 with low pay. another lyrics you can use to describe logan’s frustration with how unsatisfied he is with this lifestyle would be the line “Cause I wanted my name in lights / When I could have fed a family of four / For forty fucking fortnights / Forty fucking fortnights.”. but even if logan feels undignified, he succumbs to the fact that he’s trapped being this kind of artist, but it’s obvious he isn’t too happy about it. 

equation by hans zimmer & camille is unexpectedly depressing. this song is most likely sung from the perspective of a child growing up, overwhelmed by how much they have to learn before they reach adulthood. this entire song depicts a child asking questions which are supposed to make them look “grownup” enough, hoping they are on the right path for a successful future. i think this song depicts the stress logan experienced when thomas was approaching adulthood because everyone practically depended on him for thomas to have a successful life. this acknowledges the only time logan has felt overwhelmed by the influx of knowledge he had to learn just so he can ensure thomas that everything will turn out okay. in the song, the singer asks a lot of questions that could be labelled as something “grownups” would do, which shows us that logan’s need to be professional all stemmed from him wanting to help thomas become successful in the future. but even if logan was able to plan for thomas’s future, there are some parts of the song that imply that logan longs for times he was a child again. it’s just… logan just grew up so fast, everyone relied on him at such a young age, and he never really enjoyed his childhood to the fullest. he wonders where his childhood went, and he patiently waits for the happiness he experiences as a child to come back again. then again, that happiness would never return, would it?

additionally, the lines “Have I made you cross? Have I made you sad? Have I made you proud, Mom?” imply that when logan was growing up, he was, most of the time, alone. he never really confided in others for any problems he had, and he preferred handling everything independently. nobody seemed to pay attention to him anyway, even if he really cares for the other sides. i know it’s been said before but logan really needs to gain more recognition for everything he’s done for thomas, and people really need to listen to him more.

while logan would never admit this now, i do think logan, as a child, was immensely overwhelmed by how much he thinks. just like remus, logan has an influx of thoughts and ideas going through his head, and when he didn’t understand it in the past, he probably wanted all of it to quiet down. his role as logic is tiring, and while logan understood this at a young age, i believe that growing up, he began to normalize this as it happens too frequently over the years, evident by how logan usually acts throughout the series. to this day, logan probably has many experiences where he feels exhausted or stressed, but he intentionally doesn’t tell the others about it because again, he thinks that being this stressed is a normal occurrence.

(this is probably why he doesn’t wanna open up with others in the series. while i think he is repressing emotions intentionally, i feel like sometimes, he just doesn’t admit he is stressed because he shrugs it off as a normal occurrence.)

sunrise from in the heights is one of the more unique songs in the playlist. yes yes i know, as a logince fan i am also screaming internally and externally but i do have a different explanation as to why logan placed this song in his playlist aside from him wanting to be closer to roman. this song displays a moment of someone learning, something logan is quite fond of. while the song displays an educational experience between two characters, it’s also very intimate. logan probably believes that to be able to achieve knowledge, you must disregard your feelings because it’ll only get in the way of learning. but this song shows that our emotions could be a motivator for us to learn. that’s what makes logan like this song. this song fascinates logan because in the song, benny, the guy who can’t speak spanish, is learning spanish because he loves nina, the girl teaching him spanish. it shows him that in learning, having feelings and emotions is completely valid, and it doesn’t restrict learning entirely. 

another thing i’d like to note is that songs like this that show a fascination in learning probably motivate logan to learn more. he is merely fascinated when he sees people being amused by education and learning, hence why he might have a fondness for the song. 

one more time with feeling by regina spektor is… sad. it talks about a patient recovering from their illness and coping with the sadness that comes with it. (tw: suicide/depression, please skip to the next bullet if you are triggered by this.) the illness being spoken about in the song would be depression and this shows us the aftermath of someone committing suicide. while i do not think logan would be depressed or suicidal, i do think the song is suggesting that logan is suffering something, and he thinks it’d be appropriate for himself to… erase himself. this is the second song in the playlist that implies logan would want to disappear because the others neglect him. the line “And the pride inside their eyes would synchronize into a love you’ve never known so much more than you’ve been shown” implies that the other sides will finally acknowledge logan if and only if he erases himself, duck out.

we can fully establish at this point that logan represses a lot of his emotions and the other sides know it too. the others, clearly evident in lntao, tries to help logan to stop repressing his emotions, but they aren’t really successful in teaching him. i think it’s mostly because the sides are being sympathetic rather than empathetic, and the sides think that their way of accepting their emotions would be a helpful way for logan to understand his emotions too. but the thing they don’t realize is that maybe, logan isn’t like them, and he can’t use the same ways they use because frankly, it doesn’t work. now, where in the song does this get implied? The lines “You thought by now you’d be so much better than you are / You thought by now they’d see that you had come so far.” suggests that logan did consider the advice of the other sides at some point. he tried to accept his emotions like the others said, he really thought that he might be able to get over his issues. but the wording of the song is really interesting because it says “You thought--” as if the person thought it would work, but it didn’t. additionally, the chorus at the end could be thought of as the advice logan is receiving from the other sides. but the lyrics “Hold on / One more time with feeling / Try it again, breathing’s just a rhythm” implies that the advice he’s getting isn’t working for him. it didn’t work for him, but he’s trying again because he doesn’t doubt the other sides, and if that doesn’t work, he’s trying again. then, the lyrics say, “Say it in your mind, until you know that the words are right.” which is a much more cynical line because they’re implying that if their advice doesn’t work, then logan just needs to try harder until it’s ingrained in his brain. the last line, “This is why we fight” could have a double meaning. one might think this is about fighting your inner demons to eventually overcome them. but this could also mean that the advice logan is receiving from the others isn’t working, and the fact that they push their advice so much unto him would be the reason why the sides and logan fight. in this sense, the lyric could mean “This, the uneffective advice I receive from you, is the reason why you (the others) and I (Logan) fight.”. to cut this short, the other sides need to be more empathetic in trying to understand logan’s issues because so far, all they’ve been doing is make assumptions for logan’s problems and offer solutions that might only work for themselves. for them to be able to help logan, they must put themselves in his shoes and understand logan better, or else they might just end up damaging him.

now, i do have a less depressing interpretation of this song which completely contradicts the last bullet point but i wanted to mention it because it made sense to me. while i did imply that the chorus could have some malicious intent behind it, we can also look at it in a positive light. this song in the playlist is the only one where we see logan possibly getting comforted by the other sides, and that would make sense seeing that the songs after this one would be about logan accepting himself for who he is. so, if we think of this song as the sides finally reaching out for logan, we can assume that at some point in the series, logan will reveal every problem he has to the other sides. at this point, instead of neglecting him, the sides are showing him love that he’s never seen before because they finally understand logan. sadly, their love and comfort would only be given only if they realize how bad logan is hurting, but at least he’s finally receiving the love that he desperately wanted.

in my mind by amanda palmer speaks of a topic similar to the songs medicine and fitter, happier because it sings about perfection. at this point, we can safely assume that logan is obsessed with precision and perfection, and he has aimed to be perfect for thomas for a very long time. problem is, he doesn’t realize how much he’s beating himself up from trying to achieve his perfect self. however, this song is the first one in the playlist which shows logan accepting that he can’t be perfect, and the person he is now is good enough for him and for the others. yes, medicine implies logan understands he cannot be perfect, but the song didn’t really give us that sense of resolution like this song does. i also think this song perfectly resembles how logan’s arc is going to look like. the song is split into four verses and each verse shows us the different stages of how sometimes, we want to be the perfect version of ourselves, but in the end, we realize we’re good enough for ourselves and for others.

anyway, focusing on the song, the first verse discusses logan’s high expectations for himself. the line “In a future five years from now / I’m a hundred and twenty pounds / And I never get hung over / Because I will be the picture of discipline” definitely shows it. he’s restricting himself because, implied by the lines “Never minding what state I’m in / And I will be someone I admire”, he isn’t satisfied with the person he is at the present. To further add to this, the line “And it’s funny how I imagined / That I would be that person now” explains that at some point, logan thought he was smart enough, he once thought he was “perfect”, but he realized that he wasn’t. he thought that he was enough, but no, something made him realized that he still had many flaws (cough algorhythm cough). the line “Maybe I’ve forgotten how to see / That I’m not exactly the person that I thought I’d be” shows him realizing that he wants to be better, he wants to improve himself. logan definitely has his own insecurities about his worth which makes him want to push himself more. 

verse two has the same implications as the first verse but i do believe it is showing the negative effects of wanting to be perfect more. this shows us logan getting used to controlling himself to strictly do things that he can only label as something that’ll help himself improve. this time, it’s stricter with the line “Because I will be the picture of discipline / Never fucking up anything” and it depicts how simple mistakes he commits would make him feel miserable. (cough this means the infinitesimal mistake probably pained him so much cough cough)

verse three shows us logan realizing that the perfect version he aims to be is actually… not so perfect. the lines “I’m so busy with everything / That I don’t look at anything” is logan getting a realization that he hates this. he hates aiming to be perfect, he hates how restricting himself, and this “perfect version” he aims to be is just bullshit. the lines “And it’s funny how I imagined / That I could be that person now / But that’s not what I wanted / If that’s what I wanted / Then I’d be giving up somehow / How strange to see / That I don’t wanna be the person that I want to be” suggest that logan realized that doing all this, aiming to be perfect, is hurting him. he didn’t want to be perfect. i also think that these lines show us that logan is finally prioritizing himself above all things because, evident in the songs before this, he always aimed to be perfect for others. he always saw himself as faulty and he always intended to fix himself. but this verse shows us that he realizes that he isn’t faulty, he isn’t a mistake, he isn’t someone who needs to improve. he realizes he’s in hurting and he gives in to it, realizing he just needs to give himself time to accept himself for who he is because again, he is enough.

the last verse has logan acknowledging that the “perfect version” he aims to accomplish is downright impossible. the lines “And maybe it’s funniest of all / To think I’ll die before I actually see / That I am exactly the person that I want to be.” shows logan finally acknowledging his self-worth. he finally admits he’s good enough, and laughs at his past self trying so hard to be perfect. he’s okay. he understands he’s good enough. (also i am very proud of him, you don’t understand how my heart is exploding rn)

not perfect by tim minchin has kind of the same message as the previous song. it’s quite heartwarming that at this point, logan’s starting to accept himself and he’s not afraid to say he isn’t perfect. in this song, the singer expresses the many things he holds dear in his life, and while he acknowledges that there are some flaws to everything, he still thinks of them fondly, telling us that no matter how un-perfect it is, it’s enough for him. there’s a repeated line of “It’s not perfect, but it’s mine” and it’s easy to say that logan is not only referring to himself, but he’s referring to the family he has as well. he’s been so hard on himself that whenever he sees a flaw in something, he immediately think it’s faulty. but here, he’s acknowledging that flaws are something normal, something okay to have, and instead of turning away from himself or the others, he begins to love himself and his family.

i think the most important verses would be the verses which sing about his body and his brain. it’s all gonna be repetitive, i know, but the lines “I spend so much time hating it [my body] but it never says a bad word about me” and “[This is my brain] where all my fucked up thoughts can hide / ‘Cause god forbid I hurt somebody” really emphasize how much logan struggled before he began to accept himself. while the first line suggests he struggled a lot with how he thinks of himself, the second speaks of how much thoughts he repressed because he wanted to be better for others. while i don’t think the thoughts are really “fucked up” like the lyric suggests, i think this mostly talks about his negative emotions and how he wanted to hide it from the others. but at the end, again, he eventually stops repressing his emotions and allows himself to let them out because it’s perfectly valid.

human by tank and the bangas has almost the same message as the previous two songs. what’s interesting is that logan uses knowledge and different facts to motivate himself to love himself. throughout the song, it tells us facts about our bodies which logan would definitely be fascinated by, and it’s soft to think that he values himself because he treasures the fact that we exist. we are made this way for a reason, everything in his body has been meticulously crafted to serve different purposes, and logan finds it amazing. not only does he use this to help motivate himself, but he uses this to love the other sides as well. in this song, it is implied that there has been a relationship that has gone wrong, and we can think of it as the friendship between logan and the others. while the relationship between logan and the others has been wonky, they will eventually make amends and be close again; logan just needs time to understand himself, to love himself, and when logan is finally okay, he and the other sides and start over. 

what i love about this song is not only is logan accepting himself but he is complimenting himself. while the last two songs are about him saying he’s enough, this song actually shows us that logan is starting to admire himself. he says he’s incredible and valuable, tougher than any superhero, and if that ain’t character development, i don’t know what is 

one last interesting bit is that these last three songs imply that logan honestly needs a break from everything. all this acceptance and loving yourself can only be achieved if logan takes a break from working. i think this implies logan will eventually isolate himself from the others in the series just for a few moments, just so he can finally help himself, and he can only reconnect with the others if and only if he takes care of himself first. 

time adventure from adventure time acknowledges eternalism wherein time is all an illusion and that there is no past or future, just the present tense. everything is currently set in the present, and whatever happened, happens, or is happening will exist forever because everything is set in the same time period which is the present. i think this song suggests that logan has already reconciled with himself and the others again and currently, he is happy with it. he uses this eternalism to emphasize how he treasures this moment of happiness so much. in this way, he can say that this happiness that he is experiencing right now will exist forever because it exists now. there’s not much more to say here than logan is finally happy, the others are happy with him, and he wants this moment of joy to happen forever. 

now that that’s over, i’m going to summarize my analysis of each song in the following bullet points so it can be easier to understand:

the elements by tom lehrer: logan values education and always aims make anything easily understandable for thomas.

white & nerdy by “weird al” yankovic: logan, while he is a nerd, also wants to appear as cool to fit in with the others.

algorhythm by childish gambino: logan feels like he’s being alienated by the group because he thinks differently from them, despite being correct.

fitter happier by radiohead: logan has high expectations for himself to be perfect but this also makes him feel trapped.

medicine by STRFKR: logan realizes being perfect means he might become lazy, and this first showcases logan questioning if aiming to be perfect is a valid thing to do. 

the breach by clipping.: logan is portrayed as someone who keeps control of everything thomas’s mind. without him, everything will disrupt into chaos.

letter c by zach sherwin: logan overthinks a lot about the insults he receives and wishes he can produce better comebacks so others might think he’s cool.

galaxy song from monty python: logan is fascinated by astronomy, bringing him comfort.

streaks by ANIMA!: thomas’s life being put-together is all thanks to logan. logan really should deserve more credit for building the person thomas is today.

erase me by ben folds five: logan feeds like he’s being disregarded and the others don’t know they are hurting him. he thinks erasing himself might make the others realize his worth, even if he sometimes lacks self-love.

art is dead by bo burnham: logan feels undignified with thomas’s career as an entertainer and he thinks roman is immature. then again, this song implies he wants to further understand roman.

equation by hans zimmer and camille: logan was stressed a lot when thomas was approaching adulthood and he thinks his job as logic is incredibly tough, making him miss it when thomas was a child, free of any responsibilities.

sunrise from in the heights: logan is fascinated by the fact that emotions can be a motivator for learning, something he has never thought of before.

one more time with feeling by regina spektor: the others finally understand what logan’s worth is when logan disappears, but the advice they give to him aren’t exactly the best but hey, they’re trying to reconcile with each other.

in my mind by amanda palmer: logan accepts the fact he can’t be perfect and the person he is now is enough.

not perfect by tim minchin: logan begins to understand that the most un-perfect thinks could be the things he loves the most, and he begins to love himself more, thinking it’s enough.

human by tank and the bangas: logan finds comfort in facts as it makes him feel more empowered. these facts make him fascinated with himself, as well as find fascination in the other sides.

time adventure from adventure time: he finally reconciles with the others, reconciles with himself, and he wants the happiness he feels now to exist forever.

now, thomas mentioned in a tweet to listen to them in order. i do think the playlist is meant to foreshadow what’s to happen to logan’s arc. these are a few thoughts that i have that might occur in logan’s arc:

all of logan’s problems definitely stem from him wanting to be cool enough for the other sides. because he wants to be perceived as cool and the others don’t really think of him that way, he begins devaluing himself. this problem eventually evolves, and instead of wanting to be cool, logan wants to be absolutely flawless, and he is abusing himself because of it.

roman is definitely someone with a crucial role in logan’s arc. this playlist references roman more than the other sides and while i don’t know what his role is, i do think he is one of the main people who will help logan during his arc.

with songs like erase me and one more time with feeling, i have a very heavy feeling that logan will duck out or disappear. he did get the epiphany that the others will only see his worth if he is gone, and this might happen during his arc.

ONE LAST THING: thomas tweeted this: 

it is suspicious to me that he says that this is only PART of the reason why. there is a bigger reason to why logan didn’t put crofters the musical on his playlist, and i can only think of two reasons why. one would be he didn’t want to hurt roman since it was evident that logan respects the other sides, especially roman. another is that he isn’t embarrassed by his singing per se, but he is embarrassed with himself. he was too immature, too incompetent, and because logan longs to be perfect, he might consider crofters the musical as a mistake he committed. 

(also, if logan is ashamed of not putting crofters the musical and is hesitant to show us this playlist, does he mean he still is suffering now?)

anywho, conclusion: logan is sad, give him some love, and i hope he knows we love him for who he is. remember that my interpretation is my interpretation, not in any form fact, so if i’m wrong, i’m wrong, and that’s okay! again, feel free to add anything to this and have your own interpretations because i’d love to hear them!

[harley-sunday]

The Draw [15]

Summary: The whirlwind starts at the 2018 ACE Comic Con in Phoenix but you’re not sure where it will end...

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x reader (f)

Warnings: Language. Smut. NSFW.

Word count: 4174

AN: This took me a little (lot) longer than expected, but it’s finally here. And boy, is it fluffy. So I hope you’ll enjoy :)  I’m not sure if I can manage to get everything I still want to write in one chapter or if there’ll be more, so something to look forward to, I suppose... Either way, please let me know what you think. Validation and all that. ♥

Masterlist

“Not a good time,” you echo, taking a step back as a physical reaction to his rejection, “got it.” 

Pursing your lips to keep from crying you offer him a curt nod before you turn around and walk back through the corridor towards the elevator. It takes every bit of restraint not to start running and so you think you actually hear a woman’s voice coming from inside his room when you’re about halfway, which would explain why he wouldn’t let you in. The elevator’s quick to arrive once you’ve pushed the call button rather frantically, and when you step inside you keep your eyes trained on the floor, not particularly wanting to catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirrors lining the walls. 

The two girls at the front desk eye you suspiciously when you pass them, no doubt wondering if something’s wrong, but you ignore them. At least they’ll have something to gossip about, you think wryly. 

Are you surprised to find the taxi stand empty once you get outside? No, not really anyway, because that’s just the day it’s turning out to be. Not looking forward to hanging around until a car magically appears you try to remember where you came from and start heading in that direction. The drive over here was short so it can’t be that far, you reason. The sun’s hanging low in the sky and there’s a gentle breeze that makes it rather nice outside, but you’re too busy trying not to break down and cry to notice. 

You’re so lost in your own thoughts that you don’t notice there’s someone coming after you until you hear your name being called and realize it’s not the first time you’ve heard it in the past minute or so. You recognise the voice, of course you do, and for a moment you contemplate to just keep walking, but you know he’ll catch up with you anyway and so you turn around, a rather defeated, “What?” escaping you.

He stops a few feet away from you, holding up his hands to let you know he’s not here to harm you in any way even though the thought never even crossed your mind. He’s not like Mark. Thank God. He runs a hand through his hair before he looks up at you, “I’m sorry.” 

It sounds so sincere that you wonder what it is he’s apologizing for, because it must be something big and so immediately you expect the worst - he’s with someone else and sorry you had to find out this way. The tears that you have been trying to hold back finally spill over and roll down your cheeks. You lower your head, feeling such an immense sense of loss of what could have been that it physically hurts. 

“Hey,” his voice is soft and much closer, his hand under your chin then to make you look up at him. 

You want to tell him to make it quick, because there’s no need to drag this out any longer, but you’re sobbing uncontrollably and couldn’t get a word out if you tried. 

“Will you please come with me?”

The question surprises you and he must realize it too, because he quickly adds, “There’s someone I’d like you to meet.” Then, when he sees the confusion on your face, “I need you to trust me on this, ok?”

Trying to take deep breaths to calm yourself down, you nod, but then you point to your face, which is no doubt blotchy with streaks of mascara and eyeliner running from your eyes, and let out a humorless laugh. You must be quite the sight.

He smiles and uses his thumbs to wipe away whatever’s on your cheeks before he presses a kiss to your forehead, “All done.” He takes your hand then and leads you back to the hotel, the two girls at the front desk trying their hardest not to stare when you pass them for the third time in not even twenty minutes. 

The elevator ride is silent, but he doesn’t let go of your hand and it feels good to be this close to him again even though you’re still not sure what exactly is going on. It isn’t until he opens the door of his room and you see who’s sitting on a chair in the little lounge area to your right, recognizing her from pictures in his apartment, that you let out a sigh of relief.

“Dragă,” the woman says as she gets up, holding out her arms for a hug as she walks towards you. 

You can feel yourself starting to cry again when she holds you, quietly berating yourself for assuming the worst, yet at the same time very relieved that it’s his mother who’s in his room. Like Sebastian did earlier she runs her thumbs over your cheeks to dry your eyes once she’s pulled back, her kind eyes letting you know it’s ok. She winks at you and then gently pushes you to face Sebastian. 

You shake your head at him, “I’m so sorry.” 

“You kids have a lot to talk about,” his mother says then, before she steps around you and kisses his cheek, “I’ll get out of your way, but promise me you two will have dinner with me tomorrow?”

Sebastian nods, “I’ll call you.” 

“You do that,” his mother says with a grin as she closes the door behind her. 

“She always spends her summer holidays in Romania,” he offers once he’s turned back to you, “so she’s spending a couple of days with me before she flies to Constanta next week.”

You nod, still a little lost for words.

He grabs a bottle of wine and two glasses from somewhere and tells you to follow him outside. The balcony he leads you onto basks in the last of the evening sun, with a comfortable lounge set on your left and it’s there you sit down. He has the corner room and so there’s only one neighboring balcony, but it’s separated from his with a high stone wall and so it doesn’t really feel like you’re in a hotel, what with all the privacy it offers. 

Taking the now full glass of wine from him with a quiet, “Thank you,” you watch him as he sits down, keeping a little bit of distance between the two of you. You decide it’s best to just bite the bullet and so you shift in your seat, folding your leg under you so you can face him before you admit, “Listen, I fucked up and I’m really sorry.” Taking a deep breath, you allow yourself a moment before you continue, “I should have told my parents about you sooner and I get why it made you upset. I just- I’m sorry.” 

“Thank you,” he replies, the hint of a comforting smile playing on his lips. He clears his throat then, “But I shouldn’t have run out on you like that. It’s uh- It’s not a very mature thing to do.” 

“Oh please,” you say, shaking your head, “I would have done the same.” 

He smiles, for real then, “You would have.” 

“I really don’t want to make any excuses-”

“Then don’t,” he says, his voice soft and kind. “We’re not teenagers anymore, you know, there’s no clean slate. There are things from our past that have made us the way we are and I think the challenge for us, maybe, is to try and not compare this to anything else. Accept that this is something completely new that we have a chance to shape into whatever we want it to be.”

“Hmm,” you agree, because it makes sense. Smiling you let your eyes fall to your lap, “It’s a learning curve for sure. I never- What you just said about us having a chance to shape this, I don’t know, I really like that idea because-” you look up, your eyes finding his, “-this feels different somehow. There’s something between us that I haven’t experienced before, like a push and pull that makes us work.” 

“There’s a draw between us, for sure,” he agrees. “And I know we have some odds stacked against us with the career I have, but I really think we can make this work.” He motions for you to come closer then, “I want us to make this work.” You sit down next to him, your back resting against his chest as he drapes his arm across your shoulder and presses a kiss to your temple, “We good?” 

“More than,” you say as you lace your fingers through his, softly kissing the back of his hand. God, it feels good to be this close to him again and so there’s a sly smile on your lips when you say, “You know what would make this even better?”

“Oh, fuck,” you curse quietly, trying your hardest to keep your voice down, your hands bunching up the fabric of your dress that he’s pushed up over your hips not long ago. One of your hands lets go then, making its way in between your legs and into his hair, holding him into place, chasing a high that undoubtedly will follow soon. You throw your head back and realize it’s dark outside, a new moon high in the sky above you. 

His tongue is attacking your clit with vigor, sometimes joined by his teeth gently scraping over the tiny bud in a way that makes you want to scream out even though you know you can’t. He has one finger inside of you already and there's promise of a second, which you hope will join soon because you are right on the edge. 

Your legs have been resting on his shoulders all this time, but you push them further apart, digging your heels into the edge of the seat you’re sitting on, granting him more access. His second finger slides in then and you feel your eyes roll back in pure bliss, rocking your hips to make him go in even deeper. “I’m about to-”

You don’t get to finish that sentence, because it’s at that moment he curls his fingers just right while sucking on your clit with a determination that has you come so hard you forget how to breathe for a moment. Which at least helps you keep quiet. He pulls his fingers back and grabs onto your thighs, holding you in place as he laps at your juices, helping you get down from your high in a way only he can. You’re actually whimpering then, because fuck, it feels so good. 

Once your breathing is back to normal he lets go and pulls back, the lust still darkening his eyes. You grab the collar of his shirt and pull him in for a kiss, licking his lips to taste the sweet mix of you and him before your tongue finds his. You moan when he ends the kiss to take a hold of your hands, gently pulling you to your feet, and so you’re pouting a little at the loss of contact. 

He looks at you, eyes even more dark and his voice low and hoarse when he says, “You’re way too loud for me to fuck you outside.”

Fuck. You might have just come again just now, and so you press your legs together to try and relieve some of the tension but fail miserably.

He leads you inside and has you stand in front of the bed, where he makes you turn around so he can unzip your dress, his mouth trailing kisses down your back the further down the zipper goes. Once he pushes it off your shoulders the fabric pools at your feet with ease and you step out of it, your hands reaching for his jeans. He gently swats them away and mutters something that sounds like, “Bed. Now.” 

You sit down, back resting against the headboard as you watch him take off his clothes, licking your lips absentmindedly when he pulls down his boxers and his cock springs free. What you wouldn’t give to taste him right now, you muse, but you know from the way he pushed your hands away you know you will have to wait. 

He pumps himself a few times, until he’s completely hard, and then kneels onto the bed, leaning down so he can kiss you. Hard. His mouth travels from your jaw to just below your ear then, where he finds your pulse point. He nips at it, teeth scraping your skin before he puts his mouth to your ear and whispers, “On your knees, sweetheart. Ass up.” 

He’s never been like this, never told you what to do, and so you’re a little surprised and a lot turned on and you do exactly like he’s asked. When you look at him from over your shoulder once you’re where he wants you, he throws you a wink and grabs your hips, pulling you a little closer. One hand lets go then, grabbing his cock and guiding it towards you, the tip of it sliding through your folds in a way that is both a turn-on and a tease. When he’s sufficiently lubed up he lines himself up and then, without warning, thrusts forward, filling you completely. He holds still for a moment and just as you marvel at how big he is, he pulls all the way back before he fills you up once more. Both his hands are on your hips again, holding you in place as he finds his rhythm, no longer pulling all the way out, and you can’t help but moan because of how good it feels. 

One of his hands slides down your stomach to your clit then, his fingers expertly finding the bud and giving it some much needed attention. You can tell he’s close from the way his breathing picks up and so you start rocking your hips to meet his thrusts, wanting him to know you’re right there with him. He curses quietly and pinches your clit between two of his fingers just as he slams into you and then both of you come at the same time, you with a loud, “Fuck,” and him leaning down and softly biting down on your shoulder while he fills you.

The sun is high in the sky by the time you finally make your way out of his bed, even though he’s been up for a while already. You vaguely recall Room Service being delivered at some point and as a result there’s a fruit salad waiting for you on the counter top of the kitchenette. Grabbing a fork from the drawer before you pick up the bowl you make your way outside and join him on the balcony. The shirt you’re wearing is his and barely covers your ass and so you made sure to put your panties on even though he mutters something about you looking even better naked, his fingers ghosting over the skin of your thighs as you pass him. You throw him a wink before you sit down next to him and turn towards him, letting your feet rest in his lap while you get some much needed vitamins. 

His hand strokes your bare legs absentmindedly, “They’re gonna need me on set this afternoon and tonight.” 

“Oh,” you nod, “ok.” 

“I called my mom already,” he smiles, “and she wants to know if maybe you’d like to have dinner with her instead? Just the two of you.”

You try to gauge his reaction, wondering how he feels about this, but he keeps his expression neutral and so you reply, “Yeah, I’d like that,” because you really do.

“Yeah?” His smile grows wider, “Good. If you give me the address of your hotel I’ll ask if she can meet you there at seven.”

“What time do you have to leave?”

He checks his phone and sighs, before he looks back at you, “They’re picking me up in an hour.”

“An hour, huh?” You raise an eyebrow as you put the now empty bowl down on the table, gently nudging his leg with your foot, “There’s a lot we can still do in an hour.” 

He grins, “I guess there is.” 

You’re at the small desk in your hotel room, checking up on your email and answering what you can from here when your phone lights up, ‘Mr Smooth’ flashing across the screen as it rings. Sliding your finger across the screen you accept the call, smiling when you put the phone to your ear, “Hi.” 

“Hey,”

There’s a lot of background noise on his end and so you pause the music you were playing and up the volume on your phone, “You ok?” 

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” you hear him chuckle. “How was dinner with my mom?”

“Really nice,” you admit easily. “I had a great time.” It’s true. You were nervous at first but already after a few minutes you felt completely at ease with Georgeta and loved hearing her stories of Sebastian growing up. 

“So did she,” he says, sounding sort of proud. “She really likes you.” Before you have a chance to reply he continues, “I’m going to have to keep this short, I’m sorry. I’m on set and they’ve changed some of the schedule around so I’m on location for the next four days-”

“Oh,” you pout, even though he can’t see you, but then you realize you showed up here as unannounced as it gets and so it shouldn’t be a surprise he has prior commitments and so you quickly add, “that’s ok.” 

“They gave me Friday off, though, so cancel whatever plans you had, ok?” He says something to someone then before he comes back on the line, “I’m really sorry, babe, they need me on set, but I’ll pick you up at ten Friday, ok?” 

“Yeah,” you smile, “you do that.”

The sun’s out in full force on Friday and you hope that whatever he has planned for today will be an outdoor activity because at least there’s a slight breeze to offer some relief every now and then. You grab your sunglasses and purse, before you take your keycard out of the lightswitch and head out, excited to see him again. 

The girl at the front desk flags you over once you get to the lobby and tells you there’s a message for you, handing you an envelope with what you now know is Sebastian’s handwriting. You smile when you read the note inside

There’s a car waiting for you outside. See you soon.

When the driver sees you coming down the front steps he opens the back door and greets you with a curt nod as you get in. It’s nice and cool inside the car and you are curious to see where you’re off to, but this is Greece and so everything is new to you. You admire the olive trees lining the streets as the driver weaves in and out of traffic effortlessly even though the streets are narrow and it’s still quite busy. You’ve been driving for about ten minutes when suddenly you see the sea in front of you and it’s then the driver turns left before driving onto the parking lot of what you assume is a marina. He hands you another envelope before he gets out and opens your door.

“Thank you,” you say as you get out, smiling at him.

“Enjoy your day,” he says, nodding towards the docks, his English laced with the most wonderful Greek accent.

You thank him once again and watch as he drives off, waving when he turns onto the main road before you open the envelope he gave you. Inside is a folded up plan of the marina, dock A-12 circled in red ink, and you’re quick to find out it’s somewhere on your left. 

Of course Sebastian’s already waiting for you on the dock once you get there and you can’t help but smile as you walk towards him. He looks as handsome as ever, the moss green shirt he’s wearing, paired with jean shorts and white sneakers, looking very familiar. It isn’t until you remember you’re wearing a blue and white striped top and navy wide legged linen pants that you realize you both are wearing a summer version of what you had on during your first date. Which seems very fitting in this setting.

He holds his hand out to help you down from the dock onto the platform, pulling you close so he can kiss you once you’re next to him, “Hi.”

“Hey,” you reply before giving him another kiss. You pull back then and can’t help but laugh, “This all looks very familiar.” 

“It does,” he agrees with a wicked smile, leading you towards the thirty foot yacht that’s docked on his right. He steps on board, never letting go of your hand, helping you down the steps with ease. 

Like Los Angeles, the yacht comes with a captain and a deckhand and so once again you find yourself on the upper deck, albeit much closer to Sebastian this time, your back leaning against his chest while he whispers sweet nothings into your ear.

It’s perfect and you wish you could stop this moment in time, enjoy it a little longer before you have to fly back tomorrow and start work again on Monday and even more so because you know you won’t get to see him for a long time. 

“Where’s your head at?”

His voice interrupts your thoughts and even though you don’t want to dampen the mood, you know it’s best to be honest, “Not seeing you for five weeks once I leave tomorrow.”

He kisses your temple, “it’ll be over before you know it.” You start to protest but he’s quick to continue, “l don’t have anything else lined up until early September, and I promise you to spend as much time as I can with you.” He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you closer, mouth next to your ear again as he chuckles, “Right until you get sick of me.” 

“Never,” you reply, shaking your head. You tilt your head back and kiss his cheek to make your point.

“Never?” 

“Never.” 

“Good,” he loosens his grip and puts his hands so he can maneuver you onto his lap, letting them rest on your hips once you’re facing him. He smiles at you, “We should spend some time together in Charlotte.” 

“Hmm,” you agree, your hands resting on his shoulders before you lean in and kiss him, “I’d like that.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,”you give him another kiss, “you still have to meet my parents after all.”

He chuckles, hands now roaming under your top, “That I do.” 

A shiver then, when his fingers trace your spine with a featherlight touch. “Seb,” you hiss, leaning your forehead against his, grinding your hips to relieve some of the tension that has started to build up.

He just grins, a mischievous look in his eyes, continuing on like nothing happened, “After that some time in New York? Maybe book a trip out of the country the week before I have to leave?”

“Deb’s gonna kill me,” you mutter quitely.

“Oh, come on,” he counters, “Deb loves you.” 

“Not enough to give me four weeks off,” you reply with a sigh, although you’re already starting to toy with the idea of taking a few weeks of unpaid leave, “but maybe I can work something out.” 

“I’d like that,” he says, leaning closer so his lips find yours again.

The kiss is slow and comfortable and his hands are back on your hips then and for a moment, just a moment, time does seem to slow down and it feels like you got your wish. 

Your goodbye on Saturday morning is cut short when he gets a call that lets him know he’s needed on set in an hour and so all of a sudden you have to rush and it makes you a little sad because you were supposed to have at least a few more hours together. 

He seems to understand your change of mood and holds out his hand once he’s finished the call, pulling you to your feet from where you were sitting on the bed and into him, his arms wrapping around you as he kisses your forehead but doesn’t say anything.

A ragged breath escapes you and it makes him pull you even closer and then you just stand there, holding each other, but for some reason it feels like the most intimate thing you’ve ever done. After a while you pull back a little and look up at him with what you hope is a brave smile, “I love you.” 

“I love you,” he replies before he leans down and kisses you, “and I’ll be seeing you.” 

[outlawsworld]

Trusting Strangers - Chapter 10

Arthur Morgan x Female reader

Summary: Reader and Arthur's relationship is growing. You go on a job together and end up with a night under the stars.

Warnings: violence, mentions of rape and a whole lat of fluff.

Notes: This chapter was so much fun to write! I hope you are still enjoying it and don't forget to let me know what you think and like and reblog ❤️ I've got so many ideas of what's going to happen so please bare with me! 🤠

Chapter 1

--

You walked into your tent feeling the rush of excitement wanting to burst out of you. Every inch of your body was ecstatic and you jumped around your tent quietly letting a small burst of your happiness out before you exploded. Your cheeks started to ache from smiling so much and you could feel the hot redness filling them. The last thing you expected from tonight was to end it in Arthur's arms again, with his soft lips against yours. Only this time he didn't pull away from you, he didn't leave you standing in the woods alone. You undressed into your nightwear and laid on your cot staring at the tent ceiling. Your eyes were dry from such a long day but you couldn't sleep with the thoughts of the night flooding your head. It must have been the early hours of the morning before sleep finally took over your body. When you woke up your body were sore. You hadn't had much sleep over the last couple of days because of everything being on your mind and it was starting to take it's toll. As you sat up from your cot your eyes suddenly widened as you realised that what had happened last night wasn't a dream. Quickly you pulled on your trousers and blue shirt. You fell over whilst trying to pull your boots on, rushing, eager to see Arthur. As you stepped out of your tent you saw the rest of camp was already in full flow. Everyone was already going about their daily chores, the sun was high in the sky and the morning birds had already sang their songs. You must have slept in, which was a first for you. As you scanned the camp you found that Arthur had already gotten up and left, Dutch and Bill too. Then your eyes landed on a very angry looking Mrs Grimshaw. Your eyes met which meant there was no escaping her wrath now. She marched over to you as you still stood in front of your tent, looking very much bewildered by the fact you had slept in.

''Miss (Y/N)'' Mrs Grimshaw was now directly in front of you. ''Are you feeling well rested?'' she looked at your face sternly waiting for an answer.

''I guess, Mrs Grimshaw'' you looked at your feet trying to ignore her gaze.

''Good, now get to your chores. Seen as this is not a usual thing for you I will let you off'' she smiled at you. ''Don't let it happen' again'' she pointed her finger at you before marching over to Pearson. You smirked under your breath. You knew she was the one that let you sleep for so long, she must have known how little rest you were actually getting. However, she needed to act tough in camp and if anyone knew you had gotten away with it then there would be hell on. Charles and Kieran had already done all your chores with the horses so you spent the day washing clothes in the river. You didn't mind it so much when you were now able to sit on the sand and look out across the water. No one disturbed you except Sadie who came to wash the pots beside you for a bit. She was curing Pearson again for treating her like a maid.

''I'd love to shove that stew pot up where the sun don't shine'' she giggled. ''Damn bastard''.

''I won't be eatin' my food from that again'' you both laughed as you carried on with your chores.

''So....'' she paused looking at you with a intrigued smile on her face. You glanced at her furrowing your brow in anticipation to what she was about to say. ''Where did you and Arthur sneak off to last night?''. You felt as if your heart momentarily stop beating and a flush of heat rose to your cheeks.

''Sadie Adler'' you shook your head at her. ''I didn't take you for a gossipin' kinda gal''.

''Oh I ain't but I saw the way you looked at each other whilst dancing'' her voice was soft now and joking aside. ''then you run off into the woods'' she cocked her eyebrow at you before a devilish smile appeared. ''Can't fool me. I know something goin' on. You two have been ignorin' each other for days and then suddenly you are back smilin' again. I ain't a gossip, I'm just nosey''. You couldn't help but laugh at her comments. Sadie was probably the only girl you trusted with something like this, she was the most like you. She wasn't a fan of gossip and you knew she wouldn't tell the others. Your rose cheeks had already given away your secret. ''I won't tell anyone, I promise'' she pleaded whilst motioning a cross on her heart. You scan around to make sure no one was lurking or close enough to hear your convocation. 

''Alright, alright but you don't tell a sole'' you sighed, defeated. ''I ain't good at this and to be honest I didn't want anyone knowin' until we had figured it out'' you took one more quick look around before closing the distance between you and Sadie. ''So, I kinda care for him....a lot. We've been spendin' so much time together that I didn't even realise I had feelin's for him. Nothing too excitin' happened in the woods last night. We just talked and.....Well... we kissed but that's it'' you spoke in a whisper. Sadie's jaw dropped slightly before she smiled.

''I knew it'' she cheered quietly. ''So why the hell were you both igorin' each other for so long?''. You explained the situation to her and spoke about all the confusing feeling you had. Sadie listened to every word intently, you didn't realise how relieving it was to actually speak to someone about everything. It was as though a big weight had been lifted off of you and you could understand your feelings a lot more. You had learnt to keep your feeling to yourself but being able to talk to someone made you feel so much lighter.

''Well I'm glad, for both of your sakes, that you worked it out'' she smiled sweetly at you. ''Can't believe out of all the men in the world to be sweet on, Arthur Morgan, was the one for ya'' she teased you. You both giggle as you finished the last of the clothes that needed washing before gathering them up and heading back into camp. Sadie stayed at the river side, trying to prolong facing Pearson again. As you were hanging up the wet clothes to dry you heard Uncle call you which drew your attention to him. He was stood by one of the big trees in camp with Arthur, who must have returned from his job this morning. Uncle also called Bill and Charles over to him which made you wonder if you were going to be asked to go on a job. You slowly made your way over to the four men smiling sweetly as you and Arthur briefly made eye contact.

''What are you talkin' about?'' Bill asked, clearly irritated by the old man.

''Arthur, is above a little stick up I heard about'' Uncle teased which Arthur immediately took offence to and was quick to defend himself.

''No I'm not'' he growled.

''But you just said.....''

''Hey I'll do it'' he cut Uncle off before giving a devilish grin. ''As long as you ride with us'' he pointed at Uncle who's face went pale. You, Charles and Bill all glanced at each other amused by the shock on Uncles face.

''I got a serious medical condition'' he fumbles for an excuse. Arthur started to laugh in the old mans face.

''Yes, you are a compulsive liar'' Arthur chuckled whilst taking a drag from his cigarette.

''No need to be like that'' Uncle turned his attention to you and Charles. ''Charles, (Y/N), have I ever lied to you?''.

''I hardly know you'' Charles responded confused by the question.

''Don't look at me, I've been here for less time then Charles'' you smirked. Arthur wouldn't back down, if Uncle didn't ride with you all, then the job wasn't happening. It didn't take long before Uncle gave in and agreed to help before mounting up. He explained that it was a supply wagon carrying payroll which supposedly won't be guarded.

''As long as we get paid or you get shot, I'm happy'' Arthur bellowed before putting out his cigarette and mounting up. You couldn't help but giggle under your breath at the way he antagonised the old man. Charles, Bill and yourself also mounted your horses and followed Uncle out of camp. You rode beside Arthur and noticed the Deputy badge pinned to his shirt.

''Law man now, huh?'' you teased pointing out the golden badge.

''Seems like it'' he smirked back at you. ''Somethin' to do with Dutch's plan apparently''.

''I hope you don't get too attached to it or you'll be takin' us all in yourself''.

''I guess we will have to see'' he teased you back. Your heart lit up when he looked at you, he always managed to spark something warm inside your chest whenever your eyes met. When you reached the location that the wagon would be passing through your mind was elsewhere, so much so that you almost ran into Charles' horse. Your cheeks blushed with embarrassment as Arthur watched you fumble back into reality with a smirk on his face. The five of you waited patiently for the wagon to appear over the hill. Uncle was right, it wasn't guarded, just the driver and one other man. You rode over as it turned off at the crossroad. Bill heckled them to pull over and Uncle stopped his horse in front of them so they had to stop. Bill had his gun on one man and you had yours pointed at the other while Charles and Arthur looked in the back and grabbed what they could. You looked over your shoulder and saw another wagon quickly coming down the track.

''Shit, we've got company'' you yelled. The wagon coming down the track was being followed by men on horses with guns who had spotted you trying to rob the other wagon. Before you knew it they were coming after you. ''Charles, Arthur, hurry up. We need to get outta here''. They quickly jumped from the wagon and mounted there horses before the five of you galloped away from the on coming attack. Bullets were flying past you, barely missing you and the men were gaining speed. You spurred Dallas into a faster gallop as you grabbed your rifle from over your shoulder. Arthur and Bill were already shooting back at the men who were on your tail. You turned in your saddle, hoping Dallas would follow Uncle and Charles, as you began to fire back at the men. A bullet flew right past your shoulder and you aimed your rifle at the man who fired it, taking him down with one headshot. The three of you managed to pick off a couple of them but there were too many.

''Quick, get of the trail. Into the woods'' Uncle called out to you all. You turned back in your saddle and followed him with Arthur close behind you. The five of you galloped through the trees, getting hit from small branches that you were unable to duck under. A small house with a barn was just on the other side of the trees which would be a good place to hide and lay low. You followed the boys by dismounting Dallas and giving him a small slap to flee the area before going into the barn to take cover and rest. For now it looked like you had lost them but you knew the best thing was to wait until it was dark before leaving for camp. You went to the back of the barn, hidden behind a stall wall, and sat down with your back leaning against the wooden panel. This would be the last place to look if someone came in as it had great cover, just in case you fell asleep. The others stayed at the front of the barn, out of view from you but you could hear their mumblings. Charles was on watch and you soon heard the light snoring coming from Uncle and Bill.

''You alright?'' you looked up to see Arthur's tall figure stood looking down over you.

''Yeah, how about yourself?'' you asked in a hushed voice. He came and sat right next to you, not leaving much space between the both of you.

''I'm alright'' he smiled sweetly at you. ''Shouldn't be too long till it gets dark and we can get outta here. He's a fool that old man''.

''Better then delivering letters'' you smirked trying to lighten the mood. Arthur nodded in agreement. You wanted to carry on the convocation but you knew it was better to keep quiet in case there were any men looking for you outside. Instead you shuffled closer to him and rested your head on his broad shoulder. He slightly tensed at first but then rested his cheek on your head as he relaxed. It was a good job the others couldn't see you now or they would definitely know something was going on between the two of you. The comfort of having him right beside you meant you slowly kept on falling in and out of sleep. You felt his warmth as you leant against him, each deep breath he took and the hitch in his breath whenever you moved because he didn't want to disturb you. When you woke up fully, you realised Arthur had also fallen asleep next to you with his head still resting on yours but it had gotten dark outside so you knew you had to wake him. Gently you placed your hand on his chest and shook him. He was an extremely light sleeper and that was enough to alert him, he sat upright before turning to you. His eyes looked deep into yours as he moved his hand to gently caress your cheek before placing a light kiss on your lips. The small gesture ignited the warm feeling in your chest and you couldn't help the shy smile you gave him as he stood up to wake the others. You took a deep breath to remind yourself of the situation at hand, rather then keeping your mind on Arthur, and stood up to return to the others. There was a light coming from the house as a couple of men approached the front door. It was a couple of the men from earlier asking the owners of the property if they had noticed anyone running through here.

''Damn. L-L-L-L-Let's just....Keep this calm'' Arthur instructed. ''See what happens''. You all took cover in the barn hiding behind pillars and stall walls. You found yourself in the same place you had been in all night, crouched down, occasionally looking around the stall wall to see what was happening. The owner pointed out that he heard noises at the barn where you were currently taking cover. Two men approached the barn quietly and began to look round. The five of you remained still as the men searched the barn.

''The place looks empty to me'' one of the men shouted to the other. He was about to walk away when Bill kicked an empty can by his foot which caused the man to turn back realising we were all hidden there. God damn it Bill. Is he not capable of staying hidden.

''Shit'' Bill cursed as he shot the man at the front of the barn. The men from the house were alerted by this and started firing on all of you. You got up from your cover and ran to the front of the barn to shoot at the men coming from the house. It was dark and misty which made it hard for you to see where the men firing at you were coming from. You could only see outlines of people as they moved and they now had you surrounded. Charles and yourself were still based at the front of the barn, gunning down anyone coming from the house while Arthur, Bill and Uncle took on the others coming from the side. The men were coming out of nowhere and there was no way of telling how many were firing at you. There was a bright glow coming from the corner of the barn, you turned to see that one of the men had thrown there lanterns which had smashed setting fire to the dry wood.

''Shit.....Fire'' Charles shouted to all of you. The fire grew rapidly, like an untameable stallion rising up. Before you knew it the fire had spread to the roof of the barn and the smoke was burning at the back of your throat everytime you took a breath.

''If we don't get outta here soon....we're gonna be charcoal'' Arthur was now by your side, blocking the small bits of debris that was falling from the roof from hitting you. You took a step back, looking up to the roof that was about to concave and engulf you all in flames.

''This way'' you herd Bill call out to you from the back of the barn. He had found a small opening that you could climb through to get out. The heat from the burning wood was kissing your skin and you could barely see through the smoke. You followed Bill and Uncle out of the small gap with Charles and Arthur right behind you. Taking a deep breath of fresh air as you ran back towards the trees for cover. You decided to split up into two groups. Arthur was with Uncle and Charles with Bill.

''(Y/N), with us'' Charles beckoned you to follow him. You and Arthur quickly glanced at each other not wanting to leave one another but you had no time to think or argue. Following Charles and Bill, you quickly ran through the woods and tried to find some cover. "If you do anything stupid Mr Williamson, you're on your own" Charles threatened as Bill scoffed back at him. There were some big boulders that the three of you managed to hide behind. You managed to catch your breath while crouching down for cover, listening to any oncoming people. A small group of men soon appeared in the tree line with their rifles at the ready. The three of you remained quiet as you aimed your guns at the men walking in your direction. You waited for Charles to give you the signal to shoot but you heard shots being fired from deeper in the woods. They were coming from where Arthur and Uncle had gone. The group of men turned their attention to the sounds.

''Come on boys. That way'' one of them spoke up. Just as they were about to run off to the noises. Charles stood up shouting at you to fire. All three of you were now shooting at the group of men. They immediately took cover but between the three of you, you managed to take some of them out. Your shots were now useless as the bullets were bouncing off the trees. The best way of getting to them was to flank them. You shot Charles a quick look which he nodded at, knowing exactly what needed to be done. Charles and Bill both stood trying to draw the men's fire as you took the opportunity to sneak round and attack them from behind. You kept crouched down as you quietly made your way around them, keeping yourself in the shadows. There were four men left and you had a good shot on all of them from your new position. You took cover behind a tree and noticed Arthur and Uncle had now joined Charles and Bill behind the rock. Arthur managed to kill one of the four men as the man glanced out from behind his cover. Leaving only three to deal with. You aimed your rifle at the first man, taking him out smoothly. The other two men turned to you as you had now given away your position. Shots were now being aimed at you, you crouched behind the tree for cover knowing that this would give the boys the opportunity to approach them and take out the last two men. Arthur and Bill did just that and the two men fell down dead.

''We all still alive?'' Arthur asked. You stood up from behind the tree and regrouped with the four men.

''Just about'' Bill answered gruffly.

''Yeah, I'll deal with you later'' Arthur turned his attention to Uncle. His brow was furrowed and his face had gone red with anger.

''We got some money, didn't we?'' Uncle defended himself.

''Leave it, go on, get out of here'' Arthur shooed them all away. ''Everyone split up, come on, get going''.

''Good luck gents, (Y/N)'' Charles nodded to you and you watched as they all left in different directions. You were about to run off in another direction when Arthur gabbed your arm.

''Not you'' he smirked. ''You're comin' with me Darlin'.'' the rumble in his tone made you shiver. You followed him through the woods as he whistled for his horse. Dallas was nowhere to be seen but you suspected he would have gone back to camp. Siego came cantering over, through the trees to you both . Arthur mounted then held out his hand to help you to sit up, behind the saddle. Once you were both on you wrapped your arms round Arthur's waste to keep balanced and he kicked Siego into a steady canter. You had plenty of practise riding bareback so keeping stable on the back of the horse wasn't too hard a task for you. The smell of cigarettes and whiskey reminted from Arthur's shirt as you clung onto him. ''You alright back there'' he shouted to you as he placed on hand to rest gently on your lower thigh.

''Yeah, just fine'' you smiled at his touch. ''Where are we goin'?''.

''I wanna show you somethin'.'' you rode together quietly until Arthur turned off the track and up a steep hill through some trees. You stared blankly through the trees to try and understand why he had brought you to this place. ''Here'' he pulled Siego to a halt and dismounted before helping you down. ''Follow me'' he pulled out his lantern and lit it as you followed him up the rest of the hill until you came to a clearing where Arthur stopped. It was a small patch of open grass right on the very peak of the hill. You turned to him, cocking an eyebrow at him, confused to why he brought you to this little area. He smirked when he saw your confusion. ''Look up''. You did as he said and looked into the pitch black night sky.

''I don't see much, just a couple stars'' you pointed out.

''Keep lookin'.'' Arthur spoke softly as he blew out the lantern. Suddenly the black sky was filled with millions of stars that filled the darkness with light and colour. You had never seen anything so beautiful in your whole life. Each star was visible and glowing so brightly that you didn't need any lights to see. Your jaw dropped and your eyes widened at the spectacle of the night sky.

''It's beautiful'' you spoke breathlessly. ''How did you find this place?'' you didn't want to look away in case your eyes were playing tricks on you.

''I stumbled across it one night as I was out thinkin'. Thought you might like it'' Arthur sat in the grass. You decided to lay down next to him and stare at the sky, he followed you and laid his back on the grass.

''What were you thinkin' bout?'' you turned to look at him. The light from the stars twinkled in his eyes as he faced you too.

''You'' he admitted. He lent up on one elbow so he could hover almost above you. ''You're all I ever think about'' he paused looking deeply into your eyes. That warm feeling in your chest came back, you bit your bottom lip whilst he looked over you. Every inch of you was trembling with a mix of excitement and nerves. Heat rushed to your cheeks and you could feel flutters in your stomach. He was so close to you that you could feel his breath on your skin. You longed for him, looking at his lips, only inches away from yours. He took your glances as a plea and leant in to kiss you gently. Your whole body began to tingle as he moved his free hand to your hip. You moved your hand and tangled your fingers in his light brown hair. As both your lips moved against each others the kiss slowly became more intimate. Arthur's hand started to wonder from your hip down your thigh to your knee. He grasped a hold of the back of your knee and brought your leg over his hips until you were straddling him. Your torso now pressed against his and using your elbows on either side of his head to balance yourself. You didn't break the kiss, still desperate for one another. The feeling of his warm body in-between your legs made your thighs burn. His hands started to wonder up and down your body leaving warm trails where he touched. It was perfect, just the two of you under the beautiful night sky. The way you felt in this moment was something you had never experienced in your entire life. It was as though everything you have ever needed in life was right there with you and nothing could break you apart. You could feel his heart racing in his chest as you were laid over him. Each time you took a breath you would look into each others eyes and melt back into the kiss again. The kiss started to become passionate and hungry for one another. Both your tongue's dancing together in synchronisation. You felt how hungry he was for you as his manhood grew under his trousers. Suddenly, you panic. All the good that you were just feeling was flushed from your body and panic overtook it. Heat rushed from your body to your skin leaving you feeling cold inside but sweating in pure fear. You broke the kiss, got off his hips and stood up in a mad rush. Each breath you took seemed to get harder and harder until you felt like you were suffocating.

"Whoa, easy" Arthur was by your side before you knew it. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to his chest whilst whispering softly to you. You could feel the tears stinging your eyes and you buried your face in his shirt, gasping for breath. He held you while you cried trying to calm you down. "Easy. It's alright. I'm here" he whispered to you. You listened to each word he said, hearing the raspiness from his thick acent. As you breathed heavily, you took in his smell and the feeling of his muscled chest beneath your fingertips. Focusing on him, every breath he took and sound he made brought you slowly out of you panic until you managed to catch your breath. He didn't let his grip on you go until your breathing was back to normal and the sounds of your whimpers had stopped. Quietly he took a step back just releasing you enough so he could see your face. "You alright? I didn't mean to scare ya" he spoke softly. You raised your head to look at him. Your eyes were bloodshot from crying and small wet trails ran down your cheeks.

"It ain't your fault" your voice was shaken. "I'm just damaged goods" you shook you head as you stepped away from him. You were so embarrassed and frustrated by your blind panic that you daren't look at him. You found a spot on the grass and sat down with knees hugged to your chest. Arthur came and sat by your side again and you hid your face from him in your knees.

"You ain't damaged goods" he nudged you, trying to cheer you up. "Wanna talk about it?" you looked up from your knees to catch his concerned look. You felt sick to your stomach at the thought of how you just made him feel. He had done everything to make this moment perfect and you screwed it up. You owed him an explanation.

"It wasn't your fault. I guess I just panicked..." you paused to take a deep breath. "I've only ever consented to this sorta thing once and that was before.... For a long time I was forced into lettin' those men touch me and use me at their own pleasure. They would hold me down or beat me until I gave in. Or they would just force themselves upon me. I guess I just associate being touched in that way to....well, to back then. It wasn't you at all Arthur" you looked into his eyes. He looked at you the same way he once did when you were tied to the wagon, you saw the sorrow in his expression. Tears threatened to leave your eyes again. You wanted more than anything to be intimate with Arthur in this way but ghosts from your past haunted your mind. "I've never been more comfortable with anyone before. I just got memories that flash through my head and I just panicked. I'm sorry".

"You have nothin' to be sorry for (Y/N)" he cut you off. "What happened to you, I'm surprised you let me touch you at all" he gave you a sweet smile as he laid down on the grass. "Come 'er" he held his arm out for you to lay down with him. You laid on your side next to him with your head on his shoulder and arm over his chest. "We don't have to rush into anythin' your not comfortable with. I promise you, no one will ever hurt ya again, not as long as I'm around" he pulled you in tighter to his body and you felt safe and secure. You were so glad he understood, he didn't force himself upon you because he was in the mood. All your fears slowly drifted away as he held you in his warm embrace. You knew you could trust Arthur but now he confirmed that he would never hurt you. Not just with his words but by his actions. The night sky was still full of bright stars, glistening down for just the both of you to enjoy. You spoke sweetly to one another for a couple of hours until you felt your eyes getting heavy. You can't remember when you fell asleep but you knew you had never felt more comfortable then in Arthur's arm's that night. As though nothing in the world could hurt you as long as he was there.

--

Chapter 11

@nena-ma

[troop-scoop]

Mistakes & Regrets VI

Summary: When a trip to your Dad’s hometown of Hawkins goes wrong, you end up in the year 1983, and have to learn how to cope with being stuck in the past.

Pairing: Steve Harrington / Future!Reader (like, a really slow burn)

•••

“I’m not telling you, Jonathan!”

You didn’t ask for this, for Jonathan to come banging on the door of your motel room, still dressed for Will’s funeral and demanding why he would think you were crazy a few days ago in Indianapolis.

“Did it have something to do with this?” Jonathan reached into the inside pockets of his jacket, pulling out a folded up photo and holding it out for you to take. “Did it have something to do with that- that thing?”

You snatched the photo out of his hands and looked down at it, a quick and sudden wave of anxiety going through you. You could barely make out the figure in the glossy photo, but you knew you’d seen it before. “No, it didn’t.” Holding the photo away from yourself as if the monster you had heard in your nightmare the night before could get you through the photo. “But I’ve seen it before.”

Jonathan scoffed a bit, going to the dresser in your room and pulling one of the drawers open. “Hey!” You exclaimed, about to tell him not to touch your things.

He pulled out a pair of jeans and tossed them your way. You barely caught them, the two different pant legs being on either side of your shoulder. “Get dressed, meet me in the car.” He instructed.

“Woah, hey!” Jonathan moved for the door, and even though you were still in your pajamas you followed him when he left the room and was walking down the walkway to the stairs. “Jonathan, what are we gonna do?”

He stopped by the staircase and turned his head to you, the jeans still on your shoulder. “You wanted to help find my brother, right? And you didn’t think twice about getting in the car with me to go to Indianapolis without any explanation. Do you need one now?”

Jonathan was right. You hadn’t needed an explanation for why the two of you had been going to Indianapolis. And he was right about the fact that you didn’t need one, even now.

“No.” You shook your head, watching as he nodded and went down the stairs. “Give me ten minutes!” You added, running back into your room.

You changed as quick as humanly possible into the pair of jeans he’d thrown at you, and into a clean T-shirt, before grabbing your hoodie and your converse, not bothering to put them on as you grabbed your bag and ran out.

You’d left the Byers’ house after Lonnie came around, not feeling comfortable around the older man. So you’d given Joyce the number to the motel room and left. You were still a bit surprised that she believed you, that she’d taken you to her home, and talked while the two of you got things together to try and talk to Will. And you hadn’t gonet to the funeral, feeling as though you’d get weird looks, since you were ‘new’ to town, and didn’t really know the Byers, at least not according to the rest of Hawkins’ residents.

•���•

You were sitting quite a bit away from Jonathan as he fired shots into the space between empty beer cans he’d set up. And even though you had no room to judge, since you’d never even held a gun before, you kinda assumed that by now he would have at least grazed a can, but he didn’t.  

And considering that he said he stole it, you were hoping he knew how to at least aim with it, at least get it somewhere near the cans. And you were relieved when you found Nancy could actually aim and hit something, you were a bit relieved. And even more so when she gave you something to use as a weapon. And even though it was an axe, and you’d never held something like an axe, you’d accepted it.

Jonathan had informed you about how Barbara Holland went missing, and that the photo he’d shown you was of the thing that took her, the same thing that took Will. Which meant that they were both still alive, and the reason you were out here with them, walking aimlessly through the woods to try and find the thing.

Following loosely behind Jonathan and Nancy, watching their argument. While walking. This wasn’t how you wanted your day to go. You didn’t want any of this in your day. You didn’t need any of it. The knowing where Will had to be, and the brief memory of falling into where he was when you were just trying to get away for awhile.

You didn’t really want to be here either, with a guy who you knew as your uncle, and Nancy Wheeler, who was dating Steve Harrington.

Steve was confusing, and it was all confusing. Why you were here, how you’d taken a single step and hell into the deep dark hole of hell with the devils themselves roaming around, why the young version of your dad was missing, and in that hell hole that you could barely remember it was all confusing. And something that was now bugging you, why out of everything, you were thinking about Nancy’s words to Jonathan, that the guy Steve had shown everyone a few days before wasn’t really him.

Because you didn’t know if she was right or wrong.

“Nancy. . .”

“Whose side are you on?” She demanded, turning her head to you when you came up next to her after Jonathan and her had the argument, with Jonathan having the last word.

“My own?”

She huffed a bit and went to follow after him with you following her. There was a tension between the two that you knew there wasn’t between her and Steve, but you didn’t want to be the one to point it out, besides, you weren’t good with relationships or relationship advice. “What’s your favorite class?” You inquired, walking up next to her

“What?”

You turned your head to see her staring at you while you both walked. “Just tryna get to know you, I guess, pass the time easier. So, what’s your favorite class?”

She shrugged a bit, giving a moment of thought before she answered. “I like most of them, I don’t really like math, and if I want to get into the senior class I want for colleges to even think about accepting me in, I need to take Mr. Mundy again next year.”

A smile came to your face as you listened. You were good at that. Having always been quiet as a kid. “Mr. Mundy’s a dick. I hope I don’t get him next year.”

“What about you? Your favorite class?”

“I like art. Mr. Montgomery is nice.”

You continued to talk to Nancy most of the time, about things that would normally be small talk, but became full conversations between the two of you. And she was the definition of a suburban girl, but in a good way. You were a bit envious if you were to be honest. Growing up in a small town gave a sense of community, and trust. You were sure she’d never felt as if she couldn’t trust someone who lived in the same town as her. The ability to not feel as if everyone had bad intentions.

You’d grown up in a city, with your dads drilling it into you that you needed to be safe, not to talk to strangers, and never follow a strange man, or woman if they said they had something for her, and to mind your own business unless someone was hurt and needed help. They’d given you pepper spray at the age of eight and taught you how to hold it and then at the age of thirteen they got you a weird baton thing that you could jab people with if they were trying to hurt you.

“You do art? Are you good at it?”

Nodding you gave a sad smile. “I learned from my dad.”

Both of you stopped walking at the same time when you heard something. Almost like a whimper. Exchanging a look, acknowledging that you both heard it. “What, are you two tired?” Jonathan questioned, almost as if he was done with the entire situation even though it had been his idea.

Your response was a ‘sh!’ while Nancy told him to shut up. “We heard something.” Nancy responded. You followed the whimpering noise, it grew louder as you got closer to it, and as Nancy shined her flashlight to the ground in front of the three of you, you could see the dying animal on the ground.

The deer was bleeding from the neck, and laying on the ground, reminding you of a video game you’d played once. And the name of you called the monsters in that place came back to mind. Wendigo. You’d called it a Wendigo even though they grew into what they were, they weren’t made into it by eating another human.

“Oh, god.”

You stayed standing while Jonathan and Nancy kneeled by it and looked down at the whimpering animal. You’d never seen something like this in real life and it made you nauseous.

“It’s been hit by a car.” Nancy said softly, laying a gentle hand on the base of the deer’s front leg. “We can’t just leave it.” You watched carefully as Nancy cautiously brought the gun up, but her own feelings of sympathy for the animal preventing her from bringing it up much higher, and you could relate.

“I’ll do it.” Jonathan offered, hand out to take the gun from her.

“I thought you said-”

“I’m not nine anymore.”

Nancy handed the gun to Jonathan and stood back up, with you grabbing her arm and pulling her back to stand beside you while Jonathan stood up as well, aiming the barrel of the gun to the deer’s head.  At least you hoped it was the head.

But when the gun made that preparatory sound of putting the bullet into place to be shot, something pulled the deer away so quickly that it scared all three of you. Nancy grabbing your forearm while you held her wrist and stared at the spot the deer had been in horror.

“What was that?” Nancy asked quietly.

You followed the trail of blood, to a certain area. Still sticking closer to Nancy. You were the youngest one there, and you were finding a certain kind of fondness for the older girl. You didn’t know what it was, but she reminded you of your aunt.

“Nancy, what is it?” You questioned quietly, walking over to her, seeing the tree she was shining her light on. And you saw the missing bark  and the goo surrounding it. You knew how’d you’d gotten here, and it was still terrifying. How you’d fallen through something like that, and how you’d crawled through something just like that one to get out.

“Don’t go in there.” You told her, so lowly and so scared that she turned to look at you. Eyes watching at how your hands gripped at the ends of your dress.

“Why?”

“If you wanna go in there, I’m gonna go first.” It was a sudden gush of bravery for you. Pulling off your bag and kneeling down, looking at the blood of the deer who had been dragged into the hole through the tree.

“What?”

You reached out into the tree, looking back to Nancy. “I’ve been there before.” not bothering to grab the flashlight from her as you reluctantly crawled into the hole. If Will was down here, or Nancy’s missing friend, you knew the fear they’d be going through.

The cold hit you first as you felt some of the goo get into your hair while finally seeing the familiar scenery of darkness and never ending sky. The almost ominous vine like tubes that were along the ground and wrapped around the trees.  Crawling completely out, you stood up, eyeing your surroundings as Nancy came out shortly after, flashlight in hand as she stood next to you.

You both slowly made your way through a few trees before a sudden growl came and Nancy shined the flickering light in the direction of the growl, showing the almost emaciated figure, tall and foreboding as it growled while continuing to eat the deer that had been pulled away.

Nancy took small steps back before stepping on one of the vines, the loud ‘crunch’ almost deafening as it echoed.

The thing turned it’s head, mouth opening like petals of a flower, with teeth instead of a pretty design. Nancy screamed while you turned, grabbing her arm and running back. Nancy screaming out for Jonathan while you stayed quiet. The way you’d stayed almost the entire time you’d been in here before. Survival mode being flicked on.

You could hear the distant yells of Jonathan calling out for her and then for you while you tried to find the hole you’d crawled through.

You pulled her behind a tree when you saw the silhouette of the monster, arms hooked together like you used to do with your friends, before. But that was usually because you were close with them or needed comfort, this was for her and for you. To keep her so close so you didn’t lose her.

The echoing sounds of the monster’s low growling made her grip on you tighten. You heard Jonathan’s voice again, and so did Nancy, heads turning in the direction that the voice came from, the hole in view. A red light shining through.

You grabbed her hand and carefully walked over when you heard the monster walking away. “Go.” you told her. “I’ll be right behind you.” It was barely a murmur as she nodded and kneeled down, crawling through the smaller hole. It was smaller than what you remembered. As soon as she was in you were in after her.

You could hear Jonathan pulling her out and as soon as you saw her body no longer blocking the moonlight, you were reaching out, hand grabbing on to the bark of the tree and pulling yourself out, sitting on the leaves and dirt of the forest floor, watching as the bark moved back into place to cover the hole.

Once you’d all gotten back to the Wheeler’s home, you’d been given a change of clothes, that were more like pajamas,

“How’s she doing?” It was a simple question, a stupid one. How could Nancy possibly be doing when she just witnessed something horrifying. The thing that took both Jonathan’s brother, and her best friend.

“I don’t know. She’s startled, and in the shower.”

You nodded, grabbing the clean jacket that Nancy had offered you to take on your walk back to the motel, even though she didn’t want you or Jonathan to leave. But Jonathan was just as upset as she was, so he was staying. You’d remained unfazed by what had happened. Like it was all just a game.

“When you said I would think you were crazy. . . what were talking about, if not that- that thing?” Jonathan asked, pulling a sleeping bag out of Nancy’s closet

You stopped and looked at him, seeing him staring at you. You gave a small smile. With everything happening right now, who was to say he wouldn’t believe you? “You asked why I cared. I care because Will’s my dad. You’re my uncle, and Joyce is my grandmother. One of those. . . passages opened where I was, in my year, I fell through it, and then I went through another one, which is how I got here. And if you need proof, I can tell you that his favorite song is from The Clash, and that he has a birthmark on his right arm.”

He just stared at you while you pulled the jacket on and grabbed your bag. “That’s why I said you wouldn’t believe me.”

•••

@disneyprincessbuffyannesummers​​​ @jxnehxpper​​​ @yllwtaxi​​​ @songofcosplay​​​ @potatopooper05​​​

[deliontower]

one normal day

Pairing: Adam x sister!Reader (with a little cas x reader but you can read it whatever way you like) Summary: Adam wants y/n to have one normal day. not trusting Adam Cas tags along Warnings: swearing, fluff, and not much else Word Count: 1.4k A/N: first i hope you like this and im sorry it took me a while to post. started it right away but something came up and i've only recent got back to my writing, and the new episodes really didn’t help 😅 been edited twice but might of missed something, thank you dyslexia 

requested by @ivyyie​: ok, I always thought of something like that, Sam and Dean have a little sister, and when Adam shows up, he wants to take the reader out for a walk so she can be a normal teenager for at least a day, Sam and Dean allow, but Cas asks to go along, since he doesn't trust Adam and wants to protect Reader.

                           MAIN MASTERLIST | REQUEST OPEN

“no. no way. Not gonna happen” Cas huffed with his chest out, with his hands on his hips.

“I don’t need your permission to spend time with my sister” Adam tried to argue back.

“No” Cas stopped speaking when you walked into the hotel room.

You looked up  from the lore book in your hands and over to Adam and Cas who were both red in the face then to Sam and Dean in the middle trying  their best to calm them down. You raised an eyebrow at them, “What you guys fighting about?”, you put the book down on the table. “well?” you asked again when no one spoke.

“ehhh, Adam wanted to take your out for the day” Sam said awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

“like a hunt” you tilted your head to the side, “don’t think that’s a good idea”.

Adam pushed away from Cas giving him the side eye, Dean and Sam stayed where they were but Cas stepped closer too, “No like a normal day. We can do anything you want”. You mouth formed an o space as you understood what he meant. You turned to Sam and Dean for guidance.

“no issues here go have some fun, you deserve some” Dean smiled sitting down.

“really?” Cas said loudly, you looked at him shocked not used to hearing him yell. “I know he’s your brother but we can’t trust him” he said in a hush tone, “I’m just looking out for you” he put his hand on your arm.

“Cas” you sight blushing his hand away, “look I love you for looking out for me but I can look after myself and anyway have you seen him? I could floor him in a second” you heard Dean and sam snigger from across the room. “no offence” you nodded to Adam.

“is that a yes?” he asked looking at Cas.

Cas rolled his eyes in your direction and nodded his head. You sent him a smile and went to grab your coat. “one condition” you stopped to look at him. “I join you two”.

You stared at him and scoffed, “Fine if I helps you sleep at night”.

“I don’t sleep”

“I know, I know. Its just a saying” you shook your head, “Come on then, I hear the fair is in town”.

You had to practical beg Cas to watch you from a distance when you got to the fair, he wasn’t happy about it but did it in the end to make you happy.

At the fair you felt a little overwhelmed, sure you’d heard about fairs and what happened at them but actually being dead in the centre of one was strange. You looked around at all the other people having fun who knew what to do, you looked at Adam who looked in place too.

“so?” you strung out getting Adam’s attention, “what should we do first?”.

“Well which booth is your favourite?” Adam asked. Your face heated up at his question so you looked away embarrassed. “oh. You haven’t been to one before” he realised.

“well never really had the chance” you muttered, “its always the end of the world for us” you waved your hand in the air. You huffed “I mean look I have an angel following me around. I’m not normal” you pointed back to where Cas was intensely watching.

He cleared his throat and nodded to a booth, “well dad and my mom used to take me every year and we always did the gun one”.

Adam lend the way over to the stall where the back wall was covered in little red boxes with small metal people inside. “okay so you get bb bullets and you need to shoot 5 ‘people’ to win a prize”.

“sounds simple” you nodded.

“I’ll show you then you try” Adam smiled.

When Adam shoot his first shot you felt Cas behind you, “do you think he knows I can shot a gun better than him?” you questioned over your shoulder. Cas snicked when Adam nearly hit the man behind the booth. “hey, give me a go”.

Adam handed you the ‘gun’, you shifted the gun from one hand to the other getting used to the weight. The real gun in your jeans pocket was heavier by far and could shot better. But you relaxed your shoulders and got into the right prostitution, you lined the gun up and fired 5 perfect shots.  

You beamed over to Adam and Cas. Adam looked a little shocked while Cas just grinned at you. When the man at the stall handed you the biggest prize, he had you skipped over to the boys. “Now that was fun”.

“Maybe we should give the booths a break” Adam suggested after you handed him a 2nd teddy.

You turned to face him holding another teddy and over to Cas who held 2 other prizes of his own, “yeah probably” you shrugged, “getting boring winning anyway”.

Adam smiled looking down.

“What else should we do?” you asked biting your lip.

“well since you cleared out all the booths, we could try some rides” he pointed to the big wheel, the best he could with his arms full.

You nodded excited, you let Adam walked ahead so you could talk with Cas. “You think you could cut him some slack, please for me” you pleaded.

Cas studied you not saying anything at first, he squinted his eyes at you. “I suppose I can leave you alone for 15 minutes”, you wrapped your arms around him but the teddies in his and your own arms got in the way. You settled with a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks Cas, I can always count on you” you grinned. Cas watched you go with smile on his face.

“is he not following along” Adam asked.

You shook your head at him and laughed, “He just worries” you jumped up and down on the heels of your feet next to him, “and he promised he’d give us some alone time”.

He looked unsure and glanced back over to Cas who was still stood where you had left him, “That easy?”.

You smiled and laughed, “He means well Adam, he been through a lot with us. I don’t blame him for worrying”.

Adam looked sad for a moment, you looked at him confused. “You shouldn’t have gone through anything that involves angels and god knows what else, Sam and Dean neither”.

You laughed dryly, “it wasn’t so bad” you shrugged. He face stayed serious, you started to feel uncomfortable, you laughed again and elbowed him, “Stop, we’re here to have fun, right?”.

He nodded and did his best to laughed making you smile. “you right and look its our turn next” he pointed to the line at had gotten shorter.

Near the end of the evening Cas either trusted Adam or knew you would be okay enough to keep at a further distance.  You had to admit it was nice to be ‘normal’ for one day, no looking over your shoulder, no hunting down whatever monster was terrorising people and having fun for what felt like the first time in years. You felt bad when you thought of it that way, you thought that if Dean or Sam heard you they’d be hurt but you knew they just wanted what’s best for you, like you did for them.

You lent against the motel door with a grin across your face, clutching all your prizes and the cotton candy you brought for the guys. “Thanks for today Adam”.

He stood a little away from you with his hands in his pockets. “you know I thought you would say no at first”.

You laughed cocking your head to the side, “Why?”.

“I don’t know, thought you’d think it was a stupid idea”.

“well I had a great day and you were right, it was nice being normal for once”, you put your things on the floor and walked over to Adam. He watched you move looking unsure the whole time, you pulled him into a hug before he could talk. He stayed still in shock, it took me a few seconds before he responded with back.

“when you’re in town, we should do it again” he suggested when you pulled away.

you smiled and nodded, “maybe the others could tag along too”.

“yeah! Maybe Castiel will be more relaxed then” he laughed.

You laughed too while you gathered your things from the floor and turned back to Adam, “I mean it, thank you”.

[thejollyroger-writer]

To Serve and Protect - Chapter 5

SUMMARY: Detective Killian Jones has been investigating a stalker-turned-murderer for months by the time he goes home from the bar with Emma Swan. But when he thinks he sees the very man in question outside her apartment, can he separate his feelings for her and his need to keep her safe?

TRIGGERS: well, this is a fic about a serial killer. mentions of violence and death, with some physical violence/whump. as always, if you need me to discuss this further for you to be comfortable, message me. – rated teen

Prologue // Ch. 1 // Ch. 2 // Ch. 3 // Ch. 4 // Ch. 5 on AO3

a/n: another Monday, another chapter, another cliffhanger?, still no baby. 

-- -- -- -- 

Graham shows up first, quickly clearing the two flights of stairs that lead to Killian’s walkup apartment. The first thing he notices is the open door. 

The second is the emptiness in the space at the top of the steps. Emma’s not there, only a few bags of groceries and a bottle of wine. 

Jesus, what’s he going to tell David — but he pushes the thought down with a gulp, not even allowing his brain to go there. 

“Jones!” he calls out, turning his attention towards the half-open door. “I’m coming in!” And for a moment, the whole world stills, only silence greeting him on the other side. And then: 

“Oh, Graham, thank god.” Emma’s voice comes from across the room, half-shrouded by the couch. He catches his breath closing his eyes for half a second. “Did you — are you —” He doesn’t even know what questions he’s trying to ask, but they’re not coming out either way, so he snaps his mouth shut before crossing the room to where Emma is kneeling on the floor.

There’s blood. There’s a lot of blood, actually, something which has long since stopped bothering Graham. But seeing Killian Jones passed out on the floor, a blood-soaked light blue towel pressed against his shoulder, makes his stomach churn. Sure, Killian can be a pompous asshole, he sometimes doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut, and he’s been known to defy an order or two, but Graham would still place him on the short list of his friends. 

“The stalker’s dead in the kitchen,” Emma says, her eyes never once leaving where she’s putting as much pressure on Killian’s gunshot wound as she can. “At least, I’m assuming it’s the stalker. And I’m assuming he’s dead, given that there’s been no movement or sound from over there since I came in.” 

Graham nods, changing his course to check on that, first. Sure enough, behind the counter that separates the kitchen from the living room, there’s a dead body, a bullet in his chest and one just below his neck. Of course Killian would manage two almost-perfect shots while he’s getting shot himself. 

“Yeah,” Graham confirms, pressing his fingers against the man’s neck even though there’s no way he could still be alive after those two shots. “He’s dead alright. How’s Jones?” 

Emma sighs, but before she can answer, Henry calls to them from the hallway: “Jones! Miss Swan! I’m coming in!” 

“We’re clear, Mills,” Graham says, meeting the young man at the door, and they share a nod before both holstering their weapons. “One DB in the kitchen, and Jones is unconscious with a shoulder injury but still alive.” 

“And the ambulance?” 

“On its way,” Emma says. “A few minutes passed between when I called you and them, so they should be here any minute.” 

As if on cue, the two paramedics push their way into the apartment. 

“Sheriff,” one of them says gruffly, sharing a nod with Graham. 

“Booth. Officer Jones is behind the couch. And there’s a DB in the kitchen.” 

“DB’s are your jurisdiction,” he half-jokes, but rushes to where Killian is lying on the floor. “Emma,” he says, kneeling next to her on the floor, and Graham notices the way a soft blush rises to her cheeks. 

“Hey, August.” 

“You did a great job with the towel. Probably saved his life.” 

“Thanks,” she mumbles, letting August take her place at his shoulder, and she reaches out to sweep Killian’s hair off  his forehead. 

“I’ll take it from here,” he says, but Emma is already pushing herself off the floor and wiping her hands on her already-bloodstained dress. 

“I’m… gonna change,” she says, her voice still soft, and she doesn’t meet anyone’s eye before she turns back towards the bedroom. 

“You can take all the time you need, Miss Swan,” Graham says, and she stops but doesn’t turn towards them. “I’ll wait for you and you can ride to the hospital with me.” 

But she’s already shaking her head. “No, I’m going with him.” 

It’s not a question, but Graham still turns to August who confirms. After finishing his current task, the paramedic meets his eyes, nods with a shrug, and goes back to what he’s doing. 

 She told herself she didn’t need to know. She even told Killian that, if given the choice, she didn’t want to know. But now that the choice is here, literally, dead in Killian’s kitchen, she can’t stop thinking about him. 

Because what if he is someone from her past, as improbable as it is? What if all of this was because of her? 

She takes a deep breath in and holds it, pausing from trying to wash Killian’s blood off her hands to look at herself in the mirror for a moment before releasing it. From what she can tell, though her dress is ruined, none of it soaked through to her bra, which she only thinks about since she doesn’t know if she has another here to change into. 

Anything to keep her mind off of what happened in the last ten minutes. 

It doesn’t all come off, the blood staining her hands and her arms, but she does her best. It’s a warm day, but she has no idea what the temperature in the hospital is going to be like, so she opts for leggings and a plain white v-neck, but before she leaves the bedroom she pulls a blue and white flannel shirt from Killian’s closet overtop. 

She is silent as she crosses the apartment, her arms crossed over her chest to make her as small as she can, but she’s made up her mind. 

“Emma, are you—” Graham starts, turning away from where they’re moving Killian to a stretcher, but when she doesn’t stop, her path clear, he crosses the living room and tries to stop her. “I don’t think you want to do that.” 

“No, Graham,” she says, shaking her head as she pushes past him and into the kitchen. “I’ve made up my mind, I need —” She swallows, stepping around the counter, but her attention is still on Graham. “I need to see him, I need to know.” 

When she does turn her eyes down towards the body on the floor, though, everything stops: her words, her mind, her heart. Her breath catches in her throat. She might throw up — hell, she might faint. She needs— 

Air. 

Deep breaths. Slow movements. The balcony. Fresh air. 

Holy shit. 

“We’re ready to go here, Miss Swan, if you still want to come with us.” 

But she knows she can’t. She can barely breathe, nonetheless make it down a flight of steps, so she shakes her head. “No, I — I’ll go with Graham. We need to talk to David.” 

Though Graham offered to pick him up at the tavern, David insists on meeting her at the hospital. Between the slow night and the fear in Emma’s voice, he leaves almost immediately, much closer to the hospital than Killian’s apartment, but Graham and Emma still beat him there in the sheriff’s cruiser. 

She’s a mess. An absolute mess, pacing in the waiting room, unable to stop moving — her feet, her hands, her mind, everything moving a mile a minute. Graham tried to get her to talk on the way there, but she couldn’t do it, wasn’t able to explain anything with David there. (Odd, he thought, but she’s certainly in a state of shock, so he doesn’t question it.)

It only takes David a few minutes longer than them to get there, but she spends them trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together, trying to figure everything out. 

It doesn’t help, though. If anything, it just makes her head spin faster, dizzying her to the point where she needs to sit down for a moment — a moment that finds a quick end when David finally walks through the doors. It’s obvious by both his crazed expression and the amount of his hair sticking up in different directions that he’s been worrying about her since she hung up the phone, which doesn’t surprise her, but there wasn’t much she could do about it, since she couldn’t fill him in over the phone. 

He greets Graham first, sharing a handshake with him before wrapping his arms around Emma. She’s always thought that was part of the reason she got along with him much better than James, even though she’s much similar to his gruff, silent personality. But David always seemed to understand her, was there for her emotionally the way no one else ever tried to be, and he truly has been pretty much her only best friend until Ruby came home to Storybrooke a few years’ past. 

“Emma, please, tell me what’s going on,” he says after a moment, the silence of it all finally getting to him.  

So she does. She fills him in, letting Graham give a little background on the stalker case after she talks about going home with Killian that first night. She doesn’t share anything that doesn’t need to — he is still her brother, and she would be okay if both he and Graham just assumed that she and Killian’s relationship had never gotten physical. She sums up the past few weeks quickly, seeing him throughout the day, spending nights between their apartments, everything he needs to know, until she gets to earlier that night, to standing in the hallway helpless as she hears the gunshots, to hoping that it’s safe for her to go in even though all that greets her on the other side of the door is silence — and how she found Killian on the floor behind the couch with a bullet in the shoulder and the stalker in the kitchen, how she called 9-1-1 and they talked her through finding a towel and putting pressure on the wound until the paramedics got there. 

At the end of it all, David sighs from the seat he decided to take next to Graham, even with Emma still pacing between them and Henry, now seated on the other side of the small aisle. “So everything’s okay, the stalker is taken care of and now we just have to wait for Killian to get out of surgery.” 

Emma shakes her head as she whips to face him, movement enough to make her vision go blurry for a moment. “Everything is not okay, David,” she says, which grabs the attention of both men. “It all comes back to Neal.” 

“What?” 

“The stalker. It was Felix.”

Graham stands up, running his fingers through his hair. This is beginning to be too much for him. “Wait, you— you know the stalker?” 

At this, Emma nods, sitting in the seat he just stood from. “After I graduated from high school, I needed to get out of Storybrooke, but you already know that. So I went to Boston, and that’s where I met Neal. I got into the wrong crowd almost immediately, and he was — well, he was in charge of it. I knew he was older than me, but I never cared about how much older. I was seventeen and stupid and I though he was the answer to the thrilling life that I thought I needed. And I thought I loved him, which blinded me to what he was really doing, which was serious crime on top of all the gaslighting and manipulation towards me in particular. He would be out all night, come home all bloodied up but happy, and told me I was insane when I tried to ask him about it. Plus he had all this money, which he said came from his dad, who was apparently the ambassador of something, some kind of Boston big shot, so I shrugged off the fact that he had so much money.

“His best friend was this guy named Felix, who was even more terrifying than he was, covered in scars and tattoos and he had a violent past, though Neal convinced me it was all in the past even though he was apparently wanted for murder or something near the end, which was when I found out what they were doing, what they had been doing the whole time we were together. But I was young and stupid and I thought I was in love, so I shrugged it off, especially when he talked about running away from it all, leaving behind his life in Boston that required so much from him to somewhere quiet, where we could live in peace after one more big grab. That’s what he called it. And I believed him. 

“We were supposed to leave that night, so I met him at his father’s mansion, everything packed in my car. I just needed him to come home. But it was a set up, and they called the cops and claimed to have me under citizen’s arrest, though I wouldn’t have even had anywhere to run had I tried. I was seventeen, an orphan, technically family-less since Ruth had never finalized her adoption, so I went to prison until my eighteenth birthday and then came home. I’ve been trying to forget about Neal and his cronies for ten years, and since Ruth passed a few years ago, David is the only person that knows what happened in the year and a half I was gone, except that little bit I’ve told Killian over the past few weeks but seeing Felix’s face tonight, even seeing him dead in Killian’s kitchen, brought it all back.” 

David, who wrapped his arm around her shoulder near the beginning of her story, pulls her in closer, an awkward hug at an awkward angle, especially with the arms of their chairs between them, but it calms Emma nonetheless. 

“I don’t think it’s over, though,” she says after a moment, voicing the fear that has chilled her since she recognized the body in Killian’s kitchen. 

Graham is still trying to wrap his head around it all, and this certainly doesn’t help. Both he and Henry look back up at her. “Why? What?” 

“Everything Felix did, he either did because Neal told him to, or because he was trying to impress him. So if Felix really is behind all this, as you seem to believe he is—” 

“He matches the sketches that some of his victims have given us, he’s definitely the stalker,” Graham cuts in, needing to have some semblance of control over the situation. 

Emma nods, but continues. “He either did it because Neal told him to, or he did it for him. Either way, I can’t help but think that wherever Felix is, Neal can’t be too far behind.” 

“Fuck.” The word slips through David’s teeth, sounding foreign to Emma in his voice, but it’s fitting. 

“So you think this Neal guy might be here in Storybrooke?” Henry asks. 

Hearing the words spoken out loud makes Emma want to scream, or cry, or curl up in a ball on the floor. Or all three. But that doesn't change the fact that: “Yes. Or he will be soon. He may even be listed as Felix’s next of kin.” 

She doesn’t like making plans without Killian, since he has been so integral to her and her safety for weeks now, but hearing Graham and Henry trying to piece a plan together, one that involves police escorts and uniforms stationed outside David’s house — the only safe place for her to stay, obviously — begins to calm her still-pounding heart. 

They sit in silence for a while, each of them still trying to fit all the pieces together in a puzzle that seems totally impossible, but it’s not long before Dr. Whale comes out through the doors, a smile on his face that clashes with the tension in the waiting room. 

If he senses something is off, he ignores it, spreading his arms wide in what can only be described as a welcoming gesture. Understandably,all four of them in the waiting room ignore it. 

“I have good news, and I have good news!” 

He’s much too happy for them. Graham rolls his eyes, as he does multiple times every time he has to deal with the doctor. 

When only Emma and Henry physically turn their attention towards him, he tones the theatrics down a bit, which might be all that he’s capable of. “Since it was a low-caliber bullet, it didn’t pass all the way through, stopped by his shoulder blade and the muscles around it. Normally we’d worry about irreversible nerve damage to his hand and arm, but since he already has a prosthetic, that's no concern to us and he should heal just fine, with some minor physical therapy to fully regain use of his shoulder.”

“Can we see him?” Emma asks, her voice noticeably quieter than normal, making her seem smaller. Weaker. 

Dr. Whale purses his lips, his eyes turned to the floor — avoiding meeting any of their gazes. “He’s not awake yet from the anesthesia, and probably won’t be until morning.” 

“Besides,” Graham starts, practically cutting him off. “You should get some rest tonight. Tomorrow I’m going to need to take formal statements from both of you, a lot of paperwork and a lot of formalities. It’ll probably take most of the day.” 

Emma sighs. “We’re supposed to meet with Mayor Mills tomorrow to go over a few cases.” 

Everyone in the waiting room, including the doctor, watches in awe as Graham blushes, a soft smile gracing his face. “I’ll take care of Mayor Mills for you, don’t worry.” 

A shocked silence takes over the waiting room. David laughs. 

Dr. Whale clicks his tongue. “Well. Mr. Jones will be ready for visitors in the morning,” he says, then turns away from them and pushes back through the double doors he came through. 

David barks out another laugh, breaking the silence that has built around them, slipping his arm around Emma’s shoulder. “It appears our boy here has developed himself a little crush.” 

Graham rolls his eyes, but his blush deepens nonetheless. “For your information, Nolan — not that it’s any of your business anyway — it appears that she returns my ‘crush,’” he says, putting his own air-quotes around the word. “And she and I have been on a few dates as our busy schedules have allowed.”  

Henry covers his face with his hands. David, apparently, can’t stop laughing. Emma’s not even sure how to feel, but can’t keep the smile off her face. 

Graham shakes his head. “Let’s get out of here, alright? The smell of antiseptic is upsetting my stomach.” 

She was worried about not being able to sleep. It was much easier to convince herself that she was safe when she could feel Killian beside her, when she knew that if anything did go wrong, he would be right there to protect her, either from the ghosts in her mind or the ones that had recently manifested in the real world. But she can’t get rid of them, the memories of Neal from ten years ago and the nightmares that have plagued her since, not to mention the memory of Felix dead in Killian’s apartment. Sure, Graham told her not to, and he was probably right, but she had to, had to know. Did it make anything better? Questionable. In some ways, it definitely made it worse, the shadow of Neal hanging over her more than ever before. 

She can’t do this, though. Every time she closes her eyes, she’s met with Felix, or Neal, or one of his other cronies, or something from those long few months she spent in jail. Sighing, she pushes herself out of the bed, making her way to the guest bathroom as quietly as she can. 

She turns on the faucet, needing some sort of sound to stop the ringing in her ears, the screaming in her head, and it almost works. Splashing the water on her face helps a little, too, helps calm the pounding of her heart. She runs her fingers through her hair, fisting some of the strands. For a moment, she thinks about showering again, even though she stood under the spray for far too long when they got home from the hospital, but she fears that nothing will make the nightmarish pictures on the other side of her eyelids disappear. 

But she has to try. So she shuts off the water, turning away from the mirror before she can meet her own eyes, and leaves the bathroom, deciding instead to try sleeping.

And it almost works. She drifts off quickly, somehow, but it doesn’t last for too long before the piercing ring of her cell phone cuts through the silence of the house. 

Graham Humbert, the screen reads. 

Well, fuck. Her mind begins to race immediately, but it’s racing in circles around one main point: Neal Gold. 

“What? What happened?” 

“Emma, relax, please,” he breathes, though his own inability to do so is prevalent in his voice, even over the phone. “Killian is fine, he wasn’t hurt, but there’s been — there was an attempted attack at the hospital, and we got him. But Killian wants you here, just in case there’s someone else here. Henry’s waiting for you outside David’s.” 

“Okay.” 

“See you soon.”

But then it hits her: “Wait!” she says, hoping it’s not too late, and Graham hums. “You said you got him, but who was it?” 

“Oh,” he says cooly, as if his next words aren’t going to rip her world apart. “It was Neal. Neal Gold.” 

-- -- -- -- 

tagging: @shireness-says @kmomof4 @thisonesatellite @let-it-raines @wellhellotragic @darkcolinodonorgasm @profdanglaisstuff @stahlop @teamhook @snowbellewells @carpedzem @pepperspotts @imlaxdris71 @gingerchangeling​ @lfh1226-linda​ @kday426​ @scientificapricot​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @ultraluckycatnd​ @itsfabianadocarmo​ @galadriel26​ @jennjenn615​ @therealstartraveller776​ @nightskylover​ @xarandomdreamx​ @kristi555 @nikkiemms​ @vvbooklady1256​ @withheartfulloflove​ – if you want to be added or removed, please let me know

[jackryanfanfic]

I, His Isthmus | Chapter One

Pairing | Jack Ryan x Cathy Muller

Genre | H/C, Angst, Friendship, Romance

Warnings | Blood, PTSD, Nightmares, Medical procedures

Word Count | 1K+

Rating | T

Summary: Cathy Muller looked at herself in the visor mirror. With three deep breaths, she shoved the anxiety away and smiled, praying she looked like any other woman out on errands, and not a nervous wreck on her way to meet her ex with a secret government job and his shot-up partner in a seedy motel. I’m pretty sure I saw a thriller that started this way once.

Cathy Muller closed the door of her apartment, hung her purse and coat neatly on their assigned hooks, kicked her shoes from her sore feet, and let out her day’s stress in one long sigh. A soft smile graced her lips. Home.

Small shopping bag in hand, she glided in her socked feet to the kitchen counter, opening Spotify on her phone as she went. Some classical music would set the perfect tone for a relaxing evening to herself.

From the drawer by the stove, she pulled a box of matches. From her bag, she brought forth a lavender vanilla candle. She pried off the lid and inhaled deeply, the smile returning. It smelled just like a London Fog latte.

She put on the kettle and placed a bag of Tetley in her favorite mug. Grabbing the carton of cream from the fridge, she placed it next to the mug and headed to her bedroom to change. She discarded her scrubs and donned a dusky pink sweater and a pair of yoga pants. Another contented sigh escaped her lips. Vivaldi’s Spring floated faintly from the kitchen, bringing with it a whiff of lavender.

Back in the kitchen, she twisted her hair up with an ornamental chopstick, washed her hands, and began searching her fridge for leftovers that looked appealing. She pulled out a carton of chow mein, some baby bell peppers, and mushrooms. She laid the bounty out on the counter and was just reaching for some spices when her phone vibrated on the counter. Must be Rebecca, she thought, opening her phone.

It was not Rebecca.

On her screen there glared a name she had been trying not to think about for six months. In the last three, she had been mostly successful.

Jack Ryan.

She stared for a minute or two, wishing the notification would disappear, and she could go on with her night without any emotional turmoil. Her father’s pragmatic voice cut through her suddenly numb mind. “Wishing never did anybody any good.”

She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, schooled her face to an expression of calm indifference, and opened the message.

She frowned. Whatever she had or had not been expecting, this was certainly not it.

In a bit of a bind. Partner’s hurt. Help??

She almost laughed. ‘Help??’ It was ridiculous. Then her face sobered. Will I? She scoffed. How could she not? She began to type, and before she knew it, she had hit send.

Of course. Where are you?

No turning back now.

He replied almost instantly. Goodnite Motel on Kings and Philly. Room 204. Park a couple blocks away?

A strand of hair fell into her face. She swiped it back behind her ear. How is your partner hurt? What should I bring?

This time, she had to wait a full two minutes before he responded.

GSW to thigh. Think it might have hit an artery.

She frowned.  Ok. Do you know how to apply a tourniquet?

Yes

Do it. I’ll be there soon. Are you okay?

There was a pause. Then, Relatively.

She rolled her eyes. “I’ve heard that one before,” she muttered. Hang tight. I’ll get there as soon as I can.

She shook her head. “What have you gotten into, Jack?”

______________________________________________________________

Thirty-seven minutes later Cathy pulled into the parking lot of a busy shopping center.

She looked at her face in the visor mirror. With three deep breaths, she shoved the anxiety away and smiled, praying she looked like any other woman out on errands, and not a nervous wreck on her way to meet her ex with a secret government job and his shot-up partner in a seedy motel. I’m pretty sure I saw a thriller that started this way once, she thought, shaking her head. She met her eyes in the mirror. “What are you doing, Cathy?”

The idea of turning back briefly flitted through her mind, but she knew she could not. Taking another deep breath, she closed her eyes and counted to three before pulling her coat more tightly about her and forcing herself out into the icy sleet. Hefting her largest purse over her shoulder, she locked the door and set off at a brisk pace, bracing herself against the wind and glancing over her shoulder periodically. It was already nearly dark, and she slid a hand in her coat pocket to ensure that her can of mace was still there.

Loose wisps of hair whipped about her face as she walked against the wind, stinging her eyes and making it difficult to read the street signs. Turning a corner, she saw the motel in question at the end of the block. Nearing, she noted that the neon sign over the door had several lights out, leaving only the perplexing message “G ODN TE MOT L” visible. That’s hardly encouraging.

Pushing the door open, she cautiously poked her head inside.

An immense receptionist sat doing a crossword puzzle, his cigar sending clouds of putrid smoke to glow with dust particles in the orange light of the bare bulb above his head. Her first thought was that he looked like he’d been working his job too long. He looked as though he’d turned to stone. He gave her only the sparest of glances as she passed before releasing a long-suffering sigh and returning to his puzzle.

She hesitated a moment more, unsure, before ducking up the stairs.

Room 204 was just to the left of the stairs. She paused before the door, suddenly breathless. Raising her eyes to the damp-stained ceiling, she offered a silent prayer and steeled herself. She knocked.

Shuffling sounds came from the other side of the door almost immediately, and then a low, “Who’s there?” (The doors didn’t even have peep-holes.)

“It’s Cathy.”

More scuffling sounds as the door was unlocked (with an actual key). Then the door swung inward, and Jack’s somewhat-the-worse-for-wear, unshaven, but oh-so-familiar face was looming over her. Lines of worry and weariness were etched deeply around his eyes and mouth, but they did nothing to suppress his boyish grin at the sight of her. “Hey.”

“Hey,” she said. Inwardly, she cursed him for being so impossibly endearing.

He opened the door wider, his expression becoming serious. “Greer’s in here. Thank you so much for coming.”

“Of course.” She stepped inside. “I’m a doctor. It’s what I do.”

“Right.”

She might have regretted her crisp statement, but at that moment she caught sight of her patient.

James Greer was sprawled on the bed, eyes closed, a blood-soaked tourniquet around his right leg, which was propped up on pillows that would otherwise have been beneath his head. “You’ve got the leg elevated. That’s good.” His skin was an odd, purplish color. She could see a towel, totally saturated with blood, on the bathroom’s tile floor.  

Jack followed her gaze. “Oh–here.” He extended the towel in his own hand. It, too, had a concerning amount of blood on it. Upon further inspection, so did Jack’s shirt.

Pulling the room’s single, rickety chair to the bedside, she sat to examine his wound. “You were right–the bullet grazed his femoral artery. I was hoping it wouldn’t be necessary, but he is going to need a transfusion. Do you know what his type is?”

“B positive.”

Her frown deepened. Her own was A positive–it would only poison him. “And yours?”

“O negative. Are they compatible?”

She shed her coat and began to unpack her purse. “Fortunately, yes. O negative is actually the universal donor.” She met his eyes. “Are you willing?”

There was no hesitation. “Absolutely.”

She nodded. “Alright. First things first. I’ll need to get the bleeding stopped.” She tugged on a pair of latex gloves.

“What can I do?”

“For now…wait.” She glanced up at him. “It’ll be your turn soon enough. Maybe get some rest? Or,” she gave him a pointed once over, “take a shower. You look like you could use one.” She smirked.

“No kidding,” he huffed, but made no move to go. “Are you sure there’s nothing I can–”

“You can get out of my hair, Jack.” She softened her words with a smile. “You’ve done what you can for now. My turn. When you’re needed, the nurse will come and get you,” she teased.

He chuckled. “Right. I’ll just…Right.” He grabbed a backpack from beneath the window sill and headed to the bathroom. The door squealed wildly on its hinges as he pushed it closed.

After a moment, she heard the shower running. She let out a sigh of relief and turned her full attention to her patient.

______________________________________________________________

A/N: There’s chapter one! There are a couplpe references to Aftermath in this story, so you may want to check that out first. Also, there’s a prologue for this fic, so if you missed that, it may be helpful for contextual purposes. ;) I’ll link those below. By the way, these are also available on ff.net and A03. My handle is Project7723.

I’m so far mostly unaffected by the corona virus where I live, but I hope this brought some enjoyment to any of you stranded at home! Wishing you the best. Stay safe, be well, and hoard your toilet paper.

Quick reminder–I’m taking requests/prompts now, so feel free to hit me up with ideas! I do have some preferences, so I’ll just link those, too.

Take your vitamins, kids. Author out.

Aftermath:

https://jackryanfanfic.tumblr.com/post/190584615907/aftermath-missing-scene-1x08

Prologue:

https://jackryanfanfic.tumblr.com/post/611939538664882176/pairing-jack-ryan-x-cathy-muller-genre-hc

Request Guidelines:

https://jackryanfanfic.tumblr.com/post/190676569367/taking-requests-yayyy