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illegal-spiegel · 3 years

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Firsts w/ Kaoru

Pairing: Kaoru Hitachiin x gn!reader Genre: fluff Warnings: none

first meeting:

y’all met through, you guessed it, The Host Club

it wasn’t your idea to go

but Haruhi, poor, sweet, innocent Haruhi, was about to lose her marbles

she practically got onto her knees to beg you to keep her company

and what kind of friend would you be if you declined?

(you mainly just went because she bribed you with free tea and desserts)

when you showed up to Music Room #3, it was all that you were expecting and not at all what you were expecting at the same time

you eventually spotted Haruhi through all the people and eventually made your way over to her

the look on her face was almost comical

she bid her guests she was entertaining farewell and they left with watery eyes

you covered your mouth to hide your giggles as you took a seat on the soft couch across from her

“Thank god you showed up,” she groaned as she slumped back into her seat

you let your giggles out freely, studying her tired form

“Awe, is Haruhi tired of flirting?” you teased

she only grunted in response, closing her eyes and letting out a content sigh

you hummed in return, picking up a cookie that was on the table and started to munch on it

you two had a few minutes of silent peace before it was rudely interrupted

“Oh, Haruhi!” you hear two voices shout from behind you in unison

you swear you saw an irk mark appear on her forehead

you raise your brow and go to turn around to see who was causing her so much trouble just by saying two words when two people were suddenly leaning over the back of the couch you were sitting on

you looked to your left and saw a boy your and Haruhi’s age

you turned to the right and had to do a double-take when you saw the same face

‘these must be the infamous twins,’ you thought as you studied them

“What?” Haruhi groaned with dead eyes

you could see the smirks come onto the two boys’ faces

“What are you doing slacking off-” the one on the right started off

“-when you have a guest?” the left one finished you raised a brow at them as you pursed your lips

“She could ask you two the same thing? Why aren’t you tending to your guests?” you defended

the twins’ eyes widened as they turned to look at you, both silently studying you for a moment

“We got bored-”

“-so we came to see what Haruhi was doing.”

your brows furrowed as you look to the one on your left

“You just left your guests?”

Haruhi was the one to respond

“Kaoru probably ran out of fake tears,” she said with a smirk

the twins’ attention went back to her, the one on the right’s eyes widening

“Fake tears? My tears are real!” he defended

you took a mental note that the one on your right was Kaoru. Haruhi may have told you about them before but you were terrible with names

Haruhi only grunted in response before closing her eyes again

you saw their mouths open, ready to bother her some more

so, being the good friend you are, you quickly said something before they could

“Just leave her alone, okay? How about you entertain me?” you offered

from what Haruhi has told you, the twins liked to mess around with people. Whether it is playing pranks and tricks or just annoying them

so, you figured they’d happily take you up on the offer to ‘entertain’ you

as soon as you finished your sentence, a smirk was curling up on their lips

“Entertain you?”

“Why, we’d be honored!”

they ended up trying to actually do so at first, using their little brotherly love act

you quickly shut that down

once they realized you knew all their secrets, including Haruhi being a girl, there was a sudden shift in the way they acted towards you

they were more open suddenly

hanging out:

after meeting, he instantly took a liking to you

he and his brother wanted to become friends with you, mainly to annoy Haruhi

they hung out with you as much as you allowed them to, which was often so you could give Haruhi a break

it took a couple weeks for Kaoru to work up the nerve to ask you to hangout with him without his brother there as well

you were surprised when he asked you, to say the least

“Hey, would you wanna go to this museum with me? I somehow won free tickets in class and Hikaru doesn’t want to go. I, uh, know it sounds boring but—”

“I’d love to go with you, Kaoru,” you reassure with a big, warm smile

it was the first time he felt his heart do something weird in his chest

that weekend, you two went to the museum and honestly had a really good time

you two pretty much just wandered around and talked the entire time, which was several hours

he found it surprising and like a fresh breath of air at how easy it was to talk to you

he liked studying you when you would stare at something before you, your figure glowing under the big lights

he knew by the time you two left that he had feelings for you

first hug:

you two hugged for the first when he took you home from the museum, actually

his palms were sweating just from thinking of doing it

he tried to tell himself that it wasn’t a big deal but he was just so nervous

he opened the car door for you when you reached your house and even walked you to the door

“Thanks for today, Kaoru,” you say softly, giving him that radiant smile that he loves so much

“It was nothing. I’m just glad you agreed to go,” he admits with a small chuckle

you giggle in return and then you both go into silence

“Well, I’ll see you at school on Monday,” you say to break the silence

without another word, he quickly pulls you into the hug then

he hears and feels you gasp, your arms staying by your side for a moment before slowly wrapping back around him

“Yeah, see you on Monday,” he whispers, still holding onto you

you two hug each other a little longer than necessary but neither of you cared

when you finally did let go of each other, both of your faces were warm

“Goodnight, Kaoru,” you whisper a little breathlessly

“Goodnight, (Y/n),” he whispers back, finally stepping back to let you go inside

he walks back to his car and watches you unlock your door to make sure you get inside okay

he then finally leaves with a racing heart and a red face

first time holding hands:

after going to the museum together, you two slowly started to get closer

you texted more often, always called, hung out without Hikaru more, and so on

it didn’t take long for you to fall for him but you were unsure if he liked you back

well, that is until October came around

the boys decided they wanted to do a haunted house type thing for their monthly event

after Kyoya talked it over with the principal, the club got permission to do it and to have it held inside the entire school

Kyoya went all out too. He hired professional actors and businesses to scare in the school

the club held it during Halloween weekend, that way they could clean up all the props before Monday

the club made a killer with the amount of people that wanted to participate and walk through the ‘haunted’ school

on Sunday, after the ‘maze’ closed, the host club decided that they should be able to walk through it as well

that’s how you ended up partnered up with Kaoru to walk through together

you two went last out of all of the groups, both of your hearts racing as you two walked into your dark school

after the first jump scare, you two clung together before relaxing until the next scare

after a few scares, you two just ended up holding hands the whole way through

you honestly didn’t even really notice since you were too focused on what’s around the corner, what’s in that room, or what that sound was

but Kaoru’s entire focused was on your hand in his, the way your skin looked, the way it felt

when you came out the back main exit of the school though, you instantly noticed

you both shyly smiled as you let go, trying to ignore everyone’s teasing as you all started cleaning up

first date:

it wasn’t until mid-November that Kaoru asked you out on a date

you both were blushing like crazy as he stuttered out his date proposal and it was the most enduring thing you’ve ever seen

he asked you out, to which you instantly said yes to, but when you asked where you two would be going, he refused to tell you

he ended up taking you to a festival that was in town after you said that you didn’t want him wasting a lot of money on you

plus, he’s really competitive, so it’s fun to play games with him

you two tease each other back and forth the whole night, both of you winning a lot of games

he even won you a stuffed animal to which you playfully named it Hikaru

he ended up getting too much cotton candy and begged you to help him finish it

you two spent the entire day there and when the sun started to set, he dragged you onto the ferris wheel

it was very cliché but he kisses you at the top and you loved every second of it

when he drove you home, neither of you were ready for the night to end

so, you just ended up sitting in the car for hours just talking up a storm

when your first yawn is released, he does his best to ignore it but after the second time, he sighs and gives you a soft smile

“You should head inside. I’ll text you when I get home, okay?” he says quietly, secretly wishing he didn’t say anything when you start to pout

you rub at your eye though as you yawn again, slowly nodding your head

“Okay. Goodnight, Kaoru,” you whisper sweetly before hugging him

just before you get out of the car, you quickly peck his cheek before practically flying out of the vehicle

he chuckles at how flustered you are as you walk to the door of your home

he makes sure you get inside okay before driving back home

he sticks to his word and texts you when he arrives at home to which you both stayed up late texting each other because you didn’t want the mystical night to come to an end

first time giving a gift:

(we ain’t counting the stuffed animal (Hikaru) he gave you on your first date)

you two had been together for 3 months when Kaoru decided to get you something to celebrate

he asked all your friends along with all the people in the Host Club what they think you’d like

he got many ideas ranging from clothes to food

he wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to get you but he’d figure it should be something nice but ‘simple’

on the day of your 3 months together, he picks you up from your house and takes you on a date

you tried telling him that you two didn’t have to celebrate the 3 month mark, but he wasn’t having it

“You’re special to me and being together this long means a lot to me,” he said softly to you before kissing the back of your hand

he ends up taking you to a hill that looks over most of the town, a smile coming to your face when you see the view

“It’s beautiful,” you reply when he asks what you think

“Not as beautiful as you,” he teases, shooting you a wink before hauling the picnic basket over to the blanket he set down for you both

after setting everything up and getting comfy, you two dig into the food that he made

once you two have had your fill, you curl up together and watch the sunset

just before the sun completely sinks below the horizon, he pulls away from you a bit to reach into the basket

“Here,” is all he says as he offers you a rectangular box covered in velvet

you raise your brow up at him but gently take it from him and open it up

you jaw drops open a bit when you see what rests inside, your heart skipping a beat as your tummy fills with butterflies

“Oh, Kaoru...” you whisper breathlessly, staring down at the intricate necklace

“Do you like it?” he whispers, worriedly staring at your shocked face

“I, um, got it to represent our first date at the festival...” he continues when you don’t reply. “Sorry, I know it’s ugl—”

“No! No, I love it, Kaoru,” you quickly interrupt when he starts to backpedal. “Sorry, I just was thinking that it looks kind of expensive...”

“Well, ha, you see—”

“Kaoru, how much did you spend on this?”

he stays quiet for a moment, knowing how you’d react when he tells you

he finally pipes up when you give him the look™️

“It was, um, ¥43,687...”

“Kaoru Hitachiin!” you screech, fully turning to face him with a horrified expression

“What? It’s not that bad!” he shouts, his cheeks starting to warm for some reason

“Not that bad? Not that bad? You’re right. ¥43,687 is way worse than bad!”

he groans and rolls his eyes, taking the box from you and taking the necklace out

“Turn around.”

“No way! What if I break it? What if I lose it? What if—”

“What if zombies raised from the ground right now and killed me? Bam! Dead! Wouldn’t you want something to remember me by?” he teases with a smirk

it’s your turn to huff and roll your eyes now

“That would never happen.”

“Well, yours would never happen either,” he argues

“Yes it could!”

“We can go back and forth all day, sweetheart. We can never know the future and it’s best to just live in the present.”

When you don’t reply, he smiles at you and holds up the necklace

“You like it, right?”

“Well yes, but—“

“And you like me, right?”

“Kaoru—”

“Do you?”

“Yes! But, Kaoru—”

“Then put it on!”

you two have a stare off before you give in, letting out a hefty sigh and turning to put your back to him

he slips the necklace onto you and your hand instantly goes to the ferris wheel pendant resting between your collar bones

“There. Ya see? That wasn’t so bad and you look even more beautiful than usual.”

your cheeks warm with the compliment as you spin around to face him again

“Shut up and kiss me,” you snap with a pout

he chuckles and leans forward to do just that

first “I love you”:

you both actually wanted to say this on your picnic date but both ended up chickening out since you both thought it was too soon

ever since then, you both have tried and failed to say it

when is the right time to say it? How long do you have to be dating for it to be okay? What if the other person wasn’t ready to say it back yet?

yeah, a lot of unnecessary worries and insecurities

it isn’t until it’s almost your sixth month anniversary that Kaoru finally works up the nerve to say it

he was planning a little get away vacation for you two during the summer

when you came over to his house one day to hangout, he first plays it cool

you two do the normal stuff whenever you two hangout, watch your show, makeout a little, make food, the works

after you two are done eating and go to continue watching your show, he stops you

“Hey, there’s something I want to show you.”

you raise your brow at this, wondering what he could want to show you

maybe a new show he wants to watch?

“Yeah?” you ask, watching him pull something out from between the couch cushions

he hands over an envelope to you with a smirk, making your brows furrow

a letter?

“Go on. Open it,” he says with a chuckle

you let out a short hum in reply and begin to open it up

you pull out two tickets to something, turning them around to look at the front

“Are these first class tickets to Italy?” you ask, your voice trembling a bit

“Yeah! I figured it was about time we went somewhere together!”

you shake your head and offer the tickets back to him, feeling as if you’re going to be sick

“Kaoru, no. This is too much. I don’t need to go somewhere far or fancy or expensive to have fun with you,” you force out with wide eyes

he frowns at your words, refusing to take the tickets out of your shaky hands

“What? (Y/n), this is an amazing opportunity! Besides, these tickets were for me and Hikaru to go with our mom to one of her fashion shows in Italy. Hikaru is grounded now though for that stunt he pulled in class and she asked if I’d like to take you instead,” he explains with a soft smile, bringing his hand to your free one to give it a squeeze

you relax a bit at this news, now knowing he didn’t waste thousands of yen on you

“Your mom offered?” He nods his head. “You’re sure she doesn’t mind me coming?”

“Of course not, baby. You haven’t been around her much since she works so often, but she really does like you. She wouldn’t have asked you to come if she didn’t want you there. Plus, she has to punish Hikaru somehow.”

you chuckle at that last part with a nod of your head

“Okay, fine. I’ll ask my parents about it and see if they’ll be okay with me going,” you agree

he lets out an excited squeal and surges towards you for a hug

“Yes! You’re the best! I love you!”

at the three words, you both freeze and stare at each other, both of your faces heating up to a dangerous degree

“Sorry, I, um, I d—”

“I love you too, Kaoru,” you rush out before he can take it back

his grin comes right back to his face before he kisses you passionately

first trip together:

turns out your parents were okay with you going since Kaoru’s mom will be there

when you three were on the plane, you and Kaoru leaned against each other the entire time

to keep you busy, you two watched your show and movies, played card games, played games with each other on your phones, and so on

when you all finally reach your destination, you’re exhausted but you instantly perk up when you reach your ride to your hotel

you climb into the limo and both you and your boyfriend ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ at the beautiful scenery

when you get to the hotel, his mother announces that Hikaru will share a bed with her while you get the other one. You don’t really mind since she’s paying for all this and you’re in Italy for crying out loud, but Kaoru whines and pouts for at least fifteen minutes

once you’re all in your jammies, you all practically pass out as soon as your heads hit the pillows

you three were there for two weeks and you and Kaoru had so many cute dates

you went hiking, rode on gondolas, went on tours, took cooking classes, saw a musical, visited ancient buildings, went to the beach and did lots of swimming (where Kaoru got burned), and lots more!

his mom even let you participate in her fashion show

she dressed you up in expensive clothing and pushed you to walk on the runway

you were nervous at first but eventually got into it the more claps and cheers (from Kaoru) you got

it was honestly some of the best days of your entire life

when it was the last day of being in Italy, Kaoru took you on your last date in the beautiful country

you both shared lots of ‘I love you’s followed by several kisses

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

MASTERLIST

More with Kaoru

Tag List: @pointlesslygay, @katsuhera ✦ if you would like to be added or removed, comment or send an ask. Also, remember to tell me if you ever change your username so I can continue to tag you :)

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

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luvyanfei · 4 years

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anon said. ooo a new blog! can you do confession headcanons where xiao, childe, and scaramouche react to reader confessing to them and the aftermath of it? thank you!

a/n. xiao’s is kind of terrible ;; ue ue gomenasai

“i love you, [character’s name].”

SCARAMOUCHE.

huh? is this some kind of a joke? if so, it’s definitely not a good idea to mess with his feelings like this, especially when he also shares the same sentiment. scaramouche is almost impressed by your boldness. not everyone has the nerve to confess their love for a harbinger in front of their own faces, after all. when he’s hit with the realization that you’re serious, he secretly pinches himself to make sure he’s not in a dream.

the sharp pain that comes with his nails making contact with his flesh affirms that this is real. he stifles back a genuine smile, choosing to stay calm despite the bliss he’s currently feeling. “i guess it can’t be helped. hmph, you should be lucky i’m rather fond of you as well, [name].” he says that, but he’s the fortunate one to have successfully stolen your heart before others can claim you for themselves.

unfortunately, his time with you is quite limited due to his affiliation with the fatui, so any fleeting moments are captured in photos from the kamera to look back on. he secretly carries a picture of you while he’s out of town on important missions so that he won’t miss you too badly. he fondly looks at your still, yet smiling face to cheer him up after a tough work while everyone else is asleep. well, almost everyone.

“hmm, who’s that in your hands, scaramouche?” childe asks, gesturing to the photo the harbinger is admiring fondly. scaramouche rolls his eyes to hide his slight embarrassment and hesitates a bit before he answers.

“oh them? their name is [name], my... sibling.” childe almost gapes in disbelief as he looks at the blue-haired man in shock.

“you have a sibling? why didn’t you tell me? they’re so cute!” the 11th harbinger squeals in delight, which honestly irks poor scaramouche. he scoots away to give himself some space as he tucks the picture in his pocket for safe-keeping.

“you didn’t bother to,” he explains matter-of-factly. “now if you’ll excuse me,” he stands up from his crouched position and dusts himself, “i’m going to take a walk, alone.”

he wanders through a dark forest and grassy fields, until he finds himself standing on top of a cliff, the moon glowing brightly above. he peers up at the twinkling stars in the sky and imagines you beside him, watching the breathtaking view together. humming an unfamiliar tune to himself, scaramouche muses over the past and replays your confession over and over again. if he could, he would respond differently than he did before.

‘i love you.’ those three letter words echo in his ears like a melody and he allows himself to smile.

“i love you too, [name].”

XIAO.

he automatically perks up an eyebrow in confusion. what? is it just him or did you seriously admitted you love him? xiao stammers for a brief second, no words spilling out from his partially open mouth. what is he supposed to say? “thank you?” “i love you too?”

when he pulls himself together, xiao shakes his head and frowns. his answer is clear and simple: no. you mortals don’t understand just how dangerous it is to get close with someone like him - a yaksha. drowning in the brink of debt and despair, he doesn’t need you to suffer all the same. the dejected expression on your face pains him to a considerable degree, yet he convinces himself, this is for your own good.

since then, he avoids you like the plague in hopes that your feelings for him will disperse into flames. you deserve someone better, someone who won’t place you in harm’s way, someone unlike him. out of kindness, you still visit him from time to time while you go and do your daily commissions, but your interaction is heavily tense and an air of discomfort seeps through your gaze. why does his chest hurt as if he was impaled with a knife and so much more when you look at him like that? the thought of breaking down and revealing the truth that he’s also in love with you tempts him eagerly, but his pride and anxiety tides over his desires.

you, on the other hand, is aware that xiao harbors feelings for you. you discovered this secret of his when you climbed the stairs to the spot on the balcony where he was to surprise him with a greeting, but your ears captured a faint voice in the night breeze and you couldn’t stop yourself from eavesdropping on the little conversation xiao was having with himself. he muttered about “rex lapis”, the fate of liyue, and etc. you were about to leave him to his own devices, but the next words he said stopped you in your tracks.

“will [name] accept me if i say i love them? probably not, i suppose.” you left before he could spare a glance in your direction and a smile graced your features as you happily walked away. and being the persistent individual that you are, you inquire verr on why he’s acting so cold towards you, desperate to seek the answer you need. “xiao is, as you’re well aware, a yaksha who’s experienced hardships throughout his life, and probably lost loved ones along the way. i’m sure,” she turns to look at the setting sun in melancholy, “he doesn’t want to hurt anyone important to him again.”

you plan ahead of time for the best way to approach him without giving him any chance to escape. unfortunately, this is the only thing you can think of as you place a hand on either side of his head, trapping him between you and the wall. xiao looks at you curiously, devoid of amusement. he crosses his arms and frowns.

“what are you doing?” your hands twitch and you chew on your bottom lip nervously before you explain yourself.

“i heard from verr why you’ve been giving me the cold shoulder, that you don’t want to hurt anyone important to you, but...” you trail off to blink back the tears threatening to burst.

“it hurts, when you ignore me like this.” your voice is quiet enough that he needs to step closer to hear you. “it hurts how selfless you are. can’t you be selfish just once? i meant what i said and i’ll say it again. i love you.”

xiao stammers, at a loss for words, before he starts sniffling and buries himself in your arms, crying out apologies as you stroke the back of his hair and gives a closed-eye smile. “it’s okay, xiao. i’m sorry too, for not realizing how much you’ve been suffering by yourself. you don’t have to carry the burden alone anymore,” you say, looking into his tear-filled eyes, “i will always be here with you, no matter what path you choose to take.”

“even if that path may eventually hurt you?” he whispers in a cracked voice, fingers curling around your sleeves. you nod.

“it’s worth the pain as long as i can hold you in my arms, like this.” he chokes out a bitter chuckle and wipes away the glistening tears.

“i love you too, [name].”

CHILDE.

the harbinger blinks his cerulean eyes once, then twice, and... you find yourself pulled into his arms, as his lips uplift into a jovial smile. “really? you love me? [name], i had no idea you held such deep admiration for me.” you playfully roll your eyes and chuckle as you wrap your own arms around his body, fondly reciprocating his affection.

he’s the fastest to accept your confession than the other two men. you’d bet he would scamper to where he’s staying at to tell every grain of detail to his adoring relatives.

he writes letters to his siblings about your daily dates and the progress you two are making in your relationship. they tease him for the most part, but they’re happy that he’s found the love of his life and requests that he bring you along with him on his next visit. childe smiles in relief, content that they accept you already despite never meeting you and he asks you if you’d like to come with him to his home country where you can introduce yourself to his family. without hesitation, you agree instantly, eager to meet the siblings he gushes about.

snezhnaya is colder than you thought, as you hug yourself to preserve your warmth, even with the layers of clothing wrapped around you. “we’re almost there, [name].” childe notices your trembling and rubs his gloved hands against your back. “sorry, it’s a bit chilly here, but please bear with me.”

you nod and continue on. when a building enters your field of sight, childe stops and grins shyly at you. “this is the place.” breath materializes in front of you as he gestures for you to head on in. almost immediately are you greeted with a little embrace as a young boy wraps his fingers around your waist and grins up at you.

“so you’re the one who big brother said he’s in love with? have you kissed before? when is your wedding?” the child bombards you with questions excitedly and a girl has to pull him away from you, tonia, you guess.

“teucer,” childe scolds gently, a light blush colouring his cheeks, which does not go unnoticed in his siblings’ eyes, unfortunately for him.

a wedding, huh? seeing the sparkle in your eyes, the laughter in your voice, and the warmth of your touch as you idly chat with his siblings makes him hope, that maybe in the distant future, he’ll brave himself to take the next step to further deepen your relationship, for he wants to be with you always.

as he tucks away the last sleeping child, childe wanders in to your shared bedroom, surprised you’re still awake. “you really love them a lot, huh childe?” he nods seriously, as you pull him to lie down comfortably into bed.

“but do you know something else?” his breath tickles your ear as he intertwines his fingers with yours, offering a meek smile. you shake your head and nuzzle closer to him.

“i love you too, [name].”

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #childe x reader #scaramouche x reader #xiao x reader

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arcanadreams · 3 years

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Water Fights with the OM Bros

it’s 90 degrees outside at my place and you know what that means!!! water fight headcanons because I refuse to go outside in the heat in real life asdhgskjdgks

once again i’m only doing the brothers bc i do not trust myself with the dateables just yet lmao

Lucifer:

Literally only agrees to join because you’re so excited about it.

“...If it makes you happy, MC,” are his exact words. Simp.

You did agree to make the game have no points though, to keep things from getting competitive. Both at the advice of Lucifer and because you knew he would not join if there was any chance he could lose. (Also because Satan is a menace but we’ll get to that later.)

When all the brothers are gathered he suggests everyone pairs up into teams.

“You’re only saying that so you can cozy with M-” Asmo tries to say before being sprayed in the face with water.

“My hair!” “Oh, look at that. I suppose the game has started,” Lucifer hides his water gun behind his legs, but he can’t hide the shit eating grin on his face.

He takes your hand with a “Come along, MC,” and leads you away as everyone splits up.

You two make a surprisingly good team for this sort of thing! He knows the gardens well and also knows where each of his brothers is likely to go. You are quite skilled water water guns and balloons. He’s basically the brains and you’re the brawn.

He snatches a few kisses now and then when you look back at him excitedly after smacking one of his brothers with a balloon. You’re just so cute!

When everyone is all tuckered out and goes off to shower and whatever, Lucifer hangs back with you to thank you for organizing everything. With a kiss to the back of your hand, he says, “I’ll admit, I was...skeptical, at first. But, as usual, you brought my brothers together in a way I haven’t seen in a long while. Thank you, MC.”

Mammon:

“I’m MC’s first man, so I get to team with them!” “You’re also literally my boyfriend, but okay hun.” Cue Mammon blushing beet red at the nickname and muttering at you not to call him that in front of his brothers. (He doesn’t mean it; he loves that they know you’re his and vice versa.)

Strategically, the two of you are the absolute worst. But that’s because you’re both just there to have fun!

And have fun you do! You actually get in quite a few fun chases with Levi! He’s probably the most into the water fight out of everyone, the three of you are just running around the gardens pelting each other with balloons. It’s super cute.

Mammon is absolutely the type to yell “I’ll avenge you, MC!” every single time you get sprayed.

Eventually, you and Mammon follow Levi’s advice and start hiding in places to catch some of the other brothers by surprise. Which would be fine if Mammon didn’t blush super hard and start grumbling because of how close together you were when kneeling behind the garden wall.

You roll your eyes and surge forward to kiss him. He’s so shocked he has no idea what to do with his hands at first. But, after a second of pause, his water gun falls to the ground with a clatter and he wraps his arms around you.

“Get a room,” Is all the two of you hear before Belphie dumps a whole ass bucket of water on your heads. Mammon growls and jumps up to get the youngest before Beel can scoop him up, but you grab his hand and stop him.

You’re laughing super hard, and the sun is shining on your hair. You almost look like you have a halo...Mammon gives up the chase before it even starts because his MC is simply ethereal.

“Mammon!” You smile brilliantly at him when you finally stop laughing. “I kissed you to keep you quiet! And then you managed to make even more noise!”

He just hugs you then so you can’t see his blushing face. Stupid lovely human making fun of him. (He likes it, though.)

Leviathan:

This boy is literally the MOST excited when you tell him your idea. He was in on it from the very start.

He actually helped you get all the supplies! He opens his Akuzon account right away and starts showing you what water guns would be best and picking out huge packs of balloons made specifically for being water grenades. (Definitely had looked all this stuff up before in case he found a LARPing buddy.)

You ask him how much Grimm all this stuff will cost and he tells you not to worry. “I’ll cover it!” “But, Levi-” He interrupts you with big blush on his face.

“L-Listen MC. You’re m-my Henry! And I know this will be fun, s-so...I’ll cover it.” You leap forward and give him a hug, triggering a surprised but equally happy screech.

Honestly he is so excited you proposed an idea like that of your own volition. Like...it just makes him feel like all the games and stuff he finds fun truly don’t bother you. You haven’t been lying; you genuinely are interested in the same things as him. It makes him feel so warm.

When everyone is still arriving, you grab one of your water guns and do that cool spinny thing. You know the thing. The cowboy gun spin. You’re like, “Hey Levi! Check this out!”

BAM. Boy is OUT. So red his face is steaming. That’s the hottest thing he has ever seen in his entire damn life. What the fuck, MC. He is basically frozen on the spot out of sheer overwhelmed-ness as how hot that was. You have to drag him away when the water fight starts. Totally worth staying up all night figuring out how to do the spin trick with a water gun.

Once the action gets going, you two are unstoppable. No one escapes the fight unscathed thanks to y’all. All those late night Call of Duty sessions trained you for this!!

Your favorite tactic is definitely camping, though. You and Levi would pick a spot and hide there, waiting for one of his brothers to come by, and then...ATTACK!

If it actually were a competition, you two would’ve won by a landslide. But honestly, Levi didn’t really keep track. He was having too much fun watching you. You were so mesmerizing when you were in the zone and so gorgeous when laughing as you gave him victory high fives after a successful ambush.

You let him take a picture of you posing all tough with your water gun and he makes it his DDD background immediately. And his lockscreen so you can protect his DDD from intruders.

Satan:

THIS ASSHOLE. THIS MAN IS THE REASON YOU MADE SURE THERE WAS NO COMPETITION.

If there was any sense of competition, Satan would’ve gone absolutely out of his mind to beat Lucifer. He would make sure to destroy that man’s dignity as thoroughly as possible.

So, for the sake of both him and the eldest brother, no points. No contest. He grumbles about it, but, much like said eldest brother, he still joins because he sees how happy the idea of a family water fight makes you.

Satan treats is almost as seriously as Levi does. EVEN THOUGH YOU MADE SURE IT WASN’T A COMPETITION, HE DAMN SURE STILL ACTS LIKE IT IS. UGH.

Literally pulls a map of the House of Lamentation’s gardens out of his back pocket??? And puts it on the side of the fountain?? And starts planning maneuvers on it with you??? He pulls a pen out of his SWIM TRUNK POCKETS to use to point with and emphasize his points. You just blink at him. This is your mans. Good lord.

Considering his expert knowledge of the layout of the entire surrounding area of HoL from that map, he actually knows of some secret passages the other brothers don’t even consider. He takes you to them so you can use them to spy on what Lucifer’s the other brothers’ strategies are.

It’s only once you’re creeping around the tunnels that he realizes something: none of his brothers know where you are. They can’t bother you...time to make out.

Grabs your attention with a quiet, “MC” and gives you a smooch. Soon enough he is backing you up against the wall. A water balloon you have tied to your belt pops against the rough brick, interrupting the two of you.

Satan disregards it and move to kiss you again, but you let out a gasp. He’s worried for you for a moment: did you scrape yourself? But when you turn to look at him, there’s a mischievous glint in your eye that he loves to see.

“My water broke!” You whisper-exclaim dramatically, covering your mouth in fake shock. Satan has to nuzzle his face in your neck to avoid laughing and filling the tunnel with the echo that would alert his brothers. The two of you basically just canoodle in the passages until the water fight is over LMAO

Asmodeus:

Pretty much just to show off how good he looks in a bathing suit to you and anyone else who happens to be lucky enough to witness his glory.

He’s not the best at water fights and ends up using you as a human shield sometimes adjgfkjshf

“Asmo! Stop hiding behind me!” “I am not letting Lucifer mess up my hair twice in one day, darling!”

He comments quite often on how hot you look. Both in your bathing suit and also when in the zone looking for victims to douse in watery fury. You look like an action hero, MC! Have you ever thought about becoming the next Bond? Asmo could definitely pull some hypnotic strings.~

Every time you successfully pull him out of the way of an oncoming water balloon or block a blast of water from hitting, he totally melts. He presses his back to your chest, swooning against you and batting his eyelashes.

“Oh, MC, my hero! My dashing knight in shining armor!” You scoff, but think it’s super cute. You even play into it sometimes and pick him up bridal style.

“The king is looking for you, my prince,” you say once as you lift him, and he actually blushes. Asmodeus, avatar of lust, blushes at a silly pet name. He was not expecting you to get so into the role!!! He loves it, though.

For the rest of the water fight the two of you are basically roleplaying a royal and his knight bodyguard. It is stupidly fun and the both of you have an absolute blast.

“Oh, MC, my darling knight! I have amazing news!” Asmo says after the fight ends. You’re drying his hair off with a towel. “Yes, my liege?”

“In exchange for your wonderful and dutiful protection, you have been given permission by the crown to court me! Isn’t that wonderful?” He smiles and you throw your head back in a laugh. You lean down and give him a nice, long kiss on the lips before pulling away. “That is absolutely splendid, your highness.”

Beelzebub:

He loves the idea because it’ll get his whole family together and he knows it. He has to carry Belphie out there but that’s normal.

He helped you and Levi plan!! Excited boy. You filled him in when he joined you and Levi for a game night. He totally volunteered to go get some extra supplies from some nearby stores for y’all. So cute.

Once everyone is actually fighting, this boy WILL NOT STOP BEING A HUMAN (demon?) SHIELD FOR YOU. LIKE NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TELL HIM IT’S FINE, YOU’RE FINE, HE WILL NOT STOP.

“Babycakes, it’s okay. It’s water. It can’t hurt me.” “But I love you. I want you safe.” O H. O K A Y.

Someone call a doctor Beel just shot MC through the heart!!! He’s so genuine you just bright red and kiss his cheek because he deserve it.

“Well, I guess that’s settled then, huh?” He gives you a big Beel smile and nods, ruffling your hair affectionately.

Y’all get sprayed with water A LOT because your hungry boy is very big and hard to hide. Er, I should say HE gets sprayed a lot because he is a fantastic meat shield and you’re practically dry by the time the fight is over. He, on the other hand, is soaked to the bone.

He still insists on drying you off with a towel, though. The two of you dry each other off back in the twins’ room while Belphie dozes nearby in his bed.

You’re in the middle of drying his shoulders when he just starts talking. “That was really fun, MC. I’m really grateful for you. Ever since you’ve been here, things are always more fun. And you bring all my brother together. Thank you.”

You damn near burst into tears!!! Ahhhh!!! You sniffle and jump into his nap, wrapping your arms around him. “But MC, I’m still wet.” “I don’t care!! I’m giving you snuggles!!”

Belphegor:

Literally does not give a single fuck about a water fight until he realizes it lets him throw shit at Lucifer with absolutely zero consequences. Then he is all in.

Beel doesn’t even have to carry him around during the fight! Once he is outside and realizes all the shenanigans he can pull, he is perfectly content to grab you by the hand and be the one dragging you around, for once!

You two will probably team up with Satan and Beel at various points. Beel because he’s Beel, and Satan because he and Belphie absolutely set water balloon filled booby traps for Lucifer.

That’s his preferred strategy: set up a trap and wait in the bushes, watching for the target to approach.

He’s definitely the type to yell “Every man for himself!” if someone catches you guys hiding. Unlike his twin, he lets you get totally soaked while he runs away laughing. Dickweed.

You guys have a lot of fun, though!! Seeing Belphie excited is always a treat for you. And, though he doesn’t say anything about it, Belphie also thinks it’s a treat whenever you scheme with him. You don’t join in on his mischief often, so he always cherishes the times you do.

Eventually, after soaking Lucifer thoroughly, Belphie eventually gets a bit tired. You, however, want to keep the fun going. So, just as he begins to dose off in your hiding spot...you spray him. Right in the face.

He opens his eyes and sees you raising an eyebrow at him challengingly, giggling to yourself. He growls playfully and grabs his own water gun, quickly giving chase as you bolt.

Being a demon, he’s much quicker than you. But he lets you think you can escape for a few minutes before catching up to you and wrapping his arms around you from behind.

As you squirm and laugh in his embrace, he feels thankful he joined in on the fight, even if he was hesitant at first. After all, it led to this moment, where he can turn you around in his arms and give you a nice kiss as you melt against his chest.

#ta da!! another idea i've had for the longest time #posts #my writing #obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me x reader #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #beelzebub #belphegor

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obxsummer · 3 years

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Loss of You // Pope Heyward

Pope Heyward x Routledge!Reader

summary: you had been in love with pope since you could remember, always pining and keeping him close. being forced to see him with girl after girl, you finally give up and pope has to suffer the consequences of your broken heart.

warnings: angst, cursing, reader is v sad not gonna lie

part of #obx2celebration

masterlist

ask me anything

Pope was the worst person when it came to catching hints. He was painfully oblivious and everyone knew, but it hurt you the most. You had been in love with Pope for as long as you could remember, and you hadn’t told anyone in fear of it ruining your friendship. You really wanted to be with him, but if you said anything, you didn’t want him to be with you out of guilt.

The Pogues were throwing a kegger, which was usual for them. You were seated next to JJ with a red solo cup in your hand as you watched people add to the crowd. “Big one this time, yeah J?” You asked as you nudged the boy’s leg with your foot.

JJ’s attention was on you instantly. “Oh, for sure. It’s probably your cute face that brought them here.” You shoved his shoulder lightly before flipping him off. You and JJ had always had a good relationship, but you couldn’t even tell him about Pope without the fear of him spoiling it for you.

The one person you maybe had a shot at telling was your brother, John B. He wasn’t the best secret keeper around, but he was loyal to you and your wishes as his little sister. He was always looking out for you whether you knew it or not. He was nowhere to be seen at the kegger at the moment, but he somehow always had eyes on you.

“So,” JJ turned his attention back to you once he had bored the girl he was talking to enough for her to go away. “When are you gonna tell Pope you like him?”

You choked on the drink in your mouth. “What the fuck, JJ?” You asked once you stopped coughing.

He shrugged innocently. “Look, it’s so obvious. You always look at him like he makes the sun rise every morning. I don’t know how he hasn’t picked up on it yet.”

You groaned and pressed the palms of your hands against your eyes. “JJ,” You huffed before looking over him. “You can’t say anything to him.”

He held his hands up in defense. “Y/N, I’m not gonna tell him shit, okay? You really should though, I would find it hard to believe he isn’t obsessed with you too.” You both searched the crowd for said boy only to come up empty handed. “Seriously, Y/N. I wouldn’t lie to you about something like this.”

You huffed when you finally caught sight of Pope. He had an arm up against the trunk of a tree, cornering a girl who was smiling while talking to him. Your head fell against JJ’s shoulder as you bit your tongue to keep the tears from pooling in your eyes. He followed your gaze after a second, arm coming to wrap around your back as he pulled you closer. “Shit, Y/N… I-”

“J, it’s okay, I promise. I knew it was too good to be true.”

It was hard to say that wasn’t the last time seeing Pope with another girl broke your heart. JJ had been there every second of it, watching your face fall each time until it just stopped falling completely and stayed that way. You were much quieter, clinging to your friends tightly when you all went out. It was like the outgoing personality you had disappeared along with Pope.

John B noticed first, Kie not too far behind. For once, though, Pope was minding his own business and moving about like nothing was wrong. Your friends were worried. You had never been through a big heartbreak, mainly just flings here and there if at all, but breaking up with someone you never dated was like mourning someone who died that you never got to say goodbye to.

“Y/N/N, you alright?” Your brother asked as he sat next to you on the concrete wall you were moping on. It seemed to be the only thing you did lately, feel pity for yourself. John B didn’t blame you, in fact, he wanted you to feel every emotion you could so you could process it, feel it, and recover safely.

You shook your head, finally admitting to your brother that not everything was okay. “I um… It’s really hard, JB, seeing someone you love with someone else when you feel like they should be with you. A-And I know it’s not Pope’s fault, I can’t blame him for not liking me, but it just hurts.”

Your brother pulled you into his side, his arm resting around your shoulders as he did his best to comfort you. “Look, bubba. I know you really like Pope, and I’m sorry you have to sit here and watch him act this way, but I want you to know that it’s okay to be upset. You’re allowed to be hurting, but I promise you, there is no reason for anyone not to like you. You’re the best girl I know, Y/N, and I’m your brother so clearly that’s saying something.”

John B always did his best to get a laugh out of you when you were sad. You let out a small scoff, tucking your head into your brother’s shoulder as he rubbed your arm. It felt nice to have someone comfort you, tell you it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. You had gone in circles since you first heard Pope talk about taking someone on a date. You could only blame yourself, you didn’t exactly make a move either, but it felt too risky to put Pope’s friendship with everyone else on the line.

“Y/N, everything okay?” A shiver went down your spine at the familiar voice intruding your moment with John B. You sat up straighter, your brother’s hand falling from your arm before he gave you a reassuring rub on the head and stepped away to give you some space.

Once your brother disappeared from view, you looked up at the boy standing in front of you. “What do you want, Pope?” You asked, not sheltering him from the frustration in your tone.

He looked taken back at the hostility. “Whoa, are you mad or something?”

“Am I mad?” You repeated as you stood up to your full height, taking Pope head on. You had to do this now or you probably never would. “Yeah, Pope, I am really mad, and it’s not even your fault.”

“What does that mean?”

You groaned, mad at yourself that you had let things get like this between the two of you. “I loved you, okay? I loved you so much, and I never told you because I was worried things would change for us and our friends. I sat here and I watched you go with all these girls and make dates and I didn’t say a word. That’s my fault and I’m sorry, but right now, I cannot act like everything’s okay when it’s not. I’m not asking you to fix anything, I just need time and I need space.”

Pope was staring at you, mouth opened wide in shock as he tried to comprehend everything you just tossed at him. He shook his head slightly to clear the blur in his mind. “You… you loved me? Past tense, as in not right now?”

You glared at him. “Out of all I said, that’s what you grasped?”

“Yes, that’s what I grasped!” Pope tossed his hands about wildly. He was so confused. For once in his life, he had no idea what was going on. “Y/N…” He trailed off and shook his head slowly.

“Don’t look at me like that,” You snapped as you dropped your gaze to your knees.

“Like what?”

“Like you love me,” You finished, looking up to glare at him. Your chest was tight and you knew you’d end up crying to JB again later since you finally confronted the problem head on. “I’m moving through this on my own, processing and just… we’ll be back to normal eventually, Pope. I promise. I just need time.”

You didn’t give him room to reply as you stalked off, hands tucked in JJ’s hoodie that you’d been wearing. Pope stared at you as you walked, his own heart breaking as he realized exactly what he had done, what he had been doing. He always thought you were interested in JJ, never him. He distracted himself with other people, other things to do, so he didn’t have to watch the two of you interact in a way that made him hurt. It was now though, that Pope realized he had been hurting you all along, and he never realized it. He sank down on the wall you had been occupying and placed his head in his hands.

Now, it was his turn to grieve someone he never had.

#obx2celebration #pope outer banks #outer banks series #outer banks one shot #outer banks fanfic #outer banks netflix #outer banks x reader #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks imagine #pope heyward #pope heyward writing #pope heyward imagine #pope heyward blurb #pope heyward x reader #pope heyward one shot #pope heyward x you

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monochromemedic · 3 years

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I had been stuck in the Dark World for who knows how long. The days didn’t seem to matter down here. No sun, no moon, just the vibrant green grid that coated the sky that would twitch and surge with occasional frequency. When I first got here, I fought hard to get back to the surface, to fight for any sense of normalcy, for home but after a while the dream began to fade. The options began to run dry when compared to the dangers that surrounded me. And so I settled. I survived. I searched for food, begged for shelter from kind Darkners. I did what I had to to live. The Queen was not an option. Whispers from Darkners told me how I was just what she was looking for, that would help her expand her reign to the Light World. As much as that would probably help me, I didn’t want to ruin the lives of others for the chance to see my family, as much as I missed them with every passing minute. The sound of bustling cars and the blinding lights of neon signs stung my senses, my palms pressing into my eyes to drown out what I could. Damn it this place never slept did it? There was always something, some sort of noise. Whatever bags I had under my eyes were probably made cartoonishly drastic with the lack of pure rest I was getting. ‘Supose it was better then being dead... My body felt heavy, and I knew I’d have to find a place to rest or I’d fall asleep mid crossing of a road and get run over by one of those goofy cars I’d seen. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad... I recalled the time one of the car’s rear bumped into a fire hydrant (or at least I thought it was) and made a squeaking sound. The darkness of a certain alley called to me, the silence a sweet lullaby to the roaring around me. Was it dangerous? Oh yeah. Was it stupid? No shit. Was I going to do it? The shadows the engulfed me were perfect and if it wasn’t for the underlying stench of garbage it’d probably be ideal. Still beggars couldn’t be choosers and if tonight was good enough I would have to consider having this as my permanent sleeping spot. My back slid against the cool wall across from the dumpster, eyes half lidded as they read the advertisements littering above. Why the hell did the Queen have ads anyway, if she wanted she could monopolize any products she wanted... Despite the quiet I couldn’t shake the feeling that creeped down my spine. The presence of something other then myself around me. I tried to close my eyes, I was in the city after all. It’d be concerning if I didn’t feel like people were one second from crawling up my ass. Though I had to admit I didn’t expect to actually feel something begin to touch me. My eyes snapped open, elbow prodding into a blurry shape that yelped and tumbled backward, it’s grasp my on shoulder tearing a hole in my already worn shirt in the struggle. “Hey! What the hell?!” I barked, standing over the perpetrator. My shoulders slumped when I saw what looked to be a doll staring up at me with wide eyes, an over exaggerated smile permanently spread across it’s face. The creature’s jaw opened wider with a clack, it’s small body shooting upwards to stand on it’s small pointed feet. “WOAH WOAH WOAHAH- [Live worms]!” The darkner’s voice was deafeningly loud, a shrill tone that cut the air like newly sharpened blades. “ I THOUGHT YOU WERE [Roadkill]. NICE TO KNOW I WON’T BE [Sleeping with the fishes] T0NIGHT!!” Well he had a certain way of speaking that was obvious. What the hell was going on with him, he talked like he was constantly being cut of random clips of other people speaking. He talked like a youtube poop or any other shitpost that would randomly shove memes into them for a quick laugh. “You thought I was dead? I was just... I was... uh.” I looked around me, eyeing the dirt and debris. “I was... going to sleep... here.” Dammit, telling people I had to sleep in such ratty places were always a blow to the ego but I suppose it was better then saying ‘Oh I was just sitting down here to die’ The puppet shook his head and waltzed over to the dumpster, his small hand smacking the side with a sense of pride. “ [Finders keepers, losers weepers] HUMAN, YOU PICKED A GOOD SPOT. TOO BAD [so sadd] I GOT HERE FIRST. THOUGH FOR A DEAL I SUPPOSE I COULD [Share the love~]” “Got here first... what are you talking about?” The Darkner let out a laugh, distorted echoes filling the air as he leapt inside, a solitary hand popping out to beg me to come closer. This was a terrible idea, but despite my best judgement I followed, and witnessed what I could only describe to be a makeshift bed inside. The puppet laid on top of musty mats and raggedy rugs, a single stained pillow resting just beneath his head. My god was he living in here? The creature continued his laugh, lurching only a few inches away from my face. “ [Sweet deal] ISN’T IT? J3ALOUS, [baby]?” I shirked back, cheeks reddening at the tone of his last word. I was most defiantly not jealous, in fact I was filled with remorse, something his pride did not help with. “It’s... uh something. I guess this means I’ll have to find another alleyway um, sorry for bothering you-” “SPAMTON.” “What?” His hand shot out towards my chest, fingers wiggling for a handshake. “SP-SPA MTON G SPAMTON, [Number 1 rated salesmen 1997]” He announced, an extra flair of bravado laced his titled. His hand was surprisingly warm for what it was made of but nothing that would be described as body temperature. “Jenna. Also 1997.” “WHAT A YEAR. LISTEN LIGHT nER, I AM DEALSMAN [yes/no?]” “Um... y-yes? I don’t-” “THEN LET ME MAKE A DEAL YEAH? FOR ONLY [many] KROMER, YOU MAY STAY IN MY [Privately owned] ALLEY. IT’S A REAL [steal] YOU’RE ROBBING ME [deaf] HERE!” My brows furrowed as I searched his face for any context clues for what the hell he was trying to say. Kromer? What the fuck was ‘kromer’? The only thing I knew of currency down here was dark dollars not kromer... even if he did ask for dark dollars he didn’t name a price, he just said many. And the amount of dark dollars I had was zero. “Uh I don’t have kromer. I don’t even have dark dollars I’m kinda broke Spamton, in case you couldn’t tell from uh...” I trailed off realizing saying that sleeping in an alley wasn’t a very smart thing to say to someone who slept in an alley. He seemed surprised by my words, beginning to tug on my coat, flipping my pockets to see if I was really lying. I had to push his mitts off me a couple of times, to which he eventually got the idea the way his hands began to rub at his extended jaw. “NO KROMER... WHAT CAN YOU DO?” “What do you mean?” He seemed to sense my change in tone, his grin beginning to wobble nervously “[Whoopsie daisy!] LET ME START AGAIN. DO YOU HAVE A [trade]? A [skill] TO [Exchange for goods and services]?” he croaked. I eyed the ground, rubbing the back of my neck. What the hell was I good at again? “I mean, I can draw, I suppose...” “ARTIST? WOW OWOW!” Spamton’s face lit up before digging in the dumpster, pulling out a few napkins and a ball point pen and shoving them into my hands. “WHAT A [trade] TELL YOU WHAT. YOU DRAW A [one-of-a-kind masterpiece] AND YOU CAN STAY THE NIGHT!” “You’ll let me stay... if I draw something for you on this napkin. Am I getting that right?” The doll nodded feverishly, basically hovering over my shoulder as I played with the pen. This was certainly the weirdest way to pay someone that I could imagine... well no but one that was in the realm of reality. I had to ask Spamton to give me some space a few time, the feeling of his breath on my neck making me more then nervous as I drew. God he was like those kids in school that would ask for drawings but ten times worse with the amount of personal space he’d give you. Besides I needed something to draw and with nothing on the mind why not draw the most interesting thing in front of me. I held the finished doodle out to Spamton only to have it snatched out of my fingers so fast I swore we could have started a fire. “WOAH...” The puppet sank inside of the dumpster, his face softening as for once in what seemed like forever the alley way grew silent. “THIS IS... ME?” “Yeah. Sorry I didn’t know what to draw, you kind of put me on the spot. Besides everyone likes drawings of themselves right?” I shrugged, being pulled away from my thoughts by an overdramatic sniffle. Was he... crying? Not quite, just damn well close. Spamton’s shoulders quaked as a warm smile returned to his cheeks, slipping the napkin into his pocket with glee. “SO GOOD... THANK YOU.” “It’s really nothing, honestly that was a pretty shitty drawing.” “WHAT? YOU’RE [&#!^]ING ME! THAT WAS [BIG SHOT]” He was screaming again, hands gesturing wildly about. “It wasn’t but thank you. I wish I was better to be honest. I’m not very happy with my art, not at all.” I turned away from his gaze, unsure of why I was overcome by a choking sensation building my throat. Why the hell was I telling this stranger this sort of stuff anyway? I mean I could hazard a guess it was the fact that this was the longest conversation I had had with anyone since I had gotten down here but with how things were it could be some magic power the doll possessed to tell him my deepest darkest secrets. “YOU DON’T THINK THIS IS [Big?]” “No.” “WHY NOT?” “I don’t know. I just... I think it doesn’t look the way I want it to. Doesn’t look good to me, and I don’t know how to fix it. Which I guess is a little funny considering how long I’ve been drawing. Just keep... drawing and drawing and never improving, least not how I’d like. It’s just garbage to me.” Spamton’s face seemed to fall, his glasses fading to a dark inky black. “YOU FEEL? NO GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO? YOUR [passion]?” “Yeah.” A laugh ripped from his chest, his head lolling back with each chuckle. I felt my soul began to crack, a shame flooding my body with how hard he seemed to laugh. Did he find this funny? Humorous? I felt tears prick my eyes as I snapped my head back to glare at him, his head glitching back to stare back at me. “YOU’RE JUST LIKE ME, JENNA. A [slime] A REAL [slime]!” With a quick motion the puppet jumped to the ground, his hand resting against my arm as he spoke. “YOU’RE A REAL [BIG SHOT] YOU KNOW THAT? STAY AS LONG AS YOUR [Greasy little heart] DESIRES!” Well... that was unexpected. He’d really let me stay here as long as I want cause I was pathetic? Or did he just feel sorry for me? What was going on? And why was he calling me a slime... or us a slime? “Oh... uh thanks? I didn’t think I was being much of a big shot whatever that is but I apricate it. Really.” His head clacked with every little nod, leading me to a pile of cardboard boxes and patting them with the grace of a car salesman. “BEST [Seat in the house] ALL FOR YOU. [Night night forever]!” Spamton beamed, awkwardly swaying side to side before stumbling back to the dumpster a few inches away and crawling inside of it, much like a wild animal. I couldn’t help but laugh a little. This guy was weird. Kinda creepy but also kind of funny. I honestly couldn’t pinpoint a feeling on him but at least he didn’t want to hurt me just make weird ass deals and make me ‘big’. Did that mean famous? Was this guy so into my art he wanted to be some sort of manager? I rubbed my eyes and let out a yawn, the excitement of the day finally beginning to fade. God I forgot how tired I was, that little guy made me feel like I was gonna go into fight or flight. “Hey Spamton?” “YES?” his voice echoed from inside the metal container. “...Thank you.”

#self insert #spamton #vent #idk im just thinking #just wanted something to do

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blackswan18 · 3 years

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Too Good To Be True - Ch. 51 | kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 8.2k

warnings: none

Chapter 51: The Candle And The Sun

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The moment the paramedics closed the ambulance doors, the gravity of the whole situation finally started sinking in. You had a terrible fight with Tae during which you accused him of cheating and still needed to have what would surely be a heart wrenching conversation with him about it. Your secret was out and you were going to be fired. And, you had fainted, been unconscious for over a minute, and were now headed to the hospital, one of your least favorite places on Earth.

Each one of those experiences was incredibly stressful in and of itself so the fact that they all occurred within the span of an hour was downright overwhelming. As the ambulance roared to life, you could feel the panic beginning to envelop you, but then suddenly Mrs. Choi reached over from where she was sitting beside you and took your hand. She didn’t say anything, just gave you a smile which you returned, but with that small, simple gesture you felt yourself instantly relax. You weren’t alone. It was going to be OK. Taking a deep, steadying breath, you pulled out your phone with your free hand and sent a few quick messages to Tae.

[Taehyung 7:52 PM] I know you’re busy meeting with Bang PD, but I just want to say I’m so sorry for everything.

[Taehyung 7:52 PM] Thank you for taking care of me and sticking up for me and coming with me.

[Taehyung 7:53 PM] I love you and I’ll see you soon.

The drive went by rather quickly and before you knew it, you were being wheeled into the emergency department at the Seoul National University Hospital. Bypassing the horde of people in the waiting room, you were immediately escorted to a private, secluded room just as Bang PD had requested. It looked a little on the nicer side compared to the other hospital rooms you’d had the misfortune of frequenting throughout your mom’s illness, but all in all it was about what you were expecting: cold, sterile, depressing. Thankfully you weren’t alone when the admissions nurse left the room; Mrs. Choi was there to help you get settled in and keep your nerves from running amuck. Even still, you were anxiously waiting for Tae to arrive.

[Taehyung 8:14 PM] Just got to the hospital.

[Taehyung 8:18 PM] I’m in room 304.

[Taehyung 8:20 PM] Mrs. Choi said she can meet you at the back entrance when you arrive and bring you here.

While you waited to hear back from Tae, Mrs. Choi and you made idle chit chat. To your surprise, she did not chastise you for your blatant disregard of the rules of your contract. In fact, she didn’t say anything at all about the massive revelation from the roof and the consequences you were surely going to suffer as a result. On the contrary, she was nothing but supportive, reassuring you numerous times that everything was going to be OK and urging you to rest. Her presence was extremely comforting and you found yourself feeling increasingly grateful that she had offered to come with you.

When the door to your room opened fifteen minutes later, your heart immediately leapt thinking Tae had finally made it, but it sunk back down just as quickly when you realized your visitor was just another nurse. After Mrs. Choi quietly excused herself to the waiting room to give you privacy, the nurse began doing an examination. She checked your vitals again and asked you some general questions about your health and medical history. Next, she had you go into the en-suite bathroom to provide a urine sample so they could run some tests. Finally, she drew some of your blood so even more tests could be done. Once you were done with all that, she let you know that a doctor would be in with you shortly and then exited the room, leaving you alone for the first time since everything happened.

[Taehyung 8:38 PM] They just took my blood and I didn’t even cry.

[Taehyung 8:38 PM] You would be so proud.

[Taehyung 8:39 PM] But, I still wish I could have held your hand.

[Taehyung 8:40 PM] Are you close?

[Taehyung 8:45 PM] Or at least only your way?

You couldn’t deny that you were beginning to get ever-so-slightly stressed that Tae hadn’t arrived yet or, at the very least, responded to your texts. Back on the roof, Bang PD had made it seem like their conversation would be brief, but it had now been over an hour since you left Big Hit. If the whole point of letting Tae come was so that he could be with you during the examinations and procedures and other things that frightened you, why was Bang PD keeping him this long?

When the door opened again a little while later and it once again wasn’t Tae, but rather your doctor, your heart plummeted even further. She was an older woman with a kind face and an even kinder voice, but her warm smile did nothing to calm your nerves. She agreed with the paramedic’s initial assessment, that you fainted due to a combination of low blood sugar from not having dinner and emotional distress from your fight. However, she did still order an electrocardiogram to check for any heart arrhythmias and said a technician would come by soon to administer the test. After telling you to just sit tight and giving you another encouraging smile, she then left the room.

[Taehyung 9:01 PM] They’re going to do an ECG to make sure my heart is OK.

[Taehyung 9:01 PM] I’m kind of nervous.

[Taehyung 9:02 PM] I hope you can get here soon.

As the seconds ticked by and still you received no response, your heart sank lower and lower and lower. You knew an ECG was a standard, completely harmless procedure, but you still wanted Tae there with you when it was performed. You wanted him to hold your hand and rub your thumb with his and remind you that everything was going to be OK. For twenty minutes you sat there staring at your phone, willing it to light up with a message notification, but sadly none ever came. When the door finally opened again and the ECG technician wheeled in the machine, your heart crashed down on the cold basement floor of your chest. Fighting back tears, you sent off a few more messages before putting your phone away so the test could begin.

[Taehyung 9:12 PM] Tae?

[Taehyung 9:12 PM] Is everything OK?

[Taehyung 9:13 PM] Are you still coming?

The second the tech left the room a half hour later, you glanced down at your phone only to be met with the same devastating sight as before: no new messages. Reading and rereading the unanswered string of evermore desperate-sounding ones you sent to Tae, a pit grew in your stomach as you began seriously considering the possibility that he wasn’t actually coming. You wondered if Bang PD changed his mind and decided not to let him come after all or worse, if he never intended for Tae to come in the first place and had only said that so he would leave the roof. You would be disappointed to learn that either of those things were true, but both of them were better than the other explanation swirling through your mind: that Tae had decided not to come.

He had been so affectionate and protective back on the roof, and had promised that the two of you would be OK, but what if that had just been a gut reaction? What if he had only acted that way because he felt guilty that you fainted? What if, now that the crisis was over and he’d had time to think through everything that happened, he was having second thoughts about you and your future together?

You knew it wasn’t productive or healthy to contemplate such things, but you couldn’t help it. You were alone and anxious, physically exhausted and emotionally unstable. The memory of Tae’s reaction to your accusation played on an endless loop in your mind, how his face had crumpled and his lower lip began to tremble before the first few tears slowly spilled out. He looked heartbroken, absolutely shattered, and it was all your fault. If he couldn’t forgive you for the hurt you’d caused and didn’t want to be with you anymore, could you even blame him?

Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, you tried to corral your toxic, wandering thoughts. He promised he would be there and he promised you two would be OK. He promised. He wouldn’t break that promise. He wouldn’t have said those words if he didn’t mean them.

Right?

In an attempt to calm yourself down, you started singing ‘Sweet Night’ in your head. You tried to imagine the way Tae had done it back on the roof, how soft and soothing his voice had been, but the melody running through your mind right now was the opposite of comforting. It was unmistakably sorrowful, but two lines in particular had your breath hitching and your heart leaping up into your throat.

Now my forever’s falling down Wondering if you’d want me now?

Tae told you once that he wrote ‘Sweet Night’ from the perspective of his future self. Years from now, once he left BTS and you left Big Hit and the rules of your contracts no longer applied, he would come find you and confess his love. The window that was your time spent as colleagues and friends would be closed, but the door to your future as so much more would be wide open. You would walk through it together and the sadness of having once been ‘ships in the night’ would be forgotten entirely.

Unfortunately, that beautiful, picture perfect scenario is not the one that ended up playing out. After slowly drifting towards one another for three years, you grew impatient. You blatantly disregarded the will of the tides and instead chose to force your way forward with reckless haste. But, when the vast expanse of space between you finally disappeared, you didn’t pass by each other as nature intended, you collided, the result of which was your improbable, forbidden, whirlwind romance. And now, rather than floating on in opposite directions, the door still open to one day meet again and move forward together, you were both sinking to the bottom of the sea.

Maybe this was what you deserved. You broke the rules and cheated the system. You tried to have your cake and eat it too, but your plan backfired horrendously and now you were in danger of losing everything. In one fell swoop, you could lose the love of your life, your best friend, and your job. It would be a terrible end to your journey, but you would really only have yourself to blame.

Tears welled up in your eyes as the harsh reality began setting in. It had been almost two hours since you left Big Hit. If Tae was coming, surely he would have arrived by now. While there could still be a valid reason for why he wasn’t with you, his silence warned you not to get your hopes up. At this point, you realized it would probably be best for you to just acknowledge that he wasn’t coming and maybe even tell him you were doing fine on your own. That way if he had chosen not to come he wouldn’t feel so guilty and you also wouldn’t look so pathetic.

With a trembling hand, you pulled out your phone and began typing the message, trying to strike the right balance of contrition and nonchalance. After writing and rewriting it countless times, you were finally about to press send when suddenly the door to your room opened yet again. There in the doorway was a hooded figure, wearing a black facemask and dark sunglasses. The disguise was excellent, the average person would have no idea who was hidden behind it, but you knew instantly who it was.

Tae

For a few moments he just stood there, taking in the sight of you curled up on the bed in a sad, lonely heap, but then he was quickly stepping into the room. The instant the door closed behind him you burst into tears. In a heartbeat, he crossed the room and climbed onto the bed beside you, ripping off the hood, mask, and glasses as he went. As he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to his chest, you buried your face in the crook of his neck and sobbed, letting out everything you had been holding back since you woke up back on the roof in a terrified daze.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he said guiltily between kisses to your temple. “I’m sorry I’m so late.”

“I meant to be here hours ago, but my meeting with Bang PD ended up being so long and then the security team had concerns about me coming here,” he went on as he rubbed your back soothingly. “My phone was dead so I couldn’t text you and I didn’t realize until we left just how late it had gotten.”

“But, I…I should have found a way to let you know what was happening,” he then added quietly as you continued to weep, your frail body racking with sobs. “I should have had someone else text you or Mrs. Choi. God, Jagi. I’m so sorry. You…you must have been so worried.”

It took you several minutes to calm down enough so that you could actually speak. The emotion you were most overcome with was relief, but there was a small part of you that was frustrated with him. The last two hours of radio silence had been torture. Just the briefest of messages from him could have put you at ease and stopped you from spiraling.

“I was afraid you weren’t coming,” you finally confessed, your words shaky and muffled.

“I texted you a bunch of times, but you didn’t respond,” you went on. “I started worrying that something was wrong.”

“I-I thought maybe you changed your mind about us being OK,” you then added, your voice breaking at the end.

He hugged you to him even more tightly as he realized just how much worry he had caused you by leaving you all alone and in the dark for so long.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” he replied back, his voice thick and strained, filled with such pain. “Of course you would worry like that after two hours without hearing from me. It was so careless of me to let that happen. I should have realized the meeting would be long and asked to use someone’s phone as soon as the lawyer got there.”

“I’m so sorry,” he repeated before pressing a long kiss to your forehead.

Any trace of frustration you felt over his lack of communication vanished that instant. You just couldn’t be upset with him. Not when he sounded so remorseful and you were just so happy that he was finally there. And, not when it seemed like he had a valid and highly disconcerting reason to have been too distracted to get in touch with you.

“Baby, it’s OK,” you assured him, pulling back to look at him. “You’re here now and that’s all that matters.”

“But…why did you have to meet with a lawyer?” you then asked nervously. “Are we in that much trouble for breaking our contracts?”

“No, it’s not that,” he quickly replied, giving you a reassuring squeeze. “Honestly, we barely talked at all about our contracts and the fact that we broke them or how we’re going to be disciplined.”

Those words came as quite a bit of a shock, but it was his next ones that had your blood running cold.

“We actually spent the entire time talking about Jisoo,” he then said, his voice hushed.

At the mention of her name, a shiver went up your spine. So much had happened in the last few hours that you had almost forgotten what had been the ultimate catalyst for it all, but suddenly you were right back there with her in the elevator. Just remembering the smug smirk she had given you through the mirror as she flashed you those hickies was enough to make your insides churn.

“From the very beginning Bang PD was suspicious of my ‘relationship’ with her, not because he thought I was fake dating her to hide another relationship, but because he thought she might be blackmailing me,” Tae revealed with a shudder. “That’s obviously a serious accusation and he had no proof so he hadn’t said anything to me yet, but he’s been keeping an eye out for any signs that she was coercing me into being with her.”

“He had a meeting with her recently to discuss her contract renewal and the topic of our ‘relationship’ came up,” he went on. “She apparently made it seem like we were going to be together for a while, but did so in a way that felt strange and forced, like she knew for a fact that I wouldn’t be breaking up with her anytime soon. He said he just got a bad feeling from the conversation and that it reinforced his worry that something was wrong.”

“He was actually going to ask to meet with me next week to talk about it, but then everything happened tonight. When we met in his office, I told him the whole story about the fake dating cover, including that I was planning to propose and how she manipulated the situation and tried to break us up. He’s now more worried than ever that she might try something,” he then said nervously.

“Tae, what exactly do you mean by ‘try something’?” you questioned, fear evident in your shaky voice.

“He thinks that if I confront her and try to end the fake dating agreement, she’ll threaten to reveal our relationship to the public,” he admitted, looking and sounding deeply concerned.

“Which is why he called in one of the Big Hit lawyers so we could talk through our options and make a plan,” he then quickly explained. “They want me to meet with her and secretly record it so we can go to the police with hard evidence if she tries to threaten or blackmail me.”

Up until now, you hadn’t really even thought about what you and Tae were going to do with regard to Jisoo. You were so focused on the future of your own relationship that it hadn’t occurred to you that he needed to end the fake one he was in with her. As much as you wanted to believe that Bang PD and the lawyer were overreacting, that they were taking such measures out of an abundance of caution, you knew in your heart that their concerns were completely justified.

She had already done unspeakably terrible things and proven she was a cruel, sadist person who only cared about herself and couldn’t be trusted. The idea that she was going to let things between her and Tae end in a quiet, amicable manner was simply absurd. A wave of anxiety crashed over you upon realizing how much more pain she could cause you two with all the information she had about your relationship. She knew so much, enough to ruin Tae’s image and possibly even his entire career, enough to jeopardize not only your privacy and safety, but that of the other members and their partners

“Jagi, it’s going to be OK,” he assured you, noting your fearful expression. “We have help now. We don’t have to do this alone. For all we know she might not even try anything, but if she does Big Hit will protect us.”

“Before I meet with her, though, I need to know everything. What she said and when she said it. How she threatened you. How she was able to do this to us,” he then added, his tone somber.

“Can you tell me what happened, sweetheart?” he asked gently as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “I promise I’m not going to be mad and that we’re still going to be OK after you do.”

With a heavy heart, you nodded and then started recounting everything that had led you to this fateful moment. You admitted that the night she suggested they ‘up their game’ was when you began questioning her motives. You also confessed that was when you first wondered if he secretly enjoyed spending time with her. You explained how she then started taunting you the following Friday afternoon and how you initially just clapped back saying you didn’t care about them ‘playing pretend’. You told him about her insinuation that they had done something inappropriate in her recording studio and how you noted his cagey behavior when you asked him about it later that night.

One of the hardest things to tell him about was your elaborate plan to rub your relationship in her face. You confessed to purposefully getting him all worked up with the lingerie, sexting, and bondage last Sunday and by wearing his clothes, promising to do the photoshoot, and teasing him during the fitting the next day. You admitted that you’d made it obvious to her that you’d not only had sex the night before, but that the two of you were going home during lunch to have sex again. You told him about her chilling response of ‘He’s lying to you’ and how you saw the message from ‘J’ shortly after, but how seeing Jimin’s text convinced you everything was OK.

You told him about all the revelations you’d had this past week and how you planned to tell him everything last night, but that him coming home and acting so strange instantly set you back on edge. You explained how everything had continued to unravel throughout the day as you realized he was lying to you and avoiding you. And, finally, you recounted the awful encounter with her in the elevator which had proven to be your breaking point.

“I know I asked you to tell me, and I’m glad that you did, but it was still really hard to hear all that, '' he said quietly after you finished, the hurt deeply etched onto his face.

You could tell from the way he was nervously biting his lower lip that there was more he wanted to say, but that he was struggling to say it. After trying and failing several times to get the words out, he ultimately just closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against yours.

“You can tell me, Tae,” you gently encouraged him, despite how scared you were to hear the words that were causing him such angst. “Whatever it is, I-I want you to tell me.”

It took him another full minute to gather the courage to speak and when he did his voice was filled with such sadness that your eyes instantly filled with tears.

“I waited for you, Jagi,” he finally said. “I waited for you and then I gave myself to you because I love you with all my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Knowing that you allowed yourself to believe I was cheating on you makes me feel like you don’t respect that commitment that I made to you,” he then confessed.

“You know how meaningful intimacy is to me,” he went on after a few moments of heartbreaking silence. “It’s a way for me to be close to you and take care of you and show you how much I love you. Whether we’re just kissing or we're making love, it’s always special to me. It’s always something I cherish and never take for granted.”

“I know how awful Jisoo made you feel, and I know how guilty she made me look, but it still just hurts so much that you thought I could ever share that experience with someone else,” he admitted before his voice gave out and the quietest of cries left his lips.

His words cut you to the bone and rendered you absolutely speechless. You knew you had hurt him with your accusation, but the true depth of his sorrow was almost too unbearable to behold. As tears began silently streaming down your face, cold tendrils of self loathing slowly wrapped themselves around your mind. You did this. You caused this pain to the person you loved most in the whole world.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” you went on sadly, knowing your words would never be enough to convey all that you felt. “I’m sorry I believed her and didn’t trust you. I’m sorry I manipulated you to get back at her. I’m sorry I accused you of cheating. I’m sorry I messed up your proposal surprise. I’m sorry I got you in trouble with Big Hit.”

“I’m sorry I ruined everything,” you finally sobbed.

“Sweetheart, you didn’t ruin anything,” he said as he brought his hand up to cup your cheek. “I’m upset about what happened because we both got hurt, but I’m not angry at you and I certainly don’t blame you.”

“This was my fault,” he went on, sounding so unbelievably guilty. “I didn’t take care of you. I didn’t keep you safe.”

“I-I let this happen. I let her hurt you, hurt us,” he added as his voice broke.

“I never should have trusted her and put you through this in the first place,” he said regretfully, his own tears falling freely now. “She hurt us over the summer, almost ruined our relationship before it even started, and I still let her back into our lives. You told me that first night that you were afraid to trust her and tried to tell me again two weeks ago, but I didn’t listen.”

“I promised I wouldn’t let her hurt you, but I broke that promise,” he confessed quietly as he rubbed away your tears with his thumb.

“I’m sorry, Jagi,” he then whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“Baby, you don’t need to apologize,” you replied guiltily, bringing your own hand up to cradle his face. “I’m the problem. You said I was strong, but I’m not. I’m broken.”

“Please don’t say that, sweetheart,” he pleaded as he took your hand in his and kissed your fingertips. “You’re not broken.”

“You were scared and overwhelmed because I put you in an awful situation,” he admitted, his voice thick with shame. “It was thoughtless of me to be keeping secrets and sneaking around while we were in the middle of this mess with Jisoo. Even if she wasn’t manipulating everything I said and did, I should have realized how hurtful it would be for me to act that way and how it might have looked.”

“But, I should have just talked to you,” you replied with a frustrated whimper, more tears now spilling out. “I should have been honest about how I was feeling all along and I should have told you when she began taunting me and I started having doubts.”

As you said those words, you collapsed back into his embrace, your head coming down to rest on his chest just over his heart. For several minutes he didn’t respond, he just held you close while he gently ran his fingers through your hair, periodically pressing little kisses to your forehead.

“Why didn’t you?” he finally asked with such sorrow in his voice that it made your heart ache. “Why didn't you tell me I was hurting you so much?”

It was the million dollar question. One you knew he would ask. One you had asked yourself countless times already over the last few hours. The most obvious answer was rather simple: you were insecure and terrible at communicating your feelings. However, as you thought back to what transpired on the roof, recalled the way Manager Sejin, and even Bang PD to some extent, had reacted to the situation, something finally dawned on you. Although you absolutely were insecure and terrible at communicating, you realized that there was another, far more complicated and rather heartbreaking reason for why you had been holding back all this time.

“Jagi, I can’t read your mind,” he then said sadly, like it was a personal failure that he did not possess this ability. “If we’re going to get married and you’re going to be my wife, you need to be able to tell me things, even things you think will be hard for me to hear.”

You knew he was right and decided it was time to tell him the full truth, even though you knew it was going to absolutely crush him. After spending several minutes in silence, nervously tracing patterns on his chest with your finger, you took a deep breath and then finally spoke.

“I don’t feel equal to you,” you confessed quietly.

“You’re Kim Taehyung, world-famous K-pop idol who is adored and respected by millions and who has all this wealth and influence and power, but I’m just... me,” you went on. “I’m just a lowly stylist that no one knows or cares about who is still paying off college loans and will never be anyone special or do anything significant.”

“You’re so successful and incredible and so many people would kill to be in my shoes that sometimes I feel like I should just be happy and grateful to be with you at all, even if it’s in a way that hurts me,” you admitted.

“And, being forced to hide and lie and keep everything a secret hurt me,” you then added, clutching his shirt tightly as fresh tears pricked at your eyes.

You took a few moments to collect yourself, taking several deep, steadying breaths. He gave you all the time you needed, affectionately rubbing your arm while he patiently waited for you to continue.

“When we came home from America I told you I wanted to tell the truth and leave Big Hit, but you convinced me to stay and keep lying. Then you made the decision to fake date Jisoo without talking to me first and just expected me to be OK with it,” you said next, your voice now beginning to tremble.

“I-I wasn’t OK with it, but I didn't know what to do. I felt trapped, Tae,” you said, pausing briefly to let that sink in and also gather yourself again. “You clearly thought it was a good idea and what was best for us so I just put on a brave face and tried to be strong for you. I didn’t want you to get in trouble. I didn’t want to make you feel guilty. I just wanted you to be safe and happy. Even once Jisoo started saying stuff and I realized you were lying to me, I was still just so afraid to confront you because I didn't want to hurt you or make you upset.”

The words were pouring out of you now and there was absolutely nothing you could do to stop them, but you didn’t want to stop them. After days and weeks and months of bottling everything up, you were suddenly desperate to let it all out.

“I didn’t tell you my feelings because they felt less important than yours,” you finally said, choking back a sob. “Because I felt less important than you.”

You hadn’t fully understood that this was how you felt until now, but the moment those words left your lips everything came into sharp focus.

“You’re the sun, Tae,” you told him, voice barely above a whisper. “You’re the sun and I am just this tiny, flickering candle.”

“Compared to you I just feel so inferior,” you then revealed as the tears began pouring out again. “Not even in terms of status or talent or wealth, but as a person. Part of it is definitely my own insecurity, but a lot of it is because that’s honestly how society views us. You are literally worth more than me - to Big Hit, to this country, to the world - and that fact has never been more painfully clear to me than tonight when Manager Sejin's first reaction to what happened was to be more concerned about your reputation than my wellbeing.”

“Up on the roof everyone was talking about me and making decisions that directly affected me, but I wasn’t even part of the conversation,” you continued dejectedly, remembering how powerless you felt at the time. “I was legitimately afraid to speak because I didn’t want to make someone upset or get you in trouble. The one time I tried to talk, I was literally told to ‘stay out of it’. I felt like my opinion and my feelings didn’t matter, so I stopped trying to share them and just stayed quiet.”

“I know I can’t expect you to read my mind, but if we’re going to get married and you’re going to be my husband, you need to understand that because of your job and who you are I often feel like I have no voice,” you finally confessed.

Upon letting all of that out, you felt a massive weight lift off your chest, but the relief you felt was short lived when you saw the look of absolute devastation on Tae’s face. You had done exactly as he asked, told him something you knew would be hard for him to hear, and the result was just as excruciatingly painful as you feared it would be.

“Jagi, it breaks my heart that you feel this way because of me,” he said despondently, his eyes brimming with tears.

“Of course you're important and special. Of course your opinions and feelings matter,” he went on as a few drops began sliding down his cheeks.

“Y-You’re not a candle, sweetheart. You’re not even just the sun. You’re the entire universe,” he cried before he buried his face in your hair.

Every single one of his muffled sobs was like a knife in your heart and every time he said ‘I’m sorry’ the blade twisted. It killed you to know your confession had made him feel so terrible, but you kept reminding yourself that it was for the best. Keeping all that in for so long had only ended up causing more hurt to you both in the long run. The only way for things to get better was to have everything out in the open and move forward with no more secrets.

“Baby, look at me,” you said as you cupped his cheeks and lifted his head up so his gaze met yours. “You’re not the reason I feel like this. I know you don’t view me as less than you and you’ve certainly never treated me that way. Our relationship is just unique and complicated and a bit stressful sometimes. It has been challenging in ways that I wasn’t prepared for and didn’t fully understand until now, but I don’t want you to blame yourself.”

“I just need you to remember that it can be a little overwhelming and intimidating at times being with someone as famous as you,” you then said gently. “I’m going to go back to therapy so I can learn how to better deal with those feelings and also communicate them to you. I just want you to be aware that this is something I struggle with so you can help me work through it, OK?”

“OK,” he hiccupped, nodding his head in your hands. “I can do that.”

“I’ll do whatever it takes,” he said then softly, gazing into your eyes with a look of pure devotion. “I meant it this morning when I wrote that I want to be a better man for you. I promise I will be. I’m going to take care of you, Jagi. Now and always. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you or make you feel less than ever again. I’m going to make sure you always feel safe and respected and equal in our relationship.”

“Which is why I’m going to leave BTS,” he then stated without an ounce of hesitation in his voice.

For the second time that evening, time came to a screeching halt.

“What?” you breathed out, utterly shocked by that statement and convinced you had somehow heard him wrong.

“I’m going to leave BTS,” he repeated calmly, looking you in the eye as he spoke.

You stared back at him in stunned silence for several seconds, your eyes wide in disbelief upon realizing he had, in fact, said those words.

“Tae, no,” you protested. “Y-You can’t leave because of me, because I’m insecure and broken. I just need to get better. I need to be a better partner for you. And, I-I will be. I’m going to get help and work on myself so I can handle everything. You’re not the problem. BTS isn’t the problem. I’m the problem, but I promise I’m going to be better.”

“Sweetheart, you’re not broken and you’re not the problem,” he said, his tone unmistakably sad. “Please don’t say those things about yourself. It hurts me when you do.”

“I’m not leaving because of you, I’m leaving for you, for us,” he then added.

Your mind was absolutely spinning as you tried to comprehend what he was saying. Never in a million years did you think you would be having this conversation with him right now. This was not at all the outcome you were expecting or hoping for when you shared your feelings with him and you found yourself now regretting having said anything at all. You had clearly overwhelmed him by unloading all of that while he was already feeling stressed and guilty which was causing him to have these highly irrational thoughts.

“But, you’re…you’re still under contract for five more years,” you said back as the realization dawned on you. “You can’t just leave.”

“Actually, I can,” he replied, sounding almost nonchalant despite the gravity of his words. “I would have to pay a really big fine and give up my Big Hit stock, but I could afford it and it would be worth it.”

His calmness only made you all the more anxious. He was talking complete nonsense right now and didn’t even realize it.

“Tae, you’re upset right now and not thinking straight,” you said, trying desperately to reason with him. “It’s been an incredibly stressful night and you’ve been through so much. I know you feel guilty about what I said and are worried about what’s going to happen once I leave Big Hit, but you leaving too isn’t the answer.”

“Jagi, I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, long before all of this happened,” he revealed, his voice soft but resolute.

“You know I almost didn’t re-sign in 2018 and that I was struggling again earlier this year,” he then reminded you gently. “Everything that’s happened over the last few months, and everything you just told me now, has only reinforced the way I was already feeling.”

Upon hearing him say those words, you stopped panicking and looked at him, really looked at him, and couldn’t help but notice just how composed and confident he seemed right now.

“How have you been feeling?” you asked quietly.

“Like I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” he replied, suddenly sounding so very tired.

“I never wanted all this,” he then admitted. “I was literally going to be a farmer, which I was perfectly OK with, but then I auditioned at Big Hit essentially by accident and somehow got chosen and now here I am almost ten years later with this crazy life as a world-famous K-pop idol.”

“I don’t regret it,” he quickly added. “I love the guys and ARMY and I genuinely enjoy making music and performing. I’m grateful for our success and all the incredible opportunities I’ve been given and the fact that I can now take care of my family. And, most importantly, I’m grateful that I met you.”

The shy smile that crept onto his face as he said that last bit had your heart absolutely melting. As alarming as this conversation was, you couldn’t help but give him a bashful grin in return.

“I know things have been difficult for us at times, but the last two months have still been the happiest of my entire life. Being with you makes me feel so fulfilled and so excited and hopeful for the future. I can’t wait to marry you, my best friend and the love of my life, and raise a family together,” he confessed with such passion in his voice. “That’s what I’ve always wanted.”

“But, that’s why I need to leave,” he then said softly as his expression grew sad.

“I love BTS, but I love you more,” he admitted, gazing deeply into your eyes. “I don’t want to spend the next five years being on different schedules and hardly seeing each other, only for me to then go into the military and be away from you for another year and a half. How are we supposed to have a strong marriage and a happy family if that’s our life? How am I supposed to be a good husband and father if I’m never there?”

“I know we’ll never have a completely normal life because I’ll probably always be a public figure, but if I left BTS things would be so much easier for us,” he went on, sounding so serious and certain. “I could start acting. I’ve already gotten so many offers to be on shows and in movies. I could start working at a studio right here in Seoul. That way I wouldn’t have to travel all the time and be away from you. We could start our family right away and raise our children together as equal parents instead of you bearing so much more of the burden. I’d be there to support you and make sure you could continue pursuing your own career goals. We’d have more time to visit our parents and go on trips and do things together as a family.”

“It would be so much easier,” he repeated earnestly. “We could be so much happier.”

As terrified as you were hearing him talk like this and knowing the chaos that would ensue if he actually were to leave BTS, you could not deny how tempting all of that sounded. A life where you could actually be together the majority of the time would be so wonderful. One where there was stability and consistency, where he wouldn’t have to regularly leave for days and weeks and months on end. You believed with all your heart that Tae would be a great husband and father even if he stayed with BTS, but you knew he was right when he said things would be easier if he left.

And yet, you knew you needed to be the rational one right now. Although you believed him when he said he had been thinking about this for a while and that this wasn’t just a knee-jerk reaction, you knew that what had happened tonight and what you’d been through over the last few months was coloring his perspective. Keeping your relationship a secret had been a complicated and stressful situation, but it wasn’t indicative of what life was going to be like for you two going forward. Being apart so much would make things harder, especially once you started having kids, but not having to hide anymore would also make things easier. You were certain you two could make it work and that everything would be OK. You just needed to help Tae calm down long enough to realize this too.

“Tae, it means more to me than I can put into words that you would be willing to make a sacrifice like that for us,” you said as you leaned in and gave him a short, sweet kiss. “I can tell you have given this a lot of thought, and I admit you do make a lot of great points, but I don’t think now is the right time to make this kind of decision.”

“First things first, we need to get through everything with Jisoo. Then at some point I obviously need to meet with Bang PD and Big Hit HR. Hopefully they’ll just let me resign and not actually fire me. I think Mrs. Choi might still be willing to be a reference for me so that will help immensely in my search for a new job,” you continued.

“Can we please just wait before we make any big decisions?” you asked gently, giving him an encouraging smile. “I don’t want you to do something now that you’ll later regret. There’s no reason to rush. Let’s take our time and adjust to our new situation and see how things go.”

For several moments he didn’t respond, he just stared at you with an intent, slightly skeptical look as if searching for any hint of reluctance on your face. You just gazed back at him pleadingly, silently begging him to trust that this was truly how you felt, until eventually his features softened.

“Ok,” he finally conceded with a sigh. “We can wait and see.”

“But, if it’s not working, if we’re not happy and we feel like we’re drifting apart or you don’t feel supported and I feel like I’m missing out on things, I won’t hesitate to leave,” he then added sincerely. “You are the most precious thing in the world to me, sweetheart. I can always find another job, but I can never find another you.”

Grateful that he seemed to have backed away from the metaphorical edge, you were just about to breathe a small sigh of relief when the door to your room suddenly opened. You tensed up immediately because Tae didn’t have his mask or glasses on, but relaxed once you realized it was only Mrs. Choi.

“Sorry to disturb you, but Manager Sejin says there is a call for you, Taehyung,” she said softly as she tentatively poked her head into the room. “I believe it is Bang PD.”

“Shoot, I need to take this,” Tae said to you regretfully as he disentangled himself and stood up from the bed.

“I’ll be back soon, Jagi,” he then said before leaning down and kissing your forehead.

“Ok,” you said back with a shy smile.

He disguised himself once more and then walked out of the room, giving Mrs. Choi a quick nod as he passed by her. After he was gone, she lingered by the door for a few moments, seemingly wrestling with herself over something. She opened and closed her mouth several times before she finally spoke.

“You two make a lovely couple,” she said tenderly.

“Thank you,” you replied back, your voice catching a bit as you got ever-so-slightly choked up.

“For everything,” you then added after a moment.

“You’re welcome, dear,” she said back, giving you a genuine smile before excusing herself.

Once the door was closed, you laid back down, plopped your head onto the pillow, and gazed up at the ceiling in bewilderment. Of all the surprises tonight had brought, including your secret being revealed and Tae confessing he was both planning to propose and seriously considering leaving BTS, Mrs. Choi being supportive of your relationship might just be the most earth shattering. It was strange, but her approval actually meant a great deal to you. Over the last three years, she had probably spent more time together with you and Tae than anyone else. Her belief that you made a good couple was quite comforting and gave you so much confidence that everything would be OK.

And right now, after everything that you’d both been through and were still facing, you needed all the assurance you could get that you and Tae were going to be OK.

Five minutes later the door to your room opened again. You assumed it was Tae, back from his call with bang PD, but it was actually your doctor. As she walked in she was sporting another warm smile, but something about her was noticeably off.

“Y/N, how are you feeling?” she asked.

“I feel fine,” you answered honestly. “Not dizzy or nauseous or anything like that.”

“Good, good,” she replied easily as she made a few notes in your chart.

“So, your ECG results came back normal, but we’re going to keep you here a little longer for observation since you are a high-risk patient,” she then informed you.

“High-risk?” you questioned nervously, giving her a confused look. “What classifies me as high-risk?”

An apprehensive, slightly sheepish look flashed across her face before she uttered the absolute last words you were expecting to hear.

“That fact that you’re pregnant.”

⇤ previous || next ⇥ || masterlist

Tag List (always open!):

@mooseknucklesbussy @hordanhearsawhooo @iridescenthobi @silvyaaa @yoonglespringles10 @serendipitysev @t0rus-milk-bread @cuteipat @aomi-nabi @yessii-i @just-jeon @allizarae @somewhereofftheglobe @mykie-min-bangtan @jesus-in-the-womb @infernal-alpaca @fushigurosluvr @topthis808 @emberfulclass @flashcal @barbsburger @jakiki94 @taeyohonic @afiaaaa19 @nooojaaam @ lucci-girl @2oct @foodwaterbangtansonyeondan @vantedmp @roguesthetic @ dreadity @belladaises @bangtannoonalvg

#kth #kth smut #kth x reader #kth fluff #kth angst #bts #btsv #bts taehyung #kth tgtbt #kim taehyung #taehyung x reader

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dootdootwriting · 3 years

Note

AHHH CONGRATS ON 600!!! I hope you're doing well heehoo and if its okay can i ask for the whole alphabet with scaramouche?:3 (also pls don't overwork yourself jdjajdkdlfmmeis)

600+ event!!

this is my first time writing for scara so i hope i did okay aha,, under the cut for length!

fluff alphabet with scaramouche, gn reader, warning for inazuma quest/scaramouche backstory spoilers!!

why is his name so long

A-Activities (what do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?)

- scaramouche isn't super knowledgeable about relationships, so he'll just sort of tentatively ask what you want to do and go along with it (though he might act like it's a stupid idea the whole time). really he doesn't care what he spends his free time on as long as you're a part of it.

B-Beauty (what do they admire about their s/o? what do they think is beautiful about them?)

- well first of all, he admires the courage you've got to have to be with him in the first place. other than that, he also loves your smile (but you won't hear him tell you that out loud, unless you're not really asleep when he thinks you are)

C-Comfort (how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?)

- another thing he's alien to. at first just starts telling you to calm down and is pretty harsh about it. when he realizes this isn't working, he'll reluctantly take you into his arms and start awkwardly patting your head. it's funny how awkward it is and you end up laughing at him about it, which makes him annoyed, but at least now you feel better.

D-Dreams (how do they picture the future with their s/o?)

- scaramouche... either wants you to be by his side as he conquers everything and shows the world just how strong he is, or he wants to do it alone. though it would be much better if you were with him and it makes him sad to think about you not being there in the end.

E-Equal (are they the dominant one in the relationship or rather passive?)

- surprisingly passive, actually. he doesn't really know what he's doing so he lets you make most of the decisions about dates and spending time together. other than that though, he likes to drag you around to do whatever he wants.

F-Fun (what do they do for fun with their s/o? what’s their idea of a fun day out?)

- what's fun? on a day off, scaramouche will wander around and ponder his own existence. you'll have to take him to a market or a park or something so he can actually experience things first - once you do, you'll find he enjoys being alone with you somewhere quiet, where he doesn't have to listen to other people.

G-Gratitude (how grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?)

- doesn't show it, but is definitely grateful, though he also doesn't know just how much of a hassle he can be. scaramouche just sort of assumed love was supposed to be unconditional... but he can tell when he's crossed a line, and he's grateful for you sticking by him despite everything.

H-Honesty (do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?)

- obviously the one big secret is how he came into being in the first place, but once he trusts you enough to tell you about his being a puppet and a test, he's in all the way. he hides little things from you before that but once he's told you, you're in it with him forever whether you like it or not, and that means he doesn't keep anything else from you.

I-Inspiration (did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?)

- he's a lot more tolerable around you! you've been approached by fatui officers asking you "how do you do it?" and saying things like "thank you so much i totally thought i was gonna be yelled at today!" somehow you cool off his temper a bit.

J-Jealousy (do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?)

- JEALOUS JEALOUS JEALOUS man. he gets jealous so so easily and WILL confront you about it. after a while and once he knows he can trust you he gets jealous less frequently, because he knows you're with him for the long run.

K-Kisses (are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?).

- bad kisser at first because he's probably never been in love before. he gets the hang of it quickly though! your first kiss was because he had to shut you up and he couldn't figure out another way how so he just kissed you. you yelled at him after that.

L-Love confession (how would they confess to their s/o?)

- scaramouche confesses on purpose but in a really weird way. he plans it and everything - he takes you out to see the sunset and brings food (almost like a picnic) but then once he gets to the actual confession it's just like "how dare you do this to me? i stay awake at night thinking of you and somehow you're the most tolerable person i've ever met. childe had the audacity to call it love and to laugh at me so he got what he deserved. if you don't feel the same way i'll punch you too." but he doesn't end up having to punch you, which you're both very glad about.

M-Mornings (what’s it like waking up with them? do they sleep late or wake up before the sun rises?)

- he didn't have a reason to sleep in late until he started sleeping next to you. now he's stuck in his ridiculous sleep schedule so he always wakes up before you. but hey! bonus! now he gets to look at you while you sleep, which for some reason makes him extremely flustered (which is really cute to wake up to).

N-Nicknames (what do they call their s/o?)

- just calls you your name 🧍

O-On cloud nine (what are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?)

- when he discovered he was in love he got angry at you. then he realized it wasn't your fault, and, actually, this wasn't such a bad thing. man were you confused though. for a solid week he just yelled at you for no reason. childe guessed correctly when he realized scaramouche's more-unusual-than-usual behavior, but he had the decency to hold his tongue around you.

P-PDA (how are they with PDA? is it fun to them or are they more reserved with their affection?)

- hates pda. will hold your hand and that's it if you try to kiss him in public his face will scrunch up and his ears will pull back instinctively. then he'll avoid you for the rest of the day.

Q-Quirk (some random thing they do when they’re with you for no reason in particular)

- gently taps you at random moments, almost as if he's trying to remind himself that you're here with him.

R-Romance (how romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?)

- scaramouche tries to be romantic? he's doing his best. he tries all the gooey stuff to make you happy like buying you chocolate and giving you stuffed animals but in reality he has little to no tolerance for this kind of thing and you have to reassure him you love him, not the classic romantic things he forces himself to do. after that he stops, which is a huge relief.

S-Support (are they helping their s/o achieve their goals do they believe in them?)

- he's more focused on his own goals and climbing the fatui ladder, but he's also very invested in anything you're attempting to do. wholeheartedly believes in you, whether he outwardly expresses it or not.

T-Thrill (do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship or do they prefer certain routine?)

- scaramouche likes the security of his routine and the place your relationship is at. he gets embarrassed at pretty much any new milestone and needs some time to get to them, and he gets cranky when things change suddenly, so uh. no, he likes it better the way it is with little to no changes.

U-Understanding (how good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?)

- not very empathetic, but is very understanding. scaramouche lacks the ability to feel how you're feeling (is it because he isn't quite human?), but he does understand how you work and function, and the best ways to treat you depending on your mood.

V-Value (how important is the relationship to them? What is its worth in comparison to other things in their life?).

- since you're so important to him, you're about number two on his list of priorities, maybe almost tied with his work in the fatui. he can't stand people, but you've wormed your way into his heart, so he's not letting you go anytime soon.

W-Wild card (a random fluff headcanon?)

- any time you give him affection he's a little startled at first, but he comes to love it and eventually will ask you for hugs.

X-XOXO (Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?)

- yes but ONLY behind closed doors. he's afraid if he so much as looks at you lovingly his underlings will laugh at him, and he definitely can't have that. when you two are alone, however, he absolutely cannot get enough of your touch.

Y- Yearning (how will they cope when they are missing their partner?)

- angry angry angry and makes it everyone's problem. when you get back from your trip the mood is dark and agents are running up to you like you're their savior "OH GOD YOU'RE BACK THANK EVERYTHING PLEASE SAVE US."

Z-Zeal (are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?)

- he would literally kill for you (please tell him not to)

#scaramouche x reader #GOD THIS TOOK SO LONG DONT FLOP PLEASE #scaramouche #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #the balladeer #scaramouche hcs #doot's 600 event!#fluff alphabet #scaramouche fluff alphabet #gi scaramouche #fluff #scaramouche fluff #gn! reader #archon quest spoilers #2.1 spoilers

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evilphrog · 3 years

Text

Lord Of the Rings: A summary by someone who has never read or watched the story, but has absorbed most of the plot through memes

So, back in the beginning of the world, there was this powerful sorcerer. His name was Sauramon. He made the whole world, but then became evil somehow (on accident?) and changed his name to Sauron. He lost all his humanity until he was just this disembodied floating eye that can see the whole world, but not all at once. He made this magic ring that can turn people invisible, but the ring also corrupts people’s minds to make them crave power. The ring got lost at the end of a really big battle between elves and orcs. Orcs are not like the orcs in DnD. They’re basically all bloodthirsty murderbeasts. The elves are kind of stuck up, but generally decent people.

Fast forward to the present. There are beings called hobbits who are presented as though they’re lazy and stupid, but actually seem to be the smartest people in the world. Their whole lives are just eating, partying, hanging with friends, growing plants, and lying in the sun. Really the best possible life. This wizard named Gandalf (possibly Sauramon’s secret twin brother?) kidnaps one of them and tells him he is a thief now, and also going to go kill a dragon with a group of dwarves. His name is Bilbo Baggins. He does not like this plan, and does not like Gandalf, but when he tries to escape he ends up finding aforementioned magic ring, and then realizes maybe he is pretty good at being a thief after all. So he decides to help the dwarves, and somehow they all defeat the dragon. Bilbo gets a ton of gold and retires back home to live as a super rich hobbit and party all the time. Gandalf realizes Bilbo has the ring and tells him to NEVER EVER wear it because he recognizes it as the Evil Ring that Sauramon made. Bilbo is like “K, sounds like a plan, I don’t give a crap about some ring when all I wanna do is eat potatoes and tell this wizard to fuck off forever” and then he proceeds to do just that. Eventually, he grows old and dies.

At his funeral, his nephew Frodo is given the ring in his will. Gandalf decides now is a good time to carry on with his hobby of kidnapping hobbits and forcing them into adventures they do not want to have, so he sends Frodo and his boyfriend Sam off with a human named Aragon (he was raised by elves so he’s a bit Weird), a dwarf named Gimli, and an elf named Orlando Bloom. The three of them genuinely hate each other, and also genuinely hate Frodo and Sam. Nobody wants to be on this field trip, but Gandlaf rolled a nat 20 in diplomacy, so he convinces them to all do it anyways. They are on a quest to throw the ring in a volcano, which is dangerous because Sauron wants to find the ring and use it for ???? making his army more powerful? IDK really, he’s a disembodied eye at this point, and his armies are all giant monsters. I don’t really see how invisibility could help him in his goals. Gandalf warns Frodo not to ever wear the ring, but also says how amazing and powerful it is, which to me says he either wanted Frodo to put it on or he fundamentally does not understand curiosity.

Frodo carries on the family tradition of picking up Cursed Objects and finds a magic sword that glows blue when Orcs are around. The sword glows blue. Frodo gets scared and puts the ring on, and goes invisible. Thanks to his invisibility, he is able to save his friends from the orcs. But because he wore the ring, Sauron now knows someone has it and it is sort of like a homing beacon. Every time Frodo puts it on, it tells Sauron the area the ring is in, but he can’t actually find it because Frodo is invisible. So instead, he just keeps sending a bunch of monsters to their general location hoping to get lucky. Frodo keeps putting on the ring anyways, because it sort of low-key possesses him. Everyone else seems to think this is a perfectly reasonable life choice.

At one point the hobbits get taken to Isengard, and they get very close to being killed by Not Werewolves. Galdalf sacrifices himself to save them. But then he returns as Gandalf the White, who is the same Gandalf but with no memories. The group keeps fighting monsters and getting closer to the volcano, and meanwhile Frodo gets more and more possessed until he starts to go bonkers and refuses to ever give up the ring. At this point, his boyfriend Sam has to basically drag his ass up the side of the volcano kicking and screaming. Frodo, in a moment of clarity, asks Sam to throw him into the volcano because he refuses to give up the ring, Sam instead convinces Frodo that love is more important than jewelry, and Frodo gives him the ring. Sam throws it in the volcano, and Sauron is killed. Ohhhh that’s why he wanted the ring! It was a horcrux.

Gandalf shows up with giant eagles to bring everyone home. Frodo is like “Gee, these giant eagles capable of flying across continents sure would have come in handy at any point during this months-long walk through murderous hordes of monsters.” Gandalf tells him wizards are never early or late. They arrive precisely when they mean to. Sam is having none of that. Frodo and Sam peace off back to the hobbit village to ignore adventures forevermore.

#lord of the rings #hobbit #jrr tolkien #nonreader #analysis #best guesses

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ohheyitsokay · 3 years

Text

home

part 10 of the ‘hey batter batter’ series

pairing: Francisco (Frankie, Catfish) Morales x reader

wordcount: 3k

warnings: so so soo much fluff. clouds and clouds worth. kissing, implications of sex (blink and you’ll miss it)

summary: it’s a Triple Frontier Baseball AU! Trust me, you don’t need to know anything about baseball.

In this chapter, you and Frankie finish the season and the summer, and know it’s only the beginning.

notes: thank you all so much for supporting this little story of mine! I genuinely am blown away by how kind everyone has been! originally I planned on this series just being a couple of one-shots set in the same universe, but it got away form me, and I can’t believe so many of you came along for the ride. some of those stories will come in time, but thank you thank you thank you to everyone who stuck around this long! all the love for all of you!

It was a beautiful day for a baseball game.

The sun was shining and for once your bones weren’t shaking with the rumble of the stadium as people stomped and cheered. In fact, the majority of the noise was from Frankie’s momma as she chattered across your lap to your grandfather. The two of them were discussing gardening and how well season was played, how proud they were, the best of friends. It was peaceful, almost, and most of the flashing lights and roaring crowds were away – it was the final game, a charity fundraiser, all fun.

You could see your catcher as he turned, looking at your section like he couldn’t help but search for you, and you smiled, heart as full and as warm as the sun on your shoulders. His curls were sticking out from under his helmet haphazardly, the pads on his shoulders and thighs making him even more solid, and it was a sight that you’d never get tired of. Combined with the smells of warm pastries, jalapeños and melted cheese, contentment settled into your soul like a hand in a glove, a perfect fit.

It was the of the ninth and they were playing well, encouraged by the cause and playing for the love of of the game instead of a paycheck. Behind you, you heard someone mention just how well Frankie had batted this season, and you brushed pan dulce sugar from your lap.

The players had told you last week after all the big games were done why Santi had offered to pay for you and James to fly to see their final games. At the time, it had baffled you how intensely they insisted, how eagerly the pushed it, and how your boyfriend had looked equal parts embarrassed and hopeful, but eventually you agreed, assuming you could get the time off from work. When the secret came out you laughed, shaking your head and rolling your eyes.

They had exchanged smiles and shrugged and shared knowing glances as they let you explain away what they knew was true. You were their luck.

The thought was long gone from your mind now though, as Ben was doing weird poses on the field, and you heard chuckles ripple through the crowds. Fans of him and the team alike were endlessly charmed, and you knew you’d catch comments about it for months to come. His brother was just standing, and still you heard dreamy sighs of Will’s name, and made a mental note to tease him after the game about his “blonde halo”. Whatever that meant.

Santi threw a perfect curveball, and when it landed firmly in Frankie’s glove, you heard a girl swoon, “That’s my man!” and the laughter of her friends, as they called her “Mrs. Morales”.

“No!” his momma was glaring over her shoulder tugging on your elbow, as if physically fighting them was a viable option. You tugged back, making soothing noises as she protested, “Mi frijol.” The sweet lady muttered something else and before your heart could latch on to what you could’ve sworn was something about the future and tu marido you moved on.

“I know, I know,” you were saying, when James leaned over, glint in his sweet, aging eyes.

“She’s right, honey,” he said, only encouraging his friend, and you grinned.

“He’s my boy,” she said again with an air of finality, “and yours."

Looking at your grandfather sheepishly, you pointed at your shirt and shrugged as he said, “Right again.”

You were wearing his backup Jersey.

Cheesy as it was, it felt good to have the little claim of his over your skin, and while it wasn’t obvious to everyone, you wore it with pride. Comments from his fans slid off it like raindrops on a tin roof, and while you apricated her inclusion, you didn’t need it to know he was yours, as you were his.

Jimbo leaned towards the woman at your side and whispered conspiratorially in her ear, and she settled, and you left it, enjoying their friendship. The day was too lovely for anything else, anyway.

Catch, catch, walk, look for his girlfriend, sit, swing, hit, run, walk, sit. Repeat.

Nothing so eventful happened the last few minutes of the game, and as the Will went out for his final bat, you felt a surprising wave of bittersweet nostalgia for all that had passed since the opening game, cold as an evening breeze.

Then the ball cracked against the bat, and the sound snapped you back, and you felt a fire under your breastbone, reminding you the best was yet to come.

Frankie’s mom finished her final cheers enthusiastically, all annoyance long gone, and she pulled you into a hug.

“Nieta is calling. Hug Francisco for me, hija, and I’ll see you tomorrow?” You nodded, squeezing her back almost as hard. You and Frankie were using his first real day off to babysit and get some quality time, and both of you were well aware this was hardly goodbye. You gave a gentler hug to your grandfather, who was going with her, whispering “Bye Jimbo,” as you kissed his cheek. He had conspired to let you stay out for the evening, and while you’d miss driving him home, you were grateful for the opportunity.

Seeing them safely as far as you could, your feet danced with excitement. Like it had been more than handful of times, they knew the path to the locker rooms, carrying you so light you were almost floating. When you slid into the waiting room, Frankie was already clean and looking for you anxiously. Maybe you should’ve given him a little wave from across the room, but you could do better.

You ducked away from his line of sight, and snuck around behind him before say, “hey, batter, batter.” He whipped around and before you could even register the grin on his face, he was pulling you against his chest.

“Hey yourself,” he said, and the two of you got one sweet, slightly needy kiss before you heard good-natured groans.

“It’s been like month,” Santi said, ruffling your hair as you stepped back, “Aren’t you guys done flirting?” You stuck your tongue out at him, wondering if you were fast enough to flick him in the forehead.

“Don’t bother,” Will said, his tone resigned but playful as he hugged you too. “Be happy he got her to stick around.” You pulled a face, and Benny laughed. They all knew by now that it was more than a summer fling, even Tom, who you realized hadn’t come out yet.

When you asked, they winced, and you dropped the topic, knowing they would tell you in their own time. Frankie pulled you back to him, his warm fingers lacing with yours as you herded them towards the door.

They were still working on things, still trying to figure out what their next steps looked like.

For now, you owed your baseball boys a dinner.

It had taken you a couple of times cooking for them to get the portions right. The Miller boys ate like they were hollow, and after a game was a testament to that.

Thankfully, you had more than enough this time, having been preparing their favorites for days with the enthusiastic help from Frankie’s mom, and begrudging help from his sister as a thank you to her hermano. The piled into your little space and ate gratefully, telling you about the game like you knew what they were talking about.

“Benny, why were you –” his deep laughter cut you off, and your hand shot out to grab Will’s wrist mid-throw. You had a rule against projectile food to keep them from squabbling like children at your makeshift dinner table. The dinner roll fell to his plate as Benny tried to explain, and Santi deadpanned.

“I was stretching, and I got distracted –”

“You were flirting with the entire stadium, Ben.”

“No! Well –”

It was warm and bright, eating dinner with them like a family, teasing and laughter filling the space like clear broth in the cool of night.

Frankie’s hand found your knee under the table.

The best part about these replacement-parties was watching them all try to help clean up. You were lucky professional athletes had fast reflexes, or you would’ve lost more than a few dishes to their shenanigans. They insisted, wouldn’t let you help, and things probably would’ve been put back correctly if you had, but it was great, letting things play out however they may. Maybe years and years down the road, you would tell a younger generation that you had some of the world’s most desirable athletes fighting in your kitchen over where you kept your dish soap refills.

And after, they would collapse in your living room, unearthing all the games from your shelves. One of your favorite moments from the summer was coming through thrift stores for games, ignoring the stare of jealousy and making ridiculous bets.

All the while, Frankie kept as close to you as he could, too busy watching you with wrinkles in the corners of his eyes to be embarrassed of his rambunctious friends.

When you and Will won the first game of the evening, he accidentally hit you in the face with the back of his hand as he flung his arms open in triumph.

It hadn’t hurt as badly as it would’ve if his brother had been the one talking with his hands, but Frankie had still thumped him in the back of the head before he followed you to the kitchen.

“Baby, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Frankie,” you laughed, but he was already taking the pack of frozen peas from your hand to press it against the lump forming on your temple. He was gentle, and the air shifted, like there was more on his mind than your minor injury. Brown eyes searching yours, you wished you knew what he was thinking.

“Francisco?” Your hands had settled on his chest but the moved around his neck when he moved the ice to ghost his lips over the spot. He didn’t answer for a moment, just setting the peas aside, and carefully trapping you against the counter.

There were noises of good-natured arguing coming from the living room, and you knew he was taking advantage of their distraction, carving a little pocket for the two of you in time.

“Te adoro,” his lips were almost hot as they pressed into yours. “I love you,” he said, so close you could feel the hairs on his upper lip still.

For the past month, your relationship had been fast, jumpstarting to serious and staying that was, but this was new. It was one thing, for him to tell you he wanted something real with you, wanted you to be a part of his life, and another to hear him say he loved you simply, without abandon. Still, you didn’t hesitate.

“I love you too.”

He kissed you again, unhurried, and you almost couldn’t return it, you were smiling so widely. Your bump was long forgotten.

When the two of you came out the kitchen, the others had barely noticed you were gone and Ben immediately was accusing you of cheating, but Santi shot you a knowing smile.

There was a gap of time when a season ended, when Molly’s inbox was mercifully void of emails. It was a time when the chaos of her job slowed, for a bit before she began her work for the off-season, and she relished it with every fiber of her being.

This particular gap began wrapped up in sheets with Tom, her Tom, kissing and wishing the world outside was a simple as this, in the little bubble of her room.

She could always tell though, when his mind was no longer filled with her, and the other sides of him began to leak through the cracks. His eyes moved with urgency instead of appreciation his hands moved a little slower and then in sudden jerks, and when he trailed off mid-sentence, she sighed.

“You told them, didn’t you?”

He rolled onto his back; his gaze pointed towards the ceiling.

“Right after the game,” he confessed, and she sighed again, sitting up. If nothing else, for him, she had endless patience.

“How’d that go?”

Her love was silent, thinking only of the embarrassment and defensiveness that had reared in his chest. The tilt of Santi’s head, Frankie’s slow nod. He wished Benny had been disappointed, wished Will had thought it was a joke.

“They understood,” Tom didn’t add that he hoped with all his considerable might that they had reacted stronger, hoped they had told him not to, said they needed him to stay, but they hadn’t. It wouldn’t have been true, anyway. They were growing, going somewhere he couldn’t follow.

Her hand ran over his chest as it filled with air, stilling over his heart.

“It’s time,” one of them said, and the other nodded.

Counseling. Rehab. Retirement.

Slowing down to coach at a local college.

He clenched his hand into a fist, and then relaxed, palm falling open, upwards.

The love of his life kissed his forehead.

It was time.

The first stop of the day was with James, spending the morning helping him around the house. Before this summer, you had thought you were his favorite grandchild, but he had essentially adopted Frankie months ago, and already liked him more than you.

The little old man talked excitedly about baseball and lectured your love on enjoying his off-season. He dragged him into the yard, talking his ear off about the benefits of different teas and the importance of volunteering with youth programs, and you settled inside, throwing away expired things from his fridge. Their absence was your only opportunity for the chore.

Honestly, the two of you needed to leave sooner than later and you weren’t sure how much time you had.

“Honey?” You dropped a can of whipped cream from a month ago guiltily.

“Yeah, Jimbo?”

He eyed you suspiciously but seemed too excited to be deterred by you.

“I put this together for you!” He said proudly, and you noticed a flash of the same mischief from yesterday in his eyes. Your grandfather handed you a box, and made you promise not to open in until you left. You hugged the sweet man, and smiled when Frankie did, too, before saying your goodbyes, thankful beyond words for him.

If it weren’t for him, you were sure you wouldn’t be climbing into the truck of your boyfriend, and certainly not having the catcher’s hand slide into yours. When you opened the box, the gratitude didn’t shrink, but your embarrassment rose.

Frankie laughed so hard you thought he was going to have to pull over.

It was full of Francisco Morales merchandise, signatures and memorabilia ranging from his very first baseball card to his most recent bobble head.

Frankie kissed your knuckles for the second time since you climbed into his truck, which was silly since it had only been three minutes since you left his mother’s house.

He could feel your look, answering before you even asked.

“I’m good, just… I love you,” he said, unable to keep his eyes on the road when he said it.

“I love you too, Frankie,” you said, wondering what prompted him.

“Could we… would you want to get dinner?” He looked thoughtful and you laughed.

“Are you asking me on a date?”

Your hand was lifted to his lips again, sending electricity up your spine as he confirmed.

The two of you had a bag full of Anita’s best by the time you entered his home, and he still hadn’t told you what was on his mind. The two of you ate, sharing stories about the day’s adventures, helping his mother around the house and watching, Bianca, his sweet, tiny new niece. You had a great conversation with his mother, and despite her excitable nature, she surprised you by asking you about your boundaries and promising not to overstep.

Frankie told you about his hermana, and her slowly opening up to the idea of letting him help her out, not as charity but family, and letting him shoulder some of the responsibilities. You watched the warmth in his eyes as he talked and wondered how it was possible for a single person to feel so safe.

Eventually the talking slowed, and you found yourself half falling asleep against the stretch of his chest, is hands slowing their wandering paths.

“Love?” he murmured into your hair. You hummed in response.

When he didn’t say anything, your mind woke, and you pulled yourself up, and into his lap, straddling him.

He looked up at you for a moment before you felt him sigh against you.

“I have this baby,” he said, and you couldn’t help but smile at his phrasing. Santi always said it was melodramatic. “Do you… is this all too much?”

His expression mirrored that of your first date, and you told him the same thing as you had then.

That you would stay, as long as he would have you. That you would navigate alongside him, that you were happy to. This time, you added that you loved him, and you felt him shift under you, anxiety leaking out of him, allowing solid adoration to replace it.

Frankie said, “Thank you,” against your mouth, and like a prayer. In the dim evening light, you kissed him, and as his hands slipped under your shirt to hold your sides, he held you for the first time like you were real.

And you were, this was something that wasn’t going away.

For the first time in a long time, it was a perfect day for something new, and his heart was here, beating under his hands.

translations:

pan dulce: pastries

mi frijol: my bean

tu marido: your husband

nieta: granddaughter

hija: daughter

hermano/a: brother, sister

te adoro: I adore you

taglist:

@fangirl-316 @scribbledghost @writeforfandoms @beautyagegoodnesssize @princess76179 @mrsbentallmadge @pbeatriz

hey batter batter taglist:

@icanbeyourjedi @studyofawearymind @hnt-escape @athalien @the-witty-pen-name @daffodin @sarahjkl82-blog @pintsizemama @anaaaispunk @pjkimrn @dobbyjen @stuckontheceiling

#francisco morales #francisco morales x reader #francisco morales x you #frankie x you #frankie x reader #triple frontier baseball au #hey batter batter #maybe i don't know people

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starksinthenorth · 3 years

Text

Musings on ASOIAF Ladies and Ambition

I’ve noticed people use “ambition” to describe Sansa and Daenerys as if it’s a bad word or an insult (often called “power hungry”). Yet in the text of the series, neither of them are shown to be ambitious people as a core characteristic. I blame the series for a lot of this, because it failed to explore the internal dialogue of Sansa, Arya, and even Cersei, who ends up more humanized than either of them by the end (because of the maybe baby).

Cersei Lannister is the classic ambitious ASOIAF lady, whose point-of-view is introduced in perhaps the most iconic sentence of any introductory chapter:

She dreamt she sat the Iron Throne, high above them all.

I can’t think of a sentence in ASOIAF that better introduces the internal thoughts and view of its leading character.

In comparison, Sansa’s first sentence is receiving news about her father’s whereabouts, Daenerys is shown her new dress to meet Drogo, and Arya has crooked stitches again. Arya’s works to frame her relationship with Sansa and her internal struggle to fit the feminine Westerosi mold, while Sansa and Daenerys are setting up plot points. None of these interactions signal ambition, bad or good. Daenerys did not arrange her wedding, Sansa is just told the information by her Septa, and while Arya is aspiring to have straight stitches, that’s hardly an ambitious goal for a girl of nine.

Fans rarely, if ever, deny Cersei’s cruel, cold, often stupid ambition. In fact, it’s one of the reason people seem to love her. She’s internally open about what she wants - power - and when she wants it - now:

All of them are burning now, she told herself, savoring the thought. They are dead and burning, every one, with all their plots and schemes and betrayals. It is my day now. It is my castle and my kingdom.

- AFFC, Cersei III

The rule was hers; Cersei did not mean to give it up until Tommen came of age. I waited, so can he. I waited half my life. She had played the dutiful daughter, the blushing bride, the pliant wife. She had suffered . . . She had contended with Jon Arryn, Ned Stark, and her vile, treacherous, murderous dwarf brother, all the while promising herself that one day it would be her turn. If Margaery Tyrell thinks to cheat me of my hour in the sun, she had bloody well think again.

- AFFC, Cersei V

Cersei is the definition of a power hungry lady, scheming and cheating at every point. Yes, Sansa learned from her, but most of Sansa’s internalized lessons of Cersei’s were to do the exact opposite.

"The night's first traitors," the queen [Cersei] said, "but not the last, I fear. . . . Another lesson you should learn, if you hope to sit beside my son. . . . The only way to keep your people loyal is to make certain they fear you more than they do the enemy."

"I will remember, Your Grace," said Sansa, though she had always heard that love was a surer route to the people's loyalty than fear. If I am ever a queen, I'll make them love me.

- ACOK, Sansa VI

Cersei isn’t the only POV character who views herself outside of conventional Westerosi standards and aspires to something beyond being a wife and mother. Arya Stark has ambition writ clear on the page, though it is not so cold or denying other people their rights or chances. Compared to Cersei, Arya doesn’t want everything, crown and throne and kingdom and all. She just wants something, and even that is denied to highborn women in Westeros. Even when she asks her father about her future, a man who wants to do right by his children and loves them, Eddard Stark is blinded by Westerosi patriarchy:

Arya cocked her head to one side. "Can I be a king's councillor and build castles and become the High Septon?"

"You," Ned said, kissing her lightly on the brow, "will marry a king and rule his castle, and your sons will be knights and princes and lords and, yes, perhaps even a High Septon."

- AGOT, Eddard V

With Arya in this, I see some parallels to Elaena Targaryen, who was so good at math and management she served as the secret Master of Coin while her husband carried the title. Elaena was “more willful than Rhaena, but not as beautiful as either of her sisters,” yet is also said to have been “more beautiful at age seventy than at age seventeen,” growing into herself like Arya is expected to. They both even cut their hair, Arya to hide her gender and Elaena to hide her beauty, both instances to gain freedom from captivity in the Red Keep.

Despite both these examples of ambition - Cersei’s all-encompassing, without care for how it affects the realm, and Arya’s attempt to find a place in the world outside the Westerosi model - it still becomes an insult when people speak of Daenerys and Sansa.

Critics claim Sansa is ambitious, and negatively so, because she “wants to be queen.” But this criticism misses a vital point of Sansa’s character. Unlike Cersei, she does not want to be queen because of the power and political influence, but because she will be living a song. In the start, Sansa’s got her head in the clouds, not to the dirty world of politics. Her very first chapter lays out this motivation incredibly clearly:

All she wanted was for things to be nice and pretty, the way they were in the songs.

When she thinks of Joffrey and being in love with him, it’s because he’s “handsome and gallant as any prince in the songs” (AGOT, Sansa II),

Alternatively, it has been said that Sansa is ambitious because of her claim to Winterfell. But compare how Sansa thinks of her claim to how Big Walder Frey does. Despite being far down the inheritance line, he is certain he will someday possess the Twins. He’s likely willing to kill his family to become Lord of the Crossing, and already has killed Little Walder.

In comparison, Sansa isn’t the one who realizes her claim as heir to Winterfell, even after her two younger brothers are believed dead. It’s Dontos who mentions it, and after she still thinks that Robb will have sons to inherit.

But she had not forgotten his words, either. The heir to Winterfell, she would think as she lay abed at night. It's your claim they mean to wed. Sansa had grown up with three brothers. She never thought to have a claim, but with Bran and Rickon dead . . . It doesn't matter, there's still Robb, he's a man grown now, and soon he'll wed and have a son. Anyway, Willas Tyrell will have Highgarden, what would he want with Winterfell?

- ASOS, Sansa II

Sansa’s not ready to kill Bran and Rickon if they show up. Her arc is about taking off the rose-tinted glasses and seeing reality, but also working to make reality like a song. For example, her idea of the Tournament of the Winged Knights for Sweetrobin. It’s a song come to life, all by her making. TBD how the ending goes, of course, but it shows that trajectory.

And finally, Daenerys.

Daenerys is not driven by some lifelong desire to win and dominate. She’s forced into it, a la Brienne’s “no chance and no choice.” If Daenerys were raised in a stable environment, I have a feeling she’d be much more like Sansa: dreamy, hopeful, sweet and studious. Happy.

But instead, her eyes are open.

When she’s introduced as a character, she shows an awareness for the schemes and politics of the world. She knows her brother is called the Beggar King in the Free Cities, and is doubtful of the smallfolk’s secret toasts to Viserys III that Illyrio Mopatis claims happen across Westeros.

Like Sansa and Cersei, there’s evidence of her goals, hopes, and wishes in the very first chapter:

"I don't want to be his queen," she heard herself say in a small, thin voice. "Please, please, Viserys, I don't want to, I want to go home."

. . .

Dany had only meant their rooms in Illyrio's estate, no true home surely, though all they had, but her brother did not want to hear that. There was no home there for him. Even the big house with the red door had not been home for him.

Daenerys remembers home as the house with the red door in Braavos. It’s her brother whose only home and stability was the Red Keep, not her.

Throughout her journey of power to take back the Seven Kingdoms, she is doubtful at every turn and most of her wishes are for happiness, for peace, for stability.

Dany had no wish to reduce King's Landing to a blackened ruin full of unquiet ghosts. She had supped enough on tears. I want to make my kingdom beautiful, to fill it with fat men and pretty maids and laughing children. I want my people to smile when they see me ride by, the way Viserys said they smiled for my father.

- ACOK, Daenerys II

A queen I am, but my throne is made of burned bones, and it rests on quicksand. Without dragons, how could she hope to hold Meereen, much less win back Westeros?

- ADWD, Daenerys II

Even later, Daenerys is determined to bring peace to the lands she currently rules. She does plan to return to the Seven Kingdoms, but it’s not driven by pure ambition. And this is, notably, from a conversation when Prince Quentyn Nymeros Martell asks her to come back and claim them now, saying she has allies for that conquest. And still she turns him down, with promises that it will only happen eventually:

"Daenerys said. ". . . .One day I shall return to Westeros to claim my father's throne, and look to Dorne for help. But on this day the Yunkai'i have my city ringed in steel. I may die before I see my Seven Kingdoms. Hizdahr may die. Westeros may be swallowed by the waves."

- ADWD, Daenerys VII

And yet in both Sansa and Daenerys, these visions and hopes for the futures they might have are considered unbridled ambition, although they turn more on happiness and peace for themselves and their people, rather than the type of ambition Cersei has, which is clearly her own power and being heralded above everyone.

Daenerys’ thoughts in her sixth chapter of ADWD have the same energy as Sansa’s “I will make them love me.”:

"A queen must know the sufferings of her people."

. . .

A queen must listen to her people, Dany reminded herself.

Daenerys has figured out how to make her people love her, by wearing her “floppy ears” and appealing to the masses, listening to them, et cetera. She’s also a bit ahead of Sansa in the realm of ruling, to be sure.

But how are these similar thoughts ambition in either of them? It’s an attempt to empathize and connect, not to throw away and disregard and rule by force and domination. Both these ladies are more nuanced, and the fandom does them a disservice by painting them as ambitious or power-hungry when at the end for both of them, it’s a desire to have a happy, stable, loving life.

#asoiaf meta #sansa stark #daenerys targaryen #cersei lannister #arya stark

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andypantsx3 · 4 years

Text

if i could keep cool | 5

pairing: Todoroki Shouto / Reader

length: 20,322 words / 6 chapters

summary: A villain attacks Shouto Todoroki’s apartment and kidnaps what he apparently believes to be Todoroki’s secret lover. The bad news—for both you and the villain in question—is that you’re just there to clean the place. That’s how it starts.

tags: romance, reader-insert, accidental sugar daddy shouto, misunderstandings

warnings: aged up characters, eventual smut

You spent the rest of the weekend freaking out about how handsy you had been with Shouto.

Not only had you stuffed him into the hat and the sunglasses, not only had you curled tightly into his politely offered warmth, but then you’d literally held his hand the entire way to your apartment. You’d been too drunk to be self-conscious about what you’d been doing at the time, but once sober, you were embarrassed to realize you’d been clinging to him like some kind of beer-and-yakitori-filled limpet.

You kept replaying the whole walk home in your head, reviewing the absent way you’d played with his fingers, how you’d mused on how warm and large his hands were. Then he’d very obviously tried to offload you as quickly as he could at your door, insisting that you go inside when you continued to hang around him, and he’d literally pushed you inside at the end of it.

God, you could just die.

Shouto, for his part, seemed pretty unbothered by the whole thing. He texted you a couple times over the weekend, as if things were completely normal, but you still dreaded the moment that Tuesday rolled around.

How were you supposed to look him in the face after making such an obvious fool of yourself? How was he being so chill about things? Maybe he was just used to everyone in a thousand mile radius making an immediate mess of themselves for him. But still, it was embarrassing that you were one of them.

Tuesday evening did roll around, however, and soon enough you found yourself tentatively cracking open the door to his apartment. You sent up a silent prayer for him to not be home, but your hopes were immediately dashed when you caught sight of his lean form stretched out on his couch, a book in hand. His head raised when he heard the door, and a small smile curled his mouth when he caught sight of you.

Your heart thumped very deliberately in your chest as if to call attention to the fact that you were even more of a lovestruck idiot than you’d been willing to admit.

You tried to ignore your entire body and the way it felt like every fiber was waking up and bending towards him like flowers in the sun, stepping carefully through the door and closing it behind you. As you did, an appealing but unusual scent met your nose, and you glanced around in confusion. What looked suspiciously like cookware and spices littered his heretofore completely untouched countertops, and you felt an eyebrow raise. Was he...cooking?

“Something’s wrong,” you blurted immediately.

Those heterochromatic eyes snapped to your face and he leaned forward in concern. “What?”

“You’re cooking,” you said. “You’ve never cooked one single time the entire time I’ve worked here. Your countertops told me so.”

He let out a soft laugh, relaxing back into his couch. “There’s a first time for everything.”

You eyed him suspiciously. Was he okay? Had he been attacked or something? Was there such a thing as a villain with a quirk that made people cook things?

“What’s the occasion?” you asked carefully, watching him for any sign of a quirk’s influence.

He gestured you over to his living room and you went to him slowly. “I thought we’d hang out again.” He still pronounced the phrase like it sat uneasily in his mouth.

You stared at him. He wanted to hang out? “Shouto...but...my shift.”

He directed you to a chair across the coffee table from him. “I have to leave on a mission for a week tomorrow morning. I...wanted to spend time with you before I left.”

A weird mixture of concern and warmth washed over you. Okay, that was super cute, but that didn’t explain the complete absurdity of him suddenly reneging on what you strongly suspected was an unbroken streak of over two decades not cooking a single thing. Was the mission he was going on super dangerous? Did he think he wouldn’t come back from it? Was he crossing experiences off his bucket list before he went?

Your concern must have read on your face because he leaned forward, one cool hand taking yours. You almost jumped out of your skin with surprise.

“It’s not any more dangerous than my everyday work,” he said in that deep tone.

You frowned. That honestly wasn’t saying much, all things considered. His job literally involved fighting super villains.

“I just...thought it would be nice,” he said, and you thought you read a note of self-consciousness in his tone. You frowned.

What the hell did he have to be self-conscious about? He wasn’t the one who’d made a complete and utter fool of himself Friday night. You were honestly surprised he’d let you into his apartment at all, after what had happened.

But maybe...this was his way of telling you it didn’t matter? He was clearly making an effort to be nice--maybe he wanted to try again? If he really did, if that’s what this was really all about, then you could do that. And this time, you would keep your hands to yourself.

“What are you making?” you asked, your curiosity getting the better of you.

Shouto leaned in conspiratorially. “Vegetables.”

You let out a shocked laugh. “No way.”

A small smirk pulled at his mouth. “I don’t know how you usually make yours, but a friend had some suggestions.”

You looked at him curiously and he pulled out his phone, clicking into a chat and sliding it across the coffee table to you.

You glanced down at the messages, one eyebrow lifting when you saw a series of really good-looking recipes featuring roasted fall vegetables, then choked on a laugh when you caught sight of the other messages interspersed between the recipe links.

Do you seriously not fucking know how to cook a vegetable, icy hot?

[Honey Roasted Carrots with Yogur…] > http://bit.ly/9iJZ5jt

Fucking useless.

[Grilled Zucchini and Feta Toasts w...] > http://bit.ly/8oKZ5jf

Here, dipshit: [Charred Vegetable Medley with Burrata…] > http://bit.ly/5oDF4fi

If you food poison her, I don’t give a shit.

Don’t text me again.

“These look really good, but, um,” you chuckled, “your secret lover seems a little displeased.”

Shouto’s mouth curled. “He’s the jealous type.”

You laughed. “And when he’s clearly the superior chef, with recipes like that. I talk a big vegetable game, but I can’t give you what he can.”

Shouto huffed a laugh. “Anger issues and insults?”

You grinned back at him, then jumped when a timer went off in the kitchen.

“Stay here,” Shouto commanded. A cool hand pressed you down into a chair, and then he was gone.

Your eyes followed him as he made his way to the kitchen, tracing over the lines of his broad shoulders. He’d chosen another soft sweater today and he looked so fucking good, so absurdly domestic as he pulled vegetables out of the oven and looked them over. It was clear he had no idea what he was doing, and that somehow made everything ten times cuter, the sight of him way too much for your poor heart to take.

He was too easy to picture as a boyfriend trying to do something sweet for his girlfriend, and your teeth ached with the thought of it. You wondered if this was how he was going to treat his lover, when he eventually got one for real. That girl was going to be so damn lucky, she had no idea.

Shouto wandered back over with plates loaded with vegetables, two wine glasses, and a bottle of something dark and red.

You eyed the bottle carefully. You’d promised yourself you wouldn’t get handsy this time, and it was hard enough to keep your cool around him when you were sober. You didn’t know if you trusted yourself with a glass or two of wine in you.

“Uh, this looks really good,” you said, examining your plate for a distraction. It looked like Shouto had made every single one of the recipes Bakugou had sent him, and they honestly didn’t look too bad.

Shouto adopted a carefully blank look, like he was trying not to look too pleased. “We’ll see if that impression lasts. This is the first time any of my kitchenware has seen action.”

You laughed. “I trust you. Besides, I’m not hard to impress. In freshman year I once ate nothing but instant ramen for six weeks straight.”

He smirked and moved to pour the wine. You opened your mouth to stop him, lest you drink too much and get a little too hands on again, but you froze when you caught sight of the flowers at the center of his coffee table. The bouquet from Friday stared back at you.

Heat flared in your cheeks when you realized he’d kept it. The flowers definitely were not nice enough to fit in with the rest of his modern apartment, and the edges of the petals were looking a little more obviously wilted now, but he’d kept them. He’d found a vase and put them in water and set them out on his coffee table, and that was so embarrassing and so, so cute.

Shouto caught you looking. “I really did mean that I liked them,” he said evenly.

“I’ll get you something nicer,” you suddenly blurted, eyes still locked on the bouquet. “When you come back from your mission. If you come back safe.”

He looked at you curiously, eyes fixing on you unblinkingly. “You sound concerned.”

You shifted uncomfortably. “Well, yeah. I--” have the world’s fattest crush on you “--care about you.”

Shouto’s eyes darkened and he considered you for a long moment. “I care about you, too,” he admitted quietly.

You put a hand to your face to make sure it wasn’t actually on fire, and you leaned forward to help yourself to the wine so you didn’t have to look at him. Fuck it. You would just have to watch your hands extra carefully.

“So, uh, where’s the mission?” you asked hurriedly, suddenly desperate to move the conversation along. You needed to put a ton of words in between Shouto and what you’d just admitted, give him as little opportunity as possible to think in any more depth about what you’d said. It was cute that he’d returned the sentiment, but he did not mean it in the same way you did.

Shouto gave a vague answer, looking apologetic that he couldn’t share more, and your gut twisted at the idea that he’d be somewhere far away for over a week while you had no idea where he was. He looked uncomfortable with the idea as well, and you immediately steered the conversation back to more positive waters, starting up a stream of compliments over the vegetables that had turned out actually pretty good, especially for his first time cooking anything.

You had to stifle a laugh at how hard Shouto tried not to look smug.

As they always did, the hours slipped away easily with hardly any sign of their passing, and before you realized, it was well past when your shift was supposed to have ended. You and Shouto had talked yourselves almost all the way to midnight.

“I’ll help clean up before I go,” you announced, standing up and bringing plates into Shouto’s kitchen. He followed you closely, warm at your back.

“Let me,” he said quietly and you looked up at him, smiling.

“I literally came here to clean and then didn’t do shit,” you informed him. “Besides, you can’t clean up. You have to supervise to ensure the safety of your countertops, remember?”

He smirked. “How could I forget?”

You grinned and turned back to the sink, powering through all the dishes and stowing the leftovers away in tupperware. Shouto watched you hawkishly as you wiped down the counters, and you laughed.

“You can’t protect them from me while you’re gone,” you intoned, turning to him. “You might as well say your farewells now.”

His eyes narrowed and he stepped closer to you. You took a step back in surprise, your hip bumping the counter.

“I seem to recall bribery works quite well,” he said, his voice dipping lower. Your skin prickled at the sound. “What would you have me offer this time?”

You stared up at him, fighting down a shiver. He must not have realized how close he’d stepped, but he was near enough that you could feel the heat of him and smell that cologne again, that clean scent that made your head spin. After a couple of glasses of wine, you were helpless to fight the way your eyes were drawn to his mouth. Every nerve ending in your body snapped to attention.

You leaned forward, feeling dazed. Then you froze when you realized what you were doing. Jesus Christ, you needed to be arrested.

“Uh, consider the vegetables payment enough,” you said quickly, gazing up at him with wide eyes.

Shouto watched you for a long moment with a strange little smile playing about his mouth, then stepped back, letting you go. You breathed a quiet sigh of relief while simultaneously mourning the loss of his proximity.

He turned and grabbed up the extra food to press into your hands, then called an agency car for you as he always did, and walked you down to the lobby of his building.

“Please stay safe,” you said to him as you lingered in the doorway, hating the way your voice sounded a little desperate.

He smiled, and before you knew what was happening, his arms went around you, pulling you into his chest. He was so warm and broad and hard with lean muscle, and he smelled so, so good. You couldn’t suppress your full body shiver.

“I’ll stay safe,” he said into your hair. “If you keep my countertops safe.”

You couldn’t help but laugh into his sweater. “It’s a deal.”

He kept you pressed to him for a few moments more, and you tried to be subtle about the lungfuls of air you were taking, the way you were memorizing the feel of him to replay over and over in your brain for the literal rest of your life. Eventually, one of the security officers coughed, and you jumped back, shame-faced.

“I’ll see you in a week,” Shouto promised.

You smiled. “See you in a week.”

Then you turned and walked to the car. You could feel a pair of eyes hot on your back, following you until the car pulled away and turned out into the night.

The rest of the week passed fairly uneventfully. You ate, slept, wrote a paper, and clocked in to your usual Thursday shift at Shouto’s apartment, trying not to feel too disappointed at how empty it felt without him there. He hadn’t told you much, but you had gathered that his assignment had taken him outside of the country, and this meant that you hadn’t received any texts from him in days.

You tried to keep yourself distracted all through the weekend, getting a leg up on all the finals work that was starting to pile up, putting in a ton of hours at the fancy coffee shop with your laptop and several americanos that were (to your fond exasperation) still completely paid for.

It was only when Monday rolled around that something went completely and utterly wrong, and not in any way that you would have ever expected.

When you walked into lecture that morning, you immediately felt like you were being watched. A quick check in your periphery confirmed that a couple groups of students were casting subtle glances in your direction, and excited whispers began to pick up around you. You quickly ran a hand over your face to see if you’d accidentally gotten toothpaste on yourself, and glanced down at your clothes to make sure no coffee had spilled.

Nothing came to your attention, so you settled into your seat, wondering.

Lecture passed slowly, and as the minutes ticked by, you felt more and more pairs of eyes fix themselves on you. When class ended, you watched in bemusement as everyone turned to watch you leave, and you launched yourself out of the room as fast as you could, heartbeat picking up.

What the hell was wrong with people?

Almost as soon as you’d managed to duck out of the building, your phone rang with an unknown number. You stared at it blankly, considering hanging up, but a feeling of foreboding pressed down on you with a sudden urgency. What if something had happened to Shouto?

“Y/N,” a woman on the other end of the line said briskly, as soon as you picked up. “This is Shouto’s manager.”

Your heart leapt into your throat, but before you could gasp out a question, she was talking to you urgently. “I need you to head home as quickly as possible, and don’t talk to anyone on your way.”

“What?” you asked wildly. “Is everything okay? Is Shouto hurt?”

“Shouto’s fine,” she said, then paused. “You haven’t seen the news, then.”

“No?” you frowned. A pair of passing girls stopped short when they caught sight of you, and your sense of confusion magnified twofold.

“You’ve been outed as Shouto’s secret lover,” his manager sighed.

Your heart stopped. What?

“Excuse me?” you asked.

“Someone got a couple shots of you on your date the other week, and a few more in the lobby of his building,” she explained. “That, and you match the description of the woman the villain took from his apartment when he’d claimed to take Shouto’s lover hostage. News outlets will be tracking you down any minute.”

You glanced up, only to find the entire walkway of students frozen, watching you. Your eyes widened and you quickly turned on your heel, picking up into a brisk jog towards your apartment.

“It wasn’t a date though!” you hissed into the phone, anxiety washing over you. “It’s not--they can’t think that Shouto would--with me--!”

Shouto’s manager made a clicking noise with her tongue. “Whether you are or aren’t, it certainly looks like you are,” she paused for a long time, then added somewhat hesitantly, “And as soon as you get home, I need you to delete your twitter account.”

Your limbs iced over. Oh fucking hell--she’d found your twitter account? You launched yourself into a faster run, tearing down the city blocks towards your apartment.

“Oh my god, how did you--? When did--? I am so dead if anyone finds that,” you puffed as you ran, “Has anyone else found it yet or just you?”

“Not yet. It will take the media a few hours to track down all of your information but, having reviewed the contents myself, I think it’s safe to say you’ll want it removed.”

You cringed. You didn’t know how she’d found it, but you hated to think of Shouto finding out exactly what was on there. You hoped she kept things to herself.

“I’ll delete it,” you promised as you rounded the corner into your neighborhood, ignoring the stitch that was making itself known in your side. You needed to hit the gym more. “But what do I do about the secret lover thing? They can’t think that Shouto would actually date me.”

“You do nothing,” she commanded, a pit formed in your gut. “We’ll ignore it, and eventually they will lose interest.”

Your stomach churned. It had already been months since the kidnapping and they clearly hadn’t lost interest yet. You hated to think of Shouto trapped in an even more vicious cycle of gossip all because you couldn’t keep your damn hands to yourself. God, what the hell had you gotten him into?

“That’s not fair to him,” you said, slowing to a walk when you saw a crowd of people lingering around your apartment. You picked up several cameras, and your insides twisted nervously when you realized what was going on. They’d already found your apartment.

“Shouto’s a big boy, he can handle himself,” his manager explained, but you heard her only dimly, as if through water. A plan was suddenly forming in the back of your mind as you considered the crowds milling outside of your apartment. “We’ll come up with a plan later, and--”

“No,” you said, biting your lip nervously. “I think I--I think I know what I can do. I’ll just tell everyone the truth and then they’ll leave him alone.”

"Absolutely not," Shouto's manager said, sounding weirdly like your mom just before she was about to ground you. "You have no experience with the media, they will eat you alive."

You considered this. "But what harm is there in just telling the truth? It's not like you have to have experience for that."

"No," she said, like that would settle things. But you just watched the swarm of people, the feeling getting stronger. You'd gotten kidnapped, you'd suggested the izakaya, you'd held his hand. Shouto was in this situation because of you, whether you were to blame or not. You had to fix things.

“Y/N,” his manager called from the other end of the line, but you weren’t listening. You quickly ended the call, then logged into twitter, clicking into settings and immediately hitting delete on your account. You would not survive if the entire world found out just how thirsty you were for the man you were about to set the record straight on. You ran a quick hand through your hair, making sure that you didn’t look completely embarrassing, and straightened out your clothes.

Then, squaring your shoulders, you walked up to your building.

Immediately, you were swarmed with cameras, all manner of microphones ramming you in the chin and elbows.

“Y/N,” a woman shouted, her eyes bright with excitement, “How does it feel to be Shouto Todoroki’s secret lover? Why did you hide your relationship for so long?”

You’d anticipated the question, but you still couldn’t help the way you stared at her. “Um, I’m not sure if I’m qualified to answer that. We’re not, um--it’s not like that.”

Wow it was hard to talk in front of a camera. Your face heated.

She seemed to ignore you. “Why have the two of you been spotted together on multiple occasions, holding hands and hugging? You seem fairly close to me.”

You cringed. “T-that’s my fault. I drank a little too much and Shouto was helping me home. The hug was just between friends.”

“Todoroki took you home when you were drunk? Did anything happen?”

You gawped. “No, of course not! What are you--? Are you kidding me?”

“A man takes a woman home late at night, and you insist nothing happened?”

Your temper flared. You didn’t like the things she was insinuating about Shouto, and it was already embarrassing enough that nothing had actually happened. He all but thrown you inside to get away from you.

“No,” you said acidly, “It’s not like that for him. Shouto doesn’t feel that way about me.”

“And yet he was holding your hand?” the woman prompted.

Was this a fucking jury trial? Why the hell did she have so many questions? The words bubbled up out of your throat before you could stop them.

“No, I told you it’s not like that! Shouto has zero feelings for me and he was just being nice. If you want a story, you’re going to have to look elsewhere because there is no way on earth Shouto Todoroki would so much as glance in my direction, and he shouldn’t be put on trial for things that a drunk friend did. If Shouto has a secret lover, then that’s news to me too.”

The woman paused, then a grin spread across her face. “You say Todoroki has no feelings for you, but I notice you’ve not made the same claim. Could this instead be a case of unrequited love? Tell me, do you have feelings for a certain pro hero?”

It was a testament to how overwhelmed you were feeling, how much your brain was spinning, how unequipped you had come to lie, how completely and utterly stupid it was for you to have done this in the first place that the words that came out of your mouth next were not “no,” were not “are you kidding,” were not anything that gave you the safety of plausible deniability.

Instead, you opened your mouth, and in a move that would make you cringe until the literal day you died, you said: “Uh--wouldn’t you?”

#shouto todoroki x reader #bnha #todoroki x reader #fanfic #boku no hero academia #bnha x reader #shouto todoroki

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jaalismyhusband · 4 years

Text

Took you long enough

Title: Took you long enough

Pairings: Sebastian Stan x f!reader

Warnings: angst with a happy ending, explicit language, age gap, corruption kink if you squint

Wordcount: 2.9k

Masterlist

To say that these past few months have been stressful is an understatement. You were an aspiring actress and somehow landed a pretty big role in a movie. It already had some famous names attached to it and you were quite intimidated to star along the other actors. But nonetheless, you put on your big girl pants and took the opportunity. Caught in a loop of constant stress, memorizing the lines, filming the scenes, promoting the movie, you had only so much time to really appreciate what was going on. It was only after the first month of filming you realized what the hell was actually happening.

Your co-star Sebastian Stan has helped you a lot with handling everything. You remember, when you found out he was starring in the movie as well, you almost passed out. Getting to know him was such a surreal experience. Although you had a big crush on him, you stayed respectful towards him and you two became rather close friends.

To be honest, the more you got to know him, the more you liked him. And this time it wasn’t just a platonic crush. You tried to fight it, but your struggles were fruitless. You had it bad for your best friend. Acting on your feelings was not an option however. It was no secret that no woman occupied his bedroom for more than one night. You knew it was bad news to fall for him, yet you couldn’t help yourself. You liked how he didn’t pretend, but actually listened to you. How he seemed to remember even the little details you mentioned to him. How protective he was of you from the day you met, especially while defending you when people called you “the new kid” - the nickname stuck with you during the whole period of filming, much to your dislike. You knew they meant well when they called you that nickname, trying to make you feel like a part of the group. You were much younger than most of the cast, but you didn’t think of yourself as a child anymore. It seemed impossible to convince others of that, though.

Only a few people respected you enough not to use that nickname - one of them being Sebastian. At times you thought he didn’t see you as a kid with the way he treated you and you were naïve enough to get your hopes up. That was a mistake, you thought, as you watched the interview Sebastian had done earlier that day. He was asked about the cast members. You anxiously waited for your name to be mentioned, palms sweating as you guessed what he would say about you.

“What about Y/N? You seem close, not to mention how often you are spotted together.” The interviewer raised his brow, as he waited for an answer.

Sebastian smiled widely as he answered: “Yeah, we are really close. She’s like a little sister I never had, you know?”

Your heart clenched painfully, as you stopped the video. You just had to accept that it would never work. How could you be so stupid to think he’d actually like you, when he had so many women at his feet, begging to be noticed by him. You were thankful you were his friend - that had to be enough. It wasn’t, though. No matter what you told yourself, you always ended up thinking about him in inappropriate ways.

The door on your trailer opened and revealed happy Sebastian with take out.

“Hey, I thought to bring you some food, since it’s going to be a long day today.” He smiled at you as he sat down next to you on the couch, handing you your food.

“Thanks.” You smiled back. You didn’t waste time and dug in, only now realizing how hungry you were. He seemed to know you better than you knew yourself.

Sebastian broke the comfortable silence: “Hey, so, I want to ask you for advice.” Did he seem nervous? No, you thought as you hinted him to ask away.

“There’s this woman, that I like. I shouldn’t, but something about her is so intriguing, I can’t help it. And I don’t know what to do,” he confessed.

“I can’t believe you are asking me for an advice on how to pick up women. You getting rusty, old man?” You joked, as his face fell in disappointment.

“I’m serious, Y/N. I think I’m ready to go all the way with her. But she’s not really – uhm, how to put it – available. That’s why I’m so nervous about it,” he sighed, as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Right, sorry. But still, I think you’re perfectly fine. Just ask her out. She’d be stupid to reject you,” you spoke sincerely.

“Thanks, I’ll go for it then.”

The rest of the lunch was enjoyed in silence.

Few days have passed and your mood seem to only decrease as the time went on. You secretly hoped Sebastian was talking about you and that he would ask you out later. But this was your life, not a romcom. Your hopes were crushed, when you asked Sebastian about it and he confirmed what seemed like your worst nightmare.

“She said yes!” he exclaimed excitedly and you gave him a hug to hide the mixture of unpleasant emotions plastered on your face.

“I’m so happy for you,” and you were, truly. As long as he was happy, you would be too. But why did it hurt so much anyway?

Ever since then, you just weren’t your ever smiling self. What you were was a millennial and you did what millennials knew best – repressed your emotions. Stuffed them deep inside your soul where nobody could acknowledge them, not even you.

The days seemed repetitive. You were exhausted from putting up a show not only when you were filming, but now also when you were in a company of your friends. Luckily, there was only one scene to film and then a much needed vacation awaited.

“CUT!” screamed the director. “What the hell Y/N?! This is the seventh take and you still can’t get it right.”

“I’m sorry, sir. I’ll get it this time, I swear,” you apologized and immediately took your spot, wanting nothing more, than to finish this scene, go home and curl up in bed while watching your favourite show.

Today was just one of those days, when it seemed like the whole universe conspired against you. First, your alarm didn’t go off, which resulted in being late on your last day. Your hands were shaking by the time you got to the set and you managed to knock over the cup of coffee, just barely missing your costume. Not to mention how anxious you were, since you were purposely avoiding Sebastian. You only missed him more and yet, you couldn’t stand being in his presence. It hurt not being able to look into his eyes. This all held you back from giving a flawless performance in front of the camera, which only frustrated you even more.

“We believe in you, kid. Breathe, focus. Action!” You were truly thankful for the support, as you finally got the scene right.

“And cut! We got it! Ok, that’s it, guys. It’s been pleasure to work with you all. As you may have heard, there will be an afterparty, if you will, tonight. Please, do come! Till then have a great day everyone!” Finished the director and people started to clap. There has been a heavy boulder of a rock lifted from your shoulders as you realized this was it. You quickly said your goodbyes to everyone, eager to go home and hide.

“Y/N! Wait!” you were on your way out when you heard your name being called. You sighed and put on a smile, before you faced Sebastian.

“Hi, I’ve tried to call you, but you weren’t picking up. You’ve been distant lately. Have you been avoiding me?” He accused.

“No! No, I uh… My phone has been malfunctioning these days, I’m getting it repaired soon,” you weren’t proud of yourself for lying to him, but you weren’t ready to tell him the truth just yet.

“Are you coming to the afterparty?” It was obvious he didn’t buy your white lie, but decided not to ponder on it.

“Oh, I don’t think I am. I’ve had an extraordinarily shitty day and I don’t wanna be a party pooper.” You immediately gave him a list of excuses.

“Yeah, yeah, quit it, queen. I’ll pick you up at 7.” He left you no space to argue and just walked away. You shook your head in disbelief and made your way home.

“Finally,” you exhaled a big breath once you collapsed on your bed. Sleep was an alluring way how to avoid your problems. So, you did the reasonable thing and took a nap.

You woke up right as the sun was setting. You still hadn’t decided if you were going to go to that stupid get together or not. You knew it would be a nice change of pace, to let go for one night. Afterall, it was a celebration of the hard work the cast had done. On the other hand, Sebastian would be there. And now that you thought about it, he would probably bring that woman, he asked out earlier. You weren’t ready to see Sebastian all lovey dovey with someone else, god no.

But this was also the chance to see him for the last time. You weren’t sure if he would keep hanging out with you after the movie was done. Tears stung in your eyes as you realized that he would probably cut ties with you. Sure, you would call each other once a week, then once a month, then only on holidays and then he would eventually stop calling you whatsoever. You were going to lose him. You were so sure of it. The tears were now streaming freely down your cheeks as you hyperventilated. All of those emotions that were supposed to stay stored away came at you at once, demanding to be experienced, to be felt.

You couldn’t calm down and there was only one person who was able to soothe you. Your best friend from high school. Due to your career you two weren’t hanging out as often as you’d like, but your bond hadn’t suffered because of that. You dialled her number after you blew your nose, so you were able to somewhat form words.

“Hi, Y/N! Oh my god, it’s been so long since we’ve actually talked!” You sobbed even harder when you heard her enthusiastic voice.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Talk to me,” she pleaded, as you tried to calm yourself enough to talk.

“Today has just been such a shitshow,” you cried out. You told her all about your day, but the topic soon enough changed to the real reason why you were crying – Sebastian.

“You know what’s the worst thing? I love him. So fucking much. And I know he doesn’t feel the same. He sees me as his little sister. SISTER. No way he would be attracted to someone he considers a sibling. Oh, and have I mentioned that now he’s suddenly had a change of heart and stopped sleeping with random women because he mEt SoMEoNe sPeCiaL?” you mocked him, “I just can’t. I know that I did this to myself and it’s not his fault, but fuck! I can’t even tell him how I feel, because there is only one scenario to this – him ending our friendship because of it. I don’t know if I’m ready to lose him completely.” You kept on rambling as your supportive friend listened, offering you her kind words here and there.

Soon after she apologized profusely, as she explained her break was over and she had to get back to work. You assured her it was okay and that you were thankful she found some time to listen to you pour you broken heart out through the phone. She ended the call by reminding you that she loved you and hung up.

You sighed and blew your nose again. You stood up from your bed, taking the used tissues with you.

“Fuck.” You stopped dead in your tracks, feeling like a deer in front of a headlights. There stood a very shocked Sebastian.

“How did you get here?”

“I came to pick you up, remember? Front door was unlocked, so I let myself in. You didn’t respond when I called your name. I looked for you and found you here, crying,” his voice cracked at his last words: “I have never seen you cry before.” He seemed truly sad, but you were too frightened to notice.

“How much of it did you hear?”

“Everything.” He exhaled and you struggled to meet his gaze. You huffed, storming out of your bedroom, leaving him behind. You just wanted to disappear right on the spot and avoid this confrontation.

You almost ran to the kitchen, throwing the tissues to the bin. You hoped this was all just a bad dream and that in fact Sebastian wasn’t here, but all that convincing was futile once you turned around and saw him sitting in your kitchen. There was a tense silence, as none of you knew what to say next. The air grew heavy, suffocating you.

“So,” Sebastian cleared his throat, “you like me?” To which you only nodded, as you leaned on the counter.

“Why?” he asked. You laughed at that, the sound so alien to you because of all the crying.

“You were nice to me from the first day. You gave me a chance to get to know you. Once we started hanging out I just, I don’t know. I like how you talked to me, like I wasn’t just the new kid. You actually listened to what I had to say. You made me feel special, Seb. Not to mention, you look like a fucking Greek god,” he chuckled at that.

“Weren’t you discouraged by my age? Or the fact that ‘I slept with random women’?” he asked, using your words against you.

“Well, I can’t blame you for that. And I can’t blame those women either. And your age never bothered me. In fact, it’s just another thing about you that turns me on.” You realized too late what you were about to say and just said it. Your eyes widened and your face heated up, as you tried to shrink your existence and hide from Sebastian’s piercing gaze.

“I turn you on?” Sebastian asked, amused by how embarrassed you were. He stood up and walked up to you. You shied away, but he trapped you in between his arms against the counter, so you wouldn’t run.

“I’d like your advice on something,” he started as he looked you straight in the eyes, “There’s this girl I’ve befriended. She’s really young and innocent, like an angel. I think I liked her right from the start, but I knew I wasn’t good for her. And yet, I can’t help but be attracted to her. I’ve tried to forget, but all those meaningless nights and faceless women couldn’t fill the void. Couldn’t erase the feelings she brought up in me every time I thought of her, saw her, touched her. I think about her almost every night. About how I’d hold her, kiss her, make her moan my name.” You squirmed under his gaze, but he paid no mind as he continued his monologue: “I fantasize about deflowering her, turning her into a mess, while I transform her into my greedy whore. The image makes me painfully hard. And now, I have a chance to make her mine. What do you say, doll? Should I go for it?” You gasped at his confession and only weakly nodded.

His lips met yours in a desperate kiss. It was all tongue and teeth. He wasn’t gentle with you by any means, not that you wanted him to be. His hands pulled you impossibly close, as they squeezed your ass, making you moan into the kiss. You both had to stop and take a breath, your foreheads connecting as you panted.

“I made her up, you know,” spoke Sebastian softly.

“What?”

“The woman. She doesn’t exist. It was you who I’ve been talking about, but then I chickened out.”

“Why?” you were curious and anxious at the same time to hear his answer.

“You called me an old man! I thought you would be creeped out!” he got defensive.

“That was a joke, Seb,” you laughed, “Why did you tell me that she accepted?”

He awkwardly scratched his neck, as he mumbled: “I didn’t want to disappoint you, that your advice hadn’t worked.” You just burst out laughing at that. Sebastian didn’t like that, as he faked getting offended and hurt, which only caused to make you cry-laugh. You finally calmed down, after a while, only now seeing how Sebastian was watching you the whole time. He gently wiped the tears away with the pad of his thumb, as he held your face.

“I love you, Seb,” it felt good to finally say it out loud. You were absolutely lovestruck and at this point you didn’t care.

“Took you long enough,” you rolled your eyes at him, as he smirked.

“I love you too, doll.”

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan ff #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #rpf #fanfiction #sebastian stan fanfic

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