#hm i guess it was time to drop a little angst :3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whatsk-poppinhomies · 10 months

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Pairing : idol!Kim Seungmin x F!Reader TW : pregnancy ; unmentioned pregnancy complications ; Seungmin is a jerk ; Changbin is a really good friend ; general angst ; Word Count : 2.9k Request : AHHH THANK YOU!! im happy that you like my request🥺🥺🥺🤍 hm bang chan would be good! he’s my bias after all HAHHAH buttt honestly speaking, i’d more than love to read about seungmin’s, minho’s or felix’s too <3 take your time!!! A/N : Finally making Seungmins in the angsty skz dad series!! (If you all want to read for anymore of the members, let me know!!)

There was a distance growing between you and Seungmin, one that you attributed to his busy schedule and his lack of adequate sleep, the constant practice and promotions, it had taken a toll on him and it looked as though it were slowly starting to take a toll on the relationship as well.

That’s why the little stick that you held in your hand felt more like a saving grace, it was something that would save your relationship, it would bring Seungmin closer to you. The both of you had talked occasionally about starting a family together in the future, and while it wasn’t that far off in the future, you felt like things would be okay. You loved each other, that’s what mattered. You hoped that maybe he’d get a couple days off to spend with you while you both processed the news together and started to plan things out, you were really hoping for that.

He walked through the front door and before you could even open your mouth to say hi, he was walking to the bedroom. “Min!” You called out to him, and you heard the heavy sigh escape him before he turned around to face you, leaning against the wall and staring at you with no expression at all. “Aren’t you hungry? Have you eaten yet?” It wasn’t what was originally supposed to be said, but the way he was looking at you had you backing down almost instantly.

“I ate with Hyunjin and Chan before I came home. I’m fine.” He grumbled, turning back around to go into the room, but you called for him again, desperate to hold his attention just a little longer, at least long enough to get out what you needed to say. “What? I’m really tired, Y/N, just say it.”

He was so short fused nowadays, you weren’t sure what happened today that had him so annoyed, but you were hoping that the announcement would have him softening up. “I’m pregnant, Min…” You whispered, and even under his cold gaze, you couldn’t ward off the smile that crept to your lips and tugged at the corners.

“Congratulations.” He mumbled, and your smile slowly dropped as you took a step closer to him, his lack of emotion was absolutely terrifying right now to you. “Did you tell Changbin already?” The question had you pausing, your head tilting to the side, wondering why he was brought up right now. “I’ll congratulate him tomorrow too.”

“Wh-What are you talking about?” You quizzed, grabbing onto his shirt to keep him from walking away. “Seungmin stop!” You pleaded when he tried to pull away, your eyes already welling with tears as you tugged against his shirt once more. “What are you talking about… seriously…” You tried not to whine, but you couldn’t help it. This was supposed to be a special moment, but it was all spiraling down and you didn’t even understand why.

“Stop fucking pretending just once!” He said sternly, grabbing your hand, and although his anger was palpable, his touch was still gentle as he moved your hand off of him. “I know what’s going on, and I thought that maybe, just maybe you’d finally be honest. I guess not.” He huffed, running his hand through his hair as he back stepped away from you. “I see the way you are together… I’m not stupid… I didn’t say anything… Because he’s my hyung and I tried to ignore it but…” His teeth gritted together as his eyes squeezed shut, his cheeks and his nose turning red as he tried to hold back his tears. “But I can’t ignore this… I fucking can’t.”

You weren’t even given a chance to deny it as he brushed past you, heading right back out the door he had just come through. How could he think… How could he assume such a thing? You were devastated, you were furious, and now you were alone… Left on your own to raise a baby that you thought would put all the pieces back together. You just didn’t know how scattered those pieces were.

///

Work was beyond awkward and the tension was excruciating for all the other members who had not a single idea about what was going on. The only person who thought he knew what was going on was Seungmin, but his frame of thought couldn’t be further from the truth. It didn’t help though that after he had walked out, you had called none other than Changbin to come over and talk to you.

Bin was one of your best friends, and apparently that meant that the two of you were together, even though most of your conversations with him before all of this happened had been about Seungmin. Hell, even now your conversations were about Seungmin because you couldn’t stop thinking about him, especially now that his child was growing inside of you.

Changbin knew what was really going on, and he was absolutely livid. He wanted to talk to Seungmin, but you were adamant that he didn’t. Seungmin would either figure shit out on his own and come around, or he just wouldn’t, and you knew that Changbin coming to him would only make things worse.

“Did you eat today?” Changbin called as he walked through the front door, carrying a bag of take out in one arm as he pushed the door shut with his other. “I hope you didn’t because I got a bunch of your favorites and we’re gonna chow down!” He cheered, kicking off his shoes and running over to the couch where you were sitting.

“Did you bring that one drink from the office? You know the one you had yesterday that you told me not to drink but I took a little sip and it was really good so I finished it and then told you that it spilled because you were wondering where it was?” You rambled on, taking a deep breath once you had finished the question, your smile so sweet as your hands clasped in front of you, but Changbins eyes went wide as he stared at you.

“You drank it?” He squeaked, his bottom lip jutting out as he playfully pouted. You quickly apologized and his pout quickly faded, turning into a bright smile, pulling you into a hug. “It’s alright shmooks, big boy is just like his dad and can’t go without his americano.”

At the mention of your son's father your shoulders slumped, your throat tightening. Any mention of Seungmin had you on the verge of tears, and Changbin quickly shook his head, running his hands up and down your arms to try to calm you. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have brought him up…” He quickly stated, his face getting closer to yours to make sure that no tears had formed yet. “I’ll bring you home one of the drinks tomorrow… Let’s just forget all about this, eat all of this very yummy and very expensive food, and we can rewatch your favorite movie for the fifth time in a row this week.”

You snorted softly, rolling your eyes at the number he had given as you lightly pushed against him. “It hasn’t been five times… It’s like… Seven. And I’m going for eight, so pass me the remote and I’ll get it started up. Remember, take your bathroom break now because I hate pausing it.”

“Pfft!” Changbin sounded, grabbing the bags of take out off the coffee table and placing them on the couch between the both of your legs. “Says the one who has to pause the movie every fifteen minutes to run to the bathroom.” He teased, and you quickly forgot about the Seungmin comment, mainly because you had to keep swatting Changbins hand out of your bag to stop him from stealing your fries. Having Changbin around was a nice way to forget about what a mess your life was right now. He was the greatest friend, he was like a brother to you, and you were thankful that even though you and Seungmin were on the outs, Changbin had decided to stay in your corner, to help you get through this time.

///

“You never talk about Y/N…” Hyunjin said, the comment coming from seemingly nowhere, he himself came from out of nowhere as Seungmin made his way to the small cafe in the office, trying his best to avoid Hyunjins prying comments. “I haven’t heard you even mention her the past six months… That’s crazy… I haven’t seen her at the dorms either.” Hyunjin paused for a moment, and Seungmin quickly picked up his speed, hoping that he’d get away from his hyung before any more questions were asked, but Hyunjin started sprinting to catch up. “Don’t tell me you guys broke up… You two were the cutest! Oh man… No wonder you haven’t been smiling as much… Dammit. What happened?”

“Oh my god!” Seungmin groaned loudly, coming to a sudden halt to whip around and face Hyunjin. “We broke up! Yes! I’m sure it was a mutual agreement considering she’s pregnant… And the kid isn’t mine… It’s Changbins and I wasn’t going to keep pretending that everything was okay and be a father to a kid that isn’t mine. Okay?! Does that answer all of your questions?!” He took a deep breath, shoving his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants as he started walking again, feeling Hyunjins presence right behind him, clearly following him still. “Look, I don’t care if you follow me… Just… Don’t bring her up. It still hurts to talk about her.”

Hyunjin nodded slowly, but he was quiet, too quiet, and Seungmin knew that the silence meant that he was thinking, and he seemed like he was thinking a little bit too hard. His tongue clicked against the roof of his mouth as he shook his head. “It just doesn’t make any sense… I know you don’t want to talk about her but… She just doesn’t seem like she’d do something like that to you, and I know Changbin wouldn’t do that.” The last thing Seungmin wanted to hear were excuses made to make you and Changbin seem innocent, especially from someone who didn’t even know the full story. “Seriously! Seungmin, listen!”

“No, I don’t think I want to.” Seungmin muttered, walking as fast as he could down the hall, but Hyunjin wasn’t the best at taking hints, especially when he felt like he had something to say. “For the love of god, will you stop! You of all people would know considering you live in the same dorm as him. She was always over there! Stop trying to protect them!”

“You’re right! I do know, because I do live in the same dorm!” Hyunjin retorted, keeping up the same pace as Seungmin, completely passing by the cafe, now wandering aimlessly through the halls as they argued. “She came over all the time to talk to him about you! The last couple times she sounded upset… Saying that it seemed like you were pulling away and she didn’t know why… And Changbin told her that it was probably just the stress from getting ready for the comeback. They were like siblings, we couldn’t get them to shut up… And the very last time… Oh my god, it’s all adding up now!” Hyunjins eyes went wide and his mouth fell open, his hands gripping onto Seungmins shoulders. “The last time she came over, she was asking Changbin about how he thought you’d react if she told you she was pregnant. She said she wasn’t sure yet if she was… But Changbin said that you’d be excited… And she said… She said she’d take a test the next morning… And I haven’t… Seen her since… Oh… My… GOD! You idiot!”

Why would Hyunjin lie? He had no reason to… He would gain absolutely nothing if he helped fix the relationship… That’s how Seungmin knew he was being honest. “Oh… Shit, what do I do? You’re a romantic guy, come on, help me out!” Now he was panicking. He didn’t know the first thing to do, especially considering he had been actively ignoring you for six excruciatingly long months.

“Dude… This is way different than forgetting a birthday or an anniversary… You denied your child and then, on top of that, accused her of cheating and claimed the baby was someone else’s, and not just any someone… But one of the other guys! You can’t just buy her roses and be like sorry! This requires communication.” Hyunjin patted Seungmins shoulder with gritted teeth, wincing ever so slightly. “Good luck.”

///

Changbin stood in your kitchen, your apron wrapped around his waist as he worked on making lunch for you. Neither he, nor you, were expecting any guests, which is why he was so confused when he heard the rapid knock at the door. It was probably another package, you did enjoy doing online shopping for the baby when you couldn’t sleep at night, and the delivery man probably knocked so hard to get someone’s attention. It was about to rain, and a soaking package was the absolute worst.

He didn’t bother to take off the apron as he rushed to the door and threw it open, his hands already outstretched to receive the package, but all he got was the view of a very nervous Seungmin. “So… This is… Where you’ve been all week…?” Seungmin questioned as he looked Changbin over, eyeing the pink ruffled apron before moving his eyes back up to meet his hyungs.

“Yes. I’ve been helping her, and I know what you’ve been thinking this entire time, and I just want you to know that you’re wrong. I might be able to be cordial with you while we’re working… But I’m pissed…” Changbin said, flexing his muscles in the doorway as if to block Seungmin from getting inside. “You need to go now, she doesn’t need this kind of stress.”

Seungmin refused to move though, he refused to leave, standing like a statue on the front porch as he glared at his hyung. “What are you? Her dad? Just move, she’s carrying my kid, I have the right to see her.” He tried to push past Changbin, but it proved pointless against the much stronger man who simply pushed him back with a sarcastic chuckle.

“Oh, so now you accept the fact that it’s your kid.” Changbin snarkily retorted, closing the front door as softly as he could behind him before leading Seungmin off the porch to stand in the middle of the yard. “You don’t even know what she’s having. You don’t know what her number one craving was during the entire pregnancy. You don’t know how much she cried… How much she still cries over you… You don’t know anything and now you just decide to come back six months later? You’re a little too late, Seungmin.”

“Why…? Why am I late?” It was a question that Changbin hadn’t been expecting, but Seungmin needed answers, he needed any and every answer he could get right now. “Are you two… Together? Is that what happened? Is that what this is? Huh?!” His voice was gradually growing louder, and Changbins hand shot out to cover Seungmins mouth, much to the younger man's surprise.

“See, that’s your problem. Even now, you just can’t let it go.” Even though his voice sounded calm, his physical demeanor showed just how stressed, just how angry he was. “You’re like my brother, I’d never do something like that to you… And she’s literally like my sister… I love her and I care about her… And I care about the baby… Which is why I can’t let you in right now. She’s not doing well, and she can’t handle the stress.”

As if on queue, dark clouds rolled in across the sky, completely blocking the sun as the rain started to come down. It didn’t even start as a drizzle, it went from clear skies to a complete downpour in an instant. “What do you mean she’s not doing well? Just… tell me that much… Please… Is she going to be okay? Will the baby be okay?”

“I wish you cared this much six months ago…” Changbin muttered, running his hand through his rain soaked hair as he sighed heavily. “I have to make her lunch… I’ll tell you about it later, I’ll call you.” And it wasn’t like he was being given any other options, his only choice was to go back home and wait for Changbins call. He just had one more question.

“Hyung…” Seungmin called out as Changbin walked up the stairs, causing him to stop at the center of the porch, not even turning around. “Is it a girl or a boy…?”

“It’s a boy…” Changbin answered softly, the answer being carried to Seungmin through the wind that whipped around him from the storm. He said nothing else as he went back inside, leaving Seungmin to stand alone in the center of the yard.

A son. He had always wanted a boy, he had talked about it with you before during one of your late night conversations when the two of you were barely even conscious, but his mind had run wild with dreams of the future, of holding his son for the first time, teaching his boy to play baseball in the park and taking him to baseball games to cheer for his favorite team. Now those dreams were as dark and hazy as the clouds that hung above him. All he could do now was wait, wait for a call, wait for an answer… Wait for you just as you had been waiting for him.

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illegal-spiegel · 1 year

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Right Out of a Fairyjail

Pairing: Osamu Dazai x gn!reader

Genre: angst? fluff? idek man

Warnings: mentions of death

Summary: You meet Dazai in jail and are instantly annoyed by him. Why is he so dramatic? Will he ever shut up? Why is he so nosey?

WC: 1.5k words

A/N: lol I wrote this for a friend's OC and just changed the name. So sorry if you find any errors and if Dazai is OOC </3 also get the title? like fairyTALE lol-

"Whatcha in for?"

You look up from your nails that you were picking at to look at who spoke. Across from you sat a man with bandages wrapped around his arms and neck.

You raise a single brow in question, trying to decipher if he was indeed talking to you or not. He’s currently staring you down, so he must be, but why would he be asking you such a personal question?

“What, cat got your tongue? I know, I know. I’m quite the looker. I’m going to have to ask you to please refrain from falling in love with me though. I already have quite the trail of broken hearts I’ve left behind and I’d hate to add another to the path,” he says dramatically, placing a hand on his chest and faking solemn.

You do nothing but snort before looking right back down at your hand, using your thumb to scrape out dirt from underneath the middle finger’s nail. “Why are you laughing?” No response. “Am I really so good-looking that the cat has *actually stolen your tongue?” You don’t look up this time. “Oh, I see. You must be mute. Clearly, you aren’t deaf since you looked up when I first spoke.” What is *with this guy? “Was it some terrible, horrible, grotesque accident or were you just born that way?” he continues to pry. You’re honestly flabbergasted by how rude and disrespectful this guy is. He has no shame.

You sigh and drop your hands into your lap, looking through both of your and his cells’ bars to look into his face. “Are you always this charming or am I just receiving special treatment?” you ask sarcastically, giving him a blank look.

“Fuck!” he suddenly screams, genuinely looking panicked and honestly freaking you out a bit. “I’m being charming! Shit! Well, there goes your poor little heart. I’m so sorry. I was trying to warn you and was doing my best to be ugly, but with a face like this, I guess it’s just impossible,” he pretends to cry, wiping at his dry eyes and shaking his head as if he’s ridden with guilt.

You continue to stare at him, expression completely blank and yet another sigh leaving you. You’re already dreading the whole process of being arrested and having to get out of here, but this guy is making it that much worse.

When you don’t respond, he opens his eyes and raises his head to see what your reaction is. Finding you completely unamused, he blows a raspberry as he leans against his bars. “You’re no fun,” he whines, pouting at you.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize I came to jail to have fun,” you sassily remark, rolling your eyes.

“What? That’s the only reason I came! Are you saying jail *isn’t fun?” he shrieks, trying to shake the bars. He then presses his face to the bars and looks left and right, finding an officer standing guard not too far away. “You *lied to me? After all this time? I thought…I thought what we had was special!” he screams, pretending to sob.

“Shut it, Dazai,” the officer gripes, seeming just as annoyed with him as you.

“Officer Foster, you wound me,” he pretends to cry, pouting at the man and again wiping at his completely dry face.

“Have you ever done theater?” you suddenly ask, standing up yourself and walking to your cell’s bars too. His attention turns back to you and he raises a brow.

“What? No. Why?” he asks, seemingly to be genuinely confused.

You can’t help but snort. He’s so dramatic and actually a pretty good actor, yet he didn’t get those skills from something as basic as acting in a school play. Interesting. “No reason.”

“Hm. Well, you still haven’t answered my question.”

“Which was…?”

“Whatcha in for?” he repeats from before, his brown eyes seeming to glint in the dim lighting.

“Oh, forgive me. I can’t believe I forgot to tell you, a complete and total stranger, such information,” you say sarcastically, pretending to be ashamed.

He grins at you. “It’s okay! No hard feelings! All is forgiven!” he teases, smirking at you. You drop the act and gives him a bored look.

“I really don’t see how it’s any of your business,” you respond, crossing your arms over your chest.

“What if I go first? Will you tell me then?” he offers, leaning closer to you in his cage.

“Why so interested?” you counters, tilting your head.

“No particular reason. I may or may not have been here a few times and yet this is the first I’ve seen such a pretty specimen like yourself locked up in the joint. Plenty of big, scary men with tattoos and mustaches, but no dainty cuties like yourself. Color me curious,” he explains, that ever-present smirk back.

“Did you just call me a specimen?” you ask, squinting your eyes at him.

“Anyway, I digress,” he ignores, “So, we got a deal or what?”

“Sure, whatever,” you grumble, pressing your temple to the cool metal of the bar as you watch him.

“Excellent!” he shouts, cheering and jumping like he just won the lottery. He then suddenly grows serious as he tightly grips the bars, his expression suddenly grim. “I murdered a man.”

Your brows furrow but other than that, you don’t react. Dazai’s brow raises just a hair as he leans impossibly closer to the bars, waiting for some big reaction that’s not coming. After a pregnant silence, he lets out a groan and throws his head back. “You really aren’t any fun at all! That normally always gets people! They either freak out and become scared of me, or they suddenly act like we’re brothers from another mother and ask me for details.” You just continue to stare, clearly unimpressed with him. You knew he was lying.

He blows a raspberry as he’s trying to get brown hair out of his face, his lips pouty. When that fails, his head whips to the side to get the hair out of his eyes only for it to return right back where it was after a few short moments. “Okay. Truth is, I *almost killed a guy. Kinda. It’s a long story. All you need to know is that he deserved it and I’m an innocent man!” he states dramatically, returning to trying to shake the bars.

You give a disbelieving hum as you nod your head, turning to walk back to your seat. “Right, of course you are,” you pretend to agree, nodding your head.

“Well? What’s your story? Why are you in the slammer?”

You stop right in front of the bench that you were sitting on previously, staring down at it and looking at all the carvings on it. “Still don’t see how that’s any of your business,” you respond sassily, turning to take your seat once more. He starts whining. Typical.

“C’mon! Don’t be such a sourpuss! I told you why I’m here! It’s only fair you share as well!” he continues to whine and shout.

“I never asked you to share,” you reason, smirking at him. He opens his mouth a few times and closes it, pondering your words.

“But you agreed to it!” he argues.

“Did we shake on it?”

“No, but-”

“Did you make me swear to it?”

“Well, no. But-”

“Did you make me do the very serious pinky promise?”

“Would you stop that? I’m being serious here!” he cries, pouting at you. You chuckle and crosses one leg over the other, giving him a once-over. Maybe he isn’t so bad after all. He’s very entertaining.

“Fine. I’ll tell you,” you agree, watching him perk up. He then stares at you, excitement and intrigue written all over his face. Your smirk only grows when you don’t continue after that, watching his face slowly fall and impatience start settling in.

“Gah! C’mon! Out with it! I’m dying here! I gotta know!”

You hum as you lean back against the concrete wall, crossing your arms over your chest. “I killed a man…” you admit softly for only him, and possibly other inmates, to hear. Wow, that felt good to get off your chest. You might as well confess your sins to someone who you’ll never see again.

You watch Dazai, waiting for a reaction just as he had done earlier. His expression falls and in its place confusion takes place, trying to figure out if you are joking or not much like he was earlier. You stare at each other for a long moment, trying to figure out what the other is thinking.

Before either of you could say anything more though, the guard from before is walking over to your cell. “Alright, we can’t hold you any longer. You’re free to go…” You hum and stand up, dusting yourself off as you walk towards the door.

Once it’s unlocked and screeching loudly on its hinges as it opens up, you walk out and pause in the hallway. You look into Dazai’s cell, finding that his eyes had never left you. “Maybe we’ll see each other again. You said you come here on occasion, no?” you tease, smirking at him. And with that, you start walking away.

“Wait!” You pause, turning to look over your shoulder at him. “Can I at least know your name?” You smile at this, facing forward again.

“(Y/n),” you state simply before continuing to walk without learning his name in return. It’d be best if he never saw you again.

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

MASTERLIST

More with Dazai

Join my discord server (I also have an 18+ one that is personal invite only. If you want access to that DM me!): https://discord.gg/qnDxJ6rr67

Tag List: @nojamsss03, @katsuhera ✦ if you would like to be added or removed, comment or send an ask. Also, remember to tell me if you ever change your username so I can continue to tag you :)

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

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kaminocasey · 1 year

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One More Hour Epilogue

Summary: Five years after the Clone Wars, you and Dogma live your best lives.

Pairing: Dogma x f!reader

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI; Smut, Unprotected sex between spouses, breeding kink?, oral (f receiving), slight angst in the beginning?, Order 66 for only a second

WC: 1.7K

A/N: Well, it's almost been a year BUT I promised a happy ending didn't I? Poor Dogma <3

TAGLIST FORM │Clone Wars Masterlist

Part 4

Five years after the Clone Wars

“Execute Order 66.” A sinister voice rings through Dogma’s head.

No, Dogma thinks, this isn’t right. This isn’t who he is. He looks up at General Skywalker, who’s eyes seemed darker, but not in color. No, in color, they’re a yellow tint now. The intention in his general’s eyes is dark, like he’s no longer himself. Like he’s something else entirely.

He thinks he’s in the Jedi temple. A place he’s never been, but would know no matter what, the ancient feeling unmistakable.

“General, I don’t understand-” Dogma looks up but he no longer sees his general. He only sees his vod shooting down the Jedi, his own blaster raised.

Out of fear and confusion, he drops his blaster. This isn’t right. This isn’t right. This isn’t-

“Dogma?” Your voice cuts through his thoughts, clear as day.

When Dogma looks up at you, all time seems to slow down. What are you doing here in the temple? Do you not see the dead Jedi around you? Why aren’t you afraid?

“Dogma?” You say again, starting to reach for him.

When he goes to reach for you, Fives and Tup hold him back.

That can’t be right… they’re both gone…

“Let go of me.” Dogma pleads with his vod as he struggles to get out of their grip, his wrists and shoulders both immediately sore.

He watches Jesse raise his blaster to you, in horror.

“Jesse, no! PLEASE!” Dogma cries out, tears running down his face. “CYARE, RUN.”

He watches in horror as Jesse’s blaster fires in your direction.

Dogma wakes with a start, his breathing heavy and ragged. He immediately remembers his dream and looks over at your sleeping form. You’re fine. You’re okay. He’s fine. He’s okay.

When he finally gets his heart rate back down, he lays next to you again, pulling you against him. As if you could sense his anxiety, you pull his hand up to your lips, kissing him softly. He can’t help but smile as he kisses your neck.

You hum softly, stirring more. “You alright?”

“Perfect.” He half lies, burying his face in your neck and breathing you in, immediately feeling soothed.

You wiggle up against him with a mischievous smirk and he groans softly, letting out a breathless chuckle.

“The kids will be up soon.” He murmurs, his voice still low and sleepy as he peppers your neck with kisses.

“I know.” You sigh.

“Guess I better be quick then, hm?” He pulls you over on your back and crushes his lips to yours, his hand sliding across your stomach to grip your hip.

Five years, two kids, one tooka, and a house later, he never imagined he could be so happy, but Dogma wouldn’t give this life up for anything.

A soft giggle escapes your lips as he moves down your body, watching him yank your sleep shorts down as he simultaneously pushes the blankets away from your bodies. The need for him takes over as you spread your legs eagerly for your husband.

“That’s right, cyare. You know just what to do, don’t you?” He grins up at you.

You nod, appreciating the praise, as he places a soft kiss on your thigh, pushing them a little further apart as he takes in the sight of your already wet warmth. The soft needy sigh that leaves your husband’s lips is enough to go straight to your core.

“Dogma, please…” You murmur, not being able to wait any longer.

While your husband had had a nightmare, you’d been having the sweetest dream that involved him and his mouth. It had been a while since you’d had a dream this intense that caused you to wake up, soaked.

“So eager. Already so wet for me.” He finally licks a stripe up your eager warmth and you let out a breathy whimper, the sound going straight to his length, making him grind against the bed.

“Was having a good dream… about you.” You sigh as he teases your folds.

“I can tell.” Dogma pushes your shirt up, revealing your stomach, always loving how soft you are… how soft your skin is…

After your second child, you had become more modest, more uneasy, about being naked around him. He had told you that he found you just as beautiful as you were before your kids, and possibly even more so. With the way that he holds you, touches you, admires you, watches you… you know he was telling the truth.

Pulling your shirt up over your breasts, he groans at the sight of you, splayed out for him. All for him.

He pulls away from your warmth and kisses your bare stomach. “Maker, you’re so fucking beautiful. Have I told you that lately?”

“Only every day.” You grin, running your fingers through his now grown out hair.

“Not enough.” He makes his way to your breasts, sucking a nipple into his mouth as his fingers find their way to your clit.

The gasp you let out makes his cock twitch against your leg and you reach down, wrapping your hand around it, needing to feel more of him.

“How’d I get so lucky?” He sighs softly as you grind down against his fingers. He notices right away. “Need more, cyar’ika? All you have to do is ask.”

“P-please.” You look up into his lust blown brown eyes.

He kisses you once more before making his way back down your body again, settling between your legs. Without another word, he pushes your thighs up and back, putting your pretty warmth on display for him. The lust for you takes over and his mouth latches to your pussy, unable to hold back his groan as he grips your thighs tightly. The taste of you is enough to make him cum right then and there.

“F-fuck, Dogma.” Your hands fly to his hair, gripping tightly, making him hum at the feeling. “Right there, baby.”

He groans again at your directioning, pulling you even closer to his hot mouth. If you weren’t dripping before, you definitely are now as he continues fucking you with his tongue.

It’s something that Dogma never, thankfully, forgot. How to eat you out like a man starved. He was so confident in the way he tasted you, the way he brought you to tears from coming undone above him, nearly bringing you to the Maker itself. “Oh, fuck… baby, right there. P-please.” You plead as the hot feeling pools into your lower half, threatening to snap as you writhe under him.

He smirks to himself, knowing how close you are, before pulling away.

“Dogma…” You look down at him with wide eyes, about to beg him to let you finish, when he hops up on his knees, and pushes into you with no resistance, making both of you groan quietly.

“F-fuck… yes… please.” You wrap your legs around his waist as he starts thrusting into you.

“You need it that bad, huh?” He rambles, his fingers finding your clit again. “Haven’t fucked my pretty little wife in a few days. You need your riduur’s cock, don’t you, cyare?”

It’s almost rhetorical, you can barely get any words out, only pleading and begging for your husband’s cum.

“Gonna fill you up so fucking full.” He promises, falling forward, burying his face in your neck. “Wanna fill you up with my seed.”

“O-oh.” You whimper, clenching around his cock, making his hips stutter slightly.

“Tell me. Tell me you want me to fill you up.” He whispers, his voice low with need and lust.

“Dogma, please.” You wrap your arms around him, sliding your hands up his neck into his hair. “Want you… to fill me up. Need your cum. Please.”

As if that’s all he needed to hear, something inside him snaps. He almost feels bad because he wanted to make you cum first.

“Oh fuck-” You feel him empty himself into you, painting your walls with his hot cum, making you clench around him, wanting him to give you as much of himself as he can.

He pulls one of the pillows down underneath your lower back for support, and for another reason that you’re perfectly fine with, then starts fucking you harder, fucking his cum into you more.

It was how you got pregnant with your second child. The two of you had been talking about trying for a third and now seems as good a time as any.

“Maker, you’re so beautiful…” He praises you, smiling down at you as you feel yourself about to be thrown over your edge any second. “So fucking good for me… taking me so perfectly…”

You whine softly, writhing on his cock and he continues smirking down at you. You’ll never get over how perfectly Dogma fucks you.

“I know, cyare, I know… You’re doing so good. I can feel your cunt pulsing around my cock.” He continues rambling praises as the wet sounds of his cock thrusts relentlessly into you.

You start to get a little loud so Dogma takes his free hand that was just gripping your hip and covers your mouth.

“Shhh pretty girl, gotta be quiet.” He winks and you feel your whole galaxy shatter inside of you as you cum, trying to remain as quiet around his hand as possible.

The shaking around him eventually stops and he collapses over you, kissing your neck, continuing his praises, telling you how good you did, how beautiful he thinks you are, and how much he loves you.

“Shower?” He eventually offers, quietly in your ear.

You nod, sleepily, knowing that you’d eventually have to get the kids up and ready for school.

“You want a bubble bath and then I’ll get the kids ready for school?” He offers.

“Careful, I’ll cum again.” You tease, making him chuckle.

“Alright. Let me draw you a bath, mesh’la and then I’ll start the caf.” He kisses you before getting up.

“Yep. Just came.” You whisper shout to him as he disappears in the fresher.

You can hear his laughter as he starts the bathtub and you sit there thinking you’re somehow even more in love with this man than the day before and even the day before that.

TAGS: @twistedstitcher27 @misogirl828 @rebel-finn @rexandechosandwich @madameminor @dumfanting @rain-on-kamino @corona-one @tecker @ladykatakuri @brynhildrmimi @the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond @zoeykallus @maulslittlemeowmeow @littlemousedroid @arctrooper69 @rexxdjarin @agenteliix @padawancat97 @hated-by-me @sleepingsun501 @quigonswife8 @idlenesses @redheadgirl @themcuwriter @ashotofspotchka @sunshinesdaydream @crosshairsimp73 @ariadnes-red-thread @rosmariner @heyitsaloy @starstofillmydream @high-ct5555 @echos-girlfriend @sleepywych @nekotaetae @justanothersadperson93 @brownstalebread @aconstructofamind @book-of-baba-fett @chopper-base @palliateclaw @501st-rexster @dead-poolz @nahoney22 @where-is-my-mind-tho @jediknightjana @erishimoon @witching3 @queen-of-many-fandoms

#tcw dogma #tcw dogma x reader #tcw dogma x you

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octolingkiera · 5 months

Note

5, 15, 16, 29

hi!! thanks for your ask!! :3

(the list)

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

so on the one hand, my danny phantom fics always get a lot of attention and it always leaves me a little surprised, but on the other hand, that fandom is very fic focused, so at the same time it Doesn't really surprise me when i get a lot of kudos for them. what surprises me more is how much other fandoms DON'T comment or bookmark or follow fics lol. i was seriously spoiled with those lol

as for a fic that's gotten more feedback, uhhhh hm. a couple of my dp fics have done better than i thought they would, yeah, but i also have this bleach fic that's in second person that seems to have come across really well, so i guess that one's the most surprising lol

aftershocks has done really well, but that's not surprising considering the talent that went into it, the fact we updated every week, and the word count, but it still baffled me as we were updating it how well it was doing lol

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

definitely my rottmnt separated au (chapter 1 is posted on ao3 as sunset hues, jetpack blues (SHJB)) lol. ive been putting a lot of effort into it, more than i give most of my fics, tho i'm realizing now as i'm working more on planning i may have jumped the gun a bit and posted it a biiit early?? but also i wanted to post it on my birthday so i'm not so concerned about that kdshbfhdsf

when i post chapter 2 (which is basically done except for the final revision i need to give it), i'm gonna reread chapter 1 as well and make sure it's up to date with the minor stuff i left out bc i hadn't nailed down some specifics yet (but dw, it'll be Very minor and won't effect the plot lol)

besides that, i have oneshot prompts i wanna fill out and i have a fic in the works i'm calling Fallout, which is inspired by fall out boy songs (which ive been thinking about since like february/march when "love from the other side" dropped lol)

i also lowkey wanna try to get a fic done for danny phantom's 20th anniversary in april but idk how that's gonna go lol. i'm still very focused on ninja turtles

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

of my 54 works on ao3 Fluff seems to be my most used tag with 10 times, which is. lowkey a surprise LOL. Hurt/Comfort comes in second with 7 (tied with "not beta read" and a tag for a danny phantom fic event) and Angst is in third with 6 (barring the two that i'm not counting lol)

going by just my rise fics, first place tag goes to Donatello and Leonardo are Twins (TMNT) with 6 of my 8 fics (ao3 says 9, but one of them is aftershocks, which i won't include bc it's a collab) and only reason it's not all 8 is bc i didn't tag it in fics where it's not a main focus lol

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

hmmmm let's see.... okay what have i written this year....

oh god that's a lot more than i thought, uhhhh

i have a lot of stuff i Really enjoyed tbh. there's a fun little action sequence i wrote for a later part of SHJB that i liked (that i'll prolly have to rework a little), there's a few Other parts of my prewritten SHJB stuff i enjoy, there's a bunch of stuff in my rise august fills i really liked...

but i think for a single line/passage, i'll go with this bit from the beginning of my fic what's in a name? (which is also posted here on tumblr!!)

Donnie, not bothering to look up from his phone, flaps a hand in the air dismissively. “I keep all my anger bottled up in here,” he taps his chest, “and hope one day it will just kill me. Like a normal person,” he adds, as if what he just described is unequivocally a universal experience.

this entire piece was a lot of fun to write and there's some more silly lines in this i really enjoyed but i think this is the one i think about the most, like the exchange directly after this lol

Leo purses his lips and steeples his hands, holding this fingers to his mouth. “So that’s a yes to the mad, then.” “Or it could be, like, the coo-coo for cocoa puffs type of mad!” Mikey chimes in, crossing his eyes and swirling a finger beside his ear. “Y’know, like British people say.” “Ew,” Leo says, because that’s all that needs to be said about that.

and this line a little bit down from that

Raph’s next exhale is heavy, the burden of Atlas in his eternal torment. “Pizza Supreme, I wish.”

thanks again for your ask!!! these were a lot of fun to answer. i love talking about my writing dfjghbdfg get me started and i'll never shut up lol

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thunderpetal · 2 years

Note

1, 2, 23, 49, 50 <3

Hii casey!

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

Hm, probably Walking The Same Path. It has wind and wild bonding. It has transgenderism. It has a little dash of botw zelink on top. It's a good introduction to my brainrot

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

My top 5 tags are: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Wild-centric, and Post-King's Tide. Yeahh these are pretty accurate. I have my fluffy fics but I do love putting in that good bit of angst on top to make the fluff feel more deserved. I didn't realise Wild was so prominent in my fics though - every LU fic of mine bar one is him centric lmao

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

OOH. I'm really not sure. I guess a timeloop fic is something I've never written but would like to, hence why I have one in the works. But I haven't actually written it yet so it counts for this question.

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

Currently we are in the trenches of SWSHBTS, my long ass owl house fic, as I have four chapters left to upload before oct 15th HELP. A few lines from chapter 12:

“A few months ago, all I cared about was joining the Emperor’s Coven. And, well, that’s obviously not a thing anymore. Like you, I want to see that the Isles are okay, but after that? I have no solid plan.” Amity breathes out. “I guess I don’t care what it is that I do, as long as it’s with the people I love.”

“The people you love…” Hunter repeats thoughtfully. “That sounds nice.”

“Looks like you’ve found those people too,” Amity gently tells him. “People who won’t make you feel worthless.”

“Oh-” It’s hard to see in the night, but Amity swears she can see a bit of a blush on Hunter’s ears. “Yeah, I, uh… yeah. I have.”

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about!

Thanks for sending this again <3 going to unofficially answer no. 37 and promote my wind & time Sunset fic, As Time Passes, which is very underrated but still my fav work. It is also no longer canon compliant, which just makes it more fun! Here's a link

#jay writes #asks

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sugarybitterness · 2 years

Text

finally found - natasha romanoff x daughter!reader

from this request | series masterlist

platonic peter x yelena x kate x reader & a hint of romantic wanda x reader ~

word count; 4983 (hfs my longest one shot to date)

warnings; implies alcohol abuse, abuse in general, mention of car accident & death.. some angst but happy ending

mega thank you to @wandaschaosmagic for helping me beta this!! <3

a/n; i was so excited for this request heheh:] also i’ve aged down peter, wanda, yelena and kate to be 15, the same age as reader! very non canon compliant but it is set in the mcu universe :D also don’t ask me how yelena and r are the same age but lena calls tasha “sestra” because i have no clue how to explain their backstory and im way too lazy to figure it all out. and yes peter is r’s best friend but i’m a fucking simp for wanda so .. hope y’all enjoy weehuu<3 feedback is greatly appreciated for this!!

“and so she did this insane move! like i don’t think i’ve ever seen anyone except miss romanoff pull off something like that. i don’t even know how she knows how to do it!” peter babbles on excitedly as he and the other teens on the team settles around the kitchen island to do their homework.

“he’s not joking sestra. i saw it with my own eyes, for a moment i thought i was looking at a mini you.” yelena chuckles as she breezed through the math homework in front of her. honestly, yelena being in school at this point was just for legality, the blonde assassin was extremely smart.

natasha just hums in response as she types away on her own computer, doing up some paperwork.

“would we be able to invite her over?” wanda asks, her eyes shining with excitement.

“ugh as if we don’t have to deal with you pining over her in school, we have to see it here too?” yelena huffs as she completes the last bit of her math homework, snapping the binder shut.

“i mean, if it’s okay with the adults we could maybe have a sleepover here?” peter wonders out loud, his gaze landing on the only adult in the kitchen. as if they timed it, peter and wanda turns to stare at yelena who just groans in annoyance.

“sestra,” yelena calls out, rolling her eyes when natasha doesn’t even bother looking up from her work. “sestra, i have an important question can you please pay me some attention?”

at that, natasha sighs softly before turning her gaze away from her computer.

“what is it lena?”

“can y/n come over for a sleepover? she’s my friend from school, peter’s best friend and wanda’s crush all rolled into one.” yelena supplies helpfully, ignoring the sokovian’s offended “hey!”

“i’m going to need a little more information than that lena.” natasha raises an eyebrow at her sister who sighs dramatically, turning to look at peter. he looks at yelena for a moment, slightly confused, until he finally understood what she wanted him to do.

“oh! er, her name is y/n.. y/n y/l/n. she was adopted as baby after being left outside an orphanage in queens. she turns 15 in december this year. she never knew who her parents were but she did those dna tests thing once and it said she’s half russian and half american, though weirdly enough the site didn’t give out any other information. she.. hm, she actually looks a lot like you ms romanoff- very red hair, green eyes. she seems really scary at first too! but is actually really soft and sweet.” peter rambles on and as soon as he realised he probably said a little too much, he laughs awkwardly before slumping down in his seat.

natasha simply shakes her head, and all the teens deflate a little before she replies, “alright i guess she can come. just her, you three and kate?”

the three teens erupts into cheers, peter pulling out his phone to text y/n while yelena goes ahead to text kate.

“thank you tasha.” wanda hops down from her seat and goes to wrap the redhead in a hug. allowing a rare moment of softness, natasha drops a swift kiss on the top of wanda’s head.

she wouldn’t admit it to anyone but these three kids (plus kate) were one of her biggest soft spots. love is for children, her brain tried to scream at her. but natasha knew better.

love makes people stronger. strong enough to leave them behind, when it’s safer than the alternative. natasha quickly pushed away those thoughts, she didn’t want to dream about what could’ve been, not tonight.

as natasha finishes up the last of her work for the night, there’s a light knocking on the door.

“come in.” natasha calls out as she powers off her computer.

“hey sestra,” yelena greets natasha, smiling brightly when the older girl opens up her arms for yelena to burrow into. the two sisters stay like that for a moment, relishing in the fact that they’re both here, they still have each other and they’re safe.

the silence is soon broken by yelena, who remembers why she came by in the first place.

“sestra, i’m here to talk about y/n.”

tilting her head curiously, natasha prompts yelena to continue.

“it’s nothing bad but.. remember the story you told me? about the little girl you had after one of your missions before the graduation ceremony?” yelena grimaces slightly when she feels natasha stiffen, the redhead attempting to pull out of the hug, but yelena stops her.

“i’ve seen y/n, and she.. she looks almost exactly like you. i swear it’s like looking at a carbon copy! and after the information peter shared, i’m just wondering.. what if it’s her?” yelena continues on, her grip on natasha finally loosening, so that she could look up at the redhead.

“way too many babies are left at orphanages lena, you know this. yes there might be some similarities but i highly doubt that peter’s best friend could be her.” natasha states firmly with a shake of her head. “can we not talk about this anymore? you should go to bed, you have school tomorrow.”

yelena opens her mouth to say something but, ultimately decides against it. leaning up, she places a soft kiss on natasha’s cheek, wishing her a goodnight before heading back to her own room.

that night, natasha dreams of a little girl. a little girl who looks like her, fights like her and she sees the life that she wished she could’ve provided for her.

but the red room was never a good place to grow up in.

“why’d you leave me mama?” was the haunting cry that jolts natasha awake.

i wish i didn’t. but i had no other choice.

natasha smiles to herself when she hears the telltale chatter of the teens who just got home from school. her ears picks up a fifth voice- which should be y/n.

setting down the last plate of food, natasha turns to greet the group of teens. her heart leaps to her throat and she has to force herself to school her features.

she sees what yelena means when you look exactly like her, heck even your laugh sounds similar to hers. her eyes zero in on what looks like a heart shaped birthmark on your collarbone, and her breath hitches.

“sestra?” “tasha?” “miss romanoff?” the overlap of voices shakes natasha out of her trance.

“yes-“ natasha clears her throat, wincing internally at how shaky her voice sounded. “yes, hello. uh, i’m natasha.”

you stand slightly behind peter, eyes widening at the sight of the natasha romanoff standing in front of you. a slight nudge in your ribs from yelena startles you and you’re quick to introduce yourself.

“you made mac and cheese?” yelena lights up, grabbing your arm to pull you towards the table. the russian assassin doesn’t miss the slight expression of pain that flits across your face before it was quickly gone, replaced with an excited smile to match the blonde’s energy.

“tasha’s mac and cheese is the best.” wanda comments happily, sliding into the seat next to you, all while peter grumbles about his best friend being stolen away.

“do you kids want anything to drink?” natasha turns around to busy herself with grabbing the glasses, missing the confused glances the kids (except you) shared amongst each other. sure, natasha would cook for them almost everyday, but she always stressed about them getting their own drinks. even when ned and mj were invited over, she was a stickler for that rule.

the rest of them rattled off their preferences, but natasha calls out your name when she didn’t hear you give an answer.

“i’m fine with anything miss romanoff.” you answer politely, your fingers fiddling nervously in your lap.

“you okay if i get you tea, like wanda?”

“that’s fine, but uh- actually never mind it’s fine.” you bite your lip nervously hoping natasha didn’t hear your slip up. but she was a trained spy after all.

“do you want it iced?” natasha probes, turning around to set down everyone else’s drinks before she settles her gaze on you. you blink at her, but nod your head slowly.

she sends you a soft smile, replying, “i like my tea iced too.”

this puzzling behaviour continues on for the rest of the day. for once, natasha wasn’t glued to her computer doing her work but she seems to be constantly hovering, making sure everyone (especially you) were comfortable and okay.

it was even harder for her to retire to her room for the night, knowing that joining in on the sleepover would just be weird. but she did manage to ask you about your favourite foods sometime during the afternoon, so she gets up early the next morning to go for her run before taking over the kitchen. even though saturdays were sam’s day to cook for the team, he was shooed away so that natasha could work undisturbed.

unfortunately for the teenagers, they still had to partake in training today, so they were all up and in the kitchen by 8am, which was where they found natasha packing up their foods into containers for them to have after their run. they also noticed that she had left out two plates, peter recognising it as your favourite dish.

“thank you for having me over, i know the rest of them having training today so i’ll just head home..” your train of thought cut off when you realised that there was food at the table and a very nervous russian assassin looking at you.

“is, uh, is this for me..?” you glance at peter with wide eyes, surprised at the fact that natasha had not only made you breakfast, but it was also your favourite.

“yes, but if you have other plans already it’s fine!” natasha replies nervously, her hands fiddling anxiously under the table.

a part of her really didn’t want you to leave. but what was she supposed to do? she couldn’t exactly tell you “hey i’m your mother, i abandoned you almost 15 years ago and i’m sorry but it was either that or have you be experimented on by the red room. oh and i don’t know who your dad is either.”

technically, she could but it just didn’t seem right to dump all that on you. especially when you seem to be doing alright now, without her. like you probably have been for your whole life.

“i’m okay with staying, thank you so much for cooking miss romanoff.” you smile shyly at the avenger in thanks. natasha smiles back in return before turning to the other 4 teens.

“alright, do the 4 of you have your fruits and shakes? good, remember to eat them before running, but don’t eat too much. 5 mile run for peter and yelena, 3 mile run for wanda and kate. come back for breakfast and homework before the rest of your training.” natasha instructs everyone, ignoring their groans of protest as she shoos them away. you giggle softly before hugging everyone goodbye, even leaving a soft kiss on wanda’s cheek, causing the sokovian to blush.

soon, it was just you and natasha left in the kitchen. she ushers you to sit at the table and you comply, answering her when she asks if you want a smoothie to go with your food.

despite both of your nerves, conversation flows easy. you don’t seem to find natasha’s questions odd, if anything it feels nice to have someone ask after you. you end up staying until the afternoon, doing your work with the rest before you eventually leave when they have to go for their individual training.

the next few weeks you came by to the tower almost every weekday. it had been natasha’s idea and while everyone was slightly confused, yelena had simply went along with it, a knowing glint in her eyes.

it felt good, the last few years had been rough for you and you often dreaded heading home after school ended. but now you would hitch a ride with everyone to go to the avengers tower after school and then get a ride back home with peter.

you found yourself getting closer to natasha as well, the russian could always be found where you were. it was confusing for you, to seemingly be the centre of natasha’s attention, but it felt almost natural.

one night would soon change everything.

wanda groans quietly when she hears her phone ring, blindly reaching out for it, she accepts the call and puts it to her ear.

“hello?” wanda mumbles sleepily, yawning as she waits for a reply.

“wanda?” your trembling voice immediately shocks all the sleep out of wanda’s system.

“y/n/n? milaya? what’s wrong are you okay?” wanda sits up in bed quickly, her free hand flicking to turn on the lamp on her side table.

“i’m sorry, i-“ your words are cut off by a shuddering sob. “i didn’t have anyone else to call. peter is on a mission and i, please i need to get out of here-“

“where the fuck did you go you bitch?!” a loud male voice makes both you and wanda jump. you whimper quietly and wanda is quick to rush out of her room to head to natasha’s all while telling you stay on the line.

she bangs impatiently on the door as she tries her best to reassure you over the phone. the door swings open to reveal an irate natasha but wanda is quick to explain the sitaution.

soon, the duo are in the car while wanda continues to try and calm you. thankfully, wanda remembers your address from the few times she went over after school. with natasha as the driver, the supposed 40 minute drive becomes 20.

the car pulls up to an apartment building and the two run up the stairs. the door to the apartment was slightly open and there was drunken shouting coming from inside.

“come out come out wherever you are~ it’s okay, dada just wants to play!” the drunk man laughs obnoxiously as he tries to look for you. slipping in quietly, natasha is quick to knock him out and wanda hurries to your room, finding you in your locked closet. wanda knocks gently, “y/n? it’s wanda. can you open the door milaya? i promise it’s safe now.”

the door unlocks and she opens it to reveal you curled up on the ground, clutching a blanket and a stuffed animal. wanda lets out a soft gasp at your state, a bruise was forming on your cheek, arms littered with more bruises but the most angering thing was the handprint mark around your neck. in your worn out state, you just sit there, sobbing silently as wanda quickly shakes herself out of her shock.

“milaya, y/n.. can i touch you?” wanda’s speaks softly, doing her best not to startle you. you nod weakly and wanda scoops you up, one arm hooking under your legs and another around your body. you drop your things onto your body, forcing yourself to move your own arms to loop around her, burying your face into her neck as you sob in relief.

“thank you.” you mumble out and wanda presses a soft kiss to the top of your head.

she carries you out carefully, not missing how natasha’s eyes flashed with anger when the older woman sees your state.

natasha gives one firm kick the unconscious man before they both walk back downstairs. natasha starts up the car and wanda sits in the back with you. you curl up on her lap, refusing to move and natasha doesn’t bat an eye as she drives back to the tower.

sometime on the drive back, you had fallen asleep, the day’s events catching up to you. wanda wonders how she never noticed the signs, and if peter had known about your father’s abuse at all. natasha’s heart felt heavy with guilt, her eyes constantly looking at your limp body in the rearview mirror. she catches a sight of a red blanket and she has to force the tears away.

she can’t believe you still kept it.

you groan softly when you feel pain throughout your body. you shuffle around a bit and tense when you don’t recognise the sheets you are on. the events of the previous night slowly come back to you, how you had tried to call peter but then remembered how he was on a practise mission with tony stark and steve rogers. the next person you had thought of was wanda, so you called her. you recall hiding in the closet, praying and hoping that he wouldn’t find you in his drunken haze. suddenly the shouting had ceased and wanda was in your room. she had carried you out, to a car.. that natasha drove?

taking a deep breath, you slowly open your eyes. you blink wearily as you look around the dark room. you sit up slowly, grimacing at the pain that shoots through your body. you hesitate for a while before calling out for FRIDAY.

“good afternoon miss y/n. do you need me to go get miss maximoff or miss romanoff?”

you reply with a yes and as an afterhtought, ask for FRIDAY to brighten up the light in the room.

there’s a series of knocks on the door and you call for them to come in, smiling softly at wanda and natasha as they step inside.

“thank you for coming to get me last night. i’m sorry i had to trouble you.” you fiddle with the blanket in your lap nervously, the same one that you had been holding onto since wanda found you the night before.

“it’s alright, but.. we do have to talk about it.” natasha moves to sit on the edge of the bed while wanda opts to sit next to you. you shift closer to her and sigh contentedly when her arms wrap around you.

“y/n..” natasha starts and you try to look at anywhere but her, chewing on your bottom lip nervously. “y/n, how long has this been going on for?”

“emotionally and verbally? years. but the physical abuse only started last year .” you hear harsh intake of breath from natasha and wanda stiffens next to you.

“my dad he, he never really wanted me. but my mum always wanted a child, even though they always had trouble conceiving. she’s the one that wanted to adopt and so she convinced him to adopt a baby together. she uh, she died in a car crash when i was 8.” your bottom lip trembles as you try not to cry.

“dad didn’t handle it so well. he never liked a lot of things but he loved mum the most. he uh, he started drinking and it spiraled from there. he raised me but was mainly absent from my life. but things got out of hand and he went to work drunk early last year, so he was fired. i think that was the final straw, you know? he got angerier, he drank more and his outbursts became more violent.”

it was as if the floodgates had opened. soon you were sharing about all the things that had been happening over the last year and a half.

“please i- i really don’t want to go back to stay with him. please don’t make me go back natasha.” you sob, hand clutching onto your blanket as you huddle closer to wanda, as if natasha was going to pick you up and send you back. she could feel her heart clench painfully and she shook her head fiercely.

“i’m never ever going to send you back there okay? i’ll call tony and see if we can pull you out of his guardianship, have you stay here with us instead.” natasha tentatively reaches out to you and when you don’t flinch, she wipes away your tears. “malyshka, i promise you that you will be safe here, okay?”

you nod in response, mumbling a relieved “thank you”.

“wanda, could you bring her to your room? it’ll probably be more comfortable than this guest room.” natasha instructs and wanda bobs her head in agreement. natasha continues, “no training for you today, just make sure that y/n is comfortable yeah? if either of you need anything, get FRIDAY to call for me. i’m going to go find tony now and sort everything out.”

leaning forward, natahsa presses a kiss to the top of both your heads before swiftly exiting the room, going straight to tony’s lab.

in a sick, twisted fortune, your adoptive dad wanted nothing to do with you and was more than happy to give you away.

“she’s your problem now.” he spat out venomously. steve had to physically restrain natasha from jumping him in that moment.

steve was granted temporary guardianship of you, until they figured out who would be your legal guardian. at this point, natasha had come clean about her connection with you. how she had given birth to you while on a long term mission, and how she decided to leave you on a doorstep of an orphanage the day before she had to be extracted by the red room. how she thought about you everyday and she had always second guessed giving you up. but when she was put on another mission and a 3 year old yelena was put in her arms, she was thankful that she had done what she did, especially when they had to forcefully pry yelena away from her once their undercover mission was over.

everyone had tried to convince natasha to talk to you, but while she would never admit it, she was afraid.

while you had struck up a friendship of sorts with natasha the first few weeks of coming over to the tower, your relationship only grew properly when you started to stay there permanently. you were given a week off school to recover and natasha had spent the entire week fussing over you, making sure you healed well.

natasha took you under her wing, and soon you were nicknamed her shadow. because calling you mini nat or mini romanoff hit far too close to home for the older redhead.

so it came as no surprise to anyone (but natasha) when at the 6 month mark of being at the tower, you decided to ask natasha to be your actual legal guardian.

natasha feels her heart soar at the question, her heart warming at your hopeful gaze. she wants to say yes, to wrap you up in a tight hug and pepper the top of your head with kisses.

but she also knows you deserve the truth. so she pushes down the happiness threatening to overflow and instead grabs your hand, pulling you to your room. despite your confusion, you follow her as she guides you to your bed, both of you taking a seat.

“i..” natasha hesitates slightly, not knowing if she was ready for this conversation to happen. she takes a deep breath, as she tries to calm her heart, knowing that she would not forgive herself if she didn’t tell you this. she wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t forgive her either for keeping this a secret for so long.

“thank you malyshka. it means a lot to me that you would choose me as your guardian. but, before i accept i think that there‘s something you should know.” you nod slowly, lips curling into a slight pout as you wonder what was going on.

natasha’s tongue swipes over her dry lips as she gestures to the blanket that sits on your bed. you grab it and look back towards her as you waited.

“do you know how you got this blanket?”

you nod, this blanket was the only thing you had of your biological mother. the orphanage said that it was left with you in the basket. you always struggled with your feelings towards your mother, did she not want you? why were you left there with nothing but a blanket with a set of initials on it and your name written in a cursive loop on a card.

“the initials on them.. N and R, correct?”

your breath hitches as you stare at natasha, your trembling fingers brushing against the initials the same way you do every night you think of her.

“how do you know that?” you breathed out, gaze steady on natasha’s.

“because i was the one who sewed them there.” natasha says softly. but you hear her, and soon you’re on your feet.

“no.” your voice is shaky, eyes filling with tears.

“y/n-“ natasha stands up but you quickly step back, hand still clutching onto your blanket.

“you.. you’re my mother? the mother who left me? and you’ve been here all this time? how long have you known?”

natasha doesn’t answer.

“godamnit natasha, how long have you known?!” you shout, your hand swiping across your eyes harshly.

“since the very first day peter brought you over. the heart shaped birthmark confirmed it for me.”

you chuckle weakly, your legs start moving and soon you’re pacing around the room. you stop suddenly and turn to face natasha. she takes in a shuddering breath, trying not to cry at the look of hurt and betrayal on your face.

“why? i don’t understand, how can you be my mother? my mother didn’t want me, she left me on the doorstep of an orphanage. but you- you’ve been nothing but a mother to me! you were the one that got me a place here and you were the one that patched me up. the one that held me through all my breakdowns and who even started to train me so i could protect myself. how could you be the same person that abandoned me?” you cry out, tears streaming down your face as you look at natasha, trying to understand.

you’d be lying if you said you never thought about her. especially after your adoptive mother passed, you wondered if you’d ever find your biological mom. you were actually considering asking tony if he could help you track her down, if it was even possible. but all this while, she has been right here in this tower you have come to call home.

“i never wanted to leave you malyshka. if i could, i would’ve taken you with me but i couldn’t do it. not when i was going back to the red room.” natasha’s crying now too, her eyes red as tears slipped down her cheeks.

“the red room they, they train little girls to be killers. we kill each other to be the best and i would never have forgiven myself if i handed you over. i missed you everyday malyshka, i thought about you day and night. but i never ever regretted leaving you behind, because i love you too much to put you through what i went through.” natasha risks a step closer to you.

“i’m sorry my little one, i never meant to hurt you. i hope one day you can forgive me for leaving you, but if not that’s okay. i promise that i will do all i can to make it up to you, even if you never want to see me again-”

“no!” you interrupt natasha, a sob clawing its way out of your chest. “please don’t go.”

this time you’re the one to close the distance. you were always slightly shorter for your age, which meant that you were still smaller than natasha. you wrap you arms around her midsection and you bury your face against her shoulder as you start to cry harder. she wraps her arms around you and hugs you close, swaying her body gently in hopes to soothe you.

“i’m.. i’m still mad.” you confess quietly. “i understand why you did it, you just wanted to protect me. but you could’ve still found me- you’re a trained spy. why didn’t you?”

“i still have red in my ledger. i’m a walking target, i have all sorts of people who want me dead. i never wanted to get you entangled in all this.”

you pull away, a new wave of tears threatening to fall at the implications of her words.

“does this mean i have to leave?”

“no!” natasha quickly backtracks, realising how her words got misinterpreted. “no. you don’t have to go anywhere okay? that was what i thought last time. but now..”

natasha raises a hand to cup your cheek softly, fingers wiping away your tears.

“but now i have you back i don’t think i ever want to let you go.”

your lips curl into a shy smile as you reply. “i don’t want to go either.”

natasha leans forward and presses your foreheads together. you let out a shaky breath as your eyes close. the two of you allow the silence to fall over the both of you until you decide to break it.

“i think this means you can’t be my legal guardian anymore.” natasha’s heart sinks into her stomach. her eyes open and she is met with your smile.

“maybe.. maybe you could adopt me? be my mum officially once again?” you continue on, eyes cast downwards shyly. natasha smiles brightly as she leans to press a kiss onto your forehead.

“even without that piece of paper, i have always been and will always be your mama. thank you for trusting me malyshka.”

both of you know that there is still a lot of things to talk about, but for now, you finally have your mama and natasha finally gets the chance to hold and call her baby hers.

you finally found each other.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x daughter!reader #mama!nat #mama!natasha #black widow x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #peter parker #peter parker x reader #yelena belova #yelena belova x reader #kate bishop #i don’t really mention kate much i’m sorry #marvel #avengers #avengers x reader #finally found au

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fwkei · 3 years

Text

Time.

Kazutora x fem!reader (angst/fluff)

CW/TW: Mentions of suicide, (slight) mention of starvation.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR VALHALLA ARC

Note! Explanation of story at end just incase you’re confused also i apologize for mistakes, i did not read this over. 🙆🏻‍♀️

WC: 3.4k

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You sat at the edge of your seat. Watching the clock above your teacher's head ever so closely.

“When you want to find the common di-”

Suddenly the bell rang, interrupting your teacher from his final words.

“Oh my bad, guess I lost track of time, anyways please remember to study for your quiz on Monday! I know it's a weekend, but save some time for academics!” said your teacher as your classmates packed up their stuff to leave.

Today was Friday, meaning it was the day you get to visit Kazutora at juvie for the first time after Keisuke's death, and your attempt. It was 3:30, and visiting hours started at 4 to 5 every Friday for inmates. Running to the metro takes about 5-7 minutes, and walking from the station to the actual juvie takes about 20 minutes, while the ride lasts up to 10, meaning you should arrive there at around 4:10. And there's no time to waste.

You ran out of class, ignoring your fellow classmates goodbyes. You held your book bag tight as you ran fast to the Tokyo station. Seeing you arrived just on time you jumped in just before the 3:30 o'clock train leaves to a different side of the district where Kazutora is being held. You held onto the rail beside you to keep yourself steady as the train started to move .

You felt scared but happy to see Kazutora. He most probably didn't know you would be coming, he probably thought you would at most write letters to him, like before, but again...Kazutora believes that you hate him now. You didn't know what you were going to say to him. Draken told you that he already visited him while you were in psychiatric hold for a bit, and he told you that Kazutora was planning on killing himself. Draken did not specify if he told Kazutora about your own attempt but you didn't worry too much because you were healing, and you now had hope.

Your heart was racing, as the train came to a stop. As the doors opened you ran, and fast. Dodging people to not hurt them and almost stepping on things you shouldn’t be stepping on. You checked the time to see it was 4:01, and you still had about 10 minutes worth of walking/running to cover.

You were breathing heavily when the Juvenile building came into view. You checked the time again to see it was 4:11. You jogged to the doors of the building despite the fact that your thighs were burning from the amount of cardio you had just done.

It's all worth it.

You thought to yourself opening the doors.

Kazutora sat on the bed of his bland and colorless cell. He signed as he looked up at the ceiling light before turning his position to look at the side of the wall. He held his pillow tight. He knew it was visiting day, and his heart was anxious despite the fact that others had already been called to see their visitors, and there was still no call for him. He didn't even expect any visitors.

Kazutora didn't know if he wanted to see you or not. He’s spent so much time alone in his cell thinking. He wondered if you had figured out the other reason for him stabbing his best friend, you could read people, but he knew you had a hard time reading him. He felt his heart ache. He was scared of the karma that would hit him because of it. Maybe not even Karma, but just some sort of punishment, for causing pain to the soul that cared for him so much, and for not being there for that soul when she needed it the most. Which... ultimately lead to your attempt, which Draken told him about during his visit. He shut his eyes as he remembered Draken's words.

“I don’t wanna hear you say there is no point anymore. Because there is, and it’s kinda frustrating and irritating how you can’t see it even though it’s right there. She’s in psychiatric hold right now because she was close to ending her own life. After Baji died, and you were taken away, Y/n couldn't take it anymore, and no one could see it because she just...she just kept it in, like you do. She was going to die on Baji’s birthday if I wasn’t there to make her throw up the pills she took. Her and I may not be blood related siblings, but I know she’s been through a lot and has always gotten over it just fine, you know that...but this time...I got really fucking scared.”

Kazutora felt his heart drop to fucking hell at Draken’s words. He felt his breathing stop as his mouth parted.

“I know you love her, I'm not sure in what way but I could care less about that. I know, Kazutora. All those times you came crying to the brothel, crying into her arms, begging for some type of help and she helped you, lended you her body for you to cry on, I’d hear all of it. I know you’re hurting, but if you go, I don't think she will be able to live with herself. She’ll blame herself for not being there for you like she’s always been. Do you understand?”

He felt his body throb from literal physical pain. Kazutora was feeling and getting the punishment he deserved right then and there.

“You owe it to her, whether you like it or not, to stay alive because she's doing the same for you. And once you’re out of here, you should finally grow up. Let her cry into your arms for once. She’s your best friend, right? Because she deserves for those efforts to be reciprocated. And you deserve to see what she’s gone through because of everything that happened. Take care, Kazutora.”

Kazutora was lost in his own mind, to the point where he couldn't even register that one of the guards was calling his name from the cell door.

“Hm? I’m sorry I wasn't...uh, paying attention. What did you say?” he asked sitting up nervously

“You got a visitor, kid. C’mon get up.” said the man unlocking his cell

“A- visitor?” he said quietly getting up from his bed with shocked eyes

It was already 4:15. Kazutora grew anxious at who his visitor could be. He was sure it wasn't you, your school is too far for you to make it here in time. There would only be a couple minutes to spare if you did try. Could it be Draken wanting to give him a word of advice? Or maybe Chifuyu.. Maybe Mikey? God, who could it be. It made him feel even more congested and trapped than before.

As Kazutora walked, he looked down at his feet avoiding people's gazes. He saw the backs of his fellow juvenile delinquents from the side of his eye. His heartbeat became stronger, and he felt it thumbing in his ears. God, he didn't know what to expect. He was just so...frustrated.

“Here, you have until 5.” said the guard, taking off his hand cuffs. His back was facing you. You grew anxious bringing your hands to rest on your things and skirt, waiting for him to turn around and look at you. You watched as he rubbed his wrists and sat down at the stool still not looking at you. You rubbed your hands together under the table separating you both, as the guard walked away to patrol. Your eyes followed the guard, not even noticing that Kazutora had turned to look at your face.

Kazutora felt his face get hot at the sight of you. You had a school shirt on, with a dark blue tie and a sweater vest, Your hair tied into a low and messy bun with some of you natural and dyed hairs falling out framing your face. He felt his whole body go warm as you turned your head and gave him a nervous smile as a small blush formed. He didn't know why he was scared to see you, because every time Kazutora had the chance to see you, he instantly felt better, no matter what.

You two, and the other inmates and visitors, were all separated by a piece of plastic with a vent to capture sound better. On the side there was a subsection with an opening to the other side where you could pass things through. Such as notes, toys, hygiene stuff, and extra. You brought your hands to the table holding them.

“Hey...sorry I’m late.” you said as you saw Kazutora snap out of his gaze

“Oh no I-, please don’t be..” he said waving his hands frantically, clearly nervous

“I had to run about 2 miles to get here..” you laughed trying to not tense up

Kazutora felt… stupid, why would you do that? Just to see him? It just made him even more confused...confused about how he felt towards you.

“Just to see me? But..why?” he asked without thinking and just speaking, giving a regretful and embarrassed face after asking his question.

“Hm? Oh well it's simple really…” you said bringing your hands to rest in between your thighs on your seat

“I know that I've told you that I don't like saying these words to people because it sounds like some sort of goodbye but it’s time I grow up from my past, and stop keeping things in..so…it’s because I love you... I thought that was fairly obvious but I don't wanna mess up like I did last time. I want you to know that I do love you and care for you.” you said giving him a closed eyed smile, this made Kazutora realize that you deeply regretted not telling Keisuke that you loved him more often when you two still had time. He felt his heart ache. He felt so guilty and gross.

“So, I’m gonna try and start saying that more often..” you said laughing to break the silence

Kazutora was still speechless at what you had just said. He couldn’t seem to process it, and he wanted to say it back but for some reason he just couldn’t. He was afraid that something else might slip out. He truly didn't think he was worthy of your love and care. It became quiet. Again.

“I made you a bento box with your favorite things, I made sure to put some extra meat. Cause you always used to ask for that when I would make bentos for study days with you and Keisuke. And don’t worry! It’s allowed and you can have the kitchen hold it for you till you’re ready to eat it for today's dinner, the guards said so. And the container is microwave safe! So you can warm up the entree section. There’s rice and BBQ meat, little octopus shaped sausages and sauce with it! Oh and a salad with sesame dressing on the side, and desert which is just mochi. Every Friday I'll come by, and give you the new bento and you'll just give me back the old one, so that I can wash it and so we don't have to waste stuff.” you said smiling

Your hand dung into your bag, and you pulled out a wooden bento box sliding it halfway through the subsection, but Kazutora hung his head low. You smiled, trying your best to make things right, as silence grew loud again.

“I can also bring some mangas for you, I know you like shounen and also horror.. So I can buy some and give them to you so that you aren't bored! This week's shonen jump is good… It’s about a boy who is trying to save his mom, and ends up traveling across lands, with close friends, to get this special potion that will heal her, but I’ll make sure to look for some good horror manga too...I know you like stuff about folk tales, that sound okay?”

Silence.

After a few minutes you spoke again.

“I decided to let my hair grow out cause I kinda miss having longer hair…There's this really pretty girl in my class who has long blonde hair.. Like Emma’s but longer and more wavy.. What about you? Anything you wanna do to your hair when you get out? I’ll take you to get it done-”

Silence.

The time now at 4:40. Kazutora bit his lip out of frustration, refusing to look up at you.

“Oh! What about I bring over a sudoku book, so you can work on your academics as well! I can teach you how to play, it’s fun once you get the hang of it. Or I can bring just a simple literature book, it’s really up to you, I think both are great.”

Silence.

“Maybe markers so you can draw on yourself when you’re bored? I remember you doing that while I would tutor you and Keisuke. I can get big and small ones, and ones with different colors too. Also a sketch book, since you’re really good at drawing.”

You were met with silence again. You felt your heart ache. Your eyes looked up at the clock and saw it was 4:47. You both were running out of time. About half an hour went by of your speaking, you giving a couple minutes in between waiting for him to speak back, but nothing. You clenched your hands into fists, biting your bottom lip as you looked down at your hands, resting on your thighs.

You felt a strong feeling in your throat, the feeling you get when you’re about to sob. You were so frustrated, and you were trying to keep a level head. It was hard and you just wanted to fucking cry.

“I- '' you said before closing your mouth realizing you were about to let out a whine. You didn't wanna cry, you wanted to say something but you were afraid that if you did, it would just come out as a sob.

“I know it’s hard on you-” you said holding back your sobs while still looking down at your hands, letting your hairs cover your face

“If you don’t want me here, I promise- that I’m fine with that...but~” you said in between pauses keeping your sobs in, but your last word came out shaky making Kazutora shoot his head to see you about to cry.

He felt his heart ache once again.

“But please….jus-just say something. Anything. At least acknowledge that I'm here.” you cried quietly while tensing up your shoulders

Kazutora frowned. This was his punishment. Seeing you cry, and not being able to hold and comfort you like he desperately wanted to. He opened his mouth, but closed it soon after when nothing came out. Not even a squeak, or whine, or breath.

“I-”

You heard him say. You looked up with tears in your eyes seeing his face of desperation.

Kazutora wanted to speak so badly, there were so many thoughts in his head he just could not push one out of his mouth, and he was afraid he might say something he would regret. He wanted to respond to everything you asked him, add commentary, tell you that you looked pretty today, say thank you for the food you made him. Tell you to not waste your tears on someone like him. Say sorry for making you feel uncomfortable because of his silence. God he just-

“I love you-” he choked up and said in a louder tone causing your eyes to widen and mouth to part from shock at his sudden outburst.

He was avoiding your eyes as he spoke.

“I- thank you, thank you so much for the food! Really! And I would really love whatever and everything you bring me.” he said, quieting down towards the end.

“I...can’t put my thoughts into words… and I don’t wanna say something I’d regret. All this time I’ve just been lost in my own mind. I just want you to know that..that I really am in- that I really appreciate you. I want you..to be here, and I’m so...sorry for making you cry.” he said in between pauses of frustration and embarrassment

You felt your body get warm, your heart beat was strong and you could feel it in your finger tips and temples. You opened your mouth to say something before Kazutora spoke again.

“I..wanted to.. Wanted to help you...in just some way...after seeing you cry for the first time...with Baji in your arms….I shouldn't have stabbed Baji...I took the person you loved more than anything...away from you.. Because I was j- because I was so stupid, and still am. Even when you’ve done...so fucking much for me...I- and I took him from you...I just don’t get it… how can you have any empathy towards me anymore.. It doesn't make sense. I took so much from you… I killed Shinchiro, and I killed Baji. You loved them both...Mikey loved them both, why do..why do you even have any feeling towards me?” he said looking into your eyes with tears

Your eyes softened at him. You took a small breath before saying-

“I thought I already told you why, Kazutora. I love you.”

Kazutora felt a tear run down his cheek. He knew how much thought came behind those simple words.

“I don’t need a reason to love you. Just like I don't need a reason to be hungry. It’s just there, and will continue to be there, you know what I mean? Same thing with everyone I love.” you said

His breath hitched. The time now at 4:52.

“The only difference is I was in love with Keisuke. I still am in love with him. Even though he’s not here anymore. I know you might think I love him and Shinchiro and Mikey because they saved my life and helped me. But I was only so little. I had no concept of it. So was Keisuke. So was Mikey. Keisuke had no reason to come up to little me while I was starving on the ground practically dying. He just did it. He was too young to understand love. You think he understood his feelings for me the second he saw me? Or even with Mikey or Shinchiro. Of course not. They were just focussed on saving my life at the time. We discovered the love that was involved later. Even if it was too late to say anything about it. It took Kei and I about...hmmm..5-7 years maybe...to understand what we felt toward each other specifically. It is different with everyone. The love is just there, it’ll just be understood when the time is right. Like when your hunger just hits you. So when you ask me why I love you, or care for you, or forgive you. I just can’t give you a simple answer, even if I wanted to….because there's so much. Too much.”

Kazutora understood your words. He really did. It made so much sense to him and he just wanted to scream.

Why? Well..

“The time will come where you believe that you're worthy of someone else's love and even your own, and even worth loving someone else yourself. So don’t worry. I’ll wait. I’ll wait as long as it takes. Even if it takes all the time in the world, okay?” you said smiling at him leaving him with shocked eyes

“Alright times up! 5 o'clock!” yelled a guard

“Well, I'll see you next Friday, okay? I’ll bring over some manga, oh! And don't forget the bento!” you said getting up from your seat as Kazutora did the same keeping his hands on the table as the guard came to cuff them

“Y/n I-I’m…”

No. He can’t say it. He can never ever say it. Why? And say what?

Because he will never be him. He can never be like him for you, and he was perfect for you. He was the one there for you. He had the time to love you. He was the one. He could never even compete. Not after what he did. Not after the jealousy and envy grew and brewed inside him towards him. He is filthy. Not worthy of your love. Right?

But someday, he desperately and genuinely wants to allow himself to be loved, and to love. Kazutora will forever be longing for that moment. And when he can love, and allow himself to be loved, he wants it to be with you.

But till that time comes..

“I’ll...really be looking forward to it.” he said biting back his words and smiling softly

“Likewise.” you said smiling as you both parted your ways, at least for the time being.

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Explanation/note: when i wrote this, i made y/n be a ‘foster’ siblings with Draken and childhood friends with Mikey and Keisuke. << Reason being is because i gave her a backstory where she was neglected and ran away, hence her having a more naturing personality. Y/n and Keisuke were a couple till he died but Kazutora always loved Y/n so it’s a love triangle in a way? I don’t know, but Kazutora grew envious of Keisuke in this ff which ended up being a motive to stabbing him during the fight, to which he later regrets and gets punishment for. Y/n in the story doesn’t know that so that’s why Kazutora can’t accept her love for real because he doesn't know if Y/n will really forgive him after that, and Kazutora won’t be able to learn/accept love till he admits what he did. Holding in that secret, and being in love with Y/n makes him feel frustrated and act out. And obviously time is the theme of this whole story. Kazutora at the end decided to avoid his feelings because the way things are going right now fro the time being for him are fine because he doesn't believe he deserves anything more. But that can only last for so long, so he’s gambling with his relationship with you. He thinks of it as his punishment for now, not being able to tell you how he really feels, and not being able to comfort you.

ANYWAYS hope you liked it, sorry if it’s confusing.

#tokyo revengers #tokyorev x reader #kazutora #kazutora x reader #angst #keisuke baji #baji #mikey tokyo revengers #draken #tokyo manji gang #baji x reader

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teklarn · 3 years

Text

𝔂𝓸𝓾'𝓻𝓮 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓶𝔂 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 - 𝓴. 𝓫𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓰𝓸𝓾 (𝓹𝓽.4)

character(s): katsuki bakugou x gn!reader (x eijirou kirishima)

a/n: y’all it makes me so happy how many people like my work oh my gosh i’m so motivated when enthusiasm shows tytyty <33

𝕣𝕖𝕓𝕝𝕠𝕘𝕤 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕘𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕝𝕪 𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕔𝕚𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕕 !!

summary: bakugou x gn!reader. they have feelings for one another but have no idea how to express them, however y/n has someone pining for their attention.

genre: angst

warnings: mutual pining, cussing, aged-up to third years, love triangle, romantic tension, one-sided pining, jealousy, toxic kirishima (ok but like he’s hot tho), slowburn romance, not proofread

word count: 2423

- - -

part 3 , part 5

you twiddled your thumbs in front of the poster. a halloween party? next month? it’d come as a surprise how fast the holiday was coming up.

your stomach filled with butterflies, however, it sunk when you remembered what had happened last night.

the little fight you had with kirishima. how it seemed like he suddenly hated bakugou, who was one of his best friends. you didn’t want to believe that kirishima could have had feelings for you. perhaps he was just protecting you.

you sighed. you truly didn’t want to fight with either of them. maybe kirishima was right. he did know bakugou better than you, but to your knowledge, bakugou had never had a relationship.

maybe kirishima was trying to say that bakugou would be toxic in the sense that he would never pay attention to you. perhaps he would be too focused on becoming the number one hero.

whatever. it didn’t matter now.

the poster listed that it was going to be a costume party, and dressing up was mandatory. you were good friends with mei hatsume from the support group, so she would be going all-out for the season. you wondered if she’d be able to whip something up for you, too.

you had a few minutes left before class started, surely she should be available for a little bit of chatter. besides, mei hatsume never turned down a new project.

turning, you started your way to the support classrooms just to be stopped, come face-to-face with the one person you’d been trying to avoid all day. “i don’t want to talk right now, kirishima,” you snapped. perhaps you were being a bit harsh, but he was the one trying to control you, was he not?

“then don’t talk, y/n. i’ll talk.”

you shoved past him, clutching your books to your chest. “no.”

“just hear me out, okay? last night was...i didn’t mean to seem-”

“seem what? possessive? rude? like an overprotective, jealous boyfriend?”

“in no way was i trying to come across as any of those, trust me y/n.”

you continued on your way to the support classes only to find him standing before you again. You sighed, tightening your grip around your books. “what.” you commanded him, you didn’t ask.

kirishima let out a sigh of his own, letting his arms fall to his sides. “can we just...talk? we’re friends, and we’ve always communicated well with each other.”

“communication was out of the question yesterday, wasn’t it?” you attempted shoving him away to continue on your way, but he caught your shoulder, finger pads digging into your skin possessively.

“please, y/n.”

you looked down your nose at him. “fine. say what you so badly want to get out.”

“listen, i-”

the bell rang, and students went rushing back into their classrooms. you shrugged, victorious. “looks like the bell isn’t on your side either, kirishima.”

you heard him sigh in defeat, but did not look back.

---

there was something about the way kirishima was suddenly looking at you that bakugou didn’t like. at all. his pencil snapped in his grip, chips of wood and led flying into the air.

speaking of kirishima, what was up with him lately? everything was suddenly about you. he was always around you. sure, throughout the years, you two had gotten closer, but kirishima looked just about ready to abandon bakugou’s ass on the side of the road.

as usual, aizawa would be a bit late. in about ten minutes, the man would come wandering in, bags hanging low under his eyes, and instruct the lesson before falling back into his much-needed slumber.

that was when bakugou would interrogate kirishima. but first, he needed to talk to you. needed to be sure he was on the winning side before anything happened between kirishima.

bakugou walked over to your desk, tugging at your sleeve to get your attention.

“hm?” you looked up from your notebook. “yes, bakugou? do you need something?”

“yeah,” he replied, scratching the back of his neck. “you saw the poster too, right? the one about that stupid dance.”

“well, i don’t think it’s stupid. it looks fun! don’t you think?”

he drowned himself in your eyes. “mhm.”

“so, did you still need something?”

“got any costume ideas in mind?”

you feigned surprise. “katsuki bakugou? are you saying what i think you’re saying?”

he licked his lips. gosh, the way his name rolled off your tongue sounded the way honey tasted. “don’t push it.” he grinned. “still considering it.”

“well, if you’re thinking of going, you definitely should. i’m buying tickets with mina and kaminari if you’d like to tag along.”

“tag along?” he let out a breathy chuckle. “i’ll be the star of the show if i ‘tag along’, you got me?”

you gave him a side smile. “mhm. but you do realize how hectic it’s gonna be there, right? i mean, you’ve got to pick something that...pops, y’know?” your fingers sprung out to add emphasis.

“whether i wear some stupid costume or not, i’m still going to be the star of the show. you got that?”

you knew he was only teasing. if it’d been the bakugou from before, he would have most likely meant it, however, you knew how he openly teased you now. strangely, it was only you who he was so open with.

bakugou smirked, leaning down to raise your chin with his fingers. “i’ll go if you go.”

he had your heart pacing rapidly. “mhm.”

“use your words.”

“yes, i think i’ll go.”

“you think?” he taunted.

“i will go.” you cleared your throat. “bakugou.”

“good.” his gentle fingers let go of your chin and he wandered back to his desk, eyeing you from there for a moment before flicking open a textbook and reading.

you diverted your eyes back to your notebook, hands shaking as you wrote down the date. you scribbled down your name three times in the top right corner just to look busy.

adjusting your elbow, you did your best to make it look like you were merely leaning your cheek on your hand in a bored manner. gosh. you could still feel his eyes burning into you, demanding. serious. gorgeous and blood red.

kirishima was right about you having feelings for bakugou. however you sat there conflicted for a little while.

bakugou had just approached you in a similar manner as kirishima. did kirishima..?

no, you two were only friends.

you shook your head, still doing your best to conceal the stupid grin crossing your cheeks.

everyone knew that telling other people if you were just friends with someone after they asked, one person had feelings for the other at least. it was another thing asking yourself that.

- - -

it was just a week before the dance, and you still had yet to choose a costume. mina and kaminari had offered you a few of the costumes she’d worn at previous halloween parties, but none had appealed to you.

you wanted something fresh. wanted something that you’d feel like you would have fun in.

“wouldn’t dressing up as a pirate be really, i don’t know. i just feel like it’d be super super hot in the gym.”

mina rolled her eyes. “well duh, you look hot in everything, y/n.”

you scoffed. “thanks, but i’m not sure about that.”

“kirishima seems to think so,” kaminari teased from inside the change room. all three of you were currently at a thrift store trying to find matching costumes.

you rolled your eyes, disregarding the fact he couldn’t see. “don’t bring him up. please.”

“what happened between you two?” mina asked, slipping the costume back onto its hanger. she slipped it back into its spot on the rack and began sifting through new clothes. “you guys just suddenly stopped talking.”

you shrugged. “he’s just been...off lately. you know? i don’t know how else to explain it. but ever since that incident where he broke bakugou’s nose-”

kaminari peaked out from the curtain, jaw dropping. “he broke bakugou’s nose?”

you waved him off. “yes, now let me finish. kirishima did this thing where he just...he acted all protective in private and then tried to apologize for it the next day. he kept telling me stuff like bakugou wasn’t good for me and everything.”

mina blinked, jaw dropping to the floor. “honey, what?”

she and kaminari exchanged shocked glances before she popped a hip out and put her fist to it.

“bestie, honey. you really are oblivious, aren’t you?”

you let out an exasperated breath. “he told me that, too! he pinned me to the wall and was like, oh, you’re so oblivious.” you imitated his voice, puffing out your chest to mock his stockiness.

“baby, baby! do you hear yourself?” mina shook you, taking you by your shoulders. “what the heck? are you blind? he’s down bad for you!”

“bad? if he had feelings for anyone, not just me, i think kirishima would be a little more considerate.”

“but it’s bakugou,” kaminari chirped in. “he knows he won’t win if he doesn’t get you now.”

“please, bakugou doesn’t win at everything.”

mina raised an eyebrow. “but you already have feelings for bakugou, so technically he’s already winning.”

you pursed your lips. “i guess, but if kirishima really had romantic feelings for me, he’d be less of an ass about it.”

“is he going to the dance?” kaminari closed the curtain, rustling around to change back into his clothes once more.

“i’m pretty sure.” you began sifting through clothes with mina. “bakugou said he’d go if i went. so i’m guessing kirishima is going to be there, too. bakugou and he are never apart.”

mina slapped her thigh in disbelief. “do you hear yourself, babes?” she wore a stupid grin. “i haven’t seen those two together since...i don’t know, not for the past month. they’re fighting over you, whether you realize it, whether they realize it.”

kaminari let out a false moan. “oh to have those two fighting over me.” he came out of the change room dressed in his own clothes.

“did the costume not fit?” mina asked.

“my fat ass is too fat for it. i’m too hot to be a pirate.” he posed, mimicking aoyama.

“your ass is flatter than a pancake, kaminari.”

you chuckled, but couldn’t help thinking about what mina was saying. as your two friends began chatting away, you lost yourself in your thoughts.

the three of you sat down for dinner at a cheap restaurant. mina and kaminari had bought a matching costume set, and you were still left without one. the two had left for the bathroom, leaving you sipping your own drink alone.

your chest sank into your stomach when a familiar head full of red, the roots beginning to darken, stepped into the restaurant. he ordered what you’d guessed.

he waited for the meal to be prepared for take out, rocking back and forth on his heels and whistling softly.

thankfully, you felt someone rest a hand on your shoulder. you turned, expecting to see kaminari or mina attempting to save you. instead, you found a strange man. he looked to be around your age. you vaguely recognized his face. perhaps you’d seen him around yuuei before.

uncomfortable, you shoved his hand off. “please go away.”

kirishima blinked slowly when his eyes found you. you did not attempt to hide your annoyance.

you wanted to tell both of them to go away as the man started flirting with you. it should be expected. this wasn’t the best place to be hanging out, either.

you heard footsteps rushing up, and soon, a hand clamped around your wrist. you cried out as kirishima pulled you out of your seat.

“do you have an issue?” he demanded, eyes boring into the man’s.

the man licked his lips. “you seem like you have an issue, here.” his words slurred grossly. “we were over here minding our own business.”

“they don’t want it.” kirishima snapped.

“kirishima, i can handle this myself. you tried to shove off his grip. he let go, knowing that this wasn’t truly how he wanted to approach you.

“see?” the man said. “they’re fine.”

“get out of here.”

“kirishima, what’re you-”

the man put his hands up in surrender and wandered out.

you pushed kirishima back. “what the hell?”

“fine. be mad at me, but he was invading your space.”

your brow furrowed. “you’re one to talk! do i need to put some kind of restraining order on you? you keep following me everywhere.”

“not anywhere! this was a coincidence.”

you shook your head. “it’s pointless trying to argue with you. you’re so toxic!”

kirishima tongued the inside of his cheek. “think what you want, y/n. i could see you were uncomfortable, anyway.”

“no, kirishima. i don’t need your saving. i don’t need you to swoop in and pretend like you’re my hero. you’re not. don’t talk to me again unless you’ve grown the hell up.”

as if on queue, the bell rang and kirishima’s packaged dinner was presented in a paper bag. he gave you a good, long hard stare before taking his dinner and leaving.

your chest heaved with anger. you wanted to make him angry. if he felt romantic feelings towards you, you wanted to make him jealous.

you gave mina and kaminari a text that you’d be going home early. it was only a half-lie. you ran to hatsume’s dorm and knocked loudly. she opened the door without hesitation and grinned widely at the sight of you, already knowing you needed something.

kirishima was obviously so damn jealous of bakugou, wasn’t he? mina was right. he wouldn’t be able to compete. and you were going to make sure he knew that.

the blaring lights, the music louder than bakugou’s explosions. students disguised as their favorite characters.

it was hectic, you were right about that.

kirishima stood beside him. they’d both decided to dress in their hero costumes. the tension between them was still unspoken. they felt like strangers.

their eyes scanned the crowd, and bakugou’s landed on you first, kirishima following closely after.

he couldn’t help the warm, victorious feeling in his chest as he glanced to the side at kirishima’s expression.

kirishima’s chest caved in. you’d dressed in...who had made it?

“they’re dressed as...you,” he said, aghast.

bakugou grinned, watching you dance under the lights in your own rendition of his hero costume, that orange x crossing your chest oh-so-nicely.

- - -

tags: (if you want to be tagged in future parts, let me know!!)

@heizenka @misssugarless

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yamagucji · 4 years

Text

How they treat their injured s/o

em request. “hey uhm i sprained my ankle badly today and i was wondering how tsuki, sakusa and tendou would do when they found out that their s/o sprained their ankle because im feeling really single nowadays and your account is the only way for me to not feel single fjfjdjd but uhm i hopw you can add in some speckles of angst ✨✨ ofc there should be fluffs to hehe” -anon

pairing. tsukishima x gn!reader, sakusa x gn!reader, tendou x gn!reader

note. i didn’t get to work on this as much as i wanted to bc i wanted to have it out in time! i hope you still like this all the same </3

Tsukishima

“how clumsy”, he’ll say, with a taunting look on his face

yes this beanpole is gonna tease you for it to hide the fact that he’s mildly worried

he’d just keep teasing you to no remorse tbh😿 until he sees you limp/wince in pain

ohhh that’s when he drops the act

if he’s a distance away from you and he’s holding something, he’d quickly set it down and come your way

“ow,” you wince, grabbing ahold of the wall beside you

in a flash he’s right next to you, getting a firm grip of your waist so as to anchor you

“h-hey, take it easy,”

oh so you care me now😾

you sigh in frustration, “since when did you care?”

he’ll look the other way but bring you against his chest, pouting at the fact that he’d been pointed out

“i’ve always cared... idiot,”

“now let’s put some ice on the pain,”

“...okay y/n?” 🥺 mayhaps you’re forgiven

he’ll set you down on a chair and go to look for an ice pack

and he’ll come back in a matter of a few minutes, with not JUST an ice pack, but some snacks and maybe even a pain reliever (if you take them)

“here, no- no, let me do it”

you’ll attempt to do it yourself but he takes the ice pack away from you and instead does it himself

so he’s on his knees tending to your injury, choosing to caress your skin with his thumb

“...how are you feeling?” 🥺💓

and if you say you’re feeling better, he’ll reward you with a genuine smile and maybe even a kiss on your temple

“that’s good to hear, i’m glad”

but if you’re still slightly mad at him from before? he’ll apologize in his own tsukki way

Tendou

aw bless this boy

when you come to him he’ll notice something’s wrong judging by your actions

he tilts his head, “everything okay?”

and as you’re telling him what happened, he’s already got you seated down on a chair and inspecting your injury

“hmm, doesn’t look that bad. but we should treat it incase it gets any worse, okay?”

he’ll get up and leave a big smooch on your nose, probably looking for medical supplies/ice pack as he’s humming a tune

ah he’ll probably hum something along the lines of, “my s/o is injured... and that’s no good... it’s time for their boyfriend to save the day” ok idk how to write lyrics mk

he’ll come back to you with another kiss, “stay still babe, i’m gonna take care of you,”

🥺🤲 hand in marriage rn

he’ll stay with you and force you to rest because he “wants to get better as soon as possible so the two of us can go on little dates,”

he’ll stay... until one of his friends hit him up to ask him to practice or hang out

“ah... sorry but i’ll be back, i promise!”

wait what happened to taking care of your s/o 😐

so he leaves you and spends the next FEW hours away and completely unaware that he’d broken his promise of taking care of you

so when he comes back and sees you limping your way to grab something from the shelves, he feels absolutely guilty

“oy, what are you doing? you should be resting!”

“well i was trying to get this... but i couldn’t ask for help since you weren’t here” 🥺 yes bub speak your truth

best believe he’ll try and make it up to you the rest of the day

he’s been promoted from boyfie to personal butler 😌 jkjk

Sakusa

you don’t tell him about the incident and instead pretend to act like everything’s fine

because it’s... sakusa kiyoomi. it’s natural to think he’ll be very indifferent about your injury or just not be sympathetic :(

so when he meets up with you for the day, he’s completely oblivious to the pain in your body

though, he will notice the fact that you’re walking a bit slower

with slight irritation he spoke, “can’t you walk a little faster? what’s up with you today?”

h- hhhng can he at least sugar coat it😔

“oh... sorry omi! guess i was just a little space out haha” and you force yourself to take bigger strides despite the pain

it resumes to that quiet, peaceful walk, with sakusa staring straight ahead of him and absolutely not noticing the mild limps

until... you trip on the ground, that is

you can’t see it behind his mask but he’s definitely grimacing

“how clumsy can you-” he hissed (not literally😭) until he saw you whine in pain

he takes his hands out of his pockets and hesitantly helps you up, even brushing the dirt off of you yes the sakusa did that

“i’m sorry omi... i wasn’t looking where i was going,”

“tch, forget that. are you okay? why does it look like you’re in even more pain?”

so you go to tell him the truth, leaving the act altogether

“are you serious?” 😾 “why didn’t you just tell me?”

you can tell he’s slightly frustrated with the situation, but that’s only because he feels bad that you don’t trust him enough to care about you

he ditches whatever plan the two of you had and brings you home. he’s mumbling in irritation, all the while keeping his hold on you to make sure you don’t hurt yourself even more

now... be prepared to be pampered with extra care AND be scolded at the same time

sir am i your s/o or your kid,,, pick one 🧍/🧍‍♀️

yk😳 it’s a good time to take advantage of him while he’s going all soft for you

“um... omi?”

“hm?”

“can you kiss it better?” 🥺🤲

he’ll look at you with bored eyes, but it contrasts with the blush that’s on his face

hesitatantly, he’ll run his fingers over your cast and give it a peck

“there, is that better...love?”

call me weak or whatever but that was by far one of the most loving kisses ever given

#tsukishima x reader #tendou x reader #sakusa x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons

963 notes · View notes

xpeachesncream · 3 years

Text

restart | eleven

↱ SEQUEL TO PERFECTLY WRONG | series masterlist ↰

summary: as you and taehyung start to build your life together post graduation, things become more complicated than what you expected it to be. while taehyung struggles with his inner demons, you’ve become the sole supporter, the pillar, juggling different jobs to keep you two afloat. your love for each other has been put to the test as your relationship continues to face hurdles - hurdles that have you questioning whether or not your relationship will make it through.

pairing: reader x fiancé!kth

genre: post grad au, established relationship au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 3.3k

warnings: cussing/mature language, angst, thoughts on overdrive, anxiety

notes: um, there’s about 3 chapters left ☹️ i won’t be taking drabble requests right away just to give myself a little break and work on bands for a bit, BUT-- i think i might be working on something else in the meantime? i’ll let you guys know lol ily a milli 💗

tags: @enchantaeduniverse @thedarkwinterrose @jeontier @jwlmnbt @bluesharksandfish @ra-mun-e @brightcolorsoffendme @jungcrookthecookbook @sunniejinnie @littlewolfieposts @vanntaesworld @thebeebi (please message me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

"Look, I—"

"No, Aiko. You know damn well I deserve to hear this from you too no matter what the outcome was. It takes two to tango." You step a little closer to her as you feel your bottom lip trembling. Just looking at her makes your stomach drop. You remember all the times that you felt insecure, and truly inferior especially after those nudes she used to send.

Fuck, Taehyung.

Maybe she was just always going to be a weakness for Tae, and that was it.

God, you want to hurl. But you keep yourself composed because it's here now. There's really no turning back.

"Hey." Jin gently squeezes your wrist and gives you a reassuring look. "It's okay." He mouths out.

"Do you have to be here while we do this?" Aiko shoots Jin a look.

"Of course I do. I'm not leaving her side. Why are you suddenly so shy when you've been sharing your nudes with everyone, let alone men in relationships?" Jin snaps back with that glare of his. But this didn't surprise you, Jin was always direct. He would never shy away from telling you like it is. All Aiko can do is roll her eyes at him before letting out a small sigh and bringing her attention back to you.

"Can we just cut to the chase here? I'm not exactly here to be friends." You say as calmly as possible. "Why did Taehyung come to see you?" Which, you curse yourself under your breath once you ask the question because why the fuck else would he come and see her? You were just too busy trying to sway away from the truth.

"He just asked to come see me. For specifics, I'm sure you and I both know what the intention was behind it." You feel sick, but you swallow the lump in your throat and slowly nod your head.

"So, um—"

"No, he didn't Y/N." She cuts you off and looks at you, her facial expression softening. "He didn't do it."

"W-what?"

"He came here and left. Said this was a mistake and that he would never do this to you." Jin's grip tightens around your wrist for whatever reason, you can't really decipher the signal right now. You honestly had a hard time believing her at the moment, and it has even gotten to the point where you think they've both created this story to tell you. However, when you look at her, her body language isn't defensive, nor does she seem like she's hiding anything. There's a small frown creeping up at the corners of her lips as she watches you.

She watches how you fiddle with your fingers, and how you always seem to swallow the lump in your throat every 5 seconds, slyly looking up to prevent the tears from coming down.

"O-oh."

"Look, I'm really sorry for having caused any trouble and I know I'm probably still not going to be on your favorites list for the way I acted with Jin—" She quickly looks at him. "And with Taehyung. But, if there's really one thing that I help with right now, I can tell you that he truly does love you." She tightens the way her arms are crossed close to her chest as she lets out another shaky sigh. "I know it's terrible that the thought was there for the both of us, but he would never do anything to hurt you. He can't. You mean too much to him, Y/N."

"I— don't really know what to say."

"He's set on you. There's no changing that for him." She says, and you can catch the hurt in her voice. The way her tone dips a little when she tells you there's no changing that for him. She still had feelings for him, and this shouldn't be anything new to you.

"Thanks." Aiko does nothing besides purse her lips into a tight line.

"Yup." You look at Jin, and he simply nods at Aiko before he's slightly pushing you to walk away from the door and down the stairs. But, before you could fully get yourself down a step, Aiko calls out for you both. "Hey."

"Hm?"

"He's lucky to have someone like you. I hope he learns from whatever he's going through." You take one last look at her before you silently head down the steps with Jin and situate yourself in his passenger seat.

"So, what now?" Jin asks as he drives off.

"I honestly don't know." The scene of him begging you not to go replays in your head and your heart shatters all over again. You don't know if you're upset with yourself or if you're still upset with him. Actually - yes, you still were upset with him because he had the fucking nerve. The fucking thought. You couldn't get over that. But part of you felt relieved knowing he didn't move forward with it? Or, that he was fucking smart enough at the very least to fix himself the very last minute.

"You can't avoid him forever."

"No, I know that. I just don't know what to say to him." You turn to Jin. "Is it really bad for me to want him to make this work? I don't wanna be the one that goes to him first, not after all of this. I'm tired. I just want to believe that he still wants me the same way he did before."

"I'm sure he hasn't changed."

"Jin, the thought still crossed his mind."

"I know and it's not okay whatsoever but I do have to give it to him for realizing it before."

"I don't know. I guess, yeah." You look down at your lap. "What if he just doesn't fix this? I'm scared of being upped and left again." The sudden thought of your ex popping up, along with all the nights you cried yourself to sleep - waking up with a pounding headache and dry eyes.

"He's not going to." Jin says reassuringly. "I really do believe he'll get this right, but just like you needed time, he does too. I know you had a hard time and a lot of things hurt you, but Taehyung had his own demons to battle and that's never easy. He's trying."

"Yeah." Is all you respond with.

"Do you need more clothes?"

"No, I don't think so. If anything I'll just ask one of the boys to grab me something."

"Okay." Jin continues to drive off and back to his apartment. You keep your gaze outside of the window until your phone vibrates in your lap.

[taehyung♡] 6:05pm: can we talk tonight? i know you might not be ready, but i honestly don't want to put this off any longer. i need to see you.

Your breathing hitches and Jin can feel that something has suddenly changed in your mood. You stare at your phone, unsure if you want to cry or if you're relieved to see Taehyung pop up on your screen. You wanna cry cause of course it still hurts to know the thought crossed his head; you'll never forget that for a second, Taehyung thought about risking everything you've built together just to feel wanted, needed, whatever the hell it was. For a second, he pushed you aside because he was ready to let Aiko back in.

But then you also are relieved because fuck, even if it hasn't been long, part of you felt like he was truly going to give up. That he wasn't going to try anymore. That he didn't think this was worth fixing. That you and him just weren't meant to be together. After all this, of course you still loved him. You loved him deeply - so, so deep, that thought of you without him is probably what hurts the most. He meant everything to you.

"What is it?"

"He wants to talk tonight."

"I'm telling you, you can't avoid him forever."

"Should I do it?"

"Are you ready to? Just because I say you can't avoid him forever doesn't mean you have to talk to him right at this moment, especially if you aren't ready." You look at Jin.

"This is so fucked up, because after everything, I still miss him. And I want to see him. I just don't know what I'd say though."

"Why don't you be honest about everything, yeah? How it made you feel, you confronting Aiko. Let him know that if this does work out, he'll really need to learn from it and understand how hurt you were."

"I know."

"So are you going to see him?"

"Yeah, I think so." Your hands became clammy as you picked up your phone and responded.

[y/n] 6:11pm: yeah, sure.

[taehyung♡] 6:13pm: is it okay if i pick you up from jin hyung's?

[y/n] 6:15pm: yeah, that's fine.

[taehyung♡] 6:16pm: be there in about 15 minutes.

As soon as you put your phone down, Jin is turning into his parking garage and parking into his assigned spot. You quietly walk up the steps, feeling the anxiety settle in. How was this night going to go? Were you going to have to move your stuff out permanently? Move in with Jin or Jungkook until you could figure things out? You already felt terrible enough having spent these past nights in Jin's bed while he slept out on the couch. He insisted he was fine with it, but still.

What if Taehyung really just wanted to talk to tell you that this was done?

Fuck.

Your anxiety is bubbling in your stomach as the minutes go by, 15 minutes seemingly coming a lot slower than it usually does on any other given day. But, it eventually comes and it comes by Taehyung texting you that he's downstairs. You zip up your jacket, fixing up your appearance just a teeny bit because this was still Taehyung. Jin is eating dinner as he waves you off, setting your bowl aside on the kitchen counter for you to eat later when you get back [if you're hungry].

You feel your pulse on your neck, and your ears are slightly ringing because of how nervous you are. You catch a glimpse of him through the lobby doors and you instantly feel weak, and you fucking hated that effect he had on you. He looks at you as you near the passenger door, slipping yourself in without making much eye contact.

"Hey." He says softly as he drives off.

"Hey."

"You eat already?"

"Nope, haven't been too hungry." His heart sinks at the statement.

"Let me know if you want me to stop by anywhere afterwards to get you some food."

"I'll be fine, thanks." You say, keeping your eyes on the passing view outside of the passenger window. The ride is awfully quiet, nothing but the thoughts in your head making noise. You realize he's taking you down towards the nearby beach, parking his car in front of the ocean view. When he shifts the gear to park and shuts off his lights, he slightly sinks in his seat and lets out a sigh.

"Y/N." He says, breaking the silence. You slightly turn your head towards him, eyeing him every now and then through your peripherals. "I'm sorry." He says, close to a whisper as his head drops and he begins to cry.

"Do you even know what you're sorry for, Taehyung?" You ask, your voice cracking when you look at him to see how torn up he is.

"Baby, of course I do." He looks at you through his teary eyes. "I'm so sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry for ever making you question your worth, I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble and pain while all you've done was be there for me. I'm just.. sorry for not being there when I should have been. I should have never let you go through this alone."

"You have no idea how it's been all this time. I was your fiancé, Taehyung. I was trying to be there for you through everything you were feeling, experiencing, whatever it was. I tried. And all you did was push me aside and you still ended up pointing your fingers at me. Almost cheating on me, even? The thing that feels so unforgivable and so painful is the fact that for a second, you really believed risking everything we've built together was worth it."

"I know and I fucked up. That was on me, 100%. I let everything get to the best of me and I was too dumb to see it right away. I fully acknowledge it and I never want to make you feel that way again. I miss you so much. You being away has been so difficult because I feel empty without you. It's been hard to be without you because I never pictured myself to be without you. I still can't."

"We were planning to get married, Tae." You begin to softly cry. "This isn't something you do when you get married to someone and build that life together with them. You can't—" You wipe your tears with a quick pause. "You can't just run off expecting things to be okay after they get brushed under the rug. How are we supposed to have a family together, grow old together, if we can't even fix these kinds of issues together?"

"Baby, I'm ready to do this with you. It's been a hell of a ride and I'm learning as I go. I know I haven't been perfect, or the best fiancé, but know I'm learning from this because I want to be the best for you and give you the world like you rightfully deserve. I'm so, so sorry, my love." He responds, wiping his tears in between before reaching for your hand and grabbing it. He brings your hand to his lips and presses a kiss against it, causing your heart to flutter. "I love you so much, I'm not giving up on us. I want to do better and you help me be a better man every day that we're together."

"I just want you to understand how much of a toll this took on me and our relationship. You really hurt me, and all I hope is that you do learn from this and become better from it. I love you so much, but I can't always save you. I can be there for you, but sometimes you have to help yourself and I don't know what I'll do if I have to go through this again."

"I know. And I said I wanted to do better, I'm gonna do this for us. I don't want to do this with anyone else. I'm ready to do this ride with you." You don't really have anything else to say, because you feel like you've made your point time and time again. Now, you just didn't know if you'd take this leap of faith again and trust him, or if you should let it be. You simply lean over to wipe his tears, but he keeps your palm against his cheek, pressing a kiss against it as he leans into your touch. "I'm in love with you, Y/N. More than you'll ever know." You sit back into your seat and give him a tiny smile before letting out a breath. You were nervous for what you were about to say, but you needed to say it. You just needed to be honest. This is what this time was about.

"I went to see Aiko earlier." His eyes shoot right at yours, but he doesn't say anything. "She told me you didn't do anything and that you left." You slightly nodded. "It's gonna be hard for me to let that go. But I hope you understand that I want to be the person you go to if things get rough, no one else. I want you to confide in me and tell me what you need so I can better provide. I don't want my man to be running off to someone else because they feel like they can't get a certain feeling or emotion reciprocated, especially without discussing the issue."

"I know, love. I know. I understand and hear you. I'm going to show you that you're the only one that matters to me, and I'll never make you doubt yourself ever again." You sigh and nod. He leans over to kiss you on the forehead, but retreats back to his seat without kissing you anywhere else because he still felt the need to give you space. The kiss sent shivers down your spine though, and it only really solidified the fact that he was the only one you still wanted. "I—um, talked with my parents."

"You did?" You ask softly. For some reason, this was something you weren't expecting to hear. You truly and honestly didn't think Tae was ever gonna try to mend his relationship with his parents, but this showed you that he wanted to try - with you and with them. Hopefully, at least.

"Yeah. I stayed there for a bit." He slightly smiles. "I'm gonna start working with my dad next week. We've been trying to do a lot to mend our relationship and spend more time together."

"I'm happy to hear that, Tae. I really am."

"Thank you for always pushing me to do better with them. There's a lot on their side that I had yet to better understand and vice versa."

"Of course." You say softly as you look at him. He was still the most beautiful man you had ever laid eyes on, even under the moonlight.

"Do you wanna head back to Jin hyung's now?"

"Sure. I think I've said what I needed to say."

"Come home, please." He says softly as he begins to drive off. "I want to work on mending us, and our relationship."

"I—I don't know. I want this, I do. But I think I just need time to process this? I don't really know. I have to be honest, I'm scared."

"That's okay, I understand. You have every right to feel that way, but I'll show you that you don't have to be. You know you're always welcome to come back whenever you're ready though, baby." But fuck, everything about this makes you so weak. You really did want to go back home and work on this. You just wanted to be with him. You were just scared. There's really no other way to put it. Scared of getting hurt, scared of falling into another trap.

The rest of the ride is quiet again, but it's obvious that the both of you feel a little better getting things off of your chest and talking things out. It didn't mean that everything was fixed though, but you could at least say you both were on the same page of working this out and fixing your relationship. And even though you weren't going home with him that minute, Taehyung can't help but feel hopeful that this will work out in the end. He wanted to do right by you, and he was going to. He was going to fix this, marry you, have a family with you, grow old with you - he was gonna do whatever it took to get you both back on track.

When you unbuckle your seatbelt, you turn to face Taehyung. He simply gives you a tiny, toothless smile before cupping your cheeks and kissing your forehead, then nose.

"I love you, babygirl." He kisses your nose once more, thumb lightly caressing your cheek. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too." You respond before quickly hopping out to prevent yourself from crying even more. You don't turn back and simply head into the elevators up to Jin's floor, straggling tears able to leave your eyes and lightly stain your cheeks.

"How was it?"

"Good, I think."

"What's the plan moving forward?" Jin asks as he leans onto the kitchen counter, watching you wipe your tears and nose.

"I think I'm gonna go home."

youtube

even when i'm on my own, i'm never alone and the silence sounds so loud, i'm feeling bound by the words i can't get out

track six: me and my mind - jazz morley

189 notes · View notes

cotccotc · 3 years

Text

genre/s: felix x barista!reader (gender neutral), fluff, angst, coworkers to lovers au, bakery / barista au (feat. baker / bff!minho, (strict) manager!chan, barista!jeongin, and baker!seungmin)

wc: 6.9k 😎

warnings: many mentions of food (specifically sweets such as cupcakes, brownies, cookies, etc.), some swearing, arguing, probably very poor editing oops <3

a/n: this is part of the @districtninewriters “dear skz, with love” event :D THIS IS ALSO THE LONGEST FIC I’VE EVER WRITTEN AHHH i’m really really proud of it !!! i hope u love it besties !!!!!!!!

it was a frostbitten february evening when you met the boy at the bakery.

you were seated upon the counter, back turned to the deep brown door through which you’d first entered months ago, eager to apply for a barista position. minho sat across from you on the cashier stool. he was always better with the baked goods. you were a great team. the two of you were bored; a familiar feeling that accompanied weeknights at the bakery-cafe. people tended to arrive either in the morning time or late in the afternoon, and very seldom later. plus, your manager trusted the two of you enough to lock up on your own. and so, the two of you would be left to your own devices for a few measly hours a night per week.

“i bet you couldn’t make a batch of sugar biscuits without instructions,” he teased with a snarky grin. he was right. that was more his thing than yours.

so, you retaliated. “i bet you can’t do the same with a mocha frappe. or even simpler: an iced americano.”

“please!”

“oh yeah? step right up, biscuit boy,” you retorted with a giggle, gesturing to the coffee maker that sat beside him. there were multiple in the shop, and truth be told, he had no idea which was used for what types of beverages.

confidently, he grabbed a cup from the stack on the table behind him, striding over to one of the machines. he then took a look at all the knobs and buttons, clearing his throat. you chuckled. with his finger ghosting over one of the buttons, he turned back toward you to check for your reaction. “not even close,” you remarked. he clicked his tongue, turning back toward the coffee maker. “just a hint,” you added, “the first step isn’t coffee.”

he simply looked up, bewildered. he turned back toward you, dropping his hands to his sides and parting his lips into a circular expression of disbelief.

suddenly, the sparkling tone of the door chime behind you caught both of your attention. peculiar. nobody was usually around at that hour. as minho put his cup back on the table, you hopped off the counter, turning toward the front of the store.

in walked one of the most strikingly handsome boys you think you’ve ever seen. if not the most handsome. an angular face; fair, slightly pink-tinted skin decorated with the most endearing assortment of freckles. they were almost reminiscent of the chocolate sprinkles minho used to top off the cupcakes situated inside the glass counter case. his hair was a vanilla blond and long enough to delicately cascade over the side edges of his face. cherry red lips that parted upon his arrival, chocolatey brown eyes staring right back at yours. he was astonishing.

“how can we help you?” minho asked him, stepping forward. he couldn’t help but notice the way your eyes seemed to be bugging out of your head. he had to stifle a chuckle or two.

the boy’s eyes lingered on yours for a moment. or maybe you dreamed it that way. regardless, he walked up to the counter, inquisitively placing his hands behind his back and bent over to glance at the contents of the case. “hi! uh…” he seemed sweet, though his voice was much deeper than you’d expected. it was unique. he was unique. and in quite a rush, as well. “...shit,” he cursed under his breath. he seemed to have startled himself with his expression. he looked back up at you, then at minho, a tight-lipped smile and strawberry-pink blush appearing on his face. “sorry,” he said.

minho finally let out a chuckle. “no worries. what’re you looking for?” he was always so good with the customers. smooth yet considerate, witty, yet firm. you always aspired to be a little more like minho when it came to customer service.

“do you have any of the salted caramel cupcakes left? they seem to be gone.”

“ah, we seem to have run out of those. could i interest you in a peanut butter cupcake instead?”

the boy shook his head. “no… she likes caramel.”

she. there was a she.

“may i ask what the occasion is?” minho asked.

“it’s my mom’s birthday, and she’ll be home from work soon... hopefully. i would’ve made my own gift to her but i didn’t have the time…”

“enough said,” your coworker assured him. “does she like chocolate? we have a few salted caramel brownies in the back.”

he almost gasped. “that’s perfect!” he paused. “um… how much is that? i-is it more than the cupcake, or…?”

minho glanced through the glass at the tag beside the brownie tray. “nope. less, actually.”

the boy let out a short sigh of relief. “great. thanks so much.”

“ah, it’s nothing. one sec,” minho said before walking into the kitchen to grab the brownie from the fridge. an awkward silence ensued between you and the boy.

“a name for the order?” you blurted. dumbass, you thought to yourself.

“i’m… the only one in the store…” he replied.

heat rose to your cheeks. “i… um… it’s protocol-”

“felix.” he cut you off before you could embarrass yourself further. he could tell you were nervous.

a unique name as well. of course.

“coming right up, felix,” you murmured, a hint of sarcasm in your voice. both of you chuckled.

minho came back out to the counter holding a small blue box with the cafe logo on top. “you’re all set! that’ll be…” he pressed few buttons into the cash register before continuing. “ten thousand won.”

“perfect.” felix grabbed his wallet out of his coat pocket. he pulled out a few bills from the black leather case, handing them to minho with a small smile. he was excited to surprise his mother, and happy that it wouldn’t cost as much as he’d thought it would. and you found it adorable.

minho took the money, ringing felix up and inserting the bills into the register. he handed felix the box, which made the boy’s face light up even more. it was hard for you to suppress a similar countenance. “i hope she likes it. have a good night!” minho said, closing the register. he crossed his arms and leaned on the counter as felix waved to the both of you and began walking back toward the door.

“thanks so much. you too,” he said, giving minho a small bow.

with his hand on the door, he glanced back at you once more. you smiled. he returned the expression. and just like that, with a brief gust of cold air sweeping through the shop, the boy was gone.

“you, uh… you know we only take names when there’s a line, right?” minho teased as the door shut, the chime letting out what seemed to be a pitied laugh.

you held your hands up to your forehead. “ugh, i know! i’m such an idiot,” you replied, letting your nerves go with a chuckle. he patted you on the shoulder, laughing with you.

in between laughs, he remarked, “he really made you that nervous, huh?”

“you could tell?! oh, great… wonderful!”

the two of you carried on for a moment, making light of the otherwise mortifying exchange. but finally, minho glanced at the clock and asked, “would you mind locking up tonight? i’ve got a date.”

“ooh!” you cooed, taunting him. “a date... who’s the not-so-lucky lady?”

“what joke book did you get that one from, hm? i had no idea you even knew how to read!” you gave him a playful punch in the arm for his sarcastic dig, causing him to giggle. yet, he answered your question, saying, “it’s a girl i met on the train home from school the other night. chaeyoung.” he looked off to the side, seemingly entranced. “she’s really witty and smart… and gorgeous. like... gorgeous.”

“ah, yes… so gorgeous that it causes men to leave their posts… and friends…”

“if i bring you back some takeout, will you quit being an ass?”

you pondered the question for a moment. and, while you’d be bored as hell in his absence, closing up the shop wasn’t much of a hassle on weeknights… and, well, you could always go for a free meal. “...pleasure doing business with you, lee minho.”

“thank you. as with you,” he commented in return. he took off the periwinkle blue, involuntarily worn apron which you’ve both been made to wear, revealing what you hadn’t even noticed was a dressy outfit. well, dressier than usual. he’d opted for a pale blue button-up shirt, tucked into black skinny jeans, all tied together by a chic black belt and a pair of black loafers. not to mention the small silver hoop earrings and matching necklace. you had to admit, he did look dapper.

he quickly strode to the back of the kitchen at which there resided a small storage room where you and the other employees usually dropped off your belongings. he grabbed his backpack and put on his long black coat, quickly making his way back up to the counter and walking around to the front of the store. “catch you tomorrow! thanks again.”

“takeout! don’t forget!”

“i couldn’t even if i tried,” he retorted, opening the door. the two of you waved to each other before he took his leave.

moments later, the door opened once again. you figured minho must’ve forgotten something. looking up, you began to ask, “what’d you forget this ti-”

it wasn’t minho.

it was felix.

he paused in his footing, little blue box still in hand. you jumped just a little. he noticed. “s-sorry… i just, um…” he looked off to the side. “i guess this is a bit of a long shot... considering the two of you seem to be more than enough staff… but…” he paused again, taking a moment to straighten his posture and scratch the back of his head. “is there any chance you might be hiring… any time soon?”

the answer was no. undoubtedly. he was right in thinking that you, minho, and the other employees were perfectly capable of handling the cafe. though some mornings and weekends were a bit tight, the team made it work. if this was anybody else, you could’ve easily said no.

yet, he persisted. “i can bake! i like to think i’ve been getting better at it… and i can clean as well.”

you couldn’t turn him down. you simply couldn’t. not with those kind eyes locking themselves with yours, the enthusiasm in his deep voice, or the hastening beat of your heart. “i’ll talk to my manager!” you affirmed. you smiled, causing a similar reaction out of him. an idea popped into your mind. if only for a moment, you thought it was the best you’d ever had. your eyes averted themselves to the pale yellow note pad and ballpoint pen on the counter, used to take orders from seated customers. “here,” you said, reaching for the pen and paper and handing it to felix. “if you’ll give me your number, i can text you with any updates.”

he walked back up to the counter for the second time that night, taking his number down on the pad. as you watched him intently, eyes fixated on his concentrated face, you silently praised yourself for being so brave. especially after the whole name debacle. your heart was at its wits’ end. “there,” he said, placing the pen down on the counter and sliding the notepad back to you. “i really appreciate it.” he sounded so genuine. he flashed you another smile. he had such a grand, bright, toothy smile. it would stay in your memory for days, weeks, even months to come. you can still recall it now.

“it’s no problem,” you responded. “...i really hope your mom likes the brownie.”

“thanks. i’m sure she will.” he turned to walk toward the door. you almost turned away as well, excited to examine the style with which he’d written on the pad, until he spun back around once more. “oh! one more thing… can i get your name as well?”

the question came as a bit of a surprise. you nodded to him, letting out a short giggle. “y/n.”

he grinned again. it was smaller that time; a bit more subdued. effortfully so. “ah. well…” he began walking backward, eyes connected with yours as he headed toward the door. “goodnight, y/n.”

“goodnight, felix.”

and thus, your pursuit for a job offering began.

your manager, chan, was reluctant to accept your proposal for him to give felix an interview. however, you made note of how eager he’d seemed that night and the skills he’d mentioned having. you also mentioned how he’d been so enthused to find out the price of his order. and so, after a couple days’ worth of mulling it over, chan finally gave in.

you weren’t supposed to be at the cafe when felix was being interviewed. however, your saturday afternoon shift had just ended, and the place was essentially empty. well… apart from you, chan, felix, and then jeongin, who wandered in from the storage room to find you eavesdropping from behind the wall separating the kitchen and the dining area.

“y/n?” he asked. “what are you-”

you inaudibly shushed him, motioning for him to come closer and hide with you. he did so.

“chan’s interviewing someone,” you whispered to the boy.

“ah…” he responded, his tone hushed. “so why are we hiding?”

“because we’re not supposed to be listening.”

“so why are we doing it?”

“because i want to know how it’s going.”

“so why can’t you just-”

you shushed him again. he obliged, covering his mouth with his hand.

from the other side of the wall, chan asked, “so felix, do you have a resume?”

“uh…” felix stammered. you could hear the nerves in his voice.

“let me put it this way,” chan offered instead. “do you have any prior working experience? at another cafe, another store, a completely different place...?”

“oh! yes. i’ve bagged groceries at the supermarket on third street for the last few months. that’s where my mom works. but i’d much rather work here, if i’m honest...”

“ah. okay.” chan nodded, jotting down some notes in his notebook. “so y/n told me you could clean...”

before chan could finish, felix proudly exclaimed, “i can! i do a lot of cleaning at home.”

“perfect.”

the interview went on for a few more minutes. jeongin let out a few silent chuckles every once in a while, mocking your state of concentration. but who could blame you? you just wanted to make sure felix got the position. he seemed to need it.

you totally weren’t in it for his smile… the freckles… the adorable creases that formed at the edges of his eyes when he grinned with that sweet, genuine, toothy grin of his… no, not at all…

nevertheless, he got the job.

“i love this apron,” felix had said to you on his first day. he was quite fond of your uniform. everyone else in the shop hated them; what, with the pale blue color, white pinstripe pattern, and the ‘one-size-fits-all’ design. yet, in every sense of the phrase, it fit felix perfectly.

“i’m glad someone does,” you replied. he laughed.

“when i got the cleaning job, i wasn’t sure i’d get to wear one. but i’m happy i do.” he smiled at you, his pearlescent teeth on full display and face aglow with joy.

after about a week of training, felix became a natural at his job. though it wasn’t much, he took great pride in his work and enjoyed taking any opportunity he saw to do a little extra sweeping, some more dish washing, and even some dusting here and there.

he also fit right into the employee dynamic. every once in a while, you’d find him playing hand games with jeongin. or, sometimes, minho would discuss baking with him, as he often noted his affinity for it.

“have you ever tried using oats in your chocolate chip cookies?” felix asked. it was monday night. and, as per usual, the shop was devoid of customers.

minho looked puzzled. “oats?”

“yeah. it adds a little nuttiness. it’s really, really good.”

“huh… i’ll have to try it out sometime. i like to add a bit of coffee grounds to the flour when i make mine.” then, he leaned in to whisper, “don’t tell chan, though.” felix let out a nervous giggle.

“don’t worry,” you said to him. “minho’s only kidding. i’d never let him touch my coffee grounds.” this made all three of you laugh.

after the laughter died down, felix looked at the clock. it was four in the afternoon. “well, my shift is over,” he said. you were disappointed. hanging out with felix had become a bit of a highlight for you. he always carried himself so kindly. he had a bubbly soul, and a pure twinkle took residence in his eye whenever he smiled. you couldn’t help but feel light and airy while around him.

“hey, i’ve been meaning to ask,” minho started to felix. “do you bike here?”

the other boy was confused. “no. why?”

“oh… then, do you walk?”

“yeah. it’s only a few blocks,” felix responded, shrugging.

“do you need a ride?”

felix paused to think. “don’t you need to stay here? to lock up and everything…”

“i’ll come right back.”

you chimed in, suggesting, “i can close tonight.”

“you sure?” minho asked you. “i don’t have any food to bribe you with this time.” you both chuckled.

“it’s fine by me,” you said.

minho thanked you, stating once again that he owed you. the amount of times you’d done this for him was countless. but you never seemed to mind. and so, off they went. you were glad felix had integrated into the friend group so well. you supposed that he was just that loveable.

when it finally came time for you to close up shop having not received any other customers for the night, you waltzed into the storage room to grab your things. however, you noticed something strange sitting atop one of the shelves that hadn’t been there that morning.

an envelope. with your name on it. and a tupperware container filled with a single slice of what looked like chocolate cake.

your heart flinched. you were shocked. flustered, flushed. confused… but endeared. you hesitated. shakily, you tore open the cream-colored envelope’s seal, careful not to rip too much. you wanted to preserve its crisp smoothness.

“y/n,” the note said...

“a gift to you,

a chocolatey treat,

a token of thanks

for being so sweet.

~ me”

your heart fluttered. you ran to the kitchen, opening the container and grabbing a freshly-cleaned fork from the metal sink. you dried it off on your apron before excitedly digging into the dessert. it was more of a brownie than a cake, you realized, with melted chocolate chunks stuffed inside. it tasted amazing.

you began wondering who this mystery gifter could’ve been. it couldn’t have been minho… it simply couldn’t have. the two of you were much too close. and he was always more confident than anybody you’d met. if he liked you, you would have already known. besides, things seemed to be going well with him and chaeyoung. no… this had to be someone else. jeongin, perhaps. he did always made such high praises about your cappuccino-crafting abilities. you looked to your left and right, peering around the kitchen for signs of life. but alas, you were all alone in the cafe.

then it hit you.

of course...

felix.

you recalled the first time you met. when you had him jot his number down on the piece of paper. you remembered his handwriting; the way some characters curled on the ends, the rounded shape of his letter e, the squiggly line he used before he signed his name… it was felix. it had to be.

and you were ecstatic.

the next day, you entered the shop to find a full house. it was a saturday morning, after all. you enjoyed the breakfast rush, mainly because you got the chance to show off your coffee-making skills. you made your way to the kitchen, greeting jeongin at the counter on your way in. you said hello to minho and seungmin as well, who were busy stand-mixing and hand-folding various types of batter. they were a great team, especially on mornings like those. though they tended to bicker about ingredients and proportions, the sweet treats they’d concoct always turned out excellently.

finally, felix emerged from the storage area, duster in hand. when he saw you, however, he froze. with his eyes wide and cheeks beginning to flush, he greeted you. “h-hi, y/n… good morning!”

you let out a bit of a giggle. does he know that i know? you asked yourself. granted, the mysterious gift giver signed off as ‘me,’ so you couldn’t say you were positive… but this reaction told you otherwise. “morning!”

he nodded, smiling nervously. he gestured to the storage room. “the shelves in there are all dusted now.”

“great! i think i’ll… um…” you pointed to the room, slipping past him to stash away your belongings and put on your apron.

“yep! you… do that…” he muttered as you walked away.

however, when you walked in, you found something peculiar displayed upon the shelf.

another envelope. and another container.

you turned back toward the door to find felix peeking in. you chuckled. “so it was you!”

he stepped to the side, coming into full view. “how’d you know?” he asked.

“i just… had a feeling.” you grinned.

he paused, a tight-lipped smile spread across his face. “well, open it.”

you placed your coat and bag on one of the shelves below. you then opened up the envelope just like you had the previous night: meticulously, yet enthralled. it read,

“another dessert

for a person so sweet

will you honor me kindly,

and go out with me?

YES / NO

~ me”

once you looked back up at him, felix commented, “you were supposed to circle one…” he then began rambling. “i thought you didn’t come in until later. you don’t have to say anything right now, or at all, and-”

though you thought it adorable, you cut off his nervous prattle, stating, “yes.”

his eyes grew even wider, his strawberry tinted lips forming a circular shape. “you mean…”

“i’ll go out with you, felix,” you confirmed.

his face lit up. and yours did, too.

thus, one date became two, two became four…

by the end of february, you were officially a couple.

you were a perfect match. each of you complimented each other so well, rivaling the bittersweetness of a good cappuccino when paired with a light and fluffy slice of cake. like minho, felix’s baking abilities and knowledge never ceased to amaze you. you explained the ins and outs of coffee brewing while he told you all about how he bakes his tasty treats. he even showed you some of the recipes his mom handed down to him from generations past.

his mom sounded so wonderful… yet, a part of you felt so sorry for her. felix’s dad left when he was young, and she’s always had to fend for herself and her son all on her own. however, when she was let go from her office position the previous year, things began to spiral. she took up two jobs: one at the local grocery store and another waitressing at a restaurant in the next town. she was always so busy. but felix understood. he tried helping out, especially by working at the supermarket with her that fall. nothing seemed to get any better.

that is, until he landed his job at the cafe.

felix constantly thanked you for helping him out. chan paid him a considerable amount more than what he’d received at the supermarket, which helped him and his mother out greatly. anything would. aside from telling how lovely, smart, witty, and gorgeous you were, felix’s mission in life was to remind you how you’d saved it.

one monday, you entered the storage room on your break to find a sight all too familiar. a handwritten note and small sliver of baked loveliness, all wrapped up in a metaphorical bow of allure and intrigue. nevertheless, however, you were still just as giddy as the first time you’d received one of felix’s treats. suddenly, you felt a finger graze along your shoulder, moving your hair to the side as an arm wrapped itself around your waist. two warm, pillowy lips made contact with your cheek, gently pecking the skin. felix.

you let out a giggle. “is this for me?” you asked, facetiously.

“of course,” he muttered beside your ear, his tone low, entrancing, and chill-inducing. he kissed your cheek again, holding you close and swaying you from side to side. “it’s another brownie. try it,” he suggested as his chin settled upon your shoulder.

you did as he said, biting into the small slice of fudgy goodness. to your surprise, chunks of melted caramel oozed out of the dessert, cutting through the rich chocolatiness of the brownie with a tangy edge. you hummed in satisfaction. “a salted caramel brownie,” you noted, swallowing your bite.

he chuckled. “i figured i’d finally try it out, maybe give some to my mom… do you like it?”

you placed the sweet back into its container and turned around in his arms, wrapping yours around his neck. you smiled. “i love it, lix. thank you.”

he grinned back at you. pulling you closer by the waist, he sealed the space between his lips and yours with a kiss. his lips were always even softer and more captivating than the texture of his confections. sweeter, too.

after his lips left yours, he gazed into your eyes, holding you close. “open the note, love.”

you excitedly spun back around, doing as instructed. opening the crisp white envelope seal and pulling out the folded sheet of paper, you read its contents.

“a caramel kiss

for you, my love.

i can’t give you the world.

but i hope i’m enough.

~ felix”

you paused. you were puzzled. visibly so, you figured, since when you turned around the look on felix’s face shifted.

he took your hand in his, rubbing small circles into the skin with his thumb. he kept his head down as he spoke. “i wish i could do more. i wish i could take you out to nice places, bake you batches of your favorite sweets, get you real gifts…”

a sharp pain struck your heart. “lix…” you murmured. “i don’t need any of those things. and as far as i’m concerned, these are ‘real gifts.’ they come from your heart. that’s as real as it gets.”

“i know, love, but…”

you placed a hand on his cheek, guiding him to look back up at you. “you don’t even have to do this stuff for me. i know that you care.”

he gave you a forced, shy smile. “okay. i’m glad.” he placed his own hand on top of yours, warm fingertips pressing gently against your skin.

“felix! y/n!” chan called from the kitchen. it was saturday night, and the last of the day’s customers were taking their leave. you were standing by the coffee-makers, in the middle of telling felix about the time you’d bested jeongin in a macchiato-making contest during a breakfast rush.

both of you turned toward the kitchen door, concerned. chan poked his head out. “can you come here a minute?” he looked serious. something was wrong.

nevertheless, the two of you obliged. holding hands, you made your way to the kitchen, led by chan to the cooling racks. “what’s up?” you asked.

chan cleared his throat before shoving his hands into his pockets. “i have reason to believe that one of you, or both, has violated protocol.”

you quickly grew confused. felix’s hand tightened around yours. you glanced at him, noticing how his face flushed pale. “uh…” he stammered.

“early this morning, seungmin pointed out that we’re low on cocoa powder. now, that’s odd, especially considering we had three cans of it yesterday. now we only have two.” you both nodded at him, following along. “...so i took a look at the camera footage.”

felix let go of your hand. “c-cameras?” he stuttered. you were even more confused.

“yeah. the cameras,” chan confirmed, looking felix dead in the eye. “i watched the footage from yesterday. and the day before.”

felix gulped. “you… you did….”

“what the hell is going on?” you asked.

chan let out a bit of a sigh. “y/n. were you aware that felix has been taking ingredients from the kitchen?”

your heart dropped.

you glanced at your boyfriend. he glanced back at you. he then bit his bottom lip, averting his eyes down to the floor. you looked back at chan, calmly answering, “no… i had no idea.”

“is that true?” chan asked.

“yes.” you then turned to felix, face ablaze. “it’s true.”

“then in that case, you can go for the night. i’d like to talk to felix. alone.”

after one last unreciprocated look at your boyfriend, you quickly rummaged through the storage room, collected your things, and left. you stood outside of the cafe, waiting for whatever might happen next. your stomach was doing flips. you couldn’t possibly believe what you’d heard.

minutes elapsed. it felt more like hours. all you could think to do was lean up against a lamp post and watch the gloomy clouds shift overhead. the sun was close to being fully set, casting a deep purple tint over the whole street landscape. and it looked as though it was about to rain.

after what felt like an exorbitantly long time, felix emerged from the shop. the door closed behind him as he bolted down the steps and onto the pavement, that familiar chime sending a chill through you. it sounded almost eerie that night. out of place. taunting.

“lix,” you called. you walked behind him, despite his quickening pace. but he wouldn’t stop or slow down. “lix,” you exclaimed again. no answer. finally, you grabbed his arm, realizing his apron was gone, and shouted, “felix! slow down.”

he scoffed, stopping dead in his tracks. “he fired me.”

you stared at him, blankly. once again, you couldn’t believe it.

“i tried to do something nice, and he fired me.”

“do you think it makes me feel any better?” you asked. “you getting yourself fired so you could make me little brownie experiments?” you paused, taking a deep breath. you were outraged. more so with yourself. you should’ve asked how he was finding the time or the resources to be doing what he was doing. you should’ve known. “i thought you needed this job. when were you gonna tell me you were a thief?”

“a thief?!” felix’s eyes seemed to be bulging out of his head. he was surprised at your verbiage. he’d never seen you upset like this. “y/n, i’m not a thief.” you rolled your eyes. his cheeks flushed crimson. a prickling sensation began around his eyes. a stinging, almost. tears. he looked down at his sneakers. tattered white converse. the same ones he wore every day to work. the same ones on which he’d splattered a few droplets of brownie batter during his latest attempt at making you a gift. now, it just looked like a stain of mud. “i didn’t just take cocoa powder. i took eggs… some milk… a couple cups of flour here and there… my mom got demoted at the restaurant. she works the bar now. she thinks i asked for the stuff. so yeah, i did need this job! i do need it. i just fucked up...” under his breath, trying not to give into the tears that prodded at his eyes, he remarked, “‘little brownie experiments’... that’s all they ever were to you? little brownie experiments...”

you realized what you’d said. of course that’s not all they were to you. they were everything to you. but that isn’t what you’d said. “lix… i-”

“you know what, you’re right,” he muttered, shifting his weight back and forth on his feet, hands clasped behind his back, and eyes rapidly blinking to avoid the inevitable. “they probably weren’t even all that good.”

you took a step closer to him. a drop of water fell onto your shoulder from above. “no.. no, that’s not what i-”

but, as quickly as you approached him, he stepped back. he locked eyes with you once again. his eyes were glossy; tainted with the aftereffects of a broken heart. suddenly, a steady stream of drizzling rain began to fall from the night sky above you. felix’s lip quivered. yet, with a furrowing brow, he continued. “you know what, maybe this was all a mistake.” his voice cracked a bit; frayed at the edges. “maybe i should’ve gotten a different job. at a place that would pay me enough to be able to buy my own shit and pay my mom’s bills.” the rain fell harder now, coating his hair and dragging it down over his face. you didn’t even feel it as it completely drenched you as well.

seeing him like this affected you just as much as your words did him. guilt. the panging, crushing weight of guilt laid heavily upon your heart. “felix…” you whimpered, tears of your own beginning to cloud your line of sight. though, you could still see clear enough to watch him shake his head, turning around and beginning his ascent up the avenue. clear as ever. even despite the pitter-patter of evening gloom.

sopping wet, you marched back into the shop. you ripped off your apron, throwing it down upon the counter. you then walked back behind it to start preparing to close up for the night. all you wanted was to go home.

that is, until you spotted an envelope tucked beside the cappuccino maker.

a creamy white envelope, with your name and a heart inscribed on the back. and a tupperware container. a single teardrop descended from the corner of your eye, resembling the droplets of rain that covered your form. you carefully took hold of the envelope. you gently tore it open, making sure not to rip it, just like you’d done the very first and subsequent times.

“another present

for my love;

my dear y/n,

sent from above.

~ felix”

a drop of rain fell from your hair onto the page, dampening his name. the black ink began to run, the letters seeping into each other.

you could no longer control your tears. you took a seat on the floor, back resting against a leg of the table upon which the coffee makers stood. the metal was cold. but you paid it no mind. with your head on your knees, legs bent and arms wrapped around them, you cried. audibly. you couldn’t believe how you’d spoken to him. you should’ve known that he didn’t have the money to bake you these little presents on his own. you should’ve realized from the moment he confirmed it was him. at least, that’s what you thought to yourself as the tears expelled themselves from your system.

he just wanted to make you something special. yes, he broke the rules. yes, he stole from the cafe. and yes, he knew it was wrong. but he just wanted to make you something special. it was the only way he believed he could. and you wish you’d seen that. not just so you could’ve prevented it, but also so you could’ve appreciated it even more. so you could’ve seen that not only was he working overtime to make you something you might enjoy, but that he was risking his job for you and his mother. it wasn’t a perfect gesture - not by a long shot. but he meant well. he always did. and you didn’t even give him the chance to explain.

you loved him.

after a few moments of solitude, you regained your breath. you sniffled, looking down at the note. you then stood back up, taking hold of the container. its contents looked delicious. but you couldn’t consume it. not even if you’d been hungry. so, you dumped it into the trashcan beside the table. and, with a deep, shaky breath, you ripped up the letter and envelope into tiny pieces. it was a bittersweet feeling, letting go. but you had to do it. and so, home you went.

a week passed. things never really changed at the cafe once felix left. weeknights were still as slow as ever. maybe even slower. you missed him.

minho emerged from the kitchen one evening to find you wiping down the cappuccino maker with a coffee-stained rag. it was the third time you’d done it that day. twice more than you were getting paid for. and of course he noticed. “how’re you holding up?” he asked.

you barely glanced up at him, busy rubbing the same spot on the metal machine over and over. this stupid stain just wouldn’t budge. each time you’d gone over it that day, you couldn’t seem to make it go away. it plagued your mind, infiltrating your subconscious when you least expected it until you finally decided to go back to it for the second time, then the third. it was a real mood killer. though your mood hadn’t been very lively when the day began, either. “‘m fine,” you replied through gritted teeth, brows angled inward as your focus remained on the task at hand.

“are you?” he questioned, playfully. he leaned on the counter behind you, crossing his arms and watching you scrub. “you’ve been going at it with that thing for hours now. what’d it ever do to y-”

“i’m fine!” you interjected. you then paused, both in speech and action. suddenly, you were aware of how fast you’d been rubbing the machine. as well as how loud your voice had raised itself. you turned around. “...sorry.”

he gave a pitied smile, crossing his arms. “it’s ok. i’m fine,” he replied, mimicking you. it made you chuckle. he was glad it did. “is, uh… is this a bad time to ask you to lock up? i’ve got a.. uh…”

“a date?” you supposed, unfeeling.

he cleared his throat, glancing between you, the clock above you, and his shoes. “yeah,” he confirmed. “with chaeyoung. would you mind?”

“not at all.”

“you sure?” you nodded. “alright… i owe you one… or ten...” he joked, untying his apron.

“no you don’t,” you murmured, eyes drifting to the side. you almost turned back around, heart set on getting to that stain, until you felt his hand on your arm. you glanced at each other for a moment. he looked sad. sorry. he pitied you. and you hated it. yet, as he took you in his arms, wrapping you into a tight, benevolent hug, you became a little less tense. a little less angry. you hugged him back, burying your face into his shoulder. this was the first time you’d ever engaged in such a gesture with your coworker. sure, you were friends. and sure, you’d talked about some deep stuff on nights like these with nothing better to do. but this was different. meaningful. sweet.

after a moment, minho remarked, “you know i miss him too, right?” he sounded mockingly peeved. “he was your boyfriend but he was my friend.”

you looked up at him, confused. “you’re not still friends?”

he chuckled. “no! he’s avoiding me the same way he’s avoiding you.”

laughing with him, you responded, “shit… i’m sorry, minho.”

“you have nothing to apologize for.” he let go of you, hands remaining on your sides for a moment. “you both messed up. it’s not all your fault.” you nodded to him, a reluctant, close-lipped smile upon your face. he glanced up at the clock again before pulling his apron off. “i’ve gotta go. thanks again for locking up, y/n.” he walked past the counter to the front of the store. “i’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” he added, pointing at you while striding backwards toward the door.

“see you tomorrow,” you replied, waving to him. “have fun.” you still sounded a bit bitter. you couldn’t help it.

“thanks,” he said. the chimes twinkled as the door closed. it haunted you.

and with that, he was gone. nothing but you, your rag, and that unnerving coffee stain for another half-hour’s time.

you heard the opening and closing of the door behind you once again. with a sigh, not even bothering to turn around, you blurted, “we’re about to lock up for the night.”

no response. odd. maybe they didn’t hear you. you tried again, raising your voice a bit but continuing your attempts to clear up the stain all the while. “i apologize, but we’re closed for the night-”

“one salted caramel brownie, please.”

a familiar voice. a familiar, low-toned, nostalgia-inducing voice. the voice that, at one time, softened for you… close enough to your ear to make your stomach tie itself in knots. the voice that made you giggle, the voice that called you “love”... the voice that cracked when faced with the realization that it was never to be heard by you again. you spun around.

a familiar face, too.

felix.

his eyes gazed into yours. somber, silent.

“y-you...”

“hey.”

tags: @magglesx, @crscendoforsung, @stayndays, @hanniiesuckle17, @leggomylino, @freckledberries, @pixielix, @skzctnightnight, @serenityswords-main, @childofthecosmos, @changbinniee, @kpopscape, @skzwriternet, @hyunsins, @sleepylixie, @ncityluvvs, @vera-liscious (send a 🍓 in my ask box to be added for skz !)

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ghostdrew22 · 3 years

Note

Can i get a draco x reader where the reader is obsessed with the yule ball but unfortunately she gets into a accident so she in a wheel chair for a few days and draco likes the reader so he makes her day memorable by picking her up and making her dance like the scene in twilight.

Requested: Yes Pairing: Draco Malfoy x fem!reader Warnings: a bit of angst i guess, swearing, insecurity, an injury, asshole!theo nott Summary: Draco x reader where the reader gets injured before the Yule Ball and Draco swoops in to make the night memorable for her.

WORDS : 2451

Not going to lie, I struggled a bit with this one and I ended up focusing more on the build up than the actual scene but I hope you like it because I’m quite happy with the way it turned out.

Lyric snippets I used are from “High School Sweethearts” by Melanie Martinez and they’re not in chronological order, I honestly just put them in randomly.

Anyway, love you all,

jean <3

<~>

“Y//N, I’m bored.” Draco grumbles as he sits down on your lap- resting all of his body weight on you and trying to annoy you.

You grunt at the action but get comfortable regardless- propping your chin up on his shoulder and resting your arms around his waist like you usually do when he sits on you for fun. “Well, we could go over plans for Friday.”

“If I have to hear you talk about that damn ball one more time I swear to Merlin I’m going to kill myself in the Black Lake.”

“Promise?” You ask perkily and he lifts up one of his hands to flick your head, “Sorry!”

You both laugh and he rolls off of you and into the seat beside you. “Okay but seriously, I’m bored.”

You laugh and shake your head as you get off the couch, “I’m going to do my muggle studies homework in the library- if you come along then when we’re done we can do whatever you like.” You offer your best friend and he tilts his head to the side as he considers your offer before grinning and jumping off the couch.

“You’ve chosen some very bad words.”

“You also have to listen to my Yule Ball ideas.” You add and he groans.

“That’s not fair-“

“Take it or leave it.”

“Fine.” He mumbles with an eye-roll as the two of you walk out of the Slytherin commons and toward the library.

“And damn it, if you fuck me over I will rip your fucking face apart”

“If you cheat, you will die, die”

“So I was talking to Theo and he basically suggested that we wear matchin-“ As you and Draco walk toward the library, and you relay all of your thoughts regarding the Yule Ball to him, you come across Theodore Nott. Your date to the Yule Ball- technically your boyfriend considering the fact that you’ve been flirting with each other for weeks- shoved up against a wall with another girl’s lips on his.

You and Draco freeze in the hallway and take in the scene- trying to decide how best to react. Draco takes a step forward- ready to defend your honour- but you’ve already yanked the girl away from Theo by her hair and swung your fist straight into his face.

“You must accept that I’m a little out of my mind”

A crackling sound is heard followed by the shriek of your voice- “You filthy piece of shit!”

Theo stumbles backward then grips his bleeding nose in shock- obviously not expecting you to have had such a strong hook- “You bitch!”

“I guess your mother and I have something in common then.” You spit back and his eyes widen in fury as he regains his balance and walks toward you.

 “What the fuck did you just say?”

“I know that it’s dark and lonely in there for your two single braincells but I feel like the quip was quite straightforward. You are a son of a bitch.” You grit out with venom lacing your words and Draco sucks in a large breath from behind the two of you- watching the scene unfold and deciding that it’s best to let you handle it.

Theo laughs coldly and runs a fist beneath his nostrils to wipe away some dripping blood, “This is exatly why I didn’t make things official with you, you’re fucking psychotic.”

“Oh please, you’ve got to have something better than that.” You scoff and roll your eyes.

“If you can't handle the choking, the biting The loving, the smothering 'Til you can't handle it no more, no more Go home”

“You know what? You’re right.” He sniffs and bends down a little lower so that you’re both eye level- just so that he can patronise you. “You’re clingy, bitchy and honestly I could do a lot better than you looks-wise. You make me want to bash my head into a wall and the only reason I asked you to the Yule Ball, and flirted with you, was to get Daphne Greengrass’s attention.”

“Fine, since I make you so goddamn miserable we can end all of this here.” You crane your neck and shrug, “If you can’t handle me then you can fuck right off.”

“I will!” 

“Theo-“ Draco calls out to the fellow Slytherin, perhaps hoping to talk him out of the stupid decision he’s about to make, but Theo’s having none of it.

“Oh, sod off!” Theo shouts back as he walks away from you and Draco and gives you both the middle finger.

You take a moment to breathe before the adrenaline runs out and the searing pain in your fist comes rushing at full force. “Ow, crap!” You exclaim as you hurriedly grab your bag from off the floor and start running toward Madame Pomfrey.

“Y/N! Wait up!” Draco shouts from behind you as he tries to run with you.

“Run faster!” You shout with a giggle as you turn to stick your tongue out at him. Then it happens.

You turn back to watch where you’re running, but it’s too late and before you know it, you’re tumbling down one of the many flights of stairs that graces Hogwarts.

~~~

“You’re such a dumb shit.” Draco mumbles from beside you with a chuckle.

“I know, shut up.” You snap back at him but you can’t hide the slight smile tugging on your lips.

After your beatdown fight with the stairs, you got carried to Madame Pomfrey’s and had to be treated for your fist injury as well as the ones you sustained from your tumble. She was quick to give you a potion for pain and immediately got started examining you- deducing that you’d sprained one of your legs and hit your head, but not hard enough to contract a concussion.

So now you’re sat in one of the beds with your leg hanging above you in a cast, a bandage wrapped around your head and one wrapped around your fist. Madame Pomfrey walks back with a wheelchair and gives you a stern look as she gently unhooks your leg and lays it down on the bed.

“Now, you’re going to need to use this for a week, then after the initial week I will examine you again and either remove your cast or put you on crutches.”

“Wait, a week?” You furrow your eyebrows and she nods, “But the Yule Ball is in three days.” You frown.

“You won’t be able to dance but you can still have a nice time.” She offers you a wayward smile and you nod faintly with a thin smile- trying not to think about how the night you’d had perfectly planned out for weeks is suddenly coming apart before your eyes.

She helps you into the wheelchair and then her and Draco have an exchange in which he promises to get you to dinner, and back to the dorms, in one piece. Then before you know it Draco is wheeling you out of the ward and toward the Great Hall, but you’re not particularly hungry and instead want to lie down.

“Draco?”

“Hm?”

“Do you mind just taking me to my dorm? I’m not in the mood to eat.”

He stops abruptly and peers his head round your shoulder so that you can see each other, “You’re not hungry? It’s apple pie night.”

“I’m not in the mood for apple pie.”

“Uh oh, what’s wrong?”

“You mean besides the fact that I technically just got cheated on and then landed myself in a wheelchair, leaving me injured and dateless three days before the Yule Ball?” You raise your eyebrows and he laughs, “Nothing really.”

“Okay that’s fair… You want to talk?” You shake your head in response and he nods silently as he thinks. “Okay, how about I bring food up to your dorm and we can sit and eat it in silence together instead?”

“I can do that.”

So Draco does as you ask, despite it being a very long trip for him, and drops you off in your dorm room before collecting dinner for you both and returning to join you.

“Give me passion, don't make fun of my fashion”

You finish up your dinner with a laugh as Draco shakes his head at you.

“That’s a ghastly dress Y/N.” He says as he looks at the y/f/c dress you’d originally picked out for the Yule Ball- before you realised that the cut was too small and wouldn’t be accommodating to your hips.

“Hey!” You gasp and toss a pillow at him as you both laugh, “Don’t be rude.”

“I don’t have that setting.”

“I noticed.” You grumble and sigh as you fall back against your headboard.

“Are you sure that you’re okay?”

You look down at your fingers as you fiddle with them and make a thinking face, “I don’t know.”

“That’s okay- not knowing, I mean.” He reaches out for your hands and encapsulates them in his own, “What he did was shitty, it’s not your fault and none of the things he said about you are true. But it’s okay to be confused between anger, sadness, relief-“

“Relief?” You raise your eyebrows up at him in question with a smirk, “Why would I be relieved that he called me a clingy and psychotic bitch?”

“I-“

“I mean maybe that’s arousing for someone with a degradation kink like yourself but I found that quite demeaning.” You tease with a wide grin at the sight of his frustrated and annoyed features.

“You know I was going to offer myself up as your new date but-“ He trails off as you cut him off.

“I’m sorry! Please go with me?” You whine and he laughs.

“Since you’re begging…” You throw another pillow at him and he raises his hands up in surrender, “Okay, okay! I’d love to be your date to the Yule Ball.”

“I know you would.” You smile proudly.

“Pansy will just have to deal.”

~~~

“You can't be scared to show me off and hold my hand”

“Draco, are you sure this isn’t too much?” You peer your eyes up at him- referring to the dress his mother had tailor made for you.

“Y/N, my mother was more excited than you when I told her that we were going together and she could send you dresses tfor you to try- it’s nowhere near too much.” He reassures you with a chuckle.

“Thank you so much, it’s truly exquisite.”

“No, thank you.”

“For?”

“Giving me the opportunity to take the prettiest girl in our year out to the Yule Ball.”

“I don’t remember convincing Cho Chang to lower her standards to yo-“

“Why do I bother?” He mumbles to himself and you giggle.

“Thank you, and you look great too.”

“I know.” He smiles smugly before walking behind you so he can push your wheelchair. “Now let’s go in so that I can show off my incredible date and best friend.”

“If you think you can be my one and only true love You must promise to love me”

After an hour of you and Draco sitting by a table- eating, laughing, observing how ridiculous everyone looks on the dance floor- you start to feel an immense weight in the pit of your stomach, a reminder as to why you’re sat on a chair instead of dancing the night away with your date, and you have to look away from Draco to hide the tears that are pricking at your eyes.

He notices the change in your demeanor and furrows his eyebrows in confusion, trying to figure out what exactly changed your energy so quickly- then his eyes scan the room and land on Theo dancing with Daphne and a wave of realization hits him like a freight train. He clears his throat to drag your attention toward him and you swallow hard before plastering on a fake smile and meeting his eyes. “You know, she doesn’t look as good as you do.”

You tilt your head to the side in confusion for a second before registering that he’s referring to Daphne. “Oh.” You look back at her and Theo, “I really want to believe you but it’s kind of hard to do that when I’m staring straight at her holding the guy that picked her over me.”

“Bu-“

“It’s okay, really.” You give him a wayward smile, “I think I see why he likes her and not me, she’s just better.” You shrug before continuing, “There was some merit in Theo’s words that day, I am a bit much too handle and I guess she just isn’t.”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that.” Draco furrows his eyebrows at you, “There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re not too much Y/N, you’re just enough and he’s a fool not to see what an incredible person you are.”

“Drac-“

“I love you. And not like best friend love, like you’re my soulmate and I want to spend the rest of my life with you love.” He interrupts you with his confession before he loses the nerve, once again, to tell you how much you mean to him. “And I know that we’re still young, it sounds ridiculous of me to say something like that so confidently but it’s true and I just know it.”

He takes a moment to breathe before continuing, “You don’t have to feel the same way, I honestly don’t expect you to, but I want you to know that I plan to love you forever whether it be as your best friend or more.”

“You’re such a sap.” You finally breathe out with a soft smile on your face once he’s done, “I love you too, you fucking idiot.”

“You’re so bloody rude.” He grumbles out with a grin, “But you’re still the only one for me.”

“That I am.” You laugh out with a smile. “I’m sorry that I got myself injured, we could be having our first dance right now.”

He goes silent for a moment before a grin sneaks its way onto his face suddenly, “Who said we can’t?”

“What do you mea-“

Before you can even finish he’s standing up, snaking his arms around your waist and delicately pulling you up off of your wheelchair and into his arms. You gasp at the sudden movements and struggle to find balance in his arms but he does the work for you and helps you rest one arm along his while he takes the other hand in his own fingers and holds you up by your waist- with your feet resting on his. “Is this okay? Are you comfortab-“

“It’s perfect.” You cut him off with a content sigh and a smile as you start to sway back and forth gently.

“You’re perfect.”

“I know.” You giggle.

“Cocky.” He scoffs before dropping his lips down to meet your own- making you heave another content sigh against his lips.

“Merlin, It was about time you disgusting lovebirds got together!” You hear Pansy utter from somewhere behind you and drop your head into Draco’s shoulder as you both laugh at her comment.

#draco #draco malfoy #draco x y/n #draco x you #yule ball #draco fluff #draco angst #draco malfoy fluff #draco imagine #draco fanfiction #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy angst #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagine #harry potter x reader #theodore nott #daphne greengrass

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d0llpie · 3 years

Note

hey can i request prompt 47 with tanaka also super angsty like i want to cry

Miscarriage

tanaka x reader

Prompt: “i lost the baby”

Trigger warnings: miscarriage, heavy angst, like really a whole lot of painful angst just angst

a/n: thanks for the request, i hope you cry <3 I will be making a part 2 btw

wc: 2.6k part 2

You were arguing with Tanaka, again. It started when he came home around an hour ago, three hours past when you planned a date with him. It had taken ages for you to convince him to go on a proper date since he was always ‘busy’. You needed to tell him you were pregnant, wanted to celebrate with him. Instead you were left with 50 unread messages and Tanaka waltzing in the house as if nothing was wrong. When he came and kissed you on the cheek “hey baby” like nothing had happened you snapped. “Where the fuck were you Ryu?” you stood up from the kitchen bench and begun throwing accusation after accusation at him while he just stood shocked, belittling you for ‘overreacting’ at his ‘simple mistake’.

“Oh you want me to apologize for being stood up? Hm?” You throat felt raw from the screaming, desperately just wanting him to apologize and tell him about the baby so you could make up and move on. Tanaka, stubborn as ever, wouldn’t let that happen. “I never said that, you’re working yourself up, stop stressing yourself out.” His calm tone only irked you even more, he could at least pretend to care. “What were you doing that had you so pre-occupied? Or should I ask who?” he snapped his head towards you, visibly annoyed, at least you finally caught his full attention. “What the fuck y/n? Are you seriously accusing me of cheating because I forgot about your stupid date? You know we can go on a date any other time why are you acting like such a bitch right now? Fuck sake you’re so dramatic.” You fought back the tears in your eyes, slamming your fist down on the table “When was the last time we went on a date- a real one? I wanted to spend some time with you ALONE for once to talk to you, but instead you can’t even tell me why you were soo busy to even send me a text cancelling.” A few stray tears slipped out in frustration, but you continued to glare at him, egging him on further. “I was out with some friends Jesus y/n, why do you have to bring your insecurities into everything.” You were hit with a wave of nostalgia, he’d said that line to you when you started dating in high school.

“Tanaka, hey baby, I was wondering if you wanted to come to my class to eat lunch today, I want to tell you something” You smiled up at your boyfriend as he smiled back “Of course baby! I gotta go to practice, want to come watch?” he pecked your cheek quickly, smiling widely at you proudly “Oh sorry, I have to study for a text next period but I’ll see you at lunch!” his face dropped but the bell rang, signaling your next class “Bye Tanaka!” you waved cheerily as he walked back towards the gym.

y/n: Hi, I’m in my class for lunch now :) see you soon <3

read

You frowned holding the homemade lunch you had wanted to give him. After around 15minutes you realized he wasn’t coming. You went to the gym to see if he was there with Noya, you entered the gym and found them both watching Kiyoko with lovesick expressions on their faces, spewing out compliments profusely. “Tanaka.. hey” he looked over to see you in the doorway “Y/N, hey! What’s up?” you stood there in shock for a minute before clearing your throat “Um can I talk to you?” he looked over at Kiyoko who was ignoring Nishinoya before reluctantly making his way over to you. “How come you didn’t come to lunch” you frowned lightly and he sighed “Its not like you came to my practice either, plus, I was hanging out with my friends, don’t bring your insecurities into this I told you Kiyoko doesn’t like me.” He pouted and you felt your heart clench. “Do you still like her?” you whispered and although he heard you, he pretended he didn’t. You plastered on a fake smile before retreating to the classroom, ignoring his texts and calls for the rest of the day until he brought you a bouquet of roses the next day. It was your first of multiple fights over his obvious crush on his manager. Eventually you got sick of the fighting and sappy make-ups so you just ignored it, knowing he could never have her and was with you because he loved you. Right?

“Fine. I’m sorry for accusing you, I’m not sorry for everything else, why won’t you just fucking talk to me!” The exhaustion from fighting was catching up with you and you began to feel light-headed. “Because it’s not a big deal y/n! Wait-what’s wrong?” you sighed, leaning against the wall “It’s the fucking baby and this stupid fight what do you think.” You spat at him and he stopped thinking for a moment. “Baby?” you looked up to see him smiling nervously at you “Yeah you’d have known if you hadn’t stood me up.” He pinched the bridge of his nose “we’re having a baby, can you let this go?” you scoffed, done with this fight you stormed up to your shared bedroom, crawling into bed and staying as far from his side as possible. You placed a hand over your stomach, softly crying into the pillow while Tanaka stayed downstairs, opting to sleep on the couch.

Noya: Yoo how’d y/n take it?

Tanaka: she’s pregnant

Noya: oh shit, what’re you gonna do

Tanaka: what do you mean what am I gonna do? Raise a baby I guess, fuck idk man

Noya: that’s tough, Kiyoko is staying at mine😍 pray for me bro🙏🏼😩

Tanaka: lucky, i’m on the fucking couch

Noya: sucks🥶

He sighed before turning his phone off, fuck.

The next day you woke up to breakfast in bed and a very happy Tanaka smiling at you, “good morning, how are my babies feeling?” you wanted to roll your eyes and stay mad but you couldn’t deny the way your heart fluttered when he referred to you and your child as his babies. “good morning ryu..what’s all this?” you were expecting an apology like usual, or at least for him to acknowledge what happened “You’re eating for two now I guess! When’s your next appointment?” he seemed really freaked out so you placed a hand over his “next week, are you feeling okay?” you pressed the back of your hand against his forehead, he felt fine just a little sweaty. “I’m good, want to go out for dinner after work?” you were hesitant but nodded “You’ll come right?” it’s like his mood did a 180 when you said that “What’s that supposed to mean” he spoke through gritted teeth, trying to remain calm and collected. “You know…yesterday?” he scoffed “still hung up on that huh? You gonna berate me for every mistake I make when this baby pops out of you?” you were wide awake now “woah wait, I didn’t say that-“ “you accuse me of stuff, why can’t I do the same?” his tone was growing angrier by each syllable he spoke. You looked down in your lap, feeling your eyes well up with tears again. “Tanaka please stop” you whispered and he snapped “Yeah doesn’t feel great when you just want to stop but they keep going huh?” you don’t even remember why he was getting worked up, because you didn’t want him to stand you up again? You fiddled with your fingers and zoned out while he continued yelling.

You finally looked up when you heard the bedroom door close, breathing in deeply before hunching over as a sharp pain in your abdomen stopped you from making any big or sudden movements. You groaned out in pain, stopping Tanka immediately. Tanaka ran a hand over his head stressfully “are you okay? Shit. Uh, I’m going to call an ambulance” you groaned again “Call Yachi, she can take me I think we need some-“ tears pricked your eyes and you started to sweat “space, I’ll call you when I’m there.” You could see his eyes well up with tears. His hands were opening and closing, wanting to hold you but knowing better than to do that.

Yachi came over shortly after and lead you to the car. Tanaka saw the blood on your shorts and held his breath, letting a few tears roll down his cheeks. You were silent in the car over, crying softly and groaning in pain every few minutes. Yachi looked over worriedly at you, holding your hand and letting you squeeze her hand for reassurance. “Y/n don’t move ill get a nurse to help you out.” You arrived through the emergency section of the hospital and texted Tanaka

y/n: I’m going into the emergency room now

tanaka: okay, let me know what’s happening

He shut off his phone with a shaky breath, deciding to call his friends over.

Tanaka: Noya?

Noya: hey bro what’s up

Tanaka: Y/n’s in the hospital, can you come over?

Noya: What happened? Kiyoko is here man..

Tanaka: Bring her here, I don’t know what happened she started bleeding and crying

Noya: wtf? Did you hit her?

Tanaka: You know I’d never do that. I think it’s the baby…

Noya: We’re on our way, we have whiskey

Tanaka heard knocking and made his way to the door, he opened it to see Noya and Kiyoko there. “Hey, thank you both for coming.” he stepped aside to let them enter “So how’d the break-up go, is she okay?” he looked quizzically at Noya “You didn’t tell her?” he shook his head “sorry, we were watching a movie..” Tanaka looked unamused by Noya before turning to Kiyoko “We started fighting about me hanging with you guys instead of our date and she told me she was pregnant” Kiyoko looked at him disappointedly “You left a pregnant girl?!” it was unusual for Kiyoko to raise her voice but she felt horrible your you, she knew how much you loved Tanaka and she always felt guilty in high school for what you had to put up with, because of her. “What? No! I didn’t break up with her because she’s pregnant but now...I don’t know, she was bleeding and in pain and she’s in the emergency room now..” Kiyoko was restraining from slapping him, digging her nails into her palms. “Why aren’t you with your pregnant girlfriend, it’s bad enough you don’t love her and now this? You know a baby requires actually raising a human?” He dropped his head down, “I know, I already feel horrible…what if something’s happening to the baby?” he sat down on the couch, taking the bottle from Noya’s hand and taking a swig. “You can still raise a baby and not be together…” Noya spoke up, sitting down next to him while Kiyoko turned the tv on. “It’s not fair on you guys or the baby if you stay together.” He knew he was right, he’d been putting this off for too long, he settled for you and got comfortable with the live you showed him that eventually he stopped showing it back. He can’t remember when he fell out of love but he didn’t want to leave you, he loved you still he just wasn’t in love with you. Deep down you knew, you never let yourself think that for long though. Afraid you’ll end up leaving him, Yachi had tried to get you to leave before but you could never stand the idea. Lately it was like you were already broken up, two awkward college roommates. The idea of raising a baby with him scared you, you were so stressed and sick of overthinking that you passed out in the hospital after a few hours, forgetting to call Tanaka.

You stepped out of the car, hesitating to close the door as you breathed in deeply. It was around 4pm the next day and you had just been discharged from the hospital. “Do you want me to wait here?” Yachi asked from the drivers seat, her eyes were red and puffy, she’d been up all night holding your hand and crying with you. “I think it’ll be okay…why is Kiyoko’s car here?” your eyes stuck to the black car in the driveway that you knew was Kiyoko’s “y/n, i’m gonna wait here you should go inside hes probably worried…” you nodded before approaching the front door. Your legs felt like lead as you stepped up to the door, taking your key out and unlocking the door.

“Ryu?” you moved further into the house, seeing a passed out Tanaka on the couch across from a passed out Kiyoko. “Tanaka.” You said a little louder, making him stir.

Noya came into the living room from behind you “hey y/n, how are you?” he looked hungover and that’s when you noticed the empty bottles on the floor. “Hi noya- Tanaka!” you yelled this time, waking up both Kiyoko and Tanaka. “Y/n? heyyy, how was the hospital?” he yawned and sat up groggily, rubbing his eyes. You wanted to run to him and hold him, but you stopped yourself, trying not to focus on how tight your chest felt and the tears building up in your eyes again. “Y/n?” you heard Kiyoko’s soft voice from beside you and you broke down into tears, she caught you before you fell and moved you to the couch, rubbing your back. “I lost the baby.” You continued to cry as the other three in the room sat frozen. “Y/n, i’m so sorry, i’m so so sorry, I’ll come back later but I think we should go…Noya?” Kiyoko hugged you tightly before grabbing Noya and exiting the house.

Tanaka was silent, tears rolling down his cheeks. “What happened y/n?” he avoided looking in your eyes “they said it was because of stress…Tanaka I can’t take this anymore..” you sniffled looking in your lap. He looked up to see how tired and broken you looked, feeling his heart clench. “Y/n, I swear Kiyoko and Noya came over to hang out, I don’t have feelings fo-“ “It’s not about your feelings for her, it’s about your feelings for me…I need you to be honest” he gripped your hand, his lip quivering “I don’t want to lose you y/n…” “You aren’t in love with me Tanaka, i’m not stupid” you chuckled softly, rubbing the rest of your tears away. His silence said enough and so you stood up. “Y/n, don’t go” you scoffed “you can’t keep doing this to me, making me stay with you like this” you commended yourself on the way your voice didn’t waver. “I know, I know, but I-“ he stopped himself, knowing he couldn’t stop you. “I still care about you, I always will.” You nodded, cupping his cheek softly “I know baby, I love you Ryu.”

You walked back outside and sat in the passenger seat of Yachi’s car. You put on some music and she looked over at you before driving away, not asking any questions.

Tanaka sat on the floor of his lounge room, staring into his hands and crying, you were really gone and he couldn’t fix it, it was him who pushed you away anyway. It was him who had to deal with it now.

a/n: sorry for writing this, i might make a happy ending part 2, send me ideas if you would like to see that <3

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amphxtrite · 3 years

Text

harry potter x fem!reader

warnings: ⚠️tw⚠️ suicide, substance abuse, blood, suicidal thoughts, alcohol, depression, anxiety, breakdowns, kissing, overall pure angst with a fluffy ending.

currently unedited please excuse grammatical mistakes

summary: A summer changes the girl harry potter fell in love with, leaving her with more pain than she’d ever admit.

a/n: there are many things in here that may be triggering, please consider the warnings before reading.

word count: 6k (writing this really helped get my feelings out)

taglist: @oldschoolkiddo

please message me to be added to my taglist

enjoy <3

__________________________________________

Rushing down the Hogwarts halls, bags slung over your shoulder and sun shining through the windows, you scour the crowds of students leaving Hogwarts for summer vacation, trying to pick a familiar brunette with green eyes.

Rounding the corner, you spot three gryffindors chatting by a stone pillar and run towards them, crashing into one of the boy’s backs.

“Guess who?” You giggle, feeling Harry’s chest vibrate as he chuckles.

“Hm, I don’t know, is it Hagrid?” He teases, running his chin as Hermione grins. “Nope.” You laugh, popping the ‘p’

“Is it Dumbledore?” Harry tries again, placing his hand over yours and stroking his thumb over your fingers. “Afraid not lightning.”

“Well then, perhaps is it y/n?” Harry turns, wrapping you in his arms as you laugh and hug him back.

“Are you guys ready for summer?” You ask, glancing around at Hermione and Ron before glancing back at Harry.

They all bore similar expressions, small smiles with a ‘maybe’ face. You roll your eyes.

“Don’t tell me you’re off to save the world over summer too.” You sigh, releasing yourself from Harry’s arms and walking to Ron to give him a hug.

“We won’t get in too much trouble.” Ron chuckles, patting you on the back and letting you walk over to Hermione.

“We just never know at this point.” She shrugs, squeezing you tightly.

“Well I’ll meet you guys on the train!” You smile.

The ride back to your platform was as it always was, the trees whipped by and swayed. The sky was lined with puffy white clouds. The snack trolley passed and you bought yourself a chocolate frog and some ‘every flavour’ beans to share with your mom when you got home, a tradition as they were her favourite, and because she needed a little happiness with you off at school and your father gone.

Sitting back and sighing. The golden trio finally arrived at your cabin and told you about their summer plans. Hermione was travelling, Ron was staying home and Harry was staying with the Dursley’s until he could ‘find a reason to escape to the Weasley’s’ as he put it.

The train arrives at your stop and you grab your bags to leave.

“Write to me if you can, all of you, and I’ll see you next year.” You smile, walking back over to Harry and planting a quick kiss to his cheek, ruffling Ron’s hair and kissing Hermione’s forehead.

“Bye y/n!” Ron and Hermione chime.

“Bye thunder!” Harry calls as you turn again and wave. “Bye lightning, bye guys!” You smile, rushing off to the train.

“So you finally told her?” Ron chuckles, patting Harry on the back.

“What are you talking about?” Harry asks furrowing his eyebrows.

“We know you like her mate, and she just kissed you on the cheek!” Ron continues.

“W-Well maybe I do fancy her, but she gave Mione a kiss too!” Harry stammers, his face going as red as his uniform.

“That was platonic Harry, we can tell she likes you, lightning.” Hermione teases using your nickname for him.

“Listen, I don’t want to jump to conclusions and creep y/n out. She’s an amazing friend and I’d like it to stay that way.” Harry smiles, looking off into the distance to see you still walking away.

“Even if she does like you back?” Ron questions.

“Well you don’t know if she does.” Harry sighs, rolling his eyes.

Your eyes scan the station for your mother, swiveling your head back and forth to find her but only seeing other families being reunited with their children.

Pursing your lips you sigh and wait for a moment. Hoping and praying that this year would be different, and your mother would come running to you with open arms. Seconds fade to minutes, and soon the station is almost empty as excited parents rush home to hear about Hogwarts adventures.

You pull your luggage behind you as you walk to the front of the station and hail a muggle cab, leaning your head against the cool window as the pink skies shine above you, the driver makes no move for conversation, so your drive is silent, and when you finally reach your old house, you hand the man driving the rest of your muggle allowance and nod him goodbye.

Your house was looking as quiet and calm as you had left it.

The flowers you had planted last summer had wilted, the porch sat empty and the stairs still creaked as you approached the door. Home.

You smile as you turn your key in the lock and push open the door, setting your bags on the floor as you set out, candy in hand in search of your mother. The kitchen sat empty with only the soft hum of the refrigerator suggesting someone still lived here. The living room was empty, the old leather couch seemed to be collecting dust and the tv looked like an ancient artifact with the cobwebs strung on the sides. As you ascend the stairs to the second floor, you notice the blinds to every window suspiciously closed. Odd, your mother usually enjoyed watching the sunset.

The floorboards beneath you give high pitched creaks as you walk across the hallways, something you had always despised, especially as a child trying to sneak sweets in the early hours.

Pushing open your mothers bedroom, your eyebrows furrow as her bed laid neatly made, with not a thing out of place. The usual mess of pill bottles and plastic bottles had been cleaned, the pile of clothes had disappeared and she was still nowhere to be found. A sense of dread bubbles in the pit of your stomach as you push on, checking her closet and even your own room for your mom, but nothing.

You turn around with a plan to head to town and see if she was visiting the pharmacy for her pills again, or maybe the grocery store, heck, maybe she had stopped at the corner store for cigarettes again. You turn to shrug on a jacket and leave, but as you reach for the front door knob again, your head snaps up and your blood runs cold.

“No, no, no. Please no.” You repeat to yourself, running up the stairs with tears in your eyes and you approach the one room you had yet to check. The one place your head told you she was, but your heart refused to believe. There was no way it could be true. She’d be opening the door right now, the sound of keys clattering on the table in the kitchen would alert you she was there. She’d say, “I’m sorry I couldn’t pick you up, work was awful today.” And she’d proceed to pull out her groceries so you could prepare your favourite meal together, after dinner you would sit on the couch and you’d tell her all about your school girl crush on Harry Potter and she’d tease you as she popped a jelly bean into her mouth and give you the best motherly advice you could ask for. You pause at the closed door and pause, waiting for the door to open, waiting for the sound of footsteps, even the sound of breathing, anything.

You’re met with silence, and in the exact two hundred and sixteen seconds you stood outside the bathroom door, tears began to cloud your vision as you finally opened the door, counting another ten seconds before opening your eyes.

The first thing you saw was your mother, eyes closed and face unusually pale as she lay in the bathtub, and for a moment, you almost convinced yourself she had fallen asleep.

That is until your eyes trailed down her body, and where the water turned red. You drop the jellybeans and everything goes blurry.

“No…” You whimper incredulously, not realizing you had fallen to your knees until the pain in your legs registered and your eyes flooded. Her skin was littered with scars, ones she obtained from her job, harmless ones that healed with time. Beside them were what you cried for. Large, angry gashes that covered her wrists and stole the life from her.

Your face contorts into a hateful cry as you scream, pain flooding your entire being as the metallic sting of blood floods your nose and you gag.

Words seem to blur together, a mixture of ‘why’ and ‘come back, please.’ Seemed to be the only ones that came out coherently as you collapse and slam your fists repeatedly against the floor.

“Mommy, why did you do this? Why did you leave me?” You sob softly, hesitantly touching her face, ice cold to the touch, a quick check of her pulse showed she was gone, but you could tell from the colour still draining from her face that this was recent. Another choked sob escapes your lips as you turn away from her and spot something sitting on the bathroom sink. A letter.

You scramble to grab it and tear it open.

Y/n, if you’re reading this, you’ve gotten home safely and seen me by now. Please know this isn’t your fault love, I just couldn’t bear this anymore. You know that ever since your father left I’ve struggled, you were the only reason I still wanted to stay alive baby, but it’s too much. Everyday I wake up and I have no reason to stay. I was fired not too long ago, lost all my friends to my absence, and lost everything.

Please forgive me. I love you so much, angel, and I’m so so proud of you, I’m resting now baby. I’m finally free.

The paper starts to crinkle as your hands tighten to fists, your tears spill like rivers down your face and your breathing grows rapid as your head falls into your hands.

“P-Please don’t go… You’re all I have, I-I can’t lose you.” You sob, pushing her hair back against her forehead in the soothing manner she had always done for you.

“Please, please, please. I can’t lose you mom… I-I still haven’t told you about this boy at school, t-the test I aced in potions even though professor Snape hates me, all the house points I got, mom there's still so much I have to tell you…” You sniffle, pressing a kiss to her head as you sit back on your heels and push the tears from your eyes to no avail.

“I got your-your every flavoured beans mom, I was hoping we could share them as I told you, maybe I would get an earwax one and you would laugh.” You stutter as the tears flood your eyes again. “I miss your laugh so much mom, please, can I hear it one more time.” You beg, refusing to move from your spot on the floor next to your mother, holding her head in your arms as you begged and prayed for her to come back, going as far as to try and perform magic to heal her wounds and bring her back.

But even magic couldn’t bring her back, and she’d want more for you than to be expelled for uselessly trying to save her.

Eventually the metallic scent became more than you could bear, you pushed yourself away, swallowing your sobs and closing the door behind you. You had no clue what you were going to do with her, but that would be a problem you’d face another day. Your breathing began to race, your heart pounded a million miles a second and the overwhelming feeling of being trapped settled around you, squeezing you into a box you could not escape from, pushing from all sides until you were clawing at yourself to escape your imagined prison.

It was too much. You run down the hallway to your mother’s room and collapse in front of her cabinet, trembling as you tug open the bottom drawer and grab a small cylindrical container with her name on it.

You knew this was a terrible idea, these were strong muggle painkillers meant to help a grown adult, not a teen.

But the looming dread was too much to ignore, too much to bear, too much to even think about. Your mother’s lifeless body flashed through your head, painfully embedding itself into every inch of your memory until it burned.

You pour an unknown amount into your hand and throw them into your mouth, swallowing them dry and collapsing onto the floor in a fit of anger at your actions and pain. Pain so blinding it swallowed your rage, filling your entire being with a convulsing sadness, and as the meds began to kick in, an artificial peace.

New sunlight shines through the closed blinds onto your closed eyes and you finally stir, sitting upright holding your head in your hands, clueless for a moment what you were doing on the floor. Scanning the room, the burning memory hits you like a punch to the face and you freeze, resisting the urge to empty whatever sat in your stomach onto the floor.

“What am i going to do?” You murmur to yourself, glancing around helplessly for something, someone to hold on too, but alas, you sit alone, clutching a pill bottle in your hands.

You eventually snapped to your senses, called a muggle ambulance to help you get your mother out of the tub and before you knew it, you were standing in a flowerless field as two workers lowered your mother into the ground. They offered you condolences and convincing frowns, but to them this was just another job. One more person laid to rest, no care to know what tragic story was buried in the heart of the one person standing at the funeral.

They left without a word you stood at the headstone, engraving the image into your mind.

‘m/n l/n, finally at peace.’

You convinced yourself reading those carved words would have your feelings set in stone. She was at peace now, finally free from her suffering. But it wasn’t that simple, how could it be?

The last family you had ever known was gone, ripped from your arms and held so far above you, there was no possible way you could reach her.

You trudged back home with a permanent feeling of dread looming over you, again your heart begged to have the pain lifted, even for a moment, just to feel alright. And there was only one way you could think of.

“This always helped take the edge off her…” You murmur, digging through your mother’s drawer again to find an untouched box of cigarettes sitting at the bottom.

“This will help…” You convince yourself, taking the box and standing again, slowly trudging out the front door and sitting on the front porch.

“Everything’s gonna be okay.” You murmur lifting a cigarette to your lips and lighting it like you’d seen your mother do many times before.

Inhaling deeply, you barely flinch as the smooth taste of smoke coats your throat. You exhale as you look up into the sky and sigh, it was going to be a long summer.

It almost became an immediate response for stress to pull a cigarette from your pocket and stick it in your mouth, you didn’t particularly enjoy it, but in a twisted way, the smell reminded you of your mother, and you clutched onto anything that reminded you of her.

When you didn’t have cigarettes you turned to alcohol, your mother hadn’t been much of a drinker, but gifts of different drinks were common when her friends came over were common, and they sat untouched in a cabinet in the basement.

The taste of many of them were bitter, but if you drank enough the taste simply didn’t matter and the buzz took over.

Letters from your friends slowly piled on your window as owls came and went as you threw back fire whiskey and stared into space talking to yourself and shooing away the owls who stared at you strangely before flapping away.

When you weren’t at home you went into the small town nearby and bought anything advertised to take the pain away, no one seemed to pay you any mind, many seemed to be going through it as well, to caught up in their own realities to give a shit about a girl buying sleep medication and painkillers, no matter how strong.

You dove deeper into your pain, taking something every night to lull away the nightmares and ignore the pain. Drinking and smoking in the day to cover the tears and help you forget for a couple hours.

Some days were better than others, when you could just sit outside and enjoy the fresh summer air, but others your anxiety caged you up and you did anything to escape.

One late August afternoon a snowy white owl lands beside you on your front porch as you twiddle your thumbs and hum softly.

It drops the letter directly onto your lap and waits staring up at you expectantly as if asking you to open the envelope and read it to them.

“Alright, I get the message.” You yawn, sitting up and ripping the paper off the top of the letter and pulling a piece of parchment into your hand.

You clear your throat and begin, “dear y/n..

I hope you’re doing well, you haven’t responded to any of my letters yet and I’ve been very worried, Ron and Hermione have told me you haven’t been answering them either and we’re all hoping you’re safe. School’s starting up again and I’m looking forward to seeing you, take care.

Harry Potter.”

The owl looks at you again, and you wondered if it actually thought you were going to respond.

“Sorry pal, I’m not writing anything back. Here, for your troubles.” You nod, placing three knuts in front of the bird. The snowy owl looked down at the money oddly before ruffling his feathers and flying away, leaving you alone once again.

“Harry.” You sigh, sipping on a glass of water. You had completely forgotten you had promised to write to your friends over the summer, almost forgotten your life completely as you tried to focus on keeping yourself alive.

“What the fuck am I going to do?” You sigh, setting down your cup and resting your head against your knees.

Summer blew by much faster once you realized how close the first day back really was, but there you were standing in the empty street hailing a cab to travel back to your station.

You pull your sweater closer to you as your leg shakes furiously and your breathing grows rapidly blowing through every possible bad scenario that crosses your mind. The disappointed faces of your old friends, laughter, teasing, each thought clouds your thoughts. A cold sweat breaks out and you can almost feel yourself slipping when a voice pulls you out.

“Um, miss? We’re here.” The cab driver says, glancing back at you worried.

“O-Oh, thank you.” You clear your throat, handing him his payment and stepping out of the car and grabbing your suitcase.

Taking a deep breath you wipe the sweat from your forehead and walk to the magical platform, bracing yourself as always before stepping through the brick border.

Loud and bustling, you quietly walk towards the Hogwarts Express, but instead of walking to your usual compartment where you knew the golden trio would be sitting you strode all the way down to the back of the train and sat in an empty seat.

Glancing around, you make sure the coast is clear before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, instantly feeling a rush of relief as you take a deep breath in and out.

You watched as the trees disappeared behind the window and the sky shone above, but it didn’t feel right. You didn’t get the usual rush of excitement and joy, in fact you almost felt worse the closer you got to Hogwarts. You close the blinds hurriedly and sit back in your seat.

“No I-I’m sure I saw her come this way.” A voice calls out not too far from you.

“Harry, We’ve been down this way three times already!”

Harry.

“Fuck.” You whisper, pulling the hood of your sweater over your head and keeping your eyes trained on the floor.

“Mate we gotta get changed into our uniforms, we’ll see her at the feast.” Ron sighs, probably pulling Harry away as their voices fade away and you’re left alone again.

You curse yourself for hiding. Why were you hiding from the people you loved? What were you so afraid of?

The answer lay plain as day, no matter how hard you tried to ignore it.

You were afraid of them seeing you like this. Broken down, exhausted, and with a cigarette sticking past your lip.

That did remind you, your uniform.

Covering the compartment windows with your jacket, you quickly swap your hoodie for your collared shirt and a tie. Running a brush through your hair you menatlly prepare yourself to re-enter your life, a life that no longer seemed like yours. Stepping off the Hogwarts express, it felt like you were seeing your past life, a flash of familiarity you no longer knew, a warmth you could recognize that was no longer for you.

You recoil softly at the shiver running down your spine, but push forwards, walking along surrounded by the sea of students.

Reaching where the carriages usually were, you look up expecting the usual strangeness of being pulled by an invisible force, but stumble backwards at the sight of a dark, nightmarish horse standing before you.

It’s eyes seemed to narrow, glaring daggers at you that seemed to pierce your very soul. You quickly climb into a carriage with some random students and stare out the windows the entire ride.

Their quiet chatter is drowned out by your thoughts, coming up with a way to avoid the golden trio at all cost seemed to be a top priority, followed by the need to down some firewhisky to get your mind off everything.

You kept repeating to yourself everything would be okay, just make it up the stairs, around the pillars, dodge anyone that seemed to be walking in your direction and hurry up to your dormitory. Collapsing into the bed that was now called yours you sigh and bunch the blankets into your fists and breathe properly for the first time since you left your house. Your roommates had yet to show and you were grateful for the alone time. Your hands finally stopped shaking, your sweat finally stopped and your breathing evened. You finally work up the strength to unzip your suitcase and pull the small container of firewhiskey you had brought out of your bag. You unscrew it and take a small sip, allowing the burning liquid to slowly take your edge off and calm you down. You sat for a moment nursing the bottle against your lips, contemplating whether or not it would be smart to go down to the great hall for the feast. You were starving and needed food, but you couldn’t face anyone in this state. Glancing at your faint reflection on the window you swallow at the unfamiliarity of the person staring back at you. Where had the happy girl you once were gone? And who was the stranger you were looking at? Your summer had been restless and difficult, of course. But had it really been enough to shake you to the point you didn’t recognize yourself?

What a stupid question. You almost laugh to yourself, tilting your head back again and drinking a little more. Drinking was supposed to take your mind off your situation, not have you overthink even more.

After a while of sitting and glaring out the window you finally pick yourself up, tuck away your firewhiskey and straighten your uniform. You make your way down towards the great hall, walking slowly down the halls you used to run through. Staring in boredom at the carvings and paintings on the wall you used to admire with awe. Keeping your mouth shut when you used to laugh down these corridors.

Finally reaching the great hall the sorting ceremony was still in full swing, playing as a distraction while you slipped to your table.

You sit and nod hello to the students surrounding you, giving them empty excuses on why you were late, and half-heartedly listening to their stories.

Your only thought at the moment was to eat and keep your head down, become invisible if you must.

Harry glances around the great hall anxiously looking for your face. He had barely touched his food, hardly clapped at the new students being sorted into their houses, barely talked to Hermione and Ron as they watched Harry worriedly.

Harry had only one thought on his mind, find you. See if you were alright, hug you in his arms and tell you he missed you, ask you about your summer and ask you to Hogsmeade like he was too afraid to last year. He had so much planned, all he was missing was you.

Just as Ron opens his mouth to tell Harry to quit for a moment and just eat, he catches sight of familiar h/c hair. Longer than he remembered, but no doubtebly yours. Standing in a hurry Harry runs off leaving Ron and Hermione confused, glancing over to see where the brunette had run off to.

Your head snaps up as you hear footsteps approach you and just in time you see Harry running towards you. His green eyes were alight in joy. His tousled brown hair was shorter and he looked older, more mature. Your heart drops as you frantically try and hide your face. He couldn’t see you like this, what on earth would he think?

“Y/n, there you are I’ve been looking for you!”

Bloody hell, his voice had gotten deeper too. Still holding that boyish grin that you loved so much.

“Y/n? A-Are you okay?”

Go away. You pleaded in your head, refusing to look up into the green eyes you’d fallen for.

Harry refuses to give up and attempts to reach out and take your hand.

His skin makes contact with yours and you flinch away, finally giving in and removing your hands from your face.

“What do you want?” You snap unintentionally, cringing inwardly at what you had just done.

“I-I just wanted to say hi-- are you alright?-” Harry asks furrowing his eyebrows, was that firewhiskey he smelled on your breath?

“I’m fine, could you please leave me alone?” Your voice is softly this time, but still with a cold edge.

Harry’s eyes blink in confusion, as he glances around and open and closes his mouth like a fish out of water. This was not the reunion he was expecting, heck this didn’t seem like you at all. Regardless, he nods and slowly walks away, looking back every now and again to see you holding your head in your hands and eventually standing and leaving in a huff, were those tears he saw streaming down your eyes?

“Did you find her mate?” Ron asks as Harry takes a seat.

“Yeah-yeah. Listen, something's wrong.” Harry states, explaining the confrontation he had with you. Slowly the two other gryffindors expressions fade to concern as well.

“And you’re sure it was firewhiskey?” Hermione questions, pursing her lips.

“I’m afraid so, I-I don’t know what to do.” Harry sighs defeated.

“Give her some time, perhaps she just had a bad day?” Ron suggests.

“Sounds more like a horrible summer.” Hermione sighs, worried for her friend.

“I’m gonna go look for her, I don’t want her alone at a time like now.” Harry nods, not waiting for his friend’s reactions before running off to find you.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” You curse yourself, unsure where you were running too. You simply follow your feets as you angrily wipe tears from your eyes and cry in the empty hallways. As you run the image of Harry’s shocked face plays over and over again in your head, taunting you, trying to prove to you what kind of person you had become. Your feet lead you down another corridor and before you know it you’re climbing up a flight of stairs and fighting for breath while digging your fingers into your hands to keep yourself from sobbing to loudly. You had let him down. You had let everyone you love down, you let your mother down, you let yourself down. Maybe if you had spent more time at home your mother would have found a reason to stay, if you just didn’t go to the magic school and stayed with her she’d be alive and there to guide you. You miss her so much everyday. You collapse onto the cool ground of what must have been the astronomy tower you glance down at your hands and realize you’ve been squeezing too tight and hot blood is beginning to flow down your palm. You gag as the sight brings you back to the beginning of the summer. The start of your hell. Instinctively you pull a cigarette from your pocket and bring it to your lips, lighting it and before you know what you’re doing, walking to the edge of the tower.

There wasn’t anything left for you here. Your mother was gone, you had successfully avoided your friends and the person you loved had seen you for who you truly were. You were ready, and you couldn’t think of any place you’d rather go then your favourite place at Hogwarts.

The place you’d spent so many nights gazing at the stars. The place you’d realized you had fallen in love, looking into the green eyes of Harry Potter while watching the planets shine above you and the stars twinkle.

Harry, the person you were so excited to tell your mother about. The boy who made you smile and laugh every day you were with him. You would miss him. Miss his smile, his tousled hair you loved to play with, miss his voice.

As you take one final drag from your cigarette, your feet just over the edge, you look up towards the sky. You see the moon shining, the trees swaying in the distance, nature in all it’s peace, calling to you.

A feeling like your mother’s arms wraps around you, and for a moment you can see her, feel her. “I’m coming mom, we’ll be together soon.”

Taking a step forward you look down at the ground, almost smiling softly before looking back up at the sky, where you’d join your mom and--

“Y/n!” A pair of real arms wrap around you and pull you away from the edge. Squeezing you against their chest and sobbing into your hair.

Why were they crying? Why weren’t you with your mother yet…?

“Y/n what are you doing?”

Harry. You realize, and as he raises his head and you come eye to eye, you see his eyes clouding with hot tears behind his glasses. You lift your hand and wipe them.

“Why are you crying?” You ask, dropping your hand again and realizing you had accidentally smeared blood on his face.

“I-I could have lost you! What were you doing so close to the edge?” Harry asks, pleading for answers as he holds you close against him.

“Isn’t it obvious?” You smile as though he had just asked the silliest thing.

“There’s nothing left here for me. My mother’s gone, she killed herself when I got home for summer. My dad left us when I was just a baby. I’ve managed to get Ron and Hermione to stop worrying and you’ll never like me back.” You sigh, looking down at your hands and reaching into your pocket again.

“What? Y/n, I-I’m so sorry.” Harry murmurs, placing his forehead against yours as you raise a cigarette to your lips.

“S’ alright.”

Harry’s eyes widen and he slaps the cigarette from your lips.

“You’re drinking and smoking?” He shouts.

“I’ve got painkillers and sleep medication too, anything that’ll get my mind off things.” You shrug, struggling in Harry’s arms as you try and escape.

“Y/n, these things are going to kill you!”

“Good! Maybe I want to die Harry! Maybe I can’t take being alone anymore, and maybe I know these things will kill me so I use them. I want to see her again Harry! I want to not be alone, I want to erase everything I saw, I want to be me again.” You cry, lifting your hands to your face and using your bloody hands to wipe your tears away.

“But I can’t! I still go back to smoking, drinking, using pills to take the pain away and I still. Can’t. Forget!” You continue, bawling into Harry’s shoulder as he holds you.

“I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore.” You shriek, trying again to escape Harry’s grip, but he refuses to let go.

“Darling look at me.”

You don’t stop.

“Please Y/n, just look at me.” Hary pleads again.

When you don’t stop this time, he finally gives in and leans towards you. Ignoring the blood, tears and taste of smoke, to press his lips to yours.

You freeze and Harry keeps himself there. Waiting for your breathing to even out and your heartbeat to stop racing.

Your eyes close and you pause as Harry finally pulls away and takes your face into his hands.

“Y/n, you mother wouldn’t have wanted her daughter to go like this. She would’ve wanted you to be happy and live the life she never had. Darling, from the way you’d always talk about her I know she loves you very much, she doesn’t want you to die.” Harry murmurs pressing a kiss to your eyes and nose.

“Ron and Hermione were worried about you y/n, they just respect your privacy and didn’t want to intrude.” He continues drying you tears with his thumb and peppering kisses down your cheeks.

“They love and care for you so much love. They don’t want you to die.”

Harry pauses for a moment and lifts your lips to his, this time deepening the kiss and moving your lips in sync with his.

“And I… I’m in love with you y/n. I wish I’d had the guts to tell you sooner but I was always too nervous.”

“But look at me now Harry. I’m a mess. I-I’m not the same person.” You murmur, trying to avoid his intense gaze.

“Y/n nothing could ever change the fact I love you. You lost your mother, you can’t expect yourself to just be alright.” Harry sighs.

“I still get nightmares about my parents, I see them collapse and have the life drained from them in mere moments.”

“Y/n after everything, you’re my light. You’re what keeps me motivated everyday to keep going. And I’m not going to let my light die if I could have stopped it.”

You pause and choke back a sob as you glance up into Harry’s eyes and once again melt into the soft green.

“I’m here for you darling, always and forever, whenever you need me, whatever you need, we’ll support each other.” Harry smiles.

This time you engage the kiss, grateful as you relish in the pure moment of happiness.

“Thank you Harry.” You smile weakly.

“Now why don’t you tell me about your mom?” Harry suggests, sitting you down and pulling his wand out of his pocket.

As you ramble on about childhood stories, funny jokes and happy memories Harry smiles and listens, healing your hands and holding them in his.

You spend the rest of the evening laying against his shoulder and gazing up at the stars. Harry places kisses against your head, cheeks and nose every now and again, and even though you knew there was still a long road to walk before you could truly say you felt change, you smiled a little and realized.

Nature wasn’t calling you join it, it was reminding you of the beauty you would be missing. The stars weren’t inviting you up, they were shining to show all the wonders you loved.

And your mother wasn’t embracing you from afar to push you forwards, she was edging you back. Back into Harry’s arms.

#harry potter x reader #harry potter angst #harry potter imagine #harry potter #harry potter x you #harry potter x y/n #angst

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multi-obsessed-fanfic-writer · 3 years

Text

The War Within (Anakin x Reader)

Author’s Note: I hope this is what you wanted, anon! I had a lot of fun writing this & all the angst in it :) let me know if you guys have any other requests or feedback for me! You’re all amazing <3

Requested?: Yes, by anon- “hi dear, could i request an oneshot where the reader was anakin's wife before he turned into vader,and when we turned (he comed to the dark side,but don't burned in mustafar,like he don't use the suit) he thought she was dead but in fact she joined the rebelion, and now she is Captured for interrogation and he finds out that she was alive and had the twins (leia and luke). Srry if it's too long or confusing, english is not my first language and it's very hard write complex things. have a nice day ( ˘ ³˘)♥”

Summary: You deal with the repercussions of your husband turning to the dark side while you join the rebellion.

The War Within

Anakin Skywalker x female!reader

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: depictions of canon-type violence & torture, like one curse, and a lot of angst (but also fluff!)

“Anakin has turned to the dark side,” Obi-Wan tells you, sorrow dancing in his expression as he looks at you. You stare back with defiance.

“You’re lying! Anakin would never do such a thing. He’s sworn to defend this galaxy.” You sneer, turning away from Obi-Wan. You’re a couple of months pregnant with Anakin’s child, as he has been your husband in secret for a while now. Your bump hasn’t shown yet, luckily.

“He was deceived by a lie, (Y/n). We all were. Listen to me, when did you see him last?” Obi-Wan asks, stepping in front of you again.

“That’s unimportant! Anakin would never turn to the dark side, he’s the most caring person I know!” You scream, tears pricking at your eyes.

“I saw it myself. There’s...a security hologram of him killing...younglings. In the temple. You were away, but...he’s gone mad, (Y/n). He’s a danger to himself and everyone around him. Help the Jedi. You’re one of us. You know what the right thing to do is.” Obi-Wan tries to convince you. You look up at him, tears streaming down your cheeks by now.

“Do I? Your Jedi order is the one that got us here- he- I don’t…” You sob, sitting down on the nearest thing as the emotions start to overwhelm you.

“Reach out to him, (Y/n). Through the force. Then you’ll know I’m telling the truth.” He murmurs to you.

You do as he says, confident that Anakin won’t prove you wrong. Your Anakin could never turn to the dark side and do such horrible things.

Then you feel it.

“Ani!” You gasp, breaking out of your trance as your hand flies to your stomach to hold your barely-there baby bump. More tears spill down your cheeks as you feel the darkness that surrounds Anakin’s force signature.

“You know it, now. Please, do you have any information on where he might be?” He asks. You put a hand over your mouth to trap the sobs, one hand still resting on your stomach.

“Are you going to kill him?” You ask, looking up at Obi-Wan. His eyes glance down to your hand cradling your stomach.

“...You’re pregnant, aren’t you? And Anakin’s the father?” Obi-Wan asks. You don’t answer him, just look down as the salty tears drip from your chin onto your robes.

“Please don’t kill my husband,” You whisper.

“I will do what I must,” Obi-Wan says and turns around to make his exit. He turns back around to look at you one last time and says, “I’m sorry.”

Then he’s gone. And so is your hope of living a happy life.

~+~

It’s been four years since you gave birth to Luke and Leia. During that time, you had helped establish the rebellion against the empire. You’re the current leader, dedicating your time to fighting against the evils that haunt the galaxy. You know Anakin is out there, and he calls himself Darth Vader now. You honestly hope to never run into him, knowing that you won’t be able to face the consequences if you can’t turn him back to the light. If he stays dark and rejects you, you’re not sure what you’ll do then. It’s the ultimate slap in the face for you.

“General Skywalker, we’re under attack!” You hear from the entrance of the rebellion base you’re currently hiding out at. Your head whips to one of your men being shot down by a stormtrooper at the entrance.

Your body kicks into action before your brain does.

“Get Luke and Leia out of here!” You yell, gently pushing your children toward a group of the men you had been leading.

“But general, what about you-”

“I can handle myself. Get them out of here, I can’t have them getting hurt. I’ll be right behind you guys and I’ll catch up with you later.” You hurriedly rush everyone out of the back of the base.

“We’re not leaving you behind, sir!” Your right-hand man and closest friend, Bail Organa, insists. You hear the stormtroopers getting closer.

Turning around, you give the group a small sad smile.

“You don’t have a choice.” You use the force to slam the door shut and crunch the doors into place so that they are harder to move.

“Freeze!” You hear a modulated voice behind you. You raise your hands slowly and turn around, coming face-to-face with a platoon of stormtroopers with their blasters aimed at you.

“How unfortunate that it must resort to violence,” You sigh, obviously not that disgruntled about the situation.

“Remove your weapon slowly.” The stormtrooper at the front commands, gesturing to the lightsaber at your waist.

“What, this old thing? Oh, please, I don’t know if it even still works,” You scoff, unlatching it from your waist. You twist it around in your hand for a second, not making a move to set it down yet.

“Put it on the ground!” The stormtrooper demands.

“Relax! It’s not like I’m going to do,” You ponder for a moment, looking at the weapon, “this.”

In less than an instant, you’ve lunged at the first stormtrooper in the front and cut him in half with your lightsaber. You cut through men left and right, dodging the blaster fire or deflecting it back onto them.

However, the more stormtroopers you get rid of, the more stormtroopers flood in. Eventually, you’re corner into a wall as you try your best to keep the upper hand.

“We have an order not to kill! Drop the weapon!” There’s a frenzy of orders as you try to fight your way out, but it’s no use.

After a few more minutes of fighting, you get hit with a shock that sends jolts through your body until everything goes dark and you feel your body hit the ground.

~+~

You wake up to a dingy, dark cell aboard an unknown imperial ship. You’re currently on both your knees with your hands and feet chained behind your back.

You know where you are. You’d heard descriptions from spies about this ship before. No one has made it back alive. Yet.

The cell door opens, causing you to wince at the sliver of light it blinds you with. Two stormtroopers walk in with blasters aimed at you and a cart behind them.

“What are you gonna do with those fancy tools, hm?” You crack a smile, eyeing the silver cart behind them with curiosity. They stay silent, picking up a small blade from the cart.

“Tell us about the rebellion. What are your plans to overtake the empire?” One of the stormtroopers, the one not holding the knife, asks you. You stay quiet, making as much eye contact as you think you can through the visor of his helmet.

“We know you’re the leader of the rebellion! You should talk before your information hurts you.” The other trooper demands. You glare up at them from your kneeling position.

The first one, without the knife, kneels next to you and puts his blaster to your head.

“I could pull the trigger right now and no one would even care.” He gets close to your face, taunting you. You look at him directly and do something you’re not sure anyone’s ever dared to do on this ship before.

You spit on his helmet.

Immediately after your spit makes contact with his helmet, you feel a knife slash across your left ribs. The wound starts bleeding viciously, indicating that the cut is probably pretty deep.

You cry out sharply at the new pain, but immediately clench your jaw shut to keep as much satisfaction from them as possible.

“Need to rethink your answer?” The knife-wielding stormtrooper asks.

“Never.”

“I guess we’ll have to get to work, then.”

~+~

That continued for a few hours. Then a few days. After about a week and a half, they were getting frustrated. You’re guessing it’s because their superior is starting to pressure them more. That pressure is probably life or death.

“Listen, bitch. You’re going to talk or you’re going to get someone new in here and you’ll like him a lot less.” The first stormtrooper, whom you’ve nicknamed Blaster, threatens you.

“Try me.” You growl. This earns you a sharp slap across the face and some blood on the floor.

“That’s it, man. We’ve been at this for over a week. I think it’s time to call the boss.”

“He won’t be happy.”

“We don’t have any other choice.”

“Fine. Let’s go get him.”

~+~

That was the last thing you heard for three days. You went the next three days without light, food, or contact of any kind. Luckily, they had given your chains a little slack so that you could change positions occasionally.

Currently, you’re facing the wall and meditating. You had gotten good at meditating after Anakin turned to the dark side. You were constantly trying to reach out to him, but he would never let you. There was a wall in the way of some kind, he couldn’t even tell you were there.

Suddenly, you hear the door slide open behind you and you see the lights turn on. You grimace at the light but try not to let it distract you. There’s an especially dark force behind you, but you can’t tell who it might be.

“Well? Don’t think you can intimidate me by just standing there in the darkness. Come in here if you really want to make me talk.” You scoff, knowing that the hall light is still off. You can feel it. Whoever this is, they want the effect of a dramatic entrance.

“You sound familiar...did I know you?” The voice finally speaks behind you. The realization makes you go cold.

It’s Anakin.

You don’t know how to respond for a moment, whether to turn around and cry out for him or to stay cold and unforgiving to this man you no longer know. You opt for the latter option.

“You did...at one point.” You pray to the force that your voice stays even, not showing any signs of weakness. Your heart is the complete opposite, hammering in your chest like you’re on the brink of death. You honestly might be.

“What is your name?” He asks, and you hear him step forward into the room. You take a deep breath and steel your nerves.

“(Y/n) Skywalker.” You finally turn around and stare into the cold eyes of the man you once loved.

She sees the posture of Darth Vader go slack as he stares into her eyes. His own eyes lose their anger and his pupils dilate slightly, taking her in. You see the yellow of his eyes start to fade already.

“(Y/n)?” He asks and the edge in his voice is gone. You hear the old Anakin through the façade of the powerful man in front of you.

“It’s me, Ani.” You smile slightly. You’re getting to him just by him seeing you, which is better than you ever imagined.

“I...You...You’re dead. Obi-Wan told me that...you died. I thought...I thought the Jedi got rid of you.” He seems completely breathless from just the sight of you, questioning everything he’s been working on for the past four years.

“Why would they do that? I was one of their best assets. Besides, did you...did you never look for me? At least for my force signature?” You ask, eyes softening as the old Ani comes back to you. The Anakin that you knew and fell in love with. Your husband.

“No, I...I lost all hope...You…” He screws his eyes shut. You can feel the internal battle he’s having currently. The struggle between the light and dark raging just beneath the surface of him. He was so wrapped up in the darkness but the mere sight of you has awakened the light he didn’t know he still had in him and it’s torturing him.

“Ani…” You murmur, wanting so badly to be free of these chains so you can reach out to him and help.

“No.” his eyes open forcefully and the yellow iris of the dark side has returned, staring coldly at you in front of him. Your heart aches but you know that this isn’t easy for him. It’s not just a switch he can flip, but you’re willing to keep trying. If the first appearance of you is anything to go by, he’s now teetering on the edge and you just have to gain enough traction to push him over to the light side.

“Anakin, I’m alive. Look at me,” You plead, looking at him with love adorned eyes. The love you had for your Anakin never faded. After all, Darth Vader is not your Anakin. But he can be your Anakin again.

“You may as well be dead to me now. After all this time, you knew I was alive and you plotted against me. You turned against me.” He growls, and you see his fingers twitch. You had heard about the infamous force-choke that he was known to subject people to if he was angry. You’d have to diffuse the situation as quickly as possible.

“No...Anakin-”

“That’s Darth Vader to you!” He yells, lashing his hand out to grip your throat with the force. You notice that he does not immediately choke you or lift you off the ground, just leaves the force there as a threat.

“I turned against Darth Vader. I never once turned my back on my husband, Anakin Skywalker. I never will, either. Anakin’s legacy will live on through me and our children.” You promise, staring defiantly at him even though he’s threatening you. The force leaves its grip around your throat and you see his body go slack once more at your words. His hand drops to his waist.

“Our...children?” He murmurs, the softness returning to his voice. Once again you see the battle ensue in him. The storm batters his mind endlessly as the yellow starts to fade again.

“Yes. I gave birth to Luke and Leia Skywalker. They’re beautiful, Ani. They’re ours. I love them. And your storm troopers almost killed them.” You tell him, hoping that he sees the light through this. Through your little family.

“Almost...killed…” He trails off, and through the force, you can see how wretched he feels. He’s so torn between the two sides that he doesn’t even know what to do with himself at this moment. You watch as he drops to his knees and lets out a feral scream as he clutches his head in his hands. You want so desperately to hold him at this moment. More than anything else you just want to hold him and help him.

But you can’t. This is his battle, not yours, and you’re currently chained to a wall.

“Come back to me, Ani. Return to me. Please. Together we can rid the galaxy of evil and restore it to peace and justice. Help me. Help me raise our children….help me live a full life with you. Let me love you.” You beg, struggling against your chains as the tears start to fall down your dirty and battered cheeks. You hurt for him so much, the force and your bond only intensifying the pain you feel for him.

“Join...Join me, (Y/n). Join me here. We can be more powerful than you ever realized. We can rule the galaxy together. Me and you. Side by side. As it’s meant to be. Free of the Jedi on your side.” Anakin grits his teeth and looks up at you again. His demand is less of a demand and more of a plea. His eyes fade in and out of yellow, and you can see that the light is starting to win. The dark is desperately clinging onto him, but it’s not dominating anymore. You can do this.

“The Jedi are no longer. You made sure of that, Anakin. I...I only know of a few left alive. A few that you didn’t kill. The Jedi order has disbanded. There is only the rebellion left. The rebellion that I formed. The rebellion that we can lead to victory, to a new world, side by side. Obi-Wan is there. Your friend, your former master. Ahsoka is there, your friend and former padawan. Together we can lead in the light, it doesn’t have to become dark again. Please. Join me with our friends and our family.” You ask of him, straining hard against the chains that keep you away from him. He clutches his head in his hands again, breaths coming out labored and in pain.

“Side by side?” He asks, almost shaking from the utter pain he is in.

“In the light. We’ll be powerful together just not here. You don’t need the dark side to be powerful. As long as we have each other we’ll be fine. I’m not dead. Nothing’s been able to get rid of me yet. Maybe this has been my destiny all along. To bring the chosen one back to the light side so that he may restore balance to the universe. Maybe my destiny has been to love you all along. We were never meant to be a bad thing.” You murmur, eyes searching his figure for any sign of the light as he battles his instinct versus his feelings.

Then he goes still.

“...Okay.” He looks up at you, his eyes shining a bright blue. More tears stream down your face, but this time they aren’t in pain. They’re tears of joy.

You reach out with the force, brushing against his force signature and feeling the light force that emanates from him. You let out a happy sob, wanting to embrace him. He crushes the chains that keep you from him, freeing you from your captivity. You run to him and he envelops you in a deep embrace. Your face presses against his chest as your tears ruin his former uniform. Oh well, he won’t be needing it anymore.

“I love you. I never stopped.” You whisper into his chest, clinging onto him like a dying woman.

“I never stopped loving you. It’s...it’s what fueled my anger. Your supposed death.” He admits, holding you close to him.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. You’re back. We’ll never be separated anymore. I’ll make sure of it.” You promise, looking back up into his beautiful blue eyes.

“We’ll make sure of it together.” He cups your face, tilting it up and pressing his lips to yours tenderly but hungrily. The tears mix into your kiss, creating a salty taste. But neither of you cares. You had both been waiting for this moment for much too long to care about tears in the way.

When you finally break away, you let out a half-chuckle that gets caught in your throat. This is certainly a situation you’ve gotten yourself into.

“Now, how are we going to get out of here?” You ask, not daring to let him go even now.

“Leave that to me.” He tells you, brushing the hair behind your ear as he gazes at you lovingly.

Within moments, you’re back in chains and he’s leading you down the hallway, an angry façade on his face.

“Sir!” The stormtroopers salute him as the two of you walk down the hallway.

They’re terrified of him, you realize.

“Sir, where are you taking the prisoner?” A stormtrooper dares to ask, to which Anakin shoots him a glare and raises his hand threateningly.

“Imperial business, trooper. Know your place.” He growls, pushing you forward. You realize that Anakin has had your lightsaber strapped to his waist this entire time, making you smile. He knows it’s yours and he probably planned on asking you how you had gotten it before he realized who his prisoner was.

“S-Sorry, sir.” The trooper backs down immediately. The two of you make it to the docking area with no problems. Until one stormtrooper has some audacity.

“Sir...are you feeling well? You don’t look normal...wait a second, men! He’s not on our side-” Before he can finish, Anakin has cut him in half with his striking red lightsaber. The other troopers caught onto the cry for help, though, and are now aiming their blasters at the two of you.

“Well, I suppose we couldn’t have a clean getaway, could we?” You give Anakin a small mischievous smile that he returns.

“Not likely with the two of us,” He chuckles. The two of you spring into action. You realize you’re still bound by chains at the wrist so you put it over a trooper's head and start choking him, using his body as a shield until you can’t anymore.

“Saber!” You call out to Anakin. In a moment, he’s throwing your lightsaber to you. You catch it and activate it, cutting your chains in half. Now you’re ready to battle.

The two of you weave through troopers with ease, fighting back to back as if nothing had changed. You deflect blaster shots left and right, swinging through troopers as you make your way to the getaway ship.

Within mere moments, the two of you are on the loading ramp of the ship. Anakin goes to turn the ship on and the ramp starts to close. You lower your saber, thinking the fighting is over. Before you can react, Anakin is pressed against you again and deflecting a shot behind your back with his lightsaber. You turn just in time to see him crush the trooper that tried to kill you with the force. You frown slightly, knowing that there’s still a hint of aggressiveness and probably darkness in Anakin, but it’s nothing you can’t work on.

He’s back now, and that’s what matters.

“Let’s go home, yeah?” Anakin asks, sitting down in the pilot’s seat and offering you a wide smile. This is probably the most he’s smiled in four years.

“Yeah. Let’s go home.” You smile back at him.

~+~

Once you’re back to your lead rebel base, you’re immediately greeted by a crowd. Out of the crowd emerges three figures: Bail Organa, Luke, and Leia. You crouch down as Luke and Leia run up to you and hug you.

“Mommy!” They cheer, laughing as you stand up and twirl around with them in your arms. They giggle as you set them down, clearly happy to see you again.

“You’re back. Congratulations, I didn’t know if we’d see you again.” Bail gives you a chuckle of relief as he gives you a clap on the back.

“Well, it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t found someone…” You trail off, looking behind you to see a sheepish Anakin step out. You sense the nerves radiating off of him. I mean, he is entering the camp that less than twenty-four hours ago he had promised to destroy.

The crowd of rebels takes a nervous step back, not sure how to react to your news. This was their sworn enemy, and now you’re claiming he helped you?

“How can you trust him?” Bail asks, sizing Anakin up with one hand ready on his blaster.

“He’s my husband.” You state plainly. This shocks the crowd.

“Your husband?”

“When did you two get married?”

“You’ve only been captured a couple of weeks!”

The crowd’s responses make you chuckle.

“I was married to Anakin Skywalker much before he became Darth Vader. He thought I was dead but...the sight of me made him abandon his sith side. He’s back to being Anakin Skywalker...my husband. I love him, and he will be accepted here.” You all-but-command. The crowd seems to ease just a little bit, but not much.

“Daddy?” Leia asks, a small look of skepticism on her face as she looks at Anakin. You see Anakin’s eyes shine with tears as he looks at his daughter, hearing her call him dad for the first time ever.

“I thought you said dad died.” Luke tugs on your leg, almost hiding behind you. You chuckle lightly.

“He did for a little bit, but...he’s back now. And he’s going to be a part of our life. We’re going to be a happy family now, okay?” You smile, tears pricking at your eyes for the third time that day alone as you look at your little family. The family you finally get to have.

“Okay…” The two of them cautiously approach Anakin. He kneels down, and they start to talk. You know they won’t be welcoming immediately, as he’s a stranger to them, but given time...you know that you can be a happy family again.

And with this thought, the hope of living a happy life returns to you. And this time, you know it’s here to stay.

~~~~~

Tags: @thesmallestalien @rowley-with-ackerman @official-hitmxn

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