#homophobic trauma

[arian-archivist-11]

I love my mom so reaming the f slur and pretending that it's not a slur by making up a fake definition and claiming I shouldn't be affected because I'm not really gay.

Need her in a casket. The only thing keeping me from-[REDACTED]

[swan2swan]

Me: "Okay, what's Sammy's new catchphrase, did I miss something?"

Fandom: "No, you're good. It's vague. We don't actually know."

Me: "Okay, I have no further questions about Sammy."

Sammy: "My parents kicked me out."

Me: "SAMMY DON'T DO THIS TO ME I NOW HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS."

[seilon]

i wonder if in a hypothetical season 2, where charles continues on the trajectory he seems to be on at the end of s1 and gets progressively more and more flirty and showy with edwin now that he knows edwin’s into him and all that– if edwin would A) be absolutely smitten and flirty and almost giggly in response to the point where the others would have to snap them both out of their tension-heavy gay nonsense in order to get them to focus on literally anything, eventually culminating in the tension abruptly breaking when one (or both) of them just can’t stand it anymore and kisses the other. B) flattered and flustered at first, but sooner or later starts building up a frustration that eventually explodes in charles’ direction over how he keeps teasing him, acting like he reciprocates and making it feel like he has a chance when he “knows” he doesn’t, making it a cruel and painful reminder of what he wants and can’t have– which charles, impulsive as he is, cuts short by kissing him in such a way that the reciprocation is undeniable.

either way that gayass tension is gonna have to come to a head and i wanna see it so bad i wanna see it sosososososo bad

[kylejsugarman]

it sucks that gale died but its even worse that he got fired from meth academy and replaced with jesse right before that happened. like imagine ur a savant handpicked for a position due to ur carefully curated talent and then one day u come in to find that u've been canned and ur job was given to a sick stray dog. and then the sick stray dog comes over that night and kills u but their heart's clearly not into it

[gayofthefae]

Season 2 episode 4 of Stranger Things for Byler is about how Mike is sad he didn't get to see Will all day and it ends with him finally getting to see Will.

That's iconic. Like that was his plot for the episode that had to be resolved in the final scene. And unlike when they often bookend his storylines with El with no real content about her in the middle, he mentions Will in every scene in between. I thought he didn't in the trash digging one but he did because Dustin asked him directly in the "he's your person you always know his whereabouts way" so his scenes for the episode (all of them) go as follows:

Shaking Will to get out of his trance

Watching Will leave and worrying about him

While digging through trash, mentions that Will will be there - setting up his plot for the episode with Will's first unexpected absence

Looking over sadly at Will's empty desk (that's the entire scene, nothing else happens visually, just that then it cuts away to the Byers house)

Trying to call Will but he doesn't pick up, so he calls a party meeting to make a plan to help him and plans to go to his house after school

Going to Will's house and persistently convinces Joyce to let him in.

That is literally his episode plot like that's all he does the whole time. Season 2 is wild Byler for Mike in general because even season 1 with El he had other things going on, namely his conflict with Lucas. His moments with El were always just moments in between. But as re-emphasis that Will is the point for him, all he does for this entire episode is think and talk about Will

until it can climax in a - honestly, better paced in build up than the ily speech - scene

It is canon that Mike Wheeler spent a full day with only Will on his mind. I thought that it wasn't. This post was gonna be "all but one scene! that's crazy!" But this turned out to be yet another instance of "I was already excited, but they're bigger Byler shippers than me."

Digging through trash? Why isn't Will here yet? In class? Will's desk is empty. Lunch break? Try to get ahold of Will. (He didn't pick up? Immediately assume his life is in danger) After school? Go to Will's house to make sure he's okay.

Just- I'm not over that this was fully his episode arc with the proper execution of setup, arc, and climax. Missing Will was his plot in season 2 episode 4. His only and entire plot for every moment he was onscreen.

[celendiar]

charles rowland is the epitome of the overly passionate ally to queer person pipeline meme, pass it on

[the-crooked-library]

IWTV characters are so real to me. my personality disorder has also caused me more angst and problems than my queerness ever did. the queerness is still a major theme though

[altschmerzes]

one day my wife and i are gonna compile our enormous 'this is why this is garbage and everyone who wants to kiss this author's ass should so some serious personal reflection and also read another book im fucking begging you' review of all for the g/ame and then it will be over for all of us

[slitherpuffinstories]

Deamus microfic feat. Florean Fortescue x August Ollivander ~ Obvious

Seamus didn’t dare to look up. He couldn’t. And his mother’s voice only grew louder and louder.

“- I will not tolerate such sick behaviour, and here of our places, in Diagon Alley! You should be ashamed of yourself, my good sir. There are kids here, and you exposing them all to such disgusting acts- it’s a violation! I can’t believe-“

And so it went, on and on, and for every time her voice grew louder, Seamus’s face grew redder and his posture more slouched as he tried desperately to make himself as small as possible. He clutched his ice-cream tighter in his hand.

Every word she said hurt as if they were spoken directly to him. And in a way, maybe they were. They were directed to people like him, and it hurt.

“We didn’t do anything wrong”, came the sharp response when his mother finally took a break in her lecturing to breathe. Seamus looked up at the older man in the ice-cream shop. He looked furious, his dark eyebrows knitted together under a swoop of black hair.

“Yeah”, another voice chimed in, and Seamus heard the other man’s scoff before he saw him reappear from behind Fortescue, the owner of the shop who apparently had a boyfriend. Said boyfriend was looking just as furious as Fortescue, a stark contrast to how he had looked only minutes before.

When the two men, unaware of the danger, had kissed so everyone in the shop could see. Right when Seamus and his family were about to leave the shop.

Kissed. Just like that. Apparently you could do that? Not in front of Seamus’s mother, though, which these two had learnt the hard way.

“I don’t see what the problem is. Why would you have issues with me kissing my boyfriend?” Fortescue’s boyfriend, a very tall man with striking, multicoloured eyes and elegantly styled blond hair, was staring at Seamus’s mother with a new intensity.

“You and your partner can kiss as much as you wish. End up in Hell where you belong, I don’t care!” His mother’s face grew redder for every word she spat. “But don’t you dare do it in front of my son and ruin him!”

“Oh. I see.” The blond man raised a sharp eyebrow and shook his head, slowly, looking as if he was genuinely sorry for the woman in front of him. “You’re one of those… religious people?”

“Yes.” She straightened her back, looking proud of herself as she put a firm hand on Seamus’s shoulder. He couldn’t stop himself from shuddering slightly. Fortescue’s gaze sharpened, and Seamus froze. Had the man noticed his uneasiness?

“Hm. Best we leave you and your son alone then.” Fortescue turned around to give his boyfriend another small peck on the lips. “Don’t you think so too, Gus?”

Seamus felt his mother’s grip tighten on his shoulder.

“How dare you?”, she spluttered furiously, and Seamus flinched as she turned around and tried to block his view of the two men. “That is nothing but disrespectful!”

“Oi!” The blond man stopped smiling instantly. “Watch it with your son! Can’t you see he’s uncomfortable by you making a scene?”

“Don’t you tell me how to behave around my own son!” She pointed a finger at his chest. “He’s uncomfortable seeing you two being inappropriate in public! Isn’t that right, sweetie?”

Seamus tried to hide how terrified he was. He took a deep breath.

“I don’t mind, mum.”

There was silence. Fortescue smiled at him.

“He’s- he’s being ridiculous”, was all his mother could manage at first. When she inhaled loudly to keep yelling, Seamus spoke up again.

“I said, I don’t mind, mother.”

“Sea, darling, I know you’re shaken-“

“Stop it!” His words made his mother shut up, only for a moment, but that was all he needed. “I’m tired of you speaking about gay people like that! Leave them alone, mom. They did nothing to you. I did nothing to you!”

“Excuse me.” Another voice cut through the silence after Seamus was done shouting. “I didn’t expect meeting you here. And certainly not like this.”

“Oh my- Diana!” Seamus saw his mother turn around and lift her hands to her chest. “What a pleasant surprise!”

“Wish I could say the same.” His mother’s old friend, Diana Thomas, was standing behind them. She looked absolutely furious, but Seamus paid no attention to her as soon as he saw who was standing next to her.

“Dean.” His voice was a bit hoarse after yelling so much.

“Sea…” Oh, his voice was still soft as ever. Before he knew what he was doing, Seamus was standing next to his friend, holding his head low again. Dean put an arm wound his shoulders, and as their mothers continued a heated discussion, Dean whispered in his ear:

“Are you okay?”

No, no he wasn’t. But maybe he would be.

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Seamus swallowed. “When she’s talking like that about… about gay people, I know she’s talking about you too. Even though you like girls as well as boys. It’s kind of the same thing.”

“It’s worse for you”, Dean whispered, his breath on Seamus’s neck. “She’s talking about you too, isn’t she? Bet she doesn’t know though.”

Seamus’s head snapped up. He didn’t know what to say, so all he did was put his arms around Dean and bury his face in his friend’s shoulder.

“How- how did you…” The words came out before he could even think about what to say. “How did you know? I didn’t tell you. I was scared, Dean, I was scared, I couldn’t tell you and I’m sorry because out of all people I know you’d be understanding-“

“Shut up, arsehole.” Dean chuckled lightly, still with his mouth next to Seamus’s ear. “I’ve known for a while. It was quite obvious. Why didn’t you tell me your mom was homophobic?”

“My dad too.” Seamus swallowed again.

“Should probably have guessed this, considering they’re both Christian. Oh Merlin.”

“I don’t want to go back home.”

“You won’t.”

And he didn’t. Because minutes later, Mrs Finnigan had left the ice-cream shop, still fuming after being told off by both the owner of the shop and her best friend for scaring her own child like that.

“Hey, kiddo.” The blond man who Fortescue had called Gus put a hand on Seamus’s shoulder a few minutes later. “I took your ice-cream from you when you were busy with your… friend over here. It was melting, so I got you a new one. Or, Florean did.” He handed over a new ice-cream to Seamus, and one for Dean too. “It’s on the house.”

“I’m sorry for what my mom said.”

“Don’t be, kiddo.” The man smiled at him. “She doesn’t understand love the way I, Florean and you do.”

Seamus gaped.

“And me”, Dean said, sounding slightly offended.

“Yeah, kiddo number two, I figured.” The man chuckled. “I counted you both into that “we”. People like us come in packages of two, if we’re lucky enough.”

Seamus frowned, slightly confused. Dean rolled his eyes at the look on his best friend’s face.

“Even luckier if we both live in the same house, which we’ll do from now on!” Dean laughed. “You hear that, Sea? We’ll live together all year now! We’ll have to get another bed to my room, or, or I can sleep on a mattress. Mum, can I sleep on a mattress?”

“Not so fast, young man.” Mrs Thomas looked at him with her arms crossed. “No boys in your room, especially not behind closed doors.”

“Mum!”

While Dean and his mum discussed, Fortescue, or Florean as his boyfriend had called him, came to join Seamus and Gus. He winked at Seamus.

“He likes you back, kid”, he said, as if he knew exactly how confused Seamus was. Wait, was he that obvious?

Wait, what had the man even said to him?

“He… what?” Seamus felt his cheeks turn red.

Both men chuckled.

“You’re both welcome back to our shop for free ice-cream any time, isn’t that right, August?” Florean leaned closer and whispered: “Don’t kiss too much, though. Not in public. It’s gross.”

Seamus nodded silently, still flushed. He looked over at Dean, and Dean looked back at him with a wide smile. His dimples showed, like they only did when he was really happy, and his eyes sparkled in a way that made Seamus’s brain go fuzzy.

“Eat your ice-cream now, kiddo, and stop staring. It’s very obvious.”

Seamus didn’t know if he should thank the man or slap him, but to be honest, slapping a complete stranger who just offered you free ice-cream whenever you wished to have it didn’t seem like a very good idea.

[three-leafed-clover]

day 26 - belief in _____ @nosebleedclub

when you are both queer and you believe in god, god as both the individual and the church, one of those two teach you that you are inherently a sinner, and so you have to try harder-than-others to be worthy-of-jesus, despite the fact that they also teach you that you don’t have to do anything to be worthy-of jesus, because jesus came to save you. but you, you were born different; you were born strange, so you have to be a saint to be an average christian.

and so they teach you how to be holy, telling you over and over again that it isn’t kindness or compassion or belief or repentance. it’s hunger.

holiness is starvation, your pastor says to you, and so do your parents, and so does that random customer at work. so does your uncle at your grandmas fucking funeral service. they all say it, both out loud and without saying it. you can be queer as long as you never have a crush. never hold a girl's hand, or god forbid, kiss her. hate the sin, love the sinner.

you can be queer so long as you never use other pronouns, even if they make you happy. you can be queer as long as you're ashamed of it. you can only want what you can’t have.

and that doesn’t just go for wanting love or support, wanting relationships and kissing and vulnerability and someone who knows the color of your eyes and the things that make you laugh. you can’t want chai lattes, or coffee with more than a tablespoon of sweetened creamer, or eat pad thai even though it’s your favorite food on non-special occasions, because gluttony is a sin. you can’t sit down, you can’t stop moving, you can’t not strain yourself. that's sloth, you’d be a sinner. you can’t be too proud of a piece of art you made, or your grades, because pride is a sin, and if you are more of a sinner than you are naturally, then you’re the villain of this story. you’re disgusting. you’re a monster. you’re an abomination, in their words.

holiness is hunger. holiness is wanting. holiness is starvation, it’s denial. that's all it's ever been. that’s why you fast, that’s why you pray.

praying hasn’t been talking to god so much as it’s been begging for forgiveness for having a body for years now.

[arian-archivist-11]

‼️TW! Homophobic abuse‼️

Every couple of days I have an argument with my homophobic mom and absolutely crush her and put her to shame.

I call her the pathetic, homophobic abuser that she is and all she can do is threaten me and prove my point.

Only do it when you know you're safe But standing up for your makes you feel so much happier.

I don't hold any shame, guilt, or fear anymore. I walk away from the conflict happier then I was before. Remember there is no peace in abuse. You're not 'rocking the boat', they are. They are abusing you with their bigotry. They are not normal, not natural, not ecceptable; they are the problem. Not you. It's worth it every time you stand up for yourself and exist as yourself with no shame. There will be fear but that joy will grow and make you stronger, assured.

I feel more joyful and confident then I ever did before. I feel powerful. I can say without a doubt now that i love my queer self.

I can speak my mind with such clarity when before i would choke up and placate to make MY pain more ecceptable to MY ABUSER.

I won't be her victim anymore. I'll be myself, the real me, the me that is really happy. Not the cis-het idea she has of me.

I can say i don't love nor need her anymore and that it's okay for me to feel that way about my abuser.

She's a religious schizophrenic bigot who is very aware of her condition and refuses to get help just so she can victimize herself at my expense and has made my life miserable for years.

And my heart will be burned by her no longer.

I'm finally free.

You can be free too. It gets better.

[thenon-fictiondays]

Hirano to Kagiura light novel translation 4-1

Chapter 4: Fall.

Part 1

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It might be September by now, but the sun’s rays know no bounds.

Heat from the weather aside, the schoolhouse on the coattails of summer break is permeated with the fervor of the students.

Among all those in the athletic clubs who have undergone away games and training camps, there are many who have deepened both their tans and their virility. The sense of achievement characteristic of those who kept up with their exercise lives within their growth spurts.

Hirano’s roommate is, once again, one of them.

Kagiura, who’s gotten a bit taller, has gotten used to high school, completely devoid of the anxiety he’d seemed to have around the time he’d started school.

Since they’d met up over the summer, he’s become more and more relaxed, and Hirano can’t help but think of him as a beloved younger brother.

Wait, but younger brothers don’t do things like give you earrings, do they?

Hirano isn’t really in a position to judge, with no siblings of his own.

He’d found his original earrings while organizing his luggage after returning from Kagiura’s countryside home. They’d fallen into his school bag and hidden themselves beneath the stiff bottom plate.

What should I do about it? he’d wondered, but figured well, whatever, and didn’t bother switching out his new ones. He’ll keep them in the dorm just in case, but ultimately plans to keep using the ones Kagiura gave him.

As soon as the new term starts, preparations for the Cultural Festival are full speed ahead. Even the first years, who aren’t used to running events without the guidance of a faculty member, are gradually gaining opportunities to build character. The Executive Committee members have so many responsibilities that it has become difficult to carry out their studies without the cooperation of their classmates.

Kagiura also has the situation of being part of the ‘Sports Recommendation Squad’, and his grades are not up to snuff. It would be good if they don’t take a hit from his extracurricular responsibilities, but that will come down to his own efforts.

It’s not just the Executive Committee members who are swamped. The students in the culture clubs are also at their busiest, and with the autumn tournament right around the corner, there’s no way the athletics clubs can cut back on practices.

The sweltering nights have yet to abate; yet despite these conditions which could even be called cruel, most of the students are eagerly awaiting the Cultural Festival. You might even get away with saying all of them.

Because, after all, girls come to visit the cultural festival. 

And even without that element, a festival is still a festival. 

This is a time when the whole student body is restless, so the Disciplinary Committee will be on top of keeping everyone in line—or such is their public stance, but they won’t be too strict about moderating uniforms and hair styles.

In any case, a high proportion of the students will be in costumes on the day of the festival. 

There's also at least one class cross-dressing every year. 

This year, that’s right, it's the class that Hirano is unfortunately a part of. More specifically, it's been decided that Hirano will be one of the ones in drag. 

Oiwa-san—a famous spirit who makes an appearance in the Yotsuya Kaidan.¹

There are many variations of the famous ghost story, in which Oiwa, the deceased wife, holding a grudge over the betrayal of her husband, Iemon, slaughters every last person involved. Apparently, they will be basing the makeup off of Tōkaidō Yotsuya Kaidan², which is popular among Hirano’s classmates.

He’d been shown reference images of the ghost, her face half disfigured and inflamed by poison, but the picture was nightmare fuel when viewed in the dark.

Supposedly it’s a style of Halloween makeup that’s been popular in recent years, but the trial makeup that had been applied to his arm after school in order to match the shade to his face had been truly grotesque.

This information is to be kept top secret until the last possible minute on the day of, in the interests of building hype.

While Hirano is putting away his homework, the door opens with a click.

His roommate is home.

It’s still bright outside, but the dining hall is just about to open for dinner.

“Hirano-san, I’m home!”

“Welcome home, Kagi-kun.”

These days, Kagiura usually gets a bit bashful in reply to Hirano’s greeting, seemingly tickled. So naive and innocent he must be, making such an expression with no fear of being misunderstood.

There were days they’d spent together, but summer vacation had been long.

There’s an air of a different kind of newness from the one there’d been in the period before they’d gotten used to sharing a dorm—Kagiura probably feels it too. At least, Hirano thinks so.

He feels closer to Kagiura compared to before. After all, he’s met his immediate and extended family, so of course they’d feel more intimate. It’s as if the part of himself that had been on guard while thinking about how to act as a senpai in his second year in the dorms has been absolved.

After Hirano had filled out his print-outs as if in competition with Kagiura, who’d spread out his homework in a frenzy, they’d headed to the dining hall a little later than usual.

It always takes him about 3 or 4 days to get back into the swing of dorm life.

Speaking of which, he thinks.

Before Kagiura moved into the dorms, Hirano had been quite nervous.

He’d talked to Hanzawa about it one time when the Disciplinary Committee had a meeting, and they’d brainstormed strategies to avoid scaring Kagiura off.

He’d also felt it would be a waste of his efforts if he was only friendly at the beginning of their time spent living together; thus, they’d come to the conclusion that it wouldn’t be too far out of Hirano’s depths to give him a nickname and use “-kun”.

Oh yeah, that’s right. At the beginning I called him Kagiura-kun.

He’s been calling his name every day, enough that he’d ended up shortening it, thinking it’s too long and clunky.

Kagiura has morning practice tomorrow, too, so there's no way he can let him oversleep.

Hirano got that, but there was something on his mind that just wouldn’t go away, so he asked before shutting off the lights. 

".....Hey, um. I know you're working hard, so I don't wanna rain on your parade, but are your studies going all right? I haven't heard how your proficiency test went yet."

As the words leave his mouth, he thinks, what am I, a private tutor? and laughs drily to himself.

For the results of the test held right after summer break, a list ranking every student in their grade and the standard score were passed out to each person, the same as for the periodic exams.

For first years, they can be used as nothing more than a reference, but due to the breadth of the material covered, in some cases they might be used to determine which schools to apply to when compared to results from previous cram schools.

“...I just barely passed.”

“What’s the damage?”

“The teacher said, ‘You didn’t do badly enough that I need to pull you aside, but keep working hard’...”

“I see.”

Which is bad in and of itself, really.

Kagiura hangs his head dejectedly, and Hirano’s tempted to comfort him all the more for having seen the extent of his efforts, but his lack of preparation is unmistakable.

“Kagi-kun, after the cultural festival is over, you gotta step it up. If you miss some of the notes, get someone to show you theirs before the next day. Don’t let them build up. If you end up with a backlog of notes to take, you’re not gonna be able to understand them.”

Hirano knows deep down he’s probably worrying too much, but he keeps the expression on his face stern. The beginning is the key to everything. Among his classmates in the ‘Sports Recommendation Squad’ who, like Kagiura, are bad students, there are many whose grades plummeted after going on to their second year.

Who knew he’d become this much of a worrywort after becoming someone’s senpai?

“Yeah…Hirano-san, will you teach me again?”

“Sure. But you better bring back good grades.”

“I will! …By the way, can I ask you something?”

He ducks his head as he asks the question, a gesture with all the charm one would expect from someone as cute as him.

“What’s up?”

“When you were a first year, did the senpai you roomed with teach you how to study, too?”

“Nah, no way.”

“Hm…did you not get along?”

“It’s not that we didn’t get along, we just weren’t really that close. I wasn’t nearly as friendly a kouhai as you are.”

This is usually the case for dorm students. Hanzawa, contemptuous of homosexual relations, has a reputation in certain circles for having a finely-tuned gaydar and showing up to cockblock any time he senses anyone getting a little too close.³

His distaste isn’t unwarranted; apparently it has to do with his family, so even Hirano feels bad for him.

“...Does that make me special, then?”

“Why are you so happy about that?”

At Hirano’s jests of what are you, a dog? Kagiura breaks into a grin.

“Yeah. You know, I’m glad I’m your roommate, Hirano-san.”

Hirano smiles wryly; Kagiura’s got him wrapped around his little finger without a hint of insincerity.

With Kagiura cozying up to him like this, he doesn’t stand a chance.

*****

T/N: (1) Not sure I need to add more info on this to the story, but it's pretty interesting, so you can read more about it here.

(2) A movie based on the story made in 1959.

(3) Yall....idek what to say about this. I tried to keep the tone lighthearted but the original text literally says 'gay-hating Hanzawa' and describes his feelings as disgust. Idk why the writer put this but our boy is NOT like that 😭 I actually broke my vow of not looking at the official TL just to see how they handled this bit and they completely watered it down lmao. and tbh, yall know my dedication to accuracy but I WAS TEMPTED. While going back and forth about what I should do, I told my sister about it, and she suggested that Hanzawa doesn't actually hate gays, he just hates gay sex and will stand for none of it in his dorm so...we're going with that interpretation 💀🙃💀🙃

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Special shoutout to @jeizet, @jujupanic, @massyworld, @umbreonwolfy, and @acidsuzanne-blog for sponsoring these updates 🙌

[the-knife-consumer]

"Yona was just added bc Nintendo wants people to stop shipping sidlink!" Literally what the hell are you talking about

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

me and the boys (phannies) trying to explain to the kids that bullied dan in school why it’s ok when we’re homophobic towards dan but not when they were: no you see when you called him homophobic slurs you meant it as an insult, but when we call him homophobic slurs, we… well actually we still mean it as an insult, but like in a cute fun whimsical way. it’s different i swear. anyway we’re gonna beat you up now.

[jankwritten]

Needing to go to bed vs wanting to write hockey AU. Who will win.

(Bed. Dear god let it be bed……)

[andrewwtca]

either I'm being delusional right now or soriku is endgame