#honestly I still find it absurd anyone would be interested in me at all

[pepplemint]

Is it cruel to accept going on a date with a guy when you know you're like. Aromantic

[galacticlamps]

I just wanted to apologize to my classic whotuals for all the dead boy detectives spamming, but it's also important to me that you guys know two things:

a) I've become aware that a lot of what appeals to me about dead boy detectives is, on a kind of conceptual/thematic level, the same stuff that I love about my favorite eras of dr who, and 6b in particular

And I tell you this not as an advertising tactic but as a genuine PSA for anyone following me because:

b) Being me & having realized this, I know I'm definitely gonna wind up posting some unnecessarily long-winded analysis/comparison, pop it in the main tags for the sake of organization on my own blog, and subsequently confuse a hell of a lot of people there who either have no idea what I'm talking about or simply don't view either piece of media in the same light as I do to begin with

So I just wanted to reassure everyone that at least you're not suffering alone, as I will soon be inflicting the reverse bait-and-switch upon others!

That's all! continue w ur scrolling <3

[opultea]

Abnormal Love Languages

Genshin men with weird ways of expressing their love for you - Gender Neutral Reader (No Pronouns) - SFW - Romantic - Fluff/Crack

ft. Alhaitham, Wanderer, Heizou, Tighnari, Dottore

Alhaitham

The Scribe of the Akademiya, a renowned scholar, and a totally awkward boyfriend

So what does this intelligent, well-known, socially unaware man do when he wants to show you he loves you?

Infodumping

Knows a lot and makes sure you know it too

If he fell in love with you that means he respects your intelligence and curiosity enough to find interest in your company

So whenever he's on the couch with a new book on Theoretical Quantum Mechanics, he will be reciting the facts to you as if he's doing an oral presentation

Alhatiham keeps one of those big rolly whiteboards in his house (usually used to lecture Kaveh) and you know that when he pulls it out then it is officially date night

He pours you both a glass of wine for a nice candlelit dinner, but then you ask him about his new book and suddenly it's a romantic candlelit lecture

Lucky you find his intelligence attractive ;)))

If you ever need gift ideas for him just get a pack of multicoloured whiteboard markers, he always needs new ones

Even though you might end up regretting enabling his little habit

Wanderer

Traumatised Tsundere (TM)

Has never wanted anything more than to be loved the way he observed in humans, but has always believed he could never be loved in any way. It has only been proven to him that it isn't possible

So he protects himself from rejection by teasing and swatting you away, almost trying to make you hate him so he can at least expect what reactions to get from you

He views it as safe, he knows how humans are when they are angry and hateful, he's experienced it firsthand, so he knows what will come of it

Even though he's secretly saddened by feeling like he has to hurt you

So when you respond to him bonking your head with laughter and a smile brighter than he's seen on anyone in his direct presence before, it startles him

When he pushes your face away with his hand and you retaliate by latching onto his arm he freezes (Wanderer.exe has stopped working)

Calls you stupid and insults your survival instincts

"Honestly, if a complete stranger were to push you away like this, would you still clutch their arm like a lost puppy? How absurd, you obviously couldn't survive without me protecting you, since you evidently can't tell good intentions from bad ones,"

Then you pout and tell him that of course you don't do this with other people, you do it because it's him!

He stops working again

Shoves you to the ground to avoid you seeing how red his face is

Heizou

Riddles and puzzles/tries to quiz you by making you help him solve a case

Brings you to crime scenes even though you are not a detective and definitely aren't allowed to be there just so he can test your skills

"So, what can you gather from this crime scene? This case isn't particularly difficult, so I have no doubt you'll be chasing down the perp in no time,"

Honestly your whole relationship is like an escape room

You want to get into your house but forgot your key? Well knock in morse code and maybe Heizou will let you in

You want to have a nice lunch date with your boyfriend? Well you best be prepared for an intense game of shogi while you eat

You want Heizou to pass you a pen? Well first you must answer these questions three!

But seriously, he makes it fun for you and makes sure to let you know that it’s his way of telling you how much he respects you and he values your input and intelligence

Tighnari

As an Amurta scholar and a forest watcher who has seen way too many cases of mushroom-based food poisoning, Tighnari has learnt to be prepared to dish out medical treatment

So if you cough even once, or sneeze in his presence, Tighnari will begin an impromptu check-up to ensure you're still feeling your best

You try telling him you're fine, people sneeze all the time without being sick, but he just scolds you even more for thinking you could get away without him making sure you're alright

"Don't be so proud, you idiot. What am I going to do with you if you go and get sick?"

Tighnari would hate if you fell ill under his careful watch, but if you do get sick or injure yourself, prepare for a two hour lecture and a bowl of fresh creamy mushroom stew to help you get back into tiptop shape

He's usually incredibly busy with his forest watcher duties, but will somehow almost never leave your side if he's tending to you

When you aren't sick, he makes sure you're eating well, going so far as to prepare your meals or make a nutrition table based on the vitamins he thinks you need more of

Always reminds you to drink water and take any medication you need, your health is his top priority

Dottore

Psychopath (Endearing)

Takes x-rays of you just to admire your lovely bone structure and hangs them up around your shared bedroom as if they're regular date pictures

He loves to have you sit in his lap as he caresses your body and coos at your flesh, whispering sweet nothings in his suavest voice about your organs, and telling you what a strong heart you must have because he can feel it through your shirt

Unwinding with Dottore almost always goes this way, with you getting a shower of what you're pretty sure are compliments about your internal systems and physical attributes

He once shocked you with a mini electric buzzer just to see your central nervous system go off. You were naturally quite annoyed about it but he just shrugged it off, claiming that he just loved to see your body at work, although he never did it again

His doctor brain never turns off, so be prepared to have his fingers in your mouth as he goes on about what wonderful teeth you have

It certainly makes you feel... special

You should feel special, he definitely doesn't do this with anyone else

Dottore is so enchanted by your being that he grows human organs in his lab that are exactly the size and shape of yours, saying it's so you can see for yourself just how beautiful you are

[atryoshka]

Frenchie and Izzy getting together would be genius and tbh I can't unsee it now

Love that Izzy and Frenchie actually have a lot in common on a deeper level that wasn't really apparent to me until s2 when we see how they deal with trauma in equal but opposite ways. We have Frenchie with his little box that allows him to straight up ignore the dark shit he's been through like it doesn't exist, happily eat some blood cake, and thinking that his death being given a clear deadline is a comfort. Then we have Izzy trying to stone face his way through having his body parts severed, just business as usual bc that's the pirate life and it won't change even though he's visibly holding back tears, and then accusing the crew of being too cowardly to kill him, actively inviting death bc he doesn't get why any of it even matters so keeping him alive is pointless.

What's interesting is that given the right circumstances, they could easily trade places, with Izzy being more lighthearted and Frenchie falling apart at the seams.

We've already seen signs of this with Izzy being much more chilled out after the crew made him the new unicorn, finding something in this terrible life that make him see them, and himself, in a more positive light. Like yeah, life is still filled with unimaginable horror, but now has a custom gold painted unicorn leg to trudge through it with, which is absolutely absurd but now he can't help but smile. So he decided his life is so unserious right now and you know what? A shark took his leg, end of story, here's a little wooden shark I made today just for fun lol. Frenchie on the other hand is still pretty relaxed despite everything that's happened so far, but I have a feeling that he was probably very similar to izzy in the past before he joined the crew of The Revenge. His past is pretty mysterious even with the little tidbits we get like him being in the service for bit. It doesn't sound like he was doing it for too long so the other things in his life that he doesn't talk about remain unknown, probably even to himself. The box exists so he can pretend any trauma he experiences doesn't even exist, unlike a fiction which still somewhat acknowledges that there was something that happened to him in a way he could accept. The truth is, he actually never moved on bc all the parts of his life that he's ignoring are still lurking inside him waiting to break out at anytime. I think when something accidentally triggers a memory he suppressed, we'll see a different side to him. Less chill, more shrewd survivalist, like when he and the others reunited with the revenge crew after being stranded at sea. He bounced back pretty fast after they got past the pinnata and cake standoff but it was interesting to see how ready he was to be violent and how untrusting he was of everyone's intentions in that context. He'd usually be much more chill and willing to fast talk his way out of a situation, even when he knows someone has bad intentions. (There's also probably something with religious trauma he's hiding but that's a whole other can of worms I won't get into. All I'll say is that combined with his very strong beliefs of the supernatural and grudging flippant way he does the cross symbol on himself when others do it, when they boarded the cursed ship, he was that only one to not step in the satanic circle before anyone even questioned what the strange lines even were. Did he immediately recognize it and consciously avoid it or was it gut reaction? Idk, but he sure as hell didn't speak up about it and just wearily watched the other step into it and draw their own conclusions. ) But getting back on track Honestly, their dynamic would be really interesting to explore in the show bc they could understand and care about each other in ways that would probably surprise them if given the opportunity to spend more time together on screen. tl;dr: All this to say that I fell down the rabbit hole after realizing that they are basically this meme, which has a lot of potential for so many hilarious and accidentally heartbreaking moments

[tobi-smp]

Please what’s the moomin reference I’m dying to know

Context: [Link 1, Link 2]

*breaths deeply in two year long hyperfixation* wELL

I've tried to write this post a Few times without going into a full essay about what moomin is, as that's Not necessary for answering the question. however, I am unfortunately me and this is the Writes Essays Blog. so I've simply decided I will be a nuisance instead.

but the plus side is that I've been thinking about writing about some of my other fandoms here for a while ! so, for a crash course on the franchise:

“moomin,” “the moomins,” or “moominvalley” is a franchise originally stemming from first novels and then comics written in the 1940s-50s by the finnish author tove jansson, which has since ballooned with Many adaptations and other such goodies (like themeparks and games). 

it’s most popular adaptation is hands down the 90s anime adaptation ! which took tove’s charming designs and calming atmosphere and kicked it up to 11 with a long-form slice of life series

but all versions have their own particular flair and tone, even two versions created by tove herself are Very different. with the comics having a focus in on the absurd and comedic and the novels, while certainly Having those elements, also focus in on more serious themes and melancholy!

(here's a brief rundown for the differences in the adaptations for anyone interested ! [Link])

of course, moomin was a relatively unknown entity in the us because it never officially released here, but there was a brief boom here on tumblr in 2019 thanks to the release of a new adaption (called moominvalley)!

it was a perfect storm for a couple reasons:

1: while it can be a bit difficult to track down the series in the us, the Characters are all extremely accessible. with their designs alone you can pick up on who and what the main cast are both Quickly and Scarily Accurately, with the fandom largely rising Before most people had found access to the content itself flkjfdaskjkjl

they're Incredibly Simple characters that still lend themselves well to complexity. they aren't blank slates in the slightest, but they're easy to Bend and reimagine and flesh out. which is really appealing to fandom spaces!

2: having multiple different fleshed out iterations to choose from meant that if you looked you could most likely find something that suited your taste! (it'd be an incredibly accessible franchise if they'd actually make their content Accessible world wide)

3: this is Especially relevant in how the franchise can act as both escapism and catharsis. the 90s anime especially is a comfortable cottage-core fantasy to sink yourself into and forget the woes of real world (something that was about to become Very relevant in 2019), but the novels were specifically written for an audience that was actively living through war.

and while tove never wanted to make the franchise Dark or Gritty, she wanted to create a series that could help children process and come to terms with some of the feelings they Would realistically be experiencing. one of the very first novels is "Comet in Moominland," where a great comet is coming down to crash into the earth. it still engages with comedy and with the absurd, and of course nobody Dies, but it was very intentionally trying to create an accessible outlet to understand Tragedy and Fear. among lots of other things ! and this is, of course, tempered with the warm comforts of friends and family and community.

I think there's a lot to be gained by sifting through this franchise Now honestly. something that can both Distract from the bleakness and help process it, with a certain gentleness either way.

4: tove jansson was an Incredibly queer woman, and this absolutely bleeds into her work and the adaptations that followed!

while inspiration isn't an Exact one-to-one, tove Has spoken about her inspirations for her characters before. moomin (the character) draws a great deal from herself while snufkin, moomin's "best friend" and a funny little beastie, draws from her lovers both in personality and in relationship to moomin!

a big inspiration for snufkin was a man who had nearly been her husband, a vagabond and a socialist for that matter. the official moomin site (which is cannot stress enough, is representative of the franchise itself and heavily curated) describes That as follows [Link]:

In many ways the relationship of Moomintroll (Tove’s alter-ego) and Snufkin describes the relationship between Tove and Atos. Moomintroll admires Snufkin who still is quite distant and very often Moomintroll is also experiencing a deep sense of longing and yearning when Snufkin is leaving to his adventures or choosing to be at peace with his own thoughts. Moomintroll tries to understand Snufkin’s desire for freedom, even though the waiting is not easy.

Just like Tove admired Atos and just like Tove waited for Atos, his love confessions and commitment. [End transcription]

but it was Also based, in part, on the woman who was her wife in all but legality. [Link 1, Link 2] Having met some time 1956 and having stayed life long partners until tove's death in 2001.

they'd built a home together on an island where they'd go to stay every summer, enjoying their own travels and adventures along the way !

come winter, moomin would pine for snufkin as he made his yearly travel down south, but the spring and summer months would always bring snufkin's return! and all the love and warmth that came with him uwu

How exactly that bleeds through in the franchise itself is well. Extensive. picking literally any iteration and trying to lay out, in full, the queer themes present would be an essay longer than this one. so instead have a small selection to illustration the point:

[Link 1, Link 2, Link 3, Link 4, Link 5, Link 6]

now, naturally, this was (and is) queercoding rather than explicit representation, but this was a queer woman pushing the boundaries of what was allowed to Be in children's media starting in the 1940s and onwards.

there's something About a woman who lived a full and happy life with the woman she loved, pouring that love into her life's work to create a foundation of care and acceptance for the generation that'd come after her, only to see a resurgence of queer teens See her and say what she wasn't allowed to out loud.

which brings us to !

5: the general blanket of pure acceptance radiating from the series.

that's not necessarily anything New for a children's franchise, but in combination with everything else it creates an environment for an absolute comfort series. this fragment of an article about the series has far and away wormed it's way into my mind in some irreversible way (and that's quite a good thing) [Link]:

In most fiction, family is what you escape from if you want to fulfill yourself. For Jansson, family is a place of tolerance, where we can fail and become ourselves. Her experience of growing up gay is there in Snufkin – who is all the more loved for being different. Like the prodigal son, everyone is so thrilled to see him, no one ever asks him where he has been. It’s there too, in Too-Ticky, Jansson’s portrait of her partner. And above all it’s there in the wonderful story where Moomintroll is transformed into the bug-eyed King of California, and his mother recognises him straight away. [End transcription]

the quickest and most accurate description for this series, this franchise as a whole, that I could give is Warmth.

that's not to say that it's All roses. tove herself was an icon, but moomin company is a Company in charge of a franchise in the same ball park as disney properties. but considering there's no way to legally support moomin in the states I'd say the morality of engaging with it on that basis isn't exactly the most pressing of issues.

now with all of That out of my system: the actual information relevant to the comparison.

one of the stories in moomin (the novels, the 90s anime, and the 2019 adaptation, though I'm most familiar with the latter) is "The Invisible Child." [Link]

it's the story of ninny, an invisible child that moomin and co find and bring into their home to try to figure out Why she's invisible and how to fix it.

as we come to find out, ninny went invisible and lost her voice (even the ink on paper she tried to write on going invisible) because she'd been made to Feel invisible through the neglect of her aunt.

the moomins help ninny find her confidence again, with small aspects coming back to her as they make progress and regressing as they make missteps. but the ultimate point is that she needs to feel Seen and Heard.

that feeling of not having a voice, of not having a Presence, taking on the form of a Physical curse of invisibility.

it's a concept that meshes Extremely well with tommy's situation, even Without the headcanon.

[badpostureart]

It Could Only Ever be Rinharu

Author’s Entry Angle

As of May of 2023, the Makoharu v. Rinharu debate is alive and well, albeit on a much smaller scale than in years prior. I’ve been on team Rinharu for almost a decade now. The earliest I expressed (purely personal) written support for them was back in late October 2014 and my first fanart of them (never shared publicly) was finished in early November of that year. Since then, my writing and art have improved dramatically, but my feelings about Rin and Haru have largely remained the same. Equally, the debate hasn’t changed that much either—at least from those outspoken about their dislike of the other side. Indeed, some variation of the word “toxic” has at one point or another been used to describe both pairings, with fans caricaturing the other side as being overly emotional and/or delusional when faced with content of the pairing they don’t like. It’s honestly quite funny to read!

For me, shipping has been a cheeky exercise in empathy and introspection about relationships more broadly. Rinharu is kind of like a first love. Not only were they the first coupling I would defend with my dying breath, but they were invaluable in contouring my understanding of romantic love in all its absurdities. Undoubtedly, my own experiences (limited as they are) and personality colour my preference, and I’ve spent the last 10 years trying to articulate what I love about these goobers so damn much. What does being a Rinharu truther say about me, if anything at all? I would like to explain my Rinharu-or-bust rationale precisely because this has been such a polarizing debate in the fandom. What is obvious to me is not obvious to others—there would be no debate if that were the case. After all this time, I don’t hate people who ship Makoharu. They have poor taste, of course, but that isn’t worth hating someone over. Heh, just kidding! I’m being an ass on purpose because it’s just so easy!

Being that Free! has recently celebrated its tenth anniversary, I understand that people have had a long time to formulate their opinions and dig their heels in either way. I don’t believe engaging in debate will change people’s minds, and that isn’t what I’m trying to do here anyway. This is purely for fun! Additionally, while I’m still relatively new to posting on social media, I’m pretty sure it’s too late to respond directly to some of the points I mention below. Moreover, I don’t want to impose myself onto other people’s conversations—even though they’re public and some are overtly anti-Rinharu and antagonistic towards its supporters. These folks are ultimately entitled to their wrong opinions.

If you decide to indulge me and give my thoughts a read, I offer these disclaimers: I fully appreciate Makoto’s role in the Free! series more broadly and recognize that he is an important person in Haru’s life. Although I’ve never been a fan of Makoharu, I can appreciate where their supporters are coming from. I’m not writing in bad faith and do not wish to antagonize anyone. Equally, if I say anything you agree with, feel I’ve missed something, or think I’m completely out of line, please don’t be shy in letting me know! I’ve long wanted to engage in this conversation, but largely felt too shy to do so!

On Makoto Being “Boring”

Recently, I read a thread on Twitter where someone expressed indignation at the prospect of someone disliking Makoto for being “too nice.” Even after hearing at some point that people who aren’t his biggest fan find him boring, another commentator concluded that it’s “definitely something else.” What that “something else” could be…I’m not sure either! But I can certainly elaborate on the sentiment that Makoto is a boring character.

I, for one, don’t find him incredibly interesting. It isn’t that he’s “too nice,” but more so that his kindness is among the only characteristics I can think of to describe him. Frankly, I don’t know much about Makoto other than he’s kind, considerate, and supportive of others. His biggest flaws, if you could even call them that, are that he has a hard time being assertive and can be cowardly. He’s a nice guy, and how can you hate a nice guy without looking like a complete monster? By the same token, while I can’t hate him, I don’t feel particularly strong enough to like him that much either. I appreciated how Nao asks Makoto in Starting Days whether he likes swimming or simply that it’s something he can do with Haru because it addressed the problem I, (and likely others), had with Makoto’s character: Who is Makoto if Haru isn’t there? Aside from Haru, what does he like? What does he want to do purely for himself? By the movie’s end, I didn’t learn anything new about Makoto. He at least made peace with confirming that although he does like swimming in and of itself, he likes it better when it’s something he can do with his best friend. While completely unoffensive, it’s nothing to get excited about either.

On “Codependency” and “Toxicity”

Based on what we’ve covered so far, is it fair to say Makoto is overly dependent on Haru? Perhaps in some ways, but not to the degree of a complex. Growing up is hard, and being apart from someone you’ve spent virtually your whole life with is quite the adjustment to make. A better example of codependency would be Hiyori and Ikuya, with the former isolating the latter in order to hoard him privately to himself. (But that’s a story for another day).

On the flip side, Rinharu has been called toxic, presumably because they fight and have said hurtful things to each other. Oftentimes, these instances are the result of miscommunications, and while I wish they would be more honest with each other from the outset, they deserve grace too. Being vulnerable is not an easy thing to do—especially concerning someone one has strong feelings for. It may seem easier to push someone away or refuse to let them in to preserve a sense of pride or to protect oneself from the possibility of being hurt all over again. But for all the fighting Rin and Haru do, they have always reconciled and been able to express what having the other in their life means to them. They wouldn’t be able to affect each other as much as they have if they didn’t really care about each other, hm?

On Canonical Material

With translations of the FS Fanbook underway, some folks have suggested that being an “irreplaceable existence” is more significant than “destined to swim together,” but this depends entirely on how each statement is interpreted. Being that Makoto and Haru have known each other for basically their entire lives, you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who could possibly know either of them better. They were firsthand witnesses to how the other grew up over the years because they did it together. Indeed, this relationship should in no way be underestimated or thought of as dispensable. Still, being a “destined pair” suggests to me that Rin and Haru’s connection is bigger than either one of them. Put another way, it is as if the universe itself declared that the two were on a crash course to meet and would ultimately share a future together. Now, depending on whether you see swimming as just a sport/shared interest or whether you believe, (like I do), that it’s an intrinsic part of who they are and how they express themselves and love toward others, then the implications of the statement “destined to swim together” are decidedly quite different.

I’ve never felt like Makoto and Haru were anything more than best friends. Between running the same “drop the chan already” routine and essentially being able to read each other’s minds, their relationship has settled into something undoubtedly solid. It’s clear that they understand each other very well and have an unspoken agreement to always support each other. If romantic love were a matter of practicality, Makoto would perhaps be the most reasonable candidate for Haru. It’s a safe choice. But the laws of attraction don’t adhere to whatever is most rational—it isn’t a matter of who knows you the best, has known you the longest, or fights with you the least. It’s about who moves you and makes you feel something. I don’t wish for Haru to make choices just because they’re familiar and easy or out of fear of possibility.

Likewise, Rin is special to Haru in a way different from any of his other friends—something that is acknowledged and talked about by other characters throughout the series. Nagisa remarks in season one that “Haru-chan says he doesn’t care about his times or winning races, but he’s motivated when he’s racing Rin-chan.” Why is that? What is it about Rin in particular that motivates Haru in a way no one else does? Even when they first met, Haru knew immediately that the other boy was going to be a prominent character in his life whether he wanted him to be or not. He tries to get ahead of it, even run away from it, but he decides instead to be brave and open up enough to let Rin, in all his fleeting glory, nestle inside his bones. We’re treated to Haru’s entire emotional range where Rin is concerned. (Frankly, he was the first person I think Haru allowed himself to be vulnerable with by agreeing to join the medley in elementary school). Despite only being in the same class for a couple of months, Rin left a deep and lasting impression on Haru to the point where he thinks about the other boy well into high school. Hell, feeling as though he hurt Rin caused Haru to quit (and later come back to) the sport he loves most. For someone who goes out of their way to avoid participating in, well, life, Rin sure does a hell of a job in moving Haru to actively engage with what goes on around him. In season two, Nagisa knowingly asks Makoto why he wanted to compete against Haru in the prefecturals. Makoto can’t give a definite answer, but says, “Maybe I was jealous of Rin.” If the audience were to understand Rin simply as Haru’s swimming rival and nothing more, Makoto’s words are incomprehensible. It isn’t just a rivalry with Haru that Rin has, but a mutual, intimate connection over the sport. In other words, Makoto’s feelings towards Haru are not reciprocated—and he knows it.

Indeed, while Makoto feels swimming is meaningless without Haru, Haru finds the greatest purpose in swimming with Rin. With Rin missing from his life, Haru was prepared to resign to being ordinary. In being able to swim together, he wants to be and experience more. And this isn’t necessarily to say that Makoto and Haru would have an unhappy life together, just that Rin offers Haru something no one else can—namely beautiful sights to be shared. Whereas Makoto has expressed the desire to be a part of Haru’s life no matter what he decides to do, Rin proposes to Haru that they share a life and a dream together. Haru can always be certain that Makoto will be there for him, but seeing all he and Rin can be is realized only if they move forward together. I think it goes without saying how much Rin adores Haru, what with him talking virtually everyone else’s ears off about him. Kisumi didn’t even swim, but he knew who Haru was because Rin (apparently) told all of his buddies at Sano about the guy with the “cool attitude and eyes clear as water.” The guy thinks of Haru in prose for god’s sake!

Rin and Haru’s relationship has undoubtedly gone through growing pains, but they’re getting better at communicating and being completely honest with each other (and, frankly, themselves). I admire their relationship because it’s so god damn dynamic—it’s playful, adorable, rife with tension, beautiful, devastating, frustrating, complicated, and innate all at once. Perhaps precisely because Makoto lacks dynamism I find the prospect of a romantic relationship between him and Haru to be, well…boring. It's not that their connection is non-existent or some flavour of the word toxic—they have a wonderful friendship—but I don’t get the sense that it will change much, let alone develop into anything more in the future. From my perspective, as soon as Rin entered the picture any chance for a romance between Makoto and Haru was soundly squashed. There was simply no going back to the ordinary time before Rin Matsuoka “coincidentally” ended up at Iwatobi Elementary School.

[hippolotamus]

OMG they're so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, so a special response for you. I greatly appreciate you letting me borrow Cal for this (he does have the best ideas after all!) If anyone has no idea what this is in reference to, then you need to go read Spotty's fic Good Knight Sweet Prince

come trick or treat!!

“Hey, Eds, look at this.”

Buck shoves his phone at Eddie presumably to show him whatever recent meme he found interesting.

Eddie takes it from him, minutely adjusting the distance he’s holding it from his face. Only because the light is dim and not because he ‘probably needs bifocals’ thank you very much. On the screen is something called a great eared nightjar. A bird that supposedly looks like a small dragon. And it does for the most part.

“Have you shown me this before?” Buck scrunches his nose like he’s trying to work something out. And forgive Eddie, he finds it adorable as hell because, well, everything his boyfriend does is adorable as hell.

“Uh, no? Not that I remember anyway.”

“Huh.” Buck takes the phone back and chews on his bottom lip.

“They just look so… familiar. Like I’ve seen something like it before.”

He shakes his head and continues scrolling mindlessly through instagram. “Probably just a weird dream I had or something.”

A few days pass, and there’s no more talk about strange birds that look like mythical creatures. Naturally, Eddie doesn’t think about it anymore. At least not until Buck wakes up, hyperventilating in the darkness of their bedroom, desperately trying to inhale.

“Hey! Buck! Look at me!” Eddie grabs him by the shoulders, meeting his gaze so he can get Buck to follow his breaths.

Eddie tries to put up a calm front, to guide Buck through the practiced inhale and exhale they’ve both had to use more than Eddie would like to admit.

“There you are.” Eddie cradles Buck’s face in his palms, noting his breathing has become less ragged but the sparkling blue in his eyes is still dark and full of something like terror. “Shhhh. Buck, I’m here. It’s okay, baby.”

“E-Eddie. I remember. All of it.”

“Remember what, sweetheart?” Eddie asks cautiously. He honestly has no idea where this is going or what could have prompted it.

“The other day, I was showing you that nightjar-”

“The tiny dragon bird thing?”

“Yeah! Exactly. And I said it looked familiar?”

Eddie nods slowly, still not sure what to make of it.

“I was dreaming — at least I thought I was — and it all came back. Eddie, I wasn’t dreaming. They were memories. The reason it looked so familiar is because the little brownish one? It looks like Cal.”

Cal??? Who the fuck is that? Eddie racks his brain but can’t for the life of him think of anyone named Cal. Especially one that resembles a dragon.

“Cal? I’m not- I’m not quite sure I follow you, Buck.”

“Right. Because you don’t remember. Yet.” As if that should make perfect sense.

Buck’s hands are gesticulating wildly while he starts to tell Eddie about — and I know this sounds crazy, Eds but you gotta believe me — the two of them in another life. That information alone is insane enough before Buck gets going about how he was a prince and Eddie was a knight and there was a whole ass dragon named Calenth. Who could talk. At least to those who could understand.

The whole thing should be positively absurd. And it is, it definitely is. What’s even more absurd is the sudden sense of familiarity tickling at the edges of Eddie’s memory. Like there’s something he should remember but can’t.

“You don’t remember any of it?” And, christ, Buck’s voice warbles ever so slightly, breaking Eddie's heart.

It doesn’t seem fair to pretend that Eddie does recall any details, so he keeps the niggling sensation to himself.

“I’m sorry, Buck. I wish I did — if there’s really anything to remember — but I don’t.”

“If there’s really-” Buck cuts himself off and Eddie realizes his mistake. Buck thinks Eddie doesn’t believe him. “Yeah, I can see where that’s all a little out there, but-” Buck licks his lips and throws off the covers. “I, uh, I think I’m gonna go to my loft tonight.”

Fuck.

“Can’t we talk about this?” Eddie pleads as Buck gets dressed, grabs his work duffel and retreats to the front door. "It's 3 am!"

“Eds, we’re fine. Promise. I just need to sort all this out, y’know? It’s- a lot.”

“Yeah, I get it. Text me when you get there?” Because what else is he supposed to say?

“I will. Love you.” Buck leans in for a gentle kiss.

“Love you, too,” Eddie murmurs against his lips, like it isn’t killing him to watch Buck leave in the middle of the night over something Eddie can’t begin to comprehend.

*

Buck is thankful for having the next two days off work. It gives him time to adjust to the influx of memories that continue to flood in. Eddie arriving, Buck hating him – and then falling in love with him – Eddie leaving again, the tournaments and stolen kisses, Buck’s birthday.

How is it that he remembers but not Eddie? It’s all clear as day in his mind, like it just happened.

During their time off he still texts with Eddie, reassures him they’re okay. He even makes reservations at their favorite restaurant and arranges for Carla to watch Christopher on Tuesday night.

There’s one more thing weighing on him before their next shift. How to prove to Eddie that it’s all real. That Buck hasn’t lost his mind. He falls asleep fully dressed, with an open browser window full of endless entries on helping someone restore their memories.

*

Near the end of an exhausting twenty-four, Eddie can only assume Buck is trying to make him remember without actually saying that’s what he’s doing. First is the blue ribbon. Then a dragon figurine. And the knight figurine. A photoshopped picture of Eddie with a beard. All casually left in Eddie’s locker or at his seat at the table in the loft. It takes everything in him to bite his tongue and tell Buck it’s not working. And he’s just preparing himself to have that conversation when Buck catches him by the gym.

“Here!” Buck smiles, bright and bubbly while he hands a plastic play sword to Eddie.

Eddie takes it, letting out a weary, exasperated sigh. “Buck.”

“I know, I know. Just- try? Please?”

How is Eddie supposed to refuse? And that’s how, in the place where they had their first ever blow up, they end up surrounded by Hen, Chim, Bobby and few others from A shift while they have a sparring session. With toy weapons.

Despite how ridiculous the whole thing is, Eddie can’t help but notice how right the sword feels in his hand. The more they swing at each other, the moves becoming more intricate, it’s as if his body leads him in a dance of thrusting and parrying and dodging. He gets lost in the motion and swears he can smell dirt and grass. That he can feel the sun beating overhead, beads of sweat trailing down the back of his neck, even though it’s well past sunset.

Finally he sees it. A weakness in Buck’s stance. He doesn’t know how he knows that, but he does. Eddie lunges forward, causing Buck to overcompensate and fall to the mats where Eddie instinctively aims his sword at Buck’s throat.

Buck simply grins up at him, not seeming to care that he lost.

“You remembered.”

[tonberry-yoda]

YOO, i saw one punch man x reader and i immediately got my ass here, I've been looking for a opm matchup since ages.

Romantic matchup for OPM (obv)

I don't have a preference, but both is fine if possible. He/they

What i want out of a relationship:

is well something simple. A nice relationship, one where i can spoil my partner a lot, since i genuinely love doing that. I like giving headpats so yeah I'm just an overly affectionate person in a relationship, i will respect their boundaries if they do not like pda, i would mostly like one where my partner is like me in someway, as in like same type of personality or the polar opposite either way I'll still give them affection! However if they something like "don't" and actually mean "do it" I'll be in a lost cause so i end up just... Not giving affection. I'm quite oblivious and dumb as it is.

Personality:

I am very crabby, moody and hotheaded. I spend a lot of my time insulting and ranting about shit i find hilarious or interesting, often times rambling or complaining. I'm extremely short-tempered and will become enraged with anything although sometimes i can be comical and childish at random times.

I am one foul mouthed motherfucker, i have a habit of cursing, either regular swear words or the most absurd sounding swear words come out of my mouth. (E.G. : “you blithering feculent shithole” “primitive fuckjam” “putrid shitsmoking cretins” “you dickreeking undulating fuckass” “fucksquatting pain in the waste chute” “heinous ravaging trash" “reprehensible sanctimonious jitterfuckery.”) I am completely incapable of uttering a single word without fucking cursing.

I also tend to be very loud, i have a hard time being aware of my volume and adjusting it. I also go on heavy romcom binges, my favorite one to binge is 50 First Dates.

I am often screaming, pounding my fists against inanimate objects out of sheer fucking anger, or generally raging when talking to anyone. I'm not particularly patient when explaining myself, most of my advices seem to be just a massive wave of random insults along with sarcasm and heavy emphasis on it.

Despite my nubby asshat demeanor, i care deeply for my friends' well being, i will genuinely cry if something happened to them. I do litsen to their problems and comfort them in my own way and attempt to keep everyone safe. And despite my rash behavior, i do have a sense of morality and will occasionally do the right thing any normal person would do.

I also have a knightly persona despite my constant use of profanity, any chance i get to act like a knight I'll take it. In a relationship i would literally just obey my partners orders like an actual knight to his queen/king. I would also kiss their knuckles while kneeling down, i study arachnology and carcinology.

I'm also a huge fan of Shakespeare, I'll occasionally use it in a comical sense or when acting as a knight.

Myself fashion-wise: straight up metalhead fashion, i dress intimidatingly and also to add the fact that I'm tall (like 6'5) except i have no makeup or piercings, and instead wear glasses. I for my look i keep my hair messy or well try to, since my hair is curly and already looks about as messy as a fucking bird nest built by a living tumor.

My type: i don't know yet, all i can tell you right now is that i like men and women.

MUSIC TASTE: It honestly varies. Mostly deathcore or black metal, or just sad break up songs. Then there's songs in my native language. Angsty songs about inferiority complex, corny romantic songs and UHM... CupcakKe, Sabrina Claudio and Ginuwine... 😭💀 i am on the ace/asexual spectrum but i just find their music interesting, Pony and All into You slaps tbh i litsen to them at like any time of the day, my playlist varies from angry metal to sad to angst to brazilian music to straight up horny music. It's basically a mess.

Love language: all the motherfucking affection, cuddling (I'm the little spoon btw) words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and affectionate teasing; with this i basically talk to my partner like how cat owners talk to their cats in that exact same baby voice saying the stupidest but yet endearing bullshit. Basically complimenting with teasing.

- god this is probably so long, and i apologize for that. - 🗡️ anon

I HAVE THE PERFECT PERSON FOR YOU! i read through this- oh also, real fast welcome to the party 🗡️ anon! it's super nice to meet you! :) ANYWAY BACK TO BUSINESS! I read through this and one person popped in my mind, who I adore and I hope you adore as well!

the person I chose for you is...

KING!

like in my head, y'all would literally be PERFECT together

you both have this metal head vibe, but softies deep down and AHH IM OBSESSED

he is big enough to hold you while cuddling and he would literally bury his face in the crook of your neck and it is so cute

he gets all flustered when you spoil him lol

he is just as affectionate as you, so yall are again, literally perfect

he definitely has the same music taste, like i just see it

Y'ALL LOOK SO INTIMIDATING OUT IN PUBLIC LMAOOO

like even if he is hugging onto your arm and giving you a ton of love, you guys will walk into a building and no one I MEAN NO ONE will mess with you

and seriously, you guys have so much in common

if you hear that something happened to him and it breaks your heart you will listen and cry, and he will do the exact same for you

LIKE THIS IS SO PERFECT! (look at me go lol)

he loves you to death and get's flustered when you show that love back because he's a cutie

also, if you're down, he'll play video games with you for hours and if not, you'll listen to music while he's just playin in the background

"I love you so much, King." You squished both of King's bright red cheeks and talked to him in a baby voice.

"N-No I'm not!" He got all flustered and tried to pull away from you, but immediately melted to your touch as you moved your fingers to his head, massaging his scalp.

"Yes you are." You smiled and pulled him close, pressed a kiss onto his lips. "I love you."

He opened one of his eyes and giggled. "I love you too." He pulled you into his giant arms and slammed the two of you on the couch. It quickly became a game of who could cuddle who, but eventually he won, making the two of you fall asleep softly, you pressed against his big chest and one of his large hands on your back.

[ilgaksu]

Oohhh if you're still doing these: 🤲 and 🧠 (for Hei Xiazi)

Good luck with work proposal things, or if I'm late: I hope it went well!

i am absolutely still doing these!!! i'll keep doing them as long as people keep asking them <3

from these fic writer asks

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

(from in me is where the horror is, a wip fic with gender dysphoria, smut, and cohen's 7 monster theses as they apply to xie yuchen)

Look at him, he wouldn’t know what to do with a dick if he was given a diagram, he heard one mercenary say, pure as the driven fucking snow or some shit, and that was safer, among this sort of company, not to correct the assumption: to be viewed as hermeneutically sealed. Honestly, Xie Yuchen sort of found it funny. When the same man died the next day, Xie Yuchen simply stepped over the body and kept going onwards towards the real goal. 

Recently, at least he’s been able to sit next to Hei Xiazi while listening to the bragging of some minor asshole about some girl in some city somewhere, and been able to tell in the rising corner of Hei Xiazi’s mouth that they both heard the exaggerations. 

“Bet you fifty yuan he can’t find a clitoris with a map,” Hei Xiazi murmurs, or something along those lines, every time, his whole body a comforting press along Xie Yuchen’s side; and then he laughs, delightedly, when Xie Yuchen hands him the money on the spot. 

“Don’t be absurd, Xiazi,” he replies, low in his ear. “He’d have to believe it was real.” 

🧠 Pick a character, and I’ll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

Ohhh, I mean, I think the obvious favourite headcanon of mine is Hei Xiazi as a medical student in Weimar Republic Germany. When I first started in the fandom, I hadn't seen any ideas really situating him there in English, and I actually do very little historical research for it - 1920s Europe is already an interest, so I know a lot of it by heart. I also lived in Germany very briefly. I think the upheaval and insecurity of Weimar Germany really fit with Hei Xiazi's sense of being dragged forward through eras and forced, like the Roman curse, to live in interesting times. I don't consider Mongolian Hei Xiazi a headcanon, because it is canon, but I am also very partial to my headcanon that he is the son of a concubine or second wife, and so grew up in a household answering to his own biological mother and to the first wife of his father.

I also think it's worth noting that I consciously chose to diverge from canon and have him going blind as the result of a then-unknown eye condition before he becomes immortal. He's already Hei Xiazi in mine, down to being blind, by the time immortality comes to get him. That was important to me. I don't dispute authorial choices and I don't presume to know the intent behind them, but honestly, as a reader and creator, I'm tired of disability in media being the result of something mystical or otherworldly. Disability is the most ordinary thing in the world; it's the biggest minority in the world, which anyone can join at any point in their lives, and if they're lucky to live a long life likely will. (I have a lot of other feelings about why I picked this so if you ever want to know, you can always ask, I just don't want to go off on my finely-crafted Hei Xiazi and Disability soapbox for too long unprompted.)

However, I'm going to pick something smaller: the headcanon that Hei Xiazi was 36 when he had his first sexual experience with another man is my favourite for him, especially when you remember that I write him as having been sexually active, on and off, from the age of 17. It's important for me to honour the queer experience as one that can feel like you're racing to make up for lost time, or one with a delayed start, but also for a character who I conceive of as so fiercely and unashamedly queer by the point we meet him in canon to have had an implied period of self-reckoning. For me, Hei Xiazi is a character who wants to appear effortless and yet all of it is very, very earned, and this for me was both a first hint of that to readers in my work and also a first hint of that to Xie Yuchen.

[ershisposts]

*sigh* Finally I finished Alchemy of souls season 2

After finishing this I honestly regret ever starting Season 1 because that made me obligated to finish this and oh what a glorious disappointment it was. Let me start first off by ticking off the few things I liked:

Go yoon jung seamlessly filling in for Jung so min. She impressed me a lot in the first episode and she has continued to do so. She just did not have much to go forth because of Hong sister's misogynistic handling of her character as well as the female characters in this show but I will come back to it later.

2 Acting of the cast was top-notch.

Crown prince's character development was done well. He left the most impact on me in this show overall.

Now, to the things I did not like and why it was a disappointment:

Naksu….ahh…the level of regret and pity I have for the absolute character assassination she had to go through to elevate the male characters, it's borderline disgusting. I just could not believe that in the year 2022-2023 two female writers would be this level of misogynistic. Unbelievable. The 2nd half of AOS showed us that they are never gonna raise her to the equal status any of the male characters possess but we still foolishly pressed on just to be dealt with utter disrespect of a character who could have been so much MORE. In part 2, both she and jin bu yeon, another badass character was reduced to nothing but 5 mins of mentionable screen time. Jin mu might be the cause of their deaths in the show but they were killed without kindness at the hands of Hong sisters. Hong sisters' misogyny was not only confined to those two characters but also reduced ALL of the female characters as conniving, mean, dumb, and spoiled one-dimensional idiots whose only job was to put up with orders and requests from the male characters. Maidservant kim who was the only exception is nothing more than a glorified mother figure whose identity starts and ends with her young master. It is downright criminal and blasphemous what these writers did to such talented actresses.

Other than the middle school romance disguised as a fated lovers' angle and the last-minute mythical creature/let's-show-how-cool-the-male-lead-is plot device, I guess they could not come up with anything that is actually creative. But at this point, that's to be expected. Jin mu's divination bell strategy stays largely forgotten to the point he also forgets about it and meets a demise that is so anti-climactic it's laughable.

I honestly can go on and on but at this point, I am so tired. I just finished it for the sake of finishing it but I like I said wish I never even started it because what a FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT. Toward the finale I just wanted it to end. I did not feel anything for the supposed "deaths" that eventually meant nothing. The nonexistence of a plot, the utter 180 of an assassin whose only goal was to serve the man, and even after pulling off an astounding rebirth was more interested in finding a man than remembering who she is, the shoved-down romance that would make you literally CHOKE, the absurdity of lengthy draggy episodes filled with nothing but nonsense. I wish I never started it. I am never watching anything ever from the Hong sisters. The only reason I think anyone was interested was the CGI and action but even that was missing in part 2 so anyone who does not have a lot of time on your hands I URGE you to watch ANYTHING ELSE.

[scrapyardboyfriends]

From today's spoilers the ex is Alex. Clemmie father. Unless there is a surprise twist looks once more like we are going to be disappointed with having a ryan cameo. This month long 50th celebration is such a let down. They've killed off 2 of their best characters and left the terrible ones alive.

I mean...I really didn't think it would be Robert anyway. But it was nice to see Ryan's face at Izzy's leaving dinner.

But god does that Alex stuff sound so incredibly dreadfully dull. Like honestly, who could possibly care about any of that? I mean I like Billy and I never really hated Dawn but wow are their stories boring. And I just cannot bring myself to care about Will and Kim together. Especially after all of that Harriet nonsense. Does anyone actually find any of this interesting?

I mean honestly, every spoiler for next week just made me roll my eyes. The Cain and Al stuff is so incredibly stupid. Just the whole idea of Cain not even confronting Chas about the affair and going straight after Al? It's absurd. Even if he blamed Al for it later, just the fact that he wouldn't even yell at Chas for it? Seems ridiculous. And I just cannot care about Cain and Al facing off and trying to kill each other?Because there's literally no good outcome.

Cain kills Al? Then we have to deal with Cain facing prison and have to deal with him actually killing a man in cold blood and I just...don't want to. Does it ruin the character? Not necessarily but it forces viewers to watch a whole lot of unnecessary nonsense.

Cain injures Al? Same thing basically except it's attempted murder and we still have to deal with this stupid feud.

Al kills Cain? Well then they've just taken out one of their long standing characters that they actually managed to do a decent job of redeeming during the Faith story. And a lot of people would be upset.

Al injures Cain? Then we've got another Dingle who will be in and out of hospital in a day with a cast. And the feud continues? Al maybe goes to prison after much nonsense?

Nothing happens and no one gets shot or hurt? Then honestly...what was even the point in the first place?

All terrible options.

And I also have no idea where this barn is that Kerry and Chloe could possibly be just happening to walk by at the exact moment the gun shots go off?! So dumb. Unless she follows him there because she sees the text or she's just suspicious of him. If they just happen to be there, then it's ridiculous.

I also feel like it's incredibly anticlimactic to have Aaron just....leave on monday without even revealing the affair. I mean I know they mainly brought him back for Liv's death/exit. That was clearly the predominate reason but they also had Aaron be the one to discover the affair and it just seems a shame not to really do anything with that. Chas just bullies him into leaving and he goes. I mean yes, their falling out does start to wake Paddy and Cain up and leads somewhat to Cain finding out with the phone call but I would much rather get another dramatic affair reveal speech from Aaron. To Paddy or to Cain, I don't care.

"Why do you think she wasn't with Faith when she was dying?" BECAUSE SHE WAS WITH AL!

It could have been an epic way to go out, that's all I'm saying.

Instead....it'll just kind of be...nothing.

I'm really going to have to go back to being more of a passive viewer again because this stuff is just so uninteresting. We'll see.

[erabundus]

anonymous &&. said... Ren believe me when I say that I think you and Heizou would be a cute couple together or you and Xiao. Clearly Kazuha doesn't deserve you because how certain are you that he hasn't cheated on you? He properly has a lover in every region he travels to. I say dumple the maple leaf and open your guys to the guys that are right there.

❝  that's  funny;  i  don't  remember  ASKING  for  your  opinion.  ❞  the  wanderer  crosses  his  arms,  disdain  etched  across  every  inch  of  his  countenance.  kazuha  —  cheating?  the  very  notion  is  so  absurd,  he  isn't  sure  whether  to  laugh  or  feel  incensed  on  his  partner's  behalf.  he  supposes  he'll at least  try  to  be  (  somewhat  )  civil  —  not  because  he  feels  it's  particularly  deserved,  but  rather  because  he  has  a  sneaking  suspicion  the  ronin  wouldn't  be  pleased  to  find  him  picking  fights  on  his  behalf.  a  shame;  he  would  really  like  to.  ❝  you  clearly  don't  know  who  you're  talking  about  if  you  think  he's  the  type.  ❞ his  voice  is  unwavering  as  ever;  each  word  to  leave  him  matter  of  fact  as  they  come.  ren  may  not  need  to  breathe,  but  he  still  deigns  not  to  WASTE  his  breath  explaining  why  he  feels  so  strongly  about  this.  kazuha  would  never  —  because  kazuha  is  his  other  half,  in  a  way  he  doesn't  expect  anyone  who  isn't  them  to  understand.  one  heart,  shared  between  two connected souls.  the  wanderer  knows  it's  absurd,  knows  that  he  would  have  once  been  the  first  to  MOCK  such  a  naïve sentiment. it hardly matters.

❝  i  don't  care  what  your  intentions  are,  ❞  ren  continues  aloud,  ❝  whether  this  is  your  idea  of  expressing  CONCERN  or  stirring the pot ...  i'm  a  little  insulted  you  think  i  would  be  so  easy  to  fool.  ❞   a  lover  in  every  region.  it's  so  cliché,  so  exaggerated  in  all  of  its  provocative  wording  that  he  can't  help  but  think of it like a joke.  one  look  at  how  kazuha  reacts  to  anyone  who  approaches  him  with  lecherous  intent  makes  it  clear  just  how  open  the  ronin  is  to  sharing.  (  ... it's  a  bit  THRILLING,  frankly.  he  likes  to  see  that  side  of  him.  )

his  scowl  deepens  —  the  exaggerated  look  of  disgust  taking  on  an  almost  humorous  tilt.  ❝  and  another  thing.  shikanoin?  seriously?  i'm  not  interested  in  some  stranger  playing  matchmaker,  but  the  least ��you  could  do  is  be  reasonable.  ❞  pick  someone  he  hasn't  thought  about  killing  next  time.  (  although,  that  would  leave  them  awfully  strapped  for  options ...  )   ❝  i'm  not  INTERESTED  in  anyone  else at all.  ❞  he  hasn't  been  in  a very  long  time.  it's  a  bit  strange,  honestly  —  like  a  setting  adjusted  in  his  head.  he  can  still register  when  a  face  appeals  to  him,  but  he  has  absolutely  no  desire  to  act  on  it,  nor  any  real  interest  in  appreciating  it  further  than  a  cursory  acknowledgement.  is  that  normal?  ren  isn't  sure.  he's  never  actually  pursued  a  RELATIONSHIP  before.

❝ ... the conqueror of demons is ENGAGED, by the way.  ❞ so, double no. ❝ legally he gets to be venti's problem.  ❞

[monstersqueen]

ok ok ok some odasaku quotes

1)

“Don’t say any more, Ango,” a voice said nearby. It was my voice. “Just don’t.”

2)

Ango didn’t even flinch. His face was frozen into an ambiguous smirk. He stared at Dazai as if his eyes were locked in place.

“It’s my fault,” Ango said as if he had given up. “I made a mistake. I assumed that this place was the one place we could meet that transcended status or rank. I wouldn’t want to cause any trouble here, so do to me as you will. I won’t resist.”

Ango ought to have known just how horrifying Mafia torture was. There was no hope for him to return to the Special Division for Unusual Powers alive. Even if I took Ango’s side there, nothing would change.

(emphasis mine)

3)

“I get it. You’re absolutely right,” I said, cutting him off. “There’s still not enough information to go by. I’ll look into the gun. Thanks again for coming all the way out here.”

“Odasaku—”

Dazai started to say something, but I cut him off again.

“I really appreciate your help, but I should look into things a bit more. I’ll contact you if I find out anything.”

4)

I left the accounting firm thinking about Ango, the man slowly slipping into evil somewhere in town. Or perhaps we, the Mafia, were the bad guys while Ango and Mimic were on the side of justice trying to bring us down. I started to believe that this hypothesis actually made even more sense than the others. Dazai, the boss, me, everyone in the Mafia—maybe we all deserved to die burdened with sin, solitude, and remorse. For all I knew, that could’ve been proof of the righteousness of this world.

5)

I had reached just one conclusion but hadn’t told a soul. It didn’t feel right. I was sure Dazai had come to the same conclusion himself, but he probably wasn’t telling anyone, either.

6)

“I don’t need forgiveness.” The hit man’s voice was close to a murmur, since his lungs were being crushed. “There is no forgiveness in this world. There is only retaliation—revenge against those who betray you.”

anyway making odasaku's feelings about ango's betrayal about dazai is completely overlooking his own hurt (not that he doesn't notice dazai's pain about it either)

im probably going to yell next time i see a fic telling me odasaku would have forgiven him/would have wanted dazai to forgive him because i am not sure at all

---

odasaku's mental health is not that good for all of dark era. the mafia is not good for him, but he's taking care of himself - refusing to kill, taking care of the children, meeting with ango and dazai. and then ango disappears, and from that point one everything is grim, even if the specific shape of the badness keep changing. anyway during the break up scene he has no idea himself what he's feeling. stopping ango comes as a surprise to himself (1); should dazai decides to capture ango, he doesn't know what he would do. (2)

dazai is the one facing the truth that ango might have betrayed them first; it's not that odasaku doesn't see the signs, it's that given the opportunity he's rather avert his gaze from that truth (3)

(it makes sense for dazai; he sees a lot, he already expects the worst; of course he'd point it out - odasaku interrupting him stop him while he considers if he should share more of his suspicions)

those quotes are there because i'm kinda tired of seeing ango's betrayal only in the light of how it affected dazai and they kinda jumped at me re:odasaku's feelings and reaction while i was reading

the last quote is there because it punched me in the face

(4) is here because it's ! interesting ! it's a good point ! you can't say an organization is evil because it's attacking the mafia that's absurd ! you can't say the mafia are the good guys ! but also it's so obviously odasaku himself kinda sinking down under his own thoughts he might have a point but he's not thinking straight!

unsurprisingly i try to think about odasaku outside the context of dazai and i end up in ango context :[

but honestly there are some incredibly good quotes in untold origins, it's just ! why do i get better perspective from outside pov than from an entire novel from his pov !

(answer : because most of that novel is him in a unfamiliar and unwelcome situation and being in pain.)

[the-cat-chat]

October 14, 2023

Jennifer's Body (2009)

A newly-possessed high-school cheerleader turns into a succubus who specializes in killing her male classmates. Can her best friend put an end to the horror?

JayBell: I saw this movie once a long time ago, so I was really excited to finally rewatch it. And honestly for a semi-teenage drama horror movie, it holds up pretty well. Some of the jokes are kind of outdated, but not so much that it ruins the enjoyment of the movie.

Megan Fox's character says some of the stupidest things in this movie and I love it. And Amanda Seyfried plays the best counterpart to Megan Fox's mean girl type character. I think there is a surprising amount of serious themes and concepts explored in this movie, both on the surface and in subtext. The relationship between the two leads is so much more complicated and interesting compared to how female relationships are usually shown in movies like this.

I do want to say that Amanda Seyfried's character's boyfriend was just blah. Like she calls him crying about this very tragic and traumatic thing she's been through and he's like, "Do you want me to come over?" Like duh??? Ugh I just didn't like looking at his stupid face.

But also Amanda Seyfried's character is not spared my criticism. She seems totally obsessed with her friend and dependent on her. So after Megan Fox's character gets caught in the fire and is acting totally out of it, it is unbelievable that she would just let her get carried away in a van full of adult males without making a huge fuss about it. She surprisingly just lets her go away with them, and I find this too out of character. I know it's necessary for the plot, but at least have her get knocked out or lost in the commotion or something.

P.S. I really like the ending of the movie. Very cathartic in a strange way.

Rating: 7/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: When I was in my emo angst phase and Panic! At The Disco’s “New Perspective” was my entire identity for a whole summer and probably fall? Yes. Did I wait like a rabid animal to get the dvd copy of this from the public library. Yes Again. Should my mother have been more concerned? Definitely, probably, maybe? That being said, I haven’t watched this in a verrrry long time and felt this spooky season was the perfect time to recapture part of my soul with this besties flick.

Is it cringe nearly 15 years later? Yes. But is it iconic? Yes! I loved pretty much all of this movie back in the day and I still do love it, but for different reasons. And I think I can appreciate it more now that I’m older. One glaring new thing is how absurd Needy’s character reacts to everything? And I loved Chip but…woof man. Back then I did notice all the weirdness and just ick of the relationships, but now it’s something entirely different. But that also feels very important to the story? Amanda Seyfried and Megan Fox are just absolutely perfect in their roles and I don’t know if it would have worked with anyone else. I like to how on the surface you can take it as just this fun, ridiculous story that is just insane and bizarre, but actually does touch on the bigger concept of sexuality as women, and how it can be a double-sided coin,(needless to say how treacherously ick that is as a teenager while simultaneously being empowering???) and the dynamics of female friendships. Plus it has some killer lines. I will forever remember lime green jello for all my days.

Alsooo “Through the Trees” is the best friendship breakup song ever. And it can still make me cry and I still feel it in my soul.

L-O-V-E Adam Brody as a kind of knock off/ Satan loving Brandon Flowers. 💕

Rating: darrreee I say 8/10 Demons 👹

[shorkbrian]

I swear I ain’t in it for the money, but I can’t stop thinking about sugar daddy shoto. Maybe he sweeps a cute little college kid or barista of their feet, just something fun and casual. But this man starts falling harder, needing a way to lock them down to him. Money isn’t quite cutting it anymore, so he decides fucking a baby into her would do the trick. Shoto would push her down into the mattress, large frame twisting her into a sweet mating press. This way they could stay together forever and Shoto would have absolutely no problem providing for his sweet family <3

but fr tho I feel like Shouto is NOT the type for kids.

Mans will tolerate them when they babble or wave at him, but he very actively Does Not Want them.

Always uses condoms, and even though he’ll threaten not to, it’s never a legit thought in his mind to cum inside. Shouto doesn’t want to be a dad.

-----

You’ll be sittin on a park bench, fading sunset dark and pretty in front of you yet all you can do is cry. There’s not really any people around so it’s not like you’re bothering anyone - you hadn’t wanted to cry in your shabby apartment (half the cause of your worries) just in case you received a noise complaint.

“Are you alright?”

A somber, smooth voice is heard. You’re swiping at your tears quickly as you look up, trying to laugh off your state of distress. “Oh, haha, yeah I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” It’s hard to smile with your puffy cheeks and red-rimmed eyes.

The man in front of you frowns, hands in his coat pockets, scarf draped around his neck. “You don’t look fine. Mind if I sit?”

He’s already claiming the spot next to you on the bench before you can say a word, turning to you with a passive expression. “Why are you crying?”

And that’s all it takes to have you breaking down all over again, tears streaming down your face. Just one person offering to listen to the heavy burden you have to bear.

‘’M sor-sorry...” You sob, wiping at your eyes with frigid fingers, successful in doing nothing more but smearing tears around your face.

“Here.” The man’s taking off his scarf, gloved hands offering it you.

“I ca-can’t use your sc-scarf sir.” But he’s insistent, pressing it into your hands up by your face.

“I’ll just get another one. Keep it, you’re in need of it more than I am.”

The kindness makes another fresh bout of tears roll down your cheeks, but this time you're able to dab them away with soft fabric as you sniffle.

It takes a moment for you to calm yourself. When you do, you can finally engage in conversation with the man.

You tell him about your job hours getting cut, how you’ve been turned down or ignored by every single place you’ve applied at for a second job. How you’re barely affording to wash your clothes - you have to hang them or drape them across things in your apartment because you don’t have the money to pay for a dryer cycle.

And to top it all off, you’re still short on rent, despite how you scrimped and saved and even forced yourself not to buy groceries this week - you’ve gone hungry for the past three days.

“You haven’t eaten?”

You glance up at the man and his incredulous expression, shaking your head. “I’ve been trying to save money, I thought I could afford my rent if-”

“What kind of food do you like?” The man is pulling out his phone, swiping and tapping immediately. 

“Thank you, but I’m not-” looking for charity is what you want to say. Plus, you shouldn’t accept favors from strange men.

But the handsome man is waving you silent. “I’m cold, plus I’d like to grab a bite to eat before I head home. I don’t like eating alone though, you’d honestly be doing me a favor.”

You take a moment to process. Is he telling the truth? He sounds like an honest guy.

“Seems like the only place open around here is “Joe’s 24 hour Diner”.... You mind burgers?”

So that's how you end up in a booth opposite the man (”Shouto” he had told you as you both headed to the diner), munching away at warm food. It tastes so good, you hardly have time to worry about the man watching you as he eats.

You’d been shocked at his looks the moment you’d seen him in the light of the diner. Pretty two-toned hair, different colored eyes, perfect skin, expensive clothes. Why was he even talking to you? It’s obvious the two of you led very different lives.

“How does everything taste?”

“Delicious.” Is your response, and Shouto seems pleased, nodding before taking another bite of his meal.

Maybe it’s stupid... but you feel weirdly safe with this man. He doesn’t seem to bear any ill-intent towards you, nor has he made any comments about your body or let his hands or eyes stray. He seems like a gentleman.

Conversation flows easily between the two of you, even sharing a few chuckles at times. He’s some fancy rich businessman, you learn, and you share about your own life, laughing at the comparisons. Shouto can’t fathom growing up in a house with less than five bedrooms and a personal servant.

He asks for your number, and you’re hesitant in giving it - he surely can’t be interested in you? But he seems so sincere, it’s hard to say no.

When the two of you part ways, Shouto gives you a wave, “Hope to see you again soon, and under better circumstances.”

“You too! And sorry for being such a mess and stopping your walk-”

Shouto shrugs, cheeks beginning to pink from the cold air as you two stand outside the diner. “You needed help. I like to assist.”

-----

The next morning you wake to find an atrociously large sum deposited in your Venmo account by none other than a Shouto Todoroki.

Immediately, you’re calling him. “It’s too much, we just met. How can you give away that much money to some low-life?”

You hear him sigh on the other end of the phone. “You’re obviously struggling. I was wondering what your hours are this week, perhaps we could talk about this over dinner? Or lunch, if that fits better with your schedule. I’m flexible.”

It’s a few days later, days spent questioning yourself, questioning his intentions, before you see him again, both of you deciding to meet for lunch to further discuss... whatever had just happened.

“Was what I gave you adequate to cover your rent?” Are the first words out of Shouto’s mouth after you greet each other.

“Yeah, more than enough-” You squirm. “But I need to ask.... why?”

“Why?”

“Why me.” 

“Oh.” Shouto’s expression clears. “That’s easy. I told you a few days ago - I like to assist. I’m quite lonely, and it feels nice to use my money on someone other than myself. I think providing for someone brings me... I wouldn’t quite say joy, but... contentment.”

You contemplate his answer for a moment. 

“Well... you saved me with my rent, I don’t really know how to thank you.”

The man leans forward. “Well.... I know it might be a bit sudden, but how would you feel accepting me as a.... benefactor of sorts?”

“You mean like a sugar daddy?” Is your immediate, blurted response. You want to slap yourself for speaking before you have the chance to think about your words, but luckily Shouto just lets out a light laugh.

“If you’d like to call it that. I’m willing to provide financial assistance for you, in exchange for companionship, if you’re willing to give it.”

Your face heats up as you drop your eyes, fidgeting nervously in your seat. “I don’t feel comfortable with a... a sexual relationshi-”

“That’s perfectly acceptable.” Shouto cuts you off before you can continue. “I wasn’t trying to insinuate a contract of that nature. I’m thinking more along the lines of accompanying me at meals, sharing experiences with me, providing company and friendship to a lonely man. If it seems that we’d like to progress further than that after we get to know each other, well, that will be addressed then. For now-” Shouto meets your eye, dipping his head a smidgeon so he can look at you directly. “All I ask for is a simple, non-intimate bond between two people.”

This is crazy.

And yet you accept.

The situation may be wild, and completely absurd, but you’d be a fool not to say yes.

Shouto is charming and handsome, respectful, courteous - you could go on and on about his positive qualities. He just seems like a sad, lonesome man swallowed by work and responsibilities, too stressed and busy to put the effort into making friends the conventional way. 

-----

Months pass by.

You’re eating at every meal, sated and never going hungry. You’re able to move into a new place, one that doesn’t smell like cigarettes and sits right next to a railroad.

Clothes aren’t a worry anymore, you have your own washer and dryer in your new apartment (Shouto offered to buy you a house, or a penthouse at the least, but you couldn’t justify it to yourself). You’re able to afford new things, and pretty dresses, shoes that are comfortable and fashionable and that fit.

You no longer have to wear clothes down until they have holes in them. You’re able to go to the doctor’s when you feel sick, able to pay for health insurance.

Life is good.

Shouto is a personable man, serious, but he can be rather funny and even crude at times.

The doubt and thoughts of “Why is he doing this for me?” and “I’m not good enough for this.” plague you, but Shouto always seems to catch on, reassuring you that you’re exactly what he needs - a friend.

And you’re more than happy to be that.

You think sometimes, that even if he wasn’t paying you, you’d still like to be friends with Shouto Todoroki.

Until he starts acting weird.

“You should just stay at my place. I have more than enough room,, it’d be easier for both our schedules. We’d get to see each other more often.”

“Uhm...” You don’t really know what to say. You like your freedom, and having your own place where you can walk around in your (expensive) underwear without being bothered.

“I think it’d be nice, don’t you? We could have breakfast every morning, you wouldn’t have to worry about traveling to and fro, we could spend more time together. We don’t see each other nearly enough.”

He’s pushing, insistent. How are you supposed to tell him no? He’s paying for your entire life. Plus, it wouldn’t be that bad to actually live with him. Shouto’s an amicable man.

So you move in.

“I bought you a few things, they’re on your bed.” 

Shouto’s striding into the kitchen where you’re making coffee, buttoning up his shirt as he comes closer. You’ve found that the man likes to sleep in nothing but boxers, shrieking and flushing an embarrassing shade the first time he’d come to wake you up with a sweet “welcome” breakfast in bed.

It’s taken a while to adjust, but you finally feel that you’re fully settled in.

“Oh, you really don’t ha-”

“I wanted to. I went through your closet - your clothes are nice, but your underwear seemed to be lacking.” He’s so matter-of-fact.

All you can do is stare at the back of his head.

“Could you pass me a spoon please?”

-----

Shouto had splurged on expensive, fancy lingerie. 

At least eight different sets were laid out on your bed. It was overwhelming. It also felt.... a bit intrusive? They were all in your size, in a complementary color for your skin tone. 

Weird.

Not as weird as the onset of Shouto’s casual touches.

You’d be reading, or drinking tea and watching cars race by on the street so far below, and Shouto would come up behind you, caress your sides before intertwining his fingers with yours on one hand. He did it as if it was a normal thing, but it felt anything but normal.

Or you’d be on the couch together, and Shouto would shuffle closer until his large body was pressed to yours, almost curled around you. The faux-cuddling was a bit more off putting. How do you tell him no?

The touches became more and more intimate, Shouto’s gifts more and more frequent until you weren’t even spending a penny, the man taking care of everything.

The arrangement was beginning to make you uncomfortable.

Shouto’s bi-colored eyes seemed to always be on you, tracing the shape of your body, watching you move, or breath, or sit. It was distracting, and you felt bad for feeling this way towards the man who’d pulled you out of poverty, but it was so unnerving.

He seemed to notice.

“You’ve been so stressed these past few days. Is something wrong?” Shouto’s rubbing a hand into your shoulder, hovering over you at the dinner table.

“No?” Is all you can manage, wiping your hands on your napkin as you finish your food.

Shouto frowns. With a sigh, his hand drops from your shoulder and the man leaves your side, heads toward the kitchen.

You clear your plate from the table, following after him so you can wash it and put it in the dishwasher before you head off to get ready for bed. 

But Shouto is rummaging in a cupboard, pulling down two wine glasses to accompany the bottle of wine that’s standing proud on the island.  It’s your favorite, a sweet wine that Shouto knows you like, always brings it out when he decides to drink whisky or bourbon after dinner.

He pops the cork and pours you a glass while you finish with your dishes, handing you the glass when you turn away from the sink, pressing it into your hands. “Let’s relax a little bit, it’ll be good for both of us.”

You’re fine with that, knowing that a little wine won’t hurt you, especially when it’s of such fine quality. You’d never dreamed that you’d be able to taste such richness in your lifetime, spend frivolous amounts of money on wine and fine eateries. Yet here you are.

Shouto pours himself a glass, barely a sip filling the bottom. The man raises it to his lips and takes a swig, grimacing a bit in his flat, unexpressive way. You giggle a little.

“Too sweet?’

The man nods, setting the glass back down. “I’m not entirely sure how you can stand to stomach it. But if it makes you happy-” He shrugs, before pulling on of the bar-stools out from under the island so he can sit facing you, long legs stretching out before him.

You look at him, and he looks at you, and then you take another sip of wine to avoid the awkwardness.

“You’re distancing yourself from me.”

The accusation is quiet, Shouto’s eyes focused on your fingers wrapped around the stem of the glass.

He’s always been straightforward with his words. “Is there a reason you keep drawing away?”

The wine disappears from your glass, sliding down your throat and settling in your stomach. You fill your glass again before speaking, struggling to find the right words without upsetting your... benefactor.

“Well, Shouto... I don’t really know how to...” You trail off, hoping Shouto will say something, change the subject, say it’s alright and move on to something else.

But the man stays silent, eyes appraising you.

Taking a deep breath, and another gulp of sweetness, you try again.

“Sometimes the closeness... like, physical closeness? Makes me, well, uncomfortable.”

Hopefully, that would satisfy his curiosity for now. That wasn’t the only reason you’d been avoiding Shouto seeming distant, but you didn’t think sharing the others would result in anything good.

Said man accepted your response, dropping his eyes to his lap as he mulled it over. More wine was consumed, glass re-filled. You felt nervous.

“You’re saying that my touch isn’t something you’d prefer.”

Biting your lip, you soften at his confused expression, at the hint of sadness swimming behind his eyes. “Kind of. I don’t mind you Shouto, you’re really kind, and you’re good company, and a wonderful friend. I just don’t think the.... the intimacy is for me.”

Shouto raises his head, stares at you with those pretty eyes, lips parted as he comes to terms with your words. 

“It sounds like you don’t trust me. I would never hurt you, you know this.”

You scramble to assure him. “I do! I do trust you, and I know you wouldn’t.” (at least you hoped) “But I guess I just... Coming into this agreement I wasn’t ready for that type of... thing. I don’t know if I ever will be.”

The man rises, shakes his head as he steps closer to you. “Don’t worry, I remember our first conversation about that aspect. I see that for you, that type of relationship would only begin after you really cared for the other person, trusted and wanted to see them happy, am I correct?”

“Oh, Shouto-” You rush. “No, I care for you, and I trust you, and of course I want to see you happy. I think it’s just, y’know, my last relationship like that went really bad, and it sucked. I don’t want to go through that again.”

Shouto nods, understanding. “I see. You don’t have to worry about any of that with me then.”

A smile crosses your face, and you feel relived that he accepted your rejection with grace and understanding instead of violence or anger. “Thank you, it means a lot to me.”

The mood of the room shifted, from tense and uncomfortable, to easy and light, and you poured another glass of wine, laughing a little at how worried you were about the conversation with Shouto, only for it all to turn out fine.

“I’m going to go drink some of the liquor that’s kept in my room. I could mix a few drinks for you to try, you might like how sweet they are. I know hard alcohol isn’t quite your thing.”

You beam a smile, nodding your head eagerly. Before, you’d feel apprehensive about going into his room with him to drink alcohol. But with the conversation the two of you just had, you knew - things would be fine.

-----

The room was spinning and you felt giddy and light. You were definitely tipsy.

“You can lay down on my bed, you’re getting wobbly on your feet.” Shouto had offered, and you’d gladly accepted, flopping down onto his comfy bedspread with a laugh at how the motion made butterflies rise in your tummy.

Shouto leaned against his dresser, swirling whiskey in his glass as he watched you, a half-smile across his face. You smiled back, before closing your eyes, a little bit tired as you realized that you might be a bit more than just tipsy.

Shouto had mixed quite a few drinks for you, and you’d drank each one eagerly, impressed with how little alcohol you could taste in each one. You don’t remember how many you had, but it didn’t really matter.

The next thing you know, hands are on your waist, scooting you further up the bed so your legs no longer hang off the edge. Cracking open an eye, you’re met with the visage of red-and-white, eyes soft and warm as they regard you, Shouto’s face tinged a bit pink from the few drinks he had consumed. The man had never been too good at holding his alcohol.

When those hands started to slip beneath your shirt, you wiggled like a little worm, not really comprehending the situation. Maybe it was a dream.

Your shirt was discarded, then your pants. It felt much more comfortable now, and you mumbled a “thanks” to the man helping you settle for bed. He was so nice, Shouto took such good care of you. You still kind of couldn’t believe the turn your life had taken with him, the good luck pushed into your path.

Someone was kissing you.

With a grunt of surprise, you kissed them back, meeting their feverish pace and trying to keep up, soft lips puckering and pushing against your own with intent. Kissing felt good. You liked kissing.

Then a hand was cupping your face, stroking tenderly over your cheek before it began sliding down, down your neck, into the valley between your breasts, trailing over your bra. It felt funny.

Pushing back for air, you gasped when the hand on your chest started squeezing at you, eyes flying open with the startling, sudden sensation.

Shouto was hovering over you, lips puffy, panting as he stared at you with lusty eyes, an uncharacteristic look on his face. This... this wasn’t supposed to be like this. You knew. Hadn’t the two of you just talked about something... important? Was it important?

You didn’t feel panic until a hand cupped your sex, feeling your skin through your panties.

This wasn’t right.

Alarm bells were ringing, dull and far away, but you didn’t think that Shouto should be touching you in such a way. you should be going to bed.

“Mm, Sho, can you stop?” But your words felt funny on your tongue, and Shouto didn’t stop. Maybe he didn’t hear you.

His hair tickled your chin as the man bent to mouth at your tits, pulling the cups of your bra underneath them so he could feel your hot skin, let his saliva drag slick and wet against your chest. 

Your hands instinctively rooted themselves in his hair as you gasped again, not expecting such a move, tugging lightly at his head to pull him up. Shouto just groaned, teething gently at your breasts and not moving an inch. His hips were grinding against the bed though, as he stood between your spread legs.

Before you knew it, your panties were gone, bra clumsily unclasped and discarded, and you were completely bare. Shouto was undressing before you, struggling with the buttons on his shirt before giving up, easily ripping the fabric of his body with one tug, grumbling.

You didn’t feel so tipsy anymore.

“Shouto, what’re we doing? We shouldn’t be doing this, we need to stop-”

“Stay down.” Was his firm command, a hand splayed across your naked chest and pushing you back into the mattress as you tried to sit up. It made you breathless, the growl in his voice, the dominance emanating from the man. You stayed still.

“This’s gonna make us a stronger couple.” The man slurred, eyes dark and hands wandering, effortlessly keeping you pinned against the bed as he ground his hips forward against the edge. You were getting scared.

“Wait-”

You fell silent as one hand pushed down his pants, his underwear going with them, pink cock bobbing free. He was so pretty down there, and it made sense, all of him was pretty, but you suddenly realized the weight of the situation, what was happening.

“Shouto, no, oh my god. We gotta stop right now, we’re drunk, we’re-we’re-”

“Don’t care. Not gonna let you hide away from me this time.” Shouto shook his head, taking his cock in one hand and giving it a long, slow pump, flushed tip weeping precum and wetting his hand.

“No, no, this is wrong. I don’t want this, I could get pregnant!” You cried, beginning to panic for real, pushing against the one strong hand anchoring you to the bed.

Shouto just chuckled, letting go of his cock to crowd against you, getting up in your face to press a wet finger to your lips, the salty taste of his precum threatening to slip into your mouth unless you kept it shut. “Shhh, shh. If you stay nice and still, if you do what I say, I’ll use a condom.”

You couldn’t believe your ears.

“You’re gonna listen to me, you always do.” The man nodded to himself, once again dragging his cock against the bed between your legs, as if he couldn’t stop himself. “Or else I’ll fuck you raw.” The finger was pulled from your lips, only to be wagged teasingly in your face. 

You couldn’t believe how he was acting.

“Be nice.”

Shouto tapped your nose with a neatly manicured finger, before groaning as he heaved himself upright, red cock bobbing against his stomach, desperate for attention. The man gave you a look, as if to say “don’t move” before he took his hands off you, heading for his dresser.

Once you saw him pulling out a strip of condoms, you were on your feet, stumbling toward the door.

Although panic had sobered you somewhat, you were still struggling with the effects of the alcohol, so your reaction time was maddeningly slow. Slow enough that you weren’t able to truly fight against Shouto when he grabbed you from behind toned arms wrapping around your middle and heaving you into the air, only to throw you back on his bed.

You were almost sick on the bedspread, world spinning and stomach protesting, but you were able to calm yourself.

But then Shouto was on you, flipping you onto your back, a soft hand pressing against your throat threateningly. 

“You want to have a baby? Want me to cum in you so you’ll get all fat with kids? Hm?” He was so intense, almost choking you, straddling your waist and keeping you pinned. It was too much

You were able to manage a tearful, desperate “No!” despite the hand around your throat, and Shouto backed off, releasing the pressure to instead stroke his hand against the sides of your neck.

“Stop acting like this, it’s the next logical step for us. You said you cared for me, wanna make me happy. This’ll make me happy. I won’t be like the last guy.”

His cock was pressed against your stomach, and you could feel it twitching. Shouto clambered off of you, letting go of your neck so he could grab the condoms he’d tossed on the bed before snatching you up.

“Do what I say and I use these.” He waved them in your face before tearing one off, beginning to open it. 

You stayed still, gazing at him blearily, limbs feeling fuzzy, mind feeling the same.

The condom was rolled onto Shouto’s cock, the man spitting into his palm and giving the latex a few rubs to make it slick before reaching for you.

He dragged you to the edge of the bed - the perfect height for him to fuck you - and you didn’t fight, terrified of his threat. You couldn’t stand the thought of a baby.

(You didn’t know, but neither could he)

“Wanted to do this since I met you.” Shouto mumbled, pushing your panties to the side with a few fingers so he could guide his tip to your hole. “Want you so bad.”

You didn’t know what to think of this side of Shouto. This unreserved, uncareful, slurring mess of a man that loomed before you, gaze dark and wild, limbs everywhere as he groped and squeezed and appreciate the shape of your body.

But he must’ve gotten impatient, because then he was pushing inside.

It hurt, stinging pain rippling up your back and you keened, causing Shouto to pause. One of his hands darted down to wrap around your calf, hauling it up on the bed so he could lean forward and press it to you chest, sinking his cock a few inches deeper.

“You’re gonna take it.” He hissed before messily kissing you, pressed so close together that it was hard to breathe. “I’ll make it feel good after you do.”

[libraryofloveletters]

Love Delivered To Your Doorstep

Evan Buckley x Reader

Warnings: fem!reader, mentions of cheating, break ups and killing/serial killers. (<in a joking context) 

Category: fluff for the most part. 

Word Count: 3.9k

Author’s Note: Doesn’t follow canon, it has a little of buck begins in there but it doesn't follow a strict timeline. It also is written like Buck moves to LA and has his apartment from the moment he moves there while trying to figure out what he wants to do. 

-----

Texting and calling was never your choice method of communication. 

Letters had always been more of your thing. 

Truthfully, they hadn't been your thing until your boyfriend moved halfway across the country for university. The two of you met in high school, freshman year and became inseparable since. Growing together and promising to always love each other no matter what -you always knew that couldn't be true but it never stopped you from telling him. 

When he told you that he was going to be applying to UCLA during your senior year of high school, it came as a bit of a shock to you. The plan was always going to college together, get engaged when you were done school and then married with a house by 30. 

You held out the hope of that being possible until the day he showed you his acceptance letter. 

You were incredibly proud of him but it was real now, he was leaving. 

You watched him pack up his entire life and uproot himself from New York and moved across the country. You sent the first letter to him at what was supposed to be his apartment. 

September 30th.

‘Hi baby! 

Just writing to see how you're settling in. How’s UCLA ? Have you gotten a chance to go around and get to see the place ? I know you’re there for school but you've got to live a little too. Hope your neighbours are sweet, your mom told me it’s a pretty nice place and it’s got a good view, sounds like your type of place. Hopefully I can come visit you soon. 

I started my classes last week. My chem professor is a pain in my ass already, he expects us to read an entire textbook in a week - well not exactly an entire textbook but you get the point. My biology professor is a sweetheart, she showed us pictures of her kids and talked about them for an hour, I didn't realize being a mother was so interesting but she was cool. Also showed us a video of an appendectomy that one of her colleagues performed last week. How are your classes and professors ? 

Did I mention I bumped into Sam at the grocery store ? Yeah, he’s back and he’s not fine to tell you the truth. He seemed like he was ready to snap but that might just be my judgment. He said to tell you hello if I spoke to you so- hello :) 

I’m going to sign off here, I know this one is short but I don’t have much to update you on. Life’s been pretty dull without you. Hope you’re having fun out there, soaking up the sun for me.

Write me back soon, I love you. 

Yours always, y/n’

You mailed the letter the next day, a few weeks had passed before you received a letter back. Except this letter had a different sender name but the same address.

October 22nd. 

‘Hi y/n,

This isn't your boyfriend. (I'm assuming that’s who you're writing too based on the context of the letter) I’m Evan, I live in the apartment you thought belonged to your boyfriend or maybe you got the address wrong, I’m not sure.  I know you were waiting for an update on all these exciting things that are happening at UCLA. I do not go to UCLA nor can I update you in anything exciting that’s happening there, sorry.

Anyways, the reason I'm writing you back is because I figured you’d want to know that this isn't the correct address and the person you were looking for isn't here before you send another letter and get no response. I was debating if I should have even written you back, but here I am, writing you back. 

Your professor for chem seems like an ass to be honest (hope that’s not rude) and your biology professor sounds great, is she hot by the way ? because bonus points for that. Anyways, are you studying medicine ? I'm guessing yes because of the classes you're taking. I'm thinking of signing up to become a first responder but I haven’t decided yet on what yet or if I'm actually going to do it. Anyways, good luck on your classes and the shitty chem professor. 

Hope you find your boyfriend (again, assuming) 

Peace out, 

Evan.’

To say you were shocked would be an understatement. How could the letter you sent to your boyfriend’s apartment belong to someone else ? Why was there someone else living in his apartment ? You dug through your apartment, searching for the paper he left you with the address, you finally found it buried in a drawer.

The address on the paper was identical to the one that Evan sent to you and to the one you sent prior to that. Either your boyfriend was lying or you were losing your mind. 

November 4th. 

‘Dear Evan, 

I'm sorry that I sent the first letter to you and as you guessed, I was looking for my boyfriend who seems to be a bit MIA right now. His mother says that’s the right address and the place that she helped him move into. So I'm not really sure what’s happening there. Anyways, sorry for unloading all of that on you. 

To answer your question, yes, I am studying medicine and no, she isn't hot. My bio professor is a 65 year old woman who loves her college aged kids very much. If that’s your definition of hot, then yes - she's got milf status

Have you decided yet if you’re going to sign up to be a first responder ? That’d be pretty cool. Imagine all the girls swoon over you and how many girls you’d pick up just for being a paramedic or a firefighter. 

Wait, are you into girls ? Or guys ? You know, whoever you're into, just imagine how many of them you’d pick up. 

Also, you’re not a murderer or anything right ? because I rather not answer questions when the police come asking about why I've been sending letters to a serial killer. 

Anyways, signing off for now. 

Yours always, y/n. 

ps. if you do end up bumping into or meeting a guy that looks like my boyfriend, (tall, brown hair, brown eyes. he’s got a pierced ear and a little butterfly tattoo by his collarbone- though not sure why or how you'd see his collarbone) let me know or tell him that his girlfriend is looking for him.

Double ps, what size shirt do you wear ?’

Buck laughed at your absurd question. A person he didn’t even know was asking what size shirt he wore. The letter was set on the coffee table with the rest of the mail, getting buried under all of the stuff he had on there. It was almost the end of December when he realized that he hadn't written you back yet. 

December 21st. 

‘Hey y/n, 

Sorry I've taken so long to get back to you. Things have been hectic over here. I’ve been doing some ‘soul-searching’ - I guess you could call it that and honestly, I don’t think if this whole first responders thing is for me. 

I tried out bartending or well, the technical term is mixologist and I’m liking it so far, I think i’m going to stick with it for now. 

How have you been ? How’s school ? Surely, you’re on break for the holidays right about now or at least when you get this letter. I hope that you're spending the break doing something fun. 

I’m not going to make this very long, I’m sure you’ve been busy with whatever you’re doing right now. 

Also, I’ve been meaning to ask. Have you located the mysteriously disappearing boyfriend yet ? I haven't seen anyone that fit your description. 

well, that’s not true- I did and just to be sure I asked to see his collarbone, he looked at me like I was a mad man so I guess it wasn't him ? 

Anyways, I hope you have a good holiday and you're probably gonna get this sometime between holidays, so merry belated (?) Christmas and happy New Years y/n. 

Peace out, 

Evan. 

ps. medium or large, depending on what it is. Hopefully that answers your question weirdo.’

January 13th. 

The morning of the 13th, he went down to check his mail. A box was there with his name on it, the return address was one he had only seen on an envelope. The box returned upstairs with him, setting it on the counter before opening it. 

Upon opening it, there was a letter and some colourful tissue paper with what seemed like a sweater under it. He opened the letter first.

‘Dear Evan, 

Happy New Years! How was your holiday going ? Did you do anything fun ? 

I’ve been good and school is good too, I'm almost done my first year, isn't that crazy ? Just a few more months to go. 

How’s your job as mr. mixologist going ? I'm sure you’ve met some wild people and heard some interesting stories. 

As for the boyfriend situation, that's over. I’m not surprised to tell you the truth but it still kinda sucks. Anyways, so what happened was that his older brother had come home from college last year and brought a friend with him. She went to the same school as his brother but transferred to UCLA- anyways long story short, they hooked up while he and I were still together and he moved in with her after his mom helped him move into the apartment I thought he had. 

But! I’m single and chilling now so it’s all good. (bonus, she cheated on him and left him so yeah) 

I got you a little something for Christmas and as a “sorry for unloading all my boyfriend drama on you” present. I was in the gift shop and it made me think of you. Do you celebrate Christmas? I forgot to check oops. If you don't, count it as a just a “sorry for unloading all my boyfriend drama on you” present? 

I got a large because I wasn't sure if it would fit. I hope you like it. That’s all for now.

Yours always, y/n.’

He unwrapped the tissue paper to see a blue sweater with the letters NYU on it. He smiled, he assumed that’s where you went. It was sweet that you took the time to get him something, even if it was a by the way thing. Not a lot of people would send something to a person they had been talking to via letters and halfway across the country. 

February 12th. 

2 days before Valentine's Day, your least favourite holiday of the year. You weren't looking forward to watching all your friends going on with their boyfriends and girlfriends. The mail had arrived while you were out, you picked it up and headed in. There were two envelopes with your name on it,  a plain white one and a red one. The red envelope was more squared than rectangular, you assumed it was a card- both had the same sender name. 

‘Hey y/n!

Thank you for the sweater, it was nice of you to think of me and get me something. I didn’t know we were doing gifts or I would have sent you something as well and yes, I do celebrate Christmas. 

My job as ‘mr. mixologist’ was going well until I quit. It just didn’t feel like the right fit for me you know ? I'm going to see what else is out there for me. 

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend, he seems like a douche. Who would cheat on you ? You seem great I mean at least you are on paper (did you get my joke, it’s hard to tell) 

Also, remember how I was thinking I might actually give that first responder thing a try? Imagine me as a firefighter, that’s pretty cool right ? 

So I kinda did a thing and signed up and then I got in. I started two weeks ago and it was kicking my ass at first but I've gotten a hang of it and things are going pretty well. There's three other Evans in my class so everyone calls me Buck-I kind of like it. 

The other envelope, hopefully you opened this one first, is a little something for you for valentines. Hope you like it. 

Peace out, 

Buck’ 

The red envelope was on your lap, you pulled the edges carefully not wanting to rip it. Inside was a plain white card with bright red letters that made you laugh. The cover read ‘I’m not sick of you yet!” Opening the card, a $20 fell onto your lap. There was a little message inside that went along with the cash. 

‘Since we aren't together and can’t spend valentines together, there’s some cash to get yourself a box of chocolates and a teddy bear. Happy Valentines Day y/n

Love, Buck.’ 

You smile, this was the first time that Buck had signed with ‘love, buck’ it had always been ‘peace out, buck.’ You tucked the card into the drawer, one you didn’t use very often so you knew it’d be safe there. 

*4 years later*

A few weeks had passed since Buck had last heard from y/n. His last letter to her was at the end of June, telling her all about the day he had spent at Hen and Karen’s. He always described every little detail so vividly that it made her feel like she was there with him- but it was now July, end of actually and moving into August. 

4 years had blown like nothing.

It felt like just yesterday he got the first letter in the mail. 4 years and they still had no idea what each other looked like but they knew every intricate and intimate detail about each other, their lives and the people in it. 

Y/n and Buck had grown rather close over the last few months- more than they already were. Y/n just went through a pretty shitty break up and Buck wasn't exactly big on relationships as of right now. 

He had just gotten home from work, his keys set on the counter when he realized that he forgot to check his mail. Stepping back out, there was a woman in the hallway and boxes scattered across her, leading into the apartment down the hall. 

She must be his new neighbour.

He wanted to go over and introduce himself but she was busy telling the movers where to set her couch so he decided that he would check the mail and then introduce himself when he returned so he did just that. 

Except, she was still busy. 

She leaned against the wall, watching the movers move what looked like a coffee table. She glanced up to see Buck walking by, she smiled and he returned the smile. 

Buck reaches his apartment, the mail in hand and steps in. He sorts through the pile, bills, ads, coupons and no letter from y/n. 

---

Your new apartment was a mess. You decided it was time for a change. You applied to a few hospitals after your break up and the one in LA hired you. So you dropped everything and moved- no family, no ties. 

A fresh start. 

It was a nice neighbourhood and the building was quiet. The neighbours you met were pleasant and welcoming. When you were having the furniture moved in, there was a blonde man who smiled at you and you assumed he lived in the unit down the hall because that’s where he stepped into. 

It was almost 11pm when you finally sat down. You had been on your feet all day and just wanted to eat something. The box with the dishes was beside the couch, you pulled the tape off and opened it. There was an envelope sitting on top of the stack of plates. 

Buck’s last letter to you. 

You must have tossed it into the boxes while packing and you forgot to write him back. Tumbling through the boxes, you find a sheet of paper and a pen from your bag. Sitting on the floor, the paper resting on an unopened box, you begin writing. 

‘Dear Buck, 

I’m sorry I've taken so long to get back to you. I quit my job, and uprooted my entire life. The break up sucked major ass as you know, so I decided it was time for a change. 

Guess where I decided to go ? 

Did you guess yet? 

No, not Canada, why would you guess Canada ? 

LA! 

Yeah, isn't that crazy that I ended up here of all places? Maybe we could get together one day (if you haven’t turned into a crazy serial killer that is.) 

Anyways, that’s why I've taken so long to write. I was packing when I got your letter and I tossed it in a box and just found it again. Anyways, I hope you’ve been good, how have things been at the station ? 

I promise I'll write again with more details soon, I just have to get settled in first. 

Yours always, y/n.’ 

Folding the paper, you slipped into an envelope. The address being scribbled into the back of the envelope. You were about to seal it when the building number caught your eye. 

It was the same number as the place you moved into. The same address, the building number, the same floor. 

The unit number was the only difference. 

There was no way you moved into the building that Buck lived in. 

You knew the address felt familiar when you saw the listing but you didn’t think anything of it nor did it occur to you that you knew the address. 

Stepping out of your apartment, looking at the number on the room and back down at the envelope in your hand. Buck’s apartment was down the hall. 

Part of you just wanted to mail it and keep things as it was but another part of you wanted to meet him, to see what he was really like in person. So there you were walking down the hallway at a quarter past 11 in the dead of the night to meet a man you had been sending letters to for the last 4 years. 

The end of the hallway, you stared at the black wooden door in front of you. Your brain weighing the options right now: he’s a sweetheart and welcoming and makes you feel comfortable or he’s a weird guy who’s been lying to you this whole time and you told him everything about you and now he’s going to kill you. 

Before you could register what you were doing, you knocked on the door. 

Glancing down at yourself, you were wearing a pair of old shorts and a t-shirt from high school that you found in a drawer while packing. Not an ideal outfit, maybe he’s sleeping and you can go home and change- the door opened, a man wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt stood there. He looked like he had just woken up. 

“Sorry, did I wake you?” 

“It's alright,” he yawned, his hand covering his mouth as he blinked away a few tears. “What can I do for you ?” he leaned against the door. 

“Um, this is an odd question-” you shifted, glancing down at the envelope in your hand. “Are you Buck ?” 

“I am, who are you ?” 

“Y/n.” 

You had never seen a man wake up that fast, he seemed surprised, confused and concerned all in one. “How- uh, are you- What ?” he mumbled. 

“I found your letter in the box after I moved, I moved into the apartment down the hall” you point to your left, Buck sticks his head out of the doorway and looks at the door you were pointing to. You were the woman in the hallway that he saw earlier, he knew you looked familiar. 

“I just wrote your letter and I noticed that the addresses were the same, just a different unit number so I decided to come check. Sorry if I bothered you, we can talk another day- it’s late and you probably have work” “Would you like to come in?” he opens the door a bit more, looking to you for an answer. 

“Um, okay sure.” stepping in, you can’t help but glance around. The apartment was similar to yours, the layout was a bit different though. “Can I get you something to drink ? Coffee, water ? A beer ?” he rounded the kitchen counter, you took a seat on one of the chairs by the counter. 

“Water’s fine, thanks” 

He reached for a bottle from the fridge, sliding it over to you. You gave him a smile, he leaned against the counter and was now looking- studying you. 

“I know we’ve talked to each other for 4 years but this is kinda strange” you chuckled awkwardly, Buck can't help but smile. 

“Yeah, it is, isn't it? but can I ask why you moved to LA?” 

“Well all of that was in the letter” you slide the envelope across the counter and he picks it up, opening it. Giving him a few moments to read, you watch his expression like you were hoping for some insight as to how he was feeling or what he was thinking. He let out a laugh, “how’d you know I'd guess Canada ?” you smiled at him, a small wave of relief washing over you for some reason. “Lucky guess I suppose” 

“Do you-” “What are-” the sentences cutting each other off, the two of you awkwardly smiling at each other. “You first” looking at him, he hums. 

“Do you have work tomorrow or are you busy ?” His eyes meet yours, you found yourself leaning forwards towards the counter- towards him. He made you feel comfortable, you’d go as far as to say safe, in a way you’ve never felt before. 

“No, I don't start until the 21st. Why ?” 

“I was thinking - if you're not busy and if you want to, of course. Maybe I could take you out for breakfast and I could show you around ? Or lunch or dinner ? Whatever works for you actually” he rambles, fiddling with his fingers to avoid eye contact. 

A small laugh slips past your lips causing him to look up, his brows furrowed as he studies your face, looking for an answer. 

“Breakfast sounds good, what time should I be ready for ?” 

“Uh, is 10 okay ?” he asks, you nod. “I’ll be ready for 10 then.” 

“Okay, I'll pick you up” he smiles. 

“Buck, we live in the same building.” 

“Oh right,” he chuckles, “well I'll be by yours at 10 then” the two of you smiling at each other. 

“Okay.” 

----

taglist: @advicefromnixxxx @dralexreid @keenmarvellover @beth-winchester21 @fernandaweasley2 @yikesyikesyikes95 @hotchsdarling @duhbar1975 @hailsstormthings @averyhotchner  @captainxholmes @venusrosepetal @luke-alvez​ @looney-literature @caitsymichelle13​ @artemishunter18​ @anxiousblanketqueen​