#honestly whether or not I do doesn’t change anything anyways so like at least this time I’m reminding myself that it’s useless and that no

[deityofhearts]

I will not give into my dumb bitch urges

[hotteoki]

until i found you (l.y.b.)

pairing: lee yongbok/felix x fem!reader

wc: 2.7k

warnings: /

notes: let’s pretend for the sake of this fic that gold watch felix doesn’t exist… 😃

💋

©️ hotteoki | do not repost

felix was your first love, your only love. when you first started dating, you both knew already that eventually, it was inevitable that you would break up. it was impossible for first relationships to ever last forever. despite that, you continued on the relationship, only praying that maybe, just maybe, there's a chance of it being permanent.

the relationship shockingly went on longer than all your classmates and parents predicted, 3 years of being with your soulmate, or so you were convinced. needless to say, you experienced your first ever heartbreak when felix broke the news to you about moving back to korea to jumpstart his idol life.

you were grateful that he, at least, was clearly upset about leaving you. that way you could remember your first relationship as mutually loving, that it wasn't one-sided.

you remembered sending him off at the airport, holding back tears, and keeping up your composure. seeing his shimmering eyes welling up had made you want to cry as well, but you had forced yourself to swallow the growing lump in your throat. that day had been well over 5 years ago, yet you still remembered it like it was yesterday.

of course, you had attempted long-distance with him, but school for you and training for him was too overwhelming, and eventually you lost contact, wondering whether pressing that call button of the other's number would change anything.

it hurt even more to see him all over the internet now. you were beyond proud of him, of course, he had always dreamt of being a singer, but it hurt knowing that felix had probably forgotten all about you. surely, by now, he would have gotten into tons more relationships, right? far more than you, anyway. it's not like you haven't gone on dates, it was just that none of them could ever compare the true love you felt for felix.

so when you travelled to korea during the winter holidays with your friends, you secretly prayed to somehow, if the stars had finally managed to align, you would cross paths with felix again. "maybe you'll bump into him on the street or something!" it was meant to be a joke, but deep down, you honestly did want that to happen.

after spending the entire day walking around the busy streets of seoul, you were exhausted. laying on one of the grand beds and waiting for the bathroom to be free, you noticed you were still feeling a bit hungry. jumping up and to the door, you announced to your friends of your leaving the hotel. yuna, the only one who wasn’t currently in the toilet doing her nightly routine, had offered to tag along, worried for your safety. "it's fine, it's right next to the hotel, they'll be hotel security watching."

she was unconvinced, but you had already ran off. (do not ever let your friends go out the dark alone, this is purely for the plot of the fic, i promise you will not meet a handsome korean man in the middle of the night. stay safe ladies <3) truthfully? you hoped you could somehow catch felix in the convenience store. you knew the chances were impossibly low, but you weren't going to leave korea with your head filled with 'what ifs?'

rummaging through the shelves, you weren't even sure what you wanted to buy. you had collected a few snacks for your friends, but you had cravings for almost everything in the cursed store, and you didn't have enough money to pay, even if you had ditched the others' food.

after putting down the cup noodles for the fifth time, you sighed deeply, knowing picking it up and down wouldn't make money magically appear in your pocket. just as you were about to walk away, a taller figure leaned over you, taking the exact cup noodle package you had been fiddling with for the past few minutes.

your first instinct was to push the person away. looking up to meet the stranger's eyes, still slightly stunned from the sudden intruding, your fear was quickly replaced with genuine surprise. “felix,” you winced at the harshness of your tone; you meant it as more of a greeting. “hey again.” you were convinced his voice was hand crafted by angels themselves.

without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around you, engulfing you in a warm hug. you hadn’t even realised you had returned it instinctively until he pulled away, causing your arms to fall to your side. “what are you doing here in korea? i thought you’d be back home?” home. you couldn’t resist the widening smile on your face. felix still considered australia his home.

“i came here as a getaway with my friends. work has been crazy overwhelming,” you rubbed your neck, fidgeting under his gaze. you couldn’t bear to meet his eyes; there was no way he still had feelings for you, you probably mistook the kindness in his eyes as adoration. or even love.

felix sighed, taking your items from your hold and placing them in his basket, beginning to walk down the aisle, “tell me about it. we’ve been preparing for our new song and i think the stress is getting to all of us. it’s actually why i came down here, to get away from the pressure, you know?” you trailed beside him, playing with your fingers subconsciously. not once did you consider how stressful an idol’s job could be, you had kind of expected it to be more carefree than a regular job, considering they didn’t exactly have a 9-5 schedule.

“how’s the idol life going? loving your fans?” you forced a smile, pushing the big question you so badly wanted to ask him down your throat. “yeah, of course. stays are the best, i wish i could meet them all and just, you know, say thank you. i wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without them.” you stopped in your step, “you know that’s not true, you’ve always been talented in music.”

felix laughed, blushing from the compliment, “thank you. but enough about me, how’s your life going?” you continued down the aisle in thought, him following along. you weren’t so sure telling your ex boyfriend whom you still had feelings for that you dumped so many guys because of him was such a good idea. you chose to settle for the safer route, “well, i got my dream job, and it’s going pretty well, which, thank the lord.”

he nodded in understanding, “yeah, i remember you saying how scared you were about getting a job you hated and having to live with that.” you had been so busy talking you hadn’t even realised felix had paid for your items as well. “oh, no, it’s okay, i’ll pay you back, wait,” you panicked, reaching for your wallet. “no, no, it’s fine, i insist,” he placed a hand on your wrist, guiding the both of you out the convenience store, “it’s honestly okay.”

he held out the smaller plastic bag to you, “there’s yours.” you received it, and couldn’t help noticing the significantly larger bag he clutched in his other hand. felix smiled sheepishly, “i promise i’m not crazy. it’s for the others.” “ah.” there was a silence before he smiled again, “do you want to come back to the building with me and meet the other guys?” panic began to rise in your chest again. although you knew felix when you were both 17, he could very well have completely changed now. you were also convinced going to an unknown building at 12 at midnight was a one way ticket to danger.

felix, seemingly sensing your unease, added, “you don’t have to if you don’t want to! please don’t feel obliged to.” you contemplated. on one hand, you finally reunited with felix, the person whom you’ve loved for years, hoping every day you could see him again; but on the other hand, not only would your friends be worried sick, but you were aware of the risks of going back with a not-so stranger at night.

finally deciding on a plan, you offered, “meet here tomorrow at 12 in the afternoon?” oh, the gleam in felix’s eyes made you want to succumb into his very being so bad. “i’ll see you then.”

“you’re kidding.” you were gathered around on one of the beds with your friends, telling them about your encounter with felix. “you proved me wrong so quickly,” millie tsked, throwing herself back onto the pillows. “i still can’t believe it. genuinely, what are the chances?” yuna crossed her arms, staring in wonder. “that’s not the point now, though, is it?” leah settled everyone down with that statement. she crossed her arms, turning to you, “the point is that you’re meeting up with an ex boyfriend, the only one who you’ve ever truly been in love with,” she paused, sighing at your disappointed look,

"i don’t mean that it’s a bad thing, darling, i know you love him, but we have to approach this realistically, right? the relationship ended because felix had to move back. even if you were to date him again, eventually we’re going back to australia,” leah tried reasoning gently, placing a hand on your knee. you remained silent. she was right. “that being said, you can still meet him, but it would be really dangerous for your feelings…” tara chimed in, trailing off. “i honestly think staying here with us is the safest path, but if you’re willing to take a risk,” leah shrugged. for felix? you’d take any and all risks for him.

of course you didn’t tell him of your dilemma. how could you? seeing the little hops in his every step brightened your day immediately. the girls had been reasonably disheartened that you couldn’t join them for their shopping, but you knew they had tried not to let it show by waiting with you at to the store until felix arrived.

“have you had lunch yet?” felix prodded, not wanting you to go about the day without the energy you needed. nodding, you allowed him to lead you down the road, towards the infamous jyp building. you had silently wished he would hold your hand like he always used to, but you also knew that any bit of hope should be crushed right then and there. this wasn’t the felix you dated years ago, this is another felix. an unfamiliar one, who has a new online persona, and even though he smells exactly like he used to, has the same smile, still as caring as before, this wasn’t your felix.

one step into the building and you already wanted to run away. this was a horrible idea. the sweet tone of felix greeting the staff practically turned you into a puddle, and you knew right then and there that you needed to leave immediately before an inevitable messy situation comes up.

just as you were about to protest about going back to your friends, you were interrupted by hyunjin and jeongin. you had recognised them plenty of times from social media. feeling obliged to stay now, you smiled awkwardly at their warm welcomings.

introducing yourself as well, you hadn't failed to notice their smiles falter at the mention of your name. you unwillingly began jumping to conclusions. did felix talk badly about you? did you do something just now to offend them? was it your outfit? did they know who you were?

you did fail to catch, however, was how felix's entire face flushed with red at the un-subtleness of his friends. they knew exactly just how in love with you he still was, he had never moved on, how could he? you were the love of his life, the one made just for him. no other girl he went on time-wasting dates with could ever compare to you.

felix was only slightly glad they pulled you away to their dance practice room to meet the other members, he needed time to recollect his thoughts, wait for his burning cheeks to cool down and return his speeding heartbeat to normal.

it was way too long before felix could pull you away for some alone time again. realistically, it was probably around 10 minutes or so, and it would've been longer had chan not caught felix's sulking eyes over his friends hogging the girl he had longed to reunite with for years. chan knew the reason why felix's relationships never lasted and why he was picky about going on dates.

felix's nervous mood throughout your lunch together in the now empty practice room was contagious, you now felt paranoid too. "are you okay?" you tried to ask casually, placing the leftover rubbish of your lunch down beside you. his eyes flew to meet yours, his jittery behaviour was unlike him. "yeah, no, i'm fine, i just..." he breathed in, swallowing with difficulty, "i haven't seen you in a long time." oh.

"it's..." he sighed, running a hand through his hair, leaning back against the mirrored wall, resting his other hand on his knees. "this year's been tough for me. i was in a really dark space and i wasn't sure what to do, you know? i would always think back to how you would be the one i'd run to whenever i needed someone to talk to, and how i could trust you with anything," he paused, looking for any indications of discomfort on your expression. your smile allowed him to visibly relax, his shoulders dropping.

"i have to admit that," he hesitated, before continuing reluctantly, "i was convinced that i would never fall in love again." another pause. "unless it's you i fall into," felix's voice grew quieter and quieter, as if he was uncertain whether he should go on or not. leaning over slightly and reaching for his hand, you squeezed it once, giving him reassurance. you were honestly surprised you weren't full on crying with joy. he still loved you.

felix seemed more sure of himself, but his words still failed him as they came out shakily, "i was... lost. i was lost within the darkness. nothing helped. i tried putting my emotions into singing, but i still felt that burning pain inside." your heart ached at his words. you felt guilty for doubting his feelings for you, all this time you thought he had long moved on.

"but then i found you." you finally saw it. your eyes connected with his and it was unmistakable. the love in his eyes was true. he stood up, and for a second you thought he was about to run away, but he tugged on your interlocked hands, indicating for you to follow.

now that you were standing parallel to him, felix held out something in his hand. how long had he been holding that for? he probably fished it out of his pocket while standing up. you took the item in your hands, before realising it was the necklace you gifted him the day he left. he kept it.

it was a simple, silver necklace with your initial and his chained together. you stared up at him, unsure of what exactly he wanted you to do with it. "i never wore it because of how much it reminded me of you, and it hurt to be reminded every day of how it's possible that i would never see you again."

you remained silent. you knew that once you clasped the chain around his neck, you're done for. you'd never be able to let him go. you were conflicted. this was your dream come true, reconciling with your first and only love; but on the other hand, you had your whole life in australia, everything you'd ever worked for was there.

but felix was here. he's right here, right in front of you.

wrapping your arms around him, you connected the clips of the necklace. your arms remained there, and you pressed your cheek against his chest, breathing in his scent. felix enveloped your figure in his hold, his head resting atop yours.

although your voice came out slightly muffled, what you said next brought the biggest grin on his face. "i'll never let you go again like i did before." you had a hell of a story to tell your friends.

[wsdanon]

also here's a wip of sorts of a dungeon meshi au me and jaime routeriver are having fun with \o/!! it technically works as a full oneshot, i just need to figure out whether i want to write it as a multichapter thing or not so for now i'm just posting on tumblr

It isn’t until they’re settling down for the night that it hits Pac that this will be the longest time they’ve been alone with Cellbit since prison. 

Usually Felps is there as a buffer. Or they’re in a very public area with lots of witnesses. Or it’s only for a couple of hours.

But him and Mike have just signed themselves up for days—maybe weeks—alone with Cellbit in a place where they won’t often run into people, and death is common and easy enough to cover up. 

He had just been so worried about Felps that even with Mike’s apprehension none of that had occurred to him. 

It is very much occuring to him now. 

They don’t need a watch technically, so Pac stutters out something about checking over his leg and waves away Mike’s concern. At least one of them should get a good night’s sleep tonight—and they definitely won’t want Mike sleep deprived while he’s checking over traps tomorrow.

Cellbit looks away quickly when he takes off the prosthesis. He would almost seem more squeamish about it than Pac is, but they both know that’s not true.

Pac watches out of the corner of his eye as Mike drifts off to sleep, and Cellbit prepares their food for storage.

Monsters. He never really thought he’d ever eat monsters. It feels almost like the same kind of forbidden as… 

He bites his lip, and breathes deeply. They have no other food supplies. He can’t afford to throw up dinner just because his brain is making stupid connections. 

But are they really stupid? Cellbit had gotten all strange when he mentioned he knew how to prepare them. Looking away from Pac the same way he carefully avoids looking at his leg. 

It’s not… cannibalism. Not even really close to it, right now. But it still doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel good. There has to be a reason why Cellbit of all people knows all about this—

“Are you okay?”

Pac flinches at the sound of Cellbit’s voice. 

“You’re looking a little…” Cellbit taps one of his own cheeks. “Pale, you know?”

“I’m, uh—I’m fine!” He sends Cellbit a shaky smile, internally cursing himself for how unconvincing it looks. “Totally fine, you know? Just—Yeah, all good here!”

“Okay.” 

Cellbit looks unconvinced, but doesn’t push. Pac suppresses a shudder at the feeling of Cellbit’s piercing gaze analysing him.

Felps. He’s doing this for Felps. He’s doing this because Felps got eaten by a dragon because he pushed Cellbit out of the way.   

Him and Mike didn’t have enough time to wait for Fit’s party to be ready, and Cellbit probably would’ve died if he went in alone like he was planning. And Pac… kind of likes Cellbit. You know, when there’s measures in place to stop him from killing them.

Besides, Cellbit’s different from Cell. That was one thing Felps promised when they ran into each other again, and even Mike agrees he’s changed at least a bit.

“Thank you.” Cellbit says, and this time Pac manages to hide his flinch. “For, like, coming with me even though I can’t really pay you for it. I appreciate it, and I know it’ll mean a lot to Felps.”

“Of course.” Pac shrugs, and messes with his leg some more. It really doesn’t need anything done to it, but he needs to at least try and look like he wasn’t lying. “Felps is, like—he’s a good friend, you know? And you probably would’ve died if you had to face the dragon alone, anyway.”

Pac tenses as soon as the potentially insulting words spill from his mouth. Forces out a nervous little laugh to show Cell—Cellbit he’s just joking.

But all Cellbit does is laugh, too.

“Yeah, probably.” He finally finishes putting away the food, and shifts to a more relaxed sitting position. “But it’s Felps, you know? I would’ve had to have tried something. Even if it was stupid.”

“Yeah, I get it.”

Honestly if Cellbit didn’t want to try, Pac probably would’ve come back down to save Felps himself. Well… not by himself. Mike probably would’ve come with him still. 

Or Pac would’ve had to sneak past Mike so Mike didn’t stop him from trying. One of the two.

By himself he wouldn’t have had to hide as much, at least.

And on that note: at least if worse comes to worse, and Felps… isn’t as intact as they need, Cellbit won’t be able to judge him for using forbidden magic. Because forbidden magic can help people if used in the right circumstances—which are all the circumstances Pac plans on using it. All Cellbit—All Cell ever did was hurt.

“I’m sorry.” Cellbit says. “This must be, uh, kinda weird for you, huh?”

“What do you mean?” Pac forces himself to smile. “It’s—It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Well, it’s not every day you eat monsters, right?” Cellbit shrugs. “A lot of adventurers don’t even think about it, and you didn’t seem… keen earlier.” 

Oh. Right. That’s what he’s talking about.

“Ah, I’ll get over it.” He hopes it doesn’t sound as fake to Cellbit as it sounds to himself. “It’s for Felps, you know? And you—you, uh, know a lot, right? You’re probably not gonna k-kill us by preparing it wrong.”

Although maybe in other, more purposeful ways… 

No, he shouldn’t think like that.

“I’ll try my best not to.” Cellbit says, with a genuine little smile.

It’s soft—from the tone of his voice, to his smile. Like they’re just friends joking around. Nothing like how Cell would act. 

It’s not—It’s not unusual for him now, really. It just feels… out of place. In this context. Because Pac can’t shake off the feeling that Cell’s just going to pop back up again and kill them.

Felps had been almost too honest about Cellbit’s progress. Had rambled about how fixated Cellbit was on getting revenge the first few months after getting off the island—before Felps managed to direct his attention elsewhere.

If it wasn’t for the fact Felps still stuck by Cellbit despite what Cellbit did to him in prison, Pac might’ve even left town entirely to avoid running into Cell again. They had passed by Felps’ body before leaving, after all. Pac was certain he was dead.

Felps seems happier now, too. And he had sacrificed himself for Cellbit. So, that most likely rules out the possibility that he’s still being blackmailed. There’s no reason why Felps would still be with Cellbit if he didn’t genuinely change.

Pac just wishes he could get his brain to believe it.

“I’m going to get some rest.” Cellbit says, smothering a yawn. “You probably should, too, yeah? We’ll have some big days ahead of us.”

“Yeah, I’m just—” he gestures at the leg in front of him. “—Just finishing up my check.”

Cellbit opens his mouth like he’s going to speak. Then shuts it again without saying anything, and moves to get under the covers of his bedroll. Pac waits until he thinks Cellbit’s asleep before getting into his own. 

It’ll only be for a week or so, right? A few days of discomfort is nothing compared to the thought of letting Felps rot in that dragon’s stomach. 

Besides, Cellbit’s had plenty of opportunities to kill them over the years. He hasn’t done it yet. That has to count for something.

--

hope you guys enjoyed \o/!!!

[helpinghanikan]

Alejandro Vargas A to Z (NSFW)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He stays close as possible after finishing. Laying over your back, pressing against your chest, while taking heavy breathes.

He doesn’t really care about the mess or the sweat. He just wants to be close as you for a bit longer. Give you more kisses while you groan about his weight. Not whining enough to make him stop, but enough to make it obvious you aren’t that easy.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He considers his hands to be almost magic. They’re worn from work and precise from practice. Easily the best thing about himself, it’s why he likes to cup your face when kissing.

On you he likes your back. A large expansion of skin he can run his hands down and touch gently. He especially loves when you hug or dance, then he can slide a hand up the back of your shirt. Giving gentle strokes as he sways with your body.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Condom king. He always has some in his wallet, his car, he’s even snuck some into your purse. He’s a military man, you can’t expect him not to be prepared.

He doesn’t like the mess that fucking raw creates. In a contained wrapped he can just tie it off and toss it away. He’s never missed so far but there isn’t a hotel you’ve stayed in that hasn’t been christened.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He keeps a dirt picture of you on his person.

It’s a very specific photo that doesn’t show you face. No tattoos or visible scars in the shot. It was just your body in a hotel bathroom. A birthday gift he had specifically asked for.

This way he can keep you close but doesn’t have to worry about someone finding it and tracking you down.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Alejandro got around in his youth. Rudy will tell you about if you ask. Especially when they both joined the military; women love a man in uniform after all.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He likes you on your back. Where he can move your legs over his shoulder, pull them together, anyway he wants. In this position he can also reach your face for kisses, keep his lips near your ear, and overall stay closer than he could in another other position.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He’s serious about it. Not really seeing sex as a time or place to be making jokes or trying to get a laugh out of you.

Giggling is different. Getting you to giggle at his kisses and tingles are a sign that he’s going in the right direction.

H = Hair (how well-groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He’s the closest thing to a bear you’ll find when it comes to hair. Dark curls on his chest, his arms, and legs hairy. This includes his pubic hair; something that he is also self-conscious about.

He asks you at least once a month if you like how his hair is. He honestly listens and changes for your tastes. But that doesn’t stop him from asking again.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He’s a freaking sweetheart to you both before and during. Whispering and giving little kisses that make you giggle more than moan. He likes to have candles going if you aren’t going to bed right after.

He’ll declare his love both in the heat of the moment and in the afterglow. Wanting you to understand that he really means it. In everyway a man could.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He’s a chronic masturbator. Whether on a mission or at home, he doesn’t want to bug you all the time. Sometimes it’s just easier to rub one out than to go searching.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He likes to give massages. It’s a way to get closer to you without it being actual sex.

He has oils and candles too. If anyone asks he just says it’s yours. But this is only because he knows someone is gonna ask for a massage if they knew his skills.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Your shared bedroom. It’s a safe place that Alejandro had never felt the need to be on guard in. Where else would be a better place to bare himself? Literally and metaphorically.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Seeing you all relaxed. Like when you’re about to sleep and you stretch out of the bed like a cat. Smiling up at him in your pajamas. Practically begging for him to get those jammies off.

Giving a massage is another one. He likes to pamper you with those magic hands. Laying stomach down on the floor, only a pare of shorts to act as modesty. He has to pace himself from moving too fast. The looser you are, the more he can move.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Public, there are far too many variables to worry about. Not just the indecent exposure charge but that someone could recognize him. He’ll never be able to look his men in the eye again if he’s caught with his pants down.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He’s self-conscious about blowjobs. He can never tell if he washed enough, if his pubes were to your liking, or if he was moving the right way. It’s too much to focus on to get any serious pleasure from it.

Because of this he’d rather go down on you. He doesn’t have to think about anything. He just needs you to orgasm from him. That’s the best kind of reward.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He tricks you by being all slow and sensual at the beginning. Acting all worried about if you can take him or if you’re being hurt. Just to start moving faster and faster, a hand over your mouth as if to hide the moans you make.

He eats you out slowly too. Making drag until the orgasm reaches the very tips of your toes. Continuing the rhythm in his massages and fingering. It’s only when his cock is involved does he start going faster.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He doesn’t like them. He prefers to have you completely, take his time, make it an event.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

The riskiest thing he does is a threesome, and that’s only if you both know the persona really well. Everything else is off the table; no public stuff, he’s not gonna tie you up, and absolutely no one is allowed to watch who isn’t invited.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He’s a one and done kind of guy. Wanting you to cum at least twice before he penetrates. Usually using his hands but also eating you out when he can get you on your back.

He sees it as a way to make himself feel better. That way when he starts tot fuck he can go a little faster. Focusing more on his pleasure than yours when he moves inside of you.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Toys have never been his thing. You may have vibrator or dildo for when he’s gone but Alejandro has never gone out of his way to buy anything.

He has used said vibrator on you. When he wants to know just how far he can get you.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He’s not big on teasing. At most he’ll run a hand over your ass when passing by at home.

If he wants you, he’s blunt about it. When in public he leans down and whispers in your ear with a gentle hand on your shoulder. When alone he’s blunter about it; asking if you knew the effect you were having on him, and if you were doing it purpose.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He speaks in a low voice when fucking. A deep baritone voice that changes from English to Spanish without a single care whether he is making sense or not. He talks the entire way through; giving praise and demanding more in equal succession.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

With your blessing he really likes to have Rudy join in. But he wants him in the middle of the two of you.

If both of you are dominant he likes to have Rudy become a mess under both your hands. If you’re more on the submissive side then he takes his rule as a commander into the bedroom. Telling how and where to lick and Rudy.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s longer than he is thick. About six inches, circumcised.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It’s probably a bit lower than average. He doesn’t have the time to spend nearly as much time with you as he wants. He’d rather talk to you, have a meal together, even going for a drive with his hand in yours is a better option.

This isn’t to say he sees sex as a waste of time. It’s just a less important activity than being with you.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He tries his best to stay awake, he really does. But there is something about sex that takes him out soon as he’s done.

You crawl out of bed, try to get a bit clean, and he’s already asleep. Not enough that he won’t cuddle with you, though.

[theyandereonmyoji]

General Yandere Silver the Hedgehog Headcanons

Well, I’ve been receiving quite a few requests for Silver, so I thought that, before responding any of those, I should post some of my general headcanons (Also sorry about the hiatus, but thankfully I should be free for a long while) TW: implied murder and kidnapping

This sweet, naive hedgehog would take a long time before he realized he felt anything…special towards you. He’s just happy to have friends he can talk to. After all, he can get pretty lonely back in his future, even with how much he wants to make friends and hang out with them, he can’t. However, after a long while, he starts asking himself tons of questions about his behavior. Like why do his eyes wander off to where you are when hanging out with a bunch of your mutual friends, or why does he get so nervous when you two are alone. Whether his feelings towards you are purely platonic or even romantic, he’ll eventually realize how truly intense his feelings are.

His attitude towards you wouldn't change much on a surface level, he’s still the eager, optimistic hedgehog that wears his heart on his sleeves and likes to be around you. Yet, those traits that would make him a lovable dork in most situations, is what ultimately causes him to be rather intense when you two are together. He’s basically like an overgrown puppy, lovable and ultimately doesn’t want to cause you any issues, yet he can be extremely overbearing and not allow you to have any personal space. It doesn’t matter how boring or mundane your activities are for the day, he’s always there, for better or for worse.

If one day you decide that he’s just too intense for you and ask him to please leave you alone for a while, he will give be noticeably sad even if he tries to hide it, but he will leave you alone…for a little while anyways, him lasting a day without you is a miracle, but eventually he’ll beg you for you two to hang out again, swearing that he will try to give you your space, but to please let him be around you again. And honestly you would need to be heartless to say no to the poor guy, he’s just trying his best, can you really stay mad at him for long? From then on, he respects your personal space a bit more, though he does still have his moments where that type of behavior can resurface.

Despite how sweet and caring he is towards you (and towards any of his friends really) He can be quite…serious for a lack of a better term. If he sees anything or anyone that he might consider a threat, well, mercy might not be in his vocabulary that day. Honestly it’s like a on/off switch, one moment he’s being the sweetest cinnamon roll to ever exist towards all of his friends, and even more towards you, the next he’s willing to commit murder for your sake. Trust me when I say you want to stop him before things get messy, if not for the sake of whatever poor fella crossed him that day, at least to have a healthy conscience at the end of that day. After all, Silver sees no reason to hide what he’s willing to do for you

The poor boy gets jealous easily and he’s terrible at hiding it. The thing he’s not terrible at is gaslighting himself though. After all, there’s no way he would ever harm someone innocent, they must be evil in some way, he just knows you’re not safe with them. Pray to whatever god you believe in (or to good luck if you’re not religious, whatever works) that he doesn’t find enough “evidence” to support his claim that your friend is a menace, because once he does, there’s no stopping him. He’s a stubborn one, and in his eyes, it’s not like he’s doing anything wrong. He’s just keeping everyone you safe away from that bastard, but it’s ok now, they’ll be gone soon, so don’t worry about it, ok?

I hope you like gifts, because with Silver you’re going to get a lot of hand-made ones. He wishes nothing more than to make you smile, and he figured out that a good way to do so would be gifts. Baked good, some small crafts, he’ll try to make anything, and while they might not be of the best quality, it’s the intention that counts, and again, you would have to be absolutely heartless to tell him that you don’t like his gifts, especially with those puppy eyes of his. He’s just so happy when you acknowledge all of his hard work to make you happy, he just can’t get enough of your smile, it’s almost like oxygen to him, he just can’t get enough of it. He’s willing to do anything for you, quite literally. 

Silver probably has the least stable breaking point out of everyone, mostly cuz he’s so used to thinking about how everything can go wrong due to his ruined future, that basically anything happening to you is catastrophic in his eyes. You got a scratch? He panics, a fight with someone? Pray they get a quick death. Eventually as things get worse and worse (according to him anyways) he’ll decide that he’s had enough and not let you go anywhere without him, or more accurately, let you go anywhere at all. Reasoning with him is impossible, after all he’s as stubborn as can get, and as much as he loves you, he’s not taking no for an answer, after all it’s all for your sake, so shouldn’t you be happy?

The only possible way I can see you escaping from him is if you somehow gain his trust enough for him to let his guard down, slip up, and give you a chance to peace out…but good luck with that. It isn’t that he wouldn’t trust you, but he’s just incapable of being apart from you, so a moment when you’re alone are too few and far between, I doubt you would even have a proper plan to escape him. In the case you somehow do manage to do so, your freedom won’t last long, he’s really adept with that psychokinesis of his, so the moment he sees you it’s game over. He would try to justify to himself why would you ever want to run away, after all, it’s impossible for him to see what he did wrong, you probably were just anxious, but no need to worry, he will always be there for you

[dreamerswriter]

Top 5 Characters That I Believe Will Appear in Twisted Wonderland

It has been a while since I wrote a theory for the blog and what better way to make one by doing something for Twisted Wonderland. A game about Disney characters that on an average day I can go from thinking "wow, this character is well-written and has development!" to "I wouldn't hesitate to hit any of them in the head with a shovel". Except for Kalim, Silver, Neige, and Chenya. Who knows? This could change. 

Anyway, I will discuss how this will work. I made two lists. 

The first list is Top 5 Characters That Have a Good Chance of Appearing in this App for this post.

Vs 

Top 5 Characters I Would Love to See for another post. 

I know there are some characters who will definitely appear while there will be other characters who will not appear. I want to be right or get close with some of these characters. Would I love to see these characters appear? Will they? Some are a yes and others are a definite no. 

So, I've got a few categories and requirements for these characters. 

Rules: 

No family members + siblings 

No one already in the game with little backstory to them

This includes unique magics.

These characters have to be from Disney 

No Yuus. 

Mainly students but these can be teachers

I am looking at the Japanese version of the game. 

Format for each character: 

What school each person goes to

If possible, what dorm they belong to

What kind of magic would they use

Possibly backstory or what could happen to the character

Whether the character could overblot or not or would cause trouble

A potential storyline for them. 

With that said, let's start with the Top 5 Characters That Have a Good Chance of Appearing. With 5 being the least likely to 1 being the most likely.

5. Prince Hans 

So, I have a feeling this is a glass case scenario. For those that don't know what that means, it means that when the app needs money or something big, they will pull out a big event or character or item. Hans might be in this situation. 

While, he's not my favorite villain, he is a prick and it is fun to hate on pricks. Though, given on how twst puts a literal twist on the villains, it would be interesting to see what they do with this character. 

An ideal storyline would be something with whatever twst Anna and Elsa are, or it could be against one of the main cast we have. I could see Leona being a potential one because of their brothers. I want Hans to hate his brothers in this version or have a struggle with them. Leona would be the best foil since while he doesn’t hold his brother in high regard, he wouldn’t do anything this extreme. This event could be between royal students, so Malleus, Kalim, and maybe Rook, Idia, or Ortho since they have connections to royals. Would he Overblot? Yes, yes he would. He would have an ego and lose his mind to. But as long as I get to punch him, I am ok with this! 

This would be another SSR for Leona with a duo with Malleus. Kalim and Malleus being both the SR cards. I think for this, I am going with Rook for the R card. 

So, for the school. A part of me wants another school or him to be at NRC. However, another part of me wants him to be in RSA. Much like how NRC has Kalim, Rook, and Silver, I would enjoy it if RSA had Hans who uses dark magic as his neutral, but he appears princely. It would be nice to see this kind of student there. 

All in all, I can see this character debuting in the app, but I hope it is just Frozen 1. Do not give me anything more than that! I am serious! Enough is enough with Frozen! But I wouldn't hesitate to punch him at least once.

4. Mother Gothel

I think another person who has a good chance of appearing in this app is Mother Gothel. I am honestly surprised she wasn't in this app at all in the beginning. Similar to Trein, I hope she will be a teacher and maybe have kids?? But yeah, let's have another teacher at this school. The only ones holding this school together is Trein and Crewel. Sam if he gets something out of it, but Vargas and Crowely do not contribute anything in the end if you ask me. I don't know what kind of teacher I would want her to be, but it would be fitting for her to be taking care of students.

She's not my favorite villain because of how she treated Rapunzel and Eugene personally. Though, I do know the story for her would definitely be interesting, even if she is a teacher. The teachers do have good backstories, and I would love to see their pasts. She would be no different. I wonder if she does have kids that Rapunzel would attend NRC or RSA. This can also apply to Eugene as well since he could go to their school. I hope she didn't kidnap any kids….

I can see two possible stories. One, whatever goes on with the teachers down the line. We could learn about the teacher's backstories and how they're at the school. I want some kind of backstory, because all the teachers are interesting to me. 

For another scenario, maybe they go to her hometown and see what she's doing, like taking the magic from Rapunzel. Though, I feel like a plot like that will be hard to do. 

Overblot is possible, but I also hope not. I don't think she needs one, but if they do, it will be a wicked design. I can feel it. 

As for character cards I would want Riddle to be SSR, another Lilia SR (even though he has a bunch), Vil as an SR, and the R card to be Deuce. All four have themes of families and mothers. Vil's mother left and he has no intention of finding her, Deuce's mother was recently introduced and is a caring mother at that, Lilia is a single dad, but he's had experience with raising kids. Of course, Riddle because of the relationship he has with his mother. Riddle getting a duo with Vil would be a nice touch. I genuinely want a theme of family to be explored for one time. As well as the responsibility of being a parent vs the child's view on the situation.

3. Iago 

There have been references to a friend that Najma and Jamil have. This could be a throw away line, but it is entirely possible this is Iago. Out of all the villain characters, it did surprise me that Iago wasn't present. Then I thought about it, Iago isn't a villain anymore. He's actually a hero in Aladdin 2. He saved Aladdin and kicked Jafar's lamp into the lava. Though, I can see this as another Rook situation except that doesn't frick me over. I have a cat to feed! Why did you do this?! 

Iago can either go to RSA or NRC because of the movies. I want to lean more RSA because I believe Aladdin's dad, Cassim, would be there. Iago is in a similar situation to Rook. Sure, the hunter did was tasked with killing Snow White, but he ended up protecting her. Iago did steal the lamp, but he did kill genie Jafar by pushing his lamp into the lava. So, it would be interesting. I also want to see a bird beastman. Since we have Kifaji, I would be nice to see another one. That's just me though. I think his magic could be either dark or light magic since Iago's been both a hero and a villain. I want him to have a duo with Jamil. 

Anyway, it is clear that he would have some relationship to Jamil and Najma at the very least. He might even know Kalim. For the story, I think it would be a return to the Scalding Sands. A party at Kalim's place that his family hosts. He steals something that is important to them and could create a kind of mystery element to it. Like the murder mystery plots except no one is dead. When they do find out it is him, he would Overblot. Then, everything will be fine, because Kalim would say so. 

So, the only issue is Jamil's 3rd birthday card has a picture of Iago. Now, we don't know if this means Jamil is also Iago. I personally hope not, because there is potential of him to be a great character. If it does, then that's fine too. I would love Jamil to have a friend that would understand his situation. The closest friend he has is Ruggie, but it would be nice. 

2. Prince Rielle + Falena 

This is where I break a rule, but I want to know what both looked like. Mainly, because these two are iconic Disney characters. Even if one of them died. Regardless, both are important characters to the stories of Leona and Azul. As of this moment, I don't know if either will appear in the manga, but it would honestly be nice to see either of them. Heck, they could even debut in the anime. We still don't know what the anime is about at the moment either, so we could get more characters. 

So, both attended RSA. I don't know if they will Overblot since we haven't seen anyone from that school Overblot. Heck, we haven't seen anyone with light magic Overblot. If any of these two has a chance to Overblot, I would say Rielle. They could do a lot with his character. 

Rielle will have an amazing father and has older brothers who I imagine are accomplished singers and mages. I'd imagine he would feel insecure. Let's not forget that all he can do is sing. Ariel didn't have a lot of other talents either, so I believe he was feel some insecurity. I know the popular theory is that he bullied Azul, and that makes a lot of sense. Azul is a smart mage and has a lot of talent. He runs a competent restaurant and subscription service at the age of 17 and understand economics! Either way, I could see Rielle having an Overblot. 

As for the story, I would honestly love another singing competition with him staring in it with his other siblings. Of course, Octavinelle would arrive, I would love to see Vil again, and Neige too. Who knows if Rielle would apologize or not to Azul, but the pressure of his brothers and what he did could trigger an Overblot. 

As for Falena, I feel like something would have to happen to his wife, Cheka, or Leona. I was kind of disappointed with the Leona's home event that we didn't get to see him. Though, for some odd reason, a prequel Lion King movie is in the works, so we could see Falena? I have no clue really. The potential story would be some trouble happening in the country and that means Leona has to return home to help. Something goes wrong and causes Falena to Overblot. I could see some bonding moments between him and Leona. 

Should clarify, I don't think they'll Overblot or not everyone needs an Overblot. There are ways to write for one to occur, but 

For cards, I think any are fine. To be honest, the current cards are also fine to deal with these events as well. Rielle and Falena could have common SSR cards, but I would love Cheka to cameo in Falena's card at least. Please?

1. Captain Hook 

This character is honestly a surprise. Where is he? Even more so, since we even have the fairies. Though, the fairies are fae and I believe Pixie Hollow exist. Whether Peter Pan and the lost boys do is another issue all together. Regardless, out of all the main villains that Disney markets in their merchandise and even at stores in the parks, Captain Hook isn't in the app. The only other two not in this app are Chernabog and Oogie Boogie. While all 3 are popular, Captain Hook is probably the more well known. Look, I love Fantasia and that's why I know Chernabog as well as his two boss fights in KH. Oogie Boogie is popular too from his movie, Hot Topic, and Kh, but I think Captain Hook is known more. You can argue about who should be there, but for me, I think Captain Hook needs to be the next big villain to be added. 

I want this captain to attend NRC. I want him to be a student so bad. I feel like he would absolutely hate the twins while he's cautious of Azul. I want him to either have a pirate sword or a gun. If anyone argues that is violent, Ortho threatened to destroy the school and doxx them. Of course, his neutral magic would be darkness. I feel like he would be strict with the rules or be more mature than most of the students. Then, he would do something dorky that proves he still has some growing up to do. 

Oh mans, the theme of growing up would be amazing to explore. I know there is a theory that the player's dorm is the captain Hook's one, but I don't think so. It could be, but I don't know. If any dorm he should belong to is  Heartslabyul. Both stories are from messed up British authors and both would have themes of growing up and following your own path as well as adhering to the rules. Of course, he would have a fancy outfit, and now that I think about it, I wonder how he would've reacted to Savanaclaw dressing up as pirates. I know Azul, Floyd, or Jade have a line about it, but it would be curious to see. 

Alright, backstory time. He's not that rich and had to grow up fast. I imagine a similar situation to Ruggie. He does have many jobs and has made some connections. He took care of kids in the orphanage he grew up in and uses his magic for them. He knows a lot of stories like those of heroes who steal from the rich and give to the poor. 

His unique magic would have something to do with his abilities to organize or command a crew. "All Hands on Deck!" he gives a command and the command must be fulfilled before he can cast another one. 

I have no idea of Mr. Smee would appear, but he would definitely be his second in command. 

Also, yes, he would overblot. There's just no way he wouldn't. I recall the KH boss fights with him. Those were fun, so I can see the same thing happening here. 

And now for the story reason he would Overblot. There's a treasure that students want to find on an island. Of course, they run into the fairies who cause them trouble. Then, they could encounter Hook and Smee. They race to find the treasure and slowly but surely, Hook is starting to lose it and Overblots to get the treasure and get rid of those who don't get out of his way or listen to him. Afterwards, maybe they'll take him with them back to the school. 

I could see Ruggie, Trey, Jade, and Jamil being the cards for this kind of event. Ruggie would be my choice for the SSR since he would relate the most to him. Trey and Jamil being the SR, Jamil being the duo to Ruggie. Trey is an older brother and I want to see that explored. Jamil and his life would also reflect well with Hook. Jade is the R card, because I could see him helping Smee more than Hook but also wanting the treasure for his brother and Azul. 

Wow, I was really passionate about this character. Well, that's it for those I believe have a huge chance of being in this App. I think these characters are the most likely to debut and have such interesting storylines to go with them as well. Honestly, I can't even wait to see what we get from the new events alone!

[pregnancykink]

happy wincest wednesday!! do you have a few stanford era headcanons about sam and/or dean?

Happy wincest wednesday!! Ooooh good one. I’ve got a couple, not necessarily wincest related but I’ll throw a couple of those in too.

Sam:

- Gets really into late 90s/early 00s alt. I think this probably starts in high school (listen, Nine Inch Nails’ The Fragile coming out when he’s 16 would change him), but once he’s away from his brother and fathers’ music taste he really develops his own. And because we know he keeps to himself a lot in college, afraid to really let people get to know him, I can sooo see him alone in his dorm with the portable CD player he saved up to buy with work-study money just listening to Hole and Nirvana and RHCP and Smashing Pumpkins and Soundgarden and stuff lol

- I know a lot of people HC that Sam experiments with guys during his time at college but I don’t know that he does…even in California, 2001-2005 was a pretty rough time to be out, and I honestly mostly picture him jerking off to gay porn more than I do him having a quasi-steady sex life with guys. I tend to also see Sam as having a preference toward women. However I DO think he got in at least one gay sex experience at a bar one night after amicably beating the guy in darts, and when he got home he spent all night wondering if Dean’s also had experiences with guys (he has) and he never stops to think about the fact that he is like, really intensely thinking about his brother’s sex life lol

- Jess is the only one of his friends (and later girlfriend, obv) he tells about Dean. He lets the rest of his friends think he’s an only child, military brat, bad relationship with his father. Brady of course knows he’s got a brother and sometimes tries to wheedle this out of Sam, who’s pretty tight-lipped about his family. Some of his acquaintances think he’s a cult escapee. Jess asks why Sam doesn’t talk to Dean anymore and he says “I just can’t” and never elaborates

Dean:

- We know Dean and John go to check on Sam at Stanford sometimes, but one night after John goes back to the motel Dean continues to tail Sam. Even gets kind of angry that Sam hasn’t picked up on Dean following him – his reflexes have gotten bad. Really seriously considers revealing himself, and even follows Sam all the way to a bar or party. Then he sees Sam meet up with Jess, give her a kiss, have a real smile on his face, and he turns and walks away. He’s really angry, like, way more angry than he has a right to be, doesn’t think about why, goes to a dive bar and picks up a guy, specifically, to fuck

- Whereas sexual stuff with John used to be more of a rarity, it becomes really regular once Sam is gone. I don’t read this as an equal relationship; I think Dean thinks he has some sort of power and has consented to it, but really he’s not in a position to say no. Whether John meant to or not, he groomed Dean, and once Sam is gone there’s no reason to hide

- Similar to the Jess & Sam situation, Cassie is the only person Dean tells about Sam. Not that he makes a habit of bringing up his family to people he sleeps with at all – not that he makes a habit of having relationships in general – but stuff comes up in pillow talk sometimes. “Just me and my dad,” he’ll always say. He doesn’t want to share Sam with these people, they don’t mean anything anyway. But Cassie means something, so it doesn’t feel so bad to share Sam with her. It doesn’t work out, and he stops saying anything about his family to anyone. Always just claims to be on his own; lost his family young

[la-squadra1234]

Hello! I enjoy what you write, I also like the concept of the child reaction ^^ (but I don't put a "like" on all your post not to spam you. Also I didnt read everything because I saw your account yesterday so I hope this question hasn't been asked before qwq)

Well I have a little question/request. "How the hxh characters would react seeing their kid looks more like their mother than them ?" 🤔 (some person could be more happy and others a little annoyed)

I also want to thank you because when I read your little oneshot I imediatelly had an idea for my own kiddo in it X)

Oh my God it’s no problem at all and you can spam me all you want I don’t even get annoyed because people are supporting me❤️

This is such a great request so of course I will do it!

Full credit to la-squadra1234

Feitan-

He would honestly have mixed feelings about it. He would be happy that his child resembles his s/o but at the same time he would be a bit jealous because that’s his kid as well and he wants his kid to look like him or at least have some kind of resemblance but he would always just keep his mouth shut about it because he doesn’t want to seem like an asshole and a jealous one at that (kind of feel bad for him lmao)

Phinks-

He would definitely be relieved that his kid would probably end up having eyebrows (OK I’m so sorry, but I had to say that I couldn’t resist😭) but he definitely would feel a little bad about himself even though it has nothing to do with him and it’s not his fault and it’s out of his control but eventually he would come around and just accept it because there’s nothing that he can do about it and even if there was he definitely would not want to change his own kid

Chrollo-

There would be no ounce of jealousy in this man he would be super happy, and the fact that he even has a child is just amazing to him, and he just loves every part of being a father to the point where he doesn’t even care whether his child resembles his mother or him (as long as his child doesn’t resembles somebody else…)

Hisoka-

We all know how this man is, is very laid-back as a parent, but at the same time he would have the audacity to be salty about the fact that his child does not resemble him as much as he would like his child to But he wouldn’t say anything about it at least not to his s/o but nothing is stopping him from going in ranting to illumi even though we all know very well illumi won’t care

Uvogin-

if his child does not look like him, he at least wants his child to have the same nen type as him he wants to at least have some thing in common with his child, but he would not be moody or jealous about the situation or anything in general. He would be pretty neutral about it surprisingly enough.

Franklin-

Honestly, he is just hoping that his child isn’t scared of him😭 he wouldn’t really mind how his child looks. Anyways, I mean he can’t really say anything…. And he definitely would not want his child to resemble him unless it’s eye colour or hair color.

Nobunaga-

He would definitely be salty about it and he would make sure everybody knows that he is salty about it. He would definitely go and tell his s/o knowing damn well it’s out of their control and of course he would go rent about it to the phantom, troupe and especially uvogin but their advice to him was just to suck it up and shut up about it

Shalnark-

He wouldn’t really care much as long as his child was respectful to him and his s/o he wouldn’t really care about the looks as long as he knows that it’s his child 

That’s it for today everybody I hope everybody enjoyed this post!

I just ended up doing the spiders for some reason lol because I have been doing them a lot recently and I have just gotten used to doing them

I will see everybody in the next Post bye now!

[marsgod]

How about cyborg!reader, who is emotionless, slowly begins to express emotions when they fall in love with the requested character? So then cyborg!reader, who doesn't know how it feels to be in love, confesses to them like this:

"I never knew what it was like to express emotions and yet...your presence alone has changed that. Why? How come I feel an absurd amount of happiness at the sight of you? And why do I feel so warm inside when you are by my side? Everything about you is dear to me and because of that, I fear that I may lose you... How did you become so significant to me? Do you know what this emotion is...?"

(Characters for this request: Idia, Deuce)

I JUST LOVE THE CONCEPT OF AN EMOTIONLESS CYBORG FALLING IN LOVE LIKE??? Kajssjsiejs IM SORRY DONT MIND ME

TBH I’M IFFY ON THIS TROPE BUT LIKE…. The speech? the EMOTIONS?? CONFUSION AT FEELING HAPPINESS FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IT’S KINDA SOF KINDA SAD?? yes? please???

also I’m adding Kalim cus idk i’m thinking of him, what’re you gonna do? call the cops?

⇢ Idia, Deuce, Kalim x Cyborg! Gn! Reader

⇢Warnings; Platonic to romantic. robot/cyborg! reader, gn! reader,confessions, learning abt love

Idia Shroud

Becoming friends with Idia is a task in of itself, so meeting him through Ortho, also a cyborg and determined to get his brother to make friends, drags you to Ignihyde.

He’s careful with you at first, as much as he’s interested because of your robotic features, you’re still sentient and still have thoughts so Idia’s still.. Wary of you

Building up your friendship, Idia is quick to realize that you don’t actually feel emotion, even if you do that awkward fake smile you do that only screams “i haven’t had any emotional contact in years”

He does later realize he likes you, but buries it due to the fact that, well.. You can’t actually feel, and Idia doesn’t really want to confess first (that and the fact, yknow, YOU CAN’T FEEL LOVE)

Throughout the day, you’d seemed quieter than normal, you’d been staring at Idia with your unblinking eyes and he wouldn’t dare to guess what you were thinking about with your neutral face. All day, Idia could feel your eyes burning holes into him, and he doesn’t know whether to be scared or intrigued. At the end of the day, you two had gone to his room, per your usual routine, and you lied on his bed to think.

“You’re the only person who’d pull these emotions out from me, it hurts and.. it’s worrying.. What did you do to me?”

The day you had finally decided to pull him aside though, Idia couldn’t really compare you to anything other than a confused puppy. You sounded concerned (at least the words you used did anyways). Idia listened to your speech, your concern, tuning out everything but your words in surprise and hope.

Idia holds his breath because he’s almost sure this is a dream, and he’d hate to move wrong and wake up, but he knows he needs to answer. Dream or not.

In all honestly though, he’d hate answering this, even if he knows exactly what emotion you’re feeling, what if he’s actually wrong and one kr both of you end up resenting him..?

In the end, if he chooses to explain about what he thinks you’re feeling, you only continue to look at him but with a slightly more familiar and heartwarming twinkle in your eye

Deuce Spade

It’s not hard to be friends with Deuce, not particularly easy either, maybe he’ll come up to you to ask about your robotic nature and to ask if you actually need to eat, maybe it’ll be Ace to introduce you because Deuce was intimidated.

Deuce isn’t awkward or anything, and as much as he doesn’t understand it, he’d be super curious to know how being a cyborg works in everyday life for you, so it’s a motivation to suck up how “scary” you are

Eventually, you become a regular (dare i say frequent) part of Deuce’s life, it might’ve him a bit to realize, as a robotic being, you didn’t exactly feel anything

including love

knowing that, he wouldn’t confess due to not wanting to force you, but he still admired and loved you regardless

You were crying, although you didn’t show much reaction, the raise of your eyebrows and parting of yours lips gave away just how shocked you were.

“I-I don’t know what’s happening, to me? Anytime I’m around you- Goddamnit, what are you doing to me? I’m not meant to feel.”

Deuce, as shocked and happy as he was, didn’t know what to say. Did he comfort you? Did you want his comfort, or was he just supposed to give you an explanation for what you felt?

He didn’t know why you felt it, Deuce was glad you did and was definitely bouncing on the inside, but what was he supposed to do when you were so scared of the new feeling that was so normal to him?

Deuce is happy, he feels like crying himself because of how lucky he is, he’s happy that you did what he probably wouldn’t have had done

Kalim Al-Asim

Kalim, being ever the extrovert, was happy to meet you! He faltered at your slightly monotone exterior (and interior, apparently) but that didn’t last long as he invited you to the next party he was throwing

Kalim knows you can’t feel, but that doesn’t process in his head because he can feel, how can someone live without doing so?

You never had made sense to Kalim, but that’s what the attraction started with, curiosity and the want to understand

You’d quiet, ignoring Kalim for most the day in contemplation, and he wasn’t going to lie, he was kind of hurt and wanted to ask why you’d been talking to everyone but him.

Later, you’d finally, finally, talked to him, Kalim visibly brightened up. The look of happiness slowly faded to shock as you told and ranted to him, about him.

“How did you become so significant to me?”

You’d never know how much Kalim loved you at that moment, he’d love to here those words on repeat and nothing else. He was more excited and happy than anyone could guess, all he wanted to do was hug you.

Kalim is restless with his happiness, and cannot wait to see where this leads you in your relationship.

[frozenjokes]

To Keep (Signing Back In, Apparently Epilogue) // 1

Next - Ao3 Link

chapter 1 cw: organs being removed from body but not too graphically and honestly the victim isn’t too worried about it

For the sake of research, should any hands human or otherwise get ahold of his notes, Cub felt it rather relevant to clarify a few things about ghosts. Well, ghosts that lived here anyway, here on the island that met them halfway. Whether the island itself was half dead or the ghosts that inhabited it were half alive was up for debate, but ultimately irrelevant. This island held a long history of death and new beginnings, so naturally, a ghost that lived here could be quite powerful. They could interact with the place just as if they were human; they could build, fly, explore, but most relent to Cub’s current predicament, they could die.

Well, die was a strong word, but their bodies could only sustain so much damage before ceasing to exist, at least for a little while, until their spirits wandered back to and reformed at Spawn, the place they drew their power. Perhaps this was a symptom of ‘meeting life and death in the middle’ though that was only a theory. Ghosts under normal circumstances would only rarely interact with the world if they ever did at all. If the world can’t touch you, it can’t hurt you, but here, any plant, animal, or mineral native to the island could do sizable damage if you weren’t careful.

Naturally, ‘dying’ in several creative and violent ways revealed other odd things about the ghosts living here, or rather, what was inside of them. Cub had always been fascinated by the muscles and organs in his ethereal form, seemingly serving no other purpose than aesthetics. Maybe on the surface it doesn’t sound all too strange, but try breaking a bone in an undead body, and suddenly everything feels real weird. There’s something indignant about getting injured as a dead man, a ghost especially. You’re dead. Pain and broken bodies are behind you. Yet here you are, unable to finish up a project because a stray piece of rubble crushed your arm, and your useless ghost body is taking its sweet time regenerating. Ah, but he was getting off topic.

See, he brought it up because of Scar, or at least what used to be Scar, who was currently taking great pleasure in removing his intestines from his stomach. Not painful per se, but certainly uncomfortable. Enough to wish he’d just die already to get the regeneration process started, but hey, he couldn’t blame a vex for having a little fun. Well, maybe fun wasn’t the right word; Scar looked more frustrated than anything. Did he want Cub to be afraid (or was that just wishful thinking)? If he did, he wasn’t doing a great job. This was too slow, hardly threatening really, almost like he wasn’t trying at all. Cub wasn’t going to pretend to be scared for Scar’s benefit, he’d have to work for it. Though, maybe it was hard to come up with new and frightening ways to kill him; this was the fourth time after all. Cub furrowed his brow. Well, four wasn’t that many. Even Scar looked disinterested; how was Cub supposed to be engaged like this!

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Cub asked, trying to catch Scar’s eye. Scar paused in the ravaging of Cub's organs to consider the question, though he didn’t look any less annoyed. Finally, he curled his lip.

“You.”

“Ah! What a coincidence. I’ve been thinking about you as well. Quite a lot actually. Maybe we could talk about this, or even better, you could do the talking and I can listen. That sounds pleasant, doesn’t it?”

“No!” Scar shook his head, a little violent. More like an animal than a person. “This isn’t working,” he muttered. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but snapped his mouth shut. Cub waited a moment, but it didn’t look like Scar planned on changing his mind.

“I’d say so. I was looking forward to this, and I must say, I’m a little disappointed. I think you can do better.”

Scar gawked, his expression quickly folding to anger. “This isn’t about you. You- leave me alone!” he hissed, plunging a clawed hand through Cub’s chest. Well, that wasn’t very productive. Darkness edged his vision, promising release very soon. Irritation tugged at the back of Cub’s mind. Had he misjudged their last encounter? Maybe Scar had just been embarrassed. At least he was open to talking today, that was progress! Cub sighed, mourning the loss of the opportunity to use the net he’d brought today. They could have spent far more time together.

Finally, the entire world went dark, Cub’s senses failing until all that was left was his own thoughts.

The first time this happened, Scar’s teeth in his throat was a massive surprise. Well, that’s not entirely true, because the first time this happened Cub was dead before he was even aware Scar was there, but regardless. It was surprising because Scar was not born here. Under normal circumstances, a human visiting would be able to see the ghosts, but not touch them, not unless they were wearing clothes made from the island’s resources. Though, to say Scar was still human may not be completely accurate. On that, Cub still wasn’t certain. He’d have to subdue Scar first to know for sure.

He was certainly human when they had first met. A piece of shit, sure, but human. As far as Cub was aware, Scar only visited the island as a last ditch effort to appease his ghosts, former members of his pirate crew all killed by his hand. He was charming enough, certainly enough for Cub to let him live, which may have been a lapse of judgment on his part, but when someone is so eager to bargain for their life, how could you blame him for humoring the man? It was adorable the way he scrambled to find any sort of power in a place he had none, putting up a confident facade as if Cub couldn’t see right through it. Though he had really wanted Scar in his museum at the time, he couldn’t deny a different opportunity here. Scar wanted to live. Perhaps enough to be a willing participant in his own morbid experiments.

Indeed he was. Though, Cub hadn’t expected Cleo’s panicked message over the walkie a week later that Scar was some amount ‘possessed’ or however she had described it.

Cub hadn’t had any issues with his own body modification, certainly not threats of losing control over his own body. Then again, he was dead and the vex were undead, and Scar was quite alive. Forcibly combining the alive and the dead might have led to some issues, though, Cub never got to properly observe any changes. Or maybe it was that Cub had only used one vex for Scar, and for himself, he’d used multiple, possibly splitting souls and making them weaker? He wasn’t sure. However, he was sure now that Cleo had been right. Every encounter with Scar after that point, though brief, had pointed to the idea he had lost some, or maybe all control over his body.

For starters, after Mumbo, Grian, Impulse, and Pearl joined the ghosts on Hermit Island, Scar had disappeared. Now, the island was big, yes, but Cub found it difficult to believe any human could just vanish without a trace, especially when twenty or so ghosts were searching for him. No, no, Scar had help, Cub was sure of it. Maybe he wasn’t even ‘Scar’ at all after cutting his connection with his ghosts. Unfortunately, while all the other ghosts were looking, Cub had been busy reviving Cleo after an accident, so he hadn’t gotten the chance to help look. But now, at the beginning of the new season, no one else seemed to be interested in finding him anymore.

That might be a good thing.

Impulse had let the ghosts of the island know their history, and given what the old pirate crew had been through, Cub was relatively certain if any other ghost found Scar, he’d be killed. This island was meant to be a safe haven for ghosts like them. No need to risk him coming around and reopening old wounds while the four of them were trying to heal. Cub agreed! He did! He had no intention of letting Scar anywhere near his old crew, but come on, the opportunity to study something like this was so rare .

When Cub was done, he’d make sure to end it. That would be the responsible thing to do, after all. He would do it. He would. Probably.

Cub spent his time as his body regenerated repeating and organizing his thoughts, hoping he could put most of his scattered thoughts into a marginally understandable written form. It was easy at first, before his senses started to recover, but as the world faded back into perception (first sound, then the awareness of his fingertips and his tongue in his mouth, then fuzzy lights that gave way to sight, then-) it became harder to focus. That was expected. As control filtered back into his limbs, he stretched, then made his way for the spare fireworks left at Spawn. It was morning now; not a huge surprise. It must have taken a couple hours for his spirit to wander back to Spawn. Not out of the ordinary for a Scar death. He preferred to stay very out of the way. Oh well. It was time to get back to his starter base before he forgot everything he had learned.

[many-but-one]

Host Change…kind of.

So, another update on what’s going on in our system. I know this is not required and I will only be sharing bare bones information, but it is necessary as the main host is no longer Dorian…sort of. I am Dorian, but not.

So we’ve had a situation come up in our system, and some decisions have been made outside of my own control for the better of the whole, by the “big” gatekeepers, Jade and Aridam. Some things have happened, including serious triggers that were causing some massively fucked up trauma and trauma holders to slip out and get stirred up. As you can imagine this simply will not do.

So our gatekeepers decided, instead, to semi-fuse a part with me. This alter is not one I have met, nor do I know much of anything about him other than he has the ability to “turn off” his ability to feel external changes in temperature, and is massively depressed. Coupled with my depression it has made functioning as a host part nearly impossible. I have continued to do so and am working with my therapist on coping skills. Our system has told me that this will hopefully not be permanent, as Jade specifically has been working to keep integration from happening between me and this part because he very much seems to hold serious trauma memories that I am not allowed access to. It is kind of happening anyway, and from the timeline I’ve been presented, he will remain permanently blended with me until at least March or April. By then I have a feeling we will experience high levels of integration, as things have slipped through already and we have already begun having a singular appearance in the inner world that is different than what I (Dorian) was previously.

This has obviously been devastating. Previously I would have considered myself mildly to moderately depressed and moderately to somewhat highly functional depending on the day. However this depression that I am experiencing now is just…so massive, and it is taking everything out of me. Jade has said, and I quote “We would rather you be on ‘internal suicide watch’ than potentially be triggered severely and cause the system to further destabilize.” Meaning they have a part constantly watching front and ready to yank me out if I do something stupid (I won’t, I am just a sad fuck, not suicidal). It sucks for sure, and I wish I was in a position to complain, but so many parts have sacrificed much more for me, and if I can learn to cope with this depression then I will happily make this very minuscule sacrifice to make sure the inner world doesn’t destabilize like it was. I have had no access to it in a couple of weeks and no communication with anyone except for Deimos and Jade during this time. As far as I am aware there is extreme reorganization happening to prepare for trauma anniversaries approaching, and to keep us as functional as possible. I will do what I can to make this as easy a process for inner parts as possible.

That being said, whether this half fusion is permanent or temporary, I definitely am not the Dorian that I was, and I and the other part have chosen to identify with the name Indigo, or Indie, for short. He/him pronouns. Haven’t quite decided on an emoji for tag purposes but we will figure something out.

That’s all, hope our followers are well in this honestly shit time of year.

Until next time,

-Indie

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Shadow and Bone 2x02 Review

Episode 2, done. Again there will be spoilers in this review so beware, book spoilers with be marked with * before and after so that you can skip over that bit, if you don’t want to see book spoilers don’t read anything between those two * and I suspect I am going to get very bored saying this line by the time I’ve gotten through all 8 episode reviews. But anyway this was another good episode and things are moving along at a good pace so far. A large part of this episode was taken up by the search for the sea whip. We also had a lot of drama going on with the crows, so lets dive in. 

Sturmhond’s Crew and The Sea Whip 

Ok I love Sturmhond and his crew they are just so entertaining to watch and you can see that they’ve all got a really strong bond. But I also really like the dynamic between Alina and Sturmhond. I like that she matched his energy and didn’t just bow down to him or let herself be intimidated by him and that lead to some really great scenes between them. 

One really great scene is when Alina comes to Sturmhond to confront him about changing cause and he picks up that she doesn’t trust him, I do feel like trust was a recurring theme in this episode. Trusting other people but also trusting yourself. As Sturmhond points out Alina, I think largely because of the betrayal she feels over Aleks, is already acting like she has been betrayed, this is likely a defence mechanism on her part and honestly can’t blame her. * Also as much as I appreciate the sentiment about trusting he doesn’t have ulterior motives, us book readers know that he isn’t really being truthful about who he really is and that’s going to suck for Alina later in the season, it certainly isn’t going to help with her trust issues either.* Similar to the scene with Aleks in ep 1 this question of whether Alina truly knows herself comes up. It seems like many characters are going to be questioning her over this, he points out that she doesn’t really understand why she is so valuable to so many people, that its not just about tearing down the fold or because she can summon light its because of that hope she represents, something that she has yet to believe herself. 

Ok I am about to be petty again so malina shippers look away, but I just have to say it Alina and Sturmhond have more chemistry than malina do. I’m sorry its the truth. I mean it still doesn’t match the same level that is darklina but its heaps better than malina. I just think at this point it is kind of embarrassing that the main couple you are supposed to root for is the one with the least amount of chemistry and appeal and that’s out of all of the ships on the show. 

But speaking of Mal I did think his interactions with Sturmhond were really funny, like poor mal felt so put out that Sturmhond wouldn’t even try to remember his name, I mean this is the sun summoner and sun summoner’s guest was kind of funny but I also thought Mal was really funny when he said it wasn’t even a long name to remember. But I also like that towards the end of the episode when he chooses a weapon that Sturmhond approves of that mal earns a bit of his respect and vice versa, they’ve still got a long way to go before they are buddy buddy but I still enjoyed the dynamic they had. 

I don’t know if I would call this a complaint but there was one line in this that made me wary, shall we say, and that is when Alina remarks on how Sturmhond’s crew is made up of both otkazat'sya and grisha and talks about how hey imagine if you combined first and second army. I saw this one coming a mile off, the whole lets unite the two armies rhetoric. Look I am usually all for unity and all that but the problem I have with it here is that thus far the only main first army character we have seen so far is mal. The rest of the time the first army are shown as antagonists to the grisha, they are the ones hunting Aleks and the grisha in the flashback of 1x07 and they are the ones locking grisha in cages currently. So we keep seeing the first army do horrible things to the grisha and then you’ve got alina going hey lets get the grisha to make friends with the first army. I get the sentiment behind it I really do but I also feel like the first army are going to have to put in a lot of work too. I also just know that they are going to use this as a way of showing that Aleks is bad because he didn’t unite the two armies, whilst also completely ignoring the fact that the King also wasn’t rushing to unite the two armies either and that of course Aleks isn’t going to trust the first army considering his past with them. 

But moving on lets talk about the sea whip. It looked as gorgeous as I thought it was going to from the trailers. But it was also alot more vicious than I expected it to be, though thinking about it more I don’t know why, maybe it was because of how calm and peaceful the stag seemed to be. But the Sea Whip was definitely playing with them and it did kill at least two people. Eventually it attacking mal does lead to Alina killing it and it is kind of ironic that Alina has this whole, we don’t need to kill the amplifiers to get there power thing going on and yet she has caused the death of two amplifiers now because she was protecting mal. *But I do suspect that they might be doing the whole you don’t have to kill an amplifier to get its power because of that plot twist with the third amplifier.* 

The scene when Alina takes the amplifier was stunning and loved how her powers looked and how you kind of hand that steady glow that was similar to the Stag but then there were these wisps of golden light that were slithering like the Sea Serpent. It just looked visually spectacular. I also loved how joyous Alina looked, she looked almost drunk on the power. I also thought it was interesting how the scene where the amplifier is being put on her was intercut with scenes of the darkling and that hot poker trying to heal the wound on his hand from the stag and then mal through the eyes of the sea whip. I definitely think this is foreshadowing, book readers will know.   

The Crows 

So much was going on with the crows this episode. We got more flashbacks of Kaz’s backstory and it turns out I was right in my previous review the older boy in the flashbacks is Kaz’s older brother. It looks like the connection to Rollins is that he offered them some kind of job which I am going to assume was actually a scam of some kind. I also do wonder if it is linked to the plague cemetery that the crows use as a meeting point as in ep 1 we did see what look like some kind of disease and now I am even more worried about Kaz’s brother. I am wondering if the job Rollins offers them somehow gets them exposed to the plague and his brother dies and that’s why Kaz wants to get revenge on Rollins so badly. 

As I mentioned before, trust is a theme that comes up a few times in this episode and this can be seen within the crows too. The crows seem to be struggling to trust Kaz because of how secretive he is being. It also seems like Kaz is struggling to completely open and trust the other crows. I really loved the scene on the rooftop between Kaz and Inej when she pushes to tell her his story with Rollins. It was interesting when he talked about secrecy being about survival and I do think on some level this is relatable. I mean I guess that is why people keep secrets, to protect themselves or others they love. But I also like what Inej said about trust being the opposite of secrecy, it was basically her saying he could trust her and she’d be there when he was ready to open up, at least that’s how I read it.  

I love Wylan, just wanted to point that out. I also really want to know the story of his connection with Jesper because they clearly have met before. Also maybe its my dirty mind get in the way here, but the fact that Jesper suddenly recalled that he had met Wylan before whilst lying on top of him, I mean, did these guys like sleep together at some point in the past? Or am I just reading too much into that. But it would explain why Wylan seemed kind of infatuated with Jesper in ep 1. Either way they do have some really good chemistry and I really so think these guys may have a romantic plot line this season. 

Speaking of couples I have to talk about Nina and Matthias because they are breaking my heart right now. I mean poor Matthias is locked up in hellgate. But there was that, well I don’t know what it was but it seemed like a flashback and it was a really steamy moment between him and Nina. Honestly my immediate reaction was hey up when did this happen? Which made me wonder if it was just him fantasising about Nina in that moment. But what makes me doubt it was just a fantasy is that right before the steamy scene Matthias’ cellmate says that their god will forgive his sins, then it shows the possible flashback, and then Matthias says the god could never forgive his sins. We also know from season 1 that Fjerdans have very different views on intimacy between a man and a woman and how its reserved for marriage so if he really did sleep with Nina offscreen in season 1 then his culture and upbringing could be resulting in him feeling some guilt about his relationship with Nina, especially as at the moment he believes she tricked and betrayed him. 

As for Nina she too is struggling with feelings of guilt and she is also thinking about Matthias but her guilt is wrapped up in the part she played in getting him sent to Hellgate and its clear that she is desperate to get him back and that really does tug at my heartstrings. 

The crows do get hit with some blows this episode and it is another one of those situations where their plan just does not go according to plan and yet somehow they still work their way out of it. The guy that Rollins sent after Inej, the Taxidermic, was really creepy, somehow I think we might end up seeing him again. I loved the scene where Jesper had a shoot out with Rollins guys, those gun tricks just look so cool. But once again I am very curious to see what their next steps are going to be but also what Rollins is going to do next. 

Aleksander and Darklina. 

So we got another dream, mind scene between darklina this episode and once again it was really great. They just have so much tension and angst in their scenes together and even when they are angry with each other they still have chemistry and sexual tension between them. 

I’ve said it before but darklina have this dynamic where even when they are arguing they are still communicating and I do think Aleks was spitting out some truths in this scene that Alina didn’t want to hear. He points out that she may think that she has found a family and love with Mal but that it will all fade away because mal will grow old but Alina will only grow more powerful. I do have to keep reminding myself that whilst as the audience we know Aleks’ past Alina does not. So when Aleks talks about knowing how she feels when she’s with Mal, Alina scoffs and I do think this is again a defence mechanism, she doesn’t want to believe that Aleks is capable of love or that he could love her because that would make things too complicated. There was a time when she thought he felt those things for her and she felt them for him, where she thought she might have found that family and future with him, she says it herself in 1x07, ‘we could have had this, all of it.’ But now she feels betrayed and hurt by him so it is easier to imagine that he is someone who is incapable of love. It make sit easy to make him her villain. 

I do think that when Aleks begins to describe the loneliness and the weight of their immortality, the ache that comes with it, that it strikes a nerve with Alina because deep down, despite her denying it, she does know exactly what he is talking about. I do think that Aleks feels very frustrated by Alina’s naivety because he has already experienced everything he is warning her about and despite his anger at her I also do think some part of him still cares about her and he can see that her denial will only lead to her getting hurt in the same way he was. 

Alina however is vey much in denial and she want’s to make it clear to him that they are not the same, that she doesn’t want to be like him, but at the same time I don’t think she can completely deny the truth, which is that she is more like him than she wants to admit. I said in last ep review that when she came to the mind palace in her blue kefta it might have been an act of defiance on her part to not wear his colours. Well in this one she is wearing the black kefta but she decides to take it off and this moment is really interesting because all though she is making a statement and saying I’m not like you and I won’t wear your colour again, she has to turn her back to him before taking it off, like she can’t look at him as she does it, and Aleks too has to look away and you can see that it is hurtful to him that she is doing this. What also interests me about it is that I’ve talked in the past about this metaphor of shredding their kefta, like Aleks does in 1x04 and how they come to each other without their keftas in their nightclothes and how this symbolises them shedding their armour in a way and how they usually have very open and vulnerable scenes. Well its the same here after she takes off the Kefta Aleks goes on this rant where he’s just letting all his feelings pour out, similar to that war room scene in ep 4, he talks about how he’s had to change his identity over and over and watch loved ones die from sickness, desperation, hate and time itself. This is what makes Aleks such a sympathetic character because of moments like this, you can’t help but feel bad for him, he’s been through so much pain and suffering. Ben also does a phenomenal job in these scenes and is so good at bringing that vulnerable side to the character and that humanity. You can see when he is giving this rant that Alina is feeling complicated feelings, its clear she hates to see his pain, you see her look away, but she also doesn't want to feel sympathy for him or care for him so she pushes it down and hides it behind her anger. What is interesting is next she kind of mocks him a bit, asking if that’s how he justifies his actions, her tone when talking about his loneliness and open wound is very mocking. But despite her mocking she still seems drawn towards him and moves closer. It’s like she is saying one thing but her body is communicating something else entirely.

Aleks doesn’t back down from this kind of challenge Alina is making and instead also moves closer until once again there is zero personal space between these guys. When he calls her ‘my Alina’ this does get a reaction out of her and she has to look away but as is par for the course with darklina she can’t keep her eyes from his for long. Throughout this whole scene I did wonder if Alina had figured out yet that Aleks was still alive but from the way she says ‘you’re already dead’ its made clear that she hasn’t so I’m guessing she thinks she’s just dreaming these conversations between them. 

Another subject that comes up in this conversation between them is this idea of the past being an open wound and Alina saying Aleks’ past is the cause of all ruin. In a way she is kind of right but unlike the audience she thinks his past was him deliberately creating the fold whereas we know the wound that won’t close is him and his people being hunted, Luda getting killed and him accidently creating the fold. Its his trauma from the past though that has made him the way he is now and why he is so desperate to safe the grisha at any cost.

This idea of a wound that won’t heal those is carried over into Aleks reality as he literally has wounds that won’t heal. Despite Genya trying the wounds left by the volcra and the stag antler won’t heal completely. It is obvious that he is in alot of pain as well and that the nichevo’ya are having a direct effect on his wellbeing. We see him go to a alchemist grisha looking for a cure for a splitting pain in his head and that alchemist suggests that they only thing that can heal merzost is more merzost. This leads to Aleks going and getting morozova’s journal and it is revealed that he has also hidden his mother in a cave, honestly that scene with baghra was funny the way she tsks him and pretty much tells him he looks like crap, but also what was with that smile Aleks gave after Baghra said he had kept her locked up there for weeks? He looked so damned pleased with himself. I am calling it now though Baghra is so totally stealing that journal and taking it to Alina.     

Anyway that’s another review done onto the next episode! 

Favourite lines of the episode. 

‘The past informs everything, its the wound that will not heal.’ 

‘Trust is the other side of secrecy.’ 

‘You’re not just sunshine, sunshine. You’re hope for the future.’ 

[strangeswift]

My Stream of Consciousness Rant About the Redeemabilty of Karen Wheeler (and Jonathan Byers)

I want to like Karen Wheeler so bad because after rewatching season one, I genuinely believe she is a good mother. I never thought she was a bad mother, but a lot of fanfics portray her as emotionally distant, but she's really not? She's a good mom to Mike and Nancy, she's there for them, she listens. And I would defend her to the ends of the earth, if it weren't for the B*lly thing...

I could forgive her cheating on Ted, obviously not good but forgivable. Ted sucks. But the fact that she was going to hook up with a high schooler... not good. And then my brain goes well he initiated it, and all the other moms were thirsting over him too, and he's a peice of shit, and he used a bunch of girls for sex, and she didn't even do it anyway. But like... does any of that really absolve her of wanting to sleep with a high schooler? I don't think it does.

At first I kind of liked the storyline, because I thought it added insight into her being unhappy in her marriage and showed how the perfect happy housewife facade truly is just a facade. Plus just some juicy drama. So an almost-adultery storyline I am all for. It's the doing it with a high schooler part that gets me.

But also... During season one I thought I would never forgive Jonathan for taking those pictures of Nancy, and I definitely have. He's one of my favorite characters. But honestly I still have some cognitive dissonance with that. He's just such a genuinely good person in every other aspect, but he still did that.

I wish they would have at least had Nancy make a bigger deal about it. Rather than having her coyly ask, "What was I saying? When you took my picture?" And give Jonathan the opportunity for an actual apology rather than a, "I shouldn't have done that." Yeah, no shit. You shouldn't have.

And not only does Nancy forgive him almost immediately, but Steve forgives him pretty damn quickly too! That seems so unrealistic to me. Honestly if someone did that to my girlfriend they'd be dead to me. And though Steve doesn’t like Jonathan, at the end of the season and at the beginning of season 2, he's civil to him and he's more or less okay with Nancy being his friend.

I just don't understand how we just push that whole thing under the rug so easily. Not saying it's irredeemable, but it feels like he doesn't even get a redemption arc because he's framed as the underdog hero through the whole thing anyway, completely ignoring just how fucked up his actions were. And the fact that the Duffers went back and edited the scene makes me think they see it as a problem too. Except editing that scene doesn't do shit because you still see the photos of her changing in the scene where Steve breaks the camera.

But also, characters are meant to have flaws just like real people and it's up to the viewer where they draw the line on which actions are irredeemable and which they can move past. I guess I just am struggling with where that line is for me. As I said, I've more or less forgiven Jonathan. I'm struggling with Karen right now.

I feel like it's easy to forgive characters who get redemption that is directly related to whatever their previous wrongdoing was.

For example: Steve calls Jonathan a queer during their fight showing that he is probably homophobic, but then we get Robin's coming out scene where he is immediately accepting.

Another example: Mike tells Will "It's not my fault you don't like girls" (Because he was projecting but I won't get into that) but he immediately bikes over to apologize, and Will later says that Mike makes him feel like he's not a mistake and he's better for being different. (Read: gay)

So as I said I guess I'm just reflecting on whether Karen is a redeemable character for me personally. Which led to a tangent about how I'm pissed at the Duffers for how the Jonathan thing was handled. I would love to hear any thoughts anyone has. This was very stream of consciousness and I didn't do any research or anything just thoughts from my silly silly mind.

[yes-i-have-thoughts]

Ink Blot Thoughts: Sarah Edition

Thatcher

More Thatcher

Jonah

Back by no demand whatsoever: my thoughts on a random TMC character that my autistic brain decided to rot about!

This time my target is Mark’s younger sister, Sarah; and BOY do I have thoughts on this woman

(Quick TW for mentions of gvns, kn!ves and canon events.)

She’s got probably the smallest role in the cast, aside from maybe Dave; but I have a feeling that’s about to change. I was talking to a friend last week about her potential involvement in the storyline and I honestly believe that the storyline will end with her, if not Cesar and her. Apparently Cesar’s still alive, so you never know, maybe he wouldn’t have found out about what happened to Mark until he got back in contact with his spitfire younger sister.

Sarah’s not afraid of calling people out on their bullshit and holding them accountable, whether they want to hear it or not-but she’s not cruel. Yeah, she gave Adam what for during the call we heard and messaged him something that was a below-the-belt blow, but her second call to him was more worried than anything. She’s not the fanon leader of the BPS for no reason. Even in source, she has a take-charge attitude and the heart and soul to back it up.

It seems the Heathcliff family in general seem to have big hearts. Or at least the younger ones...

Adding on to that somewhat, Sarah’s gonna be a fighter. Mark my words on this, she will not go down without a fight--if she goes down at all. And if we’re right and Volume 6 or an in-between bit will involve her and someone else facing off against an alternate, she’s going to do some damage. She might not have a gun, but knives might work and I wouldn’t put it past her to try it. If Thatcher doesn’t bring one of the creatures down then she’ll be the one to figure it out.

Or, alternatively, she’ll scare one into doing her bidding. We haven’t seen them react to much beyond gloating but if getting shot is enough to make one back off, getting wounded and likely viciously threatened by a furious woman will likely make one think twice.

Or maybe I’m just too hopeful.

I’ve said earlier that the prospect of her teaming up with Thatcher was most likely on the table, and as time goes by I’m mostly made more sure of it. We have no idea her relationship with Thatcher other than the fact she hates him (more the MCPD, but mostly him) and at least briefly picked up the habit of giving him Hell for an unknown amount of time. Why did she do that, anyway? Was that the year she was made aware of what happened to her brother and started taking it out on him? Is she still doing it, or did she eventually have to drop it?

Anywho; the idea of her teaming up with the wet cat may be pretty likely. And I’m looking foreword to see what comes out of that, if anything at all.

[acourtofthought]

When do think is the best time for Sarah and Bloomsbury to announce who the next couple will be?

It feels like it’s doing more harm than good for them to keep so quiet about anything ACOTAR 5 related. My concern is that the longer they wait to make things official, the more toxic those who think they are entitled to their ship being canon will be (if that makes sense).

I’m a firm Elucien and Gwynriel shipper, and honestly if it turns out that she’s planning to go the El/riel and Vassien route then I just won’t read the books and will move on with my life. I’ll probably read some Gwynriel or Elucien review of the books to see what they think, but other than that I don’t plan to let it affect me.

However, I do fear some of the more toxic El/riel’s harassing Sarah and Bloomsbury if their ship isn’t canon. I don’t think any author deserves that kind of toxicity when it’s their imagination and their characters. Sarah doesn’t owe anything to anyone. She’s telling stories that are in her heart and asking people to come along for the journey (though I strongly believe that the current journey will end with Gwynriel and Elucien being canon). Nobody has to agree with everything she writes, that’s fine. But she shouldn’t be bullied for not making a certain ship canon.

Anyway, I hope we get CC3 in August and an actual update on ACOTAR 5, and not the same generic answers we’ve been getting 😅

This is a bit tricky for me to answer because I struggle with separating my wants with what is typically best for writers and publishers.

I would prefer all the answers immediately 😂. I hate the feeling of uncertainty and spending so much time hoping for something only to realize that it may not happen in the end. I'd rather just know so I can accept how things are going to be and move on.

And I don't think the sales of the book are going to be hurt with announcing the endgame couples. Everyone knew Nessian was a certainty yet SF still did amazing with sales and won awards.

If anything, I think that because the ship war has become such a disturbing beast, it would be better to at least announce whether Elriel or Elucien was happening or not. If it's announced too close to the books release date you might have some fans, for who the hurt is too recent, who choose not to buy the book out of anger.

However, if it's announced well in advance, even the disgruntled fans might have time cool down and reconsider other ships in order to Kickstart their interest again.

If SJM truly doesn't know for fact who is endgame and truly hasn't written the book then I understand why she's holding off. That would surprise me because of how many interviews she gave years ago indicating she had everything ready to go for the next book, it was all in her head and she was ready to just get it down on paper but maybe things changed.

And they do say even bad publicity is publicity so maybe the publishers enjoy the ship wars going on because it keeps the books on everyone's minds and in their discussions.

Normally I'd understand that mentality except some things happening in the fandom have surpassed "bad publicity" and entered dangerous territory with the death threats and harassment of artists.

I think because the ship wars have started creating stress to the point that some artists, bloggers, etc had have to take a step back from the fandom because of the way they've been treated by bullies, it would be a better move to make the announcement sooner rather than later. But that's coming from an emotional perspective and at the end of the day, publishing companies tend to focus on the business aspect. Which makes me sad for the ones of us who are really desperate to know once and for all.

[ciaossu-imagines]

hello! if you’re still taking requests, can i please ask for smutty hcs of my fave homra boy, akagi shouhei? he needs more love 🥺 ty in advance! -shoheiakagi

I am always taking requests! Especially love this ask too, because we both know that all of HOMRA’s alphabet boys need so much more love than they get! I hope these headcanons are acceptable and that you enoy!

Okay, so let’s start with the basics of what we’re even working with for Shouhei. The man radiates big dick energy but I honestly don’t think he’s hung like a horse or anything. He’s actually fairly average, maybe even a bit on the shorter end of things, just a little over five and a half inches long. However, he’s got one of those nice, thick cocks, the ones that will stretch you out. He’s not a grower, what you see is what you get, pretty much and he’s circumcised. The tip of his cock gets a really pinkish red tinge to it when he gets turned on and it curves slightly upwards.

Shouhei actually does pay attention to his grooming. He’s not into body hair and I actually think he shaves a lot of his body hair off because he just feels uncomfortable with it. He’s pretty groomed and prefers to shave his pubic hair completely off whenever possible and will at least keep it trimmed and neat when he doesn’t have the time to fully remove it.

Sex is not going to be a super serious thing with Shouhei. Sex is meant to be fun, in his opinion, and he will be goofy at times, cracking a joke here or there or laughing because something just feels so good and he’s having fun. He’s quick to make light of or laugh off any embarrassing sounds or incidents, like someone accidentally farting or maybe him and his lover got a little too into it and one of them took a tumble off the bed in the midst of changing up positions.

He always smiles so happily that moment he first slips inside of his lover, even if it’s far from the first time they’ve had sex. That feeling just never gets old.

Shouhei’s really rather responsible sexually. He does make sure his partners are STD free and always uses condoms. That being said, he’s got a pretty big creampie fetish that he really would love to explore. He doesn’t want children, not at the moment anyway, but he’s really into the idea of going in raw and using his partner as a cumdump.

I feel like Shouhei can’t cum just from imagination alone and, when masturbating, he needs some sort of external stimuli, whether it be porn or JOI audio.

He's pretty casual in his attitude towards sex and he's perfectly okay with one night stands, though he doesn't do them often, and actually would enjoy a friends with benefits type of situation though it definitely has to have that friend component.

He looks sweet and innocent but fuck, does he pull some of the dirtiest, nastiest, sexiest dirty talk. And he does it all with that cute smile on his face like he's just casually talking about something mundane instead of telling you how much he loves the taste of your cum and how he plans on eating your pretty little pussy until you've soaked his entire face and all he can smell or taste is you.