#hopefully i grow less confused as time goes on

[hjparisian]

make a wish- harry j potter x reader

p: harry j potter x reader (she/her pronouns) w: kinda deep, mainly fluffy, not proof read summary: it's (y/n)'s birthday but it doesn't feel like it. she doesn't want to celebrate it as it is a reminder that she's growing up and is getting older. boyfriend harry (and the rest of her friends) are determined to remind her it's still a special day. a/n: its my birthday today and this is based on my own feelings of getting older. sorry for not actively posting as much, i haven't had much motivation but will hopefully get back soon as i have so much planned out including a harry x reader book for a different platform

It was a special day, and no, not Christmas. It was (Y/N)'s birthday. But to (Y/N), it just felt like any other day. As the years keep going by, her birthday just felt less special. With the end of the school year slowly coming, (Y/N) realized that her youth is slipping away, nearing the stages of adulthood but not feeling prepared.

(Y/N) walked into the Great Hall for breakfast, fellow students wishing her a happy birthday as she walked towards the Gryffindor table where she'd eat with the rest of her friends. She began piling some fruit onto her plate when she saw Hermione and Ron sit down in front of her.

"Happy birthday (Y/N)" the two said to her. "I can't believe you're getting older," Ron points out

"Thank you," she said with a sour smile. "Where's Harry?" She asks wanting to divert from the reminder that she's another year older as well as wondering where her boyfriend is.

"He's still getting ready, he overslept a bit," Hermione told the girl.

Right after she said that, the subject in question rushed over to the group, taking a seat next to the birthday girl.

"Sorry I'm a bit late," Harry told his friends as he piles food on his plate. He looks over to his lovely girlfriend and kisses her cheek. "Happy birthday love!"

"Thank you Harry," (Y/N) says.

"How does it feel to be another year older?" asks Harry. "Are you planning on doing something big today? Fred and George could probably get food over to the common room and we can have a big party for you?"

As interesting as it sounds to (Y/N), she really had no plans. The day no longer felt special now that she's getting closer to adulthood. What was the point of celebrating something that no longer makes her excited?

Losing her appetite from these thoughts, she decided to leave, wanting some alone time. "I think don't wanna do anything. I should go now, I need to grab something from my dorm." She quickly left the hall, leaving her half filled plate behind.

Ron looks at her fading figure, slightly confused. "That's kind of odd," he points out. "Is she okay?"

"I hope so," Hermione says. "But she usually isn't like this. She was so excited last year. I'm worried."

Harry was worried too. He always wanted to ensure the happiness of his lover. He had to find out what was clouding (Y/N)'s mind and try to cheer her up.

"What if we throw her a surprise party?" Ron says. "Everyone likes surprises."

"Not everyone enjoys surprises, Ronald," Hermione huffs out. "It isn't a bad idea though. And like Harry said, we can use the twins help. We can invite her friends to the Gryffindor common room. What do you think Harry?"

"It's not a bad idea. But I want to check on her to see if she's alright," He says.

"Well you're going to have to wait until later. Class is going to start soon," Hermione said.

Unfortunately Harry had to wait til after classes to have a proper chat with (Y/N) since all the classes they had together decided to be busy so there was no time for them to chat. Didn't help that in half of them they don't even sit by each other.

The moment classes ended, Harry went to find (Y/N), dragging her to his dorm.

"Harry where are we going?"

"My dorm."

Harry opens the door to his shared room, closing it behind (Y/N). He drops his stuff beside his bed and goes over to his girlfriend and gives her the biggest hug, which she returns.

"Are you okay love? You don't seem excited today." He hears her sigh, cracking open her true emotions. He brings her to his bed to lay down, wrapping his arms around her as she lays her head on his shoulder.

(Y/N) began to speak."I don't know, its just, its kinda of dumb."

"Whatever you're feeling is not dumb (Y/N)," Harry tells her.

(Y/N) could feel the tears trying to build up in her eyes. "Well my birthday just doesn't feel special anymore, it just feels like another day. I feel like it's just a reminder that I'm almost an adult now and I have to start figuring my life out. Graduation is coming closer and closer and after that, we're all going to go chase our dreams and who knows if we will be in contact. I just wish we were still first years exploring Hogwarts for the first time. I miss being a little kid and having no worries. I'm not ready to get older Harry."

Harry shifts his body to face her, and giving her a kiss on her lips before responding.

"(Y/N), it's okay to feel like this. What you're feeling is completely valid. Growing up is scary, but it means new experiences to try. We still have a lot of time. You don't need to grow up yet and you don't have to have your life situated right now. Sirius told me to live in the present. If we spent too much time worrying about the future we will forget to live in the moment." Harry pauses for a second. "I promise you that we will all still be in contact together. Hermione and Ron could never forget you. I could never forget you. If anything, Ron and I already planned to get houses right next to each other so we will always be together."

Harry leans over and opens his bedside table, pulling out a small box and hands it to (Y/N).

"This is one of your gifts. Open it," Harry tells her.

(Y/N) removes the wrapping and opens up the small box. Inside it was a ring. It was simple, but it was beautiful. She puts it on her ring finger. It was a perfect fit.

"It's a promise ring," said Harry. "To prove that I will always be right by your side. That I promise to love and take care of you even after Hogwarts. I see a future with us (Y/N), and I don't plan on letting go of you."

The tears in (Y/N)'s eyes filled up again, but for a happier reason. She wrapped her arms around Harry's neck and pulled him into a big kiss.

"I love you so much Harry," She tells him. "You're the most amazing person ever."

Harry smiles at her. "I love you too (Y/N). Don't make your self grow up yet. You're perfect just how you are."

(Y/N) smiles back at Harry. The one man who validated her feelings, telling her it's okay to feel what she feels, who comforted her. Birthdays don't have to be a reminder that she's getting old, rather, it should be a day to celebrate life. She doesn't have to force herself to be an adult yet. Will these thoughts continue to plague her head from time to time? Yes, but it will all be okay. She just has to remind herself to live in the moment and enjoy life.

"So," (Y/N) began. "You said this was one of my presents. What about the other?"

"Oh we'll come back right here for it." Harry winks at (Y/N) causing her to blush. "But first, there's something else waiting for you." Harry takes (Y/N)'s hand and brings her out the dorm.

"Gonna need you to close your eyes," Harry tells her.

"Why?"

"Just do it. Please? I promise I won't let you trip and fall."

(Y/N) closed her eyes. Harry held her hand as he guided her down the stairs to the common room.

"Alright, you can open your eyes now love."

As (Y/N) opened her eyes, she sees a bunch of people jumping out from behind furniture.

"SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY (Y/N)!"

The common room was decorated in streamers and confetti. A sign hanged in the middle of one of the walls saying "Happy Birthday (Y/N)!" All of her friends from every house was here, to celebrate her.

Hermione and Ron came up to her and gave her a hug. Fred and George were right behind them with a big cake with candles.

"Make a wish!" The twins said.

(Y/N) thought for a moment. I wish to just enjoy my life with the people I love the most.

She blows out her candles, everyone cheering.

"What did you wish for?!" Someone in the crowd asks.

(Y/N) chuckles before letting her answer slip. "This!"

Fred and George helped pass pieces of the cake around. Harry went closer to (Y/N), placing his arm around her waist and gave her a kiss.

"Happy birthday (Y/N)."

[writefulclown]

which OM boys would let you shave them

includes: the brothers, dia, barb, simeon, solomon implied relationships, but can probably be read as just them having a crush on you this is also assuming that they,, grow,, body hair,,?

it's one of those rare moments when you're alone with him and you decide to use it to finally ask a question that's been floating around in your mind for a while. "can i shave you?"

lucifer

uhhhhh

if you have the balls to ask him he'll probably look at you like you're stupid

no, you can't shave him.

are you kidding?

the only way you could ever shave any part of him is if he's in a coma and unable to do it himself.

mammon

?????????!!!!!!!!!!

god, you're so weird....

he'll sputter and yell, telling you that's the dumbest thing you've ever asked him

but if you ask him again, extra nicely, he'll fold

with enough persuasion he'll let you shave anything

though he'll be blushing furiously the entire time

leviathan

stares at you, completely unblinking, eyes wide and threatening

you can hear the gears in his brain turning

at some point he starts sounding like an overheating computer

all the while his face has been getting progressively more red

once he reaches peak flustered, he seems to completely shut down

you'll never get an answer from him, nor can you move him for the entire rest of the day

satan

his initial reaction is similar to lucifer, though way less judgmental

why?

"it seems fun" is a good enough explanation for him

however, depending on his mood, you might need to wait a bit for him to actually let you do it

but he would definitely agree

eventually

asmodeus

my, my, how cute you are! of course he'll let you!

he prefers waxing, but ultimately lets you decide which you want to do

though you'll have to wait a couple days for there to be any hair to shave or wax

a bit too giddy about the whole thing

will also pester you about returning the favor

if you really don't want him to shave/wax you, he'll let it go just as fast as he agreed to let you do so to him

beelzebub

huh? oh, sure.

you have to gather a lot of snacks to keep him in place for long enough, but other than that he's an angel

occasionally asks if you need help

he doesn't know what with, but he just wants to let you know that he's ready to help

he agreed without any hassle and that's how the entire process goes as well

he's very sweet :(

belphegor

asks if you can give him a fade on his legs

or stripes or even just like.. landing strips but down the fronts of his legs

if yes, he would definitely just be walking around like that til it grew back

if no, he'd probably still let you shave him, but on the condition that he gets to sleep the entire time

you will have to flip him around and position him all on your own

he will not help you at. all.

if you're okay with doing that much work, go for it

diavolo

takes a bit to process what you've just asked him

it's an odd question, give him a moment

he'll let you shave his face? is that what you meant? hopefully

thinks it's a very fun activity

you're now forced to shave him at least weekly just because he enjoys the intimacy

barbatos

he laughs cause he genuinely thinks you're joking

you're not?

oh

no.

you can't shave him.

he's terribly sorry, but he simply can not put himself in that position.

but, as you should know, he'd be more than happy to shave you.

though he said it in a way that seemed vaguely threatening......

simeon

very... unsure...

did he hear you right?

he.. supposes... he could let you... shave him....?

but he seems so confused

you feel too bad and decide to leave him and his hair alone

if you wouldn't leave him alone, go away

your question would haunt him for a while though

so eventually he'll tell you that he's up for it

then you can shave him

but be. fucking. gentle.

solomon

yeah

he'd probably tease you about it for an annoyingly long time, but yeah

it'll cost you all of your patience and possibly even sanity

he'd only let you do it once though (not like you'd want to do it another time after the absolute torture you had to endure)

make it count.

[cabinofimagines]

Could you write a dating headcanon for Anubis in Kane Chronicles?

So this is probably not what you wanted. I could explain why I did these headcanons like this (and it is not that I don't like the character, if anything I do! (If I headcanon his manic pixie dream boy image that we get from Sadie's POV away)). I will leave a short rant at the bottom of the fic, for those interested :)

WC: 650 Warnings: mentions of death and dying

-Asnyox

Dating Anubis Headcanons

-What you and Anubis have is not really a “relationship” by mortal standards. Anubis is not allowed to be romantically involved with humans, unless he takes a host. Hence, why this relationship is rather tragic. 

-He doesn’t understand human traditions, and hardly gets past “normal” behavior. He thinks it is cute how you solve things, and how you behave. He finds you intriguing, therefore he seeks you out every now and then.

-You will have to explain holidays to him, and parties. You will need to tell him why he cannot suddenly show up at your house at night, when your parents are in the room next door. He tends to tilt his head when he is confused by your rambles, but there is always an affectionate smile on his face. 

-Be prepared for him to be gone for weeks on end. He gets in trouble if he grows too attached to you, and tries to avoid raising suspicions from the other gods. He does not want to be banned from seeing you, but the real question is on how long he can keep this up. They are bound to notice the small changes in his behavior (he seems happier lately, less moody). 

-He doesn’t realize how much he cares about you, until he sees that you are in danger. This need to protect you surges over him, and he basically growls as he saves you, quickly removing you from the situation. After he quickly scans you for injuries, he excuses himself and immediately goes away. He does not come back for a month, because he is trying to settle his feelings. But this just makes him grow fonder of the idea of being close to you, and he gives up denying himself time with you. 

-This is when he becomes really aware of the dangers that seeking you out pose. Not only can he be banned from seeing you, but it can also put some kind of target on your back. He wouldn’t know who would dare to challenging him but there might be a stupid magician out there who could try to use you as blackmail.  -If this results in you actively seeking him out, he will only turn more and more sour towards you. You are a fool for even talking to him. He tells you to stop, to live your mortal life without worrying about him. He is a god and he can take care of himself. If you are too stubborn, you can be sure you won’t see him again for the rest of your mortal life. 

-He might sometimes get jealous of your mortal life, when you talk excitedly about it. It’s not like he cannot take a mortal host, but he knows it will not be the same. Will he be with you, or his host? Will he be able to reach a balance with the host, or will it only bring problems? There are many doubts, and Anubis does not enjoy those, for uncertainties only brings more complications. He doesn’t want to complicate your life any further.  

-Anubis holds hope though- that one day, maybe after you die but hopefully sooner, he can become your significant other. It’s a guilty pleasure of his, to think about having you around all the time, to hold you close and to traverse your world. He is not heartless, he simply fears for the worst and does not understand that he might have eternity to figure things out, while your mortal years are going by fast.

-And if you were to hold onto him, or the concept of him even when he refuses to see you, if you keep asking for his attention, begging for him to love you, his guilt will force him to erase himself from your life. He will look at you from far away, protecting you silently if he needs to, but he never meant for you to get attached to him, not like this. He is a god, and he cannot physically be with you, but once upon a dream you can converse with him. Lay yourself bare, as he gets crushed by his mistakes.

Explanation, in short: it is canon that Anubis, the god, is not able to have a romantic relationship with a mortal. And given that this was not labeled Poly! Walt & Anubis (Because i think that is the best description i can give ig) I figured you meant just the god, which means it is a doomed relationship. Anubis, for one, believes in human agency and wouldn't just force a vessel because he likes a human. Anyways, that was a little rant.

[friendsoup]

Hello, may I request dikke helping her gf out during her period while she has unbearable cramps pls? Have a nice day/night☆

Acts of Service

Recipe: Romantic fluff, tooth rotting sweetness, Dikke x reader, fem!reader, Reader is referred to as Dove and M'lady, Dikke's love language is acts of service, Miscommunication due to cultural differences WC: 1,346 Chef's Note: This is the third time I'm writing this today... Hopefully this works! This was all self-indulgent bc I was in a lot of pain last night. Might be a bit ooc.

“M’lady, are you around? You were absent from the suitcase’s daily activities…” Dikke called, knocking on your door. You groaned. She was right, you had avoided your daily routine today, something which you were usually rigorous with. Though it wasn’t as though you were without reason! It just so happened that last night, your period had begun. And it was something fierce. You didn’t know exactly where to go with your troubles. Despite the suitcase being full of mostly women, no one discussed things such as periods. You were sure that if it came to it, you could scrounge around for a tampon or pad, but you hadn’t expected them to get this painful. You could hardly move, squirming around on your bed in pain. You were certain your sheets would be stained red forever, and you’d feel soiled for the rest of your life. “M’lady?” Dikke asked, her voice growing panicked. Before you began dating Dikke, you had seen her as someone to stay cool under all types of pressure. Which was true, for the most part. However, when it came to you, her composure seemed to crumble. Perhaps it was insecurity, or maybe she was less composed than you originally thought. Whatever it was, you didn’t want to make her more worried. “Don’t come in.” You called back. You were a mess, you were certain of it. You didn’t want Dikke to see you all sweaty and gross. “I’m fine. Just stay out there.” The pain in your voice was obvious, but Dikke tended to be on the more oblivious side. You hoped she’d take your word for it. “M’lady. Need I remind you my thoughts on liars?” Her voice was cold, but only for a moment. “If you require assistance, please let me in. Allow me to aid you.” The shift was quick, but noticeable. She sounded so desperate, it made your heart twist. “Fine.” You muttered, flipping yourself over so you could face the door. “Come in.”

Dikke opened the door slowly, keeping her gaze to the ground. She knew you were hesitant, and didn’t want to overwhelm you by barging in, though she truly wanted to. Upon seeing you in bed, her eyebrows drew together in quiet confusion. “M’lady. Are you sick?” She asked, kneeling by your bedside. “No. I mean, yes? I’m on the rag.” You admit. Dikke blinks, your words completely missing their mark. “I mean, my Aunt Flo is here.” You try again. Once more, her gaze goes right through you. “I’m on my period?” Perhaps being a bit more direct will work? She narrows her eyes, attempting to make sense of your words. “I’m menstruating.” You put bluntly. That seemed to do the trick. Dikke closed her eyes and nodded. “I see. That is why you isolated yourself.” Dikke gently placed her hand on your forehead, pushing hair out of your face. Her skin felt cool against your own. “I may not know the modern remedies for such a thing, as I imagine they have changed greatly between our times, but I will aid you the best I can.” You smile at her words. “That’s lovely, sweetheart.” The fact that she’s so eager to help warms your heart. “First, we must get you clean.” Dikke nods to herself, “I will run a warm bath with healing herbs.” Before you can object, she stands and runs off. You blink at the space she once inhabited, feeling a bit worried. What was she going to put in your bath? As much as you loved her, you knew that medieval medicine was not as accurate as today’s (or tomorrow’s?) science. You stayed in silence, with nothing but your pains to keep you company. It hurt greatly, but there was nothing you could do at the moment to stop it. Luckily, she arrived back shortly. “Your bath is ready, M’lady.” She announced, hovering over you again. “Dikke, I’m sure the bath is lovely, but I don’t really want to walk anywhere.” You protested meekly. “You think I’d make an ill woman walk?” Dikke scoffed, scooping you up in her arms. You felt so small in them, her strong arms wrapped around you. You put your head on her chest, feeling her heartbeat quicken beneath her armor. As you glanced up, you saw a hint of blush on her cheeks. “Now, let’s be off.” She quickly spoke, carrying you to the bathroom. The scent hit you at once. Rose, wormwood, and something close to peppermint filled the steamy air. It was as fragrant as tea, and you could see bits of the herbs floating around in the water. 

Dikke placed you close to the tub, before standing back up. “I will allow you your privacy while you bathe. In the meantime, I shall prepare your room for your return.” Before you could speak, she was gone again. You stripped yourself of your dirty clothes, and sank into the warm water. It was perfect. The right temperature to ease the pain in your gut, as the scent relaxed your muscles. You closed your eyes, picturing your Dikke perfectly measuring the herbs needed to go into the bath, making sure the temperature was right, all the while worrying about leaving you alone. 

The two of you had only started dating a few weeks ago, yet she treated you like a princess at every convenience. Roses would appear by your door, perfumed letters were handed to you by confused middle men. She had quite the bizarre way of showing her affections, always indirect and nervous, but you found that charming of her. Your favorite of her affections were the acts of service, which came endlessly with her. Chores would be done without you asking, meals would be prepared, and things like this bath were all reminders of just how much she cared for you. A lazy smile came to your face as you sunk deeper into the water, your heart warm with her love. A bit later, Dikke returned with new clothes to dress you with. The usually stone-faced girl was surprisingly giddy, unable to hide her slight smile. Forgetting her shyness, she helped you dry off, giving not so much as a bashful look away. You were confused, what had caused this change in personality? As she draped a plush robe around your shoulders, you decided to ask. “Dikke?” “Yes, dove?” She hummed. “What’s going on?” You blinked. She’d never called you a pet name before. “Am I not allowed to be joyful when with my partner?” She asked, innocently. “I suppose so. It’s just-” You had no time to complete your sentence, as Dikke once again lifted you into her arms. She marched back to your room, unable to wipe the smile from your face. Once she opened the door to your room, your jaw dropped. A display of warm foods and snacks lay on your table. Freshly washed blankets and sheets on your bed, creating almost a nest. Your tv was on, displaying one of your favorite movies. And to top it off, the entire place smelled like roses. “The captain is bringing tampons. She said she had to go out to fetch them, but it’ll only take a minute.” Dikke says, placing you on the bed. “I didn’t know you could buy such things now. How strange is that!” Once you were secure, she turned to leave. You couldn’t stand to see her go again, reaching out your hand and grabbing hers. “Dikke!” You called. “This is all nice, but I want one more thing.” Confused, she nodded. “Anything at all, I will provide.” “I want you to stay?” You timidly asked. Dikke’s face grew red once more, the shade you’d seen her wear the most. “Of course! Let me just rid myself of this armor, and I will be by your side!” With that, Dikke removed the plate armor, and took her side by you. You fiddled with the remote as she wrapped you in her arms. Feeling a sense of relief that has never come with your period before.

[heliads]

LISA !! your requests being open again is a glorious occasion, i’m so happy !! 

now, could i pretty please request spot conlon with a gender-neutral reader who’s a brooklyn newsie ? the reader’s newsie nickname is sunshine because they’re known for being super cheerful and sweet and pretty much always having a smile on their face, but thing is that spot’s kind of closed-off and gruff with them, even more than he is normally, because he finds it kind of grating how relentlessly happy they are when as newsies they live the way they do. but the reader just keeps on being the way they are, being kind to spot and smiling whenever they see him no matter how he always responds with a scowl, until finally he snaps at them and tells them to quit being so weird and happy all the time, but then they actually do and it makes him realize that he’s relied on seeing their smile every day and that he actually likes seeing it, so he goes to find sunshine and apologize, telling them that he actually admires how strong they are to keep being kind and happy despite everything and how much he appreciates it. it doesn’t have to end with a confession or anything, but hopefully at least some romantic undertones ? now, as always, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but thanks in advance if you do, and i hope you’re doing well !! <3

'cloudy days' - spot conlon

masterlist

For once, it’s not a gray and blustery day in New York. Spot Conlon doesn’t know what the hell he was thinking, settling in a place like this, although he supposes he never really had a choice about it at all. It’s a cold and shady city, and that mood translates to its people. No one here would give him the time of day unless they absolutely had to, and he wouldn’t give them a damn thing either. That’s the tune of the city, and Spot drums it daily. Eat or be eaten. Kill or get killed.

That’s the way it’s always been, the way it always will be. Spot doesn’t want anyone’s sympathy. He’s grown past the point of needing it. Spot will do what Spot does best:  look out for himself, never take handouts, never be dependent on anything save his feet to carry him places and that weird thing beating between his ribs to keep him alive.

The other newsies respect that, and look up to it. Brooklyn may have a reputation for being the meanest borough around, but the newsies protect each other like no one else. Even when the sun don’t shine for months on end. Even on rare days, like today, when it does.

The bright streets have Spot thinking a little funny, just like always. When the sun is out and the skies are blue, he starts feeling a strange thing some might describe as happiness. For once, everything isn’t totally terrible. It’s like the high he gets after soaking his enemies, ‘cept his knuckles aren’t bloody and his eyes aren’t blackened.

Maybe it’s got him in a good mood. Maybe that’s why, when a new fella comes looking for a spot in Spot’s growing army of newsies, he’s inclined to say yes. This new ally of his is nothing like Spot has ever seen before. They’re smiling at him before they so much as tip their hat or say hello. At first, it makes him wonder if they’ve got some sort of problem, then he realizes that the newcomer isn’t grinning like that to be threatening, just because they’re legitimately, well, happy.

Strange. Confusing, even. Still, the abundance of sunshine is rattling Spot’s brain, so instead of laughing in their face, he actually offers them a place amongst the ranks. Were it any other day, he’s sure he would have made them go somewhere a little more sickly-sweet, where friendship is magic and everyone can stand around, fuckin’, square dancing or something, whatever it is they do over in ‘Hattan or the other less serious boroughs, but he doesn’t. He welcomes them into his home. He pretends he isn’t completely baffled by their happy-go-lucky act. 

And, since it’s clearly on the brain anyway, he gives them a nickname then and there, a real Spot Conlon first edition:  Sunshine. He reckoned it seemed pretty true at the moment. As it turns out, he had no idea. Sunshine gets on his damn nerves every moment of every day. They’re so sweet it makes him want to throw up. If he ever saw them without a smile on their face for longer than thirty seconds, he’d suspect an imposter. They toss out compliments like they mean it or something, and they actually pick flowers to give to their friends.

Spot would think it was an act, except it actually isn’t. No way a human being could keep up a pretense that long and not go totally crazy. Spot, for one, does feel like he’s going crazy, but that’s neither here nor there.

Every day is the same. He wakes up too early, drags himself out of bed and gets ready, then pokes his head out of his space just to find Sunshine already up and at it, beaming at him and wishing him a very good morning, Spot, before turning to the next half-asleep newsie and repeating them message, and man, he wants to throttle someone already. In the line for papes, they’re excitedly talking to him about how they hope for a good headline, and whenever Spot runs into them while selling, they’ve always got something funny to say. If Spot wanted to laugh, he’d go to the circus. Although even he has to admit that New York feels like that half the damn time anyway.

It’s actually starting to make him angry. Who is this newcomer to burst in and disrupt everyone like this? Spot’s no fool. Even though he’s proud of his newsies and glad to be among the best company there is, this isn’t the life any of them would choose if they had other options. The newsies are here because they have no money and no prospects. They are the terrible youth, set out on the streets because there is no one else to watch out for them but each other.

Yet here’s this stranger, bounding down the halls of their lodging house, beaming and laughing as if everything were sugar and sweet. It feels as if they’re making a mockery of the whole thing, and Spot doesn’t like being taken for a fool.

It twists his judgment. Spot isn’t exactly known for his warm and caring personality, but he cracks down even harder around Sunshine. Maybe then they’ll figure out that the whole super happy thing doesn’t fly around here. Dreams don’t get you anywhere, and pretending otherwise only costs a lot of effort that could instead be directed towards selling some papes.

He should be better, Spot knows that. Already, his closest friends have started to scold him (very carefully) about how he’s treating sunshine. “Y/N’s no problem,” they’ve said. “It’s just you, Spot.” But he doesn’t listen.

One day, he gets to the breaking point. After another restless night, Spot drags himself out of bed despite not getting nearly enough sleep. He’s hardly stepped out of his room before Sunshine’s smiling cheerily at him, asking, “How was your sleep, Spot?”

As if they can’t tell by the look on his face. Unable to hold himself back any longer, Spot positively growls at them, “Terrible, obviously. God, can you just quit it with that stupid attitude? It’s makin’ me crazy.”

He doesn’t wait for a response, just pushes right past them and heads downstairs. He’s a grouch all morning, purposely making sure no one is near him while he’s selling and not talking to a soul all throughout the day. He manages to pull himself together enough to sell the papes he needs, but other than that, Spot is barely functioning at all.

Even the Brooklyn newsie home base seems quiet and uneasy when he gets back. Spot sits by himself in his office, temper growing worse with every passing hour. He can’t put his finger on the issue until nightfall, when he hears a chorus of cheerful voices out in the hall and realizes that Sunshine hasn’t spoken to him all day. Not since he snapped at them.

Cursing faintly, Spot drags a tired hand across his face. He’s fucked up, hasn’t he? Thinking back on it now, he remembers the startled look in Sunshine’s eyes when he told them to stop being so fake all the time. It’s fine, he tells himself. Everyone gets their feelings stepped on in Brooklyn. Things will be back to normal this time tomorrow.

Only, it isn’t. When Spot wakes up, Sunshine isn’t there to wish him a good morning. They avoid him in the line to pick up papes, and they steer clear of him throughout the entire day. Even when he makes a point of emerging from his office to sit with the rest of the newsies, Sunshine talks to every damn person there but him. It’s enough to make anyone feel a little guilty. Even Spot Conlon.

As the days go by without a single word from Sunshine, Spot feels worse and worse. He hadn’t realized how much he needed to see their smiles and hear their laughter until he didn’t get a drop of it. It’s like he’s trapped in permanent storm clouds. Only gray clouds and cold nights for him.

God, he’s getting poetic. This is horrific. Spot knows what he has to do, and even though he dreads the idea of having to admit he was wrong, he gathers his strength and goes to find Sunshine. At first, they try to duck out of the way when they see him coming, but Spot tracks them down, pulling them into an empty room so they can talk.

“I haven’t seen you in a while,” Spot says by way of introduction.

Sunshine doesn’t meet his eyes. “Thought that’s what you wanted.”

A sharp prick of guilt stabs through his chest. “I thought that, too. Turns out I was wrong.”

Sunshine’s head snaps up, and their eyes meet his. “Really?”

“Really,” Spot confirms. “I– I like being around you, Y/N. I like hearing you talk. I’m sorry for making you feel bad about being you.”

A slow, careful smile spreads across Sunshine’s face. “You really mean that, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” Spot says indignantly. “What, you’d think I’d go around saying things that ain’t true? What a waste of time.”

When Sunshine starts laughing, Spot feels his cheeks start to rush with warmth. “It’s not– you know what I mean, don’t you?”

“I do,” they grin. “I’m just glad to hear you want me back.”

“I do want you,” Spot breathes. “Back, I mean. I want you back. Yes.”

When Sunshine smiles knowingly at him again, Spot gets the odd feeling that he’s revealed more of himself than he really ought to, like he’s been caught showing his cards halfway through a bet. He gets the feeling he can trust Sunshine to not call him out, though. For some reason, he believes in them more than anyone. Maybe even more than himself.

The threadbare curtains on a nearby window shift slightly, allowing a thin, tenuous ray of sunlight to slip through the cracks. It slices neatly through the room, illuminating Y/N’s face in thin tendrils of gold. The sun’s back again. They’re back again, and Spot might be okay after all.

requested by @faerieroyal, i hope you enjoy!

newsies tag list: @lovesanimals0000, @misguidedswagger, @mayfieldss, @eclliipsed

all tags list: @wordsarelife

[realm-of-rosie]

💭 warm hands !!

i. genshin impact [ pantalone ]

ii. fluff, maybe slightly suggestive? + scenario

iii. blog rules | masterlist

iv. annyeong pipol of dis blog! i'm back! hopefully for longer, but it is exam season and more exams will come in a few weeks. but a girl needs a good dstraction every once in a while and i have decided that attempting to revive or at least be a little more active on this blog is a good option. mwah! i appreciate you all!

"and what do you have there, my dear?" pantalone stares down at your seated figure and hands tucked under the long table, seemingly fumbling about with something, something he couldn't see from his position.

perhaps something important, the harbinger thinks to himself, considering how you tried very hard to keep it out of his line of sight and he blinks expectantly at your surprised expression and awaiting your answer.

your cheeks flare up at the way the nickname silkily slid off his tongue, "it's nothing, sir," you answer meekly, meeting his gaze for a second before looking away.

"nothing?" pantalone smirks as he get up from his seat, "then you wouldn't mind if i take a look?"

"i-" you stand up, quickly moving to hide the objects behind you and backing away from the man approaching you, "-would mind very much actually,"

"oh?"

"it's meant to be a secret,"

"well, i am very good a keeping secrets,"

"oh, i don't doubt that-" your back hits the wall and there's a short moment of nervousness in you that comes out in the form of a hushed huff of a laugh upon realizing the predicament you were in.

"you know you can tell me anything," he tells you, leaning one hand next to the wall beside you and hovering his face over yours.

"you see sir, it's quite ridiculous -"

an eyebrow raise.

"really it isn't important -"

pantalone goes, "mhmm," quietly, unbelieving as he lifts his finger to trace down your cheek to raise your chin, "really?"

"really! so you shouldn't waste your time trying to -" your voice lowers in volume and you sigh defeatedly, dropping your head as you ask in a small voice, "do you really want to know?"

"of course i do!" he triumphantly harrumphs and crosses his arms over his chest, "since it's something you have, it is bound to interest me,"

in the following beats of silence, you wonder if you should be flattered, then there's more silence, growing to be almost uncomfortable, and you swear you can hear tartaglia's laughter through the thick wooden walls. glancing around, you are met with pantalone's stare.

there is something...undescribable behind the harbinger's eyes, and to you, it always seemed as though his glasses mellowed out the intensity in them whenever he looked at you and it made him appear less terrifying.

"...did i make you uncomfortable? i must apologize -" and he starts to back away.

"no!" your hand shoots out to grab the front of his coat but it retreats back behind you to secure the object with a clear of your throat, "no, it's just -" you stick your hands out and pantalone's eyes widen ever so slightly at the pair of gloves sitting on your palms - dark blue with silver details and far too out of size for it to belong to you, for them to be used by you, "- i thought your hands were cold, after i felt them that day in the library because mine brushed against yours when we reached for the same book, and i thought to make these for you but i understand if you don't like them -"

"nonsense," his hands scoop the clothes out of your hands as soon as you attempt to stuff them in your bag and you watch in confusion and partial relief when he puts them on, flexing his fingers and humming, a smirk growing on his lips "a perfect fit, don't you think?"

"yeah, i guess so," you exhale deeply, giggling when he cups your hands in his, feeling lighter inside at how he reacted to your gift, "i'm glad you like them,"

"like them?" pantalone gawks, "i enjoy them so much that i am going to go show them to the others and boast that you adore me more than you adore them!"

"wait, pantalone - and he's gone," you sigh, a small smile playing on your lips accompanying the shake of your head, "whatever shall i do with that man?"

[twistedgardens]

A Spell Gone Wrong

This is based on a conversation I had with @stygianoir a while back that I'm just now getting around to 😓. Sorry it took so long.

For context:

Magic can and does go haywire. The magic system of Twisted Wonderland is nothing like the fantasy books of Yuu's home world. Harry Potter didn't show them what happened when goes wild and actually turns someone into the opposite gender.

Content Warning: mentions of periods (but only implied and gender is not specified as just about anyone with a uterus can have one)

Dire Crowley

Of all the times for him to burst onto the scene, it's when magic suddenly goes wild with a mispronounced spell. You think overblots are bad, try dealing with a headmaster who didn't dodge a spell in time. Being the overdramatic drama king he is, or rather was, Dire's first reaction to growing new bits and pieces is to panic. It's one thing to shapeshifter into a crow or ghost, but that's only because he cast it upon himself. Turning back is another issue when it's someone else's spell gone topsy-turvy. Functionally he's still the headmaster just...moodier. He doesn't let visitors see him the way he is and cause confusion. If Yuu/Reader is able to have periods, even if they weren't involved in the incident, will be the one to secure necessary hygiene products if the spell isn't lifted in time for Dire to experience the wonderful world of menstruation. Were they in the same room or building when the incident took place? No, but that won't stop Dire from giving Yuu the job of getting a life time supply of products because he honestly does not know how periods work. Hopefully the spell gets broken before PMS kicks in. You think he's overdramatic? Wait until he gets a dose of PMS hormones for the first time.

Divus Crewel

A potion goes wrong because of course it does. However, of all the staff it happens to, Divus is the least concerned. Potion-related accidents happen and getting turned into a woman isn't the worst thing to happen or that he's seen happen in the lab. Divus is the exact opposite of Dire. He answers to having breasts testing the limits of his vest, the awkward fit of his pants from having widened hips, and a different voice by shrugging it off and continuing with the lesson. It could've been worse. He could have been turned into a slug.

Malleus Draconia (this is the only picture I could find that didn't include someone's fan art. it does not represent how his reaction is written)

It's not so much his reaction you need to worry about, it's Sebek's, who is outraged by the incident and won't let anyone forget it. Lilia is rolling on the floor laughing and Silver is in the corner sleeping. Malleus takes to being switched with the opposite gender in great strides, though he's concerned that he'll have to switch schools since Night Raven College is boys only. As a fae, at least he won't have to experience a normal menstruation cycle since their biology is different than most humans. This is a learning experience for him. If he's going to rule someday, what better opportunity to learn about issues facing his subjects who have certain body parts or present/identify as female?

Idia Shroud

Oh, this is going to be fun. No one realizes the spell goes wrong is when Idia opens his mouth. Instead of his normal voice, Idia sounds like a stereotypical female. He clasps his hand over his mouth and stands there stiff as board, too scared to move. Suddenly, all eyes are on him. Because he's wearing a hoodie, the changes to his body aren't noticeable. Idia turns his back away from everybody and looks down his shirt. The shriek the emits from him could break glass. Idia immediately runs away and holes himself up in his room, locking the door. His habits don't change much except he speaks even less and doesn't bother with health class. He's too embarrassed to let anyone accidentally see him while the spell is still in effect.

Rook Hunt

A spell or potion gone wrong turns him into a young lady? Meh. It's not the worst thing that could happen. As a matter of fact, Rook likes it. He'll need a new uniform, but that's easily fixed. This is the perfect excuse to find out how skirts feel since he's only allowed to wear one as part of his new uniform, and only because he gets turned into a girl. The breeze feels nice, but it makes hunting a little inconvenient. The only noted downside is that he can't stop admiring himself in the mirror.

Vil Shoenheit

You think this is the first time? LOL. Vil's an actor, who's played the role of girl once before and he's handled potion mishaps for years. He would be furious if he'd been turned into animal, or even worse, ugly. At least the potion didn't turn him into an old lady. Now that would be bad.

[yippie-ki-yay]

Not enough 2BDamned x reader stuff! I request for one but the reader is very affectionate towards him. A cold person with a very warm person will help them open up a bit to them!

You know what? I agree! This was a fun little one to write, hopefully you like it!!

We all know this one is probably the most professional and ‘put-together’ out of the group, yeah? That all kinda goes out the window when you’re around. 

2B’s still going to try and keep his stern front if this happens in public (he’s not really a big fan of PDA, but saying no to you is a liiiittle harder than he’d like to admit), but even then it’s easy to see that he’s flustered by your shows of affection. 

Is secretly thankful for the mask and other face coverings because it hides how red his cheeks get-

The first few times the others see this it’s going to be a bit of a surprise - while Hank probably doesn’t care too much, Deimos is going to tease him about it endlessly (well, until he either gets scared off or grows bored enough). Sanford might throw in a remark here or there but overall finds you two adorable. 

As for the other grunts that work under him? A mix of confusion and astonishment collectively washes over them if they see you two together. Normally their boss is so cold and never anything less than the polished image he puts forward. He still is, no doubt about that, but to see someone so sweet and warm with fingers tangled together with his definitely turns some heads. 

2B notices the staring alright. The glare he sends back gets them to cut it out right away, hand squeezing yours just a little tighter as you both round the corner. 

You won’t get much out of him in front of other people, but when it’s just the two of you? That’s a different story. 

2B finds it so easy to just sink into your embrace. Whether it’s in his office, in bed, or anywhere else secluded, he just melts into you. 

It might take him a moment to ease into it, but you can feel the change in him - the way his shoulders drop, how the tenseness just leaves him… Really, no one else has seen this side of him as often as you do. 

Sometimes when he’s really stressed, seeking you out becomes his go-to way of alleviating it. It really wouldn’t surprise me if he ends up kind of framing it as if he were going to see if you needed help with anything only to take a little break wrapped up in your arms. 

Unsurprisingly, it ends up being more than just a little break sometimes. 

Sometimes the two of you end up switching - he’ll be the one holding you sometimes, while others he prefers to have his head tucked into your shoulder while your fingers trail along his spine. He’ll sigh when he feels lips press against the top of his head, ignoring the twinge of pain that accompanies the slight smile that curls at the corners of his lips. 

2BDamned may try to convince himself that he doesn’t need this sort of affection, or doesn’t deserve it for whatever reason, but he’ll never push you away if you’re offering.

[harlowtales]

Y/N goes on an interview at PHOCUS. She has no idea Jack Harlow will be interviewing her to be his assistant in the office.

You just got to Louisville and job hunting wasn’t going well. You had a lot of skills in office work and social media, but were not having any luck. You applied to some company with a weird name you weren’t sure how to pronounce called Phocus. It was for an energy drink company. You had landed an interview and it wasn’t really what you wanted but you needed something soon.

The first interview was by Zoom with one of the owners to weed out candidates. You were super nervous. Waiting for them to come on screen you kept having to stop yourself from tapping your leg. Your nerves were sky high.

“Miss y/n?”You heard a voice say. You sat up straight in your chair and turned your camera on. The person on the other end was visibly taken aback when they saw you. You instantly thought you weren’t going to make the cut. Something was not right with his reaction.

It didn’t register at first who it was on the other end of the screen as you were that nervous until it clicked. “Holy shit. Jack Harlow?” You liked his music but weren’t obsessed or anything. You had to be under a rock to not know who he was. Suddenly confusion was added to your anxiety.

“Why da fuck they send me a candidate I would be attracted too?” Jack thought slightly irritated. He didn’t know how much his body language said as you turned your camera on. You had taken it for a bad reaction when really he was struck by your looks. A fantasy of his for a long time, you looked like a secretary with your hair in a sensible bun, glasses, minimal makeup, and a white button up shirt. You thought you looked professional and smart. Jack thought you looked hot. Possibly too hot to work with. This position was for business. The person would be his right hand at Phocus offices and he didn’t want these types of distractions.

“Miss y/n, tell me where you’re from? Your resume says Wisconsin?” He asked in his most serious tone.

“Yes I just moved here a few months ago. I heard Louisville was growing and lots of jobs out here so I came to see what I could find.”

“Adventurous or irresponsible?” Jack decided he was going to be hard on you so you wouldn’t make the cut but he had to interview you.

“Excuse me?” You said unsure he had been so…direct/rude.

“I said, are you adventurous or irresponsible?” Jack restated so there was no misunderstanding. He leaned back in his chair waiting for you to stutter or unravel.

“Oh well, I would rather think of myself as adventurous, but neither an adventurous spirit nor an irresponsible inkling was a factor. It was a well thought out and planned decision. I have watched the job market in my top 3 cities to relocate too and it’s clear Kentucky has a booming economy with a 4.3% increase in its gross domestic state production over the last few fiscal periods.” You found this to be the best answer and were too nervous to be offended by what Jack was trying to do.

Jack was stunned. Not only did you not play into his hands, but you answered the question way beyond what he thought anyone would. “Fuck! She’s smart as fuck.” He thought in frustration “I’ll have to turn up the heat because she’s actually turning me on now.”

He tapped his pen looking at your resume thoughtfully. He couldn’t come across as too much of a jerk for fear of getting complaints on how he treated applicants. The media would love that story. “Very smart to keep your eye on the markets. We are booming in Louisville.” He answered a bit more cheerfully.

You smiled a little shyly and fixed a lock of hair back behind your ear. A small gesture that Jack unfortunately noticed making him more frustrated. After a few more questions he knew you were over qualified and had to pass you on to the next round of in-person interviews, but he did so reluctantly. Hopefully other candidates he had to see that day would be far less attractive and would have your same credentials. Until he noticed something very uncanny.

“It says here you did volunteer work in Rio? Teaching English to underprivileged kids in the villages? Is this true?” He couldn’t hide his disbelief and now he was actually a bit upset you were damn near his perfect match on paper.

“Yes sir. It was a wonderful opportunity for me to give back to the world. I think here in the United States we are so fortunate and we should do all we can to share our blessings.” You answered matter of factly not knowing what you just did to Jack. Internally he was screaming.

“Well I have to say you have moved on to our next round of in-person interviews with the team.” Jack said in not the nicest tone. You were a little thrown off the whole time. You weren’t sure he was totally satisfied, but were happy you passed the initial screening with such an influential part of the company.

“Thank you so much Mr. Harlow. I really appreciate the opportunity to come back and I really liked your last album by the way. I really felt a lot of what you were saying, especially the Rio thing which of course resonated with me. I’m not flattering because of this today. I really mean that, you are inspiring. I hope that isn’t unprofessional of me to say.”

This totally disarmed Jack. He felt very strongly about his last project. “Thank you.” He blushed “See you next week. Please be on time.” He said abruptly.

“I certainly will be on time thank you so much sir.” You said respectfully making Jack’s situation worse. One thing he loved was someone with manners.

As the week went on Phil noticed Jack was somewhere else. “Dude, you’re not even with me right now.” He said getting mad Jack was not responding when he was just making conversation as they hung out on Phil’s porch on a sweltering day after a game of pickup at a local court.

“Sorry…you’re right. I’m not here.” Jack apologized

“Well what’s up?” Phil asked concerned

“Just fucking weird…” Jack said trailing off

“EARTH TO JACKMAN!!!” Phil shouted cupping his hands around his mouth to amplify his frustration with his friend.

“Sorry. I met this woman…” Jack started

“You meet hella hotties all the time.” Phil interrupted

“No, I interviewed her last week for Phocus.” Jack said

“So.” Phil said unaware of what the issue was

“So, she’s volunteered…in Rio.” Jack said wistfully “Like how fucked up is that?”

Phil was getting it now. “Oh shit.” He said flatly “And I guess she’s hot…and probably the best candidate but if you hire her you’ll always be tempted?”

“Bingo.” Jack said with a sigh

“Well, better for you to have a good assistant bro. You’ll forget all about her once your back on the road. Soon you’ll get used to her being around. Remember that little crush you had on Neelam at first?” Phil offered

“Yeah.” Jack laughed. He thought Neelam was so grownup and better than local girls but soon he got used to working with her and had no desire to be with her in that way. “Thanks bro, you’re right. I’m trippin.”

PART 2

“Miss y/n they’re ready for you.” A lady came out and directed you into the interview room. A panel was waiting for you that included Jack, the other owner, and a manager. You went in and smoothed out your snug fitting skirt as you sat down in front of them. You had on a nice floral silk blouse tucked into your skirt and heels, showing your curves as you couldn’t help it. Your usual bun would not cooperate that morning so your hair was down but sleekly smoothed out. Jack had to hide his reaction upon seeing you in person. He cleared his throat and fidgeted in his chair.

“Hello again Miss y/n.” Jack said cooly but politely

“Hello Mr. Harlow.” You answered plainly “Hello to you gentlemen as well.” You said graciously and smiled when addressing them. Jack got a bit of a cold shoulder as you felt he was intentionally harsh with you last time and couldn’t figure out why.

The other panelists didn’t pick up on the exchange of energy but Jack did. His eyebrow going up and feeling a bit heated. Maybe this was for the best as he knew you would probably be hired. After the interview you were asked to step outside.

“Miss y/n you can go back in.” The lady said leading you back into the room.

“Miss y/n we have deliberated and would like to offer you the position.” The manager said

“Oh! That’s great news!” You said happy to finally find something

“I have high expectations.” Jack added

“Of course sir.” You obliged

PART 3

“Ok y/n first thing’s first drop the Mr. Harlow. I’m Jack.” Jack said as he showed you around the offices

“Yes Jack.” You said dutifully

“And relax I don’t bite.” He said with a side grin and you smiled back letting out some air that was tight in your chest.

After your orientation he said “I’m not around much, so we’ll mostly work together by Zoom or the phone.”

“Understood.” You said sternly. It was getting late and your stomach made an embarrassing growl. You had been with Jack all day and were hungry and tired.

“Want to grab a bite?” Jack said laughing

“I’m so embarrassed” You said sweetly

Jack had to immediately dismiss his feelings creeping up. “C’mon it’s on me. Let’s get to know each other.” He said.

You stopped at Indy’s, one of Jack’s favourite local spots. He ordered only one meal. “You’re not eating?” You asked

“I don’t eat fast food.” Jack said a little sadly

“I don’t want to eat alone, so no worries just drop me to the bus if you don’t mind.”

“I already ordered and I want us to chat a bit.” Jack insisted

“But you’ll just be looking at me eat.” You protested

“Ok I’ll turn my back then” he said laughing in that charming way he had. “I’m used to it.” He assured you

Your food came and he delighted watching you enjoy it and getting to know you. He asked you all about Rio and how you liked Louisville and your background. You we’re starting to see why women loved him so much. He looked right at you and had the nicest warm gaze and smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, after that, I’m off again.” He said cheerfully as he dropped you home. “And I’m going to get you a company car. You’ll be running lots of errands.” He watched your ass subtly as you walked up to your door. You felt a little attraction but reflexively shoved it down deep and dismissed it. He was Jack Harlow after all, every other woman thought he was hot and you weren’t blind. Besides this was your new boss and you were seeing someone.

The next morning Jack looked irritated as you got into the office. There was a massive bouquet of roses on your desk. “Congratulations my girl.” Said the card. You smiled as you took in the aroma of one flower.

“We have a lot to do today.” He said roughly

“Yes sir…I mean Jack” you said instantly snapping out of appreciating your roses.

“Make sure you stay focused and tell your boyfriend to have things delivered to your home.” He warned

“Absolutely, I will.” You agreed

Your answer confirmed you had a boyfriend and Jack’s competitive nature rose up wether he liked it or not.

“Good, let’s get started.” He commanded

After work Jack saw you get into a guy’s car that was waiting out front for you. Why wouldn’t you have a man in a short time being in Louisville, if he was struggling to be around you, he imagined just seeing you out what he would say to get your attention. He liked the perfume you wore, the way you walked, and how confident and intelligent you were. He had already had a deep conversation with you much to his dismay because this made it harder for him, but now he couldn’t let you go because the team had decided on you.

PART 4

Some months went by and Jack hadn’t been in the office in awhile. You had brief calls with him between interviews, appearances, and shows. Emails flew at you all day, and running around getting everything done that Jack needed as a partner in the business. He made a point to have a virtual coffee chat with you once a month on Zoom just to connect. These were great chats where you got to know each other better. You were happy dating your guy, but Jack definitely had opinions he started making known about your man. You didn’t catch on as you had zero expectations of Jack Harlow liking you. It wasn’t until the office holiday party that you were made to know what was going on.

Jack glared from a corner as you and your man walked into the party at his penthouse holding hands. He pretended not to see you when he greeted all the other guests. Phil noticed and approached his friend “Not cool Jack. Real petty.” Phil said

“I don’t give a fuck.” Jack retorted “Guy’s a fucking clown. Look at his pants.” He said motioning over to you

“Bro. You’ve worn pants like that” Phil stated and walked away pissing Jack off even more. He was subtle with the way he delivered his criticism unlike the rest of the guys.

Jack couldn’t avoid you any longer and came over, not to greet you, but to grill your man.

“Y/n you look beautiful” Jack said giving you a polite peck on the cheek that your man Richard side eyed.

“Thank you Jack. You’re place is gorgeous, and the view!” You exclaimed. Your boyfriend reluctantly came to the party with you. He kept trying to tell you Jack was feeling you but you insisted he was delusional.

Jack didn’t hide taking you all in. You were wearing a slinky red cocktail dress with a slit in the leg. Your hair was curled and off to one side with a sparkling hair pin. You were exuding Hollywood glamour with a red lip that Jack had a sudden vision of deeply kissing, and you smelled incredible. “Is that a new perfume?” He complimented as he leaned in a bit closer to get a whiff.

“Yes, I bought it for her. Right babe?” Your man Richard said caressing your back. Jack had visions of smacking his hand away. “So fussy this one, but I know what my woman wants.” Richard said looking directly at Jack.

“Did you know she wants to go hiking all over Europe this summer?” Jack said intentionally as you told him your boyfriend didn’t know yet because he wouldn’t like it. “I’m all for it. I think that’s great!” Jack said overly enthusiastic.

“Yeah…sounds wonderful. Whatever my baby wants” Richard said through gritted teeth knowing what Jack was doing.

“Y/n let me show you the jacuzzi and the studio” Jack said taking you by the arm “Don’t mind if I steal her for a second do you?” Jack asked Richard as he was already walking away with you.

“No problem, we have to leave soon anyway.” Richard said knowing he couldn’t look like a chump in front of you.

“We do?” You said confused as Jack led you away.

PART 5

Jack gave you a tour of his place. You were in awe of all the details that went into everything from the artwork to the marble flooring. “See? You’re so inspiring Jack. Look what you’ve accomplished.” You said as he showed you to his studio in the basement. You hadn’t noticed he locked the door.

“Y/n...” Jack said knowing he didn’t have much time to let you know what he was going through the last few months and maybe even showing you.

“Before you say anything Jack, why did you tell Richard what I told you in confidence?” You asked slightly irritated. You clued in there was some type of pissing contest happening between them, but you didn’t know it was about you.

“Richard doesn’t deserve you.” Said Jack cutting to the chase as he knew Richard was going to come looking for you, but he had the guys running interference.

“What? Of course he does. He’s successful in his own right and a good person. He went on a mission in Africa you know.” You defended

“Of course he fucking did.” Jack said rolling his eyes “My foundation does a lot to help my own backyard.” He said defending himself and his charity work.

“I’ve never taken that away from you Jack. What is all this competition with Richard about? Did you guys know each other before? Some back in the day beef?” You giggled.

Jack took a chance and pulled you close planting a kiss on you. “That’s what it’s about.” He said as your lips slowly parted.

“Jack I…oh my god.” Your head was swimming as he backed you into a piano and it made a noise. He hoisted you on top of it and caressed your thigh exposed by the slit of your dress as he leaned in to kiss you more. You grabbed a handful of chestnut curls as he kissed down your neck and in between your chest wanting to devour you whole. He had held in his feelings since the beginning.

He was interrupted by a text from Sunni. Richard slipped away from them to go to the bathroom as they had him cornered talking sports and giving him his 3rd drink in 20mins trying to get him hammered and send him home…alone. For the most part it was working.

“Fuck!” Jack blurted out

“Oh my god, I shouldn’t be doing this with you!” You said trying clumsily to get off the piano.

“Relax.” Jack said easily holding you back with one hand. “Your man is on the prowl for you. The studio is off limits so he’ll be going around in circles anyway.”

Just then Copelan sent him a video clip of a tipsy Richard. “Yeah I’m just with her because she got that Phocus connection. I’m looking to do business, but Jack has it in for me. I know he likes her and why not share yuh know?”

You heard it all and looked stunned. “I’m sorry.” Jack said “I didn’t know he was using you to get to me. Jack called Copelan “Fuck him up and kick him out.” He ordered.

Upstairs Copelan, Phil, Sunni, Urban, and Twiggy surrounded Richard once he came back unable to find you. “That bitch!” He said “she’s probably fucking him right now!”

“What’d you say?” Sunni said “I didn’t quite hear you”

“I said that little slut is probably somewhere fucking… ……….” Sunni knocked Richard out before he could finish. The boys dragged him outside and tossed him out into the hallway. “My keys! Give me my keys and my phone!” Richard yelled. Security escorted him out of the building and put him in a waiting Uber.

“Y/n, are you ok?” Jack said cradling your face in his hand.

“No. I’m not ok Jack.” You said as tears started to come.

“Baby I’m so sorry.” Jack said comforting you, but you were angry.

“I’m nobody’s baby!” You yelled, you men are something else. Everything is a game to you!” You shouted hitting Jack’s chest. He let you let off steam.

“I was never using you.” Jack said seriously holding you back from continuing to hit him. “I’m in love with you.”

You stopped struggling and went limp in his arms. “What?” You said softly

“Y/n, I have been fighting my feelings for months because I’m your boss and you have a man…well had.” Jack said “and I’m not the easiest person to be with given my occupation.”

“I would never guess you would even like me” you said looking at him in wonder.

“Well I do. I knew your man was a chump but not this much of a chump.” Jack said consoling you. “I suppose we’ll have to pick up where we left off another time?”

“I knew what I was doing when I knew I had a man. Now….I don’t have one, but I still have a boss.” You said giving Jack a slight smile.

“Well then your fucking fired” Jack said as he got on top of you on the couch and felt his way up your dress pushing your panties aside and gently playing with your clit.

You moaned and adjusted under him to give him easier access. “You’re not the only one that’s been hiding feelings.” You breathed as you fumbled for the bulge in his pants.

“Well I know how you feel now.” Jack said as he brought his fingers up from between your thighs and under your dress glistening with your “feelings” on his finger tips, but suddenly he stopped. “Listen y/n I would love to take advantage of how angry you are at Richard right now, but let’s do this right some other time ok?”

“Whatever you say Jack.” Thinking it for the best as well and flattered he thought enough of you to want to have your first time the right way. “Jack am I still fired?” You asked

“Yes.” He said smiling and kissing you

“Good.” You giggled 🤭

[dragon-knight1990]

The older generations need to lay off our current school aged kiddos by saying how hard it was in the past compared to now.

I work in education, so I get to see what our youth have to face in their daily lives. One of my students (I’ll call them L to protect their privacy) came to me during an after school activity that I run about some issues they’re having with a friend or maybe former friend now. I was just trying to be someone for them to vent to because I know they’re currently going thru a lot in their home life. During this interaction, they were ranting about how they’re dealing with their queer identity and how a friend was calling them and some other kids bitches and how they’ll end up on the streets. I asked to see the texts, and I saw red when reading the little bit that I did. Everything was over text. I immediately reported it to the school social worker because that’s who the student wanted to talk to and did my best to diffuse the other students who overheard my conversation with L. I could tell that L was broken and confused about the texts because to them, this is all out of the blue. I also strongly encouraged them to block the number but to keep the messages as evidence for when they talk to the social worker.

Point is, these kids have it way harder than when I was growing up. Yeah, I got bullied relentlessly, and I shared my experiences with L in hopes they feel less alone, and told L that parts of middle school suck but that they’ll get through it and I would be there for as long as I could. With texting and social media, these kids are bigger targets than those of us who grew up before or as it was coming out.

If you’re a parent, make sure that your kid knows they can go to you if they’re being harassed or being made to feel uncomfortable from their peers. Have those honest conversations, but don’t invade their privacy. Hell, simply by being that safe adult today, L trusted me enough to look at their phone a couple times to process what I was reading, and hopefully I got the ball rolling to stop this before it goes too far.

Teachers, don’t be afraid to be just a little bit vulnerable to your students. Share tiny bits of yourself here and there. Make those connections so that when a kid is going through a hard time, they’re comfortable enough to go to you.

[the-iceni-bitch]

Since you're talking about orgasms, can I ask what does an orgasm feel like? I'm a virgin and will prob not have sex till I get married because of my conservative country. but...... that doesnt mean i havent been experimenting myself. when i watch/read porn i usually just cross my legs and squeeze lol and when i do get to "climax" im still confused whether that's an orgasm or not?? also i tried rubbing my clit but i can never get to the high i achieved like from crossing my legs?? i also tried a couple of times sticking my finger in but i can never find the gspot?? :( like it never feels pleasurable, help

Oh gosh, I’m not totally sure I’m going to be able to answer this in a satisfactory way, but I’ll give it a shot!

First off, just want to qualify that everyone’s orgasms are different, and that what I’m going to describe is just how my orgasms feel, and hopefully give you a general idea of what to expect.

What you’re most likely experiencing when you squeeze your thighs together is clitoral stimulation, and it may or may not be an orgasm. Orgasm through clitoral stimulation was the first type of orgasm I was ever able to achieve, and a lot of people with vaginas can only achieve orgasm on this way. The clit is located at the apex of the labia minora on the vulva (here is a nifty link to a diagram that goes over basic vulvar anatomy if you need a roadmap)

This is not going to be clinical at all, lol, but the best way I can describe it is starting almost as a tickling sensation, kind of like the buildup to a sneeze, with a certain amount of pressure slowly growing. One of the ways I’ve seen quite a few of us describe it in fics is as a “coil gathering” and I feel like that’s accurate. All the muscles in my core get tighter as it builds, sometimes I have to hold my breath because it gets really intense, and then I know it hits when the pressure breaks. It’s very much a release for me when it happens, every muscle in my body relaxes (sometimes I shake for a minute or so), I let out a deep breath (often as a moan or if it’s really good a scream), and I just sort of feel this rush of really intense pleasure kind of shoot from my vag up to my brain and feel great.

Another thing to note (again, just me, not necessarily the norm) is that it is significantly easier for me to achieve orgasm if I’ve already come once. I don’t have that long of a refractory period (maybe thirty seconds before I feel okay to start touching my clit again) and if I feel like it I can usually make myself come three or four more times.

Now, the g-spot. Do not feel bad if you’re having trouble finding it! It’s most prominent when you’re aroused, so if you’re trying to locate it when you’re not in the mood, that could’ve the problem. It’s typically located about two inches inside the roof of the vaginal canal, and you’ll want to feel for a rougher patch of flesh. The best way to find it is to make a “come hither” motion with your finger until you find a spot that feels good. The g-spot is actually an extension of the clitoral nerves, but for me it’s a very different type of orgasm, less intense than straight clitoral stimulation, I’ve found that when I get to the point of release is a much slower come down, rather than the rapid break and relaxation. But remember, not every person with a vagina can come from vaginal stimulation, so if you cannot find your g-spot or if it does not result in orgasm, it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Another thing to note is that stimulating the g-spot can sometimes result in female ejaculation or squirting, so I wanted to provide some insight on that as well! Squirting is a result of friction on the Skene’s gland, which surrounds the urethra about where the g-spot is located, and produces a substance similar to prostatic fluid when it is stimulated through sexual activity. The most important things to know about squirting are a)not everyone with a vagina has a Skene’s gland, and even in those that do, there is no guarantee that stimulation will result in squirting (so any dude who tells you he can make every girl squirt is a liar) and b)squirting is not always the result of an orgasm, it can literally happen just from the stimulation. Please also note that “squirting” is not always actually the violent expulsion of fluid you see in porn, sometimes it’s just a gush.

I hope this was helpful!

[lesserpane]

Wrapping up Harry's story (for now). Some thoughts and impressions. Spoilers day 99 (and previous days I guess).

So Piu-Piu needed some nice positive (romantic) vibes for <something> and Harry decided that roleplaying would be the best choice for him.

And I'm so mad at him rn. 😈😈😈

You can't just pretend you like someone when you clearly know about their feelings towards you, it's just cruel.

He can be so clueless sometimes, it's driving me mad.

At the same time I don't think it's 100% acting. He is probably so confused about his feelings and has no idea what to do with them. It can be pretty hard for someone who was supposed to not have feelings at all.

upd: it was confirmed hehe

(still no straight answer, but he is trying 🥹)

<after this point it got out of hand a little, I didn't mean to ramble so much>

And that's why I love his route so much. Character development is amazing. It doesn't feel rushed, unbelievable or unrelatable.

He started off as a total stranger, who can't be bothered to talk to you for more than a few minutes and doesn't even say goodbye when he leaves. And you can see all the little changes he is going through during your time together.

How he starts coming to chats more often (at first I thought it was a route with Piu-Piu with how much we talked without Harry present), he starts asking your opinion on things, about your likes/dislikes and he actually remembers it later and mentions in conversations. He tries new things because of you, goes out of his way, to do something he previously wouldn't even think about doing, just because you said it was worth a try.

He is very supportive and makes sure you know that he values you for who you are.

Oh and Piu-Piu! It was such a nice addition to the game. At first I was very annoyed that we had no choice but to interact with it instead of getting to know Harry. But it's so lovely and nice and it grows on you! Piu-Piu will tell you Harry's feelings and thoughts, will comfort you during rough days of misunderstandings or fights, will whisper you details that Harry is too embarrassed to admit. As days go by, it appears less, but it's still there cheering for you (and bothering Harry lol). A great friend with some mysteries of its own. :^)

Ughh, it's getting pretty long already, I just can't shut up about how much Harry has grown since day 1.

Tomorrow is the last day I have available with him (can't believe it's been more than three months of every!day chats and calls).

The second half of his route is still not out, and we have no news when we are going to get it.

Anyways, thanks for reading my ramblings, I hope you enjoyed his route as much as I did. ❤️

Hopefully we get days 101-200 soon (and without fake feelings pls)

[silkwingfood]

i think it's very interesting how different people's brains function, and where the differences are, and how it can lead to confusion. i have an anxiety disorder, so when something freaks me out, like bugs, suddenly they're everywhere. and if i stay in the exact same spot for too long sometimes i get scared to turn around. if something particularly terrifying happens, i'm then on edge for a couple days, and then i startle more easily. my girlfriend doesn't deal with any mental disorders, so while she trues her best to understand what's going on in my head, sometimes it gets hard. and i don't know what it's like to have something scare you without being haunted by it for days. i know the way i fear things isn't normal, but it's hard to compare it to normal when i don't know what that is. mental disorders are also interesting in the way society treats them. whenever i talk to my parents about how it's harder to function and that it would be easier if my brain were built the way our society is structured, i'm always met with "but then you wouldn't be you". which is true, and all good and well, but that doesn't take away from the fact that it's a disorder. there are negative aspects that people tend to forget or look past. does that mean it's always terrible all the time? no. my anxiety disorder doesn't put me in a constant state of fear, and my adhd doesn't mean i can't pay attention. however, i do struggle to pay attention, along with many other things. and when i worry, it tends to be an excessive and unhealthy amount. my brain likes to jump to the worst possible conclusion first. and then it's stuck playing in my head. anxiety it definitely one thing i could do without. i couldn't tell you how neurotypical people worry and fear, except that it's probably less. over the past seven years since my diagnosis, i have found ways to calm myself down, or make things easier. but it's still a struggle, and it unfortunately always will be. when i first got diagnosed, i asked my mom if adhd and anxiety were something i'd grow out of. i was nine and didn't know anything about it. it would be amazing if i could grow out of it. then i could definitely function easier. bugs are a really big issue for me. they always have been. there was a bug in my room back in early 2020. we couldn't find it, and so we couldn't kill it. so i started sleeping in the spare room. then about a year ago i woke up, went in to the bathroom, and there was a bug on my chest. so then i started sleeping on the couch in the living room. i haven't been in my room in a while since that first incident. i don't even think i was supposed to be in the spare room permanently. but it's part of a never-ending issue that i'm still learning to live with. and as time goes on, hopefully it becomes easier, but in my mind there's always the chance it could become more difficult.

[jennymay]

I feel bad again. I didn’t have a good day today. Things have been okay with usual anxiety. But I have had another bad day. Filled with anxiety and just sadness. Sometimes I can override it and feel okay but today was just, bad. As I’ve now said 3 times.

I just don’t feel good about anything. I feel dread for my life. For living. Knowing this is gonna keep going and going and going. Just dreadful, the whole thing. Nothing to live for. Nothing makes me happy. Just nothingness all the time. Wake up and work, go home smoke, bedtime. Everyday. Weekends are sometimes different but at the end of the day I go back to being empty and numb. So what is the point?

I’m over heating right now. I have really hot flushes and my face turns bright red and my body feels boiling hot on the inside. And all I’ve done is sit here. Sometimes I can feel myself overheating like I can physically feel if. It goes through me like a wave. A wave of fire going through me. That’s genuinely how it feels. Hard to understand if you haven’t felt it before.

There’s just no happiness in my life anymore and I don’t think it can be fixed really, I think that’s just growing up. The lord you grown, the more you learn and you realise how bad the world is and how bad people are.

Demi makes me anxious a bit too. She admitted it there was ever an issue she had with me, she wouldn’t tell me. She’d just stop talking to me. Which isn’t too nice to know about. I’d rather not know and have her slowly drift away from me. But now knowing if she doesn’t respond to me (which happens often) it means that she has an issue. That’s what I’m gonna think from now on and I think that sucks. I’m gonna have more anxiety over that because she will ghost me.

Hopefully she makes an excuse as to why we can’t talk anymore and I’m too dumb to realise the reason why. The less I know the better honestly. I don’t need more things to worry about. I’ll go into overdrive.

I feel like an overused PS4 that’s constantly overheating and making a loud noise. That’s how I imagine my brain. When you turn the PS4 on, I imagine that’s how my brain looks when I wake up. It starts turning on slowly and it glitches through the day and makes loud noises so I can’t understand my thoughts.

Anyway I don’t really have anymore to say, I just have no one to talk to so I come here because I’m lonely and make myself feel worse by discussing my problems. But I have nothing else to talk about. I don’t have nice and happy things in my life. I don’t even see the kids anymore because I’m too depressed. But I love them the same, I always will.

I see Emily Thursday which I’m excited for but also a bit, meh, about it. It means I’m gonna have to muster up a lot of energy. I have 0 lately so it will be tough but I’ll do it because I do wanna see her and I know she misses me. I feel guilty for everytime I hang out with demi. It’s very strange that I now see demi more than emily. Just a weird sentence I would’ve been confused about if this was 5 years ago. I know Emily hates me for it. She doesn’t hate demi, she’s just jealous of her.

Anyway. Again I’m rambling shit because I’m

Upset and have no one to talk to. I know I do but I’m gonna be real, no one cares. And I don’t mean that in an attention seeking way. I just know that no one cares. And hearing people say “you can always talk to me!” Pisses me off. Cause it’s not true so why would I waste my time. And then if I do talk to them, it’s about them, or the subject changes. Or they just don’t get it at all. Then what? It’s just a waste. I understand why people lull themselves and don’t talk to people about it

Bc whag will they do? Fix it? Lmao. Ridiculous. Anyways. Depressed depressed. Watch, tomorrow I’ll probably have a new found respect for life and living. And won’t understand why I wanted to kill myself. Oh wow didn’t even realise I was suicidal til literally just then. It’s these lack of meds. They’re making me suicidal. I always think about dying but not like this. This is what I would call suicidal. And I can’t stand sam.

[speakmindfully]

Finding a messy messy self

Is it weird that sometimes I feel like I have a bunch of different aesthetics? I say aesthetics instead of personalities but maybe it’s a mix of both. Who knew finding yourself could be so lonely and confusing.

I’ve noticed a lot of changes within myself the past few months, mostly while grappling with who I consider myself to be at my core. If I’m being completely honest with myself, I don’t know if I ever created a moral code or defined values and boundaries with myself. I always considered myself moral with good intentions, but I don’t think I’ve clearly laid out values to hold myself and others to. Isn’t that silly? It feels wrong, and strange, and has caused a mild identity crisis within me. Is that why I feel like I can be two totally different people depending on the situation? 

I give myself grace in that we’re all constantly working on ourselves, you can only focus on one aspect at a time and it all happens gradually. For example, I deleted snapchat like 6 months ago and twitter years ago with the goal of having less of an online presence. Nixing those two were great, but now I use instagram stories like snapchat and I post all the time. I don’t like that trait in myself so I’m starting to try and cut back. Yet at the same time I love to post fun things I’m doing and just in general I enjoy it. So I’m at a war with what brings me actual joy vs striving to be the girl I WANT to be. This war then made me question why I like posting, I don’t get a lot of comments so I don’t think it’s external validation, but is it? I want to grow and glow in private more so I’m trying to give myself grace in that I need to practice posting less but not to feel too bad if I still post. 

This thought dump has no real order and I’m simply jumbling it all down as it comes to me because my brain has been flooded with thoughts the past few weeks about growth. I struggle and feel a little ashamed that I don’t have a defined set of morals or values I can rattle off the top of my head. I know what I value in others, but is that the same thing? Is it fake to just pick a few values I resonate with and then just decide that those are my values? Like how do I now as a fully grown and (hopefully) mature woman begin that process if I haven't already? The same thing goes with personal aesthetic. Certain situations I want to run away off grid in my decked out van life van and eat salads in jars with fruits and herbs I grow myself, wearing pinks and golds and whites, minimalist makeup, crazy hair, and just living like a beautiful boho vagabond. Other times I want to do high end fancy hair and makeup with a city-sleek bright accessories neutral upscale basics outfit living in a tiny overpriced apartment in the city, staying out until 4am, breaking hearts and being a cold selfish bitch who’s only out here for her friends and herself. I think I idealize that rebel heartless girl because I feel things so deeply. I wish I didn’t. I’m not wishing I had no feelings, I just wish I was able to be more conservative with them. I care a lot, I overthink a lot, and I idolize this heart breaking city girl because in my mind she’s SO confident and secure in herself that she simply doesn’t care about anyone’s opinion other than her own. I wish I could shut my feelings off like a valve, or simply not pay them any mind. I don’t quite know how to do that exercise where you simply acknowledge a feeling, feel it, and let it pass. I’ve just started becoming comfortable with allowing feelings to be felt in real time, but the processing section I’m still struggling with. As much as I wish I didn’t have certain feelings, or the intensity of those feelings, I think it’s far more brave to be liberal and free with your feelings, and I feel as though I’ll be stronger by having them; yet I don’t mentally feel or register that strength. It’s that dilemma where you’re like AM I actually strong for this? but then you see the alternative/what having no feelings/bottled up feelings are like and are like Right, I’m super glad I am the way that I am. Idk if that makes sense. I’m sad that my ability to express myself when I’m mind dumping has significantly declined, I guess that’s what happens when you do so much school and research that your abilities change. I knew we all had certain amounts of talent allocated to certain skills but I never thought the pie graph would switch so drastically.

Which leads me to another point. I’ve become to praise the erudite much less than I used to. I absolutely had a complex a lot of my life that idolized and awed at book smarts. I saw this as the supreme form of intelligence and it was really a very ugly side of me that I denied or tried to hide for a decent part of my life. It still impresses to no end when someone is book smart, but I find it far more impressive now when people are people smart, or emotionally smart, or practically smart. I wish I knew how to adult better, I think it kind of scares me so I bury myself in books and school and surround myself with information that is familiar. I shouldn't, and I’m slowly trying to unlearn that. Every partner I’ve been with I’d rely on them for the practical life-knowledge side of things. I’m trying to teach myself all of that so I can be completely independent and not need anyone for anything (in terms of a partner). It’s difficult though. To balance it all. I’ve been figuring all the big girl life stuff on my own since moving out and it makes me sad that I’m not further along. I appreciate those who are very different from me, for example someone who does manual labor or a trade, that’s so freaking cool because I would be absolutely atrocious at that. I like the idea that people in your life should be wildly different from you so that you can bring a new perspective into everything you do. Like how I never want to be with someone in medicine. I’d be bored, we’d both know the same things and not know the same things and that’s boring. Yet given my field, and the commitment to school and lack of conventional jobs, I feel like I may end up being with someone in medicine and it makes me kind of sad. I like the dichotomy in difference. 

Going a bit into love, that silly little word. I’m trying to grow myself in that way too. Both self love and romantic love. I’m not looking to date anyone yet, I think I’m far to un-healed for that. So exploring self-love has been my top priority. The thing is, since I’m such a romantic, I crave all of the things I’d want a partner to do for me. I buy myself flowers, I put on a pretty dress and take myself to a pretty study spot and listen to music, I say my affirmations. Idk self love can be a bit lonely because I can do for myself kind of what any man could minus certain physical affections, but the things I can’t do are what I miss. And when I say miss, I don’t mean I miss them from my past relationship, because the things I “miss” I crave because I never GOT them in my last relationship. I crave to feel valued, and like I’m an amazing and interesting person that they’re fascinated with. I want to be an object of fascination ( and you get what I mean about object I’m not trying to be PC here). I’m gonna toot my own horn and refer to my self-love-letter in that I think I’m a freaking catch. I think I’m interesting as hell, wicked smart, creative, unique, and diverse and would make any man proud to have me. Yet, why do I still not see that when it comes to certain guys. How is it that on my own the self-love is there, but I get so rattled if I don't receive that interest from someone I’m talking to? I try to avoid men for now because I want to continue growing and solidifying my independence but I’d be lying if I didn’t crave hanging out with someone and them telling me I’m fascinating or something. I love to love and I also equally miss doing things for others. I wish I could surprise someone with a cute personalized gift, or a book, or to plan really fucking cute date ideas for. I get a LOT of fulfillment from doing that stuff with my girl friends, but sometimes a romantic companion is nice. Now don’t laugh and “I told you so” since we rattle off this debate ALL THE TIME.. I’m NOT saying I want a partner not a friend, but most of my friends are in new relationships or back together with their exes so I’ve had a lot more time alone. I think I have a bit too much love in my system so it has nowhere to bubble over to and when I get drunk or horny I’ll say stupid shit and I just wish I could can the fuck up and keep my mouth shut. I make a fool of myself when I think with my heart and not my head. But I can’t fault it too much because the heart speaks truths the brain wishes it could stifle.

I want to not want love for awhile. I want love to not really exist in my mind for awhile, unless it’s self love and finding peace in building confidence alone. That’s why I’ve decided to make a list of things that make me uncomfortable or anxious to do alone, and to go do them alone. I want to embrace the alone and start making fun challenges and games around it to help me gain confidence and turn the narrative of being alone and finding yourself. I have not a damn clue what I’m doing but I have to start somewhere. I already have a few major ones lined up in the next few weeks so hopefully things go according to plan and I’ll come out of them feeling proud and accomplished. I don’t mind if I find company along the way, I just want to go into it thinking I did it. Cheers to breaking barriers and changing the narrative on being alone. And to self growth, whatever it is I’m doing, praying I’m doing some of it right.

[ghostplantss]

Brickclub 1.1.1 - 2 + Introduction

Hello! I’m Alice she/her/hers, trying to catch up to brick club, not the sharpest pencil in the drawer, knows near nothing, so this’ll be something of a miscellaneous collection of rambles just for myself and hopefully it’ll work out!

1.1.1

M. Myriel! I adore you and I’ve missed you terribly

Footnotes and app “common knowledge” say that the inspiration for M. Myriel is de Miollis, bishop of Digne from 1806 to 1838, emigrated to Rome during the revolution, anti-napoleon, bought back church land confiscated by the frev.

Mgr Myriel dans les miserables

According to this article, which I cannot understand since it is in French, jvj was based on pierre Morin, released after 5 years in prison for stealing bread for his sister’s starving family, couldn’t find a job or shelter, was taken in by the aforementioned bishop and died in the battle of Waterloo - does this have anything to do w the pontmercy? 

de miollis was born 19 june, 1753 instead of? 1815 - 75 = 1740? I couldn’t find anything remotely interesting that happened in 1740 except marquis de sade’s birth and hopefully that was an unfortunate coincidence. 

he had 15 siblings, 7 of whom died young, 4 brothers, 4 sisters. of whom one brother took on the family business of conseiller, two (i think) were generals under napoleon - family dinners must’ve been difficult - and the last was a prefect. Hugo says Myriel had 2 brothers, a prefect and a general, which is close enough. de Moillis does not have a sister baptistine, but he does have a sister named anne magdeleine de moillis, married to a marquis, with a servant named genevieve. the article says perhaps hugo thought the name genevieve too noble for a servant, which i find silly bc magloire’s a perfectly lovely name. so i went in looking for his relationship with baptistine and felt terribly cheated to realize hugo had fabricated the sister almost entirely which i suppose is fair.

I think the article says that de Moillis was given the position bc his brother was a general under napoleon. and that the hospital thing fabricated as well but! i’m sloth and articles are so entirely dull. 

A 17th century precursor to Mgr Myriel

This article posits that the creation M. Myriel was influenced by Lancelot’s 17th century novel relation d'un voyage d'aleth which sounds terribly interesting and i must look into it aaaand i’m terribly off topic

SO ANYHOW: 

Myriel emigrated to Italy just as the revolution began and when Napoleon left Italy for France, one by fortune and the other by choice. And he said he was a good man while Napoleon was a great man - I promised myself I’d get throw the next book to call Napoleon a great man at the wall, but alas, I’m reading this digitally - so they’re somewhat opposites! 

Myriel was in an arranged marriage and indulged in affairs, which his later parishioners v consciously forgot, which? I suppose? Shows his love for them is more unconditional than theirs for him? And could? Well? Parallel how ppl were so reluctant to look into the past of Madeleine and how easily they forsook poor jvj as soon as the v ancient news reemerged

Young myriel sounds like such a riot! A bit like? Courfeyrac aka the nicer tholomyès aw imagine if he were cosette’s father instead? I’m sure he wouldn’t abandon her Oh no I’m off topic but I suppose Hugo here’s either saying? Affairs aren’t virtuous and so ppl are capable of change - which would be hypocritical of him - or affairs are ok as long as you take responsibility and such which? i suppose I can get behind. Of course, with the ease of getting divorces nowadays, hopefully people wouldn’t stay in loveless arranged marriages. I remember, when I first read the book, being rather discomfited by the way Myriel seems to ignore how his actions affect women who depend on him? Such as the voluntary scarcity he not only devoted himself to but also foisted upon his sister and sweet Magloire. And? now the way he cheated on his wife, who probably wished no part in this relationship either, but has less freedom than he does in this marriage but ah now I’m terribly off topic and bumming myself out.

I wish there were more said on the 30 years they were married, on their exile to italy, i want to know it all! “Nobody knows” says the omniscient narrator oh come on Hugo spill the beans on myriel! I am the brainless gossiping mob tell me everything

I love magloire and baptistine’s descriptions I love them both! Hugo says a lady needs to be a mother to be venerable but i think that’s just you Hugo you have this odd thing for feral saintly mothers and who can blame you. Mlle. baps is an aspiration! mme. Magloire too! She’s so hard working despite being ill, and it just isn’t right she should be the only one to be so busy when she has asthma

I know I shouldn’t ship them but reason escapes me

1740: born

1758- 1760: 18-20 arranged marriage

1790ish: 50ish emigrated to Italy - wife died of? consumption?

1806: 66 become bishop

1815: 75 current

Cool quotes:

“La révolution survint, les événements se précipitèrent, les familles parlementaires décimées, chassées, traquées, se dispersèrent.” - it flows so nicely!

“M. Myriel devait subir le sort de tout nouveau venu dans une petite ville où il y a beaucoup de bouches qui parlent et fort peu de têtes qui pensent.” - such a burn and this is me! little brain and much tongue

on Mme. Baps: “et cette diaphanéité laissait voir l'ange… Sa personne semblait faite d'ombre … un peu de matière contenant une lueur ; de grands yeux toujours baissés ; un prétexte pour qu'une âme reste sur la terre.” aaa i adore this so much! to imagine her angelic, respectable, and made of shadows! 

1.1.2

Onto chapter 2! So um I know this is terribly off topic, but nap the bonbon said that an archbishop would have a stipend of 15000 francs while a bishop would be given 10000 francs, and this book published after les mis still cited the same numbers as well so it’s odd that Myriel has an annual stipend of 15000 francs? AHHh also! bonbon said that rectors - one class of them at least - would be paid 1500 francs annually, and i’m not entirely sure, but isn’t a curé a rector? as hugo said, myriel never really took more money than he needed. BUT he allocated 1000 francs instead of 1500 for his personal stipend and so I’m! very! confused! i feel like i’m v earnestly explaining how a triangle has four sides. i swear i’ll move on.  

(adding on oh god i just realized?? baps gets 500 a year? i really hope myriel isn’t counting her pension as part of his own personal expenses... though itt does say that “Avec ces quinze cents francs, ces deux vieilles femmes et ce vieillard vivaient.” but that would be rather despicable)

I love the part where he converts the palace to a hospital! hugo started off by describing the extravagance and grandeur of it all, and then juxtaposing it to? the hospital and myriel’s decision to swap houses and there’s something terribly satisfying about the layout. just. how it ends with “Il y a erreur, je vous dis. Vous avez mon logis, et j'ai le vôtre. Rendez-moi ma maison. C'est ici chez vous.” it all wraps so nicely!

The book reiterates how Myriel’s family was ruined by the frev - to what extent, for both of his brothers are employed by the napoleonic government. To that end, it almost appears as a sort of denouncement of violent social change. However, that isn’t quite what myriel believes, it seems, at least according to his budget? since he allocates more to the People as opposed to family, so i’m very confused. Perhaps Hugo is saying that the sacrifices of a few good men who benefit from an unjust system is necessary. 

Myriel took the transportation fee! it was hilarious. of course, i do have mixed feelings because M. Préameneau was right, it’s ridiculous for someone in such a small parish to apply for a carriage fee, which was at least partially why Myriel ultimately chose the donkey. and i’m supposing this most likely sets a terrible precedent for the next bishop of digne who might not have similar philanthropist sentiments. so Hugo’s saying we’re allowed to take advantage of a broken system as long as our own ends are good? how machiavellian! and the buildup was hilarious even if we all knew myriel would never pocket the money himself. poor Mme. Magloire though, it sounded like the household really could have used the money. I think the way she said? that he began by being kind with other people, and now he will end with us? it’s almost rather tragic. that he should’ve neglected the feelings of the people closest to him. 

Hugo seems to have? Baps represent the spirit and Magloire the body, or at least more worldly worries, which seems rather classist of him . I suppose it might be a necessary evil of liking symbols so much - you inevitably fall into stereotypes - and i do love them both, but it makes me uncomfortable. 

Posts from other ppl I want to keep: 

pilf: 

- “il y a toujours encore plus de misère en bas que de fraternité en haut, tout était donné, pour ainsi dire, avant d'être reçu” + charity

- that baps “venerates” her brother, and that he lists all their monetary needs as his own personal expenses, despite the fact that they are the ones managing the household and the money and that they are living off the money same as him, and?? baps only gets 500 yearly, half of what her brother considers a meagre sum

- and aaaa i love how pilf said that it isn’t an admirable move to force those around you to live according to your own morals. just. yes. baps and magloire don’t esp have a choice. and?? magloire and baps really did carry the brunt of the burden. Myriel was able to stay afloat “grâce à la sévère économie de madame Magloire et à l'intelligente administration de mademoiselle Baptistine.” 

akallabeth: 

- how the specificness of the itemized list shows intent and research into the most underserved individuals + causes in his parish: 1. soup for hospital 2. debtors w families

- “And he calls the almsgiving his household expenses. The young man asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” The bishop responds, “The poor are my family.”” (i couldn’t find this quote! but it is amazing!)

- pfff his swanky, company-provided house. i love it

- 15000 francs approx 3 mil usd or 58 workers’ annual wages, which means?? bap’s pension is worth? two adult male workers’ wages? wow

- Myriel uses vous for Magloire