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quackeroos · 4 years

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spring day pt.2 | p.parker

Pairing: peter parker x Stark!Hanahaki!reader, peter parker x michelle jones

Summary: peter discovers the truth about y/n’s condition. y/n had already accepted the inevitable, but peter wasn’t. he came up with a plan that could possibly save her, now all he has to do is get her to agree with it.

Warnings: all through out this story there will be mentions of blood, death, and will contain pining and angst.

Words: 5.6k for everyone!

A/n: your positive feedback from part 1 inspired me so much while i was writing this, so thank you guys so much! i didn’t expect Spring Day to reach 300+ notes in a week ‘coz my past works didn’t... well before. so thank you so much! i forgot to mention this in the first part, but the the idea of naming this series came from BTS’ song “Spring Day”. you guys can listen to the song while reading it! but if you’re not into kpop, that’s fine. why did i name this series “Spring Day”? you’ll find out at the end of the series.next update will hopefully by next week. my birthday writing challenge is still on-going, so everyone is still welcome to join! ARI’S BIRTHDAY WRITING CHALLENGE!

*gif is not mine

General Masterlist | Series Masterlist

“Hanahaki. It’s a disease caused by unrequited love, wherein flowers grow inside your chest and cover up your respiratory system, making the host cough up petals and blood until you die.”

Peter was silent for a moment. He was sitting beside her. Mask in hand, his head hung low, just looking at the pile of petals and blood. Everything was still a blur for him, so he replied with a low tone. “How long have you had this?”

“A few years.”

Peter winced at her reply. She had been hiding her disease for years and didn’t tell him? Peter tried to remain cool, hoping she could explain more. There had to be a reason why she hid it from him and their friends. Everything she does after all was for a reason. “Why didn’t you tell any of us you’ve had this for so long? We could’ve helped you.”

She sighed. “Peter, even if I told you guys, there’s nothing you can do.” Even though he couldn’t see her face, the sadness was laced in her voice.

“What do you mean that there’s nothing we can do? There has to be a cure for that!”

“It’s isn’t that simple, Peter.” She stood up from her bed facing him, making Peter look up at her. “It’s either I get surgery or… or my love gets requited. And surgery doesn’t always work.”

He scoffed, “So you plan on giving up?”

“I’m doing the surgery. Pepper has already talked to Stephen and Christine about it. I’m getting the surgery by the end of the week.”

“But you said it yourself that the surgery doesn’t always work! Y/n the best chance you have is getting your love requited.” As if that wasn’t the most obvious answer. Y/n almost laughed, if only he knew. There was a time she did thought of that. Try and come between MJ and Peter to save herself from the heartbreak and the disease. Maybe she could do that? Be selfish for once. After all, all her life she had been used to giving, sharing, putting others before herself. But the little voice at the back of her mind was keeping her from doing so. She couldn’t do that to MJ. Most specially, she couldn’t do that to Peter. She had always been at the side, watching him pine over MJ ever since she became more open to their little friend group.

“Who is it then? Who did you fall in love with?” his tone was cold, and it chilled Y/n to the bone.

“You knowing who it is won’t make a difference. He’s already in love with someone else.”

“Then maybe he’ll listen to reason. Y/n, you’re dying!” he stood up, there was a glint of hope in his eyes and Y/n’s heart ached. If anything, she didn’t want to see that hopeful glint in his eyes. It would only hurt more to tell him the whole truth. “Maybe if me and the others can talk to this guy, we can – “

“Pete.”

“—We can try and make him fall in love with you! Then-then you’re cured! You’ll be back to normal.”

“Pete.” She whispered softly, begging him to stop. But Peter continued to ramble on, walking around her room in a quick pace.

“Or we can try and introduce you to some suitors! Speed dating, you know? You’ll fall in love with someone else and maybe your love gets requited back!”

“Peter! It doesn’t work that way, okay!” Y/n finally found her voice. She couldn’t take it anymore. If Peter continued with his hopeful rambling, it’ll become harder and harder to tell him the truth. The despairful truth is better revealed than hiding it behind a hopeful lie. “Hanahaki doesn’t work that way. Love doesn’t work that way! You can’t just beg someone to fall in love with me!”

He turned hot on his heel. “Then what am I supposed to do? Watch you die?”

“That’s not what I’m—”

“Then what, Y/n?! I’m trying to give possible options that might work and-and you just turn them down!”

“That’s because it won’t work!” Her tone matched his. The two were overlapping each other in the heated argument, the loud voices in their heads are all over the place. “Peter, the only solution to this is the surgery. The guy is too far gone. He’s in love, Pete. And the one he’s dating is in love too. I can’t ruin what they have. They’re too good for each other.”

The air between them became calm, a bit more relaxed because of the sincerity in Y/n’s voice. He can tell that she truly loves the guy. Y/n was willing to sacrifice herself and her love for the sake of the two. And it didn’t matter if she was the one who has to suffer just so they could be together. But Peter isn’t having it.

“Tell me.” He gave her a hard look. “Tell me who the guy is.”

Y/n shook her head, “Pete—”

“I’m not letting you die just because of some stupid guy Y/n! I won’t have it! You deserve to live just as everyone does! You deserve to be loved just as they do because I know how much you have given to them - to everyone!” Peter was tearing up. “And the world hasn’t been kind to you too! If anything Y/n, you deserve a lot more because the world has taken a lot from you.”

The pain, the grief, the sadness, everything washed over her. It was like a tsunami of every bad feeling hitting her, and she was in the strike zone, all of it was because of what Peter had said. She didn’t want to feel it. She’s already tired of crying. Wasn’t it already enough? The silent sobs came out of her mouth and the tears were welling up in the corners of her eyes, slowly rolling down in a hot trail.

“If I tell you, everything won’t be the same again.” Her voice was soft and quiet, but it was enough for Peter to hear. His expression changed into confusion. He could feel her heartbeat increase in pace and her anxiety was waving off her.

Peter carefully asked, “What do you mean?”

She bit her lip, anxious to speak out to form the words that’s been sitting in the back of her mind for the past three years she had known him. It took a lot of courage to meet his eyes. She had thought she was would ready to do this, but let’s be honest, since when was anyone ever ready to confront the person they’re in love with? It was a great risk, but Y/n had to let it out now.

“You.” She replied hoarsely. “Ever since sophomore year, it was you.”

It felt like the wind knocked out the air out of Peter. Was he hearing this right? He had to be imagining things. He couldn’t possibly be the one that’s killing her, right? Everything Y/n felt for him was purely platonic.

It had to be.

The new discovery sent Peter in a whirlwind of emotions. Anger, guilt, sadness, and regret, all rolled into one. He didn’t expect to feel anger, but he did. Though he wasn’t exactly sure who he was angry with. He was angry at himself, for not recognizing what his best friend felt for him all this time and being the cause of her pain. Angry at the disease, because it’s consuming her, and now her time is numbered. He was angry at her, because she didn’t tell him about everything sooner. But Peter didn’t have the heart to be mad at her, even after everything. Because in the end, she made the choice not to tell, and she cared for him and MJ so much that it didn’t matter if her own happiness and life was at stake. Y/n was only human after all. And she was too good for this world.

He lets out a heavy breath. It was still hard to grasp what Y/n just said. It felt like he was going to have a sensory overload. “W-Why? Why? Why didn’t you tell me this before?” his voice was slowly starting to break. The weight of guilt pulling him down to the ground.

“Because this is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want to you to blame yourself for this, Pete. It’s not your fault, it never was.” She put a hand on his shoulder, but it burned him to feel her sympathetic touch.

“How can you say that this isn’t my fault?! Y/n you’re dying because of me. You got this disease because of me! How can you not blame me for this?!”

“Because it’s mine Peter.” She replied calmly. “It’s my fault. I was stupid to fall in love with you and keep it to myself. But I did, Pete.” She took his hand in hers and held it tightly, hoping it might console him. “I fell, and I don’t regret doing so.” A sorrowful smile grew on her face, and instead of giving Peter comfort, he felt bad even more. Y/n was smiling despite the pain. “I never blamed you for this, and I never will. You never even knew in the first place, and I didn’t tell you about it.”

No matter what consolation Y/n would say or soothing gestures, Peter still blamed himself for it. But he didn’t have to tell her that. He didn’t tell her anything, just let her speak out the thoughts that ran in her mind. She was caught off guard when he pulled her in, instantly wrapping his arms around her, and holding on tightly. She could feel her shirt become wet and the silent sobs that came out of his lips. He holds on tightly to her; he feared the coming future. He was scared of losing her, he couldn’t handle losing another person in his life.

“I’m sorry Y/n. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not seeing it sooner. I’m sorry.” He spoke in a hushed voice, and in between the sentence, hiccups would escape his mouth. She circled her arms around him and return the hug, though hers was gentler, made to soothe Peter. The scent sends her heart into a frenzy and it hurt when she realized how this may be the last time she was ever going to be this close to him. “Please, don’t take the surgery. You said it was risky right? That most of the time, the surgery doesn’t work.”

“There’s a 20% chance I might survive. It’s risky, but I’m willing to bet on it.”

“Don’t take it, please. There has to be another way.” He begged.

Y/n shook her head in his shoulder. “I’m taking the surgery, Pete. It’s for the better.”

Peter’s silent sobs echoed around the room, and he held onto her even tighter. He refused to accept it. He doesn’t want to the fact that he was about to lose Y/n too. She rubbed soothing circles around his back, and Y/n can tell it was working. His breathing was slowly becoming steady.

“You should go back to the apartment, Pete. You’re tired, you need rest.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Pete.” She sighed, “You have to go home. May will be wondering where you are. And you need sleep.”

“I’ll sleep here with you.” His voice was muffled by the cloth of her shirt.

“Stop being so stubborn, Pete.”

“I’m not- “

She pulled away from the hug, holding both shoulders in her hands with a hard look on her face. Her eyes were still red from crying and was sniffling a bit, but the authority she held in her voice made her look so strong. “You are going home. That’s final Peter. Don’t make me fly your ass back to the apartment.”

If this was a different situation, Peter would’ve laughed at her. She always found Y/n’s foul mouth entertaining. She was a bit smaller than he was and watching her curse with a hot head made her look like an angry puppy, punk-ass sprites from that one Pixar movie. But it wasn’t. The air still held the same tension, and both still couldn’t stop themselves from crying.

Although he didn’t approve of leaving, he had to comply. Peter nodded and broke away from the hug. She ushered him to her window and Peter settled himself on the wide window ledge. He took a moment and stayed for a bit. He didn’t want to leave just yet. But the pleading eyes Y/n gave him made him sigh.

Peter pulled his mask down and jumped off, swinging into the night. Y/n stayed watching by her window, making sure he was heading off back to his apartment. Once he was out of sight, laid back in her bed and lets out a heavy sigh. The memory of Peter’s sob and the feel of his arms wrapped tight around her made her remember the time when Tony died. It was painful, and everything reminded her of that awful memory. Minutes later, Peter’s message lit up her phone, notifying her that he was back at the apartment safe. She typed back a reply, only keeping it short.

Okay. Get some rest.

And placed it back on her nightstand. She didn’t want to type out anything longer as it just be harder for her to fall asleep with the already heavy feeling in her chest. She turned on her side and switch off the light.

***

The next day, Y/n woke up to the sound of giggling and bouncing. The high-pitched voice very familiar to her. She immediately recognized the voice that belonged to her little sister, Morgan. All though she had only met her on the day of their father’s funeral, she became attached to the five-year-old in an instant. She loves the little girl to bits, and almost everything she did reminded her of her late father.

“Y/n! Y/n, Y/n, Y/nnnn! Wake up!” she bounced on the bed, shaking her sister’s body. “Mommy is making breakfast!” to the little girl’s dismay, the teen only groaned and covered her head with a pillow. The young Stark huffed and went to Y/n’s side, opening one of her eyes. “Big Sis, wake uuuupp!!”

She sighed in defeat, sitting up on her bed. “All right, all right. I’m up.” A sweet smile makes its way on little Morgan face and she squeals when her sister picked her up from the bed as they make their way downstairs. “Are you feeling better now Y/n? Are the petals and blood gone?” Morgan asked sweetly, looking at her with her doe-like eyes that were always full of curiosity and mischief. It was a trait in the Stark family, and like Y/n, Morgan had inherited their father’s eyes.

“A little, but I’ll be fine soon.”

“You were crying last night. Did something happen?”

Y/n shakes her head. “Just a bad dream Mo. Nothing to worry about.”

“Maybe I can sleep with you next time. That way you won’t get bad dreams!” her face light up at the idea. Morgan had grown to love sleeping in her sister’s room, and vice versa. Something about having someone to tell her stories until she falls asleep, to keep the nightmares at bay, and to wake up beside her big sister. She could only mirror the smile Morgan had on her face and agreed with her.

Once they reached the common area, Pepper was already setting up a plate of pancakes and a bowl of berries on the kitchen table. Sam and Bucky were settled at the living room, watching the television as they ate their breakfast, Rhodey was already finished with breakfast and was making his way out to who knows where, while Wanda was settled on a stool, eating the pancakes Pepper had made beforehand.

“G’morning Mommy!” Morgan bellowed at the strawberry blonde who walked towards them and kissed both of their heads in greeting, ruffling Y/n’s hair to wake her senses up, along with the smell of freshly made pancakes to make her stomach grumble. “Y/n was hard to wake up. But I did it! So, mission accomplished!”

“That you did, sweetie. Great job!” Pepper cooed.

Y/n groaned as she held the sides of her head, “My head is pounding. I’m gonna go make coffee.” It was a daily ritual for her. Every morning she would wake up to Morgan bouncing on her bed and make her disoriented for a bit and leave her a bit wooly. She excused herself from the kitchen island and made her way towards the coffee maker. She doubled the amount of coffee since Sam and Bucky would want some too. Too engrossed with the smell and making her cup, she didn’t notice the presence of her Stepmother standing her.

“Your eyes are red. Did something happen?” she asked, worry laced in the tone.

“Yeah. I just had a bad dream is all.” Y/n shook her head.

“I heard Peter’s voice. Both of you were crying at dawn, Y/n.” She held her breath. Of course Pepper heard. She slept at Morgan’s room last night. Y/n can’t exactly lie to Pepper, nor can she keep a secret from her for a long period of time. The woman had a knack for knowing what’s running through Y/n’s mind, what she was hiding and when she was hiding it. It made Pepper look like she was her biological mother after all this time.

Y/n chuckles jokingly, the infamous smirk slowly appearing on her lips. “Alright, you got me Pep.” She didn’t reply at her. Only kept silent with an expectant look that tells her to continue and share what had happened in the middle of the night. She lets out a breath, “I had another episode that night. While I was in the bathroom, Peter came into my room, and he saw… everything. I told him about the Hanahaki and the surgery. He didn’t take it too well.” Y/n didn’t want to elaborate everything. Peter’s cries and pleads were still fresh in her memory. If she stretched the story further, it’ll start over again. And she already had enough for one day.

Pepper took her in for a hug and place a comforting hand on her back, rubbing it soothingly. “He was gonna find out sooner or later, you know that Y/n.”

She sighs, “Yeah.”

Pepper kissed her forehead lovingly and held both her shoulders, “Peter cares so much about you. He’ll understand.” Y/n could only hope he would. Deep down, Pepper didn’t really want her to do the surgery. She had thought of another possible way, but it was too much to ask for. Stephen had already said the operation would be very risky, so that was already crossed out of her list… But she then thought of Tony. If he was still here, he would’ve taken the chance on getting Y/n to go into surgery, pull all-nighters every day, just so he could save his daughter. So, Pepper agreed to Y/n’s choice.

The morning continued with the usual routine; Wanda playing her guitar, learning new songs or writing whenever inspiration hit her, Sam taking rounds around the compound to make sure there were no intruders, and Bucky would be training for hours in the gym. Y/n used to go with Bucky to train more on her physicality and fighting techniques. But ever since she came back from the trip, Stephen and Pepper had banned her from stepping foot in the gym.

So she went to her lab. Tinkering her suit and sketching some ideas that would randomly come into her mind. Morgan kept her company most of the time. The little girl would wear the prototype helmets for her suit and would impersonate her and their father (she mostly did Tony), play with Dum-E, or sit beside her and observe to just pass the time. Y/n felt like having a tail, and she didn’t mind Morgan’s company, not one bit. She needed someone to get her mind off of Peter after all. And for the past few weeks of keeping her distance from the arachnid, Morgan had replaced the hole that Peter left in her heart.

***

By the time the sun went down, Y/n’s stomach began to rumble. She told Morgan to go fetch some snacks for them so they can eat it in the lab. But too engrossed in her work, Y/n failed to notice that her sister had already been gone for an hour. She looked at her watch. It was time for dinner anyway, so she left her things and journeyed back to the common living room. She could hear her sister’s giggles from the stairs and another voice that made her heart feel unsteady. Her feet stopped moving when she saw Peter, happily playing with Morgan who was on his back and arms looped around his neck. They were running around the living room and Peter made horse noises to make the roleplay believable. It was a sight to see, something that would warm her heart and swell.

Morgan’s eyes lit up when she noticed her big sister in the room. “Y/n!” She exclaimed, and Peter stood up straight as the little girl brought his attention to Y/n. Both of their eyes read the same expression. His eyes were better than before, no red and not puffy anymore. He looked well, compared to Y/n’s tired one’s.

The little girl climbed down the teen’s back and ran towards her sister, pulling at her arm to meet Peter in between. “Mommy told me to keep Peter company while she cooked dinner! He’s the horse while I’m the princess.” her giddiness showing in the little hops that she does. Morgan didn’t know about the feelings she has for Peter, but ever since he first saw him at the funeral, then his visits to the compound, she loved seeing her sister and her friend together. And more often than not Morgan teased her with Peter. The little rascal had a glint in her eyes and Y/n could only pray that Morgan doesn’t do her teasing in front of him.

“You should join us Y/n! You can be the Queen and Peter will be the Knight.”

As if on cue, Wanda called from the dining table for dinner. She was helping Pepper set up the table with the dishes they made. Bucky was already on his seat and Sam was making juice in the kitchen. It was rare for the Avengers to be sitting in the dining table along with the Starks. They mostly ate take outs and Wanda’s cooking if she wasn’t too lazy. They were lucky enough to have Pepper to cook for them when she wasn’t working late, and today was one of those days.

“You should join us Peter. We have an extra seat left.” Pepper came in with a pot in her hand as sets it down on the table.

Peter glances at Y/n, looking for signs of defiance, or anything that tells him not to stay. But she doesn’t say anything, instead, she jerks her head towards the table and led Morgan, he followed shortly after.

Shock flashed in everybody’s eyes when they saw Y/n coming in with Peter in tow but was quickly masked with a warm smile. “Here Peter, saved you a seat.” Rhodey patted to the one next to him. Y/n sat on the other side of the table, and it was obvious she wasn’t meeting Peter’s gaze. Thankfully, the adults knew how to keep the tension at bay. They included them in the conversation every once in a while. Peter tried to be more social to try and lighten Y/n’s mood, but she was still and quiet as a statue.

When she finished, she pushed off her seat and kissed Morgan’s temple. “I’ll be up in my room. Goodnight everyone.” She quickly made her way up the stairs. Something about Peter’s presence set off her mood. She thought she had already figured everything out in the past few hours she’s been cooped up in the lab, turns out she hadn’t. She had been avoiding it. And now that Peter was here (again), she didn’t know what to do. She was positive there was something he wanted to discuss. And handling another talk about her condition and their friendship was something she doesn’t want to do for the second time this day.

She heard a rap on her door and the person behind it didn’t mind waiting for a reply. Peter turned the knob and entered, closing the door behind him. “We need to talk.”

“There’s nothing else to talk about, Pete.” She avoided his eyes. “I told you, there’s no other way. I’m taking the surgery whether you have a say in it or not.”

“But there is a way.” He took a step forward, the same glimmer of hope in his eyes when he held her hand. “Y/n, I figured it out. You don’t have to take the surgery.”

She looked at him cluelessly, not following on what he’s getting at. “You ‘figured it out’? Peter, I don’t understand.”

“I wanna learn how to love you.”

Her eyes slowly widen, and she pulled her hands towards her and slowly backed away from Peter. “You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“I’m not Y/n. I want to save you.”

Y/n gave a bitter laugh. She had a hunch that Peter would think of that, she just didn’t believe something like that could happen, until now. “Peter, you can’t learn to love someone.”

“But what if I can? You’re not hard to love after all.”

Her hands ran through her hair, pursing her lips. “It doesn’t work that way Pete! And I’m not gonna let you ruin your relationship with MJ for this.” She started pushing him towards the door. It was already enough that he found out about her condition, but offering such a thing just to save her? Y/n’s already had it. She wanted to do it, deep down. But she decided against it. Peter was better off with MJ anyway. And if the surgery’s a success, she wouldn’t have to feel that pain anymore.

It was a win-win for the both.

Peter stood his ground and remained in the same place. “Why are you being stubborn? I’m trying to save you from this Y/n! I got you in this and I want to get you out of it!”

“Peter, it’s not your obligation to do this.”

“But it is! It is Y/n! I look at you and all I feel is I-I just have to, okay! Why won’t you just let me?”

“Because I don’t want you to!” She yelled out in frustration.

Heaves of heavy breaths fall from her lips, and the hard look she once had soften. “I don’t want you to force yourself to love me, Peter. It all comes out naturally, you know that. And I deserve more than that.” She took a step forward and was hesitant to take his hand in his. She decided to shove it in the pockets of her sweater instead. “Look, I’m content with what we already have Pete. Really, I am. I’m happy knowing that you finally have MJ as your girlfriend, I’m happy that you’re becoming better and better every day with your new suit, and I’m happy to see you becoming the man Dad had always seen in you ever since you first met. I’m happy with the thought of you as my friend, Pete. That you love me and care for me, just as how Dad did. And I’m okay with that. I’m okay with everything.”

It was silent for a moment, until Peter spoke breathlessly. “But is it enough to save you?”

The air got caught in her throat. She wanted to tell him ‘No. It wouldn’t.’. But if she did, Peter wasn’t going to let his option off the table. Tears started welling up in her eyes and when the hot trail rand down her cheek, she quickly swiped it away with her thumb. She didn’t notice Peter was slowly inching towards her, the distance between them becoming dangerously close. His breath fanned over her face and Peter lifted his hand to push away the baby hairs that stuck out of the unkept bun she made. He could feel her heart spike and her anxiety radiating off. He held her hand and place the other on her cheek in hopes to keep her calm at the proximity between them. His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, but he kept the same eyes trained on her, and behind it was something Y/n couldn’t read. As she was about to step back, Peter had already caught on and pulled her in before she could walk away.

Peter’s lips were soft. It looked soft even if she eyed it for a few moments, every time he pursed it when focusing, or wetting it with his tongue when he feels nervous and awkward. The feeling of his lips on hers made her body buzz and eyes cloud in haze. His lips felt soft, but this kiss was hard. Although Y/n’s heart was pounding, she didn’t feel any affection through the kiss. His features had already displayed the feeling; desperation, anger, sadness - all of it in a mix. His brows were furrowed, and Y/n could see a tear peeking underneath his eye.

If it were a normal setting, she would’ve kissed back. If she didn’t have the Hanahaki, If Peter did love her truly, if he wasn’t dating MJ, she would’ve melted in the kiss and loop her arms around him and play with the baby hairs on the back of his neck.

But it wasn’t. This is wrong.

She put her hand on his chest and pushed him forcefully, making him tumble. Shock and hurt painted on her face as she grazed her lips with her fingers. Her lips still buzzed with the feeling of Peter’s lips. She raised her chin and connected her eyes with his. “Why did you do that?” her voice was pained, soft, and regret laced in it.

“I wanted to.” He spoke truthfully.

He took a sure step towards her, taking out his hand to reach out but she pushes it away. The soft and pained look in her eyes transitioned into a hard-cold glare, hands tightened in fists, and lips start trembling. The tears were about to fall, and she didn’t want Peter to watch her and try comforting her.

What he did was already upsetting enough.

“Get out Peter.” She growled.

“I’m not leaving. Not until we finish talking— “

“Get the fuck out of my room Parker! I’m done talking about it! Get out!” She pushed him harder this time, but he didn’t move. Fucking super strength. He wasn’t making it any easier. She started punching him pathetically. Y/n knew she was already looking like an idiot, but Peter fucked her up. Bad.

“Leave Peter! I’m done! And don’t come back here again!”

“Y/n- “

“GET OUT!” She shoved his body hard enough to lead him to the hallway. The doors immediately shut and clicked before Peter could even get back to his feet and push it open. She can hear the knocks from the other side of the door and his voice calling out to her, telling her to open it and talk it out. But she was done with talking. And now her feelings and her senses are getting fucked up because of his stupid kiss. Y/n wanted to sob, wanted to bawl her eyes out like any normal teenager does when their hearts get broken.

But she didn’t.

She climbed in the bed and covered herself underneath the sheets and pillows. The sound behind her door was drowned out, and Y/n lulled herself to sleep. Fuck these feelings. Fuck her stupid heart. Fuck this disease.

Fuck Peter Parker for messing her up.

***

Over the course of the following days, Y/n ignored all of Peter’s attempts to make contact. Her phone ringed and buzzed for days, but not once did she pick up his calls. Her windows and blinds were shut in case he attempted to climb through the window. And his visits were no longer welcome. She made sure to lock her door unless no one else was inside the compound.

When surgery day came, she didn’t hear her phone sound off a notification from Peter. No calls, No messages. It was a quiet morning, which was a relief for Y/n. Pepper knocked on her door to let her know that Stephen and Christine will be coming in a few hours. They’ll run a few tests and proceed with the surgery. Her stomach felt empty, and the low rumble of her belly didn’t make it any easier. She was only allowed to drink a few glasses of water from time to time. God, I just want this to be over.

A knock on her door pulled her from her thoughts and she mumbled a soft ‘Come in’. Wanda peeked from her door with a gentle smile on her face. “Someone’s here for you.” Her heartbeat quickened and her temper rose.

“If it’s Peter, tell him to go fuck himself. I don’t plan on talking to him anytime soon.”

The witch shakes her head, “It’s not Peter.”

Her brows furrowed, confused. “Who is it then?” Who else would be visiting her? She wasn’t expecting anyone else. Wanda jerked her head inside the room and the mysterious visitor pushed the door open. The familiar long brown curls and the tanned complexion slowly unveiled behind the white door, and the I-don’t-give-a-fuck aura entered the room. Her stomach drop and the tension rose. There was another person she didn’t want to see, and it was the person now standing in front. Michelle stood with her usual cool and composed posture, but Y/n was the total opposite.

“So, I heard you’re getting a surgery?”

part 3 of Spring Day

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astoldbygingersnaps · 3 years

Text

#wip wednesday

since the latest chapter of star trek au continues to elude me (i swear to GOD i’ve been working on it; it’s about 2/3 of the way done and should hopefully be posted in a few weeks), i figured i’d go ahead and post a snippet of one my next projects, a fic i very briefly mentioned in my end of the year wrap-up post: the jurassic world au.

this is an idea i’ve always wanted to work on as a) a HUGE fan of the jurassic park franchise and b) a person who spent years as a dog trainer who was both puzzled and horrified by the raptor training in that movie. while this will probably be The Most Niche Fic of all my Very Niche Fics, i’m super happy with it so far and hope other people will be, too.

currently this project is sitting at about 18k and i’d like to have it completed, edited, and posted within the next few months. until then, enjoy this preview!

Itachi has never been the kind of person that believes in fate. As a boy his father had drilled the importance of hard work into his head, and it had been a lesson Itachi had carried with him long after he realized the man’s guidance wasn’t actually worth all that much. It wasn’t luck or good fortune that had led to Itachi many successes in life. Truthfully, fate had always seemed like a childish concept to him, an excuse for people to hang their hats on when things went wrong in their lives and they weren’t willing to take responsibility for their own actions.

That said, it’s hard for Itachi not to feel some sort of cosmic influence is manipulating his course in life when one day Uchiha Fugaku summons his eldest son into his office at the heart of Isla Nublar. Given his position as the puppetmaster of InGen, it isn’t often that his father actually finds himself on the humid and sandy shores of Jurassic World. But every time he does Itachi feels a familiar, childish pull of anxiety, a little voice in his head that drives himself to push himself to succeed, to please. It’s as if the last four years Itachi has spent almost single-handedly managing this glorified amusement park suddenly vanish in a puff as he meets his father’s judgemental black gaze.

“Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to meet with me,” Fugaku tells him, waving a hand to silently order Itachi to sit. And, as always, Itachi obeys his father’s commands.

“It’s no trouble, Father,” Itachi assures him as he settles into the immaculate white leather chair that no doubt costs half of his yearly salary. “Was there something you needed?”

“Yes and no,” Fugaku replies, which is fittingly ominous for the man. “I wanted to discuss a recent change that Hiruzen is implementing to the park.”

It takes an extraordinary amount of restraint on Itachi’s part to keep his comments regarding the CEO of Jurassic World and the sheer effort he spends weekly cleaning up the man’s air-headed messes to himself. For all the years he’s lived on the island--first as a boy while his father built his career, then as an intern after college, and finally as yet another cog in the Jurassic World machine--he’s regarded Sarutobi Hiruzen with an almost bleak sort of awe. It was shocking to Itachi that a man would possess such power and wealth, yet seem almost clueless when it came to maintaining that empire. Then again, he thinks dryly, perhaps all rich and influential men were nothing more than fools in the end.

Unaware of Itachi’s thoughts on the matter, Fugaku continues, “As I’m sure you’re aware, the board has been planning for sometime now to come up with a new attraction to boost both ticket and merchandise sales.” Of course Itachi is aware of it; it had been his idea in the first place. But, like most of his suggestions regarding Jurassic World, it had been thoroughly steamrolled until a man with more money and respect to his name could repackage it as his own brilliant, brand new invention. Which, as it were, is exactly what Hiruzen is planning to do. “The project has been in the works for a while now, but it’s going to be quite controversial. We thought it best to keep it under wraps until we were certain it was viable.”

“I take it you’re certain now?” Itachi asks, and Fugaku nods.

“We’ve had great success with the assets we’ve created so far, but as long as this park has been in construction there’s been one species that we’ve been unable to successfully replicate. Unfortunately, it’s also the one species that every dim-witted tourist that sets foot on this island is looking for.”

A chill works its way down Itachi’s spine as he guesses, “Velociraptors.”

It’s an idea that’s almost too macabre to even contemplate, let alone execute. For better or worse, the general public’s more than aware of the chaos and bloodshed that led to the destruction of the first park. It’s a shroud that lingers over Itachi’s everyday life, as no matter how hard he tries to maintain order and prioritize safety there will always be someone who looks at him as if he’s a capricious madman.

Because of Jurassic Park’s spectacular failure, the image of the velociraptor--a brilliant and ruthless predator stalking the shadows, picking men off one by one--has captivated the average person’s interest in a way that no other species has. So, ever since that original park, Jurassic World has been chasing the holy grail of a fully operational, successful, and controlled raptor exhibit--and, considering the way his father is currently speaking, Itachi’s sure the board has finally captured that elusive golden ticket.

“You’re correct,” Fugaku says, though at this point the admission isn’t necessary, and with careful muscular control Itachi holds back a frown. Perhaps this is the reason why no one decided to share this information with him despite the fact he’s the Operations Manager for this entire establishment; given the way he’s previously spoken about subjects such as animal welfare and reducing employee hazards, perhaps they sensed he wouldn’t exactly be on board with the wild idea of releasing one of the world’s most dangerous beasts onto the Earth again.

Either way, regardless of his own personal feelings on the decision, Itachi intends to oversee it with the same attention to detail he brings to any other project. “It’s a risky move, but it could prove to be quite lucrative if executed properly,” he eventually replies, evenly as he’s able. “I know in prior years other raptors were bred, but they were culled because they proved to be more trouble than they were worth. What’s changed since then?”

“According to our geneticists, the sequences on the upcoming crop will give them a reduced level of aggression and increased agreeability, though to be honest I’m not convinced that isn’t just smoke and mirrors.” Bleakly, Itachi’s inclined to agree; there was a world of difference between breeding a dog for temperament and trying to strip millions of years of prey drive from a wild--and previously extinct--animal. “Given that I’m not completely sold on their claims, it’s more a question of who has changed than what.”

As if on cue, a knock arrives at his father’s door, and in seconds the visitor’s face appears in the frame. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything,” the man says--at least, that’s what Itachi thinks the man says, because the sight of him alone causes Itachi’s brain to spontaneously stop functioning.

“Not at all,” Fugaku responds, completely unaware of his son’s inner turmoil. “As a matter of fact we were just discussing your contract with us.”

“Must have been why my ears were burning,” the man replies, his smile broadening into a full-on grin the moment he catches sight of Itachi positively dying in front of his father’s desk.

If there was a god in this world, He would open a hole in Fugaku’s freshly steam-cleaned carpet and let Itachi fall to his demise. But clearly there isn’t, as instead of time ceasing entirely it drags on and leads to Fugaku announcing, “Itachi, this is Uchiha Shisui. He’s an expert in the growing field of paleo-behavioral studies, which makes him the ideal candidate for rearing the velociraptors and readying them for the public.”

“We’ve met,” Itachi all but chokes out, clearing his throat to expel the sudden lump that’s formed in it. From the other side of the room he can see Shisui fighting a laugh, and in that moment he wishes Shisui would fall in a hole and die, too.

“Really?” his father asks curiously. “I didn’t know you two were acquainted. How do you know each other?”

While his positions at Jurassic World and in life have allowed Itachi to conquer a variety of challenges, there’s not a single skill or experience that has prepared him for this moment. Because Itachi has no idea how to explain to his father that the reason he knows this man is that he slept with him four years ago and never returned a single one of his calls or texts.

“It’s a long story.”

#my fic #shiita #like i said before: this fic is essentially just a 90s romcom and i'm loving every second of writing it #alexa already has some Very Good art on the backburner for this au that i can't wait for her to drop #so stay tuned for that too

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the-cursed-prince-au · 4 years

Text

The Cursed Prince AU Novel: Chapter 8

The Cursed Prince AU Novel

Written By: Aayden (@Aaydence)

Co-written By: Ava(@askewdoodles), Kieri (@blazian_scribbles)

Edited By: Melany (@nonsense.socialite)

Trigger Warnings for this chapter: Blood and Major Character Death:

Chapter 8: You Were Supposed to Be the Strong One

“What do you need me to do!” Logan asked, “Whatever it is I’ll do it!"

"We have the main ingredients here:

‘Ash Hopper Jelly,

A Blue Dartwing,

A Blue Mountain Flower, and a

Butterfly Wing’

We, however, are all out of dragon blood because Remy added the last drops to the potion he made your friend…” Gerald’s words trailed off.

Logan’s heart sank, as he ran his hands through his hair.

“What are we supposed to do?” Logan said, more to himself than to anyone else in the room.

“Didn’t you say that you knew a dragon?” Gerald asked, placing a hand on Logan’s shoulder in an effort to keep him grounded.

Logan’s eyes lit up.

“I do know of a dragon,” he whispered, “though, I’m not sure exactly where…”

“That is our best bet,” Gerald interjected, “if we don’t act fast, your friend will be gone by sunrise.”

Logan felt his breath hitch, “Roman’s the only one who knows where the dragon lives! I believe he’s too incoherent to actually give me directions."

Gerald looked him worriedly as he placed a cased syringe in Logan’s hands to avoid poking him.

"For the dragon’s blood…using anything else is too messy"

Logan stared at the needle in his hand before carefully stuffing it into his pocket. He turned back to Roman.

"I’ll be back Ro…” It was rare for Logan to use Roman’s nickname. He squeezed the knight’s hand tightly and he felt Roman gently squeeze back.

“Está bien, lo entiendo”

He felt a new wave of determination wash over him. He needed to get that blood if it was the last thing he did.

“I’ll be back…” Logan said, checking on Roman one last time before he sprinted out the door. Taking a final glance back at the potions shop, Logan was off.

He knew the woods that Roman had come out of, and if he was correct in assuming, that would be the woods that the dragon would be in.

The sun would be peeking its head over the horizon in, what Logan assumed would be around two hours based on how light the sky was. Gerald had said that Roman would be dead by sunrise. That didn’t give him much time to work with, at all. If he factored in the size of the woods, and if Roman was able to get there by what he assumed was walking, also through snow, it definitely shortened the area he had to search. But then he had to factor in returning to the potion shop and the time for the potion to be made. All this made Logan’s stomach churn with uneasiness.

He ran through the town as the city slept. He ran until his ribs ached and his lungs burned. He refused to stop, he needed that dragon’s blood. He ran through the woods stumbling over the sticks and stones of the forest.

“That dragon better be around here somewhere,” he mumbled, trying his best to navigate through the dark trees around him. The only guide he had was the moonlight shimmering through the holes in the trees. These woods were going to be harder to navigate than he had originally planned, and that was bad news in regards to the cure. Logan huffed and quickened his already brisk pace through the trees.

Logan shivered as he made his way through the melting snow. He stumbled through the darkness of the woods, feeling the trees for support and/or claw marks. Any signs of dragons in these woods.

He felt his feet become numb as a chilling wind chapped his lips. This wasn’t going to get him anywhere. Wandering aimlessly would get both him and Roman killed. He felt an overwhelming sense of guilt punch him in the stomach. What if he was the reason that Roman died too? He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if that happened. He could barely live with himself now. Logan felt a hot tear make a path down his wind-whipped face. Then a tiny voice in the back of his head spoke.

“You have to keep going,” it whispered. “You can’t stop now, you’re so close, Lo.”

Logan gritted his teeth and unstuck his feet from the snow, the voice was right.

Logan trudged through the snow as his mind raced.

15 minutes passed and he finally stumbled upon a cave.

“The dragon’s cave!” Logan whispered under his breath. He made it!!

Inhaling deeply, feeling the frosty air chill and burn his lungs, took a step into the cave. He felt rocks grind underneath his boots, making a crunching sound. In the depths of the cave, he saw a flickering light.

“Fire,” Logan took another step into the cave, “that’s probably where the dragon is residing.”

Logan crept further into the cave, making sure to be quiet, just in case the dragon was sleeping. Waking the dragon would not be ideal. As he approached the fire he could see what he assumed was the dragon, curled up next to the wavering flame.

Logan gulped. This was really going to happen. He took another step into the area where the dragon lay peacefully sleeping. He pulled out the tool that Gerald had handed him earlier. With a death grip around the syringe, he advanced towards the sleeping mass.

As soon as he got within 15 feet of the creature, its head shot up and Logan and the dragon made direct eye contact.

Logan couldn’t move, he didn’t know what he should do in this situation, move or stay still. Either, at the moment seemed like a bad idea, but this was for Roman, so he straightened himself upright and took a step towards the dragon.

The dragon growled as Logan made his way closer.

“Anxiety what’s wrong?” A drowsy voice spoke up.

“Patton?!” Logan gasped.

“Logan?” Patton rose up, placing a hand on Anxiety’s head. “Easy bud…he’s a friend"

By that statement, the dragon calmed but watched the scientist intensely.

"What are you doing here?” yawned Patton, hobbling his way over to his friend. Logan looked between Patton and the dragon, furrowing his brow slightly.

“Roman has been taken gravely ill by ingesting a potion from a shop. I require a dragon’s blood for the cure. They are all out at the shop. If I don’t get it back there before morning, Roman will die.” Logan murmured, so hopefully, just Patton would hear the exchange.

Patton gasped as tears brimmed his eyes.

“Romans dying?!"

At this, the dragon let out a low whine as if he too was worried for the knight.

"I really need Anxiety’s blood, just a bit, please Patton, help me!” Logan begged, he turned around and saw the sky getting lighter.

“Please! Anxiety-” he turned to the dragon hoping he’d understand.

He pulled out the syringe, at the needle, the dragon growled backing into the corner.

Patton turned to the dragon, his eyes full of sorrow.

“Please, I know you don’t like weapons or anything of the sort but…” Patton trailed off as the tears spilled down his cheeks. “I’ll be right here.”

Logan made sure to hold the syringe in front of him, as to not surprise the dragon. He watched as Patton did his best to calm the dragon by pulling him into a hug. As he came closer a low rumble was emitted from the dragon.

“Please! I can’t lose Roman! I-I don’t know what I would do with myself if he were to-” Logan choked, trailing off. “Please Anxiety! He’s my best friend!”

The scientist begged the beast hoping Anxiety would cooperate, but the dragon still backed away from the syringe. Logan swallowed hard, trying to keep his emotions in check. He couldn’t lose another brother, another friend. His heart couldn’t take another heartbreak.

“I beg of you, Anxiety! Help me save my friend- OUR friend!”

The dragon stared at him for a moment before bowing his head in compliance.

Logan inched closer,

“Thank you,” he whispered gratefully.

He held the syringe gently pricking the skin of the dragon, taking his blood.

Logan placed the needle back in its casing and put it back in his pocket.

“How long till sunrise?” Patton asked.

Logan faced the lightening sky and felt his face go pale.

“About 15 minutes….” Logan suddenly felt his heart clench as tears filled his eyes. “I won’t make it back in time! It’s not possible!” he cried.

Patton crumpled to the floor, sobbing. Logan felt his throat clench. He was going to be responsible for another death. He just was never fast enough, never good enough, never-

Anxiety nudged Logan with his head. Logan turned and look at him. Anxiety bent down and jerked his head a little.

“Do you want me to get on?” Logan asked. The dragon huffed a response that seemed to be a yes.

“Anxiety is really fast, he can get you to town really quickly so you can save Roman!” Patton exclaimed. The general looked wearily at the dragon.

“You know it is a possibility that he could be killed if anyone saw him,” Logan said.

“Yes, but like I said, Anxiety is really fast and is really good at hiding. Also, that is only a possibility, while if you don’t get the blood to Roman…” Patton stopped, not wanting to finish the sentence.

Logan turned, knowing all too well what the best choice in this situation was.

Logan swallowed his emotions and climbed onto the large dragon. The dragon looked back at the scientist as if to see if he was secure. The creature snorted as he bowed his head to Patton and ran. Anxiety bolted through the forest with the scientist on his back. The wind swept through the general’s hair and the cool air whipped around him.

The dragon slowed to a stop at the edge of the forest.

“Thank you!” Logan said as he slid off the dragon.

The dragon leaned in, studying the general closely. The scientist reached out his hand and the dragon slowly nuzzled it.

“Thank you so much,” Logan said again. With that, he ran back to town.

Sprinting like there was no tomorrow, Logan dashed through the streets. He had his hands protectively around the syringe.

He skidded to a halt outside the potions shop. Shoving the door wide open. Remy jumped in surprise.

“Girl, give a warning if you’re going to barge in like that next time,” Remy said, putting his hand to his heart. Logan ignored the comment and went straight to where Roman was lying, still curled up like he was when he left.

“Where’s Gerald?”

“He’s in the potion-” before Remy could finish his sentence, the young man bolted to the backroom syringe in hand.

“Gerald?!” Logan called out.

“Ah, Logan you’re back?” Gerald said as he put in an ingredient in the potion.

“I have the dragon’s blood.” Logan breathed heavily trying to catch his breath.

“Good, give it here.” Gerald held out his hand.

Logan almost dropped the syringe in his haste to give it to Gerald, though thankfully, he didn’t. Gerald took the vial and precisely squeezed a bit of blood out before putting the syringe on a nearby table. Gerald then turned and began mixing the potion.

It smelled absolutely horrid, but if it would cure Roman, that was the only thing that mattered.

“It’s just about ready,” Gerald muttered, continuing to stir the mixture. As he continued to fiddle with the concoction, Logan turned his attention back to Roman. He knelt down next to him and took his hand.

“I’m so sorry Ro…I should have taken you here sooner. Maybe if I had, we wouldn’t be in this mess…” Logan, said, gripping Roman’s hand tighter.

Roman broke into a coughing fit, blood dripping down his chin. Logan’s eyes widened as he saw his best friend give a sharp whimper before going back into a coughing fit. The sweat stopped dripping down Roman’s forehead, the fever rising too high for Roman’s body to keep up.

“G-Gerald!” He called, cursing how his voice shook.

He tenderly wiped the blood from Roman’s lips as he pulled his friend into an embrace. He wasn’t going to let his brother in arms be alone.

“What?” called Gerald from where he was working.

“Roman…he’s coughing up blood,” Logan said, cradling Roman in his arms. Seeing him like this pained Logan. He wanted to take all of his agonies away, Roman didn’t deserve to suffer like this.

“The potion is cooling,” Gerald stated, a sense of urgency behind his voice. “I’ll administer it as soon as I can.”

Logan bounced his knee up and down in impatience. He had this bad feeling that something was going to go awry. He hoped that he was wrong, but he couldn’t stop that weight from settling on his shoulders.

Roman continued to cough, his body trying to expel the red liquid from his lungs. Logan pulled him up into a sitting position as the knight curled against him, Logan’s body still being cool from being outside.

Roman who had his eyes closed for a majority of the time Logan was there, opened them. The general noticed how glassy they were as Roman gazed at him.

“Hey Ro,” Logan ran his fingers through his friend’s hair, trying to comfort him any way he could.

“Duele mucho…h-hurts…” Roman grasped weakly at his chest, breaking into another violent coughing fit.

“I know, I know, but you have to stay with me,” Logan said, wiping more blood from Roman’s lips. Roman whined, weakly and buried his face in Logan’s chest. "You’re so strong, Ro, you’re so strong and brave. Just stay awake for me.“

Roman hummed, his eyes flickering open and closed, as he struggled to stay conscious. Logan glanced outside seeing the sun barely rise on the horizon.

"Come on Roman…just a little bit longer okay?” He squeezed his friend’s hand to both comfort himself and the knight.

Roman grunted in response, his gaze unfocused and staring off into space. Logan looked back up to where Gerald was standing near the potion table, tapping his foot impatiently.

“I wish potion making wasn’t such a finicky business or I would have had your friend up and functioning again,” Gerald grumbled, looking back to look at the pair.

“I understand. You are doing your best. It’s just that we’re cutting it so close. What if we’re too late? What if I wasn’t fast enough getting back and that’s the reason that Roman ends up dying. What-” Logan ranted before he was cut off by Gerald.

“Logan. You need to calm down. Roman is strong, he will get through this, you just have to trust me.”

Remy was watching the thermometer next to the potion, waiting for it to suddenly drop. That type of fungal reversal potion needs to be administered after it goes through a very significant change in temperature. With his sunglasses on, he couldn’t quite see the color of the ashy green liquid. Logan’s head was buzzing at this point. No thoughts were waiting to speak, they were all screaming at once. His heart had set fire to his organized mind. He touched his head, fearing he might get a fever from being too worked up. Roman’s eyelashes fluttered and the general’s heart stopped.

“No, no-no.” He took both of his hands, covered with dried blood and sweat. He clasped Roman’s face, looking into his closed eyes. “Please no.”

Gerald’s soft silver eyes looked away. His knuckles were white, clasping the dragon’s head on his cane. He couldn’t stand seeing another person fading, especially another soldier. Remy squinted at the red line, lifting up his sunglasses to make sure. He squinted his blue eye so his brown eye could watch the small numbers. The red-colored alcohol slowly declines, before taking a sudden plunge. Remy dropped his sunglasses back onto the bridge of his nose.

“Gerald it’s ready!”

Gerald quickly walked over to the pot, preparing a cup of the potion.

Logan’s nails clawed into Roman’s shirt. “Just a little longer. Come on Roman just hold on a few more minutes you can do it.”

Gerald gave the cup to Remy to run it over. He followed as fast as he could.

“Don’t spill it, Remy! Do not screw this up again!” Logan growled. Remy pushed Logan aside and kneeled in front of Roman. The general couldn’t feel his hands. He was overcome with anger. His eyes filled with hot tears and his blood felt like it was boiling. He tried to watch as Remy carefully opened Roman’s jaw and poured the green liquid inside. He couldn’t see as Gerald pressed his hands on the knight’s throat, coaxing the potion down. Logan couldn’t understand what was happening, his breath felt quick and heavy. His world and his mind were spinning. He raced through so many possible endings in his mind, analyzing every possible outcome like a game plan. He tried to cope with the sparks in his chest, the rising sensation in his throat. He felt…he felt…

“Logan, come here!” Gerald motioned for Remy to bring the general. Remy ran over to grab Logan and froze when he felt his arm. Logan was shaking. The young potion maker looked at his face and grew worried, but he knew Logan needed to be by Roman’s side.

“Come on.” He pulled Logan over to the knight. The general managed to clear a spot in his mind to focus on what was in front of him. His lifelong companion, his sparring partner, his least favorite student, and his…best friend. He stopped shaking. His thoughts went silent. All he could see was Roman.

“Please. Roman I-” He choked. “I can’t lose you, please. I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you. You were supposed to be the strong one…” He grasped at Roman’s hand.

Gerald bit his lip as he stared at Roman’s pale face. He saw his shirt rising and falling slower, and slower.

Logan took his other hand and felt his wrist. The room filled with a deadly silence as Logan searched for his pulse. The beats ran through Logan’s head like a machine, and his brain was the monitor.

Beep. Beep. Beep….beep…………beep…………..beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

The general felt his own heart stop.

Remy held his hand over his mouth.

Logan pressed his ear to Roman’s chest.

“This isn’t happening, it can’t be happening. This isn’t real, it’s all some sick joke!” He started shaking Roman’s lifeless body. Remy grabbed his shoulders and ripped him away.

“Girl, what are you doing!”

Logan felt so many things at once. His body flooded with grief. It was something familiar, but he could never be used to it. His eyes went blurry, his hands were clammy, his breathing was hitched. He looked back at Roman and he pushed away the grief and sadness. All he focused on was hate.

“This is all your fault.” He muttered.

“Excuse me?”

“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!”

Logan lunged at Remy and pushed him against a bookshelf. The young man hit his head on the shelf, his sunglasses cracking on the floor.

“Ah jeez! Get off!” Remy tried to escape the general’s grasp, but he was no match for Logan. Even with the height disadvantage, the general could outmatch Remy any day of the week. Logan grabbed his hair and slammed his head back on the bookshelf again.

“YOU KILLED HIM!” Logan reared back his fist to land a punch on the man when his elbow was caught. Gerald held his arm back in the hook of his cane.

“Logan that’s enough.”

The general turned to the old man.

“Is it? He killed my best friend, none of your stupid potions could save him! You’re just as much to blame. If we had never come here he would be alive! He could’ve been alive, and we could have been here together but now he’s what?! A star….”

Gerald walked over to Roman one more time. He knelt down next to him and checked his wrist, neck, and heart. With one last sigh, he looked over at the general, who was watching helplessly. Gerald’s silver eyes stared directly into Logan’s.

“He’s gone.”

#Cursed Prince AU Novel #Chapter 8 #tw major character death #tw death #tw blood #tw sickness #sander sides #sanders side fic

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ronancegayass · 4 years

Note

Flower Asks: all of them >:3€ (forgive me)

(this is so many omg but I’ll allow it only bc i love u)

Alisons: Sexuality?

Gay af (ace lesbean)

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

Waman (she/they)

Amaryllis: Birthday?

November 2nd

Anemone: Favorite flower?

Funnily enough anemones are one of my favs but i think my top favs are chrysanthemums and morning glories but I really love many flowers and flowers in general

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

As of right now, stranger things duh

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

Like favors or? I mean I really do try to be a kind and helpful person but if I don’t know somebody or haven’t at least seen them a couple times before I usually don’t do much bc of anxiety

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

"The extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are.” Lara Croft mostly bc I cant think of anything else right now and that stuck with me

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

Like a really good cup of black tea with cream and sugar or sweet tea

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Never been kissed before but I definitely have someone in mind I would kiss ;3

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

Hell yeah I am right now and I don’t think I ever have been before now

Baneberries: Favorite song?

Oh hard question... currently really digging We Fell In Love in October by Girl in Red

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

My family is supportive (for the most part) and very loving, even if they express love in weird ways sometimes. We also like to joke around a lot and make fun of each other but in a good way? Like we all have a good time mostly and I get along better with everyone since I started college

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

My girlfriend is my best friend uwu I also have a lot of good friends but yeah

Begonia: Favorite color?

Purble but specifically like a pastel purple and purples that lean more towards blue than pink

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

Lynx! I love so many animals tho and I also like many cats and domestic cats in general

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

Night!

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

Probably would love to just be a loved house cat who gets to lay in front of the fire all day or a lynx bc i love them

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A veterinarian (or a special agent lmao)! I also still plan on being a vet tho even tho I get discouraged at least once a month

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

I mean I like kids and I was a camp counselor for a summer, but I dont really want any of my own

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

Oh god so many things.. Biggest thing would maybe be death/dying? Like if i think about it too much like the possibility of there just being nothing after death freaks me out. That and throwing up/nausea

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

I played soccer and then I was a competitive swimmer so i was kind of an athlete? even tho i hated sports

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?

I think I would like to go to waffle house, have the perfect cup of tea, spend lots of time with my loved ones and pet my kitties, play video games with my gf, and sit under a tree in the mountains preferably on a warmer day in the fall and watch the sunset

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

Very happily taken

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

Always wanted to visit Norway

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

Really big long hugs, good morning or goodnight messages, and I also really love cards

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?

I have 6

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

Yup! I have an industrial, orbital, and 3 earlobe piercings

California Poppy: Height?

5′2 or maybe a little less

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

Yeah I think so, but I do also get freaked out easily lmao

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?

Red flannel, jeans, fuzzy socks, and big dyke boots

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

Yeah I did for a long time and I still sometimes sleep with one or like a bathroom light on if Im sleeping by myself in a new place

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?

Either my mom or my dad I dont remember technically who was last bc my parents are visiting me at college

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

Again, never kissed or been kissed! but maybe soon... :0

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

Font? I like the font in Night in the Woods?

Columbine: Are you tired?

Pretty much always either sleepy or tired lol

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

Christmas, getting to see my gf again, and Magfest!

Coneflower: Dream job?

Like a veterinarian but having my own practice and also being able to take in injured wildlife if possible

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

Introvert for sure

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

Oh repeat question, hell yes

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

Depends what it is but I would go pretty far for somebody I care about and Im also a crazy person and would drive/travel no matter what distance for someone I love

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

Yup! I had a ballerina bunny, named Bunny because I was very creative and I still have her

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Scorpio

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

I think so? I did a lot of cool stuff with my GS troop like our bronze award project and going ziplining and to sliding rock.

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

My GS gold award for sure, that shit was hard work and stressful af

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?

Umm??? I would tell my dad to eat shit and die and I cant imagine my mom being anything but sweet and supportive so I dont even know

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

You! This morning uwu

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

uhh Im pretty good at making sense of stuff in my science labs and reasoning and im sometimes good at art? I feel like I do traditional better but Im getting better at digital

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

bad at not being impulsive sometimes and bad at dead by daylight

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

a little over a month but officially got a girlfriend who i love very much, my gf came down to visit and we got to chill on the mountains together, and I had a pretty nice birthday

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

Good! Got breakfast at a diner with my parents and got coffee and a donut at my fav coffee shop so thats all i really need in life tbh

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

Yeah Im happy even tho Im stressed with school at times

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

Get a job after graduation and hopefully get into vet school on the first or second try

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

My kitty, mom, wonderful gf, sister, dead by daylight, heated blanket, apartment, waffle house, my sisters kitty, and my dog

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

Donuts, coffee or tea, blankets, video games, and loud music

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

Hmm... I really like to draw art for those i love, tell them how much i love them even though i can be bad with words, and i just try to spend a lot of time with the people I care about no matter what we are doing

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

uhhh trying to open up more? and Im really proud of my gf

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

Going to waffle house. Go to a mountain and hike a little, sit on the top with girlfriend. Admire beauty of mountain countryside. Admire beauty of girlfriend while they admire the beauty of the mountain. Then warm up together with hot chocolate and play video games

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?

I like to doodle and do the arts, play video games, and I like to bake sometimes

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

uuuuuuh I have a good friend I’ve known since kindergarten or first grade when I first moved to where I currently live

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

My gf uwu and my mem

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

probably like less than 10

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

I think its really cute especially when you compliment my laugh

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

??? I think I am an okay person? And I try to be a good person and be kind and polite to people

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

Umm... I mean I like that Im kind? and Im not fake and I try to be a good person

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?

I hate that I procrastinate and that I can get frustrated easily at myself and at situations like crowds and traffic

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

I liked to play ‘restaurant’ with my sister with our littlest pet shops

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

I had a really great best friend named Rachel :c

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

Losing a lot of friends and for being distant for a long time

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?

Cutting off a friend that was bad for my mental health and who didnt treat me well even though we were best friends for a long time

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

My name is literally my parents ship name... like they even told me they chose my name by putting their names together lmao but I mean I like my name so i guess its okay..

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

Small town in new jersey when I was really, it was nice and family was closer. Then we moved and that was difficult but I ended up adjusting and it was good, had a decent amount of friends and the schools i went to were good

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

For a long time I shared a room with my sister and we had a bunkbed and I had the top bunk of course, when we moved out of the apartment and into a house I got my own room and it was baby blue only because I told my dad that no, I didnt want a fuckin pink room and that was a whole thing lmao

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?

It was good? but also sucked a lot. I had a lot of issues with my mental health and struggled for a long while with something. I was bullied and stuff at home wasnt always that great. And i got outed so that was fun. Other than that I enjoyed swimming competitively and I got into art

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

I love my mom!! she is the most Mom mom and is so sweet and always there for me. She helps me out so much with so many things and I just love my mom so much

Onions: Tell about your dad.

I mean I love my dad? And hes better than he used to be, but he still doesnt help with shit and irritates me a lot.

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

I never got to know my grandfather on my moms side bc he passed away a few months before i was born and I sort of knew my grandmother but she lived far away and passed away 10 years ago. I usually see my gramma on my dads side the most and I try to visit often and help her out with stuff and I love her even though she can be a bit... racist and shit.. and I sometimes see my grandpa and step grandma but they can be strict about weird shit and always ask a lot of uncomfortable questions

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

I dont really do much on my birthdays? Ive had a lot of nice birthdays and it usually involves going out to dinner or having a nice dinner at home and having birthday cake and playing games like jenga or yahtzee.

Peony: What was your first job?

I did some petsitting for a while but my first real job was being a camp counselor/tower belayer/lifeguard at a girl scout camp

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)?

Met online after following them for a long time and drawing some arts for them, but didnt really start chatting until stranger things 3 came out bc I saw they had just watched it. Didnt meet irl until fursonacon and I just remember seeing them walking up to my car when I got there and just being like .... oh no. I had already had a crush but at that point I was just heart eyes

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

Its a little fucked up but depending on the type of physical pain I like it? Like getting tattoos and stuff.. emotional/mental I just curl up in blankets and listen to sad music lol

Pink: Where is home?

I feel like I have many homes? I feel really at home in the mountains, at home with my family, and when Im with my girlfriend

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

Every event no matter how shitty shaped me into who i am today and Im pretty content and lucky with what I have today so maybe nothing?

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

My GS leader Miss Kristin. So incredibly kind and outgoing and just willing to do whatever she can to help others. Shes so adventurous and outgoing and made my gs troop so amazing. She is such a wonderful lady and shes basically like another mom to me.

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

To be with my SO in a nice cabin in the mountains with a nice fireplace. Its cozy and we have pets (especially kitties but also maybe a dog and chickens and such) and life is okay and we’re happy

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

God and Santa Claus (i was so heartbroken (over santa not God lmao))

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

My girlfriend and my mom

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

My gfs voice and their laugh c: and I also really like the sound of thunderstorms and rain

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?

To see my gf again and for winter break to just be here already I am so done with school lol

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

Difficult? I try really hard to express how I feel but I usually mess up and I get anxious but I try my best lol

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

Any of my loved ones and my cat

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

I wish I got more sleep but it was an okay amount

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

Good morning texts from my gf and my gf in general

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

I dont currently have a job but I occasionally do art commissions which is usually fun and gives me something to do

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

Any of my flannels and my leather jacket (also not mine but my gfs hoodie they gave to me to borrow)

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.

mountains, cabins, flowers, fall, flannel, small coffee shops, pastels

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

Im not one to be picky about gifts? I just love anything that someone put some thought into and thought I would like or reminded them of me but i feel bad if it was something expensive or anything lol

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

Final exams and graduation

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

0 lmao I used to read a shit ton but Ive been picky about what books I want to read lately

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

Working towards applying to vet school and maybe thinking about moving out depending on a lot of things.

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

Unfortunately

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

I like collecting pins, pennies, and postcards which is funny to me

(So in conclusion,,, I love my gf)

(wow that was long as hell and took forever but done!)

#long post #ask #sapphicfinalpam

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irondadfanfics · 5 years

Link

by xoxo_death

"Dude, you've got to chill. I don't even see the big deal here."

"I told you! There's too much of a chance of them finding out about, you know, pew-pew!"

"Okay, a) one would think that two geniuses could come up with a better code name for your split persona than, no offense, pew pew. b) I still don't see how that's going to happen. Its not like Stark Industries has a big banner in the lobby that reads, 'Welcome, Peter Parker! More commonly known as SPIDER-MAN!''

"Not helping Ned."

"And let's face it, on the off chance of that happening, Flash would probably manage to convince himself that you somehow hacked into the tower to have it placed there."

"Wow, thank you, my supposed best friend, for bringing up another cause of my anxiety. Your helpfulness and tact astounds me."

"Oh, just shut up."

Or, the insanely cliche field trip fic that has my best efforts to tone down the unbearable cringe. And its more realistic. Hopefully. Read if you're as obsessed with this trope as I am.

Words: 994, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen

Characters: Peter Parker, Ned Leeds, Flash Thompson, Michelle Jones, Academic Decathlon Team (Spider-Man: Homecoming), Tony Stark, Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Harley Keener, Avengers Team (MCU), Shuri (Marvel)

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Shuri, Harley Keener & Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Harley Keener & Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Harley Keener & Peter Parker & Shuri, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker & Avengers Team

Additional Tags: Field Trip, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, flash is a bitch, but a realistic bitch, BAMF Michelle Jones, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, bi!peter parker, though its not really shown, Peter is a Little Shit, im trying to put a little peter/mj but i dont think its gonna be there, mj knows about spiderman, Domestic Avengers, (love that trope), BAMF Natasha Romanov, Ceiling Vent Clint Barton, Captain America's PSAs, Precious Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), must. protect. at. all. costs., there will be some swearing, also im a little ocd so dont worry about grammar errors or typos, i would die before i let those exist in something i wrote, vines will come, These Are Too Many Tags, i might add more lmao

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #Tony Stark #Peter Parker #Irondad #Spiderson #Marvel Cinimatic Universe #MCU

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thewritingstar · 5 years

Note

Request: NaLu; Natsu as a med school student/doctor and Lucy running on a treadmill while connected to a heart monitor as part of a stress test, the stress proving too much for Lucy's heart, resulting in a massive heart attack and Natsu must revive her

Thank you for the ask! I hope this satisfies your request and that you all enjoy!!

Beating Hearts: NaLu hospital one shot

Natsu entered the building of the hospital. Sweat began to build up on his forehead, but he tried his best to hide his nervousness. The smell of chemicals and latex gloves made him relax and he grabbed a cup of coffee before heading to the designated area to get started.

“First medical study huh?” Natsu turned his head towards his fellow medical student Gray. He was already in his scrubs, ready to shadow an experienced surgeon.

“Yeah I’m nervous, but I think I'll manage.” He replied. Truth be told, Natsu was worried. He was given a simple assignment for his final in his internship at the local hospital, one he couldn't screw up.

It was a study on the correlation of stress and exercise. He wanted to prove that even in the most stressful situations, calisthenics could be used to reduce the rapid heartbeat in a patient. His hope was to use exercise as the recommended treatment instead of antidepressants and psychotherapy.

He said his goodbyes to Gray and made his way to the employee elevator.

“My heart is beating so fast, I might need to be the subject.” His laugh filled the empty steel walls and the doors opened.

Lucy walked into the hospital, the smell of chemicals and latex made her anxiety rise even more and there was apart of her that regretted being apart of this new study. She pulled at the end of her long blonde hair, a tick she acquired due to her mental illness.

She found her way to the check in desk and was told to take a seat, her name would come up in a moment and she would be escorted to the testing room. Another few pulls to the hair and she was already sweating. She had be diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety as well as Panic Disorder. Both taunting her everyday life and after months of therapy and pill swallowing, she was eager to try a new approach, one more convenient for her college self.

“Okay Lucy, you got this, you only have to run on a treadmill. If this works, no more stupid medication and pointless sessions.” She whispered to herself and another tug came to her hair.

“Lucy Heartfilia.” A man's voice called out. Grabbing her bag, she turned and followed the man whose name tag read “Dr.RedFox.” They entered a door and walked down the long hallway, the hospital smell increased even more to her disliking.

“No need to worry Ms. Heartfilia. It’s a very simple study and you are going to be perfectly safe, I will be looking over to make sure everything goes smooth. Our trusted intern will take great care of you and if you ever feel uncomfortable, feel free to stop us.”

“Lucy is fine, and what if I do stop? Will I-”

“Payment will still be given, nothing less than what you signed up for.” He smiled and opened the door off to the right at the end of the hall.

Inside was treadmill, elliptical and a stair master. Each one had a heart monitor and various screens connected to them. To her right was a small room that was blocked by glass. It had even more equipment inside and she began to feel very overwhelmed.

“I will be inside the view room, monitoring my own data while Natsu or Mr. Dragneel will be running the test. Our Sports Physician Dr. Mira Stratuss will be with me too, she’s Natsu’s teacher so she wanted to see it first hand” Dr. RedFox said.

She nodded and set her back down. Tying her hair into a nice ponytail, she changed into the desired clothes in the small bathroom connect to the room. A simple sports bra and workout leggings fit to her body like a second skin. As she stepped out of the bathroom, her breath caught in her throat.

A handsome man, about her age stood in the center of the room. His salmon pink hair threw her off guard but he flashed her a radiant smile, her nerves eased quite a bit. Even in plain teal scrubs, he looked gorgeous and she began to wonder if she would leave with not only a new treatment but possibly a new man.

“Ah Lucy, you can call me Natsu. Thank you so much for participating in my research today, it means a lot.” He said and shook her hand. He didn’t want to feel his heart picking up as her felt her soft hand in his. He also didn’t want to admit that she was one of the most gorgeous girls he had ever seen, now was not the time.

“Of course, no problem. I am just as curious to find out the results. I would be thrilled if I could use exercise as a replacement for my current treatments.” She smiled back, her fingers entangled the tips of her hair and Natsu could already notice her anxiety going up. Swiftly he grabbed his clipboard and lead her to the stair master. He took her arm and hooked her up to the various wires in order to monitor her, explaining everything simply so she could understand. Dr. RedFox and Dr. Stratuss were already observing from the glass panel.

“Alright Lucy, on a scale from one to ten, how stressed are you?” He asked. She held up a hand indicating five but then quietly ushered out “Eight” instead.

“Eight it is. Go ahead and start, goes as slow or fast as you want, just remember to take deep breaths. She nodded and picked up her legs. She kept in sync with the machine and even though she was getting hot and sweaty, her body felt more relaxed. After twenty minutes of observing and running data, Natsu stopped the machine and told her to grab some water, he tried to look away as she walked to her bag but her backside looked good in those leggings. He made eye contact with his superiors and quickly looked away.

Her heart was pounding but she knew it was all due to her very light exercise. Finishing her drink, she made her way to the next machine, knowing he just got a full look at her rocking body.

“Okay, for the treadmill, I’m going to show you a series of pictures of things you wrote that scared you. As you run you will see these images, this is going to raise your anxiety. If at any point you want to stop, let me know. After a few images, I will take them away and you will run, hopefully calming down naturally due to the releasing of dopamine from the exercise.” He explained.

Quietly she nodded and stepped onto the machine, the same wires were applied last time. Two on her forehead to access her brains lobes, one on her wrist to watch her pulse control and one on her chest above her heart. The heat from his fingers lingered after each connection with her skin. and she couldn't tell how fast her heart was beating.

“Begin when you wish” he said and stepped back. Her pace started at a slight jog and the monitor in front lit up to reveal a giant close up of a spider. The monitor Natsu was watching, picked up a boost in her anxiety. She began to run faster, heart beating at an alarming speed. Her chest began to tighten but nothing she couldn't handle. Wiping off the sweat, she powered through the picture as chills ran up her spine.

Thump Thump Thump Thump

Next the monitor played an audio file of thunder. A huge Boom rang through her ears and startled her immensely. Her paced picked up and her heavy chest increased, making her cramp up a little. Sweat dripped down her face, panic setting in but she knew she was safe.

Thump Thump Thump

Another image came up. This time of a jump scare from a horror movie. A loud scream came out of her mouth and her anxiety spike soared. Natsu watched as many drastic changes happened on the screen. Her brain waves for anxiety squiggled around and her pulse was over 100 and he decided that it was time to stop so she could do her cool down test.

Thump Thump

In that moment Lucy's chest tighten again. Almost like a python compressing around her and squeezing her breath out with a powerful force. Her head felt smashed in and lightness floated around, her palms clammed up and the sweat dripping down cause her fingers to loosen their grips on the bar. Her legs began to buckle and flashing lights corrupted her vision. Twisted in knots and churning rapidly, her stomach bunched up and she tried to steady herself. To her dismay, her body staggered, struggling to keep up right.

Thump

“Natsu-” She called and stepped off the machine, falling to her knees as she clenched her heart. Darkness took her sight and a heat spread through her body as she laid on the floor, breathing at an unsteady pace.

“Lucy!” He screamed. Panicking he turned her over and adrenaline slammed into his body. The door to the view room slammed opened but he didn't notice them. Instead he began CPR, pumping on her chest to bring her out of unconsciousness and even mouth to mouth.

------

“And that's how we met” Natsu said to his daughter.

The look on Luna’s face was pure fear. “So you're telling me that you almost killed mom, saved her then felt bad so you believed a proper apology was a date?” She asked. Her sassy tone earned her a laugh from her mother as Lucy came walking into the living room.

“What can I say, your father made my heart stop in many ways.” She replied and kissed him on the cheek.

“That's literally the worst meeting story ever. I mean Aunt Juvia and Uncle Gray’s was much better and she didn’t almost die.” Luna said.

“No it was not and your mother didn't almost die.” Natsu defended.

“No, I kinda almost did Natsu.” Lucy responded and popped a slice of apple into her mouth.

“That's not the point. Our story is much better than theirs.” Natsu complained and pointed a finger at his daughter.

“Juvia and Gray had matching tattoos before they even met, now that's fate.” Luna said and grabbed some apple too. “Again, no one almost died.”

“Again, your mother didn't almost die.” He glared at his daughter while she gave him a smirk.

“Again, I almost did.” Lucy chimed in.

“Tattoos aren't better.” Natsu grumbled.

“Yes they are” Luna shrugged.

“No”

“Yes”

“No”

“Will you both stop.” Lucy complained. “Both of our stories are cute, now go upstairs and get ready for bed Luna.” Lucy said and pointed to the stairs. Luna smiled and huffed, walking up the stairs.

“I really make your heart stop in many ways huh?” Natsu smirked.

“Oh my god.” Lucy smiled and shook her head.

------

I hope you enjoyed! Requests are always open, either for prompts, pairings, aus, situations, what ever you want!!!

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semperreformanda · 5 years

Text

Hi everyone

I've talked a lot about dealing with anxiety the past few days. I've actually been dealing with that for the past few weeks on and off, it just got really bad last week when I got back to work after taking sick days off.

I've been with the current company for only one month and I have decided to resign from the role, reason being that I don't think I fit/qualify for for it and that sort of pressure of trying to meet such expectations is affecting my mental health.

This is going to be long, but if you are keen to know a bit of a back story...

I work in a big engineering firm. Everything was going well at first, however this really started on my first week when I made a small mistake and my colleague (boss, technically) expressed his disappointment and even hinted at terminating me ("We'd have a difficult time finding a replacement"). I was honestly shocked that time, failed to defend myself because I was still processing the fact that he was hinting at possibly firing me over that. I was down about it for a while, but decided to forget the comment, and just do better next time. It worked.

The next few days it felt like I was on a roll, but then every little mistake here and there (common as I was new and also working in an industry that was very new to me) tore at my confidence, and every end of week when he would give his comments on what I need to work on, I started to feel worn down. I couldn't shake off the feeling that maybe I was incompetent for the job. The feeling persisted. With every single mistake, I started to overthink and fear that they would actually fire me. FYI, my colleague is great. Really, really great at his job--extroverted, charming, charismatic, quick on his feet. Working alongside him made me realize how much... I lacked. There was also a point he said I appear more like a "girl next door", and that I should be more like a career woman. I know it was meant to be encouraging and he said it in a nice way, but honestly, it put me off (I've never thought of myself as a career woman; I want to excel in my career, yes, but I hate the term and don’t want to be identified as that lol).

So there. The dread overtook me. Waking up felt hard. Even eating with my other coworkers during lunch felt difficult because I was starting to shut myself off. I really attempted to be like him in every way--extroverted, quick-witted, charming, chill, and not overthinking every single body movement or scrutinizing every word said to me. Sad thing is, I am normally like that, but the pressure he put on me and I put on myself was killing me. I could feel social anxiety rearing its ugly head once more. I started feeling alone at work; no real close colleague I can hang out with since we hung out in a big group and they were all friends with one another. I make attempts at conversation but they're all small talk, all short-lived, and I increasingly felt ashamed of how seemingly inept I was in every social interaction.

I'm a typically quiet person, introverted, I approach people in a way I'd say is calm and gentle. I don't know. That's just how I am. It just felt like when my colleague pointed this out it was like there was something wrong with me and I needed to be someone like him--which, to be quite frank, I did want to be like. Was it my social anxiety holding me back? Or was it just my personality? I've always been insecure about my gentleness and quietness. Normally when I am quiet it's because I am listening to people or processing my thoughts. Now when I am quiet, it's because I'm fretting. I just don't feel like myself anymore. It is exhausting having to wear a mask everyday at work.

You want to know what was the last straw for me? When we were in an important meeting, a candidate texted me saying he couldn’t finish the interview process that day and had to leave. I promptly composed a reply, but quickly got reprimanded for using my phone. I apologized and brushed it off, but at that point I was so overburdened already with everything I felt like that was the final push and honestly? A social anxiety sufferer’s worst nightmare was to be called out like that in front of everyone, so if to you it felt like a normal screw up, to me it felt like a giant screw up with our boss that I’d never recover from.

Unfortunately, I'm also the type of person who can be avoidant in the heat of conflict or problems, so when I started feeling the heavy unshakable dread, my instant response was to withdraw. After that, I didn't go to work for three days. Funny enough, my classmate from college working in the same field popped up again and offered me a role (same job, but much more similar to my expertise), and I bit. Took the interview last Friday, all went well, got offered the job.

So now it is Tuesday, I have emailed my HR my resignation letter, and I will be showing up there tomorrow for the exit interview.

Please pray for me. The thought of having to discuss this with them face to face is kind of terrifying. I have battled so much with myself if this was something I could control; maybe I just need to shut my thoughts off and take it one day at a time. Maybe I just need to relax myself. I need to focus on the tasks at hand and do my best and stop overwhelming myself. But...I could not get myself out of bed for two days and only ate one meal a day. I could feel the burning in my stomach but no hunger. I had my first panic attack after years of no having one. I battled with myself--am I this weak? Is my anxiety valid? Am I just lazy? Quitting a job after a month? I felt like a joke. While crossing the street I hoped for a car to hit me. I didn't want to die, but also, I wouldn't mind, because it would mean the thoughts would stop. I just wanted my head to quiet down. I had no energy to do anything... I am just not doing well.

The new job hopefully has a more welcoming team. The work itself I know wouldn't be too difficult for me since my first job was like that too.

So... I'm sorry for this long message. I guess I just wanted to write down my thoughts and kind of untangle the messy strings of thought that I have at the moment. Church has helped so much, my Father is always patient and kind, and my family has voiced their support and concern. I'm thankful for that. Social anxiety (or anxiety in general; heck, any mental health issue in general) has so much stigma and I get it--it's because you won't understand it unless you experience it for yourself.

But I am thankful for every concern, prayer, support, and listening ear. Please continue to pray for me--wisdom in my career, to seek my strength and hope in Christ, and guidance. I might also start pursuing professional help too.

Thanks for reading this. If you suffer from anxiety, depression, what have you--please know you are not alone. Open up to someone and don't ever ever ever isolate yourself. It is so scary to be in that place, and it is so lonely, and I want you to know that you don't have to carry it alone. In the Body of Christ, we are called to carry each other's burdens; when you hurt, I hurt. When you rejoice, I rejoice with you.

Above all, the Father is good, He is sovereign over every circumstance. That means you (or your circumstances) are not powerful enough to screw up your life. He is still in control of every single delicate detail and He is using every thing for your good and His glory. And He loves you. Remember that.

#SORRY THIS IS LONG #personal #anxiety #social anxiety #Christianity

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ao3feed-harleykeener · 5 years

Link

by xoxo_death

"Dude, you've got to chill. I don't even see the big deal here."

"I told you! There's too much of a chance of them finding out about, you know, pew-pew!"

"Not helping Ned."

"And let's face it, on the off chance of that happening, Flash would probably manage to convince himself that you somehow hacked into the tower to have it placed there."

"Wow, thank you, my supposed best friend, for bringing up another cause of my anxiety. Your helpfulness and tact astounds me."

"Oh, just shut up."

Or, the insanely cliche field trip fic that it has my best efforts to tone down the unbearable cringe. And its more realistic. Hopefully. Read if you're as obsessed with this trope as I am. (and don't ignore the tags!)

Words: 1183, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen

#AO3 works tagged 'Harley Keener'#ao3feed #fanfic #harley keener #mcu #ao3feed-harleykeener #ao3

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a-concerning-toad · 5 years

Text

This is something I wrote last year. Still needs some work though.

So there’s this curse… My family has harbored it for generations back and now it will fall upon me. On my 20th birthday, this Saturday, I will die. Well I won’t exactly. I first will be plagued with a horrible illness that will mutate me until I am so sick I can’t go on. Sounds fun, right? Yeah no, I’ve been dreading it since I was told as a twelve year old. If you’re looking for something cool to tell your kid this is definitely not the idea of perfection.

My parents have only survived the curse because they had me. Basically if you have a kid it will be passed onto them somehow. Thanks for the great gift dad! I refused to have one of those demons so young and really I don’t think I’d want to pass this crap onto them so this is the result. So I decided I will at least have a last meal. I finished making my lunch and sat down. An egg and cheese toast sandwich with some apple juice. My one bedroom apartment wasn’t the best thing but it was cheap.

The living room’s light blue walls were empty and the couch stood lonely in the room. I just started taking my first bite as Jack almost broke my door down.

“ Could you not destroy my house? I pay good money for it… well some money at least.”

“ Sorry but I found this great snow cone place and they are amazeballs,” He said basically jumping off the walls. He did not handle sugar well. “ You should really try them.” “ You know how I am with sweets,” I said lifting an eyebrow annoyedly.

“ Come on Mal you never have any of them,” He complained.

“ Shut up, you know I don’t like them. Plus they give me stomach aches,” I scowled.

“ Fine,” He surrendered slumping down on the couch like a stuffed animal. I finished off my sandwich, quickly washed it, and sat back down.

“ Hey how's Bronwyn doing? I haven’t seen her for like…. A week.”

“ She’s been working on a school essay, something about how incest creates problems in the family line, I don’t know its weird.”

“ Thats our Bronwyn,” He smiled goofily with it going across his whole face and showing off his strangely white teeth. Bronwyn has been my best friend since we were 12. It was a nice break from having no friends and tons of anxiety, you know the usual. Thunder rippled outside as a knock banged against the door, or what was left of a door.

Looking at you Jack. I got up and stuck my eye through the peephole. The girl that stood outside, now soaked, was Bronwyn. I quickly unlocked the door Jack that had locked, his agitation is to be blamed, and she walked in, taking the rainstorm with her.

“ Jack get her a towel.” He was already jumping up when he yelled,” ON IT!”

“ Thanks,” She shivered hugging herself. I led her over to the couch and I know what you’re thinking don’t let her sit on the couch she’ll get it wet! Well I’m gonna die tonight so whatever. Jack ran back in and squished her in the towel his dirty brown-red hair flopping around. I sat next to her and picked at my nails.

“ Why are you here? I thought you had an essay due tomorrow,” I questioned.

“ Well I couldn’t miss my best friends birthday,” She shivered her teeth clacking together. Appearance wise we were almost opposite. Her with long blonde hair, light fair skin, a bit of acne on top her forehead (which she hid under her bangs), cute chubby cheeks, dark hazel eyes, a pair of thick black glasses, shortest of us all, and was chubbier than me and Jack. Least to say she was gorgeous. I on the other hand had dark skin, black frizzy hair, thin cheeks along with a thin body and practically no curves, short nails because of my nail biting problem, am tall, and have light toned blue eyes. The only similarity between us was that we both had long hair and even then it was different textures. She smiled and handed me a slightly crumpled up package saying,” Here, I know it's not much but I thought you would like it.” I ripped open the gift and inspected the necklace inside. It was simple, a light marble arrow head hung on some black string.

I placed it around my neck and clutched it in my hand.

“ Thank you,” I smiled at her. She smiled back at me and scooted closer trying to warm up then a thought occurred to me. “ Hold on you can change into something I have.”

She bit her lip worried and said,” Well, your clothes are kinda small for me.”

“ Don’t worry I have some stuff.” I picked out something simple: dark green baggy jeans and a red t-shirt that said chill on it, also big on me. Newly dried, she came out of the bathroom in the clothes. Not her usual clothes as she mostly rocked but cute. She pushed her long, wet hair to one side, reapplied the chap stick she always wore, and thanked me for the clothes, pulling at the shirt. Jack laid out on the couch, taking the whole thing of it, and opened his mouth to catch a piece of popcorn when the window set and door blew open. The wind almost threw us back and rain hit us like boulders.

I looked over to Bronwyn to see her sprawled out on the ground, knocked out. Rage poured out of me, somehow channeling into energy. I pushed through the wind’s force and slammed shut the windows and door then ran over to her. I put my fingers to her neck and felt for a heart beat. Weak and faint. She, luckily, was strong and hopefully was only knocked out.

I turned around and yelled at Jack, who was just getting his head back,” What time is it?!”

Disoriented, he whimpered back,” 9:47.” I had two minutes until I was 20. Two minutes until my death. I couldn’t let them get hurt by this but there was no time left. I looked at Jack and suddenly knew what to do.

“ Jack give me your hands I have to tell you something important,” I commanded. He lifted his arms out towards me and I grabbed him by the wrists. Immediately the visions flooded through me and into him, showing him what my curse was. Or what I thought it would be.

___

Side note if anyone has ever possibly read this far, all body types are beautiful Mallory just has a bad mindset of herself. <3

#writing #draft #story #fiction #writeblr

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thedrowsydoormouse · 5 years

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@anangelamuse-castiel-spnfam told me to answer all the god/goddess questions so here goes nothing!

Anubis: How do you feel about death?

It depends on the situation. I’m not good at dealing with other people dying but I myself am not scared of it.

Atum: What are your greatest imperfections?

I’m a little too OCD sometimes to the point where I have a hard time leaving the house.

Bastet: Do you have any cats?

I wish but I can’t because people I live with are allergic.

Hathor: What brings you joy?

Music, Disney, glitter, dancing, being weird with my friends. It’s a very long list.

Horus: What is one thing you’ve had to fight for in your life?

I’m very lucky because I haven’t really had to fight for anything super major. And even the stuff I had to “fight” for was more just like me having to give a really convincing argument.

Osiris: Do you believe in the underworld?

Yes. And there’s a good chance I’m gunna wind up there some day.

Ra: Do you have any major responsibilities or importance?

*laughs* God no! And I like it that way!

Thoth: Do you like to read/write?

I did a lot when I was younger but lately I just haven’t had the focus or inspiration to sit down and write or read.

Arawn: What is the most terrifying thing you’ve ever done?

Several people I know think I’m a witch because weird things tend to happen around me like my evil 1st grade teacher dying after I put a “curse” on her for treating me like shit. For someone who was maybe 7 or 8 at the time that’s both impressive and terrifying!

Bran: How is your health?

Shockingly really good considering I spend almost all my time sitting on my ass watching movies and eating crap!

Brighid: Tell us about your relationship with your father.

With my birth father it’s really good because we basically have the exact same personality so we get along really well. With my adopted dad it’s ok but he gets on my nerves a lot and does it on purpose just to piss me off because he has the maturity of a 12 year old.

Cernunnos: What is your favorite animal?

I love cats! I mean I also love all animals pretty much equally but cats in particular!

Danu: What is your relationship with your mother?

My adopted mom is like one of my best friends but my birth mom is an evil manipulative psycho bitch who’s basically dead to me.

Morrigan: What do you think happens when we die?

kind of a cross between purgatory and reincarnation where part of us moves on and becomes a new person but the main part of us that makes us who we are stays behind as a ghost.

Olwen: What is your favorite flower?

I actually hate flowers because the smell gives me headaches and makes me nauseous.

Rhiannon: Have you ever been betrayed?

Multiple times by multiple people in some really horrible ways (like the ex who cheated on me with my own sister then dumped me because I wouldn’t go down on him but she would).

Bragi: What kind of music do you listen to?

Pretty much everything but mostly rock and alternative. As I’m typing this question I’m listening to Iron Man by Black Sabbath from this spotify playlist https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2fhB2uO04lD24DZBMEOb8S?si=pd6oDln_RM2bUTTPe94R6Q

Freya: Have you ever been in love?

I currently am in love and I’ve been in love in the past. Lets hope this time it ends up working out better for me than last time!

Freyr: Do you have any children?

No. And I don’t want any.

Hœnir: Are you a silent or talkative person?

It depends on who I’m with. With some people I don’t say a word but with others I never shut up.

Iounn: How old are you?

24 going on 25 in November.

Loki: What is the best trick you’ve ever pulled on someone?

I actually don’t pull tricks or play pranks.

Odin: What is your family like?

Complicated. I was adopted and have a very large adopted family (most of whom I don’t speak to anymore for one reason or another but mostly bigotry) and I also consider my birth dad's side of my birth family to be part of my family but have no contact with my birth mom’s side.

Thor: Would you consider yourself pretty powerful?

I would hope so. Or else all the ghosts I’ve pissed off are going to come after me when they realize I’m defenseless!

Tree: What have you done with your life? What are you going to do with it?

So far I’ve done nothing but drop out of college and almost wind up hospitalized for anxiety related stuff. But hopefully in the near future I’ll be doing something in the entertainment industry.

Aphrodite: What do you think of yourself?

I love myself and I’m really proud of the person I’ve become.

Ares: Are you an easy person to anger?

It depends on the situation. Most of the time no. But if you’re a close-minded bigot I will unleash hell.

Athena: Would you consider yourself an artist?

I should hope so considering I went to art school and want to do something in a creative field!

Apollo: Do you play any instruments?

I used to take guitar lessons but I sucked. Now I just sing because it’s way easier!

Dionysus: Do you drink?

Regularly!

Hades: Do you have a bad reputation?

It depends on who you talk to. With most people they only every have the nicest things to say about me but with certain people who know who they are they won’t even talk about me.

Hekate: Have you ever tried to communicate with the dead?

I have tried and succeeded and do it fairly regularly.

Hermes: Have you ever stolen anything?

When I was like 3 or 4 I stole a tube of lip gloss that was like $3.

Poseidon: Are you a moody person?

It depends on a lot of factors. I try not to be but some things just send me over the edge.

Zeus: Are you a confident person?

Some may say a little too confident. But I love my body and i love who I am and it shows and if you can’t handle that then that’s your problem and not mine.

Jupiter: Would people say that you are intimidating or fairly approachable?

For the most part I’m intimidating (I’m over 6′ tall with vibrant dark red hair and usually dressed in all black because goth). But I try to be somewhat approachable to an extent.

Pluto: Where do you think we go when we die? I kind of touched on this in a previous question where part of us moves on to another life and part of us stays behind as a ghost.

Apollo & Dianna: Do you prefer to be up during the day or at night?

I’m pretty much nocturnal at this point.

Mars: Have you ever gotten into a fight?

Multiple times. And I always win!

Minerva: Do you generally give good advice?

I’d like to think so because a lot of people ask me for advice and they wouldn’t keep doing it if I gave bad advice.

Proserpine: Have you ever felt trapped?

Multiple times. And it gives me anxiety just thinking about it!

Plutus: Do you have a job?

Not at the moment.

Venus: Have you ever had your heart broken?

Too many times for my liking.

Vesta: Do you like being home or do you try to get out whenever you can?

I’m a home body. I love chilling on my bed in my jammies!

Morpheus: Do you daydream often? Of what?

I’m in a pretty much permanent state of daydreaming and the subject of them is constantly changing!

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its-love-u-asshole · 6 years

Text

Twelve Hours [Ch. 3]

Pairings: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei

Summary: Kuroo Tetsurou has dealt with a lot since he was eighteen, each year bringing the same depressing challenges on the same depressing night. He expects this time to be no different, but the universe is trying desperately to prove him wrong in the most bizarre ways imaginable. So screw it, Kuroo’s only choice is to buckle in and hope he doesn’t die. Easy enough. And hey, with some new allies at his side, maybe he has a chance. Who knows? At least Kuroo is sure of one thing in life when it comes to March 15th, and he stands by this unwritten law, no matter what happens:

If you try to kill pizza delivery boys on Purge Night, you’re irrevocably a bitch.

Rating: T

Tags: Purge AU, mentions of violence but nothing graphic or too bad, no character deaths here okay, this is borderline crack and idk what I was thinking, first meetings, other characters, shenanigans and just…a lot of fun (it seems angsty but its not)

Note: Woohoo I remembered to post this today lol. I’m excited for this chapter and the next because the plot is really starting to pick up, so I hope you all enjoy! Thanks to @emeraldwaves for reading this over!

AO3

The first thing Kuroo noticed about Tsukishima's home was the sheer number of books he had. The walls were lined with towering shelves, volumes upon volumes staring Kuroo down. Some were flimsy with unreadable spines, while others sparkled with an untouched gleam. He wondered how many of these the blond had actually read, or if maybe he could borrow a few sometime.

However, the books were pretty much the only personalized aspect of the home. No pictures on the walls, no posters, nothing but frames with generic stock photos of fancy cars placed in them. It didn't fit Tsukishima's vibe at all, and Kuroo squinted at the unfitting splashes of color as he peered around the home. He was satisfied to find a disorganized and impressive collection of DVDs though. Guess he's not a robot...

Not that Kuroo expected that.

"Your curiosity is burning holes in the wall," Tsukishima's voice floated from the kitchen, and Kuroo was greeted with a sight much too casual for such a grim day. Tsukishima sat atop the counter, despite the barstools nearby, munching on his second piece of pizza.

Kuroo laughed, sheepish at the thought of being watched. Where were his manners? His mother had raised him better...

"Sorry, but, I kinda don't get it," Kuroo said, gesturing to the second floor. By his count, the home had at least three bedrooms, probably spacious too. Hell, the living room was the size of his apartment. The kitchen shined from a fresh polishing, adorned with granite countertops and all the latest kitchen appliances.

It was a family's dream home. Anyone's dream home. So...

"You don't get why I'm here alone," Tsukishima stated, picking at a piece of burnt crust with his finely trimmed nails. Kuroo winced. There went any hopes for manners...

But they were kind of breaking a lot of rules already. Why not cut the crap?

"Uh, is the rest of your family...hiding?" Kuroo asked. And if so, why weren't you?

"I live here by myself, no one's hiding, no one's out of town. It's just me." Tsukishima took a bite of his pizza, staring resolutely at the dark wood floor.

Kuroo wondered if he should change the topic. It wasn't his business to pry, and if Tsukishima wasn't going to willingly offer up more information then--

"My parents and brother used to live here, but they moved away when the Purge started," Tsukishima said, shrugging. Noting Kuroo’s intense stare, Tsukishima squinted, debating on how many personal facts to give away. In the end, he must’ve decided he didn’t care. "I think mom and dad still live in Japan, but my brother and I don't talk to them anymore. Things...went sour."

Oh.

Kuroo didn't have anything to say to that, for fear that he'd end up word vomiting questions at the blond. He'd always been a bit of a gossip, unable to resist knowing every little thing he could. This felt calmer somehow, less urgent. His curiosity was still present, but he figured Tsukishima would give him the answers on his own.

Kuroo could play it cool, one small question at a time.

"It's a beautiful house," Kuroo told him, chuckling at the way Tsukishima frowned to himself. Or maybe not. Homes were only as good as the memories made in them. "What about your brother?"

Caught off guard by the mundane question, Tsukishima sat up, finally blessing Kuroo with a glimpse of those bewitching eyes. Much better.

Hopefully Kuroo hadn't stepped on a landmine.

"...Europe," Tsukishima answered after a beat of silence, his shoulders relaxing. Kuroo took the opportunity to cross the gap, taking a seat in one of the barstools next to where Tsukishima perched. "There's a good hospital there he likes, and his wife is there. Since he's in a wheelchair now, he needs all the peace he can get."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Kuroo said, biting his tongue.

"Don't be," Tsukishima said, his smile soft, directed in the distance. "He's happy there. No more Purge, no more problems."

"Ah, I love that song!" Kuroo exclaimed, helping himself to pizza. After all, he'd risked his life to deliver it. He was entitled to a slice.

Plus, it helped to keep his mouth shut. Tsukishima rolled his eyes, but the smile didn't fade, and they ate in comfortable silence.

Kuroo kept looking around the house, his enthusiasm falling from seeing the bare walls, the lack of possessions. If Tsukishima's family no longer lived here, the rooms must've been empty too...

The poetic, nerdy side of him wanted to make some metaphor to the Purge, but he didn't have it in him. When the night was over, maybe he'd come back and help Tsukishima paint a wall or two.

Also to nag him, because wow.

"I don't care what you say, living in this huge house all alone makes you the biggest target," Kuroo said, gesturing wildly to the large space. Tsukishima's rottweilers raised their heads at the sound, before deciding they didn't care enough to rise from their beds. "How are you not dead yet?"

"I told you, I'm prepared." Tsukishima waved his hand at nothing in particular, not at all quelling Kuroo's anxiety. "Not just the dogs, or the metal detector. There's cameras, there's weapons...and other things I’m not going to disclose to a stranger. Relax. Besides, it's a wasteland out here, nothing has happened since year one."

Huh, that was interesting. But Kuroo supposed rich people would try anything once.

"Oh? What makes you think it won't happen again," Kuroo said, chewing on his second slice. He glanced around the home suspiciously, wondering where Tsukishima hid the weapons. Surely, there must be some downstairs in the event of an attack.

Tsukishima went quiet, and the silence settled in the air like lead, weighing it down. Kuroo turned back to see the blond staring at him impassively, but with eyes that screamed a thousand words. "Because the perpetrators are gone. I told you, my parents moved away, didn't I?"

It made Kuroo nearly choke from swallowing too fast, the chill of the words shocking him into newfound sorrow.

Guess avoiding landmines wasn't his forte in the end.

"I'm, I didn't mean--"

"I know, I don't mind," Tsukishima said, carrying on like nothing was wrong. Worrisome. But Kuroo knew better than to trust Tsukishima’s facade, because that was a play straight out of his own book. "It happened a long time ago. We're safe now."

Kuroo didn't know if he was referring to themselves or Tsukishima and his brother, but either way, he accepted it.

And anyways, it wasn't his turn to ask a question now.

"No offense, but I never expected you to be delivering pizzas on Purge night," Tsukishima said a minute later, not sorry at all. "You were top of the class. At the start, anyways. I expected you to be a lawyer or an accountant. Although, your hair kinda ruins the image."

Oh, so you've got jokes now.

Kuroo poked Tsukishima's thigh enough to make him jump. Little shit. "Hey, this hair is a winner. And I've got time. I'm trying to make a little extra money is all."

He didn't go into his crippling doubts and unrealized dreams, or the fact that the year in question was the last time he'd been top of the class ever, but the blond didn’t have to know that.

"You must be desperate then," Tsukishima said with a smug smile, though it was ruined by the red stain of pizza sauce. It was less desperation and more...something Kuroo wouldn't think about, mostly because he wasn't 100% sure.

"Says the one who would try to fend off an attack by themselves," Kuroo shot back. "Well, and with the boys over there."

The rottweilers 'boofed' at the attention, but otherwise, they stayed put. At least they'd probably defend their master to the end.

"You don't know anything about how I purge." Tsukishima hopped off the counter, disposing of his trash in one of the bins. Kuroo followed suit, but didn't take his eyes off the blond. The subject was...a dicey one, but...

"You purge?"

Just the inquiry itself made Kuroo sick. He wanted to like Tsukishima, already did, but...Kuroo hated the Purge, hated anyone who thought it was okay. It brought nothing but strife and death, and he didn't care if people were working out excess energy or desires, they were part of the issue. Kuroo never purged willingly unless it was self-defense.

He watched Tsukishima as he walked over to one of the shitty car paintings, his nose scrunching up at the gaudy orange color. Yeah, same.

"Once, only once," Tsukishima said after an eternity. His voice was barely audible despite the emptiness of the home, but Kuroo was determined to hear every word. "I don't...I didn't want to. I wouldn't do it again."

Tsukishima turned away, facing the wall, but Kuroo could hear the guilt, saw how his shoulders tensed up. The relief was back, along with the new need to comfort the blond in any way, shape, or form.

"The first year?" Kuroo asked, assuming. After all...if that was when his parents...yeah.

Tsukishima shook his head. "Year two."

And well, Kuroo could tell the conversation was over after that.

They ended up watching Jeopardy reruns, and for the first time in a while, Kuroo felt smart.

"I don't understand how you possibly know this much about chemistry and math formulas," Tsukishima said, digging a spoon into a tub of ice cream. Kuroo noticed the other hadn't stopped eating the whole time he'd been there. Maybe it was a nervous tick...a Purge ritual, in his own way.

But yeah, Kuroo was kicking ass.

"Guess my brain remembers more than I thought," he said triumphantly. "You smashed the romantic literature category too, so I had to fight back."

Now all the books made so much sense...

"Also," Kuroo began, eyeing Tsukishima with fake suspicion. "Should I be concerned about how well you answered the 'you call that a knife' category?"

And he at last managed to get a full, genuine laugh out of Tsukishima. Much better than the gunshots and explosions outside.

"I told you, I'm prepared," Tsukishima said with a hum, scooping at the last bite of cookie dough ice cream. Kuroo followed the way his lips pressed against the spoon, suddenly craving the sweetness himself.

A few seconds passed however, and Tsukishima's neutral frown had returned, bleak as ever. It didn't matter what they did, Kuroo could tell the guilt from earlier had remained in Tsukishima's mind, as well as the reminder that it was the worst night of the year. Kuroo may not have known anything about Tsukishima’s own experience with it, but he wanted to help.

Even if it meant bringing up things he wanted to forget.

Ironically enough, the new category on screen was 'live long.'

Ha. He could dream.

"You know, it's okay if you've hurt people," Kuroo said. "I think we all have. Don't get me wrong, I hate the Purge, but sometimes you can't avoid it."

He let the words sit in the air, hoping they didn't anger Tsukishima. Kuroo wasn't trying to baby him or anything, it was how he truly felt about the situation. It pissed him off, but it wasn't totally useless advice.

This might've been too much for two strangers. We're not exactly strangers though, right?

Kuroo didn't want to be.

A few seconds later, he heard Tsukishima exhale, as if he hadn't breathed in hours. "I know. I don't regret what I did. More that I had to do it at all."

Yeah, if that wasn't a mood. Kuroo could've done so much more with his life if he'd just been free of this stupid holiday. It forced him into corners and boxes, ones he'd rather not inhabit. He understood. Regardless, he couldn't shake the intensity of Tsukishima's secret, if it could be called that...

So, he did what he did best. He asked.

"What did you do? If you don't mind me asking," Kuroo said, voice dropping to a whisper. Oof, alright, coulda done that better. It made him sound like he would cut and run at any moment.

Sensing their master's tension, Tsukishima's dogs hopped onto the couch, nuzzling them both. Kuroo needed to look into a therapy dog himself. Tsukishima smiled as he massaged one of the dogs’ heads, mulling over his answer while Kuroo tried to remember how to breathe.

"Nothing like murder, sorry to disappoint you," Tsukishima revealed. Disappoint? That's the biggest relief in the world. The air blew out of him, and Tsukishima snorted, but fuck it, Kuroo didn't have time to be embarrassed.

"I robbed someone. Someones. And it was a lot of money," Tsukishima said. "My brother needed surgery, I needed a way to get away from mom and dad. Back then, it made sense. Now I'm not sure, but it's done."

It was like he’d read it from a book or something, emotion detached, but Kuroo figured that was another form of coping. Tsukishima glared at the television, burying his face in the nearest pillow. He huddled in on himself, the sign of reservation and hesitance. Not used to sharing then huh...

Kuroo guessed he was the same. No one really talked about the Purge. The last time he'd brought it up had been.... he couldn't remember.

Wow.

Sighing to himself, Kuroo smiled, because there didn't seem to be a proper expression for such a feeling. But Tsukishima, who didn't give off the most open of vibes, had opened up to him. So, he was happy. As happy as he could be.

"Thank you," Kuroo said, smile growing at the sudden shock on Tsukishima's face. The blond turned so fast it had probably hurt his neck. "For telling me I mean! I don't think you should feel bad though, at least you did it for the right reasons. That's more than most can say."

Seriously...

Not that most others would care. Kuroo allowed himself to indulge in the small fantasy he'd created in Tsukishima's home though. That it was a normal, quiet night, and they were just hanging out. The weight of his weapons blurred the illusion a bit, but it would have to do.

Tsukishima stared at him, eyes glimmering, until he slowly nodded and turned away.

Kuroo watched the reflection of the bright blue Jeopardy screen bounce off the contours of Tsukishima's face as he sat, the cogs in his mind clearly working.

Tsukishima never seemed to stop thinking. Kuroo knew firsthand how it was as much a curse as a blessing.

But eventually, Tsukishima must've reached a conclusion. And oh, what a conclusion it was.

"You're kind of a disaster," the blond said a moment later, and Kuroo laughed so loud it concerned him. If a murderer had been in the house, they'd have been found in no time.

Well then. Here I was, trying to be nice....

"Oh? Never heard it said that easily before," Kuroo said, in between breathless gasps. "I was only trying to help."

"I wasn't finished," Tsukishima said, but his smirk told Kuroo the pause had been deliberate. Bringing his legs down from his chest, Tsukishima turned towards Kuroo, inviting, and Kuroo mirrored him. "You're a disaster, but..."

Kuroo arched a brow, intrigued by the light blush on Tsukishima's face that the television's glow couldn't hide.

Tsukishima sighed. "I guess, I wish I had talked to you sooner."

It took a moment for Kuroo to understand, but when he did, he felt the guilt creep up again. This time he wouldn't forget Tsukishima.

Yeah, me too.

And with any luck, he'd leave a good impression.

Smiling at each other, the moment seemed too perfect. Like some missing piece, Kuroo had at last reconnected with someone he didn't know he'd lost track of. It stumped him, but he felt like pieces remained missing, like he'd overlooked some things. They both had.

They could figure it out another time. For now, Kuroo wanted to sit in this moment, and pretend he didn't ever have to leave.

But, such was wishful thinking.

A crash rattled the whole house, breaking the moment like glass, and the alarms in his head began to sound like war sirens. Tsukishima reacted instantly, no time for shock. They were off the couch just like that, and Tsukishima's dogs were peeling off in the direction of the crash.

It didn't take much organization after that. There was no time for any other thought except survival. He exchanged a look with Tsukishima, and the blond nodded, wasting no time in pulling up the floorboards below them.

Oh, so that's where he hid them. Clever.

He'd admire later.

He took the machete handed to him, his mind racing with escape routes and strategies. He wondered what the best course of action was, if people could be waiting outside, how fast they could get to his car, everything.

Tsukishima's choice of weapon managed to break him out of his Terminator Mode™ because what the fuck is that?

"Is that a fucking flamethrower? That's not an authorized weapon," Kuroo sputtered, earning him a scathing glare as Tsukishima picked up the heavy artillery with ease.

Tsukishima paused, giving Kuroo a look that was equal parts hot and infuriating. "What are you a boy scout now? If I'm trying not to die, I'm going to use whatever the fuck I want."

"That violates so many laws."

"This whole night violates laws, like my right to living," Tsukishima said, standing up and marching in the direction of the crash, no signs of escaping. And uh....yeah, Kuroo couldn't argue with that. He followed Tsukishima, watching his back, and despite the tension he could hear the blond's irritated mumbling.

"The first night in over four years...coming into my damn house...it's the shittiest house on the block..."

If Kuroo had not been in full battle mode, he might've found it cute, but they had more pressing matters.

Like the huge hole where one of Tsukishima's bay windows used to be.

"Oh shit," Kuroo said, his footsteps slowing as they entered the room. He moved to face the hallway, in the event someone had already snuck in, which was more than likely considering the new entrance. The window, which had taken up a good half of the wall, had been obliterated, leaving chunks of glass littered around the hardwood, and on the grass outside. From where they stood, Kuroo could see the rest of the cul-de-sac, leaving them completely exposed. Fuck.

Okay, so he took back what he’d said about the flamethrower.

"That was bullet proof glass...how," Tsukishima mumbled, eyeing the shards on the floor with disbelief. It was then they both noticed the tire marks leading into the home, the black streaks staining the floor.

Not car proof though.

The fact someone was crazy enough to ram the side of the house with a car made Kuroo all the more worried. They were committed. Kuroo didn't dare walk outside to see if a car was there though, he wasn't that stupid.

The room had been barren aside from some dusty boxes, the remnants of what used to be a formal family dining room.

As if reading Kuroo's mind, Tsukishima huffed humorlessly. "At least this room's not important."

"We should get to my car," Kuroo whispered, and Tsukishima thankfully agreed. As equipped as they were, a fight wasn't preferred. Regardless of if no one had gotten inside, now anyone could. There were nine hours left in the Purge, and Kuroo didn't want to tempt fate.

"Let's go," Tsukishima said, forgoing any shoes as the reality of their situation set in.

If only they'd left right away.

"Wait," Tsukishima said, eyes darting down the hallway. "Where are my dogs?"

They both froze, listening for any barks or the patter of paws on wood. Nothing. In fact, with horror, they both realized they hadn’t heard anything in several minutes.

Silence meant death on a night like tonight.

Oh no.

"Don't worry," a voice said, coming from the direction of the garage just around the corner. And in that brief second, Kuroo knew they'd lost. He caught Tsukishima’s frustrated expression as the blond closed his eyes, cursing their foolishness.

"I took care of them for you," the voice continued, and Tsukishima stepped in front of Kuroo with trembling shoulders. Not from fear, but pure, limitless anger.

He may have hated this house, but goddammit, it was still his house. The notion became crystal clear to Kuroo, given how Tsukishima was prepared to take the first shot.

The garage door opened, and they both tightened their holds on the weapons. They were exposed from three angles now. The garage, the front of the house, and the side. Kuroo only hoped no one had snuck into the living room. The garage, and his car along with it, were now non-options. It would take a miracle now, or in less naive terms, it would probably take Tsukishima's damn flamethrower.

Kuroo definitely took back what he said earlier.

Either way, his chances of making it out alive now were slim, but hey? The night hadn't been as awful as he would've thought.

If anything, Kuroo was glad Tsukishima didn't have to face this alone, that he'd decided to stay.

He needed more time to come to terms with the rest of his regrets, but he wasn't given that luxury, because the next thing he knew, a group of masked men flooded the hallway, guns armed and ready.

#kurotsuki #haikyuu!!#adri writing

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thexsisters · 6 years

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2017

A lot has happened in 2017 for me. I started the year out getting incredibly sick and I had my first ever foot injury without being in any kind of sports. Haha. The month of January was awful. Let me tell you. But some of you know. Because you were there for me.

A few months speeding up to March and something really scary happened to my grandpa. Something that I wasn’t sure he could come back from. You guys helped me. Some of you more than others but what matters was that some of you reached out. Even if it was just once and only for a few minutes. Lord knows you all have your own lives too.

My grandpa is now nearly back to the way he was. It’s our miracle of 2017 for sure. I then went to the beach for the first time ever in May and it was a blast! I can’t wait to go to a different beach next year. As long as I don’t see any sharks because for real I may live in Ohio but sharks are my greatest fear, okay???

August started out as one of the most thrilling months of 2017 but within a week it became the worst month of 2017. I had been waiting to move out for so long and when I finally got my chance, I was played and lied to. Like usual. I think on some level I’m cursed. For reals. But anyway, August sucked. But you guys were there. You were. You got me through it.

2017 was also the year I finally learned what all the hype was about this group called BTS. I knew they were popular but I was just so hooked on VIXX that I wasn’t really ready to listen to anything else. And then I came back from my beach vacation in May and the Billboard awards was on. I was like “Oh cool! Kpop is making us proud with that BTS group!” And that was all it took for me to become a baby Army~

In the process of getting sucked into the fandom, I have met so many wonderful people! Army is a fandom that, like many, have good apples and bad apples. But I’m one of the lucky ones that have met nothing but good apples~ I’m very fortunate for that. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. You guys put up with my Jungkook spams and BTS trash posts in general. Haha!

Thank you

@grxnadxs

Chrissy. My adorable turtle with the cute shell~ Sometimes I imagine us just chilling in your shell while you tell me about things like your book cause I’m a huge fangirl, okay? But not just your book, I often imagine us talking about life and how I wish I could do more for you as a friend. If I could tattoo any quote to your body, it would be the famous quote by Christopher Robin. “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” You fight so many battles in your life. And even when you don’t always win those battles, you never give up the war. That takes real bravery, strength, and smarts. Gosh Chrissy. You’re one of the smartest girls I know. But I also know how anxiety has it’s way of clouding those smarts. Turning us into mumbling stumbling sheep who’ve lost our way. But this year you’ve kicked some major butt, okay? You got a job! You stared your enemies in the eye and you said “F*** you.” You went to that job fair, you got that interview, and you got that job. THE Chrissy that I know can do anything she sets her mind to got a job! I’m so proud of you, girl. This is our second Christmas as friends and you’re forever one of my best friends. There are still many battles to be fought, but let’s fight them together, okay?

@fluorvte

Laura. My skanky skank. The Sushi Mama. Sadly I did not get to spend as much of 2017 with you as I would have liked. Being what I believe is 6 hours apart makes things difficult, I know. But of course we always make it work. Bless you and Chrissy for throwing me that birthday party. You guys know how much I loved our AIM chats. Sadly AIM is a thing of the past now. But at least we have the memories in our head and our hearts. That birthday party meant so much to me. You made time out of your busy life for me. That means so much. I miss you. It’s probably selfish of me to say but it’s true. I try to be okay with it. I know you’re busy. But you’ll always be my owl that watches over me. You’re still sitting on my desk with Chrissy. I have those stuffed turtle and snow owl on my desk at work. So that I have you guys with me always~ No matter how often we don’t talk, I know you’re always with me. Thanks for being such an amazing friend and an amazing writer. You never fail to blow me away with your writing.

@intoyxurheart

Where do I even start with you? Aigoo. So much has happened that it feels like we’ve known each other for years. In fact it feels so long ago that I barely remember how we first started talking. Isn’t that awful? Haha. But I do indeed remember me approaching you first. I had been checking the people who were following me but had yet to actually approach me. So I thought I’d hit you up with an instant message here on tumblr. And that’s all it took. Here we are now. Several months later and we have so many ships and it makes me feel fuzzy. You, Chrissy, and one other person are the only ones who put up with all my crazy ideas and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for putting up with that because I know my imagination can get pretty wild and out there. You are most certainly my blessing from 2017. Being strong for me so that I can be strong for my friends and family. I can’t tell you enough how precious you are. Don’t let anyone tell you any different because my opinion is the only one that matters. Haha! Let’s have many more Christmases together, okay?

@hyohyorp

Oh sweet pea I’m so sorry. 2017 wasn’t good to us and I’m so very sorry for that. Things happened and I was still trying to find my way with how I wanted to rp male muses and you were my guinea pig most of the time. But you really stuck by me. And I just want you to know how appreciative I am of you and all your endless patience with me. Our time zones make rping live really difficult but you put up with it anyway. I’m so proud of you for making your multimuse blog. I bet you’re having a blast, right? heehee It’s so good to see you having a blast and enjoying yourself. I knew you’d love it. And hopefully 2018 will be full of fun moments for Taekwoon and Hyosung~

@gcholdtrops

I’m squealing and flailing cause like I don’t even know where to start, okay??? You’ve grown to be one of my idols. I’ll never forget how our story first started. The first chapter was honestly me watching you pop up on my list of recommendations provided by tumblr. I’d click your blog and instantly start sweating because like um hello. You’re totally above me and like I just didn’t think I’d ever be able to be worthy of your writing. Like I totally believed I wasn’t worth being in your ring of writers. Everything about you is amazing and I just couldn’t. Too chicken. Couldn’t do it. But one day I got the fuzzy dice to finally approach you. And I’m glad I did. Because here I am. And I’m still such a fangirl, okay? You’re always going to be my idol. I’ll never forget that first meme reply. I remember reading it over and over again on my lunch hours at work. Smiling like an idiot and being floored every time I read it. Our cuties are so naughty and cute and gosh I ship it hard core. Seulgi isn’t naughty in her other ships but dang she channels her inner BoA when she’s with her handsome composer.~ Let’s always be rp partners, Army, and most importantly friends.

@butlersrus

Waaah~ I know we don’t talk much out of character but from what I’ve seen, you’re absolutely precious! In fact I know so little that I don’t even know if you’re male or female so I do apologize. But this is about the people who’ve touched my life and been there for me this year and you’re one of them. Whether I know anything about you or not. And you deserve to be recognized. Much like with the cutie mentioned above you, I kept watching your blog pop up in my list of recommendations. Sooo many times I’d click your blog and nibble my nails nervously because like dang what if you thought I was weird or something. Like what if our muses weren’t compatible. But wow was I wrong. Like I die a fangirl’s death every time I see Seulgi with Shownu because I keep trying to blow on the sails of the ship. Willing it to sail all around the Caribbean. Haha! I love shipping and I’m terrible at slow burning ships because I just want it to happen now. I want them to kiss now! Haha! Thank you for making my days brighter with our rping. I always have a pleasant morning because there’s a cute reply from Shownu waiting for me in my IM on tumblr. It’s a wonderful start to my morning routine. Let me tell you~ Thank you. For everything. Let’s continue to be rp partners and even friends. I’m glad I got the guts to approach you. Hopefully you are just as happy~

@abxavterno

Cutie! Thank you so much for expressing concern over my icky eczema condition. Honestly if I were to bandage all my other patches of eczema, I would literally look like a mummy. There’s one big reason I dislike winter weather and this would be it. Dry skin. But don’t worry, I just gotta make it to at least like March or April and I think it’ll settle down and clear up. Till next time. OTL Anyway! Thank you so much for sticking around. I know there for awhile we’d have mun conversations and you’d share your worries with me. I still really value that and appreciate that. You’re so sweet and I feel like I can approach you any time. You’re a good person. I hope you know that. And gaaaah. Our muses are so cute! I don’t know if it’ll ever be an official ship but I definitely ship shy Seulgi with sexy Eros. I like the rp relationship we have. We’ve had a few threads and even though a lot of them haven’t worked out, that’s not stopped us from trying new pairings and plots. I like that~ I can appreciate and admire that. Thank you. You’ve made 2017 very enjoyable. Let’s keep at it!

@terniox

Sobs sobs sobs. I miss youuuuu. You were one of the first few people to pick me up when life around me was ending as I knew it. You were one of the first few people to help me dip my toes into the idea of being multiverse. I still only really had Tiffany at the time but I wanted her to have other verses. And you dived right in with me. Our ship is the longest lasting ship on this blog and it’s always going to be special to me. I hope you’re well. I really do because I know I don’t see or hear from you as often. But you’re still important to me. So you deserve your spot here with all these other wonderful people. Because you will forever be wonderful to me in my book. Let’s continue to be amazing friends no matter how far apart life tries to keep us, okay? Heehee~

@viiifates

Hellooooo~ Another one of those cuties who I don’t really talk to out of character but you’re still so wonderful to rp with! I like our plot. I honestly don’t know much about mafia plots no matter how many BTS mafia fanfics I read but haha! I promise I’m still having a blast no matter what. I have always wanted to dip my toes in the type of plot we have going on so it’s a joy and an honor to be able to rp that with you. I like how rping is casual and enjoyable while still being thrilling all at the same time. Thanks for putting up with my tumblr IM rping style that I’ve seemed to take quite a liking to lately. It’s so convenient and it’s still just as fun! You’re a wonderful rp partner and I hope we can also be good friends too!

@darksideofseoul

Ah sweetie pie! Thank you so much for being such a wonderful, understanding sweetheart. I was kinda sorta losing it and going out of my mind with panic the last time we spoke and I do apologize. I probably seemed so irrational. Apparently that’s what happens when eczema, stress, and coming down with a killer migraine falls upon you within two weeks’ time. I really do enjoy all our little threads we have going on. I’m glad we didn’t give up. BoA and Donghae are sooooo OTP material. heehee~ She’ll die if he ever proposes. haha! Thank you so much for being a wonderful rp partner. But not just for what you do within the rp community, but also what you do outside of it. You risk your life every day and I will always admire that. Stay strong and be safe out there, okay?

@dashdasxorphans

My fellow Ohioan! Congratulations on your wedding! I bet it was absolutely beautiful and hopefully you had lots of fun on your honeymoon~ Thank you so much for rping with me. I know it’s not something that happens often but I still enjoy every second of it. I never take it for granted. Your Leo was one of this blog’s first verses when it was still just Tiffany. Our muses have been through a lot and came a long way. I’ll always treasure the memories between our muses on this blog. You helped me learn what it was like to be multiverse so that I could one day become more confident in what I was doing as a writer and a mun behind the muse. Thank you. You’re wonderful and I hope you’re doing well!

@luminxscent

Sweet pea! I miss you bunches and I hope you’re doing well. I’ll never forget all that you’ve done for me. You were there when I was in so much pain. You managed to stay neutral while helping me piece myself and BoA back together. You know how much that means to me? When I was so sick that I could have physically puked. You were there. You were there. And I know we’ve had our ups and downs. But I think that’s what makes some of the greatest friendships. The strongest friendships. We always manage to gravitate back to each other. Through thick and thin. Thank you. I keep my pink haired Hongbin photo card at my desk and every time I look at it, I think of you. You gave me so many gifts and I wish I could give it back to you doubled! Please take care and never forget that you can always come to me to talk about anything~

@paperhecrts

New cutie friend person! Heehee~ You’re already turning into a partner who’s gonna fly with any idea I throw at you. I can tell. Thank you for embracing those crazy ideas and shipping with me from day one. Literally. Like I can tell we’ve got great chemistry as writers and I sure do hope I don’t annoy you with my out of character messages in tumblr IM. I get awfully paranoid when I realize that tumblr might not be sending my messages through. Seulgi and Baekhyun are just such OTP material and I’m excited for Tiffany and Jaebum. I love the rocky, unstable aspects of our two ships so far. It’s fresh and new and doesn’t scare me because I know in the end it’ll be okay for them~ I’m excited to see where they go in 2018!

@hvllelujah

Sweetheart! I sure hope you’re taking care of yourself. Color in a Hello Kitty coloring book for me, okay? Heehee~ I miss you and I really truly do hope you’re doing well. I know the last time we talked, you were getting life figured out which honestly is a full time job in itself. Remember, any time you wanna talk or need someone to just listen, I’m here. Our rping hasn’t exactly been a thing and once upon a time it really upset me but I’ve tried to grow up and be a big girl about things like that. Especially now that I’m gaining perspective and know how hard it is to keep up when all you wanna do is focus on other things. I’m sorry I ever made things difficult for you. I hope you can forgive me. I just really loved your writing and I wanted to be a part of it. But having matured over time, I really do hope you’re taking care of yourself and doing what’s best for you~ You be good, okay? Heehee.

@xvrwxrld

Whines I hope you’re taking care of yourself, sweet pea. You know how much I worry about you. Overworking yourself or living in conditions less than healthy. Stay warm this winter. I wish I could mail you a bunch of blankets. My grandmother made me a ton that I could give you. We’ve had our fun moments though, haven’t we? Time and schedules always seem to get in our way of rping. But I’ll never forget what you told me not too long ago. How you enjoyed my muses and thought they were wonderful. That’ll always mean a lot to me and I still blush like an idiot over it. I often worry that my girls are too....out there and weird. Haha. So thank you for taking the time to admire each one of them. I’ll always treasure that. One day we’ll get to plot and rp. I don’t know when, but it’s gonna happen. Count on it!

@avtvmnwings

I miss you, dear. I hope you’re okay and enjoying life~ Hopefully life is treating you well. It’s been awhile since we last spoke but I still think about you and I still try to watch over you from afar. We’ve had a lot of fun and exciting rps though, ne? You’re a great writer and I don’t ever want you forgetting that. Our out of character conversations were always enjoyable and heartfelt. I treasure those moments because you were able to open up to me and I appreciate that. More than you’ll know. You take care of yourself, okay? Be good and stay strong. You’re doing a wonderful job. Heehee~

#christmas 2017 #keepsake #(( *sweats* i don't think i'm missing anyone ))#(( yes this is early because it's been so long and i miss everyone ; ; ))

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notprincehamlet · 7 years

Text

tecklenburg misadventures & meeting pia again: a post

August 13.

11 am. I come to the Düsseldorf train station to leave for Tecklenburg.

11:15 am. Turns out my train, of all trains, is five minutes late. Interesting.

12 am. Someone kicks me out of the seat because they booked it. After that I start realizing I will probably miss the second train because this one was late in the first place. Mild fear begins to settle in.

1 pm. The train arrives. I jump out and see that my other train has not left yet. I sprint down and up the stairs with my heavy-ass suitcase in two seconds. I make it to the train. Some guys are laughing at me. Then I see the info board. Turns out this train was also late. It doesn't leave the station for the next ten minutes. I begin to get the jokes about Deutsche Bahn.

2 pm. I arrive to Lengerich. Now I only need to catch the bus to Tecklenburg. I see two buses approaching but I'm not sure if any of them is mine. I have to check. By the time I finish checking, both of the buses have left. One of them was definitely mine.

2:30 pm. I find the bus schedule on the wall. Apparently, the next bus will only come in two hours because it's Sunday. I want to punch myself in the face. The station is eerily quiet. I sigh, sit down and start rereading Rebecca.

2:45 pm. A taxi drives by to the taxi parking. The driver and I exchange glances. I'm not sure if I should do this and spend the money on a taxi. But what if the bus doesn't come and this guy also leaves?

3 pm. My anxiety and I approach the driver. "Sprechen Sie Englisch?" I ask hopefully - hope is always the last to die, after all. "No". Hope dies in agony. "Können Sie mich nach Tecklenburg fahren?" He can. We drive.

3:15 pm. The hotel door is locked. This can't be happening. I start pushing every button I can find on the wall because I’m smart like that.

3:16 pm. A man parks his car nearby and comes to the door, carrying some boxes. I ask him if he knows how to enter, adding the shameful "Ich spreche aber fast kein Deutsch" at the end of my sentence. Turns out he works here.

3:20 pm. The key to my room is missing. I love adventures. The room, however, isn’t locked, so I can at least come inside and get ready for Rebecca. "Der Schlüssel kommt später," says the guy. Cue nervous laughter.

4 pm. I come down to ask if anyone has found the key. Nope. Someone, however, is gonna come in an hour, and that someone apparently has the key. I start googling mild German insults, just in case.

6 pm. I come down to leave for Rebecca and see the key hanging on the board behind the counter. The girl (she speaks English) hands it to me. "Sorry, I found it too late", the woman next to me says, also in English. She is beautiful. I'm gay and not angry anymore. She tells me to open the front door with the same key because it will be late when I return from the musical. She asks me if I would like to have breakfast tomorrow from 8 to 10. Maybe I would but I’m too gay to think about it right now. On that bright note I lock my door and leave.

***

I did manage to come earlier, which was nice after all the nightmares I'd had about being late to Rebecca (yeah, I guess being a bit late to Elisabeth in June took a toll on me). It was such a nice weather and I'm SO grateful for it, especially since it had been raining so hard the night before. Tbh I’d been kinda skeptical about the production at first becase it looked so different from the Stuttgart one and I thought the costumes looked ugly but my friends told me I’d definitely like it (especially if I didn’t rewatch the Stuttgart production - which I didn’t). AND SURPRISE, I LOVED IT. Let me just say I will never doubt open air productions again. Everything was so cleverly done imo and I loved the changes made to adapt to the demands of an open air stage and the costumes didn’t look so ugly in person :”) I would’ve loved it even if it hadn’t been Gay™ and that’s huge because Gayness was my main criteria for this show (i know.... i know)

We all know the main reason I came there for (Gay Icon Mrs Danvers aka Pia Douwes aka Actual Light of my Life etc etc) but I was really excited to see the rest of the cast. I was curious about Milica since I’d only heard like.. one song of hers. And I loved her (d u h I almost cried during Zeit in einer Flasche), though her Ich seemed a bit too mature for my liking. As for Jan Ammann, I still can’t believe I saw and heard him live, I love one man ;~~; and I don’t know him personally but I.... trust him. Also! He looked more like Laurence Olivier than usual, 10/10 would recommend 😍 I was very much looking forward to Roberta Valentini as well. I love Kerstin Ibald’s Beatrice with all my heart but Roberta was wonderful too, and I think I would’ve picked her Beatrice if I ever had to choose. I’m glad I don’t actually have to choose though C: I also really liked Thomas Hohler, which was a surpise since I’ve never given much thought to him. Guess I gotta check him out in Elisabeth or something.

(there was also this one guy in the ensemble whose face was dead serious the whole time he was dancing and it was h i l a r i o u s. also #mood. and he reminded me of Thomas from Downton Abbey)

Now, to the Love of my Life. Mrs Danvers was Extra Gay in this version, I would like to thank everyone involved in making the gayness happen ;~; the Gay Subtext™ was palpable and I loved every second of it. Pia was amazing and killed it in every song, and by it I mean “IT but also ME”. The stage was pretty big and I died a little every time Pia was upstairs or in Rebecca’s bedroom because I couldn’t see her properly then. Good thing I have a strategy for such cases; it’s called “press glasses as close to your eyes as you can and squint as hard as possible”. Now to (some of) the songs and general moments.

Sie ergibt sich nicht: gay, upstairs, the orchids are red, nice Die lieben Verwandten: ROBERTA AND HER PLAID TWEED LOOKS The scene after Bist du glücklich: the way Danvers asked Ich what she did with the remains of the statue made a Danvers-shaped hole in my heart (and I don’t even like Mrs Danvers l o l)

Danvers: *lurks at the back of the stage looking pensive* Me: *clutches chest* oh my god (was she realy somewhere on stage during Hilf mir durch die Nacht or did I imagine it? or was it during another song? I honestly can’t tell anymore)

Was ist nur los mit ihm: I just listened to it again and almost cried, I love Roberta so much and I loved her in that green dress Sie war gewohnt, geliebt zu werden: THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SONG FROM THIS MUSICAL NO JOKE and I loved the whole setup with Rebecca’s bedroom. Not sure what to think of the whole Favell on top of Danny thing but I had to try very hard to block every association with amateur porn from my mind because EWWWW. In other news: this song is still gay and I l o v e it. Rebecca: I REALLY ACTUALLY HONESTLY HEARD IT LIVE CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. ICONIC. Obviously, this song became 198776542x times more gay (I thought it wasn’t possible but here we are) because of that Rebecca shadow thing and Danvers putting the nightgown on her. I had vaguely heard about it and I’d heard it was controversial so I didn’t really know what to think at first. It’s hard to overestimate my undying belief in not having any physical representation of Rebecca at all, and I feel like this wasn’t really necessary, but on the other hand the production didn’t suffer one bit because of it. Plus the Rebecca/Danny shipper in me says YES PLEASE THAT WAS AMAZING. Yeah, I’m pretty biased here (BIased!!!!! get it????/?). Finale erster Akt: I got chills.

Then came the intermission and after an hour of sitting on a wooden bench my lower back was Not Happy.

Rebecca (Reprise): I felt like someone was cutting my heart out of my chest thanks to Pia, plus goosebumps all over Nur ein Schritt: I live for creepy!Pia tbh. And the rocket was real! Have I mentioned I love open air now? Mrs Danvers bin ich: Danvers looked so hurt, m*rder me right now :”) and I was looking forward to hearing Pia shout “Nein” but I got distracted right before it l m a o. Life is hard when you have the attention span of a goldfish. The court scene: I live for this kind of symbolism!!!!!!! The scene where they found out Rebecca was sick and it was like someone stabbed Mrs Danvers when she heard it.... that moment ended me. I thought that was IT. But I knew nothing yet. Ich war ihr nah: WOWZIES. I’m always a sucker for some suffering!Pia, especially when she’s alone on stage. Just. Wow. Her voice. Her acting. She really did THAT. Also...... gay. Jenseits der Nacht & Manderley in Flammen: I LOVED the way they handled the fire!!!! That was the thing I was looking forward to the most. Everything looked so good. Besides, the weather was really cooperating which only added to the atmosphere. My friend had told me I would die and I *was* dying, but then The Scream happened. THAT was when I truly died. The Scream & Rebecca taking Mrs Danvers with her: DID SATAN CREATE THIS? IS THIS A FANFIC OR?? I’M???? #DEAD #SHOOK #SHOOKETH Tbh I was about to crawl to the nearest cemetery, dig my own fucking grave and just lie there. Then again, that moment was absolutely unnecessary from the rational point of view but I enjoyed it SO much and I felt SO emotional that I don’t give a single shit. THAT WAS AMAZING.

***

After the show and multiple bows (I love these people) it was over. And when you leave, you have to walk up the stage and towards the entrance. May have screamed a little when I saw the set up close, may have taken a blurry selfie (or three). Anyways, I found the stagedoor, I found my friends, I managed to burn my finger on some vile stingy plant all within the scope of 30 minutes, and THEN She came out. And She was the sweetest. As always. I just. Talent aside, I will never get over how genuinely NICE and GOOD Pia is. She took her time to talk to everyone, she posed for pictures, she signed everything and she was very excited about her gifts :”) she is such a good person and I honestly can’t deal with the way she radiates that energy.

I wanted to give her a book of translated Russian poetry as a gift, I’d even wrapped it up in craft paper and stuck a “thank you” sticker on it. I wish the book was thinner but it was the only one I found that had most of my favourite poems lol #priorities. I had A LOT of doubts about it but then again, I’m pretty sure it’s not the weirdest gift she’s ever got. So I finally came up to Pia, said hi, gave her the gift, pointed out the “thank you” sticker and explained that it meant “thank you for your work” (her face was so close holy shit). Honestly, I keep saying sorry and thank you every time I meet her lmao but I’m thankful!!! and I’m sorry!!! and I want her to know that!!! what else am I supposed to do!!!! And I *think* I said something about the show being great and her being great in it, but I’m not sure.

Then she was like “and you’re from...?” “Russia”, I told her, not expecting her to remember anything about me. Then she went “Of course! We’ve met before, right?” “We did, yes” “I was gonna say Russia!” WHAT KIND OF FACE MEMORY DOES SHE HAVE OH MY GOD. Well, probably the selective kind, let’s be real here, but this is still unbelievable. As of August 13 it has been a little over a year since our last brief meeting - a year, three months and 12 days but who’s counting? - and after all this time there was something that made her go "wait, I know her” when she saw me ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ And it’s the SECOND time she remembered me so we’re practically married at this point, right? Right??? I replied with something generic like “oh, you remember me? That’s so nice!” yeah, “nice” indeed :“”“) I will be raving about it forever because I honestly can’t believe it keeps happening to me. What have I done to deserve this? Could it be possible to love this woman more? At that particular moment I thought not, but the evening wasn’t over yet. Then this happened:

Me: thank you 😍 Pia, taking the gift: thank you! Me, distracted by her closeness: thank you 😍 Pia, pointedly: thank you for the gift Me: Oh. You’re welcome. (jesus fucking christ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Then she signed my programme and then I almost left without a picture because I was THAT awestruck :’’’’’’’) As we posed, she was standing THIS close to me and she was touching my elbow behind my back all the time we were posing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can see how hard I’m trying to conceal my emotions in the pics because um ??? an actual Goddess is touching my arm right this second???? And then she said she appreciates my coming to see her again ♥ I’m sorry but I’m pretty sure being this precious is illegal, I’m gonna have to alert the authorities. Oh, and I’m tattooing every single generic phrase she said on my forehead.

Then I just hung around for a while and even took a good enough picture of my friends and Pia! My hands weren’t shaking like they always do when I feel Emotions!!! I am truly growing.

After a while the crowd started to dissolve a bit and I spontaneously decided to try and ask if I could give her a hug. Yeah, I know, I don’t recognize myself either. And I did ask her, with countless “I’m so sorry”s and “I understand it might be intrusive”s (her face was so close and she was looking at me so intently i’.m!!! dying!! I was Not Prepared) because making her uncomfortable is my worst nightmare.

And then

she DEADASS GRABBED THE BARE PART OF MY ARM (my sweater covered my elbow but not my forearm so it was a skin to skin contact with the goddess!!!!! I’m a normal person with a normal life and zero obsessions I swear), looked me in the eye and started explaining why she doesn’t normally do it - because, quote, “then she *nods at someone* would wanna do this, and she would wanna do this and I would be here till 3am”. Somehow my brain didn’t shut down completely: all I could feel was her hand on my arm, but I was actually registering what she was saying and I was even ANSWERING stuff like “that’s totally fine, yes, i understand, everyone would want to do this, that’s absolutely fine, thank you so much”. But she honestly has THE SOFTEST hands, it’s literally like touching a cloud, what kind of magic is this (and what kind of hand cream), I couldn’T COPE. SO SOFT. AND SHE WAS SO CLOSE. HER PERFECT FACE. CLOSE TO MINE. SAYING THINGS. SMILING. I LOVE HER. And it seemed that explaining the reason was very important to her and she wasn’t letting go of my arm the whole time 😭 honey….. you don’t have to explain anything to me…. I’m just happy to be here…. And she was looking me in the eye the whole time too. Anyways, I FINALLY timidly put my other hand on top of hers (!!!!!!!!! living that self-insert fanfic life) and told her it was absolutely fine again while trying very hard to conceal my emotions (hahaha who’s freaking out? not me lmao hahaha lol). I LOVE HER SO MUCH WHAT A GODDESS WHAT AN ICON. Not to be dramatic, but I can still feel her calming touch :”) she may have cured my anxiety or something. And yeah, well, I told her it was absolutely fine and she told me to take care and that was it.

Did I sound like a complete tit? Certainly. Did I still sound more coherent than the other two times I met her? Absolutely. I’m SO proud of myself. Am I still #shook? You bet! I can’t believe life is this good to me. And I’m still very sad I don’t know when I will see Pia again :/ certainly not next year because it’s my final uni year and I’m gonna be busy as shit, plus all these trips are getting expensive. I hope she doesn’t do anything HUGE next year and saves it for the time I can travel again ~

Oh, by the way, it was pitch black almost the whole time I was walking back to the hotel and I even had to pass by a church graveyard. Fucking T*ckl*nburg.

#the great pia meltdown 2k17 #~

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chanzicoup · 7 years

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Love Game (VIXX Leo x Reader)

Summary: Leo is the school's heart breaker that goes for the nerdy girl Cassandra Park. He makes a bet with her that within 5 days he'll make her fall in love and if she does she'll have to grant one wish of his and if he fails then he'll grant a wish of hers.

A/N: I hope you enjoy this original fluff that I turned into angst because I have no soft side :)

Warning: Touches very lightly on social anxiety (like only mentions it for a few seconds), mentions a broken family/divorce, abandonment

Count: 3.4 k

Genre: Fluff w/ slight Angst

~Blake

Day One

Leo, tall, handsome, and cocky as hell. It was your first day and you knew this much about him. You had a cousin in the school, his name was Hongbin and he was in most of you classes. Hongbin told you to watch out for Leo because he was the type of guy to use the girls in school as a play toy. He was also just a bad guy in general; the only reason why he wasn’t kicked out of school is because his dad owns the property.

Oh and Leo’s rich too. Something else you justified with the fact he was wearing sunglasses indoors.

“Cassandra!” Your cousin Hongbin called from the other end of the hall. Other’s often assumed you were siblings from how similar you looked. You both had round glasses, thanks to the poor eyesight you two got from your grandfather’s genes, curly hair that you preferred to keep in a low hanging braid, and deep dimples no one else in your family had. You two were also some of the smartest kids in your grade and that was enough to tell the whole world you two were complete nerds. No dating for you guys. Hongbin ran over to his locker, which was next to yours, and opened it up. Hongbin and you were getting books from you neighboring lockers when you heard girls squeal and guys whistle. You turned your head to see Leo and his group of soccer teammates all walking in sync and if you had to say anything nice about Leo it would be that he is handsome. Yet you were sure his looks don’t compensate for his personality. Its wrong to judge a book by its cover but you felt this was a different situation.

“Gosh this guy. He used to be chill until his body started filling out.” You heard Hongbin suck in his teeth and slam his locker shut.

“How do you know that?” You ask while shutting your locker. Hongbin leaned against the wall with his weight being supported by his shoulders before telling a story about his history with Leo.

“Remember that town I used to live in before I moved to Seoul?” He asked and you nodded as an answer. If you recall correctly it was a pretty small area. “In the town everyone knew everyone and all the kids played with each other. He was one of the kids I hung out with when I got done school. He would play with all the kids, even if they weren’t good at whatever game they were playing. I don’t know what happened but he began treating people like garbage and acted like he was all that.”

You turn back to Leo, who was now flirting with some of the cheerleaders, and wondered how such a jerk could’ve once been a friendly kid. Leo caught your eyes and winked with a smirk. Instead of blushing like he expected you rolled your eyes and turned back to Hongbin. “What do you want to do after school today? Should we go to Auntie’s Store?” You asked, hopefully to change the subject you obviously didn’t want to start in the first place. The “Auntie” was you and Hongbin’s other Aunt, your mother had two sister’s. One was Hongbin’s mom and the other was a store owner. They all lived remotely close to each other, more now then before Hongbin’s family moved here.

“I was thinking we could go check out that new Thai place down the street- hey!” Hongbin was no longer in view and in his place was Leo, who was suavely leaning his arm against the lockers.

“Why hello there.” Leo greeted. Rude.

“Hello. Now good bye.” You walked around him to go to your homeroom with Hongbin but Leo grabbed your wrist.

“Let go of me!” Hongbin was about to intervene but Leo glared at him.

“I only want to talk. Alone.” He said. You rolled your eyes and urged Hongbin to go on without you.

“Now what. I am busy.” You weren’t pilled with work, but there was better things for you to do then to talk to this guy.

“Go out with me.”

“I literally just met you.” You scoffed, this guy has no shame, does he?

“And yet you were staring.” He smirked.

“First of all, I was glaring. That’s not a stare, and if it was then it’s not a stare that meant I was interested in dating you. Second of all, after what I’ve heard about you I wouldn’t trust you to get yourself to school on time. And third of all, I bet you don’t even know my name.” You bombarded him with reasons as to why you won’t go anywhere with him but he pushed them to the side.

“First of all, a stare is a stare. Second of all, don’t judge a book by it’s cover. And third of all just because I don’t know your name doesn’t mean I can’t learn it.” He just doesn’t know when to give up.

“You won’t stop will you? What will it take for you to leave me alone?”

“Give me five days to win your heart. If I get you to show the slightest bit of interest in me you’ll have to go on one date with me. If you still hate me by the end of the five days I’ll grant you any wish you can think of.” Was he serious? The tone in his eyes seemed to be proof enough that he meant what he said and said what he meant.

“Fine. Five days from today, at exactly 8:32 a.m.” yes, you had to look at your watch to see what time the bet was over “you will have to grant me one wish because there’s no way I’d fall for you.”

“See you then, love.” His new pet name for you made you cringe but you went to homeroom any way.

The day progressed the same as it normally would. Nothing out of the routine. No surprise from Leo. If he really wanted to win this bet he set up for himself he’d better get started soon because you were gradually forgetting he even talked to you this morning.

“You still up for thai food?” Hongbin asked while putting his notes away. It was currently the last three minutes of the school day and your teacher ended class moments ago. You figured if Leo would want to do something he would have made it clear to you in some way by now.

“Sure I have no other plans. But you’re paying!” You teased and slung your bag over your shoulder.

“Of course I am! I pay for meals and you pay for coffee!” It may have sounded like he put more money out but in reality you two went out for coffee more then you went out for meals. Also you two often borrowed money from each other with out limit so you’re always in each other’s wallets. But you guys were careful and only borrowed money if it was an emergency.

You walked out of class and almost made it to the door when a voice shouted out to you.

“Cassandra!” Leo called.

“How did he learn my name?” You mumbled. Hongbin looked at you wide eyed.

“You didn’t tell him off this morning?” He asked surprised.

“Tried to but eventually I made a bet with him that if I fall in love with him in 5 days I’d go on a date with him.” I explained my situation in full by the time Leo was with in hearing distance.

“Ready to go?” Leo asked. In his hand was two motor cycle helmets and on his face was a silly smile.

“Go where?” You questioned, “You don’t expect me to go on a motor cycle with you, right?”

“It’d make it easier to get to the place I am taking you, so yes, I do expect you to get on a motor cycle with me.” He thrusts the helmet in to your hands and began dragging you away from Hongbin.

“I guess I’ll have to rain check!” You apologized but Hongbin understood that you really had no choice about the out come of your evening plans. He made a note to himself to check in on you in about an hour to make sure you didn’t die or something before going on his own to get some thai food.

You and Leo were getting looks from everyone in the halls as he had his hand in yours. You blushed but not because of the physical contact. You got shy easily and really hated having this many eyes on you. You just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

“Can you hurry up please.” You whispered to Leo, near tears. You could feel your chest tighten with what the other students were possibly thinking about you.

“Now you’re excited!” He hurried you to his bike excitedly and lifted up the kickstand.

“Put on your helmet and hang on tight.” He chided. You reluctantly put the protection over your face and grasped onto the fabric of his leather jacket and waited for the bike motor to run.

“I’m not starting this thing until you hang on properly.” He cocked his eyebrow up and looked back at you. You knew what he meant but really didn’t want to. You wrapped your arms around his torso unwillingly and hugged it tightly. Then you hear the engine fire up and Leo cheer.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” And with that Leo sped off to a destination unknown to you. The helmet kept your eyes shielded from the wind so you actually got to see the lights of Seoul flashing by you and Leo sped up. If you were honest with yourself you were having a bit of fun, only because you’ve never done anything like this before! No other reason at all. The lights were nice and that was it. If it was night time it’d be prettier.

You did as you were told and held on tightly, jumping and cowering into Leo’s back whenever he picked up speed. He felt bad you got scared and slowed down a little, but not by much or else the thrill could escape! Ten minutes later you two stopped and got off of Leo’s bike. You took off your helmet and looked around, you were on a dirt path.

“No helmet hair?” Leo asked. You turned around in confusion before understanding his question.

“My hair is in a braid so it doesn’t really get messed up easily.” You answered. He nodded and locked up his bike.

“We just have to walk up that path and we’ll be there.” He said.

“Where’s ‘there’?”

“You’ll see.” He smirked.

Day Two

When Leo took me on his bike for a ride I’ll admit it was pretty romantic. He had a picnic set up that was actually delicious. Then he drove me home where Hongbin pestered me with questions. It was fun, but it did not win me over or sweep me off my feet. I guess all that I gained from this was a possible friend? Leo is still a player that I know if I started liking him I’d only get hurt.

Now it’s Saturday, Hongbin went to his friend’s house to work on a project and my family went out to run errands. I sit at my desk, typing up a research paper that wasn’t due for another week. My notes were scattered along my bed and empty water bottles cluttered the ground. I really should look into one of those refillable bottles. Go green kids. A few seconds later I hear a clanging noise and I jump in my chair. There’s no one home and nothing seems to have moved. Is it all in my mind?

Just as I thought that I saw that the noise was coming from my window, little pebbles struck the glass as if they were trying to get my attention. I walk over and see Leo standing in my front yard, one hand holding little rocks and the other holding a bundle of roses. I open my window to ask him what he’s doing but then he sets the flowers down and pulls something out of his pocket. Its a folded piece of paper. He opens it up and lies it on the ground. I look closer and see the paper is a map. Leo then sets the roses down next to the map and runs away. Seconds later I hear his bike riding away.

After changing into appropriate clothes I go outside and observe his map and see it’s a map of the school with certain rooms starred with numbers on them.

On top it’s labeled “Scavenger Hunt” and a little note from Leo is underneath it that read, “If you’re so smart you should figure out where I am :p”

“Oh gosh,” I chuckled. This guy certainly has a childish sense of humor. Maybe Hongbin was wrong about Leo? Nonetheless I should head to the school. Looks like the first room I should go to is my homeroom.

(A short walk later)

Should I be concerned that the school doors weren’t locked? It was really easy to get in. But if I remembered correctly his father owned the school, of course he would let Leo do something like this if he’d asked his father. I entered my homeroom and saw a book bag on my desk. I looked inside and saw it was completely empty except for a note.

“Take this bag, I noticed yours was beginning to rip at the seems.” The handwriting was the same as the handwriting on the map in my pocket, meaning this was Leo’s. I feel a little bad to taking this but I do need a new bag and I don’t have money for a new one. Thanks Leo, you’re a good FRIEND.

I checked the map and went to the next location, the chemistry lab. On one of the lab tables there was a booklet labeled “Science Humor” and it had stupid jokes and puns animated inside. Did I mention how much I loved science jokes? I’m too far out in nerdville.

On the tab inside Leo’s handwriting was found again, this time giving me permission to take the book. Of course I didn’t complain, this was the coolest thing I’ll ever own and I’ll be proud of it too. I chucked the book into the new book bag and checked the map once more.

The next room is actually a hallway. When I arrived I saw there was a trail of flower petals leading to my locker. Inside my locker was a Polaroid picture of Leo on his motorcycle with the caption, “This is how excited I am for our future dates~” and cue the blushing cheeks and the schoolgirl giggles that are silently sounded. No Cassandra. Don’t catch feelings. He’s just being nice. Really really nice.

The final room was the gymnasium, and it even specified the gymnasium with the stage inside of it. Yes, our school has two gyms. I cut through the lunch room to get to the correct gym and when I went in all the lights were off. At first I thought I somehow went the wrong way but then a spotlight shined on the stage, where Leo sat at a piano. Neither of us said a word but we made eye contact and he smirked. His fingers began testing keys on the piano before notes came together to form a rhythmic melody. Moments later Leo began singing and I melted into a giddy smile. No one’s ever done anything like this for me before.

Day Three

It was a new day and while the past few have been joyful and times of happiness, it was only bound to have some bad luck due. This morning started off like no other, I had come downstairs to see my mother crying and my dad tugging away a heavy looking suitcase out the front door. I was too shocked to speak, I could tell what was happening. I had just never seen it coming. I’ve never heard them arguing but then again I haven’t heard them speak more than two words to each other for months. I assumed they talked more when I was in school or when I wasn’t around. My parents are breaking up and I couldn’t stop it. My father came back in to grab the bag on the couch, and met eyes with me. He only tipped his hat before turning his back on me.

My mother looked at me for a brief moment before I stormed back upstairs, where the feeling of emptiness is doubled now that I realize my father is gone. I had to get out of there. When I shut the door behind me I leaned my back against it and slid down to wrap my arms around my legs. I heard my phone ring from my night stand and I was going to let it ring until it stopped but it only continued for another ten minutes. I had had enough and pressed the answer button with out even checking the ID.

“Not now.” I covered my mouth with my hand to muffle a whimper as the caller spoke.

“Cassandra, why did it take you so long?” It was Leo, I could tell it was him by his laugh. I can’t face him now, he can’t see me like this!

“Sorry.” I sniffled, “I was…preoccupied.”

“You sound down. Is something happening?” I heard the concern rise in his tone and panicked.

“Nothing is the matter, Leo don’t worry.” Maybe if I try hard enough he’ll believe me.

“Don’t lie, I can hear you choking up.” Tears slipped out of my control and I lost all of my power over my emotions and broke down.

“Oh god, I’ll be right there. Wait for me!” He asked and hung up, leaving me alone once more.

Leo’s POV

I knew something was out of order when she didn’t pick up her cell. As soon I noticed her voice was broken I was already slipping on my shoes and heading out the door. I rushed over to her house and saw her front door was open and a woman was crying at the kitchen table. I ran past her and rushed up the stairs, where yet another cry was sounded.

“Cas!” I shouted. I checked every door until I found the one where she was. Her small body is curled up tightly on her bed and her face was hidden inside of her palms. I came over and enveloped her in a hug, where she put her head in my chest as she let it all out. She went on and I rubbed comforting circles on her back and gave it a loving pat when I felt it was needed.

3rd POV

Neither of the two knew how long they were embracing one another. Leo had offered to get Cas out of her house and she allowed him to. Their ride on his motor cycle was comfortable and helped her calm down. She needed to forget what had happened at home and move on. Her father was never coming back and her mother would never be the same. All she had was Leo and she could only pray he wouldn’t leave too. She had finally opened her eyes to how she felt about him.

When they arrived to Leo’s house he led her to his guest bedroom, which was right next to his in case she needed him. He was about to leave Cas be to give her some possibly needed space but she grabbed on to his wrist with tears beginning to fill again.

“Don’t leave me too.” Leo’s heart broke at her words, she thought he was just like her father. Kneeling to her eye level Leo cupped her tear stained cheeks and earnestly looked into her eyes as he promised he was never going anywhere with out her. He needed her. He loved her just as she loved him, and he didn’t need another two days to figure that one out for himself. He would’ve wished for her to be his anyway if he had won.

#vixx #vixx imagine #vixx leo #kpop #kpop imagine #vixx scenario #kpop scenario #jung taekwoon #vixx taekwoon #leo imagine #taekwoon imagine

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nathjonesey-75 · 5 years

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A Day In A Life

They say retrospect is a wonderful thing. To be able to review; objectively and honestly – moments, times or even periods of time. Critically or loosely. Positively or negatively. Sometimes that essential clarity of thought cannot be granted until enough time has passed, as the mind (it has been known) to play tricks on us. In this particularly unique instance it has taken me this long – twenty-two years, in fact – to be openly able to absolutely look everything in the eye and be brutally frank. To the point where it’s almost completely written in the third-person, about another individual.

I suppose it could be as much the self-therapy I’ve wanted to gift myself, as it is hopefully a document of mental health learning for others. Tomorrow I will turn the grand, fuddy-duddy, middle-aged, wrinkle-washed age of forty-four. Double the age of probably the most pivotal and instrumental birthday anniversary of my life. Those who have known me forever will know why – but as I try not to assume that I know everything about everyone – this is a story from a very jittery life journey. Having lost people; friends and acquaintances from my generation to mental health struggles and coping mechanisms which didn’t work – “every little helps”, as Tesco says.

On Wednesday, May 7th, 1997, I travelled back to Nottingham; to my university life, having visited my mother after a write-off, nasty car accident had broken both her legs. She used to tell me up to that point “I’ve been driving twenty-five years and had no accidents, so don’t tell me how to drive!” When the time had clearly come to blemish the self-prognosed perfect driver’s record – it was done in destructive style. Anyway, having left my pin-legged mother in Llanelli, I returned to pre-arranged birthday drinks in Nottingham. A month or so away from completing my BA (Hons) Communication Studies course, this was to be probably the last big celebration before a month of coursework was to be completed. Life was good (apart from the aforementioned Mrs Damon Hill-Jones’s road exploits).

After a few hours of not paying for any drinks, I felt on the brink of being annihilated - should I drink any more. So, after running into my work colleague from my part-time job at the Beatroot nightclub, the two of us diverted from Sam Fay’s late bar – to his nearby flat, near Nottingham castle, so I could chill out for an hour. The plan was to return and see the night out until 2am. Whether the walk and fresh air had helped or not, I had a semi-second wind. We got to his flat and my ideals of birthday grandeur got the better of me. I wanted a bottle of bubbles. At that time of night, the only place I could get one would be a nightclub, so we ordered a taxi to take us to…sigh….The Black Orchid. A cheesy, yet huge club in the enterprise park which had Wednesday student night on. Did I need the bottle? No, yet the cab was booked.

It was at this point that my mental hard drive crashed. My next memory was waking up in a hospital bed, the following afternoon, with not only my friends around the bed, but my father as well. I opened my eyes and asked; “What happened?”, as if I was in a scene of a film where the character had woken up in heaven – only to be sent back to earth with a completely abstract life narrative to the one which was being played up to the Wednesday. Turns out I had probably had another drink at my friend’s, at some point of the night consumed a small amount of amphetamines, then passed out on the first-floor landing, but falling sharply down the twenty feet of stairs on my head, all the way.

Now, with music playing loudly, my workmate and his flatmate heard nothing. It was their neighbour who heard a large ‘thud’, who rang the doorbell in concern which alerted them, along with the taxi which had arrived outside. There was blood everywhere. I had fractured my skull, torn nerves while breaking my nose and had a slight haemorrhage on the side of my head. Five days were spent in Nottingham’s QMC Hospital, mostly sleeping. On the Saturday, I remember getting out of bed in a complete fuzzy daydream, wearing only one of those crappy bed gowns; walking to the toilet with the nurse calling after me “Nathan! Where are you going?” “Home!” was the abrupt, muddled answer. I urinated, went back to bed and proceeded to enter hibernation once again.

Doctors said I was lucky to be alive. There was a dent at the front of my cranium, around an inch long. Had that been an inch higher in position on my skull – I was told I would have died. Those nerves I severed were my smell and taste nerves, so I’ve had very diminished senses in those departments, since. Most pivotal – was my doctor, back in Llanelli; once I returned and spent another five days in Prince Phillip Hospital, he said “You will experience some depression and levels of fatigue.” Immediately, in my head I decided – no I won’t. Not the depression, anyway. I’ll find a way of keeping lively and feeling good. The fact Being ruled out of playing rugby or football for at least nine months became a huge problem. My penultimate match played before the incident was for Wales Students Rugby League team against Scotland. The previous summer I had trained pre-season with my beloved Llanelli RFC, with the likes of Stephen Jones and Ieuan Evans; taking my fitness to a new level. I was twenty-two with the world at my feet. There was no way I was stopping. Unsurprisingly, it took a very short space of sleepy, anxious time to realise I’d have to succumb to the doctor’s prognoses.

Panic attacks began, embarrassingly in public while visiting a friend for their birthday in August 1997, having seen out three months of ‘no alcohol’ from my doctor’s orders. I had no energy. Not even enough to complete my coursework, so Nottingham Trent University gave me an extension of three months – to the end of August, to submit my work. However, I was living away from the university and my beloved friends. What the hell was happening? No energy; forced to live with my mother and brother while my father and sister both lived in Cardiff; both studying for their new careers. Here beginneth the hardest years of my life.

By the end of 1997, I had managed to graduate successfully, but I was by then suffering heavy depression and anxiety, fuelled by the loneliness of having no friends around; not knowing why I was on earth and wanting to die. I had lost all tracking of whom I was, what I was doing and where any of it was going. Plus, glandular fever had bitten me hard, taking a month out of my glorious, progressive freezer job at Asda.

In January 1998, I was charged with drink-driving, having driven home on Christmas week with no care for repercussions; caught on camera making a U-turn in a forbidden area. While living at home with my mother caused all sorts of tension, arguments and vitriol, the only thing which kept me partially sane was my first set of turntables. With very few points of company around in a reversal of vibrant, university life – it was me; and the decks. Over time, it became a slow, fearful return to “normal” life. I have never been a naturally confident person – easily intimidated in the past by louder, overconfident characters, but this new anger in me – for what I didn’t know – became something, someone – I had to allow to be played out. Not a villain, but an even more insecure little boy to that one on the morning of May 7th, 1997. Unapologetically cavalier, which only cost me at times – and those who suffer depression will know how past mistakes can eat the soul of those who made the mistakes.

For many years I refused to accept depression and anxiety were a part of me. My mother has since told me she believed it began with my grandfather’s death when I was seventeen, but I know from looking deeply inside myself, from exploring instincts I’ve always had, but with which I’ve had to become accustomed – questions I’ve asked in early teenage years, that my fears and those scared instincts – must be tied into my neurological wiring. Throughout my early twenties, from that point I lived out wild teenage years – years locked away inside the vault of a strict upbringing. Partying. Having to surrender, also – any instinctive passion or talent I had for playing rugby, from being oversensitive to knockbacks and increasing lack of confidence.

Seventeen thousand career changes later, I find myself at almost full-circle completion point. Only now, a bit of maturity (which I appreciate) makes the Peter Pan in me; hopefully a more reasoned character and person. I went into teaching (having told myself at eighteen I would never become a teacher) to try forging a predictable, 9-to-5 life for myself in a past relationship. To try proving to myself I was a virtuous individual (ironically omitting the thought that there are vile and immoral teachers out there too – luckily not many, but there are!) among the clouds of twentysomething decisions – without realising I didn’t have to almost burn myself out a second time, by becoming something I was not aligned with - to prove I could be virtuous and good. Back, now; working in hospitality and trying to revitalise my DJ career (as that’s what I always wanted to do), playing music I love and believe in – rather than what I fooled myself into thinking others wanted, in those hazy days.

Personally, visiting a psychologist in 2013 (my own choice) to try fathoming whether I had ADHD – which could explain these seventeen-thousand career changes, as well as lack of interest in my later school days – may have given me the road signs I needed. Being told it wasn’t attention deficit, but depression – being medicated has been like having a carbon monoxide fan for the air I breathe. It can always seep back into the oxygen channels, but I have now the ability to blow it away. The ridiculousness of life is something I have to laugh at – I don’t believe in staying miserable (despite being the younger Victor Meldrew). I appreciate the chances I have now and my family life. The point being – the imbalanced brain wires may have always been there but became violently exacerbated by this accident. I cannot stress enough how important it is to consult a mental health professional. Drop the pride, the façade and ideals of grandeur – everyone has some kind of something going on. Some are better are dealing with it than others. Some can’t hold on in the battle.

In one of those seventeen thousand careers – twenty years ago, in fact – I worked at what was, pretty much – an abuse line, call-centre; at British Gas in Cardiff. One reason I didn’t last there was because I am not a salesman. Plus, I’m an impatient non-salesman. In this job, the department had to deal with calls from people who had been mis-sold contracts by field agents, selling gas and electricity. On one memorable occasion an English man called, calling me a “f***ing c***” for asking him to explain – a little slower – what exactly happened and how he was conned. When I told him I’d hang up if he didn’t change his abusive tone, he replied “Sorry, I haven’t had my medication today, have I love?” To which his wife, shouting in the background answered, “No, he hasn’t.”

I still laugh at that, knowing that’s the bar of communication I’d prefer to stay beneath.

#depression #anxiety #mental health #suicide #accidents #life #growing up #careers #medication #therapy #birthday

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