#how are we supposed to live normally knowing this man exists

[bisexualnamjoonie]

hello! i can't stop thinking about that white outfit from jimin's photobook from the gifset you reblogged. i wish i could use french to describe it but even in my native language it would sound weird and probably a little bit obscene. let just says it's very pretty. very very pretty.

same oh my god....... i mean hes just so sexy and so good at it how am i supposed to keep it pj-13??? honestly thank god for keyboard smashing cuz no one wanna know what my gay brain is thinking rn, be it in english or french 🤪 im channeling my inner jungguk and not going further than pretty and sexy to describe him but. good god. my brain is thinking things 😳

[oukabarsburgblr]

I've been wondering- what would happen in the karasuno bullying the first year when they all grow up? Like (m/n) should take my advice and get together with Sousuke instead!! Maybe I'm just a biased Sousuke simp but no way anyone can touch us if we have mafia on our side!! Sousuke being a softie is just a plus point :D I would like be Sousuke's husband frfr ♡⁠(⁠˃͈⁠ ⁠દ⁠ ⁠˂͈⁠ ⁠༶⁠ ⁠)

If you had continued into the bullying the first years storyline, you would definitely end up as a house husband, maybe finishing foundation in university but that would be the most of it before daichi had stolen you away, locking you up in his apartment, near the police academy and your parents didnt question a thing, knowing daichi who was your supposed boyfriend taking care of you. Oikawa did but he was too busy in Argentina to know more.

Hinata, kageyama, yamaguchi would lose contact with you, that's about it, they just assumed you'd went about your life. Tsukishima had approached you during your third year, asking what the hell happened in first year since he saw what Asahi did to you but you stayed silent, wanting to lose those horrible memories and move on with your life.

The second years, would be similar, losing contact, except Tanaka did try to get in contact with you but was stopped by Daichi, who said you're having a horrible phase in your life currently and Tanaka understandably backed off, asking him to send his regards.

Kiyoko simply didn't want to get involved. She was lucky enough the trio didnt targeted her and she knew she couldnt do much unfortunately. Yachi would have the same case for the other third years.

Sugawara and Asahi couldn't focus on you, since they went on with their own careers but the second they found out you were handcuffed in Daichis bed, Sugawara was laughing giddily, pulling at your cheeks teasingly and he was so excited to see his kouhai. Asahi was surprised you didnt even resist much, giving into your predicament and chatted with Daichi while Sugawara was making you squirm.

Daichi wouldn't let them sleep with you, Sugawara almost took a beating but he and Asahi backed off, both knowing that Daichi was the most passionate for you...but you dreaded the moment they visited Daichi's apartment.

Daichi tried treating everything like it was normal to have your partner handcuffed in bed, and you unwillingly accepted your new life. A husband he forcibly signed your marriage certificate and living with him wasn't so painful.

He still fed you, clothes you and gave you the necessary condiments to living, a phone took a year or two but the only requirement was that you couldn't step out of the apartment. And you lived by it which earned the key to your cuffs, no longer having restrained to the bedroom.

Daichi presumed the position of your lover since then, kissing you and holding you lovingly, his demeanour changed, showing more affection and a smile on his face. Sex was still scary because he would be extremely overpowering and the dynamics were tilted so far, you'd often cry during sex since you'd drop into the submissive mindset so quick.

But all's well...than expected. In a way, maybe you were content with your new life. Not having to worry, about bills or a job, only sitting in your pretty house you got to decorate, waiting for your husband to come home.

Oh man i feel bad for the other anon😭 theres barely any fluff in this universe im so sorry

And i do agree! You should just run away with Sousuke instead ↔️ but if Sousuke existed in this universe, both you and him would be the same age as Daichi and frankly Sousuke would never let you associate with anyone that had a psychopathic behaviour.

Why and how?....thats a story for another time🤗

[panlight]

Really is wild when you start to think about what other characters went through during the course of the books that just . . . doesn't matter all that much.

Alice found out how/why she was turned, that she had been hunted by James and a vampire who cared about her turned her to save her and then died protecting her. That's a lot. And then in New Moon she finds out her father had her committed to an asylum and the date on her supposed gravestone matches the date on the admission papers. Also a lot. I guess with this one you can sort of handwave it with "she doesn't remember any of it though so maybe that's why it doesn't affect her much."

Then there's Leah and Seth, who lose their dad, and that's like, hardly a thing other than a) allows for the "funeral" miscommunication and b) makes Sue single so she can take care of Charlie while Bella's off blissfully vampiring. Seth is happy and sunny and sweet pretty much 100% of the time, and Leah's issues are all attributed to the Sam/Emily drama rather than, oh, I don't know, the shock of her phasing into a wolf causing her father's fatal heart attack. The guilt she must feel about that even though it's not at all her fault!

Then there's the Cullens in general dealing with having to hunt down and kill James; having to deal with Edward running away and nearly dying in Volterra; being under the threat of the Volturi because of Edward's misadventure in Italy; having to fight to the death against a bunch of newborns; and facing off against the Volturi. They presumably have been living in peace since whenever it was Maria had shown up in Calgary and then in the space of like a year and a half just complete and utter chaos, and all they can say about it is like, "we're so grateful you saved Edward, Bella!"

Quil, watching all his friends join this mysterious 'cult' and being left out and confiding in Bella about it. Sam dealing with All Of It when he wasn't even supposed to be the Alpha. Embry realizing he's the half-brother of one of these guys and probably searching for that belonging but knowing it could throw the community and families into chaos.

And then there's the pregnancy. Only Rosalie gets to have any feelings about it really and again, it's mostly so she can be Bella's bodyguard and less about Rosalie herself. But Esme has also longed for motherhood and sure she "makes do" with her Cullen kids, but they were all essentially adults when she adopted them. But more importantly she actually HAS been pregnant and HAS had a baby and LOST said baby. She also crushed hard on a vampire when she was a teenager, and now she's watching Bella getting to have a child with the vampire she loves when it's impossible for Esme herself and surely surely surely this would bring up some complicated feelings. But we get nothing. Like, literally nothing from Esme, she might as well not be in the book. She just existed to renovate the cottage.

Then there's Carlisle, whose mother died in childbirth from his normal human birth, watching his new daughter-in-law dying from a pregnancy and listening to his first and most beloved son say how he could never love the creature, his own child, if it kills Bella, and probably looking back on his own fraught relationship with his father and reliving that same resentment from the POV of the 'creature that killed the mother' and again, nothing. Not a factor. No one even mentions it in passing.

And like yes, I know, it's a YA romance, it's Not That Deep, it's about a girl falling in love with a vampire and finding wish fulfillment fantasy in that. I know. Everything else is just set dressing and not given any depth at all because it's not the point. But man, there's SO much there in the little throwaway details and unexplored backstories, and I fully believe that's what is fueling a large part of the fandom to this day.

[just-jordie-things]

born to die - itadori yuji

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ 10k follower event special! ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

word count: 8.7k warnings: canon-typical angst and talks of death summary: itadori's fate has been sealed, and he can't bear dragging anyone down with him. especially not her. more info: friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, angsty confession rain scene, you're gonna eat it up

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[ feet don’t fail me now, take me to the finish line // oh my heart it breaks every step that i take, but i’m hoping that the gates they’ll tell me that you’re mine ]

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Itadori Yuji hasn’t always lived his life on borrowed time.  It used to be normal- as some called it.  He used to be just a boy, with an intrigue in the occult and semi-above average grades.  Back when things were normal he’d never thought much about girls or dating, not seriously anyways.  In the back of his mind he always figured the right person would come along at the right time, and he’d settle down when things worked out that way.

He didn’t know that the right time would cease to exist the moment he swallowed that finger.

At the sound of lightning cracking, Yuji flinches slightly, not having realized just how bad this storm had gotten since he’d stepped out of the dormitories to appreciate the rain.  He must’ve been out here for longer than he thought, but he hadn’t exactly been trying to keep track of time.  One thing led to another and he’d gotten lost in his thoughts, and…

“Megumi, what the hell is happening?”

Her shock was evident not only in the way she’d called out to her classmate and friend, but also in the speed at which she’d brought herself from one end of the corridor to the other.  It was almost as if she’d teleported there.  

At the time, Yuji thought maybe that was her special power.  If the grumpy dude had shadow animals, it wasn’t too outlandish to believe she could warp from one spot to another, right?

He’ll never forget the way she’d looked at him then.  For the first time.

Confusion and panic washed away for the briefest of moments, instead gazing upon him with wide eyes and a dropped jaw.  Yuji had confused it at first for recognition, thinking maybe they’d met before and he’d forgotten, but that wasn’t the case.

“Who is that?” 

“This is Itadori,” Fushiguro huffed, more annoyed by the introduction than anything.  “He’s the one with the finger” 

It wasn’t exactly the introduction Yuji would have wanted, but there was no changing that now.  Besides, as long as he was able to say that he met her, that he knew her, he’d consider that more than a blessing.  

(He always sort of had that soft way of speaking about her whenever she came up, whenever he brought her up.  His eyes would glaze over with that dreamy look and before he knew it his heart was getting fluttery and his face was getting warm)

A lot of that fateful night was a blur, especially the parts where his body no longer belonged to him, but when it came to her, it was like the images were crystal clear.  If there was a way for him to enter a memory and relive it- that’s how he’d describe the sensation.

“Is he still passed out?” A voice- Yuji couldn’t be sure if it was Fushiguro or his supposed mentor who’d shown up- asked, but it was fuzzy and distant.

“Seems so,” A gentler one replied.  This one was undoubtedly hers.  “Probably for the best that he rests” She added before he felt the faint touch of fingertips pushing the hair off his forehead.

“What do we do with him now?” It was obvious it was Fushiguro asking, and it was obvious that he was asking his mentor, but it wasn’t the older man who replied.

“We take him back with us,” She piped up, her voice holding a firmness that suggested she’d argue harder if she had to.  “Right?” 

The pause before an answer came was long, Yuji wasn’t sure if he had faded in and out of consciousness, or if the silence really did drag on for minutes.

He’d never told her that he’d heard that small bit of conversation, that he remembered the way her careful fingers had touched him with more compassion than he’d felt in a long time.  Yuji couldn’t decide if it was because he was a coward or if he simply wanted to keep hold of that precious memory all to himself.

Another roll of thunder rumbled through the sky.  Yuji lifted his head to try and make out the dark clouds among the night sky.  Without a flash of lightning it was difficult to make out, but he did always enjoy watching a good storm, even if the darkness made it difficult.

He’d surely been out here for a couple of hours at this point.  It was nearing midnight when he’d crept out of the dormitories to watch the rain, hoping for a peaceful moment.  It was peaceful, the storm, at least.  His mind had gotten foggy after spending too much time within it and he was starting to go down that path he hated.

What if I’d done things differently? Do I really deserve to still be here? How long until we find the last finger and the higher ups have me executed? 

It wasn’t your average person’s derailed anxiety.  In fact, all of the anxieties Yuji had ever faced before being introduced to jujutsu had faded away.  He’d have to think for a few minutes to recall the things that used to be on the forefront of his mind on sleepless nights.

He was certain none of them involved being executed, though.

It was only a matter of time, and he’d known that for a while.  He was quite sure he’d come to peace with it, too.  Or at least he almost had.  He was just wrapping his head around the idea of dying, but as long as he’d helped people before that time came, he could accept it.  He could die at peace knowing he’d done everything he could to fulfill his grandfather’s dying wish.

And then she came along and everything turned upside down- again, and not for the last time.

The relief between the group of four upon finding everyone alive and as well as they could be- not unscathed, but nothing that couldn’t be bandaged up- was quickly replaced by utter shock as they watched Sukuna’s mouth appear on the palm of Yuji’s hand.  There was no time to react before it was gobbling up the finger Megumi had obtained after a hard fought battle.

It’s suddenly so silent you could hear a pin drop from anywhere in these woods, everyone’s eyes focused on the skin that reappeared over the boy’s palm, each hoping their eyes had played tricks on them as the reality of the situation settles in.

Yuji wants to say something, in fact, he almost cracks a joke.  But the words are stuck in his throat and all he can do is flex his fingers into a fist a few times as he processes what just happened.

Another finger consumed is another finger closer to death.

“We won’t tell anyone about this,” She speaks first, gaze lingering on his hand for a moment longer before lifting to Yuji’s concerned expression.  She hesitates again, then turns to Megumi and Nobara.  “No one.  We keep this to ourselves” 

“Not even-?” 

“Not even Gojo-sensei” She cuts Megumi off before he could finish the question.

Nobara gave a solid nod in agreement right away.  She always trusted her say in anything, and would blindly follow her anywhere.  Megumi took a minute longer to catch up, but eventually agreed as well.  The idea of keeping such a massive secret hidden from Gojo unsettled him, but when he weighed out the other options, he didn’t like the idea of Yuji being any closer to death than he was before.

“Let’s get moving” Was all he said, but it was enough for his peers to know he was on board.  Nobara followed after him as he took off towards the direction they’d come hours ago.  Yuji hung back a few steps, not sure how to feel about everyone covering for him.

“(y/n),” 

He called her name softly, as he always did, but it was loud enough for her to perk up.  She sends him a small smile as she slows her own steps to walk beside him at his slower pace.

“I don’t want anyone getting in trouble for covering for-” 

“No one’s getting in trouble,” She assured him mid-sentence.  “And no one’s doing anything they don’t want to do.  It’s fine” 

She was always so sure of herself that it was endearing.  She was a natural leader, even when Megumi tried to form a plan, she had a way of rallying the small group up before any assignment.  Just last week Gojo made them stay behind after lessons to clean the classroom, and she’d found a way to make it into a competition that had them finished in under thirty minutes.  Yuji admired that about her.  Her spirit could be over exaggerated, but it was never phony.

Yuji was at a loss for words, leaving him stuck gaping at her like a fish, which was at least effective in making her laugh.

“You care so much for others- I really admire that about you, Yuji,” She spoke as if she could read his mind.  It had his chest buzzing in that familiar way she sparked.  She looked at him and it was like her eyes were made of the stars themselves.  “But you underestimate how much… others care for you too” 

He’ll never forget the way her cheeks had gone pink after the soft admission.

If the circumstances had been different, he’s sure he would have confessed to her right then and there.  If things were different he wouldn’t have been able to hold it back.  If it weren’t for his reality, he would have loved nothing more than to take her in his arms and tell her- well, everything, really.

It wasn’t like he was doing that great of a job keeping his heart in check.  His friends had noticed the way his demeanor changed as soon as she walked into the room.  Megumi may have wanted to ignore the subject just because that was his nature, but Nobara was happy to blurt it out one night when it was just the three of them.

“So when are you gonna address the whole (y/n) thing?” She’d barely looked up from where she was sitting on Megumi’s floor painting her nails.  Yuji had to do a double take just to make sure she was talking to him.

“... (y/n) thing?”

He’d acted like he didn’t have a clue what she was referencing, but truthfully, his heart was already racing.  He hadn’t been that obvious about it, had he?

“C’mon Nobara, he doesn’t want to talk about that yet, leave him be” Megumi had come to his defense, but only sort of, because now Yuji realized that they both knew about his hidden feelings.

Did he not hide them that well? 

“It’s been months!” Nobara barks back, ever so focused on the perfect coat of cherry red.  “He’s gotta be bursting to tell someone! Might as well be us” 

“This is why people don’t come to you with stuff” Megumi huffs.

“You got something you want to say then?” Nobara argues.

“No, I’m just saying-” 

“Then could you shush so Yuji could actually open up about his undying love?”

“Uh… heh…?” Yuji mumbled his confusion to himself, but it was enough to interrupt their bickering.  He glanced between the two with a lost look on his face, waiting for someone to better explain it to him.

“Yuji, if you need some advice on how to ask out (y/n), we’re here for you” Nobara says with complete seriousness.  He knows because she paused in her nail painting to stare him down while she said it.

He swallowed the lump in his throat- which he hadn’t been aware of until that very moment- and wildly looked between both of his friends.

Megumi, although slightly disinterested, seemed just as invested as Nobara in this offer.  Maybe he was just bored of reading, because he didn’t often follow along with Nobara’s antics unless there was something in it for him, but it was clear in his raised brows that he was waiting for Yuji to say something.

And that’s when the pinkette remembers-

“No way man!” He shouts defensively, standing suddenly from his spot on the floor.  “You’re like her best friend! You’re just gonna tell her everything I say!” 

Unceremoniously, Megumi points to himself like the statement confused him.

Nobara huffs and rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, you!” 

Yuji had his moments of airheadedness, but he wasn’t a complete idiot.  (y/n) and Megumi had known each other for a long time.  They’d trained together as sorcerers in their younger years and it wasn’t until recently that they even had other classmates.  Megumi wouldn’t openly call any of his classmates his friends- at least not until Yuji begged him to admit it- but it had been clear that the bond he’d formed with (y/n) before Yuji and Nobara’s arrival had been built on an unshakable foundation of trust and respect.

To Yuji, that made the pair best friends.  And best friends shared everything with each other.  Including secrets shared in confidence from other friends.

“So you admit there’s something to be told?” Nobara asks, raising a brow in curiosity.

“I didn’t say that!” 

“You sort of implied it” Megumi said.

“Well then I un-imply it!” 

“Not how that works” Nobara pipes back in.

Yuji groans, covering his burning face with his hands in the hopes that it helps to hide the giveaway that was his blushing face.  It was too late, of course his friends were perceptive enough to have already caught it.

“I didn’t- I wasn’t saying that I-” His stammering only seems to prove the claims made against him, but still, Yuji tries to find the words to explain himself.  Probably because there was no way to explain himself.  His feelings were made clear in his actions already.

“So you won’t mind if I set her up with the guy at the pastry shop we go to then?” Nobara asks, and before she’s completely finished talking, Yuji drops his hands, and his eyes are wide with panic.

“Guy? Pastries? Why? Does- does she talk to him a lot?” 

Nobara glances at Megumi, who’s finally cracked a smile as he scoffs and shakes his head.  He’s trying not to break out into laughter, but sometimes those two just made it too hard.

He wasn’t the kind of guy that shared other people’s secrets.  If Yuji needed (y/n) to know something, he’d tell her.  Tonight was the first night that he’d ever contemplated crossing that boundary.  Just so he could see the way she’d light up at the insinuation that the boy she loved could love her back.

It didn’t seem like the storm would let up anytime soon.  The rain was hitting the ground harder than ever.  If he were to step out from under the awning, he’d be soaked to the bone in just seconds.  Standing in the rain actually sounded sort of nice.  It might have been a relief, even for just a minute.  Or maybe a decent enough distraction from where his mind had wandered off to.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like to think about her.  Hell, so much of his time had been thinking about her that he was starting to go absolutely crazy.  Even if he knew how to stop, he probably wouldn’t have.  He definitely wouldn’t have.

The pipeline from having a crush to being full on crazy about someone was faster than he would have expected.  Yuji didn’t have an exact timeline, but he knew that it wasn’t long after meeting her that he was lost in his adoration for her.  Soft, warm, all consuming adoration.

“These are really good!” Her eyes were lit up and her mouth was full of food as she praised Yuji for the meal.  She was already reaching for another meatball before she’d swallowed the first one.  “Your grandpa gave you this recipe?” 

Megumi and Nobara, who were also knelt around the table, had given Yuji their compliments as well.  But the brightness on his face now outshined his reaction to their five star reviews.  With the wide grin splitting his face and wider eyes following her greedy movements to snatch another meatball.  Nothing zapped his heart with pure electricity like the way she did just by enjoying his food.

He’s nodding his head in a small, slow motion to her question.

“That’s amazing, I wish I knew how to make anything.  Especially something this good,” Her approval was laying itself on thick, but he knew that it was completely genuine.  “I’m honestly jealous, Yuji” 

He laughs, his face pink from the bashfulness.

“I’m glad you like them,” He says, keeping his gaze focused on the one meatball on his plate that he hadn’t even touched yet.  

He couldn’t bear to look over at Nobara, who was snickering through her full mouth.  Or Megumi, who was staring so blatantly between him and (y/n) that Yuji thought he might burn up completely if he met his eyes.

So he keeps his head down, for the love of all things good and sane, he kept his head down.

“Well… I’ll make if for you anytime you want” 

It takes a lot of courage for him to peek over at her from his peripheral, but it’s completely worth the trembling in his fingers.  She’s beaming at him, cheeks full, eyes bright, completely overcome by his generosity and sweetness.

Nobara had to lift her napkin to her face to keep herself from spitting out her food.  Megumi finally shifts his gaze to his food, hoping he’ll at least be able to keep it down with all the lovesick nonsense at the table.

Yuji would have to use both hands to count the amount of times he made those meatballs for her.  Both out of request, and by his own choice.  She definitely was treated to them the most, despite Nobara and Megumi also enjoying the recipe.

But Nobara and Megumi didn’t get them at two in the morning when they couldn’t sleep and wanted a snack.  Nobara and Megumi didn’t get them when they were sick in bed with the flu for a week.

And the two would tease him for it relentlessly.  Not only because the treatment was unfair- they wanted delicious meatballs too! But of course when they caught Yuji up at odd hours to make her favorite meal, they just couldn’t resist calling him out on it.

Yuji would fluster, but it would never matter once he finished his masterpiece and presented them to (y/n).  It was like the entire world would melt away when he was greeted with her pure delight for his food.  He wished he could learn to make something else to give her, but it had taken so long for him to learn this recipe from his grandpa, he worried he’d only mess up a new dish.

His throat starts to feel hot.  Was that tears?  It constricts until he can’t breathe without it burning, and even when he tries to swallow to relieve the throbbing sensation, it remains.  Was he going to cry over meatballs? 

(It wasn’t the meatballs) 

“I have a surprise for you students!” Gojo’s cheery voice wasn’t out of the ordinary, and neither was the little dance of excitement he did as he wheeled up a large box to present to the first and second years.

While no one held any interest, they all remained there, waiting for their eccentric mentor to get the display over with.  No one knew what to expect, but they figured it couldn’t have been important.

But then he steps aside and does a grand introduction, and even though he states Yuji’s name, it’s not until the boy is popping out like a jack-in-the-box that it really settles in for anyone that Itadori Yuji was there.  Alive.

No one moves.  No one even says anything.  Yuji’s grinning and holding his hands up in peace signs as he’s returned to his friends, but even his cheerfulness couldn’t penetrate the unsettled trance the first and second years seemed to be in.

“Uh- Gojo- sensei…?” Yuji glanced towards his teacher for some help, not having expected anything other than a warm welcome.  However, Gojo was also wincing as he took in his students’ faces.

The second years looked aghast.  With Maki’s entire face in a disgusted cringe, as if Yuji was brought back as a zombie.  All three of them seemed more shocked than relieved.

The first years also didn’t appear like they were struck with relief either.  Megumi and Nobara had gone so pale they looked like they could faint at any moment.  With Megumi’s eye twitching and Nobara’s nose wrinkling, they were certainly processing it slowly.

Then there was (y/n).

To this day Yuji couldn’t describe the way she looked at him.  He was certain she didn’t blink once.  Tucked behind Megumi as if his tall stature could protect her from the boy raised from the dead, she looks more small and fragile than he’s ever seen her before.  Her jaw wasn’t dropped like Maki’s, but her lips were parted, trying to form any word that comes to mind.  Nothing comes out.  Her eyebrows can’t stop pinching and relaxing.  Worst of all, the tears that were silently streaming down her face.

Maki was the first to bark out an insult at Gojo for his insensitive display.  Panda welcomes Itadori back as he and Inumaki follow after Maki to come up with a plan of attack before the Exchange Event begins.

Yuji awkwardly climbed out of the box he was still standing in, approaching his friends with a frown.

“I thought you guys would be more excited”

“You- you were dead, Itadori” Megumi’s the first to stutter over his quiet statement.  

Nobara’s chewing on her lip, but some of the color was returning to her face the longer he stood before her, and she was sure that he was going to disappear like a ghost again.

(y/n’s) left to stare with wide teary eyes, still half behind Megumi, still rendered speechless.  Yuji wonders if she even knows she’s crying.

“I’m… I’m glad you’re back.  We’re glad you’re back,” 

Megumi would love it if one of the girls would speak up.  But Nobara still looks like she might be sick, and he hasn’t found the courage to check on how (y/n’s) been taking the last few minutes.  He’s pretty sure she’s crying behind him and he didn’t know how to take that on.

“Just in time too, yeah?” He finishes with an awkward cough.  Yuji can barely manage a nod before Megumi leaves.

Nobara mutters something of a similar sentiment before she leaves as well.   It’s through a cough and a gag, but she tries, and Yuji appreciates it nonetheless.

With everyone else gone, and without Megumi to hide behind, (y/n) seems more exposed now.  Never before in Yuji’s presence had she wanted to shrink down into the earth, and she hates feeling that way now.

“Gojo thought that would be fun…” He starts to explain himself, his hand going over the back of his neck.  “I’m realizing now that it was probably… really stupid, huh- oof!” 

He didn’t get the chance to properly apologize before she crashed into him.  It’s so fast, almost a blur, that he nearly loses balance.  But her arms are wrapped around his middle so tight he thinks even if he had tripped up, she would’ve righted him with her strong hold with no issue.

“So stupid,” She repeats before pulling away, and finally wiping away the tears on her face with the back of her hands.  “You were dead Yuji, you can’t just- just pop out of a box and expect us to think that’s normal!” 

“I’m sorry,” He blurts out the apology before he can lose any more time.  “I’m really, really sorry, alright? I wish I could have told you guys sooner but Gojo-sensei… well, we thought it was right while I was training.  He was just trying to protect me” 

She nods in understanding, but it’s shaky, and it was clear that she was struggling to actually understand  the whole picture.  Yuji couldn’t be upset with her for processing it all slowly.  Hell, he wasn’t all too caught up himself.  He might’ve gotten ahead of himself a bit with the whole surprise reappearance.

“Look, I get it, I… do,” (y/n) sighs, blinking quickly to rid the last of the tears from her eyes.  It doesn’t quite work.  “Just don’t ever be that stupid again, alright?” 

He chuckles a bit, and for a moment it makes a smile crack on her lips too.  It’s wobbly, but it’s enough to warm his heart.

“I know that’s hard for you,” She teases weakly, before sniffling.  “But you’re gonna have to try, alright?” 

“Alright,” He’s still smiling, but it comes out so genuine it’s heavy.  “Promise, I won’t do anything that stupid again” 

Her wobbly smile stretches a little more, before a small laugh escapes her.

“Don’t go making promises you can’t keep” 

“I don’t” 

To his luck, he hadn’t done anything too stupid since his little ‘I’m still alive!’ bit.  Well, he was pretty sure, considering she had yet to give him that look she had that day.  Thank the gods too, because Yuji’s pretty sure if he ever had to see her cry like that again, he’d die on the spot.

Unfortunately, this means that Yuji learned that day that he couldn’t live with himself if he was the cause of her suffering.  Seeing her cry was hard enough, but knowing he was the sole reason for it? Even thinking about it now, his throat burned hotter.  His eyes did, too, but he was trying to ignore the blur that kept invading his vision for now.

What the hell was with his emotions tonight? He’d come out here to find some peace while storm watching, and instead he’s standing here reminding himself of everything he’d done wrong in his life.

Falling for someone despite knowing he wasn’t meant to walk this earth for much longer had to have been some twisted punishment for something wicked he’d done in a past life.  

Or was it punishment for carrying the most wicked thing within him now? 

Swallowing that first finger months ago on a whim to save a stranger’s life, was that the day that sealed his fate? 

Was he doomed from the start or doomed somewhere along the way?

Would he be able to live with himself, not for the evil residing inside of him, but knowing that one day he’d have to leave the people he’s grown to love more than anything in the world, and he’d leave them knowing that they wouldn’t see him go without fighting, kicking, screaming- 

Wait, did he just see something move?

Shaking his head of his self pitying thoughts, he blinked away the fog in his eyes and tried to focus on where he could’ve sworn he’d seen movement.  Sure enough seconds later his eyes were bulging out of his head and he was abandoning his safe and dry spot under the awning in order to take off towards the figure.

She’s half jogging, at such an awkward speed Yuji could only wonder if she wasn’t even rushing to get to a dry spot.  Maybe she’d indulged herself in the rain the same way he’d thought about doing earlier.  Either way he’s sprinting towards her and closing the distance in rapid time.

He’s surprised upon his approach when he hears her laughter.  Sweet and bubbly, as if being caught in the rain was the funniest thing in the world.  Even though it had to be intentional, didn’t it? At this hour? She had to have chosen to come outside- much less walk around the campus? 

“What are you doing out here?” He hollers over the loud rain once he reaches her.

(y/n) grins at him, and he swears even with the moon in hiding behind the storm clouds, it reflects it’s light onto her somehow anyways.  She’s already soaked through, the walk from the girls’ dorms to the boys’ isn’t a short one by design.  Even if she was doing a half-jog the whole way over.  Her body trembles like a leaf in the wind and Yuji tries to usher her back to where he was, but she seems to have no urgency about her at all.

“Aren’t you freezing? C’mon, you should get out of the-” 

“It’s alright!” She waves her hand around to dismiss Yuji’s worries.  “I wouldn’t have come out here if I was afraid of getting a little wet” 

(Yuji thinks this is why Megumi used to make fun of her for being a manic pixie dream girl.  He had yet to fully understand the term himself, but this painted a pretty clear picture.  He’ll have to ask Megumi about it later) 

“A little wet?” He chuckles, hoping that if he picks up his pace she will too, but she doesn’t.  “You’re soaked through” 

She just shrugs, and follows alongside him towards the boys’ dorms, where he had been sitting dry just moments ago.  That’s long gone now, his tee shirt and sweatpants felt heavy and cold as they clung to his skin.  His hair hangs almost in his eyes, raindrops dripping onto his eyelashes and making him rub his eyes from the irritation every few minutes.  

It wasn’t very pleasant at all.  He’s glad he didn’t step out into the rain earlier.  Without her company, it wouldn’t have been worth it.

“What’re you doing out here anyways?” He’s still yelling through the rain, but they’re almost to the peace and quiet of the awning now.  “It’s pretty late” 

“You’re up too,” She shoots back like it’s a scold, even though there’s still a grin on her face.  

He’s dying to know what has her so delighted even in these awful conditions.  He’s certain it’s nearing two in the morning- if not later- the storm was so awful they had to yell to hear one another, and now they were both soaked to the bone and shaking like dogs to try and preserve heat.  Honestly, everything about this present moment should suck.  But it simply doesn’t.

“Which I should’ve expected.  Once the storm really started I wanted to come see if you were watching it too.  I know you like that sort of thing” 

His heart does a stupid flutter at the simple fact about him she’d remembered.  It might have also had something to do with her coming all the way here.  In the rain.  In her pajamas.  Her cute hello kitty themed pajamas.

They finally reach the awning and (y/n) gets to work ringing out the hem of her tee shirt.  It’s useless, even with the shocking amount of rainwater splashing on the ground, but Yuji doesn’t comment on it.

“You could’ve just texted you know” He mumbles, hoping the dark would hide the heat that rushes to his face.  Although, it’s somewhat welcomed, as he’s still shivering a bit from being in the rain.

(y/n) looks up at him, stopping her movements to wrap her arms around herself instead.  She was still cold too, but she didn’t say anything about it, didn’t try to rush back to her dorm or anything of the sort.

“Well maybe I wanted to come and see you, too,” She suggests, her smile softening as she gazes up at him.

He laughs, bashfully hanging his head to bite back the smile that threatens to take over his whole face.  (y/n) laughs with him, solely for the fact that she’d gotten him to crack just a little bit.

It had been awhile since he’d acted himself around her.  Maybe only a few days, but there was a notable change.  He wanted to hang out less, was rushing out of class, and training on his own more often.  For someone as extroverted as Yuji, it was easy to notice.  It had been nagging at her for longer than she would’ve liked, but she didn’t work up the courage to address it until tonight.

“Yuji,” 

His name comes out in a soft whisper.  Had she spoken so low while they were still caught in the rain, he surely wouldn’t have heard it.  It hits him now with the force of a truck.  He can’t help but give her every ounce of his attention.

“I’ve been meaning to ask… are you alright?” 

The concern laced in her gentle voice has him worrying, too.  There was some sort of hypnosis involved whenever she spoke to him, as if she had the power to compel him to answer anything she asked.  It was a terrifying ability, however Yuji was convinced she didn’t know she possessed it, so theoretically he was safe.  For now.

When he doesn’t answer right away, (y/n) feels an overwhelming need to explain herself.

“You’ve just been a little distant and… and I want to make sure you’re doing okay.  It’s okay if you’re not, just…” She trails off for a moment, her eyes flickering between his as she tries to decode whatever heavy emotion is sitting behind them.  “Just know I’m here for you if you need to talk, or anything, alright?” 

“I know,” He nods back at her right away.  Of course he knew.  She was the most compassionate person he’d ever known.  Just being in her presence relaxed him to a dangerous state of relief.  That said, his heart was beating at odd intervals as she displayed this much concern over his well being.  “I’m okay, you don’t need to worry” 

He tries to convince her with a smile, but she must see through it, because she gives him a puzzled look as her gaze sweeps over him.  A beat passes before she takes a deep breath.

“Of course I need to,” It’s not intended for it to come out in a whisper, but it does anyways.  “I’ll…” She loses her voice again as her eyebrows pinch together.  

Yuji wonders if she doesn’t know what to say, or if she can’t say what she wants to.  Either way, he waits with as much patience as he can muster for her to finish.  

“I’ll always worry” 

When it finally comes out, (y/n) seals her lips together, pressing them just tight enough that she’s sure they won’t let anything slip that she isn’t prepared to say.  Although if the pounding heart in her chest has anything to do with it, it very well could all come tumbling out before she could stop herself.

The corners of Yuji’s mouth tilt into a frown as he stares back at her with his own concern.  This isn’t right, she shouldn’t be worrying about him.  The logical corner of his brain is raising red flags at alarming speeds.  He needs to find something to say to right this, before she could put too much of her worry in him.  He wasn’t worth worrying about, didn’t she see? He wouldn’t be here forever anyways, there were definitely more worthwhile things for her to focus on.

Instead, all that comes out is a quiet, “Why?” 

(y/n) blinks, as if not understanding what he means at first.  Her arms squeeze around herself a little tighter to preserve warmth, but really she’s only squishing the cold and soggy material of her pajama shirt against her stomach.

“Why?” She repeats in a soft huff, before shaking her head.  “You’ll never really get it, hm?” 

The tiniest of smiles forms on her lips as she looks up at him, gauging his reaction.  Just like before, he’s got that lost look on his face.  It’s cute, the little knot between his brows and the way his frown deepens but only makes his lip jut out in a pout.  One of these days she’ll tell him how adorable this look on him is, but right now she’s only seeking to help him understand the way she feels about him.

“Yuji, do you remember when we all thought you’d died, but then Gojo brought you back?”

“Of course” He answers her without hesitation.

“And I cried at you and made you promise not to do anything stupid like that again?” 

This time, Yuji nods his head back at her.

“I’d never seen you cry before” He mumbles.  Just like earlier, thinking about it makes his stomach squirm uncomfortably.

“Well, that was probably the thousandth time I’d cried over you,” She tells him, and his eyes go wide with alarm.  A short, humorless laugh escapes her as she shakes her head at him.  “Not because of anything you’d done,” She says quickly, already knowing there was going to be a misunderstanding.  “But… we thought you were dead for quite some time, and I… I didn’t know what to do with myself.  I’ve never felt like a larger failure as a sorcerer- as- as a person, when you died,” 

Yuji’s frown worsens.

“I mean I… I was a wreck, it was awful.  I could barely sleep, eat, train- I actually was denied assignments for a while.  Gojo thought I would be a liability.  I know he was just worried about me, but… what I’m trying to say is it was hard,” Her voice strains and she has to take a pause to even her breathing before her emotions could get on top of her.  “Really hard” She adds quietly.

“I… I didn’t realize it was like that,” Yuji mumbles, ducking his head to stare down at the ground.  How could he be so stupid? She’d suffered over him and shortly after coming back he’d started distancing himself without an explanation.  “I’m sorry, I feel so-” 

“No, don’t,” (y/n) steps forward, tilting her chin to catch his line of sight even when he tries to avoid her gaze.  “I don’t need you to apologize, you haven’t done anything wrong, not at all,” She even gives him a small smile to convince him.  It takes a minute for him to commit to looking back at her.  “Yuji, it’s quiet the opposite” 

“The opposite?” He repeats, and she nods her head.

Her nerves have her repeatedly pushing her wet strands of hair behind her ears, tucking the same strands over and over to make sure they couldn’t possibly fall out of place.  Even though with how wet they were they practically slicked back against her head.

“I’m trying to tell you that I care about you, idiot,” She breathes out the insult so softly, so lovingly that even though it’s nature is cruel, his heart accepts it as the most darling pet name anyone had ever called him.  “So I’m going to worry about you… because I’ve lost you before, and I don’t want to go through that again” 

It doesn’t dawn on him how much closer she’d gotten to him until he lifts his head and they’re almost nose to nose.  Her eyes don’t shy away from his once.  They’re soft, and full of his favorite constellations.  He melts little by little before her, until his muscles stop shivering.

“I don’t ever want to put you through that again,” 

He whispers it as if it’s the most hidden secret he could offer her.  With it, his hand reaches out towards her, his eyes landing on the smallest strand of wet hair that she’d missed in her rampant tucking.  It’s clung to her cheek from the rain.  But his movements still just before his fingers could graze over her skin.

“But…” 

He doesn’t have to say it.  They both know.  There’s no sense in speaking about the thing that they never talk about.  It was his burden to carry, wasn’t it?  It wasn’t fair to make anyone else carry the weight of his punishment.  Even if just for a moment.  Even if his back is tired and he longs to love her like a man with no worry about a scheduled death date creeping up on him.

Yuji swallows, hard, trying to keep the unspoken reality just that- unspoken.

But he can’t help but feel as though he owes her an explanation.

“But I’m afraid I’m going to,” His mouth feels dry as he finally tiptoes towards the subject.  (y/n’s) face falls.  “One day, you know I… I’ll be gone and- and I won’t be coming back again” 

As her eyes flicker between his, there’s the smallest of movement in her chin, and incidentally she feels his fingertips ghost over her cheek.  Her head tilts towards the warmth of his featherlight touch right away, leaning into it until the pads of his fingers are pressed into her soft cheekbone.

As Yuji tells himself to pull away and step back, he finds the rest of his hand following her movement, until his palm is fitted over her cheek, and the tip of his index finger is finally pushing that stray hair back behind her ear.

“Are you afraid of death?” Her question is murmured so softly it’s almost spoken right into his lips.

He shakes his head.

“No,” He answers quietly.  “No, I’m not afraid of death.  I’m afraid of… what gets left behind,” 

He’s never shared this with anyone before.  He’d been bottling up the nasty feelings that come with knowing you’ll be executed for so long that it felt criminal to admit them to her now.  Especially when she frowns up at him, and he can see the tears forming in her pretty eyes.

“I’m afraid that I’m going to hurt the people I care about because… because I cared about them” He admits.

When she blinks, a tear escapes, and makes a run for it down her cheek.

“Yuji…” She trails off, a small gasp interrupting her.  “You won’t hurt anyone,” She tells him, even as another tear follows suit.  Just as it slips past her cheekbone, Yuji’s thumb catches it, and he wipes it away without hesitation, determined to keep her from crying over him anymore than she already has.  “We’ll be okay” 

“I don’t want to keep making you cry” He sighs, and she reaches up to grab him by the wrist, squeezing onto it as she presses her cheek further into the palm of his hand.

“You’re not making me cry,” She assures him, a watery smile stretching over her lips.  “I’m crying because- because what I’m afraid of is that you’ll die not knowing how loved you were,” 

His frown finally softens, morphing into faint surprise.

“I would never forgive myself if I didn’t make sure that you know that, every single day, for as long as you live,” She’s stammering a little bit, but there’s a sudden rush that overwhelms her, making her want to spill it all out before it’s too late.  “I’ve never… I’ve never felt so moved by another person before I met you, Yuji,” She confesses.  “I was just… training to be my best every day just because I thought that’s what you do when you’re in my position but then… then you came along, seemingly out of nowhere, and you turned everything so upside down I could barely see what the right direction was,” 

She’s cut off by a giggle that escapes her, and it’s almost out of place, but her entire face brightens with it as she relives that first blossom of feeling he’d sparked in her.  She’d never be able to describe to him exactly what he’d done for her, he’d never understand the way he sparked a purpose in her so deep that it made her feel like she’d finally grown a soul, but she could try.

“Yuji, you gave me a reason to want to be a jujutsu sorcerer, you know?” And he doesn’t know, but she continues anyway.  “You made me not only want to be a better sorcerer, but a better person.  That’s why when you died I felt so pathetic, for not being able to do something, to help you,” She explained.  “You were so bright and- and eager to do the right thing even when it was hard, even though you have every reason to just- just do whatever you want, to leave if you wanted…” 

She gnaws on her lip for a moment as she processes it all herself.  Her heart felt heavy in her chest, but she felt a certain responsibility to tell him the full truth.

“But you didn’t… you… you stayed,” She mumbles.

At this point, Yuji’s too stunned to speak, so he just stood there, frozen, taking in every word she had to say.  He doesn’t want to interrupt her, but he’s also at such a loss for words nothing would come out if he tried.

“I’m trying to tell you I- that I lo-” 

“Don’t,” 

He shakes his head, his hand sliding lower over her cheek, thumb hovering just over her lips, ready to press down if his interruption wasn’t enough to keep her from finishing her confession.  But she does stop, and he watches closely to make sure she doesn’t try again, his thumb still hovering just over her quivering lips just in case.

“Don’t say that” He whispers, quieter than the rain around them.

With the hand she still has curled around his wrist, she pulls his hand away, dropping them at their sides.

“Why not?” Her brows pinch together, her heart aching with the weight of the words still stuck inside of her.

“Because, you…” He tries to give her a reason, but it’s not an easy feat.  It takes a few tries of him opening and closing his mouth before something actually comes out.  “Because you can’t” 

She doesn’t like that answer.  She frowns back at him.

“Yuji, you-” 

“Because if you say that, then when I’ll die, I’ll know it, and I’ll know that I’m letting you down again.  I’ll know that you’ll cry over me, and you’ll- you’ll hurt and I can’t- I’m selfish, alright? I can’t cause that, I don’t want that-” 

“Yuji,” She calls his name again, this time reaching for him with her trembling fingers, clutching at the front material of his shirt to grab his attention enough to cut him off.  “It’s far too late for that now,” She says it with a chuckle and a bittersweet smile forming on her face.  Her head tilts at him, just a short angle, but enough that it makes him feel weak in the knees.  “Don’t you think?” 

No, there’s still time to take this all back, there’s still time to fix this.  There’s still time for him to end whatever is happening now and forget that it ever happened.

The faint nod he gives is only received due to the movement of his wet hair.  He’s not sure why he’s agreeing with her, but the logical corner of his brain was being squandered by his body’s instant reaction to be honest with her, to comfort her, to make everything okay, anything to keep her from crying.

“Too late?” He echoes the words curiously.  

Her smile softens as she nods back at him again, her free hand touching his jaw, so lightly he wants nothing more than to grab her wrist and press her hand into his face until the warmth of her small palm against his jaw was the only thing that he could feel.

She nods back at him, her lips pursing towards the corner of her mouth as she fights the urge to grin back at him.

“Afraid so,” She murmurs back.

They share small smiles and warm cheeks for a moment, and (y/n) becomes a little more sure of herself as she lays her fingers against the length of his jaw.

“But either way, are you gonna let me fess up now?” She asks, and it seems she really was waiting for his approval.  “I walked all this way in the rain, you know-” 

“When you have my number” He reminds her, and she laughs again, quiet and sweet.

“I felt like the walk” 

“During a huge storm?”

“Needed the air” 

“You’re soaked to the bone, you’re still shivering” 

“And it’s so bad that I wanted to come ‘n see you?” 

“I’m in love with you,” 

The bantering ends there.  (y/n’s) eyes double in size, and her shaking fingers finally still against his skin.  There’s no doubt that she heard him, but with how frozen she is before him now it was as if he suddenly lost the ability to understand the language.

Yuji’s cradling her face again, his hands cupped under her jaw and his face so close she could almost tear up again.

“I’m so in love with you,” He says it again for good measure, or just because he couldn’t hold it back now that it was out there.  “I…” He shakes his head, a breathless laugh escaping him, before he can’t help but confess one more time.  “I love you” 

“I love you too” It comes out so fast, as if the blockage in her throat was suddenly removed.  It’s followed by the faintest of smiles at first, timid and sweet- it’s the most innocent he’s ever seen her look.  

(Compared to the twisted grins she’d wear on assignments and even while training on her own, at least)

The shy smile quickly spreads wider, until it’s a goofy and toothy grin.  She can’t contain the spurts of giggles that escape her, because it’s just all too cliche isn’t it? Getting caught in the rain, sharing confessions that might be better left unsaid- and yet they just couldn’t help themselves.

He’s laughing with her, quiet and soft, before his hands drop to her hips and wind around her waist, tugging her against him in a tight hug. 

The sticky wet clothes make them both chilly again, but no one seems to mind.  Not when she’s wrapping her arms around his neck so tight that their wet clothes are clinging together.  They hang on as tight as they can before the wet clothes become too much of a hindrance, and they have to peel apart.

“C’mon,” Yuji’s quick to sling his arm around her waist and pull her towards the door.  “Let’s get some dry clothes” 

She follows him in, keeping as close as she can and walking on the tips of her toes once they’re inside, just to be sure that they wouldn’t be heard.  Even though the thunder was still rolling outside, Megumi was a known light sleeper, and they wouldn’t put it past him to wake up at the slightest creak of a floorboard.

“And something to eat, too?” She whispers, peeking up at him with hopeful eyes.

Yuji nods, smiling back at her.  It was ridiculously late, they surely wouldn’t be getting enough sleep to be well rested tomorrow, but that was a problem for tomorrow.

“Anything in mind?” He asks as they creep their way through the halls.  The smile she gives him in return suggests that she already knew exactly what she wanted.  Yuji can’t say he’s surprised when she answers.

“Meatballs…?” 

And it might be a ridiculous ask- because it’s two in the morning and it’ll be at least an hour before they could actually eat the meatballs, but Yuji beams at the suggestion, and agrees to the request right away.

“It’s about time I teach you how to make them, anyways” He says softly.

“Yeah,” (y/n) agreed, whispering just as carefully.  “I’d like that a lot” 

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

[ lost but now i am found // i can see that once i was blind // tryna take what i could get, scared that i couldn’t find all the answers honey ]

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

xoxo ~ jordie

[kaisfruit]

Hello love! I love your posts so much and I was wondering if I could request a Cole smut one shot? I mean, I saw your head canons and you said you could go on for longer, girl please do!??

Starved | Cole x Fem!Reader

A/N; I DONT KNOW U TWO, BUT U TWO ANONS MWAH !!! I LOVE U GUYS! i wanted to go so in depth w cole cuz i am unbelievably attrracted to that man i aint afraid to admit it. also, neither of yall specified BUT! im going w fem!reader since u both came from the fem!reader hcs <3

warnings; nsfw under the cut <3, cunnilingus, size kink, pussy drunk cole, unprotected p in v (pls wrap it b4 u tap it yall), probably some typos/grammar mistakes cuz i am way too scared to ask anyone to read this beforehand, and uhh i think that's it!

word count; 4.4k (i may have gotten a bit carried away im sorry yall)

Dinner was a favorite time amongst the ninja. It was time to unwind, to have fun, and enjoy each other's company. You had been chatting idly to Lloyd, who sat to your right, for a majority of the time. He was a bit quieter compared to some of the others (full shade to Jay, Kai, Cole, and Nya) and it seemed as if the mundane practice of just a normal conversation was a great relaxer for the green ninja, so he was definitely one of your preferred dinner companions. That didn’t mean there wasn’t chaos going on around you guys. Jay, who was to your left, seemed to be in a full shouting argument with Kai who sat directly across from the blue ninja. The topic of their angry musings was unknown to you, but Lloyd kept making commentary on it every now and again which you would happily add onto.

Across from you sat Cole, then to his left was Nya, and the head of the table was occupied by Zane while opposite him on the other end sat Pixal. Zane seemed content to exist in the company of all of you, only chiming in when he felt like it was needed, but he and Nya were definitely whispering jokes to each other every now again between bites of their food. Pixal, you noticed, was actually jokingly joining in on Kai and Jay’s argument. She would add in one point that was completely absurd and it would cause the other two to blow up again. That robot could be devious when she really wanted to be.

Then there was Cole. You were surprised that he wasn’t also a part of the argument, but you suppose the topic of…maybe devil worship? You weren’t sure, but still, whatever it was didn’t seem to interest the earth ninja. To be fair, you knew the other was prone to getting entranced into whatever he was eating at the moment and Zane had done wonderfully with tonight’s dinner (as he always did) so it was understandable really. 

“And, yeah, I don’t know. I just don’t really understand why I’ve always got to be doing something.” Lloyd finished his story up and you nodded along, having listened intently the entire time. 

“I don’t know either man,” you shrugged as you took a sip of your water, “your shit is always getting rocked one way or another.” That caused a slight snort of amusement to exit the green ninja. “I mean, I would’ve already changed my government name and gone into hiding if I were in your shoes.”

Lloyd let out a sigh. “That’s the dream. I don’t know if I could do all of that. Couldn’t leave you guys behind at all. That’d suck big time. Ninjago should just get its shit together so we can have some slice of life anime lives.” You nodded enthusiastically at that idea.

“Ooo yeah. And then we could have like fun drama like…what outfit am I going to wear tomorrow or oh no my hair is so bad!” 

“Yes! You’re getting it.” Lloyd grinned. “I think I should get a cat.” His mind wandered constantly, so you were only slightly jarred by the sudden conversation change. “I’ve heard that their purrs do some sort of healing and I could for sure use some of that.”

“I think we’d all like having a cat around.” You added on. “They’re sort of independent, so it would be a good pet for our lifestyle.”

Lloyd was about to respond to you, y’know how conversations work, when all of a sudden Jay slammed his palms onto the table as the “argument” had escalated. It caused the table to shake and before you could stop it your water glass had fallen down and drenched your shirt. You let out a loud gasp which quickly caught the attention of everyone.

“Oh my God, [name], I’m so sorry!” Jay began profusely apologizing, scrambling about the table to find some napkins. Kai was howling with laughter just happy to not be the one who fucked something up. Lloyd was a bit in shock, Zane and Nya had both gotten up to grab some towels from the kitchen with Pixal not far behind, and Cole seemed to be frozen. You were too caught up in the water seeping through your clothes to notice, but the ninja sat opposite you seemed to have his eyes locked onto you, his body tense.

“Jay, it’s fine.” You quickly reassured as you stood up, Cole’s eyes following the movement carefully, “I’ll just go get changed. It’s no big deal.” You tried giving the blue ninja a comforting smile, but you could tell the guilt was already eating him alive and it’d be hard to get him out of that state for a while. You’d try again later, you decided.

Letting those who had left to the kitchen know where you were going, you made your way to your room with your arms held awkwardly in the air so that the weird feeling of the wet fabric wouldn’t be sticking to your skin too bad. Before you could forget, you made a quick stop by the bathroom in order to grab a towel from the cabinet.

Finally having made it to your room, you were quick to tug your shirt off and throw it somewhere on the floor. A sigh of relief left your lips as you began to dry off your top half with the previously acquired towel. With a frown, you removed your bra as well since the water had made it to that garment too and once you were sure your skin felt dry you dropped the towel onto your bed and you made your way to your closet.

You were bent over getting into your dresser looking for a new bra when you heard a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” You called over your shoulder, still digging around in the dresser. 

“Uhhh Cole! Is it okay if I come in?”

“I’m sort of changing right now!”

“I won’t look!”

You huffed out a laugh at that. It was sort of indecent to let him in when you were like that, but he did promise not to look. But what if he did? That thought caused your cheeks to heat up a bit. To be completely honest, you were almost entirely head over heels for the earth ninja. The only reason you didn’t choose to spend every dinner chatting to him is because you knew part of you would slip up and embarrass yourself in one way or another. Not to say he didn’t do his fair share of embarrassing himself, but you found that endearing. He’d probably think you were weird and off putting if you were to just slip up randomly. 

“Fiiinneeee!” You agreed against your better judgment. “No peeking!”

You could hear a chuckle rumble from the man as the faint sound of the door clicking open hit your ears. Chancing a glance behind you, you smiled fondly at the sight of Cole with his hands over his eyes as he shut the door behind him. He stood completely still after that too scared to make his way to a place to sit with him completely blind like that.

“Soooo, what’s up?” You finally asked, trying to not get irritated at the fact that you couldn’t seem to find another bra in your dresser.

“I just wanted to check in on you.” Cole answered, his voice strained. “I’ll gladly beat Jay up for you. Swear.” That had you giggling.

“You’d beat Jay up over anything.” You rolled your eyes. “You’re just looking for an excuse to.”

“Nuh uh.”

“You can take a seat, y’know.” You changed the topic, about damn near close to giving up and just going braless (you wouldn’t actually. It sounded comfortable, but you didn’t want to expose yourself like that.)

Cole cleared his throat slightly. “No way! I’d totally bump into like a shelf or something!! All of your shit would be broken and then I’d have to beat myself up after beating up Jay!”

Another laugh escaped you at that. Was all of it made funnier by the fact that it was Cole? Maybe. Afterwards, you went silent as your mind began racing. This could be your chance? Would he think it’s weird?

“Hey, I,” you bit your lip in a pause, “I don’t mind if you open your eyes…” You finally spoke, getting ready to just laugh it off like it was just a joke. What a prankster you are!

Cole seemed to go oddly silent after you said that and you were sweating bullets. The tension that filled the room was suffocating. Quickly, you snapped up with your back still to Cole. That action was followed by the sound of footsteps almost as if the other ninja had begun walking closer.

You were about ready to apologize profusely when Cole’s low voice broke the silence, “can I ask you something, [name]?”

“Anything…” You murmured, still facing the other way.

“Can I…” There was a pause, an eerily similar pause to the one you had earlier. He was hesitant as he seemed to be fighting some inner battle.

Without thinking, you quickly turned around not caring about your current topless situation and you pulled Cole down in order to plant a fierce kiss to his lips. You were about to apologize for your impulsivity and how you should’ve asked first and not assumed, but Cole’s hands came to rest on your waist and he let out a low groan as he melted into the kiss.

You weren’t small by any means, but it was making your knees weak at the feeling of his hands just absolutely dwarfing your waist. Those hands pulled you closer to where your chest was pressed against him and the feeling of the bulge in his pants against your hips caused you to gasp which he took advantage of and slipped his tongue into your mouth. You let out a small whine at the action, but quickly reciprocated even if you let him have control of the kiss.

Eventually, the need for air arose and you reluctantly parted with him, a string of saliva connecting the two of you. His eyes searched yours, as if something in your gaze held the answer to every question he had ever asked, as his hands slowly wandered to the area beneath your ass. After a bit of panting between the two of you, the kiss quickly resumed and he lifted you up easily causing your stomach to do flips. You wrapped both of your legs around his back and took appreciation in the new angle as it was much easier than having him lean down as much as he was.

The kiss broke as his lips began trailing downward. A shiver ran down your spine at the sensation of his lips on your neck and your breath hitched as he lightly nipped and sucked at the skin there.

“You’re gorgeous…” He breathed against your neck.

Between your harsh intakes of breath, you eventually got out, “Cole, I need you.” Which caused another low groan to escape him.

“You don’t know how many times I’ve thought about hearing that come from your lips.” Cole had begun walking over to your bed and gently sat you down atop it as he crawled on top of you. He had barely even done anything, but you already felt like your brain was turning into mush. The sight of his body hovering over yours is something you’ve only ever dreamed about and you subconsciously rubbed your thighs together. That movement caught his attention, but he had to pace himself. Make sure everything was alright with you. You were operating at hyperspeed, however, and began reaching to the hem of his shirt. That didn’t go unnoticed by him either and he was quick to yank the material up and over his head. He flung the shirt onto the floor of your room as you laid there, stunned, at the sight of his body.

Cole was, well you knew he was big, but he was beefy. Clearly, he was muscular, but he had some chubbiness going for him as well and, God, you don’t know if you’ve ever needed anyone more. He was perfect. You started to sit up so that you could absolutely just feel him up, but he didn’t let you get up. Instead, he ran his hands down your stomach towards your shorts. You looked at him confused and he just leaned in close, his breath fanning across your ear.

“I want to make this about you.” His hands had successfully unbuttoned and zipped down your shorts. “Call me selfish, but I need to make you feel good. What kind of man would I be if I didn’t treat you like the finest piece of cake in the damn bakery?” To many, that’d be a cause for laughter, but knowing Cole, that meant everything. He slowly pulled away from your ear and you couldn’t help but look at him with the purest look of adoration after that. Even in a situation as intimate as this, he still managed to get the butterflies in your stomach to go haywire.

Cole slowly slid your shorts down your legs and off of your body. They probably ended up somewhere near where his shirt did. His eyes were transfixed at the wet spot that had formed on your underwear and he found himself subconsciously licking his lips. You, on the other hand, were staring at him with anticipation wondering what his next move would be. Gingerly, his hands came to rest on your waist and you shivered. His thumbs hooked into the last garment you had on, but he paused to look up at you. His eyes were searching yours once more.

“Is this okay?” He finally asked, his voice soft. Your enthusiastic nod put him into action and he quickly slid your panties off of your legs.

Cole could’ve sworn he was fucking salivating at the sight of your core fully exposed to him. He placed his hands underneath your knees and used that position to spread your legs open for ease of access. Knowing he still had his pants on, you were curious to what his current plan was until your eyes widened as you watched his head lower to rest between your thighs. Your face was flushed red and you could feel yourself trembling slightly. What he was about to do was just so…intimate? It felt more like a once the relationship has officially started activity, but it seems he wasn’t even kidding when he said he’d treat you like cake. Was he trying to ruin you for anyone else? (As if you’d want anyone else.)

The breath was knocked out of you as he took one small lick of you. You could’ve sworn you heard a noise escape him as well, but you weren’t given time to even think as he instantly dove back in. He had started eating you out like a man starved. His tongue moved along your pussy masterfully, making careful movements along your clit which caused punctuated whines to escape your mouth. You couldn’t help but reach a hand down to rest on the back of his head which he seemed to enjoy. Cole then made his tongue flatten out in order to lap up as much of your juices as possible. As if this wasn’t enough to get his fill, his tongue finally plunged into your hole and a gasp left your lips that slowly morphed into a low moan. This man was eating you up and you’re pretty sure your mind was completely gone by this point. What was your name? Who cares? Cole was giving you pleasure you had never experienced before and that’s literally all that mattered at this point. If your head wasn’t so far up in the clouds, you probably would’ve noticed that Cole was grinding up against the bed as he ate you out. 

Your grip tightened in Cole’s hair and a moan left his lips which seemed to vibrate along your cunt. 

“C-Cole–” His name was but a mere whimper along your lips and it only encouraged him to move his mouth against you faster. You felt the knot in your stomach twist up as your peak approached. You were practically grinding up against his tongue which Cole enjoyed immensely. He could not get enough and it rewarded him as you practically exploded all over his tongue. He was licking up as much of your climax as he could as you were still shaking in post-orgasmic bliss. Your vision felt blurry at the continued stimulation that carried you down from your high and you were faintly aware of the moans and whimpers making their way out of your throat.

Honestly, you had expected him to stop, but even one orgasm wasn’t enough to satisfy him. Cole was still lost in the taste of your pussy. You felt a bit of pain flare up at the overstimulation and you were trying to gently pull at his hair.

“Cole,” you whimpered, “h…hurts.” That fell on deaf ears as he just continued on. You thought he hadn’t heard you, but a shit eating look was sent your way and you knew he was trying to work you up. 

“Just one more.” He growled along your folds as he moved up to suck on your clit which caused a jolt to travel through your body. It seems as if he had enough of your trembles as his arms came up to rest on your thighs. The position still keeping your legs spread, but his strength kept your lower half still as he continued his ‘feast’. Your moans and whines had definitely picked up in pace at this moment as the pain began to border on pleasure.

Your second orgasm came much faster.

He licked it up just as enthusiastically as he did the first time. You think he probably would’ve tried to keep going for a third time if you didn’t forcefully pull him up this time. There was a sheen of your slick that shined around Cole’s mouth and you looked away slightly in embarrassment. Cole, meanwhile, was licking around his mouth trying to get whatever he had missed. 

Your chest rose and fell rapidly as you attempted to catch your breath after all of that. The shifting of Cole’s body was what finally caught your attention. The ninja was moving himself from above your body to your side and it looked as if he was moving to lay down next to you. All signs of lethargy left your body as you quickly sat up and rested a hand on his chest. Cole stared at you with a tilt of his head, the confusion bubbling within him evident.

“What about you?” You asked, still breathing a bit heavy.

“What about me?” Cole replied a bit dumbly.

“You know…” You muttered, a tad bit embarrassed, but you rested a hand over his painfully hard bulge in his pants. The feeling caused him to shiver and he looked down, realization dawning on him.

“Oh, it’s okay.” He said, picking your hand up and removing it from his crotch. “I said I just wanted to take care of you, right?”

“Yeah you did,” you started, “but I said I need you, didn’t I?” Cole nodded slowly, but a small frown was still on his face.

“Aren’t you tired?”

A sigh left your mouth. “A little, BUT.” You emphasized, noticing how he had opened his mouth to speak after you said that. “God damnit Cole. No way am I going to finally get you into my bed just to have you not dick me down. I don’t care how sensitive I am, I need you to fuck me.” You could barely believe what you had just said, but it got the job done. Albeit a bit slowly.

“...Are you sure? I don’t wanna hurt you…”

“I have never been more fucking sure in my life.”

Seeing as he wasn’t moving, you lunged over to him to begin slipping his basketball shorts down. Noticing your haste, Cole finally started taking initiative. If it’s what you wanted then he just had to give it. With a better method, Cole slipped off his shorts and boxers off together in one swift motion. And, boy, did he not disappoint. EVERY part of him was big, you had just found out. Saliva pooled up in your mouth at the sight of his cock as you couldn’t take your size off of it. If you weren’t so needy, you probably would’ve taken him into your mouth right then and there, but Cole already had a hand on your shoulder forcing you to lay back down as he positioned himself right above you again.

Your pussy was definitely still slick from the mix of your own arousal and Cole’s saliva and he ran a finger between your folds before shoving it into you. His tongue hadn’t been as thick as his finger, but it still wasn’t much to adjust to. The second finger proved to be more filling and your breath was once again escaping in huffs. 

It took a bit until Cole had either thought you ready or just gotten impatient, but he pulled his fingers out of you and lined his dick up with your entrance. A pause. You were about ready to complain until the breath was taken swiftly from your lungs as he slowly pushed in. As he slid in further and further, the more your breaths turned into short moans. It felt as if he filled absolutely every part of you and it was addicting. The stretch hurt, but it was so deliciously overpowered by the pleasure of him finally being inside you. Though, Cole still didn’t even attempt to move until you gave him the go ahead.

From there, he started at a slow but deep pace. It was a sensual experience. Above you, Cole was letting out little huffs and groans at the feeling of your walls around his member. He could explode right then and there if he wanted to. But, he continued at this pace of almost completely removing himself from your hole before pushing balls deep back in. It was excruciating.

“F..fa…faster.” You panted at him. And who would he be if he denied you this request?

The sound of skin slapping skin echoed around the room as Cole slowly began picking up the pace. His hips were pistoning in and out of you at a rapid pace, and you think you finally understood the phrasing of “being fucked stupid.”

Every push in had you moaning loudly. It was either moans or a broken moan of Cole’s name which made him go in a bit harder every time you did that. His head hung low until it was resting in the crook of your neck. The groans and low moans that were leaving the man only turned you on more and you about screamed his name when he bit into your neck. There were no thoughts of anyone here at the monastery hearing you two, as far as you cared, you and Cole were the only people in Ninjago at this point. All of your senses seemed to be completely filled by the man anyways.

The feeling of his licking, sucking, and biting along your neck combined with his rough abuse of your pussy brought you close to your third climax of the night which might be a record for you.

“C-Cole, I’m-I’m close.” You whined, your voice barely audible over the sound of him fucking you.

“God, me too.” He moaned against your neck. Cole was determined to not let go until you had, so he reached a hand down to start playing with your clit as he continued fucking into you. That absolutely sent you over the edge and you screamed as you came all over Cole’s cock. He continued thrusting into you throughout your orgasm which only made it feel that much better. His hips began stuttering in their movements and he was quick to pull himself out of the vice grip your pussy had on him. Cole wrapped a hand around his cock and jerked himself off the rest of the way until his cum started landing on your stomach. He let out tiny grunts as he fucked into his hand a bit before letting go.

You made sure he was looking at you when you scooped up some of his release and licked it off your fingers. He really had to save that image for the next time he masterbated.

Before he even allowed himself to lay down next to you, Cole carefully got up and reached for the towel you had used earlier to dry yourself off and used it to wipe his release off of your stomach, a small ‘sorry’ leaving his mouth as he did so. He was cute. 

Finally, his body dropped harshly at your side and you giggled tiredly at him. Cole rolled over to look at you and you held your arms open, a silent question for him to come cuddle you. 

His strong arms wrapped around your body and you rested your head on his chest, listening to his calming heartbeat. Cole found where your covers started and threw them over the both of you which only made you snuggle in even closer to him.

You two sat there in silence for so long, just catching your breaths, that you nearly fell asleep.

“Hey, [name].” You startled at the sound of his voice. A non-committal ‘hm?’ is what you hummed in response and he just rested his nose on the top of your head in your hair. “Do you want to go on a date with me?”

A content sigh left your lips and you sleepily looked up, causing him to remove his head from its place. “Of course, Cole.” One of your hands slipped out from under the covers and cradled one of his cheeks. You leaned up and placed a gentle kiss on the other cheek. 

“Now, let’s get some sleep. We can talk about the details later.” You said through a yawn and he just smiled at you fondly. You both returned to your previous positions and slowly drifted off, and for once, neither of you felt fear or dread for what was to come in the future.

[vesora]

all you got to do is sit there and look pretty: loa edition

DISCLAIMER: this was written before a series of realisations, the main point still stands but the subconscious mind does not exist. it is simply awareness. let go and let god.

one thing i have noticed, even in myself, is that we have this need to keep doing something. i need to keep affirming, i need to keep forcing myself into a state, i need to keep focusing on my thoughts or else it won’t manifest. all these thoughts have a common link, a fear of not manifesting, or rather, the 3D not conforming. 

it’s not our fault. we have been primed to think this way. work this hard and you’ll get (x). this is not the way it’s supposed to be. with the law, we break free. 

i need you to know that it’s okay if you’re consciously not thinking from your desire all the time. it’s okay that you don’t feel okay with entering another state if this one is too traumatic for you. relax and know the you on the outside, does not manifest.

who manifests then?

our inner self; our subconscious mind. our subconscious mind is us, but unlike our conscious selves, it is also the Universal Mind, meaning it knows all, it has all knowledge and power stored inside it. our job is to give the subconscious mind a job. as the conscious mind, we hold the key to decide to let what the subcon should manifest and not. we are the guard, we don’t manifest. 

all we really have to do is be still and let God, and by God i do not mean some external being, i mean our subconscious mind; our true self. letting go and detaching doesn’t mean you will stop caring about what you’re manifesting, it simply means that you know that the subconscious will handle it for you. because the subconscious IS you, it’s a robot that only listens to YOUR command. it cannot be influenced by any other force. 

experience 

for the past few days, when i made the unfavourable circumstances post, i was feeling so incredibly awful. i felt i had no reason to live, because i thought me as the conscious sora, was responsible for changing my life. while that is true to an extent, all i have to do is give an order. i told my subconscious mind that night to fix everything for me because i was tired and the next day, all the things that were causing me distress got solved. the next day i had an even better day, because the subconscious really fixed the things causing me stress. life was peaceful again.

it was then i realised that i have been too attached with doing things right, when all i had to do was sit there and look pretty while my subconscious does the work. 

another success happened just now! my browser froze and i didnt save this post. i panicked for a second then i was like “sora you just wrote a post about your subcon fixing things”; so i told my subcon “hey man fix this pls” and it did! lol browser is back to normal which is how ur seeing this post rn

what if my subconscious doesn’t listen?

anything that happens regarding these things is a direct reflection of you. inner creates outer, not the other way around. so, any failure is not because the technique failed, it’s because you haven’t changed self yet. and what changes self? persistence. you must keep persisting because the subconcious HAS NO CHOICE but to listen to you. if it ‘doesn’t’, DON’T ACCEPT IT. 

persistence

And He said unto them, Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves; for a friend of mine in his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to set before him? And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee. I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth. And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Luke 11:5-9

in this verse that neville also referenced, we can see that the man did not give up. in fact, importunity means: the act of making intrusions, being unrelenting, consistent. unrelenting, he never took no for an answer. he kept going and going and going until the man decided to give him bread. do not take no for an answer. do not settle. even if the door seems shut, you will ALWAYS be the key to open it; there is no other choice. keep telling your subconscious mind that you are rich, you are beautiful, you are everything and your subconscious mind will have no choice but to reflect that onto the 3D because that is its job.

excerpt from power of awareness:

“THERE ARE three principal characters in this quotation, you and the two friends mentioned.

The first friend is a desired state of consciousness .

The second friend is a desire seeking fulfillment.

Three is the symbol of wholeness, completion.

Loaves symbolize substance.

The shut door symbolizes the senses which separate the seen from the unseen.

Children in bed means ideas that are dormant.

Inability to rise means a desired state of consciousness cannot rise to you, you must rise to it.

Importunity means demanding persistency, a kind of brazen impudence.

Ask, seek, and knock mean assuming the consciousness of already having what you desire.

Thus the scriptures tell you that you must persist in rising to (assuming) the consciousness of your wish already being fulfilled. The promise is definite that if you are shameless in your impudence in assuming that you already have that which your senses deny, it shall be given unto you – your desire shall be attained.”

[itsnothingofinterest]

You know, honestly the LoV should have won the Paranormal Liberation War and annihilated most of the Class 1A and the hero society as a whole. I didn't like Class 1A because nobody died and plot armor saved them too many times so I want the LoV to win in the PLF War Arc.

While I can't say I’m a big proponent to any of the kids dying, especially when they…used to be…the best chance the story had at changing things in the next generation. (Definitely should’ve killed more pro heroes though, especially Endeavor.) But that other stuff?

Yeah, yeah I think the first war should’ve ended in a far more decisive villain victory. Especially one where they get to be in charge a bit.

Like, people came away from the first war thinking the heroes lost, and certainly it was their worst showing of an operation in living memory. But did they lose? Certainly not. The villains lost over 99% of their forces including many of their power players that could’ve taken on pro heroes solo and won. Sure they picked up more later for the 2nd war, but most of these replacements were USJ-tier nobodies at best. Meanwhile the heroes only lost half their numbers...and most were just due to cold feat in the aftermath. Actual casualties were, as I recall, a few dozen or so? Maybe in the low hundreds?

And I think that’s quite a missed opportunity. I’d have loved to see what things could’ve been like with Shigaraki on his rubble throne; let the PLF put their money where their mouths were and make the easier-to-live-in world Toga kept talking about. I think it could’ve been a great way to show the flaws that were supposed to be in their approach, maybe see why things can’t get better through their kind of violent upheaval or what ways they aren’t equipped to govern; but maybe also highlight some more flaws in the existing system by having the PLF focus hard on fixing them or maybe fixing a few easily. Just one "man, why didn't we do that?" situation could've been really cool & interesting.

Instead we got a period where nobody was in charge…well, actually more accurately the heroes and their government were still in charge in theory, but they were doing it badly because they failed once so a bunch of people lost so much faith that they stopped listening and chose to live in localized effective anarchy instead. But then the heroes prove themselves again and it all went back to normal.

(Man, putting it like that makes the hero system seem like the stock market if it was law enforcement.)

Anyway, because we didn’t really get to see what the villains’ world would be like, I still kind of think a resolution where Shigaraki triumphed over everyone and came out on top as ruler would’ve been the 2nd best ending for everything we could’ve gotten. (1st was of course one where heroes and villains work together for a best of both worlds resolution. 3rd by a wide margin is the one we got where everything goes back to as it was and trucks along to doomsday. And 4th was the one where AFO pulls a win out his ass.) Because, considering how aware the PLF are of the existing system’s flaws and their want to correct them; I can’t think of much solid criticism for their hypothetical governance that are not themselves purely hypothetical worst-case assumptions. I mean, besides ‘it’s wrong to get there through such violence’…and this is a shonen action manga where All Might ushered in an age of peace after beating up enough of AFO’s goons. A message like that’d always read a little hollow.

I can’t help but think that’s not the impression I was supposed to get towards the idea of the League being in charge and trying to make their easier world, but it’s the one I got anyway because there's not much to disprove it. Whoops.

Besides, the Paranormal Liberation War arc really was the villains' arc; if anyone had earned a true win by the end, it was them.

[ivyblossom]

I have been watching a tv show based on a set of books about a woman who goes back in time to 18th century Scotland and lives there for a while and has lots of sex (which she's very good at, btw, the text really wants to make sure I know that, she's SUPER good at sex), I'm sure you know the one I mean.

And my question is: is this writer whose name I am deliberately not typing into this post a narcissist? Because what is even going on with this story?

I realize I'm watching the tv show and not reading the books and surely that's different, but the whole universe of this story is warped around this woman and how amazing she is, and it just stinks of a personality disorder. It's not just that she's good at stuff or important in her own story, it's that everyone she meets is obsessed with her and follows the details of her life and thinks about her all the time, she is so important to everyone, no one else really has a life that doesn't have her as a focus. The belief that total strangers would take this much of an interest in your just smacks of narcissism to me.

And every damn character has a scene with her at some point where they're like, "Yes, I tried to fight you/hated you/wronged you, but it turns out, you were totally right the whole time and I trust you completely now and love you and you were the best thing that's ever happened to me, I die now." This main character would be sorted into Sparklypoo.

Everyone is super hot for her, everyone wants her advice, even her daughter is like, "omg you should totally abandon me now that I'm just barely a legal adult, you need to be with your hot Scottish man! Sure, the man I knew as much father recently died and you leaving would leave me 100% alone in the world, but WHO CARES? Go back in time to be with historical dude!" I...yike.

Then there's the guy who's like, yey, my dad just died, we are currently at his funeral, but you know what's really interesting? This woman and her daughter and their whole life story! I am really here just to serve their needs, I was getting bored at this funeral for my beloved father figure anyway, let's go focus on YOU, ladies!

It feels like the author has very strongly identified with her main character and everyone else are just functions to serve her. I know how fiction works, I know all characters are technically functions in service to the story, but I feel like a writer really shows their whole ass when they see other people as just sort of appendages that exist to support their self-insert character, with no inner worlds of their own. (Plotting against the main character is not an inner world of their own, no it is not!)

This story has all these weird conversations where people are making choices that make zero sense from their perspective, but they are great and meaningful from her main character's perspective, and that's all that matters, they just admire and respect that main character so so much that they will ignore their own will and their own life experiences and knowledge in favour of whatever she thinks and feels, and we're supposed to take this as normal or good somehow?

So...I have to ask. Has anyone met this writer? Is she a piece of shit? Is she actually a super nice lady? I just feel like you cannot be a super nice lady and write a story like this.

[demonpiratehuntress]

third time's a charm

Kaku x F!Reader

summary - he finds out you're Lucci's sister and is absolutely terrified of asking you out

warnings - none

a/n: more Kaku content because the Kaku fangirls are STARVED (i know, i am one)

Secrets were common among the World Government's top agents. They practically lived on secrets, as their very existence was supposed to be hidden from the entire world. But amongst each other, they thought, there shouldn't have been any.

The only reason suspicion grew that there was a secret amongst them was when you spent an unusual amount of time with Lucci, something none of them had ever seen before.

And a certain square-nosed member was starting to get jealous.

Now, Kaku was by no means a jealous man. He was confident in himself, his skill, and his abilities. He had never had a reason to be jealous of anyone else. That is, until he started developing a bit of a crush on you - one that was now complete infatuation. He was usually wary of other men talking to you, but Lucci was an entirely different story.

He had been the most sought-after foreman in Water 7 after all. Almost every single woman in that town had thrown themselves at Lucci's feet, so Kaku was well aware of how attractive he was to women.

And so, naturally, his first conclusion was that you liked Lucci.

Which set him back quite a bit, if not completely.

You first noticed his change in behaviour when he couldn't look you in the eyes anymore, or when his eager and excited greetings became more of a necessary, formal "hello" and nothing else. It confused you, because he was normally so sweet and happy around you, and seeing him like this was strange. You wondered if you had done anything wrong to deserve these new, distant interactions.

That didn't seem right.

Tired of Kaku's inability to focus when you and Lucci were together in the same room as them, standing close or sitting next to one another, Khalifa decided to just rip the band-aid off and ask for the stupidly shy swordsman.

"(Name), you've been practically hanging off Lucci's arm these days. Is there something you're not telling us?"

Her question caught you off-guard, and you frowned for a moment, thinking that there actually was something you were supposed to tell them. Everyone looked at you curiously, interest piqued.

"You didn't tell them?" Lucci turned to you, raising an eyebrow.

"I...may have forgot," you laughed nervously, before turning to the rest of the group. "Lucci is my older brother."

Out of all the things Kaku expected you to say, that had been nothing close to what he thought he would hear. His eyes widened, both relief and dread filling him in that moment. He was relieved that there was no romantic connection between you two, but also...absolutely terrified about what this new detail meant for him. If he'd been nervous about confessing before, he was absolutely terrified of doing it now.

"You..." Jabra gestured towards you, then Lucci, "and you...are siblings?" He let out an obnoxious laugh. "Yeah, right. You're completely different."

Lucci rolled his eyes, exasperated, "Yes, can we move-"

"She's so much better-looking than you are!"

The room went dead silent. Kaku would have slapped Jabra himself for that inappropriate comment, knowing full well what he'd meant - and it was far from innocent. But, as Lucci's gaze travelled to Jabra's laughing form, he realised that Lucci also realised Jabra's explicit intent. And the look that he gave Jabra was a look you all knew too well.

"Dismissed," Lucci finally spoke, his eyes pinned on Jabra. "Except you, Jabra."

A million thoughts ran through Kaku's head. Was he to suffer the same fate if he just complimented you or called you pretty? And what on earth would happen to him if he decided to brave this and ask you out? Would he even live long enough to find out?

"Hey."

Your soft voice brought him out of his panicked mind, and he turned to see you standing there with the gentlest of smiles on your face. However, it didn't quite reach your eyes and it looked almost forced, turning Kaku's panic into concern.

"Yeah?" He breathed out, unsure if he could manage anything else.

"Can we..." You sighed. "Can we talk? I think we need to."

This made him nervous, but he nodded and followed you to somewhere quieter, anxiety bubbling in the pit of his stomach. What were you going to say? What was this about?

"Did I do something wrong?" You finally asked, looking up at him.

Kaku blinked. Wrong? No. You hadn't done anything wrong, so why were you-

"You're not the same," you cut his racing mind off. "You don't act like you used to around me." Your face seemed to fall. "I just wanted to know if I've upset you or anything, because if I have, I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong, (Name)," he replied carefully, thinking of how to approach this situation.

"Then why are you different?" You asked.

"(Name)!" Lucci called from outside.

You sighed, looking down for a moment before taking a deep breath and walking right past Kaku. He had a half mind to just grab your wrist, stop you and show you exactly how he felt, but he let you go. He was afraid.

Not of you anymore, but of Lucci.

-

The first time Kaku finally worked up the nerve to ask you out, he was trying to mix it with an apology for his recent behaviour. He'd noticed you had also started being distant with him, and he didn't like it. So one day, he found himself standing in front of your room door, nervously clutching flowers and your favourite chocolate to his chest.

Cliche, maybe, but Kaku was completely new to this. And from what his research had told him, women liked flowers and chocolate.

You opened your door just as he was about to knock, surprise crossing your face, "Kaku?"

He swallowed thickly, about to open his mouth to say something until he heard footsteps approaching and turned, quickly hiding the gifts behind him when he made out Lucci's figure. Sweat dripped down his forehead and he shot you an apologetic look before rushing off, almost tripping in the process.

"What was that?" Lucci asked you when he stopped by you.

You watched Kaku retreat, amusement in your eyes, "I have no idea."

-

The second time Kaku tried to ask you out, he made sure to find a time when you weren't needed by your brother. He was so sure that this time would work, that this time he would finally tell you, but he was about to find out that it wasn't so easy.

He knocked on your room door again, and you answered with a smile.

"Kaku, come in."

He stepped inside, then saw who was with you and immediately shoved the giftwrapped box of jewellery into his pocket, his eyes going wide as he swallowed thickly.

"Kaku, what a surprise," your brother spoke, looking up. His gaze then shot to the bulge in Kaku's pocket, "Is something the matter?"

"N-no," the poor, panicked man managed to squeak out. His palms were getting sweaty again. "I'll-I'll just go." He was gone before you could protest, and you shot a glare at your smirking brother.

"He's trying to be a gentleman, you know!"

"I know. I just want to see how serious he is about dating you."

"You're horrible," you laughed, shaking your head.

"Maybe, but my sister deserves only the best."

-

Third time's the charm, right? That's what Kaku tells himself. Nothing can go wrong this time, he's sure. He even watched Lucci leave the building, so he would definitely not be in your room this time.

So Kaku approached your room more confidently this time, and knocked on your door with a sense of relief and satisfaction.

That changed when your bright smile nearly knocked his legs out from under him, and when your voice melted his brain along with every single thought he had.

"Hey, Kaku. Come in."

He did, and was so relieved to find that Lucci really had left. His tension eased, and he slowly sat on your bed after turning to face you. Then he held out the newly-purchased flowers and chocolates, as well as the smaller, giftwrapped box, to you.

"These are for you."

You blushed, taking them and admiring the effort, "Thank you, Kaku. This is so...this is really sweet." You felt butterflies bloom in your stomach.

He smiled, "Only the best for you."

You stilled at his words, eerily similar to Lucci's. But Kaku's were more...romantic. A different kind of feeling settled in, and your butterflies only seemed to grow as you turned to smile at your crush after setting his gifts down.

"That's even sweeter."

He took a deep breath, before standing up again, "(Name), I'm sorry for how I was behaving before...I didn't mean to upset you. I just thought...well before we found out you're related...I thought you liked Lucci." He sighed. "And then after, I thought Lucci would kill me if I tried to make a move."

You giggled at his explanation, moving closer as well, "He was just testing you these last few weeks. Overprotective as he is, he wanted to see how committed you are to me."

Kaku's heart almost stopped, "And is he...did I...?" He wasn't sure how to phrase it.

"Mhm, he's satisfied," you smiled. "That's why he's not here. He figured if you didn't try a third time, you weren't serious. But you did, so he left us alone for a bit." You moved even closer, so close that Kaku's familiar and knee-weakening scent filled your nostrils. Flustering you.

Kaku, in his relief, relaxed and gave you a warm but silly smile, "I was planning to try until he gave me a chance to be with you."

That's it. You needed to kiss this man.

You stepped forward and grabbed him by the zipper of his jacket, pulling him towards you. Forgetting he has a long nose. When it poked you in the eye, you giggled and pulled away.

"Sorry," he said quietly, his cheeks turning the cutest shade of red.

"It's okay," you smiled.

Then tried again. This time you angled your head in a way that would make it easy for you to reach his lips, and you smiled when they finally met yours. The kiss was slow, sweet, and passionate. Kaku pulled you close to him, showing his adoration for you by affectionately moulding his lips against your own. With a gentleness only Kaku owned.

"I like you too, Kaku."

[elizakai]

When it comes to the bad sanses, there’s so many things to be explored, but I want to point out something I never see addressed

SOULS.

⬇️ little soul analysis under the cut!!!⬇️

They all have COMPLETELY different SOULs;

Nightmare: Nightmare is a being that is a lot different from other monsters. He is basically a god, with a SOUL that holds great importance in relation to the multiverse they all live in, it’s an embodiment of negativity and corruption. Not to mention, Nightmare originally HAD no SOUL (same as Dream, as their entire body was magic, more so than normal, thus essentially being their SOUL) and this is a result of absorbing/ becoming the multiverse’s negativity.

Killer: Killer’s SOUL has been mutilated and twisted out of shape, it visibly and by nature is a “corrupted” SOUL. His very being was brutally and forcefully shifted, starting with his mind and ending with his very core, his SOUL. It being out in the open and, well, a literal target, makes me assume this is a weak point. I am under the assumption that SOULs are a very touchy topic for this man.

Cross: Cross had a SOUL that could be assumed normal, but he is also a creation of X!gaster. (I didn’t represent his actual SOUL oops) he has been shown to be out of the norm in terms of his existence/SOUL. To take it a step further, when he is fused with the soul of Chara,human and DETERMINATION, he only posses half of a monster SOUL. Either way his essence is very much different then that of “natural” monsters, I think it’s pretty self explanatory

Horror: this one can go two ways. A lot of horrortale fans interpret horrors eye, his source of magic, a representation of his SOUL. It makes a lot of sense within the comic and story. Thus we could obviously see that an eye and a SOUL are very different. However it could be argued that “source of magic” and “essence of being” aren’t the same. A lot of the fandom also interprets horrors SOUL separately, and a fair assumption is made that his SOUL is either shrunken or sickly in appearance in this case. This makes sense due to horrors lack of/small amount of magic, his body learning to regulate itself without proper nutrients to keep his magic going.

Dust: Dust has the most natural monster SOUL of the group. We can assume that monsters who have attained high LV, such as Dust, also have altered SOULs, especially when we consider how violence is out of a monsters default nature. That said, monsters are ABLE to gain LV, so it isn’t some anomaly. One could also consider Dust attaining “new traits” to affect his soul. What I mean is it can be interpreted that, Dust having lost JUSTICE and gained DETERMINATION, along with the usual PATIENCE (supposed to be cyan lol) , his soul would probably also reflect these changes. We can call into question how much DETERMINATION Dust actually possess? Is it dangerous? Again, it still doesn’t alter his actual MONSTER SOUL much

(I’d also like to point out, I think it’s cool that red (DT) and blue (patience) make purple (perseverance) which is the color of dust’s magic…I think it’s interesting 🤷🏽‍♀️)

They probably wouldn’t know what to make of the others SOULs, as they are all so drastically different. If something were to happen to one of them…would they even know what to do?

(yeah I’m forcing my story ideas down your throats because headcanons)

All that to say, I’m interested to hear other people’s thoughts or headcanons on this, and I want to see more of this explored!!!

SHARE ANY THOUGHTS YOU HAVE ALRIGHT THAT’S ALL

[lizaluvsthis]

Kisame

"I regret the things I did..."

Written by @lizaluvsthis

Inspiration from the song ' Kisame ' by Rhodessa

[Recommended song to listen to]

Summary- SMG4 finished his daily video and laid back down to his bed, he finds himself overthinking...

Note- Kisame in english means ceiling ^^

Chapter is only 1/1

Tags: Angst, Fluff, Pining, Angst/Self Comfort, Gay and Depression is real.

You opened this chapter and I won't say sorry once you did.

10:25 pm

SMG4 had finished editing his video, shutting off the lights and laying his back flat on the mattress.

Taking a huge breath from all the exhaustion he wasted on another brand new video, opening both of his eyes.

He began to stare at the ceiling for a while with a blank thought of his mind, trying to take a break after everything. Even how much he pushed out those problems, it kept bothering him anyway.

What was he supposed to do? SMG4 is a hard worker, to keep the fans entertained, worked out from his ass by 24/7 with every videos he'd make, he couldn't stop.

Oh, how he regretted every moment of that, how he hated himself, he could never say sorry. Even just a simple sorry was difficult enough to emphasize his own character.

What made it hard for him to apologize is that he couldn't say sorry to himself, never even forgive. He was selfish, a selfish man whose hopes are up to 'follow that dream' but he can't push all of those problems forever, he can't just forget about them because they were such a big deal when you're living.

He found it hard to accept, to live as a normal guy. He has such a big reputation to be in and yet he's stuck at some place built a castle with his name written on it.

He still has to pay, living a day in a world where you survive while time passes by... it's sad.

He wished he never existed in the first place, but what came in? Contents to make him keep alive, endless amounts of videos he'd make.

The passion he craved with, the goal he reached. He made it. What next?

What was his next goal? If he had everything to himself now, why did he feel so incomplete? Why did he feel lost? Something missing?

SMG4 knows that he'd already been miserable enough, why else would he be upset?

"We can make another!"

A memory echoed through his head, ears hearing this out from Three's voice were surreal.

Just seeing three by his side, was he actually telling the truth? Were they both really friends? Were the things he said are real? Did he ACTUALLY had that soft side that led him to open up his heart and spoke the whole thing?

Or was that all just to set him free and that none ever he said were true?

But if he did... then why else would Three help him even after and before?

If three considered him as a friend, friends always got their back. Like how Mario helped him, how every crew of his are like a family he never had.

SMG3 meant something... something special...

He was the first antagonist he met but became ex rivals with four even right after the whole "destroying your reputation" arc.

What made three change his heart of mind? What made him change his choice?

Wasn't he supposed to kill the guy- him?

Wasn't he supposed to be the evil one?

Weren't his actions to make Four's life a living hell?

Weren't all those things he did is to steal his youtube channel?

What happened to him?

Where did his old self go and whats this new him?

What took four this long to realize that three had done so much to save him? Risked his life? Literally.

He was sorry for him, sorry for everything. But he never even told him how sorry, how much of a bother, how annoyingly of a coward he was towards his feelings.

"R-remember what I said?" What did he say? What was that? What is four missing here? What did he forgot? What did he miss?

"We're friends!"

.

.

.

-ring-

.

Was that right?

.

Were they both really friends?

.

After everything they've been through?

.

.

After... he destroyed him...?

.

.

.

"Ughhhh..." he tried to cover his eyes, planting his wrist to his view. Tried to keep himself calm...

-inhale-

A deep quiet sleep...

-exhale-

A silent evening with nothing to feel bothered of...

-inhale-

Just push them all away and never bother...

-exhale-

Going...

Back...

-

Opening his eyes back again looking upon the clock...

10:31 pm

Tik...

Tok...

Tik...

Tok...

Time passes by too slow... yet too fast at the same time...

It makes you go crazy and lose your mind...

Where did I went through?

How did I get here?

Why did I ended up like this?

A mind flooded questions, unanswered thoughts. Overthinking again and again and again and over again.

Why was he thinking about Three back there?

Why did it matter to him again?

He didn't know how or why...

There is just something... a thing that he isn't sure what it's called...

Sure they're friends but are they really?

There's so many things roaming through his head, sending him mixed signals from Three's complicated doings.

He found it quite interesting and exciting but at the same time- scary.

Intrigued and fascinated by how Three could do everything better, and that he never misses. All of it... impressive...

But wasn't four more better than him from the start? Back in memewarts he kept notice that Three had tried everything... yet... he got the attention all to himself again...

"You're an -sshole smg4..."

He said that to himself... everything is pretty bad to him... why did he have to do that? When you're already full of everything and you keep bugging into their life?

Came crashing in and picking up the pieces you can't fix...?

"You're so tsundere SMG3" "NO I'M NOT! YOU BAKA!"

Another set of memory flashed to his eyes, three is a tsundere... he looked at the meaning earlier ago, was this all true?

Three? Being an actual tsundere to SMG4... everytime... he gets back to him... a possibility he had feelings for...

No... no way... there's just no way...

His heart started beating faster, warmth from his face, his cheeks and his nose turning red. Felt like his eyes were burning, how he forgot to cry...

Felt like this was the first time from him in years to ever cry after so long... he gripped the sheets from the mattress, his heart felt torn apart.

Ripped up to bits, feeling it sunken deeper, like drowning from a breathable surface. Was that all he could ever wanted? Changing for the better person?

He was gay for him? Madly inlove? A reason why he RISKED his LIFE to SAVE HIM...???

"But why...?" Time and time again, why does Four even bother? It was all from Three... he felt so stupid... so oblivious that he is now realizing Three had this feeling for him...

"I'm... I'm just so lonely... I'm so stupid..." SMG4 hugged the only pillow from his head to his chest, "SO STUPID!" almost tearing the fabric. He lets go, fear that he'd been hurting...

Left for burden...

"I..." He didn't know what to do anymore, looking down at the small rips... in a depth of staring silently...

How long had he been too busy? How long? How long did Three wanted to admit he really love him? How long did three change?

How long was he also suffering the same silence just like his? How long did he hide everything from him? Being the coldest and meanest person? Becoming soft? How long?

How long didn't he express? How long had Four been ignoring his feelings? How long didn't he just act now? How long? How long could he stay like that?

How long would he keep on doing this?

...

Well one thing is for sure...

You can't solve everything from your problems...

You just... kind of did it... beyond repair... broken...

He knows he can't hide his pain anymore... why does he still deepen it when everything is collapsing?

Everything hurts...

Even if... how many times... he kept himself in strangles with the hardest things...

He still finds Three as his other way... like a pathway guiding him to the light like how he did when he was at his darkest moments of life.

Like how he saved him for not going insane...

Thats how of a person SMG3 is...

He hated it... he loved it at the same time...

He felt safe... yet uncomfortable...

Relaxed... panic...

Sad... happy...

Home... loved... and cared...

He didn't deserve all of this... but he is still greatful to have the people he's closest to by his side. Because they'll never leave him no matter what happens.

Four is thinking negative thoughts, but now it was replaced by Three and the positive outcomes of him catching up.

"Three you... you saved me..." Twice he said it... twice... yet Three saved him a bunch of times now, he had to thank him.

"Yeah whatever" how he nearly died during the chase with mario and the notebook, three flunging him out due to the missle's point.

He almost died, and three is just.

"You're gay for me?" he remembered the past, unsure if he really admitted that he has feelings for the man in purple. He was too scared to love, the most closest people he'd been with.

Made a thought of abandonment...

If he could've done more, he wouldn't be a burden to his friends and to him...

How does he tell Three that he also liked him? That he really really loved him...?

His thoughts can never get rid of him because he was someone special.

He wasn't sure if he's worthy for his love.

Why does it always have to end up like this?

.

.

He looked at his hand touching the air, notice of his tears stopping.

It's okay... even no matter what or how many times he ignored him, because the pain they both are baring now. Are insufferable to deal to.

Just for Three...

And to himself...

To live...

The water that dripped down from his tears dried, eyes widened and understanding. His heart now wrapped and covered with warmth and joy.

He finally smiled with those soft eyes.

He hugged himself and laughed, how he loved Three, how he just overthinked everything to question his purpose and living, then to him again.

It doesn't matter anymore.

What matters is that he continued living than choosing to die, his decisions are what he points at.

No matter now, if he doesn't know how to deal with his problems? He'll find a way...

He always does...

With a final exhale, relaxing his head and shutting both of his eyes.

How he loved it...

Dying from his lifeline with just a silent scream, daring not to tell a word or two.

Three is all that matters to him in the end.

A few minutes passed by as he drifting away to sleep...

----------

Three however is also dealing the same problem... except it was the opposite. Crying himself to sleep...

- END -

[doberbutts]

I also think- having recently seen a post that said Blue Eye Samurai isn't a queer story, it just has queer elements- that sometimes it feels like fans cannot make up their minds.

Do we or do we not want stories that treat being gay as a perfectly normal, perfectly common experience the same way straight people are depicted in every story to ever exist?

In BES, no one is outright stated to be queer. That's partially because in Japan, until Japan felt the need to sanitize itself to appeal to foreigners, it wasn't unheard of at all for men to be gay. Multiple famous samurai and swordsmen and nobles were either outspokenly gay or are commonly theorized to have been gay in modern historical readings. Abijah making multiple references to swinging both ways, Kaji's offer of a male prostitute, the various scenes we have of men being together in sexual positions, they're not met with surprise because homosexuality was an acknowledged thing that happened.

Taigen's erection while he's wrestling Mizu, even though he doesn't yet know her secret, is treated awkwardly because they're supposed to dislike each other and also he's supposed to be in love with Akemi, not because "whoa bro no homo".

(This is also why I keep saying that it's difficult for me to put into English words what I think Mizu's gender is, because gender and sexuality quite frankly did not work the way my 2020s American brain wants to contextualize it, and I think it's important to consider the cultural aspects here esp in a show so heavily leaning on a racial story)

However, compared to many other shows out there even regarding the same area and country, BES is significantly more queer than the majority of them produced in the last 30 years. Is Mizu herself queer? Well... maybe, depending how you define it. Back in the day, otherwise cisgender crossdressers and male-impersonators were still grouped in with those we'd call transgender nowadays. She seems to be exclusively interested in men, but also seems to be equally receptive to considering herself sexually as both a man and a woman pairing with men, than as a man or woman pairing with women which she has adamantly refused with zero interest on multiple occasions.

Is Taigen bi? I mean, maybe! He seemed more mortified that he had an unwanted erection in front of someone he wanted to impress and play with, than that he had it over someone he considers a man, using the excuse that he misses his would-be fiance.

Abijah certainly seems to be bisexual, considering we see him having sex with both women and men, and his various sexual references talk about both men and women as well. This is ignoring whatever weird sexual tension thing he's got going with Heiji, who seems both receptive and repulsed by it.

And, not to be remiss, but there is a reason I specified that homosexuality among men was pretty known. Due to the more rigid policing of women's sexuality in this era, homosexuality among women was less commonly reported (though I have heard stories of noble women and their handmaids, or the working poor women, or among prostitutes living together in the brothels, so also not unheard of but perhaps less accepted as women were largely bought and sold in marriage and sex trafficking) - but even with all of that, Kaji and Kinuyo have something together. Whether that is a mother-daughter thing, or if they were lovers, is up to interpretation. The implication that out of everyone at the brothel that Kaji genuinely cares for, Kinuyo was special, and that wasn't a particularly uncommon arrangement historically if I'm hearing about it 400 years later in a completely different country.

So this "well it's not a queer show" and "if I was told this was a queer story I'd be disappointed" is honestly just ridiculous hooey to me. Do you want characters who are able to explore their sexualities without looking over their shoulder out of fear of homophobia, or not?

[thefinalwitness]

it hit me this morning why i like the uniformity of the ancients so much and why i generally disagree with the idea they should be more visually weird. not that i think anyone is BAD for thinking this, i totally get it, especially in the context of azem and wanting to make yours FEEL like your own. (tangentially, i also think azem is one of the best ancient characters TO deviate from the uniformity, given what we know about them and the people born of their soul.)

but what i find so compelling about a society of people whose Whole Thing is creation magic, the ability to Make Anything, having a lot of stigma against deviation in the form of self expression with one's own body is how SAD it is. how DYSTOPIAN it is. you can invent the most creative, stunning objects and creatures known to man, but you can't even show your face.

i think it's a really powerful, subtle piece of the puzzle that ties the whole concept of the world unsundered together—in particular, how miserable it really was, how unsustainable their society really was, how prone to characters like hermes and venat it really was. it reminds me of some of the worst elements of real life; how creators and inventors are lost and forgotten behind their works (instead accredited to companies, or a single person), how artistic and creative careers are typically treated as unsustainable and simultaneously exploited, how unyielding and suffocating the concept of "normal people" is (to the detriment of anyone who deviates, be it by gender, sexuality, race, abledness, religion...). i think it's genuinely meant to be a commentary on things like that, or at least i think regardless of intention it IS an incredible commentary on that.

i think the ancients are SUPPOSED to be boring and uninspired—wearing the same clothes, concealing their faces, never using their transformations—and i think it reflects such an important element of why the world unsundered was awful: ancients were amounted to their creations and duties, not their own selves. you can even see this in the convocation seats, how you're given a new name that EVERYONE, even your closest friends, almost exclusively refers to you by; the implication that you must not only uphold your duties, but blend in seamlessly with your predecessors and successors, that you must be indistinguishable.

this is HOW characters like hermes and venat developed their respective discontentments with their lives; you were not your own person, but a cog in the star. you did not get to have your own passions, styles, ideas—and even when your role was complete, you couldn't be yourself. you were expected to remove yourself from society. you were expected to cease to exist beyond your function. even despite the fact that the ancients WERE individuals with personalities and dreams. their actual bodies vary widely, their eyes glow vibrantly; almost as if they're MEANT to burst with uniqueness. and it's all buried in black robes and masks.

and i think all this is why i LIKE the uniformity so much, because narratively speaking, it's such a fascinating concept. there's a lot of room to explore how it works, why the people of the unsundered world got to that point, how it might disproportionately benefit some people and hinder others. emet-selch calls it perfect and a paradise, but i always got the impression he was meant to be an INCREDIBLY unreliable narrator; i think he was among the people that benefitted from the uniformity and the "this is just how life is, don't resist it" of it all, and i think you can see him recreating it even worse in allag and garlemald. i think it explains the DEPTHS of his hatred for the sundered too, beyond obvious things like "they're not the people he lost".

because the sundered world, conversely, is FULL of individuality. people look, act, talk and live countless different ways; every city and region has a completely different way of life, so much so that you can tell where someone's from just by how they talk or dress. i think venat understood, especially after meeting the wol, that people needed to be free; that a world like hydaelyn would be someplace people like hermes could thrive. and that this plethora of individuality would be the world's salvation—in all things, not just the song of oblivion. i think this is what "hear, feel, think" MEANS.

and so, to me, so much of the picture is lost if the ancients had utilized their creativity inwardly. that's not to say i'm telling anyone NOT to do it—again, i think azem is a great character TO push against this ideology, and i even have an ancient oc (non-azem) who does the same! i think these people absolutely existed, and were simply drowned out and ostracized by the rest of society. mostly i'm just excited to finally be able to articulate this, and i've seen people also question why the ancients are so boring, and wanted to share my thoughts in case it helps! i really like the ancients because i think they're startlingly human (to say nothing of their actual human resemblance), and i think that's so much more interesting than if they'd been super diverse and alien BECAUSE of how much it harms them as a society. super flawed characters fascinate me and make me reflect on my own choices and ideologies, and i think that's both a lot of fun and super useful just in general!

edited to add: i think there's also the mechanical element of game design, and signaling things to players. while a fictional world can be endlessly different from our own, as creators, we still need to communicate the ideas in a way people who live in our world understand. this is, for example, why i think the ancients appear human; being FROM a world where everybody's human, we immediately associate their resemblance to us as benign and unremarkable. and that's what the ancients, i think, are SUPPOSED to be, or rather, what their society has imposed as "correct". the developers using appearances that we'd see in everyday life makes us think, "oh, that's not very fantastical," which is exactly what the ancients' society wanted people TO think of each other. obviously this is a much more technical reason than the rest of this post, but i think it helps explain why they specifically are uniformly human, and not, like, uniformly purple mantis people (which would be cool and different and fantastical, hence muddying the message!).

[backmuscles21]

Past Lives

Tsu'tey x Reader, Past Miles Quaritch x Reader

Summary: You are now full Na'vi and mated with the best warrior around, Tsu'tey. However, going out with Jake's kids could put that into jeopardy when someone from your past comes back to make you confront it.

Warnings - Suggestive themes, past violence, past child neglect, emotional manipulation, manipulative relationship, past abusive relationship, past unhealthy relationship, implied sexual content, swearing.

The day had started off so normal, so how did you find yourself currently being held against a sky demon as a man you knew when you were human, questioned you. It’s quite simple really, you have decided to let your best friend’s kids break some rules.

The day started off normal, you woke up next to your mate, Tsu’tey, and you both kissed for a while before it was time to get up. You got up and had breakfast, you started on some chores and right before you went over to Jake’s place. Tsu’tey kissed your forehead and told you he was leaving to hunt with the other warriors. You pulled him down for a real kiss, to which he chuckled and turned to leave with his bow in hand. You smiled as you watched his tall slender body walk off, you would never get over that man.

You remembered fighting against the sky people, you remembered hearing over the comms that Tsu’tey went down and you panicked. You flew over to his last position and helped him onto your Ikran and took him back to the tshaik. He was healed and after some rest, he healed properly, it was then as you cried over him that you confessed to him. He smiled at you and pulled you down to kiss you, it wasn’t long after that, that you and him mated before Eywa.

You went over to Jake’s place and met up with him, he was heading out to fly with Neytiri and Neteyam. Jake would commonly leave Kiri in charge and they always had you nearby if they needed help. So, they left out for a ride and the five of you guys hung around for a while before you ended up running around the forest. You knew where you were getting close to, you remembered this place, you remembered being here and living here. You knew Jake’s rule, no one was supposed to be here, but you found yourself in a trance, you were reminiscing.

You felt a tear begin to fall down your cheek, so much pain came from here and so much heartache. You could hear the kids talking and you didn’t come back to it until you saw the person that looked like Na’vi but clearly was not. They wore human clothes, they held guns, and they looked like the military. You remembered when sky people returned to Pandora, it was a hard day for the Na’vi, and no one wanted them back.

“Stay calm. We will sneak off. These don’t look like good people,” you whispered.

“We should tell our father,” Lo’ak said.

You took a deep breath, you knew Jake would be pissed at u and his kids, “fine, call him.”

Lo’ak used their linked comms to call his father, Lo’ak told him where they were and that they needed help. Jake responded right away, help was on the way, and you could hear how pissed Jake was over the comms you wore. You tried to slowly get the kids out of there unharmed, you needed to flee right now. However, Eywa had other ideas and Tuk was caught by one of the men.

The men had all of you held hostage, they held your arms and your hair and pushed you to the ground. The only one they weren’t rough with was Spider, that’s when you heard the voice of a man you never thought you’d ever hear again.

Miles Quaritch.

You didn’t even know he was still alive, but that was his face on a Na’vi body. You almost felt terrified, you never wanted to see or hear him ever again, not after what he did to you. You wanted to forget your life before you became full Na’vi, you wanted to forget what your father made you do, you wanted to forget how you believed him and Quaritch. You didn’t even talk in English anymore, not to a single soul, as far as you or anyone else was concerned, you don’t exist anymore. You kept your head down as Quaritch talked in English, it was only when he started to ask about Jake that your ears perked up. You planned on staying quiet and not moving, but when he started to pick on Lo’ak and Lo’ak was getting mouthy did you start to get concerned.

“Oh, you’re his alright.”

Hearing that come from Quaritch made you more alarmed.

He started to walk around, looking at the others, you knew he would come around to you at some point and you imagined that he would recognize you. You tried to keep your head down and you’re breathing even, he was baring his fangs as he looked at all the kids. Then his eyes landed on you, you peered up at him through your lashes, his face looked to be confused. You saw him squatting down to get closer to your eye level, he motioned to the person holding you. You felt your hair being tugged so your head was pulled back, and your face was revealed to him.

His eyes held shock, you knew what was going through his mind, last anyone had heard, you were KIA. His mouth would open then close like he was trying to find his words or choose them carefully. You tried to keep your eyes off his face, you didn’t want him to realize who you were. He stands up and moves back over to Lo’ak and your fear increases again, Quaritch pulls a gun from his belt and points it at Lo’ak. No way were you going to let Lo’ak die, this kid had been through too much and he’s been dealt a rough hand.

“Go find another bitch to hoover then count the days until you lose her,” you yelled at Quaritch in English.

You wished you could’ve seen his face, his tough military bad guy exterior cracked and his eyebrows raised. He remembered that line, that line haunted him for months, he remembered when you spit those words at him while at the original Pandora base. He slowly turned around and put his gun back into his holster, he walked over to you and brought you to your feet by your braid. You whined out at the pain from him pulling at your sensitive que, your hands grasped his wrist to try and alleviate the pain.

“I thought that was you. I didn’t think you were still alive. I thought you died years ago during our first battle.”

“To you I am dead.”

“I can’t believe that you are alive and that you are full Na’vi now. Just like Jake. You both betrayed us.”

“You betrayed me asshole. I wanted to help you and my jackass of a father at one point. You lied to me. I gave you my heart over and over and you traded it.”

“Sweetheart, I never lied to you.”

“You lied to me every goddamn word that came out of your fucking disgusting mouth.”

“Not every word was a lie, like when I told you how gorgeous your body was or how tight your pussy was,” he yanked on your braid harder.

You took a breath to avoid whimpering at the pain, “shut the fuck up, Quaritch.”

“What don’t want your family to know how many times you fucked me. Do they even know English?”

“They know enough.”

“What you afraid they will go home and tell Daddy about how many times we fucked. You think he will still want to be friends with you after that?”

“That’s not how things were then.”

“What back when you were so naïve and did anything I asked of you just because I gave you attention? You were always just a good lay princess, nothing more. Even Parker, your father, was okay with me fucking around with you.”

“Go fuck yourself, Miles,” you felt a tear run down your cheek.

One thing you didn’t know while you hoped and prayed for Jake to get here quickly to save you and his kids, was that your mate was hunting nearby. He just happened to hear all the commotion and sneaked over to watch what was happening, seeing you made him want to jump in and help you. However, Tsu’tey waited he loved seeing how you handled these situations, at least he was there if things went downhill.

When he watched that man pull you up by your que he flinched and seethed, he wanted to jump in to save you. Yet, he knew that would make things worse so again he watched the scene unfold, he listened as you spoke English. That was the first time he ever heard you speak it, he kind of forgot that it was your first language. He hated hearing you speak it and not to mention you and that man spoke in words he had never heard before and he was so lost and confused. You looked angry and so did the man, Tsu’tey wanted to run in there, yet his body kept him held back, he couldn’t take it.

Then he watched the tear fall down your cheek, that man made you cry and he was going to pay. Tsu’tey jumped out of the forest with a war cry, he shot arrows into the chests of the people surrounding you and the ones holding the kids. Quaritch kept a firm hold on your braid and used you as a meat shield, you stared at your mate with passion.

“Who might this be? You rope someone else into a situationship?”

“We are mated, dipshit.”

He cackled, “I’m surprised someone wanted you.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

Tsu’tey kept his bow trained on Quaritch, neither you nor Quaritch saw the person coming up behind you. It was Jake, he put Quaritch in a headlock, Quaritch let you go to try and pull the arms around his neck off. Neytiri gathered the kids and ensured their safety, you had to face a piece of your past today, one that you wanted to bury the most. Not only did you have to come to terms with the fact that you were at one point against the people you love, but you were also so in love with the worst person for you.

Tsu’tey treated you properly, he was kind and caring and loved you till the end of the earth. He really was the perfect mate to have for anybody and he chose you and you knew so much about him and you only let him know what you wanted him to know. Human life was ugly and dark and Pandora wasn’t like that, you didn’t want him to have to see that. Yet, you knew that mating with him showed him what life was like for you, but stories were different than that.

Jake had knocked Quaritch out and you all left safely for now, you all flew back to home base.

“I can’t believe you let them go to the old shack,” Jake was chewing you out.

“I mean I missed it and I knew it was bad but I didn’t think it was the end of the world. Quaritch being there was not something foreseeable.”

“What were you two talking about?” Tsu’tey asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I listened for a while; I don’t know most of the words that you spoke.”

“Nothing. He was just being a prick.”

“You were speaking English?” Jake asked.

“Obviously.”

“I didn’t think you still did that. You never talk to me in English?”

“Cause you need to learn the language.”

“What was he saying?”

“Well, he’s looking for you. He remembered me. He thought I was dead which I guess makes sense. Norm said my profile says I’m KIA.”

“You two used to be close but I’m still surprised he cared.”

“Oh, he doesn’t.”

“You were close with that demon?” Tsu’tey asked.

“Briefly. He was close with my father so I saw him a lot.”

“Your father? What was he like? You never talk of your family.”

“That’s because being human sucks and it's shitty. Life for us was dark. My father was an asshat and that’s all that needs to be said about him.”

“You need to stop getting yourself into danger,” Tsu’tey said pulling you into his side.

Jake smiled at you, “you got to have kids then you’ll be less inclined to go running off.”

“Hasn’t stopped you,” you smirk at Jake.

“And it never will.”

Lo’ak walked up to you three and he wanted to talk with his dad, he looked like he had an important question. Jake excused himself for a moment to talk to his son, “what is it?”

“I don’t know what it means but I heard that guy say it, what does pussy mean?” Lo’ak butchered the pronunciation but it was enough to get the point across to his father.

Jake’s eyebrows furrowed, “don’t say that word. It's not a good word to say. Don’t let your mother hear it either, she’ll kill both of us.”

“Yeah, but what does it mean?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.”

Lo’ak sighed deeply and walked off as he did Jake walked over to you and pulled you by your arm. He wanted you away from Tsu’tey, he knew that this was going to get a little ugly.

“Do you want to tell me why my son asked me what Pussy meant? He said he heard Quaritch say it to you.”

Your eyes widened, “umm...”

“What happened between you two?”

“Before I was forced into the Avatar Program, I would train with Quaritch. He was a better father than my real one. Then things got sexual especially as I was in the Avatar Program. He would say a lot of things to me, and give me orders to follow to get the Na’vi people to do things. I did them because he was nice to me, I thought he liked me. But that was decades ago now. Not long after you joined, he and I broke it off, and I realized my father and him were conspiring against me and lying to me. I love the Na’vi people and I wasn’t just going to fuck them over.”

“So, what did Quaritch say to you back there?”

You felt a tear threaten to fall, “nothing.”

“Clearly it’s not nothing.”

Tsu’tey walked up to you both as he saw his mate in distress.

“What is happening here?” Tsu’tey asked.

“He said he didn’t lie about everything. He tried to prove a point by saying that he didn’t lie about my body. He was just trying to get to me.”

“Can you two speak so I’ll understand,” Tsu’tey was frustrated.

“That man that held me captive back there.”

Tsu’tey nodded.

“We used to be intimate when I was human. He said that it meant nothing and it was never real. Although I knew that, I know that, it still hurts. He showed me love I had never experienced. But now I have you and no one has ever been as kind or nice to me. I’ve never been happier in all my years.“

Tsu’tey was quiet momentarily, then he pulled you in and kissed you.

“I am glad you opened up and told me. I will kill that man next time I see him.”

“Please,” you said kissing him again.

Also posted on my Ao3 - Bakcmuscles

[apieceofmi]

STRANGERS

Noah Sebastian x Reader

Summary: Two strangers on a train.

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I hate weekends in my hometown. I hate the person that I’m there and how everybody already has an opinion formed about who I am, there's no possibility of change when I'm in that place. But it's family… And we are supposed to visit family, right?

Sometimes I think the weight in my chest when I left isn't worth it. 

I'm already on the train coming back to where I live now, but I still can't take my mind out of that place. Flashbacks of moments that I lived in the past three days keep coming for every word that I read in the book that I’m trying to finish. Everything that I can think about is: how can people that I love so much can be so mean? 

Silly girl, she doesn't do anything right.

Did she win a prize? Well, but that one doesn't matter.

She's feeling too much, seeing things where they do not exist.

Silly girl, you are never gonna be enough.

“What are you reading?” A throaty voice takes me out of my thoughts. My eyes flew to the man sitting opposite of me, something on his face tells me that the question was unexpected for him too.

“Uh?” I ask, even if I understand what he says, maybe giving him a chance to just pretend that nothing happened. But now all the unexpected things are gone in his posture, the corners of his mouth turning up.

“You already stopped three times now, so I'm guessing that it's embarrassing or really bad that you can't even continue?” he speculates. “Just got me curious about what you're reading.”

I chuckle, shaking my head.

“A romance. A good one, but…” I sighed, looking down at my e-reader. “I'm just not in the mood, I think.”

When I look back at him and our gaze connects, it's like something changes in the air. His dark brown eyes studied me and I feel my heart racing. I don't know what, but something is happening here. Some detail on his face gives me the impression that I've already known him. Dark brown hair, pale skin covered with tattoos, he's obviously beautiful, but… These eyes tickle my heart. It's almost too comfortable. It just feels… right.

Jesus Christ, am I going crazy?

I'm not the kind of person who talks with anyone, I'm the opposite of an extrovert actually, but I don't want - don't even think that I can - ignore his presence and pretend that nothing happened. So I make words come out of my mouth, transforming any chance that I see in him into a subject.

“What are you listening to?” I ask, noticing that he's wearing earbuds.

“Nothing. I put this on so people don’t talk to me.” He grins. “You should try this next time.”

My eyebrows rise and a teasing smile forms on my lips. 

“Right, so strangers on a train don't start conversations with me.”

“Yes, people are so inconvenient these days.” He mocked. “Like, it's the first time that I take this train but If I knew it was so well attended, I would take it more often. Even though I'm just passing around this area… But you don't want to know about this”

“No.” I laugh, biting my lip. “Actually, it's the first time that this train is well attended, if you randomly want to know.”

He adjusted in his seat, crossing his arms with a pleasing look on his face. 

“So, you take this very often?” His question is a snap of the fingers, reminding me of where I am and why I'm on this train one more time. My smile slowly fades. “Yes. More than I want.” 

He's quick, changing the subject and dragging me to talk about things that I normally don't talk about with strangers. The time flies and I wish I could stop the world from spinning just for a little more of this moment.

Two hours later, when we arrive, all I can think about is: how can a person that I met less than a day make me feel better than someone that I had known my entire life?

The conversation slowly fades while we arrange the baggage that we have with us so we can leave. I stand, thinking how to say goodbye. 

“Hey” he shouts and I look at him. “Can you tell me your name?”

I force a smile, feeling my whole world crashing inside when all my insecurities involve me in a tight embrace that I have no choice or escape. I like the way he looks at me and I don't want to ruin that image. Sometimes - every day - I have this feeling that I’m invisible. Everybody passes through me and doesn't notice, too ordinary to stain a life. If he gets to know me, whatever we create here, it's going to vanish. The voice is back whispering in my ear. “You have the personality of a door, nobody remembers you.”

A memory worth more than a disappointment? 

A mystery certainly does.

“You're a good trip partner, stranger” I said, then left.

Stupid girl, you should have said your name. 

Three months have passed since that day, I've already taken this train more times than I should. Every single time I remember him, hoping that the universe gives me one more chance.

I keep looking at the door, he never comes back.

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Author’s note: I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, english isn't my first language. I hope you like it. xx

Part two

[turnin9pag3]

‼️THIS IS NOT ABOUT HARRY POTTER‼️ (again)

how am i supposed to want people that arent him. for 9 months he was all i could think about. all i cared about. i made up an alter for him in my mind and prayed to it every night formulating my own religion of thought. but then it ended and i realized that i was devoted to not a god but a man. a normal regular man. but now i forever chase the feeling i got when that god looked down upon me. i don’t know if i will ever feel as strongly for anyone. we didn’t even date yet i still attempt to move on from what was never there. how do you grieve what didn’t exist? is it truly dead if it never lived? at night before i go to sleep i call upon his so said to be divine form and am left with crickets to console my cries. my infatuation was built on a lie. the idea of him was more entertaining than the execution of his reality. but how am i supposed to cope when other boys text me and i text back but i don’t scroll through our messages when the conversation concludes. i don’t keep their notifications on my phone for weeks after just so i can light up every time i see their name. and i don’t have ever reeling lists of everything i love about them in my mind. and i have not had a single thought unplagued by him even months after the initial crush has ended. i am forever sick with him and that is a disease i fest cannot be cured with any material medicine.