#how i've been acting lately....it disgusts me. love is not who i am. it's not what is best for me.

[amorgansgal]

Practice Makes Perfect

So here we go! At long last, I've finished my fic and I loved writing this one so much! Just to ensure absolute clarity I'm kind of seeing the academy as a university, so everyone here is over the age of 20 and somehow I've pegged Gale as a complete slut evidently!

Gale x Fat Female Reader

CW: Sexual content, Oral sex

‘I really don’t think this is a good idea,’ you desperately whisper to your friend, Nira, who is dragging you through the mahogany panelled library where absurdly high bookshelves tower above you both.

The library is quieter in the late afternoons and evenings, there are only a few students either absorbed in the small mountains of books that surround them or are busily writing out long essays, the familiar, comforting sound of turning pages and the scratch of pen against paper fills the large room. As you pass the candlesticks the wicks catch alight, now that the room is getting gloomier and the sky is darkening. The sun is sinking low in the sky, casting the last rays of golden light to be dispersed through the diamond patterned windows. The dark wooden floorboard underneath your feet glitters with the thrumming magic that spills from the books in the room and the stunning reds, golds and oranges of the last light of the day.

‘Don’t be such a wet blanket,’ Nira hisses in response. ‘Besides, I thought you were interested.’

‘I am,’ you insist, though a hot blush still creeps up your cheeks. ‘But I don’t want to be mocked or for him to judge me.’

‘He’s not going to judge you. From what I heard he quite likes…’ she hesitates, pursing her lips as though wanting to find the right way of putting it.

‘Fat women?’ you prompt.

She sighs. ‘I was going to say ladies with larger thighs, but sure, fat women.’

‘You promise me, he won’t laugh or-’

‘He’s not going to laugh and if he does I’ll fireball him right in his face.’

You bite back a laugh at the thought and Nira grins at you, then continues, ‘Besides, I’ve had the joy of experiencing Gale’s tongue and it’s well worth it. Honestly, I wish he was interested in properly dating someone, because I’d throw my hat in the ring, so many men act like the whole thing is disgusting. Oh but we’re expected to suck them off whenever, even if their dicks stink like piss!’

You smile, it’s been a complaint of Nira ever since she got to experience Gale’s tongue and you’ve heard all about his ability non-stop since. Most of the girls in your class have talked about it. You’re surprised they’re not jealous of one another or are trying to win him over, but he apparently doesn’t seem to care about entering a serious relationship and is just happy to oblige his classmates’ desires. You had your concerns though that he would not be interested in you. You’d always been on the larger size, your mother certainly didn’t help matters by pointedly making remarks about how most people associated female magic users with beautiful, ethereal waif like creatures. No one thought of dumpy little witches unless they were old and ugly. You did your best to shrug off comments like that but it still stung and you felt like you had to work twice as hard as your classmates just to be given any forethought or attention from either your peers or your teachers.

Gale, when you had occasion to work with him, was refreshingly respectful, kind and seemed to actually see you. You’d grown almost accustomed to any man’s gaze immediately drifting past you and onto your thinner friends. If it didn’t happen so often you might have even been angry about it, but you didn’t really see the point. So consequently your experience with men was rather limited. You’d been kissed, sure, but it was such a fumbling, innocent mess of a kiss you weren’t quite sure whether to count it. You’d touch yourself but you always felt a bit embarrassed about it and sometimes your own self-doubts would turn you off. So it was usually a rushed affair and didn’t quite leave you fully satisfied.

‘Ah, there you are,’ Nira says as you reach the end of the library where instead of desks and rigid back chairs there are soft, plush sofas nestled in alcoves and you see Gale look up at your approach. He gives you both a warm smile and you immediately feel that this whole thing is a horrible, terrible idea. Your feet slow and Nira is practically dragging you over. Your heart is thudding in your chest, the blood rushing in your ears, and it feels like your throat is about to close up. Gale is handsome. He has foppish brown hair that tickles the back of his neck. His eyes are a warm, deep brown. His easy going smile is inviting. And you feel all your weight, the soft plumpness of your belly, your thighs catching slightly on chairs and tables as you walk over. He is going to say no, he is going to look at you like you are disgusting and repulsive and how could you even think he would want to give you pleasure?

‘Good afternoon, Nira,’ he says and inclines his head in greeting. ‘To what do I owe the pleasure?’

‘Well, it’s not so much pleasure you owe me!’ Nira says with a grin and tosses her head at you. ‘You remember Y/N, right?’

‘Of course, I still am very resentful you soundly beat me in my alchemy test!’’ he says, though there’s no malice in the tone as his smile widens and his eyes glimmer with mischief. 

‘Well, she’s heard what you like to do.’

Gale laughs, and for a moment your heart seizes in terror. ‘Really? Am I getting that kind of reputation?’ he asks, though you can see he’s quite proud of such a reputation.

Nira rolls her eyes. ‘Oh come off it Gale, you’ve practically had every girl in the classroom that way and we all talk about it!’

His eyes flick back to you and a shiver runs down your spine. The pupils in his eyes have widened and you’re quite certain it has nothing to do with the gloom of the library. He wets his lips and you’re almost scared of the way he’s looking at you… he’s looking at you with desire and your silly heart doesn’t quite know what to make of it. But then he clears his throat and gives you another sweet, winning smile.

‘And I take it you’re interested in allowing me to practise? Because if you’re not and Nira has just dragged you here when you don’t like the idea, then please don’t be bullied into it. I’m very happy to have a chance to work on my technique, but I don’t like the idea of someone being less than enthusiastic,’ he says and his gaze is entirely focused on you, and you almost don’t want to look at him because it’s so startling being treated like an object of desire. But you manage to keep your head raised and your eyes fixed on him.

‘Yes, I do… I am interested,’ you say. ‘If you’re… um… interested in me, you don’t have to if it would prove distasteful.’

That same wicked, mischievous gleam is back and he draws closer to you. ‘I am interested and I assure you, it never proves distasteful, quite the contrary in fact.’

‘Gods, should I just turn my back or are you going to wait until you’ve gone somewhere more private?’ Nira asks and you flush at her words, though Gale lets out another burst of laughter.

‘I would assume my room would be preferable,’ he says to you. ‘Though Lucia and I did make use of that corner over there,’ he gestures to a table tucked into a corner by a bookshelf and you inhale quickly, imagining your hands holding tightly onto the shelves, your butt on the table and Gale’s head between your thighs. You bite you lip and press your legs together, there is no denying the desire that courses through you at the thought of the risk that would be, the possibility of being caught, though you would find it mortifying. It’s better to not get ahead of yourself and you nod.

‘I would prefer the privacy of your room,’ you say, and Gale offers his hand to you. It takes you a moment for you to take it, but he gives your fingers a gentle squeeze and then puts the book he was holding back on the shelf. 

‘I assume we should go there now, unless you have prior plans,’ he says to you. Were it any other man you would have assumed he might be trying to put you off, but it sounds like he genuinely cares about whether or not you’re busy.

‘No, no, we can go there now,’ you say, then glance away because of how embarrassingly eager you sound.

‘Good,’ Gale says and takes hold of your hand more firmly. Nira catches your eye and smiles as he begins to walk by her.

‘Have fun!’ she says.

‘See you later, Nira,’ Gale says to her, you only manage a nod as you feel rather tongue tied.

***

Gale’s room is definitely cleaner than some of the guys’ rooms you had seen within the dormitory rooms of Blackstaff Academy. Oh, there’s robes tossed over chairs, the desk is littered with books, papers, quills, an open box of herbs and crystals and sublimates. But there’s no forgotten plates or dirty cups. Gale’s room actually smells quite good too, a faint hint of bergamot and cedar. He pulls out the chair in front of the desk and turns it around to face the bed, then gestures for you to sit in the chair. You sit down, nervously placing your hands in front of your belly, suddenly feeling self-conscious. Gale closes the bedroom door, then sits down on the bed opposite you.

‘So, now that Nira isn’t around, you definitely want to do this? He asks.

You nod, your throat feels very dry and tight. Gale smiles at you softly. ‘Just want to check, as I say, don’t want to do this with anyone who has doubts. I’d like to ask you a few things first.’

You nod again and curse yourself for losing all sense of any wit or wisdom you once had in your brain! But Gale is relaxed and begins work on removing his boots. ‘First, easy one, do you want me to lock the door or just have it closed. I’m sure you know I have a tressym and she comes and goes as she pleases, and while she’s respectful and polite, I don’t put it past some of our classmates not to barge in!’

You think about it carefully, then say, ‘Lock the door please.’

He casts arcane lock on the door and then grins at you, you can’t help smiling back. ‘And you know knock, so you want to get out you’re free to go whenever you want,’ he says, the implication runs underneath, you’re in control, what you say goes, if you don’t like it you can go and there won’t be any hurt feelings. You feel rather touched he’s going to all this effort.

‘Next question, would you prefer to be partially clothed or entirely naked? When I do this I do quite enjoy touching my partner everywhere, but your comfort is more important than what I find enjoyable,’ Gale says.

You look away, you still feel self-conscious about your belly and you can’t imagine Gale would want to touch the soft, fleshy weight of it, let alone even see it! ‘I’ll keep my blouse on, if that’s alright,’ you mutter.

His two fingers catch under your chin and he lifts your head. ‘It’s fine by me, but it’s more important that it’s what you find alright, your comfort comes first. Now, biggest and hardest question,’ he says, smiling. ‘Can I kiss you or would you rather I didn’t and just work my magic between your legs?’

‘Yes,’ you whisper, your eyes are captured entirely by his and your voice sounds faint. ‘You can kiss me.’

His hand slips down your cheek, lightly resting against your neck, his fingers curve round your head and he pulls you forward. His mouth finds yours and he kisses you sweetly at first, tentative, gentle, as though he is worried you might flinch away, but nothing could be further from the truth. Your heart hammers in your chest and you feel like you might forget to breathe. Your hand hesitantly goes to his chest, you don’t want to push your luck, but he instead presses his free hand over yours and you can feel the warmth of him bleeding through his shirt. He lets out a groan and then pulls away from you, breathing hard and certainly wearing an expression of wanting to eat you up. 

‘Sorry,’ he says. ‘If I’m not careful I’ll get carried away!’

You wonder what ‘carried away’ might entail, given what you’re about to do. But you don’t have much time to think about it, he helps you up from the chair and unties the laces of your skirt. He tugs it down over your hips and you watch him bite his lip when your thighs come into view, he’s utterly focused on your legs and his hand reaches out eagerly, but he seems to collect himself to not just grab a meaty handful. Gale gently strokes down your thigh and guides you to the bed, grabbing the pillows and putting them behind your back. He removes the slippers that had been on your feet, tossing them off into a corner of the room and seems to admire the stockings you wear, though they aren’t particularly sexy you think, just the fairly standard academy uniform ones. Once you’re comfortable, he returns to looking at your legs, he traces his fingers up from your ankles to just behind your knees, making you shiver. You still feel a bit embarrassed about Gale seeing you like this, of opening your legs so he can see all of you.

Gale catches your eye and smiles. He leans down and kisses you, that same sweet, soft kiss. ‘You alright?’ he whispers.

‘Mmhm,’ you manage, well at least you made a sound this time. Gale chuckles quietly.

‘You look so beautiful,’ he says, then trails kisses down your mouth, your jaw and neck, nipping at your ear and making you gasp as the hot little jolt of pleasure soars through you. You decide to ignore that him saying you’re beautiful is probably both something he says to all the girls who come to him for this and also definitely a lie in your case.

He scoots down the bed and slowly pulls apart your legs, his stare is so intense you have to close your eyes. His fingers skim up your legs, his nails stroke down your thighs, until they reach the crease between them and your mound. 

‘Hmm pretty,’ he says, and he pulls his right hand away for a moment. You open your eyes to see him with his thumb in his mouth that he pulls out with a pop and then he places it against your clit and circles it. The sensation makes you gasp and arch up, though you still cover your belly with your arm. Gale lets out another tight groan and suddenly lies down between your legs, his fingers still play with your clit, feather-light touches sliding down to your entrance and teasing it, then going back up making you bite your lip hard to not let out a sound.

‘You can make as much noise as you like, in fact I’d rather you do,’ he says, then brings one of your thighs over his shoulder. Your eyes flicker open as he presses kisses against it. He nips at the sensitive skin, a playful, teasing bite. ‘It tells me if I’m doing a good job.’

He keeps kissing down your thigh and suddenly he’s at the apex, his hungry dark eyes watching you intently, you can feel his breath on your nether regions, your belly feels tight and it’s all you can do to both stay on the bed exactly where you are or beg him to relieve you of the growing ache and need for something. He gives you one quick, delicious smile and then buries himself between your thighs. You don’t know what to expect, but his warm tongue darting out, circling your clit and then more firmly suckling it makes you feel like a hot jolt of electricity zapped through your body. The pleasure is mind melting and Gale is all to happy to apparently drown in you, his mouth and lips and tongue… You forget yourself, forget all your shame, the hatred of your body, the disgust you feel with yourself, and surrender yourself utterly to pleasure. 

He’s good, too good. He seems to cotton on quickly to what you like, how best to draw out every bit of pleasure, everything that makes your toes curl, that tighten the muscles in your thighs, that makes you instinctively grasp a handful of his brown hair between your hands and he keeps bringing you to the peak of pleasure over and over, until you see stars in your eyes and feel so lost to it all, so desperate you wind up babbling and pleading for him to let you cum.

‘Please Gale, please, please, don’t stop, please don’t stop. I need it, I need it so badly!’

You feel his laughter vibrate through his body, but finally, mercifully, he acquiesces and you are undone by pleasure, it roars through your body like a furnace, his tongue still maddeningly teasing your clit and you are left almost sobbing on the bed, uncaring of the warm gush between your legs, the air not filling your lungs enough, the world feels dizzy and spectacular and glorious. His head pops up and you can’t help the laugh you let slip at his slightly dazed, but altogether thoroughly pleased expression. 

‘You need to taste yourself,’ he insists, and he kisses you again fiercely, his tongue sliding into your mouth and you do. It’s not a bad taste to your surprise, musky and a little tart, but intoxicating and sweet. Once he’s satisfied he raises his head, though he’s still lying on top of you, he rests his forehead against yours and sighs contentedly. His chin and small beard is soaked through. ‘How was that?’ he asks.

It takes you a moment to clear your throat and find your voice, but more because you’ve been done in, not because you are flustered. ‘Good, very, very good. Thank you.’

‘No, thank you,’ he says, and you let out a breath of laughter that he’s still ever the gentleman. He gets to his feet, grabs an empty basin and a cloth, and comes back to your side. He fills the bowl with warm water using a prestidigitation spell and starts work cleaning you up, tenderly washing you down, though you almost feel a little disappointed you couldn’t keep the slick between your thighs. There’s already a delightful prickling sensation from where his beard rubbed against your legs.

He helps you to your feet, then picks up your skirt, giving it a little shake to remove any dust and holding it open for you to step in. ‘I can manage to dress myself,’ you say.

‘I know, didn’t doubt that, Miss beats-me-soundly-at-alchemy,’ he teases. ‘But I like doing this.’

He brings over your shoes and insists on helping you with those too, having you sit back down on the bed as he puts them on your feet. You have a feeling it might just be because he gets to touch your legs once more.

‘You have the best legs,’ he murmurs. 

You let out a snort of laughter. ‘Given how many you’ve apparently seen, I doubt that!’

But he vehemently shakes his head. ‘I mean it, the best legs in the whole school. If you ever wish for another time I’d be happy to oblige, but I’d quite like it if you sat on my face.’

‘Gale, I’d squish you or break your nose!’ you say.

His eyes gleam at the thought. ‘Well worth the risk!’ He gets to his feet, then offers you a hand and after helping you up, he turns your hand over and presses a kiss to the knuckles. ‘Please come back any time.’

You shiver with delight at the thought, but simply nod and leave the room.

***

Of course Nira wants all the juicy, sordid details and you spend the better part of the evening quietly whispering and giggling in your dormitory room as you recount it. She does seem surprised though when you mention that Gale had asked if he could kiss you.

‘Really? He didn’t ask to kiss me,’ she muses, then gives a shrug. ‘Maybe that’s just something new he does, though I swear Jacanthe was just before you and she didn’t talk about him kissing her. I’ll have to ask her at breakfast.’

It’s an odd, trivial notion you’re sure, but you can’t help the pleased little smile at the thought that maybe, just maybe he had solely wanted to kiss you. But you dismiss it, Gale could have any women at the academy and you know better than to get swept away with the idea that maybe his feelings ran deeper for you than anyone else!

[prodbyton]

the way you LITERALLY READ MY MIND WITH THE PERV!SEUNGHAN YOU WROTE???? like, i had "perv!Seunghan = 24/7 hornball; "i need you right now"" jotted down in my notes 🧍🏾‍♀️ kinda crazy how you looked into my brain, but i love it!!

recently, i've been giving perv!Anton maybe a little bit too much thought. i already decided that it had to do with taking pictures bc DUHHHH 🤪 Anton loves taking pictures of you. all. the. time. you don't mind bc you love posing for him (foreshadowing :D). any time you're together he takes at least 40 pictures of you and usually sends them immediately so you can keep your insta current.

you dressed up for a little morning date in a cute and maybe a little short skirt, but you two ended up spending the whole day together. it was so late you decided to stay over. he was distracted by whatever he was doing on his laptop, and you had to beg for the pictures he took (like full-on send it to me Rachel!! 😫). he tossed his phone to you without missing a beat.

you open the photo gallery and just before you tap the first picture of yourself, you see an album with a puppy. it was so cute you thought "oh, maybe Anton has a whole album of cute animals!" you tap it and immediately your jaw hits the floor. the first photo was a shot right up the skirt you were currently wearing. you quickly composed yourself and continued to scroll. there were so many pictures of your ass and cleavage, it made your head spin. and the occasional shot of your bare pussy from the hot nights you slept in only one of Anton's shirts didn't go unnoticed. you eventually sent the clothed pictures of yourself to your phone and acted like nothing happened. that's when the constant posing started.

you started wearing skirts and dresses more and dropping things more often. every time you get up after bending over, Anton's ears get so red. one day you decided to give Anton the special treat of a short skirt paired with no panties. when you did your usual extended bend-over, Anton very quickly excused himself. he damn near sprinted to the bathroom. you followed him because why not.

you stood outside the bathroom and could faintly hear him whisper to himself something along the lines of "i shouldn't keep doing this. she'll be so mad at me". the whispers soon turned into moans whimpers and the wet sound of Anton fucking his hand. you stood there the whole time just listening. this was probably the hottest moment of your relationship that didn't last long enough. the door swung open and he was so red in the face when he saw you. his eyes were wide and watery as he searched for something to say.

-🎀 (i am once again asking the universe for a man who is obsessed with me and is Anton)

im glad we’re on the same page abt perv hani, but i lowkey wanna hear your thoughts now 🙈 but thats just cuz seunghan makes me crazy

PERV ANTONNNN im doing backflips. been waiting for this one fr 🫦 but ugh he’s definitely the type to sneak pics. he has you and everyone fooled with the dog as the thumbnail trick so no one would suspect a thing. but you’re just a girl and if you see a photo album with a cute animal on it ofc you’d click on it :/ but then you see what your boyfriends been doing behind your back and you don’t know what to feel.

any normal person would be disgusted, it was perverted and just nasty to put your take photos of your girlfriends panties under her dress/skirt, using his height to his advantage so he can get better cleavage photos, keeping his phone by his side to get various shots of your ass, all behind your back. but you can’t help but be a little turned on. your boyfriend was so obsessed and attracted to you that he felt like he had to sneak to get a few panty shots.

i think if you gave him photos of your body he would appreciate them soo much, but something about sneaking them and getting them during candid moments just made the photos sexier for him. he even has his live photo setting on so he can play the 2 second clip of you bending over while he’s jerking off.

you had already found out about his little secret, but when you decide you wanted to catch him in the act you knew you had to think of a plan. when he sees you outside the bathroom door you play it off as you were just checking on him since you needed to go after him, and he tries to calm his racing heart from the idea of being caught.

it’s not until later when you ask for his phone, an innocent request and it’s not like he would ever hide his phone from you. you said you just wanted to play games on his phone while he watched whatever was on tv. he wasn’t even thinking about moving his little folder into his hidden before handing you his device, but he didn’t think you’d be going into his photo library if you were playing games.

after a bit, you open his camera and start taking selfies and this shouldn’t be an issue, anton loves when you do this, he loves having photos of you in his phone, but he was so nervous of you opening his camera roll. he got tense, suddenly wanting his phone back and you raised a brow at him but ignored him. you played it off by saying you wanted to look back on the photos you took so you could send them to yourself. now he’s praying that you dont notice that one specific folder when you open the photos app.

but you do. and anton feels like he’s going to throw up.

“you have a folder of animals? thats so cute how come you never send me these?”

“it just slipped my mind i guess…” he chuckles nervously and runs a hand through his hair, and then everything hits the fan the second your finger clicks on the icon.

all the photos he had of you in compromised positions, up your skirt, down your shirt, and just full on naked photos of your weak body after you two had sex was on display. you pretended to be shocked, like you hadn’t already discovered the folder some days ago, but anton was a mess trying to explain himself. strings of apologies leaving his lips and he’s basically on his knees begging for your forgiveness. you just cup his face in your hand, rubbing soothing circles on his cheek with your thumb.

he looked super hot like this, so pathetic under your touch begging for you to forgive him and to not think he’s some sick pervert. but you reassure him that it’s okay, and he can continue taking all the pictures he wants of you.

[rpmemes-galore]

Sabrina Carpenter : emails i can’t send fwd album ... sentence starters

"Don't say sorry, now."

"Oh, you're so vicious."

"It was all so innocent."

"I can't read your mind."

"You miss me? No duh."

"You want me? I'm done."

"And if I do, then I blame you."

"Why you gotta be so vicious?"

"So why do you look so happy?"

"I like the way you like to laugh."

"Bet you wanna touch me, now."

"I've quietly carried your burden."

"Everyone thinks you're an angel."

"You're lucky I'm a private person."

"I get nice guys and villainize them."

"Oh, so you can reply, just to not me."

"And thanks to you, I can't love right."

"Were you lyin' to me and the family?"

"I still make excuses for you constantly."

"I'll drive you home, you drive me crazy."

"One year, ten thousand bad moments."

"Say it's hard, but you make it look easy."

"There’s no hiding from the thought of us."

"When I saw you cry, I didn't handle it well."

"You wanna discuss? Ugh, you disgust me."

"Oh, so you do have a type and it's not me."

"Yeah, I say I'm done, but I'm still confused."

"Your signals are mixed, you act like a bitch."

"And I tried to look for the best in the worst."

"Your corner in my mind is well-established."

"I wish we stayed just like we were up there."

"Didn't think about it when you let me down."

"But like, fuck me, that caused a commotion."

"I can't help myself when you get close to me."

"Tell me who I am, guess I don't have a choice."

"And God, I love you, but you're such a dipshit."

"I'm not catastrophizing, everything's derailing."

"It's times like these, wish I had a time machine."

"You're not my friend and, baby, you never were."

"Give me a second to forget I evеr really meant it."

"You don't feel remorse, you don't feel the effects."

"He's good for my heart, but he's bad for business."

"After the aftermath, I know you'll be coming back."

"Tell me I was more than just a decent opportunity."

"Don't think I'll find forgiveness as fast as mom did."

"You're good at impersonating someone who cares."

"Don't make me cuss you out, why'd you let me down?"

"Without you here, I don't know what to do with myself."

"I feel so much lighter, like a feather, with you off my mind."

"Or maybe I believed in all your lies, 'cause I believed in you."

"If I fall in love with all my problems, will they leave me, too?"

"'Cause you don't think you hurt me if you wish me the best."

"I'm too late to be your first love, but I'll always be your favorite."

"I think he's onto me every time I say I'm over that son of a bitch."

"I wonder how many things you think about before you get to me."

"If I could convince him, if he doesn't see it, then maybe it doesn't exist."

"But now you're takin' up my nights. Never been so glad to be so tired."

"How am I supposed to close the door when I still need the closure?"

"Well, this was really nice. Maybe we should do this on purpose sometime."

"You say that you need to be alone, but night and day, want me at your beck and call."

"And everyone thinks you're an angel... But shit, I would probably use different wording."

[pells-beautiful-wife]

Shattered hearts and bottles

Zoro x reader

Warnings:angst, angst without comfort, drinking, arguing, established relationship, breakups

I'm so, so, sorry but yall are suffering with me

Inspired by this song:

He knew he should have been softer. Should have listened to you. But it was too late now.

Your argument still stung his heart as it replayed in his head, as if the first time hadn't been painful enough.

He clenched his fists tight. Slamming his left hand into the wall leaving a huge dent.

It hurt more knowing you would stay with sanji out of spite.

He could hear you both know. He knew you wouldn't cheat you weren't like that.

Why did he have to get so mad?

He lifted the bottle back up to his lips taking a lengthy glug.

He moved his legs slightly the countless empty glass bottles clinking together.

It took a lot to get zoro drunk and right now he was cursing that fact.

He wished the alcohol would wash away the image of your hurt angry face.

Wished the alcohol could take away the fact that he was the reason for that expression.

You and sanji had just been cooking, and he had to get all protective over you, well fuck him.

"What do I do now ive added the chicken?" You'd fretted.

"Calm down love, just add the stock and stir it."

"Oh ok."

"Whats this?" He'd asked.

"Oh sanji was just teaching me to cook?" You'd replied innocently.

"Oh he was?"

"I'm sorry is there an issue?"

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" He'd felt the rage stur in his stomach.

"What?"

"You know what just keep flirting with shitty brows."

"Flirting? No zoro we were just cooking."

"Oh so that's what you call this?"

"Yes because that's what it is," you'd stiffened going on the defensive. "Do you think I'm lying?"

"Yes."

"Why? What have I ever done to make me unloyal in your eyes?"

"I-"

"No I don't wanna hear it. Why are you so... frustrating?"

"Me? Woman have you met yourself?"

"Yes I have but I've also sadly met you, and with how your acting right now I wish I never had!"

"How am I acting then?"

"Like an incompetent child denied a toy,"

"At least I'm not flirting with some third rate cook."

"Neither am I!"

He had scoffed, causing you to place your hands on your hips eyebrows high.

"If you have something to say say it!" You spat.

"Why bother, your obviously to bussy with him, you know what why dont you just fuck him while your at it."

"Zoro!" Sanji warned.

"And you, stay away from her, the only thing your good for is food, fucking remember it."

"Zoro leave sanji out of this."

"I'd love to but your the one you fucked him into this!"

"Omg do you even have a brain in there, or is it just as empty as your heart!"

"At least I have a heart, bitch!" He'd regretted that instantly. But that hadn't stopped him. "Why are you even here you can't fight, you can't think and you most certainly can't fuck!"

"Me? Zoro you can barely take two steps without getting lost! All you do is sleep, to be honest all you do is take up space!"

"And your just a whore!" He spat.

"I can't believe I fell in love with you," you'd said in disgust.

"You love me?"

"NO! NO I DONT! NOT ANYMORE!" Her face stained with tears.

"You don't mean that?"

"Try me!"

"Whos acting like a child now!"

"Leave us alone zoro."

"No I'm not leaving you alone with him," he had pointed to sanji.

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!" then she'd thrown the wine bottle.

The shards of glass didn't hurt half as much as her words.

His heart hurt.

You'd confessed your love in that argument.

But had zoro ruined things?

That moment wasn't what he expected he'd never considered being in love with you but now, after that he realised he did.

He was madly inlove with you and he worried that now you'd realised you didn't love him afterall.

He felt suffocated, he had been rendered blind to all but his thoughts and the bottle in his hand.

His tears run free down his cheeks and trickling down the glass of the bottle.

His eyes stung slightly.

Oh how he wished you were here to hold. Here on his lap nesting into his chest as he burrowed his face in your hair.

He instinctively wrapped his arms tighter but finding nothing but himself.

He sobbed into his elbow. Tucking his knees up higher.

In his head he could hear you voice asking if he was ok. He lifted his head throwing it back against the wall his hand clutching at his shirt over his heart.

"DAMN YOU!" He cried out his tears coming thick and fast. His head throbbed but not nearly as much as his heart.

He didn't doubt everyone on the ship had heard his scream but it didn't even compare to the screaming of his heart.

He stood quickly, lobbing the still half full bottle at the wall. The throw caught him off balance and he stumbled forwards causing him to fall to his knees.

His knees stung as the bottles shattered under his weight.

No one had come to check on him, he could hear them comforting you. More proof he was in the wrong.

His strong fist thudded against the floor inpailing glass into it.

"FUCK!" He sobbed.

His head spun at his own voice, he seemed to have skipped the drunk stage and gone straight into hangover.

Grabbing another full bottle he sat back on his knees and downed that one too.

If you were here you would rub his back and scold him for drinking so much.

But you weren't and every breath he took was a sick reminder.

He needed comfort too. But he didn't deserve it. Rolling onto his back his threw his arm over his eyes sheltering his gaze from the throbbing lights. Or maybe it was his head that was throbbing.

If he could take it back he would.

You deserved better than him. Maybe Sanji could treat you better.

Sanji? What the fuck was he thinking?

He swigged his booze again.

Had he lost you forever now? You'd argued before but this felt more real. He'd never made you yell before let alone cry.

What if you really didn't want him?

He couldn't stand this, this unknowing, this turmoil.

So ignoring his pounding head, he stood leaving the bottle he stumbled through the door, down hallways until he was in the kitchen.

You were sitting on the table crying into sanjis shoulder and nami rubbed you back.

"Hey, um," he rubbed the back of his neck, not quite able to slurr out your name.

"You!" Nami seethed.

"Can I talk to her alone," he slurred slightly.

"Zoro your completely intoxicated, I don't think you want to talk to her now," sanji offered.

"I do," his gaze slipped to the floor.

You just sat there head on sanjis shoulder, listening.

"Ok but we're staying!" Nami glared at him.

He just nodded.

Sanji and nami took a couple of steps away and zoro strode over to you. Standing just a baby step away from you.

"Uum, I just- I'm sorry," he spluttered, the other two exchanged a shocked look. "I over reacted and, i shouldn't have said, any, of those things, I was just mad but not at you, at me. I guess-"

He looked away gritting his teeth fists clenched.

"I guess it made me realise I love you too!" He finished looking to you with bated breath.

You both stayed like that for what felt like hours but was probably only a few seconds.

"Zoro," you said softly, tilted your head up to his. He saw your face, scarily absent of tears. "I'm sorry but, I meant what I said."

Cold fear gripped his heart and twisted his gut.

His heart thudding in his ears as cold sweat covered him.

"I don't love you anymore," you smiled gently.

His head spun this time for a completely different reason.

"I've decided to leave, there's an island pretty close by, I'm going to stay there."

His own tears threatened to fall.

He could see himself reflected in your gorgeous eyes. The same eyes that had once looked to him with such love, now completely void of emotion.

"Oh, ok!" His voice shook as his lip wobbled. "I understand!" He wiped his eyes quickly exiting the room.

The door clicked shut behind him and he collapsed against it not bothering to hide his sobs as they echoed across the whole ship.

[caleisloading]

//TW//VENT POST//

Lately, I've been feeling weird about my sexuality. Not in the way where I'm trying to figure myself out...

For context, I'm at the extreme of the aroace

umbrella, I've never felt romantic or sexual

feelings nor wish to. I'm completely fine with

living my life as an individual with no other

prospects but friends and family. I'd even go to

say imagining myself having a romantic or

sexual relations disgusts me to no end.

And I'm confident in it, all my close friends and

people I'm introduced to quickly are told. But

I'm also genderfluid, I go by all pronouns and

three different names.

I guess the idea of identity is useless to me, I

wish to be nobody and everybody...and yet

nobody...sounds cringe, I know, but that's really

how I've felt since I was a child.

But I'm unable to tell my parents or family. I

know my mum is more than supporyive, she's

really great and the person I like best in the

entire world. But my dad's got a lot of

internalized stuff, he says a lot of slurs and

often tell him he can't say that stuff and it's

offensive. I dunno, I just wonder if they'll come

to act and feel different around me. My current

friends and siblings know and are great about it

but I've said it to a few people who turnt it to

the only thing we could talk about.

"I just don't understand it"

"But it's a hormonal thing, you've gotta get

horny"

"It's psychogical, everyone falls in love"

"I'm sure you'll fall in love one day, don't worry"

"It's just weird"

Those are the usual comments...

You won't ever understand me, because you

aren't me, I don't need your understanding I just

want respect. Respect me, my feelings, my

identities. Why does everyone need to

understand to accept??

But yeah...I've made a really great friend in

cegep, but I don't know if I should say it.

We can be friends and she not know, I've done

that before. But I don't want to hide things-!

I want to be as weird as I am and myself with

friends! But its so complicated...who'd want to

hear that, uh...?

[fullstcp]

"emails i can't send: fwd" by Sabrina Carpenter Sentence Starters

emails i can't send

"It's times like these, wish I had a time machine."

"Were you really asleep?"

"Were you lying to me and the family?"

"There's no 'us' in us when I'm lacking trust."

"You disgust me."

"Don't say sorry now."

"Thanks to you, I can't love right."

"I blame you for every worst that I assume."

"God, I love you, but you're such a dipshit."

"Please fucking fix this."

"You were all I looked up to."

"Now I can't even look at you."

VICIOUS

"You're lucky I'm a private person."

"I've quietly carried your burden."

"Everyone thinks you're an angel, but, shit, I would probably use different wording."

"Why you gotta be so vicious?"

"You just run to whoever is winning."

"Said that it was me and you for life."

"Now you're kinda acting like I died."

"You don't think you hurt me if you wish me the best."

"I loved you, but I wish I didn't."

READ YOUR MIND

"I can't read your mind."

"You say you need to be alone, but night and day, want me at your beck and call."

"You're not my friend and you never were."

"Why the fuss if you say you just wanna be mine?"

"Double checking, did I get the message in the way you intended?"

TORNADO WARNINGS

"Don't understand how quickly we get right back in our rhythm without missing a step."

"I want you there sometimes."

"I'm lying to my therapist."

because i liked a boy

"Who knew cuddling on trampolines could be so reckless?"

"It was all so innocent."

"I'm not catastrophizing, everything's derailing."

"You said I'm too late to be your first love, but I'll always be your favorite."

"And all of this for what?"

"When everything went down we'd already broken up."

ALREADY OVER

"We'd probably be better off as friends."

"Make me fall where I stand, only like you can."

"I say I'm done, but I'm still confused."

"How am I supposed to close the door when I still need closure?"

"I change my mind, but it's still on you."

"How am I supposed to leave you now that you're already over?"

"Selfishly don't wanna give you time to be on someone else's lips."

"I'll take three short hours over three long weeks pretending like we don't exist."

"I know you'll be coming back."

"I like my bed, but it likes you too."

how many things

"There's no hiding from the thought of us."

"I've got ways to find you anywhere."

"I consider you, I'm not trying to."

"Your corner in my mind is well-established."

"I wonder how many things you think about before you get to me."

"I feel myself falling further down your priorities."

I still make excuses for you constantly."

"Remember when you left once?"

"Am I not even a second thought?"

bet u wanna

"It's cold out there, let me know what you found."

"Bet you wanna love me now."

"When you don't have control of who I'm holding, is it feeding all your fears?"

"If you're satisfied, touché."

"Your so-called friends are gone."

"I bet you hate the way that you said goodbye."

"I hate the way that you left me dry."

NONSENSE

"Think I only want one number in my phone."

"I might change your contact to 'don't leave me alone'."

"Treat me like a queen, now you got me feeling thrown."

"I can't help myself when you get close to me."

"I don't want no one else."

"Looking at you got me thinking nonsense."

"I can't find my chill, I must've lost it."

"You gotta keep up with me."

"I caught that L-O-V-E."

"How do you do this to me?"

"I don't even know anymore."

FAST TIMES

"Ahead of myself's an understatement."

"What the fuck is patience?"

"Give me a second to forget I ever really meant it."

skinny dipping

"We've been swimming on the edge of a cliff."

"I'm resistant, but going down with the ship."

"It'd be so nice if we could take it all off and just exist."

"Won't that be too nostalgic?"

"We won't bring up the past, we'll keep it bureaucratic."

BAD FOR BUSINESS

"All of my friends think I've gone crazy."

"They don't know me like my baby."

"We look good in photographs."

"Now you're taking up my nights."

"I've never been so glad to be so tired."

"I'm mad for you."

"It's sad but true and I know it."

"You're on my mind."

"You stole my life and it's showing."

"You had to go and break into my head."

"I'd make all the same mistakes again."

"I know everyone sees that you'll be the death of me."

"You're good for my heart, but you're bad for business."

decode

"You're good at the falling, not the staying there."

"You're good at the giving too much, then getting scared."

"You're good at impersonating someone who cares."

"You had me for a minute there."

"Where else can we go?"

"There's nothing left here to decode."

"I'm done looking for signs in the gaps and the silence."

"There's a weight off my shoulders now that I don't chase you."

"I'm learning from you that I can walk away too."

opposite

"Oh, so you do have a type and it's not me."

"Oh, so you can reply, just to not me."

"You knew I would see that."

"You knew I would notice."

"Should I be trying to take it as a compliment?"

"Why do you look so happy?"

"Now I think I get the cause of it."

"You were holding out to find the opposite."

"When you said I'm beautiful, was I being lied to?"

FEATHER

"I feel so much lighter like a feather with you off my mind."

"Your signals are mixed, you act like a bitch."

"It feels so good not caring where you are tonight."

"I got you blocked, excited to never talk."

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

"You miss me? No duh."

LONESOME

"If I fall in love with all my problems, will they leave me too?"

"Maybe I believed in all your lies cause I believed in you."

"Why were you somewhere else when you were next to me?"

"I know you know it keeps me up."

"Did you even give a fuck?"

"There's no hope in misery."

"I can't escape your history."

"Tell me I was more than just a decent opportunity."

things i wish you said

"Sorry I left you in the dark."

"Everything reminds me of you."

"Nobody gets my jokes, everyone here thinks I'm fucking rude."

"When I saw you cry, I didn't handle it well."

"Without you here, I don't know what to do with myself."

"I saw you met somebody and I'm jealous as hell."

"I can't even fathom loving somebody else."

[wegonbealright-09]

What's wrong with jungkook

Omg. Jk has been giving me mixed signals eversince he released seven. It's like there's a spark but the wires are not connecting cause wtf. Okay so before jimin got number one on the BB I bet nobody ever dreamt of it or even thought it was possible even jimin himself he never aimed for the billboard he just wanted to release music but it just happened to happen that every song he released this year charts on the BB. Like how am I going to say this... I just don't know what's wrong with him lately he's like a rookie that just got fame and now is letting it change him. Like I know there's no problem whatsoever when a person wants to chart on the BB I mean that's ever artist's dream but...

Like what do you mean by that. Jk already know that, that position is already secured scooter already payed the money we know. But why the sudden obsess with no1 if jimin hadn't got that no1 I bet he wouldn't even be thinking about it. But I've always knew he's been competitive and he's said numerous times he wants to be recognised more and stuff so what scooter and bang pd did they didn't manipulate him nor threaten him he wants this, all this payola and fraud. I'm disappointed in him actually cause why would he actually shit ok everything that BTS stood for, for years making music the honest way. What's he hoping to gain from this? Because armies might be blind but the world isn't. Like what is wrong with him.

The members have been acting fishy during the second chapter. If it's not Tae distancing himself from the group it's RM and acting bitter sometimes and well yoongi then now jk who's suddenly became chart obsessed it's like he tryna be the Beyonce of the group or something. I literally don't want to hate him but lowrdddd he's pushing me lowrdddd. It's like he tryna prove he's the golden goose and no-one can outdo him. I don't know what's he hoping to gain from this really because news flash this ain't gonna gain him new fans or something. BTS have always been used as scapegoats and belittled for way too long after proving themselves over and over again to the west and to Asia that honest artists to exits, that in order to achieve you must be passionatee

BTS has always preached about how making music is more that just making musing and selling music it's about passion, the message and all but wtf is this...

I swear I'm not slandering him nor being a hater jk is/ was my second fav after jimin and I'm a jikooker and I love them both but I tend to lean to jimin's side more because he's the owner of the magic shop. The reason why I'm into BTS today.

Anyways BTS has never urged us to vote for them, stream for them, buy their music all they've asked from us is to enjoy their music. But someone doesn't think so...

Yoongi and JK are the members that have been pushed the most so far. I mean a Tour really when's he going to military? Then jk and his payola and fraud I'm disgusted atp. It's like he wants to blow up so bad, like dude you're already famous what more do you want, or he knows he wouldn't have achieved what he did with seven without all that push which is why he's welcoming the payola with open hands and happy about it.

Mhhhh... Idk I don't want to sound like a hater but jk is annoying me rn so so much I don't want to end up hating him because hey it's not that deep but honestly how would you feel if you were called to the table to eat fancy food with utensils while your brothers eat crumbs on the floor but then hey

I don't want to sound like a hater because I think I'm starting to sound like one. This is the last time I'm talking about this I'm unfollowing anything related to him because I don't want to be toxic and know what's going to happen forward is going to shatters that little love I have left from him so I'm unfollowing everything related to him I don't want to see his face nor hear his name till jimin releases something.

Anyways congratulations to Tae on his new ambassadorial deal as the new brand ambassador for Cartier. And Kths had the nerve to involve jimin in their celebration like have your little celebration but know your boundaries Tiffany is bigger than Celine and Cartier combined. Does anyone know the difference between a Global House ambassador and a Brand Ambassador

I'm eating noodles for the whole semester I'm saving for pjm2 and possibly a concert from jimin even a one day concert would be enough :⁠,⁠-⁠)

[imagine--if]

a scene thats like from the year one comic with edward and his love? like, from his pov <3

A/N: Ooo okay, this is a sort of a first attempt at an imagine like this, so hope you enjoy it - I've stuck as close to Ed's character as I can think to 😅 (there are some spoilers for the comic here btw 💚)

My riddles, my puzzles, my games, my only friends…

The only things that calms my mind.

And her.

Someone I can be myself around.

How can one person look so peaceful?

I’m scared to move in case I wake her out of her thoughts, but that’s okay. Maybe we could stay like this forever.

I’ve never seen someone so… pure. Not in Gotham.

She's so quiet, curious eyes watching the screen. It's just a simple crossword challenge, but she looks almost amazed when I get through them so quickly.

Quiet...

Maybe she's tired.

Oh, god, am I keeping her up?

It takes me a moment to tentatively tap her arm to get her attention. My heart feels like it could burn with the way she looks up at me. Beautiful. And she's here.

"Are- are you okay?"

She smiles softly and nods, her hair tickling my neck. Her smile's angelic. No one ever smiles.

"I'm okay."

"You're not tired? I mean, it's a bit, um, late, and I don't want to keep you..."

"You're not keeping me," she responds, and I freeze in surprise as she pushes herself willingly closer to me, her head under my chin and the comforting warmth of her body curled up on my lap. "I don't want to move."

I can't hold back a small laugh, and I dare to stroke her hair with my fingers, and she doesn't shrink back in fear or disgust. She's enjoying it. She likes it. Maybe she likes me?

I know I love her.

But I can't say that yet. It's only been a week. I can't scare her off, not now. It'll be back to being unwanted, unnoticed, instead of loved back, having her attention, being happy. Having a chance.

"You don't have to move," I tell her, unable to hide my smile, "you can stay here with me, all night, if- if you want to."

She blinks, and my eyes widen. Idiot. You've creeped her out. Why can't you act like a normal person and--

"Aw, thanks, Eddie."

And then she's back to relaxing in my arms, while I stare at her, stunned.

Who is she?

My thoughts are racing again, but the darkness isn't twisting its way in. I know it's because of her.

I need her to stay all night.

I need her.

.・ Taglist: ・.

@simestandswithtaylorswift-blog @carley-carley-carley @lostbunn @dencchan @dragovegogrimborn @i-wished-upon-a-star-one-night @edwardspumpkinpie @murderbimbo00 @sweetums0kitty @beel-mcburger @cml-san @jervis-tetch-my-beloved @r4iner @bimboanime @phoenixgurl030 @vaylordd @dangerouslittlefairy @katjourno @yoyoanaria @yaeyuuki @vinxlsketches @beenz-beenz @ghoulsgraveyard @birds-have-teeth @repostingmyfavs @r3ptiliaaa @for3v3rda1sy @glitterycheesecakegladiator @moonwritesblog @lilyevans1 @httpsunflowers @hxney-lemcn @confusedchildsstuff @callsigncrash @sugahbabieexo @bokksieu @skateb0red @wilburrrsworld @philiasoul @darthcringe @felicityofbakerstreet @bloodypantomime @deadlights-darling @tianotfound @mortem-muse @ireadandream @tinyryder @kpopgirlbtssvt @truecobblepot @jessicainhell

[indefiniteimagines]

Day 1: 5some Porn Star AU

A/N: WELCOME TO KINKTOBER 2022! I'm a few days late, but I am catching up between now and tomorrow. Please enjoy this 3.6k word porno because it's got zero plot.

WARNINGS: PLUS SIZE READER, Language, SMUT, PWP, surprise female director, Fem director fisting reader (ass and pussy), Double penetration (ass and pussy), boot licking, foot to face, Double penetration (ass and ass), Slapping, spitting, choking, oral (M receiving), squirting (slurping up squirt), Vibrator wand, throatpie, facial, cum in eye, creampie, IT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING. I'M SO SORRY (MINORS DNI)

"Hey Daphne, we're ready for you," the producer says to you at your vanity.

"Oh okay!" You stand up and adjust your skirt before following him out of the green room. You walk down the dingy hallway before you start to see bright lights and hear more chatter. The makeup artist on set ushered you to the chair in the middle of the room and you sat down. She added a bit more powder and gloss to your look,

"Are you excited?"

"I'm so nervous!"

"Don't be. Everyone here is a professional and you know Scarlett would burn them at the stake if they hurt one of her girls."

"Yeah I guess that's true...."

"You'll do great. Just let loose and have fun," she said with a wink. She took a slight step back to look at her work and when she was satisfied, she gave your knee a light squeeze before walking away.

"Alright, everyone quiet on set! We're gonna get this thing started." This was the first time you heard Scarlett speak today and her voice sent waves through your body. After she got situated in the Director's chair next to the camera, she started talking to you.

"Alright Sweetie, we're about to shoot the first interview right now. Don't worry, it'll just be me and you talking; trying to get a better feel as to who you are, what brought you here, etc. Sound good?"

"Sounds perfect," you say flashing your winning smile.

"Alright, everyone quiet! Hit lights, roll camera. Let me see how that looks," she says to the cameraman. She gives you a thumbs up while still looking in the viewfinder before turning back to you,

“Hi there.”

“Hiiii, hehe,” you nervously say.

“What’s your name, Love?”

“I’m Daphne Rose.”

“And Daphne are you over 18?”

“Yes I am. I just turned 22.”

“Oh perfect! Well can I just say that you are so fucking cute. Like so adorable.”

“Oh thank you so much.”

“You are very welcome. So Daphne, you know why you’re here, right? I mean you’re here to get fucked.”

“By 4 guys.” 

“Yeah haha! Well, more like 4 beasts.”

“Ohhh my gosh, haha.”

“So tell me what brought you to Lovemefuckme.com. Was it fantasies? Was it a boyfriend who was a little rough and you realized ‘hey, this turns me on’? Or what was it that made you want to shoot with such a rough company?”

“Ummmm, I guess a little bit of all of it. I’ve had these sort of darker, 'struggle to get away’ fantasies for as long as I could remember. All of my boyfriends were never rough enough, so I think that’s why the want for this experience still lingers. Plus I mean, in the "real world" you don't always have 4 guys willing to throw you around and fuck you safely. I think that's really important when it comes to acting out darker fantasies. And I feel super safe with you, so I know I'll be more willing to put on the show of "No I really don't want this" while keeping my legs open and welcoming cocks, haha!"

"That's super hot. And trust me, you do not have to tell these guys twice about being rough. Have you ever been gangbanged or DP'd before?"

"No! I've never even had a threesome, so having two cocks in me at once or even in the same hole is what I'm shooting for!"

"Amazing. Hopefully we can stretch you out to do that. How tall are you, if you don't mind me asking."

"I'm barely 5'6."

"Oh they're gonna have fun with your little ass. Two of our guys are 6'5."

"Holy shit," you say squirming in your chair and rubbing your legs together.

"Nuh uh. I see that. No cheating," Scarlett warns.

"Sorry!" you say with a small giggle.

"And we can cut this part out if you want, but how much do you weigh?"

"I'm 230. But that's another reason I'm here. I've seen plus size models get roughed up and tossed around like nothing on the site and girls like me have a hard time finding that in society. So, I'm really looking forward to that!"

"Yeah, you are one of our smaller plus size models so the guys will have no problem at all rocking your little world. I mean you know we practically work with anyone who is consenting and over 18. We've had petite, plus size, milfs, mature, trans. The list goes on. But they're all here for the same reason you are; to live out their taboo fantasy safely...and get paid for it."

"Oh yeah the money is just a bonus!"

"Money is going to be the last thing on your mind, but I promise you will get paid for the work you do. Speaking of money, since this is a struggle scene I am offering you incentives to not get fucked."

"To not get fucked?"

"Exactly, so if you can last the whole shoot without a cock in your pussy, ass or mouth then that's an instant $1,000 bonus on top of what you're already making. If you just so happen to escape from the room, meaning past the camera and production crew, then that's an extra $4,000. So in total, you can make up to $5,000 plus your set salary. How does that sound?"

"Oh wow! I really wanted to get fucked, but 5 grand sounds a little better!"

"That's what they all say," she said with a grin.

"Now that we've gone over the basics, it's time to talk about your safe words. Do you remember them?"

"Yes. It's 'Red' if i want to stop, 'Mercy' or 'Yellow' to slow down or change something and 'Uh Uh Uh' if I have something in my mouth."

"Perfect. And make sure to really emphasize the head shake with 'Uh Uh Uh'. If you get nervous, just look to me and I'll try to center you back. Please know that you can use your safe word as many times as you need to and that it does not make you a weak model. It could be as simple as you have an eyelash in your eye to needing more lube. If you need to use them, please do not hesitate, okay?"

"Okay," you say with a sweet smile.

"Alright, well I think that about covers it. Are you ready?"

"I'm so ready."

"Okay, we'll call you back in about 20 minutes."

"Perfect!"

*20 minutes later*

You were back on set in the middle of the room. There was a small light behind the production crew that was positioned in a way that darkened your surroundings but lit you up. You could tell you weren't alone due to the heavy breathing coming from different directions in the room. You started to vibrate with excitement and fear at the same time.

"Alright, you ready?! Remember, 1,000 bucks to not get any cocks inside of you and $4,000 if you get past me. Once a cock is in you, there's no need to fight them off because you already lost that money. Just enjoy it. You have until the end of the shoot to get out. No biting, no scratching, no throwing elbows. Ready? GO!"

You let out a small squeal before running toward the crew. You get maybe 2 feet before the overhead lights are turned on and an arm is reached out and you're tugged back by your waist. Your feet come slightly off the floor as you're yanked back into the biggest man's torso. You see a tall, buff blonde come a pull one of your legs, followed by the shorter blonde doing the same; causing you to start bucking your legs.

They laugh at your attempts as the curly haired brunette comes and pulls your top down, exposing your black bra. They all let out a growl as he starts to knead your clad tit. You're still squirming in their embrace, trying to get free but to no avail. You arch your back and the man behind you grips tighter,

"Stop fighting. You've already lost," he says in your ear.

"Fuck you guys! No, I haven't!"

"Fuck us? Fuck us?" He yanks you back toward the bed, but the other men still have your legs.

"Let her go, guys. Let her go. You heard her, she wants to fuck us." They all release and you and Pablo flop back on the bed, your arms still behind your back. He wraps his legs around yours and holds them open. His hand goes around your neck, the other locking your arms as Henry tears your underwear at the hips and rips them off.

Alex and Chris begin taking off your shoes before taking turns ripping your tank top down your chest, leaving glorious red streaks in the process. Alex tugs at the center of your bra and it pops open. His and Henry's hands go straight for your nipples, tugging and flickering them. You're still struggling as your are now butt naked. Chris starts to rub your clit roughly.

"Alright, someone get a dick inside of her," Pablo says as Chris unzips his pants and pulls out his throbbing cock. He positions himself between your legs and attempts to infiltrate your hole. You're still struggling as much as you can, making it difficult for him to execute.

The other three were still laughing at your attempts to get free. Chris repositions himself and starts to rub the head of his cock over your hole.

Scarlett yelled from the other side of the room, "Remember, 1,000 bucks! Don't let those cocks in you."

"You have a cock in you yet?" Pablo asked from behind you.

"Basically," you said with a smile.

"She's fucking tight," Chris says, still probing at your cunt. You let out a small laugh that turned into a moan when you felt the warm sting of Chris finally entering your pussy. He shows no mercy in his movements as he begins fucking you. Alex and Henry both have their cocks out and are stroking them, watching Chris have his way with you.

He thrusts relentlessly in you a few more times before he tells someone else to tag in. Henry races and untangles your legs from Pablo; growling as he pulled you farther on your back. Pablo still had your arms, but Henry placed your legs on one of his shoulders. His hand replaced Pablo's around your neck and he begins to pound you harder than Chris.

You can't help but stare up at Henry's curls bouncing up and down. You're snapped out of your daze when you feel Alex reach his hand between your bodies and grip your tit. Henry goes balls deep one last time before he pulls out. Alex grabs your hair and pulls you from the bed and to your knees. He turns your head towards Henry, forcing you to taste yourself.

You happily slurp his cock, tasting the pleasure your body secreted before you take him deeper; bobbing your head up and down. He pushes you off and tells you to find dicks. You reach out both hands and welcome them like you said earlier.

You're suddenly pulled up by the hair on the nape of your neck and yanked backwards by Pablo. You briefly look him in his eyes before he spit roughly on your cheek. You smile wide before he pushes you back on the bed. You land on your stomach when your ankle is caught and pulled back so you're back on the floor.

Alex pulls your hips up so you're on your knees and easily slides his cock in your sopping cunt. He lets out a grunt and bottoms out immediately. The grip he had on your hips was monstrous, but his cock felt too good to care. Pablo placed his boot on your jaw and you stick out your tongue to lick it. Alex repositions one of his hands and starts to have a hold on your shoulder. He starts to watch you lick the boot of the behemoth of a man and spits towards your face. You swipe it into your mouth and hold your fingers there as the familiar coil in your stomach starts to form.

You're moaning around your fingers when your eyes roll back.

"Are you cumming?" Pablo asks, leaning down. "Is she cumming?"

"Oh she's fucking cumming," Alex says.

"Don't let her cum," Henry calls out. Alex roughly pulls out of you and you moan in disagreement, but your orgasm was too close and your moan soon turns to pleasure.

"Did you fucking cum anyway?" Chris asks. You could't even regain your composure before you're trying to stand and escape. Chris and Henry push you back to the ground and Pablo is on you in less than a second. You're picked up and thrown back down, Pablo on your back. You heard his zipper go down,

"Since you still want to get away, I'll just make sure you can't." He spit in his hand you feel the head of his cock teasing your ass before thrusting in and giving no time to adjust. You let out a loud squeal while all the other men started whooping and cheering.

You were thrown around in all different positions before you were covered in sweat, your own cum and spit. You were almost out of it when a fully naked Henry came and slammed you against the wall face first. Pablo couched on your right and lifted your leg on his shoulder while Henry pounded your gaping ass. You ended up cumming again without permission and he yanked his cock out after Pablo told him to get the vibrator.

He lifted you to the position you started the shoot in, Chris and Alex pulling your legs apart once more.

"Get the vibrator." Henry picked up the black Hitachi Wand and held it to your overexposed clit.

Your worlds started to vibrate as your body shook from the wand,

"Ohhhhhh shiiiiitttt!!!!"

"Are you gonna ask to cum this time," Pablo taunted.

"Yes God please! Can I cum! Please let me cum!"

"You can cum, but I wanna see you cum on Scarlett's fist.

She struts on the set and sticks her fist in your mouth,

"Lube it up, bitch." She bends down to your cunt and slowly starts to stretch your pussy with her hand in the #4.

"OH MY GOD! FUCK! OH SHIT!"

"Look at that. Look at your whore cunt. Hold her head up." Pablo listened and shoved your head towards your stretched out pussy to see Scarlett's full fist filling you up.

"OH FUCK! Can I cum? Please can I cum?"

"Cum! Cum!" She encouraged. She kept pumping her fist in and out until you were soaking her forearm in cum. Your eyes were almost demonic as you came for the hardest time that day.

"Mmmmm, can I taste it? I wanna taste it," you say with you tongue out. Her fist is still inside of you when she tells Pablo to lower you back to the floor so you're sitting on her fist. She slowly pulls it out and immediately shoved it in your mouth.

"Taste it you fucking whore. Look at my shirt. Look what you did!" She yelled as she pulled you forward by your hair and onto your stomach. You begin to slurp up your squirt from the floor and swallow it. You do it again but this time she tells you to hold it in you mouth. She sits you back on your butt and opens your legs wide before attaching the wand back to your sensitive clit.

"Gargle that shit." You waste no time in following her command. You swallow it again and her hand is back down your throat. You begin to fight her and Chris comes and holds your arms. You try to talk but it comes out in gargles,

"What? Hmmm? What are you trying to tell me?" she asks as she turns off the wand. "You think I care that you want to breathe?"

"You should fist her ass too," you hear Henry say from behind Scarlett. She pulls her hand from your mouth and rubs your spit all over your face. She does it again and goes deeper down your throat,

"I'm gonna fist every hole you have. Turn her over."

Chris flips you over and Pablo and Alex each take a leg. Chris places his knee on your head to prevent you from moving at all. You feel Scarlett spit on your tight ass for good measure before she makes the same #4 shape with her hand and begins forcing her fist in your hole.

You begin to struggle against all of them and Henry comes and places his foot on your hips, holding them down.

"Ahh...ahhhh! Ow! Ow! OW!"

"We don't respond to 'Ow', bitch," you hear Pablo say. You still struggle when you hear Scarlett say to relax. You try your best, but the stretch is too much. She grabs your hips and put you on your knees to get a different angle.

The camera zoomed in on her fist and your hole, struggling to fit it. She keeps applying pressure, encouraging you to take it.

"It's almost in. Don't puss out on me now. Sit back on it." You angle your hips down and start to meet her in the middle.

"Ow ow ow ow ow!"

"It's almost in. It's almost in.....little more. There it is! Fucking A, that is a tight ass!" She gently pulls it out and Chris reaches for her hand before shoving it in is own mouth.

He turned you over and Scarlett's hand went around your neck before reaching for the wand once more,

"You wanna get fucked again, huh? Beg for it, bitch. Say 'Please Mommy Scarlett, let them stuff my holes' ", she says as she grips your hair and pulls your head back and forth.

"Please Mommy Scarlett! Please let them fuck my whore holes!"

"Look in the camera! I wanna see you beg me when I'm editing this."

"Please Mommy Scarlett! Please let them fuck my whore holes."

She made you cum once again and threw the wand down. Both of her hands wrapped around your throat, cutting off the air supply,

"You got me on camera with no makeup, my hair isn't done. Who the fuck do you think you are?" She asks releasing your throat and spitting in your face.

"Fuck her!" she yells before walking back to the director chair. You're yanked back to the bed, straddling Chris as he pulls you to his chest and Pablo comes up behind you. You feel Chris enter your pussy and Pablo slides easily into your stretched out ass. They fuck you like that for a few minutes while you choke on Alex's cock and stroke Henry.

You feel Chris slip out of your cunt and Pablo positions your hips down on his cock. What they're doing doesn't register until you feel Chris also poking at your ass. Pablo is still lowing your hips on their cocks before they both let out a loud moan and your eyes roll back. They relentlessly pound your tightest hole before switching with Alex and Henry.

These two are smaller than the other two, but the stretch and gape is still accomplished. Alex pulls out of your ass when Henry tells you to turn around on his cock and face the camera. With your legs open, Alex quickly switches between your pussy and ass while rubbing your clit.

"Oh fuck! I'm cumming! Please can I cum?! Please FUCK!" They give you the green light and you're cumming and soaking their cocks like the dirty cock whore you are. You're pulled off the bed and to your knees on the floor. A cock is shoved in your mouth and down your throat before another one is forcing it's way in.

Above you, Pablo grabs the corners of your mouth and pulls them in to a makeshift smile.

"Smile for the camera, Daphne." Henry comes behind you and pulls your mascara smeared eyes open and you look in the camera with two cocks in your mouth. Pablo pulls his out and allows Alex to grab your head and use your throat like a pussy. His hips are snapping against your chin before he pulls out and strokes above you. He starts moaning loudly before shoving your nose to meet his hips, bottoming out in your throat as he releases his cum into your stomach.

The other three are stroking their cocks when Chris runs to you and squirts his cum on your face, hitting you in the eye. You wipe your eye and suck the cum off your index finger. Henry found that arousing and made your beautiful pupils his ultimate target. He moaned and came hard as you welcomed the warm, powerful sting to your orbs. This time you didn't wipe it out and looked to the last one.

Pablo pulled you up on the bed and forced you down on your back. He placed of your legs on his shoulder and shoved his cock deep in your pussy, before doing what Alex did and stretched out both holes.

"You were a real fucking whore today. Taking 4 huge cocks from grown ass men. Letting our fucking director have her way with you." He started grunting as his movements became sporadic. You came one last time with his cock in your ass while the contractions trigger his own orgasm.

You feel the warm cum ooze from his cock and coat your walls. He pulls out and you push out the creampie, putting on one last show for the room. You collapse back on the bed and the camera zooms in on your face; eyes fading shut as Scarlett yells,

"And.....CUT!"

[feverinfeveroutfic]

kinktober all year, 2024

i’m so sorry, but-

it had to be done.

after the fiasco of kinktober 2023, and i had to regroup with blood and wine, i am continuing to lick my wounds from the humiliation. i mean, a genuinely kinky person was all around ignored during a kink-fest, like nothing about that makes any sense whatsoever. worse, i don’t even know why i was ignored; i mean, i have my theories but they’re all hard to confirm. i really don't understand why i was given such a cold shoulder this year when i dropped the first one shot.

it’s supposed to be a community and yet, i saw right away that it isn’t. “don’t ‘yuck’ someone’s ‘yum’” feels like a naïve joke at this point because all i could think leading up to the 18th when i pulled the plug was “gee, sorry i’m not good and sexy enough for you guys. i’m terribly sorry that this is torturous for you, there's literally nothing i can do about it so i'll see myself out before this is done so you don't have to be exposed to my bullshit for a while.”

god, my sexuality is just… it’s too much. it’s way too much and i feel trapped inside of it. i'm helpless to rid of it even as i genuinely hate it so much. i genuinely wish i didn't have a sexuality because it's useless. no one likes it or wants to know about it. i’m way too much. i'm too kinky and yet i'm not sexual enough. all dressed up with nowhere to go.

and yet, i can’t let them win. these totally unsexy, borderline gross, borderline sexist, pregnancy-loving scoundrels who inexplicably dominated this year couldn’t write a compelling story if it saved the world; they cannot continue to act like they're the only ones who can do it. there has to be a place for me; there just has to be. i may hate my sexuality more than anything and find it ugly and disgusting and i'm pretty sure it's the last thing you'll ever see before you die, but it’s like the inevitability of death: you can’t escape it. plus, after the last couple of months, i don’t really need some hundreds of people to kiss my ass to feel like the queen of kinktober: i don’t need fandom, and i don’t think i ever have needed it, either.

so, i give you kinktober all year.

now, just to make it easier on myself—mainly because i honestly have no clue how 2024 will play out (it could be the worst year of my life for all i know, especially if this year was anything to go by), but also because i have wips to write—these will be sent out on a weekly basis starting new year's day, giving us a grand total of 52 one shots. aside from the first one, i’ll keep the prompts a surprise just to keep my very personal preferences to myself, but i will give away titles, though. i'll also keep the participants under wraps until i post them for the same reason (you know alex will be in like... one or two, though).

yes, this is going on ao3 because i’ve been getting really, really tired of tumblr and really all social media lately. no, i don’t care if you join me or not because it’s a holistic thing that’s really just meant for myself; you can if you want, though. “i’m not like them, but i can pretend.”

“the wandering jew” (this one, i've already shared; it's my water kink)

“django tango”

“heroin”

“five minutes”

“corduroy”

“poison ivy”

“chillblains”

“he’s gotta have it”

“bats in the attic”

“midnight rambler”

“pebble beach”

“chiaroscuro”

“this kiss”

“disco volante”

“seashells”

“deer in the headlights”

“scarlet”

“walk with me”

“have a cigar”

“poison whiskey”

“i think i lost my headache”

“touch too much”

“pearly dew drops”

“still crazy after all these years”

“enjoy every sandwich”

“let’s talk about cars”

“twin flames”

“as serious as a heart attack”

“trial by fire”

“he didn’t”

“flannel”

“side street”

“be with me”

“heart and lungs”

“dodge the bambula”/“jackin’ it in san diego"

“the razor’s edge”

“she likes surprises”

“black coral”

“black nightshade”

“seduce and destroy”

“pick a number”

“all that glitters”

“…like clockwork”

“sabra cadabra”

“world of brass”

“every night i burn”

“one of these nights”

“aquamarine”

“the beast”

“dream with me”

“dionysus”

“time has come today”

[thefemcelthatdeservesbetter]

Fail

Lately I've been trying to be happier and more positive despite everything else. I think I'm giving up on that. A boy that texted me online early this year but then stopped some days after texted me again yesterday. He was doing badly and told me what was wrong. It's kind of hard to communicate with him because his English isn't that good but it's alright. However the conversation I had with him truly exhausted me which makes me feel like a hypocrite for willing to help him at first.

What he told me only makes me more confused.

I don't understand why boys are either into whores or unhealthy girls. Somehow they like those that drink alcohol, smoke, self harm, do drugs etc. Probably because they're good looking and that sickens me!!!!! Why would they reject respectable girls for them??? Why would they be attracted to what makes them miserable? Do they like misery? I've got plenty of it. But no, it's only attractive if the girl herself is. It's so stupid. I hate this, I hate women, most of them. I hate how those boys are getting manipulated by them.

They would accept anyone, literally anyone as long as they have a pretty face and nice big breasts. It's unfair. They'd accept getting stepped on or whipped as long as she's attractive. They'd follow her like a dog anywhere, head over heels, trying to "fix" her or whatever. Women are doing this on purpose, they get attention, then "pity", then even more attention so the boys feel like it's "love" but it isn't!!!! Its obsession, or something. Are they blind??? Do they not see how evil they are??

It's over. It's completely over. No one even likes to love anymore. Or maybe they do, they just don't like me. I used to be very loved in elementary school. What the hell changed? I feel everyone has grown up except me. Girls didn't like to play with me, so I'd mostly play with boys. We used to have lots of fun. Now they all have turned into whores; girls and boys. The girls are all attention seeking bouncing their honkers around for boys. Boys try to act cool, "teenage like" with them and do whatever the hell they like to do. No one plays anymore. No one has interesting conversations anymore. It makes me gag to hear them talk about "love". It's not love they think, they just fixate their mind on people they don't even know to lust over.

I feel very left out. They've all changed. I remember months ago, some of my classmates (that were sitting right next to me and two of them were supposedly my friends) started playing a game where they basically point out a flaw or a fact about one of them who will have to accept it and not say anything about it. I disliked it because they didn't ask me to play with them. I saw them asking for those around them to play, but not me. After some time, I asked one of my "friends" if I could participate. He said something like "yeahhh... but you're like, sensitive you don't like hearing the truth..". It makes me feel bad. Because I don't like to be treated differently just because I'm "sensitive". I know that the reason is mostly because they have nothing to say about me. Not even my "friends" know much about me, let along the whores that were playing with them. I hate how they all act brothers and sisters, as if they were oh so close. It disgusts me.

One day I will rise and be cool and popular. At that time, they will all beg at my feet to be labelled as my friends.

It sounds awful, but I'm just lonely.

I barely receive a single text from my school "friends". I know that they text those sluts daily on Snapchat, the worst most stupid app ever in my opinion. It's for cunts. They care about "snapscores" or however they call it. It's dumb! I don't understand what they have that I don't. Despite my hatred for this app, I still have it. They don't send me anything though. What's so interesting about their lives? I wish I was special, like Tom Yorke said. Like them. What's so special about them? I don't know. I think I'm too ugly. Am I not funny? After all they have such a stinky humour. I wish Elliot Rodger would be still alive because maybe he could kill them. I'd like to do it myself but I'm a pussy. When I was younger, I'd dream a lot about pausing time to humiliate and kill them pests.

I don't understand why I should be a loser. It's unfair. It's like the whole world is against me but I'm not even special enough for that to be true.

[dark-frosted-heart]

Can you give a quick rundown of Keith’s route preview if it came out? Thank you!

Sure! We some snapshots of various scenes in his route.

Keith, the first prince of Jade, is gentle like a deer and filled with endless kindness. At least that was the first impression. Half a step and then a full step— As the distance between us closes, uneasiness comes and goes. By the time I was aware that he was a beast with "two personalities", it was too late. Realizing that this love was anything but normal, I'm forced to make the ultimate choice. Two beasts wanted. But one true love.

"True love, for me, is proof that I'm allowed to exist."

The first prince of Jade was gentle and endlessly kind, though lacked self-confidence—at least that was the first impression.

Keith: "I was very rude to you at the goodwill party." "For a large man standing at 183cm to treat you in such a way is utterly disgusting*" "I'm really, really sorry."

(I feel like I've been listening to him apologize for an hour)

🦌🦌🦌 MC: "If you would let me go, Prince Keith, my face will stop being red..."

Keith: "Gah! Sorry! I'm so sorry!" "Once again I acted uncivilized...I'm speechless at how I unconsciously continue to commit sins."

🦌🦌🦌 Somehow I ended up becoming Prince Keith's Rhodolite guide.

Keith: "I'm honored to go out with you when you're dressed more stylishly than usual." "I've used up all my luck if I'm able to have you all to myself now."

(I've been thinking them over a lot. Prince Keith's speaking candidly. It's so straightforward that it's making me feel embarrassed!)

🦌🦌🦌 Keith: "I'm not someone worth worrying about. I can't do anything, and I do terrible things without a care." "Yet I still smile like this." "That's why you shouldn't trust me either."

🦌🦌🦌 Keith: "I want you to only look at me until the dance is over. Is that selfish?"

(When you put it like that, it's unfair.)

Keith: "Yes, that's right. Look at 'me'."

🦌🦌🦌 Even if he holds people at a distance, it didn't take long for me to fall in love with Prince Keith who is always so kind-hearted. I should've noticed that uneasiness growing the closer we got.

🦌🦌🦌 Keith: "Don't want to? I want to hear it until the end." "Come on, tell me."

🦌🦌🦌 Alter!Keith: "Don't be scared." "That reaction just makes me want to bully you more you know?"

By the time I was aware that he was a beast with "two personalities", it was too late.

🦌🦌🦌 MC: "You're not the Prince Keith I know."

Alter!Keith: "You're weird for saying that not as a joke."

🦌🦌🦌 MC: "You know Prince Keith better than anyone else." "And yet, why do you do things that make him suffer?"

Alter!Keith: "I do it because I want to. That's all." "Do I, who was born later, have to think about that good-for-nothing every time I make a decision?" "Even if I was born for that good-for-nothing, I don't want to live such an meaningless life until I die.

🦌🦌🦌 The sin that Prince Keith, who smiles like he's given up on everything, carries.

There was no salvation in the past, when another personality was born.

🦌🦌🦌 Keith: "Why...am I not him? Why can't I become him? "And at that time too..." "I hated myself so much that I wanted to kill myself."

🦌🦌🦌 The feelings were too much for me to come to terms with, and yet I couldn't leave their sides.

That was the first choice I offered them...

🦌🦌🦌 Keith: "I know I shouldn't feel like this." "I know that but...I want to have you all to my self just as much as he wants you to himself."

🦌🦌🦌 Alter!Keith: "Do you want me to decide?"

MC: "Prince Keith..."

Alter!Keith: "Say 'I like mean Keith.' Tell him you like me more." "Tell that guy...'I don't want you.'"

🦌🦌🦌 As if to tell me that I made the wrong choice, something sharp cuts my heart.

🦌🦌🦌 (This must be unordinary love.) (Maybe one day I'll wish that I never fell in love.) (But for now, I...) (I don't think this love is a mistake, and I don't want to forget it.) (That's why I...)

🦌🦌🦌 Reaching out for that "forbidden love", I hold him tightly so that we won't be separated. Two beasts wanted.

🦌🦌🦌

Keith: "I can't love you normally." "Even so, I don't want to let go of your hand. I only want to love you."

🦌🦌🦌 But one true love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Translations not guaranteed to by 100% accurate

*Keith bby you're using three different words to describe disgust

[thehermitbear]

SA representation fucking sucks.

I will say beforehand that if you are a fan of Vivienne Madreno's works, I am not criticizing you specifically. You're fine to still like the show and I actually do admire you for being able to look past major flaws. I am also aware that other survivors are on different legs of their journey's, so this may not resonate with every survivor. I just want to give a heads up that I may use strong emotional terms in this. I feel strongly about how rape is depicted in media and it is a dealbreaker for me depending on how it's handled. ----

I don't believe it when people say Viv wanted to depict male SA victims properly, or any SA victim of any gender at all. I've had it told to me a few times that was the intention. I then tried to watch the show, and stopped promptly partway through episode four after the Poison music video. My first gut reaction as someone who spent years being sexually abused still clings to me. I also feel the need to note that I have almost no tolerance for the act of rape depicted in media of any kind. How the fuck would you feel if you were Anthony? You were tricked. Told a lie that ended up in you somehow addicted to drugs to numb the disgusting reality that you'd sometimes get gangraped on camera for millions to enjoy your misery, humiliation, and dehumanization.

And then you get drawn in bondage gear, bent over, terrified, about to get gangraped on camera for all of Hell to see. I did not get abused like that, but I was definitely used for pleasure as just a baby teenager who thought my value rested solely in how 'hot' my prepubescent body was to older men. This is important for my perspective, I promise. I fucking hate bringing this up, but I feel like some background is needed. I was at the naive age of fifteen when I went on seemingly innocent a date to a mall. The older boy I went with then raped me in public in several locations, and I was too scared to fight back because I'd always been a quiet person. People filmed me. They looked at my exposed body in disgust and whispered what I could only imagine was 'slut' and 'whore'. Words that don't deserve the hate they are backed by. He dumped me after he was done using me, depositing me on a curb. My mother picked me up an hour later. I have never been the same. Keep in mind, I gave you none of the visceral details of what he specifically did to me beyond raping me. Because it doesn't matter. I then had no direction, and used shitty coping mechanisms like hypersexuality and jokes deflecting my trauma and drugs because there is little to no guidance for people like myself. I was soon trapped again by a man in his late twenties who asked me to do sexual favors for him and his friends on camera via 4chan. I only agreed because I was a kid in need of comfort, and I stupidly thought they cared. From there, I won't explain what I've thrown my body at in order to feel any fucking thing, but it was a lot. I will give you a happy update to say I have mostly recovered. I am married to someone who loves me, scars and all. Back to my issue with the writing of SA in Hazbin Hotel, I felt that it lost all of its meaning the moment Viv decided to animate the actual act of Angel's rape in the Poison music video. Even heavily implied, the audience can easily tell he was about to get violently gangraped on camera for entertainment while unable to vocalize. How does this help SA survivors, exactly? Again, if you're in your stage of healing where you want people to see how you were raped, please just sit with your feelings for a while. I say this with love. That is self harm. No one needs to see how you were raped. They need to see how it hurt you afterwards. That's the bit that actually needs to be told. Don't give your rapist any the attention. At the end of the day, there is no justification for rape. There is no justification for showing it in media either. The people who know it's terrible don't need visuals of the act itself. You can easily imply it and focus on what actually matters. The aftermath of an SA survivors story is undersold. The way it damages the fucking brain needs to be spoken about more. (Literally, my brain is damaged because of what happened to me) The only thing that showing rape as an action in media does is create cheap shock value for some, more material for others who seriously need to unpack why they find it arousing in the first place (no hate, I've been there), and at the very worst retraumatize survivors (also happened to me). Allow me to frame this another way please?

Imagine a rape victim being approached by someone who claimed that they wanted to tell their story as a side plot in their new show. They are told that it will be in an animated R-rated comedy musical. Understandably, most people would be hesitant to agree. Not that it's impossible, but it has to be done a certain way. For the sake of this story, they agree.

How would they feel if they then saw one of their assaults animated as a pop music video?

Animation takes longer that live action does. You really have to commit to drawing something like that.

Personally, I would be furious. I would be horrified that the showrunner decided to let my abuser win again by painstakingly animating exactly what my abuser did to me. I'd feel like I was put on display again twice over for a fictional audience and for a real one.

I hate how SA is represented because it doesn't matter how it happens. What matters is how it affects the people after, how the abusers are (ignored because they have "futures") treated, and how society is not at all ready to address this issue.

It's a dealbreaker for me that Viv decided to show Angel's sexual abuse. Whether good intentioned or not, and it shows to me, someone who's had extensive therapy regarding my own abuse, that she does not understand the material she's trying to work with. Even if she is supposedly working with SA victims or if she is one herself, I fear she missed the mark here. Impact matters more than intent. Thank you if you made it this far. This has been bothering me for a while, I just needed to write my thoughts down and hopefully find like-minded survivors.

[rayclubs]

.

Testing the waters on how many vent posts it takes before everyone gets tired and leaves, but thankfully nobody actually reads these.

For the record, I am not planning to kill myself this time. I may sound like it, I may want to, but I'm not doing it. I don't have the means, nor the opportunity, nor the backup failsafe money bank for another hospital trip. So I'm not doing it.

I'm slowly chipping at the cut in my foot. I'm moving out in november, and I've realized I can't quit by then, so I'll just keep doing it. I'll get clean razors eventually. Until then, any handy tools will have to do. It... Feels good, if I'm being honest. Like I've missed it. Like an old friend.

I tried talking about it to someone but they told me in no uncertain terms to shut up and not bring it up again. They say not making jokes about suicide helps, but I've found that sincere, non-humorous discussions fair even worse. I tried so many times. I reached out to everyone I have. It doesn't matter if they tell me to keep it quiet outright, or just gently, softly, lovingly hint that I should drop the subject and go back to the usual jokey-jokes and lighthearted fun. I'm tired, and I've tired everyone with me. It doesn't matter how I'm doing, as long as I can keep things fun. Even my sister knows. She... She said nothing. I mean, she talks to me, just... Not about this. I can keep it fun and lighthearted, and it's not even untrue, I can still have fun, I just hurt. Every day from my waking up to dragging myself into bed I hurt, and I'm doing a terrible job of not letting it show, but it's passable and therefore enough. So I hurt, and I cut my hands, and I keep my scars from healing just to hurt in a different way for a bit, to take the edge off, to breathe. I can't wait for november, because there's only so much I can keep hidden from the people around me I don't trust, but once I'm alone? Once nobody is watching? I can cut all I want. Nothing else ever helps.

I really thought I was going to drown last friday. When pain exploded in the center of my chest and I lost balance, as the underwater current pulled me away from the shore, I thought that was it. I think maybe it was. It still feels like drowning, I think. What a pretentious thing to say. True though.

I'm acting like it's a recent thing but it's been going on for months. Years, maybe. I think I've always been wrong. The first time I burned my hand, I think I was thirteen? I still do that thing with the kettle, but I've learned other things. I want to try cigarette butts. I'm actually getting excited thinking about it, and you probably find it disgusting, but I sure don't. I'm past that. I'm a horrible person, if not in intent then in execution - I may mean well, but I'm not pleasant to be around, and I try, world knows I try for those I love the most - to make plans, to share interests, to talk about things without the looming weight of My Problem - tmcause that's what it is, right? It's my problem. Mine. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

Maybe I'll get a bad habit. Start smoking or drinking or some such. Doubt it'll help as well as the cuts though. I swear I'm not planning again, but if a car hit me, I think I'd say "thank you". That's my way of dealing with the blame. A natural disaster would work just as well. As long as it's not me. I've done enough for one day.

I don't know how to end this. Just. For the love of fuck, don't preach to me about how it gets better and I'm actually secretly loved unbeknownst to myself. I know it's always meant well, I'm just finding it impossible to believe lately, and unlike you who knows me in monologue, I know people in conversation - there's no secret there. I'm fun. I do okay. As long as I keep it up, I might come out of the other end and still have friends. Wouldn't that be nice.

[highfantasy-soul]

Just sent a message to the UN ambassadors for the USA:

It is with the deepest disgrace that I call myself an American. The thought that the US was the ONLY nation that VETOED an Israeli ceasefire on the Palestinian people is disgusting. Israel is committing genocide and the US is supporting it. The US is ignoring the international community's outcries over the humanitarian crisis the Palestinian people are facing and have been facing for years - all funded by the US. Every international agency is calling for a ceasefire - for Israel to stop its indiscriminate bombing of Gaza that is slaughtering civilians. Yet the US has consistently ignored the screams of dying Palestinians for no other reason than they are 'brown' from the Middle East - Muslims that must be savages not deserving of basic human rights. It makes me sick to know that you are the one 'representing' the US on the world stage and you would happily condemn Palestinians to genocide. Luckily, you are in a position of authority to do something about the slaughter of Palestinians: Call for an immediate ceasefire - do not let Israel continue their ethnic cleansing of the Palestinian people. Send aid to Palestine - AND MAKE SURE IT GETS IN! Force Israel to turn back on water and power to Gaza and open the crossings. STOP sending aid to Israel - they are only using our 'aid' to murder civilians. The treatment of Palestinians by Israel is abhorrent. You are supporting their genocide. You have been supporting this apartheid state in their operation of the open-air concentration camp called Gaza for years. It isn't too late to stand up for what is right. Be on the right side of history and stop this destruction. Slaughtering civilians indiscriminately is against international law - hold Israel accountable for their crimes. You cannot continue to hide behind your flimsy 'fear' of Hamas to justify such atrocities. Hamas is simply the excuse you use to 'justify' wiping out an entire people group. It is sick. It is wrong. Carpet bombing Gaza does nothing to 'save' the hostages taken - all it does is murder men, women, and children who have been brutalized by Israel their entire lives. Palestinians deserve justice. Palestinians deserve freedom. Palestinians deserve to live. If you are going to continue to vote the way you have, at least be honest about it. Say that you think Palestinians are less than human and deserve to be exterminated. It is what your actions have been saying loud and clear this whole time. History remembers.

I don't know how to express how gutted I am that the US has been responding to the genocide of the Palestinian people the way it has. How the US is the ONLY country that vetoed the ceasefire, how they are denying aid and acting like it's the greatest victory when 20 trucks get through a crossing that was promised to be opened days before.

It's pathetic. It's disgusting.

This is so clearly not about fighting 'terror' or 'Hamas'. It's about leveling Gaza and leaving nothing but rubble. It's about breaking an entire ethnicity of people.

I am so often disturbed by how people can see all the facts about what is going on in a situation and STILL choose the obviously incorrect path - the path that leads to destruction and inequality and atrocities. I've been fighting for criminal justice reform in America for so long - for racial justice, queer rights, against Islamophobia and yes against antisemitism too. I have been fighting against xenophobia and sexism and abelism.

It feels so hopeless when our 'leaders' continue to bolster the system that creates such inequities. When they fight AGAINST justice rather than for it.

But the amount of people I've seen taking to the streets, sharing the truth, getting the stories of Palestinian people out there - their joy, their love, their lives - it renews my hope. Our leaders may be horrific, but our people - so many of them - they know the truth. They choose love and justice and they fight for it.

Thank you to everyone who has lifted your own voice, or uplifted others' voices during this tragedy.

Never Again means never again for ANYONE. It means we must not LET IT happen again. We MUST speak out when we see such atrocities. We must be able to recognize when it is happening.

Do not turn a blind eye and say "never again means it can't possibly happen again - that's the past". History is being written every day. What will the generations after us say about Palestine? Will they look back in horror at what we allowed to occur like they do when learning about the history of Native Americans, Chinese immigrants, Japanese Americans during WWII, the treatment of Jewish asylum seekers turned away at the US' borders just before WWII? Or will they be able to say "Thank goodness Palestine survived. Thank goodness we did something to help them. Thank goodness we didn't aid in that genocide, but rather fought against it."

It's not very common for Americans to be able to say we were on the right side of history. But every single day is an opportunity for us to change that.

We have to.

[lokisdirtylittleslutbag]

Failed marriage ~ t.h (angst)

summery- You and Tom Hiddleston are married. Everything was going great till he had an affair and now he does everything to win your love back.

note: ok so yall this is the first fic i have ever uploaded ig. Please be aware that english is not my first language so ignore any mistakes. and also i kinda wanna do multiple parts on this. I just love angst.

y/n's pov

As I started chopping up the vegetables for dinner, I heard the front door open and close. Heavy footsteps starts making their way towards the kitchen. "Tom, are you back from the meeting?" I ask to make sure it was my husband. "Yes, darling. It ended quicker than I thought," the familiar voice replied. Tom entered the kitchen, walked up behind me and gave a kiss on my neck while wrapping his hands around my waist. "I've missed you," he breaths against my skin "it's only been like four hours," I chuckled. "Yes, I know but I just love you so much," he says sweetly.

Something was wrong, I could feel it. This has been going on for few weeks now. Him going for a long time for his job, shows up looking guilty and refuses to meet my eyes. Before my overthinking gets the best of me I decided to clear things up "Hey, sweetheart. Is something wrong?" I asked turning around.

He paused for a moment, not knowing what to say before putting up a forced smile and say "Nothing, nothing happened, honey!" lie. Something was definitely wrong. What is he hiding from me? "Seriously Tom, be honest. Why are you acting so weird?" I looked at him straight in the eye, trying to catch his emotions. He started looking around the room, avoiding my eye contact, possibly thinking of excuses. "I-..I-" he began to form a sentence before quickly losing his confidence.

I patiently wait for his answer while millions of thoughts race through my head. Did he get sick? Was his mom sick? Did he get fired? But nothing could've prepared me for the truth. "I- I had an affair" There it is.

I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I just froze, processing what he had just said. The pain in his eyes were crystal clear but it was nothing compared to what I felt inside. "Please say something" his voice cracks. I could see tears forming in his eyes. "Do you love them?"

Why would I even ask that? Both answers are equally painful. "No! Not at all. I only love you," he says trying to convince me. Or perhaps himself. "How long have you had the affair for?" I asked trying my best to sound neutral. I don't want to cry, not now. Especially in front of him, I don't want him to see me so vulnerable, not anymore. I could see him hesitating, deciding on whether to tell the truth or not.

He took a deep breath and said "Three months" Seriously? How can I be so blind? All those late nights and secrets. He said that he was working late because of his Loki show. Instead, he was having sex with someone behind my back who apparently caught his interest more then his own wife. I couldn't even look at the man in front of me, disgusted by it. I didn't know what else to say. What should I even say? shout at him to fuck off while acting crazy? that would give him a chance to hold me and I don't want that. Plus I am better then that, no matter how painful his betrayal is, I wanna work this out in a civil manner.

"Please, honey. Look at me. I am so sorry" he pulled my chin up but I quickly pushed his hand away. "Please don't call me that" I said in a cold tone, finally looking at him. Tears were streaming down his face as his breathing got heavier. It was so painful to watch him in this state but he put himself there. "Are you gonna ask for divorce?" He asks before breaking into quiet sobs. Should I leave him? Or should I keep fighting for our marriage.

We've been married for four years. Our marriage was perfect, we rarely got into fights because we believed to respect each other's opinion and listen to what the other partner had to say, we known each other for a long time and were always on the same page. Everyone thought we were perfect for each other. But not anymore. God it was so aching to admit that. Just last week we were talking about having a kid. How dare he talk about committing to me further more when he couldn't even love me fully? But I love him. I really do. I want to have a family with him. I want to raise a kid with him. I want to grow old with him. Why can't life be so simple? What did I do to drive him completely away from me? Does he even love me?

"I don't know" I said. He immediately looks up into my eyes with a confused expression. "What do you mea-" he starts but before he could finish, I cut him off. "It means that I don't know whether to leave you or not. I need some time to think. Think about whether our marriage is still worth fighting for all of this mess," I could see him getting frustrated as he furiously started to rub his eyes.

When he stops and looks up with his blue eyes that are now red from crying, and said the only sentence that I knew would break me. "Please don't leave me" Fuck. I couldn't stop the tears from escaping. My legs gave up but before they could touch the ground, Tom caught me. He clutched onto me as if I was going to disappear that exact moment. He kissed me on the forehead before letting out the most heartbreaking sob. This was the first time I ever heard him cry like that. I wanted to scream but I couldn't, I just held onto his chest and shed tears.

After few minutes, I was the one to pull away. Tom hugged me tight for a split second before letting me go. "I love you so much, Darling. I'm an idiot, I don't know what I was thinking. I was looking for thrill and she had it so like the fucking asshole I am, I went for it. Please, I know I hurt you but I'm too selfish to let you go, god I can't bear losing you," He was practically on his knees begging for my forgiveness. I couldn't say anything and I knew that's what killed him the most. The silence. This was all too much for me and I needed to clear my head.

"I need to go" I quickly said before running up to our bedroom to grab a few things. He followed me shortly after into our room and watched my every single move with a pained expression on his face. I grabbed the only available items in my sight and forcefully put them into my bag before leaving the room. I made my way downstairs to the front door, grabbed my car keys and opened the door to the garage. When I got in my car, Tom was already by the door, looking at me. He knew me, he knew if he tried to reason with me or stop me from leaving, I will drift away further more. I started the car and left the house as fast as I could.

I didn't know where I was going, my family lives in a whole different country. Not only that, they also didn't approve of Tom in the first place so when if I come to them, crying about my husband having an affair, they would give me even more hard time. I pulled into the parking lot to the first hotel I saw. It was a nice 4 star hotel that's in a quiet and calming area, perfect for clearing my head. I booked in a hotel room for a week just in case I needed some more time to myself, which I know I will. The lady at the register could sense my frustration so she offered a spa which I kindly declined. I went to my room, tossed my bag on the bed, sat down at the edge and let out more sobs.

I hate this. Why did all of this happen? Everything was going so perfectly. How did my life come to this? I lay down on the bed, stared into the ceiling and wondering what would be happening right now if Tom didn't do what he did. I barely knew what happened between him and his mistress. God, I don't even know who she is and I don't want to know. What will I do now? I lost the ability to trust him so how can I continue a marriage like this. But I also love him so much that I'm not ready to lose him. I don't think I'll ever be ready. All those memories we made together, the memories that once gave me a reason to live is now the exact opposite reason. I wish I could just disappear. Humans naturally find the sudden change in life threatening. This change, is causing me so much torture. When can the pain stop. Did Tom lie everytime he said that he loved me? All this time, I thought we were both in love, both stayed faithful to one and other. I wish tom didn't do what he did. I wish I didn't say yes to his proposal. I wish I never met him.