#how to say hi without needing to feel need to live up to source tutorial reddit

[lovestarvedcupid]

draw them, so not without them, distraction

very sane without, as can see (am not)

[anipgarden]

Hi Ani - I wonder do you have some resources or insights about collecting wildflower seeds? Particularly in bulk, and prepping them for distribution?

I ask because I've noticed that no-mow areas are becoming more common where I live, which is good, but since these are new projects what they amount to are areas of grass-but-taller. I have access to two properly wild abundance, and would like to propagate some of that in upcoming no-mow spaces.

Hello!

I would like to preface this by making it clear that I've never collected wildflower seeds in bulk. Honestly, the most wildflower seed collecting I usually do year by year is collecting milkweed seed when I find the pods in time, in my own backyard. Every so often I'll try and teach myself how to collect seeds from other plants (I'm pretty confident with sunflowers, tithonia rotundifolia, and zinnias, I've tried black eyed susans before but never germinated any to test the success), but for the most part I've got my One (1) specialty and am slowly learning just like you are!

With that in mind, I would like to give some encouraging news--at least in my experience, wildflowers are already producing seeds in pretty big numbers! Just one milkweed seed pod gives enough seed for at least two or three seed packets (unless your seed packs are extremely generous), so collecting from a handful of plants can give a pretty good amount! Of course, though, I don't know how big the no-mow spaces you're thinking of propagating in are...

When it comes to learning how to collect seeds from specific plants, I usually hit up Google or YouTube and find a tutorial there. A channel I often find myself on for this stuff is GrowIt BuildIt--he has a playlist dedicated to all of his seed-saving videos that you may find helpful!

The Xerces foundation also has a downloadable PDF on their site that speaks extensively about a variety of seed collecting and cleaning methods which may be helpful as well! They talk about machine-collecting as well as hand-collecting.

I will say, though, that a general good rule of thumb is to try not to take more than 20-30% of what's present, so that the wildflower population in that location can continue on. Wouldn't want to wipe out chances of wildflowers growing in one location in order to propagate them elsewhere! Not to mention the various animals that feed on seeds in the wild needing some seed around as a food source. Maybe collecting along the edges of the property, along paths where any seeds that fall would otherwise get trimmed or mowed? That way the seeds in the middle of it all are left as-is!

I can definitely say that one of the general things I've learned is that oftentimes, seeds are ready to collect from plants when they're looking pretty fucking dead. The backs of a sunflower head turning brown, zinnia petals turning brown and brittle, tithonias losing all their petals and becoming spiky brown seedheads--if it's brown, it's time to go to town, in a sense.

Seeing as milkweed is My Thing, I just feel I should point out that there are many ways to harvest milkweed seed. Some people will put organza bags over seed pods that are forming, so that when they split open the seeds don't escape and stay in the bag for later collection.

I have no doubt that this works--if anything, I think it'd be fantastic! I just don't feel like buying a lot of organza bags, so instead I usually just put rubber bands on the seed pods if they look like they're gonna split soon--this keeps it from splitting all the way open, so you can come back later and get your seeds! This is my favorite method for saving milkweed in my backyard--one or two seeds will escape, but for the most part, all the seeds are kept intact!

Regarding getting the seeds without the fluff, there's a few methods. The fluff on them (called comas) is designed to allow the milkweed to float in the air, similarly to dandelions--so it gets everywhere. I've seen methods to put the seeds in a bag or bucket with a few coins and shake it around to dislodge the seeds, but honestly the most life-changing revelation was seeing this video sometime in high school.

A common milkweed seedpod is used in this example, but I've found it still works perfectly with other milkweeds I've tried it on. Usually I leave the center support in the pod and just press my thumb on it while brushing the seeds off, then shake them out.

At this rate! I have gone on about milkweeds way too long. But I hope this was helpful to you and others! If anyone else seeing this has special advice to give, by all means, go ahead!

[poof346]

Sonic Frontiers: Opening the Zones

Back on my Twitter account, I posted a Twitlonger review of Sonic Frontiers after beating it for the first time. Since I'm transitioning to posting my reviews here, I wanted a review of the game on this account but also didn't want to just copy and paste it. So, here's a different idea I came up with: reviewing the individual islands. I'll be evaluating the exploration, platforming, story content, minibosses and Titan battles. Spoilers will of course be expected. So, let's begin with the first, Kronos.

Being the beginning of the game, Kronos Island naturally serves an important function of teaching the player everything they need to know about the gameplay before opening up. You play Cyberspace levels for vault keys, solve a puzzle to open up the map, fight smallfry enemies and minibosses, and use skill points to unlock the Cyloop. Surprisingly, didn't find the tutorial annoying on my second go, it was over pretty quickly.

Once you're properly in the action, I'd say this is a pretty solid first island. The platforming in the open zone starts simple to get you comfortable with obtaining collectibles from the challenges, the starting minibosses are fun and manageable (yes, even Squid, I like it despite the memes). Amy's story is also enjoyable, demonstrating a more emotionally mature take on her character that wants to spread love to everyone. Honestly, the only disappointment at this point would be the Cyberspace levels, all of the layouts here are reused and don't feel as fun as their source games.

As the first Titan battle, BOY Giganto fits that role perfectly. This ain't your daddy's Super Sonic boss fight, the degree of spectacle present is way above what you'd see in previous titles. And while not demanding much from the player in terms of combat, I don't necessarily think it needs to be hard, it's very fun. Oh yeah, and it has THE BEST VOCAL TRACK IN ANY SONIC GAME, DON'T @ ME. Undefeatable is incredible, not just because I'm stunned they got Kellin Quinn from Sleeping with Sirens for a Sonic game, it kicks so much ass and sets a perfect mood for the fight.

Overall, Kronos Island is pretty good! With how many games usually have a slow start, this one lays the foundation without showing their whole hand too early. But with that foundation established, we move into Ares.

Ares Island is a very natural follow-up from Kronos, upping the ante with platforming, exploration, and combat. The terrain is more varied too, with tons of rocky canyons, mountains and an oasis. Enemies have some more fun solutions as well, my favorites being the spring you stomp after letting it fling you and the flying saucer thing you chase with its light trail. However, I do think the parasol enemy should've been reworked, at least make it so the camera doesn't hard lock towards it automatically.

The Cyberspace levels are still fairly whatever here, but the real star of the show is Knuckles. His story is great, and more than makes up for how recent games had been portraying him by just...getting everything right. He decides to lead an army of Koco in preparing the desert for war, feeling a kinship from his tribe. But when he discovers like his own tribe, they had already been wiped out long ago, the loneliness of being the last echidna sets in again, and Sonic cheers him up in an earnest conversation, gaining the resolve to live for himself and not just the memories of his people. This is GOOD.

Keeping in the theme of quality on the rise, Wyvern is a little tougher and better than the Giganto fight in pretty much every way. Flying on rails, you can use Super Sonic's parry to deflect missiles back at it for another counter opportunity, giving a SICK specialized animation where he throws Wyvern into a mountain and crumbles the whole thing. In general, more is asked of you in terms of fighting skill and the spectacle is better. The battle theme is a banger too, though I do have my preference for Undefeatable.

Ares Island, as a whole, greatly capitalizes on the potential of this open zone style and is a blast to run through. Let's see if the next one keeps the streak with Chaos.

Chaos Island is where the main story starts gearing towards its climax, with Sonic showing signs of fatigue from his quest to save his friends. The aesthetic fits this well, being a volcanic archipelago with lava and more platforming. Some would say...too much of it. Specifically the 2D, the game doesn't make it quite clear which sections are mandatory for progression so the place can be confusing to navigate in a way I felt the previous two weren't. Combat is about on par with previous, introducing a cool new enemy, a metal bird you can hitch a ride on after stunning it.

While the gameplay hasn't taken as big of a leap forward there, the Cyberspace stages are...starting to look up? Still not a highlight, but they're becoming less annoying at least. Speaking of less annoying, HALLELUJA THEY DID IT, TAILS IS A CHARACTER AGAIN! This one is my favorite character story in the game, as Ian Flynn masterfully demonstrated his skills in recontextualizing previous material. Like many others, I was disappointed in how the newer games were seemingly stripping Tails of his heroic edge, magnetized at Sonic's side. The method of course correction is clever in how simple, yet effective it is: Tails is still a kid, so he's not ready to be fully independent. It's okay for him to need help sometimes. Very happy with this direction.

Since I saw a lot of people talk about it on Twitter, figure I'll say: the pinball minigame was not that bad, you guys are just impatient. Was it perfect? No, but I really didn't run into that many issues with it on both of my playthroughs. Anyway, Titan battle with Knight. Another good one! Features the game's most interesting use of Sonic's parry in the desperation phase, having to angle it to throw the dude's shield back at em, as well as having another cool cinematic counter (evidently based on the movie). Find Your Flame is also a sick battle theme, seeing the return of Tyler Smyth on vocals after Forces.

Chaos Island is still fun, but doesn't quite reach the heights of the last two areas in my opinion. The next one is...less traditional, and you'll see why, if you don't know already.

Rhea Island is probably the way it is due to time constraints, originally a chunk from Kronos Island SIGNIFICANTLY pulled back in scope to house 6 different towers as linear platforming challenges. Reaching the peak of each tower also delivers lore cutscenes about the Ancients, showing them as beings from another planet who brought the Chaos Emeralds to Earth after the Master Emerald pulled their ships in. Because of this structure, Rhea is over much faster than usual and doesn't have any exploration or bosses to speak of, so I'll mostly be rating the platforming.

It's good stuff, mainly highlights how I don't think the game NEEDED Cyberspace levels, the original platforming ends up being more fun to me. Cause y'know, they can build the layouts with this Sonic's handling in mind. Once you clear the final tower, the blue boy becomes a cyber vegetable for like, a minute in what I consider the narrative's biggest missed opportunity. With how much the character stories were building up his friends doing their own thing, I thought playing as them would make a fun gimmick for the final island. But they join hands and enter Sonic's heart to bring him back to normal. Hopefully they're fun in the announced update.

Rhea doesn't exactly fit neatly with the other areas but I think I like it for what it is? A short gauntlet of self-contained platforming stages? For better or worse, I'm less conflicted on the final island, Ouranos.

Getting straight to the point, Ouranos Island is super underwhelming as a final area and feels like a gameplay stopgap after the team didn't want to end on Rhea. So they took ANOTHER part from Kronos Island for a more traditional open zone. It just feels stale in terms of content, with all the minibosses being hard mode recolors of previous ones, the environment and memory tokens being copied, and the difficulty being a noticeable step back from Chaos in terms of platforming.

Not really helped by the fact that nearly all the cutscenes are optional and seeking them out has the game spell out the lore from Rhea Island in case you didn't get it. Paradoxically, though, this was where I actually started liking the Cyberspace levels? They saved pretty much all the good layouts for this area, and I ended up looking forward to playing them for once. So maybe the idea could still work? I dunno, this island is a mixed bag. Eventually, I made my only visit to Big of this playthrough and splurged on collectibles because I was checked out.

Unfortunately, even the Titan battle, Supreme, is a big letdown. Weak spectacle, not very creative battle gimmick, and if you come in with a high attack stat, the dude drops like a fly. I'm Here is a great song but not a great boss theme if you get me? Like, I don't think it matches well and kinda wish Vandalize played here instead. The worst part is playing on Normal or Easy difficulty has the game skip what I consider the more satisfying final boss, The End. The gameplay changes to an Ikaruga-inspired shoot-em-up but I think it's more engaging, the music actually fits, and the monologue adds some menace.

I definitely see why this isn't a popular take. The hacking minigames at least try to prime you for the fight beforehand but it's still a massive departure from other boss fights. Also quite a bit more difficult than the Titans, I can see people less versed in the genre struggling a lot here. But me personally, I welcomed the challenge and enjoyed The End thematically. With the Ancients being hyped as this culture with great significance lost to time, it makes sense for the final threat to represent their metaphorical and literal death, having driven possibly hundreds or thousands of other civilizations into obscurity. Plus the boss theme is a nice mix of somber and triumphant, great stuff.

Ouranos, despite featuring a cool true final boss, is pretty weak as a finale and a sign that some parts of Frontiers still had to be rushed.

As a whole, I think the islands reach a good bar of quality and make a case for why Sonic should strive forward with this new direction for the series. Not all hits, but I've come to expect at least some imperfections when it comes to this blue bastard. If anything, I see it as worth celebrating that they got so much right on a first go, means they won't have to modify this formula too much in the next game and can focus on higher quality.

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

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June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

[the-void-i-scream-into]

White Tulips - a JunJin fanfic 1/3

Full Story: Part 2, Part 3

Hello everyone! I hope everyone who is reading this is healthy and safe. This is a fanfic about my favorite characters, Kang Sujin and Han Seojun. I really love these two together so I wrote what I had hoped to see in True Beauty. This is my first time writing fanfiction so its not that good. But I hope you still enjoy it. I didn’t change anything from True Beauty, rather continued the events from the ending with a focus on giving Sujin the redemption arc she so rightly deserved. 

I really have to thank everyone on the shooters gc, especially @prodmina, for being so amazing and awesome. Never before have I come accross such amazing, wonderful, open and friendly group of people. I’m not that active on the chat, but I am so grateful it exists. Thank you to everyone on there. This is dedicated to you all.

Pairing: Kang Sujin x Han Seojun

Romantic Trope: Haters to friends to lovers

Word Count: 5.9k

Rating: T

PART 1

i.

If you asked Han Seojun why he loved Lim Jukyung, he wouldn’t be able to answer. His feelings for her overwhelmed him to the point of inarticulation. His heart still skipped a beat every time he saw her at dinner with their group. He still found himself staring at her from time to time, unable to look away from her beauty. He even wrote songs about her, his only form of expressing his love for her.

He still thought of her in every free minute he had between practice, performance and recording sessions. When he couldn’t see her, he would watch her make-up tutorials online. He was proud of how far she had come with her career as a make-up artist. Her popularity was a source of delight for him. It was only appropriate that everyone see how amazing she was.

The only problem was, Lim Jukyung didn’t belong to him. She belonged to Lee Suho, his best friend.

Seojun was happy for the two of them. They were the best people he knew and even he had to acknowledge that they belonged together. Which was why, having these feelings were burdensome for Seojun.

It was burdensome, seeing them all lovey-dovey with each other and talking about their lives together. Normally Seojun would have faked a smile, but when they were all together in a group he scowled without reserve. He got away with it because right beside Suho and Jukyung, sat Taehoon and Suah who were the kind of cheesy couple that made anyone barf.

In fact, just the thought of Suah and Taehoon fawning over each other made him cringe. Even now as he walked into the special private room they frequented for their gatherings—private due to Seojun’s and Jukyung’s popularity—Seojun was pushing back his gag reflex at the squealing he could hear outside.

He scolded them as he entered the room. “Guys! I can hear you all the way from the front entrance. Why are you always so—” He stopped in his tracks. There, between a giggling Jukyung and beaming Suah sat the worst person Seojun had ever known.

Her.

He had heard peripherally about how she had changed now, having reformed as a charity worker. She had apparently apologized to Jukyung about the shitty things she had done before. As if an apology could change anything.

Han Seojun knew Jukyung had forgiven Kang Sujin. That woman had even attended Heekyung’s wedding. But Seojun didn’t understand why she had to invade their special gatherings.

The room had fallen silent. Everyone awkwardly stared at Seojun, then Sujin.

“It’s been a while, Han Seojun.” She said with a polite smile. Her voice deeper than most girls’. He always hated her voice and its lack of femininity.

Ya Han Seojun, are you a gangster?!

Seojun pushed the memory away.

“Ah-aah! Han Seojun. You must be surprised.” Jukyung said with forced cheerfulness. “I invited Sujin to join us today.

Seojun merely flicked a cynical brow at Jukyung and took his usual seat besides Suho. Suah and Jukyung nervously returned to their conversation.

The uncomfortable air in the room subsided after a while and everyone chatted cheerfully with each other. Everyone except Han Seojun.

“I saw your performance on TV. You looked good.” Suho told Seojun.

“Why the hell have you invited Kang Soojin?” Seojun asked Suho in a hushed tone.

“She’s a friend, of course she’s invited.”

“Why are you friends with her again?”

“Seojun, its fine.”

Seojun opened his mouth to protest but before he could, Sujin interrupted him.

“Ya, Han Seojun. I saw your performance on TV. I didn’t know you could sing so well.” She said, not sounding too impressed. “You were great.”

It was a peace offering. A way to start off on the right foot.

Seojun gave a sarcastic smile and tilted his head. “You should have known I was that good. I performed in school, didn’t I?”

“Oh right. I guess I didn’t really pay attention before.”

“You were too busy giving all of your attention to Lee Suho. I don’t expect you to have noticed anybody else.”

This time, the silence in the room was palpable. Taehoon audibly gulped. The only person unfazed was Sujin.

“Yeah. I was obsessed with Suho.” She said simply. “But now that I look back,” she made a frame with her forefingers and thumbs, “I think what the hell does Jukyung see in you?”

“Ya!” Suho protested so seriously that Jukyung giggled, breaking the tension.

“Honestly Jukyung. You’d be better off with me as your boyfriend.” Suah and Taehoon joined the laughter.

“Ya Kang Sujin, you stay away from my girlfriend.” Suho protested, pouting.

“You’re too serious, Lee Suho. Jukyung needs someone more fun.”

“At least I don’t go around kicking people in the face.”

“You wouldn’t be able to do it, even if you tried.”

“I know jujitsu, you know.”

“Okay, okay!” Jukyung said. And that was it, the friends were back to normal.

Seojun kept out of the conversations, eating and drinking on his own. No one dared to bother him lest he say something else to ruin the mood.

Han Seojun didn’t care to maintain a good mood. He had no tolerance for people like Kang Sujin; people who were bullies. And especially not when said bully had hurt someone he cared about very deeply. He didn’t buy this act that Sujin was pulling. He knew, that people never changed.

The conversation turned to Sujin and her charity work overseas. She talked animatedly about the children she and her non-profit group worked for. It made Seojun’s blood boil, how she was using a noble cause as a front for her true cold-hearted personality. That angel bullshit may work on others, but it would not work on Seojun.

He kept a close eye on her the entire time, almost glaring to the point where Suho had to poke him with his elbow to get him to look away. But Suho was blind, he should have seen how Sujin’s face gave the barest of glances of pain when he and Jukyung kissed each other and pulled each other’s cheeks and talked about living together.

“Oh, you guys share an apartment?” No one else noticed the high-pitchiness of Sujin’s voice when she asked this. No one, expect Seojun.

And then there was the stolen glances at Suho. That was the final nail in the coffin. Seojun was convinced that Sujin was pretending to be over Suho. She was still in love with him. And that was a problem.

“What’s wrong with you?” Suho confronted Seojun outside, when it was just the two of them waiting for the others to leave.

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? Don’t you know the kind of person Kang Sujin is? How can you let her in again?”

“Calm down, Seojun-ah. That was all years ago.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that she hurt Jukyung.”

“She’s not a bad person. I know her better than you. She made a mistake.”

“She knew what she was doing.”

“Haven’t you ever made a mistake before? Or are you telling me that blaming me for Seyeon’s death was the right thing to do?”

Seojun was quiet.

“Seojun-ah, don’t take this the wrong way. You have a tendency to judge too quickly, and misunderstand. If you really hate her that much then talk to her and ask her about her reasons. Don’t just go on assuming something is the way it is because you think so.”

Seojun grit his teeth.

“Shall we go?” Jukyung came up from behind, taking Suho’s arm. The rest of the group was behind her.

“Yeah. Bye everyone. See you next time.” The couple waved as others waved back. “Seojun, I hope you’ll think about what I said.”

Seojun just nodded and waved too. He watched Jukyung and Suho disappear into the crowd on the street.

The rest of them said their goodbyes and went their way, Seojun leaving after giving Sujin a distrusting side-eye.

ii.

I don’t want to be a fool like you and be just friends, only to like him one sidedly.

It had been such a long time ago when Kang Sujin had said this to Han Seojun, but he remembered it like it was yesterday. That and a couple of other memories that played in his mind, causing whiplash.

Ya Han Seojun, are you a gangster?!

Those words especially felt like a slap on his face. He could actually feel his cheek burning at the image of Kang Sujin standing there in her uniform, telling off him and his boys about bullying Jukyung.

He had respected her back then, for having the guys to stand up for her friend. Even though she had been all haughty like some arrogant princess and thought him a fool, he had still respected her. He had never expected her to turn out to be such a vile person.

Am I handsome?

Yes.

No, no, no. That was one incident he refused to remember. It meant nothing. Only a source of surprise at her bluntness, nothing more.

“Seojun, we’re going to hit the showers now, are you done?”

Seojun didn’t hear Chorong as he ran on the treadmill. His body was in the gym but his mind as fully occupied by Kang Sujin, as it had been for the past week.

“Han Seojun, are you listening?”

She must have had a reason for suddenly showing up out of the blue. She had disappeared completely when the truth about her had been revealed online. Obviously, she ran away like a coward. If she was back now, it must be because she wanted something. Kang Sujin could be very calculating and manipulative.

Was it because of Lee Suho?

“Han Seojun!”

Chorong’s voice snapped Seojun out of his thoughts and he fell backward from his treadmill.

“OOOH! Are you okay?”

“YA! Why would you do that?!” Seojun snapped at Chorong as he got back up. He checked himself for bruises though his dignity caught the worst of it.

“Ah-nee, I called you so many times. You were totally checked out.” Chorong explained.

“Does that make sense? Why would I be checked out?”

“Well… you have been out of it this past week. Has something been bothering you?”

Something had been bothering him; something with silky, black hair and long legs.

“What? You met Kang Sujin?” His entire posse sounded as he told them about her return. Seojun put a finger in his ears as he was bombarded with questions.

“Did she apologize to Jukyung? Are they friends now?”

“Did she tell where she was all that time?”

“Is she still pretty?”

“Is she single?”

“What is she doing these days?”

Seojun ignored all of these useless inquiries.

“Hey! Did you al forget the kind of person she is? How could you ask if she is still pretty?”

“She must be. I bet she’s still the same.”

“She was never pretty.” Seojun declared. “I can never understand what people see in her.”

“That’s because you only have eyes for one.” One of them teased and the rest of them Ooh-ed like school girls.

“Ah, shikkeureo! Shut up!” Chorong said in defense of Seojun. Out of everyone, Chorong understood best how much Seojun still pined for Jukyung. “So, what exactly is bothering you about Kang Sujin?”

“I don’t trust her. Especially around Jukyung.”

“Wae? Do you think she might still be after Lee Suho.”

“Yes. At least I suspect so. I’m not sure what game she’s playing at but I’m not buying this angel persona she has on.”

“So? You can’t exactly stop Jukyung from choosing to be friends with her.”

“I feel I can convince Jukyung if I talk to her.”

“She might just tell you to try to get along with Sujin.”

This was true. Jukyung was too nice and trusting with people. Seojun thought long and hard.

“I’ll have to protect her. I’ll have to keep Kang Sujin away from Jukyung.”

iii.

He had been on his way to the studio, casually riding by on his bike, when he saw her. She was in some blue vest, clearly a uniform of some sort. She was handing out fliers to people who passed by, smiling widely with that fake innocent look she had perfected. What a crock of shit. Seojun swerved around and parked his bike, then sauntered up to her with an amused expression.

She lit up when she saw him approach, waving animatedly at him. Her happiness upon seeing him surprised him so much that he stumbled and almost fell. He played it off as nothing, hoping she hadn’t noticed.

“Ya Han Seojun, gimme your autograph.” She grinned as she pushed forward a petition to help kids in Africa.

Seojun didn’t take it. “What are you doing?” He asked rhetorically, looking at the pictures of children she had set up for people to see along with information as to how to donate. So she’s using these poor kids for her own selfish reasons?

“Huh?” Sujin hadn’t missed his tone. “Just sign it, its for a good cause. And being charitable will help your image too, no?” She tried appealing to his logic.

“Ooooh,” Seojun mocked, “So you keep up the pretense even when you’re not around Jukyung? Isn’t this a too much, Kang Sujin?”

Sujin’s smile dropped into a snarl, “What?”

“I’m on to you, Kang Sujin.” Seojun got up in her face. “Ah-nee, if you’re going to pretend to be all reformed then you shouldn’t make it too obvious. Charity work is a little too on the nose, don’t you think?”

Sujin stared at him in shock and anger. Seojun suddenly recalled how well Sujin had kicked those thugs who had kidnapped Jukyung back in high school and gulped. He hoped she wouldn’t try to kill him in public but it was too late to take back what he said.

“Han Seojun…” Sujin said through clenched teeth and Seojun prepared for the worst.

Ya Han Seojun! Are you a gangster?!

But she said nothing. Instead she calmed herself, exhaling through her mouth.

“I probably deserve that.” She said, not backing away or cowering from him. She pushed the flier in his chest, “But don’t make these kids suffer because of your anger towards me. They could really use the support.”

Seojun looked down at the flier. He couldn’t sign anything without the consent of his agency. So he folded it up and pocketed it. Along with his pride. He could put his ego aside for a good cause.

“These kids deserve a better person representing them than you.” Seojun said. Sujin pressed her lips tightly.

“Aren’t you being a little too harsh? I’m not the same person anymore. And Jukyung has—”

“You may have everyone else fooled, Kang Sujin. But I will always remember what you are.” With that, Seojun walked away, his hand twitching.

 iv.

The next time they all met up, Seojun made sure to sit between Sujin and Jukyung. He felt uncomfortable because he had to bump shoulders with her, but he would bear it for Jukyung.

Suho gave Seojun a warning look when they all sat down. Don’t do anything excessive, the look said. Seojun ignored it.

He could feel Sujin’s stiffness beside him. This was uncomfortable for her too. Good. If I’m suffering, she should too. But she kept up her polite façade, smiling like nothing bothered her.

Seojun made sure to keep her isolated from Jukyung. He didn’t let her speak to Jukyung, didn’t let her participate in the competitions. He even didn’t let her eat properly.

“Jukyung-ah, did I show you my pictures from—”

“Jukyung-ah, has your sister told you about the tour we’re planning?” Seojun interrupted.

Jukyung would be at a loss as to who to answer and Seojun would move forward, blocking Sujin.

When Suho or Jukyung tried to ask Sujin what she wanted to eat first, he took the first dish he saw and shoved it in front of her.  

“Here, have this Kang Sujin.”

“I don’t want it.” She said with an unamused look.

“Take it.” He ordered in his intimidating baritone.

They glared at each other , Sujin’s face twitching with annoyance. Seojun mentally dared her to snap at him but she swallowed her pride, quite literally, and put on a fake smile.

“Thanks.” She said dryly.

By the end of dinner, Han Seojun had successfully managed to annoy Kang Sujin. Her fake persona was slipping as she clenched her jaw and exhaled excessively to keep her temper in check. Seojun guessed he would have her true personality on display by the end of the night.

“Han Seojun what are you doing?” Suho confronted him outside.

“What did I do?” Seojun feigned ignorance.

“You need to sto—”

“Han Seojun. Let’s talk.” Sujin strode up to them from behind, her face set with determination.

“No.” Seojun said.

“I wasn’t asking. I was telling.” And there she was, the old Sujin. Gone was the politeness and friendly demeanor. She stared boldly at him, almost challenging him to refuse again.

“Seojun-ah, just hear her out.” Jukyung broke through their staring match. Seojun could never say no to her. But he didn’t get a chance to say yes either.

Sujin simply commanded, “Follow me,” and grabbed the collar of his jacket, dragging him away.

“Ya! What are you doing?!” But Kang Sujin was stronger than she looked and Seojun found himself being pulled against his will.

The rest of them could only stare.

“Do you think they’ll be alright?” Suah asked, concerned.

“Nope. I’m certain they’ll kill each other.” Suho replied nonchalantly.

“My money’s on Sujin.” Taehoon and Suah said together.

“You’re on.” Suho replied.

iv.

“Are you crazy? How could you grab me like that?” Seojun smoothened the collar of his coat that Sujin had bunched up in her fist. She had let go when he had said that he would follow enough times. They walked together, Sujin going ahead of him. He quickly put on his mask. “How can a girl be so strong?” He said under his breath. Then spoke aloud, “Is this any way to treat an idol?”

Sujin suddenly turned on her heels, stopping Seojun in his tracks. She was a little too close for comfort and looked intimidated with that unfiltered anger on her face. “Just shut up and follow.”

Seojun put his hands on his hips, tilting his head. He was unimpressed by her tough attitude. He gestured forward with his chin, “Then move.”

He followed her, keeping a small distance between them. She marched forward, taking long strides with her long, long legs. She looked like a general going to war.

“She calls me a thug. She should look at herself.” He mumbled.

Sujin led them to a secluded pocha, street food vendor with small plastic seats housed inside a plastic tent. Seojun adjusted his mask.

“Relax, no one here is going to recognize you.” Sujin said, sensing his discomfort. Indeed, when Seojun looked around, all he saw were hold ahjusshis getting drunk and babbling nonsense. None of them seemed like his fans.

Still, Sujin led them in a corner table and sat where he was hidden by her. She ordered two bottles of soju and side dishes for him. He simply watched with his arms crossed.

The silence between them was awkward and heavy. Neither of them said anything. Han Seojun openly stared at Sujin. Kang Sujin looked everywhere but him. The lady brought them their order. Sujin effortlessly opened a bottle and moved to fill his glass. Seojun put his hand on top of his glass to stop her.

With a sigh, he took the bottle from her and poured for himself. She followed suit. They both took a shot.

Sujin sat up straight, shuffling in her seat. She first looked down at her hands in her lap, then looked up, straight in his eyes.

“Mianhae.” It took him by surprise. More than that, the regret on her face moved him. If only by an inch. “I’m sorry, Han Seojun. What I did back then… I was going through some personal issues, and I took it out on Jukyung. But even that is not a good enough excuse. I shouldn’t have done what I did. And even what I said to you… even after you gave me a chance to delete the video… I’m sorry.” She gulped and Seojun mirrored her. “You were right. I was only destroying myself. I should have seen that. But I have changed now. I’m not the same person. I know you’re important to Jukyung. So I hope we can get along from now on.”

Seojun took another shot. He took a minute, considering her words.

“If its forgiveness you want, then Kang Sujin, there is nothing to forgive between us. Your fight was with Jukyung. Not me.” Sujin appeared relieved till Seojun added, “However, my problem with you isn’t because of old grudges. I just can’t trust you, Kang Sujin. I believe you still will hurt Jukyung, even if you don’t mean to. And I can’t let that happen.”

Sujin’s mouth became small. She jutted her jaw, pouring another shot for herself. She downed it aggressively before responding. “I’m not the same girl anymore. I’m not in love with—”

“I keep hearing that you’ve changed. But have you really? Can you honestly tell me that you’re over him?”

“I am over him.”

“Bull shit. I saw the way you were looking Suho. All throughout dinner—”

“Aren’t you just projecting your own feelings onto me?” Sujin interrupted.

Seojun laughed incredulously, “What?”

“The one who’s not over their unrequited love is you. You’re not over Jukyung.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. All these years you’ve been pretending to be her friend. Aren’t you the one being two faced?”

“I’ve already confessed to her. We even went on a date.” Seojun crossed his arms with a smirk.

This was news to Sujin, “Aah. Is that so? Then isn’t that more pathetic? Even though she clearly doesn’t want you—”

“Ya, Kang Sujin.”

“—you’re still not over her. I too saw how you looked at her. With that pathetic puppy dog expression on your face. Don’t you think this is awkward for Jukyung? Sitting there with her boyfriend and—”

“Shut your damn mouth.”

“Wae? Don’t like it when the tables are turned on you?” Sujin and Seojun glared at each other with hatred. Seojun poured and downed a shot. Sujin swallowed and looked away. This was not how she imagined this conversation going.

“I’m not in love with her.” Seojun declared.

Sujin snorted, “Hul. Then why is it you who is giving me this lecture and not Lee Suho? If I’m really such a threat to Lim Jukyung, then shouldn’t her boyfriend be the one to confront me? What gives you the right to treat me this way?”

Seojun paused. “I can give you a million reasons; that I’m her friend, that even though I’m not her boyfriend, she stills relies on me, that I’m doing this out of humanity.”

Sujin scoffed.

“That I don’t want to lose another friend because of bullying.”

Sujin’s face fell. She licked her lips as she considered his point of view. Then, wordlessly, she poured him a drink.

“I’m not a bully. I never was. I did a shitty thing that I’ve apologized for and now I’d like to move on with my life.” She poured herself a shot of soju too. “I care about Jukyung. I will always regret what I did to her. But I still have a chance at friendship and I am going to take it whether you like it or not.”

They both took the shot. Sujin poured them another.

“We both care about Jukyung. And she would want us to get along, or at least pretend to for her sake.” Sujin gave Seojun a pointed look. The ball was in his court now.

Seojun remembered how uncomfortable Jukyung had been because of his hostility towards Sujin. True, Sujin wasn’t the kind to be trusted. Seojun was a man of action, he didn’t believe in hollow words. But it was also true that fighting with Sujin all the time would cause problems in their peaceful little group. And although he was sure that when it came to it, everyone would choose him and not her, he still held up the shot glass and said, “For Jukyung’s sake.”

v.

The two drunken enemies staggered on the sidewalk, each supporting the other while trying not to fall; a drunk trying to steady another drunk.

“Ah-nee-ya, I’m not *hic* not in love with Jukyung. I don… I don…”

“Arassssso. And I’mf the Pwincess of England.” Sujin slurred, pushing Seojun upright as she tried to hail a taxi.

“Na ah-nee-ya. I’m not. Nope.” Seojun hiccuped.

“Ah just sstand still!” Sujin pushed his body away but his arm was still draped over her shoulder.

“Ah sshutup! Shut up you stupid Suijin!” Seojun started snickering at his own statement, “Hehehe. Stupid Suji. Sujinnie phabo.” Seojun pushed his weight onto her, still chortling.

“Ah stand still!!” Sujin wrapped an arm around his waist to hold him up. She was suddenly very aware of just how tall he was. Even with her own impressive height, he seemed too big.

A taxi finally stopped and Sujin struggled with pushing Seojun inside. She pushed him in with her legs when he bent over on the seat but refused to move further to give her room.

“Where to?” The driver asked when they both were seated.

“Han Seojun, tell him your address.”

Seojun fell to the other side, passed out. Sujin, who herself felt like passing out, leaned over to tap his face, “Han Seojun? Ya! Wake uuup.” He did not.

“Are we leaving or not?” The driver asked impatiently.

Sujin shook Seojun again. He stirred, only to mumble Jukyung’s name and pass out on her shoulder again. Sujin looked at the driver helplessly.

 vi.

The first thing Seojun felt was the pounding headache, it brought him out of a very nice dream he’d been having that he promptly forgot. He could feel his legs sticking out from the side of the bed. In turning over, his elbow punched into something.

“Oof! Ow! What the hell!”

Sujin kicked at him as she pressed her ribs in pain. They both were surprised to find themselves tangled in each other. It took them exactly three seconds to start screaming.

They both flew off the bed, Sujin hitting Seojun repeatedly with her pillow.

“Ow! Ow! Ah! OW!”

“Why. Are. You. In. My. Bed?!”

“Why am I here? Why are you here?”

“This is my room asshole!”

Seojun grabbed Sujin’s wrist to keep her from hitting him. He looked around and indeed it was Sujin’s room.

“What the hell happened?” He asked.

She kicked him in the shin, “How the hell would I know? Explain yourself, Han Seojun!”

“You explain! How can I end up here if you didn’t bring me?”

Sujin’s raised foot, about to kick Seojun, slowly lowered. She was suddenly hit with the memory of last night. Drunkenly trying to enter the code to her door as Seojun whined about missing Jukyung, stumbling into her apartment and dragging Seojun by his collar to the couch, falling on top of him as he fell and then immediately picking herself up and going into her room to pass out.

Seojun put his hands on his hips defiantly, “Kang Sujin. We got drunk last night didn’t we? Aish, chincha. I never thought you’d be the kind of girl to take advantage of a guy like that.”

“Ah-ni-godun! That would never happen! I only brought you here because you wouldn’t tell me your address.”

“Ah, what a nice excuse. And whose idea was it to go drinking any way? Was this your plan all along? Of course, its understandable that you’d want a rebound with the most handsome guy around.”

Sujin scoffed in disbelief. “That’s not the case!” She protested. “And what handsome? I find you laughable.”

“And I find you detestable.”

“Then why did you come into my bedroom when I left you out on the couch?”

A flash of memory sparked in Seojun’s mind; of getting up, using Sujin’s bathroom and going into the bedroom thinking he was at Chorong’s place.

The red spreading on his cheeks was a dead giveaway to Sujin that she had him.

Seojun cleared his throat, “No matter what, this isn’t what it looks like.”

“Of course, it doesn’t.”

They stood there awkwardly for a moment as they wondered what to do next. They both spoke together.

“You should probably go.”

“I should leave.”

A rare agreement. They both nodded in sync.

“But… is there a back door to your apartment? I can risk having my face seen leaving a girl’s apartment.”

Sujin licked her lips as she considered this. “I think I have an idea.”

From the outside, Kang Sujin’s apartment door cracked open, just enough for two heads to poke out to check if the coast was clear. One of those heads was wearing a beanie, a mask and sunglasses. The other was Sujin. They both sneaked out of her apartment and beelined for the emergency stairs.

“Why is your apartment so up high?”

“We can always go in the elevator where my neighbors can see you.”

“I hate you.”

Finally making it out the back exit, the two relaxed.

“How are you going to get home?” She asked him.

“I’ll take the bus. Nobody will recognize me when I’m like this.”

“You shouldn’t underestimate fangirls.”

Seojun chuckled, “Never do. Bye then.”

Seojun turned, then paused, then turned back. “Kang Sujin.” He called out to her just as she was about to go in. “Thanks… for not just abandoning me last night.” It was the most difficult thank-you he had ever said.

Sujin simply nodded. “Get home safely.”

 vii.

Sujin didn’t remember going back up to her apartment, just the click of the door shutting behind her that pulled her out of her daze.

She had just spent the night with Han Seojun. Admittedly, it meant nothing, but it still felt weird and she didn’t know what to do about it.

Maybe I should have asked him to eat before he went. He must have been hungry. She thought. And then scolded herself, Ah-nee, why would I care about him? He doesn’t matter to me anyway.

Traces of Han Seojun still lingered in her apartment; the bedsheet that had fallen on the floor, along with the pillow she had assaulted him with, his spicy scent on the bed and a metal ring on her bedside table that he must have taken off during the night.

Sujin held up the ring, looking through it. She would give it to him later, if they met again. She hoped they didn’t. She was already dreading the thought of encountering him again.

Kang Sujin didn’t let herself think too much about last night. She changed her sheets, showered and firmly put all thoughts of a certain idol out of her mind. He was just a silly twerp who had been a thug in high school and was now just an idol. He had nothing to do with her, nor she with him.

She had better things to do, like her work.

If you’re going to pretend to be all reformed then you shouldn’t make it too obvious. Charity work is a little too on the nose, don’t you think?

Nope, she wasn’t going to let that idiot get to her. Who was he to treat her like this? Next time she saw him, she would kick him in the face. Yes, that’s what she would do.

I keep hearing that you’ve changed. But have you really? Can you honestly tell me that you’re over him?

All day long Sujin’s hand twitched with the need to be scrubbed clean. They kept getting clammy and sticky. She wanted to scrub, scurb, scurb them of all the dirt and the grime and the filth of her past self. Sujin had believed that she had kicked this bad habit of unnecessarily cleaning her hands, but apparently she hadn’t.

My problem with you isn’t because of old grudges. I just can’t trust you, Kang Sujin. I believe you still will hurt Jukyung, even if you don’t mean to.

“Well who the hell wants your trust?” Sujin argued with the wind.

“Is everything okay?” One of the girls she worked with asked.

“What? Oh-um-yeah. Everything is fine! Just… talking to myself.” She put on a fake cheery attitude and shook her head.

It was only when Sujin’s day was finally over, and she was back in her empty apartment, leaning against her front door, that let herself feel the misery she had been suppressing.

Of course that Han Seojun hates me. What reason does he have not to?

Even the person who had been obligated to love and protect her, had only ever seen her as worthless. If her own father, couldn’t treat her with decency, then why should she expect a stranger to?

Her small apartment suddenly seemed so much bigger now. Big and empty, with shadows extending from the ground to the roof.

Kang Sujin, were you always such a piece of trash?

She hadn’t answered him back then. But in these quiet moments, she allowed herself to admit, “Yes, Han Seojun. I was always such a worthless piece of trash.”

Back when she had been a kid—running away from her problems in school, from what she had done to Jukyung—she would let this darkness take over. It would eat her inside and out till she was just a shell. However, now that he had grown up, she had learned how to deal with this on her own.

Sujin pushed herself off of the door and walked into her room, turning on all of the lights. Rest, she needed rest. And food, before anything else. Most of the time her depression would just be weakness caused by hunger. She was indeed careless with her health.

Her phone buzzed suddenly. It was a message from Jukyung. She would respond later. First she would spend time on herself. But then, almost immediately, there was a message from Suah. Then Suho. Even Taehoon. Then the phone lit up with a call from Jukyung.

“What’s going o—”

“Kang Sujin, have you seen the articles?”

“What?”

“There’s articles about you and Seojun dating.”

“WHAT?” It took Sujin a full minute to process what Jukyung was saying. She was speaking but Sujin didn’t hear the rest. Jukyung’s voice was muted from the speaker as Sujin searched through Naver for her and Seojun’s name.

“It’s all over the internet.” Jukyung was saying. “Someone’s posted pictures of you and Seojun together. Sujin-ah. Is that really you? Are you and Seojun dating?”

The room began to spin and Sujin had the urge to kick someone in the face.

“Jukyung-ah. I’ll call you back.”

What the hell happened?”

The articles Sujin found showed her and Seojun exiting her building. It was from this morning. Seojun’s face was well hidden but she could be clearly seen. From the way the pictures were taken, it looked as if the two were involved in something together.

Sujin’s phone suddenly lit up with an unknown number. She knew it could only be Han Seojun.

She pressed answer.

Some JunJin images I came up with just for fun

[duchess-fox]

Lessons from the Screen: Juliet Sharp (Gossip Girl)

Juliet was a controversial character - you either loved her or hated her. I personally liked her character and feel the writers did her dirty with the drugging of Serena storyline (because in the GG world, underdogs and social climbers must be squashed). I think there's a lot to learn from this character, more so than any of the others especially in the journey to levelling up.

Who is Juliet?

Juliet is strictly middle class. Her family lives in a nicer part of the United States - Cornwall, Conneticut - but she herself did not attend the private school in the area. Her half brother was a teacher at that private school.

Juliet is both streetsmart and booksmart. She has the booksmarts to get into Columbia and she has the streetsmarts to put an elaborate plan to take down Serena into action.

Columbia and Keeping Up

She attends Columbia, an ivy league school, but not without her cousin's help. We see that Juliet relies on him for her tuition and living expenses. Most college students would work to supplement their meager income - however Juliet does not.

Juliet joins Hamilton House and eventually becomes their key master. This pursuit was probably almost full time work in itself.

Juliet was able to successfully plant herself among the children of members of high society and would have likely have successfully found herself married into their ranks if not for her involvement with Serena & Co.

Juliet's Downfall

Juliet is forced to bow out of the scene (a possibly withdraw from university) after forcing Serena into an institution.

Her single-mindedness and desperation to exact justice for her brother leads to her cousin cutting off her financial support and possibly being forced to withdraw from Columbia.

Lessons we can learn

The right place, at the right time

We, and Nate, are first introduced to Juliet when Nate takes his one-night stand date to brunch at Norma's - an upscale restaurant. She's there reading The House of Mirth and drinking a coffee. She's a refreshing change to the girls that Nate has been seeing lately who seems to only have a handful of phrases in her pretty head.

Lesson: Being at the right place, at the right time can help you meet potential friends and even partners. Like Juliet, you don't have to be there for breakfast, just there reading a book and drinking coffee. So even though you might not want to spend too much money on eating out, buying a coffee is relatively inexpensive. Treat it as if you're taking yourself out on a date - maybe even get yourself a slice of cake and enjoy it slowly along with your book. Make sure the place is upscale, make sure your book is physical (no e-readers - it's hard to have conversation about a book when people can't see what you're reading).

Learn to DIY beauty treatments

In order to keep up with fellow Hamilton House club members, she had to be resourceful. She learned to blowdry her own hair and likely did other beauty treatments herself.

Lesson: If you can't afford to have your nails and hair done, learn how to do them yourself! I do my own gel manicures and I use Korean products, the exact same ones as the salon I used to go to. While you might not be able to source the exact products a salon will use (since a lot of products are professional only), you can still get some quality products. There are also heaps of tutorials online on how to do your nails and your hair.

Stretch your resources when it comes to your wardrobe

We primarily see Juliet in a lot of neutrals - namely grey. She probably also has the only wardrobe that remains somewhat relevant today. She also needs to dress for the kind of crowd she wants to be a part of.

She goes to an outlet to buy designer clothes and if she does buy from the department stores in the city, she returns them after she wears them. She even has a tagging gun to put the tags back on. She also subscribes to Rent the Runway to supplement her wardrobe.

Lesson: While I don't condone the returning of worn clothing, if you have to have some designer clothes, Rent the Runway is great for that - it allows you to rotate clothing at a fee which is good if you have special occasions to dress for.

In saying that, designer clothing is very hit or miss (as evidenced by the other character wardrobes from Gossip Girl). You're much better off having some classic, timeless pieces - sheath dresses, blazers, button downs, simple sweaters, jeans that look amazing on you (regardless of what silhouette is currently in fashion). You can always accessorize with jewelry, bags, belts and shoes.

Men don't give a shit about what designer bag/shoes you're wearing as long as it looks expensive. So you don't have to get an expensive bag - just one that looks high quality and therefore expensive (I should probably do a post on what to look out for).

Put your best interests first

Juliet loses everything because she's too busy trying to get revenge for her brother who doesn't seem the least bit remorseful that he cost his sister her education and possibly her future. Her cousin stops funding her tuition when she gets involved in his relationship with Serena.

Lesson: So, think of your own best interests first. Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm!

[marvel-download-tutorial]

How to Download Marvel comics for free!

I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while especially since we’re all stick inside but last week Marvel made the shitty decision to transition various print titles to digital only, meaning they’re directly taking revenue away from local shops rather than delay the titles, so since Marvel thinks digital comics is such a cool idea I’m gonna show you how to download as many as you’d like! (oh also this is for windows only, idk how to do it if you own a mac but also you’re rich anyways so who cares buy the comics richie)

I don’t want to take money away from the people that need it, not the actual companies of Marvel and DC fuck them they’re dying and they deserve it, but for my own rationalizing I want to take a minute to plug the Hero Initiative, basically what it is an organization that provides for comic creators that are having hard times, comics are a rough industry and you don’t get into it to get rich, I won’t go into it too much you can read for yourself but it’s been endorsed by Stan Lee, Justin Ponsor, Mike Grell, Skottie Young, Rags Morales, a lot of big names, so I’d ask if you do follow this guide and download some comics for free please consider donating to the Hero Initiative (they also sell autographed prints and you can commission some really famous artists)

anyways onto the good stuff! I’m going to be doing a fairly brief but easy to follow guide, there will be links at the bottom of the post so look for those, I’ll probably be making a few other posts with some more info so also check back for those if my blog is still here

What do I need?

You’re going to need 4 basic things if you want to do this as easily and safely as you can 

1) a good anti-virus

2) anonymous web browser (Tor)

4) a safe and reliable source for the comics

4) a torrent program to download the comics

Also optional: VPN

Anti-Virus 

it’s good to remember when torrenting that no one is your friend, everyone is out to trick you and no one cares, honestly you should also have a good anti-virus though, I’m not really gonna tell you which one you should have but Norton 360 is pretty good but say that in a room of CS majors is the quickest way to start a fist fight, honestly just google it, you’re gonna have to do some research, but really you’re good as long as you don’t go with Avast or Kaspersky, I’m going to go over typical tricks and traps later to ensure safety, this is just basic overall security thing

Anonymous Web Browser (Tor)

next we’re gonna download Tor (you can do this before getting a VPN, like I said either one is going to put you on a list but using one to cover you getting the other at least mitigates it lol) Tor is a great open source project that allows for basically complete anonymous web browsing, it’s a project dedicated to privacy and disruption of corporations ability to control every aspect of our lives, also a friend of mine bought K off silk road with it once in highschool, really not too much you need to know about it before using it, just download it, let it configure and you’re good, also use Duck Duck go that it comes with, don’t switch it to chrome or anything, Duck Duck go is anonymous search service which better lends to Tor’s protection

Where to get the torrents

Now this is really important because you can have everything else set up but without a safe reliable source none of this is gonna do any good, but this is the dangerous part, torrent sites are notorious traps (I bricked more than on family PC on limewire) and this is why I said earlier to remember these people are not your friends and are out to hurt you, don’t click banner ads, don’t believe pop ups, make sure your virus protection is on and it’s a very good idea to have an adblocker on, also look out for another post I’ll be making on what download buttons to trust for different popular torrent sites

when talking comics (and remember specifically only Marvel comics) there’s no other name out there than Nemesis43, he is a god and he’s going to be your new best friend, there are groups and sites out there that do comic scans that you have to pay to join or like apply to join, that shit’s dumb as hell and I’ve never used them once and I’ve got more comic than I can read in my lifetime, you don’t need em and you especially don’t need to give them money, donate to the Hero Initiative instead

Nemesis has moved around a bit in the past (if you remember the WWT debacle) right now the main site for him is ettv (there will be a link at the end of the post) sites a bit barren but he’s there, he also has a reddit he gives updates on very rarely, generally if he moves he adds where his new home is in a text doc in his recent uploads, I fully trust him and his uploads, he’s been doing this for years and I’d never have a second thought downloading from him, also because he uploads so much he’s often very highly rated and verified on whatever site he’s on

The second place I’d recommend is getcomic (again there will be a link at the end), now this is very important, never donate to them, they kinda suck, basically they’re plugged into a bunch of different scanner groups and just steal those scans and put them up and then ask for donations, basically they’re just an aggregate (Nem kinda is too but he doesn’t ask for donations and stuff), they usually use browser downloads which are a complete pain so I’d really recommend Nemesis over them but they do have TheComicGuy on torrent galaxy for larger files but that updates a lot less frequently then the main site, again I trust these guys (as long as you’re on the actual site) but don’t trust any banner ads or pop ups, also for downloading they give multiple options, a lot are very sketchy, just use the main server

also there’s other sites like readcomics or newcomics, never used em, don’t like em, use at your own behest 

On sites like ettv you’re gonna want to use the magnet, someone years ago told me it was safer and I just believed them and have always used em, not sure if it’s true but it’s worked so whatever, really you shouldn’t be too worried about this stuff and if you follow this guide you’re going to be way over prepared to download comics, really no one cares about comic torrenting, movies, video games, tv shows that’s the stuff people really get caught on, this is just nerd shit

I’m going to be making another post showing how to use these sites, and other sites comic can be found on so look back at my blog for that

Torrent program

This is pretty basic, just get utorrent, it’s what I’ve always used, it works, whatever, definitely look this up with a VPN on or on Tor, it’s simple to use, I’ll be doing a short tutorial on how to make it even safer

Lastly this one is optional but a pretty good idea, for more than just this

VPN aka Virtual Privacy Network

honestly you can get the anonymous web browser (Tor) or the VPN first, their both going to help cover you downloading the other and honestly both are going to put you on a list for googling them (which is why I suggest looking for someone who just already has the .exes ((I always keep them on a thumbdrive for when I have to reset one of my computers)), I might try to make a google drive with em but also I might not bc that sounds like work and I’m already typing all this up), anyways I’m not really gonna explain what a VPN is, there’s a lot of resources that can explain it better than I can but basically it masks what you do on the internet, there’s a lot of choices when picking a VPN but the big thing I looked for when choosing mine was 1) non-US based so it’s harder for US investigation agencies to request stuff for them or get anything from them 2) one that doesn’t keep logs, honestly they all do even if they say they don’t, but you wanna look for one that hasn’t turned over many logs to US agencies and 3) unlimited peer 2 peer connections which is complicated but basically means you can torrent stuff anonymously and with decent speed. Like Anti-Virus there are a ton of different VPN’s out there, you really have to do research because there are actual accounts of FBI agencies crating VPN’s telling people they’re anonymous when really they had direct access to all the info, I haven’t done any research but NordVPN seems kinda like one of these, really the more they advertise the more suspicious I am, Just google “best vpn 2020″ and look at like 5 lists and read the the stuff, personally I use IPvanish which unfortunately is US based and while it gave over logs in 2016 even thought they said they didn’t keep any but now they’re owned by a new company that super double promises they don’t (again who cares they all do) but they’ve allow P2P and use 256-bit AES encryption

I wanna take a second to mention that this isn’t going to be free, this is the only place you’re going to be spending money (besides donating to Heroe Initative of course), a good VPN is about $100 a year which all in all isn’t terrible, technically you can just get by on the anonymous browser but this gives you an extra layer of security to pretty much ensure you won’t get caught and plus in the ever worsening internet hell world a VPN is becoming more and more important, I’m sure you can find articles about it but yea you don’t technically need a VPN but it’s useful for more than just this

How to work it all

Ok so this is gonna be a little stream of consciousness, as this all kinda has been, so sorry but I’m gonna try and explain it as best I can and also feel free to ask any questions on this blog, I’ll check back eventually I’m sure

So first thing first, make sure you’re virus protection is on and you’re connected on your VPN if you’re using it (you can google “what is my IP” to double check it’s working) then load up Tor, let it load and connect up and whatever, then go to https://www.ettvdl.com/user/Nemesis43 (I’m just gonna show this with Nemesis43, maybe I’ll make another one for getcomics but that’s pretty straight forward, also nem is better)

now remember we’re only here for Marvel comics, so scroll past all those thousands of other comics this would work exactly the same for, I’m gonna go for Ant-Man #4 which was released on the 13 as a digital only comic despite the first three issues being physical copies and now sit on my shelf forever unfinished making me look like a complete penis

it may take a while but it’s going to look like this, click on the blue words, it’s gonna take you to a page that looks like this

now from here we’re going to get the magnet link, right click and select copy link address, I like doing this because it limits my interactions with the page, note the advertisement at the top telling me I need a VPN despite thinking I’m in Guadalajara (which for legal reasons I am)

just copy that and then go to utorrent and click the add link

it’ll open a little box, it should add the link automatically, if it doesn’t just hit ctrl+V

hit ok and it’ll load it up, it might need to download some metadata but after that it should be good, oh also it might bring up a window basically asking where you want to save it and what to name it, you can set all that up in preferences, I did so I just turned that window off and can’t be assed to turn it back on, just hit ok if you don’t wanna bother with that stuff, it’ll go into your downloads by default

and that’s it really, it’s that easy, I might make another thing talking about how to make utorrent more anonymous or whatever so look for that, but stock it’s fine, also when it’s finished downloading it’s gonna start seeding (like uploading to someone else) I’ve always been a scumbag and I never seed but Nemesis seeds stuff so much you really don’t need to anyways, just select it and hit the stop button (the black square on the tool bar)

here are all the links I could think of

Hero Initiative

download Tor

here’s a guide for VPNs

download utorrent

song I found recently that I like

getcomics

Nemesis

so yea that’s pretty much the basics, be smart, be safe, any viruses you get are on you but I hope you found this helpful and feel free to ask any questions

oh and also this is all parody and I’ve never actually torrented anything, I don’t even own a computer

[gyakutengagotoku]

GS4 vs AJ:AA - Episode 1, Part 1

Look, guys! I’m being productive again! Hooray, it feels exhausting just as I remember it did!

As done before, every post I make will contain differences between the source Japanese and localized English versions of the same game, as well as further details about them, up to the following “To be continued...” screens and eventually the ending credits. As always, there are so many ways the localization can dress up certain lines in the original script to make them into jokes or at least more colorful, so I’m not going to pick out every one. It would take us an eternity longer than my hiatuses to finish otherwise.

To think it took a freakin’ indie game that's like Mafia but with astronauts and tasks to bring me back to the Ace Attorney community and back to my blog’s roots. Is this what they mean by “Circle of Life”? All I know is that I’m constantly running around in circles, both metaphorically and literally.

--

> Court Lobby

<Kristoph> やれやれ。ずいぶんカタくなってる みたいだね。 You look tense, Justice. Wound up tight.

<Apollo> そ。そんなコトないです！ カンゼンに大丈夫ですから、オレ！ W-Wound up, sir? No! I'm loose! I'm fine!

<Kristoph> 声がウラ返ってるよ‥‥ まあ。ムリもないかな。 That screeching noise... Is that your voice? I suppose it's to be expected...

初めての法廷が、殺人事件とは。 まさしく“オドロキ”ってヤツだね。 Your first trial, and it's a homicide. I guess "Justice" doesn't start small, eh?

Enter Apollo's signature "I'm fine!" catchphrase, or as it's originally known, "Daijobu desu!"

In the third box, "ウラ返ってる" from 裏返る (uragaeru) in this context is translated fairly, though it specifically refers to a "crack in falsetto" kind of squeak or screech. (Yes, squeaky Apollo.) Now, it's interesting to note uragaeru in a different context can also mean "to double-cross". To be fair, it's also a common phrase, like being "betrayed" by your own cracking voice, but the foreshadowing power...

In the fourth box, yes, they changed the name puns to suit the localized name. Kirihito (Kristoph) is just saying what a "surprise" it is for his first trial to be a murder case.

>

<???> たしか、きみは‥‥ So, you're...

<Apollo> あ、ハイ！ オレ、大丈夫ですッ！ Fine! I-I'm fine!

<???> ああ‥‥“大丈夫くん”か。 Ah... Mr. Fine, is it?

<Apollo> え。 Uh.

<???> 変わった名前だとは覚えていた。 I did remember you having an odd name.

<Apollo> （さっそく、ゴカイされちまった） (Well, we're off to a great start.)

I'm just putting this here to assure everyone that Nick does first call him "Daijobu-kun".

>

<???> そろそろ時間だ。‥‥行こうか。 It's time. Shall we?

<Apollo> は、はいッ！ Y-Yes, sir!

<Apollo> （‥‥そうさ。 　今は、とにかく集中するんだ） (...OK. I need to focus.)

（オレの‥‥王泥喜　法介の、 　初めての法廷に！） (First trial, here comes Justice!)

I want to comment on how catchy Apollo's other lesser-known catchphrase is. Poor Odoroki doesn't have anything as cool as this.

> Courtroom

<Kristoph> 弁護士は、依頼人の希望を最優先 させなければなりません。 A defense attorney must always cede to his client's wishes.

この王泥喜くんは、依頼人の ご指名なのですよ。 And my client specifically requested Mr. Justice.

<Judge> ふむう‥‥わかりませんな。 Well, of course he wants justice!

現在、最高の弁護士と言われる 牙琉　霧人（がりゅうきりひと）。 But to entrust his case to this greenhorn... Why?

それをさしおいて、 こんなワカモノがねえ‥‥ I do not exaggerate when I say that you're the best defense attorney in town, Mr. Gavin.

<Apollo> （だ、大丈夫。発声練習の量なら、 　先生にも負けないさ！） (OK, so Gavin's got trial experience, fine. But does he have Chords of Steel!?)

I just love this line from Apollo. Perfect timing and delivery. Odoroki's line is good too, though comes off as a tad more innocent: "I-It's fine. When it comes to  vocal training, even Sensei can't beat me!" Though I have to say the image of Kristoph screaming during voice training is too funny to pass up.

> Enter Defendant

<Judge> まことにザンネンです。 This is truly an unfortunate turn of events.

ひさしぶりの対面が、 このようなカタチになるとは。 I'm sorry we had to meet again under these circumstances.

‥‥成歩堂　龍一 （なるほどうりゅういち）くん。 Long time no see, Mr. Wright.

<Phoenix> 忘れてほしいですね、 ムカシのことは。 Let's put the past behind us, shall we?

今のぼくは‥‥そう。 しがないピアニスト、ですから。 These days, I'm merely Phoenix Wright, piano player.

I may have mentioned it before, but I'll make a note here that the Hobohodo meme has its own version in the JP fandom: "ピアニート" (piani-to or pia-NEET), which is portmanteau of pianist and NEET, the most famous of Japanese government welfare programs for the unemployed. It's also slang for "hobo".

>

<Payne> これが、被害者の命を奪った凶器。 ‥‥グレープジュースのボトルです。 This is the weapon that took the victim's life. A bottle of grape juice.

彼のお気に入りで、 いつも飲んでいるようですな。 Grape juice is apparently our defendant's drink of choice.

Many of you already know, but just in case: The localizers never censored Nick's fave drink. It was the JP devs who had to work with such censors back home, but eventually they just kept it as a running gag to put non-alcoholic fruit juices in fancy wine bottles. It wasn't until SoJ when the devs could get away with featuring a bit of alcohol. Their previous game was slapped with a CERO-C (15+) due to graphic images, so Eshiro and co. were pleasantly surprised to see SoJ get the classic CERO-B (12+) again.

Not to mention, very expensive high-quality fancy fruit juices do exist in Japan and can cost way more than your usual middle-grade wines. Japan and their fancy fruit culture and all. (I forget exactly, but I recall there were plenty of group pictures of the devs on their blogs and Twitters over the years where someone had gotten them fancy bottles of fruit juice as Christmas gifts. The memes live on.)

> After 1st testimony, decline tutorial

<Apollo> 先生が出るにはおよびません！ ここは、オレでじゅうぶんッ！ No need for help here, sir! I think I've got this one covered!

<Kristoph> ‥‥“手下”みたいなセリフだね。 大丈夫ですか？ I think you'd better do more than think. You know it, or you do not.

<Apollo> （大丈夫！　 　発声練習は積んできた！） (I'm fine! The Chords of Steel are ready for battle!)

The differences here are subtle enough that I hesitated on including this, but Kirihito straight-up calls out Odoroki: "Sensei, you won't need to step up here. I'm enough for this!" "...Sounds like something someone unreliable would say. Are you going to be fine?"

> Press 4th statement

<Judge> ふむう‥‥ Hmm...

ポーカーといえば、５枚のカードで “役”を作って勝負するゲーム。 As I recall, in poker you make five-card "hands".

たしかに、イカサマが 起こりやすいのでしょう。 I can see how it would be easy to cheat.

<Phoenix> フッ‥‥ “役”を作るゲーム、ねえ‥‥ Heh... Yes. A game of "hands".

<Apollo> ‥‥？ ...?

Now that I find this dialogue again, it's even deeper than I'd ever thought. In both JP and EN, Phoenix's line works just as well as the other despite having different double entendres. In EN, he makes a pun between the poker hands and people's hands; while in JP, the term used is "yaku", which is normally used to refer to hands in a card/mahjong game, but in more general cases, it means "role" or "responsibility". Naturally, in this case, there are a lot of hands and roles being exchanged rather quickly.

This case is dang amazing and I regret forgetting so much of what made it spectacular.

> Press 5th statement

<Phoenix> 賭けていたのは、ただひとつ。 おのれの“プライド”だけだよ。 The only thing at stake in our game... was pride itself.

<Judge> ほほう。 なんだか、カッコイイですな！ Ho ho! Well put, Mr. Wright.

私も“ポーカー”で ヒト勝負したくなってきました。 I've got a mind to play a hand of poker myself...

<Judge> あなたの“有罪”を賭けてッ！ The stakes: your fate!

<Apollo> （“ヒト勝負”感覚で 　決められてたまるかッ！） (Um... Can we get back to the trial now?)

For once, I'm gonna go with Odoroki's line as the cooler one: "(As if we're going to decide this trial like a game of "life-or-death"!)"

> 1st witness, before testimony

<Olga> 逆居　雅香（さかいまさか） ‥‥と申します。 My name... is Olga Orly.

レストラン《ボルハチ》で ウエイトレス‥‥していますの。 I am employed as waitress in Borscht Bowl Club restaurant.

<Judge> しかし‥‥なぜ、カメラを？ Then... why the camera?

<Olga> もちろん、《ボルハチ》ジマンの ボルシチもお運びいたします。 Of course, it is my pride to serve borscht that is naming restaurant.

でも、ワタシ。他にも、いろいろ サービスをいたしますのよ。 But I also perform -- how it is said? Other service.

Just making a note here on how well Olga's lines are written. They really make it obvious that she's "not a native speaker" (for now). While in EN, they just made her English a little broken, in JP, she speaks in a very stiff and formal Japanese, as she is a waitress, but also on the occasion can sound a little off to a native speaker without being broken, per se. She also has a distinct "watashi" among a few other common words that are written in katakana to show a sort of accent.

>

<Payne> さて、証人。 事件当時は、どこに‥‥？ Now, witness. Where were you at the time of the murder?

<Olga> ワタシ、あの部屋にいたんです。 ‥‥《ナラズモの間》。 I was in room. The Hydeout, we call it.

<Apollo> “ならずものま”？ Excuse me? The Hydeout?

<Olga> 伝説のギャング“ナラズモ”が タイホされたというお部屋。 It is room where famous gangster "Badgai" was arrested.

‥‥事件があった小部屋ですの。 Is room where murder took place.

<Apollo> なんだってェェェ！ Whaaaaat!?

<Olga> ‥‥そのビックリしたカオ、 ステキです。 Your look of utter surprise... It is lovely.

あとで法廷の前に 張り出しておきますので‥‥ I will post by courtroom door later for you!

ほしい写真の番号を、みなさま お書きくださいね。 Dah, dah, photos will be numbered, and you will write which ones you want copy of.

Okay, everyone knows how bad/obvious/cringe the name puns can be in Khura'in or certain ones from AAI, but please, does anyone not remember "Badgai" here? (Tbf, I forgot too, so I'm not one to talk...)

Btw, his original name is "Narazumo", literally "ruffian", and it's completely in katakana, which makes me think it's a codename or alias. She also specifies that he was a "gangster", not yakuza as we'd assume. Japanese gangs are a bit closer to gangs that we know of in the West, especially that they're more known for foreign influence to their styles than the much more traditional yakuza.

Also, I'm disappointed there was no Odoroki pun here. Sure, she doesn't know him, so it wouldn't make sense, but still a missed opportunity. Also also, she actually talks to the rest of the court when she says "you", so she's selling photos of Apollo's freakout to everyone. Classy...

> 1st Witness Testimony, press 3rd statement

<Apollo> “ロケット”‥‥？ His "locket"...?

<Olga> あのお客さまにとっては 大切な“お守り”のようでした。 I believe it was good-luck charm, dah?

何度か握りしめながら、 勝負をされていましたから。 He gripped it many times as he played that night.

<Judge> なるほど‥‥大空へ飛び立つ チカラがみなぎるのでしょう。 Yes, he must have felt as though it might carry him to the moon and the stars!

なにしろ《ロケット》ですからな。 Though if it were small enough to fit around his neck, it wouldn't have much lift...

<Apollo> ‥‥あの。ちなみに “ロケット”というのは‥‥ Um... The defense would like a clarification: this is a locket we're talking about?

写真を入れたペンダントのコト、 なんですけどね。 I mean, a pendant with a picture in it, right? Not a "rocket"?

<Judge> 知ってます！ Of course! I knew that!

ロケットのカタチをした アレでしょう。 It was probably a pendant shaped like a rocket. That's why she called it that.

<Apollo> ちがいますよ！ カタチはカンケイないんです No, a locket's a locket! It doesn't matter what shape it is!

<Kristoph> ‥‥深追いしてはいけない。 それが、社会のルールです。 It's considered bad form to poke fun at the hard-of- hearing in our society.

<Apollo> （モヤモヤするなあ） (Hard of hearing, or hard of understanding?)

This entire conversation is just a joke on how "locket" and "rocket" are written the same way in Japanese, and I'm surprised how well it still works in English.

To clarify, Kirihito's line at the end is a bit different: "...Refraining from pursuing a line too far is a well-known rule in our society." "(Doesn't make me feel any better.)"

> After 1st Present, just before new statement added

<Apollo> （ヤレヤレ‥‥ 　慎重すぎるんだよな、先生は） (There's such a thing as thinking too much...)

（イシバシを叩いて 　コワすタイプ？） (This horse is dead, let's stop beating it!)

<Kristoph> 聞こえてますよ、オドロキくん。 There's such a thing as thinking aloud too much, too.

It's conversations like this that make me wonder if characters can actually hear what the MC is saying/whispering or if they're breaking the 4th wall to hear their thoughts. Here, it's even more ambiguous in JP than the usual between Nick and Maya in prior games. Or are they suggesting that even when Apollo is thinking, he's still loud?

> After 2nd Witness Testimony, before cross-exam

<Judge> なるほど‥‥ Ah, how many times have I heard these words:

『むしゃくしゃしてやった。 　今は後悔している』‥‥ "I done it in a fit of anger, Yer Honor, and now I regret what I done".

‥‥の、パターンですな。 ...A common tale, but true.

<Apollo> （成歩堂さんは、ハッキリ言った。 　『７年間、負けたことがない』） (Methinks the judge watches too many old court movies.)

（‥‥この証言には、ゼッタイ 　“何か”あるはずだ！） (Mr. Wright said he hasn't lost in seven years, so this testimony must be wrong!)

I don't usually include entries for examples where the localizers dress up the text from the original, but this one here really bugs me. I'm not sure if it's a reference to some classic film or just a tip of the hat to classic American court drama movies in general.

If someone could help me pinpoint this one, please do.

> Press 2nd statement, press further

<Apollo> チップについて、くわしく 話していただけますか？ Maybe you could explain a bit about these "chips"?

<Olga> そ。そう言われましても‥‥ E-Explain? What is there to be explained?

<Objection!>

<Payne> チップはチップです。 Poker chips are poker chips.

いつまで待っても‥‥ キップにはなりませんぞ！ They're not fish and chips, not a chip off the old block, not a motorcycle cop, not a...

Okay, the "motorcycle cop" bit got me. I swear this was a popculture reference (was it a song? It sounds so familiar), but I don't remember exactly where it was from! Someone plz help.

As for the original script, Auchi makes a silly pun. "[Poker] chips are [poker] chips. No matter how long you wait... they won't become tickets!" (chips = chippu, ticket = kippu)

>

<Apollo> ‥‥はあ。 ...Thanks.

（セッカクだ。 　なにか聞かないとソンだな） (Now that I've pressed her I'd better ask something...)

たとえば‥‥そのチップ。 “円”ですか？　“ドル”ですか？ What are these chips worth? Are they in dollars? Or rubles, even?

<Olga> ‥‥あの。 先ほども申しましたけれど‥‥ ...Nyet. As I have been saying before, it was game, not gambling.

ギャンブルでは ございませんでしたから‥‥ Hard perhaps for capitalist to understand.

<Olga> “１０００点”と “１００点”の２種類。 Two types of chip: 100 points chip and 1,000 points chip.

おカネではございませんの。 It is not money, dah.

<Kristoph> ‥‥オドロキくん。 ...Justice.

<Apollo> はいッ！ Sir!

<Kristoph> 今の証言‥‥ ちょっと、おもしろいですね。 Don't you find her comment... interesting?

<Apollo> え‥‥ In more ways than one, sir.

<Kristoph> 私ならば‥‥そう。 証言に加えていただくところですが。 I'd have it added to her testimony, myself.

As funny as that capitalist line is, it's not found in the source, sorry, guys. Her text in Japanese is very formal, so it takes an extra box just to complete her sentence.

Also, worth to note that Odoroki here mentions yen and dollars, but not rubles, despite the restaurant being Russian-themed. Whether it's writer oversight or just Odoroki being uncultured will remain a mystery.

Lastly, Apollo's last line here makes him seem quite confident, but in the original, he seems just as confused as ever. This is made clearer when Apollo later presses the new statement.

> Press new statement

<Apollo> あの。小さい方が１００点、 大きい方が１０００点‥‥ Um. The small ones are 100, and the big ones 1,000...

で、いいんですよね。やっぱり。 Uh? Right? Right. Of course.

<Payne> フン！　 聞くまでもないでしょう。 Hah! Don't waste our time!

<Apollo> はあ‥‥ *sigh*

‥‥‥‥‥‥‥‥‥ ...

<Judge> 終わりですか？　それで。 Is that all?

<Apollo> ええ、まあ。 Um... Yeah. *gulp*

（くそ。牙琉先生のせいで 　ハジをかいちまったぞ‥‥） (Great. Mr. Gavin made me stop her, and now I'm the one who looks dumb.)

<Kristoph> オドロキくん。 Oh, Justice?

<Kristoph> 私にハジをかかせないで もらえますか？ Please try not to embarrass me like that.

<Apollo> え！　オレがですか！ Huh? Who? Me!?

The subtleties of this joke conversation were lost in translation. After Apollo wastes time with that question, he grumbles to himself: "(Damn. Thanks to Garyu-sensei, I've made a fool of myself.)" "Odoroki-kun. Would you please not pin this embarassment on me?" "Huh! Me!?"

> After Present, select "Number of chips"

<Apollo> おかしいのは、チップの枚数‥‥ ですよね、先生？ The odd thing here is the number of chips... Right, Mr. Gavin?

<Kristoph> ‥‥なぜ、私に？ ...Why are you asking me?

<Apollo> その。念のため、というか！ Uh... Just in case?

<Kristoph> ‥‥オドロキくん。 もう少し、キチンと考えましょう。 Justice... It's your case I'm concerned about.

チップなら、写真を見れば すべて、写っています。 If you're wondering about the chips, just look at the photograph. It's all there.

老眼の裁判長さんでも カンタンに数えられますよ。 Even our judge with his failing eyesight could count them.

<Apollo> （‥‥あの裁判長なら、それでも 　まちがえるような気がする‥‥） (That's not the only thing failing the judge.)

Damn, what a burn. Odoroki in the OG script simply went: "(...Knowing this judge, he could get even that wrong...)" which is a fair effort, but not a wildfire level of damage.

> 3rd Witness Testimony, press 4th

<Apollo> 口論の内容は、おぼえてますか？ Do you recall what the men were arguing about?

<Olga> そうですね。たしか‥‥ Dah, I believe so...

被害者サマが『イカサマだッ！』と 叫びましたの。それに対して‥‥ The victim, he shouts, "you are cheater!" and then...

“異議がある”というようなコトを 被告人さまが‥‥ ...the defendant shouts something like, "I have objection!"

<Payne> ‥‥出ましたな。 おトクイの《異議あり！》が。 Shouting objection, eh? Old habits are hard to break!

まったく‥‥ハッタリづくしの 人生ですからな。被告人は。 First he bluffed his way through the courtroom, now he bluffs his way through life!

<Objection!>

<Apollo> しかし！　勝負の結果は、 成歩堂さんが“負けている”！ However! Mr. Wright lost the hand!

むしろ、アヤシイのは、 勝った被害者・浦伏さんでしょう！ That seems to cast the shadow of doubt on Mr. Smith!

<Olga> “イカサマをやった上、 　勝負にも負けた”‥‥ Humiliation from losing even when cheating...

そのクツジョクが、被告人の方の ココロに、火をつけたのですの。 That is what set fire to defendant's heart!

<Judge> ‥‥そして、火のついた 被告人は、どうしたのですかな？ So what did the flaming defendant do next?

Oh my God, as soon as I saw that "異議がある" (igi ga aru) my mind flashed back to those ridiculous Google Translated trailers of Gyakuten Saiban & Kenji on Nico Douga. Imagine if the devs at the time decided to play with Google Translate to see how "異議あり！" would look after switching it from Japanese to English and back. It would be one of the biggest brain plays by a game developer ever... which probably means it wasn't how it went, but it's fun to think about.

Anyway, I also like this snippet of dialogue for the judge's "flaming defendant", clearly alluding to "Phoenix" Wright. In JP, the bit about setting fire to his heart is just a common idiom in the first place, but who knows? “Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney” had been selling fast in the West, so they could have been inspired.

> After Present, point out on the cards, examine victim's hand

<Apollo> 裁判長！　見てください！ 被害者のカードには、１枚‥‥ Your Honor! Look at this! One of the victim's cards...

ウラの色がちがうカードが まぎれこんでいますッ！ The back is a different color!

<Payne> え‥‥ええええッ！ Eh...? Ehhhhhh!?

<Olga> そ。そんなバカなッ！ Th-That's impossible!

アタシがシカケたのは、 成歩堂のほうなのに‥‥ But I put that card in Wright's hand...

あッ！ Ack!

<Kristoph> ‥‥今、なんと言いましたか、証人。 ...What was that, Ms. Orly?

<Olga> い‥‥いえ‥‥その。 アタシ‥‥わ、私は、ええと‥‥ No... Ny-Nyet! Er, I merely said, eh... Dah, I have, eek!

It's at this point when Olga's cover is blown, and in JP, it's more obvious because she stammers between using "atashi" vs "watashi". It's not very common to hear beginner Japanese students refer to themselves as the cutesy "atashi", though one who's a bit more well versed in the language or in anime may pick up on it.

> After Phoenix takes over the court, select when the cards were swapped, select "Olga Orly" who swapped them

<Phoenix> たしかに、あのゲームでは赤・青の ２種類のカードを使っていた。 Mixing a card from the wrong deck... when the backs are different colors?

しかし‥‥逆居　雅香は、 カードを配っていた張本人。 Remember that you're talking about Olga Orly... She was the dealer.

‥‥そんなミスを すると思うかい？ Do you really think she would make such a novice mistake?

<Apollo> （まあ‥‥オレでも 　まちがわないだろうな） (Actually, I have trouble imagining even the judge making that mistake.)

This is another case of the localizers dressing it up. Odoroki says here: "(Well... even I wouldn't make such a mistake.)" as if implying that he's the lowest common denominator here, haha!

> Back to Court Lobby

<Phoenix> 人間の思考・感情というものは ‥‥かならず。 Try as they might to conceal it, everyone reveals their true thoughts in the end.

身体から“情報”として 発信されている。 Their body language can become a valuable source of information.

<Apollo> そ。そんなバカな‥‥ You're kidding!

<Phoenix> たとえば。あの証人‥‥ 逆居　雅香を思い出してごらん。 That witness, for instance, Ms. Orly.

<Phoenix> 彼女は、ある証言をするとき‥‥ かならず“首筋をさする”。 She would touch the back of her neck during certain parts of her testimony.

‥‥気がついていたかい？ Did you notice?

<Apollo> い。いえ‥‥ （それどころじゃないよ、フツー） Uh... No. (C'mon, who'd notice that!?)

<Phoenix> “クセ”“コトバ”‥‥ それらが発する情報を読み解くこと。 Words, habits, twitches... It's all information for the reading.

それが、勝負に勝つ “鉄則”だよ、オドロキくん。 That's the secret to winning, Apollo.

まあ‥‥ぼくも“ある人物”に 教わったんだけどね。 Someone taught me, and now, I pass the secret on to you.

It's this quiet moment between the two of them that really parallels with how Mia used to talk with Phoenix, and it's beautifully poetic. And I'd like to note that even Phoenix's speech pattern throughout this convo is quite reminiscent of how Mia talked, but with a bit of Phoenix's own style. Though in that last line, he could possibly have meant Mia, but more likely meant a certain someone with a similar power to Apollo. Ya'll know who I mean, (W)right?

>

<Phoenix> ああ。それから、もうひとつ。 今回の事件だけどね。 Ah, almost forgot. One more thing. About this case...

ぼくはまだ、誰にも “本当のコト”を話してないんだよ。 You should know, I haven't told the truth to anyone yet.

<Apollo> えええええッ！ （や、やっぱり‥‥） Whaaaaaaaa--!? (I knew it!)

<Phoenix> もちろん、“理由”がある。 これからアキラカになるだろう。 I have my reasons, of course. All shall be revealed.

そして、ぼくの作戦には‥‥ きみが必要なんだよ。 And Apollo... I need you to be there, defending me.

きみの“能力”が、ね。 I need your power.

<Apollo> オレの、のうりょく‥‥ （声のデカさ、か‥‥？） My, um, power? (I had no idea my Chords of Steel were that special...)

The translation here is close enough, really, but Odoroki specifically describes it as the "intensity" of his voice and it's only the best answer.

--

Welp, I guess it’s back to the drafting board again and I may make this out as a daily or every-other-daily upload. We’ll see. I assure you, you won’t be waiting until next month, though!

[corvidry]

All About RP Icons For Beginners by Birdy

Hi OP, I’m not sure how experienced you are with all the nonsense surrounding the making and using of RP icons, so I’m gonna come at it as though you don’t have any experience with it at all and I’m sorry if that’s too simplified for you, but also if I’m gonna write many paragraphs about one topic I may as well make it accessible for as many people as possible ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This post goes into what tools are out there for the popular methods of finding/making RP icons in the first half and my personal methodology for choosing and using them in my RP for the second half. This is a very surface level answer to the question and is not meant to be an in depth tutorial for the more labor intensive aspects of the process, but if you guys want more information and can’t find it elsewhere, please ask and I'll know what I should be talking about next. 

Also I’m also contractually obligated to mention to the masses that I do take commissions both for the drawing of RP icons and the service of capping, cutting, recoloring, and framing canon icons. Sometimes I even post batches of canon character icons for free on this blog so like,,,,, hit me up if you want. But!! You don’t need me, you can absolutely do all of it yourself!!  I go into the broad strokes below.

Question 1: “How do you get icons?” 

This is kind of a broad question and the answer depends on what your needs are. The right answer for you is gonna live in one of two camps 

Find some that already exist that are free to use

Make them yourself / commission somebody else to make them for you. 

What you'll choose is gonna depend a lot on your character first and foremost.  The big determining factor in most cases is whether or not the face you want has been in anything you can take pictures of. 

If you have a canon character who exists in visible media--

--you're in luck! The chances of you finding some resources that exist already is higher when you have a canon character who is in at least a few pieces of media. OP asked about Pearl from Steven Universe, and she's a great example of a character with a lot of resources. Searching for rp icons of a popular character will often yield packs of icons on Tumblr, Dreamwidth, Livejournal, etc. Most of these will be completely free to use or have very reasonable conditions for use (like credit the person who made them for example.)  It's often a good first step to see what preexisting resources are available to you even if you still plan on making your own icons. 

If you have an OC or a character that's not all that popular--

--you're gonna fall into the second camp. If you want icons, you have to have them made. So what are your options?

Help! My character appears in no media! What are my options?

If your character appears in no media you're in a tough spot. Different people approach this problem in different ways. 

Face Claims

One option you have is to choose a face claim to represent your character. In roleplay a face claim or ‘FC’ is a person or character whose appearance you use for the physical description of your character. I personally am not big on doing this, I prefer drawn icons and I tend to RP as animated characters, but some people really like using celebrities and stuff to represent their characters.  When I was playing Angus McDonald he hadn't appeared in any visual media yet, so I sometimes used Bryce Clyde Jenkins as the face claim for certain types of threads.  

If you're somebody who likes to use face claims there are loads of resources out there for finding the perfect one, including here on tumblr. Try searching up RP Faceclaim Directory and playing around with some of the ones that pop up.

DIY RP Icons

The other option you have is to create those icons from scratch. Draw them yourself based on icons you like or commission an artist to draw some for you.   If you can't draw yourself, I've seen some people get really creative with this. Some people create their character in the sims, dollmakers, or their favorite RPG and then take screenshots of that to use for icons.  There's also no law that says every icon you use has to be your character's face. When I was writing a trashy mermaid AU I got a lot of mileage out of icons that depicted harbor and oceanic scenes with no actual faces. Get creative, go nuts, have fun.

Icons Aren’t That Important

The other thing to remember that icons are not a must in many RP circles. It's perfectly possible to have a great time and write cool stuff without any pictures at all. Depending on your platform of choice there are probably also other interesting ways you can make your posts unique to you by formatting the text or using symbols or emojis or otherwise denoting your personal style in text.

Help! My character appears in lots of media! How do I make icons?

Again, there are a million and one answers to this question and it really depends on what tools are available to you and what your preferences are. This section is not a tutorial but it will outline some of the options you can look into.

The icon making process is typically in 2 stages-- stage 1: get all your images of your character, and stage 2: edit all of those images into icons.  

If you have access to the source material, any version of Photoshop, and software that automates the collection screencaps from video (KM Player, VLC, etc) you're pretty much gucci. You're gonna have no problem getting loads of nice icons in a reasonably short amount of time and there are a million different tutorials on how to use those things whichever way you prefer. 

If you don't have access to those things you still have options. 

You can still screencap things manually, and you can screencap in batches by holding down the windows key and pressing PrtSc any time you want to save an image. They should be saving to >pictures>screenshots unless you’ve set things up differently. It’s a good way to take a lot of screenshots without stopping in between.

( EDIT / UPDATE: to say that if you use automation for taking screencaps remember to turn that shit off when you’re not using because it oh mylanta it WILL continue to take images without you realizing. Figured out where all my disk space has been going with this rookie mistake, thanks OP)

Additionally, PhotoScape X is a really great little tool for windows and mac that I've never seen anybody talk about, but I use it sometimes and it's totally free with the exception of a few paid features I’ve never once needed or wanted. This program is not as efficient as using Photoshop but it has presets for cropping images easily as well as batch editing options for some basic borders and color retouching.  While it’s not as powerful as Photoshop, you can get a lot done with it reasonably quickly compared to other choices. You can also take and edit snips of anything on your screen with it, which is really really useful if you don’t have access to the video or image files you would need on your hard drive for other version of this process.  The program looks like this:

Also, not to be like a minimalist about it, but you can also just fucken use Microsoft Paint or whatever you have. Like, whatever, there’s no law. You graphics dont have to be comlpex or deep fried. Half of my icons have been made or edited in paint at some point. It wont be as fast as some of these other methods but a lot of us aren't out here making icons in batches of 100 at a time. 

Anything that you can use to make smallish images of your characters face will work to make icons.

If you want more information about any of these methods of icon creation let me know and I’ll talk about them.

Question 2: “How do you make your icons ‘work’ in posts?”

I'm a little confused on what you mean by "make them work" so I'm gonna cover my bases here. I'm assuming what you're getting at is a sort of sense of cohesion in the icons I use, or having the "right" expression for the scene I'm writing. Either that or them not stretching and looking weird thanks to tumblr. I’ll get to both of those.

And before I go into my own rationale for icon choices I feel I should point out that a lot of people who aren't me do successfully manufacture cohesion out of their images by doing fun stylistic things like recoloring their images all the same way or putting cute borders and stuff around them or making them fun shapes, and that's totally something you can learn how to do if it interests you.  I do this for icons commissioned by other people and I’m not against talking about how to do those things, but I don’t really bother with them for my own icons all that much. That stuff is all fun and it’s a neat thing you could get into that can make your icons all look really nice together.

BUT ANYWAY --

Since the character you asked about is Pearl, I’m going to focus on her. Nearly all of my Pearl icons are completely unedited and a lot of the credit I would have to give regarding icon quality goes to Pearl herself and the consistently good lighting that the show uses. I don’t have a huge need for editing or color retouching beyond making memes or whatever other goofy things I might be getting up to. Pearl is extremely expressive compared to other characters I have written and since she's in nearly every episode, I've managed to collect…

...oh god, that’s too many icons.

Pearl is a main character and I've been RPing as her for over 6 years now so I have a fuckload of images to choose from and I'm not gonna pretend that doesn't help when I wanna “make things work”. She gives me a lot of options.

That said, you absolutely don't need 3000 images to make a good post. The way I've collected and organized these images may be of use to you even if you dont have as many icons. I've done a lot with my setup to make finding the right icon very easy. 

For starters, a minor subset of my Pearl icons are grouped by a particular defining feature. I have one large Pearly folder full of icons and then a few smaller folders inside for icons I thought worth grouping separately. For example, all icons of SUF Pearl in her new jacket are in the same folder. All icons of Pearl in short term alternate outfits are in the same folder. Anything I sourced from Attack the Light is in its own folder. I do this with anything that has a very specific use, such as writing AU content or flashbacks to specific time periods. If I can picture an icon in my head, I usually know where in my ridiculous hell collection to go to find it. 

This folder was originally just for her pre-canon outfit but now all of her outfits that only appeared temporarily are in there.

Perhaps more important for the sake of cohesion is that nearly all of my icons that aren’t squirreled away in some smaller folder are loosely arranged by episode. What that means is that most of the time I have icons from the same scene right next to one another. It makes it incredibly easy to make my RP replies appear as though it's all one cohesive scene even if I use more than one icon. When you do it this way it becomes very easy to choose icons that have the same lighting or that appear to lead from one expression seamlessly into another. Exhibit A:

While the vast majority of my icons are numbered, I do take the time to name ones I find myself using a lot or that have particularly unique expressions. Usually I'll choose names that I'll find descriptive or easy to remember based on the context of the icon. You can have a lot of fun with that and never lose your favorites.

Also don't be afraid to lean on icons you got from weird places if you like them.  The icons of Pearl from the official comics run don’t look like most of what I have. I think them being different would turn a lot of RPers off, but I use them a lot because I like the style and I almost never see other Pearl RPers using them.  It either makes me stand out or it makes me tacky, one of the two, haven’t figured out which, but also I’m not stopping.

And just to reiterate, you can use icons that aren’t your character if they’re thematically relevant or vague enough to look like them. When I’m capping I’ve started saving a folder of miscellaneous environments of interests, hands, and other everyday types of scenery that appear in the thing I’m taking screencaps of.

You can use any size you want for RP icons but the most common is 100x100 or 150x150 pixels.  Any smaller than that and the image gets to be difficult to read and work with in my opinion. That doesn’t stop people, of course, but I’m elderly and need glasses now, so no tiny icons for me.  On that note, I rarely see RP icons larger than 300x300. Any larger than that it tends to get bulky and be in the way of other people’s comfortable internet browsing experience, especially on mobile.  Of course, these are just my suggestions. What you choose will ultimately be up to you, but somewhere in that 100 to 300 px range is pretty safe.

A very tumblr specific thing to know is that any image that is wider than 300 pixels will be stretched to hell, so you probably want to keep it smaller than that.

Thanks, Tumblr, I hate it!

Also, don’t be afraid to make trash images for fun if you’re so inclined. People love that, or at least I do. Not having the right icon can be fun and lead to a very silly solution. Lean into being a shitposter if that’s what you’re called to do. 

So yeah, that’s basically what my suggestions are. Collect your images in a way that helps cohesion and ease of use. Keep them a good size. Don’t be afraid to get unconventional with your choices or make memes or whatever. It’s all for a fun time.

Anyway, that’s all I can think of right now, but more info on any of this can be obtained at the price of one ask, I know it was a lot of different moving parts.

[franeridart]

hi!!! first of all i adore your art so much!!!! like daddy jesus, it gives me life. u draw rlly good poses, so maybe u have some tips? or any good places to find references cuz i can only find pretty stiff looking pictures and thats sad :((((

Tips! Yes! I have those, since it’s a thing I’ve always struggled a lot with too, so I ended up hunting down and hoarding tips like an artist dragon with fancy pictures of gold - disclaimer, even though I know of these tips it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m good at following them. Because I’m a mess. SO! TIPS!

 - When trying to decide on a pose, try to picture the whole action behind it instead of just the single instance! If we were to talk in animation terms, I’d say try to picture the whole sequence instead of just a single, specific frame of it. What is your character doing? Picture in your head the whole movement, and then pick a frame that’s smack in the middle of it - this is because generally the stiffer moments through an action are the beginning and the end of it, so drawing the middle will give your pose a lot more life! If you’re unsure about exactly which moment of the action would work best, draw thumbnails of a few different “frames” of it and pick the one that flows best for you

 - Related to that, when looking for references generally I prefer looking for videos instead of pictures, specifically to get a better sense of how the whole movement flows and where it would be best to stop it. In the same vein, I’ve made a habit of at least partially always keep an eye out for body language while watching movies/tv shows/cartoons&anime, because while real life is just as much a good source of reference as anything else, actors and animators tend to exaggerate movements to make them more captivating and eye-catching, and that’s what we’re looking for when drawing too! It’s all in the drama of it, look for the drama

 - “A real life person wouldn’t do that/move like that/bend like that”, that’s okay, this isn’t a real life person! Exaggerating the shapes and lines is a good way of increasing the flow of your pose, as long as you don’t make it grotesque then pushing on the shapes and curves is always a good idea! Unless you meant to go for grotesque, in which case push all you want, who’s to stop you. In this specific area action lines are your best friends, so if you feel your pose is stiff or lacks life, try finding the action line in it and push it more - you can find a lot of youtube tutorials on action lines and gesture drawing, in case you want to look more into that! Only god and my youtube history know how long I’ve spent doing just that

 - Talking about youtube, if you want to work on your flow a good way is to try out the one minute figure drawing exercises - they give you a pose, you have one or two minutes to sketch it out depending on the video, then it moves to the next pose. It’s a good way to loosen up your lines, in my experience! This is a nice playlist for that, in case you wanna give it a go!

 - Rewinding a bit and going back on body language, if you want your pose to feel alive and be realistic while at the same time conveying a specific mood or feeling, maybe you’ll want to look into how people express themselves through body language! I always see this suggested to writers to set the mood without explicitly stating the emotion, but it’s a wonderful tip for artists too the way I see it (mostly so if you’re drawing a comic, actually!). A good list is this one, give it a skim!

 - More than a tip it’s a trick, really, but giving a prop to your character can help make the pose more interesting - there’s only a finite number of things a character can do standing alone by themselves with nothing to occupy them with, an object or an animal or a second character to interact with really do make finding an interesting pose easier!

That was a lot of theory there, wasn’t it, let’s go for some practical tips too (featuring Horikoshi’s pencil sketches, because I love them and he’s very, very good at this whole posing thing)

 - If you picture your character as standing in an open space and the eyes of the viewers as a camera, moving the camera around them to find an interesting angle adds a lot of depth to the pose. It can be really, really tempting to just draw them from the front and eye level, but sometimes even just raising or lowering the camera the smallest bit helps with giving the drawing life - perspective! I know, I hate it too orz but we’re working hard to overcome that problem, because look at Horikoshi’s latest Kirishima sketch!

so alive! So beautiful! The pose in itself isn’t all that special, but the angle he decided to draw it at sure helps give him life. A thing I do often is to draw a thumbnail of the scene I’m trying to draw from the most boring angle possible, to make sure of where everything is, and then metaphorically move the camera around to try and find a more interesting angle to portray it from - it helps! At least, it does for me haha

 - Keeping it asymmetrical makes the pose dynamic! Let’s look at Toga over here

Her legs and arms are an obvious example of this, but specifically I marked for you the hips line and shoulders line to show you how they aren’t paralel either, because that’s a little thing that’s generally a good idea to keep in mind when you want to give a bit more of movement to your posing! It’s true in photography too, actually. If you want a full body selfie to look good, try keeping shoulders and hips on non-paralel lines, it makes the whole thing look a lot more professional 

 - Keeping that Toga pic as our set example, hair and clothes give a lot of movement to the pose too! If you draw someone in the middle of an action, their clothes and hair are (possibly, if the clothes are loose enough and hair long enough) going to move with the action too - they show the direction of the motion, so keep that in mind when drawing them. Additional tip! If your character is just standing still, wind is a thing you can always make use of to give a bit more movement to the whole set-up!

 - It’s a good idea to keep all the noise in your pose on one side, to give it a bit more balance and make it less chaotic - let’s use Jirou here as our example

the lines on the right side are a lot more simple and straight than the ones on her left, as I tried to very roughly mark for you - all details and “noisy” bits are all on the same side too, so that your eyes can easily focus on what’s important in the pic without getting lost all over the canvas. Balance and asymmetry! Again! It’s an easy way to make poses interesting, after all!

 - That said, it’s not like you can never keep it symmetrical - the human brain actually likes that symmetry a whole lot, finds it compelling! It has to be perfectly symmetrical, though. Let’s look at Bakugou, because why not, always a good time to look at Bakugou

if you drew a line in the middle of his face and down his body, you’d see he’s pretty much perfectly symmetrical - that’s nice! That works! ...why does it work, though? This goes a bit more into composition and less into posing, but this has to do with the rule of thirds: generally and very simply, the rule is that for a picture to be well composed it needs to be set so that the main focus isn’t smack in the middle of the canvas. Some examples with the pics I just posted up there!

The way the bodies are positioned and the way in which the empty spaces are used respect the rule of thirds pretty dang neatly, and that helps make the pictures look less stiff too, between the others things! It gives balance to the whole composition, and makes it more lively! (The reason why it works with Kirishima is that the focus of the drawing is less him as a whole and more his face and right fist - so very neatly positioned! I’m in awe, ngl)

Bakugou’s case is a bit different thoguh, and that’s why the symmetry works there!

when you want to go for the symmetrical look you sort of need to forget about the rule of thirds, as far as I’ve been thought - symmetrical means tidy, and it’s only really tidy if it’s symmetrical based on a line traced right in the middle of the canvas, so Bakugou’s center is right along the median axis, and his pose works even if it’s pretty stiff, by all means.

(this goes into the rules of making a good portrait work, actually, but the lack of empty space all around him helps with keeping it looking well composed and tidy, too. There’s a lot of little tips and tricks that help make a pose work when it comes to composition, really!)

(Also, to be fair this last bit about the rule of thirds wasn’t exactly necessary or particularly well explained, I’ll be real, but while browsing Horikoshi’s twitter I realized how neatly all his sketches follow the rule and I needed to gush about that for a sec, it’s how being a fan works haha hope it was useful at least a bit to you, though!)

[gaklz]

The Side Hustle: Second Jobs To Make Extra Money

A side hustle is a part time job, a second job, or alternate way to earn money – outside of your 9 to 5 career. The economic downturn left many well-qualified adults scrambling to earn wages that would continue to put food on the table, with many taking on a second job just to make ends meet.  According to FOX News and the U.S. Department of Labor, the U.S. job outlook remains dismal, with wage incomes improving by just 1.4%, and the economy expanded by only 1.9% during the first quarter of 2012.

Whether you’re trying to pay off bills, add to your children’s college fund, or save for a special event, taking a second job is a route many working adults take in order to get ahead financially.

Freelancing Freelance jobs are plentiful across the World Wide Web. However – unless you live in Pakistan and are able to work for pennies on the dollar – quality freelance jobs take some digging to find. I have freelanced for Yahoo and Demand Media Studios, edited web sites for small web publishers, and worked as an independent freelance writer. Of these choices, editing web sites paid the most… writing web content as an independent was the most flexible and pays well, and working for the “content mills” pays – but does it pay what you’re worth?

Demand Media Studios strict content form and requirements hardly make it worth the $25 per article you’ll receive… if you’ve spent an hour writing the article and it’s accepted as-is, $25/hour is awesome. However, this is rare with DMS, so in reality is takes more like 2 – 3 hours to earn the $25. Yahoo Contributor Network is the most user friendly place I have found to write for money… but at $15 per post you really need to have the concept down pat, write fast with few errors, and produce cookie-cutter content that can make your eyes cross by the end of the day. Freelance writing for blogs and websites is a good choice as a side hustle – IF you have the skills needed to turn content fast, and with few mistakes.

Blogging For Money – Side Hustle or Hype? My full time career is as a Blogger. I blog across several websites, and those sites make money through paid advertising, reviewing products, and creating interesting articles and content that make readers want to come back for more. When I first began blogging, I was also doing a lot of freelance writing and editing to put food on the table. I could go on and on about how to become a successful pro blogger, but the truth is that I followed the wisdom of another highly successful blogger, who recently rolled out an e-Book on making money as a blogger.  The eBook, How I Make Money Blogging, is a no-holds-barred tutorial on how to start, and how to create a viable income as a blogger. Since I know the author – Crystal Stemberger – have worked with her as a colleague on several projects, and have personally followed her success on Budgeting in the Fun Stuff, I highly recommend buying this eBook. Her actual website, How I Make Money Blogging, gives details weekly, but the book is one of the best places to start for newbies… of an excellent way for current bloggers/freelancers to get back on track and tuern their blogs into a lucrative business. I know that this eBook is in the up and up, and I couldn’t even say it better – or detail the steps Crystal outlines –  myself. I have watched as Crystal’s monthly earnings went from a level where she could quit her day job… to the point where her husband has been able to quit his own job to work alongside her from their home office. These people are solid, intelligent, hard working folks – and Crystal’s template for success is not to be overlooked. If you’re even remotely interested in creating a work-from-home career, please take a moment to check out the eBook… Click here to visit How I Make Money Blogging.

I do earn a commission for telling you about the eBook — so let me thank you in advance for clicking through my link (above) when you go to buy the eBook. Be sure to come back here to Thriftability and comment on your success with the tips in the book – or email me directly to share your story. If you are having trouble getting started, I’m happy to help. I have 8 years experience as a web dev/web editor, and have been a professional (paid) blogger for the last 3 years. I know that sometimes getting started can be frustrating, but it is definitely worth it for people who have the drive and determination to make it happen. so if I can help or answer a question, feel free to email: Lisa {at} Thriftability {dot} com. The book, How I Make Money Blogging is the true story of Crystal Stemberger’s experience in leaving her day job to work form home as a full time blogger and web ‘preneur. Definitely worth the read!

Side Jobs: Seasonal and Temp Work Taking a job during the holiday season is a good way to earn money in a short period of time. As long as you’re not paying for child care while you work (perhaps your spouse or a relative can keep the kids), you can earn decent money in retail during the holidays. Seasonal and temp work can pay off as well – as long as you’re OK with the reality of becoming involved with a company or project for a short term period. Keep in mind: with the unemployment rate hovering at 8.2% nationwide, you’re up against other adults who have no jobs at all, while those looking for the side hustle are out to supplement their primary source of income. Bring your “A Game”, and treat the interview for a second job as seriously as you would for any other. Dress for success, and be enthusiastic.

Put Your Skills To Work For You Perhaps taking a second  job is out of the question, because you have kids at home, your primary job is time consuming and you only have random hours in which to work, or… (be honest) the thought of taking on a second job makes you feel ill. I can relate to this! This is why I started working from home in the first place: I needed extra cash, but I was also needed at home as a single mom with three pre-teen and teen-aged kids. Think outside the box. Maybe you have valuable skills that could bring in a secondary income without ever leaving the house. Can you sew? The number of young professionals who have mastered the tasks once taught in Home Ec has dwindled sharply over the years. One of my neighbors takes in ironing – clean clothes brought over just to be presses – and makes $40 in an evening… ironing while watching her favorite TV shows or movies. Lawn care, auto maintenance, child care and supplying home-cooked meals are other ways to earn money from home. My latest hobby has just started bringing in extra (unplanned!) cash… I have a large organic garden, and sell produce at the local Farmer’s Market. Regardless of where, how, or how much, the side hustle is becoming more the norm for many Americans.

Do you have a side hustle? Tell us about ways you make extra money  – leave a comment below!

[temporary-dysphoria]

Hi! This might come across as rude or uninformed, so if it does I'm Really sorry, but how does one become (or at least learn more about becoming) a witch/druid? Most of the information I've been able to collect is very dependent on having Things (i.e, candles, herbs, etc) and memorizing what they mean, but I don't have any of those, especially since I’d have to practice in secret. And there seem to be a lot of different ways to practice, but there’s just so much that finding (1/2)

a starting point and working from there has been really hard. Sorry to bother you, I’m just really curious and it seems like you have some experience? (2/2) Hi Nonny!

It’s not rude at all to ask for clarification :) I myself am first and foremost a Druid (I’ve been initiated and I’ve undertaken some of the studies to be affiliated with a Druidic Order) and I’m a practising Witch on the side. In my case - Druidry is my spiritual path, and witchcraft is a craft that I practice. 

When you first start looking into these kinds of paths it’s very overwhelming. There’s so much content. But the important thing to remember is that it’s a journey, not a straight line to a destination. 

You can start small - I started researching Wicca and general pagan paths when I was still living with my parents and for years the only craft-specific things I owned were a hag-stone and a collection of Folklore books. I found the Order of Bards, Ovates and Druids around that time as well and I knew that this was the path that called to me, but I had to wait until I’d moved out of home and was paying my own bills before I made the financial move to affiliate myself with them, and get properly initiated. 

Read as much as you can if you have to practice in secret. This will be a good foundation for later on. Research is key, and is something you’ll never run away from. The better the sources, the better your practice. Research things that call to you - if you’re interested in hedge witchcraft, find sources on spirit work. If you’re interested in getting to know a particular set of deities, find their folklore and bury yourself in it (provided it’s not a closed religion obviously). 

Things like green witchery are by far the easiest (IMO) to practice secretly in plain sight, because it’s a lot easier to explain a sudden interest in gardening (and there’s rock solid evidence for planting by the moon cycle) and cooking than there is in say - complex rituals. You can buy/borrow green witch books under the guise of researching your garden, and there’s nothing more rewarding than eating food you’ve coaxed from the ground with your own two hands. As a bonus, you also get to become attuned to your particular area of the Earth, especially if you enjoy things like foraging for edible weeds. You’ll be building up your grimoire of knowledge without even realising it!

There’s a good debate for whether or not you need “things” or “intent” more when it comes to rituals. In my own practice, I’ve found there’s definitely things you can’t go without when you want to cast specific spells or undertake specific rituals BUT in saying that, for most things, especially when you’re starting out - a small altar kit will be more than enough for you to be able to focus your energies. There’s plenty of tutorials out there for for pocket altars (a quick google search got me heaps of images), and if you’re closeted, then it’s yet another thing that’s easy to hide. 

It can be overwhelming to start with - but you’re not on a time limit, you’re on a long journey. Pick an interest area and start reading. If you get a few books in and realise it’s not for you, branch out into something new.

Hopefully this answers some of your questions, but if you have any more, feel absolutely free to drop me a line. :)

[ckret2]

do you have any tips on writing ace/aro characters, so that they come off as natural n not forced?

I'm gonna assume you're coming at this from a non-ace/aro perspective, so like, lemme give a super simple quick-and-dirty trick, and then I'll give you a couple of caveats to it. Also every time I say ace/aro in this post I mean "ace&aro OR ace OR aro." The example I'm using for this trick is more ace-oriented but like, apply the same mental exercise to romance. Here we go, here's the trick:

Pretend you're writing inside the mind of an adult character in a series aimed at little kids.

On the surface that sounds terrible I know, but bear with me while I explain it.

If you're watching, like, Sesame Street? There are adult characters running around. Various humans, Oscar the Grouch, Bert and Ernie, etc.

None of these characters think about fucking.

Like, ever.

I know, this concept is jarring, because Oscar is clearly a freak, and we all have headcanons about Bert and Ernie—but like, realistically speaking, they live inside a show aimed at preschoolers, and therefore they never think about fucking. They think about taxes, they think about repairing broken home appliances, they think about the state of the environment, they think about great works of art, but they don't think about fucking. You can examine the thoughts inside their heads at any time and fucking never crosses their minds.

Now, this doesn't mean they're childish/immature/naive. I specified "adult characters" for a reason. (Which is why, say, Elmo can't count for this example; the reason Elmo doesn't think about sex is because he's a baby.) Oscar is the wisest person on the planet. Bert and Ernie are out there living adult lives—and Ernie's a bit of a dork, but he's clearly an adult with some goofy thoughts, not an adult with the mind of a child. The human characters on the show are all normal humans, and the only trait they have in common is that they all get along with kids or else they wouldn't be on the show. You could write any of these characters into serious adult plots, just age up the vocab a bit, and they'd work just fine.

These adults are also all living in a real-ish world, and all have adult educations and knowledge bases. If you removed these characters from the setting of Sesame Street to ensure there are no preschoolers around and like, asked them if they know what sex is, they'd be like, yeah. Sure. Obviously. They wouldn't be naive. They are probably all reasonably knowledgeable about sex, to whatever extent we can expect out of muppets.

But none of them think about it. None of them care about it. They don't not know about it, they just don't think about it. If a guest singer comes on with a low-cut top, none of them will even notice that you can see almost all of her cleavage. If someone shows up who they personally consider extremely good looking by whatever their respective standards are, they will admire that person's looks but not once think about that person naked. On Valentine's Day they will think about handing out chocolates to their friends, and not think about the state of their sex lives. Due to the fact that they're not naive, if SOMEBODY ELSE goes "got a date for valentine's!! Hope we'll be up late. ;)" they might go "oh congrats, gonna see a late movie? ...... oh no wait, I figured out what you mean, haha good luck."

They aren't clueless. But the nature of the reality they live in precludes sex from naturally occurring to them or appealing to them.

You can do ace characters like that. You can also do aro characters like that—this specific example is focused on ace because like, even toddler shows will show romance in the form of A Mommy And A Daddy Who Are Married or whatever, and I couldn't think of an easy broadly-recognizable example for romance-free settings. But you can apply the same "knows about it, doesn't think about it, doesn't care about it" logic to aro characters.

The advantage of taking that approach is this: you never have to focus on I wonder what it's like to never think about sex/romance? because it is, at least in my opinion, VERY easy to imagine the aforementioned characters never thinking about sex/romance. You don't have to stop and try to figure out how they interact with the world, because they just DO interact with the world, never thinking about the things they don't feel the need to think about.

A lot of times I see ace/aro characters written as somehow preoccupied with their own absence of XYZ feelings, or else mentally explaining/justifying why they dislike XYZ activities as if their orientations are something they thoughtfully reasoned out rather than something innate/unconscious; and in both cases I think that's a reflection of allo writers being preoccupied with the absent feelings or trying to come up with an explanation that makes sense to THEM for why someone would "decide" to have this orientation the writers themselves don't have an internal instinctive understanding of.

But the same writers would probably have no problem writing Oscar without sexual thoughts because it probably never occurred to them to give Oscar sexual thoughts in the first place. It's not something they need to think about and justify. They can just do it.

Now, here are the caveats:

- Of course you don't want to LITERALLY write ace/aro characters like ACTUAL characters from shows aimed at preschoolers. You can AND SHOULD have them be gritty and intelligent and willing to go commit murders or whatever, and can AND SHOULD have them demonstrate all the depth and complexity of a character in a Victor Hugo novel. This example isn't given as a suggestion for a basis of characterization, but just as a thought exercise to help someone I'm presuming is allo get into the mindset of what it's like to have a character who simply never thinks about sex or romance. "How to have a character not be thinking about sex" is all you should take from this. Please don't write ace/aro characters like you're writing to a five-year-old audience.

- Of course, ace/aro folks are all different. Some of them think about sex or romance a lot. Some of them find romance fascinating to think and write about specifically because they don't have an internal sensation of it—hi there, yours truly. Some of them are demi or gray and do feel sexual or romantic attraction once in a blue moon. Some of them aren't merely neutral to the topics, but actively repulsed, uncomfortable, hostile, etc, whether that's because of just an instinctive Ew Yuck reaction or because they live in a society where the topics (and sometimes the activities) are forced on people all the time and they got sick of it. Some of them are actively sad/wistful that they don't experience those desires. Some are very pleased with how they are but still spend a lot of time comparing/contrasting their experience of the world with other people's. "Completely oblivious and completely disinterested and completely neutral" is a real possibility, but only one possibility out of many, and it would suck if that's the only sort of ace/aro rep we get.

But—BUT—if you're new at writing ace/aro characters, particularly if you're still figuring out the very basics of how to write about them in a way that sounds natural, I still recommend this thought experiment as a way to wrap your mind around the very basic root level experience of what it's like to have a character that doesn't feel attraction. Everything else can be piled on top of that foundation later.

Because if you hop straight on to something complicated like "smut scene with a character who's ace but sex positive and into doing kinky shit," what you might actually end up writing is "character with a token line included about how they don't desire sex but think it's fun and then they spend the rest of the scene having extremely allo-sounding thoughts/reactions," whereas if you've already had some experience/practice putting yourself into the head of a, like, basic tutorial level ace character, it's easier to extrapolate from that and do things like go "well, this character is into kinky sex, BUT I probably shouldn't have them get aroused at the thought of seeing their partner naked, since their source of fun is from the act itself and not from a physical attraction to that person..." or whatever.

- If you want an example of a character who is definitely ace but who also definitely has weird sex, it's Oscar the Grouch. I will not be accepting criticism. You know it's true.

[the-passenger-if]

because you’re the first (and my favorite) cog blog i follow, i was wondering if you had any tips on how to get into the coding and writing for my own story? any direction would be greatly appreciated! and of course sorry to bother you if you get a lot of these asks!

No problem at all :) This one will be a long answer, so I'll break it into two. Also, this is sort of a short break for me, I'll answer the other asks later.

Alright, I'll assume you have no idea about choicescript so sorry if I sound condescending or anything.

What you need:

- Notepad++

First the easy (ha!) part: coding.

Go to this page and read everything, DON'T download anything yet. That's the introduction to choicescript and it's pretty easy to follow (I mean, I could follow it and I have zero coding experience and half of my neurons might as well be mashed potatoes).

This page contains explanations to what each command does (it's shorter than it looks, I promise).

Once you have some idea of what does what it's time to talk about the pain in the butt that's been mozilla firefox latest update. You see, mozilla was the only browser that played nice with choicescript, any other will show you an error page if you try to run your game outside of dashingdon.com (the page that hosts the forum WIPs) and you need to test your game in private before uploading it for everyone to see. Then update 68 happened and it screwed us all (they could've waited until update 69, opportunity lost there, mozilla guys) so Dan (one of the creators of choicescript) found a workaround and I'm sure it's awesome for people whose brain cells aren't half brain cells, half mashed potatoes but for me it's like fifth grade math: impossible.

So here's the branching part of my explanation (how very interactive-fictiony of me) you can either go with Dan's way (best way) or you can go with mine ("easy" way). If you choose Dan's, you can read his posts, try to make sense of everything, then go back to the tutorial page and download node.js, and the choicescript source from github.

If you want to try it my way download an older version of mozilla, install it somewhere where it can't auto upgrade like some freaking skynet creep—I have mine in a USB stick. [NOTE: never ever use this downgraded version to browse the web unless you want an orgy of trojans all over your PC] Go here and download the file. It's a RAR of my own choicescript folder (hopefully I'm not doing something I shouldn't, but it's for educational purposes and I'm not getting anything out of this so idk). Extract it, go to your neutered mozilla and drag index.HTML (it's inside the 'web' foder) into it. The test "game" should run without problems.

There are 2 other HTML files that will be your best friends—if pretty dense sometimes; quicktest and randomtest. Just drag them in the same way you do with index. Here is where Notepad++ comes in handy since quicktest says stuff like: QUICKTEST FAILED LINE 1408 SHOULD BE A REPTILE BUT IT'S A TURTLE (quicktest you dumb dramatic bitch). Then you open the troubling scene in Notepad++ and look for the specific line that's making quicktest cry.

And that's all for the basics, then there's stuff like multireplace (awesome when your npcs can be either non-binary or binary and it looks something like this "Roach blows you a kiss" vs. "${r_they} @{r_plural wink|winks} at you") but all that is extra stuff that you learn as you realize you need some specific piece of coding for your game.

Now go out there and practice practice practice. Go to the forum and try different WIPs and every time one does something that has you like "how did they do this?" take a look at the code, try to figure it out, learn from what other people do. [To see a game's code you need to add /scenes after mygame/ so, for example, The Passenger's would look something like this https://dashingdon.com/play/pime/the-passenger/mygame/scenes/]

Also, always ask the author if you can use their code before adding it into your game (imho the way Malin coded Ortega's and Mortum's genders is the best way to go, so I sent him a pm asking if he was ok with me stealing his code and he said there was no problem, and now you can pick between three options for Roach and Horizon thanks to Malin. Malin deserves all the love).

Part dos. The fun/stressing/i'll-kill-everyone-and-myself part: writing.

Read, read a lot, find whatever you fancy and suck the marrow out of it. Read books, comic books, manga, whatever. Watch movies, watch documentaries about those movies. Find what you like about them—a scene, a style, a tone, a piece of dialogue—and think about why it resonates with you. Listen to sad music, listen to upbeat music, feel things. Talk to your friends, see people interact. Think about why you love them. The awesome thing about being an artist is we are lucky to be always learning, improving our craft, even when we're at the cinema or getting drunk with friends; everything can be used in a story later on. A mathematician only improves when they are doing stuff with numbers (also known as magic), a fisher only improves when they are fishing; we improve just by living and going through experiences (there's also a lot of work involved in writing, but you get my drift).

Write, write, write, and when you aren't writing think about writing [here's a bunch of cool people that know what they're talking about]

Don't stop if your first attempt ends up in nothing; I started two different stories on this format before The Passenger. The first one was about a hacker and I wrote 10k words before realizing I knew nothing about hackers; the second was a story about a soldier getting killed off in the first chapter, then coming back from the dead thanks to some otherwordly being and looking to get revenge on the ones that killed them—so creative very original. This time around I managed to finish one chapter (20k words). Then The Passenger happened and it was love at first keystroke. Writing MC's inner monologue always brought a smile to my face and so I thought, Hey if this makes me happy, then maybe there's someone out there that will enjoy it too. And now here we are, who would've thunk it?

Once you're happy with your story, upload it to dashingdon.com, then create a new topic on the forum. The cog forum is super chill and 99% of people there are super chill too.

I think that's it, good luck and happy coding/writing :3

[honestandsincere]

Imagine y/n stumbling upon frat!grayson whilst he’s slouched against the wall outside of Beta Pi Delta, his head hung in between his legs. He isn’t intoxicated, far from it in fact. He’d managed to escape the mania inside, desperately lumbering through the hordes of freshmen towards the open French doors that lead out onto the backyard. Grayson just needed air, the proper kind that wasn’t polluted with smoke and breath and sweat. He needed to breathe.

Y/n doesn’t know what to do, she’d only come out to look for her friends, expecting to see them sharing a joint or something. But the yard is deserted, the lights from the pool illuminating its grimy tiles and the cheap plastic lanterns adorning the decking have long run out of power. She’s closed the glass door behind her out of respect for the scantily dressed girls inside, not wanting them to get cold. Consequently the music isn’t as deafening having been reduced to murmured melodies and pounding basslines. Y/n sighs in disappointment whilst wrapping her arms around herself in the chill night-time air, exhausted from all the dancing and mingling she’s done. Then she spots him, slumped against the stained brick. She can barely make out his silhouette against the looming shadows of the house, but deciding that it’s for the best that she checks up on him, she strides over. As y/n gets closer, she can see the broad curve of his back rising and falling rhythmically and the way his arms are hooked over his knees, as though he’d fall apart if he wasn’t holding himself in place. Y/n’s a few paces from him when she clears her throat softly. Grayson can’t bring himself to open his eyes, let alone look upwards to examine who had come to disturb him. This bemuses her as she’s certain it’s part of human instinct to acknowledge a being that’s approaching you, defence mechanisms and all that jazz. But the folded boy makes no attempt to recognise her presence, which only prompts her to take a few more steps towards him. She’s close enough to distinguish who he is, galvanising her into a brief state of catatonia. What was Grayson Dolan doing hiding from his own party?

Y/n knew Ethan through their shared Eng Lit tutorials together, they’d bonded over their intense dislike for the academic that runs the sessions. That professor litters his presentations with weird jokes that could easily be deemed beyond offensive, to which y/n and Ethan turn to each other ferociously wide-eyed with several bones to pick. Through Ethan, y/n knew Grayson. Well, she knows of him; they’ve never been formally introduced, but he’s campus royalty and she doesn’t live under a rock. However, y/n does live in a fairly acceptable apartment complex a short walk from Beta Pi Delta and somehow gets regular invites to crazy fraternity parties that are more fun then she’d care to admit, hence why she’s there tonight. “Uh, you ok?” she manages to ask, her tone purposefully soft. Grayson can’t say he recognises her voice, he’d half expected his intruder to leave after he’d paid them no attention. The last thing he wants to do right now is explain himself. “I could go get you some water if you’d like?” y/n continues, trying to be as tentative as possible. Grayson exhales audibly through his nose, as though to compose himself, before lolling his head backwards against the wall. His eyes land on her as she towers over him, her arms still clinging to her frame, dressed in some jeans that seem really comfortable and a black top that makes her look like a character from a 90s sitcom. Tiny silver earrings hang from her lobes and they sparkle in the darkness, illuminated by an unknown light source. He knows who she is and she’s really pretty. “No, I’m good thanks, y/n.” he rasps, eyes frantically trying to focus on her. “Oh!” she’s taken aback by the concept of him being aware of her existence. “Ethan’s pointed you out to me on many occasions,” Grayson half laughs, “if that’s what you’re wondering.” “Ok.” is all she can muster as a reply. An awkward silence settles over them with no intention of shifting until one of them breaks the quiet. Y/n doesn’t know what to do with herself, not wanting to leave him alone in the cold but also too scared to bombard him with her presence. Grayson continues to study her in the dim light, happy it was her that found him out there and not some alcohol-riddled mongrel of a fraternity brother that wants him to open another keg. She looks over her shoulder to give her something to do, pretending to continue to look for her girls. “I’m ok.” he says. She turns back to look at him, her gaze dancing over his figure. He looks drained, purple indentations under his darkened eyes juxtaposing his words. “Really?” “Yeah honestly, I just needed some air.” he shifts his head so he’s looking downwards again and she decides that she doesn’t like it when he looks away. “Not to be rude, but you sound like you’re lying.”

Instant regret pulses through her as soon as the words slip past her lips. She knows that when someone says they’re fine, more often than not they really aren’t and even more often than that they don’t want to talk about it. Y/n goes to turn away but she’s stopped by his voice. “I need some advice.” He declares. “Ok, do you want me to give it to you?” “If you wanna. Sit with me.” So she does. She lowers herself down so her back is pressed against the rough brick, scooping her legs up into her arms like he’s done. Y/n’s arm is pressed against his and he’s cold. “What do girls mean when they say you’re just not what they want?” he chuckles bitterly, leaning his head back against the wall again giving her a perfect view of his side-profile. “I don’t think that’s something exclusively said by girls.” she furrows her brow in amused confusion. “Really? I get it all the time.” “Ouch. That’s brutal.” “Yeah, it is.” he turns to look at her and smiles at her wincing. “Is that why you’re out here?” “Sort of.” “Do you wanna elaborate?” she’s acutely aware of her need to let him lead the conversation.

He begins explaining that Chelsea, a girl he had been set up with via his friend Bryce who also happens to be a girl y/n can’t say she knows, had been invited to the party tonight as Grayson’s sort of almost date. Grayson tells y/n that he has an awful track record when it comes to girls, he says he always falls too hard too fast and starts romanticising them in his head until he’s left with the harsh reality that she isn’t as great or as nice as he wants her to be. But Chelsea had seemed quite pleasant and Bryce’s persuasion skills were surprisingly strong, so Grayson had texted her for a few weeks. He says that he really opened up to her, yet was haunted by this feeling that she knew him better than he knew her. Chelsea couldn’t have been more disinterested, not even if she tried and it all climaxed tonight in the kitchen when she’d confessed she really only wanted to get to know Ethan and she’d heard Grayson was relatively easy. In a moment of bitter disappointment and unexpected hurt Grayson needed to breathe, so he’d escaped into the comforts of the cold empty night.

“God, that’s awful,” y/n gasps quietly, “I’m sorry.” “It’s not like you did anything, y/n.” he laughs but it’s sad and half-hearted. “Still, the whole situation sucks.” “Yeah I guess. I just feel as though I won’t ever be what people want. I’m not like Ethan, I’m not effortlessly confident or witty or book-smart. I have to work for what I want and he just seems to get things without trying.”

They’re enveloped in silence, but it’s not as stifling as the first one. Y/n feels comfortable in his presence despite barely knowing him and he feels as though a weight has been lifted from his shoulders, a weight he didn’t realise he’d been carrying. “I think you’re a catch, Grayson.” she whispers, “I mean I don’t know you but I really do think you’re pretty special.” He doesn’t know what to say. Pretty, smart girls don’t usually take him seriously. “And you may not see what I see, but just know that I think you’re great. It may be an incredibly humble opinion, but it’s a valid one nonetheless.”

“Thank you for listening.” is all he says, staring at her with so much adoration he can’t determine how it’s going to manifest. She grins back at him, “Of course, Dolan. If you ever want to talk again, I’m here.”

Y/n manages to coax him to his feet, taking both of his large hands in hers and pulling him gently back into the house. She tells him she won’t leave him if he doesn’t want her to and he wraps one of his muscular arms around her shoulder and tugs her tenderly into his side. They walk back into the party in each other’s arms, giggling at something y/n had said about the house smelling like the devil’s armpit.

Y/n and Grayson spend the rest of the night completely immersed in one another. He introduces her to his fraternity brothers, each of them elbowing him in the ribs and raising their eyebrows suggestively when her back is turned. Y/n is reunited with her friends who stare, utterly mesmerised by the Adonis that now seems to be little y/n’s closest confidante. Grayson can’t wipe the smile from his face as him and y/n seem to accumulate a small crowd of mutual friends and as she’s dragged away by one of her girls who is desperate for y/n to tell her everything, he can’t help but feel gorgeously content.

“You’re smitten, Gray!” Ethan laughs, slinging an arm around his younger brother, “She won’t hurt you, she has no bad bone in her body – they’re made of stardust or something.” “Tell me about it.”

She fell for him as he fell for her, slowly but unabashedly. Weeks later, y/n and Grayson are sat facing one another in the campus coffee shop, licking whipped cream off teaspoons. This was their second official date and it couldn’t have gone more swimmingly. Ethan had warned him not to get too invested too quickly, telling him that just because y/n had called him cute or whatever, it didn’t mean she was in love with him. But y/n found herself slipping into that delicious bliss that only comes with matching wits perfectly with someone. She knows Grayson like the back of her hand and she can’t get enough of him. “This is perfect,” Grayson sighs taking a sip of his hot cocoa. “I know, the marshmallows are to die for!” She grins this breathtaking kilowatt smile. “Yeah, the company’s not too bad either.”

I hope you enjoyed this little Grayson piece! I really can’t tell whether I like it or not, but I wanted to post something because of all the lovely comments I’ve received. Again, feel free to send me asks or concepts or suggestions! - K 💘

[imyourliquor-youremypoison]

A Girl’s Best Friend (Peter Parker x OC) - Part 3

Synopsis: Diamonds are man’s best friend- or dogs are girls’ best friends, wait… how does the saying go again?

Warnings: Family issues; Peter has a crush and it’s complicated; mention of assault; good dogs; College AU; aged up! characters; TONY STARK IS ALIVE AND WE ALL LIVE IN A HAPPY PLACE CALLED DENIAL

A/N: In this story, Peter has Tom’s dog, Tessa.

Word count: 2.5k

Part 2 <<< >>> Part 4

MASTERLIST

                Despite following her home, Peter hadn’t felt right since that night a week ago, and his mind constantly jumped back to the scene he had witnessed on his way back from his daily beat around Queens.

                He kept thinking he could have taken another way, he could have gone home ten, or even five minutes earlier or later, and then he would have missed her. So many little things had factored in the fact that he saw what happened and intervened before it was too late, it made him dizzy to think about it. So many what ifs…

                He had seen her again in class, but she looked completely out of it too. She was a diligent student who always completed her work as far as he knew and seeing her zone out and distractedly doodle in her notebook inside of taking notes made his stomach churn. He knew she was shaken up by what happened, as any person would be in her stead, but it felt wrong that she would keep it all bottled up.

                It confirmed his guess about her having no real close friend to talk to, and he had half a mind to stand up in the middle of their applied physics tutorial to sit next to her in a show of support. Except it wouldn’t do, because the last time – and the first time – they interacted, she had yelled at him for standing in her way and not even donating his blood.

                Honestly, that wasn’t fair, but he couldn’t exactly tell her why he didn’t donate, now could he? Therefore, he stayed where he was, glancing at her every now and then, as if to make sure she hadn’t burst into silent tears or whatever, and barely listened to the tutorial himself.

                It wasn’t just in class either, Peter thought about it all the time. He thought about it way too much for someone who didn’t even talk to the girl or have any kind of relationship with her whatsoever. It kept him awake at night; it made him zone out during conversations with Ned; it distracted him to the point where his dog had to whine to get his attention when she needed to go out for a walk.

                It reached a point where he simply had to go talk to her, if only to put his own mind at ease and go back to his routine without having her constantly plague his thoughts.

                Like right now, for example. A little snap was all it took to make Peter come down from his cloud.

“Tessa! Tessa!” he called after his dog, who was now dashing away and through the campus, quickly disappearing from sight.

                He gave a disbelieving look at his hand, still holding the leash. The short leather leash that just snapped a second ago, allowing Tessa to run away like the devil himself was chasing her. It was more likely to have been a squirrel than the devil that got her to run like this, but the result was the same.

“Fuck,” Peter cursed before running after her.

If there weren’t so many people around, he could have caught up quickly, he could have used his powers – but no, Tessa had wanted to go for a walk now. In the middle of the afternoon. She was already so far ahead, his heart was pounding in his chest.

“Tessa!” he shouted, frozen amidst the crowd, looking around with a panicked look on his face.

  *

                  Emmeline had reasonably good reflexes. Granted, her mind was a bit elsewhere these days and she often caught herself being distracted in situations she should have been paying attention instead. But when she saw a blurry form dash towards her at lightning speed, recognizing it immediately, she jumped into action so quickly her brain didn’t even process what happened.

                She had been walking across the lawn to go to her favorite Sushi shop to buy tonight’s dinner, playing with her stress ball because it was the only thing grounding her this week, when it all happened.

                Emmeline brought two fingers between her lips and whistled loud enough to get the dog to freeze and look for the source of the sound, then she quickly threw her little ball to get its attention. Its ears perked up and it lurched forward to get the ball, not caring that it was a small moss ball. The idea was to distract the dog so its master could catch up – Emmeline was no stranger to dogs making a run for it and she saw the broken bit of leash still attached to its collar.

                It was a beautiful female pitbull with a light gray coat. She approached it slowly, making sure to not alarm the dog who didn’t know her, but she seemed friendly enough and let her into her close vicinity.

“Here, sweetie,” Emmeline purred, trying for a pat.

                The young pit immediately sat down and wagged her tail, looking at the girl with big, happy eyes, tongue out, ball in front of her.

“Well, aren’t you a nice girl,” she continued, now giving her ears a good scratch. “Where’s your master? Mmh?” she hummed, unable to stop talking to the animal.

                Now kneeling on the ground, Emmeline took the golden medal hanging at the dog’s collar between her fingers. It said ‘Tessa’, and on the back was a phone number.

“Let’s wait a few minutes before I call your master, what do you say?”

                Tessa answered with a low woof and then raised a paw, as if asking for a treat.

“I’m sorry, I don’t have anything with me at the moment.” She usually did carry around dog treats in her bag, but not when she was going to buy food. “I’m sure you’ll get plenty of treats once we return you to your master. He’ll be so happy to see you again.”

                People were starting to look at her weird for kneeling on the grass and cooing at a dog that wasn’t hers, having a full-on conversation with it too. She hadn’t talked this much to anyone in a week now, and it felt good just to not be silent all the time.

“Tessa! Tessa come here!” she suddenly heard someone call from a distance.

                Tessa must have heard it too, because she turned her head around, searching for the person calling her name.

“See? Didn’t need to call him.”

                Emmeline stayed down, holding Tessa by the collar since her leash had broken off, and waiting for the desperate shouts to come closer.

“Here!” she called, waving her arm to get the boy’s attention when she spotted him. He ran so fast, he was in front of her in the blink of an eye.

“Oh, my gosh, Tessa!” He nearly threw himself on the ground to hold his dog, making Emmeline laugh and finally stand up, dusting off her jeans who were now green at the knees. “Never do that to me again!”

                Emmeline said nothing but observed the two being reunited with a fond smile on her face, watching the boy shower his dog with love.

“Thank you so, so much-“ he started, looking up at her with a large smile full of gratitude. Then his smile dropped, and Emmeline frowned a bit too.

                It was him.

                She could tell he wanted to stand up, but he couldn’t just let go of Tessa what with the absence of leash. A slight blush crept to his cheeks and he looked a little bit to her left, right above her shoulder instead of meeting her eyes.

“S-sorry about her,” he started, stuttering out the first word. “She must have seen a squirrel or something, and this leash is so old, I should have bought a new one ages ago.”

“There’s a veterinarian just round the corner over there,” Emmeline said, not answering his apology. “You can’t go home like this, I’m gonna go see if they have a spare leash, stay here.”

“Wha- wait!” he called after all, still sitting on the ground. “You- you don’t have to- I can-“

“Just stay here,” she told him, glancing over her shoulder. “I’ll be right back.”

                She strode off as quickly as she could, going straight to the veterinarian. Her own cheeks were burning hot – with embarrassment. It was the boy from the Red Cross donation, the boy she had yelled at and belittled in front of a bunch of other students for no valid reason. Gosh, of course it had to be him, she couldn’t finish this week on a positive note.

                She shook her head. No, she couldn’t think like that. This was the perfect chance for her to apologize and make things a little better. It was a good occasion to flip this awful week around. Set her karma straight.

                Her feet brought her right outside the office, and she waltzed it like she owned the place. There was a little corner where they sold stuff, and Emmeline grabbed the most expensive leash - the same leash that she had at home, this way at least she knew this one was sturdy – and bought it, removing the tag as she stepped out.

                The way back was even shorter, and her legs were a little stiff from the tense power-walk. She was just finishing giving herself a pep talk when she reached Tessa and her master.

                He was now full on sitting crossed legged on the grass, giving Tessa belly rubs and letting her play with Emmeline’s stress ball. She would need a new one soon.

“Here you go.” She handed him the leash in a rather stiff manner, cursing herself for being so weird about this. Maybe he hadn’t even recognized her?

                Bullshit, he had recognized her the second his eyes had landed on her.

“Oh, thank you. You really didn’t have to-“ he started, clipping the new leash on Tessa’s collar and getting rid of the old one.

“Yes, I did,” Emmeline cut him off, hands in her pockets, staring at her boots. “I’m sorry about last week.”

                Peter’s shoulders relaxed and he finally stood up, Tessa by his feet, looking at the girl who had seemed so tough last week. She didn’t need to apologize, but he could see it made her feel better, so he didn’t try to convince her otherwise.

“It wasn’t that bad,” he chuckled a tad awkwardly.

                When she looked up and met his eyes, the laughter died in his throat. She had impressively deep eyes, very dark, captivating really. He could feel his face heat up again.

“It was uncalled for. I was upset and took it out on you,” she continued. “And I wanted to apologize, but I didn’t see you again, so…” she trailed off, pouting a little.

“We actually have a few classes together,” Peter told her, earning a startled look. “I’m Peter, by the way.”

                She sucked in her cheeks a little bit, staring at the hand he offered her. Just when he thought she was going to ignore him she took it in hers.

“Em,” she simply said. “And I’m also sorry for not realizing we shared classes.”

Could she embarrass herself any more than she already had in front of this boy? He seemed kind, she observed. The little crinkles at the corner of his eyes told her he smiled often. He looked like the kind of person who didn’t have a single mean bone in them.

“That’s okay, I’m very unnoticeable,” Peter teased her in an attempt to get a smile out of her. She had been smiling so bright when she petted Tessa, but her entire face dropped as soon as she stood up and began to talk to him. “Invisible, you could say.”

“That’s not necessarily a bad thing.” She shook her head a bit, wishing she was a bit more invisible to the world. “It could be a superpower.”

                Peter laughed weirdly, it was a bit forced, but then again, Emmeline wasn’t the most at ease in this conversation, and it might have rubbed off on him.

“A superpower, yeah,” he repeated. “I’ve always wondered if the Invisible Man had to be naked in order to be fully invisible.”

                He could have smacked his head into a brick wall for saying that to this pretty girl who had just saved the day. It was their first real conversation, and he was geeking out on her and talking about nakedness. Just the way to a girl’s heart.

                But she laughed this time. And she brightened up the same way she had when she cuddled Tessa.

“Solid theory. You can see his glasses and hat after all, it would make sense.” She shrugged.

                Peter was so thoroughly dazzled that he did not know what to say in response to that. If he were having this conversation with Ned, he would know exactly what to answer, but this wasn’t Ned at all. This was the girl that had caught his eye a while ago, and who had just saved him from losing Tessa, and she just made a funny remark about a comics character.

“I- euh-“ Peter blushed so hard he had to look at his feet for a second to collect himself. “I’m going to finish this walk and go back to studying,” he blurted out. It wasn’t a lie, but he could have made a bit more time to talk to her before leaving.

“Yeah, sure.” Emmeline nodded a bit too vigorously. “I also have… things… to do.”

                She sure had gone a long way downhill since seventh grade when she had won that elocution prize. It was back when she didn’t cuss every other word.

“How much do I owe you for the leash?”

“Nothing.” She brushed it off with a wave of her hand. “Just bought the cheapest one, and I owed you a real apology so… take it.”

                Peter wanted to argue but she had a way of just ending the conversation that made it clear she would not take his money even if he shoved it into her wallet directly. She crouched down to say goodbye to Tessa, who licked her hand just as she reached for her chin to give her a few scratches.

“Tessa, c’mon,” Peter groaned. “Sorry about the dog saliva,” he told Emmeline with a sheepish look, his lips brought in a thin line.

“No worries, I’m used to it. I chose the dog owner life,” she laughed, rolling up her sleeve just a bit.

                Peter knew that of course, but he had to pretend he did not.

“What kind of dog?”

                Emmeline took her time in answering the question, eyes still focused on Tessa.

“Same as you. Female pit. Light brown with just-“ Her finger hovered above Tessa’s left eye to trace a circle. “One white spot here.”

                He didn’t say anything else because he couldn’t think about anything other than the way she smiled at Tessa, probably picturing her own dog, eyes full of affection. For a split second, he wondered what it was like to be on the receiving end of such a stare.

“Well, I’ll be on my way now,” she told him suddenly, standing up again and meeting his eyes with her intense dark ones. “I’ll keep my eye open in class and… maybe say hi?”

                God, Peter would like nothing more than that.

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