#how well has attacking what you don't understand or fear worked for you guys so far

[incarnateirony]

[skzstannie]

“What about Ben?”

SKZ-> ot8 x 9th member fem! reader

genre: angst, hurt/comfort wc: ~4,800 cw: reader has a panic attack and depression, Ben is ur lil bro

summary: your mom isn’t happy about your absence at your brother’s birthday party, but she takes her anger a step too far this time

A/N: Happy New Year everyone! I hope everyone has a blessed 2024! Part 2s for both the Felix and the Han fic are underway, so send me an ask if you’d like to be added to the tag list for either of them!

Happy Scrolling! | Masterlist

"Mom, you know I can't just up and leave! What are you expecting me to do?"

You find yourself having the same conversation with your parents time and time again- they want you to come home, you can't come home, then they give you the silent treatment for a period of time until they want you to come home for something else.

It's mentally exhausting, having to deal with their constant negative remarks towards you job. You only do it for your little brother; him growing up without you is not in the cards for you. In fact, that's what this argument you're having with your mom is about this time.

"I expect you to put your family first for once in your life!" your mother yells back. You flinch, pulling the phone away from your ear.

"Mom, you know I wouldn't miss Ben's birthday unless I absolutely have to. I want to be there for him, I really do!" your words do little to convince her as she already has her mind made up about the type of person you are.

"This has happened one too many times. Missing the occasional family gathering is one thing, but it’s your brother's birthday." Her disgust easily wafts through the speaker of your phone, and you bite your lip to keep from absolutely lashing out at her.

Your parents were never understanding of your job. They always expected you to just pack up your bags and fly home for the smallest of things.

Your baby cousin said her first words? "Why aren't you here?"

Your little brother lost another tooth? "Why would you want to miss this important milestone?"

Your grandma got a new dog? "What kind of heartless person denies their grandparents?"

Over and over, you've been criticized for your job. You give them the same explanation each time, as it's the truth.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I want to be there; I really really do. It's just that-"

"Always with the excuses. Ya know what? I'm tired of the excuses," she pauses and your breath hitches in your throat.

"Ma?" your voice is choked up, and you find your lip wobbling from where it's pulled between your mouth.

Your mother sighs, her disappointment evident. "We're done with the excuses, Y/N. If you can't be here for us, I don't think this is going to work out."

You swear your heart stops upon hearing her words. "What do you mean?" the laugh you let out is far from humorous. It's desperate. "How could it not work out? I'm your daughter, there's nothing to work out. You're supposed to love me and care for me, unconditionally."

"You've crossed the line too many times. Don't try to spin this around and make me the bad guy. This is completely your fault, you and those stupid boys."

Your parents could talk trash about you all they want, but you never let them get away with saying stuff about your boys. "You can belittle me, argue with me, call me every name in your book, but I will not let you talk about the guys like that. They're my family, too," your almost able to catch yourself, but you realize your mistake far too late.

"Oh, yea? Well, if those guys are your family, why not spend the rest of your time with them, too. It’s not like you weren’t already planning to anyway. Spend your holidays with them, your birthdays with them. He’ll, what do you even need us for?”

Tears well in your eyes, a mix of anger and fear swelling deep in your gut. "Mom, you know that's not what I meant." You’re completely choked up, your words coming out just above a whisper in volume.

You've had fights, but they never go as far as this. Usually, your mom would've hung up by now, leaving you with nothing but radio silence for months on end.

As toxic as this is, she's your mom. You couldn't live this life without her. She's toxic now, using your vulnerability against you every chance she gets, but she wasn't always that way.

She was once a loving mother, one who packed your lunch every morning for school, sending you off with a kiss on your cheek. A mom who'd pay extra to get more of your school pictures so she could put them on her desk at work and in her car. She used to show her love for you as any mother does, but you havent felt that in so long.

The last time you were home was a little over two months ago, and not once did she hug you, kiss you, or even touch you. She was cold and emotionless towards you.

You should've seen it coming. All this tension building up for months on end, it was going to have to bottom out eventually.

As much as the above is true, the words that flew out her mouth next shocked you beyond belief, causing the tears to flow freely from your waterline.

"Don't come back home, Y/N. I'm serious. You've done too much damage to my family." There’s a beeping on the other end of the phone, and it drops from your shaking hand to the carpeted floor beneath you.

Don't come back?

You were always sorry, apology after apology leaving your lips when you had to miss something your family organized. You thought it'd be okay. Your mom would get over herself eventually, and you'd come home when the company allowed you to.

You pick up the phone, hands a trembling mess, and call back, praying for another chance to explain yourself. You’re met with an automated message, the robotic voice piercing your ear.

"I'm sorry, this customer is unavailable."

You hang up and call again. She wouldn't have blocked you. It was just a silly fight, right?

"I'm sorry, this customer is-" you hang up before the message finishes, throwing your phone onto the floor next to you.

Your sobs become audible, and your body crumbles onto the floor, your knees thankful for the soft surface the carpet provides. Your fingers claw at the skin around your eyes, looking for a relief from the emotional pain coursing through your body.

Red lines mark your face, leaving the areas tender and puffy.

Your heart constricts in betrayal.

How could she?

She raised you, gave birth to you. How was it so easy for her?

The thought of your little brother enters your jumbled thoughts, and your heart breaks further.

He’s only six years old, and he is the best little brother you could ever ask for. He loves with all his heart, and you are lucky enough to get to experience it, to be apart of that little circle he could wrap his arms around and squeeze with all his might.

The thought of never squishing his chubby cheeks again destroys you, and you're unable to express the amount of heartache you're feeling.

So you scream.

You scream loud, your emotions ripping through your throat like shards of glass through skin.

You’re too distraught to notice the door to your bedroom whipping open. Chan and Minho stand there in the doorway, their eyes wide and mouths agape.

They've never seen you like this before. They've never seen anybody like this before, actually. Your screams are manic as they bounce off the walls around you, echoing around the room.

Once their shock dies off, they rush over to you. Minho is gentle in his grip but firm as he pries your hands away from your face. He gasps when he sees the damage your nails have already done, your once soft features now blotchy with angry red streaks.

You continue to scream, your nails now digging into Minho's arm. Chan grabs you from behind, doing his best to soothe you out of your hysteria.

"Y/N, you have to calm down. Please, it's ok, shhh," he says, his hold around you tight in an attempt to give you some sense of security.

"What happened? Can you talk to us?" you ignore Minho.

They accept that you're too worked up too answer them, and they let you finish your episode, the two of them doing everything they can to try and soothe you.

The rest of the guys in the dorm stand in the doorway now, your cries too agonizing for them to ignore. Varying degrees of shock are spread across their faces as they watch.

Chan starts to mumble sweet words to you as you come out of your panic attack, your brain finally able to register your surroundings again.

“It hurts,” you whimper, chest aching. “It’s so hard to breathe.”

"It's ok, we're here," he repeats, his head pressed up against the side of yours.

"Tell us five things you can see right now," Minho says from beside you, his grip still tight around your sweaty hands.

Your voice is scratchy, your throat red and scarred from your screams, but you oblige, knowing this will help you ground yourself. "I see my alarm clock," your eyes scan your room, landing on the bright digital clock you have sitting on your bedside table.

"Good," he hums, "What else?"

Your eyes travel to the door and you see the scared faces of the rest of your members. You lock in on Felix, his hands clenched tightly in front of him as salty tears stream down his face.

"I see Felix," you whisper, the pain from your throat becoming more and more noticeable.

He nods his head. "Good, now three more things. What else do you see?"

You look to your opened closet, your eyes catching the way your clothes spill out of your messy dresser onto your floor. "I see my favorite hoodie. I see my curtains, and I see that stain on my wall."

"Perfect, Y/N. Take a few deep breaths now." You breathe with Minho, your erratic breaths eventually matching his steady ones.

Finally calmed down enough, you slump back into Chan's hold, completely exhausted from the panic attack.

The room is silent for a moment, all the guys letting you have a second to gather your bearings.

"What happened?" Changbin steps through the rest of the members, settling next to the three of you on the floor. The rest follow suit, some sitting on your bed and some sitting beside Changbin.

"It's my mom again. I don't even know, I think she like, kicked me out? Like, kicked me out of the family?" You're almost embarrassed to explain the situation. You don't know why, maybe in fear your members will think your mom's right. That maybe you have been missing too many family functions, and that you should’ve made more time for them.

"Y/N, that's awful," hums of agreeance come throughout the room, and Hyunjin's words help to reassure you. "You don't deserve that, not one bit."

"She's completely out of line. Nothing you did warranted this at all," Seungmin chimes in. He knows thoughts of uncertainty are swirling through your head, the gaslighting from your mother turning your thoughts to mush.

"What about Ben?"

"What about him? You know your mom's full of shit, and the minute you show up at her doorstep she'll welcome you in. She's bluffing," Changbin pipes up again, his shoulders tight with anger.

"I don't think she is this time."

~ ~ ~

It's another day, and you've spent it the exact same way you spent the last five- curled up in your bed with the lights off, mindlessly scrolling through your phone.

Chan's come in to check on you periodically, but you’ve been alone for the most part.

The knock at your door alerts you from your sleepy state, and you call them in.

“Hey, I brought you some soup. Minho made it earlier today, and I figured you might be hungry,” Chan says, giving you a timid smile.

“Thanks, Chan, but I’m not really hungry right now. Can you just set it there?” You point to the little table you have at the end of your bed, “I’ll eat it later, I promise.”

Your phone starts to ring, and you gasp when you see who’s calling.

Dad

You pick up immediately, and you’re met with the distant yells of your parents. Confused, you ask, “Hello, Dad?”

“Sissy,” comes through. It’s Ben. His voice is small, and fear seeps through the speaker.

“Buddy, what’s wrong?” You keep your tears at bay, knowing you need to be strong for him. Chan sits down beside you when he hears the little voice you’re talking to, and he rubs your back in comfort.

“Mom and Dad are fighting again,” he sniffles, the microphone personifying every bit of his sadness. “I miss you, Sissy.”

“I miss you, more, buddy, but I don't think we're gonna be able to see each other for a while," you choke back sobs.

“But I miss you so much,” he’s crying harder now, and it’s hard to hold yourself together knowing he’s struggling like he is.

“I know, buddy, I know. I’m so sorry I missed your birthday, I couldn’t get a day off work,” you explain. Chan brings his finger up to your cheek, catching your tear before it’s able to fall from your cheek.

You hear Ben gasp, and your heart beat picks up. “Ben, is everything ok? What happened?”

“Mommy’s coming, and I have to go. She told me I couldn’t talk to you, but I stole Dad’s phone. Love you, sissy,” and he’s gone before you can even say it back.

Chan eventually leaves your side upon your request to be alone for a while. The soup beside your bed grows cold as your sadness overwhelms you once again.

~ ~ ~ "Alright, rise and shine!" you're awoken from your slumber by the bright light shining in from your window. You groan, throwing your pillow over your head to block the light. Your curtains hadn’t been opened in weeks, and you were planning on keeping it that way for as long as possible.

"Nope," the intruder says, ripping the pillow from off your face.

"We've allowed you to wallow in this room long enough. If we're not performing or doing an interview, you're laying in the dark in bed." Your eyes open, crusty and sore from the crying you did before falling asleep the night before.

Hyunjin's face paints your irises, his features full of determination.

"Time to get up." He throws your pillow back on the bed beside you, turning to walk out your door. "Oh, and pack a bag, we're flying somewhere today."

You shoot up in bed at that. "Nothing's on the schedule for today, so where are we going?”

‘Is it something I can get out of?’ is what you really want to say, but you keep it to yourself.

"It’s a surprise. Get up and get dressed, we leave in an hour," he finishes, closing the door behind him.

You slide out of bed, your limbs dragging your covers onto the floor. You don't bother picking them up, too tired to care about the messy appearance of your room.

You quickly get ready, throwing on a comfortable pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. You pull your hair up into a ponytail, attempting to hide the grease that's accumulated over the past few days.

The ride to the airport is quiet and relatively peaceful. Everyone's happy to see you up and moving again, but the facade you've been putting on for the public has been washed away in your tired state, leaving your features drowsy. The dark circles under your eyes are prominent, your cheekbones sticking out more than usual. Your hair’s thinned a little, and your lips are cracked from your lack of hydration.

Through security and the rest of the way through the airport, you grip Jisung's arm, both of you needing the other's support in the overcrowded building.

Chan had explained to you that the managers wanted to start filming for the next SKZ Code a day early, fearing it might take longer than expected.

When you see the television next to your boarding terminal, your eyes practically bug out of your head.

Why would you be filming the next SKZ Code in your hometown?

That's the last place you want to go, your fight with your mom still fresh in your mind. You've been feeling the affects of it, her harsh words and actions sending you deep into a depressive episode.

Your members have noticed, trying their best to pull you from it, but nothing they did seem to work.

They can't begin to sympathize with you, none of them ever experiencing the kind of hurt you feel deep in your heart, wreaking havoc on your sanity. All they can do is offer you words of encouragement and love, assuring you that you still have a family, a very real one. While the nine of you may not be related by blood, the bond between all of you is strong.

They decided to take their efforts one step further, however, after seeing you begin to spiral. Your naps became longer and more frequent, often taking up most of the time you were supposed to be awake. You had been neglecting your self care routine, not even having enough energy to shower and brush your teeth most days.

Chan decided that enough is enough, so he convinced the managers to book you all a flight to your hometown to try and reconcile your family. As much as they wanted your mom out of your life, you were much more sane with her in it, and you needed your dad and your brother.

~ ~ ~

The flight was a success, everything going perfectly smooth.

You're now squished into the backseat of a car on the way to the house you'll all be staying at for the remainder of the filming.

The first thing you notice when pulling up into the driveway is how beautiful the house is. The front yard has the most angelic archways leading up to the house, with flowers lining the sidewalk and little statues spread about.

The house itself is amazing. Tall glass windows cover most of the front, the sunlight easily shining through, lighting up the front room.

The five of you- Hyunjin, Jisung, Felix, I.N, and yourself- make your way into the house, and all of your previous worries disappear at the sight of the incredible interior. The walls are lined with expensive looking art, chandeliers hang from the tall ceilings, and the floors are marbled with white and gray.

Chan, Lee Know, Changbin, and Seungmin went to the store in the other van. They said they needed to pick up some last minute essentials for your stay.

Little did you know, they were actually going to your parents house. Their hopes were to get your mother to forgive you, or at least be civil so you could have a conversation with her.

Unfortunately, their visit did not go as planned, and it ended with your mother threatening to call the cops on them if they didn't leave the property immediately. This, of course, did not deter Lee Know from giving her a piece of his mind. His outburst was in Korean, and the insults he threw at her were so quick she'd never be able to recall them to look them up in a translator.

As much as they wanted to stay, to defend you and help you get your family back, they knew they couldn't. Getting law enforcement involved was the last thing they needed, knowing their managers would immediately regret sending them on this short getaway.

So, with that, they went back to the house with anger embedded in their hearts. They didn't want to have to tell you the real reason you all came here. They didn't know how you would react. Would you be thankful they tried to help? Would you feel betrayed that they'd went to your home without permission? They didn't know, but it was time to face the music; there was no SKZ Code to film, and they had no shopping bags in hand, so the truth was going to have to come out.

"Y/N," Chan sighs as he plops down next to you on the couch. You're both seated in the sunroom, looking out at the lake that sits in the backyard.

He gets your attention, and you slide your phone in your hoodie pocket, turning your body to face him. "What's up?"

He hates that he has to be the one to bring up your family again. You look so peaceful, your face no longer contorted with sorrow and pain like it'd been for weeks now, but he knows he has to tell you. It’s only fair to you. "So, please don't get mad, but this whole thing may or may not have been just a setup for you to see your family again."

Your heart beats out of your chest at the mention of seeing your family again. "Really, when can we go?" Your excitement radiates off of you, and you quickly stand to your feet.

Chan grabs ahold of your sleeve and gently guides you back down next to him, his eyes filled with pity. "Well, when we said we were going shopping earlier, we actually went to your house," he pauses, his eyes scanning your features; your face is blank, the excitement from seconds ago long gone. "Your mom wasn't exactly appreciative of our presence, and she kicked us out. Said she'd call the cops if we didn't leave. I'm so sorry, Y/N."

Your mind whirls with the information Chan just threw at you. "So, all of this," you gesture to your surroundings, "was for me? There's no SKZ Code?"

He shakes his head, his hand coming to rest on your arm, "No SKZ Code."

"And my mom still doesn't want to see me?"

He shakes his head again, slower this time. "I'm so sorry for doing this to you. I thought she'd be more open to talk to you, to us, but she wasn't. If I'd have known it'd end this way, I would've never done all this."

You sit there in silence, your gaze downcast. There's no sadness or anger in your heart, no tears welling up in your eyes. You expelled all the emotions you could over the past few weeks, and you've left yourself with nothing.

You stand, your only desire to go lay down on the plushy bed you found in one of the bedrooms when you were exploring earlier. As you walk away from Chan, he stops you.

"Where are you going?"

"To sleep."

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I can come with you?"

"No thank you, I'll be fine," your voice is robotic as you decline his offer. You make your way to the room, climbing up the stairs to the second floor.

You're out like a light as soon as your head hits the feathery pillow, the day’s events catching up to you all at once.

~ ~ ~

You're rudely awoken by the sound of your phone ringing. You pull it out from your pocket, your eyes squinting at the brightness.

Your eyes widen at the contact name that appears on the screen.

Dad

You quickly press the answer button, scared if you wait too long the opportunity will disappear quicker than it showed up.

Your dad had always been a follower. He's the youngest of four siblings, so it was instinctual for him to do what they did. When he married your mom, he had been the same way. Whatever your mom said went.

Your dad loved you and your brother so much, with all his heart, but when your mom started to act up, he became distant. He was never mean to you; he just stopped calling one day, stopped texting. You knew it was because of your mom; a part of you thought he was scared of her.

The last few times you'd gone home, the tension between them was almost unbearable, but your dad always rolled with it. Essentially, he was your mom's very own punching bag. You felt bad for him, but only he had the power to do something about it. You certainly didn't want to say anything. You were already walking on eggshells with her, the last thing you wanted to do was upset her more.

You bring the phone up to your ear, a shaky 'Hello?' leaving your overly chapped lips.

"Hi, sweetie. It's Dad," his voice is as shaky as yours, and he sounds choked up.

"Dad, what's wrong?"

"I can't do it anymore, Y/N. I cannot listen to her and let her treat you this way anymore."

Your heart breaks for him. All throughout your childhood they had been a happily married couple. The love they had for each other was immense.

"I'm getting a divorce, and I'm taking your brother with me."

Your heart is so conflicted. On one hand, this is the greatest news you've ever heard. You'll get your dad and brother back! On the other hand, you'd never wish divorce on anyone. While this experience would not be exceptionally hard for you, given your nonexistent relationship with your mom and the fact that you don't even live at home, it would certainly be hard for the people you love.

"After your band mates came and tried to talk some sense into your mother, it made me realize how blind I've been these past few years. She’s been so mean and cruel to you, and I just sat by and watched."

You don't know how your little brother will take it. Your mom has spoiled him with everything under the sun. This will surely devastate him.

Your dad, too, this can't be easy for him. You know it's not easy for him from the quiet sobs you hear on the other side of the phone.

You're not sure what to say as he continues to cry. "Dad-"

"Honey, please forgive me," he pleads, his voice cracking. "I've let your mom walk all over us for years now, and I'm so sorry."

"Dad, it's ok. It's not your fault."

He's quiet for a moment. "I have Ben at Grandma's house now. Can you come? He's crying so hard. It wasn't easy to leave, your mom put up a fight and was screaming. I think it scared him a bit."

"Yes, Dad, I will be there as soon as possible. I'm leaving now. Can you send me the address so I can give it to the driver?"

He sends the address and you hang up, promising you'll see him in just a few minutes.

You hurriedly put your shoes on and run down the stairs. All your members are sat in the living room, some video game lighting up the television.

"My dad’s getting a divorce, and he has my brother at my grandma's right now. I have to go see them," you quickly ramble out, looking in your purse to make sure you have everything.

The guys are stunned at your demeanor. They haven't seen you move with such determination in weeks.

"I'm coming with you," Chan says matter-of-factly, standing from the sofa to put his shoes on.

"Chan, you don't have-"

"I want to. I just want to make sure everything's alright," he sighs at the look you give him, your eyes boring into his. "I'll even stay in the car."

You roll your eyes at that, but you don't fight him. You suppose it doesn't really matter if he's there; you just want to see your family again.

~ ~ ~

One short car ride later and you're jumping out of the car, the seatbelt flinging back against the door. Your brother waits for you on the porch, the biggest smile gracing his lips.

You sprint at him, swinging him off his feet and embracing him tightly. "I've missed you sissy!" he cheers, his little arms wound tight around your neck. His tears have dried since your phone call with your dad, leaving little streaks down his cheeks.

"I've missed you more, Bubby," you tell him, thankful to have him in your arms again. Your eyes crinkle as your mouth splits into the biggest smile.

Your dad comes outside upon your arrival and wraps the two of you in a hug, giving you a tight squeeze. His eyes meet Chan's over your shoulder, who decided to step just outside of the car.

'Thank you,' your dad mouths to Chan, giving him a grateful smile.

‘Thank you’ for what? Chan wasn’t exactly sure. Bringing you to him? He’d do it a million times over. Taking care of you? He’d never let you struggle without him by your side.

Chan gives him a thumbs up in reply, just happy to see you happy again.

[idk-bruh-20]

Tony, the futurist

Buckle in folks, I've had some thoughts and I'm about to make it ✨everyone's✨ problem.

Been thinking about Tony Stark, the futurist who saw the end of the world.

Tony, who in IM1 escapes kidnapping and torture and says, "I shouldn't be alive. Unless if was for a reason."

who, in The Avengers, has this exchange with Bruce Banner:

Tony: You know, I've got a cluster of shrapnel, trying every second to crawl its way into my heart. This stops it. This little circle of light. It's part of me now, not just armor. It's a… terrible privilege. Bruce: But you can control it. Tony: Because I learned how. Bruce: It's different. Tony: Hey, I've read all about your accident. That much gamma exposure should've killed you. Bruce: So you're saying that the Hulk… the other guy… saved my life? That's nice. It's a nice sentiment. Saved it for what? Tony: I guess we'll find out. Bruce: You might not like that. Tony: You just might.

Right after this, Cap tells Tony, "You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you."

And then Tony flies a nuke into a wormhole, tries to call his girlfriend because he thinks these are his last moments, did not go in there expecting to survive.

Although he survives, he witnesses an alien army so terrifying, so unbeatable, it gives him crippling PTSD nightmares and panic attacks, knowing they are not prepared to defend the earth.

I'm thinking about Tony who, in AOU, gets manipulated by Wanda into witnessing his worst nightmare.

Which, by the way, involves losing all of his newfound friends.

Later, he has this exchange with Nick Fury:

Tony: And I'm the man who killed the Avengers. I saw it. I didn't tell the team, how could I? I saw them all dead, Nick. I felt it. The whole world, too. It's because of me. I wasn't ready. I didn't do all I could. Fury: The Maximoff girl, she's working you, Stark. Playing on your fear. Tony: I wasn't tricked, I was shown. It wasn't a nightmare, it was my legacy. The end of the path I started us on. Fury: You've come up with some pretty impressive inventions, Tony. War isn't one of them. Tony: I watched my friends die. You'd think that'd be as bad as it gets, right? Nope. Wasn't the worst part. Fury: The worst part is that you didn't.

Tony's worst fear is to survive in a world he's failed to save. He has to "do all [he] could" or else the future he's terrified of will happen and it will be his fault.

(Not to put too fine a point on it, but there's a reason why Tony and Peter are so compatible as mentor and mentee.)

Tony's seen what's coming, and he's willing to do whatever it takes.

Here's the thing, though:

Tony doesn't actually want to die.

In AOU, when they're arguing about why he created Ultron, Tony says this to Cap:

"Isn't that the mission? Isn't that the 'why we fight'? So we get to go home?"

He tells Bruce that the reason they should create Ultron is to have "peace in our time."

He tells Pepper that his constant tinkering, his inability to ever, ever rest is because he needs to keep her safe from the oncoming threat.

Tony has a life he wants to protect, people he wants to keep safe. And, unlike the other Avengers, he knows exactly how impossible this will be to achieve.

Tony is the only Avenger who understands how severely outmatched they are. Maybe Thor understands the threat, but he has no ability to imagine losing.

Tony tries to get them to understand:

Tony: Recall that? A hostile alien army came charging through a hole in space. We're standing three hundred feet below it. We're the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but, that up there? That's… that's the end game. How were you guys planning on beating that? Steve: Together. Tony: We'll lose. Steve: Then we'll do that together, too.

Well, they do lose. And they don't do it together.

And it turns out Tony was right about everything.

He was right that he would survive to face his world that he'd failed to save.

He was right that the Avengers would not be enough.

He was right that Bruce's powers would be worthwhile someday.

And, apparently,

some people think he was right that he was only alive for this reason.

Because, obviously, the only "reason" for someone like Tony Stark to be alive is to eventually sacrifice himself, right?

A character so traumatized can only find peace in death.

Right?

No.

Stop that.

Tony Stark may have been willing to risk his life for his family, but that doesn't mean he wanted that to be his end.

Remember when this happened?

Bruce: Saved it for what? Tony: I guess we'll find out. Bruce: You might not like that. Tony: You just might.

Bruce gets to live long enough to like his ending.

Remember when this happened?

All Tony ever wanted to do was make the world a better place.

And, what about this?

You're telling me that Yinsen didn't value family above all else?

That he thought Tony should die and leave them behind?

No.

Tony Stark is a futurist.

He is the Cassandra of the MCU. He warns the others constantly of the oncoming threat that only he, apparently, can see. (Even Thanos calls him "cursed with knowledge.")

No one believes him. Alone, he tries to prepare for the threat that he has witnessed. He sits with his nightmares and tries to find a way around them, constantly.

He builds a life worth living, finds people worth protecting, just like Yinsen told him to.

To protect the future, he does all he possibly can.

Tony deserved to be part of the future too.

[rosebudbl00d]

Insane Sylas ramble about Aiden, because he's my dude. I may be crazy when I say no one understands him but like:

This guy, goes from winning every building competition—probably feeling that he's going to get everything he wants, that everythings going to turn out right, that he'll make a name for himself—to losing his status to the people he use to torment. His best friend (and boyfriend if that's your thing) leaves him, he goes through a fuckin' apocalypse. And for once the eyes aren't on him. They're on Jesse.

He can't stand it- he can't stand the thought of Jesse having what he had, or more so getting better than what Aiden had. So he follows Jesse around looking for a moment to steal the spotlight from them; he tries to steal their treasure, he nearly attacks them many a time. He's getting so aggressive from his losses that he even becomes aggressive to Lukas and tantalizes him as well. And then he goes for Sky City. Maybe it's a fresh start in a way- he makes his way to the Founder's side- he infiltrates the system so easily, at this rate he'll reach back to where he was before. Everything feels like it may turn out right again. But then here comes Jesse.

Jesse Jesse Jesse. Threatening to steal everything from him again. Whether that be the status that he's trying to rebuild, the attention he's getting- or the Eversource. He has to get rid of the problem directly, or Jesse will just take and take and take from Aiden for the rest of his life.

So. He "kills" them. And while he's at it, why not kill Lukas too? Get rid of two problems at once, two birds with one stone. The person who's taken everything from him, and the person who's betrayed him. And now Sky City is his. (I feel that often the psyche of Aiden after he thinks he KILLED three people is overlooked. Up to this point Aiden hasn't killed anyone, he's just been an asshole. Personally I feel that once he gave way to that fact that there was no saving him, and that he's a murderer now- him believing that he killed Jesse directly led to the destruction of Sky City.)

But what now? That he's gotten rid of them?

Torment. He's totally lost it at this point, all eyes are on him, and now that they are he's going to show everyone what happens when you don't look at him. He's confronted by Reginald, and he doesn't even think before deciding he's going to murder him too. But in comes Jesse. Back from the dead.

His everlasting problem. Because nothing will ever work out for Aiden. Jesse will always be better, Jesse will always come back, Jesse will always get everything. And it makes him writhe at the fact that Jesse will always win.

"You just can't stand to see anyone else win. It just drives you crazy to see somebody else succeed, doesn't it?"

He's projecting this. AIDEN can't stand to see anyone else win. It drives AIDEN crazy to see somebody else succeed. Especially Jesse. Why otherwise would he do all this? He craves the attention he had, he craves having someone at his side (Lukas.) He craves being powerful, he craves everything that Jesse has. He wants so badly to be the hero, but not for goodness, no. For all the wonderful things he'll get out of being "the good guy." If Aiden is the hero, then everyone will love Aiden, and no one will love Jesse.

But Aiden isn't the hero. Aiden is Aiden. And Aiden only knows that getting rid of whatever's constricting him will get him what he wants. If he truly wants the attention, the fear love that Jesse has, he's just going to have to kill them again.

But he's alone now. Teetering on the edge of a platform with certain death below, a thunderstorm raging above, and the source of all his problems in front of him. And Aiden knows deep down that he's not good enough to beat Jesse. He's chaotic, there's no order to his strikes, it's just rage; rage and anger that has consumed him. And that's how he's defeated.

He's held accountable- and he becomes a sopping mess. "Oh Jesse please take me back, I promise I'll be good, I understand that I've been terrible, that I'm a horrible person. Maybe I'll write a book and settle down, please look at me. Please forgive me." It's just a tactic. Attention from anyone, even Jesse, it'll be enough. Aiden's story can't end with him rotting alone in a prison cell, he has to get something out of this. He's feared by everyone in Sky City/Ground Town now, locked away to prevent him from being a threat. But it's not enough. It'll never be enough.

Maybe he'll get a line in Lukas' book. Maybe he'll read it and think "I've made it." Maybe he'll think "This isn't enough, I need to be more than just a single chapter in the story of this world." Maybe he'll throw it away, and pray that it's not real.

He's consumed by the thought of anyone getting more than he has- attention, love, fame. Maybe just maybe, the thought of Jesse getting Lukas is what sent him completely over the edge. Because as long as he has Lukas' attention, at least he has someone's, right? Someone important's attention.

-

I wholeheartedly believe that Aiden can't change. Aiden's motivations have always been to be "the best" or to be something people will look at. He's envious to a fault, so much so that he attempts genocide and regicide on a city because he wants to be looked at. By the people of Sky City, by the world, by Lukas. All Aiden wants is attention. And he'll do anything to get it.

The letter he sends is just a way to get back into the story. "I'm sorry, I want redemption," maybe it's true, but why? Why does he want it? So he can do the same thing again, try to usurp Jesse.

He'll always be like this, because he's obsessed with Jesse- he's obsessed with Lukas. And he's obsessed with the idea that he can be better than them. That he can make Lukas regret leaving him for Jesse.

I'm absolutely fascinated by that thought. That Aiden's motivation for attention is brought to light by Lukas leaving the Ocelots for the Order. Aiden absolutely hates him for it, for abandoning him- him and Maya and Gill. Maybe in his own eyes he sees Lukas doing it for the same reason he'd do it—for the promise of attention. He hates Lukas for it, he hates hates hates him. But at the same time he's infatuated with the idea of Lukas coming back- of him apologizing for leaving, and everything going back to the way it was. Aiden on top, Jesse on the bottom, and Lukas right by Aiden's side.

This is also why I feel that post ep4 Aidkas is just completely rooted in toxicity, and also why I feel really any ship with Aiden is just destined to fail. He's clung onto Lukas so hard, and Lukas has moved on, but he hasn't. He's obsessed, and he wants to be loved by Lukas again- even though that's simply just not possible. Lukas hates Aiden as much as Aiden hates Lukas, but Lukas doesn't love Aiden as much as Aiden loves him. Maybe Aiden thinks that Lukas will fix him, change him and make him better, give him that opportunity to be great. But Lukas can't- nobody can.

No one can fix Aiden, not even himself. He's broken, and chaotic, and obsessive. He cannot let go, he can't move on, and he can't be changed.

His obsessions with attention and with Lukas and with being better than everyone else will always bring him down and ruin anything that he tries to have.

SORRY for the ramble, Aiden's my favorite MCSM character and has been my comfort character for a long-ass time and I just need to talk about him 😭 I'm sorry if it doesn't make much sense either-

I would go on but this thing is already long as shit and I don't want to kill anyone with the length of my insanity. But maybe sometime I'll get around to explaining how I think this plays into how I see Aidrose and post-canon interpretations of Aiden :3

[kitsunefox1108]

Hello if you're request are open, may i have self aware Leon from resident evil 4 remake and the reader likes his romantic outfit. the reader has the biggest crush on Leon and she talks about his cosmetic how handsome and sexy he looks he just smiles and smirks at the camera when the reader rotates the camera. the more she plays the game eventually she gets pulled into resident evil. or he gets pulled into the readers world whichever one works. as time goes by they fall in love with each other.

thank you. :)

Leon loves how you can often compliment him as you progress through the game, and secretly smirks at the thought as you control him to kill the villagers.

you spent a lot of your free time playing, and often even had dreams where you stand in front of Leon and communicate with him.

Dreams are so real that sometimes you don't want to wake up in the morning.

And when you were transported to the world of the resident, you did not immediately understand that this was not a dream.

You looked for Kennedy again, and even found , but when the guy with the chainsaw walked towards you, you backed away in fear.

Leon, seeing your fear, even managed to forget about Ashley's safety, and he shot the attacker, after which he ran up to you. - "How are you?" -"Fine! The main thing is that I'm alive!"

Leon offered his hand, and you gladly accepted the help, getting up from the ground. Suddenly you hear Ashley screaming asking Leon for help. -"Leon! Help!!! What were you thinking when you were distracted?!"

when the situation more or less calmed down, you finally introduced yourself to Leon, however, when he asked how you ended up here, given that you are (most likely) not Spanish, nor are you under Saddler's control.

You yourself did not know what to answer him, and simply said that you have amnesia.

The more you progressed through the story, the more you realized that you somehow got sideways into the world of the game. Yes, and Kennedy immediately recognized you and your voice, but he had to pretend that he did not know who you were. He kept an outwardly calm look, but inside his emotions raged at the fact that you fell right into his hands.

When the story was nearing the end, you understood that all the terrible things were over. For not the longest time, you became attached to Leon even more than it was when you were sitting at the monitor, playing the game. Yet actually interacting with Kennedy had a much deeper effect than playing him.

You did not know if it was worth telling Leon the truth .. However, he himself admitted that he knows perfectly well who you are and that you played for him.

You were shocked when you heard this, but Leon assured you everything was fine. And he was pleased with the compliments that you said to him throughout your playing time.

"Now that we can look into each other's eyes… I have to do my most important task." - said the guy, after which he came closer and took your hands in his. He approached your lips, looking with some excitement and anticipation. You didn't realize how hard your heart was beating and how much you were looking forward to this moment.

Leon touched his lips to yours.

He kisses deeply, trying his best to show you how much he is attached to you. Like he did before, when he wouldn't even let the Spaniards touch you…

He adored you.

And it was mutual.

[thequietkid-moonie]

Best friends w/ King

[ HEADCANONS ] [ One Punch Man ]

⚠️ This contain a little bit of spoilers

I have to admit it, when i fisrt met King i didn't liked him much because of how everyone say he was the strongest person alive, but when I get to met him for real broooo that man!! haha that man is my bro, like, can I be his friend? Pretty please?

Getting to be King's friends is quite difficult, first of all it has to be before he end up involved in all the mess with the hero's society and be named the strongest man alive, otherwise he wont be able to let anyone near in fear that the farce is uncovered, as well it has to be either that you two share interest or at least aren't going to judge him in the slighest, not even think about it (he is already embarrassed about the idea of someone finding out about how he likes dating simulatores and cute characters so if someone he slowly gets close to him judge him is going to hit him hard)

But once you manage to become close enough to become his best friend you two will have quite the friendship!

King is a nerdy boy, he prefers to just stay in home and play videogames rather than going out (specially after become an S hero), so most of the time you two just text each other and play online together, he prefers to do it all by himself and he doesn't really mind playing alone but having a best friend with who play videogames makes him happy too

Just as King prefers to stay in home and play videogames it become quite common that you are invited over his place to play too (specially if you bring snacks), he isn't quite used to have friends over and his house is a mess but you are always welcome!

Even if you dont okay much about videogames or even are bad at it he doesn't mind much, he is more than willing to explain how to play and help you improve on your gamer skills, even tries to comfort you for all those times you lose your matches if it really affects you. In the other hand, if you already play videogames then is probably that you two are constantly competing, using all the combos you two know in hopes to defeat the other (all pure agressive fun)

Being King's best friend also mean knowing the truth about his hero work and even having to be there to comfort him. He has always being an unlucky guy, always in the bad places at the bad hour, somehow he always ended up being attacked by kaijus what lead him to be a nervous shaking wreck, he never liked real monsters and had no strength nor willpower to fight against them so more than once you had found him in the middle of a crisis because he just almost got killed! You aren't forced to help him calm down nor comfort him but if you do that will only make him trust in you even more and bring you two closer, indirectly seaking your comfort or just your presence to distract him after getting a bad trip put of his house

Also, once he recived the title of the strongest man alive (and he was too coward to deny it) you will know immediatly (after he finished processing the whole thing of course), he will understand if you judge him and thinks he is an idiot but you are the only one person he can count on so he feels the need to tell you, he just hopes that you'll still be there to help him overcome all this situation, even if he has the right to don't atend most of the calls of the fundation since he has the highnest position he can't avoid being reconigzed when he goes out, and it could come in handy have a moment to just relax and be himself with his best friend after that

After he met Saitama and they become friends too then your little group of friends just grow, Saitama doesn't take things too serious and, honestly? he is just happy to have another friend with who play games and doesn't bother him nor want to fight with him, so he imediatly become your friend too. You'll get to know the truth about Saitama being the real person for what King has being reconigzed for, but seeing both at peace with the topic make it easier to just brush it off or even think that is better to left it be, at the end is just winning another friend with who play videogames and just relax (he may not be as close as King as you are yet but the friendship grows slowly, and since the start Saitama shows to be trust worthy and a good friend)

[natsaffection]

I hate you! | part 2 | N. Romanoff

Avenger!Natasha x Younger!Recruit!Reader

Summary: When you're on the run from Shield and past memories remind you what you realy are.

warnings: Torture, mention of suicide, panic attack,

Word count: 9,2k

A/N: second part! We dive into the past..

-

A few months passed, and you could say that you had finally settled in. After Sokovia you spent more time together, but you still had your fears of contact. So you had taken some pictures of your comrades yourself. With Tony and Bruce you had no problems. There was information all over the Internet about them, but all the formulas and so forth got on your nerves after two minutes. With Steve, it was even easier. He had a whole museum about him, after all. You were there for several days and hours and agreed he was a good guy. About Clint, you could find some things at SHIELD. How come you guys didn't run into each other once?? And Natasha?! You can't understand that you have so much in common, and she can't look at you normally? There's nothing about her at all. Just like about you.

What you didn't know until then is that Natasha felt the same way. She rummaged through everything, former shares at SHIELD, the complete media, everything and absolutely nothing about you. Are you even registered? Who are you? She was pissed, and she knew exactly who to turn to.

"We need to talk." She stormed into Fury's office first thing that morning, wanting answers, and only he could have them.

"How is it that Y/n L/n, has no background data whatsoever, and at SHIELD!" Fury just looked puzzled from his work to her, "How come you care?"

"You're the one who showed me with to be on a team, so I must know the people too." Fury is definitely too old for this. That could have come from you. He stood up with a sigh and looked out the window, "I hate to say this, but you will only find out the answers if you ask her yourself.

Natasha chuckled. Fury isn't going to tell her? "What makes her so special that you want to protect her, huh? Let me guess, the Council is behind this." Oh, how he wished that. He turns to her and looks at her seriously again, "That's enough. You'll understand when you figure it out." He heads towards the exit until he thought of something else, "Oh by the way! While we're at it, Y/n and Rogers are on their way here right now. The three of you will be leaving in 20 minutes. The Lemurian was hijacked an hour ago and the crew held hostage.“

⧗

"Six minutes to drop, guys."

You were reading this famous book series until Steve came into your room and took you away. He gave you the memo on the way, and you were ready to go. So that's the life of an Avenger, working with time constraints and never knowing when or where it's going to hit next.

You were already in the jet that flew you to the position, and you get ready like every time. In the past, it was go and bang, you were in your mode. Now? Now you have to get your head straight, so you don't totally drift off when it starts.

"Y/n!"

Steve brought you out of your thoughts, and you look at him, "What?" You take in your surroundings and realize that everyone's was ready, "You're going to secure the back deck with Natasha and then join us," You don't listen further because you already knew what to do. Not with whom, though..And Steve seems to have seen your reaction, "What's going on?"

You look at him and then over to Natasha and roll your eyes, "Well..You should ask her that.." He followed your gaze and understood, "Hey, whatever this is between you guys, get it together and talk it out. It can't come between missions, okay?"

If only it were that simple. Who has been trying to talk to her for the last few weeks? Who's been on their best behavior and so on?

"Understood..." God, you hate it. You check your gear again and get ready to go. Steve just opens the loading door and jumps right out. Your eyes widen because you didn't know he took the shortcut. You just grin and jump out after him as well.

The wind that blew against your face did you good and brought back memories. You get ready for the intact and a little later you land bolt upright in the ocean. You quickly dive to the deck and climb up. The guards weren't exactly well placed, and you secure your deck in seconds. You had to smile from time to time because you could hear Steve's movements and his shield impacts. In exactly 5 minutes you had cleaned the entire deck and the others joined you. Now the fun part begins....

"Alright. Split up, and we'll meet at the meeting point." Steve nodded at you, and Natasha ran over with you to get under the deck. It wasn't long before you were running into the first men again. Natasha left you standing and went to work herself. You didn't mind, yet at some point it got boring. You thought it would be a little more exciting if you went ahead now, but you were wrong. What kind of soldiers are they? They literally fall down when you just blow on them.... "Finished already? Let's go." Natasha walked past you, and you had to pull yourself together not to repeat her.

After Steve had checked our position and then given the command for the attack, you wanted to get ready to meet the other ones who were rescuing the hostages. But when you notice that Natasha was going in a completely different direction, you go after her, "Uhm..isn't it that way?" You see Natasha laugh, "Didn't Nick tell you? That surprises even me right now..." Told you what, exactly? You were about to ask when three men came running towards you and threw you against the grate separating the ship with the ocean. The impact was so unpredictable that it made you drop your weapon. However, it also slid through the grate and into the water. You look behind in shock and back at the guy who attacked you. You hit him in the face, and he took it more calmly than the guys before. You ducked, kicked him in the leg and he crumpled away. He fell forward slightly, and you give him the final blow as you grabbed his head and slammed it against the bars. You look back down into the water and take a note that you need to ask Fury for a new weapon....

"What's wrong?" Natasha came up to you, thinking you were looking at something, but when she realized you were looking at nothing, she was confused. "My gun..." You had a problem.

"What?" Are you the one who's confused now? Did you take a hit? "My gun is drowning in the ocean right now..." She looks at you and looks around, "Well, take another one. Here lie a lot around, and now go on." To her, it's just a normal weapon, but she's wrong. It can fire bullets, yes, but only if you've been given permission to do so...If not, you'll have to manage in stun mode.

"I can't..." Natasha has already walked forward again and stopped, "Why not?!"

You now step away from the grate and look at the gun in front of you lying on the ground and shake your head, "It just won't work, okay? Can we please unlock with the others now?" You see Natasha roll her eyes and continue walking in her direction again.

You were going to stop her after all, but you suddenly hear more men coming towards you. "Natasha, there's more coming!" You just dodge a fist and punch the guy in the pit of his stomach. He was holding it, and meanwhile you take care of the second one. You dodge several times, punch him in the face and then kick him in the stomach as well. He fell backwards and suddenly the other one was completely on his feet again. But there were now not just two, but three. He kicked you away as well, and you rolled backwards. Natasha probably had to have gotten kicked as well that you were now back together and surrounded by several men, "Now take this one." Natasha pulled her second pistol out of the holster and handed it to you. You didn't see what it was at first, but when you tried to touch the handle, you dropped it, "No!" She looked at the gun and then back to you,

"What's wrong with you Y/n!?"

"First, I told you I couldn't and second, the others will hear the shots!" The second was an excuse, but one that definitely made sense. You notice how Natasha took her other one and fired away, "The hostages are most definitely on their way to be picked up by now and now do something!"

She ran at a couple of men, and you again dodge the blows of the others. You do the same tactic again from earlier, and it was going very well until Natasha was done with hers and decided to turn the mens from you out. They both fell down, shot. You take a few steps back and look at her annoyed.

I had everything under control!

She looks at you with a cold look and continues walking. You know better, and should actually go to Steve, but you can't just leave her alone now, can you? You sigh and go after her again. You follow her until she wanted to go around a corner, and she suddenly takes a step back and holds you. You look at her and then cautiously around the corner and see that once again two men are standing in front of a door. What is behind it? And what does Natasha want from it? “You on the right, me on the left." She sprints forward and you understand what she wanted. You turn off the right and Natasha walked through the door. You stopped and thought you were in the wrong movie. Do you actually always leave the remains on open ground? You grunt and push the boys in with you and close the door again. You look around and realize you're in a central room. Natasha is standing right in front of you, typing something on the screens, "What are you doing?" She sees you coming towards her in the corner of her eye, "Nothing that concerns you and now shut up. You've done enough, or should I say not."

You wanted to say something, but know better that it won't do any good with her. So you just lean against the wall, close your eyes and exhale deeply. Natasha could think you were exhausted, but you weren't at all. You could go on for hours, but you had to get your nerves under control, and not because of Natasha...Your head is literally screaming for at least one body. But as always, you will not give in and fight it. It is not your first and last time.

A few minutes passed before the door opened again, or rather fell off...It was Steve with the guy who was in charge. He punched him one last time in the face and he remained unconscious. That's the way to do it!

"Oh, how embarrassing.." Of course..And there's her other side again. Steve didn't expect to hear another voice and looks. He felt his face fall asleep when he saw you, "What are you doing?" You lean off the wall, "We're not doing anything! I tried to stop her, but-"

"Backing up, you should always do that..." She was as annoyed with you as you were with her. Steve walks past you and comes up to Natasha, "What's so important here?" He looked at the whole thing, "You're securing classified SHIELD data..."

"Anything I can get." That didn't make it any better. "Our mission was to rescue hostages!" Thank you..Finally someone says that. It felt good to have Steve make an announcement to her. But they were busy with each other, and you were happy that Natasha was going to get in trouble, so no one noticed that the other dude lit a grenade and threw it in your direction. Steve bounced it off with his shield, grabbed Natasha who shot a target and the three of you flew through it. The grenade exploded, and the room goes up in fire, "Okay..that one's on me."

"You're damn right it is."

"Yes it is!"

You and Steve understood each other. He got up and left the now broken room. The three of you made your way to the rendezvous point and were picked up again by the jet.

Natasha and you were heading back to the tower. Steve, on the other hand, wanted to take care of something and thus left you behind. You didn't care where Natasha went. You had to go immediately to the training room and let your thoughts run free. You go in, activate the Combat mode, grab the demo gun and start shooting. You leave your head in complete control and hit every single target without even looking directly at it. No matter where the hologram appears, you hit it. No matter how far away it is, you hit it. You hate it, but it's the only way to get down. When you were done, you threw the gun away and went to take a shower. But when you go towards the door, Natasha is already there. Who was watching you.

"Answer me this, if you can shoot so well, why can't you shoot on the damn ship?" You've had enough of her today, so you just want to get out of here. But before you could leave the room, she gets in the way, and you run right into her, "By God, what do you want?" You were so fed up. "My answer." You take a deep breath and look at her, "In all these months you didn't even want to talk to me and now," you had to get it out, "now all of a sudden you care about me? What? Are you afraid that you'll get congruence? Get your life together..." Who's the adult here?! You wanted to go further, and she held you by your arm, "Now you listen to me, L/n. I can't watch it anymore. Do you think everything is a joke? Are you really that full of yourself?" Natasha thought you were making fun of her and the team. Why didn't you use these skills before, both with Ultron and today. "You don't know anything about m-“

"And I don't care about your life either, but I will not tolerate you putting us in danger!" Now it's over. "Putting us in danger?! Who the hell put the entire mission in danger earlier to get any info! And for what?! To get a medal for SHIELD? I thought we were a team here and that it only matters what we do here at the Avengers, but I guess I was wrong, just like with Fury back then! It's always EQUAL after all!" The last word was dedicated with so much hate and anger that Natasha let go of you as you walk on to finally get into your well deserved shower.

And man did you love it. You were in there for a whopping 40 minutes and when you came out and put on some new clothes, you felt like you had been reborn. You go downstairs to get something to eat. But before you could open the fridge, Natasha came in again. You see her and would immediately- "I really-"

"I thought you'd want to hear this. Fury got attacked and it looks bad."

You drop all your stuff and follow her to one of the cars. She drove you there and the ride was silent. You both had the same train of thought. When you arrived, Natasha asked where Fury was and someone took you into a room where Steve and Maria were already standing watching the doctors. You also go closer and your heart stopped, He's going to make it? Isn't he?! Please..

"What does ballistics say?" Now asked Natasha, who was also shocked, "Three bullets, no characteristics and untraceable." That can only be- "Soviet." Before you could think about it, what no one wanted to hear came,

"Cardiac arrest!"

You move even closer to the window and see the entire team now focused on getting Nick's heart beating again. But it was now the second shock. And after the third, they stopped.

You got angry. Why don't they continue? Do they actually know who is lying there on the table?

"HEY!" You hit the glass to get the doctors' attention, but they didn't respond, "Y/n.." Maria put a hand on your shoulder, but you bat it away.

"DAMN NOW, DO SOMETHING!" You got louder and angrier. You hit the glass even harder now, and before it could break, Maria and Steve stopped you. You collapsed in their arms and couldn't believe Nick was dead. Murdered. You scream your whole soul out.

When at some point no sound came out of you, Maria got you back on your feet and took you into the next room. After a while, a few people came in to give you a chance to say goodbye. But you have already seen enough. You wait outside as Natasha, Steve, and Maria go in and, you let your mind wander again. Who are you taking the Red Order from now? Who will be there for you when it's too much? Who will save you from the Avengers again when they did put themselves out there wrong?

‎

‎

‎

‎

‎

‎ Twenty years ago:

‎

"Amniotic fluid drained."

"Incubator uterus unlocked."

"Nine-month cycle complete, infant weighs 6 pounds, 284 grams."

Exactly twenty years ago, you had seen the light of day, and a little too soon. The plan was for you to spend three more months in the tank..growing up. But there was a last-minute change.

"M-Ma'am! You're endangering the fetus with the-" The woman who was supposed to be in charge of you had concerns from the beginning when she came into the program. At first, she didn't care, as she was only in it for the money. But after time and the progress you made, she couldn't take her eyes off you. One of the other doctors shot her when she opened her mouth too wide,

"Get a new nanny! The child needs a breast that will nurse it!" There were countless women who could be conceived for this. So a little later, there was another donor woman standing in front of you.

The mastermind of it all, took you out of the tank and looked at you in full view.

"Welcome to the world, number seven."

The first few years of your life went normally, if you wanted to call it that. You had felt like a miracle..Everyone looked up to you, did what you wanted, played with you what you wanted..just everything..Until one day everything changed. You were four when you started thinking for yourself. To talk properly and to run. From then on, you were a lab rat. A guinea pig. They treated you like dirt, every time you did something wrong, didn't listen, didn't follow orders, they punished you. At first, they dragged you back to your room, because it was impossible to do further tests in your condition. They needed you alive, not beaten half to death.

When you had recovered to some extent, they continued. At first, you begged them to stop, but in time you learned that it was useless, and finally you let them do it to you.

At the age of nine, you learned that you were not the only one and your name suddenly made sense. There were seven of you in the beginning. Most of them were older than you, but you were far superior. After all, they had seven tries.

Alexandra, the brains behind the whole thing, played it smart. She acted as if she was the one you could rely on and others were the culprits. Instead, she was the monster. She gave the orders.

She was also the one who was there when you needed someone to talk to, to cry on a shoulder...you thought she was listening to you, but she was just taking your weaknesses and working with them. She gave you a suppressed sense of family, and at one point you felt like seven.

At an age of eleven, the harder stuff started. You were in one of the training rooms as usual, thinking that it was business as usual with Strucker's people. You all hated him. He was the bad guy here in your children's eyes and no one else. He stood there as usual and gave the hand signal. There were four people rushing at you, and it only took a few seconds, and they were on the ground. A legacy of years of training and most importantly what is instilled in you, since you were planted in the incubator.

"She's ready." You knew the voice. Alexandra came out of nowhere and stood right next to him. You didn't know what was going on, and suddenly three doors opened around you. Out of them came number one, six, and four. You all looked at each other in confusion. Since when are you allowed to fight together? Everything here was always set up for single combat, so what was going on?

Alexandra took a step forward, "I just want to see one of you on the mat here in front of me. That one is also just permitted to walk out of here alive." You looked at her in shock, You're supposed to fight each other? Absolutely not.

"B-But Ms. Alexandra, we-" Number one, the oldest of you, probably wanted to say what each of you was thinking. But Alexandra just held up her hand. A sign to be quiet. "No re-word. Now get going before I have to say goodbye to all of you." And suddenly 13 men with guns came in and surrounded the mat. They pointed their guns at you and waited for something.

"Come on. I'm counting on you." The four of you didn't know it. But each one of you felt directly addressed. Alexandra made this sure over the years that each of you thought he or she was the most important thing to her. But you are all equally indifferent.

Number six attacked first and that gave a short term reaction. The rest of you defended yourselves, but one more person got scared and attacked another one in the meantime. And it wasn't long before every single one of you was now fighting for your lives. Number four was on the floor first and number six was on top of her. But she hesitated, "What are you doing? Kill her." Number six looked over at Alexandra, "I-I can't..." And two shots rang out. Number six and four now lay shot in front of you.

Number one, and you looked at each other, and you knew what that meant. Only one can get out of here. It was a long fight and you finally admit defeat. You couldn't take it anymore. After all, your opponent was eight years older than you. He had more experience and more strength than you. You lie on the floor and see him coming towards you. He had a gun in his hand, and you didn't even know when he picked it up. You close your eyes and get ready. No matter what is to come. It will be better than life here.

But suddenly number one cried out and let his guard down. You didn't know why, but your body took that chance and knocked him over. Now you were the one on top of him. You took the gun and held it to his head. I won...Ha I did it-

"Finish it."

You breathed hard. Your hand started shaking and you couldn't pull the trigger. You see in the corner of your eye Alexandra coming towards you. She took the gun from your hand and you sighed out. But then you heard a gunshot and saw the life drain out of number one. You were in shock, but still jumped up when Alexandra looked back at you.

She killed them all!? What if she is the danger? She approached you, and you took a step back again, "Stop right there." You shook your head, "Number Seven, stop right there!" It was like a button press, and you're stopped in your tracks. You wanted to walk, to run, but you couldn't.

"If you don't fit this role here.. You're useless to us...and to me." She wiped away a tear from your face that rolled down. "So. Why did you hesitate?" You had never heard that pitch of voice from her before, "I-I couldn't..." She continued to look at you, "And why not?" You wanted to run from her, but why couldn't you??? "There's no point in resisting, so..I'll ask one last time....Why did you hesitate?" You knew you couldn't get away from it. And Strucker was in the room too. Now, or in a few hours, you'll blurt out the answer anyway, "I...We..-were friends..." You look down, too afraid of Strucker's reaction and action. But he did nothing. You hear Alexandra sighs and leave.

"Take her to the room." You looked up. The room..This was the biggest punishment you could have had. But why is the order coming from her? This is Strucker's command territory! You scream after Alexandra, that it was a mistake and will never happen again. But men were already holding you and dragging you down the corridor.

From that point on, you were just a machine. They could remove all your emotions and feelings from you. Well...almost all of them. When you understood that Alexandra was behind all this, you could see through her a bit. You told her only what she wanted to hear. But it did not end the numerous pains she caused you. You were again in one of the cells because you couldn't carry out an order, and Alexandra came in and wanted to know why. You wanted to laugh about it. How is a person with such injuries supposed to give the best?

"You are a weapon, do you understand that? If you don't deliver, you're useless. I didn't wait years for you for nothing, only to be disappointed in the end!" She turns her back on you and is about to leave the room when you mutter to yourself,

"I...h-hate you..."

She stopped and turns around, "What did you just say?" You were so angry. What worse could happen? "I hate you! You're a monster!" She continues to look at you sideways until she left. "You'll regret this."

Hours passed, days passed, and after the actual two days, in that you should have been let out long ago, the lights turned off and no one came. Another three days, and you were still in there. No food, no drink. No one to talk to. You were going insane. Without a hint of light, you didn't even know what day it was. After exactly thirteen days, you started begging to be let out of here. You don't want to be alone anymore. You want Alexandra back. However, she made you beg for another two days and eventually a crack of light came into your cell as she opened the door and walked in. She knelt in front of the bars, "Have you learned your lesson number seven?" You're immediately starting crying, "I..I-I'm sorry! Please..Please I need you, I don’t-" Alexandra started to grin. There it is. She broke you completely.

Your other three fellow riders had respect and fear for you. The favorite child of Alexandra and Strucker. They couldn't do anything against you. And at some point, number three died at your hands. It wasn't your first kill by far, but the first on a person you grew up with. Her eyes just before you pulled the trigger will haunt your dreams forever.

You came back from multiple missions with maximum casualties. You were exactly what HYDRA always wanted. A weapon that brought success every time.

There were rules for you. If you failed to follow some, you were punished. When you carried out every order they gave you, you were rewarded. There hasn't been a single punishment since then, and you tried to keep it that way. They treated you with respect as long as you followed the rules. You saw no way out. This will now be your life forever. You arbitrarily became HYDRA's puppet.

HYDRA.

HYDRA...

Your home...

Your family...

Your life...

They had managed to make you play by their rules. According to their ideas, to kill, to destroy...just everything. For the others, it was physically and mentally too much. Number two and five took their own lives a little later to get some freedom.

Also, something you thought about several times. However, HYDRA couldn't afford to let one of their most perfect experiments go just like that, and kept stopping you.

Years passed, and you found yourself back in the meeting room. Alexandra in front of you gave you your assignment, told you some more details and finally gave you the equipment you needed. It was funny..In front of you are all kinds and designs of different weapons.

How beautiful she would look with a bullet in her head...

You were now 18 years old and could think for yourself again. Till that one day, you lay in your bed at night, and you could laugh that Alexandra usually never managed to leave you cold forever. Well, it wasn't entirely thanks to you that you got your will back.

You had a mission in Soul 14 months ago. You were supposed to take out an engineer. Everything was going according to plan until you walk into a room and several soldiers are pointing guns at you. You looked around and got ready to fight. But before you could get started, they were all shooting bullets that had a stun serum in them. It took 26 bullets for you to fall to the ground unconscious.

When you came back to, you were in some kind of interrogation room. You were again in a kind of box that was made of glass. You hit the glass, but were only thrown back. You get up, confused, and a man walks in. "Always fun to watch."

He had a deep, raspy voice. He stands right in front of you, "Nick..Fury. We already know your name..Haven't held back the last few years." Who was this guy? And what did he want from you, "I know you. And you might know us. You're with SHIELD."

When he said the name, a huge wave of anger brushed inside you. You looked at him with a killer look, but it left him cold. "I know what you're thinking. After all, they've talked you into it for years, but HYDRA is the real enemy here."

"LIE!" You pounded on the glass. SHIELD is your enemy. The enemy of Alexandra. You were created to wipe out SHIELD. Fury knew what was coming out of you. After all, he had been through something similar with someone else. He pressed a button and a screen went down. A little later, you were shown pictures, "Does this look familiar?"

It was some kind of tank with some kind of liquid in it and several cables attached to it, "No? Well, that's your birthplace. Do you know how normal children are brought into the world? Through mothers."

You had a mother. So what is this guy babbling about?! Before you could start, the picture changed, "Did you know there wasn't just you guys? Number seven, right? That's what they call you? Well, I'm sorry to say that, but there has been a Seven before. Only that was several centuries ago."

That can't be. A hundred years?

"There was a generation created back in 1989. You're not the only one. You're just an enhanced version. How does it feel to be treated as an object?"

He's telling lies..just lies!

"This..should look familiar to you." Suddenly there were pictures of you on the screen. You were seen at the age of six, then at 13 and one at 15. It wasn't pretty to watch when you saw the situation you were in.

"Wh-Where did you get that?!" If it weren't for that glass between you, Fury would be in little pieces by now. "Jack. You might know him." Your eyes widen. He was one of Strucker's henchmen. He was one of them? That could explain his resignation...

"He was a good guy, you know. You knew him too, didn't you?" He was the only one who treated you normally. Looked the other way when men beat you to death again... "He helped us make this plan here. To get you here... I don't want to beat around the bush anymore. I'll make you an offer. Help us destroy the work of Alexandra! Together we can prevent that again children like you have to live through such tortures."

It sounded too good to be true. Is it a test? Is Alexandra behind it to test your loyalty? You didn't know..Fury left the room and let the images continue to play. You saw again pictures of fetuses in those tank’s, Information about HYDRA, about SHIELD. After a few hours, Fury came back with a tablet with food on it for you. You asked him things, and he was happy to give you the answers. You continue to listen to him about his plans and finally decide to give it a try. If you are wrong it is so, but you could not hide that at that moment you felt in small sparks of hope.

You came back to HYDRA and started your own research. Fury gave you time to think about it. And you found out that he was telling the truth. You came back to him and accepted his offer. Which now led you back to the meeting room. In front of you now stood Alexandra.

You had to pull yourself together not to pull out your gun and shoot her in the head right away. She gave you the info about the mission and as you were about to go, she stopped you,

"The rules?" One last time... "Kill anyone who gets in our way, No witnesses, No victims of our sides, Only speak when demanded, No-"

"Dismissed."

You nod and make your way to the squad cars. It seemed to be a bigger act as another 25 men were sent along. We each split up into the vehicles and headed out. You drove for a while until you were given the command in your ear, and you drew your weapon and shot everyone in the vehicle. You break through the grate that separated you and the driver and take him out as well. The vehicle comes to a stop, and you wait as instructed for the others to open the doors. When you did, Fury stood in front of you and looked at the bloodbath you had made. "Well..we need to work on that..."

You emptied the vehicle and instead of HYDRA soldiers, there were now soldiers from SHIELD sitting inside. You were about to get back in as well when Fury stopped you. "You stay here." That doesn't suit you at all. You're supposed to give this man the trust to stop Alexandra? Forget it."

"You'll never-"

"Never say never. You stay here." He looks at you and you accept it. You watched the captured vehicles drive off and back to the base. You are now in a built up camp of SHIELD and you couldn't stay calm. Sure, you gave the information about the construction of the laboratory, nevertheless you are damn nervous that Fury will not succeed. A woman came up to you, "Hey, it's going to be okay, okay? This isn't Fury's first assignment." You look at the woman, "I'm Maria..." You shake your head, "You don't know what it looks like there..you...What if Alexandra already knows..she knows everything, you..you." You start breathing uncontrollably. Maria caught on to this and made you sit down. She sits down on the floor with you and looked at you, "Hey, can I touch you?" She knows what you've been through and doesn't want to cross anything. But when you didn't respond, and it got worse, she had to. She took your hands and put them in hers, "Hey..Take it easy..Hey.." She didn't know how to address you though..and it got worse, "Seven, please calm down.." You shake your head, "I- I can't..My- help.."

"It's okay, try to come down. Take deep breaths." She looked at you gently and took a deep breath so you could follow suit, "Follow me, okay? In..and out. Focus on me."

You do what she said and it helped. "Yes..Just like that.." You both breathe the same, and you close your eyes to focus more on Maria's voice. Man, is she good at this. You see her smile as she realizes you're improving. "Are you okay again?" You realize what kind of situation you're in. You stand up and pat the dirt off your legs, "Yeah..Um.." She knew what you were going to say, but she understood that you weren't saying it. You both now stood there looking ahead and 23 minutes later, you both could see the vehicles on the horizon again. Everyone got ready and when the vehicles were in front of you, Fury got out and came up to you.

"What happened, did you-" you literally gushed over him, stopping, but when you saw Alexandra out of the car, arrested. Any words stuck in your throat. Behind her came more men, but nowhere did you see Strucker... "He got away, but don't worry, we'll find him." You honestly didn't care about him. Only she. She looked deep into your eyes as she walks past you, and you looked down. If she ever gets free..Then it's- "She'll rot for eternity, I promise you."

That was all two years ago. Nick kept his promise until now. She's in the deepest hole on earth, and you haven't even seen her since, and you're grateful for that, too. It took time for you to settle into SHIELD normally. Maria made this her mission. She was your first point of contact after Fury. The three of you got along so well that it made it easier for you. One evening the three of you were in Fury's office to discuss future plans. That's when you realized you needed a new name. Its easier for everyone involved and especially for you. The three of you thought about it for a long time, and Maria looked at you, and came up with your name.

For your 19th birthday, they gave you your very first SHIELD mission. They had tried to train you for something..combat less, but they couldn't overcome Alexandra's brainwashing since your fetus state. You were made to kill, after all. Also, a complicated thing..

They ran some tests with your permission. You had a 99% hit rate. Fighting arts like in the books. Even with your eyes closed, you could take out your opponents. And it's your nature to fight. So SHIELD had no choice but to send you on missions. It was a Winn Winn situation. At first, it was hard to drop your rules, so Maria gave you new ones.

No sacrifices on our part, no killing, and if we did, it was with Fury's permission. You remember sitting in front of her and taking out a piece of paper to write them down. You looked at her in surprise when after two she had already finished. It also took time, but you were able to replace them.

You also got your hit rate under control to some extent. You got two guns with a regulator. It is automatically set to stun and when Fury gives you the command, you can switch it to kill at any time.

You used the word "thank you" for the first time in your life. Something you learned in one of the movies. Maria grinned with a wide face, and Fury just nodded and left. But he, too, had to grin. Those two became a family to you that you never had.

And now one of them is supposed to be dead? After all that Fury did for you? You couldn't even tell him.

"Y/n!"

You look up tiredly and realize you were lost in your thoughts. Steve and Natasha were standing in front of you, "We have to go!" Natasha left, and you didn't know what was going on. "Come on." Steve walked beside you and explained what happened.

13 hours later.

Being on the run wasn't the hard part, but rather showing Steve how the whole thing works. If it weren't for you and Natasha, he probably would have been taken into custody in the first 10 minutes.

They both couldn't do much with you during that time. You were quiet, only reacted when it got serious, and stayed out of the entire thing. Nick's death hit you hard, and you still have thought processes that made you despair.

You were in a car with a guy Steve was interrogating, when suddenly the window is smashed and the guy is pulled out onto the open road. You hear footsteps on the roof and take cover, because a little later you are shot at. Steve applied the brakes and the attacker fell forward.

As if your day couldn't get any worse, the Winter Soldier was now standing in front of you. The one who was shown to you as fear and taken as a parable example of what would happen to you then if you disobeyed.

You had only focus on him and had not even noticed that Steve took you out of the vehicle and on the road. The three of you saw how one of the men gave the soldier a grenade launcher in his hand and then he shot one. One came straight at Steve and Natasha. Steve pushed Natasha away, and he flew across the divide.

The other men who got out of one of the vehicles also started shooting at you, and you take cover. Great, now it's just the two of you again, this is going to work out great..You both separate and go behind different vehicles to get cover. However, since Natasha was the only one who could fire back, you had to think about a plan, but Natasha already had one and drew fire. She changed lanes, and you saw the Winter Soldier aiming and firing the grenade launcher at her and she flew also from the road. You hoped deep inside that she was alright, and when you saw the soldier exchange the grenade launcher for a machine gun, it was your chance.

You had only a few seconds and sprinted towards the one who now had the launcher in his hand. You threw him to the ground, took the launcher from him and at that moment you saw the soldier go to the edge and shoot down. You knew it could only be Natasha. You run towards him, reload the gun, shoot at the ground in front of the rest of the men, and you knew that the shock wave of the grenade is enough to bring all of them to the ground. The grenade explodes and the remaining three men are down.

The soldier, in turn dodges, and you knew he would. You drop the gun and run right into the soldier. You throw yourself and him over the divide down on the other street. The impact is quicker than expected, and you accidentally let go of him. You slide a few more feet until you came to a stop and check on the soldier. You had to pull yourself together, because the impact was harder than you thought, and when you got yourself back into shape, you see Natasha going into the attack.

She was good, you have to admit, but the soldier threw her away and she crashed into a car. He took a gun that was on the ground, and you run over again and just before he could shoot, you kick his gun away. He quickly caught himself and stepped back. You dodge, but he hit you in the chest afterward. You are pushed backwards and get up..His fighting skill has not changed, so you were one step ahead. You run up to him and see him pull out a knife. It went on for several minutes of you dodging each other's fists until you were able to give him a sidekick. He stumbled and you kick him in the stomach. He flew away and you go over into the attack again. He dodged and grabbed you by the neck with his metal arm. He lifted you up and threw you backwards for countless meters. You bounce into a car and stay seated, "Fuck..You didn't have the strength...last time..." You tried to get up, but he must have hit something inside you, and you fall back to the ground. You look where the soldier is and see Steve taking care of him. Finally...

He definitely had the easier job of the two of you, as the fight was over after a few minutes. Steve was able to remove his mask and when he got up, Steve froze for some reason.

The soldier tried to go back into the attack but was thrown away when Natasha hit him with the grenade launcher. You'll looked to see where he was, but instead of seeing him, you saw several SHIELD vehicles coming at you. You were all too done to fight back, so hundreds of SHIELD agents took you into custody.

The ride was silent. Steve muttered stuff to himself about a Bucky you only knew as Strucker's toy.

So.. Strucker was back. The winter soldier was back. What is-

You were pulled from your thoughts when you noticed Natasha next to you, continuing to struggle with consciousness. You look at her and only now realize that she had been hit, "We need a medic here! If we don't apply a tourniquet, she's going to bleed to death right here in the ca-" Before you could finish, one of the guards held a stick in front of your face, which began to charge with electricity. But the guard turned it and shocked the other guard who was sitting inside. Then the person took off the helmet and it was Maria. Your mood went up again, and she helped you get out of the vehicle. She got into another car and drove you to an unknown location.

People came running right up to you, "Gunshot wound, she lost a pint of blood-"

You knew better, "Maybe more!" You held her shoulder and notice more and more blood flowing out. A man came running toward you, "I'll take her!"

Maria stopped the man, "They want to see him first." You both looked at her confused, and she took you to a room. You enter it and your heart stopped for the second time.

In front of you was Nick. And definitely not dead. He looked up at you and smirked. You were sat down and Natasha was taken care of. He listed everything that happened to him and even joked about it, "Your heart stopped beating, they cut you open..." Natasha asked the question that was also on your mind. "..We alienated it for the purpose." You couldn't listen to it anymore and you leave the room. You go out for some fresh air and had to keep your anger under control.

This is the second time now that Fury had lied to you. How can you trust him now?! And when you thought of the devil, Maria came to you, "I know how you feel-"

"You don't! The man I trusted with my life has deceived me for the second time now!" Maria didn't know about the other one until she understood that the second "lie" was one she made up to keep you from Strucker's death... "Listen. We wanted to get you involved, but we had to make it look believable. Plus, if you had just left with us, it would have been too dangerous..." This was no lie for once.

"Don't you trust me? Is it because I'm not one of yours? I can keep my mouth shut!" Your words hurt her. She doesn't like it when you think of yourself that way, "Hey, you're angry, I can understand that, but none of this has anything to do with where you're from, understand? Don't even think about mentioning something like that again!" Now she was angry too..But not at you, but at herself. However, you didn't know that, and her tone..startled you. You've never seen her so serious before and before the rudder goes completely off the rails, you do what you've learned to do in the last few years, "Okay..I-I'm sorry..." iu. That sounded strange.

Maria appreciated the apology, she loosened her gaze and came towards you, "Hey..You did a great job out there..Otherwise you wouldn't be here right now. We need you here, and we all do. Fury is counting on you in there because he knows you can do it, so let's go back in there now and save the people, okay?" Maria was desperate, but thought it might do some good. You nodded, "Alright..I'll be right there." Maria smiled and went back to the others. You look around again, take a deep breath and rejoin them as well.

You're right on time. You discuss the plan to disable the carriers and get ready. However...As the devil would have it, you'll have to work with Natasha again. The two of you are supposed to attack directly from the inside, so Fury gave you a technique that "reshaped" you into any person you scanned before. Natasha had a plan to infiltrate directly as council members, however it only had one female person inside. Thus, one of you had to play the agent. Your choice was unanimous for the first, time and a little later Natasha was in Pierce's office, and you were outside his door, standing guard. A few minutes passed before Steve's voice could be heard everywhere.

"Agents of SHIELD, this is Steve Rogers, you've heard a lot about me in the last few days,"

Does he write it down beforehand, or does he just throw something like that out on the fly? He gave an entire speech, and you see some agents looking at each other and some even leaving the hallway. They know the brain is in here, so that definitely means trouble.

And the trouble came.. The Strike Team arrived and you nod innocently and let them in. But after a few minutes you hear the distress signal in your ear, and you drop the mask and enter the room. You see Pierce holding a gun to the head of one of the members and Natasha taking the gun from him. You took that as a sign and took out the other three guards. Natasha took the gun and now held it on Pierce, "I'm sorry," She now took off her mask as well, "Did I stepped on your moment?"

You look at her. And you- wow. That was..-What? You shake the thoughts away and see Natasha walking towards you with her gun drawn. "Take it." Not again...

You look at her, "Natasha, I can't-" she looks at you seriously, "Whatever problem you have, just put it aside for a few minutes! You can't kill? okay! Then don't pull the trigger, and now take the damn gun." She's right. You don't need to pull the trigger..you can do this..you nod and take the gun from her. She sighs and walks over to a keyboard, meanwhile she had to think. Why can't you hold a real gun? Don't you want to kill? Can't you? But then why are you at SHIELD? Every recruit, right at the beginning, signs that there won't be any physical problems once you're made to carry out a death order. She just doesn't get it.

She starts typing and looks for the encryption, "What are you doing?" One of the members got curious, "She puts all the secrets on the internet." Pierce took a few steps forward and you panicked. Do you have to shoot?! It's against the rule, you can't. Natasha caught your trembling hand, "Everything Hydra has done in the past few years, and stop now!" He did as she said and grinned, "And from SHIELD. When you do that, your past becomes known. Budapest, Osaka..the children's home.” Natasha stopped typing. children home? she was in one? Natasha looked at Pierce and back at the screen, "Are you okay with the world knowing who you really are?"

She looks up at him and smirked, "Are you?" She kept typing. Apparently she found what she wanted. However, this required two people from the management level to deactivate it. Pierce proudly made this clear. But when Natasha said someone else was coming, the door opened and Nick walked inside. Pierce had the same look as Nick did when he saw you with a loaded gun. You were about to clarify when Pierce interrupted you. He wanted to make his innocence clear, but that was no use. The two unlocked the files and Natasha drew a gun again, and you were finally able to drop yours.

"Done." Natasha looked at her phone, "And it's spreading." Before you could even feel victory, some council members cried out, and you see a hole burned in their breasts. Those badges they wore that were- "If you don't want a hole in your chest, put your gun down. It's been armed since you lit it.”

Natasha was forced to drop the gun. "If only one of you moves, she gets grilled." How you hate moments like that.. Pierce walks over to the computers and asked for status, "Connecting in 65 seconds, targeting in progress."

He was still typing some things on the computer, and suddenly you hear shots. You thought they were the ones placed on the targets, but you followed Pierce's gaze and looked up as well. All three carriers shoot at themselves and gradually destroy each other. Steve did it..

"What a waste."

Natasha couldn't resist and had to crack one of her jokes again, which Pierce didn't exactly leave unmoved, "Come on my love. You're flying me out of here.” He held the button in front of her. and Natasha was again forced to follow him. You and Fury looked at each other, "There were times I would have taken a bullet for you." Nick looked at you and as he said the word "bullet"he looked down at the gun you dropped earlier. You pick the gun up and hold her behind your back. You understood what he wanted. The two of you stood a little apart, and with the line from earlier, Pierce looked at Fury, "You already-"

"Y/n, permission granted." Pierce didn't know what that meant, but you did. It clicked and suddenly three shots were fired. All three flew straight into Pierce's chest. He fell to the ground and died instantly. Natasha looked at you, wondering where your fear from earlier has gone. You continue to stare at Pierce, gun drawn, now lying in his own blood. The feeling was-

"Y/n." Fury slowly came up to you and put one hand on the gun and pushed it down with a little force and finally took it off, "Y/n!" He said your name with more seriousness this time, until you break the trance and look at him and then back at the man you killed, "Nothing's going to happen. Let's go home, okay?” You just nod and repeat his “Okay” Natasha just stood there and watched you both. It was like you had completely changed person. Your stance, your eyes, the straightness with which you held the weapon was nothing compared to before.

The three of you board the helicopter together and fly to SHIELD's second base. It definitely needs a rebuild, and Nick revealed that Tony has agreed to wind down the people and find out who else is in HYDRA. You were in your room for two days, back in the tower, going through everything that had happened in the past few days. But after everything was clarified, you could go out again with a clear conscience. Tony and the others also want to know what happened, since SHIELD grounded them in the Tower when it all started. So you spent hours together again.

Natasha was in her own room most of the time preparing for the panel interview. You, too, read the published stuff about her and felt bad. Yet you were still confused..You both went through almost the same thing, so why doesn't she want to talk to you? Is that why? In any case, you will not force her to like you now. If she hates you, so be it. However, you couldn't reply that her announcement in the panel impressed you.. If you were just friends, everything would be much easier..

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[thatpodcastkid]

Magnus Archives Relisten 6, MAG 6 Squirm

Sorry this is late, but hey, Worm Sex Guy! You hate to see it.

Facts: Statement of Timothy Hodge, regarding his sexual encounter with Harriet Lee and her subsequent death. Statement given December 9, 2014.

Statement Notes: Really one of the most destroyed characters in the series. Man works from home, pretty isolated, gets a few days off. Decides to go to a club and hook up with a cute girl. Immediately contracts demon STD and has to burn his house down. Absolutely crushing loss for the weirdo community.

Substances are brought up again in this episode. Hodge states that he does drink and use drugs, but wasn't drunk that night. This was particularly note-worthy in this episode because, while Jon usually cites someone's substance use as a reason to dismiss their statement, he believes Hodge encountered one of Prentiss' victims even though he admits to drinking that night. This proves that Jon was just looking for excuses to dismiss statements, not actually doubting the existence of the supernatural.

"Writhe."

That verb, "writhe." That encompasses so much of the fear in this episode, so much of Jane Prentiss. That's what's always scared me about the worms: the way the crawl, and dig, and writhe. Jonny is such an incredible writer because he puts that image in your head well before you can even fathom Prentiss as a long-term threat. He makes you afraid before you know what to be afraid of.

Another motif that comes up in this episode is the sense of false security. When Lee enters Hodge's apartment, she calms down. Even though she doesn't have a real reason to, she thinks she's safer there. I think this is a really realistic element that Jonny Sims uses often. Real people know they're more likely to be killed by a friend than a stranger, that you're not safer just because the light's on, that the blanket doesn't do anything, but we let these things make us feel safe and secure anyway. It makes sense that a horror character would do the same thing.

Lee mentions that when she woke up after being "mugged" by Prentiss, there was no wound where she was "stabbed." Assuming this is where the worm pierced her, this means that they can burrow into people without scarring them. But they still scar Prentiss herself, as well as Tim and Jon. Is it because Prentiss has repeat exposure? Is it part of her identity as an Avatar? Were Jon and Tim scarred as a means to make them more afraid or just to cause them more pain? Was it because the worms were less developed? Could it have been part of the ritual?

Entity Alignment: Hmm. Hmm I wonder what entity this could be connected to. Such a difficult choice. Hmm.

In all seriousness, I love this episode as an introduction to the Rot. It not only sets up the rest of the season but also how Prentiss functions. Once again, you don't understand why you should be afraid yet, but you know you should be.

Shout out to the Desolation for Hodge burning down his house. Very interesting that most of the Fears can be destroyed through the Desolation. Although I'm sure their ritual was flawed, I do think they were second most likely to succeed, right after the Eye obviously.

Speaking of the Eye, Sims really effectively foreshadows the crux of things through the paranoia motif. While they're in the club, Hodge says that Harriett kept checking the doors and looking at the exits, and she kept nervously glancing around as they walked home. She knows something is coming for her, she knows she should be afraid. The knowledge of what is going to happen is what makes it all the worse. This is why I think it always had to be the Eye who would end the world; people need some level of awareness to be truly afraid of something. Even the horrifying lack of awareness that comes from the Stranger or the Spiral becomes simple confusion without a moment or two of clarity. The Eye makes everyone in the apocalypse keenly aware of what is attacking them, what will happen to them, and that is why they're all so deeply afraid.

Character Notes: Jon explicitly states that he knows Prentiss is an issue. He acknowledges that she has consistently attacked people and caused harm through supernatural means. Yet he still attempts to deny other statements. The fact that he keeps up this facade for so long really shows how it isn't just denial or pretending, but a defense mechanism. If he doesn't look to hard at things, they can't hurt him. But because he was Eye-aligned from the start, he has to keep looking at things. He can't help himself.

(He also established that Prentiss' worms are canonically an STD, do with this what you will)

Sasha's really collected evidence in these last couple of episodes. So much really could have been solved if they had her skills in later seasons. That's probably why the Stranger targeted her. I miss her.

[bramble-mouse]

Just Desserts

Bramble finds you in the woods getting attacked by bandits and takes some extreme measures to make sure they learn their lesson.

CW: Fatal vore (you are the observer and Bramble is kind to you), strong language, blood, threats of ambiguous violence

A/N: I had this concept ripping around in my mind like a feral lil gremlin for the past week. Please enjoy!

Your blood curdling scream has a hope attached amidst the fear: to summon help.

"Shut the fuck up!"

The roadside bandit growls while his other two compatriots paw through your camp for valuables. Tears prickle at the corners of your eyes. You feel the cruel, cold edge of a sword at your throat, poised to strike if you scream like that again.

One of the other bandits, a thick framed oaf finds a leather bound book. He opens it, flips through the pages and bursts out laughing.

"Oi, Gerwin, Look at this garbage!"

He snickers and shows the rail thin bandit currently rooting through your cooking gear.

"Focus, Marlow."

Gerwin counters shortly.

"Faster we deal with this, faster we get outta dodge."

Marlow keeps flipping through your sketchbook, snickering and making snide remarks about your work. You might as well be in physical pain from how much the sight torments you. There is a stranger staring at your most intimate thoughts in the form of drawings- and he's laughing at them. At you. Your eyes well with tears, your lip quivering.

The bandit with his sword at your throat (Draven, as his gang call him) smirks alongside Marlow. He presses the sharp blade against your neck and shifts it. You wince and feel a bit of blood welling up, poised to trickle down your neck.

"Oops. I'm so careless."

Draven grins.

And then, the ground begins to shake.

It begins far away, distant as thunder, but as it draws closer, all eyes turn towards the edge of the clearing where it turns back to dense, unimpeachable forest. Your back is to where these men look, but once the ground shakes enough for Draven to pull his sword away from your neck to not risk offing a captive, you know there is something there. A massive shadow casts over the clearing. You smell fresh rain and cedar, feel the weight of something big staring down at you.

"So, fun fact."

A great voice rumbles. You spy fear on all three bandit's faces

"Giants have a great sense of smell and hearing. So...when you cut that person with you, I smelled it."

You flinch as a massive hand catches Marlow in its grip and pulls his shrieking bulk away.

"and I could hear you making fun of them too."

Gerwin makes to bolt but the other hand catches him and snatches him away.

"Let me tell you losers something."

The voice speaks coldly.

"I hate bullies."

You hear one of the bandits shriek, and soon after, a wet squelch. The screaming stops, cut off abruptly.

"I prefer to treat you little guys nicely. In fact, a lot of you are pretty great. But when I see this shit?"

"Fuck, please don't!"

Marlow wails. His screaming abruptly becomes muffled, and then you hear that awful squelch again.

"I don't feel like being nice."

Draven's eyes are wide as a saucers. Fear has frozen him in place, his sword clattering to the ground.

"So? Anything to say? Like maybe an apology to them maybe?"

The voice says in a tired annoyance one might find in an overtired teacher.

Draven takes a step back, quivering like he might wet himself.

"I-I'm sorry!"

He whimpers

"P-please don't eat me!"

You now understand what the squelching was. A low gurgle from behind you confirms the fate of the other two bandits.

The monster behind you ate them. And Draven is next.

The great voice laughs. You watch that same hand snatch him up kicking and screaming.

"Good boy."

You turn around in time to witness Draven's execution.

The creature in question is a giant with shaggy green hair, golden eyes and a feylike face that makes determining thier gender a confusing prospect. Thier jaw parts to reveal a curious green glow inside, along with sharp pearly whites. Draven is tossed inside, swished around a few times and swallowed whole. You watch the lump that is a thrashing human body slowly vanish into an unforgiving digestive tract.

The giant pats thier stomach through a layer of mossy green woolen sweater.

"Yeah, yeah. Squirm all you fuckers want. You earned this."

They snort.

"You lot are food now. That's all you fuckin' deserve."

Then, those hunter's eyes fix on you. The giant frowns and as they reach a hand out to you, you let out a cry and curl up into a ball. You'll be next, you're sure, doomed to die in roiling, bubbling acids next to the bandits that tormented you.

And yet the hand has not grabbed you. You chance a peek up at the giant and find a very different expression from what you expect: worry.

"Hey, little guy, it's okay."

They reassure

"I won't hurt you. I just want to check you over for wounds. I can smell blood."

As if on cue, thier stomach groans gleefully at the living meal inside it. The men inside are at the mercy of the acidic hell they are starting to be digested within.

"I'm Bramble. You're safe. l with me, I swear."

And yet for all the gentleness in thier voice, you sit up a little and let out a sob.

"B-but....you...you ate them."

You manage to get out.

"I...I don't...I don't want to...to die like that."

You are shaking, a mess.

Bramble curses under thier breath in a language you don't recognize.

"Fuck. I...I shouldn't done that in front of you."

They sigh and fidget with thier fingers in their lap.

"I'm sorry. That was probably terrifying to watch."

Bramble chews on thier lower lip. They tower over you even seated as they are.

" I just... couldn't let them get away with the shit they were doing. And I was worried they might try worse with you. So...I'm a dumbass and...ugh."

They hang thier head like a guilty dog.

"I'm really sorry. I uh...I can go."

"No!"

The word rockets out of your mouth before you can understand why. You aren't certain who is more surprised, you or the giant.

You stare at one another in silence a moment before Bramble smiles a little, an awkward but earnest expression.

"Sure. Yeah. Uh..."

They tuck a green lock of hair behind a pointed ear.

"How about I stick around since it's gonna get dark soon? I can watch over your camp, maybe let you get some rest."

Bramble proposes. When you find thier eyes again, you note heavy remorse and maybe even a bit of self loathing mixed in.

Maybe they are genuine. Maybe they really do want to help you.

You manage a nod and cup a hand over the shallow scratch Draven's sword made on your neck. It isn't gushing blood but it has stained the neckline of your shirt.

"...You...really won't eat me?"

You ask carefully.

"No."

Bramble blurts out

"I would never do that to you."

The giant leans forward and looms some, concern written clear upon their features.

"I mean it. I don't hurt people for no reason. You...you looked so scared."

Bramble reaches a hesitant finger forward. You tense but feel how gently thier finger tip strokes the side of your head.

"I wanted to help."

Something shifts. Perhaps it's that gentle touch. Maybe it's the realization that you feel relieved knowing your aggressors won't be able to hurt anyone else ever again. You lean into the finger, shivering from the shock of it all.

"Are you ok with me picking you up? I promise I'll go slow."

Bramble asks.

You nod and feel careful fingers gathering you up. The whole world shifts as they lay down and gently deposit you onto thier chest. You sink into the soft wool of thier sweater. You can hear thier active belly removing the bandits from existence, but there is also Bramble's soft, sonorous breathing beneath you. Strangely, the sound of thier stomach is oddly calming despite the knowledge of what is happening inside.

They rest thier hand atop your body, a welcome but strange weight. There is still fear you might be crushed or devoured- instincts that cowered before the predator holding you.

Instead, you take a leap. You trust.

"I meant it. I won't hurt you."

Bramble insists softly, thier voice rumbling through your frame. You feel so tired, the exhaustion created by so much fear and adrenaline crashing down on you. You decide to curl up atop the giant's chest while they digest the men who hurt you alive.

Bramble's fingertip swirls gently on your back. There is no fighting the heavy sleep that takes you, not even when you ponder what will happen come morning.

Maybe you have a friend now, one that truly wishes to protect. You dream of a heartbeat, of warmth and a kind, crooked smile.

[technovillain]

This is a lot of stuff. I’m sorry.

I have a big PN3 idea that I wanted to turn into a long comic series, actually. It’d have a new bad guy structure that takes the “diving for understanding in terrible people” thing a bit further. And also starting to tackle the influence of bigger societal influences on the behavior of individuals. A big chunk of the character development is Lili (now a teenager) having to learn hard adult realities about fighting the good fight as she tries to take on a bigger role in the Psychonauts. It’s not just about removing the one bad guy anymore. The Psychonauts as an institution is also under threat, so the stakes are huge and everyone’s kinda being pushed further toward the edge (but especially Lili and Raz, who see this as their home).

It’s also about contending with lasting traumas from PN 1 and 2. Ford and Lucy have passed away (or, astral projected out of their bodies forever on accident depending on who you ask), and the circumstances of it bring up a new layer of issues on both the PN and Aquato sides—also tying up some stuff there from PN 2 that I wanted to look at. Like Frazie’s temptation and reluctance to let herself be psychic or Bob’s relationship with Truman. Raz himself, also a teenager, is grappling with all that stuff he felt like he was too young to process before, plus stuff about growing up. Even though it was a terrible thing to do, Raz can now better understand why Ford did what he did and wonders if he honestly would have done any better. He’s realizing in his own actions that you sometimes can’t avoid making a choice with nasty consequences, reinforced by the villain. And that has stuff to do with his family too, re: parents and siblings trying to keep the pack safe and together with unhealthy force. Dogen’s also a main character, trying to get over the fear that he’s a disaster waiting to happen and seize his own agency in things to protect the place that has been helping him recover.

It all sounds very grim on paper, but I have a plan to get it to tie together and work out based on the theme of getting to the roots of the status quo and changing it rather than bending to it.

Also, there’d be new fun enemies like Anxiety (buzzardlike) and Guilt (leech/serpentlike), which look like cousins of Panic Attacks and Regrets. They start out as little worms and crows but evolve into death-rolling alligators and dive-bombing raptors as things escalate. And changing the kids’ skillsets to fit their experience—like Raz swinging from mental connections instead of hamsterballing bc he’s bigger. Dogen making someone picture sheep to knock them out. Lili combining plants and fire to great (or terrible) effect. Ziplining on the core thread of a bad mood to get to a deeper area. Tandem lev ball combat. Going into a mind multiple times over the story to see how it changes in the face of developments.

Saying it again: really really sorry this is so long. I do really love the idea of a PN3, as well as your ideas. I felt the urge to gush bc I’ve been holding this idea in for years while I work on it. Thanks for reading. :)

I don't really have much to add to this but that's only because I love how detailed this is.....makes me think abt just how good a timeskipped PN3 could be!!!!!!!!!

[creepymarshmallow3]

New friend)

Jess the playful clown)

This cute friend is very friendly and nice. He loves making new friends and playing with them. Also, he is very careful with new friends, and will always console and cheer. He's not dangerous at all.)

[restore original file]

" The show must go on! " incident

Jess - this trollge is based on coulrophobia (fear of clowns)

Jess or Jester, was a former clown actor named Richard. It was difficult for him to get a job, but he needed money. And soon, he found an advertisement for finding a man, for the role of a clown in a children's show, and the amount of earnings was quite tempting, and Richard could not refuse.

He was quickly accepted. He was a slender and strong guy, which was necessary for the image of a lively merry fellow. The clown he would play was called Jess or Jester, and his show "Jess the Playful Clown" is trite, but Richie didn't care.

At first, this job was difficult for Richard, because he was not a fun person and never played with children, but the boss, when it was difficult for Rich to do something, he said "the show must go on, Jess)" and it helped.

Richard had to almost always rehearse his character, because the show was very popular and often filmed, the rating should not have fallen. Richard himself eventually liked this role, and it was no longer a sad person who did not find himself in life, but a cheerful and playful clown who loves children and gives them joy.

Everything was going well, the guy was almost always thinking about the show all the time he was on the job, and how he would get back into his new clown persona in disguise. He smiled more often when out of work, and finally became happy.

On one of the days of work, he was preparing for the show. Smiling at the mirror in makeup and suit, he walked onto the set, but his smile quickly faded when he saw another guy in a different suit. Richard asked what does it mean?? The boss said that the clown Jess is no longer so popular, and replaces him, and since Richard got used to the role a lot, the boss took a new guy for a new role.

Richard just couldn't believe it. He is also the favorite of the public. He is also a favorite of children. He got used to the role so well, and now the show where he is the favorite of everyone will disappear? .. nope ..

Richard: The show must go on, boss!

Richie called out with a wide smile. The boss did not understand the reason for what was said and asked Richie to leave, but instead, Richie attacked the boss, starting to beat and bite him, laughing madly and shouting that same phrase endlessly. After hours of carnage, in the center of the site, a clown staggered, covered in blood, giggling softly, in a gloomy building.

Jess is an unpredictable and dangerous troll. Don't be fooled by his cute face, it's a scam! He only disguises himself, but once you are alone from everyone with him, he will show who he really is.

Jess has the ability to influence the minds of people, especially young people (children and teenagers), using his own show as hypnosis.

Children from 5 to 9 years old are easily hypnotized, and after watching the show, they are ready to submit to Jess without talking. Jess can either use children as well as against their own parents, or take them with him, turning them into little helper clowns:

These lil creatures are as dangerous as their owner, have sharp claws and teeth and are very dexterous and strong. One such baby, the size of a small dog, can lift a grown man and jump to the second floor of the house, but they are rather stupid and confused without Jess and his supervision, and they love him very much, like faithful puppies.

Teenagers suffer from nightmares with Jess, and his voices in their heads, from which they can go crazy and kill people who are objectionable to Jess, but they will not become his henchmen, since Jess loves kids and not older people.

Adults, on the other hand, do not notice him due to hypnosis, but Jess cannot influence them globally due to "stronger adult minds", as he says.

Jess's character is funny to the point of insanity, he almost always laughs, and is quite proud, saying that " There is only one star on the stage. It's me! Jester!)) And my show will never die! ", and is always looking for attention.

Jess is able to remove his head from his shoulders at will and without consequences, and is able to put his body in a middle box without harm to himself, and then jump out at someone like a clown from a box, and attack.

Able to change information about himself to deceive you, concerns: videos, photos and files of gadgets and computers.

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Sooo I finally got to read the Simon fic, and it was so good! You made me warm up to him more and understand him a little better. It was a nice way to save him too, I like that the protagonist isn't this perfect individual, they get jealous, a lil bit stalky, which quite honestly is very relatable and realistic. Couple questions:

Do you think there's a character that is beyond saving? Denham, Willy, Dave from Heavy (lol jk) Is there hope for everyone?

Do you plan on writing for characters that have died and if so, will you come up with a way to bring them back or have the story take place before the death or alternate universe?

Every time I get love for my fics with one of the lesser loved characters my heart grows three sizes and I want everyone to know this Q//w//Q This answer got long so I'm putting it behind a cut, I've never gotten to answer something like this before other than my Simon one from yesterday so this was a lot of fun to think about! 💗

Going into writing readers I honestly thought I'd just be writing me over and over, but as I do more of them I'm so glad that it's easy to fit someone different into whatever role the character needs them to be, which is so different from my usual stuff since I'm very used to fitting the plot around purely existing characters, or my own ocs, and getting to write up someone new who can mesh with these guys while also having that bit of me and what I hope are bits of the people who read them is so incredibly refreshing and a constant challenge I welcome 😊

I feel like some are beyond saving, but only because I have a horrible fear of getting attacked for wanting to find a way to save the unsaveable just because I'm into villains and think they're hot lmao

It's a challenge for sure, but I don't see myself being able to do any villain redemptions for Denham or Willy or even Realtor Dave since they're so surface level evil and love the hell outta it (even though my villain-lovin ass can probably still give them fully fledged proper backstories oop), unlike Simon or Kyle Slade or Logan Reeves, who all have short parts and did very bad things but also have peeks into how they got there, and I can always work with that.

I love doing deep dives and finding out how a character in the present got to where they are, figure out where they can go when they miss that One Event that made them a villain, and doing it with DD's roles has been so much fun since he loves playing rounded out characters and is always adding so much to them so they're not Just Evil, even if we get a few who're exactly that just for funsies hehe

This is why Gensan is such an interesting character to me despite The Big Flaw, because I see him get reduced to only that when there's a ton that made him that way. I'll never ship with him, the super rare character I don't since DD lures me in that easily, but I can't hate him either, and that's just the honest truth because he's so much more than Uh Oh Plot Twist because DD's such an amazing writer. This movie and Animals stuck with me the most after I watched them, I was just thinking about them for like a solid week afterwards, constantly turning over what I'd just seen in my mind whenever I stopped thinking of other things and putting those early pieces together so I could see why he reacted that way, or did what he did, and I'd love to try and watch it again soon and catch all the stuff I missed the first time.

And then there's Cam, who just really fuckin sucks lmao he's the absolute worst, 0 stars, kick to the balls, what an asshole 😂

As for characters who died, of course! Two of my biggest loves are Abner and Wojchek, and I'm also madly in love with Bob now as well, so they'll all have fully fledged fixits with my selfship sona Addy as I get back to all her plots, Abner first and foremost oh my god my heart I love him so much he needs to be alive and happy forever 😭

Outside of her, yes absolutely I'll find ways to save them for my readers, their canon endings will not stop me QwQ A lot of them don't deserve their ends with or without redemptions if they're a villain (looking at you Dwight you maniac I love you), and definitely not if they're good people who're just in the wrong place at the wrong time like Lonny or Lester or Coco now that I've finally watched BR2049. I'll probably mostly stick to saving them before their deaths rather than bringing them back or delving into aus (apart from the starting au of having the reader in their lives lol) since those kinda ideas can get away from me fast and start series, and I wanna save all the big series for my boys the Three River Phoenixes and all of Addy's plots~

This is where I'd love to get more requests, since I'm still mainly writing for who I love, so getting that random challenge to fix or save someone evil or who died before any real character of theirs was established would be hard but I know I'd have a lot of fun with them 😊💗

[katyspersonal]

FUCKING THANK YOU jesus christ i was literally just thinking the other day "if i see one more 'bloodborne is about womanhood uwu' take i'm gonna rip my fucking hair out." altho i personally took it more as a social/class commentary than a statement about playing god so to speak, but i do think there are elements of all three- it's just that saying "it's about violence against women" is extremely reductive and ignores like...half of the game (and so does saying it's just a criticism of religion imo, which is also a take i've seen)

POV: You hoped for the better than puddle-deep takes on such an interesting game:

fdshsgdfds Honestly, I did want to add that themes of mob mentality and corruption of elitists and power of any kind are also very prevalent in the post :^) You think good, and fuckin huntsmen screeching at us for being a beast when they are themselves halfway transforming into one over this hostility, Beast Patients shown covering in fear before raging Old Hunters, Djura's character whole point, Suspicious Beggar's whole point... yeah, all of this is a brilliant commentary on humanity. There were plenty of reasons for the nerds of the setting to deem human nature "beastly idiocy" and wish to transcend (if not discard) it, after all! Soulsborne games love rubbing salt in the wound about how you're losing no matter what and you just choose to what extent you want to struggle for your own dignity as no matter what humanity has is imminently going corrupt. And attempts to pull the rest of the society with you towards "the better way" just will never, ever, EVER end well, no matter how sympathetic your motivations are!

Bloodborne is about several things at least, and whichever you see as a focal point, it should be something to prompt debates and more observations! I talk very confidently about my understanding of the story sometimes, but this search is never really over- like you can see even more questions prompted right here, right in this reply! But unfortunately some people don't like to have a discussion, they only like being "right" and act petty and codescending. Because their self-esteem as fans is supported not by their passion, but by their delusion of "being the only one with media literacy in the trying times of poor stupid uneducated fandom that is yet to learn what harm they're causing on society by not seeing a masterpiece as one-dimensional in the worst way possible". The 'Bloodborne is about horrors of misogyny uwu' squad is the most vicious, though, because THESE guys' attitude goes onto territory of personal attacks and stirring up petty dramas, if not gatekeeping the source material from ""wrong"" type of demographics. In a way.. THEY are those half-beast huntsmen screeching at anyone who isn't from their circle. xD

All in all, it is a matter of both 'arguements towards reducing the story to something this simple don't work' and 'there are other themes that are much more prevalent' 🤔 Also please don't rip your hair out anon dfshfhd

[purpleyoonn]

I think its frustrating that people doesn't understand how hard it is to write under pressure. Its one thing to get compliments, and another to feel like a press machine? I hope people respect you more after reading this!! If they don't, I hope they have the sense to google some of the things you mentioned to see how they affect someone. I think knowing these things helps a lot for general compassion when we live in a world of empathy fatigue.

With that in mind, the fatigue behind disabilities is something (some) people don't seem to get? I have Narcleopsy type 2 so I struggle a lot with chronic tiredness. It's not easy to deal with!! Some days its a choice between if I'm going to make myself meals, or if I'm going to take care of myself. (To oversimplify it in a way to show my own struggle). I can't imagine your own situation, but I know how mine affects me.

I actually find you really inspirational because of this- not just your writing (cause its beautiful af and sooooo well thought out), but also because of how hard you work. The past 3 years I've hit a rut because my psychologist basically said I need to give up all hope of a normal life. That college, work, etc is not possible. That my life is just going to be some early onset of poverty-stricken retirement starting in my 20s. I really had no hope, only a lot of fear. But following your blog for the short time I have has uplifted me so much. Not just from your newest series you started (I have a serious fear of not having worth because of my own disabilties) but from everything you've said and written.

I think you're incredible. I'm terrified of my future, if I will ever live a normal life. You've helped me want to start looking for a new normal, and to fight for what I want. So please keep setting boundaries because you're amazing. You need to take care of yourself for you ❤️

I try to reign in my online interactions (I don't do very well, I comment too much and annoy some ppl I think djfjjf) because I tend to be misunderstood a lot. I hope my sincerity is clear. Because you really are fantastic, and it's not fair for people to push you 😣

you made me cry with your words and understanding😭

pressure is such a struggle to be under. like I sometimes wonder if I should take another break but I love writing and I love posting for you guys. there is a line between loving a story and just being curious to when im posting next and sending me ask after ask and messages wondering and pushing me to post the next chapter.

its hard for me even now going through the trial of getting my diagnosis (still going through it unfortunately) but my biggest diagnosis so far is pots. it is so hard for me to understand why my body does what it does and I even fainted for the first time today helping my grandma in the kitchen. my heart rate was in the 170's and I almost gave my grandma a heart attack. just standing up from the couch my heart rate skyrockets and I go into prescyncope (which means im about to faint but don't). fatigue is a real struggle every day and some days are better than others.

I also learned last week that people with pots have a quality of like likened to those on dialysis with kidney failure. that's hard to grasp and understand. a normal life is hard to imagine sometimes and feels impossible.

it truly is a choice between eating and taking care of yourself some days. sometimes its even hard to get out of bed.

im am so happy that ive been able to help uplift you and help you believe that normal is possible for you. I understand being terrified of your future and I completely get where those thoughts come from. I hope that the both of us get everything we want from life and our disabilities don't hold us back.

thank you so much for your ask and your kind and understanding words.

[curmoritor]

@tenkoseiensei asked: ' i don't know anything about magic, ' he begins, ' but i'm sure i could take at least a dozen wizards in a fight. ' nerds versus jocks! or something like that, right? no, seriously! ' with people like me, havin' a good teacher's just about as amazing as bein' good at somethin' yourself. so how the hell does it work for you guys? is it innate? some kinda power drawn from the heart bullshit? ' it'd be pretty embarrassing to hear that spell slinging was welled up deep within everyone, but even then, yan qing was sure he didn't need it. being dead and incomprehensible was enough. ' seems like y'could make just about anything happen. power struggles must get big, sometimes. '

❛ You are born with it. ❜ So, you suppose "innate" is correct in a way... but saying "you are born with it" feels wrong as well. Yet, you can't help but laugh at his question. Ahh... yes... magic is drawn from the heart, isn't it? Or rather... it's drawn from positive emotions for all others. Things like love or happiness are the strongest emotions to create magic, yet curiosity, excitement, wonder. Things like that work as well. It's a learning process, yet you are inherently broken. ❛ If you are not born a mage, you can never learn magic~ Humans have tried in every possible way. Swallowing mana stones, many magical weapons that run off of mana stones, or even praying to gods and pretending that gives them divine powers... ❜

Though, all of those times that someone claimed godly powers were false. They simply had a item that was enchanted by a mage of some sort. Perhaps it was cursed, perhaps it was blessed. You don't make it your business because it's boring. Humans are dreadfully boring unless you are tormenting them. They are weak, like wooden puppets that barely are hanging onto their pathetic strings. Still, you weren't expecting him to ask such a question and it lets you finally have a smile stretch across your face as you consider how to answer more and more.

❛ You make it sound as if it's something you despise. Is the heart hard for you to understand? ❜ Well, you aren't much different. ❛ A typical witch or wizard would use their heart to cast magic. Though, it's because emotions are the strongest medium you can have to have magic flow out of. That is why we love festivals, we love to sing, dance, and make merry... it makes our magic stronger when we are happy. ❜

You aren't very good at explaining this, Especially since this isn't even how your magic works. You aren't sure why it got all twisted and wrong for you, but everything is wrong with you. You are backwards, broken, wrong, worthless. You shouldn't even exist, you shouldn't be alive. Yet, at some point you weren't to live so badly that now you can't die.

❛ Though, That's just how normal wizards cast magic~ For some reason, I don't. I have to feed off of terror, fear, chaos~ That's how I gain my power. ❜ and you have done everything you can do to be strong and to be a factor in the power struggles that do exist.

❛ Power struggles... They are frequent- Rather, they are constant. Even know, I'm sure that idiot Mithra is trying to plan how to kill Oz again. ❜ You sigh. You know that he has no clue who either of them are, but he is asking so you are going to talk! ❛ Oz is the strongest Wizard alive~ And he does nothing with that power. All he does is brood away in solitude all day long. He's gloomy, creepy, and annoying. I hate him, but Mithra isn't much better. He's aggressive, violent and unpredictable. All he does is kill me because he knows I won't die. ❜ Even if you do exactly what he tells you to, he'll still kill you sometimes anyways because he's just in a bad mood! Or if he asks you for help he still attacks you sometimes because he reflexively gets defensive. You seriously can't stand him. Oz is hardly better though, because you can't die he'll torture you.

Ahhh, this is annoying you now.

❛ Northern wizards like myself are the strongest there are~ Raw power is all we need. Oz could split the whole world in two if he so felt like it, so I suppose some would thank him for being so passive. Even for someone 1000 years younger then I, if they were trained properly then they could easily wipe out a large city with ease. Wizards die all the time in the north~ It's a constant struggle simply to survive... You either submit to the most powerful, or hope you are crafty enough to survive and become powerful. ❜

[wardenred]

Sapphic September 6: Experiment

Flo and Jules again, a few more years back into the past from the previous snippet.

"Flo! Damn you, Florika, wait!"

Early in the evening, the crowd of people walking up and down the sidewalks resembled a river. A solid, relentless current that existed to get lost in. Jules squeezed between strangers, trying to keep her eyes on the back of Flo's black jacket with the red spray-painted Fuck Your Corps fading against the worn leather. More faded than Jules had realized, although she still felt uncomfortable about Flo wearing it about town. What if the police noticed? Or, worse, the heroes?

"Flo!"

She feared she would never catch up. But then there it was, a particularly busy intersection, and she just knew what Flo was going to do next: delve straight into the darkest, narrowest alleyway. So she took a gamble and did the same, and finally, finally.

"Stop running away from me," Jules demanded. To Flo's credit, she did stop walking when Jules grabbed her elbow. She didn't turn around, though, just stood there, staring straight ahead into the shadows. Jules let out an exasperated huff. "Seriously, what's your deal? You don't want to accept, fine, but you don't have to act like I attacked you or something!"

"Well, you as good as did," Flo snarled. Jules dropped her arm and staggered backward. She didn't expect this level of anger, but on second thought, she should have. She should have known this was the main reason Florika ever ran away: to protect those she loved from her own temper.

Jules wished she could make her understand she didn't need protecting.

"All right. Can you tell me how I did it?"

Flo drew in a noisy breath. "Isn't it obvious? Every time I try to make something out of myself, you decide it's too dangerous and look for new ways to wrap me up in cotton! You're just like Mel sometimes, always trying to tell me how to live."

"I don't think this is a fair comparison," Jules said. Moving carefully alongside a concrete wall, she squeezed deeper into the alley until she was standing in front of Florika. "I'm not trying to lure you into working for the Corps. I hate them as much as you do. All I'm offering is for you to move in with me, and yes, to consider taking a job with my father who is very much opposing the Corps too." She felt the opposite of safe talking about it out in the street, even with no one close enough to hear. Still safer than leaving these things unsaid. "But you don't have to. You can simply say no, and I'll still be here."

Flo snorted. "Yes, you will be, won't you? You'll keep worrying when I have to disappear because of my work. The work I chose for myself and love doing and it puts me in no one's debt, not that any of that matters. You'll keep trying to make me see how much easier things would be if I went along with what people expect. You'll keep bringing up powers—"

"I haven't brought up that subject in three months, Flo."

Florika stared resolutely past her. "And you'll keep rubbing it into my face, how I’m 'always picking the path of most resistance.' How there are better options that would make everyone worry less. Because obviously, I want to make you worry, right? I'm the bad guy here. There's no way I'm making my choices for me."

Jules shifted closer and grabbed Flo's hands in the dark. "This isn't anything I've ever said, is it? I'm sorry if that's what you hear. I'm not trying to take away your choices. I do worry, just like I know you worry for me when I do things you find dangerous. But that's not why I asked you to move in."

Flo still resisted meeting her eyes. "Yeah, sure. It has nothing to do with trying to control me. I—" Her voice cracked. "I love you, Jules. But I need a partner, not a babysitter."

"Well, that's good, because I need a partner, too, not a babysitting charge. I don't even know what to do around children." Jules squeezed Flo's fingers tighter. "Listen. Let's backtrack, all right? Let's forget about the job thing. You're right. You already have a career." 

She didn't know if running around with freelancing criminals could be called that, but if she really thought about it, there was little chance her father would offer Flo anything safer. At first, maybe, to appease Jules and lull them both into a false sense of security. Later, though... 

She shuddered.

"It was really a dumb idea," she said with feeling, "and I promise to never, ever bring it up again. But as for the other thing, the moving in together thing... Maybe that's something you could think about, after all. Not because I want to control you. Just because I want to have as much time with you as possible. So. Maybe you could... come around for the weekend and then stay around? While you're searching for a new apartment, anyway? And then if I turn out to be insufferable to live with, all right, you'll sign some new lease. But maybe it will work out. Call it an experiment."

Finally, their eyes met.

"An experiment," Flo repeated. The uncertainty in her voice was a vast improvement over vehement denial.

Jules nodded. "Yes. Or a chance to prove me wrong, if you will. Come on. Convince me we can't make it work. I dare you."

"You do really want me to be the bad guy, don't you?" There was no bite in Flo's voice anymore, and the hesitant smile lurking in the corners of her lips was the best sight ever.

"Well, love," Jules leaned in, "you're the one who wants to make it as a villain. I'm just playing along."