#i admit - i used to misgender them too.....

[snekdood]

ive been disillusioned with a lot of the left for a while, it's nice to at least see that other ppl see it now, though the reason why kinda fucking sucks.

[daandyli0n]

(discussions of religion)

y’know what? screw it, i’m gonna say it:

yes, i’m a christian

yes, i’m also lgbtq+

it is possible to be both

so you know what? i’m gonna spread a bit of positivity

to the lgbtq+ christians who can’t come out because they are surrounded by Those Christians™

i’m sorry, i honestly feel you, you’re valid, and i really do hope that things will get better for y’all

have a nice day 💖

[doberbutts]

I think, honestly, the thing that gets me about The Collection of Posts from last night is:

“Trans men would rather be misgendered than admit any culpability or power”

1: culpable for what? What exactly did we do? I’m not talking individuals. Individuals of any demographic can be bad people. What are we, as a demographic, culpable for?

2: what power? Seriously, outside of some social power in individual interactions, which can change on a day-to-day or even scenario-to-scenario basis, what power to trans men have?

3: you know, it really sucked to be called a gender traitor by someone who I once held as a friend before they went full mask-off TERF. I was so incredibly hurt by it and I didn’t speak to that person for several years, nearly a decade, before they approached me to apologize and extend an olive branch. Even now, our relationship is strained at best because I cannot get over the amount of pain I felt at their words. We talk... maybe once a month or so, where we used to videocall every night and chat for hours about everything and nothing. And... this type of thing now coming from other trans guys is really not any better.

And

“Trans men have transition goals that match their Anime Boyfriends while refusing to break up with cishet men who won’t let them even cut their hair”

1: it’s now funny to joke about transphobic abuse in romantic relationships?

2: you know every single abused person in a relationship has heard “just leave” and “it’s your fault because you didn’t leave sooner”, yeah? Victim blaming is okay when it’s trans guys though? Is that the lesson from this?

3: again, TERFs and TEHMs say this. “You just want to look like an anime boy” and “you’re trans because you watch too much yaoi” and “you’re not really a gay man since you’re trans” are nothing new and having it come from other trans guys is, shockingly, not better.

Can you hear yourselves? Do you really think you’re doing anything but being outlandishly cruel, mean-spirited, and, yes, transphobic? Who are you helping by doing this?

[etheries1015]

Sorry, I overread it (It's currently 10pm where I live, I've been up since 4am, and my anxiety is kicking. Requesting things from people I never requested before is hard >.<)

May I request Riddle, Kalim, Idia and Malleus reacting to finding out their crush is trans-masc? Either by reader telling them or them finding out by accident

Never apologize for asking questions and sending asks! Please take care of yourself, get lots of rest, water, and sustenance <3

Finding out you're trans-masc

Featuring: Riddle, Kalim, Idia, Malleus

WARNINGS (please read): I'm a cis woman and I CANNOT stress enough that I may not be able to portray this as well as someone who actually identifies as such! I did do research ahead of time to make sure I try my very best to capture the essence of someone who identifies as trans-masc, but everyone's experiences are different. If I, in ANY way shape, or form, used incorrect terminology/representation or mistakenly offended anyone, please educate me so that I become more knowledgeable and can build my understanding. Other than that, I hope I did well in writing this for you to enjoy <3 Thank you for your time and for the request <3

Riddle

The topic came up during the first time you had gone to an Unbirthday party. Being misgendered by Riddle, you spoke up gently to inform him of your disposition.

"I'm...well, I don't use She/her pronouns." You shrugged. Riddle pursed his lips in frustration at his own confusion, he hadn't met someone falling under the LGBTQ umbrella before, he was incredibly sheltered and closed-minded for a long time due to his mother's teachings.

"I see..." Riddle nodded, "Then, please explain it to me so that I may not make the same mistake twice." He was eager to learn more about people and their experiences, especially learning about someone he found himself becoming more and more attached to.

Spends an entire night reading upon such topics- he was very quick to adapt and correct people around you whenever he found they did not address you properly.

"Does it bother you?" You had asked him once out of pure curiosity, and his response was with furrowed eyebrows and confusion.

"And why should it? It does not matter what you identify as. You are still (y/n). You are not your gender, and not your sex. You are..." He blushed deeply, you smiling to urge him on. You knew about his crush on you, of course, yet he seemed to be far too shy to admit it yet.

"You're..." He hesitated, "failing this class. G-get back to studying! quit getting distracted with silly questions or it's off with your head!"

You loved seeing him open his mind to many different concepts and treat you no differently than anyone else (minus some favoritism, hehe <3)

Kalim

It was actually Jamil who brought it up in conversation. The topic of "LGBTQ" came up, of course, Kalim understood the basics of people who identified as gay, however when the term "trans-masc" came up in regards to you, he was incredibly eager to learn more.

"Trans-masc? I thought they were (y/n)?"

"Kalim- no-"

It didn't take long for him to easily come around to the new terminology. You maybe gave him a 10 minute crash course before he accepted it face value.

"I see...so one day you're going to be by my side not as a queen, but as my royal spouse!" You were flabbergasted at his brazen comment. With a red face, you hadn't time to react before his hands were already around you in a deep hug.

"Haha! Oh, right! The pop club has a new song, wanna listen to it?"

He loves you no matter what. The most understanding and unconditionally in love person to exist, the definition of sunshine

Might overshare sometimes. He will bring it up sometimes to other people (if they misgender you) and give THEM a crash course on it! You love that he is so passionate about you, though. xoxo

Idia

He knew. He is chronically online, he knows all about it. When he first met you, he even asked what your preferred pronouns were.

I don't really know what else to say for Idia, he honestly doesn't care who you identify as. You play video games with him and give him love, that's enough for him!!

Can take it incredibly seriously If someone misgenders you or tries to bully you about your identity, his hair turns a fiery red and he turns gives them a whole one hour lesson while belittling that person calling them as intelligent as a soggy piece of bread.

The other person is crying by the end of it, but honestly nobody deserves to be treated disrespectfully like that.

actually how he confessed his crush to you, lol. In a fit of rage to someone who wasn't being very kind... "How dare you treat the one I love like that, you stupid normie piece of-" Realizes his mistake, face turns red, turns to you (whos face is also red)

"ummm.....Nevermind!" He runs away, but there was no getting away from you heuheu

even though he can be shy and kind of tsundere in public, he can be really passionate and will defend you at a moments notice and educate other people who are, as he puts, less than him.

In private? Sitting in his lap playing video games

Malleus

Actually, learned this from Idia. It was during class when the topic of LGBTQ came up, and when speaking among the students he over heard Idia telling ortho about your disposition as trans-masc.

Immediately came to you

"Child of man, what is 'trans-masc' and why did Idia use this term to describe you? Could you elaborate?" You two decided to take a stroll around the forest where you spent hours talking about all sorts of different people and the terms they used, explaining to him about dysphoria and how you discovered that the pronouns you were born with just didn't sit right with you.

Nods in understanding, but ends up purchasing a bunch of books Idia and Lilia recommended to him to increase his understanding.

Even though there are indeed things he will never be able to sympathize with properly and understand, such as the effects of dysphoria, but he will respect you full heartedly and not treat you any different despite still growing to learn about such topics.

All in all, it does not matter what you identify as. He finds himself completely enamored with you, loving how you teach him new things about anything and everything with humans- he will treat you the same as you treat him- impartial due to status, class, gender, pronouns, human or fae. He knew you were the one he wanted to rule Briar Valley next to one day- as his lovely spouse.

~~

I hope I was able to answer your request satisfyingly <3 Please let me know if anything needs to be changed and I shall update accordingly, I myself am always learning and growing every day! Please be kind <3

[fkbcorrector]

I'm a jock, I do a lot of sports and training, occasionally there's girls who stare, sometimes some people come watch me play, it's natural, but recently I noticed this shy fakeboy watching me, I could clearly tell, she was wearing a binder but her huge tits made it kinda obvious, she was watching me from the corner of the field while hanging out with her friends, one seemed to be a legit trans dude, probably also onto the fact she's faking it and waiting on the next time that he catches her vulnerable to finally use her, the other was just a cis girl also running her eyes through my shoulders as I juggled a ball around.

I wonder what would have happened if I went there, I'm sure the real trans guy there would give me a non verbal pass at her, maybe he'd even join, I love punishing ftmtf sluts with another real trans man, doubling the price of her pain.

I would've called her pretty, ask what's up, she naturally would try to correct me wouldn't she? But of course I'd cut her off before she could even finish by complimenting her cis girl friend, do a little flirty jock pick up line on her, I wonder how jealous the slut would get, I wonder how that would make her feel, knowing she's jealous of a cis woman, confronted with how she's faking all of it because she wishes so bad that I would've eyed her down instead, how wet would she be at the same time thinking about the fact I called her pretty first. What would she do? She'd be too afraid and shameful of her dripping cunt to be able to say anything, so I know I'd have to take the rails of the conversation for her. I would've taken my shirt off, shown off my pecs, larger than my scars making them almost unnoticeable at this point, and use the t shirt to wipe the drops of sweat running down my forehead, giving both girls a moment to eye me down for a second, make them both wetter and more eager to compete for me, just like a pack of two horny bitches.

Then, still with my shirt off, I'd ask the three of them if they'd like to hang out later, while staring directly at the slut's cleavage, her tits were so bubbly being smashed down by that binder, I could feel my tcock growing harder and harder, swelling with the instinct to punish the bitch. Of course they'd agree too, the trans dude would've had already given me the pass by staying absent from the conversation, the cis girl would be all over me and the fakeboy couldn't say anything, she'd be frozen, her cheeks burning with shame as her cunts kept swelling and dripping, gazing at my muscles as I gazed at her tits.

I'd go back to my training session with a scheduled date to hangout with the three of them, knowing that wasn't even necessary, I was never going to fuck that whore, I was going to fuck her cis girl friend to make her be eternally confronted with how fucking jealous she is that she'd never get fucked by me because she is pretending to be someone she's not, her guilt would eat her alive, I'd become friends with the group and everytime she saw me she'd remember her guilt, she would spend years touching herself to the thought that maybe one day I'd touch her, I'd be her biggest trigger of her true self, she'd start accidently saying her real name, she'd start to accidently "misgendering" herself, the more she did the more attention I'd pay to her, she'd notice this pretty quickly as I already haunted her life in every other way, so she'd start doing it more, and more, and more, until one day she's brave enough to wear a bra, another day a skirt, then a dress, and eventually I'd make a move, imagining how hard this whore was about to cum, after years of touching herself every night to me, years of watching me train with her cunt drooling, I'd be edging her for all those years to then finally use her once she admitted she's nothing but a slutty girl and throw her away after she's properly corrected.

[mouschiwrites]

Hiii um. South Park :3

Maybe… main four and butters with a short ftm reader?

South Park :3 (I'm so sorry if this isn't that good, I'm not quite used to writing for an ftm reader,, I'm trying though I promise)

South Park - Main Four (+ Butters) With a Short FtM Reader

Kyle

Kyle is pretty tall, so he's used to people being shorter than him

Having to bend down for kisses and what not doesn't bother him

He'd never admit it, but he actually loves when you pull him down to your height for a kiss

He just likes a little assertiveness now and again, but only from you

If you're ever insecure about your body or masculinity, he's got facts and figures to validate you

And he'll absolutely listen if you need to vent

One of his favorite activities is destroying transphobes with the same info he uses to comfort you (plus some colorful insults ofc)

He discovers this the very first time he defends you against transphobes at school

"Are you okay? That guy was a major asshole."

"Am I okay? You should be asking the other guy! Cripes, you demolished him!"

"That's what he gets for dissing my boyfriend."

Stan

Whether he wants to admit it or not, Stan can appreciate a partner who'll wear the pants in the relationship every now and again

He has his share of insecurities as well, so he's got empathy for yours

He's the best listener for said insecurities, but as for advice...

He could use some himself,, he can't offer you much

He'll shower you in affection to make up for it though! Words of affirmation are his go-to, even if they are a tad awkward

He also sometimes uses humor to distract you

If someone ever misgenders/deadnames you, he'll immediately correct them with a glare

If the transphobia gets too intense though, the best he can do is get you away while making a few digs at the assailant(s)

He'll check to make sure you're okay once you're alone

"Yeah, I'm okay, I guess. Just... sucks, I guess."

"I'ou'll always be my big tough boyfriend. Well, maybe not big."

"Pfff, thanks, babe."

Cartman

He bullies you so much for being short

Secretly he thinks it’s adorable, which is why he keeps bringing it up

If you tell him to stop, he might ease up a little, but won’t completely quit it

Very blunt when it comes to comforting you

He’ll absolutely just interrupt you if you start spiraling while venting

He gives brief but sincere reassurance before insisting on cuddling while watching TV

He won’t openly defend you because he doesn’t want people to see his soft spot for you

His defense is more indirect

Like if someone deadnames you he immediately spits out:

“Kill yourself.”

“Cartman!”

You act all shocked, but you appreciate his efforts, subtle as they are

Kenny

Honestly he doesn’t really care that you’re short

He likes to try and pick you up sometimes though

This usually ends with you both laughing on the ground after he inevitably stumbles

When you come to him about your insecurities, he insists on touching you while you speak

He’d prefer to have you in his lap while he whispers validations in your ear, but he’ll settle for hand-holding or even just pinky-locking

If anyone ever so much as insinuates anything transphobic, it’s on sight

He’s throwing hands before they even finish the sentence

You’ve had to pull him off multiple people

You don’t apologize though (unless it was a genuine misunderstanding)

“They’re not gonna bother you anymore, babe.”

“I think they’re just scared of me now…”

Butters

Short person solidarity!!

The most supportive boyfriend ever

Definitely has at least one of those t-shirts that’s just the trans flag

Absolutely beams whenever he wears them, but he won’t tell people that you’re trans if you don’t want him to

Gets really pouty when you’re insecure

You’re just so amazing and valid in his eyes, how could you not see it?

Will vent right back at you about how awesome and cool and manly you are

But he’ll also just shut up and listen if you tell him that’s what you need

Gets even more pouty when people are transphobic

It’s more of an angry pout, though

You guys team up to battle the transphobes 💪

“Hey! That is not nice! His name is Y/n and he is a boy!”

“Yeah, asshole!”

This is my first time writing an ftm reader, so pretty please do let me know how I can improve!! I’m ready to learn!

I hope this was okay anon, thank you for your request! And thanks for reading :D

(divider by saradika)

[flightfoot]

I know you read a lot of fics, so maybe you'll be able to help me, please? Do you have any fic recs with trans Adrien or trans Felix?

There ain't a lot of Trans Felix fics yet, but there are over a hundred fics that feature Trans Adrien, it has its own tag! Here's two fics I have bookmarked (Sorry for not leaving reviews of them though, I gotta skedaddle).

Rocking the Cat-Eyes by @buggachat

“I like being a girl.” “That’s the alcohol talking,” Marinette snorted. “I’ve always been a li’l jealous,” Adrien admitted. “... Of what?” “That you get to be a girl,” Adrien murmured, “and I don’t.” — When Marinette and Adrien host Girls' Night at their apartment, Adrien is easily welcomed to attend as "one of the girls"... but has a bit too much to drink. Some drunken confessions are spilt, some assumptions are made, and most of all... Adrien is confused.

Hello, We Love You, Won't You Tell Us Your Name? by Inkworld

Adrien has been Chat Noir for all of six months when he realizes… well, he had never runaway before because the reality of looking like a teenage girl and supermodel would not bode well for him on the streets even with his fencing experience. But Chat Noir doesn’t get misgendered—though Adrien imagines he’d still feel safe enough with Plagg around even if he did. Adrien has been Chat Noir for all of six month when he decides that he only wants to be Chat Noir. The only creature in the whole wide world that has ever called him by his name, his real name, is Plagg anyway. He’s sure that his friends from school won’t miss him half as much as he’ll miss them (he’s wrong, of course). Adrien has been Chat noir for all of six months when he runs away from a mansion that has always been more of a prison than a home. He’s not expecting Ladybug to be so upset when the Agreste kid is announced missing.

And here's the Trans Adrien Agreste tag on AO3 for your perusal!

[sophieinwonderland]

Finally! We Can Talk About The Dissociation And Hallucination Post!

Yes, I made a post saying I share guides that teach people to dissociate and hallucinate, although the timestamp clearly says it was January, so it's still not at all related to the misgendering post from the November incident. (Unless I said something similar before that, which I'll admit is possible.)

Now that I've finally been publicly called on that old post in the syscourse tag with a screenshot and its full context, we can finally have the conversation I setup months ago.

I know people had been syscoursing about it for a while, but mostly on blogs that had me blocked, and it was confined to reblogs which made it difficult to respond. So disappointing. 😔

But yes, I made this post!

Yes, I used the D word. I also used the H word.

I'm surprised the hallucination part of this somehow got lost most of the time people referenced it. I was sure that would be the main thing people would fixate on.

But that is the post I made where I phrased beneficial and common tulpamancy practices in a way I expected would elicit a reaction from anyone browsing my blog looking for things to take out of context and attack me on. I really expected we'd be discussing this back on January 10th, not mid-September. But better late than never! 😁

All Switching Guides Teach Dissociation, All Imposition Guides Teach Hallucinations

Actually, I'll go further and say even basic mindvoice communication with your tulpa is inherently hallucinatory, even if it's not fully acoustic the way imposed voices are. (Most tulpamancers disagree with this view though, and only use the H word when discussing imposition.)

Many tulpamancy guides will actually use these words. Many imposition guides will refer to it as such when explaining what imposition is. Likewise, many switching guides will use the word "dissociate" when describing how to get the host to tune out so the tulpa can takeover the body.

This should be differentiated from the involuntary trauma dissociation seen in dissociative disorders or the types of hallucinations that manifest in Schizophrenia. But they are still dissociative and hallucinatory.

Ironically, my own guide doesn't use the D-word. Well, not that D-word. My guide uses the word "detachment." But make no mistake, detachment IS a type of dissociation.

So it absolutely is technically true that I "provided instructions on how to dissociate." And I will continue to do so completely unapologetically in the future.

(And I'd argue that headmate creation itself falls under compartmentalization type dissociation too, but that's a topic for another day.)

Dissociation and Hallucinations Aren't Inherently Bad Things

Yes, these can be bad in the context of mental illness. But there are many cases where they aren't. Many cultures and religions practice non-pathological forms of dissociation and hallucinations. Whether through mental training or through use of drugs.

In fact, many religions that do similar practices report positive mental health benefits as a result, and psychological studies conducted into them refer to them as hallucinatory or dissociative practices.

Despite the stigma, these are not bad words.

These ARE the Tulpamancy Practices

The thing is, these are basic, common tulpamancy practices. Practically every member of the tulpamancy community is aware of them and of what they are. And they, along with tulpamancy itself, are generally associated with positive mental health benefits like the religions that conduct similar practices.

These sorts of practices are what the tulpa community was built on. We have a wealth of guides dedicated to honing these skills. We don't use the scary words (dissociation/hallucination) much in day-to-day use, but we don't exactly hide what these practices are either.

Recently, there has been a faction of so-called neutrals (who spend most of their time spreading anti-endo content) pushing for the tulpamancy community to change its terms. Especially with the rise of "pro tulpa, anti-tulpa terminology" as a label for those who claim to support the tulpamancy "practice" but not the term.

Personally, I feel and have always felt that much of this was in bad faith.

That most people who claim to support the practices but not the term will turn on the practices too the moment you talk about what they actually are.

Supporting Tulpamancy/Paromancy/Whatever Alternative You Make Up Is Supporting Practices That Involve Dissociation. That Involve Hallucinations. And Yes, Will Likely Permanently Change The Brain of the Practitioners Over Time.

If anyone honestly claims to support the practices but not the term, then I want to make certain they know exactly what they're supporting.

If the concept of me sharing guides that teach people how to dissociate (for switching) and hallucinate (for imposition) scares you so badly, then you don't support tulpamancy practices and any claims you ever would be fine with tulpamancy if we used a different name were lies.

And you're not safe for, not just tulpamancers, but also the other religious and spiritual groups that use similar dissociative and hallucinatory practices to the benefit of their practitioners.

[anarchicarachnid]

"20% are either just using any mention of Vaush to just shit-talk him as a default without any stated reasons" - Vaush has engaged in forms of Holocaust denial, using common nazi dogwhistles and believes the numbers are inflated as propaganda. Vaush said: “If you are not paying for child pornography there is no argument in favour of morally condeming people who view it. Vaush admits to being an informant when he lived in Santa Monica, California. He admits to revealing activist identities to the FBI. Vaush called the LGBT community ‘cancerous as fuck.’ because there’s a “ton of mental illness” and said they should be “excised from the left.” He also called them “less than human” and “fucking disgusting”. Vaush called trans people ‘bitches’ for taking offence when misgendered." - Vaush deserves to be shit-talked, he's less-than-human scum.

For anyone interested, this is a fantastic example of how many people who view themselves as The Most Progressive will join in on internet hate mobs using the shallow guise of criticizing leftist advocates "from the left", while in actuality they're just hate-mongering based on shit they heard second- or third-hand, and which they don't understand, and which is provably false.

It's just too bad it actually takes way more effort to do the research necessary to disprove a list of lies than it does to parrot a bunch of shit you read and immediately believed, or sometimes just lying on purpose. SO: I went to the trouble of doing the research necessary to settle this stupid shit conclusively.

First of all, I respect that you're the one and only person who didn't respond positively to my message on that post but actually provided even a single argument for why you disagree. Unfortunately your intellectual dishonesty immediately ruins that respect.

So with this person's vague allusions to Holocaust revisionism and nazi dog whistles, my first guess would be the debate against Maupin, which was an extremely frustrating experience involving a dishonest cult leader tankie who actively engaged in his own very obvious genocide denial, and after about 40 minutes of taking him to task for actually being reactionary despite posturing as a leftist, Vaush calls out his attempts to deny the Uyghur genocide by listing common ways in which Nazis will similarly attempt to undermine the narrative of the Holocaust. He did this explicitly and obviously as a way to point out how his debate opponent was engaging in denialism, and to draw parallels. If you had actually seen this play out and still believe Vaush was just unironically listing Holocaust revisionist talking points that he agreed with, actually it's impossible, you're JUST a liar. So I don't believe you actually saw this yourself, you heard somebody else tell you what happened.

Another possible but less likely example of nazi talking points being referenced might be when, during the NonCompete debate, Vaush tried to point out that NC had no actual ethical system, and was instead just repeatedly referencing common leftie terminology such as dialectics and sophistry. And he did so by asking several successive rhetorical questions, which utterly reinforced that NC had no ethical system, once he repeatedly confirmed that he believes it to be impossible to objectively determine whether an action is right or wrong, instead deferring to shifting material conditions. Vaush's point, explicitly, was that whether the justifications the Nazis used for their evil actions, such as Jewish people being over-represented in the banking industry at the time, were true or false, the actions of the Nazis were STILL EVIL AND WRONG. But NC literally couldn't say "the Nazis were wrong in their genocidal actions even if their justifications were factual"

As for the idea that he ever said that CP was okay if it wasn't paid for. First of all: ???? Are you fucking stupid? Second of all, he was clear and re-explained later for the uncharitable or stupid people who misinterpreted his point: he was using CP specifically as a point of ethical comparison to point out how we societally tend to ignore other forms of cruelty and exploitation against children, such as child slavery involved in our economy on a massive scale, though it tends to be in the form of global industries that export products to the US and other places that consider themselves above child slavery. There is a really obvious benefit to using highly contentious examples when debating someone, and it's that some people are willing to bite the bullet on something that is unethical, but if you bring up a contentious example of something directly analogous they will hesitate, even though often the latter example is nearly identical in terms of severity.

Now, when it comes to the claim that he admitted to being an informant, I will admit that while he was joking, it wasn't very obvious. It was easy to misinterpret. But after viewing it again, it's really super clear that his point was specifically about how extremist and other types of radical political groups are what they are, and aren't non-radical simply because they tend to contain dishonest actors such as informants, followed by a his joke that absolutely isn't sincere admission of something that obvious never happened. Cause like.. what group could pre-fame Vaush ever have informed on? He was just a 20 year old in college before blowing up on youtube, he wasn't a major actor in any groups whatsoever.

As to where you get the specific claim that he "revealed activist identities to the FBI" the only thing I could find was a 20 second clip in a tweet specifically claiming that he did so as a way to get out of CP possession charges, the claim for which has zero evidence or further context whatsoever, and is a condensed clip of exactly the same video I already viewed again just to see if there was any possible way you could be misinterpreting this unintentionally. Again, you clearly read this shit out of context, were told what to believe, and immediately believed it because it confirmed what you already wanted to believe. Also that tweet is suuuuuuuuuper obviously dishonest hack shit. You should be embarrassed for this one.

He "called trans people bitches" as an extremely obvious joke in a tweet that he immediately added more context to with subsequent tweets, which specifically was about TYPOS, not actual misgendering. Typos get corrected immediately, misgendering is intentional. An explicitly pro-trans advocate who literally lives with two trans people and whose audience is full of at least tens of thousands of trans people who think he advocates for trans rights as well as anyone in his position is capable of, going on to make obvious trans-centric jokes sometimes, is uhhhh not transphobic probably??

Also in the other part of this, which you lumped together as one event, he called out certain parts of the online lgbt community as being toxic wokescolds who were actually really abusive, but hid behind identity politics to make themselves immune to criticism. And this is just objectively true, and further evidenced by the lgbt people who attempt to abuse him endlessly and dishonestly non-stop every single day and over every new incident of him being a progressive advocate but sometimes disagreeing with a fellow lgbt person, which I really shouldn't need to remind you.. He is. He is in the community. People love to erase that.

Furthermore in this instance he was defending Contrapoints, a trans woman, against abusive wokescolds, correctly. And of course later Contra refused to extend the same charitability to him when he was getting sexually harassed and character assassinated by a fellow trans woman content creator who similarly played up the IdPol angle to avoid criticism, and who also leaked DMs and physically mocked him, which is pretty disgusting behavior for a progressive public figure against another progressive public figure she just personally didn't like. And Contra admitted to not even having looked into the context before picking sides against him.

Furthermore, and I know he says it jokingly a lot because he's edgy and I really don't care about that, but your unironic vitriolic way of referring to him as sub-human scum who essentially deserves to have abusive hate mobs forever, because you saw some people on Twitter or whatever saying that he was an imperfect advocate for progressive values, well it's really telling of the way your extremely vitriolic feelings drive your every thought, utterly incapacitating your critical thinking. No doubt the reason why you straight up parrot such obviously dishonest sources of such obvious disprovable lies. And don't get me wrong, if my research into your claims had yielded any proof contrary to my prior knowledge, I'd have looked further into it. It's a good thing he just straight up isn't the caricature you're envisioning. ☺

This is of course all just to say that if someone is a confident and loud advocate for progressive values but reactionary elements of the supposed online left are *constantly* participating in an abusive hate mob against them, there is a good chance that those people are playing a neverending game of internet telephone in order to create confusion around the actual truth regarding various accusations, to the point that it's difficult to even know if someone saw something firsthand when they confidently throw out condemnations.

[badchoicesworld]

Hey!

Your noir fic made me smile so so much. Thank you so much for writing it. I keep going back to smile at it :)

Can I request a fic with noir where the reader is again transmasc, and despite their best and continuous efforts, gets deadnamed, but is almost always too nervous or scared to correct people, no matter how uncomfortable it makes them. Maybe noir can help correct people, or help reader become more confident in doing so? I wonder what noir would think of the reader being so hesitant to correct others, would he be confused as to why it's such a careful ordeal to determine whether or not it's safe?

I feel like it's a pretty common (and slightly infuriating) experience for a lot of trans people, but of course, if it makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, please disregard.

Again thank you so much for your writing! I don't know if you know this, but I'm sure you've made a great number of people smile.

spider-noir reacts to you being deadnamed

spider-noir x transmasc!reader

i got ur other message and there’s gonna be stuff about that at the end, a little bit of a vent

i’mma assume that it’s the same circumstances for this too, spider-reader, established relationship with noir if that’s okay :]

warnings: triggering topic ? zero use of feminine pronouns though, nothing explicit

pairing: spider-noir x transmasc!spider!reader

requests: 👉 masterlist

★⋆ ⋆☆⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆☆⋆⋆★✧

OKAY so, deadnaming ! hopefully, it’s usually an accident, but there are cases where people will just be dicks about it

the first few times noir hears you being deadnamed, he can brush it off as an honest mistake since he’s never heard anyone deadname you before

honestly, he probably takes initiative anyway and corrects them, probably joking “well, i sure hope not!” then crack a really old gay joke in lavender language (WHERE MY LINGUISTIC BADDIES AT?) because you’re the boy you not the not boy you and he likes boys

and that’s that, as long as those people apologise and admit it was an honest mistake then there’s no reason to escalate it

he won’t even think about comforting you about that at first, it simply doesn’t cross his mind that this could upset you

but then he can physically see just how uncomfortable you are- now he’s confused, why didn’t you say anything? why’d you let him do all the talking ?

it’s hard to explain, so you don’t at first . even if you and noir are sharing your lives, it’s still a really difficult conversation to have that he admittedly won’t understand right off the bat

for now, you brush it off. he’s a little hesitant to drop it, since you seem so gloomy once it’s happened, but he won’t push as long as you’re smiling again sometime soon

to him, a name is a name but he can’t understand that sort of significance

NOW if you meet one of those excuses for people that intentionally do that shit to invalidate you or make you feel shit, then it’s on sight

say it’s someone you’re “acquainted” with, that knows you and what reality you live

the first time noir ever hears you get deadnamed or misgendered by them, it’s similar to the last time that he expects it to be an honest mistake

but then they don’t apologise, and maybe they do it again

now noir is getting irritated, starts to actively call them out and be like “excuse you?”

expects them to apologise and correct themselves, if they don’t then you will actually have to either pull noir out of there or watch him do the charleston on a corpse because now they’re just being disrespectful

we all know noir has some anger issues

if you stop him or look off after that interaction, he’ll definitely ask about it again, way more insistent this time

you’ll explain to him that these issues are delicate, that sometimes it’s not safe to confront people like that, that’s one of the reasons you get nervous

does not get it

noir’s like “wh ): but they’re wrong!” and he’s so very confused

you’ve gotta sit down and have a really detailed conversation for him to get it, ideally a slideshow featuring many colours (primarily purple, please)

you have to really explain to him why your deadname is bitter tasting and should never be uttered again, lest the world ends

no, you explain the genuine implications of someone calling you that out of arrogance, what the name means to you now and how it makes you feel- the bad associations and you even explain the transgender terms to him, like deadname

and then you’ve gotta explain how some people genuinely aren’t accepting, that people die over this

he looks like a kicked puppy for like a split second when it clicks in his head that people are intentionally trying to hurt you sometimes, but then he’s right back to himself + determination

yknow that audio that’s like “NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT?” “never give up :’(“ that’s you two, he’s ur hype man 30’s style

speaking of 30’s it’s not like he’s unfamiliar with closed minds and all that, that time was full of them- he just wants to believe that people aren’t like that to begin with, but he’s not naive

but trans issues are new to him, so he’s clueless, figured it would be normalised at least in your dimension

whenever you find yourselves in those situations again, his first thought is to make the transphobe become extinct

but he’s learned . he’s advancing and he also cares a lot about your well being, so he kinda just side eyes you until you either walk away with him or ultimately give him permission to get down and devious with a handgun

then he just makes it a point to avoid these interactions at all for both of ur sake

he thinks he’s being discreet by loudly announcing things like “oh! it’s mY BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND Y/N ! HE is here ! my stag ! my stallion of a man !”

“hello, honey! how are he?” what

dysphoria does not exist, he killed it

he’ll drop his hat onto your head all of the time, usually just because you look so handsome in it

but, throughout the 30’s, hats like his represented masculinity, and you’re one hell of a man

so if you’re ever feeling dysphoric, fear not ! now you’ve got a swanky hat to remind you of just how handsome and manly you are- because you are a boy and noir will be damned if you ever second guess that

he’s still a confused golden retriever of a man, but he’s got the spirit- he just can’t understand how people are so cruel and why it doesn’t just make sense

it’s so simple to him, you are y/n, one hell of a spider-man

★⋆ ⋆☆⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆☆⋆⋆★✧

first of all, you made me cry, how dare u (this is fine and i’m okay, ily)

my dad was the one who outed me, i tried to let him be involved in this part of my life and gave him the opportunity to be a dad, but he failed . he angrily spewed to everyone, those who didn’t already know found out by the end of the day and yeah, it sucks

but i’m the living embodiment of it is what it is, so we ball

it was really nice of you though, to say those things, thank you :] i like for people to perceive me as this funny guy with no enemies kinda vibe, but sometimes life gets the better of you

if anyone’s reading this and they ever find themselves in this situation, if you can, just cut them out ur life; it’s not worth it and you’re better off

live laugh love spider man

[detachedfacade]

it took eddie a long time to make a move. stevie had all but given up. she hadn't necessarily expected him to, but there were moments, lingered touches, flirtation, that felt meaningful. but eddie never really took it the extra step.

stevie didn't realise the over confidence eddie had while flirting was a front. it was only when, while getting high, sitting by her parents pool, that eddie revealed he had been a virgin until he was 20. only a couple of sad handjobs given and received was his sexual experience prior to meeting stevie. "that near death experience really sets a fire beneath you though" eddie had said, had figured if he wanted to not die a virgin he ought to make a move. so he'd gone to the gay bar he frequented a week after the accident and finally went through with it. "and honestly," he said, "I haven't since. not that I didn't like it, I meant I'm sure it will be better with someone I actually like it's just...I still kind of feel like a virgin. like I don't know what I'm doing and I'm scared people will see through that."

stevie couldn't relate, she had more experience than most people she knew, with both men and women. so she knew what she was doing. though, it was definitely the drugs influence that led her to reach out her hand to eddie and say. "i could help you practice."

it seemed after the first step was taken, everything else fell into place. suddenly the weight between them lifted and they could admit, aloud, that they had had crushes on one another. and for how long. "since I met you, honestly. " eddie said.

"did it change? when I..."

"oh my god stevie, yes. since you transitioned it fucking tripled if not more I...I didn't really realise I could like you more but jesus christ you proved me wrong."

stevie was blushing. "that was ...the right thing to say." she said. "I am a bit...or I was a bit scared that since you were gay it wouldn't ever go anywhere..."

eddie shifted in bed. "yeah. I mean I had crushes on girls too, sometimes. I mean debbie harry? c'mon, i'm only human. like robin said, sexuality is fluid."

"robin told you about that conversation?"

"she did, but only after we started...whatever this is." eddie motioned between himself and stevie.

"whatever this is?" stevie replied. "what do you want it to be?"

It was eddie's turn to blush now. "I think I'd like for you to be my girlfriend, stevie."

It became quickly obvious to eddie that whenever her parents were home, stevie would do her best to stay out longer. she would suggest diners and nightclubs and long drives until eddie would say "baby, let's just go back to mine."

of course it wasn't always convenient, wayne being there most nights. but as stevie said, she was 'like a ninja' and could totally sneak in unheard. eddie couldn't stop laughing at the sight of her scrambling up the side of the trailer, his figurines clattering across the floor as she pushed her way into the window. their shared laughter at the moment was made even worse when Wayne knocked and told them to use the door next time.

and so she did. but she insisted, said if wayne was going to know she was there, shouldn't they meet properly? so eddie set a date, and he cooked wayne's favourite dinner, and he let stevie in when she knocked on the front door this time, snuck a kiss before wayne would notice. and wayne said "nice to properly meet you stevie." before taking his seat at the head of the table.

from then she was always round, wayne was always happy to see her, and though he admitted he was still learning 'all this stuff' he never misgendered her.

even when stevies father finally came round, he would still repeatedly dead name her, but wayne, wayne never did. not once. srevie even overheard him, smoking outside with her father, defending her. telling her father, "you ought to get your head screwed on and protect your daughter with everything you have because god knows it isn't going to be easy. and you say you love her, you say you only want her to be happy but don't you see? she is happy." and her father never admitted defeat, but stevie found herself on the receiving end of some stilted affection from then on, and she felt that maybe it wouldn't be all bad going home. eventually.

but by that point, she and eddie had already planned to move in together. It was bound to happen sooner or later. three people couldn't fit into that tiny trailer.

so they got a place on the outskirts of the city, far enough away to start fresh but close enough to visit their loved ones without much hassle. and for a long time Stevie hadn't imagined a part in her life that she would leave hawkins and have any intention of returning, but then robin happened, and eddie happened, and wayne happened and her father looked her in the eye and said "I always wanted a daughter. you make sure you call, okay stevie?" and having something to return for felt so fucking nice.

but the new life in the city was even fucking nicer. no one around to dead name her or ask invasive questions. only herself and eddie finding their feet in a city that didn't know them, and would accept them for who they were. and if it didn't, they would always have love to return to in their shared apartment, in their shared bed, in their shared life. because even if the world was uncertain and scary, everyone could see, stevie and eddie were soul mates.

check out the full collection of stevie drabbles on ao3

[malevolentshrine]

ou im not just stopping by u gotta tell me ur sukuna headcanons now *latches onto ur blog like a leach* :3

this has been percolating in my brain for a couple days now, i feel like my hcs aren't all that unique but i'll share them anyway! i stuck to sfw ones bc i've never written anything smutty in my entire life, despite reading a lot (too much). this list does get more delulu as you go down tho haha

*gives gentle headpats to newfound blog leech*

SFW(ish) Sukuna HCs

appreciates the arts, although not forthcoming with that. i feel like he likes literature for sure (probably quite picky with anything modern tho).

this isn't a headcanon bc its literally a fact that trueform!sukuna has stretched earlobes, but i just think its worth remembering (both because of the references to buddhism and also because they suit him)

not straight - this man (curse?) is pansexual, and maybe demiromantic? will fight homophobes

i feel like he would commit murder for misgendering uraume (who i hc as nonbinary/x-gender). if asked about it by uraume, he'd say it was because they irritated him, rather than because he's defending them in his fucked up way. i don't think uraume would ask tho.

in the heian era, i can almost see him being into making things like carvings and possibly even sculptures? he might even use his techniques for them. but i don't think he has time to be "idle" like that in modern times

this is random, but i think he might enjoy some video games, particularly violent ones. however, if he had full-control of his body, i think he'd quickly get bored and realise that he could just go do the same things irl.

while trapped inside yuuji, i think it playing violent video games could initially be a way that sukuna can be temporarily placated. however, i can see him trying to make yuuji do particularly horrific things in game, which he'd refuse and then i think he'd just get even more frustrated with his confinement.

(i had a mental image of yuuji getting sick of sukuna's urge to kill people and opening up sims 4 to show all the different ways you can kill a sim, but sukuna thinking the methods of killing were pitiful and uninspired. then, sukuna would mock yuuji for thinking that this would be enough to entertain him)

i think that he'd definitely drink, and might have even dabbled with mind altering substances in the heian period. he's a hedonist, y'know?

i feel like if you were in some kind of relationship with him (read: if he decides to keep you as his lil pet), i think he'd be very possessive. i think it'd be to the point where he wouldn't want you out of his sight, maybe even want on his lap at all times. he'd never admit it, but i think he relishes in skinship (particularly after 1000+ years of being sealed) but passes it off as ownership over you

actually i think if you catch his interest, he will go full yandere, but i think it'd take A LOT to genuinely intrigue him to that extent

i think he'd also find it refreshing to be looked at as an object of desire despite/as well as being a monster. again, he'd never admit it and would ruthlessly bully you for it, but i think he likes the ego boost

[butchbarbieagainstterfs]

let’s talk about this! was going to tag her but I’m pretty sure she blocked this blog so about the topic of jeffrey marsh:

“most”? girl, one person potentially doxxed and threatened her children. the rest of us were basically just calling out her lies for what they were. none of us advocated for anyone being physically threatened or doxxed. I don’t endorse that. no one should be doing that shit. anyone that is deserves what they get.

but you lot - because you’ve made it patently obvious you yourself are a terf - physically threaten and doxx trans people all the time and tell trans people you’re going to get their kids taken away from them. don’t cry now just because some fucked up asshole did it to one of you. how many threats do you think jeffrey has gotten just this week?

also: there is no evidence jeffrey is grooming anyone. shumirun cropped and edited videos of them and screen recorded 18+ content that children were never invited to and was locked behind a pay wall and posted on a 13+ app when she knows some of her followers are 12, 13, 14, 15. her being a muslim is irrelevant to me and most people I’ve encountered, and doesn’t mean she can call people groomers without solid proof.

as someone on tiktok said themselves, why have none of you pretended to be a minor on jeffrey’s 18+ patreon to catch them out? because there have been thousands of accounts calling them that in their comments and such for ages, shumirun just took it a step further by posting the accusations on her page then doubling down for 7 million followers to see. you’re telling me not one of you thought to pretend you’re a minor and attempt to talk to them? I’m guessing some of you did try that and didn’t like the answer you got, eh?

next part!

jeffrey isn’t doing anything at all suspicious.

shumirun’s discord however was literally a playground for actual predators. multiple kids from it said people were interacting with them in a weird way. where is this energy for her? I don’t think she is a predator, don’t get me wrong, I’d never accuse someone of that without evidence but you’d be dragging jeffrey’s name even more through the mud if that was them with that kind of discord and they admitted to playing roblox with 12 year olds. you’d also be dragging their name through the mud id they’d lied about having a health condition to get a job and endangered kids in the process.

also: her using their pronouns (not preferred in jeffrey’s case, they’re just their pronouns) doesn’t change that she used a transphobic (and homophobic) stereotype against them, follows an anti-trans group on twitter and liked tweets that were maliciously misgendering them.

last part!

ding ding ding, there’s the terf dogwhistle! the fact you would have less sympathy for a child being murdered because they’re trans (brianna wasn’t murdered by “males”, one cis boy and one cis girl have been charged with her murder) says far more about you than it does about me, “bestie”. also the fact you support all these conservative laws? you realise they’re coming for you too, right? 😬 don’t worry though. we “evil TRAs” will be fighting against any anti gay legislation even if you won’t fight the anti trans ones.

and you have said so much abhorrent shit about trans folk but a lesbian calling himself a dyke in his bio is where you drawn the fucking line? lmfao what the fuck 😭

have a nice day and enjoy the block that will be coming your way very soon 🥰

[solreblogs]

I don’t really post but I need to know if I’m in the wrong in this post match😭

Context. Me and my duo were in a rank match to where enchantress got blocked and the other duo in our team was upset by it saying their main got blocked because of that they chose little girl. At this point I was already lagging but it wasn’t that bad so whatever. Their duo ( prisoner) gets immediately out in the first couple minutes in the match after I saved them ( no hate to them I usually get down at 5 ciphers too 💀) so it was just a 3 man we were making progress until my duo gets down (seer) so I go save at least 2 times before he gets out. So it’s just me and this little girl getting chased by bloody queen. There was at least one cipher left but it was difficult to decode when we were both in the same vicinity. I get down due to me lagging and walking into a wall and got chaired. The chair I was at was near the dungeon and little girl wasn’t going in to save me so I think oh she’s getting dungeon. As soon as I get out she failed her Memory fragment and it pushes her FARTHER from the dungeon getting her hit and a lose from the team. After the match I let my team know I was lagging and just.

I will admit the way I responded didn’t help but I’m so sick of people arguing and causing problems in post match with me bc I’m a new player that’s “bad”. Then accusing me of talking shit when she started it first? Like they didn’t have to say side eye they could’ve kept it to herself😭 god bless my friend and that prisoner he was nice about it (and I think new?). But I just don’t get it like they are being so hypocritical and saying I cost us the game when I did the most saving while they only saved once. Getting your main blocked sucks but taking it out on me is not the way to go. Also love the misgendering when my gender is right there I just idk if I’m in the wrong.

[mommyftm]

as a straight trans guy i want to subtly force you to feminize and detransition for me, under the guise of being another gay t4t trans guy. maybe we start dating after hitting it off at an ftm support group <3 i want to only compliment your feminine features and not compliment you when you try to exhibit 'masculinity' until you try to be as feminine as possible just to get attention from me. i start buying you pink, girly skirts and dresses and tops as a reward for being more feminine for me. when you hesitate i'll encourage you. oh don't worry sweetheart many boys are gender non conforming don't be silly!! you'll look like such a pretty boy. until the only clothes you have are the cute little outfits i buy you because you only ever want to be girly and feminine after my encouragement!!! subtly i slip in 'good girl' sometimes when we have sex and you don't even flinch because of course it's obviously because you're such a cute gnc feminine boy!! yeah no don't be silly. one day i finally decide i want to officially make you a mommy, with my squirting strap that, little do you know, holds real sperm. i moan that you're gonna be such a good mommy for me, deadname, and all you can do is moan louder. such a good girl. i buy you so many pretty aprons with pink hearts on them along with breastforms that you'll be wearing for the foreseeable future for your new fulltime job: being my stay at home housewife <3 maybe i'll bring you back to the support group and introduce you to everyone. 'hi everyone this is my new girlfriend [deadname]!!' nobody recognizes the girly whore in front of them with your huge belly, fake tits and full face of makeup, even if you wanted to try and fight it. and everyone's so happy about our pregnancy!!! hmm wonder what happened to that one trans guy who used to come here?

I've never dated a trans guy before, but it felt exhilarating to be with someone with the same struggles. I didn't question it at all when you'd compliment my feminine features - I have a lot of them, and naturally turn to femininity to make myself appealing to a partner. My few attempts at acting masculine are laughable at best, and I quickly cut it out to get more approval from you.

Before I even realize it, I own so much makeup and feminine clothing. I throw out my old boy clothes and keep all the gifts you've given me. I want to be a good "boyfriend" to you and cherish every gift! It's so fun being gender non conforming and playing dress up for you, and your praise keeps me motivated to be a pretty boy.

I completely overlook any time you call me "good girl", especially in the heat of the moment when we're having sex. Mistakes happen! And I can't even admit it, but it felt kind of nice. This continues until you're misgendering me constantly whenever you pound me with your strap. I've become conditioned to love it, it's all just dirty talk. I clench down hard on your strap when you promise to make me a mommy, clueless that you really mean it this time. All while you fuck the sperm deeper and deeper into my pussy.

I adjust surprisingly well to my new life as a housewife. I always liked taking care of the household chores and cooking, and you cared for my needs in turn. One night I'm making dinner and you come and kiss me. Your hand strokes the curve on my apron made by my pregnant stomach with our baby inside.

I'm all nerves when we go back to the support group. I feel shy and a little embarrassed - what if the others recognize me? What a foolish thought to have. You immediately introduce me by my real name and I lean into you at ease. Since we met, I've completely transformed into a gorgeous, feminine housewife, and we're expecting too! Nobody would consider for even a moment that your busty, pregnant partner ever stepped foot in a ftm support group before <3

[whumpsday]

K&J x MMSS 2: Valen & Liz Part 1

Kane & Jim masterlist / Magnanimous Moonrise & Savage Sunset masterlist

content: starvation, blood, nonconsensual restraint, muzzle/gag, aftermath of torture, misgendering a nonbinary character (non-malicious), mentions of rape/noncon, rescue, recovery, vampire whumpee

Note: This is NOT a continuation of the first KJ x MMSS crossover.

Set after K&J #39: Heat Wave Part 2 and after/diverges from 6M/6S

me and @not-a-space-alien are back with another collab!! part 2 will be posted tomorrow! nasa did pretty much all the editing on this one, so huge thanks to them!!

also: i included the taglists for both stories in the first crossover bc i thought it would be a one-and-done thing, but it’s looking like we’re gonna be putting out a bunch of stuff. as such, i will be including the taglists on this and the second part tomorrow as well, but if you’d like to continue being tagged in crossover pieces, please comment saying so in order to remain on the taglist! it’s opt-in! and as the next crossover will be 18+, please be 18+ to enter the taglist for that.

-

Liz hasn't been able to stop thinking about the vampire since she heard about him.

Valen Kithrara. If any vampires deserved to get what's coming to them, it's the Kithrara family. But Kane… Kane's a horrible person, too. He took away the only family she had left, methodically destroyed Jim's spirit until he was a paranoid, crying mess who took years to build himself back up. An abusive piece of shit who by all accounts deserves to die. And yet, as much as she hates to admit it, as much as she hates him, she can't help but feel bad for the guy. She even let him stay in her house for a few days during that heat wave fiasco last month, so it's safe to say they're fine now, she guesses.

If she can be fine with her brother's abuser who she still fucking hates, she can stop this random vampire she doesn't even know from being tortured, no matter what he'd done.

She's going to kill Valen Kithrara. Put the guy out of his misery. In and out, that's the plan. No more fucked up torture, especially when the person she heard about it from said he heard that all the useful “experiments” had been done months ago and it was basically just senseless at this point. She was able to get ahold of the schedule of that base, and it's supposed to be empty tonight. In and out.

When she gets there, she curses under her breath. There's a car out front. Someone's still here. No one's supposed to be here, but then again, neither is she.

She knocks on the door.

Nick answers. He's breathing slightly heavily, and looks caught off guard. "Er, can I help you?"

Oh, this guy is definitely hiding something. Perfect. All Liz has to do is get him to let her down there and she can stake the vampire. He won't want to admit he was even here, and if he does, she can just say the vampire attacked her. It'd be her word against his. "Hey, I'm Beth. I'm from a different branch a few hours out. I happened to be in town, and remembered hearing you guys have a live vampire here. I'm toootally interested in the experiments you're running. I gotta get going tonight, but I figured I'd swing by to take a look if that's okay, see what your setup is so maybe we can get some research going back in my county," she bullshits, giving him a friendly smile.

Nick narrows his eyes. "Are you on duty? Where is your hunting partner?"

"Nah, not on duty. Definitely don't do that shit alone." She laughs. God, she hadn't even told Laken she was doing this. She'll tell them after. "Just in town for personal business. Why, you guys understaffed and want me to pick up a shift?”

Nick blinks at her. "No, nothing like that. You may look, as long as you don't touch anything. I will warn you safely keeping a vampire in a setup like this involves a fair amount of homemade equipment. I made it all myself. I would be happy to share the blueprints with you if you have someone with the technical know-how to recreate them." He opens the door and lets her in, walking to the basement and unlocking the door.

"Cool, thanks!" Liz forces herself to sound enthusiastic, despite knowing she's about to see something truly awful, and follows him inside. What awaits her is something out of a horror movie. The room is filled with torture devices, and Valen himself- god, he looks even worse than Kane did, and completely terrified.

It's at that moment she realizes that she won't be able to do it. On the job, she kills strong vampires who fight her back. She can't bring herself to kill someone so utterly helpless and scared. Which means everything is suddenly a lot more complicated.

"So, what's that thing you've got it locked up in?" she asks.

Nick sits on the lid of the coffin, near Valen's feet. Valen begins to sob, titling his head to make eye contact with Liz. He can't speak, but the message is clear enough from the big, watery eyes. Please, please please please. "It's a shell of silver-core bars coated with iron, with internal restraints. We call it the coffin. The director insists that safety is our topmost priority, but this satisfies even him to know that this vampire isn't going anywhere. It would have to break through two layers of silver restraints, then remove the muzzle on its face before being able to use persuasion. And as a precaution, we never open the coffin unless at least two people are present."

"Well, shit, we've got two people here right now. I could spot you if you wanted to try anything out." The gossip she'd heard included that the guy doing the experiments could hardly even find anyone to go with him anymore because everyone was sick of his shit. "I'd love to see your work in action and everything, if you've got the time."

Nick stares at her. "Please show me your credentials. I could be fired if I didn't ensure the second party was qualified to supervise."

"Of course, yeah." Liz fishes out her hunting license. Elizabeth Lieberman, it reads. She's glad she chose an alias that works with her ID, but with the way her plan is evolving, she's becoming less sure whatever secret reason he's here right now would be enough to keep him from reporting her when she does what she's about to do. But she can't leave this guy here, she can't. She'll just have to figure it out. Get people to cover for her. "I don't think I ever got your name, by the way?"

"Nicholas." He examines the ID and apparently finds it to his satisfaction. He then gives it back, and walks over to the furnace, lighting it and setting the stoneware cup of silver in it to melt. This prompts a fresh round of sobbing from Valen, and him writhing inside the cage, but the device is too heavy for it to even shake under his thrashing.

Nick comes back and sits on the coffin again, crossing his legs. "Elizabeth Lieberman? It's nice to meet you. I don't suppose you're related to Jim Lieberman?"

"Nice to meet you too. Yeah, he's my brother. Got an apprenticeship a couple months after he got taken, started hunting the second I turned 18, never looked back." It's easier to say something genuine than lie through her teeth. What the fuck, is this guy gonna pour silver on him? Why? It's not like hunters could carry around molten silver. "How'd you get into it?"

"Interesting. I've always been fascinated by Jim's story. The two of you are very strong." Nick pulls down his shirt collar to reveal the scars from fang marks on the side of his neck. "I relate to Jim's story on a personal level. That is what got me into hunting." He releases the shirt. "I'm not a proper hunter, though. I don't have a hunting partner. I'm simply an affiliate of the guild. I do research and support."

Liz figured. The guy isn't built like a hunter. She's trained for this work half her life, and it shows. She knows she can take him easily. Hearing his story makes her feel wildly guilty about that, though. God, if he's been through what Jim's been through… well, if she does this right, he won't even know what hit him until he wakes up with a bad headache. And she can't just leave this vampire here.

"Congrats on getting out. That takes guts." She means it. She guesses that's the kind of thing that could drive someone to… this. "I think your silver might be done."

Nick smiles widely. "Thank you. Jim's book mentioned how much you two missed each other. I imagine you must feel the same hatred towards vampires as I do. As many of us do. If you'd like to assist, typically I have someone handle the vampire while I handle the equipment." He hands her a key, then he walks over to the furnace and holds the long metal tongs with the glowing silver on the end. "All you need to do is hold it still on the ground. Kneeling on the shoulders usually works well."

Liz stuffs the key in her pocket, grabs the stake off her belt, and slams the blunt end into the side of his head while he's turned around. She grabs him as he falls, making sure the molten silver that clatters to the floor doesn't get on him. "Sorry, Nicholas," she says softly, setting him down in the chair in front of the desk.

She re-sheathes her stake, pulls out the key, and approaches Valen. "Hey, buddy. Let's get you outta this mess." She unlocks the coffin, undoes the restraints, and helps him out of it.

Valen watches her approach the coffin through a haze. He'd been mentally preparing for more torture, and now this muscular, god-like woman had attacked his abuser, and is now approaching him like an angel descending with kind words. This is a dream, right? Was this really happening?

He is completely limp in her hands, in a daze. His cheeks are flushed. As soon as her hands are on him, he decides he's a little bit in love with her.

Liz decides to leave the cuffs on, and obviously the muzzle is staying. This isn't Kane. The collar won't come off on its own, so she checks Nicholas's pocket and finds his keys. After a couple tries, she finds the right one, leaving it inside the coffin before closing the lid. "Bet that's better, huh? C'mon, my truck's just outside. Let's get you up the stairs." It's obvious that Valen can't move that well on his own, and she supports him as they make their way up.

Before they leave the base, she stops. "Valen, right? Okay, a couple ground rules. I'm helping you because torture is fucked up, but I'm still a hunter. I will kill you if you give me a reason to. No attacking, no trying to take that off-" Liz points to his muzzle. "No trying to run off. Not that you really can right now, but that'll change. You don't hurt me and I won't hurt you. Sound good?"

Valen is so overwhelmed by what's happening. He'd just been sitting there, being subjected to another of Nick's night visits, when this hunter strides in and upends everything all at once. It’s different, and that scares him, a lot. He has no idea who this person is, or what they’re going to do to him, but… She said torture is fucked up. So it could be good. Maybe this was over? His brain refuses to register it. It feels like he’s wading through molasses trying to figure out what he should be feeling. His usual internal stream of pleas has been completely silenced by how suddenly everything had pivoted. He's never even seen this hunter before. The muzzle is staying on, so obviously things weren't going to be too good, but…

Cheeks still rosy, eyes wide with fear and hope, he nods silently.

"Good." Liz takes him to the truck, trying to decide on the best place for him. It would be a lot better if she had a trunk, but her only options are the passenger seat, the backseat, or the bed. The first two left her vulnerable to attack- Valen would lose, but she would be driving and that was dangerous as shit. The bed left him wide-open for escape.

She considers going back and getting the coffin, for a moment, but… instead, she sighs and just loads him into the passenger seat and buckles him in. He really doesn't seem like he'll attack. "There we go," she says, before climbing into the driver's seat. "Name's Liz, by the way. I live about three hours away, so get comfortable. And hey: you're out. Take a minute to celebrate it." She gives him a smile and a pat on the shoulder before getting on the road.

You're out. Is that what's happening? It must be, right? Valen lets his head lean into the window, bonking against the glass. He's out. He's away from Nick. He's away from Nick. He starts to cry softly with relief. He's still a prisoner, it's not over, but this seems like it's going to be better. He can hope for that. Maybe it's a lie, he has no reason to trust this person, but she is the first one to say what's happening to him is fucked up and do something to put a stop to it. But where is she taking him…? To her house?

Out of the corner of his eye, he watches her strong-looking hands on the steering wheel and working the gear-shift. He keeps replaying in his mind over and over the sensation of her lifting him up, helping him up the stairs, touching him gently to get him up into the seat and buckle him in. What can I do to make you want to protect me? Anxiety creeps over him.

Liz isn't very talkative on the drive home. She's a little on-edge with a vampire just sitting right next to her while she's driving after having fought so many, and keeps glancing at Valen to make sure he's still chill. She calms down once they finally get to her house. She's glad the timing is good- it's late at night, and no one is out, especially not in a town so close to vampire territory, so no one can see her taking a vampire into her house.

"Alright, we're home." She helps Valen into the house, sitting him on her couch. "I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting to take a vampire home tonight, so I'm a little unprepared. Looks like you need… a bath, some clothes, and a meal, for starters." She reaches toward his face. "Not gonna hurt you, just checking out that muzzle," she warns. This isn't Liz's first rodeo, and she's assuming Valen must be at least as jumpy as Jim was when he first came home. The more assurances, the better. She grabs his chin and tilts his head a little, getting a good look of the thing. It doesn't seem locked, which is a major safety hazard she'd have to fix. He wouldn't be able to drink normally with it on, but… "Yeah, I can probably get a straw in there."

Valen's eyes light up with delight when she says this. She's going to feed him? Really? That makes him a little nervous--feed him for what? Dare he believe just because she didn't want to see him starving? And a bath, and clothes… Things you would give a person, and not a piece of meat. It almost feels wrong. It almost feels too much to hope for. Silent tears dribble down his cheeks again, tears of relief. Maybe he could convince her to take the muzzle off. Maybe she wouldn't feel the need to keep him locked up so tight. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe he could be a person and not a piece of meat.

Fuck, he really does remind her of Jim at 24. "Hey, it's gonna be alright." Liz grabs a tissue from the box on the side table and hands it to him. 

He remembers tissues, a relic from an era when he could blow his nose. He takes the tissue and dabbles delicately at his eyes.

"Let's… okay. Blood first, probably. Hmm." She'd heard Jim tell her how Kane jumped on him when he got a papercut, so this guy definitely wouldn't be able to control himself. "I'm gonna have to tie you up first, just for this first time- maybe first few times- to make sure everything goes smoothly. Stay there, lemme work this out."

She's able to scour something along the lines of rope from her camping gear, winding it around his legs and torso firmly and tying it off where he can't reach. Even if he tried to lunge at her, he'd just end up on the floor. "I'll take that off after your dinner. Just try to relax. It'll be fine."

Valen whines softly as Liz approaches him with rope, and starts to sob as she ties him up. It's not painful, it's not even unpleasant except psychologically. More restraints, more tying, more barriers between him and being a person who talks and laughs and says please and thank you and I love you. She tells him to try to relax and it'll be fine, but he can't make his brain believe it. It won't be fine. It's never fine. It's always worse. Things had been getting better, and now they were getting worse again.

Liz passes through the doorway into the kitchen. She'll get a blood draw kit tomorrow, but this will have to do for now. She cuts into her arm, bleeding into a cup.

As soon as the blood is outside of Liz's body, Valen does exactly as she'd predicted, lunging and ending up on the floor. His eyes are wild and predatory, nostrils flaring, and his cuffed hands gouge the floor, raking his claws in an attempt to drag himself forward, growling savagely.

Liz glances back, seeing Valen worming around on the floor. It must be awful to be that desperate for food. She fills about half a cup, which takes longer than she thought it would, before bandaging her arm- first with gauze, then with plastic wrap, to hopefully control the smell a little bit. She hopes Valen is able to control himself a little more after he's finished this. She grabs a straw and heads back to the vampire.

"Valen." He barely seems to hear her. Liz grabs him by the bound wrists to make sure she won't get scratched and pulls him up into a sitting position. She straddles his legs to keep him from moving around so much, then sticks the straw through the muzzle and into his mouth as he strains for the cup. "Fuck, finally. Drink up."

As soon as the straw is in his mouth it's like he's a completely different animal. He sucks and the blood rushes into his mouth, warm and wet. His face instantly loosens into a placid expression, eyelids heavy, lost in the sensation. His eyes flicker to Liz, straddling him. Oh hello, where did you come from, big angel? Thank you. Thank you. He feels the blood warming his frigid insides as it goes down his throat. Thank you. Thank you.

The blood is gone far too fast. The straw wheezes emptily against the dredges at the bottom, Valen still sucking, refusing to admit he's finished.

"Yeah, I get that's probably not enough. Here, lemme turn it around so you can get at the bottom of the straw." Liz pulls the straw from Valen's mouth, flips it, and sticks the blood-covered end back in. After it looks like he's done, she pulls it back out, getting off of him. "I know it sucks, but that's all I've got for you right now. I'll get you more tomorrow."

When Liz lets him lick the straw to get a little extra, he almost starts crying again. She's putting so much thought into his comfort it's almost too much to bear. Ideally he'd like to be allowed to lick the bottom of the cup as well, but he knows why Liz won't let him do that. Please take the muzzle off. I promise it'll be fine. He's starting to have the thought with increasing certainty. Before, back with Nick, he knew for a fact that the second anyone took the muzzle off he'd be using persuasion instantly to try and save himself, but…the urgency to do that was starting to fade, here. Maybe he didn't need to. Maybe they could just have a normal conversation. It’s too good to be true, of course, but it’s a nice thought.

Liz rinses the cup, then returns to untie Valen, helping him off the floor. "Alright. Bathtime, pajamas, then bed. We'll figure the rest out tomorrow. You'll be okay." She helps him upstairs, into her parents' old room. There's a queen-size bed, a bunch of boxes (as she uses it for storage), and an attached bathroom. "This is gonna be your bedroom and your bathroom. I'll get all the boxes and shit out of here at some point this week." She continues helping him to the bathroom.

When she takes him upstairs, he starts to feel a little anxious again as Liz takes him into a bedroom. But Liz is a woman. Even if she did that, it probably wouldn't hurt. It probably wouldn't even be unpleasant. Maybe he would even like it. He thinks about it for a little longer than he probably should, before he realizes what she is saying. Oh, he's getting a bedroom, and a bathroom, and pajamas. That's good, right? He wants that. He starts to bounce a little with excitement. He's getting amenities. Maybe this is okay.

Liz starts filling the tub with warm water, then gestures to Valen's boxers. "You want me to help you get those off, you wanna do it yourself, or you wanna leave 'em on?" She holds up a new finger with each option, indicating for him to do the same to pick which he wants.

He's going to get a bath, but oh, he has to pass the trial of making a decision first. At this point he couldn't care less about his boxers. He has no modesty left, no dignity to scrape up to try and save. He holds up one finger, to ask her to do it, then immediately feels anxious about if that was the wrong thing to do.

"Alrighty, here we go." Liz helps Valen get the boxers off, then helps him into the tub. The cuffs and muzzle are still on, since Liz is afraid he'll take the muzzle off if his hands are free. "I know leaving the cuffs on isn't ideal, but I gotta look out for my own safety too. We just met and all. I promise I'll figure out something better tomorrow, you'll get your hands free. I'll help you get cleaned up for today, though."

She washes his hair and body, trying to be mindful of any injuries, making sure to get under the cuffs and muzzle too. At one point, she presses the washcloth into his hands so he can wash anything below the belt himself.  She has to prompt him to do his own washing a few times before he has the wherewithal to do anything for himself.

After, she helps him into a set of pretty basic pajamas- she does unlock the cuffs briefly so she can get the shirt on, but they go right back on after. "Sorry, I know. It's temporary."

Valen leans into her touches, and at whatever point it's feasible, he leans into her, face into her shoulder, sighing contentedly, clinging to her with his bound hands if she allows it. It's probably pathetic. But he wants to say thank you, and he can't, and it's really, really disappointing when the cuffs don't stay off, but he feels cared for in a way he hasn't in a long time. Not safe, but safer. 

The pajamas are nice--any fabric would be a little scratchy against his injuries, but they're soft and warm, neither of which are anything he's gotten to experience in a while. He sits on the bed, feeling acutely the stark clash between the comforting, gentle pajamas and the hard metal cuffs just a few inches above the sleeves at his wrists.

God, he absolutely breaks Liz's heart. Before sending Valen to bed, she gives him a hug, now reasonably certain he'd want that. He seems desperate for any kind of gentle touch. “It's gonna be alright. It's over. No one's gonna hurt you here." She really feels like she's 20 all over again.

He really, really wants to believe her words. Maybe it's a lie, but for now, in this moment, it's true, and that helps him carry on for a little while.

When Liz leaves him alone to go to bed, he lies down in the luxurious softness of a real bed, but finds to his horror he can't sleep. He's out in the open. That means danger. This is horrible because he starts to realize the solution would be to be shut back in the coffin, which he would hate more than anything, but it's been his only rest and safety for months, training his brain to equate a narrow, enclosed space with sleep and safety.

But he's so tired he wants to cry. Is there anything he could do to possibly recreate this sensation? A weighted blanket maybe? There's nothing. The bathtub? The underside of the bed looks tall enough for him to squeeze under, but he doesn't want to leave the softness and warmth of the blankets.

Whimpering, he pulls the comforter off the bed and wraps himself up in it as best as he can, steps onto the floor, and kneels down, jamming himself under the bed and wriggling forward until most of his body is under it. He almost hopes it doesn't work because this is a less than ideal sleeping position, but he does eventually fall asleep.

Liz calls Laken until they wake up and pick up the phone, confesses everything, and tells them to cover for her. Laken is completely on board, and she goes to sleep too, knowing that Nicholas's "a hunter a 3 hour drive away came to steal my vampire for no apparent reason" story will likely not hold up against her "I was literally home all night and I've got people backing that up," especially when he's the one with head trauma and there's no evidence she was there.

The next day, Liz goes to check on Valen, only to find him missing. "Fuck! Where the hell did he go?!"

Valen is awoken by Liz's startled exclamation. Oh no, she thinks I ran off. He starts wriggling forward, but finds he's a little bit stuck. He grips the carpet fiercely and drags himself forward a little, getting his head and shoulders out from under the bed, letting out muffled exclamations to let her know where he is.

Liz rubs the sleepiness out of her eyes with a sigh of relief. "Oh. You do that too, huh?" At least he's coming out on his own, not needing to be coaxed out like Jim did.

You do that too, huh? Did……did Liz sleep under her bed? Why on earth would she do that?

She pulls him the rest of the way out. "Alright, game plan for today. I've gotta go do some shopping, I've got a friend coming over while I'm out. They're gonna feed you, too. After I get back, we'll get those cuffs off, sound good?"

Someone is coming over while Liz is out. That makes him nervous, but excited because they're going to feed him. He wants to ask if it'll be a man or a woman. Liz had said they. Was it just one friend or multiple friends? Realistically it won't really make much difference the gender of the person, or people, but it will let him know how nervous to feel, being alone in the house with someone new in this state. He decides to assume it'll be a man, this way he'll be pleasantly surprised instead of caught off guard if he's wrong, but immediately regrets it, beginning to shake with nerves.

They're coming over to feed you, not hurt you. Calm the fuck down.

But what if they didn't just feed him? Liz was taking the cuffs off, not the muzzle. He's still stuck having no way to tell anyone if something is wrong.

Still, he nods with enthusiasm at the prospect of the cuffs coming off.

Liz takes Valen down to the living room couch, and Laken arrives shortly after. "Hey!" they greet cheerily. "Jesus Christ, you look like you've been through the wringer. What's up, I'm Laken." They hold out a hand for Valen to potentially shake.

"He can't even answer that." Liz points out.

Oh, it's a man. Great. Awesome. Valen dies inside, ready to lie down and take whatever was going to happen to him as soon as Liz leaves. It was obvious Valen wouldn't be able to do anything about it, either resist in the moment or tell on him afterwards.

Valen's countenance shifts visibly and immediately, shoulders drooping. He starts to hold out a hand to shake Laken's, but thinks better of it halfway through and retracts. Maybe if he wasn't overly friendly, or tried to be standoffish or aggressive, he could at least put it off for a while, maybe until Liz got home if Laken didn't pay attention to the time. But then again, maybe Laken was one of those men who liked it better when you tried to push them away. He couldn't know.

Or maybe he's just a normal fucking person. Not everyone is a sadist like Nick.

But he has the opportunity.

That doesn't mean he's going to take it.

He has no reason not to, though. Well…Laken has an interesting hair color. That's nice, at least.

"That's cool." Laken says easily, retracting their hand. "No pressure, man."

"This is Valen." Liz introduces him, since Valen can't. "He's really scared right now, so try not to be too much." She grabs a thick clothing catalog off the coffee table and hands it to them. "Have him pick out what he likes from here, but don't let him write."

"You got it, boss. Blood stuff in the kitchen?" Laken asks.

"Yeah." She looks back at Valen apologetically. "Sorry. Laken's nice, okay? They're not gonna hurt you either. I'll be back in a few hours."

Apparently they're clothes shopping. Exactly how long does Liz plan to keep him here? She's made no mention of removing the muzzle. Does she plan to just have him live here forever, indefinitely muted? The fact that he is apparently going to receive clothes almost makes him feel good, but he just feels nervous instead. He can't make sense of the implications. Did they intend to just have a pet vampire in the upstairs bedroom? Chills go up his spine. Were they going to do other kinds of experiments on him? Surely not, right? She said she wouldn't torture him…

She'd said she wouldn't. Why would he believe her? Why would he believe any of it?

Still, when Liz leaves, he shuffles forward and reaches a hand out, as though to try and grab her to stop her from leaving.

Laken's nice. They're not gonna hurt you either. There's the they again. Laken must be nonbinary. He'd heard of such a thing in passing, mostly in the context of people around him crucifying it as ridiculous and juvenile. He'd secretly found it intriguing, but it doesn't put him at ease. A nonbinary man can still hurt him.

Liz leaves, and Laken claps their hands together, discarding the catalog back to the table for now. "How about breakfast first?"

And then they're alone. Valen's resolve comes back. I'm not stupid. I know you're probably lying. Don't treat me like I'm stupid. He wants to be fed, very much so, but he doesn't trust Laken, and he doesn't want to let Laken see how desperate and scared he is. He remains silent.

Laken shrugs. "Kay, we'll just go with that, then. You think you'll be able to be chill while I get my blood in a cup, or you need some help? Liz told me on the phone to tie you up 'cause you're still getting your juice back, but if you wanna give it a try without, hey, it's cool. Oh, uh, nod for rope, shake your head for nope."

Absolutely not. Valen feels like he would probably die if Laken tied him up. He's not as desperately hungry as he was yesterday, so maybe he'll be able to not lunge? But it was only one feeding…

No, he can't be tied up, absolutely not. He shakes his head frantically. He would rather suffer whatever consequences come from accidentally lunging than be tied up.

“Okay, cool. Let's get this ball rolling, then." Laken smiles at him, then goes to the kitchen and slices their arm to bleed into the cup.

Valen is able to resist a little bit this time, but after a few seconds the smell is too much. I need it RIGHT NOW I NEED IT GIVE IT.

He tries to stop and pull himself back, though, so he just sort of ends up bumping into Laken from behind.

"Oh, hey. It's gonna take a couple minutes, I think." Laken firmly holds Valen away at arm's length with their free arm. "Good to know I'm delicious, though."

Valen blinks at them. Well… That could have gone a lot worse. He wrenches himself away from Laken, chuffing air from his mouth and nostrils aggressively, still feeling threatened and vulnerable, trying to seem dangerous and prepared. He shuffles backwards and takes a seat on the couch.

Laken finishes preparing the blood, bandages themself, and sets Valen up with the straw, murmuring about how "You really seem like you need to smoke some pot. It's so sad vampires can't do that." They turn the straw around for him to lick the bottom too, citing "Liz told me this was a good last step."

Valen snatches the cup from Laken and clutches it to himself, glaring at Laken as he sips it. When Laken puts their hand near Valen, even for something obviously to help, he lets out a low warning growl like a dog.

When he's all done, they get the catalog back out, and a pen, handing both to Valen. "You can go through this and pick out whatever."

Valen’s heart pounds. Does Laken not realize that Valen can use persuasion through writing?  He’s being handed a pen.  He hasn’t had an opportunity like this in so long. His brain twists into anxious knots trying to figure out how to handle this.

Laken does not, in fact, realize. They open the book up to the first page for him.

Valen is suddenly conflicted. Should he try to escape now? Would that make things worse? They're being kind to him, but…

What is he thinking? He has to get out of here. It doesn't matter how nice they are, they're still keeping him captive. They can still do whatever they want to him. He's still at their mercy. This is probably all just to lull him into being complacent. His mind races. Oh no, he has to make a decision.

He takes the pen and starts to write a command, but to his horror his disused hands can't scrape together the dexterity to get it right on the first try, and he ends up producing some chicken scratch before fumbling and dropping the pen.

He lets out a whine and cringes, looking at Laken through his eyebrows.

"Hey." Laken snatches the pen up, suddenly serious. "I know it sucks you can't say anything, but you know why we can't let you, even if you seem like a nice enough guy. No writing, bud."

That…. also could have gone a lot worse. Laken is being remarkably patient. But Valen still has a hard time suppressing the instinctual fear welling inside him.

He takes the catalog, still bracing for retaliation. When none comes, he turns his eyes downward and points to a black turtleneck sweater.

Laken notices the increase in fear. "I get it, dude. You're just trying to survive, I'd probably do the same if I was you. Listen, I won't even tell Liz. We're cool." They circle the sweater.

Maybe Laken is okay. Maybe. He wants to believe it.

Valen goes through the catalog and picks out all the most expensive things. He doesn't realize until afterwards what he's done, but living among the nobility allowed him to develop expensive tastes. It was frustrating because if he could get back to his house, he still had a lot of money and jewelry he'd take from the Kithrara estate, which he could offer to buy the clothes he actually wanted--of course, in that case, he wouldn't need to be buying new ones.

These are the ones he wants though, he'd just done an honest assessment of the catalog for the kinds of things he'd typically wear. Lots of black tops with long sleeves, dark, tight pants, a long, heavy jacket with a hood. He'd even found a studded leather belt and knee-high boots. Which, unfortunately, cost almost $200, so he figured that was one of the more outlandish asks. He colors a little with embarrassment at his selection.

"Damn, you and Lizzie really are two peas in a pod. Maybe she'll give you one of her leather jackets. Dunno if she's gonna go for those boots, but since you can't, I'll argue on your behalf." Laken gives him a wink. "She'll totally cave. Oh, and, hey. You're trans too, right? You want binders or something?"

Valen looks up at Laken sharply, hardly able to believe what he’s hearing. He tears up instantly. He'd never in a million years thought he'd be able to get that at all, let alone without having to ask and plead for it. His wet eyes sparkle with newfound appreciation, and he nods. Okay, Laken is all right. He leans into them, grabbing their shirt.

But…. something still doesn't feel right. How are they going to care about details like this, and validating him, yet still deny him the very basic ability to advocate for himself? To communicate with them as an equal? Were they just buying him nice things like one would buy toys for their dog?

He looks up at Laken pleadingly and slowly points to the muzzle, hopeful inquisition on his face.

Laken sighs. "I can't. Look, I'll talk to Liz about it, alright? Like, honestly, I doubt she'll keep you here forever, so that'd definitely come off. She's probably gonna let you go. She's just paranoid, y'know? Her brother was held captive for years by-" They suddenly grin. "Ooh, I just got the best idea. I know someone you can talk to risk-free."

Uh-oh, it sounds like Laken is saying Liz's brother was held captive by a vampire. Talking with a vampire also had no risk because they were unaffected by persuasion. But his hackles raise defensively once again at the mention of a third unknown party, this one being a vampire. He tended to assume the worst of vampires, a trait he shared with humans--the assumptions were usually not that far off. But… This one was friends with humans, so they couldn't be that bad. Right? Unless they weren't actually friends, but another captive? Were they just going to be put together for a play date? But Laken had said Liz probably wouldn't keep him here forever, so…? He looks at Laken anxiously. He knows he can't really do anything about anything, but he trusts Laken, a little bit.

"Oh, this is such a good idea. I'm a genius." Laken enthuses, oblivious to Valen's anxiety.

Liz gets home soon enough. "Hey! Everything go okay while I was gone?"

"Super smooth." Laken agrees. "Didn't even use the rope for the blood stuff."

Liz flicks them on the forehead. "Stop taking risks." She unpacks the contents of her shopping: a blood draw kit, a small padlock, and these:

"This way we've got more than just yes and no," Liz explains. "They're not all relevant, like, the yes and no cards are redundant and we don't need hungry and thirsty, but at least you can tell me if you're hurt or something this way. I know it's for kids, but I figured it'd help."

"I actually thought of-" Laken starts.

"And if I put this on the muzzle, we can take the cuffs off." Liz grabs the padlock.

Valen is excited by her haul at first--a blood draw kit means feeding him will be easier, and these cute little cards bode well for his ability to communicate more complex things--he eyes the I want to go home card longingly.

But then she pulls out the lock, and Valen's stomach drops out from under him. No, no, no, please. She's said it as though it were a positive thing, to remove the cuffs, but it looks like a step backwards, definitely a step backwards. As it was now, anyone could take the muzzle off. With this, only Liz could take the muzzle off, or whoever she gave the key to. A key, almost a symbol of ownership as well as from the practical standpoint--if someone lost the key, or something happened to Liz, he would just be out of luck. It forced him to be completely dependent on her and at her mercy in a new and scary way. And if this was her solution, how long was she planning to keep feeding him? Because if the current rate of feeding kept up, he'd be able to break any padlock that wasn't silver fairly quickly. Were they going to stop feeding him? But Laken had said she probably wasn't going to keep him here forever, and would let him go. That was too good to be true, of course, but maybe- They kept telling him things that would make him feel better if they were true, but then doing things that were moving in the opposite direction. If they were going to let him go, putting a lock on his most hated restraint was definitely the opposite of moving in that direction. As soon as Liz declares this will allow them to take the cuffs off, Valen crumples, tears slipping down his cheeks, holding his hands out as though she'd threatened to hit him.

"Oh, hey hey hey, it's okay." Liz takes a step back at his defensive gesture, wanting to give him space. "I thought it'd be good, I thought you'd want them off. Um." She slides the cards across the table to him. "Any of these relevant?"

He shuffles through the cards with shaking hands, trying to find one that says I'm a person and you're not treating me like a person and I don't know how to convince you I don't deserve this. There wasn't one, of course, so he picks out the card that says I am sad and puts it on the table.

"He wants the muzzle off." Laken frowns sympathetically.

"I'm sorry, Valen." Liz feels awful for him. She imagines if Jim came home after his ordeal and wasn't even allowed to speak. "I wanna help you, but I've gotta look out for myself too. And it's just too big a risk for us to talk. I really wanna talk to you too, but it's a safety issue."

"He could talk to Kane," Laken says.

"What? No."

"Why not?"

"Because he's horrible and I hate him." Liz glowers.

Valen shuffles through the cards again, his newfound tool. He quickly lays out I need help, I am hurt, I am hungry, I am tired and I want to go home all in a row, hoping that maybe physically seeing his smorgasbord of negative emotions laid out would impress upon them the extent of his distress.

Liz exhales slowly. "I'll draw you some more blood. You'll heal. I'm sorry. We don't have to use the lock if you don't want. I'm trying to help you as much as I can without compromising my own safety."

"Can't we just drop him off at the border when he can run again?" Laken asks. "He wants to go home." They point at the card.

"…He's a Kithrara," Liz says flatly.

"C'mon, look at him. Do you really think he's gonna come back to human territory after this?"

"I don't know. I can't risk human lives on that."

"Then let him talk to Kane so he can say something more than I am sad." Laken argues. "I know you hate the guy, but he's the only vampire we know, and you know he'd be willing to help."

Liz hesitates, then sighs. "Fine. For Valen. But I'm going to complain the entire time."

Laken smiles. "You wouldn't be you if you didn't."

"Fucking abusive piece of shit." Liz mutters under her breath as she goes to the phone and dials.

Valen clutches his cards to himself. He does kind of want the cuffs off, although he finds them far less distressing than the muzzle. I guess there's no option to get both off… He has a hard time choosing, so he just leaves it, fine with things staying as they are if that's what they choose. He can use his hands well enough to do most things he'd want to, although it's a little annoying.

Sigh…..but hearing humans yet again talk about how dangerous he is, and how he can't be set free for human safety makes him feel small and hopeless again. He's never going to be free of that suspicion, that assumed guilt. But…it sounds like they're going to talk to someone who might help, so maybe it's OK to hope a little bit. He tilts his head in preparation for trying to hear whoever is on the other end of the line during the phone call.

“Hey Liz, what's up?”

“I've kind of got…” She glances at Valen briefly, “A situation.”

“Are you okay?” Jim’s voice takes on a sense of urgency.

“Yeah, yeah I'm fine, just… okay, I'll come out with it. Your situation isn't that unique. I've got a vampire here and he's scared and hurt and I can't let him talk, obviously. So I was wondering if we could meet up with Kane tonight and have him interpret.” Liz blurts out all at once.

“…Wow.”

“I know, I know. You were right, okay?”

“Yeah, I mean, first of all, always am.” Jim gloats. “Second, whatever you need. I'll go let him know what's going on. Can it be here? I think going to your place again would make Kane nervous after last time, even if it'll be night this time.”

“Sure, yeah. Thanks. I’ll see you later, love you.” As much as Liz hates having to rely on Kane of all people, she’s glad this is going somewhere

“Love you too.”

Liz hangs up the phone. "Well, I guess this is really happening."

Laken claps excitedly. "Yay!"

I guess we're going somewhere tonight… Valen figures. He's a little disheartened that the implication from that conversation is that this second vampire is also a captive, same as him. How were they imagining this was going to go? Why was it safe for them to talk to this second vampire, but not Valen? Laken seems excited for it, and Liz seems to think this will be better than the current situation, so maybe it'll be okay. It's a nice thought, that things will work out.

"I'll go get you a second helping." Liz heads to the kitchen and begins drawing blood.

"It'll be okay." Laken tells Valen. "It's all gonna work out." They tap all the cards except I am sad and I want to go home. "We can fix all these easy." They tap I want to go home. "I'm sure we can work this out. The last card depends on you, I guess."

Liz comes out with a fresh cup of blood and hands it to him. He's calm this time. Laken's sitting and talking with him has calmed him down a little. He tries to keep remembering earlier, when Laken had cared enough about his feelings to get him a binder. And just having them acknowledge This sucks was helping, too. It wasn't That thing deserves it or It doesn't feel pain the same way we do, don't worry about it or It's worth it for the greater good.

And they're giving him a second helping of blood. That's so very generous. When Liz comes over and hands him the cup, he pokes the straw into the muzzle, cheeks rosy, sipping placidly like a toddler with a juicebox. Maybe this is OK.

When he's finished drinking, he inverts the straw himself and licks it, watching Liz and Laken tentatively. He wants to say thank you. Even though he's only been able to focus so far on what was still distressing him, he has so very much to be grateful for. His situation has improved immensely.

He flips through his cards trying to find one that matches his feelings, then blushes fiercely and puts down I love you.

"Aw!" Laken is delighted. "Love you too!"

Liz feels super fucking guilty now. "Yeah. Just trying to… make this as okay as possible for you. I know you've been through a lot." She gives him a side hug and collects the cup.

"I've gotta head out. Good luck tonight. And Lizzie, binders too." Laken says, gesturing to the catalog.

"Gotcha."

"It was nice to meet you, Valen!" Laken says. "And hey, don't worry about tonight. Liz's brother is a sweetheart, and it'll be good to talk."

Valen holds up the card that says Yes. Something about a cartoon of a thumbs up makes it feel closer to saying "Nice" than giving a real thumbs up. Nice to meet you, Laken. Please don't die. Humans die so easily.

Liz's brother worries him a little bit, even if he's supposedly a sweetheart. He was held captive by vampires, and so surely has no great love for them. And he's a man, which never bodes well. He does, in fact, worry about tonight despite Laken's plea not to.

-

reminder: i included the taglists for both stories in the first crossover bc i thought it would be a one-and-done thing, but it’s looking like we’re gonna be putting out a bunch of stuff. as such, i will be including the taglists on this and the second part tomorrow as well, but if you’d like to continue being tagged in crossover pieces, please comment saying so in order to remain on the taglist! it’s opt-in! and as the next crossover will be 18+, please be 18+ to enter the taglist for that.

taglist:

@annablogsposts​​

@cc1010foxy​​

@darlingwhump​​

@emcscared-whumps​​

@nicolepascaline​​

@oddsconvert​​

@pumpkin-spice-whump​​

@soursagas​​

@thecyrulik​​

@whump-cravings​​

@whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump​​

@whumpycries​​

@annablogsposts

@badluck990

@barebarb

@cc1010foxy

@ceph-the-writing-spook

@cicatrix-energy

@crying-wings

@crystalquartzwhump

@cupcakes-and-pain

@cyberneticfire

@darlingwhump

@deluxewhump

@down-in-the-whumps

@elrysdoesstuff

@emcscared-whumps

@extemporary-whump

@extrabitterbrain​

@iamtheshriekingguineapig​

@icyheart-and-friends​

@inpainandsuffering​

@interdimensional-chaos​

@kira-the-whump-enthusiast​

@lactose-intolerant-egg​

@lilac-and-lemon-whumps​

@littlespacecastle​

@little-whumpee

@lost-in-labradorite-halls​

@magziemakeswhatever​

@melancholy-in-the-morning​

@morning-star-whump​

@myhusbandsasemni​

@mylifeisonthebookshelf​

@neverthelass​

@nicolepascaline​

@nine-tailed-whump​

@no-terms-and-conditions-apply

@not-a-space-alien​

@nyooom​

@octopus-reactivated​

@oddsconvert​

@onlybadendings​

@owencarvourenthusiast

@pigeonwhumps​

@pumpkin-spice-whump​

@quietly-by-myself​

@quirkykayleetam​

@ramadiiiisme​

@redwhump​

@scp-1296​

@secretwhumplair​

@the-whumperfly-effect​

@the-whumpers-grimm​

@thecyrulik​

@thegreatwhodini​

@themarlo​

@thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight​

@t0rture-me​

@vehan-tikkun-olam-and-stuff​

@whuarri​

@whump-blog-reblogs​

@whump-cravings​

@whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump​

@whump-me-all-night-long​

@whump-my-heart-away​

@whump-queen​

@whumperfully​

@whumpthisway​

@whumpilicious​

@whumpshaped​

@whumpwillow​

@whumpworld​

@whumpy-writings​

@whumpycries​

@whumpyzombie​

@whumpzone​

@wits-and-wrongs

@wolfeyedwitch​