#i am a danger to my health and that's all because my dad doesn't like it when i'm even remotely loud. hitting myself is much quieter

[captainfightingflower]

Y’know, when i get really really mad: i hit myself to try and calm down or “snap me out of it” and focus on the pain.

Currently, i’ve done this so often that i get genuinely dizzy. I know it’s bad because i almost knocked my lights out one time! Everything is making me so angry, and i would probably be doing it any other way if i was allowed to express any strong emotions in my household without getting in trouble.

I can’t wait to move out so i can buy soundproofing for my walls and scream my head off into a jar like that one Vine. I’m fucking losing it over here!!!

[idyllic-affections]

DON'T.... BECAUSE KAVEH'S YOUNGER!SIBLING BEING ANGRY IN THEIR STEAD.. im so sorry for swarming ur inbox but ydbihsjakdas

i could just IMAGINE their arguments about it

"she's our MOTHER, you don't disrespect her like that!"

"yeah, but she ABANDONED us!"

"she didn't abandon us-"

"YES SHE DID! she ran away and left us here, in sumeru, because she was hurting. i know."

"she deserves to be happy-"

"but what about us? what about me? what about you? she sounds SO much happier with our step siblings, and she doesn't even visit us! you can't keep defending her!

you can love her all you want, i don't care. you say she's our mother, but she's been absent ever since dad died."

"you have to understand-"

"I DO UNDERSTAND! and you took care of her when she was sad. you took care of me because she was sad. you were a child too, and you were more of a mother to me than her!"

"don't say that-"

"just because she's my mom doesn't mean i have to like her!"

kinda projected here but good god this makes me wanna explode. i like to think kaveh's younder!sibling has been going through that "rebellious teen phase", but it's not a phase, it's just how they are after growing up with a pretty absent mom and dead dad. they see how much their brother suffer, they 100% wanna help him, but they're going through it too yk??

imagine how frustrating it is for them whenever kaveh talks about their mom and he always says nice things about her but they could see the sheer bitterness, guilt, and melancholy in his eyes. they can't help but hate her for not being there for them (i like to think they're maybe an infant or very very young when it happened) n making their big bro, their parental figure, go through this horrible mess.

n they just kinda grew up with that hate w/o telling kaveh bc they didn't wanna add into his plate of problems. but the hate slowly manifested with other stuff until they went from 'not wanting to cause trouble for kaveh' to 'i cause trouble because i can't control myself and i need to release my anger on something else'

so ya i think kaveh's younger!sibling would be temperamental n people see them kinda like a bully, opposite of kaveh :( even if kaveh raised them kindly, i think reader's hatred to their mom saved them from copying kaveh's self destructiveness...

which caused kinda of a strain in their relationship when reader became a teen

(on the flip side for some reason i think reader would get along with alhaitham more (which would hurt kaveh tbh) bc alhaitham's mentality clashes so much against kaveh's n it's probably what reader needs more... they probably preferred alhaitham's "you're allowed to get angry at things you felt was unfair, even if she's your mother" than kaveh's "she still loves us... she just- she just needed to move on to be happy. she deserves it.")

sorry i kinda developed a whole reader here and maybe this is incoherent blabbering im gonna hide now >q< feel free to ignore !!

NOOOOO NO DON'T HIDE I AM HEARING YOU OUT SOO MUCH RN WE ARE ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH

ohhh the strain that would come as a consequence of that rage and pain... sigh. parentified kaveh is so real, honestly, because with how bad faranak's mental health became, she definitely would not have been able to raise her youngest child. kaveh would be the one to raise them. kaveh would be the one they ran to when they scraped their knee. kaveh would be the one to kiss away their tears. kaveh would be the one to help them with homework and little things like that.

it would always be kaveh.

(and i think faranak would be painfully aware of the way they no longer come to her for comfort and consolation, but i don't think she would be able to feel bad about it until years later, because she's already so... fucked up. she would just be glad that someone was nurturing her child, even if that had to be kaveh.)

i think [name]'s anger would be a good and important testament to how well kaveh really raised them, though.

(but of course, it would also prove dangerous and self-destructive which i mention a bit further down in the post!!)

one who values themselves is one who feels angry when mistreated.

and [name] is fucking livid, for both themselves and kaveh. [name] is aware of faranak's neglect. because kaveh taught them to love themselves more than he could ever even hope to love himself. kaveh raised them well, even if that responsibility never should have been his in the first place.

so it honestly hurts them both when they fight like that.

"don't you dare disrespect her, [name]. you have no idea what she did for us." "what she did for us?! what the hell-- kaveh, she left us for some random fucking guy neither of us have ever met! how can you not see what's wrong with that?!" "do not talk about her like that. she did her best. doesn't she deserve to be happy, [name]? doesn't she?!" "oh," they'd scoff, "so 'her best' is abandoning her kids, parentifying her oldest son, and running from her past like a fucking coward?" they would roll their eyes and turn away at that point. "no, kaveh. she doesn't. neither of us are, so why does she deserve to be happy?" they'd then leave.

and consider this dialogue somewhere in there:

"she isn't my mother. she didn't raise me. you can like and defend that woman all you want, but she never was and never will be my mother."

they care so much about what kaveh went through for them. they are so painfully aware of the sacrifices he made to raise them. you know how parentified oldest siblings are usually the only ones aware of the abuse and neglect, whereas the younger siblings they raised think their parent is an angel who did no wrong? it's the opposite here.

and [name] getting along better with alhaitham in their teens... you are so right. they would.

i can imagine them fighting like this in alhaitham's home, and when [name] finally gets pissed off enough that they just leave to cool down, kaveh also retreats and stays in his room for a bit. but a few minutes later, when he comes back out, alhaitham is gone.

he left after [name], because a pissed off teen out wandering alone in sumeru and possibly sumeru's wilderness is unsafe.

(i feel like [name]'s anger could translate into ambition. hmm. pyro vision [name], maybe?)

kaveh knows they get along better with alhaitham nowadays, and i think it hurts him so much. but... he also does want what is best for them, and maybe. just maybe he is not best for them anymore.

(little does he know, they cry a lot to his roommate about just... wanting their brother. but not being able to open up to him like they used to because he'll only keep making excuses for their mother. and he'll only keep hurting himself in the process. and they don't want to see him destroy himself.)

alhaitham would validate their feelings more than kaveh would. he believes they should be pissed. he's not good with tears and feelings in general, but he is rather decent when it matters. and it very much matters when it comes to kaveh's mentally and emotionally wounded younger sibling.

i think alhaitham is better for them at this point in their life. and, you know, i feel like... in a way, he could help them learn to be less destructive. because also i feel like [name] is self-destructive in their own way, too. they get pissed and push away the people they love (aka kaveh). and they're hurting themselves in the process, but it's in a less obvious way than how kaveh is hurting himself (all the overworking, constantly doing everything for everyone, etc etc).

alhaitham is so blunt and straightforward and it would be refreshing compared to the mental gymnastics kaveh does to justify what faranak has done. and honestly, the factual truth is that [name] is allowed to be angry. alhaitham knows that and he's very clear about it.

and hear me out--

[name] enrolling in the akademiya, but instead of the expected darshan (kshahrewar or something similar)... they enroll in haravatat. just a thought.

they're probably just kind of mean in general compared to their brother, and i think that comes as a surprise to a lot of people, but i mean... who can blame them?

they need to go to family therapy HELSPDKDHSKGA

[002yb]

Damian: I've got to dads, so I work twice as hard on Father's Day presentations at school.

Bruce: Why would you want another dad???? I'm more than enough!

Damian: ... 🙂

Bruce: ... Damian, you were talking about me, right? I am one of your dads, right??

Damian: 🙂

Meanwhile, Dick and Jason framing a drawing of Damian to put in the living room of their apartment: 😊😊

(Sorry, I love Bruce as a character, but I hate him as a dad)

While I'm not particular about good/bad dad Bruce, I'm positively feral over DickJay being parental figures to Damian LOL. Like, sorry B but step aside for my boys raising their boy omggggggg. <3

Before I get too carried away though, let's just take a little journey to Damian learning about Father's Day for the first time. And at first he's very (・_・ヾ over it because what a useless holiday. Obviously every day is a day to respect your father?? But then he sees from his peers that it's more of a celebration of paternal bonds and having a dedicated time to really reflect on that and express gratitude for all the little things that are often overlooked.

The first person he'd think of would be Dick because like. Bruce might be Dami's father but Dick is his dad. (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ) There's a very special bond there that was hard won. Damian came to respect this man because of Dick's actions as opposed to familial hierarchy.  And Dick is just - very kind. Patient. Caring. Always there, showing up. Dick taught Dami so much on how to be a person and inspires him so much on the sort of man Dami wants to grow to be. Just someone reliable and stalwart, with fortitudinous and steadfast resolve and goodness. FFFFFFFF I've got feelings I can't. (*꒦ິㅂ꒦ີ) Like I don't think Damian would really express all of that, but fuck if he doesn't feel it, you know?

And Jason. Ahhhhh my love for DamiJay will persist always. I love the thought of them meeting in the League. And Jason being a sort of caretaker for Damian that Damian comes to adore and cherish. Because Jason showed him kindness. For a boy who experienced so little of that growing up, I imagine it would leave such a strong impression on him.  It wouldn’t be something he would ever forget.  That kindness persists even after they reconnect, too.  And like.  Jason wouldn’t remember that time with Damian in the League, but the kindness would be the same.  Maybe a little more gruff compared to the protective softness and honesty from his more catatonic state, but Damian would recognize it instantly.  In a heartbeat.  Contrary as Jason can act, it never fails that he’s protective and looking out for Damian.  Be that with his general health or with keeping him safe/well-prepared for the dangerous lives they live.  Jason is dangerous, himself, but Damian knows that there’s nowhere safer for him to be.  Not that Damian needs protecting, obviously, but the point stands.

Just.  These two men would have made such an impact in Damian’s life.  They would do it without any real familial obligation, too.  Damian would recognize that they owe him nothing, but they chose to put up with him anyway.  Regardless of how difficult and ornery he can be, they stay beside him.  And they’re not perfect.  In fact, Damian thinks they’re hopeless in a lot of ways, but they’re good, strong, kind people.  Damian respects them wholeheartedly (though again, he keeps it largely to himself).

So yes.  Father’s day comes around and once Damian understands it, it would become important to him to partake in the tradition.  He would put so much thought and effort into a school presentation that would likely really confuse his classmates and maybe his teacher, too.  Because they’re well aware that Damian is a Wayne so why isn’t he talking about Bruce?  And omgggggg the teacher gently trying to explain that it’s okay that Damian didn’t understand the assignment and Damian just !!! because he understood perfectly.  And then he’d proceed to eloquently defend himself and tell everyone to fuck off and that their critical thinking sucks.  Which would lead to a guardian being called which, multiple scenarios:

1)  Bruce making the visit and having a talk with Damian and having it explained to him that Damian respects Bruce as his father because he’s his biological father, but Dick is different.  So is Jason.  And Bruce having to sit with that and really think about life and children and fatherhood.  Maybe it’d inspire some more effort outside of patrol and whatnot.  (Sorry I’m not very familiar with their dynamic so I’m gonna leave this basic af ahahaha)

2) Dick makes the visit and Damian, uncharacteristic as it is for him, legit slouches in his chair in an attempt to disappear because admin explains what happened.  The ‘misunderstanding’ and Dick just (*꒦ິ⌓꒦ີ) because that’s the sweetest fucking thing he’s ever heard.  It’d catch Dick so off guard but omggggg he’d be wounded with endearment.  So (*꒦ິㅂ꒦ີ) that he would never recover or stop smiling or feeling proud.  And of course he’d back Damian up.  Because yeah, he gets this posh school is traditional with its family values, but that’s just not the case for a lot of kids so.  How disappointing that such a fine educational institution would disparage a kid for having different circumstances in life.  Good to know that nothing has changed since Dick attended xx years ago.  And admin loves Dick even after so much they’d apologize and play their part and then overcorrect and Damian would OTL

3) Jason makes the visit and Damian is equally as embarrassed as per above.  Jason would be very startled over being included as someone Damian counts as a dad though.  The blush would be so soft and sweet and for a bit Jason would be absolutely speechless and (∗∕ ∕•̥̥̥̥∕ω∕•̥̥̥̥∕).  Then he’d throwdown with admin and they’d both get kicked out LOL.

4) Dick and Jason both break down the doors of Gotham Academy and 2 & 3 both happen, but it moreso ends with them getting kicked out.  Surprisingly not because Jason is difficult or combative, but because Dick is (ʘ‿ʘ✿) because someone would inevitably blame Jason and like.  No.  Nope.  Catch these hands motherfu-

Getting back on track here.  No solid end.  Just Damian being a bit shy over being called out like he was.  And Dick maybe walking around looking skyward because no of course he’s not crying; he’s openly weeping these are happy tears wth.  Ngl I think Dick would be the most overwhelmed by everything.  Because his relationship with Damian started so roughly and then became something so amazing.  Then it was taken away when Bruce came back and Dick was convinced that was it.  He thought he was the only one that felt that bond.  And ahhhhhhhh I’ve wounded myself.  Help.  FFFFFFFFF.

Meanwhile Damian would just be like, ‘compose yourself, Grayson.  You’re embarrassing yourself.  And me.’

And Jason would laugh because for real?  Big aww.  It’s not often Dick gets overwhelmed so it’d just be so sweet hahaha.

And yes.  Once they’re both composed (because Jason would be overwhelmed by those heartwarming feelings too, obviously), they would absolutely do the most with all of Damian’s tender affection for them.  (*´︶｀*)

My fav thought is DickJay showing up at Gotham Academy dressed like absolute fools in matching sets of something that they mismatched with each other.  I’m talking embarrassing crop top sweat pants combo and long shirt booty short combo that reads some form of ‘Daddy’ or ‘Dad’ or ‘Damian’s Dad’ while waiting to pick this loser up from school and Damian is just (≡ε≡；)

[pixieslikethat]

Making an unofficial diagnosis for Colonel noodle

(I just realized how fixated I am for noodle boi lol) (Also, not a mental health professional so PLEASE DO NOT USE THIS AS A WAY TO DIGNOSE YOURSELF OR ANYONE ELSE!!!!!!!)

I believe that Colonel noodle (which I will be referring as Noodle from now on) may have Complex PTSD (which will be referred to as C-PTSD), which is a mental health condition that can be developed if you have experienced long term trauma.

I believe that Noodle fits this description very well because of the fact that his trauma is being fed only burgers by his parents, which is explained through his backstory that this has happened throughout his childhood, this is proven when he specifically said, "Even at my own birthday party", proving that this has happened somewhere when he was a minor.

Now lets talk about the symptoms;

(These symptoms may not be accurate to C-PTSD so please don't take this as fact)

In C-PTSD, it is common for people with the condition to experience traits of PTSD along with other symptoms too, making the condition they're experiencing C-PTSD rather than regular PTSD. So I will be going over what symptoms Noodle has, doesn't have, and might have.

Core PTSD symptoms (associated with C-PTSD)-

-Hyper aware of any danger: It would only make sense if I say he does have this symptom, but only because he's the one making the danger in ptr 2 (Parappa the rapper 2), which means it will be downplayed.

-Avoiding Trauma triggers: I'd say this is a situation where he may or may not have this symptom, because of the fact that he does avoid burgers at all cost, even when he has been "changed" at the end of his rap, he doesn't mention anything about burgers, he mentions "noodle sushi". Although before he started a literal war that was made to be against burgers, which isn't avoiding the trigger at all, he also worked at his dad's burger shop, and was supposed to be the owner one day, he doesn't seem to be resistant of it until we finally get to where he explains his trauma, where his tone of voice to everything he's explaining (including where he mentions where he was gonna become the burger shop owner) is in a more negative light. This means that this symptom will also be downplayed.

-Flashbacks: Based on what Noodle's villain backstory literally showing us a flashback his most likely seeing, he most definitely has this symptom, and it will not be downplayed.

Now moving onto to the symptoms of C-PTSD (which is meant to be included with the traits of PTSD)-

-difficulty regulating emotions: I'd say he definitely has this symptom because of how his emotions change in his rap and after. In the beginning, he seems to be pretty determined to show everyone, "Noodles rule the world", and even seems agitated (through facial expressions) that the people he's preaching to don't agree with his point of view. Near the end of his rap, he seems to show remorse for what he's done and even starts to agree that, "many things can be tasty", which he most definitely didn't agree with a few minutes ago. After the rap, he comes out of his villain lair, looking happy, even ecstatic when he's going on a picnic with Parappa and his friends. All of this has shown inconsistent emotions, which can be easily tied back to difficulty regulating emotions, meaning that this symptom will not be downplayed.

-Feelings of guilt or shame: As I just explained, in the end of his rap, he shows remorse for what he's done and even calls himself, "eerie", in one of the verses, this symptom will not be downplayed.

-trouble staying in relationships: I believe Noodle does have this symptom because of one line he says while explaining his backstory, "Even at my own birthday party, *goes on to explain all the type of burgers he ate*, all my friends hated me for that.", this clearly shows that he has some sort of fall out with his friends, if not, then it would've been a tough relationship to maintain, especially with the lack of control he had. This means that this symptom will not be downplayed.

Now what does some of the symptoms being downplayed mean? Does this mean the symptoms Noodle experience that are downplayed don't matter?

Well, not exactly. The symptoms being downplayed mean that Noodle experienced the symptom either in a way that was different than what me and possibly professionals(still doesn't mean that any of what I'm saying can be diagnosable) have in mind, or he rarely experiences the symptom at all.

This doesn't mean that the symptom doesn't matter, because he still experiences it.

Now after going over the symptoms and seeing if Noodle has those symptoms or not, we can safely say that Noodle has experienced each symptom at least once in his life, which only means he experiences the symptoms, this means that Noodle does have C-PTSD.

'Wait! But since Noodle doesn't experience the symptoms in a way that other people with C-PTSD experience it, doesn't that mean he only had traits of C-PTSD?'

Although I do see how people could have this argument, I would have to counteract this with the fact that many people of many diagnoses experience the symptom(s) differently, but still experience the symptom(s). I'll use me and my little brothers' ADHD as an example. Both me and my little brother experience hyperactivity and we both stim to cope with it, but our stims are different and the amount of time spent on stimming are different as well, our fixations are different and so on. Just because someone experiences a symptom differently than most, doesn't mean they aren't as valid in what they experience.

Okay yeah this is the end lol, I just got this idea randomly of just diagnosing my favorite character, and I've been doing this since 6 am sooo yeahh.

Also sources lol:

Okayyy baiiiiii💅💅😎🥺🤡💀🗣🗣🗣🗣💦💦

[transenbyconfessions]

when someone is outright transphobic towards me, it hurts, it's terrifying, but it's at least simple, I think-- you're in danger and it's horrible and you feel unsafe and you know that.

but there's a specific.... grief, a mourning feeling, this sense of incomprehensible loss and isolation, that accompanies supportive transphobia. transphobia that's just... there as an undercurrent. i feel like i'm grieving and i feel unwanted and rejected for my identity and it feels like it's my fault. and i know it isn't, but it's... so hard to internalize.

so far my parents have been supportive of me and because of it i kind of trusted them. and my mom has been making an effort to learn, reading resources I've sent her to try and understand me, and i don't think she gets the non-binary thing very much but she's putting in that effort, she always genders me correctly and uses my new name, she's even helped me research local hrt clinics.

but lately I've been realizing that my dad.... actually might hate that I'm trans. When I came out to him he basically seemed neutral, like he didn't really care or thought it was normal. he says he doesn't understand what it feels like to have an internal sense of gender, and when I said that sounded like something an agender person would say and described it to him, he said, more or less "well that fits me sure, but isn't everyone?" which hurts because i have a really strong sense of gender now and it sounds like he thinks having a gender at all is delusional.

he's neurodivergent and old too so he has a hard time remembering things, and he always uses my deadname and pronouns and gendered titles associated with my agab because of this. he doesn't correct people either way but if he introduces me first it's always as my agab. I always read it as indifference/neglect/lack of care or emotional investment, but.... he was really against me transitioning, he thinks I should be grateful for the body I have, and the potential complications from medical treatment (which he sees as "unnecessary" or cosmetic basically) wouldn't be "worth it." to him.

i kind of....accepted all of this as just... side effects of his age or neurodivergence or of clearly not understanding gender at all. but recently... because my partner is trans and my partner's sister is trans and my dad recently said something that really crossed a line in my head...about how I've "changed" since I started to live with them a few years ago and how he didn't want me to make serious health decisions as part of a "trend". and a few times since then he's expressed gentle distain and distrust for my partner, especially when I try to explain things from my childhood that hurt me, he always says that's something that I think happened to me because of my partner's trauma.

and writing it all out like this it... it really does look transphobic. but he doesn't SEEM transphobic, he never "corrects" other people that use my right pronouns, he at least recognizes my real name, he understands that I want to transition and says it's my decision even if he disagrees with it. he doesn't intend to stop me or treat me worse for it or kick me out or stop financially supporting me or anything. so it feels weird to call him transphobic because he's...still so supportive? just... invalidating and not understanding.... so rather than scared or unsafe that's just this overwhelming grief. that i.... don't think he'll ever see me the way i am. i feel like i'm mourning my relationship with him. it feels alone.

[lovely-cherubs]

𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 𝕆ℂ: 𝔽𝕝𝕪𝕜𝕣𝕒 𝕐𝕦𝕜𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕍𝕠𝕚𝕔𝕖-𝕆𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕤

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Hello: The name's Flykra Yukime, but you can call me Flykra. If you need anything regarding music art, food, writing, etc., you can always reach out to me and I'll do my best to help.

Chat (Love): .... Love huh? I can't remember the last time I ever felt loved ever since my adopted mom and dad we're murdered by the Abyss Mage. On top of that, my biological mom and dad weren't great themselves... but I'm not gonna go into detail about that.

Chat (The Archons): While I don't really like the archons, I don't hate them either. In fact, I'm neutral when it comes to them. However, I can't completely forgive them for the destruction of Khaenri'ah.

Chat (humans/mankind): [scoffs] Honestly, humans in general are just little akumas who don't know what they want. Now, I get that not all humans are terrible, but the majority of them are so narcissistic, egotistical, pessimistic, obsessed with ideologies, morals, and religion, cognitive biases, conspiracy theories, and all of this unnecessary bullshit. Yes, I am aware that I am half human (while also being cursed with immortality), but guess what, calling out the problems of mankind does not make you a terrible person nor does it make you a misanthrope.

When it rains: It's raining! Here take my umbrella, you need it more than I do. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine.

When thunder strikes: Oh goodness please no! I'll take rain, but lightning... forget it, we're going back inside!

When it snows: I love the snow. For some reason, it makes me gain back some kind of memories. The latest memory that I had was me talking and laughing with this woman who was wearing green and gold and also had green hair. I, myself, was blue and kinda white. She was probably around 500+ years like me but I'm not sure.

When the Sun is out: Why don't we take a walk? It's daytime so we can go into the city without feeling threatened.

Good Morning: Good morning! Since its bright outside, why don't we take a stroll around this city.

Good Afternoon: The atmosphere and view tends to be really beautiful in the afternoon. I know, why don't we go get something to eat? Or, we can just go back to my place and I can make you something instead.

Good Evening: It's bound to get dark. We should head home as it's dangerous around this time.

Good Night: Good Night. May you rest well and have sweet dreams.

About Flykra: As you have guessed, yes, I am from the now destroyed and ancient civilization known as Khaenri'ah. I was the only daughter of the Eclipse Dynasty, making my mom and dad emperor and empress. But, after my parents got divorced, my mom was the only ruler.

About Flykra (Weakness): I can't stand being treated like a child let alone get told what to do. All my life I've been treated like a baby that was born yesterday and it grinds my gear to the max. I'm a grown ass adult and therefore, I should be the one who decides what's good for me. Hear me out: this doesn’t mean that I don't/won’t take advice from people from time to time. But, don’t think that just because I take advice from you once that I’m going to take everything you tell me into account.

About Us (Privacy): If there's one thing that I extremely value, it's privacy. I know this may sound weird or unbelievable from somebody like me, but just because I'm famous doesn't mean that I like being watched, followed, or surrounded by people all the time. In fact, I find it rather irritating and invasive.

About Us (Trust): Aside from privacy, trust is also very important to me. Break that and you're a stranger in my eyes. It's like my Margaret would always tell me: “If we don't have trust, we don't have anything.”

About the vision: Well.. actually the story behind it is quite boring, but I'm willing to tell you about it since I was living in Khaenri'ah when I got mine. I had snuck out of the palace thanks to Halfdan, who was completely going against my mother's order to keep me inside since he saw that my mental health wasn't good at all. While I was outside of that awful underground confinement, a group of Treasure Hoarders tried to get me as they thought I had valuables on me. Next thing I knew, a beautiful bright light appeared and my vision was born. And if you're wondering, yes, I kept the vision hidden when I went back.

Something to share (Music): Music has officially become one of the many things I use to escape reality. Music gives me a feeling like no other and it's the reason why I became a singer-songwriter myself.

Interesting Things (Bloodrage): Bloodrage is an ability I was born with that allows me to increase my abilities to max strength when strong acrimonious emotions are present. Unfortunately, this ability has been very difficult for me to control, therefore, I refrain from using it at all times. On top of that, this ability is EXTREMELY dangerous to use when you're not able to control it.

About Albedo: Albedo is a fine gentleman. He's also very intelligent, kind, caring, considerate, and very attractive. I don't know why, but it's almost like he's perfect… (Nervous Chuckle) Please tell me I didn’t just say all of that out loud?

About Jean: That woman works way too hard. She really needs to take a break. At some point, she might end up committing Karoshi like the people in Inazuma.

About Lisa: The librarian is rather good at doing her job & seems to have more patience when dealing with overdue books. If I were her, I wouldn't even bother going to collect those books and instead charge them because let's be honest, if you don't remember borrowing a book, then you shouldn't have one to begin with.

About Kaeya: That smooth-talking knight is a REAL nuisance for me. There are times where I just wanna freeze him or just rip his head off just to show how this man frustrates me. I don't get how Albedo let alone the people in the Knights of Favonius deal with this prick. Besides, it's like what Diluc said “You can only trust half of what he says.” He's really nothing more than a guy who's all bark and no bite, unlike me, who barks and bites.

About Diluc: The only time that I ever see him is either when I'm performing at either the tavern or Dawn Winery. Other than that, I don't really see him often. Though I did hear that he left the Knight of Favonius due to something terrible. I wonde what happened?

About Mona: I've heard of the astrologist. She seems really dedicated to her work. Though I'm not really a HUGE believer in astrology, sometimes I come to her for guidance.

About Chongyun: Ah yes, I remember him. If I remember correctly, he comes from a family of exorcists. I remember first meeting him when I went to Liyue Harbor as someone over there had asked me to compose some music for a celebration. I met him while I was on break and we became friends after talking. He's pretty fun to be around; however, he really needs to lay off the popsicles. I keep warning him that he might get type 2 diabetes and that's I don't have time to arrange another funeral.

About Xingqiu: That bookworm.... to be honest, I don't really hang out with him a lot as he's always glued to those stupid books. Even I wasn't glued to my books THIS much despite having to study my ass of in Khaenri'ah since my mother wasn't very educated. But yet somehow, she managed to run the nation.

About Xinyan: She's an excellent rock n roll player. Everytime I hear her music, I feel like raging and letting out my rebellious side, which is what rock is supposed to make you feel like, but unfortunately, with Liyue being so traditional and orthodox as hell, the people don't realize that. I hope that one day I'll be able to design an outfit for her or something.

About Childe: I have no words for him. I really don't care about that Ed Sheeran looking child trapped in a teenage body. However, if it has anything to do with his siblings or their safety, then I'll get involved and help him. But if it's anything to do with the Fatui, he can figure it out himself. He’s a good brother and all, but that doesn’t excuse his actions and the same goes for the rest of the Fatui members.

About Scaramouche: Exactly why are you asking about my ex? If you want to date him, go on ahead. I could care less. All I'm gonna tell you is that I broke up with him as soon as I found who he really was. Couldn't believe that he kept such a big secret from me.

About Kazuha: The young samurai is rather creative with his poetry. If anything, I think his poetry is a bit better than my poems and novels. I've actually made many songs, composed music, and wrote a lot of novels based on his poems, but I haven't released them to the public. I want to ask him for permission first as I don't want to make money off of them and then get into legal issues.

About Xiao: I feel really bad for the Yaksha. He's been through a lot and deserves better. Sometimes whenever I go to Liyue, I'll see him at Wangshu Inn and he's as reserved as always, but will be willing to talk with me with constant persuasion.

About Yelan: She is quite the secret one indeed. I've actually ran into her a few times while working at my photography company [Yukina]. One time she came to me and asked for a landscape sized frame, claiming that she needed to replace a painting in the Yanshang Teahouse. I agreed and she thanked me, going off to who knows where. I thought that she was your typical lady. However when I saw her somewhere else by accident, trying to give her the frames she asked for, she had a completely different personality. All I would say is don't mess with her unless you have a death wish or something.

About the Nymphs: The nymphs…? That title sounds very familiar to me, but for some reason, I haven't the slightest memory about them. However, I have been gaining my memory recently and in one of them, there were 6 other girls in the area and they were all chatting with one another. However, I can't recall what they were talking about let alone who they were.

More about Flykra I (Art): I love art and everything to do with or related to it. In fact, EVERYTHING in this world is art. I find it ridiculous when people say that you'll never make money with art as without art, so many things wouldn't exist. Heck, the most famous artists made tons of money by just adding sketches and/or paint to paper and making it into something new. By the way, if you want, I can make one for you.

More about Flykra II (Working with People): I absolutely despise people who waste my time. Therefore, people like Kaeya are on my “unreliable” list. When I need something to be done, it needs to be done right then and there otherwise it's becomes of no importance to me.

More about Flykra III (Ethnic Background(s)): I'm multiracial, or in other words, I have mixed heritage. I have Khaenri'ahn ancestry from my mom and Liyuean and Inazuman descent from my father. And although I wasn't born in Mondstadt, I still consider myself a Mondstadter.

More about Flykra IV (Alchemy): I'm actually really good with Alchemy and have a pretty good understanding of it. I'm also really good with technology. After all, I took those classes in Khaenri'ah along with 4 other ones.

More about Flykra V (Food): I LOVE food and I especially love cooking and baking. Everytime Margaret and Felix were in the kitchen, I'd also be there helping them out with whatever they're making. They would always talk about their dream of opening up a [family] restaurant. But… I guess now that dream will never come true.

Flykra's Hobbies: My hobbies? Well, when I'm not assisting Albedo, I work as a singer, songwriter, dancer/performer, photographer, music composer, and even as an author and novelist. All professionally and sometimes as a hobby. You'll often see me perform at the Dawn Winery and the tavern, or moving from place to place taking commissions for composing music and photography. Basically, I'm a very busy person with a busy schedule.

Favorite Food: I like many foods. But I especially love food that's fried and/or has a little bit of spiciness in it. Nothing tastes better than a fried or spicy dish served on a platter. I find it funny when people complain about fried food being too greasy when they can just get a napkin and press it onto the food to take the grease off. A wise person one said and didn't invent the phrase "work smarter not harder" for no reason you know.

Least Favorite Food: Least Favorite Food: I absolutely hate spiders so you can't imagine how freaked out I was when I found out that Albedo eats them. I legit ended up calling Barbara to get him some mental aid. I also don't like onions. Cutting them is a pain in the applebottom for my eyes.

Receiving a Gift I: Oh my! This tastes exquisite! I can tell that you put your heart and soul in this dish. If anything, you might even surpass my level of cooking.

Receiving a Gift II: Hmm… this isn’t too bad. However, it's definitely missing a few things and is especially lacking in flavor. It almost tastes as if you only used salt and pepper as the seasoning.

Receiving a Gift III: Ugh… Blech! Sorry, I-I think I'll pass one this one. How about I make something for us instead?

Birthday: Happy Birthday!!! May you have the best years of your life ahead of you!!! Here, I made this especially for this occasion.

Feelings about ascension (Intro): A fight a day keeps the enemies away. Keep it up!

Feelings about ascension (Building up): Another upgrade? Well then… let's put it to good use shall we?

Feelings about ascension (Climax): We're almost there. Just a bit more practice and will be professionals in no time.

Feelings about ascension (Conclusion): Wow, we really did it. I'm glad you and I could make it this far.

༻𓊈𒆜Combat Dialogue𒆜𓊉༺

Elemental Skill 1: Chill Out!

Elemental Skill 2: You need to cool down!

Elemental Skill 3: Froze your track!

Plunging Attack I: Chilled your spine?

Plunging Attack II: Ice to meet you

Elemental Burst I: Ice on the prize!

Elemental Burst II: Burn in Hail!

Elemental Burst III: I shall not fail Khaenri'ah!

Elemental Burst IV: Know your place!

Elemental Burst V: Out of my way, nuisance!

Opening Treasure Chest I: A well-rewarded compensation!

Opening Treasure Chest II: Hmm… Not bad.

Opening Treasure Chest III: Oh, what do we have here?

Low HP I: Damn you! You'll regret that!

Low HP II: It takes more than that to take me down!

Low HP III: *Growls* If you wanna die then so be it!

Ally at Low HP I: You can’t keep pushing yourself like this!

Ally at Low HP II: Relax! I'll take over from here.

Fallen I: It's just like what happened… back home.

Fallen II: I'm sorry... everyone.

Fallen III: Is this the end of... Khaenri'ah?

[hard--headed--woman]

Hi, sorry to bother you- how did you talk to your family about radfem principles? My mom is a liberal feminist. Particularly on the trans rights issue, I don't know how to feel anymore. One of my friends was significantly more happy when they came out as trans, and so I feel like I see the 'mental health' aspect before my own eyes. I think none of the trans people I know would ever be a danger to women in bathrooms, either. But that being said, I've never had a feminine feeling in my life and I don't think I'm non-binary either (although maybe the knowledge that I'm not is the self-identification??). I think maybe the difference between a gnc woman and a trans man is just profound discomfort with your body from a young age, and maybe then it can be appropriate to live as a woman. But I also don't think lesbians should be shamed for not wanting to have sex with a trans woman either. I'm very stuck at this point and I'd like to talk to my mom about it without looking like a bigot (but if you have any of your own comments to add on this ideological tension please give them).

Hello! I'm glad you came to talk to me about it. I'll try my best to help you, you can send me another ask if you have something to add after that!

I guess it was easier for me since my mom (this amazing woman) shares many of my radfem beliefs. I wouldn't call her a radfem because she's not involved in activism and still disagrees with some radfems ideas, but she agrees with me on trans/gender issues (in the radfem way, not the conservative way), prostitution, porn, and a lot of other things. She has always supported JK Rowling, criticized gender ideology, etc. So when I realized I was gender critical, I just started to talk about it with her and there was nothing complicated. I don't talk about it with my dad, because he's anti gender too but I know we would end up disagreeing and arguing over many gender critical subjects.

The only person I kind of had to introduce my ideas too is my little sister. She has a lot of radfem beliefs, and is critical of a lot of things about gender ideology (she doesn't think lesbians can like trans women for example) so it was easier too, but I still have to be careful because she is still pro trans. To be able to talk about it with her, I just randomly started to ask questions about gender, transgenderism, gender ideology, etc. I would ask her why we should allow trans women in our bathrooms, why was it considered ok to allow kids to transition, why made a trans woman/man a woman/man, etc... And it leads us to conversations, debates, which can be very interesting !

The reason why I say that is because I think that's the best way to start talking about gender ideology/radical feminism with someone who's a TRA/libfem. You can calmly ask questions, say some facts, or innocent sentences. "Calmly" is very important, talk about it like it's just a random conversation and you're just genuinely curious, not like you want to argue. They probably won't think you're a bigot if you just seem genuinely interested and ready to keep the chat friendly, and the debate will be much more pleasant and interesting.

Sometimes (many of my friends) people start agreeing with radical feminism/gender critical feminism thanks to these debates, or they at least learn about the awful sides of their ideology and start to stand up against these, and that's very important ! I feel like we should all have more conversations aboutit with our family, friends...

For the rest, well, I am a GNC lesbian (not out to my family) and I think there's no objective difference between a trans man and a lesbian/GNC woman/ or just woman. There are no criterias, it's just a choice. You decide if you want to identify as trans or not.

Which means women can feel profound discomfort with their bodies, having gender dysphoria, hating being lesbians, etc... without identifying as trans. Some women identify as trans men without feeling any of this. There are no rules. Being trans is nothing but a choice.

What makes you a woman or a man is your biological sex. That's why lesbians can't like trans women - trans women are men.

And to finish this, I believe that yes, at first it can feel better to come out as trans but I don't feel like it really last. At the beginning, yeah, but I think then it makes things worse, because you realize that you will never really be a woman/man no matter how hard you try. Nothing will never be enough. And for trans people, this idea and feeling can be hard to handle. Just my opinion, of course !

Anyway, I don't know your mom, but I think you could just start asking questions, giving your opinion when she replies, calmly, or even play dumb - that works everytime. See where the conversation go then, and you might be able to talk about everything after that.

My box is open of you have other things to say <3

[horce-divorce]

man. Incoming Long Sad Bull Shit but idk where to go with this but my blog. I am in so so much pain and I'm so tired and I'm so nervous to see the U of Mich again this week when they're so terrible....

yes I am in some MALS groups and ostensibly talking to other ppl who understand this hell is validating...

but tbh... lately it's just made me feel worse talking to them sometimes... Like yes they validate that what I'm going through is torture, and impossible to explain to someone else, that it really IS dangerous and I SHOUDLNT be told "you must be dying this much" before someone finally treats it.

but then it just like. throws into relief how bleak this situation is. it's really not gonna get better. it's really gonna keep getting even worse, when it's already so unbearable, and has taken everything from me. this really is A Rare Disorder and nobody wants to touch it with a 50 foot pole. there really is NO solution except a terrifying, enormous abdominal surgery that could just as easily complicate things further. I'm really in this all alone. They really don't get it.

and every single day, every single time I eat, I'm out here fighting for my fucking life, living WITH all this shit but also being my own full time carer, and on top of that I have to do all this other stuff, and traveling, and fundraising, and research, and be an advocate and fight doctors and fight for the care I WILL need in order to SURVIVE this and I'm doing ALL of this. Alone. Nobody helps me with the heaviest of this stuff. My mom is gonna drive part way to Ann arbor and my dad got us a hotel so I can go so there's that kind of help...

But no one's there holding my hand while I'm going thru all this shit. My parents will take me and then drop me at the door. No one's helping me keep track of my results and records and paperwork and contacts and research notes. No one's advocating w me when I'm talking to these shit ass doctors. No one's helping me research or find other alternatives. No one's trying to help me adapt my day to day living situation as it deteriorates- fuck, no one even wants to see that!! They're buying me camping gear!!! They don't!!! Get it!!!!!

I see all these parents in the MALS groups who's kids got sick and they dropped everything to find answers. Am I really so good at hiding my pain that everyone thinks I dont NEED help with this?? Is it because I was so unpleasant in my 20s nobody can deal with me???? My stomach has hurt since I was 8 years old and everyone just keeps saying. Oh. You'll figure it out. You'll be fine. No one hears me. No one hears me fucking sobbing when I have panic attacks trying to eat. No one hears me when I say it's like eating glass, that I'm horrified so goddamn scared to even try because of how much it hurts, but I'm so starving hungry all the time that I have to.

No one sees how close I am to giving up. No one cares enough to be able to handle it. They see the most moderate symptoms and can't even handle that much.

Everyone IRL doesn't get it. They keep saying well intentioned but really off base stuff about like. "Couldn't you still get a job as a driver." when I bring up fears about doing an activity(that end up being right!) They keep mistakenly assuring me "you'll be fine" and then being shocked by how bad things really are when I can't mask it anymore.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do!!! I'm in so much pain. My life is actually in danger from this disorder in so many ways, not least of all on the mental health front. And no one wants to hear it. And my therapist is trying but she's abled and every time I explain how hard it is they're just like "aww :(" like ....!!! That's not what I need either!!!! I've had enough of "aww :((" for at least an entire lifetime!!!!! Please no more!!!!!

I just don't even know what to do with myself. I'm trying so hard to cope like an adult but the truth is that this is reducing me to a scared, babbling toddler in more than one way and nobody in my life can handle it. It's not just the doctors that won't touch me with a 50 foot pole. I'm alone

[dredshirtroberts]

today is my mom's birthday. and i hate her.

i hate her for not being curious or sharing what she did know about our family's health issues. i hate her for not paying attention to her children when they needed her. i hate her for not paying attention to me for decades unless it benefited her. i hate her for having gotten a special super duper surprise birthday theme for her 51st birthday when the very next month for my Actual Milestone Birthday of turning 30 (which my family has always treated as special) i got BLATANTLY ignored on MULTIPLE points in the "evening of festivities" including WHILE EATING MY SPECIAL DINNER (which was a backup option because the whole plan for my birthday i had was thrown out for whatever SHE wanted to plan instead). as in i ate it almost completely alone in a different room because no one wanted to choose to sit with me. For my own fucking birthday.

i hate her for hating herself so loudly and specifically that i know why she doesn't like me. I wear her face better than she does, and she's angry she doesn't think she looks hot and I do. And I can't point out that i look just like her or i risk pointing a mirror at her and going "So you *don't* love me, because i look like all the things you hate". But if I point out I look like any of dad's family i don't because then i'm trying too hard to be a boy which she hates.

i hate her. i hate her for never taking us to the doctor. i hate her.

i hate her because she was supposed to love me. but she didn't.

and now that i've rescinded my love... now what?

i can't call dad if my tire blows out on the highway. I couldn't do that even before I stopped talking to them because of how far away I am now, but... now I really can't. All I'd get is a lecture on how dangerous i'm probably being (even if the reason for the car troubles is in no way my fault, it has to be my fault. it's always my fault.) and told to figure it out for myself once the panic is over.

i've never been able to call my mom for anything.

Ever.

she was never the person i went to. she couldn't be. she probably wanted to be on occasion, but she never did the work either.

In cutting my parents off, i really didn't actually lose anything. the amount of contact i've had with them since i blocked them everywhere last July has been about on par as what it used to be before i stopped talking to them - just without the anxiety of a potential reemergence of them into my life.

and i hate my mother. and there might be a hole in my heart (non-metaphorical, and also non-concerning, somehow). and i hate my mother.

[enchantedmirage]

Therapy Appointment Thoughts

(Doc said I should go start an online blog and journal my thoughts there and I was too afraid to tell her I already had tumblr....)

It was disappointing, she's just mitigating my symptoms than addressing anything. Only had an hour to talk

"It's normal for teenagers to have mood swings"

(Threatens me with going to a psych ward) "Do you know what that is?" (I answer how it keeps the patients /safe/ and monitored)

"Okay let's go over that because you have the misconception that it's pleasant."

UHM???

Well yeah I know that psych wards are an absolutely horrendous place to be, where it's a prison but you have no autonomy at all there now.

"I'm saying this because with your outbursts (that my MOM described, which happened two years ago)— you are a danger to yourself, your family, your friends and classmates."

"You have to learn how to be human."

HELLO???????????

Like there was no mention at all about evaluating how my symptoms could be co-morbidity or that I get depressed because there's an underlying issue that hasn't and still isn't being addressed.

I'm not that upset with her though because of course, this comes with the industry and dealing with personal or deepseated issues like these can suffer in a systematic industry based on "taking care of it".

And also she has a right to deattach herself from her patients as that can also affect her mental health, for someone who appears young as her (like mid to late 20s) she seems to have a lot of experience on her belt, and also really professional about it.

She positively reinforced me when I raised my hand to ask for my turn talk!!

My mom was complaining about her secretary being money hungry www, like how I asked to throw some trash and she said "oh it's outside" but after I bought some confectionary she offered to throw the waste I got.

BUT she seemed nice and I don't want those worries to taint it.

She did witness me pace around the room all anxiously while my mom was left alone to tattle about my former violent self to the therapist.

Like yeah I understand why she said that I'm a danger.

For context when I was 14 I had a breakdown, made a mess of my room and got into a struggle with my mother who I almost stabbed <- I am aware that this is a public space but like, it happened quite a long time ago

But I was thankfully stopped and got to cry it out with my friend over call who suggested I get help (cue my very first attempt at professional help getting thrown in the dumpster because my mom didn't see any improvement ww)

No but like my violent self stemmed from my mother also being violent towards me (she did grow milder as my brothers were born)

(cw: mentions of violence, I'm basically just dumping here because I'm salty that my mom got like thirty minutes to talk to my therapist while I had FIVE— ??@?? Ten if you count the time when my mom was also present with me)

She hit me with coathangers all the time, threatened to use my dad's belt, made me kneel on both peas and then rock salt.

When she caught me on my phone she doesn't remember that she almost threw a laptop at me and would have blamed the damage on my behaviour, threatened to stuff a phone into my mouth and almost was successful with it.

Oh hey! Repressed memories bubbling up, no thank you!

She doesn't remember stuff like calling me a piece of garbage and that I should tattoo it on my forehead so people would know (it was ~sarcasm~) or taking a picture of my knees after I kneeled on the peas/salt and saying how embarassing it would be to post online (oh but she didn't go through with it, did she?)

And those are just the physical things, all the little dismissive and blatantly derogatory comments she said to me just pile up eventually.

But she's changed a lot now, and doesn't do it much anymore.

You know what I take from that? Cycle of abuse, because my grandma did that too to her. It's hard for one person to be able to break from generational abuse after all.

[coolfire333]

I wish alcohol wasn't treated so lightly by American society. My friends and family will have like one or two drinks on special occasions or just on a night out with friends, to the point where I have trouble remembering when the last time my parents or I had a single drink of alcohol. But then I'll look over at my boyfriend and his group of friends and family and they're having like 4 drinks a night AT MINIMUM and many of them get sick from it frequently.

There are some people my boyfriend knows in his circle that don't drink much, but one of them is his dad who hasn't drunk any alcohol for a long time because he used to be an addict and has renounced it and I wish that that fact would make him question his drinking more. Because my boyfriend is almost the only one in his family who doesn't get drunk until the point of illness on a semi regular basis but I'm still so worried he is already an alcoholic with the amount that he drinks regularly. And a friend in my friend group seems to be struggling with alcohol use as well.

People I know and he know even joke about drinking excessively or about alcoholism sometimes like it's some kind of game or like it's harmless and totally not something they do but they must be so in denial of how they are already misusing alcohol, and this all really worries me about what'll happen to them later in life.

Please if you're in your teens or twenties like me just know that drinking isn't cool, it's not hip or trendy or something to fool around with when you've got nothing better to do. It's not a crutch in social situations, it's not supposed to be your comfort after a long day, it's not something you should feel pressured to do and if anyone makes you feel that way then you should have a serious talk with them because that is not ok.

Drinking is something you should approach with caution because it is a vice that is very much unhealthy for you mentally and physically if not partaken in in moderation and I really think that people my age do not understand that. I sound like a prude but that's because it is so easy imo to become an alcoholic especially with how flippant society treats alcohol use.

There were addicts in my family who died from complications of alcoholism so please I am begging you guys to take this seriously it is so so bad for you mentally and a danger to your physical health if you abuse it, please be careful because I care about you and someone else cares about you too

[iloveimaginarypeople]

Tropes + My Selfships

Ok so I had an idea at 3 am (the best kind of idea) and I'm writing my selfships with all the fanfic tropes I like. Or even just tropes I know.

First up is Hanahaki disease because it fucks severely (or at least my version of it does, imo). In my canon hanahaki disease is an opportunistic fungus that feeds on the hormones released by infatuation, particularly unrequited infatuation for... reasons. Suspend your disbelief idk.

Steve wasn't sure why this was happening. At this point he was fuzzy on when it started, he could barely narrow down a month. Which was weird because he'd think he'd remember when something this strange started happening to him.

It didn't seem related to what happened earlier this summer, at least. He was pretty sure. Of course, it happened the same month, but he just didn't think it was that.

If it was, it'd be spores and not petals.

When it first happened, he tried to cover it up. It was just one little coughing fit toward the end of the day, and a few petals came up, wet with spit and kind of crumpled. It was weird but not too bad.

Then it was a few little coughing fits scattered across the day, a few petals surfacing each time. It was gross and freaky but still, managable.

Steve didn't mention it to his parents when they stopped by. Why bother? They'd just say the same things he was telling himself. Or his dad would think he was on drugs. Or think it even more, he guessed.

But he had to ask someone what was happening to him, just in case it was like, a real thing. Like some species of flower did this and he had to go to a hospital.

His thoughts turned to Teddy very quickly. She would believe him, and he'd seen the kind of dedication she had to getting to the heart of a problem and fixing it. If anyone could help him, it was her.

So here he was, at her house- the one in Chicago, with Murray.

"You have got to be kidding me, Harrington," she said.

"Uh... no, not kidding," he said. "What, you know what this is?"

"Dude it's weird you don't know," Teddy said. "Hanahaki disease? First documented case like, centuries ago or something? It's a fungal infection that mimics flowers and feeds off human hormones and amino acids."

"Hold on this thing is eating me? Like from the inside?"

"...No," Bernie said. "But it's pretty curable. You take some meds to suppress the hormones feeding it and then get a quick surgery, clears up in like three weeks. Should be pretty affordable for a rich guy like you." Kid of a rich guy, thanks, I lost my job slinging ice cream.

"Is there another option?" Steve asked. "My dad was pissed that he had to pay the paramedics who patched me up at Starcourt, he's not gonna want to shell out more cash because I got... what, Haki?"

"Hanahaki," Teddy corrected him. "And the other option seems to be resolving the cause of the disease." Or waiting it out but that was a dangerous game.

"The cause? It's a fungus."

"No, the fungus is just an opportunist that latched onto an ideal source. The cause is the hormones that attracted the fungus," Teddie said. Steve didn't seem to show any recognition. "You seriously didn't learn about this in health class?"

"I didn't go to health class, I was too busy doing the things they were talking about in health class," Steve said. He had that cheeky smile he wore when he thought he was being funny. Teddy smiled against her will, a tic-like twitch at the corner of her mouth.

"Good for you. I learned that Hanahaki disease infects people with an abundance of the infatuation hormones. Particularly when someone's in love with someone who doesn't love them back. That's why it's called the love disease or love sickness sometimes." Shit. Love? Did that mean he was in love? Fuck.

Was he really surprised?

Of course that was it. The timing was perfect. He got it a little while after he realized he was in love with Teddy.

And apparently she didn't love him back. Which also didn't surprise him, because lately it felt like he was the guy who helped women realize they could do a lot better.

"So... wanna tell me who it is?"

"What?"

"No you're right that's stupid," Teddy said. "It doesn't matter, that's your business." Plus it'd probably break her heart, just a little bit, to hear that he was still in love with Nancy Wheeler.

She'd thought she had a chance before, in that bathroom. And then right before they split up, the way he looked at her... it felt like they were about to kiss. She wished she'd just gone for it. She wished she'd stopped to talk to him on that curb instead of grabbing her dad and taking him home, too.

If she'd done that, maybe he wouldn't have this. Maybe he'd love someone who loved him back.

Then again if he was still in love with Nancy so long after they broke up, Teddy probably couldn't change that. It was dumb and kind of narcissistic to think she could.

*

Well that's part one. There's two more for Turn My World Upside Down and then some homosexuality is well overdue.

[gentrychild]

How do you feel about early OfA reveals, especially to Aizawa? Personally I don't like them much, because I think there's too much of a risk especially with how young and inexperienced Izuku is. There's so many ways telling a near stranger who has almost unlimited access to the kid could go very, very wrong.

I don't even like OFA reveals at all so you can guess my opinion about early ones.

I'm about to rant a bit but there is a trope that is awfully common in media and that I can't stand and it's "I must reveal my secret to my friends because if I don't, it means I don't trust them and I am lying to them." It drives me up to the freaking wall. People have a right to keep their secrets and setting boundaries is a necessity for one's mental health. I will even add that there are circumstances where lying to your friends is okay. It's kinda the reason why society exists.

Now, to answer your question.

I am under the firm belief that everyone should feel free to write whatever they want but in the concept of fics, it's better to tag what you intend to to or to put it in the summary so readers know what to expect. For example, I have no objection to someone writing All Might bashing, as long as they tag it so I know how to avoid it.

However, I dislike Aizawa being told what OFA is early, both in the context of fandom trope and storytelling.

When I see Aizawa being told what OFA is, there is often a note of "All Might, what the hell didn't you tell us he received a quirk on the day of the Sport Festival? The training we would have given him would have been completely different if you had been honest from the start!" and/or Aizawa helping Izuku reach Full Cowl earlier to limit the bone breaking.

First, I personally don't like the fandom trend of undermining Dadmight to give more place to Dadzawa. Izuku deserves all the dad. There is no need to criticize one to have the other.

Second, revealing the secret of OFA is not only useless, but dangerous. Not only could the same thing be achieved by simply saying that Izuku is a late bloomer (which has to be in his file since he changed his denomination in the quirk registry after the entrance exam) but it shouldn't even make a difference. It's not normal to look at a kid who keeps being seriously injured by his quirk and think "He had ten years to figure it out so there is nothing more I can do. Better to tell him to eventually figure it out." No matter when Izuku first started using his quirk, the lessons should be the same.

Worse, revealing OFA to Aizawa or anyone is so dangerous that it gives me a headache. Before we are even aware of the resident overpowered sociopath who has been systematically killing all OFA holders, All Might excepted because he ripped off his arms and face first, this is still the only transferable quirk in existence whose power would eventually make you as strong than the freaking Symbol of Peace. People will want it and that will put Izuku in serious danger, especially back when he couldn't control the quirk yet. And the sad truth is that the more people know, the more chance this secret has to be blown into the open.

So lying about the quirk is best. Either a "I"m a late bloomer", "This is a random mutation so my parents can't help me" and "It's not a strength quirk but some kind of weird energy manifestation quirk, which explains why it manifests in different ways" would be better than the truth because when you're in danger, lying to protect yourself is an imperative.

Third, Aizawa is not the person to go to when one wants to handle OFA problems. Despite what fanon likes to think, he probably wouldn't know how to help Izuku with his quirk, unlike Gran Torino. He doesn't have an enhancer quirk, he never helped Izuku in canon which probably means he can't, and the fact that he kept expelling his students doesn't give me much trust in his ability to teach them how to use their quirks.

There is also the fact that Aizawa isn't trusted by Izuku. From the first day, Aizawa has settled as a threat when it comes to Izuku staying in UA. Being expelled is a very real risk with him. So I don't see them having the level of trust required for Izuku to reveal his secret to him. And if it's someone else doing the reveal... Well, it's a proof that Izuku shouldn't trust people with his secret because he can't control the information once they are aware of it.

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

(TW: mentions of death threats, suicide mention)

Here is a short version of this post for people who struggle with long text posts.

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Here's a hug for everyone who receives death threats (or messages urging you to kill yourself) by online trolls.

When we think about death threats, we often picture the letter made of newspaper clippings and a picture of you with the face cut off. We can easily imagine what receiving one of those does to a person: You wouldn't feel safe anymore.

You'd likely feel terrified every time a new letter arrives. What if it's another threat? You might jump every time the phone rings because it might a voice saying "I am outside your door". You would suddenly not trust anyone anymore, constantly look around if there is anyone in a dark corner waiting for you or wonder if someone you trust and love is behind it. Even your best friend inviting you over suddenly sounds potentially deadly. You might have nightmares, feel helpless and alone, wonder what you've done to deserve this...

Compared to that, death threats by random online trolls may seem harmless and like something we should be able to laugh off. It may be some random 14-year-old in another country who doesn't even know your name and has no intent of ever actually doing anything - but even when the threat is fake, the emotional consequences are real and we need to talk about them.

The threat is less "tangible" than in the letter scenario and your reaction to it may be as well. You may not actively think about danger or even give much thought to that message at all. You may just roll your eyes and think "Ugh, what an A-hole!"... but your brain and your body literally have no other job than keeping you alive and safe. They will react to any threat. So, you may just let out a frustrated sigh and delete yet another "Go kill yourself" in your inbox - and hours later you lay wide awake at night, wondering why your heart is pounding. You may feel like being on social media causes "random" waves of sadness and anxiety or like you used to be excited when you got a new message but now you dread that little notification.

Death threats take a toll on your mental health (and it can be especially hard on people who already struggle with depression, anxiety or trauma). It's not you being overdramatic! Those emotional consequences are real, even when the threat is fake. Online trolls may be so common that online death threats are almost normalized - but it doesn't mean that facing a potential threat to your life is a normal situation for your body to be in.

Many of the usual self-care tips for dealing with anxiety or healing from traumatic situations also apply to this situation (i.e not only the "treating yourself to little luxeries" but also the "building your own mental `toolbox` of coping skills and resilence tools" kind of self-care). It's not silly or over-the-top to purposefully set aside time and energy to protect your mental health.

It's also okay if you feel like you can't deal with it by yourself and need help to cope with it.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[trulyhumblenarcissist]

Abourt Rei Himura and BNHA Chapter 301

Now that I've read the official release of chapter 301 I can finally try to gather my thoughts. I think this time the particular rendition of dialogues and inflections provided by Caleb Cook is more crisp and clear than usual, especially in throwing "shade" upon Endeavor as a father figure. But let's do things in order...

Title: THE WRONG WAY TO PUT OUT A FIRE - a simple, but stark message that doesn't leave space for ambiguity. There was a fire, an imminent tragedy that could and should have been avoided, but whoever tried to fix it, did it all wrong and now we have to deal with a huge arson.

CARLESS HANDLING OF FIRE, on the other hand, doesn't quite cut it for me, because it seems like everything was caused by a foolish mistake. "I was carless and now I'm in a pinch"- type of situation, while it's perfectly clear that Endeavor and Rei decided purposefully which "strategy" to use with Touya. A BAD one to say it lightly. Rei's contribution and complicity is debatable, of course, and I'll touch on this later.

Let me get this clear though: I'm not trying in any way to critique the hard work of unofficial translators. I can't say anything relevant because I'm not a translator in the first place (I can barely understand English and my native language on a good day) and also because I am so grateful for everything they do in order to give us really good material FREE OF CHARGE basically a second after the release in Japan. I'm just interested about the different shades of subtext we can catch if we read the story through multiple filters. Every translation is unique because it carries the personal spin of the author even if the bias should be inexistent or ideally undetectable...

However, back to the chapter

REI'S CAGE

The first scene opens on a luxurious classic Japanese villa, with Enji, Rei and her parents discussing the motivation behind Enji's proposal. Or at least we initially think that's what's going on... Because in reality Rei's family couldn't care less about the motivation. Everything these people see is a wealthy, famous guy the next number one hero ready to take their daughter in marriage. I guess the Himuras are pretty broke, thight on cash, their old prestige is definitely gone and all they can do to save themselves from shame and poverty is "to sell" their only remaining asset.

During the whole ordeal, Rei is standing still, silent, cold as ice. She knows she doesn't really have a choice. How mortifying and sad is this? An adult, capable woman has no agency whatsoever, she is used again and again and she stoically accepts this treatment from every single dominant figure in her life until she can't be stoic anymore. I really hope Horikoshi's going to give her a much more proactive role in saving her family and it seems the narrative wants us to expect this type of character development.

I'd like to point out 2 panels in particular:

First one

In this scene the Todorokis are back from their trip to the doc, who clearly said they shouldn't try to conceive a child with a perfect quirk mix because it is dangerous (and morally questionable too). Rei understands this fact and tries to dissuade Enji, but he doesn't listen, because he's projecting all his pent-up resentment and frustration onto Touya. He knows how it feels to crush against an unbreakable wall, since he can't surpass All might and his son can't too. He had to learn this truth the hard way, so Touya needs to do the same. Enji is purposefully throwing upon his son years of failures, self consciousness and despair, just because the boy has to get it into his thick skull that he is a dud, just like his father. This is not a hopeless dad making a mistake bona fide, this is a broken man trying to destroy his self reflection by proxy, annihilating everything Touya is, swiping the kid's identity under the rug. He describes his son's dreams and sadness as something birthed from stubbornness. He is auto-convincing himself however (because Endeavor is not stupid). A little bit later he's basically saying: "Touya let's play make believe! We can go on like everything I had engulfed in your psyche never existed, you're a failed attempt so you don't exist. Your needs and wants are silly and useless, nothing worth dealing with now that I can't make you my prodigy. Why don't you go play with the other failures so that I don't have to look at myself while taking actually care of you. I don't want to see you, because it's too painful, because you're a remainder of my own inadequacy."

Note: If you want to read an incredibly well done analysis about Endeavor's motives and psyche, you can get it on @thyandrawrites , she's dwelt on everything extensively and way better than me.

I really want to talk about Rei though. In the panel I showed above, her expression is a bit tricky to analyse. At first she is very vocal about her position. She doesn't want to put Touya through useless suffering, especially since they have a scientific reason not to. They have no guarantee of success with other children, besides, they could possibly have to deal with other health related issues. However, all it takes to convince her in the end is Enji's half assed attempt at the "It's for Touya's sake" shtick. Is it really? Why doesn't she question her husband anymore?

Well... I think before Natsuo, she was probably hoping Touya would let go "naturally", with time and growth, maybe by taking interest in his other siblings. Rei said she wanted to have more children because in her mind they would have supported and loved each other. Maybe she was naive enough to think that a big family full of kids few years apart from each other was all Touya needed to distract himself from his purposes... BUT and here is the point I want to get across: She was deluding herself too, much like Enji. The ugly truth, in my opinion, is that Rei is a person prone to protect herself by going with everything other people want, especially if said people are capable of hurting her. Yes, she was hurt time and time again, but what would have happened if she really tried to stop Enji?

What I am trying to say is that Rei is the kind of person who endures to survive. She holds a "captive" mentality in which, by indulging her captor's desires, she can continue living with less possibile damage. If I stay still and silent, if I don't make a scene, I can go on, I can hold onto the few things I have that actually make me happy.

Let's think about it... Enji was so obsessed with his psychotic, power-hungry quest that he would have probably disown Rei. She would have been thrown away for a more compliant woman with an ice quirk, or something similar, this resulting in her probably losing everything, the respect and love of her family (the Himuras) and also her own children. Because we know Endeavor can definitely hold a grudge and is vendicative.

So, clarifying, Rei doesn't put up a fight because she is scared for herself in a way... She is scared to be hurt in the worst possible way (by losing her little bit of serenity), so her strategy is to endure and to keep up a facade of control and purpose.

Rei, ironically just like Touya and other characters in mha, doesn't really get what unconditional love is. Her family loves her until she can be useful to the Himura name and status, her husband loves her for her quirk. Her children, however, love her for who she is and she wants to stay with them... Only to be forced to leave them later anyway.

The few times Rei actually smiles are when she is with her babies. She is a deeply loving mother in her core, but her declining mental health makes her a very lacking caregiver.

This panel, in my opinion, shows the point of no return for Rei. She can't keep the glacial facade forever...

After Natsuo's turn to be deemed a failure, Endeavor is crazier than ever, because All Might is as popular and loved as ever and he hasn't make any progress into his eugenetic games. The last two images of Rei are very telling. She is exhausted, but she knows what her husband wants from her this time too. She looks like a lifeless doll and honestly I can easily see Shouto's conception as... Non consensual and I will stop here.

Then Shouto is born, the last, perfect specimen... And Rei isn't doing much for Touya, we can see she's apparently blind towards her eldest son's distress already after Natsuo's birth... But why?

Because she is actively avoiding to face the Touya's problems too.

If Touya is still suffering, is still feeling stressed and worthless, then everything Rei has endured, everything she pretended not to feel for the sake of her family has been completely useless. What Rei cannot look at is her own parental failure, is the concrete proof that while protecting herself and her peace she did not protect her children too, because the two interests were never really aligned, even if she really believed so. She never had a functional family to preserve in the first place and everything she accepted to do was all for the sake of a false sense of belonging.

However is too easy to say she should've rebelled against Enji and dumped his sorry ass. Abuse traps you and your abuser too in a cage tricky to escape.

What I imagine will happen next chapter is one of two things:

Enji stops Touya by using brute force, probably also saying something really scarring to reinforce the notion that Shouto is the only child he cares about.

Rei stops Touya by using her quirk. This act could be considered by Touya another confirmation that even his mother actually does something by her own accord only when Shouto's safety is at risk

Necessary conclusions

I don't blame Rei for her actions too much. She is a victim turned abuser by circumstances, but more importantly she's actually taken mesures to prevent herself from hurting her children again. She's trying to heal for her family's sake, really this time. Ten years spent dealing with guilt and having actual therapy seem a good plan to me. And now she's the one ready to snap Enji back to reality.

Enji, on the other hand, is trying too. It's too little too late, but if he stops avoiding reality and hardly works on understanding his family's point of view I don't think he is completely unredeemable. I don't see him surviving his last confrontation with Touya, thought... But I could be totally wrong.

Obviously everything I've said it's my personal analysis on Rei's character, as I interpret her actions and words, so feel free to contradict me and/or to add anything you might see fit.

[charrwybie]

(I've seen this interview meme floating around the tag and it looks super fun so here it goes! Wyatt is not my Commander, but he's still a fun character who WOULD have fans bc he's in a band! Used to do ballet!)

INTRODUCTION

- Can you introduce yourself?

I'm Wyatt Epping - Wybie for friends! I play bass in a rock band with my friends.

- What is your gender identity, orientation and relationship status?

I'm a guy, bi, and not... availa-bly. That was Awful, sorry about that. Not looking to be in a relationship right now, either, I have some healing to do before I'm ready to try again, found that out the hard way.

- Where and when were you born?

We - mom and me that is, assume in Lion's Arch because that's where she found me as a newborn cub some twenty years ago.

- What is your weapon of choice and fighting style?

I prefer to not fight, but when I have to, I prefer my staff or greatsword, and an axe for when things get close. My aunt calls me a powerhouse and I'm usually last still on my feet so I guess I'm good at dancing around the danger and hitting hard when I need to.

- Lastly, are you happy?

Yeah. Yeah. Getting there at least! I've gone through some shhhhoot that made me not happy for a long time, but I'm getting there again! Feels good.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

- What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?

(Wyatt laughs) I have a big and weird family by a lot of standards. I'm sure you're thinking that Epping doesn't sound like a charr name and you'd be right! I was raised by my mom, Norma, a human woman, in Lion's Arch so I definitely don't have like a charr upbringing, or a charr name even. I also have another mom who's a charr but not the one that birthed me, and a step-sister who's about the same age as me. Then there's my dads who aren't really my dads but kinda are -- it's a long story, but we're happy. Close! I love them very much and am definitely a momma's boy and a family boy.

-Have you ever ran away from home? 

No. Well yeah, when I was like four and mad about something and I got all the way to the other side of the street before running back to hug my mom and cry that I missed her.

-Would you consider marriage or having children? 

Marriage, definitely, with the right person, I -- think I want that, but it's also scary right now. Kids? No thanks. Thought I wanted some, but nah, turned out to be some misplaced emotional shenanigans. Kids are great, but not for me.

-Do you secretly hate one of your friends?

I wouldn't waste time being their friend if I did, I don't think. I can be a polite boy and act civil in any company, but I'm not gonna be friends with someone I don't like. What's the point?

-Which friend knows everything about you? 

Ordell, who is also in the band - he grew up with me and my sister and we were like an inseparable triple trouble trio, and he was kinda like our little brother but not really. Still is the same. He's the kind of friend I can talk about anything with, or just sit quietly, and it's just... comfortable. Cozy.

ASKED BY FANS  

-Are you literate? Have you been to school?

Is this a joke about bassists being dumb? Yeah I'm literate, have been to school in Lion's Arch, and did real good there. I liked school and studying and would work on ballet flexibility while doing my homework; hobbies, no matter how serious, never were more important than learning.

-The eeriest prediction you made that later came true?

Hmmm. I don't know if anything like that's happened? My mom used to call me Stormlord because I used to predict thunderstorms and lightning strikes as a kid; does that count? She was amazed that I didn't become an elementalist.

-What is something you were embarrassingly late to realize?

You know what, PROBABLY a lot of things, but I can't think of an example.

- Do you have mental health or physical issues?

Both, haha... I have seasonal allergies, a permanently injured knee that ended my hopes of dancing professionally, depression that came with THAT, aaaand PTSD from a different kind of trauma. I'm healing, though!

- What is your current main goal?

Just... To have fun! And to get a griffon, that's what I'm working on right now. We'll see, a lot of animals don't like me, and I really don't know why. I think I'm cursed or something. Let me tell you, it's not fun out there when seemingly every animal ever seems to have a personal beef with you, specifically. And I'm not talking about wildlife, I'm talking about cows and chicken and like generally friendly things.

CHOICES:

- Drink or food?

Food, unless my sister made it, in which case probably neither.

-Cats or dogs? 

Both! I grew up with both and currently have both - I have a cat called Silly - Cilantro, really - and a dog called Potato.

-Early bird or night owl? 

A little more of a night owl, I guess, though not really that either. I like sleeping.

-Optimist or pessimist? 

Optimist. Trying to be real hard at least! Mostly it's working!

-Sassy or sarcastic? 

Depends on the day and company I guess. Not a lot of either.

HAVE YOU EVER:

-Been caught sneaking out

No, but sneaking back in, yeah! (Laughs) I'd come home too late from parties or something drunk before I was supposed to be drinking and inevitably mom would catch me because I'd always get sick, or be way noisier than I thought, or, you know, both. I try to not drink enough to get that drunk anymore.

-Broken a bone

Kneecap, yeah, when I goofed my entire knee. Some toes, I think? Amazingly not anything bigger than that though.

-Received flowers

Yeah! From friends and family and dates, and fans too. I like flowers, am very allergic to some of their pollen though, haha!

-Ghosted someone

Well, yeah. Sometimes deservedly, sometimes it's been me panicking and being shitty as a result-- aw rats, there goes a coin in the swear jar... But yeah, I have.

-Pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get

Oh for sure. Sometimes I don't have to pretend because I'll just laugh at myself not getting it!