#i am also annoyed and frustrated because a lot of my time is spent doing nothing because there is no schedule

[hyah-lian]

.......

[limewatt]

video games my love, why must you hurt me

[inkskinned]

this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.

it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?

it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.

as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.

on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.

and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.

and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.

as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.

[kissingmilfs]

dream devil girl!au | natasha romanoff

summary: reader and natasha are natural born enemies it feels like at this point. defying the odds of a collegiate level jock and cheerleader having something in common. yet all the constant bickering leaves you both frustrated. always for more than you can chew off. sequel to 🌫️

cw: bullying (sorta), one (1) slap, degradation, pet play-ish, name calling, 18+

a/n: i didn’t include any pronouns for reader but i am afab! so that’s the pov i’m on <3 i used mostly non-gendered type nicknames. also sought guidance doing final pieces on this fic layout from my gf’s @pocolottie fic layouts <33

⛓𓌹*♰*𓌺⛓

you’re storming off somewhere upstairs in the sorority’s huge mansion. you’d only agreed to come to this stupid speed dating event because your entire friend group wanted to be supportive of kate. she was stepping out of her comfort zone. friendship solidarity or whatever.

you didn’t mind that a few sorority girls spent most of their times trying to flirt and get your number. it was flattering, certainly a welcomed ego boost. what you did mind was a certain aggravating voice the entire evening making snide remarks your way. scoffing and rolling her green eyes every time another girl floated your way.

natasha, annoyed with the constant attention you were receiving, made up some lie to all of the girls. she told them some bullshit story of you breaking some freshman’s heart and sleeping with her fucking roommate! one of the sorority girls even threw her champagne in your face.

all you heard was natasha’s snickering and a group gasping, before you pushed through the crowd to escape. now you’re in some guest bathroom upstairs washing the sticky residue off your face. you’re mumbling underneath your breath the entire time. calling natasha heinous and foul names you’d never repeat to anyone else. swearing every couple words because you’re so fucking pissed off.

once your face is dried, you swing open the bathroom to see natasha standing in front of the door with her arms crossed. she looks angry. the audacity for natasha to feel any negative emotion in this situation. you don’t even bother acknowledging natasha or even uttering a word. instead, you attempt to brush pass natasha, but the girl forcefully pushes your shoulder back.

“get back inside the bathroom.”

you blink your shock at natasha’s firm statement. she seems extremely serious about it too. her tone harsh and demanding.

“you’re out of your fucking mind. get out of my way.”

“or what? you’re gonna cry and run away? you already did that and it was pathetic. just like you.” natasha basically spits out her words at you, resentment laced with each one.

you roll your eyes. that is one of natasha’s favorite words to use for you. pathetic. she really sees you as some second class citizen. someone below her. you’re the lowly, dumb jock and natasha’s the pretty, smart, and talented cheerleader everyone loved. except for you. natasha always fucking had an attitude around you. always scoffing, rolling her eyes and even sneering your way. one day you had to ask wanda if you smelled bad from soccer practice.

you stare down at natasha. the girl is a lot of bark for someone whose a few inches shorter too. an evil smirk spreads on natasha’s lips. as if natasha read your mind.

“i will scream bloody murder and humiliate you even further. get back in there. now.” natasha basically barks her order at you and something inside of you snaps and lulls you back into the bathroom.

natasha’s smirk returns once more as you follow orders. she mirrors your footsteps, crossing the threshold of the bathroom. natasha immediately locks the door.

“see? old dogs can learn new tricks. good puppy.”

you open your mouth to protest, only getting out, “na-“ before natasha’s palm makes contact with your skin, a sharp sting remaining.

“you don’t speak until i tell you to. not after what i heard you say about me in here. you’ll listen like the mutt you are, okay? nod if you understand.”

you grind your teeth down, holding the pained cheeked, desperately wanting to snap back at natasha. but whatever that lulled you into the bathroom—it also kept you quiet and obedient. so, you nod your head while glaring at natasha.

natasha beams almost triumphantly with smile that looked sincere. natasha leans forward and pats your head.

“good dog! you’re too dumb anyway. i should punish you even more honestly. that slap was nothing. you’ve earned a hundred by now. but…mommy can start us off on a clean slate.”

you cock your head to the side, wondering what the hell natasha is ranting about. failing to understand what’s shifting between you two.

“don’t worry too much about it, mutt. i’m not here to use your brain. i’m afraid that’s long gone. remember that party two months ago when we fought the entire way there and then they locked us in the van…” natasha trailed off, as she looked over at you sitting on the closed toilet bowl.

heat rushes into your face at the sudden trip down memory lane. of course you’d remembered it. you convinced yourself for the next two months that it wasn’t the best sex you’d ever have. you even fought harder to convince yourself you didn’t enjoy natasha taking full control. i nod my head at natasha question. natasha rolls her eyes.

“yeah, of course you do. you were a pathetic whining bitch in heat. anyway, it had me thinking and wondering, why you decided to fuck half the female body population in that time? every fucking practice all i can from the girls’ mouths is y/n this and y/n that. as if you weren’t begging me to fuck you that night. clawing at my back, so desperate to be fucked and used. have you even let anyone touch you like that since then?”

you swallow thickly, squeezing your legs at the aching feeling natasha’s words left in your cunt. she mastered the language of dirty talk. her raspy, low pitched voice adding a delicious twist to them.

natasha commands, “speak, mutt. i asked you a question.”

“no. no, i haven’t let anyone touch me like that since.”

“mhm…when was the last time?”

“the last time what?”

“you’re so fucking painfully obtuse. the last time someone touched your greedy pussy.” natasha plainly said, as if the conversation were boring her.

you chew your lip nervously, knowing natasha will easily catch you in your web of lies. or completely humiliate and mock you with the truth. you close your eyes shut, dropping your head.

“it’s been a while…like maybe two years…”

natasha’s face immediately upturns into the most wicked grin she’s ever produced. your answer fills her with a sense of pride and accomplishment. what a beautiful, beautiful addition to natasha’s ego this was. natasha knows the game is afoot. she’s already made you her bitch. there’s nothing else to be done or said.

all you hear is the click of the bathroom lock, cueing natasha’s exit.

[alaskasmonsters]

𝖕𝖚𝖑𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖕𝖎𝖌𝖙𝖆𝖎𝖑𝖘 (michael kaiser)

pairing: michael kaiser x gn!reader

contents: playful insults, teasing, mistaking attraction for hatred, foreign language (french), enemies to lovers (hinted)

w/c: 1.842

summary: when you accompany your friend noel to blue lock you did not consider that kaiser, aka the bastard’s most infamous asshole, would be there, too. luckily your favourite pastime activity was throwing french insults into his face that no one but noel could understand.

a/n: this is based on a request i got :) this isn’t really love-hate and more another ‘attraction mistaken for hatred’ buuut if you’re all nice i’ll make a second part about when they move into the love-hate stage :) also can i just note how eVIL it is to ask a german person to write about the fRENCH. we are natural enemies yall 😔😔 we meet behind a denny’s to fistfight (and kiss) whaat who said that?!?! anyways i did love this prompt despite not being able to speak french. i was able to ask my friend to give me some phrases, their credentials are *checks papers* mediocre school french 👍🏻👍🏻 so let’s just hope my friend can be trusted, if not hope kaiser being hot makes up for it! (also french people <3 if you wanna correct my french pls do 🙏🙏)

You grumbled to yourself, regarding Kaiser with a glare. Not one he could notice since he was currently standing with his back turned towards you, conversing with Ness.

“Blaireau,” you muttered under your breath, eyes narrowing at the boy.

Noel, who was sitting next to you, let out a sigh but didn’t even raise his gaze from his clipboard to regard you with one of his typical deadpan looks.

You guessed it wasn’t necessary, he knew you well enough to know you were sitting there with a frown edged into your features and your arms crossed in front of your chest.

“So you’ve started doing it even when he’s not close enough to hear you,” he asked you.

“Pardon me?”

“Muttering insults in french. I thought you were doing it to infuriate him but I am sure you know he cannot hear you from this distance.” To emphasise his statement he lifted his hand to point towards Kaiser, who was standing several feet away fem the two of you, before returning the pen he was holding to the paper, scribbling down another number.

You wondered how Noel made sense of it all. Keeping track of the stats of all the new team additions and transferring these numbers into percentages. What those percentages exactly meant you were unsure about. All you knew was that your friend spent a lot of time on them.

You sighed, trying your best not to glare at Kaiser again as you turned to look towards him. You failed.

“Infuriating him is only an added benefit. I do enjoy just insulting him for the sake of it.”

“I see.” Although Noel sounded unimpressed you could tell he would lose his patience with this little thing you and Kaiser had going on, sooner or later.

Especially if it would end up distracting the boy from soccer, not that you thought that was ever possible. Kaiser would rather ignore you for the rest of his life than endanger his soccer career.

You turned towards Noel again and let out a dramatic sigh. Time to make this predicament you were in known to him once more.

“Noel, i need you to look me in the eyes and tell me Kaiser isn’t one of the most annoying assholes you’ve ever met.” You challenged him, lowering your voice as to not catch the attention of any of the boys standing nearby.

The corner of Noel’s lips twitched up at your frustrated tone. Almost like he didn’t take you seriously. You frowned. Rude. This matter was dead serious.

“He doesn’t know how to behave. I trust you to be the mature one. Unless you want me to get you thrown out of this building. You’re only here because i consider you a dear friend, don’t forget that.”

You gasped, offended at the insinuation he’d be willing to throw you out, his best friend, in favour of keeping Kaiser’s ego intact. It was true that you were only allowed to accompany him to ‘Blue Lock’ because he had requested your presence, seeing as you were his best friend. You needed to emphasise that because ‘dear friend’? Yeah right. He wouldn’t know what to do without you. He’d certainly lose his mind.

“You wouldn't. You need me. My presence is precious to you,” you insisted, digging your finger into his arm, not unkindly. “But okay, I promise to behave since Kaiser is clearly not able to.”

You thought offering this was extremely kind of you since it was Kaiser who needed to learn some manners, not you. You were extremely well behaved.

“Aww you’re quite obsessed with me, aren’t you, darling?”

Your blood turned cold. When you turned your head back forward you were met with the sight of none other than Michael Kaiser standing only three feet in front of you, a shit eating grin on his face.

“Casse-toi, Kaiser.” You cursed before you were able to stop yourself.

Kaiser’s grin grew. Noel let out a sigh next to you.

“You promised,” He reminded you and looked up from the clipboard to regard you with a pointed look. “Please, Y/n.”

“It’s not my fault. He’s started it!” You gasped, pointing at Kaiser childishly.

He laughed, waving his hand.

“I just came to say hello after hearing my name come out of your mouth so often. I was afraid you’d wither away without my attention.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm, his innocent smile fooling no one.

Your jaw ticked and before you knew it you had risen to your feet and stomped forward to close the remaining distance between you two to start cursing him out in french.

To your growing anger Kaiser took it in stride, cocking his head at you and listening with interest as you threw insult after insult at his head before Noel apparently had enough of you. He grabbed your wrist and yanked you back telling you to sit back down and ignore Kaiser. He sounded exhausted.

Easier said than done. Kaiser’s whole nature demanded attention. It was impossible to ignore him. But you had promised Noa you’d behave, so you guessed you should at least try.

“T’es chiant!” you snapped at Kaiser, seeing this as the end of your fight, before you let Noel pull you down into the seat.

Noel gave you another pointed look before his gaze shifted back to Kaiser who was watching your interaction with amusement though there was a dark edge to his gaze that wasn’t there before.

“You’re not done with your training, yet, are you?” Noel asked Kaiser

The boy grinned and gave a halfhearted shrug.

“I’m taking a break.”

“Take it somewhere else,” you bit out, feeling Noel’s disapproving glare burn into the side of your face.

You were trying!

“I prefer your lovely company over the one of the common folk,” Kaiser replied easily, waving his hand in the general direction of where you saw the boys of the ‘Blue Lock’ project talk.

Kaiser didn’t like them much, especially Isagi, who has already declared war on him in a very dramatic way that had you questioned the boy’s mental health. Like really, was the boy okay? Talking about devouring people and ruining their life and all.

At least Isagi managed to infuriate Kaiser in a way that no one else was able to. Of course, this meant that you did like Isagi if only because he actually managed to get under the boy’s skin. Unlike you. Kaiser never seemed impressed when you threw french insults into his face, no, it was the complete opposite. He seemed to love it. He seemed to bash in your attention. This only made you angrier.

Entitled jerk.

Maybe you’d just have to take your ‘lovely company’ to Isagi and his friends the next time you saw Kaiser coming your way. That would keep him away.

“They’re not common folk and you’re not an emperor, Kaiser, at best you’re the roi des cons,” you fired back, regarding him with an unamused look.

Nowl let out another sigh, though you thought it was quite a clever word of play. He just didn’t know how to appreciate it or you for the matter.

Kaiser hummed, taking a few steps forward and lowering his head. His gaze was intense as he fixed yours behind the curtains of his hair that fell into his face. Your heart beat wildly in your chest at the sudden air of seriousness surrounding him.

“Is that a new petname, my love? How precious.” His voice was low and smooth and it took you a second to process his words.

When you did you felt your cheeks explode in heat and you had half a mind to jump up and wrestle Kaiser to the ground if it wasn’t for Noel’s hand grabbing the back of your jacket and pulling you down again.

“Stop provoking them and go back to your training, Kaiser.”

Kaiser just snickered, eyes twinkling with mirth as he took in your red face and the snarl on your lips.

“Don’t miss me too much, i’ll be back in a bit,” he mocked with a grin that reached his eyes but still didn’t look genuine.

He turned around to walk away.

“Va te faire enculer!” You called after him but he just laughed and waved his hand at you without turning back.

You huffed and sunk back in your seat, arms crossed in front of your chest as you pouted. You fucking hated that guy.

Noa watched you quietly for a moment before he shook his head and moved to stand up, pushing his clipboard into your hands for you to hold.

“Your taste in men is horrible,” he told you as nonchalantly as one would discuss the weather before shrugging out of his tracksuit jacket and throwing it on the chair he’s been sitting in.

You shot up, shrieking. “Excuse me?”

A few boys close-by turned to stare at you and you ducked your head in embarrassment at your out-lash but you couldn’t believe the words that had just left your friend’s mouth.

“Kaiser is bad news. You can do better than him.”

You gasped at him, cheeks burning from embarrassment. Where did that just come from? Was he seriously insinuating that you? And Kaiser?

“I’m not- You’re- I-” You stuttered, your heart racing in your chest.

This was- You couldn’t believe this!

Noel rolled his eyes and gently pried the clipboard out of your eyes, levelling you with a calm look.

“If you want to deny it, go ahead. But either way stop pulling Kaiser’s metaphorical pigtails already, it’s exhausting.”

He gave you a gentle clap on the shoulder and a small smile, before walking off towards the direction of the ‘Blue Lock’ boys. You stared after him, your face hot and your mouth agape.

You weren’t-

You and Kaiser? That was ridiculous. Absolutely impossible. You would never, not in a billion years, be attracted to him. He was such an asshole. A complete jerk. Completely infuriating. Why would Noel even think that?

You huffed again, shoulders bunching up as you tried to take a deep breath to calm yourself.

Noel had no idea what he was talking about. What did he even know about romance? Nothing. That’s right!

You lifted your gaze and- You froze when your eyes locked with Kaiser’s. He was standing on the other end of the field, football secured under his arm. He was watching you intensely. From this far away it was hard to make out the look in his eyes but you felt a shiver rake down your spine and the itch on your tongue.

You gave him the middle finger, biting your tongue to not throw another insult his way as you would have had to shout it over the whole field. When the boy did nothing but laugh and blow you a kiss, you quickly turned away. The heat in your cheeks never fading.

Noel was wrong. You did not have a crush on Kaiser. You did not.

Not even a little.

translations:

Blaireau — Asshole

Casse-toi — Fuck off

T’es chiant — You’re annoying

Roi des cons — Complete idiot/King of idiots

Va te faire enculer — Go fuck yourself

[thephooka]

Happy Webcomic Day! My webcomic White Noise is a labor of love--according to Procreate, this page took me 15.5 hours to complete.* Here's a look into that process!

Some other notes:

The thumbnails are done on graph paper and I script while I do them--there is no separate written script for White Noise. I usually spent a couple hours on weekends as needed thumbnailing, sometimes at a coffee shop or at home listening to records.

I then set up the file in Photoshop, so I can lay in the text and use the template I have with bleeds already set up. The text is rasterized and I shuttle the file over to my iPad via Airdrop.

The bulk of the actual work is done in Procreate, which records timelapses that I sometimes share to my Patreon. I usually spend a couple hours most nights after my day job or on the bus commuting doing this.

Once everything art-wise is done, I shuttle the file back over to my desktop to re-set in the text, add a stroke around the speech bubbles (Procreate doesn't have that took fsr) and do the resizing/exporting for web.

On Sunday mornings I get up, queue the page and write the page descriptions. I don't spend any time on the page descriptions outside of that.

Also, this process goes for the whole first arc of White Noise. I'm done with that arc (which means you can binge the whole thing I'm js!!) and am experimenting with some different methods these days, but my workflow is still generally the same.

*Some more talk about the labor (and burnout) involved below the cut:

This particular page (and most of the pages I did in 2023) took a lot longer than normal because I was heading into a burnout period that I'm still lowkey in/recovering from. It's obvious to me now in retrospect watching the timelapse here and seeing how much noodling I'm doing and how much I'm struggling with the process, but at the time I was just very frustrated generally. When I'm not burned tf out pages take maybe 10 hours max.

2023 was a pretty stressful year--lots of big life changes, uncertainty, pet death, health issues--so it's no wonder it propelled me into burnout, but it just goes to show that even the slowest and steadiest pace is not sustainable forever. I've been doing one page a week following this general process for over a decade! And I stuck to that pace because I knew it was one I could maintain. But even so, by the end of this arc I found myself working more and more slowly, not really looking forward to the work, feeling anxious about being behind, unhappy with the finished work, and extremely annoyed with myself for not being able to give it my all right there at the finish line.

I did stop for a while after the epilogue and took a more or less complete break from drawing for about a month--the longest I have EVER gone without drawing, much less working on White Noise--which did help, but these days my ability to work is...inconsistent. I should probably take another total break, but I'm reluctant. What if my passion never comes back? What if people forget about WN? It's already pretty obscure, and with the general social media collapse, it's harder than ever to get people to read my work. Now that I've left Hiveworks, WN doesn't even get the benefit of being linked to other comics (although objectively very, very few readers actually got referred to my comic that way.) And frankly, I'm also just too proud to go too long without comic updates. I've always told myself, I might not be the best artist or the fastest worker or make a popular comic, but I'm consistent. Difficult to let that go.

This is all to say that webcomics are hard. We do them because we love them, we have stories to tell, we are seized with the human compulsion to create. We spend hours of our time, almost always on top of the paying work that allows us to eat, to make something that we then give away for free. It has consequences on us that the reader doesn't often see, no matter how careful we are about it. If you ask me, webcomics deserve to be valued more.

Happy Webcomic Day! Read webcomics!

[mitsuyeaah]

Ever since I remember myself, my dad would come in our room at night with a flashlight, looking to kill mosquitoes. That's also why the white walls of our room had little bloodstains on them :)

Maybe, reader waking up accidentally to tr boys (I'll leave it to you who) trying to kill mosquitoes in the middle of the night? :>

LATE NIGHT SHENANIGANS

syn: you waking up to them trying to kill mosquitoes in the middle of the night.

TR ft. KAZUTORA, MIKEY

cw: none, just pure fluff, my men being a lil silly in the middle of the night <3 pet names (my love, baby)

a/n: hehe of course i chose your pookies!!!

₊✮⸜ ༘⋆ KAZUTORA HANEMIYA

— would definitely try to be quiet when doing it but fails because he flails too much and accidentally knocks over the lamp resting on the bedside table (thank god it’s not broken, though). kazutora would be very apologetic afterwards though for waking you up, and most likely cuddles you back to sleep before going back to killing mosquitos.

crash! the loud sound of the lamp hitting the carpeted floor jolts your body awake. with your heart racing, and head spinning from sleepiness, you looked around the dark room to see a figure putting the knocked over lamp back on the bedside table. “kazu..?” you croaked, confused as to what he was doing at this ungodly hour. he must’ve not heard you since he walked at the foot of the bed and started.. flailing his arms?

the scene in front of you was confusing. it also didn’t help how you just woke up from your sleep, and it took a lot slower for things to process in your brain. you pinched yourself a couple of times, making sure you weren’t in some kind of weird realistic dream but no, you were awake—not fully though. you watched in confusion as kazutora looked like he was chasing something. he was so focused and determined to catch whatever he had his eyes on.

when you called out his name, this time a little louder, his gaze shot over to you—clearly startled that you were awake. “did i wake you up? i’m so sorry.” he quickly walked over to your side of the bed to give your forehead a chaste kiss, smoothing the wrinkles of confusion between your knitted brows. “my love, what are you doing? it’s 2 am..” you let out a sigh of content as he tucked you back under the covers, stroking your hair.

“i was.. i was just killing mosquitoes. they’re a bothersome.” he sheepishly admitted, a hand shyly rubbing his nape. thank god it was dark in the room because he could feel his face turning a deep shade of crimson red from embarrassment of being caught in such a silly act. you looked into his citrine eyes before letting out a snort, “you’re so cute, kazu.. d’you want me to help you kill them?”

with that, kazutora was instantly reminded with one of the reasons of why he loved you so much. you never questioned his weird antics, you always matched his energy as questionable as it seemed. best believe, the two of you spent a good 10 minutes laughing and trying to catch those damned flies.

₊✮⸜ ༘⋆ MANJIRO ‘MIKEY’ SANO

— tries to be quiet but resorts to trying to catch them between his hands, so he’d have to ‘clap’ which then wakes you up and may or may not be apologetic when he does accidentally wake you up. definitely starts getting frustrated because he can’t catch them (he’s kinda short) and you just lie there and laugh at him.

clap! clap! clap! you let out a groan, your sleep suddenly being interrupted by a loud constant noise. “manjiro.. can you go look at what’s making that sound..” you mumbled as you turned to your side, trying to catch the slumber you had just a few minutes ago. manjiro didn’t respond, and the constant clapping noise was still there. groaning, you sat up from the bed and rubbed your eyes to see what was causing the annoying noise.

once your vision cleared, you were met with the view of manjiro on the other side of the bed, clapping his hands in the air as he seemed to be trying to catch something. you blinked several times, trying to convince yourself if that really was manjiro or some kind of hallucination you were seeing from the lack of sleep you had. “‘jiro..? what—what are you doing, baby?” your tone was a mix of confusion but at the same time amusement, it was such a funny sight to see him clapping his hands in the air during the middle of the night.

manjiro turned to you, “killing mosquitoes.” he let out a sigh before going back to what he was doing earlier. you watched as his head followed a mosquito, his onyx eyes locked on the target with full concentration before jumping off the ground a bit and clapping his hands together. he looked at his palms and let out a frustrated groan, by his reaction, you assumed he so successful at catching the little insect.

it was a funny sight to see him so frustrated and worked up over not being able to kill it—you couldn’t help but laugh at him. you lied back in bed, your body fully turned to him as you laughed at the man in front of you. manjiro furrowed his brows, bottom lip jutting out in a pout as he asked you what was funny, “you! you should see the way you jumped and clapped your hands.. hilarious.” you wiped an imaginary tear off the corner of your eyes and smiled up at him.

you could see the gears turning inside his head as he stood there, unmoving. “okay, i guess i do look a little silly but i just have to get rid of them because they’re so annoying.” he grumbled . you watched manjiro as he continued to try and catch the flies while you laughed at his awkward figure while trying to do so. if it were any other person laughing at him, he would’ve gotten angry but it was you, and he was completely fine with that. he liked it when you laughed anyway, even if it meant making a fool out of himself.

© mitsuyeaah

[katebeckets]

the tortured poets department

i have thoughts!! surprising, right?? this is for anyone who cares to read them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Before you read, note that this is going to be critical of things, so let me just start by saying I have loved and listened to Taylor since I was 8, so none of it is said lightly or without careful thought (in fact, this took me absurdly long to write). Most of the issues I have are very near to my heart, actually, so I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. If you don't want to read criticism, then just don't read more. DISCLAIMER that I did my best, but not even this fully captures the nuance I feel able my own opinions lol I recognize the other sides and points, I really do. I hold many conflicting opinions.

The short version is I will always love her music and her voice and she is capable of writing absolutely gorgeous lyrics (dare I say poetry?). I don't tend to think too much about the sound of it because if I like the sound, it's all I really care about—maybe it sounds the same as other stuff, but if I like that other stuff, I don't really care about whether she branches out or not. I think it's great and interesting when she (or anyone) does, but I also don't like change so it doesn't matter to me the way I know it matters to some people. That's just me!

What gets more complicated for me is the narrative, themes, and general trends that have been more prominent the last year or so, and that's what the rest of my thoughts are. It's me enjoying the music while also being acutely aware of all the grief tangled up in it because of how much less connected I feel in many ways.

Side note: this got soooo much longer than even I expected and it still just scratches the surface! so if you decide to read, 1. thank you, and 2. I'd love to keep talking to you. 🤍

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I am an overthinker (shocking!) and will for sure be annoyed that I can't think of each and every thing I think about this album, but this is what comes to mind right now. Some things that have stood out to me more and more with each release:

a tendency to write self-aware lyrics that, in trying to be self-aware, betray somewhat of a lack of self-awareness

a frustration with never growing up that she expresses while also not realizing the way she is complicit in that and her own refusal to grow up

considering herself the victim, particularly after "overcoming" the accusations that she always plays the victim

venturing more boldly into the territory of serious mental illness/suicidal ideation/mental health treatment despite demonstrating a fair amount of ignorance regarding those things in the past

fame going to her head (in the sense of her becoming further and further out of touch) and the entitlement in a lot of the more immature attitudes that come across in these songs

self-awareness: for me, the first example that comes to mind is Anti-Hero: "it's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me." It's a claim at self-awareness because she's poking fun at the fact that she knows people always say "maybe she's the problem." The reason why it feels to me like it exposes a lack of self-awareness is because she explores it mostly as a criticism to overcome and not a valid point of self-reflection. @jakeperalta's tags on her post explain it better than I do. Yes, there's an issue when you reduce every feeling to "well maybe she's the problem," but part of growth is admitting that maybe you are part of the problem and coming to terms with the fact that there is often some inevitable truth to that statement—and being willing to work on it. This example is from Midnights, but I think it ties into the next point.

immaturity/never growing up: I actually think these first two sections are just two parts of one section, but it's easier to read this way anyway. There are lots of references to not growing up on this album, the first that come to mind being "So High School" and "teenage petulance." Maybe it's just me, but as a 34-year-old woman, I wouldn't want to be feeling "so high school." I mean, as a 25-year-old, when I talk about feeling like my high school self, it's usually because I'm recognizing how limited my judgment and self-awareness was in high school (despite all the therapy and my efforts to be self-aware in high school). And I am aware of my own bias here—I absolutely hate the football game days because I didn't even like watching people act like that in high school, but at least they were high schoolers—but I do think part of what we've seen is Travis allowing her to be more immature and take less responsibility because that's also where he is at. Obviously I don’t speak to it with any authority since I don't know what happened in the relationship, but based on her behaviors and what I know about Joe (which is VERY little), I kind of get the feeling that part of what she didn't like about being with Joe is that he pushed her to grow. "Your integrity makes me seem small," etc. etc., but not in an “I want to grow” way, but not liking that feeling because she shouldn't have to feel small just because she wants to be able to only do what makes her happy. Just looking at the difference in her behavior and the fact that it seems like she's stopped trying to learn (Miss Americana-ish), it seems like she very much resents the responsibility that comes with being such a famous person and mainly considers herself a victim of her fame.

victimhood: to an extent, yes, she is a victim of her fame. No one should have that much fame and power, and of course she didn't sign up for it in this way. But wanting to have the kind of influence and reach that most artists desire is intertwined with fame. There isn't a way to separate it (in an ideal world, maybe, but that isn't what we're dealing with) and it's something that, to some degree, artists do sign up for. And I think she resents that she's expected to take any sort of responsibility for anything that she doesn't want to do, in a very, "but that's not fair!," teenage petulance kind of way. She even says in Sweet Nothing that "I'm just too soft for all of it." We're all too soft for all of it, but that doesn't mean we get to ignore it. It bothers me that she doesn't seem to feel any sort of responsibility to use this giant platform to do better. Everyone is aware of her influence, including her. I think that's part of the grief. No, it is not her job to use her platform for good, but I thought that it was something she valued and something she wanted. The other line that really stuck out to me was from Cassandra: "They say what doesn't kill you makes you aware, what happens if it becomes who you are?" You may be a victim of what doesn't kill you, but if it becomes who you are, that's not their fault. It reminds me a bit of the exhaustion of living with mental illness. For me in particular, it affects my relationships in a very fundamental way, and there are days that I sob because I am exhausted of things that are so normal being so, so difficult for me... but even though I didn't ask for it and it's not fair that this happened to me, it's still my responsibility to understand how my issues affect how I show up in relationships. It's still my problem, even though it isn't my fault that it's my problem. And if you're lucky, you find really beautiful people who are willing to help you and see that it's not their responsibility, but they want to make it easier for you—I recognize how lucky I am to have some people like that, but it never makes it anyone else's problem. If they decide one day it's not their problem, the truth is that it isn't (and then there's a more complex conversation about what you want to do to preserve a relationship). This is also very connected to something about Kate Beckett/why I identify with that character, and I can touch on that if anyone wants to know, but I don't really have cohesive thoughts about that prepared (it makes more sense if you already know the character). This also goes to other things, like her being upset that people always focus on who songs are about while ignoring the part she played in feeding that culture (like with secret messages).

mental health: this goes to a bigger discussion of how we turn to celebrities who are HIGHLY unqualified to have opinions on things for guidance (the nuance of the above discussion about using your platform), but the more she ventures into the discussion of mental illness, the more upset I get by some remarks she has made in the past. And yes, people grow, she may not feel this way anymore, but nothing in her behavior gives me any reason to believe that she doesn't still have this attitude. This is one that I know I have to be careful of because of how personal it is for me (I've been placed on a 5150 "danger to self" hold and I am a therapist), but one interview that has always made me so upset is that one where she talks about how she's never been to therapy, then ends it by saying "I feel like we just had a therapy session." She has said multiple times how she has never wanted to go to therapy when she has her mom, who already knows everything about her. And that is highly irritating to me because 1. that's why she's your MOM, not your THERAPIST, and 2. there's already so much stigma and apprehension around therapy and many people feel this way, so to have someone like Taylor Swift validate all the people who say "I'd rather talk to someone who already knows me" or "so and so is my therapist" is unbelievably frustrating. There's a reason it's unethical to treat people you know—that isn't therapy. And I think I wouldn't be so bothered by it if she didn't speak about it with such authority, like she knows what she's talking about when what she's saying shows that she doesn't (edit: this is specifically in regard to therapy, not mental illness. I am highly aware that anyone can be mentally ill). The other thing about this album is that it does seem to be an album about loving people with mental illness, and I've already seen a lot of interpretations that simply feed the narrative that people with mental illness are unlovable and mental illness is the reason people mistreat you (particularly the discussion about her lovers being blue all the time). And the issue with that is it's already a common misconception among people with mental illness, that their mental illness is an excuse or reason why they don't treat people right. It's disrespectful to the people who recognize that they have a mental illness that affects how they interact with others and choose to try to overcome it. I'm all for honest discussions about mental illness, but it's so disheartening when it happens on such a large scale and some of the loudest voices are people who don't know enough to know how to (at least try to) do no harm.

fame: I'm not really going to go into it because this has already turned out way longer than I meant for it to, but also because I feel like it's already been touched on. For me, it's the conversation about her feeling she should be able to just do what she wants. I think we all feel that way, but because of her fame and the fact that she's just about untouchable (as shown in how she came back from being cancelled), she can just tune everyone out. But one example was how uneasy I felt about this album being announced at the grammys. For one thing, it's not a fan-voted award, so even if it should, it doesn't feel the same. And regardless of your take on award shows, I do think it showed a level of insensitivity to the other artists who haven't won a bunch of grammys to decide that she would announce a new album at the grammys. Because even if she had a backup plan and said she didn't plan on it, the truth is that, to decide to have a backup plan, you did have to count on it happening, at least to an extent. You had to feel it was likely enough that you wanted to have a back up plan just in case, but it probably would go the way you wanted. To me, it just felt so... disrespectful. Because for many other artists, it doesn't happen more than once. (not to mention the many other things happening that got completely overshadowed, like Annie Lennox calling for a ceasefire)

So if you read all that... I don't even know what the point is at this point. These are just thoughts that, to me, don't feel right to simply ignore. I know there's an argument that you can enjoy music without enjoying where it came from, and it's true to an extent, but I also think part of the music is where it comes from. So... I don't know. Do with that what you will. And if you are reading this, I love you (I can't believe you're reading this).

[doyawalker]

Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind#10

chapter 9.

contains smoking and a lot of emotions lol

I am currently studying for upcoming exams and I am also working on my bachelor's thesis so updates will be a bit slower now <3

again, thank you all for your love for this series. This chapter will finally spice things up a bit :)

masterlist

previous chapter

taglist: @namjooning-94, @hopefulrascalstatesmantoad, @parkinglot-nights , @y2kcy3brz

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‘Cause Honestly, You’re Dead To Me

But that was the problem with the truth. The truth wasn’t always easy but oftentimes more complicated. And lies were often not made undone by simply saying ‘I’m sorry’. But what else was there to say? 

The next few days felt weird to you. You spent Saturday and Sunday at home, Saturday to recover from your raging hangover from the party, and Sunday because you felt unwell. Not physically but rather mentally. Your mind was haunted once again by the memories of Jungkook, but not only of those from two years ago this time. You felt it for sure. The way his facade had begun to break, his confident demeanor revealing something underneath that didn’t seem to be so ignorant. But every time you sat down and thought about it, you forced yourself out of spiraling immediately, not willing to accept the fact that he was keeping you up at night again. You tried to remind yourself that this was the exact way it had started back then as well; the attention, the seemed honesty, the emotions. And you had fallen for it back then and you refused to fall for it again. Still, when Tuesday came around and you sat in your seat in the lecture hall, waiting for the professor to start the class and Jungkook let himself fall next to you on the bench, you felt your heart’s pace quicken. But he proved himself to be as disappointing as always. He didn’t mention a word about the party, not a word about the exchange they had, and he sure as hell didn’t let his emotions slip again. No, he acted his usual casual self, making jokes you didn’t laugh about, annoying you about copying your notes, and asking again when the two of you would meet for the group project. And his nonchalant acting annoyed the shit out of you. This was so typical for him that you almost were upset about how you thought he would act differently this time. About hoping that he could maybe change. That he would ever change. But why would he? Hadn’t you given him the impression that he could just act however he wanted and still would get your attention? Hadn’t you given him the satisfaction of gaining access to your life again? Was it your fault again? 

The anger sparked in the pit of your stomach on Tuesday and by Thursday it had developed into a wildfire. And on Friday you finally snapped.

He had convinced you to meet in the library on Friday to start your outline for the presentation. You had met there at seven in the evening and it was currently almost nine. You were still working on the second point of your outline because Jungkook kept on talking about this music project he was working on on the side with Yoongi and Hoseok and quite frankly you didn’t give a fuck. All you cared about was that you were tired, that you couldn’t believe you were stuck with him for the rest of the semester, and that he was not taking this seriously at all, for fucks sake.

“Can we please focus back on this?”, you interrupted him, your voice so harsh that a few people sitting around you turned their heads in your direction. You had your head in between your hands, looking up at him and when your eyes met he furrowed his brows together.

“Are you okay? Do you need a break?”, he asked, concern lacing his voice.

“Yeah, a fucking break from you.”

He grinned, not taking you seriously and it was infuriating.

Pinching the skin between your brows, you sighed in frustration, your eyes wandering back to the laptop screen in front of you, the almost empty Google Doc basically laughing at you. 

At least he finally stopped his monologue, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“What’s wrong?”, he asked.

You scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief. The audacity of him. 

“Nothing.”, you answered, your lips pressed together in a straight line. “Can we just finish this?”. 

He eyed you silently, tilting his head to the side. “You wanna go smoke?”

A sigh escaped your lips. Of course, you couldn’t just finish this.

“Sure.”, you said, the thought of a cigarette easing your mind sounding too good to reject. You used to smoke with him all the time back then. Now you didn’t usually. But you could fucking use one right now.

You stepped outside, still not thanking him for opening the door for you. The sun had already set and the air was chilly, but you weren’t freezing. Maybe it was the annoyance still bubbling in your stomach or maybe it was the warmth his body was radiating, who knew?

He handed you a cig and as you lit it up and took the first drag, the smoke filling your lungs in a familiar way, you felt yourself relax a bit for the first time this evening.

You felt his eyes on you but you chose to ignore it. You didn’t want to talk to him. There was no use in small talk after all.

Your eyes wandered across your campus, seeing a few students walking around, talking, listening to music, or smoking as well. The semester was going by fast, you noticed. 

“Do you wanna tell me now what’s wrong?”

His voice broke the silence, finally forcing your eyes to meet his.

He blew the smoke of his cigarette out into the air, tapping the ashes onto the ground carelessly. 

“Why do you keep asking these dumb questions?”, you sighed, taking the cigarette back between your lips. 

He pulled his brows together. “Why do you keep avoiding my questions?”

“Because you know the answers to them. You just want to hear me say it.”

He chuckled to himself.

“I’m not that cruel.”

“Yes, you are.”

You took another drag, the smoke lingering in the air in front of you. You had never talked with him so openly until now. But there was something about it now, after the club and all the unsaid things. Why play games?

“Is it because of the club?”, he finally asked, leaning his body against one of the walls surrounding the entrance door. 

You looked back up at him, an unreadable expression on his face. He had already finished his cigarette.

“Yes, Jungkook. This is because of the club.”, you answered, your voice a bit louder than you wanted it to be. “Idiot.” “I wanted to talk to you but Tae had to play the big macho guy, didn’t he?”

“You had plenty of time to talk to me this week.”

He scratched his nose, buying himself some time. 

“If you wanna talk, then talk.” 

And that comment was what made you snap. Because you had enough of his audacity, of his arrogance, of his nonchalant ways. You didn’t care about being too open or too emotional anymore, you hated the fact that he just came back into your life like that, without any consequences of his actions from back then. You hated how much he affected you still, how he was so obviously playing with your feelings again because he wasn’t being fucking honest about why the hell he was doing all of this, to begin with. Why bother you? Why make a group with you? Why?

And so you turned your body around to him fully, the hand with the cigarette shaking slightly, maybe due to the nicotine or due to the anger rising up in you, whatever. 

He looked at you with his stoic facade, his arms crossed in front of his chest. But when you started to talk his eyes began to widen.

“For fucks sake, Jungkook. I don’t want to talk to you. YOU are the one that wants to talk. YOU are the one that began to pester me all day around. YOU are the one that keeps on bothering me. YOU are the one that for whatever reason can’t accept a fucking ‘No’ as an answer because I made it clear from the start that I don’t want anything to do with you. Why would I? Maybe you’re gonna keep on trying to make me believe that you don’t remember what happened back then but I know that you know and if you know then you know why I don’t want to spend time with you. And I hate that you are just trying to make me forget about that, do you have any idea how hard it was for me to get over this fucking shit?!”

You came closer to him with every word until you had to tilt your head back to look up at him, your finger drilling itself into his chest, the anger radiating in your chest, almost making you feel dizzy. He simply watched you, his jaw clenched together.

“And then you keep on doing some fucked up shit like in the club, searching for my attention, and then afterward you just keep on acting like everything is normal and fine, do you have any idea how fucking infuriating that is?! You messed with my head back then and now you’re trying to do it again and I am so fucking tired of your fucking bullshit, so you either gonna tell me right now what the fuck is going on with you or you’ll leave me the fuck alone, because I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Your breath had quickened, your heart beating in your chest so loud, that you almost couldn’t hear your own voice. 

The words had come out of you without thinking much and now they were hanging in the air between you, your body so close to his that his perfume was occupying all your senses. 

He didn’t say anything.

His eyes were burning themselves into you, a dark shadow cast over them.

A second went by.

Then another.

And then he finally moved.

“I’m sorry.” 

You could hear him mutter the words under his breath before he surged forward. His hand found your jaw, tilting your head to the side slightly before his lips crashed against yours with a force that almost made you take a step backward.

The world came to a halt. 

Your mind came to a halt. 

Your thoughts stopped processing what was happening for a moment, as you felt his lips move against yours.

He had never kissed you. Never before. Because that was something people in relationships do. And you never were in a relationship with him. 

But now here he was. Kissing you in the dark, his eyes closed, his fingers gripping your jaw gently.

And it wasn’t until you felt his tongue slightly brushing over your bottom lip, that the world finally kept on turning. But your mind stayed blank. 

And so you let yourself fall, caving into him, letting two-year younger you take over. Because they were in bliss right now.

Your arms wrapped around his neck effortlessly as he pulled you even closer, your lips parting for him and he sighed silently. His body was burning against yours, your chest pressed against his, his hands now wandering up to cup your head, burying themselves into your hair. 

His lips felt like heaven against yours and as he kept on moving against you, the heat began to travel down your body into the pit of your stomach. A feeling you never had with him before. All the sex had been fueled by desperation, not lust. This was new. Something you never knew you could feel around him.

But before you could realize the meaning of that, the sound of his phone ringing made you almost jump back from him, breaking away from his contact, and getting some distance between the two of you.

And as he cursed silently, grabbing his phone from his pocket to mute it, the reality of what just happened crashed onto you with such a force that it almost knocked the air out of your lungs.

You stared at him, as panic filled your system, your thoughts beginning to spin in a rapid manner. What the fuck? Self-doubt mixed itself with desire, making you feel nauseous and when he looked back at you, his face distorted with an apologetic look, you had to flee. You couldn’t stay. How could you? You had just let him kiss you. Out of all the people on this planet. How could you ever forgive yourself?

And so you ran. You pushed past him quickly, pushing open the door and leaving him standing outside in the dark. You heard him yell after you but you didn’t turn around.

It had all started with a bet. A simple bet that maybe sounded stupid to someone from outside, but it was a trend going around in his friend group. Five-dollar bets, just to keep it fun. It had been Hoseok’s idea. But maybe one shouldn’t bet on other people’s feelings. Because as he looked after you, knowing that he couldn’t follow you because you would probably kill him, it didn’t feel like he bet on your feelings but rather on his own. 

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[sibyl-of-space]

I FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY HAVE SUBSTANTIAL PROGRESS TO SHOW FOR MY GHOST TRICK ROMHACK. [04/18/2024]

THERE IS LITERALLY ONE SINGLE THING LEFT TO IMPLEMENT BEFORE I CAN CALL IT DONE.

As it is a massively spoilery ROMhack, details below the cut, do not open unless you have beaten the game.

You have no idea how long I've been trying to make this happen.

The point of the hack is to replace every single instance of Sissel in the game with the cat (so you can play as a cat WOOO!!!) and leave Yomiel as-is (since he uses almost all of the same assets, which made this go from a "could do it in a weekend" hack to "has taken me about 4 years" hack).

For the longest time I had successfully replaced all of Sissel's sprites in each scene using a script I wrote after a ton of digging, because for almost all of the game the sprites are associated with each line of localized text (defined per-localization). So I just ran the file for each scene through a script that find+replaces all of the codes for Sissel's Yomiel sprites, point them to the cat, and then revert some scenes that have false positives (late game scenes with Yomiel). This didn't take too long to figure out and I documented the journey on Romhacking.net.

What this did not do was address the Yomiel!Sissel sprite in 3 places:

The "phone line is down" scene

The people directory

The "I fucked up let's rewind time" scene

The phone line was the easiest fix, I realized after much headache that using save states actually caches the system_0000 file [so changing that file and then loading the save state does NOT reflect the change], and *that* is where the phone line sprite is defined. Once I realized that, the script I used for everything else found another sprite code and fixed it. That last fix was... a while ago.

I tried to update the directory the same way, but the directory file did not have the sprite codes in it anywhere. It had the upper screen animations, so I was able to edit the animation of Yomiel's dead body and replace it with a kitty, but the sprite could not be changed from there.

Today, I have finally figured out why. I spent over 10 hours yesterday following the dead end of trying to figure out progression stuff via meticulous edits to the chapter.xml file, and after learning a lot about how the game works that does not help this hack whatsoever, it occurred to me that these sprites seem to be treated by the game as UI elements. So... I had to start looking at how the game handles UI stuff.

Many frustrating hours later, I finally found what I was looking for (at least for the phone book), and it was found in overlay9_0006.bin. I narrowed this down by noticing that if I replaced this overlay file with junk the game would play normally until I tried to load the directory and then it would crash. Then I eventually was able to replace Sissel's sprite with the cat, and it was very annoying but I'm so glad it's done. I was also able to replace the sprite on the bottom screen, but unfortunately there is no definition for the cat there that I could replace it with (and since the cat is black it might not even show up anyway...), so I settled on the ghost as it's neutral enough.

The unfortunate news is that this still leaves the "rewind time" scene, and that is the most important of the 3 because it comes up so often in gameplay. If I had found that one first I might have shipped the hack as-is. But I do not feel it is complete until I can find that last fucking bit of code.

I have a bit of an idea of where it might be. I think it is also in the overlay files. I KNOW it's NOT in 0002, 0004, or 0006, because replacing those with junk I was able to load the rewind time scene just fine. It is in one of:

overlay0000 - editing this one caused the game itself to fail to load even before the title screen, so I am assuming this is a very low-level overlay and am leaving it alone for now.

overlay0001 - same.

overlay0003 - this is the likeliest culprit. If modified, the game can load but as soon as you try to press either "select chapter" or "continue" it crashes. I imagine most of the UI stuff for regular gameplay is in here then which shoooould have the "Rewind Time" scene?

overlay0005 - second likeliest culprit. If modified the game can load the Capcom/etc logos but crashes trying to load the title screen itself. This implies to me it has info on the main title screen menus which I suppose could theoretically be the same level as the rewind time scenes, though I kind of doubt that and 0003 still seems likeliest to me.

I don't know when I will have time to work on this again. Technically I didn't have time to work on it this week, I just kind of did anyway. But next time I pick it back up, if I can find what part of (probably) overlay9_0003 (maybe) includes the code for that rewind time scene, I can finish this project that I started so long ago they went and made a whole ass Switch release in the interim.

[deadsince1973]

Okay, so, I am LOVING The Legend of ShenLi! It might be in my top 3 C-dramas of all time, is definitely in the top 5, and is possibly the most exciting C-drama I've ever seen in the sense of making me want to watch the next episode right away. (I think that last one applies even more than Till the End of the Moon, to be honest.) But, all that being said, it's also clarified for me one of the things I hate most about a lot of romances (and why TTEOTM is so great).

Namely, I hate when crucial information is kept from the audience. I understand that that makes the show more suspenseful, which makes it harder for the audience to stop watching because then they're eager to learn the information. Clearly this is working with TLoSL and me. But, a well-written show can keep the suspense going even when the audience has all the knowledge of all the characters combined, and withholding that crucial information runs the risk of making the drama frustrating.

Let me give a concrete example. I just finished Episode 17 of TLoSL and these were my thoughts while watching the episodes yesterday and today:

Episode 13: I'm starting to get really annoyed. Xing Zhi is almost gaslighting her about being Xingyun. She told him flat-out that she liked him. She wasn't shy, she wasn't playing games, she wasn't unwilling to admit her own feelings. He clearly likes her back, so why can't he do the same?! It's not like he can be afraid of rejection when she's already been so open and honest about her feelings! And there are no outside repercussions he can face for admitting he likes her back. He is physically/spiritually the strongest being in the universe, and he's also got the highest social position in the universe. There can be no consequences for him for getting together with her, so why is he unwilling?! I've started cheering when she’s cold to or domineering over Xing Zhi, because she deserves to assert dominance over a man who's going to disrespect her by saying he doesn't like her and then taking her on romantic dates.

Episode 14: Okay, so he's finally stopped lying to her about not being Xingyun, but now he's explicitly told her that he doesn't have feelings for her. If you don't have feelings for her, why do you keep acting like you do?! She's right, it is really frustrating how he rejects her on one hand and seduces her on the other!

Episode 15: My cheering for her being cold to or domineering over him is becoming more sincere and less humorous.

Episode 17: His best friend lost his divinity for falling in love with the wrong person. So is that why Xing Zhi's afraid to tell her he loves her? Is he afraid to admit his feelings even to himself for fear of losing his own divinity? If that's the case, WHY WEREN'T WE THE AUDIENCE TOLD THAT EARLIER?!?! We could have spent this whole time crying for the poor immortal who can't love the woman he loves instead of getting frustrated by him!

Honestly, whether this is the explanation for Xing Zhi's reticence, or there's a bigger, deeper, truer reason coming down the line doesn't really matter. Either way, they've left us with a lot of episodes of frustration wondering why Xing Zhi can't just admit his feelings for her. This makes it harder to enjoy all the genuinely sweet and romantic moments they have together. It's hard to watch a character I love so much falling in love with another character who seems incapable of loving her back as fully as she loves him. Likewise, it's not a very fun self-insert fantasy to have: loving a man who won't say he loves you back. Being unable to fully enjoy the moments where he does show honest affection to her compounds the frustration in my opinion, because there's nothing else problematic in their relationship really (or what there is can be overlooked), so I want to cheer for them and their love, but Xing Zhi's making it hard.

Compare all of this to TTEOTM. We knew all of Li Susu's and all of Tantai Jin's complex, contradictory, and constantly shifting motivations and feelings from the get-go* (*episode 3. But that's still pretty close to the get-go!). What kept them together? Li Susu had to stay by Tantai Jin's side and show him kindness in order to save the three realms and four continents. Tantai Jin wanted Li Susu to stay by his side because she was the only one who'd ever shown him love. [Yes, my fellow TTEOTM stans, I know it's a lot more complicated and nuanced than that, but that's the biggest link in the chain holding the two of them together.] What's driving them apart? Li Susu's doubt that Tantai Jin can ever be anything but the Devil God; Tantai Jin's (correct) suspicion that Li Susu has an ulterior motive and (his incorrect suspicion that she) doesn't really love him. As soon as the main characters know these things, we know them, and it's wondering how the situation is going to evolve that pulls us through the story. We never have to be frustrated with a character decision, because every character decision makes sense based on the information we the audience have. It makes the story so much more enjoyable, in my opinion.

In addition to everything I've said above, I'd like to add a secondary point I've already alluded to but haven't yet made explicit: I think making important information a mystery decreases re-watch value. I admit, my re-watch of TTEOTM is proceeding MUCH slower than my first viewing, which in itself went much slower than TLoSL. But, I am at least re-watching it. I don't know if I'm going to want to revisit the characters of TLoSL once there's no more mystery about them. With TLoS, it's the ending that matters; with TTEOTM, it's the journey.

I want to end by saying that dramas are so complex, what doesn't work in one show might work in another. Not only is this all my opinion, but the way all the elements of a drama combine can make all the difference in whether one single element is good or bad. There are so many elements in TLoSL that I've HATED in other shows, but TLoSL did so well that I love them!

But, even with that caveat, I just think, as a general rule, making your main characters' motivations clear from the outset is the superior way to structure a show.

[sammyboyimagines]

Road Trip Pt.2

Summary: the long car ride with Steve ended when you stopped at a motel for the night. The tensions snap and feelings are released. 1.7k

again, this is loosely based on the Nancy/Jonathan plot from season 2.

Warnings: angst, arguing, language, Steve and reader are VERY MEAN. SLOW SLOW BURN

//this will probably be a 3 parter, maybe a short 4th part? Like 1k word 4th chapter? how do we feel about the one-bed trope mixed with enemies to lovers and a slight slow burn? I'm just shoving every genre in there tbh.

Two days. Two days spent trying not to strangle your ex-friend/ex-crush as he talked about his ventures with women all over Hawkins. "Do I really have to know about Heidi, Steve?" you were beyond frustrated as you sat in the passenger seat of his car. 

It was hard not to notice his hands grip the steering wheel a little tighter every time you said anything. "If you don't want to hear about it, tell me. It's not that hard.." you scoff in disbelief. "Are you kidding me-" he cut you off.

"Uh uh, no more arguing. That's what we agreed upon and I refuse to argue with you anymore." he put his finger in your face as he focused on the road, making you roll your eyes. As much as you enjoyed your times with him, he could be annoying when it came to conflict. "Yeah, whatever, mom.." your snarky comment only enraged Steve more as he pulled into a hotel parking lot. "I've had enough of this. Either you stop attacking me or I take you back home and we never talk again! Because it really sounds like you don't want to do this." Of course, he blames you...

"Remind me again who ditched who?" after no response, you had your answer. "Let's just stay here tonight and we'll go to Murray's in the morning." he starts grabbing his overnight bag, but you couldn't shut your mind off.

"I don't understand why we're doing this anyway. It's all over, isn't it? Will's home and that thing is dead!" you thought back on all the late-night drives you went on with Steve while he explained in detail how his ex just left him for the second time. You thought it was funny then, seeing how bad he was with women. Now, you just pitied yourself for not being brave enough to tell him how you felt. Felt

Those feelings left a long time ago when he decided to ghost you. "It's a Demogorgon, and don't you wonder why it even came to Hawkins in the first place? Don't you want that lab to be burnt to the ground so all of this can be over? Things keep happening with that damn lab and I don't want anything to happen to my friends and family here. Don't you want to end this?" sure you did, but nothing would change the fact that it happened and the worst-case scenario is that they move locations. You couldn't tell Steve however, he'd go off on another conspiracy rant.

"Fine, I get it." you lay your head back on the seat and look out the window. "Did you really ask everyone? Was I your last choice?" it hurt to know that he would have chosen anyone before you, but frankly, so would you. Steve gave you a look, but you couldn't tell whether it was anger or confusion. Steve wasn't angry at you, he never really was. The truth was, he didn't ask anyone else. He knew you lived for adventures like these. 

"Let's just get a room. I'm kinda tired from the long drive." Steve snuck a glance at his watch. After a 2-hour drive with you, he was exhausted. Not because he hated you, but because he couldn't look at you without feeling betrayed. After his shitty friends spread the rumor about you, he couldn't even be in the same room as you without feeling double-crossed. Also, it was now around 5 am. You just nod and open the car door, slamming it for extra effect. Yes, you were mad. He was dodging your questions!

"Can we get a room for one night, please?" Steve shifted awkwardly in his spot. You watched him, how he messed with his disgustingly perfect hair. God, he was so annoying. 

"Yeah, sure thing." the man at the counter handed him a key to a room. The hotel wasn't a five-star establishment, but it'll do for one night. Steve opened the door and sighed. "One bed. This is great." He put his bag down and rubbed his face tiredly as if it would magically fix the situation. 

"I'll take the chair, don't worry about it." you held your own bag in your hand, watching him turn to you as he shook his head. "No, you take the bed." he sighs.

"Steve, you and I both know you wouldn't get any sleep if I took the bed. You need all the energy for the drive tomorrow. Just take the bed." you appreciated Steve wanting you to take the bed. Unfortunately for him, you both were experts in being stubborn. 

"Nope, either you take the bed or I'm gonna sleep on the floor." your jaw dropped, sometimes he was fantastic at getting his way. Charming asshole. "Fine! Neither of us will be taking the bed that we paid for!" You crossed your arms. "I'm gonna go take a shower, you either take the bed or neither of us is sleeping tonight." 

You turned your back and ignored the frustrated sigh that came from Steve as he sat on the bed. Steve liked to be a gentleman, and he was beyond furious that you were being so stubborn. He understood though, he wanted to argue with you but he knew it wasn't worth it. Even if he could somehow reignite the friendship, he was sure that he would not be able to look at you without thinking about the rumor about you, that you were using him. He wanted to believe that you wouldn't, but he couldn't take a chance and have his heart broken. 

He was enamored by you, and he would have told you if his friends hadn't told him about your secret plan to use him for his money and his popularity. Deep in thought, he didn't see you walk out in your towel after your shower until you were snapping. "Hello? Steve?" he broke out of his trance and tried his best to focus on your eyes. The warm steam from the bathroom made him yearn for a long shower to clear his mind. He stood up. "I'm gonna go get some air so you can get dressed." as much as he enjoyed the view, he didn't want to make you uncomfortable, even if he disliked you sometimes.

He sighed and breathed in the fresh cold November air and smiled. It was stupid, how affected he was after such a long time. Friends separate, it happens every day. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Why did you have to be so complicated?

Steve came back inside, only to be met with you sitting on the bed crossing your arms. Shit, what now?

"Alright, tell me what's going on? Why are you so quiet, ignoring me?" part of you felt he was tired of you, the same way you felt when he suddenly ghosted you. "There's a lot we need to talk about and I don't want either of us to go to bed angry. Can we at least try to talk it out?" Steve noted the hopefulness in your voice and it annoyed him.

What was there to talk about? You were using him! Pretending to be his best friend so you could get a leg up in the 'popularity war' in sophomore year! "I'm not angry. There's nothing to talk about." He sat on the chair on the other side of the room, making you laugh. 

"Really? Then why are you sitting on the other side of the room?" you pointed out. He didn't realize it himself until this moment. He was avoiding you even when you two were in the same room. He'd rather die than admit that though.

"Oh my god, can you just accept that not everything is a microaggression and that you're not always the victim?" he winced at his own harshness. You stopped fixing your clothing. "Excuse me? Since when have I said I was the victim?" he felt anger boiling inside him. 

"Since I knocked on your door, Y/n. You've acted like I've slighted you. Meanwhile, I've only been reciprocating the bullshit you've put me through since we separated!" You scoffed. Is he serious?

"Me? My bullshit? You ghosted me, and acted like we were nothing out of nowhere! Do you know how much that hurt?" Steve stood up and walked towards the door, flinching when you grabbed his arm.

"Don't walk away from me. All this time I've been thinking about why you decided to leave!" He turned around, and his face was flushed. It looked like he was holding back. "Just tell me!"

"How long have you been using me, Y/n? How long have you been leeching off of me and pretending to be my friend?" your heart sank. "What are you talking about?" Steve chuckled and shook his head in disbelief.

"No. What are you talking about? You've acted like you're so upset that we aren't friends anymore but you never even liked me! Using me for my popularity, my money, I honestly didn't think you could ever stoop that low but here we are!" Steve threw his hands up dramatically. He was done, done talking with you.

"Using you? Steve do you honestly think I would do that?" you felt yourself tear up at the thought. He didn't believe you?

"No! Don't try to lie your way out of this! You might have thought you were smart but you got caught. I was too blind to see it but my friends could. They let me know who you truly are, a snake!" he opened the door. 

"I need some air, don't wait up for me."

//whew y'all! Are you ready for part 3?? Definitely some angst smut next chapter!! Who's up for some one-bed trope?

[canarias-stuff]

A STORY FOR 🎃🕸TDDK HALLOWEEK 2023!🕸🎃

Based on Day 2 Prompts: Mirrors / Haunted / "Ghosts never speak till spoken to."

SUMMARY:

“You came back?” Was the first thing that the mirror said, a curious expression on his face. “I thought that you were done here?”

“What are you?” Todoroki asked, ignoring the mirror’s question.

“I already told you, I am a ghost.”

“I spent my whole weekend researching supernatural stuff, my google looks like I am ready to be a ghost hunter, but things still don't make sense! Your existence still doesn’t make sense!” Shouto spilled, his frustration at the topic leaking with every word. “I can see you, but I can’t prove your existence with numbers or logic! And this is so weird, because, what the hell am I doing?! Talking with a mirror?! The only logical explanation here is that I am finally crazy!”

Woah!, Shouto thought, surprised by his own outburst. Last time that he got to say so much in just one breath was at Asui’s 18th birthday party when he got really drunk, and was explaining why people should eat soba instead of ramen.

Or, a TodoDeku story where Todoroki talks with a ghost trapped inside a mirror.

Ao3 link:

“Did you hear?”

“Hear what?”

“What?! You didn’t hear about it?!”

“About what?!”

“It appeared!”

“What appeared?!”

“The ghost!”

…

Medical student Todoroki Shouto was a science type of person. Math, biology, physics and chemistry make a lot of sense, you can prove stuff using logic, numbers, chemical experiments, and you can show people that a bacteria exists using a microscope. 

As long as you can give concrete proofs about something, that exists. It's not a rumor or gossip. Numbers and logic don’t lie. It shows you a fact, and even if you don’t understand why you should use that formula, as long as you use that, anyone will have the same result.

It is a fact. It is rational.

But that is his opinion, as a logical person. People are free to believe in whatever they want, but Shouto just didn’t understand why other people were so adamant on believing in…ghosts.

For some reason, since he arrived at his class that morning, the students from all departments were gossiping about the oldest building in the campus - the one that right now was under renovation. From what Shouto heard so far, something, a ghost of all things, showed up there.

He didn’t care about it, zombies and vampires could be spotted around the old building and he still wouldn't care, so he ignored the rumors and continued his day. Or so he did until lunchtime.

“So, Tsuyu-chan told me that Toga-chan told her that someone from the art department went to the oldest building in the campus because of a bet.” Uraraka said as soon as she sat at their regular table in the gardens.

“Oh, is that about the rumors that I’ve been hearing since morning?” Yaoyorozu asked, unwrapping a big sized (and really expensive looking) bento. “About the ghost?”

Todoroki had to control himself, or he would roll his mismatched eyes over this ridiculous gossip.

“I also heard about it.” Jirou commented, pointing her chopsticks at no one in particular. “And the students are also posting a lot of comments and stories about the rumors on the official students page on twitter.”

“Even the teachers had their own opinions about it.” Iida added, fixing the position of his glasses on his face. “Hizashi-sensei was yelli- I mean, sharing his ideas for 10 minutes.”

“This is ridiculous.”

Four pairs of eyes turned to look at the white and red haired boy, who was munching his soba undisturbed by the stories.

“A ghost. Really?”

“Come on Todoroki! You don’t have to sound so annoyed. It’s just for fun.”

“I just can’t understand what is so fun, Jirou.” He admitted, expression serious. “Why do people insist on telling stories about ghosts? It doesn't even exist, it’s so obvious it is a lie, and everyone still gossip and speculate about it.”

“Woah! Sometimes I forget that you are the ‘it doesn't exist until it’s proved the opposite’ type of person!” The short haired brunette girl whistled amused by her friend's comment. “But anyway, it’s not a lie.”

“And how do you know?” He arched a perfect red eyebrow. “Where is the proof?”

“It’s not a lie, but I also didn't say it’s true. It’s a rumor.”

“...It’s a lie.”

“Todoroki-san, just because you don’t believe it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.” Yaoyorozu interrupted, her voice soft and understanding. “I know that you are skeptical about this kind of stuff, but some people believe and you have to respect it, okay?”

“Sorry…I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“I know.”

“But.” He added. “I just don’t…understand.”

“I know what you mean.” Iida seconded. “I am a math and physics student, so I understand that logically speaking, ghosts and the supernatural in general are something that challenges everything that we learn.”

“Oh guys, come on!” Ochako grunted. “You don’t have to believe! Just think that this kind of story appears once in a while for the college student’s fun experiences! I mean, remember back in our school days when people were always gossiping about the School Seven Mysteries? Here at college it is not so different!”

“Uraraka is right, you don't have to believe." Kyouka nodded. "I don't believe it either because I never saw a ghost or whatever, but still, it is fun when people do courage tests and other events."

Well, Todoroki could agree with it. It was fun to see Kaminari and Ashido, two of their high school friends, run around the forest after being hit with a piece of konjaku during a courage test during their senior year.

"By the way, what are the rumors saying?" The tallest girl in the group asked. "I didn't hear about the specifics about the rumors…I was too worried about the mock test…"

"Well, Tsuyu-chan said that this art student went to the storage in the old building because they lost a bet."

"You already said it." Todoroki commented.

She didn't mind Todoroki and continued.

"The thing is, there is a story about a mirror in the storage room."

"A mirror?" Iida sais retorically.

"There's a rumor…"

"Again a rumor…"

"Be quiet, Todoroki!" Jirou snapped.

"...that says that the spirit of a student is locked inside the mirror, and if you call it, it will answer any question. Some people say that it can even tell you about your future."

"And what do we need to say to call it?" Momo asked, genuinely curious about the story.

"Mirror mirror of mine."

They stared at Uraraka.

"What?" Jirou asked dumbfound.

"Yeah, I know, kind of a Snow White punchline, but that's what the rumors say!"

"Seems like Snow White will show up in the mirror." Shouto lips curved up, amused. "Or the seven dwarfs."

"As long as it is not the Evil Queen, anyone is okay." Ochako giggled. "But anyway, the thing is, the student said these words, and something really showed up in the mirror!"

"His reflection. It's a mirror." Came Todoroki dry comment, but his friends ignored him as Ochako continued the story.

"Unfortunately, the student freaked out and left, so we don't really know if the ghost in the mirror can tell you about the future or something like that." She sighed disappointed.

"That's a shame." The ponytail girl said, a hand on her cheek. "If this is true, I would like to know what I am doing in the future so I can prepare better."

"You already do good enough, Yaomomo." The short black haired girl tried to cheer her best friend, patting her on the back. “But it does sound like the kind of story that people would gossip around the campus.”

“Don’t you think so?!” The brunette exclaimed. “If I wasn’t already scared of the old building alone, I would like to take a peek at the mirror and ask the ghost how I can become rich!”

“It’s a mirror.” Todoroki repeated. “It will show your image, and that’s already an answer for your question. Only you can make yourself rich.”

Uraraka rolled her eyes. 

“So why don’t you go there and tell me if it’s real or not?”

“Why should I?”

Their friends looked back and forth from those two, clearly, something interesting would come now.

“You want proof that ghosts don’t exist, so go to the old building and call the ghost.”

“This is ridiculous.”

“No, this is science.” Ochako grinned. “You prove theories by trying them, right? So say ‘mirror mirror of mine’ and see what happens. You will prove a point, and entertain your curious friends! It’s a win-win situation!”

Mismatched eyes stared at the brown ones for a moment.

Todoroki sighed.

“Fine.”

…

The sky was already a dark shade of orange and purple when Shouto’s classes ended that day. His friends were probably gone by now, fridays were the days that his classes last longer than the other majors, and no matter how much his friends love him, they definitely love their early freedom on fridays more.

He was tired, and had a lot of homework and a new project to start, but when he was passing by near the old building, the conversation with Uraraka came to his mind.

Proof.

If he goes inside now, he can show Uraraka that rumors are rumors and that ghosts don’t exist, and the earlier he does it the better, or Uraraka would definitely say something like he is afraid of entering the building or whatever.

He approached the building and pushed the door open, a loud crack sound echoed in the empty hallways, and for a split second Todoroki thought that this scenario looked like one from a horror movie that his friends forced him to watch years ago.

There were a lot of paint cans, wood and other tools like hammers and saws scattered around, after all, the college was indeed renovating the building, but no one was there, probably all the workers left early. Well, it’s friday.

“By the way.” Todoroki abruptly stopped walking, mismatched eyes looking around. “Which room has the mirror?”

Of all things to forget, he forgot to ask Uraraka where he was supposed to find the mirror.

…

The sun was long gone when he finally found a storage room for the theater and arts department. The room was filled with costumes, boxes with makeup, brushes and paint, there was some cardbords and signs stacked in one of the corners of the room, but the flashlight of his phone wasn’t good enough to distinguish what was written or draw on them, and Shouto didn’t want to turn on the lights of the building, the last thing he wanted was the security coming by and ask what he was doing there.

Going deep inside the storage, something reflected the light of his flashlight.

A mirror. A full length mirror hanging on the wall.

“Must be this one.”

A rectangular mirror with a golden frame. There was a crack from the top right corner to the bottom left corner, slightly distorting his reflection. Shouto put his phone on the floor and grabbed the mirror, taking it from the wall and turning it around to take a look behind it. It was heavy, but then again, the mirror was glued at a wood surface.

He inspected the object for a full minute, but nothing was wrong with it. It was a normal old mirror that the arts department probably dropped, but was too lazy to throw in the trash.

There’s just one thing left to do. Todoroki thought, putting the mirror back at the wall.

He stared at his reflection, his mouth opened.

“Mirror mirror of mine…” What was he supposed to say now? A question? What should he ask? He didn’t have anything in particular to ask anyway. “...Is there anyone more beautiful than me?”

Okay. What the hell just came out of his mouth? He joked about Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, but his brain must have had a really bad short circuit, because what the hell he just said?! Thank God no one was there to hear that…

A giggled.

…or so he thought.

“Who is there?” Shouto called, eyes looking around the room, because he heard someone giggled.

“Well, so far, you are the prettiest person I have ever seen." Someone said, voice muffled. "But this is just my opinion."

The college student turned his head, once more looking at his reflection in the mirror, this time though, his reflection was not alone.

Big emerald eyes, curly and fluffy green hair, cheeks painted on freckles that looked like stars, and an amused but sincere smile.

"Hello!" The boy in the mirror said when their eyes met, the smile still playing on his lips.

Todoroki flinched. WHAT.THE.HELL?

"Oh, you are the first one that doesn't run away on the spot!" 

There must be a logical explanation for this, Todoroki told himself, because how is it possible that...that...an image(?) was talking with him?

"Hum...? Hey?" The mirror waved a hand. "Are you okay? Oh, please, just don't pass out here!"

"I..." He cleared his throat. "I won't." Shouto found his voice again, mismatched eyes never leaving the mirror.

"Thanks god! I was really worried for a second!" And the mirror sighed like he was really relieved.

Shouto studied the mirror again. Was it really a mirror? Maybe it was a screen and someone made a really good job programming an A.I?

"I am not a TV, app or A.I." The green haired boy said amused, and Shouto flinched again, surprised that he was muttering.

"So..." He couldn't believe what he was about to ask. "...what are you?"

"Not 'Who are you' but 'What are you' ..." The boy paused. "I would like to say that I am a person, but people call me a ghost."

A ghost.

Hah. Great.

"Ghosts don't exist." Shouto denied, not wanting to believe in what he was looking at right now.

The boy in the mirror blinked a few times, pointed a finger at his own face, and arched an eyebrow.

"But I am right here...?"

"You're not a ghost."

"If I am not one, then what exactly am I?"

"...I don't know... yet ."

"Oh! I see!" The mirror snapped a finger, face suddenly lighting up. "You are shocked! Or just in denial!"

"I am not!" Todoroki grunted. What was happening? He was arguing with a mirror? He must be dreaming or gone insane! Where was the logic that he liked so much?

"Sure~"

Was the boy in the mirror sassing him?

"Anyway, did you just come here to ask me that?"

"What?"

"I mean, did you really ask me the same question that the Evil Queen used to ask her mirror?"

"I didn't know what to ask." Todoroki replied dryly, and then added. "And I didn't believe or expect that something would answer me at all."

"Well, I answered, so what do you want to do now?"

Shouto stared at the boy, analyzing him. Now that he calmed down and was trying to better assess the situation, he could see that the boy was wearing some kind of costume, like a jumpsuit, and black ironed shoes. The green haired boy was probably shorter than him and around his age. If this was some kind of prank, the mirror boy sure was doing a good job.

"I am leaving." Shouto said suddenly, grabbing his phone that was still on the floor, and turning his back to the mirror.

"Oh." He heard, and it sounded really sad. "Bye bye."

The red and white haired college student closed the door behind his back and quickly left the building.

...

Todoroki didn't tell his friends about the mirror. He spent all weekend searching for logical explanations for what happened at the old building, because as a scientific person, how could he accept that whatever he saw that day was a…ghost?

No. No way.

There must be a logical answer for that. So he researched, and researched and researched. The algorithms for his google showing now, articles about ghosts and other supernatural figures, people trying to hunt said ghosts or communicate with them.

When monday arrived, Todoroki did his best to avoid his friends, because right now he was a man on a mission to prove that whatever was that person he saw in the mirror, was not a ghost.

…

Shouto lied to Iida, saying that he would go to the college library to study for a mock test, and being a serious student, Iida nodded and walked away, proud of his best friend.

Now, the half white and half red haired student was standing in front of the mirror, on a late monday afternoon, glaring at his own reflection and waiting for the green haired boy to show up.

“Hey, where are you?” Shouto said, but the mirror was still only showing his reflection. He pondered for a second. Was the ‘mirror mirror of mine’ a condition for the other boy to show up? He should try. “Mirror mirror of mine, where are you?”

He blinked, and on the next instant, green eyes were staring back at his own mismatched ones.

“You came back?” Was the first thing that the mirror said, a curious expression on his face. “I thought that you were done here?”

“What are you?” Todoroki asked, ignoring the mirror’s question. 

“I already told you, I am a ghost.”

“I spent my whole weekend researching supernatural stuff, my google looks like I am ready to be a ghost hunter, but things still don't make sense! Your existence still doesn’t make sense!” Shouto spilled, his frustration at the topic leaking with every word. “I can see you, but I can’t prove your existence with numbers or logic! And this is so weird, because, what the hell am I doing?! Talking with a mirror?! The only logical explanation here is that I am finally crazy!”

Woah! , Shouto thought, surprised by his own outburst. Last time that he got to say so much in just one breath was at Asui’s 18th birthday party when he got really drunk, and was explaining why people should eat soba instead of ramen.

“...Are you done?” The mirror asked.

“...Yes.” The student answered, sitting in front of the mirror.

“What is your name?”

“Todoroki Shouto.” There was a pause. “And you?”

“Well…I am not really sure.” The boy said sincerely. “But I remember someone calling me Midoriya something. Well, something that sounds like Deku.”

“Deku?” Shouto parroted. “That…sounds mean.”

“Yeah, I know. But if this is my name…well, that’s fine.” The mirror, Midoriya, shrugged. “Why…did you come back? People usually leave here crying and shouting and never come back, but you…are here.”

“I am trying to understand your…existence.” And Shouto was trying really hard. “People die, and that’s it. The end. There’s no life after you die.”

“Some things can't be explained. And I am some kind of proof, right? After all, you can’t really pinpoint why I exist, and I don’t think any scientist would understand either, I don’t understand, and I’ve been here for a while.” Deku commented, but there was no arrogance in his voice, he was just saying what he really believed. 

“How long? I mean, how long have you been trapped?”

“Hum…that’s a difficult question.” Midoriya looked pensive. “After a while you kind of lose track of the time, since I can only appear if someone says those Evil Queen’s speech. So, yeah, it could be days, months or years, but I bet that I’ve been here for a couple of years.”

“That…sounds…”

“Sad? Lonely?”

“I was about to say boring, but it fits too.”

This time Midoriya laughed, and Shouto couldn't control the small smile that appeared on his own lips.

“Yes, it is boring, but most of the time I feel like I am asleep, dreaming about a world and people that I can’t remember after waking up…so yeah, but I can manage something. It’s not like I’m gonna die…again.”

“Don’t you…want to be free from the mirror?” Shouto asked, taking a look at the golden frame. “Find the light or something like that?”

“Of course I want to, but I don’t even know why I am here!” The mirror boy replied, biting the inside of his cheek. “Maybe I died in front of a mirror and my soul got trapped, people say that mirrors have this power. Or maybe I am cursed? Or I am the real Evil Queen’s mirror!”

“...Don’t be ridiculous.” Todoroki deadpanned. “And how do you know this kind of stuff? I had to do plenty of research to find some legends about mirrors and their power.”

“I am amnesiac, not dumb.” Came the reply, and then the laughter. “I don’t know either, I like to think that I was curious about a lot of stuff when I was alive, and even if I forgot my name, I still have the knowledge that I got during my life.”

“Remembering your name would be better.”

“Maybe yes, maybe no. There’s no way to know.”

They went silent, Deku humming a soft melody that Shouto never heard, but it was nice.

“Do you…want to know your name?”

Emerald eyes stared at him.

“What?”

“I said, do you want to know your name?”

“Well, of course I want to, but how…”

“I will do some research, try to find a clue about you, and with luck, we can get a name.”

“Would you…do something like this…for me?” Shouto didn’t know that a ghost or mirror could cry, but the small droplets at the corner of Midoriya’s green eyes were tears. No mistake.

“If I can’t explain rationally stuff like ghosts, I would like to at least prove that someone by the name ‘Midoriya something like Deku’ one day was a living person.”

“Thank you.” Midoriya said between sobs, hands trying to stop the tears that keep falling. “Thank you.”

And for the first time since all that crazy experience started, Shouto felt like something was right.

...

The days passed by, and Shouto would visit Midoriya every day. It was fun, Midoriya was a good listener and was really intelligent, he would always give Shouto his opinions on the papers that a teacher would score, and mutter over small things.

Shouto didn't even notice when he stopped caring about the logic behind Midoriya's existence.

...

“Another test?!” Uraraka exclaimed, clearly indignant. “How many mock tests have your teachers passed you in the last two weeks?!”

“I lost track after the third one.” Jirou commented, not really giving a shit about Todoroki’s possible suffering. “That’s medical students for you.”

“Ugh! This way you will never have enough time to check the old building!” The brunette complained, and Shouto had to control his usual stoic expression. “The rumors are already dying, and I still don’t have an answer about the mirror!”

“Rumors are rumors anyway.” Todoroki said, not letting a single amused tone of voice escape his lips. “And if you are so curious, just go there by yourself and check it out.”

“No way! I am scared!” She cried, arms around her shoulders, trying to protect herself from an invisible threat. “What if something really shows up?”

“Then scream and run away.” He answered. Shouto wondered what Midoriya would say to whatever Uraraka asked about.

Yaoyorozu placed her chopsticks down, and stared at Todoroki for a moment, but it was long enough for Shouto to realize that the ponytail girl was looking at him.

“Something is wrong, Yaoyorozu?”

“No, not really.” The tall girl said, but her eyes still had a curious light in them. “I just feel like usually you would answer a little bit different that kind of question.”

“What do you mean?”

“You said ‘Then scream and run away’ , when usually you would say ‘Nothing's gonna show up’ .”

“Ah. That’s true.” Iida agreed. “That would sound more like Todoroki-kun.”

“Heh~” Ochako hummed, amused. “Have you finally accepted that a ghost may exist, Todoroki-kun?”

“I never said that.” He stated, trying his best to keep his cool. “I just gave you a logical solution for a hypothetical situation. Or would you stay put and wait for something to jump on you like those stupid people from horror movies?"

“Of course I would run away! No way that I am dying like that!”

“I thought so.”

“Yaomomo, that is a totally Todoroki kind of answer.” Kyouka nudged her taller friend.

“I guess so.” Momo sighed and went back to her lunch.

Crisis averted.

…

“Why do you wear a jumpsuit?” Todoroki asked one day.

“Hum…I wonder why…” Deku answered. “But they are pretty comfy.”

“It’s weird.”

“No, it’s cool! Makes me look like a superhero!”

“Are you a kid?”

“I look around your age though?”

…

“Why do we need to say ‘Mirror mirror of mine’ to call you?”

“I don’t know. But it’s kind of fun!”

“For you.”

“Of course! Or maybe there’s a rule like ‘Ghosts never speak till spoken to’.”

…

“Someone came here today.” Deku said.

“What did they ask?” Todoroki asked, eyes never leaving his anatomy book.

“They asked about you.”

“About me?” He got his coffee, taking a sip of the drink.

“Well, the exact words were, ‘Mirror mirror of mine, how many children me and Todoroki Shouto will be blessed with? ’.”

Shouto spatted the coffee and coughed, Deku laughed the whole afternoon after that.

…

“You are popular.”

Shouto arched his eyebrow.

“Why do you say it?”

“I mean, people keep coming here, and your name appears a lot on their questions.” Midoriya smirked. “Do you want to know what they asked?”

The red an white haired student glared at the mirror.

“Let me get a coffee, and this time I can spat all my coffee in the mirror.”

“That’s gross!” The green haired boy laughed, and Shouto's expression softened seeing the mirror so relaxed.

“It would be your fault.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

…

“Todoroki-kun…do you have a girlfriend?” Deku asked one day, freckled cheeks slightly pink, and for some reason, Shouto felt his own getting hot. “Or a boyfriend?”

“No.”

“Hum…and do you…like someone…?”

That question was really tricky. Shouto should lie, but just one look at Deku’s face was enough for the college student to spill everything.

“Yes, I do.”

“Oh…I see.”

After that, Midoriya changed topics, and didn’t comment about it anymore, and neither did Shouto.

…

“Mirror mirror of mine, why can't I find anything about you?”

That was the first thing that he told the mirror that afternoon.

“I don’t know.” Deku said as soon as his image appeared in the mirror, a small smile on his lips.

“...I am sorry, Midoriya.” Shouto apologized, sitting in front of the mirror, a defeated expression on his face.

“Don’t make this face, it’s not your fault that apparently, I am a difficult person to find.” Midoriya joked, trying to lighten up the mood. “You’ve been researching for almost two months, you are using your precious time on stuff that you didn’t even need to.”

“But!”

“It’s okay. Really.”

“I thought…that I could prove that you existed.” Todoroki frowned, eyes looking at the floor and hands closing around the fabrics of his pants. “I thought that I could help you…”

“Todoroki-kun, look at me.”

“I can’t…”

“Yes, you can.”

Slowly, mismatched eyes looked up to find gentle green ones.

“You don’t have to wear such a painful expression.” The boy in the mirror commented, a gentle and soft smile on his lips. “It’s not your fault that there’s no information about me. Maybe I died so long ago that there is no data at all. Don’t blame yourself for stuff that you don't have control over.”

“I just wanted to find your name.” He muttered.

“I have one. Midoriya Deku.”

“You are not sure.

“I am, because is the name that you call me, right?”

“Midoriya…”

“Yes, that’s my name.” Deku smiled.

…

Something changed by the end of the second month since Shouto met the boy in the mirror.

“I hear someone calling my name when I am sleeping.” Midoriya said during one of their conversations.

“Your real name?!”

Deku shakes his head.

“No, they call me ‘Midoriya’.”

Shouto stared at the boy in a jumpsuit, Midoriya looked like he wasn’t telling him everything, but demanding answers was never a good option, he should be patient and wait until the grenette was ready to talk.

“Maybe it is a piece of your memory.” Todoroki tried, and green eyes stared at him. “And soon you will get an answer.”

“Yes, maybe.”

…

Three months after he met Deku, something felt off.

Shouto woke up that morning feeling like something was wrong. His alarm didn’t go off, he woke up 30 minutes before the alarm, and occurrences like that were rare since he wasn’t a morning person.

It was raining outside, the sky was gray, and once in a while he could hear the sound of cars running over water puddles. Usually he didn’t mind rainy days, but that morning, that kind of weather wasn’t helping him get rid of the wrongness inside his chest.

Midoriya.

The name of the boy in the mirror was the first thing that came to mind.

He wanted to see Midoriya no matter what.

…

“Midoriya!” He exclaimed, pushing the storage room open and going straight to the mirror, forgetting for a second that calling his name like that didn’t work. “Mirror mirror of mine, where is Midoriya?”

The clock ticked.

One, two, three, four, five…a full minute.

But Midoriya didn’t appear,and that made Shouto panic.

“Mirror mirror of mine, where is Midoriya?!” He tried again, however nothing but his reflection was there. “Midoriya! Hey! Midoriya!”

“...Todoroki-kun.”

The voice, that familiar and sweet voice came from behind him. Slowly Shouto turned his body, and behind him, was a shorter green haired boy, with emerald like eyes, and freckles that looked like the stars, wearing a green jumpsuit and black ironed shoes.

“Midoriya…”

“Hi.” The boy waved.

“You…” Shouto said dumbfounded, approaching Deku carefully, as if a single hasty gesture would scare him away. “...are free.”

“Yes…looks like that.” Deku agreed, not moving from his place.

“How…?”

“I had a dream last night, or more like I retrieved my memories.” He said, and when Shouto stayed silent, he continued. “I remembered why I was stuck inside the mirror.”

“Did you…” But Todoroki didn’t have the courage to finish that sentence, because right now, everything was too real.

“No, I am alive.” Deku said, and Shouto felt his heartbeat skyrocket. “And I’ve been alive for a really long time, when something called quirks were still going around the world.”

“Quirks?”

“Something like superpowers, I would say. Can you imagine a society where we had heroes and heroines running around the city saving people’ lives?” Deku explained, a little bit more excited. “That kind of explains why I am wearing a jumpsuit that looks like a Halloween costume.”

“Midoriya,” Shouto called, trying to make the boy come back to track.

“The thing is, there was a villain…her quirk allowed her to trap people inside a mirror, and I think she died before someone could figure out where I went. Time passed, and I was probably sleeping all these years, no one found me, and the first time I woke up, people were scared of me.”

“What was the condition to get you out of the mirror?” Shouto asked, stopping in front of Midoriya that didn’t back off.

“I had to remember my name.” Midoriya replied, a nervous look on his face. “For a few weeks, I felt like someone was calling me in my dreams…or memories, and last night…they finally said my real name.”

“...can you finally introduce yourself?” Shouto asked, lips quivering.

A few tears fell from Deku’s green eyes, but he smiled.

“Yes, I can.”

“So, mirror mirror of mine, can you tell me your name?”

“Nice to meet you, I am Midoriya Izuku.”

“Izuku…” Todoroki tried the name. “Izuku.”

It was perfect.

“Do you want to know who was calling me?”

Shouto nodded.

“Ask the question.”

“Mirror mirror of mine, tell me, who was it?”

“Someone that I loved so much, and fell in love once again.” Izuku said, loving eyes staring at mismatched ones. “Do you know someone that goes by the name, Todoroki Shouto?”

…

“Did you hear?”

“Hear what?”

“What?! You didn’t hear about it?!”

“About what?!”

“It appeared!”

“What appeared?!”

“The ghost!”

“Oh, is that about the rumor about the ghost trapped inside the mirror hanging on the wall of the storage room in the old building?”

“Yes!”

“No way, there is no ghost there.”

“And how do you know?”

“Because I heard it from a student whose grandfather used to study here. Did you know that is not a horror story? It’s actually a romance?”

“What? A romance?”

“Yep! They said that once upon a time there was a hero who was imprisoned within a mirror, waiting for his soulmate to appear, because that was the only way he could recover his memories and break free from his glassy confinement, so one day he could get together once again with his loved one.”

[mariacallous]

I do not need socio-emotional training or support at work! I want to be an adult that does my job to my ability and then leave. I think it becomes people's entire social lives or social support- the only thing I want to bitch about at work is work!! I do not want to be asked to visualize something or share my fears (I am not a sociopath; I have made many good friends at work, but I don't like when bosses/managers want to tell me how to feel or manage stress they cause)

No, I feel the same!

And it's so obnoxious and draining when it happens.

Our office has monthly meetings and the overall team director wants people to go around and report out about what they're doing/working on, but she always pushes people for specifics. So it's not enough to say "I'm working on my usual tasks". Except that one of the largest teams in our office is full of people whose entire jobs are usual tasks - they handle fiscal and budget matters and so there's not a huge range of work (but there is a lot of work to be done!) And so people get frustrated, especially because the director doesn't really care (or at least, that's how it comes across).

And this is how the bulk of the meeting is spent - so updates or announcements get rushed and people feel annoyed and like their time is being wasted.

Earlier this summer, the same director asked us "what's your personal goal for the summer and what's your professional goal? What do you want to improve on and how are you going to do it?" and spent so much time trying to get people to speak that it ate up the vast majority of scheduled time for the meeting. And then nothing really happened with it!

When we do have in-person things, when the director wants them and wants some kind of little get-together or snack thing, there's also no organization or planning, so it'll be mentioned, and then *maybe* *A* reminder about "feel free to bring something!" and then inevitably there's scrambling to find plates or utensils or whatever. The last time we did this, we had a pumpkin pie, a panettone, some fruit, and coffee and tea (but not cups, not enough forks or spoons, etc.) and that was it. And of course I and that other coworker got the conference room set up and arranged for it. And not enough chairs for everyone, so people had to bring them from their desks or offices.

We have a winter celebration/end-of-year thing coming up (next week I think, not this coming week) and I'm dreading it a bit because it'll be the same kind of thing.

There's all this talk about culture change and whatnot, but the point of culture change is that it doesn't happen by saying we're changing the culture and forcing it, but by consistent implementation and adjustments over a period of time.

This is the same director, btw, who is always talking about how behind on their email they are and how they're just getting to whatever document or email or item is being discussed right there in the meeting about said item, and who is completely unpredictable with when they'll respond to (let alone read) emails and other items.

It's like the worst of all worlds - all this touchy-feely socio-emotional bullshit *and* it's being done inconsistently and incompetently.

[dropthedemiurge]

Look at me being a Boston defender

I changed my stance on this character 2 episodes ago when I got to understand him better – and oof, this episode I wanted to run someone over with a car (Atom, walk carefully on the street)

But also I'm once again is fascinated by how much Only Friends love using parallels! This show just LOVES putting characters in the similar scenes or use same composition/camerawork but COMPLETELY flipping the narrative. And I felt it very strong today.

Atom being a little unsatisfied dramatic shit (no offence to Title but he acts annoying guys very well), lies to his sister about what happened between him and Boston, and of course Cheum reacts firsts and analyses maybe never. And of course, Ray and Mew give her full support as they just made up as friends, now their group is back and everyone else is kicked out.

All of them just took the information they were given by one very lying side and ran with it like they are used to feeling oh so superior and though i kinda dislike mew and cheum, i still have positive feelings about all of them, but at that moment I thought omg guys fuck you maybe

And I was surprised by a strong reaction I was having and the very righteous desire to protect Boston and prove them wrong! Then I realized something. It's interesting, because we had almost the same scene in the hostel.

We started from the Friends POV and we saw Boston intruding on a safe/home place where Ray, Mew and Cheum chilled. And we knew Boston was in the wrong there and did some shit so it was so satisfying to watch him be almost annihilated and drowned, the hurt feeling from everyone translated very well to a viewer.

And then we have the scene in Boston's home during him doing thing he loves aka taking photos (even not nude), where the Friends are now intruding without care.

And everything is the same. Boston did a shitty thing sleeping with a person close to one of his friends, Mew, Cheum and Ray have each other's backs and yell at Boston, same vindication atmosphere – BUT it made a complete 180 turn.

Because it's clear how we shifted POV to Boston, and we know his backstory, we know what actually happened and we've already been in his mind for quite some time so we understand him. That he just has a different frame for relationships and sexual activities and he doesn't understand how to navigate communication correctly, but he always tells the truth and this time he did it too.

Only no one believes him! Because his "friends" operate on all their previous reactions and knowledge of Boston. Of course, they would believe a poor little brother of Cheum, of course evil Boston tricked him and threatened him into sleeping with him.

Boston always told his side of the story but no one ever believed him or didn't want to understand him, and that's what makes you so frustrated and angry with them. They keep blaming each other without trying to understand (Cheum, I am SO looking at you and your double standards and oblivious perception) and they keep scolding him because they feel morally superior (Mew, I really don't like the new you and you probably always been like this but storytelling hid it from us and ugh).

I'm kinda not sure about Ray because at first he obviously protected Mew didn't expand the fighting, and here he's closed off and... looks conflicted? His only scolding was about "it's your friend's brother!" and that might be headcanon but we know Ray had to spent quite a lot of time with Boston before, and he's not a saint himself, I feel like if it was just two of them, Boston could even explain himself properly and change Ray's opinion. But definitely not when all friends ganged up on him and didn't believe ANY of his words. They weren't even ready to listen, they just came there to accuse.

I don't know, I'm ready to fight for Boston, dude isn't always pleasant but he needs someone to listen to him and tell him he's a worth being, because he already hides and cuts off his dreams and things he wants in life and his feelings too, and all his coping mechanisms are shitty and he gets blamed and hated for anything he does, even though he doesn't know any better or he gets blackmailed and defamed.

Of course he looks in shambles and on the verge of breaking down and seeks Nick out because at least someone is reckless enough and has a big heart to love him no matter what.

BUT I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE PARALLELS! Only Friends make so many parallels and each one of them is so delightful and fascinating! This show is so complicated and good.

[thefact0rygirl]

Hi Vee, the last few anons about engagement have really resonated with me and I want to add my own feelings. This is not directed at you, I just appreciate how you answered those anons and thought you would be the safest person to say this to.

Everyone is a lot busier now as we are forced back to the pre-pandemic 'normal'. Readers don't have the support system that writers do, so they're less likely to stay. And I think your point about fandoms growing and shrinking naturally is also true of this fandom. It is simply something that happens.

Writers responding to previous anons that they're not getting notifications of comments and posts not appearing in the search again is annoying. Readers have had these problems for months, but it is never considered in posts about engagement. They just do not have a platform to talk about these issues because readers follow writers, not vice versa.

I find other fandoms to be more welcoming where readers can discuss with writers in separate posts, but this does not seem to be the case here. Reaching out to writers through asks or DMs is almost never reciprocated, so advice for people to do so falls flat. Some writers are on discord where they have their own discussions, but readers are not included and there is nothing similar just for readers. While it's not the writer's fault, there is a perception of a hierarchy where readers are only that: readers. They're not people to include or interact with, they're just the people whose job it is to reblog and that is all they are good for. The writers who say 'cherish your writers otherwise they'll leave' could take a step back and ask themselves how they're treating everyone else. Do they cherish their readers? If so, do they communicate that? Do they engage with/reach out to readers, or do they stick with other writers? If readers feel like they're not actual members of the fandom, why would they stay?

A previous anon said that posts about low engagement are off putting and I agree. There are writers, who I have reblogged, posting about how current interaction is not enough which has made me feel incredibly unworthy. I might make a shorter comment than others do or add only tags, but that plus the time spent reading it in the first place is time and effort I could have given to someone else. It is this, and the difficulty in making connections, that make me seriously consider deactivating. After all, what is the point of me being here if all I am is an outsider? I'm here to talk about Star Wars and make friends with like minded people but I'm not good enough to create and it is very clear that is the only thing that matters here.

Sorry for the essay Vee

Hi babes 💜 There is no need to apologize! I’m honored that you felt safe enough to send this. The previous anons brought up what a lot of people have been feeling (myself included). 

Interaction is a sensitive topic - one without a clear and definitive answer - and that is frustrating. It’s not a comfortable conversation, but it's still worth having. Especially when so many people are feeling the same way.

You brought up so many important points, especially from a reader’s perspective! Thank you for sending this in. I’ve been thinking about this recently, and you articulated it so well!

We always say that fandom is a community, but there absolutely is an emphasis on writers. More often than not, we stress how readers should be interacting, but rarely is the opposite discussed. It's presented almost like a one-way street, and that doesn't exactly promote a community that is inclusive of both readers and writers. I can see how that might make a reader feel that they are only good for reblogging. That sounds really unfair, especially when many writers know what it feels like to be treated like writing machines.

And you're right. It's discouraging to feel like you're not good enough. If you always feel second best then why stay? No one wants to feel like that. I don’t blame readers for leaving or stop reblogging. 

Interactions are a complicated thing, and to truly understand it we need to look at it from everyone's perspective. It's not to assign blame to anyone (tbh I don't think that is helpful), but to understand what is happening and look at our own actions. Everyone's experience in fandom is valid. Thank you again for sharing this 🤍