missfigueras

[scarecrowmax]

ever just listen to a lord huron song a little too intensely and almost have a breakdown? because I sure haven't. no sirree

[slut4slytherinss]

Labyrinth

Pt. 1 - Gold Rush

SEND REQUESTS!!

Summary: reader finds herself falling in love, hard, for Mattheo not long after she broke her own heart over him. Initially convinced that she will never recover from her pain that he caused, she marvels at how she finds comfort in the boy that hurt her.

1,470 words

Warnings: cursing, basically the same as pt.1 minus the angst, so much cheesiness it’s gross, lovey dovey!mattheo bc I’m extremely soft, sort of angsty but in a beautiful way, these aren’t even warnings atp, the other students being jealous cunts, possible references to books or movies, Regulus is STILL dead (wdym he’s literally in bed beside me rn), Dorothea being kind of rude (dw my girl is still your bestie), Drastoria(to all you Drarry shippers I’m sorry), mention of ronmione, slight rush and basically no plot, SUPER FUCKING SHORT IM SORRY😞

2nd person pov

Hufflepuff prefect reader

Female reader

“It only hurts this much right now.” Was what I was thinking the whole time.

You walk down the hallway aside Mattheo, fingers intertwined. You agreed to try it out and it’s lasted a month, but that doesn’t stop everyone in the castle from starting rumors. He traces circles on the back of your hand with his thumbnail, in a comforting manner, he leans in to whisper in your ear “Let’s go back to my dorm, okay?” You nod. You two go to his dorm a lot, not to hook up, you haven’t had sex since the party, his dorm is like a safe space — and his friends are fucking awesome. You’ve barely even told Dorothea what your relationship has been like, becoming closer and closer with the Slytherins.

-

When you get into his dorm you take your robe off, leaving you in your white button-up, skirt that rests appropriately at your knees, calf high socks and black Doc Martens. Mattheo places your robe gently atop a chair next to his desk before taking his own robe off and kicking his shoes off. “Lay with me, love?” He asks sweetly which causes you to roll your eyes, but oblige. You lie next to him in the bed, just talking. That’s all you two ever do lately, though, it gives you a fair bit of anxiety — trusting him with your secrets. It terrifies you, actually. You need to just—

Breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out. I’ll be getting over you, my whole life.

Seriously. He’s unforgettable. You close your eyes and take a deep breath, trying to ease your nerves. Mattheo must feel how tense you are because he begins to trace stars on your back, it’s his little form of comfort. I’ve never been good at that, he’d told you once. Which seems like total bullshit because he always manages to calm you, or at least make you forget about your issues for a while. That also scares you, the fact he can make you want to cry, strangle him, and yourself, but also smile, laugh, hug him. Terrifies you. No one has ever impacted you this much. Everything is moving so fast, but Mattheo is there with you, along for the ride.

You know how scared I am of elevators. Never trust it if it rises fast, it can’t last.

-

You walk into your dorm, laying down on your bed and dropping your bag on the floor. You quickly turn over when you hear Dorothea’s voice “Look who’s finally home.” She says in an annoyed tone. “Dor? What are you doing in here?” You sit up, she looks at you with raised brows and crossed arms. “Really? You start dating Mattheo Riddle, leave me alone for weeks, get new friends and you’re asking me why I’m here?” You swallow, “You told me you’d get over him, you lied to me.” “Dorothea, c’mon, this is like—like a trial, to see if we’re good together, he’s really sweet.” You try to justify your actions “He’s Mattheo Riddle!” She whispers aggressively, shaking her head. “He’s my boyfriend!” You spit out, the word feeling foreign on your tongue. Dorothea visibly flinches, “What?” “He’s—he’s my boyfriend,” you repeat, more confidently. “You just said that the relationship was a trial.” “Well it is, but he’s still my boyfriend. Mine. So stop trying to criticize him and me simply because I care for him.” You breathe out that last part “You care for him?” She asks with a raised eyebrow. “Yes, I care for him. It’s not like—I’m in love with him or something, I just care.” You say quickly. You’re not in love with him. You can’t be, right?

Uh oh, I’m falling in love again. Oh no, I’m falling in love again. Oh, I’m falling in love. I thought the plane was going down how’d you turn it right around?

-

The day after your interaction with Dorothea is, odd, to say the least. You sit outside in the courtyard, leaning against a tree, you’ve been avoiding Mattheo like the plague ever since your revelation. This whole things just feels so—raw. But of course he found you.

It only feels this raw right now, lost in the labyrinth of my mind.

“Hey,” he gives you a small smile. “Hi.” You reply, he sits down next to you. “I haven’t seen you all day, you avoiding me?” That causes you to laugh—and also tell the truth with a few nods. “Yeah, yeah I have.” He tilts his head but doesn’t seem upset in the slightest. “Why’s that?” “Well��um,” you try to get the words out but they seem a little stuck. “It’s okay, take your time.” He brings his hand down to hold yours, tracing gentle circles on your palm. You smile and lean your head on his shoulder. “I care about you, Mattheo.” You admit. He grins, really grins. “I care about you too.” The boy says, “Really?” He nods “Always have,” he leans down so his lips are right next to your ear, “always will.” His whisper is like a secret for only you to hear, a promise that will never be broke, a sacred oath.

Break up, break free, break through, break down. You would break your back to make me break a smile.

-

“Boys!” You call out in a sing-song voice, “I’ve brought sweets!” They got in trouble for talking too loudly during class and were removed from this weeks Hogsmeade weekend, you decided to buy them some sweets. Blaise is the first to you, “Thank Merlin, Y/n!” He snatches a bag from you as you giggle. You toss some sweets onto Draco’s bed as all the boys thank you, Mattheo stands up and wraps his arms around you from behind, kissing your cheek. That action causes all the others to groan and tell you to “Get a room.” Pansy and Astoria walk into the room, talking animatedly, Astoria sits on Draco’s bed beside him, tossing bags of clothes at him, “I’ve got you a new suit.” He grins and kisses the side of her neck in thanks. “Y/n! You totally missed it,” Pansy exclaims, practically shoving Mattheo off of you to lock her arm onto yours. “We caught Weasley and Granger snogging in the bathrooms at Three Broomsticks!” You giggle at her words and sit down on Mattheo’s bed with her, “Seriously? You steal my girlfriend and now my bed?” He asks Pansy, in a mock-offended way, she sticks her tongue out at him. “C’est la vie.” Blaise shrugs with a smirk playing at his lips as he eats the chocolate you gave him. “Speaking of that,” Theodore begins “how’s the sex Matt?” He teases, which causes you to blush and Mattheo to shove Theodore. “Shut it man, that’s so gross.” “Oh c’mon!” Astoria exclaims, “Y/n never tells us anything about it.” She shakes her head. “Maybe she doesn’t want to.” Mattheo defends you, you just stay silent. You tune them out, you just hate how everyone already wants you to be sleeping together. Why would you? It’s taken you long enough to call him your boyfriend, let alone touch him (approximately three weeks). Sure, you’ve hooked up before, but never as a couple. That act is supposed to be intimate with a person you care about. So why do it so soon? You’re taken away from your thoughts by the feel of Mattheo’s hand gripping yours.

You know how much I hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back. Just like that.

-

It’s now been around two months, officially dating, Dorothea has apologized and became friends with the Slytherin’s, it’s all perfect. Except, you and Mattheo still haven’t kissed nor done anything but cuddle and hold hands. You’re not sure why but the act feels too intimate, too scary for you. You’ve kissed lots of guys before—granted none were your boyfriend—but still. You can’t seriously be falling for him, right?

“Hey love,” Mattheo murmurs, dropping a kiss on the top of your head. “Did Dorothea let you in?” You question with a yawn, he just hums and nods, sitting next to you on your bed. “How’s my girl doing?” He asks, “Stressed and exhausted.” You reply as you trace your quill along the parchment “You’re seriously doing that extra credit essay?” “Yes, Mattheo, I am. I’m totally failing Slughorn’s class and he never lets us do shit like this for extra credit, I’m savoring it.” He chuckles and pulls you closer to him by your waist. “Just take a little break. For me?” You groan but end up giving in, leaning back against his chest. “You’re so lucky I lo—“ you cut yourself off quickly, immediately looking away from him. He stiffens, “You what?” He murmurs, you swallow. “Nothing, nothing important.” You say quickly. Mattheo desperately wants to change the subject so he just nods and looks forward.

Uh oh, I’m falling in love again. Oh no, I’m falling in love again. Oh, I’m falling in love. I thought the plane was going down how’d you turn it right around?

After a few minutes of silence, Mattheo speaks again “What were you going to say?” He asks in a whisper, his thumb tracing gentle circles on your hip bone. “It doesn’t matter.” You murmur, but Mattheo is quite persistent and asks again, you finally give in and mutter “I love you.” Which causes his breath to catch, I love you, those words shouldn’t be a big deal—you aren’t asking him to marry you or anything—but they are. He swallows before murmuring “Really?” To which you reply with a timid “Yes.” A slow smile creeps up on his face. “Well, I love you too.” You grin like an idiot, love, a silly thing to be obsessing over—but alas, you are.

Uh oh, I’m falling in love again. Oh no, I’m falling in love again. Oh, I’m falling in love. I thought the plane was going down how’d you turn it right around?

-

A/N: sorry this one was so short, I just wanted to end this on a sweet note.. sooooo yeah. And sorry for the wait lol🙈🙈

[bee-named-alex]

Ok so ep7 of iwtv s2. One of the notes i wrote down as i was watching was "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. nope. just nope. jesus fucking christ don't you dare do this" so you can imagine how i felt. Spoilers.

Ok ok. So I'm so fine rn you don't even know how fine I am. I didn't cry even though I expected to, I was more like empty, which might be even worse (read: better) lol

I'll start with a few quick thoughts, before I get into the bigger things. For the first like 10 minutes I couldn't stop thinking about how great Lestat (Sam) looks like im sorry. Him uncovering the homophobe's filth back at him? 10/10.

The actors are just so- perfect I have to say. Like we don't know what's true and I probably shouldn't believe anything just to be safe, but I found myself believing them everything. Also the whole time I wanted to hate the audience but they think it's just a play and if I, with all the other knowledge, find myself drawn to believe obvious lies, it's not really their fault that they do too.

Let's start with Lestat then. I was so glad to finally see the "real" (not really, even Sam said so) Lestat again

I haven't read the books (and even if i did i know that they change things) so idk how they made him testify because I just don't think he would. Maybe they tortured and forced him, "gave him a choice", maybe he was planning on saving them. Or maybe he just actually was out for vengeance i just don't know.

"You cannot script a hurricane" yeah you can't I loved that him going of script threw Santiago off so much, lmao (like he literally said "I'm about to violate the 5th law" aka kill Lestat I love that. Lestat is such a little shit.)

And when he went of script he told the truth (or as close to truth as we got during the trial i feel). Yes he also did break the laws. I like that he didn't let Santiago manipulate the audience to sympathize with him (don't get me wrong, it's not that he didn't want them to sympathize with him, he just wanted to manipulate them himself lol)

His and Louis' first eye contact (at around 11 minutes I believe) literally broke my heart.

When he talks about the loneliness I can't help but feel sorry for him.

I found it honestly hilarious when he was recounting their whole history backwards, like bitch please, it literally happened the other way arounf. Idk why it was just so funny how he was blatantly lying.

But then when they fully revisited the scenes from last season my jaw dropped.

So firstly Claudia's turning... I am so confused by it. Because it's obviously different from what we saw last time - and the scene itself is so moving. I mean Louis begging Lestat on his knees like he's some god and trying himself and failing and Lestat doing it for him even tho he knows it's a terrible idea. But the confusing part - in Dubai Louis rn says that Lestat's trial version is better than his and that he didn't want to believe it at the trial but now he knows it to be more true.

But like last season, so like 2 weeks ago, he told his own version?? Did he not realize until now, that he's talking about the trial, that he doesn't believe it? Did he lie on purpose but change his mind, is he lying now? Does Armand have to do something with it again? Tf is happening.

And then the fight. Again it's different but this time I remember that we didn't actually see this part of the fight so it could technically be true?? I don't really know rn how big of a part we didn't see last time. But maybe the truth about the fight is somewhere in the middle.

Amazing scene nonetheless, again, if I didn't know shit, I too would 100 % believe Lestat to be the victim. Up until the drop, that is extreme either way.

And Lestat going fully of script here, and his tears and his regret and his voice trembling and I'm sure that he means it. It wasn't a part of the performance. Sam Reid, the actor that he is, fuck.

It is just wo so great, like these new versions we get by Louis telling the story of Lestat showing him the story (which Louis already told us very differently) and on top of that anything could be misremembered. Or edited Armand. Unreliable narration at it's best.

Ok so Armand. "I could not prevent it" Fuck you. No sorry I might be a little harsh but yea no actually I'm not.

First the thing with Nicki and how he was "helped"... Armand got rid of him to have Lestat to himself and now he's doing the same with Claudia and Madeleine to have Louis.

Him having to watch is brutal and I believe his emotions but not his words. It was terrible to watch sure and painful and he didn't want it to happen... but he still sold them out?

He saves Louis. And it's amazing, the fear for his love in his face as he does it. He says it took all his strength and sure. But he could've saved them all. He can literally stop time. Ok maybe not but I for sure think he could've done it.

And rn in Dubai he's trying to convince himself or Louis or Daniel or maybe everyone that it wasn't his fault. But Daniel seems to not believe him (and calls his shit out a few times, good for him). And he's also making Lestat be more of a villain then he is I think (he would not do nothing when watching Claudia's death I'm sorry, that's his daughter.)

Claudia and Madeleine. My heart broke. They were doomed from the begginning. It didn't matter if they fought or not, it didn't matter their love or that they were right, it didn't matter that Madeleine was innocent and Claudia justified (maybe) in her crimes.

It didn't matter that Claudia was right -"We poisoned him, he's fine now. I can also cry and say I'm sorry"- because yes this was exactly true.

Claudia's final request (and Lestat giving it to her and then looking almost proud?? after she says it) and promise of death to all the people who doomed her and Madeleine.

And her rage. "It was never about me" and that's also true and yet she dies because of it. Tragic.

Madeleine's "My coven is Claudia" is just pure love and again it's what dooms her and again it's fucking tragic.

Watching the execution I couldn't breath really. Hurts still. And I don't believe Armand's version of the story though. Not that he tried but couldn't save them, not that Lestat didn't even try.

Louis, poor Louis. Living with guilt and sorrow isn't easy and he's living through it again now. And he can't even trust his own memories. I need him happy. He's not gonna be but I need him to be.

Also his live burial?? like fuck. That was vile. Like we know that he is fine now but still.

Previews. Santiago will die and if he doesn't I will kill him. Louis is a pyromaniac (yay), I'm ready for the whole coven to burn.

From the trailers we didn't yet see the bookshelves falling on Daniel so it has to be next episode. Also we didn't yet see the Loustat hug and I don't think it's what happens after the trial, especially not with Louis coming to kill Lestat, so that would mean it has to have happened later (Dubai maybe? I mean we do need Lestat's side of the story next season so we could get him now.)

[organic-guacamole]

episode 209 spoilers below

I'm so late today but here it is

I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.

Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.

LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"

ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times

SEBLOS

damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋

CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!

we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.

old old movies-

is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-

i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards

aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls

(please ignore me)

y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her

ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.

so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them

do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....

speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄

big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that

I can't-

i won't work you over the break-

this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.

YES GINA USE THAT CHARM

QUEEN

FRENCH QUEEN

SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)

smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.

The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"

I love them your honour.

EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE

great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.

finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell

the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn

no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-

Ricky is me. I am burrito.

oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it

is that even the same lady or-

THE BEAN

THE CHICAGO BEAN

THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭

jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.

"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."

SO MANY CANDLES

WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-

is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-

Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.

EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)

oh not the tiktok kid✋

yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career

sir take a hint and leave

GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER

Ricky, walking in style✨

weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?

not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more

RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-

YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-

PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF

ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad

still don't know if I like Jack honestly

hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.

that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time

the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-

anyways wbk she's not totally straight

Jack are you a criminal?

quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker

THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN

the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now

stole her grandma's Pomeranian-

Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-

the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though

anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?

wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?

wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED

the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭

sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...

take that as you will

I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off

that's the most realistic part of this show tbh

shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...

Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...

KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS

I hate school

ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩

I never lie, except when I do-

son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"

2 truths and a lie👀

he's an Ariana fan 100%

called it.

OLDER BROTHER-

WHAT-

free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie

so has she been kissed or not?????????

I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly

but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn

same though Gina so let's be besties please

heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn

but wait

is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???

guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme

THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT

IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S

OMG I LOVE I LOVE

NOT THAT I KNOW OF???

ma'am did you just kill me

yes you did

Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship

YES IT DID SUCK

TODD SUCKS

LYNNE SUCKS

yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME

right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-

Richard needs a long hug

yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.

YES DYE YOUR HAIR

BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN

"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."

gotta admit I teared up at that point

not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-

Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?

also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg

"don't ask me"

"Carlos"

OMG WHAT HAPPENED

big red wants the tea

O M G

SEB IS JEALOUS

JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC

I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh

So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right

EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there

"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.

jealous seb = sassy seb

please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb

6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍

I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.

Jack please dont be like that, "yet"

chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰

(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)

Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least

Nini: "im good"

cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif

oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second

1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around

2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???

ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ

*chefs kiss*

now everyone shut up, EJ's singing

oh i think I'm pregnant

HIS MUSCLES

YES KOURTNEY

I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots

sebby makes me so happy

props to biggies editing skills honestly

PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT

AND SEBLOS OMG

big red lives for the drama

"wow" so true Ricky

no he is not cute, stop it

"holding" ok that's kinda cute

yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌

jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-

keep in touch if you want

ok I really like Jack now

if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?

like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?

I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold

Ricky's breaking my heart

that song just hurts

the only thing

now I don't hate Lynne????????

HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER

UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER

I mean I don't live her now but she's good

but honestly

"mom can I show you something"

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG

I'm sobbing please help

Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???

ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there

her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.

this episode was great.

it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.

Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj

[aliasimagines]

Insecurity // Dick Grayson

requested by a lovely anon!

1/2 Hi! Can I please have a dick Grayson x reader who is insecure and anxious and hasn’t told dick about it because apparently boys don’t like insecure girls. She feels she’s not good enough for him. She gets recognised in public as ‘dick Graysons girlfriend’ and the person says ‘he’s SO FAR out of you league. Haha you’re ugly and your relationship won’t last for long.’ 2/2 the she goes home crying and goes to sleep. Dicks comes to sleep and she in eventually she starts crying lying down and she tries not to disturb dick but he wakes up and says ‘what’s wrong oh noo?!!! And the reader tells him everything and how he could have anyone so why would he want her? And he comforts!!! And says cheesy lovey things and says how much the reader means to him and kisses!!! Thank you!!

word count: 1685

a/n: i'm sorry you had to wait for this, I ak having a hard time rn. But thank you so much for the request! I love getting requests! Also I kinda altered it and it's more angsty but I hope you like it dear! ❤️

You were already having a bad day. You had to wake up early for work. Had to leave without saying bye to Dick, as he was sleeping in after last night’s patrol. But you made a little time to admire your boyfriend. Peacefully sleeping with pieces of black hair covering his beautiful face. You glanced at your reflection in the mirror at the corner of the room. Despite wearing one of your favorite outfits you didn’t like what you see. It was just... One of those days.

Normally you’re okay with yourself but every once in a while you get extremely insecure and that’s when all those mean thought get to you. You tried to brush it off as you walked to work. To think about something else. And.. It kinda worked? You weren’t feeling extremely well but you put on some good music while walking and focused on the lyrics rather than you thoughts.

You stoped at the bus stop waiting for it to arrive. Watching a puddle in front of you heard some chatting from behind you.

„.. No. It’s not her. I mean look at her! The fuck! A top shot guy would date that. No, that is not Grayson’s girl.”

„She is I’m telling you! I saw her on a pic he posted. But you know what? Imma go and ask.”

You froze, hearing the conversation and hoped they weren’t talking about you. Sure you did know they were talking about you but still.

You felt someone gently touching your shoulder causing you to curse mentally.

„Hello, sorry to bother but me and my friend were wondering.. Are you y/n y/l?”

You swallowed the spit you had in your mouth and turned to see a woman. She had long fair hair and a pair of shiny green eyes, she is around your age.

„Uhm yes. That would be me. Can I help you with anything?”

The other woman you heard stepped closer.

„Are you really dating Dick Grayson?” you heard her voice. Like she didn’t believe it.

You took all your strength and nodded.

„Yes, yes I am.”you said, surprising yourself by not having a shaky voice. You were so close to a breaking down...

The both giggled.

„Aham, all right thank you!... Oh wait one more question... How do you do it? Are you using some sort of magic? It’s Gotham I wouldn’t be surprised..”

Your lips trembled.

„I.. I don’t know what you mean.”

„Come on girl. There us no way in hell a guy like Dick Grayson would date you. He is sooo out if your league. He is so damn hot and a son of a billioner! I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that you, a gray little nobody is dating him. No offense, dear, you’re just nit a good fit for him.”

You thanked every living creature because in that moment you heard the bus pull up. You manged to excuse yourself quickly and quietly from those bullies and ran to the bus.

The remaining part of the day is kind of a blur. You honestly have no idea how you managed without breaking down. You felt like someone was clenching your stomach and had the urge to cry the whole time. But until the moment you stepped in your apartment you did not.

You knew Dick wasn’t home yet. He works late. Gets up late. And latley... Your interaction with your own boyfriend was so damn little... That it was just another excuse for you to feel insecure.

Let’s be honest. He is such a beautiful man, amazing body, breathtaking eyes, always so kind and sweet to everyone. What if he is only with you because he feels sorry for you.

You never talk to him about your insecurities because in your mind that would only make his choice of leaving you easier. In your mind, guys don’t like insecure girls. Dick is an amazing human but.. Would he be different? Would he still love you if he knew how anxious you were? You keep telling yourself, no, he wouldn’t.

You only bothered to get off your shoes and coat and throw your bag somewhere. You made your way to your shared bed, lied down and hugged a pillow.

The bitter sound of your crying was the only noise in your home for... Hours? It easily could have been hours. You kept wishing Dick was here to comfort you but that you kept reminding yourself that if he saw you like this he would straight up leave you.

You don’t know when but you fell asleep.

Dick opens the door to your apartment so delicately, so quietly. He does not want to wake you. Ah, you. All day he waited for this moment so he could finally get home and cuddle up next to you.

With him working and being on patrol a lot he.. He doesn’t see you as much anymore as he would like. He feels bad for it. He tries to leave patrol earlier or skip it, when he can but still... When was the last time you woke up together? Or when did you fall asleep together? It’s been too long and he... He misses you.

After cleaning himself up and changing clothes he walks in the bedroom and climbs next to you. It is too dark in there for Dick to see your tear stained cheeks. But what he notices is that you are still in your normal clothes and not your sleepwear.

Maybe you were just too tired to change. He excepts his own little answer and goes to sleep.

You woke up with one of his arms around you. You have a moment of joy. A moment of forgetful happiness before everything hits you. You can make out his silhouette and that alone is enough for you to break down. You try to be quiet as much as possible.

You cry, thinking if he saw you... He could leave you. You wouldn’t blame him. You feel like there’s just problems with you.

You heart practically stopped beating for a second as you heard Dick shift in his sleep.

„Babe..” he mumbled.

You collected all your strength and answered, hopefully without a shaky voice.

„Go back to sleep, baby.”

But.. He didn’t. He turned fully towards you and still half asleep caressed your cheek.

„I missed you all day Y/N.. Are you crying?” he asked suddenly sitting up, forgetting about sleeping.

Damn it.

„Yeah... But it’s fine, Dick. Go back to sleep.. I’m fine” you couldn’t actually say the lats words because you started crying so loudly. You felt him hugging you close.

„Shh, y/n. You can tell me. That’s why I here.”

„I.. Can’t... You’ll hate me.” you whispered between sniffing and crying.

„What? No! I love you, silly! I won’t hate you!” Dick responds. He starts to think though. What could make him hate you...? Maybe you cheated...? No, he knows you didn’t. You love him.... you love him, right?

„Promise?”

Dick tries to be funny and offers you his pinky.

„Pinky promise.”

„I... Lately... I just feel so awful! All the time! I’m so anxious Dick. It’s so so bad. Every morning I avoid looking in the mirror because I hate what I see. I can’t even believe why would you even consider dating someone like me. The women I met at the bus station were right. You’re so far out of my league.”

In a way this was worse than cheating. Dick felt heartbroken. He failed at being your boyfriend. He was supposed to make you feel safe! Loved! To be a safe place for you, to make you feel trusted. He failed at that. What else hasn’t he notice?

Dick felt hot tears streaming down his own face. He pulled you closer to himself.

„Y/N... I feel so ashamed. I can’t imagine how badly I must have treated you to feel like this. After all I’ve done, or rather not done I extremely worried that you want to get up and leave me. I mean I would understand but...I love you! You have to know that. I am sorry for not telling it to you enough. I need to show my love for you more. And if that is what it takes for you to realize how an amazing woman you are than I will. Because you are, amazing, I can’t imagine coming home and not finding you here. You are the single most important thing in my life. I just... Me being out of your league? Hell! You are out of my league! I don’t deserve you. I know these oast few weeks we... We barley talked. Like really talked. I was so busy with everything but that’s not an excuse to leave you alone. I can’t even ask for your forgiveness... „

„ Dick... „

„ No, really I don’t. I am supposed to make you feel loved yet you think I would leave you because you are insecure? Because you are anxious? Those are more reasons for me to stay and help you. But you feel like I can’t help you with these and that is purely my fault. But... I promise if you give me a chance, I will make up for it. I’ll be the man you deserve. Shower you with love, listen to you, help you in every way you want. Because I love you,so, so much. I can’t stand to lose you. „

You bury your face in his chest and don’t even try to hold back the tears. He doesn’t either. You cry but you are happier that you got it off you chest. Dick cries, afraid of losing you. He won’t. You won’t leave him. It will take some time for you to fully open up and talk about every insecurity you have but Dick is willing to wait for you. He will wait for you till the end of the times. Because he loves you. And you live him. And for now, on this quiet September night, love is enough.

[mrs-dynamight]

Be Nice To Me 4

Part 3

*************************************************

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem!Reader, Denki Kaminari x fem!Reader

Warnings: Eventual mature content, angst, hurt/comfort, love triangle, the reader is lowkey toxic, everything will be adressed in every episode (:

Chapter warning: Just a single curse word.

Chapter: 4/? I'm sorry, this is going to be long :c but I just loooove writing it

Synopsis: You're in love with your best friend Bakugou, and you're cofessing to him but things get a lot more complicated when Denki starts to treat you different *wink wink*

Word count: 1.6k

Author's note: This is a little bit shorter, but it's pure fluff, and the next one is going to be so long they will compensate eachother, hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 4 Bloom- The Paper Kites

I was floating in cloud nine, everything I have ever dreamt of suddenly became true, there he was, the boy of my dreams liking me back, what else could’ve I asked for? Maybe a little more time together before he’s gone.

The doubts in my heart were getting more difficult to ignore with every passing minute, we came back to the dorms like two hours ago but I was incapable of going to bed, let alone trying to sleep, there was so much to think about, were we a couple? I’ve never had a boyfriend, I don’t know how these things are supposed to work, we like each other, that’s all that it takes right? A long-distance relationship? I’ve heard that those never work, or should we wait for him to come back to make it official? Aren’t we already official? We’ve kissed, like a lot, there was even some tongue; ugh those thoughts made me feel so embarrassed.

The light of my home screen lightly illuminated the room, and with my blushed cheeks I went to check who was messaging me, it was Kaminari, I opened the text that reads “R u awake? I had a nightmare and I really could use a hug from my bestie rn” followed by five crying emojis; “See you in the place” said my reply, the place was this empty service room in the rooftop of the dorms, nobody ever used it for anything so it is completely empty, we made a copy of the key one day that we had to clean the entire dorms because a certain yellow-haired guy decide to play “potions” in chemistry class, and since then it’s been our hiding place, it had everything that we needed, a lot of junk food, fairy lights, a portable speaker, blankets and an Opossum holding a cigarette poster in one wall; whenever one of us needed a break from the outside world we came here, this is our safe space.

I opened the door to the place and saw Denki standing there, he looked so tiny and vulnerable, I hugged him instantly, the dim fairy lights in the opossum wall made his facial features even prettier, it was obvious he had been crying, I didn’t asked any question and he didn’t said anything, we just hugged for what it seemed like hours, with a heavy sight he pulled apart and give me smile

-Thanks Y/N I really needed that- Said Denki with his hand in my cheek and his eyes fixed in some point between us

-They’re back, aren’t they? - I asked with concern

He nodded and lied in one of our blankets in the floor, I did the same, we both were looking at the glow in the dark stars glued to the celling not saying a single word, he held my hand and started to cry

-Why do they keep coming back? I don’t wanna be afraid anymore- I knew exactly what he meant, he had a recurrent nightmare, a big fight against villains, every one of us dying in awful ways, he is always the last one to die, and before that there is always someone telling him that he is the weakest of us, that this was all his fault for not being enough.

-Your mind is playing tricks on you, you are not weak, I know I’ve told you that a gazillion times, but I’m willing to do it a million more, all the times you need it, I’m here, we are all safe and sound, you have nothing to worry about- Anytime the nightmares come back I make sure Denki knows he’s just as strong as any of our other classmates, that he’s smart and capable of being a great hero.

-I want to be able to protect you, I don’t want you to die- Said Denki facing me and locking his eyes with my own.

-I promise you, I’m not going to die in the hands of a villain, I’m going to die being the coolest grandma in the neighbourhood, doing a sick backflip and daring Satan himself to come for my soul- I said to make Denki laugh, and apparently it worked

-You’re my best friend Y/N, I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here, please never stop being like that-

-Being how? -

-I don’t know, funny, smart, a real pain in the ass to the villains and the teachers, a stubborn whiney stuff-

-Are you sure you aren’t describing yourself? –

-Nah, I didn’t said the most handsome man who ever walked the earth, but you’re not bad looking-

We both laughed, I really enjoyed being around Denki, his presence always felt comforting, like coming back home after a long trip, or eating your favourite homemade dish after a rough day, like a cool late summer breeze, he makes my heart warm and my troubles go away, I never feel more like myself than when I’m around him. That’s what friendship feels like, right?

-Could you do me one last favour Y/N? – Denkis voice took me out of my own mind -I don’t want to go back to my room and have another nightmare, I don’t wanna make you unconformable or anything, but could I sleep with you? -

It definitely took me by surprise, we had a lot of sleepovers over the years, but never just the two of us

-I understand if you say no, but I promise I just want to sleep, and having you around makes me feel safe-

-I have an idea, let’s have a sleepover here in the place, I’ll put one of those white noise videos that last hours, so you don’t have to think about anything-

-I’ll set the alarm to get up early and go to our dorms before anyone sees us, thank you so much Y/N, I’ll make it up to you, I promise-

-You don’t have to; I know you’ll do the same for me-

-You’re an angel but with no wings-

-So, like a person? –

-Shut up Aubrey Plaza-

We were both lying in the blankets on the floor, our heads at the same level (look at the reference above) and I was slowly falling asleep, all I could hear was the white noise and Denkis soft breathing, I closed my eyes and just before I completely lost my consciousness and succumb to the tiredness of my body I heard it, Denkis soft voice, “I love you Y/N”. I turned my head to look at him with my heart racing miles, but he was deeply asleep. Maybe I just imagined the whole thing, it probably was my tired mind, I took one last look to the boy next to me, sleeping so peacefully and with a little smile in his lips feeling the same familiar warmth in my soul, is this really what friendship feels like?

The alarm went off exactly at 5 am, I woke up and it took me a moment to realize that I wasn’t in my dorm room, then I remembered Denkis nightmare, our sleepover, and that thing I thought I heard. I had to wake Denki up so we could go to our respective rooms without Aizawa founding out we were out of our rooms at night, or even worse that we had the keys of the place. I sat there and moved Denki to wake him up. He opened one eye and whined

-But moooooom, it’s Saturday, I don’t have to go to school-

-Come on Denki we have to go to our rooms-

-Five more minutes- He said and hugged my leg

-Do you want Iida to found out we didn’t sleep in our rooms and telling Aizawa? -

And just like that he got up and started heading to the door

-Shit, you’re right, come on, you know that guy wakes up hella early-

We were in the stairs heading to our rooms, and although we were on Denkis floor, he kept climbing down the stairs with me.

-You don’t have to escort me to my room Denki-

-Oh but I want to- Replied the yellow haired guy

When we were in front of my door he leaned down and planted a chaste kiss in my forehead.

-Thank you for being there for me, I will remember this night for the rest of my life- And he turned around without waiting for a response disappeared heading towards the stairs.

I stepped into my room with a heavy cloud around my mind, there was so many feelings inside me that I couldn’t even tell them apart, where do I draw the line between friendship and love? Between admiration and affection? Between what I feel for Bakugo and what I feel for Denki?

I closed my eyes and remembered everything that happened yesterday, Bakugos confession, our shared kisses, the promise we made, six months apart now sounded a lot more crucial, after all the things that could happen in the matter of a few hours. Did I just said that because the heat of the moment? The words Bakugo said to me sounded so mature and logical, not like my own thoughts right now, am I just a slave of my own feelings? How would he react if he were me? What about Denki? Was he aware of all those years after his friend? And what if he knew and that is the reason why he hasn’t told me anything yet? Maybe I was just overthinking the situation, nothing was written in stone, neither my relationship with Katsuki nor Denkis feelings for me. I was getting tired of my own thoughts running in circles and not coming to an end, so I wrapped myself in the sheets of my bed and prayed for my mind to shut down so I could get some rest.

************************************************

Part 5

Heeeey I just wanted to thank all of you who read my work, LY, the next few chapters will be like an episode of skins UK, soo be warned, also there is going to be some thirst but nothing too explicit because I'm a shy motherfucker. Enjoy the last chapter free from Mrs-Dynamight Drama™

Taglist: @mikasalt

[willykappymarnsmatts]

Wrong Direction: Chapter 3 (K. Kapanen)

@moriellymakesmesoft

My phone rings with a FaceTime call from Kasperi a few hours after we texted. My heart stops and I feel like my chest is about to explode. I let it ring out twice before swiping right on the screen to answer the call. When it connects, I see Kasperi wearing a light pink hoodie with the hood pulled up over his wavy brown hair. He looks so cozy, so comfortable. He smiles gently at the screen when I answer, taking me in the same way I am him.

“Hey,” he says so gently it's almost a whisper.

“Hey,” I say back. I turn on my side, laying under the covers on my bed. I continue to just watch him, my heart swelling. My feelings are so conflicting, but one thing I know for sure is that I'm still just as much in love with Kas as I was the day I met him, and that might never change. He was the first person I ever fell in love with.

“Look, Y/N, I feel so bad for what I did. Like, fuck, I don’t even know how to say what I’m trying to, uhh…” he looks away from the screen as he talks and tries to come up with words to explain himself.

I giggle slightly. He looks back at the screen, his brown eyes sparkling. “I missed that laugh.”

I smile gently back at him, my temples throbbing. “I'm still mad at you, Kasperi.”

He pouts. “I know. I know you are. I hate myself for ever causing you this much pain, believe me. I wanna fix this. I want to be the one to love you.”

“It's really not that easy. What you did is unforgivable. Do you really think I'll run back to you just like that? I have some self-worth, Kas, and I know I didn't deserve that. That night, I wanted to make you a nice dinner because I felt bad for leaving you at home while I was working, despite the fact that there was nothing for me to feel bad about because I was out working. I wasn't the one cheating.”

“I know. I know, I’m so fucking stupid. I really fucked up, I know. I don’t deserve a second chance. I don’t even deserve you talking to me at all right now. I deserve jack shit, I know that. But I don’t want to lose you. Is there any way I can fix this? I’ll do anything to get you back, Y/N.”

I look away from the screen and take a breath. When I look back, he's staring at me with the same doe-eyed expression as when he first asked me out. “I don’t know.”

He looks like he might cry, and in the back of my mind I feel bad for being so harsh, but I quickly push that thought away, reminding myself how grave his mistake really was. I went to sleep crying for months. I gave him my all for what felt like forever and he threw it all away in one action. Everything felt like it was built on lies upon lies upon lies. He runs his hand down his face and pushes his hair back under his hood. “What do I do to fix this?”

I'm silent for a moment, wondering if there is even a way to fix this. “Why did you do it?” I wince as soon as the words leave my mouth, unsure of whether or not I really want to hear his answer. “I, uhm, I never gave you a chance to explain yourself.” After I saw him in bed with that girl, I left without saying another word to Kasperi. And even though that's justifiable, I still feel a little guilty.

“I thought you didn't love me anymore. You were always out doing album promotions, and it felt like there was so much distance between us. I felt like you were pushing me away, and I didn’t want to believe that, I didn't want to think about it. I needed a distraction, and that sounds so fucking stupid, I know. I regretted it as soon as she walked into the apartment.

“Y/N I need you. I need you to understand how badly I need you. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't function without you. I know I don't deserve a second chance, but if you just trust me I know I can fix this. Let me fix us, please.”

I'm silent, thinking and trying not to think. “Kasperi that's the whole point, I can’t trust you, no matter how badly I want to. Please believe how badly I want to trust you like I did. But I'm coming back to Toronto next month. William’s letting me move back in with him.”

Kasperi’s eyes brighten at the news. “Then let me take you out. Let me, Y/N. Please. I miss you so fucking much, oh my God.”

I smile slightly at him, and it grows wider when I see his eyes brighten at the sight of it. If there were such things as soulmates, one person made specifically for another, I think that Kasperi would be mine. There's a lot of hurt in my chest when I look at him or think about him, but there's also an overpowering amount of love. “That would be nice.” He smiles so wide, the first smile he’s given me in what feels like forever.

“I'm going to fix this. I'm going to win you back. You're gonna be my girl again, baby, trust me. Oh, just you wait and see.” I can't help but smile back at him. There's a large amount of trust that he has to win back, but just hearing his voice makes me feel safe and warm and happy.

“Let’s see, Kasu.”

He just smiles back at me. “So, uhm, how are things in Montreal? How’s Domi?”

“Well, he's very much not on your side in this whole thing,” I laugh, to which he smiles and shakes his head.

“He was never on my side, it's not like I lost a fan or anything.”

I laugh, and the nerves in my stomach about calling him, about opening back up a wound that was just starting to heal, are gone. I still have my guard up, but he's my safety. He's my normal, my happiness.

My everything.

So I have to give him a chance to fix this. I have to give us a chance to fix us. Because he's my world, and it would be a mistake to throw everything in the garbage without ever trying to fix it. We continue to talk for a few more hours until I glance at the time and see it's close to three in the morning.

“Do you have practice tomorrow?”

“Yeah, at six. Why?”

“Because six is in less than three hours.”

“Are you joking?” He jumps slightly and his eyes widen as he searches frantically for the time to see if I'm telling the truth. I laugh at him and he calms down, smiling at me. “You're so beautiful.”

“Stop it,” I smile. “I know what you're trying to do and it's not gonna work, Kapanen.”

“I don't know what you’re talking about. I'm simply telling the truth.”

“You have to go to bed.”

He pouts at me. “I don't.”

“You do. I know you haven't been sleeping, you have to sleep tonight. In your own bed.”

He frowns, but nods. “I don't wanna hang up. I never want to stop talking to you ever again.”

“Yeah, well, your phone’s gonna die, and if you wanna talk after practice you should charge it.”

“You'll talk to me after practice tomorrow?” He sounds like a little boy who just got told he'd get ice cream after practice.

“Well, that's usually when I call William, but if you call me first…”

“Oh, I will, don't even worry.”

We stare at each other in silence.

“Good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, Kasu.”

“Can you hang up? Because-”

I cut him off by pressing the end call button and smile. Not even two seconds later a text dings.

‘HEY!!!!’

‘Go to bed.’

‘fine. but only bcuz ik i get a chance to win u back’

‘Mhm. Gn Kasu.’

‘gn <3’

I smile at the phone screen and put it on the table next to my bed. I should probably get up and take a quick shower before falling asleep, but I decide to just shower in the morning. I don't want to break the feeling Kasperi gave me. I smile as I shut my eyes, thinking that he really might love me as much as I thought he did before everything spiralled out of control.

I go to sleep with a smile on my face instead of tears in my eyes for the first time in months. Maybe I'm a fool, but that's what love does to you. I'm willing to give Kasperi another chance, because he really might be my forever person. I missed him more than words can describe, and I can't wait to see him again, to feel his embrace. I will always love him, no matter what, and despite the amount of hurt he made me feel, I know that we can make it past this.

He means so much to me, and I want to try to make it work, at least once more. I don't want to give up hope of a future with him, a future of late night calls when he's on the road, him coming to my shows, and little kids running around the house. I don't want to give up hope of a life with Kasperi, and I know that we can fix things between us. He loves me, and I love him, and with that we can get through anything together.

‘R u awake?’

‘im going 2 sleep rn but ya’

‘We’re gonna be ok. It'll take time, but I think we're gonna be ok, w each other’

‘trust me, Y/N, i will never ever hurt u again. i love you sm’

‘I love u forever, no matter what’

‘<3’

[alltimelowgoodtimes]

Me Listening to Wake Up Sunshine While Drinking Vodka Lemonade (Sorry if this is super long):

Some Kind of a Disaster: nice, bop, nice way to start the album

Fave lyric: You gotta hurt sometimes to learn to heal. You gotta get back up and learn to deal.

Sleeping In: Honestly this song makes me want to get up and just dance around my room. It’s so upbeat and I love everything about it. The lyrics, the melody, the vocals. Just yes

Fave Lyric: Honestly the whole thing but really “If I said I want your body would you hold it against me? 7 In the morning wanna listen to Britney.”

Getaway Green: This song reminds me of early 2000′s teen movies. It’s like a song you would hear during a montage. Nice melody.

Fave Lyric: Do you wanna know how the story ends? Hazy and spun out just more than friends.

Melancholy Kaleidoscope: Okay so this was the song I was most excited to hear but after hearing it I’m kinda eh. But really I think the beginning is okayish and afterwards the song picks up. By the time it gets to the bridge I’m ready to give 100 instead of 95.

Fave Lyric: Staring at the ceiling choking back my feelings. Can’t be 100 if you’re only giving 95. (relatable af at the moment).

Trouble Is: So far this one is my fave just cause THIS IS ME RN. That first verse and chorus. I felt that. Oh and that one little mini scremo part during the second chorus...yes.

Fave Lyric: Even when I try there’s a little part that gets through, hide away the feeling. Never was enough, doesn’t matter what I do. 

Wake Up Sunshine: THE TITULAR TRACK. Wasn’t expecting that intro in the beginning. Okay so this song is very like “im gonna do me and I don’t care what you think.” If I had to put this in a movie this would go in the scene where the main character finally decides to stop being what everyone wants lol.

Fave Lyric: You’re pissing away, everyday’s a cliche. And they say if you’re bored then you’re boring.”

Monsters: THE BASS IN THE FIRST VERSE! YES ZACHARY. I’m waving my hand up and down the whole song PLS PLAY THIS ONE LIVE.

Fave Lyric: this is gonna be basic af but “Why am I sucker for all of your lies? Strung out like laundry with every line. Why do I come back to you like i don’t mind if you fuck up my life?”

Pretty Venom (Interlude): This is a very interesting and different sound for them in my opinion. The way Alex’s voice sounds here reminds me of Simple Creatures a bit. 

Fave Lyric: The whole song. I fuck with the whole song.

Favorite Place ft. The Band Camino: This is a song I would love to hear live just cause I feel like it would sound great live. Like it’s a nice chill song after turning up to something else.It’s a very sweet song. 

Fave Lyric: Can we close the space between us now? It’s the distance we don’t need. <-----That’s very headass and I love headassery.

Safe: I like how optimistic this song is. It’s very “you got this” and it’s def a song I would listen to when I’m down.

Fave Lyric: For every long goodbye, I’ll be your future down the road. 

January Gloom (Seasons Pt. 1): I like how he describes this person who gets him out of this rut. I like it cause I can picture someone even though it’s not the same person he’s talking about. Idk this song makes me feel things.

Fave Lyric: You’re like the sunshine in the lazy days of June. 

Clumsy: Idk why but this gives me “Oops I Did It Again” vibes. Specifically the “I was bound to make a mess of things, mixin' fireworks and gasoline. Now I'm out to make you fall with me.” also i see the "dropping bombs” and “future’s past” nods to time bomb and future hearts.

Fave Lyric: I got too high on myself, too young and stupid to tell. (Mostly cause it reminds me of the great sing Walls, ya know “it was obvious you were too much for me, oblivious I was young and horny”

Glitter and Crimson: This is very “the world is against us but together we make sense” vibes. 

Fave Lyrics: The whole bridge

Summer Daze (Seasons Pt. 2): It’s not my fave, it’s kinda just there. But this is a song I would’ve liked to hear when I was going through my sad girl summer.

Fave Lyric: Even when you’re gone it’s like I heard my favorite song and I never have to wonder.

Basement Noise: THERE’S TEARS CAUSE LIKE I’VE BEEN LISTENING TO THIS BAND FOR LIKE 10 YEARS AND I’M JUST SO PROUD OF THEM. This is another So Long Soldier but way better. God I’m so proud of these 4 men

Fave Lyrics:  Honestly just this whole song I’m crying DON’T LOOK AT ME lol.

Okay so basically I love this album and it’s one that I can listen to more and it’s not forgettable (sorry Last Young Renegade). It’s very upbeat and motivational. It’s weird cause my two favorite artists (All Time Low and Taylor Swift) released these positive albums that make me wanna do better you know? But yeah I can’t wait for to hear this live. 

[wwilloww]

I’M SCREAMINGGGG I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT LIL GIF INSPIRED ALL OF THIS!!!! Ok first of all, how in the seven hells did Namjoon just “get a house in the mountains”??? But also, who am I to resist??? The whole interaction with Hoseok has me soft… like it’s so sweet and a lil spicey?? And I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks these two are a lil… too close. The fact that they’re getting the master suite and a whole ass bed to cuddle on has me reeling. My hamster brain can’t stop thinking “ISN’T

(spoilers for Sh. after the cut :)

lcksndkys said:

THIS A JJK FIC?!” HAHAH “Do you know what lies behind this door?... J-hope’s hot body!... Aren’t you curious?” I’M CRYING I CAN’T WITH YOU RN WILLOW!!! The way I nearly dropped my phone on my face reading this scene, I blame you!!! Def one of the highlights of this piece!! Honestly, what a perfect way to work that dialogue in the story. Well done!! Ok, but I have to mention the JK hoverbot 3000. He way he’s quietly trying to keep close to her throughout the night even when she went to go change with Hobi has me thinking. JK must’ve been quietly pining for her for a while now?? He must’ve watched her be handsy with Hobi for so long without letting his jealousy show. And I wonder if the quarantine kinda like… broke him? Like… he’s finally fed up with being passed over. I get the feeling she may be older or simply more mature than him since he said she’s always so good at taking care of them. And the part where she’s settling into his arms and realizes something feels different. “There’s a quiet kind of confidence to him that you hadn’t noticed before. An ability to sit still and silently and find comfort in that. God, it’s sexy.” Maybe she hasn’t seen him “as a man” in the past or something so he just stuffed his feelings down?? Ah, you’ve done too good of a job giving us just enough detail to their relationships, but not enough to get the whole picture! And the moment I’ve been waiting for… JungCOCK. “He has a boner from a car chase.” Sweetie, I don’t think cars inspired that erection HAHA the whole time she’s waxing poetic over his sweatpants boner, I’m hearing WAP playin in the background. I’m still cackling over her trying to quench her thirst with water cus I know firsthand that don’t do shiiiiiiiiit. And I cannot believe JK’s just nonchalantly walking around with his giant pussy destroyer dangling in his pants. “It’s a pretty little complement to have someone you like wanna suck your dick.” YES, im 10/10 sure he absolutely has been quietly pining over her and that thought makes my heart stutter a lil. “His hand glides up his chest to rub at his collar bone. His signature nervous tick.”  I love little details like this, makes JK feel so real to me. The way he asks if she’s willing to let him kiss her and how she asks to touch him tho had me SWOOOOOONING. I am a hoe for consent!! And I always find it so sexy when incorporated into smut. “Just by pulling slightly at the band of his sweatpants, the head of his cock pokes up, caught between the fabric and his torso.” Had me choking (unfortunately not on JK’s cock)!!! God, the sex was so hot and they haven’t even finished!! That cliffhanger had me shook. Like JK is balls deep… is Jimin joining them or??? They gonna move it into the bedroom? They gonna completely stop? Which boys know of JK’s feelings for her? Is there gonna be angst? Ah I’m excited to see this story unfold!!! I feel so honored that you chose to write something based off my submission!!! Like… I can’t put it into words how pleasantly surprised I am!! Pls know I appreciate you SO MUCH and respect your talent more than you know!! I hope you are well!! Pls accept all my love!

DEAR GOD MY LOVELY FRIEND 😭 Why is there water on my face? Why are my eyes wet? 

Who are you even?!? Like who are you that you can just COME IN HERE with these beautiful, long ass asks and fill my inbox and heart up with love?!?!?! WHO said you could do that?!?!?! 

But in all seriousness, I can’t tell you how freaking excited I am whenever I see your name pop up in my notifications. Your messages are so thoughtful and full and kind - and reading them makes me feel like I’m not just some rando on the internet throwing together “dick” and “cock” and “thrusting” and hitting the post button. 

I’ve seen how you also take the time out of your day to go and support and encourage other writers here on tumblr and I just wanna say thank you thank you thank you. The detail and love in these messages create one of the most encouraging experiences I’ve had on this site. All that to say I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU. 

And not to spoil anything (oh god imma have to be careful) but I’ve had this idea for a story running around my head since June or so - I’ve tried writing it a couple times but nothing quite clicked. And then you sent in this ask last week and my mind went REELING. It seems that all this story needed was a visualization of an unfortunate boner. (God, now that that’s written out, I’m not very impressed with myself 😂) So, please, give yourself a pat on the back for getting this story up and running!!! And also, don’t hesitate to send in whatever image or thought or prediction that strikes your fancy, because who knows, it might just end up in the next chapter. 

You, my little inspiration machine, are a precious being and I appreciate you so much. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[meganlpie]

WIP/Current Requests List

(This can be found on my blog page as well, where I will update it as I get through the requests)

WIPS (Fics I am currently working on to post): These are subject to change based on my moods and inspiration.

Unbreak My Heart: Anonymous asked: So glad requests are open, you’re my favorite blog. Could you do a Castiel and Reader song fic with the sing Unbreak my Heart by either Wheezer or Toni Braxton please? Again love love love your blog (I’ll be honest, this one is taking forever because I really don’t like the song XD)

Tears of the Widow: Another Wattpad request. for avengers, natasha and y/n has been together for a few years, when y/n gets called out for a week mission, and halfway through, something goes wrong and they had to abort the mission and when they get back, Y/n is bloodied and unconscious and natasha freaks and literally blames tony and fury and after a week she finally wakes up and everyone shocked when they see nat cry and when nat cries, so does Y/n and Y/n tells her sorry for making her worry and Y/n pulls natty in the bed and they fall asleep together.

Unique: I have an imagine request. It’s with dwalin because he’s underrated. He asks the reader to marry him in a unique way. Like maybe doing it at a farm sanctuary.

Muggle Healer: Anonymous asked: Oooooo….how about some Snape? Instead of dying, he lives and goes into hiding and ends up in a Muggle hospital where the reader works as a nurse. They get close and he ends up telling her everything. Maybe some romance?

Current Requests (Unstarted fics that are on the list):

Abducted: A Wattpad request. Hey meg ! So i finally came up with a plot , this takes place at the very start of age of ultron and is captain america x reader. So the reader is tony starks younger sister and while shopping she gets abducted by hydra and experimented on . She is isolated and experimented on , eventually she becomes enhanced , her powers are controlling all 4 elements , like an avatar. So when the avengers come to rescue her and retrieve the teseract steve confesses that he can‘t live without her and eventually kissing but tony disturbing. Back in the avengers tower steve never leavs her side and he stays with her cuddling the whole night and talking , the next day they train together and steve really helps her control her new powers and just a lot of steve fluff :)

Mission Memories: Another Wattpad request. I’ve had an idea for a Steve x fem!reader (also inspired by these two lol) only they’re getting ready for a mission (kind of like when Steve and Bucky are talking in Civil War) and he’s reminiscing. I just love Steve so much lol

Stowaway: Another Wattpad request. Howdy! I wish to inquire regarding a request of the Guardians of the Galaxy variety. A Drax x reader where the gang imprisons a stowaway but she convinces Drax to let her out through lies and deceit. Drax is unaware of her dishonesty and announces to the guardians right afterward whilst their mid conversation, “I HAVE FREED THE PRISONER!!” The guardians get her back and Drax distrusts her for realsies this time. Mostly platonic, i suppose…thanks luv! Your writing is a big inspiration of mine

It’ll Get Better: Anonymous asked: I’d love a Steve Rogers x reader with a reader who has depression. Something like a comfort fic ^^ Thanks!

Animal Control: Rocket Raccoon gets picked up by animal control. Requested by @tallguy1130 (that’s my hubby, y'all!)

A Interesting Child: Baby Groot goes to daycare.

Saving Thorin: Another Wattpad request. Could you make a Thorinxhuman female reader. And like, she finds herself in Middle Earth and is really shy and sweet but like saves Thorin??? Thank you!

Incompatible: Thranduil x Human! Reader imagine. Somehow he opens his heart to love a human and it was a good relationship. Until they have a fight about something (maybe he says something about human that hurt reader’s feeling?) and he makes her cry. For him it isn’t a big deal but for her the fight was too much for her to handle. And she starts to think that her relationship with Thranduil was a mistake because she comes from a different race and she is too young for him that she can’t do anything right. The elves also tell Thranduil that she’s not the one for him because she’s incapable to be his queen. She overheard the conversation between Thranduil and the elves and she has decided to leave. But when she confronts her beloved Thranduil, he is flabbergasted to know that she is leaving. You can end it in your own way (maybe she really leaves or stays? I don’t know). I just want an angstyyy imagine because I love crying XD

Cooking: Hi can I request a dwalin x reader please where dwalin falls in love with the readers cooking and gets super shy around her and finally manages to confess with the help from thorin and the company please

Not Human: Hello, love! Please could you write a Lindir x Reader in which the reader is a Peredhil (half human half elf) travelling with the company and she meets Lindir when they arrive at Rivendell? Thank you ❤️❤️Maybe Lindir thinks she’s only human at first but finds out about her being a peredhil when he sees her ears or something?

Support: Anonymous asked: Hi meg! Would write a Thranduil x reader where the reader shows him support (bc of things like doing what he thinks is best for his kingdom/people) A lot of fluff💫

A Picnic with Scorpius: Could u do a Scorpius x reader? ( next generation ) During their 4 or 5 year at Hogwarts? :3  maybe they’re having a picnic by the black lake ?

Breakfast Interrupted: So the harry potter one would be a draco x reader , being a couple & staying at dracos mansion chilling and talking all night (basically just seeing his good and cute side ) the next morning he brings the reader breakfast in bed , but then getting interrupted because the whole „thing“ in deathly hollows happens where harry , hermione and ron get dragged to dracos house and draco has to identify harry but because he doesn‘t want the reader to see this bad dark side of him , he chooses to lie and not tell them that they caught harry

Kids: Would it be possible if I made another request for a marcus flint x reader where they fight in the war for the good side then after the war they get married and have kids who are best friends with oliver Woods kids if that’s OK with youOh and marcus and Oliver hate there kids friendshipand try to break it up then reader gets involved and is angry at them both and threats marcus to sleeping on the sofa

The 2nd Task: Hey girl! I’m in love with your imagines honestly and was wondering if you could write an imagine about a fem Hufflepuff reader who is best friends with Cedric and you’ve had a crush on him for a while but never said anything because you think he is in love with Cho. When it comes time for the second task, you are chosen as the person who will be in the Black Lake for him. (You’re a little annoyed and after Cedric wins the task, you’re forced to take pictures for the prophet.) he tries talking to you afterward but you storm off down the dock, argue, and you finally have enough and admit to loving him. (He stares dumbfounded and admits he loves you too and there’s a wee bit of fluff?) I’m trash at requests but thank you much ❤️ Not sure if this was too little or too much

Suitcase:I saw you started doing Harry Potter one shots and had to get in on that. You’re kind of my favorite one shot artist. I’m so glad you’re back. If its ok, I wanted to request a thing with Newt Scamander where maybe the reader has pretty severe anxiety around other people,but is really good with the animals so maybe, after a panic attack he takes reader into his suitcase and shows her around like the Hufflepuff he is. And all the animals love her. She calms down and laughs, seems reallt happy. Maybe a time skip where they’ve been traveling together a while and realize they love each other?

The Hufflepuff: Requested by @lust-for-pan:  heyy! love your blog💛 can i pls request something with draco? can reader be a hufflepuff pls? reader is quiet/shy and has a bit of a crush on draco. she accidentally bumps into him and rushes to apologize, he’s about to get mad but stops when she sees her? like he’s taken back by how pretty she is maybe? and tells her it’s fine or something? lol srry i’m in that cliche mood rn. do what you want with the request💛💛💛 thank you

Why is He With Her?: Anonymous asked: Okay, I need some Ron from you please. Instead of Hermione, it’s the reader who gets upset at seeing Ron with Lavender and Ron doesn’t get why she’s so upset until Hermione points it out. Then, when Ron is in the hospital wing, Hermione shoos Lavender away so the reader can have some time alone with him

I Knew All Along: Anonymous asked: Can we get some reader saving Snape because she’s known all along that he was a double agent? And maybe some closure between Snape and Harry?

Yule Ball: Anonymous asked: Hi Meg, can I get a Snape and teacher reader where the reader is a teacher for whatever class you want and she looks a little bit like Lily Evans and he asks her out to the Yule Ball please? (This will be changed a little bit)

Winning Her Heart: Anonymous asked: THANK you for opening requests! Can I ask for young Sirius trying to win heart of Slytherin girl?

Pranking Lockhart: Anonymous asked: Would you write something where the Twins prank Lockhart? Like putting hair dye in his shampoo or something in his tooth paste that turn his teeth into different colours? (Perfect if both of them CHANGE colours so they always clash with his clothes.) As some kind of ‘welcoming’ him to Hogwarts? Sorry if this is not enough to work with.

I’ll Be Your Friend: Anonymous asked: Ooooh Harry Potter! Okay, can I request a Fred Weasley x fem!reader? The reader is a Hufflepuff and muggleborn and really quiet and Pansy picks on her, but Fred cheers her up by getting her to help with a prank?

[holycalum]

vice (c.h.) part 3!!

summary- (y/n) has another #breakdown but like ACTUALLY this time she goes home just read it 

part 1 part 2 part 4

word count- 3.6k+

a/n- im terrible at summaries i figure if ur reading this far you don’t care you just wanna know what happens ya dig? also i appreciate all the love and support for this fic so much?? because i really thought this would flop but im so happy people are enjoying it. vice is literally my baby rn and i’ve put a lot of effort into it, and to see it pay off is grand ok goodbye. “fuck yeah,” i slurred, holding up my red cup in triumph. “midterms are hashtag over.” i slumped into britt, and she groaned, trying to push me off of her.  

“you’re too drunk,” she yelled over the thumping music. “your flights early tomorrow.”

“don’t care,” i smiled, dancing again. but britt’s word cut through my drunk thoughts moments later, and traveled straight to the gut. i might as well have doubled over because of the sinking feeling in my stomach. i had to go home the next day, and i didn’t want to in the slightest. the remix playing was drowned out as i stopped dancing abruptly, and got stuck in my head. the dark cloud that was rarely over my head anymore came crashing back, and i didn’t have calum to distract me. i had pushed the idea of me leaving college a semester early to kick start my life the back of my head, letting myself get lost in my studies for once, and calum. the second one was really the kicker. i pushed my way through the crowd, suddenly feeling very queasy. i stumbled throughout the unfamiliar house. miraculously i found a bathroom, and practically threw myself into it. i locked the door behind me, and fell to the floor. the cool tile soothed my burning skin, and i felt like i was human again. i crawled over the the toilet, head spinning. 

as i gripped the disgusting bowl and willed myself to throw up, i couldn’t help but let a few tears fall. but that was only the calm before the storm, because soon enough the dark cloud above my head stormed onto me. i cried so hard i gagged, and couldn’t catch my breath. my heart felt shriveled up and small and dead.

i had never been the drunk girl to have a complete meltdown, but i couldn’t stop the emotions from shooting out of every pore in my body. i felt like i was one big sad blob, and i physically couldn’t stop myself from getting drenched in the waters from my dark cloud. 

my crisis was interrupted by a knock at the door, i prayed it was a nice drunk girl that would braid my hair and tell me i’m pretty so i’d stop crying. but when i unlocked the door, calum’s eyes met mine and i cried even harder. i leaned against the cabinets, face in my hands, not wanting calum to see me at all, i wanted to disappear. 

it was funny, in the moments i wanted to be alone with my thoughts the most, calum always seemed to show up. 

“no, no, no,” calum’s words came out frantic, as he kneeled down in front of me and pulled my hands away from my face. the look of panic on his face sent my head spinning. 

“what’s wrong, pretty girl?” his nickname pulled at my heart strings and only made the knot in my stomach grown tighter. 

i couldn’t catch my breath enough to get any words out, so i sat there blubbering like a toddler, looking down, only for calum to tilt my head back up. 

“hey,” he cooed, shutting and locking the bathroom door once again, this time not leaving me alone. he sat against the door, and pulled me to his lap. “let’s just calm down and then we can talk, ok?” he said softly into my hair. i nodded against his leather jacket, trying to take deep breaths. even though i hated being so broken in front of calum, i couldn’t help but cling onto him like my life depended on it. the contact between us grounded me. 

every once in a while a sob would break through my breathing, causing calum to tense up and hold me tighter for a second, before going back to rubbing slow circles on my back. 

once i brought myself back down to earth, i pulled away from his chest, the world around me tilted in all directions. “i don’t wanna go home,” i cried, my words making tears well back up in my eyes. calum’s face was full of guilt as he stared into my bloodshot eyes.

“hey,” he shushed me, wiping under my eyes. he’d need a whole box of tissues to dry my cheeks, “it’s ok, just go slow.” 

“i wanna fall in love, cal.” i admitted, not being able to control the thoughts involuntarily pouring out of my mouth. “i want it all-but i cant have it. they took it from me. i don’t wanna go back.” a lump in my throat sprouted from deep within me, threatening to send me into another crying fit. 

i could see his eyes go glassy, “no,” i begged, “don’t cry.”

“m’ sorry,” he chuckled weakly, reaching up to wipe his own eyes. “going soft, sorry, continue.” another sob wracked through my chest at his state. i leaned my forehead against his chest, letting another cry out. 

“i’m hurting everyone around me,” i said sadly, “i don’t wanna hurt you anymore.” it became crystal clear that everyone was only calum. 

“but it’s so worth it, doll.” he whispered sweetly, smoothing the hairs around my ear. “you’re my sunshine, at the same time. what a contradiction you’ve proven to be.” it almost didn’t make sense. 

i settled against his chest, finally feeling a bit calmer. “an’ i know you’re really drunk right now, so i doubt you’ll remember most of this,” he starts, breath ghosting over my neck. “but, i accidentally let you in and i can feel myself falling for you. and it sucks because you’ll never be mine, fully at least, and you’re one of the only people i’ve let in so close to my heart.”

“stop,” i pleaded, “i don’t wanna know,”

“it’s not a bad thing, pretty girl.” he reassured me, “teaching me that it might be worth it, to let someone in, to enjoy someone’s company beyond sex.”

“i wish it didn’t have to be like this.” i mumbled, feeling very tired. 

“let’s get you home,”

i woke up the next day, to my blaring alarm clock. my head pounded as i flailed my hand around to turn off the terrible noise. it was the day of my flight and i couldn’t have felt any worse. eyes almost glued shut because of how puffy they were, traveled to see i was in the same clothes i was wearing the night prior. i felt like i’d been kicked in the face. clearly i had cried the night before. oh, the night before. 

i remembered almost everything, the crying, calum, more crying. it only made my headache worse. i showered to try and make myself feel less gross, but it only washed away the physical layer of grime. the emotional dirtiness would stay forever. 

i shrugged calum’s shirt over my head, it was dark blue, with maine written in bold white letters. it was probably my favorite shirt on him, so he insisted i have it. it was probably a bad idea to be reminded of calum while i went home, but it made me feel happy, and i could’ve used some light in my life. i pulled on a beanie and my long winter jacket, before grabbing my bags and heading towards the door. my roommates were still passed out from the night before, pillows over both of their heads. 

“bye, guys.” i muttered, before swinging the door open. “jesus, calum.” i breathed, clutching my chest, my heart almost stopping at the sight of him. 

“hey, sunshine.” he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. the nickname launched me into the events of the night before and i willed myself not to break. 

“hi,” i breathed, biting the inside of my lip. “thank you, for last night.” 

“anytime,” he replied, “nice shirt.” this time his eyes sparkled a bit, before his face fell. 

“what’s up?” i questioned, not understanding why he was standing outside my dorm at almost eight in the morning. 

“i wanted to say bye to you before you left,” he rocked back and forth on his heels, hands shoved in his pockets. he looked small, and tucked into himself, “feels like i’m losing you.” he mumbled the last part, almost low enough for me to miss it completely.

“please don’t say that,” i shut my eyes, forcing the tears to stay inside of me. he shrugged weakly. 

“i guess this is goodbye,” he smiled at me, brown eyes shining. my stomach sank and i reached towards him and engulfed him in the biggest hug i could muster. i wanted to keep him with me forever. 

“promise me you’ll see me when i get back,” i begged him, clutching onto him for dear life. his tight grasp around my waist indicated he was doing the same.  

“i promise,” his words were muffled by my shoulders, where his perfect face was squished. he pulled away, painfully, almost making me whine at the loss of contact. “goodbye, (y/n).”

“bye, calum.” i breathed, standing on my toes to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. “i’ll see you when i get back-when i get home.” it was honest, being with calum felt more like a home than my own childhood house did. 

“i’ll see you then,” he gulped, and he watched me walk away. the entire trip back to my hometown, i spent on the verge of tears and a nervous breakdown.

[11:34 am] me: i can’t do this 

[11:35 am] calum: cant do what sunshine?

[11:35 am] me: my plane just landed. 

[11:36 am] calum: you can get thru this pretty girl

[11:36 am] me: you have way too much faith in me

[11:38 am] calum: (:

calum’s lightheartedness made me feel a bit better as i gathered my luggage painfully quick. near the baggage claim, my parents were waiting eagerly for me.  

“(y/n)!” my mom exclaimed, in a much different tone than she’d had the last time we spoke. it almost made me throw up at how sweet she was acting when the last time she made an effort to talk to me was to try and get me to drop out of school. 

“hey guys,” i plastered on a fake smile, bringing both of my parents in for a hug. “how are you?”

“wonderful, now that you’re back!” my dad said, rubbing my shoulder. “how about we head back to the house and have some lunch, i’m sure you’re starving.”

“i am!” i lied, i wasn’t. not in the slightest, my stomach was twisted and the idea of food made me want to yakk on the spot. my appetite had disappeared the second i turned around to see calum’s pained expression as i walked away. the drive home was tense, calling for awkward small talk and bad jokes. 

when we walked in the front door, i was greeted by a very happy david. my mouth fell open as i was halfway through kicking off my shoes. i felt like my body had been frozen solid. 

“i thought you didn’t get back for another day,” i deadpanned, not being able to hide my emotions. the whole trip was already emotionally heavy, and seeing david so soon only added another layer overbearing feelings. 

“i wanted to surprise you!” david pulled me in for a lingering hug, he was too keen on surprises for my liking. i hugged him back, and our bodies didn’t mold together like calum and i’s did. i felt no fire, i felt no excitement, i felt nothing except for a heavy emptiness settling in my chest. 

my little sister, maya, bounded down the entryway. “(y/n)!” she yelled, and i ripped myself away from david to embrace her. 

“hey, lil’ one.” i said, smiling for real. i pulled away, looking at her. “not so little anymore,” she was taller than i was now, towering over me by a few inches. 

“how’s junior year?”

“rough,” she rolled her eyes, “how’s college.”

“great.” i smiled widely, catching david’s eye, “i love it, you know that.” it was the in small victories. 

“stressful, though!” david cut in,

“a good kind of stress,” i snapped back, turning my eyes back to maya slowly, boxing david out of the conversation. “i’ve met a lot of great people.”

“who’s shirt is that?” she asked suddenly, gripping the dark blue fabric. her eyebrows furrowed together at the sight of the unfamiliar shirt. 

“just a friend’s,” i smiled, my mouth doing dry. maya wiggled her eyebrows at me, and i hit her arm. i wasn’t really lying, calum and i weren’t together, so that left us as friends, although friends weren’t necessarily supposed to act like we did. 

the air that hung around us was dense and suffocating, so i saw myself to the kitchen, where an array of food was laid out in front of my parents, and david’s.  

“hey honey,” david’s mom smiled at me, pulling me in for a hung. she kept an arm wound around my waist as david’s dad caught my attention. 

“how ya’ feelin, kid?” he asked, grinning widely. 

i gave him a gentle smile back, “i’m great,” i breathed, trying to grip onto the last of my sanity that would make my statement at least a little true. we spent the eve of christmas eve making small conversation, settling into the way things had always been, and will always be. 

i ended up sprawled out on my little sisters bed, late that night, face down. everyone had left, and i could finally feel my shoulders relax. 

“so...” maya sat next to me, causing me to roll onto my side. “you seeing anyone?” she mused, poking my shoulder. 

i sighed, “you know i shouldn’t.” i put simply, trying the avoid the thought and conversation. 

“when has that stopped you?” she challenged, “i know you don’t really love david,” she added quietly, looking at me with caring eyes. 

“even if i was...” i started, “it can’t be a good idea, it’ll only hurt more people in the end.”

maya frowned, “you deserve to be happy, (y/n).”

“i know,” i pulled my lips into a straight line, “i can make it work, i still have you.”

“you won’t be fully happy,” she fretted, her tone more upset than it was before. 

“maybe no ones ever fully happy,” i shrugged, “maybe i’ll just be a little less happy, i’ll survive.”

maya chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment, “do you think they’ll make me marry someone i don’t like too?” i sat up, and tucked a piece of her hair behind her hair. she seemed like a little girl again, and it broke my heart. 

“you were always more stubborn than i was,” i whispered, smoothing her hair down, “they can’t hold you down, lil’ one.” she smiled, “goodnight, maya.” the topic became too much to stomach. 

“night, (y/n).” i made my way out of maya’s room, padding down to my old bedroom. it was almost exactly the same, just a bit staler, from the lack of movement. the bed was freshly made, and i climbed into it, feeling drained from the day.

i woke up christmas eve morning, and fell into the bustling nature of the day ahead. i was helping cook and clean and prepare for everyone to come over. that night we’d have cousins and david’s family and david’s cousins over, and we’d all have one big painful night. 

when i was younger, christmas eve couldn’t come quick enough, and maya and i would spend the whole day waiting for the evening. but, as an adult, the festivities proved to be more annoying than joyful and the night rolled around too quick. my late afternoon nap was interrupted by my mother shaking me awake, informing me of the arrival of our relatives. 

i sleepily greeted everyone as they got to the house, stopping for a long conversation with my grandfather. i had never been more grateful for his ability to digress into the longest conversations ever, when i saw david and his family walk through the door. i focused on my grandfather, listening to whatever he was speaking about.

“that’s really interesting,” i said, “tell me more.” i practically begged, and my grandpa almost passed out at the excitement of someone wanting to listen to him. 

“hey, (y/n).” david piped up, his blonde hair was littered with snow flakes from being outside. 

“one second, david. my grandpas just telling me a story-“ i was cut off,

“that’s fine, sweetheart.” my grandpa said, his smile fading a bit. “go on.” i gave him a sad grin, and hugged him briefly before david pulled me towards the living room. 

“i was having a conversation,” i crossed my arms in front of david, pushing him out. 

he rolled his eyes, “i know you hate those conversations,” 

“that one was really immersing me!” i shot back, stomping my foot. he gripped my forearm, pulling me closer, “don’t throw a fit,” he grumbled, running a hand through his hair. 

“whatever,” i brushed it off, knowing i wouldn’t get my way. “what’s up?” “i just wanted to talk to you,” he answered, “i hadn’t seen you since i visited you and we hardly spoke yesterday.”

“m’ just tired,” i rubbed my eyes for effect, 

“we’ve barely spoken on the phone either,” he sneered, his face almost as flushed as his pink shirt. 

“two way street, david.” i said, my face straight and unmoving. 

“you know i love you, (y/n).” david sighed, reaching out for my hand. it was cold and uninviting, unlike calum’s warm embrace. “i just get busy, and distracted. i could use something to pull me out of it.”

“i get busy too,” i stated, my hand stiff in his, and i wondered if this was his idea of love. 

“with that major...” he muttered under his breath, and i almost didn’t hear him. “i just want us to be on good terms.”

“we are.” as good as we could get, it wasn’t saying much, but it was something. he smiled. 

“good.” and then i walked away, excusing myself to the restroom. i stood in front of the mirror, hands gripping the sink so hard my knuckles went white. i let myself breath for a second, feeling i’d lose control if i didn’t. i pulled my phone out quickly, typing a text to calum. 

[7:27 pm] me: merry christmas eve

[7:30 pm] calum: merry christmas to you, pretty girl

[7:30 pm] calum: how are you?

[7:31 pm] me: surviving 

“(y/n)?” a knock cut through my trance and i jumped, going to open the door. 

“hi,” i caught my breath, looking at my mom. 

“dinners ready,” she stated, “you alright?”

“yes.” i nodded, following her to the dining room. david took a seat next to me, uncomfortably gripping my thigh throughout the night. his touch wasn’t reassuring or nice, it was repulsive and empty. 

after dinner, we all sat in the living room, gathered around the tree, giving our cousins gifts and opening them early. it was a family tradition to open gifts from extended family christmas eve, and david’s family had intertwined with ours, making it like a huge pre-christmas. once all the little cousins finished opening toys and sharing with one another we all started to fall into our own conversations. 

“i actually have one more gift,” david’s voice bellowed, it was loud and dripping with confidence. 

oh no. 

“it’s for (y/n),” he said, shifting his weight to one of his knees. 

oh no. 

“(y/n),” he started, grabbing both of my hands and the attention of everyone around us. i felt maya’s eyes shoot to mine, wide and worried. i felt sick to my stomach, “i love you, you know that.” my whole body was lit aflame and not in any desirable way, i felt too hot and crowded and my tongue felt like heavy sandpaper in my mouth. 

i couldn’t do anything but sit there, mouth hung open, heart pumping wildly. i watched his mouth move but i didn’t hear any noise come out, my ears rung loudly.

“will you marry me?” i didn’t answer, i couldn’t answer. 

“of course she will!” my mother shrilled loudly, clutching her chest. 

my eyes were dull with loss, the sharp edges of my memories with calum slicing at my heart as he slid the ring on my finger. i felt like i didn’t have myself anymore, or even know who i was. i didn’t know. i didn’t care. 

david pulled me in for a hug, as our family clapped loudly around us. it was all real and i couldn’t stop it. 

i looked calm, up until i finally shut my bedroom door behind me. all at once my tears flowed out, the dark cloud above my head had once again stormed on me, leaving me soaked to the core. i dragged myself to my bed, not bothering to change out of the clothes i’d wore that night. i felt hopeless as sobs ran through my body, shaking every part of me. my room was miserable and cold, and the only sound piercing the silence was my occasional cries i couldn’t keep quiet. 

i cried for me, i cried for my future kids, i cried for calum.

calum

. i wanted to tell him, i wanted to hear his voice and i wanted him to tell me it was going to be ok, but it wasn’t and not even he could change that. but i longed to feel him, and the brightness he elicited by only giving me a look. my heart ached as i fell asleep, my future dragging me closer and closer.

a/n: ok drama lmk what ya think even if its me being stupid and spelling something wrong but feedback is appreciated! thank u for reading!! part 4 should be up tomorrow or in the next couple of days. ALSO im gonna fosho gonna write more after this is done so if you have an requests pls message me i would love 2 write what yall want ok goodbye love u 

tags: (lmk if u wanna be added for part 4/any other shit i write) @rexorangecouny

[thisismyghost-blog]

1st time I told my fam/friends on fb about the sadistic monster who abused me and is facing agg kidnapping and 3agg rape charges

So idk how some of you will react to this but i have to risk people who will hate me or just turn away in order to gain reinforcements. I have been practically in hiding for almost a year after finally giving up on keeping a bold face at my job that I loved with a few people that I really loved due to the pain I didn’t know how to handle of being visibly and deeply scorned by a few people who I had done nothing to but be friendly and awkward to (just due to lack of social experience)I have been protected under the love of my amazing family, my best friend Sayruh, and the incredible loving man who I can’t describe rn who came into my life about five years ago and with who’s path, unfortunately, was diverged during what I’m about to tell you. This isn’t going to be college level essay ish, so bare with me. I’m bleeding and panting out of breathe in the battlefield of life at this moment but I haven’t dropped the sword and I never will. I don’t have to do this alone, as much as I’ve been alone and felt deeply affected by if people think I am worthless, stupid, ugly, a whore or make assumptions about me that hurt them or take me the wrong way.i have hidden myself to protect others and to protect myself but I see now that is utter BULLLSHHIIITTT y’all. I was in a “relationship”with what fits the pattern of a malignant narcissist, possible psychopath for 9 entire soul crushing, brain washing, body mutilating, being made to believe I was bad or crazy, turning against myself months. That’s the time it takes to grow a fully ripened human, and apparently it’s also the time to nearly break an intelligent, loving sister, mother, daughter, friend, woman almost entirely.     This creature who masquerades as an attractive, eloquent, humble, caring, selfless individual has likely been slandering me since the moment he walked into my place of work as he, behind the scenes, carefully put up walls between me and anyone who might later have compassion for the things he had in store for me. That wasn’t terribly hard due to the fact that I was already a very shy person.This Lucifer gaslighted, undermined and abused me while successfully convincing me that he was helping me become a better person and applying his version of “therapy” based on his claimed experience in mental health in another country and coming out of terrible traumas all by himself. This person took the self doubt i already had, filled it with poison, and offered it through a needle promising the antidote. This person used my compassion and love for others to convince me to let him do horrible things to me as a stress relief or way of dealing with their past trauma in order to help them, to help them not do self destructive things and be able to go out and help others in Grand ways that he constantly spoke of.I have been hiding because I have seen that human nature tends to immediately start looking for ways to blame or dehumanize people that are in horrible situations like this. I have been hiding because I could feel the seering looks of disgust, feel the betrayel from those I had admired and even looked up to that had already taken place and wished not to extend an opportunity for others. I realize now that I have been ashamed of being vulnerable to someone else’s lack of humanity and feeling as though that truly debased me or may as well if it succeeded in debasing me from human status in the eyes of most people onlooking, so why give them a chance to onlook?I have no choice now because today I was shown my choice by the assistant district attorney.  It was my hope to protect others from this monster. It was my hope because I have seen what these creatures who walk among us, looking like people, expressing emotion on their face like people, and I have seen this creature twist otherwise upstanding, moderately intelligent individuals into hating a person in order to discredit them and also back them further into a corner, convince them they are nothing, watch them suffer and feed on their tears like a twisted vampire. You think you can spot a monster? Maybe you would have better luck. I think we all think we do, how can you not believe what your mind is telling you when you look at what looks like a human being but is a monster no one warned you about, who literally takes pleasure in slowly driving you insane and takes bites out of your flesh like a wolf and yelling at you for bleeding. I am not perfect, no one is. I make mistakes, that’s human. I take the wrong path sometimes, also human. Do I need to say that in order for you not to start asking a million questions until you get to the part where your brain can let out a sigh of relief and go “ooohh I was worried this world was that horrific for a minute but clearly this bitch is an idiot or a sinner who deserved whatever she’s going on about.”?I want to stop and give credit where credit is due.I am tempted to name names but I haven’t. There are people who I worked next to everyday and only had affection for who completely turned their back on me when he was arrested. I didn’t call police, my doctor did. I hate attention, I have no vendettas.  I have to  get out of this corner letting him and his minions scare/shame me into silence and projecting their ill motives onto me. I know it makes no sense. I only know that I am sure I experienced what I imagine thousands of murdered women experienced in their final moments. I feel that he would enjoyed watching my final moments and holding them in his hands like a god. I only know that an amazing doctor who I trusted and went to for advice about how to not get murdered or even possibly salvage my life from without police help because I didn’t believe they would help me. I believed him when he told me his ex’s called police and he talked them away, I believed him when he told me that police came to my door at times when I was screaming and he talked to them while I was in the bathroom crying and convinced them everything was ok. I believed what he didn’t have to put into words but only insinuate, that everyone will call me a stupid lying whore for staying around and trying to get help would only result in being told so. I was wrong. My doctor called the police without my knowledge, everyone treated me with compassion and respect and told me I was safe now. I thought that meant other girls would be safe now. I was mistaken. I held onto the remaining shards of my life with all my strength, allowing people under his spell to treat me despicably as I fought the tears, told myself it’s my fault for not being a better person who speaks up and is more than just quiet and friendly but involved and let’s you know them and is there for you. I tried to hold my head high and ignore them or focus on the 3 friends I had left and remind myself that they could have no clue what the truth was and that they would never believe me over such a charming loveable individual. How do you tell someone that a person they admire is capable of worse things than they have ever imagined and expect them to believe you unless they are incredibly close and trusting of you?Trial is coming up. I thought I could seek back up through expert witnesses and professionals who could untangle the dark web of deadly lies, ignorance and misinformation. I thought maybe I could find others like the girl he claimed to have put in the hospital for three months.. I thought.. Maybe.. I could sleep at night one day without picturing dead girls all alone in a landfill disposed of by him and forgotten. That is only my imagination but your mind is your window to the world and it’s all you see. Instead I am told that due to the burden of proof, even after the stack of felony indictments an incredible female detective at Smyrna PD was able to procure on my behalf.. That he will most likely walk free or get less than a decade and be let loose upon the world again. If you ever get hurt, make sure it’s by a total stranger and that you see clearly what’s going on in order to be able to immediately, report it and get the hell away from them so the law can protect you.(sarcasm if u didn’t see it.)There has to be an alarm raised and debate changed. Not for me but for my niece, my cousins, our daughters and sons, every human being who is out there vulnerable to be spotted by a shark who probably dresses and speaks properly and seems like a “stand up citizen” maybe even have a position of authority, maybe even like he did, claim to be a representative of Jesus and some version of my personal Satan’s false story that he was a champion of all orphans and the disenfranchised. I have pictures of him surrounded by smiling children he claimed were in a orphanage he managed for a time in an impoverished part of the world and claimed to have been their main source of affection and mental health assistance in dealing with the loss of their parents.If you are totally mind f9(?#d after reading this, understand that I have been fighting epic battles through Hell daily via my mind and PTSD armed with love  from my son, family, Antwane. An inkling that maybe I can build some sort of bridge to the nameless victims who will never have a charge formally filed much less prosecuted, the forgotten girls buried in shallow graves because a monster feasted on their human heart and knew no one would be in their corner to save them and that society at Large would walk on their unmarked grave with no tears shed for a “whore”. Armed with the small bit of reason and understanding I’ve gained through education and love not letting me die no matter how much agony and confusion and darkness swallowed me whole I walk out of that dark corner of shame today. I still need healing, I still am learning not to be hard on myself, I still have no idea what I’m doing but I’m fighting y’all and I have gained the type of clarity I’m not sure many people ever have after a lifetime. There is no magic day to come where after you try hard enough you never incur anymore criticism and you feel good enough, but in the meantime those who are so sure of themselves are devouring the innocent, virtually wholly unchecked and every bully, every shaming comment meant to put you down and shut you up is a type of  weaponry used by those behaving inhumanely and projecting their diminished humanity onto you. Don’t let them do it. If you care how you affect other people you are top notch in my book and every shortcoming you have tell everyone to STFU about and keep going. Your inability to wow a crowd or rock a swimsuit for a magazine or even speak to a stranger or your emotional outburst and lack of attention to your house when you’re depressed.. any and everything that you feel ashamed about, you give it the middle finger for me. Your voice in your own head and how you see yourself is where it starts and YOU are who I need to join me in this fight with the odds insanely against me and the rest who fall into their snare. I need you to keep trying,I need you to fight to see for yourself what really matters and what is left because there are no superheroes or quick fixes and everytime you feel empathy for someone and want to take their pain or help, this is how. You become strong and you fight for reason, compassion, you fight the voices that degrade and throw away human beings but you start with your own.If you want to talk, text me. Might take some time but I’ll be there and I will not judge anything so if you just need to vent things you feel shame about I am a good sounding board I have discovered. I don’t have any answers for you but I am another human being who values you. Naj is doing great btw he’s facing his own bullies but he’s got an expert on his side and an amazing dad and uncle. I have an extremely bright gorgeous life ahead and I see it on the horizon. I almost said if I don’t reach it I will die trying but there are 3 amazing guys in the next room that love me, a gorgeous brilliant sister a few minutes away, my mom with her endless Love, compassion, years of memories and experience that I hope to be able to properly learn from and appreciate, this genius niece who is so much like me at her age but better and actually likes me. I could keep going. If you looked in the mirror today and thought anything besides “Damn fine bitch, world’s lucky to have me!” then go apologize please. Maybe you won’t mean it but you can get there. I may not be able to stop him. There may be Hell on Earth that I have yet to see, but the people who love us and are waiting for us to meet and love them, they are what matters now. You are what matters to me now. He used to tell me I would gain great wisdom from him and help him change the world. I did gain wisdom, I won’t give him credit for that, I dug it out of the ashes of what he left behind. If that’s possible then imagine what you can do

[hey-hey-chan]

Thunderstorms - Jeongin

UHHH , a quick ass drabble cuz there’s a thunderstorm at my house rn and im a lil ,, scared ;-; 

P.S. Written at 1-2am :’)

It was 1am and my eyes were still wide open. I was laying in the pitch black room, home alone because of my parents outing with their friends. 

I saw a flicker of light at my window again, making me tense at the known sound coming after it. I waited a few moments until I heard the rumble of the sky which shook my bed. I squirmed in my bed, trying to not freak out over the simple thunderstorm.

“It’s just a storm, it means nothing. You’re inside, not in a car. You’re safe.” I whispered to myself while clenching my hands together. I felt my heart pounding uncontrollably in my chest and I was unable to calm myself down.

I sat up in my bed and wiped the falling tears away, feeling pathetic at my irrational fear.

It had all started once I was coming home from a road trip, and a storm had randomly sprung up when I was on the road. I wasn’t even the one driving, yet I could still feel the fear of crashing or the thought of my father spinning out of control. Never again did I go out during a storm. 

Suddenly, I felt a buzz at my thigh, making me wonder who was up so late. I looked down at my phone, hoping it would cause some sort of distraction for the pounding rain outside my door. 

"A text from Jeongin? This late?” I muttered to myself. 

Jeongin was my boyfriend of 2 weeks now, and even though our relationship was new, our friendship was not. We had lived somewhat in the same area, him being over one block from me, and we were somewhat close friends. Our bond solidified when we were stuck in the worst science class, but it made a blossoming romance. 

I clicked on his snap and saw that he sent me a simple meme. I almost snorted at the message, baffled at our cringy relationship, yet I saw another flash appear and thunder soon followed after. 

I felt the thunder shake all around me, making me drop my phone in fright. I crawled under the covers once again and tried to calm my heavy heart. 

“Calm down, calm down,” I whispered to myself, though my words carried no weight. This was the first time I was ever alone in a thunderstorm, so I really had no idea how to calm myself down. 

In the midst of my mental breakdown, I felt my phone buzz again, and again. 

I grew frustrated at the boy who was texting me while I was in this state, but I heard my ringtone and knew I had to pick up or else the boy wouldn’t stop. 

“Yo.” He said, his voice light and excited. 

“What do you want?” I asked pathetically, trying to hid my sniffles.

“Why wouldn’t you respond to my meme? I thought we made a promise to always respond to memes.” I could almost hear his pout over the phone, which made me pout as well. 

“Sorry I got distracted by something else,” I lied miserably, but the boy was unusually dense, so I could get away with hiding my feelings. 

“Hmm, well, you should go to sleep anyways, it’s late.” His voice turned soft and made me melt at his concern, even though I probably wasn’t going to sleep for a long time. I felt him shift in his bed and I knew the boy was getting tired with his groggy voice and all. 

“Hm, yeah, I was getting ready to sleep and had to spit out my toothpaste, that’s why I couldn’t respond.” I lied again. I almost never lie to the boy, but sometimes it was better he didn’t know these things. He was still young at heart and was new to the whole boyfriend thing.

“Good, loser, so-” 

Suddenly, I felt the familiar rumble of thunder startle me and I squealed and flew back to my bed.

“Y/n? Y/n? Why did you scream?” I could hear the chuckle in his voice, yet all I could think of was escaping the thunderstorm. 

I felt tears flood my cheeks as it was late- I was sensitive. And I wasn’t crying because of the storm itself, but rather Jeongin’s lack of empathy towards my fear. I rubbed my eyes rolled onto my face to hide my sniffles in my puffy pillow. “Y/n??” He asked again, making me want to throw my phone across the room. “Wait... are you scared of the storm?” He asked hesitantly. 

“Yes I am. But I’ll be fine, go to sleep.” I muttered into the phone that fell nicely nice to my mouth. Like I expected, I heard the boy chuckle and creak in his bed. 

“Oh gosh you’re really scared of storms? Why I love them? They’re so fun to listen to!” 

The worst thing about being afraid of storms is having people tell you have cool and beautiful they are. Like I didn’t ask for their opinion on invalidating my fears. 

“Yeah whatever, I’m hanging up soon.” He chuckled, knowing I wouldn’t just hang up on him randomly.

“What? Do I need to come over to your house and make you feel better?” I could tell with his voice infliction that he was joking, yet I would feel a lot better with his presence. But I knew I couldn’t ask that.

“No, I’m fine. It happens all the time and I just plug in my earbuds, I’m fine.” Wow, just say I’m fine once more and he’ll get it. Jeongin snorted and I could feel him nod over the phone call.

“Ok, goodnight, y/n.” I felt myself soften at his voice, but the anxiety in my heart still weighed heavily on my mind. 

“Night.” I whispered back, hanging up the phone quickly so he wouldn’t have to hear me make a fool of myself. I tossed my phone to the other side of my bed so I wasn’t distracted, but I found myself still uneasy with the pounding rain.

My thoughts were discarded as I heard my doorbell echo throughout my house. I immediately shot from my bed and checked who it was, as I wasn’t expecting my parents to come home so early. And to ring the bell since they had keys.

As I peered out the little eye hole, I saw a soaking wet Jeongin. I quickly opened the door, shaking my shock off so I could help the poor boy.

“Jeongin what are you doing here?” He stepped into my house as I handed him a towel out of instinct. He patted himself down and shut the door. 

“Uhhh, I don’t know, maybe my girlfriend was upset so I went to comfort her? That’s what boyfriends are supposed to do, right?” He asked with a slight smile. He took off his baseball cap and shook out his hair, making me flinch away from the wetness. 

“I didn’t think you would come.” I spoke truthfully. I’d been friends with Jeongin for a long time, and he was the type of guy who would do anything for his friends... but you had to tell him straight up to do something. The boy couldn’t take hints. 

Jeongin snorted and started taking off his shoes. “I know, I’m getting better at picking up hints when you’re upset.” Suddenly, he took my hand and led me to my room. “Now, you’re gonna get some sleep because I really want to sleep.” He said bluntly, making me chuckle and feel guilty at the same time. 

“Here, throw this on so you don’t have to sleep in wet clothes.” I went to my older brother’s room who was out in college and tossed him a t-shirt and sweats. 

“A v-neck? Wow you just wanna see some skin.” The boy teased, making me blush and throw a pillow at him. He grunted in surprise which made me feel better. 

“Shut up.” I muttered into my pillow, my fear slowly disintegrating with Jeongin’s presence. Jeongin chuckled and stepped out from the bathroom looking snazzy in his new clothes. He jumped on the bed and then stared at me with a cheeky grin.

“Well, it’s night time... we’re home alone... no parents.” The boy wiggled his eyebrows at me, scooting closer to my lips. I snorted and shoved the boy away, which made him fall onto my pillows. 

“Shut up you creep.” I scooted further from the boy and separated us with a pillow, making sure he kept his distance. Jeongin gasped and set his watch on the side of my bed. 

“Oh c’mon, we’re dating y/n,” he whined, but I kept up my cold facade. I hummed and ignored the boy.

“So what? A girl needs her space.” I teased, but I knew he would respect my wishes and stayed far away from me. 

“Ok ok, I will stay away from you. Tell me if my breathing bothers you so I can just sleep on the ground instead.” He muttered and rolled onto his side. I smiled slightly, but wouldn’t let him see it. 

Out of nowhere, the bed shook from the thunder and I immediately, out of instinct, threw myself into the arms of Jeongin. I heard him released a surprised “oof” at my contact, but he caught me nonetheless. 

“Woah, are you ok?” I knew I was shaking, but I didn’t care. 

“Ugh, I told you I was scared of thunderstorms.” I complained into his chest. I knew the boy was surprised at the close contact since we never showed any skinship or had any cuddle sessions, but there was always a first for everything.

“You’re like my dog, you’re shaking so badly.” At that comment, I pulled away from his chest and glared at him.

“Did you just call me a bitch?” I raised a brow. He scooted closer to my face.

“No, my dog is a boy.” I snorted at his response, the thunderstorm almost completely forgotten. I returned to his chest, comfortably snuggling next to him. I could feel the pounding of his steady heart beat which soothed mine.

I then felt him pat the back of my head, smoothing down my hair. 

“Is this better?” He asked shyly, making me chuckle. I grabbed his hand and put it on my lower back.

“Here, this is what my mom does when I get scared during storms. She would rub my back in small circles, like this.” I added. I felt him hum in response and did as I told. I felt myself calming down already at his soft and uneasy touch, but he soon got used to it. 

Since it was 2am by now, I felt myself drifting off into sleep. 

“I love you so much.” I heard him whisper before I drift off into dreamland, which made me dream of only good things. 

[possibilistfanfiction]

Kat worried about her scars and being intimate with Adena after the bomb? 😭😭😭😭 I’m sorry I love angst lol

[alright yall rly are in it to win it w this universe but i will roll w that. also imma use this as many times as possible w them lmao but rn just so we can all be in hell together, anne carson is mean, a refresher:

pylades: i’ll take care of you.orestes: it’s rotten work.pylades: not to me. not if it’s you.]

//

maybe it’s because you haven’t really been kissed in over a week or maybe it’s because you’re literally always turned on by your girlfriend but you’re sorting out how to really make out with adena. you’re both laughing and your kisses are a mess, too desperate and intimate and a little funny, because your cast is bulky and adena almost sat on it and you’re just in love.

you finally get everything worked out, your legs coordinated and adena is above you and so fucking pretty, and her hands wander down your body, squeeze your breasts over your shirt, and she’s kissing your neck and everything is awesome until she’s reaching for the hem of your shirt and then your heart starts to race and something pounds behind your eyes and adena notices, of course she does, because she stops immediately.

‘are you okay, eshgham?’ 

you don’t know how to tell her that suddenly the idea of her seeing the scar that runs from just below your sternum along the ribs on your right side; you know, absolutely, that adena doesn’t care in the sense that you’re certain she thinks you are just as beautiful. you have other scars, just like anyone, one from getting your appendix out when you were six, one along the inside of your left arm from when you were twelve and slipped off the slide of your parents’ pool. 

but this is different, it’s big and kind of intense and from something horrible that happened to you, not some childhood memory that’s mostly dominated by all of the pancakes your dad made you after your surgery, or the stickers you and sarah wheaton had tried to make stick to your purple cast.

your new scar is still pink, barely healed, still a little achy. you have smaller ones from drains surgeons had put in, and you feel very suddenly embarrassed and a little terrified because your body has changed and you don’t understand all that it means yet; adena looks very concerned and so lovely, bathed in gentle city light from your big windows.

‘just a little sore still,’ you say, as convincingly as you can, lean up and kiss the crease between her brows. 

‘okay,’ adena says simply, lays down beside you and rubs a thumb over the faint scrape beneath your right eye. she’s quiet and you think you might start to cry so you close your eyes instead.

she doesn’t push you to say anything, only holds you tighter, and you fall asleep.

//

‘so,’ you say, your cast leg propped up on jane and sutton’s coffee table, your other tucked beneath you. you take a shaky breath and immediately they quiet from their bickering about something in big little lies—you don’t really understand the plot because you’d watched it almost exclusively for zoe kravitz, who can blame you—and they turn toward you.

‘what’s up?’ sutton asks.

‘well.’ you swallow. ‘i—uh, okay, i know this is kind of shitty but you guys know i got my stitches out two days ago and i feel, you know, tired and kind of sore still but pretty good, overall.’

your cheeks feel like they’re burning and sutton scoots toward you and holds your hand.

‘i know adena, and, like, everyone, i guess, saw the bandages and stitches and stuff because i was out of it and needed help changing and whatever.’ you shrug. ‘but i don’t know, were we making out yesterday and she went to take my shirt off and i kind of, you know, i kind of freaked out?’

‘oh, kat,’ jane says, serious and gentle. it makes you want to cry.

‘and i know adena would be the last person to think i’m less beautiful, or whatever—’ you roll your eyes at yourself and sutton grins—‘but i just felt, i don’t know, insecure?’

it’s a word you literally would never ever use to describe yourself; you’re confident and brave.

‘that makes sense,’ jane says.

‘what?’

she shakes her head and sutton puts her chin on your shoulder. ‘i mean, it makes sense that you would feel insecure, or nervous, not that you should, obviously, but it’s not a crazy thing to feel or anything.’

‘yeah,’ sutton says. ‘it makes sense, kat. it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.’

you sigh and you feel like you’re going to cry but you don’t, not now. ‘i’ve just always been proud of my body? i guess, like. i know i’m hot as hell, i’ve literally posted like twelve billion articles and links on body positivity.’

sutton laughs a little and jane smiles. 

‘you are hot as hell,’ sutton says. ‘and your articles are dope, but, you know, this is different, kat. you’re allowed to feel something other than incredibly confident about everything all the time, you know.’

‘that must get exhausting,’ jane says.

they coax a laugh out of you and it doesn’t really make you feel any less confused, any sturdier, but they listened and you definitely aren’t alone in any of this.

‘talk to adena,’ jane says.

‘we should start using that as a hashtag for you,’ sutton suggests.

‘shut up,’ you tell them, laughing. ‘listen, this surgery ruined my abs, okay? it sucks.’

‘oh, your abs,’ jane says. ‘you mean your one ab.’

sutton grins. ‘if that’s what you’re worried about, adena definitely isn’t going to care.’

‘you’re the worst,’ you tell them, but they squeeze you in a hug on the couch and jane kisses your cheek.

‘nah, we’re the best, and you know it.’

//

you smile when adena walks in the door, because your heart gives a little flutter and it’s wild because it’s been months of this but you still feel like it’s the first time she ever made you laugh and, like, people talked about love before but you didn’t really believe them.

‘hi, baby,’ she says, walks over to you and she makes sure to meet your eyes and you nod, and then she kisses you hello. 

it’s soft and gentle and a little careful and you know you’re still healing, and you know a lot of the sex you have is like this, but sometimes you really just want to be fucked, honestly. 

‘how was your shoot?’

adena tilts her head. ‘it was productive, i think. difficult. worthwhile, though.’

‘you gonna show me some pictures yet?’

she smiles and shakes her head. ‘how was your first day back?’ she asks, putting down her bag and the sitting at the table next to you.

‘oh, you know, exhausting, but fun. i missed sutton and the fashion closet.’

adena smiles and you really wish you didn’t have this stupid cast because you want to pull her over to you to sit on your lap or something. 

‘also,’ you say, gesture to the two bags of food on the counter, ‘i stopped by miss lily’s on your way home. i know you mentioned it the other day.’

adena’s smile is worth the extra thirty minutes in traffic you spent, definitely, and she leans forward and kisses you, this time deeply, but still careful, not pushing you at all.

you press into it, though, hungry and you’ve missed her.

‘i love you,’ she says.

‘i love you too.’

she stands up and you’re about to pout when she offers her hand you helps you up, steadies you by your hips when you feel a little off balance. you don’t bother with your crutches and instead you just hop over to your bed, making her laugh, and you lie down and she follows.

you get situated again and your heart starts to race again as she kisses down your neck and her fingers go to the waistband of your sleep shorts you take a deep breath and stop kissing her.

she sits back immediately but she doesn’t move off of you, just waits.

you sigh. ‘i don’t—i don’t like my scars.’ 

it takes a lot to say aloud and you feel a little stupid and a lot vain, and you kind of want to lecture yourself or something, but adena’s face softens and she rubs the sliver of skin between your sweatshirt and shorts.

‘okay,’ she says, calm and sincere, and you feel tears building behind your eyes but you have honestly cried so much lately you will it not to happen.

‘it’s stupid,’ you say quietly, swallow and look away.

‘kat,’ she says, stroking your cheek with her thumb until you meet her eyes. ‘it is not stupid.’

‘there’s just, i don’t know. i’m supposed to be this body positive confident person and i am, but this is—’

‘—different,’ adena says. 

‘yeah.’

‘well.’ adena tilts her head a little, which you know means she’s thinking something in farsi and trying her best to convey it in english for you. ‘scars are not, um, beautiful.’

you want to recoil and your chest is tight but she looks at you like there is nothing else in the whole world more important than you, than this moment.

‘they are important, though,’ she tells you. ‘they mean that you survived. and, kat, you did.’

a tear leaks out of your eye and you hate it and adena wipes it away and then kisses the traces of it.

‘and you are beautiful,’ she says. ‘you are so beautiful.’

you don’t know anything you can say so you tug her to you and kiss her hard; even though you’re starting to cry, she kisses you back.

she reaches under your sweatshirt and you trust her and you love her so you let her lift it over your head. she looks you over fully, eyes soft and adoring, really, and then she starts to kiss down your neck. she moves along your skin, pauses to check and when you nod, offer a small, ‘yeah,’ she kisses along your scar.

it’s still a little sensitive, but you watch how reverent she is and you close your eyes and just let yourself feel how she worships you.

adena continues, kisses the healthy, unmarked skin below your bellybutton and then crawls back up your body and kisses you.

‘beautiful,’ she says.

she reaches below your waistband and takes your earlobe into her mouth and you definitely somehow get out a please, yes before a moan and it’s only been two weeks but, god, you’ve missed her.

//

‘well, i came three times and then adena got herself off on my thigh in, like, a minute,’ you say, taking a sip of your wine.

‘wow,’ jane says.

sutton lifts her glass. ‘cheers, guys!’

you laugh and they turn on the westworld finale and surgeons removed a third of your liver so you get drunk kind of quickly and you’ve watched every episode with them but you genuinely have no idea of what’s happening other than tessa thompson is hot.

you start to feel sleepy even though it’s, like, not even ten, so you call a lyft and when you get home adena helps you out of your clothes and when she hands you a t-shirt to sleep in you shrug and put it back in your dresser.

adena grins and scrambles out of her clothes and you laugh, lay down on the bed. she climbs in and rests her head on your chest.

‘you’re home early,’ she says softly, kisses the skin below your collarbone without any intent, just comfortable, sweet.

‘yeah,’ you say. ‘tired. also, i don’t understand westworld at all.’

she laughs and you run your fingers along her back lazily.

‘sleep, kat.’

‘yeah, okay.’

‘i love you.’

‘i love you too.’

//

a few weeks later you’re lounging after brunch on sunday, lazily watching insecure for the fifth time, when adena sits next to you, computer open on her lap but angled away from you.

she seems nervous so you sit up and give her your full attention. 

‘you’re gonna show me your photographs?’

she takes a deep breath. ‘if you don’t want to keep looking, that’s okay.’

you furrow your brows and she hands you the computer and it takes you a moment to understand. they’re beautiful photographs, incredibly striking, of the remnants of your subway station. not the places where the bombs went off, nothing gruesome or graphic, but instead places in the station that stayed relatively intact: missing tiles, cracks, but still, somehow, complete.

you think you might cry—again—so you hand over the computer and adena closes it, sets it aside, looks at you with big, careful eyes.

you want to tell her that you understand, but you don’t know how, so you take her into your arms and hug her tight. you feel her start to cry into your shoulder and for the first time in forever you feel able to comfort her, tender and strong.

//

a few weeks later adena paces around your apartment nervously for like thirty minutes before you pat the seat next to you.

‘what’s up babe?’

she seems to consider her words carefully before she says, ‘my project is incomplete. i started it to help myself understand what had happened and how to help you, but then, i think, it turned into a love letter to you? in the best way i know how to make one.’

‘oh,’ you breathe, your heart happy and aching all at once. ‘why is it incomplete?’

you’d just gotten your cast off and she massages your hip for a second before she takes a deep breath. ‘i think it will be complete, ready for a gallery, if i can photograph your scars, put them side by side with the other pictures.’

a month ago you would’ve been upset, angry, even, but she’s so gentle and she’s also incredibly talented and super brilliant, and the way she has made you feel about your body—before, and after, everything that’s happened—is almost holy.

‘okay.’

she sits back, searches your expression. ‘really?’

‘yeah,’ you say. 

her smile is relieved—not because of her project, you know, but because she didn’t want to upset you.

‘you better win an award or something from my artful nudes, though.’

she laughs and kisses you and you kiss down her body and when you taste her, you have never been more glad to have your cast off in your life.

//

‘wow, adena,’ jane says, as she and sutton walk around the gallery, taking in the series of photos that really did turn into something remarkable. ‘these are incredible.’

the photos of the cracks in the station are next to pictures of you laughing, candid and happy, in simple underwear and no bra. you remember feeling awkward and kind of scared but then adena had started making faces and you had rolled your eyes and told her that you weren’t an infant, but you both had started laughing and the light from your windows is gentle in the early morning of autumn, a sunday, after adena had prayed and you had had coffee together in your kitchen. your braids are spread beneath your head and you’re looking at her through the camera, not self-conscious at all.

you can see your scars, they’re clear and not hidden at all in the photos, but the whole of you is just very much in love.

adena smiles and thanks jane, and then sutton who really just has, ‘fuck, i’m gonna cry,’ to say.

adena goes to mingle because this is her show and she has to, and your friends both put an arm around your back in a funny group hug. 

‘your boobs look amazing in all of these,’ sutton says, still sniffling.

you laugh and walk with them to get another glass of champagne, go look at some of the other art in the gallery together before you drift back to your girlfriend eventually. you talk to a few people who come to compliment adena but mostly you just stand with her and listen, watch her in her element.

she has to make a speech a little later, and she thanks everyone for coming. she doesn’t talk about the photographs, and you know she didn’t want to.

what she does say, though—she looks at you, smiles a little, and says, ‘and, kat, thank you.’

you raise your glass and people are looking at you, you know, but you only notice adena, and her love, and the way she sees you.

//

months later, she does win an award, a very prestigious one.

you eat her out for an hour after you find out; you’re both exhausted and eating leftover mexican food in bed and you’re so full you lie down. 

she pats your stomach and you say, ‘food baby,’ and she laughs.

‘i’m proud of you,’ you tell her.

she smiles. ‘me too.’

[ouremptysinks-blog]

Star In The Dark

Chapter 1

Characters: Steve Rogers X OC (Hailey Beaumont), OC’S Mom, The Avengers, Nick Fury, Phil Coulson, Matt Murdock, A CUTE AF EMT/PARAMEDIC ( I don’t know who else for rn sooo?) Summary: A young woman with too many talents gets recruited to be a part of the Avengers. (yep that's it. I’m not spilling anything else.) Warnings: Lots of swearing, some angst, self-depreciation, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, anxiety attacks, panic attacks,  okay maybe a lot of angst, daddy issues(not the sexual kind yall!) (please lemme know if I missed something!)

Words: 2376

A/N: So I’m crying, this is my first fic and I'm so scared yallssss please reblog and comment and PLEASE JUST REEEADDD AND AHHHHHH! DM ME WITH FEEDBACK OR JUST URGHFHJH FEEDBACK PLEASE JELLIES!! Also please don’t bother requesting smut, I won’t write it

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“Honey, could you please go into my office and grab the white file in the second drawer in my desk? I need it in an hour so please could you make your way here now? I’ll give you the money you need for the tech thing you want so bad! But please hurry!” my mother hung up.

The woman was amazing at what she did but she was so forgetful, I was amazed at how she hadn't lost her position even after 25 years. My mom worked for S.H.E.I.L.D., she was high up in the ranks. That was all I knew, well actually that’s all they think I know. You see, I’m a pretty techy gal. I am so sorry, did I seriously just say ‘gal’? Okay yeah so I am very into the tech-verse and yeah I’m very aware that my mom works very closely with Coulson and whatnot but you don’t know that either okay! Now shush I have to go! Before you ask, yes I do know where they are because as her immediate and only family. I was to come to S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters if anything were to ever go wrong. If you asked me, S.H.E.I.L.D. was the last place we should be at. With all the rogue agents and undercover Hydras. Shit. YOU DON'T KNOW THAT EITHER OKAY! While I was spilling dirt that only I know, you didn't notice me start the car, did you? I hated going to S.H.E.I.L.D. so much. It was such a headache to get there. The idiots made it so you had to take about 120 backroads to get to the damn place. It was so stupid.

I quickly glanced at the duffel bag behind me. I wonder if I’d be allowed to use the training room? I can’t afford to miss today's workout, one workout missed meant a whole fight lost. Not that I was getting into any fights…Okay fine, I box! Erm... and it might be illegal… No one needs to know that either by the way! Snitches get stitches! Don't you dare forget! If I ever hear that you’ve let anything slip, I’m also great with weapons. That was indeed a threat, take it to heart.

I pulled up into the reserved parking space under my name. Grabbing my duffel and the white file with the big red ‘Confidential’ stamped on it, I swiped my ID into the holder. I was welcomed with a blast of air-conditioned air. They have these set to 16 degrees, and there was an air conditioner every 4 metres. The place was probably colder than Antarctica. Smiling at the receptionist I waved the file at her and she gave me a grimace.

“Lola left the files again?” she asked in a not surprised manner.

“Yep, you know how mom is.”

“Go on up sweetheart. If anyone asks, tell ‘em Susan sent you up. They can come and fight me.”

I threw my head back a little and laughed. Trying to contain my outburst, I grinned at Susan.

“I love you, Sue! I’ll bring you down a coffee, on my way back.”

“Oh honey, you don't have to! Oh, and I didn't tell you this but the training room is free from 4 till 8, so if you wanna punch some stuff, knock yourself out.” Susan whispered.

I pulled her into a small hug and then ran over to the elevators. I punched in the code and pressed on the floor number. The doors were just about to close when a not so subtle Patriotic soldier managed to place one of his feet in between the doors. He had been awake for a few months now. 3 to be exact, not that I’ve been digging or anything. I was a tad bit uncomfortable considering I looked like shit today. I looked terrible on a daily basis considering I was a fat fuck but today I was actually shit. He had taken his stance behind me, which made me x999 times more uncomfortable than I had in the beginning. I could also feel him staring which made my nerves increase even more. I was hoping that the ride down would stay quiet but unfortunately, to my dismay, he spoke.

“Are you new here?” he asked, voice smoother than silk. Yikes.

“I think I should be the one asking you, don’t you think?”

He seemed a little shocked that I didn’t give him a straight up answer. However, he hummed in agreement.

“I guess you should, I was here just yesterday and I didn’t run into you, that’s why I asked.” he smiled, not a bit of bitchiness in his voice.

“I was off yesterday.” I lied.

As the elevator doors opened, Captain Not So Frozen stepped out and head to the direction opposite of where I needed to be. PRAISE THE LORRRDDD! Before he opened the door, he spun around and yelled out, “Hey! I guess I’ll see you around Miss?”

I contemplated giving him a fake last name but decided against it.

“Beaumont”

Giving me a small smile, he said, “I’ll see you around Miss Beaumont”

Besides, it’d be funnier if he ran into my mom, considering she was Miss Beaumont. Ahh, the laughs. I checked my watch, ‘3:47’.

“Perfect”

I knocked on the door to my mom’s office, no one came to the door so I let myself in. I left the file between the keyboard and the screen of her closed laptop and wrote her a quick note on a post-it, letting her know where I’d be.

Lazily stepping into the elevator again I punched in another code and the button for the floor. This time, the melted man didn't stop the closing doors and I was able to get to the gym peacefully.

I pulled out my laptop from my duffel and started cracking. My ‘abilities’ weren't known to S.H.E.I.L.D., mom knew I could fight and she knew I was great with tech. What I did with those things, she didn’t know, and to be frank she didn’t need to either. I was done setting up the codes, all I needed was a clear frame. So when I stepped out and opened the doors to the gym, I was relieved to see it was indeed empty.

‘4:03’ my watch read. I stepped back outside and set everything else up. I didn’t need these buffoons watching me, and enter.

“That gave me such a headache, this stupid place.”

Manoeuvering my way to the changing room I threw my bag into one of the lockers and then went straight for the treadmill. I had four hours so I could do a lot. I would run/jog for half an hour and then, squats, lunges, one legged squats, box jumps, hip raises, deadlifts, straight leg deadlifts, good mornings, step ups, overhead press, bench press, incline dumbbell press, push ups, dips, chin ups, pull ups, bodyweight rows, dumbbell rows, planks, side planks, exercise ball crunches, mountain climbers, jumping knee tucks, hanging leg raises. Then I’d work on my hapkido if I finished everything nicely. Or I could go crash at my loft. I realised if I went back home, I wouldn't do any hapkido so I decided I’d just cut some stuff out and get to the martial art.

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I finished up the leg raises and checked the time once more.

‘6:45’

That gave me a solid 5-minute break and a 10-minute shower.

The shower ended quicker than I had planned, eager to practice hapkido again. I changed into something more comfortable. Pulling out a mat I started my usual routine. But I wanted to do something a bit different today. I grabbed one of the knives. I was doing my thing and all when a stupid man decided to grab my attention. I was taken aback and grabbed the blade too hard. Blood dripping from my torn palm, Stark stares at me shocked.

“Shit, I am so sorry!” he tried to clean up my hand using the handkerchief from his pocket.

I took a step back, glaring fiercely at the idiotic billionaire.

“I can fix it myself, fuck off Stark.”

“Potty mouth, plus I apologized, didn't I?”

“Well if you weren't so fucking idiotic and ignorant, we wouldn't really be in this situation now would we?”

“Let’s get you to the infirmary.” he tugged on my arm slightly.

Pushing his money filthy hands off, I said, “I vividly remember telling you to fuck off. No?”

He merely smirked at me.

“Before I ‘fuck off’, I wanted to ask you something.”

Not being bothered to reply to the egotistical fuck, I stayed silent.

“How’d you hack into S.H.E.I.L.D.’S systems?”

Awh fuck, this is great.

“Hails, wanna tell me how?”

“Don't you dare call me that you fucking asshat! You don't deserve it.”

Grabbing all of my things I stormed out of the anxiety-filled room to be met with another fucker I hate.

“Nicholas.”

“Ah Miss Claire, you’re just the person I wanted to see.”

“Ah, Joe you flatter me, Starkies in the gym if you wanna see the fucker.”

“I assure you, you're the one I was looking for Hailey.”

Hiding my bitchy feels, I follow Joseph into the elevator.

“So what’s up Joe-man?”

“Not here.”

If Fury thought it’d be better to talk about whatever he wanted to talk about specifically in his office, it meant that this thing was big. And very confidential. If I said that it didn’t scare me, I’d be 100% lying. It scared the shit outta me. Fury and I, well we go way back. He’s known me since I was in the womb, and we’ve been super chill. So fuck yeah I was stressed.

I followed the fucker into his office and took a seat. I was not about to risk falling on my fat ass.

“Miss Beaumont-”

“Zhang.” I reminded the ignorant man.

“Miss Zhang, I know you’re aware that I know about your skills.”

“And what? Thought it was a mutual agreement where I don’t fuck your organization over and we keep my ‘skills’ a fucking secret.”

“It was until the Avengers.I’d brief you on the whole thing, but something tells me you already know way too much.”

I kept my eyes glued to him, not looking away for even a second. I was proud of my abilities and plus, he never told me to keep out of anything.

“Listen, you already have a bunch of power puffs and musketeers. What do you need me for? Plus, isn’t there some rule that you can’t work for S.H.I.E.L.D. unless you’re twenty-five plus? HA BITCH! I’m still 22!” Crossing my legs, I smirked at him.

“That rule is bullshit and I know you know it and fine. I’ll just tell your mom about your pastime activities.”

“You wouldn't dare!” I glared at him.

“I would if it meant you’d join the Avengers.”

“Cause pointing you to the Skull-topuses arent enough? Now I have to join a stupid marching band?”

“Hailey.”

That shut me up. But before he could say anything else I yelled,  “FINE! Fuck you, I’ll do it. Not like you’ve actually given me a choice.”

“Come to the meeting room in an hour”

“No”

“Agent Zhang”

“I’m not an agent bitch.”

Mentally giving myself a once over I tell him, “Tomorrow. You want me to be a part of this pep squad? Then I want the meeting tomorrow at 7.”

“Sevens a bit-”

“8:45 or else I'm out.”

Rolling his eyes he huffed out a ‘fine’.

Standing up, I grabbed my bag and pushed through the double doors. The elevator ride pissed me off. I threw myself out of the elevator when I ran into a chiselled figure and fell back. I braced for impact considering I couldn't do a double flip to save myself because I wasn't supposed to know how. But the impact never came. Instead, I felt strong arms hold up my weight. Staring into steely blue eyes I realise who’s holding me. I push him off and let myself fall to the ground. Hanging my head in shame, I stutter a sorry.

“Are you okay?”

“I-I’m fine. I just need some air.”

I ignore his gaze, I push past the man and rushed out of the building. I ran to my car and turned on the engine. I couldn't breathe, fuck. I reversed and then pulled out onto the highway. I kept driving until I realised my eyes were getting clouded and I was about to throw up. I stopped on the side as soon as I exit the highway. My chest hurts, I can’t breathe. I threw myself out of the car and collapsed.

I woke up to red and blue accompanied with blaring sirens.

“Miss are you alright?”

This was embarrassing… I passed out on the road and someone had called 911. Fucking shit.

“I’m fine,” I nodded curtly.

“Alright, we’re just going to do a couple tests and if everything’s fine we’ll let you go. Is that okay with you?”

I smiled at him weakly, nodding my head.

“Are you able to stand?” she asked very politely.

As I tried to stand, I almost fell back but the woman had caught your arm before you did. You could feel your throat close up again. She sensed something was wrong and quickly let go, but only after she made sure you were steady.

After all the tests, I walked over to my car and as I put on my seatbelt, the paramedic who tended to me knocked on my window.

“Hey, if you ever want to speak to anyone about anything, here’s my number.”

“Oh no that’s- it’s- I’m fine. It’s okay!” I tried being peppy.

It clearly didn’t work as her brows furrowed deeper. Sighing I took her card and mumbled a thank you. She gave me a bright smile as I drove away from the area. I was definitely not calling her, but for some reason, I just shoved the cared into the glove compartment instead of throwing it out. 

[softboyholland]

mj gets knocked up in her last year of college

she goes to harvard and he's mit

so she barely ever sees him

and on top of that, he picks up the whole spidey thing again

so when they reunite things get rlly heated obvs

but then

she gets pregnant w his CHILD SKJKJK

and she finds out like a month before her finals

she keeps it to herself

although she knows the right thing to do is to tell him

but tbh she couldn't even if she wanted to

that’s how busy he is

so now her hormones are x100

and then the daily bugle's front page is of spider-man kissing some girl

WHO IS NOT HER

AND THAT IS THEIR SPECIAL upside-down KISS

ok so great whatever right

it totally does not matter at all that this

GIRL MUST BE THE PRETTIEST GIRL SHE'S EVER SEEN

but whatever

he was probably on the spot so he had to do it

it's fiNEEEE

then they schedule a date

and mj decides that enough is enough

and not telling him that she's carrying his OWN CHILD is a lil stupid

but that date is a disaster

bc for the most part of the date, he only talks about some girl called gwen stacy and some grand scheme between the two of them that she wasn't even listening to

and then in the 20 min mark, something happens and he leaves because he's gtg save the world!! wooo

and whatever she's not even surprised

so she goes home

and from simple googling, she realises that gwen stacy is the same person he kissed the other day

well isn't this rich

so now she's afraid

and she's never been this afraid because WHAT THE FUCK

MAYBE HE WOULDN'T WANT THE KID

and maybe she should abort her child

(that she's already grown attached to) but she doesn’t know that

so she calls liz and tells her about her plan and her dilemma

and liz tells her to take another pregnancy test

because maybe she's been cutting down on all her caffeine for nothing

and liz does that thing that phoebe does to rachel in friends

(for those of u who have never watched friends, liz tells her that the test came back negative and michelle starts tearing up because she's been attached to this baby already and now it's just gone so she's crying but then liz says that she lied and that the test is actually positive and michelle realises thats she wants to keep the baby)

and they both scream when they realise that there's a tiny smol growing inside of her

and michelle is crying omg

but then, she has a bigger problem

aka the father of this tiny smol

ok so liz tells her to wait until the whole gwen thing blows over

and that if peter doesn't come to his senses, she's going to take this whole gwen thing into her own hands

but somehow she finds herself looking at her reflection in the mirror, two weeks later

her hair is a greasy, knotted mess, at the top of her head, and there's a teeny tiny bump that most ppl mistake as a food belly there are dark circles under her eyes, and her skin looks rlly dull and her eyes are all red and puffy

then she thinks of gwen and her perfect eyes, and her perfect face and wow!

now she feels like shit

but whatever, she decides

because rn she just needs to get thru her finals

which are in two weeks btw

bc she will find a job and she will be able to support her baby

she knows it

so she studies like hell right

but then she takes like a practice test and she F A I L S

FAILS

MICHELLE JONES NEVER FAILS

and then she finally snaps

because her overbearing parents are going to kill her for getting knocked up by some white boi who doesn't even love her anymore

and now she's never gonna graduate from uni and she'll never be able to support her baby financially

and her parents aren't even going to help her because they'll probably disown her

then peter shows up at her apartment

and she wipes away her tears

but peter isn't stupid

um hELLO??? HE KNOWS WHEN THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE HAS BEEN CRYING

but she goes in for a kiss

and wow! he's missed her so much

then things start getting heated and she pushes him away'

and she decides to break up w him

don'T BLAME HER

HER HORMONES ARE A MESS RN

and then peter gets pissed

because he's stressed too

and don't think he hasn't noticed her distant replies to his snapchats and his texts

SO IT BECOMES A FULL BLOWN FIGHT IN HER APARTMENT

AND THEN FINALLY HE LEaves

and maybe the hinges on her door are a little loose bc of him slamming it so hard

but don't be fooled he never actually L E A V E S ???

like duh

he just stands outside her apartment and listens to the faint sobs coming from inside

and although he wants nothing more than to go back inside and to apologise and hug her, he knows that it's only going to make things worse

so he calls ned

when ned gets there, they spend 10 mins silently arguing outside of her apartment

then finally ned goes in

and well when peter slams the door behind him, mj breaks down

because her life has officially gone to shit

and she calls liz and liz is telling her to calm down and that she'll be there asap

but when the door bursts open and ned comes walking in

she decides that this is probably liz's work??

and when ned hugs her, she doesnt say anything but she subconciously holds her belly

then ned looks down at her and he's like

are u on ur period dood

bc maybe this is just a hormone-induced fight and peter's making a huge deal out of it

but she takes one look at her belly and starts crying again bc she's reminded of her situation

ned, as oblivious as ever, hugs her until she stops crying

so when peter hears mj crying again as he nervously paces outside her apartment

he groans and nearly hits liz

wait

liz toomes allen??

what's she doing here

then he remembers that oh ya right she's close to mj

and the first thing she does is hit peter across the head

gr8

"that's for hurting mj"

and then mj caves and tells ned everything

and finally, she gets around to the pregnancy part

NED'S CRYING NOW

BECAUSE OMG HE'S ONLY EVER DREAMt OF SPIDEYCHELLE GETTING PREGNANT

but then he subtly texts peter

'DUDE GET UR BUTT OVER HERE NOW, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS.'

but no reply because well, he's too busy fuckin having a heart-to-heart w liz

turns out that the whole gwen stacey thing was a scheme

bc gwen stacy was losing her job at the daily bugle and her boss is only interested in spider-man shit

so gwen, his childhood best friend before ned, who knows about his secret identity, offered him a job at the bugle in exchange for some news

and they kissed at some public event and now peter isn't in debt anymore because he has cash

also gwen is gay lol

eventually liz and ned leave

and peter is still contemplating leaving mj alone but he ends up falling asleep on her doorway like a creepy creep-creep

then he's woken up at 12 am bc of his spidey senses

and he bursts thru the door and finds mj on the floor, clutching onto her belly as if her life depended on it and there's a hint of tears in her eyes

now mj doesn't have spidey senses like peter so she has no idea that he's been outside her door for the past 2 hrs

so he helps her up

and then she's like 'sorry, i fell and i landed on my butt and i nearly thought i lost em-'

peter nods because thATS TOTALLY A NORMAL SENTENCE YES VERY-

wait

'you lost what?"

MJ PANICS

welp here goes

then she leads him to the couch

"pls don't freak out."

"that's what you said when you first kissed me so..."

"ok, well, um, remember that night after the uh the battle in manhattan.."

peter smiles

BECAUSE BOYYYYYYY, DOES HE REMEMBER THAT NIGHT

PHEW THAT WAS LEGENDARY

"right ok, so you know there was a lot of tension, and urgency, i guess we kind of forgot to use uh protection."

she gauges his reaction

but he seems normal

she takes a deep breath because wow she's really saying those words

"peter, i'm pregnant."

and he's still nodding along in understanding

jesus christ

but then his eyes widen and

wait

"holy shit! y-you're um, wow! wait, is it mine?"

she smacks his arm

"yes it is, you fuckin idiot! i wouldn't cheat on u!"

"right."

and then silence

"look, i'm keeping them. if you don't want to be involved in this whole...thing, then fine. it's your choice. i'll figure it out on my own, i don't need you any-"

"woah, woah, hold the phone. why are you already taking my child away from me?"

"because, PETER!! i don't think you'd want a baby with me, of all people, after going around and kissing gwen!!! and with your finals coming soon, and with spider-man duties!!!."

"so, that's why you've been so distant! michelle..."

and he explains the whole gwen thing to her and he assures her that he still loves her very much

and that he's been in love w her ever since they were 17 and he still is even when they're 23

"so, you still want to.." and she looks down at her belly

"yeah."

then she starts crying because of her finals and what if she never graduates and she's so glad that he's with her on this

and he kisses her sweetly, her tears on both of their lips, as he tells her that they're going to figure it out together

and that, my friends, is the story of how peter found out about michelle's first pregnancy