#i am giving him so much trauma i am rotating him

[garlic-sauc3]

[incorrecttowerofgodquotes]

Gundam: The Witch From Mercury Season 2 Episode 5 Review

- Happy Birthday is forever doomed, and that greenhouse does nothing but destroy relationships. God, I am suffer

- Sadly, Miorine fell for Prospera’s provocation and decided to team up with her, but on the condition that she leaves Suletta alone. But that’s perfectly fine for Prospera, Suletta doesn’t matter to her. She’s just a replacement daughter, and now that Aerial has hit Permet 7 or 8, she doesn’t need her.

- Shaddiq has the worlds most punchable face, but he is playing the game smart. Peil was an obvious wildcard, so he’s decided to partner with them in order to get them out of the way. And it looks like he already got his father out of the way too. RIP Sarius, you were the only good parent.

- Jeturk House is a literal found family and I can’t stop crying. They all love each other so much. It seems Petra and Lauda are dating and Felsi just learned about it. Also, the fact that Lauda loved his brother and wanted to support him from day one is sweet. God I hope nothing bad happens to any of them.

- The callbacks and dark reflections in this episode to Episodes 1 and 3 have slayed me. The end of the episode was an exact copy of the end of episode 1, but this time, Miorine is saying goodbye instead of hello, all underneath a darkened sky compared to the bright dawn we originally saw. The entire dueling room and then elevator-hallway scene was an exact copy of Episode 3, so much so that they reused Secelia’s animation. Since the three main characters this episode were Suletta, Miorine, and Guel, it makes sense to bring back references to the episodes that started their character development in the first place

- also somebody gotta glue Secelia’s ass to that couch cause every time she gets up some bad shit happens

- Guel and Suletta’s scene at the greenhouse made me feel like I was walking on air. Guel has grown so much and has decided to be honest with his feelings, and you can tell just how happy those words made Suletta. But at the end of the day, Suletta loves Miorine, and Guel supports her. He isn’t that selfish jerk we saw in episode 1 anymore. He wants what’s best for others to, not just himself. But also the GueSule shipper in me was crying a bit

- But that beautiful scene in the greenhouse leads to Miorine strengthening her resolve to give Suletta a good life, even if it means hurting her. She’s willing to work with Guel, someone she absolutely hated, because she knows he loves her just as much as she does, and all they want is for Suletta to be happy. The fact that Miorine is willing to sacrifice herself and enter a marriage she doesn’t want is heartbreaking, but there’s no one else she can trust.

- The scene where Guel says there’s no world without Gundams and weapons hurts a whole lot. Miorine and Suletta, despite all they’ve gone through, still haven’t seen the true harshness of the world. Guel, who’s experienced even just a fraction of what horrible things are taking place, can’t see any world where peace is absolute.

- Guel suffering from PTSD makes so much sense. As much as we like to meme that suffering builds character, what it ultimately did was fuck up Guel’s life forever. He’ll always carry the trauma of killing his father, but as we saw in this episode, the impassioned cries of his family is what snaps him out of it. Really, between Chuchu and Guel, I think Felsi has the magic voice ready to heal trauma. Maybe she should hang out with Suletta after this ep

- All right, this is going to be a long fucking section about El5n, because I genuinely have so many thoughts rotating in my head about this failson. First, the greenhouse scene. Seeing the way he so violently assaults Suletta out of desperation is terrifying. He’s being pushed to the absolute brink. He even brought a taser just to knock Suletta out. It’s a large change compared to his usual “just smile and wave” and I think it’s wholly because of last episode. El5n had his mind violated by Eri, the one place that not even Peil could assault and change. And that combined with Belmeria’s whining set off a bomb inside him. He realized in that moment that he will never be safe as long as he plays by Peil’s books. Any more attempts of hijacking the Aerial would continue to hurt the one thing he has control of, his mind, and if he sticks with Peil any longer, he’s going to die

- But what hit me the hardest was his anger at Suletta’s cries for Elan, specifically the line “The man you’re thinking of isn’t here.” It’s a short line but packed with so many meanings. First of which, the simple one being that El5n finally lets the cat out of the bag, stating that he and El4n are two different people. But looking at it deeper, we can see more to this statement. The second meaning could be the intense hatred he possibly feels towards the original Elan. That the man Suletta thinks he is has been hiding behind body doubles and living his life without even sparing a single thought towards her. The third meaning is that El5n is pissed that El4n is dead, and that Suletta’s cries for him just make his grieving so much worse. Fourth, and finally, is the fact that El5n doesn’t want to be a replacement for Elan, he wants to be his only person. All Suletta can see is Elan, not the kid underneath the mask, and that hurts him. The fact that his very identity and status as a person has been torn away is sick, but no one but him knows.

- But before any more of his true self can pour out, Guel comes in to protect Suletta, just twisting the knife further into El5n. He’s had no one to stand up for and protect him, he’s alone from everyone, separated by a mask. And the fact that the one who comes to Suletta’s rescue is a man who’s lived in luxury and hasn’t struggled a day in his life (at least on El5n’s eyes) is even more painful. The final shot was the “What are you afraid of?” line Guel says to him. Cause for the first time, someone has finally seen the pain and hurt he’s going through, and it happens to be some spoiled rich kid. But really, what is El5n afraid of? Is it a physical death or a spiritual death? Is he willing to wear the mask of Elan as long as he isn’t incinerated, or does he not want to lose his true self?

- Ultimately this retrospection El5n goes through is hidden to us, but we see the outcome. In which he’s chilling in a room with Norea and Nika for no reason. Truly a king. The dub said this line, but El5n feels like Norea is a kindred spirit. Someone who can understand what he’s going through and the amount of rage bottled up inside him at the unfairness of his situation. God, I hope these two end up together, or at least as partners. They need to fix each other so bad

- But where does El5n go from here? He can’t hang out with Peil anymore, so will he cooperate with Shaddiq? But Shaddiq is now working with Peil so that would cause some issues. Will he go full scorched earth at the presidential elections and air everyone’s dirty laundry? I think that would be an amazingly funny moment. Will he and Norea bond over their tragic pasts? I want to dig into his backstory so fucking much, but I know that doing so would only hurt me further

- Also small detail but El5n saying to Nika that her friends missed her was pretty sweet. He understands what it’s like to feel alone so he reassures Nika that she isn’t.

- When the happy birthday song came in and Suletta pulled out the big fucking gun, I got scared for Guel. We’ve already seen that thing eviscerate a mobile suit’s legs, so it’d probably have killed Guel if Mio didn’t step in. But still, who the fuck decided to put that song in there?! This isn’t funny anymore Okouchi

- God, Suletta’s love for Miorine hurts so badly. She wants to be properly married and do everything a married couple can, but in the end, it’s taken from her. Suletta’s codependency on her mother, Aerial, and Miorine is not healthy, and she needs to experience the loss of these things in order to grow as a person. But the real question is will she regress or progress? She still has Earth House, who are filled with nothing but the sweetest children, but she could also be taken advantage of by Shaddiq or simply dig herself into a hole. In the end, it’s all Suletta’s choice. She has to find strength within herself

- Miorine hesitated when hearing about Suletta’s dreams for the future. She wants just what Suletta wants, a happy life with the one she loves. But in Miorine’s mind, as long as Suletta is tied to the Aerial, her mother, and her, then Suletta will forever be stuck and taken advantage of. Miorine is willing to play the bad guy, no matter how much it hurts her, because she loves Suletta. She’s become the person she hated so much, her father, and you can feel the pain it’s causing her.

- Guel and Miorine feeling extremely guilty for what they did just means that Jeturk finally took another L. Though I hope Guel will be able to help Miorine realize it’s okay for her to love Suletta

- Ever Eri feels bad for what happened, but it also seems like she’s moved onto a higher plane, possibly within Prospera’s mask. I guess if she really is gone, that means the Aerial is back to killing people status. Or maybe it’ll find a new leech?

Guel claiming a W but still getting an L is perfectly on brand. The lesbians are going through a divorce arc. And I can’t believe I spent that much talking about El5n when he only showed up for like 3 minutes. All of our characters are suffering but Shaddiq, the bastard

[wormsin]

i hope this isnt very out of the blue—it’s just that these two have been rotating in my head for days (though tbh when have they stopped but anw), in your opinions, how do you think bruce and dick’s relationship can be healthy(ier)? like, ignoring the whole “the nature of comic demands them to always be unhealthy for conflicts/dramas’ sake”, (how) do you think they can move forward from all the bad things that have happened between them (especially if one counts spyral into it)?

i am also constantly rotating them and throwing them into rat mazes! endlessly entertaining.

my answer to this question is actually my ongoing series earth-w1 or: It's all part of the fairy tale. (see what I did there?) it's my fix-it AU set a year(?) after Spyral where Bruce and Dick get together. their relationship is very much a work in progress and messy but they are trying their best! hopefully I'll get the time to write the whole character arcs I have in mind for them.

so if we're talking comics Bruce and Dick? and we're not cherry picking the worst moments and dysfunction out? whether platonic, familial, or romantic, their relationship is deeply codependent. they need to grow as individuals before their relationship can be healthy.

they're great at ignoring their past conflicts and forgiving each other (without communicating that), because they always come back to nearly unconditional trust and love for each other. they don't need to open up old wounds between them, but they should. this is how comics deal with their issues—sweeping them under the rug, *maybe* with a few panels of communication where Bruce indirectly apologizes and Dick dismisses his need to apologize.

that's not actually good in the long run, and gives us situations like Dick coming back from Spyral with a cheery "family is everything!" smile, a character dissonance that *I* explain by Dick's desperate "Im okay" maladaptive coping mechanism.

anyway.

this is how to improve their relationship on the surface:

1. they realize that they both want each other around, and then actually spend lots of time together.

2. Dick helps call Bruce out on bullshit and helps improve his relationships. Dick soothes Bruce's emotional dysfunction by being a constant of unconditional love.

3. Bruce reassures Dick of his place in his life and the family, soothing Dick's anxiety about belonging.

4. the foundations of dysfunction in their relationship remain, so as soon as there's a crisis they fall into the same patterns as before, causing strain in their other relationships. Bruce can't be out of control or have Dick nearly-die without losing it. Dick drops everything to emotionally rescue him. Dick doesn't allow others to care for him.

this is how to improve their relationship deeply:

1. Bruce becomes brave enough to let Dick in past his armor, and shares and processes his childhood trauma. he recontextualizes what Batman is.

2. Dick accepts that he is worthy of love himself, and allows himself to be imperfect.

3. they actually spend time together.

4. Bruce makes a genuine effort to make amends for his past actions, regardless of the outcome. most importantly, Jason, whose death fundamentally changed Bruce. I dont think Jason needs to forgive Bruce or even give him the time of day, but Bruce must try and *not punish anyone if it doesnt go how he wants*.

probably the way to do this is to give both Bruce and Dick serious mental breakdowns. and maybe semi-retire them. I imagine them mellowing out a lot more when they're older and retired from vigilantism.

you can make their relationship and characters more, or less, fucked up but I believe the recipe still stands because Bruce's protective control and Dick's perfectionist caregiving are core dysfunctions for their characters.

[remyfire]

I think the funniest thing about Hawk being Like That is that Alan Alda has writers credits on the show. This man voluntarily made his character the most touch starved needy desperate person on the planet and that's so fucking insane of him. But also Mr Alda I would like to give you a little hug and a kiss for giving him to us because I love him with my whole heart. And don't even get me started on the fact that Hawkeye yelled to a general "I want to have your baby!" In literally the first season. Like Hawkeye my love not everyone needs to know you want to be pregnant 😂 And truly he deserves to be absolutely smothered with cuddles, everyone loves him and he loves everyone and I think it could help fix him.

Listen my Trap brain is always on, he's my man, I am thinking about him quite literally daily. And now that you reminded me of the priest line I'm gonna think of that too! Like Trapper my love what happened in your past? Did your parents give you that many names in hopes you'd be a priest? Did you pick one yourself for confirmation? Why did you keep all of the names despite seemingly abandoning the religion? I am peering at him like a bug under a microscope and there's nothing he can do about it.

That little coffee through line with Margret is so cute! Even though I'm sure it was unintentional on the show's part I definitely couldn't help but think of it and flash back to The Nurses in both the scenes in Temporary Duty and CAVE. Margaret and cups of coffee representing her character growth is honestly so sweet and I love it. Also ooohhhh self proclaimed Military Brat Margaret Houlihan realizing that the Army Way isn't the only way or even the best way, and the things that would DO to her. The realization that what she's learned her whole life isn't necessarily good, and having to contend with what that means for her and her career and her personality. And also having to face her father after that, because we see in Are You Now, Margaret? that she cares very much about disappointing him and even affecting his career. Would such a realization maybe help her become more of her own person that isn't living only to make her father proud and keep up the Houlihan name? Or is her desire to be a point of pride for her family more important to her than her personal development? Truly she's so fascinating to me. And it's definitely an interesting parallel with Mulcahy, both of them having something so deeply ingrained in them that it h u r t s when it's finally inevitably broken out.

Everyone in this show suffered enough in the narrative for several lifetimes but damn if I don't wanna give them a little bit more hardship to really crack them open and wrap up their character development in the way they deserve. I'll definitely give them softness and love but first they need a little bit of pain I think 😂

(Also I am officially onto season 8! I finished Goodbye Radar last night and was a Wreck. Man I love this show)

Okay hi again anon, sorry for making this sit while thinking too hard about Hawk and Beje and Trap things.

I swear that Alan did more to break and attempt to breed Hawk than any of us fanfic authors have ever done. I am not entirely convinced that this man didn't start getting the bends once he couldn't whump Hawk anymore and instead pivoted to writing fanfics for the old distant zines that popped up in the '80s. He probably has multiple AO3 accounts right now just churning out agonizing pain. Alan we know what you are.

I do hate that we got so little development for Trap compared to Beej but it's also delightful because it means all of us get to sit here and rotate him on a merry-go-round that goes faster and faster and never stops. Anything is possible. He's so INTERESTING!!! He's like half a guy! No matter what anyone says, they could probably make it work! And that means I am in fact slam dunking the religious trauma into him at breakneck speeds. Sorry, bud (lie).

I'm so glad you mentioned Are You Now Margaret because that's one of those underrated episodes that always has its teeth so deep in me. We learn so much about her so fast. Her big friend group!! She had so many people who loved her and who she loves enough that she refuses to endanger them even though she hasn't spoken to make in years!! The fact that she will give her father that kind of deference even though we all know in our bones that he doesn't deserve it! God, Margaret.

I love people like you who run in with a wrecking ball just absolute decimating all these characters that we know and love so that I can come in after in my little clown car with hot chocolate and blankets. I am a simple author. I know what my duty is here. And it's getting everybody laid by everybody else but ALSO giving them extreme amounts of aftercare and pillow nests ;v; We all share such a vital role in this ecosystem.

[glade-constellation]

Here’s a TSAMS snippet I wrote on a whim. I feel like some of the canonical stuff about Eclipse was wasted during his last arc and I really wanted to play around with it. Sorry if it’s a little odd to read, I was just writing whatever came to mind.

Possible TSAMS Spoilers : This is happening some time after Eclipse gets the star, not sure quite when but there has at least been time for Sun and Moon to do some bonding after Moon’s memory wipe.

CW : Strong language, canon-typical violence

“How are you all so ‘smart’, yet so fucking stupid,” Eclipse growled out, hands bawled into fists now shaking at his sides. “You just don’t get it, do you? You guys sit on your asses and blame everything on me without thinking for one moment that you could possibly have had an ounce of help in the matter. No, nothing could be your fault, because that would mean I’m right.”

“Eclipse, I don’t-”

Eclipse whirled around, clawed finger jabbing forward. “Shut it, Sun. This isn’t about you.”

Moon stepped forward to pull Sun behind him, giving an audible growl. His pupils were slits at this point as he glared. The visible rage only dropped slightly when seeing Eclipse's own anger bleed into chilling glee.

The taller solar animatronic slowly gave a sharp toothed smile, rays slowly rotating. “Actually, it’s never been about you. You were just the means to an end. I never wanted to hurt you specifically, not really. All of this, every moment of trauma I caused you, was for Moon.” Amber eyes glared daggers in the direction of the lunar animatronic, burning with fury despite his grin.

The slow screeching sound of metal crunching metal filled the air. Eclipse gave a huff of laughter when realized Moon had just dented his own fist in his rage. Moon’s claws dug into his palms as he shook. “You’re telling me that you hurt my brother, not because he may have hurt you, but because you wanted to get to me?!”

Eclipse threw his hands up, “Finally, we’re getting somewhere! That took longer than thought, honestly.”

A roar shook the air as Moon charged forwards, fist raised. Sun cried after his brother, reaching to try and grab him but failing. Eclipse simply gave a cackle before Moon seemingly froze in his spot, suspended just before he could land the hit.

Eclipse stepped forward, around the fist so he could stand face to face with his assailant. His smile dropped again as he stared the other down. “Here’s the thing, Moon. I’m you. I am every bit of your own nasty desires, ripped from your very own head. You hated yourself so much that you tore apart your own coding and left it behind. Every time I’ve hurt him, every time Sun has experienced pain by my hand, it’s because a part of you still lives on with the desire to do so to him.”

Slowly, oranges and reds began to bleed into whites and blues. Rays were retracted to be replaced with a starry night cap, the bell at the end gingling slightly as it swung down. Moon’s optics widened, horrified by the sight before him. Eclipse gave a low laugh, now red eyes turning up in a sharp smile on a crescent face.

“Sorry to disappoint, but you never stopped hurting your brother. Not really.”

[silverghostblog]

Info

This part doesn’t have to be read (it’s an infodump mostly) but it’s convenient :) I am killing the part of me that cringes at myself

More information will be added and changed as I expand on this character

Most info should be viewed ooc. This is mostly just bc the character is an oc but unless any info here is stated between characters, it would most likely be unknown (biggest example is his face)

Most info not on here will be on my main blog ( @mashedpotatosinacup ) in my Silver Ghost tag

Info for this character is constantly changing as I rotate him in my mind but I will try to keep this post updated

This is all very incomplete and very infodumpy but I’ll make official writings sometime or other

This oc is a bit of a Mary Sue but whateverrrr literally whateverrrr -

Basic info

Name: Elliot Lloyd

Age: 26

Gender: ?????

Alias: Silver Ghost

Pronouns: It/He

Ethnicity: Caucasian (Canadian-American)

Height: 5’7

Main Backstory (as of right now)

Silver came from generational trauma and undiagnosed mental illness at a young age. He grew up bullied and harassed until he finally escaped to college and moved out as soon as possible where he met Madison Valentino (Killer Cupid). He studied medicine and chemistry. He took up petty theft to get by, slowly building up his skills as time went on. He quickly became interested in how insane Gotham was and the heros and villains within. He spent more time studying, slowly driving himself away from everyone and into madness, believing that he could do it too and become something better than what he was and prove everyone wrong. In his rage, he’d end up killing someone (more to elaborate). He would be someone even if that someone was bad.

Silver’s biggest mistake has been trying to give himself powers. He was tired of just being a petty thief and ended up trying to use what knowledge he had of other villains to repeat the steps they did to gain their powers. He used what scientific knowledge he had to set up a fake lab accident. He thought it was working until he tried it. There was an awful explosion and he’d mutilated himself, making him hideous in his own eyes. His face looked deformed and his body looked monstrously scarred and ugly. He hasn’t been able to reverse it or feel better about himself, so he wears his mask whenever he can and doesn’t go outside a lot except for when he has to work in person in his civilian life.

After the whole ordeal, he started his villainous life. Even if powers didn’t work out, he could still do something.

Unorganized nonsense

Actually has really bad anxiety and needs like constant approval because the thought of messing up or making a mistake and ruining a relationship with someone (especially the rest of the krakens) terrifies him

Can have severe anxious and paranoid episodes where he needs to be alone in fear of hurting someone or being hurt. He has occasional panic attacks but hates them because they make him feel weak

He uses his villain persona as an escape when he’s by himself, seeing himself as a different person, someone who doesn’t care what people think, who can be bad and mess up and none of the people he care about would know and think he’s a loser

He fanboys so much over the other villains while trying to act cool and wants to be something better than he can be

Mad scientist esq kind of like a mix between both Dan and Herbert from Reanimator

Deathly afraid of fire

He wants to be perfect for everyone that’s around him because so many people in his past had left him alone. He holds in his excitement when out of costume and doesn’t talk about his hyperfixations because he doesn’t want to come off as annoying or overbearing. Eventually this leads to him being so focused on being perfect that he forgets to live and let himself experience things

The explosion did give him power (will expand on this eventually)

He has a hard time expressing his feelings and it often comes out more aggressive than he means to be but he doesn’t apologize because he doesn’t want to seem like less of a villain

Main voiceclaim is Charlie Slimecicle but I have others (full video is on my main and I have a part two in the works bc I’m indecisive)

He smells like metal and char that’s loosely covered by deodorant and cheap cologne

Freaking DORK

Personality

Silver is rude and short with people very often but he rarely means it, only assuming that’s how he’s supposed to act. Especially when he’s very focused on something he’s irritable and constantly insecure. He’s very twitchy and paranoid in general. He’s tough to get through to but he’s really very sensitive and soft. He’s scared and angry and assumes everyone dislikes him immediately so he always makes it a point to hate them first before they can hate him. It pushes people away but being alone makes him feel safe - or so he tells himself.

[e-dubbc11]

Why Weren’t You There?

Images found on Pinterest/Google

Pairing: Billy Russo x F! Reader

Warnings: mentions of PTSD, sadness, reader being comforting and supportive, trauma, mentions of broken bones, love confession, dialogue in the beginning is similar to dialogue in S2E4 of the Punisher series.

Word Count: 3.7k-ish

Summary: Billy starts opening up a little about his childhood trauma. Between his time in the Marines and his time at the group home, reader is convinced he has some form of PTSD and he also suffers from nightmares that he never wants to talk about. But as you grow closer, he trusts you enough that he can be more vocal in your relationship.

A/N: This is a very sensitive subject so I did some basic research into PTSD nightmares and I am by no means an expert. I did some reading about how to help someone suffering with them. Also this is MY Billy Russo, in my own little world where he and Frank are still best friends and where he never told Dinah the story of his broken arm.

As always, thank you for reading!  I appreciate it so much and comments are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕💕

Billy mentioned his nightmares have been less frequent since the two of you started dating. One of the symptoms of PTSD, was nightmares but he seemed happier and less stressed since your relationship began so he told you they were getting better.

You never pushed him to talk about them if he didn’t want to, talk about the group home, or talk about what he saw while overseas in Iraq and Afghanistan. More than likely, the cause of his post-traumatic stress was more so the group home than the marines.

Not to say the marines didn’t contribute to it in some ways, he is a combat veteran after all and has seen and experienced a LOT, but it was the story he told you about his rotator cuff being ripped in three places by a man that used to visit the group home that really broke your heart and it was enough to give anyone issues. Billy never wanted to talk about Arthur, although you had an idea of why he didn’t.

But again, you never pushed him, his best friend Frank had mentioned that Billy doesn’t talk about his childhood with a lot of people, actually he’s never really told anyone about that incident except for Frank. Billy must really care about you for him to open up like that.

“Billy, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. You know that right? I just want you to know that you can talk to me, if you ever want to.”

He smiled a little half smile. “No, I—I know I don’t have to but I want to because I—I trust you.”

So you listened, never uttering a single word, just held his hand and just let him talk about whatever he wanted. You could tell it was difficult for Billy to talk about growing up in the group home. The way he pressed his lips together and gritted his teeth when he talked about Arthur breaking his arm, and the way he looked away from you like he was ashamed of it. He did smile when he expressed how much he loved playing stick ball in the street, and he thought he’d be a famous baseball player when he grew up.

“I loved baseball ya know? I had this dream that maybe I could have played professionally, I wanted to be the next Joe DiMaggio, but yeah—Arthur took that away from me.”

His story made you angry, it made you cry but you were so proud of him for being a little more open and vocal in the relationship. You never expected him to open up like he has, that he feels comfortable enough to tell you about such a traumatic experience, it made you happy but sad at the same time that he had to go through that.

When your relationship became intimate, he talked a little more about the nightmares which, you thought, stemmed from the PTSD and you didn’t want to stay over his place unless he was comfortable with it.

“Why don’t you ever stay over, y/n? Do you just not want to?”

“Oh, no, no Billy—it’s not that I don’t want to stay over, please don’t think that. I just—“ You paused for a minute. “I just didn’t know if you’d be ok with it, because, well, your nightmares and everything.”

You had done some research on PTSD and nightmares, it mentioned not waking the person, but to calmly try and guide them through it and do it while they’re still sleeping.

Or if they have a time frame during the night when they typically have these nightmares you can wake them up before it starts. The disruption in sleep helps with the bad dreams but you really hated to wake him.

Billy had to sleep very close, he spooned up behind you, rarely loosening his grip on you for the duration of the night, and he mentions that he wants you to wake him up if you have to get out of bed for anything.

“If you have to get out of bed for any reason, I want you to wake me up, I need to know you’re getting up.”

It seemed a little excessive.

“But if you’re sleeping, I really hate to wake you up just to tell you I’m getting a glass of water or using the bathroom.”

Billy was very insistent and you could tell by the look on his face that it was just something he needed from you.

“Baby, promise me you’ll wake me up, please?”

You gently brushed his beard with your fingers.

“Ok, if that’s what you want me to do Billy, then that’s what I’ll do. I promise.”

Of course Billy had a nightmare the very first night you decided to stay over. At first you felt him twitch a little, his hands and feet moved, and he made little noises in his sleep but it wasn’t anything too alarming.

But as the nightmare progressed, the whimpers became a little louder and you were trying to be careful as to not wake him but rather try to soothe him, calm him while he’s still asleep.

“Billy, Billy, sshh, sshh. It’s ok.” You were scared to touch him and all you wanted to do was to take that pain away from him, to make it all go away but sadly that wasn’t up to you and thankfully it didn’t escalate too far and he seemed to settle back to a sound sleep.

You asked about it the next morning, he emphatically said he didn’t want to talk about it, but before you asked again, you remembered you were there to listen, not to try and force him to talk about it and he was grateful that you didn’t.

Anytime you had to get out of bed, you woke him up, even though you hated doing that but it brought him comfort to know where you were and to have you there next to him. There was one time however, you didn’t wake him up and things went horribly wrong.

Billy had a stressful day at work, the towering pile of paperwork was sky high on his desk, and going over applications for new recruits was a long and tedious process. He only wanted the best people for the job, so meticulously going over each application took a lot out of him, he was tired, and a little moody.

You tried to cheer him up by taking him out for dinner and drinks at his favorite bar but he was very quiet, distant, so you thought maybe it would be best if you just went home after dinner and left him alone, maybe he’d feel better in the morning. After paying the check, you tried to just leave and go home but he wanted you to come back to his place with him.

“Billy, you just seem a little stressed, you’re tired, and didn’t say much at dinner. I figured maybe you’d want to be alone tonight.” You said as you put your coat on and swung your purse over your shoulder.

He didn’t want you to go, he took your hand and brushed your knuckles with his long, slender fingers and begged you to come home with him.

“I’m sorry if it seemed like I was somewhere else darling, it’s just a really busy time for me at work.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, you could tell he was frustrated with himself.

“Please? I just want to be with you tonight.”

He looked at you with his tired eyes, you didn’t want Billy to be alone so you agreed to stay with him.

When you got back to his apartment, the two of you had a relaxing shower together, and even though he barely had the energy, he lovingly washed every inch of your body. He insisted, it was his way of apologizing and to make sure you weren’t mad at him. Of course you weren’t mad at him, you understood how busy it can get for him at work and tried to tell him that he didn’t have to do that.

“Billy, you really don’t have to—I know you’re tired. Are you trying to make up for being quiet at dinner?”

But Billy didn’t answer you, he just pulled you in close so your chest was flush with his, he bit his bottom lip and started to leave a trail of gentle kisses from your forehead, to your lips, and down your neck then back up to your lips again.

These kisses were bolder, hungrier, his lips felt smooth and firm, his strong hands roaming all over your naked body, tracing all of your curves, tangling his fingers in your wet hair, and you wanted nothing more than to tell him to keep kissing you, that you ached for him to devour every inch of you, but he needed rest. The shadows under his eyes were so prominent on his strikingly handsome face—sleep was calling his name.

“Hey handsome—how about we try and get some sleep, hmmm? You look exhausted, baby.” Billy hated to admit it but he was quite tired “maybe you’re right, love” so you both finished up in the shower and prepared for bed.

He waited patiently for you to climb into bed next to him, affectionately watching as you put one of his t-shirts on to sleep in. Billy loved when you slept in his old Marines t-shirts, they always smelled like your coconut and vanilla shampoo after you were finished wearing them and he couldn’t get enough of that scent.

After getting comfortable in bed, he gingerly peppered kisses on the back of your neck, the bristles of his beard scratched your soft skin as he fell asleep.

Later on that night, you slowly opened your eyes and had the feeling of extreme thirst. It was still very dark out so you assumed it was the middle of the night, Billy was sound asleep next to you and he had actually rolled onto his other side, facing away from you, towards the nightstand.

In the darkness, you could make out the silhouette of his shoulder rising and falling with his quiet steady breathing. You desperately needed some water but you really didn’t want to wake him up, he was sleeping so soundly, so peacefully.

You’d be really quick, just get a glass of water and right back to bed, he’d never know you were gone. While you were in the kitchen, you thought you heard Billy make a noise but by then it was too late. From the bedroom you heard a crash that sounded like the lamp from the nightstand hitting the floor followed by Billy’s panicked voice.

“Y/N! Y/N!! Where are you?!!!”

He stumbled out of the bedroom and crashed into you on your way back towards the bedroom. You were knocked backwards onto the floor and a couple of objects fell off the coffee table when the two of you bumped into it. The look on his face while he was rushing towards you was blind panic, terror, and it scared you. It scared you that he might hurt himself or that he might accidentally hurt you.

“Billy!! Hey, hey! Billy it’s me! Sssshhhh!”

He grabbed you and squeezed you until all of the air left your body and his eyes were wet with tears.

“Where were you?!! I opened my eyes and you weren’t there, where were you y/n, why weren’t you there?!!” He was scared and the sound of his voice was alarming you.

This was everything you did not want to happen.

“Billy, oh my god, I am so so sorry! Sssshhh! Sssshhhh!! I’m right here, love. I’m here! It’s ok, it’s ok. Look at me, I’m here.”

You cupped his face in your hands, it was hard for him to focus on you, maybe because he was still half asleep but slowly he started to calm down.

“Deep breaths with me—come on. Deep breaths, inhale…and exhale. Sssshhh—that’s it, you’re ok.”

There were tiny beads of sweat on his brow and his anxiety started to subside a little. It was at that moment, all you could think about was your broken promise. He asked you for one thing, to wake him up any time you had to get out of bed and you failed to do that for him.

“You’re still here—you didn’t leave.”

A tear fell down your cheek and you gently brushed it away before he could see as you held him in your arms, trying to steady your voice.

“I’m still here, baby—of course I’m still here, I would never leave. I just needed a glass of water.”

To try and comfort him, you raked your fingers through his wild black hair—it was all over the place like spilled ink.

“You were sleeping so soundly, I—I thought I could get up and come back and you’d never know I was gone. I’m sorry Billy, I’m sorry.”

The air in the room felt heavy and thick with the guilt that surrounded you and maybe you could have talked him through the nightmare if you had been there but maybe he would have had the same reaction. Either way, it didn’t change the fact that you broke your promise to him and you were going to have a hard time forgiving yourself for it.

You tried to pull away so you could get Billy some water and clean up a little but his grip made you feel like your whole body was in a vice and he refused to let you go.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Immediately, Billy started rattling off things he could remember.

“It—it was completely dark except for a faded yellow light in the distance in front of me. I—I could hear your voice calling out to me for help but I couldn’t see you and it didn’t matter how close I got to the light, I still couldn’t find you.”

The two of you moved from the floor to the couch while he was still explaining his dream.

“A-and then the light started to disappear, I—I could still hear you but your voice was fading too until I was left completely in the dark without even your voice to guide me. I was desperate to find you—I was alone and no matter how far I walked, I couldn’t find you to help you—you were lost to me forever.”

His skin felt a little cooler to the touch, a sign that he was recovering from his nightmare and your pulse was settling also but also you couldn’t help but silently weep while holding onto him.

As you choked back your tears, in a hushed tone you apologized profusely.

“Billy, I’m SO sorry—you’re not alone, I’m right here, you’re not going to lose me. I’m sorry I broke the promise I made to you and I wouldn’t blame you if you told me you wanted me to leave and--.”

It’s like those words instantly brought Billy back to you, he forgot all about his nightmare and with a surprised look on his face said “Leave? Why? No, no love, I would never ask you to leave.”

Now you were mad at the fact that he wasn’t more upset with you.

“I let you down, I should have been there and I wasn’t. You should be furious with me!”

This was supposed to be about you comforting him but the tables have turned and he was now trying to make you feel better.

“Hey, listen to me—this was NOT your fault. It probably would have happened anyway, I had a stressful day and stress makes--.” He stopped to take a deep breath. “Stress makes them, the nightmares…” his voiced hitched “a lot worse.”

Billy sat all the way back against the couch and pulled you into his lap to face him and you had one leg on either side of his hips. Your body language was closed off, arms crossed and you sat back a little on your heels so your bodies had a large space between them, you were looking down and off to the side—feeling ashamed.

“Darlin’, look at me please…please?”

You turned your head and looked up to catch his beautiful dark brown eyes focused on you and slowly unfolded your arms from your chest to rest your hands on his shoulders.

“I know I’ve told you before but I’m going to tell you again that my nightmares have been less frequent and less severe because of you, even when you’re not here.”

You were still upset with yourself though, you don’t break promises to people, especially to people you care so much about.

“I’m supposed to be comforting you, ya know.” You said tearfully.

He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulled you closer to him, and touched his forehead to yours.

“It could have been a lot worse if you weren’t here, beautiful. A lot worse.” He stated as he pulled away slightly to kiss your forehead.

“Billy, can you at least be a little mad at me? Tell me not to do it again? Something?!!”

He just looked at you intently with a smile on his face.

“It’s ok baby, really.”

He was not supposed to be this calm and you gave him a look of frustration.

“Jesus, Billy! Tell me I’m a terrible person for breaking my promise, please just tell me!”

He raised his voice a little.

“You’re not a terrible person—I’m—“

You interrupted him. “Yes, I am! I feel awful!!”

His voice was getting louder as he was trying to talk over you.

”—Well, I’m trying to tell you something! Can I just—?”

You pressed your lips together in a straight line and you were so flustered you weren’t even really listening to him because now YOU were trying to talk over HIM.

“I broke a promise to you Billy, so why are you not telling me to leave right now?!”

Exasperated, he looked up at the ceiling and back down to meet your gaze, then just let it all out. “BECAUSE I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!”

Your heart jumped from your chest into your throat and it felt like there were a million butterflies in your stomach. Your body was shaking even though you weren’t cold—that was the first time Billy had ever said the words out loud.

“What did you just say to me?”

He let out a little chuckle as he said “I said…I love you, y/n. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while and after what you did for me tonight, I just needed to say it…out loud.”

You wiped the tears from your eyes while you listened to him, still feeling guilty for not being there for him.

“You’ve helped me open up in a way that I never thought I would ever do with anyone—you know I’m not vocal, it’s difficult to say things out loud and you’ve helped me, ya know, be better…about that kind of stuff—I want to thank you for that.”

You were still trying to process what Billy had said to you. He doesn’t express the way he feels through words usually but this time he poured out his feelings like blood from an open wound. He’s never given you any details about his nightmares before tonight.

“Billy, you’ve never told me about what happens in your dreams before.” He gave you a look like he surprised himself on how willing he was to talk about it.

“Well, I may not be ready to talk about all of them…”

You gave him a little smile “Whatever you’re ok with telling me, I’ll be here to listen.”

“Thank you, love. And if it makes you feel better if I give you a talking to then fine…Ahem. Can you please wake me up before you get out of bed for any reason?”

His voice was very monotone, almost mocking you to show you how ridiculous it was for him to be mad at you.

“Any reason at all, I don’t care if you think you’re going to be really quick or not, PLEASE wake me up. We don’t need a repeat of tonight. Blah blah blah. There…you happy now?”

Biting back a sly smile, you shied away from him a little, and said “I love you too Billy, so much.”

You lightly touched his lips with your thumb and he kissed it. Billy was far from perfect but you didn’t need him to be perfect, you needed effort from him and he needed the same from you too, that was how your relationship would grow and become stronger.

Your big, tough marine never let anyone see his vulnerable side, he never wanted to appear weak in any way but he let you in, not all the way but you were the one to crack his tough exterior and maybe one day, he’d let you all the way in.

He kissed the top of your hand, inched forward to kiss you while you cupped his face with both hands. A shiver went down your spine as his kiss deepened, he touched his tongue with yours and heat rose to your cheeks. The man had the ability to make you blush every time he touched you and Billy’s kisses made your whole body flutter, it felt like the first kiss every time.

“And yes, that makes me feel better so let me just pick up a little bit and we can go back to sleep.”

He caught you off guard and swept you off your feet “Well…what if we do something else instead?”

As he carried you towards the bedroom, you asked “Like what, my love?”

He kissed you again “I think…maybe I’ll finish kissing every square inch of your body.”

As Billy lowered you onto the bed, you purred in his ear “Well I think you’d better take your time Mr. Russo, you wouldn’t want to miss a spot, now would you?”

As he hovered over you, he smiled his signature Billy Russo smile and whispered back “Maybe I’ll just go over everything twice, how does that sound, sweet girl?”

He didn’t give you a chance to answer as his lips crashed against yours. As you kissed him back, you wished with all your heart you were helping to wash away any remnants of a nightmare, even if it was just for one night.

Tag List: @mindidjarin @saintmurd0ck

If you’d like to be added to (or removed from) my tag list for the ever so handsome Billy Russo just let me know 💕

[sighonaraa]

hi!!!

so sorry for sending another ask lol. i went through every post under the football kiddo au and omg omg omg!! getting such a huge brain rot rn. i recently fell in love with ted lasso and i didn’t realize there was a fandom (most live action shows don’t rlly have one) im just so excited to go more into this wonderful fandom and read these fics along with the post and yk. everything ab being a fangirl lol (wish i got into this show and fandom earlier but better late than never) anyway, i have my own thoughts ab this au that i would love to share.

who can forget everyone’s fav kitman, will! can you imagine will but not a baby will. instead he’s around fifteen or sixteen and had his own emotional trauma and baggage (bcuz every character deserves a good old angsty backstory). and he just helps the kids by giving them water and helping injuries (my highschool has an athletic trainer program. idk if uk schools do but it would be fun). like he’s just a teenager who lives in richmond with everyone else and just starts showing up to help their makeshift football club. and like practically gets adopted my trent and ted. and he sees roy as this older brother (my personal headcanon is will’s an older sibling who ends up being the parent in his house due to his parents being neglectful) and for once he gets to be treated not as a parent. and jamie and sam and the other boys remind him of his younger siblings. also, once he graduates highschool. everyone, the kiddos, ted, roy, beard, trent, rebecca, higgins, etc all show up to his grad. and are screaming from the audience along with his siblings (and his parents aren’t there ofc but his found family is)

also, rebecca is such a cool aunt. like she grows a soft spot for the kids and treats them like she treats nora

sorry about my rambles, i just love this fic so much and i can’t wait for more. also brb gonna read your other works. just i think we both can agree how much we love this little found family.

so much love <33

hi hello hi!! it's so lovely to have you join the fandom, it's a very fun and sweet little corner of the internet and i'm so glad you're here with us now :-) and weeps? WEEPS! i'm overjoyed to hear that you're enjoying the football kiddos au -- i am slowly but steadily working thru chapter 4 and getting comments like this shrimply makes my day.

first of all: I LOVE YOUR WILL THOUGHTS. PLEASE KEEP TALKING. i am ashamed to say that i forgot will existed sjdkfj but i do adore him and his funky ways and i am very [eyes emoji] about a teenage will herding his wee siblings of various ages around town while the adults follow behind and keep anyone from running off into the street. the entire team coming to his graduation........... oh weeps :') this is everything i adore. he'd be so gentle and caring with all of the kiddos but particularly the younger ones, and able to tease the older ones in such a specific Older Brother way. this is so!!! ough. i'm rotating a new plotline for will in my head as we speak.

second of all: you are SO correct about rebecca that is in fact EXACTLY how she's going to be once she finally meets the kiddos. and nora!!! nora my beloved. she and rebecca will be having a large role to play in this fic Mark My Words.

and third of all: please do not apologize, i adore hearing people's rambles about my fics and i cherish each and every comment with all my heart. and yes, we CAN agree on that. this little found family is very incredibly special to meeeeeeee. so much love to you right back!! <3

[safyresky]

So I've only watched this last week's (this has been in my drafts for WAY too long) episode once (I usually do it twice but have yet to do a second watch and feel a rewatch will be in order at some point) but I have been rotating it around in my head since tscs mutuals first started posting their thoughts and I have SO MANY thoughts because this episode ONCE AGAIN packed soo many things in one go. Why don't they understand how PACING works? My GOD.

Anyway~

My initial thoughts before even watching the episode were "this is whack". Here's why.

This is episode 3.

Of 6.

We are halfway through. And our antagonist (Mad Santa) and Protagonist (Santa Scott) have yet to cross paths. And post watching S2E3, Mad Santa only JUST got his hands on some North Pole magic.

THREE EPISODES IN. HALFWAY THROUGH.

Do you know how much stuff is going to be packed into the next THREE EPISODES? Let me make a list (bc I LOVE lists)

Mad Santa getting back to the Pole

The obligatory "I've failed ):" from Santa Scott when Mad Santa gets to the Pole

Mad Santa GETTING to the Pole

The Council giving Scott 3 months to get Cal shipshape, and episode 3 starting with Olga saying IT'S BEEN THREE MONTHS.

(ALREADY????)

So we still have THAT to look forward to, assuming they even LISTEN to their own boundary, since we know this show's track record with continuity is. Bad.

PLUS we still have a Sandman cameo coming! And a big old snowball to be thrown in Scott's face! (I have my clown shoes on)

Carol is STILL trying to find the missing nutcracker. She has gotten no closer; her trail is so cold she's looking at JACK as a suspect (yes I saw the cameo too, absolutely delightful for us Jack stans on main)

(pun absolutely intended)

Cal and Sandy are only JUST talking to one another about how their magic training is going, and are only JUST like. Diving into the drawbacks of being raised up North AND NEVER GOING ANYWHERE as well as the trauma that must be there from experiencing life in the real world, ENJOYING IT, and being yanked back to the Pole for the "family business"

Befana and Sandy. So THAT is a thing that was lovely then fell apart for no good reason--it was ONE MISTAKE and could've been handled better Befana, come ON girlie!

Easter Bunny being turned back into his EB form (tho tbh we should keep him as a bunny. Sorry not sorry, I have always been an EB hater on main)

Cal dealing with A) first heartbreak over Riley (which was stupid, more on that later) B) not wanting to be/do the Santa thing BECAUSE of a MULTITUDE of reasons he has NOT shared with Scott and C) the fallout when he realizes the vest is gone. He is NOT going to tell his parents at ALL. His whole existence practically rides on "I gotta make Dad proud!" and this deffs won't do it, but HEY! Maybe the writers will surprise me and he'll be OPEN and HONEST with his Dad!

Bc let's be real, ALL OF THEIR PROBLEMS COULD BE SOLVED WITH OPEN COMMUNICATION

I am off topic. Deep breaths. Whew. SO. We have all THAT to focus on.

PLUS Sandy's powers! She's apparently more powerful than Befana thought? Sandy now has to deal with that SANS her mentor and I DOUBT Carol will be helpful with that. She WOULD'VE BEEN in the MOVIES. But SERIES CAROL? APPARENTLY NOT FUCKING LIKELY SINCE ALL OF HER CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT HAS GONE OUT THE DOOR FOR TOKEN FEMINISM THAT IS IMMEDIATELY CHECKED OFF A LIST AND MADE IRRELEVANT WITH THE PLOT OF "One woman is jealous of another woman"

Oh my god off topic again. SORRY. RIGHT. So, we have Sandra's magic to deal with still. Her mentor/mentee relationship with Befana. Cal's own magical struggles and his relationship with his Dad in terms of Mentor/Mentee. These kids need THERAPY, SOMEONE CALL NEIL

SO ALL OF THAT. IS GOING TO BE JAM PACKED INTO THESE LAST THREE EPISODES. AND I JUST KNOW (based on last season) THE RESOLUTIONS WILL NOT PAY OFF.

So yeah, thems the opening thoughts (with some watch thoughts leaking in, admittedly).

AS FOR THE EPISODE ITSELF.

OH BOY.

It's still very mid. It gives a lot of good bits but either A) contradicts them or B) gives them not enough time to flourish (see: Carol and Befana for A, and Cal and Sandra for B). It is also STILL ignoring its own continuity, and not just from the movies, but from literally the first two episodes of the season!

Did Cupid not say. One to two episodes ago. "Hey Santa, we, the Council, aren't really sure about this Cal thing? So uh. You've got three months. and if it's not working out. We're calling it."

And did Olga not say. At the start of this episode. "It's been THREE MONTHS since we escaped and we are NO CLOSER" yadda yadda yadda.

So THREE MONTHS have passed between THIS EPISODE, AND THE LAST ONE?

SO WHERE THE HELL IS THE COUNCIL? HELLO???

I actually thought that that would be like, the big crunch time thing for the series, you know? THE plot motivator. Or at least, one of many. Like I was expecting a montage and for each episode to have a month packed in and for the final episode to involve resetting everything to Scott's ideal status quo and defeating Mad Santa and Olga. Needless to say, I was SHOOK when they opened with THAT.

Olga and Magnus are fucking hilarious, full stop. I kinda want Olga to do a stab ngl!! Their whole dynamic has been interesting lol.

The Judy cameo was a fun Easter egg, but it's a shame they didn't give it a bit more hype, you know? That would've been fun. The Jack cameo (if we can even call it that) was ALSO a fun Easter Egg, tho I am much too mad at Carol's writers rn to be like WOO JACK. But you bet your ASS I saw that lil easter egg, lol. It's kinda frustrating? They keep throwing these lil cameos/easter eggs at us like it's an attempt to placate us or smth. Idk, I am tired and JADED and Don't Trust Like That.

Right so what else. Going in for round two. Wish me luck:

Agree with ALL OF YOU about the poor elves being used as reindeer stand ins 🙄🙄 AWFUL. SOMEONE KNOCK THIS GUY OFF A ROOF FOR GOOD! DAMN! (Santa not Cal)

Sandra and Carol. GOD. So much cringe! SO MUCH! BECAUSE OF BAD PARENTING. HOW DO THEY SUCK SO MUCH AT BEING PARENTS? WE ALREADY HAD 3 MOVIES OF THIS AND CAROL WAS NEVER A W F U L

(RIP spider on Carol's shoulder)

Carol and Scott talking about the kids was just. They are SO OUT OF TOUCH. AND SCOTT HAS A SISTER??? I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS PERIODT. He has only child energy, and wow did he EVER suck at reassuring Carol. Anyone else sick of Old White Men? Anyone?

Sandra reading the transformation spell and then accidentally doing it is deffs foreshadowing. She's gonna transform the SHIT out of Magnus, calling it NOW

EB HAS APPEARED! KIDNAPPED BY OLGA! ICONIC! And they were PALS??? Magnus I am so intrigued. Who Are You

And obligatory "BLERG BLAH CONTINUITY" re: EB being there all the way back then

NTS: There is an Easter Gopher too. I am taking notes.

Scott being an undignified, pathetic name: GET HIS ASS (count: 9)

EB is so wrong about Peeps. He is falling lower and lower on my list of Legendary Figures. Him laying the egg. Cool EB magic, disgusting execution. I am 99% sure bunnies don't even LAY EGGS

Where tf do they get the eggs from???

OKAY CAL AND SANDRA

Love that they're having sibling bonding. "doing it for everyone but yourself" GET HIS ASS, SANDY. (GHA Count for Cal: 1). Hate how short the scene was and how it boiled down to a sort of silly joke (being a crossguard instead of Santa). Like. They could;ve axed the dinner with Noel scene, cut tight to Santa training Buddy (Cal), and after that debacle moved on to sibling scene and having them bond. Like. There is substance and it is there but it is not being well executed. LET THE KIDS HAVE ROOM FOR GROWTH! (but dani! we have 3 more episodes to go! SEE MY FIRST LIST! THEY DON'T HAVE THE TIME!)

Santa asking for a jetpack and Carol being like "don't force your son up there to get over the heights thing" and then telling him to just say "I love you and I'm proud", GET HIS ASS (GHA Count Scott Edition: 10. And we're not even halfway through the episode). GOD. I wish Carol would take her own advice re: Santa and Cal and apply it to Sandra and Herself, come the fuck ON guys. DO BETTER.

DINNER WITH BEFANA (Scott: can't make it Carol: Gonna kill him. GET HIS ASS)

Cool idea, HORRIBLE execution. I am not a fan of how Carol was like "woo! ladies being ladies!" and them immediately we get a plotline of her being jealous of another woman. It's very. Token/preformative feminism. It's like they are checking items off of a list. I dislike how SHALLOW most of these subjects are in the series. Like, if you don't know how to handle something like that, THEN DON'T WRITE IT. GOD.

Like. When Sandy lifts the salt with magic, SUPPORT IT. Don't be like I NEED TO ONE UP IT. Also, interesting that Mrs. Claus. Despite being Legendary by marriage. Doesn't have magic?? I think she should. GIVE CAROL MAGIC 2k23. Carol overreacted and then so did Sandy and I just think that this whole La Befana/Mrs. Claus plotline could've been done better!

Especially Befana inviting Carol over and then Carol promptly asking if she should bring a broom, something something, witch stereotypes being a thinly veiled allusion to magical racism something something

I BET IF BUDDY HAD GONE WITH CHARLIE TO THE "CLUB" HE WOULD'VE GOT IN JUST FINE

"Are you talking to the float or me" I am SO angry for Cal/Buddy. The poor kid thinks his Dad is super not proud of him, his whole existence seems to hinge on his dad's approval and I am so upset about all the implications of this I'm gonna explode things with my MIND

"Hare to the throne" Cal you are so stupid. And my GOD the Hare vs Heir argument being the reason Sandy explodes things like I just. That could've been done better.

This whole SCENE could've been done better! Befana didn't need to be so mean! It was an ACCIDENT. She explains it loud and clear and what do you MEAN something else entirely I'm SCREAMING. Befana being like we're stepping back? Like. UGH. And then the jealousy thing? Oh wow! More pitting ladies against ladies! GOD. I'm so upset about this whole thing it's unreal ):<

OKAY. SO THE SLEIGH STEALING SCENE AND WHERE THAT GOES.

WE LOVE TO SEE BUDDY AND SANDRA BONDING! STEALING THE SLEIGH! (not to get all OCs on main but JACQUELINE APPROVES). I love to see them working together to be delinquents, but my GOD the Riley thing

UGH

Like. I know we're supposed to feel bad for Buddy but like, the whole romance between him and Riley has been so ick and the way their breakup went. It was like. You KNOW. It was written to be poignant with lines like "you're always busy with your dad" and "I want you to dust me so that you never met me" which would have worked if. You know. They weren't FIVE. (16-18). It just didn't work :\. I haven't had time to like, enjoy them and they made Riley very, very. Unlikable tbh.

ALSO. Cal from CALGARY? As a Canadian, THERE ARE A BUNCH OF OTHER PLACES YOU COULD'VE PICKED! VANCOUVER? TORONTO? YOU WENT WITH CAL FROM CALGARY? I can't with y'all. ALSO. THEY DID SCHOOL TOGETHER FOR A YEAR. I FEEL AS THOUGH THE KIDS SHOULD KNOW WHO HE IS. OH YEAH THAT WEIRD EXCHANGE STUDENT WE HAD FOR A YEAR. Y'ALL ARE DOING LONG DISTANCE? SUPER! LIKE. HELLO???

Kudos to Sandra for being the funniest bitch alive with the creeping in the corner like "That was rough af bud." It's giving

ehehehe.

And FINALLY Mad Santa has his magic back. Here's how I'm guessing the next episode is going to work:

Mad Santa practises using his magic to make Santaopolis all fancy smancy

Manages to make it up north by the end of the episode

Cal has a fallout with his Dad over the Santa vest thing

It becomes a bigger deal than expected

Sandy cameo probably bc EB is missing and he was last seen THERE (Man Santa, you're really getting on the Council's radar in all the bad ways, huh? Putting Jack to shame! 273 counts of attempted upstaging of Santa vs how many billion counts of magical exposure? And an EB kidnapping? Bc I bet that'll be a thing posited next episode)

As if La Befana can't undo a spell (I AM ROLLING MY EYES)

They will make ZERO progress on figuring out who Mad Santa is and they will be very confused when he makes it to the North Pole next episode

I also tho wouldn't be surprised if they stretch Mad Santa getting to the Pole to episode 6. That seems on brand for how they treat pacing (as if it does not exist).

tl;dr: too much preformative stuff. very mid. Cal and Sandy are fun but I wish they were given more time to shine! Pour one out for our boy Noel who is having a rough go of it tbh and Kris too who's gonna get back from Costco very, very confused

[shoot-of-corruption]

🗣 + Seto

☠ ― Send '🗣' + a character to hear the mun's opinion about that character.

OUF... Seto Kaiba has always been a difficult case for me. I realize that most of the YuGiOh cast went through terrible trauma at some point in their life, Seto Kaiba, too, had this doubtful pleasure enforced on him.

I think at some point he lead a nice good life, somewhere with parents that very much loved him and his little brother. But as this things happen they never seem to last and something has robbed from him the people he felt safe around. Firstly that certainly is still inside of him. I am very certain he remembers those times, being happy with a family of four members.

Growing up the older sibling and losing his parents though, wouldn't just cause him grief, it would also cause him to grow especially cunning and resourceful - he had to take care of his brother now of course! Not only was he increasingly cunning about giving Mokuba the best life, he also completely ignored what grief it would cause himself. Being adopted by Gozaburo Kaiba... cannot ever have been easy. It would definitely cause Mokuba to live better, it would also lessen the fear of being separated because some dumb couple simply didn't want to adopt two children - and brothers at that.

While that Damocles sword was swinging over his head, he had to perform things he had never even dealt with. Brain acrobatics, planning every second of his life through, being punished for transgressions and failure. It must have been extremely rough on a person who was no doubt extremely gifted, but had never lived under such strict regiment. I think all was well until Gozabura enforced that he couldn't see Mokuba, if his performance wasn't excellent.

I think that was the moment where Seto Kaiba decided one old geezer had to go. He had given him everything to work with, while thinking he was still in control, because he completely underestimated this child... merely even a teenager. And I can see how through all of this abuse and grooming and terrible cold behaviour towards him, being forced to go through this out of love that was perpetually beaten out of him would cause him to become the person he was in season zero and also that the death of his adoptive father was nothing but a triumph. They could live together now, Mokuba and him, but nothing was really feeling good anymore. He had been made into a shell of a person and the love for his brother just waasn't the same anymore and that in turn caused Mokuba to become colder as well.

While Kaiba went through his mind crush, Mokuba would definitely throw his antagonizing firmly aside to just hope for the survival of his brother and everything going awry after that, Seto Kaiba, who had finally woken up and found that things (especially brothers) hadn't been left where they should be, had [with the help of Yami]broken through the teachings of his father and his emotional and mental abuse.

I am always impressed by how far the lengths are that certain characters go... and while Kaiba seems to be just a complete ASSHOLE on the outside, definitely still following the teachings of Gozaburo when it comes to skill and the job of being a CEO, his goals are simply completely different. Not only does he kick the old man with pleasure, while he rotates in his grave, he just uses his potential to give people joy and earn money with that.

He has built himself a perfect living space already and now everything seems to be in order, but something or another is still ingrained in him. The simple and odd need to win at all costs. He has gone through so much and in his eyes DESERVES the position of being at the top, everybody had thrown rocks in his way, to hurt HIM personally and then along comes some little dwarf, stealing his victory. And that - my friends - he was simply unable to forget and it grew into a new obsession.

On a total he is simply a fascinating character. He has his flaws, but works around them. He is cunning, but refuses to see solutions that lie before his feet. He built a cold surface, but would sell his soul for his brother in an instant. He may be a little emotionally stunted, but I think he is just performing for himself after that mind crush experience. There are things he is very unwilling to budge on... and he does only for Mokuba (and sometimes Yuugi/Yami) because they really NEED to stay around him, so he can have access at all times. X'D

Seto Kaiba may behave like an old cold bastard, but even he needs his support system here ;D

[deniigi]

Earlier when you were talking about qui-gons fandom portrayal, I couldnt help but think about those fix it type of fics where if qui-gon became anakins jedi master that it would suddenly fix every single plot problem and how much they misunderstand qui-gon as a character (assigning him an almost godly persona), and I really appreciate your expansion on how he really is just some guy, now to be fair he is also a pretty complicated guy but in a balanced way like hes on one hand the most difficult man in the world to have a conversation with and yet also the #1 person on the dream blunt rotation group

Anyways not much more to add just wanted to drop by and say it is such a delight to read your thoughts on him, he is so interesting with regards to the choices he makes while alive and how he haunts the narrative after his death

Awww. Thank you and yes, I totally agree. I def don't think Qui-Gon being Anakin's master would have fixed much.

I actually wrote by the following acts committed, as a response to those fics to give an alternative to the 'what would have happened if Qui-Gon lived' question.

I think the only benefit of Qui-Gon being Anakin's master would have been that he'd have had more experience teaching than Obi-Wan, but even then, Qui-Gon isn't as much of a maverick as people think he is. And I am just not sure that his teaching style would have benefited Anakin--who seems to like tight bonds and explicit instruction--as much as it did Qui-Gon's other padawans.

It is likely an issue of maturity. Different kids are different kinds of mature. It took Obi-Wan a little bit, but he finally came into a maturity that allowed him to mesh his learning style with Qui-Gon's teaching/existing style. I imagine that it may have taken Anakin a little longer to get to that point due to the culture shock, the trauma, his attachment to his mom, etc.

He may have grown frustrated and then impatient and then angry. I mean look at Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon kept him as a padawan up until about 25 years old. I don't think Anakin could have tolerated that and may have lashed out earlier.

[wicked-elfie]

Time Swap (ROTMNT)

Time Swap AU created by @teetlezhere

Chapter 5

TW: Trauma, mentions of action violence, mentions of hospitalization

Beginning / Previous / Next

( I’m gonna put some notes at the end! I hope you enjoy this one. I had to do SO MUCH MATH. And I SUCK at math so if any of you are really good at it and notice I was wrong about anything- just don't tell me :’( enjoy! )

~*~*~*~*~

In the present…

The elder of the two Leonardos held his water glass by the rim and rotated his wrist, swirling the liquid inside. He had taken a couple sips, but his mind was busy. He pushed back the deeply buried memory he had woken up from before Raph had questioned him; He had too much on his plate and too much to confront right now to think about it; Now, all he had to do was wait.

And man, did he wait: It was probably only an hour, but the silence that dragged on made it feel like years. He examined his surroundings to distract himself. He found several things he had forgotten about his genius brother’s lab: a statue carved to look like Donnie’s face - he chuckled at that, narc, the smooth metallic desk it stood upon, the machines he still didn’t understand, and - finally - Donatello’s battle shells. Leo sighed and lowered his gaze, finding interest in the water glass again.

He was mesmerized for a moment till he heard a loud crash. Jolting his head up, he observed the cracked-open door. His eyebrows lifted as he listened to a rambunctious discussion in the hall.

“The future?! You mean to tell me that’s how tall he becomes?! I want to be that tall! Donnie, Donnie! When I’m old, will I be tall, too!?” He recognized the excitable and squeaky voice of his youngest brother.

His lips pursed when he heard the second one, with a flatter tone, “That’s what you want to know? I want to know why I wasn't the first one to come back! I should’ve invented time travel by now! But I guess if I were to think about it, I could say that from the analysis I performed on the subject after he had passed out: I date him to around forty years old, give or take a couple of months. If I’m correct- and I am- then it is safe to assume that since Leonardo was born in 2004, then this Leonardo resides in the year 2044. This would put you at thirty-nine years old; this means you’re far beyond full grown.”

Leonardo smiled to himself at Donatello’s elocution. “That being saaaiiiid; Red-eared sliders, in their natural state, can grow anywhere for 4-12 inches. Box turtles usually average out at around 5-7 inches. This means that since this Leonardo measures at 6’3”, you could be anywhere from 3’8” to 7’8”.” A pause: They’ve stopped walking. “Given that you are taller than the former calculation already, with you currently standing at 4’7…” There was a tapping noise, potentially a foot on the ground. Leo could imagine Mikey leaning in with dazzling eyes, anticipating the answer. The purple banded whiz mumbled and his steady footsteps continued down the hall, followed by Mikey’s scattered ones. “Leo’s 5.42 to 6.25… 86.72% meaning… 13.28%…4.58… that’s 5.19, so therefore…” The door metallically screeched open as the older of the pair pushed it aside with his back.

“Gosh, I need to oil that… Hm… 5’2”?” Donnie’s left hand held up his right elbow, while the opposite palm rested under his chin in thought. Leo took a moment to watch him, continuing to tap his foot now that the brothers had made it to the lab. He missed their antics dearly. “So in short- Hah! See what I did there?- You are not tall!” The snarkier brother leaned down to Michaelangelo and grinned.

“5’2”?! No! This is the worst news ever!” Mikey threw his arms up in despair. “I only get to be a foot shorter than him?!”

Donatello grumbled at the dramatic reaction and the mathematically incorrect revelation, “No, Miguel. You get to be eleven inches shorter than him.” He nodded in resolve to his brother. Mikey humphed and crossed his arms, pouting at his feet. Leonardo chuckled, drawing their attention.

“Actually, he taps out at 5’4”.” He fought back the urge to fling his arms around them. They don’t know me. “Hey, guys.”

Donnie let his hands hang to his sides and gave a disapproving glare to the newcomer, “Nine inches, then.” His statement is quickly ignored by the box turtle with stickers on his plastron. Mikey leapt towards the warrior.

“I have been waiting so long to meet you!” The smallest turtle stood in front of Leonardo. “Donnie said that you looked cool, but you’re even cooler up close!”

Donatello’s face scrunched up and he whisper-yelled, “Don't tell him I said that, Mikey!” He yanked the thirteen-year-old backwards, and continued to scold his brother softly, “We don’t know him. There’s a 50/50 chance he could be a bad guy! Splinter said Krang can corrupt things. This includes, but is not limited to: people, animals, inanimate objects, and mystic mutants! We don’t know what that looks like, remember? We’re only here to get affiliated. All business, no talk. Where is Dr. Delicate touch?”

Mikey sighed and shook himself out a bit. “Hoo. Okay. You’re right.” His lips tugged down into a stern frown, “Serious stuff.” He gave the larger mutant a suspicious sideways glance. Standing straight, his arms locked together and he stepped slowly before the warrior. “So… They say you’re from the future.” His lower lip pushed up in an attempt to look menacing; It didn’t work, but it made Leo laugh.

Donnie ducked between his younger brother and the new ninja, shoving his face up close to the elder turtle, “Why are you laughing?! Have you tricked us?! Gasp! I knew it… You are a bad guy!” He swung an accusing finger at Leo, only to continue to humor the elder mutant.

Mikey gasped and held his head, tugging on his imaginary hair, “O-mi-gosh! What if he already got Raph and that’s why he was being so weird?! Donnie you were right!” He cried and held onto his brother’s arm for comfort, only to be pushed off.

Leonardo’s laughter dissipated at the remark; This was serious. He looked up to the taller of the pair and calmly retorted, “I’m not krangified, Don. If I was, I would have probably killed you all by now.” Donatello’s hand dropped, and Mikey froze up behind him.

The moment passed when they all turned their attention to the door, hearing a deep voice with a hint of an NYC accent, “Donnie, Mikey, leave him alone.” The younger two backed out of the way.  Raphael approached Leonardo and held out a cylinder with shapes carefully carved into it. “This tha key you were lookin’ for?”

Leo nodded his head in amazement. He hesitantly picked it up from Raph’s palm and looked it over. You shouldn’t be surprised. You weren’t here to mess it up.

“We went on a mission while you were out to get back a stolen artifact. When I came home and you were up: The description y’a gave me was way too similar.” The red banded mutant rubbed the back of his head. “Do y’a know how to get rid of it?”

The older ninja traced a thumb over what would be the brow of the face-like carving on the relic and pondered out loud, “Splinter had said that four mystic warriors created it.” He raised his chin to gaze upon his brothers from another life. “Maybe we need four mystic warriors to destroy it.” He bit the inside of his mouth, and let his head hang down again, “But we only have three.”

The purple-clad turtle raised a questioning eyebrow, “You’re Leonardo? That means we have four?”

Leo shook his head and sighed, “I lost my powers to the Krang leader after… well, after something… difficult happened to me.” He closed his eyes.

Red. A sea of red. Waking up to April and Mikey crying. Hearing Raph’s monitor beep steadily in the back. Hearing his own monitor beep beside him. Donnie. Ringing ears. Donnie. A new face scar. Donnie.

This can’t be happening. Don’t act like this is goodbye. Don’t you dare.

“Uh… Leon?” Mikey’s quiet beckoning brought the warrior back to his senses.

Leonardo blinked back a couple tears that had managed to pop up on his waterline. He clenched the artifact till his hands felt numb. “There was a blast. Krang have the ability to take mystic powers away by releasing this…  scream.” He whispered bitterly to the key in his hands, “My portaling abilities were hardly the worst loss that I suffered from that day.”

Donatello was holding a trembling Mikey in his shell. Leonardo’s gaze softened. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, kid.” The youngest brother barely lifted his head above the opening.

“It’s okay, Leo.” he meekly responded. I forgot how nervous he could be.

Raph pinched his chin in thought. “Could we… I don't know… get y’a powers back?”

The purple banded brother released the shell, sending Mikey down to the floor with a thud. “I’ve got it!”

“Ow!”

“Sorry.”

Mikey unfolded from his hiding place and rubbed his back, puffing his cheeks out at his older brother in response to the betrayal. Donnie sheepishly helped him to his feet. Leonardo chortled, “Well then: What’s the idea, Don-Tron?”

The younger turtle groaned, “Jeez, even you call me that?” He lifted his arm monitor to his face and slammed his fingers against it. “Well, I was thinking we could-”

Raph interrupted, “Smash it?”

“Um. No. That’s barbaric.” The genius rubbed his temple, “We could-”

Mikey piped up, “OH! What about flushing it!?”

Donnie rolled his eyes, “Still: No. You’d clog the toilet. We could-”

“Burn it!” Raph exclaimed, holding his hands on his hips and sticking out his chest, very proud of his idea.

“NO! Would you please let me finish!,” he snapped at his brothers. After a couple of quiet apologies he continued his thought. “Thank you.” He turned back to his monitor and began clicking at it again. “We could restore his powers through a series of emotional unpacking sessions, or therapeutical practices of sorts. He needs to address whatever is keeping him from feeling removed from the Hamato clan. In other words, Old Leonardo, here, must be blocked from his familial connection to the Hamato Nimpō.”

Mikey gasped in mortification, “Donnie, don’t call him that!” He whispered into his brother’s ear, “It’s rude.”

Donatello crossed his arms in irritation and rolled his eyes, “What else am I supposed to call him? Warrior Leo? Apocalypse Leo? Leonardo, but six feet tall with under eye bags?” He flicked his brother in the nose, eliciting a minuscule yelp from the youngest.

Ignoring the bickering between the younger two, Raphael crouched down beside old Leo. His face lifted in curiosity, “Do y’a think that could work?”

“With all of you guys here?” Leo looked back to the key again. His lips twisted up into a hopeful smile, “Maybe... It’s possible…”

~*~*~*~*~

Finally! A chapter with substantially LESS trauma! I’ve had lots of spare time on my hands the first week I’ve been writing this. However, my college classes start up again today, so I’ll be posting less often (hopefully like once every three days? The chapters are pretty short.) I feel like I’ve gotten it off to a good start, and I have a whole arc planned out for each of the storylines so it hopefully doesn't drag. I hope you all continue to enjoy! Please feel free to comment on the story and thank you for reading!

[hannshines]

FlintWood as a Medical Specialties

I've always wanted a FlintWood Au fic of doctors, at least a one shot, but I'm having a hard time trying to imagine Marcus studying such a complicated and time consuming career 100%, because he would be the typical one who wants to leave since the first semester and just doesn't do it for his family and until his fifth semester he realized that he could not do it anymore.

So i prefer doing this.

Of course, it wouldn't be all specialists, most of them would be residents, Katie, Adrian would be interns and Daphne would be the medical student going to internship

But since we are only talking about specialties for the moment.

Marcus Flint

Trauma would be a good choice, those are not afraid of God and when they operate it looks like they are killing someone.

Besides I'm not a fan of grays anatomy but I have in my head the trauma certification that April Kepner did and I'm sure Marcus will do the same shit just to make the other residents cry.

Always decides to be in the ER rotating to see Oliver.

Oliver Wood

Emergency medicine. I need something where Oliver is entertaining and moving around and the ER is never quiet, I like ER for the same reason, you can go from having one patient with a simple food poison to having three bastards in the shock room because they were killing each other.

I can't imagine Oliver in a specialty clinic just consulting, he'd be the deranged guy who would think it was a quiet day after treating a giant car accident.

Adrian Pucey

Pediatrics i am sure Adrian would be perfect for the pediatrics area, the sensation among moms, he wore different cartoon lanyards identification every week.

He would get along very well with the children, and he would take his console to play with the kids in the hospital.

He always loses and not on purpose.

Percy Weasley

Pathology, I don't have a very substantiated reason I just hate Pathology and only Percy could study a subject I hate.

But if it is not pathology, internist

I'm not so much of the idea that Percy would go into a specialty like neurosurgery or something like that, I do feel like he would be looking for something big and possibly if he was in intern medicine he would do a double specialty like infectious disease along with nephrology or hematology.

He's a real prick.

Daphne Greengrass

Oncologist. It's not an easy specialty and to begin with it is a sub specialty, you need to be good and agile to make accurate decisions but above all you need to have the heart.

I don't have the idea of Daphne as a complete stuck up child, she is calm and I am sure that if she couldn't do more to her patient she would be with them all the fucking time.

Odd as it sounds she gets along well with Percy because he is her seconded.

Katie Bell:

Neonatology. If anyone asked her why she chose that specialty she would say that her patients are very polite because they don't talk, she would certainly make a lot of jokes at family parties saying that her children are waiting for her.

She gets along very well with Adrian because he gets to have the patients she had and surely they would send each other pictures of any accessory they buy with the image of a cartoon to buy the same one.

Graham Montague

Resident in General Surgery, surgeons are pretty stuck up, but let's believe Montague would be the cool surgeon who buys you coffee in the morning.

He never looks worried and always goes to bother Marcus and play his respective round of video games with Adrian when he is sent to pediatrics to see a patient (if there is no pediatric surgeon in the hospital, the general surgeon does the operations).

Alicia Spinnett

Sports medicine. She takes advantage of it and some of her patients have given her tickets to several games of different sports, Oliver forces her to take him if they give her an extra ticket.

She gets along well with Marcus and has given him tickets so that he and Oliver can go alone.

I like sports medicine and I just put her there because I have a teacher who has that specialty and I'm sure Alicia would be like that teaching.

Terence Higgs

Psychiatry, he is interested in people from another field and from my point of view, one of the most important, although he might have a hard time when he starts seeing so many people with problems. It is very exhausting at times

He likes to joke and tell Marcus that he has narcissistic tendencies, he forces Adrian to go to a psychologist after one of his patients died.

Angelina Johnson

She would be a nurse for sure.

Head nurse when she was older, she hates it when a doctor thinks she's better than her and when they say the nurse's job is simple she would tell him to his face to do if he believes he's so smart.

If she doesn't like you, believe me, the on-call will not be easy, because she will be one of those who tell you that they will let you sleep on call but in reality they will wake you up after 10 minutes.

George and Fred Weasley.

I would surely study something that went hand in hand.

Fred would be in obstetrics and gynecology and George in pediatric surgery, they would keep talking about opening a hospital and they would hire all of the above mentioned except Marcus.

George would surely go through pediatrics and tell the kids "I brought you the world".

Fred would agree with Katie and Adrian to go together for a celebration like Christmas.

[linguenuvolose]

I don’t think many of you were here during ✨the idiot✨ but for those who were (hi ❤️) I want to let you know that I’ve had an incredible breakthrough with my feelings regarding all that this week. I’m now at a point where I feel so to the bone sure that what he did to me is inexcusable that I can now wish him well. I hope he’s doing well, that it’s true that no one has suffered from him like I had to do, that he has gone to therapy, that he’s not in that awful state he must’ve been in when we knew each other. I truly do hope that. What he did to me is in the past, it will never start over, I will never experience that from him ever again, he will never have that type of power and control over me again. I am not afraid of him anymore. If anyone should be afraid it’s him because god knows I have a lot of shouting to catch up on if I ever where to see him again. He’s not the central point in my life around which every negative emotion rotates anymore. I don’t have to explain everything he did to properly explain myself anymore. I don’t think about him every week or every month. Anniversaries aren’t as hard. I’m not “over it”, you don’t “get over” trauma, but I feel free, I feel liberated and it feels so fucking good. I have found peace in the fact that I’ll never get a proper excuse from him, because there is no reason or excuse that he could come up with that would justify what he did and that would make me forgive him. This means I’m not bound to him anymore, because there’s nothing he can do to give me closure. I’ve given myself the closure I need. I honestly never thought I would get here, it felt like it would always hurt as much as it did in the beginning, it felt like this would always be an open wound, it has been for such a long time. But the bleeding has stopped. What he did to me is unforgivable and I’m at peace with that.

[melleonis]

rewatched patlabor: the movie (the good one) and boy that sure is a mamoru oshii film! a criticism i often have of some of the giants of cyberpunk (and i am here thinking specifically of oshii and gibson) is that their characters are really quite uninteresting, being at most a flash of cool attached to a stock motivation in which the story is uninterested, and the majority of them don’t even get the flash.

but then like. sci-fi is - or used to be - a genre that can do without characters, isn’t it? dune or foundation or 2001: A Space Odyssey. the driving forces here aren’t individuals but organizations and nations and planets and ideologies. and they’re still worth something (even foundation presumably) because my G-d they can be fecund with new ideas and ways of thinking about the world, like. does anyone really have Duncan Idaho as a blorbo? but anyone who’s read Dune has the idea of the Bene Gesserit, of millennia-long culture-seeding mission projects, of power accrued purely through influence and vision, and that is not an idea easily come by.

so is this, then, a difference in how we consume media in general now? the - i’m so sorry - the blorbofication of media? where we expect character psychology and interiority to matter in everything we read and watch? could someone make Columbo today without giving into the temptation to explain him? give him a backstory and relationships? (judging from modern adaptations of Sherlock Holmes, likely not!) all of our cartoon characters have trauma now - is this better? i’m genuinely asking here. i don’t know.

we need our characters cognitively sticky. we need to have something to sink our teeth into. we need to be able to go feral about them. and that’s not new, right, like, people engaged with the King Arthur myths this way, yeah? homer is character-heavy in his own ancient way, the bible even frequently has these fascinating character moments, but it does seem like we require it almost universally of our media these days, and we’ll manufacture character depth ourselves if, say, Marvel doesn’t give it to us (which they won’t. i don’t want to get into a tangent on the Winter Soldier fandom here but what a fascinating phenomenon that is, hi waffle).

the above is a half-baked par-thesis i would expect to crumble in one direction or another under reasonably-expert examination, but i am unfortunately addicted to escalating to sweeping pronouncements by the time i hit the third paragraph in a post that was initially just “oh hey the patlabor movie is still good.” sorry, i’m gifted at bullshit and would have made for a meteoric hack academic if i’d stayed in school. what i do actually want to say and stand behind is this: there are still characters in dune. there are still characters in patlabor or ghost in the shell. they aren’t the people. oshii spends so much slow time looking at the construction and refuse of industrialized cities. the detritus neighborhoods, the places left behind or consumed in the need for constant ever-expanding growth. the overreach of man, and what it costs him. i’m rotating that in my head.

[sunlightsshadow]

Heal What Has Been Hurt Liveblog

hello and welcome to the first of 5 initial (but probably not Only) posts recounting my liveblogging of Heal What Has Been Hurt by @sunlitmcgee

ch1: and the universe said "I Love You"

c! tech did one (1) good thing and it was burning the egg

gogy mention/pos

its only ch1 and they've already gone DadMode. hasnt even even , talked to the boy yet/lh

XD :D

ch2:Flower Gleam and Glow

"weirdo mother hen guardian angel nanny thing." hehehe

moths moths moths moths moths

Clara :D

ch3: I've Been Ghosting Your Dreams

i wonder how tommy feels about warm rain

my browser crashed god dad is too powerful/j

ghostbur :DDD

oh i have so many feelings about ghobur

ch4:Come, My Child

not lots of thoughts just enjoying the domesticity of the bois

did enjoy the star freckles tho

ch5:Like A Busy Bee Taking Flight

"large purple man" thanos/neg

compass compass compass compass (im wearing my Your Tommy compass my bf bought me <3)

heheh dad said pogchamp

ch6:Flying Like a Bee, Black and Yellow Energy

hehe derivikat lyrics

xd dad god. why is that form even still in your rotation/lh

ranboo/pos. i love all Ranboos

hehehe time to sin!

c! techno/neg

xd having several children who are gods and can take care of themselves and having to focus your attention on the whole of creation is different than abandoning your litteral tiny children to go adventuring w a gladiator who hears voices

xd you could have shifted forms dont yell at them/lh

ch7:Cold. Why You Gotta Treat Me So Cold?

weird schlatt tubbo/neg nightmare tubbo/neg

GOD I hate exile

I am so emotional over them GODS

I need someone to be proud of me like xd is proud of tommy

I want a god dad. the yearning is strong

ch8: sweet like honey

any time someone writes tommy saying the phrase "ill be good" istg i feel my heart break

back sore, clue #1

micha 🥺

ch9: I Think You're All Insane

_beloved family/pos

PUFFY!!

every time i manage to forget the captain is dreams mom someone reminds me :/(/hj/nm/lh)

no more memory broke :D

am i using that emoji to much? i do not care<3

god enderman lore/pos

ch10: Deep In The Meadow

i also feel Okay. this is a good place to be

there is something so personal about tommy wanting to end the cycle of abuse and worrying he'll end up like the people who hurt him

good people have intrusive thoughts tommy:(

ch11:Here it's Safe, and Here it's Warm

hehehehe Wings also toms XD would never leave you :(

"you'll instinctively know" its not instincts if it hurts Philza

god i fucking love the personification of instincts. so much. its such a cool thing

ch12:Why, Tell Me, Father?

tommy has a perfect comfy bed and doesnt wanna move. mood

tommy is starting to heal and i love that for him/gen

how DID xd figure that out?

ive just decided just now while rereading that xd was too nice to phil

"you're still here" im gonna SOB

heal! emerald duo/neg

I wanna hug tommy :(

ch13:It's a Promise for Life Between Father and Child

what if i just [takes a white out pen to tommys trauma] look now hes just a lil guy! (someone do this to me)

[beats the doomsday bitches over the head with a stick] i will actually never be normal abt c!tommy

mmmm i should play omori

tinyboo. itty bitty

i dont wana read the interaction w technoooo [reads it anyways] its important

Ghobur! he back!

i think more people should let ghostbur get angry

ch14:How Would You Know?

idk how phil cant sense the Pissed Off aura xd must be giving off rn

in which xd is my spirit animal

:D(malicious)-XD

i like his hat :(

somebody please do this w my dad

ch15: Remember to be Patient

i am obsessed w instinct stuff. lil baby birb go peep peep

i was so lost in the euphoria of birb i forgot to have thoughts

ch16:Fold Up Your Wings, Close Your Eyes

WING TIME WING TIME WING TIME

"it's beautiful… except of course for the unholy screams"

xd " claws" and " adorable" are not generally words that go together

he is SAD the baby is SAD :(

what would xd do if tommy turned into an actual baby?

"its me?" AWWWW🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

hes a baby

i will kill any god for him

baby boy

precious

oh boo even *mentions* agere how did I miss that the first time? tommy is simply baby

ch17: See the Sunset

cant see glass<3

i want a cool space blanket (I have a non-binary flag space blanket tho :3)

I also like when things make click clack noises… am i birb?

I love hiiiiimmmmm

ch18:Nothing Could Tear Us Apart

they can both be clingy it's okay

i almost forgot to open my document when I started reading again

[wilbur voice] quackityyyyy

hes not even actually here but I'm lobe himb

hehehe lovey dovey qpps/pos

i adore my qpps and my bf

GOD i am not NORMAL about platonic soulmate clingyduo there is nothing normal abt my mind state towards them!

"You were worth more than L'manburg ever was…" grrrrrr growl hiss its so GOOD

more baby birb🥺

ch19:Come out and Play

is he a demigod now?

bird time again!

i love instinct shit have i mentioned that?/hj

baby baby boy/pos

i was reading this the first time and I was just like. hes so small

i fuckin love my comfort chara using my coping mechanisms

And with that it's back to reading<3