#i am very tired. not very social rn. however.

[furuyalover]

taking care of him at a party

— ft. atsumu miya

AN: just a lil sum while i work my music event drabbles 🤍 also this was soo fun to write so pls request any other characters i should do this for !

your roommate was throwing a party in your shared house, and it was fun at first. however your social battery was running kind of low, and you felt like taking a break anyways. “hey im a little beat, but if you need anything i’ll be in my room” you tell your friend and then you make your way to your room.

you lie down on your bed, and decide to maybe take a small nap to help you feel better. but not even 15 minutes into your nap you hear a soft knock on your door. “come in” you groan, as you readjust yourself so that you can sit up and see whoever’s at your door, expecting your roommate needing assistance with something for the party. but to your surprise, your greeting by three familiar faces, one being a very drunk atsumu miya.

being practically held him by his twin brother and good friend suna, the former embarrassingly says “y/n im so sorry for barging in, but is it ok if we let atsumu take a break here? every other room was occupied and your roommate told us to try here” atsumu was smashed, you could tell that he was shitfaced and it was more like osamu & suna who needed the break.

“what? ok sure yeah whatever. just lay him down over there i guess.” too tired to really even refute their request, you instruct the two to carry their drunken friend on the side of your bed opposite of you. this is where you decide it’s probably time for you to turn in for the night.

you leave atsumu to rest on your bed, and head into your bathroom to change, shower, and what not to get ready for bed. by the time you’re done you chuckle to yourself when you see atsumu is still knocked out on your bed. admittedly, you found it kind of cute to see him like this. peacefully asleep, in his natural state, a change of pace from his usual loud and brash personality, it didn’t help that he was in your bed as well. after placing a glass of water and some tylenol and advil on the nightstand next to him, you sit on your side of your bed and start mindlessly scrolling on your phone.

you text your roommate, updating them on the wild situation you found yourself in. “y/n are u fr rn? this is like the perfect chance for u to confess to him hello??” a smile forms on your face after reading that text, “bro what hell no. that’s so awkward 😭” “ur trippin, worst case scenario u can tell him u we’re js drunk” rolling your eyes at that suggestion, you exit your texts and go back to your scrolling.

a few minutes go by and you feel atsumu shifting in your bed, followed by a slight groan. “oh god where am i” he groans as he rolls over, rubbing his eyes, to face this mysterious figure sat beside him.

“well you’re not downstairs getting shitfaced that’s for sure” you snark with a small chuckle, slightly admiring how cute he looks with his messy hair and flushed face. “oh shit! y/n! is this your room? oh my god did we..?” amused by his slight panic you reassured him that nothing happened, “no no don’t worry, you were absolutely plastered so suna and your brother dropped you off here so you could rest. there’s some tylenol next to you, you should really take some”

she’s such an angel wow, he thought to himself as he took the pain relievers you so kindly prepared for him. “god those assholes, sorry you had to deal with that” he quietly, almost embarrassingly apologizes. giggling at his annoyance you assure him it’s fine and that it’s not a big deal. but then the gears start turning in your head a bit, as you start to develop a lil plan to semi-confess to him.

“the party isn’t probably gonna end for another few hours, so if you want you can just crash here if you want. i can just sleep on the couch or something” almost immediately, a grin plasters on atsumus face, and his usually cocky self is back just like that. “i mean that’s rather rude ya know? i wouldn’t want such an angel who had to take care of a drunken asshole to sleep on the couch. you should probably just sleep in your own bed” he grins as he runs his hands through his messy blonde hair, this bitch knows exactly what he’s doing, you think to yourself.

despite a very obvious blush creeping up on your face you respond, “yeah well i’d feel bad if you had to stay on the couch” scoffing, faking offense to your comment “who said anything about me on the couch? plus i heard cuddling is good for hangovers.” OH HOW I HATE HIM. rolling your eyes you playfully act annoyed, but you couldn’t be any happier

“hm well i always wanted to cuddle with that dumbass from the volleyball team who i have a crush on” you retort with a light laugh. now it’s his turn to blush, already flushed from the alcohol he is now redder than before. “when exactly were you planning on tellling this handsome and talented dumbass?” despite the confident demeanor he was definitely screaming on the inside.

“i figured now would be a good time, but who said anything about handsome and talented.” you reply as you side eye him, but he just can’t help but smile right at you. “so we’re definitely cuddling right?” he asks with a heartful, genuine smile. not being able to deny this lover boy’s smile or even him in general, i mean you’ve liked him for months now, you roll your eyes and respond “ok fine i guess whatever, but find some clothes to change into and take a shower” you laugh as you playfully hit him on his shoulder.

“on it.” he gets up heading downstairs to see if any of his friends have extra clothes they can get him, and to of course tell them about his crush on you. “shit finally, it’s about time you told her you liked her, osamu you owe me $10 and some food” “ok fine suna whatever, but you owe me $5 since he did it while he was drunk.” yes these mfs placed bets on you guys confessing to each other.

reblogs appreciated and admired ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა

[blushydrangea]

im here to ask u ur thoughts in the... pj controversy ehhekekfke i wanna say smthn abt but like i feel as if i dont grasp the whole thing yet so i chose to shut up rn

hi love! under the cut so the people who are tired of discussing this topic can avoid it.

it's a long one!

i know everyone here has likely come across the tweets pj made, but as an archiver at heart i feel the need to break everything down. screenshots aren't mine.

on the 18th, pj made a tweet about fellow drag queen and artist chappell roan, questioning the authenticity of her love for drag. most people (me included!) thought she was trolling, which unfortunately didn't happen to be the case. plane appeared to be under the impression that chappell was mean or cold towards drag queens she invited to her shows, something she allegedly heard about in boston and, according to some people on reddit so take this with a grain of salt, was debunked. she followed her tweet with another, ironically saying "i love chappell roan". the first tweet was then deleted.

after several people accused plane jane of trying to gatekeep drag from women & having an unfair opinion deeply rooted in misogyny, pj released a notes app screenshot on the 19th. however, going against the purpose of most notes screenshots, hers wasn't an apology. instead, she chose to call out the hypocrisy of people attacking her because they were calling her a man (it's important to note that pj hasn't directly told us what her ood pronouns are afaik).

she made some more shady tweets after that and argued with stans on social media but i don't feel like including these, so the last update we have was this apology pj made for her fandom.

before i speak my mind on this, i just wanna say that i am willing to discuss this as long as people are polite, any aggressive messages i might receive will be promptly deleted.

to be honest, i didn't like what she said. being a person with a platform and, let's be real, several crazy stan accounts who follow her word like gospel, it was wrong in my opinion to call a growing lesbian artist (one of the very few we have, at that) performative for her love of drag. someone who also engages in the *checks notes* performative art of drag. there isn't much of a "bag" to be secured by pretending you love drag, as it's not that mainstream, and i can't help but wonder if pj would have the same criticism were chappell a gay man instead of a lesbian woman.

misogyny is real and it's present in all of us, we were all raised to see women as less than. pj is white and male-presenting with her makeup off, she isn't incapable of misogyny because she is gay or a drag queen. therefore, it rubbed me in the wrong way to see her voice out the same beliefs i've heard from other gay men before – that women deserve to be questioned whenever they exist in drag spaces. i don't agree with the sentiment that pj meant women shouldn't do drag, as she never said that. though she honestly reminded me of those men who ask me very specific and tricky questions about the tree of gondor or whatever when i tell them i love the lord of the rings. are you a true fan?

her notes app statement was what pissed me off. she was really immature imo, ofc she's only 26 so there's room for growth, but twisting a situation you inserted yourself in to seem like the victim based on... people calling you a cis man? come on. it was a self-centered statement made by someone who seemed to refuse to take any criticism on this subject matter. i was very disappointed she chose the "but you are wrong too!" route instead of apologizing to the people she hurt.

her apology to her fandom was... fine, i guess. it served to show me that she seems to be comfortable living in her bubble.

do i think she's a bad person? no, i don't. but i do think she had a misogynistic take and doubled down on it because she refuses to admit she was wrong. i'm staying away from her for the time being, i'll probably get over it eventually but rn i don't wanna see her face all that much. no judgement whatsoever to people who forgave her and are still posting about her, it's your blog, do what you want <3

[yokakaiju]

doro modern(?) au

SPOILER WARNING + LONG POST BELOW CUT

i am so tired while writing this, so apologies if some of it doesnt make sense bleh.. i will happily answer any and all questions to the best of my ability tho!!

okay so ngl... it's really not that different from canon i think? i really don't know much abt my own damn au atm cause i mostly think of it during work and for some reason i literally NEVER write anything down?? idk why???

ALSO TO PREFACE!!! DESPITE HAVING READ DORO IN FULL ABT 4 TIMES NOW AND AM GOING ON A FULL YEAR OF HYPERFIXATION HERE SOON I HAVENT BRUSHED UP ON THE LAST 60-70 CHAPTERS IN A MINUTE SO SORRY IF I MAKE A STUPID MISTAKE!!!

this shit is all 100% subject to change later btw:

• genuinely just abt everything that took place in doro takes place in the past during this au, but not in the same way or with the same characters. ik some stuff 100% wouldnt make sense because of this, BUT BLEHH ILL FIGURE IT OUT LATERR!!! literally jist like.. remove everything involving aikawa and risu and replace it with violent social unrest or smth idk yet...

• ne way, this takes place 100 years after the kaiman holey fight, but in this au it wasnt our kaiman

• the sorcerer and human world have been permanately sealed off from each other since hole fight

• humans at this point dont necessarily believe sorcerers even exist anymore due to this, but the older generations (the few people who live to be like 80-100+) are still somewhat afraid of them and think that some may still be in hole (they are)

• abt hole and this is gonna need a lot of reworking, but like.. idk. basically some humans worship hole as a modern god, taking everything that happrned as absolute truth and churches sprung up around holey, worshiping large statues made of his bones and stuff. the statues do still work as they did in base doro, but they arent as widespread anymore? theyre way more popular with older people and thr newly religous folk, but most people see them as some sort of novelty at this point and they arent widely owned outside of churches and hospitals anymore

• the refuse lake also is back kinda? but its mostly a normal lake now, but the water is still extremely tar like in some parts so its still gated off

• in the socerer world, all information regarding humans and the hole have been banned from being spoken about or learned by the general public. personal doors are also prohibited to be used/learned to be used and anyone who CAN use them that uses them unsanctioned will face capitol punishment or smth. really only the devils and en family know abt hole and shit (theres more people of course, but these are details idk yet)

• n e way, in modern era nikaido and aikawa (sigh we will get to him last...) work together at the hungry bug still

• nikaidos story is literally almost exactly the same. she is still being pseudo hunted by the en family because they got word of a time traveling socerer like howveer long ago and are trying to hunt her down in secret (they dont know its her directly tho)

• kasukabe/haze is still just chillin tho. he is nearly unchanged, still wrote books on socerers (however they were written more historically for a while, then eventually he met haru and they became research/science based) snd took ai as an appretenice, but his work outside of human medicine is thought of as crackpot conspiricy talk or entirely fictional. him and haru are stil married/divorced, haru is also atill a devil and he still has a skin door to the sorcerer world

• ive had some ideas abt shin, mostly that his mom was killed alongside his dad after someone tipped off the  militia that there was somehow still sorcerers in the hole. they investigated their home for a bit and caught her using a door, so they raided the home and slaughted his family in front of him. from there shins story doesnt change much at all rn tbh

• the en family is still highly regarded and very opressive in the socerer world. they dont destroy schools anymore because duh no black powder, but they (with some devil influenece as well) heavily regulate what is taught. resistence against the en family, namely trying to learn about doors and hole, are cruely punished to show they arent fucking around, despite them still having acess to the hole and knowing (somewhat) the true events of what lead to them being separated

• i havent put much thought into the fate of the cross eyes in this au yet, but ive had some ideas? they arent the cross eyes (yet) but, they (our commanders + natsuki and risu) were low ranking memebers who are part of a resistance against the en family that attempts to fight their opression/censorship of history and some higher ups (not the commanders rn) are even trying to figure out how to make a door to the hole or smth

• this is abt all i have rn (im also super tired writing this ugh), so sigh... aikawa time i suppose... this part is gonna be long and confusing and 99% of everything ive talked abt so far was stemed from this, so heres a barely tldr tldr becase im probably making a seperate post when im not so tired. okay TLDR: ai was always disallusioned with being a human becauee his grandpa told him about sorcerers and magic and shit, so he fully bought into hazes entire catalouge of books taking thrm as gospel. eventually he meets haze and works under him, getting close enough to see some of his studies on sorcerer corpses. due to the corpses having smoke/black powder and were killed with hatred for their fellow sorcerers (they were killed by the en family), it starts to slowly affect ais young brain and the seed of a new hole have been planted blah blah, anyway he starts having horrific nightmares from the pov of hole from over a century ago and starts hearing shit cause hes already really mentally unwell. pretyu much from here it goes thr same as base doro for rn. he begs haze to help him become a sorcerer, he has all his plans snd shit tk make it work with the "fresh corpses" (either murders or bodies provided by haru) haze has access to, but haze refuses. ai just gets worse as time goes on, but him being a little emo freak he never actually vocalizes it, but as per cannon he decided to just force hazes hand. one night haze and ai were illegally hunting for potential relics of hole or the events surrounding that around the older parts of the refuse lake whrn ai ended up throwing himself into the tar. however instead of throwing himself in the refuse lake cause he needs a corpse he was compelled by hallucinations or smth to throw himself in. haze saves him and ends up doing the surgery om him blah blah literally its not that different from here, ai still "dies" and is buried he was also made of the 9(?) corpses so hes till got all his heads ans shit. when he rises this time tho instead of going to the sorcerer world he goes to haze again immediatly and begs him not to tell anyone. from here on haze hides him ot smth since he looks so different now no ones gonna recognize him or whatevs

this aint a fuckin tldr whoops. anyway uh.. ill make a seperate post abt aikawa/kai/EVERYONE ELSE IN THERE later cause i fell asleep twice writing that

please ask questions if you have any!! i will work on this more as time goes on i imagine and ill try to start actually writing ny ideas down now

[emeritus-fuckers]

Hiii, I'd like to request a match up !!

First of all, sorry if it's written weird, English is not my first language and I'm in need of a few days of sleep lmao :') also this is very long because I have no idea how to write concisely to save my life, so, sorry for your eyes? brain? Idk but sorry

1 - I'm AFAB genderqueer, might be a demigirl ? idk gender is confusing. anyways, I use any pronouns because I'm extra like that lmao, and I prefer my sexuality to stay unlabelled for now

2 - Papas !! (they're so silly I love them)

3 - I'm rather small (163cm/5'4") and kinda pudgy. I would not say I'm plus size but I'm definitely thicker than average, especially around my hips and thighs (stretch marks n cellulite gang WYA). I used to be very insecure about it but thankfully I got better at loving myself (still working on it but I'll get there eventually). I'm also getting a tattoo on my upper left arm very soon (inspired by Kafka's Metamorphosis because yes) and hopefully some more piercings (I only have triple lobe for now). my hair's light brown and very short, I buzzed it back in August and I'm growing it out. Yes, I do have a terrible case of bed head. I also trim my eyebrows to be very short, makes it easier to do my makeup. Almost forgot to talk about my eyes, but basically they're blue-ish green and usually overshadowed by the huge dark circles I have. I don't dress according to one particular style, although I enjoy being in full goth fashion, makeup and all. I would probably describe my style by 'satanic grandma' because as much as I love my band shirts and inverted crosses, I also cannot live without my extensive collection of grandpa sweaters and ugly ties.

4 - I'm an introvert - and an awkward anxious ball of nerves at that, but I don't mind stepping up to the task in social situations if the people I'm with are not comfortable ordering food/asking a question. I usually am very cautious of how I act with new people I meet as I am autistic and don't want to 'scare them off' or make them uncomfortable. However, if we vibe, you get to know the still anxious but also very silly me. I especially love coming across other people that are on the spectrum, because we usually have a certain understanding of each other's way of acting and just be silly together. Speaking from experience with my closest friends, at least (not generalizing autistic people !!).

5 - I've been hyperfixating on Ghost for a good while now, but apart from that I'm very much interested in art. Learning about it of course, but also making it (I'm in art prep class rn and it's kicking my ass, send help). Drawing, writing, taking photos, making zines and stuff... hopefully after prep class I can get into a proper art school and study illustration, and maybe look into becoming a graphic novel author. My favorite artists would probably be Dora Maar, Gustave Doré and Gustav Klimt tbh. I also have an interest in geopolitics and history, especially in the Middle Ages' witch hunts and black death, but also in more recent topics such as the satanic panic. Basically all things occult and satanic. I also love internet horror media such as ARGs, like My house.wad or the Hypnagogic Archive. Music taste wise, I listen to everything, but my favorite genres are hard rock and metal. I'd say my all time fav artists are Ghost, Slayer (South of Heaven walked so that Year Zero could run, change my mind), Iron Maiden, SOAD, Twin Temple, Radiohead, alex g and Mitski.

6 - I'm a huge cat person but I also very much love crows and rats and reptiles and overall all the animals that would seem weird to keep as pets. Also I love love LOVE having deep conversations about complicated philosophical topics at night in a calm spot at a party or smth, specifically while drinking off-brand soda. Idk why I included this, I just thought of it and I'm too tired to question how my sleep deprived brain thinks right now.

Sorry again for the huge wall of text, y'all are the best !

Have a good day/night !!

This post is part of the 1000 followers match up event. Entries for the event are now closed.

Your match is...Copia

He's all for helping you love yourself, he'll kiss any part of your body you are insecure about and everyday he tells you how amazing you look. The thing that really makes it work is that he means it, you can see the sincerity in his expression.

He can also be an awkward anxious bundle of nerves. But what is so cute is that both of you try and step up for the other in social situations. You see Papa Emeritus IV come out a lot at those times.

You vibed immediatly with him it was just an instant connection. He just got you, and you him. He treasures that so much.

He will help all he can with your art class prep. Like whatever you need. If you want him to just keep you company he's there, if you need models he'll get his rats to pose with him (it's just adorable). Or if you need to work super hard he'll bring you food and drinks to keep you going.

Sometimes he joins you but drawing isn't his strongest skill so it's a good giggle, he can laugh at his mistakes and he enjoys seeing you smile at them. Other times he'll sit and write songs as you work, he wrote one about you just the other day.

He got so excited when he found out you had an interest in the middle ages, witch hunts and black death. He literally squeaked with joy and you discussed it long into the night, while drinking lots of off-brand soda.

He also finds some really cool books for you to read from the clergy library, occult, satanic panic and so on, it's all there.

~

Written by Nyx

[striveattemptfail]

there's a lot of excellent discussions in the comments of this ep about impactful longterm change vs short-term mutual aid for those in immediate emergency

as someone who does their best to learn about social justice and the impacts of political decisions, i have Many Opinions™️ about this too but i'd just be rehashing a lot of what's already been said. i encourage folks to check out the comments (for once) bc—at least, as it stands rn—people are being pretty decent to each other despite the discourse

(uh no jinx lol. i hope i didn't just ruin the comments section by saying that /o\)

here's a summary of what's been discussed:

both bruce and jason are right

jason is correct that punishing the marginalized at the bottom of the chain is misplaced aggression when in reality they're victims of institutions that benefit those at the top

bruce is right that the way things do change is through longterm impact, and that it takes a lot of time. letting one kid go when he was involved in criminal activity doesn't bring about the change that jason is seeking

furthermore, someone pointed out that bruce actually does go after the very people jason's criticizing in the comics. he does go after corrupt leaders and attempts to make internal change in gotham as both bruce wayne and as batman

HOWEVER, as someone else said, this particular episode is in jason's pov, and that's why he still feels justified for seeing bruce's actions of that night as wrong

some additional comments from me for why that's the case bc i am an overthinking and wordy mf lol:

(watsonian pov) jason knew very well that the boy who robbed him stole the bat-bike bc he needed money for basic necessities, like food

how is that any different from jason trying to jack the batmobile's tires??

of course he'd be upset that batman let the kid be arrested by the cops, when jason himself just ended up at ma gunn's before being taken in by bruce

which is in addition to the fact that he's likely remembering that night with a lot of resentment towards bruce given their current relationship

(doylist pov) while the webtoon does wink to other published issues/comic runs, nico himself said it's a new take on jason todd and his story

there's a chance that the arcs where bruce goes after internal corruption are simply not part of this universe, or if they are, jason was not there to witness it

there's more to Discuss but this post is long enough so i'll just make a new one lol

[new-royston-cursebreakers]

‘

Comic sans intro for my WIP here we go

Image description under the cut:

A series of powerpoint slides, all with a white background, blue, pink, and purple vapor trails, and the comic sans font.

slide one; The Curse of New Royston [line break] A comic sans PPT about my first novel [line break] Fun fact that’s the font that I do my first drafts in

slide two; YAAAAAY THE PLOT

There are as many main characters as letters in that yay (my workshop thought I was crazy)

They all live in a little cursed town in early 2000s Connecticut

The curse is that however much money you have, that’s how big you are, but only in the borders of that town

So like if you’ve got a big net worth and you’re one of the richest people in town you’d be like 30 feet tall and if you’re living paycheck to paycheck you might be like 6 inches tall

Yeah it’s weird but there’s a lot of world building at the beginning and it’ll answer all your questions I promise

But anyway the main characters all kinda wanna break the curse but they fight about it and also Things Get In The Way

Also there’s ghosts

slide three; FAQ

Question

Why are all 7 of your main characters male

How does ____ work in New Royston

What the fuck are you even on

Answer

I transed my gender and am sick of pretending to be Woman and also friendships and queer relationships between boys are nice

If it’s not already answered in the first ~100 pages of the book I’d be surprised

The zeal of life baby!!!!!!!

The next seven slides are character slides; each one begins with their name and has a small picture of the character represented by a Nintendo Mii.

slide four; Gio

Focal character of the odd-numbered chapters

Like 20 feet tallHis full name is Giovanni Violett but he hates it with a passion

Non-lethally drowned when he crossed the curse’s border in the water and Came Back Wrong

Ocean metaphors my beloved

Certified Greek myth nerd

A bit prejudiced but trying his best

Angy boi

Being followed by a mysterious man in a pirate hat who broke his computer once

slide five; Cricket

Focal character of the even-numbered chapters

Like a foot tall

Can chirp like a Cricket

REALLY loves bugs

His parents left town to save up enough money to get him out too so he’s been alone for like a year when the book begins Jewish

13 and 30

Absolute ball of sunshine but will not listen to anything anyone tells him to do

He will drag you kicking and screaming into his house to feed you soup and tuck you into bed

slide six; Fletcher

About 25 feet tall but it changes a lot

Gio’s best friend

Has some serious anxiety problems only matched by some serious memory problems

But we don’t need to get into all that [smile] he covers it up by being loud and obnoxious

Kinda sorta threatened Cricket’s life on the first day of school

May or may not be harboring Secrets

Hopelessly gay

I’m not saying he’s a self insert but I am saying he’s substantially more like me than the others

slide seven; Eneas

Only like seven inches tall

Has a track record of social advocacy (he calls it ‘being annoying until I get what I want’)

Walking spoiler

I literally wanted him to be a focal character but he Knows Too Much

Everybody has something to say about him

Terrifies Fletcher

Terrified of Fletcher

Cares so so much about everyone

Yells at Cricket when he inevitably doesn’t listen to him

slide eight; Caelan

About 17 feet tallHomophobic homosexualWhen he voted for the Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party he didn’t expect that a leopard would eat HIS face!!!Carrying on a secret relationship. ShhhhFruity afThe mayor’s sonInto embroidery and being an absolute dipshitReally doesn’t know how to handle things rn ok

slide nine; Auster

About eight inches tall

Cricket and Eneas’ longtime friendA WITCH

Okay he’s a cunning man but he’s very similar to a witch

Transed his gender

An orphan

Helping his chronically ill sister take care of his younger siblings

Is always so so tired

Has a lot of “secrets” (he’s just too tired to talk about them and doesn’t wanna get into all that rn)

Actually very sweet deep down

slide ten; Cameron

About 30 feet tall (the biggest!!!)

But still an outcast in the rich people placeNo one really knows why

No one knows where he came from

No one knows why he’s so weird

No one knows where his weird ass dialect came from

But he seems to be doing okay…?

Basically another walking spoiler

Gio feels every emotion at once toward him

Everyone else really doesn’t know what to do with him

Was the Great Sage in my first Miitopia playthrough

slide eleven; Other Things That Happen

All of the MCs are queer in some way but they don’t all get mentioned in the book so I didn’t include it in their bios [sad face]

The Forest holds Secrets

Gio gets traumatized

Cricket faces literal microaggressions (and also gets traumatized)

But dw the story’s actually kinda optimistic

Someone wields a chainsaw without proper safety measures

People find out things about their families

You’ll learn some things about bugs [smile]

Find more @new-royston-cursebreakers!

slide twelve; Memes

image one; the Spongebob “aight imma head out” meme has been edited to read “Fletcher as soon as anything happens”.

image two; the Kombucha girl reacts negatively to “Making the angry character fire-themed and the kind character light-themed” and reacts positively to “Making the angry character water-themed and the kind character darkness-themed.”

image three; a screenshot reading “Gio knows he’s going to Hell” in comic sans.

image four; the car exiting a highway meme. The car is labeled “Eneas” and the signs are labeled “Explaining why what they did is dangerous” and “Yelling at them some more” with the car angling toward the latter.

image five; the “I love all my children equally meme” has been editing to read “I love all my characters equally” in the first panel and “I don’t care for Caelan” in the second panel.

image six; a girl overwhelmed with eating pancakes that are being handed to her by a lot of people. The pancakes are labeled: “’Normal’ as we define it is impossible to achieve,” “We will never progress while we still hold onto fear,” “The way we as society treat kids is abhorrent,” “Activism happens in small steps,” “Understanding our past is integral to shaping our future,” “Lawful and good are two different things,” “Wow American Christianity kinda sucks ngl,” “You don’t have to understand others to treat them kindly,” and “Capitalism bad”.

image seven; a screenshot in which spellcheck is suggesting that “Caelan’s” be corrected to “Cain’s”.

image eight; Jason Mamoa sneaking up on Henry Cavill. Henry Cavill is labeled “Me, who thinks I have my story structure figured out” and Jason Momoa is labeled “’what if chiastic structure tho’“.

[angelayag]

3 a.m. Doomscrolling

It was 3 a.m. in the morning, and she was in a dark, cold place with only her phone lighting the room. She was lying comfortably in her bed, snuggling with her body pillow, and feeling the warmth of her soft blanket wrapped around her. Before this, she made a promise to herself that she would fix her sleeping schedule as her online class starts at 7 a.m. and she didn’t want to feel droopy for the entirety of her class, but here we are again repeating the same cycle that she always does, scrolling through social media without noticing or even caring how much time has passed. It seems like the internet has consumed her life, from sunrise to sunset. She couldn’t even eat without some sort of entertainment video to watch; now, it even devours her time of rest.

Despite her being on her phone the entire day, you would think that she would eventually get bored and tired of web surfing, but no, it seems like her scrolling through the internet never stops. She had fallen into the rabbit hole of doomscrolling, and that "she" was me. 

Yeah, I know that I have a serious problem, as is evident from how I relate to the meme that I am looking at right now, which is a clown looking at the mirror and telling themselves that they are "definitely" going to fix their sleeping schedule. I just had to share this post with the caption "literally me rn" because the timing of this meme is just impeccable. Now, on to scrolling through Facebook once again. 

Facebook is a platform with multigenerational users, as people from all walks of life have gathered in this app. We have boomer folks who post inspirational quotes about not judging a book by its cover, along with a sketchy article of a supposed rumor about a celeb. We have younger pals who questionably may have violated Facebook’s terms of service due to the age limit, but here they are posting about their love life struggles at a very young age but also gullible enough to believe that Slender Man actually exists. We sure have wildcard characters that we can encounter on this app. 

As I scroll through Facebook, I see memes, photos of my FB friends, with whom I haven't even shared a word or two in real life, and fake news articles about politicians. I’m not even going to look at the comments, as it will surpass my low expectations about their comprehension. Through these seas of posts, something caught my eye, and that was Donalyn Bartolme’s birthday party with a "kalye" theme.

A rich person cosplaying as poor as a theme for a birthday party is definitely a controversial move and a guarantee of cancellation, at least to some. She claimed that she only did that to commemorate her past struggles before fame. Scrolling through comments, it seems like I share the same sentiment as people outside of Donalyn’s fanbase. Her action was incredibly tone deaf, as the hardships of poor people aren’t just decorations that only stay on certain occasions; they have to live with that struggle every single day. I presume, one of the side effects of being an influencer is losing a grasp of reality. 

This made me lose hope for humanity. Nevermind, I just saw a post about the COVID-19 case numbers going up. I mean, this isn’t necessarily new, as everyday COVID patients keep multiplying, but this made my frustration about the birthday thing insignificant. Weirdly enough, this realization did stop me from scrolling through Facebook. However, determined to make myself feel better, a quick scroll through Tiktok might do the trick. 

Tiktok is a haven for short-form video content. But even if the videos there take seconds to watch, it sure takes hours of your time as it easily spews out personal feeds for you to keep entertained. You can encounter various creators there from every genre or hobby imaginable as it tries to appeal to audiences with certain niches.

As I’m scrolling through Tiktok, I come across videos of comedy skits, fun facts, thirst traps, fan edits of my favorite fictional characters, interesting talents such as puppeteers and magicians, and tarot card reading, which I’m not a believer in yet still find intriguing. It seems like all is well; I am here having a good time until I came across this video of a guy, mad that the upcoming game Grand Theft Auto VI is becoming "woke" by adding a female character as a protagonist of their game.

Imagine boycotting a game just because it didn’t align with your wrapped-up view of society. The comments only ignite the fire even more as they make sexist comments, changing the way they look at the game franchise when the game is literally just about recklessly committing crimes.

But it only got worse from there, as my feed recommended a clip from one of those "alpha" male podcasts and introduced me to Andrew Tate. The clip in question is him talking about how men are allowed to cheat but women aren’t. I went to his profile, perplexed by his comment, only to find video after video of his misogyny, such as saying that the value of women decreases the more men she sleeps with or that women's only purpose is to serve men. His words were regarded as scripture in his fanbase, which is alarming considering that most of his fans are just teenage boys. Even with this, I was still invested in him, even as far as knowing information that wasn’t necessary to know, like how he used to be a professional kickboxer or that he was arrested for human trafficking.

Baffled by the negativity I’ve inflicted upon myself, why not add more fuel to the fire by visiting twitter next. 

Twitter is essentially microblogging, where you're free to post what’s on your mind, opinions you want to share, or just what is currently happening in your life with a 280-character limit. Your text, known as a "tweet," is broadcast across the platform and can be found by the masses, who can add their own comment about the thing you just tweeted in the form of quote tweeting or by simply replying under the post.

Twitter is a platform for free speech. As I scroll through it, various tweets pop up, some of which are from my friends but primarily from online strangers. What do we have here? Funny jokes, rants, social happenings, and of course horrible takes. 

I have yet again found myself spiraling over a post. It started with one user's post on how they have finally gotten better in terms of their mental health. This was quote tweeted by another user, who stated that their post was offensive due to the “poor” timing of the tweet since the war between Russia and Ukraine was happening simultaneously. This created a public discourse whether the initial tweet was distasteful or not.  

Reading the comments on these posts has exposed me to one dubious take after another. Some replies might have been satirical, but since when did having stable mental health make you lose empathy? Stable mental health simply means that you can handle your well-being better, but it doesn't prevent you from showing concern for others. Thankfully, most people share the same sentiment as me. I'm not sure why this argument was brought up in the first place. And why do I still keep engaging with it despite its obviously dumb take?

At this moment, you may begin to notice a pattern of deliberately consuming negative posts and aimlessly migrating from one social media platform to another. It all starts when the mind goes into autopilot mode, making you scroll out of habit, triggered by negativity bias, making you notice a baffling post more than a positive one, diving deeper into the said post, facing the possibility of disregarding or ignoring relevant information that does not back up how you feel, feeling frustrated afterwards, going through another social media app in the hopes of lifting your mood up, thus starting the vicious cycle once again.

This phenomenon, referred to as "doomsurfing," but more commonly known as "doomscrolling," has arisen during the pandemic as more and more people have been experiencing the compulsive urge to endlessly scroll through their social media feeds and heavily focus on the upsetting or generally negative information. This can be caused by FOMO (fear of missing out), negativity bias, uncertainty, and a lack of self-control.

“Doomscrolling occurs when you realize you’ve landed on a story and have no idea how you got there. You can’t remember why you even got on your phone in the first place, but now you’re reading hundreds of comments or retweets of someone you don’t even follow,” is how Tess Brigman, a psychotherapist and coach, describe this phenomenon, which perfectly encapsulates the authentic experience and meaning of doomscrolling.

Due to the discrepancy that doomscrolling brings, it can definitely have its effects, such as apprehension, fear, and distress, which lead to burnout and damage the general mood and well-being of a person. Taking it to the extreme takes a toll on mental health, which triggers anxiety and depression, which in turn affects sleep, appetite, and motivation and disrupts work, time with family and friends, and lastly, passion.

Holding social media companies responsible is a way of calling out action to doomscrolling, one article suggests, as their business model is an algorithm designed to catch the attention of users, thus increasing engagement. This means that the more you click on dumb or concerning posts, the more likely it is that you’ll receive the same kind of content the next time you visit the app. Legal monitoring and regulation of social media businesses may improve platform accountability, boost the transparency of their algorithmic processes, and enable users to reject personalization and profiling.

With all this, the most effective way to cut back on doomscrolling is to improve oneself. You can start by setting a time limit for yourself to monitor and minimize the hours of your screen time. You can do this by setting it up yourself, or for those with a lack of self-control, download apps that do similar functions. Unfollowing accounts that cause stress will help you declutter your feed from negativity. Setting the phone to send fewer notifications might also lessen the constant need to check our phones. If online, actively seek positive stories to balance out the negative ones. Ultimately, the most effective way to stray away from doomscrolling is to have leisure activities outside of social media, such as exercising, hanging out with friends and family, and doing what you're passionate about. Feeling overwhelmed by everything on the internet? Remember to refocus on the present moment.

Speaking of the present moment, my alarm just went off for 6 a.m. in the morning, one hour before my class. I didn’t sleep a wink last night; I have fallen down the rabbit hole of doomscrolling once again. Give it up to the author who can’t apply what she writes! She was blinded by the ray of sunlight as she opened the curtains, but she couldn't be blinded by the phone screen brightness that was on her face the entire time. This is the reality we both share, you and I. We’ve scrolled the internet up to the brink of oblivion; are you going to let it doom us all?

[cachememory]

ohhhh I love my friends so much I love the parlour if you guys see this I love u.... u guys make me smile so so so much I love seeing my friends be friends and it's like a little family.........

[saturno-sol]

How do you all have the energy to post on multiple platforms??

What sort of witchcraft do y’all practice, who do I need to sacrifice to so that I’m able to continually interact and engage with more than one social media platform at a time

[fuck-customers]

🌙 This is gonna be a long thing of me complaining and I hope it makes sense and is on topic. There’s a lot of info too sorry about that

Since there’s very few of us working at my store I am constantly assigned to closing with usually one other person which would be fine except for a few things

1. We close at 8pm (it used to be 7 but fuck us ig, also for reference we open at 11am) however everytime I’m working it seems I’m stuck there till 9 because despite the fact that we are opened a whole HOUR longer now, customers will still fucking come in right before close and stay after close and so we have to make sure to help them and clean up after them which then takes us longer to get everything ready for the morning shift etc etc (and the nights where I’m working with our store manager it seems she wants everything perfect every time so she’ll send me to fix everything while she does the registers and deposits. Which. Yknow whatever but I hate that I have to fix EVERYTHING)

2. I am in college at the same time as working but luckily am only taking 2 classes rn (both 3 hour classes, each meeting twice a week). this means I am not available on Mondays or Wednesdays because one class is in the middle of the day and it takes me approx 30 min to get from college to my house and then another 30 to go from my house to work so the timing just doesn’t allow for shifts worth taking. So instead I’m available on Tuesday and Thursday bcuz that class is in the morning (9:30-12:30am) but then it means I have maybe 1-2 hours for myself at home in between before going to work till again, 8-9 and then I’m scheduled to close from 2:30 to close on fridays AND saturdays. I barely have any fucking free time anymore to spend with my friends (we are very close and like to see each other a lot since we’re lucky to live rly close to each other) because I’m always fucking closing and by the time I leave obv everything else is closed and it’s too late to really do anything

3. Constant closing is making me fucking miserable. I cant do anything about it because there’s just not enough people (despite us recently hiring two more, which tbf doesn’t add much but still) and I complain about it a lot to my coworkers (which Ik makes me sound like a bitch but we’re all fucking miserable here) and Ik they’re getting tired of hearing about it so eventually I’m just gonna have to get over all of it but ik it’s gonna make it worse on me

I cry over this constantly, I know this doesn’t seem like such a horrible scenario but I’m autistic and I NEED my free time or I’ll fucking explode and my social battery doesn’t just drain but ERODES at my retail job to which most people would tell me to just not work retail but what else am I supposed to do??? Work in food??? retail and food are the only two frequently available and easiest to access jobs and they’re both social jobs. I suck at social interactions with strangers. I can fake it all day long but it destroys me at the end of every day and I feel like it causes damage to the few friendships I have because it even takes away my ability to respond to simple texts and I’ll leave them unchecked and unanswered for days or weeks at a time as well as just not have the same energy to hang out with people. I struggle to check in on my friends too because of work (and school to some extent) which meant that I found out one of my friends had been to the psych ward again only AFTER she had already gotten out

I’m just so fucking tired and stressed out and idk how to handle it

[adorethedistance]

9 P.M. - Alive!Luke Patterson x Reader Modern Day!AU

JATP masterlist

Warnings: swearing, mentions of suicide, painful breakup, and angst.

Words: 1991

Summary: Luke breaking up with you made your world stop turning, and when it finally starts moving again after four long months, Luke is back in typical agitator fashion.

A/N: Not requested, and I wrote this in about two hours so bear that in mind. I’ve been toying with an angst idea for a little bit now, and because all of my requests rn are fluff, I decided why not give Luke a little love since it’s been a minute since my last Luke fic. This isn’t proofread so proceed with caution.

“What are you doing here, Luke?” Dana’s voice cuts clear over the mindless chatter in the busy diner. She tucks a stack of menus under her arm to brush a loose strand of sandy blonde hair out of her face.

“I’m here to talk to Y/n. She isn’t returning my calls and she only has her phone on silent when she’s working.”

A solid four months ago, Luke Patterson had broken Y/n Y/l/n’s heart into a couple billion pieces in this very diner. After Luke requested to meet up as soon as possible, Y/n told him she’d be clocking out for the night around 9 PM, and true to his previous request Luke had arrived at 9 on the dot. He considered taking her to his car for more privacy but in fear of forgetting his long, crafted speech, he opted for a secluded booth in the very back corner of her diner.

He still remembers the evening, clear as day. They sat down across from one another on the red vinyl seats with nervous tension exponentially rising between them. He remembers the way she ruffled her loose hair after having it pulled back for an 8-hour shift. He remembers the way she rested her right ankle on her left knee to massage away the calf pain from 8 hours of waiting tables. And he remembers the way her warm smile disappeared after he uttered the words “I think we should break up.”

Y/n was so shocked she couldn’t respond. Everything seemed to be going well between them. They had said their first ‘I love you’s and she had even opened up to the possibility of giving him her virginity. And here he was, a mere week later, claiming that he had fallen out of love with her over the span of a month.

Tears clouded her vision. She was quick to wipe them away before they fell, something Luke noticed that she only did when she was crying out of anger. With her normal sadness or even stress she just lets her emotions run their course. But the anger swelling inside of her at that moment, she so desperately wanted to hide. As a result, she brushed them away. She bit her tongue. She saved face, not wanting to let Luke know just how much he had hurt her.

Luke expected a full-on interrogation. He knew Y/n’s mind was one of insatiable curiosity and she had to have at least a million questions. However, if she did, she didn’t show it. The only question she asked, “Is this really what you want?” Her voice was steady, but Luke knew how badly she wanted to tear him apart, to ravage him right then and there. But after losing such a huge part of herself, Luke, she held onto her dignity so tight it nearly crumbled into dust and blew out of her clenched fingers. Without asking for any more information, she slipped out of the booth and hurried to her car as fast as her walk could take her.

At the time, Luke felt guilty for making her cry. Now he feels guilty for ever having let her believe she wasn’t good enough for him. The only problem is she wouldn’t give him the chance. And her best friend, Dana, didn’t seem like she would give him one either.

“Well, she’s not here. Have you ever considered she’s not returning your calls when she’s off of work, too?”

“Dana, I need to talk to her-”

“What could you possibly have left to say, Luke? Whatever you said to her that night broke her, it absolutely destroyed her. She hasn’t been the same since.” Luke had no trouble believing that was true, which is why it hurt so bad to hear, granted it didn’t hurt as bad as how Y/n felt that night.

“What? No- I-I really need to talk to her.”

“You really don’t.”

“I have to get her back, Dana!” A tornado of shock and anger consumes Dana to the point where all she can do is let out a bitter laugh. The look in Luke’s eyes indicates how hurt he is by her laughter, and Dana’s desire for vengeance has never been so strong. So, she continues to tell the truth. The ferocious, unabridged, hurtful truth,

“You don’t deserve a second chance. You don’t even deserve an attempt at a second chance. Knowing her, Y/n would never tell you this, but I will: you fucked up so bad, you made her almost make the biggest mistake of her life.”

“What?” Luke almost hesitates to ask, knowing he won’t like the answer.

“That night, she came to my place and cried so hard for three hours before she could even get a coherent word out. She stayed with me for three days and, had my shift not ended early that Tuesday, she wouldn’t be alive today.” The dumbstruck look on Luke’s face is only more motivation for Dana to twist the knife, “She almost didn’t survive losing you, Luke. And god forbid she gives you a second chance because she won’t survive losing you again.”

The diner is just crowded enough that no one is paying the two of them any mind as they faceoff by the hostess stand. Dana spent four long months consoling her best friend back to life, and she was not about to let Luke destroy all the hard work Y/n had put into healing.

“I can make this right.”

“How could you possibly make this right?”

“I know more now than I did before. I’ve changed!”

“So has she.” Dana’s biting words render Luke speechless. Once she realizes her work here is done, she continues setting up tables as they’re disinfected.

__________________________

Luke’s conversation with Dana in the diner left him shellshocked, but it also lit a fire under his ass that he needed to move forward. Rather than discouraging him, Dana’s words gave him a greater incentive to win her back: proof that he was willing to do what he said he would. At least, that’s what Luke told himself. Rather than stepping into the future with greater clarity, Luke went into the world with confidence so large and blinding, his actions may sabotage his true intentions.

That’s how he found himself so determined to win Y/n back. And that’s how he found himself face to face with the front door of her home. It’s 9 PM, just early enough to where she’d be home for the day, just early enough to where she wouldn’t be asleep, and hauntingly just the exact time he had broken her heart all those months ago. Before giving his conviction a chance to back out, he was raising a steady hand to ring the doorbell of her residence.

Y/n opened the door without much thought, expecting a food delivery; she was drastically off-put by Luke’s presence at her doorstep this late.

“Oh.” Was the only response manageable for the tired waitress.

“Hi. Can we talk?”

There it was. The phrase that was a paradoxical toss-up regarding her emotional state. Half of her has been waiting for this day for so long, dreaming of the boyfriend she once knew to come genuinely heartbroken and remorseful to win her back. The other half was terrified of this impending day as she realized she wasn’t nearly as emotionally strong enough to handle the situation as she thought. 

‘Oh’ was the only response manageable for the tired waitress.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Please just give me five minutes and if you never want to hear from me for the rest of your life, I’ll never bother you again,” he rushes out, knowing his time is finite. For what short period of time he thought it over, Luke always imagined pouring his heart out on her front doorstep. That’s why her silent sidestep and opening of the door caught him so off guard. He hadn’t anticipated her to actually give him a decent chance. Why would she? He broke up with her in the very diner she works in full time and crushed her heart so completely, the only things left behind had to be contempt and resentment.

Luke crossed the threshold of her small, cramped LA home with his heart on his sleeve. Reluctantly closing the door behind him, Y/n walks to her living room and sits on the couch amidst a mess of popcorn, her favorite chocolates, used tissues, and a bottle of Advil. The night Luke broke up with Y/n was four months ago and she’s still spending her Friday nights alone crying on her couch with a rom-com on the tv. A sharp pang of guilt cuts through Luke’s chest like a machete and his previous confidence completely dissipates into sadness. Though, he can’t tell if it’s actually remorse or just general pity.

“What did you want to talk about?” Y/n asks as if she doesn’t know what conversation they’re about to have. Luke takes a deep breath to prepare himself as best as he can before explaining what’s been on his mind.

“I am so sorry, Y/n.” His hopes for any sort of reaction are crushed once her blank stare doesn’t waver. In spite of everything that’s happened thus far, this is the moment Luke realizes this would be a lot more difficult than he anticipated. “That night, you asked if taking a break from… us was what I really wanted.”

“I remember.”

“I said yes and you left right after that. I know you’ve blocked my socials, but you haven’t blocked my calls, you just don’t answer. I’m sure you’ve got to be interested in why, you’re a very curious person.”

Luke wasn’t wrong there, Y/n had been wondering why. She had been wondering why since the words left his mouth that night, but she repressed that curiosity. She repressed it because she knew that whatever the answer was, it didn’t make any difference. Luke wasn’t hers to have anymore and that was what really mattered.

“I did it because I thought I was falling out of love with you.”

“You thought?”

“I wasn’t actually falling out of love with you.”

“You weren’t?”

“No.”

“Then why’d you break it off?”

“I thought I was falling out of love with you but really my attraction was just changing. Instead of just spontaneous and passionate and exciting, I began to see our relationship as comforting and secure as well as those other things. I thought my comfortability was falling out of love, but really, I was falling in love. I was no longer just super infatuated with you, I was in love with you. Genuine love.”

“Luke…” Y/n trails off. She has no real idea of what it is she’s thinking so she opts to let Luke continue until she can figure it out.

“I love you, Y/n. And I broke things off because, before you, I didn’t understand love. Hell, with you I didn’t understand it was love, but now I do! I love you.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“So, what does this all mean?” Luke draws in a nervous breath, identical to the one he used to soothe his nerves as he stepped into the all-too-familiar house.

“I know I don’t deserve it because of what I put you through… but all I’m asking is for a chance to prove that I really do love you.” The looking shimmering across Y/n’s eyes tells Luke how her thoughts are running wild. She’s experiencing a new train of thought at a mile a minute and it terrifies both of them.

“You hurt me, Luke. And I want to hate you so much for everything that you put me through, but I don’t, and I hate myself for that. But, I’m sorry. I can’t give you a second chance.”

***

Taglist: @caitsymichelle13​ @kaitlyn2907​ @itz-jas​ @crybabyddl​ @kcd15​ @kinda-really-lost​ @calamitykaty​ @morganayennefertyrell @n0wornever​ @dream-a-little-bigger-x​ @mrstodorooki @vicesvsvirturesfanfic @curlybrownhairedboys​ @amazinggracy​ @kaitieskidmore1​ @asdfghjkl-fanfics​ @ghostlygreenbean​ @juliefromaustralia @merceret​ @jemimah-b99​ @ifilwtmfc​ @thesweetestsinner​ @imsydneywalker​ @lovesanimals​ @thebloodthirstyvampress​ @bumbleberry-pie​ @losers-club6​ @tefilovesreading​ @dmcfarland1​@joynerxmercer @kexrtiz​ @talk-on-the-street​ @phantompogues​ @konciousdreamer​ @sunsetcurvej​ @warmnesss0ul​

[suicidalneighborhood]

doing a few of these until i feel sleepy

1. 5'9 and 130-132 lbs / 174cm 60kg (haven't weighed myself in a few days, shld be lower, mayb 59)

2. i'n 174cm (5'8.5) and i love my height. i come from a quite tall country, and either way im striving for the runway model body, which is impossible if i were shorter

3. i try not to keep much thinsp0 on my phone so i don't have my fav rn:/

4. people around me stopping me, getting worried, me getting severe health issues, gaining it back

5. i am 100% doing it for me bc both of my parents started to skinny shame me recently.

6. sometimes, vut very rarely. mainly because i don't actively restrict often, whenever i do seem to lose weight is when my appetite is shitty. i do however have days where i eat like 2000cals, but not in one sitting. that's probably bc im just depriving my body literally always lmao

7. they don't know, i keep acting like the "i didn't notice i lost weight, must be bc of anxiety" bitch, and i will keep it up, if they knew they wld definitely stop me.

8. don't have one. i walk a lot( >10k steps most days) , sometimes cycling or rollerblading.

9. i only have two instances where it was in a positive way😃 my parents started saying im getting chubby in like 2018, now i lost like 14kgs (around 30lbs i think?) and my mom keeps skinny shaming me.

10. right before my ed started i was extremely obsessed w junk food. mainly chocolate and chips and pizza. but the thing is i was literally 12 years old and doing sports 3-4 times a week, so i could afford it calorie wise. i dont know, i think a part of me misses eating two bags of chips for lunch and not thinking twice about it, bc chips are one of my fear foods now. oh and also nkt caring about bodies in general. now i constantly compare myself and feel good if im thinner. i miss looking at bodies through the child's eyes.

11. don't have one

12. it varies, but lately im obsessed with eggs?? (partly because we're fucking broke rn and had no good food🤣), but i eat yogurts, i love fruit, cucumbers, orange juice, croissants, and sometimes my mom's cooking.

13. i dont think i can lose weight in a healthy way at my bmi lol

14. i used to sometimes say 58kg,but now that im one foot in the 50s and i don't have my goal body, I'd say 55 or 56kg but definitely can change

15. im a pescetarian who doesn't like fish. i eat tuna sometimes or other fish if it's a socially pressured setting, but i just consider myself a vegetarian.

16. ik the exact day. november 30th, 2018. i was 13 and in a bad place mentally. it just got worse from there.

17. i dont know?????? i definitely have disordered eating, but i dont think it's an actual disorder. if it was, it would be like ednos or some shite, bc my bmi isn't below 15😻

18. cheesy things. sometimes sweet things.

19.i guess last week? i got fries from hesburger.

20. don't think it's considered a diet but intermittent fasting. i know it's not a weight loss secret, but as someone with anxiety and low appetite, it's so much easier to eat 2 meals instead of the 3 meal 3 snack blasphemy.

21. for tops it's usually small, and pants 38eu, 6 in american sizing. thing is i fit in 36, but the clothes from my favorite stores tend to be tight, like i can get it on but breathing is difficult.

22. unless you count it from when i was still a child, it's now, 59/60kg.

finishing some other time bc im tired

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

This is very long and broken up into five parts, my apologies for the lengthy read.

Pt. 1: My brother is extremely disabled, and has a compromised immune system, he’s actually in the PICU rn with a collapsed lung. The lead PICU doctor knows my parents very well, as she has saved my brother’s life before. Before being life-flighted to this particular hospital my parents have been against getting the vaccine-mostly. Due to the increased number of cases (my dad is an emergency responder so he knows when there are confirmed cases that go over the radio), they’ve been becoming more afraid again, especially since my brother got sick.

Pt. 2: However, before my dad left to be at the hospital with my mom and brother, he informs me that this doctor told my mom that they need to get the vaccine, or my brother will die. And it has to be the Pfizer one. So, my dad and I start talking about some of the things we have read. Now, tbh, I have not been online for quite a while so I’m not entirely sure what has been proven and disproven. Such, as some people dying due to the vaccines, the disabilities, the corruption of the companies -mostly how the CEO hasn’t gotten it and the co-CEO or whatever being let go or something, as well as the rumors of people being sterile. Now as I said it’s been awhile so I’m unsure how much of that is still true. My dad said he would ask her (the doc) about all of this, well not the disabilities, I forgot about that and he too.

Pt. 3: He leaves and everything is good. He got back last night -he can only spend weekends because he just started a new job and we can’t afford to not have him be at work and this hospital is 6 hours away- and said how he talked with the doctor. She told him the same thing, “get the vaccine or he’ll die, he won’t survive this.” And when presented with all of the questions she said it was “bullshit.” Now, I’m not sure if she really said that or if my dad was just tired and trying to shorten it. She said it’s all politics, which is true. How when Trump was the main endorsement then people were adamant that they weren’t going to get it, but now that it’s Biden and Harris and people don’t trust them. And how it’s all based off of SARS, that’s where the research came from and because “everyone came together, they didn’t try to hide the formulas from one another” it can be trusted or whatever. She said the guy who came out with the sterilization thing is a “moron” and that he CEO does actually have it. But mostly it was all “bullshit.”

Pt. 4: And, so because they trust this woman and because she’s survived cancer and she got it. They were convinced that they need to get it. I said “no, I’m not getting it.” And my dad told me that either I get it or I won’t be allowed near my brother anymore. Because of that we had a fight. I have two other siblings an older sister who is also against getting the vaccine and she has thyroid issues, and another younger brother -he’s not a kid though- but he has something called Marfan’s and if you don’t know what it is- it’s a connective tissue disorder and it affects his heart, a lot. He’s moved away though and it doesn’t seem like he’s gonna come back at any time, but I’m afraid of what will happen if they convince him to get the vaccine. I don’t think my parents are stupid enough to get my youngest brother vaccinated, but now I’m not very sure of anything. All of the side effects and rumors I don’t know what’s real and fake anymore and so incredibly confused and conflicted.

Pt. 5: Before this whole ordeal, we didn’t even wear masks or social distance, any of that crap. None of has gotten covid yet. But that one lady managed to manipulate them because of her status and what she’s done for him before. My parents aren’t old or at risk, they’re in their early forties and healthy but because everyone is affected differently they’re scared and it’s my brother they’re worried about. They haven’t made mention of this to the other two siblings, but I called my sister last night in tears and she said she didn’t know what to think. We haven’t told our other brother yet. I talked to my mom this morning and she never said anything. My dad last night apologized and said he “didn’t mean to make me upset” (which I don’t what he thought he was doing when giving me an ultimatum like that), and sounded near tears too. But haven’t talked to him since. I’m sorry that this is so long and if some of it doesn’t make since. Like I said I’m just conflicted and confused. It was one hell of a 21st birthday present though :/

Anon, I am so beyond sorry that you're going through all of this. I wish I had an easy answer for you, but there's so much going on here that I really can't offer any advice beyond do what you think is right. It sounds a lot like your parents are very scared and like a lot of people they're putting their trust in an authority they trust because of that fear. I can't say if they're right or wrong about getting the vaccine, but I do know they're wrong for threatening to ban you from seeing your brother if you don't get vaxxed. Vaxxed people carry and transmit the virus just as easily as unvaxxed. The vaccine isn't even a vaccine, it just lessens your chances of experiencing symptoms. So your brother is the only one who "needs" to be vaxxed in order to protect him from having covid symptoms. At least, that's what I understand from what I've read. But like I said, that's not meant as advice. I really don't know what you should do. If I was in your position, though, as someone who got the (moderna) shot because my husband asked me to and because my parents are in the highest risk group and have had health problems the past few years, I would probably get the shot in this specific case. I would not get any boosters or yearly shots afterward, though. But that's just me. You need to figure out what's right for you, and I don't envy what you're going through. Even if you're not going to get it, though, I would highly recommend not ghosting the rest of your family. If they aren't cutting you out completely, don't be the one who makes this argument turn into an irreparable rift. I guess that would be my only advice. I hope things work out for you and your family, anon.

[katewaliss]

! write with me or fight with me!

you either die by my sword or the most painful head canons imaginable! *merida vc* choose yer fate

just kidding!

 hey there gaymers, i am crissy! i am 22, live in pst, go by she/her pronouns and honestly would very much like a distraction from life -- preferably in the form of 1x1 and rp in general. i am currently doing online school plus trying/failing at adulting, being a crazy pink haired college student living on microwave dimsum with my crazy fluffy demon cat, but that still leaves me with a lot of time and what better way to spend that time then crying and dying, am i right, boys? 

so without further ado ( adieu? idk gusundheit ) here are a list of discomboblulated plot things that have been floating around in my head that i might be fun to do ( plot fragments, ideas, ocs, fcs i like, settings, genres etc )! i’d prefer a message if u liked any of these in the inbox or dm form, my tumblr ims are open and my discord user is mr. worldwide#2918 ( pitbull supremacy ) but if ur shy i will message u and be annoying! 

lastly: i prefer hcing in the dms to replies, however i will do replies/ask memes slowly, i don’t really like making blogs and prefer google docs/discord and i ask ( gently and respectfully ) that minors do not interact.

thank u and happy hunger games! xx

COLLEGE TOTALLY SPIES -- i was really obsessed with this picture right here and i thought that the picture would be a good premise for a little four person group based on totally spies. i was thinking that these three college students/young adults some friends maybe not some enemies or just on completely different ends of the social agenda get bonded together when they accidentally end up roped in a top secret spy organization that is fronted by a record store. the details and flesh of the plot i think would be cute to figure out all together maybe in a google doc or a big discord so we can make the rp to perfect world building specifications. right now i have two spots open! 

my friend lexi over at comradc has taken the cool goth asian girl and is using lyrica okano

i am playing the freckly backwards hat lesbian in the red polo named aj mccallis and i think im using diana silvers ( not sure might switch to tati rodriguez )

we also have the cute blond girl w the dyed hair who is giving me kind of like sydney sweeney energies, blonde girl maybe like lalisa manoban/jinsoul,

and we have the rad black girl with the bandids who i would only accept black fcs for for such as diamond white, ryan destiny, salem mitchell, 

i’d prefer if this stayed kind of sapphic and female and enby friendly. we can def make make npcs and characters but i’d prefer if the characters looked like they do in the picture ( minus the white girls who can be racebent as long as there are vibes ) mostly bc i want the poc people to stay the correct poc! but yeah! if u like this message me specifically!!!!! seperately and hit me w a role ud like maybe an fc an idea anything < 3 im working on a google doc and discord sever

- i really want to play a himbo skater boy evan mock like its my dream i know nothing abt him other than he probably goes by something like mouth or juice or tris or dex or dante but !!!! he has buzzed hair he buzzes designs into, does stick n pokes, hates cops, will kiss anyone, likes to mosh at house shows, smokes a lot and sounds like crush from finding nemo, probably ur parents worst nightmare if im honest rodrick heffley energy -- adopt him for any plot

- i also really am obsessed with simay barlas who is my mascot rn -- i want to play her in some sort of dark academia setting with like gossip girl blair waldorf energies lu from elite and have her be really mean and cold and pretentious and play the cello and probably have secrets and be uptight idk the name mallory is resonating hard w me ( we could even do a gossip girl the secret history type group if people liked that ) 

-ok i also really really want to play streak aka silas montgomery who is like very like sidekick best friend to the golden boy main character, does a kick ass goat impression, class clown, relentlessly hits on like the most difficult person in school, does crazy things for laughs and attention, just wants to make people happy, only wears hawaiian shirts, finger guns, is going nowhere in life, his dad is probably the dean at whatever prestigious school also he is very very depressed and drinks often! love u! a I Feel Like Im The Worst So I Always Act Like Im The Best electra heart baby PINTEREST

also yes his hair is pink reg verse he did it on a dare but hp verse he did a potion wrong and it never came out

SOMEONE DO A LADY HANNIBAL WILL GRAHAM RP KILLING EVE RP W ME! i made this will graham adjacent gal for a genderbent hannigram rp her name is bisexual disaster enida johnson and sometimes goes by needy or will bc her middle name is willamena! has basically all the will things wears flannels is a mess but has a bunch of cats instead of dogs in her woods log cabin and im using crystal reed bc it fits perfect in my head idk if u like her hmu hit me w a lady hannibal PINTEREST

other stuff

ok i really want to do a princess and knight plot but with knight zendaya and princess anya taylor joy ???? ALKHALKSHALK LITERALLY HELLO literally modern or like dnd style i do not care but know i love dnd! we could make it like them goin on some skyrim quests like hi

speaking of dnd and skyrim if anyone wants to do like anything based in dnd stuff or skyrim stuff i am DOWN

jennifers body plot!!!! maybe set in college!!!!! sounds spicy i will do a f/f or m/m version leggo leggo 

UNTIL DAWN UNTIL DAWN!!!! i wanted to do a little like 6 person or mumu until dawn thing where everyone either makes new characters or characters based on the existing six! i made a girl adjacent josh character named riley PINTEREST who i love very much ( fc might change im thinking maybe medallion rahimi ) pls hmu if ur down

i looooooove breakfast at tiffanys!!!! like i really love breakfast at tiffanys we love a call girl broody author ship and i want to play a mishti rahman holly golightly type character so so bad 

pygmalion plot!!! basically like an author and the main character of their book comes to life and the book character is probably from a different period of time or realm so doesnt know how to do modern 2020 stuff like microwaves and the tv! and then maybe they get sucked into the characters book world thats written by the author and have to navigate that! enchanted! w the kdrama! energy!

GOSSIP GIRL PLOT ENERGIES

any sort of the secret history murder society until dawn ahs horror type setting i am on a kick rn 

i still really want a deaf sailor and siren plot bc that is so spicy or even like anything involving sirens like maybe one thats like vegetarian and doesnt like to eat humans so it ariel rescues one and keeps it safe!! or like only men are susceptible to the sirens song but aha! i am a woman! Romance!

anything in the realm of percy jackson i love mythology lets go i kind of want a echo narcisuss plot and i want it to hurt me so bad 

i will do harry potter stuff but only if its completely removed from the current canon like years in the future no existing families also maybe beauxbatons salem and drumstrang plots bc thats what matters

iiiiiiiii really like anime so i will do anything kakegurui, soul eater, ohshc

i kind of like grew up on the hunger games so i will gladly take any hunger games plots like young effie and haymitch is spicy or like a career tribute and one of the weaker poorer distracts enemies to lovers leggo

i have a kind of oc that had their parents die in a factory gas leak that was the governments fault and it turned them into a vigilante assasin that is slowly picking off bootlicker government people one by one pretending to be one of them until bam! gets attached to the rich asshole son or daughter of the head hauncho or one of the higher ups ... drama

rich little celebrity fussy wussy being held captive by the mafia and the tired stoic mafia guard but they fall in love 

i kind of like any plot that involves one person that is really loud or angry or dramatic or whiny and the other one is kind of sweet and gentle or does not talk much idk make brain happy 

speaking of!

no nonsense law student studying abroad in a european country and an artist there falls in love w them and is all romantic and gush and is like ur my muse!!! and they are like Go awAy and they explore the city together and themelseves its nice!

i want to be an avan jogia super villain idk why i need to but i do 

not to be a disney adult bc i am not but anastasia princesses dont kiss kitchen boys 

rival cheer captians? best friends brother? pop princess celebrity singer and like antiestablishment really angry rockstar in a publicity relationship? broody detective and sunshiney diner person that works at the diner they eat at everyday?

idk i will think of more hmu these can all be made f/f or m/m if they arent 

[survivorsuggest]

hi! something has been really bothering me lately. i thought venting to a friend would help but i’m still angry & i don’t know how to cope with this or who else to go to about this that would understand. this will be really long. sorry.

since the pandemic i’ve been seeing so many posts on social media where people are saying things like “if all you did today was get out of bed, that’s enough” & “it’s okay if your best looks different, you’re doing great & i’m proud of you,” shit like that. i’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. for a lot of people these are unprecedented times (myself included, for certain reasons), & they deserve all that love & support. but a lot of what the world is going through rn, i went through that when i was younger & i went through it completely alone. a part of me is so happy that people have others who will listen to them & be there for them. everybody deserves to have that & they have the right to feel however they feel whenever they feel it. but the survivor part of me is furious. not only did i never have that support, but i was constantly dismissed. people never noticed something was wrong, & if they did they either used my anger issues & lashing out at others as a reason why i wasn’t worth listening to or being cared for, they chalked it up to me “having issues” & being the weird kid, or they simply didn’t know what to do (not blaming these people). i cried a lot when i was little, & all i got was “oh here we go again” & that i was too sensitive or overdramatic & oh it’s Kris of course she’s crying again. & now that it’s happening to everyone else, NOW they think to themselves “hmm, maybe we should start being kinder & more compassionate & start listening to each other.” ohh you think?! why did it take this fucking long?! you get all this support & love & the comfort of knowing that you’re not alone & that you’ll always have someone. what about younger me who had no one on her side, & if she did they all left eventually bc they found someone better? what about any other kids my age who were going through the same thing or something similar? we were always worthy of that & you all fucking know it. i feel so cheated. & another part of me also feels like i have to be this warrior or whatever & be an example bc i’ve gone through it but i’m so tired of being strong all the time & being told how strong i am bc it’s not fucking true. i mean okay yes i am strong bc i’ve survived everything but i’m not any stronger than the rest of you. i’m human, not superwoman. can i be strong & tired sometimes too maybe?? idk it’s just... it’s so triggering & i see it everywhere & i’m tired. i thought i would be able to connect with more people bc i felt like they finally understand what i was going through, but i feel more alone than i have in a long time.

hi kris, i'm really sorry i didn't see this ask sooner, i barely do anything online these days besides mindlessly scrolling and dissociating haha

i totally get what you mean though. it's already a very triggering situation for us, and to suddenly see people get support for things that we never got support for can be really bad. i often feel extremely angry when i read about the toll the pandemic has on people's mental health because these conversations never centre the already severely mentally ill, it's about how those who are usually rather healthy and stable are affected. it feels triggering because it's a reminder of our own disenfranchisement. i think many of us have experienced that everyone else seemed to be more important than us and that our problems weren't taken seriously, so this is a repetition of those traumatizing formative experiences. for me personally, i mainly feel a kind of jealousy and sensation of being overlooked, which causes anger.

i also relate to what you said about feeling more alone than before. i think hoping for community and then being disappointed by that stings more than just not relating to others in the first place, as it reaffirms our negative past experiences. plus how can i feel community with someone when i'm jealous of the care they get that i have been denied? or when i show understanding for them that they don't show for me? it absolutely is triggering and your emotional response makes complete sense imo.

my policy to deal with that is to try and not expose myself to what triggers me. i use block and mute functions liberally. i step away from group chats and social media. this seems like it would increase my feelings of isolation, but honestly, feeling like nobody understands me and constantly being angry at others is also pretty isolating, so at least this way i get to preserve energy.

it's definitely a very purposeful thing where you need to remind yourself to step away every time you get angry. i'm trying to be better at that anyway, less hate-reading, less getting into fights. what i try to tell myself is that my energy is wasted on these things, the anger isn't productive and it's not doing anything positive for me, i deserve better than that. and then i, like, block and delete and whatever is necessary to feel like i've done something to cut that stuff out of my life, and i try to listen to what i need in that moment to feel better - rest, distraction, venting to someone i trust, doing something that i enjoy - and do that. i try to acknowledge my reaction and give it the room it deserves, but not get so hung up on it and move on. idk, it's a process.

i hope this helped you somewhat and that you're feeling better than when you wrote your message.

all the best

[justasmisunderstoodasloki]

okay im going to be real vage rn (for the second time because tumblr fucked up)

i get major anxiety form certain things i see on social media or when i think about it.

ik certain things cant happen in (my) life and i want and can accept that but my brain still goes back to painful thoughts which make me feel miserable and anxious again. idk how the properly say it, it just hurts me in general.

i also know that taking a social media break could help, but there is also a part of me that gets anxiety because im not active. im already less active, but i will not go on a full sm break because i have no life (most of the times im looking at memes and stuff and im too tired or drained to do smth else). however im not going to be very interactive. i want to but it takes energy to do so and sometimes i dont even have enough energy to be alive or do other things. ik this sounds like im down bad, but trust me i aint, sometimes its just one (or many) of 'those' days yk. i am trying though because i want and need to be more social, if i dont im going to feel more down

well now that im writing this, ill say this too:

this additionally applies to fics too. to everyone who tags me in their stuff (tagging some of those blogs @soft-haz @uglypastels @fanficparker @starlight-loki @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @its-a-leap-of-faith-kid) thank you for tagging me in your works, i really appreciate it. idk when ill read it (or interact) but i will eventually. ill also try to comment and all. still, i takes me a lot of energy. so i wont interact soon after you post it (unfortunately). i apologise though for not admiring your works like i used to do so.

i know (lol i say this a lot) that my blog is not popular and very known, but i still want this to be clear. maybe this is just for me because yea getting thoughts about whats really going on out of your head if too damn difficult and randomly happens

okay wow that was a lot and i hope that i wrote everything that i wanted to say probably not lol idk why i wanted to say this now and actually post it, anyway this has been on my mind lately