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#i appreciate so much all the people who always engage with me on this blog though🩷
roguephenon · 2 days
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II: The Thing That Will Always Be
"...Knowing this was the outcome, would you have still done the same?"
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"In a New York minute." (Chapter cover is by @pinkmeanschaos. Check them out; they have fantastic work.)
The beginning of the end lies under the cut.
This would be the part where I post a tease of the chapter, followed by a link to said chapter.
Let's switch it up this time.
You've all given me so much love and encouragement, and I appreciate and cherish it all. Thank you so, so much.
But I'm not the only fanfic writer for this fandom. There are so many others who deserve love too. Some come to mind.
Like...
@geekinclara just recently started a KND fic, "Those Were The Days". It looks to be their take on Rachel's days as Supreme Leader and maybe even beyond that. It's off to a fantastic start. I've occasionally seen their posts about how much prep they've been doing for it (did you know making a cohesive timeline for this show is hard? Because it truly is), so it could do with some love, non?
And then there's @spicedwatermel0n and his KND fic, "The Rebellion," a GKND AU with 15 chapters already. It explores darker themes (which he's gone through the effort of listing before it starts to prepare his audience; he cares!) while weaving a narrative of the cast trying to fight an oppressive GKND regime. In space. Which is dope. He even has his own art of his designs. I hear he loves people asking about his AU and headcanons on his side blog when he has time to answer.
Nowadays, I write stories and create art for myself first and foremost, and I believe that should be the ultimate goal. Learning to love and take pride in your work should compel your drive to tell stories!
But comments matter, too. Feedback and engagement are rarely ever not a boost. I read every review left and respond to what I can when I have spoons, and it's an amazing feeling.
So, this is just me saying, "Help them feel amazing, too!" And not just these two, but all fanfic writers! If you see a fic you like, leave a quick sentence of your favorite moment!
Even if it has no traction, you'll just be their first!
Even if it has yet to be updated in 14 years, maybe there's a chance they'll come back one day!
Just something that came to mind to me today! And, of course, everyone has boundaries and things they like and dislike. Be respectful of those, too! Seriously. I've had to learn lessons the hard way, and I hope you don't have to have as harsh of an experience.
Thanks for listening to me yap!
Here's the link to Cold Reception's penultimate chapter for your trouble.
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pinktief · 10 months
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i'm not really upset but just doing a little introspection while i filter through my drafts:
i don't expect all memes to turn into threads, but when an overwhelming majority of them get ignored it's so discouraging. like, i took what little spoons i had left to reply to people's asks and for all i know they're not even reading it
obligatory disclaimer that this not directed at anyone here in particular. it's just an observation about tumblr rp in general after looking at my other blogs (from other fandoms) this morning and finding memes i replied to 1 to 2 years ago and still have no like or comment or any kind of acknowledgement that they read it
i realize every time i sit down to reply to memes my brain goes "is it worth spending what little energy i have for writing on something that will likely be completely ignored?" and that sucks. i wish i could just enjoy writing everything and not feeling bad if it's not at least acknowledged and end up feeling guilty bc i want engagement :')
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tteokdoroki · 8 months
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THIRD TIME'S A CHARM - kento nanami.
✩ — about. “my coworker is a wonderful person. they’re kind and sweet. they care a lot about others. recently, i’ve been having some…less than platonic feelings for them and i don’t know how to handle it." kento nanami never cared for workplace shenanigans. he never took his mind off of work. and he never thought he would develop feelings for his coworker, nor expect for them to feel the same way about him. what happens when he misses your three attempts to ask him out? perhaps reddit will know... ( 5.5K )
✩ — warnings. minors, blank and ageless blogs do not interact! sfw, fluff, angst, happy ending  - video banner ! AITA-verse!au, office romance!au, mutual pinining, cluelessness, misunderstandings, christmas time, mentions of alcohol, office worker!nanami, afab!reader.
✩ — things to note. happy monday everyone, i have for you yet another fic to go with my gojo one! this story was written as a gift for @antizenin bc i love her so bad !! can be read as a stand-alone but does make refrences to my AITA gojo fic !! thank you to @todorosie for beta reading! hope you enjoy beloveds <3 - series m.list ⋆ m.list ⋆ read on ao3 ! ִ ࣪𖤐₊ ⊹
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my coworker is a wonderful person. they’re kind and sweet. they care a lot about others. recently, i’ve been having some…less than platonic feelings for them and i don’t know how to handle it. my chest feels tight when they’re away and whenever they’re nearby my heart beats so fast i feel like i might pass. it would be a pleasure to date them or to just stand by them… there’s only one problem. i’m not usually the type of guy who engages in workplace shenanigans, i hardly know how to interact with people outside of the confines of my work. my coworker has made a few advances, at least i think they have. i don’t know how to respond or whether or not i’m over-thinking this. do they even like me? is it all in my head? i could really do with some advice… how should i go about this and telling them how i feel?  TLDR: i have a crush on my coworker but i can’t, for the life of me, tell if they like me back. 
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you’ve always liked your co-worker, kento nanami.
to those who don’t know him, he appears quite stoic and blunt, cold even. like the crisp weather at the start of winter, air that’s sharp and bites unpleasantly at your nose. nanami tends to act the same towards those he holds no affections for, blocking them out as if he were a fortress made of stone.
one may even paint a picture of kento nanami as a lone wolf — callous and uninterested in the buzz of the office. he stays late, works long hours, never engages with the gossip on your floor after work. 
that’s only the beginning of how the world sees your blonde co-worker.
but you have come to know nanami, in your short time working for Gojo Corporations. you’ve not been there very long, still adapting to the office culture and your brand new line of work, but in the few months that you have been finding your equilibrium in the office — you’ve gotten used to nanami’s demeanour, his ethic, his lifestyle. you’ve come to appreciate it, and him. 
the man works hard, with a quiet confidence about him that puts your mind at ease — a quality you only wished that you had. it makes you curious, how little he seems to care about what it is Gojo Corp actually does but how much of his time he puts into it and how much he cares for the people around him too. you’ve learned, by taking the desk to nanami’s left, that he’d risen pretty quickly in the company, he begrudgingly seems to be gojo’s (your boss’) favourite employee and that he’s surprisingly good at what he does for someone who hates it so much. 
he presents at meetings and debfriefs calmly, always gets through his tasks with an air of rationale and when you’d first started…nanami was kind, gently leading you through your own work as if he’d taken your hand in his and was guiding you to some place warmer — away from the chill of your nerves and self-doubt. in his own way, he cared. nanami was not as cold as one might think. 
there’s so much more to him than what meets the average human eye. ever since joining the company — you found yourself curious, wanting to know everything about him. what drives him, what pisses him off, where he wants to go and who he wants to be. beneath his calm, collected and commanding aura there is a man whose heart holds many secrets. a man you want to know… and might even want to be with.
the very thought of being with nanami makes you shy where you wish that you weren’t. maybe then, you could tell the blonde office man how handsome you thought he looked while concentrating on filing reports and paperwork. perhaps you could then steel your nerves and stop the shake in your voice while telling him how much you like the low dip in his own when he explains KPIs and stock markets to you. not to mention how hard he works on keeping his patience with not just you… but the interns megumi, nobara and yuuji as well (yuuji was the brother of someone your boss new very well back in college, apparently). the ways in which he’s taken the young trio under your wing, it’s a wonder you haven’t had baby fever yet.
nanami even extends the same grace to your man-child of a boss, he wouldn’t have stayed working for Gojo Corp and for satoru gojo if he didn’t. in some ways, they were like a little family at the company, and nanami was the responsible one always picking up gojo’s messes and holding the others together. 
especially on days when gojo came into work emotional over developments in his ex’s new life.
still, nanami stayed. 
and your crush on him bloomed like a light frost spreading across the double-glazed glass of a window. 
you felt your heartbeat speed up whenever nanami was close by and you could smell the ginger and cinnamon on him, not to mention, the hairs on the back of your neck would stand whenever your hands brushed over one another’s. nanami was warm on the inside, you knew that — he liked his interns, he cared for gojo especially when the days were tough (like when he holed himself up in his office after finding out his ex was getting engaged). he even brought lunch for the office floor. mostly soup for haibara whenever he got sick. 
you knew deep down that nanami was soft and loving — you felt that he needed love too. you wanted to be the one to give it to him, even if it was the last thing you did.
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ATTEMPT #ONE - THE CHRISTMAS PARTY. 
satoru gojo’s office holiday parties were far from what was considered appropriate for the workplace. 
with thousand dollar bottles of booze and jars of caviar dotted about the main conference room — it was hard for anyone not to be in high spirits. the notes of cheery christmas carols drift through your ears and the tinsel that your boss had thrown over your shoulders scratches at your neck uncomfortably. you’re not one for buzzing celebrations like this, they’re too noisy and loud, but gojo has made you promise to attend this year's party… and he was oddly convincing for a manager this unserious. 
ultimately, you were glad that you’d decided to come because while being spoiled by your boss was all good and fun — it provided you with the perfect social setting and opportunity to speak to your longtime crush, nanami. 
like you, he wasn’t a fan of forced mingling in the office, and had no interest in consoling his tipsy manager who was currently crying up a storm into one of his poor intern’s shoulders. the blonde office man kept to himself, tucked away by the bright lights of the christmas tree as he nursed a piping hot coffee — he wouldn’t be getting drunk on company time. 
you manage to break away from conversing with shoko and make your way over to the latter co-worker, swallowing down your nerves with a swig of the moscato satoru had so generously picked out for you — knowing that you liked the sweeter stuff and that it would probably loosen your lips enough for you to get this over with (he and those interns were fully aware of how much you admired kento nanami). sliding up beside the man, your long, embroided skirts swish against his ankles — only serving to pull his attention away from his work phone and onto you. 
taking a sip of your drink to warm yourself up with liquid courage and break the ice — you hum, quietly. “any plans for the holidays, kento?” you ask him simply, and though your deep and gorgeous brown eyes stay trained on the bubbles in your glass — you can feel kento’s own chocolatey pair land on the side of your face. whether they’re scrutinising you or admiring you, you can’t actually tell.
if you were looking, you’d be able to see the way that the sharp edges of kento’s usual expression soften across his face — the straight line of his lips are parted, his furrowed brows becomes relax and his posture no longer ridged, but instead, at ease. if you were looking you’d know that out of all of his co-workers (aside from the interns), kento is most comfortable around you. he find your meek and cautious demeanour adorable and the way that you sometimes awkwardly flutter around him in conversations is cute. 
“not much, just working.” he responds quickly and shortly. to anyone else, they would have taken nanami’s reply as cold and callous, but you? you smile softly, glad that he’s even taking part in your small talk. 
you’ve always been a little quieter than most colleagues at Gojo Corp, but you’ve always tried your hardest to make connections and bring the group together. you care for the interns so deeply, helping them to learn from your initial mistakes at the organisation and to do better. he likes that you’re good company, knowing just the right things to ask and when, allowing for comfortable silences when no one in the team feels like talking.
nanami likes you. 
and perhaps that’s what makes him awkward around you as well, the very fact that he can’t find fault in you — that you’re too sweet and kind and gentle to complain about like he would with nagging gojo. what does he say to someone as wonderful as you?
he doesn’t want the moment to end, however. “how about you?” 
the blonde says your name softly, as though he’s testing it out on his tongue — and you can’t help the warmth that blooms like a spring rose in your chest at the honeysuckle sound. you’re hot all over and you’re sure it’s not the alcohol. 
“f-family!” you squeak shyly, voice high pitched as you fend off excitement — having nanami elaborate on your conversations isn’t a usual occurrence. coughing, you take a sip of your drink and knock it down a notch. not that kento would want you to, since he finds your enthusiasm to chat with him so endearing. “i have family…coming. o-over the break! flying in from abroad, so it’s going to be special.”  the blonde’s brow raises with interest, and you latch onto the opportunity to speak with him further, basking in your quiet moment together. “i’m not usually one to cook, but my mother and i will be handling dinner together! so it’ll be a mix of all sorts of foods. traditional and from our home country too.” 
nanami slips his work phone away in order to give you his full attention. “that sounds…wonderful,” he settles on saying. he wonders what your family is like, if they’re as shy and endearing as you or louder like that of the dynamics at the office. he imagines you surrounded by love, by laughter and warmth… and can’t help but yearn for the same. “i do miss home cooking, christmas in new york isn’t quite the same as japan.”
“t-then you’re welcome to spend christmas with us!” you blurt before your mind can even process what you’ve said. now you really must be drunk, or tipsy at the very least. who just invites their coworkers over to their house without getting to know them first. “we’ll have more than enough to fix you a plate…if you’d like,” despite your overexcited blunder, you remain hopeful that nanami will accept your invitation or at least get the hint. that you want to know him better and spend more time with him. 
but nanami doesn’t take the hint, he can’t seem to figure out why you’d want to spend time with him outside of work, and so, puts up a respectful boundary. nanami smiles and puts down the coffee he’d been drinking. “i wouldn’t want to impose on your time with family.” 
you frown, the stacked bricks of your excitement coming tumbling down. “kento that’s not what i meant—“ 
“look!” gojo cuts in, slurring from across the room as he points a shaky finger at the two of you by the tree. “they’re standin’ un’da the mistletoe!”
both yourself and nanami look up in disbelief to find yourselves standing under calculatedly placed mistletoe — no doubt due to the meddling of your boss. though you’d be lying if you said you didn’t want to kiss nanami, it was more of question as to whether or not he wanted to kiss you.
“gojo, you’re drunk. and i really should be getting back to work.” kento insists, clearing his throat and immediately looking away from you with a bashful blush. you’re perfect, and darling, and to kiss you really would make kento’s day…but he’d never want to make you uncomfortable or put you on the spot like this. “i have budget reports for your meeting in a few hours.” 
“fuck the reports, don’t you wanna kiss the pretty lady?” nanami looks to you, shying away from the conversation and squirming under the sudden attention of the office party-goers. “i wouldn’t want to make her uncomfortable.” 
“i-i wouldn’t be.” comes your hushed whisper. 
nanami coughs to clear his throat, flustered by you. “are you sure?” 
having had enough of your back and forth, dancing around one another like two teenagers confessing to each other on white day — gojo steps in, forcing his drunk yet authoritarian hand. “come on nanamin,” the white haired man drawls impatiently. “if you don’t kiss her! i will!” 
“no!” you and nanami bark adamantly in unison — causing gojo to smirk and stagger happily while megumi and yuuji hold him up.
 “then go ahead and kiss. or i’ll have to fire you.” 
the idea of losing your job over a trivial christmas tradition is enough to spook you into agreeing. that and you couldn’t imagine kissing satoru gojo… the thought makes you gag to yourself. “fine,” nanami grunts before looking to and addressing you next, “do you mind?” 
you nod once, breath shaky. “it’s okay.” 
“where are you most comfortable being kissed?”
“um, i haven’t… i’ve not had my first yet so…” 
“ah, i see. i won’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable then.” hearing the news makes something weird… stir within the blonde’s firm chest. being your first kiss, his co-worker’s first kiss is an appealing thought — almost a little twisted and selfish for him. to have that honour, to be the one you would give it to, makes his head spin. 
gojo cute through his train of thought, however. “god, would you too hurry it up!”
nanami rolls his eyes at his boss (which would have gotten anyone else fired.) but let’s the corners of his pink lips quirk up into a subtle smile directed at you, and only you. cautiously, he leans down as though not to spook you like a deer in the woods, and takes your hand in his larger and more calloused one. “sorry about this.” he hums quietly, the rough pad of his thumbs traversing through the ridges of your knuckles. 
“i-it’s fine.” you repeat your earlier sentiment, holding your burning breath as kento drags the back of your hand up to his lips. dark brown eyes meet even darker ones — your gentle gazes meeting in the middle as the tensions rise within the conference room. your entire body melts like butter in a pan and your heart bursts out your chest with the crescendo of the christmas music in the background when kento nanami presses a soft chaste kiss to the back of your hand.
your kiss under the mistletoe. 
once he breaks eye contact and snaps out of it — nanami is quick to announce is departure, covering up his flustered expression. “now, i really must be getting back to work. thank you for the party gojo,  kids,”  he nods at you softly with an utterance of your name and leaves not long after, leaving you with a flurry of butterflies in your tummy. 
leaving you a sheepish, warm mess because while you had intended to ask nanami out and failed, you still managed to get somewhat of a kiss. 
you press your hand to your lips, feeling the warmth of kento’s lips embedded into the skin there. somehow, you find it within yourself to ignore gojo's whine for a proper mistletoe liplock in the background — choosing to focus on the lingering touch left by your crush.
“how about the receptionist, she’s into you!” you hear yuuji suggest, earning a cheer from your stupid silver haired boss. 
the three interns plus gojo disappear from the party after that, while you remain stuck in place like a statue made of stones— repeating the kiss in your head over and over again, in your thoughts drowning in images of kento nanami. 
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ATTEMPT #TWO - THE SECRET SANTA.
“good morning, kento!”
“good morning to you too,” 
bristling from nanami’s warm greeting (as well as him calling you by your first name), you shuffle into the seat beside him with cold cheeks and bright eyes — doing your best to quietly shift out of your winter attire to make sure you don’t disturb the rest of the conference room. you’ve just snuck into the team meeting for Gojo Corp’s annual secret santa. this year would be your first time taking part and it took a hell of a lot of bribing (not really, just some locally made daifuku and the number of the receptionist gojo might be crushing on) to convince your boss to give you nanami for the special festive event. 
picking out a gift for your blonde haired and stoic presenting crush proved difficult at first. you already knew that kento spent a lot of time at the office, working hard and dedicating himself to hours of paperwork — but that wasn’t exactly useful to know when it came to gift giving. however, after weeks of gathering intel by tapping into whatever office buzz nanami was involved in and sharing short exchanges with him by the coffee cart outside of Gojo Corp, you’ve managed to learn two things about kento nanami.
one, his appreciation for something homemade or cooked — like the quaint family owned bakery not too far from the office. 
and two, his dream destination. the one place that he’s always wanted to vacation to — Kuantan, Malaysia. 
now you couldn’t exactly afford to just splurge and buy him a ticket over there, not to mention there was a considerate budget placed on gifts…but what you could do is bring nanami’s favourite things to the office. while gojo sets out the rules for staff, you gently place your carefully wrapped presents on the table before you, again, trying to avoid making a ruckus with the crinkling wrapping paper. 
“you’re a little later than usual.” nanami comments to you in a low tone, having been watching you this entire time. 
he would feel weird saying it out loud, but he notices that you’re always early into the office — clicking in around twenty minutes to nine every day and that you take your time in setting up your desk for the day. as though you have a routine to calm your anxieties.
“i had to stop by somewhere for a last minute gift.” you grin after a hushed quip. and nanami can’t help but find it contagious. you’re a warm ray of sunshine to him — one that he can’t help but want to bask under and be near, especially during this winter cold. you make kento feel at peace with your calm aura. the way you speak so tenderly and kindly. as he turns his attention back to a blabbering gojo, he finds himself growing jealous of whoever received your gift. whoever it is, he hopes that they appreciate your thoughtfulness.
after the rules are done, everything is exchanged between assigned pairs as gojo calls up who was responsible form who.
elation courses through nanami’s veins once he learns that his secret santa was you —  happy to know that he is about to be on the receiving end of your perfectly wrapped presents. 
“i hope you like them,” you bleat shyly, passing him the leopard print-covered gifts. the very sight makes him grin, since the paper matches his usual work tie.  
the blonde takes his time unwrapping each layer of paper — as if he doesn’t want to ruin all the hard work you put into presenting this perfectly for him. a strong wave of fondness crashes over your co-worker once the first present is revealed. nanami’s favourite, freshly baked sandwich from the japanese bakery downtown. the one he visits every day, and the same sandwich he orders every time. the one that fills him with nostalgia and reminds him of home. 
the next gift is even more thoughtful, and he fights off the urge to clutch his chest — as if cupid has shot an arrow right through his heart and made it yearn for you and your kindness. it’s a crocheted water lily, like those found in the Taman Gelora park in Malaysia. the same park that nanami has always wanted to go to. 
there’s a little postcard of the location too — with a note scribbled in your precise handwriting, wishing nanami a happy christmas. he tries not to dwell on the heart signed next to your name.
your saccharine voice slices through kento’s wild and appreciative thoughts delicately and he spares you a glance, watching your features as they illuminate with happiness from his reaction. you can tell that he likes your gift, and that fills you both with joy. “i heard from a little bird that you’ve always wanted to take a trip to Kuantan. and while i couldn’t get you a ticket myself, i figured these would be the next best thing. plus some food for your flight.” you joke while nanami thumbs the ridges of the yarn making up his water lily gift. 
he laughs then, remembering how yuuji had grilled him about his dream vacation weeks back. it must have been for you. 
you’re so selfless and thoughtful, it still blows the blonde office man’s mind that you would have gone through the trouble of getting him such a gift. most times, colleagues at Gojo Corp settle for fancy chocolates or snooty vouchers for department stores… but you used so much of your own time and effort to create something that kento nanami would truly appreciate. it drives him mad that he can’t seem to figure out why. why would you do something so nice for him? 
“i wish i could have gotten you something in return.” he mumbles fondly.
“i don’t need anything from you kento,” you say sweetly, making his heart race as you put your hand over his. “i appreciate you and you’re my friend. i don’t need anything more.” you figure now is a bad time to confess to him, in front of everyone. though you might have chosen the wrong words — because while you do want more from nanami, he now thinks that you don’t, pulling away from you slightly. “i… i appreciate everything you do for the company. a-and i like spending time with you. being your friend.” 
you facepalm internally, knowing you could have worded yourself better — but the realisation comes a little too late, for nanami is already pulling away from you, his once soft smile falling into place with the harsh lines of a frown. “thank you for the gifts,” he says, a little colder. now that he’s figured out why you truly made him those gifts. you see nanami as a friend, a good one. nothing more, like he had secretly hoped. “i must be getting back to work.” 
“o-oh but kento—“ he looks down at you icily, you have no idea why he’s being so cold. he hasn’t a clue either, it’s not like you know of his affections or fondness towards you. you thought that calling yourselves  friends would be just fine… at least until you found the confidence to confess properly. “nanami…did i offend you? i didn’t mean to pry with your gifts! i just wanted them to be perfect—“
“—you’re fine. just… duty calls. paperwork.” 
“oh, right.” you reply, weak and defeated, thinking that he’s mad at you. rejecting you again. “good luck nanami…”
“thanks,” he mumbles. “for this, and the gift.” 
“you’re welcome,” you say, mostly to yourself but before you can say more he’s disappeared from the conference room and gone back to his cubicle. 
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ATTEMPT #THREE - THE EVE OF CHRISTMAS.
as mentioned before, your boss isn’t exactly the serious type.
satoru gojo is silly and often irresponsible in regards to work. he’s had a lot to deal with and a lot to learn, he covers his mistakes with charms and smiles, but he’s learning. and when it comes down to it, satoru cares for the company, the office and most importantly —  his staff.
which is why he makes it a rule that no one in his main team should work over the christmas period — with no exceptions. 
of course, the ever-dedicated kento nanami has always found a loop-hole in avoiding the festive rule and his manager’s simple christmas wish. which is why, much to your chargin, satoru has meddled a little bit and sent you into the office to send nanami home. usually you wouldn’t mind the opportunity to speak with your crush, but after your second rejection from him in such a short space of time, you’re not so sure your little heart can take seeing the man before the holidays. 
you’d agreed to satoru’s request nonetheless, your family didn't arrive until tomorrow and you couldn’t live with yourself if you let kento work through the night. you still had feelings for him after all. 
when you arrive at your office, it’s dark and dim — matching the evening and it’s weather outside. you assume that any cleaning staff have already gone home, instructed by nanami who would also hate to keep people behind on Christmas Eve. it seems like him to offer to clean up after himself.
rounding the corner, you spot him in the conference room, tucked away by the tree from your christmas party as he taps away at his work laptop — no doubt finishing the Q3 report. you push past the glass door and make your way inside, tugging your scarf, hat and coat off while you watch nanami work. you hang them all up on a nearby coat rack.
“i know you’re there,” he speaks into the dark silence. “is that you, satoru? i’m not going home.” 
“actually, satoru sent me in here to make sure you weren’t working on Christmas Eve.” you respond in an even tone, ignoring the slash of hurt over your heart when nanami fails to even spare you so much as a glance upon hearing your dulcet voice. 
he instead scoffs, returning to his work. “tell him that i’m fine. i don’t need to be babysat. i know when to take a break.” kento doesn’t why he’s being so harsh with you, it’s not like you knew of his feelings. calling him your friend had been a token of kindness, but he let his rationality slip away and acted out because… what? he was afraid of your rejection?
despite his mean words, you stand your ground and refuse to leave kento alone. “i figured you might say that, so i bought you some food. these are cookies from the bakery that you like and they should keep you going,” you rummage in your tote for a small of cookies — pushing them across the large conference table for your stubborn blond co-worker. “the girl that works there is sweet. maybe we should go sometime, we can take a break from your work and have some cold turkey sandwiches ahead of Christmas Day—“
“if i wanted sweets i would have called up that meddling boss of ours, satoru,” nanami seethes, losing his patience. the more he looks at you, those big brown eyes and your soft, beautiful face, the more hurt he feels, the more nauseated he feels knowing that you might not like him the way he likes you. as  just friends, instead of something more. “why are you here?” 
you blink back your suprise. “w-what?” 
“don’t you have family to be spending the night with?”
“i do it’s just… i worry about you, nanami. you work too hard, it’s christmas.” 
“i really, really would like to finish the report so i can go home.” 
your face scrunches up with rage and using that same fury, you march over the blonde man in three short strides — grabbing his chair and whirling him around to face you. you slam his laptop closed with enough power to shatter the damn thing, fixing nanami to look at you. ”what is wrong with you?” 
“pardon?” 
“i’ve… i’ve been trying all month to show you how much..how much i care about you and how much i like you. but it’s like you don’t even see me.” your voice warbles despite how angry you are, tears threatening to spill over the edge of your lashes. everything hurts, you don’t know what you’ve done to make nanami resent you in the way that he does now. perhaps if you were different, more confident and self assured maybe he would notice your gestures and implications. maybe he would like you back.
you wish for the darkness of the office to swallow you whole and make you disappear as you and nanami do nothing but stare blankly at each other. however, the lights on the obnoxious christmas tree continue to flash in the corner — illuminating the crystal tears clumped in your lashes and the slope of your features with a perfect golden glow. nanami sees you, he always has…but what good would a man like him be to a girl like you? sure, he wants to settle down, wants christmas with someone he loves, somewhere comfortable where he doesn’t have to worry about a thing — let alone money.
…but nanami is a tough nut to crack, he keeps to himself so much that even now you’re struggling hard to get him to speak his truth, and his feelings. he wouldn’t want you to give up trying even while he struggles to open up. 
“i see you.” finally, kento finds his confidence and admits his truth to you. “i always have.” 
he stands from his seat, towering over you and you stumble back. “do you? i’ve tried so hard… to tell you…”
the blonde leans down to your height and your words trail off, overwhelmed by him. “to tell me what?” 
he prays that you can’t hear the pound of his heart against his ribcage or the blood rushing through his ears… but nanami has never stepped out of line or taken a risk and if he doesn’t, break the rules, he could risk losing the one good thing at this god forsaken place. “that i… that i like you. kento. i-i’m fond of you.” you exhale through your words, succumbing to everything that makes up kento nanami. his scent, gingerbread and fresh mint, makes you dizzy, his proximity makes your world tilt on its axis and you’re so nervous that you latch onto the collar of his dark blue dress shirt to keep yourself steady. 
nanami seizes the opportunity to pour into you every emotion that he can’t bring himself to say. his large hands settle gingerly on the small of your back and his warm breath coasts over your fleshly lower lip, as if to ask for permission to kiss you properly. “may i?” comes his timbre voice, equality as shaky as yours had been earlier. you shake your head ‘yes’, giving nanami your consent to press his lips against your own in a life changing kiss. the action is tender, guiding you in all of the right places where you lack experience. the fists you'd formed in the collar of his shirt loosen the more that nanami works your lips in his gentle kiss — warming the frost over your little heart. 
“i’m quite fond of you too,” he says your name after finally giving you the room that you need to breathe and kento brushes a thumb over your the swell bottom lip before he kisses you gently again. “i’m sorry i didn’t say so earlier.” 
still holding onto him, a breathy chuckle escapes you as if you’re in shock. “w-what…what changed your mind? i thought you didn’t like me like that…”
“it wasn’t my mind that needed changing. it was the way i saw how you felt about me… i should have asked instead of assuming you only saw me as a friend. that was my mistake,” nanami explains carefully, choosing his words wisely. “you’ve been fair and kind to me, and i failed to give you the same grace due to my own doubts. i admire you, and should have confessed to you sooner but i—“ 
“but you wanted to finish working first, i get it.” you giggle and lean up to peck kento on the lips, stealing the words right out of his mouth. “just… please talk to me next time. i thought you were mad at me.” 
your blonde co-worker, crush and now.. partner? (that was to be decided) gives your waist an apologetic squeeze — acknowledging his mistakes. “i owe you that much,” he replies warmly, “now how about those turkey sandwiches you were talking about?” nanami questions you awkwardly, in his own charming way of asking you out for a date on christmas eve. 
after packing up and like a gentleman, he retrieves your scarf, hat and coat from the nearby coat rack by the door and gently pulls them over you one by one. like he cares, like he might even love you. he even zips you up to protect your cheeks from the bitter cold. nanami folds his own coat over the bend of his and grasps your hand firmly in his — keeping you close as you walk out of the office, a newly formed christmas couple. 
somewhere off in the distance, the boss of the Gojo Corp office watches with a sly grin. while satoru might not have gotten his holiday romance, he’s glad his little plan was enough to get yourself and nanami together. 
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꒰ end. — all rights reserved © tteokdoroki 2024. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.
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soaps-mohawk · 1 month
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I'm going to be honest
I'm having a genuinely hard time making this post. I've been fighting with it for a couple weeks now, but I think it's time I finally make it.
I'm not having fun on this blog anymore.
It sounds bad, but honestly, it kind of is.
I think a lot of it started from the very beginning with the precedence and expectations I put on myself. I've always tried to respond to every comment I get. Even from the beginning. It's just a polite thing to do since those who leave comments took the time to write out what they think of my fic, even if it's just a keysmash. I've always felt the need to thank those who leave comments or reblog my writing or (now that tumblr has it) replied to my fics. It worked fine before because none of my fics were particularly popular. Even my most popular fic (at that time) didn't get as much attention as CRCB has. I've never had a "big blog" before, nor a fic as popular as CRCB has gotten.
It was fine at first, responding to everyone, engaging with everyone. I was riding that high of omg so many people are reading and enjoying my fic! I've never had anything quite like this before.
Now...it just feels more like a chore. I set this precedence on this blog that I respond to everyone and I know a lot of people have said that they're surprised I responded to them and to everyone, and now I'm getting why a lot of writers don't. I'm exhausted. I feel like I've just been robotically saying the same thing over and over trying to respond to people now. I used to love seeing asks in my inbox and reblogs and replies but now? All I feel is dread because I have to respond to all of those.
Turning anon off was a big help. It lessened the sheer volume of asks I was getting a day. And while I do feel bad for all of my anons who prefer to stay anons, with everything that happened (the multiple incidents) with anon that kind of started to suck the joy out of everything. That paired with the obsessive need to constantly have my inbox cleared and make sure everyone gets a response...I can understand now too why big blogs will have 200+ asks in their inbox. It's hard and it's exhausting and I'm burning out.
First it was the fic that was burning me out. Things have gone on far longer than I planned and I just wasn't prepared for this fic to go on and for a while there it was dragging. I'll admit that. If I could go back, I'd speed up a few things, but it's done, it's posted there's no going back. I kind of hoped I would have the mental capacity to upload more than once a week too, but I just couldn't. I still can't.
I've come to dread posting chapters because I know I'm going to have to reply and respond to everyone. The only thing keeping me posting is the fact that we're in the part of the story I've been excited about since the beginning and also because I keep leaving everyone on cliffhangers and I love torturing y'all with all of them.
So that being said, this is in no way to shame anyone for interacting with me, anyone leaving comments or replies or sending asks. Don't feel bad about doing it please. I appreciate all of you that have engaged with me and it really means so much to me. Honestly, earlier this year, if I didn't have this fic and everyone on this blog, I might not have made it to now. It's been a really rough year and it's still going to be into next year. It's just getting to the point where I need a break.
I've needed a break for a long time. I thought taking days off the blog would help, and it did for a couple of weeks, but now even on the days I'm supposed to be on the blog and engaging, I just find myself queueing stuff up and just being offline most of the day still.
I'm tired. That's the best reason I can give. I'm tired and burned out on life and I'm tired and burned out on this blog.
So...I think I need a break. I need to not keep responding to every single reply and reblog every chapter. I need to not force myself to answer every ask right away, no matter how much I want to. I feel bad, but I know everyone would rather have me here and enjoying the blog than forcing myself to interact to the point where I'm dreading it and just robotically repeating myself over and over with every reply and answer and comment.
I won't be pausing the fic, I won't be not uploading. I'll still be posting chapters, I just might not be interacting as much as I have been. It's just putting such a mental strain on me still, even with anon off, even with days off. And with things getting busier for me, it's going to be too much to try and deal with irl stuff and write and try to be super active on the blog. There's going to come a point where I have to sacrifice the writing or the blog and I'd rather sacrifice the blog to keep myself sane, and also to keep trying to finally get this fic done. I love this fic, don't get me wrong, but I'm just burning out.
I'm already burned out in a lot of ways.
I was planning kinktober this year but honestly I'm considering not doing it because I know interaction is going to be insane and it's going to be a lot to keep up on. Plus trying to write that many fics is hard and I'm not sure I have the ability to do it. I have a few done but now I'm just like...is that something I want to do on top of irl stuff and CRCB.
There's just no joy in it anymore. It's not anyone's fault but mine. I put the pressure on myself, I held myself to that standard for this long despite the fact I knew it was draining me. I've tried to push through when I should have prioritized myself. I feel so guilty not responding to everyone. I feel so guilty being a day or two late responding to everyone.
I want to be here and interacting and responding to things but I just can't bring myself to anymore. It's no one's fault, and this is not a drag on anyone, or an attempt to make anyone feel bad or guilty for interacting or sending asks or anything. I'm just airing out the truth and saying what I need to say because I feel like I've been so robotic and lifeless with my responses these last couple weeks and I feel like I need to explain why. It's nothing anyone has done. It's my fault. It's 100% my fault.
Things have just gotten to be too much and it's my fault for forcing myself to be so active. The social battery has dropped into the negatives. I'm not a social person. I can only handle so much interaction and I've pushed so far beyond that, that things have gotten to this point. I want to be here and I want to have fun and I want to use this as an escape but I just don't feel that way about it anymore. It's a chore for me, a job, something I feel like I have to do and it's my fault that I feel that way. It's my own standards and expectations I set on myself, and my expectations on what I think my followers want and deserve and now I feel like I've gone on too long like this that I can't change things without hurting anyone's feelings. I don't want people to think I'm ignoring them in favor of others because I know there's writers out there that do that. They only respond to a certain group and ignore others that comment and reblog. I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm doing that to them and that's now led me to here.
I'm forcing it and I'm tired.
It's been hard these last few weeks. The life has just been draining and draining continuously. The joy and the love I have for this blog and my followers and the interactions and the fic. The last anon bullshit that happened was just kind of the last nail in the coffin so to speak. The straw that broke the camel's back. Things stopped being fun. It made me feel bad (and not in the guilty way, though that was a part of it) and I'm honestly just over it. I'm over the blog, I'm over interacting, I'm over life at this point. August is a hard month for me and every year it seems to get worse and worse. A lot of it is unrelated to anything online and I was going to make a post about it but honestly I just don't want to. Those that know, know. Those that don't...it doesn't matter.
I'm getting annoyed by the blog, I'm getting annoyed every time I look in my notifications and see an ask or a reply or a comment. I'm getting annoyed by some of my followers and that's not fair to you. Everyone always talks about how nice and kind and patient I am when I'm really not. I'm not the person I present myself to be on this blog, the way I mask myself so I can present myself as being a normal, kind human being. The mask is coming off because I'm so tired I can't keep it up anymore. It's happening here and it's happening in real life. I'm tired and I'm frustrated and I'm angry at a lot of things and the last thing I want is to start taking it out on my followers. You don't deserve that, especially when it's not your fault, it's nothing any of you have done. It's all me.
It's not you, it's me.
So for the sake of not burning this whole thing to the ground, I'm going to take a break. I'm not replying to everyone, I'm not responding to every reblog, I won't reply to every ask I get right away, if at all because sometimes I just don't have anything to say in response and I need to learn that's okay. It's nothing against you. It's not aimed at anyone specifically, I'm just trying to put myself first and stop things from escalating. I need a break and I'm going to do something selfish and I'm going to take it.
Don't apologize because it's not your fault. Don't apologize because you think you might have contributed to this because you didn't. It is no one's fault but my own.
I'm the one that needs to apologize to all of you because I've just not been myself because I've been forcing myself to be someone I'm not. I've been very unfair to a lot of people over the last seven months that this blog has been active and I've held a precedent that is not sustainable in the long run and made everyone believe that I was capable of maintaining that kind of interaction when I'm not.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been putting everyone through this. I'm sorry I've been so detached and robotic and ingenuine. I'm sorry I led everyone to believe I'm someone I'm not. I'm sorry I've dragged this on this long that it's gotten to the point that I have to make this post.
I considered just disappearing but that wouldn't be fair to you either. I don't want to put you through that, so I'm pouring all of my thoughts out and making you read through this fucking novel of a post. If you've made it this far, then congrats I guess. Gold metals to you who bothered reading this far.
Anyway, all of that aside, I'll still be posting chapters. I'll have them scheduled and I'll probably come on and add links places to keep things current. I'll respond and reply and answer asks when I feel like it. You don't have to stop sending them, but just don't expect them to be responded to right away anymore. I'll probably still be here reblogging things I want and doing things when I feel like it.
I just need a few weeks to myself. Time I don't have to care about the blog at all and keeping up with it. Anon will remain off for the sake of keeping asshole trolls away, and also so I don't open tumblr and have 200 asks in my inbox after a week. Sorry to my anons but it's just the way it needs to be right now. Maybe once this break is over and I've dealt with irl stuff, I'll consider putting it back on. I just can't after everything I dealt with recently on anon.
It'll be the same on Ao3, for those that follow here and read there. Comments will probably sit for a while. They won't be answered right away anymore unless I get the energy to burn through them. Even then I won't try to answer them all at once like I did this last weekend.
I'll try to reblog something every day so y'all know I'm alright. I don't want y'all to panic and it's not fair to put you through that, especially those that might not see this or bother reading it. Those that follow simply for the fic and nothing else. I'm here, I'm just not...here.
This week's chapter is in the queue to be posted tomorrow as usual. Chapters will still come out as planned since I'm not stopping writing, just taking a break from the blog itself.
Thank you those of you who stuck through to the end here. I appreciate all of you so much. You have no idea. I'm sorry I let things get to this point and I'm sorry to anyone that I've gotten rude or snappy with because I couldn't be selfish and put myself first. I'm sorry to anyone that got a robotic, repeated response to something they were probably excited to share. I'm sorry I've been so unfair to everyone and I hope you can forgive me.
Take care and I'll talk to everyone when I have the energy to.
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totheblood · 2 years
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true blue. (one)
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pairing: modern!ellie williams x reader
summary: ellie has a new philosophy: don't fall in love and you won't get your heart broken. ellie also has a really cute new friend. ellie admires some birds in this chapter idk if thats significant
warnings: 18+ (as a general rule for this series and my blog as a whole) suggestive themes, eventual smut, drug/alcohol usage, cursing, descriptions of abusive behavior (neither ellie or reader engages in these behaviors)
a/n: i am hoping to make this a series if enough people like it and want me too... i really appreciate support and feedback through asks and replies/reblogs, it all means so much to me. also i have this whole thing planned out and i plan for it to be very messy hehe... i love drama idk
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This year was going to be different.
At least that’s what Ellie told herself as she gripped the straps of her worn out backpack. All of the classes her and Cat had planned to take together this semester she had quickly transferred out of by the end of the summer, causing her to rack up an impressive list of classes on her schedule nobody wanted to take. 
“Fuck,” Ellie cursed under her breath as she rushed towards the building her literature seminar was in. “I’m going to be so late.” She was practically cursing herself for waking up so late that morning, her bed seeming much more welcoming than the professor who had 1 star on ‘rate my professors.’ She knew she had fucked up, but at this moment she didn’t really care.
As she made her way down the chestnut lined hallway, she frantically checked the door numbers on each door, cursing each time the door number didn’t align with the one she was supposed to be in. When she did find her classroom at the end of the hallway, she had to steady herself with a few deep breaths before entering. Throughout all of this, however, one thought rang clear through her mind: Fuck Cat.
Ellie never really liked to refer to herself as heartbroken, but that was the nicest way she could put the state that Cat had left her in. Ellie always knew she liked girls and while she had many crushes, and a few kisses, Cat was her first real girlfriend. She was the first person to hold Ellie’s hand in public, post lame birthday posts on Instagram, and the first person to give her an orgasm. But if she was being really honest with herself, her first orgasm belonged to her own hand.
Cat had served as a turning point in Ellie’s life and up until this point she was almost certain  that she had been in love with her. Almost. There was always this sinking feeling that whatever feelings she had for the girl was most likely orchestrated by pure hormones. She couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was that made her feel that way, but there always seemed to be something missing from their relationship. 
Little to Ellie’s knowledge, however, was that was just who Cat was. She made you feel like you were on top of the world, the only person in the universe who could cure her ills, and the only person who got her. She made you feel special, and at the time, that was exactly what Ellie was craving. She needed a person who looked at her like she aligned the stars, and that person was Cat.
Until it wasn’t. Quickly towards the end of the summer Cat got bored and all of the love notes Ellie had written her were quickly discarded within an hour of reading them. She continued to pull away until there was no trace of her left in Ellie’s life. To make matters worse, she broke up with Ellie over text, leaving her dazed and confused. There was nothing left for her to do except to run to Dina’s house and cry in her lap. She hated how pathetic she looked as Dina stroked her hair and shooed Jeese off with the flick of her hand. It was safe to say Ellie was completely over relationships.
Fuck Cat, she thought again, but decided that it being a thought wasn’t enough.
E: Fuck Cat.
D: yea fuck that bitch
Deciding that the text had done enough to calm her nerves, she pushed through the threshold into the classroom. She must’ve not realized how intimate of a class this was when she signed up for it because as she entered all ten of the people in the room now locked eyes with her, and the old man sitting at the front of the table threw her a disappointed look.
“Ellie Williams, I presume?” he questioned, looking at his roster in front of him.
“You do presume.” She awkwardly answered, only receiving a chuckle from a girl sitting at the far end of the table. Ellie looked up to see who it was that laughed at her poorly timed joke but just saw you trying to hide the smile on your face by pretending to write notes.
“You can sit at any open seat, I was just discussing the syllabus.” He told her, his tone sharp. 
“Okay, thanks.” Ellie mumbled under her breath, moving to sit at the open seat next to you considering you seemed like you might be the friendliest person in this room. She quickly moved to get her notebook out but internally cursed herself out for the fifth time that day because she completely forgot her pencil case in her dorm. She decided to save herself the embarrassment of asking if anyone had a pen, so she just continued to ruffle through her bag even though she knew it wasn’t there.
“You looking for something?” you leaned over to whisper to her, still causing her to jump back slightly.
“Yea, a pen?” She whispered back, laughing under her breath to pretend like she wasn’t completely embarrassed right now.
“Here.” A black pen balanced in between your fingers as you offered it to her. She sheepishly thanked you before taking it, making sure your fingers didn’t touch. 
“There will be one main assignment in this class as you can see on the syllabus.” Ellie, obviously not in her element, looked around at all the packets each person was holding. As if you could sense the nerves on her, you shoved your packet in between the both of you, pointing to the assignment the professor was discussing. 
“It is a partner based project and since there are only ten of you I hope this won’t be an issue.” He continued on. “And as you can see it is worth 60% of your grade.” Fuck this, Ellie thought to herself yet again, and fuck Cat too, she added for good measure.
The rest of the 90 minute class went as well as you could imagine, Ellie only having to stop herself from falling asleep three times. When the class was over and she began to collect her things Ellie looked over to where you were stuffing your laptop into your backpack. 
“Hey,” she managed to get out, her fingers fidgeting with her rings. “Would you want to be partners for the project?” 
You let out a breath of relief smiling both to her and yourself. “I would love that actually.” 
“Ok, good.” Ellie chuckled to herself about how nervous she was over something so small “I thought you might’ve thought I was like super unprepared or something since I was late and the pen.” Her eyes widened the pen. “Oh shit, your pen.” Ellie moved to take her backpack off and give back your pen but you abruptly stopped her by placing your hand on her forearm. Your hand right over the very spot Cat had tattooed. 
“Keep it,” you offered her a genuine smile before handing your phone over to her “and put your number in here.” 
Ellie may not have noticed it but she blushed. A part of her knew you were just being kind and you needed her number to work on the project but if this was any other setting this would be considered flirting. Ellie nervously took your phone in her hand and inserted her number and name with a little planet emoji next to it. When she handed the phone back to you she scanned your face for a reaction, smiling to herself when she saw your very own smile. 
“Ellie,” you looked back up at her “nice name.” All Ellie could do was let the tips of her ears turn red as she thanked you. When you offered her your own name and she repeated it back to you, she liked the way it felt on her tongue. She wondered what you wou- No, she wasn’t doing this again.
“I’ll text you tonight about getting started.” You informed her, now slinging your own bag over your shoulder.
“Looking forward to it.” She stated simply, her own feet planted to the floor.
“I presume you are.” You replied with a giggle before turning around and leaving Ellie feeling fuzzy.
Fuck.
The rest of Ellie’s day was uneventful to say the least. She saw a few birds eating a sandwich and thought it was cute, but besides that (and you), her day was boring. She was hoping that this year would be different, that she would be miles ahead of where she was when she met Cat, but she knew she was just worse. She wanted anything, a rebound, a distraction to pull her mind off Cat but all she could do was stare at her ceiling and try not to cry. Or that’s what she was doing until her phone buzzed from it’s place on her stomach.
Y: hey, it’s me
E: Who's me?
Y: pen dealer, duh
E: I thought dealers were supposed to be more discreet.
Y: you know a lot about dealers?
E: I’ve seen a few movies.
Y: nothing is like the movies, be fr
Y: anyways, do you want to meet up to discuss the project tomorrow? we could meet at beans?
E: Yeah, sure. 10?
Y: sounds good, bring cash
E: For? I use apple pay.
Y: for the pens… it was a joke nvm
E: Dumb joke.
The next morning Ellie had to drag herself out of bed so she wouldn’t be late to meet you. She groaned as she watched her roommate sleeping peacefully in her bed while she so desperately wished it could be her. For some reason that she couldn’t place, Ellie found herself smoothing down her hair and checking her teeth in the mirror. She even sprayed some perfume before she left, coughing as she accidentally inhaled some of the liquid. Why was she doing this again?
She saw you through the window of the coffee shop, leaned over your computer screen lost in thought. You tucked your pen between your lips and Ellie couldn’t help but feel like a freak staring at you from the other side. You looked so at peace with your hair tied up and your eyes carefully scanning the screen. Ellie wondered what it would feel like to not have a million things going through your mind at once. 
When she approached you she made a mental note of how your eyes lit up when you saw her. You had known her for a second and you had already looked at her with more adoration that Cat did towards the end of their relationship. 
“Hey, customer.” You joked, as you watched Ellie sit down across from you. 
“You don’t know how to let a joke die, do you?” She questioned jokingly, a warm feeling in both her face and her chest.
“I do not.” You said matter of factly.
The two of you discussed the project, throwing in occasional conversation and jokes when the material got too daunting. After about an hour had passed and the two of you were already feeling burnt out, Ellie suggested you take a walk around campus to “get some fresh air” and “clear your heads.” In reality, she was already growing tired of this project and just wanted to hear your voice ramble on about something other than American Literature.
It was a cool day, and the slight breeze caused both you and Ellie to squint the entire time. There was something so calm about the energy between the two of you. It wasn’t passionate or overwhelming like it was with Cat, but comforting. It was lulling Ellie into a sense of security, but she knew it couldn’t last long. 
“Where are you from?” Ellie spoke up. “Did you grow up around here?”
“Close-ish, I guess.” You answered. “I’m from a town north called Star Valley.” 
“Oh shit, you’re right by Jackson.” Ellie exclaimed. 
“Yea, you’re from Jackson?” The idea that you too lived this close and this was your first time meeting almost seemed criminal to Ellie.
“Yeah, me and my friends grew up there. I’m originally from Boston, though, I moved there with my..” You gave her time to speak, it being painfully obvious she was going to have trouble explaining the situation. “Like my dad? He’s not really my dad, he’s just Joel.” She decided to dumb down her complicated relationship with him for the sake of time. You, however, did not try to get any information out of her, or immediately try to get her to be vulnerable with her like Cat did at the beginning of the relationship. You just smiled at her and continued on with the conversation. 
Ellie liked this. She liked being able to have a conversation with a pretty girl that didn’t make her feel like she was tearing herself open just to bond with you. You two were just bonding in the simplest way people could. The sick and sinister part of her, however, was telling her to leave immediately. To avoid the trouble that another heartbreak would bring her. 
That part of her was starting to win over slowly as she remembered the promise she made to herself. She quickly excused herself and told you she would text you about meeting up again to work on the project. Her brain was telling her run, run, run, but she could tell you were still standing there staring as she walked away towards the direction of her building. 
Later that night, after a cool shower and a few hits of her pen, Ellie found herself ranting to Dina over text again.
E: I’m so fucked.
D: what???
E: I’m working with this really hot girl on a project for one of my classes and today we were walking together and it all seemed normal, like toooo normal, so I left. Like I no joke was like “Bye” mid conversation and LEFT HER THERE. What is wrong with me?
D: what happened to ‘i’m never talking to another girl again’?
E: I’m not.
D: …
E: I’M NOT.
E: IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER SHE PROBABLY THINKS I’M A FREAK FOR RUNNING AWAY TODAY
D: true
E: ?????
D: idk why you would do that so i’m not going to lie to you
D: i would think you are a freak
E: Ok, fuck you.
D: what does she look like?
E: Hot. 
D: oh yes thank you for painting such a vivid picture
D: SEND A PICTURE YOU FREAK
E: You are so mean to me.
Ellie felt the need for validation so she did what any normal person would in that situation: she went to instagram and typed in your full name. To her surprise, there you were, smiling as bright as the sun in your profile picture. Ellie suddenly felt like a kid again scanning through your photos, blushing and smiling to herself as she looked at you, losing focus of her original motive. She didn’t realize how far she had scrolled down until she was stopped by the sight of a familiar face. In a post dated over a year ago it was you kissing another girl. 
And that girl was Cat.
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anistarrose · 3 months
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You added an "image description" to my post - now what? (FAQ)
[Plain text: "You added an 'image description' to my post - now what? (FAQ)". End PT.]
While I'm literally always willing to answer (good faith) questions about image descriptions, alt text, and online accessibility writ large, I also know lots of people have social anxiety about sending DMs, doing IDs "wrong," or just not knowing what IDs are for in the first place. Hence, this FAQ.
If I added an ID to your post and/or asked you to do so, and you're confused about any aspect of that, this is where to start. You can absolutely still reach out to me, I just thought I should consolidate as many answers as possible.
"What is an ID and why does it matter?"
IDs are a description of the content of an image, and can range from a transcript of a screenshot of text, to a description of a detailed piece of art. They should be in plain text, and placed on the line immediately following the image (unless it's alt text, more on those pros and cons later).
IDs are primarily for blind and low vision people who use screen readers to navigate the internet — but help others too, including lots of neurodivergent people. Check out this post (link) and the notes for more examples (dyslexics, migraine sufferers, people who can't interpret expressions, people with slow internet...)
IDs are important because without them, the Internet really sucks for people who need them. You probably don't realize how many undescribed images circulate on tumblr every day, with no way for a lot of disabled people to engage with those posts.
A blind person talks in more detail about all of this here (link).
"I reblogged your ID, is that enough?"
It's not that I don't appreciate it, but editing it into the root post and then reblogging that is much more impactful, for a variety of reasons. It means people who need IDs don't have to dig through the notes for them, it means that Tumblr can't glitch by failing to load the notes and make the ID functionally disappear, and it means all people who find the post in the tags or on your blog will be sharing the accessible version.
To explain visually, the best thing to do is something like this:
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[ID: two mock-up Tumblr posts to illustrate adding an ID from the notes to the root post. A blog named "your-blog" posts an image of text reading "something cool you posted" with the caption "check out this cool image I made!" In the notes, the blog "image-describer" reblogs with an ID, which is highlighted. This version of the post is labeled: "original post, reblogged via ID writer."
The second version of the post is from "your-blog" again, where they've added the ID directly under the image, with the same caption below the ID. This version is labeled "updated root post, with ID copy-pasted. End ID.]
"My caption/commentary first, or ID first?"
Include the ID right under the image, followed by your caption or commentary. Unless you're putting your commentary before the image itself, a sighted person will see "image, commentary" in that order, so to ensure the post flows the same way, use the order "image, ID, commentary."
Commentary frequently assumes that the reader has seen the image, after all! A person might not even realize the image is described if the ID is buried too deep, because they might lose patience and skip the post. Or, to explain visually:
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[ID: two mock-up example posts with an ID, one formatted well and one poorly. They both start with an image, which is just the text "screenshot of a tweet or something." The first post includes the ID immediately under the image. Below, it continues: "commentary blah blah blah get a load of this guy can you believe it." The post is labeled "Like this!" in green with a check mark.
The second post includes the commentary first, then the ID after the commentary. It's labeled: "Reads awkwardly, deprives screen reader users of immediate context" in red with an X. End ID.]
"I want to make a change to the ID, is that okay?"
Yep! If you want me to change it on my blog too (whether it's characters' pronouns, some typo, etc), just message me.
"What if someone else adds an ID to my post? Would they also be okay with me editing it into the original post like you are?"
Almost certainly! I can't speak for everyone, but I've literally never met an ID writer who wouldn't be okay with it — because we all have the shared goal of maximizing accessibility. If you're unsure or nervous, you can always include credit, but most people are even fine with going uncredited.
"I put your ID in the alt text, is that enough?"
I will never tell you not to use alt text when the alternative is an undescribed post, but I really strongly suggest putting it in both the alt text and the post. Some people who use screen readers prefer the flow of alt text, for good reason — but it's also poorly implemented on Tumblr, and it can glitch and disappear on reblogs, in drafts, or just apropos of nothing.
Moreover, when a low-vision person or anyone else wants to read the alt text directly, Tumblr's display options aren't great. (Unless you use XKit Rewritten's AccessKit, which I will always plug, but that's not an option for mobile users.) Long alt text often extends off the page and gets cut off. Tumblr used to use a terrible eye-straining purple background for it, and could always do that again with no warning. It's just not ideal.
Here's a visually impaired person talking more about the pros and cons (link).
It seems we're in need of a compromise, so what can you do? One option is to include the same alt text as image description (placing the ID directly under the image as always, because remember, flow for screen readers is important). I like to lead with "ID from alt," in order to clarify to screen reader users that they can skip the ID, and help differentiate it from the other option I'm about to describe. This should be self-explanatory, but here's an example of a post I did in this style (link).
Option two is to include a short description in the alt text, and a more detailed explanation in-post. This can let screen reader users instantly know that the post is described, and decide whether they're interested enough in it to stick with it, but it maintains an in-post description for others to benefit from too.
Example of me doing this in a post about IDs (link)
Example of my mutual describing art like this (link)
Also, it's the style I follow throughout this exact post! Take a look!
As usual, the ID is directly below the image in all these cases. This means screen readers move immediately from the alt text to the full description, and the post flows the same way it would for a sighted person.
If you're here because I wrote an ID for you, it might be easier for you to put it in the alt text and the post body identically, and that's perfectly fine! But if you're confident writing one short sentence for the alt text and including my ID in the body, you can always go for that too!
"Do I need to keep the brackets or the words 'image description/ID' in the alt text?"
Nope, no need. Brackets are purely for the visual distinction, and most screen readers preface alt text with something like "Image" that fulfills the same purpose as the "ID" label. It's not the end of the world if they're there, but it's redundant, so feel free to remove them.
"Can I put the ID under a read more? Or in small text?"
Please don't. Read mores are glitchy, and oftentimes have to be opened in a new tab. Accessibility that requires jumping through extra hoops isn't accessibility. And worse, if you change your URL or get deactivated, that read more link is usually just gone for good, and the post is undescribed again.
Meanwhile, small text, italics, colored text, and so on aren't good for low vision people or others who read the IDs directly — such as with increased font size — for whatever reason. If you want the ID to stand out visually even more than with brackets, an indent is fine as far as I know. And remember, IDs always go immediately below the image!
"Why do you sometimes copy italics and stuff as plain text? Is that a screen reader thing too?"
Same reason IDs shouldn't be in small text, italics, etc — because of sight readers with low vision. Font in weird styles, or in a fixed size regardless of device settings (to my knowledge, this includes headings) isn't very accessible, so I try to provide an accessible transcript.
Colored text is sometimes even inaccessible to sighted people using certain Tumblr themes! If Tumblr gave individual users the option to disable small text and colors on their dash, then I'd tell you to use them to your heart's content, but as it stands, they're not very accessible.
"Okay, I want to make my blog more accessible, but I don't feel capable of writing IDs on my own. How can I get help?"
Good news, this is my absolute favorite question! I strongly recommend the People's Accessibility Discord (invite link here, please let me know if it breaks).
It was created for this exact purpose of crowdsourcing IDs (and answering questions about them). I talk about it more in this post (link), where I also describe an alternative if you're like me and have massive social anxieties about Discord servers.
TL;DR: ask in the post if someone can add an image description, and edit it in once someone does! If you've read this far in the post, you're clearly an expert on how to do that.
In that post, I also recommend OnlineOCR (link) and Google Lens to extract text from images and save you typing if it's just a twitter thread or something. I would always spot check the text, adjust formatting, and remove superfluous characters, but it usually saves you lots of time when you might not normally have the energy to describe something.
Lastly, a lot of description blogs take requests! I don't unless I specify otherwise, because I easily run out of spoons, but @accessible-art is a great example of a blog that does this for non-fandom art, and there are lots of fandom blogs out there that do similar.
"I want to learn how to write image descriptions for my posts! Do you have any resources?"
This is my image description masterpost (link). I get a little scared about linking it because it's long, and a lot of the linked posts are long, and I don't want to overwhelm people — so please, start with the first few links to get the broad strokes, and then feel free to treat the rest like a index. That is, peruse it if you're looking for answers or advice on a specific topic!
While learning, keep in mind that different ID users want different things out of IDs, and that's okay. Some people, including many blind people, care quite a bit about color, but others don't, and that doesn't mean either is wrong about the types of IDs they prefer versus ones they find unnecessary.
Blind people have a massive range of lived experiences, and all the other people who benefit from IDs broaden that range even more. Generally, no one involved wants huge walls of text, but some people prefer super-minimal IDs, while others prefer a nice handful of (relevant) details. It's stuff like the difference between "Two characters hugging in a cozy-looking house," versus "Two characters hugging with their eyes closed, both smiling. Their house looks cozy and cluttered, with warm lighting."
Neither of those is objectively wrong, and there will be people who prefer either. Nor is it wrong for you, the ID writer, to make a subjective judgement, such as on the "cozy" mood. You don't want to misrepresent things, but subjectivity is usually unavoidable on some level, and therefore fine. Likewise, you don't want to let the ID get so long it's a slog to get through (here's an example of what NOT to do), but if you're describing a complicated image like some art might be, it's okay to add some details. Just start with the important stuff and general idea first.
The purpose of an image also matters. With memes, shorter is almost always better, and excessive detail is annoying (post with examples). You don't need in-depth detail to appreciate most quick jokes. But on the other hand, art is often shared for the purpose of appreciating the details. This post goes into detail about how context matters, and how longer IDs make sense for art sometimes. It puts it better than I could, so I really suggest reading it if this is something you're wondering about! Key word: not length, not brevity, but "relevancy."
In my opinion, IDs are easiest to learn by doing, but also by starting small. If you want to build up your "description muscles" and confidence by just transcribing tweets, that's perfectly fine — and also, the path that myself and a lot of people I know have followed.
Lastly: follow some described blogs! Check out how other people do it! Writing IDs is an art, and though it has a few hard do's and don't's we've gone over, we've also gone over how it's subjective. Everyone brings a slightly different style, with a different level of lengthiness, and it's great to learn from multiple sources. Here's one list of blogs like those (link)!
"Why would this matter if I know I don't have any blind people following me?"
Consider the cycle of inaccessibility (link). If no one ever accommodates blind people, then of course you're not going to see them on Tumblr, in fandom, or in whatever internet circles! And blind people aren't the only people who need image descriptions — again, consider this post, especially this addition (link).
Worst case scenario, even if you have no one who can benefit from IDs either following you, and no people who need IDs would follow you even if you included them, you're still helping people who do maintain accessible blogs to do so — and moreover, normalizing image descriptions in general.
"I don't think blind people would be in this fandom. I mean, there's a huge visual component!"
Described comics and webcomics exist. Audio descriptions for TV shows and movies exist. Disabled people who find creative ways to play video games exist. People who watched a playthrough of a video game by a person who happened to read out the dialogue, and give descriptive commentary on the action, also exist. People who lose their vision over time, or gain other reasons to rely on IDs over time, also exist.
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velvetvexations · 3 months
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just need to rant but today i found out that the author of the pills that make you green comics is against the use of transandrophobia as a term and i feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest. literally her comics were so affirming and felt so transmasc positive and now shes reblogging posts saying that "pro transandrophobe" people are like gamergate men. im hurting so much inside and i dont know what to do. i just want somewhere safe, i want safe blogs that are affirming and not always debating whether or not my oppression is real. i feel like even though its so bad for my mental health, the only place where im safe is discourse blogs, because i Know what their stances are, im safe with blogs like yours and corey's, even if seeing the arguments hurt it hurts less than feeling tricked and lied to. im sorry, i dont have anything really Important to say i just needed to vent 🥺😭
maybe, do you know any pro-transmasc blogs that do more positivity rather than engaging in discourse? i think i really need more of that on my dashboard
@tpwrtrmnky As my anon pointed out when I asked if they'd allow me to tag you in this response, you've already deleted the post that inspired this ask and you say you're going to address why you were unsatisfied with it soon, so I'll wait before adding, if you would consent to it, my own commentary. However, I'd appreciate it if you could read what's been written because it's very emotionally moving to me and I feel as though it's important for you to hear it. Thank you.
I want to say to you, anon, that I understand how it feels. Similar things have happened to me, which I won't get into so as to avoid discussion on if the situations are entirely comparable or not because that's not really the point, and it's crushing.
As to your question, as a result of how easily I'm triggered I follow practically no one who ever even mentions queer issues at all so I'm unfortunately not the best to ask for recommendations of that nature. I recently started following Corey's side blog where he sometimes does trying to keep it mostly positive, but since you mentioned him you're probably aware of that'n (corezy if anyone else would like it).
If anyone else has any recommendations please put them in the replies or send me an ask.
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lemotmo · 1 month
Text
Well, THAT happened last night…
First time for everything, right?
I have a couple of things to get off my chest, but once this is posted I’m moving on to regular fandom stuff again. I’m not going to come back to any of this, because frankly it isn’t worth my time or energy.
So without further ado:
Thank you so much to all the lovely people who have been sending me and the other people involved in this mess non-stop kind messages in support. I appreciate it. I won’t be responding to each and every one of you, because there are just too many at this point. But know that you helped me a lot. It’s great to see that no one actually believes any of these terrible accusations.
Negative comments (very few of them) have been read, taken note of and deleted, with the sender blocked. I’m not engaging in fruitless discussion and arguements with anyone who is only here to cause trouble and rage bait. You won’t get any kind of attention from me.
I’m also not going to accuse any side of any fandom of this garbage posting. Mostly because I have no idea who is responsible for it and I don’t feel comfortable accusing a group of people or a person of something I’m not sure of. I wouldn't want to do what has been done to me yesterday.
As of this moment, I am done posting about anything else but Buddie or Tommy in function of Buck’s narrative. I will of course also post about all the other characters and the show as a whole. I have always tried to maintain respect when it came to Tommy and the BT fandom. I never used any of the tags this fandom frequents, because that would be disrespectful. Yes, I sometimes gave my opinion and talked about the more radical aggressive stans who for example, harassed other people over many platforms, but I have always maintained that there are a lot of BT fans and multi-shippers in fandom that have nothing to do with this toxicity and I still stand by that. Case in point, the two kind anon messages I got from BT shippers who didn't buy the lies either. Thank you by the way. I appreciate your support. I don’t care what anyone ships or doesn’t ship. Just like I expect other people to not care what I ship or don’t ship. Ultimately, the characters we ship are not real. They are fictional people in a fictional world. It's fun to ship them yes, but they aren't worth all of this insane drama. Drama that affects REAL people in the REAL world by the way!
Yes, I am aware that there are also radical aggressive Buddie stans and yes, I have a lot of them blocked as well. I don’t discriminate on what fandom you’re in. If I see someone suggesting to someone else to do harmful things to themselves, I react by blocking that person instantly, no matter what fandom they are a part of. We are all still living and breathing human beings behind our blog. No one should get things like that thrown at them.
I will continue to post Ali’s posts (anonymous blog I love), but I’m going to ask the anons that send me her posts to only send me messages that have to do with either the show as a whole, other characters, Buddie, Buddie speculation or Tommy and Tommy speculation as a character. He is still a part of Buck’s narrative for now, so I can’t ignore him, even when I really really really want to.
I won’t respond to any asks about any part of the BT fandom and more specifically about those radical stans anymore. So far I have been polite about all the drama, but I am tired of all of it. I don’t wish to spend one more second giving attention to these stans. If you want to still send me something related to that topic, you are free to do so and I will certainly take a look at it, but I won’t respond publicly to anything.
The fact of the matter is that the insane levels of toxicity that have popped up in this fandom have only been here for a couple of months. There was always some level of toxicity, but not to this amount. Like Tim said, it got ugly. I know because I have personally been in this fandom for years now and things have never ever gotten as bleak as what me and two other fans were subjected to yesterday. Do with that information what you will.
Finally, I wonder what drives people to do something like this and I fail to comprehend this kind of behaviour. I sincerely hope that they see the light and put all of their energy in doing something more productive in life, because this is not a healthy way to live their life. I wish them only the best.
All right, now on to normal fandom stuff:
I predict Buddie canon in season 8! 🤞😉
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a brief retrospective on Louis and Violet as love interests, Clementine's bisexuality, and the fandom's continued insistence on fighting over this
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In December of 2019, I made a series of posts called "An Explanation of Why Louis and Violet are Both Excellent Love Interests" that explored my feelings on the topic after seeing a lot of fighting in the fandom over who's better; who is the "right" choice for Clementine?
The answer is simple: there isn't an objectively correct choice.
I compared Louis and Violet to the romantic options in other games, including Life is Strange, Persona 4, King's Quest 2015, and Catherine, as well as TWDG: A New Frontier. I wanted to show how much better TFS handled the romance versus those games, why we should be grateful for what we got since it could've been a lot worse, and how the fighting over who's "right" was a waste of time.
I suppose it's only fitting that I'd be driven to revisit this topic after seeing fans continue to argue amongst themselves over this years later in the trenches of a weakening fandom.
Just when I think I'm done writing pieces for TWDG, some random redditor writes an essay about how violentine only exists for "woke points" that grabs me by the throat and throws me down. Then another will insist that clouis is abusive since Louis voted against them in ep2 in their own essay and I'm dragged back here, kicking and screaming.
While I think my previous Excellent Love Interests posts about this are on the juvenile side, I do still agree with my main point: Louis and Violet are excellent characters who make for compelling love interests. The fact that we got them both, that we were given the choice, and that they're as well done as they are, is something I don't think we appreciate enough. Hell, I don't think we even appreciate that Clementine's a canonically bisexual protagonist as much as we should.
We're too busy trying to one up each other with, "Well, actually, clouis is superior because of this and this," and "no, you're wrong, violentine is actually better because of this and this," and sometimes a wild non-shipper will appear out of nowhere to slap down an, "actually, you both suck, singletine is better."
It's sad that this is what fandom inevitably defaults to, always. It stops being about the game we love, the thing that brought us here, and it becomes a pissing match.
Doesn't matter what fandom it is; we end up projecting too much of ourselves onto fictional characters, investing too much of our time into ship culture, hyper-fixating until it becomes part of us... and let's be real, sometimes it's in unhealthy ways.
So, when someone else attacks the things we're attached to, it becomes a personal attack... and when we feel threatened, we become defensive and retaliate... and sometimes, we take it too far and target others out of insecurity, to feel validated, even if it means going after someone who is just minding their own business.
Also, I think some people are just assholes who want to piss on everyone.
Because of this, I would like to discuss Louis and Violet as romanceable characters, why they're both important to TFS no matter who you choose, why Clementine being a bisexual protagonist matters, and the fandom's continued insistence on fighting over this.
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For many personal reasons, I've always been trepid about being open with my sexuality as a bi woman. I've done a lot of reflection this year on why that is; internalized misogyny, the biphobia that lingers in the queer community, insecurities, regrets, how I tend to be harsher on female characters over male characters, why it took me so long to not feel afraid of engaging with queer media, admitting I was wrong about so many things I've said in the past, how it's all affected my writing, etc.
When TFS released and I made this blog, I had already accepted my bisexuality but was in no way public about it, not online or in my personal life. But playing the first two episode of TFS, being presented with both Louis and Violet as potential romantic partners struck something inside of me.
Yes, I picked Louis; we all know I'm a major clouis shipper at this point, and if you're new here, then now you know, too.
But it's the fact that Violet's also an option, that with just a few different button presses, Clementine could've fallen for her just as she did with Louis; that there's evidence in game that she shows interested in both of them no matter your choices; that no one in-game judges Clementine for who she chooses to be with... that meant something to me in a way that it hadn't before.
TFS wasn't the first game I played with a bi protagonist; in Excellent Love Interests, I compared Louis and Violet to Life is Strange's Chloe and Warren. I have a lot of mixed feelings about the first LiS game overall, but I've been quite open about my dislike of Chloe and indifference to Warren.
Chloe, to me, is everything I dislike in a love interest, predominately in wlw. 2023 was the year of "CJ dives into sapphic literature and it's a 50/50 chance of striking gold or gettin' hella eaten by disappointment, shaka brah." Meaning I've read a lot of wlw novels, and all the ones I hated featured a Chloe clone, sometimes done even worse.
And Warren? I'll be real honest with you- I couldn't even remember what his name was when I started writing this. I had to go back and check. That tells you what I think of him, no?
So, LiS didn't strike me the same way. Sure, I knew Max was a bi protagonist and that's great, but the choices weren't appealing to me. This was when I was a teenager still somewhat in denial of my sexuality, which most definitely contributed to me being uncomfortable when faced with a wlw relationship portrayed in-game, especially when I found myself wishing Kate was an option for Max... but y'know, "shhhhhhh if I don't acknowledge it, it doesn't exist."
When the first episode of TFS released, I was older, I was no longer in a not-so-great relationship, and had better accepted who I am. The first episode does a great job of introducing you to Louis and Violet, and giving you the opportunity to spend more time with the one you're interested in.
I actually really liked them both when ep1 dropped, but I've always had a preference for a character who is kind, deflects with humor, and tends to be picked on by the rest of the cast... so it was inevitable that I'd stick with Louis. Though I won't discredit Violet in ep1, or the rest of the game, just because I didn't choose her in the end.
That's one of the best things about Louis and Violet as options; they're opposites, yet alike in many ways. They have their appeals and charms. They're flawed. It never feels like a "love triangle" situation where they're fighting over Clementine. Louis and Violet are friends who have known each other from before the walkers came. It's refreshing to have two characters who are interested in the same person but don't go for each other's throats over it. When they do argue over her, it's more to do with AJ shooting Marlon and whether it's safe for the group to let them stay.
I can't fault anyone who struggled to pick between them. When someone talks about who they picked and why, it's all about the player's preferences.
It's your choice to make, and no matter what, you're not wrong for it.
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This season concludes Clementine's story, regardless of what some comics will say. It's the last fight. It's her happy ending. She and AJ finally found a home, a family.
I've played these games since S1 came out in 2012, over ten years ago. Clementine holds a special place in my heart. Not only did this important character have a great final season [despite Telltale shutting down and TFS nearly being left incomplete, remember] but she's also revealed to be canonically bisexual.
They didn't release the whole season and then as an afterthought be like, "oh yeah btw she's bi, she has oneline of flirty dialogue with this character so see? we did good rep."
Yeah, I'm side eyeing you, ANF.
They didn't try to hide it. They presented it to the player unapologetically and made a conscious decision to exclude anything biphobic from other characters... which meant a lot to me.
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Biphobia is real and it's not that I don't want it explored well in media, but there's something appealing and safe about a game with a bisexual main character who isn't questioned about it negatively; "You're bi? Doesn't that mean you cheat on all your partners?"
To give a compliment to Life is Strange: True Colors, I had a similar feeling in that game, too. Alex is openly bi, she can date either Steph or Ryan and no one questions the "legitimacy" of her bisexuality.
Because that's always a thing on top of everything else, y'know? "You're a bad bi unless you're with the 'gayer option.'" "Bisexuality isn't real, you're just confused." "I don't date girls who've been tainted by a man." "Oh, you're into girls? How about a threesome?"
Violet never turns her nose up at Clementine for admitting she had a crush on Gabe. Louis isn't ever gross about Clementine and Violet getting close. It speaks volumes for their characters and how accepting they, and everyone else at Ericson, are of Clementine no matter who she chooses, if anyone.
That acceptance, even if it's just in a game, means more than words can express to queer players who don't feel that acceptance in their daily lives.
Which means it hurts all the more when it comes to the fandom's own display of biphobia; "You're bi but ship clouis? Why ship something hetero when violentine is right there?" "Well, MY Clementine's straight because she picked Louis! Stop forcing the gay onto MY Clementine!"
Clementine's important to all of us. Why do you think so many people are pissed about the comics to the point of spewing disgusting bile toward Tillie Walden? I've said my piece on that plenty times before, so allow me to say it on this; the representation of bisexuality in Clementine is beautifully woven through TFS in ways that are subtle yet impactful, and I thank TFS for giving that to us.
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One argument I've come across recently against Clementine's bisexuality, and violentine in general: "blegh they only included violentine/made Clem bi for lgbt points." y'know... as if that's a bad thing.
It bothers me because A. saying "I'm not homophobic *but*-" and then making a homophobic argument against violentine while insisting that Clementine's bisexuality came out of nowhere and was forced is icky, and B. I know I've said similar things about violentine in the past. I know I used to argue that violentine's underdeveloped, yet the devs pushed it to the forefront over clouis to pat themselves on the back for doing representation, etc.
I don't believe that anymore; remember when I brought up people making arguments out of insecurity? Yeah, that and being lowkey bitter that violentine got more dev attention than clouis sometimes even though like... that doesn't matter? It literally doesn't matter. That's what I meant when I said you get so invested that certain things feel like a personal attack when they're not.
Some of the developers of TFS are queer people. They probably wanted a bi protagonist with a wlw option because that representation is important to them and they had the opportunity to express it, not because they were trying to get "points" with anyone. Go listen to the commentaries for TFS; they talk about violentine with nothing but positivity, and they didn't do that to shade Louis or clouis shippers. And if you do think they did it shade fans, then maybe stop and consider why; do you actually believe that or are you annoyed that your fave wasn't the center of attention?
On the flip side, I also want to say that gloating and insisting that violentine is the better/right choice because of these things is also unpleasant and untrue. It sucks when it feels like things are biased against you and it sucks even more when that bias is weaponized by other fans to beat you down.
But honestly? If you need this much validation on your opinions about fictional characters, maybe you should stop to think about why that is and what it says about you, yeah?
Truly, this whole clouis versus violentine thing is irritating at best, vile at worse. Thankfully it doesn't happen as much on tumblr given the state of the fandom, and everyone's at least agreed that no matter their feelings toward each other, clemricca is worse. So, that's something, I guess.
I think the best way I can put this is you don't get to dictate what other people think and feel. Being passionate is great until it becomes an excuse to be an asshole. Not everyone is going to agree with you and you need to put your big kid pants on and accept that.
I'm under no impression that the fighting will ever stop, even when this fandom is dried up with only bones and memories haunting its desert... but at the very least, I can point some of it out and ask that we do better than this.
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The focus gets lost in the fighting, and that focus is Louis and Violet themselves. Y'know, the two this retrospective's about.
Remember when I talked about Persona 4 in Excellent Love Interests and how much it sucks when the person you want to romance isn't actually an option--?
Hmm? What's that? Ah, yes, right- @pi-creates insists I add that TFS and Persona 4 actually are the same because Aasim wasn't an option and they're still bitter about that... but this isn't about Aasim, that's a topic for another day. Sorry Pi, but thanks for the screenshots used in this retrospective👍
Anyway, TFS gave us two excellent choices, and it would've been worse off had it only given us one of them, or none at all.
Louis wears charisma as a mask and uses humor as a shield to deflect. Violet, for as quiet and standoffish as she first appears, has a heart she's both eager and reluctant to share.
Louis is warm curtains of sunlight seeping through the murmuring woods of green leaves and little song birds. A heart carved into the rustic wood of an out-of-tune piano. Music echoing in the early morning hallways.
Violet is the glow of a full moon that illuminates still waters so the stars can dance in its reflection. Paint smeared over finger tips to offer a piece of herself meant to be worn. Constellations of stars named in secret.
They're both lonely people, often misunderstood by the others at Ericson, and sometimes by each other. They want to be known. They want to be seen.
But fear is a powerful wall to overcome.
And that's the beauty of choice. You get the impression of knowing them in the beginning, but it rarely breaks surface tension; Louis is nice and funny but undependable, Violet's rude and reserved and a little awkward. Neither are outspoken about any issues around Ericson, content to keep their heads down.
Clementine has to make the effort to know them, and the game establishes this by asking you an unassuming question: do you want to go hunting with Louis or fishing with Violet?
Clementine either makes an effort to understand Violet's feelings toward Brody and why she's so mean to her, and try to help her through it... or she doesn't listen to what Violet's saying, is dismissive, and ends up making things worse.
When Clementine goes hunting with Louis, she has to make the decision to spend time with him or ignore him in favor of hunting, and should she choose him, he opens up to her just a bit.
Then comes the confrontation with Marlon at the end of the episode where Clementine has to make the choice of who to appeal to. The gravity of this choice is often glossed over, I think.
Marlon has a gun pointed at her head, and she pleas for Louis or Violet to step in and save her. Both are hesitant because of course they are! They've known Marlon longer, he has a gun, and he's using manipulation to scare them into submission; he uses his friendship against Louis, and Minerva against Violet.
But when Clementine gets through to them? They stand between her and Marlon in rather in-character ways; Louis eases in with his hands up, attempting to deescalate the situation while Violet pulls out a weapon and demands he back off.
They risked getting shot. They risked death. They knew what was happening was wrong. They didn't want Clementine to die, they didn't fully believe Marlon's bullshit but were too scared to step forward until Clementine asked them, too. In that moment she basically told them, "I trust you. Instinct tells me you are the one who can stop this. My life is in your hands."
This choice changes them, and this moment ripples through the rest of the season. It makes perfect sense that Louis would be upset over Marlon's death and feel unsafe with Clementine and AJ there whereas Violet sees the death as justified and Clementine and AJ shouldn't be kicked out over it. It's an overwhelming situation for everyone.
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I've talked about ep2 and the vote until my lungs nearly collapsed and I saw the gates of Hell over the horizon... but that's fine, I can talk a little more about it and maybe this time the flames with cleanse me of my sins or something.
This is where the fighting really began, and I shouldn't have to say it again, but I will anyway: There isn't an objectively correct answer here, there's only personal preference.
Louis and Violet take very clear, opposite stances on this situation. I think they're both a little wrong and a little right; they shouldn't ignore that AJ killed Marlon, but kicking them out isn't the best solution either.
As a clouis shipper, I happen to like the way these events play out with Louis' vote. But not everyone feels that way. For some, Louis' vote is a deal breaker, making Violet the more appealing option given she voted for Clementine and AJ to stay.
Do you want a girl that's been by Clementine's side from the beginning and was vocal about keeping her and AJ here?
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Great, Violet's the choice for you. Enjoy the lovely moonlight and constellation mini-game.
Do you want the extra angst of a boy who made a vote he comes to regret and then does everything he can to apologize and make it up to Clementine?
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Wonderful, here's Louis. He'll play you a song he wrote and then name it after Clementine, it's very cute.
While on the topic of ep2, I also want to discuss the episode's final choice of saving either Louis or Violet and the consequences.
You know how in other games, say like massive RPG's with "good" and "evil" choices you can make that end up defining your character? You know how sometimes people question why developers even bothered putting those evil routes in since a majority of people will choose to be good? This isn't a new topic of discussion, but it's relevant to my point- they do it because the option to be evil makes the choice to be good more impactful. If you do choose to be evil, you did it knowing you could've been good and yet you decided chaos was the way to go, and now everyone and everything around your character suffers.
I don't think it only applies to binary "good" versus "evil" choices, either.
TWDG is great with its "You can only save one of them" choices, even if they usually fumble with the consequences in later episodes.
When I'm faced with this choice to save either Louis or Violet, I don't save Louis just because I like him more. Sure, initially that's why I saved him on my first run... but then the rest of the season came out and I learned the consequences of the choices I did and didn't make.
Knowing that he'll get his tongue cut out if I don't save him makes me all the more anxious to choose him. And I know violentine shippers are gutted knowing that if they don't save her, she'll feel so betrayed that she turns on Clementine and in the end is blinded in the boat explosion, so they're just as eager to save her.
But all of us have to live with the consequences of what happens to the one we didn't save, too. We made the decision to save the one we love at the cost of hurting the other we didn't love enough. You can't save them both. You're forced to hurt one of them in order to protect the other.
And it doesn't even stop there. TFS isn't done twisting the knife.
Mere moments before you have to make the choice to save one of them, Lilly's standing over Clementine with her finger on the trigger... only to then be tackled by the person you didn't choose to spend time with.
They just saved Clementine's life only to be dragged away by their neck, and the game asks you what that's worth: They got captured saving you, so do you save them in return or do you remain loyal to the one you chose before?
And when you know the consequences of both routes, when you know Louis will have his tongue cut out and Violet will have her eyes burned?
Louis and Violet are good people at their cores who only wanted to be understood and loved, and no matter what, you have to abandon one of them for the other... and they are left physically and mentally traumatized because of it.
But wait, there's more. The one you didn't save will always survive to the end and act as a constant reminder of what you chose... but the one you saved? If you don't trust AJ, then you'll be forced to watch them get torn apart and eaten alive by a herd of walkers. The only way to save them is to trust AJ so that he shoots Tenn.
A child has to die in order for you to save the one you love again, a choice you indirectly made.
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The ending shows you the one you didn't save, and it shows you Tenn's grave... and it presents a quiet question: was it worth it?
Would you make those choices again?
That's the power Louis and Violet bring to TFS.
That's why the choice matters.
We justify trusting AJ because we'd rather see Louis and Violet live over Tenn, knowing we're taking away the best friend AJ's ever had and allowing Minerva to get her way. We save Louis knowing that it breaks something inside of Violet and results in her permanently losing most of her eyesight. We save Violet knowing that we'll find Louis bloody and sobbing in the cell after having his tongue cut out of his mouth.
And we argue about it amongst ourselves even though it's all fucked. There isn't a true happy ending here, not for everyone.
Louis and Violet stand on their own as great characters, but you only get the true depth depending on how you play. They're excellent love interests because they care for Clementine. Through their relationship with her, they grow as people and find the acceptance and love they're starved for.
It's not perfect, but it honestly doesn't need to be. There was care woven into these characters. Both routes have a wide appeal. That means something to so many people.
I know we as fans often will say we wanted more, we wanted this and that, we wish this was different. It's not a dating sim where the main objective is to woo them. It's not a massive RPG with hundreds of hours to explore every nook and cranny of their characters. This is a Telltale game. It's a narrative with Clementine and AJ at the forefront, and it's up to you whether you want Louis or Violet to share that spotlight.
It's a story about Clementine finding a home, about molding what kind of survivor AJ comes. It's about Clementine meeting two broken people with glass shards at their feet, about her glass mixing with theirs. It's a game about choice; which glass pieces do you pick up, and which do you step on?
We should take more time to appreciate Louis and Violet. We should share our appreciation for the development team for giving us a bisexual lead with two great love interests, especially since we almost didn't get TFS in its entirety; we can hate Skybound as much as we want for the Clementine comics, but without them, this team wouldn't have been able to finish the game they were clearly passionate about.
We should have more self-awareness and try to understand why we like and dislike things without targeting others.
In conclusion?
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I think they're both neat 👍
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anshelsgendercrisis · 10 months
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I appreciate learning from your blogs (both transmasc stuff and Jewish stuff), so if it's not overstepping, I am interested in your thoughts on something. Knowing that the terms Zionism and Zionist are being misused so frequently, I did some introductory reading from a few sources, one of which was the ADL. I've found their Hate Symbols Database helpful in the past, and I was looking into their anti-bias training resources since the school I work for has been failing (spectacularly) at such training. Reading their page on Zionism answered some basic questions, and their Myths and Facts about the ADL page also mentioned that "anti-Zionism equates to antisemitism".
Knowing that you (if I am remembering the specifics correctly, sorry if I'm misremembering) are an anarchist and against the existence of all states (including a Jewish one, thus you have explained you are neither Zionist nor anti-Zionist), I was wondering what your general thoughts are of the ADL's perspective on Zionism, and on the ADL as an organization. I hope this question doesn't come off negatively; I know I'm lacking a lot of knowledge, so I'm very grateful to be corrected on anything I said that's wrong/hurtful/ignorant/naive.
Once I get my recent medical stuff figured out, I look forward to signing up to your Patreon and giving more consistently than here-and-there Kofi donations :)
a little background on the adl: it was founded after the conviction and lynching of leo frank. its original purpose was to pressure media and businesses who engaged in antisemitic discrimination or defamation (hence the name). some of the things they engaged in early on were boycotts, demanding prior review of theater productions to screen for antisemitic content, and pressuring advertisers who relied on antisemitic stereotypes. this was in the time leading up to the holocaust, when violence and discrimination against jews was surging all over the world, so it makes a lot of sense why an organization like this was founded.
in terms of the modern organization, i have mixed feelings. i think their hate symbols database can be helpful, and i think some of the data collection is good as well, but there are a lot of stances they have and statements they've made that i really do not agree with, and some of which i think are harmful. that, for me, is why i don't generally use the adl as a primary or sole source for any news or info. i always double check multiple sources and try to use pages like myjewishlearning for educational things.
the adl is also very explicitly pro israel, as in supportive of the current state and government of israel, which is something i'm very much not. as you mentioned, i am an anarchist so i oppose the concept of states in general, including israel, and i'm also highly critical of the current israeli government.
their page on zionism is...accurate from their point of view, and from a lot of progressive zionists' points of view. but i think it paints a rosy picture of zionism that avoids any of the problematics or history of political zionism, which is just not helpful at this point. they're correct that for most people, zionism means advocating for jewish statehood in eretz yisrael, and that there has absolutely been a sort of "yearning for zion" in the diaspora for hundreds of years. and they are correct that there are many zionists who do not support the current israeli government or who advocate for a two state solution.
i also staunchly disagree that antizionism is in and of itself antisemitism. i think it is an ideology and movement that does very easily and too often fall into antisemitism, just because of the nature of how intertwined the conversation is with jewish identity and the jewish people, and we have seen many examples of this over the past month. however, because of the nebulous nature of the definition of zionism, the definition of antizionism is also going to be nebulous. if someone says "i'm a zionist", unless they elaborate i'm not going to know if i'm talking to someone who thinks that jewish people should be able to live peacefully in eretz yisrael alongside other indigenous people or to someone who wants a sovereign jewish state where jews are the ones in power. if someone says "i'm an antizionist", unless they elaborate i'm not going to know if i'm talking to someone who opposes the current state and government of israel and the occupation or someone who thinks (((zionists))) control the media and the banks and that jewish people as a collective are killing palestinian babies for fun. so for me, the terms "zionism" and "antizionism" are kind of useless unless the person i'm talking to further explains their stance, which means trying to label either zionism or antizionism as entirely inherently Bad is counterintuitive to any goal.
so to wrap this up, for me, an unwillingness to tackle the problematics is why i tend to clash with a lot of zionists and zionist institutions and organizations, and it's why i don't generally trust the adl on anything related to israel without other sources to verify.
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beartitled · 5 months
Note
Can you do some more comics with Francis mosses
I can, but the problem is
That I’m pretty much out of ideas and I’m progressively getting tired of tnmn fandom
Ppl who look at my tags probably noticed that 😓
More of my thoughts under read more for curious ppl
(short answer maybe I will do more, but I desperately need a break from tnmn)
! Just a general warning: this came out kinda long + sort of venty
Originally I planned to do 1 comic drop and move on, but got stuck bc ppl liked tnmn comics and kept asking for more (and still do-)
Generally I don’t mind doing more if the ideas are there, but I want to address this: I’m tired
I know blowing up is usually a good thing and I appreciate people enjoying my stuff
But it’s exhausting to see that tnmn is the only type of content which is relevant, to the point that my own projects or stuff I enjoy are just kinda.. ignored
It’s fair – again my blog is heavily fandom based
(+Tsp were and still is kinda the focus)
But with tnmn fandom it’s a bit… different
Maybe I’m biased and it’s just my negative experience with tiktok comments
Remember this art?
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cleaning up transphobic comments was.. um tough
Again, I get that you can’t be in that neat bubble completely sheltered from negativity
Humans are just assholes by nature really/j
So I was expecting the backlash, but not that much
I think maybe tsp fandom spoiled me a bit (in a good way), bc I got a feeling that everyone in tsp was positive of any lgbt+ headcanons and just generally more supportive
(don’t get me wrong, there ARE problems in tsp community too, taking narrators design controversy into account as one of the examples)
Obviously every fandom always has it’s own issues, show me at least one fandom that didn’t have some sort of meaningless controversy or some sort of problematic people in it
It happens
But it leaves a bad taste in your mouth sometimes
And for me personally it only added to not so pleasant experience
The thing I also noticed, when I interacted with other fandoms
Ppl wrote positive stuff first and foremost, not really asking for anything
Here it’s just “hey more. I want more. Do more. Do this character. Do this. Do more.”
The only reason I kept doing more, because likes, reblogs, views – these comics get a ton of attention
there is a audience to please alright
But this thing comes with a pressure tho
and it shows
so let me illustrate
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This bookcase
Is my shame
Because I was so rushing, I just copied and colour corrected this bookcase from my diploma comic and pasted it here in hopes for the best
💥IT LOOKS HORRIBLE OKAY💥
Usually it’s normal to take materials used in other projects
the not so normal part is
to leave it like that because your stress reducing tea doesn’t work and you don’t really have time to redraw it
my m en ta l s t a t e i s f i n e ah ah h ah ah
Ok but jokes aside: it’s really tempting, to just abandon everything and produce content like some sort of content farm
But I don’t want to, I’m forcing myself and it makes my art worse
Yes it’s subtle, new people won’t even see this
But I’m not improving
And I don’t enjoy just anxiously popping out comics because everyone keeps asking
I can give it my all to something when I’m passionate, but just “hey I’m getting attention” is not the best motivator
Attention like that does get to my head, I know that I will probably give in again and do more, bc I will compare my posts engagement
But what’s the point of recognition, when you feel.. so numb about it…
Sorry for a mountain of text and thank you for ppl who actually took their time to read it
It’s been building up for a while and I feel like people need to know the reason why I’m not so enthusiastic about making “more”
I’m not necessarily completely abandoning this fandom
I still plan to do ask/suggestions event for STP (I’m just making sure I can dedicate my time to it, that’s why it’s taking so long) and I can add tnmn to the mix
Like STP+tnmn kind of deal
But for now – I need a break
At least for a little bit
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havemyheartaziraphale · 5 months
Text
I just want to say thank you to the Good Omens fandom for making me feel welcome, and not like I'm pestering you or annoying you.
10-12 years ago I originally joined Tumblr and was a part of the BBC Sherlock and Doctor Who fandoms. I followed a load of blogs that were dedicated to the shows, but i never felt fully welcome except by a handful of people (two of whom I think of fondly, and one I'm still in contact with to this day).
However, there were some people who, no matter the reason, always seemed to be disgusted with people contacting them if they didn't have a large following, or interpreted things differently to them. On more than one occasion I felt like the hostility they showed me was too much (which, actually, wasn't even warranted) and I eventually slipped away. I didn't enjoy it anymore, and eventually deactivated my account.
And now I'm back, because I had to talk about theories, and what was going on. And I'm so glad so many of you have been welcoming and engaging and as excited as me about this show.
So thank you, especially to @somehow-a-human @gallup24 @lookingatacupoftea @ladybracknellssherry @lickthecowhappy @melbatron5000 @dunkthebiscuit
And thanks to @weirdly-specific-but-ok for allowing me into the discord and the maggot fandom too because you guys are nuts but you're all decent humans and let me pop in and out as I please
And to anyone who I interact with regularly and haven't mentioned, I appreciate you all too. You have no idea how great it is to have people like my #absolute crackpot theory posts
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the5thcellar · 3 months
Note
Hi, I recently stumbled upon your blog and I am so glad I did! While I’m very sorry for all the troll hate you’ve received, I like the sassy way you’re handling them. I’m trying to find the humor in why so many people are pressed and feel like they need to defend something that you haven’t even denied is real. And just because you have a different opinion, they cannot handle it. Reading your responses, and reading the responses of other people with whom I share similar sentiments, has made me laugh and feel better over the last week. I’ve been desperately trying to find other posts/people that have similar vibes because this whole… situation-ship has been a bit much. I also appreciate your reminder that “no matter how good a man seems, trying to justify anything they do is still a sure path to disappointment!” 
I was wondering if you had any thoughts about Luke’s social media lately? I’ve read some points about how messy his social media presence has been handled (or mishandled) over the past year+ and how it did not help with the way everything played out. Also, I feel like he’s either turned on notifs for Nic because he’s been very diligent about liking all her posts, or maybe, he’s finally gotten a team to handle it. I just feel like everyone is in crisis comms mode, trying to wrangle back control. Just genuinely curious because it’s what I’ve been pondering over for the last day or two. Thank you in advance for your time if you answer my ask!
I'm so sorry this took me awhile - I started replying it in the morning on the way to work but decided I needed to gather my thoughts more.
To the first part: I completely empathise with how the entire situation has just been so "much" - it really has. It seems so silly, but somehow, whether or not two people I DON'T KNOW are in love or not in love, are best friends or are not best friends - can affect so much of my mental and emotional wellbeing.
I know I'm being parasocial (it seems to be the internet buzzword of the moment). But let's be clear: almost EVERYONE online - everyone who has written in to my ask box, who has commented, who has liked - everyone on twitter and tiktok who has talked about this - they're all just as parasocial. Because we're all assuming and casting aspersions on people we do not personally know. No one online who engages in discourse has the moral or ethical high ground. We are ALL in the gutter together (that said - I believe the gutter has many levels 😂).
IN ANY CASE - I just want to assure you that what you're feeling is not some atypical affliction. It is normal to feel awful that something you believed in and something you felt happy about is untrue. It is normal to look for other people who feel the same because misery is always better with company. It is normal to feel disappointed even as you remind yourself that men have been useless since the dawn of time.
The best counter to all these sad, awful feelings is to remember that life is a cycle. That life is complex. And although I'm saying this for the millionth time - that life has many, many grey areas.
As a kid I thought Zanessa was everything. Then they broke up, and she got together with Austin whom I hated. For years I seethed at the very mention of them. And after almost a decade... they also broke up. And not even 2 years after that, she's married and with child.
For a long time I also thought Brangelina was everything - you can't imagine my devastation when they divorced and I found out Brad is a complete dirtbag. But at the same time that I felt this horrible upset - I'm sure TONS of other people were feeling vindicated because they were fans of Jen A.
There are just SO MANY other stories like that. I mean come on - JLo and Ben Affleck. On again, off again, finally made it to the altar ... and now they're headed for divorce.
Chris and Mariska - both married to other people for 27 bloody years (or maybe longer) - and still making it very clear they are each others soulmates - and NOT platonic ones btw.
Tony and Kerry - WHAT EVEN ARE THEY? Perhaps the only pair on the internet that has people rooting for cheating and affairs 😂
Lessons: don't let a long term boyfriend stop you from finding a husband. Don't let a husband stop you from finding your soulmate. Don't let your soulmate stop you from engaging in a late, great love affair.
All crazy, contradicting statements distilled from all the above real life stories.
It makes one thing very clear to me: I can believe what I want to believe about Luke and Nicola. Because no one fucking knows what is in the future. They could get together next month. Next year. When they're in their 70s. No one can tell me SHIT about what I believe - not when life is clearly full of incredible twists and turns.
So fuck it. Fuck the haters and the antis and the naysayers. I can ship them till the day I die and no one can tell me any different. Because how could they? They literally canNOT !
To the second part: this is an easy answer and there's no need to think too much into it. Luke's social media has simply undergone an extensive renovation by his agents and team in anticipation of him becoming a big star (whether or not that will actually happen remains to be seen). All highly personal, "non-aesthetic" posts of his have been archived - his posts are all related to work and his coworkers. He has many posts with Nicola because he / his team knows those get the most engagement - and the more engagement he gets, the better the IG algorithm works in his favour to push his OTHER, non-Nicola or Bridgerton related posts to people's feeds. I don't think anyone is in crisis comms mode tbh. Maybe Nicola panicked a bit after she posted that tiktok that everyone took wildly out of context. But beyond that I don't think the wider audience gives af who he's dating - it seems like his personal life is very big news only because we keep searching about it and talking about it and so it feels like EVERYONE is. But if you step outside the online bridgerton fandom bubble ..... no one cares. There is a HEFTY portion of netflix viewers who watch bridgerton without EVER going online to read about the actors.
Long story short I think Nicola and Luke will become even MORE conscious about what they post - but I don't believe there was a crisis in the true sense of the word. And although Luke's team clearly handles his socials he obviously has access to it as well. Btw - all celebs have someone who handles their socials I'm sure Nic does too, just that she's also on her own account a lot. I don't know if Luke has his notifs on for Nicola's posts but even if he does I don't believe his consistent likes mean anything much. I mean...he also diligently likes all of Antonia's posts 😂
Social media isn't much of an indicator of honesty to me ... as someone whose work heavily involves it, everything is curated to a disgusting degree.
What I put more stock in is what we can see - and what we can see of them when they DON'T think about being seen - which is to say, all the unconscious, natural moments between Nicola and Luke - the vibe around them both, and the easy way they breathe and exist together.
That's what makes me such a big believer in their bond.
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swallowprettybird · 5 months
Text
Hey! This question is from an anonymous..
Who inspires me?
Thank you for this question! I have so much to say 😍❤️
I have so many people's blogs that inspire me. Unfortunately, they won't all fit here, but there are so many wonderful people, know that you are wonderful! 🫶
Too many letters below in random order under the cut 👇
@bakersimmer inspired me so much with her story and legacy ❤️ I love her light and engaging writing and storytelling style ✍️
Saffron is just a cute little devil whom I love very much 😁 and Anselm.. keep your eyes peeled! ehhh my lovelies 😭❤️
Also, her style of screenshots and game seems to be my favorite on simblr ✨
@onestormeynight and Penny, Blair and Rosie life and them story, they're so so cute and warming my heart ☺️ I adore their story because it is full of family love and understanding, it is a wonderful portion of happiness every episode :з
@elderwisp your arts it's something magical!It inspires me a lot, I love this aesthetic, and it hits the heart 100%, your simstyle very fine and sm tasteful 🧡 and tesselate such a goooood story ohmhm my gosh so good 🤌
@youredreamingofroo i love your Roo universe hehe ❤️ I like to discover him every time learning details about his life and character, it seems as if he is another good friend of ours on Simblr 🤭 It's very inspiring to know own characters better too) And of course, I admire your renders, they are very beautiful and high quality!
@kuroashims and her beautiful blog dedicated to One Peece ❤️ 🧭 If you're like me and have never seen this anime, you'll want to know more about it after discover her page, and if you're a loyal fan, you'll love it even more! Her style is unique in its kind, you won't see anything like it in the sims. And the way she conveys emotions and feelings with just one picture without many words is just something beautiful. It is very inspiring. Elfy is also a wonderful person and a so kind warm friend. 🧝 Je t'aime, ma chère ☺️( btw your French vibe is very inspiring too 😍🤌 belle, incroyablement belle 💅🗼)
@changingplumbob and her amazing stories with amazing families. I love each of them. Kirsty plays the game with a huge and contagious passion. Each of her oc's is different and has its own story.
It's touch me and makes root for each character, through victories, mistakes, and life circumstances. She also has a great sense of humor! Her game sometimes throws up such funny situations! In general, Kirsty knows how to turn the usual gameplay into an exciting journey and I definitely recommend you to join. Also, I am very impressed with her playing style. And if I'm ever going to play a ts4 (as gameplay lmao), she'll definitely be the one to inspire me how.
@holocene-sims i love all about Grant and his life. This is such a vital and real, deep story. I love experiencing all the happy and poignant moments with him as well. His example teaches me not to give up and to live in spite of everything, and to be honest, the thought of this sometimes supported me in difficult moments.
I love talking with you about him and the family and about Junga, she's wonderful. 😇 I'm always looking forward to new episodes.
And Ana is my main inspiration for my main story. If you see a new episode of Cursed Chronicles, you should know that part of the gratitude lies with Ana. ❤️
@matchalovertrait and her beautiful lovely sunshine Noemi and her family ❤️ I will love them always 🥹 It seems to be the warmest, kindest and most loving legacy I know) I like to read it at least to recharge my batteries with this wonderful atmosphere and I immediately want to create something cute and wonderful ☺️
btw Dulce and Ángel has grown so charming!
@miralure your sims just incredible and i love your lookbooks ❤️🤌 You inspire me a lot to create and remade my sims and stand at the CAS like never before! looking forward to hearing new posts from you ☺️
@wistfulpoltergeist You have no idea how much I appreciate this person and his support from the very beginning of my blog❤️ Євгенку ну ти справжнє найсправжнє сонечко 🌞☺️🧡He is a real sunshine. And of course, I adore him both as a creator and a storyteller and as a dad/mom of two beautiful cats Aidan and Arvin 😁 this teo boys so lovely and hot 🤌🔥 і я сподіваюсь ще почути від тебе багато історій ☺️❤️
@aniraklova I think looking at her screenshots, you don't have to say anything, do you? This is an absolutely sky-high level of aesthetics 🤌💅 And I admired their work long before I started the blog, becouse all her cc and all art is something very very inspiring, she really inspired me to create some characters and recent cyberpictures :h Карі ти просто крейзі в найкращому значенні цього слова 😘🔥💋
@vermutandherring another wonderful creator who amazes me with her skill and beauty, It's just so gorgeous, this builds and scenes are incredible and everything I see there I dream of either seeing in my game or just admiring endlessly, so talented artist просто золоті руки 😍
@stellarfalls people who I may not follow much, but people who I consider my great inspirations, who make me want to move on, develop and improve my screenmake skills 🧡 at one time she impressed me a lot with her story&creations and I am still impressed, thank you friend ❤️
@aheathen-conceivably I've probably said it before, but you really do inspire me in a very real way, besides the fact that your dynasty is more than sims, it's a whole bunch and a storm of emotions, these are such real, well-developed characters, I almost cried a few times over some moments... for everyone who is not familiar with the dynasty of this wonderful author, I highly recommend you to read it) and besides, your work inspires me to write my own story too :з it really inspired me for some points of the sequel and thank you to your blog for that)
@circusjuney your style and story, are some of my favorites, and Ellie and Max are the ones I'm really rooting for and worried about ❤️ your blog is very inspiring to me in gґso many ways and makes me glad to be here on simblr ☺️✨🫶
@papermint-airplane I may not have known your blog for that long, but I get excited every time I read about Aiden and his friends again ❤️🫶 I really like your writing style, it's engaging, light and catchy, I love adventure, so it really inspires me to write. and I'd like to send you a special hug as a former fan of the TS3 hehe 🫂
I would also note @weirdosalike because I can't help but note that I am fascinated and obsessed by her story, which makes me just as passionate about creating something 😁
I almost forgot about @theosconfessions Scarlet is so gorgeous, you know what inspires me about your blog? your absolute passion for what you do!
.... oh okay i need a chapter 2 😣😖
There are many more authors whose work I am just getting to know, and I really like them ❤️ Sorry if I didn't mention you i love your blogs too 🥹🫶
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mesetacadre · 1 month
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Hello!
Firstly, Im USAmerican I’m not trying to be like “oh woe is me,” Im just trying my best to understand what would be the best option for everyone. I’ve heard so many varying things and this is my second time voting, so I just want wanted to know what other people think. This isn’t meant to be malicious or condescending in any way either! I know you can do multiple things at once it’s just that I worry that when I walk into that polling booth, that I’ll be putting more innocent people at stake.
I’ve seen people tell,call,email etc Kamala to say that she isn’t getting their vote unless she stops funding Israel and their assault on the Palestinian people. And I’ve seen some people say that there is literally no point in trying to reason/ransom with her and that she (like all other US presidents) is a monster no matter what.
I’ve seen some other people say that voting 3rd party or not voting at all is the only way to go. But I worry that a 3rd party candidate wouldn’t stand a chance so late in the game. And I also worry that not voting would be a waste of a privilege, especially since so many people don’t have the access to voting inside the US and out.
I’ve also seen people worrying about project 2025 being pushed into place and I’ve also seen other people say Americans are cowards for worrying about such a thing.
I know you don’t live in the US but I also know this election impacts people outside of the states so I just wanted to know your thoughts. I’ve asked this to another blog as well, so if any of your followers have thoughts Id like to hear them too! I just feel a little pulled in every direction and I figured asking around would be a good idea.
Thank you so much and have a nice day!
If I were in your position I would stop going back and forth about who to vote for and start organizing. Were social rights protected with Biden? Very clearly not, since people are already suffering from things that are in that think tank's document. Abortion is no longer protected, trans people are begin targeted across a good portion of the states, the border is going to keep getting bloodier regardless of who wins, etc. Sure, you might argue that these things are not in control of the president, like the Supreme Court or the individual states. So then, how are elections supposed to help? And this is just talking about domestic policy, but the imperialist cogs of the US hegemon will keep turning no matter who's in DC, and you really cannot fucking ignore the current genocide in Palestine, plus the US' entire history of foreign interventions and the suffering that has come from that. You all should really realize the scale of the situation and stop engaging with the US on its own terms. There are class interests to which every mechanism of liberal democracy are subordinated to.
It is extremely unique for you USAmericans to spend this much fucking time and energy on your elections, you can't overstate it. Practically every year is filled with election bullshit. Election periods in basically the rest of the world only last like a month at most, where I live it takes two weeks. Elections aren't even the only or most important way to participate in politics within the very basic framework of liberal democracy. But you're all constantly acting like it's a team sport, always with the election. Don't take this personally anon, I'm not annoyed at you specifically and I appreciate the effort in your ask, but it's so incredibly childish to every single time spend 2 years or more hueing and crying about the upcoming election. Do something about it then! stop hyperfocusing on a single day every 4 years! People were already talking about the 2020 election after Trump won in 2016, that's absurd!
Read Lenin and read decolonial theory, organize yourself and the working class, build political-revolutionary consciousness amongst your class, do whatever you can to strike at the stability of the empire which you live under without getting arrested or killed, and stop legitimizing this pantomime by making it the exclusive vehicle of your political thought. Voting is just a single day, and the run-up (not 3 years!) should be spent campaigning for your own interests, denouncing this bullshit system you all keep saying you also don't "like". "Surviving", which is what some left liberals keep saying they're trying to do (I know you did not say that, anon), looks like organizing yourself and everybody you can to stop relying on the scraps the managers of capitalism and imperialism sometimes throw at you.
Voting as an action and voting as a strategy are two different things. What you're worried about, as I understand it, is the action of going to a booth and putting your choice of ballot in the box. Voting as a strategy, is the decoration and structure so many people build around it. I can't recall exactly who I saw doing this, but a USAmerican mutual of mine who's also a communist got an ask about who they're voting for. This mutual laid out the options in their state, went over their policies, and explained why they'll vote for the candidate they disliked less (I think it was an independent but don't quote me on that). You know why none of us "election interfering foreign agents" jumped at them for this? because they understand the very limited potential for voting, spent a little bit of their time researching each candidate avaliable to them, and then spend the entire rest of their political energy focusing on other things outside electoralism.
Yeah, shit's fucked for social rights, so is basically anywhere else in the world right now. I also don't have good choices in my elections, half the parliament is talking about the islamization of Spain and plans to gut any public service, and the other actively anesthesizes and absorbs any social movement that could combat reactionarism. So I stop worrying too much about who I'm casting my ballot for and I dedicate all my political energy to militancy in my communist party, slowly creating class consciousness and setting up ways to eventually protect our own class from the inevitable strike. All of this while being the 12th economy in the world, and consequently, an integral part of the imperialist NATO and EU, facts that no sector of our liberal democracy even questions. And do you think our siblings in the countries victim of the imperialist doctrine of NATO have it any better? When entire elections and governments have been interfered with not by "social media bots", but by actual bloodshed and terror? They don't spend years yelling at each other about who to vote for, they also organize themselves and attempt to emancipate their own class
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icypantherwrites · 1 month
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Given my last post, I wanted to take a moment to say thank you to those who reached out to me. It means a lot ♥ I don't have the energy to respond to each person individually, but please know that for now I am okay. Full disclosure, I actually meant to post that on my private 'shouting into the abyss' blog where I try to get more of my negative feelings out without potentially upsetting or hurting anyone else, but I apparently didn't select the correct profile this time. I'm super sorry for both the concerning content and also for not responding as I don't have Tumblr alerts on my phone and was unaware until I came on today for the mix-up.
Below is an author's note that I just uploaded along with chapter four of Here that I wanted to post here as well given it's not exclusive to that fanfiction (but to note it was written for an update hence some of the wording) and in a way relates to my previous post and where my mental health is right now.
Thanks for reading and thank you again to those who reached out. I truly appreciate it and your concern.
Author's note:
A more of a serious note now and it is a bit long, but if you can, please read as it’s important. As you may have realized, this chapter is a month out from the last update and the main reason for that is I have been really, really struggling with my mental health. I’ve been trying to get some space from some of these key culprits online (which is pretty much fanfiction) as unfortunately I can’t do the same with a lot of the one I deal with on a daily basis of family and friends and work, but every time I try to come back there’s just another nail there in the coffin reminding me of why I stepped back. I’m a giver and always have been and unfortunately the vast majority of the fanfiction world and people in my life are takers. And I’m just… drained. I feel stretched thin and worn down and taken for granted and to always have people asking for more more more and not appreciating all that I am doing and have already done just makes me feel even worse and then guilty I’m not able to do more for the people that are supportive and it’s a constant cycle. I’m exhausted. I’m depressed. I’m really hurting.
And unfortunately I know there’s a bunch of people on here who don’t care and won’t care and will bitch at me for expressing these feelings because they can only compare what they see of my fanfiction to their own and heaven forbid I dare feel upset about a lack of engagement or thoughtful comments because it’s more than they get. I don’t care. I’m not comparing it, they are. It’s the same concept of saying ‘what do you have to be depressed about? You have a well paying job and own a home and don’t have cancer (thankfully biopsy came back negative) and aren’t starving so you can’t be depressed. It doesn’t work like that (and for anyone who knows even an inkling of that feeling personally, hugs to you) and I’m so tired of being told what I should be feeling and attacked when I don’t measure up to some impossible standard. I’m trying. I’m trying every day to stay here, to be the support pillar I’ve always been for everyone in my life, online and in person, and to try to find the joy and positivity that always drags me out of my black hole before I’m lost to it. I am trying to continue to post my stories even when there’s barely anyone engaging on my other platform and same here where there are far less engaged readers than hits and kudos would indicate because I know how much it sucks to have a story be abandoned and I also know how important a lot of the support in my stories is to many (believe me, I know because that’s how I got into this genre and niche because I needed it too). I was trying to engage myself with readers in comments, find that spark again for my writing that I’ve come to just feel sad about. It’s hard. But I’m trying.
And all I can ask is that if you are a fan of my works, please, help support me. Leave a thoughtful comment about the story/chapter when you read it (you can always come back too, story will still be here). Have patience and kindness if updates take a while. Don’t post comments demanding an update or saying you never comment but wanted to let me know you were commenting now because you want another update (that is not the support you may think it is xD). If you can't say anything nice than say nothing at all (that includes unsolicited advice and attacks upon my person and character that too many folks think is okay to do in an online forum). Remember that authors are people too and we have a lot of stuff going on that you don’t know about in our own lives. Please just… be kind. Be thoughtful. And be a bright light against this black hole ♥ Thanks for reading and look forward to hearing what you thought of the chapter :)
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