#i can handle it on my own. i can handle everything on my own. but that doesn't mean im not allowed to be upset about it. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

agent-cupcake · 1 day

Text

Amen

Pairing: Suguru Geto x f! Reader

Synopsis: No matter the severity of your actions, Suguru would never actually hurt a member of his sorcerer family. Luckily, there are other ways he can think of to punish you. It's for your own good.

Warnings: Explicit smut, dubcon, possessive behavior, manipulation

Tags: Punishment, edging, orgasm denial, overstimulation, dirty talk, vibrators, bondage, orgasm torture, cunnilingus, humiliation

Word Count: 10.4k

Notes: This story is for @laurenzel. I think this can be almost seen as a companion to my previous Gojo story since there's similar toxic motives and means used by the men, but a difference in method.

“Would you care to join me tonight?” was what Geto said to you, smiling so sweetly, so gently. He said it like an offer, or a question, but you both knew the answer. It was the same as it had been since the very first time he asked, since the first time he kissed you, since the first night you spent together.

And you, finally given direction in the big, confusing world, couldn’t even conceive of saying no to Geto. You didn’t have to do, say, or think anything on your own—just follow him. And you did. Happily, you did, thinking nothing of the offer other than how pleased you were that he asked.

Chills prickled over your bare arms and legs when you walked into his room. The air felt a few degrees too cool, especially when you were accustomed to the August heat. Everything about his room seemed cold. It was furnished in stark contrast to the simple, traditional temple façade the rest of the complex maintained outwardly. Black painted walls, a hard floor, and ebony furniture upholstered with dark leathers and suedes. There was a flat, modern utilitarianism to the room despite its luxury, all at once inviting and off putting. The silky black sheets and dusky saturation of velvety vanilla and citrus lent a sex appeal to the room that you inextricably associated with Geto.

“Will you help me with this?” he asked, gesturing to his clothes.

“Yes, of course,” you said, rushing to his side to help him undress. Even though the vestments Geto wore were for show, the articles were genuine and required careful handling. A perfect costume needed to be authentic. You unfastened the kasaya first, hanging it up.

“I think,” he said while your hands were busy, “we need to talk about what you did.”

You paused, turning to him with your brow furrowed, your stomach dropping in response to the accusatory tone of his voice. “What did I do?”

“You killed Kurokawa.”

Your frown deepened, your chest tightening with a harsh burst of guilt. “How do you know that?”

Geto raised an eyebrow. That was the wrong thing to ask, it made you look more guilty than you were. Besides, the answer was obvious. He knew everything. You shook your head fast, trying to come up with an explanation that didn’t sound like an excuse.

“I… I thought you would be happy I took care of him,” you said. “He was causing trouble. He was a bad man.”

“If you thought I would be pleased, why didn’t you tell me right away?”

There were reasons, weren’t there? Good ones, explanations that could help you smooth this over. Beneath the weight of his gaze, you couldn’t think of any of them. “I… I don’t, um… I was going to, but I didn’t want to distract you or anything. I’m not… I didn’t mean-”

“No. You didn’t tell me because you knew you were wrong,” Geto stated, telling you so directly that you couldn’t help but believe it.

“I’m sorry,” you said softly.

“To be clear, I’m not concerned with his death,” Geto told you. “I’m worried about you. About what you might do without my intervention. I have been for a while.”

“I don’t… I don’t understand,” you said. That was probably the most true thing you could say, the sentiment that defined your existence. You did not understand.

“I like to think that you’ve grown since you joined the family, but sometimes I don’t know if I can trust you to act with a clear head. Kurokawa was a doctor, wasn’t he?”

You bristled at the reminder, mentally pushing back on the idea that you did it for such a personal reason. “He was… he was dangerous,” you argued. “He wanted to get the police involved.”

“That isn’t my point,” Geto explained. “You acted out on your own. I knew Kurokawa was causing problems, but I didn't ask you to kill him. He still had value to me, in his own way." He paused, considering you with pursed lips. "If you told me what you did immediately, maybe I wouldn’t jump to conclusions, but as it is, all this proves is that you haven’t moved beyond your past experiences. I can’t trust you."

You bit your lip, swaying back as if those words had been a physical blow, only becoming more confused. Completely and utterly confused about how killing somebody who was a bad man, killing a hateful monkey upset Geto. You did it for him. You did it because the man was evil, and because he said terrible things, and because he was a hideous embodiment of the type of person who would see you locked up tight in another drug dispensing, mind-numbing, monkey hospital.

All you could understand was that you had disappointed Geto, and the cutting violence of his doubt cut deep into your chest as physically as a knife.

“I’m sorry,” you said again.

“Are you going to finish this?” Geto asked rather than acknowledge your apology, pulling at his collar. You nodded, rushing back to his side to untie the obi sash and fold it, helping him shrug off his black yukata to hang that up as well.

Left in a tight undershirt, a pair of loose pants, and socks he was quick to peel off and toss aside, Geto-sama emerged from his costume looking a decade younger and twice as dangerous. Like this, he was Suguru. You weren’t equals, but you were more than a little familiar. Although, you weren’t sure if you would dare to be so friendly with him now that you understood you were in trouble.

Before, you assumed you were here because he desired you. Now that felt presumptuous and silly.

You averted your eyes and stepped back, waiting for the other shoe to drop. The silence physically hurt. Apologies built up like a dam in your head, stopping any other sort of thought from getting through as guilt brewed and boiled in your stomach. Worse, you couldn’t say he was wrong. Maybe you had knowingly acted against Geto, against the family, because of what Kurokawa represented to you. Maybe you couldn’t be trusted. And, if that was true, maybe you deserved his anger and all of the terrible things that followed anger.

“Are you nervous?” Suguru asked.

“No,” you said quickly.

“Liar. I can hear it. Your heart is racing. You’re scared. Is it me?” He nudged your chin up with the side of his hand, forcing you to meet his eyes and the little smile he wore. “Are you frightened of me?”

“You’re angry,” you said, shrinking back. “Angry with me.”

“Oh,” Suguru hummed thoughtfully, “so you’re scared that I’m going to punish you. Is that it?”

Hesitantly, you nodded.

“You’re right, I am.”

Your breath caught before you shook your head fast, panicking. “No, you… I’m really sorry. I mean it, I was just trying to… He deserved to die.”

“I understand,” Suguru said, “and I appreciate what you say you were trying to do. The problem is that I don’t believe that was your motive. That is why I’m upset.” He ran his fingers through his hair, putting into a messy bun. “Do you understand the distinction?”

You blinked fast, feeling the horrible bite of tears stinging the corners of your eyes. “Yes, sir.”

“Good. Now… what do you think would be a fitting punishment?”

You looked up at him in stark shock, hoping desperately that you misunderstood him. He didn’t clarify anything, simply waiting for you to answer. You shook your head again, your mouth opening and closing before you managed a meek, “I don’t know.”

“But you agree, don’t you?” he asked, going over to his chest of drawers. Suguru looked at you over his shoulder, eying you up and down, drinking your awkward nerves. “You deserve to be punished for your disobedience.”

You exhaled sharply, conflicted about what kind of answer to give. More importantly, what kind of answer he wanted. If you were smarter, you would be able to talk your way out of this situation. If you were better attuned to Suguru’s needs, you would be able to give him what he wanted. If you were loyal, he wouldn’t have been mad in the first place. Those thoughts weren’t helpful, all you could do was stare and try to solve the puzzle of his mood. You had seen that little smirk on his face when he teased Nanako, but also when he killed non-jujutsu sorcerers that had outlived their usefulness.

“You’re really asking me?” you finally got out, the only response you could muster.

His back was turned to you now as he looked through the drawer, but you saw his shoulder raise in a casual shrug. “I’m curious.”

Your gut instinct was to deny that you deserved punishment to try and spare yourself, but you held that impulse. You had already agreed that you did something wrong, so denying that you deserved punishment could make things worse. Then again, if you agreed, then maybe he would take that as permission to do even worse. Either one could potentially upset him too, because it would prove that you didn’t know what he wanted. Suguru did nothing to alleviate your nervous indecision as he turned around, holding an unmarked red box, watching you with that enigmatic smirk.

“If you think I do,” you said carefully, “then-”

“No,” he said, cutting you off. “I am asking if you acknowledge that you deserve punishment for what you have done.”

“I won’t do it again,” you told him, your voice soft. “I promise.”

Suguru frowned. “That’s not what I asked.”

“I know, but it’s true,” you insisted. Rather than relent to your distress, his eyes narrowed dangerously, finally giving you some indication about the response he actually wanted. “I do!” You said quickly. “I…” The words were thick like syrup, awkward to get out. “I deserve to be punished.”

Suguru smiled, setting the box on the bed and sitting on the black leather footboard bench, his legs spread wide and comfortable and head slightly tilted.

“Are you going to hurt me?” you asked softly.

“Hurt you?” Suguru asked, raising a thin eyebrow. “I would never hurt you. I don’t think you’re likely to learn from pain anyway, hm? It wasn’t effective for your parents or doctors.”

“But… but you said you were going to punish me?” you asked, looking between him and the box with an increasing amount of anxiety.

“Take off your clothes.”

Your jaw dropped. “I… My… You mean it?”

He raised both eyebrows, daring you to deny him. You clutched at the front of your dress, your shoulders curling in.

“But why?” you asked. He immediately gave you a pointed look, like you were stupid. “This… it’s… You want to…?” You couldn’t even finish the question, the whole thing was so divorced from any coherence you could wrap your head around.

“You're allowed to say no and leave, I won’t stop you,” Suguru told you. He considered that for a moment, his head falling to the side. “If you stay, we’ll switch to your safe word rather than no. You remember it, don’t you?”

Safe word? You remembered him establishing that the first night he allowed you into his bed, but you hadn’t really thought much of it. Why would you ever want him to stop? Now the thought of it made you feel a little cold, and not because of the air conditioner valiantly chugging away in an attempt to keep the August heat at bay. It had taken a few days to come to terms with sleeping with Suguru after it first happened, but this was unreal in an entirely different way. You felt like you were looking down a very long, dark tunnel, like you were hopelessly and utterly lost.

“I do,” you said faintly. “I remember.”

“It’s your choice then.”

You winced, unable to look at him. You weren’t going to leave. That was unthinkable. The idea of undressing in front of him like it was some sort of show wasn’t especially comfortable either, but you understood that you would do it. “That’s… it’s embarrassing.”

“I’ve noticed,” Suguru said. “You don’t want to think of yourself as the type of woman who would strip for a man. But you are, and you will. For me.”

You flushed darker, avoiding his eyes. Trying to keep your breathing from going completely out of control, you nodded. It was easier to obey. You wouldn’t know what you would do if you left his room right now, where you would go, how you would feel. It wasn’t about you, it was about what you had done to disappoint Suguru, and how you would make it right. He wanted to know that you were loyal, that you had left behind the pathetic wretch you used to be.

Humiliating as it was, he was helping you. That was all he had ever done.

“Yes, sir.”

With shaking hands, you unzipped your dress. Considering the summer heat, you were wearing as little as possible. Three articles of clothing separating you from his eyes. You weren’t sure if that was better, making it so the process of undressing wasn’t so drawn out, or worse because it meant you couldn’t stall.

“Keep going,” Suguru said when you hesitated with your thumbs hooked beneath the waistband of your panties. Closing your eyes, you pushed them down. The only positive you could think of was that you had the foresight to shave the night before. Ever since the first night you slept together you’d been taking personal grooming extremely seriously. Removing your bra was the worst of it all, but you dutifully undid the clasps and pushed the straps down your arms. He had seen you naked before, you reasoned. Even if you were disappointing, he still had asked to see you. It was fine.

If Suguru wanted it, it was fine.

“You’re too pretty to be so self-conscious,” he told you in a very calm, matter-of-fact way.

You tried not to shuffle awkwardly, clasping your hands in front of your stomach to hide their shaking. “Thank you,” you said softly, unable to meet his eyes even if you could feel them heavily on your flushing skin.

“Come here,” Suguru ordered. In your peripheral, you saw his hand raise, a single finger curling to draw you towards him.

You obeyed on awkward feet, glad to close the distance. He sat up to meet you face to face, having to look up at you for once and pulling you closer. You automatically parted your lips to kiss him. That was something you knew how to do. But his parted lips only brushed the corner of your mouth. When you tried to tilt your head to catch him, Suguru pulled back. Your eyes fluttered open—when had you closed them?—to see him smirking at the little trick.

“Get on the bed,” he ordered, releasing you.

Nerves knotted and tangled in your stomach. There was something hot about his detached control, but you weren’t sure you liked it either. Vulnerability was discomfort. And still, you knew better than to argue or question. Trying to preserve as much of your modesty as was possible, you got onto his bed. It was easier to comply. Better to be obedient like he wanted. You didn’t want to disappoint him again.

“These are for you,” Suguru said, finally revealing the contents of the red box by lifting the glossy lid.

You stared into the box with curiosity, and then with a sharp pang of recognition. After that, nerves. Dread. Excitement. Blinking over and over didn’t change what you saw, there was no mistake about what lay inside. A lot of leather. Some chains. Scarf-like ties. You were pretty sure the wand-shaped item was a vibrator.

Suguru choked you last time you had sex, and he pinned your wrists down and pulled your hair and left marks on your thighs and chest, but this was different. Dangerous. This was scary.

“Geto-sama…” you said nervously, sticking to the formal address in the hopes that he would understand the sincerity of your doubt. “I’m not…”

“As I said, you’re allowed to stop this at any time,” he said, dropping the lid back onto the box with a crisp snap. “I would never force you into anything. If you truly feel bad for what you have done and want to prove yourself to me, I shouldn’t need to coerce you.”

Guilt and nerves writhed in your stomach. And excitement, always excitement for the simple reason that it was Suguru. You would do anything for him, wouldn’t you? He had saved you. You disappointed him, it was only right that you did as you were told. You pushed the lid off again, forcing a sort of resolve. Your heart beat like a frantic war drum in your chest, and you were flushing so hotly it felt like a fever.

“What’s this all for?” you asked, your voice hoarse.

“You won’t be able to hold still on your own,” he replied simply. “Besides, I think you’ll look sexy like this. I was waiting for an opportunity to try it.”

The bottom of your stomach gave way to anxious lust. You licked your lips, trying to calm yourself down.

“Okay,” you said softly.

“Put them on for me,” Suguru said, pulling out four of the leather cuffs. Your eyes widened, your lips parting to argue that as a step too far. It would be so much easier for you if he did it himself, if you didn’t have to actively engage with putting yourself in a literal bind.

Although maybe that was the point. This was punishment.

Prove your loyalty. You could do that for him.

Despite your forced mental affirmation, the whole task seemed too daunting for a moment, you had a nervously suffocating sense like drowning, but you forced that down. You would do anything for Suguru. That’s what this was about. Proving to him that you were loyal, that you would do as he said. That you were devoted.

You did the wrist cuffs first, slipping the first over your left hand and tightening the strap with your right. There was only one size; they would fit snugly. Thick chains hung from both cuffs. Although they weren’t as bad as pure metal bracelets, the leather wouldn’t be kind to your skin if you resisted too much. Tightening the strap on the right cuff was even worse since you were working with your non-dominant hand.

“Do you need help?” Suguru asked, laughing at your frustrated attempts to get the tongue through the buckle.

“Don’t laugh, please,” you begged, talking very softly to hide your increasingly unstable emotions. “I’m trying.”

“Here,” he said indulgently, “let me.” Suguru held out his hands for you to let him finish securing the cuff. “Do you need help with your ankles?”

“No, I… Thank you,” you said, unable to look at his expression. You could do this. You had to do this.

Still, your hands trembled unsteadily. When you nervously fumbled with the leather strap around your ankle, he laughed again.

“Don’t look,” you mumbled. The chains hanging from your wrists playfully clinked against the chains on your ankles.

“I have to make sure you do it properly. You could hurt yourself.”

“It’s embarrassing,” you whispered, more petulant than anything.

“I know,” Suguru told you sweetly, “but you’ve been such a good girl so far.”

Your breath caught at the praise. At the very least, he looked away to pull off his shirt. You used the distraction to get your ankles secured, watching him remove his pants with your hands between your legs to retain some modesty. Suguru, stripped to his boxers, surveyed your handiwork, a little smile growing on his face.

“What?” you asked nervously.

“Given how shy you are, I thought it would take more than this to convince you to do this for me. I don’t know if I’m disappointed or impressed.”

You frowned with a twisting sense of betrayal, but he cut off your displeasure by grabbing your legs to yank you towards him, leaning over the bed so he could kiss you.

Before Suguru, you hadn’t really understood what the point of kissing was. It was an act of affection you mirrored with others because it was what people did. When Suguru licked your lips open for himself, you understood. Any touch of his body against yours had a potent effect, but the openly intimate domination of his tongue against yours, his fingers slipping up your hair to tilt your head, the hand on your bare waist, it was enough to clear your mind all over again. Igniting the purest type of motivation—lust.

You wanted to show him your devotion. You wanted him to know you were sorry. You clung to his shoulders, hoping he could feel it.

All too soon, Suguru pulled back, his lips hovering inches from your own. You tried to follow, but he held you in place by your hair.

“I’m impressed,” he said, answering his comment from before. “I admire your dedication. I only wish it extended to your actions. I can’t trust you until I know you obey me.”

“I do,” you said. “I…I will.”

“Not yet.” Suguru didn’t wait for your response, pressing a chaste kiss on your lips, your cheek, and then tilting your head to whisper in your ear. “Move back. I’ll take care of the rest,” he told you, his husky voice making you shudder.

“Yes, sir,” you muttered so softly you wondered if he heard you. When Suguru pulled away, you scooted back to sit in the center of his bed, waiting and watching with equal parts nerves and anticipation. He picked through the red box again, pulling out another set of leather cuffs and a bundle of those silky scarves.

“Open your legs,” he ordered in a business-like voice as he joined you on the bed, crawling up to you and readying one of the leather straps. The sudden shift of tone surprised you, throwing you off all over again.

“What’s that?” you asked nervously. He gave you a sharp look and you relented, opening your legs. Being exposed so brazenly made your skin crawl, but he paid no attention to your naked body, wrapping the strap around your thigh and fastening it, repeating the process on your other leg.

“What is it that the monkey said to upset you?” Suguru asked casually as he tested the straps for give, deeming them satisfactory. The conversational tone burst your bubble of rose tinged intimacy, sending your thoughts back to unpleasant places. “I assume something set you off.”

“I… um…” As if revealing a magic trick, he unwound a length of the red scarf-like fabric, distracting you from a question you hadn’t really understood in the first place.

“Or did he try to attack you?” Suguru pushed, neatly doubling the scarf and pulling it around your back. He had to sit close as he blindly tied the knot and the cashmeran twilight scent of his skin filled your senses, you held your breath when he pulled away just to keep it close for a moment longer.

“Have you done this before?” you asked as he wound the scarf around your chest and shoulders with a practiced hand, searching for a distraction from the embarrassment.

“Does it bother you if I have?” Suguru asked.

“No, sir.”

He had to lean forward again to fasten the final knot on your back. “You didn’t answer my question,” he said softly. “What happened?”

You winced. “He called me delusional. He said I’m just a… a bitch in your harem, and that I’d go down with you.”

“I see,” Suguru said, pulling back, his expression impassive.

“I’m really sorry, Geto-sama,” you said.

“Are you worried he’s right?” Suguru asked, his voice so saccharinely sweet it had to be mocking.

“I don’t… I don’t know.”

“You are special to me,” Suguru told you sweetly, petting your hair.

“You’re special to me too,” you said, eager to try and express your adoration. “Very, very special.”

“I’m doing this because you’re so special to me. I can help you grow, and help you move on. I can show you the benefits of an honest life without the petty influence of the weak, but I cannot force your obedience. I need you to choose to listen to me, to obey me.”

“That is my choice,” you said.

“Haven’t you heard the phrase ‘actions speak louder than words’?” Suguru countered, revealing the final trick of his little magic show. The chains on your wrists connected to those on your ankles with a few inches of slack, your ankle cuffs connected to the straps on your thighs, and the loose ends of scarves from the harness he had just finished tying were threaded into the D-rings on your thigh straps. Unable to balance upright, you rolled onto your back, fully exposed and unable to do much of anything about it. “This is your chance to make amends.”

Suguru put his hand on your bare chest, right above your racing heart as it beat against your ribs. “You’re scared again,” he said. “I told you I wouldn’t hurt you. Do you not believe that?”

“I’m just…” you squirmed uncomfortably, unable to articulate what you felt. You didn’t know what you felt, couldn’t figure out anything beyond the intensely physical embarrassment and the panicked disquiet of being bound and exposed.

“You know what to do to make this stop,” he pointed out, his hand dragging down your chest to your flinching stomach. “Just say the word, and I’ll let you leave.”

Suguru told you that almost like it was a joke. He was daring you to use the safe word and stop him, to show him that you weren’t as devoted as you claimed. His hand reached your pelvis and you whimpered, your hips wiggling in an undecided way. Did you want him to touch you, or were you nervous for that part? You couldn’t tell. The feelings were the same.

He finally dropped over you, both of his hands resting on your ass before brushing up your thighs, pressing them further apart as he kissed you with an open mouth. Suguru’s tongue urgently met yours, teasing enough to invite your active and enthusiastic participation. To show him how much you wanted him. Of course you did.

With a surprising bite on your lower lip, Suguru left your mouth to move down, licking and kissing his way across your jaw, following the line of your neck. He stopped there, sucking hard right above your pulse until you shuddered hard, making a soft, helpless noise. Your hands anxiously jerked, but all that did was snap the chains taut. Taking his time, his hand trailed down your thigh, his fingernails scraping the skin, until he reached your pussy.

When Suguru’s fingers made contact with the sensitive flesh, you yelped, and he bit your neck hard enough to draw that yelp out into a pathetic keen. Your attempt to free your hands so you could push him back served only to pull your legs open wider.

“Was that too much?” Suguru asked, lightly tracing your slit.

“Hurts,” you said, your breathing hard and fast. He chuckled warmly, finding your clit and tracing little circles over it, just teasing. You whimpered.

“You don’t mind, do you?” He asked, his lips brushing your skin as he moved down your chest.

You made a choked, conflicted sound in your throat, any coherent response leaving your head the second his mouth closed around your nipple. Electric pulses of pleasure zipped down to your core, made that much more intense by the fingers on your clit. Suguru added more pressure against it, the weight sweetened by the friction of his calloused fingertips. Your hips rolled into the touch, your back arching for every delicious movement of his tongue or teeth on your nipple.

A hoarse wail left your mouth when he released you with a wet pop, moving to do the same to your other nipple. His fingers were truly grinding against your clit at this point. It wasn’t the sweet enticement of pleasure, but a brute force motion that guaranteed you would come fast.

You whined and moaned and shuddered, fighting the restraints. Sweat slicked up your skin, chafing beneath the restraints as you jerked, your body going taut to prepare for the sudden orgasm. You managed a choked, “I can’t, I can’t, I-” And then that tension snapped. It was good, but the rush was too fast and fleeting, fizzling itself out before you could savor the feeling. All it really did was make you want more.

With another lewdly wet pop, Suguru pulled off your nipple and sat up, his hand retreating from between your legs. “How did that feel?” he asked.

You swallowed, nodding fast. “‘s good. Tha-aa-nk you, sir.”

“It’s interesting to me how much more sensitive girls are after coming,” Suguru said, teasing you with his fingers lightly tracing over your slit. “It’s almost obscene. Men need time, but you already want more, don’t you?”

You shuddered, panting and flushed. “Yes. Yes, please.”

He smirked, although you couldn’t say you really understood the joke. Your entire body twitched, the chains clinking, and he licked his lips, looking at your flushed body like he was eying up a meal.

Your eyes squeezed shut when he ran two fingers from your entrance, dragging a smear of slick arousal up to your clit.

“No, don’t close your eyes,” Suguru said, beginning to draw patterns over your swelling clit. “Look at me.”

You nodded, opening your eyes and meeting his gaze despite how overwhelming it was to be watched while he touched you so intimately. You squirmed, inhaling sharply through your teeth, already feeling the tantalizing build.

“What about you?” you asked. “You don’t have to, um… um…” Blinking fast, breathing hard, your words scattered like dust and you felt the same tightening in your core, the sparkling promise of release. At the exact moment you were about to come again, Suguru pressed his hand flat between your legs, denying you that final push over the edge.

Whining and desperate and so, so close, your hips bucked upward, desperate to come again. It was already too late, out of your grasp. “Geto-sama, please, I was-”

“No,” he said simply.

“What?”

“No. I’m not going to let you come again. I’ve already given you one more than you deserve.”

“No,” you whispered, horrified. “You… You can’t.”

“No?” he repeated, his fingers tracing your clit slowly, with the barest amount of pressure. “You remember why I’m doing this, don’t you? I’m punishing you.” He pressed more intently against your clit. Unable to comprehend denial, your body began the process of drawing up tight. “You need to learn to be obedient. You have to learn to take whatever I see fit to give you.”

“I am,” you gasped out. “I do, I-I will, I’m…” Your back arched, your arms and legs falling aside as if to make an offering of your body in the hopes that he would let you come this time. “I’m sorry that I… that I did that,” you babbled, your pussy tightening around nothing as your body got ready to come. “I’m really… really… I’m-”

Suguru stopped just when you were on the precipice again, tapping your folds as if to mock your need. You squinted at him, your chest hitching a heavy breath, tears pricking your eyes. “But I said… Oh…” You didn’t finish what you were saying, too distracted by the slick slide of his fingers inside of you. So good. You swallowed hard, your cunt squeezing his fingers desperately as his fingers curled, dragging against your g-spot as they pulled out before thrusting forward.

“If your words meant anything, you wouldn’t need to be punished in the first place,” Suguru pointed out, although you weren’t paying very close attention, your body awkwardly trying to roll into his fingers as they slowly fucked you. He touched your clit with his other hand, once again ensuring that you would come quickly.

Too quickly, really. The intensity of pleasure shocked you, especially since you were so sensitive, desperate for more. “Please, can I… will you please… Please?” you begged, your animal need curbed slightly by fear.

“You should know that no other man will do this for you,” Suguru said. “No one else will ever care for you the way I do.”

You nodded fast, knowing that was the truth. No other person in the world had ever been as kind or compassionate to you as Suguru. Nobody had ever wanted you, or made you feel important, or given you purpose. You loved him. You felt that affection swell alongside your building orgasm.

He would let you come this time, he wasn’t slowing down. His fingers made a sickening wet schlick as they pumped in and out of your pussy, working in time with the finger on your clit. You were there, your body taut and ready and desperate and-

A wail escaped you when he stopped at the last moment, your entire body jerking in desperation to reclaim your ruined orgasm. As soon as it was gone, he returned to touching you in the same way, vigorously chasing you back to the edge and abandoning you seconds before you could get off.

“Please,” you begged.

“I told you no,” Suguru reminded you, adding a third finger to pump and curl into your pussy as if to punctuate the cruel statement. You were off the edge now, but your body still stupidly strove to take more pleasure. You blinked tears, confused and needy and trembling, your breathing shallow.

“Why?”

He didn’t answer, he didn’t need to. The touch on your clit had you throwing your head back, your nostrils flared and teeth clenched. Chains clicked together when you tried to free your arms, but it was a fruitless struggle. You didn’t want to respond to his touch in the same way, you needed a reprieve, but there was no escape. You were sensitive. Your body remembered coming once, and that was enough of an incentive to try to get more.

“You can always stop me,” Suguru said. “If it becomes too much.”

“It’s…” you told him, although your attempt to seem brave was weakened by your breathy, pathetic voice. “I’m… I can take whatever you give me. I’m…” You sobbed, overwhelmed by the drag of his fingers against your g-spot. He barely had to put any pressure on your clit, it was so swollen beneath his teasing fingers. “Please, sir. I just… Just one, please?”

“I already let you come once,” he reminded you, amused.

You moaned miserably, your head tossing back and forth as you readied yourself for another orgasm. You hoped that maybe if you could just come before he noticed, then that would be enough to soothe the horrible ache, the fearful deprivation he kept stoking to a blaze.

It was there, right at your fingertips, on the tip of your tongue, and Suguru hummed happily when he suddenly pulled his fingers out of you. You shouted, thrashing against your bindings. They all held, keeping you helpless beneath him.

“Please, I… please.”

“No,” Suguru said, slowly pushing just one finger into you. You sobbed when he used it to massage your g-spot. Not giving you any real pressure or weight or friction, just that constant reminder of the pleasure you had been denied.

“I can’t,” you said tearfully, straining to get more out of that single finger like a starving woman being thrown crumbs.

“You can,” Suguru told you. His word was gospel. It didn’t matter what you thought.

He pulled his finger out before you could get too used to it, only to return with three. You choked, your body jerking hard enough against the restraints to hurt, suddenly thrown into high gear as he properly finger-fucked you, bouncing your entire body.

It didn’t matter that he wasn’t touching your clit, you could get off just on this. Your body was thrumming with denied pleasure and you wanted it so bad you could scream.

“Yes, yes, please, yes—No!”

You were properly sobbing this time when he stopped, almost horrified by the intensity of your body’s disappointment when his fingers pulled out. You had no idea how he was getting the timing so perfect, but it was worse than if he was just hurting you. Suguru shoved his fingers into your open mouth while you were still reeling, smearing the taste of your pussy onto your tongue. You didn’t need his instruction to suck on them, hoping that the display of thoughtless obedience would earn you some leniency.

“Good girl,” he cooed, pushing his fingers deeper into your mouth, almost enough to make you choke. When he pulled them out, he didn’t linger, kissing a line down your stomach. Your arms fought the restraints when you realized his intentions because you weren’t sure you could handle feeling his mouth on you like this, not if he was going to keep denying you.

“No,” you whined. “Please, I… I can’t…”

“Yes, you can,” Suguru said calmly, not even bothering to look up at you.

A heavy, almost guttural moan left your mouth when his tongue licked past your folds, tossing you right back into the abyss of lustful need. All he had to do was brace his forearm across the backs of your thighs and you were unable to do anything, your trapped arms and legs twitching, your feet kicking uselessly into the empty air, the chains connecting them to your wrists clicking.

Suguru was good at this, switching between flat-tongued licks and pointed patterns, closing his lips around your clit until you were choking out these pathetic little chirps, your body reacting in a way entirely out of your control.

And when you were there, right at the very edge, he pressed a kiss to your clit and looked up at you from beneath his dark eyelashes.

You sobbed, throwing your head back in a childish display of disappointment.

“You’re alright. Breathe,” Suguru said.

“Please,” you begged.

Suguru hummed as he lowered his head, shaking it side to side with his tongue flat against your clit. Your toes curled, your hands forming pathetic fists.

It didn’t take much to build you up all over again, your entire body was wired and ready. You didn’t think you had ever felt so aware of yourself. Your skin, your pussy, your heart, your body, everything crackled and blazed. What was he doing, drawing kanji with his tongue? You didn’t know, but it felt amazing. You chased that feeling knowing you shouldn’t, thinking that maybe this time, maybe if you were fast enough. Maybe, maybe, maybe-

“No, please, I just wanna…” Suguru’s tongue stilled and he pulled away, watching you fall apart at yet another denied orgasm. “No!”

He casually pressed two fingers into you, massaging them against that spongy spot with a wet squish that was beyond obscene. “You know what to say to make me stop,” he told you.

“I know,” you said, wishing you could cover your face, wishing for some point of sanity here in this lust-mad haze. “I don’t want… Please, Geto-sama, I just wanna come, please.”

“Oh?” he said, his other hand returning to rest on your pelvic bone to playfully tease your clit. “Do you think you deserve that?”

“I…” You tried desperately to figure out the correct answer by looking at his expression, but you couldn’t tell and his hands kept you distracted. Deserve didn’t matter, all you could think was that you wanted to come. “Yes?” you said, hoping very much that was the correct response, practically praying for the torment to end. His fingers slowed and you let out an embarrassing little keen. “Ah… No, no I…” His expression still didn’t change, leaving you scrambling. Your chest hiccupped with a sob, your confused spiral boiling down to the pit of desperate need. “I don’t know.”

Rather than respond, Suguru’s head lowered between your legs once more to tongue your clit in time with his fingers. You felt a hot rush of hope that you got something right, that he was finally going to let you come. Your entire body surged towards the feeling, going so stiff that it made your trembling muscles ache.

And there, right on the edge, he stopped. You didn’t have it within you to do anything other than cry, openly weeping at this point. If he were only teasing you it would be one thing, but he was purposefully working you right up to the edge and then abandoning you there. It was the feeling of being unable to sneeze amplified to a million, that torturous feeling of almost.

“I’ll do anything, please,” you told him, your voice coming out broken.

“Are you saying you wouldn’t before?” Suguru asked. You opened your mouth to argue, only to realize that it didn’t matter. Nothing you said or did mattered, you were helpless to him. You had already surrendered everything else, the only thing you could do was obey and hope for his mercy.

You understood. He didn’t want you to beg. He wanted you to obey. To be good for him without question.

You could do that.

Suguru pushed his fingers back into you, repeating the whole process of working you up and abandoning you again. And again. And then he added his mouth. There were several times in your life you’d been pushed to the absolute brink of sanity, and right then you were convinced that you were going to go mad. But you grit your teeth and endured it. You had to. This was your punishment, and Suguru would decide when to end your misery.

You had to be good for him.

Had you ever been this wet? Swollen too, all of your blood flowing dangerously hot between your legs. It was disgusting, your pussy was sloppy and red and he barely had to touch your clit at all to build you right up to that edge. And it was just as easy to let you fall, disappointed and unfulfilled and growing increasingly, painfully distraught from the denial.

You beat your fists pathetically against the bed, hitting your head into the pillow like a madman. Air puffed out of your chest fast and hard enough to make your head spin, like there wasn’t enough oxygen in the room.

Rather than continue the torture, Suguru grabbed your chin, dragging you out of your spiraling haze. His fingers were slick from being inside of you. You met his eyes through a veil of tears. “Have you had enough?” he asked, his voice wavering with a parody of pity. “I’m worried you’re going to hyperventilate.”

You blinked fast, trying to gather the coherence to respond. “I can… I can take it,” you told him with a miserable sort of resolve, your voice thin and breathless.

Suguru smiled. “Really? And if I said I intended to leave you like this, perhaps to go find a way to fix the mess you made?”

The thought was enough to make you sob. His attention was torturously uncomfortable, but being completely denied any resolution, being left bound and soaking wet and electrified with unfulfilled need, you almost would have rathered he hit you.

But you nodded, forcing yourself to accept it. Anything less would be to reject his authority over you, right? It would make you seem less loyal. “Anything,” you whispered.

“Ah, that look in your eyes is wonderful,” he cooed. “You mean it, don’t you?”

You nodded insistently. “I love you,” you told him, speaking without thought, saying it because it was true. “I’ll do… I’ll do anything.”

“Okay, I’ll let you come,” Suguru said, releasing your face so his hand could wander back down between your legs.

You made a weak noise, your body unconsciously jerking, straining towards him.

It was pathetic, he barely had to do anything, simply brushing his flat fingers in light circles over your swollen clit. And that was enough. Fear flooded your insides alongside the same frantic, hot rush of pleasure. All of your muscles contracted in a mass of sore, shaking muscles and bestial desperation because you were afraid he would stop again, afraid that he would deny you and there would be no recourse other than pathetic acceptance.

“Please, please, I-I love you,” you plead, your voice whispery, rough and desperate, borderline incoherent.

And he didn’t stop.

That wet, hot snap of release was one of the best things you had ever felt. You convulsed, chains clicking and leather chafing against your skin and his name spilling from your lips over and over. He worked you right through the orgasm. You were crying again, sobbing and shaking and sticky hot. It felt good. It felt like forgiveness.

“Another?” Suguru asked. Your eyes had been shut, but now they opened to see his smile.

You just shook your head, lacking the capacity to respond.

He didn’t wait, pushing three fingers into you while teasing your clit with his other hand. It forced your body through a surprisingly uncomfortable rubbery mixture of overstimulation and mindless need. It left you feeling like an elastic band being stretched and stretched. In spite of that feeling, a few solid, harsh pumps later and you were coming again, your pussy squeezing his fingers to keep them there while he worked you through it. There was very little drama to it, you were already wrung out. But it was good. Hot and wet and good.

Suguru didn’t stop. You fought the restraints, wanting to move, to writhe, to get more comfortable, to take some control back because you needed a moment to collect yourself.

“I really-” It was hard to speak. Hard to form the words. Hard to get them out. “Oh God, I—ah.”

Almost painfully sensitive, the rough pounding of his fingers against your g-spot started to register as too much. You fought the restraints, a different sort of panic setting in. To keep your body from rejecting the pleasure of his touch, Suguru doubled down against your clit, pressing a little harder. You had been starving, but now you were splitting full from the assault pleasure.

“Too—oo much,” you got out through your teeth, although it probably didn’t seem like it was too much when your back was arching accordingly, your pussy clamping down around his relentless fingers, that coiling buildup of release reaching its apex.

Your mouth opened in a silent scream, your fingers and toes clawing helplessly at the sheets as you came, practically choking on the hot feverish intensity of your orgasm.

“No, it’s not,” Suguru told you. His fingers slowed at least, and then pulled out. It wasn’t much of a reprieve, he immediately shuffled down the bed so he could situate his head back between your thighs.

You hissed, tensing up, your arms jerking against the restraints. Your clit was too sensitive for his tongue, he had to understand that. “You… You don’t… Have to,” you got out, your voice unsteady from how hard you were panting. “I don’t need-”

“Don’t worry,” Suguru said sweetly. “I’m not doing this for you.”

The wet, warm patterns he drew on your clit with his tongue sent you into a sort of delirium. No matter how sensitive you thought you were, it was intoxicatingly good. He focused entirely on what made your hips try to jump, what made you moan and whine. When he slipped two fingers into your pussy at the same time, you felt ready to lose it entirely. You were falling apart. Splitting at the seams. You came with a harsh cry, Weeping at the fizzling heat of pleasure.

Suguru didn’t stop. He just hummed and flattened his tongue and kept going, forcing you right past that sickening few seconds of sensory rejection and towards another orgasm. You could do it. You focused on that because even if you weren’t entirely sure you wanted more, you wanted to be good for him. How ungrateful would it be to not come when he was kind enough to eat you out?

Covered in the sickly shine of sweat and shaking so uncontrollably that it felt like the world itself was trembling, you came again.

When he was content you were done, Suguru stopped, pulling his fingers out with a final brush against your g-spot to make you whine, your body mindlessly writhing. He sat up, brushing back strands of sweaty black hair with the back of his hand.

You wilted in place, closing your eyes to focus on your breathing while he messed with something else. It was hard to collect yourself, but you could already tell that you would be sore tomorrow.

Hearing the shift of fabric, you opened your eyes to see Suguru remove his boxers. Despite your messily deteriorated state, the sight of his cock roused enough of your mind to focus. He was hard, the red-flushed head bobbed as he casually stroked himself which might have been for your benefit. Despite the sensory overload, your pussy tightened in anticipation of feeling him inside of you. If he fucked you and you did good enough to make him come, then you would be done. That was, at the very least, an end goal. One more thing you could endure for him, and then he would forgive you.

Suguru looked down at you with a fond smile, an expression that seemed more than a little cruel when he was stroking his dick, when he knew fully well that you were painfully oversensitive and this would make it that much worse.

“Should I make you beg?” he asked warmly, tapping the head against your painfully sensitive folds. You whimpered, squirming. You weren’t entirely sure you wanted this, and he probably knew that, but maybe that was the point. It didn’t matter, you wanted him, you wanted to be good for him, and that superseded every other thing you felt.

“Please, Geto-sama,” you begged, defaulting to the formal address because you needed him to accept it, because he was your lord and master in every way except by name, because you adored him and worshiped him, and you needed him to understand that. “Fuck me, please. I’m yours.”

“So vulgar,” he said, sliding his cock up and down through the wet, sloppy mess he’d made of your pussy. “I wonder what happened to the sweet, innocent girl you used to be.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, shaking your head. “Please.”

“I’m kidding,” Suguru told you, bracing one hand on your thigh to force your hips to curl while lining up his cock. “Aren’t you going to beg?”

“Please-”

“No, no. Look at me.”

You forced your eyes open, forced yourself to look up at him through tear-covered lashes. “Please, Geto-sama. Please, I’m yours.”

It was nothing for him to push in. You were wet and eager and it felt good. The feeling of his cock popping past the initial barrier of muscle and driving deeper into your pussy was one of the most uniquely pleasurable sensations you had ever felt, no matter what the context. It gave you the sort of fullness nothing could replicate, physically grounded you in a way nothing else ever had.

Since you were watching, you got to see his expression slacken into one of pleasure. Your pussy fluttered and squeezed, just making room for him.

You gave up keeping your eyes open as he drove himself even deeper, throwing your head back to just take it, to ignore the discomfort of his cock grinding against what felt like raw nerves. Suguru braced his hands on your thighs as he rocked his hips, taking his time.

“What does it feel like?” he asked.

“Good,” you said quickly, your tongue feeling loose like you were drunk. “So… So good.”

“I want to feel you come again,” he said. “You don’t mind, right?”

Your eyes fluttered open in confusion, shutting when he suddenly snapped his hips forward. “I can’t,” you whined. “Not again.”

“You can,” Suguru told you, grinding his cock as far into as he could, pressing as deep as possible, deep enough to make you whimper and writhe. Could he feel that? Could he feel the way you were shaking all the way down to your bones, feel the way your heart raced and fluttered and skipped?

And then you heard it turn on. When you heard the buzzing, your brain was wildly scattered enough that you thought it was an electric toothbrush which made no sense whatsoever. When he pressed the vibrator directly to your clit, you yelped, trying to buck it off but only serving to grind yourself into his cock.

A few little circles with the thing against your clit was all it took for you to choke, your body seizing up with another orgasm. You were acutely aware of the way it caused your cunt to squeeze and suck his cock, coating it in a fresh wave of arousal as he pulled out, making a horrible wet slap when he thrust back in.

Suguru groaned, keeping the vibrator directly on your clit as he chose a slow, steady pace.

“I can’t,” you tried to tell him, squirming and writhing with renewed vigor as your body started to tense up to come again. You couldn’t stop it and of course it felt good but it was too much, almost burning. You could handle it. If you came again it would hurt, especially coming with his cock grinding so persistently into your overly sensitive cunt.

“I thought you were being good,” Suguru said, rewarding you with a heavy, harsh thrust that made you wail. And another. That sent you over the edge, whimpering and shaking and incoherent with the overwhelming influx of heat and tingling overstimulation. Like the brittle snap when breaking a glow stick, or taking a crisp, juicy bite of an apple. It should have been good, but all you could feel was the wet, helpless violation of something ruined.

Suguru moaned openly, driving himself deep enough for his hips to slap your ass with each heavy thrust. Your head whipped from side to side, the only form of protest left to you. He kept moving the vibrator to make sure you didn’t get too accustomed to any one type of stimulation. It was torture. Horrible torture. You wouldn’t have thought coming could be so agonizing, and yet when you drew up for another sharp, shuddery orgasm you couldn’t recognize it as anything else.

“Is this better or worse than before?” Suguru asked, his words stuttered with each hard thrust.

“I don’t… I can’t…” You couldn’t think. You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t do anything except convulse and cry and come. Again.

You didn’t understand.

“You don’t know?” he asked, breathy yet amused. “You’ll have to—to tell me later.”

The problem was that you had no place to think. You were too full. Suguru continued fucking you hard and steady. All you could hear was the slick slapping of wet skin and that infernal buzzing. There was so much weight behind every movement, like he was trying to batter his way into your womb. Each thrust was followed by a whimper or moan or cry. And the relentless vibrator against your clit. It hurt. It burned.

“I don’t… don’t…”

“You’re… not done,” Suguru told you, his voice heavy and breaking with exertion. “Come again.”

You weren’t sure if you were actually crying anymore, or just sobbing and panting and so sweaty it felt like you were crying. You couldn't form any coherent words, or even incoherent rejections. So you obeyed, the taste of blood on your tongue and stars dotting your vision, your pussy burning and inner walls pulsing around his cock as you came again. Suguru groaned, his lovely lips parted and eyes closed.

“One more,” he demanded. “Just… Just one… More.” That word was punctuated with a hard thrust and an especially cruel grind of the vibrator against your overstimulated clit. There was no point in saying no, or even believing it wasn’t possible. He knew more than you did. You didn’t know anything.

With a miserable whine, you came again, although at this point it felt like there was just a long, helpless flow of overstimulation marked with waves of overbearing heat, and then your pussy tightened around his cock and it dragged cruelly against your g-spot, and that was all you could manage before you were tossed back into the mindless daze of agonizing excess.

“Even though it hurts, you’re…” He didn’t finish that breathless thought, although his amused smile went away when his hips suddenly stuttered and he fell forward, his forearm resting by your shoulder.

Mercifully, Suguru shut the vibrator off, letting it fall somewhere to the side, bracing his other arm on the bed next to you as he sought his own end. Your arms and legs fell to the side, slack except for when your muscles spasmed or jerked. Every thrust added to the relentless cycle of too much, especially from this angle, you could feel the way your body worked itself up to come again, responding to his pleasure as if it were your own.

“Geto-sama… Suguru please,” you begged and there was a chance he couldn’t make out that you were attempting to form actual words, but even with your sanity fraying at the edges from his torture, you wanted him to come. You wanted to know there was a reason for your complete unraveling, that you had a real, good purpose, some sort of justification to exist.

Suguru forced your knees all the way up to your chest, pushing his cock as deep as possible as he came, working himself through it with shallow thrusts and these intoxicatingly sexy stuttered moans. Distantly, beyond the hellish, sweaty shell of your shaking body, you had the distinct thought that everything was worth it just to hear him moan like that. Just to be rewarded by his pleasure. Because you loved him. Because you belonged to him. Both of you were flushed hot and disturbingly slick with sweat and it hurt for him to be pushing so deep. Out of all the little cruelties he had subjected you to, the fact that you were unable to hold onto him like you wanted was one of the worst.

When Suguru pulled out, that hurt too. Every part of your body hurt. He left you to fall bonelessly limp onto the bed, rolling around to lay next to you.

In the relative quiet, your ears rang with a tinny discordance, paired with the engine roar of rushing blood. Your tongue was sandpaper in your mouth—little wonder, you had no idea how you had any liquid left in your body—and your limbs hurt from being stuck in the bound position for so long, but you couldn’t say you wanted to do anything to fix those things. As soon as the severity of those discomforts occurred to you, so were they carried away by the lapping tide of exhaustion. You felt like a sponge that had been squeezed dry. That’s probably what you looked like too.

“I didn’t expect it to be so… Difficult to contain myself,” Suguru mused softly. You didn’t respond, marveling at his voice. It was very nice. So soothing and smooth. Perfect, just like every other part of him. “It’s wrong, but necessary. You never learned the right way to live, I have to guide you. Otherwise you could hurt yourself. You could hurt our family.” There was more conviction in those words, like he was trying to argue against a point you hadn’t made.

Even if you were to be unbound, you wouldn’t dare close your legs. You couldn’t feel his cum slipping out, maybe you were too swollen. That would explain the painful heat.

“I wish I didn’t have to make my point like this,” Suguru continued. “But I'll do whatever it takes for you to get it.”

Mute confusion was the only thing you had left—you were barely aware enough to listen to what he was saying, let alone divine any meaning from the words. Your body hurt and you were thirsty and sweaty and tired. You didn’t think anything. You couldn’t do anything. You couldn’t say anything. It wasn’t even confusion, it was just pure exhaustion.

“Ah, you’re a mess,” Suguru said, sitting up. You groaned in disapproval when he started messing with the straps around your thighs, taking them off. Without the harness's support, your legs dropped limp onto the bed. Still, you didn’t move. You couldn’t fathom moving. “Hey,” he chided, “don’t go to sleep.”

You grunted unhappily.

“Will you open your eyes?” Suguru asked, touching your fever-hot cheek. After a second, you did, meeting his gaze with your own dazed, blank stare. His expression was tender, you thought. So kind, so sweet, so gentle. “I need you to listen to me now, hm?”

You made a sound to show that you were listening, looking up at his beautiful face with a marveling sort of adoration. Suguru really was beautiful. It was little wonder so many people thought he was a holy man. He undid the chains keeping your hands and ankles connected, letting your arms flop lifelessly into the sweaty sheets.

“I forgive you,” Suguru told you, his eyes scanning your body slowly, taking in the sweat and the reddish flush and the twitching, trembling of your muscles with some kind of affection. “But, and I need you to remember this,” he continued, his eyes returned to yours, “next time you disobey me, it will be worse.”

Worse? You couldn’t imagine worse. The idea of worse made your eyes sting, panic threatening to crawl back out of the abyss of your exhaustion to send you into a fit of tears.

You blinked and swallowed against your dry throat. “I’ll be… be good, I promise,” you said in a voice that was little more than a hoarse croak.

“Shhh,” Suguru shushed softly, brushing your damp hair off of your sweaty forehead. “Don’t be scared. Everything I do, I do because I love you. You are precious to me, you know that, don’t you?”

Those words worked like ether sweet anesthesia through your head and you believed him, loved him, trusted him. He did this because he loved you, and because you needed to learn. Of course. That made sense even if nothing else did.

#geto suguru #jjk geto #jujutsu kaisen geto #geto suguru x reader #jjk geto x reader #geto x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #my writing #tw.dubcon

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sometimesliterate · 1 day

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progression | aventurine blurb

loving aventurine was as easy as breathing to you, something incredibly hard for him to grasp. he didn't get it at all. when he first walked into your life, he had this arrogant mask up, another one of his well preserved fabrications to protect himself. he was snarky to you. not necessarily rude, but he wasn't afraid to bare his fangs and show you that he was capable of hurting you if he needed to. he wasn't afraid of hurting anyone. another gamble he was putting his faith in, that he wouldn't be put in a situation where he would have to hurt you.

you loved him during that stage. every sarcastic 'friend' he tacked on to every sentence like it was more of an insult than anything else, every boundary that he crossed of yours, every little lie he spun to keep you at arms length, trying to protect you from his teeth. words hurt less than his bite. and yet, you were there for him even when he was sure he would have pushed you away, and it unnerved him.

" aventurine ~ " you called out from behind him to get his attention, before lightly jogging up to him, standing by his side. not in front of him, but beside him. " i know you might be busy today with business as usual, but i was hoping that you were free this afternoon ? there's this new coffee shop that opened up, and i though- "

" coffee ? sorry to disappoint you, friend, but i am busy this afternoon, " he shook his head, as if dismissing the idea outright entirely.

" oh, that's okay ! i'm still able to say hi right now while we're walking, so that's enough, " you chirped, but he could hear the unmistakable sound of disappointment and sadness in your tone, making the guilt inside of him at being the one who caused your unhappiness eat him alive. but the look on his face didn't change, his walls too big to penetrate.

he did find you at that coffee shop, though. " oh, hello, friend- " he had called out, approaching your table, sitting next to you without even asking. he saw your eyes light up, and for a second he felt the warmth in his chest burst forward, his heart beating against his ribcage. " what good fortune that i was able to finish my tasks a little while ago. i didn't think you would actually come here alone. " there was a hint of confusion in his voice, but it was masked just as quickly as it came.

after this interaction, aventurine got a little awkward with you. what was he expected to say ? what did he do if he wasn't trying to push you away ? he was clumsy with his words, often just silently nodding along as you talked, and sometimes bringing up tiny points. he wasn't good at conversation when it wasn't to serve an agenda. being in survival mode his entire life, he had no idea how to be social, much less to someone as kind as you.

no matter how much he stumbled and fell over his own words, you treated him the same. he approached you cautiously, as if he was afraid that one day you would get sick of him and throw him out of your life permanently. was his personality too much for you to handle ? was he doing something wrong ? he wasn't sure, this was uncharted territory for him. all he could do was throw his dice and hope for the best outcome, something that was so comforting now unnerving. he could bet every single one of his chips, every possession he owned, including his own life, but you ? betting on you felt like one risk he wasn't willing to take.

" hey- i was at this shop a while ago, and i was hoping that you'd want to visit ? with me, of course, " aventurine asked, trying very hard not to look how pretty you looked right now, how your smile made his heart flutter every single time without fail. " i saw something i thought you might like. i wanted to get it for you but i don't know your size. "

" oh ? yeah, i'd love to go with you ! " you agreed immediately, as if everything that you were doing before this was suddenly unimportant. " but you really don't have to pay for me, honestly. i can take care of myself. "

this through him for a loop, and he hid it well, but aventurine had no idea what that meant. did you not want him to pay for you ? or were you just trying to be modest ? it wasn't like he was hungry for money, it was fine on his pockets, and he didn't mind spending if it meant spending on you, of course. besides, what did you want from accompanying him if it wasn't to buy things ? that's what friends were for, right ? it was a mutual beneficial agreement between two people to be friendly with each other to gain something from another, right ?

he was pretty sure that was how it was to be friends, but you challenged all of that. especially when you bought him a drink from a shop. he'd just mentioned it offhanded that he could go for some boba tea, and you had agreed, saying that it would be really good right now. and then you bought him his ? that's not how that was supposed to work, he was sure of it. why would you go out of your way to pay for something for him that you yourself wouldn't even get to enjoy ? he was willing to buy you things to keep you around him, but you didn't need to buy him anything to keep him around.

the possibility that you didn't want anything from him other than his time and himself was confusion, but refreshing.

eventually late night outs became late nights inside, and aventurine found himself in a precarious position, on your couch, your body on the other side, cuddling up against a pillow. the intimacy of the situation felt like it was choking him. and he finally got the courage to ask you the question that plagued him - why ? why did you care ? why did you try so hard ? what was in it for you ? putting your bets on him was a foolish decision that he couldn't rationalize. even he didn't bet on himself.

" because you're worth it, " you shrugged a little, the answer's simplicity wiping everything from him. all of his fears, his confusion, his doubts, just for this moment. right now, he understood. you never pushed him out of his comfort zone, and let your companionship evolve naturally. he didn't even realize he had let you inside of his shell before it was too late. " because you deserve it. "

he thought you were worth it, too. trusting you, putting his faith in you even though you had the ability to hurt him. it was worth it. you were worth it.

#honkai star rail #hsr fanfic #honkai sr #honkai star rail x reader #x reader #hsr x reader #aventurine #honkai star rail aventurine #star rail aventurine #aventurine x reader #hsr aventurine #aventurine honkai star rail #aventurine fluff #hsr aventurine x reader #aventurine x you #honkai star rail imagines #hsr imagines

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heart-of-the-morningstar · 2 days

Text

Corruption fic - Last preview

Ok, last preview for this fic! Again, no active warnings here but I promise the finished product will be very fun~ ;)

When you regained consciousness, you felt the familiar pounding in your head after a heavy night of drinking. Begrudgingly you dragged yourself out of you bed and forced your way to your bathroom for a much needed shower. You realized when you glanced towards the mirror that you never changed out of your clothes from yesterday. In fact, you don't even remember how you got back to your room last night, Everything was such a blur, and it hurt to think with the major headache you were experiencing at the moment. The last thing you could recall was falling off the bar stool, the pain you felt in your shoulder was enough of a reminder. Once you stepped in the hot shower, you felt a little better, but only a little bit. You tried to rack your brain for answers, trying to remember exactly what happened after you fell. You ran your fingers through your hair, letting the water soak your aching body. But in doing so, something had clicked. That motion had unlocked a foggy memory. Your hair. Someone had run their hands through your hair last night, but you couldn't for the life of you remember who. It was gentle, soft, tender. But who would do that?

After a few minutes, you stepped out of the shower and threw on one of the sundresses you had hanging in your closet. You really didn't feel like putting a ton of effort into your clothing choices today. Hopefully Charlie would forgive you for skipping out on her planned activity today and let you recover. You realized after that initially thought that you didn't even know what time is was. Chances were you had already missed it. With a groan, you plopped down back onto the mattress, your hair still damp.

"What's the matter with me," you asked yourself. "How do I expect to be redeemed when all I do is sabotage my chances by getting wasted every night?" Your headache persisted as you laid in your bed, you almost wanted to cry from the pain. But then, you heard a soft knocking at your door. Charlie, you thought. More than likely she was checking in on you to make sure you were alright. "I'll be there in a second!" you called out. The volume of your own voice didn't help your hangover in the slightest. You grabbed one of the small pillows off your bed for comfort and trudged your way to your door. "I'm really sorry I slept in Charlie," you spoke as you turned the door handle, "it was a...really rough night for me and I-" you stopped completely once you opened the door fully. Charlie, in fact, was not the one who had knocked.

"Yeah, you really did get put through the ringer last night, didn't you?" Lucifer smiled at you. The pillow you held fell to the floor with a soft thud.

“Oh, I-I’m so sorry, sir!” You stuttered. “I-I thought you were Charlie! Did-Did she send you?”

Lucifer looked at you with a puzzled stare. “Uhh, no, no she didn’t. I told her what happened last night and let her know I’d check in on you like I promised.”

“Promised?” you asked, but Lucifer didn’t seem to hear you.

“And you don’t have to refer to me as “sir,” my dear, “Lucifer” is just fine! I mean, you used my name just fine last night!”

Your heart stopped. “L-Last night? Oh no…what…what happened last night?”

Lucifer gawked at your question. “Wait, do you not remember anything?” You shook your head timidly. “Oh dear…well, nothing bad happened, I promise! What’s the last thing you can remember doing?”

You looked down at the floor sheepishly, embarrassed to admit the real answer. “The last thing I can remember is falling off the bar stool and…landing on my face…”

Lucifer stood there and pondered for a few seconds before speaking again. “Do you mind if I come in?”

“Oh, umm, yeah, y-you can come in,” you agreed. You picked up the pillow you had dropped and opened the door for Lucifer to saunter in. “I’m sorry I look like a mess right now, I-I just got out of the shower and my hair isn’t completely dry yet and-”

“Hey, hey, it’s alright!” Lucifer interrupted. “You don’t need to apologize. You look lovely, in any case.”

You brought the pillow in your hands up to your face in an attempt to hide your blush. “T-Thank you,” your muffled voice came through the pillow. "I-If you want, you can sit down on my b-ahh fuck!" One hand came up to your forehead when you felt your head pounding from the pressure that's been building since you woke up. This was definitely one of your worst hangovers to date.

"Oh! Are you alright?" Lucifer asked, his voice laced with deep concern.

"My head..." you choked out. You made your way over to your bed, crawling up to the top and cradling the pillow in your arms "Hangovers are never really kind to me."

Lucifer frowned, seating himself down on the edge of your mattress next to you. You felt your face flare up again when you looked up at his worried expression. "Can I help you? I can alleviate the pain. You only need ask."

"Y-you can?"

"Sure! Angelic power and all that." His hand hovered just above your forehead. "May I?"

"Yes," you breathed. With that, you felt his soft hand make contact with your aching head. You felt a warm tingling sensation emanating from his touch. It didn't hurt nor was it unpleasant, it was healing. Without thinking, you leaned further into his touch, letting the warmth spread throughout your entire body. Your headache slowly began to fade away along with the fogginess that had been plaguing you since you woke up. As his touch lingered, you realized you were able to think more clearly than before, memories from last night started to become clearer and clearer. You remembered Lucifer had come to your rescue after you'd fallen. You remembered Alastor had shown up to mock you in your drunken stupor, only for Lucifer to step in and defend you. You remember sobbing with Lucifer while he comforted you. Then you remembered...

You shot straight up, your heart racing a million miles a second, with Lucifer throwing his hand back in surprise. "What? What happened? Did I hurt you?" Lucifer asked in a panic.

"I'm..." you began, "I'm starting to remember things from last night." You clutched the pillow tight to your chest, refusing to look in the fallen angel's direction. "Please tell me I didn't actually lay down in your lap..."

"Uhh, well...," You could tell from his response that that's exactly what had happened.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" you apologized. "I shouldn't have done that! I-I know I drank way too much last night, I should have stopped, I didn't realize that-"

Lucifer's hand immediately flew to your shoulder in an attempt to get you to stop you from completely spiraling. "Darling, you don't need to apologize for that! You weren't feeling great so you just, ya know, used me as a pillow. And besides, it's not like I disliked it either."

"W-What?!" you nearly shrieked. Another realization had hit you just then. "You! You were the one that was playing with my hair! That's the only thing I could remember when I woke up!" You buried your face in the pillow once more. "If I said anything embarrassing..."

You heard Lucifer swallow hard. "I guess uhh, it depends on your definition of the word."

"Oh God, please no..." you pleaded. "What did I say?"

Lucifer held up his hand again as an offering, a weary smile on his face. "I can help you to remember, if you wish."

#hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #lucifer smut #lucifer x reader #hazbin lucifer #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel smut #my writing #preview #i gotta stop writing at midnight i swear lmao

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aziraphales-library · 3 days

Note

Hello! I finally have a question. I'm a tooth-rotting fluff reader and I read most of the ones you provided, save for the AUs which aren't my thing. Read nearly all of the South-Downs cottage ones as well.

That being said, do you guys have any more of those? Also, do you happen to have more "literal sleeping together" fics, since that's possibly one of my favorite tropes, thank youuu. I'm ace so preferably no smut.

Have an absolutely tickety-boo day!

Hi! Glad you've enjoyed our #fluff, #south downs cottage, and #literally sleeping together tags. Here are some non-au fics with a combination of those for you...

A Kiss in the Dark by Mizmak (G)

Crowley and Aziraphale had never shared a bed before, but that would change when Crowley stayed overnight at the bookshop to keep his friend company during a thunderstorm.

Hey Love (That’s the Name We’ve Long Held Back) by IneffableDoll (G)

Crowley wakes up with a white wing covering him and struggles to remember where he is. (He is in his home with his angel, safe and loved and cherished, and everything is okay.)

pausing the world to stay right where we are by snek_of_eden (T)

Aziraphale’s hands grasped at him gently, not in a commanding way, more like making sure he hadn’t stepped away. His pooling blue eyes gazed up at Crowley, and Crowley got the feeling he was just now realising how carefully they were doing this all, just how fondly he was being handled. Maybe he even guessed at the thoughts running through Crowley’s idiotically sappy mind right about now. In any case, he pulled at him slightly needily, almost vulnerable. He always looked this way, when he was at Crowley’s mercy, but there was no fear in his expression at all. “Are you…?” “‘M here, angel,” he said softly, stepping forward and taking Azirphale’s hand in his own. "It's okay." *** Crowley takes care of Aziraphale after Armageddon, exhausted, confused, but most of all, safe.

Acts Of Service by LondonSpirit (T)

The Second Coming is averted, Heaven and Hell is leaving them alone. Now Crowley and Aziraphale have to adjust to life on Earth without them meddling into their affairs! How's their life going to be when it's just them?

The Proposal by EdosianOrchids901 (T)

While struggling with anxiety, Crowley goes to Aziraphale with a proposal. Aziraphale thinks it’s a proposal of an entirely different kind. Can they work out the nature of their relationship, and will Crowley’s idea help with his anxiety?

A Night In by Mackem (T)

Crowley meets his gaze over the top of his glasses again. His grin is as sardonic as ever, but his eyes are creased fondly at the corners. “It starts tonight, angel. I could sort it all out for you, if you want?” “Would you?” Aziraphale smiles broadly. Warmth spreads from his stomach into his chest, bright and sparkling, as Crowley nods without hesitation. “That would be wonderful of you, my dear. You know what I’m like with new-fangled technology.” “New-fangled?” Crowley sighs, seemingly long-suffering, but amusement lurks behind it. “The telly is approaching being a century old at this point, you know. Look, leave it all to me, all right? I’ll pop round tonight.” “Oh, thank you, Crowley!” “No problem. Why don’t I bring some wine with me? We can have a night in.”

- Mod D

#good omens #ineffable husbands #fluff #literally sleeping together #mod d

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playboysaleen · 2 days

Text

A Touch in the Dark. (J.O)

One-Shot

Jenna x GN!reader

Summary: Coming from a rough patch in your life, Joy; your close friend finds you an escape and takes you with her to Romania and introduces you to Jenna who is now your girlfriend of four years. Everything was perfect. You had the girl. You finally got to be seen in the music industry but what happens when the love of your life slips through your fingertips and you are stuck trying to move on?

'She was the touch that brought me out the dark."

Warnings: Im from the ghetto so- Violence, Guns, Cursing, Blood, Slight smut, heart break, fluff, gang violence, death, hella angst- all that juice lol.

Word Count: 7k<

Enjoy as i come out of my depressive episode lol.

I did include a song i've made/wrote. So i hope you enjoy that as well. (if you don't like it just keep on reading...)

-----------------------------------------

Rainy days were your favorite but today?

“No, you don’t have the damn right to ‘baby’ me after what I just witnessed with my own eyes.” You spat walking into your small shared house with the small girl hot on your heels behind you.

“Please, it wasn’t what it looked like.” She whispered, grabbing your wrist which you shoved away again.

“Then tell me what it looked like- what i saw was you and Percy fucking kissing.” You hissed, grabbing the suitcase that sat in the corner of the coat rack.

“I’m going through a-lot right now.” She cried out which caused you to stop shoving your clothing from your shared bedroom. You waited for her to make her way into the room but she stopped at the door with her eyes focused on her shoes.

“I told you that you could come to me if there was something on your chest. We communicate, but you go to someone who is obvious on what the hell he wants with you.” mumbling the last few words you continued to shove a few shirts from the closet into the suitcase now.

“What was so upsetting to you that made you let four years of our relationship go down the drain??” raising your voice now that the truth dawned on you. “Was it when I broke your favorite vase?” you pushed, grabbing a handful of your shirts that hung in the closet tossing them onto the bedroom floor. “Or the time I was home drunk when you missed our anniversary?” You grabbed a pair of shoes and threw them against the suitcase. From the corner of your eye, the small girl fumbled with her fingers now shaking in tears.

“OR MAYBE that time I didn't take Zero out to use the restroom and he pissed on your Prada shoes that you were going to wear for the sudden meeting with Percy?” You grabbed your laptop bag tossing it onto the bed,

“Or when-

“I DON”T KNOW IF I LOVE YOU ANYMORE”

You froze. The drumming of your heart could be heart miles away. The rain droplets hit the window as if they were mocking the way your eyes swelled with tears. You inhaled sharply trying your best to keep this mask on for as long as you can. Nodding, you grabbed your phone sending a quick message to the first person that popped in your mind and started packing everything into your suitcase.

“Could you please just say something?” She pleaded through her cries. Ignoring her, you finished and made your way to the living room grabbing your guitar from your stand taking one last look at the small girl in front of you.

“All I needed was communication and I would have understood, but here we are.” You laughed out the last few words as the tears started to mimic the rainfall that smacked harder against the roof. The smaller girl crashed into your arms, wrapping tight, afraid you'd disappear in a matter of seconds. Tilting your head up to the ceiling you swore you could see the memories of you two playing over and over. Gently grabbing her arms, you untangled yourself, keeping your eyes on the door. Should you leave? Should you stay and talk? Unfortunately, the little you on your left shoulder won. Grabbing the door handle, you swung the door open taking one last look at the girl that is now on her knees sobbing.

“I wish this could be different, but I know deep down this would all be the same outcome…I’m sorry Jenna.” and with that you walked away. Closing a door you thought you’d never open again.

Six Months Later

“Can you just shut the fuck up for one second?” You growled out slapping a hand over your eyes shielding the light coming from the window that your roommate opened.

“Sorry dear, I cannot. Now get your ass in the studio and start on that song you gotta finish.” Joy spoke, pulling the blankets off your body then proceeding to clean up the liquor bottles from the floor.

“I heard Wednesday is getting a Season 2.” You started, Joy turned to face you which you quickly waved your hand sending her a small smile. “It’s okay, luckily we stayed in Romania huh?” you added which a sigh of relief slipped her lips. A box was placed in front of you where you glanced at her expression. You quickly waved your finger at her shaking your head.

“No. Take it back.” You mumbled, hopping off the bed walking to your closet grabbing clothes then making your way to the bathroom pointing your finger at Joy once more.

“Oh come on, it’s been six months. Not only is my team tired of talking to you through me…your fans miss you. Everyone still thinks you died even though I literally post with you everyday.” Joy pleaded, placing the box on your bed pointing back at you. You let out a loud dramatic groan closing the door, placing your hands against the edge of the sink. You stared at your reflection in the mirror, locking with the small scar that slightly hid behind the fresh ink along your chest. Running your left hand over the new tattoos you got a few weeks back that covered most of your neck, back, chest and arms. You were art. You are a masterpiece. Shaking out the memories that flooded your mind, you hopped into the shower starting your day.

- - - - - - - - - - -

“The lyrics are amazing, just start from the top and for the love of god! Let me start the damn live!” Joy yelled from the other side of the studio. You sent her the finger then a thumbs up. The instrumental started to play in your headphones while you sent a glance at the screen that sat next to you showing the live stream of your fans going crazy.

I gave what you wanted,

Love and all my attention,

But you broke me and strayed away..

“Babe! You won't believe what Percy pulled on Emma, funniest prank ever!” Jennas small voice was heard from the front door. You kept your eyes on the guitar strings that you quietly played letting her words echo to the back of your mind.

“Why are you dressed?” She asked, stopping midway from the kitchen and living room. Your fingers stopped finally looking up at the small woman, you stood placing the instrument on its stand undoing your tie. You shook your head taking the small box from the table, shoving inside your pocket and placing the bouquet of roses on the coffee table. “I am glad you had a good time with the crew. I am going to wash up and call it a night. Goodnight and Happy Anniversary.”

I heard from an acquaintance,

That you lose all your patience,

And decided with him you’ll stay.

“Y/n? Please tell me you’re here…” Joy yelled from the front door hearing her light footsteps running to your room. You laid your head against the wall as you hugged your knees. Joy bursted through the door finally catching your fatigue figure in the corner of your dimmed room. Arms were wrapped around you and you lost it. You let go.

“It’s okay, let it out. You’re okay.” She whispered into your ear, your hands gripped her shirt tighter as your sobs grew louder. Your smashed phone flickered with the instagram post of Jenna in Percy's arms with the smile you knew too well.

It was too late. You knew it was him all along.

But your love,

Hits me like a ray of pain.

And your love,

Drowns me in vain like the waves..

No lifeboat, No vest.

I have to love whatever of you I have left…

And your love,

Drowns me in vain like the waves…

Finishing the song, you open your eyes to see Joy dancing around behind the glass which brought a smile to your face. You noticed a few unknown faces in the engineering room that you never saw before. You tapped the screen ending the live then making your way out the booth to Joy.

“I didn’t know I would be performing for a crowd,” you joked, extending your hand out to one of the men that quickly copied your actions. You greeted each man then stood next to Joy.

“The main guy you need to meet should be up here any second.” the man that wore a suit that screamed money spoke, sending you a warm smile. The door opened and when you turned your head to the new face you swore you saw a ghost.

“You’re Y/n right? I heard so much about you from my girl Joy!” He smiled, you stood frozen processing the man standing in front of you. It was Brent fucking Faiyaz. You extended your hand which he laughed pulling you into a dap/hug. Pulling away, you glanced at joy toying with the engineering computer pointing at the booth which you smiled at.

“So, let's make some music shall we?”

After a few hours of making a few beats, you gently spun on your chair humming melodies while Brent sat next to you nodding along to the beat that was playing.

“Can you spit?” Brent spoke out cutting you from your thoughts, you laughed softly, “not really, i never-” Joy entered the studio with snacks sending you a look- “They can.” Brent laughed, pulling out his phone, sending a few more beats to the studio computer.

“If you want me to be honest,-” you broke the silence standing up from your seat, Brent leaned back in his chair waiting as Joy sent you a small nod. “I don’t want to write my pain in one whole song, I want to throw a little in each one that I write. I want to express not only my side of what I went through but what I feel I was seen on the other…if that makes sense.” Brent's eyes widened and you swore you saw a light bulb go off on top of his head. He pressed his index finger on the space bar, dragging you along with him to the booth while the song started to play.

It ain't the time, for you to walk

If i won't let go

I can tell, that aint what you want

But it's like you can't let it show.

Brent began to sing his lyrics while you closed your eyes, soaking in the lyrics, generating your own. After his lyrics came to an end, you started-

Girl, i’ve tried again and again,

To give you all of me, but you deny

“Girl that aint right” Brent harmonized with your voice which you rushed to the booth restarting your verse and starting where you left off. Brent took a seat next to you on the second mic nodding his way to joy which with no hesitation she pressed play.

And i chose you, cause you’re all i need,

And you chose that man, but that man aint me.

So don’t call my phone, acting like you care

I done made my move, I know life aint fair.

Brent started the chorus and you decided to harmonize and add your own ad-libs. Brent looked your way sending a thumbs up, you sent him a nod then turned your gaze to Joy which she again, was jumping around in the engineering room. You glanced at the Ipad on the stand to see the live stream going and one comment stood out-

“Whoever they’re singing about should be ready to see their face everywhere.”

It was like that comment was true. Here you are two weeks later on a flight with Joy and with a last minute invitation; Letitia. Yes. Shuri- THE black panther. And yes, you did break your neck to look around to see if Michael was with her but to your luck he was not. You did get a DM from him a day later when you landed in LA. A small “My bad on not being able to join you guys on the LA vacay, I’ll try my best to see if i can make it. Best of luck bro!”

Honesty? A DM? When you started he did reach out and you both talked for a bit before he was pulled for another movie. That was all you needed to realize that you are getting buzz. You are no longer a shadow. Hiding behind someone who welcomed all the shine, but the way you held onto Jenna made you feel like you were touching the sun. She was your star, but sometimes the sun can be harmful. You were burning but the warmth and abliss you felt from the pain had you blinded.

“Okay you two, let's get the work out the way and we can make our way to the splurging.” You joked, making your way down the stairs of the jet Letitia happens to own. You opened the door for the women then followed behind them into the car.

“So how does it feel to be in LA?” Joy asked, rolling her window down letting the dusk air run along her arm. Letitia nodded along with Joy, mindlessly scrolling through her TikTok.

You hummed softly playing with your highschool ring then looking around at the scenery in awe.

“This is actually my first time in LA.” Both pairs of eyes widen at your answer.

“You never been to LA? What about New York?” You shook your head,

“Just to Romania. Born and raised in Texas.” Letitia rolled her eyes leaning over to the driver showing him the new address which caused you to furrow your eyebrows. What are they up to?

“So, your first collaboration is actually here in LA and she just sent me the address.” You nodded, awaiting who it would be, “How do you feel about SZA?” Your eyes almost popped out of your head. Breathlessly laughing, you nodded again but with A LOT more energy.

“For the love of god! Please don’t turn into a tomato!”

Damn Joy.

But a tomato you were.

“Can you stop looking like you’re constipated?” Joy whispered to you. Looking up from your phone you sent her the bird but quickly shoving your hand into your jacket pocket when SZA walked into the studio.

“I love your lyrics Y/N,”

You only nodded, glancing at the two knuckleheads going back and forth while you sat against the high chair playing with the Audio chord.

“Let's start then.” Whispering, SZA sent you a smile sending a nod to Joy as she pressed play. You shuffled to the side grabbing the other mic stand starting your verse,

I'll touch that fire for you

I do that three four times again, I testify for you

I told that lie, I'd kill that- mmmh..

You softly scoffed in the mic sending a shy smile to SZA continuing your verse. Joy eyed your body language as a small laugh made its way out her mouth. “They’re slowly coming back, it makes my heart happy that they finally get to express how they feel.” Letitia chuckled leaning against the desk glancing every now and then at the live stream that saw you and SZA nodding and swaying to the music.

“So when are you going to tell them?” Letitia asked. Joy hummed, shaking her head,

“Percy knows what he is doing and I am scared that he will try to get under their skin to get them to break.” Joy answered as she edited the EQ on your voice then glanced at Letitia. “They know. They just do not want to say anything. Y/n is still trying to open up about everything, so let's give them time.” Letitia nodded at her response, going back to listening to you and SZA.

I do what all of them around you scared to do, I'm not

Long as you juggin' out here for me, I got it

Mobbin', schemin', lootin', hide your bodies

Long as you dreamin' 'bout me, ain't no problem

I don't got nobody, just with you right now

Tell the truth, I look better under you

Sza started her hook which caught you by surprise, a huge smile plastered on your face when she placed her hand on your arm. She closed her eyes, finishing the hook which did leave you blown away. She went and dived right into her verse and the hook again.

In the droptop ride with you, I feel like Scarface (Scarface)

Like that white bitch with the bob, I'll be your main one (main one)

Let's take this argument back up to place

Sex remind you, I'm nonviolent, I'm your day one

We ain't had shit, yeah, it was magic, yeah

Smash and grab shit, yeah

Nasty habits take a hold when you not here

Ain't a home when you not here

Hard to grow when you not here, I'm sayin'

I can't lose when I'm with you

How can I snooze and miss the moment?

You just too important

Nobody do body like you do

I can't lose when I'm with you

How can I snooze and miss the moment?

You just too important

Nobody do body like you do, you do

You signaled Joy to keep the track going when a idea popped into your head,

Main one ridin'

How you frontin' on me and I'm the main one tryin'?

How you blame it on me and you the main one lyin'?

How you threatenin' to leave and I'm the main one cryin'?

Just tryna be your everything

Main one ridin'

How you frontin' on me and I'm the main one tryin'?

How you blame it on me and you the main one lyin'?

How you threatenin' to leave and I'm the main one cryin'?

SZA leaned into the mic singing the hook. You nodded along adding faint back vocals which Joy was right on top of. Once the song ended you glanced at the Ipad noticing a comment that made a lump form in your throat.

Jenna joined Y/n’s live? My life is complete.

SZA rammed into your body which to your instincts held her waist as she squealed swaying you both side to side. You laughed lightly pulling back locking eyes with SZA. “WE DID IT!�� you nodded at her excited outburst. “We did, you were amazing.” now she was quiet looking between your eyes.

“You have beautiful eyes, and your nose is cute and-”

“Ohhhkay, SZA girl, you are a little too close to my lova!” Letitia spoke into the mic which caused SZA to shuffle back sending a playful glare at the two girls giggling. “Better cuff 'em now or I’m gonna have to take matters into my own hands!” SZA joked back that you stood frozen and for sure looking like a tomato. SZA looked back at you, satisfied with the reaction she got out of you. She leaned forward placing a kiss on your cheek walking out the booth. You glanced at the screen seeing too many hearts flying around. You chuckled, rubbing the back of your neck.

“Please know my loves, my safe word is Pineapples and well… I'm really close to screaming Pina Colada.” Laughing emojis popped up and a name popped up with a blue check-

Proud of you.

You hummed, eyeing the comment then moving back, making your way out the booth leaning against the desk next to Letitia. You whispered a ‘thanks’ to her which she lightly bumped her shoulder against yours nodding. “You know I got you.”

“Alright, let's see their engineering skills Joy!” SZA hollered from the far end of the studio. She laid on the couch typing her way on her phone. You took a few steps into the studio grabbing the guitar playing a few chords. Why was she on your live? It's been months since you’ve spoken to her and you can’t shake this fire feeling in your chest that comes around when she's mentioned. Was it resentment? Anger? Unbagged feelings?

“You just finished a song and you're already making another?” Letitia's voice brought you back from your thoughts when she took a seat next to you. Shrugging your shoulders, you continued to play the chords whispering a few lyrics.

“She was my source of happiness and now that she is gone? This is all I have left.” You answered by playing a few more chords then placing the guitar next to you. You leaned your head on Leititas shoulder sighing softly. “Are you ready for tonight?” She whispered back, you nodded sliding your phone out your pocket answering Micheal back from his simple ‘WYD’ DM.

“I invited my two homies in case anything pops off, they can handle it.” Leitia playfully scoffed, bumping your shoulder. “I don’t think anything will go in that route tonight, I forget how you grew up; Jenna really took you out the hood huh?” You huffed rolling your eyes as a small smile crept onto your face.

“It was a nightmare, but here we are. Oh, Rome and Jay are on the way to the AirBnb. Let's scoop them up and we’ll go on that shopping spree I promised.” Letitia snorted, hopping up pulling you with her. You both made your way out the booth into the studio joining in on Joy’s and SZA conversation.

*time skip*

“You take longer than a whole female bro.” Jay gasped, dramatically placed his hand on his chest. Romeo snorted, draping his arm over your shoulder placing all his weight onto you which caused the both of you to fall over the couch. “Get. off.” Laughing loudly, you rolled away from the boy mirroring your actions falling into a boxing stance.

“I don’t see why you even try, they in that southpaw stance. You gonna get fu-” Jays words were shoved right back in his mouth when Rome hunched over holding his stomach. You hopped around smirking at the boy below you trying to catch his breath.

“Should have listened to Jay.” You giggled when Rome rushed your way but missed terribly when you dodged his action sending him into the arm of the couch.

“Alright you animals, let's go.” Joy yelled from upstairs coming down with Letitia by her side. Jay leaned against the bar flashing his pearly whites, “Have I told you that our kids will be the most beautiful mixed kids on this planet?” Joy rolled her eyes passing the tall boy as you sent a smack towards the boy's head. You all giggled heading down to the rental car.

*Time Skip*

You casually lean back on the comfortable seat watching Joy and Letitia try on different clothing. Jay and Rome both were sprawled out on the bigger couch in the corner, Joy giggled at something Letitia whispered which you mindlessly ignored and kept aware of your surroundings.

“If you don’t relax and come try on this outfit i swear.” Joy spoke which snapped you out of your thoughts. Shrugging your shoulders, you went back to eyeing the patterns on the wall. Jay eyed your body language while Rome laid his head against Jay snoring softly.

“Y/m/n.” Joy warned. Rome jumped out of his sleep searching for the voice when he saw you sink deeper into your chair. Jay snorted, shaking his head. “She is middle naming you now, I think you should try it on.” You rolled your eyes,hopping out your seat walking to the dressing room trying on the outfit. Sighing at your reflection, you walked out awaiting for the girl's answers.

“Yea, no. Take it off.” Joy mumbled eyeing the pants you wore. You dragged your feet back into the dressing room changing into your regular clothes. A voice was heard outside the door which you quickly buttoned up your jeans peeking your head out the door. A bright smile plastered your face when you saw who it was.

“What's up homie!” jogging to the man, you pulled him into a hug laughing softly. “Micheal B Jordan! Who knew he would come kick it with a youngin.” he laughed holding his hands up, “I see potential and your vibe is amazing, need you around homie!” You playfully scoffed, shaking your head pulling him in for another hug.

“Since you are here, get this flea a fit before I lose my mind.” Joy joked pushing you both out the dressing room area out the store. Micheal said his ‘hellos’ to Jay and Rome then threw his arm over your shoulder.

“We gon’ give them something to look at.” MB jokes, dragging you out of the store and down the street into a streetwear store. A smile crept on your face when you see the shoes come into view. “Now this is me.”

*SkipTime*

It was way more better shopping with the guys and no, not meaning the girls were annoying it was more of a get in and out gameplay. Jay hummed at your outfit as you walked out your bedroom, “You look like you’re about to go steal a lot of wives” You snorted at his comment fixing your collar to your thin shirt. You shook your foot feeling the tightness of the dress shoe which you were growing to dislike. MB noticed your expression tossing you the bag you bought earlier.

“Wear the forces, it’ll complete the look then fit with your style.” Placing on the shoes, Rome came down stairs from your guest bedroom leaning against the rail. “Damn, who mama we takin’ tonight?” Jay snorted lobbing the football to Rome which to my surprise caught from upstairs.

Grabbing the small box from the duffle bag, you opened the box grabbing the watch that caused a lump to form in your throat. Examining the gold watch, your finger ran over the engraved name that you never thought you would come close to again. Placing on the watch you grabbed the cologne bottle spraying it onto your neck and wrist.

“You never told me the name of that panty droppa” Jay joked walking past you towards the bar grabbing the keys twirling them towards MB. Jay tossed the keys to MB who quickly caught it sending a playful wink your way. You scoffed bumping your shoulder against his,

“Do not get fruity on me baby boy.” MB made a face while Rome wrapped his arm around the taller man following you out the Airbnb. “But-” Jay lifted his hand shaking his head, “It’s what we deal with, don’t even try bro.” You let out a giggle opening the backseat door for Rome sending him a dashing smile.

“For you my love” Rome placed a hand over his chest then playfully fanned his face. “What a gentleman!” You sent a fist into his shoulder which sent him stumbling into the backseat. Taking a seat in the passenger side you looked towards MB sending a small smile.

“Now lets see how this goes”

The ride was pretty eventful with the three boys. Singing, well, horribly. Heated debates and very funny remarks. MB reminded you of one of your close cousins you grew up with back home. Unfortunately, you lost him to gun violence but Micheal was a spitting image of him. Personality and all, so it brought you instant peace once you started getting back in touch with him again. Jay aka Jaime was your ‘almost’ adopted brother; grew up with you since elementary. From standing up to the snot heads in 4th grade for you to running from the laws right by your side. He was with you through it all, he never let one disrespect you or look at you the wrong way. Romeo was your best friend. Rome is what you called him since you loved to make fun of his clumsiness, he’s always leaning before he falls. He always looked up to you. The way you could ‘hold your head high when your life was crashing down’ is what he says to you the moment he gets the call about the breakup. Now that boy can keep you and Jay on your toes. Very. VERY. hard headed. Remember the sweet moment from 4th grade with Jay then the marathon with the laws?

“Wake the fuck up!” Jay yelled barging into your room going through your closet. Jumping out of your sleep, you snapped your head to your brother tossing a hoodie into your face. You slipped on the piece of clothing then slipped on your shoes.

“Talk to me. What happened?” Jay huffed, grabbing the backpack you knew too well. You groaned, grabbing the end of the mattress, lifting and letting Jay grab the firearm that laid underneath the suit you placed on top. A small voice screamed for you to not do this but hey, you knew you had to do what you had to do. You followed behind Jay out the door, hopping in his car driving to the location.

“What the dingo do now?” you asked. Jay did not respond when you knew the answer when the street sign caught your eye. He didn’t even get the chance to place the car in park when you sprung out sprinting into the alley. Three hooded figures sent kicks and blows into the person curled up on the floor. Using all the power in your arm, you sent a fist into one of the men knocking him down. Jay was right behind you throwing jabs at another, grabbing the pipe that laid against the wall you swung hitting the boy (his hood now off his head) in the shoulder.

“Tell Carlos he got some balls sending people to come fuck with us.” You growled, grabbing the other person, shoving him into the ground. Jay knocked the last boy into the wall which sent him limping to his crew. One of the boys sent you a smile, blood coating his teeth.

“Carlos just wanted to send his condolences, he was aiming for a close casket.” Once those words slipped his mouth Rome was quick to grab the hand that was already reaching into your waistband. Jay used his own pistol, sending shots near their feet that sent them running for the hills. Tears pricked your eyes as the words kept playing in your head. Lights flashed in your peripheral that caused the three of you to start sprinting to the car. You pushed Rome in the direction of the car.

“GO. They won't know it's you, meet us at home.” Rome sighed at your command but was quick to catch the keys from Jay driving off. You looked at Jay sending him a sad smile.

“Still remember the way?” You asked Jay jogging down the alley

“Like it was yesterday.”

Stepping out of the vehicle you noticed a lot of paparazzis front of the restaurant/bar. Grabbing the shades from your pocket you mentally prepared yourself for the shouting for the man next to you.

“Bliss!”

“Over Bliss!” “Looking good Y/N!”

Your eyes widen at the multiple calls of your name when MB laughed softly,

“Since when did I get clout?” completely in shock, you started making your way up the stairway but not forgetting to flash a smile to the cameras. Jay snorted, patting your back then striking a pose with you, “You were all over shaderoom with SZA '' ahhh, that's what it was. Probably some rumors about you both being together. Well she was beautiful but realistically speaking, you could NOT handle all that… beauty. Yeah. Beauty. Laughing out loud at the thought you reached the last step watching the door being opened for you by Rome.

“Bliss! Were you involved with the altercation with Jenna and Percy?”

You planted your feet, snapping your head to the voice that caused your body to go into autopilot. You walked to the voice standing in front of the man. Jay missed your arm by an inch trying his best to pull you back.

“What happened?”

The older man's eyes widen at the fact that you were in front of him awaiting for a answer, “Last night there is footage of them two arguing and Percy looked to be a little up close and personal with Jenna and-” he did not even get to finish, you were already making your way inside to the huge table in the back to sat all the faces you knew too well but one stood out. Jenna's eyes caught your heated figure and immediately stood from her chair to stop you. Joy began to panic knowing the look on your face but before you could reach the table MB, Jay and Rome were pushing you into the doors of the huge area for the restrooms.

“Hey! You are not thinking right now. Calm down.” MB was the first to speak as Jay had you trapped between him and the wall. Rome was keeping watch at the door making sure no one came in. You couldn't help but dig your fingernails into your palms trying your best to keep your past actions inside.

“I just want to talk to him.” you breathed out trying to squeeze your way out of Jay’s hold to only be shoved once again into the wall.

“This is what he wants Y/n. To ruin your image. Be smart on this.” Rome spoke, shaking his head at the window at the door shoo’ing off the person attempting to walk in. You took a deep breath realizing the truth. You can't go out like this. This is what she wanted. That is not your concern anymore. She is not yours and you are not hers. You nodded, taking a few breaths but hissed at the stinging in your hand. Jay huffed yet chuckled, grabbing the napkins that were displayed in the area and applied it to your hand.

“Old habit huh.” you smiled fixing your collar then nodding at MB and the duo. Jay sighed sending a small smile your way starting his way out the doors. MB patted your shoulder slightly pushing you out the doors. “I really wanted to get some hits on this fine Friday evening.” Rome mumbled which you snorted, slapping the back of his head. Making your way to the table, Letitia was the first to stand bringing you into a hug.

“You good?” Her muffled question only made you nod patting her back. Moving away, you gave everyone a smile and a simple ‘Hey’ which Emma was quick to dash out her seat jumping into your arms. “Oh how i have missed you!” She fake cried squeezing her thighs around your waist that sent a loud yelp out your mouth. Joy was quick to pull her off at the sudden touch that was quick to spark your anxiety.

“Woah, now you look good.” Georgie commented, making his way to your side bringing you into a hug. You wrapped your arms around him, tightening your hold, he was your right hand when you went to visit Jenna on set. If Jenna was out with her girls or Percy, He’d come over or you would be in his living room playing Call of Duty Online while he sat in his gaming room streaming with you. He noticed the change in Percy and Jenna when everything was starting to go downhill. He was the first to bring it to your attention but being so in love with the girl, you ignored it. Maybe being secure makes you an easy target to take for granted.

“You've been working out?” Georgie asked wrapping his hand around your inner bicep squeezing that sent a shock into your side that made you flinch sending a light punch into his arm laughing softly. The man sent out a small yelp holding his arm mumbling, “oh yeah, you have.” You moved down the line till you came to a face that you knew too well and no, it was not Jenna.

“Going ghost is what you do now huh?” Johnna spoke, pulling you into a very tight hug. Patting her back, you gently pulled away and sent her a small smile. “Just needed to get away from the world.” She only nodded, keeping her eyes locked into yours. See, the thing with Johnna was she had her eyes on you along with Jenna when you came around. You were a friend of Joy’s when she dragged you to Romania after the behavior change you had once you lost your cousin. That was 4 years ago, but as you can tell Jenna won your heart and Johnna became the scout on the sidelines just waiting her turn. ‘A benchwarmer’ is what Rome said when he literally saw her watching you like a hawk in the distance. Jay cleared his throat allowing you to finally pull away from her hold taking a seat next to Joy. The gods above are probably laughing their asses off on how the seating was at the long table. Looking up to grab the menu a familiar ring came into your view.

“Hi.” Jenna breathed out, your eyes widened at her voice quickly averting your gaze to look over at the boy sitting next to her which you regretted when he sent a smirk your way and placed a small peck onto Jennas cheek.

“Hey.” Was all you said as you grumbled profanities, an idea popped in your head; glancing at Jay which he already caught your drift whispering in Johnna’s ear as she quickly switched seats with him and sent you a very bright smile leaning into your side. Most of the time you’d catch Jenna sneaking glances your way when you’d crack a joke and Johnna would laugh pretty loud. You did pull a dick move when you wiped the smudge lipstick on the side of her lip with your thumb, that seemed to catch Rome’s attention that caused him to choke on his drink.

The main dishes arrived and everyone got to digging in and continuing to catch up on whatever they left off on. To your luck, your social battery was draining and the anxiety you hated so much decided to toy with you. You lifted your hand to grab the condiment yet it slipped from your sweaty palm, fell onto the plate and some landed on your shirt; Now that spiked your anxiety. The shakiness in your hands increased as you went to run your hand through your hair. Jay noticed when you quickly dismissed yourself from the table wobbling to the restroom.

“Stupid fucking shit!” You mumbled out attempting to clean out the stain on your shirt and pants. The stain seemed to be getting worse which was now ticking at your anger,

“You never had much patience with cleaning.” Your head shot up to the voice then snapped back to the stain cleaning it. Jenna took a few steps towards you which you stepped back shaking your head.

“Please, let me.” your hands dropped to your side while she stood in front of you with a small cloth.

“Dab. Don’t wipe.” You couldn’t stop the roll of your eyes. Of course she’d say that. She was never home but when she was mad she would power clean the whole damn house. You felt pressure near your lower area which you caught her hand but couldn't stop the grunt that fell from your lips.

“Stop. I got it.” She took a small step back watching your movements but noticed the shaking in your hands. “Breathe.” She whispered but was only an echo in the back of your mind. Shaking your head, the room started to shrink which was not helping at all. Jenna knew these attacks too well when she gently placed her hands on the sides of your face locking her gaze into yours. Everything stopped. The voices. The noises. The pain. Oh how bad have you been hurting since you left her side.

“I love you.”

That was all that could be said. You loved her. You missed her. You needed her. It only came out as a whisper but to her, it sounded like you screamed from the top of your lungs.

“And I love you.”

Hearing her words an instant image of Percy popped in your head which you flinched away, moving as far as you possibly could. No. She doesn't love you. Not as much as you do. God, how you missed her. Her simple yet fancy attire really brought out the success she has done. She looked down nodding her head, “I know.”

“Do you love him?” She was quick on her toes blurting out a ‘no’ and you were back putty in her hands again.

“Being away from you for so long made me realize that I am deeply in love with you and I can't live without you.” she whispered again slowly pulling you closer. The height difference was very noticeable when you had to look down at the girl whose head was almost laid on your chest.

“In love or scared of being alone?” Now that caught her off guard, she looked up to see the tired look in your eyes. She knew there were still nights you dreamed of losing your cousin and to make things a tad worse, you lost her. She knew you were in a war with your old self, trying to stay afloat.

A knock on the door echoed through the restroom and a voice you grew to dislike caused you to move away from Jenna. “Jen? You okay?” Percy asked through the door. Jenna sighed replying with a ‘yes’ which you rolled your eyes fixing the belt on your jeans.

The doors opened revealing Percy. Jenna’s eyes widened at the actions he's done when you were quick on your toes walking towards him. “You’re not supposed to be in here.” a smirk visible on his face, your height was a bit shorter but you’ve taken on men twice his size. He’ll be a simple sleeper.

“Like you’re welcomed in here.”

Jenna’s eyes almost popped out her sockets when you only chuckled, running your tongue over your top teeth. Looking at the boy sending him a small tight lipped smile but Jenna was quick to step between the two of you pushing Percy out the restroom.

“Get your man Marie, or my crew will.” Jenna nodded quickly but Percy opened the door wide sending you one last look that you wanted to swipe off his damn face.

“Jen, make sure your dog is tamed.” You turned, grabbing the wash cloth from the sink, running it under the water. Knuckles white, you were hoping the boys knew you were gone for a while, coming to the rescue.

“Put a leash on that street mutt while you’re at it.” Jenna turned to Percy instantly shoving him back at his choice of words but it was too late. You had enough.

Walking to the boy, not caring the smaller girl was between you two, you wrapped the damped towel around your knuckles sending a fist into his nose. The boy stumbled back out the doors landing on his back. Jay and Rome were quick on sprinting to the scene, grabbing you off the boy. Percy took his chance when you were struggling against Rome, he jumped up and cocked his arm back connecting his fist to your jaw.

“You should let me go now.” You warned Rome and he released his hold from your shirt when you sprung towards the boy sending multiple jabs to his face. Letting the last punch be a reminder to not fuck with you, his body folded dropping onto the table everyone was sat at. See, simple sleeper. Gasps fell from the people's mouth when you sprung once more at the boy, but this time Jenna stood in front of you with her hands on your chest.

“Stop, please.”

The adrenaline faded instantly once you came to your senses. Jenna had tears in her eyes, MB was holding Rome against a wall trying to calm him down, Jay had his hand on your shoulder speaking to you but his voice was miles away. Johnna held a look in her eye, it was maybe arousal? Letitia seemed disappointed but nodded at the result. and Joy? She held a look of relief. Maybe he needed a reality check and you were the one to give it to him. Finally locking eyes with the girl in front of you, you sent a painful chuckle her way.

“And here I thought you’d find someone better than me,” Jenna sent a look you couldn’t quite dissect when Jay finally tapped your shoulder.

“We gotta go. MB got the whip out back.” You nodded leaning back, making your way out the back door. Letitia and Joy made their way by your side walking through the kitchen.

“I’m sorry it has to come to this.” was all you could say. Joy scooped up a frozen pack of vegetables that laid on the board, placing it against your jaw. The SUV came into view when you slid into the front seat keeping your eyes locked on the dashboard in front of you.

“If you all are going to scold me for breaking, save it.” You mumbled feeling a warm stream of blood drip from your lip. Quickly wiping it off with the end of your shirt, Joy snorted which caused you to turn your head in her direction to meet everyone with proud smirks on their faces.

“I am not mad. Letitia?” Letitia shook her head, “I think Rome shouldn’t have grabbed you in the first place.” MB snorted tapping you on the shoulder, you rolled your eyes trying your best to contain the small tugging the corner of your lips.

“Do not be mad, but you are not going back to the bnb.” MB mumbled, your eyebrows furrowed when a gate you knew too well. The huge metal gates opened when your door was opened by a man in a black suit. Leaning against the door, you mumbled to the man- “Just tell her I fell out the car a few miles back.” He only smiled shaking his head,

“I would if I could, but she's watching the cameras as we speak. She will be arriving here shortly.” You could only groan and drag your feet up the driveway.

“We don’t need any babies in the house anytime soon-” Jay shouted from the back window while you were quick to toss the melting bag at the boy's head which sent a ‘oof’ out his mouth. The car howled in laughter as they drove off into the night. Sighing, you reached her door by putting in the code. Stepping into her large entrance, you made your way to the kitchen opening the fridge grabbing a water bottle. hopping onto the island you looked around her kitchen to see everything was still the same from the last time you were here. Maybe from her being in Romania and filming Beetlejuice or Scream. Sliding off the island and tossing the empty water bottle into the recycle bin you walked up the stairs to a room you knew too well.

“Damn Jenna,” you whispered, turning on the Neon sign that illuminated the entire room. You hummed and smiled when the sound echoed throughout the room. You walked to the small desk that still held your laptop taking a seat. Logging in, your last mix was still open and untouched from the last time you were in here and that was maybe a year ago. The song was complete but you felt like it deserved a slower version. Pressing play, you started your journey on changing the tempo, tune and even adding chops. What you didn’t notice after a good thirty minutes was a silhouette of the girl leaning against the door lost in your zone. Nodding your head at your results, moving your fingers with the beat and singing along.

“You were always stuck on that song.” she finally spoke which caused you to snort softly nodding. You started the song back to mix and save the song cause who were you to pull a rookie mistake.

“Wasn’t my type of vibe at the time, but i finished it.” you started turning to face her, “You always wondered who i was writing about, it was about you when i first saw you.” Jenna smiled your way, opening the door wider, letting the hallway light shine onto your face. Her smile fell when she noticed the dried blood on your shirt and the cut on your lip still bleeding. You stood on your feet walking out the room into her bedroom heading straight to her master bath. Plotting down on the toilet with Jenna already grabbing the first aid kit, you hummed quietly awaiting for the war you knew was about to start.

“George told me that you broke his nose and he needed stitches for his eyebrow” she started grabbing the gauze placing it onto the top of the alcohol bottle. You turned your gaze from her actions scoffing loudly. “That's not enough.” she shook her head applying the cloth onto your lip which did cause you to flinch back. A loud sound rang through the bathroom when your elbow rammed into the toilet top. A growl bubbled your throat when you looked up through your lashes to see Jenna placing a hand on her hip watching the sight in front of her.

“You didn’t warn me.” A hand was placed on your thigh which you grumbled spreading your legs slightly open so the girl could step in between.

“You should be used to this by now.” She was right. You should be but you werent. Jenna met you at a bad time in your life. The late nights where you appeared at her doorstep with the sound of the constant ‘no’s’ you mumbled and bloodied clothes that were indeed yours. Broken ribs, black eyes, concussions and you promised her to not take you to the hospital. To this day, she's kept it. After applying a damp rag on your jaw, Jenna moved to grab the small can of ointment to place on your lip. Standing up, you leaned against the sink watching her movements.

“I heard about the argument from some camera head.” Jenna hummed, keeping her eyes strained on the ointment. She shook her head but the way she was at peace caused you to lean closer towards her. “You don't deserve that Marie.” you continued, placing your shaking hand onto hers. She looked up to see your hooded eyes.

“Then what do I deserve?” she whispered when your free hand ghosted over her hip. You shrugged, sending her a playful smirk.

“A bliss.”

“Oh really?” She teased. You nodded towering over her, the ointment was long gone from the both minds that only craved one thing.

“I-”

Her lips smashed against yours, with a force that caused your backside to hit the sink. You wrapped your arms around her waist pulling her closer. So close you could feel her body molding into yours. You pulled away when your chest felt very tight, shaking your head leaning your body back against the sink.

“We going too fast now” You whispered, placing everything back into the first aid kit. Her chest heaving from the heavy breathing, she agreed with a nod walking into her room disappearing in her huge closet. You awkwardly stood in the middle of her room not knowing what to do. She walked back out with a set of clothes that were yours, you sent her a small smile grabbing the clothes from her hands walking back into the restroom. You turned on the shower then you were back in front of the mirror with your head in your hands. Removing your shirt, you noticed there was more dried and fresh blood streaming down your side. Grumbling, you turned towards the side trying to see where the blood came from but to your luck, you couldn't see shit.

“You’re bleeding.” Jenna spoke again, you nodded still trying to see where the bleeding was from but she could. Grabbing the rag from the sink and placing it onto your back, a satisfied sigh slipped from your lips. Her fingers ran along your back and sides causing your knuckles to turn white from gripping the counter a little too hard.

“It should stop when you shower, let me get you a towel.” Before she could walk away you grabbed her hand bringing her back to you. “I just want to say thank you…for you know helping me and not seeing me as the bad guy.” there was a small spark in her eyes which caused everything to go dark around her. The spark you saw when she first stood this close to you when she caught you playing a pick up game with your crew after she came home for a short vacation.

“Aye Bliss, ain't that yo girl?” Rome shouted from down the court while you were trying to get out of this weak ass lock up from Pedro. You glanced to see the small girl taking a seat on the bleachers with a small smile on her face. Two tall buff men sat next to her when all you could do was smirk. “Come on B, you ball hogging.” Pedro mumbled reaching in to steal the ball, you moved the ball to your free hand leaving him in the dust. You did a no-look-pass towards Jaime letting him drop a dime. Sending a cocky smile you pushed his buttons, “I see you missed your appointment with Dr.D since them ankles keep breaking.” Everyone laughed but then ran your way when Pedro pushed you with force causing you to fall on your back. Quickly hopping back up with Rome wrapping his arms around you moving you away from the scene.

“Go with yo girl brah” you laughed as he pushed you her way. Fixing your necklace and sending her that billion dollar smile. “What’s good mama!” She jumped into your arms as you held her close. She wore a mask and hoodie on so no one couldn’t tell who she was but the two men gave it away for you and the crew. ‘We know it’s yo girl with all that security she got’ is what your boys would say when you would get that ‘i’m outside’ the first time you both started seeing each other. You brought her back down to her feet with your hands still on her waist. Her eyes held a spark that made your heart pick up speed.

“I missed you.” she whispered still with her eyes locked on yours. You both didn’t dare move a muscle, you could see the things she wanted to say in her eyes. It’s like the sun knew how you both felt when it hit just right in her eyes. “And I missed you. Pull down the mask and give me a kiss, ain't nobody watching.” She let out a small giggle doing what you told and smashed her lips into yours.

“Mane y'all take that lovey dovey shit somewhere else!” one of the players shouted when you only laughed into the kiss pulling her closer.

It was very hard to keep your feelings at bay when the girl you loved more than words could explain when she was in your arms giving you the look that made you change to who you are today. You let her go grab the towel as you removed your pants so you were left in your sports bra and briefs. She came back and handed you a towel when she stood eyeing the new ink on your skin.

“You finally got the ink you always wanted huh?” she started as you ran your hand under the water humming when the water was just right. “Yeah, I still have my sides to do but you know.” you answered, Jenna leaned against the door frame again chuckling softly.

“You got time.” Your smile fell when the cries of your aunt echoed in your ears. “Time is something we take for granted. This life I live? I don’t have time, I could go any second due to the life I lived.” You spoke, grabbing the towel and placing it onto the toilet top. “That is why I spent every moment with you like it was my last. The thought of leaving this earth with us not on good terms will literally crush me even in the afterlife.” Finally looking up at the girl in front of you, tears brimmed her eyes as she moved closer wrapping her arms around your waist and burying her face into your chest.

“You gave me the world and I still put you through so much. I wanted to take you from a place that caused you pain and here I am feeding more into it.” She spoke into your chest. Sighing, you pulled away looking down at her.

“Let me ask you something.” You started, pulling away letting her hop on the sink awaiting your question. “What did he give you that I couldn’t?”

“I was waiting for a time to tell you this. All those years I kept you hidden from the world that I couldn’t take you anywhere I went. It was draining not having you with me that I decided that it was time to tell the world that you were my person.” She started. You noticed it was going to take a turn when she started playing with her bracelet. “I went to my team to let them know and it went downhill. Most were fine with my decision- hell my manager was happy about it but my PR manager was furious. He wanted me to be with Percy since you were not good for my image. So I spent more time with Percy and I was blinded by wanting to get the stunt over with that being away from you made him seem like someone I could fall into.” You nodded and leaned against the wall keeping your eyes locked on the sliding glass that began to fog up from the hot water.

“Why did you kiss him?” You whispered, preparing for the worst. You wanted an explanation and even if it was months since everything happened you wanted answers. This girl was your everything and finding out all this information made guilt engulf you whole.

“He kissed me. A few hours before…” She motioned her hand between you two. “Everything happened, I was in a meeting and they wanted to do a stunt that involved a kiss. I hated it. I denied it so I was on the way to go see you when Emma stopped me and it was like the world wanted me to sink in a hole. Percy got word before I did and being the prick he is…He gave me a hug and kissed me.” a short breath darted out your nose. You looked to meet her eyes when all you saw were tears.

“He knew you were there. Everything was crashing at once. I tried to explain and I admit that I said things I didn’t mean but the moment you walked out that door I realized I lost the most important person in my life. I lost my light.” She finished looking up from her hands to meet your gaze.

“I went back home when I left.” Her eyes widened when you whispered your confession. “I went to go see my family, and if the world wanted to kill me…not only did I lose my cousin who was like a brother to me,” You stopped trying to swallow the lump in your throat. “I lost my Aunt two weeks after I got back. I fell into this dark place for a few weeks. I went to see Marcos.” Jenna whispered a ‘no’ when that name flew out your mouth. “I did some things that still haunt me at night because I was hurt. Alone. I decided to come back after being there for a good month and Joy took me in and I’ve been trying to pick myself back up since.”

“I wanted a life with you. A family. I respected your decision with your privacy because at the end of the day I was the one you came home to. Jenna, I felt so lost when everything happened and all we needed to do was communicate.” You finished wiping the single tear that slipped down your cheek.

“Would you leave if I asked you, could we try this again?” Jenna whispered. Due to the steam now filling the room you could barely see the small girls frown. You took a step closer. “Would you leave if I told you to give me a hundred dollars and you get a deal?” A laugh flew out the girls mouth at your humor when you moved to the switch to turn on the vent. Her hand was placed on yours stopping you, her free hand cupped your cheek and once you saw the look in her eyes you leaned in placing your lips against hers.

Your lips moved in sync as if both were made for one another. The fireworks that no longer felt like bombs you ran from but the pure feeling of relief you searched for in the last six months. The force of anticipation in the girl in front of you caused your back to hit the wall but the warm water sent a gasp out your mouth and a giggle out of hers.

That didn’t matter after a few seconds when Jenna's hands went to her soaked shirt, removing it. Clothes were discarded and lips were placed in places you both desired. You craved her as if she was the cool hidden sanctuary in the hot scorching desert. She craved you as if you were the nectar from the flower that only grew in a place that no one could reach in this cruel world. You both craved each other in this asylum you all call home. Scientists say the earth is seventy one percent water but all the water you need to quench the thirst of happiness is right in front of you…dropping onto her knees.

***

After a few hours of reuniting in your words, your head rested against Jennas pillow as her head laid against your chest humming softly. You sighed running your fingers through her hair,

“So what now?”

Jennas head lifted, her eyes staring into yours, she placed a chaste kiss onto your lips drawing shapes onto your cheek,

“Well, if you are up for it…I am actually on a two week break as of right now. We can head to the office for a meeting and let them know.” Your eyes widen. She was serious. She wanted the world to know you were hers and she was yours. Years of wanting to make this woman your everything with a rock in your hand but this? This felt like she wanted to do it. You nodded, wrapping your arm around her, bringing her more into your embrace.

“Okay. We can do that.”

Jenna hummed once more, placing her head back onto your bare chest as you leaned over grabbing your phone on the nightstand. Squinting your eyes at the brightness of your phone, multiple notifications of your crew popped on the screen. Clicking on your recent missed call, ringing was heard throughout the room when you placed it on speaker.

“Yeeeeeeoooo” Jay sang through the phone.

“Yo, did you guys make it back safe?” there was static but a voice in the background caused you to roll your eyes.

“Gone head cashapp me that bill will ya? They made about four babies since it's been a good four hours.” Romeo slang out,

“I told you Jenna was their light.” Joy spoke in the background and a lot of ‘ohhs’ boomed from the phone. You looked down at the girl sending her a warm smile.

“She was my touch in the dark.”

#SoundCloud #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega #oneshot #lgbtq #love #angst

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slickfordain · 1 day

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♡ 𝐌𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐲 ♡

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, fragile bottom female reader, I will never do top/dom readers- I only do bottoms as I am a forever bottom, pls don’t forget to read my rules too

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹Nanami⊹₊ ⋆୨ৎ

Who has absolutely no idea what to do without you by his side.

It’s as if you were his sole reason of being able to work properly if he just had you close to him…. Some may even assume that it’s because your husband loves you so, and it’s true. Nanami does love you like a whole damn lot, giving you princess treatment and all that….

But, it’s also because he has such filthy imaginations every now and then when it involves you. Usually, he prefers you sitting on his lap with your pretty little dress— looking like an absolute doll and sweet. It just makes him sane sometimes…. Especially when your pretty little hole is taking his cock so well. He loves it. You’re such a sweetheart for allowing him to do this with you…. It eases him so much.

Thanks to your dress, nobody can tell that Nanami is slowly and torturously fucking you by humping slightly up and down. It…. It’s a bit hard to control his tone, that he’ll admit. But Gods, he can’t have you off his cock— he needed your greedy tight hole to squeeze him. Every negativity of his needed to be out of his body because Gojo is such a fucking bitch sometimes, an annoying whiny asshole that Nanami can’t help himself but to always wanna relief by having you.

Your sweet little hiccups would sometimes get to him too, and the way you squeak and squirm with your cute beautiful body. He’s so soft and gentle with you….

To the point when he feels your insides squeezing him too tightly, and it’s at the end of his work shift, he’ll have to push you down on the table and creampie you so many times. He’ll sometimes be rough, moving his hips back and forth…. Just slamming his entire cock into you, as you’re whimpering and whining, babbling how you can’t take a cock so big… But Nanami just shuts you up in the most loving way possible, by fucking you so deeply, he moves so inhumanly fast. So fast; he cums so much inside you.

But oh, that’s not enough. Oh no, it’s never enough. You were trying to get some rest since today has been such a “hot” day, but then you’re suddenly dropped onto the floor— and all of the sudden, Nanami held you in a mating press position, suddenly forcing his cock back inside you, fucking you through his own load of seed. You can’t handle it? You can’t take it anymore? Yes you can. Just look at your pretty cum flowing and leaking out of your pussy, your tongue lolling out and your eyes rolling back…. Damn…

… Hah… You’re so gorgeous… Nanami cummed a lot inside you again. Losing your mind, being so far gone, you’re suddenly fucked against the wall…. And then later you know it, against his desk again, and then the exit door that luckily was locked.

Nanami loves your inner flesh tightening around him…. He wanna stuff you full of his white cum and someday, perhaps even breed you more in secret, when he has a meeting with his other colleagues. But he forbids Gojo to find out, because Nanami loathes it when Gojo finds out about everything and will yap it to anyone on the damn street.

You were just gorgeous though… Enough to at least forget about that frustrating day, and, cums again inside you one last time. One last time… One more before you have to at least be ready for another day of his “frustration relief”.

(This is embarrassing, I can’t do smut at all-)

#various x reader #various #jujustsu kaisen x reader #smut #jjk smut #jjk x reader #jjk nanami

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dangerpronebuddie · 12 hours

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Tease Tidbit Tuesday!!

Tagged by @tizniz @loveyouanyway who wrote WONDERFUL stuff y'all should show some love!! 💜🩵

It feels like I haven't been doing a lot of these tag games lately, but now that school is finished (I passed!!! 🥳) I can get back to writing! A lot of my projects are just not vibing right now, but I hope to have this done this week. Once again, I apologize:

“Honey, he's just as likely to get hurt as you are,” she points out. “I just worry about Christopher. He needs stability, and you've been on your own for so long." "And I can't handle it, right?" Eddie scoffs, turning to face her. He doesn't want to have this conversation. But he's tired. Tired of missing what he can't get back. Tired of feeling like he needs to justify his every decision. Tired of being a failure. "I never said you couldn't," she protests. He shakes his head in disbelief. "That is all you ever say." "Eddie," she says, like she wants him to see reason. "Remember the night I told you we were moving?" Eddie asks. "How you sat there and berated Shannon for leaving, and me for staying, and the fact I was somehow incapable of raising my own son?" "I was angry at Shannon for leaving you-" "You don't get to be angry at her," he bites. Not even he can find the strength to anymore. "Her mom needed help. And I left first! Why is it different when I did it?" "Because you're my son," she says with a helpless shrug. "And Christopher is mine," he almost growls. "I was doing everything I could for him and you wanted to take him away from me!" "I didn't-" "That's why I know you are going to do what is right for him," Eddie recites, "don't drag him down with you, Eddie."

(tags under the cut. And please let me know if you want to be added/ removed)

Absolutely no pressure tagging:

@13shadesofanni @lover-of-mine @monsterrae1 @thekristen999 @daffi-990

@kitteneddiediaz @wikiangela @steadfastsaturnsrings @ronordmann @fortheloveofbuddie

@actuallyitsellie @exhuastedpigeon @spagheddiediaz @wildlife4life @theotherbuckley

@hippolotamus @diazsdimples @rainbow-nerdss @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @smallandalmosthonest

@daniwib @jshadow01 @shipperqueen6 @idealuk @misshiss727

@lunarspark-cos @likeamollusconarock @lin27 @orangeboxfox92 @thegeekcompanion

@emilybahu @lemotmo @awolfnamed-nyx and anyone else who wants to share!! 🩷🥰

#911 #eddie diaz #helena diaz #911 abc #fanfic #Maggie writes #i have everything finished #it just is missing something™#fic: I've Been On My Knees #i kinda wish a different one won #i may still change it 😅#911 wip #911 fic #tease tidbit tuesday

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astarionancuntnin · 2 days

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Die For You (Chapter 2)

summary: following your encounter in that dark alley, you're faced with your old love. will you have the strength to stand up to him?

rating: T

word count: 2.1k

pairing: astarion x you (fem!reader)

cw: kidnapping, reader is shackled for a while, starvation (both imposed by captor and self-imposed), manipulation.

a/n: a shorter chapter and no funny business this time around cause we gotta focus on the development of their relationship while reader is in captivity. also! look out for the additional a/n at the end of the chapter! im undecided on where i want to take this so i want all of your opinions !!

previous chapter

read on ao3

or keep reading down below~

I fell in love with someone

I don’t know

Anymore, anymore

Sometimes I wonder if you

Think of me

Anymore, anymore

You can't make much of what happened after he appeared. You were too shocked by the presence of your past lover to acknowledge whoever cast sleep on you, knocking you unconscious at your most vulnerable moment. Cowards. When you awaken, you’re shackled, hanging to a wall in a dark cell. You pull against the restraints to no avail; you were securely locked in.

Your struggling must’ve made too much noise, as not long afterwards, the door opens wide, revealing Astarion, alone. He was standing proud in lavish clothing, different from the ones you had seen him in at the party a few days ago, but just as proper. As much as these last few months had been awful to you, it seemed like they had been the best in his last 200 years of existence. He approaches you slowly, head held high and arms crossed in his back.

“How’s your head, my dear?”

Hearing his voice again for the first time in months triggers a wave of emotions within you. Hurt, hatred, longing… lust. You shake them away as best as you can before questioning him.

“Why did you bring me here, Astarion?”

“Why, I simply wanted to talk,” he says, his tone annoyingly playful.

“Was the kidnapping and shackles really necessary?” You slightly pull against them again to make your point; you can barely move in this condition.

“Can you blame me? Seeing how you ignored me so easily all night, and the fury in which you provoked my servants, I doubted you were going to follow me here willingly.”

You close your eyes and sigh, dropping your head, discouraged.

“Plus,” he adds, “I couldn’t take the chance to have you run out on me. I let you go once, it’s not a mistake I’ll be doing again.”

You chuckle, somehow finding a way to laugh at the situation as you raise your head back to meet his gaze. “I notice that your inability to move on wasn’t part of the many things that changed after your ascension.”

He smiles back, amused by your wits. “I only kept the best parts, as you can see. Besides, I know you've been missing me just as much.”

“You're so full of yourself.”

“Am I? Were you not alone and miserable for all these months? Or did my spawns lie to me?”

“Wait… You’ve been spying on me?!” You exclaim in disbelief.

“Well, someone had to make sure you weren't off to get yourself killed in some stupid way.”

You scoff, offended at this image he had of you. “I can handle my own, thank you.”

“And yet, my servants had no problems cornering you in a dark alley.”

You open your mouth as you're about to answer back when you find yourself at a loss for words. He got you there, the prick. He notices your silence and sighs before commenting on your state.

“For someone who’s been wanting me ever since we parted, you keep playing hard to get, my dear.”

“Oh please, how am I ‘hard to get’? Hells, I was actively trying to forget about you, I never wanted to see you again. But no, you– you had to go after me.” The irony of the situation makes you laugh some more. “You have everything you’ve ever dreamed of and yet, you still couldn’t find someone new to replace me.”

He laughs lightly. “I’ve only ever wanted you, my treasure. And now,” he walks towards you with a languid pace, his hand reaching for your chin, lifting it to meet his gaze, “You're finally where you belong, where you should have always been in the first place.”

You snap your head out of his grasp. “Shackled at your feet?” You spit out.

He forcefully brings back your gaze on him, his nails grazing your cheeks, making you hiss. “By my side.” He looks at your bared teeth, smiling. “You will make a deadly consort, that I'm sure of.”

Your eyes widen as you understand the implication, and your voice rises as the fear starts to set in. “I’ll NEVER agree to this.”

He tilts your head aside and leans in the crook of your exposed neck, his breath hot against your skin. “You don't have to. I can just take what's rightfully mine.” he whispers and that last word sends a chill down your spine.

You struggle in his grasp, trying to pull your neck away as you shout. “Don’t you DARE!”

He chuckles to himself. “Oh, don't you worry, I intend on making sure you deserve it before we get there.” He releases your face coldly but doesn’t move away from you. “But where are my manners? I almost forgot; I meant to invite you to eat.”

“I would rather starve,” you declare, leaning into that last word.

He sighs, seemingly growing tired of your attitude. “Fine, do as you wish,” he says, walking away from you.

He leaves and you’re left on your own for Gods know how long. You spend those first hours trying to free yourself still and eventually give up when you start to feel the bruises on your wrists. You drift in and out of consciousness, fatigue affecting you more with every hour that passes. Without any source of light, it’s nearly impossible for you to tell how much time had gone by since the night you were captured. But, judging by the growling of your stomach, at least a full day had gone by, maybe even two. Your arms and legs were starting to give out on you as well, when the door before you opened to a spawn you didn't recognize.

“Lord Ancunín invites you to dinner,” he says, composed.

“You can tell him to fuck off.” Your words don’t have the intended effect as they’re told with a shaky voice. In truth, you would kill for just a piece of bread right about now, but you would let yourself die before you complied to Astarion.

“I'm afraid that's not an option.”

Two more spawns appear behind him, and you instantly understand where this is going; this wasn't a request, it was an order. You're unshackled, although the spawns’ grips were so strong, you didn’t notice a difference, and were guided out of your cell. You reach an immense dining room, where Astarion has been waiting for you, a gold cup already to his lips. Knowing him, you suppose it’s either blood or fine wine, not that you care either way. You sink into the chair positioned at your end of the table, eyeing the food before you suspiciously.

“Don't worry, I wouldn't dream of poisoning you. I only want what’s best for my dearest consort.”

You scoff, briefly eyeing Astarion who is sitting opposite of you before turning your attention to the contents between the two of you. You would lie to yourself if you said you weren't starving. The food laid out on the table looked delicious. The table was filled with different plates of food, each one looking better than the previous, making your stomach growl in appetite. You could practically drool all over the place, but you didn’t want to give Astarion the satisfaction of seeing you cave in. Not yet, not so soon. You wouldn’t let him get the best of you.

Astarion quickly understands your intentions, with you staring right back at him, and he sighs, rolling his eyes.

“It wouldn’t be wise to let yourself starve, pet. You wouldn’t want to waste all this delicious food, would you? Don’t be shy, at least take a bite.”

You're tempted, but against your better judgement, you ignore the mouth-watering meal, crossing your arms in defiance. He rolls his eyes, matching your attitude.

“As you wish.”

He snaps his fingers and the two spawns that brought you here move towards you, reaching for your arms. You stand up abruptly, pulling away from them in a defensive stance. Astarion speaks up, and you can practically hear the smile in his voice.

“Come on now, my lovely assistants only want to bring you back to your cell for the night.”

“I know the way.”

“I insist.”

Your fatigue and hunger get the best of you; you simply don’t have the energy to fight.

“Fine.”

“That’s my girl.”

You hate the effect he still has on you. He knows just what to say to get to you.

You shoot him a deadly glare and feel your breathing quickening as your heart races with anger and your nails dig through your palms. He smiles pretentiously at you, and you’re overcome with thoughts of jumping onto him and punching his stupid face, making him regret everything he’s done to you these last few days. If it wasn’t for the awful twist in your gut, you might have. You shut your eyes closed as you look away, frowning, before you start walking away and the two vampire spawns accompany you to your cell, where you let yourself slouch over the rock wall. At least, they didn't restrain you again.

Once again alone with your thoughts, your mind drifts to your companions. Specifically Shadowheart; would she still be waiting for you? Would she be looking for you? You wish you had a way to contact her, let her know you need help. Your thoughts are interrupted by a stabbing feeling in your gut, again. Maybe you should’ve taken a bite, just a small one, just to keep you going… No, this was a game to him, you needed to hold on. The pain is good, you try to convince yourself, it’s a reminder that I’m alive, mortal, and I’ll fight to keep it that way as long as I can.

Another wretched tenday passes and you avoid the food still. Every day follows the same routine: you’re woken up, Astarion’s spawns bring you to the large dining room where you’ll refuse to eat anything, until he gets bored of your attitude and you’ll be brought back to your cell, three times a day. You sense how Astarion is getting annoyed at you, and it strengthens your resolve. However, you hate to admit it, but you’re becoming weaker and weaker. You spend most of the passing days asleep, unable to think straight through your hunger, and too exhausted to do anything else.

Finally, you cave in.

As you're brought to the dining room for dinner, your gaze falls upon your favourite meal, presented before you. For the first time in days, your façade breaks down, you have eyes for nothing else other than the meal in front of you. Had this been given to you on the first day, you would’ve gladly turned it down, but you didn’t have that kind of resolve anymore. Astarion snaps you out of your reverie by mentioning the name of the plate, and you raise your eyes to meet his.

“You had asked me what my favourite meal was and I couldn’t remember.” His tone is gentle. “It had been so long that everything tasted like garbage. Even wine tasted like pure vinegar. It frustrated me. That’s when you told me about yours: Baldurian Mash. You described it in such great detail, I could almost taste it myself.” He pauses, and you look up to meet his gaze. “I wanted to give you what I couldn't have. A chance to remember.”

You can’t stop the tears from swelling up. You’re famished, completely drained, and mentally spent; this was the last straw. You grab the gold-plated utensil with a shaky hand and dig into the plate, shoving that first bite in your mouth. It’s even better than you remember it. You chew on that first bite longer than necessary, relishing the taste of the meal. It’s comforting, filling, it tastes like home; it’s everything you’ve wanted and more. You are so hungry that you end up ravishing the rest of it, barely taking the time to savour it properly past that first mouthful. Your belly growls, this time content with the food you finally gave it. After so many days resting on an empty stomach, you can't afford to eat anything else. You smile unconsciously as you lay back in your chair, satisfied with your meal, before getting up to leave, following the usual routine.

You stop in your tracks near the door and slightly turn around towards the ascendant, pausing before the words escape your lips.

“Thank you.”

As you walk away, you miss the devilish grin forming on his lips.

Everything was going perfectly according to his plan.

Familiar faces that look like you

They tend to

Mess with my head just like it's deja vu

It's always

Right when I think I’m getting over you

That it feels

Like I have salt inside an open wound

A/N²: POLL TIME

i already have another chapter written which wont be affected by this poll. BUT for the chapters that will follow, i need a direction since its going to change how i approach the writing (dialogues and important actions are going to be different based on the outcome)

i do have an idea for each option, i just need to know whats the vibe cause i cant decide myself (bisexual moment)

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hugheses · 2 days

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10-6-20: Teams, agents and players: How the first-overall pick changes everything

In the spring of 2019, U.S. netminder Cory Schneider and teenaged star Jack Hughes were at the world championships in Slovakia when a big plan began as a joke.

Schneider, who was 33 at the time, teased that Hughes had better prepare for life in the Schneider basement in Short Hills, New Jersey. Schneider’s wife, Jill, joined in the fun, suggesting that Hughes start calling her “mom.”

A few weeks later, the New Jersey Devils selected Hughes with the first-overall pick in the 2019 draft — setting the stage for a text message from Schneider to GM Ray Shero at training camp in September.

“Pretty sure this kid’s making the team. We’re ready if you want.”

And so Hughes, closer in age to Schneider’s 4-year-old son Wyatt than to the veteran NHL netminder, found his way to the Schneider basement where he and Wyatt would sometimes engage in some spirited knee hockey.

Hughes soaked up knowledge from living with an experienced NHLer. But it was also an educational experience for Schneider, who learned about a thing called TikTok and another thing called Instagram. Hughes, it turns out, is a star on both.

[...]

The Devils communication staff, for instance, was in contact with Hughes’ representatives about outside demands on the young player’s time. There are staff whose responsibility is to maintain communication with players’ families to help with things like tickets, travel and merchandise requests.

Immediately after the 2017 draft, the Devils’ No. 1 pick, Nico Hischier, and his family came to New Jersey and were shown the lay of the land.

Schneider and his wife had actually discussed at the time whether Hischier should live with them, but Jill was eight-months pregnant with the couple’s second child, so it wasn’t the best solution.

“I don’t think one size fits all,” Shero noted.

Defenseman Mirco Mueller had been acquired by the Devils that summer and was living, along with a number of other younger Devils, in a complex near Jersey City.

Hischier and his family, with input from the Devils, decided that he would live on his own near those players.

“That first year having Mirco around was huge for me,” Hischier said. “He’d been around. He knew what was going on.”

The fact the two were countrymen and had a familial connection involving Hischier’s older brother was also a natural gateway to feeling comfortable.

Quickly, Hischier found a rhythm with the help of Mueller, Jesper Bratt and Blake Coleman, among others, sharing rides to and from the rink and learning what an E-ZPass was.

“I wasn’t worried about anything,” Hischier said. “I felt really comfortable with New Jersey. I felt really welcome there. They took really good care of me and really good care of my whole family.”

Hischier said his mother was especially impressed with how the Devils handled things and helped get Hischier settled in. On the other side of the equation, the fact the Hischier family often made visits to New Jersey with generous supplies of Swiss chocolates for the staff was a welcome bonus to the relationship between player and team.

Hischier also had help with other things that can affect any young person living on their own for the first time: doubt, worries about bills, shopping and cooking.

Hischier settled into the NHL life almost seamlessly, scoring 20 times as a rookie.

“There was a 100 percent focus on hockey,” he said.

“The whole organization stood behind me and helped me in any aspect off the ice — and obviously on the ice, too — but off the ice more importantly. So I have less stuff to worry about.”

It is a sign of how young the NHL has become that, in an almost impossibly short period, Hischier has gone from the rookie to a veteran voice that was able to help guide Hughes through a similar landscape.

“I obviously could feel exactly what he is feeling,” Hischier said. “It’s not easy to come to the big show at that age, handle all that stuff, what’s going on outside.”

Support is key. Even after Hughes moved into his own place near Jersey City, part of the plan mapped out before the season, Jill Schneider would sometimes order a cleaning service for Hughes or drop by and fill his fridge with food.

It was all the more important in a year of tumult in New Jersey

By the end of Hughes’ first NHL season, he had seen former Hart Trophy winner Taylor Hall dealt to Arizona and his first NHL coach, John Hynes, fired. Then the man who selected him with the first pick, Shero, was also fired. Even his landlord, Schneider, was at one point sent to the American Hockey League.

“You couldn’t have scripted it any more chaotically for an 18-year-old kid in his first year in the league,” Schneider said. “It was one thing after another.”

Hughes struggled to find a groove, scoring just seven times and finishing with 21 points.

There were times when it was clear that losing and his lack of production were weighing on him.

“Look, he’s used to being the best player on the ice and scoring three points a night,” Schneider said. “He’s done it his whole career.”

“I would be like, ‘hey man, it’s your twelfth game in the league. It’s going to come.’ I think he understands that.”

The point? A career is not a straight line, no matter how talented you are.

Great advice for any No. 1 pick.

#jack hughes #nico hischier #corey schnieder #articles #queue #long post

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tunaababee · 2 days

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we will be everything we say - Chapter 6

masterlist // fic playlist // read on AO3 // overall rating: e // wc this chapter: 3.5k // updates Mondays (aest)

Feyre Archeron has been best friends with Rhysand Sterling ever since she moved onto the same street when they were kids - the two became absolutely joined at the hip, with nothing able to come between them.

As they get older, life gets more complicated and things get harder. Not everything comes as naturally as it once did. People change, things happen, friends... drift.

But after drifting apart, maybe life can push them back together again, in time.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

a/n: TW for mentions of parental death and abusive behaviours. if you're unable to handle that right now and would like a chapter summary, head to AO3 and look at the chapter's end notes! please look after yourself.

Chapter 6: twenty-three and twenty-four

Tension lingered in the air like a heavy fog, accompanying the grey clouds overhead that helped set the incredibly morose atmosphere. It was fitting, considering what was happening today.

Feyre sat with her sisters, side by side, in the front row of the funeral home. It was a small, simple service - their father had never been a very outgoing man, and it had only gotten worse after their mother had died. Elain had been the one to handle all of the correspondence with the florist, a blend of tulips, carnations, and baby’s breath all stark white in large bunches over the casket. Elain barely looked like herself, with the long-sleeved black dress seeming to drain her of life so much so that she seemed to rival the lifeless body of their father in the coffin at the front of the room. It didn’t help that Elain probably took his passing the hardest. Nesta, on the other hand, looked like she was in her element. Cold, sharp, all angles and precision. Her outfit looked like she was ready to go to a board meeting or an interview, all practicality and projecting that strong visage she held so deeply on to. Both sisters knew there were a lot of complicated feelings towards their father that were simmering just barely underneath the surface of that tailored coat and her a-line skirt, but nobody dared speak it. They just wanted to get through today and put it behind them. The three of them could unpack their own baggage at a later date.

Today Feyre was nervous for a couple of reasons - she’d never been very good at public speaking, and yet she was the one who was giving the eulogy. She heard the funeral officiant say her name, rising from her seat and moving to the front of the room like a ghost of herself, hands shaking slightly. Her hands smoothed out her dress anxiously, fingers moving to fiddle with the oversized sleeves of her long cardigan before she gripped the cistern. Her eulogy was true, but simple - he was a caring husband, a father who loved his daughters, a man who never quite recovered from his demons. The details of what she wrote were merely a haze in her mind as she read it off of the paper she had prepared. But that wasn’t the main reason she was nervous.

What really made her nervous today was the pair of piercing violet eyes looking straight at her from the very back of the room, feeling as if they were piercing her right in the gut.

He had shown up. She had been the one to invite him, after all, but she’d be lying if she said a part of her hadn’t wanted him to come simply to avoid having to talk to him at all. How do you pick back up where you left off with your best friend when you hadn’t talked to them in two years?

She already had to pace the apartment for an hour or so as she tried to send the text to him in the first place to let him know, to get the wording and the tone right, to hope to every god known to man that he still had the same number. To hope that he would come at all. She kept it clinical, at the end of the day.

“Hi there, Rhysand. I know it’s been a while, but I wanted to let you know that my dad passed away a few days ago.

The funeral is next week to the day at 11:00am if you’d like to attend and pay your respects. Prythian Funeral Home.

I hope you’re well.”

It was anxiety-inducing enough to have sent the text in the first place that she hadn’t even bothered to see if Rhys had replied. Instead, Feyre threw herself into funeral preparations - inviting all of her and her sisters’ close friends who had known him and any of his previous business associates he had left. It didn’t fill the room, but it made it feel less pathetic than just the three of them, and that’s all that mattered to them.

The whole time Feyre was up there, it was a pointed effort not to meet Rhys’ eyes. If she did, she felt like she was going to break. So her eyes kept flickering around the room. From Cassian to Amren, from Vassa to Lucien, to anyone but him. Him in his immaculate dress shirt and perfectly tailored trousers, his artfully arranged raven-black hair and his hands adorned in a smattering of silver bands he fiddled with out of the corner of her eye.

The rest of the service after that was a blur. Most people had cleared out of the funeral home to head to Elain’s for the wake - she had tried to offer to cook for everyone, but Feyre and Nesta insisted on catering as Elain had already done so much, was always doing so much. She was already letting Feyre live with her for the time being and it made her feel awful asking for much else. Feyre opted to linger behind, talking to almost each and every person who had come. She gathered up the flowers, made sure that they knew exactly which plot to bury him in - right with their mother - and that there was nothing else to be tended to. Really, she was using it as an escape and a moment to breathe. A moment to delay the inevitable.

And yet, Rhys had always had impeccable timing for better or worse. Today was no different.

He caught her sitting outside on the concrete steps of the funeral home, gazing listlessly into the near-empty parking lot. She didn’t turn to meet his eyes, couldn’t bear it, but was so acutely aware as he sat down on the steps with her. Rhys pressed his side into the wall, Feyre pressing into the railing, a gap that lingered heavily between them. Two years of self-imposed exile that she couldn’t help but feel ashamed about, and this is what it amounted to - two people who knew each other so deeply pretending like they barely knew anything anymore on the steps in a town they’d both called home. She could hear Rhys inhale, ready to break the silence, but she raced to go first. She was the one who had pushed him out in the first place, it was only fair that she had to be the one to try and let him back in.

“Thanks for coming today. You didn’t have to.” Feyre’s eyes were trained firmly on her hands folded into her lap. She could hear his breath hitch slightly, whether it was in relief or confusion or something else, she couldn’t tell.

“Of course I had to. Even if he wasn’t always the most… present person. He was still like a father to me. Still let me in his home, eat his food, stay over. It wouldn’t be right to miss it.” Rhys’ eyes flicked up to Feyre’s face and she could feel them practically burning a hole in her temple, her cheek, her eyes, everywhere she knew he was observing. Trying to get a read on her, trying to ask without being demanding.

“That… means a lot, Rhys. I know it’s been a while.”

A dry laugh escaped him. “Yeah, that’s, uh, that’s an understatement. But I can’t blame you for it.”

Feyre’s heart twisted in guilt and hurt at that. She deserved it - while he had been the one to kiss her, she had been the one to force that distance no matter how much she just wanted her best friend back. It wasn’t a stretch to imagine that Rhys would have probably been in a similar way. A heavy sigh passed her lips, turning her head to finally face him properly after two long years apart. He was very much the same, yet different. The same slant of his jaw, the same expressions she had known since she was young. But he was slightly taller, hints of tattoos peeking out beneath the collar of his shirt, a mild weariness about him that wasn’t there before. Maybe it had been hidden by his confidence the last time she saw him. It didn’t matter now - all that mattered was that he had shown up.

“Yeah, well… You weren’t the only one that fucked up that day. Don’t shoulder all of that on your own. God knows we’ve all made enough mistakes over the course of our lives, can’t keep beating yourself up for every slight you’ve made.” Not that it was going to stop her from beating herself up about it, but Rhys didn’t need to hear that part.

“I don’t know, I feel like I fucked up pretty bad. Lost my best friend a couple of years ago because I wanted to make things easier for her. Read the room wrong and ended up hurting her instead, it’s probably one of the biggest regrets I’ve ever had.” He turned his head to meet her gaze, eyes full of hurt and regret, yet an ever-present hope lingered behind them regardless. Feyre struggled to keep looking at him without faltering from nerves.

“What a coincidence, I lost my best friend a couple of years ago, too,” Feyre said, a dry chuckle escaping her. “I thought I knew exactly how my life should go and that he was a little bit insane. Pressure from my fiance didn’t help, so I iced him out and now I’m basically at rock bottom. I miss him a lot, but I don’t know if I can get him back. I hurt him pretty badly.”

“Feyre, I-”

“Rhys, if you’re about to apologise, I don’t want you to because you shouldn’t have to. I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t want to be friends or didn’t ever want to see me again after this-”

Before she could continue, Rhys’ hand darted out to grab a hold of both of her own, folded in her lap anxiously until he had bridged the gap between them.

“Feyre, I can’t imagine a world where we’re not in each other’s lives. Living through it was hell, and I’d rather die than experience that again.”

She could feel the dam of emotions she’d been holding inside of her heart begin to crack, tears welling up until they spilled over her cheeks and Rhysand was pulling her into his side, legs pressed together as they gave each other the first hug they’d shared in two whole years. Feyre’s arms squeezed around his waist like her life depended on it, his arms wrapped around hers like a comforting blanket. Like home.

“I missed you so fucking much, Rhys. I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, if I’m not allowed to apologise right now, neither are you.” Amusement had snuck into Rhys’ voice, and despite her tears and sniffles she couldn’t help but laugh a little. As her head moved to his shoulder, he moved his own head to rest on hers. Relief and catharsis thrummed through her veins all the way through to her toes.

“God, we’re fucking idiots. I can’t believe we let this go on for so long.”

“Tell me about it. I have no fucking clue what you’ve even been up to for the past two years.”

Feyre broke from the hug, wiping at her eyes with a small frown on her face as she sat up. “Wait, not even from Mor or anybody else..?”

“Not a peep. You said you wanted space, so I tried to respect your privacy.”

She couldn’t help but wheeze dryly a little at that. “So you don’t know? NIce of you to be so chivalrous, but even I’m surprised this didn’t get back to you. Fucking hell, okay.”

Confusion contorted Rhys’s features. “Feyre, I can’t emphasise enough how much I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

A tense moment of silence passed between them, Feyre taking a breath as she let the pause hang in the air for just a moment.

“...Tamlin and I split up. Probably about six months ago, now. Wasn’t exactly amicable to say the least.”

His hand came to rest on her shoulder softly. “Oh Feyre, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to pretend to be sad about it. I know how much everyone else couldn’t stand him.”

“I mean… Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to be happy. Run me through the past two years, tell me how this happened. We have a lot to catch up on anyway, right?”

“That's true. Were you after the full spiel or the summarised version?” She laughed slightly as she turned to him with a small smile. It was nice to be able to sit with him again, feeling at ease for the first time in a long while.

“Whatever you're willing to give me.”

“Well,” Feyre started dramatically, placing her hand over his on his knee. “About six months after we saw each other last, Tamlin and I ended up moving to Seattle so he could do… Business bullshit, I don't know. He very deliberately never involved me in the brewery stuff more than I needed to be, which was usually just as a pretty little toy. I mean, at the time I felt so special, y'know? All these trips, the move, the dresses. Really, it was the smaller things that got me - the food, the comfort. Things that I had to work for before. He told me so many wonderful things and that I was soooo perfect, so it was easy enough to fall into.

“It was kind of a whole ‘boiling a frog’ situation. He would make me feel so safe and loved before slowly coaxing me to do different stuff. Tamlin certainly didn't like me talking to you before all of this.”

“Of course, it's hard not to be intimidated by all this latent natural charm.” Rhys postured, fussing with his collar in a flair of dramatics that made the both of them giggle like they were back to being kids again.

“Of course! But, haha, he definitely wasn't enthused. So he let up for a bit after that. But soon it was getting me to dress up a little more each and every day, even when I was ducking out to get groceries or something. Phasing out things that we had in the pantry or the fridge - snacks would go missing, judging looks, shit like that. Then about a year ago we moved. It got worse after that.

“Literally the only people I knew after we moved were Tamlin and Lucien. Even Lucien didn't wanna be around him more than he had to by the end of things because it was getting unbearable. He could dress how he wanted, eat how he wanted, act how he wanted. He'd be perfectly content. But the minute I questioned things, it was like a fucking heel turn. Sometimes asking who he was on the phone with prompted him to start blaming all his problems on me. Telling me I was nothing but a piece of shit who made him feel depressed and awful. Every time I stepped out of line in his eyes he just got… angrier. Never hit me or anything, but fuck, I think he got close some days.”

She felt his hand on her shoulder tug her in close once more - the warm tears spilled reluctantly down her cheeks, though she'd be lying if she said she was surprised she was crying about it. The only other person who had heard about it until now was the therapist Lucien and her sisters had all pitched in to get her a few sessions with - she didn’t end up sticking with them, though. Not that Feyre hadn’t appreciated the gesture, but she didn’t feel quite ready. But with Rhys? She couldn’t help but spill her guts bare. She gently wiped at her eyes, taking a heavy breath before resuming.

“Anyways, uh… Finally got sick of it a little while after trying to cover up some of the mirrors in the house. I wasn’t painting or drawing anymore, he said that it was a dumb hobby and that it was beneath me. Didn’t have any hobbies anymore, really. No job, either. My entire wardrobe was full of these designer labels and uncomfortable dresses - piles of heels and bags and accessories. Gaudy, flashy jewelry as far as the eye could see. I was so gaunt, I didn’t have any life left in me. I dressed how he wanted, looked how he wanted, talked how he wanted, ate how he wanted. Thought how he wanted me to as well, that I wasn’t worth anything unless I was by his side,” She scoffed slightly, looking up at the sky a little as her head came to rest on Rhysand’s shoulder.

“But I had a kind of lucid moment where I was covering up those mirrors, not wanting to even be here anymore where I was just like, what am I even doing here? I was in such a gilded fucking cage and so sick of it. Tamlin was on one of his rare solo trips at the time so I just… left. Texted Lucien - he’d seen me deteriorating for a while and tried to get me to see things differently before, but it was hard when I was so isolated, y’know? He helped me get all my shit out. Left Tamlin with nothing but a note and that ugly fucking ring. Blocked him on everything. Let Nesta and Elain know, and the rest is history. Been living with Elain back in Prythian since, teaching nighttime painting classes and working as a cashier to try and save up enough money to move out.” Feyre sniffled a little before putting a big smile on her face and turning to Rhys, bringing her hands under her chin to frame it in an effort to lighten the heavy atmosphere. If she didn’t try to take it at least a little less seriously, then she was just going to get in her head about the whole situation all over again, and that’s the last thing she wanted. Not when she had come so far already.

“Shit, Feyre… Can’t say I can beat that in terms of a one-eighty.” Rhys smiled at her slightly, a smidge of sadness mixed with a dose of pride in his stare. She let out a little laugh in turn.

“Hey, go big or go home, right?”

“You never did anything half-assed, that’s for sure.” Rhys took her hand resting upon his knee into both of his, squeezing gently. “I’m just glad you’re happier. That you’re safe. We have plenty of time for all of that ‘I told you so’ type of shit later.”

Feyre simply rolled her eyes, nudging his side with her own. “Thanks, Rhys. But what about you? I can’t just dump all of the ways my life temporarily turned into a tire fire only to not hear about you in return.”

Rhys shuffled a little uncomfortably beside her - he always had trouble when the focus shifted to him in anything more than a surface level, necessary capacity. It was his turn to sigh heavily, looking down at the ground. His head tilted to rest on top of hers, like not a second had passed between when they had been thick as thieves up to now.

“Well, it’s kind of weird. I mean, I’ve done a lot but at the same time not a lot has changed. I’m still close with everybody, especially Cass and Az, but I know that wouldn’t surprise anybody.”

Feyre chuckled slightly. “Well duh, you guys are brothers at this point. It’d be weirder if you weren’t still close.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, the two paused for a moment. There was a sentence unspoken between them that they both knew deep in their bones, hanging in the air like a sword of Damocles - it wouldn’t have been as weird as when the two of them stopped talking. But neither of them needed to tell the other that. That fact was as true as the sky being blue or the grass being green. Rhys broke the tension first, not wanting to linger on it any longer than the two of them had to.

“I ended up leaving Prythian about a year ago, though. Dad had died - he hadn’t been in good health for a while, so nobody was surprised. I finally fully inherited the business instead of just being a figurehead beneath him, but I never really had any interest in it. I did well in my business degree but it just… never quite clicked with me the way I think he hoped it would. It wasn’t exactly a huge emotional loss to me when he went. Ended up selling the whole thing and moving to New York, actually.”

“Makes sense - you always struck me as a city guy.”

“What can I say? I have very particular taste.” The two chuckled in tandem, the warmth of it rumbling through Feyre’s throat and chest.

“But anyway, I actually ended up putting my degree to use and started my own business. I picked up tailoring and design from Mom way back when and I always enjoyed it, so why not, right? It felt good - feels good - to still have that connection to her. Started out just selling stuff online before I moved into some actual brick and mortar stores. There’s not a lot, but they’re going well at least.”

Feyre sat up, surprise and delight written all over her face at the news. “Holy shit, that’s amazing Rhys! I’m so proud of you - ‘not much has changed’ my ass! You’re like a big business mogul now.”

Rhys raised his eyebrows at her. “Feyre, I’m literally just a small business owner.” “Yeah, now, but you’ve always been ambitious. You’re gonna be some thriving CEO type in no time.”

“Sure, whatever you say, Archeron.” Rhys smirked, mussing up Feyre’s hair a little while taking care to make sure the silver rings he wore didn’t catch in the strands. She didn’t hesitate to mess his own hair up in return, mock offense spreading over his features before melting into a laugh.

“But seriously, I meant it when I said not much has changed, in a way. I live in a new place now and I’ve got a business going, but I still talk to the same people. I don’t go out much, I’m a pretty big homebody unless it’s for any of our inner circle. It all feels so… the same. But not, if that makes sense.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I get that.” With that, Feyre pushed up and off of the stairs, brushing down the back of her dress and cardigan to neaten them up as she stood. She turned to Rhys, reaching a hand out to help him up. It was a handy excuse to touch him again anyway, to feel some of the closeness she had been missing for so long.

Sitting and talking with Rhys so casually felt like a puzzle piece she didn’t entirely realise had gone missing clicked back into place. Everything felt so right and comfortable - like her world had been spinning on a slightly wrong angle, only to be righted with a gentle touch again. He took the hand she offered as he stood up - not that he needed the help. Rhys looked down at her with something that Feyre couldn’t quite pick, something between reverence and relief. She would take either. It didn’t matter so long as they could be in each other’s lives again.

“C’mon, we should head to the wake. If we’re overly late, I think Nesta might lose it a little.” Feyre cocked her head in the direction of her car, a small black thing in the back corner of the parking lot.

“...As in, we go to the wake together?” He almost looked like a lost puppy as he posed the question. Feyre rolled her eyes with a little smile and dragged him by the arm towards her car.

“No shit. You’re my best friend, and I’ve missed you. I’m not gonna have you wasting money on an Uber when we could spend more time catching up on the way there. If I can’t spend my days beating myself up for shutting you out, then I can at least make the most of letting you back in.”

Rhys nodded almost dumbly as he climbed into the passenger seat, looking over at Feyre as the two buckled themselves into the car.

“...I’d really love that, Feyre. I’ve missed you too.”

The feeling that washed over Feyre’s bones was something that she didn’t think could ever be beat - that things would work out and be okay after all, in the end.

#feysand #rhysand x feyre archeron #fanfiction #rhysand #feyre archeron #acotar #acotar fanfiction #friends to lovers

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dcxdpdabbles · 2 days

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Hi!! I love your writing. And every idea you have is so well done, i admire you. Do you have any tips for writing?

Thank you so much! I'm glad my writing and random rambles entertain you. It's always so lovely to realize people generally like how I write!

Tips: Pick a POV you understand.

It's always been easier for me to pick one character and tell the story from their POV. The best way to do that is to try to think how a character would naturally think compared to the characters they interact with.

For example, Dick- He's much more emotionally aware than his family only because he is often times trying to mentally calm himself down. He tends to have severe anger issues- not that he flies off the handle quickly, but more like when he gets mad, he gets dangerous.

He doesn't like that part of himself, so he's always trying to control his emotions. Dick just happens to be a really emotional guy.

That's why his thoughts tend to be more about observations of people's behavior, compared to Tim, who is always mentally connecting facts and thinking objectively about observations. Tim will more likely notice things like what someone is wearing, how likely that person is to be in the area they are spotted in, and how he can use this information to his advantage.

That doesn't mean either they are dumb or dense; they just tend to notice different things in different order.

This helps you know when to make key plot points appear and when to announce them to the audience in a more natural setting. Foreshadowing, too- You can drop it in an observation like Dick noticing Danny's face brightens when talking about ghosts or Tim noticing Danny never pays attention to how cold it is by never wearing warm clothes. It's not enough to make a leap that Danny is a ghost, but little things like that can add up until the Character has an A-ha! Moment.

It makes it easier for you to make the characters feel different and not just copies of each other.

Also, when describing what your character is noticing, you need to start off with one thing and build your way out. When you walk into a park, you don't usually take the whole place in at once- bombarding your brain with everything.

You usually launch onto something- say the big tree in the middle- and pan your eyes around the park, taking notice of other things after that. The children are playing, the birds are singing, the cars are passing by, etc. As the character moves around the setting, write what they see one by one with actions in between, so it's not a wall of description.

That is if you like a wall of description. It's some people's writing style, and each their own! Writing is a form of art, and all art is self-expression. There is no right or wrong way to go, so enjoy yourself too! Technical skills are built on, but passion is fundamental and you can't have passion without enjoyment.

#dcxdpdabbles #mun speaks #Writing Tips #I hope this help #You guys are the best

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devilsrecreation · 3 days

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Skink personality headcanons

Inspired by/adding onto @spinnysocks ‘s post

Nyeusi:

-Along with being the stealthiest skink, he’s also the quietest of the bunch. While Ed and Neema don’t talk but still communicate through sounds, Nyeusi prefers to stay absolutely silent. When he does make noises like hissing or flicking his tongue, it’s only around the skinks (and Ushari when he was alive). Only time where he hisses or flicks his tongue at someone else is to insult them

-While he doesn’t have anger issues like Kenge does, it’s not that hard to piss him off. All you have to do is shove him aside and he’s already plotting revenge against you

-The skinks sometimes forget he’s there. They’ll be talking, Nyeusi suddenly flicks his tongue to comment on something, and Njano would be like “Have you been here the whole time?”

-Romance repulsed aroace; you can go do your thing with your partner, he’ll just he over by his favorite rock trying not to puke

Nyata:

-She’s one of the least likely to get mad other than Njano. She gets more amused if anything

-She’s very sassy and quick-witted. She can come up with the best comebacks on the spot and it never ceases to amuse Shupavu

-She’s definitely very smug, often mocking Nyeusi after beating him in a race. She’s competitive like that

-Honestly has a little respect for Kinyonga. Not everyone can outrun her. I like to think after Kinyonga escaped her and Nyeusi, she went “Huh…respect” before getting up to go after her. I’m not saying she likes being beaten, but she’s a good sport lol

Green female skink (who my friend has named Nyororo):

-I have a feeling she’s the flirty one, managing to sweet-talk her way into getting what she wants. All she has to do is bat her eyelashes, maybe tickle someone with her tail, and she’s getting her way no matter what. It’s only until after she’s long gone when you’d realize you’ve been tricked

-She always knows exactly what to say in every situation in order to trick someone, it’s actually kinda scary

-She’s actually known Shupavu for a while, about as long as Njano has. Maybe even longer. They’ll tell each other everything and it’s the one time Nyororo’s sweetness isn’t a trick. It’s why she sometimes joins Shupavu and Njano on missions

-You could definitely beat her at her own game by flirting with/complimenting her back. It’s not super easy though. You have to have a certain trick up your sleeve and that trick is being a girl. She can handle guys, but if it’s a girl flirting with her, she’ll get all flustered

Waza:

-Waza’s the mediator and the most chill of the group. When two skinks are arguing, he’s the one to step in and resolve it either by talking to them or by slapping them with his tail (whichever is easier at the moment lol)

-I like to think his keen eye is…inconvenient at times. He notices when someone tries to sneak away or catches someone doing weird stuff when they think they’re alone, yet he couldn’t see where Kinyonga went when the skinks were chasing her. Waza wasn’t paying attention when someone does something suspicious but somehow knows all the cutesy nicknames Reirei calls Goigoi when she thinks she’s alone

-He’s sometimes quick to assume

-Has a plan for everything cuz he comes up with all kinds of scenarios in his head

Orange skink, who that same friend has called Hasira (anger):

-You know those grumpy, sometimes old characters who get annoyed by just about everything the main character does? Yeah, that’s Hasira

-He’s definitely the eldest in the group, about middle-aged in skink years

-He’s seen it all, but not in a “wise mentor” kind of way. It’s more like “I’ve been through a lot of bullshit and I’m just done” lmao

-He’s also kind of a reluctant babysitter to everyone. Shupavu may be the leader, but he’s the one making sure no one actually dies hfhfgfg

#finally got around to doing this #i love making headcanons for background characters #it’s pretty fun #nyeusi’s my favorite background skink #but all of their designs are really great #skinks #tlg outlanders #the lion guard

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irulaan · 3 days

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I think Raphael would be a terrible father. At least at the beginning (we’re ignoring the fact he’s literally The Devil™. jk we can’t)

Welcome to my ted talk, it’s just a bunch of words. I doubt this makes any sense

Despite my belief that he's adept at charming people and appearing nice, he still manages to do some terrible things to children (eeeh, Mol?). Like, seriously, a contract with a child? Even if we all know he could charm a piece of furniture into whatever he wants. So, handling a somewhat grown-up child wouldn't be a challenge for him, I guess.

A toddler? Absolute hassle. He doesn’t harbor strong feelings about them, nor does he find them repulsive, but he does consider them utterly useless. Requiring round-the-clock attention, they're a burden he can't comprehend why anyone would want. If handed a toddler, honestly, he'd let them cry until they're so exhausted they fall asleep.

Another reason why I think he would make a terrible parent (aside from the fact that he’s literally a devil) is his relationship with his own father, which is also awful. I mean, he absolutely despises Mephistopheles. I'd venture to say it's because Raphael feels like his father believes he's incapable of achieving his ambitious goals. Plus, our dear devil often behaves like a petulant child who didn’t get what they wanted (remember the whole crown of Karsus and so on).

Let’s continue… ehem, Enver Gortash? Like Raphael had this poor child inside his House of Hope where he was beaten by debtors and saw a lot of atrocities. Yeah, he doesn’t even have a paternal instinct.

Ugh, I’m feeling like a Raphael hater!

Let’s move on to the somewhat delulu part: Actual children of his own… finally!

Since our dear devil is a cambion, possessing this inherent humanity within himself (like his penchant for singing, poetry, and writing), I believe he craves things that mortals have, such as affection, closeness or even love (but doesn’t understand it). So, if someone is foolish enough to have children with him, I think he would see it as an opportunity to mold someone from their very first breath. Everything he does is connected to his grand ambition of becoming the king of hell, so having a child doesn’t sound too bad in that context.

He would completely ignore his child’s needs and would be pretty negligent overall. Would plot against Mephistopheles with them.

But to be loved is to be changed, and if someone is both brave enough to love him and start a family with him… well, I think we can appeal to his more human side. I think he could be able to feel ‘love’ for his child but he’s never going to be able to be a decent father. He will go from evil to mean. I really hope their other parental figure is treating them with love.

I think his first child ever will grow to resent him, even if Raphael tried to shape them to be a piece of his giant plan. Mortals are bounded to emotions.

But this is fantasy! I’d be delulu sometimes thinking he could be a great dad! Like actually being warm to his sons and daughters, reading poetry and living in a quiet home, away from the city and near a lake.

#raphael bg3 #raphael bg3 x reader #raphael bg3 x tav #raphael the cambion #rafi <3

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roomsofangel · 14 hours

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LOVER, PLEASE STAY. . .

chapter five

synopsis you and wooyoung have been best friends for as long as you could remember, always overcoming everything in your friendship even after a few bumps in the road and confessions in the past. you could always trust that no matter wooyoung will always be there, right?

wc 4.4k

chapter warnings none that really come to mind, but there is a drug mention in the end but not an actual scene and this chapter surrounds a death anniversary so there is mentions of such and of grief!

a/n aaandd we’re back! can you believe only two more chapters? i didn’t think i’d receive so much love for such a small little idea that prompted this but i’m very very grateful! i also mentioned in the last update about me trying to get ateez tickets and i got them! totally still processing it all— but with such being said, these last few chapters are definitely going to be long and include a lot so get comfy:3

if you’d like to be added to the taglist please either send an ask in my inbox or leave a comment to be added to the taglist! reblogs and comments are also very appreciated! ♥️

your thoughts were a jumbled up mess as the memory of wooyoung’s emotional outburst the night before came rushing back to you as soon as your eyes had opened. you could barely remember all the details of what he had told you, but the fact that he had been so vulnerable before you was still clear in your mind. you weren't sure how things would be between you now that he had shared the part of him he had tried so hard to keep away from you, but you were hoping if anything did change — it’d be a positive shift. you don’t think you could handle more pressure of wooyoung’s misery if it continued on

because sure, misery loved its company, but it was starting to overstay its welcome

you sat alone for a while, trying to make sense of what had happened. wooyoung’s words still lingered in your mind, and you couldn't help but feel a mixture of guilt and frustration. you knew that you shouldn't have gotten angry with him at first, that you should have been more understanding. but your fear for him was overwhelming, and it was hard to think rationally when your feelings were so strong.

as you continued to think, something occurred to you. you recalled how yeosang had acted in the weeks leading up to the events that you were starting to believe haunted wooyoung more than he let on. yeosang had been distant and secretive, withdrawing and disappearing suddenly without a word. you hadn't really thought about it at the time, for the sake of your own denial and sanity — but now you couldn't help but compare that behavior with wooyoung

“what if he ends up like—“

you remembered san’s words, how he was about to mention the name that the seven of you haven't said in nearly two years, and the guilt and ache that came with it. yeosang’s name was almost taboo now, and the mere mention of him could send chills running through your body. however, you weren’t able to sink yourself further into your own rues due to the sound of a knock dragging you back into reality

"come in," you called out, your voice shaky. you held your breath as the door creaked open, dreading the person who was on the other side. to your relief, it was wooyoung, who looked exhausted and frazzled.

wooyoung laid down on your bed, his body slumping over as if he was completely spent. the exhaustion and desperation were both obvious in his manner, and he looked like he was on the edge of breaking down again. "can i have a hug?" he asked, his voice cracking and his composure breaking. "just one hug..." he begged, his words broken by a deep breath and a choked-back sob. his hands were shaking as he reached them out towards you.

you couldn't help but feel your heart breaking for him. you walked over to him and sat on the edge of the bed, gently taking his hands into yours. you pulled him towards you, into a tight embrace. his grip was tight, and he didn't let go even when you gently tried to pull away.

he looked up at you with tear-filled eyes and a small, pleading gesture, almost like a child asking for something. "could i..." he hesitated, as if he was afraid of being rejected. his voice broke as the words fell out of his mouth. "could i sleep here tonight?” wooyoung’s voice was still shaky and broken as he spoke. he just didn't want to be alone tonight. he didn't want to face the emptiness and silence of his own bed, and he was hoping that by sleeping in yours with you, he would be able to find a bit of comfort and warmth that he knows he’s been depriving himself of

"yeah.. okay," you said softly, unable to bear seeing him like this. you took his hand into yours and squeezed gently. "you can stay here tonight." you paused, realizing just how intimate a moment this was, but you also understood his desperation and could not deny him. he was your weakness, your downfall.

"thank you," he said softly, his hands trembling slightly in yours. he just needed a few hours of reprieve, a chance to rest his exhausted mind in a familiar place.

"i appreciate it more than you know," he said, nuzzling his head into your neck. his breath was hot on your skin, and he was so close to you. you could feel his body trembling lightly, but you could also feel his heartbeat as he rested his head against your flesh, his hands holding you tightly.

"i just..." he was silent for a beat, trying to gather his thoughts. "i just want some comfort... just want to feel close to you again." he was shaking from exhaustion and emotion, the weight of everything finally catching up to him. you held him close, your bodies pressed against one another as he buried his head in your neck.

he clung to you tightly, not letting go. he was shaking in your arms, his breath coming fast and heavy. "i’m so tired... so tired," he whispered to you. "i want to feel safe and secure again..." he leaned his head heavier into your neck, his body completely slack in your hands, as if he could no longer support himself.

"you’re safe..." you said the words again, hoping that he would believe it. you gripped him tighter, your hands massaging his back as you tried to soothe him. it was difficult... you, yourself felt anxious and unsure. you wanted to provide him with the comfort he needed, but you were unsure of yourself, of whether or not you could do it.

"i know..." he mumbled, shifting in his position so that he was lying on his side with his back pressed against you. he was breathing slowly, but his breath was short and shallow, and you could hear his heart pounding rapidly against your skin. "i know i’m safe with you," he continued, his voice slightly shaken.

he broke off again, unable to speak, his breath suddenly hitching and a heavy silence filling the room. "it’s been two years," he whispered, choking back his tears. you knew instantly that he was talking about yeosang. “and yet..." he muttered, his breath quickening as the memories came rushing to his mind once more. his voice broke again, as if he couldn't bear to say the words.

you felt the weight of his fear, his anxiety, and his worry, as he gripped you tighter and pressed himself all the more into you.

he could feel you squeezing him back, comforting him in this moment of weakness. you were holding each other tightly, and for a moment, it was as if the rest of the world didn't exist. there was just the two of you... him and his fear... and you and your embrace.

"and then i think about the anniversary coming up..." he mumbled, barely holding on to his composure. your instinct was right, yeosang’s anniversary was causing this sudden spiral, which was only magnified by his fatigue and exhaustion. you could feel the weight of his words, the weight of his pain, but you also felt the weight of the tragedy and its impact on his psyche.

wooyoung paused for a moment, gathering his composure again. "i tried to hide it," he muttered. "i tried to deal with it on my own... i tried to be strong for everyone else when it happened." he sighed deeply as his breath hitched again. "i didn't want any of you to worry... or to deal with my pain too..."

you moved wooyoung so that he was facing you, your hands still holding him tight. he looked up at you, his eyes filled with pain, with exhaustion. you gently moved a few strands of his hair out of his face, and you could see his skin was damp with sweat.

"i just..." he mumbled, his eyes shifting away from you again.

"…didn't want to be a burden.” he was silent for a moment, his breath still coming in short, rapid gasps. "i couldn't bear to make you guys worry... so i hid it... i hid everything..." he struggled to continue, as a few tear fell from his eyes.

wooyoung’s eyes shifted back to you, his expression one of deep desperation and guilt. you could see the tear trails streaming down his cheeks as he struggled to breathe. "i didn't mean for it to turn out like this..." he breathed out, his voice barely holding on.

“i don’t want to” he said, choking back more sobs. "i don’t want to end up like sangie... i didn’t mean to go down this path..." he was losing his composure, his anxiety and sadness spiraling out of control.

you held him close, your grip tightening around him as you tried to instill as much reassurance as you could. you felt his body trembling and twitching in your grip, and he was holding onto you for dear life. his expression was one of pure fear and sadness, and his tears kept falling down his cheeks.

you continued to hold him tight, your hands massaging his back as you kept speaking to him. "i know... i know..." he was trembling, you could feel the heat of his skin as you moved your palms over him, your touch soft and comforting. "i know you didn't..." you were saying, your voice soft and reassuring.

"i know you're afraid... i know you didn't want any of this to be happening..." your hands continuing to massage his back. wooyoung still clung onto you, as if he didn't trust himself to stand on his own right now.

you continued to talk to him in a soothing voice, your words meant to calm him and bring him back to reality. "it’s not your fault, wooyoung... you’re going to be okay..." you could feel him start to relax a little bit, his body slowly becoming less rigid. his breathing was still coming fast, but it was starting to slow down and become more controlled.

"for as long as i’m here…” you said, your voice even softer now. “you’re going to have someone who loves you and who will never give up on you, wooyoung… never." your words were meant to bring him even more comfort and reassurance, and you could feel the weight of them resonate with him as he held onto you tighter.

you could feel wooyoung continuing to relax even more into your embrace, as if your words were giving him a sense of security and love that he desperately needed. “i’ll always be here for you… i won’t ever leave you to deal with any of this on your own…” you said, continuing to hold him, your hands gently massaging his back with each word you spoke to help soothe him even more.

"i promised that day, didn’t i?" you said softly, "do you remember?" you waited for his response, silently hoping that it would bring back good memories and comfort to him. your fingers gently ran through his hair, and you held him even tighter, hoping that it would help him feel safe and loved.

"yeah," he mumbled, the memories of that day flooding his mind. "we were ten." wooyoung pulled you closer to him, taking comfort in your embrace. "we were young and naive... but we still promised..." his voice trailed off, filled with a mixture of sadness and nostalgia.

"but i’m still here, aren't i?" you said gently, your eyes meeting his. wooyoung nodded, a small smile forming on his lips. his grip on you loosened slightly as a sense of relief washed over him.

"can... can i kiss you?" he was staring at you, his expression one of vulnerability and anticipation. you could see the mixture of hope and desire in his eyes, your face flushed a soft pink, and you nodded slowly, a small but warm smile playing on your lips. wooyoung leaned in gently, closing the distance between you as he pressed his lips against yours.

his lips felt soft and gentle against yours as he pressed them against you. you felt a warm, tingly sensation wash over you, and instinctively, you closed your eyes. wooyoung’s hand moved to the back of your head, gently pulling you closer as he deepened the kiss. your bodies melted into one another, and you felt a sense of warmth and contentment radiating from both of you as he held you tightly. his lips moved against yours, and you could feel the longing and need behind the gesture.

wooyoung’s hand held the back of your neck firmly but gently, and his touch felt warm and comforting. the kiss continued, deeper and more passionate with each passing moment. you could feel your heart rate increasing and your breath speeding up, as your bodies pressed against each other. you could almost feel him pouring all of his love and need into that kiss, as if he was trying to tell you how much he needed you and wanted to feel close to you.

you felt wooyoung’s tongue gently trace over your lips. you parted your lips slightly and allowed him to enter your mouth, the sensation sending a shiver down your spine. his tongue slowly explored every inch of your mouth, and you felt a wave of heat wash over you as he pressed himself even closer to you.

as the kiss broke off, you could hear wooyoung panting softly, his expression one of desire, love, and need. however, he quickly gathered himself and pulled back slightly, his eyes meeting yours again. he took a moment to catch his breath before speaking softly, "i… i don't want our firsts to be like this."

"i… i just..." he stuttered, his voice trailed off as he tried to find the words to express himself. you could see the regret and guilt in his eyes as he looked at you, knowing that he had let his emotions take over again. he let out a soft sigh and looked down, avoiding your gaze for a moment before speaking again. "i’m sorry," he whispered, his voice low and filled with remorse. "i shouldn’t have done that... not like this."

you reached out and touched wooyoung’s chin gently, lifting his face up so that he was looking at you. "hey," you whispered softly, your voice filled with love and reassurance. "it’s okay." you held him in your embrace as you continued, "it’s okay. i understand." he looked at you, his eyes searching yours for any hint of disappointment or disdain, but all he found was warmth and comfort.

you held wooyoung in your arms, rubbing his back soothingly as you spoke softly to him. "let’s just get some rest, okay?" you whispered. "everything is okay." you knew that he needed time to process his thoughts and feelings, and that rest would do him good. "we’ll figure this out tomorrow," you said softly, your voice assuring and gentle. "for now, just rest."

you continued to soothingly rub his back, the warmth of your touch helping to calm his nerves and ease his mind. you could feel his body start to relax again in your embrace, as if he was slowly letting go of the tension and emotion that had been weighing him down. his breathing slowed, and he snuggled in closer to you, seeking comfort and security.

"everything is going to be okay," you whispered again, your words a soothing mantra to both him and yourself.

"me and wooyoung kissed last night," you spoke softly while standing under the streetlight with seonghwa. the words left your lips quietly, and you could see the surprise and disbelief on seonghwa’s face as he listened to you speak. you knew that hongjoong would have a more concerned and negative reaction, but right now, you just needed someone to talk to about what had happened. you waited patiently for hongjoong to park the car, feeling the weight of your confession hanging in the air between you and seonghwa.

seonghwa’s expression shifted to one of concern and compassion. he could sense the hesitation in your own words and could see that you were conflicted about what had happened. "are you okay?" he asked softly, leaning in to hear you better in the dim light.

you took a deep breath and continued, "it just happened, hwa." you glanced down, “we kissed.... i mean... he kissed me, and i kissed him back... i don't know what it means... or what to do next…"

seonghwa listened in silence, he knew that you were going through a lot right now and needed someone to listen to you. he squeezed your shoulder reassuringly, silently showing you that he was there for you. "it’s okay," he said softly. "you don't have to figure it out right now." he knew that you were confused and uncertain about what this kiss meant for your relationship with wooyoung.

seonghwa continued speaking, his voice filled with concern and sincerity. "just make sure you don’t get hurt down the road, okay?" he said softly. "i know hongjoong wants what's best, too." he knew that hongjoong was going to be the rational, realistic one in this situation, but seonghwa also understood the complexity of your feelings for wooyoung and was trying to offer you a balanced perspective.

seonghwa’s words hung in the air, prompting you to consider the implications of your budding relationship with wooyoung and the potential risks involved. you knew that hongjoong’s approach might be more practical and pragmatic, but seonghwa’s point of view was important too. "you’re the only one who can decide what's best for you in this situation," he added softly. "just be cautious and take care of yourself, okay?"

you felt a wave of gratitude towards seonghwa in that moment, knowing that he was trying to help you navigate this situation with clarity and compassion. you turned to face him more, a warm and sincere smile playing on your lips. "thank you, hwa," you said softly. "really. i appreciate your support and advice."

seonghwa’s expression softened, and he looked at you with concern in his eyes. "of course, yn," he said softly. a hint of worry crossed his face as he continued, "but i’m also just worried for wooyoung. has he said anything to you?" the worry in seonghwa voice was evident, and you could sense that he was just as concerned about wooyoung’s well-being as he was about yours.

"before we kissed," you began softly, nodding in acknowledgment, "the anniversary is coming up." as you spoke, your gaze shifted to seonghwa, and you knew that he understood exactly what you meant without further explanation. a hint of sadness crossed your features as you continued, "he opened up to me about it, and i’ve never seen him so vulnerable before." your voice was filled with a mixture of pain and sympathy, and your eyes reflected the weight of wooyoung’s emotions

"out of the decades i’ve spent alongside him, i’ve never seen him like that, hwa," you whispered softly, your voice filled with a deep sense of sadness and pain. your eyes shimmered with tears as you recalled wooyoung’s vulnerability and the raw emotions he had shared with you. you felt a heavy weight in your chest, knowing that the anniversary was approaching and that it would likely bring up memories and feelings that would be difficult for all of you to handle.

you felt a lump forming in your throat as you continued, your words barely above a whisper, "it was like he opened up his heart and let me see his pain and his fear for once in a long time. i could see how much he's still hurting, and it breaks my heart to see him like that... to know that he's carrying all of that pain and trauma all on his own just for the sake of not worrying us." your own pain evident in your voice, reaching out to gently hold seonghwa’s hand for comfort.

seonghwa listened intently, his expression filled with empathy and concern. he squeezed your hand gently, offering silent support. "what did he say?" he asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "did he talk about the anniversary and how he's feeling?" your emotions were a tangled mix of empathy, concern, and sadness, and you felt a deep sense of helplessness knowing that there was little you could do to ease wooyoung’s pain.

you swallowed hard, trying to push down the overwhelming emotions that were threatening to consume you. "he spoke about it," you began, your voice catching on the words, "he told me how scared he is, how much pain he's still in." you took a deep breath, taking a moment to compose yourself before continuing, "he doesn't want us to worry, but i can tell that he's struggling."

"and i can’t help but worry," you said quietly, "i’m scared that he might go down the same path that yeosang did." your words hung in the air, the weight of the past haunting your thoughts and fueling your worry for wooyoung.

seonghwa nodded in agreement, his expression mirroring your concern. "i know," he whispered back, his voice soft and filled with understanding. "me too."

after parking the car and walking to where you and seonghwa were standing, waiting for him, hongjoong noticed the tension in the air and the serious expressions on both of your faces. he raised an eyebrow, his gaze shifting from one of you to the other, before speaking up, "what’s going on? everything okay?"

“we were talking about yeosang.” seonghwa whispered

hongjoong’s expression darkened as soon as he heard seonghwa’s words. he knew the topic was a sensitive one and that mentioning yeosang would bring up difficult memories and emotions for all of you who were still healing and in grief in your own ways. "oh..," he said softly, his voice tinged with sadness and resignation. he didn't need any more explanation; he understood the heaviness that had settled over the three of you

“wooyoung told me more last night, i’m scared he’s going to go down that same path.” you expressed quietly

hongjoong’s concern deepened further upon hearing your words. he knew that your worry was well-founded and shared your fear that wooyoung might follow the same path that yeosang had taken. his expression was grave, but he also knew that you couldn't let your worries consume you and cloud your judgment. "we have to keep an eye on him," hongjoong said firmly. "we can't let history repeat itself."

seonghwa voiced his concern, a frown settling on his features. "but what if that makes him pull away more?" he looked at you and hongjoong, his expression filled with worry and uncertainty. you all knew that wooyoung had a tendency to isolate himself when he was experiencing difficult emotions, and you didn't want him to shut either of you out completely. hongjoong and you both nodded in agreement with seonghwa’s point, the weight of their worry growing heavier as you three considered the potential challenges ahead.

hongjoong’s expression tightened as he considered wooyoung’s possible reaction. "you’re right," he finally said, his voice firm yet tinged with sadness. "we need to approach this carefully."

"if we come on too strong, he might feel like we’re encroaching on his privacy and drive him further away." hongjoong’s voice was filled with a mixture of determination and concern. he knew how stubborn and independent wooyoung could be, and you needed to find a balance between providing support and respecting his boundaries.

as you thought about the situation, you recalled wooyoung’s reaction nights ago, when you had stumbled upon the truth and how he was using drugs to cope with everything. you recalled the immediate defensiveness and closed-off behavior he had displayed, and the memory stirred up a mix of hurt and worry within you. you knew that you didn't want to repeat that situation, both for your own emotional well-being and for wooyoung’s sake as well.

“but we also have another thing, joong,” seonghwa sighed making hongjoong’s eyebrow raise in confusion and curiosity, especially when seonghwa’s gaze shifted to you, “they kissed last night.”

hongjoong’s eyebrows fully shot up in surprise at seonghwa’s revelation, and his confusion deepened as he turned his gaze towards you. this added a whole new layer of complexities to the situation, "wait, what?" hongjoong’s voice held a mixture of shock and intrigue as he looked at you for confirmation. "you and wooyoung kissed?"

your cheeks flushed slightly at the question, but you nodded in confirmation. "yeah," you whispered softly, "it happened last night."

hongjoong’s gaze remained focused on you, his mind processing this and its potential significance. he took a deep breath, trying to navigate the situation. "how did it happen?" he asked softly

your gaze shifted downward as you gathered your thoughts, the memory of the moment playing out in your mind. "i... i was comforting him," you began, your voice soft and a hint of embarrassment in your tone. "we were in my room, and i was just reminding him that i’m here for him." you paused, taking a breath before continuing, "then... he asked if he could kiss me."

hongjoong listened intently as you recounted the events of the night before, his expression a mixture of surprise, curiosity, and concern. "he asked to kiss you?" he questioned softly, his eyebrow raised in surprise.

you nodded, your gaze still fixed on the floor. "yes," you whispered softly, your voice barely audible. the memory of that moment was still vivid in your mind, the warmth of wooyoung’s touch and the intensity of his request lingering like a ghost.

your gaze flickered up to hongjoong as he spoke, the concern in his voice evident. hongjoong’s expression held a mixture of worry and sympathy, his eyes filled with a depth of emotion that mirrored his words. "yn," he whispered softly, his voice barely above a breath, "i just don't want you getting hurt."

you swallowed hard, the weight of hongjoong’s words sinking deep within you. "i know," you managed to whisper, your voice barely audible above the thoughts swirling inside you. the raw vulnerability of the moment washed over you, and you couldn't help but feel a mix of warmth and fear at the depth of your connection. you knew that hongjoong was right to worry about you, and you couldn't shake off the nagging feeling that things could go wrong, that you could end up getting hurt due to letting your love cloud your judgement.

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