#i can’t sleep anymore idk i wish i was dead a little bit

[ronance4everbrainrot]

Stranger things incorrect quote generator (feat. Robin with one if the Adults)

Pt 14

Robin and Murray

Robin, trying their first ever cup of coffee: I am ENERGY!

Murray, an avid coffee drinker, on their twelfth cup of the day: Someone slap me awake or I am literally going to fall into a coma in ten seconds.

(Canon. Also, who gave Robin coffee?!? 👀)

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Murray: I wish I was a dinosaur.

Robin: Why? Cause they're big and scary?

Murray: Because they're dead.

(Does this mean Alexei is a dinosaur??)

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Robin, sniffling: Calm down, I’m probably not sick. It might just be allergies.

Murray: Okay, tell me this: are you like, really tired?

Robin: I have depression, what do you think?

(naww, Murray worried about Robin being sick 🥺 also Damn)

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Robin: That was a joke. Say ha.

Murray: Ha.

Robin: Now do it again.

Murray: Ha.

Robin: Congratulations, you are officially the life of the party.

(I can honestly see this interaction between them)

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Murray: *Pulls a glass a water from out of nowhere*

Robin: Where did you get that?

Murray: My pocket.

Robin: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket?

Murray: Skills.

(New headcanon, Murray was a magician once ✨)

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*At a bank teller window*

Robin, in a bad Italian accent: I'd like-a to make-a da deposit!

Murray: HEY BUDDY, WAIT, I REMEMBER YOU!

Robin: *Frantically pours marinara sauce into the vacuum tube*

Murray: GODDAMMIT, IT'S THEM AGAIN!

(Honestly, I just put it here because of the Italian thing)

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Murray: I’m not so sure you’re stakeout material.

Robin: I’m a chronic insomniac, I was born for this.

(but she probably has Adhd, so she may get distracted sometimes)

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Murray: When was the last time you slept?

Robin: Uh... a few days ago, I think.

Murray: A few- how many?!

Robin: Uh... *starts counting on fingers* I need more fingers...

Murray: What you need is sleep!

(Honestly this could be added to the one above like that's literally what Murray asked after she said that insomniac part)

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Murray: I should've left you on that street corner where you were standing.

Robin: But ya' didn't!

(another version of how Robin gets to Murray's after the fight, is that Murray just sees her standing on a street corner because she doesn't know where to go lol)

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Robin: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them??

Murray: What the hell do you do?

Robin: I die? What kinda question...

(That's when Murray gave Robin a speech to be confident, idk 👍)

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Robin: Murray and I are sitting on the couch watching TV and I hear a text, realizing I left my phone in the kitchen

Robin: I get up, got to the kitchen to check it....

Robin: And it's a text from Murray saying "Please bring chips on the way back"

(the modern Thanksgiving Version when they watch Football lol)

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Murray: Robin, is that my mug you’re drinking out of?

Robin: No, it’s mine.

Murray: It... looks just like the one I have...

Robin: You don’t have one like this anymore.

(I honestly didn't get that one at first, it took be a bit to understand lol)

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Murray: Robin...

Robin: I can tell by the tone of your voice that you are disappointed. Alas, I must further disappoint you by affirming how little I give a fuck.

(She does give a fuck, she just wants to seem unaffected by it)

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Murray: Why do you not believe that ghosts are real?

Robin: Never seen one.

Murray: Okay, I mean, there’s a lot of things that you can’t see that are real.

Robin: What can’t I see?

Murray: You can’t see gravity. That’s real.

Robin: Yeah, I can drop an apple.

Murray: Fuck.

(That was on of their conspiracy theory talks. 100%.)

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Murray: What's that?

Robin: Chocolate.

Murray: What's chocolate?

Robin: Candy. Do they not have candy where you're from?

Murray: Yeah. Grapes, nuts.

Robin: No wonder you're so bitter.

(Honestly, feels accurate, but also not)

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Murray: *slams books down in front of Robin*

Murray: Boil up some Mountain Dew. It’s gonna be a long night.

Robin: You could of said literally anything else.

Murray: Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, Baja Blast to fuel my trouble.

Robin: I’m going to just stop challenging you when you say random shit. I won’t win. I realize this now.

(that's how Murray starts his Russian lessons)

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Murray: That’s illegal, right?

Robin: Why do you care? Are you a fucking cop?

Murray: No-

Robin: Then shut the fuck up.

(as an empath, I feel like she's mad 👀. And I feel like she's gonna get revenge on the person that probably hurt on of her children)

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Murray: *shoves their hand in the slot of a toaster*

Robin: …

Murray: …I get confused sometimes.

Robin: Me too.

(naww, they are father-daugther Soulmates✨🥺)

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[Robin and Karen]

Karen: Please could you go to the shop and get a carton of milk, if they have avacodos get six.

Robin, coming back from the store with six cartons of milk: They had avacados!

(Karen never asked Robin to go shopping for her ever again)

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Robin: I am a responsible adult!

Karen: *raises brow*

Robin: I am an adult.

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Robin: sSSSHIT- I BURNT MY LIP-

Karen: ...Why would you even drink tea with a METAL STRAW in the FIRST PLACE??

Robin: BECAUSE YOU WERE OUT OF THE PLASTIC ONES!

(Poor Robin, I feel her, I also drank tea with a metal straw before 😪)

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Karen: Okay happy campers! If you were a fruit what would you be and why?

Robin: I'd be a tomato because no one accepts me as part of the group.

Karen: ...

Robin: ...

Karen: OKAY HAPPY CAMPERS-

(Robin and Dustin, the tomatoes)

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Robin: Fight me!

Karen, standing behind them and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not.

(She won't let anyone of the friends from her children get hurt)

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Karen: What happened to your nose?

Robin: I used it to break some guy's fist.

(that's absolutely something she would say instead of "I got punched in the face")

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Karen: Robin...

Robin: Oh no, 'Robin' in B flat.

Robin: You're disappointed.

(literally how Karen reacted to the one above)

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Robin: You’re giving me a sticker?

Karen: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”

Robin: I’m not a preschooler.

Karen: Fine, I’ll take it back-

Robin: I earned this, back off!

(Honestly, still would fit with the one above, honestly it would be a tiny story and the start is the campers thing and Robin is in camp with the others where Karen is a camp counselor or smth lol)

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Karen: So what do you have planned for the future?

Robin: Lunch.

Karen: No, like long term.

Robin: Oh...um, dinner?

(I don't even have that planned 😭)

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Robin: You read my diary?

Karen: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

(it's probably about a girl, who has mommy issues and a dead dad, with an unrequited love for another girl. Omg Karen reads Sapphic books 👀)

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Karen: Well, I'm very sorry to hear about your mother.

Robin: Mmm, we aren't really that close.

Karen: Oh, good.

(Oh lol. She probably said that after reading her diary, so fitting)

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Karen: So, she kissed me.

Robin: And you kissed her back?

Karen: No, I kissed her mouth.

(Omg Karen is a Lesbian 👀.. Who did she kiss?... Was it Joyce? 👀...)

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Karen: Robin... you've been cuddling with me for over and hour now.

Robin: *muffled* mm hmmm :)

Karen: I should be annoyed but you're adorable.

(what can is say, Mothers adore Robin. Also Nancy is not at all jealous of her Mom)

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Robin: You have Crayons?

Karen: Yes, I have—

Robin: You're— how old are you?

Karen: YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.

(She could have just lied and said they were for Holly... But I respect her honesty....does that mean it were Karen's crayons Max drew with?)

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[Robin and Joyce] (also i don't think they would act like that with each other)

Robin: Joyce, I sense hostility.

Joyce: Good, because I hate you.

(Joyce doesn't like that Robin is trying to steal Will 👀)

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Joyce, cowering in fear: What do you want from me?!

Robin, standing in front of Joyce: *bites into the whole KitKat bar like a heathen*

Joyce, crying: Please...stop...

(Robin like: What I want is to adopt your son)

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Robin: You played me!

Joyce: Like the cheap kazoo you are!

(the adoption papers were fake 😱😭 poor Robin 😪)

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Joyce, near tears: Please, Robin, I don’t speak meme! I don't know what a 'yeet' is!

(Robin will only stop until she gets Will)

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Robin, dramatically: They called me a fool.

Joyce, sick of Robin's shit: They weren’t wrong.

(Robin's feels so betrayaled rn, how dare Joyce say that)

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Joyce: When I was your age-

Robin, mocking Joyce: When I was your height.

Joyce:

Joyce: Listen here you little shit-

(She may be small, but she can kick your butt 👀 so watch out Robin 👀 you barely escaped Nancy last time)

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Robin: You might not know this, Joyce, but I am a flawed person.

Joyce: I do know that.

(And we love your flaws as well as your perfection)

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Joyce: You have your weirdly sincere humility.

Robin: I prefer the term "self-loathing", actually.

(it should be self-loving, but you can have my love for you 🥺❤️✨)

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Joyce: Hi, I'm Robin's emergency contact.

Counter Woman: You're here to pick them up?

Joyce: I'm here to remove myself as their emergency contact.

(Murray wrote down her number (with his) in case he wasn't reachable at that moment. And Joyce had no idea lol)

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Joyce: Where are your parents?

Robin: What are parents?

Joyce: That’s just about the saddest thing I ever heard get said.

(That's when Joyce started warming up to Robin)

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*Joyce and Robin looking at a locked gate into a park*

Joyce: Aw. :(

Robin: You know what they say.

Joyce: Please don’t-

Robin: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*

Joyce: Frick-

(That's not that bad)

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Joyce: Watcha got there..?

Robin: *petting a ostrich* A smoothie.

Bonus:

Joyce:....Bring that animal back from where you got it, tomorrow is the wedding and I don't need any distractions rn

(...let's hope nothing happens...)

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Joyce: What the hell were you thinking?

Robin: I heard releasing birds at a wedding is romantic!

Joyce: You released OSTRICHES!

(oh God...she had more... Joyce regrets trying to be friends with her)

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Joyce: At first I thought you were foolish and incompetent.

Robin: My apologies for whatever misstep I may have taken to dispel that impression. It was an honest mistake, I swear.

(it was the ostrich thing. That was your misstep, but well she apologized now)

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Robin: *Kicks the door open, looking panicked*

Joyce: What did you do?!

Robin: NOBODY DIED!

Joyce: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

(She is just running from someone and wanted to make sure that you knew that it's not because someone died that she's here)

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Joyce: Okay, if we can't do it by sheer force, we'll do it my way.

Robin: But your way is sheer force!

(Joyce helping her with the person Robin was running from from before)

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Robin: I made this friendship bracelet for you, as a thank you

Joyce: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person.

Robin: You don’t have to wear…

Joyce: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off.

(now they are friends ✨)

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Teacher: Your child was in a fight.

Joyce: Oh no, that’s terrible!

Robin: Did they win?

(And they share custody over Will)

(this is the end of the, not really realistic but maybe it is realistic, journey of the friendship between Robin and Joyce)

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[Robin and Hopper]

Robin: I felt awful about killing you.

Hopper:

Robin: Even though technically you never even died, so I don't know why your bitching about it

(I mean it's not her fault, but she did Crack the Russian code which led Hopper and the others to go down and he 'died'. Also the "technically you never even died' fits perfect. Also this would be at the reunion at the Cabin)

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(Honestly this is also basically a tiny story lol)

Robin: I need you to come meet me, and I need you to come alone.

Hopper: And I need you to be less vague and weird.

(shush and help her)

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Robin: I am going to need you to swear-

Hopper: Fuck.

Robin:

Robin: ...swear as in promise.

(Yea..this needs to be a secret)

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Robin: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times.

Hopper: You mean you stabbed them?

Robin: They ran into my knife.

(Robin explained why she called Hopper over after he promised not to tell anyone)

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Hopper: Why would I flip my shit about that?

Robin: Because you flip your shit about everything.

Hopper: Well, will you look at this. Here is my shit, and yet it remains unflipped. Just sitting there on the skillet, getting burned on one side. It’s a miracle.

(his reaction after the explanation)

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Robin: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.

Hopper: Those are wanted posters!

(however, someone saw what happened and went to the police, now they are looking for her)

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Hopper: If we lose, you’re out of the will.

Robin: I was in the will?

(now they are in the court room, trying to proof that it was self defense)

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Hopper: Given the circumstances, I will let you hug me for four to five seconds.

Robin: Forty five seconds?!?

Hopper: No! I said four TO five seconds.

Robin, hugging Hopper: Too late.

(They won the case)

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Hopper: Get in loser, we're going shopping.

Robin: This is a McDonald's drive thru.

(They celebrated after they won)

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Hopper: I think you're still suffering the effects of your party last night.

Robin: All I drank was Redbull!

Hopper: How many?

Robin: Eighteen.

(The day after the celebration with the others)

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Hopper: What's wrong with you?

Robin: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.

(his reaction and well Robin accidentally? telling him her life story)

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Robin: My life is a mess.

Hopper: Robin relax, go get a beer.

Robin: I don’t want a beer.

Hopper Who said it was for you?

(his reaction to that)

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Hopper: Well, I'm very sorry to hear about your mother.

Robin: Mmm, we aren't really that close.

Hopper: Oh, good.

(after hearing about her mom)

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Hopper: I’ve only had Robin for a day and a half but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

(him thinking to himself)

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Hopper: Would anyone know any good vendors for professional-quality brass knuckles?

Robin: I know you’re serious, but you say the scariest shit sometimes.

(He asked the group because he wants to punch the people who hurt Robin)

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(Time skip)

Robin: What are you doing here?

Hopper: I could ask you the same question.

Robin: I live here.

Hopper: I should probably ask you a different question.

(when Hopper was at Murray's and Robin just came back from something. I know she has an apartment but she still basically lives with Murray sometimes)

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Hopper: Hold on, I can explain!

Robin: Really? Can you now?

Hopper: I can if you give me a minute to think of a convincing lie.

(what was Hopper doing there you may asked 👀 well figure it out yourself)

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Robin: Are you reading fan fiction?

Hopper, reading an article about extremely rare diseases: Wh- No.

Robin: Oh, is it on AO3?

Hopper: This is CNN.

(after explaining or lying 👀 Hopper wanted to read stuff, but Robin was annoying him)

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Hopper: Could you be anymore annoying?

Robin: Yes.

(Yes.)

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Robin: You disgust me.

Hopper: *eating a kitkat sideways* I realize this and don’t care.

(Robin finally stopped annoying him because he disgusted her)

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Robin: I want a trip down memory lane.

Hopper: *proceeds to grab every warrior cats book they have and sets them in Robin's lap*

Hopper: I heard you needed these?

Robin: YES! ALL OF THEM!

(Robin got bored and Hopper came to the rescue)

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(Time skip)

Robin: Thanks for pulling the fire alarm, you saved me from giving an oral report about The Scarlet Web.

Hopper: You were too lazy to read the book?!

Robin: I was too lazy to watch the movie.

(He thought it was an emergency and he didn't have any other way to get her out so he used the fire alarm)

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*at a zoo*

Robin: What are they in for?

Hopper: Robin, this isn't prison.

Robin: So they can leave?

Hopper: No, but-

Robin, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.

(Robin's first time at a Zoo, which Hopper took her to since he had nothing better to do after that school thing)

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Robin, after getting a job as a life guard: Hmm... I wonder what those things at the bottom of the pool are..

Hopper: THOSE ARE PEOPLE DROWNING!

(And this is the end. Are the people drowing going to be recused? Are they going to die? Will Robin get fired or will she not get fired? We shall never know)

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Well this was more fun then I thought.

Besides the Murray one the others were basically stories.

Hope you liked it!

Lots of love ✨❤️🤗✨

[omiscurls]

Heyhey! I couldn’t find your rules, so idk if this is allowed or not, and if it isn’t feel free to ignore this, but may I request Childe with a reader who has depression? Thank you

tough

a/n: hi!! sorry for that, the rules are added by now, i chose not to describe depression itself, because it looks different on everyone, and you may not relate to what applies to me, but i'm hoping you'll find this enjoyable instead!!

plot: character helping the reader out of a breakdown, or a bad headspace

contains: tartaglia, kaeya

warnings: bad copying mechanisms, low mental place, nothing too serious mentioned

tartaglia

now, he's a man of action less than words, even though he's good with those, too

and to add to that, he's also a very perceptive person - if some negative vibe lingers on you for too long, he'll notice right away

however, relying on his experience, he opts to give you space to figure it out on your own, first, he wouldn't like to be making a huge deal of something that was just a worse couple of days

it's when you don't show up at your usual dinner spot, that he gets a little tingle in his brain, telling him to not dismiss it this time.

and so, he makes his way over to your place.

"ya there?" you hear on the other side of the door, followed by urgent knocking, sort of breaking you out of a trance, but you can't find it in you to go and answer it. he'll go away, you think, even better. your apartment is messy, you're messy, too, and it's not the right time to be receiving visitors. so you stay quiet.

"you do know i know you're in there, right?" he speaks up again "the blinds would be down if you weren't"

come in, you want to shout, and although no voice leaves your throat, soon the door opens anyway.

"hey, what's up, you weren't on the- oh." he stops in his tracks in the middle of the corridor, and you're already mentally prepared to a snarky remark about your sorroundings, but the only thing he says is a lighthearted "why're you sitting on the floor?"

the first thing he thinks about is to level with you, so he plops himself down right beside you, and you bet it looks funny - you in yesterday's clothes, in a big, probably smelly, mess, and then a harbinger in full military outfit right beside you.

"i-" you try to say, but your throat seems too dry and worn out, so you opt for a whisper "look at his place"

he indeed does, hinting the small note of desperation in your voice.

"what about it?"

"it's a mess!" you sigh, covering your face with your hands, out of both embarrassment, and fatigue. you take a big breath before continuing "so i wanted to clean it up, i even brought all the... all the things, but it's so much stuff to do, and i'm tired, and- and i don't know!" you choose to stop as not to snap right then and there. "i can't even do my shitty chores right like an adult" you mumble, massaging your temples.

"and is sitting on the floor helping?" he simply asks, and for a second, you're almost mad at him for not being more... cooey and fuss over you a bit more. he sounds cold.

"what are you-"

"really, is it helping?" he repeats "because from how i see it, every little thing would seem bigger if you looked at it from this angle. come on" he nudges you before standing up, and offering a hand to lift you up. you, however, shake your head.

"i really can't deal with it today, childe, i'm sorry"

"just stand up" he pleas, and the second you take his hand, he helps you up in less than a second. when you're on his level again, he sneaks both his arms on the sides of your waist, and sort of sways around a little, before speaking again. "what if, what if we do it little by little? look, we'll start over there" he puts his hand on top of yours, and lifts your arm to point to the full sink along with his. "and that'd be it for today! and then tomorrow... actually, let's not make plans. we'll just pick something tomorrow, and do it then. does the sink sound like a lot to do?" he asks.

"do you want me to be honest, or do you want me to say no" you mutter, earning the heartiest and brightest laughter you've heard in days from him.

"always honest. but come on, i'll help." he rolls you out of his embrace, causing you to feel a sudden wave of cold, it was comfortable back there, you think.

however, as he works through the dishes with you, the pile does seem to lessen, and doesn't rule over your kitchen anymore. every time he hands you a plate to dry, he smiles as wide as he can, and it doesn't seem to bother him at all when you don't smile back.

"remember" he starts again, after a while of comfortable silence. he looks ridiculous, doing the kitchen duties in an outfit designed mostly to look presentable and slay enemies in it, but the look on his face is dead set. "the first lesson you've gotta learn before going off to battle something, is that the best defense is always, always to fight back. and if you don't think you can manage that, well, that's why nobody ever battles alone. it's common sense to have someone watching your back. and as for you, not only are you a great warrior yourself, but you've also got the best second-in-command willing to help you out. don't forget that."

kaeya

as for him, he's also perceptive and empathic, but the difference between him and tartaglia is that he does believe people have the right to figure some things out on their own, he's a firm believer in the magic of secrets

that's probably because he himself doesn't like to share too much about his deeply personal feelings

so he'd obviously see some wave of difficult emotions coming your way, but would he immediately start worrying? probably not

the guy doesn't have healthy copying mechanisms himself, don't think he expects those of others

every other night the two of you meet up at the tavern, kaeya always ordering wine, you asking the bartender for whatever was in store today, but it's never anything alcoholic.

and just like nearly always, you're seated at angel's share, him noticing you're not particularly in the mood for talking, and choosing to entertain you with as many stories of the day that went by as he can remember.

the waiter interrupts him, asking if your minds are already made up regarding the drink. now, kaeya always has you picking first, but since he sees you're still analyzing the card (as if you expected to find anything new), he goes first with a drink he knows charles makes really strong.

to his surprise, when it comes to you, you just mumble "i'll have the same he had"

before the waiter has a chance of writing that down, kaeya tells him that actually, you're gonna need a minute or two more, and to erase the order you've both put in.

as he walks away, the calvary captain's eyes pierce through yours.

"that's a pretty nasty drink you wanted there" he starts, feeling he can't let you handle your mess this time, preparing to dig a little deeper into what's on your mind.

you shrug your shoulders.

"hey" he speaks up a little firmer, hand moving to cover yours, and even though they twitch as to retreat from his grip, you let it be. "tell me what's up."

"nothing's <up>" you accentuate. "can't i even have a drink now?"

"obviously you can" he nods "as long as i know you're trying it just for the taste, and not for the strong kick it's gonna offer, cause that's a dangerous path that only leads to nasty places." concern shines through his gaze, and an encouraging smile is wandering somewhere in his expression, however his lips are still pressed into a tight line, the same he forms when he's either fighting or arguing.

you stay silent for a good long while, before sighing.

"maybe i want the kick. good, or bad, maybe i want to feel... something."

the sentence sounds all too familiar, as he shakes his head and takes your hand, leading you towards the exit.

"what're you-"

"you're obviously not in the right state to be in a bar, of all places" he states almost coldly "so i'm getting you somewhere safer."

the two of you leave the bar, and walk out into the cold of mondstadt's street, covered in the darkness of the night. you walk past him, not leveling up to him, just tagging along to whatever he's going.

it comes as a surprise, that you're neither headed for your apartment, nor his, nor the knights' headquarters. he's guiding you in an unknown direction, until you reach a dead end.

he clims up a small building, offering you a hand and shaking off your confused expressions and questions. "you'll see" he says. the two of you walk from roof to roof, and countless times you tell him it's ridiculous, but then, he jumps onto the city's wall, helping you out with two hands this time, sitting you down right next to him on the stone surface of the wall. it's a little wet from the night's humidity, and cold, and probably dirty too, but the moon shines right at you, and from this perspective, you see thousands of lights in houses, taverns and shops, from the bottom up to the cathedral.

going up from that, a calm and peaceful lake paints the landscape blue on the left, and even from up here, you see a sea of lampgrasses shining through the leaves of wolvendom forest. if you squint, lights are still on in dawn winery, and the path to liyue and all the other lands swirls around near diluc's house. there's so much you can see, even if the night limits your vision.

"i like to come here when i need to gain some perspective over what is happening in my life right now" kaeya speaks really softly and quietly, bordering on a whisper. "it's a beautiful view, even someone as insensitive to art as i am can see that, but other than that... it's huge. and even though it is, it's also alive. every single one of those beings whose lights are dying out as they slowly go to sleep one by one, they're alive. they're not a scenery, they're their own, individual worlds. and they all coexist with each other in such a clever manner, don't you think? they have their differences, they might even hate each other, or wish the worst upon the other's name, but from up here? they fit together like puzzles of one, big picture."

"that's a nice way to put it, for sure" you whisper, looking down onto your knees. his finger pushes your chin slightly to make you face him, and he smiles at you gently, thumb brushing against the skin of your cheek.

"you know, we each have our own worlds, built from scratch from such fragile materials. we have our worlds rise, shine, and crumble before our sights. we look over the ruins of them and think, this is the end of the world. there's nothing more, it's all dust now. but from up here, you see how many other worlds there are - everyone has their own. not everything that is happening in your world is true. you see it from first person's perspective, and therefore the view might be disturbed by many different aspects. you might not see the picture, you just see the broken puzzle fragment that can't fit with the rest, and you're ready to throw away the entire picture, without finishing it. but being here, it reminds me... the world doesn't end on the ruins you see. you can always ask someone to help you build them up again, and of course, you can expect it to fall into pieces once more, but this time, you'll keep in mind, there're-" he stopped, pointing to the city's lights. "so many people to help you raise it up to the clouds."

"your metaphor is really complex" you chuckle, but his face stays still.

"it's not the end of the world if your puzzle piece is broken. and the ruins are not unfixable if you feel too tired to build them up all by yourself. if anything, that's a start." his hand travels up to keep the hair from getting on your face, since the wind blows pretty hard on this height. "what do you say we start your puzzle once more, toghether?"

-

your friendly reminder that you can request things [here]

[beyondspaceandstars]

Renegade

Relationship: Din Djarin x Reader Warnings: N/A Summary: [based off the song Renegade by Big Red Machine feat. Taylor Swift] You're a shopkeeper in a remote corner of the galaxy just trying to get by. For some reason, every now and then a certain Mandalorian pops into town. He comes and goes as he pleases until one day you finally get the courage to confront him on his drifter habits. Unexpected confessions spill out. A/N: I haven’t written something for The Mandalorian in a long time but i just had this idea for a while and i wanted to actually try to execute it. Idk if this came out good but i think it’s still sweet. I hope someone enjoys it :)

Masterlist

You never knew when he was coming into town.

It would happen pretty much in the blink of an eye. You’d shut down your store for the day, retire to your home, then he’d be there, in the middle of the village, bright and early. The Mandalorian kept no schedule it seemed but his surprise visits were always welcomed by you. 

He’d make it a point to stop at your store first. He never really bought anything, just browsed the fabric and clothing you had to offer. The Mandalorian seemed to appreciate your craftsmanship, always taking time on his stay to ask about your newer items or what your plans were for your next collection. Your shop was modest but it helped bring in some kind of income which was very valuable as the fate of the galaxy hung in limbo.

You built up some kind of rapport with the masked man but feelings have been shifting within you for a while. You didn’t really understand how it was possible. You had begun falling for a man that never even gave you the courtesy of saying goodbye. But at the same time, the hours you would spend chatting meant everything to you. It felt so good to confide in someone as a life as a solo storekeeper could be quite a lonely one. He also seemed to be no stranger to loneliness as a man roaming the galaxy, taking odd bounty jobs. Nowhere to really call his own. 

A deep, deep part of you wished he would call this village his home. He seemed to enjoy it here, evident by his numerous stops. When he’d come and go from your shop, he was always bringing back new treasures. The woman down the road would be testing a new stew recipe or the jewelry maker at the end of the block had talked him into buying something. Most of the time, he’d just give the items to you, claiming he couldn’t resist the shopkeeper but had no use for the trinkets. The pseudo-gift giving was a little ridiculous to you but it couldn’t help but fuel your burning crush. You always accepted and wore whatever the Mandalorian presented. 

Yes, you two definitely had formed a relationship over time. You didn’t know really what to call it and you two never seemed to want to speak about it but it was no secret that it was there, and you were a bit thankful for it. No matter where he had gone or how long he had left for, you were always there to welcome him back to the village with open arms.

As many times before, the Mandalorian arrived unexpectedly one beautiful, clear morning. He was hovering around your shop, seemingly waiting. His armor shined so loudly in the daylight, it was nearly blinding, but you appreciated how powerful he was. He may show you his soft side in the village but you’d heard plenty about his hunts. If the truth was even half as alarming as the gossip, you were impressed he could have such a gentle side. 

“You’re early,” you called out, pulling your shawl tighter around you as you walked towards the passing bounty hunter. He stopped dead in his tracks upon hearing your voice. 

“It would appear I am,” he said, letting out a breathy laugh. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize the time.”

You came to stop right in front of him. You peered up at his helmeted face. You certainly couldn’t see anything through that insane gear but some part of you still felt him staring into your eyes, deeply. Instinctively, you fiddled with the necklace resting on your lower neck. The charm was a piece of some dark crystal. You didn’t know what it was and you were slightly too nervous to inquire the jewelry maker about it but the Mandalorian standing before you had given it to you the last time he was here. He simply said he thought it would look nicer on you. You didn’t ask anymore.

“It’s alright,” you smiled. “I’m just glad to see you back here in one piece.”

He seemed a bit taken back by that. You worried you had overstepped the boundary between flirting and kindness but then he tilted his head, curiously. “Yeah?”

Oh, you felt yourself blushing a bit. You ducked your head and stepped around him, beginning to work on the lock of your shop. 

“Yeah,” you shrugged and opened the door. The Mandalorian followed closely behind. “I’ve heard your work can be demanding. Lots of opportunities for you to get hurt.”

“Does that worry you?”

You stopped in front of the pile of new fabrics you had just woven. You sighed. “I’ve come to think of us as a little bit more than acquaintances. It’s normal to worry about others.”

You swore you heard him let out a low chuckle at that but he didn’t acknowledge it. Or your statement. You chose to do the same. You walked around to the counter and began prepping the logbooks for the day. The Mandalorian continued to hang around, gaze and hands roaming the new pieces you had set up last night. You were hoping this new collection you were previewing was going to bring in some hefty credits. Maybe allow you to take a holiday.

The Mandalorian broke the tense silence with the most unexpected comment. “I worry about you too, you know.” 

Your finger stopped abruptly as it scanned your list of sales for the week. When you had offered your care, you had never expected it back. You two technically weren’t on that level, at least not verbally. In other formats of gift-giving and worried looks, it was a different story. 

“You worry about me?” You inquired, brows raised in surprise. 

He gave a very Mandalorian-like shrug, his gaze still fixated on your for-sale items. Something in you was crushed when it looked like you weren’t getting any more from him. Maybe he’d disappear tonight, embarrassed by this exchange. But then by some miracle, he spoke again.

“Of course,” he said it like it was so obvious. “You’re a very kind shopowner living out in this village alone. This galaxy, no matter what corner you hide in, can be dangerous.”

You smiled to yourself. “I’ve done this for many years, Mandalorian. I think I will be alright.”

He hummed in acknwoeldgement. “I’m sure,” he mumbled. “But can you blame me for having concerns?”

This conversation sure was going to a funny place, you thought, but you were along for the ride. If he was going to talk about concerns, you could for sure rattle off yours. He was worried about your safety in this little village while you worried for his health. It cannot be good for a human, assuming he was human under all that gear, to be wandering the galaxy with no rhyme or reason besides the bounties strung about this galaxy. You never thought you’d express these things to him but the Mandalorian appeared to be a talkative one today. And you felt you two were beyond strangers. 

“Well, I’m flattered you think of me,” you admitted. “But I fear it’s you who faces more dangers than me.”

The helmeted man gave a little scoff at that comment. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

Sure, you didn’t doubt that, but that wasn’t what was on your mind. “I’m not talking about bounty hunting. I’m talking about your habit of being a drifter.”

The words didn’t feel very impactful in your brain but when they hit the open shop it was like you had dropped a bomb. The Mandalorian stilled, his gloved hand letting go of one of the scarves you had laying on a table. He began making his way suddenly towards where you still stood behind the counter. You frowned.

“A drifter?”

His eye gaze wasn’t seen but it was sure felt. You shrugged. “I’m not a fool. I know you bounce around from planet to planet throughout this galaxy. Maker knows why you keep coming back here but... I just worry you don’t have a home-,”

“I don’t,” he confirmed. Your heart all about stopped. Well, you didn’t exactly want to be right.

“Oh,” you said, averting your eyes to the wood counter. “And that doesn’t bother you? You must want someone waiting for you. Someone to just spend...moments with.”

“Don’t I have you?”

The question hung in the air between you two like a heavy pendulum. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. He… He thought of you like that? Of this village? But why would he… Oh, but didn’t it make some kind of sense? The reappearing? The coming and going… He waltzed in and tried to get to know everyone. Got to know you.

Your head was a jumbled mess, so much so the only thing you could get out was a soft, “Me?”

The Mandalorian nodded. He wasn’t looking anywhere near you, finding such interest in the wall of your shop. But you noted his stiff stance. Maybe he hadn’t meant to say that… Except he had. And now it was out there. Something in the mysterious bounty hunter made him let out such a grand confession.

“Yes,” he eventually confirmed. “You. This village. I have that. I have this to come back to.”

With thoughts swimming violently, you had to ask, “But why don’t you stay?”

“I have jobs to do.” He almost sounded offended you had asked that. You shook your head.

“N-No, I mean… Get a place for yourself. You’re always sleeping on that ship. Maybe accept the invites to dinners the sweet lady down the path invites you to. Or you and I could…” Your words faded fast, slightly scared of what was going to slip out. But the Mandalorian wasn’t letting it go.

He turned his gaze back to you. “We could what?”

“S-Spend time together or something,” you mumbled. Real smooth, you thought. Just the perfect way to flirt. You expected him to now be so offended, maybe even storm out such a suggestion, but the armored man didn’t move. Instead, he cocked his head, curious.

“You’d want to do that?”

You sighed. “I want you to start a life somewhere. Really start it. Drifting around this galaxy cannot be very promising. You deserve this. You deserve a home, Mando.”

“Din.”

Your brows furrowed. Now it was your turn to be curious. “What?”

“My name is Din,” he explained. “You don’t have to call me Mando.”

If a heart could sing, yours would be a full chorus. He finally told you his name. After collecting jewelry and stories, he had finally opened somewhat to you. That was a good sign, a great sign. 

“Din,” you said, testing the name. It rolled off your lips easily. “We’d love to have you around.” A beat. “I’d love it, especially.” It was a bold declaration but he had given you something, the least you could do was make your intentions more obvious.

“Thank you,” Din said. 

“Of course,” you shrugged. “We all need to find the place where we belong.”

Din let out a bit of a chuckle. You frowned at that.

“You think I belong here?” He asked, amused. 

You didn’t like that he wasn’t taking you seriously but it would be okay. Just gave you more of a reason to show him everything this place had to offer. From the nice shopkeepers to the lovely food. This would be some kind of home for him or at least a place where he’d always be welcomed. Your heart fluttered at the idea of him leaving less, maybe even never leaving. He could train people on fighting or - or… 

You had to stop yourself as your brain was getting beyond reality. You shot the Mandalorian a smile.

“I think you’ve always belonged.”

[stolen-pen-name23]

hiii idk if u still take prompts but "i’m never going to let [her/him/them] hurt you again" for Obitine?

Ahhh thank you for the prompt! This is actually the last prompt in my inbox! I'll open up prompts again soon, but for now, I'm going to try and focus on a few bigger projects.

This one got away from me, so you can read the whole thing under the cut, or read on Ao3!

---

When he is brought to her, it is like he isn’t even there.

“What’s wrong with him?” Satine asks when Anakin stumbles down the ramp of his ship, Obi-Wan slung over his shoulders. His eyes are open but vacant, almost as though in death.

“He was drugged,” Anakin growls.

“What did they give him?” she asks.

Anakin’s eyes are dark with rage. “I don’t know. But I can assure you, Duchess, that the ones who did this to him are dead.”

Satine bristles.

“Self-defense, my lady,” Anakin says before she can say anything about fair trials or neutral zones.

“Uh-huh,” Satine accepts mildly, paying more attention to Obi-Wan and his current state.

“Is there a medical facility here?” Anakin asks.

“I sent for healers as soon as you called,” Satine says. “They’re awaiting him in my quarters.”

“Thank you, Duchess,” Anakin says, the tight line of his jaw softening ever so slightly. “Lead the way.”

Satine leads Anakin through the palace entrance and down the long and winding corridors that lead to her quarters. Guards flank them on either side, though Satine thinks their presence to be unnecessary with Anakin there — even if he is carrying another Jedi with him.

By the time they reach her rooms, Anakin is panting. Despite his obvious exhaustion, he sets Obi-Wan down with gentle care.

Obi-Wan is fully unconscious now — a fact Satine is grateful for. The vacant staring was unsettling, especially coming from Obi-Wan whose eyes were always so full of life and curiosity. Conversely, a wild look still lingers in Anakin’s eyes, and it flashes as healers descend upon them.

“Can you tell us what happened?” one of the healers asks Anakin.

“He was captured by some Separatist scum. I found him, but he was drugged. I… I can barely feel him,” Anakin says, panic finding its way back into his voice.

The healer whips her head up and looks at him more closely. “Are you okay? Were you drugged too?”

“What?” Anakin asks. “No, I was never—”

“These two are Jedi,” Satine interrupts. “They share a mental bond. They can sense each other through it.”

“Ah,” the healer says. Whether the healer feels any ill-will towards the Jedi, as many Mandalorians do, she does not give it away. She continues to work dutifully on her charge.

“What are you doing to him?” Anakin asks as the healer begins drawing blood and waving scanners over Obi-Wan’s body.

“We’re just running some tests. We need to figure out what he was drugged with. I don’t want to give him anything that might mix poorly with what he was given.”

Anakin nods, but Satine can still see the way he clenches his fist and jaw.

“We need you two to give us some room,” the healer says, before she seemingly remembers who she is speaking to. “Respectfully, Duchess,” she adds.

“Of course,” Satine says graciously. She takes a step back, but sees Anakin frozen in place. Gently, she grabs his elbow and nudges him along. He follows her to the edge of the room, where they wait for the healers to help Obi-Wan.

Satine doesn’t know how long they stand there, hovering awkwardly from afar, when a scanner goes off.

The healer picks up the scanner and examines it. “Good,” she says to herself.

“What was that? Anakin asks.

“The results from his blood test. The drug they gave him was a pretty heavy-duty sedative. Not the type we use in med centers and certainly not comfortable, but it won’t kill him. He’s going to be groggy and confused when he wakes up, but he’ll be fine.”

Satine and Anakin let out a breath at the same time.

“You two can stay here with him if you wish. We’ll check up on him in a few hours, but do send for us if he wakes up or appears to need medical attention.

“Thank you,” Satine says, bowing her head.

Satine sits on a chair beside the bed and Anakin paces around.

“Anakin,” Satine says calmly. “You heard the healer as well as I did. He’s going to be alright.”

Anakin pauses in his pacing and moves to stand next to where Satine is sitting. “I know. I just… I can barely feel him,” he repeats. “I was… when they first drugged him, I thought…”

“I’m sorry, Anakin,” Satine said sympathetically, standing to meet his gaze. “But he’s alright.”

Anakin offers a small nod and takes a shaky breath. Satine notices the dark circles under his eyes and the unusual pallor of his skin. “You should rest.”

“I’m not leaving him,” Anakin says stubbornly.

“He’ll be just fine right here. Anakin, you’re exhausted. I don’t need to be bonded to you to see that,” Satine says.

“Why are you…”

She nods her head at Obi-Wan. “He would want me to make sure you’re okay. And I care about your well-being too.”

Anakin blinks his eyes a few times. Whether he’s trying to wake himself up or fight back tears, Satine isn’t sure.

“But, I—”

“Go, Anakin,” she says softly. “You are dead on your feet. Go get something to eat and a couple of hours of sleep. I’ll watch over him while you’re gone, alright?”

Satine watches Anakin’s reluctant gaze fall on Obi-Wan.

“You’ve done enough for him, Anakin,” she insists.

Anakin stares at Obi-Wan for a moment longer.

“You’ll send for me if he wakes up? Or if anything changes?”

“Of course,” Satine says. She turns to a guard. “Take him to the guest quarters, please. Make sure some food is brought to him.”

“Yes, Duchess,” the guard says.

Anakin looks taken aback by the accommodations—unused to such opulence—but he goes along with it easily enough. A guard leads him away, but another guard remains in the room.

“You may leave us,” Satine says.

“Yes, Duchess,” the guard says, though she can see the hesitation in his eyes.

She sits on the bed and leans back against the headboard. She looks down at Obi-Wan where he lays, still asleep.

“What am I going to do with you,” she murmurs, running a hand through his hair.

The hours march on like so many dutiful soldiers and Satine feels them weighing heavily on her. She is about to submit to sleep when Obi-Wan stirs beside her.

“Obi?” she whispers hopefully.

He lets out a quiet whimper, and it is then that Satine notices the sweat coating his brow.

“Hey,” she says quietly. “Obi, wake up.”

If Obi-Wan hears her, he is ignoring her. He tosses his head to the side and a sliver of light from the high windows rests on his face, revealing a tear track. His chest rises and falls rapidly.

“Wake up, Obi-Wan,” she says again, more forcefully this time. His eyes flash open and he blinks at her.

“Are you with me?” Satine asks.

Cloudy eyes look right through her, unfocused and unsure. I guess not, then.

“Come on, snap out of it,” Satine says. “You’re okay.”

“No,” he murmurs weakly. “Stop, stop.”

Satine yanks her hands away from him.

“Obi, please,” Satine says. “Obi-Wan, it’s me.”

Obi-Wan turns his head to her. The fog lifts from his eyes. “Satine?” Obi-Wan asks, confusion still evident in his tone.

“It’s alright now,” Satine soothes. “It was just a nightmare, you’re safe.”

“No, I—”

“Yes. You’re safe,” she reaffirms.

“Where…?”

“You’re in the palace,” she says.

“Palace?”

“My palace. On Mandalore.”

“Why…?”

“You and Anakin were far from Coruscant and you needed medical attention. Mandalore was the closest stopping point to your location. Anakin called me in a bit of a panic. I told him to come.”

“I was with the Separatists,” Obi-Wan says, his fingers clenching around the blankets. “They had me, they…”

“Shhh. It’s alright now. I’m never going to let them hurt you again,” she murmurs, knowing she has no real power to actually keep him safe from the Separatists, but she is willing to say anything to calm the Jedi lying in her bed. “Besides, if I can’t keep you safe, Anakin will surely protect you from them.”

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan says, his eyes flashing with a mix of concern and fondness. “Anakin was here. Where…?”

“I sent him to the guest quarters to get some sleep. He asked me to wake him if you woke up, but I’ll give you a few more minutes to wake up.”

Obi-Wan shakes his head and looks at her incredulously. “You asked him to sleep and he just went?”

“I don’t know what to tell you, my dear. People have a hard time saying no to me. Even your supposedly bull-headed Padawan.”

“There is nothing ‘supposed’ about it,” Obi-Wan says in indignation, becoming more coherent by the minute. “He is bull-headed.”

“Oh, so he does take after you then,” Satine smirks.

Obi-Wan scoffs. “Hardly.”

“Mmhmm.”

Obi-Wan glares at her but tilts his head back, his energy fading once more.

“You should get some more rest.”

“I don’t want to. I’ve been resting.”

“You’ve been drugged. That is not the same as resting.”

“Ah yes,” Obi-Wan says quietly, rubbing his eyes. “That explains a few things.”

Dust dances in the beams of light cascading through the windows. The sweet melody of a bird welcoming the morning permeates the silence that stretches between the Jedi and the Mandalorian. Satine grabs Obi-Wan’s hand and caresses his knuckles with her thumb. He doesn’t shrink away from the touch.

“You know,” she says, breaking the silence, “it seems that every time we are together, one or both of us is always in some form of mortal danger.”

“Yes, well, it certainly keeps our relationship interesting,” Obi-Wan replies. He chuckles lightly to himself.

Satine scoffs and rolls her eyes at him. “That doesn’t make me feel better about it.”

“Well, if it does make you feel better, I’m not in mortal danger anymore.”

“No,” Satine replies, continuing to circle his knuckles with her thumb. “No, you’re safe now.”

Satine hopes it will stay that way, even for just a little bit longer.

[arenskreigh]

Another short thing

Yeah, idk how to title these. Yes I suck at writing. Also, don’t get on my ass about ending dialogue with periods. Ending it with commas bothers me to hell.

(Melody’s POV)

Dealing with the pain was an issue for both of us.

Both physical and mental.

I walked into his room one night to check on him, and I found him curled up tight against himself.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him gently.

“I-it..it hurts, please Melody, it hurts so much.” He says, as he tries not to cry.

“Hey, hey, shhh. I know it hurts, I know you feel bad. I want to help you, but I can’t let you take anymore painkillers right now.”

“W-why?! Please I need it!” He begs me, tears running down his scarred face.

“I can’t, you already had some in the past few hours and the ones you were given are strong. You can’t take more or you’ll get addicted.”

He continued to cry as he laid back down, pulling a blanket over himself.

I hated seeing him in so much pain, I felt horrible.

“Shhh, just try to breathe. I know you’re hurting, I know it’s horrible.”

He was able to calm down a little bit as I brushed my hand through his hair, gently caressing him.

“It- it hurts! It hurts so much!” Still, he continued to cry. I felt so terrible.

“I-I-I just want t-to sleep, that’s all! I can’t- I can’t do this!” He begged to me, probably hoping I’d put him out of his misery.

He did tire himself out from crying so much, and managed to sleep a little.

All of the sleep he got was somehow interrupted whether it be nightmares, getting sick, or for no reason at all.

In the morning I went to wake him up so he could take his medicine, I knew he would want it.

He was very confused when he awoke, however.

“No..let me sleep…you can hurt me after I sleep. Just please…please let me sleep.” He begged, half asleep.

“She’s not here, she never will be. It’s just me, you can sleep as long as you want but I know you want your medicine.”

He took it, and fell straight back asleep.

I was tempted to lay down on the spot there with him, but I didn’t want to rush things. I too was incredibly tired from taking care of him all the time.

It’s not a bad thing, I just wish I could sleep more.

When I did have my moments of silence and being alone, I had to do work stuff. It wasn’t anything huge or difficult, but I knew I had to keep up if I wanted to keep my job.

I was so tired I ended up falling asleep on the couch. I woke up an hour or so later, still exhausted.

Tyler was somehow still peacefully asleep, I was almost jealous.

I knew I had to support him, he was going through something extremely hard.

I took this opportunity to go to the store and pickup stuff we had been needing.

It was also another moment for me to buy more cigarettes.

It’s that thing where it only gives you relief for a few minutes, but at least it’s something.

I know I should quit, it’s bad. Tyler also gets triggered by it.

I forced myself to not get any, and rather get the stuff that was necessary.

I hadn’t tried before to stop altogether, but I thought I’d try now.

Well, withdrawal symptoms is another thing I have to deal with.

I get irritated easily, and that doesn’t help when I’m close to giving up on trying to comfort Tyler.

I got back from the store and he was still asleep, thank god. The one time I had left him alone he had an entire mental breakdown cause I wasn’t there.

It was so sad seeing how badly he was hurt. He was such a caring person before; kind, thoughtful.

Now he was isolated, paranoid, and extremely broken.

Neither of us could afford a therapist. Tyler became nearly 100% broke after purposely crashing his car in an attempt to end his life.

He drove straight into a tree, crushing the front end of the car. He got out when he realized he wasn’t dead, and couldn’t feel near anything due to shock.

Which meant he didn’t feel his broken arm, or the giant gash in his side from being impaled.

Apparently he doesn’t remember anything from that night. The only thing he can recall is Harmonie hurting him, badly.

That night he tried to cut things off with her, but it only made her spiral.

From what he told me, she stabbed him over and over again, bruised his body to hell, and drugged him up.

But there is probably more she did, I don’t doubt it.

I got a look at the photos taken of the crash, and there was blood all over the car, everything.

…I almost threw up in front of the police because of it.

I really don’t know how he managed to survive that. I mean, he didn’t want to survive at all.

I stayed in the emergency room for hours until he woke up, barely even able to talk.

He held my hand the whole time, as I kept us together, close.

I didn’t want to lose him, I couldn’t.

He was the most important person to me, he’s…he’s more than my best friend. I think he realizes that too.

No criticism accepted please thanks I’m sad and sensitive

[extremelyblackandwhite]

innocence - 04

PAIRING: bodyguard!bucky barnes x innocent actress!reader

WARNINGS: age gap, sexual harassment (please don’t read this chapter if it triggers/makes you uncomfortable, your safety comes first)

A/N:  i do realise i’m on a roll posting every day but uni starts early and idk why i keep writing like i’m running out of time😂 hope you enjoy this chapter. much love xx

* additionally, there is a light sexual harassment scene in this chapter and if anyone is uncomfortable or triggered by it i would skip it. your mental health and safety come first. *

NEXT CHAPTER

One day I’ll fly away...

She remembered the very first role she got to play as a lead. She was the standby for Glinda in Wicked. She could still feel her hand shaking as the backstage technicians secured her to the bubble. She could still hear the bubble machine engine rumble as the bubble raised up in the ceiling and for a moment she was above everything - above the audience, above the cast, above the stage itself. It felt like flying, soaring through the gasping of the crowd. She remembered feeling like this was her height, this was her flight but as things went, as she got more roles and as she progressed to the screen as she always wanted, the feeling of flying just seemed to soar, turning her into a creature of air.

Flying for Bucky was something he couldn’t remember, he remembered crashing. Remembered falling from the train waiting for the peaceful slumber of death to come but it never did, remembered the cold snow melting through his jacket reaching his skin. It’s cold. Remembered diving in after Steve, lungs filled with water, heavy suit. It’s cold, it’s quiet. Soaring was only something he could dream of while frozen or when they put him on a cell with a small window. Crashing was more like something he could remember, drowning, pushed to the bottom by his arm, wishing death came to greet him

More powerful than crashing was sound. The theatre was always filled with whistling from men getting a peak at ladies’ legs, women giggling and security trying to keep out children and teens away. You could hear the laughter reverberating from any material, it was electrifying. Her voice however seemed to melt over distorted past sounds, a melancholy while held hands with the old telling it never of its former glory but of what it can be. Bucky knew now why her agency kept her so locked up, all people with a voice eventually fly away. 

     - Don’t just stare at me. - she bite her lip, looking the other way. Did she sound that bad? She thought she sounded just fine in the shower that morning, maybe her bathroom had better acoustics. - Should we go back home? Before it gets dark?

     - Sure. - he got up from his seat, extending his hand towards her so she could jump off the set. She put her hand in his, another hand coming to rest upon his shoulder as her elevated her up into the air before bringing her down onto the worn out floor. 

The walk back to the subway was quiet. People were starting to crowd Coney Island for night time dates. Bucky remembered bringing girls to dates in Coney Island, even remembered bringing Steve along, he just didn’t remember the girls’ names anymore. There were some flashes of what they were wearing but surely those memories were replaced with that of Y/N staring at the ferris wheel as they walked back to the subway.

Once there, her child like wonder of the city that never slept and the city which she now lived in didn’t seem to leave her eyes, sparkling brighter than the billboards in Times Square. The walk back to the apartment was once again quiet, with their footsteps being the only thing echoing in the halls. Soon enough they reached her door, still looking as intact as they left it.

     - Thank you so much for showing me Coney Island. - she handed him the teddy he had won. - Thank you gift. 

     - I won it for you, Y/N. Besides, I think I’m a bit past stuffed animals. 

     - Well, I’ve had my fair share of stuffed animals to last a life time and I insist you keep this one. - she stuffed the teddy between his arms, finding it incredibly adorable how the little toy looked smaller in the middle of his arms than in hers. - Little Coney Island memento. 

     - I should get going. - he changed the subject, gesturing with his hands as he looked at the time on his watch. - It’s been a great day, Y/N.

     - The pleasure’s been all mine, Bucky. - she smiled as she held the edge of the door. She stood by the slightly opened door watching as he turned the corner which led to the lift. Once he was out of sight, Y/N walked into her apartment, closing the door behind her but still holding the knob with a silly smile on her face. 

Bucky reached the headquarters around 11 PM. Despite going the long way home, expecting Steve to be asleep when he returned. Steve had a very mundane routine when it came to sleeping, he could still sleep but he would wait until everyone was asleep for him to go to his bedroom. Bucky didn’t want to have to dance the first day in the job waltz. He knew he cared, he knew Steve wanted him to be alright. There was only one small thing; Steve wanted Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, his Bucky, and he just wasn’t that man anymore. He didn’t like being asked who he was, he doesn’t know who he is.

Opening the door to the living room, he found Captain America himself sat on the big lounge chair, skimming through his list of modern day TV shows and movies. His blue eyes moved from the bright lights of the television to him.

      - How was the first day? - he questioned, regular optimism present in his voice. Steve had remained the same, maybe it was that which made him believe the spectre of the boy Bucky was could be revived. He seemed to forget dead people can’t be revived. 

      - It was good, went to Coney Island.

      - Coney Island? - Steve muted the TV, contorted face expression settling into his youthful features. - I thought you were going to guard her door.

      - She wanted to see Coney Island. Couldn’t let her go alone?

      - Didn’t her personal assistant tell you she couldn’t leave? - he had been noisey, he had looked into Bucky’s contract. He told himself it was just in case, just in case Bucky needed his help. - You don’t want to get in any trouble, specially with agencies. They’re the devil.

      - I’ll take it into consideration. - his skin tightened as he smiled a tight straight line. 

      - Do you wanna stay for a while? I’m watching a series Sam recommended. 

      - I think I’m gonna just go to sleep.

Steve nodded allowing Bucky to return to his bedroom. There wasn’t much in the bedroom, a bed, side table and wardrobe, nothing else. No mirrors and no windows, silence, grey and black bedding, no decoration rather than a postcard his sister had sent him during the war framed in a plastic frame. No glass, Steve wanted nothing around he could harm himself with. It was almost like living in an insane asylum. 

He looked at the little teddy bear in his hands before placing it on the side table, a little smile on his face. A Coney Island memento indeed. 

The morning came rushing like the rain which fell against Y/N’s bedroom glass window. She turned around in her bedding, pushing her knitted quilt up to her nose, the scent of fresh crisp cotton invading her senses. The mood would’ve remained the same comfortable, early morning type had it not been for her comforter being yanked off her without any warning. Through the fogginess of morning sight, she could make out Ms. Olson in her traditional black suit co-ord. She thought it fitting, considering her morning was now ruined.

     - Get up. We have much to do. - she barked like an infuriating dog.

     - But I thought I had the weekend off.- Y/N rubbed the sleep of her eyes, sitting up, quilt covering her body. 

     - You have last mine commitment. Now run along and change into something more ... - he analysed her before gazing her face, tight expression settling in. - Enchanting. 

She left Y/N in the bedroom, clenching her bedding as she looked around the place she’d rather be. Nevertheless, she rose from her bed and walked up to her wardrobe grabbing the first dress she could find and a pair of heels. Her routine during work was different, she normally showered, got her makeup done, dressed and then out of the door. Mechanic, controlled, with Ms. Olson asking her to hurry up. In a split second she returned to the living room, bag held on her shoulder, sunglasses in hand as she prepared to walk out with Miss Olson.

    - You should’ve put some product on your hair. The ends look dry. - Miss Olson commented as they walked outside. She looked around hoping Bucky would be around but it was just her and Miss Olson. 

    - Is Mr. Barnes not coming? 

    - It’s a dress rehearsal. - Y/N froze in her mind. Dress rehearsals were supposed to be better than fittings but after her last experience she really wasn’t in the mood for another experience with the director.

Time seemed to stop, freeze in spot as she stepped inside the car. No noise, no sound, even colour seemed to fade as the car drove faster and faster. She wondered what she could do, open the door, roll over, maybe do it like what she had seen in Lady Bird but the driver always kept the door fully locked and Miss Olson always had her eye on her like Sauron’s Eye.

She looked at her phone in her lap, fingers loomed over Bucky’s name. He was employed by her, maybe she could ask him to come over. Maybe if he was there it would be easier. She sent the message hopeful he would reply, but the text bounced back. Looking at the network, she was lacking all the bars on her phone. Sighing, she leaned against the car seat, looking off the window, dark clouds on the blue sky mocking her. 

As the car came to a halt on the same building as before, she almost had to be pulled out the car by Miss Olson. Once inside, Y/N could see him, she could smell his patchouli fragrance as he wrapped his arm around her. She stood once again in front of the camera lights, muffled cries in her head as she was squeezed into a corset and a then a body con dress. Her eyes were blinded by the lights, behind those lights Miss Olson and Mister Powell gazing at her. Her hand slide down her collarbones to her lap, feeling the fabric as the cameras kept flashing, locking her in a case of lights. 

Once the lights dimmed, she could see them looking down at her, almost five feet tall, mumbling she couldn’t hear as one of the costume designers helped her out.

     - Costumes are looking fantastic. - the director walked up to her, hand wrapping itself around her waist, raising up to lay just below her breast. - Maybe you should try and cut some weight. You would look a bit better.

     - We’ve already started a diet plan. - Miss Olson added. - Not to worry, Mr. Powell. Y/N is fully invested in this movie.

She remained caged in the conversation, being moved by someone back onto the car and dropped at home. She looked around her hallway, wondering if it had always been this cold. As she opened the door to her home, she noticed the jar of flowers the director had sent her on her kitchen balcony. White carnations in a crystal clear jar. She stormed to the kitchen, ripping the tag of the carnations. To my perfect leading lady. The handwriting wasn’t his, probably his assistant. 

When had it all gone so wrong? Why did it felt wrong? Why did the flight felt like a burning crash? When did it all get so screwed up? 

She wrapped her hands around the glass jar, hands trembling, the sound of her ring hitting against the glass being the only thing she heard before a shattering sound filled her mind. It was fast, too fast but she threw the jar against the wall, watching as the glass shattered into a thousand pieces, falling into the ground like small diamonds. She thought it would make her feel better but instead she feel to the ground, trying to gather the pieces together as guilt embraced her. 

    - Y/N?

taglist: @disasterbii @lookiamtrying @buckysteveloki-me @nsfwsebbie @americasass81 @jamesbarnesappreciationclub @lostinthebeans @mariahthelioness29 @buckyandsebastian @peaches-roses-sins @theadorasabditory @sipsteacasually @tonystankschild @saiyanprincessswanie @booktease21 @noiralei @learisa @everythingisoverrated @uglipotata72829 @naturalthrone22 @husherstan @mandiiblanche @vicmc624 @newyorkgoddess @itsallyscorner @chipilerendi​ @emzd34​

[snorlaxlovesme]

full thoughts on the chaos walking movie? I want to hear more about it lol I haven’t seen it yet

it just...it felt like TKONLG but without EVERY GOOD PART, you know?

scene-wise, the closest individual scene we had to anything in the book was maybe the scene where Viola read Todd’s mother’s book to him? (even that wasn’t the same bc that was also the scene where we find out he’s illiterate, and he lets her read it right away, so there was no deep-rooted embarrassment about not being able to read). also it happened in Farbranch. BUT, like it captured the emotion of the OG scene a little, where Viola is reading to Todd and he’s hearing his ma’s words and getting emotional about it.

but all the stand-out scenes from the book, i.e. saying goodbye to Ben and Cillian, meeting the girl and getting hit in the head with a branch and bandaging her anyway, ALL of the Aaron fights, the bridge, the massacre of Farbranch, the song of Here, the Spackle, Todd’s illness, the waterfall scene, Haven, NONE of that was in the movie. so imagine all the really important and powerful moments gone

also all the overarching themes? those are gone too. todd becoming a man is  HUGE deal in the books. even in his horrible awful town he just wants to feel like he BELONGS and he’s the one person in the entire town being ostracized. two of the biggest secrets in Todd’s whole world are kept from him for the majority of the book because he’s “not yet a man”. it’s important to him. and once todd realizes the connection between Prentisstown maturity and murder, he spends the rest of that book WISHING he could be a killer. wishing he could have that kind of strength and seeing himself weak for not being able to kill. 

all of that?? gone. movie!Todd often chants the familiar “I am Todd Hewitt” (and sometimes “be a man”) when he’s nervous or trying to cover something in his Noise, and has a little tiff with Ben and Cillian at the beginning of the movie bc the Mayor sees Todd as a man while Ben and Cillian do not. (that’s a weird little bit though bc the movie never really explains why the Mayor had such an interest in Todd). but that’s about it in terms of coming-of-age material in the movie. and about murder. seeing as he doesn’t. kill. the. Spackle. let that sink in.

also like. the Noise is shown as a CONCEPT but not as a theme. the THEME of Noise is that, and I quote

“In this world of information overload, the ability to feel, my boy, is a rare gift indeed.”

or perhaps

“Knowing a man’s thoughts ain’t knowing a man.”

or even

“Knowledge is dangerous and men lie and the world changes, whether I want it to or not.”

in this movie, Noise would be described as like. a nuisance at worst and a superpower at best. you can hear most of every man’s thoughts in the movie, though not a constant, never ending stream. just just bits sporadically at either plot-convenient or comedic times. the Mayor (and at one point Ben, and at one point Todd) uses his Noise to construct illusions around people kind of similar to that Jake Gyllenhaal villain in Spiderman: Far From Home. 

but neither of these two main examples really SHOW the themes that Patrick Ness showed us in the books. that Noise is powerfully ANNOYING; that it can quickly break down relationships between groups of people; that it can be manipulated making large lies still possible.

like, remember when in the books, Todd and Viola get to Farbranch and poor Todd is absolutely GOBSMACKED that 1. the women are ALIVE and 2. the men and women are living together?? in harmony?? what the eff?? and you see Hildy in Tam’s Noise and just how much they genuinely love each other and Todd is like “damn we ain’t in Prentisstown anymore Manchee”. and you can just see based on the contrast that Prentisstown people are a whole different breed compared to the kindness of Farbranch?

in the movie Todd has a few moments of inner dialogue where he’s like “oh man that’s a woman. that’s nuts” and then we move on. his world should be turned upside down here and its not. and the difference between the two towns is that they kinda just made it seem like, yeah, Noise is annoying so we have the men sleep separately from the women so we all get a little peace, and it’s fine. that’s how Farbranch deals with it. it all just feels very blasé 

(i can’t remember specifically where this happens, probably either in Farbranch or cutting back to the Prentisstown men getting ready to march, but at some point a leader ends up saying something to a crowd of people and you can see how just one sentence spreads through an entire group of men and how they all start amplifying it and getting more and more panicked and i did think the mob mentality was cool. it reminded me of the beginning of The Ask and the Answer were the Mayor is addressing the citizens of Haven and you get that moment where the whole crowd flinches over the words of one man.)

and in all of this I’ve barely mentioned Viola. my wonderful girl. how they’ve massacred her story. god.

all of Viola’s development for the first half of the book is tanked from the start bc you SEE the crash, you see her stealing food from Ben and Cillian’s house (that’s the inciting incident of the movie), she talks to the Mayor in Prentisstown almost immediately after Todd finds her and his Noise helps everyone locate her, she talks to Todd a lot before getting to Farbranch after they escape Prentissown. the book does a LOT of work for Viola by having her mute and scared for the beginning and slowly showing how she comes to trust Todd. and how even after their incessent bickering in Farbranch they still choose to escape together because they know the army is after them specifically and they’re all the other has. that progression is really important in the book, as well as afterwards when we see how snarky Viola can actually be when speaking, how she thinks this entire planet is BACKWARDS and she can’t wait til her ship comes and shows them a thing or two about how to live.

movie Viola, well. she wants to find a way to communicate with her ship. she’s under the impression that since her scout ship crashed they’re gonna assume she’s dead and leave her behind. even though the Mayor brings up the settlers a lot after he learns about them, Viola curiously never really brings them up in any other context besides they need to come and get her. like it really made it sound like she planned on calling them, having them scoop her, and then they’d all just fucking leave, i guess. i don’t know what her end goal was besides CALLING HER PEOPLE which became the main point of the movie. the Mayor trying to find Todd and Viola so he could....use her to contact the ship?? that was also kind of unclear. and Viola trying to get to a communicator possibly so she could get the hell out of dodge. idk if that was her actual plan, but it was certainly what Todd was thinking, enough to where I was wondering if he was going to sabotage her mission in order to force her to stay (yeah. yeah. he had that energy about him and it was grosss)

and quickly, since all the animals couldn’t talk the way they do in the book, Manchee was more of a cute prop than anything. i could have gotten over it if he was useful in any way, but he never even like attacked a dude to save Todd or anything like that. so when he died it was sad on a dog-level but not a character level, since besides sitting next to Viola like twice while she cried he really added nothing to the story. also the shock of animal death was greatly reduced already since Todd’s horse that he used to escape Prentisstown from got a broken leg after he rode him off a cliff, so Todd used the knife (off-screen, thank god) to put him down. so Manchee getting killed was kind of lessened a little since my man Whiskey got nixed like 40 min earlier in the film.

this is getting long so I’ll cut it here since I’m gonna probably post about this a thousand more times. but yeah. if you watched it completely divorced from the books you would probably think “that was a cool concept but also what was the point of any of that” which is basically what most people thought based on the review headlines i’ve read. and if you are an avid book fan you’re gonna think you’re watching something else entirely.

[juminsmysticmc]

For a request idk if this to vague but anything angsty is fine for me. I'm not feeling too well and think reading something like that would help. But do what's best for you as well.

⚠️TRIGGER WARNINGS⚠️

RFA try to save their kidnapped child

Hey there, I know, this took ages to write but I finally did it. I hope that you are better by now and feel much better. I am sorry if I couldn’t reach out for you. Please DM me, I would like to support you, okay? 

Jumin

The only thing you could hear were voices from afar and a sniffing little voice next to you as darkness surrounded you.

What in the world just happened?

Suddenly, everything came back at you.

,,DADDY, MOMMY IS AWAKE!“ the snorting sound gasped, opening the door and letting the bright light come in again.

,,Mc!“ Jumin said before he entered the room a bit later, closing the door and turning on the light.

Luckily, it was a much dimmer light.

,,How are you, my love?“ he asked you.

You looked around as reality hit you. ,,Where is… my baby? Jumin, where is our son?“ you asked him.

Jumin stroked your head and began to tear up.

,,I know that this is hard on you, Mc, but you need to tell me what happened… My men are already working on finding him but… you need to tell me everything you remember…’’

And so you began to tell him how you walked hand in hand with your children and the bodyguards from the playground and how suddenly you heard the bodyguards yell.

,,Everything went by so fast… I took our daughter in one arm and grabbed our son to run away, but… someone grabbed him! And, I tried to pull him! I yelled for help but… I don’t know how, but I fell and he let go of my hand and… that’s all I remember…’’ you confessed, crying in your husbands arms.

,,We will find him, we will…’’

Days went by and no call came; no one who wanted money or anything.

But suddenly, a call arrived.

And so, you disappeared with a lot of money to the requested place on your own, leaving your daughter in Zen‘s care.

You didn’t even tell Jumin, who did his everything with his bodyguards.

But little did you know that Zen had already informed Seven, who continued to track you down and informed Jumin later on.

And indeed, when you arrived, Jumin and his bodyguards were already at the place, a few men in their care and a crying boy in his father’s arms.

,,My… baby!“ you hiccuped and jumped towards him, hugging him too.

,,I will never let anything happen to you again…!“

Jumin tightened the security and even found out that the kidnappers randomly decided to kidnap a kid, finding out later that they caught a rich kid.

Perhaps, a big mistake for their lives.

Zen

,,Hyun, don’t let her out of your sight,“ you warned him, stroking the head of the infant sleeping in your arms.

,,I won’t. I‘m her daddy,“ he whispered before kissing you and your sleeping daughter.

,,Princess, let‘s go to the mall!“ Zen said to your older daughter in a whisper as to not wake up the baby.

,,Why is mommy staying at home with the baby?“

,,Baby, she‘s staying at home with the baby,“ Zen corrected her and stroked her head.

,,Because your little sister has a fever and mommy needs to stay home to make her feel better,“ Zen explained.

The little girl accepted the explanation and walked happily together with her dad through the little street with the little shops on the side.

,,You didn‘t buy that much, Princess,“ Zen wondered after carrying four full bags of clothes, toys, chocolate, and decorating stuff for you.

,,Daddy! Mommy said a little!“ she lectured him.

Suddenly, a few girls began to yell and apparently spotted Zen, who became pretty famous in the last few years.

,,Seri-ah, stay with Daddy, okay?“ Zen told the little girl who nodded.

However, more and more fans arrived and saw Zen, which led to chaos.

,,Daddy! Daddy!” The girl screamed suddenly.

Zen’s heart was shattering when he saw how someone had his daughter on his back, carrying her away from him while she was trying to get off.

,,LET ME GO! MOVE! MOVE! MY DAUGHTER IS GETTING KIDNAPPED!’’ he cried and screamed into the crowd, trying to get away from the fans.

However, his screams got overturned by the fans and they stopped him from saving his daughter.

,,Mr Ryu, I need you to work with us,’’ the officer said to Zen, who was sitting on the cold ground.

The stuff his daughter bought all over the floor, broken, and ready to go to the trash after people stepped on it.

He was in a trance.

Only your voice could make him look up.

,,Mc… I’m sorry,’’ he sobbed and jumped up, hugging you.

Like a little baby, he cried into your chest as you let your tears fall onto his white hair.

Days went by and no one called.

Zen was getting questioned increasingly by the day, but it never led to anything. 

,,I can’t wait any longer,’’ he hissed, one day.

The RFA was currently at his house, Seven sitting at the table, trying to figure out where that man came from.

,,You don’t have to,’’ he said suddenly.

That’s how it began.

Instead of telling the police, Seven, Zen, and Yoosung went to where the GPS led them. With the help of Jumin’s closest bodyguards, they stormed the place.

,,Whatever your reason was,’’ Zen said while he was holding his bloody daughter, ,,as of today, you will regret ever thinking of harming her,’’ he whispered, handing Yoosung his weak daughter and beginning to torture the man who almost killed his daughter.

Yoosung

,,DADDY!’’ the blond man heard, jumping up from the couch and panting.

Cold sweat was dripping down his forehead.

A short glance over to your hospital bed showed him that you were still sleeping.

It was no wonder that after getting beaten up, everyone would sleep that long.

Slowly, without making a sound, Yoosung got up and stepped out of the white room, which was making him crazy.

Just when he closed the door, his phone rang in his pocket, making him fumble the gadget out as quickly as possible.

It was either the police or Seven, and no matter who it was, one of them had good or bad news about the whereabouts of his daughter.

,,Seven,’’ Yoosung said firmly over the phone.

,,I found her. Come out right now. I will pick you up and we will save her, but don’t tell Mc,’’ Seven shortly said and cut the call.

Of course Yoosung didn’t lose any time on going out of the hospital and running up and down in the parking lot where his red haired friend picked him up in one of his cars.

,,Take this and wear this,’’ he said, handing him a gun and bulletproof jacket.

Yoosung was prepared for the worst and just accepted the equipment.

A few moments later, which seemed like an eternity to him, they arrived.

,,The CCTV says that they’re here,’’ Seven showed him on a map of the building.

,,We will enter from down here,’’ he showed him the place, ,,and move this way,’’ he went on, making Yoosung follow his finger with his eyes.

And so they went. Not losing a single moment, both of them walked the way they agreed on.

,,Daddy… daddy….’’ he heard a faint voice sobbing.

The little voice he missed so much, was filled with pain. The single thought about her being in pain made his blood boil.

,,Wait till we have her and then you can shoot as much as you want,’’ Seven said, throwing something into the crowd and fetching the girl as quickly as possible.

,,Assholes,’’ Yoosung said, his violet eyes filled with hate as he hit the man once again and shot at him a third time.

,,Hope you survive with the pain,’’ he said and vanished with Seven from the bloody place, his daughter now in his arms.

Jaehee

,,I’m sorry, Mc. I couldn’t save him,’’ Jaehee said at your grave.

The last thing you begged of her was to save your son before you died in the hospital due to the injuries the kidnappers gave you.

However, Jaehee couldn’t save either you or her son.

Instead, both of you died right in front of her eyes. What did life matter anymore?’’

With this question, she sat down on your grave, her back leaned against your stone while she looked up to your smiling picture.

The last time you smiled went through her head.

How you begged her to save him, her son, and how much you cried the day he was pulled out of your embrace.

Just a few moments earlier, you guys were laughing in the shop, when men in black barged in, shooting in your coffee shop and yelling for money.

Of course, just as every mother would do, you tried to cover your son with your body while she gathered the money out of the cash drawer.

However, life never went like Jaehee wished and the men shot you.

The last thing Jaehee saw was then your bloody body over your crying son, who got pulled away from you and disappeared.

A few days later, when she finally got the call, the day she left you to go and catch your happiness again, just to see him dying in front of her.

Blood over his face, Jaehee couldn’t recognize him anymore if it wasn’t for his tiny voice begging her to run.

,,Baby… Mommy is here…’’ she whispered, stepping closer to the boy hanging. 

,,Run-’’ he begged.

A loud bang followed and his last scream was when everything turned even redder and darker.

,,Jaehee-’’ you gasped when you saw her entering your room with his dead body.

It was the last time she ever heard you before you died from a heart attack.

,,I killed you both,’’ Jaehee cried and held the gun at her temple.

,,At least, I will kill myself too now…’’ she sobbed louder.

The loud gunshot was almost a little noise below the pouring rain as blood dropped on the green grass surrounding your grave.

Saeyoung

The fight was supposed to be over, he thought as he watched your lifeless figure on the bed.

The only thing that reminded him that you were alive were the sobs which left your mouth.

Nothing more.

You hadn’t eaten in days and you never got up either.

Saeyoung knew the next person he would lose would be you.

Suddenly Saeran called him, making him turn around in the big room and approach his brother who was sitting in front of a balck computer.

,,I think I got something. Let’s go and check it out,’’ he whispered.

Saeyoung was about to lose hope, but this last chance made his cold heart grow warmer.

Without telling you anything, he left, ready to fight once again. His father, the man who tried to once again destroy his happiness.

,,You guys finally arrived,’’ the white haired man laughed, him sitting on the chair, the lifeless body of his daughter on his lap.

,,You asshole. If she’s dead, I will-’’

,,Then do it,’’ he laughed, throwing her into the middle of the room as if she was an old bag.

,,You arrived too late,’’ he began.

,,You guys should have let the story die. If you would have done it like that, she would have survived,’’ he said while Saeyoung was still looking at her.

The face, which he only knew with a smile implanted on was pale and as white as the wall.

,,What did you do…?’’ he asked him, hate, despair and sadness in Saeyoung’s voice.

,,I played with her, just like a grand-’’

Saeyoung didn’t let him end his sentence and shot him there where he was the most vulnerable.

,,Asshole, you will go through much worse pain,’’ he hissed. Not even Saeran could recognize his brother while he began to beat up the man who killed his daughter and probably would make you die too...

MASTERLIST 1

MASTERLIST 2

MASTERLIST 3

19.02.2021// 11:29 MEST

[meta-squash]

I did a long thread on twitter analyzing/interpreting You’re My Waterloo for the fun of it, but it was mostly for the amusement/interest of myself and like one other friend on there that likes The Libertines. So I figured I’d transcribe it over here where people might get more out of it? Since it was a twitter thread, the sentences might be a bit weird and stilted, by the way. So:

I'm glad they waited to record Waterloo until 2015. I feel like any other time would have been wrong. I know Peter was playing the slow version back in at least 2007 but I think it would have been sad in a different way if they had recorded it before 2015. Like, in 2015 it's just a straight up love song that's slightly sad because, well, it's Peter. If they had recorded it before I feel like it'd have been a love song with resentment wound through it.  There's just a lot of emotion in that song and if there's one thing Peter is really really good at doing, it's Emoting Intensely. But it's not just Peter, the piano is so beautiful and the strings are beautiful and Carl's guitar solo is Intense. It's all A Lot. Like, of all the songs that Peter has written about Carl, about their relationship and career and experiences together, THIS is the one where you can feel most strongly the near-obsessive type adoration. So I’m glad they waited to record it properly when they were friends again (also I’m mildly surprised that it was Carl’s suggestion to rerecord it). Anyway.

Fuck the first verse of this song is a lot. This whole song is a lot. I mean it starts off with such a sad sentiment, it's almost a warning? "You'll never fumigate the demons / No matter how much you smoke." You can't smoke away sadness no matter how much you want to. Bitterly ironic, considering the sorts of things Peter ended up smoking etc to chase away demons, the types of extremes they both went to above and beyond just trying to fumigate. But anyway. "Just say you love me for three good reasons / And I'll throw you the rope." It's just so fucking codependent. So intensely obsessive and codependent. There was a quote, I think maybe from Roger Sargent?, about Peter crying outside a venue in like 2002 because even then he was scared about losing his friendship with Carl to the Something Bigger of fame. This feels like a desperate bid to hang on to that love. But also like Peter is so intense. Every video of interviews where he's sitting next to Carl or gigs when they're friends or reunions or whatever, he just wants to be in Carl's space and have Carl's gaze and his attention and stuff. Like a cat that sits on your work.

Again, a digression. Oops. I said I was in a mood. It's so interesting that while it's definitely a love song To Carl, the only direct mention of Love is asking for love From Carl. It's like he's working on the assumption that his feelings are obvious (they are) and desperately wants reassurance or reciprocation.

"You don't need it / Because you are the survivor / Of more than one life" We know the origin of this is apparently Carl's dead twin brother. But also the offering of a rope only to reassure that no, you don't need it is just so...I don't know...sweet? Especially because while "throw you the rope" is obviously a symbol of rescue it could just as easily be a noose. Except that it's neither. Because he doesn't need it. Because he can survive fucking anything, because they love each other--he hopes. It’s like, if you love me as much as I love you, I’ll try to help you, even though I know you don’t need me because you just need to realize you can do it on your own. "And you're the only lover I had / Who ever slept with a knife" The interview where they talk about this line is so funny. "No it's not about us. But Carl did sleep with a knife and the line about being a survivor is about Carl having a dead twin and Peter saying he was the twin reincarnated. But it’s totally not about us." Anyway. Ugh just so much of this song seems to be about Peter being Super Obvious and open about his love for Carl and Carl being more closed off. Carl being the only lover who slept with a knife; he'll accept the love but he's wary of it and wary giving it.

(By the way by love I don't necessarily mean Romantic or Sexual love. They clearly adore each other one way or another, that's obvious enough. But Best Friendship love is 100% a thing.) (However, the Judy Garland line is so funny to me because "Friend of Dorothy" was a secret code for gay men for a while. And considering the amount of queer literature etc Peter references in everything, there's no way he didn't know this.)

I can't really go in depth into the Tony Hancock line since I really don't know much about Hancock and I know that it was a real touchstone for Peter and Carl. But it plus the Judy Garland line feels like a "neither of us have ever really had a home, but we found one in each other" thing. Which is. A lot. Especially with the "until the dawn" bit, because a main component of so many stories about them from other people is the two of them staying up for days together writing and adventuring and just doing stuff and no one else being able to get in their little bubble.

I love the "ahh" after "Stone the crows" and the way the music starts to swell. It's obvious that the next verse is the Important One. And it is. There's the story about Peter crashing an event at the Old Vic while Carl was ushering to tell him they should be writing together and everyone who's there are dicks. But it's also like...so many layers of what is success and what is appreciation and how do you express love. I assume the flowers are not from his show, that he's collected them from the stage after someone else's show. But it's reusing tokens of mostly empty/superficial/performative appreciation--the tradition of tossing flowers on the stage--as a token of genuine love. Sitting through an entire performance, watching someone else's success and dreaming of being there and then using the token of appreciation for that person to instead give it to the person you yourself appreciate and love and want to succeed with. It's like a promise, a "we'll get there." But also another act of desperation because he's been sitting there for hours. Carl wasn't there to receive the gift and wasn't there to write with him. But he's been chasing words around on the page--the love-words to this song or the words to another one?--and he needs Carl there to really complete it, needs Carl there to hear it. It's very much in line with Peter yelling that they should be writing. This intense "Please be with me please accept the way I express myself please complete my incomplete bits please like me as much as I like you" etc.

And then the chorus which is so interesting. I desperately wish I understood the Gypsy Lane and Stanley Park references. I think Stanley Park is a footie reference but I’m not sure? I'm trying to do all of the interpretation off my own brain and not use the notes on the Genius website or anywhere else but I wanted to see if those two references here had been crowdsourced. Apparently both Gypsy Lane and Stanley Park are places he spent time in his childhood (and I called it on the football reference, yes!). Which is. Wow. Okay. And then there's Waterloo which is a whole thing in itself. It's Waterloo as Waterloo but also Waterloo Station. So Carl is able to be Peter's Ultimate Defeat, the thing that has the ability to ruin him. But also Waterloo Station is near the Old Vic where Carl worked & would go to theatre bars, so it's also a place of familiarity. Since I don't know anything else about the Gypsy Lane reference, I can only assume it's also a place of comfort and familiarity. So Peter's admitting to Carl's power over him, ability to hurt him, but offering to comfort him in return. (Important for later.)

"I'm so glad we know just what to do / And exactly who's to blame" I love this line because it knows it's wrong. Especially in 2015 but maybe even in the early days. They bounced blame back and forth between them for YEARS. Not to mention all the outside bullshit. And obviously they didn't know what to do. The Waterloo/Stanley Park is another reference to a familiar place and a power to hurt/offer to comfort moment. I wish I knew if there was some sort of proper football reference here (aka a QPR reference since that's Peter's team) but I know absolutely nothing about sport so idk.

"Well I'm so glad we know just what to do / And no one's left / Stumbling around / Tumbling around / Fumbling around / In the dark" The way Peter sings this sounds so hopeful and sad at the same time. It's interesting to know this line was written way, way back. Like, this song was apparently one of the first ever songs they demoed. The demo is a lot more frantic and less romantic but jesus christ. The way Peter sings it now it's like he knows that was just an unconscious self-fulfilling prophecy. Like, no, they absolutely were left in the dark, hurting each other over and over and not being able/willing to place blame or to communicate. Except now, in 2015, they're not anymore. (and especially not now in 2021). But it's also another desire for comfort. Like, Peter's offering the comfort here. But he's also just confessed the power to hurt that Carl has. So this is also a "are you going to offer me comfort the way I've offered it to you?" sort of question. 

And then there's the solo which. Woof. It feels like a response to Peter's words. Like reaching out with sound. Like a shoulder-squeeze or a hug in response, something nonverbal that’s really trying to catch up and match up to the intense emotions in the words. The music crescendos and the solo is literally waves of notes that roll up and down and up and then it crashes down but lands so softly at the feet of the chorus.

And then we have equal footing, sort of (and Carl as Jesus again). Carl is still Peter's Waterloo, his ultimate defeat (or his place of comfort). But now Peter is Carl's Calvary. Which is the place where Jesus was crucified. Peter’s been offering comfort to Carl, but suddenly Peter has power over Carl. It's like...veneration and threat at once. Carl's Jesus, the savior, but also if he doesn't love Peter, Peter has the power to crucify him (or at least threatens to have that power). Or it's another portent: Carl could be Peter's savior, except that everything falls apart and Carl ends up hurt instead. They both end up hurt instead. So then they're on equal footing.

Which brings them to the "Well I'm so glad we know just what to do," which feels a little sadder but also a little more confident than the other two. The answer is in the "Everyone's gonna be happy / But of course." They need to work to figure out how to make each other happy, how to be comfort rather than hurt. It's not that simple. It never is. The "But of course" is a sarcy acknowledgement of how difficult that actually is. But it's also that sort of quiet hopefulness that yeah, maybe soon we'll figure it out and everyone will be happy and will get to say "of course I'm happy" about it.

[hottie0]

k so i had an idea for a chameron ao3 series of all the fics being conan gray songs but i got lazy and only wrote 1.5 stories for it so because i’m not acc gonna do it imma share the ideas i had cuz someone might find them useful so (btw these will be copied directly from notes the first time i wrote them, they can also be used for other ships if u want but i made them for chameron):

grow: a year after hs cam and charlie run into eachother in vermont and then u see a bunch of flashbacks of old nights and things at welton. they exchange numbers at the end or smth. (i did this one)

idle town: charlie can’t sleep at his new school. he reminisces and whatever. a little more focused on cam. he looks over at the other side of the room but cam isn’t there anymore. instead it’s his new roommate who he doesn’t even know the last name of. end it somehow.

generation why: pre-canon cam and charlie just talking on the roof. banter. romantics ensue on cams behalf. charlie doesn’t feel the same way. that’s why charlie treats him the way he does.

crush culture: charlie pining after cam. a bunch of little things cam does to push charlie over the edge. charlie talks to neil and neil says cam likes him too. he doesn’t. charlie kisses cam one night while studying and cam rejects him and they argue. this is the night of neils death. that’s why cam didn’t find out through charlie and everything hurt a little bit more than it should’ve.

greek god: cameron’s being made fun of all the time by charlie and he knows charlie likes him and idk tbh this one got deleted and idk what i had written

lookalike: pre-neils death cam and charlie dated in their time at welton then broke up which caused tension going into senior year. the dead poets knew. when the dps started charlie got a gf and wouldn’t stop talking about her. her name was elaine. he brought her to a meeting and she looks just like cam. damn.

the other side: falling out of love. the process.

the king: cameron accidentally reads a poem charlie had written for/about him. he stresses all day and acts weird. everyone else is like ??? at night cam decides f it and confronts him. it ends cute

comfort crowd: night time. tomorrow morning charlie was meant to leave welton so all his stuff was packed up. hed already punched cam so it was tense. to say the least. cam randomly gets up out of bed and charlie is like wtf?? cam fuddles around then he’s like “u coming” they go to the cave and have a meaningful talk and if they end up cuddling then that’s their business

wish you were sober: charlie and cameron get drunk in their dorm. cam can’t hold his alcohol well so he gets wayy more drunk. he tells charlie some personal shit. some of which includes the fact that he used to have feelings for charlie. charlie has feelings for cam. he’s sad and sends cam to bed.

maniac: short one. they’re at the same bar a few years later. not with eachother but cam knows charlie’s there. charlie is talking shit abt cam and calling him weird and blah blah. but just that night, charlie had called cam desperate after years. cam thinks abt everything. he gets up and leaves but doesn’t leave w/o saying a big ol’ f u to charlie. this ones so mean to charlie. sucks. anyways.

online love): they’re doing long distance because charlie got expelled. they break up over the phone. aw. make it depressing. maybe by them being interrupted before rly saying goodbye and shii.

checkmate: they’re playing chess idk i couldn’t think of anything better. just cute and fluffy cuz i say so.

the cut that always bleeds: cameron is in a problematic relationship w a girl he met at uni. they just went through one of their fight episodes. cam went back to his room but he needed company. he decides to go to charlie’s dorm for comfort. but they haven’t spoke since that evening years ago. charlie says “i thought i’d never see you again” yadda yadda cam tells charlie everything and they just hold eachother. the gf is like “plz take me back” so cam does and he never sees charlie ever again. cry abt it.

fight or flight: charlie has a gf but little does he know she’s cheating on him. he ends up catching her with her side piece in their apartment. it’s cameron. there’s a whole wtf moment and the gf is like “u two know eachother???”. cams like “i swear i didn’t know” the girl leaves but cam stays. they argue or whatever or just talk not sure yet. then they kiss and charlie says something dumb and it ends. also cameron is hot as shit in this btw.

affluenza: probs short. when charlie is getting ready to leave cam is like “so money can’t buy happiness” and charlie’s like tf did u say to me. they talk abt where charlie’s going and whatnot and money. “i can’t do the things you do charlie, don’t you get anything” charlie leaves feeling a bit more guilty.

(can we be friends?): cam and charlie’s life growing up together. cute moments of them falling for the other. “now charlie knows why he and cameron could never be friends.”

heather: charlie and knox are together. cameron likes charlie. one night charlie is drunk and it’s just cam and him in the dorm. charlie ends up kissing cameron as a joke and cameron doesn’t know. there’s a fic like this. after the kiss it’s never the same. knox doesn’t know what happened. cameron has to watch them be all buddy buddy and shit- even if they’re not out to the rest of the group, cam knows. cameron knows not to interfere with their relationship no matter how much he wants to. he chooses to sit and watch and keep all his feelings inside.

little league: charlie stops by a cafe one night because he has nothing else to do. it turns out it’s open mic night. someone gets up to read. that someone is cameron. cameron performs a poem called little league. charlie remembers things. he leaves before the poem is over. /OR/ Cameron is an adult, he's a doctor or smth bouj, he has a family, a house, the embodiment of the american middle aged straight white man dream life. But sometimes, in secret, he takes Welton's Yearbook out of the shelf, and he traces Charlie face, and he remembers.

the story: cameron and charlie are late-night swimming in the lake together. they’re fantasizing abt whatever and charlie says “we should run away” they continue the convo like they did the others. a few days later charlie brings it up again, seriously this time. “what? dalton are you on something?” no. they get into an argument and shit. about a week later cameron wakes up to charlie sneaking out, but this isn’t sneaking out like dps meeting sneaking out, he’s running away. cam: “charlie? what are you doing up?” charlie: “this is your last chance. you coming?” cam: *thinks* no.

fake: ratting on keating and more angsty mess

overdrive: first kiss moment. they’re meant to be studying but they got distracted and are just talking instead. charlie’s like “cam have u ever kissed sum1” cam: “i think u know the answer to that dalton” charlie: “do you want to” cam: “ha! that’s a laugh! who can i find within a mile of here that i could kiss” charlie: me. whole carpe diem whatever- “charlie are you kidding do you know what would happen if someone found out!?” “so i won’t let them” but they kiss and it’s cute

astronomy: au: cam never ratted out keating but neil still died but just that whole thing never happened. ok. ever since neil died both cam and char were different. their relationship was tense. before it had been perf and everyone was envious of them but after neil everything changed. cameron was more agressive and easily irritable. charlie was more reserved and quiet. they tried to fix it but they decided it would be best to split. they still saw eachother in hallways and stuff, but were no longer roommates. after a couple months, they were strangers.

people watching: a view on the cameron/charlie relationship from other people. they’re opposites obv. when ppl were first informed they were taken aback to say the least. but when they see how they are together they get it yk? yeah u do.

ur welcome for my genius guys u need it.

[amythecinnabunny]

71 and 100 Julie and Luke

71. Twenty-Four Hours to Live  

100. Accidentally Saving the Day   

You really would like to kill the fandom and me wouldn't you???? I tried so hard to make it jukebox specific but the whole band + Willie are so closely entwined with each other its nearly impossible akxbjsbsbs

So I'm thinking canon-verse? But a year later or less. I think more than a year would get a little awkward as Julie would surpass 17 in a year's time.

All our current problems and issues are resolved by this point. Ray, Carlos and Tia Victoria have met the band. Possibly Carrie too. The Bobby/Trevor debacle is dealt with. Caleb is deslth with (he's not dead(er) he's just keeping to the HGC). Julie and Carrie have since mended their friendship. Jukebox and Williex are official now. Possibly Flarrie too, maybe Kaylie. Maybe Nick/Flynn. Maybe Carricklynn. Maybe Nick/Reggie. Who knows, anything is possible. Julie can see but not touch Willie -- but he others can't see him at all.

The band has made it big by now. They're the latest and greatest. Almost everyone is talking about Julie and the Phantoms. By now, articles and posts refer to them as legends.

Julie's looking at colleges now and it's kinda settling in that Julie's growing up. In a year, she'll be done with high school and going off to college, something the boys never even had the change to do. So that angsty conversation's gonna happen.

But then things start to get weird. Sometimes, Julie will pass through the boys but they won't immediately notice. Or they'll be talking to someone other that Julie and they'll sort of flicker. Not physically or anything its just that to the other person, they're flickering.

Oh yeah, for this, I'm gonna go with the more they play with Julie, the more human-like they get and by the end of the year gap, they're visible full-time, just not always tangible to people other than Julie. They can still do their gimmick cause the whole visible thing is on command. So you can bet your ass Luke vanished on the spot when Ray asked about jukebox.

The strange thing is . . . It's happening with Willie too. Sometimes Willie's hand will go right through Alex's. Sometimes he and Reggie are playing video games with Carlos and then both of them see Reggie flickering and Reggie, of course, doesn't notice

One evening, after a late night gig, Julie and the boys gather on one couch to watch the local 24/7 news together and see them hit the highlights on a recap. The newscaster??? newsreader??? wtf do you call em? anyway the presenter brings them up near midnight and calls them Los Angeles' most beloved legends.

Midnight on the dot, the boys get these circles on their wrists. Like tattoos. A stamp. Just a thick black ring. They're all confused about it and they check Julie's wrist for a ring -- maybe it's a magic band thing? -- but Julie's wrists are free of any black circles.

They're so confused, they spend all night thinking about it. Julie doesn't even sleep. She calls Flynn about it. She calls Carrie about it. She even talks to Carlos until he gets tired. Alex brings Willie over to talk about it. They're all so baffled that they don't notice it changing until dawn-ish.

Willie's the one to notice Alex's. A quarter of the ring is missing. Julie grabs Luke's wrist and compares it to Reggie's before scrambling over each other to put their wrists next to Alex's. All still identical, with about a quarter of it missing.

"It looks like a countdown."

"What happens when it counts down to the end?"

Silence

Willie says he'll ask around the HGC. Yes, Caleb is safe to visit. His ass has been kicked and it's mostly embarrassment that keeps him holed up when he's not performing or practicing.

Reggie shrugs it off, saying he and Carlos have a date with Destiny. Destiny 2, to be specific. Alex also shrugs it aside, he has a Dirty Candy rehearsal to crash and he's not about to miss it. (The running lie is that the boys visit Julie after every gig. Maybe Kayla knows the truth too. Idk it's small details, up to the author that would like to decimate me by writing this)

That leaves Luke and Julie alone together. Julie can't get it out of her mind. If it's a countdown, what's it counting down to? What happens at the end?

Luke tries to take her mind off it with some songwriting after she gets breakfast, maybe practicing a little together. They even write a little bit of a duet together. Luke keeps Julie entertained for a full four hours, amid which Alex returned and chose to go and watch Reggie and Carlos completely lose track of time.

Julie takes an hour-long nap, leaving Luke to stare at the ring on his wrist and wonder why it's nearly a half circle now.

Willie pops into the studio in a frenzied panic, Reggie and Alex in tow. Luke is so startled, he nearly drops the acoustic. The clatter wakes Julie. Willie looks almost apologetic when he notices her.

Julie asks him what he found out as Luke sits next to her and helps her move her hair from her face. Willie struggles to explain. He's half hoping that maybe, if he doesn't say it aloud, it won't be true. He says it's a clock. It's twenty four hours.

Reggie is the one who asks what happens at the final hour. Willie doesn't answer for a long while. He just holds Alex's hand tight.

At the same time, Willie's hand drops as if he hadn't been holding on to anything and Luke's arm passes right through Julie. The boys flicker before Julie and Willie and it lasts nearly ten seconds.

It slowly dawns on them. No one wants to say it.

"They cross over," Julie whispers when the silence gets heavier than the revelation. Willie only nods. The silence in the garage weighs on them almost visibly.

They look at their wrists, almost half circles.

"So we have about twelve hours left," Alex says. "Maybe we can figure out a way to stop it."

Willie reaches for Alex's hand again. "I asked. There's no way to stop it. Once your unfinished business is complete, you have twenty four hours before you're gone from here. Gone for good."

Luke is adamant there's a way to stop it. His arm tightens around Julie, like she's the one leaving. He hates the defeated look in Willie's eyes. He hates that even in the back of his own mind, there's a voice telling him to get his affairs in order before he dies for the second time.

By the time Reggie determinedly states that there has to be a way to stop it and that they will figure it out, the marks have become perfect half-circles. There are only twelve hours left.

I don't wanna think too hard about it because I don't need to cry at 10pm, but there will be a lot of sad but sweet jukebox moments in between it all.

By the time there's only a third of the ring left, they've started losing hope. They haven't found a single ghost who has any idea how to help. The internet has been very unhelpful. There was a group of wiccans who tried to help but they suggested a spell that didn't look very authentic and it also involved sacrificing a goat at midnight and well, they didn't have until midnight. Still, the wiccans were very sympathetic and wished them well.

They didn't know how to tell the rest about this and they didn't have any idea how to say goodbye to each other. It felt like they were trying to say goodbye to a piece of themselves, the the most important part of themselves.

At the three-quarter mark, Reggie quietly tells Alex and Luke that they ought to spend some time alone with Willie and Julie. If Reggie/Nick or Reggie/Flynn is a thing for this, then Reggie would spend some time alone with them. If not, probably Ray and Carlos.

Cue the most heartwrenching conversation you have ever read in your life, ending with the worlds most grief-filled kiss. I'd get into it but like I said up there, I cannot afford to start crying now.

It's a thin black strip when they get together in the studio. Reggie's partner would be there too if he has one. If not, it's just the band + Willie.

Willie hasn't let go of Alex for over an hour, but now, when the mark is a nearly invisible line, he nudges Alex forward, towards Julie and Luke.

"Band circle?" Luke tries to joke. It only makes their tears fall faster.

Reminiscent of the hug they shared when Caleb's stamp lifted, the four of them try as hard as they can to hug each other as tightly as possible. Willie thinks to himself that he feels strange not being the last person to hold Alex, but it feels like for his band to be the last people to hold him.

None of them are very co-ordinated outside of music related things and just like the night a year ago, they tumble to the ground when someone stands on someone's foot and someone leans a little too much in one direction.

Willie can't help the laugh. It's just so them to be so undignified even in their last moments. He can't even see any of their marks anymore. The only reason he knows it must still be there is because the boys are this there. They knock the radio down and it starts playing the last inserted CD. Willie joins them on the ground and lays his head on Alex's chest as Now or Never fills the studio. --like we'll live forever, but live it like it's now or never

Julie, from between Luke and Reggie, reaches over to grab Alex's hoodie, just so she can be holding on to all of them when it happens. "I love you guys so much."

Luke kisses her forehead. There is a chorus of, "I love you too, Julie." Willie and Alex quietly share another set of "I love you"s.

Julie has long since gotten used to laying her head on Luke's chest and hearing nothing, but the silence behind the old song is nearly deafening. It just serves as a reminder than this is the last time she will ever see or touch Luke or Alex or Reggie again. She wraps her other arm around Reggie. It's uncomfortable and is probably bruising some part of her body, but she needs to be able to hold them all before they go.

Julie shuts her eyes and holds tightly to her boys, wishing with all her heart that there was some way to save her boys again. Some way to bring them back properly this time, so they could grow up with her. Some way to make sure Alex and Willie could stay together, that one of then won't ever have to say goodbye.

It only registers that something feels a little strange after the song abruptly cuts. The CD scratches, trying to play the rest of it but there's just a steady clicking sound. It clicks on a steady count. Like a steady drum beat. In time to a pulsing beat.

Like startled stoats, Willie and Julie shoot up and lock eyes over Alex and Luke.

The boys are, rightfully, confused.

Julie and Willie spiderman-meme point at each other, sputtering like an old car on a frozen winter morning.

Still confused and expecting to be long gone, they boys sit up and search their wrists for any traces of the mark, even the thinnest of lines.

Finally, Julie gets a coherent word out. "Heartbeat!"

"Heartbeat!" Willie echoes, nodding vigorously.

They're still jabbing their fingers at each other, having a full conversation with their sputtering sounds.

"Heartbeat?" Reggie echoes, baffled.

Julie and Willie yell at Luke and Alex, "Heartbeat!" It seems to be the only word they can get out. Clicking her tongue, Julie grabs Luke's hand and presses it to his own chest.

Reggie screams suddenly. He's standing suddenly and he's got his fingers at his neck. "P-p-p-pulse!"

He looks at Julie and Willie. "Heartbeat," he says slowly, understanding.

Alex screams. Willie only realises Alex had been holding his wrist when he lets go.

"What?"

Alex reaches out for Willie, as if to cue his face, but instead places his fingers just under Willie's jaw. He screams again, startling Willie, who never expected his boyfriend to look him in the eye and shout like he'd seen a demon. So Willie screams. Which startles Alex. Who screams again.

Luke finally registers what's going on. He screams. Right in Julie's ear. She gets startled. She screams. Startling Luke. Who screams again.

Reggie is still screaming with each place he puts his fingers and feels a steady beat.

There is so much screaming going on in the studio that Ray and Carlos make their way down too. Carri and Flynn, who wanted to be there for Julie after, come barreling in after. The four of them stand there, perplexed, as Julie, Alex, Reggie, Willie and Luke, all standing now, point at each other and scream.

Its pandemonium, honestly. A miracle none of the neighbors have come over to check.

And Julie drops her first curse in front of her dad as she stares at Luke, Reggie and Alex. "WHAT THE FUCK, YOU GUYS????"

Willie, who's never had any qualms cursing when no living adult could ever hear him, stares at Juliie like she's grown a second head. "NO! NO NO NO! NOT THEM WHAT THE FUCK! ME WHAT THE FUCK!!! ME!!!!"

Julie squints at Willie. "What??"

Alex holds up Willie's wrist. "PULSE!!"

Julie's eyebrows shoot up. "PULSE???? WHAT DO YOU MEAN PULSE?!"

"I mean pulse! What do you think??"

"What the hell is going on in here?" Carrie finally mutters.

As one, they all turn to the perplexed group in the doorway. Julie grabs Luke and drags him up to Carrie. She almost throws him at Carrie with the amount of force she uses to thrust his arm at her. "Pulse," she says, pointing to Luke's wrist.

Carrie sighs. "You know you're the only one that can--" Carrie screams when Julie slaps her arm with Luke's hand. Carrie screaming startles Flynn, who let's out a short screech.

"NO MORE SCREAMING!" Ray yells. In the silence, the clicking radio seems to get louder. Not trusting any of the screaming teenagers, Ray turns to his son. "Carlos, can you turn that off, please?"

Carlos rights the radio and presses the pause button. He presses it again. Sunset Curve fills the studio for a second -- dreaming like we'll live forever -- before Carlos manages to get it off.

Later, after they've explained everything and are still trying to wrap their heads around it, Julie crawls onto the couch beside Luke and lays her head on his chest. It's incredibly strange to hear a steady beat where there was once nothing but she can't deny that she loves the sound of it.

"That demo has more magic in it than the entire Hollywood Ghost Club," Alex mutters from the armchair he and Willie are squished into.

"I wonder what'll happen if I listen to any of the other tracks on the demo," Julie jokes.

"We'll probably grow wings," Reggie mutters from under Carlos, who had been so thrilled that Reggie wasn't leaving anytime soon, he had fallen asleep hugging Reggie.

Alex and Luke laugh, sharing an inside joke.

"You think you guys would still be here if Reggie didn't knock the radio over?" Willie asks.

"All hail, my mighty inability to watch where I'm going."

This time, Julie and Willie laugh too.

Julie curls up against Luke and sighs contentedly, listening to Luke's heart pound against his ribcage. In that moment, she can't think if anywhere else she'd rather be, anything else she'd rather listen to.

For the first time since they died, when Julie finally falls asleep, they doze off too.

Willie feels strange. When he yawns, he realizes he hasn't been tired since he first woke up as a ghost. It's nightly inconvenient and annoying, but he hasn't felt this alive since Alex first kissed him. As Willie dozes off, he makes a mental reminder to figure out what included him in the whole thing. He'll forget when he wakes up and they spend the day celebrating their mere alive-ness.

Things get even more interesting when Julie and the Phantoms perform again and Jullie accidentally walks through Luke, but that's a whole other story.

[obxhoe]

Hi!! I was wonder if you can write JJ x Reader when the reader and JJ are friends but both have huge crushes on each other. One day at John B’s house they both confess their love. They then kiss and all the other pogues see and are happy?!! You can add smut if you write it, if you want. Thanks!!

a/n: sorry this is late, i started writing this a few days ago and then went on a spontaneous ~trip~ if you know what i mean lol ;) anyways i literally love this request also thank you for being my first request ever :) I hope you like this!!!!

word count: around 1700

warnings: alcohol, weed, swearing, teeeeeny tiny bit of smut idk if you could even call it that lol

It was written in the stars that you and JJ were meant to be. Everyone knew it. Well everyone except you two. You and JJ have been friends for years now, you clicked immediately. The friendship had always been flirty, consisting of jokingly arguing, laying on each other while watching movies or by the fire. But somewhere along the line you had caught feelings for him. No matter how hard you tried to suppress or deny it, they were there and they weren’t going away anytime soon. It never got easier seeing him flirt with other girls, your chest always felt tight and heavy when you looked over and saw him chatting it up with some touron. Kie was the first one to know about your feelings for the beautiful, blond haired boy. She kind of figured out on her own when one night at a party at the boneyard she saw you lock eyes on JJ and a ditzy girl talking closely, JJ eyeing her up and down. You slammed your cup down and walked away towards the water and she knew immediately what was going on and followed you. The conversation was simple: she knew and you were just completely oblivious to how obvious your feelings were.

Since then, not much has changed. You’ve kept your feelings to yourself, and well Kie, and JJ has kept his attention on whoever his girl of the week is. What you didn’t know, but Kie, Pope and John B assumed, was that JJ had feelings for you too. Of course you are oblivious to the signs, but everyone else can see it. He looks at you while you speak as if you are the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. When he sees you talking to other guys, his fists and jaw clench. He keeps it hidden, or so he thinks he does, but the other pogues can see it all. The girls he hooks up with, he does that to try to take his mind off of you.

Tonight is the usual party at the boneyard. At the last party, JJ walked off with another girl and returned the next morning to the chateau covered in hickeys and the sight of that made you sick. Hell, even thinking about it makes you feel sick. You decide tonight, you’re just going to finally let loose, get somewhat drunk and hopefully find a semi-attractive guy to hookup with to forget about JJ for a little bit. You fiddle with your rings while waiting for John B and the rest of the group to pick you up. Hearing the car reach the gravel driveway, you shoot up. All of a sudden feeling butterflies in your stomach knowing that the boy you’re hopelessly in love with waits behind the door of the van. Pulling open the door you see Kie look you up and down giving you a smirk and thumbs up. John B whistles and Sarah playfully hits his arm but shoots you a wink. You try not to look at JJ. What you don’t see is that his face has flushed, he licks his lips and his fists are clenched by his sides.

It’s not too long after arriving that you start to feel the buzz from the alcohol creeping in, starting at your toes and working into your hands. You can’t stop giggling at the stupidest things and you finally feel a bit at peace. That is until you see a girl approach JJ, grabbing his hand and pulling him to dance. Your stomach drops and you search for some guy so you can do the same. You jump at a deep voice behind you and quickly turn around, finding yourself face to face with a tall brunette with piercing green eyes.

“Dance with me.” he asked, actually more like demanded. You nod, his hand on the lower half of your back, guiding you to where everyone else was dancing. Your back is to him, swaying to the beat of the music. Usually you would be self conscious dancing in front of all of these people but the alcohol in your system was giving you the confidence you needed. You felt his hands wrap around your front, placing one hand on the side of your hip and one on your thigh. All of a sudden you make eye contact with the one person you would rather go without seeing for the rest of the night. You locked your eyes with his and you continued to grind your hips into the boy behind you. You feel his breath and your neck and you roll your head back. You look back to where you just saw JJ and he’s not there anymore, but the girl is.

“Y/n,” you hear Kie behind you. You turn and she nods her head towards the parking lot. “We’re heading out. You're sleeping at John B’s with us right?” You look at your phone and see that it’s 2 am already.

“Yeah, I’m coming.” You turn to the guy you’ve been dancing with and flash him a smile and give him a flirty wave goodbye. It was good to forget about JJ for a bit.

When you get into the van, you see Pope in the driver's seat, JJ sitting shotgun and John B with Sarah in his lap in the back. You climb in and say hi to everyone, but JJ ignores you.

When you reach the chateau, JJ gets out and slams the door, rushing towards the house.

“What the fuck is his problem” Sarah said making a face.

“Dude I don’t know. He got in the van all huffy and pissed off for some reason. I saw him like shove a girl off of him and storm away from her. I don’t know if she said something or what.” Pope chimes in.

“You should talk to him” John B says to you, everyone agreeing with him.

“Fine” you sigh, hoping that whatever bad mood he was in would easily be sorted out. You all pile in the house and you notice JJ in a hammock in the backyard. You hold your breath and walk outside.

“Hi. What’s going on with you?” You ask, somewhat shakily.

“Why do you care?” JJ days and it feels like you’re being stabbed in the chest.

“What the fuck. What is your issue?”

“I don’t know Y/n. Just go away. I’m sure you’d much rather be spending your time with that guy from the party right now.” He mumbles while lighting a joint. He takes a deep inhale, and you’re lost for words.

“Is… Is that what your mood is about? Me dancing with another guy? Why would you even care about that?” You’re shaking, too many emotions running rampant through your head.

“Nevermind. Forget I even said anything.” You snag the joint out of his hand, desperately needing to relax. After you exhale you speak, slowly, trying not to irritate him further.

“No JJ, can you please tell me what the hell is going on with you. Because never have I seen you like this.” He takes the joint back and looks you dead in the eyes.

“Do you not see it Y/n? I like you. I fucking like you. I’ve liked you for so long it hurts. Seeing you with that other guy made me so angry that my vision went blurry.” He shakes his head. “I’m fucking head over heels for you and it drives me crazy.” Your stomach drops, and you can’t think straight.

“You- What? No. There’s no way. You fuck around with so many girls, it makes no sense.”

“I do that so that I can try to push away my feelings for you. And it never works. I always just sit there wishing it was you, it’s pathetic.” He throws the dying joint into the ground. “You don’t have to say anything more, it's fine, just let me be please.”

“No” You state, he groans.

“Please.”

“No JJ” you take a deep breath. “I’m not leaving. I can’t. Do you wanna know why I was dancing with that guy? Because I was so done with thinking about you with other girls. Because I needed to forget for one fucking second that I could never have the one thing I want most in the world. I’ve cried to Kie so many times it’s embarrassing. I jus-” He cuts you off by grabbing your face and pressing his lips to yours. You climb onto his lap, careful to not flip yourself off of the hammock. You breathe him in, taking in every second, your heart fluttering out of your chest. He lets out a small moan as you grab onto his hair. You pull away, looking into his ocean colored orbs. His eyes fluttering, his breath quick.

“You like me?” He whispers with a smile on his face. You nod, quietly laughing with a grin plastered across your face. He pulls you into a hug murmuring “I can’t believe this” into your hair. You lay there for a few more minutes before retreating inside to grab some water and head to bed. You sit on top of the counter as JJ opens the fridge. He walks in between your legs and places a kiss on top of your forehead. Then your nose. Then your mouth.

“Fucking finally.” You hear Kie yell behind you.

“John B you owe me 20 bucks” Pope hits John B on the shoulder. Your face is bright red as you pull away from JJ and look behind his shoulder. Your best friends are standing 7 feet away from you, with smirks and smiles across their faces. You cock an eyebrow, confused as to why they're all so happy. What about no pogue on pogue macking?

“You’re not mad?” you question.

“We’ve been waiting on this forever. It was so obvious you guys liked each other, we’ve had bets going for months.” John B laughed.

“It was about time” Kie shrugged. “I’m just happy I don’t have to keep the secret anymore.”

Everything just fell into place, it was blissful. You fell asleep next to JJ on the couch, snuggled up by his side, the happiest you’ve been in a very long time.

[just-anka]

I realised I haven’t really regularly posted here since like... I don’t even know, September? It’s been a while, anyway. A lot happened, and I now feel like actually writing a post for the first time in a while, so here goes haha. The first bullet point is entirely work waffle so feel free to skip. Apologies in advance for the fact that this post will probably reach novel length by the time I’m done. 

• I took a week off in late September before Ben started his new job so we could go to the mountains for a bit, and it was a much-needed little break from work. And pretty much right after I got back, work got completely mental - nothing bad as such, just one thing after the other, loads of deadlines, so many important things. First I was finishing up data for a paper (first authorship was being debated which is partially why I threw myself into the job so much, but it looks like it’ll be the PhD student before me’s now, which is how it should be tbh, it’s much more hers than it is mine), then the date for my first committee meeting was set and I suddenly had only two weeks to prepare (did not think it was going to be that short notice, whoops, had a very stressful two weeks but all went well - for us, this meeting means presenting our research plan and preliminary data to a committee of four professors so they can give you input, it’s not suuuper formal but still pretty stressful), then I had to write the report for that (I love writing so that one was okay), then there was suddenly a lot to do for a really important cooperation with a company (big money responsibility which stressed me the fuck out), and then, just as I thought I was pretty much done for the year, I realised I needed my lab book up to date for my end of year meeting with my PI (which wouldn’t be such a big deal, except I didn’t have a lab book at the time. Never got around to starting one. So nine months of lab book were written within another very stressful week). Whew. Even writing this out makes me feel like that was a lot haha. 

• After the end of year discussion, I really was done for the year - I officially worked until the 23rd but there was not that much actual work happening, and with the pressure off after months, I properly crashed for a few days. Ben left for England on the weekend after to see his family for christmas etc, and I spent most of that weekend sleeping and doing very little. It was needed. Then my mum came to visit me for the holidays and we had four really lovely days together, also involving a lot of chilling (the only actual thing we did was that magical winter hike that I posted some pictures of the other day). 

• And now I’m skiing! I was planning to go to England as well for NYE to see Ben’s family, but with the corona situation escalating again lately I decided it was too risky for just a few days. So I made a last-minute plan to go skiing by myself instead, because all that involves is a 2 hour train journey. I’m actually staying in a hotel too, which I’ve never done by myself before, I’m usually a dorm in a hostel type of person, but well. Covid has changed a lot of things :D trying to stay safe and away from people, which is of course not entirely possible in a ski resort, but it’s going okay. The skiing itself is great, it’s really nice having some time to go at my own pace and a few days in a row. Today was day 4 and I’ve really found my groove again (more on that later). There’s not much snow though so not many off-pisteing opportunities :/ I’m staying until Monday and then it’s back to work on Wednesday. 

• Speaking of skiing, we’ve got season passes this year, my first season and Ben’s second. We’ve just been doing on the weekends so far - since the 21st of November I just realised while looking back in my calendar! That’s one hell of an early season start haha. We did just one day three weekends and then one full weekend right before Ben left. The first few days were bloody hard. For context, I learned to ski before I learned to walk and loved it as a child, then stopped for a few years because I felt like I wasn’t progressing anymore and was getting bored with it, basically. Then last January I went to France with Ben and his skiing friends and got introduced to freeriding and the idea of ski touring, and now I’m back to loving it haha. I’d ideally like to not have to resort ski anymore at one point (meaning touring) because I know it’s terrible from an environmental standpoint but... idk. It’s currently my only option, and I love it a lot, so I guess it feels okay? Anyway, since I learned to ski so early, it’s the one sport that I’ve always been pretty good at and like, never get scared, at least not on piste. Until this year. The first three individual days were just all kind of horrible, the conditions weren’t ideal with very hard surface and tons of ice and pretty busy slopes, and only steep terrain open as well (Engelberg, our “home” resort - we have a season pass that encompasses a bunch of resorts so we’re not limited to one - is literally dead flat beginner’s slopes, which weren’t open in the beginning, or red runs that should be black and black lol). Pairing loads of ice with my old skis which barely have an edge anymore was... not ideal. I was so scared constantly and it made me like I lost all my ability etc etc. But yeah, turns out I just needed a few days and some easier conditions to get back into it, and now ice and steep stuff and everything is fine again. Who would’ve thought. (a sensible person, probably). 

• But then, the full weekend we skied in December was awesome! Saturday already felt much better and then it snowed a bunch over night and Sunday we spent all day powder skiing, basically. I learned SO much and just had an absolute ball! Definitely one of the best days skiing I’ve had, and one of the best days recently in general. 

• Plus that whole weekend was just lovely, car camping in a campsite full of huge campervans was pretty fun :D I love the looks we get when people see the car and clearly wonder where we sleep. And we’ve got our setup perfected for winter now so both the nights were toasty. Friday night we had dinner in “bed” watching a movie, and Saturday night we sat in the little kitchen (the campsite has it open for everyone, but everyone else there has a camper, so it doesn’t seem to be used much) drinking tea and playing cards and ahh. Camping in the mountains. My ideal life eh? (though the weekend before this wonderful one, we got snowed in because it dumped over a metre over night completely unexpectedly and that was stressful as hell, but I think that’s a story for another day, if ever, I’m kind of trying to forget that day :’D) 

• Yesterday I also finally took the plunge and ordered new skis. Been debating for ages which ones to get but I’ve finally decided and I’m now very excited! 

• Ok this post so far reads as “work and skiing” which is pretty much what November and December were and probably what January is going to be too haha. Ben and I want to ski another week together end of January as well, and there’s some big exciting work things coming up as well. 

• Even though I have to admit, now that I’m on a break, I’ve spent a lot of time dreading work and questioning my career choices and all of that lark... sigh. I love my job most of the time, but I kind of hate having a job? If that makes sense? Sometimes (okay a lot of the time) I just wish I had more time for other things that I care about. But I also now I’m lucky to have that job, especially this year, and lucky to have a job I don’t hate, and get to do a lot of fun stuff on the side, even if it often means little sleep and downtime. 

• Speaking of things I care about, I was on a proper roll with writing for a few days before and after Christmas. It’s ebbed off again a bit, but it was still pretty cool, and my totally-useless-all-cheese-project is now 33,000+ words long and like, half-way there story wise. Had a lot of fun with that. 

• Lastly, Ben is still in England, and he’s coming back next Sunday, and I can’t wait! I miss him so much when we’re not together it’s actually silly. Although it’s less stressful this time than the last few times because... we live together, his work just offered him an unlimited contract from January, and I’m stuck here for another 2-3 years, so it looks like we’ll actually get to be in the same place for now. Which is all I wished for last year, and I’m so damn grateful - that stability really is the best thing 2020 has brought for me. And, as he said, even though we were apart for the start of the new year, it will hopefully bring more time together than any previous year ♡

• Okay I think this is long enough now, if you actually made it until here you’re a hero and I will try and post a bit more regularly again now to avoid this size of mind dump :’D I hope you all got into the new year alright, it feels very strange to me that it’s 2021 because I actually slept through midnight on new year’s for the first time since I was tiny haha but I’m sure a lot of people feel the same way! 

[purplesurveys]

1167

surveys by emptyliketheocean

Brand of cigarettes you smoke? I don’t smoke cigarettes, or at least I never buy my own packs.

Should you be trusted with a person's life? Idk, that’s for them to decide.

How's your life in general? I lost two relatives from Covid this week alone. So, not very dandy. Still in shock. Waiting for it to all finally crash down so I can grieve and mourn properly. Scared of more losses and hoping there aren’t any more to come.

Have you ever put lipstick on anything besides lips? I don’t wear makeup, but when my friends have put some on me in the past there were a couple of times they dabbed lipsticks on my cheeks.

Have you ever picked a fight you knew you would lose? Metaphorically speaking, yeah. I don’t get into physical fights.

What's something you think is crazy about the world? The concept of centibillionaires and the fact that there are multiple ones who exist.

What do you think about religion? I think the only upside to it is how it has helped save lives for some and how it serves as a guide for others to spread good in the world. Like if your religion has given you purpose and strength, that’s great. But ultimately, I’m not a fan and I most definitely don’t think religion is necessary to be a kind person. In fact, I think it works the opposite...most of the homophobes, misogynists, pro-lifers, and sexists I know are from the Christian faith. Cringe.

What about when religion causes violence? Well I definitely have a bone to pick with this lol. The only reason the Philippines is predominantly Catholic today is precisely that when the Spanish arrived, they used violence to forcingly convert Filipinos - who were then living in peace with their own culture, government, and religion system - to Christianity. And now we’re ‘celebrating’ 500 years of Christianity in the country this year, which was always so off to me because why are we celebrating colonization lol????????????? But anyway, yeah, that is another issue I have with religion. I want nothing to do with it.

What color is one of your hats? I have an off-white summer hat but I have literally never used it in public because it’s huge and it’s 100% going to draw attention.

How do you feel? My shoulders are sore and I’m feeling slightly irritated because of them. I’m also starting to get a bit hungry.

Have you ever gotten in trouble for laughing? A few times.

Something that makes you smile: Free food.

What do you think about surveys with lyrics as the title? Surveys with random lyrics usually end up being the ones with interesting questions, so I actually am more likely to check it out.

Do you have any clothes with small holes in them? Maybe one or two.

Do you think the way you live is really okay? I think I am already quite fortunate with what I have considering what others don’t, so it’s definitely been a while since I have complained about anything during this whole Covid situation, living-situation-wise. Even though we’ve lost a few things, like having to sell one of our cars and with my mom being retrenched, we still get by and have a roof over our heads with working water and electricity and a stocked pantry; and I make enough money to hand a portion of it to my parents twice a month and still treat myself with things I want. There is nothing to bitch about.

Do you know anyone other than a cop who has ever owned a cop car? No.

Have you ever felt fire? No, but electricity, yes. I’ve been shocked before but that was also my own fault lol.

Have you ever seen a person light themselves on fire? Jesus no.

Have you ever used crutches when you didn't need them? Yes. I used to horse around with Katreen’s crutches when she injured her legs in 3rd grade, when she wasn’t using them.

If you had 15 beers you would be: Dead.

Are you as bored as I am? No, I’m good.

Why are you taking this survey? I feel like it.

What would you say if a person asked you why your face was so messed up? “How do you want me to react?” Easiest way to shut a person up and passive aggressively tell them to watch what they say.

What would you do if your first love asked you back out? Be very confused and ask why the sudden decision.

What's your home life like? It’s very routine, due to having to stay at home. I work a 9–6 on weekdays, follow that up with dinner, and use a few hours to scroll through social media until it’s time to sleep. Then on weekends I use the free time to recharge by taking surveys and watch videos of whoever and whatever I’m interested in at the moment. Just waiting for all of this to blow over so I can finally do the things I’m meant to be doing.

Do you have a talent that you don't do anything with? I don’t write a lot for myself these days. I do write frequently for work, which is great - press releases, event scripts, all your PR essentials - but I don’t get stimulated enough since everything is written in the same tone. I really should pick up a notebook and pen soon...

Do you know anyone that is a lesbian? Yes. Not that she’s in my life anymore.

What do you think about your mom? I think she tries her best. But I wish she were more emotionally in touch. And that she starts being politically correct.

What do you think about your dad? He’s worked hard and continues to, and I appreciate all his efforts; and I can’t wait to be able to buy him all the things he wants.

Which parent do you respect the most? Who do you think? Hahahaha.

Is there anything someone could lie to you about that you couldn't forgive? I suppose, like cheating.

--

Who do you love unconditionally? My two best friends.

Pick an element. Oooookay? Zirconium.

Have you ever wasted a great amount of time and felt horrible about it? It always feels that way on weekends these days because there’s only so much that can be done while stuck at home because of Covid. But I do try to justify it by telling myself I already work too hard during weekdays so it’s ok to bum around at home and do nothing, because using the time to recharge is still productive. 

What is something that's been said about you that isn't true? My mom has said a lot of hurtful things directed towards me that I internalized for a very long time, but I’ve since gained the strength to no longer let those words get to me.

Who do you want with you when you're scared? Anyone who can be calm while I’m not.

Know any bands that not many people have heard of? Many of the punk bands I listen to are virtually unknown on this side of the planet.

Do you have any advice for people in general? Don’t be racist.

What's something you like to do in the summer? Complain about the heat.

What's something you like to do in the winter? We don’t get winter here, but I’ve always thought I would love snow if I ever saw it, and that I would probably make a lot of snow angels and play snowball fights.

What do you think about marijuana? I don’t have a strong opinion on it as it’s still a very taboo topic where I’m from and I’ve also been lacking on research. I do know people who use it for recreational purposes and I’ve never been against that.

Do you wish anyone death? Just politicians.

Have you ever felt like you weren't getting anywhere with a person? Yes, it felt that way for a long time. I just was too afraid of confrontation to do anything about it.

What do you feel for the person you first fell in love with? Resentment and a whole lot of nothing.

Where are you? I’m in my bedroom.

Are you waiting for something? Hmm, not necessarily.

Who is someone you just think has a hole in their brain? People who still think Covid is a hoax.

A candy you like? Gummy anything.

Does any part of your body hurt at the moment? My shoulders and neck, hence the neck pillow I’ve since put on while taking this.

Explain how you got the last bruise you had. I honestly have no clue. I currently have a big black circle on my right thigh that just suddenly showed up, and I can’t recall a time I must’ve hit it somewhere.

Are you tired? A little bit because I got up as soon as I woke up, but I wanted to maximize my free time this Sunday before another work week starts. Last Friday would be our last non-working holiday in a while and we’re not getting another one until August. :(

Explain how you got a scar you have. A distant cousin hurled a glass jar towards me when I was 3, during a family reunion. He initially went for my eye because I guess he wanted to blind me, but he missed and ended up hitting my eyebrow instead. My mom has since banned him from talking to me ever since, and I don’t think I’ve ever even seen him since the incident.

Have you ever owned anything illegal? Illegal copies of movies I’ve torrented, sure.

What do you dream about? The most random scenarios. I’ll get the occasional nightmare, but those only happen when I’m going through a period of depression.

Do you ever daydream? Not anymore these days.

How do you feel about vegetarians? I don’t really think anything of them. There are days I’ll particularly feel for them because there aren’t a lot of restaurants with good vegetarian options where I live, though.

A fruit you like: Avocado, in very limited options.

Have you ever seen a person eat a bug? Only bugs that were already prepared a certain way and meant to be eaten; but I’ve never seen a person that just picked up a bug off the ground and went straight to chewing. I imagine I would freak out and gag.

Something you worry about too much: How much is in my bank account.

How do you feel about smoking? I hate how the smell clings to your clothes and all your things when you’ve been smoking or when you’ve been around people who smoke. I also wince when people pose with their cigarettes just to look badass and cool; but as someone who’s since picked up vaping as a habit, my once-intense hatred for smoking and smokers has since changed lol.

If you had to move out of state, where would you go? I would move to a big city. Somewhere noisier and with a lot of lights and foot traffic and general activity.

What is your favorite vampire-related movie? The Twilight Saga hahahahahaha

Is there a person you keep coming back to? My best friends, I guess?

If you're listening to music...Give me a lyric from the song you're listening to. I’m not listening to anything.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

okay so in one of your quarantine drabbles you write about peter having a sensory overload i think and nat asks "how long?" and then she finds out it isnt long for peter and basically im saying id love to see the aftermath of peter's long episodes- maybe he like walks into a movie night where the other avengers are hanging and didnt tell him to try and let him sleep or something? idk it may be stupid i just thought it might be cute

Thanks for the prompt, babe! It’s been a while since I looked at that one ^-^ I hope you like it!

Read on Ao3

Pairings: Momma and Baby Spider. We love us some platonic Avengers. 

Warnings: aftermath of sensory overload episode, other than that, hella fluffy

Word Count: 1869

Pretty much every time FRIDAY pops up a panel in her room, Natasha doesn’t pay a lot of attention because typically it’s something she knows already.

Not this time.

The window pops up as Natasha comes out of the bathroom, twisting her hair into a braid. It shows Peter sitting quietly by himself on the couch in the common room.

“FRIDAY, is Natasha in her room?”

“Yes.”

She expects Peter to get up and start walking towards the elevator but instead, he stays on the couch, twisting his hands together.

“…do you think she’d be okay with me going over?”

“Yes.”

He still doesn’t get up. Oh, Peter.

Natasha sighs and tosses the comb back onto the sink. Once arriving at the Complex, she’d had a feeling that this might happen. Considering how Peter had vanished into the lab within five minutes of arriving and only now, three hours later, has he emerged, it’s less of a feeling now.

“Do you—“

“Stop stalling, Peter, and go.”

Thank god for FRIDAY, hmm? She’s pretty certain if anyone else had tried to say that to him it wouldn’t’ve worked. The screen closes as Peter gets up with an: “okay, okay, I’m going.”

Natasha sits down on the bed and presses her hands together under her chin. “How bad is it?”

“Bad,” the AI summarizes helpfully.

“Okay,” she breathes, getting up and going to the closet.

She opens the doors and reaches up, looking for the thick comforter. She pulls it down. Perfect. It’s nice and soft and thanks to being up on the top shelf it’s nice and cool. Spreading it over the bed, she straightens up just in time for the soft chime of the door.

Natasha pulls on the fluffy grey cardigan and goes to answer. Peter looks so much smaller standing swamped in his pink sweater than he did on the cameras.

“Ms. Romanoff?” Oh, dear. “Are — are you busy?”

“Come in, Солнышко,” she says instead, stepping aside.

Peter smiles — or at least the corners of his mouth quirk up a little bit — and walks through the door, glancing around the room. There isn’t anything Natasha can see, which means Peter’s not alright.

Obviously, we knew that, and we didn’t need the confirmation.

“Of course,” Natasha said. She closed the door. “What’s going on, Peter?”

'I just, um, wanted to see how you were settling in for the night—“

“Peter.”

Peter freezes. Then he looks over at Natasha, and swallows hard. “…sorry, habit.”

“I know.” Peter hides very well behind civility and the service mask. It’s the hardest one to take off, especially when it works so well.

“…are you settling in okay?” Case in point. Natasha’s about to chide him when she catches sight of Peter’s face. “Please?”

Natasha’s known Peter long enough to know what he’s really asking. “I’m just here relaxing, Peter, you’re not interrupting anything. I just got out of the shower when you arrived.”

“…thanks.”

She reaches out, offering her hand. Peter nods. She takes him lightly by the arm and tugs him toward the bed. “Now, what’s wrong, Солнышко?”

Poor Peter looks like he’s about ten seconds from falling over. He tries to stand up and Natasha’s chest clenches when he wobbles terribly.

“Easy,” she murmurs, catching him by the shoulders and sitting him back down, “talk to me.”

“…it’s…it’s been a really long day,” Peter mumbles, “and I, um…it started at school.”

“I see.” So more than three hours.

“And, um…” Peter hesitates. Then his arms go tightly around his waist. He laughs. For one second. Then it turns into a hitched gasp. It settles like a dead weight in Natasha’s chest.

“Obviously it didn’t go as well as I would’ve liked.”

“…oh, Peter, come here.”

Every single ounce of Natasha’s body is screaming at her to cuddle the poor kid until he can’t cry anymore. She tucks Peter’s head under her chin and works her hand under the iron grip the kid’s got on his own waist to rest on his lower stomach, rubbing softly to ground him.

It starts tensing under her hand and the hitching of his breaths makes Natasha curl her arms around him. Damn, she wishes she were better at this. All she does is clutch Peter closer as he begins to shake, making soothing noises.

“I didn’t know it was gonna be that bad, I wanted—I wanted to get work done today but I couldn’t and I just wanted to—“

“Shh, shh, you don’t have to explain, shh, I’ve got you.”

It takes a while, to neither of their surprises, but eventually, Peter stills and buries his face in Natasha’s neck, nuzzling into the collar of her sweater.

“…thank you for understanding, Nat,” he mumbles.

“Of course,” Natasha replies automatically, running her hand through Peter’s hair. As she feels Peter start to slump, an idea comes to her head. Something to help him fall asleep.

“Hey, listen,” she says softly, giving Peter’s head a little shake, “sometimes when it gets bad for me, I have this ritual of sorts. Can we try it?”

“Um, what is it?”

“Will you lie down on the bed for me?”

It takes a second, which she doesn’t mind at all, for Peter to move out of her arms and crawl to the middle of the bed. He tugs his sweater around him and lays down on his back.

“Here?”

“Perfect.” Natasha smiles and moves closer, swinging a leg to lie over Peter’s calves, still checking that it’s okay. She reaches forward to tug at the edge of Peter’s sweater. “Can I take your sweater off?”

“What are we doing?” Peter blurts out, tugging the sweater closer around himself.

Natasha smiles sadly. Sometimes she forgets that Peter’s still in so many ways just a kid. Even though he’s in so many ways the exact opposite. And right now, he looks every bit the scared kid who just needs a hug.

“I know that you said there’s a bit after one of your attacks, especially a long one,” she murmurs, “where it’s hard for you to remember where your body is.”

“Yeah.”

Natasha leans forward and runs her hand over Peter’s cheek. “In my experience, being close to someone afterward and knowing they care about you, after everything, makes me feel a little more human, a little more like I know I..have a body.”

“Is that why you help Steve with the whole once a week thing?”

“You mean having someone take care of you and make you feel safe and loved which is very important?” Natasha smirks as Peter starts to fumble with his hands and averts his gaze. “Hmm? Is that what you’re asking me?”

“…yes.”

“Yes. Also why I help Steve with it. Apart from the fact that he’s a big blond puppy dog with you, he’s very good at being very pure in his affections and he loves you. So much. We all do.”

And she does have to smile again with Peter giving Steve a run for his money with his puppy dog eyes.

“…what am I supposed to say to that?”

“That you love us too?”

Peter’s face changes to scared almost immediately and he scrambles upwards. “Of course I do, did I — “

“Shh, Солнышко, I’m teasing. Of course, we know.” Peter relaxes and lets Natasha lie him back down. “You don’t have to say anything.”

She can see how hard it is for him to feel like he’s okay to relax if he keeps talking.

“Or talk, if you don’t want to,” she amends.

“Okay.”

The room feels warmer with Peter here, like it’s trying to make itself into a nest. She takes the edge of the comforter and fluffs it, making it look like Peter’s sinking into the blanket. As she works, she starts murmuring softly.

“My ritual is to have someone else just stay with me for a little bit. Just to feel a little more human. So I just want to touch you. That’s it. Physical contact, safe, soft, from someone who loves you. Is that okay?”

She gets a nod, so she takes her hands and gently places them on the sides of his ribcage.

“…I want to touch your skin directly. It’ll help ground you. You can keep your stuff on if it helps. Is that okay?”

Another nod.

“Alright.”

She starts peeling the sweater slowly away from Peter’s body, running her hands over the material, and placing one hand on the little bit of Peter’s waist that she can see under his shirt.

“I think I know where to avoid but if at any time I hurt you or make you uncomfortable you tell me,” she says sternly, “don’t just lie there and take it, alright?” Peter nods. “I’m afraid I’m gonna need a verbal agreement for this one.”

“Yes,” Peter says, “I promise.”

“Good job, Baby Spider.”

“Please don’t touch my wrists.”

“I won’t.” Peter takes the hem of his sweater and balls it up in his fist as Natasha’s hand starts rubbing small circles on his tummy. “You let me know if it gets bad again, okay?”

“I will.”

“Thank you,” she murmurs as she stretches to put Peter’s phone on the nightstand. “Do you want me to talk or stay quiet?”

“…don’t know.”

“Why don’t I start talking,” she says as she resumes rubbing little circles on Peter’s tummy, “and then if you want me to stop, you let me know.”

He nods.

So Natasha starts talking. If she’s being perfectly honest, she can’t really tell what she’s saying, she’s just kind of rambling. She’s much more focused on how her hands run softly over the scars and the marks left on Peter’s skin, and how Peter’s many masks slowly start to slip off, dozing under the warm light.

It’s somewhere in the middle of a story about something Clint did in the middle of their mission to Bucharest — not Budapest — that she notices Peter’s eyes are closed. She smiles softly and lets her voice trail off, only to frown when Peter blinks his eyes open and shifts.

“It’s okay, you can sleep. That’s part of it,” Natasha reassures, giving the upper part of his chest a little pat. Peter shifts back and his eyes close again, a sleepy little murmur quickly muffled by the comforter as Natasha tucks him in. “We love you, Солнышко. Sleep, now.”

“Good night, Natasha,” comes Peter’s little voice from the pile of blanket.

“Good night, Baby Spider. Sleep.”

Natasha continues to rub Peter’s arms softly and murmuring quiet words into the hushed room until Peter’s breathing evens out. She trails off again and this time, Peter doesn’t wake up.

[staliasjeronica]

Riverdale S5 Ep2 Thoughts *Spoilers*

Thoughts under the cut so it’s not long and annoying!!

- Can’t wait for this Archie centric episode ugh it’s so dumb how the show derived from the ARCHIE Comics isn’t about Archie anymore… teen wolf did the same thing with it’s main character and it’s so dumb

- Slughead fadshjfkaslja

- Archie 🥺😭 poor baby

- Bret’s ALREADY dead? Damn.

- Typical Cheryl lol

- Archie can be so good at faking dating Betty but not Veronica :(

- Jughead shut up???

- Veronica caring about Jughead’s feelings I’m so—but she’s acting like they’re the it couple of Riverdale High and iff they break up everyone will be devastated lol literally no one other than Jughead would care. Still, she’s babie and trying to keep the peace even though she shouldn’t have to be the better person like always.

- Ahhh Hiram. And Archie once again being attacked by an adult. NOT HIRAM ACTING LIKE HE DIDN’T HAVE A MISTRESS, AND ALSO BRINGING FRED INTO IT? FRED NEVER CHEATED I????

- So Hermosa can be at Pop’s when Veronica’s working but Jughead, who basically lives there, can’t?

- Veronica being held at gunpoint my baby 😭😭😭 HERMOSA?? I mean it quite literally was self defense but this show always forgets about that.

- Veronica looks so fucking good ughhh Her having shit not attached to Archie’s side is so good for her MUAHHHHHHH

- “Betty’s instincts are good” lolololol Charles stop lying

- Of course they all have to wear red. “Why, you hate monger?” “for killing the weirdo who was going to kill you for some dumbass reason that makes no sense and I don’t remember” yeah am I surprised smh

- It’s weird that no one has known that Hiram never stopped being the bad guy. Like??? LODGE WOMEN CONSPIRING AGAINST HIRAM THAT SHOULD HAVE GONE DOWN IN LIKE S2 OR S3???? YASSSSSSSS FINALLY

- That Charles look……….. mmhm I already saw the spoiler that he’s behind the tapes smh but I’ll save that rant for when we do find out

- I love that this is happening finally with Veronica taking down Hiram and it’s really fun to watch but it’s not that gratifying because it should have happened long ago… but now that she has Hermosa with her, now she can get her mom back onto her side like s1? It just… it’s amazing that it’s finally happening but c’mon this should have been done in s2 or 3

- Still annoyed that Betty took his spot at Yale or whatever and never gave it back lol she really doesn’t care about him. AND he still doesn’t know she cheated, and Veronica’s the only one who’s thinking of his feelings. Mmhm.

- FALICE IS SO CUTE AHHHH Them being their little family could be so much cuter if they forced Bughead to break up <3

- Right Penelope still isn’t in jail for all the shit she’s done sigh

- CHONI SCENE AWW even though it’s for an alibi for Penelope to like kill her entire family. So why now does Penelope care about Cheryl’s feelings

- Donna knows Betty doesn’t care about anyone but herself why would she even TRY. Joan’s mom spilling everything over the phone lol ok???

- Knowing Bughead is going to implode makes Bughead a little bit easier to handle

- Is Hermosa encouraging Veronica to send guys to beat up her dad or something

- They’re charging a child as an adult….? I know that happens irl even though it shouldn’t. I mean obviously he still did wrong but charging him as an ADULT?

- Oh goodie another tape… it’s so gross that Bughead sleep in the same bed together like that

- Jellybean </3

- Ew her name for him in her phone is Daddykins

- VERONICA IN THAT DRESS WOOOOO WHAT A BEAUTIFUL QUEEN!!

- “A dog who needs to be trained.” Veronica standing up to Hiram his always so good even though they always just make her pretend she didn’t. We love and miss badass Veronica muahhhhhhh

- I feel like in the future Hermosa will be the new Hiram and I don’t like that because they always reuse their dumb boring plots

- Cheryl’s outfit could be so good if she didn’t have that hat but somehow she still pulls it off

- The way Penelope comes out of the hidden wall

- it’s so fucking weird that Cheryl doesn’t act like she hates Penelope and that she didn’t do what she did.

- JUGHEAD DOESEN’T HAVE HIS HAT ON OPRAHHHH

- It would have been so good to see Betty uncover that bug but okay. Could have made bh’s boring investigation bs somewhat interesting

- Why couldn’t we have just had a nice family thing. JUST LET FALICE BE HAPPY DAMMIT

- This Charles reveal isn’t surprising at all because we’ve known since he showed up. Maybe if not every new character was bad we could have been surprised by this. 

- If Betty was a “good detective” like the writers try to make everyone believe, Betty would have instead made Charles confess and record it secretly. But Betty and Jughead are awful detectives and try to be the hero when they’re anything but and assume they’ll listen to them.

- HERMIONE!!!!!!!!! QUEEN SHIT!! This should have been done in s2

- YES BUT WHENEVER VERONICA WANTED TO LEAVE YOU COULD HAVE BACKED HER AND LEFT LIKE??? Anyways power move!!! When the Lodge storyline has been the best thing of this ep

- Mary 🥺😭 “Or to Betty and Jughead” girl what?? What does destroying the TV do bro literally nothing. Poor Mary :(

- JUGHEAD ACTUALLY CARING ABOUT BETTY’S FEELINGS?? Not them making BH act like an actual couple NOW when they’re going to implode. But also when will Jughead find out about Barcheating smhhhhhhh

- ADULTS STOP HURTING ARCHIE. HE’S A CHILD. What the fuck is this. Stop encouraging Archie to BEAT you?!?!? That’s so unhealthy. Now they’re hugging…

- I found out about JB because of the Jeronica gc and I know it’s because she doesn’t want Jughead to leave but this show really has to ruin every character to make anything crazy that Betty/Jughead/Bughead do seem incomparable it’s so??? What was the reason… it seems like they just put everyone’s name on a spinner and spun Jellybean and had to somehow tie the tapes to her. This is so fucking dumb, truly. One more ep until we’re free of Bughead’s boring high school investigative bullshit and we can have change and better plots and dynamics. One more until the time jump!

- DRINKS? Jughead you’re not 21 and your dad is a recovering alcoholic.

- But thank GOD Jughead has a scene without Betty. Imagine it automatically being good because bh isn’t forced to have screen time for no reason.

- So is no one else gonna know that it was JB taping their house because the entire core four+ got one.

- I just love that everybody else’s plots were better than BH’s, like always. Though I wish Archie’s arc of wanting help to not be so angry was over a psan of episodes and not just one.

- Veronica was naked…. do VA get another sex scene? Why? They’re broken up…….. plot twist it’s Reggie. We could wish. Nah but we’ve seen V use sex to like.... distract herself, or maybe it’s goodbye sex. Idk but hearing people are slut shaming her once again........ fuck off maybe???