#i cannot write fast tho ugh

[hailsatanacab]

No cetbwa update tomorrow guys, sorry! I'm also probably going to move the update schedule around a bit—I'm thinking maybe the first Friday of every month?—because we're catching up to my backlog and I'm not happy about it haha

So next chapter will be up on the 7th of Oct, see you then!!! 😊

[moneymartin]

teen gf Shauna headcanons pleaseee

🐶 - losergf!shauna hcs

warnings: mostly fluff but a lil smut under the divider :p

a/n: i know u didn’t ask for loser but shauna shipman is soooo loser girlfriend u cannot tell me otherwise. kinda messy and trash… i’m so sleepy rn i’m writing this half awake nd lowk a lil drunk UGH

taglist: @deerlottie @ultrone

my brown eyed beautiful baby where do i even start.

def the most athletic yj i will stand by this till the day i die

MUSCLE MAMAAAA

rolls up the sleeves of her flannels so you can see her muscles pop 😮‍💨

not a gym freak though but she works her arms 100%

cuddlebug fosho

little spoon and you can argue with me about that all you want this girl loves to be held

when she big spoons though she’s burying your face into her chest all the time

she plays with your hair tho no doubt abt it

even when you’re cuddling her instead

super soft kisses all over you while you doze off

sleeps after you do just to make sure cause sometimes you end up sleeping a lil too hard and she needs to make sure you aren’t dead

well thats what she thinks.

wakes up early even though she sleeps the latest out of the both of you

when you sleep for way too long she ends up full on wrestling you until you wake up

music geek

she def loves the smashing pumpkins, radiohead, the cranberries, the cure, mazzy star, jeff buckley, pavement, the cardigans. artists and bands of that genre

had a walkman like nat’s that you guys share on walks together

also has a vinyl player that she keeps at hers so you could listen to music with her when you come over

writes about you in her journal while she listens to the music

also writes these cute little love letters for you and she’ll write what songs she listened to while writing

sleepovers all the time though she’s one of those girls

drives you all over the place too

no matter how far so that you know she truly loves you

she goes absolutely nuts when you’re wearing her clothes i fink

esp her flannels

the moment you’re seen wearing one she can only think about taking it off of you cause it looks so good 😞

loves when you wear her jersey too

or her letterman jacket

funny sock gal

wears the one w monster faces on em or something like that

south park socks… hmo

SMARTY PANTS

got accepted into brown for a reason

she’s always helping you with assignments in case they’re too hard

she runs through them so fast though it actually baffles you to how she can do it

book geek too

has probably read harry potter a million times

edgar allan poe is her main dude she def likes poems and stuff from him

genuinely has a momma instinct

before you even get sick she tells you to be careful with the cold

and you don’t listen.

so you do end up getting sick and she has to take care of you until you’re all better

babies you but is also teasing you cause you didn’t listen to her warnings about it 😭 she could tell beforehand that you were gonna get sick

unlike lottie i think shauna has the ability to cook and stuff like that

not a 5 star chef but she’s good enough for you

being touchy in her public is her thangggg

you guys are always touching somehow

pinky holding, interlocked arms, holding hands, her just grabbing your wrist. she’s always gotta hold you no matter whaaaat

not very possessive but definitely a jealous person

makes it known she’s jealous w her attitude

has those anger issues we all know it

is not afraid to make a scene in front of a bunch of people she will cuss someone out for even looking at you

but she’s just jealous cause she’s really insecure :( poor girl my god

she thinks that the people you talk to are better than she’ll ever be

you have to reassure her countless of times so she can feel better about herself cause she’s always questioning you abt it

she loves little make out seshes behind the bleachers

its def the thrill of being caught like she loves that so much 🥸

when she kisses you she isn’t rough i think she’s very gentle actually

caressing your jaw and cheeks so you know she’s there and its not just some dream 😭

loves sitting on your lap while kissing cause it makes her feel like she’s the one in charge

also cause your hands are always in the spots where she wants them without her having to ask

biting…

teeth marks EVERYWHERE!!!

dom fosho but that’s not relevant rn

during arguments this girl is ruthless

not because she wants to hurt you but it’s because she’s always bubbling up

bottles up everything cause she’s afraid people won’t listen to her

but she’ll apologize eventually after if it looks like whatever she said got to you

won’t mean anything she tells you she just gets so mad at everything cause she can’t express herself as well :(

she regrets it so fast too like she’s immediately saying sorry afterwards

def a lace girly

loves showing off her new sets for you…

red black and white are the favs

OUUHHH

whiny as fuck but also holds her noises in cause she thinks they’re embarrassing

PANTER AND GROANER FOR SUREEEE

switch i think

like if she really wanted to she could top you but she’d rather be a power bottom

have you ride her strap or whatever…

its blue.

loves when you eat her out though cause she gets to pull on your hair

makes you talk her through it and when you’re topping but when she tops shes SO bold

she loves when you praise her thats the only thing she wants to hear from you during it

makes you kiss around her tits for sure

thats where she always wants you to be

when she’s jealous you’re constantly asking if she’s okay which leads into an argument

meaning that it’ll probably lead into really hot angry sex from her

the car scene really spoke to me

initiates everything too

anyways i’m done i’m so tired

[lilgoblinbitch]

the ones who live - ep. 5 SPOILERS!!!

hehehe it’s that time again for me to spill my emotions about this new episode :)

oh fuck me here we go

WHAT THE FUCK GABRIEL????? HOLY SHIT OMG OMG????? HELLO YOU CANT JUST LEAVE ME LIKE THAT

richonne supply runs always give me life omfg. and their little dinners by the fire… UGH I CANNOT

rick is so sexy jesus christ…

THE WAY HE LET HER GO FIRST THROUGH THE DOOR AAHHHH CHIVALRY IS NOT DEAD WHEN IT COMES TO RICK

OMFGGG HE SNUCK A NECKLACE FOR HER HELP

stop it. THE BAKING SODA SPEARMINT CALLBACK

“I WAS IN LOVE WITH MY SONS BEST FRIEND”. i can’t take this fluff. this is literally fanfiction writing I LOVE IT

the views are absolutely gorgeous omg???

EW WTF ARE THOSE LAST OF US LOOKIN ASS ZOMBIES

yeah you're pulling a gun on the wrong people HAHAHA

my tv parents said “um yeah i don’t think so BITCH”

“i’m peeing” LMAO I WOULD TOO IF I SAW RICK GRIMES

“us against the world” period.

GABRIEL WTF U DOING??? EW JADIS FUCK OFF GOODBYE

oh shit gabriel thinks rick’s dead and jadis is lying like the snake she is.

anne jadis whatever the fuck your name is — WAIT WHAT JADIS STOKES???? YOU NEVER MARRIED GABRIEL GOODBYE BITCH

AWWW RICK WANTING TO MARRY MICHONNE

gabriel is so wholesome i love him.

THIS EPISODE HAS MY HEART BEATING SO FAST LOL

omfg not this cunt again. jadis just die please just give up.

jadis you done failed once again. how does it feel to be a LOSER?

gabriel wtf why you kissing her… rosita did not die for that shit.

WHAT? WHAT??????? DID SHE KILL GABRIEL???

“i will die for the cause” ok good. bye!

no one gives a fuck about the echelon briefing ya dumb cunt (no one = me, btw)

her logic literally makes no sense. killing people to save humanity? that TOTALLY makes sense

NO MICHONNE STOP. NOOOOOOO YOU HAVE TO GO HOME :(

i will kms i swear. i can’t do this.

“you’ve looked better” LMAO

i hate jadis i hate jadis i hate jadis

YES SHE DYING HEHEHHE YAY

ok cool gabriel isn’t dead 👍

“the crm is not the answer and they must end” PERIOD.

AWWW THE RING wait okay i kinda like her now

rick made his promise. he killed her. good job baby <3

AWWW STOP IT MY HEART. “it’s a broken world and you’re the only thing that puts it back together” IM CRYING PLEASE OMFG THEY GOT OFFICIALLY MARRIED YIPPIEEEE

awww poor gabriel :(

well holy goddamn. that was a rollercoaster. so glad richonne is stronger than ever <3

hope everyone enjoyed this episode as much as i did (episode four is still my favorite tho)

[berrypass-de-murdler]

2 - 14 The Thanksgiving Dinner Murder

It's ok Logico, they can't all be puns

These episode titles tho, I legit imagine Logico painstakingly writing the entire book and then once he's done at some point at 3 AM he's just trying to title all of the cases

DON'T READ THE EPISODES WITHOUT READING THE BOOKS!!

It’s early in the morning, and Logico is fast asleep. He’s so tired! There’s an unpleasant knocking at the door. Unsurprisingly, Lady Violet is there. Eeby Gico rolls out of bed.

VIOLET: Rise and shine! It’s THANKSGIVING!! LOGICO: No it’s not!! It’s MAY! VIOLET: Remember? Holiday party? Today, we’re celebrating Thanksgiving!  LOGICO: W- VIOLET: Don’t worry, it’ll be Christmas tomorrow!

Vi leads Gico to a glorious dining hall.

VIOLET: For the Holy Republic, Thanksgiving celebrates the time where we annihilated a clan of peasants that was trying to overthrow us! Look!

The centerpiece decoration is a fake pie with a bunch of little dead human figures stuck in it.

LOGICO: How appetizing.

For no apparent reason, Father Mango and Steel are there.

STEEL: EW!! I thought I’d never have to see your short ass again! LOGICO: OH MY GOD, I hate you. MANGO: I’ve brought the wine! LOGICO: Of course you have.

They all sit down, awaiting their brown food to be served to them. After an hour, nothing happens.

MANGO: I have to go home now. VIOLET: NO WAIT!! I… I’m sure they’ll be out soon! 

She flutters to the kitchen. Can you guess what she sees? She screams. Logico runs over.

LOGICO: I probably could have guessed this happened an hour ago.

The first clue is a fork jammed into one of the human figures on the centerpiece. He tears it out and it’s stained with blood… but it’s nowhere near the dead chef. Are the human figures filled with blood????? Logico is about to vomit. He runs into the pantry instead. Mango is standing in the dark.

LOGICO: What are you doing? MANGO: Trying to figure out which brown food will go best with my gravy. 

He drinks some of it straight out of the pitcher. He gasps loudly!!!

LOGICO: … MANGO: I forgot I put arsenic in there. LOGICO: The fuck?? MANGO: It’s fine. I have God on my side.

He enters the kitchen instead and runs into Steel.

STEEL: Heyyyyy~ MANGO: … STEEL: I’d love a sip of that gravy.  MANGO: Absolutely not. STEEL: Ugh, I meant literally, but, if you wanna put it that way…

Mango kicks her across the room! Good thing too, because Logico cannot take any more of incompatible murdlers flirting with each other.

Irratino, restless, draws sketches of priests drenched in gravy. But his tears only make the paper bleed.

Logico quickly figures out that Steel is the chef killer. Makes sense, considering she’s one of the worst people alive.

STEEL: OH, YOU THINK YOU CAN CANCEL ME?! I CAN NEVER BE CANCELED!!!

She stomps around like the mature adult she is. 

MANGO: Now, I have the urge to kill HER…

Violet slams her hands on the table.

VIOLET: THAT’S IT! PARTY’S OVER! My GOD I can’t work with ANY OF YOUUUU

The end!

I hate steel so much

Look, baby sir rulean! He looks like a banana!

(I don't hate green bean sir rulean. I just hate armored sir rulean so I turned him into a green bean. wait what the fuck am i doing?)

The power of Goat Lord compels you!

See you next time murdlers!

[whatisthismandoinghere]

@rose-of-pollux mentioned that if I had a rant about Walter Hobson I should post it and since I just watched “No Names Please” here it is, enjoy 😂

Side note: obviously this isn’t something that would’ve ever actually happened, the U.S. was real careful about stuff like this (this episode irks my dad so much for said reasons 😂) however I will admit it’s a fun plot to play with, no matter how unrealistic

First off this man is so bloody dramatic about his ankle. “I tHiNk It’S bRoKeN iN aBoUt ThReE pLaCeS” no it’s not, you’re fine. Unfortunately I think you’ll live. Rub some dirt on it and walk it off.

The way he’s so snarky and the tone he has when he says “there’s a war going on you know.” Like really?? I loved how Hogan and Newkirk responded though 😂 but honestly have you not figured out at this point that these people are trying to help you? And that’s how you decide to speak to them?? He treats them like they’re stupid and acts like such a blowhard who knows everything about everything and it only gets worse from here.

The way he acts so shocked that there’s “a limey and a yankee?” Like yes I realize you’re in the middle of Germany but as you so kindly mentioned before there is a war going on and England and America happen to be allies if you haven’t noticed O Mr. Wise One.

When he starts running his mouth about flying and how if they had stayed in formation this never would’ve happened UGH HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE MEN THAT JUST DIED. These brave young souls that were serving their country and all he’s worried about is himself and about how he thinks they should’ve done things differently (cuz his is the only opinion that really matters). Step aside everyone, the expert is here and is so gracious as to tell us how these boys should fly a plane. The satisfaction I felt when Kinch was just like “who’s the expert” and “he sure got smart awful fast” man was so unimpressed and rightfully so.

In the tunnels you can obviously see there’s a lot going on. These guys run a pretty tight ship and they got things to do but you got Hobson out here constantly trying to talk to Hogan when he’s clearly in the middle of something. Absolutely love how Hogan just flat out ignored him until he was done 😂 Hobson is just completely oblivious tho and is totally unaware that the world does not revolve around him

The fact that Hobson even had the audacity to mention writing an article on their whole operation in the first place. THERE IS A WAR GOING ON, HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE PHRASE LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS how stupid is this man?? And when Hogan very plainly explains to him “hey you absolutely cannot do that” he starts to argue with him! He just has no understanding of the consequences of putting this out in the public. These guys have a very good chance of ending up dead if Hobson pulls this stunt and it just blows my mind that he can’t grasp this. How do you think war works pally?? BUT THEN HE GOES AND DOES IT ANYWAY right cuz leaving out the names will make it okay. This man’s complete disregard for anyone but himself is truly amazing. Selfish, arrogant, ignorant, and being a know-it-all is not a good combination of traits to have

And then we just never hear about him for the rest of the episode?? Which is a pretty good chunk?? There had to be consequences for this man, I really wish they would’ve at least brought it up at the end, I need to know if Hobson got what he deserved! I mean surely he did but still the people want answers and vengeance

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

What's your favorite trope to write or to read in a THG fanfic?

For writer, if you can convert one of your fanfics to become original writing, what is it? Why do you pick it?

For reader, if you can make a live-action adaptation of your favorite fanfic, what would it be? Why?

Thank you :)

@curiousnonny

Omg so many to pick from @curiousnonny !!!

I love love love reading:

- there was only one bed (or sleeping bag cough cough) COME ON! It’s freaking canon for my Everlark babies how could I not adore this trope???

- fake dating/marriage of convenience For Reasons (also canon helloooooo)

- omg they were roommates

- friends to lovers

- bonus points for combining any of the above

When it comes to writing tho, I’ve noticed that I have a (bad?) habit of splitting up my ship for different reasons and bringing them back together years later… like it’s in so many of my fics (Pure, Leading Suspects, Maybe Tomorrow, 9000 rpm, Outside Chance, Where the Stars, countless drabbles feature this trope how did this happen???) so I guess I like that one???

Also fun note, my autocorrect tried to change “trope” to “tripe” just now so there’s a laugh or two.

Anyways.

Okay so I have a really hard time with the thought of converting any of my own fanfics into “original” pieces, and this is because I have read originals that started as fanfic that I’ve also read and… I cannot unsee the Everlark in them and it makes me lose interest shamefully fast. I keep buying the books because support your local writers! and then not being able to finish them… ugh I’m horrible I know. Even if I never managed to finish reading the fic before it was taken down to be flipped, I still have this problem. So I just… sort of freeze up whenever I try to flip a fic original? I do have three that I’m still seriously considering flipping anyways, if I could get over myself.

One is called “Caught In the Net of the World.” It was a fantasy piece and I only finished four or five chapters of it before I stopped working on it because I realized I should be writing it from conception as an original. But then I sort of fizzled out on it.

The second is “Spiral & Collision,” which was a sci-fi fantasy piece that I planned as a trilogy but only managed to finish the first installment. Both this one and “Caught” were written for private charity collections and I never posted them publicly, not even after I was allowed to by the collection rules. So neither of them have as wide spread of an audience as my other fics, and given how different the settings are of both, I feel like that’s rich soil for me to work with and alter the characters enough that you don’t smell the THG roots on them when I’m done.

The third one… is my Outside Chance series. This one would be far more tricky and involved to change into an original, partly because of length, partly because of complexity, and partly because the OG Everlark would require a lot more work to flip. The Graham/Savannah and Ryen/Rosie branches would be far easier to turn into an original.

Live action fanfic oh that is tough to pick… mainly because I enjoy creating images in my head, even if it’s fanfic from another writer and I don’t want anyone to tell me I’m wrong about what I see when I read 😂

[spoonieboy]

cw: mental hospital, mistreatment, brief suicide mention

every once in awhile i think about when i was in the grippy sock center. they gave me prozac one of the mornings and by the time we went out to the courtyard, it was already impacting me. I looked up at the 3 story roofline, spotted an access door i hadn't noticed before, and immediately caught myself wondering how to get up there so i could jump. this was a new feeling, tho the nuance is hard to describe. i also had a sudden increase in agitation and couldn't control myself. didn't help that they sent a girl home who explicitly told us she wasn't ready & she'd end it if they sent her back. and they still sent her home. I couldn't contain my anger and went to the bedroom, flipped the mattress against the wall, and beat it until i was a sobbing mess on the bare bed frame.

my 'tantrum' earned me a visit with the head doc to discuss my behavior. I told them I couldn't take it again tomorrow, that i hated how i felt and they told me that that was impossible - that it was all in my head. (to a fucking mental health patient!!!) 💀 So i tried to explain that i metabolize meds faster than most but she cut me off, told me i was lying, and that i couldn't POSSIBLY feel the effects of the meds for at least 2 weeks. i tried to have calm words but had a meltdown instead. i don't remeber what happened afterwards.

next morning, i flat out refused the meds. luckily it was my favorite nurse and when she pushed a lil to try and encourage me to take it, i broke down crying, told her what happened, and she stopped. She took the meds back and seemingly had words with the prescribing doc bc i had a new med to try a short while later in the day.

lo & behold, i have eds! meds process Hella fast for me. its almost like thats a thing! 🤔 surprise, surprise!

i just wanna go back & give that lady a proper bitch slap and a stern talking to, frankly. i cannot fathom how someone so rude & callous was supposed to be in charge of all these broken kids. i, at 14, voluntarily checked myself into a mental hospital because i was ready to end my life. thats not the sort of situation where you talk down to, insult, and berate someone!! you treat them with gentle compassion and kindness! like they fucking need!!!!!

ugh.

the only things i'm grateful for in that time were the two therapy dogs, occupational therapy, art therapy, the math teacher who was so kind, gentle, and understanding - and the fact that they ended up taking 12 vials of blood to discover that my entire ass thyroid had completely dumped itself. i ended up needing levo for 2 years afterwards.

abt that math teacher, i was so defensive bc i was really struggling with math at the time and had never been treated at my own pace before, but this guy was nothing but sweet, patient, and encouraging. he didn't make fun of me for what i didn't know, didn't pressure me to go faster, just celebrated what i did manage to accomplish and gently helped me through the items i was struggling with. when i couldn't bring myself to do the math, he let me tidy up & organize his classroom, which was relaxing for me. that guy was a Prime example of the type of person who should be working there. math, in that short time, became somewhere i wanted to linger rather than run from because i felt safe there. thank you, mr. math teach. i wish i remembered your name. i appreciate you more than you know.

anyways, if you've read this far, why? honestly? lol. but idk, thank you for letting me share. writing this down helped me let go of some of those angry feelings i've been holding onto about it.

if you need to go to a mental hospital in VA, try to avoid the richmond one 💀 thats all i'll say.

[aerick-cosmic-cauldron]

Worked one day as a Waiter/ Washing dishes/ moving shit around

It left me dead, im so physically weak... Like girl... I need to eat more omg.

Anyways imma start writing some mistakes i made and what to do to prevent them of happening again

1. As a waiter i almost burn a old granny. I was supposed to serve her hot water for her tea. i saw that the fucking tea pot was not closed correctly and instead of fixing it and just close it correctly i said to myself "bitch if they see me closing the shit rn they gonna be like: you should've closed it before you get near the people. and they gonna scream at me about it" So ikept going nervously and conflicted and served tea to the granny, but ofc the hot water started spilling, and almost burned the poor old woman.

Basically i just got lost in my head instead of focusing on making shit the right way, i just focused on how to not look incompetent, and someone almost got hurt by this shit. I instantly thought of how i did not play my part in trying to save my mom properly because i got lost in my head... I need to stop doing that. I need to ask help to other people if im emotionally unstable, i need to think and ask about others people's need before i do shit or don't do shit that may directly affects them somehow.

2. As i was moving heavy shit, someone asked me a favor and instead of saying "sorry I can't help I'm too busy" i said "sure lemme try" and then fucking forgot about it and let them hanging.

Bitch just fucking say no. If you say yes at least say something like "sorry i tried, but I'm afraid i cannot help" instead of vanishing and let them be waiting... Ugh so uneducated.

3. As a waiter, i went away from people too hardhly, i should have "it's great to hear, hope you enjoy it, excuse me" or some hsit like that

4. As i was washing the dishes, i waited too much time in pretending to not be scared and tired. And tried to push myself to the limit. I ended up acting extremely clumsy and very inefficient.

Bitch be more conscious of your needs, ask to go the bathroom if you're too nervous. Ask for food if you are hungry or demand a minute to go buy some. Stop pretending and posing bitch just ask on how to do shit and ask to receive instructions in small steps. Express your fear and anxiety to your coworkers so they know you are not just a dumb lazy bitch.

Now immma finish with positive shit

I got ahead of my coworkers and tested the chairs to see if they were opened properly, i was the only one who did it. I also got ahead off them when i went to pick a broom and was the only one who cleaned the floor after we moved heacy shit.

I saw tho very hot guys lifting heavy stuff, and they had deep voices and they had strong legs and i want one for me so bad omg. Anyways they were hot. I also ate a really nice sopu made by a hot guy, and i did thank him properly and in a cute/fag way.

I also made my coworkers laugh a lot by my absurd/grandiose sense of humor and silly jokes.

As waiter I redeemed myself of the clumsiness after eating and attending to my needs properly, one of my coworkers said "damn as soon as it got dark, you got fast" i said "oh yeah, when it gets dark i transform" i was thinking of sailor moon but these bitches laughed and talked about werewolfs and vampires and shit and i was like oh thats not- but well yess. And started feel confident and really impressed my coworkers with how fast i worked and how much i changed after lunch.

So yeah not everything was horrible, and mentally i was quite proud of myself for trying new shit. But also being scared and doing physical work left me exhausted vitch i slept for a while day to recover. Like i could not work in that shit every day. And pray for ppl who has no choice but to do so.

Today i cried about my mom, went to buy random shit to learn math and to decorate my room. And wrote this as the sun set...not the worst week I've had. And the hot guys really were a nice sight.

[arsenicbruise]

Books I read in august my rating and opinion!!!!

The secret history - Donna tartt 5/5

Wow this book is one of my favorites I cannot believe how amazing the writing the quotes and everything was it took me kinda long to finish ( 6 days lol)

I’m still heartbroken and thinking about the characters

Go ask Alice - anonymous 3/5

Well this is a book that is basically a diary entry about a girl who’s a drug addict . It was short though, boring at times nothing interesting at all but it’s a great representation for teens who go through addictions.

The stranger -Albert Camus 4/5

Well this book I got to admit it’s lowkey boring , doesn’t erase the fact that I enjoyed it a lot .

It’s a philosophical Novel about a man who got himself involved with a murder after the death of his mother . The ending got me thinking a lot of things

The virgin suicides -Jeffrey eugenides 4/5

This book was so good I loved it , made me sad tho the male gaze<<<

Violet bent over the backwards grass -Lana Del Rey 5/5 i loved this book despite the fact that it was short . I loved the poems here , though i do think she has better lyrics /lines. Most of the poems inspired some of mine . I loved salamander never to heaven and my bedroom is a sacred place .

Sputnik sweetheart-murakami . 2/5

Actually idk why I didn’t liked the book the plot just felt bland and boring I’m a big fan of murakamis books though not of this one .

After dark -murakami 4/5

I actually loved this book , fast paced and it was told about one night and two sisters so interesting and had a great ending

My year of rest and relaxation- otessa moshfegh 4/5

I loved this book , it’s not for everyone it was so interesting ( imo it was better than the bell jar considering the bell jar has racist remarks ) the main character was a bad person , still found myself relating to her life and her depression etc.the character development tho and the end ugh it got me sad kinda .

Defy me - tahere mafi 5/5 ( the fifth book of the shatter me series ) ugh I cannot describe how much I loved this book Warner and Juliette had me sobbing at 3 am I literally cried sm I cannot get over this I’m gonna cry even more when I read the last book this is not ok , all of their backstories :///

The lonely city -Olivia Laing between 3 and 4 stars

So this book is a collection of essays about loneliness ( if ur a depressed bitch I’m sure you’re going to enjoy this ) it didn’t only talked about loneliness but loneliness throughout art and artists like Andy Warhol , Edward Hopper, and Henry darger. I enjoyed it but it got boring at parts though.

I CANNOT PUT ANOTHER PICTURE BUT

The seven husbands of Evelyn Hugo 5/5

god i finished this book today I’m heartbroken the ending and the plot twist was insane this book was beautifully written PLEASE GO READ IT RN!!!!!!!

[dojae-huh]

As for the song itself, I was underwhelmed too. The beat is nice but it’s not distinct enough for me like most of their songs. Most of their title tracks have sounds that I rarely heard before. From firetruck to sticker, most of them has really weird sounding sounds that suck you right into the songs. I recall their songs through their beats as opposed to the melody. That’s also why I think most people can vocalise their beats. They are distinct. I think for me this might be the least 127 sounding title track for me.

The beats is one thing but the rap is also not memorable which is almost never the case with Mark and Taeyong’s rap. I personally only like Jaehyun’s rap. Doyoung line in first verse is really good on its own but it doesn’t flow smoothly from Jungwoo. Honestly, the whole song is like that for me. It’s not connected smoothly. I’ve been listening to this song for more than twenty times already. It’s not getting into my head. I just can’t grasp the construction of this song. This is coming from a person who really like the controversial sticker and chain, so I really think it this is really is just about my personal preference. I conclude it’s just not for me. I’m glad tho that most of the feedbacks online is positive. Still hyped for the rest of the album too.

(Okay i listen to the song again after writing all above . Letting go of all the negative things, just enjoying the song without scrutinising. Honestly, it’s not that as bad as I’ve written above. Ugh why am i like this🥲. I am so set of wanting this comeback to be the next sticker. It clouded my judgement. Lesson learnt. Just let go of expectations, enjoy it and now i’m actually bobbing to it. The same goes to my mv opinion before. I honestly felt like I open the door and let the song in when I let go of my expectations. My brain catch the song pretty fast. Interesting. It was just now I cannot accept the song but once I opened up it instantly clicked? Is there better way to explain this? Being too scrutinising really takes the fun out of everything but i think it’s only a normal reaction when you put expectations on things.) I feel like I’m spamming your ask today sorry T T

2 Baddies is a ear-worm, there are several parts that start to rotate in the mind with ease. The way Haechan and Doyoung sang their first lines is the "distinct" you are looking for.

I do suspect the song was made out of two. It's hard to imagine that the chorus/rap parts and the vocal-line retro parts were thought of by the same person, they are too distinct in colour. I find the song a tad too slow in the beginning, but it has a nice vortex effect in the end, as a viewer/listener you are being pulled in by the speeding up tempo and the synchronised choreo.

I like Mark's rap, he is experienced enough to make it interesting. Agree about Woo-Do transition. It's a very patchy moment. Do's retro moment should have been longer or repeated again. Because the effect from it dissipiates quickly. Again, agree that the song is not connected very well overall. The task was probably very difficult to begin with. I really like the end of the song though, it has a very good build up with nice adlibs and Jaehyun's finishing line (the way he pronounces it) is good.

I think it's a song to tune in and out, that's why it's better as a performance, when the boys and the moves distract you. If you look at it as a whole, pay close attention, the architecture isn't solid, a rough voice transition here, a not smooth switch of tempos there, however it does make you fall for the rhythm and bop your head.

One musician with perfect hearing said he can't listen to orchestras, can't enjoy them, he is distracted with the players making minor mistakes. Once you stopped looking at the song with a magnifying glass, you was able to fall for the primitive urge to follow "the rhythm of drums", to follow the crowd.

"2 baddies, 2 baddies, 1 porsche" is a super stupid phrase with no wit in it, but it's a chant, and Taeyong says to follow him, so you do, heh.

As for the comeback, it's the first one after 2,5 years with live fans on music shows, face to face fanmeets, comeback shows with live singing. So you are lucky. It looks like the comeback would be of small scale promotion wise (depends on what 127 will do in US), but neos themselves are hyped. Tired, but happy. Except maybe for Doyoung who has a burn out and Haechan who is evidently tired from the double shift (he isn't as physically strong as Mark), all others are at the best place mentally and emotionally as they don't need to prove anything anymore, the scandals are in the past, plus the fandom is finally active and united.

[bangtanlalaland]

a dose of relief | ksj (m.)

synopsis ⇣ the CDC’s hottest scientist so happens to be your lab partner. how much longer will it take until he has you begging for him?

— health scientist!au

⇢pairing: CDC health scientist!kim seokjin x female reader

⇢genre: crack, pwp, smut

⇢word count: 5.7k

⇢contents ⨯ warnings: so sorry for this filthy porn with no plot, I’m also horrible @ science (even though it’s one of my fave subjects in school) so plz forgive me if I said something wrong or certain facts are incorrect, I tried to not use so many details/specifics on the science ooey gooey stuff in case that could trigger anything amongst readers, srsly tho somebody call the fanfic writing police, omg, there’s so much tension lolol, Jin is a dom in this OMFG, masturbation, mentions of an outbreak (oops sorry), lab sex (yes, I really went there plz don’t judge me [I know I’m a dirty hoe]), semi-public sex? (not really, but almost) use of sex toys, hair pulling, spitting, face/ass/pussy slapping & licking (oop), unprotected sex (lolol the irony; STAY SAFE!), orgasms (duh), creampie, degradation, so much name calling (holy fuck), JIN HAS A BIG DICK OK (BECAUSE WE LOVE BIG DICKS RIGHT?!)

a/n: honestly I find it so hard to write for Jin & IDK WHYYY. so I couldn’t pass up this opportunity to let the light shine on him for this one. besides, Jin would make the PERFECT hOTTesT SCIENTIST. because WHY NOT?!?! oh & let this fic just be a reminder for those of you out there (you know who I’m talking about): WEAR A GODDAMN MASK.

Seokjin Kim.

The name of the most handsome man in the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and yet you cannot spend a minute around him without perspiring. Because, well, you’re convinced he just has that affect on everyone. When in reality, it’s really only you. You sweat bullets being around him.

And he knows this. Which is why he’s near you again, looking just as sexy as he did the day before, attired in his white, lab coat — his blonde tresses clouding your vision as he wanders through the lab. You internally curse the universe for having made you both cross paths. You’d often speculate why he’s working here as a scientist. Shouldn’t he be somewhere on the front cover of like GQ Magazine or something? But no, for whatever reason, in this fucked up world we live in, he’s currently in the lab with you, performing test results, by using various liquid solutions.

“Ah, I can’t wait to finally clock out tonight.” Seokjin states while flicking a test tube that remains between his glove-covered fingers, gently placing the blood sample along with other tubes in the tray to be put away in the cooler.

“Hot date I’m assuming?” You question with a secret hint of jealousy oozing from your words — observing a sample through the microscope, turning the knobs to adjust the coarse and fine focus.

Jin beams at your assumption, shaking his head, “Ah. Nice one. But no.”

Your gaze flies up to his towering figure, raising your eyebrows, “So what is it?” You try not to get too lost into staring at his plump, pink lips. He almost catches you eyeing him and you instantly look away, darting your vision back into the microscope.

“I have the whole weekend off,” He coos with a giddy expression, and you internally scoff. That fucker.

You shake your head, “Sounds great!” No, it doesn’t sound great. Because he’s probably happy that he gets to be off so he can be with someone- Wait, no. He’s clearly not going on a date. Duh, he just told you that. Okay, now you’re really just fishing for something, but you’re also jealous of him that he’s off the entire weekend. These past few months have been hell, courtesy of a recent outbreak — every official, scientist, representative and whomever in the CDC is currently working day and night, non-stop to formulate a vaccine. Therefore you shuck away your feels, because you know Jin has more seniority than you within the company. You’d only just been transferred to his department right before the outbreak had occurred.

“Some well needed rest, huh?” You question, an attempt to keep the conversation going while also being the nosey old woman you are deep down inside. “You need it,” You unconsciously continue, somewhat too occupied in ensuring the proper amount of the sodium hypochlorite solution drops are added, squeezing the pipette carefully.

Jin nods his head in agreement, “Oh yeah,” he sighs, “Could definitely use what I call the Four S’s.” Your eyebrows furrow, more-so at concentrating on your accuracy.

But you hear him, and once the final drop of solution has been added, you pull away from the microscope, discarding the pipette in the proper disposal bin. “Four S’s?” You ask, with a tilt of your head.

“Mmhmm,” Jin seats himself on the stool in front of you, placing his hand under his chin. “Soup, soju, sex, and sleep.”

You nearly topple over when trying to seat yourself, and he doesn’t miss your clumsiness either. He thought it was cute how flustered you suddenly became, and he knew why you had. The word sex having stood out amongst the others he’d mentioned. You’re smoking under his gaze, a sudden wave of heat flashing over you within the blink of an eye. Ugh, how you hate the way he does this to you. Whatever this is. With a flicker of his eyebrows, a coy grin creeps upon his face. And you nervously swallow a gulp, easing the parched feeling in the back of your throat.

Awkwardly, you clear your throat, “Sounds like one hell of a weekend.” He continues his smirk at you, and at this point you grow slightly annoyed. Oh, his stupid hot face. Why does he keep staring like that?

“What?” You deadpan.

With a suck of his teeth, he pushes himself off the stool and stands up on his two feet, “Don’t miss me too much while I’m gone,” he coos with a wink. Yes, the fucker actually winked! You had to double check within your mind that you’re fully conscious because you couldn’t believe he did that. Jin doesn’t flirt with you, like ever. And you know that even he knows this, that grin still plastered upon his face. How the hell does he do it? Do this to you?

The sound of the door clicking signals his departure, to what you only assumed he was going on his lunch break. But the real question is, does he know? He must know that you are attracted to him, otherwise he wouldn’t have insinuated you’d “miss” him. Fuck. You’re screwed and you know it. Unfortunately not in the way you’d like to be screwed.

—

The weekend didn’t fly by like a breeze as it normally would, but instead dragged. You thought at one point the time may have just frozen, but subconsciously you knew that wasn’t even remotely possible. Although, you’re convinced that the reason for it all is because Seokjin wasn’t there. Normally, you’d both share the same shifts on weekends and everything felt in tune. You’d complete tests, run samples, and literally anything else under the sun together. But the time felt different when with him, and you’re beyond relieved to find that the end of your shift approaches. You both say your farewells and do it all over again the next day. It became a routine, really, one that you’d grown accustomed to.

However, since his weekend off, you felt something change, and you didn’t like it. You noticed since the start of your shifts, he permeated an odd vibe. Jin wasn’t making eye contact with you, and hell he didn’t greet you when he clocked in. Even when you’d discussed to your boss that after copious amounts of research and tests, the sodium hypochlorite solution kills various diseases and viruses, including HIV/AIDS, although said concoction is overly toxic for ingestion.

Seokjin never spoke or added anything from his research to back up your claim, which was completely degrading to you, because well… teamwork — he made you feel as though the countless amount of hours you’d both spent in the lab together was a waste. So yes, it was strange. He was acting strange, and you didn’t know whether to be gloomy or pissed about it all. After the meeting with the board, discussing the current problems with hygiene and public health, you returned to your station with Jin. You decide to test the waters and break the awkward silence since he wouldn’t.

You clear your throat in an attempt to draw his attention, but fail, his back still turned to you, “How was your weekend?”

He continues his work, not even flinching when you’d suddenly spoke. He replies so fast you were convinced he just knew exactly what you were going to say and simply waited for you to do so.

“Great,” he retorts with a nonchalant tone. You hear a few snap-like sounds and immediately note that he’s placing his gloves on. He brushes past you and into the cooler, removing a tray of blood samples to set them down onto the counter. You bite back a remark and instead try again.

“Had any good soup?” You internally cringe at yourself for saying something so stupid, but you can’t help but be the curious cat you are. Then his silence doesn’t make it any better. Here you are again, “Or at least some proper rest?”

His eyes finally meet yours, and you can’t quite read his pokerface. “I did,” He adds with still the most blank expression you’d known him to make. His gaze drops back toward the test tubes he’s busied himself with.

You continue to probe him, even though your insides scream otherwise, “Couldn’t have forgotten about the soju too, right?” You question, a tone laced with curiosity. He makes a simple “mmhmm” sound, clearly understanding where you’re going with this. A brief moment of silence subsides between the both of you, and for a moment you appreciated it but another side of you just had to know. Your essence ached for an answer, even though if said answer wasn’t one you’d want to hear, you still had to know. And you swear the phrase, “Curiosity kills the cat” could explain this moment in time.

“W-what about….” You trail off, in hopes he’d catch on. His eyes meet yours, and you can’t help but want to shribble up under his stare — whilst his defined lids peer into you, as if cascading into your soul.

“What about what?” Jin knows the next question you want to ask, and part of him wishes you’ll just ask already. He needs your inquiry of his sexcapades, because truth be told, he has none; and he’s on the brink of bending you over on this counter and fucking you senselessly — a burning ache, desperate to release his pent up frustration, mixed with the daily stresses that come along with work. His eyes linger onto your facial features, searching for a warning that you’d finally cave in, that by some miracle you’d admit you want him in just as a lustful manner as he wants you. Needs you. His weekend having been a long, cold, and lonely one. He’d desperately yearned for a woman’s touch, a dry spell long overdue.

He notes how your lips part and eyes widen, as if you’re stuck like a deer in headlights and don’t know how to simply let the words flow from your tongue. His pink, plush lips catch your attention, his bottom lip protruding in a manner that’s tempting for you to simply lick the flesh — the need to graze your teeth along the tissue clouding your mind. You suck in a quiet gasp, but audible enough for Jin to hear you. The sudden twitch of his member down below, the visual of having you whimper underneath him having flashed through his imagination. You instinctively obscure any second thoughts of your actions, because if he didn’t want you to know then why would he have mentioned the “Four S’s?” It’s like he’s calling your name, indirectly. Seokjin knows how curious you’ve always been, and it’d be silly to not know such a fact. After all, you’re a scientist that works for the CDC.

The more dense part of you spills, “Well, you know-” His eyebrow quirks up at you, as if not falling for your little trap. No, he wants to hear you say it, he wants those words coming out of you and streaming to his eardrums.

That familiar hum he has a habit of making slips from him, “Hm- No, I don’t.

He proceeds to his previous endeavors, scouring through the cabinets for some tools. You stand there dumbfoundedly, and cursing your own self for not having the courage to just speak your mind. Seokjin marvels at your conflicted expression, thanking his own self for not giving in so easily — because he wants to confirm his assumptions and needs you to make that move. He definitely didn’t want to be the first to impose, just in case you were to reject him and immediately perform some type of backlash technique. The last thing he needed was to lose his job and/or face a lawsuit for harassment. He ignores your stiff figure and gracefully mixes various liquids into a beaker. Your fingers tap along the counter and mind races hundreds of miles per hour. Just do it.

“Sex,” You whisper. His stirring stops suddenly and eyes move to yours with a slight tilt of his head. “Did you… Have sex?” You add, voice barely above a whisper. Jin sighs in relief, as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders — the air now somewhat less stuffy, and he chooses to stifle back a moan of satisfaction at your question. And within an instant, he scoffs, sending a rush of discouragement over your being.

He shakes his head while a sly grin paints upon his face, “Wouldn’t you like to know, hm?” You roll your eyes at him, can’t even believe the audacity. Of course, you should have known he’d be comical about it. Because that’s what Jin does, which makes you question how he’d even passed the entire hiring process to be promised and given this position.

With a slight pull of your strands out of frustration, you retort, “What the hell, Jin? You were the first one to mention “the Four S’s” You make sure to exaggerate air quotation marks on the phrase.

“And now you’re acting like you can’t even say if you’ve gotten some over the weekend. What am I not allowed to ask you questions anymore?!” Seokjin stares at you with wide eyes, immediately making you feel guilty for your sudden outburst. But what was he to expect? How could he not think you’d be curious of how his weekend ended after revealing to you his much needed desires. You palm your face in embarrassment, not wanting to meet his gaze any longer. And that’s when he removes his gloves, discarding them in the designated bin, and the feel of his palms encase around yours, pulling you from your hidden position to reveal your face that’s now strained with a painful look.

“If it makes you feel any better… I haven’t had sex.” His sweet voice oozes of comfort, granting a sense of calmness to reside within you.

“It’s been so long, and I am actually going to lose my mind if I don’t soon enough.” His confession causes you to gasp lowly, and he notices this. You hadn’t realized he was still holding your hands, his fingers long and cold, rubbing light circles within your palms. You know that he’s telling the truth; his eyes screaming for attention. Jin is desperate, and you sense that, which would explain why he’d been so tense ever since showing up to work today. You take this chance to take in every feature he has to offer. His broad shoulders aiding to tower his figure above yours just as he constrains his neck slightly to glare into your eyes. Your mouth flies agape just by an inch, and you hadn’t realized how close Jin was to you. You could feel the warmth of his breathing from his nostrils hitting you like the heat boiling down below.

You had a dire need to just smash your lips with his to finally know what the pillow-y tissue feels like between your own. His deep, chocolate irises reeling you in and suddenly your hand clenches tight underneath his touch. He notices and releases his grip from you, not realizing he’d been holding you this entire time.

And then you break the ice suddenly, “I think you should get that taken cared of soon.” Jin watches your form whilst you depart yourself from the room. Entering the main hall, you hadn’t processed how warm the atmosphere in the lab had been — a thin sheen of sweat coating your face and neck, courtesy of Seokjin Kim.

—

And then things got weirder.

There was this unspeakable tension between the two of you. You hardly made much eye contact with him at work now. You trained yourself (somewhat) to not ask so many questions during your shifts together, and if Jin noticed this then he definitely didn’t show or tell that he did. You’d find yourself going home at the end of the day and pulling out your favorite vibrator just to orgasm at the thought of Seokjin and his rosy, juicy lips, slender fingers that you know could reach the highest of places; those silky, light, blonde strands that long for you to tug on them as he buries himself in between your legs. However, Jin does the same, even on that weekend when he was off. He coated himself in lubricant and acquired his pocket pussy to stuff his thick length through the silicone material, imagining that it was your walls encasing around his cock instead.

Bucking his hips upwards, wanton moans spilled from him whilst he continued to ride out the waves of pleasure he’d endured just by dreaming of you. He continuously re-played the sight of your face over and over again in his mind, when you’d looked up at him that day in the lab — with glossy, bright eyes twinkling of curiosity. He wanted right then and there to shove himself down your throat and make you choke on his big dick. At the moment his groin tensed up and balls ached to release his load, he moaned your name repeatedly, as if he was summoning you into his bed. Streams of his cum erupted into the sleeve, soaking his length with the creamy substance just as he huffed for air, an attempt to gain back his normal breathing pattern.

And then the next day…

He did it again.

But this time it was different. He opted for his palm instead and your voice. He scrambled through anything in his phone that could get him off, more like anything of you in his phone. Until it dawned on him. You’d left him a voicemail back when you first got hired, introducing yourself to him and asking him to give you a call back to discuss work-related matters.

Bingo.

Your voice sent tingles down his spine as it resonated through the speakers of his iPhone. Jin quietly hummed at your words, as if he was agreeing to what you were saying — even though it had nothing to do with sex or pleasing him in any matter.

“Wish you were here,” He slips with his eyes shut, whilst his palm eagerly strokes his stiff cock, fingers gently brushing along the vein on his shaft.

“Need you so bad. Want to make you scream my name.” He replays it again with a hiss through his teeth. Drips of precum seep from the head of his cock; he lightly grazes the flesh with his long fingers, stimulating the sensitive area. The squelching noises from his slick length can be heard throughout his apartment as he pumps himself vigorously.

Another uncontrollable hum spills from Jin when he replays the recording again, picturing you on your knees blowing him off until you lose your breath.

“Hi Mr. Kim!”

How much he loves when you call him that. He’d almost forgotten when you used to address him that way, until he insisted that you didn’t have to and to simply refer to him as Jin.

“Mmm, love it when you used to call me that,” Jin whispers softly.

His hips move on their own, bucking up into his hand. His thighs clenching as he continues to fuck himself through his palm, and with furrowed brows he claws the sheets of his bed at the sound of your voice.

“This is ____, I was just transferred to your department and was told to follow up with you for any questions I may have.”

Jin’s hums now turned into moans, “Oh, fuck. Want to make you cum on Mr. Kim’s cock.”

“Anyways, if you could please give me a call back then I would really appreciate it. I look forward to meeting you!”

Jin’s toes curl at the last statement, his lips part instinctively and thighs stiffen themselves. His impending orgasm approaches as he cries out in pure bliss, “Oh, yeah! F-fuck!”

His chest rises and falls when streams of cum project onto his abs, some coating his fingers — while he softly pumps himself to rid of the remaining secretions. His loose strands stick to his forehead, thanks to the built up perspiration due to the raise in his body temperature. Jin lies there with a shaky breath and trembling thighs paired with thoughts of you. How much he wished his cum hadn’t gone to waste, how he wished he could cum so much inside of you that you gush pools of his jizz when he removes himself out of you. And lastly, how he’s nearly on the brink of risking it all just to be inside you.

—

One morning you break through the doors of the lab you share with Jin, to find him peering through a microscope. You can’t take it anymore; it’s been too long since the day you’d met him that you wanted to literally devour him whole. The need to hold your composure now thrown out the window completely. You snatch your badge off of you followed by your coat and slam your hand onto the counter, startling him from his work.

“I need you to fuck me until my brain is dead and I forget who I am and that we are in the middle of a pandemic.”

Seokjin’s mouth and eyes fly as wide as they can go. Without hesitation, he perks up from the stool and nearly tumbles over to tear his gloves off, remove his glasses, coat, and protective mask. He hurriedly washes his hands in the nearby sink, his eyes still traced on your uptight form. With lips still parted, he makes his way back to you and grips your sides, caressing you as if he’s admiring this moment of you standing here in front of him, begging for only him. He can’t process what’s actually happening and so he opts to do so later, and instead just appreciate this moment  — a dream that finally came true. Unexpectedly, he lunges you against the counter, causing your back to hit the handles of the drawers.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that?” He admits with a tone that’s mixed with lust.

Jin’s warm breath breezes past your face, sending a wave of chills down your spine. He cups your cheeks, and captures you in a heated kiss. His plump lips smooth out your own, a faint hint of coffee left on his tastebuds that signals you he more than likely had a cup of Joe this morning — your kisses filled with a fiery passion you didn’t know would finally come to light. His hands fall down to grip your waist in a feverish manner. Your fingers laced into his hair, an action you’d wanted to perform for what seems like forever now. His strands feel like satin under your fingertips.

His hands trail down to your ass cheeks, gripping the cushions with a hungry force. A rush of wetness seeps into your panties, and you silently convince yourself that you’d never been more horny until now. With teeth and tongues clashing, hands roaming along each others bodies, you both lose yourselves within each others touch — drifting into the euphoria of finally being relieved of the backed up tension that accumulated over these lonesome months. This moment in time was everything Jin had wished for. He yearned to have you in this way, and he’d only accept it if you were comfortable with doing so. The pang in his groin area throbs due to his high libido. Those nights he’d spent jerking himself off to the thought of you were now just a memory. When the burning need to breathe approaches, you both pull away panting for air. Jin’s already full lips now swollen and wet, his gorgeous almond-shaped eyes staring down your form in awe.

Your palms rest on his wide shoulders, caressing them with desperation.

“Please, Jin.” You plead with a whine. Within a swift he turns you around and bends you over. Your grip lands on the counter, knocking down the numerous utensils he’d previously been using, an almost failed attempt at keeping your balance. Jin roughly pulls your garments down, showcasing your panties. He brushes his digits along your covered core that pulses, almost as if speaking to his fingers. He applies more pressure, earning a small whimper. His erection gradually growing itself behind his briefs. He uses his index finger to pull your lacy undergarment to the side, a final reveal of your juicy lips. Your core clenches in front of him, as if calling to welcome him within your walls.

And suddenly a harsh slap lands on your delicate womanhood. You nearly fall apart on the spot at the abrupt infliction.

“That’s Mr. Kim to you.” He slips harshly and yanks your panties down to your ankles, your feet having tossed them somewhere in the distance. You hear the unbuckling of his belt, and he swiftly drops his trousers on the ground along with his briefs pooling at his ankles. His erect cock springs up, teasing the cheeks of your ass. And before you could even turn your head to take in the view of him, Seokjin slaps your lips a few times, the tip of his cock grazing against your clit while doing so. He then shoves himself entirely into you within one go, not even thinking to spare you even just for a moment. You knew you didn’t have to actually see his dick to know how big it is because damn did he stretch you out like you’d never been stretched before. You relentlessly pulsate around him, soaking him in your juices.

The pads of your fingertips grip onto the edge of the countertop. “Oh fuck me, oh!”

“Wow, you’re so tight. Fuck.” Jin moans. You find your hair being pulled back; he whispers into your ear, “I’m going to fucking give it to you, you hear me?” His large palm lands a rough smack to your ass cheek.

“Yes! S-sir!” You cry out, and another slap reoccurs, a familiar tingly sensation shoots straight to your heat. You didn’t think Jin was this dominate, but you’re convinced after such a drastic period of time, it would only make sense that he’d release his tension as he pleases. He creates his own brutal pace — relentlessly pounding your pussy out with no mercy. Your body bounces forward from Jin’s ferocious strokes, and your scalp aches from his tug on your hair.

“So wet, so tight,” He whispers to himself, blowing yet another smack to your bottom, followed by a gentle rub, an attempt to ease the soreness. You’re sure he’d leave a mark on you. The sound of his balls clapping against your cheeks resonates through the lab, and you internally pray that no one walks in because how fucked you’d both be if that happens. But at the same time, you really could care less because you’re being fucked by the hottest man in the company and that’s what matters right now.

“Fuck me, Mr. Kim! Please don’t stop!” His tug on your hair gets tighter. His delicate strands flapping up and down in the process of him hammering into you, his Adam’s apple bobs as moans emit from him, and his cock drenches itself in your arousal. He cherishes the sight of his dick entering and exiting your kitty, only for him to thrust forward into you with a sharp jab. He treasures your soft whimpers and cries of his name.

Jin pulls himself out of you completely, and you whine at the sudden loss of contact.

“Turn around,” With shaky legs, you comply and Jin gestures you to sit down on the stool — wrapping his arms under your knees and pulling your legs apart as wide as they can go, your drenched cunt on full display for his horny being.

You can finally see him and nearly cum on the spot at the sight of his huge cock. It’s beautiful, he glimmers of your wet — his mushroom tip approximately the same shade of color as his lips. He gives your pussy a few taps, mimicking a “knocking on the door” motion. The tip of his member prods your entrance, your fingers grip his forearms in hopes to not crumble from his ministrations, your legs eagerly wrapping themselves around his small waist. Once Jin’s length pushes past your folds, your walls immediately welcome him inside.

A fervor moan spills from you, and this time he doesn’t let up on your tender core, continuing where he left off with his rigid pace. With one hand gripping your waist, he uses the other to grip your neck, “Look at you all needy and desperate,” He slaps your face teasingly, earning a yelp from you. “I knew you wanted me this whole time.”

Another slap with a bit more force. A soft gasp falls from your fucked out self.

“Wanted me to destroy your tight little pussy just like this?” He forces a deep thrust, followed by another and another and another, gaining a strained cry from you. Your walls contract around his hardened length, begging for his motions to never stop. He slaps you again, making sure to leave a mark behind on your cheek.

“Speak when you’re spoken to.” He uses this time to slap your clit harshly, unsatisfied with not receiving a response from you.

You whimper in reply, a sudden jerk of your thighs, “Y-yes, Mr. Kim!”

Jin slaps you again, “Who’s a cock-hungry little slut for Mr. Kim?” He continues to slap your face again, alternating between your left and right cheek.

And again.

His filthy words cause a tingly sensation straight to your core, “Me. I-I am a slut for you, Sir.”

And again.

That familiar hum rumbles from Jin’s chest, an approval laced in satisfaction, “Mmm, that’s right. You’ll walk around this facility with my cum buried deep inside you. Understand?” He punctuates his question with a thrust so deep, you swear you feel him in your tummy.

“Yes, Sir!” You cry out with trembling legs. He’s hitting your sweet spot so well, and with another slap to your face, your eyes prick with tears. Jin’s overpowering demeanor is nothing like you’d ever seen before.

“Play with your clit.” He demands, and you follow. Your fingers find the nub to gently rub along the sensitive nerves, causing your thighs to twitch within Jin’s hold.

“Harder,” he commands. You comply and add more pressure, a boiling heat rising in the pit of your tummy. You close your eyes and focus on the sounds of Jin’s panting and your thighs smacking against his. He lands another harsh slap to your face, and squeezes your cheeks together with one hand.

“Open your mouth.” You obey him and find yourself opening up as he requests. He drops a line of his warm saliva onto your tongue, and demands, “Swallow.”

Your clit throbs in pleasure and he notes you’ve stopped rubbing yourself. With a gulp, you ingest his spit with a whimper. Jin slaps your clit this time, your legs naturally jerking in response.

“Did I tell you to stop touching yourself?” He probes while halting his thrusts. You nod your head in a no gesture, “N-no Sir.”

He slaps your aching clitoris repeatedly, then pulls himself out of you. Your walls cry at the loss of his thick cock. He bends down to forcefully slap your pussy, running his fingers along your dripping heat and within moments he lewdly spits on your wet folds, his saliva now glistening your already soaked labia. His tongue darts out to slither along your lips and he places a wet kiss to your clit before pulling away.

“I’d love to keep eating you out, but I’ve been dying to get inside this pussy,” He sheathes his member back inside of you and buries himself to the hilt, pulling back out all the way and slamming back into you. He releases another trail of his spit onto his shaft, smothering himself more. He licks the pad of his thumb and rubs your clit relentlessly, while giving you short and fast strokes; and suddenly your toes curl themselves at the same time your eyebrows furrow.

Seokjin notices your contorted expression, and with a beaming grin, he coos, “That’s right. Cum for Mr. Kim like the good, little slut you are.”

“Cumming, Oh fuck!” Your body quivers within his hold while your orgasm overtakes you, even the stool you’re still seated on slightly skids across the floor beneath you. Jin helps to ride your orgasm out, applying just the right amount of pressure as you writhe underneath him. Your nails graze along his clothed biceps, his sleeves now scrunched and wrinkled, and you honestly have no shame — too lost in being drowned into your orgasm.

He groans at the feel of your cunt contracting around his cock, his thrusts now gaining a sloppy momentum. “Fuck, didn’t know you could get so tight.” His eyes fall down to his cock — the sight of your lady lips sucking him in entirely and contracting around his shaft tips him over the edge.

Seokjin gazes into your eyes with parted lips and lets out a shuddering moan dipped in ecstasy, his nails dig into the flesh of your waist as he rides out his high.

“Fuck,” he breathlessly says. A sudden warmth down below causes you to witness Jin’s cock pulsing as thick ropes of his cum surges into you, painting your walls and filling you up entirely of him. He joins you in watching himself gradually ease out of you. You clench your walls intentionally; Jin’s cum drains from your fucked out heat and drips onto the ground.

You both remain in silence, the sound of your breaths filling up the entire space. Before you could even process what just happened, or simply let out a syllable or two, the double doors of the lab burst open.

There stood a tall, slender man with glasses and a dark-chocolate, bowl cut. His deep, baritone voice sends a shuddering chill through you.

“Someone’s got a lot of explaining to do.”

“Ah, shit.” Jin whispers, with both hands on his hips and his soft length now flaccid. You cover your face in your palms, in full shame.

[brionyjae]

Hey there

Favourite flash episodes from any season?

hi!!!!! thank you for taking the time to send me an ask, i barely ever get them :D and about the flash, no less! ugh i have to admit, i am so behind on all of the arrowverse shows which makes me sad... i really have to get onto catching up. (i literally watched the crisis on infinite earths episodes, and then stopped watching for..... a while, lol. that crossover was just A LOT okay? xD)

my favourite seasons of the flash are the early seasons, probably the first 3 seasons? idk, i just really love the original team flash dynamic, when barry was more innocent and awkward and the whole show felt a bit lighter? i mean i'm gonna keep watching bc i don't usually give up on a show unless i really hate it, but there's just something about those first seasons that i really love.

okay so you wanted to know what my favourite episodes are! it's been a while since i've seen them, so i may be a bit rusty on the details, but here's my top 5 fave eps...

1. 1x16 "Rogue Time" OMG this one is hands down my fave of all time. mostly bc it gives me all of the cisco feelings!! cisco and dante being kidnapped together, talking thru some of their issues. excellent cisco and caitlin brotp times at dante's party. the most perfect flashvibe scene at the bar, they just both look really pretty and "go ahead barry" CISCO STOP I CANNOT. my fave flash rogues, captain cold and heatwave ;) PEAK barry and cisco hug!! also just great in general bc of the time travel storyline that means barry Knows Stuff, yep, i love this episode so much.

2. 2x13 "Welcome to Earth 2" need i say more??? barry and cisco are such adorable dorks in this episode, geeking out over earth 2, it's just too good. iris on earth 2!!! AMAZING. i mean, i adore iris in any universe, but DUDE. also. cisco and reverb meeting! YES.

3. 1x23 "Fast Enough" SO MUCH DRAMA, SO MANY FEELINGS! like, what an excellent season finale tho?? i mean. barry deciding to go back in time to save his mother! eddie!!!!!! (i'm still sad about that, bring back eddie ugh). AND i can’t resist mentioning the deleted flashvibe scene bc it will forever be seared into my brain.

4. 2x06 "Enter Zoom" i have a soft spot for linda and lowkey ship linda and iris, so this episode where linda impersonates Dr Light is defs one of my faves. plus cisco is kind of a badass and saves Barry from Zoom, so :D

5. 3x01 "Flashpoint" yet another rift on barry travelling back in time to save his mother, and i'm still here for it xD but mostly: WALLY!!!!! KID FLASH!!!! god i love wally so much. BRING BACK WALLY lmao.

wow, okay. so there you go! hope you find these ramblings entertaining hahaaa. and actually, you've helped to remind me why i love the flash so much... and i also just realised that it's basically the fandom i've written the most fanfic for. idk, writing these characters always felt easy and natural to me. so who knows. maybe i'll get all inspired and write some more fic. (if i have time, ughhh.)

thank you again for the ask!! <3 xx

[that-was-anticlimactic]

hey! i just saw your ask to bisexualsokka and i saw that you mentioned "frozen au"? is it atla related? it sounds really interesting.

hello, friend:)

first, imma promote now that i see you by @bisexuallsokka which the ask i sent was about and everyone should go read it because the disney zukka brain rot is real oof i have been thinking about them all day... like… uGH i was picturing the second to last chapter / the beginning of the last chapter in my head ALL day today and I have no regrets

okay bUT about what you sent... i am in the process of writing a zukka frozen au and i am uhh very invested hehe

so, i was showering one day and frozen broadway came on and i was like "yeah zukka" and then i went "... yEAH ZUKKA" and wrote this post and then forgot about it and then remembered in december and it was all i thought about in december and it consumed my mind

but for anyone who doesn't want to look at the link (which valid it's long lol), imma summarize:

katara is elsa and sokka is anna (although sokka is still the oldest. katara is literally the last southern water tribe bender so like,,, yeah she's elsa) and sokka does become chief, not katara.

and azula is hans (but she is being manipulated by oz*i v heavily so if i ever write the sequel i've been pondering about... major azula redemption... also mai and ty lee anyways). then zuko is kristoff and druk is sven (look me in the face and tell me that zuko wouldn't sing a song called dragons are better than people ijuhgvhjihu)

then aang is technically olaf in this but like... just in the companion sense. like, when katara reveals she's a bender and there's a storm, the storm cracks the ice berg and zuko and sokka find aang and he travels with them to find katara

iroh is pabbie and the white lotus are the trolls (except pakku still sucks and he's a nonbender in this because plot lol and he moved to the swt to be with kanna) and the rest of the trolls are the freedom fighters, the kyoshi warriors, toph, and just people who want to stop the war. so while toph, suki, jet, and haru aren't main characters, they're still there (and also yueki and jetru... yeah... oh but yue is still dead which sad but i also am in the process of writing a yueki prequel and a jet-centric prequel as to how he joined the "trolls")

(most importantly, the cabbage man is oaken—)

and yeah :) the plot is kind of the same but also different??? like the journey to find katara is a lot longer and that's how zukka falls in love and azula was instructed to try and take down the swt from the inside and like flirt with sokka (poor girl doesn't know she's a lesbian yet://) and they move so fast because a) sokka falls hard and he falls fast and b) azula was like "wow this child is so starved for affection and attention that i could ask him to marry me and he'd probably say yes father this is so easy w h a t kind of mission is this?" (spoiler alert: she is correct lol)

and katara and sokka fight and oh no she's a water bender and sokka is like "she's my sister, i'm not leaving her" and then frozen but in atla verse and with some additions by me :)

oh and also the war is kind of different? like it's not a full out war but the fire nation slowly trying to take everywhere down from the inside / sneakily and they don't have the resources or ability to attack the heavily armed nwt or the huge earth kingdom yet but the swt is doable

(and it's still small, but the nwt sent them some nonbenders... you know, after they killed *all* of the benders, the north was like 'mmm maybe not benders', so sokka's "coronation" is a big deal for them histroically)

and the swt still doesn't really like the fire nation at all (understandably) so azula pretends she's a refugee and zuko is so used to pretending to be earth kingdom that he lies and tells sokka that his name is li lol

but anyways, to sum it up, this is a story that i really want to explore the relationship between sokka and katara first and foremost and then zukka immediately after that and the let it go scene with katara... yeah i have plans for that that will stay hidden iuhgvhuji

well um

you did not ask for this much but i've been genuinely craving to talk about this because i think about it constantly and will be dedicating my life to this after my bb fic is completely posted :)

thank you very much for *unintentionally* indulging me and allowing me to scream about how much i love my zukka frozen au

(and under the cut is the frozen and tangled boards i drew for the menu board at camp today hehe--ignore the nightmare fuel that is olaf—i cannot draw)

olaf really looks ready to murder me tho,,,

and kom nu frem is quite literally always playing in my head… but the tangled one,,, I spent way too much time on it but it was sO worth it. that’s supposed to be sokka instead of flynn and zuko instead of rapunzel but I doubt I would’ve been able to get away with that lol

but yeah !!! i did the frozen one because kom nu frem and then decided tangled because frozen makes me think of my au and then when I was trying to figure out what the lunch board should be, my kind went to zukka soooo nOW THAT I SEE YOU

[toosicktoocare]

prompt:  Oh my gosh i am so so so so happy that youre finally writing for the Batfam!!!! Ive been following you for awhile now and I'm glad that youve fell into the rabbit hole that is thos crazy family😂 For a prompt, how about Jason and Dick taking care of each other at home when theyre both in varying degrees of sick? Your last fic was amazing and I love your group writing. Have a great day

I’m glad you like my group writing because I STRUGGLE to write more than one person honestly, lol

Jason’s dragging his feet around the small convenience store, too tired to move, his muscles melting to hot, thick goo. He’s been fighting a cold for the better half of two days now, having picked one up from a sick kid taking residence in one of his shelters, and normally, he’d isolate himself in one of his safe houses for a few days to sleep off the cold, but with his shelters expanding outside of Gotham to Bludhaven, he’s too busy interviewing for team leaders and security to temporarily remove himself from the world.

Instead, he’s reduced to a sniffling, shivery mess of a man who’s wandering a convenience store in Bludhaven at 1 AM. His head is hot and feeling like it’s stuffed to the brim with cotton. His concentration is waning under the thick, pounding pressure in his head, slowing his thoughts down to basic, one-word sentences as he scans the shelf for medicine, hoping for a concoction that will kick this cold square in the ass.

“Jason?”

Jason was willingly taking his time, prolonging the inevitable bike ride back to Gotham; however, the sudden, incredibly unwanted, presence of one pesky bird tightens his muscles and clears his head enough to move faster.

“Dick,” Jason says, keeping his eyes glued to the shelf. “What a pleasant surprise,” he adds flatly, groaning when he spots Dick, with his badge on full display, walking toward him through his peripherals.

“What are you doing in Bludhaven?”

Jason sighs deep in his throat, the breathing coming off as a muted growl. He grabs a bottle of fever reducers and snags a few other bottles of varying medicines before he turns toward Dick. “Business.”

Dick cocks his head to the side, a small frown playing at his lips. “What business?”

“I’m sorry,” Jason bites out, “is this an interrogation, Officer Grayson?” His eyes find Dick’s badge, sharp, narrow, and incredibly annoyed.

Dick deflates before him, pocketing his badge with a few coughs. “No, sorry. Habit. Will you be here long?”

“I was just leaving,” Jason grumbles, though the second he turns on his heel, his body decides to remind him of the fucking fever he’s been running, and he stumbles, vision tunneling for a breath of a moment but just enough to have Dick wrapping quick hands around his arms to steady him.

“Woah, Jay, you okay?” Dick’s pulling Jason back to him, guiding him around until they are facing, and Jason can’t fight off the annoyingly strong grip, his body too weak under the weight of this persistent cold.

“Peachy,” he gripes out, jaw clenched tightly, and he holds Dick’s narrow, worried gaze with his own tight one, only moving to slap Dick’s hand away before Dick can press a palm to his forehead.

“Jason.”

“Dick Brain,” Jason sighs, shoulders slumping. “You can save the puppy dog look for one of the other bats. I’m fine.”

“You’re sick,” Dick presses, following Jason to the cash register.

“Yep,” Jason mutters, dropping the medicine bottles onto the counter. “It happens.” Dick muffles a few coughs behind him, and he peers over his shoulder, arching one brow.

“Bug going around the office,” Dick explains, clearing his throat. “Are you driving back to Gotham?” He follows Jason out of the store, and Jason sighs long and loud, free hand dropping to his bike seat.

“That’s the plan.”

“Why don’t you come back to mine? Just for the night. You look terrible.” Dick means every word, the instinctive pull of older brother is bleeding into his voice. Jason’s pale before him, but even with the dull, flickering street light serving as the only source of light before them, he can still see two splashes or unnatural red coloring Jason’s cheeks.

“And watch you stumble around trying to play nursemaid? Not exactly on my list of things to do.” Jason thumbs at his bike helmet, wishing he could will this conversation to end faster.

“Jay, I don’t think riding back to Gotham in your condition is a good idea.”

Rolling his eyes, Jason slips his helmet over his head and swings his leg over his bike, tucking the pill bottles into his jacket pockets. “Good thing bad ideas are kinda my forte.” He twists his key into the ignition, revving his bike loudly. “Later Golden Boy. Go get some rest. The sickly pale look doesn’t suit you.” He shoots forward, probably a little too fast, but the quicker he can forget about this small encounter, the better.

***

Jason makes it ten minutes outside of Bludhaven before he turns around, underestimating the ill affects his fever has on his vision. After almost flipping into a ditch three separate times when his vision frayed gray, he slows his bike into a U-Turn and starts toward the damn address etched in his brain, something he’s tried to forget but actively cannot.

It takes another fifteen minutes until he’s pulling up to Dick’s apartment and another ten to climb on jello legs up the two flights of stairs to Dick’s door. Forgetting it’s nearing 2 AM, he curls his hand into a fist and bangs against the door.

He hears coughing on the other end, growing louder, and then the door’s pulled open, and a gun’s pointed at his face.

Dick blinks slowly, eyes still riddled with sleep but hand frighteningly steady around the gun.

“Jason?”

“How come when I even look at a gun, I get lectured, but you have a guest stare down a barrel?”

Dick’s hand falls, clicking the safety of the gun on its way down. “Shit, sorry.” Frowning, he drags his gaze across Jason’s face. “You must really feel like crap if you’re actually taking my offer.”

Jason groans and shoves past Dick, legs wobbly but determined to get to the couch before he crumbles to the floor. “I figured your couch would be just a little better than a fucking ditch.” He sags against the couch, head rolling back and eyes fluttering closed, only opening when a palm brushes across his forehead.

“Shit, Jay, you’re really burning up.”

Jason feels the couch dip beside him, and he groans low in his throat, coughing weakly. “Just a cold.”

“You really believe that?” Dick sighs, nudging Jason with his elbow until Jason’s curling onto his side, fully reclined on the couch. He reaches for a blanket draped across the back of the couch and tucks it around Jason, worry spiking when Jason doesn’t try and stop him.

“No,” Jason says flatly, “but I do believe that you should shut the fuck up.”

“Well you’re still an ass, so I guess that means you aren’t dying.”

“Again,” Jason grumbles, succumbing, already, to the thick layer of fatigue coating him.

Wincing, Dick slips to his feet, arms wrapping around himself. “Sorry, I...”

“‘S fine,” Jason slurs, one eye slitting open. “Go sleep or some shit. You look like hell.” He nods off, face relaxing, and Dick lingers for a long minute, just watching, an older brother thing, he guesses. 

He only breaks his gaze when a dull cramp twists in his stomach, and he shuffles to his room, closing his door and flopping onto his bed.

***

Jason’s dreams are fitful, filled with hot, suffocating memories of the Joker, the Lazarus Pit, green hair turning toward green sparks of rage that dwell within him. He’s not sure what wakes him, but he’s thankful for it, his heart rapid fire in his chest, his clothes sticky and damp with sweat. He finds a now warm cloth on his forehead, and he pulls it off, frowning, mind thick and hazy.

He hears a loud gag and winces, pulling a slow gaze to the hallway and spotting the bathroom door closed. He’s even slower to his feet, his head feeling simultaneously too heavy and too light as he stumbles across the room and to the hall, stopping at the bathroom door. It’s gone quiet on the other side, too quiet. He knocks, swallowing back a spike of tension.

“Yo, Golden Boy. You still alive?”

He can hear ragged breathing, but then he hears a thump, and his heart threatens to climb up his throat. “Dick?” he tries, knocking again. Every inch of him feels wrong when he still doesn’t get an answer, and he takes a few steps back and slams his foot high into the door, wood cracking under the force as the door flies open.

Dick’s pulling himself up to his feet, bracing himself against the edge of the sink. He pulls a too pale face over his shoulder, frowning. “The door was unlocked.”

“You didn’t answer,” Jason growls, stepping into the room, grimacing at the toilet.

“Do you normally not try doorknobs first?”

“What kind of a brother would I be if I didn’t dramatically bust in to save you?”

Dick’s face falls to pure, vulnerable surprise, and Jason groans, rubbing at his temples as he shoves Dick to the edge of the tub to fill a glass of water for him.

“Fuck, I said the sacred word, and now you’re short circuiting.” His tone is flat as he offers the glass of water to Dick, who absently takes it, still slack jaw and wide eyed.

“You never say brother.”

“Easy slip up. Just means I’ve been hanging around you too long already.” He kicks Dick’s foot lightly. “Drink.”

Dick sips the water, the adrenaline subsiding until he’s only shivering slightly.

“Have you been throwing up? Before this?”

Dick shakes his head. “New development.” He eyes Jason’s damp face, cheeks still too red for his liking. “How’s the fever? I thought I was going to have to drag you to the hospital a couple of hours ago.”

Jason can still feel heat under his finger tips. He’s still exhausted, but his mind is a fraction clearer, so he takes that as a good sign he’s on the mend, if only slightly. “Still pretty high, but it’s going down.” 

“Good,” Dick breathes, relief smoothing across his worn features. “I was worried.”

“Ugh, stop before I throw up next.” Jason drags out each word, hunching over to smooth a palm across Dick’s forehead, finding it warm to the touch but not alarmingly so. “Finish the water then go back to bed.” He turns to leave, wincing at the damaged door.

“I’ll fix this,” he mutters, and Dick laughs lightly, falling into a few coughs.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

[ones-delight]

I unfortunately won’t have therapy until the end of this month (I should have scheduled one earlier this month ugh lmao I thought one later this month would be better) so I’m doing what my therapist suggested, write down all what’s going through my head even if it doesn’t make sense to help bring myself back to reality. lol. I’m very much lost in my own sauce of feelings and thoughts. it’s allllll about my ex again so ugh lmao. My main anxieties are just feelings about my ex and what’s coming up this semester.

I’m currently in my apartment in Iowa City since we’re about to start back up my usual routine. I’ve been here for almost two weeks now which is nice because I’ve been trying to take my time to relax and get myself mentally prepared for this upcoming semester. I’m also low key glad I’m having these overwhelming anxieties right now instead of later this week. I need to ask my therapist again what exactly I am feeling (if it’s like a panic attack because i truly dont know) because I’ve been feeling hella anxious the past few days (in general) and yesterday my anxiety was so intense that I barely ate and I felt sick to my stomach. idk if others have the same too but when I also get hella anxious, all I want to do is go to the bathroom so tmi lmao. I feel this way now and I just cannot stop crying so again, I’m just writing everything that’s going through my mind lmao.

#1) Related to my ex, heart break

Yeah.. I literally keep talking about this/him and I’m glad I have multiple outlets that I can say what’s going through my mind because if I keep these thoughts to myself, I keep spiraling. I’m also very thankful I have multiple strong support systems from people where it truly doesn’t get annoying to them when I keep talking about him/my overall heart break/healing journey. I know I don’t want to burden my friends with my own thoughts (it can be a lot) so overall very thankful for friends, family, and my therapist lmao. 

I think the last time I talked about my heart break was the letter I wrote to him. I wrote it and sent it to him lmao. I also wrote his mom a letter in Spanish because I want to stay connected with her and very thankful she reciprocates the same energy, Apparently, he never received the letter even though I sent it over 3 weeks ago, but anyways yeah that’s a story I will tell later in this post. Anyways, it’s legit easier said than done to completely stop checking on his social media. I was doing great before winter break. Now that winter break has happened (still kind of is for a few more days), I have relapsed where I was checking very often. The break was great since I got to spend quality time with family, however, unfortunately being back in Wichita still floods a lot of my emotions where there are still a lot of memories of him and I that still makes me feel sad (luckily no longer sobbing about but I do still feel some type of way. It’s getting better thankfully). It also hurts that he’s making new memories with his new girlfriend Kylie so I was def feeling all sorts of things. Sorry, I’m trying to go onto chronologize order of events that have happened. I’m jumping back and forth lmao 

First, did I mention his mom called me the day before Christmas? I was SHOOOOOK when I saw her name on my phone. I legit froze because I wasn’t sure if it was actually her so I accidently missed her call. I’m so glad she left a voicemail so I could listen first and immediately call her back LMAO. But basically, she wanted to check in to see how I was doing, wish me and my family a merry christmas/happy new year, and asked if I could come see her. We joked a bit back and forth like how she was learning English for me while I’m learning Spanish for her. lmao. so after this phone call, I wrote her a letter to update her on what I’ve been doing. I wrote it all in Spanish since that’s her primary language so thank god for google translate. overall, I told her about how I’m about to earn my masters degree in may, I’ve lost now 30 lbs of weight/having a better relationship with food, how I’m honestly still hurt about her son cheating on me (I was in my feels. You know if you ever get those feelings like you want your mom? She legit is like a mom to me since my mom isn’t an active part of my life so yeah I guess you can say I got mommy issues but anyways) I also told her that if she’d still like me to come over, I’d love to come over and see her.

Few days go by, I’ve been creeping onto his social media, it stings to see how he has flaunted his relationship with Kylie. It hurts because I keep playing this comparison game because he truly has NEVER allowed me to post about us and he would himself refuse to post about us on his social media. So, just to see how he’s been basically spending every single day with her and posting her throughout all of his social media, makes me feel an extreme type of way. during new years, she had a party at her house where it was him, her, his brother paco (which I was SHOOOK because she met paco and not everyone has ever met paco, who is his oldest brother), miguel and his girlfriend (both are super cute btw), Blake (surprisingly), and Erik. I felt some kind of way because obviously I know they would share a new years kiss even tho they’ve only been dating for literally a month. I dated him for 3 years and NEVER got a new years kiss (because he wanted to be with bros). Valentines day is coming up and it’d be their “two month” anniversary and I just KNOW he’d actually put EFFORT into spending that day with her. 3 years I dated this guy and he never ONCE did ANYTHING for me for valentines day. ok I’m getting more hurt thinking how he’s treating his other girls better than me so anyways BACK TO THE TOPIC

few days go by and I got another call from his mom. I actually picked up this time because I was really excited to hear her voice again. I legit would die for this woman legit #1 mom. She asked if she could see me and I happily said yes. It really means a lot that she still gives me the same energy that she gave me when I was still dating her son. One of the hardest parts of us breaking up was the potential of losing his family too because they are all truly good people and I am NOT the CEO of letting people go lmao. okay back to subject, I had TONS of anxiety driving over to her house because I had so many thoughts. I asked on the phone if 1.) is Lalo there. She said no. 2.) Is Paco there. No, he apparently flew back to California that morning. I was low key hoping paco would be there still because it would be cool to catch up with him but anyways my main concern was if eduardo was there so since he wasn’t, I was like “ok vroom vroom let’s go” lmao. WOWOWOWWO seeing her just made my heart so happy. She def has a lot more gray hairs since the last time I saw her lmao she’s the cutest anyways, I’m really shook that HIS DAD FREAKING HUGGED ME. THIS MAN NEVER USUALLY HUGS ANYONEEEEEEEEEEE. Typically how we greet each other, it’s like a wave from a distance and we obvi acknowledge each other. so WOOOOW I was very thankful and shook he hugged me. Anyways, his mom showed me around the house with the Christmas decorations, I noticed her birds were still doing well, she even showed me her new plants she got lmao. We sat at the dining room table and talked and ate mexican snacks. She has broken English and I have broken Spanish so literally thank god for dualingo because it has helped me. I love how when we are together, we talk really slow and try to annunciate for each other LMAOOO. Anyways, THIS WOMAN ALSO GOT ME A STOCKING filled with Mexican Candy. omg this woman i love her so much. Anyways, I showed my tattoos to her and she legit wanted to murder me lmao but she says she likes them but hates them at the same time. She also sat me down and we had a serious conversation in terms of how she sees me. She said that I am no longer known as lalo’s novia, what I am to her is a daughter. I am evelyn’s sister and yo boi that got me crying in the club because that’s what I would love to have, to maintain my relationship with them . Okay, to kind of speed things up, basically we kept talking about Evelyn’s quinceanera that’s happening this year AHHHHHH, dropped Evelyn off and her friend to a friend’s quince, and his mom took me to eat at paleterias tropicana where I tried elote for the first time and had a jugo verde WOOOOOW SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD. literally cannot stop thinking about it. Anyways, random note, I noticed my old K-State beanie in the car and his mom said it was Evelyn’s. It gave me a weird feeling because it was originally mine that he gifted me on our first Christmas together but obviously I knew he wouldn’t keep it so I’m not suprised he gave it to Evelyn. It made me wonder then what did he do to the other gifts that he originally gave me but I gave it back to him once we broke up.. okay that was a tangent, anyways, that was it with the night with his mom and ughhh it was a really fun night and I really am looking forward to seeing her again.

Now fast forward to now-ish, me not doing good of not checking his social media, I got triggered because they now made it “facebook officlal” that they are dating. it triggered me because again, he refused to publicize our relationship and it really threw me off that they’ve only been dating for a month (technically interested in each other since October, started dating November) and already publicizing they are together. they moving hella quick and basically, I got hella bitter. I felt reckless and I texted him. I KNOW I shouldn’t have texted him because I immediately felt a sense of regret after but also low key glad I did text him. ugh i hate me lmao. Anyways, i texted him and he asked if he could call me so I said yes. Luckily, the conversation was better than I expected because it was simply like two old friends catching up. It was a really good feeling even tho I’m honestly still hurt about the way that he treated me. It caught me by suprised when he said that he has talked about me with Kylie and he actually stated that he knows what he did and feels regretful for the choices he made. That was a huge shocker and I do still have trust issues because I try to take things that he says with a grain of salt. He may be saying things to me that I want to hear but it’s not the truth so anyways lmao. Our conversation was good and it really got me thinking what exactly am I doing/how am I really feeling.

I really am happy for him. Yes i’m still deeply hurt and feel a type of way about how he treated me, but I can’t do anything about the past and all I can do is just simply be happy for him. I will always love him without a doubt, but he isn’t my person. I hope this doesn’t come off as selfish but he will never find someone better than me, he is simply finding someone better suited for him. What helps me the most about this is thinking about ME because that’s the situation for him, however, I know I will find someone better than him because I deserve the best.

I felt bad for asking because I am just fucking nosy and I’m glad he was okay with me asking about what happened with his relationship with Lila (the girl he left me for) and how did he start dating Kylie. He shared with with me that even though it was all great in the beginning with Lila (and let me tell you dude, he totally was hella infatuated with her lmao), they started becoming two different people. She apparently wasn’t emotionally there for him when he needed her (IRONICCCCCCCCCCCCC BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW HE WAS WITH ME THROUGHOUT OUR 3 YEARS TOGETHER) and she ended the relationship. It did make me sad to hear because everyone needs support and it is sad when you go to someone for support and they don’t give you it, ya know? anyways, he said with Kylie, they’ve been friends for two years (I knew who she was when we were together but they’ve always only been friends since they worked at the Sunflower together. This will sound extremely bad but I never thought about her being a girl to worry about because she did a lot of “white” things that we make fun of white people for and so it kind of shocked me that he is dating her now but anyways) apparently he said that “they were hanging out and next thing he knows is that he kissed her and that’s how they started dating.” dude didn’t want to go into detail which was fine but I’m also in my head like “ok lmao you literally just got broken up by your ex and then immediately start hanging out with another girl? ok” ANYWAYS, I really am happy for him and wish him the best. 

It was cool to hear about what he’s hoping to do. He shared a lot more detail than usual which again caught me by surprise. Anyways, he shared that he is currently looking for a new place to live (a house to rent) somewhere in college hill (conveniently where Kylie also lives lmao) with Erik. He is also hoping to find another job soon because things at KWCH are no longer making him feel happier so he’s looking to see if he can work for a non-profit org which makes me happy for him because I’d also want to do the same. If I’m at a job where I’m not excited to be, I’d want to also try to make a switch. He also shared that junior (martin, his little brother) will be moving to Cali in May to move close to paco which wow made me really happy for them all. Anyways, he shared that he is hoping to stay in Wichita for about one more year and then possibly relocating to KC or somewhere in Oklahoma. i did encourage him KC because it seems that KC has much more opportunities than Wichita and Oklahoma. Only thing we both hate is driving in KC lmao

Okay, so overall, I’m still really hurt about how our relationship was and how it ended but I’m very grateful that I’m doing what is best for me to make progress because this is not an overall easy thing to do, move on. I do feel low key embarrassed that I still am not over our break up but I’m very glad that I know that He isn’t my person. we will and I cannot get back together with him even if he stated that he has “changed” Yes i invested so much in him to be my forever partner and it didn’t work out but that’s okay. I’m always willing to invest in people to be the best version of themselves and it really makes me happy to see people thrive. I truly cannot and will not take him back if there was ever a time where he wanted to give us a second try because I need to remember how he treated me. If he really was always thinking it was me, then he shouldn’t have cheated on me, treated me so poorly. I’m okay with us remaining friends, but as partners in life? that isn’t it. I deserve so much better and the man of my dreams will come. I’m 10000000% okay with being single because I know I need to work on myself so that I can be fully ready for my next. I really wish my next relationship is my one and only, but hey we’ll see. 

so this is already extremely long but I’m very glad I got this all out of me. I know I have other anxieties such as starting school again, which will be my last semester before I earn my masters (FINALLY), RA training coming back up (so me working is coming back), JOB SEARCH. So much is coming up and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to get my head into gear. 

[hockeysweetheart]

My thoughts while reading The ballad of song birds and Snakes...   ( I’ll be refering Coriolanus to Snow in this because I am not about to write that name who know how many times) ( Please note Many many spoilers ahead)

How  do I say these names... Flips through the book yeah I’m screwed.. 

Trigis is Snow’s Older Cousin Didn’t see that coming 

What’s this... Am I actually Feeling sorry and bad for snow... ( lets see how long this lasts for)

Point 2 seconds  a little upset you have to mentor Lucy gray from District 12 then your over it once she shows her vaule... 

Lucy Gray  wow you sure know how to make an entrence.  I like you... 

Is she the first winner from District 12?  

Did that really happen... 

Roses on the roof really... 

Okay  that was kinda sweet (  showing up to the train station with the rose) 

Wait what it’s not the luxury that is seen in the other books.They are treated like well zoo animals.  anywhere outside of the zoo ( before a certain point they are in handcuffs  also they are literally all in the same cage at the zoo and people can visit them too) ( Not fed/ mot trained basically they go into the arena as they look and wear the same clothes too)  (( I am doing this in one big point so then I don’t do like 50 points on this) 

No wonder there is a law  “No fighting with the other tributes before the games start”  

Who the actual **** is this Dean Guy... 

Okay thats sweet Snow is actually trying to make Lucy Stand a chance....  Whats this Snow is actual kinda sweet what are you  doing to me.. 

Sejanus Is feeding them too... 

Okay the Picnic was kinda sweet.. 

He knows Marcus... Oh wait I forgot hes from District 2 

Well that escalated Quickly... 

How didn’t these games get cancled...  I said this to myself about 10 times... 

Okay you did what to that girl because she told a lie...

Dr Gaul I have so many questions but frankly I am scared for your answer..

Okay Kids lets go on a field trip  where you will die in a few days.. 

What is this arena... 

Boom....  

How is this guy on the loose... 

Then I realized the games haven’t even started yet...

About the public humlationn really  you treated them bad enough... but now the dead... ughhh 

Okay Snow is being sweet again. Why am I blushing.. 

Okay I am convinced this Lucy Gray is related to Katniss somehow... 

SUGAR COOKIES PEETA MELLARK....

Okay that was sweet for Trigis to help out for the interview cleaning her dress and making sure lucy was washed up a bit... 

Is it that hard to find a gutair.... 

It’s not over until the Mockingjay sings... 

Lucy Grays Interview  wow.. BRAVO BRAVO..

Wait a second. Snow you didn’t just say that You own Lucy Gray.... Just because  her interview was amazing... and she’s a bigger shot then you... Takes a sip of a drink... Well I should of seen this  coming.. 

Okay its okay to let Lucy Gray cheat in the games But when Katniss pulls out those berries its like oh hell no... 

Now I see why they check the Tokens from home befroe they are approved for the arena.. 

She really kissed you and we were about to whitness a makeout session... ( I almost yelled get a room) 

Now the games are gonna beggin actually  I was like is this a false start..  

Oh its Happening...  

Whats the point of throwing Marcus pretty much dead in like that... 

Who is Lucky Flickerman  and this guy with the camera in there faces...

What in the actual were those Parachute gifts...  

Guess there are no trackers on them... 

How in the hell. Did  Sejanus get in the arena... Why are you making Snow go and get him... Grow some and get in there your self...  I just defended Snow whats wrong with me... 

Snow actually Killed a tribute... what the....

Why is guy from 11 Making a morgue.... 

Laughing a little  when other tributes grab the gifts 

Oh a little Jealous of Lucy Gray and her District partner 

Okay did I really just read the words STAR CROSSED LOVERS.. your killing me here..

OH wait.... Okay that was kinda sweet.. What the mentor for the male of District 12 did to save Lucy... 

Well that Alliance is over... 

Rat Poison.... 

District 11 your no fool... 

So let me get this you can only send gifts if you can see them where the hell are all the cameras... 

Really messing with the snakes so they don’t attack Lucy... ugh... so you can win the prize to pay your way... Pops another bottle  

Lucy Gray looks like this snake whisper.... 

This morgue is weird... 

I like my town with a little drop of Poison...  

How the hell did she Poison that pond... 

Well Lucy gray is the winner... ( As expected..) 

Oh shit now Snow is in trouble...  

And how in the hell he got approved to be a peacekeepr in district 12... 

Okay it is kinda sweet he is going after someone he loves...

Snow  one step in District 12.. Oh my god air nature get me outta here... Me rolls eyes.... 

Thank god  Sejanus is here. 

Are you are you coming to the tree... 

Snow sees one Mockingjay and is like Oh hell no...  Me Katniss Everdeen .... 

Maybe once he sees Lucy he will change   

The only Days free is Sunday .... 

The Hob really... 

trading  Sejanus Ma’s goods... 

Hmmm they are kinda looking like the peacekeepers from 12 around Katniss’s time... Kinda chill.. 

Okay Maude Ivory shes cute.. The Covey Love them.. 

When you think oh they are finally going to meet face to face again Bam... Billy Tate and Mayfair Lipp ruin it..  ‘

You really went to the bakery...  HELLO DARKNESS MY OLD FRIEND.. 

During this point I thought Snow you have seen how food  doesn’t come by really good here....WHY HAVEN’T YOU FED THEM BETTER IN THE 65 DAMN YEARS.. .

Really  from the seam...  ( Starts to make a list of every possbile place that Belongs to Katniss Everdeen) 

Not only does Snow Find Lucy Gray in the medow ( Deep in the meadow) But with a goat too...    ( adds it to my list)   and shes Sing the song she wrote the hanging tree...  adds to my list....

And now they start making out/ Which basically almost ends up in make out session every single time they meet up..  ( Now i was okay with this since I am sucker for a love story)

Did Lucy Live in the same house as Katniss did....  

Snow also realized real fast how the Districts don’t watch the games too much...

Billy whats his last name and   Sejanus hmmm  Hiding a map but wait Snow saw it... That could of happened smoother...

Snow has this plan to Kill the mockingjay.... ( Sweetheart that didn’t work 65 years later).... 

They go to the lake in the woods on a sunday no less... damn 3 things to add oh my god Katniss everdeen list... 

Snow literally 2 seconds into the woods oh hell no... ROLLS EYES... 

Now your swimming in the lake and in the “house” Keeps writing down)...   and the Deep in the meadow song is sung... I am going to need a bigger piece of paper.. 

Finds Katniss plants... now at this point i am not surprised... 

Gets approval to Kill the Mockingjays because they care me BIG WOOF....

Trapping the jabberjays... why is snow so interested... Oh shit the scientist knows me.. 

Sees Lucy again at singing at the hobb but he has a little before the show if you know what I mean.. then he notices Sejanus  sneaks out ( which he clames he was going to the bathroom... which was  a lie) 

Maude Ivory is Wearing a buttercup dress... whats next Primrose  is gonna make an apperence... 

Snow really looking threw  Sejanus stuff... ( I was so like hes gonna take the money and run) 

Sejanus oh my dear Sejanus He played you like a fool ... He recorderd the whole damn thing... at least he cannot get worse then that... your kinda like the idiot in those movies that lays out the whole evil plot to someone to only 10 seconds later get caught for it....

What the actual BEEEP happened in that shed.. Please let this be the first and last gun Snow ever gets his hands on... 

The fact that Maude Ivory found the bodies is not okay... 

The gossip at the BASE is gold.. 

At least snow felt Guilt for his killings... 

are you are you coming to the tree 

Well  Sejanus Sorry to see you go..

Now a little make out session at the commarders party when the Covey sings...  She really wrote a song for him okay thats kinda sweet.. 

Now  Lucy asks Snow to run away with her.... ( Writes this down) And he says yes... he literally didn’t make it five miles...  but then he found out he passed a test the day of but attemps to run away with Lucy... but....  

Before this tho Snow sends all of  Sejanus Money to trigis ( oh yeah i forgot to add basically they are loosing there place) 

Now in the Woods...

5 seconds in snow is like oh hell no....

Lucy Figures out that Snow is the reason  Sejanus is dead... 

Lucy  says shes gonna get katniss plants and then she get the hell outta there this is after Snow finds the murder wepons... 

Snow gets bitten by a snake... ( Sips wine) 

Who in the hell Let Coriolanus Snow touch a gun...   he is shooting left and right... 

Lucy Grey GAME ON.... ARE YOU ARE YOU COMING TO THE TREE.... and then bam gone...

My reaction to those events was what the actual hell did i read there.. Oh it gets better... 

So snow makes it back thinking hes gonna die from a non poisnous snake bite... and hes outta district 12.. But back to the captiol to where Dr Gaul said you passed the test...  

Now here is the part I literally almost threw my book... 

When Snow used  Sejanus Parents to his full advantage... never telling them oh he is the reason there one and only son is dead.. and Basically the parents “Adopt snow..” pay for his schooling now, makes sure he is well fed and dressed..” I was beyond pissed at this point...  

So now my last point Snow said the games must go on which duhh ( since we meet Katniss everdeen ) and that they will be better and everyone must watch... and more twists and turns in it...