#i did sell these for a while but it was too stressful haha

[hleamii]

This was my greatest triumph in my cursed food dice making phase. I made these about three ish years ago and posted them to Reddit at the time, but now that I'm back on Tumblr I wanted to share them again here! They're made out of UV resin for the sauce and polymer clay for the beans. ^^

[cursedcola]

I loved the ask about them watching you sleep with a plushie! Could you do the same with Azul, Vil and Jamil, please?

A/N: At last, it is time to wrap up this series. Many months later after I completely forgot about it lol (but who says there is a time limit on progress? Not me). I hope you both like this conclusion!

Azul and Trey can be found in pt. 2. Everyone else is below the cut!

Links: pt.1 ; pt. 2

Jamil Viper

A heart

There’s nothing like a morning run to boost morale!

Or in Jamil’s case, his sanity. The time he spends at clubs and doing athletics has become his outlet over the years. A place to vent his frustrations without having to do so verbally. If he doesn’t get these moments then he would have snapped long ago

It’s also important to keep your mind and body healthy. The last thing he needs is Kalim outdoing him while he wasn’t holding back - that would be humiliating

Which is why he is mildly sympathetic when you ask him to let you join in occasionally. A basketball match here, a jog there, a hike once in a while, maybe some footwork practice for dancing at future events. You merely want some fun outside of your usual chaotic life that has zero chance of getting you expelled. He gets it.

Please stop rambling in his ear. He isn’t going to say no but you’re stressing him out

If it was anyone else he would have instantly declined. For you? He agrees, but for more selfish reasons than your health

He just wants to see your ‘friends’ suffer with their precious prefect taken away. If you’re with Jamil then he demands your full focus. If this was a game, no side characters are allowed in his love events

He doesn’t wan’t to share teehee and it is absolutely gratifying to watch your little first year possey deflate in rejection. All because you’ve set aside time for him and no one else

It gets better. He gets your attention and free entertainment. Anyone else messing up a two-step move on the sixth time would annoy Jamil to no end. You can keep it up though. He gets to show off and watch your cute expressions of defeat after each mishap

Which eventually leads to him smirking with his arms crossed in pride once you succeed. You’re utterly exhausted but having fun - it’s endearing. Not that he’d tell you though haha

Those moments were definitely pique. At least he thought as such

Now Jamil is reconsidering. After one exceedingly long late-night jog, he questions if he’s possibly been pushing you too far. You were late to breakfast and obviously sleep deprived. You weren’t responsive enough to stop Kalim from tackling you to the floor, with your apologies afterwards being slurred

A quiet guilt gnaws at him until lunch, and Jamil decides to seek you out

You don’t show up to lunch, and half-way in he grumbles under his breath to check your previous classroom

Guilt fades to a warm fondness when he finds you asleep at your desk. Two blazers hang off your shoulders and he reflects on an iconic heartslabyul duo missing their coats in the dining hall

He scoffs, peeling them off of you and tossing them on a nearby desk. Underneath it all, you clutch a hideous red heart plush as a makeshift pillow

He has no clue where it came from. Sam surely did not sell something so cringeworthy. Or was it a present? Maybe. It has a small face etched in that sends shivers down his spine. It stares into his soul, mocking him, and he’s tempted to toss it in the discarded coat pile as well

Jamil resists the temptation, and instead shrugs off his own jacket to lay over your shoulders. Then he shuts off the lights and heads back to lunch, daydreaming of the fit your ‘friends’ will throw when they see their coats tossed aside

“The classroom is for learning, not for sleeping…Ugh. I guess there is no helping it. I’ll be back for this later,”

Eventually they will know their place. If the jacket isn’t enough, he’ll have to replace that heart somehow. Maybe with a scorpion. Yes. A scorpion.

Vil Schoenheit

I don’t even know anymore

Vil is not afraid of anyone. Not the thugs lingering outside his modeling shoots, or the woman screaming at the barista in front of him at his favorite café. He will talk them down to be smeared shit underneath his shoe in no time

He has a way with words. An infuriatingly charismatic way that is melded together with an insane level of stubbornness to get his way

No one can deny him. No soul has ever tried, until you.

And no, we are not discussing his overblot or the way you have influenced him.

No. We are discussing you and that thing that follows you everywhere.

Not Grimm, though the resemblance uncanny in Vil’s opinion

Vil’s winning streak was destroyed by that monstrosity of a stuffed demon that you insist on holding every night. With its matted fur, glazed over stare, and tail that clings to its body by a thread. He has tried to weezle it away from your clutches on multiple occasions. Offering you much cuter alternatives and even going so far as asking Rook to try and “put it out of it’s misery”

Yet you persist

He still remembers when you first met that thing. Little did he know his worst nightmare would come to be that day.

After much insistence, Vil convinced you to join him for a date. He was willing to take you anywhere. Be it a fancy resteraunt or to a private cinema - name it and it would be done

……

And of all the things. You chose some desolate no-name buffet. The food wasn’t even appetizing! If you wanted burnt fried chicken and soggy potatoes then Vil knows of much more…ugh, sanitary…places

He toughed it out for your sake, filling up on safe choices like salad and fruit as you ate your fill. It wasn’t so bad. He was able to ignore the fighting family of 5 sitting behind you both if it meant you could have a pleasant conversation over a meal. So long as no one recognized him. That would be awful.

He remembers how your eyes trailed to the claw machine game that was shoved in a far corner. You obviously wanted to play, and after the twelfth time he couldn’t ignore it anymore.

Being the gentleman he is, Vil offered to win you something - instantly regretting it upon realizing that he would have to touch the aged machine. A thin layer of dust sat on the joystick and -

And you really wanted the stuffed jellyfish inside. So he sucked it up and grit his teeth, pulling a glove worth more than the machine itself out of his pocket and praying it would protect him

A few tries and he is struggling.

Vil did not expect to touch one of these ever in his life! Why. Whywhywhy of all the things you could want from him did it have to be one of the few he never gave a single thought?

He wouldn’t accept defeat. It got to the point where he needed to win more for himself than for you - and after many tries, he did. Just not the jellyfish

No. He won the most ugly thing that could possibly exist, and you loved it. The moment it hit the drop box he was panicking because the claw grabbed it on accident. He was humiliated from spending well over an hour on the machine only to get you something so hideous…and you loved it.

You named it

Frab. Backwards for barf, since it makes Vil want to vomit.

Long after your date, he was still crushed. Still reliving the horrors of the day and trying to salvage it with a night of films and skin care. Then in the morning he could find another plush to give you. He will make one if he has to!

Yet you chose to sleep with that thing. Holding it close to your chest, it’s beady eyes boring holes in the back of his head as Vil tries to shirk away from it’s gaze. He could not even admire you! Not without it reminding him of his failures. Why did he pay both time and money for a stuffed cockblock

The morning is no different. You bring it to breakfast and he has to live in shame as you flaunt it to his dorm-mates

The rest is history. Attempt after attempt, day after day, night after night - you would not let it go.

“Dearest, I beg of you, please get rid of that disaster! It haunts me! I cannot stand it!” He breaks one night, relenting to his many passive losses and resorting to begging.

You smile, lifting the doll and patting it’s head, “but frab is cute! And you won him for me. Yeah he’s a bit rough around the edges but you worked hard for him. I love him like I love you…”

Oh you are rotten. Vil also plays dirty and was ready to pull the whole “if you love me then you will dispose of frab”…but you beat him too it

Vil sighs, upset with how he has influenced you and your charisma. Reluctantly he reaches out and gives Frab a pat on the head…it’s a start.

Jack Howl

Cactus plush

Jack is not the most adept when it comes to romance. You (unfortunately) got a front row seat to his short comings back when a ghostbride decided to host a wedding on campus

He still has not emotionally recovered from that disaster

Even so, he wouldn't go so far to say that he is hopeless...right? He managed to sort his own feelings out, and if his observation skills are right then he is confident that you feel the same

....if not, what he is about to do is going to embarrass him much more than failing to woo over a ghost

Your anniversary was coming up. NO! Not that kind (pfft he wishes), but your anniversary for coming to twisted wonderland. Summer breaks is nearing it's end, and soon he'll be back on campus as a sophomore.

Jack hasn't seen you since the end of freshman year. Sure, there have been calls and a bit too many texts on his end - but it's different from being in person.

and if he hasn't visited...Jack bets that no one else has either. Which means that you've been alone on campus for weeks by yourself

That doesn't sit well with him. At all. Yet he couldn't bring himself to invite you to his home without feeling bashful

His siblings noticed that he would sometimes lose focus while playing sports or when they were together - which is not like Jack at all. When he is with anyone, they will have his attention.

They crack his shell, and pity their brother. So they suggest that he make a grander effort to spend time with you this year beyond helping out with whatever mess you're dragged in

Hence, your anniversary. Sure, it was his and everyone else's too as returning students

but you're special

Who knows if you'll be coming back next year, y'know? He just wants you to know that you're appreciated and that he appreciates you being here

He picks out a plush after realizing that he doesn't know much about your likes despite being friends. He needs to fix that.

So he picks one that he thinks would suit you. A little cactus with a smile...cute. Small and inviting, kind of how you appear to him

He blushes at the thought and quickly pays for it. Then he wraps it with some candies from his hometown and a blanket for your dorm.

When Jack steps through the portal to NRC with his bags in tow, he's shocked to see you there. You're caught up in a conversation with Ace and Deuce, but you turn towards his way the second he catches sight of you. Like you had a sixth sense

His chest tightens when you're quick to pause your conversation and run up to him. He expects you to stop but you continue onward, and he drops his bags to catch you in a hug

"WOAH!"

"Jack! I've missed you so much! How was your break?" you break the hug in a swift movement, not giving him a chance to process it or respond. All he sees is your happy eyes looking up at him, and he short circuits

"I- uh...uh....uhm... it was good,"

"Just good?"

"Yeah,"

'Yeah? They hug you and all you can say is 'yeah'?' he thinks, and is quick to shove the wrapped present in your hands

The way you beam at the gift - he won't forget it. Not in the next decade. Neither the way you hug the plush or pop one of the candies into your mouth with a satisfied hum...or how your eyes glaze over as you thank him

"I'm happy to be here, but knowing you're happy too makes it even better. Let's have a great year, Jack"

His job is done, and he bids you farewell before his heart explodes

He greets his other first year friends as well and decides to ignore the 'where's my present??' jokes from the more 'fun-loving' members *cough*Ace*cough*Grimm*cough*Ruggie

Later that night as Jack is settling in, he gets a message on his phone.

Ace Trappola: You can thank me later. *IMG attatched*

Jack huffs, and debates on clicking the image link all together.

Deuce Spade: Open Ace's image. It's not a prank. You're welcome.

Alright. He gives up-

It's you, asleep on the floor of what looks like Ace and Deuce's shared dorm. Wrapped up in the blanket he gave you and holding tightly onto the stuffed cactus. There are drawings on your face and they're likely curtesy of your bunk-mates for the night. You must be in a deep sleep

Jack smiles at the picture, and has an internal debate on if it's considered an invasion of your privacy to be seeing this

Jack Howl: They are going to kill you tomorrow

Ace Trappola: Not if they kill you first

Jack Howl: I will show them these texts

Deuce Spade: Don't! Please!

Ace Trappola: Suuuuure, and then they'll know you have that picture ;)

Jack Howl: .....

Deuce Spade: Jack?

Ace Trappola: Dude? You good?

Jack Howl: ...I am not protecting you from their wrath. Goodnight.

Ace Trappola: DUDE! AFTER ALL WE JUST DID FOR YOU?!

Deuce Spade: TRAITOR!

Ace Trappola: ANSWER US!

Jack silences his phone, choosing not to save the picture out of respect. Not that he'll forget it...but at least this way only two people will have hellfire rained down on them in the morning.

Leona Kingscholar (Y'all are established partners in this one)

Killer duckie

It happened during TW's annual spring Spelldrive competition.

Compared to back when you both first met, this tournament is less large scale. There are no reporters and it’s more for the students than the publicity. Every spring one of the well known colleges of Twisted Wonderland would host a gathering for the members of clubs and sport teams to compete in friendly competition. Social networking, y’know? This year had RSA as host.

Leona never had much interest in it before. If there was nothing to win then why waste his time? To talk with a bunch of nobodies? He’ll pass, thanks. Last year he opted out before being asked. He planned to do the same this time around…until Malleus entered the picture.

NRC has a large Spelldrive following, especially with all the new freshmen. Which is why only the ‘best’ players would be sent to represent the school this year. There still is no prize - but Leona refuses to stay behind if Malleus goes. Not on his pride.

And not with you going alone. Grimm threw a tantrum about how RSA should be “honored” with his presence and athletic talents. Eventually he won a spot as the team’s “stand in” in case someone got injured, and as his other half you would be going

Now that’s two strikes. He doesn’t trust those RSA brats at all, and Leona will be damned if you spend three nights clinging to the Fairy King while he’s not there. Headmaster Crowley knew this would be the outcome and purposefully backed Leona into a corner (why else would they even humor Grimm competing in an official competition?)

Fast forward and Leona begrudgingly goes. The moment you stepped through the portal his tail instinctively snagged around your wrist. Not even five minutes on campus and he’s already ready to go home. It stinks of high egos here and who knows what annoyances could happen. At least you can’t get lost this way

RSA students watched from the sidelines as everyone came through the portal, and there were teachers directing students to their room and board

Prof. Vargas handed you a room key, and Leona blanched when he heard that you both will be sharing a room. He does not share….okay, whatever. Fine. He doesn’t trust anyone else to room with you anyways.

Aka. Malleus conveniently appeared to say that he had spare room, and Leona was not accepting that. He just pulled you along by the wrist and grabbed your luggage with a grumble

Spelldrive wouldn't be played on the first night. It was reserved for eating, socializing, and networking between all schools in TW. Leona wanted no part of it, and planned to go to sleep the moment you got in your room.

Once again, you push his patience. Ruggie can bring dinner so just stay put where he can keep you out of trouble, just this once.

You don't, and he almost turns his back on the closing door - until he caught ear of some RSA students inviting you to dinner

.....

Leona allows you to drag him around campus for the remainder of the day. Not a second goes by that he does not complain, be it about the décor or the noise of the students. He only shuts up when you threaten to send him back to the room alone. Barely anyone approached you both during the RSA campus tour due to the aura of aggravation radiating off of him

Needless to say that he is relieved when the night comes. He collapses onto the bed and buries himself in the pillows

"You didn't have to follow me around all day, y'know. This is your own doing," - you say in a teasing tone, grabbing your night clothes to change in the bathroom

He emits a warning growl and peers an eye out from his pillow, "keep talking. As if I haven't done enough for you today," he says, and as the seconds tick by he finds it hard to stay awake

He blinks, and suddenly the room is dark. There is no light coming from the bathroom and instead moonlight shines in from the curtains. A blanket he did not have on him prior pools at his waist when Leona sits up to look around.

He must have fallen asleep

The sound of even breaths catches his attention, in addition to an extra weight tugging on his arm

To his side, you lay underneath the covers. Peacefully dreaming with one arm wrapped around his and the other curled around a stuffed duck

Huh. Prey cuddling with prey. Funny.

Is that a knife? His eyebrows draw together and he pokes the plush. It looks back at him as if to say "wish you were me, don't ya," and yes. Yes, Leona is getting jealous of a goddamn stuffed toy.

He runs a hand through his hair with a tired sigh and releases some of his braids from their confinement. Then he sits up against the bed's headboard, and frees his arm from your grasp.

You squirm in your sleep as if to protest, and he settles for letting you hug his waist instead. The sun begins to rise through the curtains, and Leona begins to dread yet another day of being forced to socialize

His hands rub soothing circles on your back, and he's hoping to keep you asleep at least through breakfast. Maybe the day won't be so bad if this is what awaits him at night...

Heck...he might come again next year. Only if you do as well, of course.

Ace Trappola

classic teddie

Relationships? Ace? Pah. Never again

One time was bad enough. Why would he willingly toss himself into another? It would take a mind-blowing event to make Ace even tinker with the idea of willingly giving up his time for something like that

All he needs are his friends. His mates. His chums. His brochachos. His amigos. His...ugh. Point made. He likes things as they are.

Don't tell anyone, but he does have favorites among his friends

There is Deuce, who sometimes get on Ace's nerves but always has hic back

And Sebeck, who is by far the most fun to mess with. He's the biggest sucker for pranks and Ace can get away with absolutely no effort in tricking him

He has definetly pulled the 'what's updog?' joke on Sebeck and succeded...many times. It never gets old.

Then he has his dorm mates...Riddle is a pain in the ass but is the reason Ace hasn't failed a test. So there's that...

Ace also has you. An unfortunate package deal with an ankle biter who demands tuna every five seconds, but you're not so bad.

Gullible enough to be pranked, serious enough to bail him out of trouble, reliable enough to rely on, and cool enough to match his vibe. Yeah. You are definetly up there in his top three homies

Homie...friend...brochacho...so what is this feeling in his chest?

When you both walked into class that morning there was a stuffed teddy bear sitting on your desk alongside a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates. You gasped in a mix of surprise and delight at the sight; yet, Ace felt something churn in his stomach. A feeling familiar...jealousy? No way

There was a small note attached to the bear reading 'From your secret admirer,' that earned a laugh from you both. Yours was lighthearted, almost whimsical. Ace's? Strained. Awkward. Annoyed.

Luckily you interpreted this as him being upset that only you received candy, and so you offered Ace a piece. He accepted it yet couldn't bring himself to eat

For the duration of lecture he remained distracted, eyeing the piece of candy that was sitting on the corner of his desk. He was not catching feelings. This would pass. It had to.

It, in fact, did not.

You had promised to join Ace in his room to play video games together that night, yet you never showed. He waited until the clock struck curfew and yet you did not send a single text or call

Ace, being the hothead he is, assumed that you went off to find this 'secret admirer,' and stormed out of his dorm despite the late hour. If you were going to stand him up for some rando, then you could at least let him know!

He shows up at your dorm and bangs on the door. Moments pass yet no one answers...so he sneaks in through the window. He knows they don't have latches.

He's mentioned it to you time and time again, yet you never fixed them. Welp. Time to learn the hard way sweetie

He gets in through the kitchen easily, and notices flickering light coming from the living room. So...not only do you ditch him but you also ignore his knocking? He is f u m i n g

"Oi! You have sooooooo much explaining to do-ah"

There you lie, clocked out in a deep sleep on the couch and surrounded by textbooks. You must have fallen asleep while studying...

Ace clamps a hand over his mouth, and the lights shut off completely. From the corner of his eye he sees a flash of white disappear through one of the walls. Those trickster ghosts you live with must have messed with the lights to lure him

He'll deal with them later. For now, he is focused on the innocent teddie bear sitting comfortably in your clutches and the half-eaten box of candy on the table

The feeling from before returns. Nauseating jealousy that makes him want to take the stuffed toy and chuck it in the nearest pond

Ace can't do that though. You'll be so angry with him....crap, he sighs and moves to sit next to you on the couch

Ace narrows his eyes and scrunches his nose before flicking the bear on it's head. It's ruining your beauty.

....

.......

"Ah, fuck it"

Maybe there is room in his life for both friends and...something else.

but before anything, that bear needs to go.

[alicenpai]

🌟

anime north 2023 con report

finally posting this - thank you to everyone for a wonderful anime north!! \o/ this con prep season was the longest ive ever prepped for a con, and i think it was the busiest con for me ever. it makes me so happy to see people taking my art home!! 😭

so thank you for coming by anime north and chatting and supporting me! and thank you esp to the people who came by gifting their own merch?!??? - either fanart or ocs?! and im honored to see your beautiful ocs?!?? what the hell you guys are the GOAT thank you all 🥹🥹

it was so busy that i wish i had time to walk around & talk to other artists! i really wanted to get dango and onigiri at the delta too.. didnt really get time to eat so im sorry if you saw me shove 10 timbits in my mouth at the end of the con. yes i really did that .

throughout the con i kept saying "he just like me.. HE JUST LIKE ME FR!!!!!!!" every 5 seconds like an NPC. im sorry if you had to hear that more than once.

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i wasn't able to post my con catalogue for AN on tumblr and instagram... i was so busy.. dying... maybe if i do other cons this summer ill post something similar. i had a lot of new stuff this year so formatting it was rough haha. here it is! more thoughts under the cut (bc this report really is more for me, but maybe someone can find something useful)

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this is more for me honestly, so it will be really long. but i'm sharing it in case it may be helpful for others. i find that i'm always looking back at my old con reports, so typing out all of my thoughts are really useful to me. overall a great con, fellow artists and customers alike really inspire me to do better in my art.

comparisons to last year: (since i didn't end up making a con report last year!!!!!)

location: the artist alley layout was huge, and im really happy there are a lot more newcomers to the con scene. i know how much my first con experience meant to me, so i want others to join in on the fun! i don't know how the artist alley staff managed to fit so many artists in the building now! we got placed in a corner where there was a lot of breathing room, and a lot of traffic. i got lost a few times (didn't actually have time to walk around, but you know, it was to get in and out of the con centre and to the washroom/water station) because the amount of tables was overwhelming however, and the layout was super confusing. however i didn't feel as if there were any significant bottlenecks in traffic when i was taking some walk breaks.

commissions: last year it was still busy, but i still had some time to draw a handful of commissions. this year was a non stop barrage of customers! i think i may retire on the spot commissions at cons, just because ive always found it too stressful to draw right at the con, even if the traffic is slow. (and im lazy)

fandoms: last year i felt that it was... never so difficult to sell niche and old fandoms...? most people bought primarily 3 things from me at AN 2022, and not much else was touched. it was a struggle, and i even wondered if my art plateaued, if it wasn't good, if i should stop doing conventions altogether, at least for a little while. this year was so surprising with how much love there was for old and niche fandoms. two people from quebec came by and noticed the old fandoms and mentioned that if i was able to come to otakuthon, i should, people in mtl love nostalgia.. i'm gonna be honest otakuthon was pretty bad expenses-wise for me, but i heard it picked up since cons came back in 2022. it is a really beautiful city so mayhaps.. i will come for miss montreal.................

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and a separate section on the new merch i made:

the new sticker sheets i printed (one piece, baccano, breaking bad/better call saul) did so well! nts to add luffys scar bc apparently i forgot... ive seen this dumbass's face for hundreds of eps and yet i still forgot .

these are a far cry to the sticker sheets i designed in previous years. many sticker places restrict you on how many stickers you can place on a sheet due to spacing requirements... the more stickers you have + the closer they are, the higher the margin of error, which i understand is why many professional sticker printers have these restrictions in place.

the artists i worked with for my AN stickers are so genuinely nice and accommodating with my requests. I just went wild haha. the sheets with the most stickers are brba/bcs at 27 stickers and one piece at 32 stickers.

2021 (top) vs 2023 (bottom), the chara stickers on the new sheet are larger & 2x as many item stickers! the new design makes greater use of the space. my octopath 1 stickers are meant for planners but you could use it for anything!

in 2017 i could only realistically fit 6 ish stickers on a sheet (for vinyl, not cricut home printing) due to printing restrictions. these costed about $3.30 CAD per sheet from s/ticker/mule (not worth it for the price point AT ALL... but i wanted to try sheets for the first time)... and yes it's a tiny 4x7 as well. it was a hard sell for $7 in 2017. but im glad artists have been pricing them a bit higher + sheets have become much more customizable.

now on to charms:

i am so obsessed with this borderless charm look on the new charms... they look like candy... thank you guys for loving my new charms!! i tried out a new technique with designing charms. and im so happy with how they turned out. the charm manu was super accommodating and they are so much better than vograce who fucked up my order so bad in 2022 🤡👍

the soul eater charms from last year were kind of a precursor to this. last year i tried something a bit different than my usual with the transparent bgs, which require full bleed in the file setup, and that was already pretty new for me. i find that charm sales are usually pretty mid for me, so during the pandemic i took a soft break from making them, and i wanted to do research based on others' designs and really tried to improve my design sense. to me i want to design charms that aren't just a flat piece of artwork that gets printed, but something that utilizes the capabilities of the acrylic material it gets printed on 🤔

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fandoms/merch types i want to try next time i table:

more soul eater? it's one of my favourite animes and im very happy for the soul eater love this year. my partner kept selling out of her soul eater prints even though it was her first time tabling!

fma! ive been rereading AND rewatching it lately. it's one of my top 5 anime of all time so me drawing anything for it is a struggle, the bar is set so high. i never end up having the time or ideas to draw anything for it (and the aesthetics are very different from my usual taste)

shadows house has been one of my favorites recently!

dungeon meshi, the print i made was back in 2018 and i think it's time to retire it! it sold out at AN, thank you! with the way the story has developed in the last 5 years, i really want to draw something new for it if i can.

blue period needs more love!

golden kamuy.....

and many more.....

i also want to try mini prints maybe...

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administrative stuff:

next time before the con, i definitely need an organized chart i print out before the con so im not.. literally writing down each transaction... 🧍‍♀️

clamps...?

possibly new display? grids even with plastic panels are heavy... and they can be a pain to put up. this AN we had our neighbors and good friends @nappotuna & @stripeyworm helping us put the grids up, they did an absolute speedy banger job! but it might have taken way longer without 4 hands on the grid work.

if we had used tape to hold our prints up as well who knows how long it would have taken. we used magnets, apparently a lot of people were using them at TCAF. they were so easy to put up and adjustable. *jesse pinkman voice* MAGNETS, BITCH!!!!!!!

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merch i may shelve/do less of:

i really appreciate when artists talk about these kind of things behind the scenes... when products do well, when others dont, products w surprising responses, the factors that we think affect sales... the hard truth is that not everything sells, just bc the art is good =/= good sales, etc etc.

lately ive found it so fun to design sticker sheets over individual die cut stickers!! i understand now why some people only specialize in stickers!! it's also such a pain to stock individual characters and have greatly varying levels, bc of customer interest, and bc of how printing stickers works, you often get extras of random characters due to overflow 😭.. like at some point I had 7 jeannes and like only 1 of the other vnc charas bc the printer had so many extras and she's arguably less popular HDHFJSJHDJS anyways, i think i'll probably do less die cut individual stickers for my next con...

anything old that i only have 1 or a few copies left (meaning i won't reprint) i may not have for display anymore bc of space concerns... before my next con ill just post them on social media to have people claim them!

i may want to do less 3" charms in the future...? theyre a hard sell online prob bc i cant really do deals (i could but id have to be checking the stock every few hours which is not ideal), but they do a lot better in person due to deals.

it's been fun to try specialty products (I've tried scrunchies, stamps, pouches, microfiber cloths, coasters, enamel pins), but i... find they dont sell well for me... maybe my art doesnt have that wide mainstream nostalgic merch type appeal idk... maybe im just not good at designing or advertising them wahahaha. (specialty charms are still charms and i wouldn't necessary consider them a part of this)

my jojo buttons were really popular at anime north 2019 and fan expo 2019, but when the part 5 anime concluded, i noticed that interest for the interest completely moved on 😭 (or it's possible that everyone who was interested bought the buttons already?). part 6 anime didn't rejuvenate the same level of interest. it was a struggle to sell even more than a handful of these at each AN 2022 and 2023. right now they're taking up a lot of space in my con luggage that i'd prefer for newer, better art. i still love the art i did, but unfortunately, i think ill give them a go if i get into otakuthon (and maybe fanexpo too), then it'll be time to retire the jojo buttons. sometimes fandoms come and go so fast, and it's difficult to keep old merch around when they don't have any more interest and when they're occupying a lot of space.

my banana fish lollipop charms do not sell well, and i only sold 5 of them in a 3 year period, across cons and my shop. i created a bargain bin at AN, and it really helped me get rid of old things! unfortunately even in the bargain bin i could not sell a single one of the banana fish charms. maybe it's the art that's not appealing, the characters aren't recognizable, the price point for a lollipop charm was too high, i wasn't hitting the right audience, the market was slow around the time, even when it was included in my promo post... etc. these lollipops were my first time making specialty charms. unfortunately i think that's the last time making lollipop charms, and about time to recycle these charms, so that i have space for fresher and better art!

other thoughts moving on:

maybe go back to simplifying my art a lot more... if i keep making drawings like my great ace attorney tarot + zine, witch hat atelier print, and pandora hearts print, then id not only take 1 month per illustration, id also be destroying my arm 😭 i stopped stylizing my art in 2021 bc i found that my art was getting sloppy in 2020 + i was really struggling in life drawing in school. i needed to buckle down and be more conscientious when drawing poses, learning anatomy and structure... and bc getting back into anime in 2021 really helped me cope with the isolation of the lockdown, so that had a huge influence on my style. but bc of that i think it just took longer and longer to make illustrations and that's something i no longer really wish for.

i really like the period of my art in 2017 with a lot of my persona 4/5 art bc it still has structure even though it's simplified... and the style in my zelda icon... mayhaps experiment a bit more this summer if i can...

[apcthetics]

*˖ ⊹ ────────  lore dump.

this is just a little collection of explanations about where my characters currently are physically, emotionally, career-wise, etc. it's mainly for me to keep myself straight with my ideas and their development but uhhh also to make sense if i drop any of it in a post. that's all ! read or don't read at your discretion ! don't matter to me.

*˖ ⊹ ────────  alistair castillo.

i really don’t imagine his life changes much from day to day to be totally honest………. there is nothing new happening in his life he’s still just being a menace upon new york and giving people sick ass tattoos.

*˖ ⊹ ────────  brady ackerman.

he’s been wound up in a lot of different projects and probably running himself into overdraft; busy filming the next season of his show, and also alongside it trying to finish out a manuscript for the next book he’s supposed to be writing, all while flying all over the world in just a handful of weeks. hasn’t touched down in new york for more than a few days in the past 2 months but hey at least he’s successful right. right guys. right. haha. he's not tired at all. don't look at his dark circles for too long. 

*˖ ⊹ ────────  caleb williamson.

christmas is a pretty big time for his little side gig selling rare records online, so that picked up quite a bit even as his music lessons kind of trailed off as kids went off on winter holiday. it’s also just been rly quiet for him because obviously christmas didn’t go very well as family dinners never really go well at the willamson/michaelson house and then luvena has been either away or rotting in her room so there’s not really been much for him to do if levi and trinity arealso preoccupied (with each other? idk i dont god mod 👀. ) he did do a really successful new years eve show i think that he’s proud of but mainly it’s just been his little side hustle and now as lessons are picking back up.

*˖ ⊹ ────────  clementine bailey.

so clem is still in the process/paperwork of buying the diner, all the bank loans and everything like that but she is now effectively in charge of it which has definitely been ! a big deal ! her and loren moved into a new apartment and clem has yet to even unpack most of her boxes because she’s spending a lot of time at the diner going over all the financials and trying to teach herself how to handle the back end of a business instead of just the front half. it’s A Lot and she’s definitely Stressed and crying a lot and everyone has been getting 3am baked thumb print cookies, but don't even worry about her !

*˖ ⊹ ────────  damien clarke.

christmas is always the best but busiest time of year for retail so i imagine damien has been putting in a lot of extra effort to make sure that it’s special !! he did some big holiday toy drives alongside some local charities, but since the christmas rush has kind of fallen off and times are slower he’s now just trying to get through the pile of bookkeeping and administrative stuff that he needs to worry about. i have been playing with the idea of him running a very limited indie comic publishing thing out of the back office of his shop, having started with the one done by him & honey and now kind of expanding to artists who maybe don’t have the funds or ability to afford printing and stuff themselves but………… idk the logistics of that yet so it’s definitely just an idea in his head that’s in the early stages. he’s having fun with it. honestly he's having a great time.

*˖ ⊹ ────────  eli russo.

again i don’t think his daily life has much variation. working security at a show venue a few evenings a week and still coaching the Youth ™ w/ boxing a few days a week… sometimes he does do like 14 hour days which is a bit unfortunate and his schedule is all over the place which is bad for the brain that can barely remember what day it is on a good week but you know!!! his memory has been slightly improving thanks to all of the puzzles & all that stuff!!! so like good for him!!! go off king!! 

*˖ ⊹ ────────  elijah guiterrez.

again i just brought him here so i don’t really think things have been particularly outstanding in his life. just him and carmen doing their little school thing idk. he’s working as a TA in among all the other school stuff he’s doing i suppose.

*˖ ⊹ ────────  esther thomas.

lowkey i think she’s started dropping off from doing auditions all together… like she’s so bored of them, and getting anywhere in the snow and cold is rough, so while she hasn’t admitted it to anyone or even necessarily herself she’s just like. not been looking. kind of giving up on her dream but doesn’t want to admit that because then that means her parents were right. but like really she’s resigned herself to the bartending life. otherwise nothing new.

*˖ ⊹ ────────  grace bao.

she’s been stuck in this hellish domestic civil lawsuit at the moment that’s eating up practically all of her spare time because the judge and the defense are assholes and she has gotten competitive about it, alongside all of her Daughter Responsibilities for her parents and their millions of holiday and new years parties. grace does nothing but work, eat, be miserable at charity dinners, work some more, and maybe sleep right now. that’s her whole social life. 

*˖ ⊹ ────────  jackson ruíz.

construction is fairly seasonal work so while he’s still working he’s not as busy as he usually is, and also it’s winter and everything is depressing, so he’s definitely been deep into hermit “i haven’t seen you in a week” mode. especially with giselle kind of flying out to conferences and stuff there hasn’t been much reason for him to get out of his apartment. he’s in a Depression Era but hey ! it happens ! 

*˖ ⊹ ────────  kal sekh.

i think the news of eren’s diagnosis has had quite an effect on kal, especially having to keep it a secret from everyone and also because she doesn’t want as much support for it as he feels like he should be giving, so he’s slipping a little bit into old habits again and overworking himself into the ground so he doesn’t have to rly stop and think about what’s happening. double shifts and insomnia are back baby !!!!!!!!!

*˖ ⊹ ────────  kas peters.

just came out of a period where he had a few different mural commissions going on all at the same time and he was much busier than he’s usually used to so now he is simply basking in the fact that he doesn’t have to worry about funds broke-ass artist bitch but also that he doesn’t have anything to do. just kind of vibing. fucking around with his art in his room. fucking around w/ gabriella’s emotions. you know how it is. no cares in the world for this guy.

*˖ ⊹ ────────  minji kyung.

around new years she had the opening of her studio !! so she’s been very busy, not really making art but she’s been spending a lot of her time at the gallery/studio. this is a really big change from her because she’s kind of lacked purpose or a project for a really long time that i imagine she’s just really happy and really excited ??? but also probably very daunted because she feels like she doesn’t belong or doesn’t have the skills to do it properly yano. 

*˖ ⊹ ────────  reid baker.

he took a little vacation time off since his work is also pretty seasonal to go back and visit his parents on the farm, but mostly his life has been no different except he’s been shovelling snow off the central park steps instead of just being a glorified gardener. honestly he’s pretty chill he doesn’t have the braincells to be anything except chill.

*˖ ⊹ ────────  sebastián dominguez-herrera.

this bad boy went on tour !!! first it was america, and following that he did a few shows in europe & south america. he’s also been working on his next album in between, but he’s at a bit of a stand still with that one because he isn’t feeling ~ inspired ~ and he’s kind of groggy and thinks he’s sick all the time because all the travelling + the winter that he’s not really used to. drama queen never experienced seasonal depression before and hes getting a little taste of it.

*˖ ⊹ ────────  wren noor.

i think wren is starting to actually reconsider the kinds of things she wants to do with her life and the degree she already has now… i think maybe she’s looking into online courses at other universities where she might be able to finish her masters but also is considering a career change totally… she’s been spending way more time on the roof with her telescope and getting excited about that stuff again as she heals, but definitely is still cautious,,, anyway she's been doing her research.

[hopefulfuturenovelauthor]

Can you do an Eddie Munson hc where the reader finds out she has aspbergers (form of autism’s symptom is obsessing over everything) and Eddie reassures her that everything will be okay?

Hi, I hope you like it, I have posted it once, but I’m posting it again. I did not check for grammar mistakes or anything either. Please do not copy my work.

Eddie Munson x Fem!reader (only referred to as her once (I think))

Head cannons for the reader finding out she has Autism:

The news came as a surprise. It’s not that you thought you were the expected ‘normal’, I mean, the person you are closest with is Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson. It’s just that you were caught off guard.

While your family knew once you did, it was up to you and your decision to tell your friends. You knew they would take it well, you just didn’t want them acting differently or weird around you, fully knowing they would only ever try to help you, but you couldn’t stop thinking about how everything might become more awkward than it already was.

There was one person you wanted to tell, but at the same time didn’t, strictly because you didn’t want your dynamic to change. Not that Eddie would ever want to make you feel uncomfortable, you just only imagined how he might start watching his steps around you, changing his carefree actions entirely, and becoming the sort of person that carefully calculated and even overthought every interaction with you.

You waited to tell Eddie until you convinced yourself that he wouldn’t act any differently around you. You knew exactly where your best friend would be. If he wasn’t selling drugs or playing dnd, he was practicing guitar and learning new songs. 

You knocked on the door to his trailer a couple times since you knew he couldn’t hear you over his guitar. You waited for the music to stop, which it did, and watched as the curtain was drawn back in Eddie’s room as he peered out the window curiously. Eddie’s face instantly brightened when he saw you. He made his way to the door as fast as he could, but you heard him trip and fall over something, before reaching you.

“Hi,” he said once the door opened.

“Hi,” you said back smiling, “you look like you just face planted. It sounded like you just face planted too”

“Haha,” Eddie said, moving aside and letting you in, “maybe I did, not that it matters after all I am perfectly fine, especially now that the wonderful Y/n L/n has graced me with her presence.”

“Very funny, Munson, very funny,” you said, finding your way to his couch before sitting down on it and fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. You had been doing that a lot lately, and it was really bugging you how the stitching would become frayed if you messed with it too much.

Eddie noticed your somewhat nervousness at the moment, “hey, everything alright?” He asked, sitting next to you.

“I-um, yeah, yeah I’m alright, I just, I just need to tell you something,” you look up at him, while he sat there attentively waiting for you to continue. “Recently, recently, I was told that I have autism, and I’ve been waiting to tell people, but I just really wanted you to know.” 

You continued to watch Eddie carefully, “I um,” he cleared his throat, “I already knew.”

“What?!” Your voice raised a bit, not that you meant it too, it was just unexpected.

“No, no, I’m sorry,” Eddie began to ramble, “I should have told you, it’s just when I went to pick you up for school that time you woke up late your mom and I talked and she told me how she was so glad that I was such good friends with you and very supportive with everything going on and how she knew you were stressing about what the doctors had told you and you hadn’t said anything yet so I just nodded and I wanted to wait until you were ready to tell me and I’m realizing now that it was stupid not to say anything and-“

You cut him off with a hug. Eddie slowly hugged back, both of you knowing that you weren’t huge into physical affection or interaction. But you always enjoyed his comfort. “Thank you,” you said into his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” his voice was soft.

“I wanted to tell you sooner, I really did, I just didn’t want things to change,” you told him before leaning back so you could see his face.

“It’s okay, really, you told me when you were ready, and I’m really glad you did,” he looked like he wanted to reach out again, you could tell by the way his hands were gripping his jeans. You took one of his hands in yours as you changed to sit criss cross on the couch. You started to fidget with one of his rings, just twisting it around his finger, playing with the complex and pretty looking piece of metal.

Eddie stared as you played with the ring in his hand, if you had looked up at him instead of the ring you would have noticed the faint blushing that dusted his cheeks.

“It’s been kind of hard lately. With this being my senior year my stress and anxiety has sort of increased out of my control, with the diagnosis it definitely didn’t get any better. I’ve been fidgeting more, stimming too, not that I knew that that was what I was doing before all of this. It’s just been kind of hectic. One minute I’m listening to my favorite song on repeat and the next I’m covering my ears because all the noise is too much. I’ve started baking more just because I find control in measuring all of the ingredients perfectly. It’s just, it’s just a lot that is all starting to make a lot more sense now that I know, but at the same time it’s difficult to know because it makes me feel different, but I can’t help being different and so it worries me when I’ll have even more stressors in my life like college and finding a career and stuff. I just don’t want anything to change.”

“I’m not going to change, and you haven’t changed either. You're still Y/n, you still have an awesome laugh and you have a good ear for music and you can tune my guitar by ear still and you still read and reread your favorite books over and over and you are still the most amazing and incredible person I have ever met.”

“Thank you,” your voice cracks as tears fill your eyes.

Eddie’s smile turns into a frown, “hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing,” you say wiping your eyes and letting go of his hand, “these are happy tears, these are happy tears because you are the best friend in the world and you are so supportive and I love you so much.”

“Aw,” he said, getting teary-eyed, “I love you too.” 

After that, it was much easier to tell your other friends. Nothing changed with Eddie all that much other than he let you fidget with his hands, let you borrow his rings, ‘steal’ guitar picks, and had a tape with your favorite song on repeat in his van.

In fact, unbeknownst to you, Eddie found your need to be doing something with your hands really cute. At campaigns he would instantly smile when you fiddled with your character's figure or your dice. He also secretly loved that you would spin one of his rings you had put on a necklace. 

Eddie would rock out with you to your favorite song, and as always he continued to introduce you to new music too. 

He had already been learning to play your favorite song, but when you guys would hang out at night you would lie on his bed beside him while he played his guitar for what felt like hours. On nights you felt up to it, you would even rest your head on his leg while he played. Each time you always had one of his guitar picks in your hands, moving it between your fingers in the bliss of the moment.

You even ended up making him a necklace with a guitar pick similar to the one that spotted one of his rings.

Eddie hung out at your house just as often as he always had and even helped you bake, which wasn’t always the best idea since he was messy, a little uncoordinated, and loved to throw flour everywhere. 

You and Eddie didn’t change all that much other than your affections for each other becoming a little more obvious. But you were okay with that, it was nice, everything was oh so very nice.

[purplesurveys]

1814

1. Who was the last person you forgave? How long did it take you to forgive them? I haven't had to forgive someone in a while; I don't get in much conflict anymore.

2. Is going mushroom hunting in the woods something that would interest you? No. Don't mushrooms like, run the risk of being super deadly? I don't have nearly enough knowledge about them to identify which ones would be safe to touch and such.

3. What is your favorite junk food? How about your favorite health food? Mozzarella sticks, arancini, pork isaw, French fries. Favorite health food...uhhhhh idk do salad wraps count? Haha they're my favorite thing to get these days! Saladstop has this Caesar wrap that I have probably at least once a week at this point.

4. Are you listening to anything right now? Do you normally listen to music while you take surveys? No, I prefer it to be quiet now. Sometimes I do but most of the time I find it really distracting and I end up taking like, double, triple the time I'd otherwise normally take doing surveys.

5. What were you doing the last time you hung out with a friend? It was well over a month ago but I saw my closest friends for a Christmas gift exchanging + dinner. We were supposed to head to a café after to continue talking, but while walking we saw this vapery(?) - idk what to call it, but it's a coffee shop that also sells vapes and allows you to do so inside - and went there instead and chatted it up with the owners since we were the only customers there.

Reena had to leave after an hour and the vapery was closing soon too, so Angela, Hans, and I went to Anj's house so we could TALK SOME MORE. Hahaha. We only see each other, like, quarterly now, so we're usually stuffed to the brim with stories when we have the time to see each other.

6. Is there anything about you that might cause others to dislike you? I tend to choose who I want to talk to, so those I might not approach may find me aloof and uninterested. It's because I am tbh, lol.

7. Is there anything you’re really particular or specific about, anything that has to be done a certain way every time? I'm very particular at work. I like things presented or explained a certain way; and I have the tendency to either overhaul a Powerpoint if I think it's lacking in how it's been made, or chime in for someone if I think they explain something in a way that I think is poorly.

8. Are there any chores you need to get done today? Just get rid of the mug and glass that's been sitting in my room and wash them.

9. Where was the last place you went shopping and what did you buy? I went to Landmark to buy a pastel gown + heels for the 18th birthday party of a family friend that I'm going to later this evening.

10. What was the last big change you made to your physical appearance? Dyeing my hair back to purple a couple of months ago.

11. Are you more likely to shut people out of your life or try to fix things no matter what? I will cut people off.

12. Where was the last place you went out to eat? Is going out something you enjoy or would you rather cook at home? To Red Keep last weekend just for some little me time. I had a spamsilog and a white mocha, which I had while filling in my journal and reading my book.

I like eating out because I can't cook, but I limit it because doing that everyday for every meal is super unsustainable. Plus with me resigning and not having an immediate job replacement, I'm gonna be a bit of a hardass on myself not to spend much until I can find a new source of income.

13. If you have any pets, do they seem to notice when you’re sick or sad? Not really, but it's okay with me. Kimi though is a different story; he liked keeping to himself but he would walk towards me if he can sense that I'm stressed or close to tears.

15. Is anything you’ve done lately going to matter in a year?  Yeah, absolutely.

16. What was the subject of your last phone call? It was a guy dropping off something at the office and needing to be guided STEP BY FUCKING STEP to get there. I don't have problems helping out people with directions, but I've also just never dealt with someone who needed to be told every turn, every stop, every move... and especially over the phone where I wouldn't be able to see where he was standing haha.

17. Are your hobbies something you’d rather do alone or with others? On my own. I don't like going to museums with someone else just cos it makes me super self conscious? Like I can stay 3-4 hours in one museum alone and I'm also not a big talker when I'm immersed, so I might just end up boring a companion to death.

18. Is there anything about yourself that you’re trying to improve? Trying to be gentler towards my teammates as I know everyone is overwhelmed and tired as it is.

19. What are you doing today? I went to the dentist and had a horrible experience because they were 1 hour late to our appointment; got a big order of flavored fries and corndogs to cheer myself up after the grueling wait; took a nap; and now I'm just killing time before I'd need to get up and prep for the debut I'm attending tonight.

20. What did you dream about last night? I can't remember. But in my nap an hour ago I dreamt that we went to Japan, but it was an overnight stay LOL so I spent more time at the airport than I did in the country.

21. When was the last time you visited relatives? Do you see extended family often? It was during the whole Christmas/New Year timeline when we drove out to see different sides of extended family. I'd say these things happen pretty much only during the holidays, but occasionally in the middle of the year when things end up being planned we'd also visit family then.

22. What was the last relaxing thing you did? Last weekend was a major Chef's Kiss weekend. I'm amazed at how peaceful it felt and the calming effect it had on me. Saturday I went to Red Keep where I dined al fresco, wrote in my journal, and read my book until the sun set and I couldn't read anymore. Sunday I spent the afternoon in UP where I sat under a tree and alternated between people-watching and finishing my book as the afternoon rolled on.

23. Will this weekend be better than last weekend? Nothing will top the past weekend, I'm afraid.

24. When was the last time you were there for a friend? Just the last couple of weeks. Angela's morale has been down what with the pressure of studying for the architecture boards, and I've been there to listen but also give advice if she needs it.

25. Do you have any jewelry you almost never take off? At one point it was the necklace Reena gave me, but it started to itch so I've removed it for now.

26. What are some of your favorite words? Poignant, eloquent, vivacious...and indicted and viscount just because I'm fascinated with how they're both pronounced nothing like they're spelled lol.

27. Do you have any journals from when you were younger? If so, do you ever go back and read them? No I think I got rid of them years ago because they were all pretty embarrassing to me and it's not really something I'd want to keep.

28. Are there any holidays you used to celebrate, but no longer do? I no longer observe Christmas for the Christian reason. I'm just here for the food.

29. What was the last occasion for which you dressed up? A family friend's daughter's 18th birthday party, from which I just came home actually.

30. Is there anything you wish you could say to anyone? I wish you could trust me more because today was very telling of how much you don't, and that kind of stung.

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 2x06 recap

Hahahahaahaaaaaaa get ready for more unhinged fangirling (and just so many words omg)

Also thanks so much to those of you who left replies on the previous recaps, I honestly really love seeing them– it’s awesome to know that you guys are actually enjoying my insane ramblings haha. So please keep sharing your thoughts and I’lll keep sharing mine :P

Honestly I am so happy we’re still on the same day as last ep! Though lbr I desperately wish we could have seen what happened between Garrett accepting the deal and Thony getting home– like how did she get home?? Did she drive back to the cleaning storehouse (I’m going to start calling this Cleaning Ladies’ HQ, or CLHQ for short lol) in the truck with Arman and then he dropped her home on his bike??? Or did Garrett insist on driving her home so he could chastise her about her involvement with Arman?? I mean either option would have been great to watch but lbr I would prefer the former lol. But sigh I guess that’s just going to be left to the imagination. But ugh it hurts to see her so upset– she was so steady and brave in the moment while making the deal, but now the reality is setting in, the feeling of once again being caught in a trap. And oooh it wasn’t until she told Fi just now about helping Arman move drugs that I remembered her reaction to Fi’s plan to sell party drugs for Brandon. Feeling like a bit of a hypocrite now, are we Thony?? And maybe a liar, too, considering she tells Fi that Garrett threatened to deport her unless she informed for him again– bc firstly there was zero mention of deportation (I honestly believe that Garrett is done with that threat, and also that he legitimately did actually intend to let Thony go and just take Arman in for the drugs), and secondly, we all know she begged him to agree to her being an informant, in order to keep both herself and Arman safe. But to admit that to Fi would be to reveal even more about the depth of her and Arman’s connection than the events in the motel did (and that was already plenty) and I honestly don’t think Thony is capable of facing that right now.

Ooooh only one person uses the weird kitchen door, which means Hot Detective Flores is back!  Though as much as I like her, she does nothing but cause me stress haha. I‘m glad that the cops seem to have moved on from Thony as a suspect so quickly and easily– unless part of her reason for coming here and telling them about MMM’s disappearance was to see their reaction– but lbr it does look suss that MMM disappeared so soon after a death at his motel (sidenote, him being missing ‘over a week now’ definitely fits with the expected timeline). But aaaaarghhh I was worried that his disappearance would cause the cops to search his apartment and potentially find more videos– honestly, I’m surprised Arman didn’t look at MMM’s license for his address and then find his keys and go to his apartment to search for any sign of the Chris video. Unless maybe he did??? Honestly he’s savvy enough to think of it, and dedicated enough to protecting Thony that he’d absolutely do it. Ok tbh I am adopting the headcanon rn that he actually did go and do all that after disposing of the body, and just didn’t tell Thony bc he didn’t think she needed to know/wanted to let her just forget the whole thing. But anyway tbh it’s kind of funny to hear Flores say reassuringly “We WILL find out how your loved one died” to the three people who were literally present at/involved in his death lol. But also omg Chris how about you don’t yell “they’ll know I did it!!” literally moments after the detective walks out the door??? God you are such a teenager lol. And ok I love Thony’s certainty in saying that that the cops won’t find the body and that “Arman made sure of it”-- but like is that just her having enough trust in him to know he would have taken care of it, or did he actually tell her what he did with the body??? And if so, when??? Doesn’t this show know that I need to be privy to literally every single conversation and interaction between Armony?? C’mon writers be more considerate of a poor fangirl haha

(Also I forget to mention this every single week but I really love the new title screen thing with the soapy water washing away the red from the lettering like it’s washing away blood, leaving the pure white text behind. This show has such style man) 

My thought process as Arman pulls up to the house on his motorbike: ‘oh hey I stood right by that letterbox thing down at the end of the street! Ok wait so these guys didn’t sell the motorbike or  Nadia’s car, despite the severity of their financial issues? Also what is Arman staring at? Is there some kind of evidence that Robert has been at the house?? Omg wait did Nadia throw his stuff out????’ (*literally laughs in delight as the camera pans over his stuff on the ground lol*). Tbh I had fun pausing to check out his various belongings, and while the childhood pic of Adan is cutest, and the squash racquet is hot (I would watch him play that ANY day), the random lamps are definitely my favourite addition. Like are they sentimental lamps?? But anyway oh my goddddd this is a scene I have been hoping for for a long time, and holy shit Eva is legit giving it her all– hell hath no fury indeed. (ngl I’m giggling a little at the fact that she would have had to yell and throw those clothes right into the camera while filming this lol). But omg “What the hell are you doing??” / “What the hell are YOU doing?? I’m doing what I should have done the first time I laid eyes on you with your cleaning lady”-- honestly I love this line, because it is such a great throwback to the moment Nadia first sees them together in 1x02. (I’m ignoring their first scene all together the morning after the party in 1x01, because she was still drunk and didn’t actually see Thony and Arman interact at all; though mannn her 1x01 line “I like her. Give her everything” is particularly impactful now). But in 1x02, Nadia watches as Arman literally drops everything– leaving in the middle of an important meeting with Hayak and Knight– to disappear with a woman he barely knows, when it would have been far easier for him to get one of their guys to take her to the clinic, or even just tell her to go to a hospital instead. And I gotta mention the next time Nadia witnesses them interact as well; in 1x03 where she watches from across the club as Thony gives Luca’s drawing to Arman, and honestly she’s right with what she said– Thony really does look at him like he’s her hero in this moment, while he looks at her with an almost bashful pleasure, which (if Nadia had seen it) she would probably barely recognise, given how rare it must be for him. That was the moment Nadia started to understand something they hadn’t yet seen themselves, and was partly why she brought Thony to the wedding reception with her, to further observe how they would interact. She’s been watching this whole time, and though she’d tried to convince herself that the connection between them didn’t mean anything for her own relationship with Arman (I’m almost certain there was an interview that said Nadia has slept with other women during their marriage, so maybe they’re ~open), the truth is she’s always known that what Thony and Arman have is different. It's real, and she knows it, even if they don't.

Which is exactly why she calls bullshit when he says “There’s nothing going on between Thony and me. You know that!” And gotta say, as much as I love Arman, I kinda call bullshit too. Though while I can imagine some people would say he’s gaslighting her, I actually don’t agree. (“Gaslighting”: to deliberately manipulate someone by psychological means into doubting their own sanity). I think in Arman’s case, he genuinely believes he’s telling the truth, because to him, ‘nothing going on’ means a) he and Thony aren’t sleeping together, and b) that their relationship isn’t going to progress beyond what it is now. He’s aware of his feelings for Thony, and is also aware that she has some kind of feelings for him (even if he doesn’t know exactly how far those feelings extend), and though there is an undeniable pull between them he also knows that there is a line neither of them will cross, one that exists because of Nadia– especially since everything that happened with the prison and the debt, and how much Nadia’s safety and livelihood now depends on him as a result of that. And so that’s what he means with that line– while he and Thony are connected, that connection will never go any further (despite what Nadia clearly believes) as long as he and Nadia are together.  Hence his frustration– she’s accusing him of having the very thing he so desperately wants, but has denied himself ever having. And he genuinely does try to explain what he’s been doing/make her understand about the plan with the drugs, except she won’t let him (damn at the accuracy of her “you’ll take any excuse to be with her” line though, wow), and then just as he’s about to try to convince her of his dedication to her, he sees the ring, and the devious landmine artfully planted by Robert explodes between them. Because while Nadia sees the reality– the inevitability– of Thony and Arman’s connection far better than he does, Arman sees the truth of Robert’s actions better than she does, and that disparity only serves to push them further apart. But omg the way I gasped when she yells “There is no more us!!!” and he just stares at her because he knows her well enough to see the truth, has fought bitterly with her enough times to see that this is different– that this time it might actually be real, that they’ve passed that point of no return and that their marriage is over. He can’t entirely believe it though, doesn’t dare to; because if it’s real, then she has actually just released him from the obligation he has towards her, from the slowly-growing weight of unhappiness that he has been carrying since even before he met Thony. And the irony of it all is that by leaving him, she has given him the freedom to do what he otherwise never would have done– the exact thing she was accusing him of in the first place: be with the woman he loves.  

Okay so Armony are about to have their meet with Garrett to discuss the plan, and honestly I hate when scenes start with both of them already present! Like excuse me I need to know how long they have been waiting and what they have been talking about and how much they have looked at each other etc??? Like did they deliberately arrive earlier than Garrett so they could work out their plan? Have they been texting back and forth since last night trying to figure it out?? No matter how much this show feeds me (and ngl it feeds me well; see the above paragraph for proof lol) I am always going to want more lol. But ugh they have clearly talked it through together and are presenting their little plan as a duo and basically completing each other’s sentences and I love them. But honestly it confuses me a bit that Garrett starts the meeting by asking how they’re going to use Robert to get Cortes, and then only like a minute later he’s signing up for their plan to use Cortes to get Robert?? It just seemed like a sudden and odd priority shift, bc until this moment it seemed like he didn’t care about Robert (despite Robert’s extensive crime-ing) and only saw him as a means to getting Cortes? But tbh I don’t care lol. I just care about this Armony eye contact and the way Arman looked like he wanted to say something before Thony turned and walked away ugh. I’m gonna headcanon that after she gets in the van, he leans against the passenger door and talks to her through the lowered window, maybe arranging a time for them to meet at CLHQ and unpack the drugs from the van? (Also two sidenotes: firstly I’ve never noticed that little semi-bald patch in Arman’s beard over the right side of his jaw– is there a scar there because I would be very into that. And secondly dude I love the leather jacket as much as anyone, trust me, but it is too hot for you to be wearing it all the time! Take it off before you get heatstroke!! …. And while you’re at it, the shirt should probably go too. Just to be safe lol)

“Now that dad’s back in town you guys can get married!” Omg. I cannot describe my love for this scene, firstly for the near parent-trapping, and secondly for the fact that it literally legitimately felt SO real in terms of how a 12 year old would see and react to this situation. Like oh my heart Jazz is so cute and earnest lol, and Fi and JD were so gentle with setting her straight ugh. Bummer about the JD girlfriend, but eh, I’m sure she won’t last haha. I swear the JD and Fi ship (I’m going for “J-Fi” here because I’m lazy lol) is gonna sail by the end of the season– or at least it better, because I love them already ugh

It’s probably ridiculous that it irritates me that Arman changed the money into a different bag? Like why? Though I guess he had to take it all out of the other bag to count it anyway or whatever (also, where did he do that? La Habana??). But ugh yaaaasss that was such a satisfying power move watching him casually drop a ton of money in front of Robert and see Robert be like that meme of the lady who looks confused with all the mathematic equations floating around her lol. (That was terribly described but c’mon, you know the one.)  Honestly I was so happy for Arman here because not only is he a fifth of the way closer to freedom, but he got to show the guy who thinks he has him completely backed into a corner that there is more to him than Robert realises. Robert clearly does not like to feel like he’s been tricked (which is ironic because he’s literally being tricked right now lol) so he immediately goes to Nadia to whine like the spoiled child that he is. I definitely did enjoy Nadia’s face when she learned Arman had paid off so much– yep, he did try to tell you last night, but you wouldn’t listen! Not that that means she wasn’t justified in everything she said last night, bc she was mostly right– there is absolutely 100% something going on with him and Thony– but to be fair to Arman, she’s wrong about what lines they have or haven’t crossed. But even so, his involvement with Thony doesn’t mean he was lying about selling the drugs, or when he said that he was doing this for him and Nadia (aka, for their freedom from Robert). Two things can be true at once Nadia! 

Lol I love seeing Arman putting two relatively small boxes on the stack while in the background Thony is lugging a box off the truck that is practically as big as she is. Girl has got being self-reliant down to an art form. Ngl my brain is still very confused by the ‘how do they have both the money and the drugs in their possession’ question, but whatever, I‘ll roll with it (just like I’m rolling with Thony’s inexplicable outfit change back to what she was wearing at home last night; maybe the blue shirt got dirty between the meet this morning and now?). But who cares about these things when there’s completely unnecessary Armony touching to scream over??? I love that he holds out a hand to help her get down even though she has very clearly been hopping up and down from that van like a lil’ mountain goat all morning unpacking these meds (I also love that his other hand first covered hers on the box for like a split second before she straightened up ugh). But ugh she doesn’t shy away from him or say she’s fine– she just immediately puts her hand in his and lets him help her. Given that stubborn independence and self-reliance (like mentioned above) are some of Thony’s major character traits, I love to see little moments like this, which show that she is learning to accept help from the people that care about her, even when she already knows she could manage alone. (Bc the whole point is that she doesn’t have to anymore).

And so anyway she lets him help her down, and then ughhhhhhh they just… hold on??? And I say they bc honestly while Arman is more overtly deliberate in keeping that contact, it’s not like he’s preventing her from pulling away– his grip is relaxed, and she could have easily slipped her hand out of his the moment she was on solid ground (and without it seeming weird or like she was trying to get away from him), but she didn’t. Instead she just looks up at him, fingers still curled over his and thumb pressing against his skin, and ugh the way he's looking at her??? His fight with Nadia last night had such a feeling of finality to it, and while lbr he doesn't know for sure that she won’t backflip again and take him back when she calms down, he can’t help but let himself have this moment where he isn’t a man torn between obligation to one woman and love for another– he’s just a man looking at the woman he loves, the woman he could finally have a future with. And he shifts closer like he’s being pulled in by the dream of that future, and maybe she is too bc her eyes flick down to his mouth for just a split second– and then it’s like she snaps out of it, like ‘wait shit nope still married' and pulls back, her neck muscles tensing like she’s literally holding her breath??? And then she turns away for all of a second before she’s like  '......unless….…?' lol and turns back to bring up the elephant in the room (or rather, the belongings in the truck haha), aka the signs of the possible dissolution of his marriage??? How uncomfortable must it be for her to acknowledge them, especially when they might actually mean nothing (she's seen the way Arman and Nadia fight, and yet thus far they’ve always still stayed together), or they might mean that things are really over between Arman and Nadia this time, which would open the door for the beginning (lbr, the progression) of something between the two of them??? But despite the awkwardness, it’s more important to her to make sure he’s okay, and ugh the way he steps closer to her again, his eyes on her face and voice all soft as he thanks her…  Never thought I’d say this, but I’m almost glad for the appearance of Robert and Nadia, because oh man I can’t take this tension and all these unspoken truths. Ngl I did have a very brief moment of insanity when she said “If you want–” where I literally thought she was going to offer for him to come stay at her house ahahaha. I love that she did offer him somewhere to stay, though, because she cares about him and wants him to have a roof over his head.  She’s trying to look after him, because that’s what they do for each other; and only a moment later he’s yet again looking after her by telling her to go into the storage room (presumably to have more cover/be closer to the exit on the other side if she needs to run) and ugh the way he puts his hand on his gun, ready to do whatever it takes to keep her safe. Honestly these two and their mutual care and protection of each other are going to be the death of me. 

Anyway ughhh I am SO into this framing of Armony on one side and Nadia and Robert on the other. This is the shift I mentioned in a previous meta, with the Arman/Nadia partnership being severed and the two of them realigning with Thony and Robert (though lbr Arman and Thony were already very much aligned long before this, lol). I also love the framing of the shots inside the storeroom, with Arman behind Thony and his eyes on her rather than on Robert. I appreciate that Robert actually seems fascinated by the discovery of Thony’s actual profession, and the way his gaze flicks to Arman– whose eyes are still focused only on Thony– for confirmation. I also appreciate that he doesn’t actually sound sarcastic when he refers to her as ‘Doctor’; he’d been actually fairly respectful to her the day before, but there’s a new element to it now– maybe it’s that he feels she’s more worthy of respect now that he knows her profession (in which case, he’s a jerk), or maybe it’s just that he realises that he has underestimated the depth to her and is re-evaluating. Honestly I think she has intrigued him from the start and this has only added to that. But aaaaah I love when people who are used to being the one manipulating others– and who see themselves as the untouchable puppetmaster pulling the strings– get played themselves, and damn Armony did an amazing job at having Robert walk right into their trap. Because of course the man who wants to take everything Arman possesses would never be able to resist taking a chunk of his business away from him. (Though seriously, if one of them had been wearing a wire during this interaction, they would have had enough to hand Robert over to the FBI right away… but I guess that would have cut the episode pretty short haha). Anyway I’m so happy that Arman is now free from his deal to work for Robert (of course, so is Nadia, but lbr we all know that working for Robert suited her just fine). But ugh the look Arman gives her after ensuring her freedom from Robert– see, I told you I was doing this for you too– and the expression she’s wearing like she knows there’s more going on here than she understands, but she just can’t see it yet. I love the moment Armony share after Nadia and Robert leave– “You didn’t tell Nadia the plan?” / “No. That’s why it worked.” because a) it just further reiterates that Armony are their own team now and Nadia is not part of that (he literally let his marriage implode rather than defend himself to Nadia and jeopardise the plan), but also b) it’s gotta have Thony wondering what this little business deal will mean for Arman and Nadia’s marriage, and whether Nadia will let him come home now that she realises what he did to get them free of Robert. And while obviously the potential for Arman and Nadia making up is not at all what we want, I want Thony to realise that it’s not what she wants either. 

But ugh of course Arman is immediately thinking about Thony’s safety and trying to convince her that he should go to the meet with Cortes alone– and of course she refuses and insists on coming with him lol. Tbh her argument about being able to answer any questions about the meds is weak (Arman could literally just call her if any came up), and we know the truth, even if she can’t face it herself. Because she’s almost lost Arman twice now– firstly when Hayak blew up his car a month ago and she spent a horrific week thinking he was dead, and then secondly when Hayak had him attacked in the prison (who knows if she’s actually aware of the third time, aka the prison shower showdown)– and both of those near-misses happened at times when they were separated. Since then, she can’t face the idea of him walking into a situation this dangerous on his own, can’t help but be terrified of what might happen to him– so the only (admittedly irrational) way she can control that fear is to be there too. And maybe she’s hoping that Cortes will be less likely to harm Arman if there’s a witness present, especially a woman– after all, her time in Arman’s world has shown her that there is still honour among criminals; and now, for him, she’s staking her life on it.

But anyway okay I’m confused again– why do they need money from the FBI for the drugs? They had no problem buying the drugs before with their limited funds (after all, they’ve said how cheap they are to buy from Mexico), but I guess maybe this time they’re getting way more? Idk. I love that Thony’s mind immediately went to the opportunity to steal from the FBI and take a cut for themselves (I see you’ve learned a few things, haha) and clearly Arman loved it too– ughhhh the way he just stares at her with such wonder and pride, and then abruptly looks away the moment she looks up at him lol. (Sorry, buddy, but not quick enough. She totally saw those heart eyes, but then again, it’s not like you’ve ever been particularly good at hiding them. Unlike her, who is maybe too good at it….)

Omg when did Garrett and Jefferson become such boyfriends???? “I’m an atheist” “sorry Russo, he’s an atheist” / “You’ve got nothing to worry about boss, we got this” and all the giddy little grins? Like geez guys try to be less like completely smitten newlyweds here haha. (Though lbr it’s super cute and I love it). Also my confusion about this entire Robert/Cortes situation continues, because literally last night it seemed like Garrett was going to keep his little teamup with Thony and Arman a secret– like when he said it was a false alarm and turned Jefferson away– but now he’s told the FBI all about it?? I guess maybe he was just waiting to get a clear plan from Thony and Arman that morning before he took it to Russo? Also lol at Russo mentioning Maya having met Thony– you can immediately bet Maya is going to show up at some point, despite Garrett’s assurances lol. Just like the comments about Thony being in danger if Cortes sees the FBI, and Garrett saying that nothing will go wrong. Famous last words lol…

So is La Habana gonna be like a shared custody arrangement, or…? Lol bc apparently rn Arman gets the office overnight and as soon as morning hits, she’s tossing him out. (That little finger click and gesture to get out? That was hot lol). Also I kinda love the clear way we are being shown the division between them, particularly in these shared spaces of theirs. And I love that this scene further reiterates that she was never just the pretty face around the club– they were both equally the pretty face that lured the customers, and the business sharks running the show behind the scenes. But omg, rumpled grumbly Arman all squished onto that too-small couch?? I love it so much haha. But lbr buddy ‘I didn’t have anywhere else to go’ is a lie, Thony made it very clear you were welcome to her bed… ahem, I mean the bed at the clinic. (Shhhh I can dream, lol). Also I will be 100% honest, I definitely stared at his thighs when he threw back the blanket haha, but I was totally just looking for evidence of the scar that should have been there from the explosion in 1x01. I swear :P But anyhow I actually am so happy about this fight, because unlike their fight in front of the house, this isn’t all fire and anger. The things said then could have been put down to heat of the moment, and the writers could have used this scene to have them talk it out and reconcile now that Nadia knows he was telling the truth about the drugs (even if she still doesn’t know the whole story, and she knows that there’s more to it). But instead the same argument is covered again, but with tiredness and resignation rather than furious attacks. ‘What I did was for us, can’t you see that?” / ”No, I can’t see it”-- honestly I feel like when Arman says ‘us’, he doesn’t mean them as a romantic couple; he means both of them, individually. And he has been fighting to free them both, because he cares about her and knows that being near Robert is only going to be bad for her in the long run. (Plus he just hates Robert and can’t stand the thought of Robert feeling like he’s ‘won’ her). But when Nadia hears ‘us’ she takes it to mean their relationship, their connection to each other. Which is why she doesn’t believe he’s fighting for ‘them’. But lbr these two are doomed either way– bc if they remain under the crushing pressure from Robert, they’ll crack under the strain until they shatter apart. And if they get free of Robert and re-establish the level of financial security they had before, then Arman will no longer have the same obligation to protect and provide for her, and he won’t be able to resist the pull towards what he really wants– a life with Thony.

The comment about the ring was interesting though– like whoever puts it on her hand (or more importantly, who she accepts it from) is laying claim to her? Originally it was Arman, but then the ring became Robert’s, and then he gave it to her– and so by her visibly wearing it, it’s now a sign of her connection to/acceptance of him rather than Arman. And lbr she could have put it away somewhere safe or even hocked it when Robert gave it back, but she chose to wear it, even knowing the message it would send to Arman. But ugh the way their voices get all low and he tells her she’s free of Robert, basically implores her not to get caught in his web again, and she holds back tears as she tells him that she knows that what he’s doing is for Thony. The fact that he stops trying to argue against it– he’s accepted that they both know it’s the truth now– and just tries to warn her in the only way he can that being close to Robert is dangerous, that he genuinely is trying to protect her, regardless of the state of their marriage. But ugh the quiet conviction in ‘my safety is not your concern anymore’ and ‘don’t be here when I come back’– we have seen them have many fights by this point, constantly lashing out at each other and pushing each other away, but always coming back to the safety and familiarity of their relationship– but to me, this is the point where their marriage truly ends. After this, I honestly can’t see the writers giving us scenes where they try to come back from this, aka try to ‘make it work’. I think they are definitely going to continue being in each other’s orbit– with La Habana, Robert, the drug business etc, there’s still a lot connecting them– but it will no longer be as a partnership. As allies, maybe, hopefully; but never again as husband and wife. (At least I really, really hope so.)

Omg I am in LOVE with Fi clearly just rolling with the fact that Thony is going to go undercover to meet a drug kingpin (it’s like that John Mulaney quote of “You know those days when you’re like, ‘This might as well happen’” lol), and aw she even goes all in to find her an outfit and make her look the part. Considering Fi has been the one doing most of the freaking out lately, I think it actually helps her (as well as Thony) to take a turn being the strong one, the one who says it’s all going to be okay. Thony’s feeling out of her depth, and so afraid for both Arman and herself– like I said earlier, maybe in the moment when she insisted on coming, she felt that having the two of them there must surely make it safer; as if even a high-level criminal would hesitate before killing two people (especially including a woman) because it doubles the likelihood of someone noticing them missing or knowing where they were last seen. But now she’s terrified that she might be wrong about that, and even more terrified that it might be her messing up somehow that gets them both killed. She insisted on coming because she thought it would protect Arman– but what if it does the opposite? What if he dies because of her?? And ughhh Fi reminds her of how brave and strong she is, and then gives her her ‘armour’ to wear so she can feel the part, and I just love them so much ughhhh. I have said it before that these two are the true centre of the show and I stick by that 

Okay but we were 100% ROBBED of getting to see Arman’s first reaction to Thony in That Outfit. Am I going to fic it? Look, at some point, probably lol. Because you just know that that boy forgot his own damn name for a moment there when he first laid eyes on her. I’m picturing him and Garrett tensely standing at some designated meet point, waiting for her to arrive (maybe there was a bit of final briefing to do or something, idk) and as she pulls up they’re snarking at each other over something, and then when she steps out of the van Arman literally stops talking mid-sentence and just stares. And Garrett makes some teasing comment (like "careful, that puddle of drool will ruin those fancy shoes" or "what's the matter, zebra got your tongue?" Lol) that Arman doesn’t even hear–  he's already walking towards her like he's being drawn by a magnet. Garrett huffs and then follows, then tells Thony that this outfit is much more on the mark than her goth one, but she’s not listening to him either. She’s only looking at Arman, and Garrett rolls his eyes a little and then does some very pointed throat clearing and then is all “Are we going to stand here having a staring competition all day or are we actually going to get this done?” and they snap themselves out of it. But anyway ugh the two of them driving in the caddy looking like that, with that sultry music over the top?? And the line “eye for an eye, heart for a heart, gave you my light, I’ll show you my dark” – like help??? Honestly whoever does the music for this show deserves a goddamn award. I have literally been listening almost solely to playlists of tracks from TCL for months now and I am loving it.  But anyway major kudos to Arman for being able to focus on the road and not on the amount of bare thigh on display in the passenger seat lol; that’s some serious discipline right there. (Though lbr he’s had a lot of practice at trying not to stare at Thony haha, with varying levels of success).

But ugh the way she stays in her seat for a few moments after he gets out of the car, mentally readying herself– and then suddenly he’s there, opening the door for her and holding out a hand to help her onto her feet, and I love the symbolism of him aiding her through this almost as much as I loved the prolonged eye contact and hand holding ugh. The silent reassurance and support in the look he gives her? Help. Honestly I was hoping he’d hold out his arm and she’d take it so they’d walk into the place physically connected, but then it would have made her seem like someone who was more there for decoration than as his equal partner– ugh the power couple vibes were definitely strong. Loved that he continued to check in with her with little looks as they get inside and meet Cortes– also it just further reiterates that invisibility she has when she’s in her cleaning lady persona, considering Cortes saw her literally like 2 days ago in Robert’s office and yet doesn’t recognise her at all. I’ll acknowledge that it’s partly context (even if he thought he recognised her as the cleaning lady he’d seen, his brain would have convinced him that it didn’t make sense for her to be here like this now) but it’s definitely partly that he just didn’t see her, barely even looked at her in the office– even though he’s certainly looking today. This moment definitely highlights the way Arman saw her from the very start, even despite her wearing her cleaning lady invisibility cloak at the time, and it was unfathomable to him that anyone could overlook her. Ugh.  (Also sidenote: hearing Arman say his name with the real accent during their introduction, rather than the Anglicised version, was super hot).  Also omg catch me dying over Cortes saying  “Me, I at least like a date before I jump into bed with someone, if you know what I mean” and the way Armony look at each other as Arman says “We feel exactly the same way.” Bc actually, you guys don’t just like ‘a date’ first, you like to completely entwine your lives and create an unbreakable bond of mutual trust and devotion before you get to the jumping in bed part hahaha. (and while I’m more than happy to wait for that bed part, please god let them it be coming at some point lol). Anyway I love that when they first sit down, he immediately orients his body towards Thony with his arm along the couch behind her, making the distance between them feel smaller ugh. Tbh I was surprised by how quickly their ‘date’ ended; and while he played it cool, Arman was clearly eager to wrap things up and get Thony out of there– and maybe Cortes picked up on that, or maybe not. Either way ugh this is the second time in only a few weeks that Arman has been forced to leave a woman he cares about in the company of a dangerous man; but at least with Nadia and Robert, he knew she was going to be safe. Leaving Thony must have been so much harder for many reasons, and tbh I think if he had seen in her eyes that she couldn’t handle being left behind, he would have done whatever it took to get her out of there with him. But Thony is badass and brave and did what had to be done, and that’s one of the many reasons why he loves her.

(Lol like halfway into the ep and already over 6.5k words. I am a mess. As much as I disapprove of them making Arman disappear for the rest of the ep, I do appreciate that it might be the only thing that saves me from myself haha)

Okay Garrett’s “He left her there” better not have any judgement in it, bc seriously boy you’ve seen how much Arman protects Thony– agreeing to the sting to take down Hayak, arguing for her to be let go when they were caught with the meds, etc– so don’t act like he would just willingly leave her in the clutches of a man like Cortes! Grrr. Anyway I just noticed Garrett is still wearing his wedding ring?? (and that Oliver has a finger tatt, lol). Honestly mate I think you’d be better off giving up on that one… especially since you are clearly not over Maya (wait do I ship it? Oh god maybe a little. gross)

Oh man, forcibly prolonged interactions with strangers are already so awkward, and this is even worse given the whole practically being kept captive thing. Like how much time has passed already? When did they move to sit by the pool?  What have they been talking about? Has he actually asked anything about the drugs, which was her main argument for her being brought along in the first place? (Sidenote: just noticed this actor has forearm tatts that have been covered up, and I think they did the same for the actor playing JD bc I noticed something on his bicep last ep. How rude that they rob me of my chance to be nosy lol). But anyway omg “And how long have you and Arman been together?” / “Just a few months now,” (truth) ”but we’re not together, we’re business partners.” (lie lol). Well I guess it’s not so much a lie as it is not quite the truth. And haha “You could have fooled me” – I love this line because technically they are fooling him rn, but clearly not about their relationship lol. Like seriously, even this aloof criminal who saw them together for like all of five minutes could see what was between them. Ngl everyone can see that there’s something there, including Thony and Arman themselves, but they both refuse to acknowledge it openly because they’re too afraid of what it’ll mean if they do. Because think about it– what if one of them tells the truth about how they feel, and the other chooses not to take their relationship any further? Thony’s all too aware of Arman’s sense of obligation towards Nadia, and Arman’s afraid he’s too much of a liability to be worth the risk to Thony, especially when her family has to come first. And then there’s the even more terrifying option– what if they tell the truth and find that the other wants to be with them too, but then things fall apart later on?? After everything she went through in her relationship with Marco, Thony is afraid to trust someone with her heart (and Luca’s) again, and it would just be so hard to believe that someone used to the kind of upscale, intoxicating life that Arman has led could ever be happy in the simple family life that she has. Meanwhile Arman has always viewed himself as unworthy of her, and is afraid that someday she would realise it and abandon him, like so many others in his life have done. (Isabel, his parents, Hayak, and to an extent, Nadia). And so anyway with all of that, are we really surprised that neither of them will actually step up and say how they feel???  

Wait dude it’s lunch time rn? So this guy has already had two glasses of wine before lunch on a weekday? Sorry bud but I have some professional advice for you regarding the level of your alcohol consumption lol. Also that huge plate of spaghetti and garlic bread is making me wonder how your cholesterol’s looking haha (says the girl who would absolutely demolish that meal given the opportunity lol). But anyway live fast die young I guess lol

Aww I love that Fi called JD! It’s so nice to see her having someone to lean on other than just Thony (who, lbr, is dealing with enough of her own shit) and ugh JD is so steady and kind (and tall. and cute. Have I mentioned lately that I ship it?). Honestly I was so nervous for her when she told him the truth about Chris– the fact that she did shows how close they really must have been when they were together– and his compassion for her made me love him so much. It makes sense that she can trust him about this though; he’d never do anything to hurt Jazz, and having her mother and brother jailed or deported is just about the worst thing he could possibly do to her. And that’s not to mention how much he cares about Fi herself, and Chris too, who he would have been a dad figure to when Chris was only a few years old ugh

And speaking of Chris– oh you foolish boy. You’ve really gone and done it now, putting your face and your name out there. Such a relief that JD got him out of there in time– hopefully they can come up with a plausible excuse for his visit before Flores comes knocking, for example that he came bc he wanted to request that if they found the video of Marco’s death, could they not tell his mom about it because he’s worried that it would hurt her too much to see it. But anyway ugh JD telling Chris he needs to forgive himself for the death he caused– I can imagine that a soldier who spent years at war knows a little about that. As much as I wanted a chance to see Arman bond with Chris, I definitely want to see JD & Chris bonding more (Arman can claim the Hot Uncle role later; let’s work on Hot Husband and Hot Stepdad first lol)

But ugh omg this whole conversation between J-Fi about when they split up and why she didn’t tell him she was undocumented and whether he would have proposed?? Helpp??? I am such a sucker for stories about people who love each other but who are kept apart by circumstances outside of their control– ideally I want the barriers between them resolved pretty quickly (Armony are definitely in this category lol) but I also love those like J-Fi, who get a second chance years later.  So c’mon writers, send the girlfriend on her way and give us the J-Fi we deserve lol

Lol guess who learned something new today? I was all like ‘why does Arman call it Sportsbook when Nadia and Robert both call it Fast Lane??’ –  well fun fact, a sportsbook is an establishment that takes bets on sporting events and pays out winnings. Clearly I am not a gambler or a televised sports enthusiast lol. But anyhow damn, respect to Nadia for dictating the terms of her business arrangement with Robert; she literally rocked up and bossed him around and he practically thanked her for it god I’m starting to get dom/sub vibes here too lol. But anyway Robert makes her feel admired and respected and wanted, whereas lately Arman has (unintentionally) made her feel tolerated rather than appreciated– while he does care for her greatly, I think he holds a subconscious level of resentment towards her, as the thing that stands in the way of what he wants above all else. And she can sense that, even when he’s not aware of it himself. But oooh her expression when Robert commented on the ring and how lovely it looks on her– I think she now sees that Arman was right, and Robert views it as a symbol of her connection to him rather than Arman, proof of him staking his claim. Interested to see what she does with that knowledge– like I said in another meta, I want her to use Robert and then throw him under the bus to take his kingdom right out from under him lol, but I guess I’ll have to wait and see on that one.

The fact that none of the many many guards at this very isolated property have noticed the random car hanging out nearby is a little ridiculous lol. As is the fact that Garrett gets into the compound by sneaking past when their backs are turned– Cortes should definitely fire every one of these goons lol

Ugh Thony looking out the window as if for rescue; makes me think of her “he always shows up when I need him” statement. She knows Arman can’t come for her right now– and in fact, by getting the drug handover done, he is literally doing everything he can to get her her freedom as soon as possible– but she still can’t help but wish for him to appear. And then lol at the ‘well, shit’ expression on her face when Maya walks in. I actually really enjoy the way these two interact, and how they both try to protect the other– Maya by warning her to get out and away from Cortes asap, and Thony by trying to convince her to do the same. Totally in love with the little ‘oh, honey’ look that Thony gives Maya when she learns of her relationship with Garrett; lbr Thony can definitely relate to falling in love with someone she probably shouldn’t have, but at least for her that someone is a man who will literally always put her before himself, which is clearly something Maya didn’t get from Garrett. But while he may be a selfish asshole, Thony knows he really has been trying hard to protect Maya, and that there are good sides to him– certainly far more than Cortes, who is only ever going to hurt her worse and worse until one day she ends up dead. Honestly when Thony said she’d been with someone who hurt her too, I gasped aloud, because I have always believed that Marco (while definitely abusive in multiple other ways) was never physically abusive towards her. I always felt that while Thony accepted/tolerated a certain level of his emotional/financial/social abuse, she would never have tolerated him getting physically violent with her, partly because she has too much fire in her for that, but mainly because she wouldn’t have been able to trust that that violence wouldn’t eventually be turned on Luca, and she could never allow that. So her comment to Maya had me all like omg?!??, and then she added ‘not physically’ and I was just like jesus don’t scare me like that lol. Also later she tells Maya “The way he treats you is not love” and honestly this line says so much. And tbh anyone who judges Thony for ‘cheating’ on Marco– a man who abused her for years and put their son’s health at further risk, and who she could not legally separate herself from/who made it financially almost impossible for her to escape from– can piss right off imo

Anyway omg when Thony had Cortes’ gun to her head ugh… my poor baby deserves all the peace and happiness in the world and yet she gets so much fear and suffering instead. I loved seeing Maya rescue her though, and then Thony immediately trying to rescue her right back– as ever, this show is THE BEST when it comes to women helping other women. And ugh they looked like such a badass duo there facing off against Cortes, Thony staying close by her side and giving her her strength and support. But ugh he did what abusers do and weaseled his way closer until he was almost able to strike– if he’d gotten the gun from Maya, they’d both have been dead in seconds. Which is why I’m pretty much on Garrett’s side when it comes to shooting him tbh; I know that a cop shooting an unarmed man is terrible, but in this context it was the right call, because like I said, he was literally moments from killing them. And to allow one or both of them to be hurt/killed before he could be ‘legally’ taken out is just insane. Damn at Garrett’s trust in his aim though– Cortes and Maya were standing very close– and daaaaaaamn at Thony’s quick thinking (she has learned a few things from being in Arman’s world lol). Honestly so proud of the fact that she did that for Garrett; she and Maya could have just stood there and done nothing, and then told the FBI the truth about what happened– and they would have likely faced no consequences, while Garrett would be hauled away for manslaughter or something (I assume?). But Thony understands that legal and illegal don’t always match up with right and wrong, and she knows that Garrett just saved both of their lives– and so in return, she saves his freedom. It’s going to make their dynamic even more interesting now, and tbh I can’t wait to see more of how they interact and help each other in the future, especially now that he will literally never threaten or blackmail her ever again. 

Anyway, not sure what I’ll be stressing over more between now and next ep– Thony getting caught for her aiding and abetting (because as @enigmaticfox brilliantly pointed out, Thony put the gun in Cortes’ left hand, but we definitely saw earlier that he’s right-handed ugh), or Flores looking into Chris, or the (thankfully unlikely) possibility that Arman had a run-in with Sin Cara when trying to get the drugs and ended up in a world of trouble of his own aaaaahhhh (for once I’m actually tempted to watch the promo for next ep, but nah, I’ll just suffer in suspense instead lol)

Alright that’s all for 2x06, kids. See you in a couple of weeks with a recap which will undoubtedly break 10k based on how quickly things are going downhill with my self control lol

[time-gear]

Goodbye 2022, Hello 2023

Helloooo!! I don't really write journals and blog posts anymore, but I’d like to try and change that! At least a yearly one for art stuff since it’s nice to be able to set some goals and they’re kinda fun to look back on. Also I’ve been overly mysterious and closed off online and I feel like I come off kind of cold because of it sometimes. I miss connecting with people over shared interests like I once did before adulthood happened. Giant post under the cut!

Before we get onto art stuff, I kinda wanna touch on some personal stuff. 2022 was so chaotic for me. I got to visit Latvia, Estonia and Lithuania. (all very last second with the planning LOL) Those were the trips of a lifetime, my brain will never be the same. (in a “i found myself in europe” kind of way) I went to arizona to see my partner’s family again after 4 years of not seeing them because of covid and jobs and all that fun stuff. Yeah I’ve been on 14 airplanes in the past 6 months I’m done with traveling for a while I hope xD Also had a really amazing time with some long time friends that I never thought I’d meet in person, but here we are! I have anxiety issues, but I unknowingly did a lot to help myself this year and I didn’t realize that until I was looking back on everything recently. There were some other things earlier in the year too but those are boring/personal but were still a lot. I’m exhausted, but not for negative reasons.

Since covid restrictions lessened, my dayjob became much less busy. I was also able to go on actual vacation and It gave me some time to think about life and what it means to me. Do I care about money enough to grind like this? Can’t buy a house so, if I can pay my bills and save a little bit each month, that's enough for me. Maybe the antiwork reddit posts helped me on my way a little too LOL. Anyways the tl;dr is that the cost of owning and maintaining a second car was basically using up all the money I was making at work. I was able to quit, sell a car and take some commissions and the profit margin remained the same. It’s.. kinda sad. I’m mad at my old employer for dicking me around with small ass raises and stressing me out so much for no… reason…………….. Haha…………. He took good care of me (aside from the money thing) and taught me so many things that will be relevant for the rest of my life, but I’m glad I’m not managing 4 fast food stores anymore. I quit on super good terms and I got free pizza for life. Also I don’t have to listen to stupid ass customers yell at me over fucking pizzas anymore!! Yay!!

All that being said, I’m shifting my focus to art now. I’m in a way better mental state and I have a lot of support from my partner so I’m not worried about burning out again. I’m already pretty pleased with the fact that I’m actually improving again! I guess I just needed time to consistently work hard, instead of always being exhausted from a dead end dayjob. Also gotta shout out the people who pick me up and encourage me when it comes to art, you know who you are <3

Moving on from that, I want to talk about more art stuff! The first thing I wanted to say is that I’m DEFINITELY going to be streaming again. I got way too busy around the holidays so I haven’t streamed in a couple of months, but I’m gonna be doing that regularly again this week or next week. So many people have asked when I’ll stream again and that I helped get them through their work day????? Like DAMN you guys I’ll cry. I’m so glad y’all like my company, the feeling is definitely mutual. <3 Like I mentioned, I am a pretty anxious person so it’s gonna be hard for me to stick to a schedule. It’l be during weekdays around 1pm EST like it has been, just I’ll be doing it on random days to spare myself the worrying. Also sometimes I take NSFW work and that is not allowed on twitch, so yeah |D

Another thing I’ll definitely be sorting out this year is a discord server. I spent a lot of time thinking about this and talking to some of my friends who have one and I think it would be fun. My only worry is my inability to consistently check discord, so I’d need mods or to just pray nothing fucked up happens in there while I’m not looking :’D I’ve seen too much dark and questionable stuff happen in small, niche discord servers and public chatrooms. I’m terrified of fostering that kind of environment but I’m aware that isn’t likely to happen bc I think the people who follow me are pretty… normal? If anyone has any advice I am all ears! The point of the server would be to have a feed channel and some premium channels with extra goodies every month. (I’d connect it to my twitch subs. You guys deserve some extra snacks) Maybe some people wanna be pinged when I open for commissions I don’t know! It seems everyone has one these days and I want to try it. Any premium content will be hosted on my website PWYW style as well. This way if people wanna support me they can, but also you can download my silly little sketches for free if you don’t want to give anything. There would be other stuff but that’s the gist of it.

Lastly, I am officially open for commissions. You can find all that information on my website here: https://timegear.ink/commissions/ I have an empty slate right now so the turnaround should be pretty fast.

I guess that’s pretty much all I wanted to talk about? Thanks for reading my silly little rambles if you made it all the way through. <3 Here’s to a fun and productive 2023!

[pantsusnifferr]

2021 best of post!

I procrastinated so hard last year when i was about to do my 2021 reflection! Now that i am thinking back on it, my memory’s a mess and im starting to confuse things that have happened in 2020 with those that happened in 2021. I will to the best of my ability, try to remember the biggest highlights of 2021 while writing my reflection of 2022 in a seperate post. Highlights of 2021 1. Went out of my way to watch fireworks with my sister on Jan 1 even though i didn’t feel like it. I remember i wanted to have less regrets and i definately felt like that was one step worth taking. 2. Went out of my comfort zone and decided to go out with a couple of people i met online! Definately not an unpleasant experience for sure, but i still feel like i have a lot of grow, it was something i felt like i needed and something i never thought i’d ever have the patience to do. 3. Continued HEMA and made my first sparring montage and entered my first tournament! HEMA has became such a big part of my life back in 2021, I am so glad i started it back during the end of 2020, i remember the social anxiety i felt and the apprehension before i stepped through the doors of Bastion. But I am so glad i did! It was exciting, it was something that i look forward to every week of the day, it was my obssession and something i love. I remember going to different clubs, eventually finding Oriflamme and learning italian longsword. And i concluded that year with Bashfest! My first tournament where i absolutely got wrecked haha. (But i didn’t come in last.)

4. Made geniune friends with people from HEMA, maybe E was right, perhaps i am not giving people enough chances back then. But I was glad i did, it started with going out to eat at that okonomiyaki place at the new year’s eve. And we became close and fast friends ever since. It is sad that circumstances have changed and we’ve all drifted apart, but it gives me a little hope that i’m still able to form meaningful friendships with people if i were to give them a chance.

5. Managed to diffuse a situation with a difficult and crazy business relation. I never want to deal with someone like that again, the length of time we spent on him and the amount of stress we’ve got just isn’t worth it. I was so close to quitting the entire thing but thankfully we managed to resolve everything amiciably. And the dude moved on to selling other plants, he’s someone else’s problem now. 6. Sold my switch and got an OLED switch! Isn’t really a highlight but i actually started playing it a lot more! Turns out having the ability to dock it to my PC is something i sorely needed! 7. Received my full hema kit! Too bad the jacket couldn’t fit me properly though. 8. Upgraded my PC! 9. Painted many fencing masks for myseld and my clubmates! 10. Acheived a 4.0 for my GPA. I got no idea if this is the start of me taking my studies more seriously or the start of all my unecessary stress, i still have to thank my friends who helped me out with my studies and exams though! 11. I got my vtuber model fully rigged and animated! I wasn’t satisfied with it fully so i continued to sit on it for almost 6 months before i did anything with it in 2022. A few people were essential to this step of mine, i was excited and really happy that i might actually get a chance to scratch this creative itch of mine. Too bad i fell out with one of my ‘teachers’ though. 12. bought a VR headset! 13. made a lot of shorterform videos for the company 14. was deep into fitness and diet, i managed to consistently exercise and be slightly healthier during this period. 15. Did our first live zoom workshop with gardens by the bay! managed to intergrate my streaming techniques and equipement for work! I am glad i am able to apply some of my interests to work this way. 16. Reconnected with El and RK from my AirForce days, glad to know that these guys always got my back. 17. started trying to put myself out there. 18. started investing...with mixed success.. 19. Got my feder and my rapier this year! 20. Reservist lmao, useless stay home do nothing, but i did have a nice long chat with people i used to know back during my time in service.

[wonwoonlight]

long message incoming im so sorry 😭😭

haylooooo, miss khione!! hope you're doing great rnn <3<3 it's been a while since our last interaction haha ! i hope you're taking care of yourself? saw your latest post in the garden and wow let me tell you 😭 it looks like it came from a literal movie like wow !!! it's really pretty 😭 also you look stunning <3 hope you enjoyed your little trip there!

so i don't know if you're aware (i'm pretty sure you've heard it somewhere tho...although i don't really know 😅😅) buuut regarding seventeen's be the sun tour, they're having two additional shows! one is in Jakarta and the other in Bulacan (in the philippines). the ticket selling for this was on oct 28 (was the carat membership presale) and oct 29 (the general sale). originally, i wasn't planning on going to the bulacan show since 1) I didn't want to go through the stress i went through the first ticket selling. 2) the accessibility of the venue and additional expenses just to go there. 3) concert quality of the venue. but.....haha guess what 💔 i bought a carat membership and joined the presale 😭😭😭 and like things get sort of worse here. so october 28, 7am, i woke up then did my usual morning stuff (wow okay why did i share that 😭 😭) by the time i finished it was alr a little past 8am (sloth era) told the cafe babies i'd be late to work (ik it wasn't nice for me to do that since work is more important that seventeen but,,,,,,yeah i didn't think about that before 😭😭) ANYWAYS that happened. so yeah i prepared myself mentally and physically, made a shrine as well as a manifestation table) lowk looked like i was sacrificing my laptop to who knows where). since the waiting room started at 9am (yeah well i thougnt it starts at 9am like last time) still had a little more time to do that arrangement. so 9am comes and i was alr in the livenation website looking for the link. guess what,,,it wasn't there 😭😭 i realized that there would be no waiting room and we go straight to the website at 10am 😭😭😭 so i patiently (no i didn't i was highk stressing, well i mean at least my 😭 boyfriend 😭 was there to calm me down [he was giving pacemaker dino tbh] anyways 10am we were given the link. "we are sorry but our website is currently experiencing heavy traffic right now. you will be let in once a slot become available" screamed at this and opened twitter to see if i was the only one 😭😭 there were so many carats experiencing the same thing aurmg 😭😭 so i waited to be let in but it was taking so long, NOT UNTIL MY SAVIOR ARRIVED 😭 someone sent a direct link to the queuing and i got to the queue 😭 i was at 18k on my laptop and then 16k on my phone had to wait for only like 30 mins until i was in the website on my phone so i went in the website, was shaking, trying to go for my desired seats (no vip sc too tiring 😭😭) so i got them (planned to go with my mom, im so sorry mom but once you go in that venue i believe you wouldn't get to escape caratland) was about to complete my transaction then suddenly my payment failed 😭😭 SO I HAD TO CALL THE MALL'S CUSTOMER SERVICE 😭😭 luckily they answered, then they were amazing enough to reset my carat membership code. i had to also call the bank but they weren't answering so i had to use another type of payment and then my desired seats were taken so spent about 5 mins looking for a good seat </3 and 😭😭 and then i got the tickets 😭😭 until now it hasn't sank in for some reason 😭😭 but 😭 im seeing seventeen on december 17 😭😭😭😭 this was so anticlimactic </3 so i got the tickets like only in 2hrs which was amazing 💖💖 most seats are now taken in the arena but we're still hoping for a sold out show bc imagine the articles that are like "kpop group seventeen sold out a 55k capacity arena!" that was an ew headline but 🤩🤩 it's the story that counts HEJDJXJD so yeah rn it isn't sinking in yet but like i hope it does before the concert so i can actually prepare myself mentally <3

so that's it 🤩🤩 im so sorry for this long message 😭 i had sm to share 😭😭 hbu? do you have any stories to share <3 (if youre comfy ofc !!) stay safe ms khione!

Shey hi 😭😭😭 i knoooow! I havent been online anywhere due to irl duties 😭😭 glad you've been fine and, as always, I truly enjoyed your story 🤣 don't feel sorry abt sending long ask!!

I'm glad that you got the ticket on top of all those stress!! Please do have fun with your mom at the concert🤍 is there a reason why she's coming with you tho???

And me... welll.. if we're talking about me during the time i type this... I'm not in my best state but I'm here to find escape so, thank you for giving me comfort through your story!

[jocy-diaries]

06.22.2022

I almost had a panic attack today because the makeup I bought for 20 bucks was too dark. If anything goes wrong today consider me dead. I know it's just anxiety about leaving. I know it is. But that doesn't make it better.

Okay finding the train as a pain, bit I expected that so it's fine. But I should have taken a first class ticket. Why in the hell didn't I take a first class ticket??? Like this is fine, but it could have been better... Goddam. I did find some nice Americans also traveling as a group though, so good for them~

All of my pictures are going to have a weird ugly film to them now, I should have taken first class what is WRONG with me?? 😭 I know that while purchasing the tickets I was anxious and just wanted to get it done but goddammit. And I ALWAYS do this. I Always take the lower class for myself. Fucking WHYYYYYY.

And since I am now realizing I didn't get first class tickets, I now know that I won't have the food cart coming to me with snacks and coffee. For seven hours. That cart was meant to be my salvation 😢

Okay so I've upgraded ALL of my other tickets to make sure they're first class now haha. I don't think I would have done that if I hadn't gone through this so you know, looking at the positives. It rained while I was in the train~ That was my first European rain!

Ohmygosh~♡♡ Our train kinda broke down so we had to go to a different one. And it's so much better~~~ ^3^ I love my goddess so much this is such an amazing piece of luck~ And I met the nice Americans again! Will with the tattoos, Drew with the watch and sunglasses, Gabby with the straight hair, and. ... one more lovely lady with curly hair. They were very nice! I hope they have a good time in Florence.

So, I missed my train. I couldn't understand that I would need to move to another metro station first, the intermediary steps weren't clear to me, so I missed my train. And at first someone helped me get a ticket but then they were about to sell me a bad SIM cars since i didn't have internet and i couldn't call anyone but then this goddamn angel of a person came to help me, and we searched around so many fully booked hotels for like an hour and we finally found something and I was so scared. I couldn't understand anything in Italian, why did I ever think this was a good idea. I am so grateful for the guy that helped me, I would not have been able to do anything without his helped. It never dawned on me how Useless I am at everything. If I didn't have money and a goddess who loved me then what the fuck would have happened. I don't think I've cried like this out of distress and self pity in, forever. I'm I'm scared and I'm so grateful and I miss my family so much. This doesn't feel like a good idea anymore. It is all my fault though. I don't understand why I couldn't just do things correctly. And one thing that makes it all a wee bit harder is that I can't very well let my parents know how much I freaked out. I can't let anyone other than myself know that I'm crying in distress right now, and when asked about it it has to become a light hearted joke rather than a stressful ordeal. It's so lonely living that way.

It's a good thing I ate breakfast today. I haven't had anything else to eat. Come to think of it. Everything was going fine until I decided to speak with the one guy and I don't want to speak to anymore. That's literally when it all went downhill. I need to end this. It's either end this or cure him and I don't know if I have the heart to be kind right now. Eventhough my angel was... I'll sleep on it.

[simplyotometrash]

MC turns into MSheep!

Inspired by the lil anime announcement we got because I love MC still being represented by a lil sheepie~!

As usual, this is gender-neutral reader!MC

It was a total accident. You were just working on your potion project with Solomon. He was helping you with the math of it, mostly, since it was pretty complicated. You had no idea where things went wrong. There was a puff of pink smoke when you added the last ingredient and suddenly Solomon was a giant! Well, actually you were turned into a small pink sheep...

Lucifer:

He didn’t know what to say when Solomon brought you home.

You were a sheep. A tiny sheep. And very pink.

His beloved was a sheep.

Lucifer.exe has stopped responding.

Honestly, give this old man a few moments to take in the shock and let things settle.

Then he’s going to threaten Solomon because who else would have turned you into a fucking sheep?

A tiny voice sounded from the sheep. It sounded like you, only smaller.

“It was my fault. I think. Solomon didn’t even touch my potion ingredients.”

Well, that doesn’t change anything. Solomon had best change you back or else.

And those words shot pure ice through your veins. You knew when your Lucifer got pissed off, his threats were not to be taken lightly.

For the time being, however, you had to live as a sheep.

Lucifer didn’t hesitate to just carry you everywhere. What if you got lost? Or Beel tried to eat you? Or Belphie thought you were a pillow? Or Mammon tried to sell you?

There were too many variables and this old demon just wanted some peace of mind.

So you went literally everywhere with him. You two still talked as normal. You even slept in his room still. 

You promised yourself to help him relax once you were human again. You knew your situation caused a lot of unneeded stress on the poor man.

It took three whole days before Solomon was able to change you back.

But when you were human again you didn’t expect Lucifer to hug you so tightly or give you such a firm kiss. He had missed his human being, well, a human far more than he cared to admit.

But you better make good on helping him relax. I think there’s some grey in his hair now.

Mammon:

Haha, good joke, Solomon! Now, where was his human? Really, where were they hiding?

He was so sure it was a prank and you were taking pictures from the bushes or something.

When you voice sounded from the small sheep Mammon nearly fainted.

What the fuck did Solomon do to his human?! The Great Mammon’s human was a sheep!

You explained your situation and Mammon only grew more jittery.

He was grinding his teeth. He didn’t hesitate, though, to snatch you away from Solomon and hold you like you were the most sacred thing in the whole of Devildom.

“Ya better turn them back! I can make money at the casinos so name the price!”

Oh he was serious. Mammon was willing to pay good Grimm just to turn you back.

And Solomon, after cruel teasing with pricing your return to human at over a million Grimm, said he would do it for free. After all, there was no telling if this would wear off or if it needed to be reversed.

So he would do it. It was a good chance to study your potion recipe and figure out how you fucked up.

Mammon, like his older brother, took you literally everywhere with him. But by everywhere I do mean everywhere. Lucifer at least had the decency to leave you out when he went to the bathroom. Mammon did not.

He was also making sure to keep you away from Asmo, who had fallen for your pink and fluffy form on sight. 

Mammon talked to you like you were still human. He treated like his human.

But he also acted like you would break at any second. He had never been so careful in his life.

He honestly cried on the third day, worried you might be stuck as a sheep. He didn’t know what to do.

Of course, you were turned back by that evening. Solomon had dropped by to check in and the potion naturally wore off.

Mammon hugged you so tight you felt like you were being suffocated.

But he was back to normal the second Solomon joked that he wanted to get paid for his efforts.

Levi:

Once Solomon was able to get into his bedroom, Levi just about fainted at the sight of you.

He wasn’t even skeptical about this.

It was just like the anime “Help I’ve Accidentally Been Turned Into a Sheep and Now I’m Stuck!”. Literally, just like the anime! 

You needn’t worry about anyone trying anything with you while Solomon worked to turn you back, it wasn’t like you would be leaving Levi’s room very much.

You were in his lap almost 24/7 save for when you needed food or to go to the bathroom. Or he needed to do the same. 

His room was a fortress so you were pretty much safe. 

You couldn’t remember the last time you got to spend quite that much time with your otaku. He could be difficult at times, especially when he was playing a game.

You actually relished the time spent as a sheep because of it.

Levi was not-so-secretly getting more and more anxious though. 

He saw the anime! He made you watch it with him in one sitting, too! What if this turned out just like the anime and you never turned back into a human?

The main character in the anime was a sheep for an entire YEAR!

If he had a soul it would have left his body at the very thought.

By the end of the third day you could tell he was totally falling apart.

His partner was a sheep. Probably forever.

With a poof of pink smoke you were human again.

And Levi unconscious because, for some reason, you turned human and had no clothes on.

You just put on some of his clothes for the time being and called Solomon.

You caught a glimpse in the mirror as you were on the phone and told him to keep working on that reversal potion.

You still had sheep fluff for hair, horns, and sheep ears...

Satan:

If looks could kill then Solomon would have been dead where he stood.

The sin of wrath was so pissed off that there was an evil, menacing aura radiating from him.

And it was directed solely at Solomon.

“I don’t even want you working on a way to turn them back. You might be a great sorcerer but I’m going to do this myself.”

He snatched you away and slammed the door in the sorcerer’s face.

No one tried to bother him as he stormed back to his room. 

“I promise I’m going to turn you back, MC.”

He poured over his books and had you give him the potion you had been making. You had to tell every single detail you could remember of what happened leading up to your transformation.

But he didn’t only focus on turning you back.

He couldn’t neglect you being in the room with him. You still brought out the calm within him and made him feel at ease.

When you insisted he take breaks, he would make some tea and give you a straw so you didn’t get tea in your wool.

Like he usually did, he read to you when you wanted to go to sleep. It was even more relaxing holding a warm ball of fluff.

But he barely slept.

He had to figure out a way to turn his favorite person back to normal.

You were still you, no doubt about that, but he missed you being a person. Someone he could kiss and hold hands with. Someone he didn’t have to worry about accidentally crushing or losing because you were so small.

He finally figured it out. He studied your potion recipe for hours on end until he figured out what went wrong. You had been given a recipe that had been “mislabeled”.

Knowing that made it a cinch to turn you back within the hour.

Now to murder the dodgy sorcerer who gave you the recipe for class to begin with.

Asmo:

“Whaaaaaat? MC? A sheep? Oh, darling, you are so cute! And so soft!!”

He canonically loves cute things (did you read the Devilgram story about him taking care of bunnies?) so he was having the time of his life.

And then it hit him as soon as Solomon laughed.

He couldn’t go out on dates with you. He couldn’t kiss you. Or see your stunning face. Your voice wasn’t the same. 

Solomon promised to do what he could to fix this, but it could take a few days.

Did he spend the next hour crying and hugging your fluffy body? Yes, yes he did.

You got him calmed down, reassuring him that it was temporary and there were some perks. He would totally get lots of attention on Devilgram if he posted your pictures! You were pink, his favorite color! You had lots of soft wool he could brush and he could paint your tiny sheep hooves!

That perked him right up.

He spent the next several hours styling your wool, somehow managing to put braids in it. He gave you cute decorative pieces to wear in your wool, painted your hooves to match his nails, and even gave you a little bowtie!

And boy did his Devilgram blow up with attention at the sight of your pictures.

You even inspired his newest clothing designs! Clothing for pets! Devildom didn’t have a cute variety of pet clothes, and while you weren’t a pet, you were very inspiring to look at.

Even pets deserved to look beautiful!

You were so soft to snuggle with but nighttime really made him miss you. Even in an innocent way, he missed skin-to-skin cuddling. It was always so reassuring.

But he didn’t have that.

He managed to get through the days that went by before Solomon finally turned you back.

And he was beginning to wonder if Solomon had drawn out your time as a sheep on purpose.

That didn’t matter, though. Not when he had to take you out on a date!

Beel:

Solomon was holding something soft and fluffy. Was it food? Cotton candy? It looked really sweet and tasty.

“Beel, no, it’s me!”

“MC...?”

He wasn’t happy once the situation was explained. But he didn’t show it. To be fair, he wasn’t the most outwardly expressive of his emotions unless it was necessary.

With Solomon’s promise to return you to normal, he just carried you back to the kitchen with him.

But he wasn’t hungry anymore. Not when his dear human was in a new and unusual form.

It caused him to go into a bit of a crisis, though.

What did sheep eat? What could YOU eat? You were a human in a sheep’s body after all. Did you have to eat what sheep ate or could you still eat your favorite things?

He sat there, staring at the cupboards and fridge, with the most worried look on his face.

To be fair, you weren’t sure either.

And you two stayed liked that until Satan said you could still eat whatever you liked, though it would be best to avoid meat unless it was basically shredded. 

Then came Beel’s next huge crisis: he was terrified of crushing you!

You were so tiny and delicate now, even more fragile than when you were a human.

It took a little convincing but Beel took to carrying you literally everywhere you wanted to go. He loved how soft you were.

Though you didn’t like how often he drooled on you because your fluff looked too tasty. You promised to get him cotton candy once you were a human again, which kind of helped the situation.

Beel even made sure to make everything you ate easy on you! He didn’t want anything to be hurtful to your little sheep body or hard for you to eat!

He didn’t hesitate to help you drink the reversal potion once Solomon got it made, holding his breath until he saw you in your proper state again.

He could breathe easy again. 

Belphie:

What was Solomon carrying? A new pillow or something?

It looked so soft and like it would be a perfect napping pillow.

He wasn’t even listening to anything Solomon had to say, the explanation going in one ear and out the other.

He was focused on going inside to use the new pillow.

Until he heard you talking to him after Solomon had given up on explaining anything.

Now he was mildly concerned. You weren’t you anymore. You were a sheep. He actually listened as you told him your story, unlike with Solomon, and he merely shrugged.

“Well, what can you do? You’ll be normal again eventually.”

You knew your grumpy demon, though. He was worried about you. But Belphie was never good at showing his worry for others unless it was drastic.

True to form, he passed out once he laid down again. You were held against him as if you might disappear while he slept.

It was all the more proof he was worried about your situation.

He still slept most of the time, he was like a cat in that he slept for hours without moving. You had to wiggle free to do anything. No one wanted to wake up to a sheep smelling like piss and you didn’t want a bath.

Belphie whined that taking care of you as a sheep was too much work, but the moment anyone tried to take you from him he immediately got defensive. He even threatened to break Mammon’s hands.

The only one he trusted with you was Beel.

Always sleeping holding your little sheep self did make him realize he wanted a stuffed animal version of you just like that.

It was so nice to snuggle with.

But he missed the normal you. He wanted to have you to lay on or go “star” gazing with. He wanted to do things with you again that weren’t quite possible with you as a sheep.

So he may have gone to find Solomon and threaten him if he didn’t turn you back quicker.

It was all for naught, as he came home to find you curled up in his bed in your human form once again.

He’d wake you up later. For now, he wanted to take another nap with you.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

I'm sorry but i'm addicted to our boy Spamton- I have a little unique request here. So this takes place where Spamton just moves in the Queen's mansion, he meets the reader and immediately falls for their kind words and gestures. Weeks pass, and he goes to see them, but catches them talking and hanging out with Swatch.. He gets really jealous to the point of changing his style to match Swatch's

"Oh [y/n]! Have You Met Our Newest Guest?"

"Uh, I don't believe-"

"He's An Interesting Addison Who Made A Big Name For Himself! Ohohoho!" Queen laughed joyously, pausing to sip her glass of battery acid. "I Wonder How He Got So Rich...No Matter. As My Peon, I Order You Greet Him......Whenever It's Convenient For You."

"Sure thing. I'll go now." With a respectful nod, you set off to the mansion's guest chambers to meet this newcomer. You've lived here for a long time--and somewhat reluctantly since Queen decided to make you one of her peons one day. But life was actually pretty good.

It wasn't like you had anything better to do, so if she needed someone to help her with plans that..didn't seem all-that urgent, you'll offer your assistance. She let you stay in the mansion for free and never made you do anything if you weren't feeling up to it.

For a tyrannical ruler she was rather kind.

Yet you didn't wanna take advantage of her hospitality, so you'd just listen to whatever she says. And if she wants you to meet this celebrity as part of her endless lists of requests, then you'll happily oblige. But you were eager too since you've seen his face on TV a lot. It felt like an honor.

After wandering the corridors of deactivated puzzles, Mona Lisa-esque portraits, and meticulously-placed pottery, you finally arrived at the guest rooms. You hummed a small tune as you passed by each one, stopping when you noticed one door was open.

Peeking inside, you saw the Addison still setting up things. A phone was tucked between his shoulder and ear as he moved a box whilst rambling to whoever was on the other end of the line.

"Yea! I promise I won't let you down, okay? Soon I'll be bigger than ever before! I know I'm already a big shot but....haha, yeah, I shouldn't get carried away. Okay. Right..we'll discuss more of this tomorrow. Thanks!"

After hanging up the phone and returning it to the receiver, he finally noticed you and smiled. "Hey, hey! Haven't seen your face around here yet. But surely you know mine, right?"

"Yeah." You smiled, not wanting to shy away from talking with him. "Spamton, right?"

"Everybody's favorite number-one rated salesman!!" He laughed. "It's good you know me..'cuz soon ALL of Cyber World will know my name! It's a pleasure to meet you...?"

"[Y/n]. I'm one of Queen's peons." You shook his hand politely. The energy that radiated from him was so bright. Just as much as his pearly smile was.

Stepping inside, you glanced around at the luxurious furniture. He definitely got the higher-class rooms, with the addition of a large window that showed the neon green meridians that stretched across the night sky. It was certainly a beautiful view to fall asleep to. "Need help unpacking?"

"Oh--sure!!" At first Spamton seemed surprised by your offer, but he nodded. "If you want, be my guest. And while we unpack, I gotta ask you..how's it being Queen's peon?"

............

Weeks passed, and you've gotten to know Spamton more and more. You realized he was actually a sweet down-to-earth guy all around. Although he was on the phone a lot, he'd make time to hang out with you, so you two became fast friends.

He was truly living the best life. Posters of his car advertisements were littered all over the city, and the Swatchlings attended to his every need. Though one thing was hard to admit, even when it seemed like he had it all:

You were his only friend now that everyone else is intimidated by his status--as they would shy away from conversing with him--and the Addisons, well, abandoned him out of jealousy.

Obviously that made him worry about driving you away, especially when he's on the phone nonstop. But...the fact you've been so kind to him in every word and gesture, treating him like a regular person and not some untouchable celebrity, was quite endearing. Most admired him for his products, not his personality.

Your kindness made him fall for you hard and fast, ever since day one. He wasn't sure if this was a good idea; to let it get in the way of his business.

But what the hell? He was a big shot! He can afford to go a bit bigger and take more risks. Living in this mansion with someone who loved him would be the perfect dream.

There was a much bigger dream that his valued caller insisted he focused on, but that can come later.

So this morning, Spamton set out to find you to address these feelings once and for all. Yet he was rather nervous. Addisons were most confident in selling products, not so much...everything else. But he didn't wanna back down. He kept smiling no matter what.

As he checked inside the color café that he usually frequented, he saw you eating at the table. He noticed you weren't alone but with Swatch, talking and...

Laughing with them?

And just like that, his smile faded much like his hope.

Of course, the head butler had their ways to swoon people. He tried not to think of it as anything more than just their personality. It's just their way to entice returning customers.

That's all...right?

Spamton ducked behind one of the displays, listening in on your conversation to determine if he should proceed or not.

"By the way, we've known each other for a while and..I've always wanted to ask you something.."

"Yes? What is your inquiry?"

He held his breath. This is exactly what he feared. Knowing that you've been here longer, it's obvious you'd be closer to that damn bird-

"Your outfit."

Then he exhaled shakily, relieved. 'What are you getting so worked up for, idiot?' He thought in the back of his mind, but he continued eavesdropping.

"Did the Queen make it or give it to you? It's very stylish and really makes you stand out from the other Swatchlings."

"Ah, in fact I decided this look for myself." Swatch chuckled softly, raising a wing to adjust their glasses. "The tailor did marvelous work with my vision: black suit, tinted glasses. Very fashionable, is it not?"

"It is. I like it a lot."

"Why thank you. I see why our Lady Grace admires you. Just for that compliment, I'll give you a discount on any of our products in the gift shop."

"Should be every day if you ask me." You joked, earning another chuckle from them.

Seeing all of this and the way you two spoke like close friends was a jab in Spamton's heart-shaped object. 'So [y/n] likes people who stand out? Well I can stand out, too..' He thought bitterly as he stormed out of the shop without either of you knowing he was there.

Why should he settle with being a blank-slate Addison like the rest of them? He didn't consider himself one anymore.

Today, he told his valued caller, he was gonna be a whole new person.

It would help him get closer to both of his dreams, but there was only one on his mind now.

............

Later that night as you were getting ready for bed, you heard a knock at the door. You huffed in annoyance, assuming Queen needed you for something.

She had a knack for disturbing you at ungodly hours. But knowing better than to ignore her, you went to answer the door anyways-

To some strange black-haired guy in a black suit and white turtleneck sweater.

"Hi, um...can I help you?"

"[Y/n]? It's me."

"....wait....Spamton?"

"Yeah!" The salesman laughed, throwing his arms out and making a pose. "Whatdya think of me now?"

Perplexed, you looked him up and down. He ditched the lime-green pants, instead wearing white trousers. And his hair was slicked back. But what was most peculiar about him were his glasses, tinted with pink and yellow lenses.

Had you not known any better, you would've thought Swatch suddenly shrunk and became robotized.

"Cool but..you kinda look like Swatch a little bit. Was that on purpose?" You mused.

"...haha....yeah uh..funny story. Um.." He dropped the act, losing his trademark grin as he wondered how to explain himself and this sudden transformation. You could tell he wanted to talk inside the room, so you let him in and shut the door.

"I don't recall Queen mentioning any costume contest-"

"It's not a costume." He muttered, uncomfortably rubbing his hands together as he looked at you with sadness. "This is who I am now. The new me."

"..huh? You serious?" When he nodded, you frowned slightly. "I'm confused. You don't look like an Addison anymore-"

"That's the point...! I...I don't wanna be associated with them anymore. I decided to stand out, y'know? If you're gonna be a big shot, ya gotta stand out from the crowd!" He forced a laugh that sounded rather glitchy.

You didn't buy it. It wasn't like him to do this out of the blue.

"Spamton, why imitate Swatch of all people? And why out of the blue like this? I mean..I don't mind if you like their style. But I didn't even recognize you until you spoke."

Try as he might, he couldn't make any better excuses. So seeing that he was cornered made him finally admit his jealousy, overhearing your conversation with Swatch while he was browsing--when he really wasn't, but he didn't wanna come off as creepy.

His voice glitched further due to stress, accidentally blurting out some kind of...flirtatious term as he explained how much you meant to him since day one.

You weren't sure if he meant to say "hot single" on purpose. Though you were flattered that such a famous guy like him...actually had a crush on you, an ordinary Darkner who just fetched the Queen's stick wherever she threw it.

You found it hard to believe he thought of you that way..so you kept your own feelings buried. So to see that it's mutual was a relief, and it made you smile.

Spamton, on the other hand, was stressing the hell out. So much so he didn't even see your smile. He just saw himself being stupid the more he rambled on.

It was such a stupid, stupid reason to get insecure--to the point of changing his entire appearance without warning. All because you were friends with a butler who was doing their job???

How selfish can he get when he already had everything he wanted and more?

When he did acknowledge your small smile, he thought you were holding yourself back from laughing. But you had every right to laugh and call him a joke for thinking this will get your attention.

As he finished talking, he could see your smile fade and huffed. He waited for you to tell him how stupid he looks and to go back to being the plain old Addison you met.

Instead of ridiculing him you...hugged him?

At this point you were sitting on the bed together. Of course yours wasn't as massive as his was, but it was big enough for you two to share.

"Spammy, I'm flattered you like me in that way but...you didn't have to do all of this to get my attention. I promise there's nothing going on between Swatch and I. We're just friends. They're not replacing you or anything."

"I know, it's just.." Taking off the glasses, he set them aside before hugging you tightly, head buried in your chest. "I don't wanna lose the only person in this damn place who makes me feel like myself. Who loves me for me, not my success. And...I-I felt like I had to change something about myself to make sure of that."

"Well..you don't need to change anymore. I love you no matter what you look like."

He blinked, his face turning as red as his cheeks.

You could sense his embarrassment from the way he tensed up in your arms and chuckled, patting his hair softly. "Just..don't feel pressured to change for me..or anybody for that matter, okay? Or at least let me know if you're gonna change things up again."

"You don't think..I look stupid or creepy like this?"

"No. Honestly you look pretty handsome. Black hair suits you well."

Hearing those words made him breathe a small sigh of relief. He nodded and hugged you tighter.

His new looks were staying for good.

[hopefulfuturenovelauthor]

Can you do an Eddie Munson hc where the reader finds out she has aspbergers (form of autism’s symptom is obsessing over everything) and Eddie reassures her that everything will be okay? An: It’s been rlly difficult for me lately bc I keep obsessing over stuff that I can’t control and ppl bully me I love ur writing so much!

Hi, I’m so sorry that people bully you. I have a brother with autism and it kills me how some people react to him sometimes. I hope your situation gets better, no one should have to handle any form of bullying. Thank you also, I’m glad you like my writing so much! Also, sorry for the wait, I’ve been a bit busy.

Eddie Munson x Fem!reader (I only refer to readers gender with her once though I think)

Please don’t copy my work. Also I had another request very similar to this so I will post it twice. Also, I haven’t checked grammar or anything, sorry.

Head cannons for the reader finding out she has Autism:

The news came as a surprise. It’s not that you thought you were normal, I mean, the person you are closest with is Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson. It’s just that you were caught off guard.

While your family knew once you did, it was up to you and your decision to tell your friends. You knew they would take it well, you just didn’t want them acting differently or weird around you, fully knowing they would only ever try to help you, but you couldn’t stop thinking about how everything might become more awkward than it already was.

There was one person you wanted to tell, but at the same time didn’t strictly because you didn’t want your dynamic to change. Not that Eddie would ever want to make you feel uncomfortable, you just only imagined how he might start watching his steps around you, changing his carefree actions entirely, and becoming the sort of person that carefully calculated and even overthought every interaction with you.

You waited to tell Eddie until you convinced yourself that he wouldn’t act any differently around you. You knew exactly where your best friend would be. If he wasn’t selling drugs or playing dnd, he was practicing guitar and learning new songs. 

You knocked on the door to his trailer a couple times since you knew he couldn’t hear you over his guitar. You waited for the music to stop, which it did, and watched as the curtain was drawn back in Eddie’s room as he peered out the window curiously. Eddie’s face instantly brightened when he saw you. He made his way to the door as fast as he could, but you heard him trip and fall over something, before reaching you.

“Hi,” he said once the door opened.

“Hi,” you said back smiling, “you look like you just face planted. It sounded like you just face planted too”

“Haha,” Eddie said, moving aside and letting you in, “maybe I did, not that it matters after all I am perfectly fine, especially now that the wonderful Y/n L/n has graced me with her presence.”

“Very funny, Munson, very funny,” you said, finding your way to his couch before sitting down on it and fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. You had been doing that a lot lately, and it was really bugging you how the stitching would become frayed if you messed with it too much.

Eddie noticed your somewhat nervousness at the moment, “hey, everything alright?” He asked, sitting next to you.

“I-um, yeah, yeah I’m alright, I just, I just need to tell you something,” you look up at him, while he sat there attentively waiting for you to continue. “Recently, recently, I was told that I have Autism, and I’ve been waiting to tell people, but I just really wanted you to know.” 

You continued to watch Eddie carefully, “I um,” he cleared his throat, “I already knew.”

“What?!” Your voice raised a bit, not that you meant it too, it was just unexpected.

“No, no, I’m sorry,” Eddie began to ramble, “I should have told you, it’s just when I went to pick you up for school that time you woke up late your mom and I talked and she told me how she was so glad that I was such good friends with you and very supportive with everything going on and how she knew you were stressing about what the doctors had told you and you hadn’t said anything yet so I just nodded and I wanted to wait until you were ready to tell me and I’m realizing now that it was stupid not to say anything and-“

You cut him off with a hug. Eddie slowly hugged back, both of you knowing that you weren’t huge into physical affection or interaction. But you always enjoyed his comfort. “Thank you,” you said into his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” his voice was soft.

“I wanted to tell you sooner, I really did, I just didn’t want things to change,” you told him before leaning back so you could see his face.

“It’s okay, really, you told me when you were ready, and I’m really glad you did,” he looked like he wanted to reach out again, you could tell by the way his hands were gripping his jeans. You took one of his hands in yours as you changed to sit cross cross on the couch. You started to fidget with one of his rings, just twisting it around his finger, playing with the complex and pretty  looking piece of metal.

Eddie stared as you played with the ring in his hand, if you had looked up at him instead of the ring you would have noticed the faint blushing that dusted his cheeks.

“It’s been kind of hard lately. With this being my senior year my stress and anxiety has sort of increased out of my control, with the diagnosis it definitely didn’t get any better. I’ve been fidgeting more, stimming too, not that I knew that that was what I was doing before all of this. It’s just been kind of hectic. One minute I’m listening to my favorite song on repeat and the next I’m covering my ears because all the noise is too much. I’ve started baking more just because I find control in measuring all of the ingredients perfectly. It’s just, it’s just a lot that is all starting to make a lot more sense now that I know, but at the same time it’s difficult to know because it makes me feel different, but I can’t help being different and so it worries me when I’ll have even more stressors in my life like college and finding a career and stuff. I just don’t want anything to change.”

“I’m not going to change, and you haven’t changed either. You're still Y/n, you still have an awesome laugh and you have a good ear for music and you can tune my guitar by ear still and you still read and reread your favorite books over and over and you are still the most amazing and incredible person I have ever met.”

“Thank you,” your voice cracks as tears fill your eyes.

Eddie’s smile turns into a frown, “hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing,” you say wiping your eyes and letting go of his hand, “these are happy tears, these are happy tears because you are the best friend in the world and you are so supportive and I love you so much.”

“Aw,” he said, getting teary-eyed, “I love you too.” 

After that, it was much easier to tell your other friends. Nothing changed with Eddie all that much other than he let you fidget with his hands, let you borrow his rings, ‘steal’ guitar picks, and had a tape with your favorite song on repeat in his van.

In fact, unbeknownst to you, Eddie found your need to be doing something with your hands really cute. At campaigns he would instantly smile when you fiddled with your character's figure or your dice. He also secretly loved that you would spin one of his rings you had put on a necklace. 

Eddie would rock out with you to your favorite song, and as always he continued to introduce you to new music too. 

He had already been learning to play your favorite song, but when you guys would hang out at night you would lie on his bed beside him while he played his guitar for what felt like hours. On nights you felt up to it, you would even rest your head on his leg while he played. Each time you always had one of his guitar picks in your hands, moving it between your fingers in the bliss of the moment.

You even ended up making him a necklace with a guitar pick similar to the one that spotted one of his rings.

Eddie hung out at your house just as often as he always had and even helped you bake, which wasn’t always the best idea since he was messy, a little uncoordinated, and loved to throw flour everywhere. 

You and Eddie didn’t change all that much other than your affections for each other becoming a little more obvious. But you were okay with that, it was nice, everything was oh so very nice.

[lexpressobean]

I've been thinking about these 3 alot...

... and how much they seem to really respect Shino. I know it's a filler, but, like... Why does it seem like Shino has a knack for finding children who have wondered off away from school? Like, he's just taking a walk, making his way around the village or surrounding forest, and then there they are. Kids playing hooky or some shit. And Shino just takes it upon himself to approach them and steer them back to where they should be, while getting them attached to him somehow in the process??

But honestly. If this was just one of many times this had happened, I'd say Shino does this not out of his knack for teaching or having a way with kids. Rather, he developed a way with kids and easily applies that to his teaching because he has a strong desire to simply protect children. And it's not even from some paternal instinct as much as survival, because I think it stems from the developing trauma of losing Torune to Danzo. And I don't think it's all subconscious either.

Like I know the novel and anime frames his desicion to teach as a sort of a new goal in life as the war has ended for a couple years already and a noticable Peace has been achieved by the Blank Period and well... He's an Aburame.

Like, the Aburame are literal living, breathing, walking bioweapons. With no fight to utilize that, what else is there? Well, much like the Nara have the Nara forest and Pharmacology specifically, The Aburame most likely have a historical stake in the area of Konoha, perhaps it was simply in their Ancestral Home. Idk, but they're here to stay, they ain't budging. They're Clan Culture is very Martial and I'd argue Spartan in nature, but otherwise, they do other things too. I think they'd do well as major players in the conservation and research of native species of animals and plants, but definitely insects too. I bet they play a huge part in the general area's ecosystem, especially due to the fact that the Kamizuru clan attacked with a whole clan's worth of non-native Hymenoptera that could very well have become and still are an irritatingly and consistent problem as invasive species tend to be. And as a far as goods go, why not put some of them to use and handle an apiary? Honey is a great good to sell. All of this is great as a clan that no longer needs to fight. But, what about individual members in general, and so Shino?

Well Shino is the Heir of this clan. This Noble Clan. This "ready to throw hands at any moment" clan. It's future is in his hands, so to speak. So I doubt Shino would completely sever his connection to Shinobi life all together. And so, teaching at the Academy would be a great way to keep that connection. Teachers have to know their stuff, after all.

But what if in order to ensure teaching was his calling, Shino did his absolute best to make Jounin ASAP so he could take on a Genin Team. And. And by chance, it ended up being these three?? And they are absolutely STOKED!!! And they also pass Shino's genin test, which... would probably be a feat in it's own right. But they already know Shino, and Shino has bestowed upon them some wisdom they actually took to heart! Yeah, well, in reality they might be just a tad too old to be Shino's first official genin squad, but they were still his squad one point in a sense, right?

Kon Nohara, Tano Ikemoto, and Aoki Kobayashi

I even gave them names help Imagine these three are already chuunin at least and decide they want to pay Shino a visit and even volunteer to help Shino during class time on a collective day off because they admire him so much (T~T)

But even then if not these three kiddos, maybe these three li'l shits lol

Even in times of Peace, Shino's special set of skills seem too useful to waste, and being a Jounin teacher would definitely have been a way he could still go on missions, but also definitely commit to becoming a Sensei at the academy once he was 100% sure and got older. Kurenai became a Jounin/Genin Squad Leader in her late twenties, but in comparison I see Shino doing that more mid-20s. (He needs some time to travel and find his big bug friend and generally live a little?)

Kurenai was a Genjutsu Specialist who manned a Tracker/Sensing based team. This sounds like it was a highly beneficial combination, even if she ended up being somewhat sadistic lol. Asuma was bound to Team 10 by Tradition as InoShikaCho and Sarutobi have that Pact together. Kakashi's team was literally Cherry Picked for him specifically by the 3rd Hokage. And Gai, a Taijutsu Specialist, had a team that Specialized in Taijutsu and Physical Offense.

Of all four teams, Kurenai and Gai were very suited to their teams, Gai in a complimentary way and Kurenai in a Challenging way. In that same vein, I think Shino would imitate Gai. Shino as a Shinobi himself has a general set of skills, but the way he goes about them are very niche. But, he was always very stealthy, and could sneak up on nearly anyone. Gags aside, he could go unnoticed as long as he wanted too, and by the time he was noticed or was ready to attack, he has you quite literally surrounded. Honestly I can see why Search and Destroy would be an Aburame's forte, but when there's no need, a person with a personal skill of high quality stealth could probably man a team with an emphasis on Reconnaissance and/or Surveillance, even Bodyguarding. I feel like Shino would probably put an emphasis on Stealth and Tracking too, utilizing his insects as sort of assistants that keep tabs on his students (Stealth Test) as well as to encourage just enough fear during too much down time in his students to inspire quality training opportunities, so maybe Kurenai rubbed off on Shino more than they all realized haha

(Plus I'm sure his students would be be smart and thoughtful enough to eventually understand what Shino and his bugs are: a complete unit. They realize just how strong and dedicated Sensei really is to be the way he is, and they all learn more in depth about Kikaichu and it's like WOW SENSEI YOU REALLY ARE RISKING BEING EATEN ALIVE EVERY SINGLE DAY, AREN'T YOU? But he's still here, because THAT'S how strong he's become over the years and the confidence to manipulate the Kikaichu while having to think of current chakra level, the most efficient use at any given time, how many he actually needs, how long usage will last, ect. They are high maintenance, man!)

Shino would no doubt produce highly skilled Bodyguards and Masters of Stealth. Maybe the type that would end up being in high demand for the eventual Celebrities that start to pop up as times change, but still very much needed when it comes to Criminal Activity, like in Sora-Ku?

But as time passes and he decided to teach at the Academy, he'd feel very at ease to do so. He'd be happy to be put in charge of all these children, because he would be able to help teach them things they need to know to defend themselves and others in a world where adults like Danzo had and will continue to exist. Maybe while he's at it, he'd use his stance as a Noble Clan Heir and accomplished Shinobi to push for changes in government with Sai's help and with Naruto and Shikamaru's cooperation? Like, the truth does come out, everyone on the Council were actually horrible and had too much power. So HERE are some ideas and REASONS why these ideas should be implemented because Shino's not going to let his brother's life and death be in vain!? HELL no, we WILL make some changes around here. Shino sees his students and just wants a future where no kid ever has to live in fear of being completely taken advantage of by the very system that was supposed to keep them safe and they pledged allegiance to.

I cannot help but think of the quiet but absolute fear little Shino was harboring for the years to come after Torune was taken by that strange man and Father Shibi didn't even attempt to stop him. His own father didn't dare beat the shit out of this strange man who came looking for him, and the only solution for Shino to stay was for Torune to make himself look more desirable as an asset and be taken instead. I bet there was a lot of misplaced resentment there for a while, and talks that just didn't happen. Maybe a classmate doesn't show up to class one day and Shino is IMMEDIATELY stressed out and just... takes it upon himself to look for them after class. And he's relieved when he see they're simply at home with a fever. Shit like that just fucks with Shino, because theres people taking kids and no one is doing anything about it?? And then as Shino grew older he realized exactly what happened and how slimy the machine of Konoha really is and it was never completely Shibi's fault that Torune had to leave. He grows mentally at a faster rate than most of his classmates, and knows more than a kid really needs to know.

Shino doesn't want that for any other child. Shino is the kind of person who hears kids screaming outside of his house and he can't tell if they're playing or being murdered and it's stressful to the point he'll check through his window and he sees them for himself. He get stressed out seeing a kid in public unattended and WANTS to approach them to help if need be but also maybe he's overthinking it and the parents are there somewhere and he'd just end up looking suspicious. Like, that's what I kind of figure for Shino. He's so hyperaware of the power dynamic between kids and adults and seeing a kid so ready to fall victim to that makes Shino feel ill the more he thinks of what could happen. And he wonders if watching the kid in the market until they finally reunite with their parent so he could move on with the rest of his day causes him even a fraction of the the utterly disgusting flurry of nerves and fear that Shibi must have felt all those years ago. It goes along with his desire to spare every single little insect's life he can. It goes a long with the fact he only gets violent unless absolutely necessary. Like he wants to be strong but he doesn't want to go mad with power either, less he becomes the very thing that hurt him and his family in the first place.

Originally Shino wanted to become strong to be able to defend himself because at a very young age adults failed him and Torune. But then that changes to defend not only himself, but others as he grows on a team, and realizes trust is important. And then he figured if there must be adults out there that would hurt a child, it's only logical that he should become one that would only nurture and teach one to be strong as well.

Anyway, yeah. Had some feelings. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[yourfavouritetragedy]

I was adding onto the DSMP Actor AU post, but it turned into Wilbur musician AU, haha rip me, and I only know SBI anyways so here’s a separate post. (It goes back to actor AU at the end.) It’s hypothetically still in the same universe though, and obviously inspired by it. If anything’s phrased weirdly, it’s cuz this was originally an addition to that. 

tbh I kinda adhered to their IRL careers too much compared to the OP but whatever it’s fine. 

Also frick the “Dream SMP” for not having a better title lmaooo

Wilbur is an indie artist really on the come up

Your City Gave Me Asthma was pretty good for a first release, popular with both new fans and fans of his acting.

He had starred in a short mystery/thriller-ish series that started off disguised as a normal sitcom: Chilly in Lincolnshire {Editor Wilbur ARG}

It had a prominent release because of Jack Massey’s involvement and previous fame, but production was abruptly scrapped before it tied everything up with a bow on top, so to speak. It’s still unclear if this was actually planned in order to tell the story the way they way wanted. 

Even before that, critics had mixed reviews, either applauding the storytelling and acting or calling it “irrationally confusing, an amateurish attempt to box unconventional storytelling into a conventional medium.”

Also SootHouse was a sitcom that achieved a cult following during the two seasons it ran before cancellation. Either you’re a fan or you’re never heard of it, and people constantly forget Wilbur was in it. 

(He was a few other old shows on his resume too. Wilbur always focuses on the newest project, so everyone always forgets about what he was in before.) 

Maybe I Was Boring EP was initially just bonus tracks on his website, but his fans liked it so much he gave it a wider release

In between, he had a few comedy songs go viral on youtube. Everybody was so confused when they realized it was the same Wilbur as musician/actor Wilbur. He laughed about it in an interview, saying “How many Wilburs do you know?” 

That’s when it came out that “Wilbur Soot” was actually a stage name. (”Ha, fair, only one.” “Make that zero-- my name’s not really Wilbur.”)

He kinda disappeared after that?? Didn’t do anything, really inactive on social media. It was semi-confirmed that he was both working on his mental health and prepping some stuff (music, auditions).

But anyways he just released a series of singles, combined into Digital Love {E-girl trilogy}-- he’s transformed his image yet again, but this time he does take ownership of all his past ventures.

The release of Digital Love bridges the end of SMP Earth and the beginning Dream SMP. 

But before that there was MCC and the other stuff.

They are shows where celebrities team up do stuff-- you know the type 

but Minecraft Monday is still inexplicably Minecraft Monday. Some Youtuber just managed to get all these up and coming celebrities to play a Minecraft tournament. 

And that’s where the Sleepy Bois (minus Tommy) met IRL so that’s where they meet here. 

SMP Earth, like Minecraft Manhunts, is also a former show they were on. I’m going to call it World Domination. Don’t @ me; I know that’s trash lol. 

They and the Dream Team met up because of their shared fanbases and were even talking a crossover, but it didn’t really work that well for the stories so they scrapped it

They make a non-canon cross over episode anyways {no IRL equivalent, I think}

Everybody loves the cons. Everytime there’s a con, five friendships are made and eight ideas are created. 

Techno backstory time

He’s done a lot of long running, though not exactly popular, serials and sitcoms: Blitz, Survival Games, and Sky Wars. 

Winstreak: 1000 {Bed Wars 1000 winstreak} was so popular they made a second season, but it never got as big as the first. He worked nearly exclusively with Hypixel Studios. 

He was doing lots of random content for their new Sky World universe {Skyblock} -- the small studio was big on experimentation -- , when a fictional documentary, The Great Potato War, went proper viral. 

They made two sequels WHILE he was doing those celebrity team challenge shows and then World Domination, and they were actually good sequels.

Got a reputation for being shallow and a sell-out, but he makes a joke of it so much he gets away with it and constantly self-promos.

Also a kinda scary to work with for the first time because of how single-minded he can get, but once you realize how socially awkward he is it’s okay.  

Now that’s he’s in a lot of stuff with worldbuilding, he practically has the wikis memorized. 

Tommy mainly did limited series and movies before World Domination, where he met the SBI.

He’d had been a fan of Wilbur for a while, and was super star-struck at first, but got over it really quickly in his Tommy style

He still is a total fanboy at concerts and whenever a new music video drops. “I’m friends with the guy! I know him, Wilbur Soot!” “Tommy, you’re famous too.” “Yeah, cuz I’m practically in the video!” “No--” 

Wilbur takes Tommy to one of his concerts and he’s so hyped the entire time, especially to go behind the scenes and on the stage. 

Sometimes he gets stressed about the pressure of being a child star, but Techno, Philza, and Wilbur promise to stand by him and they make him feel protected 

One time Wilbur’s drunk and almost hands Tommy a drink before swearing and going, “You’re a bloody child! You can’t have that! God, what would Philza think?” Tommy’s not sure whether to be relieved or disappointed. 

Philza laughs at the story and actually lets Tommy try a little in a more controlled, responsible situation. Tommy texts his mum first, and then hates the drink anyways. (”This is rubbish! I am a man, but I’m not drinking this!” Techno: “Alcohol is disappointing. I drink orphan’s tears instead.” “Techno WHAT--”)

Philza had been the star of a zombie apocalypse show: Golden Core 

He did canonically die to a child zombie in the movie version. Yes, they made a movie version of the TV show, because the Golden Core franchise actually has had many other shows {other hardcore series}. 

Everybody tries to get the child zombie props near him because of that (they’re puppets)

He’s done a lot of other things, like in the original actor AU post, but none of them came close in popularity. 

He gives the rest of the SBI the knowledge he’s gained from being in the biz for so long. 

There’s also a running joke about SBI meaning “Spy Boys Incorporated” and them starring in a comedy spy movie

The fans would very much actually like this to happen. There’s so many fanons for it (maybe I’ll write one....) 

Back to the DSMP. Maybe I’ll call it Dreamland or smth. 

Wilbur constantly asks Tommy if he’s okay after any difficult scenes

Especially when they were hanging out together a lot in the exile arc.

All the brother scenes were cut because Wilbur kept breaking down and crying in them.

Sometimes people actually ask Techno and Tommy if they’re actually brothers. Tommy tries to go along with it half the time on the basis of “it’s be funny,” so there’s a subset of casual fans that genuinely don’t know. 

After Alivebur was killed off, Wilbur was going to leave the show to concentrate on his music

But he missed the SMP and hanging so much that he just showed up on set one day saying “I’m a ghost now,” and everyone just rolled with it

Alivebur was so popular that, seeing that Wilbur was willing, they decided to bring him back for Season 3. He’s been avoiding doing heavy scenes, but he still seems really invested and like he wants to come back to the show.

Wilbur talks with Techno about writing and lore a lot

it’s one the few times Wilbur actually seems like the older one

Wilbur attempted to get a D&D group going in the cast, but the show was already close enough, with the amount of improvisation they can get by with

Tommy’s Pigstep cover happened, but the background was Philza clapping barely in time with just Wilbur on bass instead (and of course Techno’s “BAHP”s)

It was a charity stream. They had put on their costumes (clothes only) for a previous goal. 

This one was simply called “We rap.”

Some people were almost disappointed that Tommy was the only one actually rapping, but he was so funny it made up for it. 

Okay I spent the whole morning on this and it got way too long but I think I’m finally out of ideas. sorry haha hope you enjoyed! ^_^